#It’s almost 4 in the morning I do not have enough energy to clean this up and add a background mshdgsj

[cryptidkey]

Hallucination Caleb <3

[simpingsavant]

Late Night

Pairing: Spencer Agnew x GN!Reader

Summary: You are the person always working when Spencer stops by to get his fix of Mountain Dew Kickstart.

Genre/Warnings: Fluff, slow-burn. A gross man flirts w you for plot purposes. Promise it's very non-major but just in case.

Word Count: 6.4k

A/N: First time posting for smosh, but not the first time posting fanfic. I made a whole side blog for this lol I'm thinking I want to post more so feel free to send me smosh requests and give lots of love so I stay motivated to write more hehe <3

Working the graveyard shift at a 24-hour convenience store is generally not a good idea. Except this one is in a nice area of LA, you’re almost always working with someone, and it’s slow enough that you can get your grad school work done.

Four months ago, when you were first looking at the help wanted sign in the window, you decided you would give it a week to see if it was actually worth it. Now, you were contently typing away on your computer as a group of middle-aged people grabbed alcohol and snacks. They were fancily dressed but the expressions on their faces were reminiscent of college students who were partying through the night like they owned it. When they came up with a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and enough snacks to last them weeks, you happily scanned the items.

The silver fox dressed in a deep, blue suit dropped a twenty in the tip jar.

“Thank you,” You said, handing him a receipt as his cohorts grabbed the food.

The bell jingled as they left. Your coworker was in the back taking inventory. You looked down at your laptop, rereading the last couple of sentences as you found your place in the research essay you’d been taking notes from.

You loved your job. You worked from 11 pm to 8 am and although it took you time to adjust to a new sleep schedule, it was worth it. You were paid slightly more since you were working such an atrocious shift and you never interacted with your boss. Occasionally, he would message you that he was coming in early to talk, but he often just texted about what he wanted you to get done.

Until 1 am, you were working with Michael, a young man who was in his senior year of college. At 4 am, Marie would come in, an older Latina woman who had been working this shift for over ten years now. She’d relieve you for your break and you’d come back just in time for the morning rush.

You liked the morning rush. Although you couldn’t get much homework done at the time, it was when you had your most regulars. You would see moms buying their children lunch before school, office workers buying cheap coffee, and students buying energy drinks.

Marie would man the register, and you would come to help if needed. During rests, you would be restocking shelves or cleaning.

From 1 am to 4 am, you would usually see only a few faces. You would see students who stay up extremely late or workers having to go in much too early. Since it was a nice neighborhood, they were all pleasant people and you never worried about your own safety or well-being. 

Only one regular came in consistently during these hours. He looked to be about your age with chocolate hair that curled at the nape of his neck. He came in just after 1 am and always sported dark eye circles. He purchased anywhere from 4 to 8 cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and occasionally a bag of chips. 

Sometimes, you’d see him in the morning again before you were off. He’d buy a cheap coffee and some fruit.

For the first month, you were too concerned with doing your job well to start any conversations besides pleasantries. He was, however, the first customer you recognized as a regular. You couldn’t help but wonder why anyone would need so many energy drinks. In particular, why in God's name did he love Mountain Dew Kickstart?

Maybe you were so intrigued because he caught your eye from day one. He was dressed in combat boots and a worn jacket. You soon learned those two items were part of his daily attire. You liked the way his hair looked or the way his downturned eyes crinkled as he smiled.

In your second month of working there, you spent way too much time trying to think of a way to start a conversation.

So far, you only got:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“How’s your night going?”

“Good, and you?”

“Fine. Do you want a bag?”

“No, I have my backpack.”

“Okay. Your total is $12.53, go ahead and swipe, insert, or tap your card. Would you like your receipt?”

Sometimes he said yes, sometimes he said no. A few times, your hands would brush. He was always so warm, your cold hands lingering as he bashfully smiled and looked away.

“Have a good one.”

“You too.”

His hair was getting longer and you thought it suited him well. You wanted nothing more than a reason to hold a genuine conversation with him.

During your third month, that reason finally came.

He walked in, luscious locks replaced with a buzz cut and you couldn’t help but go “Oh wow.”

“Is it that bad?” He joked, rubbing the top of his head.

“No, no,” You immediately said, hands moving rapidly. “It just surprised me.” A beat of silence followed before you added, “You pull it off.” He really did, but you also took that as a sign you liked him a little too much. You felt like a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Thanks, it was for work,” He adds, voice monotone despite the little grin he sported at your compliment. He walks farther into the store, toward the opposite wall with the display of drinks.

“For work? Are you joining the army?” You question, stumbling over your words slightly as you realize that it’s finally happening—you are finally holding a conversation with him.

“No,” He laughs. “I work for this online entertainment company.” He fills his arms with five cans. “It was for a special.”

“Oh,” You reply, rolling on the balls of your feet as you try to think of ways to keep the conversation going. “Are you an actor?”

“More behind the scenes,” He replies, coming up to the counter and placing his drinks down. He grabs a bag of chips from the front display.

“That’s cool,” You say, picking up the first can as you begin scanning.

He shrugs, “I’m sure half the city does stuff online.”

“I doubt that,” You scoff. “Maybe half does entertainment, but definitely not exclusively online content.” Feeling a little bad for shutting him down, you look up at him for a moment, expecting to see disappointment or annoyance.

Instead, he’s smiling. It’s not a large smile, but it quells your anxiety.

“You’re probably right,” He answers, fishing out his card.

“I usually am,” You joke, giving him a quick look before clicking away on your screen. “Your total is $10.54.”

He lets out a short laugh that makes your insides flip with satisfaction. “I’m Spencer by the way,” He offers, putting away his card after the reader beeps.

“Y/N,” You say, tapping your name tag. “Do you want your receipt, Spencer?”

“Sure, Y/N,” He answers, putting his drinks into his backpack.

You rip it from the printer and hold it out. The way he said your name makes you shiver. He takes the receipt and bids you farewell.

You see him in the morning and you’re eighty percent sure he times it to check out with you instead of Marie. Today he opted for an iced coffee with lots of cream and a plastic container of chopped mango.

“Good morning, Spencer. How’d you sleep?”

“Good, but not long enough. What about you?”

You see a flash of realization on his face as soon as he says it, but you’re speaking before he can correct himself.

“Haven’t slept yet, but I get off in ten minutes and will be able to sleep till five today so that’s nice.”

“What’s at five?”

“Class. They’re in the evening since so many grad students work day jobs.” You tap away on the screen. “Would you like your receipt?”

“Nah, just toss it.” He picks up the drink and fruit. “See ya later, Y/N.”

“See you,” You reply, crumpling the receipt and throwing it in the small trash bin under your register before waving to the next customer.

~~

Since then, Spencer has come in every night without fail and sparked a conversation with you. You learn that the company he works for is called Smosh and you think the name is vaguely familiar. He asks you what you’re studying and why you’re always on your laptop.

The next month and a half goes by quickly. You come to expect him, anticipating his nightly visits. He has recently started staying longer, leaning over the counter and smiling at you as he talks about something that happened the other day. If another person comes in, he usually takes that as his sign to leave, wishing you well and exiting before the new customer is ready to check out.

You’re unfortunately not getting as much homework done because of this, but you don’t mind one bit. You either work during your break or just take some time before class to do more. You wonder if he’s not getting as much sleep because of this, worried you’re burdening him. Despite this, you know that you’ll selfishly never be able to turn him away. Even if it is for his own benefit.

Once, he came in before Michael had left. Your conversation was curt and he left right after you gave him the receipt. Michael stared you down the whole time and Spencer was clearly thrown off by another person being there.

“Who was that?” Your coworker asked, moving toward you from his spot behind the hot food.

“Just a regular,” You answer, trying to keep your cool. You pull out a cloth and begin wiping down the counter, wanting to occupy your hands. “He usually comes later.”

“Ah,” Michael says, nodding slowly and giving you a look. “That’s it?”

“Yeah?”

“Interesting.”

The comment piques your interest and you can’t help but ask, “How so?”

Michael smirks at you, “Why do you care?”

