#It’s been less than 24 hours since learning about it and I already want to shell out for the gear

[lockes-woods]

Kinktober '24 Day 9

Request: kinktober request: Mihawk x Zoro x AFAB reader. Mihawk teaches Zoro how to fuck reader. Maybe some dp?

Requested By: @motherofbirbs

WARNINGS: oral (m!/ f! receiving), praise kink, PIV, hair pulling, first time, anal

A/N: now edited

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“You want me to what?” you asked, you had heard them perfectly fine the first time, but you needed to make sure they knew what they were asking for. This is not how you expected your day to go.  Sure, your shop was always slow in the early hours before the tourists visiting your island woke up, and it wasn’t out of the question that Mihawk would visit you this early, but it was still a strange request.

“I’d like you to, if you consent, be fucked by Roronoa.” Mihawk repeated, in the same plain way he had addressed you the first time. Sure, you and the older swordsman had found your way into each other’s beds in the past and had a quasi-romantic relationship, but that didn’t make the request any less weird.

“And you want this?” you asked looking up at Zoro to confirm the request. The younger swordsmen looked at you with blush-stained cheeks, he nodded in response, before saying, “Erm-yeah, if you’d let me, I want to become the world’s greatest swordsman, which means training here, and there aren’t a lot of options." he said, before blurting out, "Not to say you aren’t a great option, but you and Dracule are already a thing.” 

He wasn’t wrong by any means you lived on an island near where Mihawk had set up his residence, the lack of consistent feasible relationships is how you ended up in Mihawk’s bed originally. Your relationship had grown since then, but originally you had a no strings attached relationship where if you were both free for the night and he was in town you’d fuck.

“And you’re okay with sharing?” You asked, glancing at Mihawk.

“I don’t find competing with a virgin, particularly challenging,” Mihawk responded, you nodded he wasn’t wrong there.

“And you’re okay with being with someone older?” you asked looking at the 20-year-old. You were only four years older than him, but it was worth asking.

“I’d prefer it” he answered honestly, “I want to learn how to do it right from someone with standards.”

“Okay,” you said pushing back from your chair at the register and making your way to the front of the store to switch your ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’.

“Where do you want to do this?” you asked, quirking an eyebrow at the older swordsman.

“Preferably here. If you’re okay with us being in your home.” He answered, you nodded and began to wordlessly walk to the back of your shop, up the steps to your apartment. You could only hear Zoro walking behind you, but you knew Mihawk was there despite his ability to avoid any creeks in the steps to alert you of his presence. Your upstairs apartment wasn’t anything to write home about, but it was cozy and yours. You had them take off their shoes at the top of the staircase, before entering your home. You had a simple queen-sized bed, that you had made only an hour and a half before when you woke up for the day. The entire room still smelled of lavender from your oil diffuser that had been running all night. You walked halfway to your bed before turning around to address Mihawk.

“Okay, so how are we going to do this?” you asked.

“You’ll be taking the lead with him, while I watch and have him make adjustments.” He explained.

“Alright,” you nodded before addressing the apprentice, “You can leave your swords over there.” You gestured to your kitchen nook and the small two-person table there. Zoro nodded stiffly before hooking his swords on the back of one of the chairs as Mihawk leaned his against the table itself. He moved back in front of you looking down at you, waiting eagerly for your next direction, you smiled up at him. This may actually be fun, you mused to yourself before taking his chin in your delicate hands and tilting his face downwards.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” you ask. He shook his head ‘no’; blush spreading to his ears.

“Alright, lean down,” you prompted, “Good,” you praised him before pressing up on your toes to close the gap between you. You threaded your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him down just a bit more to make it easier on you. He allowed you to take the lead as you nipped at his slightly chapped lips and moved your tongue past the opening of his mouth and began to leisurely explore him. He let out a surprised groan at the feeling of your tongue against his that made you smile into the kiss before pulling back,

“Do you think you can do what I just did? If your future partners think similarly to me, they’re gonna assume you will dominate.” You said, Zoro nodded, a look of determination in his eyes; cute you thought to yourself, before he leaned down and captured your lips. You let out a surprised moan as his tongue entered your mouth, while he simultaneously reached for your waist, forcing you to stay put. The kiss was immediately more demanding than you had expected of him, especially with it only being his second kiss.  You allowed him to explore for a bit before pressing a hand to his chest and pulling back panting lightly.

“Good,” you nodded, a smile lightly tugged at his lips, you weren’t sure if he knew it but you could see the budding of a praise kink forming before your eyes. “Now for foreplay, have you ever given or gotten head?” you asked tilting your head slightly.

“Head?” he questioned.

“I’ll take that as a no,” you said smiling up at him before turning your attention to Mihawk, “Do you think it would be better for me to go down on him first and then he can go down on me while you show him how to prep me properly?” you asked. He hummed for a moment before nodding.

“Going down on him may make it easier for him to take direction instead of him focusing on himself.” Mihawk agreed. You gently took Zoro’s calloused hand in yours and led him over to your bed. You gently tugged on his shirt before he went to sit down.

“It’ll be a little easier to get your pants off if you pull them down a bit before sitting down.” You directed he nodded pulling both his pants and underwear down in one go to his mid-thighs before taking a seat at the edge of your bed. You paused for a moment as your eyes widened, taking in his cock.

“D-Did I do something wrong?” he questioned nervously.

“Oh, no, you’re fine love, you’re just big.” You answer honestly looking up from his cock to his even more reddened face.

“Is that- is it going to be a problem?” he asked, bashfully.

“No,” you shake your head smiling down at him, “Not if you follow Mihawk’s directions while prepping me.” You moved down between his legs, encouraging him to remove his pants entirely before you looked up at him, your hands perched on his knees, encouraging him to open a bit wider.

“Good boy,” you praised unconsciously, before looking up at him, “I’m going to work my way up your thighs before taking you in my mouth. Say, ‘Marines’ if it’s too much and you need to immediately stop. Later I’ll ask for your color, did Mihawk go over that with you?” you ask, never breaking eye contact.

“Y-yes” he answered, already getting flustered.

“Good,” you nodded, “I know this is your first time doing this, I won’t be mad if you cum too quickly, just let yourself enjoy the stimulation. Okay?”

“Okay,” he nodded, you smiled up at him before kissing and nipping at his muscular thighs. He let out a hiss as you ran your tongue from his base to his tip before sucking the head of his dick into your mouth.

“Fuck,” he gasped, white-knuckling the fabric of your comforter in each hand. His hips stutter as you work your way down his cock, until he bottomed out. You had to bar down his hips with your arm as he instinctually went to start thrusting.

“She likes it when you pull her hair,” Mihawk instructed, “I know it feels good, but don’t thrust into her mouth without warning.”

Zoro nodded, lacing his fingers through your hair; tugging at it lightly when you would go down.

“Fuck, please,” Zoro cried, too lost in the new stimulation to even know what he was asking for.

“It’s okay baby,” you encouraged, pulling yourself off his cock, as you continued to jerk him off, “You’re being such a good boy, you can cum whenever you’d like,”

He moaned one last time, before his hips suddenly thrusted upward, causing you to deep-throat him. You choked for a moment before relaxing your throat and swallowing. He whimpered as you pulled off his cock, falling back against your bed. You gave him a second to recover as you grabbed a condom and lube out of your bedside table.

“Are you ready to return the favor Roronoa?” Mihawk questioned as Zoro came down from his high. He nodded in response, shedding his top, now fully nude.

“Kiss her again, this time stay in charge as you work her clothing off,” Mihawk instructed. Zoro nodded, you placed down what you were holding as Zoro pulled you in for a kiss, which he immediately dominated. He moaned at the taste of his release before rubbing up and down your sides. Without pulling away he unbuttoned your top and eased it off. He then turned his attention to your bottoms; he began to push them down your legs before shoving you back lightly onto your bed. He fully pulled them off you, his eyes locked on your lower lips. You couldn’t help but moan as he worked down your neck kissing a nipping as he went, similar to how you did to his thighs.

“Good, now play with her chest. Her nipples are sensitive, the more you work at them the wetter she’ll become. The wetter she is the easier it will be to prep her later.” Mihawk instructed. You couldn’t help but moan as Zoro sucked your left nipple into his mouth, while simultaneously working at your other with his chilled fingers. You rubbed your thighs together needily as he switched nipples leaving them perked and sensitive. He then kissed down to the top of your mound before waiting for direction.

“Right, now you’re going to go down on her to make sure she’s fully stretched and ready for your cock.” Mihawk began to instruct, "While you don't always have to go down on someone to prep them, I think it would be wise to teach you that as well."

You let out a whine, as Zoro gently pushed your legs apart and over his shoulder. Your pussy now on full display. You let out a shaky breath at the stimulation of his hot breath against your clit, 

"Alright start out slow, run a finger down her slit, and gently spread it open. While you may feel inclined to go straight for her clit, you have to work up to that." 

"What's a clit?" Zoro asked, spreading you open with his pointer and thumb.

"It's an erogenous zone," Mihawk answered, "Playing with her clit is similar to one stimulating the head of your cock. While it feels amazing, you should be prudent it your use of it as you start out. You don't want her to feel overstimulated. "

Zoro nodded as he gently stroked your inner thigh with his right hand while holding you open with his left. 

"Kiss up her thigh, when you reach her pussy you may give her clit a kiss before introducing your fingers." Mihawk directed, "You'll want to ease your fingers into her opening to make sure she's wet and stretched out enough to take you cock. " Zoro nodded as stroked up and down you slit, he pulled a moan from you as he lightly stroked your clit with his tongue before he went to press two of his large fingers into your entrance. Mihawk caught his wrist before he could insert them. 

"Be mindful of your size difference; starting out by stretching her with two fingers may cause her to feel displeasure." He explained before glancing up at you. "Darling, would it be okay if I stretched your out anally so that he can practice on your opening?" 

You bit your lip and nodded, Mihawk nodded in response before drizzling lube on both his fingers and your back opening.

"Go slow," Mihawk instructed circling you asshole, before slowly thrusting in, "Be mindful of her reaction and let that guide you," Mihawk commented as he showed Zoro how to thrust and angle his fingers for the best reaction. You were a moaning mess as both your asshole and pussy were full and being stimulated. 

"Good," Mihawk commented as Zoro worked a second finger in. Following Mihawk's directions you felt a twist in your gut as you could feel there fingers rubbing against each other through your walls. 

"Now you can focus on her clit, suck and lick at it while you finger her." 

A sharp gasp cut through you as he sucked hard on your clit while simultaneously thrusting in a third finger. Your thighs started to quake as you sat right on the edge of euphoria. You let out a gasp, followed by a moan as Mihawk started to finger you in time with Zoro. You moaned loudly, not caring who would overhear as your island's streets filled with tourist. You came hard clenching around both hands. You were left panting as they both eased their fingers out. 

“Once, you’re positive you're ready, you can put on a condom and begin,” Mihawk instructed handing Zoro the package. You sit up from your reclined position and helped Zoro unwrap the condom and how to properly put it on his cock. Once he was ready you fell back into your reclined position, leg spread to accommodate his size.

"Need any help with that Mihawk?" you teased, taking in the sight of his strained cock against his trousers. 

"How would you like me?" he asked instead of answering you.

"It'd be a shame to waste all your work prepping my asshole," you reply slyly. Mihawk hummed in return, grabbing a condom for himself, before stripping down. 

"Zoro?" you asked, grabbing the apprentice's attention.

"Yes?" he asked, clearly desperate for some stimulation.

"Lay down on your back," you instructed before straddling his abs.

"I'm going to slowly ease down on you is that okay?" you asked, positioning yourself over his cock. He nodded desperately as you slowly bounced, easing yourself down. 

"Fuck" you moaned, only Mihawk had ever stretched you out this well. Zoro panted with his head thrown back. You were about to rise to start riding him when you felt Mihawk's cool hand on your shoulder. He held you stationary as he began to thrust in your back entrance. You and Zoro shared a moan. You from the stretch of Mihawk thrusting inside of you; Zoro from the feeling of Mihawk through your walls. You stayed put until the elder swordsman pulled back and started to thrust in. Zoro didn't need any more direction as he gripped onto your hips and started to thrust up into you. All you could do was moan shamelessly as you were jerked around by the two massive men. Zoro, unsurprisingly, met his high first. His grip became bruising as he let go of his release. Mihawk's hand found its way down to you clit, rubbing it in tight circles, causing you to cum next as you fell down to Zoro's chest. You could only whine as Mihawk took what he wanted from you, cumming right before your pleasure would have turned into bitter overstimulation. Mihawk rolled off you to the side as you lay on Zoro's chest trying to catch your breath. Before you knew it the two were redressed and ready to make their departure. 

“I’m sorry, I came so fast.” Zoro apologized; a tinge of blush still remaining on his cheeks.

“Don’t worry about it, you honestly lasted longer than I was expecting.” You said, smiling up at him. He smiled in return, you and Mihawk shared a brief kiss before the duo left to continue his training.

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MASTERLIST

Thanks as always for taking the time to read! stay tuned for Professor! Shanks x Student! Reader.

[demon-country]

One thing I like about Stolas is that he learns, and then he takes action of his own accord. He's not stagnant. Sure, he can be a bit oblivious and lost in his own head, but once he's finally informed that there is a problem he always makes a real effort to reflect on it and then do something about it.

We see it as early as Loo Loo Land, where he misses all the cues that Octavia is upset, but once she actually tells him what's wrong he immediately reassures her. He then promptly leaves with her, asks her what she wants to do instead, and takes her there despite not understanding the appeal. His focus is on her the whole time from the moment he finds her crying. He even carries her like she's a small child again the entire way back to the van, and she lets him because physical comfort is something she needs and he knows it.

We see it again after Ozzie's, where Blitz is finally honest about his belief that Stolas wants him for nothing but sex. After a night of heavy drinking, he immediately starts to reflect on things and comes to the correct conclusion that their deal needs to end, because in hindsight Blitz didn't seem happy or like he was having a good time like Stolas previously assumed, and then he tries to find Blitz a way to stay in business without relying on him. He gets a little side tracked because of the divorce, but he never gives up on getting Blitz an Asmodean Crystal, even when it requires him to wait several hours in Asmodeus' waiting room fresh out of the hospital.

We also see it in Apology Tour, where he reflects in his song and starts to realize that his behavior early on wasn't taken as him being cute and playful like he intended, but pushy and overbearing. Despite how Blitz hurt and yelled at him both that morning and the night before, he acknowledges that it wasn't malicious and doesn't try to put the blame for things going wrong on Blitz, although he doesn't yet realize that it's not because Blitz doesn't care, it's because he cares too much and is scared of that.

Stolas is learning and changing, but it's a slow process. It comes in pieces. Which is generally how it goes in real life, too. People don't usually change overnight, it can take years and years to fully unlearn bad behaviors and do better, but fuck if he isn't trying.

He needs problems spelled out for him though. He's been extremely sheltered and socially isolated his whole life, and there are a lot of things pointing to him being autistic as well. He's going to miss or misinterpret things that are just implied, there's simply no getting around that. For example, he was never going to realize that there are problems with how he treats imps in general without prompting, because that's been normalized for him and he's high enough on the food chain that almost no one is going to correct his unconscious bigotry. That is, until Blitz, who is perhaps the only person of a lower class Stolas knows who's not intimated by him in the slightest (other than Striker, who was torturing him at the time, which is yet another trauma barrier that will make it hard for him to reconcile with his racism/classism), tells him in a fit of rage. 

I'm sure he'll reflect on Blitz's words and what they mean about how he acts when it's not less than 24 hours since he got his heart smashed to pieces. I don't know about you guys, but I know firsthand that the humiliation and betrayal he likely felt after having his feelings mocked not once, but twice (first on accident, but the next very much on purpose. Oh Blitz, the self-sabotage is so painful to see) take a little while to get over. Let him reflect on how his over-enthusiasm had him running roughshod over Blitz first for a bit, which he's already in the process of doing, then when things aren't so fresh he'll be in a better headspace to consider his overarching biases.

And from a narrative standpoint, the fact that it's taking a while for him to work through everything is a good thing. Expecting him to just Know Better is unrealistic and would cheapen his character arc. He's fighting to do better for the people he loves despite his trauma and implicit biases making that hard for him, and if he is autistic then there are just some things he will always struggle with, like reading social cues. But for any of his improvement to feel satisfying for the viewers then it has to move at a reasonable pace, and unfortunately that kind of change takes time. It's difficult, but he's actually doing a pretty good job so far. He's making a real effort to fix his behavior. But you gotta be patient, he's basically fumbling blindly through this alone.

Anyway, I just really love that, slowly but surely, he's learning. He's not being babied by the narrative or the creators, he's holding himself accountable and changing himself for the better. If you want realistic characters with nuance and depth then you have to let them actually act in the messy, imperfect ways real people do. This is true for Blitz and his character arc as well, but that's for a whole other post.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

What's Been Going On.

Hey gang.

First off, before I make a cut, I just want to thank y'all for your patience and understanding the past couple months with my... distinct lack of interesting posting. I really appreciate it. I spend so much time here that I tend to eventually burn out and then feel bad when I physically can't provide y'all with new stuff. I love this blog and the community here, and I'm grateful that y'all are so understanding.

The TL;DR for those who aren't able to read below the cut due to the content warnings: I've lost 2 relatives in the past couple weeks, and one of them hit me very hard. I am sad, but I am trying my best to carry on. It will hurt for awhile, and I'm not okay right now, but I will be... I always am.

Below the cut, cw for descriptions of deaths, cancer, depression.

So, as I mentioned, I lost two family members in two weeks, almost exactly a week apart from each other. One, my youngest aunt (dad's sister) who I wasn't close with but I saw occasionally, from a sudden heart attack. The second, a little over a week later, was my uncle (dad's brother and my godfather) after a LONG battle with various cancers but the final one was leukaemia, and he passed away this past Monday. This is the one that hit me like a freight train because I was very close with this uncle.

For context, PRIOR to all of this, I haven't been sleeping well since just before the time change for some reason – so about a month or two. I just can't sleep through a whole night anymore, and it's frustrating and leaving me exhausted for weeks on end (the insomnia is important to note and it will be relevant in a sec).

