#It’s the heavy lifting and the squatting. Those are the two things I struggle with still. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sw33tsnow · 1 year ago

Text

Attitude

Captain John Price x F!Reader

Summary: Military leave in England would be littered with thick confidential stamps folders and dozens of Base's phonecalls, John suppose, but you proved him wrong (18+)

Content: annual military leave, curvy&athletic!female!reader, deep voice!f!reader, (little) angst, childhood trauma, smut, smoking, fluff, age gap, boobs sucking, unprotected sex, cunnilingus, fingering, hickeys, spanking, cowgirl, handjob, cum eating

Word Count: 5k3

#: I'll apologize in advance cus English is not my first language (some grammar mistakes might appear); f!reader is NOT A BRAT; NOT FOR MINORS

December 1st, snow has already falling and the cold breeze was blowing in waves. Such a lovely time to visit and admire the "mysterious beauty" of Britain, said the radio, but not so ideal for someone who just got deployed to Russia.

John's building located in the suburbs, he enjoyed the spacious and airy atmosphere it carried. Perhaps that explains why it's quite lonely and separated here, not so many civilians chose to pass by this area. Parked the truck in the basement, the cold air made John snort in discomfort, had to pulled down that dark blue beanie to cover his red ears when he got out of the car. Swiftly stepped to the back seat where several stacks of papers and classified documents were stuffed in, he gave them an irritated look. Of course, John has the permission to go home empty-handed to savor these two "break months'' peacefully, but in the end, he has nothing to do. Kyle and Johnny were both home for holiday with their families, and Simon disappeared from sight 'cause Laswell needed a helping hand. No magic could make these files disappear if John left them at the base so taking them home is not a bad idea after all.

Struggling to carry the pile of papers out of the car, they're not heavy but quite bulky for one person to carry. If it ain't for the fact that the internet in this area is such crap, John would have gone to bed after a glass of Whiskey instead of standing here and thinking about how to get these shitty documents to his apartment.

"You need help with that?" A deep but hoarse female voice, probably due to the cold, caught John's attention. You stood there in an oversized hoodie and a pair of shaggy black leather pants, you wore white sneakers, not the pair that some brats normally bragged about and a gym bag was hanging on your shoulder. Your thick hair cut into a long pixie style but still looked silky.

"Not questioning your strength, 's just looks quite nasty over there"

"I mean...if ya don't mind" he replied in a grateful tone before you gave him a sweet smile and walked over to his truck. John almost mistaken you for a male because of your broad shoulders if he hadn't noticed your long lashes and those plump, pink lips.

You squatted down and gently lifted a cardboard box with folders of documents and papers piled on top, then walked to the door leading to the building's elevators.

Pushed and held the door with your back, "After you" you peeled back to John.

All your movements were resourceful and agile, watching you carried his things without difficulty made John quite impressed. It's not that you're strong because there are female soldiers in the military, but it's your gestures were so… gallant, they're not forced like girls tried to impress the men but completely natural like that's your character.

John hummed as a thanks and stepped inside. You both reached the top floor and you followed John to the end of the hallway, bet that's his apartment.

You put the stack of papers down and looked up at John, "Thank you, luv" he said with a hidden smile behind his mustache and the pet name he gave you undoubtedly made your thighs squished together.

You saw the wrinkles formed in his eye sockets as he squinted from smiling. You love his smile. In the basement, you didn't pay any mind and just simply asked if John wanted some help, just like when you carried groceries bags for mothers or helped the old neighbors on the same floor walk to their house, it was like a habit. But when John turned to look at you, couldn't lie, he looked handsome. Toned muscles back hidden under a leather jacket, handsome face with neatly trimmed beard and those navy blue pupils were what attracted you the most. He's certainly older than you, which makes him even more attractive.

"That's very kind of ya t' help" he added, oh, his deep voice and the accent were like music flowing into your ears. When John slightly cocked his head down, you noticed your height only reached his shoulders, despite you're an athlete.

"No big deal, sir, have a nice day" you gave him a small smile and turned around to go back to the elevator. Your eyes accidentally glanced at the random envelope with a single line 'To: Cpt. John Price'. John Price, what a fitting name, you think, but we probably won't meet again

"Wait, you haven't told me ya name?" Turned back, you kept silent before responded to those beautiful blue eyes with a wide toothy smile, making John dumbfounded.

As if the whole hallway lit up with your smile, " 's really nice to know you, Captain."

Fucking hell, the wind came from the open window didn't help John cooled down at all when your deep voice called his sign with that teasing tone. He stuttered, watching your disappearing figure as the elevator door closed without saying anything else. His cheeks turned red by the thought that it wasn't even a flirt but somehow he just so addicted to your voice, to that angelic smile. John didn't see many female colleagues on his HQ and not to mention plenty of deployments, his paperwork already kept him from visiting the pub - his one and only favourite thing but you might've just change his mind.

When the elevator stopped at the lobby floor, few residents got into the elevator with you and John. He noticed that you ain't a talkative one, always politely greeted everyone with a bow and a slight smile. You were also careful, too careful not to invade others' personal space. Polite and a little shy?, John guessed

Shaking his head and laughing at himself, John inserted the key into the lock and opened the door, using his foot to push one box in front of the door to keep it from closing and then carried the other inside. The annoying 'beep beep' sound from his watch made him wince, 2200, these can wait 'til tomorrow, he told himself, kicked off his boots and walked straight into the bedroom.

John regretted because the Whiskey he drank didn't do a damn thing but keep him up all night. Gave up and got out of bed, he tried to find something to do and as if completing the paperwork was a smart option.

0600, winter made it impossible to tell if the pitch black sky outside was early morning or midnight. Unable to concentrate, he decided to snack on something before went for a run because he knew how bad the consequences of skipping meals would be.

The road was slippery because of heavy snowfall yesterday. Luckily, John's eyes had adjusted to the darkness, couldn't relied on the useless dim light of the lampposts. It's now quite far from the building and almost into the city center, he ran through a park before stopping by the sound of a group chatting coming out of the opposite tower. It's you, still with a bright smile on your lips and that polite gesture, holding the door for those accompanying you. Both the male and the female, all looked about your same age and all had hair slightly wet. Perhaps only been wiped lightly, followed by two elders. Everyone laughed and talked cheerishly before waving their hands and splitting in different directions, you did the same, going towards the city center.

Honestly, John felt like a stalker following you like this. Years of military service had honed his tracking skills, as ridiculous as it sounded.

You stopped by a minimarket to pick up ingredients for your diet, meals are as important as the muscle exercises, and your cooking skills are very good too. Thanks to your grandmother for teaching you how to cook in such young age. Checking the list on your phone again, you pushed the cart to the checkout counter, saying goodbye to the friendly cashier and began to struggle with the messy bags.

"Need help with tha, luv?" John didn't hesitate to run to you and reached his hands out, repeated exactly what you asked him a few past hours ago.

You looked surprised but immediately answered him with a low giggle, John also grinned at you. For fuck sake, you wanted to punch yourself so bad. Why? Look at you, wearing a turtleneck and dusty jeans, no lipstick on and hair looked like a damped bird's nest. You're a grown woman, makeup and tight dresses are necessary but you don't take them too seriously. Private gym, swimming pool and your apartment are your daily destinations. Only traveled when your club accepted friendly matches with other clubs and your apartment will be replaced by the hotel you booked.

Waking up at the time when the whole city was still sleeping, the cashier and your team ain't no strangers to you, dressing up only took you away from your precious sleep. Minimalism - that's what you are, except for special occasions or nights out with your girls.

BUT right now, you extremely regret your choice.

Raised your free hand up to brush a hair strand out of sight, you walked up to John and motioned for him to walk with you.

On the way back to the building, the two of you talked more. John learned that you're a swimmer and the people from the tower were your coaches and teammates. Also explained why your body wouldn't be as slim as other girls, but it suited you.

You speak very little, each sentence was brief and straight to the point but you managed to keep the conversation didn't become awkward. And maybe that's made you a very good listener, always looking in his eyes and nodding to show him that you did pay attention and wanted him to continue. You reminded him of Simon but more mellow in your own way.

"You've got something needed answers?" You saw the timidness in John's glance, "Wouldn't ask if I felt uncomfortable, John" gesturing to him, urging him to speak.

"'s nothing, truly..… jus' notice you're truly courteous to others, can guarantee muppets your age don't behave like tha, 'specially towards women" John tried to clarify, not want you to misunderstand.

You stared at him for a moment, quite impressed with his observance. As a Task Force captain in the military, the way his body built and his look when talking to you were enough to understand.

"Wow Cap, you're really interesting" you teased him with a toothy smile.

"Childhood" you stopped, "And my mother has a very practical way to educate us, sometime it wouldn't bother me if anyone said I'm decrepit before my age" a small chuckle left your lips.

John's glance never left the side of your face, you two had more in common than he thought. Neither he nor you overshared your personal details but John could still guess a few things from your words. Us, you have siblings, childhood and mother, you don't mention 'father'.

“I can take it from here”

You broke the silence as you two reached the building. Carefully take the bags from John's hand, your cold fingers grazed the back of his warm one. You shivered and goosebumps rose as you felt an electric current run down your spine. Bite your inner cheek, it's shameless to admit by the thought of your body turning needy for his warmth. You wanted to hold those large hands and place them on your neck, your abdomen, your breasts and thighs. You want to feel his warm body heat against yours, for the first time you didn't hate your innate cold body temperature.

Quickly turned away without showing any suspicious expression, you only looked up when John blocked the entrance. He wouldn't let you slipped away easily like last time, most stupid mistake he've ever made.

"Mind if I want a repay?" John put his hands in his pockets and lowered his face at the same leveled of yours.

"My messy apartment ain't inviting for breakfast now, sir" your husky voice finished the sentence as softly as a whisper. You didn't step back, simply answered him with an honest voice, you're not afraid of eye contact either.

"Tell me your name, luvie"

That's not a demand. Silence, you blinked in confusion. This man, you thought, turned away and let out a laugh. You whipped back to face him with a defeated expression, shaking your head while telling him your name.

John repeated your name with an amused tone and it sounded so alluring by the way he said it. You both were engulfed in each other's eyes, neither wanted to break away from this moment. But before you could not pull yourself together and melt in front of him, you said your goodbye and slipped aside to enter the building. He did not stop you this time, just eyeing at the way your fluffy ass checks and thighs gently jiggled by each steps with a lustful gaze.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

John's two months on leave 've been much more lively thanks to you. Went out for a run every morning so he could pick you up from the gym, visiting your place when you invited him for a meal and of course, John also brought his booze as a thank you gift. The two of you opened up more to each other. Only then did John know that you were an extremely modest person and didn't like showing your emotions in front of people, it makes you felt like you're vulnerable. Gave him butterflies knowing he holds a special place to you because you felt safe sharing with him.

Likewise, your lonely days have ended ever since John appeared in your life, eating meals twice a week at your apartment has become casual to both of you. You started choosing cute dresses instead of sweats as usual, and always wear light lipstick to look more beautiful every time you’re with him. You also dug deeper about your family to John, that you did not experience fatherhood from a very young age and your mother is a strong woman. Making you, a much more independent and understanding big sister and daughter for your family. Sometime you joked with a higher pitch alcohol voice that every time you go to a pub, ladies are more attracted to you because the men around are such punks compared to you.

One more thing John discovered as you and him got closer was that he was at least 10 years older than you. Not that John couldn't tell your age, just sometimes the two of you were so immersed, which made him forget how young you were.

This night, the two of you were on the rooftop smoking together. John has a cigar and you smoke 'a bland cigarette', you could only laugh out loud every time he mocked with a grunt when you pulled the pack out of your pants' pocket. You both quietly enjoyed as the time slowly passed with each other.

"I've never tried cigars, dunno what they taste like" you gave him a playful glance

"Wanna try?"

John cocked his head at the cigar and held it towards you, you grabbed his wrist and brought it to your mouth to take a drag. You peaked at John, your eyes shot out a mischievous glint and you deliberately sunk your cheeks as you puffed on the burning cigar. The small flame glowed, making both of you feel an indescribable itch under your skin.

"Tastes milder than I thought" you answered John as you slowly exhaled smoke.

He looked at you silently, of course, John knew you're craving for John as much as he did but fuck, was this a wise decision? You're still young, still have a bright future waiting for you, you can't stick with an old man with a 'dirty' background and the dangerous work he's doing.

"John, I wanna ask you out for a date" you walked up to John's face and asked him directly, he'd felt the insecurity in your words. Your voice was a bit shaky and with that low tone, you sounded like a small animal that's scared or whining because it's wounded. Yes, John wanted to scream like that, he wanted to nip your skin and bite your juicy lower lip so bad but he just couldn't. He wouldn't

" 'm sorry sweet thing, this's not a smart choice"

Your lips thinned to a line, your eyes still glued to his beautiful blue orbs as if trying to find any glint might betray his words. None, nothing at all. You retreated from his private space and a small smile made it way to your sad face. Without a single tear, John knew your chest was tightening and you felt your nose sting but your pride wouldn't let you fall. You ain't an arrogant girl but you were confident in your position, and John understood. His eyes began to show contrasted signs, you understand that he turned you down not because he didn't feel the same to you. But still, you also didn't want to know the reason, you don't want to hear anything that might hurt you more now.

"The leave'll end tomorrow, right? Stay safe, Captain," you said your last sentences, sniffing and dropping the lit cigarette on the ground. You extinguished by stepping on it before swiftly passed him and disappeared through the rooftop door. You're always like this, running away when you're in your miserable stage. John didn't have the courage to follow you and made things right because he wasn't even sure what he wanted.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Nearly a month later that night, John returned to his apartment. Now that the season changes between spring and summer, the pouring rain could not be avoided. John parked his truck in the same place and went straight up to his apartment to get some sleep. When the helo landed on the tarmac, John sped up the briefing and dismissed the team as soon as possible so he could return to this suburban building. Yes, he could rest in his barrack on the Base, but he knew the reason that encouraged him to drive such a long road.

Waking up when the chatter on the TV disappeared, John reached up to the night stand to turn on his reading lamp, multiple clicking sounds hurted his ears but no light appeared. John grumbled as he got up and walked out to the living room. Through his apartment's balcony, John guessed that the area had lost power because of the heavy rain outside. Sitting down on the couches, the drowsiness has now disappeared, replaced in his mind by your images. Your smile, your voice, your eyes, everything about you is just so beautiful, and he missed you so so much.

After showering, John changed into a compression shirt and put on a new pair of cargo pants , 'cause he knew you'd rather see him in uniform. Putting on his boots, John took your favorite cake that he bought before driving back to his apartment and headed down to your place.

John stood in front of your door, he felt nauseous, he didn't know how you'd react when you saw him. Ringing the doorbell, it took a while to hear your "Coming" along with the sound of footsteps getting closer to the door. The door opened, and you stood there with sleepy eyes and an adorable bedhead, you were wearing a tank top and loose pants.

"Welcome back" your eyes closed as you spoke up with a wide smile and a sleepy voice, John didn't need to admit that you sounded seductive because the bulge in his crotch has proof enough.

"I bought your fav, sweetheart" John held up the cake box and you looked at it for a moment then stood aside to let him in.

When you looked in his direction, even though the smile was still on your lips, your eyes looked distant, which made John feel more than horrible. You chose him to be your safe place but then he didn't know better than to ruin everything, now you treat him like you're just socializing with an outsider.

The bigger flops which you bought only for him now replaced his boots as he followed you into the living room. Sat down on the couches as you motioned him to, you turned to the kitchen to make some tea. John swore he saw your boobs' side and your ribs, your shoulder blades, and your skin was showing because you're not wearing a bra.

Returning with the tea tray and the zipper-hoodie covering your body, you placed the tray on the table and sat down on the couches which were neither far nor near John. A long silence formed and you had no intention of breaking it, honestly, you didn't know what to react or say.

The night you were rejected, you didn't cry but every single thing inside you was broken into pieces. You only had two exes and that was the result of two failed swimming championships. The pressure and strict diet made your nerves tense so sexual release is normal, for you. When you met John, shits changed, you weren't trying to find someone to take home on the weekend night anymore, head over heels just by the sight of him.

Your family lives far away from you, so everytime something positive changes, your friends and teammates are normally the first to notice.

Everything was great until that night, you wanted to hide but now John sat here, in your apartment, so conflicted.

"Listen luv, 'm sorry for hurting you" John waited for you to say something but you just sat still and stared at the mug in your hands, "I…'m not sure…I thought that it'd be better if someone your own age, not an old bastard like me, to court you out."

You snapped your eyes to John, which shut him up immediately. Cold and aggressive, a foolish accusation, as if they were trying to say. Placed the mug on the table, you stood up and walked in front of John. He looked up at you as you piled down your head to do the same. The room instantly froze as you two stared at each other, the Captain of an excellent Task Force looked so weak and useless under your daggers gaze. How submissive.

"You mean I should date a bunch of punks with towering egos and only use women as tools to satisfy their dicks, yeah?" you asked John in a low, emotionless voice. Just like everytime, your eyes never left his.

John's mouth was dry and he could barely swallow, his hands gripped his knees so tight that all knuckles turned white. You spread your legs, grabbed his wrists and placed his hands on your ass. Still maintaining that scary look, you could see that his cock might tear his pants apart from the eagerness.

"Or you think I'm not enough to find an older, more mature man for myself?" you raised an eyebrow and slowly sat down on John's thick thighs.

"Fuckin' 'ell, luv" John exhaled shakily and looked down to his pants, in a blink of an eye, you grabbed his chin and brought his gaze back to you.

"Avoid my eyes? Aren't I pitiful enough, John?" You frowned and brought your face closer to John. You could hear every pulse on his body beating loudly at this close distance.

His muscles tensed at your glassy-eyes look, he moved his hands away from your lower body. John wanted to cup your cheeks, he wanted to hold you close, buried your face into his chest as he comforted you until you were satisfied.

Not that easy.

You let go of his chin and caught his wrists with both of your hands. You folded and held them behind John's head, causing him to sink deeper and deeper into the couches beneath him. John was surprised by your actions, he almost forgot that you weren't fragile at all. Your faces were now just inches apart and he could feel every breath of yours against his lips.

"I don't remember giving you permission to move yet" and your grip tightened, his beautiful blue orbs pierced to your gaze in defeat.

You smirked and licked his lips, "Give me your tongue" you commanded.

A soldier like John didn't need to hear orders twice and immediately smashed his lips to yours hungrily. Tongues entwined, teeth clashing and he greedily bit your lower lip as if a predator had finally caught its prey. You let John go and moved to the hem of his shirt and peeled it over his head, your lips nibbling the skin of his neck as your hands roaming all over his torso. Hairy chest, broad shoulder blades, and bulky arms, your nose filled with the smell of burnt cigars and faded men's cologne. Milky scars made you even more infatuated with John, it was hard to believe the man in front of you was single. And John didn't move one bit. His eyes shut tight and his head tilted back, John's arms stayed put on his side as he enjoyed the tingling sensation of your soft lips and hands gliding over his skin. Leaving a few dark hickeys on that neck and manly chest, your hands went down to the bulge in John's crotch and began to knead gently, his cock twitching in your grip as you freed it from those tight pants.

"Fuck…please" John's head jerked back as your cool hand slid in and grasped his burning cock. His pupils flicking back and forth between the area between the two of you and your darken eyes.

"Speak up John, I can't read minds" stuck out your tongue and drooled on his cock. His precum and your drool created a mess down there, making the sticky sound even more lewd. What a tease, John thought, but it doesn't matter, he'd do whatever you want just for your forgiveness, not wanting to see your pain expression ever again.

"Please…luvie…please stroke it, please, I…need ya" John flustered as he saw your nipples harden at his pleas, his cock twitched in excitement at the mesmerized view.

You've never seen any cocks like his so far. But does it matter?, the man, no, your man is sitting right here, under your control, and desperately begging for your touch. You started to stroke him at a slow pace and gradually increased the speed with both hands, no exaggeration, John's length needed both of your hands to be considered enough. His breathing became more rapid and you knew he's close. Leaning forward and John doesn't hesitate to return your kindness, a low moan escaped his throat as he released onto your abdomen, his seed thick and hot made you horny like a bitch on heat. Your fingers delicately scraped the cum he had shot onto your stomach and brought it to your mouth, licking and sucking your fingers in the dirtiest way together with his taste.

"Can you take your shirt off for me, please" John gasped, "I wanna see those pretty tits"

You did as he said, your breasts bouncing as you took your shirt off. Lustful eyes staring at your nipples and John raised his calloused hands to held them. He fold one while the other was taken care of by his mouth, the man sucked and gently nipped your sensitive nipple, making you moan in pleasure.

"Y'know, I've dreamed about sucking these gorgeous tits for too long, darlin'" John gave you a devil grin before pinning you down on the sofa. You immediately covered your stretch marks on your lower belly plus your burning face but John smacked your ass check as a warning

"Oi, tryin' to enjoy my meal hear, eh?" John chuckled deeply as he clicked his tounge. You wanted to cry out so bad, you've never revel your body so bare like this to no one, ever. But John did not agree with such nonsense. He shut your stupid mind down by worshiping every inch of your body, his lips left marks on your plush stomach and hips. Seemed like you hadn't been to the gym lately, he noticed you looked softer compared to the last time he saw you. Moving down, John grabbed both your pants and panties, pulled them off and threw them in a random corner of the room. The man used one of his knees to shove your legs apart, revealing your pooling hot sex to his hungry eyes.

"Already so wet for me, eh?" John whispered as he placed loving kisses on your meaty inner thighs, the foreign sensation of his beard brushing against your sensitive skin sending pleasure down to your cunt, making your walls clenched eagerly. "Bet those pricks have never eaten you out, eh? Such idiots refuse a sweet thing like ya."

John buried his face between your legs, gently ran his tongue over your entrance and sensitive clit. Your body jolted every time he sucked or flicked his tongue against your clit, his two thick digits easily slid inside your cunt and you let out a loud moan at the sudden feeling of warmth inside you. Lightly grabbed John's hair as he held your thighs by his other arm and shoulder to keep them from closing, "That's it, sweetheart, use me like all you've ever wanted to" John mumbled, his tounge slid inside you causing his nose to rub against your sensitive clit. You sobbed in pleasure, your back arching to press your damped sex into John's mouth.

“Fuck….'m cumming, John” you whined, “Please…” and John quickened his pace, “C'mon, cum in my mouth, jus' like tha....Bloody 'ell, yeah, ride my tongue, c'mon luv, cum for me” he moaned and you felt the tight knot in your lower abdomen. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as the orgasm hit you and John didn't pull back when you came, his trimmed beard soaked from your slick and you blushed from that sight.

Leveled off your elbows to help yourself up, you wrapped one arm around the back of John's neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. It's tender, full of love, care and pure longing. Snaked his arms and held your back, he picked you up effortlessly and situated you hovering over his cock. You grabbed John's shoulder with one hand, the other held his cock directed to your entrance then slowly sat down. You both hissed when the tip of his cock slid inside, he's so big, too big, you felt like he could split you in half.

"You broken?" John glance filled with concern when your face frowns, you're so tight, if he couldn't get you to loosen up he might be squished to death. You let out a breathy laugh "I'd love a hand, Captain, if you don't mind", before trying to adjust to his size.

"Attagirl" John was amused as you finally took all of him, the feeling of your soft walls clenched around his shaft made him harder. Flexibility is also one of any athletes' standards, what a good fuckin' girl, John thought.

You began to move your hips up and down, nails leaving long scratches on John's muscular torso as your breasts pressed against his with each of your movements. The lustful noises from where you two attached and the way John held your waist and bit your collarbone made the pleasure inside you boil over and over again. The man knows that you wouldn't stop him from marking on your body even though your club would definitely buzz around because of these obvious love bites.

"You're taking me so gud, luv, this pussy's made for me, eh?"

You moaned as his tip violantly abused your cervix, too fucked out to give him a proper answer. John growled, his fingers gripping your waist to press your body down onto his cock.

"John, 'm close, cum with me…please cum with me" you pressed your face into the crook of his neck and mumbled. You pinched your red nipple and tortured your puffy clit, tears falling from your eyes in pleasure and overstimulation. Silent scream escaped you as just after a few more thrusts, John shot his warm seed inside you.

It took some shallow breaths, your sweaty frames unable to separate from each other, apparently from the lovemaking afterglow. John cupped your cheeks and pulled you back to face him, "I know ya need to be wooed 'fore allowing anybody to do this but…" you patiently waited for John to continue. "Ya free this Sunday, luvie?"

Your eyes sparked up and you gave him a soft giggle for his endearing self, John still waiting for your approval with amusement in his glance.

"Is Chinatown alright, Captain?" you asked playfully with a hoarse voice and the older man replied with obvious pleased chuckle, "Yes, ma'am".

