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onedirectionpreferences123 · 3 years ago

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Ghost of You // The Pogues

platonic!Pogues x Routledge!Female!Reader

warnings: season 2 spoilers all over the place, depression, physical abuse, mental abuse, child neglect, involuntary drug use, sexual assault, please read with caution

a/n: i combined two requests for this that were similar, so i hope you all enjoy!

part of #obx2celebration

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summary below the cut to avoid spoilers

summary: the day john b died in the ocean, you lost everything. you suffered without him, hovered a thin line with your life. when you find out he's alive, your world comes to a crashing halt and it's john b's turn to realize that maybe it was him that lost you.

When The Phantom disappeared in the ocean that night, your life crumbled with it. Any reserve you had for yourself, for your safety, went out the door. You were a prisoner in the Cameron household. Your friends had tried to fight for your freedom, but since Ward took over in the eyes of DCS, there was nothing they could do. They had to watch from the sidelines as you were ripped from their arms back into hell.

Ward had torn every bit of your resilience to shreds. The person your dad had raised you to be disappeared the moment you lost John B to the ocean. You were nothing without your family, without your friends. You knew allowing Ward to be your guardian was a bad move when he suggested it to John B, but your brother was very adamant at continuing to search for the gold that he didn’t care how it happened.

The Cameron Household was not as warm and inviting as you once thought it to be. Now, it was suffocating, like it was leeching every inch of positivity and hope you had left in you, not that there was much. You were a shell of the person you used to be, and you didn’t know if you could ever bring her back.

You got out once, on the rare miracle that you found. The window wasn’t latched properly and once you broke it, you took off. You didn’t make it far, not even off Figure Eight before the cops found you and dragged you back. That’s when it got worse. Ward was hovering your life above your head with limited meals and water. You never left your room, never felt the sun on your skin anymore. Rafe, however, was much worse. He got physical, took all of his frustrations and anger out on you as if it would make any bit of a difference. You were the sister of his enemy, of course he had a displaced aggression with you. His father was mad that your brother took Sarah away from him, from their family.

One time Rafe got you high. You weren’t sure what the hell he did, all you knew was that his bloodshot eyes were moving quickly around your weak frame when he gave you whatever he did to ease his conscience. It was like he thought fucking you up would fix him. You hated it, the feeling of helplessness, of not being in control of your own body. You never wanted to feel that out of control again.

You were stuck, taking the brunt of their violence so John B could rest peacefully, Lord knows where he ended up. The only thing that kept you from giving up was the hope that your friends would free you. You knew them, God, you knew them so well. JJ had probably paced a trench in the Chateau floor by now, Kie had the Camerons’ house layout drawn to a T, and Pope was no doubt already planning their next move. You just hoped you would be here to see it, to see them.

The room they kept you in was large, but it was so empty and it made your soul hurt even worse. The gray walls reflected your mood, the lack of furniture matching it. You had a bed and a bathroom, but that was about it. A small closet held your clothing, but besides that, it was empty and it was dreary, and it was depressing.

“There she is,” Rafe’s voice was raspy as he opened the door to the bedroom that was constantly locked. You had tried every which way to pickpocket it, using any trick JJ taught you, but you always came up empty handed. You barely spared him a glance as you curled tighter into yourself on the bed. “Come on, Y/N, we’re gonna have to be friends, you know? You’re gonna be here until you’re 18.”

You watched as he crossed the room, his bloodshot eyes scrambling to your face after a moment. He sat down on the bed in front of you, making you pull away even further. “If that’s the case, you can just kill me now.”

“Come on, Y/N!” He shouted angrily as you flinched away out of fear. “I’m trying to make this better for all of us!”

“The only thing that will make this better, is if you leave me the hell alone, Rafe!” You finally snapped, hands pushing against his chest to throw him back and hopefully off the bed. “You’re a murderer, you killed Peterkin and you practically killed John B too, so don’t talk to me about making it better. You’ve taken everything from me! Just leave me alone!”

Rafe’s hand encircled your wrist in seconds, the grip bruising with the extensive pressure on your already weak body. You feared he would snap the bone if provoked any further. “Don’t-Don’t talk about me like that.”