“Bro, shut up,” You hiss, pushing him out of your face and walking over to your stash of food. Your face felt hot as you walked past, and you attempted to hide it in the collar of your shirt. It was never fun to be caught with a crush, but you wanted to know Michael’s thoughts. So far, you and Spencer always talked in privacy, with no onlookers to comment on if your feelings seemed mutual.

“Fine, fine,” He relents, holding his hands up. “It’s just that I saw him through the window before he came in and he was smiling way too big for someone coming in the pick up energy drinks.”

“You’d be surprised. He gets those every night,” You defensively argue, “He probably has a shrine at home.”

“Oh, come on,” Michael says, rolling his eyes as you pop a chip into your mouth. “That smile dropped as soon as he saw me. I bet he wishes it was just you.”

“Don’t say that stuff.”

“Why not? Don’t you like him? You definitely lit up when you saw him.”

You gawk at your coworker, absolutely astonished at how easy it was for him to notice. This was the first time anyone witnessed the two of you interact and now you were questioning every interaction. Did he like you? Or did he just like that you gave him a confidence boost because your infatuation was so obvious?

“W-what’s your major again? Investigation?” You accuse, stuttering out of pure frustration.

“Yes, actually—”

You roll your eyes, but the sound of the door brings your back to attention. You steel your expression but are grateful the conversation ended. It was a wake-up call for you and you spent the rest of your shift trying to understand your feelings more.

Could it still be called a crush? You felt like you knew so much and yet so little about him. When did you cross the line from strangers to acquaintances? How do you go from acquaintances to friends? Did you even want to be friends?

After that, Spencer always came in after Michael left, his disposition more friendly when it was just the two of you. You didn’t know if that was a good sign or a bad sign, but it was hard to think about when only a counter separated the two of you and he was radiating warmth and cracking jokes.

~~

“Okay,” You hear Michael say and all of a sudden you are back to reality, no farther in your reading than you were 10 minutes ago.

The door to the back shuts and you look at your coworker with wide eyes.

“I finally finished with inventory.”

He looks down at his phone, prompting you to look at the time showing on your laptop.

12:56

“Sweet,” He says, tucking his phone into his back pocket. “Need anything from me before I go?” 

“No,” You answer. “Enjoy your night.”

“Thanks, I’m gonna go grab my stuff before I clock out.”

“For sure. See you tomorrow.”

“Later,” Michael says.

He opens the door to the back and you turn to your computer. The break room was through those doors as was the back entrance which almost all employees used when coming and going.

You focused on your computer, reading the most important parts of the study and taking down notes. In the back of your mind, you knew Spencer would be arriving soon. It makes you nervous, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you await his arrival.

You have been thinking lately about how to advance your relationship. Maybe get more personal with the information or invite him to hang out outside of your job. The idea makes you queasy because you worry about ruining everything by trying to get more.

You finished the reading and moved on to another class assignment. Spencer came in soon after, his lips quirked up and no jacket on. The weather was getting warmer and it was rather dry. You could absolutely walk around with only a T-shirt and jeans on despite the time.

This, however, drew your eyes to his arms immediately. They weren’t as hairy as you were expecting, his beard and how quickly his hair grew back making you think they would be. He wasn’t very muscley in any way, but your eyes shamelessly lingered on his biceps longer than you wanted.

His skin was littered with freckles and tattoos, black ink that started at his forearm and rose past his t-shirt. You could spend hours looking at them, a couple of them immediately garnering your interest.

“Hey,” You greeted, your eyes snapping up to his face. You were pretty sure he caught you, but he thankfully said nothing. Maybe he was used to his tattoos being looked at, an easy cover considering you weren’t just looking at his tattoos.

“Hey, how’s your night?” He makes his way across the store with ease, eyes staying on you.

“Fine, it’s extra slow tonight.”

“That’s nice,” He’s speaking loud enough that you can hear him from far away. “Are you getting a lot of homework done?”

“Yeah,” You replied. “Finals are coming up and I’m working on all the trivial homework now so I can study and work on the final essays in the library.”

“Is this your final year?”

“Sort of. I’ll be getting my masters after this, but I’m on an automated track for my PhD.”

There’s silence as he grabs a final can and walks up to the front. It’s almost awkward, but you aren’t sure why. It seems like he wants to ask you something, but is struggling to say it.

You start scanning his items, letting him think instead of trying to fill the space with meaningless talk.

“Are you still working here over the summer?”

“I am,” You light up, realizing why he was nervous. It sent a spark through your body to think about him missing you.

God, you wanted him so bad.

“I’m also doing some research work for a professor though,” You add. “I’m honestly too busy to have a job and it will only get worse in the upcoming year, but I need the money and this is the best option for pay and the ability to do homework.”

“Damn,” Spencer sighs. “I’m sorry about that.”

His voice is soft and sincere. It throws you off for a moment, not used to this kind of sympathy. Your social circle consists of Michael, Marie, and other students who were also going through their own shit.

“Oh, it's nothing,” You shyly reply, eyes falling to the counter and lips forming a tight line as your mind races.

“No, seriously,” Spencer insists. “It must be so difficult and yet you never seem like you’re struggling.”

With a large breath, you finally accept his compliment. “Thank you, that’s very nice of you.” You look up to see that his gaze is already on you and you hold eye contact for an absurd amount of time. You’re sure any onlookers would consider the scene intense.

The pressure of the moment builds, compressing your lungs.

“Um, anyways, your total is $9.54,” You say, breaking the silence and eye contact.

“Oh, right.”

Spencer shoves his hand into his pocket to grab his wallet and you once again admire his arms as he’s busy.

“How was work today?” You ask, wanting to dissipate the intensity of the moment.

“Long.” He answers. “This week is a filming week so I’ve been busy as hell working behind the camera and being in a few videos too. Tomorrow is Friday though and I don’t have to be in till 11 am.”

You hum in acknowledgment, “That sucks.” 

Long ago, when curiosity finally got to you, you looked up Smosh. You realized quickly that the name was familiar because it was quite popular back in OG YouTube. You spent an hour exploring their channels before growing bored and looking up videos with Spencer specifically. It was weird and you could only watch in short increments of time before needing a break. You felt like you were violating his privacy, but struggled to stop when you realized just how funny he was, his humor translating perfectly on camera. He held your attention in so many videos, quick quips making you burst out laughing.

You also note the differences in how he talks to you and how he talks to the camera. Although quiet, he cracks jokes almost every time he speaks. His coworkers seem like friends and you’re sure that helps to comfort any nerves he would have on screen. However, they were obviously trained on-camera talent whereas he simply fell into it because of how much the audience liked him. Around you, he made jokes, but he also seemed to shed the demeanor he developed for videos. Not every sentence was about entertaining.

They were real. Real discussions with real problems no matter how mundane.

“Yeah, but at least we are getting it done. Next week is all at my computer or in meetings,” He adds, tucking away his card and putting his drinks into his backpack. “Anyways, so, when is your finals week?”

“In two weeks technically, but I have a couple of major things going on next week,” You answer, taking a seat on the stool next to you.

“Like what?” Spencer inquires, a light in his eyes that sends a shiver up your spine.

“Well, I’m taking four classes. Two of them have an exam and a final essay. One has a final essay and matching presentation, and then last is a group assignment that also has a presentation and essay.”

“Oh no, not a group assignment,” Spencer interjects, empathy on the tip of his tongue.

“I know,” You agree, nerves falling away as you ease into familiar territory. “People in masters programs are not as bad but they can still be pretty clueless and unhelpful.” You shake your head in frustration, “Like this one guy in my group, he thinks he is so edgy and smart. He takes no criticism but also doesn’t put in enough work. He’s basically made me his personal target and I literally have a group chat with two other members just to rant when he says the stupidest shit.”

“Damn, sounds like an ass.”

“He is,” You groan, closing your eyes. “But we are almost done. We have the essay due next week and then presentations during the finals period.” You grin in relief, “After that, I have two weeks of break before starting my internship with the professor.”

“Are you getting paid for that?” Spencer asks.

The conversation was flowing easily, his interest in your life more evident than ever. It isn’t lost on you that he’s exhibiting every sign of attentive listening and it makes your insides twist. He’s leaning forward, fingers tapping away on the counter as he nods periodically.

