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#It's really come to a head in the last month-ish
sakurarisen · 2 months
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So just as a heads up, I'm being forced back on to semi-hiatus once again, this time permanently. My health has taken an awkward turn yet again, and the last couple of weeks have been appointment, test, and illness after appointment, test, and illness, and personally, I'm tired - Enough so I've just been working on a project pertaining to Halcyon Era in the background with @yoroiis more than anything else just to keep my sanity. Added onto that is the fact there's a storm coming over the weekend and that's spiked my storm anxiety something fierce.... It's not been easy.
On top of that, my future online in general is currently up in the air; we're looking at dropping our current provider and we have one other choice given where we live, and the chance of losing just about everything I have going online, from comfort games (Genshin, Star Rail, Beat Saber...) to my ability to be here, because of this second choice is incredibly high. I don't know when we'll be switching providers, but the choice has been made, and I have no say in the matter whatsoever, so... Better to just hit the semi-hiatus now and make it permanent.
My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof and there's literally nothing I can do about them. I'm still doing behind the scenes work and replies when I can get to them, especially since I'm still technically here and just lingering in the background, but there's a lot on my plate and everything I have for myself personally is up in the air, in ways that are entirely out of my hands, and I'm not doing well with any of it. I'm hoping things turn out well, but I can't say anything on it at the moment other than I hate it.
I might reblog a meme here or there, both here and on @thundertide and @heartchip, but for the most part, my inbox and IMs are open while I tend to things in the background. I'm still here - Just quieter than normal while I try to deal with a lot, so catch me on the sidelines for a while while I work on Halcyon stuff and updating blogs. <3
~Pom
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flowersforbucky · 1 month
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logan howlett x reader
smut, oral, sixty-nining, throat fucking, pet names (sweetheart), language, kind of overstimulation, reader is afab, 18+ only mdni, slightly possessive logan (he really likes seeing you wear his dog tags ok?)
word count: 900 ish
omg i'm sorry if this is your second time seeing this. i posted this a couple days ago and accidentally deleted ☹️
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"We really shouldn't be doing this," you moan in a breathy, fucked-out voice.
"We're already doing this, sweetheart," Logan's low chuckle vibrates over your core. You had lost track of time with him nestled between your thighs - drawing more consecutive orgasms from you with his mouth than you thought you were physically capable of having.
"This is a really bad idea, Logan. Our friends are-"
You're cut off by him plunging his index finger inside you. Your back arches off the bed and your fingers instinctively lace through tufts of his hair.
"Our friends are what? Going to hear us?" He pulls his face away from you but adds a second finger, stretching you out with scissoring motions. "Better keep those pretty noises you've been making down, then.”
It's not that you weren't dying to fuck him. It's actually all you have been able to think about for months now. You have imagined what he would taste like, what it would feel like to have his mouth on yours and his hands gripping your thighs. You've pictured the face he’d make when he sheaths himself inside you and the noises that would come from him.
What you didn't imagine was the reaction he'd have to seeing you hang his dog tags around your neck.
You'd found them earlier that day, laying on the countertop of one of the communal bathrooms on the main floor of the X-Mansion. You knew that he wasn't home at the time, so you put them around your neck and tucked them into your t-shirt until you had an opportunity to give them back to him.
“Anyone seen my dog tags?” He bellows as he struts into the kitchen. “Could have sworn that I left them–”
He pauses when he sees you smirking at him from where you stand at the kitchen island, slicing up an apple.
“Oh, do you mean these?” You set down the knife and tug the chain out of the collar of your shirt. The tags settle between your tits.
It just so happens that you weren't wearing a bra. “I found them in the bathroom earlier,” you explain, dropping your gaze back down to the snack you're preparing. “Thought I'd keep them safe for you.”
Fast forward to half an hour later, you're fucking his face and unable to form a coherent thought with how perfectly his tongue feels against your pussy.
“Want you to sit on my face.” He pulls his fingers out of you, leaving you feeling painfully empty at the sudden lack of touch.
Logan crawls out from between your legs, laying down beside you on the mattress. He's still in his boxers, the tip of his cock jutting out of the waistband and glistening with pre-cum.
You position yourself over his body, your knees supporting you as you hover above his face. You’re facing away from the headboard, your position giving you a clear view of the defined planes of his chest and the erection straining against his underwear.
He locks his hands onto your hips, yanking you down the last few inches to his mouth. His lips suction around your clit before he pulls away with an obscene, wet pop and begins to swirl his tongue around your hole. You lean forward, your bare chest rubbing against his as you pull down the fabric of his boxers and free his cock.
Fuck, you really don't know how that is supposed to fit in any part of you.
You start by licking a strip from the base to the tip, trailing your tongue along a thick vein. He groans from beneath you, the new sensation driving him to increase the speed at which he's fucking his tongue inside you. You swirl your own tongue around the head of his cock, collecting the milky liquid dripping out before taking him in your mouth. You've only managed to fit about half of his length when he thrusts his hips upwards, hitting the back of your throat and making you gag.
He brings his hands up to your ass, digging his nails into the flesh just hard to leave crescent-shaped indentations.
You begin to bob your head up and down, using one of your hands to pump the base of his shaft and the other to massage his balls.
He continues to thrust into your mouth, leaving you lightheaded with tears streaming down your cheeks from lack of oxygen.
There's a warmth pooling in your lower belly - a dam on the verge of bursting. You grind down on his face, chasing your release.
The movements from his hips become erratic - you know he's close. You're preparing for him to spill into your mouth when he suddenly lifts you off of him, flipping you so that you're now underneath him on his bed.
He sits back on his knees, stroking himself in his hand as he looks down at you.
“You’re beautiful like this, you know that?” He murmurs, bringing the pad of his thumb to your cheek and wiping away a fat teardrop. His eyes trail downwards, landing on the dog tags that lay between your tits. He grips each of your ankles in his hands, hiking your legs against his chest and over his shoulders. He nuzzles your calf with the scruff of his beard as he plants kisses on your skin.
“I want to see you with my name around your neck when I come inside you.”
----
thanks for reading! reblogs and comments are always very appreciated 🖤
my masterlist!!
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catscidr · 4 months
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// taking care of your dogboy (hsr edition!) //
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i. note — sry i havent been posting yall i got a job + ive been working on three cosplays at the same time bc my local con is coming up lmao (´ཀ`」 ∠) however the brainrot never stops. it only takes a break. a little break of approximatively. a month. ish. ......... anyways dog hybrid hsr boys brainrot !!! lmk if we want more of this with more boys •ᴗ• comments and asks are appreciated hehe ii. includes — blade, gepard, boothill and gn!reader iii. cw — slice of life stuff turning into smut, possessive behaviour, overstim, slight dom/sub dynamics, real messy stuff, manhandling. use of the word "hole" to keep reader gender neutral iv. wc — 1,9k
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blade is a mutt riddled in scars and dirty bandages from living on the streets and fighting to survive.
you think he might be some german shepherd mix, but he refuses to let you swab his teeth n gums for a dna test (last time you tried you narrowly avoided a punch to the face. he apologized in his own way afterwards), so whenever people ask, just say he’s a rescue to avoid revealing that you actually just… don’t really know what breed he is. they usually drop the subject and simply go on their merry way, seeing as he wasn’t the type of pup to appreciate affection from strangers anyways– it’s rare for you to leave the house in the first place, though.
you had to switch to a remote job because blade is just so persistent when it comes to you. although possessive is a much better descriptor, because he doesn’t let anyone near you. whenever you leave to get groceries he ends up practically breathing down your neck from how close he gets— acting as if he were your literal shadow— glaring at everyone that gets too close to you. you’ve made it a habit to always go to self-checkout lane so blade doesn’t scare off the cashiers.
the second you get home he’s all over you, determined to rid you of that outside stench and replace it with his own. you started packing your grocery bags in a way that nothing will break if (read: when) you suddenly drop them on the floor, all because you’re so familiar with blade’s impatience.
he holds you still by engulfing your body with his, knees caging your hips as he grinds into you, shallow and deep. blade’s growls and huffs fill your ears just as much as his cock fills your hole, his knot kissing your tightness from the outside.
“do you like this? like how i have to fuck you every time you decide to go outside again when you could stay here,” with me blade omits, his tail swishing back and forth on the bedsheets behind him, the sound just barely grounding you to reality.
your grocery bags were long forgotten on the foor (as they usually are), your mind too foggy to function. clawing at the sheets, you try to crawl away from blade’s grip— to no avail.
he tuts, craning his head to bite down onto the skin where your shoulder meets your neck. “i might just need to mark you for extra precaution,” he bucks into you, knocking the air out of your lungs. you hear squelching, the constant plap! plap! plap! from his thighs smacking against your ass and whine, broken babbles leaving your kiss-bruised lips.
“b-blade, y’can’t- ah,” he shushes you by plugging you full of his lengthy cock, his knot almost threatening to press inside of you. you whimper, feeling lightheaded from a mix of both nervousness and arousal.
he soothes the hickey he left on your neck, licking it languidly as he stills to bask into the way your hole throbs around him. warm and tight and oh so tempting.
“shit, wanna fill you. wanna… have everyone know they can’t have you. you’re mine, mine to love ‘n mine to fuck,” you’re not lucid enough to process his thinly veiled confession, too busy writhing your ass back against him in a feeble attempt to get him to continue moving.
you might want to invest into some good concealer or into those skin coloured tattoo patches to cover the bruises and bite marks blade’ll leave on you if you want to continue being a functioning member of society. you can’t really be walking around in public as if a dog had just mauled you right before you left the house, can you?
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gepard is a golden retriever because of COURSE he is. similarly to blade, he likes to invade your personal space a lot— not because he’s possessive, but because he’s extremely protective of you.
the random bruises you used to randomly notice on your body faded as soon as he came into your life. gepard’s soft, lingering touches healed them; gently placing a hand on your hip before you bump into sharp furniture so it doesn’t hit you, redirecting your head to his shoulder as you nod-off in the train before you bang your head, and so on.
it’s a full-time job and he’s working 24/7, always on the lookout for anything that could possibly hurt you as you saunter off… wherever, without a care in the world— because he took care of everything!
he would clean the apartment for you, cook (though you usually insist you do the cooking; a human doesn’t have the same taste in food as a hybrid), and even act as your own personal alarm clock. gone were the days of being woken up by loud, blaring beeping. gepard woke you up with forehead kisses instead, making your mornings much more pleasant.
but poor geppie, he’s always taking care of you; so take care of him, won’t you?
every so often you’ll sit in his lap to help him get rid of whatever stress he held in his body. your hands will knead at the muscles in his broad shoulders, all while you simultaneously kiss away the strain in his face. his brows are furrowed as you do your best to soothe his muscles; you never forget to smooch his cheek, nose and the corner of his lips.
though the attention and gentle acts of affection always ends with your hands lower than they should be.
“ah ah, no touching, remember?” you murmur in his ear playfully. you had been at it for what felt like hours; gepard’s cock and abdomen was smeared with the remnants of his cum, skin tacky from his previous loads. your hand shows no sign of stopping, not even when he begged oh so sweetly.
“c-come onn. just… jus’ wanna kiss…” and who were you to deny your sweet boy? your lips find his in a heartbeat, his tongue swiping over your own sloppily as he breathes you in like a depraved man.
the only condition you had when you did this was for him to keep his hands to himself— at least until you both decide to move on to something else. until then, his fists clench the sheets beneath the both of you, and his ears stay flat on his fluffy head.
“i’m… i’m close again, g- aah, please, please…!” he begs, cock weeping precum as you continuously jerk him off. you smile, absentmindedly rocking your hips to the rhythm you held him prisoner to— gepard was too engulfed in the warmth of your hand to notice, anyways. “cum whenever you want sweet boy,” you purr, and he keens as he buries his face in your neck, his hips lifting off the bed ever so slightly as they meet your hand and he thrusts, riding the high of his orgasm.
sticky cum coats your hand for the nth time; you relent your grip on his cock for his sake, instead choosing to shower him with chaste kisses all over his face. gepard whines, taking ahold of your waist weakly as he breathes into the crook of your neck.
“geppie, your han-“ he cuts you off, swiftly switching positions so you’re now laying on your back as he hovers over you, chest rising and falling quickly, catching his breath from the intensity of his orgasm. gepard’s tail wags slowly behind him as his hands creep up from your waist to your chest just as slowly- you feel his cock harden against your pelvis, precum spilling from his pinky tip.
“‘ts my turn now,” he huffs, leaning down to nip at your neck.
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boothill is the most obnoxious dalmatian hybrid you’ve ever seen (not that you’ve seen many, or at all). but he’s made your life so fun so you can’t be too mad at him
he’s always dragging you out of bed to go do something— could be going to the park nearby or sit in the living room playing video games on your dusty console, it doesn’t matter because he’ll MAKE you step out of your cozy nest!!
you’re glad he’s friendly, because you’re not sure how you would handle such an excited hybrid when you left the house. people come up to the both of you to chat and he indulges their questions, essentially leading the conversation (while you stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to say).
boothill is also great with kids, unexpectedly. 9 times out of 10 when you go to the park he ends up playing with someone’s child, bright smile on his face as he messes up their hair with a rough hand. they’ll throw a frisbee for him to go catch and he’ll do it happily, or he’ll even… teach them how to beat people up.
(you stare mortified as he teaches a little girl how to throw a proper punch only for her to then punch her parent when she leaves boothill’s side. you go up to them and apologize profusely, forcing boothill to bow with you.)
he also loves to help you out, even though he’s not the greatest at household chores— but he definitely tries! though he is a stellar cook, which never fails to surprise you whenever he’s on dinner duty. he just… really sucks at everything else.
it’s… mostly because he just has so much energy. he sweeps the floor? nope, he’s picking off the pieces of the broom off of the floor because he accidentally broke it. he’s fixing your bed? nuh uh, you’re throwing out the ruined bedsheets because he accidentally tore them to shreds somehow.
so, with all of these accidents happening because he’s just brimming with energy 24/7, you started purposely exhausting him. or, rather, gave him the green light to exhaust you until he tires himself out.
“booth-aah, w-wait, you’re being too…!” you fall over on top of his hard chest, keening at the new angle his cock reached inside of you. he repeated his assault on the spot that made you see stars as your jaw gaped, broken moans leaving your lips.
“don’t tell me y’re tapping out.. haa, already!” boothill grunts, his grip on your hips tightening. he throws his head back with a loud moan, abs tensing as he nears yet another climax— the 5th one of the night. maybe, maybe not. you lost count after the third one.
you bury your face into the crook of his neck, focusing on the feeling of his cock plugging you full instead of the soreness, the burn in your muscles that came from your knees holding you up on his lap.
watching you riding him will always be his favourite thing in the world, even if he always ends up fucking up into you and taking back control at the end of the night.
“gonna cu-uum…” you whine, clenching around his length almost painfully tightly, hearing his breathing hitch as an orgasm is ripped out of him in consequence to yours. boothill’s fingers dig into your ass, his hips lifting off the bed as he cums deep inside of your sloppy hole again, sticky fluid building up beneath the sheets.
you collapse on top of him fully, chest heaving against his own as you come back to your senses, slowly but surely. boothill’s ears perk up, hearing how your breathing had evening out.
“so… got another round in ya?”
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matsunoluvr · 2 months
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୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ how clingy sylus copes with your absence
warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking
characters: sylus
link to master list here!!!
authors notes: so basically we all love clingy!sylus and i don’t think people talk about it enough, so i here i try to do him some justice </3
i tried not to mischaracterise him, but i find it difficult to imagine how he’d react. he’s a full fledged adult - 27/28 years old - so i can see him trying to be mature about it. but after a while, it gets hard to wait any longer no?
more below the cut!! :3
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first few days of your absence sylus is fine, i mean it’s one day - people get busy, people get tired. sylus understands better than most that life gets tough.
he checks his messages maybe two or three times to see if you’ve responded, but nothing. that’s okay, he’ll wait for you.
after five-ish days he’s a little irritated, how could you forget about him for that long?
yeah you could be busy, but seriously?
he gives you a call but it sends straight to voicemail, to which he refuses to leave one.
i bet he secretly feels a little embarrassed at how much your absence is bothering him, and out of spite he refuses to check his phone during the day.
“Tsk, ignoring me?”
luke and kieran definitely notice his small shift in attitude - his nonchalant facade isn’t perfect after all.
they are also secretly cursing you for disappearing, i mean come on! how could you leave them with an angry boss!!
another few days pass, how long has it been since he last saw you? a week?
gets fidgety and cracks, calling you again - no reply.
when he gets sent to voicemail he speaks in his typical, slow tone.
“Why aren’t you picking up my calls, kitten? Get back to me when you listen to this.”
despite his seemingly calm voice, he’s starting to really lose his cool. your absence was unsettling, and yeah he’s disappeared before for a few days on business, he at least picks up calls.
he never leaves you clueless for even a few days, let alone a whole week.
mephisto is sent out for surveillance of the n109 zone, and sylus keeps his phone close. always in his vision, hearing range, whatever.
every notification catches his attention, eyes snapping to the illuminated screen only to slowly drag away when he sees it isn’t you.
from the first to second week of your absence, his irritability shoots up. sylus is getting agitated, brushing it off as annoyance.
after all, what the fuck did he do for you to ignore him for this long?
he texts you almost every day now, the texts getting increasingly shorter, decreasingly floral and more concerned.
“Kitten, why aren’t you picking up my calls?”
“[YN], are you really ignoring me?”
“Hello? Are you okay?”
“Call me.”
he’s calling you every other day now, his sleeping schedule is deteriorating and his mind isn’t focused.
sylus is getting angry at himself, why is he so messed up about this? so what if you haven’t spoken to him in 13 days, isn’t it pathetic to be so affected by your absence?
he lived 27+ years without you, he can live another hundred without.
yet he still finds himself rearranging the plushies you two caught together, checking for your messages, scrolling through your posts.
almost a month has passed since your disappearance, and sylus isn’t getting any better.
why did you go? are you okay? did you get hurt?
god forbid something happened to you.
he’s hired some people to search for you, fuck waiting he’s worried.
finds himself drinking more alcohol with his meals than usual, to the point where even he - a heavy weight - feels his head becoming a little dizzy, his hands twitching for his phone.
one night, after downing a bottle of wine himself, he calls you at least five times, before leaving a voicemail.
his voice lacks its usual slow, bored tone. instead his words are a little slurred, his voice seems a little higher pitched - not too much but it is noticeable - and he’s speaking a little faster too.
“[YN]? Where are you, are you okay? Please pick up, it’s been a month. Do you really- have I deterred you? I know you dislike me, have you ran away? If you have, then at least tell me you’re alive. I mi-”
he catches himself before he says it, because he’s just realised something, something that was so blatantly obvious he feels shocked that he hadn’t noticed it
he misses you, he isn’t angry. he isn’t annoyed that you disappeared, he’s upset.
the fact that it took so long for him to realise is stupid, and all he can do it sit and chuckle drunkenly to himself.
“I miss you, [YN]. Please call me back.”
when you finally call him - exactly 43 days since you left - he almost scrambles to his phone
sylus picks up immediately, yet miraculously finds himself at a loss for words. what does someone say after over a month of waiting?
kind of just stands there, frozen - if you wait before speaking you can hear his almost shaky breaths
“Hey Sylus, you miss me? You left over 13 voicemails and 65 texts, I’m touched.”
gods your voice smoothed over his tense muscles like honey
he sits down, heart beating faster than usual. it’s stupid how much hearing your voice affected him, but he couldn’t help the way his body relaxed at the sound.
if he was a dog his tail would be wagging so fucking hard
“Come here, now.”
when you do arrive, you seriously expect to get killed or something. his tone sounded seriously pissed - i mean like the most pissed you’ve ever heard it
but when you open the door you just get swallowed into a chest and a pair of arms
if you try to move away or struggle, they just hold you tighter and restrict your actions and- oh, sylus is hugging you.
his face is angled down into your head, and you can’t see his expression - only the beating of his heart against you, and it was fast.
“Where the fuck were you? I missed you.”
explain whatever the hell you want to sylus, he’s already decided that you’re not going out without him knowing ever again
probably tries to download some sort of GPS tracker on your hunter’s watch to make sure he knows where you are
TLDR; sylus doesn’t realise how much he really cares for you until you go MIA for over a month in which he starts to genuinely tweak out! :3
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AN; guys i actually spat this out in like an hour i think i might have clingy!sylus brain rot because oh my god anyways this isn’t proof read i just needed to express my love for clingy!sylus that gets worried because he isn’t just a dominant badass gang leader he’s also human and he also gets sad and upset and feels emotions argahdbansn he just sucks at recognising his own desires (get it because his evol eye can see other people’s desires but he can’t see his own :3)
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sanakiras · 1 month
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LIAR, LIAR!
PAIRING — kim mingyu x fem!reader
❝ AND THE DANCE FLOOR IS FILLING UP WITH BLOOD, BUT OH LORD, YOU’VE NEVER BEEN SO IN LOVE! ❞
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WORD COUNT — 13.5k
SYNOPSIS — in a dramatic turn of events, a rich businessman is found dead in his lavish estate, and the authorities believe it was no accident. as the detectives dig deeper, they ultimately end up with two key suspects: you, the businessman’s very own daughter, and your sworn enemy, kim mingyu. as the time progresses, tensions rise and secrets spill — and the truth has the power to either bring you closer together or tear you apart.
TAGS — murder mystery, rich rivals to partners in crime to lovers, whole lotta plot, explicit sexual content, somewhat graphic depictions of death, everyone and everything is dysfunctional™, mentions of suicide, unrealistic circumstances, moral compass is nowhere to be found, angst, medium long hair!gyu bc self-indulgence, tsundere-ish reader again guys sorry i love her so bad, mentions of parental neglect, this ended up so long help
♪ verydeadly - wolves (kanye west cover),, low - dancing and blood,, vessel - red sex,, florence + the machine - mermaids,, zayn - bordersz,, mikky ekko - who are you, really?,, q - alone,, danna paola - tenemos que hablar,, blue foundation - eyes on fire (4 ave version),, summer camp - i want you
NOTE — one of my favorite episodes of going seventeen remains bad clue 2020, i loved mingyu’s role in it and i could totally see him portraying darker/morally grey characters and rock tf out of it so. i wrote this solely based on that idea. the music recs above are also really nice to get into the vibe! enjoyyyy :D
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[ RETURN TO PART ONE ] ✧˚ · .⋆ ★ [ TWO ]
viii. I LOVE YOU LIKE A DRUG
november has a harsh cold to it that goes right through the skin of your cheeks. with your long black coat and matching gloves, you walk through the city, heading towards your lawyer’s office.
it’s been a few days since you last saw or talked to mingyu. you’ve been thinking about the kiss constantly, unable to stop it from clouding your mind. it’s hard to believe you hated his guts for years and completely changed your opinion on him within months — he took you by surprise on that. which you’re not sure how you feel about.
it’s as if his handprints were etched into your skin. you can still remember exactly how it felt, where they were. more importantly, perhaps, you know what your mind keeps leading to when the memory runs through your head.
that you want nothing more than for him to put his hands on you again. you want him so much that you have to clench your fists and tell yourself to get it together.
the universe must like to mess with you, as you receive a text from him at that exact moment. stopping in your tracks on the street, you’re just about to read it when you feel a hand on your shoulder.
once you’ve looked up from your phone, you see the devil himself standing there with a meek little smile on his face, which has you scoffing when he greets you. “hi.”
his dark hair is slicked back as he sports a thick winter jacket, jeans and black shoes. god, he’s handsome. why is he so annoying?
instead of responding to his greeting, you just speak your mind. “what’re you doing here?”
“chan mentioned you had an appointment in the neighborhood, so here i am. i wanted to see you.”
“why?”
“what, am i not allowed to visit my partner in crime?”
you purse your lips. “i thought we both agreed on discretion regarding our relationship.”
“and what kind of relationship is that?”
“an understanding.” your response comes out colder than anticipated, but you stick with it. “look, gyu, what we did… we probably shouldn’t do it again.”
he seems surprised. and a little disappointed, which he hides very quickly, but not quick enough.
so he pouts at you, doing his best not to dwell on it. “okay. any particular reason?”
you inhale sharply, trying to give him the best possible excuse you can come up with. “we agreed to keep it professional, didn’t we?”
“we did.” he nods, speaking in a way as if he were focusing on something else. “is that all there is to it? or do you have another reason?”
his gaze is playful, which makes you smile as you look down at your feet for a moment. “i’m sure you can fill the blanks.”
“interesting choice of words.”
“god, you’re such a perv.”
mingyu laughs when you punch his shoulder, his hand comfortable on your lower back. you don’t swat it away, utterly contradicting your previous words, but you can’t find it in yourself to care that much.
two days later, you’re over at his apartment, continuing your research where you left off last week, and you’re not sure if you’re imagining things, but it feels like there is a palpable tension in the air. soft rain taps against the windows while you’re looking at some security footage his friend seungkwan sent over about an hour ago.
with the two of you sitting beside eachother as you’re looking at the screen of your laptop, you find it difficult to focus on the footage, because you feel electrified by his mere presence. it’s ridiculous. he accidentally brushes your knee with your hand, and you feel a rush going through your body. a candle is lit on the table — his tan skin looks beyond beautiful, his brown eyes piercing through yours like never before.
you want him.
you. want. him. and no one else.
it’s driving you nuts, and as if he can read your mind, he begins to talk about it.
“i haven’t been able to stop thinking about our kiss.”
while the footage keeps playing in the background, you bite your lip, sucking in a breath. “gyu.” you say his name in a near scolding manner.
“do you like me?” he suddenly turns his head to face you, which feels borderline intrusive. like he’s able to see everything that’s going on in your head and heart.
it steals your breath, making your voice sound somewhat strained as a result, and you can’t even bring yourself to lie about it any longer. “i might.”
“i like you. a lot.” he says, and when you think he’s getting closer to you, you stand up from your seat, doing whatever you need to do to get it back together. you don’t want him to know how you really feel, so you clench your fists in your place, your back facing him.
“what does it matter? we’re nothing more than partners. that’s all there is to it.”
as you shake your head to yourself, he gets up as well, moving to stand behind you. “is that why you kissed me?”
“it was just the heat of the moment.”
“you’re a good liar — but not that good.” mingyu shamelessly eyes your body up and down, and when you look over your shoulder, he meets your gaze with something that appears to resemble pride, in a way.
arrogance, perhaps.
for whatever reason, that ticks something off in you. “you want me to be honest? fine. i don’t want to like you, mingyu. i didn’t want to enjoy that kiss. i’ve spent years hating you to the bone, and changing that opinion on you feels like betraying myself.”
he blinks at your sudden and blunt confession, but it’s honest and clear to him.
then he nods in understanding.
“just… hypothetically, if i said i wanted to kiss you again, what would you do?”
you notice a clear difference in his tone, his breathing, his eyes dropping down to your lips — oh, he’s fucking turned on. he knows you want him as badly as he wants you. you both know it.
“i’d tell you it was a one-time thing.”
he gets closer to you, eyelids hanging low and the hint of that damn smirk tugging at his mouth. “how about one more? for good measure. just to get our rocks off.”
the proposition is almost laughable, yet you selfishly find yourself agreeing. “just once?”
“just once.” the palm of his hand cups your jaw, and you know you’re done for when you lean in first, causing him to smile triumphantly right before his lips lock with yours.
this is what you’ve both been yearning for the past week. now that you have it, it feels like drugs, almost — addicting.
you kiss him with vigor, and his tongue slips into your mouth, leaving you aching for more. it’s when his hand pulls you closer by your waist that you force yourself to back away from him, both you and him gasping for air.
“gyu, we were supposed to—”
“keep things professional, i know,” he breathes out, his forehead resting against yours as if he has to make the biggest decision of his life, “but i don’t want to anymore.”
his hands are still on your waist, trailing down to the flesh of your upper legs, and he squeezes it, feeling sick at the idea of someone touching you there that’s not him.
“need you so bad. please — let me touch you.”
looking at his desperate form for a moment, you internally decide to go for whatever your body wants — and that’s to have him tonight.
so you roll your eyes, pulling him to you by his black t-shirt, your hands on the back of his neck before he can comprehend it. he hoists you up by the back of your thighs, taking you to his spacious bedroom.
your back touches the soft bed within seconds. his hands continue to glide up and down your body, and he subtly puts his one hand underneath the hem of your shirt, fingers touching your warm skin, and you almost forget to breathe.
mingyu feels your fingers pulling at the waistband of his jeans, and he relishes in how eager you are. he kisses your neck and moves lower painfully slowly, causing you to writhe underneath him, because you need him now.
it’s certainly a first for you to have such a need and desperation to fuck someone. and for him, of all people. if you had known about this in the morning, you wouldn’t have believed it.
but then again, the tension has been brewing between you two for years, reaching its highest point over the last couple weeks.
maybe he was onto something when he suggested for you to fuck him back in the strip club.
his lips are touching your bare stomach, and you show a hint of dominance by undoing the buttons of your pants and shoving down your panties, putting your hand on his head to guide it between your legs.
and he just lets you.
he takes your pants and underwear from your ankles and discards the pieces on the floor, hands on the back of your thighs once more as he pushes them to lean over his shoulders.
the first few seconds are spent basking in his excitement. his heart races when he looks you in the eye, and he grins to himself before diving in.
for some reason, he feels this primal urge to prove himself to you, to make you feel good like no one ever has before.
whatever the hell it is that made him have such a massive change of heart, he doesn’t know.
but he does know one thing — he worships the ground you walk on.
so to hear you gasp and whine for him when he eats you out only spurs him on to keep going, to make it dirtier and messier and keep having you moan his name.
mingyu encourages you to pull on his hair, and with each strand being pulled, he grows harder in his pants. he moans at the pain, humming against your pussy while his tongue is buried inside you.
you’re grinding against his face and he hums again, loving the feeling. “rub it in my face, baby, ‘s so good—” he babbles as his cock is rock-hard and throbbing against the fabric of his jeans, and he rubs his hard-on against the matress to get any kind of friction.
over the course of the years, even while hating him, you wondered if he was good in bed.
you didn’t think your question was going to be answered by first-hand experience.
he’s not only sickeningly good at providing pleasure — he seems to get off on it, too. your fingers clamp on his long strands of hair, thighs around his head, almost suffocating him, and even when you hit your first climax, he just keeps going. his tongue moves as if you’re not completely crumbling before him.
with a sudden sensitivity hitting you, you have to pull his face from your pussy, and he looks at you with lust-blown eyes and your wetness smeared over his lips and chin.
yeah, you fucking like him. jesus.
the little fang-shaped teeth he has show themselves when he grins at the mess he’s made of you. “want me to go again?”
“would you?”
