#It's always hard to give advice for this kinda stuff
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lylahammar · 1 year ago
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TW Fatphobia, self worth issues
Hey so I have a question and it's cool if you don't want to answer because I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but how you find someone who's willing to date you while fat? I've been fat ever since I hit puberty and I've never found someone even willing to give me a chance, much less actually appreciate my body, despite being very extroverted and asking out lots of people I've been attracted to. Most of the time people legitimately looked horrified and weren't exactly nice with their rejections of me, while the nicest were very firm that they'd never give me a chance because of my body. I'm 23 and I know that that's super young in the scheme of things and that worth doesn't come from people being attracted to you, but the persistent rejection on the basis of my appearance has done a real number on me and my self worth at this point, especially knowing that I'm a trans guy and autistic on top of it which doesn't help people liking or appreciating me. I kind of doubt that anyone will tolerate my body, much less actually like it at this point, so I was wondering if you had any advice because I really like your fat positivity stuff and you seem to be in a very happy relationship. Thanks for any advice you might have!!
Hello!! This is a little bit of a tough question since there is never one perfect solution to social situations like this, but I'll try my best 😅
I think that a really good idea for fat people trying to date is to engage with fat positive communities. For example, my girlfriend found me through my TMA comics, and she was attracted to the way that I draw Martin (that is to say, fat as he should be). We later became friends, and then eventually started dating. In fandoms for media that has good fat representation, you're far more likely to find people who are into that.
THAT BEING SAID, I think this is important for a lot of people but especially fat folks: keep things platonic for a while to get to know the person and suss out whether you can trust them before romance comes up. In fact, I would say to not even focus on searching for romantic partners. Just look for like-minded people who you can be friends/feel safe with, and then eventually romantic feelings might develop. Chubby chasers can be totally fine and safe, there's nothing wrong with having a preference for fat bodies! But fetishism is unfortunately a problem for fat people. Don't let yourself be objectified, unless you're into that (which is totally okay, but REALLY do some introspection to decide whether you're actually into that rather than just tolerating it for the sake of staying in a relationship). You are worth more than someone's fetish. Just because it's harder for us to find partners doesn't mean you should settle for someone who doesn't treat you right.
If you want to go for dating apps or anything like that, be honest about your body. I know there's a temptation to only add headshots in your pictures if you're feeling insecure, but you're far more likely to get hurt that way if you end up matching with a fatphobe. Also, again, take it slow! The most important thing (in my opinion, I'm not an expert) is to make sure you can trust the person before jumping into a relationship.
Also, yes, 23 is super young. Try to resist the anxiety that makes you feel like dating is a rat race! There isn't a set age to find your people or settle down, even if society tries its best to push that on us. Focus on yourself first! Make friends, develop healthy habits (without worrying about weight loss, just being healthy at any weight), and get really into your interests. You'll find your people naturally over time, and romance comes with community. I know this is really annoying and generic advice, but it's just the truth :P The people who are attracted to you naturally gravitate to you when you show your authentic self to the world.
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hp-lonesome-actual-art · 5 months ago
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Another batch or Mr. Puzzles quick sketches. I kept forgetting to draw his side pocket in the last couple ones. Random character featured in the little comic-ish Live Interview is some version of doodlesona. Can’t guarantee the dialogue will be believable/sound in character for Puzzles because honestly I’m still working on understanding his talking style and when he sarcastically jokes around or when he chooses to be serious and drop performance act. But in the off chance you wanna read it goes from left to right with reading
#GUYS it’s so hard drawing a character who uses his hands to communicate 24/7 jksjsksp PLEASE#my brain doesn’t know what pose to put him at any given time because he keeps SWITCHING inbetween words#he’s so animated and that’s why I love him so much expression and emotion in display#but I don’t like drawing hands at any given time if I can avoid it so screw him jskjso#the last two pages I think I’ve started to get a hang of how his expressions operate#still need to see if I can pull off the full range in my own style tho#and yes I inserted my silly doodle sona in the interview segment hello wazzup lol#although it’s very much a caricature because in reality I have no issues being on film. Been doing that since I was a toddler it’s natural#was even in a production class in high school operating camera equipment like I honestly love it#speaking of that art…still trying my best to figure out how his dialogue is meant to sound?#like I’ve always struggled with writing character dialogue I’m unfamiliar with the style of#thing is I’m good at acting the part if you give me a script to follow and example of tone inflections#but writing it from scratch is a whole nother struggle#so I’m sorry if it doesn’t feel on point I’ll try to get better at analyzing his speech patterns#honestly think I made it too formal sounding here? Or jumbled in some parts because I was stumped on how he’d translate thoughts to words#still fun interaction tho!#like I think he’d try his best to drop a few moments of empathy and try to get someone with anxiety to feel comfortable#but he’s also got the ratings to worry about and can’t afford it being ruined by someone’s anxiety hiccup#so kinda treading the line of being compassionate and giving advice to calm them v.s impatience to get the show rolling#or something idk still trying to analyze him and how he reacts to given circumstances#can you tell I think way too deeply about all this trivial stuff?#doodles#sketches
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megacarapa · 1 year ago
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Which tutorials did you find for your gif?? It looks so pretty!
hey thanks anon! how do i say this. the difference between the two gifs isnt really thanks to any tutorial it was just me messing around with the colors in photoshop for the first time, heres the settings i used: brightness +26, contrast +40, vibrance +77
i need you to understand that im a total noob so i have no idea if theres any like standard procedure gifmakers use for making their gifs look so cool, im still figuring it out, the colored gif looks nice on my computer but when viewing on my phone it looks way brighter, i wouldnt say it looks bad but it was something i didnt expect
in case youre interested in gif tutorials just in general here is a few i learned from - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
a lot of these tutorials cover the same ground but i figure if youre interested to learn its good to learn from many sources, but i also dont really follow any of these exactly to a T, i figured out my own way as i learned and ill continue to figure it out
the biggest variety in these tutorials is what program they use to capture the video in the first place, most of these do it by taking screencaps of each frame one by one and i HAVE made a gif like a that a few times by now but i prefer just rendering the part i want to gif in sony vegas and then importing the video to photoshop with file>import>video frames to layers and then cutting down on the frames as is shown in the 2nd link, ive found i like this method but i dunno! maybe theres a reason everyone recommends to take screenshots?? maybe gifs from screenshots look way better idk man im still figuring it out LETS LEARN ABOUT GIFS TOGETHER🫴
also some of these go way more in depth than i am comfortable to even think about yet like in the fifth one when they started pulling out the graphs and charts i was out GDHSBFKF
this got way longer than i was expecting so hopefully i managed to say something helpful in here, its always fun to learn new things, i wish you good luck!
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bbluefllame · 2 months ago
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𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄, 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐒 .ᐟ
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synopsis: the boys taking care of you when you're sick ! (smau + hcs cs I love domesticity and I was listening to w2e and laufey)
chars: keigo takami, touya todoroki, tomura shigaraki
note: I was sick and mentally ill (devastating combo...) so! this was made cs I missed my babies. also, touya being rehabilitated (as always)
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k. takami
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- He rarely ever gets sick, so he gets home and starts panicking when he sees you next to the toilet throwing up and looking like death
- his ass is literally like “I know what to do, don't worry!” while he's running to the kitchen to google what to do before forcing you to chug medicine
- I've never seen someone more overprotective than him when you're sick. He'd be telling you to lay down the second you drag yourself off the bathroom floor
- God forbid you do any work around him, he'd give you the mom stare and tell you to go to sleep (like his ass even sleeps when he's sick…)
- he'd attempted to make chicken noodle soup but failed miserably. He put in too much salt and was like “it's fine, electrolytes are good, right??” Then he gives it to you, and even with broken taste buds, you can tell it's ass😔
- he's trying he swears, he's js not the best at taking care of sick people😔✊️ even though it kinda sucks he does put in a lot of effort and it's honestly pretty sweet even if he fucks up half the time! (When ur better tell him he did well, he'd melt even if he knows he sucked)
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t. todoroki
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- he doesn't know SHIT about being sick, patching up wounds and burns? ez. anything else? absolutely fried, COOKED!
- if ur horribly sick, he'd call his mom and fuyumi for advice. He'd be really aggressive while doing stuff for you, almost like he's mad, but he's not he's js aggressive 😭😭
- sucks in the kitchen, he's trying to turn on the stove but it doesn't work (or so he says), he runs back home and rei gives him a tub of soup to bring to you.
- he pretends he made it btw, reheats it and brings it to you on a tray, then goes “yeah I made it” when you praise him he looks proud and tries to hide his smile as if he fr made it (you know he didn't but ignore it)
- reads to you, don't ask why I think that he js does ‼️ you'd be laying your head on his shoulder and he's reading to you til you sleep (he's so cute clutching my stomach SOBBING)
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t. shigaraki
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- there's touya clueless then we have tomura clueless, tomura was taken care of by kurogiri if he got sick so he wouldn't really know what to do. He'd js try and copy what he remembers kurogiri doing😔 (he's trying his best okay‼️‼️)
- he'd do what you asked no questions, except he usually doesn't know what to do so he's js walking around clueless going “I know how to do this” (he doesn't know)
- unexpectedly, he's actually really good at making soup. He was gonna ask the chefs in the plf mansion, but he decided to try (soup is the only thing he can make without it burning)
- if you said it tasted good, he'd be grinning so hard thinking he's a chef and being all cocky & shi🙄🙄 like it wasn't allat calm down!
- when you came to find him, he jumped cs of how dead you looked and said damn, if u js started cussing him out he'd be stuttering and apologizing while trying not to giggle (beat his ass pls) (he should've stayed lost)
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lonelychicago · 9 months ago
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r/relationship_advice
u/hot_pilot84 • 2d ago
MY (40M) BOYFRIEND? (33M) IS IN LOVE WITH HIS BEST FRIEND (36M) AND IM THE THIRD WHEEL
I'm new to this reddit stuff, but a coworker suggested it, and I thought I'd give it a try. I probably should start saying he's not really my boyfriend??? We just started dating a few weeks ago, and it's been... interesting. But I really like him and he is a nice, sweet guy.
