#It's 2:37 AM and I read both of those fics...I need to sleep

[brainfilehasstoppedworking]

I read...both fics...the first one was more mild because it's supposed to be more fluffy but I'm weirded out so much...

And the second one...the second one...I have no fucking words...it's so fucking horrible, I feel so sick...I know it's a real life occurrence where a parent takes advantage of their child in a sexual way but...omfg. Thank GOD I had this cursed UTAULOID video playing to keep me a bit sane but still...I didn't read almost all of it because some of the parts were so awful I had to just skim over it. It really is a "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat" fic...I need a bath.

And the author of that one is kinda...rude...? It's just omfg what did I just read? It's too late in the night for this, y'all...

Edit: I know it's because I'm on my period and I'm very emotion, but I feel like crying from absolute pain and horror

Okay....SO– I got curious because this is a tag for some fucking reason on Ao3 and...there's actually TWO fics of it...

*inhales and exhales*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *hides face with hands*

*removes hands from face*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT'S STILL THERE NOOOOO!!! BURN IT WITH FIRE!!! MAY CHRIST COMPEL YOU!!! *throws holy water*

[literate-simp]

Bakugou realizing that sometimes, bad things happen to good people

About: his s/o opens up to him about their trauma

Warning(s): mentions of trauma, slight angst, few curse words because Bakugou

Include(s): gn! reader, being comforted and understood by pomeranian, fluff

Note: i never get too detailed with trauma/bad childhood related content because i want my readers to feel free with whatever they're facing. i hope that anyone reading this fic for comfort has a wonderful day. I'm happy you're still pushing despite everything that's happened.

To be fair, he hadn't even thought of it. Never crossed his mind, not even once.

It was 1 AM now; way past his bedtime, way past his much needed rest for an early morning and he hadn't even tried closing his eyes. For once in his life, he was left wondering.

His life was filled with praise and ego, to be his lover would mean being able to put up with him and giving him praise when he actually deserved it. He didn't need half-assed compliments or someone on his hands and feet -- he needed someone to see him grow by himself.

You see, it hadn't crossed his mind that you were in a dark place in the past or present. You were strong in your own way and he saw it as a powerful trait of yours. You wanted to be a hero just like him but not because you wanted to prove your worth, you just wanted to save those who couldn't protect themselves.

"Katsuki! Right hook, then left!" You'd yell during your spar sessions. He takes your advice seriously, knowing you wanted him to improve just as much as he does for you.

"Fuckin' idiot," He mumbled in the darkness. You seemed so fine with it too, laughed about whatever happened as if it wasnt a huge part of who you were now. You talked like it was the weather, mundane and nothing crucial.

Could people smile after that? You did. It was scary to him how used to the life you were. You must've been scared, who wouldn't be?

"Katsuki, I have something to tell you," You said right before his bedtime, around 7 maybe. He was confused why you didn't just walk up and strike a conversation with him like usual.

Must be serious, he had thought and damn was it serious.

On the balcony, under the dark sky with a faraway look in your eyes. You didn't even turn to him once, just went on and on; one story after another. Sometimes you'd laugh like it was funny.

It wasn't funny, he was mortified and worried -- rendered him speechless to a point that his body came to a standstill.

You're a good person, he knew that most. You were someone that shone brighter than his classmates, that was why he chose you to be his partner at first.

"You must be freaked out, huh," You stated, finally turning to meet his worried eyes with a smile. "I don't blame you, it's a lot to take in."

"I trust you a lot and I just wanted you to know what you're getting yourself into when you're with me, so take your time. I'll wait for you."

Is he feeling bad right now? What was he feeling bad for? That you had a horrible life? He hated pitying people but he couldn't help but worry for you.

Also, what did you mean by 'take your time'? Had you thought Bakugou Katsuki, Lord Explosion Murder and soon-to-be Dynamight, was going to run away the second you told him?

If anything he just wanted to hug you right now, but he missed his chance when it reached midnight. Now he's going to accept the consequences of shock by not getting a good night's rest like he intended.

This bothered him.

How were you sleeping right now?

Just as the thought crossed his mind, he was out the door. Midnight, shoeless feet, his plain black shirt and sweats, he walked down the corridor to your door and was tempted to knock.

What if he was bothering your rest? He didn't want that, not after the conversation you both had. He turned on his heel and was met face-to-face with his teacher's pet cat who wandered the dorms at night to check on students, it stared straight at his soul and kinda creeped him out.

He put a finger to his lips, trying to shush it from making any possible noise but it harnessed the loudest cat-like screech he's heard. Bakugou jumped when he heard your door creak open, turning as quick as he could to see you.

"Katsuki? What are you doing here at night? 's like...," You trailed off, looking back into your room for your clock. "1:37 AM. It's way past your bedtime."

"U-Uh yeah, sorry. Just wanted to check on you," He mumbled the last bit, shooing you with his hand. "Go back to sleep, I'll talk to ya in the morning."

It was silent for a moment and you sighed, reaching out to grab his retreating hand and pulling him into your room.

"What? Hey! This isn't allowed!" He scolded you, tapping your hand on his. He was grateful it was dark enough to hide the growing warmth on his cheeks.

"Not like it matters, it's almost 2 AM. Don't want you to go to class tired," You mumbled with a yawn. You pulled him to your bed, gesturing him to rest on top of your shoulder as you laid there waiting.

He hesitantly sits down and curls to your side, your hand playing with his soft yet spiky hair. Bakugou relaxes and focuses on your deep breaths.

"What's wrong?" You asked, eyes closed. "Rare t'see you staying up so late. Can't sleep?"

He shakes his head. "Just thinking about you."

"Awww, how sweet~," You whispered with a giggle. "What were you thinking about?"

Bakugou stares at you before grunting.

"Drop the act. I saw your puffy eyes the second you came out of your room," He snarls, sitting up and looking down at you. "Don't do that in front of me."

You frowned for a moment and smiled again, hand reaching up and caressing his cheek. It was always so soft and clear, probably from the quirk he inherited from his mother.

"Can't help it. Got used to it, hun," You told him. "Not like I could sleep either, cried 'til I could. Kinda worked until I heard Mr Aizawa's cat screeching."

Bakugou cringed with his eyes closed. "Sorry."

"No problem, I like his cat," You answered. It was silent again. "Do you think I'm pitiful?"

"No," He answered. "If you're looking for pity, you're dating the wrong guy."

Chuckling, you nodded. "Must be dating the right one then."

You sat up just slightly, kissing his chin. It was the most you could do in the position, and he didn't seem like the type to budge. He grabs your cheek and kisses your forehead.

"Whatever happened, happened. Just because you told me, doesn't mean my impression of you changed. You just...," He trailed off. "... Showed me how you need to be treated, the best of the best."

"You're a better fit for a hero than any extra. Trust me," He stated firmly. Tears welled up in your eyes and you smiled wobbily.

"Damn it, you Katsudon! I just finished crying too," You muttered, rubbing your eyes as you let the tears cascade down your cheeks. He smiles at your reaction, leaning in to kiss you on the lips gently and choosing not to point out the ridiculous pet name you gave him.

"From now on, tell me everything. What makes you uncomfortable, happy, and how I can make you feel better," He ruffles your hair. "I love you, idiot. You're stuck with me."

More tears fell from your eyes. He waited for your smile to come and his heart grew warm again.

"Thank you, Suki. I love you too." You laughed.

♡︎ literate-simp

[chalkrevelations]

And finally, here we are, Episode 36 of Word of Honor, and I have some FEELINGS. Let me show you them.

There also will be Episode 37 here, btw, because I’m not gonna do a separate reaction for a three-minute episode, no matter how grateful I am that we got it.

(Spoilers, so if that’s not what you want right now, scroll on by and come back after you’ve watched it. Them.)

Let’s get to the meat of the episode right away: THE HAIRPIN. And Wen Kexing knowing Zhou Zishu would have it, because he’d definitely take it with him if he was going on a suicide mission! Y’all. I really have to yell about this for a minute: That’s how secure WKX has become in his knowledge of what he means to ZZS! After all that time angsting and hiding the truth of his identity and worrying that he’s not worthy of ZZS and that he’d be rejected if ZZS knew the truth about him! But now, WKX has finally reached a point where he understands and knows (zhiji, the one I know) he’s so important to ZZS that ZZS would never ever go off to die without taking his most precious possession, the hairpin that his husband gave him! I can’t. My heart. This is like a declaration, after all that time saying they were zhiji, that WKX finally is able to truly see ZZS as that, to know him in his bones, and all of this is also delivered in the middle of WKX in a strop, irritably chastising his husband as an evil brat for running away from home to get himself killed, with Gong Jun’s little  >:(  face in full effect, and I am so filled with love for this show and this couple at this point that I have to pause Youtube just so I can roll around on the sofa, clutching at my chest and scaring the cats with my inarticulate noises. This is so good, y’all. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Also, now you know how it feels, WKX, you asshole. Which I suppose is why you even confess that it will would be more painful for the one who survives when if the other dies. And you were prepared to do that to him a second time? I cannot believe you, you asshole. You get to sleep on the ice couch for a month.

And then there’s some Six Cultivation Power mind-melding and what looks to be an INCREDIBLY STUPID and HEARTBREAKING ending that would leave us Burying One of Our Gays, so it’s a good thing Episode 37 (all three minutes of it) exists. It would be nice, though, if the connective tissue from 36 to 37 made any sense. Or existed whatsoever. Just, like, throw me a bone, here, show. Some kind of explicit hand-waviness that actually gets mentioned for why Ye Baiyi apparently was not as smart as he thought he was and didn’t really know what he was talking about when he was doomsaying about how one of the pair will surely, oh surely perish. None of this “Sooooo, they managed to figure out the technique and master it?” from some random shidi who never actually gets an answer. I mean, the door was left open for fanwankery on this one, with what looks to be a very last-minute conceit of all this being a story told by grown-up Chengling to his disciples, which begs the question of how much of what he’s telling them is totally accurate, given any number of issues, including the spottiness of human recall, the possibility (based on the fact they’re still on the mountain in Ep 37) that Chengling never actually saw either of them again to get the full story, and the way Gao Xiaolian basically calls bs on the whole thing. But this is still a gossamer-thin thread on which to hang Ep 37. Ep 37 basically functions as reassurance because of the mere fact of its existence, because they’re clearly both alive, right there in front of your face, regardless of the other fact that it doesn’t actually make any sense, based on Ep 36. It ultimately doesn’t matter if there is no Step 2, because Step 3: Profit! is … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen. No matter how vaguely unsatisfying the lack of Step 2 may be.

I do feel like there’s an interesting meta thing going on here, in that the entire show has been about – let’s be honest, it was never really about the plot - queer-coding this couple in ways that supposedly fly just enough under the radar that people can handwave them as Just Good Friends and Brothers (I mean, I guess) with a Bury Your Gays tragic ending (ugh) for good measure. And Chengling is telling a story in-universe that seems to conform to some of this same formula. And yet, we all know well and good that these guys were husbands. (I mean, barring anything else, they’re a couple in the original source material, so checkmate, censorship.) So, are we supposed to carry the same assurance out of the show, on a meta level, that what appears to be happening at the end of Ep 36 - what we discover we’re learning through Chengling’s story-telling - isn’t really the truth? Just, look: While we’re getting the Good Friends and Brothers push, there’s stuff like obvious voice-over work that doesn’t match the much more queer version of what the actors actually said, which is apparently blazingly clear to any viewers who know Mandarin and can manage to lip-read. The show has literally put de-queered words into these characters’ mouths. You can’t trust what you hear. But apparently the show has also made this obvious enough that, if you’re a good enough speaker of the language the show is being told in, and you have a good enough eye, you can see what is actually going on. Are we being taught to trust our eyes more than our ears, are we being told that what we’re being told - by the end of Ep 36 on a meta level, by Ye Baiyi-through-Chengling’s-story on an in-universe level, and by what we learn about what happened from Chengling’s story, itself, also on an in-universe level - is inherently untrustworthy, but that if we “speak the language” of this show well enough, and have a good enough eye, we can decode it and see what “actually” happened and is later made explicit in Ep 37? Is Ep 37 canon? Does it matter, when “what is canon” is already so slippery on this show, where you can apparently lip-read something that’s different than what you’re hearing, and it functions as canon because of the mere fact of its existence, because it’s clearly … right there. In evidence. Happening. On your screen.

Anyway, just some thoughts on all that, which I guess is my own fanwankery work to join up the end of Ep 36 with Ep 37, which was, of course, delightful. No matter how much I might bemoan the lack of Step 2, I had a stupid, dopey grin on my face all the way through Ep 37 and might have even teared up a tiny bit at the very end. You can’t prove anything. Lemme tell you, though, it’s a good idea to have 37 on hand when you run into the brick wall of the end of 36, because while WKX’s willingness to sacrifice himself for love is theoretically great, it is not something I actually want to see come to fruition, given the pall it would cast over the entire joyous experience that the ZZS/WKX relationship is throughout the rest of the show. Sure, there’s always fic, but there’s a heaviness that hangs over the Bury Your Gays trope, and it’s retroactively ruined shows for me before. So THANK YOU, to those of you who hooked me up so I could immediately move on to Ep 37.

What else? Other things:

OK, so, first, I have to get this out of the way: Did we actually already see all of those “flashbacks” we get in the first part of the ep, during the conversation between Zhou Zishu and Jing Beiyuan, when all the political stuff is supposed to be finally falling together to give us the big picture? I would have to go back and scrummage through those eps to be sure, and I’m not going to spend time doing that (yet) when I still need to do some keysmashing about Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing OH MY GOD, but I do feel like some of this was new information, not just stuff that I’d glossed over because it didn’t seem important at the time? If so, not on, show. I will be keeping an eye out for that on re-watch. I am, however, perfectly willing to accept – if it turns out to be true – that you utterly distracted me with the failboats-in-love storyline, to the detriment of my focus on, you know, plot or whatever. It’s happened before. (It’s one of the reasons I need to go back and watch The Untamed again, at some point.)

OMG FAKE KEY! And as ZZS points out, this has been foreshadowed for us from early on, with WKX’s fake Glazed Armors plot. :bangs table with fist: YES. This show is going to reward re-watching SO MUCH.