Last year I think it was, maybe the year before, my uncle was diagnosed with throat cancer. He had undergone months of radiation and it went into remission. Then about a year or so, it came back as a different cancer, but I can't remember which one it was. Half a year ago, he got leukaemia, and was undergoing chemo and blood platelet replacement therapy for a few months.

On Remembrance Day weekend (November 11), the family found out that there was nothing more they could do for my uncle's treatments. This was devastating news for all of us to hear. Of course we hoped he would be okay until after Christmas, but his prognosis was already less-than-2-months after that revelation.

A week later, my aunt passed away suddenly. No pre-conditions other than probably being overweight and a heavy smoker, but my cousin (her 17-year-old daughter) found her in her room. I am closer with the cousin than the aunt, so I was texted by one of my other aunts at 2am Friday morning to talk to my cousin, since I have gone through a traumatic sudden-death of a parent and this cousin trusts and relates to me. And the only reason I saw the text was because I was already awake due to my insomnia. I called the cousin and stayed on the phone for 6 hours with her to ensure she was going to be okay. I took the day off work to sleep.

Exactly a week later, my uncle was rushed to the hospital with a brain bleed and pneumonia. I was texted by a DIFFERENT aunt, this one being the one I am closest to and knows how close I am to my uncle, last Thursday. I found out on the Friday I took off of work that he wasn't going to get better, that the bleed was essentially killing him slowly.

This uncle, for outsider understanding, essentially became a second father to me after my dad died and I moved to be closer to his family. He became the parent my mother wasn't. This uncle ensured I was always okay, and would drop everything for me. So to say I was devastated to learn that I was losing him forever brought up a lot of core memories from when my dad died is an understatement. First, my aunt dying young, like my dad, from a sudden heart attack, like my dad. Then my father figure in my life dying shortly after? Lots of turmoil this past couple weeks for me.

On Sunday, November 24, I said my final goodbye to my uncle, and he passed away on the 25th. It hurts so badly that I want to scream non-stop. I took that Monday off to grieve, and worked from home the rest of the week to sit in my grief alone. One of the things I am so grateful for was that I was able to say goodbye to him, and to tell him how much he meant to me, how much I love him. It gave me a sense of closure that I didn't have with my dad when he died. One of my biggest regrets about my dad passing is that morning he died, I never said "I love you" like I usually did because I was running late for work.

I did not want to make that mistake again. I got to hug my uncle, and tell him I love him so, so much, and I got to thank him for always being there for me when dad died. That he helped me through my grief when I finally did break three years after he died.

I let him know he was loved; I am so grateful for that opportunity.

I miss him so much it physically hurts.

Just because his death was inevitable, it doesn't make it any easier. It feels different than my dad's death, for sure, in the sense that I lost dad too young and unexpectedly. But it still hurts to lose someone I love even if I know he's leaving us. I am just glad he's not suffering anymore; he was in immense pain when I saw him last.

So, this past week, I have been sitting in my grief, crying at mundane things because they remind me of him or things we did together. I've played video games to distract my mind, and tried my best to work on this blog, albeit at a minimum.

The surprising thing I think about this whole ordeal is the immense support I'm getting from my coworkers, and my employer's understanding about my situation. I have a job that's primarily digital, so they've let me take as much time as I need to feel up to working fully again, and I am just EXHAUSTED, but I want to try to go back to the office on Monday, to get back to the routines that make me feel comfort. Work has said that if I'm having a hard time I can go back home, which, again, is so generous. I was at a different job when my dad died, and they didn't want me gone more than a week. This has been literally 2 weeks non stop of me working / not working / working from home..... I just cannot wait until Christmas break so I can finally just REST. I am extremely lucky to have the job I have, and I am very aware of that. The fact that they're letting me have more grievance leave than normal for a non-immediate family member boggles my mind, but again, I am grateful.

So yeah, that's what's been going on with me the past couple months. It's been chaotic, I'm tired, and very very lonely. AND to top it all off, I'm feeling my seasonal depression seeping in earlier than normal because of all this stress and anxiety, and I just... ugh. I need to get back to routine.

This is also why I'm doing the Christmas cards this year... because I want to have a bit of happiness this holiday season in what will probably be even more depressing than normal. My Dad's death-iversary is on January 11, and will be 17 years since his passing. It will be harder to cope with this year more than ever now, I think. Best I can do is continue to talk to my therapist to keep me from sinking further, and not bottle everything all up like I did 17 years ago.

Thank you all for your patience and understanding. I haven't been "feeling it" these past couple months, and I know it shows in the lack of content I've been posting or producing. But I am so grateful to this community for understanding without the context y'all didn't have before now, and I hope you guys understand that I won't feel like myself again for awhile.

I'll try my best, though.

Love y'all. 💜

[iamnotthere-idonotdie]

dream of me

part four

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synopsis: reader and bruce have moved in together and their relationship is going well. but a new gotham criminal kidnaps reader and they face sudden death, as well as a secret bruce has been keeping.

content: batman/bruce wayne x reader, cursing, no smut, violence, torture, death, blood, breaking/broken bones, kidnapping, brutality, guns, knives, vomit, graphic descriptions of violence and injuries

a/n: okay so this one took a dark turn, and i’m very surprised i was able to finish it so fast. i knew how i wanted this to play out but i wasn’t expecting it to get as graphic as it did so i do apologize for that honestly. i think what im learning is that as i write, i sort of envision it as a movie playing out in my head so sometimes it can feel more like a script than a story. also sorry if there are some wrong medical terminology and stuff in here, and sorry for any typos as well!

edit: also— i think i was kind of envisioning the joker here as seen in something like the killing joke (movie). honestly i just kind of read this joker with mark hamill’s voice altogether.

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“good morning, sleep well, i hope?”

“good morning, alfred. yes i did, thank you.”

you pour yourself a cup of coffee in the kitchen as alfred makes breakfast. you grab a mug for bruce and pour his as well.

“bruce still out?”

“yes, he called and informed me that he’ll be back soon from his workout.” alfred says as he flips the omelette in the pan.

“these workouts have been getting longer and longer.”

“he does like to keep active.”

“right, he just seems to get up so early for them. the other day i woke up in the middle of the night and he was gone, it wasn’t even 4am yet.”

“he finds the 24-hour gym is less crowded in the early hours.”

alfred slides the omelette onto a plate and sets it on the small table for you.

“thank you alfred. i just worry he’s not getting enough sleep.”

“oh, i’ve been worrying about his sleep for years.”

“i sleep plenty.” bruce enters the kitchen. “morning alfred.”

“good morning, sir.”

bruce walks over to the table and kisses you.

“good morning.” you say as you hand him his coffee.

bruce sits and alfred sets a plate of breakfast in front of him too.

“thanks alfred.”

“i just hope you’re sleeping enough is all. it seems like lately it’s been less and less.” you take a sip of your coffee and look at bruce. you don’t want to be a nag, but you do worry.

he takes a sip too and looks back at you.

“i’m fine, really.”

you smile unconvincingly at him and continue eating.

the rest of breakfast is quiet, but you don’t mind the still silence. this morning routine has brought you comfort over the last few months since you moved in. alfred set up your own room when you first came, but you and bruce quickly realized you both prefer sleeping in the same bed. that is, when he’s actually sleeping in it.

you finish breakfast and bruce takes your plates and puts them in the sink, alfred already turning on the tap.

you and bruce go back upstairs and you start getting dressed for work. he doesn’t always go in, but even on days like today when his work is to be completed at home, he still drives you. he told you early on that you could work hybrid as well, that you two could work together at home on his off days. but you enjoy working at the desk. and with this new outreach project you’ve been working on, you prefer having the team in person to collaborate.

as you button your top, bruce comes up behind and wraps his arms around you, stopping you from finishing.

“bruce…” he cuts you off by kissing your neck. you leave your shirt half open as you turn around and put your arms around his neck. you kiss, letting yourself forget about work. he slides his hands down your back and pulls you in tighter. you won’t ever get enough of this.

your phone’s alarm sings to tell you it’s time to leave. bruce pulls it out of your pocket and silences it, tossing it on the bed with a smile.

“i really should go today.”

“i think you should stay.”

“i don’t know…”

“it’s not like you’ll get fired, i’m your boss.”

you laugh lightly.

“maybe i should fire you, would mean you’d get to stay home all the time.”

you laugh again and kiss him.

“well maybe i could take a sick day today.”

“don’t worry, i wont tell anyone.”

he smiles and kisses you again. all that time getting dressed was for nothing as bruce unbuttons the rest of your shirt and you slide your pants off. while this isn’t a usual part of the morning routine you’ve established, you welcome the variation.

you run your hands through bruce’s hair and watch his chest rhythmically rise and fall as he sleeps. you let him sleep as long as he seems to need to, which is much longer than you thought it’d be. you eventually drift off too, the sound of his quiet snoring lulling your eyes closed.

it’s not until late afternoon when you both wake up again, the thick curtains unable to hide the sliver of sunlight peering in.

“you let me sleep so late.” bruce sits up in bed.

“you seemed like you needed it.”

he leans down and kisses you then gets up and starts getting dressed.

“the weather is supposed to be nice today.” you sit up. “maybe we could go to the park.”

he looks at you and smiles.

“that would be nice.”

you get up and get dressed too.

“i’ll go ask alfred to pack us some lunch.”

“okay, sounds great.”

he gives you one more kiss before heading downstairs. you finish getting ready and grab your phone off the floor. a text from tim, your former coworker in california, sits in your notifications. he and his husband have adopted a young girl. you smile at the family photo he sent and reply with your congratulations. as you look at the message, you let your mind wander and start to think about the prospect. of course you know bruce would be an amazing parent. but you’re not sure if you’d be. or if that’s even what you want. your life is so perfect now and you don’t think you want any of it to change. at least not for a while.

you go downstairs and find bruce packing some sandwiches into a bag. he zips it up and looks at you.

“ready?” he asks.

“ready.”

you decide to walk to the park since it’s only a few blocks away. the sun sits on your skin like a warm blanket as you and bruce walk. the two of you sit by the pond under an oak and eat your late lunch. the sound of birds and ducks paired with the cool breeze rushing through the tree leaves make for a perfect spot. you and bruce lay down in the grass and kiss, your picnic site offering enough privacy that you don’t have to worry about people seeing you. it’s not as if either of you care anyway, really. you’re not trying to hide your relationship, and with bruce’s status it’d be nearly impossible to try. but you still try to avoid paparazzi when you can. you and bruce lie there in the park together until the sun sets slowly behind the hill.

“we should get going before it gets too dark.” bruce sits up.

“i suppose we should.”

bruce grabs the bag and holds your hand as you make your way back home. night falls quickly as you walk. with only a couple blocks to go, you hear a commotion up ahead in an alleyway. sounds of a fight echo down the street. bruce stops walking and lets go of your hand.

“stay here a second.” he hands the bag to you and starts walking toward the source of the sounds.

“wait, shouldn’t we call the police or something first? or maybe we just wait for the batman to come and take care of it. you shouldn’t go down there by yourself.”

“you can call the police.” he continues.

you let out an exasperated sigh and watch bruce turn the corner. you press the numbers 911 into your phone. you finger is just about to click the green button when a strong hand covers your mouth and drags you backwards. you scream into the glove as loud as you can but the fight drowns out your attempts at getting bruce’s attention. all you can do is move around as much as possible to try and shake this person off you but they tighten their grip and then you’re being pushed into the back of a van.

three other people are inside and they grab you. you feel the rope burn your wrists as they tie your hands together behind your back. your throat already feels like it’s being torn apart from screaming. one person spreads a strip of duct tape over your open mouth but you still try to scream for bruce. suddenly a sharp pain strikes the back of your head. the tears have been blurring your vision but now everything is even fuzzier. you let out one more sob before the pipe hits you again and everything goes black.

pain.

that’s the first thing you feel when you finally come to. that’s the only thing you feel. a throbbing, deep pain throughout your entire body like you were just spit out of a cement mixer. you’re hands are still tied behind you and your ankles are stuck to the legs of a metal chair.

you force your eyes open, but everything is still dark. have you gone blind? is your sight gone? where are you? who took you? why can’t you move? you cant see you can’t move you can’t breathe you can’t hear you’re hurting you’re crying you’re screaming you’re shaking you—

the sound of a heavy door swinging open makes you freeze. strong footsteps slowly get louder and louder, closer and closer. the footsteps stop behind you and then you’re assaulted by a harsh bright light. it was a hood over your head, and the figure has now taken it off. the footsteps make their way around you and he stops in front of the chair you’re tied to, his back toward you. your breath shakes as he just stands there, staring straight ahead.

then he starts… crying? his shoulders shake and he gets louder. no… he’s laughing. he slowly turns around to face you, his red painted on smile sending a chill down your spine.

he bends down so his face is level with yours, your noses so close they nearly touch.

“good morning sweetheart.”

the tears continue streaming down your face as he straitens back up and turns, walking toward a table against the wall in front of you. he stops at it and slowly picks up an almost comically large knife.

you sob at the sight of the weapon, knowing it’s intended for you.

“i have a problem.”

he sets the knife back on the table and turns, walking towards you. the door opens again and you see a man in a clown mask rush by and place a camera on a tripod in front of you. he presses a button and a red light comes on and flashes at you.

“a problem that can only be solved by you.”

you somehow find the strength to open your mouth and speak, the words coming out hoarse and quiet.

“…m—me?”

“yes. i am in need of some… capital. some dineros, some cold. hard. cash. now i know you’re dating ol’ brucie and i know he has some access to just a bit of money.” he walks around you and stands behind the chair. “so, brucie boy, from your friendly neighborhood joker, deposit some dolores for me in a safe and lock it up real tight. bring it to the chaplain bridge, in person, at midnight tonight along with the key and you’ll get to see your precious little babe once again.” he grabs your face and squishes your cheeks together.

“oh, silly me, i forgot to tell you how much! let’s see, oh, how about, $50 million. that seems fair enough, don’t ya think?!”

he bends down so his face is next to yours.

“isn’t 50 million enough to save the life of your dearly beloved?”

he pulls something out of his pocket. you feel the cold barrel of a gun press against your temple and let out a sob.

he pulls the gun off your head, still pointing it at you.

*click*

you scream and jolt away. terror runs through your body like electricity.

you look over and he’s still staring at you with the gun pointed in your direction. out of the barrel popped out a banner, with the word BANG! on it. he turns back to the camera and waves.

“see ya tonight.” his tone is sinister and he laughs again.

the man in the mask flips the camera off. he tosses the gun behind his back and it clacks as it hits the concrete. he claps his hands together.

“so! now’s all that’s left to do is sit by, hang tight, let loose, and wait for midnight!” he laughs again and he and the other man leave the room with the camera. the clang of the door closing echoes throughout the room as you sit there alone.

you let out an ear-piercing, guttural scream and continue sobbing. all you want is bruce. you call for him, over and over, hoping by some miracle he’ll hear you through the thick concrete walls. you keep screaming, so hard and so loud that you vomit. now bile covers the front of your shirt and tears cover your face.

the echo of the door rings through the room again and fast footsteps approach. another man in a clown mask with a syringe in his hand unties your arms. before you let him stab the needle in, you punch him in the throat as hard as you can muster. he gags at the blow at stumbles backwards, dropping the syringe. you lean to try and grab it and the chair you’re tied to tips over onto the floor. your face slams into the concrete and you hear a crunch in your nose. you cry out and now all you see is red. you fight through the pain and reach for the syringe. it’s right there, just centimeters away, when a large boot stomps on your hand, surely breaking multiple bones. you scream in pain as the chair is reset upright. you scream and sob as the men grab your arm and stab the now-dirty needle in your vein. you keep crying, but as the seconds go by, you hear yourself getting quieter. the room around you spins in slow motion as your eyelids get heavy. the last thing you see is the joker’s white face and red smile.

your eyes slowly flutter open again. you didn’t know this was even possible, but somehow you wake up in even more pain than before. the joker is still standing there in front of you. smiling. laughing.

“you’re spunky. i like you.”

you all but growl at him as he walks toward that table in the corner, picking the knife up again.

“i thought you’d be asleep until our appointment with good ol’ bruce but the tranq must have been watered down!” he turns to you and laughs.

he carries the knife as he walks toward you.

“at least now we can have a little fun!” he takes the knife and you close your eyes, preparing yourself for the pain. but instead you feel the rope around your wrists and ankles fall.

“what’s say we play a game, hmm? i’m gonna bring in three of my best boys. and the longer you can stay upright and fighting, the more likely i’ll be to not kill you and your dear dear bruce tonight.”

the door opens again and three sets of footsteps walk in behind you.

you just stay sitting in the chair. how are you supposed to fight these huge men?

the joker sighs.

“if you’re gonna be a party pooper, then i guess we’ll have to find another game to play. maybe… target practice?” he throws the knife above your head and it hits one of the three men square in the chest. he falls backwards. dead.

you gasp and try to hold back tears as the joker just laughs.

“guess i do need some practice… i was aiming for his head! haha!” he buckles over in laughter again as you try to catch your breath.

“well good news now is you only have to outlast two goons!”

you slowly stand up, not wanting the next knife to land in your sternum. one of the men walk over to you. the joker takes the gun from before out of his pocket and holds it up above his head.

“ready? fight!” he pulls the trigger with a click.

a huge fist comes flying at your face and makes contact with your cheek. you fall to the ground in pain. he kicks you in the stomach and you just stay there, laying on the ground. he stomps on your chest, your stomach, your head. all you feel is blow after blow. the joker is just laughing at your misery.

you feel a rush of adrenaline run through you and you growl in anger. when the next stomp comes toward you, you grab the booted foot and yank as hard as you can, bringing the man to the ground. you’re surprised you had the strength to do that. you quickly stand back up and kick him in the face, breaking his nose too. you kick him in the crotch and he screams. you sit on top of his chest and punch him with your unbroken hand. over and over and over. all you hear is the sound of the joker’s maniacal laugh and your own grunts as you beat the guy’s face in until he no longer resembles even a man. finally you stop, feeling proud of your strength but guilty for your brutality.

before you can get up from sitting on him, the other man is picking you up and slamming you into the concrete. your shoulder hits the ground hard and you scream. he picks you up again and throws you back first, your head colliding with the concrete so hard you’re sure they’ve both cracked. he grabs the front of your shirt and lifts you up. your body goes limp from exhaustion and he forcefully sits you back on the chair. he punches your face. one. two. three. four. five. six. times then he finally walks away. your vision is blurred and you’re seeing colorful stars flash all around you. you look down and see blood dripping down from your face and onto your lap. the joker just laughs again.