“Only in experience,” You sigh. “Money would be great, but I’d rather learn from this and not get paid than not do it at all. I only have to dedicate 12 hours a week to it anyway and that’s not much considering my usual schedule is jam-packed.”

“What’s the study about?” He asks, holding your gaze more often than usual. You find it hard to reciprocate, too nervous to engage in whatever he is doing. You aren’t sure if you could call it flirting because he definitely wasn’t complimenting you, but he was acting differently enough that it was noticeable.

Before you can answer, a customer walks in, the bell ringing in your ears as you look at the brunette in front of you. You expect him to leave like every time before, but he doesn’t move. Although thrown off slightly, you recover quickly and answer his question. When the customer is ready to check out, Spencer simply steps to the side but lingers near. As soon as the man leaves, Spencer is right back where he was and asking you another question that keeps you talking.

He leaves twenty minutes later, eyes half-lidded and tired. You don’t see him that morning, likely because he doesn’t have to go into the office as early as usual. Despite logic, you still miss him.

~~

When Spencer comes in that night, he’s later than usual. Not by much, it’s not even 2 am when he walks through the door. And yet, he’s apologetic.

“Hey, sorry,” He mumbles, coming right up to the counter.

Taken aback, your hands slip from your keyboard and you stand up straight. Fridays were always the busiest weekday and although you did wonder where Spencer was, you didn’t have much time to think about it.

“I was playing a game and totally lost track of time,” He continued, a touch more out of breath than usual. He runs a hand through his short, recently bleached hair.

“No worries,” You say, not quite sure why he’s apologizing. It’s not like you had a set time to hang out or do something together. “Need to come get a drink so you can keep going?” You ask, trying to dissipate the awkward feeling that was bubbling up. You didn’t want to let yourself assume more than was reality.

“No, no, I mean,” He stumbles, “I probably will go back to playing, I just—never mind.” He looks down, staring at the counter, specifically the display of scratchers in the built-in glass case.

God, this felt so weird. You shouldn’t have said that, maybe he actually wanted to see you but then you ruined it by making it about the drinks and not you.

“So, what game were you playing?” You ask, the air feeling stuffy.

After a relieved sigh, Spencer goes into the details. You listen intently because not only is he a good storyteller, but you also genuinely care about his interests.

As he rants about some game mechanic, your mind begins to wander. More precisely, you wonder if your affection for him is obvious. Even from the short interaction you had in front of Michael, he could tell there was something more going on. To a stranger would it be obvious? To your friends would it be obvious? Would they say you two would make a cute couple? Or would they not see the chemistry?

“Oh, that’s frustrating,” You say, picking up on the pause in his monologue.

“Eh,” He shrugs, “It’s life.” He leans over the counter, shoulders more relaxed than when he first entered. “I needed a break anyway. So, how’s your night been?”

“Well,” You begin. “I felt rather lost without you.” Sarcasm is dripping off your tongue and Spencer immediately smiles. “My internal clock is all screwed up.”

“You poor thing,” He says, playing along.

“You, sir, need to take your responsibility more seriously,” You laugh, sitting back down in your chair and leaning over to grab your water. “More than half an hour late, I’m sure your body is screaming for a Mountain Dew.”

“Not just a Mountain Dew,” He protests, “A Mountain Dew Kickstart.”

You giggle, just about to add something before the bell rings and your eyes immediately shift to the front door. The patron, dressed in black jeans, a blue hoodie, and a leather jacket, comes up to you immediately. In the fifteen-foot walk between you and the door, you notice he is at least twenty years older than you, skin wrinkling and sagging with age. His clothes are worn, fraying at the seams. When he pushes forward, Spencer immediately slinks away, stepping over to look at the opposite wall of food. The stranger places his hands on the counter and you see dirt under his nails.

When he speaks, his voice is hoarse.

“Two packs of the Marlboro Red,” He commands, his eyes dragging up and down your body. Just as you turn to grab the cigarettes, you can see a smirk forming on his lips.

You sigh, taking a moment to harden your exterior before turning around to scan the packs. These kinds of customers were uncommon for the area, but still came in enough for you to pick them out of a crowd immediately. Usually, they leave easily enough.

“Anything else?” You ask, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

“Two of those beef taquitos, hun,” He says, a dirty finger pressing against the warm glass.

You feel a wave of cold at the name but move aside to grab the hot food without any fuss. The sooner he leaves the better. When you hand them over to him, he purposefully moves his hand far enough forward that it touches yours. You are vaguely aware of Spencer in the background, but force your eyes off him.

You can deal with this on your own just fine.

The stranger's eyes linger on your hand and you snatch it away, typing on the tablet to add the taquitos to his total.

“Anything else?” You echo, voice more curt than before.

“Hmm,” He hums contemplatively, putting his finger to his chin like he’s performing. “I suppose I’ll take your number too.”

You fake a laugh, looking into his eyes for only a moment before going back to your screen. “Although I’m flattered, I don’t give my number to strangers.” A few more taps to the device, “Your total is $22.37.”

“Well,” He leans forward and reads off your name from the tag. It sounds sickly coming from his lips. “My name is Mark. Give me your number and then we won’t be strangers.” He pulls out his card to pay, shoving the cigarettes into his pockets.

You give him a forced smile, resting your hand on your heart while you try to let him down gently. “Nice to meet you, Mark, but still. I am not interested.”

“Why?” He questions, “You got a boyfriend?”

You debate telling him you’re in a relationship. Maybe it will get him to leave, maybe he’ll just suggest you cheat. It’s always difficult to tell.

“Dude,” You hear a voice speak up. “You’re holding up the line.”

Mark turns around to see Spencer a few feet behind. You have to crane your neck to see him, the brunette lining up down an aisle. He’s holding some random items, clearly having wandered around the store, paying attention but trying to look like he was merely shopping.

Just before Mark can say anything, Spencer is pushing forward and shouldering past. “Just take the L and move on,” He deadpans, his voice low and foreboding. He stares down the stranger, putting his items onto the counter without even looking away. He’s half a head shorter than the guy, but his presence alone makes up for that tenfold.

“Here’s your receipt,” You quietly interject, holding it out. Half of you was thankful for the interruption, but the other half of you was annoyed. Despite that, you choose to use this opportunity to end the conversation.

With a huff, Mark snatches the receipt from your hand.

“Whatever,” He mumbles to himself, “Bitch.”

The bell dings as he exits, leaving you and Spencer in a loud silence. You let out a shaky breath.

“Oh my god,” Spencer begins. His words draw your gaze away from the door and to him. You can see the concern on his face and the disgust in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” You have a moment to say before he’s talking again.

“What an ass. Do you not have a panic button?”

“I do,” You answer, “But that’s for robberies.”

“Or this!” He protests, gesturing at the door where the man had exited. “You need to stay safe.”

“I was staying safe,” You defend.

“I can’t believe they have you alone at this time of night,” Spencer continues, seemingly not registering your words. “Like, anyone can just come in here!”

“Spencer,” You say, trying to grab his attention.

“You should never have to deal with that kind of–”

“Spencer,” You repeat, finally getting him to shut up.

“What?”

“It’s fine, I can deal with this on my own. You didn’t need to help,” You explain, wishing the moment would simply pass so you could move on.

“Just because you can deal with it on your own doesn’t mean you have to,” He argues, his voice softer than before.

His words leave you at a loss, unsure how to respond. He breaks the silence before you can.

“How often does this happen?”

“Not often,” You say, struggling to make any eye contact. “This is a nice area and usually they just give up after a couple of tries.”

Spencer sighs, running a hand through his hair with an exasperated expression. “Sorry,” He mumbles, the word being pulled from him. “I shouldn’t have freaked out like that.” You can see the regret in his eyes. “I got so heated and I should have just made sure you were okay.”

“Oh,” You say, “Thanks.” His apology was unexpected but very appreciated. “I am fine.”

Spencer nods, the moment feeling slightly awkward as the resolution comes. “When does the next person get here?” He asks.

“Four,” You answer, taking a chance to grab your phone and check the time.

2:21

“Damn, that’s a long time.”

“It’s whatever,” You shrug. “It goes pretty quickly since I’m basically just talking to you and then doing homework.”

When the words register for him, there’s a glint in his eyes and a small smile forming on his face. “That’s good,” He replies. There’s a pause before he speaks again, “But damn, that’s like an hour and a half away.”

