#It's love your honour even if she's only just worked it out herself

[frostfires-blog]

My Top 15 Favourite Anime (& Donghua) Female Characters 2024

[Before I get started, I'd like to point out that making this list was quite challenging considering I have watched quite a few anime. So please don't be too offended if any of your favourites aren't included; just because they aren't here doesn't automatically mean I dislike them. Feel free to leave your constructive thoughts and own lists in the comment section since I appreciate amicable discourse. Also, I decided to use the "keep reading" feature to make it easier to scroll through the long posts on my blog, so the official list is under the cut.]

-> Honourable Mentions:

-> My Top 15:

“If you’re helping someone and expecting something in return, you’re doing business not kindness.” Shirayuki is incredibly empathetic and emotionally aware as evidenced by her drive to ensure that the people around her feel cared for and supported. Even if it involves sacrificing her time and energy, she is always eager to help others. At times this is her greatest strength—as it enables her to build strong connections with others. However, on occasion, this trait makes it difficult for her to establish boundaries and prioritise her own needs.  This struggle is something I think we can all relate to.  I greatly admire her determination, optimism, compassion and resourcefulness. Her integrity, patience and consideration for others is something I aspire to emulate in daily life. Her passion for plants is something I have in common with her.

"I won't lose to myself!" Given that she has become somewhat of a meme in the fandom, I'm sure some of you may be surprised by this, but she was one of the first female anime characters I resonated with when I was young. Although she lacks presence in the overall series, her strong-willed and independent yet easy-going and relatable personality endeared her to me. Even in stressful situations, she is renowned for her diligence, discipline, practicality, and reliability. Her character serves as a tribute to the resilience of the human spirit as well as the value of perseverance and hard work. Her fear of failure sometimes causes her to doubt herself and her capabilities which highlights the struggle we all face with balancing our concerns and our obligations. Her fighting style and character design remain one of my absolute favourites, making me annoyed that Kishimoto didn’t do more with her character. Also, nejiten is my Roman Empire.

“This is a cruel world. And yet...so beautiful....” In all honesty, I'm still miffed by the ending of Attack on Titan, which had me contemplating whether to include her on this list, but I realised that would be petty and short-sighted. Mikasa was one of the first female characters I saw who not only stood with male characters on the battlefield but also outperformed them—which made me look up to her. Mikasa's greatest attributes are her inner strength and innate sense of responsibility to defend her loved ones and fight for justice, as well as her intense loyalty and devotion, especially to Eren. Aside from her strength and fortitude, she also possesses compassion and gentleness towards those she cares for—which I admire considering many female characters in shounen anime are pressured to sacrifice these qualities to be strong and respected.

“Why didn’t I try to get to know him better?” Since Frieren is the newest character on this list, I’m sure she’ll continue to grow on me in due time. As the protagonist of a show centred around the value of life, the importance of goodbyes and the passage of time; Frieren is an incredibly complex, multi-faceted character. Her journey to understand the depth of human relationships and emotions—after losing someone she failed to realise was important to her—is an incredibly touching and insightful one. Watching her experiences serves as an important lesson: to value every moment and to take the initiative to build connections with others—which is something I often struggle with. Frieren is best recognised for her composed demeanour. She demonstrates qualities such as an affinity for independence, a keen sense of introspection and a preference for logical reasoning—all of which allow her to serve as a voice of reason for their group. Her sharp mind and unrelenting curiosity propel her to continually expand the limits of her knowledge, enabling her to innovatively tackle challenges from a unique viewpoint—making her an engaging and dynamic character to watch.

“A-xian is my little brother…When others insult him it is no small matter to me.” While often overlooked due to her immense kindness and amiable personality—her determination, selflessness and fierce protectiveness of her loved ones are admirable. Although not a major character in MDZS, her influence over its more central characters is evident. Her lack of hesitance in sacrificing her life for her martial brother, Wei Wuxian—even though he unintentionally contributed to her husband’s death—endeared me to her. Her determination to rise above her difficult upbringing and grow into a caring, mature and reliable figure is praiseworthy along with her capacity to find common ground in seemingly immutable situations. Her character design ranks among my favourites as well and complements her personality well. She taught me that despite being in a society where one is harshly rebuked or pressurised it is important to stand firm in your beliefs and desires.

“If you must cling to something in order to yield, why not pick up that which you have tossed away and hold it in your hands anew?” While initially, she doesn't appear to be very noteworthy because of her limited role in the series, the brief time she gets presents her in a positive light and her backstory is notably well-developed even among more prominent side characters. Despite her reclusiveness; her compassion, forgiveness and humility are noteworthy—especially when contrasted with the majority of other Heavenly Officials. Given that characters like Xie Lian and Hua Cheng respect her, while Jun Wu and Pei Ming are cautious of her proves that her strength and significance should not be undervalued. Her ascension story—which earned her the moniker “The Princess Who Slit Her Throat”—is a prime example of her incredible selflessness as she willingly laid down her life to protect her family and country despite being ignored and mistreated for most of her life. She remains very grounded despite her status as the God of Rain and Agriculture and is always willing to help others, even if it means defying authority. She possesses no ill will towards those she has had disagreements with and doesn't hesitate to save them.

 "Even if it's a short life, burn hot and bright and overtake the moment. That's my way of life." Kagura is best known for her quick wit, tomboyish personality and fighting spirit which often manages to steal the spotlight in the Gintama series. She is an ardent and fierce fighter who doesn't hesitate to express her opinions. Beneath her brash exterior, she is compassionate and caring, frequently using her keen intuition and empathy when interacting with others. She often takes risks, facing challenges directly which can be seen as impulsive and abrasive—however, this behaviour stems from her need for control and security amidst a chaotic world. In a sense, we all struggle to assert ourselves in difficult situations and could benefit from approaching things with a little more of Kagura's zeal. Kagura also enjoys helping others and is incredibly devoted to the people she loves. She is also not afraid to voice her opinions or act when she sees someone in need. By virtue of her strength, humour, and charm, she has not only gained popularity among fans but also established herself as an iconic figure in the shounen genre.

"If you don't hold a rose carefully, you'll get pierced by its thorns." Tsukuyo is best known for her unique fighting style, sharp wit, caustic humour, and compelling backstory which has allowed her to become a fan favourite and a key part of many serious arcs in the series. In many respects, her design and backstory serve as a parallel to that of the protagonist—Gintoki—which adds to her depth. Furthermore, her name and personality are based on Tsukuyomi no Mikoto—the moon god in Shinto and Japanese mythology—accentuating the cool aesthetic of her design. Contrasting her rough exterior, Tsukuyo is shown to have a tender side, exhibiting an innate sense of empathy and sensitivity. Although her reserved attitude often conveys an impression of aloofness and distance, this is just how she processes things and expresses concern, which is something I can identify with.  Her most admirable quality is her strong sense of duty and loyalty towards her loved ones, as well as her inclination to prioritise the needs of others over her own. Although she struggles with insecurity and anxiety—leading her to hesitate and over-analyse—she is resolute in overcoming these issues when crucial matters are at stake, which is a valuable message.

“I once believed that the road of happiness continued forever and ever into the distance. When it was destroyed, I realized for the first time that it lies upon a thin sheet of glass. And just as we were saved, there were those whose happiness that haven't yet been destroyed. So, I wanted to get stronger and protect them.” Shinobu is a multifaceted and captivating character who stands out—even amongst Demon Slayer's eclectic cast—largely due to her distinct fighting style, striking design, tragic backstory as well as her nuanced personality and motivations. Shinobu's strongest assets are her insight, and compassion, which enable her to support those in need. She usually has a relaxed smile on her face and generally exhibits a bright, amiable, and joyful demeanour. However, it soon becomes apparent that this outward disposition is a façade masking her profound anger and relentless desire for vengeance. This dichotomy in her persona is foreshadowed by her conflicting roles in the series as a healer and a poisoner. Her desire to cater to those close to her is the primary motivation for her outward façade, which is primarily modelled after the mannerisms of her deceased older sister. Considering we all conceal certain parts of ourselves to appeal to others, this aspect of her character is very impactful and relatable. She also often struggles with feelings of inadequacy stemming from her physical limitations. However, she overcomes this obstacle by employing poison to kill demons, showcasing her resourcefulness, fortitude and tenacity. Although we all feel envious of the talents of others, Shinobu's character is a reminder that we all have our strengths and should face obstacles head-on never giving up on our objectives.

“Although our thoughts are changeable and difficult to understand, the actions we take don’t change, no matter how much time passes.” As a consequence of her seclusion in the Yamei Palace and her mystical abilities, Jusetsu is quite enigmatic and detached. While she is often perceived as haughty and aloof due to her bluntness, impatience and lack of social experience; she is shown to have a tender and vulnerable side. She possesses an inherent sense of justice and doesn't disregard those in need, even if they have offended her in the past, which is incredibly admirable. Although her position as the Raven Consort demands her to live alone, she quickly finds herself surrounded by people, leading her to feel guilty considering her deceased predecessor remained isolated. Her heart begins to soften as she lets others in, but she often struggles to comprehend others, causing her to inadvertently offend them—which is something that most of us can relate to. However, she is quick to mend things once she realises her misstep and comes to learn that it's necessary to confide in those who care about you. She frequently exhibits guilt about seeing her mother die, which leads her to feel that it's preferable to be by herself than to lose anyone else. Her struggles with guilt and constant introspection not only add to her complexity as a character but also make her very relatable. To a degree, we all worry that opening our hearts to others will result in us being irrevocably hurt but constantly have to take that risk to live a fulfilling life—thus making Jusetsu’s journey an incredibly empowering and compelling one.

“I'll definitely overtake you, and it'll be my turn to worry about you.” Misaki is best described as bright, diligent, pragmatic, and disciplined. As the student council president, she is committed to improving her school's reputation, even if it involves challenging the expectations of her male teachers and peers. Before Misaki's father abandoned their family, she was noticeably more tender-hearted and compassionate, but she subsequently developed a bias against males based on her conviction that they were inconsiderate and unreliable. She possesses a rigid sense of justice and sets high standards for herself and everyone around her. Consequently, she often struggles with her emotions, particularly when it comes to maintaining her composure when her private life is disrupted. Misaki is particularly embarrassed about her part-time position at a Maid Cafe, believing it contradicts her strong, uncompromising image, and consequently takes great effort to establish a rigid boundary between her public image and her private life by keeping this job hidden from others. Misaki's best quality is that she never veers off course and gives her all in everything she does, inspiring others in the process. Misaki exemplifies the value of resilience and diligence when it comes to achieving one's goals because, despite facing countless hurdles, she remains committed to her ideals. Conversely, she is overly self-sacrificing and frequently overworks herself due to her inability to trust others. Through the course of the series, she learns to accept her femininity and fragility while remaining assertive and self-sufficient. As she navigates her growing romantic feelings for Usui, she learns the value of having faith in others, as well as the significance of respect, communication, and acceptance in relationships. This process of self-discovery moulds Misaki into a multifaceted character who is exemplary and relatable.

“If history repeats itself, and moves in a circular path, then believing that whatever force is turning it is perfect, is all we can do as we move ahead. Pushed along by forces beyond our control, waiting, for the blade to be swung." Rukia’s best attributes are her altruism, modesty, strong moral compass and sense of duty. Her journey throughout the series centres around self-acceptance and belonging. Initially, she feels worthless and out of place yet longs to be recognised and accepted. Given that she finds it difficult to reach out to others, she never expresses these desires and lives a lonely life under continual strain. After meeting Ichigo and his friends, in the World of the Living, she begins to open up but quickly backtracks after she is taken back to the Soul Society to be executed. Despite enduring tremendous hardship, she never forsakes her ideals or blames anybody else—but instead faces and overcomes everything alone. This demonstrates her immense fortitude, resolve and integrity. Her strength lies in the fact that her heart never fluctuates. Upon the moment of her execution, she does not display fear or regret but is instead grateful for having lived an ample life. However, this is the turning point, as she is saved by Ichigo and is thereafter rewarded for her resolve and steadfast convictions. She finally alleviates herself of the guilt and grief she had been carrying by allowing herself to rely on others for emotional support. She can now confidently confront and overcome her greatest challenges because she is certain of who she is. In this way, Rukia's character serves as an example that no matter what you are faced with, your efforts will be recognised so long as you remain resolute and virtuous—which is incredibly commendable and compelling.

Her enduring and incomparable bond with the series’ protagonist, Ichigo is one of my favourite aspects of her character and the series as a whole. Throughout the story, she is a continual source of both physical and emotional strength for him. In several respects, Rukia's character is a parallel to his as she understands Ichigo's feelings better than anyone else considering she has gone through similar experiences. The quote "The rain drags the Black Sun down, but the rain is dried by the White Moon" perfectly encapsulates their dynamic—with Ichigo representing the former and Rukia representing the latter. Throughout the series, the rain is a potent metaphor for Ichigo's despair, while Rukia is constantly seen guiding and consoling him—effectively drying up “the rain”.  She acts as a "ray of light" for Ichigo—despite her problems—who in turn does the same for her. Rukia's symbolism as the "White Moon" also pertains to her technique—specifically her bankai, which transforms her into a veritable ice princess. This symbolism furthers her development, influence and prominence in the series.

"Before I question the gods, there are questions I should ask myself!" Yona's remarkable development from a pampered princess to a courageous warrior is precisely why she is one of the most recognised and respected shoujo heroines of all time. This development begins after her privileged and idyllic life in Hiryuu castle is upended when her beloved cousin, Soo-won, murders her father and seizes the throne. After witnessing this traumatising event, she is forced to flee the castle and is forced to adjust to a harsh and perilous life on the run. She is momentarily overcome with fear and denial thus depending entirely on her bodyguard and childhood friend Hak for protection and care. However, after recognising that the people who were sheltering her would suffer as a result of her incapacity, she began to pull herself together. Empowered by her newfound resolve, she and Hak journey across the kingdom in search of the legendary Dragon Warriors and through these fateful encounters, they cultivate a revitalized sense of purpose and camaraderie. It is on this journey that she begins to realise that her father’s pacifistic reign came at the cost of weakening their kingdom, leading to widespread strife and corruption. Her overwhelming guilt regarding her ignorance causes her to develop a genuine sense of responsibility towards her nation's people. With the support of her allies, she travels around the kingdom to improve the lives of the common people, having abandoned the prospect of revenge. Yona's fundamental strength is shown to derive from her emotional fortitude, compassion and capacity for forgiveness. Additionally, her adaptability, willingness to learn, and strong sense of conviction are all admirable. Although she continues to grow stronger throughout the series, she has always been incredibly kind and compassionate. She is inspiring because she demonstrates that true strength comes from within. It is her immense compassion that not only motivates her to protect her nation and change the lives of those around her but also draws people like Hak and the four dragon warriors to her. Her ability to forego her desire for vengeance in favour of forgiveness is not a show of weakness but is one of strength, selflessness and maturity. She realises that her desire for revenge is outweighed by the kingdom’s need for a radical and strong ruler like Soo-won —leading her to choose to work from the shadows to uplift the common people.

“It’s not always easy to see the good in people. In some people, you might even doubt that it’s there at all. But if you can somehow, find a way to believe…sometimes that’s all it takes to help someone, to give them the strength to find the good in themselves...” “No matter how cold it is now, spring will come again...” Tohru is best described as optimistic, hard-working, patient and open-minded. She is also modest, caring, and gentle-spirited. She constantly strives to seek out the good in everyone she encounters and is always willing to assist those in need—bearing no resentment against those who have harmed her. Her benevolent and amiable disposition effortlessly attracts people to her, making them feel accepted and valued, as demonstrated through her interactions with the zodiac members of the Sohma family. In comparison to the series' vast ensemble of colourful, quirky characters, Tohru is frequently perceived as being too perfectly kind and hence bland—nonetheless, this is completely misguided. In actuality, Tohru is equally as emotionally broken and thus the Sohma family heals her heart in the same way that she heals theirs. Her character is an exemplary subversion of the typical "kind-hearted" heroine given that she faces several genuine hardships that result from her gentle and charitable nature. She is not a perfect saint, but rather a girl who prioritises the struggles of others over her own as she attempts to find her place in the world. Her greatest strengths are her immense compassion, innate empathy and sincerity. Given that she expects nothing in exchange for helping others, her generosity does not originate from a position of entitlement, which is incredibly admirable. Tohru has a strong desire to be needed by others and thus often puts the needs of others before her own. She craves validation and assurance, hoping to be acknowledged as essential and irreplaceable to those around her. In response to the terrible treatment she received from her paternal relatives, Tohru has developed the notion that she might burden those around her, so she rarely expresses her desires. Consequently, she is inclined to internalise any unpleasant emotions and feelings rather than express them externally. However, as time passes, Tohru gradually learns to be more assertive and to accept help from others. Tohru's relationship with Kyo is another facet of her personality that I find endearing. Despite having similar backstories, they have developed divergent perspectives on life. Kyo finds it hard to recognise the positive in other people, while Tohru finds it hard to perceive anything negative in them. They strike a perfect equilibrium as he teaches her that being too unselfish and not sufficiently assertive is detrimental to her well-being, while she helps him realise that there is hope in trusting others. While Kyo is not the only one who sees through Tohru's façade, he is one of the only individuals who can help her face her issues as she becomes especially transparent around Kyo, confessing all her concerns and anxieties to him. Tohru demonstrates the power of forgiveness, love and friendship and exemplifies what it means to be a good person. Her journey towards overcoming her fears and attaining true happiness through strength and determination is heartwarming and inspiring. She embodies hope and compassion in a cruel and unfair world. Her growth demonstrates that being kind is not synonymous with being powerless or meek. She demonstrates that no one is completely perfect—that kindness is a choice rather than an innate gift, therefore we are all capable of making the effort to be kind and compassionate to others.

“If I should die, I'd want to die of poison.” Maomao's story is kickstarted when she is kidnapped and sent to the Imperial Palace as a maidservant. Maomao’s extensive knowledge of poisons and medicine, along with her aptitude for unravelling mysteries ensnare her into the intricate web of political intrigue despite her attempts to remain inconspicuous. She is mature, sharp-witted, composed, and pragmatic, in large part because she grasps her expendability in the Rear Palace. Being raised in the Red-Light District has shaped her into a resilient and adaptive person with a thorough awareness of society's complexities, which she uses to traverse the Rear Palace. Consequently, she has developed a highly practical and pessimistic mindset on life, centred around avoiding trouble and adjusting to her surroundings—which has enabled her to tolerate circumstances that many would deem traumatic or distressing.  Ironically, her insatiable curiosity, along with her strong sense of justice and empathy, frequently counterbalances her self-reservation; leading her to become involved in problems that affect others. Maomao is intrigued by poisons and medicinal plants, and she often investigates their effects on her own body. This passion is her primary motivation for her actions considering the mere prospect of savouring poison or studying a rare medicinal component kindles a fervent fire within her, resulting in a riveting shift in demeanour—which is naturally perceived as astonishing and insane by many characters, particularly the series' deuteragonist, Jinshi. Maomao’s name is derived from the onomatopoeia of a cat’s meow “貓” and fittingly she is often depicted with cat ears, which act as a visual metaphor for her ardent curiosity. This feline motif, combined with her proclivity for pushing herself into risky situations and her dangerous fascination with poisons, makes her the epitome of the phrase "curiosity killed the cat". Despite her exceptional competence and charisma, Maomao is not flawless; in fact, her flaws add to her appeal. Although Maomao's distrustful and inquisitive nature makes her an excellent detective, this same quality—coupled with her distorted yet starkly reliable perception of human connections—occasionally renders her socially inept. Maomao tends to shy away from forging strong, intimate bonds or attachments with other people, causing her to be wilfully oblivious of the obvious concern or affection others have for her, regardless of whether it is in a platonic, romantic, or professional capacity. Furthermore, she is sceptical about the notion of romance, feeling that it is more likely to cause ruination than to provide happiness. This scepticism and detachment are probably traumatic responses to being brought up in the red-light district, where someone's genuine affection alone does not guarantee that they will not discard you if needed.

Another aspect of Maomao’s character that I find intriguing is her dynamic with Jinshi which develops gradually and is multi-faceted due to their opposing traits, social statuses, and backgrounds. Despite her pretence of indifference, Maomao's actions—specifically her attentiveness and concern—gradually disclose her growing interest in him. Maomao's development demonstrates her progressively becoming less closed off emotionally as she processes the intricacies of her feelings. Similarly, Jinshi had no intention of growing attached to her—as he merely wanted to capitalise on her skill set and intellect. Nevertheless, he fell for her fairly quickly, with his feelings progressing from possessive attachment to ardent, selfless love. Their partnership is defined by mutual respect, trust, and their resolve to overcome obstacles of the aristocracy together. The series’ willingness to address feminist themes within a historically misogynistic setting adds another layer of complexity to Maomao’s character; since her intellect, competence, independence and boldness defy the gender expectations of the era. Even amidst the competitiveness of the Red-light district and the complex balance of power within the imperial harem— which were settings devised to pit women against one another—Maomao continues to advocate for camaraderie between women. As we continue to witness women supporting and empowering each other; their enduring strength and tenacity is exemplified. Maomao's journey is thus an embodiment of progressiveness reflecting a refreshing standpoint on female empowerment. Maomao's exceptional charm and vibrancy are profoundly compelling, instilling an enduring sense of inspiration and empowerment.