“i’d keep going for hours if that’s what you want.”
pressing your lips together, you inhale deeply, ‘cause he looks like he means it, too. “well, as great as that sounds, i want you in me. now.”
he would’ve had a damn field trip eating you out again, but he certainly won’t complain, because he’s about to bust in his pants from just looking at you. his eyes return to your figure when you take your shirt off, dick twitching when you unclasp your lacy bra and show your completely bare body to him.
“are you just gonna keep staring?” you ask teasingly, and he needs a few seconds to get his brain running again, chuckling at your words before he removes his own clothes, pushing you back to lay you down.
“can’t help that i like what i see.”
you’re about to give him a witty retort in return when you feel the tip of his cock at the entrance of your hole, pushing forward just the slightest bit, and your lashes flutter at the sensation. he bites his lower lip at the feeling, a sudden intensity hitting the both of you.
then he pushes himself inside, inch by inch, achingly slowly. your brows scrunch together and you throw your head back, manicured nails digging into his bedsheets.
“hah—gyu—” you mumble, tension setting into your shoulderblades as he stretches you open, and you’re so tight that he feels just as suffocated as you do.
“fuck, you’re fucking tight.” he huffs out, utterly savoring your wetness wrapping around him. “can i keep going?”
at hearing the question, a breathy laugh escapes you. “how fucking big are you to have to ask that?”
“well, ‘m only halfway in right now, baby.”
fucking hell. the look on your face is borderline horrified, because jesus, you’re gonna need to adjust to him.
he lowers his chest to hover above yours, and your hands immediately move to his back, nails aching to dig into his skin. he’s only focused on your face now, and he pushes himself in all the way, watching your face contort in pain and pleasure.
your body stiffens for a second before it relaxes, and he has to hold down the urge to start moving. “that’s it. took me all the way in,” he mutters, and you nod to yourself, accidentally clamping down on him, at which he groans.
the first movements are small, slow — gentle. you release long, dragged-out moans that are the single hottest thing he’s ever heard. but he needs more, needs to get rid of the little voice in his head to fuck you hard and stupid.
he pulls out almost entirely before slamming back in, and the erotic whine you let out is just too good to his ears.
so he does it again, again, again. he fucks you to the point a different part of him takes over, ruthlessly seeking the pleasure and pain that gets him off like nothing else. he likes it fast, hard, and deep, and by the looks of it, you do too.
you’re clinging onto him with every thrust, every kiss, every moan, and he loves it.
mingyu moans, eyebrows knitted together as he’s hypnotized by the feeling of himself sheathed all the way inside you. “take it — take my fucking cock.”
“mhm. a little harder — please?” you beg, and if he wasn’t in love with you yet, he certainly is now. how on earth do you look as gorgeous as you do whilst half fucked-out, still needing more?
naturally, he gives in to you, doing whatever you ask of him. he fucks you harder, his grip on your waist tightening with each thrust.
you come to one conclusion — you don’t think anyone’s ever fucked you this good.
his mouth latches onto your tits, sucking at your nipples, and you bring his head up to kiss him again. it’s sloppy, and his movements begin to slow a little, your wetness dripping down his cock. “god, you’re fucking perfect.”
“want more, gyu. i want you to cum in me.”
“you—” he stutters out, “you want it?”
nodding at him, you even push yourself against him, his cock sinking just a little deeper into you.
so he fucks you as hard as he can until he feels himself hitting that blissful climax, continuing to roll his hips and stuff you as full of him as possible. then he sits up with a thin layer of cold sweat on his back, and he pulls himself out as slowly as he entered you, watching drops of cum seep out of your hole.
“so much for professional.” you breathe out, after which you both chuckle, and he leans in to kiss you again, and you get on top of him, taking charge, and he shivers in anticipation.
the night becomes an increasing blur with every kiss, every touch, every thrust — it’s hard to say what time it is or how many times you’ve gone at it when you finally let yourself sink into a deep sleep.
when you wake up beside him in the morning, you watch his sleeping form, your heart flutters.
it’s bizarre how he’s made you feel a kind of love you didn’t even know existed before. a feeling of great complexity and intensity that’s settled deep into your gut whenever he’s near.
as if he’s become a part of you that you can’t let go.
checking your phone, you know it’s time to get up, since you’ve got an important agenda today. yet when you try to silently slip away from his bed, you feel a warm hand on yours.
“don’t go.” he pleads, his voice lower and raspier than usual from sleeping. there’s a certain desperation in his now open eyes, and it affects you.
“i have to. appointments i can’t cancel, you know what that’s like—”
but he’s not talking about your day.
“i’m afraid of people leaving me,” he suddenly admits with a shaky tone, “and i like what we have. i like you. i guess i’m scared that… this was just a one-time thing, ‘cause it wasn’t for me. i don’t want to go back to what we were before all of this.”
processing his words, you nod, touching his cheek, reassuring him. “it wasn’t a one-time thing for me, either. you have me, i promise.”
“okay.” he gently smiles at you, his fingers caressing yours, and you lean in to press a kiss onto his lips, which he immediately reciprocates.
you give him a quick goodbye after putting your clothes on, and he’s left smiling to himself in bed while you walk out of his apartment with the same expression.
but you should know by now that all good things come to an end — one way or another.
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ix. WHO ARE YOU, REALLY?
the two weeks since your first time sleeping together have been nothing but excitingly ignorant bliss. in between his meetings and family commitments and your meetings regarding your father’s business relations, you’ve been meeting eachother in the middle at every opportunity, the investigation of your father’s death fading into the background bit by bit, getting lowered on your list of priorities.
none of your friends are aware of your relationship – since it’s a secret, and neither of you have really labelled it yet – as far as you know, anyway.
being with him is comfortable to you, and surprisingly enough, he’s the first person who’s made you feel like you could breathe properly after the chaos that your father’s death caused.
“do you really have to go out at this hour?”
“yeah, unfortunately.” he presses a kiss to your lips before pulling his shirt on while you’re still naked on his bed. “i’ll be back as soon as i can, but you don’t have to wait for me, okay? it’s probably gonna take a while.”
with a sigh, you nod, pouting a little. “okay. i’ll probably go take a shower and head home after.”
he kisses the top of your head this time, and it all feels awfully domestic.
but it’s a good feeling.
mingyu takes in the sight of your bare face and body covered in nothing but his sheets, and he feels like things were meant to be like this. like you two were always indirectly tied together, and now this is your reality.
“you’re allowed to stay as long as you want. i’ll call you later, baby, yeah?” he hums against your lips, and you nod, wanting nothing more than to pull his shirt off and drag him back into bed with you.
“mhm. you should go, or you’ll be late.”
he chuckles, his mouth grazing the top of your hand before he exits the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder and leaving you alone in his apartment.
after taking a short nap, you decide to get up and take a quick shower.
this might be the first time you’re completely on your own in his place — so you feel like checking out what he’s got lying around here.
it’s not because you don’t trust him, truly. you just like to snoop around a little, out of curiosity.
you peek into his drawers, his closet, his personal things, except for what he’s got kept under lock and key.
what intrigues you are the clear scratches on the floor by the cupboard. everything in his apartment is perfectly clean and clearly well taken care of, so this makes you raise a brow.
you figure the scratches were made by moving the cupboard to the side, so you do the same thing, trying to see if there’s a particular reason for it.
it’s hard to contain a scoff once you lay your eyes on what is apparently hiding behind it.
a safe hidden behind a cupboard. seriously? did he take inspiration from your father’s office or something? this is starting to get a bit weird.
the safe seems to require a code with six digits to be unlocked, and since the system and mechanics seem on the older side, you doubt it would send off any signals if someone tried out a wrong code.
biting your lip, you give in to your curiosity, and try out a few codes.
a popular choice for codes are always birthdays, often loved ones, and since mingyu is a complete softie in that regard, you figure it might be worth trying out.
you remember his father’s birthday from the tombstone at the graveyard where your father was buried as well. his mother celebrated her birthday last week, so that’s easy.
unfortunately, neither of the codes work.
fuck, what was his sister’s birthday again? you don’t remember. then an idea pops up in your head – she probably made a birthday post on social media at some point. you search the username and scan her profile, and within a minute, you’ve found it.
with your phone in hand, eyes going from the screen to the rotating dials, you enter the code, and the sound of a clicking lock causes your heartbeat to quicken.
it worked.
throwing your phone onto the bed, you open the safe, several items catching your eye.
there’s quite some things in there considering it’s such a small space. some stacks of money, a few vials with clear liquids in them, a gun, a passport with his photo but a different name – what the fuck is this? his backup plan to start a new life in case he needs it? that’s close to paranoid, especially for a guy who seemingly has no enemies.
behind the piles of dollar bills, you find a few old-fashioned cassette recorders stacked up, each of them numbered from one to ten.
as your curiosity gets the better of you once more, you take the recorders out of the safe and put them on the floor, where you sit down to listen to whatever’s on them.
you click the button at the back of the device, noise beginning to crack through the small speaker.
“i know recording myself confessing to something as grave as this could be my downfall, but… it’s something i need to get off my chest. i need to.” your hear him inhale sharply. “i’m setting a plan in motion that will lead to someone’s death. it’s not something i’m proud of, but he’s threatening my family. i don’t know what else to do.”
your eyes widen as you listen to the rest of the tape. he’s talking about killing your father, using a poison to take him out. once it’s finished, you look for the second tape with shaky fingers.
“getting it done shouldn’t be hard. the real issue is having an alibi, and if necessary, i need someone to put the blame on. the death of someone as important as him will draw attention, so should they assume he didn’t die of natural causes, they’re gonna want to convict someone. i can only think of one person who fits the criteria — his daughter.”
it’s like the confirmation you’ve been waiting for. this is what he’s been hiding all this time. of course he didn’t want to help you without an ulterior motive.
your heart breaks the moment he says it. just how much of a fool have you been?
“we’ve always hated eachother. looking back, i’m not sure how it started, but it did. she’s the only one who could have a solid motive. i don’t want to frame her, or anyone for that matter, but if the police decide it’s not an accident, i’ll have no other choice. maybe her lawyer can find a way around it.”
tape three.
“the plan is to pretend i have a lead on the killer when i’m actually planting fake evidence to make her seem like the culprit. i talked to her in the graveyard today, but she completely lashed out at me. it’s hard to tell who she hates more — me, her father, or herself. though i didn't know her hatred for me ran this deep, nor that she was this lonely. i kind of feel for her.”
tape four.
“she just agreed to be my date to the gala next week, though she's certainly not thrilled about it. understandably so, i guess. she's quite intimidating when she’s mad. maybe i should take notes, seeing how she always stands so firmly on business.”
tape five.
“i didn’t think she’d go as far as to go through my room. she’s more determined than i gave her credit for. god, i could barely keep it together when she said whoever killed her father did her a favor. it’s maybe the only good thing about this whole mess. i wanted to scream, tell her that it was me who did her that favor.”
tape six.
“leave it to her to interrupt a stripper’s lap dance and take me with her instead. the man taking money out of her father’s account was hired by me — i needed to subtly prove to her that it couldn’t have been me, ‘cause i was at the other side of the city when it happened. i was curious to see if she’d take the bait, and she did. she mentioned something about wanting someone who would let her be… uninhibited. it scared and surprised me; mostly because i want the exact same.”
tape seven.
“we broke into her father’s office together. it was… thrilling. exciting. she keeps surprising me with how daring she is. somewhere underneath that hard surface hides someone who’s aching for adventure, i think. maybe we’re more similar than i thought. and she’s so clever, i just—i like her. like, platonically, of course. we work well together. i should probably be more careful, try not to get too close. who knows what that might lead to.”
tape eight.
“i kissed her. i fucking kissed her. well, she kissed me first, but… i kept it going. not just a little peck, no, a full-on makeout session. it was… the type of kiss they talk about in the romance novels. i’ve never felt that big of a need to kiss someone before. and she’s so gorgeous, too. i wonder if she’s thinking about it as much as i am right now.”
tape nine.
“wonwoo says i have feelings for her, in a way. i… i feel like there’s no going back if i acknowledge it. but there's something about her, it's like... i'm not sure. like she and i are on the same wavelength. we’re so different yet so similar.”
tape ten.
“the police are tightening their grip. they wanna name the culprit, and fast. i’ve thought of turning myself in, but i’ll ruin the family name if i do that. my mom and sister will be cast out if that happens. and then there’s… her. god, she’s become so special to me. i can’t go through with it — i can’t. the idea of losing her makes me feel suffocated. fuck, i don’t know what to do.”
and just like that, you close your eyes for a moment.
everything falls into place.
putting the final tape to the side, your cheeks are wet from the tears that have been silently rolling down your cheeks ever since you hit the first play button.
he doesn’t really like you — of course he doesn’t. he’s just using you for his own gain, to cover up his crime.
it’s then that the heavy sobs come out. you utterly fall apart, feeling weak and manipulated and alone.
terrifyingly alone, more than ever before.
but you force yourself to stop crying by telling yourself that you won’t allow him to use you anymore. you need to be steps ahead of him now that he’s not aware of you knowing this information, so you wipe your tears away and play all the tapes again, but this time with your phone making recordings of each one of them.
overcome by your emotions, you feel ready to throw up.
whatever you’re about to do, it’ll probably come back to bite you in the ass later, but you don’t care. not anymore. everything’s already gone to hell anyways.
when mingyu arrives at his apartment a few hours later, it’s empty. he frowns when noticing that your clothes and things you had lying around are all gone, but shrugs it off, believing you probably had a good reason for taking them back home.
but when he calls you the next day, you don’t pick up. you don’t answer any of his texts. your staff by the gate tells him that no visitors are allowed into the driveway, meaning he can’t even get to your front door anymore.
something’s happened. he just doesn’t know what.
long after he’s had his dinner, the rain comes pouring down from the dark clouds in the sky, thunder rumbling in the distance as you make your way to the front door of mingyu’s apartment.
he instantly notices something is very wrong once he lays eyes on you. you look like you’ve just gone through hell and back.
you let yourself in before he can say anything, so he closes the door behind you, confusion painted across his face. “i’ve been calling you — what’s going on? did something happen?”
oh, the question immediately pisses you off even more than you already are. this is about to be fun. “well, you’d know.” you grumble.
“know what?”
“that you killed my fucking father.”
the words strike like lightning. you finding out about the truth certainly wasn’t part of the plan, and since you seem so convinced, he doesn’t have much faith in trying to convince you of his innocence.
when his surprised expression fades, you finally see the truth written all over his face. his jaw is clenched tight, lips pressed together into a thin line, and he suddenly looks very guilty. “how… how did you find out?”
“the tapes. who the fuck records their own confession to murder? were you trying to get me to find out?” you rhetorically ask, eyes blazing fire.
mingyu huffs to himself. he knew he shouldn’t have kept those tapes — fuck.
“look, i—” he swallows, attempting to mend the situation, but you don’t let him speak.
“no. you’re going to tell me exactly what you did and why you did it. you owe me that much.”
he flinches, closing his eyes for a moment, lowering his head, his way of showing he accepts his defeat. “your dad… i always thought he wanted me around because he liked me, but after all those years, that turned out to be a lie. i found out he was blackmailing my mom with evidence of my father’s wrongdoings before his passing — fraud, embezzlement, all of that. we’re talking millions of dollars here. the damage it would’ve done to my family if that ever came out… it’s something i had to prevent. hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one behind my dad’s car accident. so i did what i thought was necessary.”
you can only scoff. “of course. how noble of you.”
“i’m sorry.” he tells you, but it’s a lie. your father was a despicable man, loved by no one. not really, anyway.
“if you’re going to lie to me, at least do it well.” you scold him, turning away from him for a moment, looking at the rain outside through the large windows of his apartment. “how did you kill him? i wanna hear you say it.”
“can’t we talk about—”
interrupting him, you turn around, the pistol from his safe in your hand, and it’s pointed at him. he anxiously awaits your next move.
“don’t make me ask again. i don’t particularly feel like repeating myself.”
he shudders at the view of the gun pointed at him, but does what you tell him to. “i poisoned him. he had no idea, didn’t suspect me at all. i told him to go home, so he’d die there.”
“where i would be, too. perfect plan, huh?”
“the plan was to make it look like a death from natural causes. the poison would be out of his system by the time the authorities were to perform the autopsy on his body — but then they found him dangling from the ceiling instead. that wasn’t my doing, so i figured the poison got to him to the point he wanted a quicker way out. you were there, with a reasonable motive. i panicked and made a choice.”
inhaling sharply, your eye twitches. “you chose to frame me.”
“i was going to.”
“oh, give me a break. don’t start acting like you care about me, now.”
“except i do. it was different in the beginning — but then i just—i didn’t remember why i hated you. i couldn’t even fathom a possible reason to. i started liking being around you, and you felt it too. i know you did, you said it yourself.” he pleads, getting closer to you, not giving a damn that the barrel of the gun is touching his chest at this point.
a tear escapes your eye, but your anger is still there. “you know what the thing is, mingyu? i don’t even care that you killed him. hell, if you had come to me after our interrogations and confessed that it was you, i would’ve thanked you. what i care about is that you took advantage of me when i was vulnerable, and that you made me feel like i mattered to you when you were all just doing it for your own gain.”
it’s like you’ve ripped his heart out of his chest. he wishes he could make you understand that you’ve made him feel more alive than anyone he’s ever met, that you’ve grown to mean so much to him in a ridiculously short span of time. that he’d go to hell and back to protect you now.
“you matter to me. more than anyone else.”
all you can do is let out a sarcastic fit of laughter; you don’t trust a single word that comes out of his mouth. “i need you to tell me something. did you sleep with me because you actually wanted to or because you felt like you had to in order to manipulate me to get closer to you?”
he seems appalled at what you’re implying. “of course i wanted to. all i ended up wanting was you—”
“don’t you fucking lie to me!” you burst out angrily, at which he flinches, but his frustration brings him to confess his true feelings.
“it’s not a lie, because i’m in love with you!” he raises his voice in desperation, “i don’t care if you shoot me right here, right now. it won’t change how i feel about you.”
your heart shatters even more, because he sounds so genuine, yet it doesn’t make you feel the way it should.
the words should probably bring some kind of twisted comfort, but they feel like a gut punch instead. you grab your chest to stop yourself from hyperventilating. “at least i was right at the beginning. the golden boy is a fucking murderer. you’ve played your part well, i gotta admit.”
he watches you breathily laugh and cry at him, and all he can do is stare back at you with teary eyes and a guilty face.
“please don’t say that.”
“why? does it hurt, hearing the truth?”
“i swear to you—”
you shut him up by pushing him backwards with the pistol against his chest. “you know, when you bothered me after the funeral, when i had my breakdown, i wanted nothing more than to cave in your skull with a rock. looking back, i should’ve just done it. would’ve spared me this whole mess.”
surprisingly enough, you simply put the pistol back in your jacket pocket, but mingyu is just as if not more afraid of you. your gaze is the harshest, coldest, meanest he’s ever seen it. all you do is look at him and he crumbles.
and yet he still wants you. he knows you hate him to the bone, you detest every part of him, and he still. wants. you.
and he intends to show you that, because he’s willing to throw every last shred of pride and dignity he has let out the window if it means you’ll show him you want him even the smallest bit. “i’ll prove it to you. if you ask me to turn myself in, i’ll turn myself in. i’ll do it, for you.”
god, he seems so genuine in it, too.
your breaths are ragged, and you feel like you need to get literally anywhere else, out of the suffocation that is this room with him in it. you barely even noticed he’d taken a hold of your hand until now.
“i can’t do this. just—just let me leave.”
he does.
the moment the door slams shut behind you, he has to grab the nearest object to hold himself up, leaving him wondering what the hell just happened.
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x. WHEN IS A MONSTER NOT A MONSTER?
the following days are spent anxiously pacing in his apartment. what is he supposed to do? what should he say to you? what should he tell the press, that he’s innocent? guilty? what should he tell his family? that he killed a man to protect them and their reputation? would they even look him in the eye if he confessed?
he waits and waits and waits for his arrest to come, for the police to barge into his home and take him away to a cold, dark prison cell — yet the day never comes.
personally, he wonders if you’re waiting it out to make you feel as shitty as you’ve probably been feeling since the day you discovered his true colors.
nearly a week after the fight between you, he decides he can’t take it anymore. he needs to see you.
you doubt you’ve ever felt as miserable as you’ve felt these past days. it’s like you’re torn between hating mingyu for taking advantage of you and hating yourself for being stupid enough to fall for it. to fall for him.
because no matter how much you want to deny it, you did.
something you desperately needed was a distraction, which is why you ended up accepting wonwoo’s invitation to the event his father is hosting tonight at his estate just outside the city. with your little black dress on and hair perfectly styled, you down a glass of champagne next to wonwoo, who looks a bit concerned. “everything okay?”
the noise of chatter and soft music in the background only overwhelms you more. “yeah. i just… haven’t had alcohol in a while.” you mutter a bullshit excuse, not really caring whether you sound believable or not.
“i get it if you don’t feel like being here right now, with everything that happened recently. i can take you home if you want.”
“and miss out on your father’s celebration?”
“there will always be another one.” wonwoo shrugs, looking at you like nothing else in the room matters. he has a little smile playing on his lips that’s far too gentle — you almost feel undeserving of a gaze that loving.
but you don’t hold eye contact with him for long, because the source of all your current problems suddenly walks into the room — and he looks good. criminally good.
the red suit with its low neckline draws even more attention to him than usual, along with several expensive pieces of jewelry adorning his wrists and fingers.
“he’s here? that’s strange. he said he wasn’t coming.” wonwoo mumbles, and you do your best to keep your composure and hide the sudden anxiety that blooms in your chest.
“shame. the party was just getting good.” you scoff to yourself, replacing your empty champagne glass with a full one.
it’s then that mingyu’s eyes find yours, and even while politely saying hello to the elders greeting him, he keeps sneaking a peek your way, as if to try to get away from the people surrounding him to get to you.
oh, fuck no. you’re not in the mood to talk to him right now.
“i’m just gonna go and use the restroom, okay? i’ll be right back.” you say to wonwoo, hoping to find yourself a spot in the shadows where you can properly get some air.
you hardly catch his response as your legs are already moving on their own, as far away from the man in red as possible.
passing through a quiet hallway, you find yourself finally alone at the bottom of a staircase, and with no one else around, you sit down on the first few steps, a sigh escaping your mouth.
“did my appearance surprise you?”
as you recognize his voice, your blood runs cold.
looking behind you, he’s standing at the top of the stairs, his hands in his pockets. he appears surprisingly relaxed, even if his fingers slightly tremble against the fabric of his trousers.
“you have some nerve showing up here.”
mingyu purses his lips. “why don’t you come up a couple steps?”
when you finally meet his gaze, his heart skips a beat. your brows are knitted together. “why would i do that?”
“because we’d be on the same level. equals.”
“is that what you want?”
“i think you already know the answer to that.”
biting your lip to yourself, you get up on your feet, heels clicking on the creaking wood with each step. once at his level, you look at him with hostility – he only shows intrigue.
“why haven’t you given me up yet? it’s been a week.”
“i have my reasons.” you shrug, the anger remaining in your features. “what? scared i’ll ruin your reputation?”
his tone suddenly changes into something more desperate, emotional. “i just want to know what you’re gonna do. if you wanna turn me over to the police, fine. but do something, please—”
“you’re not in a position to be making demands.”
“i’m not demanding, i’m asking.”
“go fuck yourself, mingyu.” you snap at him, looking around you before lowering your voice. “what did you think was going to happen when you came here tonight? that i would just let you in on everything? the last thing i owe you is an explanation.”
as the tension continues to rise between you, the argument causes you to step closer to eachother.
his chest heaves out of frustration, because you make a more than valid point, but he still has his own interests at heart. “i know that.”
“so then why show up tonight? don’t bullshit me, i know you’re not here for wonwoo.”
“are you? what are you doing here?”
“what the hell is your problem?” scoffing at him, you intend to push him by his chest, but he grabs your wrists instead.
“you are my problem.” he breathes out angrily as if he were confessing his sins, his hands remaining on your skin. “everything fell apart because of you.”
“if you’re actually trying to pin this on me, i’ll hit you in your fucking jaw until it bleeds.”
he only pulls you closer. “and i’d let you. do you still not get it?”
his grip on your wrists falters, and he softly rubs over your skin with his finger, and you hate your body for reacting to it.
christ, you think to yourself, has he been standing this close to you this whole time?
the smell of his perfume plagues your senses, and a feeling you can’t quite place washes over you when you catch him looking at your lips, and you realize his one hand is slowly gliding past your waist.
are you really going to let yourself fall into his trap again?
“everything okay?”
the words aren’t uttered by you nor mingyu — wonwoo peers up at you from your former spot at the bottom of the stairs.
of course he’s been sensing that there was something going on between you the moment you showed up at the strip club, but this clearly confuses him, since you’re still supposed to hate one another.
fuck. how much of the conversation did he hear?
mingyu hesitantly releases his hands from your body, and you take a step backwards, both of you focusing on wonwoo. “yeah, i’m fine.”
as if to make the situation even worse, the fucking inspector that’s leading the investigation appears behind wonwoo, curiously looking at his two main suspects standing side by side.
the situation feels suffocating. wonwoo points at the older man, “he was looking for you. that’s why i came to see if you were here — i didn’t know you were, um — occupied.”
“i’m not occupied.” with the way you completely disregard mingyu’s existence, it’s almost as if he weren’t even here. you make your way down the steps, smoothening over the fabric of your dress and taking a deep breath to get a hold of yourself again.
the inspector glances at mingyu one last time before asking you if he can talk to you privately, which you agree to.
mere minutes later, you’re standing in a secluded room, far away from the rest of the crowd, arms crossed over your chest, a dim light flickering on the ceiling above you.
“i wanted to talk about the investigation.”
“talking to me off-record again? this isn’t a good look on you.” you sneer at the man, who puts up his hands before his chest.
“i know. but it’s for a good reason.” he defends himself, at which you frown. “i have a proposition for you.”
“which is?”
“i need your help catching the person who killed your father.”
pursing your lips together, you let out a bitter chuckle. “like i would know anything—”
“you were just speaking to him, actually.”
the weight of his words makes your eyes widen. this is the first time he’s expressing who he believes is the culprit, after all these weeks.
your breath hitches in your throat. “you think mingyu is guilty.”
the inspector nods at the conclusion you’ve drawn. “he’s smart, i’ll give him that. but not invincible.”
“what will you do? do you have evidence against him?”
“i have enough that makes me sure that it was him, but not enough to defeat him in court. he’s rich and uses that to his advantage.” he explains, sounding almost hopeful. “so that’s where you come in.”
“me?”
“what i need is evidence that even he can’t work around, no matter how many people in the system he chooses to bribe. you told me the nature of your relationship was sexual — i don’t need to know if that’s true or not. but i’ve noticed he seems fond of you these days. you can use that to get him caught. we can’t let him get away with it.”
his voice rings through your ears, sounding like a convincing whisper. biting down on your tongue, you clench your fists, the predicament you currently find yourself in making you wish the ground would just swallow you whole.
you subtly glance down at your phone for a moment.
the evidence is right there, on the phone in your hand. you’ve recorded all the tapes with your phone — the confession, murder weapon — it’s all the evidence needed. you could give it right now and everything would be over.
yet not a single word comes out of your mouth.
the inspector sighs, offering you a final sentiment. “be careful with him. people can be deceiving.”
and with that, he exits the room, leaving you alone with the voice in your head.
your next moves are crucial. you know what you’re about to do is risky, but it’ll be worth it. it has to be worth it.
once you’ve left the inside of the estate through the backdoor, the event continues for the evening while you ponder over the choice you’re about to make in the backseat of the cab.
shrugging off your coat as you enter your home, you still in your movements when your eyes find the stairs — the spot where the police had to cut down your father’s cold, dead body.
with your gaze remaining on the former crime scene, you press on mingyu’s number to call it.
he picks up faster than lightning, but you don’t allow him to speak.
“meet me in the city tomorrow. 10:30, outside your mother’s firm. don’t be late.”
you hang up right after.
fuck, you should really sell this place. the fact that your father’s wandered around here is more than enough reason.
that he died here as well isn’t great either, but that’s really a minor detail.
with your arms crossed, you scoff, a half-smile that’s almost smug sitting on your face. “if only your death had welcomed us sooner.”
the next morning, you lean your head against the wall of the building you’re meeting at, a cold wind blowing through your hair as you’re sunken deeply into thought.
it’s comfortably quiet, honestly. you’re fond of this type of weather, the white, grey-ish sky, the breeze in the air, some rain on occasion.
you glance at the watch on your wrist — why the fuck is mingyu still not here? what possible reason could he have to be late when this is what he was practically begging for?
just as you’re about to grab your phone from your pocket to call him, someone pulls you by your arm and drags you into the alley beside the building.
“what the fuck!?” you huff out, and then you finally get a good look at the person who grabbed you.
of course it’s him.
“i’m sorry.” mingyu breathes out, his usually neatly styled hair now messy, several strands hanging loose in front of his forehead, the stress visible in his features.
to be together like this feels messy yet weirdly intimate. a few strands of your hair are caught between your lips, and you feel his breath on your face, his hands on your body, even your hands find their way back to him.
as if it’s natural.
“what the hell are you thinking?!” you hiss at him, pushing his hands off you, backing yourself as far up against the wall as possible.
“someone was following me, i was — i thought you’d lured me here to turn me in.”
“you—” is all you can push out of your throat before a sigh leaves you. of course he’d think that. god, what a mess.
burying your face in your hands, it feels like you’re both on the verge of a complete breakdown. both lost, not sure where to go, not sure what’ll happen next.
you thought you’d found a sense of direction in eachother, but that fell apart like a house of cards hit by the wind.
naturally, it begins to rain right when you’re talking to him outside. sighing to yourself, you gesture for him to come with you to your car in the half-empty parking lot, which he wordlessly agrees with.
it’s pouring by the time you’re both seated, the heavy rain rolling down the glass windows of the car.
it’s completely silent between you as you sit beside one another, staring dead ahead at the street.
your voice is hoarse when you tell him your verdict on the matter.
“we’re gonna cover it up.”
mingyu turns his head to look at you in disbelief, but you don’t move a muscle. “… what?”
“i believe i’ve told you i don’t like to repeat myself.”
“no one in their right mind would do that. no one would help me cover it up.” he exhales, eyes moving rapidly as he tries to process what you’re proposing to him.
“no one in their right mind would commit murder, either, but that certainly didn’t stop you.”
well, you have a point there.
“just tell me one thing,” mingyu asks, hoping you’ll look at him, “why? why do this for me?”
he could cry the moment you do meet his eyes. it’s like he sees a different version of himself staring back at him. “because you did the right thing. i would’ve done the same. well, except for your little affair with me.”
with his heart beating against his chest, he gently touches your hand. “everything i told you was true. it may not have been real in the beginning, and i’m sorry for pretending back then, but it’s real now. i swear that to you.”
you bite your lip. “give me one good reason why i should believe you.”
mingyu can taste his tears at this point. he needs you to believe him, he needs you — and that is terrifying but addictive. “the tapes. you can have them if you want.”