“Yeah,” You sigh, resting back on your stool.

“Can I stay?” He asks, surprising you. “For peace of mine, I mean. I’m just thinking about me leaving and that guy coming right back in. I don’t know, it’s dumb, but I just can’t imagine leaving you right now.”

“Sure,” You reply, interrupting his word vomit once you’ve regained your barrings.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” You shrug, a closed-lip grin forming. “I would love for you to keep me company.”

“Cool,” He says, a smile forming for him.

The moment is awkward and foreign. From an outside perspective, you probably both look like grinning idiots.

“Well,” Spencer begins, breaking the silence, “I’m definitely going to need an energy drink to stay awake.” He looks down at the pile of snacks he brought up. “You keep working, I’m gonna put these away and come back up with stuff I actually want to buy.”

“Roger that,” You reply, giving him a look before turning back to your computer. You don’t get much work done as you wait for him to come back up. You can’t see him in the aisles, but as he moves between aisles, he always looks at you. The security camera screen is just to your right and you can’t help but watch him as he puts away the random collection of items.

You’re nervous, too distracted by his presence to focus on anything. You were somewhat excited to spend such a prolonged period of time with him. However, you were also absolutely terrified that you would make a fool of yourself or simply seem too boring.

“Okay,” You hear him say, already aware that he was making his way back to the front. “All done.” He is now holding three cans of Mountain Dew Kickstart and a chocolatey protein bar. “Can I also get a couple of taquitos?”

“What kind?” You ask, reaching forward to start scanning his items.

“Your pick, I guess."

You smile at him and see he’s already grinning at you. You can’t help it, everything he does seems to make you happy beyond logic. “I’ll give you one chicken and one fiesta. The beef is fine and the cheese is not good.”

“Sounds like a plan,” He laughs, pulling out his card to pay and then opening a can and taking a big swig.

“Did that guy getting some make you crave them?” You ask, a joking glint in your eyes as you look up at him.

“Am I a misogynist if I say yes?” He replies, making you let out a laugh that was just a little too loud.

When you hand him the taquitos, he leans back onto the counter, head turned so you can see his side profile. He has the drink in one hand and the paper bag of taquitos in another. He takes a bite, a comfortable silence falling over you both. You occupy your time by looking down at your computer and mindlessly clicking around while you try to think of things to talk about. 

“How was work?” You say, deciding on that as the least risky option.

“Good,” He shrugs. “We finished a little late and traffic meant I didn’t get home till almost 7 pm.”

“Oh jeez,” You groan. “My commute is pretty easy in the morning because I go opposite the traffic.”

“I’m jealous,” He replies, smiling at you. “Do you live far from here?”

A shock of electricity shoots through your body. “Somewhat. This isn’t my local convenience store, but I’m not that far.”

Spencer nods, “This isn’t mine either.”

“What?”

He turns to look at you, eyebrows perked up like he didn’t just say something ridiculous.

“This isn’t your nearest convenience store,” You repeat slowly. When he nods, you ask, “So why do you come here?”

Spencer laughs, realizing his mistake. “The one nearest me is literally down the street, but they don’t always have these,” He answers, holding up the pineapple orange mango-flavored drink. “This store is only a few more minutes away and it always has them.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s because you buy our stock,” You joke. “I’ve literally had my boss ask about why we are selling so many more.”

“Really?” He gasps, leaning in closer. “I used to only make the walk here if the closer one was out, but four months ago I just stopped bothering.”

The fact that four months is when you started working is not lost on you. Feeling confident, you add, “What about when you get coffee? I’m sure the other one has coffee.”

“True.” He looks slightly caught off guard, eyes scanning the store before speaking, “I only come to get coffee here if I’m too lazy to make it at home and running early enough to…” He pauses for a second, the sentence closing as if it wasn’t the planned ending. Finally, he adds, “To see you.”

You hum, looking down because your face is warm and you’re at a loss for words. Luckily, he’s too nervous to look at you either. You feel tingly, knowing full well that this is a special moment that you’ll look back on if you end up dating.

“Anyways,” Spencer breaks the silence. Before he can say anything else, he yawns, mouth opening wide.

“You know you can go home, right?” You laugh. When you look down at your computer, you see it’s about half an hour later. “No one has come in and I doubt anyone will before Marie gets here.”

“No, no,” He protests. “And anyway, aren’t I making time fly?”

“I suppose,” You grin. “You are quite great company.”

Spencer flashes you a smile that makes your insides twist. You wonder if he is picking up on all this. If he can tell that you’re interested in him.

“I’m honored.”

“You should be.” You sarcastically quip. “I have high standards for the company I keep close to me.”

“Is this close?” He contemplates aloud. “I’ve never even seen you without your black polo, black pants, and nonslip shoes.”

You laugh, looking down at your clothes. “Don’t you like this fit?”

“I mean, I love it,” Spencer starts, “But I don’t know how much you’re serving day to day.”

“I serve even when I’m only going to class,” You protest. “Maybe when I’m done with finals, I’ll grace you with my out-of-work personality.”

Spencer grins, “I’d be honored.”

You’re on high alert, knowing exactly what was happening.

“You should be,” You echo, unsure of what else to say. It doesn’t matter though. You could say anything and Spencer would find you charming.

“Maybe we can go to competing stores and graffiti them,” He suggests, long since turned around so he can look at you fully.

“Pft,” You laugh. “I don’t want to get arrested with you the first time we hang out.”

“You don’t? That’s usually my go-to!”

“Well, my go-to is food. Or the arcade.”

“The arcade?” He questions. “All this time I’ve been talking about games and you’ve never mentioned that you’re also a gamer?”

“I am not!” You protest. “Definitely not compared to you. You’re a savant and I’m the fool.”

“I doubt that,” He replies, a grin never leaving his face as he leans in closer. “I say arcade so I can check out your skills.”

“Deal,” You say, leaning onto the counter so you are only a few feet away. “The arcade it is.”

[lou-struck]

The Apple of My Pie

Kenma Kozume x reader

Flufftober Day 13~ Apple Pie

W.C. 1.2k

~These long days of streaming can drive Kenma crazy, so much so he swears he can smell something delicious coming from the kitchen.

A few years ago, Kenma Kozume would've never considered himself a workaholic.

Unnecessary effort for mundane tasks was seemingly pointless. Why work hard on something that doesn't matter to you?"

He had this train of thought until he met you, and everything changed. He started to dream of a future with you. And he realized that In order to make that dream come true he has to do more than just the bare minimum.

~

Hey Hey Hey, it's my birthday. It would mean the world to me if you gave me a shout-out. 

What console is he playing this on?

Follow 4 follow anyone?????

What texture pack are U using? Ur game looks different than mine?

The chat in his stream seems to move faster than his avatar as he plays through one of his favorite games. His eyes are dry and irritated from staring at the screen for hours, but he keeps pushing himself. It may only be October now, but he really wants to earn enough to take you on your dream vacation in the new year. 

His desk is littered with water bottles but he can't seem to remember the last time he has eaten. Was it breakfast?

Maybe…

Glancing over at the clock, he wonders what time you will get home from work today. Usually, when you come home, you poke your head into his office, and he will wrap up his stream to spend some time with you.

When you left the house this morning, you had that cute look on your face that you get when you are trying to hide something, but he still cannot figure out what it was that you were hiding. 

His brain goes on autopilot as he runs through the map, killing enemies and looting chests as he tries to figure out the little mystery. 

Did you plan a date night?

…

That could be it.

A soft smile tugs at his lips as he wonders if he should beat you to the punch and take you out tonight for dinner. Or better yet, maybe he should order some takeout from the place you like and have a night in.

He starts to reach for his phone to check your location when something sweet, something nostalgic, wafts under his nose. He inhales deeply, but then he remembers that his automatic air freshener broke last week and starts to worry.

Sometimes, when he spends the day streaming and working, he can forget things, like if he lit one of those sweet-smelling fall candles you bought for the house earlier when he went to grab an energy drink from the fridge.

Shit…

Suddenly, his screen bleeds red, and he realizes that in his state of distraction, his avatar died, much to the surprise of all of his viewers. 