“It’s what you are, Rafe. Accept it,” You hissed. He shoved you violently from your safe spot, tossing you into the wall with a loud thud before you collapsed to the hard carpeted ground. “You killed my brother!” You screamed at him, throat burning with the force of it all as you finally stood up to him, finally told him what you had been mulling over since they pulled you from Kiara’s arms that night.

“I did it for a reason!” Rafe defended as he kicked your ribs harshly. “I did it for my dad, for my family!” He continued his aggressive assault as he attempted to find a legitimate reasoning for his actions.

Eventually, he gave up and left you alone as he walked out the door mumbling. You gasped a sob for air, your hand shaking as you hovered it over your stomach in pure pain. You were used to the screaming, to the aggressive movements, but Rafe was altogether your biggest fear. The way he spoke, his rapid mood changes, how violent he could get. He was what he sounded like: a cold blooded monster who murdered without a second thought.

You don’t know how long you laid on the floor, but it was long enough that you cried yourself to sleep. You were exhausted from the tears, the effort of staying alive. You were tired of fighting for yourself when there was nothing else to fight for.

The creek of the door sent another wave of exhaustion over you. There was no way you could take on Ward or Rafe in this state. You had no energy to fight back anymore. You pulled your legs tighter to your chest, praying whatever happened was over fast.

“Y/N?”

Your neck snapped up so fast you swore the bones cracked. JJ Maybank stood in the doorway with wide eyes as he surveyed the room around you. For a moment, you thought it was fake. Swore that Rafe was pulling a prank on you or worse.

“Shit,” JJ cursed as he stepped into the room and rushed to your side. He didn’t have time to fret over why you were lying on the floor, the clock was ticking. “Hey, come on. We gotta move fast before they come back home.” You let JJ pull you along in silence, fear consuming every inch of your body as he guided you through the Camerons’ house.

“How’d you get in here?” You mumbled as you tripped on the marble stairs and stumbled into JJ’s back. He didn’t falter at your movement and caught you with ease. He shifted you into his side, hiding behind certain walls and moving quickly to avoid getting caught by a surprise arrival.

JJ took his hat off his head and placed it on yours, pulling it down your forehead so you were hiding beneath it. “Pope and I studied the blueprints of the house, Kie had the cameras down, and here I am. Just had to wait for them to leave. Here, babe.” He pushed you under his khaki color jacket and ran through the side door. It was dark out, pitch black with the night sky as you followed JJ towards the street.

You froze upright in front of the sight of the Twinkie. It had been weeks since you’d seen it and it almost made you sick to your stomach. JJ stopped short of opening the door for you upon seeing the terrified look on your face. “Y/N/N, you okay?”

You didn’t move until he finally pulled you into the passenger’s seat. You cursed at yourself, feeling so stupid and useless after everything Rafe and Ward did to you. JJ hurried to start the van and take off, his path directly towards The Cut.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I should’ve moved, I just-” Your voice cracked as you started to panic. You had never made it this far from that room, in someone’s else’s car, let alone their supervision.

“Hey,” JJ mumbled as he reached across to grab your hand. “You’re alright, bubs. I got a surprise for you, okay? You’re never going back there again. We’re going home.”

JJ’s words didn’t sink in completely but you nodded nonetheless as the familiar streets and houses of The Cut started to appear. A warmth blossomed in your stomach at the idea of going home. Home. Where you could curl up in your brother’s bed and never leave again, never see Ward or Rafe and you could just be okay.

You weren’t expecting all of the lights to be on, or the sound of yelling and laughing echoing from your backyard. It made your heart sink, and your anxiety tripled when JJ just smiled and climbed out without a word or a sign that something was amiss.

Closing the door to the Twinkie, you moved slowly through the grass towards the source of the noise. JJ watched you as a smile slowly started forming on his face. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction so he didn’t say a word and just observed for once.

It took you ten seconds to find your brother, alive, smiling, and laughing with Sarah under his arm. It took John B fifteen seconds to recognize you were standing there, staring at him with a dropped jaw. Three seconds later he was running from the hot tub towards you, shouting your name. In six seconds, you were taking off towards the porch, away from his open arms and bubbly attitude. John B was alive. He was there. Home. Here. Twenty feet away from you, breathing, and watching as you ran away from him without a word.

You shoved JJ away when he tried to talk to you. Kie and Pope were nowhere to be found, and Sarah knew from the look on your face that you wanted nothing to do with her. Your mind was reeling. You felt like the dam burst and all of the emotions you had worked so hard to preserve were threatening to break free at once.

