#It's neat that someone I don't know influenced my day like this

[jicklet]

Never doubt your words can have an impact. An hour ago I was lying in bed reading about two characters having a heart-to-heart over some curry and garlic naan, and now I am fully dressed and have curry and garlic naan.

[warping-realities]

Bed and Breakfast

"I can't believe you're going to make me stay in a place like that." Said the beautiful woman with an arrogant tone towards her companion. Without realizing that she was being heard by the owner of the small and cozy coastal inn.

"Babe, calm down, the place is really nice and seems to be very comfortable. And it's highly rated on travel sites. We'll be lucky if there's room for us here."

"We wouldn't have to go through this if you had booked a hotel in advance."

"Laura, love. You decided on a trip to a fashionable place at the last minute during high season, there was no vacancy and yet you insisted on coming."

"Of course, everyone important is here, what do you think my followers would say if I didn't come. An influencer has to be aware of all the trends, Jeremy and this is the place of the moment, only God knows why." Laura replied, making her boyfriend let out a sigh before being prevented from responding by a cheerful and jovial voice.

"Good night, I'm Cintia, owner of Cozy Cabin, welcome, how can I help you?"

"Good evening, ma'am. My name is Jeremy Grant, and this is my fiancée, Laura. We are looking for accommodation."

"Oh dear! I'm sorry, but we're all booked up, reservations have been closed for over two months, we've become a very popular place lately." The woman of indecipherable age responded, because at the same time that she showed signs of age, she had an aura of joy and youth around her, at that moment tainted by a genuine tone of sadness at not being able to help. Which turned into indignation and anger when the young, pretty blonde woman in front of him let out a dismissive giggle followed by a howl of reproach towards her fiancé. However, before Cintia could say anything, Jeremy quickly intervened.

"Isn't there really the slightest possibility Cintia? It would only be for one day so that Laura can take some photos and post them, she is a digital influencer."

"Really? I've never heard of you darling." Cintia said, taking advantage of the moment to repay the young woman's rudeness, who in turn couldn't stand to remain silent.

"I work with a young audience, it's understandable if someone your age doesn't know me." Laura replied, causing Jeremy to have a mortified expression and a dangerous glint to appear in Cintia's eyes.

"Ah, believe me, I know how to recognize an influencer with an impact, right now we are hosting Miguel Ramos, the famous fitness influencer, it is already the fifth year that he has visited us at this time. Which gives me a wonderful idea to solve the your problem. If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll be back with news soon."

"Stupid rag" Laura commented bitterly as soon as Cintia left the room.

"Baby, you provoked..."

"Don't stand against me, Jeremy. How she dare, compare me to that fairy Miguel Ramos!"

"Laura, be careful what you say, I've heard a lot about Miguel Ramos, he was already a very respected Personal Trainer before becoming a popular fitness influencer and has a good follower base."

That was a huge understatement and they both knew it. While Laura's number of followers had not yet reached hundreds of thousands, Miguel's already surpassed the million barrier. And of course the vain woman didn't like being reminded of that and soon found a reason to tease her fiancé.

"Jeremy, that stubble of yours looks horrible, how many times have I told you to keep your face smooth! My followers prefer you to complement my look!"

Jeremy didn't know if that was true, Laura's followers really praised how much they complemented each other in appearance. But he couldn't help but occasionally wonder if the fact that Laura made him wear clothes in a similar style to hers, coupled with her insistence on keeping a smooth face and his blond hair in neat curls, resembled hers to the point where some people thinking that they were brothers and not a couple was a proof of a totally narcissistic nature as the class's detractors insisted on shouting. However, every time those thoughts arose, Jeremy quickly suppressed them, he had long ago accepted that he would be nobody without his girlfriend, to the point of giving up his career as a physical educator to follow her, ensuring all her wishes and canceling himself in every way. Because he was completely sure that he was not worthy of her love and that no one in the world would be able to love him like she did. It was precisely because he thought all of this that when he saw Cintia return with a look of satisfaction on her aged face, he responded calmly.

"Yes, love, that's the first thing I'll do as soon as we get to our room.”

"My dears, I found a solution, it's not perfect but it should help for today." Cintia began with a playful smile and that sparkle in her eyes. "We have a few rooms with extra beds that are not being occupied and two of our guests have kindly provided those beds to you for a couple of nights. In two days Mrs. Goldschmitt will return home and her room will be free if you wish." extend your stay."

"You mean you want us to stay in separate rooms?" Laura asked indignantly.

"It was the best I could do, dear. Of course, if it doesn't suit you, feel free to leave and look for accommodation elsewhere." Cintia replied with an icy smile.

"No, no, it's great, we accept!" Jeremy quickly interrupted, wanting to avoid more conflicts and the loss of the only stay they found.

"Great! Please follow me, then I'll ask one of the assistants to take your bags to your respective rooms." Cintia replied, looking genuinely pleased as she led them down a hallway and a flight of stairs to the first room and knocked on the door, which was promptly opened by a handsome Latino man in his thirties, with developed muscles detailed by a fitted white t-shirt and a friendly smile in his handsome bearded face.

"Goodnight." He said simply with a voice exuding masculinity.

"Miguel, dear. These are Jeremy and Lau..."

"You don't need to introduce me, I'm sure Miguel knows who I am." interrupted Laura while Miguel stared at her as if she were a creature that had jumped in front of him.”

"Laura... apparently she's a digital influencer." Cintia continued as if she had not been rudely interrupted. "Jeremy and Laura, this is Miguel Ramos who we talked about earlier and who kindly agreed to give Jeremy the extra bed in his room."

"Thank you for the lovely introduction Cintia and it's a pleasure to finally meet you in person Laura and you too Jer..." Miguel began, also being interrupted by Laura.

"I think our followers would love a collaboration from us."

"Um, sure, we can discuss this tomorrow, Laura. I believe you are both exhausted now and Cintia still has to take you to your room."

"Yes, yes, you're right, we'll arrange everything tomorrow. Shall we go then?" Laura ended talking to Cintia without even saying goodbye to Jeremy, who in turn approached his girlfriend and kissed her on the cheek.

"Good night love, sleep well!" - He said before entering the room and seeing his fiancée being taken by Cintia inside the building.

.....

"Welcome Jeremy, unfortunately you'll have to take the single bed."

"Thank you Miguel, you didn't need to do that or pretend to know Laura."

"Ahh, I'm sorry about that, but I thought it was better, I know how hurt some influencers can be by not being recognized, I've never particularly cared about that, but I've seen some uncomfortable situations to say the least. And as for the bed, It's just a bed, I'm not really using it and Cintia asked me for a favor, she's a great friend and was a lot of help when... anyway, you are welcome here.”

"Still, you didn't have to do any of that, thank you very much." Jeremy replied as he prepared to sleep, thinking about what Miguel had left to say. It was nothing new that his breakup with his long-time boyfriend, a famous film actor, had been very traumatic, so much so that he had remained out of the spotlight for several months until he was photographed on the beach close to where they were, which is why the interest in place had lit up. The only news there was knowing that he will not be staying in a luxurious hotel but in Cintia's small and cozy inn. Laura should be happy, Jeremy thought before falling asleep, she had gone to look for copper and apparently she had found gold.

Already lying in the single bed, Jeremy found the courage to say something else.

"Miguel, thank you really, I'm very grateful for your kindness... but... well... I apologize in advance if Laura expresses... um... any dissatisfaction with the accommodation arrangements... she's used to get what she wants and... well... there might be some kind of... jealousy... so..."

"She doesn't need to worry Jeremy, I'm not into man skinnier , smaller and younger than me." Miguel responded in a joking tone but causing Jeremy to immediately recoil.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't offend me Jeremy, I was just joking, you can rest assured, in fact feel free in the room, as far as I'm concerned the room is as much yours as mine. Have a good night.”

…..

The morning sun invaded the inn's bedroom, causing Jeremy to turn over in bed and wake up, rubbing his eyes, being treated to a stunning image, Miguel wearing only white underwear, with his sculpted body on display, staring intently at the bedroom wall as if he was lost in reminiscences. At that moment Jeremy felt something he had never imagined he would feel when seeing another man, a pang of desire, accompanied by a familiar sensation in his dick that he only associated with when he saw the image of Laura in her naked beauty. His surprise at that was so great that he moved abruptly, causing Miguel to wake up from his reverie.

"Good morning, I'm sorry if I woke you up, I forgot to close the curtains last night."

"No problem." Jeremy replied, hiding his erection with a pillow.

"Anyway, I'm already on my way out, going for my morning run before breakfast."

“Oh man, I miss doing that!” Commented Jeremy.

"Do you have this habit too?"

"Yes, I was a physical educator just like you, but since I started following Laura... she's not a morning person and gets upset when I wake her up early... anyway, I've been running on the treadmill while she makes the videos her at the gym."

"If you want to train with me..."

"Nah, man, thanks, but no. I'm going to rest a little longer" Jeremy replied, still hiding his erection.

"Then I'll see you later. Sweet dreams." Said an already fully dressed Miguel leaving the room and Jeremy alone with his disconcerting thoughts.

…….

To say that the trip had been a disppointment to Laura would be a huge understatement. First Jeremy hadn't been able to make a simple reservation and even had the nerve to blame her when he should have been able to foresee this kind of thing, then there was the beach itself, she had never liked sun and sea, and only Thinking about sand made her skin itch, but unfortunately, thanks to Miguel Ramos' stellar divorce and his apparent bad taste, that little beach was the star's hot spot for the summer. Ending up in the same inn as him could be a golden opportunity, but for that she had to put up with the arrogant old woman who owned the place, the fact that her fiancé was sleeping in the same room as that fagot and the annoying roommate she that she was sure it had been chosen by the old ghoul with the only intention of irritating her. And it was with a look that reflected her inner bitterness that she waited for her fiance to appear for breakfast, which made her even more indignant, as she was not used to wait and at the same time she refused to call him. After all he should know his place and his duties!