He recently came out, so I've been trying to be patient and understanding. But recently it's been hard to spend any time alone because his best friend is always there.
Now, I also like the guy, so I don't really mind, and to be honest, I kinda suspected from the first moment they were in love with each other. They both talk about each other all the time, and when we hang out together, I can't help but feel like intruding on an intimate moment I shouldn't be part of.
Like, our second date was at his sister's wedding and the best friend spent most of the time glued to our side. He has a son who my date adores, so they danced together for most of the party as well. It was cute, but again: it felt like intruding on a private moment.
Then we had a relaxing night at his place, eating take out on his couch and watching a movie.... when the best friend just, came in. No notice, no knocking. He has a key to the place and he just walked in. It was awkward at first but we insisted it wasn't a big deal so he stayed for tge rest of the night.
By the time I was leaving, my date was telling him to just get comfortable on the couch.
Another thing is. My date? Situationship? I don't know how to call it anymore. Well, I recently found out that he is the legal guardian of his best friend 's kid? In case anything happens? I wouldn’t find this weird at all if it wasn't for the fact this man has parents and sisters and other close family members that also have a less chance of dying along with him on the job. (They work together.)
Also. Recently, the best friend broke up with his girlfiend and called this guy in the middle of our date. So, he crashed again.
All of this to say, I'm not really hurt? This was new and sure, I like the guy. But to be honest my expectations were low. This is fairly recent, so it's not like my heart is broken and I just lost the love of my life. No, that's not the problem.
I just don't think these two know they're in love with each other, and it’s starting to get really uncomfortable for me. Should I say something? Should I talk with my date about it or just break things off and keep it vague, but that we should still be friends? Should I talk with both of them at the same time and confront the situation?
This is a situation I don't even know how to begin to get a handle on. Does anyone know where I should start?
rctherpcliarredditor • commented 1d ago
to be honest, i don't really have any advice for you. i just find this gay drama really hilarious. thoughts and prayers for you, my man 🙏🏼🙏🏼
twohottakes • commented 6hrs ago
definitely have a conversation alone with your date. point all of this out to him and tell him you don't wanna get in the middle if there's deeper feelings involved for someone else. all the luck to you, man!
storyreddit23 • commented 2hrs ago
talk to ur date!! and pls, post an update if u do. i wanna know how this ends.
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so-i-did-this-thing · 25 days ago
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Hello! I just wanted to say I stumbled across one of your posts and ended up looking through the trans tag in your blog for a while and idk it felt so so nice to see a middle aged trans guy just living life and being there for others who are at earlier points of their own trans related journeys, and I hope I can look as awesome as you and be as comfortable in my own skin and style and everything when I'm older.
I guess I also wanted to ask if you had any insight or advice about a couple things, if you're willing to share.. First thing is, did you ever struggle with passing but looking much younger than your age and that somewhat affecting your perception of yourself? I'm 28 and I started T 11 months ago (though at a pretty low dose because I wanted slow changes) and my face just recently started visibly shifting to a more masculine contour and I love it, but I still don't really look like a 28 year old guy.
I've always passed easily even before T but people think I'm like 18-21 max. Things were fine while I was in college (I came out at 19 so for a while my face just felt fitting enough and didn't make me feel either dysphoric or in a weird age limbo) but every year it feels more frustrating and makes me feel sort of alienated from myself including in mental ways, like I'm just a little kid who can't grow up. Like I'll never look like a "real guy" even though I can be stealth because I look like a weird teen and not like a grown up man. It's especially bad when I look at my amab younger siblings who are now also adults and see how I "should have looked" in some other life if I was cis. I guess maybe that's just another manifestation of dysphoria that I didn't have to deal with before? Did you ever experience something like that? And if yes did it get better after some years on T or how did you deal with it?
The other thing is just.. internalized transphobia. It's one thing to know things in a logical or intellectual sense but it's so hard to really feel and believe it sometimes and let go of all the awful transphobic stuff my family said to me during the first years of me being out. I just kept going anyway because I needed to be true to myself and my family basically bullying me wasn't gonna just magically change how I felt about my gender, but what it did do is put my already low confidence and self esteem (in this context regarding my gender) down on the floor. And sometimes I still just think and worry "what if they were right and I was wrong and I'll never be real and valid because of x y z", "what if I'm just delusional", "what if I'm a ridiculous freak". I know, in a way, that no I'm not. I'm just a trans person and they're just transphobes. But feelings like that just get to me sometimes and I don't really know what to do about them even nearly 10 years after coming out. Does that get better at some point? Just like you kinda stop giving a shit what people think about you in general as you get older? But how can you change those internalized views affecting what you think of yourself?
Bit nervous about asking this stuff tbh, so sorry it was so long also sorry if I worded any of it in a not so great way.
I will say though, that seeing older trans people like you does help a little bit. Just makes it feel like "hell yeah I wanna be like him when I grow up". So thank you for showing me that today ;u; (and also for inspiring me to put a little more thought and effort into my styling and fashion choices haha)
Heya, Anon! Let's see what I can cover here:
Looking young.
Oh my god, yes. I was getting carded to buy superglue and spray paint well into my late 30s (I started T at 33). When my partner first asked me out for a date, they were worried I wasn't old enough to drink yet (I was 36).
This is me 1 year on T, age 34.
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Years 6 & 7 (ages 39 and 40), is when I feel I started looking older.
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I feel like it's only been recently, 14 years in at 47, that I look in my 40s, and a "mature" adult. My beard finally getting full helped, as did my receding hairline. And I feel like my skin texture has toughened up enough, to where wrinkles show more.
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That said, yes, it is tough and annoying to deal with. Even when people tell me I look like a particular cis man (where I actually see the resemblance, lol), when I look at us side-by-side, I feel like I'm just a pale shadow of him. I feel jealous and dysphoric, even while I'm flattered by the comparison. I wonder what I "should" look like, and it feels like something has been stolen from me. Its a roller coaster of emotions.
That feeling never really goes away, but you need to afford yourself some grace. You're going to be your own worst critic, and I guarantee you that, of many cis men you grew up with, you can probably still see the kid in them. So of course, you're going to see the kid in yourself.
But, you also just need to let time run its course. HRT is a marathon, and a lot of changes don't really settle for about 5 or 6 years.
I hate to say "enjoy it while you can" because I sure as hell bristled at being mistaken for a teenager or barely 20 when I was in my 30s. But do enjoy what you can of it. Because once you hit middle age, you're going to start dealing with a strange intersection of dysphoria and aging that I myself am still trying to navigate.
One other way I help myself get over negative feelings is to think of how differently my life would have been if I were cis. I honestly worry I would have been a worse person; even though being trans creates a lot of obstacles in my life, I feel like it's been a net gain: being able to know myself so well and help others learn about themselves.
Internalized transphobia
This got better for me with age. My epiphany was that, even over a decade into my transition, I was still softening myself for the benefit of friends and family. I was still using my gender-neutral birthname (I only recently changed it). I would call myself a "person", "guy", or "dude", instead of a "man". I dressed on the young and casual side, eschewing full-on masculine outfits like proper suits with ties.
I only recently pulled myself out of this. It still is a habit-in-progress to refer to myself as a man, even though I have always felt like one. And I've started to dress more vintage, not just because of hyper fixations, but because it's a way to lean into a presentation that is unequivocally, "this is a middle-aged man". And it's done a lot of good for my mental health.
What I'd suggest is to see if you are holding yourself back in any way wrt your gender presentation or how you talk/think about yourself. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge that you are a man, full stop. You're a young man, sure. But still a man, and a full-ass adult at that.
I hope some of this helps. Transition gives us a unique toolset for examining who we are and how we want to move through the world, and that work certainly doesn't end after finally getting on HRT. <3
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pineappleciders · 3 months ago
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I loved your older siblings has, can u do more of them ?? :3
south park main 4 with a stereotypical older sibling reader
A/N: of course!!!! i've actually gotten several reqs to do more of these so i'm gonna do the main 4!!! i hope this is what you meant :D also so sorry for this being super late i have too many drafts
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stan marsh
ANOTHER SHELLY??? pray for him
his friends have seriously been getting annoyed with how much he complains about his older siblings
you don't beat him up as bad as shelly does but you do shove him out of the way and noogie him and all that. you take his hat off and make fun of his greasy hair and he gets super pissy
always angry about how you always manage to woo your parents over. how sharon treats you like an angel when you're actually an evil dick
you and shelly gang up on him all the time LOL you two plan together in your rooms about how to annoy him. like when his friends are over you constantly open the door randomly just to put him on edge
whenever he's having problems with wendy he always comes to you. you always laugh and make fun of him but you actually give really good relationship advice
despite constantly making fun of him and annoying him you actually always have his back?? when he's getting bullied or he feels scared you're always on the person's ass and ready to jump in front of him at any moment
you'd never admit it though. stan is a little shit but he's a funny evil little shit
kyle broflovski
he peeks into a room to see you playing with ike and smiling and laughing and treating him like a little angel and he compares that to how you treat him and he thinks it's unfair
what he doesn't know is that when he was a baby like ike you were constantly cooing at him and carrying him. you think you would die of embarrassment if your parents showed him pictures of you reading him bedtime stories
he thinks you HATE him. like he is 100% convinced that you are out to get him. i mean you kinda are but it's tough love yk
you hide his hat often because you know he would rather die than go to school without it. he gets all pissed and snatches it when he finds it
calls you stupid and stuff like stereotypical sibling behavior but you're really the only grown-up he can trust with issues. sheila is amazing but she has quite a temper,, you're not that great either but you always help out somehow
tattles on you when you do smth he knows ur not supposed to be. he doesn't take immense joy in being a snitch but he thinks you deserve it
eric cartman
he hates you. you're #1 on his shit-list. like seriously be careful
whines and stamps his foot when you aren't a pushover and actually make him do basic things. like how dare you be a normal human being. he hates liane too but he always clings to her when you're around
whenever you see his friends you like to embarrass him by telling them how much of a mama's boy he is. and it doesn't really work because their opinion of him can't get much lower
is constantly plotting on how to get rid of you. sometimes you find papers in his room that are either extremely complicated or super simple plans to kill you
he also tapes threatening letters to your door sometimes. you're not really scared of him, but after the incident with the tenormans, you started locking your door at night..
his friends are actually quite thankful that there's someone to keep eric in his place now. he actually acts... somewhat more normal now. it's frightening how just having an older sibling can keep him in line
although... not completely. he's still a little devil and you pick him up by his scruff like a kitten whenever you catch him plotting.
kenny mccormick
even if you occasionally lock the door on him, and tease him in his stupid little roleplay outfits, he's still quite thankful to have an elder figure in his life who can take care of him.
admittedly, it's very hard to be mean to kenny and karen, so you typically find yourself bullying kevin the most.
it's never mean-spirited though. living in a household like that requires you to stick together, and you honestly wouldn't trade your siblings for the world
you get a job pretty early to start providing for your family, and you're often forced to bring kenny and the others with you to work at your boring cashier job. kevin likes to help out with restocking while karen and kenny play dolls behind the register
you smack kenny upside the head everytime you catch him reading porno mags.
his friends either think you're awesome or think you're lame. depends on how u act and cartman probably lowkey likes you but doesn't admit it cuz ur poor😭😭
even though you're mean to him u and kenny still chill a lot together. he'll always ask about adult stuff like weed but you never entertain his goofy ideas. he might try to act more grown, but he'll always be your baby brother!!!