"Ummmm, okay, guys, I think I need to call it quits after that one," he says into the camera. Signing off with his usual quiet demeanor, his fans can't seem to get enough of it. As his blinking camera light goes dark, he pushes out his gaming chair and slides across the wooden floor in his socks as he tries to find the source of the smell. 

The kitchen light illuminates the stairway, casting his shadow along the portrait-speckled walls, and to his relief, he spots a familiar-looking set of car keys on the corner of the hallway table and immediately feels at ease. 

The sound of you shuffling through the kitchen brings a smile to your face as he walks toward you and the warm, sweet smell that only gets stronger with each step he takes. Now out of panic mode, Kenma allows his eyes to readjust from the dark, blue light of his office to the warm, cozy lights of the kitchen. 

He reaches the bottom of the steps and walks into the kitchen entryway, where you are hunched over the sink washing a large silver mixing bowl. The countertop looks almost shiny as if it is still wet from being cleaned, but on the corner of the island sits a few containers of spices, just waiting to be put away. He can't make out the labels from the doorway, but he is pretty sure he at least sees some cinnamon. 

"It smells good in here," he murmurs, grabbing your attention; your head snaps toward the sound in surprise, but calm down when you see it's just him.

"Ken, I thought you were streaming still." you breathe, quickly setting the now clean bowl onto the drying rack. "How long have you been standing there?"

"I was," he says. Doing little to hide his satisfaction of seeing you trying to adorably look nonchalant. "But I started too early and needed a break, so not long."

"I see," you say, your gaze nervously darting every which way except… He turns his head towards the window sill and sees his all-time favorite dessert, a freshly baked, still steaming apple pie, cooling in the chilly fall air. 

"Damn, you caught me," you tell him, wrapping your arms around his stiff midsection; he really needs to get a better chair in his office. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"I am surprised," he says, starting to walk toward the window, taking you, who is still holding onto him with him. His keen, catlike eyes scan the dessert, and it looks amazing. The crust is golden and unbelievably flaky, and the lattice looks like it just walked off the set of one of those cooking shows his mom used to watch all the time. 

You must've worked really hard on this…

"The pie looks amazing," he says, hypnotized by its beauty. 

"It's better," you laugh, regarding your masterpiece with a critical gaze. "It took me forever to make it. I got home a few hours ago and tried to be as quiet as I could. I had wanted to bring you a slice when you got done streaming, but making the filling took way longer than I thought."

His heart swells as he is touched by the care that you put into this surprise, but he turns away from it. The pie may be a masterpiece, but you are far more important. To this day, Kenma doesn't know how he ended up with an S-rank partner like you, but he is too afraid to ask in case you one day wake up and realize that you could be with someone a hundred times better than him…

"So, do you really like it?" you ask softly, your expression tender.

"I love it y/n, seriously. You are amazing." He gently cups your cheek and wipes away a little streak of flour from your warm skin. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, you say, your eyes shining, and he can see his lovesick, adoring reflection staring back at him.

He kisses you and tastes something sweeter than apples on your lips. He may not be the smoothest guy in the world, but he knows you and doesn't pull back until you are weak in the knees. 

His lips are just centimeters from yours when he asks if he could have a piece. 

Tagging: @pixelcafe-network @ambiguouslady42

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

What kind of drunk would the villagers of SDV be? 👀

Heh, it was so funny to write the answer to this ask right after my own hangover. Quite the experience, I would say 😅

I hope, anon, you don't mind if I don't write about Evelyn and George and the kids on this ask, because trying to imagine them drunk... is an unpleasant thought for me. But I will describe all the others (if I do not forget about someone). Thanks for your ask! ❤️

Drunk SDV villagers (except Evelyn, George and kids):

Oh what music! After 3 or 4 glasses of sambuca, Emily feels much more energetic (even more than usual) and simply has to find a potential victim partner to dance until they both fall to exhaustion. In the morning, however, she does not remember anything.

In general, Sebastian despises the taste of alcohol, but somehow he decided to try something like Amaretto coffee or Irish coffee (basically coffee with liqueur or whiskey). Yuck, Sebby didn't appreciate it. The taste of alcohol is terrible and now he feels sleepy and weak. And he can't ride his motorcycle in that condition. It sucks, now he's a mischievous and sleepy drunk.

Jodi is always busy cleaning the house and cooking, so she has almost no time to relax. But if she does get a chance to have a glass of wine with Caroline and Marnie, then she will be more cheerful and a little more chatty, nothing hardcore.

Preferring more green tea and coffee, Caroline, however, also agrees to hang out with friends with the bottle of something strong. Being slightly drunk from a couple of glasses of wine, Caroline will chuckle at her friends' every joke, and may even decide to order a stronger drink. True, all the energy leaves quickly and she immediately becomes drowsy drunk.

Cheerful and energetic, Abigail is ready to conquer mountains after a few strong cocktails. A drunk girl teeters on the edge of "noisy party soul" and "I'm ready to get into any fight for my homies." Luckily, she's not drunk enough to stubbornly go into the mines with a sword in her condition.

Marnie, having drunk about 5 glasses of wine, becomes flirty drunk. And Lewis's slightly angry comments about the fact that she can work on their secret relationship does not bother her at all. It's been a long time since she felt so cheerful and carefree, just like when she was young, ah...

Lewis, meanwhile, teeters somewhere between "paranoid drunk" and "sleazy drunk." At his age, it's not very useful to drink so much alcohol, and now to keep an eye on Marnie, who, as he thinks, will now blather everything about the two of them to everyone. Damn it, you can rest calmly without worries, you old fart.

Let's race, who's faster? Or let's fight on the hands? Alex wants the competition to prove that even though he's a little tipsy, he's still the best. Although the next day he will be ashamed if during the fun he broke some dishes or chair, and apologize to everyone.

Shane canonically is a depressed drunk. He sits in a corner of the Saloon and drinks mostly alone. Please don't touch him, otherwise he will transform from a depressed drunk into an angry drunk. And you definitely don't want to see Shane drunk AND angry.

If the Saloon has karaoke, then Elliott will be always there after drinking mugs of strong ale or wine. Apart from his loud singing, he becomes reckless enough to spontaneously do anything. Gus or the others often help Elliott get home before the failed singer (sorry Elliott, but you write so much better than you sing) hurts himself or others. The poor guy would later lock himself up in his cabin for a couple of days when he found out about his drunken adventures.

After an extra drink, Sam suddenly becomes overly affectionate and touchy-feely. In a state of intoxication, it seems to him that he did not hug someone enough, or that he was not hugged enough. Hug him please, he's like a little puppy.

Linus doesn't drink alcohol, but sometimes in the harvest seasons in the forest he often comes across fermented fruits and berries. Linus almost always processes them carefully before eating so that he doesn't get more intoxicated during dinner, but sometimes he can occasionally eat some raw fermented grapes before bed. He perfectly understands which fruits are more fermented or less. But he treats this without fanaticism, because the main goal is to eat, not get drunk.

"What if? No, it's impossible. But what if I use that formula, and... Nah, it still won't work. But what if I... No no no. Or maybe yes? Or maybe..." The constant ebb and flow of ideas for new inventions is a typical behavior for Maru when she has a drink that is quite strong for her. This will continue until she falls asleep. It is good that her brother is nearby and help her.

Ah, for old Willy there's nothing better than a bottle of mead after a hard day of fishing. So to speak, to celebrate a successful catch. He most often drinks alone, even when in the Saloon, but can occasionally tell his fishing stories to Marlon, Gil, or Clint with a few drinks. And no matter how much he drinks, he will remain the same. Honestly, as if in the mug not alcohol, but just water!

Penny will never touch a drink, but there was a case when she accidentally drank Sam's cocktail, confusing it with her glass of juice. She immediately became sloppy drunk, embarrassed by her condition and making haste to get home. Penny doesn't understand how her mother can enjoy such a state.

Oh, the doctor knows that in small doses, wine can even be beneficial to the body. But when, by coincidence, Harvey has to drink more than his body can handle, then this is a complete blackout. He doesn't remember anything and prays that he did not do anything obscene.

Pam is an aggressive drunk. This is even more noticeable when her order for another beer is delayed by more than five minutes. Mostly this is a verbal skirmish, Pam will not show physical aggression (unless it concerns her daughter. For her sake, she will grab anyone by the throat, and she does not need alcohol for this).

