#It’s been a surprisingly long time since we’ve had a lumpy board!

[dailyhtfboards]

Day 57

Today’s board is:

I don’t like puffed up chest Lumpy… he’s scaring me…

(From TV episode 10C Letter Late Than Never)

[mst3kproject]

The Atomic Submarine

I’ve had this one sitting around for a while. It’s a pretty dull 1950’s White Men vs the Saucer People movie, which attempts to differentiate itself from the crowd by taking place underwater instead of in outer space.  It features Brett Halsey from The Girl in Lover’s Lane and a few moments of Jean Moorhead from The Violent Years, and has parts for Jack Mulhall and Paul Dubov from The She-Creature.

It is… the future.  The US and the USSR are friends now, and passenger submarines regularly run between the two under the polar ice!  But all is not well – the USS Sturgeon, largest of this arctic fleet, suffers a reactor meltdown somewhere just shy of the North Pole, resulting in the loss of all hands.  The Pentagon convenes some guys in suits, and decides to send another submarine, the Tiger Shark, to figure out what happened.  When the Tiger Shark encounters a mysterious electrical phenomenon, their scientists conclude that the only possible answer is creatures from outer space!

I seem to be making a tradition out of starting with the shitty science, so here’s a good one: the Flying Saucer’s source of power is stated to be magnetic – that’s why it has to return to the North Pole every time it sinks a ship, to recharge.  Except… that’s not how the magnetic field works.  In the late fifties and early sixties, the north magnetic pole was somewhere near the southern end of Bathurst Island in Nunavut (as of 2020, it’s on its way into Siberia and is actually closer to geographic north than it’s been in centuries).  Sailors would definitely know that, making this plot point kind of hilarious to anybody actually in the navy.

I mentioned Moorhead… she and Joi Lansing (who was once in a movie called Queen of Outer Space) are the only women in the entire movie.  They occur in the same scene, which seems to serve only to remind us that women exist, and have no effect on the plot whatsoever.  Once we’ve entered the submarine where most of the film is set, the cast is entirely similar-looking guys in uniforms, and there are no romantic reunions at the end.  The Atomic Submarine couldn’t even give us the requisite 50’s movie Cute Girl Scientist.  I guess they were going for realism in their story about trans-arctic Soviet passenger subs and one-eyed semi-aquatic aliens.

On to the actual movie.  The first ‘character’ we hear from is the deep-voiced 50’s narrator, who sounds exactly like the guy rhapsodizing about radar at the beginning of The Deadly Mantis, but I looked him up and Patrick Michaels has never narrated any other movie.  I guess there’s just a category of men that have 50’s Movie Narrator Voice. His job is to sound portentous as he talks about things that are either irrelevant or else stuff the movie could have showed us but chose to tell instead.  He falls silent for long stretches of movie and then pops up again, interrupting the flow of the story every time.

The special effects in The Atomic Submarine are okay – they’re nothing ground-breaking, but considerable effort seems to have gone into them.  The saucer and the submarines are obviously small models but they’re nice and the underwater photography is quite atmospheric.  I especially like the little submersible the Tiger Shark carries, the Lungfish, which was clearly designed based on ideas for such machines that were in the works at the time.  There’s a shot of the saucer breaking through the ice cap and rising into the air which looks really good until the saucer itself actually emerges, wobbling on top of a rod.  The one-eyed alien inside the saucer is nice and gooey and parts of it look like they’re made out of living sea creatures.

Like many movies on MST3K, The Atomic Submarine has some germs of good ideas in it, and like the rest of them, fails to do anything much with it.  The flying saucer – maybe we should call it a swimming saucer – is described as a living organism, possibly the same organism as its pilot.  The aliens themselves are biological engineers who will use humans as a template for altering themselves to live on Earth.  That’s pretty cool, but is ultimately not important to the plot. Besides the pilot, who seems to have been assembled by a variety of marine organisms, the inside of the saucer doesn’t look particularly organic.  If nothing else they had an opportunity for some really neat visuals here, but let it slip through their fingers.