“well, you fought off one! bravo! of course that means only one of you will die tonight. shame. lovers dying together is the sweetest ending of all. romeo and juliet… swan lake… the notebook...” he pretends to wipe a tear. “but oh well. at least now you get to pick who dies! haha!”

“me.” you immediately answer. “kill me. not him.”

“awww how noble! sacrificing yourself for the love of your life, it’s a beautiful thing! very well. you’ll be the one to die.” he takes out a pocket watch. “my oh my look at that! it’s showtime, baby!”

you get tied up again and dragged out of the room. the hood is placed back on your head before exiting, and you’re thrown back into a van. the drive is longer than you expected. how far out of town were you?

the van stops after what you guess was about a half hour long drive.

you’re dragged back out of the van and onto the street. the hood is removed and the joker is gripping your neck and leading you onto the bridge.

you make it to the middle and he shoves you to the ground. you only now notice the gun in his hand.

“oh bru-uce! show me the money, baby!”

his voice echos across the water under the bridge and you wait. you hope he doesn’t come. you hope he’s decided to let the police handle it. you hope he didn’t choose to risk his life for you. because although the joker assured you that you’d be the one to die, you obviously can’t trust that he won’t pull the trigger on bruce too.

���come out come out, wherever you are!” the joker yells in a singsongy voice. “well isn’t this a disappointment! at least it was gonna be fun to kill you. now i almost can’t even enjoy it.” he points the gun in the center of your forehead. you close your eyes and let yourself cry.

you picture bruce’s face. flashbacks of when you first met him come to mind and you go through it all. you think of his smile, how it was crooked and always made you smile back. you think of his hair, how it was always just a little tussled and never quite laid flat. you think of his skin, how it was warm and how it felt against yours. you think of his laugh, how it can at times feel rare but when you hear it, it’s like the world stops. you think of his eyes, how they’d glow like warm honey when the sunlight hit them just right. tears stream as you think of every part of him. how you wish you’d spent more time memorizing him.

you hear the cocking of the gun and you gasp. you only now realize how afraid you are to die.

suddenly a loud clang behind you startles your eyes open and the joker stumbles backward. a large, dark figure comes swooping in and tackles the joker to the ground. the gun is kicked away and you watch as the batman punches the joker in the face, repeatedly. the men from the van come rushing in and the batman takes each one down with little effort.

soon, he’s standing in the lowlight of the bridge, looming over the bodies of his victims of vengeance. he walks back over to the joker and picks him up by his collar and holds him over the bridge above the water. the joker laughs.

“well then what’s it gonna be batty-boy?! you gonna kill me?! do it!”

the batman hesitates to drop him into the rough rushing river water below.

“do it!” the joker laughs in his face again.

you see the shine of red and blue lights flashing behind you and hear sirens. the sound of many footsteps come rushing onto the bridge as officers take the bodies off the ground and into custody. a few more train their guns at the batman and instruct him to let the joker go. after some time, he flings the joker back over the railing and slams him onto the ground. the officers rush to handcuff the joker and the batman walks away, back toward you.

“this isn’t over, batman! it’ll never be over!” the joker laughs again as he’s dragged away by the officers.

the batman bends down behind you and unties the ropes around your wrists.

“are you okay?” he asks, quietly. his low, gravely voice tinges with familiarity.

you just nod and he scoops you up and carries you to the ambulance. he gently sits you on the gurney and the paramedics begin treating your wounds and setting up an iv. the batman just stands there and watches, as if to make sure you’ll really be okay. you stare back at him, trying to place this strange gut feeling. the medics walk away for a moment to grab something else, leaving you and the batman there, just looking at each other.

the medics come back and start to bring you into the ambulance. up until the moment the doors close, you and the batman just continue staring. the medicine you’ve been given starts to work as you feel your eyelids get heavy. your last thought before passing out is of bruce.

the tubes in your nose and the cast on your arm are the first things you notice when you awake. your eyes adjust to the light of the hospital room and you look around, your eyes landing on an unexpected face.

tim is there, sitting by the window sleeping. alfred is in a chair next to him. he notices you’re awake and presses the alert for the nurse.

“hello, dear.”

“alfred…”

“i’ve called for the nurse. just relax.”

“…where’s bruce.”

“he… had to go to the police station. to finish up the case.”

“but he’s okay?”

“physically, yes. but i don’t think i’ve ever seen him so distraught. i’ll call him now and tell him you’re awake. he’ll want to see you.” alfred leaves the room and you see him dial his phone.

the nurse comes in and checks your vitals, making sure you’re getting enough medicine. you have a concussion, a broken hand, your shoulder was out of socket, and your nose had to be realigned. apparently it’s been days since the incident.

the joker is in custody at arkham, but that’s doesn’t give you much reassurance since he apparently has broken out of there before.

tim wakes up and walks over to you with tears streaming down his face.

“are you okay?” he asks.

“just peachy.”

he laughs lightly and wipes a tear away.

“i was so scared.”

“me too.”

“but you’re gonna be okay now. you’re okay now.” he reassures himself. you didn’t know you meant so much to him.

“thank you tim.”

he smiles softly.

“i should go call chris and let him know you’re okay.“

“okay.”

tim walks out of the room as alfred comes back in.

“bruce will be here soon.”

“thank you. i’m glad you’re here alfred.”

“of course, love.”

tim comes back in and says that chris sends his regards.

“he’s been worried sick, watching the news while also taking care of the baby.”

“if you need to go tim, go. i understand.”

“im sorry i can’t stay.”

“really tim, it’s okay. thank you for being here.”

tim smiles and holds your good hand.

“i’m just so glad you’re okay.”

“thank you.” you smile back at him and he leaves.

alfred moves the chair to be closer to your bed and he holds your hand as you wait in silence for bruce.

bruce comes rushing in wet from the rain with tears in his eyes. alfred gets up from the chair and gives it to bruce. bruce sits in the chair, holding your hand, and the two of you just sit there together.

you’ve never felt fear like that before. of course you were afraid when your mother died, but you were so young. and your father was sick for a long time before he passed, so this crippling feeling of terror was something you’ve never had to experience before and something you hope you’ll never experience again.

“i’m so sorry.” bruce fights back tears. “i should’ve never left you alone. i should’ve known better. i thought i was protecting you but really i just put you in danger. this is all my fault.”

“no it’s not.”

“it is.”

“no, bruce. it’s not.”

“i was just so… angry. at him. i still am. i really thought i was going to kill him.”

you furrow your brows in confusion.

“you mean… like… if you’d have been there? at the bridge?”

you notice alfred looks up at bruce with a curious look on his face. bruce turns his head to look back at him. alfred just nods.

you look at both of them, perplexed by this silent agreement between them.

“what’s going on?”

“there’s something you need to know… about me.”

“okay…?”

“i… i’ll show you when we get back home.”

“alright.”

bruce and alfred clear you with the doctor and confirm that you’re ready to leave so you get in the car to go home. you just lay in the backseat with your head on bruce’s lap. he runs his hand through your hair as alfred drives you all home.

the press is already there, ready to get a statement from you and bruce about the whole ordeal. of course you and bruce don’t say a word as he carries you inside.

he sets you down on the couch and lights a fire. alfred goes to the kitchen to make you something to eat. you lay on bruce’s chest on the sofa, watching the flames rise and fall. the heat of the fire brings you comfort, but bruce’s warm touch makes you feel at peace for the first time since that day at the park.

hours go by, the fire has become just a few orange embers, and you and bruce have eaten dinner. you suddenly remember what bruce said back at the hospital.

“what is it you wanted to tell me?”

bruce sighs and helps you up off the couch.

“i need to show you something.”

you slowly walk hand in hand to the library down the hall. you don’t come in here much but you know bruce and alfred do.

bruce goes to a wall in the back and pulls a book off the shelf. you hear a click and he pulls the wall out, revealing it’s a door to an elevator.

“what the fuck…”

bruce opens the elevator door and leads you inside.

“what is this?”

“something you need to see.”

the elevator slowly brings you down to a lower level you didn’t even know existed. bruce opens the door and leads you out of the elevator and into a basement. or at least what you think is a basement. inside, you see computers, televisions, and other tech items around. a motorcycle sits there too… along with a familiar-looking car. bruce lets you wander through the area. you try to absorb what this all is.

“what exactly am i looking at here, bruce?”

he walks over to a door and opens it to a closet. what’s inside, sitting on the shelf, makes you gasp. you slowly pick up the mask.

“i’m sorry i didn’t tell you.”

“why… how…”

“i’ve been doing this for years now. i just… this is how im able to try and help. only alfred knows.”

“and you couldn’t tell me? why?”

“everyone who knows about this is in danger. i couldn’t knowingly do that to you. but you deserve to know.”

“i… don’t even know what to say.”

bruce closes the closet door.

“i come down here every night. that’s why i’ve been gone so early in the morning. i’ve known about joker for a while and have been trying to track his whereabouts.”

“but now, he’s locked up. he’s gone.”

“as long as he’s alive, he’s a danger. and it’s not just him. you’ve lived here your whole life. you know what these streets are like.”

you just nod.

“so… this is what you do every night. you go out, after i fall asleep then return before i wake up.”

“i try. but some nights are longer than others.” bruce walks up to you and holds your hand. “but now you know.”

you just nod again, not quite knowing what to say.

“i will never forgive myself for leaving you alone that night, and i will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it.”

you look up at him. a tear rolls down his cheek and you wipe it away, leaving your hand on his face.

“i was so afraid of losing you.” he speaks barely above a whisper.

“you’re not gonna lose me. i’m here. i’ll always be here.”

he kisses you. in this room, this room that’s been kept a secret from you. this other side of bruce that’s been kept a secret from you. you want to be angry, but all you feel now is peace as he holds you in his arms.

whatever future may come, whatever troubles you will inevitably be forced to face, you know that you’ll now be able to do it together.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………….

[calinaannehart]

the parts we play

Buck isn’t a firefighter, he just plays one on TV, or at least that’s what he’s about to do. He’s offered the chance to shadow the 118 to learn what it’s like to be a firefighter. Eddie is fed up with these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that he loves. Buck, however, is nothing like that and everyone can see the connection they have.

Eddie’s day is ruined.

“You can’t be serious, Cap?” He protests, looking at Bobby imploringly. “You do remember what happened the last time Hollywood sent an actor who wanted to play dress up?”

Six months after Eddie had said goodbye to her on the beach Felisa Valdez had waltzed into the firehouse, publicist hot on her heels with an announcement that she was to shadow the 118 in preparation for a future role. The call from the chief had come a few minutes after her arrival confirming her visit and instructing Bobby to allow her out on calls to observe what the job entails.

It was argued, given the 118 had attended no less than four emergency calls in which they had rescued her from one situation or another, that Felisa was already more than familiar with the workings of a fire crew. Her publicist, however, countered that she was a victim on each of the calls and therefore needed to be the one in uniform. Bobby had drawn the line at that, but Felisa was given a seat on the engine and she observed them while they worked, albeit a little too closely at times.

The publicist had taken a near-constant stream of photographs for the duration of Felisa’s three-day visit, photos of her with the crew, photos of her being shown pieces of equipment, manning a hose, sliding down the pole, donning a helmet. In every one her hair had been perfect, her outfit on the tighter side and a pose that was unrealistic to the job at hand, but were posted all over her social media, tagging each of them at the official LAFD account.

Still, they had all survived the three days with no injuries and their dignity somewhat intact.

That was until the movie came out.

It turned out to be a low-budget B-movie, so low in budget that it bypassed the theatres completely and was released directly to TV. Felisa had excitedly called Eddie with the channel info and the date and time it would be on which had ended up being during a 24-hour shift. They had settled in to watch at eleven o’clock in the evening and that should have been their clue.

Felisa’s movie turned out to be, essentially, a very badly written and directed (and acted) softcore porno set in a fire station. Bobby had flushed and made a hasty exit to his office just fifteen minutes in when the first sex scene started, muttering about damage control and calling the chief.

“I do, and I was promised that wouldn’t happen again,” Bobby tells him, his tone placating. “Brass themselves have gone over the script and they’ve talked with the production team. It’s a big multi-million dollar movie this time with some big names attached to it.”

“Like who?” Chimney mumbles around a mouthful of celery and peanut butter, dipping the stick back in for another scoop. Pulling out his phone Bobby thumbs open the screen and scans his eyes over the email he had received with all the information.

“Todd Fame, Kelli Edwards, and Evan Buckley.” 

“No way, Evan Buckley?” Excitement fills Chim’s face and he sets the jar of peanut butter down on the counter. “Man, he’s done some good stuff, Time Wars, Echoes of the Past, Midnight Mirage, oh, and that rom-com that came out last year, Tatiana loved it. Are we getting him? That would earn me some serious boyfriend points.”

A silence fills the space after Chimney’s ramble, half a dozen amused faces staring at him. “Boy crush much?” Hen asks sardonically, a wave of sniggers following her words. “Isn’t he the one gossip magazines are always publishing articles on? I’m sure I’ve seen one about him having slept with half of Hollywood and constantly getting in bar fights.”

Bobby quirks an eyebrow at her. “Since when do you read gossip magazines?”

“Karen’s always picking them up when she gets the groceries,” Hen explains. “But my point is that maybe Eddie’s right, I mean, do we really want another Felisa incident?”

“Come on, Hen, those magazines are trash, there’s probably not an inch of truth in them,” Chim says, prompting another eye roll from his partner. “All I’m saying is that we shouldn’t judge him before we meet him, he’s a really good actor, okay? I’m not ashamed to admit he’s made me cry more than a few times.” Chim admits freely.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of opportunities to tell him that,” Bobby continues. “He’s coming by this afternoon to sign some personal injury waivers and then will join us for our next run of shifts.”

Chim all but dances on the spot as he whips out his phone. “I can’t believe I’m gonna meet Evan Buckley, I gotta call Tatiana, this is so gonna get me laid!”

“Eddie, I want you to be his liaison while he’s here,” Eddie’s attention snaps back to his captain.

“What? Why me?” Eddie protests. “Let Chim do it.” He points to the man talking animatedly on his phone.

“The last thing this guy needs is someone fawning all over him, you’ll treat him just like everybody else, and most importantly you’ll watch his back.”

“Watch his…Bobby, you’re not seriously going to let him out on calls with us, are you?” Eddie’s expression matches his flabbergasted words.

“I am, that’s why he’s coming in to sign the waivers. He needs hands-on experience, Eddie, and you’re the one I trust to keep him safe,” Bobby lays a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, leveling him with a look. 

“I just hate these Hollywood types turning up and feigning interest in the job that I love for a few days just to earn a billion-dollar paycheck,” Eddie grumbles. “They don’t care, Bobby, it’s just a game to them.”

“All you have to do is talk to him about the job, share some of your experience. It’s just for a few weeks and then he’ll be gone.”

Eddie sighs. “You promise?” He asks, sounding too reminiscent of a petulant child and Bobby just chuckles.

“I promise,” He squeezes Eddie’s shoulder before stepping away in the direction of the mezzanine, no doubt to start breakfast. “Hey, you never know, you might end up real close.”

read on ao3

[artzzyb00-27]

Fire-fam kids Teenage Adventures: Influences

The way I pulled and Evan Buckley and did an ungodly amount of research to find out if Christophers age here was still somewhat reasonable. I pulled out my calculator! Trigger warning: shootings

It had been a month and a few weeks after his first day of high school. Specifically at Theodore Roosevelt High. Sure Eddie had been more than a little worried, but Chris was confident he would be fine. Don't get it twisted, at first, he wanted to go to school with Denny and Harry. But after thinking it over, he decided it would be better to make connections on his own.

Buck was more than happy to let him try his own thing as long as he was being safe. After the painful slow burn, Eddie and Buck tied the knot and have been married for two years now. It was nothing but heaven. Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't scared his little boy was going off to high school.

"I declare you, officially a teenager. Welcome to angst and acne forever!" Harry had said that when Christopher's fourteenth birthday came up. Harry was already sixteen by now so he knew a thing or two. Denny, who was now fifteen, had recorded the interaction to show his girlfriend and Christopher's secret friend. Not really a secret but Eddie and Buck didn't know about him yet so it technically was a secret. There was a reason Christopher pushed so hard to go specifically to Theodore Roosevelt.

Manuel "Manny" Salvador Gutiérrez. Mouthful of a name to say at once. It's why he preferred going by Manny Gutiérrez. Harry and Denny met him when Chris invited them to the mall saying he wanted them to meet someone. Manny was the type of guy to be tough and stoic. To be known as the troubled kid who looked like could throw a mean punch(he could) and not get hit at all.

Always wearing worn-down Vans with slightly baggy jeans, sometimes ripped jeans, an oversized shirt with a jacket over. Or sometimes a graphic tee that color matched with his Vans and leather jacket.  He dyed hair at the ends, piercings(eyebrow and nose), and small tattoos because his mom let him.

Underneath that though, kid was a total dork. Once he warms up to you he's a complete softy. Like a big furry black dog. Looks intimidating, but is dopey at the sight of his favorite person. And that person was Chris. They had met in Junior High in math class, which was Manny's best subject. The teacher recommended extra credit to tutor Chris and since then they've been best friends.

"Wonder what's taking so long?" Eddie hummed in response at Chimney behind him. After learning they had a 24-hour shift, Hen, Chim, Buck, and Eddie had decided to carpool in the black minivan so it would be less gas on everyone. Noticing the time they got out, Buck texted Carla ahead to not worry about Chris because they would be able to pick him up.

"Not sure, he's usually out by now. The final bell rang like 20 minutes ago."

Looking around, he couldn't spot his kid. He'd begun taking on a different style of dressing recently. Drifting slightly away from bright colors but keeping his nerdy side. His hair was also slightly different. He had shaved sides that weren't vibrant but still shined. Wore more Converse than  Eddie had in his whole life.

Hen looked out through her window, which was closer to the school gates, and saw Chris walking out but without his backpack smiling.

