#It’s mostly about chainsaws and Vietnam

[absinthefog]

An underrated duo

[outsidersheadcanons]

I saw someone say that Ponyboy would be Jinx (from Netfix’s arcane show) and I’d like to propose this to any future writers (because I know this fandom LOVES angst and is allergic to the word “joy”)

Incase you don’t know, Jinx is a character originally from the Video Game League of Legends, and she ended up in the Arcane show on Netflix. Another thing, is that Jinx has lost basically everything. In the show, we learn that she accidentally caused the deaths of her Father figure, two brother figures, and was “abandoned” by her sister Vi.

Now imagine Ponyboy, hearing about Steve and Sodapop dying in action in vietnam, or Two-Bit’s alcoholism finally killing him in the worst way possible, and of course Darry dies in a work accident just trying to provide for his mentally-spiraling brother.

He just looses it.

Nowadays in Tulsa, Socs and Greasers alike are mostly hiding at night. Why? Because theres a 15 year-old kid with a Chainsaw, a Gun, and a Dagger with nothing else to his name except the names of the people he’s killed so far. Police have tried to stop him and arrest him, but Ponyboy’s learned so much from his experience in life that Bullets no longer hurt him.

Bullets are just another nuisance to his plan: To inact his revenge on the world that fucked him over so many times.

man you ARE allergic to joy 😭

(but if anyone writes this??? pls let me know. this is absolutely devastating and I will read it)

[whooambouttamakeanameformyself]

MASTER LIST

This is a list of all of the characters I'll write for! Everything I write has a gender neutral reader (unless it's smut or a request with a specific gender. If I'm writing smut I try to mix it up a little :3)

(Hi! Author here! I rearranged the master list so it's more organized!)

The Riddler/Edward Nashton (The Batman 2022)

Bruce Wayne/ The Batman (The Batman 2022)

The Penguin (Gotham)

The Riddler/Edward Nygma (Gotham)

Don Sal Maroni (Gotham)

Victor Zsasz (Gotham)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ford Pines (Gravity Falls)

Stan Pines (Gravity Falls)

~~~~~~~~~~

Billy Butcherson (Hocus Pocus)

~~~~~~~~~~

(Supernatural)

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Fergus Macleod/ Crowley

Castiel

Gabriel

Bobby Singer.

~~~~~~~~~~~

(Horror Characters)

Thomas Hewitt (Leatherface)

Bubba Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1 and 2)

Nubbins Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1)

Chop-Top Sawyer (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2) (Before, during, and after Vietnam.)

Otis Driftwood (House Of 1000 Corpses)

Rufus Junior 'RJ' Firefly (House Of 1000 Corpses)

Captain Spaulding (House Of 1000 Corpses)

Baby Firefly (House Of 1000 Corpses)

Michael Myers (any of the Halloween movies)

Lester Sinclair (House Of Wax)

Vincent Sinclair (House Of Wax)

~~~~~~~~~~

Lefou (Beauty and the beast 2017)

~~~~~~~~~~

Sweeney Todd

~~~~~~~~~~~

Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo

~~~~~~~~~~~

Javier Escuella (RDR2)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock)

John Watson (Sherlock)

~~~~~~~~~~~

King Dice (Cuphead)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruno Madrigal (Encanto)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)

Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things)

Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)

Dr. Alexei "Smirnoff"

(Stranger Things)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Gru (Despicable me.)

(Don't ask about the Gru one, I've seen some people write for him.)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Mad Hatter (Disney's Alice in Wonderland live action)

~~~~~~~~~~

Anthony J. Crowley (Good Omens)

Aziraphale (Good Omens)

~~~~~~~~~~~

- The Penguins of Madagascar-

(I mostly write them as humans but they will be Penguins if the reader is also an animal)

Rico -human- (Penguins of Madagascar)

Private -human- (Penguins of Madagascar)

Skipper -human- (Penguins of Madagascar)

Kowalski -human- (Penguins of Madagascar)

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

~~~~~~~~~~~

-the hobbit-

Bilbo Baggins

Kili Durin

Fili Durin

Thorin Oakenshield

~~~~~~~~~~~

-Creepypasta-

(Yes, I know, I'm writing for mostly cringe, almost dead fandoms, let me live my life.)

Masky

Hoodie

Ticci Toby

Slenderman?

And most of the others If they are adult age or aged up.

~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE #1 (Made on 7/7/22)

Added:

Bruno Madrigal

Eddie Munson

Gru

Jack Sparrow

The Mad Hatter

~~~~~~

UPDATE #2: made on (8/28/22)

Added:

Billy Hargrove

Steve Harrington

~~~~~~~

UPDATE #3: made on

(9/19/22)

Added:

Dr. Alexei "Smirnoff"

~~~~~~~

UPDATE #4: made on (10/2/22)

Added:

Anthony J. Crowley

Aziraphale

The Tenth Doctor

~~~~~~~~~

(UPDATE #5: made on (10/16/22)

Added:

Billy Butcherson

~~~~~~~

UPDATE #6: made on (12/14/22)

Added:

The Penguins of Madagascar (humans)

Rico

Private

Skipper

And Kowalski.