Duan Pengju, oh my god, this asshole. The look on his face when the Armory didn’t open was so gratifying. Also, ha. I wondered when ZZS was finally going to be done with his shit. In fact, so much gratification in this whole scene. Xie Wang’s face when he realizes WKX double-crossed him – what, did you think you were the only tricksy one in that little alliance, Xie’er? And, holy shit – I cannot believe that Xie’er actually words this as WKX failing him, taking us back around to this theme one more time again. I would maybe feel a little worse for you if you hadn’t been a hairsbreadth away from killing him before ZZS stopped you in the last ep, Xie’er. Also if you hadn’t helped get A-Xiang killed. So I think the fail in this relationship is going both ways. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like you’re going to get the time WKX had to start untangling yourself from the ways your abuser has fucked you up and over.

It once again becomes blindingly clear why ZZS has been my ride-or-die during this whole thing: Under the grumpy, irritable, day-drinking yet somehow eminently practical exterior, he’s actually an idealistic do-gooder who just wants to make the world a better place for people and sacrifice himself for great justice. Never let it be said that I don’t have a type. Also, I mean. Zhang Zhehan’s FACE. Let’s don’t discount the power of that.

Final word: Don’t miss Ep 37. All three minutes of it. They are perhaps the most important three minutes of the entire show.

(I mean, not FINAL final word. I expect to be going back for a re-watch and posting more things, particularly on eps from before I started typing up 1000K-word reactions this first time around.)

[bisexualoftheblade-old]

how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast 

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang​

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang​

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

[sarcasticfina]

Fic Writer Tag Game

How many works do you have on AO3? 263

What’s your total AO3 word count? 4,901,188

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they? including the fandoms on FFnet, that haven't yet been moved over to ao3, that'd be a total of 37. separating the larger fandoms (marvel, dcu) into their individual parts: Thor; Arrow; Smallville; The Vampire Diaries; Glee; Captain America; Supernatural; Teen Wolf; Iron Man; Life with Derek; Firefly; Friday Night Lights; X-Men; Fantastic Four; Harry Potter; Sons of Anarchy; Girl Meets World; Batman; Daredevil; From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series; Transformers; Lost Girl; Game of Thrones; Banshee; High School Musical; The OC; One Tree Hill; CSI: New York; Degrassi; Gossip Girl; NCIS; The Unusuals; Criminal Minds; iCarly; Secret Life of the American Teenager; Twilight; and The Listener

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. and I wonder (if everything could ever feel this real forever) - darcy/bucky - Steve tells him that Darcy's harmless. Bucky imagines, on paper, Darcy is harmless. HYDRA wouldn't give her a second glance. But he does. He can barely keep his eyes off her. He's not sure he wants to. | Kudos: 5576

2. I Climbed The Tree To See The World (When The Gusts Came Around To Blow Me Down, I Held On As Tightly As You Held On To Me) - darcy centric | darcy/steve - The path to self-discovery, including becoming Coulson's assistant-slash-liaison-slash-bff, Captain America's lady love, and rating fourth on the SHIELD BAMF scale, was like the yellow brick road; it was chaos and confusion around every bend. | Kudos: 3973

3. Take a little piece of my heart (and keep it for yourself) - oliver/felicity - A collection of Olicity prompts on Tumblr posted here for easier access/reading. | Kudos: 3498

4. You put your arms around me (and I'm home) - darcy/bucky - A collection of Darcy/Bucky oneshots, drabbles, and prompt fills. | Kudos: 3293

5. you (anchor me back down) - darcy/bucky - "I'll be right back." Famous last words. | Kudos: 2747

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? not all of them. i do try to keep up on them, especially on longer stories when there's been significant wait times in between chapters, or when a reader is asking a question or is unclear on something. and especially when someone writes a really indepth comment/review, i like to respond to those and talk about motivations and character growth.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? I've written a number of fics that either had suicide or major character death, so i'm not sure if one outranks the other in terms of most angsty... hmm... i remember "be still and know that I'm with you (be still and know that I am here)" and "light a match, burn the world to ash (I will watch it die, and hold your hand as I fly)" both got some pretty intense reactions when they were posted. And "It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Go On)" was basically just angst from beginning to end. buuuuut, i think i'll say "so you think you can tell (heaven from hell" was, only because there's a build up of everything going so right, only to pivot at the end, so it feels very bittersweet.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i loooooove crossovers. i find writing in the marvel fandom makes things quite easy, but also smallville. as long as i can find a common thread, i enjoy finding a way to overlap two shows. i'll say the hardest one to write was "ruby red slippers (unavailable in her size)." I'm not sure why, but i found writing each personality together just felt strange. i liked the idea behind the story, but i definitely remember feeling like i was really forcing myself to keep going, like something just didn't fit right.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? oh, definitely. you cannot please everyone, it's impossible. for the most part, hate comes and i either argue back, take the criticism for what it's worth, or just ignore it when it's baseless. i think the hate that bothered me the most was a homophobic PM someone sent me re: "you know I will adore you ('til eternity)," on FFnet. i actually went and searched it up. they've since blocked me so i can't read our whole thread back and forth. but i did put part of it on tumblr so i could rant on it a bit, so you can see that here.

Do you write smut? If so what kind? ha. yes. depending on the story, it can be really detailed or really flowery. it depends on the ship, the plot, and how graphic i feel like being. i've definitely become more comfortable over the years with my writing. that said, i think everybody likes something different. i once had a reviewer tell me a sex scene was too much, just too intense. it was a stefan/caroline story and to be fair, that entire oneshot was just them fucking, lol, but it is what it is. to each their own.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Multiple times.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! for the record, i am always happy to have my stories translated and shared. i just like having a link sent to me and to be credited.

What’s your all time favorite ship? i have a list of OTPs, because interests change and as shows come and go, my love for a ship can be shelved for a while before it pops back up at random. currently, i can't get enough of buck/eddie from 9-1-1. and, historically, chloe/oliver (smallville) and felicity/oliver (arrow) have been two of my top OTPs. but i think i'd have to go with bonnie/damon. they had all the potential and the show dropped the ball by not exploring it. at the same time, that's kind of a blessing, because i don't trust those writers to properly explore what they had without eventually destroying it for the likes of de/ena. it means a treasure trove for writing where it could have gone and all the what if's.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will? the intention is always to finish. but given how i feel about allison mack and how that impacts my feelings re: chloe sullivan, pretty much anything with her as a main character is not something i see myself returning to.

What are your writing strengths? What are your writing weaknesses? i'm putting these together because my strength is my weakness. i love to write. when i get an idea, i go all in and i will skip eating and sleeping to just write write write. but i also eventually hit a wall and i get so many ideas that i hyperfocus on one until the steam is gone and then i hyperfocus on the next one to maintain that need to keep writing, accidentally leaving the last story in the dust for entirely too long. i also have clinical depression that comes and goes, which hasn't been super great mixed with covid and isolation, so more often recently, i find myself overly exhausted and despite wanting to write, can rarely get motivated to do so. so, pre-covid, wrote so much i left entirely too many stories dangling. during covid, i've just been reading and struggling to get myself focused enough to do what i love.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i appreciate the authenticity when possible, but i've recently been reading more about how native speakers of other languages feel when a) their language is butchered by google translate, or b) it's just not genuine in terms of how bilingual speakers act or speak.

What was the first fandom you’ve written for? it was smallville, but i remember adopting it out to someone else because i wasn't going to finish it. so if you look at my ffnet, the first fandom i wrote for appears to be x-men: the movie, but i remember writing a chloe/oliver story prior to that.

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? i have a lot. i mean, on ffnet, i have 576 stories, many of which were transferred over to ao3, with a lot of oneshots and drabbles getting joined together into collections. so there's a ton to pick from that span a 14-ish year timeline.

"you know I will adore you ('til eternity)" and "let me break (the walls that surround me)" hold a special place in my heart.

honestly, each story is important in its own way. there are bits and pieces of each that i love. every time i write something new it feels like my favorite. my best. and then a new idea comes along. there are scenes i've written that i loved more than the whole of what they became. lines that stand out that are almost too good to be a part of the larger picture.

one of my all time favorite passages i've written was bonnie's thoughts on damon and herself in 'if you love me (let me go)":

He is far from perfect. He is a novel of red, corrective ink. He is frayed pages and torn binding. His life, his choices, his mistakes leave lasting effects on everyone he meets.

She is a lifeboat with a hole in it. An anchor that drowns in the sea while everyone else remains steady above. She is both the calm and the storm, and while she screams that she will not be tamed, she cries. Bittersweet tears that go unnoticed and uncared about.

there are other stories, other pieces of dialogue, that i've been proud of. that make me laugh when i re-read them. that make me cry. and i love them. there are others that make me wilt and cringe and regret. it's a process. love and pride and growth, all bound together.

Tagging: @absentlyabbie, @anonymous033, and anyone else who'd like to fill this all out, haha

[jaxsteamblog]

Cherry Blossoms

Click here to read the entire fic on AO3

For dinner, the family stayed in the large estate near to the village. The festival had attracted the Air Nomads for years, and this time they brought along the workers from the oilrig for a well-earned reprieve. All that meant Katara and Zuko couldn’t always be out in public or else they’d be swarmed.

And Katara wasn’t keen on getting attacked or kidnapped again, especially when she was in such a good mood.

“So what do you think of the festivities, Zuko?” Malina asked as she and Hakoda brought out large platters of food. Sokka followed after them with a covered tureen that still couldn’t contain the smell of seaprune stew.

“It’s been amazing. I have a weakness for festivals like this though.” Zuko replied.

“The kind that won’t piss off the spirits if you do them wrong, you mean?” Sokka asked, setting the tureen down on the table.

Katara leaned over and plucked off the lid, breathing in the steam. It smelled right for once.

“Who made this?” She asked, looking around. Hakoda opened his mouth but, looking past her, quickly shut it.

“It’s Gran-Gran’s recipe, Kat. Don’t worry.” Sokka interjected, picking up a ladle and slopping a generous scoop into a bowl. She narrowed her eyes at him but took it.

“Do you have a favorite festival?” Suki asked.

“Does it have to be Fire Nation?” Zuko asked in return.

“No?” Suki looked confused and Zuko leaned over to look in Katara’s bowl.

“I only ask because my favorite is an Earth Kingdom one. But I do have one I like a lot in Caldera.” He said and started pulling the bowl. Katara shoved it over and returned to the tureen.

“Let’s hear the favorite.” Suki said.

“I can’t remember what it’s called because I only got to see it when I was a kid.” Zuko started, picking up a spoon. “I must’ve been really young because my cousin was…”

Zuko smiled sadly and focused on the seaprune stew.

“Anyway, my mother had taken Azula and I to visit my uncle and a festival was going on when we got there. My cousin took my sister and I out to attend, and it was a lot of fun. The cherry blossoms were in peak bloom and there were picnics and tea; I knew it was probably my uncle’s favorite festival too.

“But at night, the town had set up these lights under the trees and you could walk around this garden looking at them. When the sun had fully set, other lights went on and they made sculptures with them. It blew my tiny little mind.” Zuko explained.

“So, a colony.” Hakoda said.

Katara sat up, but Zuko nodded.

“Yes.” He answered and looked back at Hakoda.

“I think,” Malina said slowly, resting her hand on Hakoda’s arm. “We can all appreciate what Zuko went through to end up here with us.”

Hakoda looked at Katara’s face and grumbled.

“My favorite is Avatar Day.” Suki stated, loudly clattering food onto a plate. Katara relaxed, rolling her eyes.

“We’re lucky Thuy’s not here.” Zuko said.

“That’d only be a problem if Katara said it was her favorite.” Sokka corrected.

“Oh for sure.” Suki said, drawing out her accent for effect. “Zuko can never leave Katara or else Thuy will smack him down.”

“Like she did his dad.” Sokka quipped and Zuko burst with a laugh.

“What’s your favorite festival, Sokka?” Malina asked.

“Love Day.” Suki and Katara shouted together and started laughing. Sokka groaned with loud exaggeration and Malina laughed lightly.

“I don’t like most festivals if they have fireworks. Those bug me.” He did say, tearing his flatbread into shreds.

“I like the solstice stuff. I get a kick out of how serious everyone gets when in reality they’re talking about Yue and my bratty sister.” He said finally and Katara launched a seaprune at him.

“What about you, Malina? Hakoda?” Zuko asked.

“Anything with good food is the best in my opinion.” Hakoda answered gruffly.

“Mine is similar to Zuko’s, actually. But I lived in the northern part of the Earth Empire and I think what you were talking about is in the south.” Malina said.

“Cherry blossoms bloom all the way up there?” Zuko questioned.

“Not natively, but for a long time the trees were a common gift the kings would send to each other. You can find them dotted all over capitals but only in the south are they everywhere.” Malina explained.

“They’re really something.” Zuko said.

“Oh yes. They reminded me of the North Pole, or at least, how my parents talked about the North Pole.” Malina said in a rush.

“Flowers?” Zuko asked.

“What about them?” Sokka snapped.

“How are they at all like the North Pole?” Zuko asked, bewildered.

Sokka looked over and met Malina’s eye, making Katara frown.

“I mean, have you actually looked at snow?” Sokka asked, turning to Zuko.

“You are clearly Piandao’s favorite.” Zuko murmured and Sokka scoffed.

“My parents would always talk about the North Pole when it snowed. Maliq and I would go crazy seeing how little it snowed inside Ba Sing Se, and how quickly the snowplows would come through.” Malina laughed and tapped Hakoda���s arm. “We were not prepared for coming back home.”

“Did you know that some places pickle cherry blossoms and make tea out of it?” Sokka asked and Zuko choked on his soup.

“Oh spirits what.” Sokka croaked.

Katara patted Zuko’s back and shrugged.

“Apparently it’s a wedding sort of tea and Iroh gave it to Zuko and me a while back.” She said.

“I was trying so hard not throw myself at you at that point too.” Zuko said, wiping his eyes.

“Excuse me?” Hakoda interrupted sharply and Malina snorted.

“Well, turns out you’re married by swamp standards so we should probably go pick up some more.” Sokka said.

“Excuse me?” Hakoda repeated.

“We have to get married before them, really.” Suki said, looking at Sokka.

“We should probably elope then, because at this rate they’ll be married twice over.” He said.

“Now hold on…” Hakoda leaned over the table and Zuko put his arm around Katara.

“We’re going backwards through the Avatar cycle. We just have to figure out which temple Aang was born at so we can get hitched there.” He said.

“No.” Hakoda said firmly, and everyone turned to him. “Both of my children are getting married in the South Pole.”

“Dad, we were just kidding.” Sokka said.