The alien intelligence remains unseen and inscrutable for much of the movie.  This theoretically builds suspense but there’s honestly not a lot of suspense here. A plot summary makes The Atomic Submarine sound like an exciting adventure, but the impression one gets from actually watching the film is that it’s kind of a day at the office.  In a way, that’s fairly realistic – the crew of the Tiger Shark aren’t a ragtag group of misfits, they’re professionals doing their jobs which just so happen on this particular day to include saving the world.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t make for a very exciting movie.  An awful lot of scenes are just suspenseful music over footage of men in uniforms frowning at things.  Rather than feeling any excitement, the audience just wants to get to the damn aliens already.

The movie’s only about half over by the time we do enter the swimming saucer to meet the one-eyed, tentacled beast within, but it feels like we’ve been here for hours.  Once the boarding party enters the craft, some things do happen but they’re still not exciting.  Three of the four men die, one by being cut in half by a sliding door and two getting melted by intense radiation – these deaths are surprisingly explicit and gruesome for a 50’s movie, but they’re drawn out far too long and don’t serve a plot purpose.  If the alien killed the men to stop them cutting the Tiger Shark free of where it rammed the vessel’s hull, that would be one thing, but it appears to do it just because.

The main characters all sort of look the same, as lumpy-faced white guys in old movies tend to do.  The only one who really stands out from the crowd is Dr. Nielson, the son of the scientist who invented the Lungfish and an avowed pacifist who’s only on this mission because he knows his father wanted to see the sub used.  He has a running beef with an old friend of his father’s who thinks he’s a coward, all talk and no action.  This is supposed to be the movie’s main arc and yet it fails to go anywhere on just about every level.

Neilson spends much of the movie insisting that he isn’t a coward, which one would assume is a lead-up to him doing something heroic.  It’s not. He’s just here to drive the Lungfish and that’s literally the only thing he does – he takes the boarding party to the saucer, and then sits there and waits for the sole survivor to return.  There’s a bit where the captain of the Tiger Shark decides to ram the saucer with the sub in order to get through its defenses, and Neilson speaks up, pointing out that this is a suicide mission.  Nothing ever comes of this, and it might be evidence of his ‘cowardice’ but I’m not sure… the movie is not nearly as interested in his character as it ought to be.  At the end he seems to have decided that war is cool after all… or maybe the guy he was arguing about has agreed that we need to set aside war with other humans in order to focus on war with aliens.  It’s very unclear.

If there’s a regular passenger service between Alaska and Siberia, doesn’t that suggest that in this future we’ve already set aside war with other humans?  I’m not sure this movie thought very hard about its worldbuilding.

In fact, watching the ending I don’t even know if the guy Neilson talks to at the end was the same man he was arguing with earlier, because, as I mentioned, the actors all look similar. Until that final conversation I thought the other dude had died aboard the saucer and honestly I’m still not convinced he didn’t.  What mainly makes me doubt the idea is that it would mean there’s no closure to the feud at all, which would be the height of poor writing.  I’ve seen movies where I would buy that they were just that careless, but other aspects of The Atomic Submarine are competent enough that I want to give them the benefit of the doubt.

So what does this movie want us to think about war and the military?  It certainly suggests that they’re necessary, since after all we have aliens to defend ourselves from.  One of the scientists on board is British and another has what I think is supposed to be a Russian accent, so perhaps its extolling the virtues of international cooperation.  This would fit with Neilson’s statements about how we need to leave war behind, but if that’s the movie’s point it hobbles itself by never talking about it in that light.

This is all made that much more annoying because, as I said, the effects are decent, the cinematography is pretty good, and while none of the actors are stellar they all do their best.  There’s no real reason why The Atomic Submarine had to be so dull and messy, unless they were just saddled with a half-assed script. Even then, they made a pretty good effort to get some gold out of the dross.  You might find The Atomic Submarine worth watching even if only to think about what might have been.

[zombierunfiction]

Season 2 Side Mission 2: Headcount

The following morning Charlotte was already awake and in the bathrooms looking at her hair.  Ever since the run to get the fast zoms for testing she had a section of hair that was shorter than the rest of it by a good 12 inches.  It annoyed her when she pulled it back to see it uneven.  She thought about evening it out herself but she didn't trust her hand with a pair of scissors.  The door opened showing the Major stepping in.