~~~~~~~

UPDATE #7: made on (12/29/22)

Added:

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)

A lot of these are some I haven't found a lot of content for so I decided to write some :) also I realize a lot of these aren't characters with a big fan base but I like them ^_^

~~~~~~~

UPDATE #8: made on (8/13/23)

Organized the masterlist and added the horror movie characters.

(A/N: my Ask box is open! Please feel free to request!)

[revchainsaw]

Stephen King's Graveyard Shift (1990)

Blessings upon you congregants from your dear Reverend my beloved Cult of Cult! Gather round a receive today's message as hear a word from the writings of Saint Stephen! I have a bit of inside baseball to share with you today, and that is that I love the fact that Hulu curates a list from your watchlist that lets you know what films have been sitting queued up unattended. You know those movies that you kind a want to see and you keep saying "i'll get around to that" right before you binge King of the Hill for the 90th time? Well Graveyard Shift was one of those movies for me, in fact, I frequently decide what films to cover based on what is about to disappear. In many cases the films I sit through are not very engaging or surprising. I think to myself, yeah, this is about what I thought it would be, no wonder I chose not to engage. Graveyard Shift, however, was actually quite a wonderful surprise.

Sermon

Graveyard Shift begins at the overnight shift of a rat infested textile mill. The employee working the machinery has been so severely pushed to the brink by engaging with the little invaders that he begins to toy with them and sets a very tragic precedent for the film by gleefully tossing living rats into the cotton picker. We get some shots of a blood and viscera mixed into the cotton before this son of a bitch is offed by an off screen force. I'm not gonna hold out on spoilers here for you folks, the movies 30 years old and it's a giant mutant bat.

Our hero Hall, a drifter with a tragic past, blows into town and is quickly hired by Warwick, the womanizing and half insane owner of the textile mill. Warwick has an awful habit of giving easy work to the women in his mill who provide him with sexual favors, while punishing those who don't with the most filthy and strenuous work he can find. This abuse also extends to any of his male employees who he sees as competition for their attention. This is why when Hall begins a relationship with Jane, an independent type who has repeatedly told Warwick to back off, they are soon destined to land on the sub basement cleaning project that brings them into contact with our nocturnal beast.

As this plot unfolds Warwick and Hall become increasingly at odds. Hall at this point has been substantially assigned to contend with the hordes of rats in the basement, playing games and almost training them in a way to leave him be. Eventually the time comes for the much feared cleaning of the basement levels of the mill, and our three main characters as well as a slew of murder lambs descend to their doom.

These poor blue collar folk are accosted by rats, floods, collapsing architecture, the Mutant Bat Mama and Warwick himself descends into madness, killing Jane, before he himself is eventually caught in the leathery wings of the blood thirsty beast. This leaves Hall alone to fight the monster. The battle for survival between Hall and the Bat works its way back up to the Mill where Hall uses the cotton picker and ingest the creature in a bloody cottony mess the likes of which I haven't seen since a 13 year old Chainsaw tried to teach himself to shave.

The Benediction

Best Character: Who's the Boss?

Sometimes with certain characters there's a certain intangible something or other that draws a viewer to them. In the case of Warwick it must have been the pure charisma of actor Stephen Macht. He was definitely not the best actor in this film, it was very clearly a phoned in role with some questionable choices, like I don't get what that accent was about. The character was a sleazy heel and I was absolutely satisfied when he was killed. He provided a very realistic menace despite the utter cornball portrayal. This is truly what they mean when they talk about characters you love to hate. Fuck You Warwick, you magnificent bastard. I'm glad you were eaten by that giant bat.

Best Actor: Chucky's Cheesin' It!

Brad Dourif is perhaps the only actor in this movie who was memorable. It's always great to see Dourif outside of the chucky role. He's always bringing his best stuff and although I didn't mention him in this review, Dourif plays an absolutely demented Vietnam Vet/ Exterminator with his little rat catching dog Moxie in this movie. Whenever I think about Graveyard Shift I think about Warwick, Brad Dourif, and the Bat!

Best Kill: Nana nana nana nana BatMess!

Unfortunately for Graveyard Shift most of the deaths that occur are incredibly tame. It's a creature feature that mostly plays like a Who Dunnit. Its honestly the weakest feature of the film. In fact I'm going to call it right here. (Worst Feature: Genre Confusion). In a film that fundamentally does little more than 'Giant Bat Eats Mill Workers in Mild Criticism of Capitalist Exploitation', I'd like to see some people getting absolutely wrecked by this bat. That doesn't really happen. Most of the kills are off screen, or obscured by big leathery wings. The bat looks pretty damn cool, and when it is chewed up by the Cotton Picker it's about the most gore and effects you get in the film. It's a shame that it is the monsters undoing rather than the monsters doing that really shows off the effects. C'est La Vie!

Worst Kill: Rats Off to You!

In the opening scene that fucker is throwing rats into the cotton picker just for being rats. I know there's a ton of them, but it's such a mean spirited bull shit way of eliminating rats. Rat Terrorism is bullshit and I'm against it. Fuck you you weird rat killing guy, Let Brad Dourif do his thing and stop picking the rats up by their tales you asshole.

Summary

Graveyard Shift was a disappointment to Stephen King, who called it just another "quick exploitation picture" and you know what, that's all it had to be to make me happy. Graveyard shift has a cool looking bat creature, that is unfortunately underused. A quick and engaging little story that doesn't try too hard to be too deep, and I know that was probably a huge temptation with the themes of the story. The characters that are notable are over the top and interesting, and those that aren't are the perfect murder lambs, they are just unique enough to differentiate and keep the action moving. It's by far not one of the greatest films you'll ever see. It's a creature feature that doesn't do enough to feature it's creature. It's effects are good when they are shown, and I'm so happy it was made in an era where we didn't get bombarded with weightless grey blobs of CGI rats everywhere. It's exactly what the doctor ordered for a low stakes night in with some pop corn and a coke. Don't let the haters stop you, definitely give Graveyard Shift a shot.

Overall Grade: C

[dritacircle]

Ramones greatest hits

#Ramones greatest hits movie