Usually Wizard is always strict about alcohol, but there are times when you just want to get drunk. Given that he always drinks alone, he is most often sad drunk, remembering the old days when he and his ex were still together. If anyone (Farmer) wants to console him, then let them mentally prepare for an hour-long story about his ex-wife, youth, and that "the grass used to be greener."

Marlon will also remember the old days with a glass of whiskey along with Gil, but unlike the same Wizard, Marlon's stories are more filled with fun and excitement. Usually he is strict and silent, but when a little drunk, he opens up a little more, with his comrade remembering their adventures when the young guys just embarked on the path of an adventurer. These old people deserve some rest and fun.

Pierre considers a couple of strong cocktails a well-deserved reward after a hard week at work. The alcohol in his blood makes him more talkative, but now his tongue is tangled up so that you no longer understand whether Pierre asked to repeat the order, or somehow insulted you.

The last cocktail was obviously superfluous, but Haley didn't care. She wants to have fun, and why is the music so quiet, and let's all dance, and she already changed her mind don't touch her, and anyway where is her other cocktail? Cheerful, energetic, but at the same time more capricious - this is how it goes.

Kent has been very wary of drinking since he returned to Stardew Valley. After all he's been through, it's very easy to drown at the bottom of the bottle, and he doesn't want to get to that point. He still has his family. So he asks Gus, Marlon or Willy to stop him if he gets depressed drunk after a mug of beer or two.

Ah, the tango began to play in the music machine! Robin will not miss the opportunity to dance with her husband to passionate music. She usually asks her husband, but after a few sips of ale, Robin pulled Demetrius off the table and onto the dance floor with almost one tug.

The same Demetrius, after drinking, was very sleepy, but the whole life flashed before the eyes of the poor scientist, when his dearest wife grabbed his hand and he heard the words "tango". Demetrius loves Robin and will not refuse her a dance, but still, a strong drink affected the scientist's vestibular apparatus, and he dances no better than a rag doll. But it looks funny Maru and Sebastian will definitely film this on camera as compromising evidence for the future.

Clint has a fairly high tolerance for alcohol, so he probably drinks almost every day. Even in the cinema, he manages to smuggle alcohol under the guise of Joja Cola. So you can call him secret drunk: no matter how much he drinks, he does not look drunk. Just like Willy.

[blu3-j]

Welcome...Home..?

Overworked! GN! Reader x Welcome Home Crew

Chapter 3

Tw: Break down (Reader experiences a small break down), overall a bit of crying

Hoo, boy! This one's a long one! Strap in everybody!

So, as we left off, reader gets introduced to their...interesting situation, but doesn't have much time to process it before having to head in to work. What happens when the reader actually has a moment to process it? But the reader's not the only one in the story! The entire crew is here! So, how are they dealing with this stressful new situation?

Chapter 1 l Chapter 2 l Chapter 3 l Chapter 4

The day had gone by busy as usual. The restaurant was so busy that you were barely able to squeeze in a break. Just a small part of your shift, 2 buses had stopped by within the first few hours of you clocking in. Why, in all the world's name, did people decide to take a bus to a restaurant this early in the morning??? While one of your managers was kind enough, the other never bothered to care about anything more than their basic job, deciding to stay in the back office and never leaving unless a customer requested to see them. Any coworkers that had any sort of complaint or wanted to take a break were directed to the other manager. Thank god the nice manager was on today. It was torture when it was just the lousy one.

As for your classes, you only had one today. When you first scheduled your classes, you made note to keep them simple as they could easily pile up. What you didn't take into account was how busy work would be, and the class itself was labor intensive and required you to talk to so many people. You scheduled this class to be on its own for a reason, but it still dragged you down six feet under for energy.

The day felt as though it was never going to end. Little did you know, a little surprise waited for you when you finally found time to eat your packed lunch. A little note sat on the top of the simple meal, folded neatly with a caterpillar doodle drawn on the top fold.

"Y/N, it's wonderful to get to meet you! I knew you were a hard worker when I saw how peaceful you were sleeping this morning. According to your calendar, you're even busier than me! I noticed how dirty the house was, so I cleaned up a little. I hope you don't mind! You seemed so exhausted, and it's the least I can do to help make your already busy life easier. I hope you have a great day, shrimp! Make your day worth it to you! We're so proud of you, already! Signed, Howdy P."

It was small, but his written words made your day a little bit brighter. You almost found yourself smiling. The paper crinkled as you folded it up gently and put it in your pocket.

By the end of the day, you were once again exhausted---more than that, actually. It wasn't uncommon for you to be barely walking from exhaustion at the end of the day, and as much as you so dearly wanted to go home, the moment you sat down in the driver seat of your car you hesitated to turn the ignition key. The puppets were still there. Waiting for you. While you didn't think they would hurt you, your stomach twisted and churned at the idea of having to face that entire problem that you've been running from all day.

So you didn't.

Rather, you drove to the nearby library. By now the sun was already setting, and a little voice in the back of your mind urged you to go home. "Maybe you'll have some free time to do what you want," it whispered. "Maybe you'll have time to play some video games or go on a walk down that old path you used to love so much." But you didn't listen.

The bell above the door rang as you walked in. Unlike most libraries, it had a small cafe cove in the corner for those like you: completely exhausted and in college. It wasn't too far from the college you attended---just a block or two away---it was maybe a 5--10 minute walk at most from the college's main entrance to there. But you were tired enough as is, and walking was something you could barely do at the moment, so your car rested in its small parking lot. As you trudged through the entrance, the cove caught your attention. "Maybe a little bit of caffeine will do me some good."

Due to the lax nature of the building, there weren't many people that crowded the cove, so it didn't take nearly as long to get your coffee/tea as some places in town did. Not that you would know. This cove was the only coffee place you really ever went to for any sort of coffee or tea. Or at least for fresh and ready-to-drink on the go.

The cup warmed your hands as you held it gently to yourself and slowly trudged to a nearby table in the library. "Maybe I could take this chance to finally read that book I've been hearing so many things about." It was decided, then. You dropped your bag on the floor---a bit harder than you meant to---and set your caffeine salvation down to look for the book. When you finally found it, it had been buried in between the various other books; dusty and barely opened. A librarian friend of yours had once recommended it to you months ago, and now you finally set aside the time to read it.

"The Fall of it All" By Robin Feather

You found yourself quickly enthralled by the book. The story was of a servant named Eline serving princess and future queen Cassandra. The young eccentric princess quickly became close to Eline, and very soon began to allude to more secrets within the castle and its royal government. Upon the discovery of each hidden secret, Eline finds themselves further and further trapped in the middle of it all. Eline never once says a thing in the book; rather allowing the other characters and setting to tell the story around them. It brought a surprisingly well twist to the normal story-telling format. By the time you had ripped your attention from the book it was completely dark outside. That little voice in the back of your mind taunted you. "You can't keep running forever."

You sighed, and put a hastily made bookmark in between the pages. Maybe this would be nice to read at home. "And maybe reading it won't bring its characters to real life so they can live in my house." You chuckled at the thought. How ironic the situation you found yourself in was.

Thud.

You threw your empty cup in the trash bin. You had to rummage through your bag, but at the very bottom hid your library card. You wish you had more free time to come here more often like you originally planned, but you didn't have time for much of anything, anymore. The librarian quickly rang it up for you to borrow, and handed the pristine book back to you. With a final heave, you hoisted your bag on your shoulders.

"I can't keep running forever," you mumbled to yourself. It was completely dark out, with the only light being the occasional street lamp and the light from inside the library peeking out its windows. The cover on the book looked appealing, illuminated by the light's warm glow. If only you could just run away and forget it all.

But even Eline had to face their problems.

"I guess I can face mine, too."

The car ride home was quiet, with the radio softly playing whatever was deemed popular enough to bring in listeners. It was peaceful. Too peaceful. Like the calm before the storm. Your heart sank at the thought of facing those puppets again. They act so real...so..alive. Car headlights blinded you again and again as they passed you by, until eventually they were rarely seen on the road at all. Not many ever came up this far. Buildings turned to empty plains and then to forest as the world blurred by. You turned onto an all too familiar dirt road. Every gravel piece that your tires rolled over felt like another nail in the coffin. Another second closer to a dreadful climax.

