#It's 2:37 AM and I read both of those fics...I need to sleep

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

I read...both fics...the first one was more mild because it's supposed to be more fluffy but I'm weirded out so much...

And the second one...the second one...I have no fucking words...it's so fucking horrible, I feel so sick...I know it's a real life occurrence where a parent takes advantage of their child in a sexual way but...omfg. Thank GOD I had this cursed UTAULOID video playing to keep me a bit sane but still...I didn't read almost all of it because some of the parts were so awful I had to just skim over it. It really is a "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" fic...I need a bath.

And the author of that one is kinda...rude...? It's just omfg what did I just read? It's too late in the night for this, y'all...

Edit: I know it's because I'm on my period and I'm very emotion, but I feel like crying from absolute pain and horror

Okay....SO– I got curious because this is a tag for some fucking reason on Ao3 and...there's actually TWO fics of it...

*inhales and exhales*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hides face with hands*

*removes hands from face*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S STILL THERE NOOOOO!!! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!! MAY CHRIST COMPEL YOU!!! *throws holy water*

[warmcookiepuff]

Bakugou realizing that sometimes, bad things happen to good people

About: his s/o opens up to him about their trauma

Warning(s): mentions of trauma, slight angst, few curse words because Bakugou

Include(s): gn! reader, being comforted and understood by pomeranian, fluff

Note: i never get too detailed with trauma/bad childhood related content because i want my readers to feel free with whatever they're facing. i hope that anyone reading this fic for comfort has a wonderful day. I'm happy you're still pushing despite everything that's happened.

To be fair, he hadn't even thought of it. Never crossed his mind, not even once.

It was 1 AM now; way past his bedtime, way past his much needed rest for an early morning and he hadn't even tried closing his eyes. For once in his life, he was left wondering.

His life was filled with praise and ego, to be his lover would mean being able to put up with him and giving him praise when he actually deserved it. He didn't need half-assed compliments or someone on his hands and feet -- he needed someone to see him grow by himself.

You see, it hadn't crossed his mind that you were in a dark place in the past or present. You were strong in your own way and he saw it as a powerful trait of yours. You wanted to be a hero just like him but not because you wanted to prove your worth, you just wanted to save those who couldn't protect themselves.

"Katsuki! Right hook, then left!" You'd yell during your spar sessions. He takes your advice seriously, knowing you wanted him to improve just as much as he does for you.

"Fuckin' idiot," He mumbled in the darkness. You seemed so fine with it too, laughed about whatever happened as if it wasnt a huge part of who you were now. You talked like it was the weather, mundane and nothing crucial.

Could people smile after that? You did. It was scary to him how used to the life you were. You must've been scared, who wouldn't be?

"Katsuki, I have something to tell you," You said right before his bedtime, around 7 maybe. He was confused why you didn't just walk up and strike a conversation with him like usual.

Must be serious, he had thought and damn was it serious.

On the balcony, under the dark sky with a faraway look in your eyes. You didn't even turn to him once, just went on and on; one story after another. Sometimes you'd laugh like it was funny.

It wasn't funny, he was mortified and worried -- rendered him speechless to a point that his body came to a standstill.

You're a good person, he knew that most. You were someone that shone brighter than his classmates, that was why he chose you to be his partner at first.

"You must be freaked out, huh," You stated, finally turning to meet his worried eyes with a smile. "I don't blame you, it's a lot to take in."

"I trust you a lot and I just wanted you to know what you're getting yourself into when you're with me, so take your time. I'll wait for you."

Is he feeling bad right now? What was he feeling bad for? That you had a horrible life? He hated pitying people but he couldn't help but worry for you.

Also, what did you mean by 'take your time'? Had you thought Bakugou Katsuki, Lord Explosion Murder and soon-to-be Dynamight, was going to run away the second you told him?

If anything he just wanted to hug you right now, but he missed his chance when it reached midnight. Now he's going to accept the consequences of shock by not getting a good night's rest like he intended.

This bothered him.

How were you sleeping right now?

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he was out the door. Midnight, shoeless feet, his plain black shirt and sweats, he walked down the corridor to your door and was tempted to knock.

What if he was bothering your rest? He didn't want that, not after the conversation you both had. He turned on his heel and was met face-to-face with his teacher's pet cat who wandered the dorms at night to check on students, it stared straight at his soul and kinda creeped him out.

He put a finger to his lips, trying to shush it from making any possible noise but it harnessed the loudest cat-like screech he's heard. Bakugou jumped when he heard your door creak open, turning as quick as he could to see you.

"Katsuki? What are you doing here at night? 's like...," You trailed off, looking back into your room for your clock. "1:37 AM. It's way past your bedtime."

"U-Uh yeah, sorry. Just wanted to check on you," He mumbled the last bit, shooing you with his hand. "Go back to sleep, I'll talk to ya in the morning."

It was silent for a moment and you sighed, reaching out to grab his retreating hand and pulling him into your room.

"What? Hey! This isn't allowed!" He scolded you, tapping your hand on his. He was grateful it was dark enough to hide the growing warmth on his cheeks.

"Not like it matters, it's almost 2 AM. Don't want you to go to class tired," You mumbled with a yawn. You pulled him to your bed, gesturing him to rest on top of your shoulder as you laid there waiting.

He hesitantly sits down and curls to your side, your hand playing with his soft yet spiky hair. Bakugou relaxes and focuses on your deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" You asked, eyes closed. "Rare t'see you staying up so late. Can't sleep?"

He shakes his head. "Just thinking about you."

"Awww, how sweet~," You whispered with a giggle. "What were you thinking about?"

Bakugou stares at you before grunting.

"Drop the act. I saw your puffy eyes the second you came out of your room," He snarls, sitting up and looking down at you. "Don't do that in front of me."

You frowned for a moment and smiled again, hand reaching up and caressing his cheek. It was always so soft and clear, probably from the quirk he inherited from his mother.

"Can't help it. Got used to it, hun," You told him. "Not like I could sleep either, cried 'til I could. Kinda worked until I heard Mr Aizawa's cat screeching."

Bakugou cringed with his eyes closed. "Sorry."

"No problem, I like his cat," You answered. It was silent again. "Do you think I'm pitiful?"

"No," He answered. "If you're looking for pity, you're dating the wrong guy."

Chuckling, you nodded. "Must be dating the right one then."

You sat up just slightly, kissing his chin. It was the most you could do in the position, and he didn't seem like the type to budge. He grabs your cheek and kisses your forehead.

"Whatever happened, happened. Just because you told me, doesn't mean my impression of you changed. You just...," He trailed off. "... Showed me how you need to be treated, the best of the best."

"You're a better fit for a hero than any extra. Trust me," He stated firmly. Tears welled up in your eyes and you smiled wobbily.

"Damn it, you Katsudon! I just finished crying too," You muttered, rubbing your eyes as you let the tears cascade down your cheeks. He smiles at your reaction, leaning in to kiss you on the lips gently and choosing not to point out the ridiculous pet name you gave him.

"From now on, tell me everything. What makes you uncomfortable, happy, and how I can make you feel better," He ruffles your hair. "I love you, idiot. You're stuck with me."

More tears fell from your eyes. He waited for your smile to come and his heart grew warm again.

"Thank you, Suki. I love you too." You laughed.

♡︎ literate-simp

[chalkrevelations]

And finally, here we are, Episode 36 of Word of Honor, and I have some FEELINGS. Let me show you them.

There also will be Episode 37 here, btw, because I’m not gonna do a separate reaction for a three-minute episode, no matter how grateful I am that we got it.

(Spoilers, so if that’s not what you want right now, scroll on by and come back after you’ve watched it. Them.)

Let’s get to the meat of the episode right away: THE HAIRPIN. And Wen Kexing knowing Zhou Zishu would have it, because he’d definitely take it with him if he was going on a suicide mission! Y’all. I really have to yell about this for a minute: That’s how secure WKX has become in his knowledge of what he means to ZZS! After all that time angsting and hiding the truth of his identity and worrying that he’s not worthy of ZZS and that he’d be rejected if ZZS knew the truth about him! But now, WKX has finally reached a point where he understands and knows (zhiji, the one I know) he’s so important to ZZS that ZZS would never ever go off to die without taking his most precious possession, the hairpin that his husband gave him! I can’t. My heart. This is like a declaration, after all that time saying they were zhiji, that WKX finally is able to truly see ZZS as that, to know him in his bones, and all of this is also delivered in the middle of WKX in a strop, irritably chastising his husband as an evil brat for running away from home to get himself killed, with Gong Jun’s little  >:(  face in full effect, and I am so filled with love for this show and this couple at this point that I have to pause Youtube just so I can roll around on the sofa, clutching at my chest and scaring the cats with my inarticulate noises. This is so good, y’all. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Also, now you know how it feels, WKX, you asshole. Which I suppose is why you even confess that it will would be more painful for the one who survives when if the other dies. And you were prepared to do that to him a second time? I cannot believe you, you asshole. You get to sleep on the ice couch for a month.

And then there’s some Six Cultivation Power mind-melding and what looks to be an INCREDIBLY STUPID and HEARTBREAKING ending that would leave us Burying One of Our Gays, so it’s a good thing Episode 37 (all three minutes of it) exists. It would be nice, though, if the connective tissue from 36 to 37 made any sense. Or existed whatsoever. Just, like, throw me a bone, here, show. Some kind of explicit hand-waviness that actually gets mentioned for why Ye Baiyi apparently was not as smart as he thought he was and didn’t really know what he was talking about when he was doomsaying about how one of the pair will surely, oh surely perish. None of this “Sooooo, they managed to figure out the technique and master it?” from some random shidi who never actually gets an answer. I mean, the door was left open for fanwankery on this one, with what looks to be a very last-minute conceit of all this being a story told by grown-up Chengling to his disciples, which begs the question of how much of what he’s telling them is totally accurate, given any number of issues, including the spottiness of human recall, the possibility (based on the fact they’re still on the mountain in Ep 37) that Chengling never actually saw either of them again to get the full story, and the way Gao Xiaolian basically calls bs on the whole thing. But this is still a gossamer-thin thread on which to hang Ep 37. Ep 37 basically functions as reassurance because of the mere fact of its existence, because they’re clearly both alive, right there in front of your face, regardless of the other fact that it doesn’t actually make any sense, based on Ep 36. It ultimately doesn’t matter if there is no Step 2, because Step 3: Profit! is … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen. No matter how vaguely unsatisfying the lack of Step 2 may be.

I do feel like there’s an interesting meta thing going on here, in that the entire show has been about – let’s be honest, it was never really about the plot - queer-coding this couple in ways that supposedly fly just enough under the radar that people can handwave them as Just Good Friends and Brothers (I mean, I guess) with a Bury Your Gays tragic ending (ugh) for good measure. And Chengling is telling a story in-universe that seems to conform to some of this same formula. And yet, we all know well and good that these guys were husbands. (I mean, barring anything else, they’re a couple in the original source material, so checkmate, censorship.) So, are we supposed to carry the same assurance out of the show, on a meta level, that what appears to be happening at the end of Ep 36 - what we discover we’re learning through Chengling’s story-telling - isn’t really the truth? Just, look: While we’re getting the Good Friends and Brothers push, there’s stuff like obvious voice-over work that doesn’t match the much more queer version of what the actors actually said, which is apparently blazingly clear to any viewers who know Mandarin and can manage to lip-read. The show has literally put de-queered words into these characters’ mouths. You can’t trust what you hear. But apparently the show has also made this obvious enough that, if you’re a good enough speaker of the language the show is being told in, and you have a good enough eye, you can see what is actually going on. Are we being taught to trust our eyes more than our ears, are we being told that what we’re being told - by the end of Ep 36 on a meta level, by Ye Baiyi-through-Chengling’s-story on an in-universe level, and by what we learn about what happened from Chengling’s story, itself, also on an in-universe level - is inherently untrustworthy, but that if we “speak the language” of this show well enough, and have a good enough eye, we can decode it and see what “actually” happened and is later made explicit in Ep 37? Is Ep 37 canon? Does it matter, when “what is canon” is already so slippery on this show, where you can apparently lip-read something that’s different than what you’re hearing, and it functions as canon because of the mere fact of its existence, because it’s clearly … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen.

Anyway, just some thoughts on all that, which I guess is my own fanwankery work to join up the end of Ep 36 with Ep 37, which was, of course, delightful. No matter how much I might bemoan the lack of Step 2, I had a stupid, dopey grin on my face all the way through Ep 37 and might have even teared up a tiny bit at the very end. You can’t prove anything. Lemme tell you, though, it’s a good idea to have 37 on hand when you run into the brick wall of the end of 36, because while WKX’s willingness to sacrifice himself for love is theoretically great, it is not something I actually want to see come to fruition, given the pall it would cast over the entire joyous experience that the ZZS/WKX relationship is throughout the rest of the show. Sure, there’s always fic, but there’s a heaviness that hangs over the Bury Your Gays trope, and it’s retroactively ruined shows for me before. So THANK YOU, to those of you who hooked me up so I could immediately move on to Ep 37.

What else? Other things:

OK, so, first, I have to get this out of the way: Did we actually already see all of those “flashbacks” we get in the first part of the ep, during the conversation between Zhou Zishu and Jing Beiyuan, when all the political stuff is supposed to be finally falling together to give us the big picture? I would have to go back and scrummage through those eps to be sure, and I’m not going to spend time doing that (yet) when I still need to do some keysmashing about Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing OH MY GOD, but I do feel like some of this was new information, not just stuff that I’d glossed over because it didn’t seem important at the time? If so, not on, show. I will be keeping an eye out for that on re-watch. I am, however, perfectly willing to accept – if it turns out to be true – that you utterly distracted me with the failboats-in-love storyline, to the detriment of my focus on, you know, plot or whatever. It’s happened before. (It’s one of the reasons I need to go back and watch The Untamed again, at some point.)

OMG FAKE KEY! And as ZZS points out, this has been foreshadowed for us from early on, with WKX’s fake Glazed Armors plot. :bangs table with fist: YES. This show is going to reward re-watching SO MUCH.

Duan Pengju, oh my god, this asshole. The look on his face when the Armory didn’t open was so gratifying. Also, ha. I wondered when ZZS was finally going to be done with his shit. In fact, so much gratification in this whole scene. Xie Wang’s face when he realizes WKX double-crossed him – what, did you think you were the only tricksy one in that little alliance, Xie’er? And, holy shit – I cannot believe that Xie’er actually words this as WKX failing him, taking us back around to this theme one more time again. I would maybe feel a little worse for you if you hadn’t been a hairsbreadth away from killing him before ZZS stopped you in the last ep, Xie’er. Also if you hadn’t helped get A-Xiang killed. So I think the fail in this relationship is going both ways. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like you’re going to get the time WKX had to start untangling yourself from the ways your abuser has fucked you up and over.

It once again becomes blindingly clear why ZZS has been my ride-or-die during this whole thing: Under the grumpy, irritable, day-drinking yet somehow eminently practical exterior, he’s actually an idealistic do-gooder who just wants to make the world a better place for people and sacrifice himself for great justice. Never let it be said that I don’t have a type. Also, I mean. Zhang Zhehan’s FACE. Let’s don’t discount the power of that.

Final word: Don’t miss Ep 37. All three minutes of it. They are perhaps the most important three minutes of the entire show.

(I mean, not FINAL final word. I expect to be going back for a re-watch and posting more things, particularly on eps from before I started typing up 1000K-word reactions this first time around.)

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[sarcasticfina]

Fic Writer Tag Game

How many works do you have on AO3? 263

What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,901,188

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? including the fandoms on FFnet, that haven't yet been moved over to ao3, that'd be a total of 37. separating the larger fandoms (marvel, dcu) into their individual parts: Thor; Arrow; Smallville; The Vampire Diaries; Glee; Captain America; Supernatural; Teen Wolf; Iron Man; Life with Derek; Firefly; Friday Night Lights; X-Men; Fantastic Four; Harry Potter; Sons of Anarchy; Girl Meets World; Batman; Daredevil; From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series; Transformers; Lost Girl; Game of Thrones; Banshee; High School Musical; The OC; One Tree Hill; CSI: New York; Degrassi; Gossip Girl; NCIS; The Unusuals; Criminal Minds; iCarly; Secret Life of the American Teenager; Twilight; and The Listener

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. and I wonder (if everything could ever feel this real forever) - darcy/bucky - Steve tells him that Darcy's harmless. Bucky imagines, on paper, Darcy is harmless. HYDRA wouldn't give her a second glance. But he does. He can barely keep his eyes off her. He's not sure he wants to. | Kudos: 5576

2. I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me) - darcy centric | darcy/steve - The path to self-discovery, including becoming Coulson's assistant-slash-liaison-slash-bff, Captain America's lady love, and rating fourth on the SHIELD BAMF scale, was like the yellow brick road; it was chaos and confusion around every bend. | Kudos: 3973

3. Take a little piece of my heart (and keep it for yourself) - oliver/felicity - A collection of Olicity prompts on Tumblr posted here for easier access/reading. | Kudos: 3498

4. You put your arms around me (and I'm home) - darcy/bucky - A collection of Darcy/Bucky oneshots, drabbles, and prompt fills. | Kudos: 3293

5. you (anchor me back down) - darcy/bucky - "I'll be right back." Famous last words. | Kudos: 2747

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? not all of them. i do try to keep up on them, especially on longer stories when there's been significant wait times in between chapters, or when a reader is asking a question or is unclear on something. and especially when someone writes a really indepth comment/review, i like to respond to those and talk about motivations and character growth.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I've written a number of fics that either had suicide or major character death, so i'm not sure if one outranks the other in terms of most angsty... hmm... i remember "be still and know that I'm with you (be still and know that I am here)" and "light a match, burn the world to ash (I will watch it die, and hold your hand as I fly)" both got some pretty intense reactions when they were posted. And "It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Go On)" was basically just angst from beginning to end. buuuuut, i think i'll say "so you think you can tell (heaven from hell" was, only because there's a build up of everything going so right, only to pivot at the end, so it feels very bittersweet.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i loooooove crossovers. i find writing in the marvel fandom makes things quite easy, but also smallville. as long as i can find a common thread, i enjoy finding a way to overlap two shows. i'll say the hardest one to write was "ruby red slippers (unavailable in her size)." I'm not sure why, but i found writing each personality together just felt strange. i liked the idea behind the story, but i definitely remember feeling like i was really forcing myself to keep going, like something just didn't fit right.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? oh, definitely. you cannot please everyone, it's impossible. for the most part, hate comes and i either argue back, take the criticism for what it's worth, or just ignore it when it's baseless. i think the hate that bothered me the most was a homophobic PM someone sent me re: "you know I will adore you ('til eternity)," on FFnet. i actually went and searched it up. they've since blocked me so i can't read our whole thread back and forth. but i did put part of it on tumblr so i could rant on it a bit, so you can see that here.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? ha. yes. depending on the story, it can be really detailed or really flowery. it depends on the ship, the plot, and how graphic i feel like being. i've definitely become more comfortable over the years with my writing. that said, i think everybody likes something different. i once had a reviewer tell me a sex scene was too much, just too intense. it was a stefan/caroline story and to be fair, that entire oneshot was just them fucking, lol, but it is what it is. to each their own.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Multiple times.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! for the record, i am always happy to have my stories translated and shared. i just like having a link sent to me and to be credited.

What’s your all time favorite ship? i have a list of OTPs, because interests change and as shows come and go, my love for a ship can be shelved for a while before it pops back up at random. currently, i can't get enough of buck/eddie from 9-1-1. and, historically, chloe/oliver (smallville) and felicity/oliver (arrow) have been two of my top OTPs. but i think i'd have to go with bonnie/damon. they had all the potential and the show dropped the ball by not exploring it. at the same time, that's kind of a blessing, because i don't trust those writers to properly explore what they had without eventually destroying it for the likes of de/ena. it means a treasure trove for writing where it could have gone and all the what if's.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? the intention is always to finish. but given how i feel about allison mack and how that impacts my feelings re: chloe sullivan, pretty much anything with her as a main character is not something i see myself returning to.