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venerawrites · 2 months ago
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good morning/evening! first time requesting kinda nervous/hj LMAO
I wanted to know if I could get headcanons for Sasuke, Neji and Kakashi when they find the person they're in love with (but not in a relationship with yet) crying and how they'd react/comfort them and stuff!
author's note: hi, lovely anon! I love your idea for headcanons and I realized how crazy it is that I never wrote any of the characters' reactions to their s/o crying, despite having written so many stuff for them already 😭 I really hope you enjoy and thank you for requesting! <3
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➤ Sasuke
How to say this delicately...
He SUCKS at comforting!
Given his stoic and reserved nature and the fact that growing up he was either a) by himself; or b) surrounded by criminals, the only crying he had to deal with before was the one of his fangirls and he NEVER really cared to comfort them.
So when he saw his s/o crying for the first time it was both awkward and stressful for him.
What was he supposed to say? He didn't want to pressure his s/o to talk about things if you were not yet ready to do so, but at the same time he was dying to know what or WHO made them cry (so he can take care of the problem ASAP!).
He is also not sure what is appropriate? A hug? Holding their hand?
He would probably reluctantly pat their back a few times if his s/o decide to hug him, before removing his hand and just keep it in his lap.
Great listener - his s/o can ramble on and on, and on, and on and he will sit there and listen to EVERY SINGLE word coming out of their mouth.
Not great at giving any advice tho - he would probably just reply with "hm" or "don't be sad".
It's so bad I want to give him a zero, but that is not possible so I give him a 1. (1/10)
➤ Neji
Not that different from Sasuke tbh, but still SIGNIFICANTLY better.
Raised with the idea of having to be stoic and keep his emotions in check, he was never good with his own feelings, let alone those of the people around him.
On top of that the only person he has actually seen crying is Rock Lee, but then again he is often crying, so Neji never actually bothered to comfort him or even ask what is wrong.
Seeing his s/o crying, however, was a completely different experience and he went through a few different stages.
The first one was panic. What was wrong? Why are they crying? Did somebody hurt them?
He would not shy away from asking questions and try to get more information about what or who had upset them.
The second stage is annoyance. If it was a person that caused his s/o to be upset, he would definitely make sure to have a word with them later!
The final stage is gentleness. Neji is a very gentle man, despite his reserve attitude. He would probably not get very physical (unless his s/o is the one initiating the contact), but he will sit close to them and provide a shoulder for them to cry on.
The type of man to give his s/o a philosophical advice and tell them that things "will be alright, because fate always have its own plans".
4.5/10 overall. He is not naturally gifted at comforting, but he still tries hard.
➤ Kakashi
King of Empathy; Emperor of Great Life Advices and the Knight in Shining armour that everyone needs <3
Just kidding... but still, Kakashi is actually great when it comes to comforting his s/o!
First of all, he is a great listener and also knows how to delicate question them without pressuring them or making them uncomfortable.
He would hold his s/o in his arms and let them cry away their feelings without making them initiate the contact first. He would just do what feels right in the moment (which is to hold his s/o close and protect them from the world!).
Gives great advices! In fact, he would know exactly what to say so his s/o realises that they are not alone and they can always rely on him.
Honestly, I think his reaction and next actions would heavily depend on how upset his s/o actually is.
If it is about something minor, he would try to crack a few jokes till he sees a small smile playing on their lips. He would then go: "Here we go! I knew you had it in you to smile. Now let's go and grab some lunch, hm? My treat."
If it something serious, he will just hold them in his arms and encourage them to let out all of their fears, tears and frustration. He doesn't mind spending the whole night comforting them and would make sure to bring them home safe after they fall asleep in his arms.
Would probably give his s/o a gift a few days or weeks later just to make them a little bit happier.
100/10 (but are we even surprised, when everything about Kakashi is 100/10?!)
cc artwork: John Dunham
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ghostgirl-22 · 1 month ago
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Hi! <3 You’re like my favorite writer for Artrick! I swear you characterize them perfectlyyy
I keep thinking about the idea of Art and Patrick going on a date when he’s at Stanford. Like obviously Art wouldn’t admit it’s a date, but I imagine it’s after Art reluctantly admits that he wants to hang with Patrick alone when he comes to visit and that he’s a bit jealous of Tashi. So they basically have an unofficial date night. How do you think this would go, and how would Art go about initiating something physical between them because he’s obviously not gay right?
Okay but you’re actually such an amazingly talented writer and I love your stuff so much! Thanks so much for this request I honestly don’t think I did this ask justice and I’m sorry it was so long but I hope this attempt brings you some amusement <3
CW: 18+ !NSFW! 3.8kish words
—-
It’s not that Art is jealous. He’s not jealous. He’s not. But up until now Patrick’s always called him and stopped by on his little trips to Stanford. It’s not like he expects Patrick to stay long, he knows he’s not the main event… but he at least expects him to come by.
So when Patrick shows up at his door three days later, asking if he can stay in Art’s room, Art tries his best not to express his irritation that he hasn’t once come by his room till now. And it really stings because Art knows the only reason he’s here now is because of the limit on how many days he can consecutively “visit” her dorm.
“You’re saving me man,” Patrick says, patting his arm as he drops his duffle on Art’s designated chair full of stuff.
Art shrugs. “Yeah well. Happy to be an afterthought.” He mumbles.
Patrick raises his eyebrows and then gives him a crooked smile. “You are never an afterthought.”
“It’s fine,” Art says, already embarrassed that he brought it up. “You’re dating Tashi Duncan. It’s totally understandable dude.” He tries to sound nonchalant, hopeful that it’s how he comes across. He feels like he spends so much time these days swallowing down on feelings. Feelings he can’t name, feelings he doesn’t even really understand. None of them jealousy. He’s really not jealous.
He does often wonder what they do alone. He thinks about what they do in bed since the most he really knows is that they’re fucking. He knows Patrick calls her all the time because he doesn’t really call Art that much anymore. They used to sit on the phone for hours, barely talking or talking too much, sometimes till late in the night. The same way they did when they were sharing a room in high school. But gradually it became, Patrick leaving the call earlier and earlier. To Patrick not really calling that often at all.
“You know, you can help me with something actually,” Patrick says, flopping onto Arts bed.
“What?”
“I’m taking her on a date tonight, we’re going to get dinner and see a movie.”
“Oh,” Art says. “What movie?”
“The new Saw movie. What number are they on now? 11?” Patrick laughs.
“Oh I didn’t know she’d like something like that,” Art says carefully.
”Yeah well, she saw the first one and she said liked it. She never got around to the others. I asked her if she’d be scared to see it but she said even if she was… she wouldn’t mind being scared if I was there. Isn’t that kinda… hot?”
Art shrugs again, swallowing it down.
”Sorry, is this hard to hear?” Patrick asks, patting his cheek.
“Fuck off,” Art mutters. “I’m just… I’m thinking about my game on Sunday. I’m not really worried about your relationship actually.” He lies.
“Good cause I was just gonna ask for your advice on what to wear. She tends to dress up for this kinda thing and I don’t want her to be annoyed if I show up in shorts and a t-shirt again.”
“You want me to help you pick out an outfit?”
“Yeah… you’re always put together,” Patrick says.
“All your clothes are tailored. Just pick something.” Art says, dryly.
“Okay but I want to wear something comfortable. Not something that makes me look like I’m about to donate a hefty sum at some stuffy fundraiser.”
Art sighs, “fine what’d you bring? Lay it out.”
Patrick empties his duffle on the bed, everything he has that isn’t training gear, playing gear and t-shirts is all wrinkled but Art has an iron. He helps Patrick pick something out. He’s still irritated, but he thinks he covers it well.
He’s actually stunned by how happy it makes him when Tashi calls and says she has to cancel. She does kids tennis lessons for extra spending money and a client wanted her help to prep for a game in the early morning.
Patrick’s talking to her, his tone understanding making her feel better about canceling last minute and promising to see the movie another time. He’s such a good boyfriend. It’s so weird that he’s not fucked it up by now. Art can’t remember Patrick ever dating anyone this long before.
Art’s sitting on his bed, back up against the wall, kicking his feet over the edge, listening to him.
“Sorry man, you’re stuck with me all night,” Patrick says after he hangs up. He knees the bed and sinks into it, settling down and leaning close to Art, he picks up his half ironed slacks and frowns.
“Mm… why don’t we go out?” Art suggests.
Patrick laughs and so does Art, feeling himself beginning to flush.
“Or… I mean… we could just hang out. Watch Hell’s Kitchen or something,” Art says quickly. He looks up when Patrick doesn't reply and Patrick is staring at him, a peculiar look on his face.