Hakoda sighed and leaned back.

“I know.” He said.

“And Suki and I are getting married in Kyoshi.” Sokka added.

Hakoda sputtered and even Katara turned to stare at Sokka. Her brother took Suki’s hand and stared down at their rings.

“I hate being in the Poles.” He said softly.

“What?” Hakoda and Katara shouted.

“O-kay.” Zuko stood up, jostling the table. “I’m taking Sokka to show me the penguins.”

“I can fight my own battles!” Sokka protested, but Suki also stood and the two of them grabbed either of his shoulders.

“I love you man, but I am trying to keep my future wife and father-in-law from hating my guts.” Zuko muttered as he and Suki started dragging him out of the room.

“That’s not my problem! Hey wait the stairs guys wai-” Sokka’s voice was cut off by the sound of chaotic thudding.

“So, Katara, what do you want to do for your birthday?” Malina asked.

Katara lowered her face into her hands and groaned.

~

“Cherry blossoms, huh?” Katara asked, laying on her back and looking up at Zuko.

Zuko’s long hair acted like a curtain as he propped himself over her. He was doing what he normally did when they were able to sleep together; trying to see which parts of her were ticklish as he lightly kissed her.

“They’re pretty.” He said with his lips against her shoulder.

“And very dainty.” Katara added.

“I’m not in love with cherry blossoms, Katara.” Zuko murmured, moving down to her collarbone.

“I’m just saying.”

“And I’m just saying. Though it would be nice to see you in a bath with some cherry blossoms. Seeing them stick to your skin.” Zuko laid himself on her and went back to her neck. “Mmmmm.”

“You just constantly run hot don’t you?” Katara said with a laugh threading through her words.

“You should have seen me as a young man.” Zuko said, pushing himself up to look directly at her. “And when I was plagued with thoughts of a very mysterious spirit.”

“You’re still a young man.” Katara retorted, putting her hands on his chest.

“Did you ever think of me?” Zuko asked.

“The Blue Spirit?”

“Yeah.”

Katara paused then, trying to recollect. Her memory was shoddy at best, and some events were warped by time and trauma.

She remembered her first kiss with Haru before staging a prison break to rescue his father. She remembered seeing Yue in the moonlight and knew love and heartbreak in the same moment as she saw Sokka’s face. She remembered digging her nails into Jet as if she could mold him into something else.

And she remembered the vigilante that she could never figure out.

“I used to dream about running into you over and over again in the war. We’d fight the same villains, we’d tease each other because we are always suspicious, and you would unmask yourself while proclaiming your eternal love for me.” Katara said.

“Funny, I always imagined the same thing.” Zuko said.

“I would never have unmasked.” Katara scoffed.

“There’d be no need.” Zuko said with a smile and then lowered himself again. “I told you that you sweat your stripes off.”

“Zuko!”

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60

[puppy-phum]

ah thank you @yibobibo for tagging me ^^ these are always so much fun! also am avoiding going to sleep lol so here I go

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? umm this dark berry red? idk it’s a very old one and i should probably get a new one :’D

2. Name a food you never eat. hmm, am really not that picky with food. but i had an disagreement with meat loaf for a long time bc once as a kid i got sick while eating it and well. let’s say it came back up :) so i was a bit traumatized lol 

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold! definitely ;; that’s why i hate living here when summer is like maybe two weeks and otherwise am freezing 24/7

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? umm watching ultimate note i think lol it has taken over my weekends

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? wow hmm. i think fazer’s dark choco + chili bar is amazing? otherwise maybe kinder’s bueno 

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? yeah, a couple of times :’D to watch ice hockey lol bc it’s probably the only sport i enjoy... oh, and karate once too! that was cool somehow :o 

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “how are you like this” to heihua in ultimate note bc i dunno why but they keep. flirting with each other while bullying other ppl???  

8. What is your favourite ice cream? chocolate! (or if it’s available, i absolutely adore sorbets or some very nice and sour berry flavors!) 

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? peppermint tea ^^

10. Do you like your wallet? oh yeah :o i love the flower pattern on it and several ppl have complimented it a lot too? i can’t remember where i bought it but it’s nice and i always feel so fancy when i flip it out haha 

11. What is the last thing you ate? some chocolate :’D why does every other answer seem to be somehow related to chocolate... (ah yes, bc i love it) 

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? hmm no. but am actually waiting to go shopping after christmas so that i can get new stuff ^^ 

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? ummmm does street dance of china count? 

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? uh, the normal? is that butter then??? i don’t even know any other flavors

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? i’d say @i-am-just-a-kiddo who always has to suffer from my continuous screaming over. everything, basically (i am a very hyper person when it comes to things i love) 

16. Ever been camping? not specifically but i’ve slept in a tent a couple of times and done some hiking lol also i think i would love to try?

17. Do you take vitamins? nope, not really? should i?? maybe i should, at least some d vitamin... i miss seeing the sun, where is it ;o 

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? nope, not really religious 

19. Do you have a tan? umm no our summers are short as mentioned and i usually try to avoid getting tanned ^^’ 

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? chinese bc i get tired of pizza very fast

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? yeah! i love the feeling of using a straw :’) also love it when they are funny colored or fancy or just very silly looking? 

22. What color socks do you usually wear? very basic gray/white/black but then i have these random colorful socks too? and something like,,, deep turquoise. and dark wine red. and socks with flowers??? 

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? no i am a very law abiding citizen jfghjf (tho i drive very rarely bc i don’t own a car)

24. What terrifies you? ummmmm. let’s say randomly that i would absolutely freak out if one day i was closing my curtains and someone was looking at me through my window (which is highly unlikely bc i live in the third floor but my brain insists on this one on a daily basis) 

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my empty tea cup, waiting to be taken away. so that i could sleep. sigh

26. What chore do you hate most? umm. vacuuming? it just feels like such a waste of time 

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i feel like the first two things that just pop into my head when someone mentions australia are troye sivan and @ashenwren ♥ 

28. What’s your favorite soda? coke or pommac (it’s this fruity soda? i used to call it as kid’s beer when i was young lol) 

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? would usually go to the place but i guess for now it would be safer to go to the drive thru? idk 

30. What’s your favorite number? i have no idea what i’ve answered previously to similar questions but let’s go with eight 

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? physically talked to? my parents probably

32. Favorite meat? chicken but i could also say shrimp or any fish tbh 

33. Last song you listened to? dpr ian - so beautiful x (this song is so addictive somehow??? and the mv is amazing!) 

34. Last book you read? uhhh this book related to men’s studies where the author talked about his own experiences and views on being a man in this society that really much supports toxic masculinity and those toxic ways to show it (i cried) 

35. Favorite day of the week? probably thursday currently bc ultimate note :’) 

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? uuuhh not right now probably but if you give me a moment i promise i can

37. How do you like your coffee? just like i like my men so,,, no. (lol that was an opportunity too perfect not to use) 

38. Favorite pair of shoes? my pair of combat boots! or whatever you can call my black boots that make me feel badass but also fancy and comfortable 

39. Time you normally get up? i try to make it around 10am but i just laze around in bed and i might actually get up at 11am-12pm 

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? both tbh, sunrise has its own vibe that’s completely different from sunset and both are just breathtaking! (no wonder my xicheng fic is very much full of/based on this day cycle symbolism smh) 

41. How many blankets on your bed? one, i surprisingly enough get very hot during night (and not in the sexy way) 

42. Describe your kitchen plates. light blueish gray? square. the smaller ones have these blue shapes on a white background, circle. 

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. clean too! i cleaned it yesterday :’D

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i’d say long drinks. or just,,, i dunno, vodka with orange juice? always works 

45. Do you play cards? oh i did nothing else during the summer but play cards with my mom jfhgfghk it’s very relaxing somehow (also i love to teach ppl new games even if i know like,,, maybe five) 

46. What color is your car? don’t own one 

47. Can you change a tire? absolutely! i used to join my dad as a kid when he changed his tires :’D so i know the process and would be able to handle one i suppose

48. Your favorite state or province? i. don’t really have one? maybe the one on our west coast, i like the dialect over there 

49. Favorite job you’ve had? i’ve only had like two? maybe? and i didn’t really enjoy either but does doing theater stuff as a hobby count? bc i’ve enjoyed that and it felt like a job at certain points :’) 

wow this got so long wth ;o i didn’t even realize it was 40 questions jdhgkfg but it was fun! i hope this tells you something about me :’D and i’ll tag the two ppl who i’ve already tagged into these answers :’D so go for it you two! and then i want to tag some of the ppl i always bother aka @kholran @stebeee @manhasetardis @aheartfullofjolllly @leonzhng @lzswy (i know some of you have been tagged already but i hope it’s fine. also no need to if this feels like too much!)

[angsty-nerd]

Echo-inspired Season 1 Playlist

So I’ve been meaning to share this for… a really long time.  But I’m kind of glad that I waited so long because I found a bunch more songs to add and ended up doing an edit on this playlist this weekend, so this is where it landed.  It’s a bit of a beast—40+ songs. (And it’s my shorter Echo playlist… I have another one I’m still playing with that has all of these, plus the show’s soundtrack songs, plus recommendations that I’m still considering for future Echo use…so this is the reasonably lengthen one…haha).  If you just want to go to Spotify and check it out, here’s the link.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14ZIHN2MwjfgFbA6yF3RAO?si=5vPkiahyQw-voaZjqMLWsw  

If you want to read my rambles about the progression of the songs and why I picked them, along with some lyrics from each one that make me think of Echo, that beastly monstrosity is below the cut for you!  Here’s just the track list:

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles 2. People Need a Melody - the Head and the Heart 3. A World to Explore - Joshua Radin 4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart 5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie 6. It’s OK - Natalie Taylor 7. Something American - Jade Bird 8. Anchor - Novo Amor 9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young 10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band 11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue 12. The Storm - The Airborne Toxic Event 13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band 14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 15. Ruins - Jade Bird 16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody 17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers 18. Wild Heart - Bleachers 19. Dream - Bishop Briggs 20. Lullaby - Lord Huron 21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre 22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 23. 17 - Jade Bird 24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie 25. Lose that Light - Folly and the Hunter 26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne 27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids 28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor 29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide 30. Courage - P!nk 31. Easy - Camilla Cabello 32. Day Too Soon - Sis 33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore 34. Side by Side - Layup 35. Electric Love - BØRNS 36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow feat. Stephanie Briggs 37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last 38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart 39. Come to this - Natalie Taylor 40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish 41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos 42. Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles 43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows 44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

PRE-SHOW

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles

Stolen from Carina’s Liz mix, and obviously heavy on the Ortecho vibe in general. I might associate it a little more with Rosa back in the flashbacks, being proud of Liz and protective of her.

You think I am high and mighty mister Wait til you meet my little sister

2. People Need A Melody - the Head and the Heart

This song just gives me images of Max sitting at home over the years, listening to music, and then Bright Eyes comes on and it just takes him back to that day in the desert when he was lucky enough to be openly in love with Liz for one day before everything went to hell. 💔

All those books in your head, Is that all this really was? Just a role you play that you could hide behind Is it what you want? To bury yourself away Before your time goes I don’t want a love that holds us back I don’t want a life that I can’t have

Cause people need a melody to open their eyes Like a key to a memory frozen in time Holding onto everything, you’re stuck in the past Boy, when you gonna learn the world moves fast?

3. A World to Explore - Josh Radin

Liz leaves on her road trip, pushing the past away, and moving forward into her new life.

Yesterday rains came Everything’s changing The past has closed its door Well I know there’s something more I know there’s so much more So far to go On this open road, a world to explore So far to go On this open road, away we go

4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart

Somewhat self explanatory, I think. Mostly I just think of Max staying in Roswell haunted by all of the what ifs, and how close he and Liz came to being something real.

Did you find what you were looking for? Had to open every single door I get the feeling you’ve been here before From a missed connection Don’t tell me I lost a step Criss-crossed in the wrong direction Found myself in a conversation From a missed connection

5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie

This is, like, my #1 Max over the 10 year gap song. I just hear him all through it, haunted by Rosa’s death and the coverup, heartbroken by Liz’s sudden departure, and trapped in his life.  

Sometimes I’m overcome by every choice I couldn’t outrun… And I wonder where you are tonight If the one you’re with is a compromise Cause we’re walking lines in parallel That will never meet and it’s just as well

6. It’s Ok - Natalie Taylor

You know in the pilot, Max says he used to think about what he’d say if he ever saw Liz again. Meaning he didn’t really anymore. Meaning at some point he let go of the hope of her returning to Roswell. That’s kind of where my mind goes listening to this song.

It only hurts me to live this way Holding on to yesterday… Close my eyes, you’re gone And I’m the only one still holding on It’s ok I’ve got to let you go

7. Something American - Jade Bird

I have an old-school song fic just waiting to come out inspired by this song… I hear a lot of different things in it. Mostly I hear Max and the memory of Liz and Cameron in it. With a little bit of Kyle thrown in too.

In my dreams I find The stars align and they all collide And it’s you and I back in time It feels so right But you don’t call me now And I don’t think too much about you When she’s not around I can feel you’re lonely

PILOT

8. Anchor - Novo Amor

Max’s reaction to Liz finally coming home & hoping she’ll stay.

I hear your ship is coming in Your tears a sea for me to swim I hear a storm is coming in My dear, is it all we’ve ever been Anchor up to me, love

9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Max gets that brief smile on his face when he’s watching Liz dance in the Crashdown, before he lets her know he’s there. And this is what I hear going through his head in that moment.

When we were strangers I’d watch you from afar When we were lovers I’d love you with all my heart… Because I’m still in love with you I want to see you dance again

10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

It honestly took me a long time to get on board with adding this one, because it’s such an important OG Max/Liz song.  But a while back in one of her Q&As, Carina said that if she could give the pilot a title it’d be this, and even with this different version of Max and Liz it still is the perfect song and perfect metaphor for their experience in the pilot.

Lost for you I’m so lost for you You come crash into me

11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue

I mean…. 

Do I need to say anything more?  Okay, well here are some lyrics to emphasize my point.

She’s a diamond in the coal Something that enchants my soul Graceful and captivating Just one glance and my mind is invaded… So should I try really really hard Or just keep loving you from afar… Oh can we walk into the sunset Until our bodies are silhouettes Cause busy days cause busy lives And maybe you’ll just keep on walking by Are my hopes just gonna suffocate in my doubt Or am I being my anxious self drowning my chances out

SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW

12. The Storm - the Airborne Toxic Event

I definitely stole this from someone else’s Echo mix…but take it as a compliment! I definitely see a little bit of Liz coming home in this song, both from her perspective and Max’s. But in my playlist’s narrative I also see this as being kind of like the end of 1x02, when Liz makes the decision to stay and investigate Rosa’s murder.