What are your writing strengths? What are your writing weaknesses? i'm putting these together because my strength is my weakness. i love to write. when i get an idea, i go all in and i will skip eating and sleeping to just write write write. but i also eventually hit a wall and i get so many ideas that i hyperfocus on one until the steam is gone and then i hyperfocus on the next one to maintain that need to keep writing, accidentally leaving the last story in the dust for entirely too long. i also have clinical depression that comes and goes, which hasn't been super great mixed with covid and isolation, so more often recently, i find myself overly exhausted and despite wanting to write, can rarely get motivated to do so. so, pre-covid, wrote so much i left entirely too many stories dangling. during covid, i've just been reading and struggling to get myself focused enough to do what i love.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i appreciate the authenticity when possible, but i've recently been reading more about how native speakers of other languages feel when a) their language is butchered by google translate, or b) it's just not genuine in terms of how bilingual speakers act or speak.

What was the first fandom you’ve written for? it was smallville, but i remember adopting it out to someone else because i wasn't going to finish it. so if you look at my ffnet, the first fandom i wrote for appears to be x-men: the movie, but i remember writing a chloe/oliver story prior to that.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? i have a lot. i mean, on ffnet, i have 576 stories, many of which were transferred over to ao3, with a lot of oneshots and drabbles getting joined together into collections. so there's a ton to pick from that span a 14-ish year timeline.

"you know I will adore you ('til eternity)" and "let me break (the walls that surround me)" hold a special place in my heart.

honestly, each story is important in its own way. there are bits and pieces of each that i love. every time i write something new it feels like my favorite. my best. and then a new idea comes along. there are scenes i've written that i loved more than the whole of what they became. lines that stand out that are almost too good to be a part of the larger picture.

one of my all time favorite passages i've written was bonnie's thoughts on damon and herself in 'if you love me (let me go)":

He is far from perfect. He is a novel of red, corrective ink. He is frayed pages and torn binding. His life, his choices, his mistakes leave lasting effects on everyone he meets.

She is a lifeboat with a hole in it. An anchor that drowns in the sea while everyone else remains steady above. She is both the calm and the storm, and while she screams that she will not be tamed, she cries. Bittersweet tears that go unnoticed and uncared about.

there are other stories, other pieces of dialogue, that i've been proud of. that make me laugh when i re-read them. that make me cry. and i love them. there are others that make me wilt and cringe and regret. it's a process. love and pride and growth, all bound together.

Tagging: @absentlyabbie, @anonymous033, and anyone else who'd like to fill this all out, haha

[jaxsteamblog]

Cherry Blossoms

Click here to read the entire fic on AO3

For dinner, the family stayed in the large estate near to the village. The festival had attracted the Air Nomads for years, and this time they brought along the workers from the oilrig for a well-earned reprieve. All that meant Katara and Zuko couldn’t always be out in public or else they’d be swarmed.

And Katara wasn’t keen on getting attacked or kidnapped again, especially when she was in such a good mood.

“So what do you think of the festivities, Zuko?” Malina asked as she and Hakoda brought out large platters of food. Sokka followed after them with a covered tureen that still couldn’t contain the smell of seaprune stew.

“It’s been amazing. I have a weakness for festivals like this though.” Zuko replied.

“The kind that won’t piss off the spirits if you do them wrong, you mean?” Sokka asked, setting the tureen down on the table.

Katara leaned over and plucked off the lid, breathing in the steam. It smelled right for once.

“Who made this?” She asked, looking around. Hakoda opened his mouth but, looking past her, quickly shut it.

“It’s Gran-Gran’s recipe, Kat. Don’t worry.” Sokka interjected, picking up a ladle and slopping a generous scoop into a bowl. She narrowed her eyes at him but took it.

“Do you have a favorite festival?” Suki asked.

“Does it have to be Fire Nation?” Zuko asked in return.

“No?” Suki looked confused and Zuko leaned over to look in Katara’s bowl.

“I only ask because my favorite is an Earth Kingdom one. But I do have one I like a lot in Caldera.” He said and started pulling the bowl. Katara shoved it over and returned to the tureen.

“Let’s hear the favorite.” Suki said.

“I can’t remember what it’s called because I only got to see it when I was a kid.” Zuko started, picking up a spoon. “I must’ve been really young because my cousin was…”

Zuko smiled sadly and focused on the seaprune stew.

“Anyway, my mother had taken Azula and I to visit my uncle and a festival was going on when we got there. My cousin took my sister and I out to attend, and it was a lot of fun. The cherry blossoms were in peak bloom and there were picnics and tea; I knew it was probably my uncle’s favorite festival too.

“But at night, the town had set up these lights under the trees and you could walk around this garden looking at them. When the sun had fully set, other lights went on and they made sculptures with them. It blew my tiny little mind.” Zuko explained.

“So, a colony.” Hakoda said.

Katara sat up, but Zuko nodded.

“Yes.” He answered and looked back at Hakoda.

“I think,” Malina said slowly, resting her hand on Hakoda’s arm. “We can all appreciate what Zuko went through to end up here with us.”

Hakoda looked at Katara’s face and grumbled.

“My favorite is Avatar Day.” Suki stated, loudly clattering food onto a plate. Katara relaxed, rolling her eyes.

“We’re lucky Thuy’s not here.” Zuko said.

“That’d only be a problem if Katara said it was her favorite.” Sokka corrected.

“Oh for sure.” Suki said, drawing out her accent for effect. “Zuko can never leave Katara or else Thuy will smack him down.”

“Like she did his dad.” Sokka quipped and Zuko burst with a laugh.

“What’s your favorite festival, Sokka?” Malina asked.

“Love Day.” Suki and Katara shouted together and started laughing. Sokka groaned with loud exaggeration and Malina laughed lightly.

“I don’t like most festivals if they have fireworks. Those bug me.” He did say, tearing his flatbread into shreds.

“I like the solstice stuff. I get a kick out of how serious everyone gets when in reality they’re talking about Yue and my bratty sister.” He said finally and Katara launched a seaprune at him.

“What about you, Malina? Hakoda?” Zuko asked.

“Anything with good food is the best in my opinion.” Hakoda answered gruffly.

“Mine is similar to Zuko’s, actually. But I lived in the northern part of the Earth Empire and I think what you were talking about is in the south.” Malina said.

“Cherry blossoms bloom all the way up there?” Zuko questioned.

“Not natively, but for a long time the trees were a common gift the kings would send to each other. You can find them dotted all over capitals but only in the south are they everywhere.” Malina explained.

“They’re really something.” Zuko said.

“Oh yes. They reminded me of the North Pole, or at least, how my parents talked about the North Pole.” Malina said in a rush.

“Flowers?” Zuko asked.

“What about them?” Sokka snapped.

“How are they at all like the North Pole?” Zuko asked, bewildered.

Sokka looked over and met Malina’s eye, making Katara frown.

“I mean, have you actually looked at snow?” Sokka asked, turning to Zuko.

“You are clearly Piandao’s favorite.” Zuko murmured and Sokka scoffed.

“My parents would always talk about the North Pole when it snowed. Maliq and I would go crazy seeing how little it snowed inside Ba Sing Se, and how quickly the snowplows would come through.” Malina laughed and tapped Hakoda’s arm. “We were not prepared for coming back home.”

“Did you know that some places pickle cherry blossoms and make tea out of it?” Sokka asked and Zuko choked on his soup.

“Oh spirits what.” Sokka croaked.

Katara patted Zuko’s back and shrugged.

“Apparently it’s a wedding sort of tea and Iroh gave it to Zuko and me a while back.” She said.

“I was trying so hard not throw myself at you at that point too.” Zuko said, wiping his eyes.

“Excuse me?” Hakoda interrupted sharply and Malina snorted.

“Well, turns out you’re married by swamp standards so we should probably go pick up some more.” Sokka said.

“Excuse me?” Hakoda repeated.

“We have to get married before them, really.” Suki said, looking at Sokka.

“We should probably elope then, because at this rate they’ll be married twice over.” He said.

“Now hold on…” Hakoda leaned over the table and Zuko put his arm around Katara.

“We’re going backwards through the Avatar cycle. We just have to figure out which temple Aang was born at so we can get hitched there.” He said.

“No.” Hakoda said firmly, and everyone turned to him. “Both of my children are getting married in the South Pole.”

“Dad, we were just kidding.” Sokka said.

Hakoda sighed and leaned back.

“I know.” He said.

“And Suki and I are getting married in Kyoshi.” Sokka added.

Hakoda sputtered and even Katara turned to stare at Sokka. Her brother took Suki’s hand and stared down at their rings.

“I hate being in the Poles.” He said softly.

“What?” Hakoda and Katara shouted.

“O-kay.” Zuko stood up, jostling the table. “I’m taking Sokka to show me the penguins.”

“I can fight my own battles!” Sokka protested, but Suki also stood and the two of them grabbed either of his shoulders.

“I love you man, but I am trying to keep my future wife and father-in-law from hating my guts.” Zuko muttered as he and Suki started dragging him out of the room.

“That’s not my problem! Hey wait the stairs guys wai-” Sokka’s voice was cut off by the sound of chaotic thudding.

“So, Katara, what do you want to do for your birthday?” Malina asked.

Katara lowered her face into her hands and groaned.

~

“Cherry blossoms, huh?” Katara asked, laying on her back and looking up at Zuko.

Zuko’s long hair acted like a curtain as he propped himself over her. He was doing what he normally did when they were able to sleep together; trying to see which parts of her were ticklish as he lightly kissed her.

“They’re pretty.” He said with his lips against her shoulder.

“And very dainty.” Katara added.

“I’m not in love with cherry blossoms, Katara.” Zuko murmured, moving down to her collarbone.

“I’m just saying.”

“And I’m just saying. Though it would be nice to see you in a bath with some cherry blossoms. Seeing them stick to your skin.” Zuko laid himself on her and went back to her neck. “Mmmmm.”

“You just constantly run hot don’t you?” Katara said with a laugh threading through her words.

“You should have seen me as a young man.” Zuko said, pushing himself up to look directly at her. “And when I was plagued with thoughts of a very mysterious spirit.”

“You’re still a young man.” Katara retorted, putting her hands on his chest.

“Did you ever think of me?” Zuko asked.

“The Blue Spirit?”

“Yeah.”

Katara paused then, trying to recollect. Her memory was shoddy at best, and some events were warped by time and trauma.

She remembered her first kiss with Haru before staging a prison break to rescue his father. She remembered seeing Yue in the moonlight and knew love and heartbreak in the same moment as she saw Sokka’s face. She remembered digging her nails into Jet as if she could mold him into something else.

And she remembered the vigilante that she could never figure out.

“I used to dream about running into you over and over again in the war. We’d fight the same villains, we’d tease each other because we are always suspicious, and you would unmask yourself while proclaiming your eternal love for me.” Katara said.

“Funny, I always imagined the same thing.” Zuko said.

“I would never have unmasked.” Katara scoffed.

“There’d be no need.” Zuko said with a smile and then lowered himself again. “I told you that you sweat your stripes off.”

“Zuko!”

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60

[a-night-at-the-0pera]

Virtues Uncounted, Part 7

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6

Series Pairings: Gwilym Lee x Reader, Joe Mazzello x Reader

Chapter Summary: The year is 1820, in the charming English village of Ashwick Heath. You are a young lady of distinction, rather bored during the long summer months in your family’s country estate. The only reprieve from this boredom is the handsome, if shy, Mr. Gwilym Lee, the youngest son of the noble family living adjacent to you, and his mysterious and brash American cousin, Mr. Mazzello. Staring the toughest decision you have had to make right in the eyes, you pull the trigger, to heart-wrenching results. A wedding provides welcome distraction, and opens the door to a life-changing opportunity. 

Chapter Warnings: Sweaty boys, crying, heartbreak, marriage...this is the angstiest one yet, lads....get those handkerchiefs ready. 