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docholligay · 1 year ago

Text

Dr. Holligay Tries Things That Aren't Running: Group Power

So after the immense blow of the slings and arrows of outrageous inability to read yesterday, one might think that I would give up. But no! One week of failure is not a month, and so I pouted for an evening and then got up off my ass this morning to get back into the fray. There are still three more weeks, and while I am less than enthusiastic about losing five stamps worth of work, I'm not going to throw away the whole "getting an overpriced kitchen item" endeavor.

So yesterday, I took the new bingo card and worked out what my schedule would have to look like in order to get a solid bingo by Saturday, starting on Tuesday.

We find ourselves at Group Power.

Group Power reminds me a very important thing, which is that I hate taking group classes. This is not a "I'm antisocial and don't like people" thing, I am a very gregarious person who often enjoys a group activity, but working out is one of those moments where I figure it's between me and the power of my own will and not whatever a late-30s wine mom in ass-sculpting leggings is doing next to me* is doing.

Group Power asks the questions: What if we were doing lifting, which Holligay hates, but what if were doing it all together to a specified beat?

So I want you to picture me standing behind a step, the stack ones like in step aerobics. Now, I've gathered the things I seem to think we'll need for the class like a little robin feathering her nest: My bar, a few plates, a mat.

Then strides in the teacher. It's my boot camp teacher! Fantastic. Jessie--for that's what we'll call her--waves at me, tells me how happy she is I'm here, she's always wanted me to try this class, and then walks into the back and grabs two small plates, tossing them next to my bar.

With a big smile. 'You can lift heavier than that."

IF YOU SAY SO. I'm too weak to argue. I am Group Powerless. I deserve every bad thing that is about to happen to me, and, it is. I add the plates to my bar.

So the great thing about this is, every rep is shouted out. This is a gym class that people imagine in their heads when they think gym class. We are midway through upper body when I realize my bar is overloaded. It is too heavy for how fast I am doing these reps. I am suffering. But I can't stop. I can't stop, because I am weak, and I am in the middle of class, and in order to lower your weight, you have to stop and take the plates off your bar, loudly admitting to the entire class that you, personally and individually, are too weak for the weight you picked.

Because I am stupid, I would rather die than tell this entire class that my bar is too heavy. And I may get the chance, as I head into another overhead press. Is this mild assertion of my masculinity worth possible injury? "It is if you're not a pussy," says the Marlboro man in my head. Overhead press for two, now singles, go!

The whole class is like this! And the worst part is, when she does finally tell the class to lighten their bar, I have the mechanical intelligence, apparently, of a pine cone, and can't quickly get the plates moved off and on my bar. I am sweating over this while they are already starting the reps, and somehow both no one is looking at me and I feel the EYE OF SAURON DIRECTLY UPON ME, and I hold both in equal hands.

AND LIFT! AND SQUAT. TWO MORE!

Jessie comes up to me at the end, as I'm struggling like a tenacious field mouse to get the plates off the bar.

"DId you have fun?!"

I look up at her through my sweaty bangs.

"I'm going for a run."

*Holligay, you're a late 30s wine mom. Excuse you I am a whiskey mom and that means I look like the dyke trash I am when I work out. That Britney the wine mom in leggings can outlift me is both hurtful and irrelevant to the topic at hand.

#things that aren't running

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catpile-irl · 1 year ago

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post meet!

okay, so i just got home from my meet, it went okay, i got 6/9, really struggled with bench and got 2 red lights on my last deadlift attempt (soft lockout but it was not that heavy for me). just some initial thoughts, i am stoned so they might be all over the place: overall it was pretty fun, i definitely understand why people like competing. i had really strong squats bc i kept them super low since they have been a struggle lately, but everything felt super light and good there.

that gave me some confidence out the gate, which was nice.

then my bench opener was 57.5kg and it was ezpz, but i failed my next two, idk why exactly, just seemed like i didn't have it in me. my third attempt the bar bounced on my chest so it took ages to get the press command, and idk it just messed me up. i benched 140, failed 145 during my last heavy week, so maybe i already wasn't feeling confident, and my shoulder injury/hypermobility stuff is flaring up because i've been working so much and not standing. so that was definitely a factor, and it makes sense that i'd have a hard time. i had a harder time setting up in their rack and that played a factor. so lesson there is, stand more at work, keep up with pt exercises, and my bench will do better. and make sure i keep healthy boundaries with work and don't overwork myself.

i really want my bench to get better, but it's hard, it seems to be stagnating/getting worse. i was so close to really benching my bodyweight and now i feel like i'm further away, and im not sure why. probably stress from work and the above shoulder pain. i was feeling amazing about my bench in january, doing 145x2. I supposed it's not that big of a drop, it just sucks that it coincides with my first meet. but you win some, you lose some.

deadlifts honestly felt great, like i really wasn't worried about them at all, i am pretty confident in my deadlift these days. watching the videos back, while the lifts go up quickly and they're (mostly) well executed, i definitely was rushing my setup because of my nerves. to no one's surprise, i was kind gripping and ripping, which can bug my back, and isn't the best way to do the lift. so i think the best thing there is practice really. i just honestly didn't feel like i was rushing it all that much, but i really wasn't pulling slack enough. i think those bad habits will probably always creep up under times of anxiety (like right before a pr usually) if i keep practicing doing a thorough setup with heavier weights it will get easier to do. obvs.

honestly very proud of my deadlift, that is my best lift by far. and that weight felt so easy, it gets me super excited, like maybe i can actually lift more than that. so i will try and push myself when deadlifting a bit more and see what i can really do. though really, whatever i'm doing with my deadlift training seems to be working, so maybe i should just keep on keeping on.

so anyway, just some initial thoughts. i did have fun so i might do it again next year, but i didn't really see any other meets that i would want to do this year. garage gym competition is in a few weeks, but i don't feel energized to do that. i want to spend more time biking outside now that it's spring.

as far as future training goes, idk exactly, i still really love getting stronger, as long as my joints can keep up. would like to get leaner for the summer (in a healthy way). i have a couple programs kind of already ready to go, one is jeff nippard's powerbuilding 2 and the other is my usual stronger by science reps to failure bullshit. i know the sbs programming works for me, i have gotten way stronger since i started using it. but i was following powerbuilding this year when i was hitting those PRs, so who knows. what i think was going on there really is that i was stronger than i thought i was for a while, and i wasn't lifting heavy enough weight. i also think i made great gains from my last cycle in november, and i have been very consistent in my training since then. so really i don't think it came down to the programming. one thing that i love is overwarm singles, so i was adding that into his powerbuilding program for fun and (hopefully) gains and i want to keep doing that. i think that my peaking and rest time was just about right for this meet. i think if my shoulder had been in a better place i would have done better on bench.

either way i will probably just bike tomorrow, rest tuesday, and lift wednesday. by then i will likely have a feel for what i want to do programming-wise, and i'll get back to it. i think i will take a week or so off bench and shoulder stuff, and really focus on PT. i want to work on getting my squat deeper to protect my knee, which luckily doesn't feel bad post-meet.

i will probably write more later after i have had more time to think, for now i am going to puzzle and watch cozy vintage gaming youtube

#powerlifting #powerlifting women #drea talks

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in-ky · 4 years ago

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Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."

#negan x reader #negan x y/n #negan smut #negan x you #negan smith #au!negan #the walking dead #twd smut #twd negan

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schrijverr · 4 years ago

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The Heart Is Also a Muscle

5 times Sypha and Alucard got distracted by Trevor’s warrior physique + 1 time he noticed and yet completely misunderstands.

Trevor is hot and once Sypha and Alucard have noticed it is hard not to notice. Now they just have to figure out how to confess, before it gets incredibly awkward because he catches on. When he does however, his insecurities completely misconstrue their intentions.

On AO3.