It was with that sour face that Miguel found her after taking a shower and getting dressed as quietly as possible to avoid waking the still sleeping Jeremy. Upon seeing that expression, he seriously thought about escaping from the breakfast room without being seen, especially since he hadn't had a good initial impression of Laura, which was confirmed when he saw the type of content she produced, with Jeremy appearing as more of an accessory to her outfit than as a real boyfriend, which raised the suspicion that perhaps the other man was trapped in the type of abusive relationship that he himself had lived in until recently. But before he had time to escape, their eyes met and a practiced smile appeared on her face without reaching her predatory eyes. Knowing that game very well, Miguel plastered a smile as fake as hers on his own face and approached her table.

"Good morning, Miguel, I hope Jeremy's snoring wasn't disturbing." Laura said, starting the conversation in the worst possible way and making the smile disappear on Miguel's face.

"On the contrary, it didn't bother me at all, Noah snored a lot more." He replied, making a look of irritation momentarily cross Laura's face due to the comparison with his ex-husband. Wasn't it enough that her boyfriend was sleeping in the same room as him?

"You're very kind, but it's my fiancé you're talking about, no one knows him like I do."

"Of course, and if you allow me to say, seeing your posts on social media is possible to see all your influence on him." Miguel replied, barely hiding the sarcasm in his voice.

"Thank you. It was hard work." Laura responded in turn without realizing the criticism embedded in his comment. "Speaking of work, when are we going to do our collaboration?" She concludes.

"We'll certainly find a way." He responded in turn, knowing that as far as he was concerned, that would never happen. "If you'll excuse me now I have an appointment. Maybe you should check on Jeremy, when I left the room he was sound asleep. It seemed to me like he hadn't slept so well in a long time." He concludes with a bright and genuine smile before leaving the room, turning his back on a fuming Laura.

Although Miguel's statement was intended to provoke Laura, that was not far from the truth. Jeremy had slept as well as ever and didn't even wake up when Miguel returned to the room and got ready for breakfast. If he had woken up he would have been mortified, because in his sleep he ended up ripping off his pajama shirt, and without realizing it, he reached for his erection that had returned along with Miguel's presence in the room, while his mind filled itself. one of the most different and vivid dreams he had ever had. In the dream he found himself lying completely naked on a beach not very different from the one where the inn was located, and with the sun bathing his body a beautiful blonde woman approached and began kissing his naked body, he couldn't tell if was it Laura or not, because each kiss given in the dream made him feel an immeasurable ecstasy, strong enough to cover up any sense other than pleasure, so much so that he only realized that the figure in the dream had changed, becoming a muscular man and bearded with his dark body shining with sweat in the morning sun a few seconds before he was awakened by the indignant voice of his fiancée.

"Jeremy, so this is what you were doing instead of meeting me for breakfast? Masturbating in that queer's room? How disgusting!"

Said an indignant Laura when she found her boyfriend in that position. Jeremy, taken by surprise in turn, responded without thinking

"Never use that kind of word in my presence again Laura, if there's anything disgusting it's those expressions!"

"Jeremy, how dare you correct me! Disguting yes, and even more disgusting are the habits of these fagots, but apparently you're already quite used to it, right, jacking off in one of their bedrooms. And you didn't even shave that disgusting beard. As if not If you just cut your hair without talking to me, I'm at my limit!" She barked back, causing all the layers of inhibition to return to a now more awake Jeremy.

"I'm sorry, babe, I shouldn't have talked to you like that. Give me a few minutes to get ready and we can have breakfast together." He said, returning to his servile habits as he struggled to understand what she meant about his beard and hair.

"Well, you can have your breakfast alone. And you don't even need to come with me to the beach, I'll take Kayla to help me. Make the most of your day without my presence!" She replied angrily, leaving the room and a confused and still sleepy Jeremy behind.

He in turn stood up and stretched, losing his balance a little as he felt the strange sensation that he seemed to be a good few inches taller, which he knew was nonsense, since no one grows overnight other than the fact that that he had had that height since the beginning of his adult life, which had helped him in many volleyball and basketball games when he was younger. Other activities that he missed but couldn't find time in his day to practice. He had never resented Laura for these things, but deep down he couldn't help but feel an irritation at having given up virtually all of his interests for hers. Shaking his head in an attempt to get those intrusive thoughts out of him, he went to the bathroom and took a long shower, knowing that there was no point in looking for his girlfriend while she was in that mood, that poor Kayla, whoever she was, who would have to put up with Laura for that morning, he thought with uncharacteristic sarcasm as he soaped the six blocks set on his abdomen, this time without trying to shake that thought away. After getting out of the shower he looked at himself in the mirror, for someone who could no longer follow a strict exercise routine he looked very good, he was slim but defined and his short beard accentuated the angles of his face, framed by golden curls in a medium lenght haircut.

Maybe it was time for Laura to learn to better appreciate the boyfriend she had, he thought, leaving the bathroom without shaving, before changing and getting ready to enjoy a morning of sun and sea without Laura's constant complaints and orders, which without a doubt it was the best thing that could have happened, said a new invasive thought that once again did not go away.

……..

Jeremy wandered along the seawall for several minutes, feeling the sand beneath his feet, the scent of the sea breeze filling his lungs and the sun's rays bathing his fair skin, even though he knew he risked getting burned, it was too good for him let it go. After wandering for a long time he sat down on the beach and simply let himself be invaded by it all, with a wave of peace and completeness filling him. Without realizing that the longer he stayed there, the less white his skin became, turning to a golden summer tone, at the same time that his muscles expanded slightly, leaving him with the appearance of someone who trained frequently and carefully.

And there he would have continued without noticing the changes if he hadn't been interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Hey, roomie, watch out for a burn on your skin!"

Opening his eyes Jeremy found himself staring at Miguel in all his glory, with a happy smile plastered on his face.

"I may not have your Latin genes, Miguel. But it's been a long time since I've been burned!" He replied, smiling, as that strange feeling invaded him again.

"Still, the sun around here is much stronger than what you're used to. Let me help you." Miguel replied, approaching with a tube of sunscreen in his hands. "That is, if you don't mind."

Jeremy did care, not because of any prejudice, but because of the fear of what that closeness would make him feel, not to mention the erection that threatened to return. But at the same time he couldn't resist that proposal.

"No problem, I think you're exaggerating, but Laura will be unbearable if I burn myself, she already doesn't like my skin being so tanned."

"What nonsense, your skin is beautiful, that tan contrasts very well with your blonde hair, it gives you a healthy look, especially with those defined muscles."

"Thanks man, it's nice to hear a compliment from... hummm”. He groaned when he felt the other man's strong hands massaging his back.

"Something wrong?" Miguel asked.

"No... no... it's just that the sunscreen was cold."

"Ah, I'm done. Just a little more down here." Miguel said with his hands approaching Jeremy's buttocks and making him contract all over.

"Okay, do you want me to apply it in your front?"

"No, you don't need to, I'll do it myself." Jeremy quickly responded, taking the cock from Miguel's hand without even wanting to think about those manly hands near his cock.

"And where is Laura? I thought you helped with her content production."

Thinking about his girlfriend brought an unexpected wave of irritation to Jeremy, as if a cloud was blocking out the morning sun.

"We had an argument in the morning... in fact she did what she always does, said what she wanted and left me alone, I guess in the hope that I would go after her... but not this time... she might to fend for herself with her new friend." He responded with a certain bitterness that didn't go unnoticed by Miguel.

"Relationships can be complicated."

"Ours isn't, but I'm starting to think it's just because I'm used to canceling myself out in front of her."

Miguel, who had already noticed that, preferred not to comment anything.

"Anyway, we should see each other later and resolve this, I still love her of course, but some things will have to change in our relationship."

"So how about we do that run now, a little return to your old ways?"

"Are you sure you'll be able to keep up with me, with all this extra size and already running before..."

"Boy, respect me, I'm not one of the best known personal trainers in the world for nothing."

"Then we'll see!" Jeremy replied, getting up and running away.

……

Laura walked with disgust on the beach sand. Her morning, like the rest of that trip, had been dark. Kayla was pleasant company as she shared the same interests as her, although she was in a lower category with only a few tens of thousands of followers. Still, she expected Laura to return the favors she did by asking her to take photos and record videos of her. Simply unbearable. And it was all Jeremy's fault, obviously. She still couldn't believe that her worthless boyfriend hadn't come looking for her and even worse for the second time that day it was she who was forced to look for him in the middle of that damned sand.

It was with this feeling that she watched two muscular men running from the edge of the beach towards the sea while laughing loudly and then diving. A ridiculous and childish behavior in her opinion. So what was her surprise when she saw that one of those men, the tanned blonde with a haircut made up of a pompadour and a side fade, accompanied by a full beard just as blonde, smile and approach her with his tanned muscular body still moist from the sea water shining in the midday sun.

"Hey babe, how was the morning?"

"Jeremy, how dare you leave me like that! And that beard, you said you were going to trim it! And your hair??? What nonsense is this?"

"No nonsense Laura. They look the way I like!"

"But not in the way my followers and I expected! You're almost bald! That tan and those excessive muscles weren't enough!"

"Don't exaggerate Laura, and if I decide to shave all my hair I will. Your followers have nothing to do with how I decide to cut my hair or my beard."

"Of course it has to do with it, you're my boyfriend, you influence the way I'm perceived!"

"Apparently that's the only way I care about you, how I make others perceive you."

"And how would it be different, I make a living from this, I'm an influencer, and my boyfriend needs to agree with my branding."

"I'm not your accessory, Laura."

"Well, my dear, in the end it's as if you were!"

"So I don't know if I still want to continue this relationship." He replied, turning his back on an angry Laura.