“i don’t need them. they hold no value to me.” you already made copies of them anyway.
“then what can i give you to prove myself?”
“nothing.” you immediately cut him off, eyes blazing fire, but even mingyu can see you do share that sadness that he does, mourning the loss of your connection. “from now on, we avoid contact over the phone as much as possible. you’ll destroy the tapes, the poison — get rid of all of it. we’ll work together until we’ve covered it up, and after that, it’ll be like whatever we had never existed. we’ll be nothing more than strangers to one another.”
“how on earth would we go back to strangers after what we did?”
“by never talking to eachother again.” you respond, swallowing the rising lump in your throat, fingers twitching from feeling suffocated. “get out. you can come over to my place tomorrow, and we’ll… figure out how to handle everything.”
mingyu looks at you, and he knows you won’t let him in again, certainly not now. so he nods.
he thinks of what to say, yet nothing comes out.
so he leaves you in your car without saying another word, walking away with nothing but his mistakes on his mind.
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xi. I HATE YOU LIKE MY OWN REFLECTION
“so, what do we do now?”
“our best shot is to try to frame someone else, then take them out of prison after the conviction and pay ‘em good money for it.”
mingyu cocks a brow at your choice. “so you wanna go and do the exact same thing i wanted to do?”
you can’t help but glare at him. “yes, just without the manipulation. don’t think for a second i’ve forgiven you, or that i will in the nearby future, because i can assure you that won’t happen.”
well, so much for trying to get into your good graces again. “noted. so, how do we, um… find a suitable victim? someone who won’t rat us out.”
“my contact in the police force has sent me a list of all the other suspects. we pick someone, threaten to kill them if they don’t cooperate. easy.”
mingyu finds your lack of filter both intriguing and scary, like a switch was flipped and you’re suddenly ready to undertake even more violent measures than him. but then again, he was hiding quite some things too. “okay.”
it’s two days later when you’re holding a now former member of the housekeeping hostage in your spacious private parking garage.
“you can’t make me do this! this is insane!” he cries out, and you roll your eyes, holding the gun in your hand as easily as you’d carry a bottle of water.
you simply shrug. “it’s not impossible.”
“i’ll lose everything!”
“probably. but you’ll also gain a lot of money, enough to get you a comfortable life elsewhere in the world.”
“no, no, i’m not doing this. you can’t make me!”
mingyu looks to you for permission, you grant it with a nod, and he takes your gun to hit the guy in the face with it. you sink down to bend your knees, lowering to your victim’s level.
“i don’t think you get it. either you agree to do this, or you’re not making it out of these walls alive. trust me, if i have to shoot you, i will.” you sternly tell him, attitude changing from casual to threatening.
your partner in crime, who’s still holding the gun, is beyond impressed. he briefly thinks it over —has this part of you always been hiding underneath the surface?
“or maybe it’s your family i should start with? i’ll pick it apart, one by one.” you suggest, feigning innocence in your voice.
it’s then that the man is finally forced to accept your offer, after which you smile triumphantly and tell him he can go home like nothing happened. mingyu watches the change in your behavior, leaving him wondering how the hell you’re the same person he’s come to know over the past months.
but it hardly changes his now deeply-rooted affection for you.
a few days later, you’ve successfully orchestrated your plan and set it in motion, with the man from housekeeping supposedly coming forward with his confession tomorrow.
it’s late at night when mingyu’s still over at your house, and he asks if he can open the bottle of vodka standing on the counter.
“sure. whatever.” you mutter, the stand-offish demeanor you used to hold up around him before getting to know him having returned.
he doesn’t like it. no, scratch that — he can’t stand it.
so he pours you both a shot. “i’ve been thinking about something.”
“well, that must’ve been exhausting for you.”
hilarious. really. he chooses to ignore your sarcasm for now. “in the car, you said i did the right thing. that you would’ve done the same.”
“and?”
“do you really not… hate me for killing him? at all?”
“no.”
“you hate me for… lying to you about it.”
“no.”
his brows knit together. “so…”
“again, don’t take this as a compliment, but i really thought you were smarter than this.”
“i’m just… confused on your stance on the whole thing. that’s all.”
taking a breath, a bitter chuckle leaves your mouth. “i hate it when people make fun of me, like — that’s the worst thing you could do to me. and you tried to get to know me, work with me, pretended to care for me, all while secretly knowing that it wasn’t genuine and you were going to put me in prison. and after i found out, it felt like you were just ridiculing me, for… i don’t know. giving in to you so easily. for being desperate to have at least one person actually care about me the way i thought you did.”
he processes your words with the heavy burden of guilt weighing on his shoulders, while you take another shot of alcohol.
well, he fucked up. miserably.
“when i created the plan to frame you, i… almost held a grudge towards you, like you did to me, for a reason i couldn’t even think of. i was going to be putting someone i hated in prison. a sacrifice i was willing to make for the people i loved. but you completely blew me away. as time progressed, i… couldn’t fathom i used to hate you, or even disliked you. even if you don’t accept my apology, i need you to know that i never… never made fun of you. and i’m sorry for hurting you in the way that i did.”
his heartfelt sentiment gets to you, and you hate it.
“even if i did accept your apology, what then? we’ll just move on with our lives as if this whole thing never happened either way.”
now that you’ve unintentionally given him a sense of hope, he downs another shot of vodka to give himself courage. “it doesn’t have to be like that.”
“what?”
“i still want you.” he breathes out, mentally saying fuck it and deciding to finally be completely honest with you.
the words seem to have caught you off-guard, after which you scoff at him once you realize what he’s saying. “you’re not serious.”
“i am,” he replies without hesitation, following you in your tracks when you stand up, “and you know what i think? you still like me, too.”
“no i don’t.”
now that you’ve turned around to him, you realize how stupid of a move it was to do so. with every step he takes forward, you go back, but there’s only so much room before you hit the wall. “you’re not being very convincing.”
“gyu—”
“i like it when you call me that.”
at a loss for words, you look behind you to find you’re nearly out of space. “i don’t like you.”
“and here i thought we were both being honest with eachother.”
god, all he does is look at you and you feel willing to let him touch you again. he made you feel so good — you liked him so much.
mingyu feels it. he sees you fighting with yourself in your head, so he figures all you need is just a little push to get you back where he had you, to be able to kiss you and hold you and call you his.
with his left hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and within a second, he’s pushed his mouth against yours.
fuck, it’s been only two long weeks since he last kissed you, but it felt like forever. this feeling, his touch — you doubt you’d ever be able to feel that with anyone else.
but something in you is still fighting back.
you muster the will to push mingyu away, and he licks his lips from the gloss on yours. both of you panting heavily, you shake your head. “no. we’re not doing this.”
“what? something we both want?” he breathes out, chest heaving up and down.
“something we shouldn’t.”
“why not?”
“because i’d never forgive myself for giving in to the guy who was gonna frame me for murder.”
he merely shrugs, downplaying the situation for his selfish interests. “we hated each other back then. you’d have done it too, you said it yourself.”
his words are true — but it still hurts.
“you’re a liar.” you say to him, and he knows you’re only saying it for one reason — to convince yourself to not give in to what you really want.
“yeah. and so are you.”
that is what momentarily causes your brain to shut down. “what?”
his hand cups your jaw. you can feel his breath on your bare skin, his gaze on your body, shamelessly checking you out before he meets your eyes again. “what we had was real. you make everyone else in my life seem like… nothing.”
“oh, so i’m special, huh? or are you just trying to get back into my good graces so i don’t rat you out?”
his eyes keep lingering on the skin of your cheeks, your neck, exposed collarbones, and he doesn’t even look you in the eye while answering. “you can do whatever you want. i’ll still want you once i’ve gotten out of prison.”
god. he’s really that into you?
“gyu…” you mutter, almost pouting, and he holds your face, nodding as if he understands.
“i know, i know—” his breathing is unsteady as he confesses every dirty little sin on his conscience, “i like being a little selfish, y’know? even when one of my friends mentioned something about liking you, i didn’t tell you, ‘cause i wanted you.”
you’ve got a feeling who he’s talking about. “so what’d you say to him?”
“i said you had something going on with someone else, which wasn’t exactly a lie, since you were on top of me that same night.” he barely allows himself to finish the sentence before kissing you again, putting all his vigor into it, and you decide to indulge both him and yourself this once.
he pushes you up against the wall, and you shove him away again, holding onto the cupboard beside you when you both catch your breath.
“what if i like him better than you?”
“you wouldn’t.”
“why? ‘cause you’re so likeable?”
“because he’d never accept you for who you really are, and you’d find him boring,” he tells you as a possessive streak overcomes him, “just like no other girl would ever want me and i only want you.”
“so i should let you have me because no one else will. what a compelling argument.”
“no. because you want me.” fucking hell, he’s pretty sure his sex drive has never been this high before. “so have me, baby. please — i’m all yours.” he rasps, pressing a kiss so chaste to your lips, they barely touch. his hands burn on your skin.
“maybe i will.” you mumble, which elicits the smallest smirk from him.
he rubs up against you. “you make me insane.”
“pretty sure you already were.” is the last thing you say before kissing him, finally giving in to the feelings you still hold for him.
the sudden motion takes him by surprise, but he regains his composure to kiss you back within seconds. you make him feel so sickeningly good, he practically worships the ground you walk on.
mingyu is always tactile, be it with his friends, family, or in this case — you. his hands are practically glued to your body, pulling you as close to him as possible.
and normally he likes to take his time when it comes to sex. but he’s just so hot right now that he needs some kind of friction, some kind of release. so he lifts you up to take you to your bedroom, where he wastes no time to plunge his fingers into you.
“fuck—gyu—”
this is all he wants. to hear you moan his name like that and watch you writhe underneath him while his cock throbs as he rubs it against the bed.
“you look so pretty like this.” he grins, curling his fingers to watch you squirm and feel you clench around him.
jesus, his pace is high. higher than any other time he’s done this before. the pressure in your stomach builds so fast that you’re almost overwhelmed by the feeling, at which you instinctively reach down to hold his wrist, but to no avail, because he keeps going.
“say you like me back and i’ll make you cum.”
even through the pleasure he’s giving you, you manage to pull your mean attitude back up. “are you that desperate?”
not only does he seem completely unaffected by the snark in your voice — he might even like it.
“so what if i am?” he shrugs, his fingers moving in and out of you while he kisses and sucks on the skin of your neck.
when he moves onto your jaw, he suddenly hits the right spot inside you, and your eyes roll back, a dragged-out moan escaping you.
“bet that feels good, hm?” he whispers, his fangs showing when he smiles slyly, “c’mon — say it. i’ll make you feel so good, baby.”
right after the words come out of his mouth, he threatens to take his fingers out, and you grab his wrist once more, this time to keep him as close as possible.
“fine — i like you.”
like a war general who just won his greatest battle, he’s beaming at your confession. “good. put your legs over my shoulders.”
well, he certainly is determined. he’s back in his previous position in no-time, now with your legs up, and you try to not clench your thighs around his head too much as his digits piston in and out of your hole.
your orgasm hits you within what feels like a minute, and mingyu keeps going even when your legs are shaking and trembling on his shoulders.
the drag of his cock inside you is heavenly. he’s a big man, and you always need to adjust yourself to him, but fuck is it good.
you always like the slower strokes best, he’s learned. slow and deep, to make you feel every inch of him, and he can bury himself in you to the hilt every single time.
“god, you’re always so tight.” he has to suck through gritted teeth to not completely lose it, ‘cause you’re clenching down on him so much that it almost hurts.
“that’s ‘cause you don’t fuck me enough.”
“we should fix that, then.” he responds, sliding his cock in and out of the pooling wetness between your legs, and as the minutes go by, you continue to find yourself in his arms, your body plastered on his.
it’s the ringing of your phone from the nightstand that pulls you out of the erotic haze.
mingyu turns his head to the side, the dark strands of hair hanging beside his head as he’s still hovering above you.
his chest still heaves when he picks up the device to show you the caller id. “you never did tell me what he wanted to talk to you about.”
all you can do is chuckle — a sound that comes across as if you know more than he does. “he’s onto you. thinks you’re guilty. not far from the truth, is he?”
throwing your phone to the other side of the bed, he pushes himself a little deeper into you, loving the way you have to bite your lip to suppress a whimper. “and he wanted you to give him evidence, i bet.”
“he did.”
“did you?”
“since you still have the freedom to fuck me — take a wild guess.”
this time it’s him who lets out an arrogant laugh. “i knew you liked me too much.”
“i could still do it, y’know.”
“oh, i know you could.” he bites his lower lip before kissing you so vigorously again — as if you’re the air he breathes.
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xii. ROUGH HEWN BY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, AND GIVEN BREATH BY NECESSITY
with the noise of the fireplace crackling, you stand by the window of your mansion’s spacious living room, staring outside as you’re anxiously rubbing your fingers over your collarbone.
the man you and mingyu forced to act like he was guilty of murdering your father has supposedly confessed yesterday morning, and yet you’ve still heard nothing. which is strange.
extremely strange.
“they could still be interrogating him.” mingyu tries to ease both your and his own nerves, but you shake your head, your back still facing him.
“something’s wrong. if it were convincing enough, i would’ve heard something. fuck.”
he gets up from the soft couch to wrap his arms around you from behind. “we just gotta be a little more patient. the guy knows what’s at stake should he mess it up.”
letting out a sigh, you nod. “yeah, i guess you’re right.”
just when he’s pressed a kiss on the top of your head, the doorbell rings — whoever that may be.
mingyu remains in his spot by the window while you go ahead to check who’s visiting you. your breath is almost stolen completely from you once you see who it is.
“coming to visit me at this hour?”
the inspector gives you a fake smile in return. “it’s important.”
so you let him in, keeping up the nonchalance in your attitude. mingyu raises a brow at the older man walking into the room, and he crosses his arms over his chest.
“i had someone coming into the station yesterday — one of your father’s former staff. he confessed to the murder.” the inspector begins. “unfortunately for him, i said i’d already figured out who the culprit was, and so i sent him back home.”
“someone confessed and you didn’t think about telling us?” mingyu questions angrily, and you really have to force yourself not to show how impressed you are with his acting skills.
the other man in the room is less impressed. “why would i tell you something you’re already aware of? you orchestrated it.”
oh, shit.
as your eyes widen, it’s quiet for a moment.
“i really hope you have actual proof to back this accusation.” mingyu sneers, clearly hostile towards the man while you silently take a few steps back, slowly hiding yourself more in the shadows by the walls.
“traces of poison were found in the reports of the autopsy. it was disregarded at first because of the small amount, but i eventually began to consider it evidence when i discovered you recently purchased that exact formula from a dealer who’s been on our radar for a while.”
the hairs on your neck suddenly stand upright. is this it? is the person you’ve grown so attached to actually going to get arrested?
“thing is, if i were to arrest you, you’d probably be let go. i know you both have contacts in the police force as well as the justice system, i almost caught someone messing with the autopsy results — but despite that, i know the truth.” the man nods to himself. “and that is, mr. kim, that the only charge against you is attempted murder.”
mingyu seems confused. “attempted?”
“the poison didn’t kill him. you’re guilty of something, definitely, but you’re no murderer.” the inspector’s gaze suddenly shifts from your partner to you, a deep frown setting into your forehead. “the only player in this game that wasn’t making any sense to me was you.”
“me?”
“you know, in my many years in this line of work, i’ve found it a rarity to have a suspect possessing such an… inscrutible expectant stillness. the gears in your head are constantly turning, but no one’s really sure what it is that goes up in there. you’re an enigma.” he says to you, and you listen to him with a raised brow.
as you remain silent, he continues. “at the event a few weeks ago, when i spoke with you, i came to you and told you i suspected him to be the culprit — the man you’ve hated from day one. the opportunity to make him go away was practically given to you, yet you did nothing with it.”
scoffing at him in disbelief, you tilt your head. “that’s all you have against me? baseless speculation?”
“not exactly baseless. see, the autopsy report showed one more thing — he was choked before the hanging. your father was unconscious before you put that rope around his neck.”
it’s so quiet, you’re pretty sure the two men in the room are able to hear your heartbeat at this point.
mingyu turns to look at you with a puzzled expression, and you finally decide to drop the façade you’ve upheld for so long.
“oh, so what?” you shrug, finding the accusation bothersome at best.
the sudden change in demeanor catches mingyu completely off-guard. he can’t fully comprehend what’s going on here. “you—you killed him?”
you press your lips together. “whatever you used on him wasn’t enough to kill him, but it was enough to make him violent. he came home that night just—fucking losing it. stumbling over everything, his eyes were all red, and he yelled at me because he thought i was the one who poisoned him. ‘cause naturally, he’d never suspect you. my father was one to hit me on the cheek whenever he was really angry with me, but he’d never gone further than that. the poison must’ve worked him up so much that he lost rational thinking. so he began to accuse me of trying to kill him, after which he tried to choke me, but i managed to throw him off, and he passed out. and i figured it’d been enough of his torture, so… i hung him in the stairwell to make it seem like a suicide.”
the inspector nods knowingly. “you murdered him in cold blood.”
you’re quick to respond with your defense, though you don’t really care anymore. “did you not hear the part where he tried to kill me?”
mingyu looks like a kicked puppy when he processes your confession. “so you’ve been lying to me this whole time?”
the words elicit a scoff. “that’s real bold, coming from you.”
“but you—you agreed to help me figure out who your father’s killer was. why would you do that if you did it?”
“at first i didn’t, as you know, but you were just so fucking persistent. so i figured i could try to divert your attention from me. i was going to convince you that it was a suicide. then i hear the tapes, you admitting that you poisoned him, and everything made sense. but hey, at least i wasn’t trying to frame you.”
the jab directed at him makes him feel guilty again. “so we both did it.”
“in a way. though i’d argue it was somewhat self-defense. i mean, he came onto me, tried to kill me—”
“you made a mistake and you know it.” the inspector interrupts, making you roll your eyes as he scolds you. “you should’ve called the police. but you didn’t, you just decided to hang him instead!”
“he deserved it!” you retort, displaying the clear hatred you’ve always felt towards anyone who tried to defend the man who raised you. “i don’t care what you think. and you said it yourself — i have everyone in the justice system on my payroll, if necessary. threatening to kill a family member or two also works like a charm.”
it’s silent for a few seconds after you’ve revealed this side of your true nature, and the man just stares you in the eye before grabbing a device from his backpocket.
when he clicks on the button, you already know what it is.
he recorded the whole conversation, and you already know he can’t be bribed, so this is a real problem — because it’s the one piece of evidence needed that will destroy you both.
“you do realize how stupid it was to come here alone, right?” you ask rhetorically.
“what, will you kill me too?” he asks, and when both you and mingyu deadpan a stare at him, he knows the answer.
he’s not getting out of this room alive unless he forfeits the recording.
when you and your partner in crime exchange a glance, the inspector attempts to make a run for it, only to be tackled by mingyu once he’s reached the door.
one last sacrifice.
the sound of a blade piercing through skin makes you jump, your fingers twitching.
blood begins to trickle down his body, after which mingyu pulls out the knife and pushes it in once more, higher up in the chest this time.
“oh, jesus—fuck!” you gasp to yourself when you feel the bloodsplatters hitting your face and neck, and mingyu rips the blade from the inspector’s body, letting it fall onto the carpeted floor.
you both stare at the freshly created crime scene, and you pinch the bridge of your nose, mostly just annoyed at having another crime on your hands.
“well, that is unfortunate.” mingyu sighs, after which you press your lips together, looking up at him.
“understatement of the year. did you have to stab him that quick?”
“sweetheart, he would’ve locked us both away if i didn’t.”
“i guess so.” locking the front door to ensure no one can enter, you cross your arms. “so. are we burning, burying or dumping him in a lake?”
mingyu stares at the body on the floor before locking eyes with you, and it’s like making a silent deal — that you’re in this mess together, and only together can you come out of it, as bloody and violent that road may turn out to be.
well, at the end of the day, you suppose your father was right about one little thing.
you and kim mingyu are, indeed, good together. just not in the exact way he imagined.
after all, love can exist even in the murderous heart.
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thanks for reading! let me know if you enjoyed it x
® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.
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021reid · 5 months
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Please ? | Spencer Reid
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summary: reader wants spencer to take her virginity.
CW: inexperienced!reader , shy-ish reader , reader gets came on , 18+ (if i’m missing anything lmk)
word count: 860 words
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you and spencer have been dating for 4 months now. the last four months have been filled with date nights every sunday (when he wasn’t away) and endless flirting and teasing no matter what was happening around you guys.
but you were craving more.
you and spencer have had heated makeouts and even a little dry humping every now and then but nothing ever came out of it.
so now here you were sitting on spencer’s bed with a nervous look on your face.
“spence..can we talk?” you start regretting your words when you see him sit up with a look of concern and fear on his face.
“did i do something wrong honey?” it’s almost as if you can hear the gears shifting in his mind and you quickly shake your head to make them shut up.
“no i just…why won’t you have sex with me?” you notice the deep breath he takes and relief in his eyes.
“are you ready for sex?” it was no secret to spencer that you were inexperienced and you probably would run away if he even tried to unbutton your pants.
“i think? i don’t know i’m just really horny and i can’t keep cumming from just your thighs.” a smile appears on his face and he grabs your waist sitting you on his lap and whispering in your ear.
“well how about we fix that then baby?” you hold back a whimper and pull him in for a kiss, slowly moving back and fourth on his lap.
“can i take these off?” he puts a finger on the waistband of your shorts and you nod your head. he unbuttons your pants and slides them off you with a little of your help.
he can’t tear his eyes away from your white lacy panties with small bows on the sides.
“you’re so beautiful baby” he rubs your cunt through your panties and you swear you could cum from just that alone.
“fuck..spence i need more.” you kiss him again this time tugging at the ends of his shirt and pulling it over his head. you move down to his pants and unbutton them, pausing when you feel his print.
spencer slides down his pants more and takes out his cock.
your jaw dropped.
he had to be atleast 8 and a half inches and you were even debating that.
“can that fit in me?” you say still shocked and stunned by his size.
“we can make it fit honey.” he tugs at your shirt and you shake your head. your not ready to be fully naked yet and he understands.
“lay down for me baby.” you move to the other side of his bed and rest your head on the nearest pillow. he kisses your thighs and makes his way up to your cunt, kissing all around it only making you grow wetter and wetter.
“please spence i can’t wait anymore.” he laughs at your eagerness and pulls down your panties. he stares at you in awe which makes you close your legs and push him slightly.
“stop staring at me like that..” he kisses your cheek and pulls your panties off.
“you’re so pretty sweetheart. every part of you.” he rubs your heat and you moan with every movement. he inserts his pointer finger and curls it which causes you to moan and arch your back.
“fuck..put another one in please.” he inserts his middle finger and waits for you to calm down before he starts moving them both at a slow pace. you’re a moaning mess and you’ve never wanted to come so bad.
“fuck if you keep doing that i’m gonna cum.” he laughs and takes out his fingers which causes you to pout.
“i don’t want you to come yet baby” he reaches over for a condom and puts it on.
“tell me if you wanna stop okay baby?” you nod and moan when you feel him rub his tip over your heat.
“fuck please just put it in.” he slowly inserts every inch into you moaning between each inch just from how warm your heat is. all that fills the room is your heavy breathing.
once he bottoms out he starts to move slowly. you moan with every thrust and your hands find their way to his long curly hair slightly tugging at it.
“go faster please, i can handle it.” his movements speed up and you can feel your orgasm approaching. the sounds of his quiet whimpers and your skin slapping against eachother becomes louder with every thrust.
“i’m so close y/n” his legs start to shake under you and his movements get faster causing you to let out a loud moan and your back to arch off the bed as your orgasm hits you.
not long after you feel spencer’s cock twitch inside you and his movements start to slow.
you both sit there for about 10 minutes trying to catch your breath.
“that was really good” you say, slurring your words. he smiles and pulls out of you slowly, handing you a bottle of water from the nightstand.
“i love you so much y/n.” he pampers your face in kisses and you both giggle until you both fall asleep, happy and inlove.
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i’m not good at writing smut so tell me how it is 🌚 don’t forget to check out my masterlist !
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babygorewhore · 1 month
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•Be good for me•
Cooper Adams x fem reader!
Requested by @horrorpiggy I gave it my own spin so I really hope you enjoy!!!!
A harmless crush on single father Cooper Adams wasn’t in your plan. But after being invited to a concert one Saturday afternoon, everything changes.
Warnings! Age gap! Cooper is 45 and reader is 25! Depicting anxiety and panic attack! Blacking out! Daddy kink! Oral!Fem receiving! Finger sucking! Unprotected sex! Choking! Size kink! Praise! Light ish degrading but not really? Slight hint of his second life at one point. Multiple orgasms! Barely proofread!
Spending a Saturday with a recently widowed father and his teen daughter wasn’t exactly your typical weekend. But if you were being honest with yourself, you’d seize any opportunity to spend time with Cooper.
It was just a crush. One that started out because he saved you and your parent’s life from a fire last year. He had effortlessly pulled you over his shoulder and hauled you out of the burning apartment while you were half unconscious.
It was inconvenient in many ways. One, he was twenty years older than you. Two, he had two children and three his wife had been brutally murdered a few months ago by the infamous serial killer the Butcher.
He seemed devastated. Not just for his own loss but the children. After he saved you from the fire, time had passed and you became an occasional babysitter for his son.
Obviously with a crush growing, you loved the times you’d see him but it felt wrong. At his wife’s funeral, his children hugged you and thanked you for being there.
Lady Raven was a popular artist that was constantly playing at his house. Your knees pressed together as you sat in the back of the car, watching Riley and Cooper interact.
You looked away when you caught him look at you through the rearview mirror.
“I just want to say; thanks again for coming with us. I know you’re busy with classes and your part time job. But it means a lot to us.” His deep voice sent shivers down your spine but you gave him a smile.
“Oh! No problem. Thank you for even inviting me.” You blushed as his dark eyes scanned over you as you all fell into silence while he parked.
It was a little difficult to keep up with him as you three jogged to the stadium and maneuvered around the growing crowd of people. It made you feel nervous to be in such tight spaces with others.
As time went by, you noticed Cooper growing more agitated and tense but he was trying to force positivity for Riley. Your heart started to accelerate as the music echoed. You cleared your throat as heat warmed you. The black shirt was extra long, reaching your knees covering your shorts.
Your vans squeaked as the light shifted to red and the cheering young girls screamed. The sounds throbbed in your ear as you rapidly blinked.
“Are you okay?” You gasped at the close proximity of Cooper. He was bending down closer to you with a concerned look on his handsome face.
“Yeah! I’m just a little nervous around crowds.” You force yourself to laugh but he doesn’t return the expression.
“You look like you’re about to collapse. Maybe we should find somewhere more relaxed.” You look at Riley, who was losing her mind and jumping around. You shook your head, feeling guilty.
“I couldn’t pull you away. She’s having so much fun.”
Cooper remained silent and you faced the stage again. Your body grew more tense as the minutes passed and your hands were shaking. Your mouth went dry as a few shoulders bumped into you as a guest artist walked through the aisle.
You tried to remain calm but the staff came and told you three that Riley would be the dream girl. She would be going on stage. You would have to go in front of everyone.
Your legs trembled as you followed them closely. The eyes on you made you feel even worse. The bright lights, your clothes suddenly felt too tight as you walked up the stairs. It took all your strength to remain standing as Riley finished the section of the concert with Lady Raven.
You jolted as a large hand came and settled across your forehead. Cooper’s head was tilted and he narrowed his eyes at you. “You’re burning up but you’re shivering. I think we need to find a place for you to sit down.”
Riley was walking towards you both when your eyesight finally faded.
You were pulled off your feet. You could feel what was going on but you weren’t able to open your eyes yet. Cooper was carrying you, his muscular arms encasing you against his chest. You came to as he sat you down in a chair. A few medical members were gawking at him as he knelt down, holding a compress to your face.
“You blacked out. You were having a panic attack and you were about to fall. Just stay still, okay?”
You don’t have the energy to speak yet but Cooper moves a stray hair out of your face and leans in closer. “You need something with calories. You haven’t eaten all day, I bet.” He gives you a knowing look.
“Is she your girlfriend?” One of the nurses ask and you feel sobered immediately. But to your surprise, Cooper doesn’t say no to her.
Instead he stands up, swiftly returning with a small box of juice.
He presses the straw to your lips and encourages you to take a sip. “Atta girl, good job. You’ll be feeling better in a few minutes. Glad I kept an eye on you, sugar.” The term made your pulse quicken.
“Is there any way we can get out of here quickly? I don’t think she needs a hospital but I do want to take her home.” Cooper asks the nurses and you faintly hear them tell him a way out peacefully.
“I don’t want to be a problem.” You whisper and Cooper clicks his tongue.
“Isn’t she the sweetest? Doesn’t want to cause trouble.” Cooper reaches down and sets a hand on your shoulder.
“I’m okay, I can stand now.” You insist but he cups your waist. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth as you feel his sweater pressed against you, his lips lingering next to your ear.
“Always so insistent. But you’re gonna let daddy help you. Aren’t you, little one?”
You could have melted right then and there. You almost sure you were fucking dreaming but the dangerous look in his eye was all too real. His graveled voice was alluring and made your core tighten.
You were speechless as he walked next to you still holding your torso. It was surreal.
“Why are there so many police officers?” Riley asked and Cooper shrugged.
“Nothing to worry about. We’re getting out of here. Can’t have another blackout, can we?”
“Please, I really don’t want to intrude further.” You pleaded as Cooper ushered you into the house.
“Shh, none of that. I insist. I’m not going to take a chance that you fall alone in your apartment. You’re going to stay here tonight. Besides, the kids love having you here.” He seemed electrified as he pressed his palm to your back.
“You’re going to eat something and then rest. It’s the least I can do since you help me all the time.”
You didn’t bring up the comment he made earlier but you did notice the way he had a hint of a smirk the entire evening. He seemed off on the ride home. The way he gripped the steering wheel made his arm quiver.
Cooper never showed a hint of anger. He was always patient. Sometimes silly with the kids but today there was something different.
Your body was covered by a blanket on the couch a few hours later. Riley and her brother were upstairs in bed. Cooper had disappeared a few minutes ago, promising to come back soon.
Unable to stay still anymore, you made your way to the spare bedroom and groaned. You didn’t have any clothes to sleep in and you rubbed your face with your hands.
“You always do that when you’re frustrated.” You shrieked and spun around.
Cooper stood in the doorway. His shoulders were tense, fingers curled into his fists and he closed the door behind him. His hair was smoothed back.
“You scared the fuck out of me.” You breathed.