I surprise myself sometimes The way the days unfold and this road unwinds You tell me you see it too And the miles seem like inches when I think of you It’s been 25 days since I’ve been gone 25 weeks since I’ve seen my home I spent 25 months chasing this song and all of this time I’ve been alone Then you walk right through the doorway You tell me you’re here to stay

TEARING UP MY HEART

13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

So if the last song was the end of 1x02, that means now we’re in the awkward, heartbreaking period where Max is pouring his heart out, and Liz is pretending to feel nothing because she doesn’t trust him. 💔 Which is basically the running theme for the next few songs…

You cannot quit me so quickly There’s no hope in you for me… The space between the wicked lies we tell And hope to keep safe from the pain… We’re strange allies with warring hearts…

14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

My brother played this song while we were driving from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon in February.  It was the morning after Smells Like Teen Spirit aired, Liz had just told Max that she never wanted to see him again, and I heard this song for the first time and said to myself, “YES.”

All around your island there’s a barricade That keeps out the danger that holds in the pain Sometimes you’re happy sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean half of me is sky But you’ve got a heart so big it could crush this town But I can’t hold out forever even walls fall down

15. Ruins - Jade Bird

Just…I think about Max and that painful scene between him and Liz at the end of this episode, and how much her accusations throw him off.  And the resulting explosion that caused the blackout.

How do we have to do this again? I’ll tell you how I’m feeling You’re like a cryptomaniac trying to connect the dots and the facts How do we have to be here? ‘Cause these hotels, I just can’t relax The more I bend, the worse that I snap I feel like a goddamn maniac

Tell me what did I do to deserve somebody like you? It’s too hard to tell the truth nothing’s real and nothing’s rude I’m just a product of my emotions and they’re all setting off again… You sure you wanna do this now? Oh, you sure you wanna do this now?

'Cause I mean it when I say that I don’t understand And I mean it when I say that I’m not sure who I am 'Cause one minute I love you and the next it’s all in ruins One minute thinking of you and the next my mind’s in ruins

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE

16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody

Very much the Crashdown “how do you truly feel about me” scene.

Find myself at your door just like all those times before I’m not sure how I got there all roads, they lead me here I imagine you are home in your room, all alone And you open your eyes into mine and everything feels better And right before your eyes I’m breaking No past, no reasons why just you and me This is the last time I’m asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I’m asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

DON’T SPEAK

Don’t Speak is one of my favorite chunks of this playlist. I love the pre-pilot set of songs, this set, and then the Recovering the Satellites to the end set the most out of all of this whole thing. Just thought I’d share. Also 3 of my 4 favorite episodes. Hmmm… 🤔

17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers

So, this is kind of my interpretation of Max’s POV after learning that Isobel sent Liz away. I feel like that knowledge and the realization that Michael and Isobel had manipulated the biggest heartbreak of his life, and lied to him for a decade about it, kind of freed him in a sense.  And for the first time he felt like he could stop hiding and release his guilt.  If Liz hadn’t been in trouble, I think he would have gone straight to her and confessed everything.

It doesn’t get easier the further I run It gets harder to carry the weight of what I’ve done I am speaking from experience I don’t wanna run no more

18. Wild Heart - Bleachers Pretty much same themes as above.  These two songs to me are kind of the combo of that determination in Max.  Above is more focused on his guilt and wanting to reveal the truth.  This one is more about his love for Liz and his determination to find her and protect her and love her.

As I sat with the echoes of lies that I told I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts… Well, everything has changed And now it’s only you that matters I will find any way to your wild heart

19. Dream - Bishop Briggs

I don’t remember who did a fanvid to this…was it Mo? It was wonderful and it’s perfect for the end of this episode.  Max running to save Liz from Wyatt Long and wanting to come clean to her, even though he knew it would likely still make her turn away from him. Liz breaking down at the end…sniffles.

Oh, I had a dream that you couldn’t hear me screaming Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn’t stop you leaving I wanna wake up where your love is 'Cause your love is always waking mine

I wanna break down where your heart gets So torn it’s almost breaking mine I wanna lay here, lost and bitter So long, I feel like I could die I wanna tell you what my truth is But it’s buried down inside

20. Lullaby - Lord Huron

I heart this song… and I think it speaks to Liz in this episode so much.  The danger she puts herself in, Wyatt!Noah coming after her, Max desperately wanting to protect her… 

You arrive along with the sun Where have you been darlin’? What have you done? You were out finding trouble again There’s a fire in your eyes and there’s blood on your hands Come inside and lie down to sleep You ain’t gonna run and you know that you’re beat Rest awhile, they’re coming for you There’s a price to be paid for the things that we do

Fall asleep and forget all your troubles Dream of laughter and old friends and lovers Dream of when you were innocent

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre Early in the episode, when they were happy and innocent. I feel like this song just kind of captures that young love, high school vibe.

Watch me when you look my way See me smiling, be my night and day Touch me in your own sweet way Feel me tremble, you take my words away All of the time I love you Make you a rhyme, I love you

22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Here’s another Tom Petty song from my brother’s playlist that we listened to on the way to the Grand Canyon on the day after this episode aired.  I heard it, and immediately thought of the Pod Squad (and Liz) and how the incidents surrounding Rosa’s death kind of forced them all out of their youth and into a traumatic adulthood.  Also I think it kind of bridges back to the present with Max telling Liz the story of Rosa’s death and her reaction towards him at the end of the episode.

We grew up fast when lies were just a fact of life We grew up mad cause we never had a home… Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down No, I just can’t lie down, I just can’t lie down Well, you know who I am So don’t treat me like I’m someone else… You never talk like that to no one else You never scream like that for no one else

23. 17 - Jade Bird

This…just…the look on Max’s face when Liz runs out after telling him she never wants to see him again. It’s like his heart is breaking all over again.

You asked me to be yours, well you’re tempting fate How I left a promise but it’s one I can’t make Lord knows it’d kill me if you walked away But darling my lies, they hide you from the pain Stay, let me explain why I act so mean Don’t look away, baby, it’s not all that it seems I’m so afraid that you’ll just get up and leave My heart will break like I’m 17

I SAW THE SIGN & BARELY BREATHING

24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie

“Liz Ortecho is my hurricane.”  Max is such a ball of anger and angst in this episode.  This song may lean a little more on the anger side than really played out in the episode, but I still think it works, considering that Liz spends much of this episode creating the serum.

You used to be such a delicate kid A lonely fish in a sea full of squid So I can’t blame you for leaving how you did You just fell off the grid 'Cause heaven is a hole in the sky The stars are cracks in the ceiling of night But you can’t be your own alibi As hard as you try It’s a tired refrain you’re singing over and over again As you try to explain who’s at fault for your mistakes But I won’t be the debris in your hurricane

25. Lose That Light - Folly and the Hunter

I don’t recall where I got this song from…it may have come from someone else’s playlist.  But it makes me think about how rough of a go Max has it in Barely Breathing and how Liz is, like, the light that kind of guides him through it, that he has faith in to save his sister.

In my arms you fell, after fighting tooth and nail. The convictions you have are all gone now. You followed that trail, just to take a chance and fail. Do not let that dark voice call you out Even if it gets hard, don’t lose that light…

26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne

I see this as the end of the episode, when they are so close to being on the same page, but Liz is still afraid and still puts up that wall.  Max sees how amazing she is, how she’s willing to fight to save Isobel for him.  And Liz is beginning to feel it as well, because the drive to do it for Max, to comfort him, was so powerful.  “My heart is like paper” = Max, “yours is like a flame” = Liz.

Tell me what you’re feeling I can take the pain Tell me that you mean it That you won’t leave again Tell me what your heart wants Such a simple thing My heart is like paper Yours is like a flame

SONGS ABOUT TEXAS

27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids

This song just makes me think about that vibe all through Songs About Texas prior to the kiss.  The heart eyes looks, the touches, how close they are to going there, even though it hasn’t happened yet.  This is also the only song I couldn’t find lyrics for online so I transcribed as best I can, but I couldn’t figure one line out, so I just left it off the post! Sorryyyy… 

I guess you win, I guess I’ll see you around again Locked eyes, brushed hands. I’ll lie and say we’re only friends Yes I want you but I don’t want to Cause I can’t hold you when I want to So maybe I’m selfish, maybe it’s reckless Maybe I’m out of my mind

Ooh you make me weak you, you make me seek you You’d make me dive down to the depth of your ocean Ooh if I could hold you… I’d make these colors real

28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor

Throughout this whole episode I feel like there’s a general sense of Liz giving up her fight against Max.  She can’t hide how much she loves him anymore.  She hasn’t quite decided to be with him yet…but throughout the episode that wall thins more and more until she finally does give in to him.

No one will win this time I just want you back I’m running to your side Flying my white flag, my white flag… Whenever you’re ready, whenever you’re ready Can we, can we surrender I surrender

29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide

I’m pretty sure this came from another Echo playlist…because it’s the perfect song to represent Max’s speech to Liz to reveal how well he sees her.

I find it hard to believe you don’t know The beauty you are But if you don’t let me be your eyes A hand to your darkness, so you won’t be afraid When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you’re twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I’ll be your mirror, reflect what you are

30. Courage - P!nk

That split second before Liz decides to grab Max and pull him in for the kiss…

See, I let the light in the darkest places Let the sun shine, pain goes away Nothing is permanent for me Have I the courage to change?

31. Easy - Camilla Cabello

It’s almost ridiculous how Echo’s first kiss this song is. Like, seriously, Camilla? Do you watch RNM? Are you an Echo shipper? Is this your own personal fan song?

You really, really know me The future and the old me All of the mazes and the madness in my mind You really, really love me You know me and you love me And it’s the kind of thing I always hoped I’d find

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Touch me 'til I find myself, in a feeling Tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy All I know is you, heal me when I’m broken, heal me when I’m broken All I know is you, saved me and you know it, saved me and you know it

32. Day Too Soon - Sia

Liz making the choice that it is finally the right time for her to stop running. Okay, Max has been waiting patiently, but for Liz everything has finally perfectly collided.

Pick me up in your arms Carry me away from harm You’re never gonna put me down I know you’re just one good man You’ll tire before we see land You’re never gonna put me down You’ll risk all this for just a kiss I promise I will not resist

Promise you won’t hold me down And when we reach a good place Let’s be sure to leave no trace Promise they won’t track us down

Now I’ve been running all my life I ran away, I ran away from good Yeah, I’ve been waiting all my life You’re not a day, you’re not a day too soon

33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore

Awesome cover of 90’s song? Check! Super romantic to the point of almost cheesy? Check! It’s got Echo getting together written all over it.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy. I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need. I’ll love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do I want to stand with you on a mountain I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me

I DON’T WANT TO MISS A THING, CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA, CREEP

34. Side By Side - Layup

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of songs for this chunk of episodes for Echo. But they’re finally together, on the same team, being awesome, so that’s pretty much all I’m getting at with this song.

And so, now I go down all these roads with you, my home And now, I’ll keep you close I hope you know - I love you most So here I walk by your side, oh, on our own time Oh, we’ll be alright, as long as we stay side by side From the coldest nights to warmer degrees we’ll get by You and I, side by side

RECOVERING THE SATELLITES

35. Electric Love - BØRNS

I mean… Alien!God Max channeling all that lightning to get the job done is fucking sexy. And then he just marches home to worship his love the way Liz deserves. *nods firmly*

Baby you’re like lightning in a bottle I can’t let you go now that I got it All I need is to be struck By your electric love Baby, you’re electric love Electric love Rushing through me I feel your energy rushing through me…

36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow f/ Stephanie Briggs

Echo love scene. Just ignore that Liz is not wearing a dress. Everything else fits. And the chorus? *chefs kiss* “Because I’ve seen you and I know you”...ties right back to their first kiss and Max proving to Liz that he isn’t holding onto some high school fantasy.  “And I’m not going anywhere”...it breaks my heart because it was 100% true in that moment…but hours later Max is dead. 😭

I bet your shoulders can hold more than just the straps of that tiny dress That I’ll help you slide aside when we get home I’ve seen 'em carry family and the steel drum weight of me Effortless, just like that dress that I’ll help off I bet your back can carry more than just the weight of your button-down One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home I’ve seen you carry family and all my insecurities One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home

Because I’ve seen you And I know you And I’m not going anywhere

37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last

This is, like, the most Max song ever. Especially where his head is at right at the end of Recovering the Satellites after he and Liz make love, when he is straight up in worshipful puppy mode.  It makes me both 😍 and 😭, because I love how much he loves her, but I know how unhealthy his devotion is, and that it leads to him dying. 

Sweetheart, you look a little tired when did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home stay as long as you need Tell me, is something wrong? If something’s wrong, you can count on me You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat It’s okay if you can’t find the words Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest I know exactly how the rule goes put my mask on first No, I don’t want to talk about myself tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up ‘til you’re good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too I don’t even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached What a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you, love Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached I will love you without a single string attached

38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart

In my head this is another afterglow, Max manic on love & power and it pushes him to do something crazy song...I both see he and Liz happy together in his bed in the morning sunlights and flickering firelight...and Max deciding to heal Rosa. 😍😭

These are just flames burning in your fireplace I hear your voice and it seems as if it was all a dream I wish it was all a dream I see a world, a world turning in on itself Are we just like hungry wolves howling in the night I don’t want no music tonight

Every time I hear another story Oh the poor boy lost his head Everybody feels a little crazy But we go on living with it

39. Come to This - Natalie Taylor

Liz crying over Max’s body 😭😭😭. There is no heart eyes here.  It’s all just paaaain. 😭😭😭

How can this happen? How can this be? There is no ending, there is no peace The darkness is so close The light so quickly goes And now it’s all gone Now it’s all gone Will you hear me when I speak? Do you feel the pain with me? I’ve tried to be so strong I thought that hope would come But you’re not here

Oh, the darkness keeps its grip Oh, how’d it come to this? Oh, please come back Please come back

40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

More Liz crying over Max’s body…and just love and pain and death and sadness. 😭😭😭

Retrace my lips Erase your touch It’s all too much for me Blow away Like smoke in air How can you die carelessly? Our love is six feet under I can’t help but wonder If our grave was watered by the rain Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom?