Chapter Word Count: 9k

Author’s Note: It is always an arduous process writing this fic, just because of the amount of emotion and research that I pour into it, but writing this chapter was truly difficult. As much as I am an Angst Queen, I hate breaking hearts. Much love to my wonderful friends who hype me and this fic up, and especially to @o-holynight for the moodboard and being my beta-reader for this chapter! This is a work of fiction, and all place names and peerage titles are made up by me, for ease of writing. As always, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated, because they give me feedback! I love to hear your thoughts on the stories I write! Are you Team Gwilym or Team Joseph? Sound off in my inbox!

~~~~~~~~~

It feels as if you have not slept in months, but the reality is that only these past two nights have passed fitfully, sleep evading you like a deer darting between the trees in the forest. The memories of Joseph’s lips on yours attack your conscious mind, nipping at your brain with just enough intensity to stave off the sweet embrace of sleep. You know that you need to talk to Gwilym, to let him finally know all that you have been feeling, but you can never and will never tell him what happened between you and Joseph in the hidden room that day. Some secrets are best kept until the grave. 

Your escape from Moorhead Park that day had been nothing short of a miracle. After Joseph had made his tear-stained exit from the room, you took a moment to gather yourself, fully prepared to be accosted by Gwilym or one of your parents as you tried to make your way home. But curiously, no one impeded your flight from the manor, the house eerily silent as you slipped out the back door and across the fields. Mother returned home that evening in a right fit, shrilly berating you for nearly an hour about your shameful display of emotions and lack of composure. There was simply no energy left in you to fight back, so you silently nodded and whispered apologies as she ranted on. 

The next morning you awoke to two letters at breakfast; one from Mr. Jones, imploring you to return soon to Moorhead Park to finish the portrait, and one from Gwilym, filled with concern and confusion. 

My dearest, darling Y/N,

Why have you run from me, my love? What have I done to cause you to flee? Whatever it may be, please know that with just a word from you, it will cease. In all my life, I have never sought to cause you pain or misery, but if I have, I most sincerely apologize for it.

You could not bring yourself to read any more of the letter, hastily re-folding it and tucking it away in your desk, shoved in amongst the dozens of others you have received from him over the course of the summer. He was both entirely too sweet and entirely too oblivious and it made you want to tear your hair out. 

So now you sit, exhausted, in bed, back aching against the hard wood of the headboard. This is your third day of self-imposed near-isolation, refusing to see anyone except Margie, who has dutifully brought you sustenance and communications from your still-livid mother. You have simply picked at the meals, unable to stomach much of anything in the face of the Herculean emotional task you have laid before yourself. The past two days have been spent mulling everything over, but you know in your heart that you have lingered long enough. Today is the day. 

With a soft knock, Margie enters your bedroom, silver breakfast tray in hand. With the tiniest of curtsies, she places the tray on your desk, switching it with the one that holds last night’s dinner, picked-over and congealed.

“Good morning, Miss. It is good to see you awake,” she murmurs, drawing closer to the bed.

“Tragically, I survived another night, Margie,” you grumble, stretching, “which means I should probably get dressed.”

“Will you leave your room today, then, Miss?”

“I must,” you gripe, swinging your legs out of bed, “I must face him.”

“Your parents have taken the carriage to Meddington today, to call on some of your father’s acquaintances there, so it is just you at home today.”

“I shall head over to Moorhead Park after I finish dressing, I believe,” you hum, settling at the vanity and beginning to take your hair out of its sleeping ribbons. Margie hovers behind you, her fingers softly stroking your hair, hesitation dancing on the tip of her tongue. 

“What are you going to discuss with Mr. Lee today, then, Miss?”

You look at yourself thoughtfully in the mirror, your hair half-tied and lopsided. The dark circles under your eyes are sunken and purple, pronounced from the lack of sleep, and your skin is dull and lifeless. A sorry sight indeed, but perhaps this aesthetic is better for the conversation you are planning on having. 

“I just think that perhaps he and I should talk.”

Margie stares at you pointedly in the mirror, begging for more, but you shut your mouth tight and continue to prepare yourself for the day, putting in a small set of pearl earrings and tying your hair back in its usual chignon, held in place with a white ribbon. Margie lays out a blue walking dress for you, decorated simply with eyelet lace on the sleeves and neckline. As she undoes the buttons and slips the soft cotton over your head, you revel in the sensation, the little hairs on your body standing on end as the dress settles on your shoulders. As she fastens the dress, Margie’s eyes meet yours in the mirror, a small smile playing on her thin lips. 

“You look like an angel, Miss.”

“A tired one,” you murmur, taking in just how exhausted you look in the mirror. The blue and white color scheme of your outfit today certainly has a heavenly air about it, but instead of emulating the peaceful, soft clouds on a warm summer day, the purplish-grey bags under your eyes reveal the true storm brewing.

“Even angels must rest,” Margie hums, “I worry about you, Miss. You seem preoccupied.”

“Yes, well, there’s a wedding to prepare for, you know.”

“Indeed.”

Her eyes meet yours, and you find them to be just as tired. It shocks you when you realize that you have not noticed how Margie has aged all these years, her eyes and mouth surrounded by fine wrinkles, creased from years of smiles and laughter. Your Margie, who has raised you since you were an infant, who knows more of you than any other on this earth, is just a person. And she is tired, too. 

“Miss (Y/N), is everything alright?”

“Of course,” you nod quickly, trying to shake the strange fog of sentimentality from your mind. With a soft groan, Margie sits on the edge of your soft bed, her back stooping slightly as she settles, looking at you with those same tired eyes, now tinged with tender worry.

“You may confide in me, Miss. I care for you like my own child, if I may say so. I know you are in a great deal of pain.”

Your throat constricts and tears threaten to spill as you swallow thickly, setting your brow firmly in an attempt to stem the flow. This is only the second time someone has seen through your mask to the anguish inside. And Joseph does not know you like Margie does. 

“I am fine,” you waver, tilting your head to fiddle with an earring in an attempt to obscure your quickly crumpling expression. 

“If you say so, Miss,” the older woman replies, rubbing her knees for a moment before lifting herself up from her seat, grunting quietly. “When you do want to talk, you know where to find me.”

“Here, organizing my garments,” you chuckle, earning a small smile from the maid.

“Always.”

With a soft nod, she takes the old dinner tray away, opening and closing the door despite her full hands with ease. The moment the door clicks closed, you exhale slowly, a single tear escaping and clinging stubbornly to your bottom lashes. It splashes onto the vanity surface, beading there on the wood like a lustrous pearl, as painful and irritable as the parasites that form the precious little orbs. Today’s mission is monstrous.

“But I must,” you whisper firmly, opening the drawer full of Gwilym’s letters and gathering them up, tying them together with one of your hair ribbons, a silky green one you wore one day whilst the two of you took a turn around the rose garden. It was the first time his fingers brushed through your hair, gently toying with the loose end as it fluttered in the countryside breeze. He had quietly murmured “how beautiful you are,” his blue eyes flitting about your features, his fingers brushing just ever-so-delicately against your cheek before he pulled away, turning his attention once more to the scenery. 

These letters contain the holdings of one man’s heart, the entire contents splashed across the parchment like India ink, bold and powerful and all-consuming, obscuring everything that once existed on the pages of his heart before. Who are you to be their ungrateful curator, to keep them locked away in a drawer, fating his words to be slowly consumed by mites and moths? No, it is only fair for him to have his heart back. All 37 pages of it. 

* * *

It is not yet noon, but the early August heat is already sweltering, and you find yourself darting quickly between the shadows of the stately oaks that dot the fields of Moorhead Park in order to avoid the harsh rays of the sun. The beauty of the lush green meadows have begun to fade in the summer heat, the vibrant grass turning a sickly shade of sunbaked yellow in patches, but at least it isn’t so muddy, and your hem stays mercifully clean. 

From what you had overheard from your self-imposed isolation in your room, you know the Earl and Countess are away for the weekend on business, so the boys should be the only ones home at Moorhead Park today. Still, not wanting to cause a fuss, you decide to head to the kitchen door instead of the proper front entrance. Perhaps this gesture could raise suspicion amongst the servants, but honestly, it doesn’t matter much to you anymore.

Dipping around the stony side of the manor house, you are suddenly accosted by a chorus of male voices, whooping and cheering with glee. One accented voice in particular is shouting above the rest, and you can hear the joyous frustration in his tone as he yells out to the others. Joseph.

You duck behind a rosebush to see what is going on without being discovered, the prickly thorns grazing your skin as you crouch down. The leafy shrub is sparse enough that you can peer through its branches to better observe the scene in front of you. Mr. Jones, Alexander, Joseph, and Gwilym are all standing around under the hot sun, wearing nothing but their linen undershirts and breeches. Your cheeks heat at the sight as your eyes instinctively flit away from their scantily clad bodies, sweat soaking through the linen and causing the fabric to cling to their chests. 

Joseph is yelling at Gwilym, who is holding a smooth wooden bat in his right hand, his hip cocked jauntily to the side as he grins tauntingly at his cousin.

“Two hands, Gwilym!” Joseph groans out in exasperation, winding up to throw the tanned leather ball he is holding. You can see the muscles in his shoulder tense as he pitches, and you swallow thickly, remembering those taut arms wrapped around you just a few days prior above the library. 

“Perhaps in your game of base-ball, Joseph, but this is England! Rounders is played with one arm,” Gwilym retorts, swinging the bat with ease through the air to meet the ball.

The wooden bat makes a satisfying crack as the leather ball shoots far past Joseph into the air. Mr. Jones takes off at breakneck speed after it, sliding in the parched grass with a grunt to catch the ball.

“Atta boy, Benjamin! We’ll make a base-baller out of you yet!” Joseph crows, jumping up and down with excitement as the blond man beams at him, blowing a tuft of sweaty hair away from his eyes. 

“You really think so, mate?” he grins, running his fingers through his hair, “I just might give up the whole artist thing and become a proper sporting man.” 

“I’d stick with the pastels, if I were you,” Gwilym jokes, miming to swing the bat at Benjamin, who flinches instinctively. Joseph cackles and claps the blond on the back, who shoots Gwilym a mocking dirty look before laughing as well. 

Alexander is standing a little ways away in the field with a sour expression on his face, wiping the sweat from his brow as he sneers at his companions, the tip of his nose already beginning to turn pink from the sun.

“How much longer will we be out here, Joseph? This game is rather boring.”

“If you do not care for it, Alexander, you may leave,” Gwilym teases, handing Joseph the bat as Benjamin runs in to pitch. The older brother just rolls his eyes, shifting his weight back and forth between his legs impatiently. 

“We could have taken a carriage and snuck off to town, you know. By now we’d be ankle deep in women and wine, instead of playing a children’s game in the backyard.”

“Christ, man,” Gwilym groans, “do you ever think of anything else?”

“Rarely,” Alexander grins lecherously.

“It is not yet noon!” Benjamin jokes, pitching to Joseph, who hits the ball directly towards the elder of the Lee brothers. Alexander drops to the ground in a flash, his white shirt staining green where he made contact with the grass. Gwilym and Benjamin try their best to hide their laughter, shooting mirthful glances at each other as Alexander pushes himself up. 

“What is your bloody problem, Mazzello?” he grits out, shooting an absolutely venomous look over to his cousin, who has pushed the bat into the dirt and is leaning against it nonchalantly, smirking.

“I am simply playing the game, Alexander,” he smiles, “perhaps, if you bothered to catch the ball instead of cowering like an infant, these women you speak of might actually want to…”

“Fuck this, and fuck you,” Alexander growls, dusting off his trousers and jabbing his finger at Joseph, who simply shrugs with an impish grin as his cousin stalks off towards the house. Benjamin and Gwilym cannot contain their giggles anymore, and they snort in the outfield, clutching onto each other’s shoulders. Joseph takes a mocking little bow before clutching the bat once more and swinging it around, preparing for another pitch from Benjamin. 

You could stay and watch forever, but you know it’s now or never to talk to Gwilym. Smoothing your skirt and adjusting your bonnet, you duck out from behind the rosebush and back onto the path, just managing to miss Alexander as he slams the back door closed just a few feet away from you. Benjamin spots you first, waving his leather glove high in the air.

“Hello, Miss Woolmere!”

Gwilym and Joseph both whip around to stare at you, the easy smiles that had graced their features just moments before melting like snow under the hot August sun. Your fiance reaches for the neck of his shirt, shaky fingers wrestling with the strings to do up the neck, clearly embarrassed for you to see him in such a state of undress. Benjamin and Joseph, however, seem less bothered by you catching them in what is essentially their underwear. 

“Hello, gentlemen,” you say, curtsying slightly to the three of them. Joseph and Benjamin both bow back, but Gwilym is still tangled up in his laces, muttering curses under his breath. You cannot help but giggle, which makes him turn a positively brilliant shade of scarlet. Benjamin takes note and clears his throat, trying to take the focus off from his friend’s wardrobe struggle.

“Would you by chance be visiting so I can resume painting your portrait?” the artist asks hopefully, his fingers flexing eagerly by his side, “I am simply dying to have my most excellent subject back.”

“Now, Benjamin, be courteous,” Joseph jokes, “Gwilym is right there!”

Gwilym, his neckline now safely concealed again, shoots Joseph a pained glance before turning to you, his hand reaching for yours. Only when his hand brushes against parchment does he notice the bundle of letters in your grasp, and he pauses, staring quizzically at you. Joseph’s eyes go wide at the sight but he says nothing, hastily looking away. 

“I was wondering if you would perhaps want to take a turn around the lake with me, Gwilym,” you mumble out, your nerves pricking painfully. Your fiance nods wordlessly, offering his arm to you, which you take softly. Joseph’s eyes darken, boring into yours as Benjamin opens his mouth to say something else. 

“Let us leave them to it, Benjamin...best not to intrude on a lover’s conference,” he says firmly, placing the ball in the blond man’s hand, “Pitch.”

With the tiniest of nods to the auburn-haired man, you turn back to Gwilym, who is still looking at you with a bemused expression. He leads you over to a bench beside the house, quickly donning his vest to at least appear more presentable, before starting off towards the lake, the cool blue waters glinting in the bright morning sunlight. 

“Would you like to go down to the lake, darling, or up to the gazebo on the hill?” he asks when you arrive at a fork in the path. The little Grecian temple sits on the crest of the nearby hill, the white marble gleaming as if beckoning you to shelter beneath the cool stone. You nod your chin silently towards it and the two of you continue on in silence, with only the sounds of the birds to accompany you. Not that you mind. It is delaying the inevitable.

The trek to the gazebo takes a few minutes, and by the time you reach the top, your mind is racing. Your palms are sweating from nerves, dampening the letters clutched in your hands. With a sigh, you sit on the bench inside the little structure, relishing in the sensation of coolness on the back of your overheated thighs. Gwilym chooses not to join you, leaning against one of the pillars and looking out over the sun-soaked fields, deep in thought.

“The weather has been most disagreeable lately…” you begin softly, trying to stir up the courage to speak your mind. 

“I know you are not happy, love.”

“With the weather? No, definitely not,” you giggle weakly, setting the letters down in your lap. 

Gwilym keeps his back to you, but his head falls slightly, his gaze now fixed on his feet. “Feigning ignorance is not your strong suit, darling.”

There is no response you can muster, knowing that the moment has finally arrived. That he knows. But how much?

“I am not a complete idiot, you know,” he sighs, his fingers flexing on the marble column, “I can tell that whatever we had...it is different now. Ever since the dinner where we became engaged.”

You flinched unconsciously, gripping your thighs tightly through the fabric of your dress. Gwilym hears the rustling of the letters in your lap, turning to see you staring straight ahead, eyes glazed over from stress. 

“Oh, dear heart, do tell me what is wrong!” he cries, striding over to you and pulling you to face him, his familiar scent of balsam and clove, mixed with a hint of musty sweat, filling your senses. His grip on your shoulder is firm yet gentle, the pressure helping to ground you in the situation. You must tell him.

“Gwilym, I…I feel...bad.”

“I know, love, I know,” he hums softly, stroking your hair, “but why? Please, tell me why.”

“Our engagement...was it…do you not think it was fast?”

“Fast?” Gwilym chuckles, craning his head to look at you, “we had been courting nearly a month, and had known each other for years before that, so...no, I do not think it was fast. Why?”

His nonchalance rips through you like a knife, opening a wound that allows all the feelings to flood in, the dams breaking.

“Because I do, Gwilym! I do!” you wail, shrugging his arm off your shoulder. It falls with a thud to the stone of the bench, and he winces at the impact. 

“I did not think…”

“No, you did not! A month, Gwilym? You expect that I will trot gaily into marriage with you after one month, to skip down the aisle at the parish church?”

He stares at you, utterly flustered. “Well, to be honest, yes…”

“Did it ever cross through your thick skull to ask me? To consult me, once?”

“Consult you about what? Courtship’s natural end is in engagement, and engagements end in marriage!” he counters, his voice rising slightly, “By accepting my offer of courtship, I assumed that you knew the road we would be treading together.”

“Assumed,” you huff, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Yes, I assumed! And I suppose I apologize for it, now,” he snaps, hands gripping the edge of the stone bench.

“So you do not actually apologize,” you grit out, backing away from him, eyes flashing with anger.

Something changes in his demeanor, perhaps because of your distancing yourself from him, but Gwilym’s face cracks and his posture slackens, his blue eyes pleading.

“No, I truly do, truly! My darling, please...I apologize.”

“You betrayed my trust, Gwilym. You treated me like a prize to be won, not the woman you claim to love so deeply!”

“But I do love you!” he shouts, scattering the birds perching in the nearby tree branches, “can’t you see that? Have you not read the letters? Have you not seen how I only have eyes for you?” 

“So you say! You profess this deep, profound, heavenly love, and yet you could not be bothered to ask me for my own bloody hand in marriage!” 

“Is that what this is about?” he sighs out, an exasperated chuckle, “that I did not ask you?”

“Yes, of course that is what this is about!” you yell, fuming at his apparent derision.

“Marriage is a contract settled between suitor and father, darling, you know this.”

“Do not be so thick-headed and ancient-minded to pretend to not know that asking is common courtesy, Gwilym.”

His voice cracks. “But I thought you loved me, too.”

“You assume that you understand every whisper of my heart, don’t you?”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I love you, Gwilym!” you choke out, “I love you. But I cannot...I cannot marry you.”

This statement strikes the air out from both of you, and you slump against the nearest pillar as Gwilym stares at you, frozen in utter disbelief. The entire world stills around you, the birds falling silent and the breeze dying. It is as if Nature is holding its breath, too.

The next sound to float through the dead air in the gazebo is a choked sound from the man on the bench, his eyes misting with tears. “So are you breaking the engagement?”

“I don’t...I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” he groans out, head in his hands.

“I need time, Gwilym.”

“How much?”

“I don’t know.”

“But are we still engaged? We can delay the wedding as long as you like, but I need to know, are we still promised to each other?”

He is looking at you with such pitiful eyes, so full of heartbreak that it nearly melts your resolve. You want to fling yourself at him and kiss him, to make him feel better, to tell him that he still has your heart. But you cannot. You will not. It is not fair to either of you. 

Wordlessly, with shaky hands, you extend the bundle of letters to him, crumpled from how tightly you had been gripping them during the shouting. The sight of you holding out the paper fragments of his shattered heart is too much for Gwilym, who begins to cry softly, pushing the letters away.

“Don’t, (Y/N)” he finally chokes out, “I wrote those to you. Please...please, if you give them back, all my hopes will be completely dashed.”

You retract your hands, unsure about what to do. 

“I will wait for you, you know,” he whispers out, tears splashing on the stones below, “as long as you need. Forever, if necessary.”

“Gwilym, I…”

He cuts you off by shaking his head, rising slowly to his feet as his bright blue eyes pierce right to your soul.

“Forever, (Y/N).”

With that, he leaves the gazebo, roughly wiping the tears from his cheeks as he starts purposefully down the hill. You can see Joseph and Benjamin turn to watch from their vantage point far below, their necks craning with curiosity as their friend barrels towards them and the house. You know they will have a million questions, but that is Gwilym’s job to answer. You should leave. 

As you turn to leave the gazebo, you see Joseph staring up at you, his auburn hair shining in the sun as Benjamin falls into step beside Gwilym, who shrugs away the blond man’s arm and heads for the back door of the manor. Even from this distance, his pain hits you like a blow from a blacksmith’s hammer. And Joseph’s steady gaze is not helping you feel any less terrible. Letters in hand, you gather your skirts and dash from the marble temple, practically falling down the steep hillside towards your home.

You have run these paths countless times, hopping fences and skirting around mud-filled ditches, but there is a finality about this particular time, as if you know that you shan’t be returning to Moorhead Park any time soon. Turning to take one last look at the lake, you can still see Joseph standing in the distance, watching you run.

Once you reach your house, you try to run to your room, but Fitzgerald stops you, simply handing you an envelope with a quirk of his brow. The stationary is creamy white and thick, clearly very expensive. On the front is your name, written elegantly in silver ink, the precious material glinting as you shift the paper. You pop the matching silver seal delicately, not recognizing the sigil pressed into the wax; a wreath of flowers, surrounding the letters R.M.

“R.M…?” you muse aloud, unfolding the letter. 

You are cordially invited to the wedding breakfast of Mr. Rami Malek and his betrothed, Ms. Lucy Boynton, to be celebrated directly after their wedding on the eighth of August, 1820, at Boynton House in London.

“But that’s in just three days time,” you gasp, “Oh Lucy, you devil, you should have told me! Fitzgerald, would you please ask the groom to prepare the horses for a trip to London? We shall take the carriage immediately upon Mother and Father’s return.” 

Fitzgerald smiles quizzically at you but does not ask any questions, bowing himself out of the room as you call for your maid.

“Margie? Margie! We need to pack immediately!”

Her head pops around the banister at the top of the stairs, needle and embroidery hoop in hand. 

“Why, Miss?”

You smile cheekily up at her, waving the wedding invitation around. 

“London is calling.”

* * *

Packing your trunks had been the easy part of your escape to London; convincing your parents to let you go had been the more arduous experience. Immediately upon their arrival home from Meddington, you instructed the groom to switch out the horses and load the luggage, much to your mother's chagrin. She promptly pounced on you and demanded to see the invitation, bewildered as to why Mr. Malek and Miss Boynton only invited you, as opposed to the entire family, as she considered the right and proper thing to do. When you offered no satisfactory response other than a shrug, she continued to huff and puff about impropriety for a good ten minutes while watching the groom load the carriage, making no move to stop him.