“There’s not much I can do about that habit I’m afraid. Being able to walk quietly took some practice. How are you feeling?” He leaned against the wall and your gaze flickered over his face.
“I’m okay. I just want to apologize. I’m sorry if I made the concert stressful. Sometimes my anxiety gets out of control. I should have just found a way home. I didn’t mean to cause any extra stress-“ You rambled on and Cooper's lips quirked into a smile.
“You have nothing to apologize for. In fact, it worked out in a way. We didn’t have to go through the police. All thanks to you.” He took a step forward and your stare widened.
“Cooper. Are you alright?”
His movements continued until his shoes were against your bare feet. “I’ve never been better, sweetheart. I just want to ask you to do something to me.” He rolled his neck before his hands settled on your shoulders.
“I want you to be a good girl tonight. Can you be a good girl for me, little one? You're gonna let me take care of you?”
Your mouth parted and he took the opportunity to swipe his thumb across your lower lip.
“Don’t act surprised. I see the way you look at me. And I really would appreciate it if you didn’t lie about it, baby doll.” You gasped and he gently touched your tongue. Sticking his thumb further in your mouth.
Your lips gently wrapped around and sucked. His eyes fluttered and he removed his hand. Cooper took the opportunity to grab the back of your head, pulling you up and he crushed his lips to yours.
He tasted sweet as his tongue darted in and swept over your teeth. It wasn’t too much. His experience obvious by the age gap as he backed you against the bed. Coopers strength was surprising as he easily pressed you down on the mattress. He nibbled your lip before pulling away and peppered kisses along your jaw. Your legs looped around his waist and your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders.
“You gonna let me eat that pretty pussy?” He questioned against your skin and you whined. Cooper trailed his lips down your chest, stomach and finally his thick fingers pulled down your shorts. He sucked in a sharp breath as he admired your underwear.
“Anyone ever done this to you?” He toyed with the waistband and you cleared your throat.
“Not-not really. They didn’t put any effort.” You stuttered.
Cooper peeled off your panties, exposing your pulsing cunt and he didn’t waste any further time. He shoved his face against your pussy, making you throw your head back. His tongue kitten licked your clit and then flattened. He slowly dragged it down and shoved it inside you. The feeling was overwhelming as you turned your head to the side, trying to suppress loud noises that were desperate to escape you.
“This is what you get for being a good girl,” Cooper praised, his hands holding your thighs apart as he spit on your cunt. He sucked your center into his mouth, your hips rolling as he moaned against you.
“You taste so good. Can’t get enough. I’m gonna make you cum on my face.”
He applied more pressure and enthusiastically licked your wetness. His nose was firm against your pussy and your nipples were so hard they hurt.
“Daddy I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!” You managed and the uncoiling of your stomach sent a shock through your body. Your fingers sank into his hair, humping his jaw as Cooper continued to suck your clit.
It was overwhelming and he added to it by adding two fingers. He curled them deep and tears clouded your vision.
“Daddy-please-“ You whispered and he snarled. His enormous hands and brute strength aided his ability to effortlessly flip you over on your stomach.
Cooper pulled you to your knees, pushing your chest down so your ass was sticking in the air. He gave it a harsh slap and you heard his belt unbuckle. Your cunt was aching and cum smeared on your inner thighs. You felt the leather of the belt wrap around your throat but panic didn’t set in. It wasn’t tight enough to cause too much pain but it was pressure to keep you still.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you like this? Leashed like a god damn puppy? So eager to please me? I’m gonna fuck you until you can’t even see straight. You’re gonna be stuffed full of cum.” His filthy words made you groan.
Cooper ran the tip of his dick along your slit, his precum coating your clit. He pushed it into you and he held you up by the belt. Your body jerked as he thrusted his hips. You felt like splitting in the middle but all discomfort vanished as he toyed with your bud.
“I like seeing you fucking helpless. That’s my good girl. Taking my cock so well. Squeezing me so hard. Don’t worry, daddy’s not gonna pull out.” You rocked back into him in a harsh rhythm. He pounded into you almost anomalistically. His huge body caged you in and Cooper choking you only added to the pleasure.
“Cream on it. Fucking cream on my dick. I know you can.” He commanded and you cried as another orgasm neared.
“Tell me who’s in control, doll.” He ordered and you repeated the worse hoarsely.
Your second climax came and hit you like a storm. Cooper huffed and grunted as his cock twitched inside you and ropes of his cum sprayed your insides. It gave him more slip to fuck you through it.
He hauled you on his lap, letting go of the belt and he turned you to face him. Your thighs on either side as he set you on his dick. Cooper's eyes were black with lust as he palmed your tits.
“So greedy, keeping this pussy from me? You just fucking wait till I stop going easy on you. I have so much-so much I need to take out on you.” Your head lulled back as you bounced on his shaft.
Your hands balanced on his chest and your mouth hovered above his. “You feel so good,” You admitted and Cooper smiled hazily. His hands traveled and cupped the back of your ass. It would have normally embarrassed you that you weren’t able to last longer but it only a few minutes passed before another orgasm sent you over the edge.
“You look so god damn pretty. Even prettier than if you were-“ He jerked his jaw as you gently cupped his face. Cooper must have been surprised by your gentle display because he pressed a swift kiss to your palm.
“My sweet girl. Doing such a good job. I’m so proud of you for taking it,”
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Tagging @xxbimbobunnyxx @redhead1180 @horrorpiggy @stillwjk-channie-lixie @waywardtigersandwich @id-rather-be-in-middle-earth @agirlthatreadsfanfics @rubyfruitjungle @r0se20 @cherryinterlude @the-ghost-code @wildgirllz @nemesyaaa @redpillbluepill @dumbass-sappho-stan @velvrei @faelvz @nightwingfilm @sararuno @oceanblvd111 @mooneylou
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coquettepascal · 24 days
Text
like tiramisu
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summary: nothing beats summer vacation like a secret relationship with your dad's best friend, right? wrong! what really beats summer vacation is trying not do jump joel's bones every time you're alone.
tags: 18+, smut, fluff, beach fic, age gap (it's dbf!joel, imagine what you want), dbf!joel, misuse of sunscreen, semi-public activities (not sex), groping, massaging, reader has a dad and brother, overuse of the word pretty, nicknames like pretty___ and baby, oral sex (f!recieving), she/her pronouns for your pussy, joel gets blueballed, fluff, joel and reader are very much in love, established relationship, secret relationship, stereotypical oblivious reader's!dad, mention of food poisoning (nothing graphic), slight grumpy!joel, soft!dom joel (ish)
a/n: woo!! i did it :D this is my submission for @hellishjoel's hot dilf summer challenge (link to the masterlist.) i'm a big fan of their work so i'm just happy to participate. tysm for this opportunity!
(3.6k, not beta read.)
Every year you travel to the coast with your dad and brother, enjoying a week at the tail end of summer to really relax. This year, your brother got sick, and so Joel took his place.
Like Joel, your dad’s best friend. You know, the one that you slept with a month ago one night after everyone went to bed? Joel like kind-of-your-secret-boyfriend-Joel. Simple situation really, you don’t know why you nearly shit yourself when Joel was standing in your driveway dragging a suitcase behind him. 
But, as Joel does, he’s made this easy. It shouldn’t be easy to be separated from him, but it’s made the small moments you can get with him better. Besides, you still get to see him in his handsome glory, all tan and broad and…
The not-easy part is not jumping on him every time your dad turns around. 
“Why is this so much more expensive than ice cream?” Joel asks you, eyes squinted as he peers at the chalkboard that hangs above the gelato cooler.
The family in front of you orders and literally pays with a 50 dollar bill, still not getting anywhere near a justifiable amount of change back. Joel squints at the board harder and you smile up at him. He needs glasses, you’ve been telling him this whole trip. 
“Having trouble?” You ask teasingly. Joel’s head turns, face already scowling, but then the employee behind the counter is asking for your order before he can tear you a new one.
Joel is still scowling at you as he shells out 25 dollars for 2 “adult size” cones. 
“S’not necessary to spend this much money on vacation, darlin’, we’re already relaxed,” He grumbles as you walk out of the air conditioned business, back into the beachy heat outside. 
Innocently, you lick up a drip of the tiramisu flavored gelato that drips down the cone. Joel’s eyes narrow more, clearly not appreciative of your behavior so far today. His face eases up when he takes a bite out of his mango sherbet, cooling his flamed temper. 
Your hand snakes into his free one as you walk down the beach, back to where your things are. It’s a quieter day on the beach, luckily. The past week you’ve spent with your father and Joel has been a hectic race for who can find a good spot on the beach, who can find a good spot to sit and eat, and who can find a good spot where the three of you can be left the fuck alone. 
Today you’ve found a good spot, tucked away behind some larger rocks. It kind of looks like it could be dangerous to be there when the tide comes in, but it’s out far today. You’re fine, you’re with Joel, and most importantly, the two of you are alone. 
Your dad ate some bad shrimp last night at dinner and has a horrible case of food poisoning. He assured both of you that he’d be fine on his own, to go enjoy the sun. 
God knows you both will.
You hop over to the blanket you had laid out, cowering under the shade of the rainbow umbrella Joel had bought earlier in the week. He claimed it was so you wouldn’t get heatstroke, but you have a feeling it was more for the sake of his skin. 
As you kick off your sandals, Joel sits down beside you under the umbrella, slurping obnoxiously at the remnants of his mango cone. Most of yours is still intact, though a bit melty. It’s something to marvel at, how Joel can inhale any food of any temperature in the blink of an eye. But it makes up his soft tummy, the one you can rest your head on later when you want to soak up the sun. 
“Do you wanna try mine?” You ask, noting the hungry eyes he’s giving your gelato. He nods and so you lean over to him, extending the cone.
And just as he leans in to take a massive bite, you jerk your hand, smearing tiramisu gelato onto the tip of his nose. 
“Oh my fucking god,” he groans, pulling back, “that’s not fucking funny.” 
But it is funny. Seeing the white cream smudged on his nose, tangled in the bristles of his moustache. You can’t help but laugh at him. 
“That’s what you get for trying to chomp half of my treat!” You point out.
Joel’s head tilts at you, as if to say “really?” 
“Okay fine, I’ll fix it,” you huff. Passing your gelato to your free hand, you lean forward and suck the tip of his nose into your mouth, slurping off the remaining mess. 
Pulling back with a pop, you see Joel’s horrified face. 
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He groans, wiping your saliva off his face. 
Joel gives you a look, clearly expecting some sort of repayment for the ridiculous stunt you just pulled. Begrudgingly, you hand the rest of your cone to him, but only because you really should put on sunscreen.
The sun beats down on you as you lay against Joel’s chest and belly, his legs spread to make room for you. He’s wearing black board shorts that cut off around his mid-thigh, leaving more skin exposed. Joel didn’t wear these ones yesterday, or any day previous. It was just the same red shorts that went down to his knees. But today, he matches you and your black two piece. His thick thighs firmly frame you, keeping you in place. 
“You need to reapply your sunscreen, sweetheart,” Joel hums, blindly pawing the blanket for wherever you tossed the bottle earlier. 
Streams of sunlight bathe you where you sit, the sun no longer blocked by the rainbow umbrella Joel insisted on. You planned on tanning anyways, so you don’t mind as much as Joel seems to. He grabs the sunscreen and his sunglasses, tossing them on. 
Your chin is tucked to your chest, crunched as Joel leans over you more, opening the cap of the lotion. The liquid is so cold in comparison to the warm sun rays that blanket the two of you, a near-pained hiss escaping you.
“Don’t be a baby,” Joel grunts, working the sunscreen into your abdomen.
His hands work your soft flesh so gently, his calloused palms spreading the protective lotion carefully. Joel’s thumbs dig a little harder as he feels your hip bones beneath his hands, making you protest weakly. You know what he’s doing, taking this private opportunity for his own gain.
“Joel,” you warn whinily, squirming. 
His hands grasp you in place, holding you while the cords of muscle on his forearms pop. 
“I said don’t be a baby,” he repeats slower this time, his voice rumbling in your ear.
“We both know you’ve taken worse.”
Yeah. Yeah you do know that. It doesn’t shut you up anymore, whining as he reaches to massage your thighs, his hands slipping to your inner thighs fast. You can barely process his touch there before he’s sliding his hands back to a more appropriate spot, your arms. He’s keeping it PG for the most part at least. The nagging fear of your dad suddenly showing up despite his illness lives in the back of your mind. 
Joel massages your wrists and the palms of your hands, thumbs pushing the flesh soothingly as he murmurs in your ear about how soft you are, how perfect. 
He was keeping it PG, but he’s getting selfish now. The orange sun is painting your skin in a way that’s making it hard for him to think, and it’s been so long since he’s had you alone. Your eyes glaze over as he drips more lotion into his palms, rubbing it between them slowly. 
“Don’t wanna forget your chest, would hate for my pretty girl to burn,” is all the warning you get.
Joel’s arms loop beneath yours, his wet palms sliding up your abdomen and then beneath your swim top. Big hands envelope the starting swell of your breasts, coming upwards and smothering your sensitive skin in sunscreen. His name slips out again, choked and surprised, but this isn’t unwanted.
You miss Joel. Even as he’s been here with you for this whole week, you miss his kisses and his touch. Sleeping in the same room as him, but in separate beds, has been awful. To hear him snore without feeling the vibration of it on your own skin has been treacherous. 
So you’re letting him have this, because as much as you hunger for him, that man is ravenous.
His thumbs rub over your nipples, most of your top bunched up on his knuckles now. Joel’s voice is low in your ears, talking soft like you aren’t in total privacy on the beach. Everything is flying now, his mouth uncontrollable as he tells you how good you feel, how much he missed you. 
“So fuckin’ pretty, all week you’ve been so gorgeous, darlin,’” 
And then the kisses start. Hot down your neck, his scruffy face trails, tongue tracing the bitemarks he leaves occasionally. 
“Joel– Joel no marks,” you remind softly.
He obliges with a grunt, clearly unhappy with the situation. Sometimes he can get away with little marks, ones like on your inner thighs or your tits. But not here on a beach vacation, not so close to your dad. 
Joel continues to kiss you regardless, tilting your head so he can awkwardly meet your lips as he gropes you, massaging the lotion in as if the sun would ever hit any skin below your swimsuit. The atmosphere is only getting hotter as he touches you, the sun blazing against your skin as Joel rolls your nipples between his fingers, making you cry out.
You want more, you need more.
You can feel him hard against you, slightly digging into your back. Sex on the beach is a terrible idea. Public indecency, sand in places it shouldn’t be… but it’s so tempting when you feel how badly he wants you, how badly he missed you. 
Desperately, you turn in his embrace, his hands slipping out of your top, leaving you exposed. You shove your face against his hungrily, feeling as his sunscreen greased hand cups your jaw, gentle even when he’s starving. You open for him easily, letting his hungry tongue taste where he wants. He tastes like waffle cones and tiramisu, you want to lick him clean. You breathe heavily when he slips off your mouth and kisses the side of your face.
“S’a good girl, lettin’ me miss her,” he says into your skin.
Your mouth feels rubbed raw, your nipples are buzzing, and the sun blazes across your back. Everywhere feels warm, his lips, his tongue, your skin, your cunt in these bikini bottoms that stick to you in the worst way. You want Joel’s fingers, spreading you open however he wants. 
Joel is so good at taking care of you, so good that he can hear the rambunctious group of people coming before you can. Hands tug down your top and flip you back around before you can realize.
“You’re alright, s’okay, just some people,” Joel says, sounding anxious himself. 
Just some people. Not anyone you know, just some people.
The two of you quickly switch back to how youwere, your head on his chest while you rest between his thighs. One of his hands rests on your abdomen as he squeezes you affectionately between his legs. It’s really frustrating, watching as the group of people sets up not too far down from the both of you. So much for your private spot on the beach, and potential sex. 
He shifts beneath you, the bulge in his swim shorts uncomfortable. Joel has settled for rubbing his thumb against the smooth skin of your tummy, catching his breath still. 
“You can sleep, baby. Jus’ enjoy the sun, okay?”
The last thing on your mind is sleep, you’re more focused on the conch shell in his pants, but whatever. The sun is warm, and you’re with Joel. His hand stills on your belly, a warm weight in an attempt to soothe you.
-
It works, you fall asleep as the sun sets, and wake up when the cool night air shivers past you. Joel has managed to snake out from under you, using an unused beach towel to make a pillow for you. He’s packed everything up, sans the towel pillow and the blanket you lay on. Everything is ready to go, he’s just been waiting for you.
You watch from where you lay, as he dips his toes in the water. His broad shoulders are covered by a white, linen, shirt, highlighting him across the shore. Something about this is so right, to be on vacation with him, to be taken care of by him. Laying back, eyes staring into the inky night, you wonder what would have happened if the two of you hadn’t stayed up late that night, chatting and flirting. How long would you have gone without feeling loved, and like you belonged? 
Being Joel’s girl is more than that, even if no one knows you’re his, you have come to know yourself through him. His hands brushed away the sands that blurred your eyes, you’re seeing clearly for what feels like the first time ever.
Your love for him crashes down on you hard when he turns, walking back to you with a soft, dorky, smile. That’s your man, that’s your stupid old man, and he loves you.
“You ready t’go, darlin?” Joel asks, clearly relieved you eventually woke up.
With a nod, you walk as a pair back to the hotel. Joel insists on carrying everything, claiming he “don’t need” your help, even as he grunts.
-
Entering  the lobby of the hotel is a reminder that you have to be normal again, you and Joel are just getting along swell, and not seriously infatuated with one another.
His eyes bear into you when you step into the elevator, you can feel his eyes on your back as you press the button for your floor.
“What?” You ask, stepping back to lean against the railing.
Joel’s mouth seems to be dry as he responds, eyes tracing something on your stomach.
“Your tummy,” he manages.
You look down instantly, concerned you’ve managed a sunburn despite Joel’s efforts. Instead though, you find a tan line. A tan line in the shape of Joel’s hand, where it rested as you slept. Ghosts of Joel’s lips and teeth on your neck from earlier murmur across your skin, misting tingles across your shoulders and chest. He wanted to mark you so badly, wanted to sink his teeth into you the way he should have been able to, despite your refusal. Now he has his mark, across your tummy in the shape of his hands, the ones that carefully nurture you. 
You can see how it’s making him tick, how his scruffy jaw is clenched as his eyes are entranced by the shape on your belly. He has to spend the rest of the evening, the last couple of days of this trip, with his mark on you. Joel has to do all of that and not jump onto you at every opportunity he can.
“Baby,” Joel breathes, but the elevator doors open, and your dad is right there.
Your arms instantly wrap around your middle, trying to hide away the Joel-hand shaped tan line. As sick as your dad was this morning, he’s looking miles better. There’s colour in his cheeks, that isn’t green, and he’s standing up.
“Hey kid,” he greets cheerfully, “I’m feelin’ a helluva lot better so I was gonna go out and grab a bite to eat.”
The elevator is so quiet, the doors try to shut and Joel slams a hand against it, to keep it open. Your dad looks a little weirded out, but just smiles. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” you manage to say, sounding like your lungs have been cut out of your chest.
In the few months that you and Joel have been “together” you haven’t been caught, or even close to being caught. This tan line on your tummy could have been the cat out of the bag, but thankfully your dad seems oblivious.
He steps into the elevator between you two, gently nodding at the elevator doors.
“Y’all gettin’ out? Both of y’look kinda sunfried,” your dad asks.
Joel manages to respond this time as the two of you hurriedly leave the confined space. -
He practically dragged you down the hallway and back to your room once the elevator doors shut, leaving your dad in the dark. Joel dumped all your stuff on the floor near the door, pushing you off him when you tried to kiss at him.
“Naw. Bed,” he had grumbled, making a vague gesture to your bed.
You both knew you had limited time, your dad would be gone for an hour tops. Joel had peeled off his shirt while you shimmied out of what little clothes you had on, your swimsuit coverup falling away easily.
Now, you lay on your back, and if you could look down, you would see the sweat that’s soaking his back and the mess of hair on his head.
But you can’t look down, you can barely move as is. Your legs, which are tossed over his shoulders, shiver, toes curled. You want to ask if he can breathe down there, but your voice keeps catching, repeating his name again and again. The bristles of his facial hair might be chafing, but everything is wet right now, your cunt, his face, your thighs. He’s suffocating in your flesh, opening his mouth to sloppily make out with your pussy, licking at your clit as he sucks it between his lips. It isn’t gentle, he’s fucking famished.
“Joel– Baby, please,” you manage to whimper. 
He probably can’t hear you with the headlock you’ve put him in, soft thighs trapping his ears. Joel’s face slides down further to push his tongue into you, making you clench and gush as his nose presses to your clit. Reaching your hand down, you lace your fingers against his curls, trying to pry him away, but he just won’t quit. Your fingers slip from his sweaty strands, slamming onto the sheets as he doesn’t let up.
“Missed you, missed her,” he rasps between kisses. 
Joel loves this, loves pleasing you. This isn’t submission, this is worship. He talks to your cunt like he knows her, like he’s dating her too. Gentle as he is, he knows where your aches and cricks are, knows how to massage them with his fingers and tongue. Joel takes care of you both, it’s what he lives for. 
“I know, I can feel it, I missed you too,” you babble, hands flagrant between his hair and the sheets.
He laughs softly into you, smiling. You tug him closer, grinding onto his nose as a tease. 
Joel focuses on bringing himself closer, arms snaking up beneath your ass to curl his hands around your thighs, fingers digging in as he pulls you closer. “Been so patient all week, need you t’come for me, please pretty thing?” He groans.
Nodding your head, you start to work with him. Again and again you roll your hips into his face. The two of you are fucking on borrowed time and Joel hastily promises you that he can take care of himself in the shower later, that he just needs to focus on you.
“Just need to taste you, remember your cunt in my mouth, please?” Joel asks.
You nod even faster now, huffing out air as your hips rise and he pulls you closer, tongue and teeth and nose buried in you. Every movement he makes begs for your release, begs for you to give him what he wants. His voice rumbles around your head, a voice encouraging this selfish feeling of pleasure.
“C’mon darlin, I’ve been waitin’ all week to have you. Let go for me, I’ve been patient.”
It sends you over, the mixture of Joel getting pussydrunk on you and the thoughts of him in your head. Your thighs lock around his head even harder, and he powers through without taking a breath for himself. Thoughts of times with him previous flash through your mind as you shiver, thoughts of what he’ll do to you once you’re both home make you gush. He laps it all up, his reward for being patient. 
When he pulls away, your essence is all over his face. Slicked through his facial hair and even on the tip of his nose, like tiramisu gelato. 
Unlike the gelato, you decide not to suck this cream off his nose.
Gently, you swipe a finger over his nose, cleaning it off with your own tongue.
“Thank you, baby,” you hum.
Joel manages to drag himself up your body, caging you beneath him while he smiles. Soft kisses are shared between the two of you, enjoying the peaceful moment where you’re finally, truly, alone. His moustache prickles your upper lip as he smiles and pulls away.
“Can give me your ‘thank you’s’ in a few days time, sweet girl.” He says, pulling himself down to kiss the 5 fingertips of the hand tan line he left.
Looking down at him as he kisses your belly, you hope you'll be exchanging thank you's for a very long time.
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exitpursuedbyavulcan · 3 months
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What is Broken IV (Aemond Targaryen x Pregnant Wife!Reader) FINALE
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The war, the "Dance of the Dragons," as they have come to call it, is over. And yet, you are not celebrating. You have just learned that your husband, Prince Aemond, spent the last months of the war with another woman in his bed. Not only that, but his mistress is pregnant. Just like you...
Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader (third person, no use of Y/N), side Aemond Targaryen x Alys Rivers
Warnings: traumatic childbirth, blood, semi-suicidal thoughts, Aemond is fantasizing about murder again, all the angst
Point of View: Limited third person omniscient
Author's Note: I don't understand why, but thanks so much for all the support I've gotten from this horribly angsty fic! This is my first go at angst so I really appreciate it. I'm gonna work on two happy-ish fic chapters before I get started on When It Breaks, but it's coming...
And a huge, enourmous thanks to @ewanmitchellcrumbs and @ripdragonbeans for being my betas for this! I was so anxious about getting this absolutely right and they were so kind and encouraging. Love yall forever 💜💜💜
Taglist is done via reblogs
Series Masterlist
What is Broken
She was so light, his ābrazȳrītsos.
Even while carrying their children – their sons – Aemond swore she was lighter than when he left. He held her close to his chest, her head resting on his shoulder and her legs draped over his forearm. With every step, he could feel more of the liquid that had spilled from her womb - now mixed with small, hateful tendrils of blood -  dampening his sleeve.
Gods, how much blood had he seen in the past year? How much had he spilled himself? There had even been times when he reveled in its metallic tang. But the sight of her blood was nothing less than abhorrent.
He ran faster, until he could not make out the faces of those he passed, shouting for a Maester to be sent to their chambers immediately. One of them must be a servant. With luck, the Maester would already be there when they arrived.
She cried out as he began to ascend the stairs, wincing with each step, her weak grip on him tightening. “It hurts, Aemond.”
“I know, my love.” He slowed down, though his pounding heart urged him to do just the opposite. “I’m so sorry. The maester will be here soon, and he’ll help you feel better, hmm?”
“He has to stop it. It’s too early,” her voice cracked, and Aemond’s heart with it. “They’re not ready!”
But it couldn’t be stopped, not by man or gods. Their children would be born today. The only question was whether they would survive. If their mother would survive. Her poor body was so weak, and her heart… he had broken that, too.
If any of them died today, that blood would be on his hands, and he would gladly accept his damnation to the worst of the seven hells.
“Come now,” he chided gently as they reached the corridor to their chambers. “Our sons are dragons – they will be strong. And so will you, ābrazȳrītsos.”
“Sons?�� She lifted her head, her entire body trembling with the effort it took. Her eyes – those beautiful eyes now gilded by the setting sun outside the windows – locked with his. “How… you sound so sure.”
Just one more lie. One more, and then he would never lie to her again.
Besides, this lie was small, nearly inconsequential. Many fathers insisted that their children would be sons until the child itself proved them wrong. It would be so easy for her to believe. The truth would hurt her – perhaps weaken her further. Aemond did not want her to hear Alys’ name. She should never have to even think of that witch ever again.
But he could not bring himself to do it. He could not sully the birth of his sons with yet another lie. He pushed their door open with a shoulder, never breaking her gaze. “Alys told me after you left. Before… she had a vision of us holding our sons. I’m so sorry, love.”
She slumped again, her face dropping into the curve of his neck. Once, she kissed him there, slept with her head tucked there. Now, it was simply where her head lolled. “I’m glad it’s sons. You’ll have two heirs…”
Her words were cut short by a gasp of pain, but Aemond heard it clearly. It echoed in his very bones. So if I live, you’ll have no more need of me. The gods had just crumbled the ground beneath him, his heart and soul with it. He was falling, falling, falling…
“I am glad, too.” He set her down gently in the bed, brushing away several tangles of hair stuck to her sweaty brow before arranging the pillows around her, hoping he was adequately managing to hide his devastation. For he could not bear to be without her, could not bear to love her only from a distance. He would go mad. Yet he would happily accept that horrible fate if it meant he would not lose her to the Stranger. “Mother will be, as well.”
“Mother!” She tried to rise, but he held her softly to the bed. “I can’t do this without Mother, Aemond. We must return home immediately!”
“I am afraid that is not an option, Princess.” Maester Artos stood just within the doorway, maids and Septas streaming in behind him. He was a mountain of a man, better suited to the battlefield than the birthing bed. But he was good at what he did – very good. Aemond had seen him work miracles on men who should have never survived their injuries.
The moment the women began attending to his wife, he approached the Maester, speaking quietly so as not to frighten her. “Something is wrong, Artos, she is bleeding. And she’s very weak.”
Artos hardly acknowledged him, looking only at the princess lying in the bed. “The blood is not the problem. She is distressed and too thin.” He stated, as cold and clinical as all other Maesters.
“Yes, I know that already.” Aemond took a shaky, calming breath. He did not like the way Artos observed her, as if she was a thing to be studied rather than a woman – a princess. Perhaps when it was all over, he’d kill the man for it. “I fear she is not strong enough to survive this.”
She cried out behind them. Two maids were pressing damp cloths to her forehead. Another was hastily braiding her hair back. A Septa had begun cutting away her dress, leaving her only in her chemise as two more maids removed her slippers and stockings. Two other Septas knelt by the windows, praying, while one woman who seemed to be neither maid nor Septa laid metal and wood instruments atop a tall, thin table.
It took every ounce of Aemond’s self-control not to go to her. To shove away each woman because it should be him – and him alone – to touch his wife while she was so vulnerable. He should be the one to protect her, but he couldn’t. He could only hurt her, it seemed.
“Artos!” Aemond hissed.
“Is her spirit weak as well?” There was suspicion in his dark eyes. The same he’d shown when he confirmed Alys was carrying a child. If he hadn’t been so proficient a healer, Aemond might have killed him then.
But for now, Aemond was glad Artos was alive. He swallowed, avoiding looking back at the bed as his wife continued to whimper and moan. “Yes.” The maester just hummed before approaching the bed. Aemond followed, kneeling at the bedside, the maids immediately clearing away.
“This is Maester Artos, ābrazȳrītsos.” She stared wide-eyed at the hulking mass of the man who now knelt between her legs. Aemond tugged on her hand, her gaze snapping back to him. “I know him well. He’s going to take very good care of you, I promise.”
She shuddered, her eyes closed tight as she squeezed Aemond’s hand so hard he had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out. He delighted in it. She was not as weak as he thought, thank the gods. If she needed to break every bone in his hand – in his body – to live through this, he would let her do so without complaint.
“Are you going to stay with me?” she asked, her voice already ravaged by screaming.
Aemond blinked. When they first learned they were to have a child, he swore he would. But now, it seemed impossible for her to want him there. Not after what he’d done. “Do you… want me to stay?”
She opened her mouth, but nothing came out but another moan of pain. Her eyes darted all over his face. The longer she stayed silent, the further Aemond’s stomach dropped, and his heart ached.
“I believe it wise to have the prince wait outside,” Artos said decisively.
Aemond felt her hand slide out of his, the sensation the same as if he were falling from Vhagar’s back—her answer.
He nodded, and though he knew he shouldn’t, he leaned over her and kissed her forehead, trailing a hand down her cheek. “I love you.”
As he walked to the door, he still held a little shred of hope in his heart, waiting to hear her say it back.
It never came.
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The moment the door shut behind Aemond, she regretted sending him away. She wanted to call him back so she wouldn’t be alone with so many strangers. But panic began to set in as the maids pulled her gently down the bed, and her voice failed her.