POST-SEASON 1

These are just kind of my headcanon songs of various post-S1 reactions from Liz at various different dark moments.

41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos

I see a lot of people attribute this song to Liz at the beginning of the show, but I think it’s more appropriate at the end of the season. I’d love it if they use this song in Season 2.  I see it more as Liz putting the walls she had at the beginning of the show back up again after loving and losing Max, which would break my heart. But I think it’s how she would cope while he’s gone and then those walls would come back down.

Hello, my old heart It’s been so long Since I’ve given you away And every day, I add another stone To the walls I built around you To keep you safe

Oh, oh, don’t leave me here alone Don’t tell me that we’ve grown For having loved a little while Oh, oh, I don’t wanna be alone I wanna find a home And I wanna share it with you

42. Poetry By Dead Men - Sara Bareilles

I can see this scene in my head. I can see Liz and Max both longing for this scene in their head. Just the simple domesticity of drinking coffee together in the afterglow, while Max reads poetry to Liz.  Except that he had to go and die first and that just fucking sucks.  So I hear some anger and a little bit of “don’t let the door hit you on your way out” in this song, and I could see Liz occasionally just having moments of anger in her grief where she feels this way. Briefly.

By the time you hear this, who knows where I might be Singing about another near-miss love that ended incomplete I was ready, but you weren’t So jump with your net from this bridge you’ve burned I wanted to tell you things, all the secrets I’ve been keeping I saw it in front of me, but then you just kept disappearing A good dream, almost, now I tell your ghost

I wanted to be your girl in a white T-shirt Over coffee, stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men I wanted to be your girl with your hands on my skin Stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men

43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows

This is one of the few episode titles where the lyrics actually get to me, like in a plotty way. But not necessarily from what happens in the episode, so much as the idea of Liz questioning later whether the brief moment of love she had with Max was worth all of the accompanying pain. 😭😭😭😭

So why’d you come home to this sleepless town? It’s a lifetime commitment, recovering the satellites All anybody really wants to know is When you’re gonna come down, when you’re gonna come down But we only stay in orbit for a moment of time And then you’re everybody’s satellite I wish that you were mine, I wish that you were mine

44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

Definitely stole this from someone else, but it’s perfect and I love ending with it, because even though it’s loaded down with all of the pain we’re feeling at the end of the season, it also has a little twinge of hope and possibility for that future day when Max comes back (which we all know he will)!  So in other words, it’s 😭😭😍😍

The sky looks pissed The wind talks back My bones are shifting in my skin And you my love are gone My room feels wrong The bed won’t fit I cannot seem to operate And you my love are gone

I’ll never say that I’ll never love But I don’t say a lot of things And you my love are gone

So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take, Then I will take, The chain from off the door

[rosesformark]

allure - mark lee : [01]

genre: angst, fluff, college au, fratboy!mark

pairing: mark lee x reader

word count: 2.3k

synopsis: attention and affection, the things he thrived off and wanted most in the world. but would it be at the expense of the one he loves most?

A/N: wooo i’m really excited to start this mark lee fic :)) this is just the beginning, the juicy parts has yet to come hehe. but how is this for an intro? I’m not sure how long this will be but i do want to make it pretty lengthy. any feedback is welcomed!! uwu i always say this but your requests haven’t been forgotten, i’m just taking my time with them to avoid rewriting the same plots since a lot of you asked for angst!! LOL btw i love mark and i hope you enjoy reading :> stay tuned for mORRrreEEE

MAR. 27, 2019

[2:37 AM]

“Let’s run away together.”

His sheets, a solid black, matched the night sky outside the window, moonlight filtering the bedroom with a mute but silvery atmosphere. The blankets were snuggly wrapped around both your frames as his words drifted softly through the air. His arms wound around your shoulders, squeezing slightly as you snuggled deeper into his neck.

His blunt words made your heart stutter, the endless possibilities popping into your head. You quickly shot them down though, not daring to raise your hopes up.

“That’s quite a bold statement,” you say. Nevertheless, a giggle went past your lips as you looked up and met his eyes. He held them steadily as his eyes, that you swore held the stars, began to crinkle and his cheekbones slowly became more prominent. He let out a chuckle and pressed his lips firmly against the crown of your head, holding you tighter if that was even possible.

“I’m serious, even if it’s for one week. Let’s just leave this place together where no one can find us and we can do whatever the hell we want.” Normally, when one uses his choice of uncertain words, it would scare you. But, you knew him, you knew that with the air of determination he had at that moment, held some sort of truth that eased your restless thoughts at open-ended promises. Mark was always a dreamer, he liked being on his feet and would constantly tell you of his ambitions and goals. Whether it be outings with the boys or over the top dates with you, he never failed to achieve them to the best of his ability.

Realistically speaking though, you both were young college students so what could you actually do? So, you decided to play along, “When would you have the time? The frat needs you, they would hate for me to take away their big,” you were left with a bitter taste as you said the last few words. Except for a few, most of Mark’s frat buddies absolutely detested when he suddenly stopped sleeping around and getting pissed off drunk nearly every night. Which was after he had started seeing you.

The idea though, of you and him together. It sounded so delightfully sweet and selfish that you couldn’t help the blush passing through your cheeks, heart fluttering. You pulled the covers up underneath your chin.

Mark rustled a bit, ruffling the sheets and turning to face you better. “Don’t think about them for now, it’s just you and me.” His signature smirk could be seen through the dark as he slowly intertwined his fingers in yours.

“Mark, you didn’t even tell them about us yet…”

“Shh, that’s not as important.” Your heart sunk at his statement and it showed in the way you slightly pulled away from him. He immediately caught your actions and moved to stop you, placing the palm of his hand against the dip of your back. Hurriedly, he continued, “What’s important is how we feel. Whats between us. You know how I feel about you so don’t worry about it,” he softly caressed your cheek, eyes dipping down to meet yours as he whispered softly, “Okay?”

You were hesitant for a moment. He always did this, always avoided talking about your relationship yet making endless promises like the hopeless romantic he is.You couldn’t help it though. His black hair fluttered against his eyes and compared to daytime Mark, with his wavy hair parted, he looked so loving and adorable. Looking into his deep eyes, the moonlight hit them in a way where it seemed like they were endless, with you falling deeper and deeper into their abyss. This was your favorite Mark, the Mark that let down his walls and wasn’t afraid to show his emotions towards you.

You exterior started melting as he softly rubbed your back, he knew your weaknesses and used them well to his advantage when he wanted you to cave. You mumbled a soft okay and he broke out into a grin. He then proceeded to press you into his chest as his nose nuzzled itself into your hair.

“That’s my girl.”

⋯

MAR. 27, 2019

[8:42 AM]

You cursed as you continued walking towards the campus library. Struggling to carry the intimidating amount of books piled into your arms, you really wished Kyungsoo didn’t called for the incredibly last minute meeting.

You had to unwillingly untangle yourself in the morning from Mark’s arms, if Kyungsoo had not said that it was an extreme, super duper emergency, you would not have left the boy you were so infatuated with for the world.

Imagine your distaste when Kyungsoo followed up with a text stating “coffee shop”, indicating a simple study session and not an extreme, super duper emergency. But alas, he was your best friend and if he knew that the reason you couldn’t come was because you were with campus heartthrob, frat boy and apparently fuck boy ahoy Mark Lee, you would never hear the end of it.

So, in the end, you snuck out of Mark’s room and into yours to grab at least what looked to be five thick textbooks. As you glared at the stack in your arms, you regretted being in such a rush that you didn’t even notice two of the books weren’t even yours.

You let out a loud groan as in the midst of your struggle, said textbooks decided to fall off your stack and topple on the cement ground. You stopped for a moment and unsteadily shoved the other three books in the crook of your arm; without thinking, you leaned down to grab the two textbooks while forgetting about the laws of physics and managing to lose grip on the other three.

As if in slow motion, and also at the moment you seemed to be questioning whether higher education was worth it, two pairs of arms shot out to help you. One pair went for the books already on the ground while the other pair caught your three books in mid fall and immediately helped straighten them in your arms.

You let out a sigh of relief as your eyes trailed the arms that were gripping yours. Your eyes widened as they met a pair of familiar, dark brown eyes that just last night, you shamelessly were staring in. Mark’s lips turned up into a grin as his fingers lingered near your waist, you felt the blood rush to your face as you realized just how close you two were standing.

Mark opened his mouth and was ready to speak when a loud cough from your side made you jump back. Mark hardly flinched as his arms remained in their position, gripping nothing but air. Which would’ve been funny to look at if it weren’t for Kyungsoo’s questioning eyes boring into yours, clearly directed at how close you were towards the campus heartthrob and had made no indication of pushing him away.

You avoided his gaze as he thrust out the textbooks that had fallen on the floor to you. You hands almost gripped the smooth covers when all of the sudden Mark snatched the textbooks out of Kyungsoo’s hand, quite roughly if you may add.

Kyungsoo immediately shot his signature glare as Mark merely smirked at him, “Ah thanks man, these were mine actually.” It was only then that you put two together and realized those textbooks were probably ones that Mark had left over the last time you had a study date. You internally pinched yourself for your stupidity.

“Are you sure? Y/n clearly was the one who dropped it in the first place.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, don’t worry about it.”

You could tell that Mark’s unbothered tone irked Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo never liked Mark, something about what happened when they were in highschool and adding Mark’s reputation on top of that, it was needless to say that Mark absolutely grinded Kyungsoo’s gears. His protective side was practically bursting at this point, which normally would warm your heart but considering its towards Mark, not so much. Before Kyungsoo started something, you jumped in to retort, “Yeah, he dropped them. You must’ve seen wrong, Soo.”

You mustered up the most innocent face you could as Kyungsoo’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Mark. You were about to crack when finally, Kyungsoo turned around and muttered, “Okay, let’s go then,” proceeding to walk in the direction of the coffee shop.

You didn’t make two steps before Mark pulled you back by the elbow, making you slightly lose your balance and crash into his chest from behind. You sprang away just in case Kyungsoo turned back to catch your flustered being as you sent daggers towards Mark’s teasing face. Even with the previous tension from before, he still maintained a relaxed state that was also shown through his clothing for the day, grey sweatpants paired with a simple white tee that made you glance again at his broad shoulders.

“You forgot something, love” If it wasn’t for the blatant pet name that caught you off guard, it was definitely the quick peck to your forehead that although made your heart flutter, also made you worriedly glance around for anyone that caught the intimate action.

Mark let out a small chuckle and used his hand that wasn’t holding the textbooks to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “Why you so worried, love?”

“Because you keep calling me love when anybody could hear, Mark”

He ignored your statement, pouted and spoke softly, “You left so early this morning you didn’t even notice you took my books with you.”

“You wouldn’t even have been able to take them since they were at my dorm.”

“True, but since you lose track of how many books you have, it made you accidentally take them from your stack and carry them all across campus before you realized they weren’t yours.”

“Aren’t you a smart one today?”

He let out a loud laugh and drew back his hand that made you instantly crave for it again. “I wish I could kiss you right now, you’re being so cute and sassy.”

“Then why don’t you?”

He didn’t answer and simply smiled at you. The smile that showed all of his teeth but with the knowing fact that it always made you melt so you would forgive him for his actions.

He once again, ignored your prying questions, “Are you still coming to the party tonight?” he leaned in to your ear and whispered, “We’ll have more time to do what we want.”

You shuddered at his deep voice and the suggestiveness that came with it, cheeks burning as Mark smirked at his clear effect on you.You were about to answer before a pair of girls interrupted you to catch Mark’s attention.

“Mark! C’mon, we’ll be late to class.” Their high pitched voices called out to him as they gazed longingly at Mark’s presence. The green monster immediately jumped out the longer they stared at him, even more so when he turned around and gave them a charming grin, obnoxiously living up to the campus heartthrob name.

“I’ll see you later, baby.” He flashed you a smile that you knew were only reserved for you. It still didn’t hurt any less though when he started walking with the girls and made no move to push them away when one of them linked arms with him. You stared at his back as you were left with a highly disappointed feeling.

You and Mark weren’t official, yes. But he sure as hell did act the part when and only behind closed doors. You’ve had numerous talks about this but they always ended with Mark somehow diverting the conversation elsewhere and you were left with the feeling of unsettledness.

He never reciprocated other girls actions but he sure didn’t stop them. Mark has always told you that only you could affect him in a that way but judging by his reputation and past experiences you’ve seen, he has always thrived off of other’s attention and affection.

You snapped out of your daze just as your phone buzzed in your pocket. Pulling it out, you saw that you had several messages from “m :)”.

9:23 AM >> baby, don’t be jealous

9:23 AM >> you know i only have eyes for you

9:23 AM >> pls come to the party tho, i miss you already and i want to spend time with you :(

what if i don’t want to spend time w you? << 9:24 AM

9:24 AM >> you can’t lie to me and you know it

9:24 AM >> cmon, it’ll be fun!

9:24 AM >> cause you’ll be there with me ;)

You chuckled at his reply and stared at his contact picture. It was a picture of you two cuddling while playing around with Snapchat filters. Pink hearts danced around your heads as his face was pressed on top of yours, his hair messily sprayed on top his head, you were smiling widely and he was adorably pouting. It was such a lovey-dovey, borderline cringe worthy couple photo but it never failed to warm your entire being. You only wished you could display it on your lock screen for the world to see.

Your smile broke when Kyungsoo’s face flashed across the screen indicating a phone call coming through, making you gasp. You had completely forgot about the study session with him and had let him walk on his own when you were preoccupied with Mark. Purposely declining the call, you pivoted your feet and immediately started jogging towards the coffee shop, Potted. In the midst of your jog, you sent a few quick texts to Mark and started sprinting as Satansoo started flashing in the very deep pits of your mind.

I’ll be there << 9:27 AM

but not for you >:( << 9:27 AM

9:27 AM >> whatever you say, love. can’t wait to see you tonight :)

⋯

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[solei28]

Coffee, Pie, You- Chapter 1

Here is a new fic I’m working on. I’d love to know what you guys think. 

James was walking down Clarkson Avenue in Brooklyn. He had just left Kings County Hospital after stopping an armed robbery in progress. It had happened a few blocks away and he made it there just in the nick of the time. The man being mugged had been hit in the face with the gun robber had before aiming it at the man’s head.

For once, James thanked his nightmares. Had it not been for them tonight, that poor man would’ve been killed for a few measly bucks and a watch.