But it did churn out a couple gems, including this one, a near-perfect combo on nostalgia and jittery teenage energy. Spector didn’t quite get them, and the album turned out pretty limp. Well, it didn’t really work out that way. How could it miss? Every song would chart and they’d finally reap the rewards of their efforts. It was their big rock star move – record an album of should-be pop hits with Phil Spector, architect of the “Wall of Sound”, arguably the most important pop producer of the 60’s. End of the Century was supposed to achieve that. They wanted to be rich, or at least make enough money to afford a big enough bus to hold all of their egos comfortably. Do You Remember Rock N’ Roll Radio? (1980)ĭespite their punk heritage, the Ramones didn’t like being poor. Might be the snottiest thing they’ve ever done, which is saying something.Ħ. But Warthog was a happy accident, a fun little bone-cruncher of a tune that sounds like a particularly scathing satire of ’77 era punk. They didn’t even understand the concept, really. Too Tough To Die was the result and it’s not very good because the Ramones weren’t hardcore. Not everybody thought so at the time – it was nominated for a Razzie for worst soundtrack song in ’89 – but it fits in perfectly with the band’s best 70’s stuff.įor some dumb reason, in 1984 the Ramones thought it would be a good idea to make a hardcore album.

#Ramones greatest hits movie

The Ramones loved King’s books and were all dyed-in-the-wool horror/kitsch/trash movie and culture fans, so it was the perfect marriage of sound and vision. What, we were supposed to let fucking Dokken keep writing slasher movie themes? The film was based on a Stephen King novel, and he was an unabashed fan of the brudders. Pet Semetary is a goofy clunker of a horror flick, but the Ramones surprise inclusion on the soundtrack not only served as a much-needed reminder that the band was still alive and well, but re-routed horror fans back to the punk/garage genre that embraced all things creepy throughout the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. A great homage to their 60’s roots and one of the many highlights of 1978’s Road to Ruin. Everybody’s got a fave version – Cher’s is amazing, incidentally – but the Ramones may have captured the awkward teenage longing better than just about anybody. It has been covered many times over the years by everyone from Tom Petty to Stevie Nicks. Not a Ramones original, Needles and Pins is a chewy wad of bubblegum originally (co-)written by Sonny Bono in 1963 and first recorded by Jackie DeShannon a year later. Mostly it’s a jumble of jumpy, paranoid thoughts set to John’s chainsaw riff, but the “rules” count-off is so catchy and so fun to recite – “Fourth rule is… eat kosher salami!” – that it’s gotta make any top-10 Ramones list. Who knows what it was really about? Dee Dee wrote it and he grew up in Germany, so he probably thought about fascism a lot, especially with a bowl-cut tyrant like Johnny Ramone at the helm, and anybody growing up in the 70’s certainly contended with the Vietnam conflict and its aftermath. From Ramones’ second album, 1977’s Leave Home.

[misswilma]

four.

author’s note:

deviantart | wattpad                                                                                 19.04.2018 1.2k words

— what happened to dexter morgan that made him a serial killer?

A happy childhood ended in tragedy, to create two boys who would grow up to be serial killers. ... His now adoptive sister Debra asks their father why he never told them what happened to Dexter's real parents, something Dexter looks to his father about for answers as he knew they died but didn't know the true facts behind it … [Dexter Wiki]

     PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST famous fictional serial killers in modern history is Dexter Morgan, from the American tv-series Dexter. With over one-hundred victims spanning over the course of twenty years, he is one of the most successful killers. An important question is why he became a serial killer in the first place.

childhood: from a happy childhood to a traumatic memory When Dexter Morgan was still a toddler he witnessed the murder of his mother. This was the starting point of what was going to happened to him in the future. Before his mother's murder, however, he enjoyed a relatively normal childhood. He was born as Dexter Moser on 1 February 1971 to Laura Moser and Joseph Driscoll. He had an older brother, Brian, who he lived with together with their mother on 1235 Mangrove Drive, Miami, Florida. 

Dexter would later state his earliest memory was his time spent at his mother's house, playing hide-and-seek around the house together with his mother and brother. As a child, he was energetic, happy, who always seemed to be laughing. In contrast, Brian was more quiet, more reserved, but he showed strong affection for his "baby brother" often holding him in his arms, as of protecting him from an unknown force. This type of childhood would continue, for instance, after Dexter hurt himself while riding a skateboard, Brian comforted him with putting a band-aid on his scraped knee.

It was not always great, however. Laura Moser was a drug addict, likely stemming from her boyfriend, Joe Driscoll, returning from the Vietnam War, starting his drug problem just after. It would never affect her relationship and love for her sons, but it would put her to risk with law enforcement. Eventually, she would meet Detective Harrison "Harry" Morgan, leading to her being his informant in the Estrada cartel. Laura would provide information that would help bring down the kingpin. She was, in the beginning, worried that it could be a risk to both her sons and herself if she excepted, but Harry assured her that nothing dangerous would happen.

Seemingly, Harry Morgan could not be more wrong. On 3 October 1973, Laura, her sons and other drug users were hurdled into a shipper container, by Estrada's henchmen. While the unnamed drug users become victims to a chainsaw, used by Santos Jimenez, Laura did not want her sons to see her be slain right in front of their eyes. The henchmen did not comply with her begging. As a last resort, she turned to Dexter and told him: "Close your eyes […] Mommy loves you" before she was murdered. 

The three henchmen managed to exit the area, while Dexter and Brian sat there for two days before the first human opened the container door, Detective Harry Morgan. He eventually spotted the two boys, holding each other by hand. Harry only picked up Dexter, and as the boys were separated from each other they tried to hold on to one another, eventually slipping away. Harry looked into Brian's eyes and saw, what Brian himself would say, "a fucked up kid" and left the container. 

Brian was recovered immediately after Harry told the other officers, however, he held onto Dexter, reassuring to the little boy that everything would be alright. As he walked to his car, Dexter looked upon the crime scene without any emotion, a look of a boy who had changed. 

adolescence: new family, new memories, new personality Dexter was taken in by the Morgan family at the age of three, but he was not formally adopted until the age of seven. When he was shown the birth certificate, Dexter looked confused, saying that he always thought he was a Morgan. Harry responded that to them he was always one, the difference was that it was now official. 