"I see him at the gate but he doesn't have his bag." Buck and Eddie turned to look and were surprised that Hen was telling the truth. Chris had this thing with bags,  that if he didn't have it on him during school hours, he wasn't functional. That's when they saw a 5,6, light-skinned boy with purple-tipped hair in curls in a messy mullet, running up to their son with a backpack on his body and holding Christopher's bag for him on the other.

Eddie's eyes bulged, he barely even got to touch the bag, including Buck. He wondered how Christopher allowed the boy to hold his bag as carelessly as he was. As the two teenagers looked around, Christopher saw the minivan, smiled, and waved. The boy next to him doing the same. Buck, Chim, and Hen waved back smiling.

Not Eddie, he was still in shock and protective dad mode. As the boys walked over Eddie inspected the kid closer. He got a weird feeling and immediately disapproved. Then again he didn't know him so judgment was base level.

"Never would've thought Christopher hung out with punk rock kids," Chim commented making Hen snort and Buck smile while glancing at the back seat diagonal from him. Hen moved back through the open middle and sat in the very back seat. As the door opened, Eddie adjusted himself in the driver's seat so he could look at the pair better.

"Hey everybody!" Christopher said cheerfully.

"Hey!" Was the synchronized greeting. When nothing came out of Eddie except a soft smile, Chris raised an eyebrow but chose to ignore it for now. Turning to his friend while reaching for his bag Christopher spoke.

"Thanks again Manny, I'll text you when I get home." The blonde said whilst putting his bag on the floor of the van. Raising his hand waiting for Manny to do the same.

"Más te vale menso." He replied in Spanish while dapping up Chris. Walking away after Chris closed the car doors, he put on his headphones and walked off down the street.

"Who was that?" Christopher gained a weird expression, not because of the question in general, but because of the tone his dad used. Is he angry at Manny?

"My friend. Why?" Laughter came from the other three "adults" in the vehicle while Eddie started the van giving Christopher more confusion than before. After dropping off the other two firefighters at their respective homes, the family of three headed home. Once inside, Eddie wanted to start asking Chris about Manny but the person of interest interrupted with a phone call. Unintentionally.

"Hey, big man! How's the homework Garcia gave us? N-no! Oh, come on! Another Delta math-, I swear he secretly hates us-,..." The sound of conversation drifted away as Christopher dashed into his room for privacy. A small laugh pulled Eddie from his thoughts.

Turning around to glare at the man who he loved oh so much, but would very much beat up for making fun of him.

"What?"

"Yeesh, spicy Díaz, my favorite. Wish  I could have you to myself early." Buck sauntered over whilst pulling his lover in by the waist. Getting a petty pout from the shorter one.

"Siguele, aver como te va. Don't act like you're not worried either." Eddie sassed as he placed a soft kiss on Buck's lips, the latter happily reciprocating. Pulling away, smiling Buck sighed.

"Nah, especially cause I already knew." He informed his husband, who's eyes widened in shock. "I walk into Chris' room to put some clothes away and saw the Discord call open,... and their messages." Buck looks down somewhat shamefully.

If Eddie was immature, he would ask what the messages had said. However, today was not the day, he needed to know Buck's opinion. (He'll press him for details later when they go to bed) Smiling with jaw agape, he couldn't help but chuckle at his pale lover with blue eyes.

"So you're telling me that, you were judging me, for being too snoopy of my son.." burying his face against Eddie's shoulder to save embarrassment, "And you-!"

Laughing slightly cut him off, to be fair, he was laughing too.

"YoOU decided to SCROLL through our little boy's messages?? You?! The 'laid back' parent?!"

Cackling at this point Eddie was smiling uncontrollably whilst watching Buck wallow in shame.

"You guys okay?" Chris said smiling at how affectionate they were being peeking his head out of his door. The pair turned to look at their son. Damn, he'd gotten tall over the time he'd entered high school.

"Yeah, we're good bud. We're just laughing at something." Buck assured the blonde boy.

"Okay, hey is it okay if I go over to Manny's tomorrow after school? It's his birthday and we wanted to spend time together," Despite the emotional manipulation tactic(taught to him by Buck no doubt) Eddie caved and agreed to let him go, reluctantly, as long as he texted when they went anywhere different location-wise.

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So be it the next morning Christopher was gone for school earlier than Eddie and Buck were up for their 10-hour shift, and he got suspicious. The last time that happened Christopher made pancakes and burned Eddies. On purpose. Called it revenge for when he was a kid who couldn't fend for himself. He got noogied for a good bit after that one.

Looking at his phone after brushing his teeth, he saw a message from Chris. Saying he left early with some friends because they were stopping by the store near the school. They were grabbing snacks to eat in class because their teacher didn't care as long as they multi-tasked(they wouldn't), and finished their online notes(they won't).

Looking over his shoulder, Buck smiled in awe. He looked so proud of his son that it made Eddie's heart melt.

"He's growing up now huh?" Eddie nodded but stayed silent. Raising a brow in concern, Buck turned the shorter firefighter to face him and gently lifted his face with his index finger. Poor Papa Eddie, had small tears forming in his eyes. "Awh, Eddie, mi amor. It's okay."

If you think Buck didn't hold Eddie for a solid 3 minutes whilst rocking slowly from right to left? You're wrong. He even moved his hands against the man's face and kissed his forehead. Pulling back into the hug, Eddie nuzzled his head in Bucks' muscular figure.

"Don't forget he still needs us." Eddie knew that, but the thought of Christopher one day leaving to be on his own was terrifying.

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And need them he did. How did it go so wrong so fast? At first, it started like a normal workday. Mess with Chim and Ravi, gossip with Hen, work out with Lena, answer calls, and help Bobby make dinner. Stuff that was unexpectedly expected. That is till 1:30 when a call from a school. Saying that there was an active shooter in their walls.

"It's at Roosevelt," Bobby said without wanting to go into detail. Everyone in the back seat froze and gazed upon Eddie and Buck who quickly interlocked hands to try and pace their breathing to focus. "Think you can handle it?" Immediate nods from the pair answered. The others smiled solemnly.

Once arriving at the school they noticed police officers everywhere around the school, thank god, and students across the street on the far side of the park. They caught sight of Officer Morales, a good friend of Athena's, talking to the Principal.

Athena went up to them once seeing their arrival.

"Whoever it is, it's a student. The cameras Reid hacked showed no footage of anyone sneaking in on school grounds. I need you guys to go in and find some kids that are still in the building-" A loud series of gunshots were heard. People near but far enough away from the danger could be heard crying, yelling, or swearing. Reluctantly Athena looked to Eddie. "Christopher is in there still. Along with four others. We need to hurry. My group will flank left, you go right, I want this child caught."

Without wasting another second, and no time to fully think about what she said, the team applied bullet bulletproof vest underneath their jackets and broke a window to get in through the science labs. Walking around as silently as possible they tried finding the shooter without giving them a hint of an idea that they were inside. 

Granted, shattered glass in an empty room isn't the quietest. Walking around Eddie's heart was beating quicker than ever. Of all things, why a shooter at his son's school? Then Eddie thought back to what Christopher had asked him yesterday. Poor Manny must think today's the worst birthday ever.

Hearing a crack, they froze. Getting ready to duck into cover in the classrooms or run across the hallway. The sound of running gets nearer, with a shadow then rounding the corner to face them. Manny.

The sigh of relief from the kid was the opposite of what the firefighters felt. The boy was covered in blood and his hair was more messy and gross from sweat. Bobby prayed that it was someone else's blood in an attempt to trick the shoot. Manny scanned each of them till running up to Buck and Eddie.

"I know where Chris is! Come on!" He whispered. Looking at the other firefighters he gave them information on where the shooter was. "She's on the top floor, I drove her away from where Chris was and looped around. She thinks I'm still up there."

So it was a girl. Snapping out of it Bobby radioed Athena and told her to meet upstairs to corner the shooter and catch her.

"Her?" Athena's surprised voice could be heard.

"She's the daughter of a gun shop owner. She must've been pissed enough about Monday morning to pull this," Monday? "Careful, it's not a pretty sight in room S-16." This poor kid. Following Manny down the hall he came from, they made it to the Library and headed to the back.

Digging through the ripped wallpaper, he opened up a hidden room. Inside Christopher was having a panic attack, holding a pair of long scissors. Once seeing Manny he dropped them and lunged into the taller kid's arms.

"Manny! Dads!" The boy said hugging his parents whilst his friend watched. Taking a good look at him, Christopher wasn't injured. Smudged blood from hugging Manny in the relief of seeing his friend alive.

"We gotta get them outta here," Buck said before shots were fired upstairs.

"Go, I need to find Angie. She's still in the upper bathroom. I saw her text." Manny told Christopher, almost forgetting the adults were still there. Seriously?

"No time, come on!" Eddie yelled and went to pick up Chris. But Manny was two steps ahead and grabbed his arm running away. Groaning Eddie and Buck ran after the pair. Eddie was cursing in his head, what the hell is wrong with him!? Putting them in jeopardy like this.

Seeing them stop abruptly, Manny pushed his arm against one of the fire escape doors. It looked like one of the other students propped it open to let others out in case they were still inside. When Eddie and Buck reached them, Eddie walked through the door and tried, key word tried, to drag them towards the truck.

"No, I need to get to Angie! She's still in there!" Manny yelled out trying to rip out of Buck's hold.

"Manny! She's gonna be okay, I know you don't trust law enforcement but these are good ones. They're my family," Chris calmed(reprimanded??) his friend and led him towards the truck. Once they got to the truck, Hen ran over to inspect the injuries on Manny while Eddie checked Christopher to double-check if he was injured or not. A thump broke the inspection though. Looking up, Eddie saw Manny lying down in the truck with Hen panicked.

"Manny!" Chris yelled, leaning over his friend trying to wake him up.

"Oh my god-, Eddie I need gauze for pressure, he was shot in the stomach!" Scanning the boy, he noticed the splotch of blood on his white shirt over the torso was getting darker. Also spreading and staining the vehicle along with the boy's jacket. A brief sight at the jacket let Eddie read out a name on a patch on his right arm. U.S. Navy Airforce it read.

"Shit! Buck! Grab Chris!"

"No! Buck let me go! Manny!" Chris yelled trying to break free from his pop's arms. Looking back at the scene the kid was barely breathing but needed serious medical attention quickly.

"We need to get him to the hospital. Now!" Nodding her head, Hen and Eddie transferred him to one of the ambulances and rode off to the hospital nearby. 

"Stay with us kid, just a little longer!" Manny was looking around the ambulance looking at Eddie trying to respond to him. "No, no, no, don't talk, focus on breathing. I need you to stay with me! We're almost there!"

Looking out the window of the ambulance, Eddie's heart broke more. The sight of leaving Christopher behind in Buck's arms, still trying to break free and run after the ambulance. Eddie didn't doubt tears were streaming down his son's face.

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Later after arriving at the hospital and dropping the kid off, Eddie asked the nurses, whom he knew personally from all of his and his husband's escapades, to give him updates on Manny. She agreed relieved after inspecting the file quickly and said she'd let him know anything that happened.

After an hour of searching and a shot police officer, they were able to catch the girl responsible. Apparently, on Monday morning one of the teachers shamed her for her behavior. Saying it was her attitude wouldn't get her far in life especially because she didn't have a mom. the teacher didn't apologize and the people who she asked for help didn't do anything about it. That doesn't excuse the shooting and the lives it cost. The teacher she tried to get wasn't even hurt after the fact.

Parents were crying whilst firefighters and police officers consoled them. Returning to the scene for any additional tasks, Eddie scanned the area looking for his team. After catching sight of Buck and Chimney, he and Hen ran up to them.

"Where's Christopher?"

"Carla took him home, Bobby let me call her to make sure he was away from here," Buck said from behind him. Looking around slightly Eddie saw Ravi sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. "Ravi was up with some of the officers and Bobby trying to get the shooter. She aimed her gun at Ravi and a kid hiding in the corner jumped in front of him. It went right through his skull. Held him in his arms and took his parents into the building to mourn." Eddie grabbed Bucks' hand and walked up to Ravi.

This poor guy couldn't catch a break. Looking up, Ravi revealed his bloodshot eyes and pale face.

"It wasn't your fault," Buck said leaning on one knee with his partner copying. Putting an arm on the shoulder for comfort. Shaking his head, Ravi bit his lip to stop more tears.

"I'm sorry Buck, but right now I can't believe that. I don't think I ever will either."

After that Bobby told them all to go home and spend time with themselves and their families. Once opening the door to their house, Eddie and Buck were tackled into a hug by their son and then a softer one from Carla. After she left, Eddie gave Christopher an update on Manny. He was stable but wouldn't leave the hospital for a few days.

"Do you know his parent's phone number? I don't know if they followed to the hospital after getting a phone call." Chris gained a pained expression and rubbed his eyes, pushing his glass up in the process, before responding.

"They aren't home, they're in Miami. They're truckers, so they're never really around." Eddie took a glance at Buck who was looking down at the table saddened even more. "They're good people, just not around a lot. He was mainly with his uncle till last year. I can't say more than that, it's personal and should come from Manny."

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The next morning school was canceled for the next two weeks. Along with encouragement for parents to seek therapy for their kids. Chris already had one, but Manny had become a concern now in Eddie's mind. Birthday at the same time as shooting and almost dying was not a good combo.

"When Madison pulled out her gun she was in the English room. Me and Manny were walking down the hall from turning in papers when we heard the gunshots. We thought something loud hit the floor till she came out, saw us, and shot. I froze, but Manny reacted and shielded himself in front of me. Grabbed my hand and booked it downstairs. I was able to pull the fire alarm in time whilst someone else called the cops. Angie was the one that wasn't in the room so she dialed 9-1-1." By the end of retelling the incident, Chris was sobbing in his father's arms, trying to speak but couldn't.

After a small breakfast, they all headed to the hospital and saw the multitude of parents in the waiting room. Some with tears, others with anger on their face. Some blank.

"Why are we here?" 

"This is where we brought Manny, figured you'd want to see him. Plus he deserves a good party for his birthday. Sixteen's a big one." Chris brightened up at the idea but went back to somber at the idea of Manny connected to tubes keeping him alive.

"Hey there, you visiting that kid you brought in yesterday?" the same nurse from the other day asked. Smiling Eddie nodded, holding up a bag with a cake inside. They stopped at the store quickly to buy a mini one. Eddie hoped he loved carrot cake. It was the only one they had.

"If that's okay. Don't wanna overwhelm him after yesterday." Buck coaxed, probably trying to subtly tell Chris they might not let him in due to not being on the emergency list.

"Yeah, honestly better you three than no one at all." That brought frowns to Eddie and Buck. His parents weren't home yet then. Going up the elevators and walking the halls down, they got to the room. Taking a deep breath Chris opened the door and saw Manny awake looking at something on his phone. Looking up he visibly relaxed yet still looked worried. Meanwhile, Chris was just happy to see his friend alive running over to hug him.

Buck had his arm over Eddie's shoulder and leaned his head on the latter. This kid wasn't so bad. And he deserved so much better than what the universe handed him this week.

[centi-pedve]

been scouring the regretevator wiki cause i was curious (terrible wiki btw i am so sorry. one page has a citation that just links to some discord bullshit which people who are not in the server obviously cant see) anyways i am getting a terrible impression of the creator(?) and i would be interested in your thoughts on this business if youd be willing to share :3

oh goodness gracious... well we do have Some thoughts and we dunno if they match your own concerns since, we purposefully don't go out looking for whatever the creator has said but yeah even from a distance it's. Not looking good. (Already mentioned some of these before but for the sake of putting it in one place we'll be redundant)

definitely has his own takes on certain characters, headcanons, and the like. it was silly at first but as time went on and the more effort he put into pushing negativity over certain things the less fun it became. we think, if you want people to dislike a character, you try and make them dislikeable within the context of the story and then let people form those opinions. rather than being weird about the fact that there are still people who do like the character and punishing them by denying them the most basic things or even involving them in the story at all because Doesn't Deserve It. yes this is primarily about unple/asant

related but... too much of a reliance on telling stories with twitter or other unofficial platforms. did we learn nothing from the dumbledore is gay tweet. like a huge amount of information on the wiki that is very important to understanding the characters are just is NOT in the game, like if you played the game fully you'd still need to rely on the wiki to be able to participate in fandom. honestly a large part of that is why we're so biased towards certain characters! unple/asant and infe/cted are the only characters with lore and trivia and such that we've bothered to go on the wiki for and memorize. we've played the game for hours and hours but that doesnt mean much lol. once again, unple/asant especially, it literally DOESN'T TALK or participate in ANY of the active dynamic story because Doesn't Deserve It but there's still things to know about unple/asant and people who like the game just want something!! like dunno the overuse of social media in storytelling just makes it so much more unfun, we don't like how information is released and the fact that we need to rely on external material that... is sometimes taken back because the creator has gone on record Just Saying Shit. favorite example vv

Which is really funny considering it has 1 piece of dialogue on the game. So it can physically speak, and is also not "mewing 24/7" by result of having that dialogue (pretty sure the creator was just encouraged to say that without giving a fuck but, whatever). but the things that happen in game are second to the creator's twitter feed AMIRIGHTFELLAS

3. the,. the ableism. we've heard people tried to bring it up with the creator in the past and they were ignored so we feel comfortable mentioning it lol. bi/ve is a stereotype of someone who suffers from paranoia really, we mean we love her but... lol... and we will say it again pe/st should not canonically have npd or aspd. like omggg the evil character that robs people has two pds negatively stereotyped as belonging to evil people we're sure there was no bias in this decision. maybe we'd be less bothered if people didn't treat it as so serious and pretend to be cluster b allies like "you have to give him some understanding cuz he has aspd and npd 🥺" like no because he's evil, also maybe it wouldn't hurt to care about real people with those pds instead of a caricature. also the half-hearted throwing around of the word "mute" for unple/asant has been pointed out as ableist by a lot of people.

tldr uhhh wuhgghh NOT A PERSONAL ATTACK nobody get us (: nobody talk us...