“It won’t be long now, princess,” the maester said, but she found no comfort in it. She couldn’t even remember his name. Alton? Alyn? Amos? Aemond had said he trusted him, but…
But that meant he had been here when Aemond was with Alys. And that glint of pity in his eyes, not just for her conditions, but for what he knew. He knew. Seven Hells, he’d probably been the one to care for Alys and her pregnancy.
Alys. Alys, Alys, fucking Alys!
She did not know what to think of the woman who had stolen so much from her. Had she stolen it, or had Aemond given it? She could hardly make sense of what she’d learned in that dreary little room.
Alys was not the evil, scheming witch she had first imagined. But neither was she innocent in the affair, not wholly. She was not remorseful for her actions, but she apologized for hurting her. She had been kind.
Blinding pain shot through her, and she screamed. Wordless and desperate, her only outlet for release. She needed to scream, needed to roar, needed to breathe fire. Anything to distract from this. Gods, she even wished for a moment for Alys to be there, holding her hand. At least then, she could return some of that pain.
“Princess,” the maester said, though he sounded far away. Though it was more likely that her shouting was drowning him out. “Very soon, I will ask that you push. Do you know how, your highness?”
Push. That’s what the septas had instructed Helaena to do at the birth of her twins and for Maelor. She even had vague memories of the word from when she peeked through the open door to her mother’s chambers when Daeron was born. But what it meant and how to do it?
Her confusion must have been apparent, for the maester continued. His voice was frustratingly calm and steady. “It is fine if you do not, princess. You must simply follow your instincts. When you feel the urge, push the child outward with all your might.”
“I have no might.” She heard herself laughing through tears and only then realized she was crying. Someone took her hand – she didn’t know who. But the feeling of another’s skin on hers was heavenly.
“You have carried these babes for months,” the maester – Artos! that was his name – said gently, “while your husband and the realm were at war. In my estimation, you are the mightiest woman in Westeros.”
She felt nearly every muscle she had tense, turning her answering grateful smile into a grimace. The mightiest woman in Westeros would not have weathered her pregnancy as well as a paper boat in a storm. The mightiest woman in Westeros would not still love her husband after he betrayed her. The mightiest woman in Westeros would not have let her emotions weaken her or put her children’s lives in danger.
She was far from the mightiest woman in Westeros, and she could not do this. She wasn’t strong enough. She was only a weak and broken little girl.
A maid approached, a fresh cool, damp cloth in her hands. The princess had not looked at any of their faces, too absorbed in her pain and panic. But now, she caught the eyes of this girl—deep, rich brown, so similar to her own – to her mother’s.
“I want my mother,” she whispered to the maid, even knowing it was impossible. “I can’t do this without her.”
The maid gaped at her as if she could not fathom a princess ever speaking to her. She looked to her companions for guidance, but the princess only looked into the maid’s eyes and thought of her mother—the scent of the rosemary oil she used in her hair, the warmth of her embrace, and the soothing tones of her voice.
“Please, I want my mother,” she begged. A new surge of pain gripped her, radiating into her legs. They were coming faster now; she barely had time to breathe between each wave. “Please.”
“I’m so sorry, Your Highness.” The maid’s voice was high and breathy, nothing like her mother’s. “The queen is not here.”
She cried, turning away from those false eyes. She was alone – entirely and utterly alone.
“Princess, I need you to be strong now.” Artos’ sweaty brow was furrowed with half a dozen creases, his eyes wide and mouth a firm line. He looked more like a commander on a battlefield than a maester. The Grand Maester would have smiled at her, but he was not here, either. “Your labors are progressing quickly. It is nearly time to push.”
“I don’t know how,” she cried. She refused to open her eyes. If she kept them closed, she could almost imagine she was home.
Artos wrapped his hands around her ankles, pushing them upwards and further apart. “You do, princess. The Mother wove the knowledge into your body. Listen to it, and all will be well.”
“I – ”
Her next scream rattled the room, the keep, the entirety of the Riverlands.
Fire, ice, steel, and claw seemed to rake down her spine to her thighs. But Artos was right; her body reacted to the pain, her muscles moving near-unconsciously to force the babe out of her womb. She followed the instinct, pushing it harder, harder, harder.
“Very good, princess!” Was that Artos or Orwyle? She couldn’t tell anymore.
It was never-ending.
Pain, pushing, and a brief moment of reprieve.
Again.
Again.
Again.
It lasted hours, days, perhaps even years.
Was a child – a son – even worth this pain? How could she love someone who had tortured her so? Would she ever be able to look at him without remembering how she suffered?
Pain.
Pain.
PAIN.
Then –
“Stop, princess!”
She went limp, vaguely beginning to feel other sensations creep in: the coolness of the water on her forehead, the slight scratching of the sheets beneath her, and the hushed whispers of the maids and midwives.
The pain was still there, but softer. Less insistent.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice nearly unrecognizable, even to her.
Artos emerged from between her legs, relief painted over his harsh face. “Nothing is wrong, princess. It is simply time to be gentle and allow your body to do its work.” He smiled, chuckling under his breath. “I can see your babe’s white hair – quite a bit of it.”
Laughter bubbled up in her throat. Deep, joyous laughter. Another slight wave of pain passed through her, but she didn’t care at all. She was thinking about her niece and nephew, how Jaehaerys was born with nearly a full mane of silver frizz while Jaehaera had not a single hair on her head until she was over a year old. “He has hair?”
“Yes, although I do not know yet whether it is a boy, princess.”
“It is. He is.”
There was one more brief surge of pain, and then she heard her son cry.
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It was torture to wait outside while his ābrazȳrītsos screamed with pain. At first, Aemond stood leaning against the wall, as Aegon did when Helaena began her labors, but his knees failed him when he heard a scream that rattled the world.
He’d been on the floor since, resisting the urge to cover his ears. But he had caused her this pain, so he must listen.
He would be in that room with her if he hadn’t been a weak, damnable fool. He would have held her hand, letting her release her pain onto him. She had only squeezed his hand once, yet he still felt the ghost of her touch on his skin. He would savor that pain for the rest of his life.
It seemed to be never-ending, the torture his son was inflicting upon her. How could he ever forgive the child for doing this to his own mother?
Then, it stopped.
Aemond leaped to his feet, panic infecting his blood like a disease. Why had she gone quiet? What was wrong? Was she dead? He couldn’t face –
A babe cried—his first cry, with his first breath.
Their son.
He tried to push the door open, but it was locked.
“Let me in!” he shouted, pounding his fist on the door. “Artos, let me in!”
There was no answer, but he could hear soft voices inside. None sounded like hers. Oh gods, had she brought their son into the world at the cost of her own life?
Aemond slammed himself against the door again and again, not caring for the damage he was doing to his own body. “Open the door now, Artos!”
He threw himself against the wood again and again. At some point, it had to yield. Either it would, or his body would.
It opened just before he launched himself at it again—not all the way, but it was open. Then, Artos stared at him through the gap with his hateful, disapproving gaze.
“Let me in,” he growled. Trying to force the door open was useless, as the maester was practically a giant and, apparently, throwing all his strength into holding it closed. “If you don’t let me see my wife, I swear I’ll – ”
“Your wife has not finished her labors yet, my prince.” Damn him, the mountainous bastard. “But I am pleased to inform you that she has borne you a son.”
Though he knew it was to be a son, the words still shot through him. A son. His son. Their son.
“Is he healthy? Is she?” There was no more fight in his voice. The warrior prince had vanished, replaced only by the husband and father. By all the gods, he was a father.
Artos nodded. “The boy is small but healthy. Your maester may have miscalculated the date of conception. He is remarkably healthy for being born so early.”
“And my wife?”
“She is tired, but well. The second babe is not quite ready to emerge, so she is resting.”
The weight of all the world was lifted from his shoulders. He felt like the little boy he had once been on Driftmark, wanting nothing more than to see his zaldrīzītsos and take comfort in her embrace. “May I see her? Please.”
“I’m afraid not, my prince.” Artos at least had the decency to sound genuinely apologetic. “She needs this rest. With the first birth, she was wonderfully strong, more than I could have ever imagined. But I fear she has depleted her strength. She fell asleep the moment it was done.”
“Is… is it bad that she fell asleep?”
Artos sighed, his eyes turning to the floor. “Ordinarily, no, but with how thin she is, how weak… it worries me.”
No. No, no, no. “Is there anything you can do? To help strengthen her?”
“I am afraid not, my prince.”
“Well, do something. Do whatever you can.”
A soft moan came from behind the door. Ābrazȳrītsos. Aemond pushed against the door, opening it as far as he could to try and catch the barest glimpse of her.
Her eyes were nearly closed, her reddened cheeks making them appear as dark as night. Her chemise was soaked through with sweat and whatever other fluids came out with their child. But no blood beyond what he already knew to be there.
“Ābrazȳrītsos! I’m here!” He shouted. It took a moment for her to look his way. He could have sworn she smiled. “I’m with you! You must be strong, my love. I know you can be. I love you! I love you so much, ñuha zaldrīzītsos!”
Artos pushed against the door, forcing Aemond back. “That is enough, my prince. Upsetting her will only drain her strength.”
Aemond knew it was true, that his presence would likely upset her rather than comfort her. So, he stopped resisting and allowed the maester to close the door. Just before it closed, he whispered one final command, “Take care of her, Artos. She is my world.”
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The pain returned, worse than before. The lightning crept down her spine again, but it was now accompanied by a great force set on tearing her body apart at the seams. Pushing brought no relief, nor did it seem to move her son any closer to the world.
Artos came to her bedside, resting the back of his hand against her brow.
 “It’s worse this time,” she confided in the maester when it finally ebbed. “It’s so much worse. Why?”
He sighed and sat on the bedside, his massive hand nearly eclipsing her head as he stroked her hair. It made her feel remarkably like a kitten. “I cannot say, princess. There are many possibilities. This child could be larger, in a slightly different position, or…” He hesitated. “As I said, there are too many possibilities for me to be sure.”
His pause unsettled her, but it soon faded away when another wave went through her. “Is he nearly ready? I can’t do this much longer.” At least she knew what to do this time, so surely it would be better.
“Ah, another son, is it?” Artos stood from the bed to examine her spread legs. Several maids gently moved her to replace the sheets beneath her. “Not yet, but soon. Your motherly instincts will tell you when.”
Motherly instincts. Gods, she was a mother now. There was a child on the other side of the room that she had given birth to, that she had grown within her. A son who would depend on her for his entire life. Her, and his father.
Aemond would be a good father, she knew, even if he were decidedly lacking as a husband. But as a father, he would be attentive, kind, and loving. He would give their sons all the love he was denied by their own father.
They would not repeat the mistakes of the past. They would love their sons. They would not ignore them, speaking to them only to scold them. They would teach them the language of their ancestors themselves instead of relying on tutors. As soon as they were old enough, they would teach them how to be compassionate and fair rulers. They would not force them to marry for political advantage or the continuation of the bloodline but let them fall in love, as they had.
She could see them now. Both with white hair and unruly curls. Bright lilac eyes. The elder would take after her, but with Aemond’s determination. The younger would take after their father but with her gentle temperament.
As if the vision was summoning her second son, she felt her body constricting, muscles tightening. Without fear, she began to push.
“Princess, stop!”
Artos screamed as if someone was holding a sword to his throat, desperate and panicked. His eyes were wide and bulging as he looked from her face to where her second son should be emerging. “You mustn’t push now, princess. Not once. I…”
He stood, pulling one of the Septas aside. Others followed, and their frantic, poorly hushed whispers grew louder. She knew the sight should frighten her, but she forced herself to remain calm. Aemond said he trusted this man and had seen him work miracles. Whatever was wrong, Artos would fix it.
She was sure.
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Artos burst out of the door without warning. Aemond pushed away from the wall. “Is it over?”
The maester sighed.
Shit. Seven Hells and all the Gods.
“Your wife is strong, my prince,” he began. Holy gods, he sounded as if he would cry. “Enough so that I would have little doubt that she could deliver your second child, but…”
“What’s wrong?” Aemond felt his heart race, his blood surge, his finger twitching for his sword. He was going into battle, but this was not a battle he could fight with steel or fire. This was not a battle he could fight at all. “Artos?”
“The babe is not in the right position.” He moved his hands as if it would somehow make Aemond understand what he was saying.
“What does that mean?”
“It means that the babe cannot be born, your highness.”
No. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything she had suffered and survived.
“If she were to continue her labors, neither she nor the child would live.” Artos put a hand on his shoulder, an attempt at comfort. “I can save only one. Who survives… that is your decision, my prince.”
The gods were cruel to force this upon him – the very choice that had damned their family decades ago when Viserys chose to sacrifice his wife and queen for the chance at a son. That was where the seeds of destruction had been sown.
Aemond could not repeat the mistakes of the past. He would not be like his father. He had his son and heir. A second would be preferred, but not at the cost of his ābrazȳrītsos.
His ābrazȳrītsos, whose heart would break to lose her son. Who would never forgive him if he decided to –
He couldn’t choose. He couldn’t let her die, and he couldn’t let their son die.
He couldn't live without her, and he couldn’t take away her will to live.
He tore himself out of Artos’ grasp and stormed into the room.
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Aemond threw open the door, his eyes wide and wet, and suddenly, she was not so sure that Maester Artos would fix whatever was wrong.
He ran to the bed, not sparing a glance at their new son. She burst into sobs the moment he took her in his arms. “Oh, ābrazȳrītsos,” he whispered into her hair as he kissed her temples. She entwined her fingers with his, desperately squeezing. “I’m here now. Everything is going to be fine.”
Liar. Sweet Liar. Beloved Liar.
“I want Mother. I want Helaena.” Her voice crackled with tears and exhaustion. Everything hurt. Someone – most likely her – was crying, though it sounded distant. And if Aemond was here, not waiting outside…
If Aemond was here, holding her hand and stroking her hair, it meant something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
“Mother is not here right now,” he said, squeezing her hand tighter. He wouldn’t look at her, wouldn’t meet her gaze. “And Helaena… she can’t be here. I’m so sorry.”
“She told me she would hold my hand like I did for her. She promised!”
“I know. I know, my love, but it is not possible.”
Because Helaena was dead. So were Daeron, and Jaehaerys, and Jaehaera, and Maelor, and Otto, and Ser Criston, and nearly every other person she loved. Aegon would be dead soon, too, then she would only have her mother and her husband.
Her mother, who had begged her to forgive the husband who betrayed her and broken her heart.
“I can’t do this alone, Aemond. I can’t.”
“You can, I know it. You are so strong, dearest.” Yet there was no confidence in his voice.
She wanted to scream. She wanted to tear his hair out just to make him hurt, too. “I can’t! I’ll die if you make me, Aemond, I know it. I know something is wrong. Please, tell me.”
He pursed his lips, eyes narrowed. “My love, I…” his voice faded, leaving them in total silence, save for that distant crying.
Then, he kissed her—not the soft kisses on the temple or head of the past fortnight, but the way he had kissed her when he said goodbye all those months ago. His lips slotted against hers perfectly, and she opened for him on instinct. She knew she should stop, push him away, and scold him, but she couldn’t.
Everything felt wrong—her entire body felt wrong. But this, kissing Aemond, felt right. Her desperation for comfort far overpowered her anger and resentment. Her trembling hand rested on his shoulder, her fingers bunching in his shirt. She pulled him closer, wanting more—more rightness, more connection, more feeling.
More Aemond.
But he pulled away, resting his brow against hers as she chased his lips again. He placed a hand on either side of her face, holding her still. “I’m going to fix this,” he rasped, his voice shredded by fear and desperation. “I will fix this, I swear.”
Then, he let go.
He stood from the bed and turned away from his wife.
He was leaving. He was fucking leaving her.
She screamed his name, cursed him, begged him to come back, hurled insults, and cried for him. He couldn’t do this to her, not after everything he’d already done.
This was not love. The heat that burned in her chest was not love.
It was hate.
For the first time in her life, she truly hated Aemond.
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“Alys!” Aemond bellowed as he descended the stairs to the servant’s quarters, taking the steps two, three at a time. No one dared approach him. Not even Artos had tried to stop him as he ran away from his ābrazȳrītsos.
She may hate him forever for this, for leaving her when she was so weak and scared.
Fine. It would be worth it.
“ALYS!” The door snapped from its upper hinge as he tore it open. The witch was precisely where she’d been when Aemond left, her hand on her chin as she looked into the fire. What vile hell did she see in her visions now? “Alys!”
“I heard you, Aemond.” She did not look at him, only staring at the flames, those green eyes flitting around as if she were reading a book. “The entire continent heard you.” There was no humor in her voice, no hint of a smile on her face.
He swallowed, panting. He was crying – weeping like a little boy. That didn’t matter now. Very little mattered now.
Aemond fell to his knees before the witch with whom he had destroyed his life. He would do whatever she asked, destroy what little was left of his pride if necessary. “I need your help, Alys. Please.”
“She’s dying?”
“Yes. The maester said I had to… that I had to choose who to save.”
“And you can’t choose between her and the child.”
 “No, I – ” he swallowed as his voice shattered. He was going to vomit. “I can’t, Alys. I can’t. Please.”
“What is it, exactly, that you want me to do?” She was colder than the Wall, than the entirety of the lands beyond it.
“Save them, both of them.”
Alys’ eyes narrowed. Her face was painted with an expression he had never seen. He had no clue what it meant. “What would you sacrifice,” she asked flatly, “to ensure your wife and her children – your true heirs – live?”
“Anything,” Aemond croaked, “Everything.”
One corner of her sinful mouth lifted in a way that did not bring him comfort. She sighed as if taking the time to thoroughly consider his plea. The wicked bitch was gleefully stalling when the lives of his wife and child could end at any moment.
“Please, Alys,” he begged again, desperation crawling through his veins like spreading ice. “I cannot live without her, and she will never recover from her grief if she loses the babe.”
Something passed over her face, and she smiled fully. “You have always been a man of loyalty and nobility, Aemond.” Her grin sharpened as she laid one delicate hand upon her belly. “Almost always, at least.”
“Alys,” he growled in warning.
“Oh, don’t be a beast about it,” she scoffed. “I will do it – save them. If only in memory of our time together.”
Aemond sagged as relief swept through him, but it did not last long. She was still dying. The babe was still dying. Whatever Alys would do, she needed to do it now. He opened his mouth to command her to start, but she held up a hand to stop him.
“I promise it will be done.” She flung her hand to the door in dismissal. “You should be there for her. She is still so very frightened.”
He needed nothing more to run back to his wife.
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She was alone. Even with Maester Artos and the dozen women hovering around her, even with her son cooing softly from the cradle by the window, she had never felt so alone.
Aemond was gone.
He’d left her. Without even a goodbye, he’d left her. He had not even stopped to meet his son.
Artos murmured something to one of the Septas, who quickly gathered the other women on the far side of the room. He approached the bed, again seating himself upon the edge, and pressed the back of his fingers to her brow briefly before petting her hair. “How are you feeling, princess?”
“Am I going to die?”
He hesitated in answering. “I cannot say for certain…”
“I know something is wrong. Please, tell me.” Her heart constricted as his fingers brushed against a spot where Aemond had kissed her. “You told him, now tell me.”
“Very well,” he sighed. His harsh face fell, and she swore she could see his eyes glistening. “The babe is breech. It should emerge head-first, but it is not. It’s… the way it is attempting to come out is nearly impossible. Should I not intervene, one or both of you will die.”
No. No, no, no, it wasn’t fair. To suffer for this long, to endure what she endured, only for her child to enter the world wrong? In a way that would kill them? She had always been good and devout. She prayed and studied holy texts, listened to her Septas and the Maesters, and avoided sin at all costs. Then why was she being punished?
Unless… the gods had not sent this to punish her.
Aemond had abandoned her and their marriage – their holy union – when he slept with Alys. It would be fitting, and very like the gods, for him to lose that which he had forsaken. She and her second son were merely instruments of punishment. But it wasn’t fair.
“There is nothing you can do?” She felt hollow as Artos continued to look at her in pity.
The warrior-maester looked as if he were about to cry, as well. “In these situations, it is usually asked of the father whom he would rather save.”
So that was why Artos left the room – to ask Aemond whether to save her or the child.
“Who did he choose?” Either answer would devastate her. He would either prove the fragility of his love for her, or he would willingly break her heart by killing their son. Whatever he chose, he would become a kinslayer thrice over.
“He… he did not, your highness.”
“What?”
“I explained the situation, and he stormed in here – to you. When he left, he said nothing. He just ran. I presumed he had…” But he hadn’t. Had not said a word about the peril she and their son were now in.
A coward. Too frightened to maintain his vows of marriage. Too weak to admit his wrongdoing. Too cowardly to even make this most crucial of decisions. The gods damn him.
If they hadn’t already.
“So… what will you do?” If she had to be the one to make the decision, so be it.
“There are three options.” None of them were very good, she knew, simply by looking at his forlorn face. She had thought him a grave man when she first saw him. Now, he looked mournful – a reluctant harbinger of death. “I can forcibly remove the child, more than likely killing it in the process. I can attempt to save it and, in so doing, certainly kill you. Or we can proceed with the birth, risking killing both of you and pray that the gods may be merciful.”
Such a choice – a decision of life and death – should be difficult. It should tear away at the soul to condemn another. It should be far beyond the limits of the heart or mind.
But it was easy.
“Save him,” she whispered. “Let me die.”
Artos frowned deeply, shook his head, and said something in return, but she did not listen – she could not and would not hear his words. She only vaguely saw him move to the end bed, ripping away the sleeve of his robes as he barked orders at the maid and midwives. Perhaps the gods were merciful to dull her senses now so she could pass peacefully.
What did it matter if she died now?
She will have fulfilled her duty and given her husband his heirs. Finding a new wife would be easy – what woman would not want to marry him? Even if news of Alys spread beyond the walls of Harrenhal, surely it was nothing in exchange for a crown. Aemond would have everything he needed to be king.
If she lived, what sort of life would it be? To raise one son while constantly mourning the other. To be the wife of a man she could no longer trust. To remain empty, a shell of her former self. She would be alive, but she would still be a ghost.
“Save him,” she said again, her voice fading.
It was easier this way. Hadn’t she already learned that it was easier not to fight? Letting Aemond take care of her was easier than fighting him. Perhaps it would be easier to let him care for the children, too. He would love them enough that they would not feel her absence.
Distantly, she felt pressure between her legs, then heard her firstborn son cry out to echo her own screams.
Her son.
Oh, he had no name.
She couldn’t leave him motherless and without a name.
Months ago, she had decided on names, but they were hard to remember now. What was it? She could grant him this one last gift. She just needed to remember…
“Daeron.”
Yes. It had been her brother’s name. Her kind, brave, daring brother. He died some months ago. There had been a battle. Why was her little brother fighting? He was too young for that.
Tendrils of pale mist crept into the edges of her vision, playfully willing her to sleep.
Once she was gone, Daeron—her Daeron—would have a little brother, too. He would need a name as well—a strong name, a courageous name. When she was dead, he would need courage.
“Aenar.”
A strong name. With courage enough to forge a new beginning.
There. Names for her sons, the little princes.
With that last parting gift, she could close her eyes at last.
Goodbye, she tried to say.
I love you, my children.
Be kind to each other.
Love each other always.
Goodbye.
The mist filled her vision, illuminated by a distant light. It was cool, like a late spring morning. She did not hurt anymore. Did not feel anything but an overwhelming sense of peace.
The distant light faded.
The mist darkened.
Through it, she swore she could see grass-green eyes and hear the faraway cry of a babe.
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She was still screaming. Good.
Screaming meant she was still alive. Screaming meant Alys was fulfilling her promise. Screaming meant that Aemond was racing back to his wife – his living, breathing, beloved wife – and not her corpse.
The door was still locked when he arrived—one final obstacle between him and his family.
No, not final. Far from it. The door was the only tangible thing keeping him from his wife and children, yes, but there was far more beyond it. The pain he caused her, the hatred his ābrazȳrītsos now surely felt for him, and the third child that would soon be born still kept them as far apart as the earth and stars.
They would get past it. They had to. They were siblings, husband and wife, now destined to become King and Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. They were meant for each other. The gods or fate or whatever else had made her for him and him for her.
They were two parts of the same whole, cleaved.
“Prince Aemond.”
Cregan Stark, the man who humiliated him and his wife mere hours ago, stood behind him. Aemond snarled. “Leave. Now.”
Stark stood strong and still. “You have been my enemy. You may be still, I have not decided. I have no admiration nor respect for you, my prince. In short, I do not like you.”
“Do you want me to kill you?” Aemond asked. He did not wish to greet his sons with blood-soaked hands, but if Stark didn’t close his fucking mouth –
“To lose the woman you love so dearly in this way… it is a pain I know all too well and one I would not wish on anyone. I have instructed all my men to pray for the Princess and the child, and I will join them soon. Negotiations will be postponed indefinitely.”
“I…” Perhaps Aemond had underestimated the brute, if he was a brute at all. And though he knew the prayers were unnecessary, gratitude still dulled his rage. “Thank you, Lord Stark.”
He simply inclined his head and walked away, leaving Aemond leaning against that godsdamned door, listening to nothing but the sound of his own panting breath.
Oh gods.
He froze.
The screaming was gone.
It was silent.
Was she dead?
Had Alys betrayed him?
He would kill her. He would tear her apart with his own hands and –
A child cried.
Then…
Oh, thank each and every god a thousand times over.
For then, Aemond heard his wife laughing.
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“Princess?”
She always expected that the voice of the Father would be deep and smooth, but shouldn’t it be the Mother to greet her, given how she died? And shouldn’t the gods greet her by name, not her title?
“Princess, it is time to wake up,” the voice said again. “Open your eyes for me.”
Oh, her eyes were closed. She should open them.
The Heavens were not as bright as she imagined, nor as golden. They were dark and sparsely decorated and looked very much like –
“I am not dead?”
Maester Artos looked down at her and smiled. It reminded her of the few times she had seen her father smile at her, sparking a warmth in her chest she had not felt for years. She had not known she still remembered those smiles. “I am very happy to say you are not, your highness.”
“But, my son – ”
“He lives, too.”
It couldn’t be. After all the suffering of the past year, she could not believe it could be true. Loss had become a certainty, as sure as the sun rising each morning.
A babe cried, and she turned toward the sound. A young maid was wrapping an infant boy with a shock of white curls in a cobalt blue blanket. Daeron.
A different, softer cry came from the other end of the room. There, another boy with only a smattering of silver wisps atop his head was being gently cleaned by a Septa. Aenar.
Her sons – alive and well and here.
She threw her head back against the pillows and laughed.
She laughed with joy and relief, with eight months of eager waiting and sickness. She laughed with a body nearly dead, saved only by some miracle she did not understand. And she laughed with a heart that was both shattered and overflowing.
This was the moment she had dreamed of since she learned she was pregnant, since the moment she married Aemond. She had dreamed of this all her life. It was her destiny, even if it was vastly different from how she had dreamed it. For she was not at home in the Red Keep but within the cursed stones of Harrenhal. Her mother was not by her side but miles away. The family that was supposed to crowd around her and coo over the children were nearly all dead. And her husband…
“Let me in!” he shouted through the door, the wood pounding against stone as he threw himself against it. He had been doing that before, but she did not notice until now. It was so like him, the impatience and need to act, that she laughed again. “Ābrazȳrītsos! Is that you? Tell me you are safe!”
Taking her laughter as permission, Artos opened the door. It was mere heartbeats later that Aemond was upon the bed, his eye flitting over every inch of her, his hands roaming to try and locate something wrong, to stem blood that did not flow or relieve pain that did not exist.
“I’m fine,” she said, breathless. “I did it, lēkia, and I’m fine.”
“You did it?” He looked down at her in utter disbelief and joy before his eye drifted to the Maester. Tears slipped from his eye and caught the light of the setting sun. “She did it…”
Her gaze went to the maid that held her firstborn – the girl with eyes like her mother’s. Fitting, for her to be the one to hold him. But it was her turn. “Bring Daeron to me,” she ordered,” some strength at last returning to her voice. “I want to hold him.”
Aemond stared at her. “Daeron?”
Was he angry that she named their sons without him? She couldn’t quite tell. Her mind was still fuzzy, like the mist she had seen still lay over her, casting everything in a sweet, happy light. She shrugged. “There are already too many Aegons, so…”
He laughed. She had missed that sound – she loved it so dearly. He settled into the bed next to her, their bodies fitting together perfectly, like two halves of a broken plate. So many familiar feelings – the warmth of his arm around her, the rhythm of his heart, his lips kissing her temple in the gentle way that always sent shivers down her spine. Hadn’t her spine hurt not long ago? “Daeron is perfect.”
Indeed, he was absolutely perfect. So tiny and precious as he was put in her arms, looking up at his parents with wide lilac eyes. Neither she nor Aemond said anything as they beheld him, taking in each tiny, perfect detail. The wild curls of his silver hair. Each and every eyelash framing his bright eyes. The pink of his lips. Fingers and toes so wonderfully soft and small. A toothless smile that lit the world.
“He’s going to be king someday,” she realized aloud. How could someone so tiny rule an entire kingdom? He had a lot of growing to do before the Conqueror’s Crown would fit.
“A great king, I think,” Aemond mused. He held out a finger, and Daeron instinctively wrapped his hand around it. “Wise and strong. Daring, like his namesake.”
“He must be kind, too.”
“He will be,” Aemond assured, brushing out her damp, tangled hair with his fingers. The feeling was so familiar, but each touch had her flinching slightly. “We will raise him to be kind. His brother, too.”
“Aenar.”
Aemond stiffened. Had he forgotten they had another son, or did he not like the name she gave him? He pulled his finger back from his son’s fist to touch the babe’s hair. “The Exile?”
“I just thought…” Perhaps it had been a foolish name. But it had felt right when it came to her, when she was on the brink of death. “Our family needs a new beginning.”
“Yes… I suppose it does.” He kissed her again with slightly too much pressure. “Another fine name.”
She looked at the Septa that had been cleaning him. Maester Artos stood with her now, along with several other women, crowding so much she could not see the babe. “I want to hold him, too. Bring him to me.”
None of them moved. The room fell silent.
“Allow me just a moment longer, princess,” Artos said. His voice shook, and he would not look at her or Aemond. “I am still finishing my assessment of the boy.”
He’s dead, her mind insisted. They saved your life at the cost of his. He died because of you.
“No,” she whispered. “No, no, no.”
Daeron began fussing in her arms, disturbed by how she began to tremble. She failed one son by killing him, and now she was already failing as a mother to the one who survived. Aemond tightened his arm on her shoulders, pulling her closer as his free arm gently lifted their son into his own grasp.
He hushed her, ducking his head to press his cheek to hers. “Lykirī, ābrazȳrītsos. Izūgō daor īlo bēvili gō.” Calm, little wife. Do not panic before we have reason to.