[Congratulations and thank you if you made it all the way to the end. I fear I rambled too much…. oh well… If anyone has any suggestions on what to do next, then let me know. Otherwise, I'm just going to be working on a few asks…]

[innocentcurse]

Evangeline’s heart swelled at Marisol’s words, the kindness in her voice wrapping around her like a comforting blanket. Human connection was so important to Evangeline, and to feel seen by another was always one of the most joyous aspects of those connections. “Thank you,” she said softly, her voice a little more than a whisper as she met Marisol’s gaze. “That really means a lot to me. I didn’t expect to feel so connected to a place this quickly, but Cardinal Hill… it’s different. It feels like home.” Evangeline had had many homes in her life, and so she couldn't say if this would be her home forever, but it definitely was for the time being, and she was thrilled about that.

She felt a quiet warmth settle in her chest as Marisol spoke about the town and the energy it gave off. Evangeline had only just begun to understand the deeper layers of Cardinal Hill, and hearing it reflected back at her like this, with such understanding, filled her with a quiet sense of belonging she hadn’t expected. God, Evangeline loved speaking to new people. “I’m glad it resonates with you,” she added, glancing at the piece in front of them again. “It’s the town, really - its quiet moments, and those little things people often overlook. It’s like they’re all captured in this one, simple scene. The magic is in the stillness.”

When Marisol spoke about the magic of the town and the connection Evangeline had with it, something shifted in her so warmly, so pleasantly; it was so affirming, in such a surprisingly joyous way. Cardinal Hill had called to her in ways she didn’t yet fully understand, and the connection she was beginning to feel was undeniable. “I think you’re right,” Evangeline agreed, her voice full of a quiet certainty. “There’s something in the air here… it’s hard to explain, but it’s definitely real.” She gave a small, almost shy smile. “I’m happy that I’m able to capture even a fraction of that with my art.”

As Marisol spoke of the stall and the magic of seeing beyond the surface, Evangeline nodded slowly. She had always prided herself on looking deeper, on seeking out what was hidden beneath the surface, whether in her own work or in the people she met - which had naturally been influenced by her father's work in her upbringing. Now, it seemed that Cardinal Hill, with all its quirky charm and underlying mysteries, was doing the same with her. She wasn’t here by accident. She was meant to be here.

Her breath caught a little as Marisol mentioned taking the piece home with her. The idea of it finding a place where it would be appreciated, framed and displayed, filled her with a sense of pride she didn’t expect. Evangeline had given away and sold her art to so many different people, but it wasn't every time that it felt so meant to be. She looked at the painting again, the way the light seemed to dance across the water, and felt a pang of reluctance to let it go. But she could see it - framed and placed just right in Marisol’s home, a part of the woman’s world, and that felt right too, even more so than Evangeline keeping it herself.

“I’d be honoured,” Evangeline replied, her voice steady but warm. “It’s exactly what I wanted, to share my art with someone who truly appreciates it. I would love to come visit Widow’s Wail to see it once it’s framed. Thank you, Marisol.” She took a deep breath, then smiled. “I’ve already said it, but it’s worth saying again - you’re too kind. Your words mean so much to me.” With the invitation to visit hanging in the air, Evangeline felt a growing sense of excitement. This wasn’t just a transaction of art, it was the beginning of a connection. One she was eager to see unfold.

Marisol listened intently, her gaze lingering on Evangeline’s art with a soft appreciation, her own gratitude evident in the warm smile she offered. "The energy in your work speaks volumes,” she said, admiring how each piece seemed to capture the essence of Cardinal Hill through fresh eyes. “It’s as if you’re breathing life into each scene, and that’s no easy feat.” She gave an approving nod, recognizing the soul poured into these depictions of her beloved town.

As Evangeline mentioned the theme, Marisol’s eyes flickered with understanding. “Choosing autumnal pieces shows great thoughtfulness,” she remarked. “It’s one thing to paint, but quite another to capture the spirit of a season and place." She studied the subtle blend of warm tones and delicate lines Evangeline had used, each brushstroke seeming to evoke a different feeling within her.

Her attention shifted to the favorite piece Evangeline placed before her—a lakeside scene at dusk. Marisol’s eyes softened, taking in the tranquil glow of the setting sun casting warmth over the water. “Ah, yes,” she murmured, tracing her fingers along the air above the piece as if not daring to touch it. “I can see why you feel a connection with this one. It holds a quiet magic of its own—one that words can hardly capture. There’s a sense of stillness, of belonging… as if nature herself is offering up this place as a gift.”

Meeting Evangeline’s gaze, Marisol smiled. “That sense you spoke of — feeling meant to be somewhere — that’s a rare thing. Cardinal Hill is not an easy town, but for those it calls to, it offers more than a place. And I think that may be what you’re capturing here - what she's offering to you. Each piece you make becomes a testament to this moment, and the magic you’re making of it.”

She glanced at the stalls around them, many pristine and deliberate in their presentation, then returned her gaze to Evangeline’s. “You may not have the flashiest stall, but I suspect people will find you for what truly matters—the heart you put into each stroke. After all, that’s the charm of this town: it calls those who see beyond the surface, just as you seem to.” And yet, the town was a siren, and sirens were dangerous, fickle creatures. Still, Marisol didn't have it in her heart to warn the other. She loved the capricious bitch the town could be and welcomed her chaos.

"My mother will love the piece you will give her, and I love this one. Would you allow me to give it a home? I will get it framed, and then, you will come visit me at Widow's Wail to see it, won't you? I will send you a formal invitation, of course. My mother would allow nothing else. But if this piece speaks to you, and you wish to keep it - please. Do."

[ruthiesrambles2]

The thing about 2x09 is that I genuinely don't think Wilford realises Ruth is going to say no. Of course he sets it up that he wins some sort of power play either way but there's just a hint of confusion on his face, disbelief. Something he forgot to factor into his calculations when he carefully crafted how it would all go. I think he thinks that, reminded of her desire to be by his side, Ruth will capitulate. A high profile defection and proof that people will fall back into him. And people would have followed her, that's true. But he missed something, something I believe Alex had worked out by this point...

[starvail]

wdym i have a head dent?!

narumi gen / gn!spouse!reader

synopsis : "narumi gen is highly respected in his own division, with every officer following him with determination and every platoon leader dyeing their hair like him as a sign of respect."

content : only crack, fluff, gender neutral reader, reader works in jakdf, a few flashbacks, a little bit more on the lore side, the word beautiful is used to describe the reader, shinonome's age is just a guess, mostly shinonome pov, narumi should have his own warning fr, vice captain and platoon leaders are tired.

words : 1.7k

a/n : you can’t convince me that this man hasn’t went out on a mission with a head dent at least once-

part two of 'a cheers to our youth'

She remembers years ago, newly turned twenty, and nervously standing in front of your desk, arms crossed behind her back, posture rigid.

This would be the first time she will be meeting you in person, rather than listening to your demands through a communicator.

Now is the time to make the best lasting first impression. To prove that she is capable of handling things much bigger than an ordinary officer.

"Thank you very much for deeming me worthy of a rank review! I will not let you down!"

"Don't thank me for something as trivial as just a chance of a promotion. I know you'll do well in the future, Shinonome. The person you really need to impress is the First Captain."

You do not look up from your paperwork, and though many will see this as quite cold and rude, she's heard from numerous people that you simply do not have the time to entertain anything or anyone else within working hours.

The fact that you even spared a one-on-one meeting with her was an honour, and Shinonome will forever respect your dedication. Unfortunately, her lips move to articulate her thoughts before she could stop herself.

"I aspire to contribute to the Defence Force as much as you and Captain Narumi, Head! Please wait for me!" She slaps a hand over her mouth.

Stopping your editing to the paper before you, you look up at her in surprise at her outburst. Shinonome is swift in attempting to correct her statement.

"Uhm...! I did not mean it in that way, Head. A-Apologies for speaking out of line. I'll commence however many push ups-"

"Hahaha!" You made no move to hide your mirth and Shinonome does not know whether to be concerned or relieved at your reaction.

She curses at herself. Dammit, well done, Rin. You definitely made a lasting first impression alright. Great, now Head is gonna see you as a clown vying for their hand.

"No need for the push ups. I appreciate your passion, Shinonome. However, I am already married, so I will have to decline." It seems that you will not let her forget this. How cruel...

Wiping a forming tear at the edge of your eye, you sigh lightheartedly. "It's a good thing that you didn't say that to your Captain or else his head would blow up bigger than it already is!"

By now, the officer is bright red at her blunder before your words catch up to her. Wait, married...? Weren't you only a year or two older than her? Is she already falling behind her peers in yet another department?!

And though she does not say her thoughts aloud this time, you seem to be able to read her befuddled face too well. You hold up your hand and lift two fingers up like a peace sign, a soft smile adorning your own face.

At that moment, Shinonome realises that you are much friendlier in person compared to when you are communicating with Captain Narumi.

During missions, it was like listening to dogs fighting.

"I am two or three years older than you, I think, If I remember reading your files correctly. I just got married really young so don't worry too much about finding love or whatnot for now. Live in the present and all that." You wave off casually.

"If I may be so bold to ask..." Shinonome only now notices the metal band that you adorn around your fourth finger and shyly looks at her own twiddling bare fingers.

"Hm? Go ahead." Your focus is still on her.

"What age did you get married?"

"Eighteen."

"?!"

You burst back into laughter when Shinonome's composed and seemingly nonchalant persona crumbles and she is left there dumbfounded.

A feint 'don't mind' playfully slips out as you excuse yourself to deliver your now finished papers and pat her shoulder on your way to the door.

Shinonome finds that you will truly not let her live down her moment in your office.

Even months later, after she was proven competent and promoted to Platoon Leader. Be it during a mission, passing each other in the corridor, or in a meeting.

("Platoon Leader Shinonome, please wait for me in my office after this." / "Shinonome, please wait for the arrival of new equipment sent over by...." / "Ah, Rin. Thanks for waiting for me, traffic was atrocious today!" All of those interactions being followed by a knowing smirk.)

Despite this, the two of you have grown closer, more casual. Dare she say that the two of you were even friends.

She learnt that you are married to the Narumi Gen and that you have known him since you were children (she had always assumed those endearments he torments you with during missions were a joke).

Learns you prefer drinking iced coffee rather than hot.

You only wear shoes you can very easily slip on.

You like to make edits to documents using a purple pen rather than the standard red.

You personalise your lab coats by stitching your initials and operator number to the cuffs (swearing her to secrecy, you tell her that you also stitch Captain Narumi's initials, but instead at the cuffs, it's hidden inside the pocket over where your heart is).

In spite of your seemingly intimidating work front, you are still very much human.

(Years down the line, Shinonome has well learnt that you were never scary, or aloof, or anything of the sort. She guesses your role in the Defence Force just forces you to seem like it, given your importance.)

Shinonome also learns that you and Narumi dye each other's hair.

"Oh, this?" You motion to the groupings of fresh silver highlights in your hair. The Platoon Leader had to deliver some documents and noticed the change and decided to compliment you on it, it fits you. She asks if you had it done professionally.

It looks really nice... maybe she would suit something similar?

"No, I didn't go to a salon. You think I have the money for that sort of thing?" Yes, yes you do, Head.

"I've been dyeing Captain Loser's hair since we were teenagers, and he decided while we were touching up his roots that it's been a while since we were matching and wouldn't leave me alone otherwise. I didn't get to sleep until two last night!"

You say it with such disdain that if she were a new recruit, she would think that you meant it.

But Shinonome knew you better than that, because you could never hide the adoration that shone through your irises, or the fondness in your smile.

Perhaps, one day, she will meet someone that would elicit the same reaction when talking about her...

"He wanted to do my hair without my help so now there's a chunk of under layer hair that's all silver instead of just highlights. If you look even closer, you might see just bleached bits that he forgot to colour! He botched it!"

She would be lying if she were to say she wasn’t jealous.

You are beautiful and intelligent and considerate and sincere. And though you are not physically strong, you show your strength in a plethora of other ways, your contributions named on newspapers displayed along your office walls are evident of that. Your strategies and tactics have led many to victory and the Eastern Defence Force is as strong as ever.

Truly, you and Narumi Gen are forces to be reckoned with and Shinonome could not be more thankful to be so in reach.

She does not realise she was staring at you for so long until you speak up.

"Ah! Would you like me to do your hair sometime?"

"Oi, Dumbass. Stop trying to act cool in front of the newbies."

Narumi, dramatically posing solemnly atop a fresh kaiju corpse, tilts his head back to face the flying drone's camera and shows off a smirk at the sound of your voice.

"Well, if it isn't my darling dearest, everything okay at Comms?" He waves lazily, but this seems to irk you more.

"You were playing Underwatch, when I told you not to, weren't you." You frame it as a statement, rather than a question.

Everyone in Operations and Officers around Narumi watches as their Captain's jaw drops to the floor, eyes bulging out of his skull.

He is quick to grab at the drone and shakes it wildly, as if it was a person he was trying to gouge information out of. The propellers are swift to turn off, you knew this kind of reaction was coming from miles away.

"Who snitched?!" His face is all up on the camera.

At this point, Narumi knew that it was of his best interest to admit the truth rather than make up excuses on the spot, especially if you used that tone.

But how could you have possibly found out? He even made sure to download a special VPN so you couldn't track his gameplay! Was it Hasegawa? It had to have been Hasegawa. Damn you, Hasegawa-

"Your galactic-sized head dent gave it away. Do you not have enough sense to at least fix it before you leave for duty?" You sigh on the other end of the mic, disappointment evident in your admonishment.

"Huh?"

The drone starts up again and Narumi is forced to let go as it turns to face ninety degrees away from him and projects a hologram of himself, but from his side.

Lo and behold, all of the Captain's hair is sticking straight up, as per usual when he is in combat, except for the areas at the centre of his skull, a clear band of hair matted down with a sheen of presumably sweat.

"Pfft, I hope the news articles capture this very flattering side of you! 'What a loser,' they'll all say." You do your best to cover up a snicker. The drone is now happily emoting like an actual person, tilting side to side as if it were someone's head, taunting him.

"NO!!" Narumi is on his knees, frantically trying to fix his hair while maniacal laughter resonates from the floating device.

From a distance, a certain Platoon Leader watches on, irked. Out of all of the people to admire for the power they bring to the Defence Force, out of all the people to strive to be like, why did it have to be these two?

[pinkydevil16]

Dark!Coriolanus Snow x Reader: gilded cage

18+ smut, possessiveness, toxic af, 

Snow was a manipulative bastard and yet he was so charming that now he sat in front of the capitol as President, something which terrified Y/n to her core as he held out his hand towards her. Much like her husband she wore all white, a beautifully crafted white dress with roses embellished all over the skirt identical to the one Coriolanus wore on his breast pocket. Stepping forward Y/n placed her bejewelled hand in his, their wedding bands touching as he wove his fingers between hers and stood. Kissing her hand as she bowed to her husband, the President of the capitol and all the districts, an honour bestowed upon him yet Y/n had no doubt this would happen some day, just not so quickly. Coriolanus turned to the audience, pulling Y/n close as he placed a kiss on her forehead, hearing the crowd cheer for their President and his Victor from district 12. His first victor, his first love and his little pet. 

Y/n could feel his hand on her back as many of the Capitols elite and powerful congratulated him, each one grinning ear to ear as he thanked them, tapping his fingers to signal Y/n to talk. Her hand coming out to introduce herself and thank them for voting for her husband, although she was sure it had been rigged in his favour. He was fond of cheating, he cheated so she could win her games a few years ago, cheated the system to keep her in the capitol and most certainly cheated to become President. Although she wasn't permitted to call it cheating when they argued about his manipulative nature, no that word made him angry and he'd shout that he only did what was necessary. That she'd be dead without him, some nobody from district 12 that even her parents would forget to mourn, at first his words had stung, had given him a chance to comfort her and apologise. Hold her in his hands whilst she cried that the world wasn't fair, let him whisper sweet things of how he was only saving her but over time his sweet words hurt more than the insults, they cut deeper. Reminded her how she'd been caught by the snake, locked away from her family and treated as though she was lucky for being slowly destroyed by Snow. 

"It is so wonderful to see the Capitol's darling doing so well, President Snow you did a beautiful job with this one." Y/n could feel her eye twitch, the comment angering her, they all spoke about her like she was an animal he'd tamed and made perform. Not that they were wrong, unfortunately she was an animal to them, a dirty, pitiful nobody who Snow had dusted off, put in pretty dresses and showed off to the rich. A doll dressed up for the masses, just like the victors after her, although she was in a gilded cage, locked away from all but her husband, they were in a similar condition. The victors village, another genius idea from her husband, so the Capitol could visit them, see how they coped after the games. See them reunite with their families and congratulate themselves on allowing those outside the capital to thrive under their watch. It disgusted Y/n, another element of control that Coriolanus enjoyed exploiting, it had only been 5 years since her games yet so much had changed. The arena was harsher, more cameras, more blood shed and now the reason to win, protect your family and give them everything they could ever want. Not like in her games or those before where you were sent back to your district to starve, to work yourself to the bone whilst the blood stained your hands. 

"I am so proud to be apart of the Capitol, it has been an honour to marry Coriolanus, i fell for him the moment i saw him as i stepped off that train. He was the first gentleman i'd ever truly met, he gave me the most beautiful rose and since then he had my heart." Y/n repeated the same story she'd told for the past 4 years, almost like a robot as the words came out, her cheeks hurting as she smiled and looked at Snow. His blue eyes staring down at her as he gave her an approving smile, loving how she followed the script he had for her, not allowing her to speak freely. He called her his dove but she felt like a mockingjay, repeating his words over and over. That word was also a big no, he despised the birds, claimed they were failures of the Capitol and she should never compare herself to such a disaster. 

"You have been married for almost 4 years now, shall we start preparing for babies soon?" One of his Academy 'friends' joked, whilst Y/n's blood ran cold she could almost feel the burning desire in Coriolanus as he laughed and joked back something Y/n couldn't hear over the pounding of her heart. She knew he wanted children, he'd always wanted to be President more and she'd played that against him, reminded him that he had to think of his career. Placated him as he stood in the mirror, her perfectly manicured hands wrapped around his middle as she pressed against his back. Goating his ego, he had work to do, he was going to be President and become the most powerful man in Panem, President Snow. He loved to hear those words come from her mouth, it stroked his ego to no end and would distract him from his desire to have her round his baby. Instead he would demand she bend the knee to her President, would exert as much power as he could over her, make her thank him for everything she had and everything she would ever be given, all thanks to him. But it was better than carrying his child, nurturing his child and watching that child grow up to be him. It didn't matter what influence she could have on the child, she could spend hours upon hours teaching them morals, teaching them to be good, she knew they'd be like him. Tigris had once told her of how Coryo was good, was misunderstood and told her tales of their childhood that made Y/n almost feel pity for Snow, almost. But each story still lead to where he was now, a possessive, controlling and paranoid man. 

In the first year of being victor she'd been so jumpy, hearing things, thinking she was being followed, driving herself into madness with fear. She'd had countless accidents with hurting people from being spooked, and thought she'd never recover from the games, that it was just in her head and she was losing it. Until he'd finally talked to her, confessed his feelings and told her he knew she felt the same, that he'd been there the whole time. That he'd been protecting her, had seen how she'd not been able to cope without him and suddenly all her fears rolled into own person, Coriolanus Snow who had been orchestrating her downfall since she left the arena. Suddenly her Mother and younger brother were being put in the new 'Victor Village' unveiled before the 11th hunger games, with Y/n and her family waving happily to the districts and a speech of how wonderful life was to be a victor. 

"You did so well my dove." Y/n looked up at Coriolanus as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, his hands barely touching her arms as he did. Pulling away he smiled down at her before lightly grasping her chin, pulling her into a searing kiss which she reciprocated after a small, sharp grip to her arms. Coriolanus pulled back, grinning as he stepped away and turned to begin removing his suit jacket, hanging it carefully to stop it creasing.

"Can i see my family, please Coryo. It has been almost a year since i last saw my mother." Y/n could feel her voice getting weaker as she spoke, seeing him slouch slightly as he let out a sigh making her wring her hands in front of her before he abruptly turned. Y/n looked down at her hands as he approached, aware of his body towering over her, almost like she was a small child asking a parent for something. 

"Do you think you deserve such a reward? My sweet dove." Y/n let go of her hands and placed them behind her back, forcing herself to look up at him as he stood with his arms crossed. This was a test, much like all the others he'd presented to her over the years. She thought one day she'd have mastered how to answer but her palms still became clammy, her chest tightened and she felt dizzy the same as the first time he'd asked her such a simple question.

"I think i deserve whatever you give to me." Y/n could see him preen at the obvious submission, a cat like grin taking over his features as he moved fast, leaning down and hoisting her into his arms as Y/n yelped in surprise. 

"And if i think i deserve more for such a reward? What would you give to me, what would you do to see them?" His hands held her thighs in a deadly grip as he walked them through the apartment, her hands gripping his shoulders as her eyes darted around trying to gauge her surroundings. 