[eddiemunsonswhxre]

where have i been?

an update for those curious.

hey there my loves, long time no see.

i’m not sure how many of you will actually read this or care to see why i haven’t written in over a year now but typing this stuff out helps me process and get back into my groove.

well, today is january 16, 2024. the last thing i posted that was an actual one shot was posted on january 3, 2023. i haven’t written since. 2023 was my worst year yet and caused me to learn a lot about people and myself.

things were going alright in the beginning, i was in my second semester of college and my biggest problem was 2 of my 3 roommates (lived in a quad) hated each other so me and my bestie/3rd roommate had to play mediator and it was exhausting. i started liking a guy and got my hopes up. and i started to get more and more annoyed with school and my living situation every day. i was ecstatic to move out of that room despite hating my hometown. the day of move out, one of my roommates who i thought was someone very close to me blocked me and all of our friends on everything with no explanation but we knew she wasn’t coming back for 23-24.

i like where i grew up for a maximum of a week at a time, after that my depression just kicks my ass and im not having a great time. my plan for the summer was to work my ass off so much so that i wouldn’t have time to think of anything else. that backfired, because a few days after i came home one of my two jobs fell through unexpectedly and my other job was giving me less than half the hours they promised me. i was broke. everyone says it’s so easy to get a job these days because everyone is hiring but i applied to over ten places within a reasonable distance from me and didn’t get a single one. so i spent too much time with myself and that’s not normally a good thing.

to make matters even worse, in june my mom was sentenced to three years in prison for a crime she committed back in 2020. i don’t want to get into too many specifics, but my mom would never harm anyone she just has struggled with addiction. my mom was my constant emotional support, and knowing she was no longer going to be around ripped me to shreds. not even a month later after my mom was shipped off to prison, my dog died. and i know you might think “dogs die all the time it’s a pet.” but my dog was much more than that. she wasn’t even three years old and was a beautiful great pyrenees german shepard mix and she was the sweetest girl ever. i don’t care how ridiculous it sounds, because i know my soul and hers were meant to be together. i was even in the process of registering her as an emotional support animal so i could take her to college with me because she was finally old enough and for the most part out of the puppy phase. but one night out of nowhere she got really sick and within an hour of her showing signs something was wrong she died while i was holding her. not the greatest thing for a 19 year old who’s already struggling to experience. it took my over a month to stop seeing her like that every time i closed my eyes. call me dramatic, but that dog really was a child to me.

after that, i went to stay with my cousin for a few weeks and that was nice but i still knew i wasn’t feeling right. i moved back to school in august and had way too high of hopes that everything would fix itself. surprise, it didn’t. in fact, i just got worse. i reached lows i haven’t hit in over two years. i was having roommate problems, i was trying to do way too much at once, and i was neglecting my health. i had a breakdown.

the highlight of my semester was taking a week off to visit my best friend since age 2 for her birthday (she lives roughly a 2 hour plane ride away from me now) with our other two best friends. then i came back and immediately totaled my car. my car was a piece of shit yes, but it got me places. not having a car when you’re a person who drives around to destress is not fun. i was even worse mentally at this point and i was trying so so hard to get into my overbooked doctor to get my medications raised. the only constant i had were my three friends at school and my studies. so i threw myself into them. i was never alone and if i was i was nose deep in a text book. i was just avoiding the rest of my existence. i was able to get my meds upped and decided i was done wallowing. i started a diet that is actually manageable and enjoyable and discovered for the first time workouts that i actually liked doing. it was something small, but i knew i was turning myself around.

i went home for winter break knowing it was going to be tough. i also had to spend this time looking for a new car. it was an extremely stressful process to say the least. but i focused on myself, taking all the time for myself that i needed and processing everything that had made me get to such a bad place. i’ve always been very spiritual, so i dove more into that as well as trusting the universe.

i’ve decided that 2024 will be my best year yet. i got a new car, im getting a new job, im doing great in school, my mom is getting released from prison literally six hours after i post this, and im taking care of myself in more ways than one. while doing a lot of that reflecting, i remembered how much i used to love to write and how that passion just died after loving it since i was ten. i started small, doing short story exercises and getting into reading again. i finally, after an entire year, have my passion for writing back.

i can’t promise i’ll be consistent with uploads because i’ve decided that my goal for the year is to write a novel. so that project is going to be my main focus and it isn’t anything fanfic related, it’s actually a psychological thriller. more than likely i will be asking for opinions on here throughout the year as well.

with that said, my plans this year for this blog are to keep posting. eddie munson is mainly who i write for, but i want to expand my horizons. i want to challenge myself with genres and types of characters. i will greatly appreciate any requests you can give and i promise i will read through them. if i don’t post them right away, just know it may come out three months later. sometimes inspiration sparks at weird times.

if you’ve read this far, thank you. i hope this can inspire you to see that there’s light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes you’ve gotta dig the extra dirt to it yourself. beyond thankful to anyone who was here a year ago and has come back to read my new stuff- you made an aspiring writer really proud of herself.

much much love

-eddiemunsonswhxre 🤍

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

how did the thermidorians exactly start their plan and gather supporters to their cause and finish the plan successfully?

Bonus questions: I always wondered that during the period of robespierre's fall did the thermidorians tried something like winning friends of robespierre like le-bas couthon saint-just or the people who sided with robespierre etc. to their side?

Only If you want you can share the answer as a special post in 9 thermidor because it is close (after two weeks maybe) so yeah .. do whatever you please.

That is actually a bit more fuzzy than might first be expected. Important to remember is that, while a conspiracy to undermine Robespierre may have already existed beforehand, what actually played out on 9 thermidor was not the result of a longgoing plan as much as something cooked up at the last minute, in response to the unexpected speech Robespierre had held the day before. It is unlikely a coup would have taken place when it did had said speech not existed. Laurent Lecointre even admitted shortly after thermidor that:

Even though [Robespierre’s] death wasn’t the result of any combined plan, it nevertheless avanged the national representation, that has proven, through its courage, that it feared the tyrant less than it did the danger of striking him without success.

Lecointre wrote this in the pampleth Conjuration formée dès le 5 préréal [sic] par neuf représentants du peuple contre Maximilien Robespierre, pour le poignarder en plein senat (1794). From it, we learn what he (along with Fréron, Barras , Courtois , Garnier de l’Aube, Rovère, Thirion, Tallien and Guffroy, who co-signed the pampleth) had been doing to undermine Robespierre in the weeks predating thermidor. But, as the title already suggest, their plan had actually been to stab Max to death in public, as opposed to having him arrested, outlawed and executed like how things ended up going down:

Amar and Moyse-Bayle told me, at the liberty salon, on 24 prairial (June 12) in the presence of our collegue Mallarmé and the people who heard us, that the decree of 22 prairial was the work of [Robespierre] alone, that the committees had had nothing to do with it. After having told them that the committees had therefore not fulfilled their duty, I proposed to them that I myself denounce to the Convention such an extraordinary fact. They stopped me by reminding me of the political considerations which then governed the Convention, the fear of an early and unsuccessful split. I replied: ”You know me. I did not strike down a tyrant just to gain another.”Since that time, our hate was public. On 6 thermidor I asked Robert-Lindet on his opinion of a monster who had plunged the republic into such a deplorable state of debasement and servitude. On the 7th, I spoke to Vadier about the furies of a tyranny whose progress we would perhaps no longer be able to stop. To me, they all appeared convinced that we still had to wait, and that the favorable moment was perhaps not far off. At that time, the indictment that I was preparing against the traitor and his accomplices had been completed; Fréron who helped me with his insights, Barras, Rovère, Thirion, Courtois, Garnier de l'Aube, Guffroy and Tallien etc advised me to attack him in person, so that success would be more certain. The roles were divided to support my opinion, and to combat with force the sophisms of Robespierre, but they were of the opinion that the memoir should be printed and distributed an hour before being read at the National Convention: Guffroy was in charge and had promised, from the 6th, to have it printed; and it was solemnly sworn by us that if the truth succumbed, we would immolate the tyrant in the middle of the Convention. Happier events preceded the execution of a project whose success was inevitable, but whose consequences could have disturbed the public peace. The monster is dead, he has, by his imprudence and his delirium, revealed all the villainy of his plots and his liberticidal projects; but his fall would perhaps have compromised the freedom of the citizens less, if my advice had been followed.

Fouché, who several contemporaries pointed to as the leader of/important for the conspiracy wrote the following about his role it in his memoirs:

I did not trifle in contending for my head, nor in long and secret deliberations with such of my colleagues as were threatened with my own fate. I merely said to them, among others to Legendre, Tallien, Dubois de Crancé, Daunou and Chénier: "You are on the list, you are on the list as well as myself, I am certain of it!” Tallien, Barras, Bourdon de l'Oise and Dubois de Crancé evinced some energy. Tallien contended for two lives, of which one was then dearer to him than his own: he therefore resolved upon assassinating the future dictator, even in the Convention itself. But what a hazardous chance was this! Robespierre's popularity would have survived him, and we should have been immolated to his manes. I therefore dissuaded Tallien from an isolated enterprise, which would have destroyed the man, but preserved his system. Convinced that other means must be resorted to, I went straight to those who shared with Robespierre the government of terror, and whom I knew to be envious or fearful of his immense popularity. I revealed to Collot d'Herbois, to Carnot, to Billaud-Varennes, the designs of the modern Appius; and I presented to each of them separately, so lively and so true a picture of the danger of their situation, I urged them with so much address and good fortune, that I insinuated into their breasts more than mistrust, but the courage of henceforth opposing the Tyrant in any further decimating of the Convention.  "Count the votes," said I to them, "in your committee, and you will see, that when you are determined, he will be reduced to the powerless minority of a Couthon and a Saint-Just. Refuse him your votes, and compel him to stand alone by your vis inertiæ." But what contrivances, what expedients were necessary to avoid exasperating the Jacobin club, the Seides, and the partisans of Robespierre. […] My eye was on him; and seeing him reduced to a single faction, I secretly urged such of his enemies who still clung to the committee, at least to remove the artillery from Paris, who were all devoted to Robespierre and the Commune, and to deprive Henriot of his command, or at least to suspend him. The first measure I obtained, thanks to the firmness of Carnot, who alleged the necessity of sending reinforcements of artillery to the army. As to depriving Henriot of his command, that appeared too hazardous; Henriot remained, and was near losing all, or rather, to speak the truth, it was he, who on the 9th Thermidor ruined the cause of Robespierre, the triumph of which was for a short time in his power. But what could be expected from a drunken and stupid former footman. 

That his enemies spread slander and fear in an attempt to undermine him was also something Robespierre himself seemed aware of:

Since a long time back, men who call themselves representatives of the people, and whom I do not regard as such, at least as a man, because I believe that one must have a soul to be a representative of the people; a certain species of men, I say, deploy all their strength, all their means, all the energy, to throw poison into the pure soul of a part of the members of the Convention. They seek to bring together, at suppers, at dinners unworthy of republicans, pure men, men whom we would embrace as brothers, and who know neither these meals nor the guests. There, the object of the conversation, heated by circumstances, is slander against you, against those who are regarded as true patriots, against the Committees of Public Safety and General Security. […] Learn then that there is a league of corrupt men who try to make believe that the Committee of Public Safety wishes to attack the members of the Convention in general, and the estimable members in particular. We have this confession from some of our colleagues themselves, who do not sleep at home, struck with the terrors which these scoundrels have inspired in them. […] Currently we are in the same position, without having even had the intention of prosecuting any culprit. No, the Committee of Public Safety has not drawn up a new indictment against anyone; but men who call themselves representatives of the people, and who are not, I swear by virtue, embitter against you estimable deputies, colleagues whom we regard as good citizens. Take care, they tell them, there is a new indictment drawn up against certain members, you will be included... Certainly you will be included. The infamous add adroit circumstances to these perfidious reports; and we believe them. We have, I repeat it again, the details of these criminal artifices of the deputies whom the Committee ranks among the best citizens, and who no longer dare to live in their houses. Robespierre on June 27 1794

Of course, these claims just revolve around the conspirators gaining the trust of other Convention deputies. When it comes to getting broader public on their side I had a harder time finding any sources. The only thing related to this that I know of is the theory that the multiplied amount of executions in the weeks before Robespierre’s fall was actually the result of a sabotage by his enemies who through it aimed to paint him like a bloodthirsty tyrant to make him lose the public’s approval, but, like I already wrote in this post, I haven’t yet got a hang on what sources that idea is actually based on (besides the fact that Robespierre himself claims that’s how it is in his 8 thermidor spech).

Once Robespierre, Saint-Just, Couthon, Lebas and Augustin had actually gotten arrested, the conspirators mainly seems to have focused on laying their hands on other robespierrists in power, the majority of which were those executed on thermidor 10, 11 and 12. Once word got around that the five deputies had escaped from their different prisons, the Convention also took the measure to outlaw them to easier get them condemned.

As for if the thermidorians sought to save any of Robespierre’s allies or win them over to their side, I only know of the story that Barère wanted Saint-Just to be left alone, though for the moment I don’t remember from where it comes (not Barère’s memoirs as far as I saw…?) It should be remembered that Augustin and Lebas actually volunteered to share their friends’ fate right after they got arrested, so who knows if they would have been left alone had they refrained from doing so… Though given the fact how big the robespierrist purge actually ended up being, I’m not that sure anyone would actually have sought to spare them, unless they themselves had gladly been willing to switch sides…

[stormxpadme]

Whumptober 2023 No. 24 - If only I could dream in a little less colour

Scogan Bingo challenge Neighbors AU

Scott would have easily made it in time if it hadn’t been for Charles of course using the excuse of today's date for a courtesy call, meaning yet another badly disguised attempt at trying and get Scott to change his mind. And these kinds of conversations you didn’t want to have on your mobile on the street and the subway unless you wanted half of New York to learn, you happened to be both a former teacher in a mutant school and the no-longer aspiring leader of a mutant military group not too long weeks ago. Not a good idea, with how, once more, alarmingly mutant-unfriendly the mood in general public felt lately, especially since the news of the Cure had broken.

It took Scott almost 20 minutes before he managed to end that damn call as just hanging up on his foster father would only have meant being forced, having to continue the argument telepathically. By that time, he had to all but run to the elevator to not lose even more precious time. And that was how he came to make the first crucial decision that night, upon realizing that said outdated transport cabin luckily was right on his floor, only its doors were just about to close. "Wait! Hold it, please!" Much to his annoyance, whoever was inside the lift ignored his shout so that he had to go even faster, slipping through the far too narrow gap between the closing doors at the last moment. Another day, he might have given an irritated comment about rudeness but with both his anxiety and his excitement about the upcoming procedure at the City Hall growing by the second, he wasn’t feeling like starting a fight right now.

Not to mention that one glance at the guy at the other side of the cabin let Scott know, he'd probably only have gotten a grunt for an answer anyway. It was the maintenance guy. Figured. Scott had only run into that certain, notoriously nonverbal neighbor a couple of times since moving in here but that had been enough for quickly deciding that giving that attractive muscular, slightly stocky shape any attention? Best to be filed under delusional fantasies, judging by the utter lack of interest in interacting with the building tenants that this dude displayed. Probably he'd only found himself thinking about that rugged, remarkably handsome face more than once lately in the first place because he'd seen the guy get himself hurt pushing waste containers one day from afar, and promptly instantly heal.

Not something Scott had had expected, but for the sake of his already skyrocketing paranoia about Charles possibly sending someone after him to spy on him, he'd decided that in a city overpopulated with all kinds of enhanced like this … It wasn’t that unusual, two mutants living in the same fairly huge apartment complex.

Either way, for feral guy, Scott didn’t have any patience for right now. Not with how especially slowly this damn elevator crept downwards today. It was only when he paced the small space unusually restlessly for his usual control of body and mind, and something crunched under his boot, that he realized, the dirty PVC ground was covered with lanterns and garlands in probably a whole range of flashy colors that Scott couldn’t make out thanks to his glasses. Given the occasion, the words that the half-torn and scrambled letters on some of them spelled out were still easy to guess. So this was where all that stuff had ended up that had brightened the grey, homogenous corridors of the apartment hallways just a few hours ago still.

"Yeah, I took it down. Big fucking deal," the stranger hissed, apparently noticing Scott's confused frown. "Not allowed on general space anyway. Fire hazard and shit. I'm not getting my paycheck cut for some holiday kitsch."

Scott held up one hand in surrender, determined not to let anyone ruin was what supposed to be his best day since he'd fallen out of an exploding plain as a kid with his baby brother in his arms. "Not my decorations." Another restless glance at his watch let him know he had still two more minutes to get to the station right outside the door which usually should be more than sufficient. Except every single street of this city would be overcrowded today, and with Scott always having to make painstakingly sure to keep his distance from other people if he didn’t want to risk any accidents with his glasses … For example, like almost tripping over his own nervous feet when the elevator cabin suddenly came to a halt, between two floors, and most of the half-blind neon spots on the ceiling went out. His brain needed a moment to catch on before new worry landed a solid blow to his punch, not unlike all these hits he'd been taking in the combat training he'd been undergoing from the age of fifteen on. "What the …? Oh no, no, no, this cannot be happening right now. I got a damn appointment."

When janitor guy, alarmingly unfazed, had the nerve to reach for a cigar in his shirt pocket before sitting down on the narrow bench on the cabin's side with a resigned sigh, Scott let out a growl of his own at the man for once. With two hectic steps, he was at the emergency phone on the wall, only to find that there wasn’t even a dial tone. "What …? This thing's dead!"

"Bub, you seen this place before you moved in here? Why do you think rent's so low? Everything in here is kept together by superglue and goodwill." The stranger lit his cigar, entirely ignoring the warning glare of red from behind Scott's glasses.

"Well, that's just great. So how about you call these people who write your checks on your mobile then?"

"You ever look at your calendar this morning, shades guy? Or out of the window? Who exactly do you think works today?" The man rested one leg on the other knee in continuous, nerve-wracking patience, a half-amused, half-lenient grin on his lips when Scott, in spite of his growing trepidation, couldn’t help but stare at the fascinating game of those thick thigh muscles under a worn, far too tight pair of jeans.

"Pretty sure a couple of guys with fancy car sirens do." Not ready to give up, Scott reached for his own phone though part of him already knew better. He'd indeed been very well aware when he'd left the comfortably wealthy life at Charles' behind, that a big city came not only with safe anonymity but also with the according social and technical issues, including those of the only place he could afford on his new small garage shop salary. Far too much lead in the walls causing basically non-existent reception in the hallways was just one of those. "Fuck!"