He had started going for long walks at night knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall back to sleep. Tonight, his walk saved a life.

After beating the crap out of the thug and calling the cops, he took the ride in the ambulance with the victim. This way he could make sure the man was going to be alright and let the officer who went with them know what had happened. Both the man and the office were surprised when they found out who he was.

“Thank you so much, Sergeant,” the man said tears in his eyes. “How can I ever repay you?”

James shook his head quickly. “There’s no need to. It’s what my job.”

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s an honor to meet you, sir,” the officer said shaking his hand. “I’m Riley Fitzgerald.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” James said. “Do you need anything else from?” He asked as they pulled into the emergency room parking lot.

Riley shook his head. “No, Sir. That’s all.”

James gave a curt nod. “Well, have a good night.” He looked at the man. “You’re in good hands from here. Please, be careful in the future.” And, with that, he jumped out of the ambulance and continued his walk.

He was starting to feel hungry and wondered if there was anything open this late. To his delight and surprise, he found a food kiosk. The sign above it read Curious Delights. As he approached, the aroma of coffee and bacon made his mouth water. Then, he saw the woman behind the counter, back to him, flipping a pancake over.

He watched for a moment as she swayed her hips to a song playing from her phone. She grabbed an aluminum plate and began to stack the food from the grill in it. She was humming as she turned around and finally saw him standing there.

“Oh, hello,” you say sweetly, hiding the fact that the man startled you a bit. “What can I get for ya?”

James smiled shyly. You were so pretty and had the softest eyes he’s ever seen. “Um, a coffee, cream, and 2 sugars, please.”  

“Small, medium or large?” You ask putting the plate to the side.

James thought about it for a moment. “Medium is fine, thanks.”

“Sure thing.” You turn and grab a medium cup to his coffee. You look at him over your shoulder. “Would you like something to go with it? Maybe, a hot sandwich or a slice of pie?”

James bit his lip. He was hungry, but he didn’t know what he was in the mood for. Apparently, you read it on his face.

You handed him his coffee and then a menu. “Here, take a look. While you pick something out, I’m going to have breakfast.” You grabbed the plate of food.

James chuckled. “You know what? I’ll have what you’re having if it’s not too much trouble?”

“It would never be too much trouble, Sergeant,” you said with a wink. You laughed at the expression on his face. He looked like an adorable confused puppy. “Yes, I know who you are. Kinda hard not to. You are an Avenger.”

Smiling sheepishly, he said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He took a sip of his coffee and his eyebrows went up. “I think this is the best coffee I’ve ever had.”

Your cheeks went pink at the genuine compliment. “Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” You quickly turned to the grill and began making his food.

James looked around at the empty streets and then at his watch. It was 1:37 am. “So, are you always out here so late?”

“Only 4 nights a week. I do the graveyard shift. I’m here from 11 at night to 9 in the morning,” you tell him grabbing 2 eggs. “How do you want your eggs?”

“However you like them,” James answered and took another sip of coffee. It really was delicious. He couldn’t wait to try your food. “You’ve got guts being out here all night alone. These streets are dangerous.”

“Over easy, it is, then.” You turn and smile at him. His heart flutters. “Ah, it’s not so bad. Since I’m so close to Kings County, my main customers are hospital staff, EMTs and officers. They keep me safe and I keep them fueled.”

James huffed out a laugh at that. “Sounds like a good deal. Which nights are you here?”

You flipped the pancakes and reached for another aluminum plate. “Thursday to Sunday. Business seems to boom on the weekends.” You turned with the plate in hand and showed him what you made.

His eyes widened. There were 4 pancakes stacked up next to 2 eggs and a mountain of bacon. “This looks great, doll.”

You were caught off guard by the pet name. “Oh,” you said abruptly snapping his eyes to you. “I almost forgot the best part!” You reached to your right and took the lid off a small stockpot with a ladle in it. You mixed the contents a bit and then poured it over the pancakes. “There. Now, it's ready.”

James looked took the plate from you and looked at what you put on the pancakes. There were strawberries and bananas in some kind of sauce on them. He looked up at you curiously and saw you adding some to your own plate.

You frowned for a moment at his wary expression. “It’s just strawberries and bananas cooked in some honey. It’s really good. Try it,” you urged handing him a plastic pack with a fork, knife, spoon, and napkin in it.

You watched him eagerly as he took it and opened it, taking out the fork. While he cut into the pancakes, you had a chance to admire just how handsome he was. His blue-grey eyes were intense and focused, but you could see softness in them. His jaw was strong and chiseled. Your mind wandered to how it must feel to kiss those full lips.

James had to bite back the moan that wanted to burst out of him when he tried it. He couldn’t believe how good it was. The pancakes were fluffy, the fruit concoction was the perfect compliment for them. “Wow, this is amazing.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up with pride. You always loved when people enjoyed your food. Especially, when it was something that wasn’t traditional. It was the perfect motivation to keep at it.

“Yes! I would never have thought to pair pancakes with this. Way better than boring old maple syrup.”

That made you throw your head back and laugh. James couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. You had the cutest laugh. He found himself wanting to be the reason for you to laugh like that all the time. You were breathtakingly beautiful.

“Well, I’m glad I was able to introduce to something new,” you said after catching your breath. “Um, would you like to sit down? There’s a seat on the side here.” You pointed to the left side of the kiosk.

“Oh, thanks. Can I put this here for a moment?” he asked gesturing to the plate of food and then the counter. When you nodded, he put the plate down and retrieved the folding chair. He set it up far enough to side that he wasn’t in the way of any customers, but could still see you.

You both ate in comfortable silence. The night was slow, and you were able to finish your meal without any interruptions. You felt at ease with him there. Almost, as if he belonged there.

James got up when he was finished. “Hey, do you have garbage back there?”

“Yeah,” you took the plate from him and disposed of it.

“So, how much do I owe you…” James realized that he didn’t know your name.

You smiled at him and stretched out your hand. “I’m Y/N, Buchanan.”

His jaw dropped when you called him by his middle name. When was the last time anyone ever called him that? He was so stunned by it, he didn’t notice how long he was shaking your hand.

You giggled and bit your lip. He was adorable when he was shocked. “Is it alright if I call you that?”

James was pulled back to reality and finally let go of your hand. He felt the heat on his face and looked down with a bashful smile. “Yeah, doll. You can call me that.”

You gave him a toothy smile. “Great. And, that will be 6.75.”

James looked at you bewildered. “That’s it? A meal like this runs me 13 bucks at the local diner and it ain’t half as good.”

You were in stitches when he said that. “That is another reason for my popularity with my usual customers. I offer better prices and better food.”

James shook his head with a crooked smile. He reached into his pocket and handed you a 10. “Keep the change, Y/N.”

“Thank you, Buchanan, but you don’t have to do that,” you told him sincerely. “I don't do this for the money. It’s a way to give back to the men and women who dedicate their lives to save others.”

So, you’re beautiful, an amazing cook and you have a heart of gold. James could see himself falling for you hard. “You’re really something, Y/N. You know that?”

You cursed yourself for blushing as hard as you did. You couldn’t look him the eye when he said that. God, how you wanted to kiss him at this very moment. He chuckled at how red you had become.

“Where are you from?” He asked trying to ease your embarrassment a bit.  

You looked up at him after regaining some courage. “I’m from the Bronx, but I’ve been living here in Brooklyn for a few years now.”

James nodded his head and smiled. He heard voices coming down the block. There were a handful of people in scrubs walking towards the kiosk. Looking back at you he smiled. “Looks like you have some customers.”

“Looks that way, indeed,” You smiled handing him his change. You were ready for him to insist you keep the change, but was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t. “You like pie?”

“Um, yeah,” James said raising an eyebrow.

You ducked down and grabbed a slice of pie in a plastic container from the glass display under the counter. You plopped it down on the counter, then turned and began making a cup of coffee. You put them into a brown paper bag and handed them to him.

“But, I-” you didn’t let him finish.

“Its a thank you for keeping me company. It gets a little lonely out here sometimes.” You looked at him with hopeful eyes and he took the bag from you.

“Thank you, Y/N. You were great company to be with,” James said. “The food wasn’t bad, either.” He winked at you and preened when you blushed again.

The Scrubs were almost upon you both. “Hopefully, good enough to visit again?”

Now, it was his turn to blush. “I will definitely be back again soon, Y/N. Have a good night.”

“You too, Buchanan. I’ll see you soon.”

[theveryconfusedartistsart-blog]

Flowisk (and Friskiel!) OTP headcannons!!

Awhile back, maybe a year or two ago, I got bored and looked up those ‘which character does what in your OTP’ and I made a list of headcannons for Frisk/Flowey(Asriel)! 

At first I did it for fun, but later intended to use it to help me with writing my fic, but now it’s just sitting there, so I thought I’d share some of it! Keep in mind- that in most of these I also headcannoned the both them to be in their older teens/young adults (15/16 - 20somethings) because that’s where their ages are mainly set during the fic.

Don’t worry, everything is age appropriate!

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl? They’re both night owls, but Frisk is a lot easier to wake up.

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?  Frisk is logically the big spoon, I imagine if Asriel was in his real form they would switch around a lot.

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle? They both love to cuddle, but Flowey would never openly admit that he does, unless he’s in his real form, then he’s a cuddle machine. Frisk hogs the blanket, they don’t mean to though.

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses? Frisk!

5. Who usually has nightmares? Both, but Flowey’s are more annoyingly consistent.

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day?   Both would be night thinkers.

7. Who sweats the small stuff? Asriel/Flowey through and through

8. Who sleeps in their underwear/ Who sleeps in their pajamas? Since Asriel is fluffy, (older him) would wear lose clothes, sleeveless shirt or just pajama pants. Frisk (also older) would wear lose clothes too, but I wouldn’t put it pass them to want to wear cute pajamas and footsies.

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?  Frisk is a tea drinker, Flowey likes coffee even if it’s not good for him.

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour? Flowey loves sweets, mostly likely will only try sour things to prove his toughness, Frisk likes sweets a little better than sour as long as their subtle and not too fatty.

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies? Flowey is a picky connoisseur horror lover (you will only get him to watch romance in a movie if it’s part of a thriller or a horror movie) and Frisk loves romance but prefers comedy romances (will only watch horror if it’s a comedy horror film, or something like Warm Bodies) they settle on thrillers or anything else.

  12. Who is smol/ Who is tol? Frisk is only smol in the relationship if Asriel is in his real form or anything other than the flower form, hah.

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat? If you asked, they would say neither, but Asriel/Flowey definitely has his moments that he’ll never admit to.

14. Who kills the spiders? NO ONE. NO ONE KILLS THE SPIDERS. FRISK FORBIDS. GET A DAMN CUP.

15. Who is scared of the dark? Frisk is, but they grow out of it over time, Flowey welcomes the darkness (and Asriel enjoys a nice nightlight because he doesn’t like to run into things)

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms? If they’re at night and extra loud, Flowey. 

17. Who works/ Who stays at home? Depends, Flowey seems more likely to stay at home, but with the right push and self -esteem they’d both be workers.

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person? Frisk loves both, Flowey is wary of both animals (he’s afraid of dogs peeing on him/digging him up/eating him and cats have claws and are weird) but cats also remind him of Frisk in a way and both are very soft (Asriel probably is little more of a dog person)

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names? Frisk most of the time, but I’m sure Flowey/Asriel can come up with something.

(Yes, I know, I skipped over 20, shhhh, don’t worry about it)

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)? Flowey!!! (Frisk gets determined, but they don’t get obsessed) Little Asriel probably had a small obsession with stars and astronomy.

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?  FRISK!!!

23. Who asks who out on the first date? Surprisingly Flowey, but he’ll never mention it being a date, Frisk will go all out for the next dates after.

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener?  Flowey talks, Frisk listens. It’s always how their relationship has been since the start.

25. Who wears the other ones clothes? Frisk duh, but Asriel probably would wear their hats or house robes, Flowey will wear Frisk’s scarfs and hats when it’s cold. Everyone shares clothes here, it’s nice.

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food? Frisk eats healthy fo sure, things like kombucha and Greek salad! Flowey loves all food, but yeah junk food is great too.

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower? Frisk takes long showers AND sings, Asriel’s showers are short but he sings for sure, Flowey probably likes to soak for a long time but is a very shy singer.

28. Who is the book worm? FLOWEY HAS READ EVERY BOOK AND BURNED EVERY BOOK.  Frisk is a little too busy to think to sit down and read for fun, but they do like to read.

29. Who is the better cook? Surprisingly Flowey/Asriel, but this is a hidden talent to find.

30. Who likes long walks on the beach? Frisk. (Asriel enjoys the view but not the sand that gets stuck in his fur, and Flowey doesn’t like how gritty the sand is, it sort of hurts to travel in, he hijacks rides on shoulders)

31. Who is more affectionate? Frisk (Asriel is a very close second, depending where they are in the relationship, Flowey gets very, very affectionate but only behind closed doors)

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversations? Frisk, but won’t prod them out of Flowey. (But Asriel enjoys them too)

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt? Frisk wears the not guilty shirt, Flowey has the word ‘Sin’ drawn on his flower pot, this doesn’t change if he’s in real form surprisingly.

 34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt? Flowey/Asriel would wear the ‘if lost return to’ shirt.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays? Frisk, duh. (Asriel is a jolly close second)

36. Who is the social media addict? Neither, except maybe Asriel because he feels he needs to be up to date because he’s the prince and all.

37. Height difference or age difference? Flowey/Asriel is a little older and always going to be considerably taller, it’s great.

38. Who likes to star gaze? Flowey/Asriel!

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside? Maybe Flowey depending on what kind of prize it is, Frisk gets excited for him.

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent? Surprisingly, Asriel/Flowey is the fun parent, he has zero interest in his child seeing him as a bad guy, that’s his fear. Frisk is super responsible but knows how to be fun when it’s the right time.

41. Who cries during sad movies?  Asriel and Frisk close second (Flowey will rarely cry, it depends on the movie)

42. Who is the neat freak? Probably Frisk, but I wouldn’t put it past Flowey for developing OCD.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one? Flowey, he loves to show off, but Frisk is a little more precise and wins more.  

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy? Asriel would be active, and Flowey becomes lazy if he’s in his flower pot for too long, and Frisk is average.