Because of what he has gone through; the loss of his biological mother in a massacre and sitting in her blood for about to days, it is bound to have side effects. Which it did, but the effects did not become evident until his adolescence. The first sign, that at least Harry saw that something was wrong, was the time Dexter had killed a neighbour's dog. Dexter's reason for killing the dog and later burying the body was because it was a "noisy little creep" and that it disturbed his ill mother's sleep. Harry then asks if he ever wanted to kill something bigger, like a human. Dexter answers that yes, he wanted to, just no specific person, but he never did it because he was scared they – his parents – would not like it. Harry from this point in time wanted to shield and help Dexter from killing someone. 

After this is where the special code comes in; the Code of Harry. Fearing that someone was psychologically wrong with Dexter, Harry sought help from Dr Evelyn Vogel, a neuropsychiatrist who specialises in profiling psychopaths. After evaluating the stories Harry had told, she not only diagnosed Dexter with the classic traits of a psychopath – the killing of small animals and shallow emotions – but that he had the traits of a will-become killer. 

Dr Vogel, recognising that it would be impossible to control all his urges, instead suggested that they could try to control specific ones. Originally, the idea was to control his urges to kill animals, only for them to realise that the killing of animals would not be enough to satisfy Dexter. Thus the Code was created. Harry handled the majority of the details, Dr Vogel created the guidance. 

Harry, from the guidance of the Code, trained his son to be normal during his adolescent years, helping him blend into society as well as he could. One of these aspects was the capability of feeling and showing emotion, which Dexter was incapable of doing. An incident that was really important was at the beach. A photo was being taken, a family photo of the Morgans. it is a warm, sunny day, everyone is smiling, except Dexter. Harry catches onto this, and he asked Dexter what is bothering him. His answer is that he does not like the beach, refusing to smile because of the slimy, nasty, sandy feeling. Harry explains that he has to deal with it, not just to make his mother happy, but to also blend in. Dexter nods in understanding, going back to his family, taking the photograph of his first successful "fake" smile. 

early adulthood: his first human victim During his first years as an adult, his father had fallen ill of coronary artery disease. Harry was for a time confined to a hospital bed. During Harry's time there, Dexter spotted a nurse named Mary. He noticed that something was off about her. She murdered her patients by slowly overdosing them on morphine, delusional with thinking she was helping them by "taking their pain away." 

As Harry was one of her patients, he gave Dexter his permission to kill her, in order to stop her from killing anybody else. He waited inside Mary's house to strike. His method would be mostly the same one he used in his later murders, such as covering everything in sheets of plastic and strapping the victim to a long and flat surface. While Mary did put up a fight, he managed to strap her down and stab her to death, to later dispose of her remains in the Everglades swamp. This was Dexter's first murder.

REFERENCES.

"What happened to Dexter Morgan that made him a serial killer? - Google Search", Google Search.

WEBSITES

"Dexter Morgan/Early Life | Dexter Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia", Dexter Wiki. (retrieved: 14.04.2018)

"Mary | Dexter Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia", Dexter Wiki. (retrieved: 14.04.2018)

"The Code of Harry | Dexter Wiki | FANDOM powered by Wikia", Dexter Wiki. (retrieved: 14.04.2018)

[chocolatemicenwhiskey]

About Me: Childhood Trauma

I’ve noticed that a lot of youtube channels are making lists on what scared them as kids. Seeing as I lack the proper charisma and equipment to make youtube videos, I thought I’d post something here.

Naturally this is just my opinion and I’m sure many of you will laugh, but I was a very strange child. With that said, let’s begin.

10.) Hansel and Gretel/There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly…

These two are both number 10 on my list strictly to being the strongest memory of absolutely fucking my shit up. Hansel and Gretel mostly because it was an introduction to cannibalism for kids and dealt with abusive parents, but LOLWSF terrified me for reasons I never understood. Even now, 25 years later I’m still not sure just what about this freaked me out so much. Maybe it unnerved me over the fact this bitch died at the end. Maybe it was my literal mindness not comprehending that it was just a story. I honestly have no idea.

9.) MOTEL HELL (1980)

I saw a mere preview for this on tv once probably 20 years ago and I remember sleeping on the couch for a solid month. I just remember the dude with a pig’s head and wielding a chainsaw. Kinda want that bastard to take on Leatherface just to see how’d it go down.

8.) Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Thirteenth Floor

Unlike most people who claim Deadman’s Float is the scariest, I disagree. Granted I didn’t see that episode until just a few years ago, so Thirteenth Floor is the one I remember scaring me. The constant feeling that something’s not right and then that ending. Brrr… *shudders*

7.) Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction

Not the entire show itself, which I fucking adore to this day as it’s a show I remember my mom, dad and I sitting down to watch and having the time of our lives trying to figure out which were true. But certain segments terrified me due to one particular detail: they involved mirrors.

I do not like mirrors. They unnerve me and I’m convinced one day something is gonna break through and eat me or something.

Anyway, two segments in question are The Mirror of Truth in which a vain woman is cursed to “have her beauty match her soul” and her appearance deforms every time she sees her reflection, that is some Dorian Grey levels of fucked up.

The second is The Apparition. I’m freaking out just thinking about it, go look it up on youtube, fuck this shit.

6.) Zork Nemesis: Grey Mountains Asylum

Who let me play this game? Seriously, how did we even come to own this game? Occultism and alchemy, murder, ghosts and surreal settings. I still love it to bits, of course but the first time I got to the Asylum level, I didn’t play for a week. And the Sacred Notes puzzle in the Frigid River Conservatory area still kicks my ass because my spatial reasoning sucks. This game and Zork Grand Inquisitor need to be re-released, I would buy the shit out of them.

5.) Veggietales

Okay, laugh it up folks. While the show is charming and full of good morals that even a nonreligious person like myself can agree with, something about this show unnerved me and still does to a lesser degree. They don’t have hands! How can they pick up things with no hands or arms?! Is the the Power of God or something causing this? Why?!