“What’s up with that?” John B asked once JJ returned from trying to talk to you.

The blond shook his head and climbed in the hot tub with a shrug. “I don’t know, man. She was pretty much silent the whole way here. Had a breakdown on me, but that was it. Maybe she’s just in shock. Just give her some time.”

John B frowned at the open ended comment. He climbed out of the warm water, giving Sarah and JJ encouraging smiles as he made his way to you. The first thing he wanted to do when they hit Charleston was run to your side. He had always been your protector, even more so when your dad disappeared. He hated running with Sarah, but you hadn’t been there at the dock that day, and John B couldn’t wait any longer so he had to leave and it was his biggest regret.

“Hey, baby bird.” John B intended for the nickname to bring a smile to your face but when you started crying instead, he panicked. “Come on, talk to me.” He sat down next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. When you didn’t answer, he held out the unopened can in his hand. “Want a beer?”

You looked up at him, your resolve slowly breaking in the presence of your big brother. “You never let me have beer.” Your words were harsher than intended and John B frowned but he couldn’t blame you.

John B sighs, cracking open the drink for himself as he pulls his arm back from your frame. “You know, I thought you would be excited to see me. Sarah and I had a crazy time, it was insane. We got picked up and taken to Nassau but then we had to run from the cops all over again and…”

As your brother continued to ramble about his time away from OBX, you couldn’t get past the fact that this boy in front of you was no longer your brother. He was different, more relaxed, less stressed, and he just seemed relieved. You couldn’t fathom the idea of John B not worrying about where you were, because you sat there, for every moment at the Camerons’ and mourned your brother and what could’ve been.

“You left me. You left me here, with them,” You blurted as you cut John B off.

He shook his head. “Y/N, you weren’t at the dock. You were gonna be with Kie, and JJ, and Pope, and I knew they would-”

“I wasn’t with them!” You snapped, knowing there was no stopping the anger in your system. “Did you ever wonder why I wasn’t at the dock, John B? That maybe something was wrong? Rafe found me at the boat hanger and he knocked me out and took me to their house. I haven’t been out of that stupid, shitty room until today.” You fought the tears in your eyes, your voice wavering with each word. “Rafe… Rafe and Ward took everything from me, John B. I didn’t have JJ, or Kie, or Pope. I didn’t have you. Do you understand that? You said you wouldn’t leave and you did.”

In that moment, John B really looked at you. In the shitty lighting of the string lights JJ had covered the yard in, he could see how exhausted you were. You were smaller than normal, your eyes dark and sad, and you just looked so… so broken. Then, he started paying closer attention, noticing the darkness that seemed to surround you. There were scabbed cuts, broken patches of skin, and just bruises. Everywhere.

“Y/N.” John B stood up, his hand slowly reaching out to you as his fingertips brushed the edge of your worn out tank top. He shifted the fabric to see large, dark bruises, ugly with purples and blues and greens. His mouth dropped. “What happened to you?”

You shook your head, pushing his hand away. “The Camerons happened. Don’t look at me with that expression, clearly I’m fine.”

“No, no you’re not. You’re not fine,” John B corrected as he reached out to pull you into a tight hug against his chest. “I’m so sorry, baby bird. I shouldn’t have left you. I’m not leaving you here, alone, ever again.”

In your big brother’s arms, you broke down. You sobbed, fingers clutching onto him tightly as he held you together as best as possible. There was no room for arguing anymore. John B was hit like a train with the realization that you weren’t safe when he left you, but he didn’t even bother to look. He felt sick with the idea of what you went through without someone here to fight for you, to protect you.

“I’m never leaving you here again,” He promised as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. You nodded softly, refusing to let him see your tear covered face. “Rafe and Ward will not win,” He continued as he glanced over at Sarah and JJ who were still joking back and forth. “I won’t let them. Not after this. Nobody gets away with hurting you like this.”

The two of you stood in silence for some time, with JJ and Sarah occupying most of the noise alongside the crickets and lapping waves of the water. For once, it seemed like everything would be okay; you had your big brother back, your friends were safe, everyone was happy. Neither of you were ready for the extent of chaos that was just around the bend; you would be losing your brother all over again, watching him break from the actions of your abusers, and everything would be crumbling, and crumbling, all over again.

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