The house was dark when you finally rolled in your car and parked. Were they asleep? Do they even sleep? Your heavy shoulders relaxed a little upon the thought. Maybe you won't have to face them, afterall. A gentle tired smile graced your face, and with a final sigh, you pulled out your keys and they jingled as you inserted one in the keyhole.

Click!

It was dark and quiet inside. It almost made you want to believe that what had happened this morning hadn't happened at all. Almost. You couldn't see far into the house, but from what you did see, your bookshelf in the hallway had been organized alphabetically, and the dust and webs had been wiped from the tables and nooks. Why is it so quiet? Finally, you closed the door behind you, engulfing you entirely in an inky black.

"SURPRISE!!!" A chorus of voices overwhelmed you, and the lights were turned on. After you recovered from the scare, you noticed how much more...lively the house was. Home-made banners and streamers adorned the ceiling, and colorful balloons and confetti were spread across the floor. One banner in particular read "WELCOME HOME, Y/N!!!"  It was so colorful. The lights were so warm. And in the middle of it all stood the ones responsible for it. The cast of colorful puppets you had gotten to somewhat know this morning.

"I...uh..." You stammered, wide-eyed at the scene. How do you react to this? Most of them stayed silent and stared at you with expectant eyes. All for one, however. Julie.

"Y/N, you're finally back! Oh my gosh, we were waiting sooooo long! But you're back now! Wally, Howdy, and Barnaby said how scary this all must be for you like how we're all kinda scared right now, so I thought we could throw a surprise party for you! Oh, we have so much planned!" She dashed to your side and tugged on your shirt, beckoning for you to come forward. She pointed to each puppet as she rambled. "Sally has a short play, Barnaby has a comedy act, Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and me made cookies and cake, and Eddie and Wally made the decorations and some of the games!" A single utterance was made from Frank as she talked, correcting her grammar.

"Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and I. Not me, Julie." Julie paid Frank no mind, too enveloped in her excitement to notice him talk.

It all felt like too much. Too much all at once. Your body took a mind of its own as you excused yourself to the bathroom. When you had dipped out of sight into the hallway, you instead found yourself locking yourself in your bedroom. Before you had even curled yourself up on the floor in front of the door, you heard a voice.

"Y/N?" Wally. He always seemed to know when you were distressed. How? He softly knocked on the door. You didn't have the energy right now. You didn't have the bravery right now. "Please talk to me, Y/N." The room went silent as he paused. You refused to move. "Y/N," He continued. "I know this is scary. I'm scared, too. Please, let me in so we can talk. Or maybe just a hug?" Your face felt hot again. And your chest ached. You buried your face in your knees, feeling them slowly begin to grow warm and wet. Wally's voice turned gentle as he leaned into the door. "It's okay, Y/N. I'm right here." A quiet moment rolled by, then the doorknob turned. But it stopped halfway. You had locked it. Staring at the doorknob, you finally meekly unlocked it before shying away from the doorway and hid your face.

Light poured into the dark room as Wally opened the door. "Wally, is Y/N okay?" Julie called out. Hushed voices filled the hallway and into the bedroom from the living room. Wally stared at you for a moment longer before turning back to the hallway.

"I'm going to talk to Y/N for a bit, okay? Everything's going to be okay." He smiled as Julie mumbled an "okay" and he quietly closed the door. The room was engulfed in darkness once more. "Y/N," the small yellow puppet walked forward and crouched down in an attempt to see your down-turned face. "Oh, Y/N. Dearest Y/N." His felt hand reached up to brush the hair out of your face. "Can you talk to me?" You remained silent, barely glancing at his face before looking away. That's when you felt him push your legs away from your torso and crawl into your lap. You gasped and looked at him, but by the time you saw his face, it was buried in your chest, his arms lay limp at his sides. What was he doing? His monotone robotic laughter echoed through the room. "I don't know how to hug." His eyes looked up into yours as his smile widened and his would-be eyebrows furrowed. "Could you show me?" The ache in your chest was too painful. Too much.

And you broke. You don't know how long it was when you finally stopped crying and loosened your hold on him. You don't know how long it was when he finally spoke up after your quiet restrained sobs stopped. "It's okay. I'm right here." He brushed the tears from your cheeks. He didn't like that his hands were getting wet and your tears would soak deep into his felt and stuffing inside, but he could make a small exception for you. You needed the comfort, and as somebody that you're going to be forced to live with until they can go back to Home, it's the least he could do. You were just as scared as he was. So, for now, he could be the braver one.

You looked into his eyes. Despite them being fake, they felt so comforting to look at. The dark black pools that sucked away the light that shined on them felt familiar. You had seen those same dark eyes in many of your stuffed plushies growing up. You had seen those same dark eyes in the teddy bear your great grandmother gave you when you were little. You hugged Wally close one last time, being more careful to not accidentally hurt the little puppet. "Do they even get hurt?" You brushed the thought to the side. Things are going to be okay. So you took in one last long breath, and wiped your eyes. A smile fell on your face as you looked back down to him. His eyes feel so alive. He is alive. He's just like you. You gently pulled him off your lap and stood up and reached for the door. The doorknob felt so cold. The hushed voices continued on the other side of the door. Your stomach churned again.

"It's okay." Wally watched you carefully. His small hand grasped yours and he squeezed. His favorite thing to do, it seemed. "I'm right here with you. You don't have to be scared."

So you took that final leap, and opened the door. Eyes were instantly on the two of you the moment light seeped into the room. Julie was on the couch with Eddie, the short puppet with a star/sun shaped head, and the large blue dog you hadn’t met yet attempting to comfort her. Frank was busy reading another book, but occasionally glancing at Julie, his furrowed brows raising and his frown twitching down a smidge every time he did. Poppy and Howdy were talking to one another closely a bit away from everyone else. Everyone looked to you. Things were quiet. The air was heavy.

Then Julie hopped up from her spot on the couch and ran over. "Y/N!!" She hugged your legs and buried her face. "I'm so so sorry!! I thought if we did a party, everything would be okay and everyone would be happy but you weren't and you ran away and we were all so worried for you and I'M SO SORRY!" She wailed into the side of your pants as she gripped you tighter, apologizing over and over and over. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came. So you bent down to her level instead and hugged her close. She really was worried. You found yourself glancing at the others. All of them were.

When Julie's rambling seemed to continue (how in all goodness was she not out of breath yet?) you took it as a sign to interrupt her.

"It's okay, Julie. You're right. I'm scared, too. I was so overwhelmed when I came back that I wanted to run away again. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I don't even know how you all can even exist here!" You chuckled as you pulled away to look her in the face. Your voice was shaky and quiet, but she could hear you. And she did. Her eyes sparkled. Just as always. Your vision began to go blurry again, and your face felt hot. "I've been trying to avoid you guys all day! When I got done with work and school, I went to the library instead. I was too scared. But I had to come home. I had to face everything. I had to face you guys, and I was too scared to go through with it." You wiped your eyes. Everything was crushing in on you again. Julie touched your arm. You're not alone. She's here. Wally's here. Everyone's here. "But I'm going to be brave now."

Her smile grew, and her eyes sparkled more. How is that even possible? Her arms quickly wrapped around you. Everything felt lighter now. The tension was still there, but things weren't caving in on you anymore. "This is going to take a long while to get used to."

Julie spoke up, her voice barely a whisper. "Then I'll be brave with you."

The rest of the night blurred by. You finally were able to be formally introduced to the final three you hadn’t met this morning. The blue dog is Barnaby, a jokester who loves to make people laugh and have a good time himself. The tall green one with multiple limbs is Howdy, a bodega shop owner that’s named his place the “Bugdega.” And lastly, the little yellow star being indeed a star puppet named Sally. All she wanted to do was be a metaphorical star.