"Dove." His tone held a warning as her eyes dropped back to his as he slowed his pace and pressed her against a wall, her eyes moving to where their bed sat behind him, the sheets newly changed and perfectly arranged. Moving her eyes back to his as she tried to hide her fear, recalling what his old friend had said, she knew what he wanted. He'd always wanted it, and now nothing she said could be put inbetween. He was holding her family against her for a family of his own, although even if she hadn't asked, she'd still be in the same position. Being told to ask for it. 

"I don't know." Y/n stuttered out, aware of how hot she was becoming, the panic seeping into her bones at the thought of being a mother, she could see it in his eyes, feel it against her thigh as he looked at her like prey.

"That's okay my precious dove, i don't expect my beautiful wife to have to think about things. Why don't i just take what i deserve and you look pretty whilst i do?" Coriolanus pressed his face into her neck, pressing her against the wall with his body so his hands could push her dress up and around her waist. 

"You make those pretty noises for me and take me just as you normally do. But this time i'm going to fuck a baby into you just as i have wanted to do since i met you." Y/n let out a small yelp as she felt his fingers reach into her underwear, her mind dissociating as he whispered words she couldn't hear into her ear. 

"No! You don't get to do that!" Coriolanus shouted all of a sudden, pulling Y/n back to where she now laid against the bed, her dress gone and her husband angrily stood between her legs, hands gripping the bed til his fingers were white as he seethed.

"I'm sorry." Y/n forced out, it wasn't often he noticed her mind was elsewhere, too consumed by his pleasure and how her body responded. She allowed her body to relax, whilst her mind ran through fields, dove into lakes and occasionally put her back into the game except now she was fighting against Coriolanus. Raising a hand she lightly touched his face, guiding him down until she could kiss him, soothing his anger as she wrapped her legs around him. Guiding him to where he wanted to be, allowing him to enter her as he sighed at the loving embrace, pulling back to push his head into her beck. Placing small kissing against her hot skin, hands roaming along her as he moved against her. Y/n was given reprieve as she closed her eyes, imagining she was swimming in the lake with Coriolanus, a memory she fondly looked back on. Two friends swimming together, and in her memory she could remove the look in his eyes, the way his hands touched her and instead it was a beautiful memory of a time when she felt safe. 

"You are so beautiful, i knew i had to have you. Since the minute you were picked you were mine, you were my tribute, to save and nurture. To protect. And now you are going to repay me, with a beautiful child for us to love. Although i do fear i will never love our child as much as i love you. But everyone will know you are forever mine, no one will ever hurt you." Y/n placed a hand on his hair, running it through his curls as she let out a sigh, spurring her husband on as he raised his head.

"I cannot wait to see you round with my child." Y/n nodded, pulling him down to her lips as she raised her hips to meet his thrusts, knowing his own words were spurring him more than any action she could do. He was in control.

Y/n sat next to Snow, their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren all stood behind them as he unveiled the 75th hunger games, the 3rd Quarter Quells. And his last hope of ending the rebellion. But all Y/n hoped for, was that the Mockingjay would sing and she could be free at last.

[vanishingcherry]

MARRY ME?

pairing: charles leclerc x reader

warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of jules bianchi and herve leclerc, google translated french, marriage and proposals (self explanatory)

summary: the 4 times charles has asked you to marry him and the one time you said yes

masterlist

๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑

── 6 years old

Your parents had brought you to a wedding.

Your mother was the bride's closest friend, meaning you had the honour of being the flower girl. The ceremony itself was short and sweet, you watched the bride in awe, in love with her dress.

Not too long later, you were joined by a young boy your age. He was the ring bearer, also watching as the ceremony came to a close.

As the newly married couple walks out together, the boy turns to you.

"We should get married too" He suggests.

"What?" you ask, eyebrows furrowing in surprise. "I don't even know your name"

"C'est Charles. Et toi?" it's charles, and you?

"Y/N."

"Ok so now we can get married, yes? It will be fun."

"Je ne sais pas Charles, i dont know, I need to ask mummy first." You reply. On the outside you were trying to act as normal as possible, but on the inside, you kind of wanted it to happen.

To be fair, why wouldn't you want to wear a pretty dress and get some pretty flowers. You could picture it now, walking down the aisle with a bouquet in your hand and a sparkling dress with thousands of glittery sequins.

It was settled then. If she said yes, you would get married. It would be perfect. Grabbing Charles's hand, you scan the room for your mother, spotting her at the main table, awaiting the arrival of the bride and groom.

Running up to her, you tug at her dress with your hand, still holding Charles's in the other. She looks down.

"Mummy he asked me to marry him." You say in excitement, raising the hand that was entwined with Charles's.

Everyone at the table laughs at that, and you frown in response, not understanding what was wrong. Your mother, stifling a laugh herself, replies, "And what did you say?"

"That I had to ask you first. Is it okay if I marry him mummy?"

"Hmm are you sure you're not a little too young?"

"But i'm 6 years old. That is an entire hand plus 1". Adamant to get a pretty dress, you press on. Charles is still holding your hand, standing behind you patiently. He didn't want to say anything that would ruin his chances.

His mother had explained to him a few days ago why weddings happened. She had said that he would know when he met the person he wanted to marry, that she would be beautiful and kind and the best person in the world.

Pascale had explained to Charles that day that if he loved the girl, then everything would be alright, and they would be together forever. Upon meeting Y/N, he knew that she was his forever, it was just incredibly unfortunate that her mother seemed to think 6 was too young when it was obviously the perfect age.

You were still trying to convince your mother that it was perfect, everything was already set up and you were sure the bride wouldn't mind if you got married too.

"How about this", she suggests, "what if you and Charles get married when you are 25?"

"25!" You're shocked, 25 seemed so far away.

"I think 25 is the perfect age, yes? Both of you will be old enough then."

Knowing it was the best deal you would get, you agreed. Leading Charles away, you told him what your mother and you had compromised on. He seemed slightly disappointed at the news, but figured it would be okay, it was only 19 years after all.

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

Unbeknownst to you, your mothers were exchanging numbers at the table, knowing it would be impossible to keep you two apart after today.

── 17 years old

Charles had gotten into Formula 1.

Not too long after winning the F2 Championship, Charles had started getting calls. He was almost always on the phone with his manager, before finally announcing that he signed with Sauber. Years of hard work and months of negotiation had paid off.

That was an interesting day. Both your families were sitting together in the Leclerc's living room. You were sitting between Charles and Arthur, playing games on the TV. After boasting about winning agains the two of them in Mario Cart, you slumped against the sofa, not wanting to play anymore.

Before the two brothers started the new game, Charles got up and stood in the middle of the room, calling for everyone's attention.

"As you all know, we've been trying to figure out a deal for Formula 1", he started, referring to himself and his manager. "And I'm going to be joining Sauber next year!"

Shouts of excitement were all that could be heard for the next few minutes, everyone overjoyed for the young boy who had spent his entire life working towards this very goal.

You were the first to get up and hug him, squealing in delight at the news. Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, everyone else in the family forming a big group hug around the two of you.

That was months ago. Now, the two of you stood in his room, 2 weeks before the start of the new season. Charles had to go to the airport early next morning, joining the team for a few days in the simulator. However, as normal, he had left packing till the very last minute.

He'd called you over a few hours ago, freaking out over what to pack and what to leave behind. You went over, entering his room to see clothes scattered everywhere. Rolling your eyes, you start directing him, telling him to clean up while you sort through the piles to figure out what he needs.

Over an hour later, the two of you fall on the bed, tired after having run all over the house to find everything Charles needed. Everything was done, packed up in the suitcase that would accompany him around the world.

Too late to sleep, the two of you opted to stay in his room and talk, whiling away the few hours before he had to head to the airport.

"My god Y/N, marry me will you?"

Blushing in response, you turn to face him. "What?"

Oblivious as he was, Charles had absolutely no idea of your growing crush on him. It had been going on for years, but you never said anything to him, too scared to ruin your friendship.

You were already the subject of teasing from both Lorenzo and Arthur, who had been blackmailed into not telling Charles. Pascale and your own parents hadn't yet commented on the relationship, choosing to let young love play out.

Charles had no idea, none at all. Never had he made any move that suggested he knew or felt the same way. Hence, a proposal was definitely not what you expected when you walking into his house earlier in the day.

"I don't know what I would do without you Y/N. Honestly Fred would've killed me if I showed up with only half the things I needed."

You let out a small chuckle. "We are a bit too young to get married, no?"

He turns back to face the ceiling. "I guess so."

2 hours later, you found yourself waving him off as he entered the terminal, heading to the Sauber headquarters for a week before pre-season testing, your heart still beating faster any time you thought of the conversation that had taken place.

── 20 years old

Charles was drunk.

It was a night out in Monaco. Most of the drivers could be found in the club, packed together, dancing and drinking following the grand prix earlier in the day.

Charles hadn't finished in a good position, meaning he was more than eager to drink the night away. You, tired after a day at the paddock, decided to go home instead.

From the moment he got the first drink down, all he could talk about was you. He would go around to all the drivers, asking them if they had seen how pretty you looked earlier today, or telling them a story about something you did as a child.

"Have I told you about the time we were matching on halloween?"

"Y/N got in so much trouble in school that day."

"She was so excited when she got to meet her favourite singer today!"

He was smitten, all of them knew it, and so they sat there and listened with smirks on their faces. Finally, tired of all the whining, Pierre dropped off Charles at your apartment.

Waking up to a phone call and multiple knocks on your door, you walked into your living room, quickly opening the door to see a grinning Pierre at your door, Charles leaning against him.

"He was being annoying, you can keep him", the frenchman says, tilting his head in Charles direction. "He's drunk."

"I can see that", you mutter, still slightly annoyed at the fact that you were woken up in the middle of the night, but grateful that Charles hadn't ended up walking the streets of Monaco alone.

The drunk man stumbled into your arms, waiting patiently for you to finish thanking Pierre who swiftly headed back to the club.

So, at around 1 in the morning, you found yourself awake and half carrying Charles to the sofa. He fell against it, leaning back and closing his eyes as you went to get a glass of water.

You see his face light up when you enter the room. Leaving the glass on the table for him to drink, you go get some pillows from your room.

Coming back, you see that he had already finished his water, and was looking at you intently.

"Tu es si belle. Have I ever told you that?" you are so beautiful

"Oui, et tu est tout aussi beau" yes, and you are just as handsome

Your crush still existed, perhaps even more so than before. It was impossible to deny the fact that he had only grown more attractive in the last few years. However, knowing it was just his drunk self talking, you chose the ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

He doesn't reply, watching as you set everything up comfortably before lying back. Just as you're about to leave to switch off the light, he grabs your hand, forcing you to turn around.

"Marry me Y/N."

The surprise on your face was as clear as day, but Charles's drunk self seemed to see right past it. He kept his eyes on your own, waiting for a response.

"How about you take me out on a date first?" you laugh in response, fluffing up the pillow and placing a blanket on his body. He falls asleep within seconds, and you sport a small smile as you watched him, before making your way to the comfort of your own bed.

The next day, you woke up to breakfast in bed. A stack of pancakes accompanied by grinning Charles and a note that read "Will you go out with me?"

Regardless to say, the date went amazing. It was simple, just the two of you hanging out in your favourite places in Monaco, drinking coffee and making jokes.

It was only a month later when Charles officially asked you to be his girlfriend during a movie night at home, to which you promptly replied a yes. And just another month after that when you heard him whisper a small "je t'aime" as you drifted off to sleep in a hotel room.

── 24 years old

Ferrari had finally made a good car.

It was the final race of the season and the battle raged on between Charles and Max. Both had an equal chance of winning the championship, Charles only 2 points behind Max in the leaderboard. Whoever won this race would win it all.

You were sitting in the garage, gaze not shifting from the screen in front of you. You watched the two drivers continuously switch positions, going from P1 to P2 and vice versa.

Max having lead for the last few laps, you stood up in joy when Charles overtook him at the end of the penultimate lap. Just 1 more lap. Charles was one lap away from being the World Champion.

You watched as Max's rear tire locked up in the second sector, increasing the gap to 2 seconds. The joy in your heart was bubbling up as Charles got closer and closer to the finish line. Joining the rest of the engineers, you leaned over the railings, watching as he crossed the finish line.

Immediately you ran to the pit wall, grabbing a pair of headphones.

"Amour you did it! World Champion!" You couldn't contain your delight, tears of joy falling as you go around hugging everyone in sight.

"Oh my god. We did it! We did it!" You heard his voice come through. "Thank you to everyone oh my god. I cannot believe it. I love you." Your grin becomes even wider at the last line directed towards you.

"Je t'aime Charles. Oh my god you did it."

Shouts of "yes" and "oh my god" were all that could be heard for the next few seconds. You stood there and listened, knowing just how much Charles deserved it. He had worked every day, either by himself in the gym or with the engineers, figuring out strategies for the next race. He deserved this more than anyone else.

Leaving the headphones near one of the many computers, you run to where the rest of the engineers were gathering. The red car parks at P1, and you look on in unfiltered glee as Charles jumps out, raising his hands in celebration.

He runs over to you, grabbing your face before pulling you in for a kiss. Knowing that there were people watching you, he keeps its short, but its passionate nonetheless.

When he pulls away, you see the shine in his eyes, helmet still on as everyone working at Ferrari rushes over to pat him on the back or give a hug.

Arthur, Lorenzo and his mother are there as well. The former having come P3 in his race earlier in the day, and the latter two having made the trip from Monaco to watch the climatic ending to the season.

You stand to the side with them when Charles heads to the cooldown room, talking to Pascale.

"Herve serait fiere, si fiere" herve would be proud, so proud.

"Et Jules aussi", you add. and jules too "He won it for them."

She smiled. Not too long after, an engineer walked over to you, directing you to the stage. He claimed that Charles wanted you to watch from closer.

5 minutes later, standing off to the side, you look on as he is handed the championship trophy. Cheering alongside everyone else, the delight is evident on your face as he raises it above his head.

The celebrations start. You watch as the engineers filter in, each holding their own bottle of champagne. Catching your eyes, Charles walks over, pulls you up on the podium with him, immediately drenching you in champagne. The celebrations continue as more and more people join.

He hugs you tight, blocking your line of sight. The noise is overwhelming, but in that moment, it's just the two of you. You hug him back, whispering in his ear, unaware of everyone else leaving the podium. I love you, I am so proud of you.

When it's just the two of you left, Charles pulls back. You look around in surprise, turning back to Charles to tell him to get off the podium, gasping when you realise what he was doing.

He was down on one knee, looking at you as though you had hung the stars in the sky. In his hand was a small box that held the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. The diamond in the center shone under the bright lights, but nothing could distract you from Charles.

"Veux-tu m'epouser, mon amour?" will you marry me, my love

You nod almost immediately, tears still falling as your hands cover your mouth in shock. Yes, yes, yes. You get down to Charles's level, hugging him tighter than ever before. You hear him chuckle in your ear, kissing your neck as he too feels a few tears fall out.

You aren't sure how long the two of you stay that way, finding comfort in each others embrace, but you are startled when you hear the roar of the crowd. Leaning back, you can't help but laugh when you see all the drivers and thousands of fans clapping and celebrating your engagement.

Arthur is standing next to Pierre, the both of them hooting and cheering, knowing just how much behind-the-scenes encouragement it took for Charles to agree to proposing.

Looking back at Charles, you find him already looking at you. Giving him a kiss, you let him put the ring on your finger, cheek's hurting from how much you had smiled in the last hour.

It slips on with ease, and the diamonds seem to sparkle even more under the bright lights.

"Only took 4 times for you to say yes, eh?"

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

upon his grace 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power dynamics, cheating, bullying, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are called to court after the end of the civil war, but find yourself facing many challenges, expected and not. (fantasy medieval au)

Characters: king!Steve Rogers

Note: bro, Idk how I start at point A and get to fucking outer space. Also happy bday to Steverino.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The gardens of Astra Castle are unlike any you’ve seen before. Certainly, you’ve never been to a royal castle previously. Your father’s own hold is modest, still bearing the wooden foundation, whereas the rich lords have poured mortar and built in stone. 

So, it is a great honour to be among the noble women chosen to serve the queen. Most unexpected. As a daughter of a lower house, it is rather unusual, but it comes with the newly set writ tabled at the end of the uprising. That is how your father tells it anyhow. 

King Steven is as newly crowned as he is newlywed. After a lengthy revolt against the previous king, the land has settled, and upon his victory, the new ruler promises the expansion of prosperity to all. The very precedence of his war rested on the greed of the former court and its covetous lords. 

To those who took up his mantle, he has made good his word. To the commoners, he has sent bread and ale, livestock and alms; to the nobles, he has granted titles and lands. You were of the same doubt as your father, however, you expected to be forgotten in the disarray. 

Yet, you were not. You’re there with several other ladies. A set of blond twins borne of a duke and duchess, the sole heir of a widowed countess, and several earl’s daughters such as yourself. Unlike them, you do not wear satin or silk, not muslin either. You have only the dyed linen your mother attempted to enhance with some embroidery around the cuffs and collar. 

“Marcia and Marigold,” the twins introduce themselves as you cluster together in the gardens, grooms and servants bustling around carriages and chests. “Lady Calliope,” they call out the countess’ daughter, “we met prior, yes? Your mother is near Estrela.” 

“She is,” Calliope answers in her stern manner, herself seeming a widow in her black dress. The shimmery fabric makes up for its single tone. 

“Ameri, Dorida, and... Selene,” they point to the other girls, themselves clothed in scarlet, rose, and azure respectively. “We know the earls, your fathers. They gathered at our father’s hold for the battle near Caffre.” 

The twins take turns speak so that sometimes you cannot track whose lips are moving. It is even that they trade off in the middle of sentences. You find yourself almost as lost by their words as your new surroundings. 

“And you...” The twins turn their jade eyes upon you. It is there you have found the only difference in them; they have the same heights, the same hair, the same gowns even, but there is a sliver of grey through Marcia’s green iris. “We haven’t figured who you are.” 

“My father is an earl. In Woodsdam.” 

“Woodsdam,” they echo in unison and share a look. They are perplexed. 

“A minor house,” Calliope provides. “a farmer more than a noble, if I’m not mistaken.” 

“We have vast lands and we tend to them, yes,” you assure. You expect their condescension. Your father warned you for it but he bid that you keep your chin up. The king has given him a mission of his own and so you will represent the family for the time. “We keep our people well and we fed the king’s troops when they marched." 

“Mm, sounds very... common,” Marigold grins and her sister snorts into her hand. 

“We know many lords like us, yes. They work hard amidst their vassals. It keeps the lands strong so that we may better serve the crown,” you return evenly.  

Your mother helped you prepare. She coached you to keep your manners and your spine. The latter is much more difficult as you face these ladies and their bobbles with only a ribbon in your hair and a pair of patched gloves. 

“Woodsdam? I think I rode through it once on the way to my grandfather’s summer castle,” Ameri tuts, “it was little more than a swamp.” 

“It must’ve been the spring rains, perhaps, lady,” you offer. 

“Summer house,” she enunciates, “one travels there in the summer.” 

Your cheek twitches at her barbed retort. Very well. You are not used to their sharpness. Their chittering has thus far centered on gossip and the cost of their new caps. 

“A wonder the pauper’s daughter received an invite. Are you certain you can read, lady?” Dorida snipes and looks to the twins for approval. You notice how they all tend to do so. 

“It was sent to my father, Lord Eldon,” your voice quavers. You are not so strong as your mother bid you to be.  

They cackle at your meek response, “the precious maiden of Woodsdam.” 

You put your head down as the activity all around threatens to swallow you up. You wish the ground would rent and you would fall right through. All your excitement has dissipated to a sludge in your veins. You touch your cheek as you try not to show your embarrassment. 

“The Lord of Woodsdam,” a deep voice startles you as boots approach from behind, “is that what I heard?” 

You stiffen up as the ladies before you hush and blink, almost in tandem. They curtsey as their faces wash over in shock and you turn to face the newcomer. A man in a deep blue vest over black sleeves and grey breeches. He wears belt of gold and a circlet across his brow in a similar hue. It is that which betrays his statues. 

You lower your eyes and mimic the other women, mortified to be faced with new king so informally. You would not think him wandering out in the yard. Still, he has vowed to be unlike the former leige. That he would be of the people. 

“King Steven, your majesty,” the others titter in a messy chant and you murmur your own propriety as you back away. You find yourself still to the shoulder of the king as the other ladies give no room for you to join. 

The vision of him stains your mind. He is tall, with dark blond tresses that extend past his neck, and blue eyes which put his own attire to shame. He has a jaw which looks etched in stone and a bearing which matches his rank. He is tall and broad and a finely built knight. 

“It is an honour,” Marcia says most boldly. 

“You may rise,” he allows in a breezy timbre. “I did hear my wife would receive new ladies. Young ladies.” 

“Your majesty,” the murmur rolls across each lip. 

“It is much needed. We have so many established ladies at court and yet we need to think of the future. Of the next generation,” he declares as he emphasizes his words with his large hand. You watch his garnet ring to keep from so brazenly looking him in the face. 

“Certainly, your majesty,” Marcia and Marigold chime in unision. 