"Ah Charlotte.  Good morning."  The Major said shutting the door.

"Morning Major.  Shower day?"  Charlotte asked washing her face.

"That it is.  What are you up to?"  The Major asked hoping into the stalled shower.

"Well Janine wants me out on a mission today with you.  So thats a thing.  And I'm contemplating finding someone with some barber skills to even out my hair."  Charlotte said drying off her face.

"Oh well if you like I could help you with that.  My mother was a beautitian.  Taught me everything she knew."  The Major asid happily.

Charlotte looked at the tall imposing woman that was Major De Santa.  "If you aren't too busy."

"Nonsense.  Let me shower up and I'll give you a proper cut."  The Major said proudly as Charlotte shrugs.

"Sounds good to me."  Charlotte said walking out of the shower area.  She went and dressed for the run as the cold air started to nip at her face.

"Char!"  

Charlotte turned seeing Sam running over with Jody.  "Hey Charlotte.  How are you this brisk morning?"  Jody asked with a grin.

Charlotte raised an eyebrow.  "I'm fine.  The Major offered to even out my hair."

Jody and Sam gave her a confused look.  "Really?"  Jody asked.

"Didn't know the Major knew anything about hair."  Sam said.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me Yao."  The Major said fully dressed with her hair pulled into a tight bun.  "Ready Charlotte?"

Charlotte nodded as the four of them walked to the Major's little home which was a cot, table with maps of the area and a ham radio.  "Where should I sit?"  Charlotte asked.

The Major grabbed a stool from the desk and put it down.  "Right there.  Miss Marsh please go get a pair of clippers from Janine."  Jody nodded and ran out.  Sam sat on the edge of the desk in front of Charlotte gently taking her hands, which were surprisingly shaking.

Sam looked at them oddly.  "Nervous?"  He asked.

"I've been growing out my hair for 6 years.  It's like a limb."  Charlotte said as the Major gently gathered her hair checking it with a little swiss army comb.  

"Don't worry.  I will keep as much of the length as I can."  The Major said being surprisingly gentle.  Soon Jody returned with the scissors and the Major gathered some of the hair together.  "Alright Mr. Yao keep her still."  

Sam held her hands tight  as Charlotte closed her eyes feeling the Major cutting away her hair.  She released a breath when the last snip went through.  She looked back and saw that Major had taken roughily 11 inches of hair making her whimper slightly.  Jody gently took the hair and wrapped it in a small cloth.

"I heard hair is a good fire starter."  Jody said trying to console her.

Charlotte snorted.  "Lovely now my red hair can really be flaming."

Sam chuckled squeezing her fingers as the Major started to even out her hair gently.  "If it's any help, hair or no hair I still love you."  He said softly.

Charlotte smiled softly.  "I love you too Sam but I don't think you would like me bald."

"Why?  You might have a cute lumpy head."  Sam chuckled as the Major smirked.  

"Good thing the bullet only struck your hair not your head.  Otherwise we would have to buzz it short.  Make you G.I. Jane."  The Major joked as Charlotte chuckled.  

"Regular jar head."  Charlotte replied making the Major laugh loudly.

After a bit the Major closed up the comb and the scissors.  "There all done."  

Charlotte reached back feeling her now shoulder length hair in her hands.  She tossed it around playing with it.  "This is strange but good.  Thanks Major."  Charlotte said standing up.  "If this military life doesn't pan out you could open a barber shop."

The Major chuckled.  "No thanks.  I like being in the military.  But hair is a good hobby."

Charlotte walked out with Sam who gently ruffled her hair.  "See it's cute!"  Sam said as Charlotte laughs and gathers it up into a ponytail.

"And still enough to pull back.  I will have to find something nice for her.  So know anything about this mission Janine wants me on?"  Charlotte asked.

"Not a thing.  Just that she was going to suit up for a mission with you."  Sam said.  "Which by the way I have to get my systems going."  He kissed her cheek then placed one on her neck making her giggle before running off.

"Cute."  Charlotte said softly walking over to the packs to get hers ready.  She rather missed her fire axe but figured she'd be able to find another one at some point.

