#JASON BOURNE KNOCK OFF

[kissablelips-desireslure-vol3]

THE PORNE ULTIMATUM

Directed By: Mike Donner

Featuring: Kaden Saylor Brent Corrigan

©️ DIRTY BIRD PICTURES

[indelicateink]

wow. finale. we've arrived. i have some (major spoilers) thoughts. i'm sleep-deprived, and I'm kinda jumping around here, but christ alive we made it:

omg yay. here we are. all the love.

for me…the pacing felt off on this episode? though possibly the pacing was off for the whole season if they had to rush(?) so many incredibly important "payoff" beats in this episode. we've been building toward this for years so I admit--the MASSIVE armand/betrayal reveal, the lestat reunion, the actual killing of the coven members (aside from santiago)--they felt very hurried to me. lol, obviously the solution is a two-hour finale. i stg they used to do this with season finales.

i am so excited that way back in the day amc made this two seasons instead of one. can you imagine? I cannot fucking imagine that cliffsnotes version. we won bigtime.

the jazz soundtrack to the revenge was certainly a choice. feel like i would not have made that choice. i'll soak it in and reflect.

I enjoyed louis's new invisible friend. sir. after howevermany nights in the hellbox, you get as many invisible friends as you want. but jesus.

an ocean of unanswered questions about lestat. an ocean on jupiter. I get this is the purpose of s3. but there are many things idk how to feel about, which is emotionally unsatisfying? but okay. we wait. without getting information. again. (s'fine.)

rashid is the goddamn JAMES BOND ETHAN HUNT JASON BOURNE OF TALAMASCA AGENTS!!!! that man served TWO TELEPATHIC VAMPIRES as a double agent and LIVED. fucking standing ovation. guy probably has supernatural brainpowers, i'm not knocking it, i'm just impressed he lived.

all their reunion cries: my soul was immolated.

idk how to feel about the pathetic fallacy during the reunion.

OI. that reunion was KINDA BRIEF for my tastes lol. i mean, i'm glad it happened but I STARVE, MOTHER.

okay i felt insane. I could have sssssssworn SR said in a recent interview that lestat thought louis was dead since 1973. idk if i misunderstood, if I'm misremembering, if this was misdirection, or if lestat really did just have an initial non-reaction to louis rocking up to nola alive after all.

no i'm still on the ocean of questions lol. I still need so much information about lestat, and armand, the coven, and the trial. we gotta wait a couple years to find out what armand had on lestat: fine. ditto whatever was really going on with armand. but there's this weird implication in the air that the coven could have overpowered armand and lestat, these two wildly powerful vampires, and idk if that's going to be satisfactorily answered for a couple years. surely that was not the case. but why did armand have louis locked up in the hellbox, then? many questions. idk, i got four hours of sleep last night and i must think on this.

i found it hard to emotionally connect with what was happening in the magnus-lestat-hell-tower given that i was aware i had no idea what was Really Going On in that moment. except ugh, ugh, no! stop! i know this is Bad but I don't fully know why. (lol, raincheck on more pain!)

i'm on the fucking floor with how much armand got away with lmfao. i am on. the mother. fucking. floor. it's possible you could say his punishment is being in a relationship with a man who HE KNOWS will always consider him no. 2. And yet, I felt armand was on some level willing to put up with that, so idk if that's a real punishment--it's just unfortunate by my personal metric. but:

but anyway, in the 40s alone--let me get this straight: louis is told by armand after louis escapes the TdV that armand sold him out to save himself. eventually, way later, armand gets louis free from the hellbox, though louis wanders paris fucking delusional for awhile. after louis escapes the TdV, louis learns from armand that armand was fucking louis right through his collaboration with the TdV because why not have your cake and eat it too I guess. and in addition to the collaboration, armand never dropped the factoid that lestat was in paris. oh and: CLAUDIA DIED. CLAUDIA AND MADELEINE DIIIIIED. HORRIBLY. FOR ENTERTAINMENT. even going with the "armand, poor little meow meow," version of events, florence du lac is turning over in her GRAVE that louis did not shun this man, let alone attempt to kill him. instead he uses him to punish his ex (i mean yes, florence would be seated for that massive revenge on lestat, louis), and then just. be armand's, what. loveless(not totally) companion for eternity? armand doesn't care if louis settles. I know the wrath of louis de pointe du lac, this ain't it. armand: you are teflon. amazing.

AND THEN. in 2022. louis throws armand into a wall and tells him to gtfo. like. wow. wow. I am an armand fan, I'm not gunning for him, but after spending 3/4 of a century living a brutally painful lie because of armand and suffering more than jesus christ over the death of his daughter because of armand--also the armand who was arranging to have louis burned alive for entertainment, and translated "banishment" to "hellbox"(!!!!!)--after all this is revealed (and I get it's a lot for louis to take in), louis does not explode that building in a ball of fire somehow. armand: you are teflon. akasha is watching in awe and fear. do all the heinous shit you want, you still get to have sex with and cohabitate with louis de pointe du lac for 70 years, as long as you're willing to settle for some lack of enthusiasm and a suicidal partner. no repercussions. go conquer the world.

I adore our secret agent daniel molloy moment. thank you to the talamasca for coming in and saving the payoff of the ending of the show, lol. louis might otherwise be stuck in that tower for another 70 years. we owe you a debt.

oh jesus jesus christ. lestat's little fuckass plank keyboard. THE PATHOS. the misery depression shack is everything, and I loved the ipad. his minion is surely charging his powerpacks at the local coffee shop while he gets those rats, i can't remember if that place even had electricity.

"DID YOU HURT YOURSELF." JUST REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND PUNCH ME IN THE FACE. i needed more time with this scene, or tighter shots, or maybe i just need to inject it into my veins.

lestat breaking down over claudia and the blood tear and i can't i cannot it was everything and i died i fucking died

the armand-is-alice theories remain in suspense

felt weird that the rest of the coven died offscreen. but okay.

lolllll i always kinda pause when the show drops little nuggets that say "yeah. hi audience on social media. we see you. we know what you're saying." i'm not used to my show talking back to me.

delirious post-hellbox louis was a tour de force. intro speech louis was a tour de force. amc, the timing that left iwtv without the possibility of emmys is a heartbreak, i get you know this, though

felt kinda ill seeing louis back in that penthouse, even if he is solo. START FRESH IN A NEW, THIRD COUNTRY, FRIEND. CONSIDER IT.

okay someone do a breakdown of the New Painting louis was beaming at on That Wall in dubai

oh! his lil paul portrait

idk if I could live with a display of the dress my daughter died in, but we've already covered that ldpdl is so much more hardcore than I am. carry on.

lol I loved daniel's nails showing up in the interview before his big YEAH I'M TAKING OFF MY GLASSES NOW, IT'S REAL, PEOPLE, moment. so pleased for eric. living the dream.

devil's minion is totally secure, that's a thing that will be depicted in one fashion or another, there's not even a whisper of a doubt

loustat reunion. hi real lestat. hi present-day new orleans. i have reached the oasis in the angst desert. i lived. pretty sweet trip.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Remember the Titans: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

Everyone heads back inside, and you release the magical hold you have on your kids' room.

"This is a lot more than a curse," you state. "She wouldn't have come here to kill you if it was about some curse." Suddenly, Shane holds his arm and falls to his knees, gasping in pain. It looks like he's struggling to breathe, and you quickly go over to him to try and help. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need a minute. I've never been in a fight in my whole life."

He jerks and struggles to breathe, but you can't help him no matter what you try to do.

"Is he having a heart attack?"

"Do we call 911?" Sam offers.

"What would we tell them? That the dead guy we stole from the morgue is alive and having a coronary?"

Shane takes his last breath, and he goes limp in your arms. You look at the brothers with uncertainty in your eyes. He is dead, but if what he says is true, he'll be awake in a few hours. Sam managed to move Shane to the bed where he's been lying ever since, even after the sun had risen.

Maryann cries for food, so you take a seat and start to breastfeed her while Dean fixes Joanna some breakfast.

"What do we know that has Jason Bourne fighting skills, dies a lot, and has a history with violent women?" Sam asks when he can't come up with anything else.

"I don't know."

Someone knocks on the door, and Dean peaks out the window to see a young woman with medium-length light brown hair with a child older than Joanna with her. Child or not, Dean clicks the safety off on his gun and opens the door slightly.

"May I help you?"

"Agent Bonham?"

"Who are you?"

"This is gonna sound really strange, but I'm looking for a corpse that went missing today. The coroner said that you were the last one to see it. I'm Hayley."

"Why are you looking for our John Doe?"

"Well, his name is Shane. At least, that's what I called him. I'm the mother of his son, Oliver."

Dean shifts slightly, but Hayley sees Shane lying on the bed. She quickly races inside and over to Shane's side, leaving Oliver by the door.

"Joanna, come here," Dean asks. "Why don't you and Oliver play on the swing set, okay? Stay right there."

"Okay. Come on, Ollie."

Joanna leads the older boy by his hand over to the playground that sits fifty feet from the cabin. Shane hasn't woken up yet, so you decide to talk to Hayley about how she knows him. You're still breastfeeding Maryann, but you don't mind doing it outside to keep an eye on the kids.

"How do you know Shane?" you ask.

"When I was younger, I had friends that wanted to climb this mountain in Europe, and I thought it sounded exciting, so I joined them."

"Is that when you saw the avalanche?"

"He told you?" she gasps. "What else did he say?"

"Just that he doesn't remember how he got there."

"My friends were gone, and when I found him, his clothes were torn off and his eyes were frozen solid, but he was still alive. I just knew there was something off about him with the way that he'd die every day. I thought it was from exposure or shock. Maybe he was unconscious. We were both in bad shape. I know I couldn't have made it down the mountain if it weren't for him. When we got to the bottom, we realized that it had become something else, and we spent the night together, and while we were, you know... he had a heart attack. So, I called 911, and they couldn't save him. When I had to go down to I.D. the body..."

"He came back to life?" you finish her sentence.

"I freaked out and I ran. Nine months later, I had Oliver. I hired a private investigator. I really tried to find him, but when they gave up, I gave up. Until a couple of months ago."

"Now, what made you look again?"

"The worst thing."

She is about to explain when the door to the cabin opens and Shane walks out of it like he was just sleeping and not dead.

"Hayley?"

"Hello, Shane." She gets up and walks over to him, gesturing to Oliver. "Oliver, come here, honey." Oliver gets off the swing and both kids walk over to their respective parents. "I thought it was time you two meet. This is Oliver."

Shane wants to get to know his son and talk with Hayley, so they go off to the side to have a family moment. Sam heads back into the cabin to do quick research on what you might be dealing with. You quickly finish feeding Maryann, and Dean opens his arms to welcome her. Joanna hops onto the bench next to you as you pass Maryann off to her father.

Oliver giggles and you look over at the small family. What kind of person would Robert have grown up to be? Would he look like you or more like Dean? Would he have a fascination with rock music and cars just like his daddy? Would he be a witch like you? It hurts to even breathe right now, but then you look at Joanna and Maryann, and when you see their faces, you're reminded of who you have right now.

They're your reminder that you still have shit to lose.

Sam walks out of the cabin with a book in his hands. You push down your feelings and focus your attention on the situation at hand.

"Did you find anything?" you ask Sam.

"It looks like we were right about that curse thing. From what I can tell, we're looking at a Titan."

"You mean another God?"

"More like a proto-God, like the Gods before the Gods. They ruled over Greece before Zeus and the rest of the Olympian Gods overthrew them."

"So, who is this guy?"

"Best I can tell? Prometheus."

"Wasn't he the one who stole fire for humanity?"

"Yeah. Zeus decided to revoke humanity's ability to make fire so we couldn't cook, couldn't stay warm, and couldn't see in the dark. In return for stealing, Zeus decided to strap him to that mountain and make him relive death every day."

"Damn. Every day for how long? No wonder the guy's hard drive is fried. Did you figure out who Xena-wannabe was?" Dean asks, patting Maryann's back to burp her.

"I'm guessing Artemis, Zeus' daughter. She's been known to carry around weapons like that dagger. They're nasty. They'll kill Immortals dead."

"We've never battled a God curse before. Hope we can break it."

"Shane? Can we talk to you?" you call out to the God.

"Go, we'll stay out here," Hayley assures him.

Shane follows you and the brothers back inside the cabin where all of Sam's research is laying out in piles. Shane seems overwhelmed to say the least, so maybe he truly doesn't remember this.

"You really don't remember any of this?"

"No."

"Okay, I hate to break it to you, but you are Prometheus."

"Well, then, the best thing for me is to get as far away from them as I can."

"Wait. I'm sorry. You just discovered that you have a seven-year-old son, and you want to walk away?" Dean asks angrily.

"I'm a God, apparently, and this other God and his daughter are hunting me. What chance do any of us have?"

"We're gonna help you, but we need a plan first, and we can't come up with one here," Sam says.

"Where are we going?"

"Some place safe."

You're so lucky you found the Bunker... or when the Bunker found you. Just then, Hayley comes in with Oliver in her arms. The small child has a bloody gash on his forehead, but he isn't waking up.