“And don’t worry for there are many young lords as well,” the king laughs galely at the quip which makes the ladies, yourself included, blush. “Ah, then, Woodsdam I believe we were speaking of...” 

You blink and glance at the other ladies. They are cowed, unsure if they were overheard in their derision. You hope as much as they that they were not. It is rather unflattering. 

“My father, Lord Eldon,” you explain, “your majesty.” 

“You? You are the young lady of Woodsdam I heard so much of.” 

“You did? Er, your majesty,” you curtsey apologetically; unnecessarily. 

“Certainly, I did. Your father was a great assistance in me holding counsel with the lower lords. He is very patient. “When not about his duty, he spoke of you oft. Though what matters are more important than family?” 

“Yes, your majesty,” you can’t help a smile, “my father is a very kind man.” 

“Kind and courageous. I’m certain you’ve inherited as much,” the king praises, “and these other ladies. The twins who belong to Mawsley, the Countess of Clovers daughter, and the three earls daughters from the White Plains.” 

The ladies each bow their heads as he proclaims them by their forebearers’ titles. You watch from aside, feeling even more out-of-place. The king recites them all proudly as he extends a finger for each. 

“Allow me myself to extend a welcome to Astra. When you are sorted, my wife shall receive you all and have you acquainted with the grounds. I hope you enjoy them, we’ve had the gardeners at work day and night,” he pronounces, “for now, I must be off, for a king has many obligations and not so much time.” 

He bows and turns on his heel, marching off with his shoulder straight and head high. He walks as a soldier does, not some lord. You’ve seen the difference before, more recently in the aftermath of battle. A soldier is more akin to a farmer, much as your father, whereas a Lord tends to keep his steps tight. 

“Wow, oh my,” Dorida fans herself, “he is rather handsome.” 

“Oh yes,” Marcia and Marigold say, the latter forging ahead, “we met him at our father’s castle. He is ever so charming.” 

“Hm, and the queen would love to hear it, I’m certain,” Calliope intones brusquely. 

“The queen is not here,” Ameri sneers, “so what does it matter? Besides, is it so wrong to state a truth?” 

“He is very elegant,” Selene agrees. 

“Much too kind, as well,” Marigold snips, “Woodsdam? He speaks as if it more than some paltry farmhouse.” 

“You’d never even heard of it,” Calliope remarks. 

“And how had you, hm? You seem the bookish type. Perhaps you should leave the maps to the men. What good will a river or road do for a widow’s welp?” 

“Needn’t be cruel,” Calliope rebuffs. 

“Pity if this is the lot they send,” Marcia shakes her head as the sisters share another cryptic look. 

You keep to yourself. That is all you can do. It is better to watch and learn than to leap and land wherever you might. Your mother always said so and she was your best teacher. 

“Right, there must be some maid who might show us to our rooms,” Marigold stands on her toes and waves at each passing servant. “I tire of the sunlight and boorish company.” 

👑

You have two trunks awaiting you in your chambers. Not as the other ladies who had at least a dozen each. Less humble than your lunger are the rooms themselves.

There is an antechamber hung with tapestries showing wildlife and flora, a table set for two and cushioned bench by the window. The bedroom is draped in similar hangings with a four-post bed and a grand hearth. A desk, another bench, a woven carpet, and fine accouterments on square tables. And a closet for the commode as well and a pot in the far corner of the bedchamber. 

If only your mother and father could see this. They would be just as amazed. You can’t help but admire all of it. To touch the curtains as you approach the window and stare off at the afternoon sky. The gardens are a medley of hues; petals and thorns; leaves and dirt. It’s all so wonderful, you can still hardly believe it. 

Seems those other ladies can’t either. You can’t help but think of their words anon. They said so outrightly what you doubted inwardly. You don’t belong here. It must be so clear to them. 

You lean on the ledge and peer down into the garden pathways. It is almost a labyrinth with how intricately they’ve laid out the hedges. You lower yourself down to your elbows and cross your arms as you sigh. 

Your eyes are drawn from the swaying roses to the dark speck that appears below. You squint at first. From the second floor, it is harder to discern. It is the glimmer of gold in his hair and the defined gait that gives away the king. For an instant, you believe you might be dreaming. 

He walks along one path and to the next. There is another with him. A man with darker hair and a stauncher figure. They speak and stop just as they enter a circled walkway centered by a large vase of flowers. The other man talks, though you can hear neither, and the king rubs his chin. 

You should turn away. They might think you an eavesdropper. Oh, too late! You don’t dare move as the king tilts his head. You wouldn’t want to pique his attention. You cannot tell if he has spotted you. Not until he raises a hand and waves. The other man stops and looks to follow the gesture. 

You stand up straight but before you can flee in horror, you recall yourself. It is improper to turn your back to the king. You lift your hand and return the wave. He dips his head and turns to clap his companion’s shoulder, pointing him onward. 

Oh, you hope he is not unhappy. If you pray, perhaps he will not have recognised you. You needn’t an enemy of the king as well. 

[zeezelweazel]

Pls for Lia she just seems so kind and innocent and imagine she had been having some vanilla sex with all her exes. R is basically a fuckboy and always talking about her latest sexcapade. Lia hears about it all the time and can’t stop fantasizing R doing those things to her.

Lia Wälti| Fantasise|

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Goddd I love this idea anon you're a genius

First Lia fic let's goo (I got a few Lia requests and I'm so happy cuz this woman is so) honouring our swiss princess 🤞

Reader plays for arsenal

Part 2 → here

TW: masturbation, choking, scissoring, strap on use, bondage, spanking

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Everyone in Arsenal knew how much of a fuckboy you are. As England's number one womaniser you're proud to say that you've slept with more than half of the country, regular people and footballers alike. Of course your teammates are more than aware of the situation. Some of them, especially a certain Irish defender, love hearing about your latest one night stand. You're not going to say no to a chance to boast about your skills so you give them all the juicy details willingly.

Lia loves hearing you talk about your sex life. Perhaps more than she should but she's past the point of shame. Lia has been with plenty of women in her life but the sex was more or less the same. A few fingers, a girl giving her head and the occasional dildo action.

So when the Swiss woman hears about all the exciting things you do to others she immediately feels heat gather in her core.

Now is one of those times, with numerous Arsenal players huddled around you as you talk about yesterday's one night stand. Lia is sitting on the floor, away from everyone else but listening just as intently.

"Rubbish! I thought that only worked in porn."

You shake your head and laugh at Katie's comment. You smirk at the brunette before shrugging.

"Everything works if you're good enough to make it work." Some of the girls whistled and clapped at your confident remark while Katie rolled her eyes at you playfully.

Lia on the other hand was bitting her lip hard, her pupils blown and her pussy wet just at the mere thought of you doing that. But this time she didn't picture you with the random woman you dragged to your apartment, Lia thought of you with herself.

Lia's brown hair was splayed out on the white sheets of your bed, one of her hands tangled on the soft material while the other was wrapped around your wrist. Your hand squeezed around her neck once more until Lia's eyes rolled back into her head and her mouth dropped open. You chuckled and positioned one of her legs with your free hand before lowering your hips. The vibrations of Lia's moans travelled through your arm when you finally connect your cunts. You groaned and rolled your hips, grinding down hard. Your eyes were locked at the sight of Lia beneath you, her wet pussy spread open just for you while she whined and moaned. You moved up just a little and you pushed your throbbing clit against Lia's. The brunette moaned loudly and tried to close her legs because of the intense pleasure but you squeezed her throat in warning. You sped up your hips and Lia whimpered when she realised you were using her to pleasure yourself like she was your favourite toy-

"Are you okay Wally? You're breathing heavily and your cheeks are all flushed." Lia almost choked on thin air and looked up to see Kyra, curious eyes and tilted head, looking down at her. Lia swallowed down her horniness and gave the young girl the best smile she could master.

"I'm fine don't worry, just a little tired from training."

The moment Lia got to her apartment she made a bee line for her bedroom. She through her things on the floor hurriedly and got on the bed. She didn't even bother talking off all her clothes. Instead Lia shoved a hand down her pants and she groaned when her fingers were met with hot wetness. She breathed heavily as her mind swirled with yet another fantasy.

Lia's hands twitched and pulled at the restraints when you brought one of your hands to rub hard circles on her clit. Your hips were moving fast, the sounds of skin slapping skin echoing in the room. Lia teased her folds, simply running the pads of her fingers through her slik slit as she sighed softly and closed her eyes. Your dark eyes watched Lia split open on your cock, eight inches and thick, much bigger than anything the Swiss has ever taken before. Her legs kicked up at the spike of pleasure when you changed the angle slightly and you leaned down to take one of her nipples in your mouth. Lia slipped her free hand under her shirt and palmed at her breast, before twisting and pulling at the nipple. She finally dipped two fingers inside and she threw her head back with a whiny moan. Lia's head was spinning from all the stimulation and her voice was hoarse from moaning and yelling out for you. But you showed no sign of stopping until she came all over your cock. You removed your mouth from her tits and went to her neck instead while you bit and sucked marks on her pale skin. Lia was begging for you to go faster and harder and you did, using both of your hands to push her legs up and spread her open so your cock can hit her sweet spot. Lia used her palm as leverage and started grinding down on her fingers, her clit rubbing on the soft skin of her hand. Her back was arched and her mouth was open, whines and whimpers constantly escaping her throat. Lia yelped and whined at the power of your thrusts. The bedpost was hitting the wall repeatedly and the bed was creaking, the noises synchronising with her sinful moans. Her back arched of the bed and her thighs shook when she came, her pussy throbbing around your still moving cock.

Lia's hips convulsed as she came, creamy liquid drenched her hand and her bed sheets. Lia simply laid there panting for a while, trying to wrap her head around what just happened. She's never came so hard just from masturbating before which is both concerning and impressive at the same time. Lia bites her lip and her breath hitches when she removes her fingers from her dripping hole. She watches her glistening fingers and her mind starts wandering once more.

Lia squirmed in your lap and huffed when you pushed her head down on the mattress. She was about to start squirming again when your hand came down on her ass with a deafening crack. Lia chocked on a whimper and kept her head down knowing that it's better for her to just sit there and take what you give her. Your hand comes down again, this time on her other cheek and Lia hears your mocking laugh after she instinctively recoiled. She knew she couldn't complain, she broke the rules after all and Lia knows how much you hate when she touches what's yours. Your hand gives three consecutive blows on her ass and tears gather in the corners of her brown eyes. With her ass up her pussy is exposed for you to see and Lia can't hide just how wet she gets when you punish her. You won't do anything to help her though, that's what she gets for masturbating and coming without permission. You smirk and bring your hand down again.

Lia shakes her head with a tired groan when her fingers ich to move towards her pussy once more. She tries not to think about having to look you in the eyes tomorrow at training as she sits up from the bed and moves towards the bathroom.

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[j2hoes]

Hopes And Fears - Part Two. (Wally Clark x Reader.)

Summary: Y/N’s death is traumatic. So traumatic in fact, she can’t even look at Wally without reliving what happened to her.

Word Count: 3.1k

Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!

Warnings: Death

Part One.

A/N: It’s finally here!! I can’t even begin to express how sorry I am that has it has taken me over a year to get part two out. I’m sure most of you are probably over waiting for it anyway but if you do fancy giving it a read, I really appreciate it and hope it was worth the excessively long wait. I’ve tagged everybody that asked for a part two!! Once again, I am so deeply sorry! Please forgive me!!

“I would like to begin by thanking everybody that is here today and for those who have reached out to our family in this incredibly difficult time. Your thoughts and prayers have been so comforting and a reminder of the impact that our beautiful daughter had on so many people.

How would I even begin to describe Y/N? She was truly the most special girl and I am so thankful that I was able to bring her into this world, even if she did have to leave it early. The years I got to spend with her, were the best of my life and nothing will ever compare to the bond that her and I shared. She was so kind, so generous and so loving. Never declining the opportunity to spend time with her family, even if it may have been the embarrassing thing to do. I know what it’s like to be a teenager and for her to put us first consistently was just one of her many great qualities.

Y/N was an honour roll student, a successful gymnast and dancer, as well as being captain of the Split River Cheerleaders. As a child, she had so much energy, to the point where we didn’t know what to do with her. After enrolling her in dance classes for the first time, she fell in love with the sport, gymnastics and cheerleading followed and I remember being so nervous that she would injure herself. However, when she stared up at me with those gleaming eyes, I couldn’t bring it in myself to say no. These were just a few of her passions and it was evident that this was where she felt at home anytime we watched her at competitions or rehearsals. No longer the shy little girl that used to hide behind my legs before her first day of school.

Our daughter was also a keen activist and did a lot of charity work, though most of you probably wouldn’t know that. She volunteered at the animal shelter on our block every weekend, which led to her rescuing countless animals over the years. Leaving us with not only a dog but three cats, a ferret, five rabbits, countless chickens and four rats. She also ran at least one marathon a year in order to raise money for numerous charities, and often donated supplies and food to women’s shelters around the state.

Our daughter was the most selfless person I know, always putting other before herself. She taught us a lot and made us better people. For which I’ll be eternally grateful.

We wish we could’ve stopped this, and that we could’ve had more time with her. We wish we could’ve watched her grow and sent her off to college. We wish we could’ve moved her into her first apartment and seen her get married, maybe even had grandchildren.

The pain we are experiencing right now is unlike any other. To lose a child is the most gut wrenching thing, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I would give anything to hold her in my arms one last time. To be able to tell her I love her one last time.

So please, if anybody has any information as to who did this to our precious girl, all I ask is that you share this with the police department. Please help us find the person responsible and allow us some closure and for Y/N to get justice. She didn’t deserve this. Thank you.”

My mother cries as she steps away from the podium, collapsing into the arms of my father. Tears silently roll down my face as I take in the scene, the heartbreak across their faces as they hold each other. Unable to contain the grief they’re feeling.

As the principal speaks, I watch the crowd. My friends trying their best to hide their sadness, teachers hold their heads down, struggling to understand how this could’ve happened, even some students I only knew in passing look as though they could burst into tears at any moment.

It’s a difficult thing to watch, your own memorial. I suppose I never thought about how other would react to my death before, it never crosses your mind as you assume you won’t be able to witness it. God, what I would give to be that naive again.

“Hi Split River, for those of you that don’t know me, I’m Abby. Y/N was, well is my best friend. We met when we were in kindergarten and from that day forward we’ve been inseparable.

Y/N was a very shy person, I’m sure most of you would describe her as an introvert. Fortunately, I was one of the few people she let into her life, breaking down the invisible barriers she built around herself and it was the greatest pleasure of my life.

We were total opposites and enjoyed different things but that didn’t matter. For example, Y/N hated theatre, she called it glorified pantomime, but she still attended every show I was in, she still helped me practice my lines and she still encouraged me to do what I loved even if she couldn’t stand it.

We had so many things we wanted to do together, we were going to share a dorm together at Parsons, she would major in fashion design and I would do photography. We’d take over the world as a duo, running our own magazine that I could star in, of course. All those dreams of ours have been ripped to shreds now and I don’t know what to do without her. My life was intertwined with her’s and there was never a future that she wasn’t apart of. I’m completely lost without her.

I hope whoever did this rots in hell. You deserve nothing but suffering for taking such a pure soul out of this world.”

Abby’s words leave a small smile on my face despite the tears that continue to fall. In all honesty, I’m surprised her entire speech wasn’t a rage fuelled rant directed at the perpetrator.

Despite my eyes being fixed on the service taking place in the gym below, I still feel the bench dip slightly. Alerting me of someone’s presence. My eyes reluctantly drag themselves away and I realise it’s the footballer, he sits towards the other end of the bench, keeping his distance. I’m quick to notice the lack of football jersey, wearing nothing but a white tank top that defines his arms nicely and his blue school assigned gym shorts.

His hands are clutching a bouquet of flowers, an array of sunflowers, dusty orange irises, blood red snapdragons and soft peach chrysanthemums. They’re arranged beautifully, held together by a small piece of string.

“They were beautiful speeches.” He comments, soft smile gracing his features.

I nod, offering a small smile in return. The lack of football attire puts me at ease and I’m appreciative of the distance between us. Guilt consumes me slightly at my judgement towards him, but I can’t control it. After what happened, I don’t want to put myself in that situation again. I’m not taking any chances.

“This is the hard part. My mom couldn’t even finish her eulogy she was crying that much.” He tells me, eyes fixed on the girls from my cheerleading squad who are now doing their own speech. “It’s good to know you have so many people who care about you though.”

He doesn’t look over at me once he’s finished speaking and I take my time to look at him properly. Soft brown eyes compliment his dark, almost black hair. Full lips and a youthful glow, it dawns on me that he’s been stuck in this state for decades, never aging, never changing.

“I feel bad.” I state, voice barely louder than a whisper as I allow myself to make eye contact with him when he turns to face me. “They shouldn’t have to go through this.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” He goes to move towards me before stopping himself, though never taking his eyes off mine. “You can’t blame yourself, trust me I spent years doing that and no good comes of it. You’ll just end up tormenting yourself.”

Nodding as I take in his words, I let out a long sigh. Gazing down at my parents once again, I can’t help but feel the tears welling up in my eyes once again and I’m quick to wipe them away. Not wanting Wally to see me cry. They’re still clinging on to each other, though they’ve moved to sit down now, neither of them look as though they’re paying much attention to those speaking. Focused solely on comforting one another.

It’s in that moment that I notice who the next speaker is and my entire body tenses. Why is Spencer getting up to speak? He’s dressed to the nines in a black suit, hands gripping a piece of paper that has evidently been crumpled up. If my heart still worked I’m almost positive it would’ve stopped beating right this second.

Is this some sort of sick joke? Parading around in front of my grieving loved ones, knowing full well that he’s potentially evaded justice. I feel sick to my stomach and can’t bare to watch. What could he even have to say?

“Walk with me.”

Before Wally can even figure out what is happening, I’m practically sprinting out of the gym. Hurrying down the hallway in an effort to get as far away from Spencer as physically possible. It’s completely irrational, I know he can’t see me. He can’t hurt me again. Yet, I can’t even bring myself to stay in the same room as him.

“How did you die?” I ask Wally once he has caught up to me, walking beside me while making sure to keep a few feet between us. I’m in need of a distraction and as long as he’s talking, I can keep my mind off the situation that just unfolded before me.

“Oh, I um was tackled during the homecoming game of my senior year in ‘83. Snapped my neck and died on the pitch.” He tells me, one hand scratching the back of his neck as he does so, eyes unable to meet mine. “I’d already been benched but my mom pushed me to get back in the game and I just wanted to make her proud.”

Stopping in my tracks, I turn to face him properly. His face is full of guilt, and perhaps a little bit of shame. Afraid that he didn’t do his best, that he didn’t make his mom proud.

“She still comes to every game. I mean they named the stadium after me so it’s nice that I get to see her once a year. I’m lucky in that sense.”

He’s rambling, trying to fill the silence with anything he can. It’s something I often found myself down when I was still alive. Wanting to aid the embarrassment and nervousness I often felt.

“Wally. Your mom will always be proud of you. A mom’s pride for her child is unconditional.” I speak confidently, allowing him to feel reassured, something I can sense he needs right now.

“You’re right. I just wish things ended differently, like if I’d won the game, all those years of training wouldn’t have gone to waste you know?”

The sadness in his voice is prevalent and I can tell he struggles with it even after all these years. He’s still not making eye contact with me and I feel that pang of guilt once again, for assuming he would be like all the other stupid footballers I know. He has a good heart, I see that now.

“You heard my mom’s speech right? If we’re gonna play that game then all those years of dance training were for nothing.” I joke, hoping it’ll ease his sullen mood slightly. “I danced because it was fun, besides, if all of those years were for nothing, would I still be able to do this?”

For the first time since we left the gym, Wally actually looks at me. Raising my arms, I judge the distance behind me before throwing myself into a back handspring. The boy laughs quietly, causing me to smile as he brings his hands together in a round of applause, muffled slightly due to the flowers he’s still holding. Bowing obnoxiously, I can’t help but allow myself to enjoy the moment. It’s the first bit of happiness I’ve felt this entire time and I intend to savour it.

“Wow. Yeah, you would not catch me doing that.” He comments, matching my pace as we continue to walk again. “Thank you, by the way.”

My eyebrows furrow in confusion, not entirely sure where his thanks are coming from. Staying silent as we sit opposite one another in the communal gardens towards the back of the school. It’s quiet, not many students know it’s here, and the ones that do have no interest in being back here. They’d much rather be on the quad where they actually get phone service.

“For cheering me up, I mean. The others can sometimes get a bit annoyed when I bring up what happened. They think I should’ve got over it by now with it being almost forty odd years ago.” He states, the sunlight reflecting on him at just the right angle, it makes him look angelic. Beautiful really.

“Can anybody get over their death?”

“Rhonda seems to think so, but I reckon she just doesn’t like talking about what happened to her.” He replies, a fondness in his eyes as he talks about her, almost as if he’s remembering a past conversation.

Leaning back to take in the sun, I close my eyes, absorbing the light that hits my face. Being dead is strange to say the least, I thought I wouldn’t feel anything. No emotions, no sensations, nothing. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Since death, I’ve mostly felt sadness and anger, but spending this short amount of time with Wally has made me aware of the happiness i’m able to feel as well. Not to mention the warmth of the sun on my skin, I can pretend I’m alive. Even if it is just for a second.