“Fuck it, let’s go out.” Patrick smirks. “You can be my date.”
“Yeah? Why not?” Art smiles. “I mean who says two friends can’t go out for dinner and a movie.”
Patrick laughs a bit, his expression flitting quickly between amusement and something Art can’t recognize. “Mm right. Platonic date night. Here we come. You have something nice right?”
”Yeah,” Art says. “I can wear that one shirt I wore to the awards dinner last year.”
“Oh yeah, you look so hot in blue, wear that,” Patrick teases.
“Shut up,” Art smirks, ignoring the weird feeling that blossoms in his chest after Patrick calls him hot.
They get dressed. Patrick’s clothes fit him so well. He’s in an outfit that might read as casual (fitted t-shirt, slacks, and a blazer) if not for the simple elegance of it all being quietly wealthy.
He’s also got a great body and anything fitted on him is going to bring that out. Art doesn’t think about his body often or anything like that, it’s just something he notices. The sky is blue, water is wet and Patrick Zweig has a great body. It just is.
They go to the movies first. “I prefer that when I go out on a date, so we have something to talk about over dinner or drinks,” Patrick explains as he drives them over to the theater in his jeep. “You know in case the date is boring. Not that that’s ever the case with Tashi. Actually, you know what’s crazy? I feel like she’s as easy for me to talk to as you are.”
“Hm,” Art says, swallowing down on something bitter in his throat. “Well I think you should try to find a balance. Talk to other people. You don’t want to scare her away by only ever talking to her.”
“Oh is that what you think?” Patrick says, smirking. “I don’t only talk to her actually. I’ve just got a lot of pressure on me. The only time I get a chance to rest I’m so exhausted— I got one phone call in me and so you know…”
“Oh,” Art says. “Well yeah I guess that makes sense.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” Patrick asks.
“Mm, I mean… I think I might be interested in this girl on the team. She’s really good.” Art lies. He’s not really interested in anyone and he’s probably wasting his time, thinking more about Patrick and Tashi than he spends thinking about his own social life. He wants her so bad unfortunately every other girl he meets just pales in comparison.
—-
They’re actually on the 4th Saw movie, and it’s as stupid as Art might have expected. They laugh about it over dinner at Applebees. Patrick’s got this pretty realistic looking fake id so he orders a drink and they split it when the waitress isn’t looking. Not that she cares, she’s also a Stanford student. She’s been to a few tennis games to watch Tashi play but she knows Art is the number one singles player on the men’s team.
“You’re really good,” she smiles at him and he can feel his skin flushing as Patrick grins at him from across the table.
”Thanks uh— but Patrick actually plays professionally.” Art says.
“That’s so cool,” she says, she smiles at Patrick and then looks back at Art. “I would love to learn to just hit the ball over the net.” She laughs.
”He can teach you that easy,” Patrick says. Art kicks him under the table and he just grins wider.
“Can you really?” The waitress asks, flipping her pretty blonde hair over her shoulder.
“Yeah I mean… whenever,” Art says, awkwardly.
“Cool, I’ll be back. You guys want anything else?”
Patrick gives Art a meaningful look and then orders a second drink.
“When were you gonna tell me you got number one singles?” Patrick asks, watching her as she walks away.
“I figured Tashi told you,” Art says.
“Yeah but you should have told me,” Patrick says. “She’s hot right?” He adds, gesturing back towards the waitress.
“I mean… I can tell her you think she’s hot,” Art says. “I don’t think she believes you’re actually dating Tashi anyway.”
Patrick laughs, “God you’re such a dick. I meant for you. That would be a fun night.”
“I guess,” Art says, rubbing his palms on his lap. It’s all he has to say for Patrick to keep teasing him throughout the rest of the night, getting her to come back over and flirt with Art. He orders more and more drinks which she happily brings over.
In spite of the teasing, it’s actually really fun. Of course Art has been to movies with Patrick before, even gone out to dinner with him and their friends or family before, but this feels different. Art can’t figure out why… maybe because he gets to be in Tashi’s place. Maybe because it feels like old times.
They probably spend two and half hours in Applebees talking about the movie, high school, tennis, their parents, video games, girls and anything else that pops into their heads. They only leave because its 12 am and the restaurant’s closing. By then they’ve split a total of six cocktails and Art is feeling so tipsy.
“How much is it?” He asks when the waitress brings the bill.
“I’ll take care of it,” Patrick says.
“Dude it’s okay we can split,” Art says.
“No relax, it’s our platonic date night, right?” Patrick pulls out his credit card. “I can give you this though.”
He hands Art the non singable copy of the receipt and on the bottom the waitress left a note: For whenever you decide to teach me how to serve, Jenny. Followed by her phone number and a heart.
“She drew a heart and everything,” Patrick teases.
”It’s for you,” Art says, shyly.
“It’s so clearly for you, Stanford boy,” Patrick smirks.
“We probably have to take a cab home,” Art hiccups. Changing the subject. He does slip the receipt into his jeans pocket though.
“Oh yeah,” Patrick says. “You’re so responsible by the way. I love that about you.”
Art snorts a laugh and Patrick starts laughing too. Patrick leaves a big tip and they call a cab. Art promises to come back with him to pick up his jeep in the morning and they share a cigarette while waiting for the cab. When it arrives they hop in the backseat for the 25 minute ride back to campus.
Art’s feeling sleepy, the combination of food, alcohol and a long car ride is lethal for him. He closes his eyes, head slipping to settle on Patrick’s shoulder. Distantly, he feels Patrick rest a hand on his thigh and he opens his eyes, suddenly wide awake. It should be a nothing feeling but Art goes rigid, he feels it all up and down his spine and even worse, his cock starts to wake up.
“Did you have fun?” Patrick asks, quietly.
“Yeah,” Art says, he stares at the meter on the cab. He feels so dizzy and confused as Patrick’s fingers play a light pitter patter along his thigh.
“I’m sorry I’m not�� free all the time. Like in high school, you know?” His voice is soft, Art can almost feel the vibration of it from where he’s leaning. He can feel Patrick’s breath on his cheek. It makes no sense the way his body is reacting. Maybe he’s drunker than he thought.
“Uh,” Art sits up. “Don’t worry about it. We’re both um— busy.”
“I know,” Patrick says, he’s still playing the pattern on Art’s thigh. “But I feel like I’ve been neglecting you.”
Art feels anxious, he looks up front, he can see the driver glancing back at them in the rear view. “Look… obviously your girlfriend comes first. We can do bro stuff whenever…” Art says as he gently eases Patrick’s hand off his thigh even though it feels nice. His heart is racing like he’s running some kind of marathon he doesn’t know why but it’s probably just the drinks. All the alcohol making his head all fuzzy.
“Yeah,” Patrick sighs. “Bro stuff.” He rests his head against the back of the seat and they’re mostly quiet for the rest of the ride. Arts mind is racing. All he can think about is how close they are but how much it feels like something is slipping away.
The halls are mostly empty as they get back to the dorm. There’s a few students still up. A couple talking softly to each other. One girl on the floor with her headphones plugged in watching something on her laptop. Some guy exits his room, talking on his cellphone as he breezes past them.
“You think I can sneak back to her room or no?” Patrick asks, one arm resting on the door frame as Art leans in to unlock his room.
Art feels his heart still beating oddly fast, probably because Patrick is right behind him. He’s never been able to manage personal space as long as they’ve been friends but right now Art is just so… aware of him. “You can stay here. It’s just one night. I’ll even let you have the bed all to yourself.” Art says.
“It’d be two nights. I leave on Sunday.”
“Okay, two nights then,” Art pushes open the door, breaking the closeness. It feels like a temporary bit of relief.
Patrick follows him in and slips off his shoes. “That’s the one thing I hate about dressing up. Fucking boat shoes.”
Art smiles. “I’m really drunk I think.” He says, kicking off his own shoes.
“Yeah?” Patrick smirks.
“Yeah, I don’t know how I’m gonna make it to practice tomorrow.”
“Isn’t it in the afternoon?” Patrick pulls off his jacket and then his t-shirt. He digs through his duffle for something to put on.
“Yeah but still.” Art realizes then he’s been watching Patrick undress, like he hasn’t seen him butt naked before. He shakes his head and goes to change into his own night clothes.
“Don’t be mad,” Patrick says as Art gets his jeans off.
“What?”
“I think I need a session, maybe I found that waitress hotter than I realized,” he’s in his boxers holding himself. His eyes fall over Art’s body.
Art looks down and swallows. He’s seen Patrick erect before… even touched it… But they were a lot younger last time. They’d actually grown out of doing it in front of each other a long time ago.
But ever since Patrick brought it up that night… ever since they kissed… Art’s mind would occasionally wander to what it might be like to see it again. And now there it was… just… right in front of him. Patrick holding it idly like it’s not ridiculous to be carrying all of that around. Art’s fingers twitch, his mouth is suddenly too wet and he swallows again. The worst part… he’s getting hard.
Patrick sighs. “I’ll go in the bathroom.”
“Um…” Art can hear his heartbeat in his ears, he sits on his bed just because his knees are shaky. “I thought… I think she’s hot too.”
Patrick is still for a moment watching him, before he smiles and approaches Art. “Right? I think it was the skirt. I mean those fucking legs.”
Art nods. He reaches for Patrick. His head is all fuzzy, his ears are ringing and Patrick straddles him on the bed. Art touches it through his boxers. It’s heavy and really, really full.
Patrick eases his fingers into Art’s hair. “And she’s blonde….I think I like blondes more than I should.”
Art grips him properly. It’s not just lengthy, it’s thick. The only thing he can think about is what it might feel like in— in— just in.
He rubs it up and down, like it’s his own. He’s never done anything like this before so he’s shocked when Patrick reacts, “Fuck,” he gasps, this quiet sound that makes Art shiver. Art grabs at the front of his boxers and eases them down, revealing a shock of dark hair and Patrick’s cock as it bobs forward. Circumcised, all pink, and all so real. So much bigger than the last time Art saw it like this.
He leans over and licks at the shaft.