"What happened?" you ask and rush over to them.

"He fell."

"Do I need to call an ambulance?"

"No."

"He's dying, isn't he?" Shane asks.

"I was going to tell you, I just wanted you to have a chance to adjust."

"He has your curse?"

"Makes sense. He's his child."

You sit at the end of the bed and place one hand on Oliver's head near the gash.

"What are you doing?" Hayley asks.

"Healing him."

Your hand glows blue as his body absorbs your magic. His skin stitches back together right in front of everyone's eyes, and soon, he is healed of his physical injuries. He's still dead, but he won't be for long if he's Shane's son.

The only thing that will help him is the Bunker, so you take all three of them back to the Bunker. Since you're back at home, it's time for Joanna and Maryann's nap. Maryann went down easily, but it took a couple more minutes to get Joanna down. Once you do, you close her door and pass by the nursery, stopping briefly to look at your son's room.

With a shake of your head, you join the rest of the adults in one of the spare bedrooms.

"This curse was put on you. Why the kid?" Dean asks.

"I don't know."

"You keep saying 'curse'. What curse?" Hayley asks.

"How long has this been happening?"

"Oh, since he turned seven a few months ago. It started with the dying, and then he stopped talking."

"Wait, seven?" Sam gasps. "Age seven marks one of the first Greek rites of manhood."

"Are you saying the curse is hardwired into his programming? How do you know that?"

"Look at me," Hayley says to Shane who does reluctantly. "I'm sorry that I ran out on you all those years ago. I was scared. I didn't understand what was going on, but we have a child, and whatever you have, he has. I need to know how to stop it. What curse?"

"Follow me," you say and lead the group to the library.

While Sam got the books he needed, you briefly explained to Hayley what she is dealing with here.

"Okay, so Ollie's dad is a Greek God who has been cursed to die every day by Zeus. You guys are... Ghostbusters, and you're a witch? Am I getting this right?"

"Due to the fact that your son is currently, albeit temporarily, dead, I'm gonna let that one slide," Dean comments with an eye roll.

"You have to realize this sounds crazy."

"It's true. I didn't believe it myself at first, but it's the only thing that makes sense," Shane sighs.

"Look, the faster you wrap your brain around this, the faster we can solve the problem."

"Solve the problem? I-I'm just not even sure I understand the problem," Hayley stutters.

"The way we usually handle this is we summon the God and we work him over until he undoes whatever it is he did," you explain.

"Summon Zeus. Okay, what if he doesn't want to undo it?"

"Then we kill him. Hopefully the curse dies with him."

"This can't be happening." Oliver can be heard coughing from the bedroom, and that seems to snap Hayley out of her own mind. "That I can handle. Excuse me."

"Listen," Dean says to Shane once Hayley is gone, "you have two options. You can run and hide and die for all eternity, or you can fight. It's your choice. But Sam, Y/N and I are gonna go after Zeus... with or without you."

"I'm in," Shane says without hesitation.

"That's great, but if we are going to summon Zeus, which we don't know how to do, then we need a plan on how to kill him if this goes sideways, which we don't know how to do. We need to do research," you say.

"Already on it," Sam says, removing books as he speaks.

All four of you get to work while Hayley stays with her son. It's tiring work, but you prefer this over putting your kids in danger. You know that once you know how to summon and kill Zeus, you'd have to actually do it, and you'd have to bring your kids along. This isn't something you're going to leave in the hands of Sam and Dean, so you have to go.

"Here we go. I got it," Dean announces. "Dragon Penis."

"Excuse me?" you raise your eyebrows.

"Ancient Greek hunter by the name of Drakopoulos. Apparently, he tangled with Zeus back in the day, and the Men of Letters translated his journal."

"The Men of Letters?" Shane asks.

"It's a secret society. This is actually their lair. We're legacies." Dean says proudly, but Shane doesn't seem affected. "No big deal."

Sam reaches over and snatches the book from Dean to read it himself.

"Okay, it says here he summoned Zeus into a trap and found out how to kill him with wood from a tree struck by lightning. It says we need two things for the summon--frozen energy from the hand of Zeus, and the bone of a worshiper."

"Frozen energy like fulgurite?" you ask. Fulgurite is what happens when lightning strikes the ground and creates a crystalized sand or rock--wherever it hits. "It makes sense."

"You get on the web and see if there's any Greeks nearby that are still worshiping the Old Gods," Dean says to Sam who gets out his laptop.

"What about the wood? Is that easy to find?" Shane wonders.

"With a bit of luck."

You grab the journal Sam abandoned and flip to the back, but the journal ends abruptly.

"Wait, this journal just ends. How do we know if Drakopoulos survived whatever happened between him and Zeus?"

"We don't know."

"How do we know this is going to work?" Shane asks.

"We never know for sure, but these books are pretty good."

"Listen to this," Sam says. "There are Greek pagans two towns over. The best part? They have an obit page with cemeteries."

"You two are on grave duty. We'll handle the B&E," Dean says to Sam and Shane.

"We'll be in touch."

x

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[glass-expanse]

When you watch thru the Bond movies, don't go past Casino Royale (2006). They turned into Jason Bourne knock-offs in the 21st century.

Remember kid, they only made 21 movies (not counting Never Say Never Again).

I definitely have watched Casino Royale... I've watched several of the newer ones in passing, probably about the same number of old ones.

I dunno man I'm too old to start a new hyperfixation XD I can barely watch a single movie in a day anymore. And that has to be split up by at least a week ideally.

[drabbles-mc]

All The Stops

Neron ‘Creeper’ Vargas x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Could i request a Creeper fic? Like you're sick and he is taking care of you. Neti pot and secret family soup recipes and all lol.

Warnings: language, Creeper being Extra but we love him for it

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I love Creeper so much. I love writing for the sappy sweet side of him, too. Hope y’all enjoy! xo

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You’d told him not to worry, to stay away so you didn’t end up getting him sick too. Whatever it was that you had left you feeling like you got hit by a semi. Your whole body ached, and you could hardly breathe out of your nose. What had started off as a cold you thought you could just ignore and brush off, very quickly turned you into a zombie.

You were caught between trying to down-play it so he wouldn’t worry, and over-selling it so he would leave you alone and not end up getting sick himself. You should have known better, though. He was far too clingy and hell-bent on taking care of you to stay away. It was sweet, and you appreciated it, but you didn’t want both of you to end up feeling like death warmed over.

When you heard the knock at the door, you knew exactly who it was. You let out a long sigh as you forced yourself up off the couch. You folded your arms over your chest as you shuffled to your front door. When you opened the door, you came face-to-face with Creeper. His eyes were full of concern as he stood on your front steps, large cardboard box in his arms.

“You didn’t tell me you were this sick,” he said as he walked inside.

You shut the door behind him as you replied, “Because I knew you’d do…all of whatever this is.”

He made his way to your kitchen, setting the box down on your counter. Turning back around to face you, he took a moment to really look at you. His lips turned down into a frown as he looked at you bundled up in his sweatshirt with the hood flipped up, toes curling against the cold floor. He stepped toward you, gently resting his hand against your forehead.

“You should’ve called,” he pulled you into a hug.

As much as you didn’t want to be touched, you had to admit that it was nice to feel his strong arms wrapped tight around you. you managed a small smile as you leaned into his chest, “Didn’t have to, you still showed up,” you gestured towards the box on the counter, “What’s all that?”

He let go of you to walk back over to everything that he had brought in, “Your cure.”

You chuckled as you walked and sat across the counter from him. You rested your chin in your hands as you watched him unpack everything that he’d brought over. His focus was evident on his face as he set everything out—brows furrowing in concentration.

“You really don’t have to do all of this, Neron,” you told him with a slight shake of your head.

“Of course I do,” he looked almost offended, “You’re sick. I can’t just let you suffer alone.”

You smiled, not wanting to argue the point any further. Clearly, there would be no changing his mind. You amused yourself by looking over all the different spices that he had with him. While you did that, he started to root around your kitchen and pull some things together.

“Anything I can do?” you asked.

“Go lay down and rest,” he walked around to your side of the counter, “I’ll carry you to bed.”

You laughed, which in turn made you cough, “Stop, Neron, I can walk myself to bed.”

He shook his head as he scooped you up in his arm, “I got you, baby.”

You didn’t have the strength to fight him on it, so you let yourself get whisked away. It was an incredibly short walk to your room but you still let yourself lean into him.

He laid you down on the bed and pulled the blanket up over you. There was a small smile on his face as he caressed your cheek, gently pushing a stray lock of hair out of your face, “Try and get some sleep. It’ll be a while until everything is ready anyway,” he kissed the top of your head.

“Everything? What’s everything?” you smiled up at him.

“Don’t worry, I got it. Get some rest. I love you.”

Before you could ask any more questions, he turned and made his way towards the bedroom door. You listened intently for a few minutes to try and figure out what he was doing, but it didn’t take long for the comfort and warmth of the blankets to put you to the sleep.

You had no idea how long you had been asleep for, but when you woke up you heard the muffled sound of music coming from the far end of the house. A tiny groan slipped past your lips as you sat upright and forced your body to stretch. You swung your legs off the bed and stood up, stretching once more before opening the bedroom door and heading towards the kitchen.

The music got louder as you got closer to the kitchen. And, for the first time in a few days, you would actually smell what was being cooked. You had no idea what he was making, but it smelled great so you weren’t worried. He didn’t hear the quiet pattering of your feet over his music, so you were able to sneak in and find your seat at the counter without him noticing you. You watched him bobbing his head and mumbling along with the lyrics of the song that was on. Despite your exhaustion you smiled. He seemed so at-home.

“How’s it comin’?” you asked.

He spun around, ladle in his hand raised and ready to strike. When he saw that it was you, he lowered his hand with a sigh. He shook his head, “Can’t sneak up on me like that, Mama.”

“Or what?” you chuckled, “You gonna accidentally beat me up with a soup ladle?”

He wagged it at you accusingly, “Bourne almost killed someone with a rolled-up newspaper.”

You fought back a cough as you laughed, “You comparing yourself to Jason Bourne now?” you shook your head, “Anyway, how’s all this going?” you nodded towards the stove.

He let the topic drop as he turned back to all of his things on the stove, “Good. Almost done.”

“What is it?” you got up and crept over to get a look.

He watched you with a smile as you peeked into the pot on the stove, “Vargas Family recipe. Mom used to make this all the time when we would get sick. Fixed our whole shit, swear to god.”

You laughed, “Sounds exactly like what I need,” you turned back around to face him, “Never knew you were so good in the kitchen.”

He smiled as he pulled you into a gentle hug, “You never gave me a chance. Had to be knockin’ on death’s door in order to get you to rest.”

You chuckled, leaning into his touch, “That’s true.”

Sitting back on the other side of the counter, you rested your chin in your hands as you watched him finish up everything that he was preparing. There was something relaxing about watching him shuffle busily around your kitchen. He was completely in his own zone.

It wasn’t too long before he was turning to you with a bowl of soup in each hand. There was a proud smile on his face as he nodded towards the living room. He waited for you to get comfortably situated on the couch before handing you your bowl.

For a while, the only noise in the house came from the television. Each of you ate in comfortable silence. You were savoring it—this was the first thing you were able to taste in almost a week. And Creeper was too busy watching you and making sure you were alright and enjoying it to say anything. You could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t care. A week of hardly forcing yourself to eat was all catching up to you.

Once your bowls were empty and discarded on the coffee table, he pulled you so that you were laying with your head in his lap. He gently rubbed your shoulder as you settled against him.

“There’s tea for you, too, when you’re ready,” he let you know.

You hummed in response, feeling the most comfortable you had in a while, “Thank you.”

He looked down at you, brows furrowing, “You still sound stuffy.”

You chuckled, “I’m still sick, Neron. Your soup was good but I don’t think it’s magical.

“I brought my neti pot,” he nodded towards the box he’d brought with him, “We can jus hook you up,” he demonstrated with his hand how it worked, “and clear you out. Tellin’ you, baby, you’ll be good as new.”

You shook your head, sniffling as you did, “Hard pass, Neron.”

“Why?”

“Because,” you tried not to laugh, “that’s gross.”

“I clean it after I use it!”

“I’m sure you do!” you couldn’t hold back your laugh, “Still gross.”

“Will you at least drink the tea?”

You smiled as you sat upright so he could get up, “Yes, baby, I’ll drink the tea.”

You smiled as you watched him shuffle back over to the kitchen and grab a mug for you. He was so careful pouring it and bringing it back over to you. You smiled as you cupped it in your hands. He sat back down next to you, gently rubbing his hand up and down your back. Even though you were still sick, you felt like a new person after a decent nap and a good meal. His touch was more than welcome.

“Thank you,” you rested one hand on his knee, “I really appreciate all of this.”

He shook his head, “This ain’t nothin’. If I had more time to prepare I would’ve pulled out all the stops.”

You chuckled, sipping on your tea, “This was more than enough. Thank you, seriously.”

“I love you. I got you—whatever you need,” he leaned over and kissed your temple.

“I love you too,” you leaned against his side and pulled your feet up onto the couch, settling into the comfort of him being there to take care of you when you needed it.