“These are for you by the way.” Wally’s voice bring me back to reality and I realise he’s holding the bouquet of flowers out to me. He’s sat a good distance away and so I have to lean forward to take them from his grasp. Fingers brushing as I do so and I’m quick to pull away, despite the warmth that rushed through my hand upon the momentary interaction. “I was going to give them to you earlier, but then it didn’t seem right because we were watching the eulogies and all. I didn’t wanna make it weird or awkward for you or anything. I also didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked so I just picked a bunch from the flower gardens, Charlie helped me arrange them, I hope they’re okay because my first attempt wasn’t the best. Apparently the colours didn’t match or something-“

“Wally they’re gorgeous.” I interrupt, unable to hide the grin that is beginning to spread across my face as I bring them to my nose to inhale the scent. “Snapdragons are my favourite.”

“Oh thank god. I was really worried you would hate them, or that maybe you weren’t a flower person.” He blurts out, following a quick sigh of relief. “Not that it’s a big deal or anything. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I mean no harm, and sort of welcome you the afterlife I guess.”

I must admit the nervous rambling is cute, I can feel the redness flushing my cheeks as I hide myself behind the flowers. Taking my time to admire the bouquet as much as I can. It’s a beautiful gesture, and I’m in disbelief that he spent the time to do this for me. A peace offering despite him doing nothing wrong.

“You’re sweet Wally.” I admit, delicately stroking the petals on a couple of the flowers. “I’m really sorry about before. You just remind me of someone.”

“A footballer ex perhaps?” He questions, unable to get Rhonda’s previous comment out of his head. Whether it be down to jealousy or curiosity he’s unsure.

“No, no ex.” I shake my head adamantly, eyes glued to the flowers as I try to come up with the words to describe why I acted the way I did. It’s still too soon for me to talk about, I know that. However, I also know that Wally does deserve some sort of explanation. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it just yet, but if I have another moment like before I promise it’s not your fault.”

Wally nods, understanding and accepting my boundaries. We stay sat in silence for a moment longer, he doesn’t push me to talk, nor does he change the subject. Instead, we just embrace the peace we’ve created in the garden. It’s the most relaxed I’ve felt for a while and I’m able to sit with my own thoughts without sending myself into a spiral or a panic. It’s nice.

The minutes pass as we listen to the gentle sounds of birds chirping and the occasional rustle of the trees in the wind. It feels as though we’re stuck in time, but I feel content. I wouldn’t mind being stuck right here, right now. At least, if it wasn’t for Charlie.

“Y/N, your memorial’s ending, just thought you’d want to see your parents again before they leave!”

Wally and I both look towards the boy who stands awkwardly in the doorway. He sounds out of breath and I imagine he’s been sprinting around the school in search of me.

My hands grip the flowers tighter, veins popping and knuckles flexed as I squeeze tightly. Wally’s the first to stand and when I finally look up at him, he offers me an encouraging nod. A reminder that I am strong enough to do this. To say my goodbyes.

While I walk besides the tall jock, with Charlie taking lead in front, I do feel strong. Wally’s supportive and comforting nature radiates through the hallway and I feel confident. Although, I know this is the last time I could potentially see my parents, there’s no sadness, just a readiness to take on this new stage of my life and it fills me with a sense of acceptance. Accepting death was difficult but finally, I feel ready to take on whatever comes next.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[itstheghostofmypast]

☆22.59☆

(College AU) Choi San x (f)Reader

Summary: Of course, they loved each other. He was obsessed with her. She, with him to some extent, but to recognise each other outside the four walls of their comfort was a 'no-no'. Perhaps because as much as they loved each other, who knew being academic rivals would be so problematic.

Genre: Hurt + Comfort

Rating: nc-17

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.9K

Est. Read Time: 13 min

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Banner: @cafekitsune

Epilogue: His Little Cowboy

"I'm so glad we're done with exams." He sighed, sitting down and rolling his shoudlers, before rubbing his neck and eying the food, then deciding to order another round.

"Mhmm... I was so glad to close all the tabs today. My laptop practically thanked me." Smiling, she leaned forward on her elbows, "Is this why we're having an expensive meal?"

Her words held no real malice, but an air of unease, she never liked how he'd casually spend like this, especially on her, she had done nothing to deserve this, and the constant reminder of how he'd always pay whenever it was pricey would nip at her self pride.

He paused to look at her before pouting, "No, I just wanted to treat my girl." Mumbling he moved the tray towards her, gesturing for her to start first, trying to ignore her lingering gaze, the eerie nostalgia setting in, he knew what she'd get like during exam season, extremely cynical and skeptical, to be honest he was no different- but they were finally free and perhaps he just wanted to enjoy a nice meal with her, no hidden intentions or ulterior motives, nothing to think about but each other.

"Then let's go dutch-"

"Not a chance." His abrupt words cut her off, for a split second his tone reverted back to the one she was used to, the tone he'd use back in the day, to snub her or out do her while answering, this tone was often accompanied by a scoff, the only gesture that would mildly indicate that this was but a fun little game, though she knew when the tone was all that would surface, he'd be serious, in no mood for negotiation. Fortunately,  he had barely ever used it with her, often in times of forcing her to do something good for herself, like to rest or to eat, but she'd seen him use the same tone with a few people, who were once her friends, he didn't know she was there, standing behind the wall, listening to him call out her so called friends, people who'd just use her for her work, leeching off her academics, knowing she'd be too tired to even argue or say no, or even too guilty when one of them would bring up how smart she was and that made her arrogant- she heard him that day, the crisp morning air wasn't as cold as his words,

"Your incompetence is a curse you should bear on your own. Don't drag others down in that pitiful hole of yours, especially her."

That day she had lost an entire circle of friends, at a point she wondered if it was even worth it, wondered why he even said that when a class ago he had called her 'a silly little girl' for arguing about what a Freudian slip was when she was clearly wrong, now here he was defending her honour? On the same day he had come to her, sitting next to her in the library and slipping her a coupon, initially she had thought he was insulting her- a typical bourgeoisie move, only to realise it was a coupon for a couple's meal, noticing him side eying her to read her expressions. She had turned to him, pointing at the coupon, herself and then him, and as wordlessly as she had spoken, he too nodded, pointing at himself, her and then the coupon. Something had begun to blossom between the two that day, a relationship both were too afraid to talk about, perhaps because of their on going rivalry since the beginning of their academic year, or the way they'd ignore each other until one would bother the other, or perhaps the fear of being questioned by the lingering gazes around the hallways,  the whispers the wind carried around the campus- wanting not to be part of the gust of wind, choosing to keep whatever this was hidden, a secret shared by just the two.

"I mean...I'd prefer you don't, I wanted to treat you," his argument coming out softer, as he nodded to the waiter who had entered the private section after knocking, to place another tray in front of them, "Just us and a nice meal...I haven't spent enough time with you....that's why." Clearing his throat , he avoided the way she studied him, eyes scanning each feature, every gesture, every breath he'd take, to be able to study his next more, to prepare herself. Truth be told he hated it when she'd do that, this was the first thing that irked him about her, and although he had always been gentle natured, this trait of hers would always have his ulterior ego surface, ready to claw her. It took him some time to realise that was just the face she'd make while thinking, not only at him but everyone, including her exam sheet. That did not mean that being together made it any easy for him, in fact, now he'd feel small when she'd look at him like that, he'd feel as if his sincerity was being questioned, it made him dislike himself, was he not clear enough? Was the choice of words not point to point? Maybe his tone was ooff-

"Oh...well you're right, I guess I am to blame for that, I kind of mentally blocked you out." Mumbling sheepishly she reached across the table to hold his hand, her the tips of her fingers caressing the back of his hand, noting how he visibly relaxed, "In my defense there's this annoying guy in class who thinks he's so smart-"

"Thinks?" With a scoff he laced their fingers together, leaning closer to the table to eye her, his frown morphing into his signature dimpled smile at the sound of her laughter, before he continued, adding onto the playful banter, "Last time I checked this guy beat you in the Moral Philosophy 101 quiz and assignment."

Shrugging in response she grabbed the chopsticks with her free hand, "Beginners luck. Also consequentialism sucks, you're just a utilitarian at heart, that's why you got lucky." With that verdict she began eating, earning a cackle in return, the atmosphere around them calming down once more, allowing her to relax, much to his pleasure. He had begged her to go out with him last week too, claiming that they were left with just one exam so they could relax a bit, though she had threatened to block him if he kept pestering her, which is why he had stopped spam texting her.

However, finally tonight, now that they were free he had earned the right to become her Sannie again, to roll around on her bed, messing with the sheets while she would be scrolling on her phone trying to ignore how his antics were toppling off her plushies to the floor. He'd be able to whine and complain when she'd wake him up early because the 'cafeteria is serving Yaki Udon',

"Go, they let you sneak some to your dorm, sneak some here"

"It's...6 am...let's just eat something else."

"If I had the rich boy privellage,  I'd go myself, but alas-"

"Are you really guilt tripping me for being rich?"

"No, my sweet nepo-baby I'm stating a mere fact."

"A nepo-baby would be a business major like his father, not a communication major-"

"And that's why you're my favourite boy, Sannie."

That day he got her four bowls of udon, even sneaking in the dessert Wooyoung had gotten for himself, and when asked he told Wooyoung he had eaten it, never mentioning her.

That was another issue, he had to keep his relationship a secret from his friends too, initially it was fun, the thrill and excitement would have him shivering with glee, but recently, after most of his friends now had a significant other whom they would publicly walk around with or show affection to, he had begun to wonder if she'd ever want that with him. Or were they just college sweethearts, soon to be forgotten, a bitter sweet memory plastered at the back of their minds, one to return to when times would get rough.

"What's wrong?"

Her question cutting off his thought process only for him to realise how he had just been staring at his food, while she was half way done. Clearing his throat he gave her a gentle smile, shaking his head before reaching for the soda, pouring both of them a glass. Maybe some other time, he'd ask her some other time, right now he could see how she was enjoying herself, he could see how comfortable she was with him, he had no real intentions of ruining the moment.

"Are you sure? You're making the same face you did, when you had to present last semester." Just like that he had lost all the love he had for her, no, he was dating a monster, a demon in the skin of an angel, the human embodiment of Godzilla. Eyes narrowing at her direction he scoffed, leaning back to take off his jacket, before responding with a taunt, "Says the person who forgot the meaning of utility while presenting".

With a gasp she placed her hand on her heart,  staring at him in faux shock, "You fiend, that's because I'm a Kant girlie at heart."

"So...you don't think the ends justify the means?" He asked cautiously, though not of her feelings, but of the risk of his own fragile heart, too afraid to let it slip out of her grasp and shatter.

"The ends, never justify the means, Sannie."  She smiled, staring at him only for it to drop when she noticed him frown at his plate, slowly nodding as he looked up at her, "Yeah...I guess..."

"What's...wrong, something has been bothering you since we came here." She sighed pushing her plate aside, watching him take out his buzzing phone, choosing to stare at the phone rather than him.

"Nothing."

His blunt response nipping at her insecurities, what did she do? Should she not have said that? Did she offend him? Was he going to leave her now? They were in their final year anyway, the time spent together was supposed to come to an end and as much as she wanted to cling onto the false hope of him somehow spending the rest of his life together with her, she knew that was but a wish, reality was far too bitter, far too grim, leaving the two to wonder when they'd become a distant memory.

"Okay."

There it was, his eyes flickered up to scan her face, that defeated look she'd hold when she'd give up, why would she never fight for him? Why didn't she pester him to finish his statement, why didn't she cling onto him, pulling him closer even though he knew he'd run to her at any given moment, he was only waiting for the signal, waiting for her to say the word. Maybe Wooyoung was right, this was just a fun arrangement for the two, a temporary one, which is why Hongjoong had asked him to confront her, but he didn't want to, yet, here he was by choosing to not confront her he had somehow made it worse.

Visibly flinching under his glare she averted her gaze, clearing her throat, playing with her fingers as she stared at her lap aimlessly, so what now?

"What about us?" His words a gentle whisper as he put his phone on the table beside his plate, hunching forward to get a better look at her face, "Does our end justify our means?"

Her head snapped up in his direction, the burning sensation of the flood of tears at the brink of falling, she could feel the fat droplets clinging to her lower lashes, chewing on her lower lip as she tried to compose herself, "Which end...Sannie, the one where we say goodbye?"

His frown only deepened at her question, taking in her shaking form, pinching himself as he tried ro remain rooted to his spot. Seonghwa had told him to listen to her, to comfort and console her because women need time to process and cope, especially someone like her, but then Hongjoong's persistent 'What if she really is with you for the ride',  kept bothering him, what if he were right, but at the back of his mind, this little voice was yelling at him, telling him how that was not true, how he'd seen her take care of him, how he'd felt her love for him; from when she'd slip in her extra notes in his bag for him to study to when she'd slip in a few packets of mint oreo in his bag as a treat. He knew they were more than just a fling, or at least he would like to believe that.

"Do you ... want us to?" His words as soft as the first time he had confessed to her, making her feel even more nauseous than before, though with a gulp she held it back before shaking her head and mumbling a, "No...do you?"

Shaking his head, much like her he sighed before staring aimlessly at her, "Then...why won't you fight for me?" This was less of a question, but more of a whine, a plea, one that had her finally snap.

Her sniff having him focus on her, watching her bring up her hands to cover her face, as she hunched over, making sure he couldn't see her cry, a trait that bothered him, he'd barely ever see her breakdown, even during the stressful exam season, she'd lock herself in the washroom and let it out, while he'd either wait outside the washroom (if he was lucky enough for her to let him into her dormroom) or like most exam seasons he'd be at his own dorm, trying to call her or text her.

"Why can't our end be happy?" He mumbled, finally choosing to get up and  walk around the table and to her, glad he had reserved a closed off private section. Sighing he reached for her, gently gripping her wrists as he pulled her hands off her face, ignoring her whines and protest, "Tell me, why do you think we can't have a happy end?" Pulling her up to wrap his arms around her, letting her fist his shirt, soaking it with her tears, sobbing out a, "Because our means of doing so aren't good."

Pulling her back he stared at her, gripping her shoulders, "What do you mean? Do you not want to keep it a secret anymore?"

"I never wanted to keep it a secret, at least I dont want to anymore." She mumbled trying to hide in his embrace once more but he pulled her back again, much to her disappointment as he tried to read her, "I just thought...your image and...I...maybe you didn't want to tell anyone."

By now he had sat her back down leaning against the table as he looked at her, holding onto her hand, his thumbs caressing the back of her hand, listening to her, raising his eyebrows, "No..." he sighed before gently smiling at her, "I've been dropping hints for a while now. My last hint was what led the guys to pick up on the fact that we are together."

So his friends knew?

"Do they think I'm weird?" She whispered, trying to pull away her hand but he held onto her tighter, shaking his head and letting out a laugh, "If anything they thought I tricked you into dating me...Wooyoung didn't even believe me until he saw our pictures." He smiled at her, the memory of his friends accusing him for lying, making it even funnier, "Yeosang said he could tell you're into dumb guys."

"Well, you are dumb. There's no doubt about that." She mumbled, standing up and moving closer, so she was standing between his legs. Cupping his face, she smiled when he glared at her. The eerie sensation that was once slithering in her veins long gone, "I don't remember a single hint, though."

"How?" He whined, pouting at her, leaning into her touch, closing his eyes as he basked in the attention,  the same attention he knew he would recieve publically from now on, there would be nothing holding them back, not her toxic friends, those who stared or whispered, in fact his friends would just support them, perhaps she needed such a support system too, would be good for her, "Yesterday after the exam I called you out, I said see you tomorrow babe."

"Thought that was a Freudian slip."

"Oh, so now you know what a Freudian slip is?" His eyes snapped open, brows furrowing at her smug expression, hissing when she squeezed his cheeks together, only to pull back when he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight until she was wheezing out apologies. Giving him a proper hug once he eased down on her, she sighed, pressing her forehead against his,"I really do like you, Sannie."

"I like you too." He smiled, feeling her brush her lips against his, whispering against her lips, only his next statement had him feeling her stiffen and possibly struggle against him but he held her tight, not wanting to be smacked, "They updated the marksheet, I scored higher than you in Moral Philosophy....again...sorry babe." Followed by his boisterous laughter and her whining to let him go, greatly ruining the moment.

A/N: I had to get this out of my system okay- my exams just finished. The next update ya'll will see will be of Meow Chapter 4

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @marsvillee @spooo00oky @the-kpop-simp @mlysalt

[overtrred28]

Something out of a rom com | Steph Catley x reader

Summary; The night of Steph’s 30th birthday party leads to the telling of your romantic love story that really should be made into a rom com. 

Words; 2.5k

Pairing; Steph Catley x reader

Warnings; none really, pure fluff

A/N; This is in honour of her birthday and I wrote it because I had the idea during a shower and I just had to write it. It might not be the best but hopefully it's cute and decently written. I’ve also got two blurbs for other players in the process atm so stay tuned for that!

The 26th of January. A seemingly normal day to most people, but it was in fact one of your favourites. It not only marks the day you met the love of your life and future wife, but it coincidentally happened to be her birthday as well. It also happened to be today's date once again. 

So here you sat in your shared living room, Steph snuggled up to you on the couch surrounded by some of the people who loved her the most after a very successful 30th birthday party. 

A lot of other party goers had left as it was getting late, except for almost half of her Arsenal teammates who always seemed to linger after events such as these, not that you minded. 

Different conversations littered the room, most didn’t make sense because of the alcohol that was still flowing. But it was the newest team member Emily Fox who brought the group back together. 

“So, how long have you guys been together?” Emily asked, sitting directly across the room from you and Steph. 

“Almost 3 years now.” Steph smiled at her and the rest of the group listened in. 

“Oh my god, their relationship story is like something out of a rom com!” Jen talked excitingly whilst looking at Emily. 

“What do you mean?” You looked at Jen first and then down to Steph who looked just as confused. 

“Wait, I’ve never heard the full story.” Kyra piped up from her place on the floor beside Alessia. 

“Me either.” Alessia raised a finger while looking between you and Steph.

“It’s not that exciting.” Steph let out a laugh which caused Kyra and Alessia to pout. 

“Yes it is. Now listen up children…” Beth cleared her throat from the other edge of the couch next to Viv who was rolling her eyes as Beth began to tell your love story. 

6 years ago, January 26th 2018

“Oh come on, just let us go out one last time before you leave me forever!” Your best friend was standing in your room as you laid on your bed and stared up at her. 

“Do I have to?” You tried giving her puppy eyes but it wasn’t working, she walked closer to your bed, sitting down and taking your hands in hers.

“You, my best friend of 10 plus years, are leaving me for London for who knows how long.” She pouted at you. “Of course you have to go out with me one last time. So get up, look hot and start drinking.” She pulled your covers off you and dragged you to your vanity, placing a drink in front of you and leaving to go get ready herself. 

Over an hour later you were both ready and a little tipsy, ready to leave and adventure into the Melbourne nightlife. 

It took a while for you to find a club that was half decent and didn’t have ridiculously overpriced drinks but you secured a place in the corner and were finishing your like 10th drink of the night. 

“I’m going to get another, you want one?” You shouted over the music to your friend and pointed to the bar. She shook her head before talking into your ear.

“I’m gonna go on the dance floor, come find me when you're done?” She pointed to where most people congregated and you sent her a thumbs up before weaving through way too many drunk people. 

You accidently bumped into someone as you tried to reach the bar, someone else pushing you in the crowd causing you to fall into her. 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You apologised as she began to turn around and you suddenly found yourself staring at the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen. 

“Don’t even, it’s so fine.” She replied with a sweet smile and placed a hand on your arm sending chills up it. 

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s your birthday?” You laughed as your eyes drifted down the sash she was currently wearing. 

“My friends made me wear it, hoping I could score us a few free drinks.” She shook her head and laughed with you. 

“Well, let’s not disappoint and let me buy you a drink.” You smiled at her and if it weren't for the dark lighting, you would have seen the blush that accompanied her beautiful smile. 

“You don’t have to.” She immediately rejected but this time you reached down and held her arm. 

“I insist, birthday girl.” You winked before leading her through the crowd again and finally reaching the bar. “Order whatever you want.” You leant down to her ear as you waited for a bartender. 

She politely asked the bartender for her drink of choice before he looked over to you.

“Make it two, please.” You smiled before pulling your card out to pay. You both thanked the bartender before walking away and standing against a wall out of the way. 

“Thank you.” She looked up at you with a smile again. 

“My pleasure.” You couldn't stop staring at her, she was the most beautiful person ever and she was talking to you. “Wanna go dance? I told my friend I would meet her when I was done.” You asked after finishing your drinks in silence.

“I would love to, but…” She looked down at her watch and you could feel the smile falling off your face. “I’ve got an early morning and my cut off was supposed to be 12.” She made a pout at you.

“That’s okay, I get it.” You nodded and sent her a tight lipped smile.

“There is something I have to do before I go though.” She sent you a smirk and you creased your eyebrows in confusion. 

“What?” You looked down at her, barely having any time to think before she reached up and kissed you hard, placing a hand on your face. Immediately your hand fell to her waist and you fell into a rhythm.