"Jeremy! Don't you dare! Jeremyyyy....!" She shouted at the top of her lungs, but he didn't turn around and walked aimlessly towards the other side of the beach, followed by the watchful eye of Miguel Ramos.

…..

Jeremy wandered the beach for several minutes trying to calm the influx of thoughts. He was torn by the despair of losing the woman he believed he loved and the growing feeling of contempt for that same woman. How could he cancel himself out for so long, how could he not see who she was? And at the same time she had been his life for the last few years, how could he live without her? He certainly wouldn't be capable of that! Deciding to run back after her and humble himself by her forgiveness, he started running. Only stopping when he heard the voice did he start to associate that strange feeling, mixed with desire and comfort.

"Hey, Big Guy, what's the rush?" Asked a smiling Miguel sitting on a bench in a beach bar.

"Sorry Miguel, I need to find Laura!"

"And what would be the point of talking to her with a hot head, wait for you two to calm down."

"You do not understand!"

"Ah, I understand. I understand so much that I'm going to offer you the two things you need most right now, company and a few shots of Tequila!"

"I do not know dude..."

"Relax man and follow me." Miguel said, taking Jeremy by the arms and taking him to a table in the bar.

…..

"I shouldn't interfere in your relationship with your girlfriend. But I recently went through a complicated divorce. And the truth is that it took me a long time to realize that I was in an abusive relationship." - Miguel said to a saddened Jeremy.

"I'm not in a relationship like that, I love Laura." Jeremy replied, but with less conviction than he wanted to make it seem.

"And does she respond to this love? She loves you the same way you love her."

"It is clear..."

"Really? Be honest with yourself if you don't want to be honest with someone you barely know."

"I want to believe so, but..."

"But you have doubts. Let me propose a little game, I'm going to ask you some questions about relationships and for every positive answer from you and me we'll drink a shot of tequila, I bet you that we'll drain a bottle with ease.

"First question. Have you ever felt that you were giving much more of yourself to this relationship than your partner?"

The two took a shot and although neither of them noticed, the tan on Jeremy's skin deepened, reaching a caramel tone very close to Miguel's.

"Second question: Have you ever felt diminished by your partner?"

Another shot for both. And now Jeremy's height has increased making him several inches taller than Miguel.

"Third question: have you ever felt that you are nothing more than an accessory to your partner, that he doesn't even see you as a person but as an object?"

Another shot. Another change. Jeremy's muscles expanded, surpassing the size of Miguel's and reaching the proportions of an amateur bodybuilder. The bottle was already half full, but both men, who were not small, were already quite upset, as that level of drinking was not part of either of their habits.

"One more... one more..." A drunken Miguel said, looking extremely distorted in Jeremy's vision. "Have you ever felt like you're in this relationship out of fear... afraid that you're not good enough... that you can't be loved by someone else... and that your partner takes advantage of that to keep you stuck with them?

Another shot and Jeremy's already blurred vision began to swirl as a feeling of anxiety took over him for finally admitting those truths even while drunk. Miguel was spinning in front of him, and he felt an immense desire to get up and run away, but as he did so he fell to the ground.

"Jeremy, Jeremy..." He heard the voice in the distance, that voice, which awakened so many feelings in him. "Jeremy..." A voice that made him realize that he could still desire and be desired... "Jer...." The voice that made him excited just by hearing it. "Jav..." The voice of the man he was in love with but couldn't admit."

"Javier, get up, is everything okay?"

And Javier stood up amid laughter.

"It's all right Miguel, it was just bad form, it takes a lot more than a shot of tequila to take down a man my size." Replied a smiling Javier Garcia, sitting at the table again. At the same time he ran his hands through his long, glossy black beard.

"Let me ask the question now." Javier said, smiling wider. "Do you think you're ready to leave this relationship behind and move on to better opportunities?"

One more shot for both.

…..

Javier lay down on the cramped single bed in the room he shared with Miguel, feeling his head spinning. While the roommate spent non-productive time feeling the same thing sitting on the toilet. As he tried hard not to spill everything he had eaten that day, he felt his cell phone vibrate. When he looked at the screen he noticed that there were hundreds of messages and calls from an unknown number. Choosing to deal with it when he was in better condition, he closed his eyes again and thus did not see each of those messages and calls disappear from the records.

With his head still spinning he fell into a restless sleep filled with rapidly changing dreams, until again he dreamed of that thin, beautiful blonde woman. In the dream she lay down on him again and began kissing his naked body, but without provoking any reaction in him, nothing, no excitement, no pleasure, until once again the smooth woman's skin gave way to that rough sensation of a beard shaving the skin. his body and then it was Miguel who kissed him, rekindling the flame of desire within him. As he slept he moaned with excitement, with a powerful erection between his legs, until he finally woke up feeling Miguel's real mouth wrap around his engorged cock. Trapped in that feeling of pleasure, he pulled the other man closer to him, being invaded by the no longer strange sensation of real desire.

After hours of wild sex, Javier got up from the only bed in that room, a King Size bed reinforced to support the weight of two athletes. Stretching, he stopped to admire the muscular body of a professional bodybuilder in the bedroom mirror.

Every fiber of his body was worked with the utmost dedication and commitment, and soon he would be on stage to put all that work to the test. He ran his hand through his shaved hair and finished the movement with his long, soft beard. He knew he would have to shave it before the performance but he was reluctant because Miguel liked him too much that way. Speak of the devil, Miguel at that moment repositioned himself on the bed and watched Javier look at himself in the mirror.

"A penny for your thoughts." Said the smaller and younger man but who had still won the position of his coach along Javier's heart.

"It's no big deal, Mig, I was just looking in the mirror and thinking it's a shame to have to shave, you like it so much..."

"Javi, I want you with or without a beard, I don't care how you present yourself, I care about being with you."

"So you mean if I were smaller and thinner you'd still be with me?"

"Maybe you wouldn't have caught my attention at first sight, but like I said, I care about the person you are, the man I fell in love with and if he loses weight or gains weight that won't change."

"Thanks, babe. That's really good to hear." Javier replied, going to the bathroom.

"Where are you going, are you going to shave now?"

"I thought you didn't care about my beard."

"I don't mind, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it a little more and you a little of this" Miguel replied, lifting the covers and revealing his huge hardened cock and making a big smile spread across Javier's face.

……

The afternoon sun shone like never before, but even that didn't seem to light up Laura's life as she gossiped with Kayla in the bar by the sea, while they discreetly watched Miguel and Javier talk.

"Is this a good time? They seem to be arguing." Asked Kayla to her colleague.

"Just because they're serious doesn't mean they're fighting. If we take into account their social networks, they're living wonderfully." Laura replied.

"You know as well as I do how deceiving social media can be."

"Still, this is our chance to collaborate with them, it's not every day that we get to work together with two of the biggest fitness influencers in the world."

"Smile, they're looking this way!" Said Kayla, making both of them give identical fake smiles, returned by a nod from the fitness couple of the year, who then got up, put on their tank tops and headed towards the beach.

"There goes our chance." Laura grumbled.

"Don't worry my dear, people like you always get what they deserve." Said a smiling Cintia who was passing by before positioning herself at the bar counter and smiling.

A smile that widened when she saw Miguel and Javier together on the beach sharing a passionate kiss. If there was something she was proud of, it was a job well done and at her inn that meant much more than just bed and breakfast.

[copperbadge]

Sam, I must know what sort of things Gerald blogs about on his Tumblr. How old or active is his account? Is his identity a secret?

It's actually a reference to an older post where @dignitywhatdignity pointed out there was no way Ger wasn't on Tumblr. :D Reproduced my response below -- first, Photogram:

I can picture Jerry’s Photogram in my head very clearly because I’ve had to research the children of rich people and their fucking obnoxious instas, and Jerry’s is probably equal parts expensive cars, club glam, and scenic vistas, but mainly because that’s like…what you do. It’s just kind of the done thing, like wearing a shirt when you leave the house. 

Update: Gerald's photogram has shifted radically -- he still treats it as a Thing You Do but especially now that he's a dad it's a lot more Parenting Lifestyle stuff. Because a few of my friends have had babies in the last two years and I had to research the babies my fictional characters were having, the algo now thinks I have baby fever, so I get a lot of Parent Influencer content, and I bet Gerald does a lot of sly fun-poking at that stuff. Like, posting a photo of a bottle warmer and a bib-washing tabletop machine with commentary like "You cannot buy any of this in the shop I don't have, but if you're going to buy one stupid thing as a parent, buy the bib washer. Not a single shirt you own will be unstained but the bibs will be immaculate."

They don't post pictures of Serafina, though -- there are a couple of official portraits for PR reasons but day-to-day that shit is locked to friends and family only. (There are special websites for this, I have friends who use them, it's pretty neat.) The only time random candids of her are out there are usually when someone snaps Michaelis toting her around Fons-Askaz with her cousins -- the "King Emeritus and Royal Ducklings" are becoming a very familiar sight. At least once a week Michaelis takes Noah and Joan out for an afternoon in town with Sera in a snugli and the twins in a stroller. Don't ask him about his stepson and grandkids unless you really want to hear about them.

Meanwhile he also definitely has a secret super-weird tumblr and nobody can figure out if he’s roleplaying or shitposting or what when he posts stuff like “The family groupchat is all well and good until it starts heavily impacting local politics.” Are those horses really his or is he just visiting a barn? Is that…a photo of a plate full of appetizers at “My cousin’s latest house party” with Angela Merkel in the background? He certainly has some strong feelings about Princess Diana and equally strong feelings about Tsar Nicholas. Why is he one of only three people the official Eddie Rambler tumblr follows?

Gerald's tumblr has also slowed down since the diagnosis and becoming a dad, but the content is still random as hell and more authentically wild than his photogram. Again, no photos of Serafina, but it's very evident that whoever is running that particular tumblr has had a kid, or is pretending they have. He gets asks accusing him of faking shit for clout and every time he does, his response is simply to write the ask on a sheet of paper in longhand and photograph it in front of a famous European landmark and/or political figure.