[rpmemestorehouse]

2010′s Internet Memes Starters

Change wording as needed

“Are you frustrated?”

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I-”

“Let me tell you why that’s bullshit.”

“Oh stop it, you.”

“Aww yiss.”

“France is bacon.”

“That’s cute.”

“Lie down. Try not to cry. Cry a lot.”

“Has science gone too far?”

“...said no-one ever.”

“We need to go deeper.”

“Do you think this is a motherfucking game?”

“NOPE.”

“Oh baby, a triple!”

“Brushie brushie brushie~”

“Spooky scary skeletons!”

“FUCK YEA.”

“You could stop at five or six stores, or, just ONE.”

“You hear about video games?”

“Release the kraken!”

“Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?”

“ ‘It will be FUN’, they said!”

“You’ve been GNOMED!”

“Deal with it.”

“And not a single fuck was given that day.”

“It’s a double rainbow!”

“The rent is too damn high!”

“You jelly?”

“Challenge accepted.”

“Come at me bro!”

“Pootis!”

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout?”

“Are you a wizard?”

“Bitch please!”

“I know that feel bro.”

“Shut up and take my money!”

“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

“NO.”

“I hope you step on a LEGO.”

“That really rustled my jimmies.”

“And then a skeleton popped out!”

“I’ve seen some shit.”

“gEnIuS!”

“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

“This isn’t even my final form!”

“You had one job.”

“Kill me.”

“Majestic as FUCK.”

“Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about [insert]?”

“I swear on me mum...”

“You have no power here!”

“REKT!”

“What a time to be alive.”

“If I pull that off, will you die?”

“It will be extremely painful...for you.”

“FUCK THIS GAY EARTH!”

“Hide the pain Harold.”

“Local man ruins everything.”

“Mom, get the camera!”

“I cri evrytiem.”

“The struggle is real.”

“I am the one who knocks!”

“Perfection.”

“This is the darkest timeline.”

“I’m about to end this man’s whole career.”

“I regret nothing!!!”

“I lied.”

“I’ve seen enough [insert] to know where THIS is going.”

“Oh god why-”

“Everyday I’m shufflin’-”

“You wot mate?”

“Everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked...”

“Man door hand hook car door-”

“Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on my sweater already, Mom's spaghetti-”

“Oppa Gangnam style!”

“When [place] is ashes, you have my permission to die.”

“I only cried for 20 minutes.”

“Pepperidge Farm remembers.”

“Go home, [Name], you’re drunk.”

“Fuck me, right?”

“I should buy a boat.”

“2deep4you”

“Apply cold water to that burn.”

“420 blaze it!”

“That’s a nice new [insert]. It would be a shame if something happened to it...”

“I too, like to live dangerously.”

“You know nothing, [Name].”

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Does this look like the face of mercy?”

“It was me, [OWN NAME]!”

“Stop trying to make [insert] happen! It’s not going to happen!”

“You merely adopted the darkness.”

“See? Nobody cares.”

“I will find you, and I will kill you.”

“I understood that reference!”

“Listen here, you little shit-”

“It’s an older meme, sir, but it checks out.”

“Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.”

“How do you do, fellow kids?”

“Ow, the edge!”

“*teleports behind you* Nothing personal, kid.”

“Pee is stored in the balls.”

“We have food at home.”

“You must be new here.”

“Goats are like mushrooms, if you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters.”

“ERMAHGERD BERKS-”

“That’s the evilest thing I can imagine!”

“Dammit Moon Moon!”

“When u mom com home and make hte spagheti-“

“When will you learn? When will you learn?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!”

“helo would u like some of this hot choclety milk?”

“Be strong, [Name]. Be strong for Mother.”

“Ayy LMAO.”

“Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.”

“Shrek is love, Shrek is life.”

“Heard you were talking shit!”

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“Look at me. I’m the captain now.”

“This could be us, but you playing.”

“They played us like a damn fiddle!”

“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”

“I’m in me mum’s car, broom broom!”

“Hand me the aux cord.”

“Press F to pay respects.”

“Trust nobody, not even yourself.”

“Anime was a mistake.”

“It’s just a prank, bro!”

“Don’t talk to me or my son ever again.”

“Are ya winning, son?”

“Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.”

“I lived bitch!”

“You just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.”

“*chuckles* I’m in danger.”

“That wasn’t very cash money of you.”

“They had us in the first half, not gonna lie.”

“DEEZ NUTS-”

“Alone on a Friday night? God, you’re pathetic.”

“Why the fuck you lyin’? Why you always lyin’? Mmmm oh my GOD, stop fuckin’ lyin’~”

“You’re gonna have a bad time.”

“I’m at soup!”

“IT’S TIME TO STOP!”

“Congratulations, you played yourself.”

“I’m you, but stronger.”

“This is fine.”

“Hello darkness my old friend~”

“Sosig.”

“Jesus Christ, it’s Jason Bourne!”

“I have crippling depression!”

“WE ARE NUMBER ONE!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo.”

“Take a fucking sip, babes.”

“Brother, may I have some oats?”

“God I wish that were me.”

“Ah, I see you’re a man of culture as well.”

“Oh, worm?”

“Hewwo!”

“Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?”

“Am I a joke to you?”

“Let me in. LET ME IIIIIINNNNN!!!!!”

“You know I had to do it to ‘em.”

“Why is the FBI here?”

“Oh no baby what is you doin’???”

“Hey man, you see that guy over there?”

“Buenos días, [Name]!”

“Hey there demons, it’s me, ya boy.”

“Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.”

“Then perish.”

“Somebody toucha my spaghet!”

“My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.”

“Weird flex, but okay.”

“I’m baby.”

“STONKS!”

“OK, boomer.”

“Yep, this one’s going in my cringe compilation.”

“This is so sad. Alexa, play Despacito.”

“Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”

“All right then, keep your secrets.”

“They did surgery on a grape.”

“It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.”

“Look how they massacred my boy!”

“Bro! You just posted cringe! You are going to lose subscriber.”

“Wait, that’s illegal.”

“Bro, I’m straight-up not having a good time.”

“Gonna cry? Gonna piss your pants maybe?”

“I’m gonna do what’s called a pro gamer move.”

“Say sike right now.”

[fiftytwotwentytwo]

Last of the Breed

Author: Louis L' Amour

Adventure / Military Fiction

Page Count: 457

How did I come across this book?:

I purposely attempted to find a Western and researched the author Louis L'Amour - who in (my) High School was dubbed the Shakespeare of the Western novel. Some sources claimed Last of the Breed to be L' Amour's best book.

Review:

Well, first off - I sought out a Western and didn't get a Western- I got a Historical Military book instead (some research, huh). Once I realized - I had an immediate prejudice towards reading this book because I hate war/military genres and period pieces. Granted, I was not too jazzed about Westerns either - but - don't knock 'em until you try 'em.

I tried to keep a level head.

The first couple chapters were not too bad - they read like a Jason Bourne movie in Ol' Mother Russia - started off with a nice escape... but... then it started to read like all the boring parts from a Jason Bourn movie and didn't bounce back.

The book is intoxicated with tons of internal thoughts/monologues from both protagonist and antagonists which are loaded with overbearing bits of forshadowing

Internal thought from Main Protagonist:

"They'll never find me...unless they have an expert tracker."

NEXT CHAPTER:

Russian Soldier:

"This man is eluding us like a fart in the wind. We'll never find him!"

Expert Tracker:

"You forget, I am an expert tracker. He ate deer scat for breakfast, took a dump in that bush over yonder, and went that way. We'll catch him by the end of the day... unless he set elaborate booby traps."

(repeat cycle...)

*** Note: Ol' Louis L'Amour did not actually right those passages from above - that was a little (hopefully) humorous carte blanche from yours truly - but the cadence is the exact same ***

The story had, in my opinion, a confusing passage of time. Days...Weeks... Months could pass in a single paragraph. It also didn't help with each new chapter the perspective jumped to another character completely out left field - absolute horrible transitions.

The actions/pacing at times was absurdly choppy - to the extent characteristics/items appeared out of nowhere - and - then there were heavy moments of repetitiveness and redundancies similar to the conversation of a parrot.

There was also back to back statements that contradicted each other - things like saying there is No Snow only to have the characters, lines later, trudging through Snow.

The descriptions of the settings/locales were extremely conservative that story might as well taken place in a paper bag.

Throw in some dull side characters who for some reason receive their own fifteen minutes of tepid fame, and a bland love story - like so bland the main characters don't even recognize they are in love - like two Zuckerbergs in elevator - blander than two stay-at-home moms trying to make a facebook rummage sale happen in an abandoned Radio Shack parking lot... that's still too spicy... change that to an abandoned K-Mart parking lot!

For the all disparaging remarks the book did have some small pops poofs of excitement - almost infinitesimal all because of the blatant foreshadowing - but exciting nonetheless.

Personal Rating: 3/10

Yearly Book Total: 34

Total Page Count: 11,534 pages

[stewblog]

BLACK WIDOW

It shouldn’t have taken this long to happen, but now that it’s finally arrived Black Widow was (almost) everything it needed to be. 

Admittedly, it’s a little difficult not to harbor at least a small amount of animosity toward Marvel Studios regarding the first (and almost certainly only) solo outing for Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson). Black Widow should have, at minimum, replaced the release of Captain Marvel in 2019, if not arrived years earlier. One of the founding members of the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s version of The Avengers deserved a more prominent placement in the canon thus far. But, none of that is really the fault of this particular film or the people directly responsible for making it, but I felt it necessary to specify that upfront. 

Given that Natasha has already (spoilers for a three-year-old film, I guess) died, it made me wonder what the point of giving her a solo film would even be at this juncture of the MCU. Making it a prequel, though technically necessary, sounded even less interesting. That said, once this thing hits home video you can quite easily slip it in right after Captain America: Civil War where it belongs and nearly all of the release timing issues will simply melt away. 

So how does it fare when you’re watching it right now in the theater (or on Disney+ Premiere Access)? I was honestly a bit surprised at how much I enjoyed it and at how well it holds itself up as a standalone adventure, albeit with some notable flaws. 

After a brief prologue in 1990s Ohio where it shows Natasha and her little sister Yelena were raised by a pair of Russian sleeper agents, we pick things up right after the events of Captain America: Civil War. Natasha is on the run having betrayed her commitment to the Sokovia Accords (the pact which outlaws all superhero activity not explicitly sanctioned by the United Nations). She heads out into the middle of nowhere and does her best to lay low (she’s a big fan of the James Bond movie Moonraker, it turns out). But it’s not long before trouble comes calling. 

Natasha wasn’t the only child groomed to be part of the Widow program. Yelena (Florence Pugh) grew up to become quite the adept secret agent as well, only she’s discovered the hard way that her generation of Widows have all been genetically brainwashed after being unexpectedly dosed with a vaccine that reverses the mental locks put into place. Now on the run herself, Yelena attempts to reunite with Natasha in an attempt to free their Widow sisters and take down the so-called Red Room program. 

The ensuing film moves at an appropriate breakneck pace with all the motorcycles, car chases, fist fights, shootouts,derring do and clandestine political intrigue that one would expect to find in any given movie starring the likes of Jason Bourne. And like Jason Bourne’s escapades, this becomes a very personal mission for Natasha and Yelena as they seek to enact vengeance upon the organization and people who so callously disregard the humanity of the women they reprogram and exploit. 

There’s a pleasing physicality at play throughout the action and mayhem of Black Widow. Granted, that’s almost by necessity given that all but one major character lacks anything resembling traditional super powers, so the action takes on a more grounded feel than what we typically get from a Marvel movie where robotic suits of armor, demigods and mystical arts have become de rigueur, bordering on passe’. It doesn’t (or perhaps can’t) measure up to the type of action and stunts offered up by the likes of, say, the recent Mission: Impossible films but it’s still satisfying and engaging on its own terms. 

That said, what makes this more than just The Bourne Imitation, though, is the focus and attention on the ersatz family that ends up being the heart of the film. Natasha and Yelena are initially abandoned by Alexei (David Harbour) and Milena (Rachel Weisz), only to once again be thrust together decades later. This culminates in a wonderful scene at a dinner table where everyone slips back into their domestic roles both knowingly and not. There is both conflict and affection flowing back and forth, and not always equally. But the chemistry and writing at play turns this scene and, as a group, these characters and this scene into something that rarely rears its head within the Marvel Cinematic Universe. 

Harbour has sort of cemented his career playing lovable schlubs and that’s played to maximum effect (and affect) here as he charismatically lumbers his way through each scene as the Soviety Union’s own Communism-loving Captain America knock-off The Red Guardian. Alexei’s blowhard nature is quite often played up for comedic effect (even during fight scenes) but Harbour still manages to allow an endearing sincerity to shine through, especially when he’s interacting with his “daughters.” 