“Whoa,” Patrick breathes and then he chuckles.
“I uh—‘m sorry,” Art looks up at him, anxious that maybe this is too much, too far. That he did something wrong.
“God Art. You’re so fucking…” Patrick breathes and settles down on Art’s lap. He takes Art’s face in his hands and kisses him. Art breathes in as their lips touch. It almost feels the way it felt that night. Something warm, almost on fire. Their chemistry overwhelming.
God, is he into this? Is he into Patrick? He thought it was all because of Tashi but this still feels good even when she’s not watching. And right now Art knows he wants to feel more of Patrick’s tongue. He wants to lick his cock again. His mouth hasn’t really stopped feeling wet, but the kiss feels good in spite of it…maybe because of it. He finds himself exploring every inch of Patrick’s mouth. His heart is still racing. He knows Patrick can feel how hard he is. The way he feels Patrick poking against his stomach. He grips it and gets excited when Patrick hums a pretty little moan.
Patrick eases them out of the kiss and looks at Art, fingers tangled in his hair. His cheeks are all flushed and rosey. His freckles are so vivid up close. He’s actually incredible. “You want to taste it again?” He asks, brushing up against Art’s lips.
“Mmhm,” Art nods.
Patrick takes a deep breath and he actually stands up in front of Art, so his cock is just right in front of Arts face. Art stares at him and nibbles on his thumb. Patrick’s got freckles on his tummy, just a couple spattered here and there. Art wants to lick those too.
He sits up and grips Patrick’s cock again. It feels so warm he must run at a thousand degrees. Art licks at him. He can see the way Patrick’s muscles tense. Hear his little breaths. Art starts licking more. Up and down, all over the length of him. He likes how it feels along his tongue. The heat of it, how soft and solid it is at the same time. He likes the taste and the smell, salty and heady. He sees the pearls leaking from the tip and tastes that. He really likes how it tastes so he sucks on the tip a little more. And it’s all punctuated by the way its affecting Patrick.
“Mm, fuck sweetheart, I know you want to explore but this feels insane.” Patrick breathes. “You’re gonna mess around and make me shove it in your mouth.”
Art feels warm at the way he says sweetheart. And the thought that Patrick might lose control over him.
He opens up and takes in more.
“Fuuckk,” Patrick sighs like he’s sinking into a warm bath. Art closes his eyes and runs his tongue over the length. He’s almost sure he can taste Patrick’s heart beating through it. It feels incredible and Patrick starts moaning for him which makes Art begin to lose himself in it. It’s too big to get it all inside at once but he tries to take a little more. His mouth is so wet that when he pulls back spit drips onto his thighs. He licks and then takes it in again, more this time.
“Oh shit,” Patrick gasps. He starts moving his hips like he can’t control himself and Art needs to grab on to keep him from shoving it too deep. But he likes the sliding feeling as it moves back and forth over his tongue. His own cock is aching. He feels like he might start pushing up against the air too. It’s so hot how he’s the one doing this to Patrick. It’s all him. His mouth. His tongue.
“Can you look at me?” Patrick gasps.
Art hums and looks up as it’s sliding out of his mouth, he takes a small breath before taking it back in again but his mouth starts filling immediately. Art feels it hot and thick slipping down his throat and he starts coughing. Which makes it start spilling everywhere, dripping off his lips and Patrick’s still coming so Art licks around the tip to try and taste it.
“No… wait, fuck, fuck… that’s too sensitive just… relax,” Patrick gasps, breathlessly. He pulls his shorts back up and stumbles to sit on the bed next to him. He rubs his thumb over Art’s messy lips, Art licks at it and Patrick smiles letting him suck it for a minute before pulling it away and sucking it into own mouth. “Come here.” He rubs his thighs.
Art stares at him for a minute and then moves to straddle him. “Sit,” Patrick says, softly.
Art settles on his lap.
“Have you ever done that before?” Patrick asks, rubbing him over his boxers.
“No, is it okay?” Art asks, his voice a little hoarse.
“So fucking okay,” Patrick says and he starts kissing him immediately. It feels so satisfying, rubbing his tongue along Patricks after having a mouth full of him. He feels Patrick’s fingers ease into his boxers, gripping his cock where Patrick starts jerking him off properly. That combined with the stimulation from the kissing makes Art finish embarrassingly quickly all over Patrick’s fingers and in his shorts.
“Mm I need another cigarette,” Patrick laughs, licking his fingers and gazing at Art.
Art swallows hard, mildly panicked now that he’s back in his right mind. He climbs off of Patrick’s lap.
“What?” Patrick asks. ”And don’t say sorry.”
Art bites his tongue and takes a deep breath. “I think I drank too much.”
Patrick grins. “I don’t know. You kinda spilled some of it,” he gestures to Art’s lap, a bit of pearly liquid settled there.
“That’s not funny,” Art says, biting down on a smile.
“Oh it’s really funny.” Patrick says, getting to his feet.
“Where are you going?” Art asks. Strangely enough he just kinda wants to be near him.
“I’m gonna wash my hands,” he says. “And clean up a bit.”
Art bites his lip.
“You want to come?”
Art nods and gets to his feet. “I’ll just brush my teeth and um… change my…” he gestures vauguely.
Patrick smirks and beckons for Art to lead the way. “So,” Patrick says. “Where do you wanna go tomorrow night?”
113 notes · View notes
salmon-bagel · 8 months ago
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Tf2 mercenaries x Seductress! Class! Reader
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Warning: nsfw content, female reader, sexism
Scout
When Scout heard that there's a woman who's a professional at seduction, he had already started plotting.
"Hello, name is Y/n L/n, but you can call me the Seductress. It's nice to meet you."
"Heya, nice to meet cha' mommy- Oh, i mean mommy i mean mommy i mean mommy i mean mommy-"
Constantly hits on you. Scout believes that you're the type of girl that's 'easy', someone who will let anyone bang them regardless of who they are.
That boy isn't going to leave you alone until you let him into your pants.
Even when he's not busy trying to get in between your legs, Scout is asking you for advice on how to woo the ladies. Considering you're a professional at flirting with people.
You go back and forth on giving him good advice and bad advice. Sometimes you feel bad that he can't get a girlfriend. Then again, you think to yourself that no woman should be within three feet of Scout because of how much of a horny asshole he is.
After some time, you did grow to have a soft spot for him. Since he's bullied a lot by the other mercenaries. He can be kinda cute when he's not being a complete jerk.
Soldier
Soldier treats you like the other mercenaries. Ruthlessly bleating in your ear when you're doing something wrong.
"GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED SQUATS NOW! I WANT THAT AMERICAN ASS NICE AND PERKY BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE!"
He wants the best from you. Regardless of your gender, he'll push you to the limit until he's proud enough to call you a warrior.
Soldier tests that you're a good seductress by making you flirt with him. It's an ego boost on his part, but he's genuinely trying to make sure you're hot enough for the enemy.
"YOU CALL THAT FLIRTING!? I'VE HEARD BETTER FLIRTING FROM A MONKEY! AT LEAST THEY CAN PUCKER THEIR LIPS BETTER UNLIKE YOURS!"
Buys you clothing that he believes would work well when you're seducing the enemies. It's always american themed swimwear or lingerie. You began to believe he's just buying that for himself for you to try.
Whenever the team successfully wins for the day, Soldier immediately rushes towards and smacks your ass as hard as he can.
"NOW THAT IS AN ASS I'M PROUD TO CALL AMERICAN!"
Sniper
Sniper believes your work is very unprofessional. Considering he believes you have to whore yourself out to the enemy team. Instead of using your actual skills.
He says he has nothing against prostitution or sex work in general. Sniper just thinks that stuff you do should be kept behind doors and not on the battlefield. He says it causes too much of a distraction. However, you claim that 'distraction' is the point. Sniper doesn't seem to get it.
You honestly could care less what he thinks. Snipers throws jars of piss for a living, and he really thinks he has the right to judge other people?
The truth is you're good at seducing people. Too good. That it distracts him from doing his own job. Sniper has a tendency to watch you through the scope of his gun.
The way your body gets all hot and sweaty from the terrible heat, oh it does something to him. Sniper has imagined licking your sweat off your tits while you degrade him for being such a filthy fuck.
You are his go-to jerk off material. The women in his porno magazines don't get him off like they used. The only way he can relieve himself now is by imagining your fat ass bouncing on his cock.
When he noticed a pair of your panties in the laundry basket, Sniper couldn't help himself to inhale the sweet scent of your panties before putting them back.
Sniper knows he's a damn hypocrite.
He slut shames you for what you do, only to get off to you afterwards. The post nut clarity consumes him with guilt and shame.
Sniper still hasn't built up the courage to apologize to you.
Heavy
Heavy is one of the very few people who treat you like an actual human being. He was raised by a single mother alongside three sisters. Heavy knows to treat a woman right. Less he wishes to face their fury.
Heavy doesn't understand why you seduce the enemy. You're supposed to shoot at the enemy, not bat your eyelashes and wink! However, after watching your work on the battlefield, he gets to more of an understanding.
"Oh, I see. You lie to enemy and lure them in like fish? HA! Very clever!"
Absolutely loves gunning down the enemy that is distracted by you.
Is one of the few men who genuinely falls for you for your personality. Heavy knows you're drop-dead gorgeous, but he knows that beneath all that beauty is a truly intelligent woman. You earned your place on the team by impressing Mann Co., with your skills instead of batting your eyelashes and begging to be a part of the team. You make his heart swoon like no other woman has.
He likes to write you poetry. It helps convey how he feels for you because he's too bashful to put it into simple words.
Heavy is not afraid of anything. Nothing, not even death itself. However, it took him a lot of courage and constant rehearsal to ask you out on a date.
He hopes to start a genuine relationship with you. Heavy doesn't want a one-night stand or be friends-with-benefits with you. He wants you to be his girlfriend and maybe possibly his wife later down the line.
Engineer
"Well, I'll be! Aren't you the prettiest thing I've ever seen."
Engineer is taken aback by your good looks and sauve personality. He genuinely questions why you wanted to be a mercenary. A beautiful lady like yourself is too of high risk to get hurt!