"Charlotte."  

Charlotte turned seeing Janine walking over to her.  She had her brown hair pulled into a ponytail and was bundled up the same as her.  "Hey Janine.  So you're really going on this mission with me?"

"Yes I am.  We are not going to have a problem are we?"  Janine asked.

"As long as touche subjects don't come up we should not have a problem."  Charlotte said.

Janine looked at her for a moment before looking away.  "Look...  I liked Sara.  She was a great runner and a great friend.  And I miss her too.  But it's been almost 2 months and not a single word from her.  Now you and her are similar.  You would make contact as soon as you could..."

"And if she's in an area where she can't get to a radio or to Rofflenet?"  Charlotte countered.  "You've said it yourself.  Not everyone is on Rofflenet."

Janine sighs deeply.  "You are going to hold out hope for her aren't you?"

Charlotte lowered her head for a moment before looking at Janine.  "I didn't know my former fiance was alive.  For months I was cut off from him.  I gave him up for dead and you were right.  I did jump at Sam.  Literally.  But Sam is different than Amir.  Night and day.  When I found out Amir was alive... well you know what happened after that."

Janine nodded slowly.  "I'm sorry... for what I said.  This whole thing has made us all frayed and twitchy.  Finding someone who stablizes you is very important.  I'm glad Sam does that for you."

"And Simon does it for you."  Charlotte said seeing the blush suddenly rush into her face.

"Wha... what do you mean?"  Janine studders making Charlotte chuckle.

"Janine... it's rather transparent.  Or atleast on his end.  He's not exactly shy about his affections and I know you share his feelings.  Let yourself have some happiness.  Let go of all that discipline.  Believe me it makes a difference."  Charlotte said with a happy sign.

Janine snorted slightly.  "Well now that that's all out of the way.  We have a mission to attend to."  She said smiling.  

Charlotte nodded and grabbed a clip board from Sam who looked rather confused why she wanted it.  Janine took out a stack of papers and put them into the clip board from her pack.  The paper had several questions written on it making Charlotte look at her oddly.

"Alright, looks like we've got something special for you today, Five.  Something so special that no one's bothered to tell me what it is we're doing yet.  Because that always ends so well, doesn't it?  I know some of my favorite times have been when Janine's come by with a secret mission for us."  Sam said though their headset.

"It's an order from the Major herself, Mr. Yao. We're trying to keep it under wraps so as not to spread panic."  Janine said as she took a deep breath and moved closer to Charlotte.  "Charlotte... it seems the military doesn't think emergency supplies are being distributed as efficiently as they should be across the country.  With Skoobs and Red Settlements gone, they're talk of skifting their aid drops further south, towards the larger centers."  She whispered softly as Charlotte's eyes widen.

"What?  They can't-!"  Sam started shocked.

"They can... and will if need be."  Charlotte said.

"The Major's asked us to survey the survivors living outside the township and find out who's there, so she can build a case for keeping our supply line open.  I don't have to tell either of you what the loss of those extra emergency rations would mean to Abel in its current state, do i?"  Janine asked making Charlotte shake her head.  

"To say nothing of the medical equipment and weapons."  Charlotte said softly.

Janine nods.  "It's of utmost importance that we do this quickly and quietly."

"But if it's that important, why are we sending Char?"  Sam asked.

"And what's wrong with sending me Sammy?"  Charlotte asked pointedly.

"I mean, no offense, Five.  You're great. Obviously, you're great."  Sam retracked.  "It's just... don't we want someone who's a little more... official?"

"That's why I'll be accompanying Charlotte in the field."  Janine said proudly.  "We all have to do our part, Mr. Yao.  Now more than ever.  Until our defenses are back to full strength, we need as many runners as possible focused on the reconstruction effort, and keeping the zombies away from the township.  We simply can't spare anyone else."

"Besides I'm great company to have around."  Charlotte said with a smirk.

"But-" Sam started.

"Unless you want to volunteer to go instead?"  Charlotte suggests crossing her arms.

"Char... just keep an eye on her, okay?  And Janine - don't do anything I wouldn't do... Change of plan.  Actually, only do things I wouldn't do."  Sam said softly.