Weisz, sadly, is given very little to do though she makes the most of it. It’s Pugh and Johansson who, rightly, carry the weight of the entire proceeding. Their interactions feel human, fully informed and realized thanks to years of resentment, hardship and all that comes with being a hyper-trained super spy. Pugh and Johansson carry it naturally and with ease. Johansson deserved to have this film much sooner, but I will at least admit that having it this late in the game does at least allow for Johansson to draw from a deeper slate of the character’s history and experience, lending additional weight to the proceedings. Pugh also is a superb actor in her own right and at the risk of spoilers, let’s just say that I can’t wait to see where she takes Yelena further down the road. 

If there’s a significant flaw to Black Widow it’s that the story’s central villain leaves a lot to be desired, and not just by the fairly high standards Marvel Studios has set with its canon of villains. I realize that not every film can have a Loki or Killmonger or Hela-caliber villain, and certainly more than a few MCU films have faltered when it comes to the bad guy in charge. But so much of Black Widow’s thematic weight comes from watching these women reclaim their lives from the men who stole them. Natasha has an engaging encounter with Dreykov (Ray Winstone), the man behind the Red Room, but there’s too little meat there, too little actualized history for it to mean much. It doesn’t help that Winstone’s performance is wildly, distractingly uneven as he wavers constantly between a cartoonish persona and delivering actual menace. To say nothing of his hilariously inconsistent accent. 

Despite this, Black Widow largely succeeds at providing a proper sendoff both for the character and for Johansson via an exciting outing that’s got heart and laughs to spare. 

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Cassell Cynics: Part 5 (End...?)

OCs are @hectab ‘s . Dinnae Steal! :D that’s my job. :3c

Hana sprinted from Nathan’s dorm towards Guderian’s class room, full of desperation. She kicked off the silly heels Cassell forced her to wear and let the pavement pound through her bare feet. As she ran, she called the professor on her cell phone again and again, but he didn’t pick up. She imagined him teaching a class. She would disrupt it. She would get into trouble maybe she would be disciplined. But they were making a mistake! She had to get them to change their mind!

How come Fingel got to stay as rank F and Nathan was getting expelled as a Rank C? It wasn’t fair! Nathan had way more potential than Fingel and even if he didn’t do anything... why was his mental health not a concern to them? They were the ones who decided to keep him! This is partly their fault. But all Guderian regretted was not being able to refund his tuition! 

She took the twenty stairs up to the main teaching hall in a single bound. Her dark ponytail flying behind her. The doors were already propped open but no one was in the halls. She kept running, expecting resistance. But finding none at all. In fact, all the lights were off as if the classes were finished for the semester.

She dialed Guderian’s number again and it rang and rang. She could hear it ringing in the classroom ahead of her. How could he just ignore her calls like this!

Hana burst through the double doors into a classroom that was empty and dark.  The lights were out and the shades were drawn. The person standing at Guderian’s usual desk was Schneider! He was like a gargoyle in a dark trenchcoat. His sharp eyes glared from behind the half mask over his face. He was holding Guderian’s phone.

“You sent those texts?!” Hana gasped.

Strong arms seized Hana from either side of the doors and dragged her forward, pushing her into a chair in front of him. Hana was overtaken with confusion. “What’s happening? Where’s Professor Guderian?”

She looked up at either one of the people holding on to her. They were members of the Executive Board. Not students, full members!  “What’s going on? Where’s Nathan?”

“You’re too late. He’s already in with Toyama. His brainwashing has commenced.” Schneider said smoothly, setting the phone down. “And you will not be allowed to interfere.”

---

Nathan kept his head up high as he faced the psychologist Dr. Toyama. “It was a nice run.” He grinned. “Wish it could have lasted.”

Toyama, dressed in his usual brown tailored suit raised his eyebrows in surprise as he took a seat across from him. “You’re the cheeriest patient I’ve had the pleasure of working with.”

“Really? I’m guessing that they either don’t know what you really do or ... they’re here against their will. I’m neither of those things. I would have preferred to let my tuition run out first but... hey I get it. I’m not supposed to be here so... here we are!”

“Do you really not feel the Blood Cry at all?” Toyama asked. He picked up an iPad and started writing with a stylus.

“What difference does it make? I’m C-ranked. I don’t qualify for College. You don’t ask students if they feel the Blood Cry if they fail the 3E do you? You just kick them out.”

Toyama smiled, his eyes kind and gentle. “But you didn’t fail the 3E.”

Nathan gave a nervous laugh, his arms crossing over his chest. He glanced around and his eyes fell on hidden cameras very quickly. “You people were the ones who told me I got a C-rank. That’s a fail by your own rules. Why are you suddenly saying I didn’t fail. Did someone falsify my records?”

“I’m required to be present during the 3E. So I remember you. You were nervous but I remember you had a glimmer of excitement in your eyes. You didn’t seem to doubt yourself going in. But after the test was over...”

Nathan interrupted. “The 3E sucks. There are people who have to go to the hospital after! You’re there so they don’t blow their brains out after seeing their visions.”

“It only ‘sucks’ if they actually resonate...” Toyama said coldly.

Toyama sat in silence for several seconds and watched Nathan start to sweat. He rubbed his hands on his pants then suddenly relaxed. “Oh! I have my book with me. I figured I’d go for uh...Jason Bourne. You know, a secret spy who was ‘decomissioned’ by a black government program.” He opened to the correct page and showed it to Toyama. “Give me that memory please.”

Toyama took the notebook from him. There were over a hundred different scenarios of different reasons to explain the lost year from an erased memory, each one getting more and more elaborate as the time went on. But Toyama flipped to the first page.

“Hey! Don’t just go flipping through all of it!” Two members of the discipline committee caught Nathan before he could snatch the book back and restrained him back into the chair.

Toyama read out loud. “August 12th... isn’t that the first day you enrolled? That’s also the first day you wanted to leave.”

Nathan glowered as he was being strapped to the chair with belt like attachments. “Why do you care? Fine, you know what? I quit! I quit and I drop out. I drop out right now!”

“You wanted to leave immediately after the 3E. You could have dropped out then but you didn’t....” Toyama closed the book. “But now you’re suddenly eager to go. What changed?”

“I wanted to enjoy my time here... But you won’t let me...” Nathan snarled.

“We won’t let you enjoy your time? You’ve been here a year and have done nothing but break the rules without consequences.” Toyama said.

“Stop. Just stop! You want me... out there. Fighting in this stupid war! That’s why I’m here. If you really thought I was useless you would have kicked me out! Right?”

“Who wants you fighting in the war against dragons..?” Toyama asked slowly.

Like quicksand, Nathan felt like the more he talked, the deeper he sank. “Do you not hear me! I said I quit! I quit!” He roared louder and louder. “You can’t keep me here!”

“You feel the Blood Cry more strongly than you admit. If I erase your mind the consequences could be disastrous.”

“Why are you stalling? What did she tell you?!” He pulled against the restraints.

“Why don’t you let us help you?”

“I don’t WANT your help!”

Toyama stared in wonder. It wasn’t that he was angry or frustrated. This man was terrified. “Why are you so scared of staying here?”

-----

His brainwashing was already in progress? Hana felt like the wind was knocked out of her.

"No! You have to stop it!”  Maybe if she ran, she could make it! The sharp click of a gun was loud against her head when she tried to stand. Her eyes turned to the sound and she stared down the bottomless barrel of a pistol. “Are you going to shoot me? Why? What’s going on...” Her voice was shaking and betrayed.

Schneider expression was completely pitiless. He looked like the Phantom of the Opera as he set a stop watch on the desk. “You have 10 seconds to explain or our decision is final.” 

“9...8...7...”

“I...” She stared at it, mind racing. “I promised him that I wouldn't say anything about what we talked about... Please he’s my only friend!”

“6...5...4...”

“He won’t survive out there, I know he won’t! Just let him stay! He never caused any trouble!”

“3...2...1..”

“He quit the test on purpose!”

The stop watch beeped and Schneider silenced it with a gloved finger. Hana was still out of breath from running and now she was panting from terror. “Please, just let him stay.”

“The test. You mean the 3E? No one ‘quits’ the 3E, but you said he did.” Schneider kept his frigid stare on her. “He’s not C-ranked and you know it. Why did you lie and say he was?”

“I don’t know if I lied.” Hana’s heart had never beat faster. “I don’t want to lie.”

“But you did.” Schneider raised a single scarred eyebrow. “Which makes this all the more remarkable.”

Schneider walked around the desk and sat down, resting his elbows on the desktop and twining his fingers in front of his face. “You’re a good student. One of the best. What are you doing, Hana?”

“I don’t have anyone else here. I think he’s a good guy. We can be friends. I just want you to leave him alone.” She said.

Schneider waved his hand slightly and the two Executive Board agents turned and left, closing the door.

“EVA!” He raised his voice suddenly. “I need you to remove yourself from this room for the next ten minutes.”

A female voice acknowledged from the PA system. “For the next 10 minutes, I will have no access to this classroom..”

Schneider kept his piercing pale eyes on her. “Everything you say from here on out will be strictly confidential unless you repeat it to others. If anyone asks me, I’ll never tell what you say here today.” She kept a guarded look so he added. “I have many, many secrets I never tell anyone, Hana. You can tell me.”

In their chat over dinner, Nathan had kept asking her if she was on his side and she was. She really was. She didn’t believe he was really high on drugs when he told her about the 3E exam, the vision he had of the dragons’ true nature. But the excuse that he was high when he said those things was too perfect to resist. It was a ‘get out of jail free card’. She had thought that all she had to say was he was high and she wouldn’t lie to the professors and they would go back to ignoring him. But now she found herself in even deeper trouble, facing down the head of the Executive Department. The most dangerous man on Earth! “You really promise you won’t tell anyone else?” 

-----------------

“You risk your mental health if you continue on this path. It’s self destructive.” Toyama continued to try to reason with Nathan. “I just want to make sure you understand the great risk you’re taking and that your decision is not being made rashly.”

Nathan hung his head, as though he were being led to the gallows. "It’s not being made rashly. I know exactly what I’m doing. I know I could just... end up jumping off a bridge once my memories are gone. I’ve been preparing for it. Seeing what works. Marijuana helps a lot. But the problem is you build up a tolerance over time. Especially as a hybrid. Music, weed, regular sleep... it all helps take the edge off the Blood Cry. Alcohol makes it worse alone but with weed it’ll help you sleep.”

“You’ve been experimenting on yourself this whole time?” Toyama ran his fingers along his chin. “You really are serious. If that’s the case, you’re right that I can’t keep you. I just want to know why. Both professionally and personally. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire career.”

Nathan kept his silence. He didn’t look at Toyama any more.

Toyama’s phone suddenly buzzed. “Excuse me.”

Nathan nodded without looking up.

Toyama stepped out. His voice sounded through the door. He was talking to someone for a very long time. The two disciplinary committee students were still there and he glanced up at one. “I’m sure you guys are curious too...?”

“Not really. I don’t care if you’re here or not.” The square jawed man looked down on him contemptuously. “Frankly, I wonder why they’re wasting time hesitating.”

Nathan laughed softly and looked down. So long as he insisted on leaving, they wouldn’t be able to hold him. This was the final push. No doubt they were trying to force him to stay for their own reasons. They knew he was hiding something precious and they didn’t want to let him go.

--------------------

Hana looked up at Schneider on the phone. 

“Cancel his expulsion.” Schneider said simply.

A pause. Schneider asked. “Did he say why?”

Another longer pause and Schneider licked his lips. “Have you tried to dissuade him?”

Another pause. “Alright. I’ll see what I can do.”

Schneider hung up. “Well, it appears your friend is determined to leave. Unless you could convince him to stay, Toyama has no choice but to wipe his mind. You said you’re his friend right? What do you think?” Schneider’s manner had completely changed. While he wasn’t a warm personality, that frigid atmosphere was gone.

“I don’t want him to go. I’m afraid at what might happen. But he doesn't believe in Cassell or the mission.”

“Toyama seems to feel nervous about wiping him as well but he has been unable to convince him to stay so far. Do you think you can?”

“Professor Schneider. When you look at me, do you think I could be someone who could actually kill a dragon given the opportunity? Please. Be honest.” Hana Sato asked.

The hiss of Schneider’s oxygen tank was audible in the silence, and it hissed 3 times before he finally answered. “When humans battle with dragons, our victory tends to be a pyrrhic victory.”

“What’s a pyrrhic victory?” She tilted her head.

Those light eyes sparkled and then softened into something akin to a great sadness. “A pyrrhic victory is when the cost of the victory is so great, it can be reasonably be called a defeat.”

Hana swallowed hard as another layer was peeled back and once again Nathan was revealed to be correct.

“Do you think the fight against dragons is unwinnable?” she asked.

“It’s not about winning or not winning.” Schneider said. “It’s about survival. If we don’t fight against the dragons, it will simply mean the certain end of all human society. If it is impossible, as he says, then I can understand why he would rather have no part of it. But I don’t share his hopelessness. I believe we can win. And even if it comes at the great cost of many lives, if it means the future of mankind, it will have been worth it.”

-------

Toyama returned to the room and shooed away the two disciplinary committee members. Once they were gone he said. “Your expulsion has been canceled.” 

Nathan let out a short laugh, sadness filling him. Hana must have talked. He supposed he couldn’t expect Hana to sacrifice herself for him. They hardly knew each other after all. “Oh really? Are they changing my rank too?”