Alanna tolerates this because it does keep him out of mischief and sometimes he takes Serafina with him to whatever landmark he's visiting, and she gets to have a quiet apartment to herself for a while.

(”Eddie Rambler’s on tumblr?” someone asks, and someone else replies “Name me one other TV chef brave AND stupid enough to be on tumblr” and then you realize it is in fact the official Eddie Rambler tumblr saying that.)

Eddie doesn't post to his official Tumblr anymore because he rarely has time and doesn't need to do the self-promotion, but Katie in Communications checks his inbox once a week and brings him the most entertaining asks to respond to. He's currently hovering somewhere around the level of Neil Gaiman in terms of "Famous people who are inexplicably on Tumblr."

Ultimately there develops a running joke that Jerry’s tumblr is run by either a) an upper-class vampire (rude) or b) the elected king of a micronation on the Mediterranean coast with a name nobody can spell (super rude!) 

One time Gerald accidentally pocket-posted a blurry selfie to his Tumblr but it was so poorly focused and clearly accidental that a bunch of people got mad at him for violating the privacy of the Duke of Shivadlakia. He had to pretend to have a week-long beef with himself to save face. He eventually got Noah to take a selfie with him, blanked out Noah's face, and then claimed the Duke had forgiven him and here was a selfie with him as proof.

It's a hard old life, being Duke of Shivadlakia, but someone's got to do it.

[college-cryptids]

okay SO i am currently working my way through season four of tma and i need to talk about episode 132, spoilers i guess if you care about that sort of thing

this line. oh my gosh this line.

it comes shortly after jon has found daisy in the buried, and she's told him about how the hunt affected her and how she doesn't like who she became when she was under its influence. and this line.

it's not a speech. it's not some big long talk about how if daisy just stops being angry, everything will be alright. because it might not be. there's no guarantee that she won't fall prey to something else, that her life will be easier because she let go of the hunt, that the people she hurt will forgive her for what she's done.

but she can still be better.

she can still choose the right thing.

daisy's monologue right before this is interesting too, for a lot of reasons–the word choice there feels very deliberate.

the words the writers picked are very simple. immediate. here in the depths of a supernatural coffin actively trying to bury them alive, we get some dialogue that is deeply, intensely human. it sounds like someone struggling with an addiction. daisy was addicted to her own anger, exacerbated by the hunt, and it took going cold turkey in the buried for her to realize what it was doing to her.

she could choose to blame the hunt, to say oh, it was the hunt's fault, it wasn't me, i wasn't in control of myself. but she doesn't. daisy places the blame squarely on herself. at the end of the day, it was still her.

and she chooses to be better.

i don't know where she goes from here, i've only just gotten through episode 132. i've been unable to avoid all the fanart, so naturally i have some vague trepidatious feelings. but this moment is incredibly important. tma is ultimately a story about people struggling with addictions, and the choices they make that lead them to spiral deeper into what is hurting them. but this moment tells us that if the choice to hurt yourself is always there, so is the choice to be better. no matter where you are, or what has happened, you can always make the choice to turn around and find a better way.

and i think that's pretty neat.

[thecurioustale]

Art Begets Art and the Law Should Respect This

I believe in the tradition of folk art, which is to say: Borrow liberally and lovingly.

It's a practice we've been mostly sterilized from embracing in our modern corporatist society, where all of the big-name, commonly-recognizable "IPs" are imprisoned behind layer after layer of obnoxious lawyers with nothing better to do than torment the innocent. It's a terrible thing, a deprivation of our cultural oxygen—a crime against art and ethics.

As an artist myself, I often have to thread the needle of building upon the inspiring works of others while still remaining within the letter of our outrageous IP laws. It's something I think about a lot.

In Galaxy Federal, for instance, I mentioned last time that the name "Galaxy Federal" was inspired, among other things, by the mention of the "Galaxy Federal Police" title screen of the original Metroid game. When I was settling on this title for my series, I also found that Galaxy Federal is the trademarked name of a bank. I spent considerable time and mental resources, years ago, to determine to my satisfaction that it is permissible under the law for me to use this title.

I have to do way too much of this bullshit, and I know it'll still be for naught: If I ever do become an even remotely successful author, I'm sure I'll be sued anyway, probably for something I never even realized was an "infringement" despite all my vigilance. Because, at the end of the day, for big corporations and for IP trolls, our IP laws are just a racketeering scheme—a side hustle. I mean, Best Western trademarked the word "seniority." If someone wants to sue you, they're gonna find a way.

I am not really a "from scratch" writer. I don't sit down at a blank page and just come up with prose from first principles. My art is almost always inspired by things that I experience in my life, or by the ideas that result from those experiences. Sometimes—frequently, even—my inspirations come from things that are copyrighted or trademarked. I have written in the past about the influence of the video game The Secret of Mana on me as a kid. Among many other inspirations, that game has a neat sandship in it, and that's why the desert easts of Relance are prevalent with sandships.

Over the years I've become a pro at reinterpreting IP-blocked inspirations into usable, original ones—both in terms of the legal research I've done and the skills I've developed at transforming an IP-blocked inspiration into something usable. I've also become more knowledgeable about what I can get away with quoting directly: Certain things cannot be copyrighted, and trademarks have a finite zone of applicability.

It's all a very needless and skill-intensive ballet to achieve something that should be directly accessible. Obviously, there do need to be limits. As an artist myself, I am keenly aware that I wouldn't want to have no special claim to my own work. But if I were to rewrite our outrageous IP laws—and over the years I have amassed considerable material for a book on this—I would make it vastly easier for artists and the public in general to "borrow liberally and lovingly" from the sources that inspire them. Our current IP laws are like a crime-ridden police state: The security is in all the wrong places and just doesn't work. We could relax the laws considerably without hurting artists, and potentially even tighten them in other respects to better combat trolls and thieves.

But in the meantime, here's my advice: Don't let it daunt you. Dance the friggin' ballet. Get good at transformation. Liberate intellectual property from its prison in spirit if not in substance. And, when you're fearless and/or sufficiently obscure, just straight-up pirate. I think society has a duty to reject unjust laws through word and deed.

I don't usually don my pirate's hat, but I do sometimes. When I published the Prelude in 2015, for a limited time I also published a free companion soundtrack consisting entirely of, gasp, copyrighted music. Nowhere is the horror of our modern IP laws more evident than in the realm of music. What I did was basically create a curated playlist, to help set the mood of the story. I don't know if anyone even availed themselves of that soundtrack, yet for me to license all of those pieces to make my limited-time links lawful would have cost me thousands if not tens of thousands of dollars! All for something that it's possible nobody other than me even listened to. That's a crime against art. And it's a crime against artists. Our draconian IP laws hurt small artists the most. If I had had thousands of fans, I'd have been able to pay to play—and I would have done so, or perhaps I would have spent the equivalent money to hire composers to write an original soundtrack. But, as a nobody-artist and a poor person, whose own Curious Score musical compositions are long in the making, the lawful avenues are all unassailably closed off to me. This too is an injustice, of another sort.

Doing the companion soundtrack was the right thing to do in the tradition of folk art. None of those other artists (or, let's be real, the corporate goliaths that hoard most of this "content" in their treasure-vaults) was deprived of a single penny; in fact that's one of the great lies of the IP lawyers and their corporate masters: Cultural interchange usually improves income for people whose work is quoted by others. Borrow liberally and lovingly—and give credit where credit is due.

That's the way it should be.

And, one day, that's how it will be again.

[raspberry-gloaming]

Looms!

Looms - love 'em, hate 'em, neutral on the subject, everyone seems to have an opinion on looms. So I thought I'd write down my own thoughts and headcanons on the subject:

For me, looms are totally a thing - I find it makes Time Lord society more interesting and more alien, more removed from humans. I also think if those very conservative gasp how scandalous they showed a kneecap guys could, they would totally eliminate the requirement for physical reproduction. I don't think they have lost the ability to reproduce, just that its seen as very strange, and odd, and lesser. Why would you do that? Also could lead to more looking down on species that do reproduce without technology as lesser, which is very on brand for those guys. It would also cause a stronger divide between the elite Time Lords and the higher class and the lower classes on Gallifrey, who don't have access to such tech. Hence, time lords tooting their own horn about yet another thing.I feel that it really works with some plot points.

For example, with Pandora, I think it really works with her genetically manipulating Romana's bloodline. Especially if you see looming as something that includes genetic modification, or a process linked to the matrix, which of course with her and her access... Also with the idea of the Timeless Child, I think that looming would really work as a way to avoid having to explain where this new child has come from. If natural reproduction with birth was a thing, having to explain the existence of a new child after no pregnancy or whatever could be a bit complicated. Not great for such a secretive secret. But with looms - all neat and tidy, no explanation to why you've shown up to the house one day with a new kid. Depending on whether you believe the Doctor's parents knew about this, they might not even have to know. Put in your loom application, put in the DNA and genetic modifications necessary, come back to pick up your new kid! With an organisation with as much influence and control as Division, would it be so hard to pretend this baby is the parents' new loomling?

Additionally, if reproduction like humans was the case - how would regeneration and pregnancy work? If the carrier, the biological mother regenerated, would the baby die? Survive? Or would they regenerate too, if you're someone that believes Time Lords are born able to regenerate, and don't gain it at a later date, such as at the Schism or graduation. And what if the parent changed to male?

And now on to my headcanons:

Children on Gallifrey come out as babies, I'm not a fan of the arrive as adults thing personally

A child can have the genetic input of more than two individuals, but two core individuals would commonly act as the main base. Those two would be treated as the "parents" and other, possibly unrelated individuals would be seen kinda like aunts and uncles? to the child. but its hard to equate stuff to human familial relationships

All of these individuals, however, would be seen as grandparents (again, just a human-relative term that doesn't fully equate) to any (of course, loomed) children of the child. This means that the Doctor may have been seen as a parent, or primary caretaker for Susan's parent, but may not have done. This also is why the Thirteenth Doctor has I think she mentioned having seven grandmothers? In It Takes You Away.