4.) The Twilight Zone: Thirty-Fathom Grave

One of my fondest memories is coming home from school and my grandfather and I would turn on SyFy and watch a few episodes of The Twilight Zone. Most people would claim the infamous Talky Tina episode but I never saw that one growing up. Personally I was torn between Thirty-Fathom Grave and The Whole Truth and went with the former. The reason why? Thirty-Fathom Grave is the episode my Papa considers to be the most terrifying of the series, strictly because of the ending. I come from a family of sailors, my great-grandfather was a Navy gunner during World War 2. He told us some stories, many of which are eerily similar to this episode.

3.) The Last Man on Earth (1964)

My mother is a huge Vincent Price fan. She’s amassed quite the collection of his films over the years and I grew up with them. I thought House of Wax (1953) to be nothing but bright colors at the time because something about the story didn’t click that it was a horror film. But the revelation at the end 1964’s The Last Man on Earth somehow ended up being loud and clear to me. Was it the hopelessness that the humanity we know was destroyed? That our hero of the story had been the villain the entire time? Or maybe it made me realize that not all monsters look like…well, monsters. A fact that will make number one on my list incredibly clear.

2.) Saving Private Ryan: Omaha Beach

That’s right, the opening fucking scene. I have never seen this movie in full strictly because I can’t stomach this scene even 19 years later. I don’t know how I came to view this scene but I remember the reactions of my grandfather (a former MP during Vietnam) and my former Navy gunner great-grandfather. Papa was cringing while Grandpa simply said “I was in the Pacific at the time, but I lost a few buddies to this. Damn shame. Damn shame.” War is hell indeed.

1.) Ted Bundy

A little bit of background to this. I was a very quiet, timid child. When I was around five years old, my grandparents sat me down for a talk on stranger danger. They show me a photo of a good-looking, seemingly average man and simply said that he was a very bad man who did very, very bad things. The man in the photo was Ted Bundy. As I grew older, I inherited my mother’s fascination with true crime. I have coffee table books of crime scene photos, I attended forensic mortuary school for a time. I can handle a lot. Except anything involving Bundy. He was and still is the Boogeyman for me.

[moviesihaveseenbeforeiamdea-blog]

#609 The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Source

Released: October 1, 1974

Director: Tobe Hooper

Written by: Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkel

Starring: Marilyn Burns, Paul A. Partain, Gunnar Hansen

Had I Seen it Before? No

American Humane Society-approved: Not really, literal animal corpses are scattered throughout this movie, but! Tobe Hooper became a vegetarian as a result of this movie, and this movie is positioned (credibly) as pro-animal rights.  

There are a lot of movies that have behind-the-scenes featurettes which detail stressful, complicated, but ultimately ordinary film shoots that are interesting for those already invested in the movie but aren’t, ultimately, necessary. There are movies like Apocalypse Now where the accompanying making-of documentary, in this case, Heart of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse, are as interesting as the movie that made them possible. And then there are movies like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre where the stories behind the process of filming are as legendary as the film itself, and the lack of footage of that shooting is a tragedy.  It was amateur hour on the set of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and the sadism of the movie’s themes run a nice parallel to the near-total disregard director Tobe Hooper (R.I.P.) had for his cast and crew.

But goddamn if this movie isn’t a vision, even a vile, inhumane one. Horror movies tend to be a reflection of whatever the most topical cultural anxieties are, and Hooper has claimed that this movie’s faux-authentic style, claiming to be based on a true event and filming in a deliberately lo-fi way, was Hooper’s commentary on a post-Watergate, post-Vietnam American society where bold proclamations of authenticity and authority are red herrings to a deeply sadistic story. 

Edwin Neal, Jim Siedow, and Gunnar Hansen as the brothers Leatherface (Source)

Bequeathing the title of “Scariest Movie Ever” is always going to doom a movie in the long-term. More than most genres, what makes a horror movie successful is a moving target, and what was shocking and taboo forty years ago is going to seem quaint now. The reports of walkouts and total disgust during viewings for a movie that debuted only six years after The Night of the Living Dead, and Chain Saw’s level of intensity is certainly upping the ante, but in a world where the Saw franchise has become laughable, this movie probably didn’t have a chance of shocking in 2017. 

It is so easy for a scary movie to tip over into being a funny one, and everyone has seen the consequences of a movie that attempts to be scary falling flat on its face and only making the audience laugh. As someone who has seen all nine Hellraiser movies, I can attest to the wealth of comedy in movies that don’t find themselves to be funny. Chain Saw has its funny elements---the final dinner scene is chockful of them---but it never lets the humor get away from itself, instead those moments of levity only provide a brief moment of respite to continually remind the viewer that what they’re seeing is disturbing. (The Texas Monthly article I’ve linked to below has more on this.)

But even if Chain Saw isn’t king of the mountain anymore, there’s still a lot to appreciate for its technical ability and dedication to an aesthetic. By all accounts, Hooper was green when he came up with directing this movie (an idea that came to him, apparently, when he was stuck in a mall during the Christmas shopping season and envisioned ways he could speed up the process), and everything in this movie is built around that amateur approach.

The editing, for one, is probably the saving grace in this movie, cutting between shots rapidly and with abandon, attempting to stuff as much imagery as possible in the movie’s below-average runtime. A much-less aware director might have butchered the movie’s intensity by keeping the movement on screen too trackable and coherent, but the frantic pace that Hooper jumps from shot to shot is disorienting and ramshackle in its vision. The cinematography is also rough, the film quality is shit, and the actors overworked and exhausted. The soundtrack lacks any recognizable melodies are even instruments, being a collection of aggressive ambient noises and industrial themes. There’s a Sunn O))) remix somewhere in all the atonal sounds used in making this movie as offensive to every sense that it can be. 