“Kostan daor,” she whimpered. If Aenar was dead…
“Is he alive?” Aemond’s hand moved to shelter Daeron’s head as if to shield him from whatever danger or heartbreak lurked. She turned to press herself into him – into the safety of his arms.
Brother. Husband. Protector.
Why did the feel and scent of him no longer make her feel safe?
“Yes, my prince,” Artos answered.
“Will he remain that way?”
“Yes…”
“You could tell me he’s green-skinned and winged for all I care.” His arm curled protectively around her, but it did not comfort her. Rather, she bristled against it, the possessiveness of it. He did not notice. “He’s alive, and that’s enough. Bring him.”
Artos hesitated but obeyed, hastily wrapping the babe in a dark blanket.
He looked whole – unbroken. Aenar’s eyes were closed as the Maester placed him in her arms, but she could feel his warmth, his little heart beating, and the faint rise and fall of his chest. He only woke when a tear fell from her cheek onto his.
Even then, he did not cry. He only looked at his mother with bright eyes – the same shade of violet as his father's and brother’s. “Ñuha trēso,” she whispered, and he smiled. My son.
“Taobosa sylvȳse,” Aemond added. “He already recognizes the language of his ancestors. He will serve his brother well. Dārys sepār Ondoso zȳhon.” Wise boy. The King and his Hand.
They had two perfect sons. So why did Artos still look like that?
The Maester’s frown deepened. “I am afraid…” he cleared his throat. “It appears that the younger prince was injured during the birth.”
She examined him again but could find nothing wrong. He was perfect. Surely, Artos was mistaken.
“May I?” His large hand hovered over the edge of the blanket.
Her instinct was to pull away, to not let this man touch her son. Yes, he had saved both their lives, but he must be wrong now. Why should she let him make a problem where there was none?
She suppressed that instinct and allowed him to uncover Aenar’s right arm. Artos’ demeanor had made it seem as though something was horribly wrong – that the arm would be missing or deformed. But it was just an arm, small and plump and pale, with a splotch of reddish-purple covering the shoulder like a pauldron.
“It… is it a birthmark?” She brushed a thumb over it, the skin smooth but slightly raised. A birthmark wasn’t an injury, nor was it exceedingly unusual. There were several families where such a mark appeared on nearly every child born.
“Explain yourself, Artos,” Aemond hissed. He looked ready to tear the man to pieces. If he did, he would likely do so without even setting Daeron down.
With a sigh, Artos ran a finger down the length of Aenar’s arm. “Note how he gives no reaction.”
“So he is calm,” Aemond spat. “I fail to see the injury.”
“Do the same to the elder.” He repeated the touch. “Gently, my prince.”
Aemond obeyed with a scowl. The moment he touched the babe, Daeron squirmed and flailed his arm.
“But he looks fine.” She looked down at her second son, her wise boy, and held out a finger, as Aemond had with Daeron. Aenar’s left arm squirmed within its wrappings, but the right was still. She touched the arm, silently pleading with the gods for it to move, for that tiny hand to reach for her.
It remained still. A desperate noise escaped her. “What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing,” Aemond and Artos said in unison. Her husband attempted to pull her into his chest, but she pushed him away. An embrace could not fix this. Nothing could. He did not pursue her again.
“It is not uncommon among children born breech.” the Maester explained. “I have seen many such injuries and many even worse.”
Artos offered no sympathy or apologies, and she was thankful for it. There was nothing he could say to ease the pain of knowing that her son would never be whole, just like his father. But unlike Aemond, he was never even given the chance, wounded from his first breath. What would the people call him? ‘Prince Aenar One-Arm, son of King Aemond One-Eye?’
“What do we do?” She asked her husband, the Maester, the gods. Anyone who may have an answer.
Aemond’s face was drawn with grief – for his son and for himself. “He will adapt, as I did. I will ensure it. He will be stronger for this. I promise.”
I cannot trust your promises.
The thought was a sudden gale of icy wind scattering the lovely mist coating her mind into oblivion, leaving her with only stark, wicked reality and the faint memory of green eyes.
“How did I survive?”
Too quickly, Aemond turned to her, taking hold of her chin and pulling her close to him. “It does not matter, ābrazȳrītsos. All that does is that you are still with me. You and Aenar.”
If he wasn’t holding her firstborn, she would have shoved him from the bed.Liar. Liar. Liar.
I will fix this. he’d said before he left her. The pure, unrelenting anger she felt as she watched him leave had prevented her from considering what those words meant. Now, she could think of nothing else. What could he do? He was no midwife nor Maester. He had no knowledge of childbirth, beyond the few questions he’d asked of Orwyle months ago. What could he have done for her and Aenar except beg the help of another?
Of Alys.
Alys, who had eyes the color of fresh grass and possessed a dark magic that allowed her visions of the future. Was she also able to influence that future?
How?
At what cost?
What had Aemond promised her in exchange for their lives?
“No Maester wants to admit to ignorance,” Artos smiled sadly as Aenar continued to try to wriggle his left arm free of his blanket, “but I cannot explain it. All I can think is that the gods are kind to you, princess, and for that, I am glad.”
She could not look at him or any of the others in the room who watched her as if they could see the Mother’s hand upon her shoulder.
The gods weren’t kind. They were cruel to allow her to now owe her very life, and that of her son’s, to the two people who had destroyed her. Would she ever be able to look upon Aenar and not remember? To not feel her soul torn between unyielding hatred and infinite gratitude?
Yet, she had her life – and her sons. Surely anything was worth that.
Wasn’t it?
“I’m tired,” she said. The day had seemed to last a year, and the sun had not even set. “I want to rest now.”
After what she endured, no one argued.
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His ābrazȳrītsos fell asleep mere moments after Daeron and Aenar were settled into their cradles. She did not even wake when Aemond lifted her so the servants could replace the soiled bedding. Just as she had so many times before, she tucked her face into his neck as they sat in the window, sighing contentedly. Now, he lay beside her in the bed, trying to memorize how it felt to have her in his arms.
When she woke, he knew she would never allow him to hold her like this again.
She knew. Somehow, his wife knew what he had done to ensure she and Aenar survived, and she would never forgive him for it for as long as she lived.
But she would live.
Aenar would live. Though he would bear the wounds of his father’s sins forever.
After his wife had fallen asleep, Maester Artos had told him that it would likely be necessary to amputate Aenar’s arm. The purple mark on his shoulder had grown, apparently indicating further bleeding within the limb. If it grew much more before morning, the arm would be removed before midday.
It was his fault, Aemond knew.
Alys had told him that in her visions, both boys had been healthy. But that was before his ābrazȳrītsos knew that he betrayed her. Before he brought her to this cursed place. Before he failed to stop her from meeting Alys and learning the full extent of his sins.
He only hoped Aenar would not grow to hate him for it.
For now, the boy slept in his crib, limp arm hidden beneath the dark blanket he was swaddled in. Aemond rose from the bed, moving closer to his son.
How peaceful he looked now, with the redness of his skin finally faded. He did not have as much hair as his older brother, but his was wilder - more reminiscent of his mother’s curls than his father’s straight locks. At least he had that part of her, if not the warm brown eyes Aemond had hoped for.
In the other cradle, Daeron fussed slightly, though he did not wake. It seemed he resented being confined within the tight swaddle of his blanket. The thought made Aemond smile, remembering how his younger brother once did the same. It faded quickly.
He had to go to Alys. To thank her for giving him his family - a kindness he did not deserve. To say goodbye to the child he would never meet. Another cost he would force himself to pay.
He had to go now, while his ābrazȳrītsos slept.
“Before our wedding,” he whispered, careful not to wake her as he approached, “I promised to hold you every night I could, that I would do anything to return to you when I was away. I have failed to uphold that promise, and for that, I am so sorry.”
When he stroked her cheek, she turned into his touch, a small smile upon her lips. Seeing that some unconscious part of her still reacted to him with love warmed his heart, even as the knowledge that her conscious mind would never allow her to do so felt like a dagger buried in his gut.
Aemond knelt at her side, basking in her beauty, memorizing her peaceful face. “Now, I swear my devotion again. I know you no longer wish for me to hold you, and I promise I will not try to persuade you otherwise. But I swear I will always be with you, to love and protect you, even if I must do it from a distance. I will never fail you again.”
It did not matter that she could not hear his vow. Even if she did, she would not believe him. But he made it anyway, for his own sake, and so the gods, wherever they may be, would hear him. It was to them he spoke next.
“Should I ever harm you again, I pray that the gods will strike me down where I stand. And if they do not, I shall do so myself.” He kissed her brow - the sealing of a promise and a farewell - and left.
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A maid shrunk away as she passed Aemond in a corridor deep beneath Harrenhal, cradling the bundle of cloth she carried closer to her chest. It was one of the same maids who had tended to his wife—the young girl with deep brown eyes. She did not wear the clothing of a midwife, but the colors of her linen dress were similar. Perhaps a midwife in training.
Strange, then, for her to be here. Stranger still for her to be seemingly performing the duties of a laundress.
He glanced down at the bundle of cloth she carried and froze.
There was blood. Too much blood.
A young midwife, carrying bedlinens soaked with blood.
What would you sacrifice? Alys had asked.
Aemond ran.
He knew what he would find. There was no other explanation. Yet he still hoped and prayed he was wrong. Loss had followed him like a loyal dog for so long, but today it was banished. It must be.
Alys stood in front of her fire. One hand rested on a stomach that was not as distended as it had been only hours ago.
His wife’s stomach now looked very much the same.
“What did you do?” His voice shook with fear and guilt and shame. Gods, he felt so weak.
Her eyes, cold and distant, slid to his. “What you asked.”
“I didn’t ask you to…” This blood was on his hands - the blood of his child.
The word that had haunted him for more than a year - the word that had nearly led to the death of every person he ever loved - echoed in his mind.
Kinslayer.
Killer of his nephew. His uncle. His child.
Aemond looked back into the corridor, hoping to see the young midwife again. Had he not looked closely enough? Had she been carrying the body of his child within those bloody linens?
“I only wanted you to save my wife and son.” His words were a justification, a plea. It fell on the deaf ears of the gods and the dead child’s mother.
“And you thought there would be no cost?” Alys laughed, cruel and cackling. “No god in the world is so generous as to save a life and ask for nothing in exchange, boy.”
“I didn’t think – ”
“You never do.”
Grief morphed into anger. Reckless, aimless, dangerous rage. “You should have told me!”
“What would you have done?” She faced him fully now, her hand falling to her side. There was no trace of the woman who had once comforted and reassured him - who had kept him sane amidst the insanity of war. There was only annoyance and derision. It reminded Aemond of his dead half-sister and her bastard sons. “If I had told you?”
“I –”
“Would you have left your wife to die? Let her son die?” Alys’ lip curled in a hateful sneer. “You could not choose between wife and son, yet you believe you could have chosen between two sons?”
The world stopped. Only Alys’ flickering fire and burning eyes remained.
“I… it was a boy?” Aemond leaned against the wall, sliding down to his knees, savoring the scrape of the rough stone against his back. He deserved every bit of pain. More.
Alys let a single hint of sorrow slip through her cold façade. “It was. Three sons within a year. What your father would have given to have had the same.”
The last thing Aemond wanted to do was to think about his father. The king who had nearly destroyed his throne by choosing one child over another.
Gods, was he any better?
Did his ignorance of his son’s sacrifice absolve him of blame? The guilt?
It certainly didn’t feel like it.
Alys sighed. “Better for his death to mean something than for his life to be spent destitute and fatherless.”
“I would not have allowed that to happen,” Aemond said. It was a reflex, a reassurance he’d grown used to giving since he learned he seeded a bastard.
“Wouldn’t you? Perhaps if my visions had not changed. But now…” She shook her head, more exasperated than sorrowful. Did she mourn the child at all? “No. You’d have wanted us as far away as possible and done anything you could to not think of us.”
“I would have ensured your comfort.” The words felt as hollow as his chest.
“Your wife would, yes.” Alys smiled fondly, just as she had when his ābrazȳrītsos sat across from her earlier that very day. She had never smiled that way for Aemond. Never truly cared for him. He should have known. “She is kind-hearted. But not you. Your resentment of me, of us, would have festered until you found some way to be rid of us.”
He wanted to deny it. To say that there was nothing that could drive him to do what she insinuated. Once, it would have been true. But now, with the man he’d become in the war and how close he’d come to losing his heart itself, it would be a lie.
If he had killed Alys along with the rest of her cursed family, would he have become this man? Would he have learned to cherish the metallic tang of blood and its warmth as it coated his hands? Would he have become so proficient a liar that false words rolled off his tongue like a Valyrian lullaby? Would he have grown so accustomed to violence that it now came as naturally to him as loving his wife?
Would he have broken his ābrazȳrītsos’s heart?
He’d trusted her visions. It had been a mistake.
One mistake that led to thousands more, and it was all her fault.
Alys was the one who lied, who deceived him. Who had pulled his strings as if he were no more than a puppet, knowing that he was married and his wife was lonely and infirm.
His failure as a husband. His wife’s pain. The death of his third son.
Her fault. Her fault. Her fault.
Aemond’s heart slowed, his breathing becoming deep and steady. No longer the heart of a broken boy or a desperate husband. Now, it was the blackened heart that had carried him through countless battles and raging rivers of blood.
“I will be rid of you now,” he hissed as he stood. “And I will be rid of you forever.”
The bitch had enough sense to look scared.
“In memory of the son you killed, I will allow you to live. But no more than that.” She didn’t even deserve that, this woman who did not mourn her own child. Perhaps it was good that the babe was gone, for surely he would have suffered with a witch as his mother.
He approached Alys, sneering down at her and the false bravery on her wicked face. “As Prince Regent of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, I banish you from these lands forever. You have ten days to leave Westeros. After that, if you are ever seen here again…” He reached out and grabbed her by the throat, holding just tight enough to steal a bit of her breath - just enough to make her fight for it.
“I will kill you myself,” he promised. “Without hesitation or remorse, I will kill you. Slowly. And I will savor every moment, for it will bring me far greater pleasure than that withered cunt of yours ever did.”
She fell to her knees when he released her, clutching at her throat as she coughed and gulped for air. He didn’t care. He only turned on his heel and left, not sparing a single glance at the woman who had only hours ago been carrying his bastard child.
Only one woman mattered now, had ever truly mattered to him.
His ābrazȳrītsos was still asleep when he returned to their chamber, as were their sons. They had no idea where he had gone - that he had even left at all. No inkling of the fact that a moment ago, he had again become the man who wiped an entire bloodline from the earth, slaughtered tens of thousands, and delighted in the suffering he had wrought.
Now, as he leaned down to gently kiss his sons’ brows and muss their soft hair, he was a mere man of twenty, his heart bursting with love and affection for his family. How could a heart overflow with such love at the same moment it was fracturing with grief and regret?
It was a question far beyond him at that moment. Perhaps forever beyond his reach.
He was so tired. Too tired to consider the heartbreak that would come when he woke in the morning and his wife pulled out of his grasp. He could face that pain when it came. But now, he needed to feel whole, if only for a few hours.
So, Aemond climbed into bed with his wife, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her into his chest. He remained awake only long enough to kiss the top of her head and whisper, “Jāla tetan, ābrazȳrītsos. Īlon lentot selagon kosti.” It is over, ābrazȳrītsos. We can go home.
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She woke to the sound of Daeron fussing. Strange how quickly she was able to tell them apart, even just by their little noises of discontentment. Although, considering she had been with them every moment of the last seven - near eight - months, it may not be strange at all. Perhaps that was why she felt so sure that it had been Daeron who occupied the top of her belly, constantly pestering her with his tiny fists pounding against her at the most inopportune times.
“Hush, little prince,” a soft voice said. “You’ll wake up your mother, and after what you and your brother put her through, I dare say she needs her rest.” A maid was speaking to him, a slight, old woman leaning over his crib. She had not seen the maid before, and somehow, it comforted her.
Daeron continued to grumble. She moved to stand but found Aemond’s arms wrapped around her waist. Thankfully, he was still asleep. Quite deeply asleep, apparently, for when she untangled herself from him, he did not wake.
The maid curtsied when she saw the princess approaching and stepped away from Daeron’s cradle. His fussing had now roused Aenar, but the younger prince made no sound, only glaring at his brother in what seemed to be intense displeasure at his sleep being interrupted.
“Is something wrong with him?” she asked the old maid. Daeron quieted slightly upon seeing his mother but still fussed.
“Nothing to concern yourself with, princess.” The old maid had a kind, soothing voice - that of a wise grandmother. She looked at the babes with fondness and a hint of apology. “They are simply hungry.”
“Where is the wetnurse?” She immediately regretted asking. In her sleepy haze, she had forgotten that Alys was the wetnurse at Harrenhal. Why wasn’t she here? Did she even want Alys here? No, of course she didn’t. Had Aemond requested another be found so she would not have to see Alys again?
The old maid looked away, sighing. “I’m afraid she’s left us. No wonder why, poor thing lost her babe again. Such a shame. We all thought she’d had a miracle with this one. But not to worry, Maester Artos sent some men to find another girl from the closest village.” She shook her head and again leaned over Daeron’s crib. “You’ll be fed soon, darling prince, don’t you worry.”
Alys’ child - Aemond’s child - was dead?
It was a good thing, wasn’t it? There would be no bastard son of the new king, no living reminder of what he’d done. This was good news. She should be happy, shouldn’t she?
But she wanted to cry.
“Mother, forgive me,” the old maid looked horrified as she clutched her pendant of the Seven-Pointed Star. “I should not have said that, princess. Not when you’ve only just finished your own labors. Please, forgive me.”
She glanced at Aenar, now peacefully asleep once more. How close she had come to losing him. It had devastated her. Made her willing to forfeit her own life if only he could live. If she had lost him and had to live with that loss… it would have driven her mad.
“How…” she licked her lips. “How many children has she lost?”
The old maid dropped her pendant. “I do not know, exactly. Enough that we all stopped counting.”
Oh gods. She blinked to clear her eyes, wiping away an errant tear with her thumb. “You said she’s gone?”
“Yes, princess. She left in the night. Didn’t say where she was going, to my knowledge.”
It made no sense. If Aemond had struck a bargain with Alys to save her and Aenar’s lives, why would she leave? Had whatever he offered her not been enough to keep her in the place where she’d lost so many children?
Daeron cried again, his face reddened and wrinkled. He was so hungry, she could nearly feel it herself. She… she could feel it. When she looked down at herself, she saw two dark stains on her chemise right above her breasts. Her milk had finally come in, which meant -
“I can feed them.”
The old maid looked aghast. “Princess, there is no need - ”
“I want to do it.” She was their mother, why shouldn’t she be the one to feed them? It was her body that made them, that brought them into the world. It made sense that it would continue to care for them even now. “Can you show me how?”
It took a moment for the maid to close her mouth before she smiled gently. “I’ve raised nine children myself, princess. I think I know a few tricks.”
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The maid had gone by the time Aemond woke.
Daeron was still suckling at her left breast while Aenar had fallen asleep using the right as his pillow. She had not realized how heavy and uncomfortable they had felt until the boys had drunk from her, easing the pressure that she’d become accustomed to.
“You should not be doing that yourself,” Aemond muttered as he raised himself on an elbow. His eye darted from son to son, only ever glancing over her exposed breasts. Once, he loved to worship them, quite similarly to how his sons fed from her now. “Where is the wetnurse?”
Did he not know that Alys had left? Had no one told him of the death of his child?
No. Those were the faint remnants of tear tracks lining his cheeks, and there was a deep sadness in his eye that was not there when he held his sons for the first time. He knew. He knew, and he was grieving, though he was fighting to hide it. She still saw it.
Perhaps that was the real reason he never returned to King’s Landing during the war - he knew she would be able to see the guilt on his face.
“There is no other wetnurse,” she explained gently. “Alys left. They’re looking for another woman now.”
Aemond froze, his gaze growing distant. She could not decipher his expression. Rage? Guilt? Sorrow? Grief?
“I’m sorry, Aemond.” He frowned and shook his head, but she continued. “Truly, I am.”
“It’s better this way,” he whispered. He didn’t believe it. Neither did she.
He reached out to her. No, not to her, but to Aenar, gently stroking his hair. She allowed him to take the babe and hold him against his own chest.
Aenar opened his eyes and looked up at his father. Then, he smiled.
Aemond took in a deep breath. “That boy should never have existed,” he said, letting Aenar take hold of his thumb and mouth at it. “I already had what I needed. And wanted.”
So it was a boy. Another son. A brother for her own. Would he have had his father’s nose, as Daeron did? Or his stern brow, like Aenar? Gods, why did she care?
“You are allowed to mourn him. He was innocent. I bear him no ill will.” Bastard or no, a babe was a babe, blameless of his parents’ sins. Deep in her heart, she mourned him, as well.
Again, Aemond shook his head. “I cannot mourn what never should have been.” He turned his head to face her, face open and pleading. “And I am mourning too much already.”
“I am alive. Aenar is alive. There is nothing to mourn.”
“You know that is not what I mean, ābrazȳrītsos.”
She did. He mourned not for the loss of a life, but for the loss of their life. The life they should have shared, and would have, had Aemond not strayed. In truth, she mourned for it, too.
“I know.”
They sat in silence for a moment as Daeron finally finished feeding, stretching his little arms to push her breast away. She pulled her robe closed again to combat the chill.
Aemond raised a hand to help her. She flinched away. He winced in response.
“Ābrazȳrītsos, please.” His voice was already breaking, his eye watering. The sight should have tugged at her heart. His begging should have fanned the flames of her anger. But looking at him, she felt very little of anything, save a small seed of pity. “Alys is gone. My… the bastard is gone. Can we not return to the way we were? Pretend none of this ever happened? Can’t you forgive me at last?”
The answer came without hesitation.
“No, Aemond.”
Within her, there was no longer a grassland, barren with loneliness and despair. The never-ending field of raging fire had also vanished. In its place was a small, lush garden, safely contained within tall stone walls draped with flowers and a polished iron gate – locked firmly, but perhaps not sealed forever.
“I shall always be your sister, your blood, and the mother of your children.” Daeron cooed, as if he knew she was talking about him, and she could not help but smile down at him. “I will remain your wife in the eyes of gods and men. And when Aegon dies, I will be your faithful queen.”
Aemond shook as his breath quickened, failing to keep the heartbreak. “You will be a wonderful queen, ābrazȳrītsos. I know it.”
She pulled away, taking Aenar from him and into her empty arm. “But I will never again be your ābrazȳrītsos.” She forced herself to ignore the whimpering, broken cry that escaped him, the breath that carried it echoing like a death rattle. “I will not share your bed. And I will no longer allow you to hold my heart.”
Between desperate sobs, Aemond raised his head to face her. Utter devastation lay in his eye, but so too did acceptance. Anguished surrender. “My heart is and always shall be yours.”
I don’t want it, her mind told her, even as her heart cried, I will cherish it forever.
But her decision was made. In all but name, their marriage – their once legendary romance – was finished. A few fragments of love remained but would never be repaired. Could never be.
Slowly, she rose from the bed, her sons still in her arms. Aemond began to reach for her, but when she did not even acknowledge him, he covered his face with his hands and wept. Though it tugged at her heart, it was the same she would feel for any man weeping so, no longer the instinctive pull of a wife. She did not comfort him.
The soft, pitiful sounds of Aemond’s grief faded as she walked toward the eastern window, settling herself in the cushioned seat just beneath it.
Daeron smiled, watching the trembling branches of an oak tree dotted with the first tight green buds of the season. Aenar angled his head just so, until the sun warmed every bit of his fat, pink face, then promptly fell asleep. She sighed, taking in the sweet scent of spring on the wind, and realized she had not breathed so easily in months.
It was a lovely morning in Harrenhal.
509 notes · View notes
star-suh · 6 months
Text
Good Friends Share
Park Jonseong & Park Sunghoon x Male Reader
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cw: established relationship, dom-ish tops jay and sunghoon, threesome, cheating, spanking, breeding, double penetration, musk kink, sweat kink, degradation, feminization.
yn and sunghoon have been a couple for three months already but there is something that the first one is hiding, he has been fucking his boyfriend's friend, jay.
“harder please” moans yn, spreading his cheeks with both hands so jay can get a better view of his cock pounding that sexy ass “who's the better cock me or sunghoon?” jay said pushing yn's head against the bed with his hand but he said nothing, just whimpers coming out of his mouth. “i asked who's the better fucking cok bitch” jay said in a angrier but sexier tone, placing his hands on each side of yn's head then introducing some fingers in his mouth to pound harder “it's you~ jay you're the better c-ock~”.
“is that so?” a familiar voice came from outside the room, “i thought i was fucking you good” he grabbed yn's chin with his thumb and index finger “that's what you told me every night i pushed jay's cum deeper with my dick” he smirked maying direct eye contact with the bottom “you're such a dirty boy yn” he pouted.
yn didn't know what to say, his mind is still processing that sunghoon knew he was cheating on him. suddenly he felt something wet licking his ear, it was jay “i told him” he whispered, “we're good friends after all… and good friends share” a chill running through yn's entire body.
now yn was in between both males, their sweat and smell driving him crazy. while jay keep slamming himself against the bottom, sunghoon was using his mouth like a fleshlight “so he's the better cock huh? let's see if that changes tonight” hoon grabbed him by the head and make him deepthroat his dick, forming a little bulge on his throat “hold it” growled the top, his legs trembling from the pleasure he was receiving “fuckkkkk” he grunts pulling out his dick covered in thick saliva, a string of it connecting his tip to the bottom's mouth.
“what a skilled slut we have here” jay mentions while spanking the ass and he won't stop until it's all covered in bright red hand prints, “he really knows how to take cock” he adds.
“of course he does, it's like he was made to satisfy us both, our pretty hungry cumslut” sunghoon wipes a tear from yn's eye and lick it from his thumb. yn has never seen sunghoon like this, he was so calm yet something in his smirk was haunting, sex with him has always been vanilla and now it's as if as if he were showing his true self, with lots of kinky thoughts crossing his mind– and yn will know about them probably soon.
“you like it prince?, you like how he's railing your pussy?” sunghoon asked to yn who was with his mouth stuffed, “i bet you do pretty bitch” jay laughs, pushing the bottom's head deeper down hoon's dick “the way he's clenching so hard in my dick just confirms it” he adds.
yn sat on hoon's dick, his already used and slicked hole making it easy to swallow it all the way down to the balls. yn moves his hips in a gentle motion feeling a bit sore for how jay has been rearranging his insides the past minutes.
hoon lock his hands around the other's waist and says “if you're gonna act like a bitch at least fuck like one” he starts pounding hard, the sound of his balls slapping against yn's ass fills the room along with jay's laugh who was jerking off enjoying the sight in front of him. hoon's thrusts were so hard that some lube drops start splashing every time he goes in.
yn was already tired, resting his head on hoon's neck when he felt a sudden stretch, when he was about to moan his boyfriend kissed him “it's ok, you're gonna like it” he whispers and kissed him in the forehead. jay was introducing his dick in yn's already stuffed hole, it felt so tight that he almost came “holy shit, i don't know if i can last long” he whimpers.
“don't worry, i got you bro” sunghoon pushes yn in top of jay making the latter to fell on his back, his dick still inside the hole “i'm gonna take care of you both from now on” he says once again with that goddamn smirk. he starts drilling his boyfriend's hole. the sensation was overwhelming for both yn and jay that they started moaning in unison “look at you jay, acting so tough but you just end up being a moaning bitch like yn”; “shut up dude it.. it's because you just started to fuck” his hooded eyes making eye contact with hoon who smiles and murmurs “bullshit”.
the friction between his cock and hoon's made jay cum inside yn, who came seconds later due to the overstimulation; “please i can't anymore” the latter cries. “it's ok, i'm gonna cream your pussy soon” hoon kisses him while doing some lasts thrusts and finally flooding yn's inside with his warm cum, it was so much that it started to drip down yn's hole and jay's shaft.
“we're gonna have so much fun” hoon smirks one last time to yn who falls asleep on top of an already sleeping jay.
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stsgluver · 8 months
Text
𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐓.𝟓 — gojo satoru
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synopsis. there's nothing more romantic than travelling halfway across the world for the girl you love... even if it is two years late.
wc. 3.4k
tags. none really, yn is described as shorter than megumi, possible ooc for EVERYONE, lowkey forgot how to write halfway through, possible spelling mistakes and plotholes (pls still like my writing i beg)
a/n. im sorry i never really got round to answering the comments on the last post but i have added everyone to the taglist who asked. so i did write two endings but one was bad SO i stuck to this one only <3 i hope this is the right end to the series and thank you sm for the support over the last few months!! i will have a 'spin-off-ish' series focused on the students making the videos in the first place which i will add the link to on this chapter once it's up. this is for @ilovejugs69 ly pookie
previous part / series masterlist
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“this is such a bad plan.” 
megumi let out a small sigh, resting his head back on the leather of the plane’s seat. an economy seat – much to gojo’s dismay – but there hadn’t been much time to consider other options, bar gojo buying himself a personal private jet and hiring a pilot all in the space of less than an hour. 
the dark-haired student clutched the arm rests as he felt his stomach churn in knots as the reality of their decision sunk in. it was a very last minute and muddled plan but gojo was desperate to see you again and megumi wanted nothing more than to have his family back – so when gojo offered to take them both to the other side of the world to find you, he agreed a little too quickly. spontaneity was not his thing and with each passing second he was remembering why.
gojo shuffled himself back in his seat, nose scrunching up in annoyance as he struggled with the small gap for his longer-than-average legs. if his height wasn’t drawing the pair any attention (which it certainly was), the uniforms and the sorcerer’s blindfold definitely were. he didn’t need his six eyes to feel the stares of strangers. 
“i’ve never had a bad plan in my life.” 
megumi scoffed at the declaration, rolling his eyes at the white haired sorcerer’s misplaced confidence. like it wasn’t gojo’s idea to send megumi on that mission alone that ultimately resulted in yuuji swallowing sukuna’s finger or his idea to prank nanami on his birthday that got both himself and the first years all detention. 
“don’t roll your eyes at me, young man,” gojo lightly swatted megumi’s arm, wiggling one of his fingers in front of the younger boy’s face. “your mother will think i’m a shit dad and won’t come back.” megumi ignored the tightening in his chest at the casualness of gojo’s words.
“you are a shit dad,” he retorted, closing his eyes and willing the next seven hours to go by faster than they were. he didn’t hate flying, but he wasn’t the biggest fan, and the nerves that were building up alongside the nonstop chatter from the man beside him were definitely not helping.
gojo gasped and megumi felt him jostling in the seat next to him, he could only imagine the dramatics his teacher was pulling in public. it was best he kept his eyes closed. 