“No one has said anything about that. To change your rank you will need to retake the 3E. Are you still going to drop out?”

“Yeah. Go ahead and do it. Sign whatever paperwork. Go ahead. I’m ready.”

“Now why are you upset?”

Nathan turned his head away. “I’m not.”

“You are. You were happy to leave at first. Now that I’m letting you go, you look terribly sad. Close to tears even”

“I’m sad because I don’t have any weed. Once I’m out of here, just make sure to stash my marijuana in my backpack. I’ll smoke and feel alright.”

Toyama paused to give him one more chance to think of a way out and when nothing was forthcoming, he unstrapped Nathan from the chair, unbuckling the restraints. “You said Jason Bourne? There were a few more pleasant scenarios in there. The last one was a artist running from the dictator in Korea.”

“I have no artistic talent. I was just spitballing.”

“Witness protection program?”

“Seems to require a lot of staff.” Nathan massaged his wrists.

“Plane crash coma victim?”

“Make it car crash and I think we have a winner.”

“Alright.”

A knock at the door surprised both of them. Toyama went to answer it. “You are just in time. We were about to start.”

“Hana?” Nathan was surprised, delighted and then wary to see his soon to be former fellow student. “What are you doing here? Here to say goodbye after ratting me out?”

Hana stood taller than Toyama. Her face was serene when she looked at him. “No.” She said. “I’m leaving too.”

------

Hana sighed. Her mind was a jumbled mix of thoughts. Her first question was where am I? Nothing came to mind for a split second, only for the thought to pop up unbidden.

She was at Cassell. Cassell... how did she get here?

Another brief silence from her mind and then an image appeared unbidden. She had been on an escort assignment. Everything seemed normal until they were on their way back and got T-boned by someone who red light. She didn’t remember anything after that.

She opened her eyes to the white hospital room.

Toyama was sitting next to her bed. “How are you feeling, Hana?”

“I’m fine... Nathan... Where’s Nathan?” She sat up and was suddenly assaulted by dizziness.

“Nathan is fine.” Toyama said, reaching out to steady her. “He’s where he usually is. You remember right?”

She smiled gently. “Yes. I remember. On the bench... smoking.”

[dontshootmespence]

The Most Natural Thing In The World

Summary: An experienced Dom and a virgin meet in a bar. Can he introduce her to a world she’s always imagined but never known before? Is it everything she wanted?

Words: 1,179

Warnings: Quirophilia, fingering, slight voyeurism.

A/N: My next entry for @cm-kinkbingo​ run by my beautiful girlfriend @heycasbutt. This fills my quirophilia square. It’s all about the hands, my friends.

“Spence, are you sure they’re gonna like me? I feel like I wanna vomit,” you say earnestly. “I mean really pukey. What if they hate me?”

Spencer laughs softly and caresses your cheeks in his hands. They could be so soft and comforting one minute, and leaving red marks the next. You love the contrast. “They are going to love you.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I love you,” he replies, placing a kiss on your forehead. “After prison, I never thought I could be content, let alone happy. And then I found you. And my friends noticed. All they want is for me to be happy and you make me happy. So they’ll love you. We’ll watch a movie. You and I will cook and at the end of the night they’ll love you like I do. Well…not exactly like I do. I don’t want to share.”

Blushing, you lean into him when you here a knock at the door. It’s an older man first. “You must be David,” you say, just a little too excitedly, like your mouth is a motor with an endless battery.

He nods and steps in the door, his free hand covering yours. “Y/N, we’ve all heard a lot about so there’s no need to be nervous.”

“You profiling me, David?”

“Can’t turn it off,” he laughs. “Is that pasta I’m smelling?”

You giggle and point back toward the kitchen. “Yea, we’ve made baked ziti and chicken parmesan and now we’re about to start making cookies.”

David raises his eyebrow at Spencer. “I like her. She cooks Italian. Marry her.”

“Planning on it,” he replies without missing a beat.

It takes you off guard, but you don’t have time to ruminate on it because there’s another knock at the door. In quick succession, you meet the Unit Chief Emily, who you’re pretty sure is the coolest person you’ve ever met, Penelope, who’s a fucking ray of sunshine, and Luke, one of the newer members of the team. You all get to talking, exchanging random pleasantries while you wait for Matt, Tara and JJ to show up. Finally, the gang’s all there. “Okay, please everyone dig in. We’ve made too much food.”

“We?” Spencer snickers. “I believe I said we could half the amount of food and still be fine.

You stick your tongue out at him and reply, “I only know how to cook for myself, two people or an army, there is no in between.”

After deciding on watching the first Jason Bourne movie, everyone takes a seat with plates piled high with food. “Alright, we’ll be back here making copious amounts of cookies, but the food is still here if you wanna come back for second and thirds, please do.”

Spencer flips the lights and the apartment starts to fill with the sounds of Jason Bourne punching the shit out of everything and the smells of delicious Italian and fresh-baked cookies.

You slip the second tray into the oven and decide to lean against the kitchen island, grasping glances of the movie in between the stirring of cookie batter. Spencer comes up behind you and wraps his hands around your waist, the tips of his fingers playing with the waistband of your jeans.

Craning your head toward him, you brush your lips against his cheek. “So you wanna marry me, Spencer Reid?”

“Yup. You wanna be Mrs. Reid?”

You giggle quietly and nod, smiling wide when his gaze meets yours. He’s happy. You make him happy. You’ve never done drugs before but you imagine this is what it feels like – this ability to make him smile despite it all. “I’ve got an idea,” he says softly, his supple lips pressing on the outer shell of your ear. His hand slips down into your panties, lithe fingers skating against soft skin. “Don’t make a sound.”

‘Are you insane’ ghosts like a phantom across your lips.

“Are you questioning me?” He whispers. His breath against your ear makes you shiver, and though you fear getting caught you also want to take his fingers and fuck yourself with them. He reads your mind of course, with his evil mind powers, or profiling whatever, but he manages, unzipping your jeans and slipping two fingers between your folds.

With his free hand, he grabs your own and glides it down to cover his. “Go ahead,” he says softly. “I know you want to. Just don’t alert the media.”

You bite your lip to suppress a giggle and a moan. It practically hurts to choke it back. Using your own hand, you massage his fingers into your slickness, putting pressure on your clit.

You’re about to grind against his hand when Matt gets up to indulge in some more food. Stilling your movements is harder than you imagine and you’re almost positive Matt knows something is happening, but as a father of four with a fifth on the way, he doesn’t say anything.

Once he’s seated again, you squeeze your legs around Spencer’s fingers. Although you’re glad to be meeting his friends, you also kind of wish they weren’t here so you could jump up on the counter and have Spencer finger you senseless. Even on the day you met you noticed his hands. He uses them when he talks, sometimes in a nervous way, but when he wants to use them he knows how.

“You’re very wet,” he teases. For a moment, Emily glances back and you’re positive she knows something’s happening, but Spencer told you she used to participate in sin-to-win weekends in Atlantic City, so she’s probably not a stranger to this kind of thing. “Emily totally knows.”

“If your friends are as good as you say they are, I’m pretty sure they all know.” You whisper as you roll your hips against his hand, which thankfully has started moving, providing you with the pressure you crave.

Spencer chides. “And you don’t care?”

“Nope.” You pop the ‘p’ at the end of the word and pull the cookies out of the oven, replacing the cooked dough with raw to work on the next batch. Even though Penelope and Luke get up to grab more food, teasing each other in the process, you don’t zip up your jeans, just maneuver yourself so that they can’t see. When they go back to their seats, Spencer’s fingers glide over you again. “Are they together?” You ask, motioning toward Luke and Penelope.

Spencer shakes his head. “But they should be. She feigns not being into him and he’s so bad at covering the fact that he likes her.”

“We should work on that.”

“You want to meddle?” He asks, apparently open to the idea.

“Absolutely.”

“Good, we’ll definitely start meddling. In the meantime, I think you have a job to do.”

You laugh quietly against his cheek and grind against those beautiful fingers, reveling in the feel of them against your sensitive skin until you begin to shake. “That was fun. When they leave…?”

“All night long. I don’t have to get up for work in the morning.”

[justjessame]

Avery Emerson Clay: A Wolf In Sheep's...

Cougar and Aisha had returned from their field trip. Pooch had taken his lunch to the pool house to check in on his wife and son, more than understandable given Rose’s current unknown whereabouts. As everyone filled a plate, I was trying to hold back the urge to shake the shit out of Clay and possibly Dad to get answers.

Finally, with Jake on one side and Mom on the other, I couldn’t take it any longer. “Well?”

Dad shot Clay a look and I could almost see the thought bubbles above their heads. “Do you want to handle the overly dramatic female or should I?” -- “Rock, paper, scissors?”

I was contemplating whether the salt and pepper shakers, being made of cut glass, would be heavy and hard enough to get their attention without knocking their stupid asses out and thus render them useless for information when Clay pushed his plate slightly away and cleared his throat.

“The last visual we have of Rose is on a traffic cam near her house from yesterday,” he was maintaining eye contact with me, which was keeping my blood pressure down - for now. “It looked like she was running regular errands, but -” he took a deep breath and his eyes flicked to Dad and my stomach flipped. “She was intercepted by someone wearing a GI uniform.”

A Guardian Incorporated uniform? Our uniforms are one of those things that are almost mythical. Seeing one is like seeing a fucking unicorn, owning one? Good fucking luck. No one wears one outside of a fucking job, and outside of that? No.

“That’s -” Mom’s hand reached for mine and I was gratified to feel how cold hers was because it meant I wasn’t the only one who was freaked all the fucking way out. “How would that happen, Frank?”

Dad looked like he planned on finding out in the most painful way possible, and I ALMOST felt bad for the assholes he was going to tear apart. Almost. Mostly I wanted to come along and help, because honest to fuck, this was the worst news I’d ever fucking heard.

I suppose I should take a moment, while anyone in our group who still has a fucking appetite finishes their lunch, to explain my dad’s company Guardian Incorporated.

Do you ever wonder what happens to those guys whose resume reads like a Jason Bourne movie? Or those people who have a higher kill count than incels who never leave their mom’s basements and are counting “kills” as fucking trolls or fairies or whatever?

Well, Dad was coming to the end of his career in the military and the idea of taking up fishing or something sounded about as fun to him as knitting. My grandpa, the one who made sure that that shotgun wedding of Mom and Dad’s was THE EVENT of the year, was bemoaning how hard it was for people like him - read disgustingly rich and prone to being taken hostage in foreign lands - to find suitable security.

A huge fucking spotlight went off in Dad’s head and BOOM Guardian Incorporated was formed. The best of the best, from every branch of service, come to Dad when their time is up serving Uncle Sam and he runs them through a gauntlet that makes what the highest standards they’ve been through look like a fucking cakewalk, and if they pass, they get added to the roster.

The roster is for the jobs that keep people like Grandpa safe. It also does other shit that I’m not allowed to talk about because Dad would be irritated and then I’d have to write up a press release and well, honestly it’s not worth the bullshit.

GI uniforms aren’t something we throw out at anyone or for anything. They are SUPER special shit that comes out for very impressive moments. Like I said, you’d have a better chance of seeing a unicorn fucking a mermaid than catching sight of a GI uniform in the light of day on a regular street. But if Rose saw someone sporting one? She’d go with them without question or fight. That’s how fucking special they are.

“I want to go,” I knew I sounded exactly like a toddler who wanted to tag along after her daddy and big brother on a trip, but fuck you - I wanted to go with them to beat someone warm and fleshy up.

“No,” Dad didn’t mince words and I wanted to argue, but I knew it was useless. Fuck. “Avery, you have to stay here.”

“Thought my ass was bait.” I bit out, and he rolled his eyes. “What? Didn’t this asshole actually make contact WITH ME?”

“Yeah, and he let you go,” Dad reminded me. “He decided you weren’t worth the effort, kiddo.” He clipped me on my chin and then kissed me on the temple. “Stay here, Avery.”

I was about to say something again, but Clay shook his head. “I’m running point,” it was my turn to roll my eyes. “Jensen is with me, Pooch is staying here. Aisha -” He kept talking, but I was angry. Dad was planning on going through the roster to find out where the fucking mole was, but I was supposed to sit on my hands and play nice. Fucking shit.

“Hey,” I looked up to see Jake staring down at me. “Don’t look so pissed,” I shook my head, but my expression was locked and loaded. “This is the first run, Avery.” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my nose. “I promise if we figure out who the traitor is, I’ll let you taser his balls.” I smiled and he kissed me. When he pulled back he shook his head. “Tasering someone’s balls gets a smile from you?” He sighed. “That should scare me, shouldn’t it?”