Ships: trephacard

Warnings: insecurities

~~~~~~~~~~

Despite Trevor’s many years on the road, keeping up a less than stellar training regime, he was still a warrior at heart and in body. He had still fought all those years and his frame was bulky to accommodate the muscle needed for that.

Something that was hard to miss.

And Alucard and Sypha didn’t miss it at all. In fact they noticed it a bit too often for their own comfort, now that they were cleaning up Dracula’s castle after their victory over the old vampire.

It wasn’t that Sypha hadn’t noticed that Trevor was fit while they traveled, it was more that they were so many other things to think about, to worry about to keep oneself alive that she hadn’t noticed that sort of stuff. So, it still took her by surprise when she did.

They were clearing out the rubble of one of the many rooms covered by it. It was slow going work, even with Alucard’s supernatural strength. One upside was that Sypha was getting really good at levitation spells.

She took a small break and wiped her forehead. Alucard had just moved a big stone and Trevor was now trying to lift a bigger stone than he had done.

For a moment she rolled her eyes at the childish display, but as she looked she noticed the shirt clinging to his sweaty body as he arms bulged under the effort. His brow was furrowed and his tongue was poking out slightly.

He was a piece of art.

Fuck.

Why hadn’t she noticed before that Trevor was completely ripped? Maybe she had noticed, but never connected that to him being nice to look at. Now, she couldn't look away as he struggled with the too big stone.

No sane human should be able to carry it and she didn’t know why he even tried (well, she did, but she thought it stupid). Until, the asshole actually managed to lift it, proud grin sweeping over his face as he did.

Slowly, he started to walk, careful steps to balance the stone and keep himself upright. Every time he almost lost balance, he flexed his legs, which was equally distracting and Sypha really wanted to know why she had to notice this, because she knew that from that moment on, she wouldn’t stop noticing it.

“Sypha?” the smooth voice next to her made her jump, she hadn’t even realized Alucard had arrived next to her. “Something the matter?” he asked.

She debated with herself if she would admit to Alucard what had distracted her so. It was embarrassing for sure, but she had also seen the fondness in the dhampirs eyes whenever Trevor talked to him, so she might find an ally in her suffering here.

With a decision made she gestured to Trevor, who was taking the final steps to the right pile of stones for rebuilding, before he squatted down to put down the stone. His back muscles rippled and his ass was practically on display.

Beside her, Alucard made a choked off noise.

At that Trevor turned around, somehow an adorable confused pout on his face that should look ridiculous on his large frame, but didn’t. “You both okay?”

“Yeah, just thought we’d wait for you to break your back carrying something too heavy before we laughed at you,” Alucard shot back, saving both their asses from embarrassment as Trevor rolled his eyes and flipped him off, claiming that it wasn’t that heavy anyway.

They were rebuilding some of the pathways in the Belmont Hold. Trevor had insisted on cleaning up most of the castle first, claiming that it was the most livable place out of the two and he wanted a bed, but both had seen the saddened look on his face when faced with what remained of his childhood home in ruins.

So, the moment they had made the kitchen and a few bedrooms presentable, they started on a few passageways across.

However, ever since Sypha had pointed out Trevor’s muscles in a different light to him, he now was ruined forevermore and she was to blame. He couldn't do anything normally anymore. Somehow each activity turned into a distraction with Trevor around.

Right now being an example of how much of a distraction Trevor was.

He was hauling up a beam that Sypha was directing above them, while Alucard was supposed to be sorting the pile of books that were in the language only he could read.

Supposed to, because he most definitely wasn’t.

No, because how could one read when Trevor was coiling a rope around his forearms as he pulled on said thick rope, muscles straining against it as he panted and dug in his heals.

The beam was pretty big and it was frankly short of a miracle that he hadn’t let it drop yet, but then again, he was incredibly muscled as Alucard had found out. So, slowly the beam rose under Trevor’s labor.

Faintly Alucard wondered how Sypha was holding out up there, being forced to watch Trevor so that she could jump in to help when necessary. He found her eyes and saw her bite her lip, face completely red.

Then the beam dropped a few feet as Trevor fumbled with the rope for a moment. It was an interesting tug-a-war. Trevor vs. gravity. Even as he won, regaining his footing and putting in some extra work, both Alucard and Sypha had gasped when it happened.

“Do you need assistance?” Alucard found himself calling out, despite knowing better.

“I am fine, Fangs,” Trevor grunted and that noise wasn’t good for Alucard’s blood pressure. “Just do your job and I’ll do mine.”

Wit spite as final motivator, Trevor pulled the beam the final distance, groaning with relief when Sypha had guided it into place. Before he could turn to see Alucard look, the dhampir turned back to his pile of books.

He had things to do.

Alucard and Sypha had gotten used to Trevor’s muscular frame that truly shone whenever they needed to do construction.

Well, used to was a strong word.

Trevor was still completely distracting, so much that they had started a little talk club in the library in the mornings when Trevor was sleeping in. But they could function almost normally and do their tasks while they worked.

But this? This now, right there? That was different. It was just unfair actually. Unfair and mean, but also very blessed.

Rewinding to that afternoon, when they had decided that they weren’t in the mood for reconstructing the castle or the hold. So, they had lunch, talked a bit, Sypha picked up a book, Alucard as well, while Trevor seemed content to sit by the fire with them, whittling away at a piece of wood.

Then it had happened. Trevor had reached for a bit of firewood, before realizing they were almost out. Throwing the last logs onto the fire, he got up and stretched as he said: “I’m going to chop some more fire wood.”

And then he left and they were alone. For a few moments they both just blinked at the empty space that had just been Trevor, before his words caught up to them.

Sypha moved first. She got up with her book and walked to the seat that had been built in next to the window that looked out over the fields below. They weren’t high up in the castle and had a good view.

“Might I inquire about the sudden move?” Alucard asked after a moment.

She grinned at him mischievously and nodded to something on the other side of the window, before she said: “Why don’t you come here and find out? Promise it’s worth it.”

Alucard didn’t know when he had forgotten she was cruel in her kindness, but looking down to see Trevor chop wood with a big ax was definitely cruel, still he was so very grateful for her that she had invited him to the view.

Because it truly was a view. Trevor was soaking through his shirt as he effortlessly swung the giant ax downwards onto the waiting wood, always splitting it in one or two swings.

“Oh God,” he choked out.

“Hmmhm, I know,” Sypha agreed.

“He just-”

“Jup.”

“Wow.”

It wasn’t the classiest conversation they’d had, but by far not the least classiest conversation about Trevor’s muscle’s they’d had. Still, they could hardly be blamed when the person in question was right in front of them being hot, instead of far away and sleeping.

As they watched they could see the outlines of Trevor’s muscles appear in sweat. Naturally the armpits were first, but then they appeared under his pecs and between his shoulders as well.

Alucard swallowed heavily, Sypha beside him followed suit.

They stood there for a while, just admiring Trevor as the pile next to him grew with chopped up wood. It was a nice spring day and the sun was doing wonder’s for the sweat coating his muscles. Trevor was now only in a tunic, nothing covering his arms. It was a very good look on him.

Then it happened. They were unassuming and powerless when Trevor lifted his tunic to wipe the sweat on his brow, only to pull back and grimace when he found it already soaked. Before they could prepare themselves he had tugged the tunic over his head, continuing his task completely bare-chested.

“Oh,” Sypha moaned miserably, “I don’t know if I want to thank whoever is out there or curse them right now.”

If he could have formed words at that moment, he would have agreed with her. Alas, he was incapacitated by the shirtless sweaty and sexy Trevor below them.

After they had started at the hunter for a few moments – imprinting the view, getting their wits together again, that sort of stuff – Sypha said: “This is truly pathetic. Look at us. This is so sad.” Trevor chopped again, it was a big log and it went down in one swing. “But totally deserved sadness if I get to see this.”

“Do you think he knows what he’s doing?” Alucard asked as Trevor stretched borderline pornographically.

“Oh absolutely not,” replied Sypha. “He’s as oblivious as a brick and I’m torn between calling it cute and frustrating.”

“We should probably say something to him at one point,” Alucard pointed out.

“Yeah, we probably should,” Sypha agreed, taking Alucard’s hand and leaning into him as they enjoyed the view together. They had made a deal not to do anything until they’d gotten Trevor’s rejection or until he was on board. Right now, she would do anything for a kiss though.

She didn’t try. She knew that Alucard cared about doing things proper and she wanted that too. She just also happened to be watching Trevor be hot while knowing that any move would have him running from the hills due to the emotional repressing he had made his personality.

So, she sighed and looked back out, only to see Trevor put the ax away and gather an arm full of newly chopped wood, still no shirt.

Cursing she pulled Alucard back to the chairs they had sat in and turned the book so that it was right side up, before she hissed to Alucard that he had to act natural.

Alucard had just turned back to his book, the look of apathy he had perfected on his face, when Trevor came in and dropped off the firewood, before greeting them and turning to bring another load.

Once he had left the room and would be out of hearing range, Alucard leaned over to her and whispered: “We need to come up with a plan at some point.”

“Yes, I know, okay,” Sypha agreed.

“He’s getting on my nerves both in a good and bad way and I might snap if we don’t do something soon and that’ll make things worse.”

“This is getting ridiculous,” she sighed, “I’m working on it.”

“What are you two gossiping about?” Trevor asked with a grin, as he returned with more wood in his arms. “You could be two old ladies in a market square.”

“Nothing really,” said Alucard, right as Sypha answered: “About how much you stink. Sweat isn’t a good look on you,” the lie came out.

Trevor huffed, but it was good-naturedly, as he rolled his eyes. “I’ll put away the rest of the wood and go bathe, your majesties.” Then he swept out of the room, leaving them without his shirtless pecs to view.

After the wood chopping incident, working together with Trevor had become harder again, so the cleaning of the general grossness that came with an army of night creatures had been divided to be done separately.

To Trevor they had claimed efficiency, and while he had looked suspicious, he had also accepted it without any complaints.

But even that did not save them from him. While there were no bulging muscles soaking in sweat, just general grossness and tiredness when they met up again with each other, it seemed that Trevor was full of surprises, oblivious as he was to them.

Alucard and Sypha had bothcollapsed on the floor in one of the main halls when Trevor joined them, stretching his arms above his head, flexing his muscles slightly.

He sat down with them and groaned: “I don’t think my back will ever recover from this, I don’t get paid enough for this.”

“You do not get paid at all,” said Alucard in confusion.

“Exactly,” Trevor told him, before stretching and groaning again. Then he stretched his legs out in front of him and just dropped his head down onto his knees, bending himself in half as he semi-moaned when his back cracked.

Sypha watched him slack jawed and Alucard didn’t think he looked much better as he ogled the hunter as well. Trevor was not just flexing muscles, but flexible as well. He would become the death of them that was certain.

It took them a few more moments to snap out of their daze, then a few more to realize Trevor had fallen asleep.

He had fallen asleep with his nose between his knees as if he was a pretzel, because apparently the position was so comfortable for him that he could fall asleep.

Fuck.

After the flexible incident, as Sypha was calling it, they had been scrambling for a plan to get Trevor to agree to date them, because seeing that display only to have to deal with the cute sleepy Trevor that came after had been too much for their hearts.

Naturally it couldn't be that way. They had a vague plan about maybe tying Trevor to a chair if he wanted to run away, but nothing concrete yet.

She was currently in the Belmont Hold, looking through their books, hoping that one would spark a plan or maybe just give her something to talk about with the other’s over dinner. A book caught her eye, it was green with golden letters that read: Herbs against poison, for healing and relaxation

But when she reached for it, her arm fell short and not even by a bit. She was even pretty sure Alucard couldn't reach it like that. She would need a ladder, but the ladder system for this part had been destroyed.

A part of her was aware that she was pouting, but she still frowned when Trevor asked: “What are you pouting about?”

“I wasn’t pouting,” she told him instead of answering.

“Okay then, why was your bottom lip protruding in displeasure?” he asked her with a shit-eating grin that was both adorable and annoying.

She gave up with that and gestured to the book as she explained: “I can’t reach it.”

Trevor tried, but he too couldn't reach it, but she appreciated how he stretched out in an attempt to reach it, the flexibility coming to mind again. It truly was a pity they hadn’t been able to come up with anything to exploit that part yet.

Sypha was about to call for Alucard to see if he could when she felt two big hands on her waist before she was effortlessly lifted into the air. She squeaked loudly and floundered for a moment.

“Grab your book, Sypha,” she heard the laughter in Trevor’s voice, but she couldn't find it within herself to be annoyed when Trevor had just lifted her of the ground like it was nothing.

Sure, she wasn’t the heaviest or biggest person around, but she had a lot of muscle for her frame and she wouldn’t describe herself as light. God, what she wouldn’t give to have that strength at her mercy.

No, don’t focus on that now, grab the book. She quickly clutched the book and hoped her cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

“Hey, you okay?” Trevor was now frowning in that stupidly concerned way that made her heart clench and she deducted that her cheeks must have been as red as she’d feared. “I’m fine,” she squeaked, hoping it would be enough.

Alucard came to her rescue, sort of. He landed gracefully and asked: “What happened? I heard Sypha squeak.”

“Oh, yeah, nothing to worry about. I think I startled her when I lifted her,” Trevor explained casually, “We couldn't reach a book she wanted. So, teamwork.”

“You. You just lifted her up?” Alucard repeated dumbly and Sypha knew that it was the fact that it was hot and he missed it that made him say it like that.

Sadly, Trevor interpreted it differently. “What? You think I couldn't lift her. No offense, Sypha, but you’re hardly a challenge. I mean, I could lift you, you bloodsucking prick. Sure, no super strength, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

“That’s not-” before Alucard could ruin everything, Sypha interrupted: “Really?” she tried to sound disbelieving, “I mean, you’re strong, but Alucard? He’s tall and muscled. I don’t think you can.”

“I so can, this is ridiculous,” now it was Trevor, who was pouting and she took a bit of joy out of her manipulation.

“Prove it.”

Trevor looked taken aback by that and glanced at Alucard, who gladly had caught on and send him a cocky raised brow paired with a smirk.

Determination settled on Trevor’s face and he crossed his arms, before saying: “Okay, sure, I will,” before walking to Alucard and hoisting him over his shoulder’s like he was a somewhat heavy sack of potatoes. “See?”

“Okay, yeah, but that wasn’t how you carried me,” Sypha pointed out.

“Well, then maybe I can’t do that, but lifting someone by the waist is the hardest way to lift someone,” Trevor protested as he let Alucard down. “I feel like that was still pretty impressive. He’s heavy despite the delicate bone structure.”

Sypha was pretty sure Alucard was out of the running now with that comment, but she wanted to sedate her own curiosity. “I’ll give you the hard lifting part, but I don’t know about impressive. Maybe bridal carry and I’ll be impressed.”

He looked at her inscrutably and for a second she feared he would call her bluff and point out her real motivations. That moment never came, he sighed then set his shoulders– his broad, nice shoulders – stubbornly, before literally swooping Alucard off his feet.

He gave her a look that screamed ‘What now, eh? Didn’t think I’d do it, but I did, so suck it’ and she loved it. She loved that he had done what she told him to do while also showing off those muscles. A win on every front.

His arms, neck and shoulder strained under the weight of the tall, muscled dhampir, but he held out as he gently lowered Alucard back onto his feet. Sypha didn’t know if it was the lifting or the gentleness that made Alucard bashful, but he murmured something inaudible, before hurrying back to what he had bee doing before the interruption.

“Rude,” Trevor noted. “I didn’t even get to bask in my superiority.”

“You can bask to me, it’s okay,” she comforted him. “I am suitably impressed by your dhampir lifting skills, Trevor.”

“Thank you,” he said with extra emphasis to make it into a tease. “You know, as a true hero, both for being epic and awesome as well as getting your book, I feel like I should be rewarded.”

“Oh?” she was curious to see where this went.

“Yeah, I want to borrow the bath soap you’re so protective over after the next time we attempt to clean the goop dungeon,” he made his demand.

She was glad that, with running warm water, they had convinced him that baths were actually nice and she didn’t mind the thought of him smelling like her. Still, she put up a front of indulgence, yet being annoyed as she said: “Fine.”

“Heck yeah,” he cheered before ambling off.

+1.

Trevor wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, but over the past few days he had noticed that both Alucard and Sypha were acting weird. Well, weirder than usual, it was pretty hard to define weird when you lived in Dracula’s old castle near the Belmont Hold with a dhampir and a Speaker, but you get the idea.

The thing was, Trevor had no idea why they were being weird and what had caused it, but he knew they were only weird to him.

It made his chest tighten uncomfortably as he tried to think of something he’d done wrong.

Nothing came to mind, but that just made him question if he really knew them if he couldn't even spot the thing he had done to upset them both. It was all a frustrating mess and Trevor was half waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

He hated feeling like this, feeling like he’d done something wrong and couldn't apologize. It tore him apart in a way he couldn't describe. He just hoped that they wouldn’t kick him to the curb, because that would extra suck. He already liked them too much as it was, getting his heart broken over something he didn’t understand would only make it worse.

So, he kept an eye on them, trying to figure out what they were thinking when they stared at him or whispered among themselves.

He was soon to find out.

It was a decidedly normal day, Trevor was mildly stressed, the weather was nice and they were finally moving the rubble they hadn’t been able to reuse out of the castle. They were making a pile out of it that they would later use to make an obstacle course or something, Trevor wasn’t sure it was mostly Alucard and Sypha doing the planning. Maybe that was it? Maybe the stress of the whole castle thing was catching up with them as well and it wasn’t anything Trevor had done.

They had assigned him to carry rubble, which made him roll his eyes. Alucard had supernatural strength and Sypha had magic, yet here he was carrying the bulk while Sypha ordered him around on where to go while Alucard switched between helping him and rearranging the rubble.

His muscles were straining under the amount of exercise, but it didn’t bother Trevor that much. It was good to keep in shape and he could handle it.

He came back from his umpteenth trip, groaning as he set down his load as he cracked his back by putting his hands on his back and pushing. He looked around and saw Alucard and Sypha on top of one of the piles that Alucard found “artistic.”

With a grin on his face he quickly hopped up the pile to see what they were talking about. They had watching him walk over and smiled at him, before turning to talk among themselves. He was about to call out a greeting and announce his presence when he heard Sypha said: “There must be more chores where we can make him carry stuff.”

Hm, he thought, that was obviously about him, thoughhe had no clue why that of all things would be a conversation topic.

Before he could ask, Alucard replied: “I mean, there are still those chains in the dungeons that we could make him clear out, but I feel that would be bad for us.” This was just making him more confused.

Sypha made a small noise, before agreeing: “Oh, yeah, Trevor with chains will totally be bad for us.”

Trevor choked on his spit.

Two heads whipped around to him, with two pairs of eyes as big as dinner plates, filled with the guilt of being caught saying something they shouldn’t have been saying. They were completely silent, neither explaining or defending themselves.

In the silence Trevor tried to wrap his head around it. How was him carrying stuff bad for them? And why were they thinking up reasons for him to carry stuff anyway? What did they have to gain by watching him carry stuff? It wasn’t as if he was eye candy and-

“Oh my god!” he exclaimed. He was eye candy. They were watching him carry stuff, because they liked it and holy shit did he not know how to even deal with that.

He felt the blood rushing to his head and knew he must look like a fucking beet, but he didn’t care, his mind was a bit preoccupied. He had known that some would classify him as handsome, but he had long since given up on either of them thinking that. They had seen him do too many embarrassing things to even consider him attractive and they had each other. Even dense little him could put that one together. Yet here they were.

Unless, of course, this was some sort of sick joke to them, a little voice in his mind whispered. The dhampir hearing of Alucard could have picked up his footfalls easily and they could have conspired to fuck with him, just for the sake of fucking with him. A cold feeling washed over him and his chest seemed to collapse in on itself at the realization.

God, fucking shit, they had probably caught on to his pathetic feelings for them and had decided to toy with him before telling him to scram for being a fucking weirdo. All the looks made so much more sense now.

It just fucking hurt that they would toy with him like that. That they would be that mean to him instead of just telling him when they’d figured it out.

Much to his embarrassment, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He swallowed hard and tried to force them down as he choked out: “Well, fuck you too,” before turning away to stomp off and grab his stuff to get out of there.

He didn’t get far.

Alucard appeared in front of him with his stupid dhampir speed that Trevor found very attractive no matter how much he hated it rightnow. The other reached out to him, but stilled his hand before they touched.

Fuck, how badly did he fuck up that they didn’t even want to touch him. And why were they even coming after him. He was doing what they wanted.

“Trevor,” Alucard said and it didn’t sound like someone relieved that the person, who had been crushing after him and his girlfriend was finally going, it sounded like someone, who was very upset.

It stilled Trevor long enough for Sypha to catch up with them too. As she laid her hand on his shoulder. However, he shrugged her off and tried to walk on again, getting stopped by Alucard, who found it within himself to touch the grossness of Trevor.

“Wait, Trevor, hold on,” Sypha called out. “I swear it’s not what you think.”

“Really?” he truly didn’t mean to sound so bitter. He was happy that they had each other, they deserved each other. It just hurt that he wasn’t in their they and that they thought that stupid joke would land well.

“Yes, okay,” she told him. “We’re really sorry about springing it on you like that, but-”

“Yeah, why the fuck did you think that was okay?” he hissed at her, trying not to feel the pangs in his heart at her little flinch. “I don’t care that you’re fucking happy together, but pulling that sick stunt on me is not cool. You can just kick me to the curb like a normal person. You fucking fuckers just had to crush me in the process too? Getting someone’s hope up and then- then… That’s just- just mean!”

He knew he was crying now, he totally was and his voice broke over the last few words, but he couldn't stop it. He had spend the last few weeks pining over them, while knowing he didn’t have a chance, perking up with a slight hope every time they smiled at him. So for them to give him that hope again only to stomp on it, had just been the last straw that broke him. Sue him.

“W- what?” Alucard asked, making him turn around to see absolute confusion written over his face along with hurt.

“Oh, Trevor,” he heard Sypha behind him with that pitying voice he didn’t need from her as he turned around to see hurting compassion written over her entire face. Yeah, now she felt guilty, not when she actually did it.

Still, when she reached for his face and gently cupped his cheek, he couldn't help but lean in to the little bit of comfort that was provided.

She wiped away his tears gently and softly said: “We’re not kicking you to the curb. Never, okay, never, Trevor. I swear. You’ve completely misunderstood. It wasn’t a joke, okay. It never was. We meant it, undignified as our lordship over there might find it.”

Trevor chuckled wetly at that, still not entirely sure if he believed her, but so willing to give in, even if it was a lie. For the lie was so much sweeter.

Alucard appeared behind him and he swayed slightly, the exhaustion of all the emotions in the last couple of minutes catching up to him. He tried to pull away when he accidentally hit Alucard’s chest, but the dhampir just pulled him close, nuzzling his hair as he whispered: “You’re such an idiot.”

That was probably true, both Alucard and Sypha were smarter than him and he was generally an idiot, but his mind wasn’t fully wrapping around where he had misunderstood it all and ruined everything.

The tears that had stopped started up again and he didn’t know how after years of repressing all his emotions this was the thing that broke all his walls. Still, he whimpered: “I’m sorry, for- for fucking it all- all up ag- again.”

“No, no,” Sypha shushed him as she hugged him, “you didn’t fuck up anything.”

He was now completely sandwiched between Sypha and Alucard with no clue how him taking a small break from clearing rubble had ended up like this. Yet here he was and he was going to soak up the attention and care while he had it, so he didn’t protest them holding him silently, just let himself melt softly.

Seconds or eternities could have passed without Trevor’s knowledge until Sypha broke the silence: “I don’t know how you got to the conclusion that our horny conspiring was a joke, but as embarrassing at it is, it most certainly isn’t, Trevor.”

Trevor had half choked, half laughed at the phrase ‘horny conspiring’ as it caught up to him what that meant. Hesitantly, he asked: “So- so you had me carry stuff just to watch me?”

It sounded ridiculous in his own head, because why on earth would anyone look at him when they could look at Alucard and Sypha, but they both tensed slightly around him, before nodding. Alucard going as far as to say: “You have nice muscles.”

Under other circumstances Trevor would totally and completely ruin Alucard by tearing him apart with teases at that remark, but there weren’t other circumstances and right now Trevor felt raw and vulnerable, so he just breathed: “Yeah?” in an unsure voice that he hated immediately.

“Yeah,” Sypha firmly agreed. “I don’t know how to tell you this without never hearing the end of it, but you’re really fucking hot. You literally made me into a person who says fuck just so I could tell you that you’re fucking hot.”

He actually snorted at that, because it was easier to snort at it then to admit that the complement felt nice and made him blush.

“We’ve actually been trying very hard to figure out how to tell you without you running away,” she went on, snorting miserably, “but I guess we messed that up. You are just so bad at accepting nice things for yourself that us telling you that we love you seemed almost impossible.”

“Y- you? You love me?” He was getting really fucking sick of that small weak voice

“Yes,” that was Alucard behind him. “We love you, just like we love each other. We hope you feel the same, but we understand if you don’t.”

“It would be really fucking stupid of me not to love the two most amazing people in the entire world, Alucard. Yes, sadly I am disappointing my entire bloodline by including you in that statement, but it’s true.” Admitting it like this felt better than being touch-y feel-y, he didn’t do touch-y feel-y well.

Luckily it was the right thing to say, because both of them relaxed around him as they snorted before chuckling and a bit of pride coursed through him at making them laugh.

“I’m so lucky you’re our idiot,” Sypha told him, before pulling him into a kiss.

Her lips were soft but firm and completely enticing. He kissed her back and stopped caring about oxygen as a necessity, it was completely overrated in comparison to kissing Sypha. When she finally let him up for air, he was dizzy. Faintly he heard her say something to Alucard about making her wait for so long, but it was lost to him as he tried to refind himself as a human being.

He became aware of Alucard and Sypha kissing each other over his shoulder once he had managed and watched mesmerized for a moment. Fuck, he could definitely get used to this. Still, he whined: “I’m feeling a bit left out here,” without meaning it.

Both their eyes fell on him and swallowing became a challenge. Then Alucard surged his lips and kissed him thoroughly. It was less gentle, while more careful than Sypha’s kiss as Alucard watched out for his fangs to Trevor’s disappointment. Yet, it was equally mind blowing.

Once he had resurfaced again, it took him a moment once more. He was still being wrapped up in both of them and his heart felt so much lighter than it had before.

“I know we should probably talk way more about this, but I do want to note that I have excellent stamina to back up my muscles.”

Both of them groaned and he grinned to his little victory.

Yeah, he could get used to this.

A/N:

Fun fact, my sister once fell asleep with her nose between her knees, because she is slightly insane, I feel personally. So, actually based in fact, lmao

Also, I swear this was supposed to be lighthearted, but then I was writing the last part from Trevor’s POV, because I thought it would be funny and he just wouldn’t allow himself nice things no matter how I tried to push him. So angst it is, very in character, sadly.

Btw, im really proud of that title ngl

#rr writing #trephacard #insecure trevor belmont #trevor belmont #alucard tepes #alucard #sypha belnades #sypha x trevor x alucard #castlevania #netflix castlevania #castlevania cartoon

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deniigi · 4 years ago

Text

So @petrichordiam and I are menaces and giggled over our ideal dinluke flower shop AU for like 4 hrs and then I wrote this.