[kafkaoftherubble]

Lyn hi thoughts? Sorry in advance if this is incoherent, more sick than usual. Shout 9ut to auto correct by making this 70% more readable by catching a lot of my typos and spelling errors.

Ira is from the north. The north was, invaded so he joins the military to fight the invaders. This fight continues for several years, even after Ira becomes a minister. It's the only thing that matters to Ira, he just wants his home to be safe.

During the story, Volker dismisses the military and has them stop defending the north and gives that land to the invaders.

From age 15-30, this is what Ira feared most. He didn't want his home to be removed from Odeda, but ot happened anyway because Volker didn't wanna bother continue the fight.

Even when iy dores happen though, Ira doesn't mind because Volker has so masterfully manipulated him, making him believe strange things he would never even consider before.

Does this make sense with the story or should I change it? It happens like one quarter in, should it be later so the reader can better understand how much Ira loves his home and how much Volker lied to him?

Sorry for the tardiness! I hope you're feeling way better now, man.

I think this sequence of events works!

This sells his conflict hard. Better still, it is entirely believable that Edith's imprisonment + Ira's oldest intent for his part of the land is what motivated him to go against Volker after being very loyal to the latter.

It's psychologically possible that Ira's earliest intent, while dear to him, has become steadily co-opted into Ira's latter-day loyalty to Volker that he can, and does, sideline it for a bit. Hence, he will need one more psychological break to make him finally turn his back on Volker. Sorta like the perfect excuse for him to renew his commitment. Then, even after Edith was free, Ira would not stop there—because now he's remembering the one cause he has always place close to his heart again.

---

Even when it did happen though, Ira doesn't mind because Volker has so masterfully manipulated him, making him believe strange things he would never even consider before.

Aha! This is a case of intense undue influence! Some may call it brainwashing. As luck would have it, I had just listened to a neat, 37 minutes long science podcast about brainwashing:

I'm gonna make some notes on it when I have the time (unfortunately, it means "not now". Because I haven't gotten the time yet!), and I wouldn't mind sharing with you the notes when I'm done, if you don't wanna listen to it or if podcasts aren't your thing.

BUT! It really is just 37 minutes long, and I think it can give you some general idea of how this manipulation could be written in the story. This episode centers around cults—why do they act in a way they would have never after they joined it? And the cult here didn't necessarily mean religious or spiritual flavor. One of the speakers was actually an ex-member of a political/ideological cult. That's some proximity to the Volker-Ira situation, yea?

Lemme know if you need my notes version if you don't feel like listening! I'm gonna make notes either way and helping out a friend will give me a bit more urgency to complete it sooner (the other urgency comes from the worry that my memory may fade due to so many things I have to give a damn about. What if these specific memory cells have been remodified for something else before I can record them?! Hahahaha!).

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

tell me your thonks on a relationship (of any kind) of aurynn mormont and... dealer's choice! 👀🫶🏻

Soft launch of upcoming characters from my fic because I can't not. We both have Mormont babes, & these are relatives, your honor:

Whoever's in charge of Bear Island in this AU where they coexist doesn't matter, just know that Aurynn & Lara are cousins.

Lara is something like 9 or 10 years older than Aurynn, & she gets married at 16, so I don't think they'd have spent a lot of Lara's youth around each other, but with more relatives around for Aurynn with the inclusion of Cousin Jeor And His Household I think there'd be opportunities for her to come spend time with Lara at Runstone (hello baby's first crush on Shireen one-sided mommy issues yuri).

With bb!Aurynn hanging out at Runestone sometimes, I think she'd think of Lara as her cool older cousin. They're both fierce, capable, head-strong, bisexual bad bitches & I just think she'd think Lara is neat. Aurynn is definitely the more vivacious & lively one, with Lara being kind of stand-offish & having a major case of RBF. Howwver, they're both loyal & spirited, both super Northern™ & carrying a lot of influence from Bear Island being a little more egalitarian than other parts of Westeros & even The North in general. Also, Lara would have a soft spot for Aurynn because that's her little cousin & I do think she'd get to see her softer side like Aemon/her husband does. Like, overall there's just such good potential for a solid family relationship there.

Also, if I'm bringing bbg Aurynn to Runestone I have to mention the kids closer to her age that she'd be around when she's not trailing after Cool Older Cousin Lara. Aurynn is positioned kind of perfectly to integrate into either the group of older or younger kids.

For Aurynn & Rhea, it's another "cool older girl" thing, because Rhea’s closer in age to Aemond. Aurynn would definitely pass her vibe check, I feel like, so she'd be willing to have her hang out with her & the older girls if she wanted to. She'd definitely bring Aurynn flying on her dragon if she wanted to (and maybe they kiss. Dont mind me, just collecting Pre-Marriage-To-Cregan girlfriends for Rhea lmal).

That said, not totally smooth sailing all the time. I think hered be a chance they both dig their heels in on opposing sides of an issue & they'd fight & it'd be pretty explosive & they wouldn't talk for a few days. Especially since Rhea is pretty quick to flair up & usually chooses violence, she can get talked back down pretty easily though if it's not something she deemed a grievous wound & she'd come apologize for arguing (& physically fighting).

Rhea's pretty outgoing & gregarious, but she's a little rougher around the edges. She gets on with people well & likes to have them feel welcome, she's a little unruly & stubborn. Which I think could provide a really interesting friendship dynamic with her & Aurynn.

For the younger girls, they're all 14/15-to-13/14 so now it's Aurynn's turn to be the cool (slightly) older girl! I think she'd get along best with Myranda (top right) or Aerea (take your pick from the bottom).

Myranda is lively & friendly & she just wants to have fun, but she's a little judgy & very sassy. She's quick witted & girly & kind of bossy sometimes, but she'll chill if she gets called out. Aerea is a little dreamy & out there, but she's nice & definitely the most "rough and tumble" of the younger girls. Big horse girl energy. She's kind of sensitive & freaks out if she thinks someone has been hurt or is going to be in life-threatening danger, but so long as her twin sister is there to calm her down she'll be okay. She'd definitely ask Aurynn to let her practice braiding on her hair. Adrienne (take your pick from the bottom) is a litte more up-in-the-air. She's pretentious & matter-of-fact, she takes herself incredibly seriously. However, she's got a romantic streak a mile wide & she loves stories & poetry. She's very much her mother's daughter, & so even though she's Like This, she'd see a lot of what she enjoys in other people in Aurynn, & Adrienne would join in with the others in thinking that she's a cool older girl to be admired & ask to hang out so they can all be cool by association. So with this group of younger girls, I think that Aurynn would be flattered they all see her as someone to admire & she'd at the very least humor them.

[whennoonecares]

I don't have many details in mind, but I do think it'd be neat for a Jedi!Sheev Palpatine AU if he was friends with Shmi and a sort of ForceFather to Anakin.

Maybe they met back in the day when Sheev was still Dark after his father- Cosinga- and Plagueis (I work under the assumption "Sith" functions like generational trauma and continuing the cycle of abuse, meaning to some degree Palpatine was doing what he was taught), but they helped each other out.

Specifically, maybe Shmi was pregnant, and he kept trying to influence her to take risks in order to secure her more power, but she'd always decline. "I may not like my life, but I know what to expect from it. When this child is born, I'll know better what he'll need to survive. I've made it this long this way, and I need to make sure they're safe, first and foremost."

Basically slowly teaching him how to be content with where he's at, and leaving open the door for something better, rather than ripping goodness from others. Because Shmi doesn't strike me as someone who thinks anyone is "owed" anything, even if they deserve better.

Maybe Palpatine is there for the birth, and seeing this source of raw power be just,, a baby. Weak, helpless on his own. But he sees Shmi's tenderness and care and,, love. Maybe a switch flips.

So he leaves, takes time away from his Master's memory. Reevaluates what he wants and needs, and how those two lists differ.

He comes back and she's so glad to see he's feeling better. It's slow, and he slips sometimes- baring metaphorical fangs when something doesn't go according to plan- but she's patient with him

[nicosraf]

Hii!! Sorry if someone already asked, but where do you get the inspiration and info about angels? I've always had an interest in learning about them but it's so hard!! I don't know where to look and I feel like there's so many sources and some of them are contradictory. If you have any recommendations, I'd welcome them <3

Hello!! Aghh it's hard to answer this for me because I don't have a good single source book/video, which is what I think you might be looking for.

It also depends on your interest in angels! Your interest could be more canon/theological or more mystic/mythological. You could be strict with what the Bible says or you can venture into angelogy by looking into the Celestial Hierarchy by Pseudo-Dionysius; me, personally, I lean toward sticking to the Bible.

I can tell you what not to do (!): Don't watch those short "Angels: Explained !!" Youtube video essays and tiktoks. Here is why: they'll say a sentence like, "There are angels that are cherubs, and they're at the second highest level of the hierarchy." What's the issue with this? The issue is that the first part is biblical (... mostly) and the second part is from Pseudo-Dionysius. It could be my academic brain, but not being clear about where certain "facts" come from leads to a lot of the contradictions that you might be seeing.

I do think the best course of action is to begin w what the Bible says. You can look up mentions of angels in the canon Bible and examime how they act/look. For me, that's where I got the majority of my inspo! I thought the Bible stories with angels were cute. I know it's a meme these days that angels are scary, but angels can be so sweet sometimes, like when an angel came with bread/cake for Elijah, which is depicted here :) :

But yes, I recommend starting with angel Bible stories and then running wild. The "canon" for Christian angels is the Bible, and all the angelogy and more mystical leaning stuff built off from that canon, for the most part. (It gets influenced by other religions, after all)

I wish I had a good set of primary (the Bible, sorta) and secondary sources for you... Maybe I can put one together eventually, since a few people have asked!