Will always be there to help you if it gets too much for you to handle.
However, he can be very overprotective over you on the battlefield. Engineer thinks it would be safer for you to stay on the rancho relaxo than getting shot at by the enemy. As much as you'd like to not do anything on the job, Mann Co. isn't paying you to be lazy. They see everything and will tell you to get off your ass and start fighting.
You have to beg Engineer that you can do it on your own. He understands your point of view and begrudgingly lets you fight with the others. Even if it means going against his code of defending and protecting a lady when she needs it.
While putting up dispensers and sentries, he can't help to admire you from afar. Engie believes that a guy like him has no chance with a girl like you. What woman would be interested in a bald man who has a robotic hand and locks himself away in his work? No gal that's who.
Engie fantasizes about working up the courage to flirt with you and ask you out, which would eventually lead to a rather sensual night spent together. He did try to ask you out once but miserably failed. Engie kept stuttering and mispronouncing words out of nervousness while attempting to seduce you. You couldn't make out what he was trying to say. Thankfully, Demo had the heart to pull Engie out of that mess of a conversation and save him from further embarrassing himself.
So now, he just admires you from afar. Dreaming that one day he'll get to win your heart.
Spy
Surprisingly, he wants to get to know you as soon as possible. It's not every day you get to meet a lovely lady.
When he learns of your class type, oh boy, this man will make you question if you're even meant to be the Seductress.
"Mademoiselle, you are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid my eyes on."
"Do you know why they call Paris the city of love? Why don't I take you there and show you?"
"If the verb ‘to love’ didn’t exist, I would have invented it upon seeing you."
Spy leaves your entire face red and completely frozen after he's done talking to you. He's so flattering and charismatic. In comparison to the other men, he makes it seem like they're not trying at all. It isn't their fault, though, Spy is a natural at wooing the ladies.
You're surprised when Spy gifts you things that you really like. You never shared these intimate details with him before or with the other mercenaries. When you asked him how he knew what you specifically liked, Spy merely winks at you and grins. He has a way of receiving information without anyone knowing.
He has a tendency to kiss the back of your hand whenever you two are greeting each other. Spy is a gentleman and can't help himself to be sweet to a beautiful woman.
When Spy asks you out on a date, you agree to it because you have been meaning to go out. You felt like you'd go insane if you stayed in the base any longer. You put on your best dress and left with Spy into town.
After having a nice meal and a few glasses of wine, both of you give into temptation. Spy could hardly keep his hands off you when he drove you both back to the base. All your clothes came off the moment you reached his bedroom. You found it a little strange he refused to take off his mask. Oh, what the hell. He's hot and treated you to a nice date.
In the morning, you receive uncomfortable stares from the other mercenaries. Let's just say you and Spy weren't exactly quiet during your lovemaking. Unfortunately for the others, you decided Spy would become your fuck buddy.
Medic
He's been meaning to include a female subject in his experiments- I mean, he's glad to meet you!
You try your best to steer clear of him. However, on the front lines, it isn't so easy. When you're constantly getting shot at and stabbed by enemies, you'll need the Medic's help to get better.
When he sees you in action, Medic feels a new emotion that he's never felt before. Is this.. love? Maybe it is. Or maybe it's just lust.
Medic has never been infatuated with any woman. Except you. The way you lure in these pathetic men with your good looks and false promises, only to kill them afterwards- oh God, it makes him giddy. He feels like a schoolboy all over again!
Medic does routine check-ups on you. To make sure all your lady parts are in working order. In reality, this perverted fuck wants to have an excuse to grope you. Always gaslights you into believing he's not being a degenerate.
"Is this really necessary?"
"Why, of course! Breast cancer isn't something to take lightly!" He'd respond. You would understand, but after thirty minutes of him fondling your breasts, you knew what his true intentions were.
Medic writes you love letters and his dove, Archimedes, deliver them to you.
The letters start off relatively sweet. Medic writes that he views you as a Goddess, a truly ethereal being that is too perfect for this world filled with lesser mortals. And how he's the only man truly worthy for you.
Then, the letters take a complete turn the more you read it. He writes how he wishes to fulfill every filthy fantasy he's ever had with you. Oh boy, the list is long. For one, Medic wants to tie you down, gag you, and breed you like the filthy whore you are. Another consited of how he wants to fuck you on the battlefield while you're bleeding out and fingering your open wound as if it was your pussy.
You've stopped reading his letters and tend to light them on fire.
Demoman
"So, how much do you regularly charge for a quick shag?" He'd ask you before laughing his ass off.
Demo will never take you or your work seriously. Even if you politely ask him to.
He doesn't see what's so hard about showing off your tits and saying how much you love to suck cock. Demo believes you should've been a stripper if you wanted to tease men so desperately.
You frequently explain to him in detail how you help and provide for the team. You honestly can't tell if Demo deliberately forgets or because he gets drunk so often, he hardly pays attention to you while you talk.
Don't worry, though. After you've instilled the fear of women into him, he'll be gladly reminded that he shouldn't judge or ridicule a woman. If his mother were here, she'd knock some sense into him.
Demo apologizes to you, drinks, gets drunk, and apologies some more
"I'm sorry, lassie! It's just that I just get so lonely sometimes! What woman would give me, a one-eyed freak, a chance!"
He bawls on the floor, crying in front of you. You attempt to cheer him up by comforting him. Instead, you end up getting drunk with him.
Did you shag him in the heat of the moment? That's all up to you ;)
Pyro
Has no idea what you're doing to the enemy. Anything sexual you do is translated as innocent in their vision. Will never know what real seduction or sex.
Luckily, they think everything you do is nice and polite!
Regularly gives you grotesque gifts, which are usually human hearts and bones. You begrudgingly take the gifts because you know they mean well and don't wish to be disrespectful.
Pyro has a tendency to go through your closet when you leave your room. Or while you're sleeping. Either why, they steal your clothing and belongings. They pick out outfits and wigs they like along with makeup supplies. You wonder where you placed your dress and immediately begin searching for it. Maybe you left it in the laundry room. As soon as you exit your room, you see Pyro wearing your clothing over their suit. Fake eyelashes have been glued onto their eyes, and lipstick smeared all over the breathing hole.
You can't even be upset with Pyro. They're doing their best.
You let Pyro keep the dress they're wearing, considering it most likely wouldn't fit you anymore.
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shelbgrey · 9 months ago
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can you do a mark sloan x reader sfw/nsfw hcs , and can she be richard webbers god daughter
please & thank you!<3 you write such amazing works
Mark Dating Richard's god Daughter headcanons
Paring: Mark Sloan x Webber!Reader
Summary: headcanons about Mark Sloan dating Richard Webber's God Daughter. -SMUT warning
MasterList ML2
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You are Richard and Aele's god Daughter. They adopted you after your parents died in a car crash.
Richard has always been a father to you, but you call him uncle Richard.
You wanted to be a doctor like Richard for as long as you could remember. You worked hard in medical school and soon enough you were in the same intern class as Miranda Bailey.
Bailey is your best friend and has threatened Mark’s life if he hurts you.
Derek thinks it’s funny that Mark started dating you after Webber tried to say it was nothing personal when he hired Mark.
Richard notices how Mark looks at you almost immediately and he absolutely hates it. He thinks Mark is just looking for a one night stand, but that’s not true.
“I want you to stay away from him. There’s a reason the nurses formed a anti-Mark club”
But what your uncle said went in one ear and out the other. Honestly Richard couldn’t blame you. He knew what it was like to be in love with someone you couldn’t have.
Speaking of Love, you didn’t find out about Richard and Ellis till your intern year when Ellis showed up at the hospital with Alzheimer. You and Meredith became close friends through this situation.
You couldn’t really stay mad at Richard since it was a long time ago, but it still hurts that he could do something like that to Adele.
“It's kinda funny in a dark way, the two most important men in your life are both man whores” Bailey said, she was your person and she could say stuff like that to you without getting mad.
You know Richard and Bailey are close, but whenever they have a petty argument you're taking Bailey’s side. Yes, she's smug about that.
Adele gets mad whenever either one of you tatel on Richard. You may get annoyed, but she’ll drive down to the hospital whenever you need something.
You think it's hilarious when Adele yells at Richard like he's a child. She’ll definitely do it to Mark too if she has too. “Out of all the petty, ridiculous, infantile.. Are you running a hospital here or a playground?”
“Adele..” Richard started. “Playground or Hospital, Richard?!” Adele yelled and Mark snickered as Richard mumbled, “Hospital”
“Apologize to our goddaughter right now” Adele scolded, Making Mark hide his laughter in your shoulder. “Sorry” Richard mumbled.
“Not to complain or anything Aunt Adele, but that’s not a real apology” you said with a smirk.
“That is not an apology! You give an apology you mean, because if i have to drag myself down here though rush hour traffic again, to police this damn Jungle Gym..”
“You made your point Adele” Richard sighed. Adele huffed and turned to you. “Love ya aunt Adele”
“Love you too, Dear”
Mark and you both gave Derek crap when Richard and Derek were living together. “Derek is dating your uncle Richard”
“I am no!”
Richard does his best to be nice to Mark, but he wants to protect you from him. Especially when he found out he slept with Addison.
He definitely used his ‘Chiefʼ voice when he threatened him about dating you. “If you hurt her. IF you cheat on her, even the morgue won't be able to identify you. Are we clear!?”
“Yes!.. Yes sir”
Adele loved him when she was still alive. “RIchard you be nice to him he’s part of the family now”
Mark comforted you when Adele started getting Alzheimer. Adele was the closest thing you had to a mother, so it hit you hard when she died.
Mark had gotten close to her as well. Mrs. Shepherd was like a mother to him. Yes, when he started dating you Adele was constantly in his life. She gave him relationship advice and was like the aunt he never got.
Then Catherine showed up. She really didn’t like you or Mark that much. She had a problem with Mark because she thought Jackson was wasting his time in plastics then she just thought Richard ‘babyed’ you too much.
“You mom is banging my Uncle” you said bluntly to Jackson.