Title: murderer next door

Summary: Din works as a florist and Luke works as a bookseller and they’re both assassins trying to keep the other off their turf.

-------------

Two times now, Luke had crashed past that flower shop, and two times now, the fucker inside had taken out his mark. Now all Luke had to say about the whole thing was that it was too bad that he was going to have to kill the guy.

Han told him not to turn back. The mark was dead; the mark was gone. They weren’t fast enough this time, but there would be others.

Luke just couldn’t let it go, though. He had rent to pay, and McFloristApron over there was smashing through all his targets and making that nigh impossible—regardless of how many marks there were in the area.

Luke waited until Han had closed up shop for the night and remained there in the dark with his arm slung over the back of the chair in the backroom, surrounded by books. He rolled his shot of whiskey in its tumbler. The sound against the old wood table offered no comfort.

He stood up and left the glass to get his laptop.

He wasn’t losing to some florist, Han, sorry. Only one family could take innocuous cover on this street, and it was them.

---

McFlorist’s name wasn’t listed on the florist’s staff page, but then again, none of the people on that page had names. In fact, the website’s whole vibe was all wedding-chic until you clicked on the ‘staff and contacts’ tab. Then, it may as well have been a line of mugshots.

Luke squinted along the row of increasingly involved headgear until he got to someone with a reasonably-sized neck with no tats. The ladies on either side of him appeared to have sapped all the ink out of McFloristApron. He wore a mask over the lower half of his face and gave a stoic thumbs up to the camera.

Under his picture was the number fifteen.

Damn.

Luke was only making eight per pop. Who the hell was this guy eating up all the feeder fish, huh? Them lower division folks had to eat too, you know.

Well.

‘Lower division’ in a sense of the word. Being two times undercover wasn’t super glamorous, Luke had to say. But when your dad fucked it up for the first family, sometimes you had to take what you could get.

Luke pointed at Fifteen on the screen.

“You and me, pal,” he said. “You and me.”

Step one was to get paid first.

Luke chased down three marks on the other side of town to pay the rent and the medical bills for now. His hand’s new sleeve felt like a dream. It didn’t overheat like the nylon black one did, and the hand was far less shiny now as a bonus. That had certainly reduced the number of people catching something move out of the corner of their eye.

Was it worth fifty grand?

No.

Was it worth the last nine that Luke had left to pay on it?

Yeah. It was definitely worth the nine.

------

Step two was to go make it clear to Fifteen McFlorist that he and his folks needed to back down in the face of the established guard.

Luke put on his biggest sweater and the thickest glasses he could find. He stole Chewie’s messenger bag with all the pins on it. He slung it over his shoulder and rolled the hems of his jeans up just a smidge too much, then scurried over to the florist’s across the way.

Fifteen was off to the side of the register, fucking around with something in the refrigerator. Luke busily and noisily looked through the wall of foliage on the side of the shop nearest the window. He hummed. He hawed. He made anxious nerd-sounds until a voice asked, “Hi, can I help you?”

Luke glanced out of the corner of his eye and found that Fifteen was standing facing his way now. His mask was gray this time. His apron was orange. His boots were too heavy-looking for florist work.

“I’d love that,” Luke gushed breathlessly. “See, my mom just got engaged and I’m on the way to her house.”

Fifteen lifted his chin slightly.

“What’re her favorites?” he asked tonelessly.

Terrible customer service skills, dude.

“Roses,” Luke said.

“Ours are shit today,” Fifteen said. “How about dahlias?”

Luke didn’t know what those were but sure.

“That sounds great,” he said. “You have any in pink?”

--------

He watched Fifteen brutalize some pink, orange, and white flowers into a bouquet wrapped with a silver bow and was sure to smile every time the guy looked up.

“That’ll be $37.59.”

Sir, these are dead flowers. There is no need for that price.

“Can I put it on card?” Luke asked. “How long have you worked here, if you don’t mind me asking? I work just across the way is all.”

Fifteen’s dark gaze flicked up. His hair was covered by a gray beanie two shades darker than the mask.

“At the club?” he asked.

“The bookshop,” Luke corrected him with a shy, but widening smile.

Please be gay. Please be gay. Please be gay. Leia wasn’t going to want to cooperate. She thought it was beneath her to establish boundaries like this.

“Blue paint,” Fifteen said. “Yeah, that place. How long have you been there?”

“My brother-in-law’s place, actually,” Luke said. “I started there last year after I finished college.”

Or, you know, maybe even eight years ago when he’d finished college. No one had to know. Baby faces don’t kiss and tell after all.

“Huh. You must like it there,” Fifteen said.

“It’s fine,” Luke hummed. “You like it here?”

“The kid does.”

“Oh, you’re a father?” Luke asked. “How old?”

“He’s three,” Fifteen said. “Godson. His folks were in an accident; didn’t make it.”

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Luke said. “He’s lucky to have you.”

Fifteen handed him his card back. Luke’s hand didn’t close in time to catch it and it fell onto to the wooden counter.

“Sorry about that,” Luke said, reaching for it with the other hand. His knuckles bumped into Fifteen’s when he went for the card at the same time. They both paused and went for the card again with the same result. Luke laughed.

“Slippery, am I right?” he asked, flattening his fingers on top of the piece of plastic and snatching it away.

“Very,” Fifteen said. “I hope your mom likes them.”

“Me too,” Luke smiled. “I’ll see you around—What was your name?”

“You can call me Armando,” Fifteen said.

“Armando,” Luke sounded out. “It suits you.”

It was a falsie.

“And yours?”

“James.”

“It suits you.”

It didn’t.

“Bye now,” Luke said. “Thanks for your help.”

He let the door fall closed behind him with the tinkle of the bell.

--------

He informed Han that “Armando” had a toddler and received only a warning look and a scolding for all his effort. Han told him not to get jealous. If there was a kid in the balance, then Fifteen, for better or worse, was going to have to see each day after the next until there was no longer a kid in the balance.

Luke offered to call CPS and report “Armando” as an assassin.

“You do that and those folks across the street are gonna call the VA and tell them I’m an assassin,” Han said. “Lay low, Luke. Lay low.”

Never.

“Christ. At least until that thing’s yours then.”

Luke glared at his right hand.

“Gimme a double,” he told Han without looking away from it.

------------

It was never easy to hunt in the daylight, but Luke wasn’t here to do easy things. He needed to get Mark No. 1 alone. The man took the train once a week to a gentleman’s club on his lunch break. Luke needed a change of clothes.

He had a rainbow windbreaker, white boots, and fishnets all ready to go.

He got on the same train as the mark and dropped his phone nearby. It clattered loudly and the case came off. Luke swore and squatted to drop it at the same time that two girls next to him decided to become good Samaritans. They crouched with him and one of them caught the phone first. They handed it back with a smile.

“I like your jacket,” she said.

Luke let his face struggle to find a smile at her kindness to him, a sweet little twink trying to find the pride parade that happened two weeks ago.

“Thanks,” he said. “I like your bracelet.”

He stood up. The girls were pleased with themselves. Luke glanced back to find Mark No. 1 turn his head abruptly away.

Come here, Markie.

Do you like what you see?

Mark No. 1 didn’t make it out of his hotel room. A pity. Luke took the elevator down and huffed and puffed about a cheap date when he passed the front desk. He stopped abruptly and went back to ask the receptionist what the cross street was. She judged his go-go boots.

He told her she wasn’t his type. Her manager gave him the cross street.

Mark No. 2 had different parameters.

----------

Mark No. 2’s parameters involved chasing him through a maze of boiler rooms and dumpsters. He was chump change towards a hand that Luke hadn’t wanted in the first place, but alas. The anger still roared.

Luke cornered him, still in go-go boots—no need to sacrifice style for speed—and watched those pale eyes look every which way as Mark No. 2 realized that there was no getting out of this.

“You got options, friend,” Luke said. “I can bring you in hot or I can bring you in—”

“—cold.”

His head snapped up and he lurched out of the way just as the crack of a bullet exploded in the alley. A car backfired around the corner in a sympathetic cough. Luke stared at the body then twisted around just in time for a thick glove to latch onto the back of his neck.

“Well, look who it is,” Fifteen drawled.

Luke glared out of the corner of his eye.

“Hands off, Armando,” he warned.

“I like your boots.”

“You’re gonna love ‘em when they’re on your dick,” Luke warned.

“Back off, Nayberry.”

Fucking hell, Han. This is why they should have set up boundaries weeks ago.

“I prefer ‘James,’” Luke said sweetly.

The glock levelled at his face didn’t care.

“You took my mark,” Fifteen said.

“Aw, poor baby,” Luke pouted. “Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you took mine.”

Fifteen’s orange apron was gone. He’d swapped it for an old leather jacket—something he could more easily wipe clean. He should’ve gone for patent leather. The brown really wasn’t working with his grey mask-beanie situation.

“Stay in your lane,” Fifteen warned.

“Only if you stay in yours,” Luke beamed.

Fifteen huffed.

“Bookstore,” he scoffed. “Who’d you give the flowers to?”

Luke tsked.

“Myself, jackass,” he said.

“Do you even have a mom?”

“What the fuck business is that of yours? You even got a kid?”

Fifteen’s stare was deadly—the cooling body before them notwithstanding.

“Take one step near him and we won’t be talkin’ so friendly, yeah?”

Mm. Yeah.

“You owe me four grand,” Luke informed Fifteen as the glock went down and Fifteen left him to go take a pulse.

The man’s back stiffened.

“Four?” he asked. “You took this job for four?”

Luke rolled his eyes.

“I got bills, Armando,” he drawled.

“How do you keep that shed open? Have you sold even one book?”

Rude. Luke was a great sales associate. If he actually cared to put his mind to it, he’d be worthy of a promotion to manager.

He pulled the rising legs of his shorts down and adjusted the weapon in his windbreaker. He couldn’t leave the alley the way he’d gone into it. Someone might have seen. He was going to have to take a side street. Hmmm, which one? Choices, choices.

“I’ll give you a Dad’s discount. Gimme two grand, and you can have him,” Luke negotiated as he thought.

“Two.”

Hey, no need for that tone. This was a great deal.

“What’re you gonna do with two?” Fifteen asked, already knelling down to heft the body over his shoulder as proof for payment.

“Buy some more tights,” Luke deadpanned. “Two, final offer.”

Fifteen stood up all the way and gave him a weird look. A long look. His beanie was pulled down low, but Luke got the impression that he was frowning at him.

“Take the four,” he said out of nowhere. “I’ll bring it tomorrow.”

Luke recoiled a step at first, then recoiled another when the reality of the situation hit him full in the chest.

“Forget it,” he snapped.

He spun around and started to leave.

“Wh—hey. HEY. Where are you goin’?”

“I don’t need your fuckin’ pity,” Luke called ahead of him as he set to climbing the chainlink fence separating him from the adjacent dead-end alley.

“You what?”

“You heard me,” Luke said.

He jumped down. His left hand found his right wrist and squeezed as he walked.

-------

The phantom pains kept him up all night, and it was definitely that and not the humiliation that made him call in sick. Han told him to answer his therapist’s emails. Luke told him to go do something useful and hung up. He rolled onto his back on his bed and focused on letting his body relax, his jaw unclench, his joints go limp.

There was sunlight finally streaming through his apartment windows again. It had been months.

Spring was almost here. He just had to hold out a little longer.

--------

He came in to work the next day and found an envelope on his chair in the backroom. It was thick.

“McFlorist dropped it off,” he said between aggravated sounds at his spreadsheets.

“Is it tax season already?” Luke asked him as he tried to burn a whole in the center of the envelope with his mind.

“Sure fuckin’ is.”

He stepped forward and snatched up the envelope, then deposited it squarely in Han’s lap. He made an unattractive noise of confusion and alarm.

“For the taxes,” Luke called as he went out to grab his lanyard and name tag. “Gotta keep this place open for another six months at least.”

------------

There were new books in. A new shipment to shelve. Two kids’ displays to set up. And Luke was actually good at this stuff, thanks; he started stacking.

He got peace until he nearly got to the end of the second display, and then what he had was a heart attack. Two liquid brown eyes surrounded by an ocean of ringlets stared up at him from between his knees. The child curled a hand in and out in hello.

Luke jerked himself up to locate the thing’s parents immediately, and promptly found himself in deadly eye-contact with Fifteen.

Armando.

“You were gone yesterday,” Fifteen said flatly.

Luke looked between him and the kid. He was pinned between two enemy parties. How to escape, how to escape.

“Are you sick?”

How to escape. How to escape. How to escape.

“Are you hurt?”

H—what?

“I’m fine, stalker,” Luke snapped with more heat than this present cover allowed. He caught himself and pulled it back. “I’m fine,” he repeated. “Thank you for asking. Is this…?”

Fifteen blinked once. The child blinked once as well. It was creepy.

“He’s mine,” Fifteen said. “And apparently the only thing that will get us through the next two hours is a book.”

Dude.

“Kids are kids,” Fifteen said. “You got any books?”

Luke stared at him, then checked the shelves to make sure he hadn’t teleported into another dimension.

You always had to check.

“We’re in a bookstore,” he said.

“He can’t read,” Fifteen said, pointing.

The kid grinned. His teeth were gapped in that toddler sort of way. He was kind of cute.

“You can’t read?” Luke asked him.

“Hi,” Baby said.

Oh no.

Luke loved him.

“How much?” he asked Fifteen.

“Touch him and you’ll be permanently comatose,” Fifteen said.

“Not if I died out of spite,” Luke said.

There was a long pause. Then Fifteen started laughing? Kind of hard?

“Oh my god, that was so unprofessional. I am so sorry,” Luke blurted out.

Fifteen collected himself and shook his head. His little one giggled and reached for Luke’s fingers.

“Boo,” he said.

Luke couldn’t feel the hand, but he could feel all the heart.

“Book?” he asked, crouching down. “Do you want a story?”

“Mmmm.”

“I have the perfect one,” Luke told him. “It’s about a caterpillar. Do you know what a caterpillar is?”

He got a slow, exaggerated head shake back and forth, back and forth. He stood up straight.

“I’m conducting a temporary kidnapping,” he informed Fifteen. “Do I have consent?”

Fifteen looked from him towards the front entrance and mulled over the merits of leaving his kid with his rival assassin. Then he shrugged.

“Consent granted,” he said. “Luke.”

Luke’s heart stopped.

“James,” he said.

“Your name tag says ‘Luke.’”

Well, fuck.

“Luke Nayberry. It suits you.”

Hhhhhhh. This was karma, wasn’t it.

“Thanks,” he gritted out. “And yourself, Armando?”

“Din.”

Woah, look out. Mr. One-Syllable-Cool-Man had entered the building.

“Din, what?” Luke asked as his arm registered tension. Din’s kid had latched onto his fingers and started pulling incessantly with a chubby hand gesturing in the direction of the wall of children’s books.

“Don’t you worry about it,” Din said.

“Fine, go trip then,” Luke said.

He swore that there was a smile under that mask.

----------

#dinluke #luke skywalker #ficlet #fic #I can't take any trope seriously it turns out #perhaps I am simply too old now to appreciate them #the mandalorian

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kuroos-moon · 5 years ago

Text

We All Have Bad Days

- in which they feel down, ft. how they act around you

pairings: Suna x reader, Akaashi x reader, Tendou x reader

warning/s: mild angst

wc: 2.4 k overall

Suna

he’s not really that open towards you— not that it’s intentional

he just doesn’t see the need to communicate certain things

other than that, he doesn’t even admit to himself that he’s not okay

you could easily tell, but he’ll brush you off every time you show concern

he’s okay, stop worrying. stop looking at him like he’s fragile.

“Rin, you could talk to me about anything you know?”

he was just resting his head on your shoulder in peace

so why in the world do you have to complicate things

he’s annoyed, you always try to comfort him, he doesn’t need it

“What are you so worried about?” He glares quite coldly, leaning away to look at you. “I said I’m fine, you act like you know me better than I do myself,” he casually says as if those weren’t hurtful words.

“I’m not forcing you to open up to me, I just want you to know I’m here for you,” you say with teary eyes as he gets up from his seat beside you. “I’ll head to practice, see you later,” he says in a dull voice, not looking back at you as he leaves.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He sat on the empty locker room’s cold floor, practice was long over but he just didn’t want to get up yet. He’s tired, he feels so drained and maybe it wasn’t because of practice, maybe he really isn’t okay— just like you said.

The image of you pops in his mind; particularly the moment earlier before practice, you were clearly hurt by what he said— he knew that. Regret washes over him as he leans his head against the locker behind him, you were right, he wasn’t fine.

He doesn’t know how you managed to see past his facade, but you did, he should be grateful— a normal boyfriend would be— yet he pushed you away when you only wanted to console him. I’ll apologize tomorrow, he thinks to himself, but yet again he felt conflicted because he also wanted to see you now.

“Are you gonna stay in here all night?” He looks up at the sound of your voice. “Y/n,” he says, surprised at your sudden intrusion.

“I was waiting for you outside but you were taking too long,” you smile, squatting down on the floor beside him. “I didn’t know,” he whispers.

Heat flushes your cheeks when you feel a warm jacket getting draped over your shoulders so suddenly, “you were cold, right?” He asks, looking at your flustered expression for a while before he looks away. “Thanks.” He only nods in response.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, your shoulders touching. “You just want me to know you’re here huh,” he whispers to himself, quoting your words from earlier.

“What?” You ask, not having heard him well. He shakes his head, getting up from the floor before he holds out his hand for you. “You’re ready to go home?” You ask, taking his hand as you lift yourself up.

He gently spins you around so your back was to him, his hands on either side of your waist. “Rin?” For the second time that night, you blush tremendously. He had wrapped you in his arms in a tight embrace, your back against his chest.

He rests his chin on your shoulder, letting out a breath as you both relax against each other’s closeness. “I’m not good at telling others how I feel,” he whispers. “I’m not used to having someone worry about me either,” he plants a soft kiss of appreciation on your neck.

“It’s okay Rin.”

“You’re so warm,” he sighs, snuggling against you. “Cheer me up like this often.”

“Let me go,” you tug at his arms, “I wanna hug you too you know,” you huff.

“No,” you feel him slightly smile against your skin.

You forcibly turn to face him, his arms still around your waist as he looks at you questioningly. “You can be sad in front of me you know,” you tell him and his eyes slightly widen at your words.

“I can’t.” He deadpans, and you were left speechless, feeling as if he was too far away from you, maybe he’ll never open up.

He shifts his focus to the maroon Inarizaki jacket wrapped around you, adjusting it so that it wouldn’t fall off. To your surprise, he gently pulls you by the jacket’s collar as he meets your lips with his. The kiss was sweet but short, he hoped to have expressed at least a fraction of what he felt for you.

“I can’t be sad in front of you, you make me not sad,” he mutters, slightly embarrassed to have said such a cheesy thing so he looks away with a small frown.

“Aren’t you sweet,” you tease, to which he rolls his eyes to in response. His hand glides down from your arm and to your hand, intertwining your fingers together before you both make your way to the door.

You yelp when he harshly kicks it open, followed by a series of groans as the Miya twins found themselves landed on the ground. “Rin!” you scold, slapping his arm lightly but he merely gives your hand a squeeze in apology before tugging you along with him.

“Lame eavesdroppers,” he mutters under his breath.

“Wow, an apology would be nice!” Atsumu huffs, glaring at the back of Suna’s head as the both of you walked away.

“Wanna eat something first before I take you home?” He asks you with a small smile, looking down at you lovingly, and completely disregarding the curses the twins threw at him.

Akaashi

first instinct is to rely on himself alone

he knows he could talk to you about anything but he doesn’t want to be a burden, even though he’s totally not

is very good at pretending that everything’s alright

you can hardly figure it out yourself if he doesn’t tell you

but, he has a tell

his hugs would be longer, he would be more silent than usual, and he would be so deep in thought you’d have to call his name twice

“I’ll be back by dinner,” he says to your ear. You were sitting down on the couch, laptop on your lap while Keiji leant down to kiss your cheek.

“What shall I cook?” You ask, looking up at him with a small smile. He looked and acted per usual, he seemed fine, but what gave it away was how he clung to you differently last night; it was more desperate as if he tried to console his own aches by having you as close to him as possible.

The raven-haired lad looks back at you in surprise, hand stopping mid-way from the doorknob. “You will cook?” He raises a brow.

“Have a little faith in me Keiji,” you pout at him before he gives you a small smile, putting his hand down before turning and making his way in front of you. “What do you wanna have for dinner? I’ll cook it when I get home,” he says, ruffling your hair a bit.

“I said I wanna cook for you,” you grab his hand. Let me do something for you, Keiji.

“Why? Well if you say so I guess pasta would be nice,” he shrugs at you. “It’s not your favorite food, it’s mine,” you grimace, staring at his back as he makes his way back to the door; why is he all give with no take?

“Don’t burn our house down love,” he calls off with light amusement in his voice before closing the door behind him. He proceeds to walk towards school, heart heavy in his chest though he can’t help but put on a small smile.

You were too adorable, offering to cook dinner for him even though he knew you couldn’t cook to save your own life. You were just so naturally caring, by the slightest look, touch, or mention of his name, you gave him utter solace.

That was enough, right? He didn’t have to tell you what was bothering him, everything will be okay eventually. You had your own struggles, why should he have you worry about him?

“Ugh we have tons of homework today,” similar complaints and groans could be heard as he walked out of the lecture room, in a hurry to come home to you. “But dude, we’re lucky we aren’t from the other class, they have thrice the amount of work.”

Right. You had tons of schoolwork and deadlines, you shouldn’t waste time cooking dinner for him.

Before he even opens the door to your house he could already hear your kitchen struggle. He should have refused your offer, what a burden I must be, he thought. “Y/n?” He immediately calls out for you as he sets foot in your home.

“Over here, ah,” you yelp, probably having touched something hot by accident. He rushes over to the kitchen, a frown plastered in his face as he took in the sight of you tightly gripping your hand, the messy pans and plates on the side from your failed attempts, and the slight tears that rolled down your cheeks at the pain from your mild burn.

He calmly guides your hand to the sink without saying a word, cursing himself for allowing you to make dinner for him. Your hand was placed under the running water as he scans his eyes on you to check if you were hurt elsewhere. “Hey, does it hurt that bad?” He asks you with worry as he saw you cry, his hands immediately planted on either side of your face to have you look at him.

You shake your head at him, and he merely sighs as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been the one to cook, don’t cry,” he coos, his face crumpling up in guilt and concern as a chain of self-blaming thoughts mess with his mind.

“Keiji, I’m not crying because of that,” you sniffle, taking his hands away from your face before pulling him in a tight embrace, your hand at the back of his head. “Y/n what’s wrong?” He asks in a small voice as he wraps his arms around your waist as tight.

“I wanted to do something for you, to make you feel better because you’re not telling me what’s wrong.” He freezes at your words, “but now it’s a mess and you’re comforting me instead,” you sniffle again before he resumes on gently rubbing your back.

“Can I take you to the bedroom?” He asks you, before letting out a small chuckle at your confused reaction. “Not for that, silly,” he shakes his head, lifting you up by your waist as you wrap your legs around him.

He gently lays you down on top of the bed before he lies down on top of you as well, letting out a long exhale. “Keiji, what’s wrong?” You ask him, running your hand through his hair as he buries his face at the crook of your neck. “Nothing y/n, I’m fine,” he snuggles closer to you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you, you were just so busy and I didn’t want to burden you with me,” he admits. “Keiji, you’re never a burden, I love you a lot, you know that; and you also know how I’d love for you to share your troubles with me instead of carrying them all alone,” you softly tell him.

“I know,” he sighs. “I guess I forgot, but you still comforted me in ways you didn’t know y/n,” he pulls away to look at you. “You simply exist beside me and I forget I’m sad in the first place,” his lips lightly brushing against yours as he spoke.

You only give him a small smile, staring back at his eyes before meeting his lips with yours. “C’mon, help me cook,” he offers you a rare grin as starts to lift himself up.

“I think it’d be better if I didn’t,” you frown and he ruffles your hair again; a habit he developed when he found you too cute to bear. “I know, just hug me as I do the work.”

Tendou

tries to act too happy when he’s down in the dumps

he goes overly cheerful and jokes around more often

it’s impossible to figure out whether he’s just extremely overjoyed or if he’s sad, he’ll act all the same

because once he’s down, he secretly feels like he’s losing a grip on everything and everyone he cares about

the matter may be unrelated but his past insecurities resurface so easily

that’s exactly why he unconsciously tries to be around you at all times, because he needs to reassure himself that your love won’t fade

“Y/n-chaan~!” He calls enthusiastically, dodging his way through the crowd of students as he makes his way over to you. “I don’t have practice, let’s go on a date,” he smiles, leaning on the locker beside you as you tidied up yours.

“Satori kiss my cheek first before asking me out,” you grin as you spare him a side glance, his eyes lighting up at your words just as you intended. He happily does as you say, overdoing it in fact as he kisses you repeatedly.

“Satorii,” you whine, shoving at his chest lightly. “Soo, where shall I take my y/n today?” He smiles, looking at you expectantly after you close your locker door to look back at him.

“You’re overdoing our dates, don’t you think? We’ve went out for four times this week, you also don’t let me pay for us,” you pinch his cheek, but guilt bubbles within you immediately as he looks at you in dismay. “How about we eat ice cream and go to the park instead? That’s still a date,” you offer, holding his hand.

“Chocolate for you?” He asks, his eyes brimming with excitement all over again and you nod at him, a small smile on your lips. You didn’t need to say anything more as you both make your way out of school with his arm slung around your shoulder, Tendou happily singing random songs and stopping for you to continue.

“How much do you love me y/n?” He casually asks out of the blue, and you immediately plant your feet on the ground to stop the swaying of your swing. “Tori, what do you mean?” You ask, you know him well; the way he acted these past few days were different from usual but you just couldn’t tell if he was actually happy or secretly sad.

“What do you think it means?” He shrugs, mirroring your actions as he too stops the swing’s momentum. He looks at you in confusion, why can’t you just answer him right away? Are you perhaps hesitant and unsure about him?

But you were actually silent because you were trying to figure him out; whether or not there was a certain depth to his question. “How much do you love me?” He asks again, still not looking away from you. “A lot,” you decide to say, “I love you more than you know Satori.”

He purses his lips and squints his eyes at you before getting up from his swing. Crouching down in front of you, he asks, “to what extent will you continue to love me?” You simply sit there, staring down to look back at your boyfriend.

“I don’t think I quite get your question Tori,” you offer him a sad smile, cupping his cheek with your hand. He hums to himself as he leans in to your touch, “what if you love me now, then get to know me more in the future— finding out certain traits or things about me that you can’t accept or learn to love, will you stop loving me then?” He murmurs, a small sad smile on his lips.

You knew right then and there that his insecurities must have been keeping him up at night again, and you feel your heart clench at the thought. He can’t help but feel this way sometimes, you understood that, it was a product of being rejected by others so often when he was young.

“Satori, I love you now, I’ll love you more tomorrow, and the days after that,” you caress his cheek and his eyes widen and he falls speechless. He could feel his breath hitch and his chest hurt, the good kind of hurt. You chased away his doubts, his worries, all you left him was the feeling of being loved.

Just by your words. He nods, getting up before holding out his hand. “Let’s go home,” he says. The two of you walk down the sidewalk, Tendou happily singing his songs, he doesn’t even bother to stop between certain lines as you now sang along with him.

You may not know it completely and he may not have told you, but you just made him feel a whole lot better.

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cycat4077 · 4 years ago

Note

Misc Prompt 4 for 'I can't believe you talked me into this' Sonny. (Fluff please) Happy Birthday in Advance🥳🥳

Thank you, nonnie! Kinda went niche with this one but ngl this would be my ideal date ^^

Fluff Prompts as part of Cycat's Birthday Bash Fic-aganza!

8: “I can't believe you talked me into this!”

Pairing: Sonny x Reader

Ratings/Warnings: Fluff, curling terminology :P

(Here's a video about the basics of curling. I tried to explain things in the fic, but this can help too if you're confuzzled.)

Curling Carisi

"I can't believe ya talked me inta this!" exclaims Sonny as he takes another wobbly step onto the ice.

"C'mon, Sonny! It's fun! I promise." You give him that pouty look you know he can't be mad at as you effortlessly glide towards him.

He fumbles with his broom unsure of where or how to hold it. It knocks him slightly off balance and he wobbles again, trying to find some kind of footing.

You can't help but chuckle, taking hold of Sonny's arm to help steady him. "Alright, Son. Now, crouch down in the hack," you say, pointing to the rubber foot molds embedded in the ice. "Yeah, the gripper foot goes there and you'll slide out with the other."