"She will be just fine Sammy.  I promise."  Charlotte said with a smile.

"Raise the gates, please!"  Janine calls as the alarm goes off with the gates raising.  "First official post-apocalyptic census, begin."  

Soon both women took off down the path as Charlotte followed her lead.  "So tell me where are we heading to?"  Charlotte asked.

"The cameras that we've managed to bring back online southwest of us have been picking up more movement than usual.  It looks like there might be a new camp forming up in the old distillery."  Janine said as they jogged.

"Wait.  We've been this close to a distillery all along, and we've never sent out a runner?  What do they make?  Whiskey?  Gin?"  Sam asked excited.

"I believe it's the home of Pepe's Finest British Tequila."  Janine said.

Charlotte looks at her oddly.  "British tequila?"

"Aw man, that's just... that's disgusting.  But um, you will try and bring us back a case, right Five?"  Sam asked hopefully.

"If I can.  I'm curious."  Charlotte said.

"The mission, Mr. Yao?"  Janine said seriously.

"Oh, right, right, yeah.  Uh, let me see.  Um... our scanners are still pretty patchy down that way, but yeah, yeah, here we go.  If you tack east, towards the city, you'll hook up on the motorway.  You can follow it nearly all the way down.  Nothing but bare field all around it.  Even if I can't see them on the cameras, you should be able to spot any zoms headed your way before they spot you, Five."  Sam said.

"No, no, that won't do at all."  Janine said.

"It won't?"  Sam questioned.

"The people we're looking for won't be camped on the side of a road, and if they are, we need't worry about counting them, because they won't survive long enough to need supplies!  Runner Five and I are heading for Clannion Wood.  I want us to find atleast fifty people today.  It should be a good place to start."  Janine states as Sam sighs.

"I was afraid you were going to say something like that."  He said.

"When the Major first came to Abel, those woods were filled with survivors."  Janine said.

"Which means now they're probably filled with zombies!"  Sam stressed before he goes quiet for a moment.  "Oh no, what did I tell you?  There's a pack of at least twenty zoms between you and the edge of the forest.  Yeah, and they're really moving.  If you don't change direction fast, you'll run right into them."

Charlotte looked up seeing the shambling group heading right for them.  "Oh yea, Runner Five and I can see them from here."  Janine states.

"And you didn't think that might be worth mentioning?"  Sam asked.

"Quiet!"  Charlotte hissed.  "There's someone... there's someone out in front of the swarm."  She points to someone running away from the swarm towards them.

"If you can lead the zombies away, they might be able to tell us how many people are still living in the forest.  Run down between them and the pack, and lead themm off away.  Do make sure to lose them before you circle back."  Janine said as Charlotte nods running towards the swarm.  

"Janine, I really don't think - Janine?  Janine!"  Sam sighed heavily.  "She's not listening to me anymore is she?  Right, Five, you know the drill here.  Head straight for the pack and lead them away."

She ran up beside the woman who was in some make shift coat and gloves covered in dirt and dried mud.  "There's a woman off to the right hand side.  Run towards her at this same speed.  I'll take care of these guys."  Charlotte said as the woman nodded hanging a right as the zombies continued to follow Charlotte.  

"Oh god, we really need more cameras down here.  I can hardly see, but I think - I think - yeah, I think it's working!  Just keep it up!  Keep running!"  Sam said quickly as Charlotte continued to run.  "Okay, okay, you're doing great, Five.  You're well in front of the swarm, now we just have to get rid of them.  When I give you the signal, I want you to duck into the woods as fast as you can.  You should be able to work you way back to Janine and her new friend without the zoms noticing, but you're going to need to be quiet okay?"

"Got it."  Charlotte said.

"Remember... step on a branch, and they might come in after you... Ready... Now!"  Sam said fast as Charlotte split into the woods avoiding anything that would make noise.  "I can't..."  Sam sighs.  "It's hard to get a lock on you in there, Five, but I think if you keep heading in that direction, you should be coming up on them."  She led the group into the forest easily losing them.  