It was only when Margie mentioned your visit to Mr. Lee in passing that your mother was pulled from her preoccupation with Miss Boynton's manners to begin questioning you mercilessly on that new, far more interesting topic. You had seriously considered concealing the nature of your visit entirely from your parents, but decided that a statement that lingered betwixt truth and falsehood was a better option, telling them that you and Gwilym had mutually decided to put a pause on wedding plans.

While your father had the good grace to look simply confused, your mother nearly fainted from shock, demanding that she be brought inside at once, too overcome to stand. You told her to simply speak to Gwilym on the matter, and that if you and Margie wished to reach London before nightfall, a quick departure was necessary. Both of your parents were too consumed with their own thoughts to try and stop you, so with a hasty goodbye to all in the house, you and Margie set off to the city, a packed lunch basketed between you on the floor.

The ride to London took several hours, and the carriage arrived at your townhouse just as the sun was dipping below the horizon line, painting the cityscape a luscious golden-pink hue. As you had given the house staff no warning, the housekeeper, Mrs. Phillips, was reasonably shocked to see you and Margie, fussing about the state of your bedroom and the lack of a cook for the evening. You assured her that you did not mind a little dust in your bedchamber, and that a dinner of cold ham and salads was perfectly acceptable to you.

Whilst Mrs. Phillips prepared your rooms, you took to the parlor, settling at the desk to write a letter to Lucy and Mr. Malek, informing them of your arrival in London and to offer hearty congratulations on their impending nuptials. The next two days passed without incident nor excitement, with you and Margie taking strolls about the neighborhood and visiting shops, but making no significant purchases or visits to acquaintances. On the eve of the wedding breakfast, Lucy sent you a brief letter, detailing her excitement and anxiety about the wedding celebrations, but expressing most strongly her joy at your attendance, and you retired to bed that night with a smile on your face, finally happy in what felt like forever.

Now, on the day of the wedding, you wake to the sounds of carriages rattling by your window in the street, a din you have grown unaccustomed to due to your many months of country living. Looking to the grandfather clock to the right of the bed, you observe that it is just several minutes past nine 'o'clock, and that Lucy and Mr. Malek must surely be on their way to the church by now, if not already married. After all, all weddings must take place before noon in order to be considered proper and legal.

Rising from the bed, you quickly undo your hair ribbons and ring the bell for Margie, eager to prepare yourself for the assured elegance of this particular wedding breakfast. A union between one of the richest heiresses and most successful merchants of London is sure to be an extravagant affair, and you want to look your best.

Margie quickly appears and begins to rifle through the selection of gowns, finally settling on the purple organza gown you had worn just once before, on that early June night you had first met Mr. Mazzello. How long ago that now seems. The maid seems to sense your preoccupation with the dress, tentatively holding it out to you.

"Is this all right, Miss? I can select another if you do not fancy this one."

"No, Margie, that is lovely," you murmur, turning back to the vanity to slip on a pair of silk shoes, "it would be a shame not to wear that lovely dress here in town."

"Quite right," Margie concurs, beckoning you to stand so she can guide the soft material over your head and arms. In a matter of moments, she has the dress secured in place, and you settle again at the dressing table, letting her deft fingers work their magic in your tresses.

Nearly an hour later, you are suitably dressed and made-up and ready to attend the wedding breakfast. While Margie calls for the carriage, you tie the strings of your matching purple bonnet underneath your chin and select a delicate pink fan from your accessory trunk, in preparation for the August heat.

The carriage ride to the Boynton residence at the heart of the city takes well over 30 minutes, with your black chaise pulling up to the front of the stately townhouse around 11’o’clock, a little later than anticipated, but not too inexcusably tardy. As Margie is not accompanying you to the festivities, she watches from the departing carriage as a footman escorts you to the door, calling out to assure you the carriage will be back in a few hours. You wave her off, and allow yourself to be led into the house, a smile of excitement already pricking at the corners of your lips. 

Despite knowing that both Rami and Lucy’s tastes are quite costly, nothing could have prepared you for the extravagance and elegance of the party that awaits you. Every surface imaginable is festooned with pink roses and white bunting, filling the room with the heady scent of an English garden. The dining table is creaking under the weight of the mighty feast set out for the guests, every type of cold meat, salad, pie, jam, pastry, and candied fruit imaginable crafted into fanciful displays. The most striking piece on the whole buffet is the glorious wedding cake, four tiers high, and enveloped in a cloak of pure white fondant, made from exorbitantly expensive refined sugar. Judging from the hearty slices taken from the cake, as well as the vaguely inebriated state of many of the assembled guests, you assume that the confection is appropriately saturated with rum, as any good wedding cake ought to be. 

Finding the newlyweds is no small feat, but you manage to squeeze through the throngs of people in the dining room to reach the parlor, where Rami and Lucy appear to be holding court, sitting side by side on an elegant green silk loveseat as they receive congratulations and well-wishes from their friends and relatives. You quickly step into the queue that has formed, opening your fan to cool yourself as you wait. After a few minutes, you finally arrive in front of them, and Lucy jumps to her feet, enveloping you in a tight hug.

“Oh, (Y/N), how lovely it is to see you! Thank God you came!”

“I don’t think God had much to do with it, my dear,” Rami drawls, smiling graciously at you, “we did send her an invitation, after all.”

Lucy turns to her husband and scrunches her nose up at him. “You are just terrible, Rami.”

“Well, it’s a little late to have reservations now,” he chuckles, flashing the shiny gold band on his ring finger. 

“May I extend my heartiest congratulations to you both?” you add, stepping back from Lucy, who beams at you again, “Who would have thought that the Earl of Moorhampton’s little country ball would be the place to find love?”

“Do not be so coy, (Y/N)...after all, didn’t you find your love that night, too?” 

Lucy’s flippant little statement makes your stomach do a somersault and your smile falters for a moment, but you are quick to plaster it back on. They do not need to know what shambles your own love life is in. Not on their special day.

You clear your throat and attempt to pivot the conversation as gracefully as possible. “This dress is gorgeous, Lucy! Wherever did you get it?”

“Oh, is it not divine?” she giggles, spinning in a circle, “I drew it up weeks before darling Rami proposed, and my tailor was able to whip it up in no time at all.”

Rami rolls his eyes playfully, which earns him a little tap on the nose from his bride. Both of them cut quite striking figures in their wedding outfits. Lucy’s dress is made of the butteriest off-white cotton overlaid with a transparent dotted silk, the sleeves puffed so elegantly that they appear to be weightless, filled with the breath of angels. Rami’s powder-blue suit contrasts beautifully with Lucy’s ethereal gown, the grey linen undershirt a true stroke of avant-garde fashion genius. It cannot be disputed that they are one of the most fashionable couples in the London scene. 

“I suppose I should let your other guests have their moments with you both,” you demur, nodding slightly at the line of people behind you, but Lucy’s eyes widen in indignation and she gestures for a servant to bring you a chair, which he places beside her in a matter of seconds.

“Nonsense, my friend,” she pouts, “you will sit here by my side until everyone has said hello. Then our real fun can begin.”

For the next thirty minutes, you sit patiently by the couple as they greet every aunt, uncle, distant cousin, and complete stranger who has stopped by to wish them well. The two handle the overwhelming chatter with remarkable grace, navigating all the awkward prayers for a “fruitful union” from some of Lucy’s aunts with only mild blushing. 

When the line has finally petered out, Rami stands and stretches, holding his hand out for Lucy, which she takes eagerly before planting a swift kiss on his cheek.

“Thank heavens that ordeal is over,” he mumbles, “I am positively starved.”

“Why don’t you have something to eat, darling?” Lucy coos, stroking his arm, “spend some time with your family! Sami did travel all the way from America to be with you today.”

She points out a man who looks nearly identical to her husband, albeit a centimeter or two shorter with a slightly softer jaw, whose thick, softly curled hair and charming grin demonstrate clearly that allure and grace is hereditary where the Maleks are concerned. 

“Is that your brother?” you ask, eyes wide, “the family resemblance is so striking!”

“That is because we are twins, Miss Woolmere,” Rami says dryly.

You start at his tone, but his green eyes sparkle with mirth as he tosses his head back and laughs, squeezing Lucy’s hand affectionately before bowing to you, heading off to clap his brother playfully on the shoulder. Your friend stares at her husband’s retreating figure, her face glowing with love. She is every ounce the blushing bride.

“Finally!” she sighs out teasingly, poking you in the arm, “I thought he would never leave.”

“Miss Boynton, I do not believe for a second that you are not head-over-heels in love with that man!”

“You might be right,” she giggles, “and I am now Mrs. Malek to prove your point.”

“Right, of course,” you nod, shaking your head at your own foolishness. 

“We have so much to talk about, my friend. So much! And I have a great favor to ask,too...but none of that yet! Let us get you something to drink, and perhaps a slice of cake!”

“Does that not accomplish the same goal?”

Lucy just grins wickedly at you, tugging you towards the buffet. Once the two of you have laden your plates with treats, she pulls you through the crowd to the entrance hall and up the grand marble staircase, spiriting the two of you away to a bedroom on the second floor.

“My childhood bedroom,” she explains softly, settling down in one of the armchairs by the window, looking out to the street below, “I figured we could have some more privacy here.”

There’s a longing in her tone that matches the melancholy aura of the room. The bed has been stripped of its linens and the vanity is bare. Undoubtedly the closets are empty, too, their contents packed tightly into the trunks piled against the far wall, waiting to be taken to their new home along with their mistress.

“Come sit with me, (Y/N),” Lucy mumbles around a mouthful of cake, briefly dropping the air of decorum that is so stifling downstairs. 

You join her, sitting in the chair opposite her and balancing your plate on your thigh, popping a candied cherry into your mouth, relishing in the tart sweetness as it bursts on your tongue. With a satisfied hum, you smile at Lucy, who returns your grin as brightly, the nostalgic fog fading from her eyes. 

“So, darling, how is the charming Mr. Lee?” she begins, continuing to take forkfuls of cake. 

You gulp, the sweet cherry suddenly turning sickly in your mouth, clinging to your throat as you try to swallow. “Um…”

“Are wedding bells not yet ringing in Ashwick Heath? I would have thought he would have proposed by now,” Lucy asks, her eyes widening with each passing second of silence from you, “No?”

“We...have been engaged, yes,” you finally eke out, and Lucy squeals, clapping her hands together with delight.

“Oh, congratulations, (Y/N)! How exciting! I do hope Rami and I will be back from our honeymoon by the time the two of you are wed! When is the wedding, then? September?”

You simply shake your head, mind racing. How could it be that mere moments ago, this whole affair had been nearly absent altogether from your mind? With quivering hands, you take a sip of brandy, gasping at the dull burn. 

“The wedding preparations are on pause.”

Lucy’s eyes search your face curiously, not understanding your evase phrasing. “For how long?”

“...indefinitely,” you sigh, taking another quick sip of brandy. 

“Did he break the engagement?” Lucy asks incredulously, “the bastard!”

“No, I did,” you confess, “although I truly do not know if the engagement is broken or just...postponed. I do care for him, Lucy. Deeply. And he refused to let me return his letters.”

“But why postpone this all, if you love him?”

“Because it was all too fast,” you choke out, abandoning your plate and glass on the windowsill, “he never...he never actually proposed to me. I did not have time to discover my feelings for myself until it was all spiraling out of control.” 

Lucy can see the anguish on your face and places down her dishes as well, hugging you tight to her chest as she soothes you. 

“Oh, my darling, I am so sorry. So, so sorry.”

The familiar words and gesture of comfort immediately throw you back to the hidden room with Joseph, and you swear you can almost smell orange water and rosemary again. After a few moments, you pull away, trying to not let any of your tears stair your friend’s beautiful gown.

“It is alright, Lucy. I will be fine. I just need time, and that is precisely what I told Gwilym. I suppose I shall have to face him when I return to Ashwick Heath in a few days.”

Suddenly, her concerned expression fades to a cheeky little grin, eyes dancing with mischief. 

“What if you did not have to return to the country so soon?”

“What do you mean?” you sputter out, still wiping tears from your cheeks.

“Well, there has been something I have been meaning to ask you, my dear friend,” Lucy smiles earnestly, kneeling in front of you and taking you by the hands.

“If this is an attempted marriage proposal, I shall have to call your husband, Mrs. Malek,” you chuckle out, gesturing at her position on the floor. 

Lucy giggles, squeezing your hands in hers as she laughs. “No, (Y/N), it is a proposal of a different kind. Would you be my companion on our honeymoon journey?”

“Is not Rami your companion?” you respond quizzically, “what use do you have for me?”

“Of course he is! But Mr. Malek intends to do business while we tour the continent, and I dearly wish for a friend to come, so I can occupy myself whilst he off meeting with other merchants. Besides, most new brides invite a sister or cousin on their post-nuptial trip! It is quite common, you know.”

“But why me?”

“Because my sister is married herself, and none of my cousins are nearly as interesting or fun as you, (Y/N)!” she laughs again, rising to sit in her own chair once again, “and I believe it would be good for you to get out of England for a while...see the world, clear your mind.”

You are equally dumbfounded and flattered by her offer. Never once, in your twenty years of life, have you left this island, and now Lucy is offering you an escape from your troubles, time to ponder the true beatings of your heart. It is a tantalizing offer, the allure so heady you scarcely remember to breathe. There is no chance of Mother and Father ever consenting for you to go. But perhaps...perhaps it is better to ask forgiveness, rather than permission.

“Do you have a pen and paper?”

Lucy cheers with delight and fetches you an inkpot, chattering excitedly to you about the places on the itinerary as you write a letter to your parents. You explain to them that Mrs. Malek specifically requested your presence, and it would be shameful and insolent to refuse such a generous offer. Surely your mother cannot argue with your overtures of propriety. Lucy signs the letter as a testimony to the truth of your words, scampering downstairs to have Rami sign as well. 

Rising from your seat, you slowly make your way back to the staircase, floating down the marble steps as if in a trance. Just think; tomorrow you will be in a carriage to Dover, and then in a few days, on a ship across the channel, heading to....where? Amsterdam? Lisbon? Hamburg? You should have paid better attention when Lucy was talking.

With your letter signed and sealed by both you, Lucy, and Rami, you say your goodbyes, thanking the two of them profusely before heading out to your waiting carriage. Margie smiles at you as you bundle into the chaise and begins asking questions about the celebration, but you simply hand her the letter.

“Please deliver this to Mother and Father when you return to them tomorrow,” you state plainly, “I will not be going back with you.”

“What?” Miss, I cannot allow…”

“Margie, as much as I respect you, this is not a decision you can make,” you say lowly, “I shall be accompanying Mr. and Mrs. Malek on their honeymoon as their special guest, and that is that.”

She stares at you fiercely, but nods, the rest of your rise dissolving into resolute silence. Once back at the house, you and Margie begin to pack your trunk again, the older woman bemoaning your woeful unpreparedness for weeks of travel. You agree with her, but know that when traveling with Lucy, one is bound to shop, and you do not worry one bit about the lightness of your trunk. 

The sun is low in the sky by the time you have finished packing, and Margie helps you change into your nightgown, neatly folding the purple gown and placing it inside the trunk. With a mumbled dismissal, you settle at your desk, pulling out two pieces of parchment, a pen, and sealing wax. There are still two letters that need writing.

Dear Gwilym,

I am writing to you from London, where just this morning I attended the wedding breakfast of your acquaintance Mr. Rami Malek, and his new wife, the former Miss Boynton. How fortunate they were to meet at the ball your father hosted months ago, where you wore that stunning silver suit...I was sure Miss Boynton would have pounced upon you then, if Mr. Malek had not caught her eye! 

I was due to return to Ashwick Heath tomorrow, but Mrs. Malek has asked me to accompany her and her new husband on their honeymoon, as her special companion, to occupy her whilst Mr. Malek conducts some business on the Continent. While I am apprehensive to leave England, I do believe that some time away will quiet my mind, and help me make the important decision I know I must make. 

Please believe me, Gwilym, that I do care for you most deeply. I have not accepted Mrs. Malek’s offer to run away from you. I simply wish to learn more of who I am, in hopes that it will, in turn, make things clear to me. I hope my writing to you is not presumptuous, and if you find it to be so, then I shall not be offended if you deign not to respond. 

However, if you wish to send me letters while I am abroad, I shall send frequent letters to notify you and my parents of my whereabouts. Tomorrow, we leave for Dover, and from there, we sail across the Channel to the Netherlands, I believe. You are in my thoughts, always.

Your affectionate friend,

(Y/N) Woolmere

Placing the letter to the side to let the ink dry, you pull forward the other piece of parchment, its blankness far more intimidating than the first. With Gwilym’s letter, you knew precisely what you needed to say, but this next one...what can you say? Chewing thoughtfully on the tip of the pen, you look out the window at the dying sunlight, the undersides of the gathering clouds burning orange. Whatever else you say, you know you need to say goodbye.

Dear Joseph,

You pause, your pen tip hovering over his name, a droplet of ink splashing next to it. Do you dare to use his first name in a letter that could easily be read by others? Is that not too intimate, a telltale hint of what has transpired between you and the American gentleman? 

It does not matter now, though. He is supposed to leave for New York in a few days. Surely you can use it, just this one last time. You dip your pen and begin again. 

Dear Joseph,

I hope you have been well since last we saw one another. It was quite an abrupt goodbye, and I sincerely regret not being able to say our farewell in person, especially as I so enjoyed spying, if momentarily, on your game of base-ball. Gwilym and Mr. Jones may one day become fine players under your tutelage, although I believe poor Alexander is a lost cause. 

Besides for offering my heartfelt goodbye, I also mean to share with you two pieces of news. The first is that tomorrow, I depart for the Continent with the newly wed Mr. and Mrs. Malek, who have invited me along with them as a companion for their honeymoon journey. You recommended to me in June that I see the world, and I have finally decided to follow your kind advice, sir. I hope you are not angry that I am going to The Netherlands before New York, but I am afraid I have no choice in the matter. Perhaps America shall be my next adventure. 

The other important matter I must divulge to you concerns me and Gwilym. That day in the gazebo, we spoke our souls to each other, and I told him that I need time to sort out my mind, to listen to my heart. Our plans for marriage are currently on hold. I thought that you should hear this from me, although I have no doubt that Gwilym has told all in Ashwick Heath by now.

Perhaps this message is futile, far too late and far too delicate, but I do care for you, Joseph. I meant what I said in that room that day. It pains my heart to know that this is perhaps the last time I will be able to speak with you, and I do hope this letter reaches you before you leave Moorhead Park. Have a safe journey back home, Joseph. I shall miss you most ardently.

Your affectionate friend,

(Y/N) Woolmere

A single tear falls from your eye, undetected until it is too late, splashing down onto the drying ink and smudging the edge of your signature line. You wipe your eye hastily and dab at the wet spot, but it is too late. The word “friend” has been utterly obscured. You ponder waiting for the paper to dry and rewriting, but decide against it, simply folding the two letters once the rest of the ink has dried and addressing them to their respective recipients. 

Taking the stick of sealing wax between your fingers, you place the wick into the candle’s flame, letting the blood-red beeswax soften and drip onto the parchment folds. Once a large enough puddle has gathered on one, you place your seal into the molten pool, letting it harden as you begin to pour wax onto the other letter. When both seals have firmed up, you creep downstairs and leave the letters on the silver mail tray in the entrance hall, for Margie to bring back to the country with her in the morning. 

Climbing the stairs as quietly as possible, you hold your candle aloft, letting the warm glow shine on the shadowy, silent walls. The portrait of your family at the top of the stares looms from the darkness, your parents’ blank stares bringing you an odd sense of comfort. One day, you know, they will understand, and you hope, forgive you for being so wayward. 

The little girl peeking from behind her mother’s skirt catches your eye, her innocent, playful smile tugging at your heartstrings. Will there ever be a world where she would be able to make her own decisions? Would she have actually have decided anything different than what has been decided for you up until now? 

Shaking your head, you smile fondly at the image of your younger self, running a finger along the heavy gilt frame. Those questions do not matter much now. 

What matters is that now, for the first time, you are finally taking your life into your own hands.

~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist (message me if you want to be added!):

@queenbbarnes​ @denimmay​ @bensrhapsody​ @queen-frodo​ @blisshemmings​ @istill-loveyou39​ @rogers-sweatbands​ @sunflower-borhap-boys​ @goodoldfashionedloverboyy​ @joefucksdonuts​ @panicatttckiss​ @a-kind-of-magik​ @itsme690​ @catch-a-deak​ @sweetgcreature​ @rogerloveshiscar​ @rogahhtaylahh​ @fatbottomedstyles​ @caffeine-girl​ @drowseoftaylor​ @manuosorioh​ @sherlollydramoine​ @posh-hersh​ @spacedust1124719​ @brianandthemays​ @bananarama39​ @zstopsall​ @istheresomebodywhocanimagine​ @mexifangorl​ @borhapqueen92​ @kurt-nightcrawler​ @xtrashmammalstefx​ @escabell​ @unicorn-princess-1999​ @misslolasworld​ @cosmicsskies​ @nongenericcroissantrolls​ @painkiller80​ @virtualsheepeat​ @eurolouis​ @simonedk​ @oliviaharddyy​ @crazyweirdocalledfriday​ @song-of-sea-and-sky @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls​ @would-die-for-deacon​ @disco-delilah​ @happy-at-home​ @ramibaby​ @quixoticall​ @rockisadrug​ @meddowstaylors​ @rogertaylors-lipgloss​

[angsty-nerd]

Echo-inspired Season 1 Playlist

So I’ve been meaning to share this for… a really long time.  But I’m kind of glad that I waited so long because I found a bunch more songs to add and ended up doing an edit on this playlist this weekend, so this is where it landed.  It’s a bit of a beast—40+ songs. (And it’s my shorter Echo playlist… I have another one I’m still playing with that has all of these, plus the show’s soundtrack songs, plus recommendations that I’m still considering for future Echo use…so this is the reasonably lengthen one…haha).  If you just want to go to Spotify and check it out, here’s the link.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14ZIHN2MwjfgFbA6yF3RAO?si=5vPkiahyQw-voaZjqMLWsw  

If you want to read my rambles about the progression of the songs and why I picked them, along with some lyrics from each one that make me think of Echo, that beastly monstrosity is below the cut for you!  Here’s just the track list:

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles 2. People Need a Melody - the Head and the Heart 3. A World to Explore - Joshua Radin 4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart 5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie 6. It’s OK - Natalie Taylor 7. Something American - Jade Bird 8. Anchor - Novo Amor 9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young 10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band 11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue 12. The Storm - The Airborne Toxic Event 13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band 14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 15. Ruins - Jade Bird 16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody 17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers 18. Wild Heart - Bleachers 19. Dream - Bishop Briggs 20. Lullaby - Lord Huron 21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre 22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 23. 17 - Jade Bird 24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie 25. Lose that Light - Folly and the Hunter 26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne 27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids 28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor 29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide 30. Courage - P!nk 31. Easy - Camilla Cabello 32. Day Too Soon - Sis 33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore 34. Side by Side - Layup 35. Electric Love - BØRNS 36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow feat. Stephanie Briggs 37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last 38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart 39. Come to this - Natalie Taylor 40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish 41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos 42. Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles 43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows 44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

PRE-SHOW

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles

Stolen from Carina’s Liz mix, and obviously heavy on the Ortecho vibe in general. I might associate it a little more with Rosa back in the flashbacks, being proud of Liz and protective of her.

You think I am high and mighty mister Wait til you meet my little sister

2. People Need A Melody - the Head and the Heart

This song just gives me images of Max sitting at home over the years, listening to music, and then Bright Eyes comes on and it just takes him back to that day in the desert when he was lucky enough to be openly in love with Liz for one day before everything went to hell. 💔

All those books in your head, Is that all this really was? Just a role you play that you could hide behind Is it what you want? To bury yourself away Before your time goes I don’t want a love that holds us back I don’t want a life that I can’t have

Cause people need a melody to open their eyes Like a key to a memory frozen in time Holding onto everything, you’re stuck in the past Boy, when you gonna learn the world moves fast?

3. A World to Explore - Josh Radin

Liz leaves on her road trip, pushing the past away, and moving forward into her new life.

Yesterday rains came Everything’s changing The past has closed its door Well I know there’s something more I know there’s so much more So far to go On this open road, a world to explore So far to go On this open road, away we go

4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart

Somewhat self explanatory, I think. Mostly I just think of Max staying in Roswell haunted by all of the what ifs, and how close he and Liz came to being something real.

Did you find what you were looking for? Had to open every single door I get the feeling you’ve been here before From a missed connection Don’t tell me I lost a step Criss-crossed in the wrong direction Found myself in a conversation From a missed connection

5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie

This is, like, my #1 Max over the 10 year gap song. I just hear him all through it, haunted by Rosa’s death and the coverup, heartbroken by Liz’s sudden departure, and trapped in his life.  

Sometimes I’m overcome by every choice I couldn’t outrun… And I wonder where you are tonight If the one you’re with is a compromise Cause we’re walking lines in parallel That will never meet and it’s just as well

6. It’s Ok - Natalie Taylor

You know in the pilot, Max says he used to think about what he’d say if he ever saw Liz again. Meaning he didn’t really anymore. Meaning at some point he let go of the hope of her returning to Roswell. That’s kind of where my mind goes listening to this song.

It only hurts me to live this way Holding on to yesterday… Close my eyes, you’re gone And I’m the only one still holding on It’s ok I’ve got to let you go

7. Something American - Jade Bird

I have an old-school song fic just waiting to come out inspired by this song… I hear a lot of different things in it. Mostly I hear Max and the memory of Liz and Cameron in it. With a little bit of Kyle thrown in too.

In my dreams I find The stars align and they all collide And it’s you and I back in time It feels so right But you don’t call me now And I don’t think too much about you When she’s not around I can feel you’re lonely

PILOT

8. Anchor - Novo Amor

Max’s reaction to Liz finally coming home & hoping she’ll stay.

I hear your ship is coming in Your tears a sea for me to swim I hear a storm is coming in My dear, is it all we’ve ever been Anchor up to me, love

9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Max gets that brief smile on his face when he’s watching Liz dance in the Crashdown, before he lets her know he’s there. And this is what I hear going through his head in that moment.

When we were strangers I’d watch you from afar When we were lovers I’d love you with all my heart… Because I’m still in love with you I want to see you dance again

10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

It honestly took me a long time to get on board with adding this one, because it’s such an important OG Max/Liz song.  But a while back in one of her Q&As, Carina said that if she could give the pilot a title it’d be this, and even with this different version of Max and Liz it still is the perfect song and perfect metaphor for their experience in the pilot.

Lost for you I’m so lost for you You come crash into me

11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue

I mean…. 

Do I need to say anything more?  Okay, well here are some lyrics to emphasize my point.

She’s a diamond in the coal Something that enchants my soul Graceful and captivating Just one glance and my mind is invaded… So should I try really really hard Or just keep loving you from afar… Oh can we walk into the sunset Until our bodies are silhouettes Cause busy days cause busy lives And maybe you’ll just keep on walking by Are my hopes just gonna suffocate in my doubt Or am I being my anxious self drowning my chances out

SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW

12. The Storm - the Airborne Toxic Event

I definitely stole this from someone else’s Echo mix…but take it as a compliment! I definitely see a little bit of Liz coming home in this song, both from her perspective and Max’s. But in my playlist’s narrative I also see this as being kind of like the end of 1x02, when Liz makes the decision to stay and investigate Rosa’s murder.

I surprise myself sometimes The way the days unfold and this road unwinds You tell me you see it too And the miles seem like inches when I think of you It’s been 25 days since I’ve been gone 25 weeks since I’ve seen my home I spent 25 months chasing this song and all of this time I’ve been alone Then you walk right through the doorway You tell me you’re here to stay

TEARING UP MY HEART

13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

So if the last song was the end of 1x02, that means now we’re in the awkward, heartbreaking period where Max is pouring his heart out, and Liz is pretending to feel nothing because she doesn’t trust him. 💔 Which is basically the running theme for the next few songs…

You cannot quit me so quickly There’s no hope in you for me… The space between the wicked lies we tell And hope to keep safe from the pain… We’re strange allies with warring hearts…

14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

My brother played this song while we were driving from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon in February.  It was the morning after Smells Like Teen Spirit aired, Liz had just told Max that she never wanted to see him again, and I heard this song for the first time and said to myself, “YES.”

All around your island there’s a barricade That keeps out the danger that holds in the pain Sometimes you’re happy sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean half of me is sky But you’ve got a heart so big it could crush this town But I can’t hold out forever even walls fall down

15. Ruins - Jade Bird

Just…I think about Max and that painful scene between him and Liz at the end of this episode, and how much her accusations throw him off.  And the resulting explosion that caused the blackout.

How do we have to do this again? I’ll tell you how I’m feeling You’re like a cryptomaniac trying to connect the dots and the facts How do we have to be here? ‘Cause these hotels, I just can’t relax The more I bend, the worse that I snap I feel like a goddamn maniac

Tell me what did I do to deserve somebody like you? It’s too hard to tell the truth nothing’s real and nothing’s rude I’m just a product of my emotions and they’re all setting off again… You sure you wanna do this now? Oh, you sure you wanna do this now?

'Cause I mean it when I say that I don’t understand And I mean it when I say that I’m not sure who I am 'Cause one minute I love you and the next it’s all in ruins One minute thinking of you and the next my mind’s in ruins

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE

16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody

Very much the Crashdown “how do you truly feel about me” scene.

Find myself at your door just like all those times before I’m not sure how I got there all roads, they lead me here I imagine you are home in your room, all alone And you open your eyes into mine and everything feels better And right before your eyes I’m breaking No past, no reasons why just you and me This is the last time I’m asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I’m asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

DON’T SPEAK

Don’t Speak is one of my favorite chunks of this playlist. I love the pre-pilot set of songs, this set, and then the Recovering the Satellites to the end set the most out of all of this whole thing. Just thought I’d share. Also 3 of my 4 favorite episodes. Hmmm… 🤔

17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers

So, this is kind of my interpretation of Max’s POV after learning that Isobel sent Liz away. I feel like that knowledge and the realization that Michael and Isobel had manipulated the biggest heartbreak of his life, and lied to him for a decade about it, kind of freed him in a sense.  And for the first time he felt like he could stop hiding and release his guilt.  If Liz hadn’t been in trouble, I think he would have gone straight to her and confessed everything.

It doesn’t get easier the further I run It gets harder to carry the weight of what I’ve done I am speaking from experience I don’t wanna run no more

18. Wild Heart - Bleachers Pretty much same themes as above.  These two songs to me are kind of the combo of that determination in Max.  Above is more focused on his guilt and wanting to reveal the truth.  This one is more about his love for Liz and his determination to find her and protect her and love her.

As I sat with the echoes of lies that I told I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts… Well, everything has changed And now it’s only you that matters I will find any way to your wild heart

19. Dream - Bishop Briggs

I don’t remember who did a fanvid to this…was it Mo? It was wonderful and it’s perfect for the end of this episode.  Max running to save Liz from Wyatt Long and wanting to come clean to her, even though he knew it would likely still make her turn away from him. Liz breaking down at the end…sniffles.

Oh, I had a dream that you couldn’t hear me screaming Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn’t stop you leaving I wanna wake up where your love is 'Cause your love is always waking mine

I wanna break down where your heart gets So torn it’s almost breaking mine I wanna lay here, lost and bitter So long, I feel like I could die I wanna tell you what my truth is But it’s buried down inside

20. Lullaby - Lord Huron

I heart this song… and I think it speaks to Liz in this episode so much.  The danger she puts herself in, Wyatt!Noah coming after her, Max desperately wanting to protect her… 

You arrive along with the sun Where have you been darlin’? What have you done? You were out finding trouble again There’s a fire in your eyes and there’s blood on your hands Come inside and lie down to sleep You ain’t gonna run and you know that you’re beat Rest awhile, they’re coming for you There’s a price to be paid for the things that we do

Fall asleep and forget all your troubles Dream of laughter and old friends and lovers Dream of when you were innocent

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre Early in the episode, when they were happy and innocent. I feel like this song just kind of captures that young love, high school vibe.

Watch me when you look my way See me smiling, be my night and day Touch me in your own sweet way Feel me tremble, you take my words away All of the time I love you Make you a rhyme, I love you

22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Here’s another Tom Petty song from my brother’s playlist that we listened to on the way to the Grand Canyon on the day after this episode aired.  I heard it, and immediately thought of the Pod Squad (and Liz) and how the incidents surrounding Rosa’s death kind of forced them all out of their youth and into a traumatic adulthood.  Also I think it kind of bridges back to the present with Max telling Liz the story of Rosa’s death and her reaction towards him at the end of the episode.

We grew up fast when lies were just a fact of life We grew up mad cause we never had a home… Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down No, I just can’t lie down, I just can’t lie down Well, you know who I am So don’t treat me like I’m someone else… You never talk like that to no one else You never scream like that for no one else

23. 17 - Jade Bird

This…just…the look on Max’s face when Liz runs out after telling him she never wants to see him again. It’s like his heart is breaking all over again.

You asked me to be yours, well you’re tempting fate How I left a promise but it’s one I can’t make Lord knows it’d kill me if you walked away But darling my lies, they hide you from the pain Stay, let me explain why I act so mean Don’t look away, baby, it’s not all that it seems I’m so afraid that you’ll just get up and leave My heart will break like I’m 17

I SAW THE SIGN & BARELY BREATHING

24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie

“Liz Ortecho is my hurricane.”  Max is such a ball of anger and angst in this episode.  This song may lean a little more on the anger side than really played out in the episode, but I still think it works, considering that Liz spends much of this episode creating the serum.

You used to be such a delicate kid A lonely fish in a sea full of squid So I can’t blame you for leaving how you did You just fell off the grid 'Cause heaven is a hole in the sky The stars are cracks in the ceiling of night But you can’t be your own alibi As hard as you try It’s a tired refrain you’re singing over and over again As you try to explain who’s at fault for your mistakes But I won’t be the debris in your hurricane

25. Lose That Light - Folly and the Hunter

I don’t recall where I got this song from…it may have come from someone else’s playlist.  But it makes me think about how rough of a go Max has it in Barely Breathing and how Liz is, like, the light that kind of guides him through it, that he has faith in to save his sister.

In my arms you fell, after fighting tooth and nail. The convictions you have are all gone now. You followed that trail, just to take a chance and fail. Do not let that dark voice call you out Even if it gets hard, don’t lose that light…

26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne

I see this as the end of the episode, when they are so close to being on the same page, but Liz is still afraid and still puts up that wall.  Max sees how amazing she is, how she’s willing to fight to save Isobel for him.  And Liz is beginning to feel it as well, because the drive to do it for Max, to comfort him, was so powerful.  “My heart is like paper” = Max, “yours is like a flame” = Liz.

Tell me what you’re feeling I can take the pain Tell me that you mean it That you won’t leave again Tell me what your heart wants Such a simple thing My heart is like paper Yours is like a flame

SONGS ABOUT TEXAS

27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids

This song just makes me think about that vibe all through Songs About Texas prior to the kiss.  The heart eyes looks, the touches, how close they are to going there, even though it hasn’t happened yet.  This is also the only song I couldn’t find lyrics for online so I transcribed as best I can, but I couldn’t figure one line out, so I just left it off the post! Sorryyyy… 

I guess you win, I guess I’ll see you around again Locked eyes, brushed hands. I’ll lie and say we’re only friends Yes I want you but I don’t want to Cause I can’t hold you when I want to So maybe I’m selfish, maybe it’s reckless Maybe I’m out of my mind

Ooh you make me weak you, you make me seek you You’d make me dive down to the depth of your ocean Ooh if I could hold you… I’d make these colors real

28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor

Throughout this whole episode I feel like there’s a general sense of Liz giving up her fight against Max.  She can’t hide how much she loves him anymore.  She hasn’t quite decided to be with him yet…but throughout the episode that wall thins more and more until she finally does give in to him.

No one will win this time I just want you back I’m running to your side Flying my white flag, my white flag… Whenever you’re ready, whenever you’re ready Can we, can we surrender I surrender

29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide

I’m pretty sure this came from another Echo playlist…because it’s the perfect song to represent Max’s speech to Liz to reveal how well he sees her.

I find it hard to believe you don’t know The beauty you are But if you don’t let me be your eyes A hand to your darkness, so you won’t be afraid When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you’re twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I’ll be your mirror, reflect what you are

30. Courage - P!nk

That split second before Liz decides to grab Max and pull him in for the kiss…

See, I let the light in the darkest places Let the sun shine, pain goes away Nothing is permanent for me Have I the courage to change?

31. Easy - Camilla Cabello

It’s almost ridiculous how Echo’s first kiss this song is. Like, seriously, Camilla? Do you watch RNM? Are you an Echo shipper? Is this your own personal fan song?

You really, really know me The future and the old me All of the mazes and the madness in my mind You really, really love me You know me and you love me And it’s the kind of thing I always hoped I’d find

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Touch me 'til I find myself, in a feeling Tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy All I know is you, heal me when I’m broken, heal me when I’m broken All I know is you, saved me and you know it, saved me and you know it

32. Day Too Soon - Sia

Liz making the choice that it is finally the right time for her to stop running. Okay, Max has been waiting patiently, but for Liz everything has finally perfectly collided.

Pick me up in your arms Carry me away from harm You’re never gonna put me down I know you’re just one good man You’ll tire before we see land You’re never gonna put me down You’ll risk all this for just a kiss I promise I will not resist

Promise you won’t hold me down And when we reach a good place Let’s be sure to leave no trace Promise they won’t track us down

Now I’ve been running all my life I ran away, I ran away from good Yeah, I’ve been waiting all my life You’re not a day, you’re not a day too soon

33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore

Awesome cover of 90’s song? Check! Super romantic to the point of almost cheesy? Check! It’s got Echo getting together written all over it.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy. I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need. I’ll love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do I want to stand with you on a mountain I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me

I DON’T WANT TO MISS A THING, CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA, CREEP

34. Side By Side - Layup

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of songs for this chunk of episodes for Echo. But they’re finally together, on the same team, being awesome, so that’s pretty much all I’m getting at with this song.

And so, now I go down all these roads with you, my home And now, I’ll keep you close I hope you know - I love you most So here I walk by your side, oh, on our own time Oh, we’ll be alright, as long as we stay side by side From the coldest nights to warmer degrees we’ll get by You and I, side by side

RECOVERING THE SATELLITES

35. Electric Love - BØRNS

I mean… Alien!God Max channeling all that lightning to get the job done is fucking sexy. And then he just marches home to worship his love the way Liz deserves. *nods firmly*

Baby you’re like lightning in a bottle I can’t let you go now that I got it All I need is to be struck By your electric love Baby, you’re electric love Electric love Rushing through me I feel your energy rushing through me…

36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow f/ Stephanie Briggs

Echo love scene. Just ignore that Liz is not wearing a dress. Everything else fits. And the chorus? *chefs kiss* “Because I’ve seen you and I know you”...ties right back to their first kiss and Max proving to Liz that he isn’t holding onto some high school fantasy.  “And I’m not going anywhere”...it breaks my heart because it was 100% true in that moment…but hours later Max is dead. 😭

I bet your shoulders can hold more than just the straps of that tiny dress That I’ll help you slide aside when we get home I’ve seen 'em carry family and the steel drum weight of me Effortless, just like that dress that I’ll help off I bet your back can carry more than just the weight of your button-down One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home I’ve seen you carry family and all my insecurities One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home

Because I’ve seen you And I know you And I’m not going anywhere

37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last

This is, like, the most Max song ever. Especially where his head is at right at the end of Recovering the Satellites after he and Liz make love, when he is straight up in worshipful puppy mode.  It makes me both 😍 and 😭, because I love how much he loves her, but I know how unhealthy his devotion is, and that it leads to him dying. 

Sweetheart, you look a little tired when did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home stay as long as you need Tell me, is something wrong? If something’s wrong, you can count on me You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat It’s okay if you can’t find the words Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest I know exactly how the rule goes put my mask on first No, I don’t want to talk about myself tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up ‘til you’re good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too I don’t even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached What a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you, love Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached I will love you without a single string attached

38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart

In my head this is another afterglow, Max manic on love & power and it pushes him to do something crazy song...I both see he and Liz happy together in his bed in the morning sunlights and flickering firelight...and Max deciding to heal Rosa. 😍😭

These are just flames burning in your fireplace I hear your voice and it seems as if it was all a dream I wish it was all a dream I see a world, a world turning in on itself Are we just like hungry wolves howling in the night I don’t want no music tonight

Every time I hear another story Oh the poor boy lost his head Everybody feels a little crazy But we go on living with it

39. Come to This - Natalie Taylor

Liz crying over Max’s body 😭😭😭. There is no heart eyes here.  It’s all just paaaain. 😭😭😭

How can this happen? How can this be? There is no ending, there is no peace The darkness is so close The light so quickly goes And now it’s all gone Now it’s all gone Will you hear me when I speak? Do you feel the pain with me? I’ve tried to be so strong I thought that hope would come But you’re not here

Oh, the darkness keeps its grip Oh, how’d it come to this? Oh, please come back Please come back

40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

More Liz crying over Max’s body…and just love and pain and death and sadness. 😭😭😭

Retrace my lips Erase your touch It’s all too much for me Blow away Like smoke in air How can you die carelessly? Our love is six feet under I can’t help but wonder If our grave was watered by the rain Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom?

POST-SEASON 1

These are just kind of my headcanon songs of various post-S1 reactions from Liz at various different dark moments.

41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos

I see a lot of people attribute this song to Liz at the beginning of the show, but I think it’s more appropriate at the end of the season. I’d love it if they use this song in Season 2.  I see it more as Liz putting the walls she had at the beginning of the show back up again after loving and losing Max, which would break my heart. But I think it’s how she would cope while he’s gone and then those walls would come back down.

Hello, my old heart It’s been so long Since I’ve given you away And every day, I add another stone To the walls I built around you To keep you safe

Oh, oh, don’t leave me here alone Don’t tell me that we’ve grown For having loved a little while Oh, oh, I don’t wanna be alone I wanna find a home And I wanna share it with you

42. Poetry By Dead Men - Sara Bareilles

I can see this scene in my head. I can see Liz and Max both longing for this scene in their head. Just the simple domesticity of drinking coffee together in the afterglow, while Max reads poetry to Liz.  Except that he had to go and die first and that just fucking sucks.  So I hear some anger and a little bit of “don’t let the door hit you on your way out” in this song, and I could see Liz occasionally just having moments of anger in her grief where she feels this way. Briefly.