"You are the kid who moved into 5B last month, right? You seriously didn’t get stuck in here yet?" The stranger raised his brows at him when Scott continued to walk through the cabin with one hand clenched into a fist, feverishly going through possible options in his head.

"Some people like to keep their body healthy and use the stairs." Scott got only even more pissed off, not least because of the still-burning cigar. If he'd had his damn VISOR on him, he might have shot the simmering tip off just on principle. But not to mention, janitor dude on his part surely had no idea that they were part of the same species, Scott couldn’t even focus on seriously complaining right now. Not when he was dreading more and more, not making it to his meeting in time, and had no idea when he'd be invited to a new one. With those feelings, he seemed to be alone in this lift though. "You really don’t give a fuck about being stuck, huh?"

"Why should I? I don't got an appointment." With that, the stranger went back to smoking, staring up at the semi-darkness of the empty shaft above them through the grated ceiling.

There was an idea at least. The walls of this damn building were paper-thin which Scott knew thanks to already being perfectly able to tell when his neighbor on his left came home to scream at his wife about unpaid pills and when the prostitute on the other side of the hall started working. Maybe if he could get someone's attention, they could call 911 … "Hello? Anyone out there? Guys, this is 5B! Elevator's down! Hello? Guys, this is really urgent! I really need to get downtown! Can anyone hear me?" For a few more seconds, he listened to the silence almost deafening thanks to the broken elevator motor and a building probably basically empty thanks to everyone out partying already, only his own quickening, uneven breathing sounding through the cabin, and the unnerving long drags on that damn cigar from a few feet away … When nothing but silence was the answer, and a surprisingly compassionate headshake from the stranger, as the guy's surely enhanced senses could probably make it out that there wasn’t anyone within earshot, Scott cowered down on the cabin floor, trying to get his breathing under control and not to let the threatening panic choke him.

****

"Still nothing." Once he'd gotten his heartbeat back under control, Scott threw another glance at his phone display, without any hope, but still couldn’t see a single bar.

He probably deserved the next shrug from that bench over there that didn’t need a translation into feral to know which two words it expressed.

Fine. Waiting it was then. He could still make it to the City Hall if someone from the outside would notice the elevator not working anytime soon and call help. Even with so many residents not being at home, that was a pretty surefire bet. Scott had been seldom so grateful for the exact habit that had annoyed Jean so much in the end, of always overplanning things and never going anywhere without a generous time window if he could. He just needed to keep his mind focused on the task at hand lest he'd possibly start overthinking again what he was so dead set on doing tonight, after it had taken him so long to make this decision in the first place. Means of distraction, sadly, weren’t really available for the moment. Well, if anything, this stupid situation at least offered another chance at finding out more about this mysterious stranger whose damn name Scott still didn’t even know. "So, no going out on your part today?"

"I'm not a masochist." The man let out a huff and vaguely gestured towards the building exits. "Why would anyone of their sane mind hit town on New Year's? All these primitives out there who can't hold their liquor, starting fights left and right? Not exactly safe for the likes of us." Well, that answered the question if the guy had guessed by now why Scott didn’t take off his glasses in spite of the cabin's bad lighting. "This is basically a war zone out there, and I've seen enough of those in my time. Got enough entries on my police records already, too," the man added after a, this time dejected-looking, nibble on his cigar. "Holding cells got really shitty beds. Maybe you shouldn’t be in such a hurry to get your cute ass wasted tonight. At least not out there."

"No such luck," Scott gave back with a tired smile. "Told you, I got somewhere to be. I don't fault people for getting a little overexcited tonight. I'm one of them. I'm not thrilled that they could do the damn appointment only tonight, but when you get a freebie for something that usually costs a couple of thousand bucks, you don’t question."

"Hm." The man didn’t seem convinced and didn’t ask, either, but Scott hadn’t really expected that. "Getting up your hopes is never healthy, Shades. Especially tonight. Just one big damn letdown, usually. You build up these huge expectations and wake up with a hangover and disappointed to the bone the next day."

"Whatever." Scott had enough of this pessimistic bullshit. Rolling his eyes, he'd spotted a detail possibly useful in the massive grates up there. Suddenly filled with new energy, he jumped back to his feet and stretched up on his toes. But even with his considerable height, he couldn’t make out what he needed to see thanks to the disturbing quartz coating of his glasses, as the damn cabin had quite a high ceiling. "I think I can shoot the lock of this hatch." He quickly calculated the bill for a possible repair on said access grate in his head and decided, he could cover that with his next paycheck. Which still left him with another problem though. That shaft behind the exit was looking awfully narrow and winding for someone with his stature, slimmer since he was no longer encouraged to work out like a madman every night at the in-house gym but still towering over most other people. "Think you can climb through this tunnel to the hallway?"

The man looked at him as if he'd just grown a second head. "I look like Spider-Man to you?"

Scott eyed him from head to toe just to be a pain, doing his best to hide that in his opinion, the guy had actually a better physique than said famous web-crawler. Dude's ego was surely big enough already. "Hardly. Don’t worry, I'll get your job done for you. Just give me a lift so I can see better. I don’t want to hit a damn cable by accident. Would you hurry? Unlike you, I don't got all day," he snapped, agitation already taking over again when the stranger made no move to get up.

"You need therapy, you know." Sighing deeply, janitor dude finally approached him and wrapped his arms around Scott's waist which promptly sent a surge of unexpected heat through his veins, at the sensation of the steel cords of muscles playing under those thick arms and the warmth radiating off that strong body. The latter being a very welcome change to the winter coldness seeping in through the ramshackle building walls.

Scott called himself to order and sent his juvenile hormones where they belonged. "That thing's full of cobwebs and dirt. I can't see shit. Give me your phone, or mine. I need some light up here." He wriggled a little in the stranger's ridiculously easy hold on him to get to said device in his jacket pocket. A movement which promptly let the badge with his patient name and number that he was already wearing on his belt, slip from under the dark leather.

"The fuck …?" Instead of following the new instruction, the stranger suddenly let go of him so quickly that Scott dropped back to his feet with a thud, an almost disgusted look on his face as he stared at said badge with the stylized clinic's W logo on it. "You're one of the cowards volunteering for that Cure scam? That's your big plan for tonight? Betraying what we are and helping normal people wipe us all off the face of the Earth soon just because you need a couple more Ray Bans than the rest of us?"

Scott stared at the guy in new anger, both fists clenched hard by his sides this time, the pressure of his boiling emotions nurturing the power of his blasts behind his glasses to a point where a hated throb emerged behind his eyes. For seconds, he was looking in his usually not-that-limited vocabulary for any kind of fitting retort, for an insult big enough for this condescending bastard to articulate … But not a single word wanted to pass his lips, not least because it was a bad idea, getting in a possible physical fight with a feral in a confined space, especially one likely to have them both drop to their death if they made too much noise in here. Scott turned away from the stranger, deflated. So much for an interesting new acquaintance. A night for huge expectations turning into the biggest disappointments indeed. He could have tried, sure. Have the same useless debates all over that he'd left Mutant High with against the urgings, warnings, and admonishments of all his friends, his mentor, and the woman he'd once thought to love … But if these people who'd known him for years, already refused to understand, how could he expect a stranger to? Apparently, it was up to fate anyway if Scott would even get a chance to go through with this, at least tonight. He took his place on the ground by the corner again and shut his mouth.

****

"Look, I shouldn’t have said that." The stranger made it through exactly five minutes of the icy silence before speaking up again with an exasperated sigh. Apparently even someone usually so disinterested in social contacts started to feel a little cramped after a while, stuck in a place like this. "Politics have just been scary lately, you know that as well as I do. Thinking what those half-cooked drugs might do to the ones among our kind who can no longer deal with the pressure just pisses me off. I never had good experiences with normal people experimenting on the likes of us. I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. You really wanna give me the silent treatment now for as long as it takes until they find us?"

"Not sure. You really wanna hear what I'm thinking right now? About you?" Scott gave back, still insulted and offended, not to mention more pissed about missing his damn appointment by the second. Unleashing these negative feelings on the next person within reach wasn’t entirely fair, especially since the guy did have something of a point, he supposed, but it wasn’t like the world had ever been fair to him. When the janitor just shrugged at him once more, tilting his head expectantly, he let out a snort and got up again, crossing his arms in challenge. "Well, by your accent, I'm guessing you grew up somewhere in bumfuck Canadian nowhere. Feral like you, shaped for battle by nature but mentally far too much out of control for regular duty? You surely signed up for the next best merc group the moment you were legal. After a couple of kills too many for the wrong side, you found out you had a conscience and deserted. You didn’t have the motivation for a real job though, so you let them pay you for keeping this ruin here together while you smoke and drink your days away. And because you fucked up so much in your life, you think you're not worth any warmth and happiness from anyone around you. So you bite people away before they do as much as give you a second glance. Oh, and also?" Scott had talked himself into a frenzy and just had to get it out, maybe just because the guy had let him down so much a minute ago, and even though the dude had turned suspiciously pale on his bench over there, entirely forgetting about his smoke. It was rude and spiteful and not like Scott at all, but fearing that the only chance at his happiness was just being blown out of this damn shaft, he was on the verge of losing all that self-control and polite distance to people he'd taught himself ever since mutating. Not like that had ever gotten him anywhere anyway. "Your New Year's allergy? I bet some high school jock with the IQ of toast let you down at midnight like 20 years ago, and now you think everyone you meet has to pay for that. Am I close?"

"Alberta," the stranger answered flatly, looking him in the eye as if he could see right through his glasses. By his hunched shoulders and that terrible emptiness suddenly in his gravelly voice, Scott could easily read that his thoughts were miles from this cabin suddenly.

Already, the bad conscience for his outburst hit like a freight train. "Huh?"

"Alberta, Canada. Can't tell you where exactly. I lost my memory five years ago. Been trying to find any clues ever since. No such luck. Moved here when I was getting tired of cage fighting to make a living. Some old mental dude in a wheelchair upstate New York found me on the road someday and helped me get the job. Dude probably still thinks I'll return the favor and help his little facility of sleeper agents out with some fight someday or something. Whatever. Never heard from him again and I'm not interested, frankly. I've had enough of war all my life from all I can remember. When you're supposedly more than a hundred years old, you've seen a few."

"A hundred …?" Scott's eyes went wide, the shock about the almost casual mention of his old home, of his former mentor from someone maybe not a stranger at all, almost immediately forgotten. Charles … Goddamnit, Scott should have known that the guy would find some way to make sure, he'd still be in some way in Scott's life, watching him, even if it was just by casually placing him in the same damn house as some old acquaintance. That was something Scott would have to think over long and hard once he'd no longer be busy with tonight's far more important plans. The next call with Westchester would definitely not be a friendly one. But for the moment, he neither found the energy to even tell the stranger about his suspicions nor to dwell on that new aggression of being constantly manipulated by his foster father. Not in the light of another, almost even more astonishing revelation from that stranger. Scott wasn’t even entirely sure why the guy was suddenly being so candid to him of all people. Or maybe he did know; maybe the two of them ending up here together did have a reason he also would have no chance to think about before tomorrow came. But that, too, was overshadowed by his sheer amazement and the shame about how much he'd really misjudged this stranger. Sure, he'd known in theory that ferals could get really old without hardly aging at all, but suddenly facing one of these people then … Facing the sheer weight of grief and history such a person carried, even when the latter was lost apparently, that ball of pure depression and frustration of a person there on the other side of the cabin … That was a whole different deal. Charles was a lying asshole, but Scott had to admit reluctantly, his mentor probably hadn’t been off about at least some of his lectures in the course of his years anyway. Including all those about restraint and a good, firm check on Scott's emotions, especially when he didn’t have all the information on a situation yet.

Before he could think of a badly needed apology, the stranger looked up again with that terrible lost expression in a pair of sunken dark eyes, a hard tug around broad lips that let the guy look older than his genes should allow. "And no. It was right after deserting that my arch-enemy killed the girl right in front of my eyes just to hurt me. That's one of the memories not even amnesia couldn’t wipe out. Fireworks had just started if you need to know. That made it easier. Drowned out the screams."

And just like that, Scott suddenly seriously considered cutting a hole in that damn floor below him and climbing out towards the nearest exit never to return. Talk about putting his damn foot in his mouth.

******

When the silence became too deafening, Scott started talking again, not least to maybe try to make it clear to the stranger why he'd just been such an ass. And also because he felt it wouldn’t have been fair, leaving him in the dark about them both having been used from afar by the same person in some way.

Janitor guy didn’t seem too surprised by his story, not even really commenting on it save for a bitter snort and a headshake, which in turn probably shouldn’t surprise Scott. Ferals came with a brilliant set of instincts usually, especially regarding people they shouldn’t trust.

That was something Scott especially on this night once more wished he would have had himself. "Xavier took me in after I'd made it on my own in foster homes and on the streets for a couple of years. At that time, I was far too grateful for that to realize, the guy just needed someone to lead the new strike team he was building. Don’t get me wrong, I'm still grateful to him, and I don't think it's a bad thing what he's doing, trying to keep the peace between our kind and normal humans. But I already got a mutation that doesn’t leave me the freedom of choice in many regards. After the first few missions and when my relationship with a teammate fell apart because work and fun don’t go together for me, apparently … I realized I'd never actually stopped to think if this was what I wanted. Guess that is what I came here for to find out. To see if there's another path in my life I want to take. And now I think I found one."

The stranger regarded him thoughtfully over the edge of his cigar that he'd somehow forgotten to light again in the last few minutes, and patted the bench next to him invitingly. "Logan. My name. Or just call me idiot, I guess," he said with a rueful grin when Scott dropped next to him. A mutually apologetic nod exchanged had the last of hard feelings fade away. "Scott, right? Well, let me tell you from experience, when it comes to decisions like this, I think is awfully vague. For how long have you had these?" He nodded at Scott's glasses with still that pensive frown.

"I was twelve. It happened shortly after my parents died and my brother vanished. That plane crash rendered the control over those damn blasts useless, for a lifetime, from all that Charles' doctors could find out." Scott rubbed his eyes under his glasses as he felt his headache grow stronger as if his mutation wanted to comment on the whole situation … or rear up in protest because it knew exactly what was coming tonight. Hopefully. "When I heard about the Cure, that was when I started questioning my role with Charles. I know there's no guarantee it even works, and there's no long-term studies yet but … Thing is, I didn’t think I would even get a chance at a shot so quickly. I just won the damn ticket when they did one of these case study lotteries. That's not a chance you waste. I'm not proud of running, Logan. I've been fighting for our race, for our cause, for years. But …" He paused, leaning his head back against the elevator wall, not sure he could make it clear to someone with enhanced senses and a healing factor erasing every pain and injury within seconds, what he had to deal with.

He actually expected Logan to try and talk him out of this again. Instead, the guy brushed the back of Scott's hand where it was tensely clenching on his jeans. He was even nice enough to ignore Scott's heart immediately beating faster in his chest again. "Show me?"

"Yeah, not happening." With a strained chuckle, Scott bravely fought his increasingly impure thoughts at the sight of those really beautiful pair of lips, those soulful eyes so close to him now. "The only device that keeps these blasts somewhat in check is in my apartment. You don't want to catch one of these by accident, believe me, healing factor or not. I've hurt too many people before when I didn’t close my eyes quickly enough; not gonna do that again."

"You can hold them back with your body though, right?" Logan reached up for a just as short touch along the straps of his glasses on Scott's temple, the cigar vanished somewhere in his jacket for good. "Come on, use your fingers. Take these apart for me?" He nodded down on the heap of decorations on the floor. "We ain't got nothing to do in here but party tricks for the moment. And you'd do me a favor, honestly."

Because such a thin blast through two fingertips with one eye admittedly was one of his easier tricks, and because Logan seemed truly interested, Scott finally gave in, shooting paper and plastic to his feet into particles before quickly slipping his glasses back into place. "What about you?" he asked with a weak grin when his new friend stared at the pitiful remains of those decorations with large eyes, back to being speechless again for a moment.

Logan silently got up, standing on the bench to stretch to the damn hatch. With a bright, menacing snikt-sound, a blade of pure metal protruded from between his knuckles, neatly cutting the lock in two.

"Just in case you still want to pull that stunt," he remarked dryly, sitting down again when Scott stared back and forth between him and the grate with his mouth ajar.

"I think I'll pass." The damn appointment for the moment almost forgotten, Scott couldn’t help but reach out to that rough feeling spot at the back of Logan's hand where only a faint trail of body fluid the same color as his glasses spoke of the already closed injury from that claw. "That's gotta hurt like a bitch."

"Not usually the first thing people wonder about if they see them," Logan stated quietly after long stunned seconds, his hand slowly turning to grab Scott's before he could pull it away. "And you? You're in pain too. Your breathing's off," he explained with a weak smile when Scott gasped.

"It's … something I'm used to," Scott answered after a moment of hesitation, staring down at their linked fingers, entirely at a loss about why he didn’t pull away. Maybe this long-missed touch of someone caring about him, beyond how useful he could be to them, just felt far too good. Especially while he tried to put into words what he'd been so determined to no longer question this morning. "I just started wondering at some point if I really had to when there was maybe another way. That constant pressure from the blasts being held back … That's one thing. But always being a danger to people and never being able to see the world for what it really is … When the invitation for my Cure shot came, for tonight, of all days …" He tilted his head back again, with a longing stare into the darkness, at the building ceiling over which the first quiet bangs of isolated rockets going off early had started to sound, loud enough even for non-enhanced ears. "It felt like fate. It's been a decade since I was last allowed to see a firework, Logan. I haven’t entirely forgotten yet how beautiful they are. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier if I did, if I no longer saw colors in my dreams and memory. I want to take this chance before I forget completely."

"Dunno, bub." Logan unexpectedly let go of him, that skeptical darkness and a now very clear hint of worry returning to his tense posture as he lit his cigar again. "As far as I'm concerned? You see a lot clearer than most people I've met in my life."

To that, Scott didn’t know what to say so he decided to stay silent again for a while.

*****

With the time window shrinking by the second, resignation set in at some point. When the noise of the fireworks outside grew louder and louder, Scott didn’t even dare check his phone for the time anymore, the depressing silence starting to become painful. "Doesn’t seem like we'll be found anytime soon. Too bad you made me ruin those decorations. Here I was just thinking we could have our own party."