The kiss was very nice and a little long but it ended and you parted with big smiles. 

“I really have to go now.” She smiled and let out a little laugh. 

“Okay cinderella.” You bit your lip before letting her go and she ran off through the crowd to find her friends. You stood in a daze for a second before a hand clasped your shoulder, shaking you out of your trance.

“Oh my god, who was that?” Your best friend had spotted the end of the kiss as she came to find you but didn’t see her face. 

“Um,” You blinked before turning to her. “I… don’t… know.” You realised she never shared her name and neither did you. And now she was gone; a mystery kiss from the mystery birthday girl. 

3 years later, May 19th 2021

You have been in London for 3 years now, working for an event planning company, establishing a close group of friends and having the time of your life. 

Some of the friends you made had managed to drag you along to a women's football match now that people were allowed back to the matches after the covid lockdown last year, despite your lack of interest in or awareness of the sport, either male or female.

So here you were at Meadow Park on a Wednesday evening, watching a sport you’ve never taken interest in but were enjoying to some degree in the fading spring sun.

“I told you. I knew you would enjoy it eventually.” Your friend shoved your shoulder after seeing you get up when it was thought a shot might finally go in for the home side and her team of choice, Arsenal. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You brushed her off, eyes focused on the game at play and becoming more and more invested with each pass. 

It wasn’t till halfway through the second half that a certain defender caught your eye as she ran past and towards the opposite end of the field. There was something about her that seemed so familiar but you couldn’t place it. 

The game ended in a 0-0 draw and left you with a new interest that would soon turn into a regular outing on Sundays and Wednesdays, instead of your regular dinner and drinks throughout the week. 

The players began to do their rounds and you stuck around, waiting to spot a certain defender once again and figure out the mystery that was the jersey with ‘Catley’ plastered over her back.

She had been talking with another player as they walked, eyes scanning the crowd for any fans with signs or hopeful smiles when she found your eyes further up, you resting along the barrier. The words fell from her lips and the player beside her was tapping her shoulder in an attempt to gain her focus once again but it was no use. 

“One sec.” She gently spoke before running over to where you were standing, now looking down at your phone and missing her completely until a familiar accent fell on your ears. 

“Hi.” She gave you a smile and your head whipped up from your screen, finding that beautiful face from all those years ago in your sights again. 

“Hi.” You breathed out as you assessed her features and reassured yourself you weren’t once again imagining those eyes that plagued your dreams every few months. 

“Fancy seeing you here, halfway across the world.” She spoke again, noticing that you were in a sort of daze still. 

“Uh yeah. Sorry, this is just so weird.” You shook your head, letting out a laugh. “Not in a bad way,” You spoke quickly. “I just never thought I would see you again. Especially not halfway across the world.” She smiled at your shyness, the opposite to the confident you she remembers; though you are quite confident with alcohol in your system. 

“Yeah.” Steph laughed and continued to analyse your features, every part of that night coming back to her in full view rather than scattered pieces of memory like she has for the last three years. 

“So,” You tried to keep the conversation flowing, realising you would have to wrap up soon so she could get back to her team and you to your friends. “Do you think I could finally get the name and number that's not on the back of your shirt? I think that’s something you forgot all those years ago.” You smiled at her and began pulling your phone from its place in your pocket. 

She let out a laugh, a real one before nodding. “Oh yeah. I guess so.” She held your phone in her hands and began adding a contact in, handing it back quickly. “There you go.”

“Thank you.” You took a look at your phone before returning eye contact with her, feeling once again that same thing inside your chest from the night you first met. “I’ll call you, Steph.” You nodded, beginning to retreat from the barrier and up the stairs. 

“And who should I be expecting said call from?” She called out to you, stopping you in your tracks to turn your head back around. 

“Y/N.” You smiled before being the one walking away this time and leaving her with a dazed expression and confused friends. 

“Who was that?” Beth appeared beside her, looking at the retreating girl Steph had just interacted with but couldn’t see the face. 

“Um,” Steph shook her head. “An…old…friend.” She turned her face to Beth who was more confused than ever but began walking towards the changerooms with the rest of the team. 

Over the next few weeks it seemed like you and Steph were texting every spare second you each had when she wasn’t training and you weren't working, even before you could finally arrange a time to meet up and have your official first date. 

She suggested you go out for dinner one night before she was set to go off and play in the delayed 2020 Tokyo Olympics over the summer. You had the best time together, chatting for hours and catching up on everything over the past few years, talking as if you had known each other forever. The night ended and she walked you back to your apartment which happened to be just down the street from hers, once again leaving you with a kiss that left you feeling dazed; but this time she couldn’t run and hide from you. 

After watching and cheering on Steph and the national team at the Olympics from home, you knew that this was the person you wanted to pursue a future with. 

So when she came back you made it official with one another, a private time for the two of you to continue to learn everything about one another until you were ready to share it with your friends and the world. 

After a few months of secretly dating, realising this is how the rest of your life was going to look like, you began to share with friends, family and eventually the media which caused a flurry in the football world because of Steph’s public status. It turned out to be even better for your relationship now that you could express your love for one another to other people. 

“And then last year, Steph decided to pop the question the day before Y/N wanted to do it.” Beth concluded the story, somehow managing to keep everyone invested despite the late hour and disappearing energy from tonight's events. 

“Thank you Beth, that was quite an accurate retelling.” You smiled over at the blonde, reaching out for a high whilst trying not to disturb Steph who had actually fallen asleep. “But I think you bored Stephy here to sleep.” You brushed the hair on her head and her eyes snapped open with a sharp inhale. 

“Huh?” Steph began to sit up, looking around the room in confusion, all of her teammates letting out small giggles, you simply looking down at her with admiration. 

“I think you’re too old now for all this partying darling.” You laughed at her watching her face form into a scowl. 

“I am 3 months older than you!” She pointed a finger at you, now pouting while looking up into your eyes. 

“Well this looks like fun, we’ll leave you two to it then.” Lia spoke for the group as they all began standing from their places, yourself and Steph rising from the couch too so you could say goodbye at the door. 

“Bye!” You both waved at the last people before you closed the door, Stephs arms securely wrapped around your waist, head against your chest. 

“Let’s get you to bed, cinderella.” You laughed, picking her up by her thighs and carrying her like a koala to your bedroom. 

“Thank you, my princess charming.” Steph mumbled into your neck, placing a soft kiss there while you let out a small laugh. Maybe this was like something out of a rom com.

THE END

[woso-fan91]

Christmas Miracle

Ona Batlle x reader

Ona and R are dating long distance and decided to celebrate Christmas with their respective familys but a strike of fate may alter those plans.

It‘s my first English fic and English is not my first language so please be nice.

Ona and Y/n met while Ona was playing for United and Y/n was on a vacation in Manchester. The Spaniard was smitten from the start and during Y/n‘s time in England they grew closer and fell in love.

They called each other everyday and texted whenever they had time and it became slightly harder when Ona returned to Barcelona and Y/n stayed in Germany where she lived. But their love for eachother was strong and now they were dating for two years. Y/n tried to tell her family and friends, that she was dating the Spanish footballer but they didn’t believe her, so she didn’t exactly bother to correct them anymore. Because of Onas hectic scedule and Y/n work, they decided that they had to celebrate Christmas apart again but Y/n was still very much smitten with the defender and vice versa.

Novembre 2023

After the dominant victory over Sevilla Ona and her teammates were in a bar for a couple of celebratory drinks when Salma nudged her gently: „Chica, your phone is going crazy.“ Surprised Ona took out her phone and the caller ID showed Y/n and herself smiling happily in the camera. Quickly she excused herself from the girls and answered the phone with a bright smile: „Hola hermosa.“

„Hola bebe“ came Y/n‘s voice from the other end and right away Ona felt something was very wrong: „What‘s the matter cariño?“ She heard shuffling from the other end and y/n‘s broken voice: „My dad…he‘s dead. He… he‘s gone Onita.“ Ona‘s heart broke hearing her girlfriend so sad and she decided to step outside: „Oh cariño, I‘m so sorry. I‘m checking the next flights to you, okay?“ „No!“ came Y/n‘s reply almost instantly: „You don‘t have to come Ona. You have important matches coming up and I couldn‘t ask for you to give them up for me…“ Ona looked surprised to the busteling street of Barcelona: „You don’t want me to come?“ Y/n sighed „Of course I want you here Ona, but those are important games and my dad loved watching you play so you would honour him by playing for him. Can you do that bebita? I just wanted to hear your voice and wanted to tell you that I love you.“ „I love you too cariño, very much so and I will play every game for him, I promise. What about Christmas though? Want me to come then?“ answered Ona playing with the promise ring y/n gave her the last time they saw each other face to face. Y/n sighed „You were so happy to celebrate your first Christmas back in Spain with your family bebe. I do not want to stand in the way of that. Your family is thrilled to have you back. Celebrate with them and we‘ll see each other in January like we planned. I would only destroy your mood because I know I will not celebrate Christmas this year.“ With a heavy heart Ona accepted Y/n‘s answer for now vowing to plan a trip to her girl, even if it will only be a day.

Christmas eve

Y/n, her mom and her brother with his wife were having dinner and Y/n was very much done with the day and this dinner. Ona was radio silent the whole day and Y/n missed her girlfriend very much. Her sister in law looked over: „What‘s gotten you so mopey?“ Y/n shrugged her shoulders and toyed with her drink lying smoothly: „Just tired and a migraine coming up.“ She looked symphatic when suddenly the doorbell rang. Surprised Y/n looked over to her mom: „Erwartest du noch wen Mama?“ („Were you expecting someone mom?“) She shook her head no and yYn opened the door only to let out a surprised squeal when she saw her girlfriend infront of her: „Bebe!“ Ona smiled shyly bundled up in a thick jacket which Y/n recognized as her own: „Hola mi vida.“ Y/n barreled in her girlfriends arms and buried her face in the defenders neck. With a content hum Ona wrapped her strong arms around her girlfriend and pressed a gentle kiss to Y/n‘s temple „Merry Christmas cariño.“

Y/n‘s family came to check on the commotion and found Y/n in the arms of a brunette girl who held her in her arms and kissed her lovingly. Clearing his throat Y/n’s brother asked: „Who‘s that Y/n?“ Y/n was put back down to earth by Ona but she wrapped her arm protectivly around Y/n‘s waist as she answered happily: „I‘m Ona. Y/n‘s girlfriend of two years.“ Curling closer against Ona Y/n smirked: „The girlfriend you guys didn’t believe that existed.“ Her brother and sister in law looked gobsmacked while her mom looked happy: „That’s why you told Dad and me not to worry about you.“ Y/n nodded and pulled Ona over: „Mom, Ona. Ona, my mom.“ Ona handed Y/n‘s mother the flowers she bought: It‘s a pleasure to finally meet you Misses y/l/n.“ She took them with a kind smile: „It‘s nice to meet you too Ona and please call me y/m/n.“ Ona smiled: „Very kind of you. And I‘m so sorry for your loss.“ „Thank you. Please come in. Do you want anything to drink or are you hungry?“ Ona smiled „A little bit. I only had a quick breakfast before jumping on the plane here.“ Y/n turned in Ona‘s arms and kissed her lovingly: „Thank you for coming. I love you.“ Ona kissey y/n back just as lovingly: „There is nowhere else I‘d rather be cariño. Mami and Papi send their regards and want to see you when you‘re in Spain.“ Happily Y/n nodded and made a plate for Ona to eat while the rest sat back down.

Placing the plate infront of the defender Y/n went to sit next to Ona but she pulled Y/n on her lap where she happily cuddled closer to Ona and stayed for the rest of the evening.

The next day Y/n, Ona and Y/m/n entered the cementary walking to the grave of Y/n‘s dad.

Ona held Y/n‘s hand and held a single rose in the other. She carefully placed said rose on the gravestone and began talking: „Hello Mister Y/l/n. I‘m Ona Batlle and I‘m your daughters girlfriend. I apologize that I wasn’t able to attend your funeral to pay my respect then but your daughter was pretty adement that I play the Champions League game and asked me to play those games in your honour which I do by the way. I hope I‘m able to make you proud. You have raised an exceptional daughter which I love with my whole heart and I intend to marry your daughter one day. I hope that I will have your blessing for that. I promise I‘ll treat her like a princess and love her for infinity.“ Just as Ona finished talking to the grave the sun broke through the clouds and the single sunbeam hit her straight in the face which made the Spaniard smile: „Gracias Mister Y/l/n I won‘t disappoint you. Merry Christmas.“ Turning around to face her girlfriend who had tears glistening in her eyes: „Merry Christmas cariño. I know you didn’t want to celebrate but I knew you needed me here. It was a gut geeling“ Y/n nodded smiling slightly: „Si bebe, I needed you. Merry Christmas.“ As they shared a sweet kiss infront of the grave, the sun shone warmly at the couple and Y/n smiled at the sky: „Merry Christmas Dad. Thank you for my Christmas Miracle. I love you.“

[camilaxmartin]

Hi dear!!

omg thank you for being like so supportive of my velvette stuff and my account truly honoured to be your mutual!

okay so I was winding if you could like do like a short fic or whatever of are mommy mother Rosie (she’s so mommy it’s not funny) could it be where we like get jelly of the relationship that Rosie and Alastor have and we start huffing at her whenever Alastor is around and just having an attitude towards her in general (she seems like the woman to adore bratty attitude but also like proper pretty girl attitude too, could you also use the nickname sweetie or doll! Oh! And also like a thicker reader I’m a thick girl myself! Sorry for so many requests in one!)

( if your not taking requests just ignore little ol’ me! :3 )

have a good night/day darling!<3

getting on your nerves

navigation // rules // masterlist

summary: rosie taking an interest in our jealous behaviour

warnings: gets suggestive at the end!

notes: GIRL i’m the one honoured to be your mutual like?? your works??? anyway, hope you like it!! (i know i’ve gotten to it LATE AF but my motivation is… funky) i’m not proud of this one but gonna post it anyway as i already wrote it- it turned out totally different than i wanted but meh wtv

requests: closed!!

alastor came into the flower shop and softly walked over to the counter ringing the small bell on top of it waiting with a smile. it was surprisingly a slow day at the cannibal town. no one was wandering around the store and everything seemed so… peaceful.

well, until rosie came out of the back and greeted him with a wide smile.

“alastor!” she exclaimed and walked over to him giving him a tight hug. “oh how i’ve missed you” she said holding his hand and looking around for a place to sit down.

“i know, it’s been a while” alastor chuckled and looked down at the hand she was still holding not making any move in a way to shake her off. rosie smiled, being used to him letting her be affectionate as she finally picked out her favourite table and leaded both of them to it.

“so” she started, letting go of his hand, sitting down and expecting alastor to do the same. “what brings your twisted being, here today?” she asked and turned her head, looking for her teapot.

alastor chuckled and sat down in the chair at the other side of the table, putting one of his legs over the other one and sighed deeply. “nothing much dear, just came over for our check up” he said and chuckled again also looking around for a teapot, as that’s what they’ve always drank while gossiping.

rosie smiled and all of her attention moved onto him. “well then? where have you been? what’s new? how’s the ‘v’ thing?” she asked all of those question at once which earned her a laugh from alastor, forming a grin on her face.

“oh my dear…” he started and shook his head trying to make the situation more dramatic. “there’s a lot to talk about from those three question you’ve asked” he smiled wider but his brows furrowed slightly. “didn’t we always to this while drinking tea?” he asked and rosie laughed at him, covering her mouth with one of her hands.

“we sure did!” she kept laughing and made herself more comfortable in her seat. “and that’s even more perfect occasion for you to meet someone” her smiled turned more lovely as alastor raised one of his eyebrows at her.

“who?” he asked, putting both of his hands on the table, waiting for her to elaborate wanting to hear all the gossip. rosie rolled her eyes playfully at him and called out for you. “y/n!” she called, turning her head to the side.

hearing your name you came out of the back and looked at her while tilting your head, questioning why has she called you. only after a moment you noticed another person sitting with her at the table and as you walked closer to both of them you noticed it was alastor. you smiled to him trying to make that smile as honest as possible but you knew he saw right through you as he rose one of his eyebrows at you.

“oh my doll, would you be so nice and make me and alastor some tea? if not that totally fine, darling” she asked you with the biggest smile on her face. and how could you say no to this woman?

“of course” you smiled to her dumbly and went to the back again, to prepare the tea and try to make yourself act normal around alastor.

rosie chuckled seeing your smile and as you walked away her eyes drifted back to alastor who had a bit of a questioning look on his face alongside his never resting smile.

“i see” he said and chuckled looking at her while still keeping his hands on the table. “the remarkable matchmaker finally found her match?” he asked and rosie chuckled at his words, covering her mouth as she rolled her eyes playfully, her cheeks slightly rosing.

“always such a charmer” she laughed and she did it loud enough that you could hear her at the back. you placed the teapot down with a thud rolling your eyes and trying to at least keep some face as you continued on making the tea. “but yes, i must say i did find my match” she said more softly and her eyes softened as alastor rolled his own at her and chuckled, shaking his head.

“i see you have a taste for a woman this time” he laughed and rosie moved her hand over the table to gently punch his shoulder. he laughed even more at her reaction.

“she’s not for eating” she said sternly but couldn’t hold the laugh escaping her throat. “well, not that eating” she chuckled as she went back to her sit again and roll her eyes playfully as alastor’s eyes squinted at her words and his dear ears flatten slightly. rosie took a notice of that and let out another laugh. “oh alastor, so easy to embarrass you” she continued laughing and he just rolled his eyes at her.

as they continued their conversation you gathered everything you needed and grabbed the tray with the teapot and two cups, walking out of the back and trying to keep up your smile. you came over to them and placed it on the table, smiling softly to rosie as she gave the smile back.

“here you go” you said more to her than them and she clapped her hands together with a chuckle.

“thank you sweetie” she said grabbing the teapot and pouring her and alastor a cup. you were just standing there not feeling like you should stay but also not entirely sure if you should leave. rosie smiled even more seeing you stay with them as she handed alastor his cup.

“alastor” she said taking a sip from her cup and looking at him again. “i want you to officially meet y/n-“ she said and turned her head to you with a wide smile, showing off her sharp teeth. “the ‘match’ to the matchmaker” she playfully rolled her eyes. “and the love of my life” she smiled and took another sip from her cup as you just stood there feeling your cheeks staring to blush.

alastor looked you up and down and despite this not being your first meeting with him, but first as rosie’s official girlfriend, you felt like he was studying you. i mean it was something he’s been doing every time so was it really that unpredictable? rosie smiled wider seeing your blushing cheeks.

“i’m so glad you stopped by today” said rosie and smiled to alastor wider. his smile widened too as he took a sip from his cup.

“always a pleasure” he chuckled taking another sip. you just stood there not knowing what to do with yourself exactly as you continued on watching their conversation.

“so tell me, have you met someone interesting lately? and you know i don’t mean it in a lovely way” rosie chuckled sipping her own tea as alastor eyes squinted slightly as his ears folded.

“well a few people yes, but they’re never quite like you” he said with a laugh in his tone and your eyes immediately went to his face.

“oh darling” rosie exclaimed and chuckled putting her tea down on the table. “you could never meet a second me” she chuckled once again and put her hand on his hand in a rather playful manner but it definitely didn’t seem playful to you.

“excuse me” you said with a fake smile as you walked to the back again and let out a deep breath out of frustration. rosie eyes followed you immediately same as alastor’s did and his smile widened just a bit.

“so rosie!” he started and the woman’s attention was brought up to him immediately. “is she really the one? i mean does she know you that well?” he asked wanting to irritate you even more as he knew you were still listening to the conversation. your hands turned into fists as you heard his words.

rosie only chuckled at his question and rolled her eyes. “yes, i am. i love her” she said and alastor rolled his eyes again.

“you loved franklin as well” he said shrugging and sipping his tea as rosie’s gaze turned into a bit colder one.

“the past is the past, darling” she shrugged and took her cup again sipping at it as she avoided his gaze, alastor taking pride in making her anxious so easily.

you couldn’t literally hold in it more as you heard their conversation. wasn’t it enough for him that you were already jealous? had he do this all?

you shook your head and walked deeper into the back, into the greenhouse in which rosie kept all of her flowers. you inhaled the smell of all of them and sat on the ground feeling your eyes tear up from pure anger and jealousy. why… why was he like that?

you didn’t know that but rosie took notice of your absence at the back and her brows furrowed. you weren’t acting like that normally when she had friends over. something was definitely wrong.

“alastor!” she said and the deer-man’s ears peaked up on her voice. “it was really a pleasure having you today but i have a lot of work…” she lied and alastor just laughed at her attempt to lie to him, yet let her get away with it.

“i understand” he said getting up and dusting off his coat. he smiled to her and grabbed his staff. “ill be on my way then, see you next time” he said and rosie smiled at him as much as she could waving her hand until he left the building.

she immediately rushed to the back and when she noticed you actually weren’t there her blood turned cold. she tried to keep her mind calm as she decided to check the greenhouse, after all you were hanging out there a lot.

as she walked in she spotted you on the ground and with a soft click of her tongue she walked over to you putting a hand on your shoulder. you immediately shook off her hand and rolled you eyes.

rosie burrowed her eyebrows looking at you. “sweetie, are you okay?” she asked as she sat down next to you.