Also, yes the information is all very contradicting, even in the Bible I think! So don't worry. Have fun with it! Take whatever you like about them and interpret them however you like!!!

Oh and I have to mention that I get a lot of inspo from Medieval and Renaissanc angel art, like the colorful wings. I just think they're neat !

[joseopher]

how do you interpret the "it only broke because i broke it" scene/conversation with tristan and callum in the atlas paradox? what are the important parts of it? i really like the scene and i feel like you'd have more thoughts about the significance of it than i got on my own

I DO HAVE MORE THOUGHTS!!!

Spoilers for The Atlas Paradox under the cut!!!

So we begin.

"It took three days after the incident with the captive witch for Tristan to come find him. Ridiculous. As if they were schoolgirls waiting three days to text back."

This implies that after their interaction (Tristan taking a hostage and Callum having some fun) it was a given that Tristan would come to find him. Callum could think this because:

a) He's arrogant and "understands" emotions well

b) Callum and Tristan know each other so well that they don't need to make a verbal agreement that Tristan will eventually find Callum

Option B is suggested by this earlier line: "The shorthand between Callum and Tristan had been long enough established that Tristan did not require clarification."

They were very close friends, they knew each other very well.

This line is also important: "'Finally,' Callum said without looking up from his book."

What says the most is that Tristan does not question what Callum means by "finally". Meaning it's very likely that they both understood this meeting was inevitable.

Another quote that caught my attention was:

"I thought, ‘You know what will be fun? I’ll just make up a nice little story that will haunt Tristan for three days and then I’ll simply tell him it was all a joke, ha ha.’ Certainly it’s not an extremely fraught situation. After all, what possible knowledge would I have of such fragile emotional tangles? None whatsoever, methinks—"

This may sound reasonable for a normal person to say. But this is Callum, he has crafted a persona that plays with people like toys. The version of himself he trying desperately to make everyone believe would indeed fuck with someone like that.

And Tristan has every right to buy into this. Tristan's paranoid, Tristan's been manipulated by Callum and Tristan has seen Callum try to make someone he cares for take her own life in front of him.

But all he says is, "Fine. Point taken."

HE👏TRUSTED👏CALLUM'S👏WORDS

Not necessarily because he believes Callum deserves his trust but because he knows that this isn't what Callum would do.

They know each other so well but also not in the ways they need.

The misunderstandings start here: "False. I do not hate Rhodes. I do not even dislike Rhodes. She simply does not matter."

Callum does not waste effort on those that do not matter to him. But in this line, he's saying that Tristan does matter to him, that he wouldn't be presenting this information to him if he didn't matter. Tristan does matter to him, despite all their betrayal, despite the resentment and hate, he is important enough to be worth Callum allowing himself to feel for, even if that feeling is dislike. (But these lines suggest he still likes Tristan: "'Tristan doesn’t have his own ideas. It’s what I like about him.' He meant to say liked, but it obviously didn’t matter.").

Tristan doesn't see this and instead fixates on Callum's next words that suggest he wants to kill Libby.

Moving on, I find this quote very memorable:

"Callum remarked, producing a very neat and well-prepared document from the inside cover of his book—which was actually How to Win Friends and Influence People, chosen for its many wonderful techniques. For example, one way to make people like you was to smile, which Callum winningly employed now."

This quote suggests that Callum still wants Tristan to like him. He's still trying to recover from Tristan considering killing him, still trying to process rejection from the one person who saw him for who he was. He longs for Tristan to like him again, to heal over that injury or just have the power to reject him back.

This is furthered by this quote:

"No, no, wildly incorrect. I don’t just want you to try, Tristan. I want you to succeed. I want you to succeed so valiantly and with such flying colors that you believe yourself to be invincible and invulnerable and, ultimately, a more evolved version of your current self. But of course you won’t do that. Which is honestly very sad for me, because I really am an optimist."

Callum rarely lies, so it's likely that he does want Tristan to succeed, he does care.

"You’re manipulating me somehow. I know you’re trying to talk me out of it.

But, of course, in Tristan's pov, anything he had with Callum was just manipulation. He does not allow himself to think that Callum still cares because of his own self-doubts. He does know Callum very well but his own disbelief that anyone would care about him + assuming everything between was manipulation which is because of his self-doubt stops him from even considering the idea that Callum desperately wants to be liked by him. He knows Callum but his own doubt and self-loathing opens room for misunderstanding.

"And yet, I am the only one in this house who’s been any help to you at all, Tristan, so you’re welcome."

Callum is practically screaming at Tristan. He's like, "See I'm helpful, no one else, I'm helping you Tristan despite everything, please for god's sake pay attention to me."

"The glare he received from Tristan was a ruthless thing of beauty."

I have nothing to say about this quote other than: GAAAAAY

"Which was thoroughly impossible. A comedy of errors to the highest degree. And this was who Tristan had chosen over Callum! This was what he had done, and in the murky plumbing of Callum’s allegedly nonexistent heart, he hoped that Tristan suffered for it."

Callum's intentions are stated here. He is jealous, but more than that, he still feels betrayed. This was the person he had ACTUALLY brought himself to care about despite his trauma (Direct quote: "Callum did not enjoy this, the destruction of a human psyche for which he had actually allowed himself to care."), Tristan would always be the most important person in his life, but from his pov, he is not Tristan's most important person, no, he's disposable to Tristan.

AGAIN THIS IS THE PERSON THAT SAW HIS FLAWS AND STILL ACCEPTED HIM (to an extent). Tristan saw him murder Parisa and still hung out with him. Everything was almost okay between them despite Callum revealing a lot of himself to Tristan.

This quote happened after Callum murdered Parisa:

"I’m not here to have a row," he [Tristan] said. "You’re right, of course. I know you’re right."

Callum looked warily unconvinced. "Is that supposed to be concession or a compliment?"

"Neither. A fact. Or rather, a white flag."

“So this is a truce?”

"Or an apology," Tristan said. "Whichever you prefer."

CALLUM HAD FOUND SOMEONE THAT SAW HIM:

"I see you" came out of Tristan’s mouth before he had decided fully what to say.

AND IN HIS POV TRISTAN REJECTED HIM FOR SOMEONE "GOOD". Tristan rejected him for someone who would never do anything unseemingly like him. That is the crux of this, that is the deepness of this hurt, that Callum can never be like this version of Libby he perceives, someone good, innocent and moral. He thought that he had someone who would accept his damage and trauma and (in his pov) he was wrong.

"This was just the world. You trusted people, you loved them, you offered them the dignity of your time and the intimacy of your thoughts and the frailty of your hope and they either accepted it and cared for it or they rejected it and destroyed it and in the end, none of it was up to you. This was just what you got. Heartbreak was inevitable. Disappointment assured."

He is back to his typical apathetic ways, as earlier in the book it is implied that this isn't the first Callum has been rejected like this, with his mother and father (potentially his sister) and others that he had watched himself fade out of significance to them:

"They loved you one day, didn’t the next. Callum had watched himself fade in significance from too many people’s lives, and yes, okay, that was not an excuse for … what was it that Tristan had disliked about him, ultimately?"

And also, I find this important:

"Honestly, Callum was doing just fine with his grief."

Callum labels what he has been experiencing for this past year as grief. Showing just how much Tristan's betrayal hurt him.

But enough about Callum, that's pick apart Tristan's most important words:

"Whether you put it there or not," Tristan said, his voice heavy with irony, “this—between us—it was real for me."

Tristan's belief that this might not be real, was what made him agree to murder Callum. Parisa describes him as being in agony with this decision until:

"A little slip of parchment from his head ignited suddenly in flames; curling edges that fell to smoldering pieces, crumbling to ash."

This is interesting because the paper/talisman that Tristan uses to discover that Callum is manipulating him is described as a "slip of paper", which is essentially the same as "parchment".

It was not Callum's "killing" of Parisa that made him decide, nor Callum's constant suggestions to kill Libby, not even that if the initiates didn't kill Callum they would likely start attacking each other, which would put Tristan's life on the line. Tristan and Callum's bond went beyond those things. Instead, it was the concept that their bond, which was so strong it made Tristan (eventually) overlook Callum murdering someone he cared for, was fake, meaning that he had no reason to continue to care for someone that doesn't give a fuck about anyone else.

So this is Tristan acknowledging that the reason he justified murdering Callum wasn't good enough. That he's realized, even if it was fake, he doesn't care. Because what they had was great enough that it didn't matter. It was real to Tristan.

"You can pretend that it didn’t matter."

This is interesting because both Callum and Tristan believe that the other is acting like what they had was nothing. For example Callum's pov:

"As if Tristan’s resolution to kill Callum was less of a betrayal purely because he’d changed his mind. As if everything that Callum had ever shared with Tristan—every intimate thought, every private confession—had been a falsehood—or if not a falsehood, then so very paltry that it could be unimagined, rescinded, undone."

It's miscommunication at its finest.

"That I was the one who wronged you. That you had no hand in how things happened. That I made a choice based on nothing, based on my own insecurities and flaws."

This is Tristan saying that the murder and betrayal, should not be ignored either. Callum should not sit all high and mighty and analyze what happened through an unfeeling, apathetic lens, then, claim that Tristan did this because of the intricate way his emotions and trauma clashed together. Callum knows why this happened, they know each other very well and ignoring all the messed up fuckery that led to Tristan's betrayal would be denying their relationship.

This is furthered by:

"But I am not such an idiot—I’m not so devoid of feeling," Tristan spat, "to not be perfectly aware that you and I had something rare and difficult and fucking significant, and in the end it only broke because I broke it."