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Postmortem: You Suck

I don’t really talk about my love for Mortal Kombat near as much as i do for Marvel, Fate, Star Wars, or Batman, but i adore that bloody franchise. Seriously, the vast majority of this blog is just Marvel and Star Wars content but, i mean, I'm an Eighties baby. That was a massive chunk of our childhoods. See? Even in an essay bout Mortal Kombat, Marvel and Star Wars found it’s way into the conversation. I have a problem but that’s not the problem i want to address in this essay. The problem i have with this one, is the f*cking Mortal Kombat release that just dropped. F*ck did they get so much wrong! I haven’t felt this frustrated with a movie since The Old Guard. I wanted this to be a Comparison but, as i tried to coalesce my thoughts about both films, it became mad apparent to me that the Nineties version of this movie would runaway with it. How is it possible that a film which came out twenty-six years ago, sh*ts all over one with modern shooting techniques and effects? How can a PG-13 movie, saturated with tongue-in-cheek camp and constant nods to the camera, do the Enter the Dragon knock-off franchise more justice that the blockbuster, R-rated, third attempt? Yeah, so this is a postmortem now.

Issue: Cole Young

Why? F*cking why? Listen, I'm all for reimaginings. I love when people can take an established work, recontextualize it, and present something new but familiar. That’s why i keep seeing Batman movies. You can only tell that dude’s story so many times but it’s how you present that story which grabs me. I like the idea of Cole. A fresh face for the audience to view these fantastical circumstances through? Good idea. I hate the execution of Cole. Punk ass weenie who literally develops powers by getting his ass kicked, portrayed by an actor who can’t act, but brought in because of his stunt background, only to nerf the physicality of the role, relegating dude’s greatest strength to his greatest weakness? F*cking, why?

Fix 1: Drop Cole Young, Start Liu Kang

Look, Liu Kang IS Mortal Kombat. He’s their Ryu. He’s their Link. He’s their guy. Drop the family. Drop the Scorpion stuff. Drop the professional fight thrower shtick Build him up as a dude who learned all of this in the Buddhist orphanage he grew up in, denying all of it as just legend and storytelling, until he’s attacked by Sub-Zero. Force him to fight Subby-boy, only to get his ass beat without his Arcana, but have Jax save him just in time. Basically follow Cole’s plot going forward with an emphasis on Liu’s training.

Issue: Shang Tsung

Listen, Ng Chin Han is a get. Dude is a decent actor and i enjoyed he take on the shapeshifter but come on? If you’re not trying to do a Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, you’re doing it wrong. Shang Tsung should be snarky, quippy, and overconfident. This dude has won nine straight Mortal Kombat tournaments. It’s fine for him to be conniving and deceitful, Deadly Alliance, but this version of Shang is just too flaccid for the title. Hell, when Tagawa came back for the game, he STILL exuded that same smarmy energy and it was perfect.

Fix 2: Give Shang Tsung more agency

I, personally, love smarmy Shang Tsung but if you want to go different, go brutal. Make Shang the spear head of the offense. Give him a seen where he is just mowing down jobber monks in Raiden’s temple before getting real intimate with Hung Lao. Have Tsung absolutely brutalized Lao as Liu watches, breaking his neck before sucking the sole out of his limp body. You got an R, Lean into that sh*t. You gotta give Liu that Chan moment. Lao’s death not only establishes Shang as a straight up force, but activates Liu’s Arcana, fulfilling the prophecy.

Issue: The f*cking prophecy

Bro, you gotta get rid of all the Scorpion prophecy sh*t. That doesn’t fit. It doesn’t make any sense. The prophecy is supposed to be a foreshadowing of Outworld’s downfall. Tying everything to Scorpion and Sub-Zero just because Ed Boon loves the character is kind of ridiculous. And that’s coming from me, a guy who uses Scorpion as his main since MKI. I love Scorpion, Dude is my favorite character in the entire franchise but giving him such a prominent role in this first film was a mistake.

Fix 3: Make it the Shaolin Prophecy

Have Shang Tsung send Sub-Zero into the Shaolin Temple with a team of Jobbers, probably Tarkatan or other Lin Kuei, and murder everyone. It is whispered that a great champion, kin to Master Kung Lao, would defeat the armies of Outworld, sealing Earthrealm off from the Emperor's grasp. baby Liu and Kung are saved, sent off to an orphanage in the US where they grow up in an orphanage run by a weird old man who tells stories. Eventually, the two separate, Kung returns to their homeland, Liu stays in the states, and they live their lives. Fast forward a bit and Shang gets wind that there are two survivors and he dispatches Sub-Zero to go after Liu. Fast forward to the temple, Liu reconnects with his cousin, Kung, who explains his powers activated during a battle against, let’s say... Baraka? Raiden feels it, recruits Kung Lao, who has been training in the temple ever since. He spars with Liu, teaching him the secrets her learned from Master Bo Rai Cho, until Raiden’s Temple is singed. Everything lays out like it did in the film except Liu watched Lao die at the hand of Shang, his Dragon Arcana activates, and the Sorcerer knows he dun goof’d.

Issue: Fights

The fighting sucked in this, man. It was shot like none of the principal actors were physical enough to pull off the fight scenes, which is ridiculous, because that opening scene was exceptional and those dues are old as f*ck. The dude who plays Scorpion, Hiroyuki Sanada, is f*cking sixty, man. You’re telling me these youngsters with actual stunt backgrounds, can’t give me a scrap as entertaining as a sixty year old man? Word?

Fix 4: Oh, there’s a lot here, bud

First, shoot the scraps better. Holy sh*t, that Taken editing was stupid. We live in an age of John Wick, The Raid, and Jason Bourne films, but you chose to shoot these scenes like this? Really? Bro, no. Hell, the fights in Enter the Dragon are some of the best I've eve seen and that motherf*cker dropped forty-eight years ago. Just do whatever he f*ck they did, just do it with a modern twist. Two, cast motherf*ckers that can believable execute the choreography. The chick that played Sonya in the first one, had to learn her fighting n set during the downtime of production because she as late to the shoot. THAT chick was a more believable fighter than the dude who played Cole and that was his f*cking job before he was an actor! F*cking, how?? Three, hire better stunt coordinators. These fights needed to be plotted out much better. Sure, fatalities are cool and special moves are awesome but they aren’t necessary. Liu Kang through one fireball in the first MK film and it was ll the better for it. I don’t need giant flame dragons and head claps and sh*t, i just need brutal, intense, violence inflicted upon a person. These people are in the fight for their lives. I need to feel that. Four, hire more jobbers. Too many actual named characters died in this movie. Too many actual named characters appeared in this movie. Why the f*ck was Nitara in this?

Look, there’s still SO much i would change about this flick. The costumes, the tone, the choice in music, the writing; All need to be adjusted. I would hold Scorpion back until sequel. Have him breaking out of the Netherrealm as a post credit stinger or something. This movie is broken and i think that’s because WB just made this thing to secure rights or a a backdoor pilot for HBO max content. Either way, this movie is bad, man and it didn’t have to be. You can make dope ass, martial arts films, on the cheap, especially when you “ground them in reality.” Why the f*ck didn’t that happen here? How the f*ck is the budget so high, and the film so cheap looking? I miss the ingenuity of the Eighties. Cats had to figure out how to make sh*t work because CG was too expensive. Now, that sh*t is everywhere and it’s a detriment to film. That sh*t takes casualties out of practical films and Mortal Kombat is definitely one of those.

[fuckyeahjamieandclaire]

Sam Heughan (left) and Caitriona Balfe as Jamie and Claire Fraser in “Outlander” —S‍‍TARS‍‍Z

LOS ANGELES—“The first episode is going to be for the fans,” Sam Heughan said about Season 5 of his hit time-travel drama series, “Outlander,” where he and Caitriona Balfe play Jaime and Claire Fraser, respectively.

“It gives the fans a moment to enjoy spending time with the Frasers and the extended family,” added Sam, dapper in a navy Armani suit, complete with a pocket square, in this LA interview.

“The wedding episode gives them time to wallow in that. But of course, things go downhill pretty quickly, so they get a little breathing space before we get into the drama.”

Sam talked some more about the devoted fans of the series based on Diana Gabaldon’s book series. Season 5 is based on the fifth book, “The Fiery Cross.”

“The fans are definitely fervent and extremely excited,” the blue-eyed Scot said. “We have the premiere coming up next month and we’re going to be in Los Angeles.”

Looking boyish with his short blonde hair, Sam grinned as he dished about the wig his Jamie character wears. “I didn’t wear a wig on the first two seasons, or a season and a half. My hair was dyed. I eventually had so much dye that my hair went purple. So we wigged it, which has been great.

Speaking of age, Sam turns 40 in April this year. “Oh God, thanks for reminding me,” the heartthrob reacted with a laugh. “This season, Jamie hits 50. I think he’s looking quite good (laughs). But yeah, I have my 40th birthday in April, so I’m quite excited about it. I definitely feel like taking stock as you do every year.

“I am inspired by a lot of different people, but I’d like to emulate someone like Paul Newman or a sportsman I know. I feel very positive about it, and I’m sure Jamie does, too.” The Newman reference is not random—more about that toward the end.

The milestone reminded Sam of his younger years when he was trying his luck in Los Angeles. “Yesterday, I almost felt the ghost of myself going past. I was sitting in this car in a nice suit I didn’t pay for, and going off to do some press. I just felt very lucky.”

He also recalled, “When I graduated from drama school (Royal Conservatoire of Scotland), I was 23, 24. I was always going for the juvenile lead part and quickly found out that I was losing the jobs to younger, much better-looking lads.

“When you get to my age and beyond, the parts get better. It’s not the same for women and that’s a shame because it does feel that there’s some disparity there.”

For the fans of “Outlander,” one of the big “reveals” in the new season’s trailer is the sight of the Scottish Jamie wearing the red coat of—gasp—the British Army. “It’s a bit of a spoiler,” he admitted. “That is such a huge moment because of Jamie’s history and his past. That uniform stands for everything that he has fought against.”For Sam, Jamie’s evolution in the Starz series keeps him engaged. “The show is constantly changing. I’m not stuck playing the same character. He has all these great responsibilities now. He feels the weight of that.“I would like to emulate some of Jamie’s qualities. He’s very loyal and quite stubborn. The love that Jamie has for Claire—it would be amazing to find something like that myself.”

The actor, who started playing Jamie when he was in his early 30s, remarked on the long run of “Outlander.” “We never knew where we would get to in this. It’s amazing—we’re still here and there still seems to be a great appetite for it. The show has found a home on Starz but obviously, being on Netflix has helped, as well.

“This season, the pressure is much greater. And we know that the Revolutionary War of Independence is coming, so Jamie knows what’s at stake here. He knows he’s on the wrong side. But he’s doing it for the greater good.”

In the meantime, in Sam’s own life, having a relationship is tough. “Certainly, relationships are hard when you’re working in Scotland 10 months a year. I travel a lot and any downtime I have, I’m trying to do other projects, so very much, my career comes first. Maybe I will find someone eventually.

“My whole career, not just ‘Outlander’ but as an actor, I have always put that first. It’s hard when you travel a lot. My priority has been my career, so that’s where I am at the moment. But I am sure at some point, I will get knocked off my feet, then I’m screwed (laughs).”

On and off the set, Sam has found a friend in Caitriona, with whom he spends a lot of time working together. “Poor girl,” he cracked.

“She is such a wonderful woman—intelligent and creative,” he praised his costar who married music producer Anthony McGill in August last year. “More than anything, she’s a good friend. She forces me sometimes to socialize when I don’t want to. She’s a social animal. It’s wonderful to be part of, and always welcomed into, her world.

“I am quite relaxed sometimes. I let things go. She’s very strong and likes to get things done. That probably winds her up. I shouldn’t say it, but I know when she is pissed off (laughs). She does a little foot tap. So, if I see her tap her foot, I’m like, here we go. I can see it.”

“Outlander’s” popularity—and Sam’s rise—have led to many opportunities. Sam is now planning to be a producer, as well. “I have definitely been trying to find other projects to produce,” he announced.

“As an actor, you always want to do other things. This last year, I got to play characters that are very different from Jamie Fraser—‘Bloodshot’ being one of them that happens next month.”

“I wouldn’t say my character is the bad guy,” Sam said of his Jimmy Dalton part in the action-drama-fantasy, “Bloodshot,” which costars Vin Diesel and Guy Pearce. “But he’s certainly a very angry man. It’s a lot of fun to play that character.

“I was on wires flying through the air and fighting Vin Diesel (laughs). As an actor, those are the moments where you go, oh Christ, can I actually do this?”He added, “I did an independent action movie called ‘SAS: Red Notice,’ which is based on a series of books by a writer who’s also the most decorated British Special Forces soldier, Andy McNab.”

“My character is going to Paris to propose to his fiancée, and the Eurostar gets taken over by mercenaries,” he shared. “The movie sits between Jason Bourne and James Bond.

“Then, I did a couple of days on a movie (‘An Unquiet Life’) about Roald Dahl and Patricia Neal, where I got to play Paul Newman.” The film depicts the tumultuous marriage between the actress, Patricia, and the writer, Roald.

The Paul Newman? “Yes, big shoes to fill,” he replied with a smile. “I felt the responsibility of that. But the more I found out about Paul, the more I was in awe of him. What an incredible man.

“I’m not sure I look like Paul, but I tried to bring a lot of his mannerisms into the scenes. It’s a very small part in a bigger movie. It’s at the moment when he is meeting Patricia Neal and they’re about to go off and film ‘Hud.’