Sonny listens to your instruction and squats down in position. "Good! Next, prop your broom under your arm so that the head rests on the ice and the handle supports your weight."

The Italian once again does as told but blatantly remarks, "I look stupid, doll."

"No, babe! That's how it done!" You scoot over to him to make a slight adjustment to his broom, caressing his back as reassurance.

Sonny wiggles his bum in attempt to get somewhat comfortable. "OK, what next?" he asks, looking up at you with those big blue eyes.

"Throwing the rock," you grin. This is always the part that newbies struggle with. You fetch a rock from the lineup and tip it over, cleaning the bottom surface. Gently flipping it back, you glide it over the ice to him. "Here you go! Now, make sure you put your weight on your broom and not your rock when you slide out, or else you'll topple over."

Sonny quirks an eyebrow at you skeptically. "Uh huh," he nods, taking the granite stone. "Jeeze this thing is heavy!"

"Yes siree!" you chime. "They need to be in order to make the takeout shots!" You watch excitedly as Sonny rises, using his momentum to propel himself out of the hack. "Now let go of the rock!" you cheer him on. But as he does, he loses his balance, feet going out from under him, landing him on his butt.

You quickly slide over to make sure he's okay. "Ow!" he complains, accepting your hand to help him stand back up. Meanwhile, the rock skirts off to the side and comes to a halt only a few feet away from Sonny's crash-landing site.

You really do try hard not to giggle, but Sonny's rosy, embarrassed cheeks and the way he's rubbing his tush tips you over the edge.

"Hey! Don't laugh!" he whines. "I tried!"

"I know you did, babe," you soothe, placing a kiss to his cheek. "It happens to pretty much everyone on their first couple tries. But you'll get the hang of it!"

You leave him standing there as you snag your own rock and position yourself in the hack. Crouching down, you clean the bottom of the stone before performing your own slide. Sonny quickly steps out of the way as you effortlessly glide past him and release the rock. It curls down the sheet of ice, coming to rest within the rings at the opposite end.

Sonny stands there dumbfounded, mouth agape. "Damn," he remarks. "Didn't know I was datin’ a pro." He wobbles his way back over to you, a bright smile on his face.

"Far from it," you answer. "But, thank you. I'm so happy I could take you curling. I love it!"

Your look of pure joy makes the sore butt worth completely worth it for Sonny. He smiles at you before his features turn to a mixture of excitement and curiosity. "When do we get ta yell 'hurry hard'?" From the times he had overheard you watching curling on TV, it's the one thing Sonny had picked up on.

"When we start sweeping rocks, Son...and perhaps," you lean in close to whisper in his ear, "if you're not too sore from that fall, we can yell it later on tonight, too."

Sonny's cheeks flush dark red as you back up, sliding away and giving him a wink.

Flirting aside, Sonny was a relatively quick study. His slide wasn't perfect, but he found his balance and managed to avoid falling over while throwing his rocks. The evening was just for fun. You couldn't play a proper game with only two people, but you each took turns throwing rocks and making shots.

The final throw of the evening happened to be Sonny's. The house's rings were cluttered with rocks and you held the broom for him as a target. The plan was to try and get him to draw his rock into the rings and out-count the other stones to score a point.

"In-turn draw, Sonny!" you holler down the ice. He gives you a nod, proceeding to position himself to throw. Curling is normally about finesse when it comes to draws. You need the perfect amount of weight behind the rock to get it to curl, but not so much that it runs straight through. You can tell as soon as the rock leaves Sonny's hand that it was going to be the latter. "Uh oh," you mutter to yourself as the rock comes hurling towards you.

Miraculously, it defies the odds and, with a loud clank, smacks into one opposition stone, before changing its angle to hit another. This slows its momentum, causing it to gingerly skirt over and sit beside the button. Unbelievably, Sonny scores the point!

A loud cheer erupts from your throat as you look up incredulously to Sonny from down the ice. He throws his hands in the air in excited disbelief. Slippery ice be damned, as Sonny slides his way to you in record time. He throws his arms around your middle and lifts you off the ice. This causes him to wobble, forcing him to set you down before you both topple over.

"That. Was. Amazing, babe!" you exclaim, laughing with joy.

"I can't believe it!" he grins. "Ha! I guess I'm gonna haveta go pro now," Sonny smirks cheekily.

You shoot him a teasing look. "Now, don't get too ahead of yourself there, champ."

Sonny grins. "I had so much fun, doll. Thanks for convincing me to give this a try."

You beam back at him with pride. "I'm so happy you enjoyed it, Sonny. I love you so much!"

"Love ya, too, sweetheart."

Tag list? @barbasbodaciousbeard @teamsladsandgents @adarafaelbarba @caracalwithchips @averyhotchner

#Sonny Carisi x Reader #Cycat's Birthday Bash Fic-aganza!#prompts #answered #anonymous #Sonny Carisi #Sonny Carisi x You #SFW #established relationship #One shot #curling fic #my fanfic #Sonnyshine of my life

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shokobuns · 4 years ago

Text

tutor

yuji needs some help and he gets more than what he asked for.

pairing: itadori yuji x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 1.8k

warnings: slightly suggestive, making out, boner

“you really don’t mind?”

he looked at you with wide eyes, his slight smile accompanied by his happy tone. yuuji was kind, you can tell by the way he talks to your other classmates, complimented by the comforting aura that he always brought along with him. despite your limited interactions, you didn’t see a reason to deny him the help that he needed.

“i don’t. plus, professor miyagi is one of my favorite teachers. i don’t see a reason not to.” you flashed a friendly smile to reassure him that it was fine.

“cool, cool,” he responded, a grin plastered on his face, “after school at the library then.”

the rest of your classes zoomed by as you daydreamed about yuuji (again). only this time, you were thinking about how you would feel if your hand brushed over his, how you would function while he was listening to you intently. it all made your stomach turn uncomfortably, but you knew you would have to eventually stuff it away.

“are you sure about that?” you asked with a guiding tone.

of course, you do your best to nudge him in the right direction, but sometimes it all just ends with his head in his hands and a small, albeit slightly concerning, joke about he’s about to fail the class. you can see his pained effort, the gears that struggle to turn in his head, and it chips away at your heart. you’re doing your best, why wouldn’t you, but the concepts aren’t sticking in his head.

“how about you try this?” you suggest, writing a small equation on his paper before handing it back to him. he grabs it in his hands, lifting it from the table, and stares hard. his eyebrows furrow and his eyes squint at the writing until his face relaxes and his head tilts. the dots connect and a wide smile replaces the confusion.

“wait, i think i got it!” he grabs his pencil, excitedly scribbling onto the paper before sliding it back to you and anticipating your judgement.

the writing, though messy, is correct and a feeling of satisfaction washes over you while he holds his hand out for a high five. when you look back at his elated expression, your cheeks get unexplainably hot.

it feels weird.

every greeting in the school hallways feel odd. every sly glance in his direction makes you feel guilty. every moment of a study session, particularly the ones when you can feel his breath on your face and the warmth radiating from his body, makes you feel awfully uneasy.

itadori yuji made you feel certain feelings, ones that especially plagued your stomach, your heart, and even your own mind.

and it was all new. you couldn’t think of a time when someone’s smile made your heart race or a person who made your ears perk up at the sound of their voice. though, you accredited it all to yuuji’s friendly presence. it was natural, he was always the type of person who can weave his way into people’s hearts with no effort. it was easy for him to speak to a stranger as if they were a friend, lend a helping hand whenever he could.

you just couldn’t reason how or when he wove so deep into yours.

the feeling was terrifying and it felt like you had something to hide, some dirty little secret, but you couldn’t pinpoint the exact feelings.

when the end of the school day finally comes, yuji is already waiting at your locker for your routine tutoring session. you two walk silently side by side and he seems completely calm, unphased by the lack of small talk, but you actively avoid eye contact in order to prevent those odd feelings from starting up again.

the library is closed.

“we can just go back to my house or something,” he proposes, his hand scratching the back of his neck, “it’s not that far of a walk. plus, i can cook for you. pay you back for your services, you know?”

you purse your lips, mulling over the offer. normally, you wouldn’t have to think about it. free food? the comfort of studying at home instead of the cold atmosphere of the library?

but from what you know about him, there’s likely not going to be anyone else there. it would just be the two of you. alone. together.

you shudder at the thought.

“i don’t want to be a bother-“

“don’t worry about it!” he grabs your hands in his, your eyes widening at the sudden contact. he’s friendly and the increased amount of time spent with him only made him even more comfortable around you. there’s more lingering touches, more of him being seated closer and closer. you’re not sure if he notices, but it doesn’t help ease your mind.

guilt.

it’s all you feel when you go home that night replaying moments with him again. the presence behind you while you tried to reach for a cup on a shelf, the brief second of when you felt his breath on your neck.

you feel guilty because yuji is tooth achingly sweet. he’s kind and his aura reminds you of a sunbeam. his attitude is almost childlike and almost always optimistic, always able to keep his cool when confronted with a minor inconvenience.

“fuck!” you curse as you scrub your skin, hot water and bubbles cascading down your body. even an hour later, he still plagues your mind.

an hour later and you can still feel his breath on your neck, the lingering touches on barely exposed skin, the slight dampness that had formed in your panties. it all started with flushed cheeks and fast heartbeats, but somehow this territory feels so wrong.

need help. come at 2. door’s unlocked.

“yuji?”

your concerned voice echoed throughout his cramped apartment. when there was no response, you entered, closing the door behind you and walking towards his bedroom. you hesitantly knocked, just in case he was sleeping. “come in!”

when you finally open the door, you’re met with the sight of yuji lying on his floor in a big t shirt, pajama pants, and countless homework assignments spread out on his table. “help?” you hummed with an amused expression planted on your face. “you were doing so well last time i was over, what happened?”

“just kind of lost motivation,” he sits up, his back leaning against the table, “professor miyagi assigned a shit ton of review of assignments and they’re all due this week. i may have procrastinated a little bit.” you laughed before squatting down until you were eye level with the boy. “you always have me to help you. professor miyagi tends to do that. it’s annoying, but i love the man.”

“nerd.” he muttered on his breath before you turned to him with a pout on your face, “guess i won’t help then.”

“take that back!” you immediately grabbed a pillow, aiming for his head. “i was joking!” he catches the pillow with ease, “i need some sort of motivation…” he trails off, his cheeks turning a bright red, something that you don’t fail to miss while he turns away in an attempt to hide them.

“oh, yeah?” you scoot closer until your arms rest on his knees, letting your head rest on top of them. you’re not exactly sure about where the uncharacteristically bold behavior came from, but it doesn’t change the fact that your heart is beating fast and your palms are definitely sweating. hopefully, he doesn’t notice. “what did you have in mind?”

“uh, i don’t know,” it seems as his voice gets quieter and quieter every time. it doesn’t seem like he’s completely at his usual confident levels, “i had something in my mind, but it was stupid.”

the small surge of courage races throughout your body when your face inches closer to his until your lips meet his. they’re soft and sweet, just like the man himself, and your heart melts when he cups your face into his bigger hands. pulling away, he’s wide eyed and giddy up to the point you entice him with an offer. “for each homework assignment done, we get to do that again, alright?’

though your foreheads are touching, you can make out the smirk on his face right before he gathers all of his things in order. the organization is sloppy, but if he understands it that’s all that really matters. while he scribbles down a series of numbers and equations, you lay on his bed, waiting for him to hand you something to check.

after ten minutes pass, he does and there’s a mistake, though you ignore it, opting to look at the problem for three seconds and tossing away the notebook instead. he doesn’t have time to process your legs straddling his lap, your soft lips melding into his.

his reaction is natural, hands coming down to your ass, giving a small squeeze as you grab his face with one hand, squishing his cheeks. his tongue swipes across your bottom lip and you let it enter your mouth, sucking on the pink muscle while he lets out a sweet moan. the sound fills you with a feeling of success, your crotch subtly grinding down on his lap.

you can feel something hardening under you, it’s unmistakable and it fills you with a sick sense of pride. yuji operates by instinct with every movement, the kisses are hungry and laced with need. another squeeze of your ass causes you to squeak while your hands keep him close.

you can’t think. you can’t feel.

your mind is completely empty because he’s overridden your senses from the feeling of his sloppy lips, the pretty noises he makes, the hard on that pokes through his jeans. eventually, he pulls away for air, heavy breaths that tickle your neck, his arms wrapping around your body.

you didn’t see a reason to deny him the help that he needed. and that included motivation.

“by the way, you got that problem wrong.”

“did we just make out for ten minutes for no reason?” he pouts as you laugh at his cute expression, “we made out cause i felt like it.”

“this doesn’t help with my homework motivation at all!” he crosses his arms, turning his back towards you. you wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder. you can hear the relieved sigh that leaves him and it encourages you to leave feather light kisses on the side of his neck, his body immediately relaxing.

“how ‘bout i give you a lil gift for finishing your assignments at the end of the week, hmm?” you suggest, your fingers interlacing with his. your hands trails down to palm his clothed length, your wet tongue dragging along the sweet spot of his neck up to his earlobe.

“a b- b- blow-” he manages to stutter out. you’re sure his brain is malfunctioned, but it only makes you feel triumphant when he pulls away and eagerly begins to write.

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cheri-translates · 4 years ago

Text

Alone on Christmas

A one-shot dedicated to my Secret Santa partner, @beautiful-mystic-mess

♡ MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU PRECIOUS GIRL ♡

And major appreciation to @ginkgowritings who initiated this wholesome exchange and for feeding us quality Gavin content :>

Mildly suggestive!

[ a week before christmas ]

“How could you do this?!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You. Are. The. Worst. Boyfriend. Ever.”

“I know.”

“How could you leave your adorable girlfriend alone on Christmas?”

“Mm, she’s adorable.”

“...”

A zephyr rakes up dried leaves, pulling them into a dance in mid-air. This dazzling display would have left you in awe, if you weren’t currently fuming.

Gavin presses a chaste kiss to your right temple. You huff, a cloud of mist leaving your parted lips.

It’s nearly impossible to stay mad at him.

“I’m going to miss this,” you grumble, voice slightly muffled by the azure scarf you’re sharing with him.

Giving your laced hands an angry squeeze in the left pocket of his jacket, Gavin halts in his footsteps in the middle of the empty park.

“I’ll only be gone for two weeks, and even though I might not be contactable…” his voice falters when he sees the tears prickling the corners of your eyes, glistening under the glow of streetlights.

Eyes widening, he quickly removes himself from the scarf and stands in front of you, wrapping the wool evenly around your shoulders. Cradling your face, he tilts your chin upwards and gently scoops away the pearly droplets with his calloused thumbs.

“I really am the worst boyfriend,” he murmurs, slight panic in his eyes.

The last thing you want Gavin to see before he leaves tomorrow is your crying face.

You smack him in the chest, then turn away to rub the heels of your palms roughly against your face. However, it’s a futile effort as the tears return in a continuous, unrelenting supply.

“What if... what if something happens?” You choke, words surfacing in a blubber as you sob messily.

Gavin turns you around to face him, as though he’s inspecting a fragile antique. He draws you into an embrace, and you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

A light swirl of wind tangles and tosses the scent of mint in your surroundings.

“Nothing will happen. I promise.” he whispers into your hair.

He draws back, flitting his lips across your face, every peck removing the tears, the sadness of his impending departure, and the clouds of uncertainty.

The ticklish sensation causes you to giggle.

Gavin gazes into your slightly reddened eyes, then brings your right hand to his lips, planting a kiss on your engagement ring.

“I’ll make it up to you when I get back.”

[ four days before christmas ]

The house is silent, save for the occasional tapping of the keyboard and the almost imperceptible whirring of Sparky Jr. Jr. the Zoombot.

“Maybe Kiro’s Christmas album could turn this gloomy season around,” you muse to yourself, scrolling through your playlist before settling on a bubbly rendition of “All I Want For Christmas Is You” to inject some festive vibes into the room.

Leaning back against your chair, you return your gaze to the document on the laptop screen. You thought burying yourself in work would make the days more bearable. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have such a desired effect.

Whenever you worked at home, Gavin would drop by the study room and bring you warm drinks, your favourite snacks, and words of encouragement to keep your momentum going.

You stare at the pink, bunny-shaped post-it note stuck to the top right corner of the laptop: I’ll be home soon. You can do this, my girl.

He had stuck it there before he left. But it seems he’s also taken your motivation along with him.

You sigh.

[ christmas day ]

The dullness of winter hangs above you as you drag your feet down the familiar street, boots sinking into the soft snow.

The streets are livelier than usual, with raucous children pressing their ruddy cheeks against the glass windows, cooing over the newest toys.

Aside from you, no one is alone. Seeing everyone accompanied by their partner, friends and family gives you a stark reminder of how the person you wanted to spend Christmas with is currently in an unknown location and in an unknown condition.

Catching sight of your gloomy reflection in a glass window, you hurriedly smoothen the crease in between your brows, perking yourself up. You don’t want to ruin the company’s Christmas party for everyone.

This year, your contribution to the party is in the form of baking Christmas goodies. Not wanting to mess it up, you even sought the advice of Victor beforehand on how to make the perfect chocolate cupcakes.

Although the goodies turned out slightly different from the images he sent you, you trust that your employees wouldn't dare to complain given that the fate of their monthly salaries rests in your hands. At least, not in your presence.

After storing the box of cupcakes in the pantry’s fridge, you head over to the main office.

“Boss!” Minor greets enthusiastically once you step inside, squatting down next to the Christmas tree standing tall in the corner of the room.

Although the branches are already weighed down with tons of decorations, Minor continues digging through the cardboard box filled with ornaments, seeking to further embellish it.

“We’re almost done,” Kiki says proudly, taking a step back to admire the tree. “All that’s left is for Eli to-"

“Kiki!” Willow interrupts loudly. “I think we need more fairy lights.”

“Eli?” You repeat, utterly confused. “Wh-”

“Anyway,” Anna pipes up, handing you a Santa hat so you can match with the rest of them. “Since you’ve been such a wonderful boss, we thought we should give you something you’re sure to love.”

“Yes, make a guess!” Minor chimes in, standing up and clasping his hands together excitedly. “We’ll give you three tries.”

A thud from the file cabinet draws everybody’s attention. The door swings open, revealing none other than a familiar figure curled up in a foetal position at the bottom shelf.

But how is this possible?

A ghost?

Did you finally go insane after plowing through all those proposals for Victor over the past few days?

“Bro Gavin! You were supposed to wait for our signal!” Minor huffs in mild irritation.

“...it’s really cramped.”

You watch, frozen in position, as he struggles to extricate himself from the clutches of the cabinet.

Straightening up and patting some dust off his hands, his face breaks out into a handsome, slightly sheepish smile as he mouths your name.

“Gavin!” You lunge at him, wrapping your arms around his neck in a tight hug. He responds instinctively by pressing you closer to himself, and you can feel the rumbling of his chest as he chuckles softly.

Ignoring the flush on your cheeks when you hear whistles from around you, you draw back, staring at him in wide-eyed disbelief.

Then, you fire a series of questions at Officer Gavin:

“Are you real?”

“Yes.”

“When did you get back?”

“This morning. The mission ended earlier than expected.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” “I wanted to give you a surprise.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Nope...?”

“Gavin helped with the decorations.” Kiki pipes up excitedly, pointing at the unevenly cut paper snowflake garlands strung on the walls.

Catching the hesitance in Gavin’s response and Kiki’s input, you lift his hands up. As expected, you notice the razor-thin paper cuts donning his fingers.

You bring them to your lips, blowing on them. “My Gavin is a poor liar as always.”

“And I thought their posts on Moments were bad enough...” Minor gripes good-naturedly, gesturing for everyone to leave the room. “We’ll go decorate the pantry now~”

Knowing glances are exchanged among the group as they flee from the scene, giving the two of you some privacy.

All the heaviness in your heart from the days before seem to melt away as you stand on your tiptoes, kissing him with all the fiery passion you have in your being. You can feel him laughing against your lips.

“It’s only been seven days,” he breathes in between kisses. You feel like crying with joy, but only laughter bubbles from your throat. Breathless and blissful laughter.

“Seven days is too long,” You respond, planting kisses on whatever skin you can reach on his handsome face. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he echoes. He pulls your face away from his just so he can simply look at you, his liquid pools of amber drinking you in.

The door slams open with a thud.

“Did anyone miss me?” Eli bellows, strolling into the room with a tower of presents.

The party commences soon after that. Gifts are exchanged (Minor knitted Thorny a mini Santa hat), glasses are clinked, and separate conversations take place.

While it’s nice to be a part of the liveliness, you feel pretty overwhelmed and drained soon after. Offering to bring the cupcakes out, you politely excuse yourself from the intense discussion with the girls on which was the worst Christmas movie on Netflix this year.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Gavin is currently engaged in a conversation with Minor (though it looks more like a one-sided effort on the latter’s part). You decide not to disturb their moment of bonding, and head out by yourself.

Taking small sips from a glass of water, you fiddle mindlessly with the round magnets on the refrigerator, relishing this short breather.

Once you feel sufficiently rested, you pull the fridge doors open, retrieving the familiar box.

“Are you okay?”

The sudden voice causes you to jolt, and you almost drop your precious cupcakes.

"Mm, I’m fine. Just bringing the desserts out," you tell Gavin with a shrug.

"That can wait," he says simply. One large hand glides between yours and the tray, snatching it away, and sliding it onto the counter next to you. “I said I’d make it up to you when I got back.”

Now that the obstruction is out of the way, he wraps his arms around your waist and presses his lips to yours. You giggle, hands moving up to lace through his hair as you try to bring him closer than he already is.

He crushes you tightly against his body, easily lifting your feet off the ground and seating you atop the counter. There isn’t even enough room for air to fit between the both of you.

His teeth travel upwards, grazing the soft lobe of your ear, making you shiver deliciously.

“Gavin, not... not now,” you’re trying very hard to keep your volume down.

“Hm?” His warm breath tickles your skin. Caressing your cheek, he peppers feathery kisses down your jawline, ending with gentle licks and nibbles on your neck. “Why not?”

What happened to the boy who used to blush at the mere thought of talking to you?

“We’re in the office,” you respond lamely, attempting to pry him away without using any strength whatsoever. Your body betrays you, and you feel your grip around his neck tightening so he couldn’t go anywhere even if he tried.

Someone in the doorway clears their throat.

As though you got scalded, you release your hold on him and hop off the counter.

You lift your head to see a teasing Eli, his brows arched in bemusement as he splays his fingers over his eyes. "Please refrain from using the office furniture inappropriately.”

While you smoothen your slightly rumpled clothes and, Eli stuffs a Santa hat into Gavin’s hand.

“Here,” Eli says, injecting faux urgency into his voice. “Wear this.”

“No.”

Already expecting Gavin to refuse from the get-go, Eli waggles his brows.

“If you wear it, maybe you could...” His voice dips into an audible whisper. “Slide into her chimney tonight.”

Gavin coughs, dealing a painful blow to Eli’s torso. “Get out.”

“Ah, my spleen.” Eli winces exaggeratedly, grabbing the box of goodies off the counter. “I’ll keep the others occupied. Please lock the door next time. You’re welcome.”

With a wink, he makes his way back to the meeting room, shutting the door with a click.

Pretending that you didn’t hear Eli’s comment, you meet Gavin’s gaze once again. After staring each other for a few seconds, the two of you burst into embarrassed laughter.

He takes you into his arms with a contented sigh, nuzzling his chin against the top of your head.

"Merry Christmas. I’m happy to be home.”

ENDING THIS WITH ANOTHER POOR EDIT:

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #cheri tries to write

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punkcupcakestyles · 4 years ago

Text

Love Song

Part 16

Catch up!

So, this was skinny dipping

Word count: 20k+

Rushing down the stairs was a bad idea. I knew it as soon as I stepped down into the living room. I could feel pain taking over my body and rising up my spine, and my muscles screamed at me to stop, to just give up. It wasn’t like Harry was looking for me. He hadn’t even left the room, he had let me walk away from him.

And I didn’t know if the void in my chest was because I didn’t care, or because I cared too much. It was a new kind of pain that weighed on my limbs and made my body feel heavy, and as if even breathing drained my energy. My chest burned, feeling tighter with every new breath, and I felt as if everyone around me was looking at me, pointing their fingers and watching as I had a slow meltdown.

For a second, I thought about giving in and sitting there on the floor so I could cry all of my feelings out. I didn’t need them or had any use for them, no one to pour them out for. Sam was just confused. Harry certainly didn’t give a fuck. Maybe then, I would remember that I was just fine all by myself. And I would remember that love sucked, any-fucking-way.

“There you are!” If only I had noticed a second before, I would’ve been able to hide, but before I knew, Diana had popped out of nowhere, and she was already making me follow her through the room, as she made her way to the pool, where the lights were brighter, and the air was cleaner. D was wearing a simple blue dress and a leather jacket, and her long blonde hair was thrown into a messy bun. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, and Jesus Christ, she didn’t need it. She looked fucking gorgeous. A tiny little fairy that would bite you if you got too close. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Where were you?” She asked accusingly but waved her hand dismissively before I had a chance to answer. “Y’know what? I don’t need to know. C’mon, we need to take photos for the ‘gram.”

Usually, I would hastily pull my hand away, and roll my eyes at her so she would notice (and ignore) my annoyance, but this time, I followed meekly. Her touch felt so real, and everything else was so blurry and faded, it was almost comforting. Her hand was small and she had her nails painted a greenish-blue and I made a mental note to ask her for the shade name.

“Are you ok?” She asked as we came to a halt, and she looked at me expectantly with those huge eyes of hers. And I considered telling the truth, I did. I considered telling her that I felt like my heart had crippled into a tiny ball and that I had a sudden, panicky and crushing feeling that I was destined to live without really knowing what it was like to be loved. But that seemed like the kind of conversation that I would rather not have. Ever.

“Yes,“ I replied, squeezing her fingers lightly between mine, and trying to be reassuring and believable. It seemed like I had failed, cause she glared at me for a second, and opened her mouth as if she was ready to say something. She sighed, and whatever it was that she was to say hung in the air heavily. “Please, don’t say ‘gram,” I joked, as I resisted the urge to swat the air to dissipate the silence that was screaming at me.

“I’ll think about it,” Diana smiled softly and rolled her eyes playfully, and I relaxed as a result. I was safe. “Now, pose.”

“Say please…” I teased.

“Oh, fuck off…” That was all I got.

I hated taking photos, there was always something to criticize, I always had to think about my smile, my hair, my left cheek which was considerably bigger than my right one and it was only noticeable in pictures. But I did as I was told, and smiled brightly at the camera when I was instructed to do so. What was the point in fighting it anyway? It was easier to sell the dream, I had a lot more to gain from it. I was a happy girl, in the middle of a party to celebrate her boyfriend, Harry Fucking Styles. This girl had her head in the clouds.

“Good, I think I have it. Y’know what? We should go look for Harry so we can take a few with him. Do you think he’ll be up for that?” It was a good thing that Diana was distracted looking at the photos, cause then she couldn’t notice the sheer panic that crossed my face at the mention of Harry’s name.

No, let’s not look for him.

If I saw Harry, if I spoke to him, I was going to cry, or worse, I was probably going to beg. The idea alone cut my ego like a knife. But most importantly, I already suspected what the answer was going to be, and I didn’t feel like hearing it.