And there are moments of truly inspired design in this movie. The mansion where the bulk of the killing takes place is disgusting, littered with dead animals and bones and all kinds of macabre knick-knacks which were reportedly real. Hansen’s masks are gross, and his behavior unintelligible. Hansen was reportedly pissed when all of his speaking lines were taken away, but the movie is better for it with Leatherface as a hulking oaf incapable of forming complete sentences, squealing and muttering to himself. Hansen apparently studied the behavior of mentally disabled children for the role, which is, you know, not good, but he gives an inspired performance in a one-note role. His final chainsaw dance at the end of the film is almost beautiful as Hansen swings his saw around in frustration in the sunrise, flailing around without any agenda or ideology. He is only a mass of white-hot rage and an insatiable urge to maim and hurt. 

The final chain saw dance (Source)

If nothing else, the people involved in the production of this movie, cast, and crew, can rest easy knowing they made one of the most profitable horror movies of all time, making $30 million on a budget somewhere between $60,000 - $300,000. Just kidding! Due to the complicated funding structure of the movie and Henkel and Hooper’s habit of giving away shares of the movie as collateral for an investment, most of the actors made next to nothing from the movie, and Henkel and Hooper’s career never reached any greater heights.

This movie’s legacy is mostly in the inspiration it holds for would-be filmmakers who have nothing but the balls and the brains to get a movie done, damn the consequences. If there’s a will, there’s a way, and Chain Saw is evidence of that. 

Final thoughts: 

For a very brief moment, Sally seems concerned about her disabled brother being chainsawed to death right in front of her before abandoning him completely.

And while I’m on the point, this movie seems to exist explicitly to fuck with Franklin. 

The very last scene of this movie is such a clusterfuck. Sally escapes the house, chased by Leatherface and his brother. The brother catches up to Sally and hacks away at her with a knife as a big rig approaches and runs him over (he mostly stands in the way). The truck driver tries to help Sally before Leatherface shows up. The driver throws a wrench at Leatherface’s head, causing him to chain saw his own leg. The truck driver then runs away and disappears as another truck shows up and whisks Sally away.

And you know what? Speaking of, no one in this movie seems to understand how to drive in a tense situation. Jerry drives *maybe* 5 mph after they kick out the hitchhiker, as said hitchhiker attacks the vehicle with a knife. The first truck driver who helps Sally climbs into his cab and shuts the door on Leatherface, but hops out the other side of the truck instead of, you know, driving away. The third truck driver does an impressive 180-degree drift and picks up Sally, but at first only manages to drive slightly slower than Leatherface can run, leaving Sally to fend him off for another moment. Does no one understand that, relative to a human being, cars can go really, really fast?

Hansen nearly killed himself with that chain saw, which was real and operating throughout the movie. The guy couldn’t see out of the mask he had to wear, and at one point slipped on a pool of fake blood and sent the saw way up into the air, where it fell inches away from his body. He was not the only one to be endangered by Hooper’s directorial extremes throughout production, and a lengthy article in Texas Monthly does a great job of showing that, given his low budget, Hooper figured the best he could do was make it as real as possible in lieu of state-of-the-art effects. If Burns is planning a trip to dance on Hooper’s grave, this article will explain why.

For how outright violent and offensive this movie is, it is oddly restrained in its blood and gore. I think this was probably a technical necessity due to the infinitesimal budget, but it works in the movie’s favor for the most part. The kills are mostly implied, and so it’s easy to imagine a lot more disturbing action that Hooper could have realistically depicted. There’s always more horror in imagination. 

[disneysnuff]

cherry bones

i met a guy to play louie at cloud 9 he’s got a curly mullet and is balding.. his so beautiful. this part that i wrote, based on the way my friend chio acts when he’s 8 pills into a night screaming zoopity woo and wobbling around like a praying mantis... i love my life. i got a tattoo, dedicated to my sister, i was tryna hide it for like 15 minutes then my sisters like ‘mum jarryds got a tattoo hit him’ hahaha. ive been setting goals and am on the brink of some major money if my up start takes off... im gonna get a little corrolla fuckin 80′s like 95 square looking motherfucks. i still want my benz and feel like joplin.. but maybe next year. i like these little white or silver hatchbacks i full love em and there like 2k put some venetians in it and race around at 60km in a 70 bumpin the strokes and usher and shit.  i sold four pills at a rave once. i dont want to drink goop no more so i wont be as lit as previous meetings. i go back to uni, feb 7th or 12th.. im making a documentary that will be featured in the film.. im still searching for a title for the entire film i feel like calling it blue chairs is to vague but perfect for a chapter/part. i love colour. the documentary is LSD:Lets stop doing. some people thought it was pretty funny... i want it to be as serious but as stupid as that part in harold and kumar one where there high as giraffe pussy watching tv and the dude smokes a joint on the ad then blows his head off.. mines going to be real stories of bad acid trips reanctments like those crime shows. death murder sex drugs rock n roll. im starting a little tshirt company McBain 83rd co. me and my boy croppas made up some designs in photoshop, there fuckin ill. like even if i have twenty left over i dont care ill just wear the same tee for 9 years. my boy blake and i, mostly me, planned out a buisness module and i’ll be making more money then flipping pills at a disco so it’s quite a time to be an artist... 2017 feels like this make or make year like nothings gone wrong, i hope it stays this way. “wanna see me turn into a super saiyan” i wanna shave my hair on the sides skin bald but theres alot of hair even at zero. i walk everyday and do a hundred situps and pushups sometimes.. losing weight sucks i hate medication even at 5mg, i got so beautiful for a couple of months there but every thing was moving to fast, i was stuck in an alternate timeline after drinking a bottle of 2007 merlot that my dad had before we made him leave... i want to be a wine conoseiur or whatever it is. something to collect and it pays off. red. i couldnt even buy a 2007 from liquorland, i dont know much but im putting my best conoseiurness out there.. 