By the time you hear this, who knows where I might be Singing about another near-miss love that ended incomplete I was ready, but you weren’t So jump with your net from this bridge you’ve burned I wanted to tell you things, all the secrets I’ve been keeping I saw it in front of me, but then you just kept disappearing A good dream, almost, now I tell your ghost

I wanted to be your girl in a white T-shirt Over coffee, stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men I wanted to be your girl with your hands on my skin Stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men

43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows

This is one of the few episode titles where the lyrics actually get to me, like in a plotty way. But not necessarily from what happens in the episode, so much as the idea of Liz questioning later whether the brief moment of love she had with Max was worth all of the accompanying pain. 😭😭😭😭

So why’d you come home to this sleepless town? It’s a lifetime commitment, recovering the satellites All anybody really wants to know is When you’re gonna come down, when you’re gonna come down But we only stay in orbit for a moment of time And then you’re everybody’s satellite I wish that you were mine, I wish that you were mine

44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

Definitely stole this from someone else, but it’s perfect and I love ending with it, because even though it’s loaded down with all of the pain we’re feeling at the end of the season, it also has a little twinge of hope and possibility for that future day when Max comes back (which we all know he will)!  So in other words, it’s 😭😭😍😍

The sky looks pissed The wind talks back My bones are shifting in my skin And you my love are gone My room feels wrong The bed won’t fit I cannot seem to operate And you my love are gone

I’ll never say that I’ll never love But I don’t say a lot of things And you my love are gone

So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take, Then I will take, The chain from off the door

[rosesformark]

allure - mark lee : [01]

genre: angst, fluff, college au, fratboy!mark

pairing: mark lee x reader

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: attention and affection, the things he thrived off and wanted most in the world. but would it be at the expense of the one he loves most?

A/N: wooo i’m really excited to start this mark lee fic :)) this is just the beginning, the juicy parts has yet to come hehe. but how is this for an intro? I’m not sure how long this will be but i do want to make it pretty lengthy. any feedback is welcomed!! uwu i always say this but your requests haven’t been forgotten, i’m just taking my time with them to avoid rewriting the same plots since a lot of you asked for angst!! LOL btw i love mark and i hope you enjoy reading :> stay tuned for mORRrreEEE

MAR. 27, 2019

[2:37 AM]

“Let’s run away together.”

His sheets, a solid black, matched the night sky outside the window, moonlight filtering the bedroom with a mute but silvery atmosphere. The blankets were snuggly wrapped around both your frames as his words drifted softly through the air. His arms wound around your shoulders, squeezing slightly as you snuggled deeper into his neck.

His blunt words made your heart stutter, the endless possibilities popping into your head. You quickly shot them down though, not daring to raise your hopes up.

“That’s quite a bold statement,” you say. Nevertheless, a giggle went past your lips as you looked up and met his eyes. He held them steadily as his eyes, that you swore held the stars, began to crinkle and his cheekbones slowly became more prominent. He let out a chuckle and pressed his lips firmly against the crown of your head, holding you tighter if that was even possible.

“I’m serious, even if it’s for one week. Let’s just leave this place together where no one can find us and we can do whatever the hell we want.” Normally, when one uses his choice of uncertain words, it would scare you. But, you knew him, you knew that with the air of determination he had at that moment, held some sort of truth that eased your restless thoughts at open-ended promises. Mark was always a dreamer, he liked being on his feet and would constantly tell you of his ambitions and goals. Whether it be outings with the boys or over the top dates with you, he never failed to achieve them to the best of his ability.

Realistically speaking though, you both were young college students so what could you actually do? So, you decided to play along, “When would you have the time? The frat needs you, they would hate for me to take away their big,” you were left with a bitter taste as you said the last few words. Except for a few, most of Mark’s frat buddies absolutely detested when he suddenly stopped sleeping around and getting pissed off drunk nearly every night. Which was after he had started seeing you.

The idea though, of you and him together. It sounded so delightfully sweet and selfish that you couldn’t help the blush passing through your cheeks, heart fluttering. You pulled the covers up underneath your chin.

Mark rustled a bit, ruffling the sheets and turning to face you better. “Don’t think about them for now, it’s just you and me.” His signature smirk could be seen through the dark as he slowly intertwined his fingers in yours.

“Mark, you didn’t even tell them about us yet…”

“Shh, that’s not as important.” Your heart sunk at his statement and it showed in the way you slightly pulled away from him. He immediately caught your actions and moved to stop you, placing the palm of his hand against the dip of your back. Hurriedly, he continued, “What’s important is how we feel. Whats between us. You know how I feel about you so don’t worry about it,” he softly caressed your cheek, eyes dipping down to meet yours as he whispered softly, “Okay?”

You were hesitant for a moment. He always did this, always avoided talking about your relationship yet making endless promises like the hopeless romantic he is.You couldn’t help it though. His black hair fluttered against his eyes and compared to daytime Mark, with his wavy hair parted, he looked so loving and adorable. Looking into his deep eyes, the moonlight hit them in a way where it seemed like they were endless, with you falling deeper and deeper into their abyss. This was your favorite Mark, the Mark that let down his walls and wasn’t afraid to show his emotions towards you.

You exterior started melting as he softly rubbed your back, he knew your weaknesses and used them well to his advantage when he wanted you to cave. You mumbled a soft okay and he broke out into a grin. He then proceeded to press you into his chest as his nose nuzzled itself into your hair.

“That’s my girl.”

⋯

MAR. 27, 2019

[8:42 AM]

You cursed as you continued walking towards the campus library. Struggling to carry the intimidating amount of books piled into your arms, you really wished Kyungsoo didn’t called for the incredibly last minute meeting.

You had to unwillingly untangle yourself in the morning from Mark’s arms, if Kyungsoo had not said that it was an extreme, super duper emergency, you would not have left the boy you were so infatuated with for the world.

Imagine your distaste when Kyungsoo followed up with a text stating “coffee shop”, indicating a simple study session and not an extreme, super duper emergency. But alas, he was your best friend and if he knew that the reason you couldn’t come was because you were with campus heartthrob, frat boy and apparently fuck boy ahoy Mark Lee, you would never hear the end of it.

So, in the end, you snuck out of Mark’s room and into yours to grab at least what looked to be five thick textbooks. As you glared at the stack in your arms, you regretted being in such a rush that you didn’t even notice two of the books weren’t even yours.

You let out a loud groan as in the midst of your struggle, said textbooks decided to fall off your stack and topple on the cement ground. You stopped for a moment and unsteadily shoved the other three books in the crook of your arm; without thinking, you leaned down to grab the two textbooks while forgetting about the laws of physics and managing to lose grip on the other three.

As if in slow motion, and also at the moment you seemed to be questioning whether higher education was worth it, two pairs of arms shot out to help you. One pair went for the books already on the ground while the other pair caught your three books in mid fall and immediately helped straighten them in your arms.

You let out a sigh of relief as your eyes trailed the arms that were gripping yours. Your eyes widened as they met a pair of familiar, dark brown eyes that just last night, you shamelessly were staring in. Mark’s lips turned up into a grin as his fingers lingered near your waist, you felt the blood rush to your face as you realized just how close you two were standing.

Mark opened his mouth and was ready to speak when a loud cough from your side made you jump back. Mark hardly flinched as his arms remained in their position, gripping nothing but air. Which would’ve been funny to look at if it weren’t for Kyungsoo’s questioning eyes boring into yours, clearly directed at how close you were towards the campus heartthrob and had made no indication of pushing him away.

You avoided his gaze as he thrust out the textbooks that had fallen on the floor to you. You hands almost gripped the smooth covers when all of the sudden Mark snatched the textbooks out of Kyungsoo’s hand, quite roughly if you may add.

Kyungsoo immediately shot his signature glare as Mark merely smirked at him, “Ah thanks man, these were mine actually.” It was only then that you put two together and realized those textbooks were probably ones that Mark had left over the last time you had a study date. You internally pinched yourself for your stupidity.

“Are you sure? Y/n clearly was the one who dropped it in the first place.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, don’t worry about it.”

You could tell that Mark’s unbothered tone irked Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo never liked Mark, something about what happened when they were in highschool and adding Mark’s reputation on top of that, it was needless to say that Mark absolutely grinded Kyungsoo’s gears. His protective side was practically bursting at this point, which normally would warm your heart but considering its towards Mark, not so much. Before Kyungsoo started something, you jumped in to retort, “Yeah, he dropped them. You must’ve seen wrong, Soo.”

You mustered up the most innocent face you could as Kyungsoo’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Mark. You were about to crack when finally, Kyungsoo turned around and muttered, “Okay, let’s go then,” proceeding to walk in the direction of the coffee shop.

You didn’t make two steps before Mark pulled you back by the elbow, making you slightly lose your balance and crash into his chest from behind. You sprang away just in case Kyungsoo turned back to catch your flustered being as you sent daggers towards Mark’s teasing face. Even with the previous tension from before, he still maintained a relaxed state that was also shown through his clothing for the day, grey sweatpants paired with a simple white tee that made you glance again at his broad shoulders.

“You forgot something, love” If it wasn’t for the blatant pet name that caught you off guard, it was definitely the quick peck to your forehead that although made your heart flutter, also made you worriedly glance around for anyone that caught the intimate action.

Mark let out a small chuckle and used his hand that wasn’t holding the textbooks to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Why you so worried, love?”

“Because you keep calling me love when anybody could hear, Mark”

He ignored your statement, pouted and spoke softly, “You left so early this morning you didn’t even notice you took my books with you.”

“You wouldn’t even have been able to take them since they were at my dorm.”

“True, but since you lose track of how many books you have, it made you accidentally take them from your stack and carry them all across campus before you realized they weren’t yours.”

“Aren’t you a smart one today?”

He let out a loud laugh and drew back his hand that made you instantly crave for it again. “I wish I could kiss you right now, you’re being so cute and sassy.”

“Then why don’t you?”

He didn’t answer and simply smiled at you. The smile that showed all of his teeth but with the knowing fact that it always made you melt so you would forgive him for his actions.

He once again, ignored your prying questions, “Are you still coming to the party tonight?” he leaned in to your ear and whispered, “We’ll have more time to do what we want.”

You shuddered at his deep voice and the suggestiveness that came with it, cheeks burning as Mark smirked at his clear effect on you.You were about to answer before a pair of girls interrupted you to catch Mark’s attention.

“Mark! C’mon, we’ll be late to class.” Their high pitched voices called out to him as they gazed longingly at Mark’s presence. The green monster immediately jumped out the longer they stared at him, even more so when he turned around and gave them a charming grin, obnoxiously living up to the campus heartthrob name.

“I’ll see you later, baby.” He flashed you a smile that you knew were only reserved for you. It still didn’t hurt any less though when he started walking with the girls and made no move to push them away when one of them linked arms with him. You stared at his back as you were left with a highly disappointed feeling.

You and Mark weren’t official, yes. But he sure as hell did act the part when and only behind closed doors. You’ve had numerous talks about this but they always ended with Mark somehow diverting the conversation elsewhere and you were left with the feeling of unsettledness.

He never reciprocated other girls actions but he sure didn’t stop them. Mark has always told you that only you could affect him in a that way but judging by his reputation and past experiences you’ve seen, he has always thrived off of other’s attention and affection.

You snapped out of your daze just as your phone buzzed in your pocket. Pulling it out, you saw that you had several messages from “m :)”.

9:23 AM >> baby, don’t be jealous

9:23 AM >> you know i only have eyes for you

9:23 AM >> pls come to the party tho, i miss you already and i want to spend time with you :(

what if i don’t want to spend time w you? << 9:24 AM

9:24 AM >> you can’t lie to me and you know it

9:24 AM >> cmon, it’ll be fun!

9:24 AM >> cause you’ll be there with me ;)

You chuckled at his reply and stared at his contact picture. It was a picture of you two cuddling while playing around with Snapchat filters. Pink hearts danced around your heads as his face was pressed on top of yours, his hair messily sprayed on top his head, you were smiling widely and he was adorably pouting. It was such a lovey-dovey, borderline cringe worthy couple photo but it never failed to warm your entire being. You only wished you could display it on your lock screen for the world to see.

Your smile broke when Kyungsoo’s face flashed across the screen indicating a phone call coming through, making you gasp. You had completely forgot about the study session with him and had let him walk on his own when you were preoccupied with Mark. Purposely declining the call, you pivoted your feet and immediately started jogging towards the coffee shop, Potted. In the midst of your jog, you sent a few quick texts to Mark and started sprinting as Satansoo started flashing in the very deep pits of your mind.

I’ll be there << 9:27 AM

but not for you >:( << 9:27 AM

9:27 AM >> whatever you say, love. can’t wait to see you tonight :)

⋯

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[solei28]

Coffee, Pie, You- Chapter 1

Here is a new fic I’m working on. I’d love to know what you guys think. 

James was walking down Clarkson Avenue in Brooklyn. He had just left Kings County Hospital after stopping an armed robbery in progress. It had happened a few blocks away and he made it there just in the nick of the time. The man being mugged had been hit in the face with the gun robber had before aiming it at the man’s head.

For once, James thanked his nightmares. Had it not been for them tonight, that poor man would’ve been killed for a few measly bucks and a watch.

He had started going for long walks at night knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep. Tonight, his walk saved a life.

After beating the crap out of the thug and calling the cops, he took the ride in the ambulance with the victim. This way he could make sure the man was going to be alright and let the officer who went with them know what had happened. Both the man and the office were surprised when they found out who he was.

“Thank you so much, Sergeant,” the man said tears in his eyes. “How can I ever repay you?”

James shook his head quickly. “There’s no need to. It’s what my job.”

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s an honor to meet you, sir,” the officer said shaking his hand. “I’m Riley Fitzgerald.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” James said. “Do you need anything else from?” He asked as they pulled into the emergency room parking lot.

Riley shook his head. “No, Sir. That’s all.”

James gave a curt nod. “Well, have a good night.” He looked at the man. “You’re in good hands from here. Please, be careful in the future.” And, with that, he jumped out of the ambulance and continued his walk.

He was starting to feel hungry and wondered if there was anything open this late. To his delight and surprise, he found a food kiosk. The sign above it read Curious Delights. As he approached, the aroma of coffee and bacon made his mouth water. Then, he saw the woman behind the counter, back to him, flipping a pancake over.

He watched for a moment as she swayed her hips to a song playing from her phone. She grabbed an aluminum plate and began to stack the food from the grill in it. She was humming as she turned around and finally saw him standing there.

“Oh, hello,” you say sweetly, hiding the fact that the man startled you a bit. “What can I get for ya?”

James smiled shyly. You were so pretty and had the softest eyes he’s ever seen. “Um, a coffee, cream, and 2 sugars, please.”  

“Small, medium or large?” You ask putting the plate to the side.

James thought about it for a moment. “Medium is fine, thanks.”

“Sure thing.” You turn and grab a medium cup to his coffee. You look at him over your shoulder. “Would you like something to go with it? Maybe, a hot sandwich or a slice of pie?”

James bit his lip. He was hungry, but he didn’t know what he was in the mood for. Apparently, you read it on his face.

You handed him his coffee and then a menu. “Here, take a look. While you pick something out, I’m going to have breakfast.” You grabbed the plate of food.

James chuckled. “You know what? I’ll have what you’re having if it’s not too much trouble?”

“It would never be too much trouble, Sergeant,” you said with a wink. You laughed at the expression on his face. He looked like an adorable confused puppy. “Yes, I know who you are. Kinda hard not to. You are an Avenger.”

Smiling sheepishly, he said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He took a sip of his coffee and his eyebrows went up. “I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had.”

Your cheeks went pink at the genuine compliment. “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” You quickly turned to the grill and began making his food.

James looked around at the empty streets and then at his watch. It was 1:37 am. “So, are you always out here so late?”

“Only 4 nights a week. I do the graveyard shift. I’m here from 11 at night to 9 in the morning,” you tell him grabbing 2 eggs. “How do you want your eggs?”

“However you like them,” James answered and took another sip of coffee. It really was delicious. He couldn’t wait to try your food. “You’ve got guts being out here all night alone. These streets are dangerous.”

“Over easy, it is, then.” You turn and smile at him. His heart flutters. “Ah, it’s not so bad. Since I’m so close to Kings County, my main customers are hospital staff, EMTs and officers. They keep me safe and I keep them fueled.”

James huffed out a laugh at that. “Sounds like a good deal. Which nights are you here?”

You flipped the pancakes and reached for another aluminum plate. “Thursday to Sunday. Business seems to boom on the weekends.” You turned with the plate in hand and showed him what you made.

His eyes widened. There were 4 pancakes stacked up next to 2 eggs and a mountain of bacon. “This looks great, doll.”

You were caught off guard by the pet name. “Oh,” you said abruptly snapping his eyes to you. “I almost forgot the best part!” You reached to your right and took the lid off a small stockpot with a ladle in it. You mixed the contents a bit and then poured it over the pancakes. “There. Now, it's ready.”

James looked took the plate from you and looked at what you put on the pancakes. There were strawberries and bananas in some kind of sauce on them. He looked up at you curiously and saw you adding some to your own plate.

You frowned for a moment at his wary expression. “It’s just strawberries and bananas cooked in some honey. It’s really good. Try it,” you urged handing him a plastic pack with a fork, knife, spoon, and napkin in it.

You watched him eagerly as he took it and opened it, taking out the fork. While he cut into the pancakes, you had a chance to admire just how handsome he was. His blue-grey eyes were intense and focused, but you could see softness in them. His jaw was strong and chiseled. Your mind wandered to how it must feel to kiss those full lips.

James had to bite back the moan that wanted to burst out of him when he tried it. He couldn’t believe how good it was. The pancakes were fluffy, the fruit concoction was the perfect compliment for them. “Wow, this is amazing.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up with pride. You always loved when people enjoyed your food. Especially, when it was something that wasn’t traditional. It was the perfect motivation to keep at it.

“Yes! I would never have thought to pair pancakes with this. Way better than boring old maple syrup.”

That made you throw your head back and laugh. James couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. You had the cutest laugh. He found himself wanting to be the reason for you to laugh like that all the time. You were breathtakingly beautiful.

“Well, I’m glad I was able to introduce to something new,” you said after catching your breath. “Um, would you like to sit down? There’s a seat on the side here.” You pointed to the left side of the kiosk.

“Oh, thanks. Can I put this here for a moment?” he asked gesturing to the plate of food and then the counter. When you nodded, he put the plate down and retrieved the folding chair. He set it up far enough to side that he wasn’t in the way of any customers, but could still see you.

You both ate in comfortable silence. The night was slow, and you were able to finish your meal without any interruptions. You felt at ease with him there. Almost, as if he belonged there.

James got up when he was finished. “Hey, do you have garbage back there?”

“Yeah,” you took the plate from him and disposed of it.

“So, how much do I owe you…” James realized that he didn’t know your name.

You smiled at him and stretched out your hand. “I’m Y/N, Buchanan.”

His jaw dropped when you called him by his middle name. When was the last time anyone ever called him that? He was so stunned by it, he didn’t notice how long he was shaking your hand.

You giggled and bit your lip. He was adorable when he was shocked. “Is it alright if I call you that?”

James was pulled back to reality and finally let go of your hand. He felt the heat on his face and looked down with a bashful smile. “Yeah, doll. You can call me that.”

You gave him a toothy smile. “Great. And, that will be 6.75.”

James looked at you bewildered. “That’s it? A meal like this runs me 13 bucks at the local diner and it ain’t half as good.”

You were in stitches when he said that. “That is another reason for my popularity with my usual customers. I offer better prices and better food.”

James shook his head with a crooked smile. He reached into his pocket and handed you a 10. “Keep the change, Y/N.”

“Thank you, Buchanan, but you don’t have to do that,” you told him sincerely. “I don't do this for the money. It’s a way to give back to the men and women who dedicate their lives to save others.”

So, you’re beautiful, an amazing cook and you have a heart of gold. James could see himself falling for you hard. “You’re really something, Y/N. You know that?”

You cursed yourself for blushing as hard as you did. You couldn’t look him the eye when he said that. God, how you wanted to kiss him at this very moment. He chuckled at how red you had become.

“Where are you from?” He asked trying to ease your embarrassment a bit.  

You looked up at him after regaining some courage. “I’m from the Bronx, but I’ve been living here in Brooklyn for a few years now.”

James nodded his head and smiled. He heard voices coming down the block. There were a handful of people in scrubs walking towards the kiosk. Looking back at you he smiled. “Looks like you have some customers.”

“Looks that way, indeed,” You smiled handing him his change. You were ready for him to insist you keep the change, but was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t. “You like pie?”

“Um, yeah,” James said raising an eyebrow.

You ducked down and grabbed a slice of pie in a plastic container from the glass display under the counter. You plopped it down on the counter, then turned and began making a cup of coffee. You put them into a brown paper bag and handed them to him.

“But, I-” you didn’t let him finish.

“Its a thank you for keeping me company. It gets a little lonely out here sometimes.” You looked at him with hopeful eyes and he took the bag from you.

“Thank you, Y/N. You were great company to be with,” James said. “The food wasn’t bad, either.” He winked at you and preened when you blushed again.

The Scrubs were almost upon you both. “Hopefully, good enough to visit again?”

Now, it was his turn to blush. “I will definitely be back again soon, Y/N. Have a good night.”

“You too, Buchanan. I’ll see you soon.”

[theveryconfusedartistsart-blog]

Flowisk (and Friskiel!) OTP headcannons!!

Awhile back, maybe a year or two ago, I got bored and looked up those ‘which character does what in your OTP’ and I made a list of headcannons for Frisk/Flowey(Asriel)! 