“I watched a lot of his movies, but for me, ‘The Hustler,’ which is my favorite of Paul Newman’s movies, is when he really begins to hit his strength.”

As Sam pursues film projects, he knows that he has at least one more season of “Outlanders.” Starz has renewed the show for a sixth season. Still, Sam wonders. “I do sometimes think, what am I going to do when it is over? I think I will actually be quite upset and sad, and it will be a great loss.

“I probably will always have Jamie Fraser with me at some point, even when the show is over.”

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https://entertainment.inquirer.net/361221/sam-heughan-on-turning-40-new-outlander-season-playing-paul-newman-in-film#ixzz6BrxWUd8z

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Beneath an Aurora Sky (Ch. 9)

Summary: The South Pole Station is equipped for research and Edge has always made sure things run smoothly for the inhabitants. His charges are meant to follow his rules and regulations, and in turn, he makes sure they survive in the arctic temperatures. It takes plenty of hard work and determination and Edge, along with his crew, can handle both.

He wasn’t counting on one of the newest researchers. He wasn’t expecting Rus.

Tags: Spicyhoney, First Time, Arctic AU, Hurt/Comfort

Notes: So, bourbon came up with an amazing AU and did some lovely art for it: please look at it and love it.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Read Chapter 9 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Walking back to the station was quiet, their boots crunching on the hard-packed snow. The sudden flare of a lighter in the darkness made Edge wince and look away, but the smell that wafted to him wasn't the harshness of the cigars his brother occasionally smoked. Only a hint of tobacco and some bitter spice, cloves, perhaps? The traces of it on the cold wind wasn't entirely unpleasant.

"Don't leave the butts on the ground," Edge cautioned. The lights around the station formed a series of linked rings, illuminating them as they stepped into one. From here they were close enough to see the mellow lights from the narrow windows. Most were darkened, covered in heavy curtains. The kitchen alone was brightly lit, shadows of Bonnie moving as she prepared the evening meal.

His cigarette glowed brighter as Rus took a long draw on it, exhaling smoke and steamy breath with words. "you seen a single one?"

"I haven't. But you'll need to excuse my caution. It's too cold here for decomposition. Any trash left out stays until someone picks it up."

Rus’s smile was unoffended, eye lights mostly hidden behind his goggles. "i know, edgelord, don't worry. i'll leave the chilly side of paradise as pretty as i found it. had problems in the past?” Rus shook his head, frowning unhappily even as he took another drag. “you'd think scientists of all people would know better."

"It's been my experience that they do know better,” Edge said, sourly. “They simply don’t care.” He’d been aghast to learn that truth after their very first session. Implementing a fine into the contracts helped somewhat; few of their researchers could afford to be casual litterbugs on top of what they were already paying. It still occurred with disturbing frequency and there was always a day scheduled after a session ended to search the station grounds and the various research posts for any carelessly left garbage.

"what do you guys do with the trash here, anyway?” Rus crouched and his cigarette sizzled out as he touched it to the snow. He took a small tin out of his pocket that used to hold mints and dropped the butt into it, then hurriedly pulled the mitten-tip back over his glove. “send it off on vacation with the next ship?"

Edge hesitated. Station functions weren't precisely secrets and yet— "It feeds into the Core. The power generated is minimal, but it absorbs without a pollutant affect. Trash, human waste products, there's little that it can't transfer into energy."

The next question would be why there weren't Core facilities on every street corner, why they weren't working to mass produce, to sell, sell, sell, and Edge braced himself to endure it.

But Rus only nodded. "cool."

The main station door was looming ahead. Before Edge could open it, Rus caught his arm, stopping him. He set down his gear, not quite haphazardly, gingerly reaching out to push Edge’s goggles up, then his own. "hey, wait. lemme try something?"

Edge waited, warily curious.

He did not expect a gloved hand beneath his chin, tilting his skull up. Nor did he expect the gently eager mouth against his own, though perhaps he should have, tasting cloves and underlying sweetness. Their drawn-up hoods almost met along the edges, creating a pocket of warmth, a private world where he could sigh softly and meet that mouth with his own. It should concern him, perhaps, how quickly he was growing accustomed to this, but instead he only accepted it greedily, meeting Rus’s eagerness, the damp, delicate touch of his carefully exploring tongue.

There was only the hush around them, the artificial light an island in the darkness. A low moan caught in Rus’s throat, dissolving into a shaky breath shared between them.

“there." Rus drew back with a satisfied sigh. "needed a refill. now, what do you need my help with?”

His soul was pounding and for a moment, Edge was tempted to lead him to his quarters and ask for favors of another sort. But no, his brother was long overdue to see Alphys and the machine, and he knew today Undyne wasn’t going to be at dinner, performing maintenance at one of the outer research posts. Red would be less wary if it was only him, or if he believed it was. "Come with me and I'll show you."

“c’mon, just tell me!” Rus tried, but he was starting to look visibly cold, blinking too hard, and teeth barely chattering. That was enough for Edge to hustle him through the door. Explanations could wait until they were out of the elements.

They stripped out of their gear and Rus was nearly as quick as Edge, shoving his feet into untied shoes while Edge finished lacing his own. By the time their coats and boots were properly stowed, Rus was vibrating with impatience.

“You can leave your equipment here for the moment,” Edge unlocked one of the storage lockers and held it open, stowing the long telescope case. “Don’t get used to it, but it’s already close to dinner and I don’t want to miss our chance.”

“our chance for what?” Rus whined, hastily setting his bags into the locker. Normally, Edge would find that sort of tone grating, but somehow coupled with Rus’s obvious eagerness it was almost…adorable. If a seven-foot-tall skeleton could be adorable, something that Rus managed with surprising regularity.

Still, Edge waited until they were walking down the hallway, drawing out that impatience simply to enjoy it, before he finally said, low, “I need you to go into the dining hall and talk with Red.”

“that’s it?” Rus asked, his expression a comical mix of skepticism and disappointment. “you want me to get chatty with the sawtooth goblin, while you--?”

Edge forcibly did not smile at that description of his brother, but it was a close thing. They stopped outside of the door and he could hear the chatter from within, smell the hearty food that Bonnie was already dishing up. “There’s no way for me to go into the dining hall without him seeing me. Only two entrances, this one and the one from the kitchen and Red sits so that he can easily see both.”

Edge knew it was foolish to assume that just because Red didn’t appear to be looking, it somehow meant he wasn’t watching with that disturbing perception of his.

“guess you can't,” Rus said slowly, metaphorical wheels turning in his skull.

“So, what I need from you is a distraction. We’ll go in together, but I’m going to go speak with the two geologists about the equipment request they made yesterday. You go talk to Red. Tell him that one of the sno-cats was acting strangely, making odd sounds, something to that effect. If you can keep his attention, I may be able to get close to him without him noticing.”

“uh huh.” Rus crossed his arms and rocked on his heels. The thermal shirt he was wearing was one that Edge had given him, and Edge forced himself to look away before it became a distraction. “i get the plan, but you wanna tell me why we’re playing tag with red?”

Discussing his brother’s health issues with an outsider was out of the question, and yet, it was reasonable to ask. “Because he needs to pay a visit to Alphys and he’s proven reluctant to do so. Can you trust me on that?”

There wasn’t so much as a pause, no hesitation as Rus said, “yeah. i trust you.”

Simple words but they sent a tingle of odd warmth through him.

Carefully, Edge peered through the narrow window to pinpoint their targets without being seen. “All right, everyone is in place. Are you ready?”

“yeah, jason bourne, let’s do this.”

All heads rose when Edge pushed open the door and walked in, except his brother, whose stocking cap was pulled low on his skull where it was pillowed on his folded arms. Sunglasses were concealing his sockets, but they were likely tracking him as Edge walked over to the geologists, who were chatting softly while sharing a notebook between them.

The Humans’ eyes went wide as he walked up to them, their faces falling into lines of concern. Good. “Excuse me,” Edge said crisply, “I have a question about your equipment request for tomorrow.”

“Is there a problem?” the younger one asked anxiously, biting her lip and probably worrying about the hours they’d waste tomorrow trying to do without.

“Not at all,” he reassured them hastily. No need to panic them for his own selfish purposes. “I only wanted to confirm something.” They relaxed visibly, but out the corner of his socket, he watched Rus straddling the bench across from Red, knocking on the table with his knuckles. His brother didn’t raise his head so much as turn it slightly in Rus’s direction.

It didn’t stop Rus from launching into what was surely a convoluted explanation. They were too far away for him to hear, but he could see the moment Red caught interest in what Rus was saying. Rus was talking animatedly with his hands, those slim fingers flashing, and it was half simple gestures, half a jumble of signed words.

Such clever hands, how would they feel ghosting over bone, how would they look clenched into bedsheets while their owner moaned and—

“Boss?”

Edge blinked and looked back down at the perplexed scientists. “Never mind, everything should be fine. If you’ll excuse me?”

“But—”

He ignored the confused protest, walking around the table to skirt the wall as closely as he could get. As he approached, the conversation became clearer.

"…nah, not a rucka-ka-ka sound, it's more like a kachuga, kachuga, you know?"

"kachuga, got it.” Red steepled his fingers, pressing them to his teeth absently as he considered. “comin’ from underneath, you think, or the engine? ‘cause a tread coming loose is noisy as fuck but it's more of a, thunkita thunkita sound."

"yeah, no, it was seriously a kachuga.”

Ridiculous as their conversation was, it nearly worked. Edge was almost within reach when he saw Red’s eye lights flicker towards him through the side of the dark lenses, his sockets widening.

Fuck.

Edge lunged but Red was on his feet in a blur, already moving out of reach – and then squawking with outrage as he fell to the floor with a crash. It was enough of a delay for Edge to catch hold of his wrist, holding tightly, but Red made no attempt to squirm free. Instead, he rolled over, looking down in disbelief at his feet where his shoelaces were tied to the bench.

The collection of scientists standing on the other side of the table took in the scene with varying expression of mute awe, and Edge was close to the same. When had Rus possibly had a chance to…?

Only Rus was still sitting, helping himself to the breadbasket. He said unrepentantly around a mouthful of biscuit. “sorry, pal. the boss said he needed you.”

Slowly, Red reached out with his free hand to pick up his sunglasses. One lens was cracked from him breaking his fall with his face, and the frame was bent. Edge tightened his grip on his brother’s wrist but the sharp anger and outrage in his expression melted quickly into grudging admiration, “not bad, fashion victim.”

“i have my moments.”

“yeah,” Red licked his teeth obscenely and Edge would have given him a smack if he were able to let go of him, “and i bet my bro is enjoying a front row seat to ‘em.”

That made Rus pause mid-chew. “wait, you guys are brothers?”

“yeah, don’t ya see the resemblance?”

“weird,” Rus said almost under his breath, but he shook his head. “well, if edge had shared out some of the height when they were passing it out, i might’ve guessed. You both have the rugged look going, but last i knew, cracks weren’t hereditary.”

“they ain’t,” Red’s grin bordered on vicious, “how about i give you one to match—”

And that was quite enough of that; even if Red was annoyed about his sunglasses, he had several pairs.

“If we’re finished with the impromptu stand-up comedy?” Edge said, low. He reached down with one hand and plucked Red’s laces free, never letting go of him. “You need to go in for your treatment and you’re going now. You can walk and maintain what few shreds of dignity you have, or I can drag you through the station. I’ll leave the choice up to you.”

Red considered that, glancing where all the scientists were watching with great interest. Then he sagged back to the floor as if attempting to become one with the tiles. "you want me there, you can carry me." He paused, then drawled out deliberately, “boss.”

Of course his brother would choose the least dignified route. If he thought a few stares were going to stop Edge, then he was woefully mistaken. "I'll remind you that this was your choice.”

Edge crouched, scooping Red’s deadweight up with a grunt and let him flop loosely over his shoulder as Edge carried him from the room. The conversation swelled as the door swung shut, not that Edge cared. They could speculate all they wanted, none of them could possibly guess the truth.

Footsteps behind him made him pause and Edge looked sharply back to see Rus at their heels.

His grin was equal parts hopeful and pleading. “well, i’m invested now. how can i go on if i don’t see how the movie ends?”

He couldn’t see his brother’s face, but Red came to life from where he was hanging like a bag of dirty laundry, twisting so that one elbow dug painfully into Edge’s spine, and Edge could easily picture his scowl, “aw, no, no way, this ain’t no party and you can shove your investment up your—”

Edge turned around abruptly to face Rus, leaving Red swearing at the wall. Those pale eye lights begged silently, Rus bouncing lightly on his toes.

“All right,” Edge said at last and Rus’s little squeal was overshadowed by the sharp increase in volume from Red. He gave his brother a slap on the pelvis in retribution for a particularly vulgar turn of phrase. “Again, I’d like to remind you that I offered to let you walk.”

“fuck both of ya,” Red grumbled, but he subsided, hanging sullenly as Rus hastily moved to walk next to Edge instead of behind him. Probably a wise choice; with the way Red was swearing, he might catch fire.

“nah, i’ve only got so many fucks to give,” Rus said cheerily, “they don’t grow on trees, you know, can’t be sharing them with everybody.”