“i don’t know, ask alastor” you scoffed and she rolled her eyes at your tone knowing exactly where this conversation was going.

“and why would i?” she asked tilting her head trying to play dumb. you knew her better than that.

“cause he’s like the most amazing person ever isn’t he?” you huffed and threw your hands up. “he’s oh so charming and oh so marvellous” you said and rosie let out a deep sigh at your attitude.

“doll, can you stop?” she asked and you looked at her with squinted eyes. “just drop the act already i know you’re jealous, always were when he was around so what’s the point?” she asked huffing herself as she was getting annoyed at this point.

“i’m jealous because i know he could take you away from me!” you said tears almost coming to your eyes. rosie laughed at your words not expecting something like that to come out of your mouth. you looked at her in disbelief that she dared to laugh at you.

“doll-“ she started but you interrupted her with your own words.

“no, you’re not going to doll me here” you said scoffing and shaking your head as you get up from the floor, standing up and looking down at her. “i am jealous of him because i feel threatened”

rosie blinked at your words and didn’t laugh this time as she stood up as well and just looked at you with pure worry in her eyes. she reached out for you hand slowly and you didn’t brush her off this time. “alastor couldn’t… and wouldn’t take me away from you in a sense of love” she explained and you just rolled your eyes at her.

“yeah sure” you huffed looking away from her. rosie took both of your hands into hers and pulled you closer to her, uncontrollably making you look up at her.

“he wouldn’t.” she said in a stern voice while rising an eyebrow. “he doesn’t do ‘love’” she said and your eyes widened at her words as it somehow made sense in your head now. he was just… getting on your nerves then. “but i must say the jealousy in your eyes looks hot” she chuckled and you felt your cheeks blush.

“oh yeah?” you asked and moved one of your hands onto her cheek cupping it. “maybe i should be more jealous then” you chuckled.

rosie rolled her eyes at you and then let go of your hands grabbing the one that was holding her cheek at your wrist taking it away from her face and grabbing the other one to hold them both by your wrists. you looked at her a bit surprised but also unconsciously bit your lip. rosie chuckled at your reaction and sighed.

“oh love, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into” she said and leaned down to your nose so it was touching hers. “i don’t mind putting a pretty lady like you in her place from time to time” she whispered and laughed as you felt the shiver run all over you body.

[mumms-the-word]

Illithid Souls - Part 3

The Case Studies: Karlach and Gale

Welcome to the third and final part of this wild deep dive rabbit hole monstrosity that is the three-part series about illithid souls and whether mind flayers, or specifically you as a mind flayer, have a soul.

If you read Part 1 and Part 2, then you know that yes, illithids have souls, they're just different souls that the gods don't recognize as souls because they're non-apostolic, or incapable of divine worship (as opposed to being apostolic like most humanoid souls). You now also know that you turning into a mind flayer is a bit of a special case because of the Netherese magic in the tadpoles, and this might be why you retain more of your soul than normal mind flayers would.

Also, a quick reminder of the two theories we're working with here: Theory 1 is that when someone becomes a mind flayer they essentially just die and their (apostolic) soul moves on to the Fugue Plane and the mind flayer body just gets a new illithid soul from somewhere. Theory 2 is that when someone becomes a mind flayer their soul is transformed and altered into an illithid soul, which remains tethered to the mind flayer body. BG3 seems to operate more on the Theory 2 side of things, but as we'll see with Karlach and Gale, it's more complicated than you think.

So let's deep dive, shall we?

The Case of Karlach

I'm going to be candid here and say that the mind flayer ending for Karlach makes me really sad, even knowing that there's a very high chance that her soul is mostly intact and she is mostly still Karlach. But there's no denying she's at least a little different, though the game tries to comfort us otherwise after she transforms.

Narrator: *She is transformed. Her body is no longer hers, but her eyes, her heart - she is still Karlach, for now. Only - there's a hunger in her eyes that wasn't there before.*

That "for now" is rather ominous, isn't it? But we have enough evidence from Tav/Durge/other Origins and Orpheus to suggest that the likelihood of her retaining her memories and her personality is very high. In fact, when you talk to her during the epilogue, she does seem mostly the same, though her language has mellowed out to a more formal tone and she speaks less colloquially (and swears less and less).

If you talk to her immediately after she transforms, she marvels that she's still "herself" but also "more," which again reinforces that we all get to be special mind flayers who don't completely lose our souls. But I think there are some interesting lines in this dialogue:

Karlach: This is wild. I'm myself but... but more. Player: I don't like the sound of that. Karlach: Don't worry, soldier. It's still your old pal under all this purple. But suddenly 'I' am different than I ever knew. And my engine, it's... it's... silent. No heat. No gears. Still there, but no longer threatening to explode. Soldier... Player: I guess turning into an illithid has its perks. Karlach: Here I thought I was making a sacrifice. Thank the gods I'm a noble fuck! Shit. I'm gonna be all right. I get to be alive. I get to stay. As a hideous monster, sure. But one that can feel. Think. Live. But I'm still myself. And I know what our mission is. I'm glad I get to the do the honours.

Karlach reiterates over and over that she's still herself, but you can literally hear the change in her voice. Where normally her tone and volume would be boisterous, loud, and energetic, she's now calm and mellow, even when she's swearing. Her tone here is more one of wonder. It isn't just the internal and external fires that have calmed down, her overall demeanor seems "cooler" too.

Also, in her romance ending just before the epilogue, where you're both in the Elfsong Tavern room, you can mention that she does seem a little altered.

Player: I still love you, Karlach. I still want to be with you. Karlach: I love you too. Before, that love was an irrepressible inferno. Now it is a calm, cool object of beauty. Player: I can see you're still yourself, but there's something else in there too. An illithid calm. Karlach: Maybe you're right. I feel less... changeable. Less afraid. I feel ready for whatever is to come.

It doesn't tell us much, but it does reinforce that when we or any of our companions turn into a mind flayer, we likely retain a lot of our former personality, but in a much more calm, even-keeled kind of way. Again going back to the idea that our soul is still there, still mostly the same, but has been made a bit more illithid.

What is more interesting for Karlach, specifically, is her discussion of her diet as a mind flayer. Remember what souls are allegedly made up of? Intelligence, personality, and what else?

Memories.

Karlach: For example, my favourite food used to be mutton chops. Do you know what it is now? Brains, soldier. Brains. Player: Comes with the illithid territory, I suppose. Karlach: True. But I've found ways to maintain my values while respecting that which I am - that which made it possible for me to live. I've made arrangements with a healer in the city. When a patient is beyond saving, but still able to speak for themselves, they're offered a choice. They can go as nature intends to take them. Or, when they're ready - when their goodbyes have been said, their affairs settled, and all that awaits them is pain - I relieve them. When I consume their brains, I am nourished by much more than the physical nutrition. Their memories - from birth to death - become part of me. I've lived hundreds of childhoods, first loves, marriages, feuds and friendships. I remember them all. And in this way, we all live on. Together.

There's so much to unpack here. One, she still remembers her values, even six months later, but is trying to negotiate her former humanoid values (and personality, I imagine) with her needs as a mind flayer. That seems very Karlach, through and through.

But then, when she consumes these dying patients' brains, she absorbs and retains their memories. I imagine their souls still go on to the Fugue Plane, because I highly doubt that mind flayers also consume souls when they eat brains, but it still leaves me with questions. Karlach isn't part of a hivemind, which normally circulates memories between each other, but she's becoming a similar kind of receptacle for memories, and only she is the one that contains them, rather than an entire hivemind.

I have to wonder how much something like constantly consuming and remembering memories that are not your own affects you as a person/creature. Does that eventually lead to a loss of self, as you begin to "live" multiple different lives? Or does it all count as mere knowledge?

In some ways this would put her in competition with any elder brains still out there, but she's also not collecting knowledge for the sake of knowledge. She's collecting memories and living them out in her mind, which is a certain kind of tragedy. She's literally living vicariously through these people because her mind flayer body is too scary to go out and about in, and she's making up for a decade of life she didn't get to live. She's alive, but she's not...living if that makes sense. And again...how long before all these memories start to change who she is?

(An aside. I really don’t think her eating brains and collecting memories keeps someone’s soul from moving on. If you use the spell Speak with Dead, you don’t call back an entire soul, but the corpse still has access to its memories. I think in this case, even though memories make up part of a soul, Karlach consuming brains and collecting memories is more like her downloading a copy of the memories for herself. The dead person likely still takes their own memories with them to the Fugue Plane, where they will be judged by Kelemvor or collected by their favorite deity. She’s just copy/pasting data, not transferring everything from one hard drive to another, if that analogy makes sense.)

This arrangement where Karlach consumes the brains of dying patients is expanded or clarified a bit if you're romancing her during the epilogue, and also includes a reference to souls as well.

Karlach: I can’t wait to say hello, but to be honest, I’m keen to visit the doctor before it gets too late. He said there’s a potential in his infirmary. A very old woman recently diagnosed with a wasting sickness. She seemed interested in what I have to offer. I’ll want to have a good long talk with her before we make an arrangement. Though if I’m being very selfish, I hope she’ll say yes. I’m absolutely famished - and think of all those memories. Player: Glad to hear. I was worried you were getting hungry. Karlach: I don’t hide it well, do I? Some things don’t change, even when everything else does. It’s funny. I’m hungry in my body, but in my soul too. That woman has lived a long life - births, deaths, love, misfortune. And if she agrees, I’ll be able to give her a dignified end, and remember it all in her honour.

Or if you go with a different option:

Player: I'm still not sure how I feel about this arrangement. Are you sure it's ethical to feed on the dying? Karlach: I'm sure of very little these days. But at least this way, I can live. And those who offer themselves to me can live on too. Births, first loves, marriages, losses - I remember them all and always will. Each memory I've consumed is of value.

It's just so interesting to me. One, her remark that she's eager to say hello but slightly more interested in chatting to a doctor about her next meal suggests that some elements of becoming a mind flayer are much harder to ignore. I imagine if she's hungry, she feels less like Karlach. (And I have thoughts, for another post, about whether she becomes "too fixated" on living when she's a mind flayer, given the cost of what it means to stay alive as a mind flayer.)

But she also says she's hungry in her soul. Her soul seems deeply interested in these memories, and I wonder if that's because memories are (or could be) part of souls themselves. Maybe the remark isn't really that deep, but she specifically connects the hunger of her soul to all the memories a long-lived woman will have. It's almost as if these memories nurture her soul, but it's unclear whether that is because it's somehow healing to see and "experience" life in ways she can't now that she's a mind flayer, or if it's because the memories have some kind of tangible effect on her soul/souls in general.

I suppose we won't know for sure. What we do know from Karlach's case, however, is that a great deal of the original soul (personality, memories, etc) seems to stick around even six months later, though there are noticeable changes in personality, such as an overall calm demeanor. There are also hints that consuming brains could lead to further changes down the road, but there's nothing really concrete. Just hints.

In the end, Karlach is still Karlach, and her soul still has plenty of elements of the original Karlach, even six months later. This is a good sign, but we can't completely ignore that her new body/mind as a mind flayer will necessarily mean some things have permanently changed. Whether you judge those changes as good or bad is up to you.

With that said, let's move on to the final and most mind-boggling case.

The Case of Gale

If you play a companion as an Origin run, the mind flayer decision typically works out the same way as Tav...unless you're playing as Gale. Gale gets some extra options at the end of the game.

This is mostly because Gale has perhaps the most apostolic soul that hangs in the balance, second only to Shadowheart, and her soul pendulum swings between Selûne and Shar. Gale, however, seems to be walking on a knife's edge trying to retain or earn back entry into Elysium, Mystra's domain in the Outer Planes. He's allegedly already been there, though not as a dead soul, so he knows what's at stake if his soul suddenly becomes non-apostolic or disappears.

In other words, Gale has a formerly Faithful apostolic soul, but he spends much of the game probably worried his soul will be judged as False when he dies (since he lost Mystra's favor) until Mystra offers her brand of forgiveness, which is essentially "if you sacrifice your own life, I'll let you into Elyisum again." It's a guarantee that he ends up in the afterlife he wants to be in. That's what Mystra's forgiveness really boils down to.

Now, this is a man who does not want to sacrifice his soul, and also (Netherese orb aside) does not want to die if his soul is going to be judged as False by Kelemvor rather than welcomed into Elysium as a Faithful soul. We know that Gale finds the Fugue Plane exceedingly depressing, so I can't imagine he has any desire to wander around it for any stretch of time, even if Mystra does eventually deign to invite him into Elysium. I'm sure the thought of becoming part of the Wall of the Faithless might as well be hell to him.

Gale: It’s a relief to be back in beautiful Faerûn. The dreariness of the Fugue Plane oppresses one’s soul so very quickly.

[mumm's note: yes my man died in service of a Tactician battle against Grym, but he got better]

It's a little surprising to see how adamantly Gale would prefer to choose the Netherese orb over letting himself or anyone he cares for become illithid. Look at some of what he says when he tries to offer the orb as an option for the final battle:

Gale: An easy proposition for the Emperor to make - 'become a mind flayer' - it has no soul to sacrifice. If it did - perhaps it would understand the weight of what it's asking of us. And why we might seek an alternative.

I couldn't get this next dialogue to trigger in my game, but in the same conversation as above you might potentially get the option to remind him about Mystra's offer to cure his orb condition, and even then he reminds you of the stakes that come with becoming a mind flayer.

Player: Mystra will cure you if we bring her the Crown of Karsus. You don't need to do this. Gale: To cure me of the orb, yes. But what of the guilt of allowing one of my friends to sacrifice their very soul and become illithid?

Now keep in mind, up to this point no one has shown any evidence that turning into a mind flayer won't actually mean the total destruction of one's soul. Up until now, the only evidence anyone has of an original soul remaining intact inside a mind flayer body is the Emperor (we have no frame of reference for who Omeluum was before he was a mind flayer), and most of the companions do not trust the Emperor one bit. So Gale genuinely thinks that becoming a mind flayer means your soul is either destroyed or changed so much that it's no longer you.

I mean, think about it. He's half expecting you to take the tadpole the Emperor offers and literally cease to exist. He's expecting to fight alongside a mind flayer who has, at best, your name and a few scraps of your memory, and at worst, no shred of you at all. Because again, up until this point in the game, none of them realize that they could become a special mind flayer who does actually retain most (if not all) of their soul, including their personality and memories.

Gale literally thinks that blowing up and going to the Fugue Plane is better than you or any companion becoming a mind flayer.

But that's in a companion run. Obviously, if you play him as an Origin, you can have him turn into a mind flayer as a different kind of ultimate sacrifice. The decision plays out the same as a Tav/Durge run or any other Origin run. But after the game ends, Gale gets unique dialogue if he (1) sacrifices himself or (2) does not sacrifice himself and goes to meet Mystra with the Crown in hand.

Any run of his sacrifice (aka, using the orb, regardless of whether or not he is illithid) results in Withers finding him in the Fugue Plane for a brief conversation. This conversation isn't much different if Gale is a mind flayer when he uses the orb, since all it does is add an extra option to their conversation that references being illithid ("One illithid for the whole of Faerûn seems like a fair trade to me," which replaces the option "One wizard for the whole of Faerûn...etc").

(An aside, I don't have an Origin Gale run so I can't test this, but I think if he ends his life on the docks as a mind flayer, the way Tav/Durge can with a knife got the stomach, then he just gets the usual Tav/Durge conversation with Withers about how his form has "something of the spirit" about him. See Part 2 if you're curious about that conversation.)

What this conversation with Withers reveals is how much control Mystra seems to have over his soul, especially if/when he's a mind flayer. If Gale decides to sacrifice himself using the Netherese Orb, Withers remarks about how surprising it is that Mystra hasn’t picked him up yet.

Withers: Who flickers there ‘twixt the shadows? Gale, who didst surrender his very self for the salvation of Faerûn. I feared I might not find thee here - that Mystra would have already plucked thy thread from the tapestry of fate. But she may wait a while yet.

It’s a little unclear if Withers uses “plucked thy thread from the tapestry of fate” to mean Gale gets to go to Elysium or something else, and it’s equally unclear whether Mystra waiting is a sign of displeasure or a sign that she is interested in sending Gale back to the Material Plane. She is capable of doing that, after all, and has frequently resurrected her Chosens, like Elminster, if it suits her.

But I highlight this conversation to show that you can get it as a mind flayer, and (if you are a mind flayer during this scene) that Mystra waiting isn't because he's a mind flayer and she can't find his soul. She waits for a minute regardless of whether he's illithid or not. But Withers is certain Mystra will be able to find Gale's soul, because he was able to find Gale's soul and recognize it as Gale.

So, not to harp on this again and again, but it's proof that turning into a mind flayer didn't destroy Gale's soul. It's still Gale's soul, even in the Fugue Plane, even if he's mind-flayer-shaped, and that soul is still capable of journeying to Elysium, should Mystra bother to find it wandering the Fugue Plane (or wherever he is).

But things are a little different if Gale decides to become a mind flayer and then goes to visit Mystra with the Crown of Karsus in hand. Keep in mind, Origin!Gale always has the option to face off against Mystra after the defeat of the Netherbrain, and this face-off is where he decides to hand over the Crown, become the god of ambition, or straight up try to fight Mystra.

However! If Gale is a mind flayer, he gets a secret fourth option.

If Gale goes to meet Mystra as an illithid with the Crown of Karsus and then gives up the Crown to her, Mystra offers to take Gale to Elysium with her. More than that, she offers to literally restore his humanity and cure him of illithidness.

Sort of.

Mystra: So, Gale of Waterdeep, you have become the inheritor of Karsus’ powers at last. What do you intend to do with them? Gale: I came to surrender them. The Crown, the Karsite Weave - take it all. Mystra: This offering cost you greatly. There is no hope in life as an illithid, devoid of soul and conscience. It is within my power to restore your soul, and your humanity, if you are willing to leave the mortal realms behind. Return with me, to Elysium.

No one else is offering this kind of deal to an Origin-turned-mind-flayer. Selûne and Shar don’t care if Shadowheart turns illithid, and Withers isn’t exactly offering to restore souls and humanity (or…mortalness?) to everyone else. This is a signifier of the sheer amount of power Mystra has, yes, but this also hints at some other things.

One, despite evidence of the contrary, Mystra is adamant that Gale-as-illithid is or would be “devoid of soul and conscience,” even though we know that that likely isn’t true (just see Karlach, Tav/Durge, etc). Perhaps Mystra is unaware that Gale is a Special Mind Flayer (seems unlikely), or perhaps she’s simply trying to convince Gale to come with her. After all, what she’s offering is still a kind of reward.

Then again, maybe Gale and/or Mystra fear the long-term effects of illithidness. Maybe over time he would become less and less like Gale, perhaps due to consuming memories, or other factors that come with being a mind flayer. Still, though, saying that his life would be "devoid of soul and conscience" seems like a massive stretch on Mystra's part.

But anyway, the reward for him turning into a mind flayer and giving her the Crown is a restoration of his humanity...but only in death.

Mystra: Return with me, to Elysium. Devnote: respectful - Gale sacrificed his humanity to achieve what she asked. If he’s willing to die on the mortal planes, she will restore his soul and body but in the heavens.

Now before I get to what happens if Gale agrees to this reward, I want to point out that Mystra herself sort of acknowledges that Gale isn't exactly devoid of soul and conscience if he refuses her offer. Here are some of the ways Gale can turn her down, with her answer to each option being the same:

Gale: [Option 1] Thank you, but no. I have someone waiting for me. Gale: [Option 2] Perhaps one day, but for now there is more I need to accomplish. Gale: [Option 3] Being an illithid has its advantages. I'm content as I am. Mystra: Then you are free to go with both my thanks and my promise - henceforth, your prayers will always be answered.

The whole idea of an apostolic soul is that it means the person is capable of worshipping a divine being, and this worship ncludes prayers. She might have said that him being illithid would mean he would be devoid of soul and conscience, but in nearly the same breath she promises to answer all his prayers. So she recognizes something of a soul within him. So why say he would be devoid of soul?

Of course, things get weird if Gale accepts her offer to be restored and go to Elyisum. If Gale agrees, then she fulfills her promise and even restores his place as one of her Chosen.

Gale: I crave nothing more. Take me to Elysium. Mystra: So be it. Gale of Waterdeep, Chosen of Mystra. Cinematic Tag: Mystra transforms Mindflayer Gale back to his human form (hollow) and grabs Gale’s hand. They return to Elysium.

This is wild to me. You see, originally when I started this project I thought I was going to be writing posts about how interesting it is that when you become a mind flayer, your soul is probably hanging out in the Fugue Plane or something, and eventually I’d suggest that Mystra is able to restore Gale’s soul to him because it’s already gone to her domain or she knows how to find it because he used to be so faithful to her. But none of that works now.

Because now I’m convinced that the Netherese tadpole changes everyone into a Special Mind Flayer whose soul is still present in their mind flayer bodies, just altered or transformed. So what’s up with this stuff from Mystra? She recognizes Gale as Gale even when he's a mind flayer and promises to answer his prayers, so clearly there's some kind of apostolic soul thing going on here. So why does she offer to "restore his soul," and also, why only in death?