45. Who is more likely to get drunk? Frisk, since alcohol is technically poison for Flowey and Asriel is a good boy.

46. Who has the longer food order?  Flowey because he loves food and Asriel because he’s a big boy.

47. Who has the more complex coffee order? Flowey.

48. Who loses stuff? Asriel . . . oh no.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger? Frisk drives!

50. Who is the hopeless romantic? Frisk, and secretly Flowey. Asriel isn’t hopeless, he’s a charmer, baby.

  Okay, this post has gone long enough, maybe I’ll make a part two (yes, there’s more, these were a lot of fun to do!)

Here’s Part two!

[kristsune]

All 99 asks for NJ + does he get a happy ending to his story?

1. What do they smell like? He smells a bit like grease and that slight hot electric smell when dealing with a lot of electronics. There is also always an underlying scent of vanilla.

2. What is their voice like? He’s rather soft spoken and gentle, but there is a confidence there and steel behind his words when he needs there to be.

3. What is their biggest motivator? To protect his brothers, and end the war as soon as possible.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory? There was one time when Rex caught him in the middle of a dare from Hardcase.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain? He takes it and deals with it. His dizzy spells can turn into headaches and even migraines, but he refuses to tell the medics about them so he deals with them as best he can. But it means he has a pretty high tolerance.

6. What do they like to wear? He loves his flight suit, it’s comfy and it feels right. (in many modern aus he is an unintentional hipster.)

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively? Caliber is his best friend, she supports him so much. Kix and Jesse are practically dads to him, and protect him the best they can. Anomaly is extremely special to him, lifts him up like no other.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten? NJ loves to try unusual foods when he can when planetside. And where he definitely respects other people’s cultures he is definitely not eating a Yalvik queen stinger again, no matter how much they are considered a delicacy.

9. Describe the way that they sleep. He tends to sleep curled up on his side, not taking up a lot of space. He sleeps in his cockpit as often as not, so scrunched up is normal.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food? He loves anything with flavor. Honestly just about anything is better than the flavorless, badly textured osik they had on Kamino.

11. What do they feel most insecure about? They aren’t terribly insecure about a lot, but they are shy, and many would take that as being insecure. That being said, he doesn’t love showing off his body in a public situation, being smaller and having unusual mutations for a clone, he tends to not want to make a show of himself.

12. How do they like to dress? Isn’t this super similar to 6? But he loves to wear soft comfortable clothes when he can.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt? He carries it like a weight on his shoulders.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal? Someone close to him betraying him would cut him to the bone. When he trusts, its with his entire being. It would gut him to be betrayed)

15. What is their greatest achievement? One of the bigger ones was managing to tune his fighter enough to get it going faster than Anakin’s.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep? It happens more often than not. He tends to just get more quiet and isolated, but when talking to him, you really wouldn’t be able to tell.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk? He doesn’t get much more than a pleasant buzz when he drinks, but when he gets there, it tends to be very giggly and happy.

18. What kind of music do they enjoy? He loves a variety of music, but anything uplifting with a happy edge, basically great flying music, is what he goes for.

19. Are they right or left handed? Ambidextrous.

20. Fears? Not being able to fly, losing those closest to him. The war never coming to an end.

21. Favorite kind of weather? Clear bright skies, perfect for flying

22. Favorite color? Blue, it waffles between 501st, sky blue, and the blue grey of Anomaly’s  eye.

23. Do they collect anything? Nothing in particular, but he does love picking up a stray feather here or there.

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more? Cold is always better for flying, though cool is better than straight up cold.

25. What is their eye color? Light golden amber

26. What is their race/ethnicity? Maori

27. Hair color? Dirty blonde

28. Are they happy where they are currently? They are able to fly, and protect his brothers and the people of the Republic. Would he prefer there to not be a war? Yes, but is this is as good as it gets)

29. Are they a morning person? Yes. He can sleep in if needed, but he can be up early too.

30. Sunrise or sunset? Answered here 

31. Are they more messy or more organized? He’s mostly organized, sometimes things will pile up and he has to take time to clean up, but it never really gets out of control

32. Pet peeves? Loud chewing, putting down others for no reason other than being mean

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance? Technically he doesn’t own it, but his fighter. He has modified it enough, he considers it his own.

34. Least favorite food? The flavorless protein meals on Kamino

35. Least favorite color? He loves all colors, but if he had to choose, it would probably be blood red, he’s just seen too much of it for his own liking.

36. Least favorite smell? Electrical fire

37. When was the last time they cried? Also found here

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried? Very likely with either Caliber or Jesse, they both are very good at comforting him when he is upset (the best hugs)

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured? Being a pilot, he actually hasn’t received too many injuries. Being shot down generally ended in explosions or being sucked into the vacuum of space, so minor injuries weren’t as common, though he has had his share of minor injuries as a cadet.

40. Do they have any scars? Nothing major to speak of.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues? Many of the same that anyone who has been through a traumatic war has to deal with

42. Do they have any bad habits? He likes to forget to eat or drink enough, especially when in the hangarbay working on his fighter.

43. Why might someone dislike them? Because he’s a mutie, there are definitely clones that are biased against them, also because he is a pilot, and there are those that don’t think the pilots are real soldiers.

44. Why might someone love them? Because they are sweet and caring and wonderful. They are loyal and fierce and will fight for those he cares about.

45. Do they believe in ghosts? Yes, they are absolutely sensitive to all of that.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives? Anomaly, Caliber, Kix, Jesse, much of the 501st tbh, at the very least all of Torrent.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone? Anomaly, and later Killer.

48. Are they dating/married to anyone? Anomaly, and later Killer

49. Do they like surprises? Happy surprises? Sure. Not happy surprises. No. not so much.

50. When is their birthday? N/A

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday? N/A

52. Do they have any family? He considers his closes vode his family

53. Are they close to their family? Extremely

54. What is their MBTI type? I am shit at this and i have no idea tbqh lol

55. What is their zodiac sign? N/A

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in? Hufflepuff most likely, maybe Ravenclaw.

57. What D&D alignment are they? Neutral good

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about? Crashing his fighter, losing his brothers/those closest to him. His brothers turning on all they believed in and killing those they loved best.

59. What are their views on death? It is just the next stage in whatever world they are in. though he would still like to stay alive as long as he can, to be with those he loves

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at? Caliber’s jokes, and Anomaly’s cheesy pickup lines he likes to tease him with.

61. When bored, how do they pass time? He loves working on anything mechanical. Tinkering is his favorite thing to do. Lacking that, he does love to read.

62. Do they enjoy being outside? Absolutely.

63. Do they have an accent? The same as most clones, New Zealand

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction? If he knows its for him, he will absolutely fall into that, if there is someone with him he would offer to share

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say? He would wish he could say goodbye to those he loves, and make sure his last act is saving as many brothers as he can

66. How do they feel about sex? He likes it, he likes to have fun with it, but really only has sex with those he has at least some sort of relationship/acquaintance with. He doesn’t really do casual sex.

67. What is their sexuality? Bi/Pan but heavily leaning towards masculine presenting

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood? No. He’s seen too much by this point

69. Is there anything that they find really gross? He hates wet hair in a clogged drain. Makes him gag. (honestly the biggest downside to his long hair)

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them? I am… honestly not sure how to answer this

71. Do they enjoy helping people? Absolutely, core to his being.

72. Are they allergic to anything? I have a feeling the Kaminoans probably tried to modify the clones to try and make sure that happens, but who knows. He hasn’t run into any problems so far

73. Do they have a pet? No. He wouldn’t feel good about keeping something he can’t be there for all the time.

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper? No. It takes quite a bit to get him there. But when he does? He is ruthless to make sure you know what you did and pay for it. (aka the fic i wrote Force of Gold)

75. How patient are they? Most of the time, he is pretty patient, but if something is giving him anxiety it shortens quickly

76. Are they good at cooking? He’s not bad, but he’s also not great. He can do super basics, like boil a pot of pasta (makes either way too much or not nearly enough) He can (mostly) not burn things.

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often? He isn’t big on insults. They absolutely have a place in his vocabulary, but you have to earn them from him, usually by being a dick.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy? He smiles and laughs often. It’s absolutely infectious, and he just lights up from within

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears? If they were told to him in confidence, he would keep that secret to the grave.

80. Are they trustworthy? Very.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it? Yes and Mostly. Those that know him well can read him pretty well.

82. Do they exercise regularly? Yes, but nothing super intense.

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look? He can be self conscious about it, but he does love his mutations and the way he looks. He started to grow out his hair very early on because he loved it so much and it felt right.

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people? Long hair, lean muscle, beautiful eyes (especially mismatched ones)

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive? (Kind and caring, even if its hidden underneath.)

86. Do they like sweet foods? Yes, Not overly sweet, but he definitely likes them

87. What is their age? Excellent question that I do not have the answer for, he’s definitely a younger clone, deployed later in the war

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between? He’s a bit shorter and leaner like most pilots

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts? No

90. Do they consider themselves attractive? Yes, maybe not as much as others see him, but he can definitely see it.

91. What is their sense of humor like? All over the place, depending on his mood, but he loves jokes and silliness between friends.

92. What mood are they most often in? Focused, on his work or flying.

93. What kinds of things anger them? Bullies, people being nasty for no reason

94. Outlook on life? Generally pretty positive, though he does have his low moments.

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed? Losing brothers, the ongoing war

96. What is their greatest weakness? He trusts pretty easily, and can be led to believe things that he probably shouldn’t

97. What is the greatest strength? His abilities with mechanics and his fighter, an excellent pilot

98. Something that they regret? Not being able to save more of his brothers

99. Biggest accomplishment? Isn’t this basically 15?

100. Create your own! Nonnie asked: does he get a happy ending to his story: I mean? Yes? In the cyuane verse him and Anomaly get away and eventually join the rebellion, but they are alone. Sooo it or miss? He’s alive, and not completely alone, and they eventually find some level of happiness, but is it happy specifically not entirely.

[soldierstark]

Late Night Magic | Part 1 | LOKI LAUFEYSON X READER

Description: Nightmares are a common occurrence for the reader as her power emanates darkness and danger. This leads to an odd connection between her and Loki who resonates with her through 2:30 am conversations.

Author's Note: This is my first Loki fic and it's highkey trash. I saw Thor: Ragnarok this weekend and haven't been able to get this dam god of mischief out of my head since. So yea that's how this was born because I couldn't focus on my homework until this was done lmao. Anyways, as always I appreciate feedback so tell me what you think! Part 2 maybe? Until next time my dudes.

Word Count: 1531

FANFICTION MASTERLIST | Part 2

With my breath caught in my throat, I sat up straight in my bed with a start. Gasping for air and trying to even out my breathing, I ran a hand through my (Y/H/C) hair and closed my eyes, clearing my thoughts.

Rubbing my eyes wearily, I turned my head slightly to the right and sighed dejectedly at the flashing red numbers of my nightstand clock that read 2: 37 am. I proceeded to stand up out of my bed shakily and walk over to my bedroom door stealthily.

I walked on the balls of my feet as to not make any noise, wondering down the hall into the living area of the Avengers Tower. My feet unconsciously brought me to the wall of windows that overlooked the city. I found myself staring dazedly down at the still busy streets of New York as my heart rate slowed back to normal.

“And what are you doing up at this hour of night?” a deep voice pierced the silence from behind me.

I turned around quickly and raised my hands defensively, drawing in a quick breath. My gaze fell upon a dark figure who was sitting on the sofa behind me with what appeared to be a book. I relaxed slightly and let out a sigh of relief when I recognized the familiar face of a prince of Asgard.

“Oh Loki… it’s just you. You scared the living shit out of me you know,” I whispered huskily, clearing my throat slightly.

Loki closed his book and sat it down on the coffee table in front of him, leaning back into the couch nonchalantly. “I can tell,” he replied glancing at my hands. “Would you mind turning those things off?”

I looked down and saw black flames erupting from hands like fireworks. Letting out a slight chuckle, I shook my wrists, extinguishing the black flames. “Why might I dare say that you, a literal god, is scared of my dainty mortal hands,” I quipped raising an eyebrow.

Loki let out a snort. “Anyone with the slightest sense of self-preservation (Y/N) would be scared of those things,” he grumbled, eyeing my hands wearily. “You can literally annihilate anything you please with a slight touch of hand.”

I cleared my throat once more and looked down at my hands, wringing them together. It was silent for a moment before I replied. “Believe me I am aware.”

Not making eye contact with Loki, I began walking past him and into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. When I looked up from putting a kettle of water on the stove, I was surprised the see the dark haired man leaning against the countertop across from me with a watchful eye.

“You never answered my question,” he said simply.

“What question?” I inquired reaching up into a cabinet, grabbing a mug.

“Why you’re up so late?”

I turned around and placed my mug on the countertop by the stove, facing Loki once again. “I could ask you the same question,” I replied with lopsided smile.

“Sleep isn’t something that has… well… ever come easy to me. It’s not vital to my survival after all,” Loki answered, giving me a calculating look that made me shiver. His light blue eyes bore into mine, almost as if he could see straight through me. “Now you.”

“Nightmare… again,” I whispered dejectedly, looking down at my fingers that rhythmically tapped against the countertop. “One day I hope to sleep for at least 5 hours uninterrupted,” I joked halfheartedly trying to hide my exhaustion.

The kettle began to whistle quietly so I turned off the heat to the stove and poured to boiling water into my mug, letting the tea bag seep.

“You know that dreams are merely reflections of your subconscious. You need to conquer whatever it is that’s causing you have these nightmares in real life so you won’t be plagued by them at night,” Loki advised me, standing up to follow me back to the couch.

I let out a yawn as I sank into to the sofa, closing my eyes and leaning back into the cushions, turning my head to look at Loki who was sitting next to me. “What are you some kind of therapist?” I said lightly with sleepily smile.

I took a long drawn out sip of tea and turned my head forward again, staring out into the New York skyline. “Don’t take this this wrong way, but why the sudden urge to help me? You’re never this friendly during the day.”

Loki let out a dry laugh, a piece of his long wavy dark hair falling into his light eyes. “Don’t go around telling the others this, but you’ve always been favorite of the group. I feel that if anyone would appreciate my advice it would be you.”

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks and my heart thumping loudly in my chest at the somewhat compliment, though I’d blame it on the fatigue and caffeine from the tea I was drinking. “Oh really? And why is that?”

Loki turned his head to look at me, it was silent for a moment as we both merely stared at each other not speaking. “It’s really just a gut feeling,” he finally answered. “So tell me what you believe the underlying cause of your nightmares are.”