Funny enough, we both saw him at the same time. He had changed into a buttoned-down shirt and high-waisted pants, and my heart stopped as he looked in my direction, towering over the room from the middle of the stairs. I wasn’t sure if he could see me, but my knees wobbled a bit at the sight of him. Anxiety took over my body and I kept looking at both Harry and Diana, just to see if she would notice if I just ran away.

“There he is! Jesus, you two are impossible tonight,” D exclaimed, as she started to make her way to him. I bet she didn’t expect me to grab her briskly and pull her back to me, which made her topple on her feet because her eyes went wild and a little bit murderous when she looked at me. “What?” She spat and at that very moment, I realized that I didn’t have a plan, and if I did, I had only gotten to the first part: getting the fuck out of that house. So I smiled stupidly at her, wishing that my brain worked faster.

“I’m...I’m hungry, D…” I said. Someone had grabbed Harry for a chat, which probably gave me seconds. I had seconds to leave that house. “I want a milkshake. Can we go get one?”

“You’re on a diet, of course not,” Diana said, and she turned back around, ready to go look for Harry. But I was insistent, and my fingers wouldn’t let go of her arm, keeping her right where she was.

‘You can lose a pound or two’ were the exact words that the producers had used before they sent me to the most in-demand trainer in the city. So sugar was out and lifting weights, doing 100 squats a day and jumping jacks were in.

“Then, a burger,” I offered brightly. “I can ask for lettuce instead of bread!”

“You can’t eat meat, S. It makes you all bloated and you know it. What’s going on??”

I was willing to risk it.

“Nothing, I’m just hungry,” I scowled. It didn’t matter anyway, cause I had lost my chance to leave with some of my pride still intact.

Harry seemed tired and pissed, I could feel the intense waves that rolled off his body as he looked at me. The hinges of his jaw popped up, he was clenching his teeth so hard. A chill ran down my spine and I struggled to look away from him. So our eyes met and I felt myself getting paralyzed as I looked at him getting closer to me.

I was fully aware that I was an insufferable idiot and that nothing was going to happen. Nor Harry Styles, the singer, or Sofia Welsh-De La Rosa, the actress, could afford the scandal or the unbridled media attention. No, we preferred to control the narrative, it made us look like we had our lives together. So we would simply end the night with smiles and heart eyes on our faces, to Diana, Midge, and Jeff’s delight, and go our separate merry ways as soon as we could.

If he needed me, he could call Diana, and if I needed him...well, I was going to do everything in my power to not need him.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and repeated mentally that everything was ok. I just needed to play the role, cause that was what everyone was expecting from me: To play the role I had been hired for. Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten that and I was the only one to blame. There was nothing more, even the nights I had spent in his bed meant nothing. I was filling empty spaces, taking a place so it wouldn’t go cold. His sweet words were meant for another girl. His touch just meant to keep him occupied. And I was playing a role, nothing more.

So, I breathed out and smiled brightly at him, as brightly as the hole in my chest would allow. I had to remember that Harry’s girlfriend was not heartbroken, she didn’t feel the need to cry cause she had gotten her stupid hopes up. She was happy and she was loved by the man in front of her. Everything was right in her world.

“Hi,” I whispered as Harry stood next to me, and I leaned to him, brushing my lips against his cheek. His breath was sharp and shallow and I could feel it fawning over my skin when he looked at me. It made the little hairs on the nape of my neck stand at attention. Silly me, it almost seemed as if he wanted to kiss me.

“Can we talk?” He asked in the same whispering tone.

“No.”

“Sof…” Harry sighed, and I chose to ignore him, still smiling at him, which probably frustrated him to no end.

“D wants to take photos of us. Do you mind?” I asked instead.

Diana seemed like she didn’t want to get caught in the middle of it, and she cleared her throat awkwardly, looking everywhere but us. It was unlike her, because under normal circumstances, she would be tapping her foot, and crossing her arms over her chest as she impatiently pushed us into place. Right now, she stood there, looking at us and doing nothing of the sort.

“Well, I, uh, I thought maybe I could take some pictures of you guys acting like a couple, like candids, but, uh, we don’t have to do that,” She said. “But it’s ok if you don’t want to. It seems like you guys have stuff to deal with.”

“I don’t want to,” Harry confirmed. “And Sof, please, let’s talk.”

“We’re good, Harry. We have nothing to talk about,” I said and mentally patted myself on my back for not letting my voice wobble. Harry, on the other hand, didn’t look so happy, not even as I smiled adoringly and sweetly at him. His angry stance was coming back, the kind of anger that bubbles under your skin and waits for the right moment to explode. So I was careful as I looped my arms around his neck, and swayed a bit, my eyes focusing on the small freckle next to his lip. If I leaned closer just an inch, I could kiss it. I could kiss him, slowly and sweetly.

My knees wobbled again when Harry looked at me.

Being so close to him was not a good idea, cause he smelled sweet and clean, and his blue shirt was soft to the touch, and for a second there, I pictured myself wearing it wide open, with only a pair of pink lace panties, while I lied on his bed. He would hover over me, pressing kisses on my supple skin as he settled himself between my legs.

Stop.

“Then, let me talk.”

His fingers burned little holes on my skin wherever he touched me, and I struggled to pull myself back to reality. I had nowhere to go to, he was all-encompassing, all I could breathe and see.

“I don’t wanna hear it, Harry. I just want something to show on my Instagram feed, keep people talking.”

“Why would we do that?” Harry’s smile was sad as if he already knew the answer and he didn’t like it, not one bit.

“Cause that’s how PR relationships work. You need promo, and so do I, so why not?”

“Don’t say that…”

“Oh, I wasn’t the one that said it.”

“Sof…”

“It’s ok. I’m not mad.” As the words rolled off my tongue, I knew I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t mad, I was something else. “But I get it if you don’t want to. I don’t want to get you in trouble with your girlfriend. So maybe I should go.”

“Don’t.”

“And maybe we should keep this as professional as we can. If you need me, you should call Diana. And, uh, yeah, I need to go.” The air was faltering, and I was not going to be able to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill down.

I noticed that Diana stopped Harry from following me, which I was incredibly thankful for. I rushed through the room, and barely made it out and into my car before the panic came.

It was alright. Everything was just fine.

****

Sofia Welsh died alone, leaving behind 4 ex-spouses, no kids, and 4 cats she was allergic to, Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo. The time and manner of her death remain unknown. A neighbor called the police after the stench coming from her house became unbearable. The myth about her cats eating her face was just that, a myth...

I was going to be a tragic story from Hollywood, wasn’t I? Ryan Murphy would lick his fingers just thinking about it.

****

Baby, are you ok?

****

Sof, I’m worried, please answer.

****

Are you ok?

Please let me know if I should reschedule your training this week.

****

I know you’re mad and it’s my fault, but I can explain

Can I go to your house? It feels like you’ve never told me if I’m allowed to.

****

@Midge

Let’s talk about your idea of going back to college. I think we can get you into a really good one if you’d like.

Did you like the car I sent you? You haven’t said anything about it.

****

Where are you?

****

@Sam

Wanna hang out? I'm bored…

Pizza and Hocus Pocus? It is October after all.

****

@Midge

Fenty wants you for their new underwear campaign. I think it’s a good move. Let’s chat on Friday, lunch’s on me.

****

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, SOFIA? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

DO NOT MAKE ME GO TO YOU HOUSE LOOKING FOR YOU

CAUSE I WILL

****

@Sam

I just called Cat, she told me you haven’t left your room in days, are you ok?

****

I know it’s late, but I can’t fucking sleep until I talk to you.

****

Good, I couldn’t sleep either.

I wasn’t even sad, I didn’t feel a fucking thing, but in the worst way possible, where everything hurts, but you just cannot point to what hurts the most, so I was stuck there, suffocating and gasping for air like a fucking dying fish.

I kept watching Schitt’s Creek reruns. The colors from the tv show kept blending in and I looked at it for the first time in a while, wondering how many episodes I had “watched” by now. Mostly, I had been staring at the wall, as I tried to be good and quiet, so slumber would finally come to me. And it did, a few times actually, only to be chased off by the dizzying nightmares.

I knew I had fallen asleep cause sometimes, when I opened my eyes there was food on my bedside table, a steaming bowl of soup, mac and cheese (no milk, no butter, not too much cheese), broccoli and carrots with chicken and hummus, and every other dish that my nutritionist had previously approved. One time there was even a piece of oreo cheesecake, with the gooey chocolate sauce tempting me to eat it right away. Maybe with a scoop of ice cream.

I didn’t know if I had eaten any of it. I probably hadn’t.

4 days without sleep can do mean things to your brain.

***

Sam could read my thoughts, I was sure of it.

I opened the door to my room and smiled when I saw him, with his boyish smile that made his eyes crinkle and the stupidly deep dimples on his cheek, standing in front of me. He was wearing a nice button-down shirt, black jeans, and a pair of Air Jordans I had gotten him for his birthday, thinking he looked fly as hell. I still thought they were the ugliest shoes I had ever seen, but Sam seemed to love them. He was holding a medium-sized tube of ice cream, and a plate of freshly done and gooey dark chocolate brownies, my favorites. But it was late, and I probably shouldn’t eat any of it if I wanted to have even the smallest chance of sleeping that night

“Hey,” he whispered and I stepped to the side to let him and closed the door behind him.

“You do know I’m on a diet, right?” I asked him. Sam was already taking his shoes off and propping his feet on my bed, to make himself comfortable.

“We don’t need to tell anyone.”

“So, the calories won’t count?”

“Of course not. They only count if you worry about them.”

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works.” The corner of my lips twisted into a smile and I made my way to sit on my side of the bed. There was a large space between us, and we both settled on, lying on a sea of pillows. Sam put his hands over his tummy and I could see them rising every time he breathed deeply.

We stayed quiet for a while, while Sam looked for the exact movie he wanted. When he landed on Hocus Pocus, a childish grin curled up his lips and he turned to me as if he was waiting for me to approve his choice. We had watched Hocus Pocus at least 1,000 times since we were kids, just as we had watched every Halloween themed choice ever since, a tradition that we now shared with my mom and Cat.

“You look handsome,” I told him. The smell of the brownies made my tummy grumble and I finally caved in, picking the corner of it to eat it. It was still warm, and the outside was crunchy, while the inside was gooey and soft.

“I was supposed to have dinner with Annie.”

“Oh, what happened?” I asked, pretending that it didn’t bother me. It shouldn’t bother me. But sadness fluttered in my tummy and there was nothing I could do to stop it or understand it.

“You didn’t answer my texts.” Sam turned to me, with a sheepish smile already on his face. “And Diana called me to ask if I had seen you, so I guessed it was serious and came to check on you.”

“Oh...I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok, Sof. At least, I wasn’t the only one you were ignoring this time.”

“I, uh, I wasn’t ignoring you, Sam.”

“Yeah, you were, but it’s alright. I’m guessing I should figure out the answer all by myself.”

“Sam, I…”

I didn’t know what I was going to say. I just started letting the words out of my lips before I could form an actual answer in my brain. But before I could do that, a crashing sound cut me off, and I was up on my feet even before the echo stopped ringing in the air. Sam followed me, running down the stairs just as fast as I was.

Anxiety had my brain working as fast as it could go, and the worst scenarios flashed in front of my eyes: fire, burglars, floodings, and even a tornado, they all took over my brain for a microsecond. So when we finally got to the end of the stairs, I thought my brain was maybe playing tricks on me.

Harry was crouched on the floor, as he picked up the shards of a green mug. A dark liquid had spilled all over, and Cat was looking down at him, as red as she could get, while my mom muttered rushed excuses to the boy in front of her, helping him get the broken pieces before someone could get hurt.

“I’m so sorry, you don’t have to do this,” she assured him, but he just shook his head and smiled, that dashing, fucking pretty smile of his, and handed her the pieces he had collected. “It’s alright,” he said, and I felt my knees wobble at the sound of his voice. It was just as sweet and soothing as I remembered it. “It was my fault anyway, I startled Cat.”

What the fuck was going on?

“Oh, honey, there you are!!” my mom exclaimed as she finally noticed my presence. She was standing next to Harry, wearing a bright yellow cardigan over a white t-shirt and a pair of black leggings. Her hair was in one of Cat’s braids, a perfect crown around her head. She seemed happy, her cheeks were a little bit flushed and she looked at Harry with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Look who’s here to see you,” my mom said, almost teasingly. “I was about to call you, but Cat had a little accident.”

The culprit was standing by my mom’s side, as quiet as she could be. Her face was still crimson red, and she was looking down at the floor, unwilling to look at us, especially at Harry. Cat was no longer a kid, she was getting as tall as my mom, and she even used some of my clothes, a full teen among us. But it was as if she wanted to make herself as small as she possibly could right now.

“It was my fault,” Harry mumbled, but his mind was elsewhere. It was on Sam and me, and the fact that we had come down the stairs together, that it was so late at night and I was just wearing pajama shorts and a loose crop top. Any other time, I would have ventured to say that he was jealous.

“So, Sam, darling, come with me, help me with dessert,” My mom called and Sam obeyed meekly. “I’m guessing you’re staying for dinner, Harry.”

“I wouldn’t want to be a bother…” Harry smiled at my mom and she beamed right back before she looked at me pointedly. I knew exactly what I was supposed to say.

“You won’t,” I said to her delight. “It’ll be a pleasure,” I added, just for kicks. Harry smiled at Cat and my mom and excused himself before he followed me upstairs.

“What do you want?” I asked him as soon as we reached my room and we were out of earshot from my family.

I had never pictured Harry standing in my room, with his graphic t-shirt and his blue jeans. But there he was, gazing around my pink duvet and lavender pillowcases. He looked at the photo on my nightstand, a picture of my mom, Cat, and I, with the Eiffel Tower shining tall behind us. I had taken us to Paris as soon as I had the money to, and we walked around like crazy, pigged out on overpriced macaroons in a fancy store on Champs Elysées, and got back to our fancy hotel rooms completely knackered every night, with our feet swollen from how much we had walked. My dad had taken us to Paris before, but this time we did it as free women...and Cat. I fucking loved that photo.

“I was worried,” Harry said.

“You didn’t have to worry.”

“You don’t worry because you have to, you worry because you fucking do,” he shrugged. “And you didn’t answer my texts or calls. And I get you’re ignoring me, but…I just wanted to make sure that you were ok.”

“I’m fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest and sat on my bed, refusing to look at him, with that sweet smile of his, and the concerned frown that formed on his forehead. He had no fucking business looking like that. He had no right to make me feel so much.

“I’m sorry I interrupted your date.”

“It’s ok,” I replied. I didn’t feel like correcting him, because if I did, I might have to accept the fact that I had spent my days weeping about losing him, and that was not necessary at all.

“But uh, D told me we should set a date to end things. I figured I should talk to you first.”

Set a date. Oh.

I knew that was the logical step to take, so we could move on with our lives. That way Harry could go back to her, and I...well, I could go back to whatever the fuck I was doing before. Setting a date just made it real.

The smart part of my brain knew that my heart couldn’t break, it couldn’t do that, not out of love. But still, I could feel it breaking into a billion pieces, and the little shards poking around my chest, so it hurt just a little bit more.

“I think you should talk to D,” I said, short and to the point, because if I talked too much, I was probably going to cry. And by now, I was fucking tired of crying.

“Why? I’m not in a relationship with Diana. I don’t give a fuck what she thinks.”

“Technically, you’re not in a relationship with me either,” I offered him a small smile, rubbing my hands on my side in a nervous manner. His eyes followed them and he opened up his mouth to say something, but let a sigh out instead and ran his fingers through his already messy hair.

“Then be my girlfriend, Sof,” he said softly, just as he gazed up to me. His words caught me by surprise, and I looked at him in astonishment. My heart had lodged itself in my throat, and I had to make an effort to take a deep breath.

“Don’t be unfair, Harry,” I muttered. I wanted to laugh, but it came out like a dry chuckle, too sad and unhappy to fool anyone. “You need to figure things out before you can ask me that.”

“No,” Harry smiled, softly and sweetly, and I felt my heart break again if that was even possible. “And I’m not being unfair, I’m just…” He stopped when he looked at me, and he bit on the corner of his lips, mulling over his words before he let out a heavy sigh. “I sleep better when I’m with you, and whenever you’re not with me, I miss you and I wanna hear your voice. And I know you do too, ‘cause I hold you tight when you’re having those bad dreams, and I wish you would just open up to me and tell me what those are about, cause I fucking worry. And I know I can’t yell or talk too loud to you, because you’ll get scared, and that you like to pretend you’re living a simple life cause you’re scared about losing everything, but you still rehearse your Oscar’s speech in the shower. And I know you will do anything for the people you love, even telling me to go back to my ex, cause you think that’ll make me happy. So, no, I don’t need to figure it out. I want you to give me a chance.”

No words would come out of my mouth. Not even a sound. I looked at Harry with scarily big eyes, I was sure of it, and remained in my spot on the bed. My fingers curled around the covers and I made a ball out of the fabric, only to smooth it out nervously.

“Sof…Look at me.” I did as I was told, looking at Harry in the eye as he got closer to me until he was standing between my legs and I noticed that there were people having sex in his shirt. He crouched in front of me, and his fingers pressed softly to my thighs, burning tiny holes in my skin. My tongue darted to my lips and I closed my eyes when he took my hands in his. His touch felt so right, so calming and lovely. “Talk to me.”

I was trapped in a vicious circle. His presence made my tummy tight, and I wished for nothing more than to kiss him, slowly, lavishly. Hold his hands and let them embrace me. I was hungry for his touch. But I was also fucking scared, so much that it was numbing. I didn’t know what to do with all of these feelings, didn’t have anyone to look up to when it came to them. If I thought about my mom, well, that wasn’t ideal, selfishness and pain, unrequited love, and a toxic relationship. Most of my life I had spent pining over Sam and even that had been a fantasy. And then came Harry, in all of his glory and all of his brightness, with his sweet kisses and the way he made me feel, and it was so easy to let myself fall. But he chose her, even when he didn’t, and I felt like a second choice secured in a transactional agreement. And it made me feel sick.

But the thought of letting him go made me feel even worse.

When Cat opened the door, she found us just like that, holding hands and staring at each other as I struggled to come up with words. She cleared her throat because that was the polite thing to do, and I felt relieved to have found a way out.

What was I supposed to say? I still didn’t have an answer for that. Cause a part of me wanted to jump into his arms, but the other part, the loudest one, was so fucking scared, I wanted to protect her and tell her everything was just fine.

“Dinner’s ready,” she said, smiling shyly as she closed the door behind her.

Fuck.

My mom was expecting me and my boyfriend to come to join them for dinner, even if I had never told her that Harry was my boyfriend. I wouldn’t even know how to start that conversation, if I was being honest, I had never even admitted to my mom that I liked anyone. My feelings were usually in a box, primly tucked away and safe from everyone. They didn’t matter, cause they were usually unrequited, silly and juvenile, not something to make a fuss about. This time was no different, other than the fact that I was willing to shove whatever feelings I had into the deep end of the box, unlabeled and unexplained until I could forget about them.

“Harry... Could I ask for a favor?”

“You need me to pretend everything’s fine?” He said, not missing a beat as I let his hands go to get up from the bed. I picked up the ice cream tube and the plate of brownies, trying to get myself busy so I wouldn’t have to look at him for too long. If I did, I knew that my knees would tremble.

“Please...I know it’s weird...”

“Sure. It looks like this is the last time I’ll get to see you, so I don’t give a fuck about weird,” Harry shrugged, and his words took a moment to sink in, making me stop and turn to look at him when they finally did.

“What do you mean?” I asked, but I didn’t need an answer. Panic was already starting to settle in my bones, making my heart pound so loudly, I could hear the beat.

“I won’t beg, Sof,” he said simply. He wouldn’t beg and I was a fucking idiot. He didn’t need to add that last part for me to know it was true. A gigantic idiot.

So, I did the only thing that occurred to me: I got mad. Put the plate and ice-cream down and crossed my arms over my chest as I frowned at him. I looked offended, outraged as if I had the right to be any of those things.

“But we have a deal, Harry!” I exclaimed and Harry smiled softly at me. He was tired. I was tiring, I knew that.

“You’re released, Sof. We don’t have to do this anymore.”

“I am a woman of my word, Harry,” I bit, haughtily. “I don’t need to be released. I know you’re in a hurry to rekindle your relationship, but…”

“Oh, fuck off, Sofia,” he cut me off, and I pretty much had to run to keep up with him, as he made his way to the kitchen, where my family was already sitting around the kitchen island.

Dinner was already served, and plates of pasta and salad were waiting for us. We usually had dinner around the kitchen island, where we had placed six comfortable velvety blue dining chairs, just in case we had any visitors, and I sat in front of Cat and between my mom and Sam if he was around. This time, we were assigned the two seats by the end of the row, right next to Sam. Harry took the spot next to Sam and put his arm on the back of my chair, as he smiled sweetly at me. No one would ever believe that we had been arguing just a few moments before.

“So, Harry,” my mom said, as she served herself a whole lot of salad, and put almost as much on Cat’s plate. “I’ve been told you’re a singer.”

“I am,” Harry smiled at her, sincerely and warmly. Perhaps he wasn’t used to people not knowing exactly who he was. “I used to be in a band, and now I’m doing my own thing. Have you ever been to a concert, Cat?”

My sister, who was in the middle of biting a huge piece of spinach, was completely taken by surprise by the question, and she put the fork down before gulping largely. Her cheeks were pink and she looked at me for a second, before she looked back at Harry.

“I went to 1D’s last concert in L.A. Sam took me. Sof was supposed to come with me, but she couldn’t make it,” she said cautiously, readying herself with details in case Harry wanted to check on her story. But Harry looked at me, with a huge grin already curling up his lips.

“I thought you didn’t know who I was. But you liked me enough to go to one of my concerts, uh?”

Well, that was not exactly what I said.

“I told you Cat liked your music. And I got the tickets for cheap.” That was definitely not true. They were expensive as fuck, poor little me had to work two shifts forever to pay them up.

“Oh, c’mon, baby, gimme this,” Harry chuckled and I rolled my eyes, licking my lips and sighing in feigned annoyance before I gave in.

“I had to save a lot because back then I was a waitress, and I was trying to become an actress and go to college, so every penny counted. But, it didn’t matter, cause Cat and I wanted to go to that concert. That day, I, uh, I worked a day-long shift, cause I was taking the next day off, and I had gotten a call for a really small part in a movie, and they wanted to shoot that afternoon. They told me that I would be in and out in an hour, cause they just wanted to reshoot a small scene, and it had to be quick, but the actress was so drunk, she could barely stand, much less say her lines, so we had to do about 1,000 takes, and we were there forever. So I couldn’t make it to the concert, but, uh, the director told me I was a real champ, and she called me for her next movie, and...here I am…”

“So, I could’ve met you all those years ago,” Harry told me, a small, sweet and sincere smile spreading on his lips.

“Oh, no, we didn’t have backstage tickets,” I shook my head and laughed, cocking my head to the side as Harry took my hand in his and laced our fingers on top of the counter.

“I would’ve noticed you in the crowd,” Harry insisted. “You and Cat would have been the prettiest girls in the crowd, I wouldn’t have been able to take my eyes off of you, baby.”

Cat blushed up to her ears. My mom smiled delightedly. I rolled my eyes.

I would’ve kissed him. I should have kissed him.

“He is charming,” my mom said, reminding us that they were still there. “And he knows what to say.”

Harry didn’t let my hand go until we started eating and even then, his hand rested on my thigh, the bare skin of my legs covered with goosebumps. I forgot about everything else, about his question and my fears, and I allowed myself to enjoy dinner, and the warmth of the room, and the comfort of Harry’s touch. I felt sleepy and full, and I leaned to him, pressing my forehead to his shoulder as I sighed. He was sweet and familiar, and he was so close that I could press my lips to the curve of his neck.

I was too satisfied, so much that I could almost ignore the scowl on Sam’s face.

“Harry, would you like to join us to watch a movie?” My mom asked as we finished eating, and after Harry insisted on helping with the dishes. Cat and I were sharing a brownie, while Sam seemed to be incredibly interested in whatever was happening on his phone. “We like to watch Halloween movies in October, and Sam and Sof were watching Hocus Pocus, but I think we could give The Witches a chance tonight. Or maybe Halloweentown.”

“I don’t think I’ve watched any of those,” Harry said, going back to his place next to me and stealing a piece of my brownie.

“Oh, my God! How could you not have watched The Witches or Halloweentown?” I asked, appalled by the information.

“I don’t think I have, no.”

“We can no longer be friends, Harry.”

This made him smile mischievously, and a shiver ran up my spine as he looked at me, leaning back until I could feel his warm breath fanning over my skin. “It’s a good thing we’re not just friends, then,” Harry whispered and my skin covered with goosebumps when his lips softly brushed mine, and he kissed me lightly before he pulled away.

I was hot red, I was sure of it, I could feel the heat surging from my face, and Harry was enjoying it. His lips were still curled in a wicked smile, which got bigger as Sam looked away from us.

We didn’t have a proper movie room as Harry did. But we had a ridiculously big TV screen and a comfortable couch full of pillows and blankets, where we usually cuddled up to each other and watched movies and ate pizza. So we went there, and my mom offered a velvety blue blanket to Harry and me, so we could share it. Cat brought popcorn, M&M, sorted nuts, and lemonade, and settled them in the large coffee table in front of the couch, so we could serve ourselves.

I don’t think I made it to half of the movie before I fell asleep, cuddled up to Harry’s chest, and with his arms looped around my waist. It was easy to do, much easier than when I was by myself. I was lulled by his breathing, and by the lovely warmth of his body. I could feel the rumbles of his chest whenever he talked, and the sweet brush of his lips when he pressed soft kisses on top of my head.

So when the movie came to an end and we had to get up, my body refused to let him go, and I kept our fingers intertwined as I leaned into his hug. I made him wait until everyone went to their room, as we laid on the couch, cuddled up to each other.

“Stay,” I whispered as soon as we were alone. I couldn’t see Harry’s face, cause my mom had a whole thing about leaving lights on, but I knew he was looking at me, his whole attention focused on that tiny word. “Please.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, we don’t have to do anything...I just...I’m having nightmares…”

“And you want me to cuddle you to chase them away?”

“Yes.”

“Then, I’ll stay,” he replied and I nodded, cause there was no need to say anything else.

****

I didn’t have nightmares. Not one. I slept through the night.

But this was not a typical morning with him. Usually, I would wake up to his kisses, softly pressed to my shoulders, my forehead, my nose, my lips, everywhere he could reach. Usually, he liked to play in the morning, if time allowed.

It was different this time. He had already woken up and was on his phone. Sleep was still etched on his eyes, and he rubbed them lightly, with a little pout on his lips. He was shirtless, and the sheets were pooling around his waist, and even though I knew he had boxers on, black, tight, fucking inviting, it almost seemed like he was naked. I felt like a creepy intruder.

“Hi,” I mumbled, bringing the sheets up to my chest as I turned to my side to look at him. Sitting like he was, I could focus on his profile, the sharp edges of his jaw, the couple of freckles that adorned his face, and the way his nostrils flared up a bit around the pointy tip. I liked it when he smiled, but that seemed like a lot to ask under the circumstances.

“Hey,” Harry replied, putting his phone down on his lap to look down at me. “Did you get some sleep?”

“Yeah...thank you.”

“Why would you thank me?” He asked, chuckling lightly and looking at me with curiosity.

“For staying,” I said earnestly. “You were right, I do sleep better when you’re around. How about you?”

“I hadn’t slept in 3 or 4 days. I slept through the night yesterday.”

“That’s inconvenient, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“That I can only sleep when I’m next to you,” I said in a low breath, lying on my back to avoid looking at him. I didn’t say ‘we’, I didn’t want to assume, or have him correct me and tell me he slept just fine without me. That he had plenty of choices, he was going to survive me.

“It is,” Harry replied quietly. He looked at his hands for a second, remaining quiet as he gnawed on his bottom lip. “Do you want me to leave?” He asked and I didn’t even need to think about it to know the answer. No, I didn’t want him to leave. It almost looked like he belonged right there, in my room, in my bed, spending his morning with me.