“The Chief banged my mom too” Meredith said, thinking it’ll make Jackson feel better.
Richard walking you down the isle on your and Mark's wedding.
NSFW Headcanons:
These are from the original mark HCs I posted a couple of days ago... Sorry. If you want all of them go to the original HC post.
He’s an expert at foreplay. He’ll spend as much time as he can trying to get you hot and bothered or worked up.
He's definitely the dominant person in bed and your not complaining, he'll get rough and pound hard enough were the bed starts rocking.
Mark loves bitting your neck just to hear you moan. When you finally give in to him, he'll lay you down on the couch or bed and start pealing your clothes off to reveal your chest.
The sex maybe rough, but Mark isn't not big on insults. He refuses to degrade you and will only use sweet words.
He has big chocking kink, he won't be too rough about but he loves wrapping his fingers around your neck and feeling your pulse when he's ramming into you.
Loves eating you out,your legs around his head. He loves your legs in general and loves leaving kisses on the insides of your thighs. He'd rather pleasure you for hours than receive.
There's also a tone of jealous sex. If he sees Alex shamelessly flirting with you expected to be tied to bed as fucks your brains out. If he sees Jackson touch you in a way thats reserved only for him you’re pinned against the wall.
This man is amazing when it comes to aftercare. He knows exactly what you need. After your both cleaned up, he'll pull you to his chest to cuddle.
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naturesapphic · 5 months ago
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Yn having depression and thought and Billie helping her cuz she been trough that too
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Headcannon: billie helping you through depression and anxiety
Billie eilish x fem!reader
Warnings: mental health
- Billie understood how you felt and what you were going through
- she hated that you are feeling what she used to feel so deeply a while back
- at first you were kinda distant but eventually you opened up to her
- she was and is here now for you always
- if you need someone to rant to? Go to her. She will always listen
- if you need advice? Ask her and she will try her best to help you
- if you just need a shoulder to cry on? She will be there in a split second.
- Billie completely adores you and wants you to be okay
- she even got you your own journal so you can write down your thoughts
- one time it got really bad and Billie stayed at your house for days because she was worried about you and what you may do
- she knew your thoughts were getting bad but she didn’t think it would escalate
- but that didn’t stop her for being there for you
- when she was away she would always leave you with your favorite clothes of hers drenched in her perfume
- she would also call you as much as she could because she knew how you preferred it over texting
- while she was away, every night you put on her music to help you fall asleep
- because Billie, if you ask her, would sing you to sleep and it always help you fall asleep no matter how you were feeling
- Billie knows how bad you overthink and it never bothers her
- if you need reassurance she will give it to you gladly
- she will even give you random reassurance out of nowhere but it makes you oh so happy
- when days get extra hard she will make you get up and do stuff, even if it’s the small things like brushing your hair, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, eating/drinking, etc.
- on these off days, she will do the things you like doing like, bake with you, play guitar/piano/ukulele, go on a drive with you, play with shark, etc
- she is constantly taking care of you and you make sure that even though you feel like shit that you are taking care of her
- she always reassures you that you are and that you are the best lover
- overall billie is the best person to be with when you are going through these emotions and she knows how you feel by heart
A/n: I turned these into headcannons because I feel like I could explain them better plus I didn’t know exactly what to write so I just did this. Sorry if it’s all over the place lol. I hope the anon and the rest of y’all enjoyed it! Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all :)
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melsbabydaddy · 3 months ago
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nsfw slc headcanons cause it’s 3 am and im restless 👍
+ these are all completly self indulgent and i can have fun cause i can
warnings: nsfw talk (mdni), slight mention of weed and alcohol, talk of several kinks, i wrote this for myself
abby -
human embodiment of “damn u on the edge of the bed u bout to fall off”
she gets sooooo nervous and fidgety
easily flustered
but i feel when she gets used to someone, she gets more confident. she’ll be more likely to engage in stuff.
her strap hangs
not really kinky but likes hair pulling (both giving and receiving)
probably also something to do with spit
loves the bond of having sex, being so close and vulnerable with someone
her head game is immaculate 100/10
talks them through it in that low, breathy voice of hers
owen -
despite what most think, i don’t think owen is bad in bed lol
boat scene was at a really inconvenient time and a spur of the moment
normally, he’d be very careful when with someone, last thing he wants to do is hurt them
def makes cheesy jokes and gives sappy compliments while doing it
eye contact is everything to him
gives a lot of neck and chest kisses
likes when his back gets all scratched up during
does it deep and slow until he’s about to cum then he kinda rabbit fucks cause it feels so good
the aquarium is his favorite place cause it’s safe and romantic
prefers making love over just fucking
manny -
man has experience
whispers and moans in spanish, mainly cussing and praise
has a tongue and fingers that have people seeing stars
a considerate gentleman
has a whole box of love letters from his various partners
very big on consent, never wants to pressure someone into doing something
either has a good supply of protection (if it’s somehow available in the apocalypse) or has the strongest pull out game ever
will never turn down a blowjob and always returns the favor
long, breathless moans when he cums and his body always completely stills
gives the other crew members sex advice
mel -
could never fuck while a dog was in the room, especially alice
big giver, often forgets about her own pleasure cause she so focused on the other person
so squirmy when she gets head, literally have to hold her down by her hips to hold her still
lowkey probably has a breeding kink
not in a freak way but in a “i like the bond of family and crave the security” type of way
gasps and squeaks more than actual moans cause she afraid of being too loud
alcohol makes her flirty and frisky
secretly likes being bent over and flipped around like a doll
cums super easy, like to the point she’s embarrassed
squirter
nora -
focuses more on her job but every woman has needs
fucks causally and tends to avoid romance cause that’s too much drama for her
very direct and honest about this
likes to be worshiped
will do it back, but she expects it first and they have to earn it
loves riding someone’s face, enjoys having control as she gets eaten out
fucks slow but hard
quickies in the med tent when it’s empty
low, raspy praises and directions
usually gone by the morning after a one night stand
jordan -
canonically grunts a lot and is loud
does not care one bit that people can hear
eats pussy for his own pleasure, often causing overstimulation
likes having his hair touched, tugged on, and petted
praise gets him weak, tell him he’s good boy and he fucking melts
will never admit that to anyone
whimpers and gasps when he cums, also bucks his hips a lot
likes it rough and hard unless he’s feeling lovey, than it’s fast and passionate
deep, messy kisses
has taken the strap before and loved it
leah -
also canonically loud
probably a loud moaner and a screamer if it’s real good
100% takes dirty pictures and keeps them under her bed and uses them to masturbate
loves having her tits sucked on
very experimental and likes to try new things she sees in old magazines and movies
queen of giving aftercare
covers her partner in hickeys, wants to mark them everywhere
absolutely feral when ovulating
cowgirl position is her fav
can cum like 15 times in a row
nick -
loves slow, hip rocking fucking
close, tightly pressed, skin against skin is the best for him
cockwarming >>>
lots of low grunting and moaning
says “just the tip” a lot and it never is
the beanie stays on
thinks fucking while high is best thing in the world
def fucks on really slow patrols and stake outs
always finishes on the chest or in between the thighs
has been in a surprising number of threesomes
pls tell me if u like this so i can have an excuse to write and post more 🙏
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sammiesallow · 2 years ago
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Sebastian Sallow headcanons
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summary- dating headcanons with Sebastian. a/n- all my personal opinion! cw's- mentions of violence/blood, use of crucio, angry Sebastian
the jealous type. we all know this.
he gets so jealous when you spend time with Garreth, but then you reassure him it's ok :)
"I could never replace you with anyone else seb, you're my pretty boy"
melts at that btw.
nicknames galore!! he wants to call you everything and he expects it back from you too
'angel, darling, honey, sweetheart, pretty boy.
"you think I'm pretty? really?" "of course I do, Seb."
he gives you the most blinding smile you have ever seen. absolutely adorable
y'all are so loving?? he is definitely a lover of pda, doesn't mind holding hands, a hand on the thigh(not in an intimate way, just for some physical touch :D), a kiss on the cheek, etc.
Sebastian is always touch-starved and craves attention from you. even a look in his direction or a "Hi Darling!" as you're passing him in the hallway will have him smiling like an idiot for the rest of the day
more intimate moments are shared in private, however, like in the undercroft.
Merlin knows those paintings, gargoyles, suits of armor, even the floo flames lady will eavesdrop on y'all and tattletale to a professor if you do anything more than share a kiss on the cheek.
Sebastian loves you with all his heart. he couldn't bear the thought of you getting hurt or worse
every time you leave the castle, please send him an owl. it lets him know where you're going and it tells him you're safe.
he's worried sick if you come back with even the slightest scratch.
"Merlin's beard! darling, are you alright? are you hurt anywhere? do you want me to kiss it better???" he says as you come into the undercroft with one scratch on your face LOLL
it's all fun and games until someone hurts you. let's say you're on a quest together, somewhere in a cave and you two get ambushed. it would probably go like this:
"Diffindo!" an Ashwinder threw out the spell in your direction, hitting your abdomen and leaving a large gash in its wake. Sebastian yelped, not having noticed your state, and threw a quick "arresto momentum!" in the enemy's way to stall their time. "merlin! are you alright-" Sebastian stopped all movement when he saw you- you were hunched over in pain, groaning as you tried to stop the bleeding coming from the gash on your side. At that moment, he felt nothing but pure and unbridled rage. "you BASTARD!" Sebastian turned to the Ashwinder, (who was quite literally about to cast Avada kedavra on him) and cast crucio. nobody touches his girlfriend.
that's definitely one of his red flags.. he has anger issues, and won't hesitate to hurt someone if they hurt you. it's kinda endearing though
speaking of red flags- I'm not gonna ignore them? we all love him but he does have negative traits that will show through in y'alls relationship.
He's overly possessive and gets super upset when another boy tries to flirt with you. if you don't say something to the guy- sebastian will; and i dont think you want that.
he's not very in-touch with his emotions. he has a hard time expressing his feelings because of a) his insecurities and b) his ego.
but on a more positive note, you help him through these things!
meeting ominis and becoming friends with him gave you the opportunity to ask another person about sebastians troubles, and you can confide in him for advice when you need it!
you're sebastian's sunshine- quite literally. you help him through his tough times, and on a regular day, you brighten his mood imensely.