The most important part here is that Tristan is admitting fault. He knows they could have continued their homoerotic friendship if he didn't choose to kill Callum. That, yes, Callum is also to blame but Tristan was the one who ended it. And he's sorry. Telling Callum sorry before didn't work so he's saying it in a different way. This is desperation. It's saying: I don't care if you hurt me or manipulate me. I accept that. I accept your faults. What we had is more important. Please stop pretending that it was nothing.

Now back to Callum's POV:

"He felt his victory ballooning into rage, pure rage. He felt anger with an intensity that was incandescent with bereavement. He wanted, just as he had wanted at the beginning of this godforsaken year, to murder Tristan. To take him by the throat and slice him into ribbons and serve him like a roast—and also, to meticulously and with great inconvenience inconvenience to himself weave a flower crown laden with unrequited meaning, with which to adorn Tristan’s incredibly stupid and perfectly functioning head."

CALLUM AGREES WITH WHAT TRISTAN SAYS, FURTHER PROVED BY THIS:

"Mostly, though, Callum wanted Tristan to suffer profoundly for every honest word out of his mouth."

But he doesn't understand exactly what Tristan is saying. Because yes, everything between them was important and they both had a role to play in its downfall. But Tristan still rejected Callum. Tristan's emotions tell Callum that he loves Libby. Everything that Callum is not.

To him, Tristan doesn't love Callum but Callum loves Tristan.

"—and also, to meticulously and with great inconvenience inconvenience to himself weave a flower crown laden with unrequited meaning, with which to adorn Tristan’s incredibly stupid and perfectly functioning head."

The key word is "unrequited". Callum loves Tristan with his everything. He admitted before:

"I love you. That’s why you can’t turn your back on me, even if you want to."

Of course, Callum slipped this in while he was manipulating Tristan so he could play it off as just part of him telling Tristan what he wanted to hear his father say.

However, he doesn't believe Tristan feels the same.

But that's not necessarily true. Emotions are complicated. We know there has been a tarnish on their relationship since Callum "murdered" Parisa. As described by Callum himself:

"There is bitterness now, resentment. A bit of tarnish, or rust I suppose, on what we were.”

This is furthered by Callum manipulating Tristan, because how is Tristan supposed to trust any affection from Callum after knowing that Callum was playing with his emotions? Especially since Callum said he loved Tristan while making him more miserable than he's ever been in his entire life.

So Tristan is very upset with Callum, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love him. But to Callum, it's the same sort of love Tristan holds toward his father, too bitter and wounded to really count.

Whereas Tristan's feelings toward Libby are more "pure" in a way. There's not that bitterness there, in fact, it's an obsession with her innocence as Parisa explains:

"You like her because she’s innocent, Tristan. Because she’s moral. Because she’s good. Because she represents something to you that the rest of us no longer have, because we came here. And because we made choices."

and:

"Libby Rhodes is not your goodness, Tristan,"

Libby hasn't hurt him like the others, so his love for her is pure.

To Callum, this is a rejection of him as he is not everything that is good.

Not to mention, Tristan acknowledging that what they had was real is terrifying to Callum. He refuses to open himself up to love and trust after Tristan's betrayal. He knows those emotions only weaken him. He cannot allow it to happen again.

So Callum does the only thing he knows how to do:

"Good luck," said Callum. "With everything. Hope it works out between you and Rhodes."

Tristan’s expression darkened. "Did I not just say—"

He continues his plan.

"Like Atlas Blakely, Callum was going to stick to his plan, even if it was objectively flawed and would lead to either despotism or tears."

In Callum's mind, he can't have Tristan even if he wants Tristan. He cannot trust and cannot untaint Tristan's feelings for him, so he continues with his plan, with his depression, with his persona of apathy because he is the only safe option in his mind.

So those are my thoughts!

[littleblueberryartist]

Hello! I’m relatively new to the genshin fandom and after doing Venti’s story quest I have decided that he is the favorite, but all of the fics I try to find with him he’s usually just a side character, so do you have any recommendations? :)

Sorry if it’s too much to ask you can ignore this if you want

Anon we are shaking hands!!! Venti's story quest really got a lot of people onto the Venti fan train huh XD

Also you're in luck because when ever I hyperfixate on a character I tend to scourer their ao3 tag like a dog digging holes in someone's yard (admittedly I've only begun organizing my bookmarks recently so I may miss a fic but it's fineeee)

Anyway onto the fic recs! (I'll mention the potential quest spoilers since I don't know how far into the game you are)

The Melody of a Gentle Breeze A recent fic I read and one I made art for! Nameless Bard/Venti's friend gets yeeted to the present learns about how the world has changed. I love how he's characterized here and how his relationship with venti is portrayed <3 (admittedly venti isn't the main focus here but you can feel his presence and influence on the fic and I adore that!!!)

Singing to the Mountains, Only My Echoes Sing Back This one is based on the Wings of Shimmering Galaxy (anniversary glider) description! It's about Venti's story and the fic ties it to song and I love it a ton!!!

Pure Sky This one is a lighter one that uses wine as a character study and honestly I love that! Venti and his love for Mond and their love for one another in return my beloved!!!!

Three Evenings Before the End THIS ONE THIS ONE IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE FICS!! It talks about Venti's friend's throughout Mondstadt's history and the whole thing with repeating parallels and how he notices the similarities and differences between his friends throughout the ages,,, o u g h A lot of the stuff in the fic is regarding bits of old mondstadt and aristocratic mond lore that you can find in book, weapon and artifact descriptions in game so it's not quite spoilers. But you might get a little confused regarding the characters if you don't know the jist of mond's history sfdgdfs (the author has the second chapter dedicated to worldbuilding and lore speculations tho which is hella neat!!!!)

Event Horizon I THINK ABOUT THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY Not really spoilers but it does talk about the Cataclysm and destruction of Khaenri'ah + speculations(?) though a convo between Venti and Dain (The guy that narrates the character miscellanies and who first appears in game in Bough Keeper: Dainsleif and later on in subsequent archon quests)

The Archons (soldier, poet, king ANOTHER FAVE OF MINE! This one's a series about Venti and his interactions with the other archons!! I love how it shows the more serious side of him that others may not see along with his usual silly whimsy <3 Of course, since each fic talks about the archons we meet in each nation, spoilers for all the archon quests so far!

The Springtimes You Never Saw Okay this one's longer than the ones I've recommended so far (my ADHD fucks with my attention span so I tend to stick to one-shots for the most part) but it's so good!!!! I know I say that about all the fics here lmao but I do genuinely adore this fic. It's a canon divergent AU where Dvalin never gets poisoned during the fight with Durin 500 years ago and it's such a good character study of my boyyyyy Also while the fic is tagged xiaoven it's queerplatonic and the pairing doesn't take center stage (not that into shipping in general lol so I tend to prefer fics without ships or with them not as the main focus)

[kinthinia]

Life Update

I don't really talk about my personal life online anymore, but I find myself wanting to today.

I used to shout into the ether over in my deviantart days, but I feel a little like I've outgrown that site. And also that site for writing is kind of dead, and didn't tumblr start out as a blog anyways?

I don't actually know the answer to that question...

Two years ago, I got engaged. I was working at a job I loved. What I didn't know at the time, was that the job I was working at was slowly, insidiously becoming more and more toxic. I was told when I signed up that it was a small, quiet office, and I really believed that. Mondays were the busy day, I did the scheduling for just two people, it was good.

But when I needed to get a sub to cover my position, they'd cover one vacation and often decline because the office was busy. Busy was the answer I kept getting back. And the people I worked for kept insisting the office was slow and how lucky I was to work in such a slow-moving office.

I made average, normal mistakes and was shamed in front of clients and given no way to voice how I was feeling because every reprimand was done in public in front of clients. I can't tell you how small that makes you feel.

This culminated in my work putting together a staff meeting and I was really excited to be able to voice my side of things, of how busy the office had actually started to feel for me, how I couldn't keep up with anything. But I couldn't quite pinpoint why. But instead, my employers sat me down and told me that I was the problem, that it was my mental health, that I had depression.

I didn't get to share my side of the story.

I went to my doctor. I was diagnosed with anxiety and low mood, PTSD, RSD and a handful of other diagnoses that have no bearing or major influence on my life that I can't even remember all of them. Minor doctor lingo stuff for putting feelings inside of boxes with a neat little label that is seldom useful.

I started seeing a therapist. She aslo agreed with my doctor that my anxiety and low mood weren't actually impacting me at my job, because my PTSD manifests in heavy masking and I would almost rather die than break down or fail at my performance based job.

I stopped writing. I just... couldn't. I had a window where I had a good thing going before it literally blew up in my hands.

I want to say, all of this was going on while I was knee-deep in planning a wedding.

A month and a half before my wedding, my work informed me that my hours were being cut. Effective within a week. They'd hired someone to replace me. They reminded me during this 'meeting' that I hadn't earned 23$ an hour as a wage because they'd noticed that I wasn't keeping up with the workflow. I asked in what way and they stated "let's not talk about specifics."

They hired a temp I had cover me for a week during xmas, the deadest week of the year and said that the office flowed so much smoother when she was around. Geez, wonder how that's possible.

For some context, I went from having 2 people who's schedules I booked. ALSO these people didn't tell me until maybe 2 weeks beforehand if they had a major meeting or anything going on, and I was expected to just know they had this as an issue.

Anyways. They hired my replacement at 30$ an hour.

I stuck it out because my wedding was less than a month away. I got married. My employers who were supposed to be in my party and show up, called like 14 hours before my wedding to cancel.

I was effectively let go while I was on my week off to celebrate my wedding.

I want to mention around this point I did start taking medication to some success.

I found a new job. I didn't transition well. I got another job. It's been nearly a year and I finally feel like I'm settling in and I don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back.