“I think my mom expects you to stay for breakfast, would you mind?”

“No. But that’s not what I asked, Sof. Do you want me to stay?”

“Yes,” I replied in a low voice. Harry nodded and didn’t say another word, but he visibly relaxed and let himself sink a little bit further into the covers, getting closer to me as he did so. I relaxed as well, just now noticing how tense and stiff I was, almost as if I was holding my breath, gauging if I had to run or if I could stay. It was out of habit, the survival instinct kicking in. I wasn’t afraid, though, I knew what fear felt like.

“So, I’m the first boy you bring home...” he said teasingly, and this time he gifted me with the hint of a mischievous smile.

“I didn’t bring you home, you came all by yourself.”

“I needed to know you were alright, I was going a bit crazy. And you asked me to stay, and that’s kind of the same thing, innit?”

“Yes, it is. So far, you’re the only person that’s ever mattered enough.”

“So far?”

“Well, once you leave, I’m gonna have to move on, don’t you think?”

Harry rolled to his side until he was lying next to me, and if I turned my head, our noses could almost touch. The air got hotter, and the fiery tension grew around us as I looked at him. His skin looked so tan against the pastel colors of my sheets, and his wicked smile made me shiver all the way down to my curling toes.

“I’ve already asked you to be my girlfriend, Sof. I don’t know what else you want from me. Do you want me to swear I will adore you? Cause I can do that.”

“I just want you to be happy, H,” I said. I turned my face and looked at the ceiling, just in case I would cry. “It doesn’t matter if it’s not with me. And I’m pretty sure your heart's not in it.”

“I don’t think it’s fair you get to say where my heart is, Sof.”

“I know. But I’m sure you’re gonna thank me.”

“You’re fucking impossible, Sofia,” Harry grunted and I nodded, cause there was nothing he could say to me that I hadn’t already told myself. I bit my bottom lip and grabbed his hand in mine, with barely enough pressure for him to feel my touch, but still, so he could pull it away if he wanted to. I was hoping he wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” I said. “Please, don’t go. Not yet.”

****

Harry requested my presence every day that week. Most of the time, there weren’t paps around, not even one. Sometimes, we spent time in his house, or Jeff’s, and no one could see us, other than a small group of his friends or his band.

Diana called it an organic outing, where we relied mostly on candid pictures taken by unsuspecting people. It was better, she said, because it made it seem like a real thing, and not like a desperate attempt to call attention by calling the paps on yourself. She said people could usually tell.

Harry didn’t really need me, and that night it wasn’t any different, but there I was, smiling to his friends and sitting on a pile of pillows, while I listened to Alexa Chung as she told me about the many times she had seen him naked “by accident”.

There was plenty of food, I had made sure of it, I had put together different tapas and bowls. Whatever I could not get in Harry’s fridge, I ordered and hid the packaging away, which made it seem like I could make sushi and that Harry was enough of an adult to have enough things in his fridge to make a small plate with hummus, pita, and some olives and a really nice cheese board and even mini-sliders that I had made out of scratch (and brioche buns that I had found in a fancy bakery around Harry’s house). It wasn’t all that pretty, and I was sure my mom would be disappointed by my hosting abilities, but I managed, and that’s what matters.

I couldn’t stop stealing looks at Harry, and smile whenever I found him already looking at me. He looked like a fucking Disney prince, with dark, curly hair and emerald eyes. His tattooed arms only added to his charm, the way his ink spilled skin looked against the crispy white of his shirt.

It had been 9 days, 13 hours, and a few minutes since we had last kissed.

His arms were probably my favorite part of his body. Or maybe it was his thighs, or his eyes and the way they glinted mischievously when they looked at me. Perhaps, my favorite part was his dimples and their simple stubbornness, shining through his cheeks even when he tried to maintain a serious expression. I was also very fond of his lips and his sweet taste when he kissed me. He was fucking glorious and he knew it.

I had lost count on how many beers I had had already. Maybe 3, but they could easily be 5. I wasn’t much of a drinker. My vision was already blurry and I let my body sway from side to side as I watched everyone enjoy the food and the alcohol we had served. It was a birthday party but I still had no fucking idea who was I supposed to congratulate, so I just smiled stupidly at everyone, just in case. It seemed like my safest bet.

Harry took his time to join my little group. He was happy when he did so, and he sat next to me, draping his right arm around my shoulders. I took that as an opportunity to get closer to him, leaning back to his chest as I molded myself to his body. Harry’s hand dropped to my waist and went under my shirt, the warmth of his fingertips making me smile as he pinched my skin between them. He giggled and for a second I couldn’t breathe, I liked him so much.

Harry hadn’t asked again and I hadn’t given him an answer, and it surrounded us like a heavy fog that didn’t allow us to see any further than our own noses, not even each other. I could feel it in the last couple of days when he would barely talk to me when we were alone and most of our interactions were reserved for other people. But it felt nice to spend some time with him, and I took whatever I could get. I was the one that fucked up, anyway.

But tonight, it almost felt real, we were us, and I could enjoy the warmth of his body and the soothing richness of his voice.

“Alexa’s telling me about the time you went skinny-dipping in Italy,” I told him. “But I’m not sure I want to hear any more stories about her and my naked boyfriend.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Sugar,” Alexa smiled, looking at Harry and then at me as if she was confirming her statement before making it. “He’s all yours.”

Oh, Sugar had lots to worry about. Her stupidity most of all.

“You should try it,” he whispered, as his friends fell into a comfortable chat and they forgot about us.

“Getting naked in front of other people?”

“It’s quite liberating,” Harry smiled and I turned to look at him, with narrowed eyes and a teasing smile.

“I don’t know, it sounds like one of those things that’s a lot more fun when you’re with someone else. So, I’d have to find someone to want to get naked with me first.”

“As much as I hate to say it, I don’t think you’ll have a problem finding someone to join you,” he told me and I shook my head in response.

“Mmmm, maybe, but I don’t want someone else,” I whispered.

If he had something to say, I didn’t get to hear it. We looked at each other for a moment, remaining silent as we did so. We knew better than to have this conversation while surrounded by so many people.

3 hours later, we were finally alone. I was trying to tidy up around the house while Harry talked to his few last guests and walked them to their Lyfts. Once they left, and no one was able to see me, I would be free to go as well, to my empty bed and my recurring nightmares.

We weren’t spending our nights together, and I missed him terribly.

“Sof?” I heard his voice before I could see him. He was smiling softly at me, and I stood there, in the middle of his living room, just looking at him as he made his way to me.

“Sorry,” I said with a lopsided smile, one that gave away the slight buzz of alcohol that still ran through my veins. “I’ll leave...” But Harry was still smiling when he took my hand, and I felt the electricity that vibrated out of his skin. It felt like a game, following him around the house until we reached the pool. It was a chilly night.

Harry let my hand go as he went to take his shirt off. His tanned skin glimmered under the moonlight and I let myself enjoy his taut body, taking notice of every tattoo that adorned his skin. I was almost done counting them when Harry took his jeans off, followed by his black boxers.

He was naked, completely so, and I could only stare at him as if it was the very first time I had seen him like that. I was drinking him, devouring his naked body with my eyes as if it were the last time I got to see it. And maybe it was.

“Are you gonna let me get naked alone, baby?” Harry teased and I saw him as he dove into the pool, splashing around like a cannonball. It was only then that I reacted, my fingers flying to my lace shirt to pull it off over my head and letting my boyfriend jeans fall to my ankles.

Harry stared at me from the pool, smirking as he watched me unhook my bra and pull my panties off and kick them so they joined the rest of my clothes. I was way more careful than him when I got into the pool and I waded to him, standing there with a shy smile as I shivered from the cold water.

So this was skinny dipping.

We didn’t talk, because doing so would mean that we would have to stop kissing, and I didn’t want that. I was the first one to give in, crashing my lips to his and hooking my legs around his hips as his hands settled on my waist. It was a fucking good kiss, one that made me shiver down my spine and sigh against his lips as the taste of them flooded my mouth.

The water swayed us, and I could feel his naked skin against mine, my chest squeezed against him, and his cock pressed against my center.

“I can feel your heartbeat,” Harry whispered, and his words grazed over my skin, at the same time he trailed sweet kisses down my jaw, my neck, my collarbones. If I let him go, just a bit, he would have been able to continue his way down my body, but I wanted to kiss him more, just to make up for all of the kisses I had missed already.

So, I kissed him slowly and smiled clumsily every time Harry would kiss me harder, igniting a fire in the depths of my tummy, that made me press myself closer to him, so I could feel every inch of his body against mine.

Harry moved us easily to the end of the pool, and I huffed down as I felt the cold tiles. My nails raked over his skin and I allowed myself to break the kiss apart, only so Harry could continue kissing down my neck, licking and nibbling on my skin to his delight. The cold air of the night made me shiver and I threw my head back, as a bubble of bliss pressed tighter between my legs.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Harry smiled and I felt myself buzz with happiness.

“You’re the fucking gorgeous one, baby,” I whispered. My fingers had nestled on the nape of his neck and I played with the wet ends of his hair, while my nose bumped against his. “Fuck me right here, would ya?”

“Are you in a hurry, Sof?” He laughed. My cheeks felt hot and I looked away, focusing on a lawn chair that was by the far end of the pool.

“Well, I know I might regret it if we don’t do it. But you’re right, it’s probably a silly idea.”

“I never said that. Don’t let your head tell you that, baby. And by the way, I love it when you call me baby.”

We kissed some more, slowly and hungrily, because I wanted to and because we could.

We had all the time in the world.

Harry squeezed my ass and pressed us closer, as his hips rocked against mine, as the water swayed us. He licked and sucked on my nipples, and smirked with every new moan that elicited from my throat.

“Now you’re just torturing me,” I said. Harry smiled. It was true.

“I’ll behave.”

“Oh, I don’t want you to behave,” I smirked. Lust flashed in his eyes and he offered me a grin that made my tummy bubble. “Make it worth the drive home while all soaked.”

“I was hoping you’d stay. Help me sleep better tonight.”

“That’s the only reason you want me to stay?”

“I have a few others…”

“Well, as long as you need me.”

It wasn’t long before we were in the room next to the pool. His skin was cold, and little beads of water ran down our bodies. His fingers tangled in my wet hair, and I stepped closer, feeling his chest against mine as his fingers trailed down my spine. There wasn’t much space between us, so I could feel him, his hard cock pressing against my tummy.

His eyelashes were long and a bit curled, and they fluttered for a couple of seconds as he closed his eyes, giving in to the feeling of my touch. I wondered how it felt for him, as my fingers wrapped around his cock and I squeezed it lightly.

“You’re hard,” I stated, with a mocking smile curling up my lips. He was, and he grunted deeply in acknowledgment. “What are we gonna do about that?”

“I told you, I have a couple of ideas,” Harry replied, his voice low and slow, laced with lust. “And I need you for all of them.”

Harry brushed his lips over my shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to it. My whole body was covered with goosebumps, and my smile faltered, as I became aware of his presence next to me. Everything was heightened, his fingertips running down my bare tummy while he pressed just another kiss on the curve of my neck. “You know what I want to do when we fuck?” He said. His words made me shiver, and I looked at him, drinking every word of his.

“What?” I asked in a whisper, leaning closer to him as a fiery need grew in my tummy. I wanted to kiss him, a hungry kiss that would leave us both breathless. I wanted to bite him and lick him, just to taste him. Just that thought clouded my mind.

Harry didn’t answer and he didn’t need to, cause his hand had found its way between my legs. I allowed him to, gasping at the coldness of his fingers against my warm skin. It felt so good. So deliciously good.

“I always think about you sucking me off,” he said, and his finger slid down my slit, teasingly. “I love the way you look at me when you do it.” I couldn’t look away from him, at his pouty lips and the way his green eyes turned darker and darker. It was like it reflected my lust, and I could see the fire that was starting to consume my thoughts grow in his eyes.

“Maybe I would even make you sit on my face while you suck me off, baby, would you like that?” Harry asked, pressing a soft kiss on my neck that contrasted with the deepness of his voice. It was so rich, like honey and chocolate, and it made me melt inside, slowly stripping away any doubts that held me back.

“I would.”

I let go of my lip before it would bleed, and let my tongue soothe the sore spot. With his eyes still on me, Harry let one of his fingers slide down my entrance, seeing how wet I was starting to get for him. He dipped the tip of his finger and teased my entrance with slow circles. If I moved, if I rocked my hips at the rhythm he was dictating, he would thrust the tip of his finger in, and I felt a slight burn in my walls.

“And then I’d lick that pretty pussy of yours, baby. Get you all wet for me.” I was wet, he could feel it. He slowly let more of his finger in, and he thrust it slowly, looking at me as I parted my lips to inhale sharply. My walls clenched around his finger and Harry smiled widely, adding the tip of a second finger to the pressure between my walls.

“Fuck.”

“I would eat you out until you came on my tongue,” he continued as if he wasn’t doing enough already. “Would you like to cum for me, baby?”

his cock, large and throbbing, gliding between my folds, getting wet, and slick with my juices, hitting my clit with its dripping tip. I wanted to feel that pressure, my walls clenched just at the thought.

“I want you to sit on my cock, I want to bite your neck and your tits and play with them while you ride me. You can decide how fast you want to go, baby, how deep you want me.” His voice was just as slow, a secret between the two of us.

He had stopped moving his fingers in me, and focused instead on my clit, spreading my folds as his thumb drew circles on the little bud. My fingers were trembling, just as my tummy was, as I stroked his cock between them. I could feel him in all of his fucking glory. It was selfish of me, cause I wanted his attention on me, even when I knew he needed me. His throbbing cock told me as much.

“I wanna taste you,” I whispered. “Can I? Please.”

Harry kissed me before he said anything else, his hot mouth demanding everything I had, he wanted it all for himself. So I kissed him back, cause that was all I wanted to do. Because even if I repeated to myself that I would get over him, deep in my soul, I knew that I would always want more. Just like him, I wanted it all.

I went faster, pumping him in my hand and letting my fingers brush over his swollen tip every time. Harry grunted, and kissed me harder, sucking on my bottom lip until I moaned, loud enough for it to echo down my body.

I wanted to get on my knees right there, but he had a different idea and guided us blindly to the bed, where he sat and I stood between his legs, being observed by him with a devilish smile.

“Go on, then,” he said.

I got on my knees, pressing my fingers to his bare thigh before I grabbed his cock in my hand, holding him while I licked a bold stripe from his base to his tip and let my tongue swirl around his tip before I sucked lightly on it. Harry whimpered, at the same time that my eyes met his. Just for him to see, I kissed his length with soft, slow, and wet kisses, my tongue licking on the skin sloppily.

A sharp breath got caught in his throat when I took him in my mouth and pressed my tongue to the shaft of his cock, bobbing my head down as I tried to take as much as I could of him. Harry was thick, even I could tell that, and he felt deliciously heavy on my tongue, his sweet taste almost exhilarating.

“Fuck, baby, get on the bed.”

I almost refused, cause it all felt so fucking good, but I obeyed, popping him out of my mouth long enough for me to climb on the bed and kneel beside him. Harry didn’t waste any time. His lips attached to my nipple, sucking on it while his hand gripped to the back of my thigh, sliding up until he could brush his fingertips over my soaked slit. Harry licked the other nipple, at the same time his fingers slid between my folds and he thrust two of them in, while his thumb pressed to my clit.

He was distracting me, to say the least, and heat pooled in my lower tummy, pulsing quickly as Harry pumped his fingers inside me and massaged my throbbing clit. My hand went to the back of his head, and I tangled my fingers in his hair, while the other tried blindly to grab his cock.

“Harry, please,” I begged. My breaths were shallow, and my stomach quivered quickly, feeling tight as the pressure between my legs grew to a pulsing fire. “I wanna suck you off, baby. I want you to cum in my mouth, yeah?”

I could feel him smile against my skin, and he let my nipple go, peering up to me to offer me a smirk. Go on, his eyes said, and I bent down and sucked lightly on the tip of his cock. It was swollen pink, and I could taste the salty drops that gathered there. I wrapped my fingers around his base, and I squeezed a little, before I started to pump his cock in my hand, as I sucked on his tip and let my tongue press flat to his shaft to bob down just slightly.

If I looked up, I could see his bleary eyes and the way his mouth hung slightly open. Our eyes met and it was then that he started to work his fingers again on me, thrusting his fingers in my wet center slowly, while his thumb played lazily with my clit.

I closed my eyes, cause my walls were clenching and my stomach quivered, deliciously, blissfully. You surrender control over your own body for just a couple of seconds, letting the other person tip you over the edge, as they please.

“Fuck,” I whimpered. It was the only thing I managed to say, because Harry put his free hand on the back of my head, and pushed my face down lightly, so I would take more of him.

“Fuck, baby…” Harry moaned in a strangled whisper. “Fuck, Sof…”

I didn’t know what I was doing, so I chose to be sloppy, to moan and show him just how much I was enjoying it. Harry’s hips bucked up and I gagged a little bit, digging my nails in the meaty part of his thighs as he rocked them and his fingers went faster and rougher on me. I could feel that edge coming, the bliss that started in the lower part of my stomach and pushed down to my legs, so everything felt tighter every time my walls clenched, and that took over my legs and ran down to my feet to make my toes curl. I was unable to talk, my body could barely keep focused enough for me to keep touching him,

Harry’s stomach tensed, and the muscles of his legs flexed and he tipped his head back as his high hit him. I could feel his taste flooding my senses, and I kept sucking the tip of his cock and stroked him with a tight hold, helping him ride his pleasure for a little longer. His bliss came in waves, and he smiled as he pulled my hair back, the thrust of his fingers becoming just as lazy and slow as the rocking of his hips into my mouth.

Harry dropped to the bed when he came down from his high. His hot skin was clammy and his breaths heaved on his chest, but he looked at peace and happy, and he barely opened his eyes when I straddled him and kissed his neck softly. I looked him in the eyes and felt the heat of his skin against mine. His fingertips were brushing my leg, making their way up to the round of my ass to settle there. I kissed him once more, on the lips this time, and shuffled away from him, ready to leave the room and pick up my clothes that were still bunched up in a pile next to the pool.

“Love?” Harry said and I turned to look at him, still lying on the bed. “Come back to bed.”

****

Nashville was certainly a new city to add to my ever-growing list of cities I should come back to later and give myself a chance to know. But it was all a whirlwind, we went from the airport to the hotel, so Harry wouldn’t be seen. It was a surprise, after all.

Harry had asked me to come with him to Nashville, or well, he had asked Diana, who had agreed for both of us. He had a few meetings there, and he was planning to join his friend Kacey Musgraves in closing her concert in the Bridgestone Arena. I had no idea what that was, and I was pretty sure I had never heard any of her songs before, but it felt like a big thing, but I found it very exciting. It was the first time I had an actual chance to see Harry do his own thing.

But if I felt as if we had gone back to normal, I was sorely mistaken.

I had gone back to my house after that night because it felt like the safest thing to do and because Sam had called me, to let me know that my mom had one of her migraines after she had seen someone had been lurking around the house. She was sure it was my dad. She was now in her room, he said, feeling indisposed. I didn’t tell Harry that, he didn’t need to know, I just rushed home after talking to Sam.

Harry hadn’t asked me to stay or tried to contact me in any way. He hadn’t even taken my calls. I wondered if he was expecting me to make a grand gesture. Or maybe, he was bored the night of the party and had gotten his fun already. I wasn’t sure of which one was it, and so the fear was paralyzing.

“You hungry?” Diana asked on our way to the hotel. We were all riding in the same car, Jeff, Harry, Diana and I, and Diana was sandwiched between the two of us. She was asking me, but I took my time to answer, wondering how long it had been since I had a full meal. The last one I could remember was having lunch with Harry on a Friday, the same day his Lights Up video came out. We ate burgers because I was about to start my diet, and I needed to say a proper goodbye to food.

I had barely eaten after that day. I had barely slept. It was hard to do any of those things when you’re empty inside.

“No.”

Harry looked at me for what felt like the first time that day. Maybe he was now just remembering that I had told him I wasn’t hungry when he offered to make breakfast for the two of us, or that I hadn’t eaten anything while we were with his friends.

I looked away from him and to the city that was in front of us.

It was almost night already, and I knew I couldn’t go out to walk around because that would mean potentially ruining Harry’s surprise. Harry and I were supposed to share a room, but it didn’t seem like he was willing to share his bed with me, so I was mentally ready to sleep on the couch (he was the one that needed a good night rest after all), and watch The Crown all night long. If Harry came out, I could pretend to be asleep.

We couldn’t get fast enough to the hotel, I felt like I was suffocating in the car.

I was wearing a black hoodie, a bit large on me, with the letters TPWK embroidered in rainbow colors over the left side, a pair of leggings, and red converses. I had makeup on, a light beat consisting of tinted moisturizer, cream blush, cream highlighter, mascara, and sheer gloss over a pink nude lipstick, that Diana had insisted on putting on during the flight. My eyebrows were done, and I had even gone through the effort of putting an array of fake freckles on my face. This way, if someone saw me, I was officially wearing Harry’s merch, looking flawless and effortless, as if I was born looking like that.

My hair, on the other hand, needed Jesus, so I had put it in a tight bun that was surely going to give me a headache.

Harry and I got ahead, getting to the elevator as Diana and Jeff stayed behind, discussing our remaining outings before we ended things. By early January Harry would be a free man, free to get with whoever he wanted.

That didn’t hurt, not at all.

The ride in the elevator was silent. Harry leaned the weight of his body against the mirror wall, looking at his phone and biting his bottom lip as he did so. I twisted my fingers and waited impatiently for us to reach our floor.

I was suffocating.

On the tenth floor, the elevator opened its doors and two girls looked wide-eyed at us. They were frozen and their eyes jumped from Harry to me, and I was sure they wanted to pinch us, just to see if we were real. I stepped to Harry’s side and beckoned them to get in. My fingers brushed Harry’s hand and heat ran down my body. I peered up at him, but it didn’t seem like the same had happened to him. The girls snickered and kept throwing obvious glances at us, which felt a lot better than straight-up ogling. It had happened to me. It was never nice.

We finally got to our floor and we flashed a smile to the girls before hopping out of it. The screams rang in the air as soon as the doors closed behind us, and I prayed that they wouldn’t jump in there, but honestly, they probably did.

Harry opened the door to a large suite, with window walls that allowed us to see the city. The room had a large grey-blue couch, filled with blue and white pillows, a guest bathroom, and a small studio area, with a white desk and a hanging lamp over it. On top of it, there was a small library, with a few books about the city’s music and food. There was a door to the room, and I peeked into it when Harry opened it, and I got to see the king-sized bed and a blue velvet armchair. The door to the inner bathroom was opened and I could see that there was a large tub in it, as well as a ridiculously big shower.

I put my things on the couch and sat on it looking out at the city as Harry went into the room. What should I watch on Netflix? Maybe I should just browse Amazon Prime, I was going to be one of their stars pretty soon. I picked one of the pillows on the couch and pursed my lips in disappointment when I realized it was a bit too stiff. I already knew I wasn’t going to sleep that night, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be comfortable. I also needed at least one blanket. So I got up and went to the room, as Harry went into the bathroom. He had pulled some clothes out, a pair of jeans, black boxers, and a lace shirt, and placed them over the bed. I stared at them and my feet only agreed to move when I heard Harry’s footsteps coming into the room. I bolted to the head of the bed, picking one pillow and pressing it to my chest before I looked at him.

“What are you doing?” He asked and I blushed in response.

“I, uh, I need a pillow. Are you going out?”

“Yeah, I’m having dinner with Kace.”

“Oh…”

He wasn’t inviting me, why would he? Everything went so well just a few nights ago, what had happened? How had he got tired of me so fast?

“Why would you need a pillow?” Harry asked, being kind enough to ignore my bleary eyes. It wasn’t intentional, and I looked away, shuffling between the sheets as I pretended that I was looking for something else.

“It’s cold in the living room,” I explained.

“So?”

“I’m sleeping there. You have a big day tomorrow, and I have nightmares. Don’t wanna be a bother.”

Harry rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. He picked up the clothes from the bed and walked to the bathroom, leaving me alone in the room. I rushed to get the blanket and got out.

Now I wasn’t just suffocating, it hurt to breathe and tears spilled out of my eyes without my permission. I cleaned them off my face, and sat on the couch, turning the TV on as loud as I could so Harry wouldn’t hear me struggle to breathe.

I don’t know what I was expecting or why I had agreed to come. I had my answer: He was bored and ready to get rid of me.

Silly heart, don’t worry, it’ll get better. Someday. It had to. I could stop planning my big confession, there was no need for it.

Harry smelled fresh and clean when he got out of the room, and his perfume lingered in the air. I barely lifted my eyes to look at him, pretending to be too focused on the movie I had on. I didn’t know which one it was, but it was noisy, and that checked all of the boxes I needed right then.

“Don’t wait up,” Harry said on his way out, and I nodded. I was thankful for the numbness. “And Sof? You should eat something. Please.”

“I’m not hungry,” I said, looking up at him. He looked gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous. His hair was swept back, which didn’t mean much, cause as soon as it had the opportunity, it was going to fall over his forehead. There was a white shirt under the lace one, and I could see the wing of the sparrow. Harry nodded and pursed his lips, but said nothing, closing the door behind him as he left.

I wasn’t hungry.

I had confirmed I had lost him about a week ago, before the birthday party. I wasn’t stupid. Something had shifted between us. So, every day, after I got home, I told my mom I had already eaten, and got to my bedroom, staring at the wall while I hoped to sleep that night. Every time, I woke up in the middle of the night, after just a few hours, or even minutes of rest, with my mouth open and my heart racing, screaming internally, after I violently shifted in my bed. The nightmares were many, some of them about my past, and some about my future. In two weeks, I had only slept twice through the night, both when Harry was in my bed.

Tonight wasn’t going to be any different, so there was no point in trying.

****

@FionaB @harrystyles is the most charming man I’ve ever met!

He just asked me to join him for a drink and if I was staying in a nearby hotel!

@ThisisHanna For real? You’re so lucky!

@commonclown Wait, isn’t he dating @sofwelshdlr?

@FionaB @commonclown is he? He didn’t seem to remember, lol

@juliawhite @sofwelshdlr look at this!

@TracyB oh, please, girl, you’re lying 🤥

@brokendoll pics or it didn’t happen.

@FionaB @brokendoll of course I didn’t take pics! I was too busy flirting with Harry Styles!! 🤣

****

Harry got back at 1:46 in the morning and I pretended to be asleep when he checked on me. He turned the tv off, and took my phone out of my hands to put it on the coffee table, and rearranged the blanket around me, to tuck me in better. I could feel the beer and the vodka in his breath.

He went to his bedroom and closed the door.

****

I slept from around 4:35 to 6:07 am, when I sat on the couch and stared at the city. I had taken my shirt off, and was in a sports bra and a pair of black shorts, with fuzzy socks that didn’t match anything. I had a cup of coffee in my hands, black with sugar, and I enjoyed the warmth of it against my fingers. It felt nice.

“You do know coffee does not replace breakfast, right?” Harry asked, I turned to look at him, he was shirtless and wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, that hung a little too low on his hips. His hair was messy and his lips were pouty, still swollen from sleep.

“I’ve been told.”

“We should eat waffles and fried chicken,” he offered with a smile, serving himself a cup of coffee that I had left for him.

“I’m not…”

“Hungry, I know.” He said, too tired to have that conversation. I almost felt like apologizing. Harry sat on the couch, holding his cup of coffee as he looked at me. It wasn’t a lustful look or even a charming one. He was inspecting me. I looked awful, he shouldn’t do that. “Why are you up so early?”