I snorted. “Loki I know what the underlying cause of my nightmares are. The problem is I can’t fix it.”

“Try me,” he said softly.

I chewed my bottom lip and looked away from Loki, feeling his heated gaze on me as I contemplated my answer. “The problem is, I don’t trust myself to keep control of my cataclysm. I can literally destroy anything with the slight of a hand and I don’t feel as though I’m the best person to harbor this power,” I admitted, looking down at my steaming cup of tea.

“I’m scared that one day I’ll just… I don’t know, loose it and just destroy the whole dam universe or something. And I know that’s not really plausible or whatever but it could happen. We’ve never been able to test the extent of my powers because it’s too dangerous,” I finished, mumbling the last part.

Loki reached a hand out towards me and grabbed my cup of tea from my hands. I observed him with a blank expression as he put it down on the coffee table in front of the couch we were on.

I raised an eyebrow as he took both my hands into his. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly, trying to ignore the comforting heat and electricity coming from his hands into mine.

“I’m showing you that I trust you (Y/N),” he replied with his slight accent coming through. “I trust you with the powers you’ve been given, enough so that I’m letting you touch me because I know you’re not going to turn me into a pile of dust.”

A smile broke out across my lips as I let out a slight laugh, heat rising up to my chees steadily.

“And we all know that I have problems trusting people so if I trust you, believe me you can trust yourself. I have the upmost faith that you won’t destroy the whole universe,” Loki admitted, the moon light streaming through the window illuminating his dashing features.

I pulled him closer to me and wrapped my arms around his torso, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “Thank you Prince Loki,” I whispered gratefully.

He tensed up for a second but returned my hug comfortingly, wrapping his arms tightly around me, pulling me closer. “It’s no problem Lady (Y/N),” he replied, stroking my hair comfortingly.

And before I knew it, I had fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

    Hours later with the sun streaming though the windows of the living area, the rest of the Avengers awoke form their slumber and made their way into the kitchen for breakfast. Tony raised a hand, signaling for the others to halt.

“What the fuck,” he said slowly with a hint of confusion in his voice.

Steve pushed around Tony and followed his gaze, letting out a slight laugh. “Wow,” he whispered in disbelief.

“Point Break… come get a hold of this,” Bruce laughed, pointing at the sofa.

Grumbling in annoyance, Thor pushed through the crowd of adults and went silent at the sight of his brother and (Y/N) asleep on the couch together.

For once Loki’s face wasn’t hardened with an expression of mischief or coldness. He looked completely relaxed with an arm wrapped around (Y/N)’s waist, pulling her closer to him. She was sound asleep with her arms hugged around his torso, her head resting on his chest.

(Y/N) stirred slightly but Loki simply tightened his grip around her. She smiled contently and let out a relaxed sigh, going back into a deep sleep.

Natasha made a move forward. “I’ll wake them.”

“No wait,” Thor said hastily, reaching an arm out to halt her movement. “Leave them be.”

Tony snorted and shook his head in confusion. “Why?”

“This is good for him. Well… she’s good for him.”

[homosociallyyours]

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 30 blogs you would like to get to know better

Tagged by: @holmezyan -- thanks, you freeman-loving wonder! sorry it took me so long to get to this!!

Nickname(s): Bean, Meggles, Dottie, Beene, Milton

Gender: Genderqueer femme

Zodiac: Taurus sun & moon, Gemini rising

Height: 5′5″ (roughly)

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Lately I’ve been drinking Yorkshire Gold or Irish Breakfast instead of coffee (trying to have a little less caffeine), but I know I’ll return to coffee again sometime. I started drinking it when I was maybe 6 or so. Nice one, parents. 

Fav band(s): The Indigo Girls, One Direction, Bikini Kill, Magnetic Fields, Le Tigre, The Butchies, Team Dresch (why are all but 2 of my bands not together and making music? what have i done to deserve this fate?)

Fav solo artist(s): Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Kaia Wilson, Joan Armatrading, Dar Williams, Dolly Parton, Mirah, Jens Lekman, Sia, Gillian Welch

Song stuck in my head: Bebe’s new song, Ferrari. 

Last movie I saw: I watched Despicable Me 3 the other night on netflix. It was...everything I expected. The last movie I saw in the theater was Love, Simon

Last show I saw:  Theater? I think it was Hamilton last year! TV? I’m currently watching the finale of Glam Masters. It’s...ok.

When did I create my blog: 2012? YIKES

What do I post: A mishmash of everything I find interesting. Currently: 1D, Johnlock, queer shit, femme shit, Martin Freeman, US politics, Janelle Monae, other women making music that makes me feel gayer, meme/meme culture posts, and definitely too many “ask me questions about myself” posts bc i spent too many years on livejournal. 

Last thing I googled: Last night I was sitting with bander and wanted her to hear a song from my friends’ band, so I think the last thing I googled was “gaymous ross dress for less” which only kinda got me the result I wanted. Which was this amazing song. (Please listen, you won’t regret it!!)

Do I have any other blogs: Several! On here I have a cheese tumblr @heycheeselady (it’s mostly dead, i haven’t reblogged to it in ages) and a benedict cumberbatch meme tumblr that i used to co-run @darlingdomesticbatch that is now long abandoned (rip, it was actually really cute and fun while it lasted). I have a dreamwidth that used to be my livejournal where i really let my depression, anxiety, and emotional self-harm cut loose to like 2 or 3 other ppl (it’s a yikes-ass nightmare). ALSO i still have a diaryland diary (!!!) that is my private corner of the internet where i post inelegant poetic prose about my actual private emotions in ways that would feel dangerous to do in front of anyone but strangers. if i ever give you the info, you aren’t allowed to talk to me about it. i probably won’t give you the info. but i’ve had it since...2000? 2001? I definitely wrote about losing my virginity over there. embarrassing!! 

Do I get asks: Sometimes when I ask for them nicely. I rarely get anons, but after my 1 day brush with fame (which i think of as 1950gate) I realized that’s a good thing bc it’s fucking exhausting to have multiple ppl asking you the same question that you already answered/never wanted to answer anyway. also ppl can be mean! 

Why did I choose my url: I knew I was going to be blogging about sherlock and queer stuff, and I thought about what really connected those things. For me, it’s the homosocial-- social spaces and interactions that are focused on same gender relationships --that fuels the homosexual/makes me gayer. The description for my blog is “i am a homosocialsexual” because that’s really what i am. The yours part...I just liked the idea of signing off on everything. I remain homosocially yours,   

Following: 720 (and that’s after i unfollowed all the dead blogs. what can i say, I like having a voluminous and varied dash)

Followed by: 920 (this number is...shockingly high, ngl)

Favorite color(s): Bright dark pink and emerald green. Deep royal purple. Cornflower blue. The color of sun through leaves in the woods. 

Average hours of sleep: 6-12, there’s rarely an inbetween. 

Lucky number: 13

Instruments: I play ukulele and I’m a good enough singer to consider my voice an instrument in its own way.

What I’m wearing: Buffalo check thermal pj leggings and my fave grey pizza t-shirt

Dream job: Basically my current job? Though I should amend that because my reality needs to shift...I’m probably never going to be able to do my job full time again. So. Dream Job would be teaching cheese tasting classes to groups of 10-20 people at a time, giving info about the cheeses and how to taste them, how to prep them for a cheese plate, what to pair them with (and how). Ideally I would do all of this with a team of 2-4 other people, making decisions cooperatively and collectively. 

Dream trip: One month trip thru France visiting various cheesemakers and ending with a week in the south with my friend who has family down there. 

Fav food: Cheese. Ha :) 

Nationality: I’m Southern (from the US). My regional identity feels very important to me.

Fav song: Ummm I definitely can’t pick. Nope. 

Last book I read: Y’all I haven’t read a paper book in a hot minute. I just haven’t been able to do it. I even have books to read. My brain says NO NO NO. But the last book length fic I read was Own the Scars, and damn was it good!

Last fanfic I read: We’ll Be Seamless, which was a really great slowburn that ended so sweetly (with lots of hot moments along the way)

Random fact: I met my best friend in preschool when we were 3 years old. I’m even in her baby book. We had a few years of not being quite as close, but now at 37 we’re somehow still BFFs. We’re also both queer and big geeks, which is a nice thing. 

I’m tagging some random folks! Probably not 30 though, so if you see this and wanna do it, PLEASE DO IT & tag me in! (and really, I mean it, I don’t care if we’re mutuals or not!)

@yellinradios @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aprillikesthings @ann-fortunately

@miafi @always-aqua @valeria2067 @a-brighter-yellow @jaerie @yorkiepug

@yearofsolouis @suddenclarityharry @cumberbitchsandwich

[everlastingfable]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. I was tagged by @kingofthewilderwest

LAST:

1. Drink: water... this post reminded me that I did not drink anything for the past 10 hours

2. Phone call: with my mom like 3 days ago

3. Text message: from my dad. idk how to cook....

4. Song you listen to: I guess when I was playing Heart of Courage on the piano. For an actual song, the last song on my spotify is Centuries from fob but I fell asleep like 3 songs before that so idk

5. Time you cried: can’t remember

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: yes although I wasn’t aware the first one was a date until after 

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve never kissed anyone so no

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: I don’t think so..... 

10. Been depressed: yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I’m not old enough to drink either.... no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 

12. red

13. gold

14. black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes

16. Fallen out of love: no

17. Laughed until you cried: yes. thank you lance and kaltenecker that was a delight

18. Found out someone was talking about you: no

20. Found out who your friends are: uh no?

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no 

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I did the math 94%

23. Do you have any pets: no :( I miss my bunny

24. Do you want to change your name: sometimes, but idk what to change it to

25. What did you do for your last birthday: uhh pack to move out of my dorm the next day, reorganize my comics, had an unpleasant/pleasant surprise of cookies from my family

26. What time do you wake up: I’ve been waking up at 6 the last few days but usually around 8

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping

28. Name something you can’t wait for: httyd3, vld season 5, thanksgiving break, winter break, when I finally have some time to read this book I bought

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 8 days ago?

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I guess like the motivation to be in school? Like idk I’m so tired I just wanna graduate and get this over with I’m just not interested in college. tbh I didn’t really want to go I just did because it’s expected of me and if I want the chance to have a non-retail job I kinda have to get a degree

31. What are you listening to right now: the keyboard clacking sound

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I don’t think so

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: the voltron fandom always gets on my nerves. Personally, probably just my current need to like figure out who I am? Like this is so annoying what’s my sexual orientation? That’s something I’m constantly thinking about and it just bothers me because I keep switching around between completely and totally ace to possibly hetero, maybe bi??? girls seem cool idk I can’t ignore it and there’s also the fact that I read this one fic of child!keith being autistic and that’s thrown me into a loop because I relate to those events so much but I’m not... or I don’t think I am. Even then obviously it’s not something that causes an issues for me but I just want answers

34. Most visited website: tumblr, facebook, youtube, a03

35. Mole/s: uh there’s one on my thigh. google isn’t answering my question if moles can just be a dot like you don’t feel it it’s just a dif color on my skin

36. Mark/s: there’s a very faded scar on my left leg from when I slipped on algae and fell into a river, and another faded scar on my right foot when I stepped on glass

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a writer at one point, also a chef, and a graphic designer

38. Hair color: dark brown

39. Long or short hair: long. I kinda want to try short hair but that’s something I’ve never done before and I’m scared I’d hate it. I don’t want to wait for it to grow out if I do

40. Do you have a crush on someone: irl, maybe?? fictional characters tend to be more of squishes: keith, matt, hunk, shiro when he’s not unknowingly sabotaging the team

41. What do you like about yourself: haha

42. Piercings: no

43. Blood type: O+

44. Nicknames: I think frosty is the only one that’s ever stuck. There’s been a few that people have tried to give me but they didn’t work

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: taurus and I hate how everything about it is food

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: voltron 

50. Right or left hand: right

51. Surgery: do wisdom teeth count?

52. Hair dyed in different color: I want to but I’m afraid I’ll hate it

53. Sport: no

55. Vacation: so many places tbh. I want to go to the northwest of the US (Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, I only know popular cities...) I also really want to visit Europe SO BADLY especially the Norwegian area, also South America I want to see the Amazon rain forest and the Galapagos Islands

56. Pair of trainers: yes. idk how to answer this

MORE GENERAL: 

57. Eating: what is this asking? am I eating right now? no. what do I want to eat? I have a uncrustables pbj sandwich sitting in front of me I’m waiting for it to defrost. I also have taiwanese sausages I’m waiting to defrost and cook. what’s my favorite food? like any variations of sushi, particularly poke bowls

58. Drinking: yoooo the only good part about the holidays is egg nog. I’m probably gonna finish the half-gallon I bought two days ago today

59. I’m about to: keep answering these. I should also study for a test tomorrow

62. Want: money? to not be tired? to have some free time where I’m not stressed about what I’ll have to do later? 

63. Get married: no but I do want to organize a wedding. seems fun

64. Career: idk man. right now I’m just going with my dream from high school which was to work at dreamworks but idk how

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs, but I feel like a lot of hugs I’ve gotten just don’t feel nice

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: majority if not all of my friends are shorter than me and I’ve gotten used to that to the point where I cannot deal with people taller than me

68. Older or younger: same thing. I’m usually the youngest so just being older than people is ???? also I think being the youngest prevents me from comparing myself to others? because they’re older so of course they would be “ahead” of me in life. so less stress

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: I’m weak for arms

71. Sensitive or loud: ??

72. Hook up or relationship: no

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: is this in terms of relationships I’m so confused. I guess just platonically, both? I’d like to be friends with someone who’s willing to do crazy things because that’s usually exciting, but at the same time someone who knows when to restrain themselves

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes

77. Turned someone down: I think

78. Sex on the first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: maybe?? it’s more likely I just upset them

80. Had your heart broken: no

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: no

83. Fallen for a friend: idk

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: no

85. Miracles: mmmm

86. Love at first sight: not really. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me

87. Santa Claus: sure

88. Kiss on the first date: for me personally, no

OTHER: 

90. Current best friend name: I can’t just have one best friend.... peach & percy

91. Eye color: they’ve been described as black holes before

92. Favorite movie: httyd obvs

I tag: @peachdoxie, @lastronaut, @zhe-lazy-fox, @tanyasm10, @stratoc, @palions, @emkayohh, @frxstguardian, @howdomaddie, anyone else who sees this and wants to do it.