ON TO THE CUTER RELATIONSHIP STUFF!!!
HE WANTS TO CUDDLE YOU.
if he's tired he becomes 100% more affectionate- which means cuddles in the undercroft, his head on your shoulder in class, a hand on your under the table at dinner, etc.
Sebastian isn't the brightest, but if he has a class with you, he'll listen to anything you have to say.
he adores your smarts- whether or not you're actually smart is up to you, but it's not like he'll care. you could be the dumbest mf in the world and he'll still be proud of you!
he's your cheerleader! in crossed wands, the broom race against imelda, summoner's court, even an arm wrestling contest, he's there to cheer you on
it's because he never had someone to do that for him- losing his parents at such a young age, he didnt have cheerleaders to be proud of him through his achievments, so he does it for you!
in return, you take him on cute little dates!
little picnics in the vivarium are his favorite. he loves the feeling of laying of the grass and cloudgazing with you.
you know he needs to relax- so it becomes a regular thing for you two to sneak off to the room of requirement.
the undercroft is still a regular hang-out, usually used for absolute tomfoolery.
i mean, you sebastian and ominis will have stupid competitions all the time.
"let's see who can cast confringo the farthest!!" "Sebastian no!!" "Sebastian yes!"
chaos trio.
more importantly, chaos duo.
you enable his stupid ideas and make sure that he does them safely.
unless it's something stupidly unsafe- then you'll have to lure him back to the undercroft with cuddles and kisses. <3
A/N- MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!! pls send me ideas!! :)
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rindouheart · 1 month ago
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Rindou & Wakasa hc’s or fluff?
‎‧₊˚✧ RINDOU and WAKASA random fluffy hcs
cw. none, pure fluff + neutral pronouns used.
notes. hi anon! tysm for the request! i’ve personally never written for wakasa but i’m willing to take on the challenge, while rindou is basically my husband sooo yup. here you go with some random fluffy hcs, i really hope you like them!
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‎‧₊˚✧ rindou haitani
he is the type of guy that would fall in love with his childhood best friend. even better if he hasn’t seen them in some years and he just goes “:o”when he sees their glow up.
he tends to keep his crushes private because if ran discovers them he will TEASE the fuck out of his younger brother.
okay this is quite random but he is into kpop and collects albums. if you’re also interested in kpop, he will trade photocards or every other collectible with you (he will give you your bias’ items).
he absolutely adores when you compliment his tattoos.
he loves to show off his tattoos on social medias. he probably has an instagram stories highlight where he posts only tattoo-related stuff.
despite his love for tattoos, i sense that he’s against couple tattoos. he defines them “cringe”.
i’ve mentioned that he would fall in love with his childhood best friend and now i’ll also add that his confession would be a drunk one.
he loves taking mirror selfies with you. he would also try different angles and poses: his arm around your waist, you leaning on him and similar.
he is a caring and observant boyfriend. he hasn’t been voted as one of the best boyfriends by accident.
he is a very good listener and is also capable of giving you really great advice.
he always notices when you’re struggling or feeling bad, and he always asks you if there’s something he could do to help you.
please accept his help or he will feel useless (asking him a cup of water works well if you’re not willing to share with him what’s happening)
this man doesn’t let anyone disrespect you.
please keep an eye on him because he’s willing to go to jail to defend you.
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‎‧₊˚✧ imaushi wakasa
his trope is rivals to lovers. i don’t make the rules.
he would probably meet his soulmate at a gym. it doesn’t have to be his specific gym, but also a swimming pool or whatever place a person might go to do some work out or training.
also rivalry doesn’t have to be kickboxing or martial arts related. any kind of sport or training works well for him.
i sense that he is competitive, even if he seems uninterested and bored 101% of time.
he will see everything you do as a challenge for him. you’ve done 3 reps? he’s doing 4. you’ve completed your treadmill run? he’ll run for an extra ten minutes. you’re stretching? he’ll try his best to stretch himself even further.
sometimes he works out with benkei and omg he’s going to witness all of this dumb romcom shit, save him.
he’s trying to be noticed SO HARD.
first date = bar or pub getting kinda drunk.
like rindou, drunk confessions! yippie!
he will ask you if you want to try dyeing your hair. he has extra blond and purple dye, so, if you ever feel the need to change your look, here you go.
he is always touching you in some way: arm over your shoulders, arm around your waist, hand holding… also touching your legs under the table is a must.
if you don’t like physical touch just tell him, he won’t be offended.
i see him as the type of boyfriend that brings you snacks as a gift. enjoy your candies, chocolates and lollipops.
rarely posts on social medias, so not many people know about his relationship status. “who cares about my Instagram profile anyway?” – wakasa.
he’s going to introduce you to all of his friends. congratulations! you’re promoted to the “bro” status.
i can definitely see him calling you “bro”.
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— rindouheart’s headcanons : don’t steal / repost / claim as yours | 20241118
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traegorn · 2 months ago
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So when I do finish this book I am writing (speaking it into existence bc adhd is a BITCH) Like what's your experience with publishing? How much does it usually cost? What kinda income does one get? I don't really care about making money but it would be super neat to make something since I cannot work. How do taxes work on that also? Google is confusing me
So far i have an idea and half a first chapter with thrilling notes such as " add a cat" and "insert spell here"
So I self publish, so that's the world I know. If you want to find a traditional publisher, you'll need to query agents and do a bunch of other stuff. My only advice for traditional publishing is that when going that route, money should always flow towards the author. If they're asking you to pay for something, they aren't a traditional publisher and there's a good chance it's a grift.
So let's talk about what I do know.
(And this turned out to be long as hell, so I'm putting in a "keep reading")
When you self publish, you are effectively acting as the publisher. If you want someone to do edits? You'll have to hire an editor. If you want someone to do the book layouts? You'll have to hire someone to do it if you can't do it yourself. You need a cover? You get the idea.
Now I don't pay an editor, so I can't really give you a price range on how much they cost off the top of my head. I do know they can get expensive though.
I also do all my own interiors, but I have a graphic design background and have been doing print layouts for decades. If you want to hire someone to do the interiors, that can run you $100-500, so I recommend just... learning to do it yourself.
Frankly, it's not terribly hard. I do mine in Apple Pages on my Mac for my paperbacks and Amazon has a free program for formatting eBooks (which you can export both as the Kindle format OR the more universal ePub format). With your print version, you just want to make sure you get your margins right, along with using a standard font like Times New Roman.
Like, literally just pick up a book and study the layout. Look at the front matter (copyright page, title page, etc) of a handful of books and mimic what you find there. I don't know why so many self published authors get that bit wrong. It's a book. Format it like a book.
Now the cover... this is where you'll probably end up spending something. I do my own covers for my comics, but hire out for my novels because I can't do the kind of covers expected of my genre. And you do want to match your genre, because you want a potential reader to know what they're getting into. I've seen so many self published books with terrible covers and it drives me nuts.
Cover design can run you anywhere from $35-$400 depending on who you choose to contract, and this is where I recommend you spend your money. On the cheap end you have companies like GetCovers. Now they primarily do covers made from edited stock photos, and I've honestly been pretty satisfied with their work... but you have to hold their hand and be very clear with what you want.
GetCovers is a part of Mibl Group, and it's pretty much all of their most inexperienced employees. The whole point of it is to get them the experience to work on bigger projects down the road. They have cheaper packages, but for their best work you'll probably only spend like $35-$45. If you're working in a genre that mainly uses stock images, that's who you want.
I often end up retouching the covers they do though, because I'm impatient. Like there are edits to The Witch and the Rose and Shadowcasting I made after they handed me the completed files. You're going to have to be very specific with what you want. The first version of the Bloody Damn Rite cover they did... was awful. But they did the revisions I asked for, and the version they delivered in the end was great.
Now if you want, like, original art or just more complicated, custom stuff? You're looking at at least $250 on the cheap end, but sometimes you end up in the ballpark of $700-$1000. Like on their regular site (just to use the same company as GetCovers for comparison), the Mibl group charges like $300 for a more complicated stock photo based cover (that requires more complicated edits) and at least $700 for covers that require digital painting, 3d modeling, etc.
There are a wide range of prices depending on what you're asking for. But, y'know, you're paying that once for a commercial piece of graphic design.
I'm cheap and can do some of the work myself, so I go for the $35 cover. I also figure out what fonts they used for the covers, so I can go buy my own commercial license for them and replicate a similar logo on my title page. You don't need to do that bit, I'm just finicky.
Actually publishing the book is easy. You'll want to use a self publishing platform like Kindle Direct Publishing or IngramSpark (or, if you're like me, both). I sell KDP books on Amazon, but all other distribution is through IngramSpark. You make more money on Amazon by using KDP, but even though they offer distribution, no book store will ever order through them. So I turn that option off, and then I take the same book and I make it available through IngramSpark.
On amazon I make a little more than $2 on a $3 ebook, and about $4.00 on a $12.99 paperback. When a bookstore buys an IngramSpark version, I make about $2.50 on a $14.99 book (if you wondered by my books cost more when not buying it through Amazon... that's why). Now if you buy yourself author copies, they cost way less -- in the end I think I can get them for like $5 a book? So when I sell them in person, my margins are much higher.
But, y'know, you have to actually sell them.
Because that's the hard part. When self publishing, you only have you to market it. I don't know how many books I'd be selling if I didn't have a pre-existing audience -- and even then it's not a huge amount. I've sold about 200 books this year? Which isn't nothing, and I appreciate every single person who's purchased one of my titles, but it's obviously not enough to quit my day job for, y'know?
That said, I've known people who do sell enough to make a steady living. So it's possible for sure.
But it's not going to happen overnight, and it won't be easy.
As for taxes, you'll need a 1099 and do stuff with the Schedule C. I always forget exactly what until I'm actually doing them, but it's not super hard, just annoying.
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