“that wasn’t very nice. god, teenagers and their angst these days.” 
megumi heard gojo mumbling loudly under his breath and there was no doubt in his mind that there was a cheshire grin on gojo’s face, daring him to take the bait and bicker like the mature adult he was. 
however annoying he may have found him, megumi knew that gojo was just as nervous as he was. the two, however, were just polar opposites in all aspects. so while megumi just wanted to spend the next few hours trying to sleep and hope he’d have the courage to face you when he woke up, gojo wanted to play avoidance by teasing him as if they weren’t travelling halfway across the world for you.
when megumi didn’t respond, to gojo’s disappointment, a silence settled between the two. with his hands now stuffed in the pockets of his uniform and head almost on gojo’s shoulder, the dark haired sorcerer attempted to finally fall asleep.
“do you think she’s mad at me?” megumi asked quietly after about five minutes. 
gojo hummed thoughtfully, looking down at the teenager almost asleep on his shoulder. “she has no reason to be mad at you,” he said in the most reassuring tone he could muster.
“she’s never messaged me back,” megumi countered.
“at least yours still go through.” gojo huffed lightly, an attempt at brightening megumi’s mood at the expense of himself but it only left both more unsettled at their predicament. he knocked his knee into the younger boy’s gently. “get some sleep, this is going to be a long flight.”
“if you just take a seat here, i will go see if ma’am is available. it’s so lovely to meet her family finally.” a woman dressed in formal attire gestured towards a small lobby waiting room with a bright smile. 
there was no one else in there apart from one middle-aged guy with a briefcase, newspaper in hand. gojo thanked the woman, hand on megumi’s shoulder as he led him into the back corner of the white minimalist room.
the sun had set by the time they’d landed and found your office building – something that gojo had forced shoko to send him. he hadn’t even had a chance to tell her what they were doing before he’d gotten on the plane so after she had a go at him for leaving her out of the loop and not bringing her too, she sent across the necessary details with demands for regular updates. 
“i bet she’s going to call security,” megumi sighed as he dropped himself down into the black leather seat, resting his head back against the wall behind him. between school and the plane journey, he’d been awake for nearly twenty hours and the stiff seat he was on felt like a pile of feathers. he was going to fall asleep before he’d even had the chance to see you.
gojo crossed one leg over the other, hands crossed behind his head. the teenager wanted to elbow him for his calm posture – he could have as well, he’d dropped his infinity the second the two had entered the building. the second the older sorcerer had stepped into the building he knew you were here, recognising the cursed energy that brought him a familiar comfort he’d missed. “why would she?”
megumi snapped his head in his direction, eyes opening to give him an incredulous look, “why would you say you’re her husband?” 
gojo waved a hand dismissively, “i basically am–”
“was. several years ago.” megumi countered and gojo’s mouth dropped open at the audacity of his pupil to point out the obvious facts.
rolling up the sleeves of his jacket, gojo began to stand up and megumi was close to cracking a smile at his behaviour. the delirium of not sleeping was beginning to sink in. “okay, kid–”
“you’re here.”
gojo’s sleeves dropped just as fast as megumi stood up from his seat, both more alert than they had been all day. suddenly, the uneasy feeling megumi had had on the plane didn’t seem so bad, this was so much worse.
you’d barely changed since you’d left, bar your hair being a few inches longer. if the two looked closely enough at you, they’d realise you were just as wrecked with nerves as they were as you struggled to stop your hands from shaking.
when the receptionist had first come up to tell you that your husband and son were here to see you, your initial reaction had been to say she’d made a mistake… until the cryptic message shoko had sent you thirty minutes earlier started to make a lot more sense. 
she was the only one you’d maintained regular contact with after you’d left. initially you had gone on a complete no contact with everyone, refusing to even acknowledge that you had a life and a family in japan. you were scared and you’d chosen the coward's way out by running. it felt wrong to still have strings binding you to a life that was no longer yours.
but you missed her and you worried constantly about gojo and megumi, so you’d slowly built up messaging her once a month to every few days just to know everyone was still alive.
you had desperately wanted to take megumi with you but you didn’t have it in you take him away from his sister and, despite how you’d laid into him about how even he had limitations, you knew megumi was safer with gojo than you. in america, you were vulnerable to curse users and curses alike without the protection of any other sorcerers or specialist schools to help you.
the three of you probably looked like idiots to the other man in the room, all staring at each other too afraid to make the first room. it felt surreal to all be together again. you were afraid your longing to see them again had reached a point of insanity, and they were afraid of spooking you if they got too close too quickly.
megumi was the first one to make a move, stepping around the rows of seats and the centre coffee table till he stood a metre from you. “hi.”
your hand covered your mouth as you had to tilt your head up slightly to keep eye contact with the boy you’d raised since he was only a fraction of your height. you may not have changed but megumi had – both his height and voice – and the guilt of leaving him behind was overwhelming.
“oh my god, you’re so much taller than me.” you moved closer to him to gently grab ahold of his arms as you took in how much he had grown. there wasn’t a day that had gone by that you didn’t regret and feel guilt for leaving megumi and you only hoped he understood why you left him so suddenly. taking a step back, you gestured to his uniform, “what’s jujutsu high like?”
the words were bittersweet. what had leaving achieved apart from heartache? megumi was still a jujutsu student and gojo was still japan’s lifeline. maybe you would live a longer life in america, but was the life you had now worth the one you’d left behind?
“it’s…” megumi hesitated before clearing his throat, “it’s okay. there’s two other first years, yuuji and nobara. they’re alright.” you smiled at his words, flashbacks of your own childhood crossing your mind as you remembered the innocence of your first year. it was fun being in a class with two prodigies, you were mini celebrities in a world of rich and powerful sorcerers.
“i’m glad you’ve made some friends, megs,” the nickname rolled off your tongue too naturally and if megumi closed his eyes, maybe he could pretend that you were all still in japan and you were just catching up after being away on a prolonged mission. you glanced to the other sorcerer in the room who had remained silent up until this point – although he had silently made his way over. “i’m going to go speak with satoru in my office and then can i take you out for dinner? to talk properly?”
megumi nodded a little too eagerly, “yeah, please. i’ll just wait here.”
“perfect. satoru?” the acknowledgement was all the strongest sorcerer needed to be following behind you, keeping a distance of several paces as you led him inside your office.
gojo rested his forearm against one of the large ceiling height windows in your office that overlooked the city. you had to be at least twenty stories up and the blaring of car horns was simply a hum, vehicles appearing as mini red and yellow dots on the busy roads below.
“nice view.” 
it was the first words he’d uttered in your presence and despite him being the one to initiate the venture to you, he had no idea what to say. this was likely his only chance to convince you to come back and he may have already screwed up by waiting as long as he had.
“what are you doing here?” you asked as you pushed your door shut, leaving the two of you in the privacy of your small office. it was nothing special; a chair, a desk with paperwork piling up and no photos whatsoever. there was no trace that you even existed beyond these four walls.
“don’t i at least get an ‘i miss you’? i just travelled over ten hours for you,” he said lightly, trying to ease the tension in the room but your voice was no longer as soft as it was when you spoke with megumi. the teenager had done nothing wrong – he was part of the reason you left.
“it’s been two years.” he didn’t have to turn around to know that your arms were probably crossed in front of your chest, your head tilted to the side as you waited for him to explain himself. except he thinks his past offences of stealing all of the sweets before halloween were a little more forgivable than letting you leave.
his hand turned to a fist as he dropped it from the window, turning around to look at you properly. “i know.”
both of you stared at one another, neither of you speaking as you took the other in.
“you chose them over me,” you accused. them being both the higher-ups and the whole of jujutsu itself. you’d given him a chance to have a normal life – a natural life in which you’d grow old together and die of old age – and he’d chosen the short life where he’d likely die before he turned thirty.
“you knew what you were signing up for,” he said and there was no malice behind the words though they still frustrated you. he was right to an extent, he’d sat you down after you’d finished school, just before he’d taken in megumi and given you an out. you chose to stay, fully believing that the two of you had already gone through your worst.
“i didn’t realise i’d always be on the losing side.”
“we weren’t always losing–”
you stepped closer to gojo as you held out your hand, counting each disaster after the other with your fingers, “haibara died, we almost died, geto defected, we took in megumi and the tensions between your clan and the zen’ins got ten times worse. you said you wanted to change jujutsu society and what had we done? i never knew if you’d come home to me after missions, it made me feel sick.”
“how do you think i felt coming home to a note?” you could count on your hands the amount of times you had seen gojo angry – and while he wasn’t all the way there he was teetering on the edge as he frustratedly lifted off his blindfold, throwing it onto your desk. in the same way you’d been desperate for him to hear what you were saying before you’d left, he was equally as desperate for you to hear him now. to see that he was here. “megumi? at least geto left for a purpose, you just left.”
it was an unfair dig – geto had committed mass murder, after all – but similar to the one that you’d pulled on him two years ago.
you clicked your tongue as you tried not to make it obvious how badly that made you want to cry, holding your hands up in surrender. “was it so wrong to want a life where i didn’t go to work thinking i would die? to want a future?”
“you were my future.” he sounded sad as he uttered them, and it looked foreign to see the gojo satoru look so dejected. there were only inches between the two of you now and despite the fact he towered over you, he appeared so small as he continued, “was i ever yours?”
memories of your late teenage years and early adulthood play out as a montage: from your first meeting when you’d both gotten lost on the train to school, to the tears you spilled as you finished writing your note and closed the door to his apartment for the last time. 
“of course you were.” your voice was shaky, no longer holding any bite. until the day you’d left, since you were sixteen, you’d never envisioned a life without him.
gojo’s hand reached out to push your hair back from your neck, the little white scars still tarnishing your flawless skin. it was taking all of your resolve to not collapse into his arms and have him hold you like you knew he would. you were sure you’d believe him this time if he told you he could protect everyone, that he was in fact able to be in six places at once and still come out on top. “come back with us please.”
“satoru…” you dragged off, looking away as you fought between listening to your rationale that reminded you that nothing had really changed and your heart that missed being in love.
“just come back,” he repeated, “are you going to tell me you’ve found someone else? that you enjoy your life here?” it was wrong and selfish, he knew it, to be convincing you the way he was – to even be here full stop – but he missed you and he wasn’t ready to let you walk away again.
“i can’t lose you.” hesitantly you pressed your hands to his chest. for a second he was scared you were going to push him away, but you didn’t, fingers tightening around the material of his uniform.
“don’t be silly and travel halfway across the country then.” his voice was just above a whisper now as he brushed his nose against yours. “hey, look at me properly.”
you complied without any hesitation – you always did when it came to him. two years of no contact but your body still reacted on muscle memory to the sound of his voice. never in your life had you ever seen eyes like his, of course you hadn’t, and you were still taken aback by the full blue colour as he gazed down at you.
“tell me you don’t want me to kiss you.” you did want him to. “tell me you want me to walk out of this room and not turn back and i’ll do it.” he wouldn’t have left without you.
“i missed you,” you whispered, and that was all he needed to duck his head down to let your lips meet. gojo’s hand slipped round to the back of your neck, tugging you impossibly closer as his tongue swiped across your bottom lip. you missed this, you missed him, and you were going to find it impossible to let go of him again.
only when your lungs ached to breathe did you force yourself to pull back from your ex boyfriend. gojo’s eyes were still focused on your lips and you didn’t doubt that if it were up to him, he’d be leaning to kiss you again. it was only the light push against his chest that held him back.
“what are we doing?” you asked, voice wavering from both the kiss and nerves. whilst there was no doubt in your mind that gojo was who you wanted, you had many reservations about reentering jujutsu society.
“about to ditch this place and go back to japan on a plane. all three of us.”
you brows furrowed together, “but–”
gojo held a finger up your lips, his other hand slipping into his back pocket, pulling out three plane tickets. “i already got your ticket, you don’t want it to go to waste do you?”
you lightly hit his arm and smiled up at him. he was grinning now and it didn’t need to be said aloud – he was yours again (though he’d never really stopped being such) and you were coming home. “that confident?”
“surprised you were able to resist me this long.” he pecked your cheek this time, a hint of tease in his tone like he hadn’t needed megumi to convince him to even enter your office building in the first place.
you let his joke slide with no rebuttal. “are you coming to dinner?” you hoped you hadn’t been keeping megumi too long.
“do you want me at dinner?” gojo asked.
you reached across to your desk to grab ahold of his blindfold and passed it to him. as much as you loved being able to see his eyes, you’d rather not be spending your first twenty four hours with him in bed complaining about a splitting headache. “i’m sure megs won’t mind. plus you can pay,” you added with a wink.
gojo raised an eyebrow, lips tugging up at the corners into a slight smirk, “oh so that’s the real reason why you missed me?”
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taglist. @thefictionalcharacterssimp @hana-patata @mor-pheus @leathairs @sh0ek0 @maliakealoha @levisteeacup @g-kleran @stevenknightmarc @n1kimura @darliingyu @saturn-alone @splxtscreen @leah-rose03 @rinshoe @laurenzitaa @patricia142lilian @sabo-has-my-heart @wooasecret @dahliawarner @kysrion @dreamerdeity @mwah-chia @geromiegerald @arminsarlerts @maliakealoha @cherrypieyourface @k4romis @monsieurgucchi @bofadeezs @777userz @polarbvnny @chonkercatto @tenshis-cake @haitanibros0007 @ba-ks @liaurokodaki @urfavvirg0 @lofasofabread @r0ckst4rjk @vee-ai @aiikuraa @melileli0001 @rinshoe @vinivave @yell0wdreams @sukunasleftkneecap @malikazz243 @sad-darksoul @giannitaa @maliciousmace @name-insert @splxtscreen @kimvmarvel @ieathairs @janbannan @ja-zz @vangoes @starringz @ciscob1tes @theoriginaluzisimp @thirtykiwis @vivienne2000 @whydohumansss @purpleguk @simeon-lovergirl @missesgojosatoru @loveroftheoldestdream @mkaiiserr kazbrkker ancientimes thefirst-ofus animechick555 saccharinelixir seunnimg kookonsale
super sorry if ive missed anyone!
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starsomens · 1 month
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hi star!!
thinking about a really sloppy make out session rn. Like just sitting on his lap grinding on him, him getting hard underneath you running his hands all over your body. Then just leading to the nastiest sex and just being such a good girl for him :((
A/N: OH MY ANON- (i tired my best muah!)
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Warning: language, dirty talk, messy-ish sex, recording studio sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up), WE ARE JUST DIVING RIGHT INTO IT!
You both had a day off finally! So of course it was spent cuddled in bed, sleeping in and some homemade breakfast, you were even able to get some chores done around the house! However, that also meant you were finding a lot of old stuff and misplaced things as well. Noah was currently in the top cupboard going through some old things that had been pushed to the back.
"Old pasta sauce?" his voice echoed in the wooden space
"Mmm what's the date?"
"Last month," he hands it to you for you to toss "uh...old chocolate bar still in the wrapper?"
"really? Let me see?" he comes out of the space and hands you the bar of chocolate still in mint condition
"What you gonna eat it?" he chuckled "What brand is it anyway?" he asks looking at the item with you
"I can't remember," you flip it around and see the label had instructions? You read them out loud "Split the chocolate in half with you partner, and allow up to 20 minutes to take effect-OH OKAY! I know what this is," you could FEEL the blush creeping already remembering what this was
"Hey wait what do you mean you know? What is it?" Noah said as he tried getting the candy back from you
"It's nothing!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa wait minute," he stops recalling what the label said "is it...sex chocolate? The one that gets you horny and shit?"
"NO!"
"so.....yes?" he smirks at you finally swiping the chocolate from your hands and unwrapping it
"Noooaaahhhh" you whine
"Come on babe, you act like we haven't done worst shit than this," he pulls out the 3 sets of split chocolate "remember why I got a video camera?" he wiggled his eyebrows at you
"That's different...." you pout
"sure it is babe. Here," he opens a set and breaks off his half and popped it in his mouth passing you yours, "say ah princess,"
You sigh while he holds the chocolate aphrodisiac, you slowly open your mouth and he gently slips the piece on to your tongue as he drags your lips down a bit
"Such a good girl" he teased with the signature grin of his.
"shut up," you giggle shaking your head "now come on we still have one more cupboard to go through"
about 30 minutes later you in fact did not move to the next cupboard. It started with Noah taking his shirt off because he was feeling hot, which only made you stare at his back more. Those tattoos....and wide shoulders...and those arms.....
When he had caught you he stepped closer to you. He was practically looming over you with a deep and hungry stare. One that burned into your soul. His hand ghosts over your stomach and up between your breasts and to your neck. Sending a deep shiver down you spine that ended as a dull ache in your very core. He hoists you on to the counter and slots himself between your legs. His lips were fierce and hungry against yours as his hands claw at your to bring you impossibly closer.
It felt like you were hot and cold at the same time, you were anxious and impatient and you just NEEDED him. Luckily for Noah you were wearing an old tank top...old and flimsy enough for him to see your nipples peak when it got cold, and old enough for him to... *riiiiipp*
You breasts feel free from the cloth as it falls on to the counter
"No bra? Were you planning to get fucked princess?" His large hand cupped one of your breasts and took your nipple into his mouth.
"Mmm Noah," you shudder as he lets go with a pop
"tell me what you want...what you need pretty girl," he voice was low and deep. His pupils were blown and deep and with pure lust. Like a predator that had finally cornered it's pray. Noah lift you from the counter and carries you over to the sofa. His lips crashing down on yours with me and fever. First, he was doubting that that chocolate had even worked, but now he felt like he was ready to take you over and over again in every part of the house.
His tongue swipes across your bottom lip as it slips inside your mouth. Your tongues dance around in an erotic kiss. While his hands were busy, stripping you of your bottoms. He can feel his cock straining against his pants. The more he tasted you the more he wanted to taste and feel. And then need to fuck you senseless only piled on itself.
"need you Noah...so fucking bad...please," which each gap between your mouths you get out exactly what you wanted from him
"need little slut...need me deep in that pussy huh?" he teased, his lips moving to your ear to nibble it just a bit making a shaky breath escape from your lips. One of his favorite things to hear
"p-please..." oh and the begging how he loved it. Thank god he was only wearing his shorts, pushing them down and positioning himself between your legs. His fingers coming down to feel the wetness of your core. You were more slick than usual
"fuck you're so wet," he growls lowly, his middle and ring finger coated in your juices as he brings it back up to his mouth and licked it off his fingers. You couldn't help the deep blush that floods your cheeks as you watch him.
"alright pretty girl, keep those eyes on me...." he hoists your legs on to his shoulders, his lips kiss your left calf. A playful yet sly grin decorated his face as he rubs the tip of his cock up and down your slit, and god you needed him so badly. His eyes bore into yours as he finally positions himself and slowly pushes himself in , inch by inch. You feel that wonderful stretch and full feeling and you were already seeing stars. He pushes all the way in until the hilt with a deep groan as he watches your mouth fall open in pleasure.
"Fuck! So fucking..." he pulls out just a bit and thrusts back in "tight! Damn princess" he picks up a steady rhythm as he starts to steadily fuck you. You usually lasted so much longer but you already felt like you were going to cum, you eyes were dazed and unfocused, completely engulfed in the sensation of pleasure.
"F-fuck Noah...right there," you pant as he leans his weight down on your legs slightly to get in deeper
"here princess? Like it nice and deep huh?" he smirks as he starts to move his hips harder, faster and deeper
"Oh fuck! Y-yes!" you nails start to claw at his arms feeling that knot starting form in the pit of your stomach
"pussy so tight...and wet just for me..." he pants "Good fucking girl....taking my dick so good..." you could feel his cock starting to pound you to the verge of your orgasm
"N-noah...Noah! Oh god~"
"Gonna cum already? Gonna cum on this dick baby?"
"Y-Yea--oh fuck!"
"Cum....cum for me princess," his next 3 thrusts were enough to push you off the edge and finally cum around his cock. The chocolate completely enhancing your orgasm, as you tighten around his cock, your juices coating him. He keeps moving in and out at a slower pace. The sound of your cum as he thrusts into you filling in the silence of the home
"holy shit babe..... came so much just for me, like a good little slut....my good little slut," he sits back on his heels as he spreads your legs and watches as you drip down on to the couch, coating the entire length of his cock. He watches as his cock pumps in and out of your pussy. "look at that...taking it so fucking good...how about another baby? Gonna fill this pussy up so good,"
His grunts and groans only become deeper as he picks up his pace again. Your walls clenching around him, still sensitive from the last orgasm. Your continuous whines were filled with pleasure and ecstasy as your eyes roll back and your head falls limp. Completely lost in the pleasure, feeling every aching inch that he pumped into you.
"Fuck look at that....so fucking-ugh...."he huffs as he watches intently feeling himself edging closer and closer "Tell me where baby...where do you want it?"
"I-inside please...please Noah fuck!"
"Cum for me again baby.....gonna fill up this pussy....just cum for me again..."
You could feel him twitch inside, as he the sound of his skin slapping against yours filled the room. He starts to moan as he comes closer and closer.
"Com-coming! FUCK!," he hips give sloppy but strong pumps as he empties himself inside of you, he cock still pumping in and out, fucking his cum deeper into you. You cum again around his cock, your essence mixing with his, flooding on to you and him and the couch below
"Fuck! take it!...t-take it!" he growls as his thrusts slow down as he rides out both of your highs. His hips come to a halt, his body coming down to collapse on top of yours. The room was filled with your pants as you tried to catch your breath be very intense sex that just occurred. One thing was for sure you need to wash the couch before you have anyone come over, or before you even sit on it again as Noah’s head rests on your collarbone, he says between breaths.
“We…need….to buy…..more those….”
“More?” You ask in a half chuckle now believing what you had just heard. You still had another two sets that you could use and he was already thinking about buying more. “You.,.are something else” 
“You’re the one who bought them,” he answers with a chuckle as he kisses the skin of your shoulder. Making a mental note to find any local stores with the same or similar chocolate.
「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @vir-tually @tdopomymind @concretenoah @yourfavragingbisexual @calleyx13 @misspygmypie @lust-for-sacher @lolitasangel @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547 @itsmrsfuentes @lma1986 @alloraiona @daylightlvrs @millie-aubs @alittleblackmagic @cookiesupplier @sprokat @rafeyybabyy @foliosriot @foliosgirl
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kiyoomi-levin · 8 months
Text
somethin' new (miya twinsxF!reader) <NSFW>
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a/n i'm working on like 3 other fics rn but i found this in my drafts and thought it was good enough to publish (with a LOT of polishing ofc). I'm new to smut writing so I'm very insecure abt this but i hope u enjoy
summary::: your older brother atsumu likes watching porn. and the twins like trying shit out on you. aka porn w plot osamu focus bc he's best boy word count::: 2.9k warnings/triggers!!!::: non-con, step-cest, stockholm syndrome-ish, the miya twins are really fucking mean and possessive, double penetration (my fave! <33)
People think the Miyas are scariest when they lose, when they're arguing with each other, or when they're distracted during a serve. 
But you know them better–actually, you know them best.
They're scariest when they're fucking you.
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"I was watchin' porn yesterday and I wanna try somethin' new," Atsumu announces as he walks through into the living room, tossing his volleyball bag onto the couch. 
Osamu rolls his eyes, continuing to flip through his textbook at the kitchen table. 
"Why the hell would you watch porn when you got ‘er right here?" Osamu snaps back, hardly glancing up. Atsumu’s eyes shift to you as you squirm on Osamu’s lap uncomfortably. 
Osamu continues casually stroking your pussy with one hand as the other holds you down. 
You’re shaking– he’s been at this for twenty minutes now, reading his lecture notes as he continuously edges you. You haven’t given in yet, though. 
You know he’s just waiting for you to beg him for it.  
It's still hard to believe that you’re dripping on his lap and he won’t stop memorizing vocabulary for his upcoming exam.
As a final year university student, Osamu’s been under a lot of pressure. What better way to alleviate it than to play with his favorite toy?
Atsumu takes in the scene in front of him, smirking when he makes eye contact with you. You quickly turn away.
Although the twins share you, it still feels wrong when one of them catches you in the act with the other.
“Ya sure you don’t even wanna hear? I know you’ll like it, ya freak,” Atsumu says, now glancing at his brother.
You shiver at Atsumu’s words and Osamu frowns as he moves his hand away from your lap.
"Fine. Out with it, asshole," he murmurs, finally distracted from his studies. He shoves his papers aside, full attention on you now. From the corner of your eye, you see Atsumu light up. 
It’s almost comical to see the twins this way.
Always fighting, always competing— but when it comes to you they're a single organism.
"I was watchin' my favorite porn star-- ah, don't be jealous, y/n! I only watch her for inspiration because she's freaky-- and I saw her take two in one hole." 
Your eyes widen.
You wouldn't be able to take it.
"No, please," you whisper, holding your breath. Osamu’s body flexes under you reflexively.
When have you become such a pussy?
You were always the outspoken, little step-sister who fought her brothers tooth and nail for the last slice of cake. 
Nobody could have excepted them to fuck the brat out of you within a month of moving in together.
Osamu surprisingly agrees with you.
"Nah. I'm not into rubbin' dicks with you," he says, both hands on your chest now. The thought of being that close to a naked Atsumu makes him grimace.
Atsumu rolls his eyes.
"I'm not into that shit either, but I wanna see her take it." You wince as Osamu pinches your nipples, hard. He's gone completely silent, which isn't a good sign. 
“It’ll be a little painful, but I know she’ll be able to pull through,” Atsumu continues, carefully watching Osamu’s expression.
The Miya fans would be shocked to discover that Osamu's a sadist, more so than Atsumu. 
While Atsumu wipes away your tears, Osamu enjoys watching them stream down your face.
When Osamu doesn't respond, Atsumu sighs and rubs his head, frustrated. He’d been looking forward to this since last evening, when he had to jerk off to the sounds of you and Osamu going at it.
"Fine then. I'll try it myself with a toy. I bought a new dildo for her, ya know. And it's bigger than you."
No further words are needed—Osamu pulls his hands out of your shirt, and you feel him physically fuming behind you.
He's possessive, stupidly so, and hates when Atsumu buys you disgusting silicon toys and shit. 
He really doesn't understand his twin sometimes. 
Why buy toys, why watch porn, when you, his adorable, precious little bitch, exists? 
Osamu would rather lose a game at nationals before you cum off a piece of vibrating plastic. 
And he won't admit it, but deep down he's scared. Scared that it'll satisfy you better than he can. 
The less competition, the better. He's already competing with Atsumu on a daily basis.
Atsumu, who can make you squirt faster than he can. Atsumu, who makes you laugh. Atsumu, who, Osamu knows, you favor.
Maybe it's because the little shit handles you just a little better in bed. 
Osamu picks you up from classes, purchases expensive jewelry and takes you out to get sweets every week, you still shy away from his touches.
So Osamu has given up-- if you're gonna hate him anyways, he'll do whatever he wants. 
And that’s why you’re always left a humiliatingly wet mess whenever he uses you. 
"Fine. Ya better take a shower first, you fuckin' freak," Osamu says, pushing you off his lap. 
Atsumu smirks, cracking his fingers and wrists.
"You be preppin' her, 'Samu."
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It feels good, but you don't want to admit it.
You’re lying on your shared king-sized bed, trying to hold back tears and moans as Osamu eats you out, pumping three of his long fingers into you quickly. 
Between the two of them, Atsumu can get you to cum faster. But Osamu gets you to cum harder. His every move is calculated–from every lick to every moment of rest he gives you.
Osamu's on a mission to get you to beg.
"Samu, please," you breathe, gripping the bed sheets. You feel him smiling, and you grip at the bedsheets. All the teasing he’d been doing before Atsumu got home is quickly catching up to you. 
“What was that?” He asks, his dark eyes taking in the conflicting emotions washing over your face. When you don’t respond, he leans back and slaps your pussy, hard. Your eyes widen in pain, and you can’t help the squeak that you release, to his satisfaction.
You’re wet, and he knows it’s not a fluke. You want him. He hasn’t trained you over this past year for nothing.
“‘You aren’t bein’ too mean, are ya?” Atsumu asks, stepping out of the bathroom, rubbing his hair with a towel. He’s shamelessly naked, hard from hearing your cries from the shower. 
Atsumu surveys your body, admiring the marks his twin has placed on you. 
A small part of him is thankful his brother is willing to play the role of mean cop. Atsumu gets to reap the rewards of consoling you—although he too enjoys seeing you covered in bruises and left in tears.
He’d never hurt you himself though. He likes cuddling with you and loves the way you laugh at his lame jokes too much. 
Osamu snaps him back to reality, standing up as he wipes his shiny lips with the back of his hand.
“She’s ready.”
Atsumu grins. His brother is strangely meek today---probably from you refusing to go to his practice game the other day. You had enjoyed a nice picnic date with Atsumu instead (although that ended with you shaking and moaning in Samu’s arms that night).
“I guess I’m first?”
“Ladies first.”
“You’re a bitch, ya know that?” Atsumu spits, rubbing his dick with his left hand and soaking his right in your wetness. Osamu laughs, pulling off his shirt in a smooth motion.
You, on the other hand, can’t stop shaking. The thought of having two of them in a single hole is almost too much to wrap your head around. With Osamu’s length and Atsumu’s girth, you’re sure you won’t be able to take it. 
What if you tear? Surely they’d stop if you beg hard enough.
For now, you can’t do anything but accept this. 
From what you’ve observed, when the twins are playful in bed, you shouldn’t resist.
Lost in your thoughts, you gasp as Atsumu yanks you towards him—he’s sitting at the head of the bed, leaning against the wall. You gulp as you find yourself hovering above his dick, facing Osamu, who’s busy tossing Atsumu's towel onto the ground.
“Aw, baby. Calm down, won’t ya? You know it hurts more when you’re nervous.” 
Atsumu brings your face towards him, grip so tight you couldn’t turn away if you wanted to. 
His rough hands, thick from years of volleyball training, gently smoothes out your hair, and he begins to press kisses on your jawline. The motion is so welcoming that you momentarily forget he’s the one to propose this in the first place.
Osamu sighs, frustrated.  
“Get on with it, won’t ya?”
Atsumu frowns at him, pulling away from you. 
“And that, ‘Samu, is exactly why she likes me better than ya,” he says, slamming you onto him in a single motion.
It hurts!
You groan, fingers twitching. It hurts already, he’s especially hard today. What’re you going to do when it gets to the meaner twin?
Atsumu pets your clit, grinning as he feels you begin to melt into his chest. He knows exactly how you like it. That spongy spot, right… there. Your groan turns into a moan as he shifts his hips, aiming to reach deep inside of you. 
Osamu doesn’t break eye contact with you as he slowly gets onto the bed. He’s in no hurry, unfortunately. 
If he wasn't such an asshole, you'd find him hot.
You really do love his gorgeous eyes and gray hair. 
"Stop bein' a dick and get on with it," Atsumu says. He scowls at his brother, who continues to simply stare at you. 
Both of them know Osamu doesn't want to actually hurt you. He'd never break you.
You're too precious.