I want to preface this by saying, like the way I got hired at that initial job was because I was friends with the owner. The employer behind everything. Did you know she didn't even message me congrats until a week after my wedding that she was supposed to be in? Not even a condolence from her or her husband after my mom died.

And I'd known her husband for six years. Six years.

I'm obviously better off without them, that much is more than clear, but also....

Writing has been hard. Life has been hard.

I've been very... empty for the last two years. Despite my marriage being amazing, my husband is great, my wedding was amazing, everything else around that, including parts of my honeymoon have been an empty, agonizing.... blah. Blegh. A nothingness. The absence of warmth, if you will.

ANYWAYS it's been 3 weeks without that feeling. And I've started writing again. I'm 6 campaigns deep into Baldur's Gate 3. I like k-pop now.

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me.

[busyfish]

i'm just journaling here so i'm going to just talk a lot under the cut

i cleaned the bird area and the cages and stuff tonight.

it's legitimately interesting to me to see like the areas of the cages where the birds are the most.

i know that ori's old cage is now the social area. they can all fit on the same perch in there. so like allll the poop is there. and the food area has some poop and obvi the food the falls to the floor.

the second cage is truly like the food area though. it seems to have near zero poops on the right side and only really a little poop near the food bowls. it is nearly just food that fell to the ground.

it's neat to be able to see the social habits of my birds just by cleaning after them.

-

it's a weird time for me.

it's 9 degrees right now and it's noticable that days are less bright too.

i feel like it's some-what better for me and i feel just a little lighter today even though i was so low energy i mostly just did bed all day.

i have been strongly and consistently depressed since June.

and when Ori died it made things so much worse.

and just July being July and me feeling like that was a time when my eyes got opened to something so hurtful, it just seems to like be "oh yeah it's time for that".

and of course being in the hospital recently.

right now i feel like i should be happier but i'm not.

the madoka movie trailer sort of got me off track of my like cycle i guess?

it's really like not something i want anymore.

it's not exactly just that i don't want to get over them or whatever.

i just feel like i can't.

i feel like i don't have much else to focus on when i feel lonely or i feel like i need some comfort and love and kind words or just someone telling me i'm cute and look pretty.

and it's not that i need the words. the words themselves are meaningless.

it's just having so much in common and feeling like we were kind of just meant for each and to be friends and on top of that having the words.

it's hard to replace that but also it's just hard knowing no one even really wants to replace that.

i'm not upset at anyone or anything like that but like no one really has time for me. we're at this point in life where everyone has their friends already, they have their busy lives, people work, most people function correctly.

i'm too much work and a hassle anyway.

-

i've really gotten into Kelly Moran lately.

she did a split with Prurient and i knew of her but didn't actually like look her up and like immerse myself into her works until very recently.

her regular piano stuff is cool but i wasn't aware she's a huge prepared paino composer.

which is juts amazing to me.

John Cage has always been a huge influence on me and when i heard that aphex twin album with all the prepared pieces on it i was like just in love in love.

it's something i've always wanted to do but never have had a lot of access to.

i've played prepared intrustments a bit but pianos are just so expensive and it takes a lot of work to prepare one properly.

one of these days maybe?

-

i have felt a lot of creativity inside of me lately.

there are things i want to express and perform and just geto ut of me.

but this depression i've been going through has juyst sucked the soul out of me and i find it hatrd.

i also just have gotten so fare rom like i guess, everything? i'm losing track of so many things now.

i forget to eat (because i don't get hungry) and i just don't take care as muic h as i should.

lately too my dyslexia has goten a lot worse nad also like dyspraxia has been hard to deal with,

there's also ust me having issues with words and stuff

there's just a huge like uh

i give up a lot of "necessary" congitive function to just pure survival but also i guess my mind sees and hears a lot of things that are expressive and creative instead.

and also just focusing on the liek special interest stuff.

so i feel like i am losing hte ability to keep myself like tangible to most people and it feels hard to me feral but also be like "please i need someone in my life"

i really do.

if only for a little bit.

just someone who can be there for me most days for just a little while.

keeup up with me and help me remember i am not lost.

i want to feel warmth and interest from someone.

i want to feel like i am a priorty and i matter al ot to them.

i don't know. it's asking a lot i guess.

people are either married or in romantic relationshops for that.

i'm never going to be married or have a romantic partner.

so i guess it's just not for me. i don't deserve those things.

but maybe once i get out of this depression i'll finish writing this thing i like a lot.

maybe i can draw it well enough too.

[vivifrage]

2, 11, 17, and 19 for the fic author ask!

Heck yeah 😎

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Crow, despite all his going deeper and deeper into the emo sadboy in canon, kept being such a nice and polite young man in OFAA. The lighthearted one, even. I don't know if that talks more about the subject matter in OFAA or if I really just cannot get a handle on him. Honestly, though, I kind of prefer the Crow I write to the canon one!

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

I can't remember if my interest in death and handling it came before or during OFAA. Either way, the two coincided nicely, and now I've got one of Caitlin Dougherty's books on my shelf and a subscription to her channel. So fascinating, the business of death.

As for research... I've lightened up a bit as time's gone on? If I find something in particular to focus on, I will, but I haven't done the sort of obsessive deep dives I used to do when I was younger. Granted, a lot of those deep dives are driven by wanting to understand and accurately portray a character's culture, and uh. I've ended up with a lot of non-humans for a while.

17. what is your favorite line you’ve ever written?

That I've ever written? Goodness gracious, I've not a clue. My memory's not good enough for this. I do generally still like stuff I've done with the Pale King, though. He's fun to write, miserable little pile of wyrm.

19. what are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

I was wondering if I'd get this question.

Animorphs was the first thing I really wrote fanfic for, and I feel like some of the style might have stuck?

But to be honest, a good chunk of my description comes from the days when I was really into District 9. There was an author who's work I adored and reread over and over. The descriptions of food especially were so lush, so mouthwatering, and from my memory they did a bangup job on setting scenery, too.

They also did a bunch of furry inflation/stuffing art, so you know that whole thing about "learn by either getting really into something or finding someone who's really into that something."

[yowlthinks]

@meatballlady ,thanks for the asks! You made me realise this is an ask game not just "fill out the answers" 🤣 But I am gonna fill them all out anyway.

Bonfire - ooh, dream house is an interesting question, because the answers vary wildly if it is just for me or me and my partner and the kids. If it is with kids, then defo enough space for them, garden and space that is easy to keep clean. If it is just for me, then it is a small-ish flat, eclectic design, maybe a high ceiling so that I can have a chandelier? And a four-poster bed? I don't know why I want it, I honestly oscillate between practicality and a mash up of old and new.

Cinnamon - I would not want to live in the past because objectively scientific and societal progress has been amazing, so it will have to be the future. But really, I am happy with living in the 21st century.

Cobweb - God no, absolutely not! My last 2 years of school were an absolute nightmare, but uni was amazing. Overall, I like being an adult, I like not being a fresh graduate on hunt for a job at a time of economic uncertainty. I've done this in 2008-9, having moved countries and when my visa depended on my earnings and I really don't want a repeat of this. And yes, if you are struggling and would like support on prepping your CV and application letters, reach out and I will help where I can. This is me paying fwd a kindness someone once lent me. (I work in marketing and product management).

Cranberry - I have pretty eyes.

Maize - there was a woman on the bus who talked about how God came to her and advised her to go to a financial advisor to have a conversation on managing her debts. There were 3 of us receiving this wisdom in stunned silence.

Quilt - I drink tea with wild abandon, coffee pretty much not at all.

Coffee makes my heart go like crazy, I like the taste when it is veery light, so as a guilty pleasure I would get a seasonal medium latte from Starbucks and ask for half a shot of coffee in there. They usually put two, so I explain that I only mean half of one shot. It gives lovely smell, a little bit of taste and masks the taste of milk.

As for tea, I include here all sorts of tea (like berries, herbal infusions and good old hot water over sliced apple). I drink about 3.5 liters of that per day, almost none of it is formally tea (black, green or otherwise), mostly this is rooibush. This is also what keeps me warm.

Pumpkin - definitely inherently good. I think people who purposely do harm have had something really horrible happen to them in the past, so this is caused by damage, rather then people being bad from the outset.

Moonlit - I like being neat and I try to keep things tidy, but... yeah, I could be better at this.

Flannel- oh god, definitely! My first date was especially disastrous. I was bored out of my scull, didn't know how to get out of it. Amazing how a guy can be an amazing conversationalist online but literally impossible to talk to in person.

Cocoa - I am really happy with my hair (straight, shoulderblade long). Perhaps, they could be a bit thicker, not have grey hair would be nice. I have dark brown hair naturally and colour it into deep red colour currently.

Ghost - yes, there is. It is a friend who had a big influence on me but we are no longer in touch. I think we both made each other better people, but I also understand why he cut contact all those years ago and I think it was the right thing to do. I hope he is happy and that in some 20 years we drift back into each other's orbits.

autumnal asks

lantern - how did you meet your best friend? What were your first impressions of each other?

frost - if you could give some advice to your younger self, what would you say?

maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

harvest - what fictional character do you most identify with? Why?

fireside - if you had your dream wardrobe, what would it look like?

cider - a food that you disliked as a child but now enjoy?

amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

fog - how well do you think you’d do in a zombie apocalypse scenario?

jack-o-lantern - if you could look like any celebrity, who would you choose?

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

crow - which school subject do you wish you had an aptitude for?

bonfire - describe your dream house.

cinnamon - if you had to live in a time period different than the present, which would you choose and where?

cobweb - (if you’ve graduated) do you miss high school?

cranberry - what’s one physical feature that you get complimented on?

maize - share the weirdest encounter you’ve had with a stranger on the street.

quilt - how do you take your tea (or coffee)?

pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

moonlit - are you a neat or messy person? Is your room / house orderly?

flannel - have you ever gone on a bad date? 

cocoa - if you could have any type of hair, what colour and cut would you have?

ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?