"Told ya, I don’t do New Year's." Logan chuckled, the argument that wasn’t even really one fortunately over.

"All the more a reason to replace those horrible memories of yours with better dreams." Gathering all his courage, Scott reached for Logan's hand again, his heart immediately hammering in his chest when an increasingly interested, curious glance met his, the man next to him licking his lips in a gesture almost too brief to notice … if you hadn’t been waiting or it. "Come on! Ball's dropping only once a year. Not sure about the time, but people do usually kiss at midnight, right?"

"No idea. I'm not a traditional guy as you might have noticed," Logan warned him, but it came with a lot less bite this time. "Since we are in this together, though …" And without having to talk much about it, they both knew, that wasn’t only true for their little predicament in this damn cabin tonight. But those were matters early enough talked about again tomorrow. It was far more interesting suddenly how those beautiful lips looked from up close, slightly opened as they were slowly approaching …

And then the damn elevator cabin started to move again.

Scott wasn’t finished yet cursing all the damn fortune gods of this verse by the time they reached the ground floor to a crowd of impatient other tenants already waiting. Some technician in a grey uniform grinned at them proudly, for having been so fast, and there was even someone Logan knew, judging by the exhausted groan on his lips.

"The fuck are you doing here, Wade?"

"Getting you to the party I told you about of course. Since you didn’t answer your phone, I came here to see what was up. You should thank me." The guy who was obviously off to a costume ball, judging by the red and black latex suit covering both his body and face. Wrapping his arm around Logan's shoulders, he entirely ignored his friend's reluctance and warning growls, dragging him with him towards the exit. "Who's that cute ass over there? You two made good use of that hour in the cabin, huh?"

"Shut it, Wade. Get out of here. Told ya, I'm not coming." Logan pushed the overly excited weirdo out the front door and turned back to Scott, looking definitely a little regretful himself about the sudden end of their little adventure. "So. You can still make it to City Hall, I think."

"Yeah, gotta run." Only Scott didn’t feel like saying goodbye yet, not like this, not after what had almost just happened. "How about I buy us a bottle of booze on my way home? We could watch a movie or something."

"From all I heard about those drugs, you'll spend the next two weeks puking your guts out, bub. But if you're still game after that … Apartment 1C." At least no longer that aggressive about Scott's choice, Logan pulled him in for a hug, this time not even sparing his friend a glance who was already sticking his head through that door again, whistling at them. "No one can take this decision off your shoulders, Shades. Might wanna remember though that new chances don't expire at midnight on New Year's. Just don’t do something you might regret. Now get the hell out of here."

"Going." Quickly turning away before the other man could see the returning unsettled frown on his face and possibly throw him off balance for good, Scott hurried away.

****

Somehow, he'd known, the whole time. Maybe he'd even hoped for it a little. In any case, the last tears of humiliation about the disparaging comments from these damn doctor hacks immediately dried behind Scott's glasses when he left the City Hall behind and suddenly saw Logan standing right before him, softly pulling him back into his arms as if not a second had passed since they'd parted in the hallway.

"Still got your Ray Bans, huh?" It wasn’t a question and certainly not one of surprise.

"I balked when they came with the needle," Scott admitted, shuddering in the stranger's arms at the memory of these cold sterile facilities, all these people who were so eager to reduce the number of mutants on this planet as quickly and thoroughly as possible … Christ, what had he been thinking? "I told them I needed more time to think. They said, if I go now, I wouldn’t need to bother coming back. And that I was ruining my only chance at a proper, normal life."

"I hoped you blasted them in their stupid asses." Logan growled at that building as if he was about to storm it and rip all people and equipment for this special procedure parade of the Worthington Labs tonight there to pieces.

Scott decided they could both find something better to do on the last night of the year than spending time in a holding cell and buried his hands wordlessly in Logan's hair to pull him down for a kiss. It was a fantastic, mindblowing first touch full of yearning and bliss, and greed that only ended when the increasing number of fireworks and the deafening cheers from the distance let them know, the ball had dropped at Time Square. "Happy New Year, stranger."

*******************************************************************************

@whumptober | @whumptober-archive

@scoganbingo

[dinosaurcharcuterie]

Being a teacher's kid, I very much understand the "curtains are just blue sometimes" people.

It's a bit of a long one so:

Starting at... Ninth grade the latest, for a lot of main subjects in school (math, native language, some sciences, second languages that have been taught since grade school...) there is, potentially, more than one solution to a question. It's a stage you reach at some point if you want to get decent-ish college acceptance rates.

A halfway competent teacher recognizes that and either keeps track, or follows/question the logic to see if it holds water. If it does, your method gets the same passing grade as the one they have been teaching you, though occasionally begrudgingly. (To my Latin teacher who forgot to put "explain" behind a 8-point closed question and got called out by me linguistically when my "yes" was deemed inadequate: hi.)

Native language teachers, in my experience, detest this with each grade it becomes more true. Because you're supposed to use what they're teaching you, instead of "feels right, feels wrong", even if "feels right, feels wrong" works more reliably most of the time. You learned 80% of what you need to know in previous grades. You can usually bullshit your way to a passing grade, even if you've not paid a huge amount of attention.

And then comes the time to analyze a novel, usually relatively late after the point where even the math teacher will give credit if you can stump them.

They can do this by asking students to read it at home. How many will? Ehhh. Depends on the class, really. Or teachers can decide to read it in class and analyze as you go.

With either option, this teacher has read that book back to front for years. They've looked at literary scientific analysis. The experts say, the blue curtains symbolize This Thing, and the experts make compelling arguments based on psychological theories (which the students have had little to no exposure to) and previous highbrow works or historical genres (if it's mentioned in different subjects, those teachers might not have gotten to that part of the curriculum yet).

So now there's a class full of kids who are used to independent thought, asked to analyze what is basically art. If they've read the novel entirely before, their teacher can put forward the idea that the curtains in chapter 3 out of 24 are foreshadowing something intangible. And you'll probably get a decent amount of people agreeing with the Experts on vibes alone (because the experts also work on at least 20% vibes alone). If you're reading in class and have to fill an hour or two with baby feeding the concept of things meaning something else, you are more or less forced to ask students if think the curtains mean something. This makes reading even more of a chore than it already is for the people who weren't going to read the novel at home, which will do absolutely nothing for the atmosphere in the room.

And you'll get a lot of wrong answers. You'll also get a lot of answers that, honestly, would probably make a very interesting and valid literary science bachelor's paper.

But without either the rest of the novel to use as a foundation, or previous experience analyzing a text for meaning, they can't argue on the level they need to get credit. So you are winding back the clock to eighth, seventh, sixth, even fifth grade and saying "No, that's wrong, because I say so". And it's on something that feels like that shouldn't be possible: this is a literary work, it's art, you just said it's open to interpretation. So you get teenagers and even adults pushing back defensively that "the author isn't here, you can't know that!"

Citing experts after several years of "experts used to think" in other subjects isn't really effective unless you can provide the work, which most teachers can't due to time constraints, language barriers or paywalls.

There's teachers who can handle directing this almost inevitable situation into an interesting discussion about intention of the author vs. effect of the text--which they were gonna have at a later point in this course anyway. There's also teachers who snap at being argued with and "finally" have something to put their foot down about.

And, in the latter case, the students know a tantrum when they see one. So you've got years of "if my logic is sound, it's correct, if it's not, I'll be told where I went off the rails" meeting a hostile situation missing the second part.

So not only are the curtains blue to the student, there's now a memory of people who disagree being like [insert crotchety 11th grade teacher here] and their explanations not being worth listening to because there is no substance to them. And there are texts where the color of the curtains is, well, window dressing, which will reinforce that bias.

Easiest way to prevent this annual meltdown? Interdisciplinary cooperation. You start spoon feeding kids early not only "experts used to say", but you also sneak in very low stakes literary analysis in other subjects. (And, in return, occasionally shoehorn other subjects into the ones that require literary analysis later)

If you mention homosexual behavior exists in all recorded species in Earth during Bio, you let the 8th graders know a guy writing about randy penguins did so in obscure Greek and ask them what personal feelings might have motivated that choice in a time when English or Latin were the accepted ways to report findings where this guy lived. Usually in the last 10 minutes of class, so that if they take it too far, it's the next teacher's problem

Different scientists disagree about theories? Let the students see the titles to the studies and ask why they read like a conversation when these people were very much not working together, using the other's theories or even living in the same country. Any schism this creates during 9th grade Phys tends to resolve when it turns out they were both wrong, but made some interesting points.

If you've got a personal historian disagreeing with archeological evidence and observations from travelers, you can discuss that in class. You can also point out where there are "interesting" word choices or phrases that suggest even the author being paid his weight in gold and threatened with execution wasn't enough to entirely wipe out the suggestion that Ingo the Inept Dingleberry might have been at least partially responsible for the twelfth famine of his seven year reign.

Is this more work for teachers? Totally. But it also keeps students invested, so it saves them work in trying to convince Stacy and Kenneth to care, if not about Econ, then at least their Econ grade.

By the time you get to blue curtains... Well, students might still not read the novel at home, but at least they'll be more likely to grab the curtains and run with them than throw themselves to the floor and scream that those curtains are just fucking blue.

I'll never understand the "curtains are just blue sometimes" people. I was soooo fucking excited learning about symbolism. You have a story and what the story tells you. Then you have the fact that it was written at all by someone and that's another story. And then there's also hidden extra story info?

[sillygirlblogging]

august 24, 2024

wow i completely forgot about this little diary blog...

(TW: pregnancy, abortion, eating disorder, mentions of weight gain and weight loss, depression)

i'm back. a lot has changed since my last entry. i'll start small. i reconnected with the best friend i had fallen out with and we are better than ever. well, sort of. i'm kind of four states away because the next biggest thing is that i moved back home. i was dreading it but it's been better in some ways than i thought it would be. my dad is still my dad, possibly worse, but i'm doing what i can to secure my future. which leads to the next thing, i started school again. it's been going alright. it's a little hard to stay productive with everything else going on in my life right now but i think that once school starts for everyone else it will be a lot easier to stay on task.

now for the big big thing. in the end of july last year, two months after i started this blog, i found out that i was pregnant. i was heart broken and thought my life was seriously over. after talking with my mom, who said that she would be by my side no matter what i chose to do but that she would help me make it work if i wanted to keep the baby, i felt strongly compelled to keep the baby and start my family. the father does not know, nor do many other people because i don't want him to. he was heavily pressuring me and harassing me to get me to have an abortion, despite the fact that i told him if i kept the baby i could do it on my own(really i preferred that) and that i didn't want anything from him.

she was born in march and she's the most beautiful little thing in existence. i can't believe there was life before her. but, as you can imagine, my life has changed drastically since that all occurred. i went through the absolute pits of hell. i've never really had bad acne before and my skin broke out so bad i would cry when i looked at myself. i genuinely couldn't see anything but my acne. and there was nothing i could do, nothing worked. i just felt so ugly.

i also really struggled with gaining weight. i had previously kept myself thinner through a long term eating disorder and exercise and i couldn't do either of those anymore. skipping a meal felt like i was already failing my unborn child and my lung capacity was diminished very quickly so i had a very hard time working out. the only activity i could do was go on walks, which i did do somewhat regularly. i gained a lot of weight. i think a lot of it had to do with eating 3 or more meals a day after being on a caloric deficit for about 6 years. my metabolism had definitely slowed. i won't name pounds, but think the weight of an entire toddler. of course some of that weight was the baby, placenta, extra fluids, etc, etc. but when i gave birth, i stepped on the scale about a week later out of curiosity and i had lost less than the birth weight of my daughter.

it feels so pathetic to feel so bad about your body when it's done something so amazing. my body is amazing. but it doesn't feel like it when i look at myself in the mirror and thing about the body that i used to have. i think about the meals i skipped and the hours at the gym to finally get close to the body i had been dreaming and hoping and crying for, and then it was so far out of reach again. it's so frustrating. but now i think maybe it was a good chance to start over. do things the right way. i want to be healthy, i want my lifestyle to be sustainable.

i did start to lose a few pounds here and there after giving birth but it wasn't even close to how fast i thought it would be coming off. and then i was at a standstill. and i didn't know what to do. i had to keep eating because i need to produce milk. but not eating was the only way i knew how to lose weight.

i've learned a lot now about where i was going wrong in my approach to "health" and losing weight before. i knew that what i was doing wasn't healthy but i honestly thought that there was no other way i was going to lose it. information about how to lose weight healthily really should be more readily available. i know why it's not though. there are just too many people benefitting off the fact that it's hard to find good information.

i'm going to share what i THINK are some good tips though. i truly know nothing though so please take this with a grain of salt. and i'm only sharing this because, well no one will read this anyways, but also because i truly think it can only help people, not hurt.

i've been focusing on speeding up my metabolism. your fuel determines how active your body will allow you to be, so it's a good place to start. to speed up my metabolism i'm doing a couple different things:

i've started intermittent fasting, which means i only eat during a certain window of the day (mine right now is 10 am to 8pm because that's what fits into my current needs and lifestyle right now, ideally i would like to make my window smaller when i'm done breastfeeding). not only do i feel the need to snack less, but also there's some science i can't explain that has to do with digestion and fat burning when you have a set period of time where you do not eat. i really do believe in this.

i consume a lot more protein than previously. my favorite sources of protein right now:

eggs- hard boiled with whole wheat toast always hits the spot for me. whole wheat is a complex carb which is good for many things but in this case, i'm using it to help absorb the protein in the eggs. if you google the pioneer woman (i know she sucks sorry) perfect hard boiled egg recipe, it gets them perfect every time and makes them so easy to peel and eat.

premier protein shakes- i like these because even though they're processed, they aren't too disgusting and they have a good protein to sugar ratio. i try to avoid sugar as much as i can (i much prefer it to high fructose corn syrup though). adding some ice and a shot of instant cafe bustelo espresso improves the taste by 100 points and i can tell myself i'm just having a sweet girly little iced latte.

salmon- if you have an air fryer and you aren't making salmon, you are missing out. brown sugar, garlic, soy sauce, salt, pepper, avocado oil, and pop it into the air fryer and then eat with rice. it's so good. and you're getting some omega 3s which is really important. if you wanna get fancy with it, add some avocado, nori, kewpie mayo, and siracha and you've got an influencer-style sushi bowl. yummmm

i've also put in some effort to not be so sedentary. it's hard because i'm a single mom and a college student so i have no time and when i do have time i'm tired or i want to work on my hobbies. but even just getting out of bed at night before i go to sleep and doing a 5 minute workout video, i feel like i've checked that box for the day.

that's pretty much all for now. i'm super exhausted and i need to do a little yoga before bed. namaste and goodnight void.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 3: Visiting Cape Town from Hermanus + Local Vineyards

I can’t believe I have already been here for so long! This week, I had the privilege of exploring some vineyards in Hermanus (the town is known for its wine estates) while on a wine tour and I also got to go to Cape Town. 

Vineyards in Hermanus

One of the top recommended activities in Hermanus is visiting wine estates/vineyards. Although these estates/vineyards only came about in the late 1900s, their popularity has grown immensely with people coming from all over the world to try the wine. Aminata and I decided to do a wine tour in Hermanus using the Wine Hoppers company. With this company, there will be a big truck that takes you from one winery to another. You can get off at any winery and stay there until the next truck comes to pick you up (they run every hour). You can stay longer than an hour if you want to but then you have to wait for the next truck. Also, you can pick what time you want to start but the trucks stop running at 4:30 pm. We wanted more time to go around so we decided to go on the 11:30 am tour. We paid online and were given a meeting spot to get on the truck. Since Aminata and I went on this tour on election day, several of the wineries on the complete list were closed. There were about 5 that were open and we decided to go to four of them. There were only two other people on the tour with us - an older couple from Atlanta. It was really nice chatting with them during our short drive to each winery. 

At the first winery, Whalehaven winery, we were given 4 wines and it was about 100 rand (~$5.30). With each wine we were able to learn the history of when and how it was made. Although there was a lot I didn’t understand it was interesting to listen to how each wine was unique from the others. It was a similar experience at each winery with in-depth explanations on how their wine was made.

I also got to eat at some of the wineries. The second place we went to gave us a specific macaron with each wine and I felt that the strawberry macaron and its wine had the best pairing. At the third place we went to there was a platter with cheese, oranges, olives, etc. All of the food made the wines taste even better so I would highly recommend ordering things to eat along with the wine. The last place we went to had the best food by far. The platter we ordered here had hummus, guac, bread, meat, olives, cheese, and cashews. The view was also amazing as we could see mountains straight from where we were sitting. Overall, it was a great experience that I would recommend to anyone visiting Hermanus. The price was also less than $60 which was fair considering how much we did. We had to pay Wine Hoppers  450 rand (~$24) for driving us around and then at each winery we paid for what we ate/drank. Each place was less than $10 so in the end we paid less than $60. 

Visiting Cape Town from Hermanus 

Cape Town is located around 1.5 hours from Hermanus and getting there is a bit difficult since it is not recommended to take public transportation. To take a taxi, it can cost around $60-70 so it is expensive. However, my supervisor at SANSA offered to take Aminata and me for a day trip so we decided to go with her. This way we didn’t have to pay for transportation and only had to pay for food/the activities we did. It seems that every year a supervisor takes the UofM students to Cape Town so I would highly recommend doing that over taking a taxi if possible. We left for Cape Town around 10 am and got to Table Mountain around 11:30 am. At Table Mountain, we were able to take a cable car to the very top. Here, we could see most of Cape Town down below and also the ocean. I think my favorite part was being able to see clouds below me since I was so high up. It was really cold because of the high altitude so if you plan on visiting Table Mountain definitely take a jacket! It costs about $20 to take the cable car (round trip) but you can also hike to the top at no cost. Also, at the top, there are scheduled guided tours throughout the day (don’t need to pay extra) so we decided to join one. It was a great decision because I was able to learn about the flora and fauna on the mountain. I really enjoyed learning about the dassies which live on the mountain and mostly eat plants that grow on the mountain. 