“I wanted to talk to my mom before she started her shift at the hospital. She didn’t answer.”

“How is your family? Your mom, Cat, Sam?”

There was an edge in his voice as he mentioned Sam’s name, but I chose to let it go, shrugging my shoulders as I replied with a laconic “They’re fine.” I was too focused on the way he was looking at me, and I sat on the couch to stop him from staring at me any further.

“Can I go to rehearsals with you?” I asked, redirecting the conversation to a better place. I was hoping to spend the day with him, maybe even watch him eat the damn waffles and fried chicken.

“Yeah, I’d like that. And Kace wants to meet you, she wants to know if Chris Evans is a good kisser,” he said and I smiled brightly, like a child that had had her wish come true. So easy to please.

My phone buzzed right next to Harry, and he looked down at it as I went to pick it up. He probably noticed Sam’s name flashing on the screen. I jumped up on my feet and avoided Harry’s eyes as I answered the call, turning to the window to continue looking at the city.

“Hey, Sam,” I said.

“Hi, sorry to call you so early,” I heard him say. There was a nervous hint on his voice, too bright and smiley, even miles away. It made me nervous, heightened my senses as I waited for the blow. “Did I wake you up?”

“No.”

“The nightmares?”

“I didn’t let them come.”

“Oh, yes, that is a very sensible solution, not sleeping at all.”

“Sam…”

“I’m sorry,” he smiled. I could see him, blushing and looking down at the floor as he realized he was rambling. He always did so when he didn’t want to deliver bad news. “It’s just that...well, remember that man I told you about? The one that was lurking around your house?”

Fuck.

“Yes, I do.” My heart had already stopped, knowing what was to come.

“Well, it was your dad. He came last night, your mom opened the door.”

“Oh.” Fuck, fuck, fuck!

“Cat told me she paralyzed, Sof, I’m sorry. He told them that he was going to ask for Cat’s full custody. Your mom has been in her room ever since, and Cat asked me to come and spend the night, just in case.”

He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

“Ok,” I said in a calm voice, even though I was fully panicking inside. “So, what do you think?”

“That you need to move.”

“Ok, so we’ll look for a house when I get back. We can move as soon as we find one,” I told Sam. I was already running scenarios in my mind, picturing a fully armed guard posted by my door 24/7. Too harsh? Maybe. Unnecessary? I wasn’t sure. Electric wiring came to mind as well.

“Yes, that sounds like a great plan. And I’m really sorry, Sof.”

“Thank you, Sam, for everything,” I whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I hung up and sighed, inhaling deeply and closing my eyes for a second before I turned around. My family was safe, I was safe. Everything was ok.

I turned to look at Harry, who had gotten up from the couch and gone to stand by the little “kitchen” counter. One couldn’t cook in there, but there were a coffee machine and cups and little plates, and Harry’s cup was already on it. He was looking at me, with such visceral eyes that I shuddered.

“I was thinking…” he said. “Maybe it’s not a good idea for you to come to rehearsal.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. I didn’t have enough energy to even ask why. The air was too heavy and I could suddenly feel it weighing down my shoulders. I didn’t feel like being alone all morning. I needed Harry more than I had ever needed him before. “It’s ok. Can I still go to the concert? I was looking forward to seeing you perform.”

“Whatever you want,” Harry shrugged in response.

****

The venue was packed. I don’t know why that surprised me.

The room was vibrating with excitement, and joyful chatter and I bobbed my head to the sound of the music. Kacey was already on stage, and I could see her in a little monitor, looking gorgeous with her pink outfit. It was pretty much like a movie set, people running around and shouting while she performed as if everything was perfect.

Harry was getting ready, but he had barely acknowledged my presence since I got there, so it wasn’t like he was going to talk to me anyway.

Once Harry walked to the stage, I was supposed to sit in a VIP booth, secluded from the crowd, but visible enough so people would notice me.

I had considered the possibility of not coming. I had spent most of the day by myself, walking around the vicinity of the hotel, so I wouldn’t drive myself crazy. So I wouldn’t have to think about Harry, or my dad, or my mom, or the way that everything in my life seemed to be imploding.

I walked until my feet hurt and I knew that I was gonna be in pain the next day. The hours that I still had before the concert I burned playing with makeup I had bought and listening to heartbreak songs.

But even if I decided not to go, Diana would have never allowed me to. She knocked on my door when it was time and waited impatiently by my side as I finished putting my makeup on. I was taking my time, my lips were red and my eyes smoked out pink, cause tonight I didn’t feel like being discreet. I had put on a pair of black jeans, and a leather jacket, and a soft pink top, and my hair was in a loose braid that would not survive to the end of the night.

So, there I was, staring at Kacey Musgraves on a tiny monitor, while Harry ignored me.

“Harry, you’re up in 5!” Someone yelled and my heart raced at the idea of finally seeing him. I turned, smiling brightly despite myself, and walked to him to wish him luck.

He looked stunning. His black pants reached his waist and the open chest of his shirt accentuated his tan skin. I stopped, waiting for the crowd around him to dissipate, but that didn’t happen, because they dragged him out to the stage before I even got close.

Harry looked back, right before stepping out of the doors, and I smiled when our eyes met. Then, he was gone.

If the crowd was expecting Harry, they hid it well. The arena roared as soon as the lights went out and Harry came into the stage mid-song. The energy electrified the air and I got goosebumps, looking at him singing along with his Kacey. The crowd sang along with them, and I wished I knew the lyrics, smiling widely when he sang and waved at the crowd, and even laughed at his Yeeehaw scream. It lasted less than 5 minutes, but I was probably going to remember that night for the rest of my life.

It was the night when I finally accepted that I lost him, and the night where I had seen him shine as bright as only he could.

“Can I stay here?” I asked Diana, as I saw her getting ready to go backstage. “I want to see the rest of the concert.”

She narrowed her eyes and looked at me, licking her pink lips as she leaned closer so no one would hear her.

“Why? You don’t even like country music.”

She was right. I also didn’t like feeling small.

“Please.”

Diana nodded and got back to her spot, begrudgingly staying to enjoy the show. There was whiskey in her breath, which they kept offering us backstage, calling it Tennessee Whiskey with a wink on their faces. I had no idea what it meant. I had a couple of drinks anyway.

I didn’t leave until Kacey did, and I stayed behind while everyone in the room clapped for her. Harry was already wearing a white cotton shirt and he smiled sweetly at his friend and hugged her tightly, whispering words to her ear.

“Oh! So she’s the famous Sof!!” She exclaimed when I approached and she opened up her arms to me, smiling as she waited for my hug. “Jesus, the camera doesn’t make you justice.” She rubbed my back and pulled me close, and I hugged her back.

“It was a lovely concert,” I smiled when she let me go. “Thanks for having me.”

“It’s alright, Sugar, I couldn’t wait to meet you.” she looked at her friend and smiled mischievously. “Harry’s smitten.”

“Good,” I said, looking at Harry as I did. A small smile curled at the corner of his lips, gone so fast that I could have easily missed it if I blinked. “So am I.”

“Disgustingly cute. Are you coming to the party, babe?” She asked, already looking somewhere else, she was being called.

“I…”

“Sof’s tired, Kace, she can’t come,” Harry interrupted me and I looked at him with eyes wide with surprise. I was not, I was full of energy and I was hoping I would get to spend some time with Harry, even if it was just looking at him from afar. It took me a second to recover, to understand what was going on, and I smiled at Harry and Kacey, just as another piece of my heart broke.

“Oh, are you sure?” Kacey pouted.

“Yes, I uh, I spent the night reading new projects.”

“Oh, well, that’s the life of an artist for ya. You don’t mind if Harry comes for a little while, do ya?”

“Oh, no, please, have fun! I’ll just, I’m heading back to the hotel.”

“Next time you’re in Nashville, you and I will party until the sun rises the next day, promise?”

“Absolutely, as a matter of fact, we should schedule it right now!”

Kacey laughed and waved us away before she walked and made her way to a different group of friends.

“Can I say something before I leave?” I asked Harry, who was actively avoiding my eyes. I wondered how we must look, standing awkwardly by each other’s side while no one looked the other in the eyes. “I think you were fantastic. I liked the duet.”

“You did?”

“Yes! I hope I get to see you at a concert someday when this is all over. I’ll probably skip next tour, tho.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause, it will take me a while to get over you. But don’t worry, I’ll be ok.” A smile broke on my face, cause I knew I wasn’t lying. It might take me some time to lick my wounds, but I was gonna make it. I always did. And someday, I was gonna try again.

****

I texted Diana to let her know that I had gotten my own room and that I was going home on the first flight in the morning. I had already bought the tickets. I didn’t know if she was going to read it, because she was already dizzy and drunk when I left for the hotel, but I felt better letting her know. I also significantly decreased my chances of being murdered that night.

There was one perk of being famous: you could get things you usually wouldn’t. Like a fried chicken sandwich, with cheese and bacon, fries, and a chocolate milkshake with a cherry on top, when the kitchen was already closed. Even if you’re not going to eat it.

My new room was on a lower floor, so I didn’t have the same view Harry did, but I was still sitting by the window, with the TV as background, as I read a thriller book on my iPad. It was called The Last Mrs. Parrish, and maybe it was not the ideal book for my already sour mood, but I was in a rush to finish it, cause I had a hunch it would be a perfect drama series for me to become a producer. It was an idea that had started to run my mind in one of my sleepless nights, feverish, and fuzzy. This night was just as good as any to start shaping my idea up. I was supposed to spend 2 more days in Nashville, as Harry had a few meetings, and he wanted to see if he could visit some friends, so I was wondering if I should just stay, and finish the book there. But I had already booked my flight, 7 am the next day, and my poor heart was not up for anymore hurting.

There was a knock on the door and I was tempted to ignore it. I continued reading for a few more seconds, hoping that they went away. I was pretty damn comfortable and cozy under my blanket, and if I moved just an inch, I would never get back to being as comfy. There was a second knock, and I grunted, scrambling to get up and walk to the door to open it up.

It shouldn’t have surprised me when I saw Harry, leaning into the door frame with one hand, while the other was resting over his hips. He had just showered, his hair was still wet, and he was wearing a simple white shirt with grey sweatpants as if he had gotten ready to sleep when he remembered I was supposed to be sharing the room with him. I was about to close the door on him when I noticed two girls staring at us, trying to hide behind a large plant in a far corner. So I stepped to the side and allowed him in without saying a word.

“Diana told me you had asked for your room,” he said.

“I did,” I nodded. Harry followed as I made my way back to the window, and sat down on the floor, right next to me. I pulled the blanket over my legs and picked the iPad to prop it on my lap, as Harry picked one of the cold fries and bit into it. He made a sour face, before he put half of it back, and leaned over the plate to inspect the food. My heart raced as he picked up the orange bottle with the white cap, filled with white little pills. He looked at the label and then, turned to me with a deep frown etched between his eyebrows.

“Did you order this and didn’t eat it?” He asked, which was the safest question I could get.

“I ordered and then realized I didn’t want it.”

“Have you eaten something today?” Harry pressed.

“I ate something,” I shrugged. “And don’t worry, you don’t have to pretend you care anymore.”

“What are you talking about, Sof??”

“I’ve realized that I’ve been selfish,” I started, licking my lips as I tried to organize my thoughts and remember the words that I had practiced and repeated a billion times since I left the concert venue. “And that I should’ve let you end things that night at my place. So, I’m doing that, you’re released. And now, you don’t have to pretend you worry if I don’t eat.”

“Or if you take sleeping pills.”

“I bought that on my way to the hotel and then decided against it,” I explained despite myself. “But, no, you don’t have to worry about that either.”

Harry looked at me for what it felt like an eternity. There was a pang of sadness in his green eyes, and I had to restrain myself to not kiss his cheek and tell him that it’d be alright. He looked like a lost kid.

“I have a request,” I said, following the script I had set for myself. If Harry just followed it, it would be amazing.

“What?” He said, and I smiled at his unintentional good behavior.

“Can you wait for a little bit before you officially get back with your ex? I mean, publicly. I know it’s not fair, but I…I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Would you do the same?” Harry asked and I almost laughed.

“I’m not worth all the trouble I am, and I’m not getting in a PR relationship again, so…” I shrugged. Harry was too serious, looking at me with concern and sadness and I couldn’t bear it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Don’t say you’re not worth the trouble.”

“Jesus, I’m not,” I rolled my eyes, as Harry got closer and his fingers brushed over mine before he pulled them away. Maybe he remembered that we weren’t supposed to be doing anything like that. “Can I tell you a story?” I asked, and I put the iPad down to turn to him. This was not a part of my plan, but I wanted to tell him this, let him know what he meant to me before he went away.

“Please, so I don’t have to go to my room so soon.”

“Ok, so when I was little, my aunt Laura, she was my mom’s little sister and my favorite person in the entire world, she usually told me “don’t just settle for any man, love should be special” and stuff like that,” I was smiling at the memory, and I could see the little dimples on Harry’s cheeks as he looked at me. “She never got married and she couldn’t stand my dad, so she wasn’t allowed at my house. But she went anyway, it was our little secret. One day, my dad got home earlier and he found her there, so she took me to my room and went back down to talk to my mom and dad. Before she left, she told me to go to my special place.” There was so much I didn’t notice back then. So much I could’ve done. I could’ve screamed. I could’ve told.

“You had a special place?”

“It was my closet. My mom put pillows and a lantern in there, so I could read. I was supposed to be safe there,” I explained, rolling my lips into my teeth and inhaling deeply before I let out a big sigh. “So, that night, I hid in my special place, and I brought with me a pen and a pink notebook, ‘cause if love was supposed to be so special, well, I needed to fall in love with someone special, right?”

“Sure,” Harry smiled, nodding solemnly.

“So I started to draft my list of things a boy should be before I allowed myself to fall in love with him. I was obsessed with the movie Practical Magic, so of course, my special boy had to have a green and a blue eye, and stupid stuff like that. You think I’m crazy yet?”

“Not because of this, no,” Harry grinned and I rolled my eyes, laughing when I pushed him lightly. But he took my hand and pressed it to his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat under my fingertips. “Keep going,” Harry said.

“So, uhm…” Lost, I was lost. “So, I met Sam, and I knew as soon as I did that he was always going to see me as his little sister. So I added him to my ‘special boy’ list. So he had to be kind and always be there for me, and like soccer, but be really bad at it. And Cat had to like him, cause she followed Sam around as if he was made out of light and she was his little moth. And he had to...he had to protect me, he had to be willing to leave town on a rainy night, with my crying little sister on his backseat,” I shook my head as if that would chase the memories away, but no, nothing could ever do that. “So we moved to LA, and I met all of these guys and I was never even interested, ‘cause Sam was the one for me.” Harry squeezed my fingers softly and I looked at him, suddenly aware of how close he was, and how familiar his body felt next to mine. I had never told anyone any of this, and I wasn’t sure why I was telling him, but I kept going because I didn’t want him to go to his room.

“And then I met you, and that day in D’s office, my heart went ‘oh, fuck’,” I laughed. “And I was sure you were never going to say yes, but you did. And then you kissed, and I knew I was fucked, even when we were surrounded by cameras. When I heard about your ex, I knew you were never going to love me back, you were never going to be mine, but I still kept adding things to my list: the boy has to make me go to bed with a smile, and hold me tight when I have nightmares. And the butterflies, man I really love those fucking butterflies... And he has to be a little bit smug and cocky, just because he knows who he is and what he has to offer, and he has to make me just a little bit dizzy when he looks at me.” I found myself smiling at nothing, and I slowly came back to reality, looking at Harry and clearing my throat as I did so. “So, yes, I’ll just have to wait a little longer and I’m sure I’ll just keep adding things to that list...but, someday…”

Harry kissed me before I could even realize what was going on. I gasped sharply into the kiss and scrunched my eyes closed as I shifted to him, getting to my knees to straddle him, and push him back against the couch. Harry smiled at my sudden enthusiasm, and he let his hands fall to my hips and his fingertips dig on the meaty curves of my ass when I sat on his lap. I took the opportunity to push my fingers into the wet ends of his hair, and tilt my head so we could deepen the kiss, and his tongue swept across my bottom lip before he did as I wished.

“You were fantastic in the show,” I whispered as we broke the kiss apart, and I pressed my forehead to his. Harry chuckled and the warm puffs of his breath made my skin fill with little goosebumps.

“I couldn’t stop looking at you, Sof.”

“Then why didn’t you let me come to the party?”

“‘Cuz I was scared, and really fucking angry at you, at myself.”

I kissed him, softly and slowly, little kisses pressed to his lips as he smiled so much that he forgot to kiss me back for a moment. But when he did, he kissed me hard, parting my lips to play with my tongue. His hands spread over my ass, pushing me closer to his bulge. I hummed at the feeling and kissed him with just as much urgency. My body came alive with his touch, a fire that traveled from the tip of my head to my toes. Everything felt heightened, the way he brushed his fingertips under my shirt, and the little kisses he trailed over my jawline and down to my neck. I could feel the bit of stubble on his face and the curling pressure of his fingers as he tried to close the little space between us.

“Get up,” Harry whispered against my lips.

“Are you leaving?”

“No, baby,” Harry replied, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. “I just want us to go to the room, is that ok with you?”

I nodded, ‘cause there was nothing better I could imagine, even if I tried, even if my mind weren’t all fogged up and fiery.

Although, the couch would’ve worked too.

Harry didn’t let me think. He helped me up on my feet and took my hand in his to guide me to the room. The butterflies fluttered tightly in my tummy and my heart seemed ready to send out the fireworks.

“We can just kiss,” Harry smiled and I had to wonder if he could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

The corner of his lips got trapped between his lips and he looked at me. Sadness was long gone and now something like happiness danced in his green eyes, which made the butterflies stop for a second and go Eeeep. I felt like I had forgotten what it was like to look at him and wait for his touch and it was all coming back in crashing waves.

When we kissed, I let him know how much I missed him and needed him, how afraid I was to lose him. I let him guide us, soft and slow at the start, as we both tried to memorize the taste of our kiss. Harry licked my lips and let himself get lost in me, with his arm looped around my waist while the other was pressed to the back of my neck. His kiss was maddening, making me feel like I was the only thing he could think of at that very moment. My whole body itched to have him.

Harry seemed to get it, cause he allowed his fingers to travel under my shirt, pushing the fabric up until we had to break the kiss so he could take it off. I was braless already, and I held my breath as Harry stared at me as if it was the very first time he saw me like this. My fingers trembled as I hooked them around the waistband of my jammies, but I stopped as Harry shook his head and smiled.

“Lemme see you, baby. Turn around and push them down.”

“You’ve been watching a lot of porn, haven’t you?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” he admitted shamelessly. “So, let me sit, so I can see you, yeah?”

I watched him sit on the bed and his hand go to his crotch, as he palmed himself over the gray fabric of his sweatpants. The sight made a rush of adrenaline run down from my lower to my legs and a pulsing pressure settled between my thighs. I did as he asked me to, and turned around to allow him to see as I slowly bent down and pushed my jammies down my hips and my legs until I reached my ankles.

“Fuck,” I gasped at the cold feeling of Harry’s tongue on my center. He was sloppy as he trapped my clit between his lips and his fingers dug on my asscheeks to spread me apart. “Fuck.”

A blissful wave rolled down my tummy, and I shifted on my feet just slightly, to allow Harry to let his tongue run down my slit and lap around my center. The tip of his tongue slid between my folds, barely pushing in before he went back to play with my clit, sucking and lapping on it as if I was a fucking delicious ice cream and he was decided to devour me. I could feel his warm breath, fanning over my slick pussy and making me shiver and laugh breathlessly, the unexpected touch already pushing me to a delicious edge.

I didn’t know what to do, where to put my hands or if I could rock my hips as I wanted to, so I dug my nails on the palm of my hand, and my breath heaved as Harry continued to work to drive me crazy.

“C’mere, baby,” Harry commanded as he stopped, and I almost wanted to tell him to get back on his knees and finish me off, but I turned to look at him, just like he had said, and saw his glistening lips as he smiled at me. If I let my eyes travel down I could see his hard cock in all of its glory, and his fingers pressing up to it to tease himself.

“Can I suck you off?” I asked, but Harry shook his head no, and sat down on the bed, on the same spot I had left him just a couple of minutes ago. I went to him, taking short and slow steps so he could see my every move, and stood between his legs as I helped him take his shirt off. My hands pressed to his shoulders and I pushed him down to the bed, straddling him so he couldn’t even think about going anywhere.

I wanted to trace every tattoo on his body with my lips. I started on his collarbones, trailing tiny little kisses and licking his soft skin, I made my way down his body. I kissed the sparrows and the butterfly and I hummed as I reached the ferns, my fingers curling up the waistband of his sweatpants to push it off.

Harry propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me as I took the remaining of his clothes off. I was clumsy and laughed shyly, but he didn’t seem to mind, his eyes followed my every move, even when my hand wrapped around his cock, and I climbed on the bed to start sucking him off. I just wanted his taste in my mouth, to hear the little gasp of pleasure he let out when I dropped a ball of spit on his cock, and spread it over with quick, tight movements. I just wanted to see his tummy quiver when my tongue ran over his swollen tip and licked the salty beads of precum that spilled on it and as I sucked it sloppily, just like he liked him.

Harry laughed, but it was delirious, blissful. His head tipped back and he grunted out a moan that echoed down my body and rose little goosebumps on my skin. It was all I wanted, to make him feel good.

“Sof,” he breathed. “Come sit on my face.”

I popped his cock out of my mouth and looked at him, smiling mischievously as I lapped my tongue over his tip one last time. There was lust in his eyes, full and pure, the usual bright green had disappeared, and they were as dark as they could be.

“You like ordering me around, don’t you?” I asked him, but I was already making my way to him because just the thought of his tongue on me made my stomach tighten.

“And you’re usually such a good girl, baby. Come and spit on your hand so you can play with my cock.”

I straddled Harry’s face, and sat back down carefully, shivering when I felt Harry’s tongue flick over my clit. I was still pretty sensitive from before, so it was pretty damn easy for him to get a moan out of me. His hands were on each of my thighs, pulling me closer to his face as he licked and sucked and played with my swollen clit. I was drenched, so fucking wet it was ridiculous, and Harry smiled when I tangled my fingers in his hair, so I had something to hold on to as I rolled my hips.

It took me a moment to remember that I was supposed to play with his cock. I leaned my body back and grabbed him with trembling fingers as Harry held me by my thighs. Harry grunted as I did, and bucked his hips up as I started to pump him. This new position made him go deeper and faster, and his tongue slid down my slit until it reached my center and thrust it in once and again.

Each of Harry’s moans added to the fire that had settled in my tummy, and it was becoming harder to keep up, to sit straight and not give up to the pleasure that was pushing down to take over my body. He didn’t seem to notice, though. His tongue swirled around my needy clit and I felt like my whole body was burning.

“You’re fucking dripping,” Harry whispered, placing a kiss on my thigh to let me take a break.

“Please, don’t stop, please…

My walls were clenching around his tongue as soon as he started again, and I pulled his hair between my fingers, my only anchor to reality at that very moment. It wasn’t enough, cause soon I was grinding my hips on his face, losing control over myself as the world around me became blurry. He trapped my clit between his lips and sucked on it lightly, sending me over the edge of bliss as his name escaped my lips like a prayer.

I was exhausted and shaky when I fell on the bed, and my peripheral vision had become fuzzy. When Harry’s weight pressed down to my body, I laughed, shifting down to feel him better against myself.

“You’re ok?” He asked me but I didn’t answer. I kissed him instead, hungrily and needy, with my tongue lapping around his mouth and tasting myself on it. I licked his lips and sucked on the tip of his tongue and moaned when he sank his teeth on my bottom lip and pulled on it.

My walls were still clenched and my stomach quivered as my high kept rolling in.

“I’ve never been better,” I smiled as I laid back down, which Harry took as an opportunity to kiss down my jaw and trail his kisses down my neck and my collarbones. He reached my chest and his tongue felt cold against my clammy skin and I shivered when he licked my nipple and sucked and nibbled it lightly.

But as I calmed down, I realized it wasn’t enough. I wanted it all, I was craving it. My legs hooked around his hips and I pulled him closer to me. I could feel his cock dragging up and down my slit, gliding between my folds as we both started to grind our hips. I was so wet that it was easy to coat him with my juices, and when he twitched, his little grunt echoed in the air.

“Fuck me,” I begged, just as I had done before, but this time, I was gonna get my wish.

“Ask nicely,” He grinned, and suddenly, his hips came to a stop, and I moaned, more in despair and need than anything else.

“Please, fuck me,”

It was delirious. Fucking delicious. His swollen tip burned lightly as he aligned himself to my entrance and he let it slide in, just barely, enough to open me up and make me bunch the fabric of the sheets between my fingers. His cock felt bigger and thicker than his fingers or his fingers or his tongue, and I clenched my walls around it, reacting to the foreign feeling, and trapping him there.

“Fuck, Sof,” He moaned. My senses were heightened and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, even if I wanted to. I watched him as he let a ball of spit fall down to my pussy and gasped at the feeling of his fingers rubbing it on my clit.

“God…” I gasped. As I adjusted to him, Harry thrust a little harder, until he was all in and my walls stretched around his cock to mold to it.

We kissed again, this time a little more feverishly, and my hands pressed to his back, feeling his muscles work as he rocked his hips. I was aware of every inch of his cock as he thrust it slowly, and I didn’t know what to do with myself, hiding my face onto the crook of his neck and pressing sloppy kisses to his skin as he fucked me.

“You feel so fucking good, Sof,” Harry whispered to my ear and the butterflies fluttered freely and wildly in my stomach. I forgot about everything that wasn’t him. My moans were strangled and shy, and my walls clenched around his cock with every new thrust. Harry went faster and deeper and I could feel him in my stomach if that was even possible. His eyes were closed, and the cold metal of his cross dragged up my skin with every new roll of his hips.

“Kiss me, would ya?” I said, and that was enough to make him kiss me, sloppily and deeply, with every moan of his dying on my lips. My fingers tangled in his hair and I pulled on it, just to get a reaction out of him. His breath heaved and his hands went to my hips, to push me down and closer as went just a little rougher.

It was too much, the weight of his body on top of mine, his kisses, the way his cock pushed between my walls, the fire that spread down all over my body. I felt blissful, aware of every inch of my body for the first time ever. I could get addicted to it.

He was closer than he would like to admit, I could feel it in the way he scrunched his eyes closed and how he struggled to breathe. It was a shame that I wasn’t too sure of what to do to push him over the edge, but I tightened the grip of my legs around his hips and clenched my walls with every new thrust. He seemed to like it, cause he pinned me down to the bed, and groaned between his rough thrust, just as the muscles of his tummy and legs stiffened and he let out a warm laugh, that mixed with the quivers that rolled on his stomach.

“Fuck,” I heard him say, but I was too focused on the warmth that was filling me up, the juices that were dripping down his twitching cock as I tightened my walls around him. I laughed too, kissing him fully and deeply, as I brushed my fingertips down his spine. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispered against my lips, making me feel giddy all over.

“You should’ve told me what I was missing,” I laughed.

“Wanna go again? Maybe a couple more times?”

“How many?”

“Like 5?”

“I don’t think I can handle that, baby. We need to build up to it.”

“It’s alright, we have time.”

#harry styles #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles writing #harry writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles one shot #writing #hs #hiiii #this is very very long #and i'm so sorry #if you're up to read it let me know what you think!

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