“bet you could find a few extras growing in my bro’s pa—ouch, damn it, boss! quit it before you add a broke pelvis to my list!”

“Both of you, be quiet,” Edge said tersely. Red muttered something beneath his breath and Rus mimed pulling a zipper across his teeth. But his grin was a sly one, his eye lights dipping to the front of Edge’s trousers as if in search of one of the extras his brother spoke about.

This was going to end up being a terrible mistake, Edge decided, but he’d made his bed, hadn’t he. His own eye lights strayed as Rus wandered a couple paces ahead of him. His pelvis was concealed beneath layers of clothes, but Edge could make out the outline as his hips swayed slightly with each step. When that had become such a temptation, he didn’t know, but it was and his hands itched to touch, to learn those gentle curves.

Not exactly thoughts he was comfortable having while carrying his brother. He strode on determinedly, putting Rus next to him again and shielding himself from that view. For now, anyway.

He’d made his bed, yes, but perhaps when he was finally forced to lie in it, he wouldn’t be alone.

-tbc-

[prowl-mun]

my idea for a Carmelita spin-off Game.

i was thinking it could take place during Sly 2 and before Sly 3 and this is how the tutorial level should go.

it starts off with Carmelita locked at the Contessa’s prison then thanks to some plot convenience she somehow gets her shock pistol back and she makes an escape attempt where she fights off guards and inmates  and as for a boss fight she faces off with ether a large inmate or one of the Contessa’s water tower robots. after beating it she is immediately knocked out by the Contessa.

the second level is about Carmelita trying to escape Interpol and the boss is her brother who is also an interpol officer.

thats basically what i got. so yeah its like Jason Bourne meets the fugitive. 

[skyhooks-notebook]

My John Wick/Jason Bourne movie which will never be made

(Bourne, of course, is a brutally disillusioned idealist. He had no idea he was signing away his soul. Wick likely sold his soul with his eyes wide open, though he probably only understood the ultimate cost later on - a naive pragmatist.)

I don’t post much at all, but here is a thing that happened on my computer. I was thinking about how John Wick and Jason Bourne could be brought together. My thoughts became long, and I started writing it down. This isn’t a story, just a sketch of how I think such a movie could be made. It’s not really edited either, this is all off-the-cuff.

[I only know what’s in the movies. I don’t know other canon from either ‘verse.]

So, if I were making a movie…

The universes of John Wick and Jason Bourne have very different styles, creating a problem.

Problem: - Bourne lives in a Universe where government is large, powerful, knowledgeable and nearly competent. - Wick lives in a Universe where a vast and elaborate criminal underworld exists, where we’ve never seen those major criminal figures worry about law enforcement or government.

The discrepancy must be resolved.

Simple.

Jason Bourne has never dealt with crime. Everything has been political and confined to the intelligence community.

Wick has never dealt with politics or the intelligence community.

So.

We must assume that the intelligence community is perfectly happy to leave common crime in the hands of law enforcement.

- Law enforcement has an unwritten and fatalistic attitude that there will always be some level of crime no matter what you do because it’s innate to human nature. And if you’re going to have crime, it might as well be organized. Let the strongest and most dangerous criminals accumulate power and influence, because they will go a long way to controlling the stupid, the excessive and the disruptive crooks. Better to have one major weapons trafficker controlling the traffic than have a thousand slightly smaller and more disruptive dealers completely out of control. (You can strongly hint that there’s an uneasy, unwritten and largely unspoken agreement between crime and law enforcement, and that it’s often a two-way street.) And if the big crime gets too big, it’s easier to knock it back down to “acceptable” levels because you’ve got bigger targets, which are easier to hit and which make a large and impressive splash across the front page when you throw RICO charges at them.

Plus it would also illustrate that Wickian Law Enforcement at its highest levels is just as dirty, amoral and underhanded as the Bournite Intelligence community.

- So, with a little work and willing suspension of disbelief (which wouldn’t be hard, because who wouldn’t want to see Wick and Bourne on the same screen provided it’s done with at least half an ass), it’s possible to bring the two Universes together.

- We start with Bourne. Someone else, like an hard ass, experienced reporter, is snooping into the government’s history of creating conditioned assassins. Maybe because a public face, like a former intelligence director, has left the shade to become a politician. And many strongly suspect that he’s dirty as fuck, but our snoopy reporter is just figuring out how deep the rabbit hole goes. Our politician was, of course, instrumental in developing programs like Treadstone, Blackbriar, et al.

- The Snoop finds out, one way or another, that one of the earliest failures of these programs was an “asset” who experienced a psychological break, went “off the res”, starting killing people and still turns up now and then to kill more people. To our Snoop, it appears that the government has created an uncontrollable monster who is still on the loose and possibly lurking right outside the White House, dear reader, are you scared now?

- The story, scanty, incorrect and harshly spun, gets printed as above. A few names are named, but mostly dead people (and maybe someone who has already been publicly discredited.) Our politician is not named because our Snoop doesn’t yet have absolute proof linking Mr. Politician to the Treadstone/Blackbriar/etc. machine.

- The evidence still exists. Witnesses still live, in numbers too great to be cleanly eliminated.

- Mr. Politician is sweating bullets.

- The Snoop isn’t done. He wants to find Bourne so he can say, “Here’s your monster, where’s my Pulitzer?” As investigation continues, the story becomes clearer to the Snoop, and the monster starts to look like little less monstrous and little more victimized. Which is an even better story.

- Now Mr. Politician is not only worried that he will be named, he’s worried that if Snoop makes contact with Bourne, or simply as a consequence of Snoop stirring the shit, Bourne will find out who our Politician is and how complicit he was in the program that destroyed David Webb. Mr. Pol knows this is likely to be a death sentence.

- It has become obvious to everyone who isn’t deeply deluded that Jason Bourne is practically indestructible and that sending more valuable and increasingly scarce ‘assets’ against him is just going to result in the loss of those assets. Agents available may be trained and conditioned to within an inch of their lives, but Bourne’s psychological break caused him to exceed his limits, training and conditioning in a way Black Ops programs haven’t been able to replicate. Those with a pragmatic attitude believe that they have no agent who can measure up to Bourne. Politician believes this as well.

- But Mr. Politician knows some things that the intelligence community has never concerned itself with. In his many years of government service, Mr. Pol was also involved with Law Enforcement at various times. Maybe he did a stint with the effa-bee-eye. Whatever. He knows about the Criminal Underworld, he knows that to maintain the ugly equilibrium, the Underworld may be influenced to comply with certain requests. And he knows a name. John Wick.

- Mr. Politician is also savvy about recent developments in the Underworld. He’s got a friend who’s still in the business of monitoring organized crime and keeping tabs on what’s going on down there. Mr. Pol has listened to recent stories with fascination because of certain similarities to a well known government failure who has haunted his dreams for decades. It has become a fact in Mr. Pol’s mind that the CIA will never be able to take down Bourne, but maybe there’s another way.

- Mr. Politician approaches a major Crime Lord and tells him point blank to activate John Wick by any means necessary and set him on the trail of one Jason Bourne. If Wick can’t be activated, Crime Lord will receive his own personal set of extensive criminal and RICO charges, delivered to his doorstep by the entire FBI

- Crime Lord knows if he gets charged, he probably won’t survive because other crime lords are going to want to make sure he doesn’t talk - about them. Also, his family will be endangered no matter which way the sword swings; either the FBI will be targeting them or his fellow criminals will be.

- Crime Lord knows John Wick. They’re old friends. Crime Lord feels a bit conflicted about it, but his first loyalties are to his family and his own hide. So he swallows his fondness for John Wick and commits falsehood, deception, a calling in of favors, maybe a little blackmail and the old Rock-And-A-Hard-Fuck-You-Up-Place on Wick. An elaborate, manipulative lie, that sets a misinformed John Wick on the trail of a man potentially as dangerous as himself.

- Now, we’ve got Jason Bourne being hunted by the Snoop, which has him on alert. We have John Wick hunting Bourne because he believes, once again, that he has no choice.

- We also have a Jason Bourne who is somewhat confounded. We need the scene where Bourne finds out, before contact ever takes place, that someone has taken out a contract on him with an Underworld assassin. Bourne doesn’t know much more about the Criminal Underworld than Joe Schmoe from Kokomo, just what he’s seen in the news and largely ignored, because it never had anything to do with him. Even in all that training years and years ago, there was this gap, because organized crime wasn’t the CIA’s beat. Maybe at first, Bourne even assumes that this Wick character isn’t a threat because he’s just a murderer, a thug, and not a highly trained government operative like himself.

- So in a riveting scene where Bourne and Wick first come into contact, we see Bourne - under the influence of his ignorant assumption - nearly getting killed by Wick and making an extremely narrow escape by use of desperate measures. We also have Mr. Wick limping away, suitably impressed with the skills of his opponent.

- Now we have that stretch of the story where Wick is on the hunt, Bourne is on the run and Bourne is trying to uncover any information he can find about this assassin. Wick doesn’t research much, though, because that’s not how he works. Bourne is a machine; the gears must grind. Wick is a force of nature, like a tornado; most of the info he gets he just picks up along the way, either paying for it or having it given to him by friends.

- Bourne discovers that Wick had a military past, Special Forces, maybe he was fucked over by the military/government in his own way. Or Bourne sees it that way. Bourne finds out about Helen and her death, and maybe not the whole story, but quite a bit about how John cut through a small army of Russian mob mooks for vengeance. He identifies with Wick’s grief and anger. He sees something of himself in John Wick. He sympathizes with the devil.

- John hasn’t done the heavy research. He understands that Bourne is dangerous, perhaps more dangerous than anyone he’s ever met. He consolidates his resources and finds someone else to do his research. He is awaiting a report on Jason Bourne when…

- Bourne stops running, goes to confront Wick and ends up trying to explain, while fighting of course, what he knows about the Dirty Politician and the Crime Lord who has called John out of his troubled retirement yet again, and how Wick has been used and betrayed (this time) until he says something that causes Wick to call truce long enough to hear it all.

- Bourne can see the beginning of a way to solve the whole mess. After some persuasion, Wick is on board and has some ideas of his own.

- Now we’ve got our boys on the same side and it’s only left to decide whether the war will be conventional or nuclear.

- There are two victories we need to see. We must see the destruction of Mr. Politician and Mr. Crime Lord.

- You might-could send Bourne, who doesn’t really give a shit about the covenants and conventions of the criminal world, to the Continental - probably breaking in, instead of checking in. Luring the Crime Lord out into the open, perhaps on the intimation that Mr. Politician is about to take up backstabbing. Draw the Crime Lord out to confront the Politician. Bourne’s plan, reluctantly agreed to by Wick, is to draw the Politician and the Crime Lord together, get evidence and even a full recording of the meeting and expose them both to the world.

Or course, this backfires. Bourne finds himself in a position where he has to kill either Crime Lord or Mr. Politician in self-defense. Probably the Crime Lord.

- It would also be immensely satisfying to see Wick take out the dirty politician with a head shot. Bourne would, of course, be stoically pissed about it all, but it also illustrates the difference. Bourne is willing to let even unrepentant bastards live because he’s tired of having blood on his hands. Wick doesn’t let anybody live who’s fucked him over. Bourne is still conflicted about who and what he is. Wick has come to terms with himself. Bourne believes in atonement. Wick believes in damnation. Bourne still cares. Wick doesn’t give a fuck. Bourne still dreams of inner peace. Wick would settle for a little peace and quiet, would you motherfuckers just leave me the fuck alone already. Get off my lawn. And stop teasing my dog, you bastards.

(Bourne, of course, is a brutally disillusioned idealist. He had no idea he was signing away his soul. Wick likely sold his soul with his eyes wide open, though he probably only understood the ultimate cost later on - a naive pragmatist.)

- You must also show Wick taking an active role in planning, because if Bourne does all of it and says here’s what we’re going to do, then 1) he’s just using Wick as a tool or weapon, instead of treating him like a person and an equal and 2) Wick once again is being controlled by someone else instead of doing what he does best, which is take matters into his own hands (shooting Santino may have looked like a misstep, but who in the audience didn’t love it?)

- I’ve forgotten our Snoop reporter.

We could let Bourne track him down, in which case he will almost certainly die, because going by canon everybody who sympathizes with Jason Bourne must die.

We could let Wick find him, in which case he probably has a much better chance of surviving to publish his Pulitzer Prize winning story provided he’s not armed when he meets Mr. Wick. Hell, Wick could give him a coin, which could buy him entrance and protection at the Continental (even the government doesn’t want to mess with that bunch - like stirring a hornet’s nest with a stick; you might survive, but it will be excruciatingly painful and you’ll look like an idiot the whole time with all the screaming and flailing and jumping around in a panic.)

John Wick’s name will not appear in the story. Only a vaguely defined “other sources”.

- And after all is said and done, Bourne and Wick part company, with mutual respect and recognition. Though they really don’t like each other very much.

So that’s my John Wick/Jason Bourne movie which will never be made. But I had fun.

P.S. Please excuse crappy photoshop, I just wanted something there.