At first I did it for fun, but later intended to use it to help me with writing my fic, but now it’s just sitting there, so I thought I’d share some of it! Keep in mind- that in most of these I also headcannoned the both them to be in their older teens/young adults (15/16 - 20somethings) because that’s where their ages are mainly set during the fic.

Don’t worry, everything is age appropriate!

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl? They’re both night owls, but Frisk is a lot easier to wake up.

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?  Frisk is logically the big spoon, I imagine if Asriel was in his real form they would switch around a lot.

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle? They both love to cuddle, but Flowey would never openly admit that he does, unless he’s in his real form, then he’s a cuddle machine. Frisk hogs the blanket, they don’t mean to though.

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses? Frisk!

5. Who usually has nightmares? Both, but Flowey’s are more annoyingly consistent.

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day?   Both would be night thinkers.

7. Who sweats the small stuff? Asriel/Flowey through and through

8. Who sleeps in their underwear/ Who sleeps in their pajamas? Since Asriel is fluffy, (older him) would wear lose clothes, sleeveless shirt or just pajama pants. Frisk (also older) would wear lose clothes too, but I wouldn’t put it pass them to want to wear cute pajamas and footsies.

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?  Frisk is a tea drinker, Flowey likes coffee even if it’s not good for him.

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour? Flowey loves sweets, mostly likely will only try sour things to prove his toughness, Frisk likes sweets a little better than sour as long as their subtle and not too fatty.

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies? Flowey is a picky connoisseur horror lover (you will only get him to watch romance in a movie if it’s part of a thriller or a horror movie) and Frisk loves romance but prefers comedy romances (will only watch horror if it’s a comedy horror film, or something like Warm Bodies) they settle on thrillers or anything else.

  12. Who is smol/ Who is tol? Frisk is only smol in the relationship if Asriel is in his real form or anything other than the flower form, hah.

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat? If you asked, they would say neither, but Asriel/Flowey definitely has his moments that he’ll never admit to.

14. Who kills the spiders? NO ONE. NO ONE KILLS THE SPIDERS. FRISK FORBIDS. GET A DAMN CUP.

15. Who is scared of the dark? Frisk is, but they grow out of it over time, Flowey welcomes the darkness (and Asriel enjoys a nice nightlight because he doesn’t like to run into things)

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms? If they’re at night and extra loud, Flowey. 

17. Who works/ Who stays at home? Depends, Flowey seems more likely to stay at home, but with the right push and self -esteem they’d both be workers.

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person? Frisk loves both, Flowey is wary of both animals (he’s afraid of dogs peeing on him/digging him up/eating him and cats have claws and are weird) but cats also remind him of Frisk in a way and both are very soft (Asriel probably is little more of a dog person)

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names? Frisk most of the time, but I’m sure Flowey/Asriel can come up with something.

(Yes, I know, I skipped over 20, shhhh, don’t worry about it)

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)? Flowey!!! (Frisk gets determined, but they don’t get obsessed) Little Asriel probably had a small obsession with stars and astronomy.

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?  FRISK!!!

23. Who asks who out on the first date? Surprisingly Flowey, but he’ll never mention it being a date, Frisk will go all out for the next dates after.

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener?  Flowey talks, Frisk listens. It’s always how their relationship has been since the start.

25. Who wears the other ones clothes? Frisk duh, but Asriel probably would wear their hats or house robes, Flowey will wear Frisk’s scarfs and hats when it’s cold. Everyone shares clothes here, it’s nice.

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food? Frisk eats healthy fo sure, things like kombucha and Greek salad! Flowey loves all food, but yeah junk food is great too.

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower? Frisk takes long showers AND sings, Asriel’s showers are short but he sings for sure, Flowey probably likes to soak for a long time but is a very shy singer.

28. Who is the book worm? FLOWEY HAS READ EVERY BOOK AND BURNED EVERY BOOK.  Frisk is a little too busy to think to sit down and read for fun, but they do like to read.

29. Who is the better cook? Surprisingly Flowey/Asriel, but this is a hidden talent to find.

30. Who likes long walks on the beach? Frisk. (Asriel enjoys the view but not the sand that gets stuck in his fur, and Flowey doesn’t like how gritty the sand is, it sort of hurts to travel in, he hijacks rides on shoulders)

31. Who is more affectionate? Frisk (Asriel is a very close second, depending where they are in the relationship, Flowey gets very, very affectionate but only behind closed doors)

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversations? Frisk, but won’t prod them out of Flowey. (But Asriel enjoys them too)

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt? Frisk wears the not guilty shirt, Flowey has the word ‘Sin’ drawn on his flower pot, this doesn’t change if he’s in real form surprisingly.

 34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt? Flowey/Asriel would wear the ‘if lost return to’ shirt.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays? Frisk, duh. (Asriel is a jolly close second)

36. Who is the social media addict? Neither, except maybe Asriel because he feels he needs to be up to date because he’s the prince and all.

37. Height difference or age difference? Flowey/Asriel is a little older and always going to be considerably taller, it’s great.

38. Who likes to star gaze? Flowey/Asriel!

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside? Maybe Flowey depending on what kind of prize it is, Frisk gets excited for him.

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent? Surprisingly, Asriel/Flowey is the fun parent, he has zero interest in his child seeing him as a bad guy, that’s his fear. Frisk is super responsible but knows how to be fun when it’s the right time.

41. Who cries during sad movies?  Asriel and Frisk close second (Flowey will rarely cry, it depends on the movie)

42. Who is the neat freak? Probably Frisk, but I wouldn’t put it past Flowey for developing OCD.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one? Flowey, he loves to show off, but Frisk is a little more precise and wins more.  

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy? Asriel would be active, and Flowey becomes lazy if he’s in his flower pot for too long, and Frisk is average.

45. Who is more likely to get drunk? Frisk, since alcohol is technically poison for Flowey and Asriel is a good boy.

46. Who has the longer food order?  Flowey because he loves food and Asriel because he’s a big boy.

47. Who has the more complex coffee order? Flowey.

48. Who loses stuff? Asriel . . . oh no.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger? Frisk drives!

50. Who is the hopeless romantic? Frisk, and secretly Flowey. Asriel isn’t hopeless, he’s a charmer, baby.

  Okay, this post has gone long enough, maybe I’ll make a part two (yes, there’s more, these were a lot of fun to do!)

Here’s Part two!

[kristsune]

All 99 asks for NJ + does he get a happy ending to his story?

omg nonnie, this is … a lot. answering under a cut because this is huge. Thank you for asking about my sweet pilot son <3 

1. What do they smell like? He smells a bit like grease and that slight hot electric smell when dealing with a lot of electronics. There is also always an underlying scent of vanilla.

2. What is their voice like? He’s rather soft spoken and gentle, but there is a confidence there and steel behind his words when he needs there to be.

3. What is their biggest motivator? To protect his brothers, and end the war as soon as possible.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? There was one time when Rex caught him in the middle of a dare from Hardcase.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? He takes it and deals with it. His dizzy spells can turn into headaches and even migraines, but he refuses to tell the medics about them so he deals with them as best he can. But it means he has a pretty high tolerance.

6. What do they like to wear? He loves his flight suit, it’s comfy and it feels right. (in many modern aus he is an unintentional hipster.)

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively? Caliber is his best friend, she supports him so much. Kix and Jesse are practically dads to him, and protect him the best they can. Anomaly is extremely special to him, lifts him up like no other.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? NJ loves to try unusual foods when he can when planetside. And where he definitely respects other people’s cultures he is definitely not eating a Yalvik queen stinger again, no matter how much they are considered a delicacy.

9. Describe the way that they sleep. He tends to sleep curled up on his side, not taking up a lot of space. He sleeps in his cockpit as often as not, so scrunched up is normal.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? He loves anything with flavor. Honestly just about anything is better than the flavorless, badly textured osik they had on Kamino.

11. What do they feel most insecure about? They aren’t terribly insecure about a lot, but they are shy, and many would take that as being insecure. That being said, he doesn’t love showing off his body in a public situation, being smaller and having unusual mutations for a clone, he tends to not want to make a show of himself.

12. How do they like to dress? Isn’t this super similar to 6? But he loves to wear soft comfortable clothes when he can.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? He carries it like a weight on his shoulders.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? Someone close to him betraying him would cut him to the bone. When he trusts, its with his entire being. It would gut him to be betrayed)

15. What is their greatest achievement? One of the bigger ones was managing to tune his fighter enough to get it going faster than Anakin’s.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? It happens more often than not. He tends to just get more quiet and isolated, but when talking to him, you really wouldn’t be able to tell.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? He doesn’t get much more than a pleasant buzz when he drinks, but when he gets there, it tends to be very giggly and happy.

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? He loves a variety of music, but anything uplifting with a happy edge, basically great flying music, is what he goes for.

19. Are they right or left handed? Ambidextrous.

20. Fears? Not being able to fly, losing those closest to him. The war never coming to an end.

21. Favorite kind of weather? Clear bright skies, perfect for flying

22. Favorite color? Blue, it waffles between 501st, sky blue, and the blue grey of Anomaly’s  eye.

23. Do they collect anything? Nothing in particular, but he does love picking up a stray feather here or there.

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? Cold is always better for flying, though cool is better than straight up cold.

25. What is their eye color? Light golden amber

26. What is their race/ethnicity? Maori

27. Hair color? Dirty blonde

28. Are they happy where they are currently? They are able to fly, and protect his brothers and the people of the Republic. Would he prefer there to not be a war? Yes, but is this is as good as it gets)

29. Are they a morning person? Yes. He can sleep in if needed, but he can be up early too.

30. Sunrise or sunset? Answered here 

31. Are they more messy or more organized? He’s mostly organized, sometimes things will pile up and he has to take time to clean up, but it never really gets out of control

32. Pet peeves? Loud chewing, putting down others for no reason other than being mean

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? Technically he doesn’t own it, but his fighter. He has modified it enough, he considers it his own.

34. Least favorite food? The flavorless protein meals on Kamino

35. Least favorite color? He loves all colors, but if he had to choose, it would probably be blood red, he’s just seen too much of it for his own liking.

36. Least favorite smell? Electrical fire

37. When was the last time they cried? Also found here

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? Very likely with either Caliber or Jesse, they both are very good at comforting him when he is upset (the best hugs)

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? Being a pilot, he actually hasn’t received too many injuries. Being shot down generally ended in explosions or being sucked into the vacuum of space, so minor injuries weren’t as common, though he has had his share of minor injuries as a cadet.

40. Do they have any scars? Nothing major to speak of.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? Many of the same that anyone who has been through a traumatic war has to deal with

42. Do they have any bad habits? He likes to forget to eat or drink enough, especially when in the hangarbay working on his fighter.

43. Why might someone dislike them? Because he’s a mutie, there are definitely clones that are biased against them, also because he is a pilot, and there are those that don’t think the pilots are real soldiers.

44. Why might someone love them? Because they are sweet and caring and wonderful. They are loyal and fierce and will fight for those he cares about.

45. Do they believe in ghosts? Yes, they are absolutely sensitive to all of that.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? Anomaly, Caliber, Kix, Jesse, much of the 501st tbh, at the very least all of Torrent.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? Anomaly, and later Killer.

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? Anomaly, and later Killer

49. Do they like surprises? Happy surprises? Sure. Not happy surprises. No. not so much.

50. When is their birthday? N/A

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday? N/A

52. Do they have any family? He considers his closes vode his family

53. Are they close to their family? Extremely

54. What is their MBTI type? I am shit at this and i have no idea tbqh lol

55. What is their zodiac sign? N/A

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in? Hufflepuff most likely, maybe Ravenclaw.

57. What D&D alignment are they? Neutral good

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about? Crashing his fighter, losing his brothers/those closest to him. His brothers turning on all they believed in and killing those they loved best.

59. What are their views on death? It is just the next stage in whatever world they are in. though he would still like to stay alive as long as he can, to be with those he loves

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at? Caliber’s jokes, and Anomaly’s cheesy pickup lines he likes to tease him with.

61. When bored, how do they pass time? He loves working on anything mechanical. Tinkering is his favorite thing to do. Lacking that, he does love to read.

62. Do they enjoy being outside? Absolutely.

63. Do they have an accent? The same as most clones, New Zealand

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction? If he knows its for him, he will absolutely fall into that, if there is someone with him he would offer to share

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say? He would wish he could say goodbye to those he loves, and make sure his last act is saving as many brothers as he can

66. How do they feel about sex? He likes it, he likes to have fun with it, but really only has sex with those he has at least some sort of relationship/acquaintance with. He doesn’t really do casual sex.

67. What is their sexuality? Bi/Pan but heavily leaning towards masculine presenting

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood? No. He’s seen too much by this point

69. Is there anything that they find really gross? He hates wet hair in a clogged drain. Makes him gag. (honestly the biggest downside to his long hair)

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? I am… honestly not sure how to answer this

71. Do they enjoy helping people? Absolutely, core to his being.

72. Are they allergic to anything? I have a feeling the Kaminoans probably tried to modify the clones to try and make sure that happens, but who knows. He hasn’t run into any problems so far

73. Do they have a pet? No. He wouldn’t feel good about keeping something he can’t be there for all the time.

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper? No. It takes quite a bit to get him there. But when he does? He is ruthless to make sure you know what you did and pay for it. (aka the fic i wrote Force of Gold)

75. How patient are they? Most of the time, he is pretty patient, but if something is giving him anxiety it shortens quickly

76. Are they good at cooking? He’s not bad, but he’s also not great. He can do super basics, like boil a pot of pasta (makes either way too much or not nearly enough) He can (mostly) not burn things.

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often? He isn’t big on insults. They absolutely have a place in his vocabulary, but you have to earn them from him, usually by being a dick.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy? He smiles and laughs often. It’s absolutely infectious, and he just lights up from within

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears? If they were told to him in confidence, he would keep that secret to the grave.

80. Are they trustworthy? Very.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it? Yes and Mostly. Those that know him well can read him pretty well.

82. Do they exercise regularly? Yes, but nothing super intense.

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look? He can be self conscious about it, but he does love his mutations and the way he looks. He started to grow out his hair very early on because he loved it so much and it felt right.

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people? Long hair, lean muscle, beautiful eyes (especially mismatched ones)

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive? (Kind and caring, even if its hidden underneath.)

86. Do they like sweet foods? Yes, Not overly sweet, but he definitely likes them

87. What is their age? Excellent question that I do not have the answer for, he’s definitely a younger clone, deployed later in the war

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between? He’s a bit shorter and leaner like most pilots

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts? No

90. Do they consider themselves attractive? Yes, maybe not as much as others see him, but he can definitely see it.

91. What is their sense of humor like? All over the place, depending on his mood, but he loves jokes and silliness between friends.

92. What mood are they most often in? Focused, on his work or flying.

93. What kinds of things anger them? Bullies, people being nasty for no reason

94. Outlook on life? Generally pretty positive, though he does have his low moments.

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed? Losing brothers, the ongoing war

96. What is their greatest weakness? He trusts pretty easily, and can be led to believe things that he probably shouldn’t

97. What is the greatest strength? His abilities with mechanics and his fighter, an excellent pilot

98. Something that they regret? Not being able to save more of his brothers

99. Biggest accomplishment? Isn’t this basically 15?

100. Create your own! Nonnie asked: does he get a happy ending to his story: I mean? Yes? In the cyuane verse him and Anomaly get away and eventually join the rebellion, but they are alone. Sooo it or miss? He’s alive, and not completely alone, and they eventually find some level of happiness, but is it happy specifically not entirely.

[soldierstark]

Late Night Magic | Part 1 | LOKI LAUFEYSON X READER

Description: Nightmares are a common occurrence for the reader as her power emanates darkness and danger. This leads to an odd connection between her and Loki who resonates with her through 2:30 am conversations.

Author's Note: This is my first Loki fic and it's highkey trash. I saw Thor: Ragnarok this weekend and haven't been able to get this dam god of mischief out of my head since. So yea that's how this was born because I couldn't focus on my homework until this was done lmao. Anyways, as always I appreciate feedback so tell me what you think! Part 2 maybe? Until next time my dudes.

Word Count: 1531

FANFICTION MASTERLIST | Part 2

With my breath caught in my throat, I sat up straight in my bed with a start. Gasping for air and trying to even out my breathing, I ran a hand through my (Y/H/C) hair and closed my eyes, clearing my thoughts.

Rubbing my eyes wearily, I turned my head slightly to the right and sighed dejectedly at the flashing red numbers of my nightstand clock that read 2: 37 am. I proceeded to stand up out of my bed shakily and walk over to my bedroom door stealthily.

I walked on the balls of my feet as to not make any noise, wondering down the hall into the living area of the Avengers Tower. My feet unconsciously brought me to the wall of windows that overlooked the city. I found myself staring dazedly down at the still busy streets of New York as my heart rate slowed back to normal.

“And what are you doing up at this hour of night?” a deep voice pierced the silence from behind me.

I turned around quickly and raised my hands defensively, drawing in a quick breath. My gaze fell upon a dark figure who was sitting on the sofa behind me with what appeared to be a book. I relaxed slightly and let out a sigh of relief when I recognized the familiar face of a prince of Asgard.

“Oh Loki… it’s just you. You scared the living shit out of me you know,” I whispered huskily, clearing my throat slightly.

Loki closed his book and sat it down on the coffee table in front of him, leaning back into the couch nonchalantly. “I can tell,” he replied glancing at my hands. “Would you mind turning those things off?”

I looked down and saw black flames erupting from hands like fireworks. Letting out a slight chuckle, I shook my wrists, extinguishing the black flames. “Why might I dare say that you, a literal god, is scared of my dainty mortal hands,” I quipped raising an eyebrow.

Loki let out a snort. “Anyone with the slightest sense of self-preservation (Y/N) would be scared of those things,” he grumbled, eyeing my hands wearily. “You can literally annihilate anything you please with a slight touch of hand.”

I cleared my throat once more and looked down at my hands, wringing them together. It was silent for a moment before I replied. “Believe me I am aware.”

Not making eye contact with Loki, I began walking past him and into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. When I looked up from putting a kettle of water on the stove, I was surprised the see the dark haired man leaning against the countertop across from me with a watchful eye.

“You never answered my question,” he said simply.

“What question?” I inquired reaching up into a cabinet, grabbing a mug.

“Why you’re up so late?”

I turned around and placed my mug on the countertop by the stove, facing Loki once again. “I could ask you the same question,” I replied with lopsided smile.

“Sleep isn’t something that has… well… ever come easy to me. It’s not vital to my survival after all,” Loki answered, giving me a calculating look that made me shiver. His light blue eyes bore into mine, almost as if he could see straight through me. “Now you.”

“Nightmare… again,” I whispered dejectedly, looking down at my fingers that rhythmically tapped against the countertop. “One day I hope to sleep for at least 5 hours uninterrupted,” I joked halfheartedly trying to hide my exhaustion.

The kettle began to whistle quietly so I turned off the heat to the stove and poured to boiling water into my mug, letting the tea bag seep.

“You know that dreams are merely reflections of your subconscious. You need to conquer whatever it is that’s causing you have these nightmares in real life so you won’t be plagued by them at night,” Loki advised me, standing up to follow me back to the couch.

I let out a yawn as I sank into to the sofa, closing my eyes and leaning back into the cushions, turning my head to look at Loki who was sitting next to me. “What are you some kind of therapist?” I said lightly with sleepily smile.

I took a long drawn out sip of tea and turned my head forward again, staring out into the New York skyline. “Don’t take this this wrong way, but why the sudden urge to help me? You’re never this friendly during the day.”

Loki let out a dry laugh, a piece of his long wavy dark hair falling into his light eyes. “Don’t go around telling the others this, but you’ve always been favorite of the group. I feel that if anyone would appreciate my advice it would be you.”

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks and my heart thumping loudly in my chest at the somewhat compliment, though I’d blame it on the fatigue and caffeine from the tea I was drinking. “Oh really? And why is that?”

Loki turned his head to look at me, it was silent for a moment as we both merely stared at each other not speaking. “It’s really just a gut feeling,” he finally answered. “So tell me what you believe the underlying cause of your nightmares are.”

I snorted. “Loki I know what the underlying cause of my nightmares are. The problem is I can’t fix it.”

“Try me,” he said softly.

I chewed my bottom lip and looked away from Loki, feeling his heated gaze on me as I contemplated my answer. “The problem is, I don’t trust myself to keep control of my cataclysm. I can literally destroy anything with the slight of a hand and I don’t feel as though I’m the best person to harbor this power,” I admitted, looking down at my steaming cup of tea.