She started to silently run back but stopped when she saw a corpse laying against a tree.  There was a blown hole through the man's head looking like he was shot through the temple.  She saw the gun in his hand along with a chuck of arm missing.  He must have been bit and took his life.  She saw beside him was a sleeved knife and a sledge hammer.  She checked the sledge hammer for zombie blood before taking it testing it's weight.  It was rather heavy but it would be good for taking out a zombie head.  She picked up the knife and checked it finding it was a Marine K bar.  

Well sharpened too.

She put it back in the sleeve and put it into her pocket.  She held onto the sledge hammer running back towards where Janine was with the young woman.

"Ah, there you are, Runner Five!  Do keep moving, don't want to be caught standing still if that swarm comes back."  Janine said as the three of them started to jog.  "Now, as I was saying to Miss..."

"Iris... Iris Garrity."  The girl said with a thick scottish accent sounded close to tears.  "Thank you!  Thank you so much!  I thought... there were so many of them, and they just kept coming!  I couldn't get away!"

"Well, Runner Five sorted that out for you now.  Is that Garrity with two T's?"  Janine asked.

"Is that a clipboard?"  Iris asked surprised.

"We're conducting a survey on behalf of Abel Township.  We just need you to answer a few non-invasive questions about your day-to-day living situation, and then you can be on your way."  Janine said writing her name down.

"I-I don't-"  Iris stammered.

"First, is there anyone else living with you at present?  If so, I'll need names and ages.  Any children at all?"  Janine continued.

Charlotte ran a hand over her shorter hair sighing heavily.  Janine always spoke to people with a heavy hand and was abrasive.

"There are five of us.  We all set out from Glasgow together when the outbreak first started."  Iris started stammering quickly.  "We've been traveling together for months.  I was looking for wood to start a fire when the zombies..."  She whimpers softly.  "they came from the direction of our camp.  I don't know what happened to the others."

"So... we'll put you down as single then, shall we?"  Janine said writing it down.

Soon enough Iris was allowed to go on her way.  "Janine don't you think you were a little abrupt with her?"  Charlotte questions.

"If I wasn't she might have started to blubber then we would be still waiting on her."  Janine states seriously.

Charlotte sighs softly.  "Alright then... I still think you could have spoke to her with a little tack."

"Come on let's go."  Janine said as they headed into the woods.

"I still don't like this."  Sam said.

"Fallen log."  Janine said as Charlotte lept over it easily.

"You've gone too far into the woods for me to pick you up at all on the scanners.  If something happens, you're in there blind.  I don't like it."  Sam said.

"Your objection has been noted, but we still need another forty-nine people.  We've found a path running through the wood, and it looks well-used.  A little too well-used... mind that garbage heap, Five."  Janine said as they avoided the garbage.

"Who's out there!?"  A voice shouts from near by.

"Hello?"  Charlotte shouts back looking around.

"Oh yea, let's start shouting at people in the forest full of zombies."  Sam said as Charlotte and Janine stopped seeing a stocky man with a balding head wearing a thick flannel coat and jeans holding a shot gun.

"What do you want?"  He snapped looking at them.

"Hello.  We're here from Abel Township.  If you could answer a few questions for us about your living situation-"  Janine starts before the man cocks his gun pointing it at them.

"Did the government send you?"  The man said as Charlotte moved in front of Janine.

"As I said, we're from Abel township.  We've got a survey we'd like you to participate in.  If you could just tell us your age, name, and marital status to start - really, thres no need to point that gun around like that!" Janine snapped.

"Oh, good.  I was just thinking this situation wasn't bad enough."  Sam sighed.

"Get out."  The man growled keeping the gun trained on them.

"Or, skipping down the questionaire, how many people are there in your encampment?  Any children?"  Janine asked.

"So you can blow us up like they did those other settlements?  Ha! Tell your military masters or whoever your working for, they'll never take Clannion alive!  Now go, get!"  The man snaps.

"Sir, no one is trying to blow you up."  Charlotte said softly.

"If you'll just give us a rough estimate of your numbers-"  Janien starts before the man fired a shot near them striking the tree.  Charlotte pulled Janine away from him glaring at him.

"What's happening?  What's going on?  Five?"  Sam asked paniced as the man reloaded pointing it at them again.