"W-what?" Your shaky voice intrudes into his thoughts. 
You've gone red and stopped clawing at Atsumu's unrelenting hand.
Did he say that out loud? He must have, because Atsumu is laughing now.
Fuck. 
This isn't the time to be embarrassed, though.
Osamu reaches forward, lining his dick next to his brother's. 
To be honest, he was never opposed to the idea.
Yeah, Atsumu's a disgusting pig, but he's his twin. 
There's an unbreakable bond between them and knowing they share so much DNA sometimes makes Osamu feel as though they're just one person in two bodies. He’s honestly willing to try anything that Atsumu proposes (except get him off, of course, he’ll leave that to you).
Taking a deep breath, he begins to push, using his precum as lube.
Fuckkkkkk.
Osamu's pretty sure everyone had the same thought at that exact moment.
It's so tight. It's so warm. It’s hurting you, for sure. But it feels too good to stop. 
For you, it’s suffocating, being stuck between two muscular twins. And, once again showcasing their unspoken connection, they begin to carefully move in and out of you at the same pace. 
It hurts now, and tears are burning behind your eyes, but there’s that little voice in your head telling you to just relax and enjoy it—it’ll feel good.
Why? Why does it have to feel so good when this is all wrong?
Fundamentally, twins shouldn't be sharing the same girl, at the same time.
That same girl should especially not be their little sister whom they've been older brothers to for a decade.
But what does it matter now?
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Atsumu's in heaven. This is better than he imagined, actually. He’s decided that he’ll take the easy route, playing with your soft breasts and sucking hickies into your neck. His dick has gone still as he simply enjoys the fast pace Osamu fucks you at. 
While there’s a slight burn against his cock every time Osamu moves, the pain only intensifies the pleasure. 
Osamu’s eyebrows are furrowed as he focuses on watching his dick pump into you. He wants to curse out Atsumu for being so lazy, but at the same time— he’s always liked to be in charge. 
That voice was right, because it’s feeling good now. Your brain buzzes pleasantly and you’re losing control of your legs. 
Atsumu's moaning into your ear, Osamu's grunting with every push, and you feel hyper aware of every motion as you're slipping away. 
The dull lights of the room begin to blur.
You're crying now. Your toes are curling and drool slips out of the corner of your mouth. How stupid you must look right now.
How long has it been? 5 minutes? 5 hours?
It has to be at least that long or else the numbness that you’re beginning to experience down there doesn’t make any sense.
Atsumu has resumed his efforts in making you feel good, overstimulating every fiber of your being as he wipes away your tears and nuzzles your neck. It’d be an innocent gesture if he wasn’t rubbing circles onto your clit.
Osamu has been working like a well-oiled machine, admiring your broken face and how good his lower half feels, circulating adrenaline throughout his body. 
Just looking at you, choked up and crying, is enough. 
"I'm cumming..." he whispers. No, he’s not. He can’t. 
Not before his stupid twin does. And certainly not before you do. 
"Come on, baby, beg for it," Atsumu whispers into your ear, as if he can read his brother’s thoughts. 
Maybe they do have some sort of telepathy. Atsumu reaches forward and gently pushes down on your lower belly. You groan immediately. The slight pressure has your walls rubbing against their dicks even tighter now, and Osamu’s now grinding against that spot you love.
You’re gonna cum. Or pass out. Maybe both. 
"Please!" You shout. Fuck pride. "Please, please, please, ‘Samu, please cum."
Annnd he’s coming. Osamu reaches out, grasps your neck, and squeezes. 
Your cries are the only thing he can hear, loud enough to drown out Asumu’s words, and he’s losing sensation in his hips—
“Fuck, I love you, y/n…” Osamu says, admiring the way your eyes roll to the back of your skull. 
Even as your eyesight flickers, you make out this confession, lips automatically parting to moan. 
You tighten as Osamu releases in you, Atsumu following suit shortly after (something he’ll bully Osamu about later, no doubt).
There’s a certain stillness in the room as Osamu immediately slips out of you and turns away. Post-nut clarity’s setting in, and he realizes he’s not as fond of dick rubbing with Atsumu as he was a few minutes ago. 
Atsumu’s still panting in your ear, and, after a few moments of rest, gently eases himself out of you. Unlike his usual self (who insists on cuddling with you after the deed, no matter how much bodily fluid you’re covered in) he allows you to roll away from him, still recoiling from the strong orgasm.
Surprisingly, the lazy asshole leaps off the bed first today. 
“I’ll be taking a shower first. Alone.”
You muster enough energy to glance at him, then at Osamu. It’s so awkward you’d run out of the apartment if you could. 
Osamu knows his brother is being especially kind today, letting him speak to you in private.
As Atsumu strides towards the bathroom, he catches Osamu’s eye and winks, smirking at Osamu’s middle finger.
Osamu can basically hear his twin’s inner voice— this is just payment for the fuck.
You shut your eyes, registering the closing bathroom door. Now that the pleasure has subsided, you realize that you’re just in pain. Your chest and hips, especially, from Atsumu’s relentless teasing and Osamu’s rough handling. 
Damn it. You’re meeting with your friends tomorrow, how’re you going to hide these marks on your neck from them? 
From the way Osamu had choked you, you’re almost certain there’s going to be a bruise. You do have that leftover, crusty concealer that Atsumu got you a few months back—
“y/n, do you hate me?”
Osamu’s deep voice interrupts your thoughts. 
Your mouth instinctively opens, but you hesitate.
No. 
“No.”
Because you really don’t. Despite everything they put you through, you can’t bring yourself to hate them. 
Osamu lets out a silent sigh of relief, turning back to look at you. 
“Do you love me?”
You can’t answer him as quickly this time. 
Osamu and Atsumu were your brothers. They had been by your side for all of your childhood.
 They were the first ones to teach you how to ride a bike, how to multiply and divide, how to cook rice. 
They had been your first love. And even now… you’re relieved they’re with you, not in the bedrooms of other girls.
“I… do,” you admit. Fuck. You’re crazy. You know that. But you do. 
Even though you don’t want to admit it, you’re just as twisted as your brothers. You bury your head under the covers as the heat rushes to your face. 
“I wanna marry you.” Osamu suddenly announces, ripping back the blanket you’re holding to your face. He examines your blushing cheeks, and reaches down to grab your hand. 
Yeah, it’d look much fucking better with a shiny ring. He should look into a jewelry maker first thing tomorrow morning.
“Nope. I already called dibs, ‘Samu,” the blonde haired setter interjects, throwing open the door as if awaiting his cue. 
“Like months ago. Actually, years ago.”
Osamu frowns, prepared to retort back that actually, remember that you didn’t even like her when we first met her? You told dad you didn’t want him to marry mom because you didn’t want a sister, you little–
“We’re all Miyas here,” you say, predicting another fight. Despite your tiredness, you can't help but smile. 
Yeah, you do love them.
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a/n fun fact: i wrote this while meeting with my business class project group two semesters ago >.< depraved shit FR.. also no final read-through as usual bc i'm literally cringed out by my own writing LOL
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waldau · 8 months
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put a ring on it — lee jihoon | 1,236 words | fluff, hurt/comfort
can y'all tell i love this man a bit too much? like, this is way too sappy even by my standards. inspired by me forgetting my ring one morning and feeling extremely uncomfortable without it.
gender neutral reader. warnings: one gross(ish) fact about the human body.
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jihoon’s not going to make a big deal out of this. he’s not going to make a deal out of this on any scale. not when this is the first proper date you’ve been on in almost a whole month.
it’s his fault, definitely, what with managing making songs and practicing for their comeback and being unable to sleep because of all the ideas buzzing around in his head. it went on till bumzu forced him out of the studio and made him take some time off for you, if not for his own sake.
oddly, the date’s going well. you look amazing, the food’s great, and he’s feeling more relaxed than he has in a while, all thoughts of deadlines pushed back because he’s worked enough to take on new projects.
jihoon knows he’s still not the best with being affectionate with you, and doesn’t match up to the way you’re so casually affectionate with him, despite how much he wants to be.
but it’s not so bad that you’d just stop wearing your promise ring, is it?
you’d been ecstatic when he’d first given it to you, pointing out how much he’d been blushing and how shy he’d been to tell you what it meant to him, and for the two of you, but now your hand looks bare without it. it looks wrong.
to make things worse, you don’t even seem mad with him. you’re talking to him like you normally do, asking him about his work and how all his friends are, telling him about how your day’s been. any other day, he’d love to listen fully to everything you have to say, but today it feels like your words are flowing in through one ear and leaving through the other.
you’ve both neared the end of your meal, and you still haven’t brought up why you’re not wearing the ring. jihoon’s sure he’s beginning to feel sick. did you just forget it after all these months of wearing it? is this your way of telling him that you’re done, you’re moving on, you have better things to spend your time on?
“do you want to go for a walk?” he asks, almost out of breath, when you finish telling him about a new movie you watched with your friends last week.
“what?”
“right now. it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together like this, and i just…don’t want it to end. if that's okay?”
you give him an apologetic smile. “i’m really tired today, hoonie. just want to go home and cuddle with you.”
ouch. okay. at least you didn’t turn him down entirely. and called his place home.
but the doubt doesn’t go away even when you’re in the car with him, singing to songs on the radio while you drive, laughing at how terrible your own voice is. any other day, jihoon would join in to tease your voice, but he doesn’t have the courage to do it right now. he watches you and thinks about what to do next, and more importantly why you’re not bringing it up.
you go into the bathroom first to take a shower, and come out wearing your sweatpants and one of his shirts. but your hand is still empty.
jihoon can’t take it anymore. he turns around resolutely to avoid facing you, trying to shut his mind before he says something stupid. the bed dips on your side and he knows you’ve turned to face him.
“hoonie?” you ask softly. “everything okay?”
“yeah,” he says, burrowing his face deeper into his pillow.
"are you sure?"
jihoon shrugs.
“okay, can i just…” you wrap an arm around his waist so your face rests in his neck, and he instantly relaxes against you. “tell me if this is too much.”
“not too much.”
you just stay together in silence for a while, jihoon just taking in your presence. it’s crazy how he doesn’t take more days off when it’s you he gets to come home to.
“did you know?” you ask, your words laced with a tone he's come to learn indicates you’re up to some mischief.
he shakes his head.
“earwax is a type of human sweat.”
jihoon’s broken out of his thoughts at that, turning to face you with an expression he hopes conveys disgust. you laugh loudly, poking his cheek.
“that’s what you wanted me to know?”
“just wanted to make you react somehow. tell me, what’s wrong?”
he shakes his head. “it’s nothing. i got over it.”
“i’ll believe that when you come crawling to me for cuddles.”
jihoon glares at you. “i don’t crawl.”
“but you haven’t asked me yet, so…”
jihoon knows he’s not going to get out of this, and it’s for the best if he doesn’t. “you didn’t wear your ring today.”
“i…what?”
he knows he’s being shifty. “it’s just…you weren’t wearing your ring when we went out for our date tonight. and you didn’t wear it after your shower, either.”
“i didn’t think you’d notice,” you say.
he sighs. “i’m not…i know i’m not very physically affectionate, and this ring is my way of reminding you i’m always there. for you. so i just felt…you know.”
you shake your head and the next thing he knows, he’s being pinned to the bed while you straddle his waist, giving him a stern look.
“lee jihoon.”
“oh, no.”
“how long have we been together for now?”
“um…a year?”
“are you asking me, or are you telling me that?”
“telling. one year.”
“have i ever once hinted at wanting to break up with you for whatever reason?”
“…no.”
you show him your hand. it’s bare, but when he looks closer, he realizes there’s a skin-coloured band-aid taking the exact place of your ring.
“what…”
“little accident when i was cutting an apple for myself. it’s nothing. i’ve been wearing my ring the way you do,” you say, tugging at your chain you’ve been wearing all evening long. it’s only then that he sees his ring sitting on it like it’s always belonged there.
“i love it just as much as you do, hoonie. of course i want it with me all the time. besides, i told you you’re stuck with me forever, didn’t i?”
jihoon can’t stop smiling like an idiot. when you first met and fell in love, it was new to him, because the love he’d written about in his songs was nothing like what he felt for you. if his songs were two dimensional, loving you and being loved by you was four dimensional.
not to mention all the songs you've inspired him to write about you, songs you get to listen to when you're in his studio, on his lap. just his whole world in one room.
he’s been working to keep that feeling between you both every single day, given he used to wonder how you’d ever understand and accept the part of his life that was music. but you have. and it’s been a whole year since you changed his perception about love.
on a whim, he tugs you down by your chain to press a kiss to your lips, and it ends up with you sprawled on top of him, laughing into his neck. just a year ago, he wouldn’t even have imagined this, but now, it feels right.
because it’s you.
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taglist: @bookyeom
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gildedkrone · 10 months
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As long as you're next to me, just the two of us
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request from somebody asking for military reader with internalised homophobia. john price x male reader
"You really ought to not blow your cigar smoke onto me, you know?"
The warm embers of spent tobacco, an all too familiar sight in the dark, starry night, and he's smiling, albeit faintly. He takes an audible suck of air, and the embers glow brighter and fade into a dull orange.
"Thought yer used to it by now," Price blows the hints of something scorched gently across your nose and you fan the smoke away with a flick of your hand.
"I don't smoke, John." He blinks and nods to take another chuff of the cigar as you look away then back at him.
He says he knows. Infernally glorious bastard of a captain and he's content with the warm tranquility settled into the space and the cigar is the last thing the mind's got time for. On the rooftop, the stars are ever distant in the cosmos’s grasp and he moves to lay with his back to the railing, almost close enough to touch. But he doesn't come any closer than that and a healthy distance remains between you and him.
"How many years has it been?"
Five. Five years since he appeared in his lieutenant uniform with SAS patches sewn neatly onto the vest and now? Now, he's a captain of a famed task force and chasing a terrorist halfway across the world with a short break in between his ever-growing catalogue of missions. The rank suits him well, suits him and his beard nicely as he grew into the man standing before you.
All's well. If all's well, then why does it feel as if there's a divide between you and him?
"You know," his head angles towards you when the silence fills with murmurs, "I never did congratulate you on your promotion, John."
"Never too late to do so, sweetheart."
"You call everyone that? Bet your lieutenant wouldn't take it well. That mask—"
"Not him." The words are scented with woodsy, "Nobody else gets to be a sweetheart." And he's saying it so sincerely, it’s impossible to doubt the truth and intensity in his words.
"Exceptions? You're not being fair, captain."
He scoffs and you take the time to admire his visage with a subtle lean towards him. The left eyebrow hitches a little, then it falls back to its place and he's smiling warmly as the cigar burns away in crumbling ashes falling to the wind under the pale moonlight.
"How's your love life? Still seeing Sandy?" The sudden change of topic and you cock your head slightly and he grimaces slightly to have felt some sense of chagrin at poking the sore wound in your heart.
"We broke up a month ago." He lowers the cigar, "She just, didn't want to be in a relationship with a military man, you know? All the absences made her mad and she just ... left."
"On a Thursday afternoon."
He listens so attentively; he's reminiscent of the cadets under your care when they first arrive at sergeant bootcamp. A little awestruck and very much eager to learn and get going and you lean in closer for a look at the new-ish scar marring the area above his eyebrows.
"You've gone and hurt yourself again, eh?"
Fingers brush across the region of his face gently as his face is pliant in your hands and tilts with each nudge to facilitate your examination of his new battle scar. Eventually, you release his face and he runs a hand through his scar absentmindedly.
"You datin' again?"
"No such luck. Tinder's trash these days. All you'll ever find are people down to fuck and run. 's not much better on the other dating platforms too."
"Just women?" The parting of your lips and nothing comes out; the words don't come as they should.
"Just women. I-I ... I’ve never considered other men, John."
"Why not?"
It's a moment of confusion—you entertain his queries about manhood and love. What do you say to that? It's a minefield of emotions and memories tangled with barbs and spikes laden with the flags of youth and curiosity shaped into a spitball refusing to be verbalized.
"I don't think another man could ever love me. And ..." The forgotten cigar in his hands dull and the soft cerulean eyes are gently imploring you to continue, "I ... well, it's wrong and I ... don't know if I can do it."
He nods empathetically and you lean back into the railing to find fleeting interest in the moon. How did the conversation morph into this weird mess of clunky and awkward conversations?
"Well, I have a problem when it comes to dating." Oh? Go on, and he does go on.
"I met a man, and I don't know if he fancies me the way I fancy him."
"Really? I'm glad for you, John. What is he like?"
It's cute how his brows furrow slightly when he's in deep concentration and he says—valiant and resplendent. The vigor of the sun, the ferocity of the lion, and the tenacity of the stars.
"Valiant? Resplendent? You must really like him to hold him at such a regard."
"It's not an exaggeration, lieutenant."
Who had managed to capture John's heart to such a degree? You lose interest in the moon to lay the brunt of your attention on him. His eyes dart away into inkiness night then back at you and its kept steady as a sniper's hands in a high-tension scenario.
"Have you tried telling him? About how you feel?"
"You have tips? ‘M not sure quite how to break it to him."
He seems mildly amused by the chuckle and you regale him with strategies and tactics to win over the mystery man Price loves so much. Everything you’ve learnt from the trashy romance novels stashed in your drawers never to be seen any other service personnel. Even if they would never find their place with another man.
"So, a hand grasp and a head tilt, lots of eye contact, and a heartfelt confession? It’s certainly shorter than the list on the web.”
“Mmhm, it’s that simple.”
He asks if you would entertain his request to rehearse it. You humor him and step away from the railing to face him head on. He clears his throat and warmth envelops your hand in a hand shaped like John’s. His body posture is open and inviting, and he’s putting in the effort to treat it seriously.
His hands clasped with yours is so damn warm and fiercely domestic, and his fingers are gentle when they tilt your head upwards slightly. Something in your heart twists slightly at the endearment in his eyes; you’ve been privy to aggression, bloodlust, and anger in them. But not this. Blood hammers in your ears and you keep your face schooled in blasé calm even if his grasp is uncharacteristically soft and yet, harbored the love he had in his being.
“I love you, sweetheart.” The words are painful to hear on ears not meant for them and instincts are warring in your head in tumult.
You cough gently to realign his focus with the moment.
“Yeah, so, that is how you do it, John.”
“I love you, sweetheart.”
“That’s what you would say that to the man you love so much.”
His throat swallows harshly and his hand remains on your chin. He eyes search for something, and he says it again.
“I love you, sweetheart.”
What is he doing? He cuts you off before you can start.
“I’m saying it to the man I love.”
Whiplash. Whiplash at the revelation as your lips part to reveal hollow words and empty reconciliation of the revelation and your thoughts. No. This—
“I mean it. Whole heartedly. Fully.”
“John … I—I can’t love you, not—”
“I’ll wait. As long as it takes.”
“Why? Why the fuck would you choose me? Of all the men and women in the world and you’ve gone and loved the one person who can’t give you anything! John, why?”
His hands are still clasped around yours and laced around your runaway heart. Don’t leave.
“Because it’s what the heart wants, love.” He tugs you in closer and in a moment of stupor, you feel the warmth emanating from him against the chilly night.
“It’s wrong—” And by god, it’s so fucking hard to tell him why it’s wrong when he’s looking at you like that. All worried and desperate to alleviate whatever you were feeling.
“I don’t want to be the fool who dies with a million regrets. And this is fixing it.”
He’s so close but he’s waiting for permission to breach the last barrier of that defensive wall built around the wastelands of the heart. He wipes away the tears which had formed, and soft lips are all you can feel when he closes the gap. Plush, soft lips press against yours and his embrace is all encompassing even as your eyes are shut to close out the world. He comes into view when warmth of his lips disappears and shakes rattle your body in his arms.
“I’ll be here for as long as you want me, sweetheart.”
He means it.
“’m not leaving, unless you tell me to.”
“John, I … I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll figure it out together. Me and you, we will find our way as a unit. Together, we’ll do it together.”
He is deadly serious again. “If you tell me to leave, I’ll leave.”
“No … I—I don’t want you to leave. I’m so fucking scared, John.”
“I’m here.” He is here. His hands on your back are proof of his existence in a world bending into a pinpoint of focus that is only John and his features and his exhales on your cheeks. What were you supposed to say? Or do?
There’s no need to do anything.
And maybe, just maybe, that is enough of a promise for you that everything is going to be ok—if it's John, and this was fine, more than fine. Your nod is what John needed to bring your foreheads together.
“Thanks fer trusting me, love.”
The hints of tobacco smoke don’t smell as acrid as they did a while ago and the night isn’t so cold anymore. Not when he wears his heart on his sleeves and draped over you in the moonlight.
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girlgenius1111 · 9 months
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you don't have to pretend with me
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ona x reader -sickfic ish
from a request- the req was for r with chronic pain but i've never experienced that and i didn't want to write it incorrectly, so i changed it to something i have some history with :)
You hadn't had a real period in years, having been on birth control since you were a teenager. It really limited the effects of your horrible symptoms. It was simple- a shot in your ass every three months was something you could handle. However, you'd completely forgotten to get it this time. Normally you planned your next visit at the end of your appointments, but the secretary had been out, so you were supposed to call to schedule the next appointment. It had completely slipped your mind, and by the time your realized your mistake, it was too late, and they told you that you had to wait 3 months from when you were supposed to get it, in order to not mess up the cycle.
It didn't really make much sense to you, but you didn't have a choice. All you could hope was that it wouldn't be as bad as you remembered it. The first month wasn't bad, barely more than what you usually dealt with on the shot. The second month was worse, but still, manageable, especially considering it came during an off week. You were quickly approaching the third month, and you knew it wouldn't be as easy this time.
2 days before you were supposed to get it, you found yourself in a heinous mood. You'd been short with everyone, all day, even Ona. Ona, your girlfriend, who had literally no idea what was going on. It felt ridiculous to you, to complain about what was going on when every other woman dealt with it to. You'd never heard Ona complain about her period, and you didn't want her to think you were weak.
More than that, you weren't sure she'd believe you. In your last relationship, anytime you were sick or in pain, your girlfriend didn't believe you, or told you that you were being dramatic. You didn't really realize how this affected your relationship with Ona, but as you hadn't told her this, she didn't know you'd been hiding almost any sign of weakness from her.
So, you just mumbled something about having an off day when she asked why you were so grumpy. She pretty much left you alone the rest of the day, giving you the space she assumed you wanted. The only time she spoke to you was to come into the living room where you were curled up on the couch, and wish you a goodnight, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead.
-----
You woke up in the middle of the night to the sensation that someone was standing on your abdomen. It had been so long since you'd actually had cramps, you were almost alarmed, until you realized what was going on. You didn't want to get any blood on the bed, nor did you want to wake Ona up for something so trivial, so you quietly padded into the bathroom, changed your pajama shorts, and then headed out into the kitchen in search of some painkillers.
Every step was agony, and you were walking hunched over, as what you could only describe as lightning strikes of pain rippled through from your belly button down to your core whenever you tried to straighten up. You didn't make it to the cabinet you kept the medicine in, instead collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table. As soon as you sat, the zaps of pain were replaced by a continuous ache across your stomach, and around to your back.
You couldn't help the groan you let out, as you twisted uncomfortably in your seat to try to relieve the pain. It didn't work. You knew what would work, but you were absolutely sure you couldn't stand up again and make it to the medicine cabinet. Instead, you put your head in your hands, feeling tears slowly leak out of your eyes. That only made you more frustrated, which in turn made you cry harder, until you were trying to stifle sobs with your hands at the kitchen table, in the dark, at 1am.
-----
Meanwhile, Ona woke to an empty bed. She remembered you climbing in with her after she'd already gone to sleep, waking up just enough to roll into you and smush herself as close as she could. This time, though, your side of the bed was empty and cold, and Ona was disgruntled. Sleepy Ona was a grumpy Ona, something you knew very well, and she squinted her eyes open, looking over at the bathroom door, seeing if you'd just gotten up briefly. The light was off in there, though, and your side of the bed wasn't warm, indicating that you'd been up for at least a couple minutes. Sighing heavily, Ona sat up, intending to wait for you, arms crossed, to return to bed. When she saw no lights were on in the rest of the house, though, she decided to get up and find you.
The only thing she could think was that you'd gone to sleep on the couch, which didn't make any sense. You'd been grumpy yesterday, sure, but you'd gone to bed with her, and allowed her to snuggle up to you, which you wouldn't have done if you were angry. Walking down the hall, heading for the living room, she heard an odd noise in the kitchen.
She changed directions, turning right instead of left, and discovered you, slouched over at the table, crying softly into your hands. Ona was immediately distraught at the idea of you getting up in the middle of the night and leaving your bed to cry by yourself, no matter what the reason, and not waking her.
"Cariño, qué pasó?" she asked, voice raspy with sleep. At her words, your head snapped up, looking at Ona with pain etched clearly across your face. "Amor," she says sympathetically, moving forward to stand by your side.
"Oni, go back to bed," you try, attempting to sound firmer than you felt.
"Not until you tell me what is wrong." Ona replies, actually succeeding in being firm. She brushes a loose strand of hair off your face, then combs her fingers through you hair. You melt at her touch despite yourself, before you hunch over again, another wave of pain shooting through your abdomen; you'd straightened up to much. You whimper quietly, and Ona's hand pulls off of you, worried she'd done something to hurt you. That gets you talking, never wanting Ona to think she's the cause of your pain.
"It's just cramps, Ona, I'm fine," you insist, even as your face scrunches uncomfortably, and you grit your teeth through another jolt. Though confused, seeing as though she'd never known you to have bad cramps, Ona wraps her arms around you without another thought, lifting you easily to carry you back to bed. She may be short, but she prides herself on being strong enough to carry you easily, despite your many objections. "Oni," you whine, yet still, you clutch onto her tightly, resting your head on her shoulder.
"Shh, let's get you back to bed."
Once Ona gently places you back on your side of the bed, she stands back, looking at you with a determined expression. It's almost funny really, the girl standing in front of you, wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts, wavy hair wild around her head, trying to look stern. Ona couldn't look stern, she wasn't capable. She could only ever look adorable, at least to you.
"What will help you feel better?" She asks.
You bite your lip for a moment, before the pain wins out over your independence. "Paracetamol, please," you murmur.
She nods once. "Anything else?"
You're sure there's something you're forgetting, but it's been so long since you've had cramps like this, and it hurts too bad for you to think straight. "I don't know," you whisper finally, tears spilling over again.
"Okay amor, relax, I will take care of you," the brunette says gently, leaving you with a peck on your forehead. She's only gone for a few minutes, but when she returns, you've curled yourself into a little ball on the edge of the bed, as far from her side as you could get, obviously trying not to bother her. Ridiculous, considering she wasn't going back to sleep until after you did.
She gives you the medicine, handing you a new cold water which you accept gratefully. Then, before you can tell Ona to get back in bed, she leaves the room again. She returns fast this time, holding something in her hands you don't recognize.
The defender doesn't explain, either, even though she notices the questioning look on your face. Instead, she climbs onto the bed behind you, and nudges you out of your ball to lay in between her legs, head resting back on her chest. Still silent, she rolls your shirt up, massaging the skin of your abdomen lightly. Her warm hands feel so good, you let out a sound of relief. Smiling to herself, Ona places the heating pad she brought with her across your abdomen, clicking it on. You soften completely against her, letting out a long sigh.
"Thanks, Oni," you mumble, and she kisses the top of your head in response. She isn't done with you though, patting your arm lightly when your eyes flutter close.
"Do you normally have cramps this bad?" she asks, because the thought of you hiding this from her, like you'd been doing tonight, once a month for the entirety of the time you've been dating, makes her nauseous.
"No," you tell her sleepily, briefly explaining the situation you'd found yourself in. Ona is quiet for a few moments.
"Why didn't you tell me? And why didn't you wake me up tonight?" she wonders, not able to fully hide the hurt in her voice. You're fully awake now, almost reading her mind as you realize what she's worried about; that you don't trust her.
"I didn't think it was a big deal," you say quickly. "And I didn't want to bother you with it, with something that every woman deals with," you justify.
"Amor, you hurting will always be a big deal to me." Ona insists. "You should have woken me up. Do you... do you not trust me? Did I do something to make you thing I would not take your pain seriously?" the brunette asks, and you wince at the question. This was your problem, not Ona's. Could she not see that?
"No, Oni, of course I trust you. It's... it's not about you." You pause. "I didn't want you to think I was being dramatic or weak."
"Why would I think that? Why would I not believe you when you say you are hurting?"
All she gets is a shrug in response, and she feels you shutting down again. Unwilling to let that happen, she presses you further.
"No, amor, tell me. Did someone make you feel that way? Like you could not be honest about how you were feeling?"
You don't respond for so long that Ona thinks you've fallen asleep, or just aren't going to answer.
"My ex. She used to tell me I was being dramatic when I was sick. She was right though, I was," you rush to justify.
Ona's arms tighten around you slightly, and it reassures you. When she responds, you recognize an angry tone in her voice, but also a protective one.
"That is not what a good girlfriend does. I will never do that. You are allowed to be in pain, and be sick. You are not being dramatic for feeling things. It does not make me think any less of you, and it certainly does not make me think that you are weak." Ona declares.
"Are you sure? I'd understand if you thought I was exaggerating." you say quietly. At this, Ona tilts your chin up and to the side, so she can look into your eyes.
"I found you crying at the kitchen table, you were in so much pain. That is not dramatic, not to me. I am sure." Ona promises, and she feels you relax against her, if only slightly.
"I love you," you say quietly, voice cracking on the last word.
"Te amo mucho, cariño. Mucho mucho." Ona pairs her words with several gentle kisses pressed into the side of your head.
"Ona?"
"Sí?"
"Can I go to sleep or will this light on fire if I don't turn it off," you ask seriously, referring to the heating pad laying across your abdomen. You've never used one before, and you aren't sure what the safety requirements are. Apparently, this is a dumb question, because Ona bursts out laughing, disturbing the quiet murmur of voices you both had been keeping to.
"Sí amor, you can go to sleep. I'll put you out if you light on fire, te prometo," she tells you, still laughing. You roll your eyes slightly before allowing them to flutter shut, even though you know Ona can't see the gesture.
"Wake me up if it starts to hurt again?" she asks, seriousness returning.
"Te prometo," you say, echoing her words for just a second ago. A grin tugs at Ona's lips at your spanish use.
"Bueno. Goodnight my pretty girl," Ona whispers into your hair, her use of an english term of endearment making you blush.
With that, both of you allow yourselves to drift off. You're sure, now, that Ona will not care if you wake her up. Ona is sure that you will wake her up. Or, that she'll wake up if you do, seeing as though you're sprawled on top of her. She doesn't expect perfection, or for you to start coming to her with all your problems right away. She finds that she doesn't mind having to demonstrate her love to you, though. If there's anything she loves to do, it's remind you, everyday, that she loves you unconditionally.
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