“I’m scared that one day I’ll just… I don’t know, loose it and just destroy the whole dam universe or something. And I know that’s not really plausible or whatever but it could happen. We’ve never been able to test the extent of my powers because it’s too dangerous,” I finished, mumbling the last part.

Loki reached a hand out towards me and grabbed my cup of tea from my hands. I observed him with a blank expression as he put it down on the coffee table in front of the couch we were on.

I raised an eyebrow as he took both my hands into his. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly, trying to ignore the comforting heat and electricity coming from his hands into mine.

“I’m showing you that I trust you (Y/N),” he replied with his slight accent coming through. “I trust you with the powers you’ve been given, enough so that I’m letting you touch me because I know you’re not going to turn me into a pile of dust.”

A smile broke out across my lips as I let out a slight laugh, heat rising up to my chees steadily.

“And we all know that I have problems trusting people so if I trust you, believe me you can trust yourself. I have the upmost faith that you won’t destroy the whole universe,” Loki admitted, the moon light streaming through the window illuminating his dashing features.

I pulled him closer to me and wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “Thank you Prince Loki,” I whispered gratefully.

He tensed up for a second but returned my hug comfortingly, wrapping his arms tightly around me, pulling me closer. “It’s no problem Lady (Y/N),” he replied, stroking my hair comfortingly.

And before I knew it, I had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

    Hours later with the sun streaming though the windows of the living area, the rest of the Avengers awoke form their slumber and made their way into the kitchen for breakfast. Tony raised a hand, signaling for the others to halt.

“What the fuck,” he said slowly with a hint of confusion in his voice.

Steve pushed around Tony and followed his gaze, letting out a slight laugh. “Wow,” he whispered in disbelief.

“Point Break… come get a hold of this,” Bruce laughed, pointing at the sofa.

Grumbling in annoyance, Thor pushed through the crowd of adults and went silent at the sight of his brother and (Y/N) asleep on the couch together.

For once Loki’s face wasn’t hardened with an expression of mischief or coldness. He looked completely relaxed with an arm wrapped around (Y/N)’s waist, pulling her closer to him. She was sound asleep with her arms hugged around his torso, her head resting on his chest.

(Y/N) stirred slightly but Loki simply tightened his grip around her. She smiled contently and let out a relaxed sigh, going back into a deep sleep.

Natasha made a move forward. “I’ll wake them.”

“No wait,” Thor said hastily, reaching an arm out to halt her movement. “Leave them be.”

Tony snorted and shook his head in confusion. “Why?”

“This is good for him. Well… she’s good for him.”

[batfam-imagines]

Reader’s Choice

So I have a pretty long request list!! If you want to help me choose, just send the number of the request to my Inbox! Just let me know that the number is a “Reader’s Choice”

If you have more than one you’d like to see, put the numbers in the order you’d prefer!!!

If anyone wants to use one of these prompts, please ask first!! Thank you!

Rules: Please only choose a MAX of 3. I will be updating this monthly, and will only accept your choices for 2 day each month. Please only send in your choice numbers during those 2 days! Thank you!!

Send your three votes to my inbox! If you post them as a comment they will not be counted!!!

If I forget to update this, don’t hesitate to remind me on the 1st of every month, but only on the 1st.

Currently Accepting Requests From This List!!

1.    Hi, A! Can you make a Conner x Abused!witch reader please? Where reader is abused by her whole family, because while she is a good person her family aren't? Can you also make the reader fall in love with Conner and the feeling is mutual? By the way, love your imagines.

2.    Can you write something where batsis has a stalker and it starts off cute but gets more dangerous?

3.    Can you write something where Tim gets really hurt while patrolling with Jason and he has to save him. Can you write it with some angst please.

4.    could you please write about Atlantean Batmom, who's maybe Arthur’s sister, and meets Bruce through him? Batmom prefers to not interfere with the league or Atlantis and the kids don't know about her heritage out of fear for their safety until she uses her abilities to prevent a catastrophe or something like that.

5.    Could you do and imagine of Catwoman's accomplish/niece being best friends with Damian and Damian leaves with the teen titans making her sad and jealous. I really love your writing and this would make my week

6.    batsis possessed by the Enchantress

7.    would you do a batsis imagine where she assaulted by one of her close guy friends and couldn't stop it, so she starts withdrawing from her family and friends. she feels weak and doesn't want them to judge her until jason finally gets her to tell him what happened after she tries to kill herself?

8.       Red Hood get thrown through the window of your local Book store and list three good reads for you before he’s up on his feet again guns blazing.

9.   Love your oldest batsis character! Could you do maybe one where is a good singer/musician and she sings them lullaby’s when they are hurt and around the house and in the shower?

10.   May I request a oneshot please, where Jon and Dami befriend a shapeshifter/reader, who's either their age or a year younger, and none of the Justice League (including Bats and Super) know about them. So it's either the Justice League finding out about them or stupid pranks (like identical Damian’s) that they pull on the Justice League?

11.   Hello! I was wondering if you could maybe do a second post to the bat mom killing the joker fic? I would love to see Bruce's and the rest of the family's reaction to that. That would be awesome!

12.   Can I request where Batsis/reader has terrible insomnia, so she only gets probably an hour a sleep every day or something, and she is always up walking around the manor at odd hours of the night. She hides it from the Batfam with makeup and such. And it's basically the Batfam finding out about Batsis's terrible insomnia. Thank you!

13.   hello! i still hope your requests are still open as i wanted to send in something! could you do a Jason Todd imagine where he and the reader have a meet-cute in the library and he develops a huge crush? he talks about her constantly to Roy to the point he gets frustrated and drags him to her, only to find out it's his younger sister (or if you prefer close friend)

14.   Could you do a little sister au where bat!sis wants to join her brothers and father on patrol and follows them around all day in attempt to get them to agree to let her go and eventually Bruce agrees to take her for a few minutes in her own adorable little suit and it's just super fluffy? Sorry this is long and if that's confusing. I love you're writing and thank you so much

15.   Lil Sis Au. w/ reader watches and imitates older sibling when they spar/fight??

16.   I saw requests were open and I was wondering if you could write being a single mom and falling in love with single dad Roy please and thank you

17.   I wish you would write a fic where sick jay is cared for by his loving fam and reader

18.   Hello! Could you possibly do a Batmom! Reader who's like really short. Like shorter than Damian and she has trouble having some of the batboys take her seriously?

19.   So I had a shitty day, maybe a thing where batsis had an anxiety attack, then her biological dad (who is an asshole to her) make her depressed and the batfamily helps her through it

20.   Could you write a wing au with the wings mimicking emotions with Tim Drake please?

21.   For the fantasy au thing with winged people, could I please request Older Damian's SO's feathers falling out from stress and him trying to help her?

22.   I'm sorry if this is a bad request, you can change the aspects of it if you want to: I am a dragon AU (with any fandom or even not fandom related) but reader is a dragon and a knight has to slay the dragon but the knight can't do it... Thus the knight sneaks out every night because become really good friends in the end of it. Anyway before I end this request I would like to say your writing is amazing and I can't wait to read more from you!! Thanks for reading and keep up the fantastic writing!!

23.   Could you please do something with Bruce helping a batdaughter deal with a bad hit of fear toxin? It could be as sweet or angsty as you like, whatever you feel like doing!

24.   Hi!! Can I request an imagine Dick and batsis (reader) are in the same school event/gym class and it's a sparring section and they laugh it all off, and have to deal with elementary level self defense class, maybe fording themselves to lose to dummies and then when they can finally spar each other they go all out? And the class goes crazy loving it? Also:: can you tag @batty4dc

25.   Hiiii I would like to request a fiction with jason, something like the reader can control the four elements and those are represented by the bat-boys (dick-water/ jason-fire / Tim-air / Damian- earth). The reader is obviously more interested in the fire element so jason. I really like something with some fluff but also passionate (like light smut if you do that). U don't know if the request is clear but thank you.

26.   Older Batsis coming home from a rough night on patrol to find one of her brothers sitting on her couch? Whichever brother you prefer!

27.   Can I request Terry McGinnis w/ a telepathic/telekinetic s/o and they flirt a lot during patrol so Bruce always scolds them

28.   Is there any way you can do a part 2 to the Damian Wayne x reader My Mate?

29.   Can request jason flirting with a telepathic/telekinetic reader

30.   Hi! I was wondering if you could do this request for me? I want a Damian x Reader, Please! I was thinking that the plot could be that Damian used the bully the reader because maybe she was deaf or something like that. The bullying gets so bad that the reader switches school, and Damian feels so guilty. Years later, Damian sees the reader once more, and he tries to make amends. Angst at first then maybe something sweet? Thank you! Love your writing!

31.   Batboy of your choice dating a single mom

32.   Can you write an hc were Batmom has a daughter that's in her teens that clings to Batmom and the boys think she's an attention hog they wind up in a fit and she starts crying and Batmom comes in and stops them and they find out she has awake terrors and that's why she's clingy to mom because she's scares so they start helping with her and now she's clingy with all of them. Thank you for your time, bye.

33.   oh hi how about when reader died or get hurt really bad maybe after she get married to jason/Dami *boi you can chose* and she was pregnant if you chose to her to stay alive the baby died if you chose to her to die than both of them is dead :'c sorry but I really need to read something sad #rosegurl🌹

34.   Can you do an imagine on being 16 and being the youngest member of the suicide squad and there all really protective of you and you start to date or something

35.   Ok, how about this. Damian with a neko reader. He would definitely go crazy and want to pet her ears. Please and thank you

36.   How would the JL and Batfam react if they found out that Batmom outsmarted the Joker on her own. Like he kidnaps her because hey Bruce, you're rich af, and instead of crying and praying for rescue she scolds Joker and he's like, wow ok, I see your point. He doesn't immediately become a grade A citizen or something but, you get the gist. Thx love!

37.   "i didn't mean to hurt your feelings" with Tim and jason please?

38.   hey can i get an older! Damián x reader imagine based on fools by lauren aquilina??

39.   Can I request a Tim X Reader? Where Tim meets the reader at a bookshop and they hit it off. Fluffyness please. Bonus if the rest of the Batfam teases Tim about her.

40.   Yes yes do a fix with Ariel and Damian I'm begging you ❤ and I love the prince of the sea, it's so cute to think of Jay as innocent merman

41.   So I was going through your work and found this thing about batsis, and how villains loved her. And now all I can think is batsis having some recital or fucking graduation or something, and half the fucking crowd is there for her. There's villains, anti-hero's, super-heroes. Their all there for her omg.

42.   Oh oh oh can you write Jason being in love with reader who's close friends with all the batboys and she's especially close to dick and Jason gets jealous and upset and super insecure because he thinks she likes dick when in reality she's in love with Jason (you can do the ending anyway you want)

43.  For face the music, how about some cute Connor x reader moments. Like he hears her laugh for the first time(really hard at that) then she's about to walk out her her pajamas (I sleep with an over-sized shirt and my underwear cuz it's hella comfy) And then some bonding time with Conner, Reader, and Talia?

44.  Hey! Can you please do another Nsfw to dick speaking Romanian? I just read the first one and I really really liked it

45.  Hey, could you pleaassee do something with a sick reader?? I've been trying to find one everywhere and can't.

46. Part 2 for New Sons!

[boardwalk-absurdist]

All the numbers! 😊

Aaahhh thank you~ I haven’t done one of these in forever but I love them, so let’s go (under the cut)!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Coffee mugs~ I have one standard reliable water bottle that I carry with me, but I love me a clever/cute coffee mug.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? Chocolate bars, natch.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy~ <3

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? Usually stuff like energetic, bubbly, and smart. They used to say gifted but around 4th grade they weren’t allowed to say that anymore.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? None of the above, I don’t drink soda. The bubbles hurt my tongue.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? Oh man this is an eternal struggle tbh. I think I usually dress a bit more grunge or boho, but I want to be pastel and goth as well? The others I could take or leave.

7. earbuds or headphones? Earbuds, as long as they aren’t those Skullcandy kind with the squishy part that you jam in your ear canal. I hate those.

8. movies or tv shows? Depends on my mood and how much time I have.

9. favorite smell in the summer? This may be weird, but like…sun sweat? You know when you’re laying out comfortably in the sunshine and there’s a nice breeze and you sweat a lil but it’s like just warm? Also the ocean, I love the beach but I live nowhere near one.

10. game you were best at in p.e.? Uh, avoid competitive people as much as possible by running in the opposite direction from the ball? Walk laps rather than play the game? I did not like gym class.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? Nothin’. Sometimes I’ll have a donut or poptarts or pain au chocolat but usually it’s a lotta nothing.

12. name of your favorite playlist? “Players musicals”, a spotify playlist with songs from the 4 musicals my college theatre group did while I was there. Or on my iTunes, I have one called “Power Up” that is all my pump-up jams.

13. lanyard or key ring? …both? I have a keyring on my lanyard.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? Ooh, the Haribo gummy frogs. With like the white part on the bottom? Idk what that shit is but I love it.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I know it’s a play but we did read it, and I loved it. Alternatively, maybe Brave New World? I found that one fascinating.

16. most comfortable position to sit in? Curled up sideways in an armchair or with my legs thrown over one arm and my back against the other.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? In the summer, I always pick one pair of sandals with a fun pattern so I get cool tan lines on my feet. Otherwise, Merrell Mocs 5evr.

18. ideal weather? Sunny and dry, maybe with a light breeze, and in the mid- to high-70s. Either that or clear, sunny, and between 15 and -15 for like a perfectly brisk day.

19. sleeping position? I usually sleep on my side with my top leg flung out so I’m like half on my stomach. But I can’t actually sleep on my stomach cuz I have titties and they are Not Comfortable.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? Literally anywhere and on anything. I doodle and write on p much any surface I am given.

21. obsession from childhood? …uh. There were several. But I guess Jerry Lewis was the biggie/most embarrassing.

22. role model? That’s a tough one. Probably Bonnie Bassler.

23. strange habits? I eat most foods around the outside and save the center for last. Like poptarts, waffles, sandwiches… I also have a tic where whenever I have my car in neutral I jiggle the stick shift back and forth to like prove to myself that I am in neutral. I’m sure there are more that I’m unaware of that I just think are normal, so hey, if you know me irl and you know of a weird habit that I missed, send it my way.

24. favorite crystal? Idk. Does tiger’s eye count? It’s my favorite semi-precious stone.

25. first song you remember hearing? LORDT I have no idea, probably a Bruce Springsteen song.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? Lay in the sunshine. Or swim outside.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? Play in the snow.

28. five songs to describe you? These are more songs describing what it feels like to be me, but: “Fear and Loathing” and “Teen Idle” by Marina and the Diamonds, “I Wanna Get Better” by Bleachers, “Yo Girl” from Heathers, aaaand “Carmen” by Lana Del Rey.

29. best way to bond with you? Work on a show together.

30. places that you find sacred? Difficult to say. I guess anywhere that feels like a liminal space.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Ooh okay so I have this black cropped sleeveless hoodie that says “never trust the living” on a tombstone and has a skull, I like to pair that with some burgundy high-waisted short shorts and tights with embroidered skulls and butterflies. Then those go with my platform black and white sneakers or my 6 inch platform boots with flames on the heels.

32. top five favorite vines? rOaD wOrK aHeAd?; I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN; …wow; “little diddy”; and either happy crismus or WELCOME TO BIBLE STUDY

33. most used phrase in your phone? Probably “fair enough”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? “if you needed brain surgery, would you go to a general practitioner? No? THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL BUYING FISH FROM THE GENERAL STORE” fishtopia may finally be dead but that fucking commercial lives on

35. average time you fall asleep? Like midnight?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? I can has cheezburger?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? Depends. If it’s just for a few days, duffel bag. But I prefer to travel with a suitcase for anything longer than a week.

38. lemonade or tea? Lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Uh I guess lemon cake?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Oh! One time this girl tackled this dude allegedly cuz he wouldn’t share his beef jerky. The school was put on a code yellow while the security guard separated them.

41. last person you texted? Myself, to send some gel pictures from my phone to my laptop.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets. I have shitty girl pants pockets.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? why must you hurt me in this way. I have a denim jacket that I adore, so I guess that one? But I really appreciate the aesthetic of bomber jackets.

44. favorite scent for soap? Irish Spring. am cermet

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? I guess sci-fi.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? I sleep in my underwear.

47. favorite type of cheese? Cheddar or Gruyere.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? No clue. Strawberry, maybe?

49. what saying or quote do you live by? “Once you’re in it, it’s okay.” - This is How, Augusten Burroughs Alternatively, “How unlikely! Yet here we are.” - Spaceman of Bohemia, Jaroslav Kalfar 

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? An inside joke with the Brit, I think. 

51. current stresses? oh the thousands

52. favorite font? Currently I’m really feeling Book Antiqua.

53. what is the current state of your hands? Uh, fine? Clean? My nails are Ready for some new polish.

54. what did you learn from your first job? How to scoop ice cream.

55. favorite fairy tale? I don’t think I have one.

56. favorite tradition? So in my family, we have a routine for putting up the tree (we have a fake tree that we use every year). My dad puts the tree together, my mom rearranges and bends the branches to make it look more realistic, my dad puts the lights on, and then my little brother and I decorate it with all the ornaments. It’s a lot of fun and my favorite part of Christmas.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? An abusive relationship, getting help for depression/anxiety, and my mom’s attempted suicide.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? I’m a p good writer, a decent swimmer, I can do cross-stitch/needlepoint, and I am very good at taking tests/learning.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? “Eat an entire ass.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? Slice of life goofy high school comedy. Like Ouran, or the lighter parts of Fruits Basket.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? There’s a line in @scifigrl47‘s fic “Hollow Your Bones like a Bird’s” that has really stuck with me over the years: “It is the farthest from death that I can get, to decide, second by second, not to jump.” In a similar vein, the line “I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spat it out” from the original Avengers movie really made an impression. On a funnier note, the lines “I’ve frequently not been on boats” and “One can hardly eat cucumber sandwiches in an agitated manner” from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and The Importance of Being Earnest respectively never fail to make me laugh.

62. seven characters you relate to? Lordt that is so many. Okay. Alissa Meson from the Truth series, Chidi Anagonye from The Good Place, Lee Fiora from Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld, Tohru Honda from Fruits Basket, Shiloh Wallace from Repo! The Genetic Opera, Augusten Burroughs in his memoirs (not technically a character but I relate so hard), and Bo Burnham’s stage persona (it COUNTS dammit).

63. five songs that would play in your club? “1, 2, Step” - Ciara, “Night Fever” - The BeeGees, “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” - Journey, “Chelsea Dagger” - The Fratellis, and “Damn You Look Good And I’m Drunk (Scandalous)” - Cobra Starship

64. favorite website from your childhood? Quizilla, RIP

65. any permanent scars? Several on my hands (they used to be cat scratches but I picked at them so much they scarred up), two punctures from my cat biting me on my right inner forearm, and one biggun on my left asscheek from when I fell out of a tree and had to get 6 stitches.

66. favorite flower(s)? Poppies, lavender, fireweed, and forget-me-nots.

67. good luck charms? Not really? I have jewelry that I wear every day but that’s more a habit/ritual rather than for luck.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? LORDT okay so I worked at an ice cream shop two summers in a row, right? There was this DISGUSTING cranberry stout flavor, and a p gross ginger one, plus every time someone ordered a weird milkshake we’d make a little extra so we could try some. One time someone got like a large stout (the regular, not the cranberry, which was still nasty) and pumpkin milkshake with malt. It was horrid.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes as much pressure to bite through a human finger as it does to bite through a carrot.

70. left or right handed? Rightie.

71. least favorite pattern? Uh. I guess paisley? It doesn’t really do anything for me.

72. worst subject? Organic chemistry or physics.

73. favorite weird flavor combo? Oooh so nutella and honey is DELIGHTFUL if you’ve never tried it. Also those parmesan bread bites from Dominos taste real good dunked in the icing that comes with the cinnamon twists.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? Like a 4 or 5.

75. when did you lose your first tooth? I genuinely do not recall.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Scalloped potatoes with cheese.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? Idk I kill all my plants. I have a lil sempervivum that I’ve kept alive for a few months though~

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Grocery store sushi.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Lmao they both are bad but I’ll say driver’s license.

80. earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? Are they not the same thing? I call them fireflies.

82. pc or console? PC. I grew up without a console so I lack the intuitive understanding of their control mechanisms that most people seem to have.

83. writing or drawing? Writing.

84. podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket? Barbie I guess?

85. fairy tales or mythology? Mythology.

86. cookies or cupcakes? …cookies.

87. your greatest fear? Disappointing people who took a chance on me.

88. your greatest wish? If I tell you, it won’t come true.

89. who would you put before everyone else? My little brother.

90. luckiest mistake? Not applying for summer internships. Instead I just talked to the one microbiology professor and she offered me a summer job in her lab and it’s because of her that I’m at the school I’m at for grad school and have experience and all that.

91. boxes or bags? Uh. Bags I guess? Easier to carry.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Sunlight.

93. nicknames? My parents call me Squirrelle. Some people call me T (my real name starts with a T).

94. favorite season? Spring, I think. It’s so nice to come back out of the cold.

95. favorite app on your phone? I guess fb messenger, I use it the most.

96. desktop background? It’s a colored collage of Jareth and Sarah from pika-la-cynique’s “Girls Next Door” massive crossover series on dA.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? I dunno, like a handful? Some are totally useless.

98. favorite historical era? Probably the 80s.