"That time, it was a tree."  The man said.

"Janine?  Answer me!"  Sam shouted.

"Next time, it's your head!"  The man finished pointing it right at their heads.

"Right then.  I think that's all the information we need.  Do come along, now, Five.  We really do need to find at least... thirty people. Let's pick up that pace slightly, shall we?"  Janine said as Charlotte slowly led Janine away from the gun waving man as they ran off.

"Next time we run across a gun weilding man why don't you let me talk to him."  Charlotte said as Janine snorted.

"Where are you now?"  Sam asked a bit later.

"Nearly at the edge of the woods.  Runner Five and I are doing just fine, so if you would try to calm down."  Janine said as they continued to run.

"I can see you!  Oh, oh, thank God!"  Sam called happily.  "You're back on scanners, and oh no!  No!  Five, Janine get out of there now!  There's something moving behind you, and it's coming up fast, and I don't know what it is - I've never seen a zom move like that, it's..."  Suddenly a bark sounded off.

"It's a dog."  Charlotte said as she looked back seeing a black pit bull running towards them.

"Baxter!  Baxer!  Slow down, girl!"  A man called from behind them as he ran towards them slowly stopping by Janine and Charlotte.  He was tall with a gray handlebar mustashe on his lip.  "Oh, hello, there.  Sorry, she's normally very friendly."  The man said as Baxter jumpped up on Charlotte licking her face making the red head laugh softly.  "Baxter, down!"  The man said as Baxter hopped down.

"No bother!"  Janine said excitedly kneeling down petting Baxter scratching her ears.  "Who's a good girl?  Yes, you're a good dog, aren't you?  Yes, you are!"  Janine said in a sweet voice.  She looked up seeing Charlotte looking at her with a knowing smirk.  "I mean-"  Janine clears her throat getting up.  "my associate and I are conducting a survey for Abel Township.  We'd like to ask you some questions."  

"Sure, as long as you're willing to keep moving.  I think I heard gunshots a little while ago."  The man said with a rather old english accent.

Charlotte looks at Janine who takes a slow breath.  "How... interesting.  Question one:"  Janine said as the four of them began running through the woods.  "how many people are you travelling with?"

"Just me, and Baxter of course.  Well, I guess she's not actually people."  The man said with a chuckle.

"Do you have any amily in the area?  Any children among them?  Any friends?  Anyone you may connect up with?"  Janine asked.

"Oh no, nothing like that.  I'm just on my way through here.  Better to just keep roaming these days, isn't it?  'Stay in one place, zombies eat your face!'  I always say."  The man said happily as Baxter barked happily.  He looks around giving a shiver.  "This place gives me the creeps, to be honest.  Have you seen the weird old farmhouse up on the hill?  The one with all the walls around it?"  

Charlotte bit her lip to keep from laughing as Janine looked at him slowly.  "Weird?  Old?"  Janine asked.

"It looks like someone's bombed the place!"  The man exclaimed as Charlotte's shoulder started to shake with the silent laughter as he went on.  "I'm not staying around for more of that, I can tell you.  Can't imagine who'd live up there, anyway.  All that concrete and barbed wire.  It'd be like living in a prison camp if you ask me."  

Janine took a deep breath.  "Yes, well, I think that tells us everything we need to know."  Janine put her pencil into her clipboard.

"Oh, are you sure?"  The man asked looking at the clipboard.  "It looks like you've got more questions on that form.  We don't object to the company, or anything."  The man said with a chuckle.

"No, no!"  Janine said briskly.  "I think we've heard everything we need here. If you'll excuse us, I believe we're heading in the opposite direction.  Still need to interview, say, fifteen more people today.  So good to meet you."  She concluded.

"Oh, right then."  The man said as Baxter and him turned off and headed away.  "Good bye!"  He shouted back as Charlotte let out her laughter.

"Prison camp?"  Charlotte said.

Janine turned a sharp eye to her.  "Not another word, Miss DeLoius."  She snapped as they continued to run.

"Oh come on Janine it's not that bad.  I mean yea right now Abel looks like the end of World War Z but it's our home."  Charlotte said as they continued to run.