2007 great year for wine. i lost it in the bathtub just laughing listening to trex. i dont want to make you feel weird. my psychiatrist was such a babe, she left the service two weeks ago was my last appointment with her and we talked about the alternate timeline.. its a real stupid story but for some reason i fell into this state of mind were i thought world war 2 and the genocide that was implented during was my fault... fucking weird like i was talking to hitler in my thoughts and half awake dream. i guess youd know what thats like, everyones schizophrenic in their dreams, but hitler was showing me visuals of hitler toys and then of space and the world and then boom nazi flag popped into my head, idn i have this feeling voices messages like that interstellar movie can get lost in time with this sueperfluis ‘mental illness’ well my beliefs at the time... its not even frightening i found it fun. my psychiatrist refered to them as frightening and i dont have the paranoia which is good. 2 more months and then i go to tribunal hearing again and ill get off im to smart not to, last time i floored them with my vocabulary refering to it as the most contentious social issue and there system as a revolving door. i feel like its weak to be depressed and ive never been depressed, wouldnt mind to try it though. when i get off this cto and this run of olanzapine 20mg but i only take 5mg i crush it and eat a quarter to keep my weight down, im like 67 on a good day, my goal was 60 but now its 58. i saw a girl on the back of an old mans motorcycle she had the tiniest docs on and a helmet i couldnt see her face but she had the most undesribable positive energy. olanzapine is the best medication ive been on besides the weight gain. its all so calm.. to calm. i miss the uprising moments of disorganised passionate thought although being collected and chill is nice too even though chillers are boring and have nothing exciting to say 11 months of the year. i hope my tshirts sell. mums yelling ‘i wont have any part of it’ ‘dont go to uni, get a job’ but im on my journey and i feel like its the right time.. i need to make a feature film before 25 to be on par with orson welle’s life. ive written three films now, two are secret in my little black books.. ones a vietnam war film the other a world war two film. the world war 2 one will be when and if I have a bigger budget, just got this really cool scene written for it which was inspired by full metal jacket and god of war 3, so theres this massive hole in the ground and 40 or so a whole village (haha hole) is marched out there and shot one by one screaming there last words i want it to be in yiddish jewish and german and slow motion in my head its likea symphony of death truly disgusting and yiddish is such a bakcwords double edged language like the word “uglee’ means ‘of god,, and my fourth film im going to make is a biopic about my father and his father called ‘the pyjama gang’ about jockeys duromine and australian crime mostly based on my father arthur’s true story, its a little self indulgent although i feel like thats a directors voice, it will even have my father and mothers ill-fated love story and my childhood. im not eager to travel untill im making movies because the idea of a country to me can inspire a whole film so im going to wait untill my art is ready before i travel. i do want to go to one country this year, japan or new zealand.. i love my life. ive been training like patrick bateman when i feel like it, tomorrow im going to watch texas chainsaw massacre 1974 and work out throughout the whole thing. my friend asked me who do you identify as?.. i said ‘nigga dick’

[battleborntap]

What year ranks as the best ever for shooters? Many convincingly argue this honor belongs to 2004 – featuring a deep catalog including Half-Life 2, Halo 2, Far Cry, Star Wars Battlefront, Battlefield: Vietnam, Doom 3, UT 2004, Counter-Strike: Source, Painkiller. Others cite 2007 as a major contender thanks to gems like Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, BioShock, Team Fortress 2, Halo 3, S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl, Unreal Tournament III, and Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. Thanks to an amazing lineup of its own, expect 2016 to be in this conversation moving forward as well. 

Shooter fans had something to look forward to in 2016 regardless of their preferred play style. Campaigns experienced a resurgence thanks to games like Titanfall 2, the Doom reboot, and even Battlefield 1. Cooperative players could dive into the juicy campaign of Gears of War 4 or the complex events of Destiny: Rise of Iron, which demanded constant communication to overcome. And multiplayer fans welcomed a new top-tier competitor in Blizzard's Overwatch. 

With no shortage of praise to dispense, our 2016 shooter of the year awards were tougher to come to a consensus on than any previous year. Check out the accolades below:

Best Campaign: Titanfall 2

This proved the toughest category to award an outright winner because we had two games deserving of the award. Doom's throwback campaign is pure, blood-drenched bliss, but ultimately Respawn's return to building campaigns won out thanks to its pitch-perfect pacing, strong mechanics, and continual commitment to introducing new mechanics. The time-bending Effects and Cause mission in particular stands out as one of the best in all of gaming.

Best Setting: Battlefield 1

While nearly every other major shooter franchise ran like lemmings to the space race of sci-fi settings, the clever Swedes at DICE seized a perfect opportunity to differentiate the Battlefield franchise by diving further back into history than it has ever done before. Trading laser guns and space fighters for bolt-action rifles and biplanes proved to be a major boon, as the World War I setting brought gamers to an era ripe for storytelling (and multiplayer battles) they have seldom visited before. 

Best Character: Tracer (Overwatch)

We could have picked just about any Overwatch character for this honor (Hanzo and Bastion being the obvious exceptions), but ultimately decided on the first face that greets you in the game's tutorial. Tracer is a lot more than just the lovable poster girl for Blizzard's critically acclaimed shooter. Her Blink and Recall abilities give her a unique attacking role never seen before in shooters. She may be fragile, but her quick pace and ability to fade in and out of combat in the blink of a second make her a truly formidable foe when in the hands of an expert.

Best Graphics: Battlefield 1

DICE's Frostbite engine is so good that EA decided to make it the de facto choice for the vast majority of its games, including BioWare RPGs and sports games. Battlefield 1 is a great showcase for why that seems like a smart decision. The graphics are jaw-dropping thanks to best-in-class weather effects and a welcome return to more destructible environments. If you want to treat your eyeballs to a spectacle, fire this game up in 4K. Considering Star Wars Battlefront took this award last year, this marks back-to-back wins for DICE. 

Best Audio: Overwatch

Battlefield 1 and Doom could have won accolades for their bombastic sound effects and memorable soundtracks, but we ultimately chose Overwatch because of how seamlessly Blizzard blends audio cues into the action of its fast-paced shooter. Listen closely, and you can tell what is happening based solely on characters’ unique audible tells, from ultimate callouts to Reinhardt's thunderous footsteps. The volume scaling smartly alerts you how close the incoming threat is, letting you either prepare for your pending doom or man up for a defiant defense. 

Best Weaponry: Doom