She does say that she will restore Gale’s humanity, so now I assume that somehow her powers allow her to un-alter Gale’s soul so that it isn’t so illithid anymore. My idea is that she’s essentially restoring his soul to its former state and not, as we might otherwise infer, literally giving him his soul back, as if it were separate from his body. Gale’s soul is still in his mind flayer body, if all the rest of the evidence holds any water, so Mystra must have merely changed it back to the way it was.

quick picture break, this is from Northalix's video, linked below

Which makes me wonder, can a completely original, apostolic-type soul exist in an illithid body? Or does the body dictate that the soul must be somewhat illithid in order to be compatible?

Because the thing is, this deal comes with an ultimatum. She’s not going to let him go back to the mortal realms after she’s restored his soul. She probably could—she’s probably capable of doing that, if only by giving him a completely new body (she's done that before with Elminster). But she doesn’t. The cure comes with a cost. He only gets to be human again if he agrees to die completely and join her in Elysium. There is no undoing the illithid sacrifice, which seems more like a game limitation than a Mystra limitation (although we can certainly brainstorm reasons why Mystra would be so petty as to basically say "I can make you human again but only if you die completely.")

I want to point out that Mystra doesn't offer to let Gale come back to Elysium as a dead guy if he's not a mind flayer. Like, we don't get the sparkly ascension scene if he blows up with the Netherese orb, we get the Withers visit in the Fugue Plane. This Elysium offer is an illithid-only option. If he's not a mind flayer and he returns the Crown, she cures him of the Netherese Orb and sends him back. There's no option to join her in Elysium. Why is this an illithid-only option?

Also, just...I need you to watch the scene.

There's a lot that bothers me about this. One, the gestures she makes are the exact gestures God!Gale makes when he ascends Tav/Durge if they romanced him and agreed to become a god with him. Do with that what you will. But two...it just gives me the ick. This is a different kind of ascension for Gale. It's a restoration of his place in Elysium, but it ultimately means his premature death. If this is the route you take as him...it's hardly better than him sacrificing himself using the Netherese Orb without becoming a mind flayer. Only this time, we get to see the scene where he goes to Elysium, I guess.

It also massively complicates the whole idea that everyone gets to be a special mind flayer with a mostly-intact, mostly-apostolic soul. If the soul didn't change, why does Mystra need to "restore" it? And if it did change, why is Mystra the only one capable of un-changing it back to its original form (is it because he’s her Chosen and is/was so faithful)?And if such a thing is possible, why offer it and then say "but you're dead now"?

It seems as though her "fixing" Gale's soul was really just her...I don't know, separating it from his physical mind flayer body so the illithid anatomy wouldn't mess with it as much, and then dusting off his soul, which is now bodyless, and taking it with her to Elysium. I'm not saying that's what she did, but that's the weird vibes I get from this interaction. Like, there seems to be some kind of implication that you can't have a fully humanoid, apostolic soul housed within an illithid body. The soul has to be altered somehow to work with the illithid body.

So why not just give him a new body, Mystra??? Fix is soul and give him a new body! You’re absolutely capable of that!

I have so many questions.

Of course, keep in mind that Gale can reject her, obviously, and return to the mortal realms as a mind flayer. She does acknowledge that he has at least something of a soul that can pray to her so...I mean, there's that.

Anyways, what have we learned?

The Summary

With Karlach, we see that being a mind flayer does necessarily change parts of a person's personality (which, again, is part of their soul). Usually this results in a person seeming calmer, more mellow, less emotional than they normally would have been, but it does seem that for Tav/Durge, the companions, and Orpheus that turning into a mind flayer doesn't completely destroy their soul. It just seems to alter it a bit. In my opinion, the soul just becomes a tiny bit more illithid. Karlach’s case does leave us with questions about how “good” consuming and retaining so many memories might be in the long run, but as of six months post-ceremorphosis, she seems fine.

From Gale, we learn that apparently it's possible to restore or un-alter a partly-illithid soul so that it goes back to normal, but this power is extremely rare and likely relegated to the gods alone (or a particularly powerful Wish spell). We're also reminded that keeping recognizable parts of one's soul, like the personality and memories, is a huge surprise, because that's not how normal mind flayers work. We know this from Orpheus, but Gale just kinda reinforced it.

I guess we also learned that Mystra is a massive—but I should keep this civil. We all know what Mystra is.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that she's unwilling to accept Gale into her domain while he is still a mind flayer, even though his soul obviously would fit the bill based on what a soul is/does for the gods. He has a viable apostolic soul, it’s just mind-flayer-shaped!I'm sure Mystra thinks she's being magnanimous by offering him eternity as a human in Elysium, but I think it ultimately just shows how shallow she can be. Gale only gets to come back if he’s not mind flayer shaped.

And I think, deep down, Gale has always suspected that would be the case.

And on that familiar note, my friends, thank you for joining me on this excessively long deep dive into mind flayer souls and things we can learn from the game and the lore.

~*~*~

If you made it to the end, congrats! More gold stars for you!

✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨⭐️🌟⭐️✨

If you read through all three parts and also made it to the end of this one, you are the real MVP and I wish I had stickers or achievements to give you so you can be like "I survived another three-part deep dive from mumm." But I don't even have a lousy T-Shirt to offer you.

You can have this random picture instead though :> it's my Tav Dani looking very unimpressed by the Emperor's offer of sexy times (sorry not sorry Empy, she's got a man and his name is Gale and she prefers him and all her friends to be tentacle-free)

Enjoy the lore and remember that it's all up to you to decide what you want to keep or reject! I'm just showing you what's out there!

Tags for those who wanted an update! @galesdevoteewife @stuffforthestash

[24-jay-42]

Since the Bells Hells Are most likely going to be spending some time in Vasselheim talking to some gods, Here’s who I think It would be cool if each member of the bells hells talked too. I’ll only be listing gods that would be easily accessible in Vasselheim, so no Betrayers or lesser idols:

Orym:

The Wildmother - We’ve already seen them interact and Her even bestowing him the first known Relic of the red solstice. But i wouldn’t exactly say no to more

Imogen:

Stormlord - Obviously the red storm, and that she’s already interested in talking to him. But I also think “Where does your strength Come from?” is very interesting and compelling for her. We’ve heard a few times how she feels tempted by the power Predathos offers. And she has already displayed her strength and force of will in resisting it. I’m hoping she comes up with an answer for herself that strengthens that resolve even further

Laudna:

Dawnfather - While I still the matron would be cool and make a lot of sense, I also wanted to propose the Dawnfather. The matron is very anti-undead and doesn’t like those who defy fate and death, Which Laudna is actively doing. The Dawnfather Has some interesting Things in his tenets about not forgetting the lessons of the past, and Laudna (and Chetney) Has always been the one to point such things out. The Dawnfather Represents the sun, renewal and rebirth. Laudna’s Connection to the suntree. Also, Vex was a champion of the Dawnfather, could make for some interesting story telling.

Chetney:

The All Hammer - Yes, The craft god for the craftsman. But when it fits it fits. And it goes beyond just their shard love of craft. The All Hammer’s tenants promote Leaving a Legacy. “To create something that lasts is to change the world for the better”. As as we know from Nanna Mori, That’s something Chetney wants and values. Moradin is also god of clan, Family and the home. He promotes Loyalty. Chetney is nothing If not loyal. Even if he sometimes speaks and acts in a way that seems a bit sketchy, (eg. just recently with the bright queen and not telling ashton) But in the end he is always loyal, such as when he choose to administer a potion in the otohan fight instead of drinking it himself. Moradin also tells his followers to remain Stoic and tenacious in the face of Catastrophe, And he proved that by asking about Molaesmyr straight to Ludinus’ Face and many many more times

Dorian:

This one’s a bit difficult. Because of recent experiences and his current mindset (which i don’t blame him for), i think he will find it difficult to approach a god. The arch Heart is a good pick, art god for the bard. Anti-lolth. But I can also easily see the Law-bearer. He is now the eldest Prince and heir of the Silken-squall. Some guidance might help him. But i’m not sure.

Braius:

The Platinum Dragon - Sam and Braius have both said that since receiving truthbearer, this might be a sign. A chance for redemption. And honestly i don’t see the platinum dragon, The pillar of justice, protection, nobility, and honour discarding and condemning Braius for something that was barely his fault: Failing to stop an ultimately harmless Prank. One of Bahmut’s tenets is “Smite evil wherever it is found, yet show compassion to those who have strayed from the path of righteousness”. There is something so Raw and compelling about him keeping his Broken Holy Symbol. No matter what happens, his relationship isn't over yet. Braius is currently the Character with the largest connection to the gods so whatever he chooses will be interesting.

Fearne:

The Moonweaver - Not only do they match each other's energy perfectly: Fey trickery. Seizing your own destiny through your passions. “Walk unbridled and untethered, forging new memories and experiences” is just what fearne does on the daily. But also, Stealing Catha from the moonweaver is Literally Zathuda’s whole prerogative. It would be so Ironic if they instead worked together to steal Gloamglut away from him. absolute icon behaviour.

Ashton:

Ashton’s interesting. I obviously want him to talk to the Luxon and the Titan. But if i where to pick a deity.

The Changebringer - For F.C.G obviously. Ashton still has his change bringer coin that he took from the stone. But it goes beyond that. In my opinion The changebringer kinda suits Ashton better then FCG. Rising against Tyranny, change for the better. In terms of Luck Favouring the bold he can literally manipulate luck. Not to mention how tremendously lucky surviving that shard was. I in no way think he would ever become a follower, but I could see this as a sort of alliance. However reluctant.

[littlelovelyra]

I Could Love You

Tav teaches Astarion that there are things way better than sexual intimacy and that he does not owe her his body <3

Astarions POV

AO3 if you prefer

Lil one shot to get me back into the swing of things - please note this was a quick idea so there may be a few errors and may not be my best work :)

For ease all my work is 18+ - MINORS DNI

TW: Fluff, mentions of sex, mature themes, strongish language, angsty

It all happened so fast, one minute she was there beside you fighting the bulette, and the next she was hanging off the ledge. The beast had swung its claws in her direction and she expertly dodged out of the way, however, when its massive claw returned on the backhand it caught her by surprise and sent her rolling down the hill struggling to get a grip. 

The fear in her eyes as she toppled off the edge would have stopped your heart if it could still beat but you felt the nauseating sensation squeeze through your gut when you lost sight of her. Your legs were moving before your mind comprehended the events unfolding. As you slid your way down to the edge desperately peering over, you see she has managed to lodge the dagger you gifted her into the crevice wall. 

“Your hand. Give me your hand!” You reach out to her knowing time is of the essence, that dagger will not hold her long. The dagger slides down in one jolt moving her down only a few inches and you watch as her wide eyes twinkle in fear, fighting back her tears and her bottom lip trembles slightly causing your chest to tighten in panic. “You need to give me your hand! Now!” A crack of desperation resonates in your voice as you plunge your hand down gripping her arm just as the dagger gives way and falls into the dark void beneath her. 

“Listen to me. I’m going to pull you up but you need to hold on. Okay? Can you do that for me?” Your eyes search hers as you try to remain calm, she nods quickly in response as she tightens her grip and you begin to pull. It takes all your strength to bring her back up but as you expend the last of your energy she finally topples over to safety and knocks the two of you away from the ledge. Her arms tangle around your neck and her panicked breaths start to slow as your hand circles her back in comfort. 

“I lost my fucking tent.” She breathes out, her voice filled with irritation and her brows pinch together in anger.

“I’m sorry?? You almost died and all you can say is you lost your tent?” A laugh escapes your lips and she turns to you steaming with rage. “A thank you would have been nice. Don’t worry about the tent, I’m sure Gale would offer you some space in his.” The minute the words leave your mouth regret washes over you. Whatever this thing was between you and her confused you. This was meant to be a strategic alliance and you did what you knew best, that being sex. To your knowledge, the fastest way to build an alliance with someone is to fuck them and fuck them so good that they wouldn’t want anything else. Simple. So why in the nine hells does your stomach twist every time she’s in danger? Why does the thought of her in someone else’s tent fill you with disgust and rage? 

“Well, thank you, Astarion! Of course I would ask Gale; there is nobody else here that I would want to share a tent with. So thanks for saving me.” Pink stains her cheeks with rage as she dusts herself off and storms towards the group, leaving you staring after her like some love-sick puppy. Standing to your feet, you stroll towards the group with your usual nonchalant swagger, trying to ignore the heavy feeling in your chest as you watch her approach Gale. The wizard is practically beaming as she asks to share his tent for the evening, and you wonder to yourself if all this excitement would set off that orb in his chest… what a tragedy that would be…

“It would be my honour, Tav.” Your daydreams of a self-destructing Gale are interrupted by his ridiculous, chirpy voice as he bows slightly at the waist. What an idiot. You think to yourself.

It doesn’t take the group long until you find a suitable spot to set up for the evening, and you can’t help but notice that she has avoided you the entire time. At this point in the night, she is setting up inside Gale’s tent, and the melody of her laughter drifts through the air, cutting through your chest. It stings knowing that another male can bring out a sound that beautiful from her lips and with clenched fists you stalk off away from camp. Maybe hunting for your next feed would help take your mind off her. 

“It wOuLd bE mY hOnOuR TaV”, you mock Gale’s voice as you scan your surroundings, looking for a suitable option to feed on. “If she chooses that gods damn wizard over me, then I’m waltzing straight into the sunlight once I get this tadpole out. How humiliating would that be? Though… I suppose I don’t help myself by practically pushing her into a tent with him. GODS Astarion. Use your brain. You’ve been around long enough!” You throw your hands in the air as you converse with yourself, thankfully the under dark doesn’t have many people around… if anyone heard you, they may label you insane. 

After about an hour of walking, you notice a single beast wandering around in a clearing. It’s rather large, but you feel up for the challenge as you tread lightly towards it. Carefully, you unsheathe your dagger, preparing to leap once you find the right angle. As you bolt forward, the beast whips around, snapping its mouth over your arm, and you feel its teeth sink in. Fuck. That’s sharp. In a desperate attempt, you swiftly pull free and feel a white-hot pain shoot across your arm as its teeth tear your flesh. Expertly, you twist around its body and plunge the dagger into its throat, and the beast releases a gurgled cry. Just before you can sink your teeth into it, you hear several screeches in response.

“Oh, COME ON!!” You push the animal away in frustration and sprint from the clearing; you are not foolish enough to try to take on multiple beasts, as you’ve felt the damage their teeth are capable of. Walking to camp, you open a lesser healing potion and drink its contents. It won’t heal your wounds completely, but it will be enough until you can feed again, and since you’ve been gone for a couple of hours, you assume everyone will be asleep in their tents, which means no one will fuss over you. 

The walk back is becoming increasingly difficult, and you find yourself stumbling, your head begins to swirl, and the world seems to be spinning. When last did you feed? Was there something in the bite of the creature? The dull flame of fire comes into vision as you quicken your pace and stumble into camp.

“Astarion?” Her voice is soft and cautious as she closes her book, shifting her attention to you. 

“Oh, hello, pet. Yes. I am fine, just went for a little bite to eat. Though… I was not the one doing the biting… HAH.” You take a few wobbly steps forward and plant yourself next to her. “Enjoying a little late-night read, hmm?” You give your best smile despite feeling like you’re about to faint at any given moment.

“Yes, I told Gale I would be in later… I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to read… but… that’s not important right now. You look awful. You need to feed.” Her brow furrows in concern as she holds up her wrist to your lips. 

“Darling, I appreciate the offer but-.” 

Her voice cuts off your refusal as her eyes lock in with yours. “Just feed Astarion… Please.” Her features soften as she presses her wrist to your lips once more. 

You delicately hold her arm as you slowly lower your head and sink your teeth in, the sweet, warm taste of her blood coats your mouth, and you groan as you drink her in. Nothing tastes as sweet as her, and nothing ever will, no one could compare to her. Your mind begins to clear, your strength slowly returns, and you begin to pull away, but her free hand weaves itself through your curls and holds you in place. Your gaze meets hers with curiosity as you raise your brow, silently questioning her.

“I said drink Astarion. I will tell you when I can’t handle it. It’s okay.” A soft smile spreads across her lips as she frees her hand from your curls and places it against your cheek.

After a few languid pulls, you feel her thumb stroke your cheek. “That’s enough now; I can’t give anymore.” Her smile never falls as you release her wrist, and as if your lips had a mind of their own, you place a soft kiss against the puncture wound and you watch her cheeks flush ever so slightly. 

“Thank you, Tav.” Your voice is a whisper as you notice her hand is still on your cheek, and you bring yours up, locking her fingers with yours. “You should stay in my tent tonight; you wouldn’t want to wake Gale since you’ve stayed up so late reading.” Still holding her hand you stand up and she follows. 

“I suppose it would be quite rude of me…” she purses her lips together in thought and gives a quick nod. “Okay, let’s get you to bed so you can recover.” 

Once you’ve both changed, you notice she has laid out a spare bedroll on the opposite side of the tent. Nope. That just won’t do. You slowly crawl your way over and her brows rise in suspicion. 

“Pet… why are you all the way over there? How am I supposed to repay you for your kindness tonight?” You lower your voice seductively as you trace your thumb along her bottom lip.

“Astarion. You don’t need to repay me. I helped you because I care. My actions are MY actions. You are not indebted to me. You don’t owe me your protection… you don’t owe me a place in your tent, and you certainly do NOT owe me your body.” She shifts out of your grasp and faces you, her brows creased with concern. “Besides, there are better things to do with someone that doesn’t involve sex.” 

“I find that hard to believe.” You scoff out, feeling slightly rejected as you inch your way back to your bedroll. 

“Is that a challenge?” She raises her brow and smirks, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Alright then, lie on your back and close your eyes.”

“I thought you said no sex.” Your voice is light as you follow her orders.

“Shut up.” She scoffs. “Are your eyes closed? Good.” The warmth of her body settles beside you, and you fight the urge to open your eyes. “There are many things that are more enjoyable than sexual intimacy, for example, having someone run their fingers through your hair…” Her palm moves up your cheek until her fingers comb through your hair. With slow, long rakes, she delicately moves her hands through the waves of your curls, and a shiver runs down your spine at the gentle sensation. The storm within your mind calms and for the first time you feel the warmth of peace settle over you. 

Her hand moves from your hair, and you feel the featherlight touch of the back of her hand against yours before she brings it back up to softly trace the features of your face. “The electricity from a subtle brush of hands as you pass each other in a dimly lit hallway… or a soft caress to the skin…” She shifts beside you and lightly skims her lips against yours. “Or the feel of an almost shared kiss. A promise of something to come… there is magic in the anticipation.” As she lays back down, she gently guides your head to her chest, and once again, you fight to keep your eyes shut. 

“… but my favourite thing… is this. The feel of your loved one’s chest as it rises and falls with each breath, hearing the steady beat of their heart, knowing that it beats for you… and the best part? You could mix all these things together.” As you lay there on her chest, listening to the thrum of her heart and feeling the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes, she begins to run her hands through your hair again. If heaven existed… this was it, you were sure of it. 

“This Astarion… this feeling is better than sex.” Her words are barely above a whisper. She was right; you have taken many people to bed, but nothing compares to this. Right here at this moment, you have never felt more secure than you do now, and you wish you could stay here forever. She was brilliant, and you would be a complete fool to let this slip through your fingers. 

“Tav?” You open your eyes now and move to your side to face her. 

“Yes?” She whispers back as her eyes meet yours.

“Can I try? I mean… do you want to… uhm…” You fumble your words, and your brow creases in frustration. She takes your hand and smiles sweetly, nodding only once as she rests her head on your chest, and you begin delicately combing your fingers through her hair. "When you went off that cliff earlier... I don't think I have ever been that scared, Tav." The words are hard to get out but you know it needs to be said.

"I wasn't angry about the tent..." she whispers back. "I lost the dagger you gave me. I was angry about that but... I dont know why I couldn't just say it." her head shakes subtly on your chest.

"Probably the same reason why I suggested you staying in Gale's tent... pride? Denial? Maybe both." You keep your voice low as you continue to run your fingers through her hair.

"Denial?" She asks.

"Yes... that perhaps this... perhaps we are in denial of what we mean to each other." You release a soft sigh.

She pauses a moment and you feel her breath still. "What do we mean to each other?" the words are barely above a whisper as it leaves her lips.

"I... I don't know. But its not something casual. Its a little more than that. Just promise me you wont go falling off cliffs before we can figure it out, alright?" a strained laugh escapes your mouth.

"As long as you promise to not hunt things that are clearly too big to handle." She quips back lightly.

A soft chuckle rolls through the both of you and then you are met with a comfortable silence.

It’s not long before she falls asleep on your chest with her arm draped around you, but you continue to run your hand through her hair. A warmth swells within your chest, and you realise that, for the first time in a long time, you feel alive, and you never wanted to let her go. You may have lied earlier... not to her but more to yourself. You knew what this was but you were afraid to admit it to her... you were afraid to admit it to yourself.

But as you lay there in the silence of the night while she sleeps on your chest, you bring your lips to the crown of her head and a soft confession escapes from your trembling lips:

“I could love you.”