Janine sighed softly.  "It's my home.  He has no right to pass judgement on my home."  She stressed.

Charlotte reached over gently patting her shoulder.  "Hey.  What does he know anyway?  He's just wandering around.  He doesn't seem to have a home.  And I would say his opinion means nothing to us.  He's just another survivor.  He's not part of our family."  Charlotte said as Janine looked over at her slowly nodding.  

The two ran in silence for a while before coming within a K of the large distillery.  "There we are, Runner Five.  The distillery for Pepe's Finest British Tequila.  Surely the survivors here will understand the importance of our mission."  Janine said looking at it.

"Are you sure there's anyone even in there?  Looks pretty deserted as far as I can tell."  Sam said.

"Look closer.  There's people moving on the roof of the building."  Janine said.

"They've set up a watch tower, at least.  Not bad for a new camp."  Charlotte said as she looked around.

"Oh, be careful going in this time, okay?  I'd really like it if no one else shot at you today?"  Sam said.

"Hello up there!  Can you hear us?"  Janine shouted as a young man with dyed green hair looked over the roof edge.

"What do you want?"  He shouted.

"We've come from Abel Township.  We're conducting a survey of the local population, and we'd like to ask you a few questions about your encampment!"  Janine shouted.

"Well you can't be from Abel Township, uh, it's all been blown up!"  The man shouted back.

Charlotte shook her head as Janine sighed heavily.  "We've experience a minor security setback, but I would hardly say - could someone come down?  I don't like having to shout!"  Janine shouted.

"Right, why don't you two come up here for a while, uh, have a bit of a drink?  Relax for a bit, yeah?"  The man shouted with a grin.

"I don't think that will be necessary .  We're just hoping to ask you a few questions!  It's really very important."  Janine shouted again.

"Oh come on!  Don't be like that! We've all got these, uh..."  The man said reaching next to him pulling out a hat.  "Union Jack sombreros up here, for some reason."  He put the large floppy hat on his head showing the Union jack colors on the rim.  "They'd look, uh, really nice on pretty ladies like you two.  Besides, hey, British tequila's not half bad.  Uh, as long as you try not to taste it."  The man said shrugging.

Charlotte chuckled crossing her arms looking at Janine.  "Hey Janine, you hear that?  Union Jack sombrero's."  She said grinning.

Janine shakes her head fast.  "If we could keep things professional, it would be appreciated!"  Janine shouted.  "Simply answer a few questions about the people in your settlement, and we'll be on our way.  And I don't wear hats!"  She snapped.

The man stood straight.  "Well, if you're going to get snippy about it, then we'll just find some other women to drink with.  Do you know any other women?"  

"Just give me a number!"  Janine all but screamed.

For a moment eh man didn't say anything.  He looked back onto the roof before turning back.  "Seven."  He shouted back.

Janine wrote it down and nearly yanked Charlotte off her feet heading back towards the motorway.  "That's it!  That is it."  Janine growled as they ran.  "Come on, Runner five.  We're going home."

"Janine?  Is everything okay down there?"  Sam asked.

"A little cooperation, why is that too much to ask?  Just a reasonable amount of fellowship.  Humans working together against the zombies, but no no no no no, we can't have that!"  Janine rambled as Charlotte gave her space.

"Five, is she okay?"  Sam asked softly.

"Just a bit perturbed.  She's currently walking ahead of me muttering to herself.  It's kinda like a tantrum a teenager would have."  Charlotte said as Janine looked at her.

"We've gather enough data for today.  I think in future it's best if we send Runner five out on these assignments alone.  Perhaps people will respond to someone more... favorable."  Janine said.

"So, uh, would this be a good or bad moment to mention there's a couple of zombies moving in your direction?  Because uh, yeah, that's happening."  Sam said as Charlotte looked around seeing a few zombies off in the distance.

"Oh no, Mr. Yao.  I think it's very good timing indeed.  I feel like I could stand to take a swing at a few heads on the way home.  What do you say, Runner Five?"  Janine asked as Charlotte smirks taking out her sledge hammer.  

"Sounds good to me."  Charlotte replied as Janine put the clipboard into her pack and pulled out a bat from her pack.

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