After visiting Table Mountain, we decided to drive another 40 minutes to Boulder Beach. On the way there we briefly drove through the University of Cape Town’s campus since it was on the way and that was where my supervisor had gone for her undergrad. The campus buildings were pretty with vines growing on the sides. We then headed on to Boulder Beach. Here, you can see penguins year round. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was pleasantly surprised by how many penguins we got to see. The penguins that live on Boulder Beach are African penguins which are relatively small. They live in holes in the sand hills and in the shrubs growing near the beach. It cost around ~$8 to enter the park area where there was a walkway to see the penguins. The walkway was closed off from the beach so that people couldn’t go too close to the penguins. This was the first time I got to see penguins in the wild so it was an amazing experience. I even saw some baby penguins that were very cute. Some penguins could be seen swimming in the ocean but most of them were seen laying in the sand or on rocks. After walking through the area, we headed back to Hermanus since it was already 5 pm and it would get dark soon. Visiting Cape Town was great and I hope to go back again before leaving South Africa! 

Satwika Tattari

Space Sciences and Engineering

Engineering - IPE: Undergraduate Research Program at the South African National Space Agency (SANSA) in Hermanus, South Africa

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Top 12 Teikametrics Alternatives & Competitors for 2023

- 1. AiHello- Features - Pricing - 2. BidX- Features - Pricing - 3. Quartile- Features - Pricing - 4. Pacvue- Features - Pricing - 5. Skai- Features - Pricing - 6. M19- Features - Pricing - 7. Ad Badger- Features - Pricing - 8. Adtomic- Features - Pricing - 9. Sellerapp- Features - Pricing - 10. Intentwise- Features - Pricing - 11. Sellozo- Features - Pricing - 12. Perpetua- Features - Pricing - Conclusion Teikametrics is a popular software and managed service provider for Amazon and Walmart sellers that need help with their PPC. They’ve been around since 2015 and have become popular for their Flywheel platform and the market intelligence tools they offer. Like any other software, however, Teikametrics has its downsides. Here are what a few recent reviews had to say about the services they offer (all reviews are from Google): “Worst company I have ever done business with. They destroyed the profitability of my account, wasted so much money, and lied to me that it was going well. 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Dedicated Account Manager  All subscriptions come with a dedicated Amazon expert that can help with all things PPC, strategy, and implementation. This expert can be contacted 24/7 over email and for up to 8 hours a month on video call. Pricing AiHello offers multiple tiers depending on your current ad spend: For sellers between $0-$7k in spend its $175/month For sellers between $7k-$20k its $400/month For sellers above $20k its $450 + 1% of ad spend And for Agencies its $800/month flat fee for unlimited accounts To learn more about AiHello, book a call with one of their experts. 2. BidX BidX is a simple and efficient PPC software that’s popular with European sellers. They’re mainly known for their customizable rule-based automation and their simplified campaign creator that helps sellers save time. They also offer a managed service option for sellers who’d like more help with their PPC.  Features Keyword Suggestions – The keyword suggestions from Amazon are available directly on the BidX platform so you can add them to both your old and new campaigns easily. Multi-Campaign Creator – You get a simplified version of the Amazon campaign creator which lets you create multiple campaigns simultaneously a lot faster than you could on Amazon. You’ll still need to find your own keywords though which can take some time. Customizable Dashboard – Our favorite BidX feature by far is their massive customizable dashboard. With this dashboard, you select the metrics you see, and how you see them (charts, graphs, etc) so you can analyze your PPC with ease. Harvesting and Negation – Negate bad search terms and harvest good ones from auto campaigns to improve your targeting over time. Rule-Based Automation –You can automate most PPC related tasks by creating your own ‘if X then Y’ rules. This form of automation can be good for maintaining control but comes with a long setup time and a big learning curve. Pricing BidX pricing is also ad spend dependent and comes in the following tiers: $199 up to $5k monthly spend $399 up to $10k monthly spend $599 up to $15k monthly spend 4% of ad spend after $15k monthly spend 3. Quartile Quartile is a software solution that helps sellers automate their Amazon, Walmart, Google and Facebook ads. This makes it more than a good Teikametrics alternative because it's also a full-funnel advertising solution. Features AI and Rule-Based Bidding – With Quartile, You have the option of using both AI and rule automation for your account. This allows you to benefit from the quick and efficient nature of AI while maintaining control when you need it. Semi-managed Service – A dedicated account manager will help onboard you onto the platform and set your ads up. They’ll also be available for contact by email or call to answer your questions and provide help. Full Funnel Advertising – Using Quartile makes running both Facebook and Google ads easier which helps you take advantage of full-funnel advertising. Automatic Campaign Creation – Quartile will create auto campaigns for your ASINs then harvest every single search term that comes out of them and turn it into its own single keyword campaign. This can be useful for expanding your reach but can leave you with 10,000+ campaigns if you’re not careful. Goal Related Settings – Goal-focused settings like ‘Product Launch’ or ‘Conservative’ help you optimize your ads towards your objectives even if you aren't too familiar with the platform and how it works. Pricing Quartile works exclusively on long-term contracts that can span up to several years. Their pricing starts at $895/month and can go up to $10k monthly depending on your ad spend, making them one of the most expensive alternatives to Teikametrics. 4. Pacvue Pacvue is a popular PPC software that recently merged with Helium10. They are best known for their rule-based automation and their ability to automate 90+ marketplaces around the world. Features Clear Analytics – Easy-to-understand data about market share, share of voice, and share of shelf across your marketplaces that help you understand how you’re performing compared to everyone else. Rule-Based and Algorithmic Automation – Pacvue has both rule-based automation and algorithmic automation. While this gives you more control over how your account is run, it’s worth mentioning that their algorithms are still in their early stages and probably aren’t the best option as of now. More Than Ads – You can now manage coupons, promotions and product page SEO alongside your ads on the Pacvue platform. Automated Suggestions – Distribute your budget better and get the most out of your ad spend with automated suggestions. These include things like increasing your budget on certain ad types, moving ad spend to better targets, or making changes to win the Buy Box more often. Pricing Pacvue pricing isn’t publicly disclosed but it's known to be ad spend based and starting at $500/month with the highest tier being 3% of ad spend. 5. Skai Skai is a rule-based automation software that helps sellers with their PPC and 80+ other ad types like Apple and Snapchat ads. They’re a popular option for enterprise brands but they’re also a viable Teikametrics alternative for medium-sized sellers. Features Good for Enterprise Brands – If your annual ad budget is in the millions and you operate across several ad platforms, Skai might be the right option for you. Their platform and customer success teams were built to handle this level of complexity and they’ve been doing it successfully for years. Rule-Based Automation – Skai’s only option for automation is custom rules. This, again, is good for control and customization but can cause long setup times and come with a big learning curve. Quick Experimentation – Quickly set up mini-tests to find out which strategies work best so you can zero in on the winning tactics fast and get the best results possible. Full Funnel Advertising – Skai’s connection to 80+ advertising platforms makes it the perfect solution for businesses looking beyond Amazon and Walmart ads. Pricing You can only know the full details of Skai pricing by booking a call with them directly but their lowest tier starts at $800/month and they’ll charge you a percentage of ad spend after you cross $10k/month in spend. 6. M19 M19 is a French PPC software company that helps sellers with their bids, and their ads and with creating what they call ‘strategies’, which are essentially groups of campaigns for your products. They’re very easy to use and come with plenty of helpful tools that make them a strong Teikametrics alternative. Features Target research tools – Discover new keywords and product targets with M19’s own on-platform tools. All you need is a seed keyword or ASIN and the software will find similar ones that you can add straight into your campaigns. Organic Ranking Tools – Using M19, you can track your organic rank and adjust your bids accordingly. The way this works is that M19 will change your bids and TOS boosts whenever your product starts to rank for certain keywords so that you don’t cannibalize your organic sales. Simplified Campaign Creator – One of the downsides of M19 is that it can’t automate your current campaigns. It can only create new campaigns for you using its own structures that they call ‘strategies’, which is similar to what Perpetua does. Hourly Day Parting – View your advertising performance on an hourly basis and use M19 to adjust your bids and budgets accordingly. Automated AI Bidding – Completely automated AI-based bidding that requires almost no setup time and 0 rules to get running. Pricing M19 pricing is based on the number of strategies you have set up with them.  Here’s how it works: $400/month for 4 ‘strategies’ $400 + 3% for 10 ‘strategies’ 7. Ad Badger Ad Badger, the company behind the famous PPC den podcast, offers sellers a basic PPC tool that helps with simple automation and a managed service option as well.  Features Impressive Learning Resources – If you’re a fan of their blog and podcast you’ll definitely enjoy the exclusive course and learning center they offer their users.  Basic Bid Automation – While pretty basic by most measures, Ad Badger’s simple bid automation tools can still save you time and keep your ACoS in check fairly well. Account Manager – You’ll get your own account manager to help onboard you onto the platform and review your ads after the first 30 days. They’ll also be available for contact via email for any questions you may have. Harvesting and Negation – Find new keywords and negatives for your campaigns using rule-based automation for harvesting and negation. Keyword Research Tool – Use the on-platform research tool to quickly find new keywords for your campaigns. Pricing Ad Badger pricing depends on your PPC spend. The base plan starts at $400/month and scales up as you start to spend more on ads. 8. Adtomic Adtomic is Helium10’s own Amazon PPC software. It’s not very advanced, but it offers basic PPC automation and a clean user interface at a very fair price, making it a good Teikametrics alternative for sellers who don’t need all the bells and whistles. Features Objective-based Settings – Launch, Grow and Liquidate settings are offered on the Adtomic platform to help sellers quickly align their campaigns with their overall account strategy. Rudimentary Bid Adjustments – Although it’s not the best option out there for bid automation, Adtomic can still help sellers save time with the basic features it offers. Harvesting and Negation – Similar to Ad Badger, Helium10 offers customizable rules for negation and harvesting to help you get the most out of your search term reports. Benefit From The Helium10 Ecosystem – While Adtomic itself might not be everyone’s top choice, the fact remains that it's part of the H10 ecosystem which is always a big plus. Having tools like Cerebro and Blackbox on the same platform you use for PPC makes managing your Amazon account easier and more efficient.  Pricing Adtomic pricing comes in three tiers: $39/month starter $99/month platinum $279/month diamond 9. Sellerapp Sellerapp is an Indian Amazon software company that offers multiple tools for sellers, one of those tools is another budget-friendly PPC software that’s more advanced than Helium10 and cheaper than Teikametrics. Features Customizable Rules – Create your own custom rules and execute them on an hourly, daily, weekly or monthly basis using Sellerapp. Goal-based Settings – Similar to what Helium10 offers, Sellerapp has 3 pre-made settings to choose from to help you optimize your account. These settings are Launch, Grow and Liquidate. Day Parting – Find out what your best performing hours are and automatically adjust your bids and budgets accordingly to get the most out of your ad budget. Bulk Actions – Easily make manual changes to multiple campaigns at once to save time with Sellerapp’s bulk changes tool. Pricing Sellerapp pricing is a lot more budget-friendly than the other tools on the list. They don’t charge a percentage of ad spend and their flat monthly fee is a lot lower than Teikametrics’. $39/month up to $5k/month $49/month up to $20k/month 10. Intentwise  Intentwise is a software company that offers medium-sized Amazon and Walmart sellers advanced tools for automation and analytics to help with their PPC.  Features Competitor Insights – Understand how you’re performing against your competitors and use that data to set relevant goals for your business. Recommendations Engine –On-platform suggestions that provide guidance on things like keyword negation and moving keywords between ad types. Strong Rules and Strong Algorithms – Unlike other platforms, both the rule-based and algorithm-based automation features Intentwise offers are actually good at what they do. Performance Analysis – Discover new insights about how your account is performing and where it’s headed using the performance analysis tools provided. Pricing Intentwise pricing isn’t publicly disclosed but, what we know is that its tier based and starts at $500/month. 11. Sellozo Another good Teikametrics alternative is Sellozo. Sellozo comes with a more advanced campaign creator, better support, and a stronger bidding algorithm than Teikametrics does, along with several other useful features we’ll cover.  Features Automated Repricer – Adjust your prices regularly to win the Buy Box and increase your sales automatically. Campaign Studio – A whiteboard-like campaign creator that helps you understand how your campaigns fit together and how to develop an account-wide strategy. Expert Help – You can book paid sessions with Sellozo PPC experts that will provide guidance on how to reach your goals. You also get the features that come with other tools like automated bidding, day parting, bulk changes, and negation + harvesting. Pricing Sellozo pricing is SKU based.  $149/month  0-10 skus $299/month 11-1000 skus $399/month 1001+ skus 12. Perpetua Perpetua is a popular PPC tool that recently merged with Sellics to provide a combined solution to help Amazon, Walmart, Instacart and Target sellers with their advertising. Features Fixed Campaign Creator – Perpetua doesn’t automate your current campaigns, so instead, what it does is shut them all down and use the keywords and data it can gather from them to create new campaigns using their own structure.  Completely Hands-Off – For better or for worse, Perpetua’s platform is completely hands-off. This can mean a lot of time saved but can also result in a loss of control since the software is essentially a black box.  Organic Tracking – For an extra fee of $50/month, you can track how your ASINs rank on your 25 most important search terms. Video and Image Builder– Create custom videos and graphics for your brand and display campaigns directly on the Perpetua platform for an extra fee. Pricing Perpetua’s pricing depends on how much ad spend they currently manage for you. They start with flat monthly payments and progress into a commission-based plan as you increase your spend.  $250/month until $5k in spend $550/month until $10k in spend $550/month + a percentage of spend until $200k in spend Conclusion With so many options out there, picking the right PPC software for you can be almost impossible. That’s why we made this list of Teikametrics alternatives to help sellers discover more tools and learn about how they can benefit from them. And of course, if you’d like to know more about our own tool, AiHello, you can always book a call with one of our PPC experts here.  Read the full article

[generalluxun]

As requested!

Adrien is a jerk? When we meet him it's literally a sad boy(with a dash of anger), grieving just as much as his father is. He blocks out the world with his headphones, being barely connected even to his friends. They're both curious about each other instead of the OMG UMBRELLA MOMENT (like, no shade on the umbrella scene, it's cute in it's corny melodrama way, it's a classic, but this is a more gentle approach) Maybe you mean as Chat? It's a dork! A goofball! He's bragging and posing and theatrical just like the kid of a theater mom :) they taunt each other, LB: 'With what, hairballs?' It's cute. Tune changes quickly though, by the end of their first encounter with Fu he is legitimately offering her support 'Failure is not your enemy, your fears are' Of course he plays it off with more bragging because emotional sincerity is hard when you're a teen.

During the second fight there's none of this though, they work together, then he follows her lead, and by the end he's calling himself her sidekick. that's a perfect little bow on that.

Adrien and Mari don't fall instantly in Romantic love in the movie and you know what? I think that's awesome. They're interested, exploring, they hang out together and communicate! (And not 5 seasons!)

How is he callous when he turns her down? He literally does the same thing LB does to him, and he looks every bit as in pain when he does as she did, maybe more since he's already been rejected. It's been less than 24 hours, give the boy a break!

He didn't know Paris was on fire. A minor sulk at the girl who ejected him, the day after she rejected him. It's not wildly mature but they ARE kids after all. He gets up as soon as Plagg draws his attention to the *on fire* and he's on the job. He didn't give up the ring in the movie eh? Not even once! :)

I don't think this movie even had a square. It's just two people, in two guises, learning each other. And I don't feel they were ever trying to throw big dramatic romantic L-O-V-E forever and ever at the screen like the show did. Marinette and Adrien(and LB/CN) feel more like actual kids exploring emotions. I would say they're in 'strong like' by the end of the film and I feel like it hit that. If someone was shipping these two as forever married at 14 I would be concerned, but I just don't think that's what the movie wanted us to take away.

The singing is fine, it's got a very theatrical vibe(which I mean, it's all throughout the movie) it's not Lin Manuel levels, but it's passable. Third time through the movie and it's starting to actually grow on us here. Yes Marinette's voice change is jarring, but it only hits hard for that first song. I think it kind of works Extremely well for 'Courage in me'

As for the plot line being undeveloped? I can't speak to this without more specifics. It follows a classic three act format and hits all the points. My bet is Gabe's in jail.

The butterfly seems to be more problematic than evil. it *can* make monsters from the anger in people's hearts, but Nooro says that's how it's meant to be used.

Fu was awesome :) He seems insane at first because Marinette's already freaked out by Chloé and almost dying (and Marinette saving Fu in the movie was so much better in the movie, she actually saves him, Marinette putting herself between him and that car was such a powerful moment) Then this little dude starts doing the standard 'You have to save the world!' line.

It was lamp shading that trope at its finest. They bring back Fu a couple times when it's not complete Chaos and he has more of a mentor vibe to him.

Overall the movie provides a lot more balanced approach(approo) to everything. People feel like people, they have multiple emotions at once, the narrative isn't beating you in the head.

To whit: The TV show had a single kiss played up with a runway chase, a plane leaving, dramatic panning camera, and two people literally pulling them apart. The Movie did the reveal, gentle, alone, tender and hesitant. Marinette's deep breath, Adrien's tears, a couple soft steps, then pause. Lean gentle, closer, nearer, heart beating, and we don't even get the kiss because it's not about the kiss. It's about the people.

Brilliant framing.

Last night I sat down with my 15 year old niece (also a ML fan) and finally watched the movie.

Friends, it's not good.

The Good:

The animation is really pretty

The background djwifi is cute

The akumatized villains are really cool

"Watermelon!" 😂

The Bad:

I hated Adrien. We don't see any of his series kindness and he's kind of a jerk actually??? And I really didn't appreciate his pity party after Ladybug's rejection or his making everything about that when PARIS IS LITERALLY ON FIRE. Also he was pretty callous in the way he rejected Marinette.

I could see the ladynoir angle at least but it wasn't clear at all why Marinette even liked Adrien. I didn't ship the square in this at all though.

The singing. I don't understand why they made it a musical, but it wasn't a good choice. And using different VAs for singing can work but for Marinette it was jarring. We go from soft English speaking voice to deep French-accented singing voice and just no.

The whole plot line just felt really underdeveloped??? Like what even happened with Gabriel after his reveal at the end??

The ???:

So we're just making the butterfly the evil miraculous, eh?

Fu was just...weird

I think I need to go rewatch Origins as a palette cleanser.

Have you watched the movie? What did you think?

[raracool04]

Stares autistically at ham radio