As far as I am concerned, there is only one shotgun you should carry into battle in a first-person shooter game, and that's the iconic original from Doom. Developer id Software wonderfully recreated this boomstick along with several other memorable Doom weapons (with a few new ones to boot). The rocket launcher, BFG 9000, and chainsaw gun are all showstoppers, and most of the weapons get even better in this reboot thanks to modifications you can find by locating field drones in each level.

Best Gunplay: Doom

Reloads are so 2015. In 2016, id Software flew in the face of modern convention by getting rid of weapon reloads, cover, a sprint button, and making players follow an NPC through a linear level design. By going back to its roots, Doom discovers the joy of the original with fantastic guns, open environments, and lightning-fast movement. When you see a mouth of hell in the middle of a room just waiting to be activated, you know it's time for a metal-driven ballet of death and destruction. And when your guns are low on ammo, it's time to embrace the Itchy and Scratchy-style close-quarters glory kills.

Best Remaster: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Remastered

The remaster of the best shooter from last generation was arguably more desirable than the game it shipped with, Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare. While those who bothered to check out Infinity Ward's space-faring campaign were ultimately rewarded with an underrated experience, you couldn't fault those who pre-ordered the game from popping this Modern Warfare into their disc drives first. This all-time classic received a welcome makeover including new textures, higher resolution, and high-dynamic range lighting.

Read on to find out which shooter we named the best shooter as service, cooperative game, and competitive game. [PageBreak]

Best Indie: Superhot

Given the high quality of the entrenched competition, we rarely see indie shooters outside of those that try to recapture the style and fast-paced gameplay of the genre godfathers like Doom and Wolfenstein. Superhot chose a different approach inspired by puzzle games to make a must-play shooter unlike anything we've ever experienced. Time moves only when you move, turning each gunfight into a chess match that requires more wit than twitch skills.

Best Comeback: Doom

The last time we played a new Doom game in 2004, YouTube and the iPhone didn't exist yet. Think about that for a second. A Doom 3 follow-up that took many cues from popular modern shooters like Call of Duty was in development for years, but id and Bethesda ultimately felt it was the wrong direction for the franchise, scrapped it, and started over. It proved to be a wise decision, because this campaign skillfully captures the essence of the original FPS that put the genre on the map while at the same time bringing it into the modern era with subtle design touches. 

Best Shooter As Service: Rainbow Six Siege

What a difference a year can make. When I reviewed Rainbow Six Siege last December, I praised the stellar design of its foundational multiplayer mode but decried the poor infrastructure around it. I knew there was a brilliant game in there somewhere, Ubisoft just hadn't quite nailed it. Over the last 12 months, Ubisoft continued to hone the experience, fixing hit detection issues and other technical hiccups while delivering a steady stream of free maps and new operators players can unlock by spending the in-game currency known as Renown. Now the game has a well-earned following and healthy eSports scene, and Ubisoft just teased plans for another year of support.

Best Cooperative Multiplayer: Gears of War 4

This was another tough award to bestow. A vocal minority believed Destiny: Rise of Iron deserved the kudos thanks to its best raid to date that forced players to work together, the sophisticated cooperation necessary to obtain the Outbreak Prime Rifle, and new strike scoring system that rewards teamwork. But at the end of the day, the nod goes to Gears of War 4. New studio The Coalition erased the bad taste Judgment left in our mouths, delivered a strong cooperative campaign, and improved Horde mode with a new class system and the ability to construct new defensive fortifications. 

Best Competitive Multiplayer: Overwatch

Overwatch didn't just carve a nice niche for itself in the months after its debut. This multiplayer-focused shooter from the masters at Blizzard blew the doors wide open on an already packed and ultra-competitive genre. Like Blizzard's forays into the MMO, MOBA, and digital card game spaces, Overwatch is a master class in balance. Each hero brings distinct and useful skills to the battles, well-crafted maps keep the battles frantic, and the friendly post-game recaps and play-of-the-game highlights make for a wonderful way to wrap up a match.

Best Multiplayer Map: Hollywood (Overwatch)

Editors sang the praises of several Overwatch maps (mostly based on how their mains perform in those spaces), but the hybrid attack/payload map Hollywood got the most votes. Like many of its brethren, it has a great mix of interior and exterior cover locations, verticality, flanking routes, and choke points. It earns extra points for the light storytelling touches found throughout the map that give you a small glimpse into the wider Overwatch universe. Battlefield 1 also had a strong showing with standouts like St. Quentin Scar and Monte Grappa. 

Best Innovation: The Dark Zone (The Division)

Bold choices have become a rarity in triple-A games this generation, likely due to the immense cost that goes into making these games. One big miss could mortally wound a publisher. This is why The Division's Dark Zone is so refreshing. Don't get us wrong, it's not for everyone. Many are rubbed the wrong way when another player wipes them out and steals the hard-earned loot they were trying to extract. Developer Massive has also wrestled with finding a balance between having raving packs of PvP groups and a punishment for going rogue so severe that no one wants to even bother. But no other shooter has a space that offers the harrowing experience of sneaking and shooting your way through enemies for high-end gear, then having to announce your presence to the wider community via a flare and hoping you can extract your loot before others come to claim it as their own. 

Biggest Disappointment: Battleborn

Given the pedigree of Gearbox Software (Borderlands, Brothers in Arms) we had high hopes for the studio's new IP, which promised to remix the first-person shooter with MOBAs into a new style of game. We even put Battleborn on our cover. Unfortunately, the project did not come together in a compelling way. 

Shooter of the Year: Overwatch

If you read our Best of 2016 article, you already knew this was coming. No game, shooter or otherwise, captured the attention of Game Informer editors in 2016 like Overwatch. The refined balance, fantastic controls, and compelling cast of characters got us through the door, and Blizzard's steady stream of improvements and holiday themed loot kept us coming back for more. Overwatch is here to stay, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

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