The baked goods that Howdy, Poppy, Frank, and Julie made were...sweeter than anything you had really ever had, and each was decorated in colorful frosting (even the things that didn't need frosting). Barnaby did his best act with the props he could find in your house, and while he got everyone else to laugh, you didn't. So, he made it his mission to get you to laugh. The rest of the night, he made various jokes and acts, and eventually he heard it. A giggle. A laugh. Finally, you were doubled over in laughter, wiping tears from your eyes as he laughed with you. A few games were played while the others tried to keep Julie from making any of them too complicated, complaining that they didn't understand any of it. Mistakes were made, rules were broken, laughter was shared, and people (specifically Eddie) tripped and stumbled throughout the entirety of it.

Finally, the lights were turned way down low as you all grouped on the couch. Eddie had taken the job of directing the lights with a special hand-made spotlight, and Julie and Wally worked to keep the special effects going. As Sally acted her play, confetti acting as flower petals were thrown, backgrounds were occasionally changed during Sally's monologues, and they occasionally acted as extras in the background. You never got to see how it ended. Sally was in another one of her monologues when you found your eyelids getting heavy and the person next to you being extremely comfy.

A soft blanket wrapped around you as with two arms. Sally's voice faded further and further away as you leaned into the person. And with one last quiet sigh, you let the sweet appeal of sleep consume you.

[whatdoidosatoru]

First Date (Keisuke Baji x OC) chapter 1

PART 1 of The Only Exception

experimental emo!baji fic (Baji x OC that's just reader but with a name because i'd rather shoot myself than write y/n)

part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - ao3

Both, Baji and OC are into alternative music and I've tried to not describe OC physically so she can be anyone :)

pairing: Keisuke Baji x reader

word count: 7.2k

18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

I don't know how to tag but here goes nothing: oral sex (both receiving), fingering, slight dirty talk, face-fucking, penetrative sex, bathroom sex, slight asshole!baji, fem!reader

The met at a night club and turn it into a whole thing, songs to go with the story:

𝆕 Playlist

18 - Anarbor

First Date - blink-182

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

The River - Good Charlotte

Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard

Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon

DONTTRUSTME - 3OH!3

Cherrypie - Warrant

Rebel Love song - Black Veil Brides

The day of the event finally came. I’d been looking forward to Emo Nite for almost a month now, ever since my best friend called me screaming that the new date had been announced. You’d think being in university with the event manager would help stifle the excitement over it since we could get any information about it whenever we wanted, but it’d been months since the two of us had gone out anywhere. It was the only thing on my mind as I dragged myself through my lectures, 3 pm could not have come any sooner. Finally, as the last lecture of the day came to an end, I started packing up my notes, trying to figure out what I was going to wear. 

My apartment was a short walk away from the university, the club, and our favourite gym, therefore this entire day was made that much easier as I didn’t have to depend on public transportation to get anywhere. 

Just as I opened the front door to my place that I shared with my best friend and roommate, I was attacked by my favourite playlist blasting from her room, the playlist I had made for her to get in the zone for these kinds of parties, all consisting of the music I had got moaned at for listening to in my teens. It very obviously was not a phase, mom. 

“You should put on 3OH!3” I let myself into her room.

“I don’t know what that means!!” She was frantically going through her wardrobe looking for something to wear.

“Give me the phone, trust me,” I said with a wink.

I clicked on the song and noticed some of my own clothes strewn over her bed, evidence that both of us currently had the same issue to decide on. I loved showing her the music I u̶s̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ listen to as she never got to experience peak emo and scene culture in the town where she grew up. 

“What the fuck kind of line is ‘I’m a vegetarian and I ain’t fucking scared of him’”

“Mai, don’t question peak songwriting. It’s iconic.” 

She rolled her eyes, but I knew she was enjoying it. 

It was my turn to cook so I got to work preparing food for both of us before a well-deserved rest. Since I’d never been good at estimating the amount of rice needed for two people, there was now a full pot of leftovers that I promptly put away while cleaning up. 

The music blasting from Mai’s room was making me dance around the kitchen and postponing the tiredness I’d felt ever since opening my eyes in the morning. To take advantage of that burst of energy, I cleaned up all surfaces in the kitchen and dining room, giving Mai a break from her turn for cleaning that day, and moved on to the bathroom, where I made sure everything looked decent enough not to put me into a slump when we wake up the next day. Satisfied with the work, it was time to take a short nap before going to the gym. 

“Maybe this was a mistake, maybe we were too ambitious to plan to go out after the gym.” My friend complained on the way home.

“Well, maybe you should’ve done a low-intensity set like me like I told you! Because I’m feeling great!”

“I’m too old for this shit.”

“You’re 22! I dread to think how you’ll feel when you’re 80.”

She just stuck her tongue out at me in response. 

Both of us felt rejuvenated after a shower and it was high time to start getting dressed and doing our makeup. The playlist was back on and so was the random singing and shouting. I decided on a black blink-182 top, black jeans that are so ripped that I put fishnets on underneath, and an oversized denim jacket over the top.

The guitar pick necklace matched the t-shirt and all that was left was to put a fuck ton of eyeliner on. I went into Mai’s room to check on her and, damn, she looked incredible. She’d fit right in with her shorts, completely ripped black tights, Linkin Park t-shirt, and a plaid shirt wrapped tightly around her waist. I wolf-whistled.

“Not sure I can let you out like that, Mai.”

“Is something wrong with it? Is it too much? Oh no it’s too much isn’t it…”

“Hell no I’m just thinking of the best way to swat people away when they start swarming you.”

She smirked at the comment “You look just like you did in your old photos…just with better hair.”

“Please don’t remind me, I can still smell the hair spray.”

We sat on the floor and started doing our makeup, occasionally changing songs on her speakers and cracking stupid jokes. When we were done it was around 10 pm and Mai insisted on taking photos before leaving. My eyeliner sort of matched her plaid shirt, big black wings with red lines underneath, on my inner corners, and slicing through my eyebrows. On the lips, I opted for black-red ombre lipstick hoping it doesn’t transfer onto my cup of whatever I chose to drink. 

The walk to the club was pleasant as it wasn’t too cold or too hot. With those last breaths of fresh air of the night, we walked in and found our names on the list to be let inside. The space wasn’t very big, but it had only a few open windows so I felt sweat dripping down my back almost as soon as we got to the dance floor. Waving at the DJ and the event manager, we made our way to the bar. Mai started flirting with the bartender and I really had to respect the swiftness with which she got her first free drink of the night.

I grabbed my extortionately priced can of Red Bull and a straw and headed to the floor. There was quite a big crowd of people on one end of the room so we danced our way to the other side. The big reason why I loved going out with Mai is that she left all her shyness at home and sang from the top of her lungs even if her words were wrong. I, on the other hand, had to be broken out of my shell every time. 

After a while, having gotten comfortable with a big crowd of people all around us, I started noticing familiar faces walking in. Some of Mai’s friends from one of her lectures were there and we very quickly joined them in carving out some space for our group on the dancefloor. I could feel the makeup melting and everyone was getting water to freshen up so I decided to venture out to find the nearest toilet. Mai followed me out and kept singing as we walked past a group of guys, one of whom nearly knocked me into the wall.

“Watch it, assholes!” She shouted after them as I was regaining balance.

There was broken glass stuck in the soles of my vans and I could feel it scrape the floor as I walked on. 

“I swear some people don’t understand the concept of personal space, are you okay?” her worrying was adorable.

“Yeah, I just have to pick out the glass from my soles now. He didn’t even apologise, did he?”

“Nah, that’s okay I’ll find him back inside and feed him my fist though, don’t you worry.” I laughed as she pretended to punch the hand dryer. We tried to dab some sweat off of our faces with toilet paper but soon gave up as it would probably build up as soon as we stepped back into the room. Heading back, my favourite song came on and I had to sprint to get back to our group and share my excitement with others. 

“I really fucking love this song!” I shouted into someone’s ear, only to realise it was not one of my people, but the very asshole that pushed me in the hallway minutes before, along with his friends. He looked me up and down and, smirking like I was a child expressing their enjoyment of an animated film, chuckled “Good for you”.

I turned to find Mai, but she had already seen the interaction and followed what happened with raised eyebrows. 

“Was that…”

“Someone that still needs to get punched for being a dick? Yeah that’s the guy.”

“Mai, he’s hot. Why didn’t you tell me he was this hot! I would’ve pushed myself to save him the trouble of doing it himself if he needed me to!”

“I can’t hear half the words you just said and I don’t think I want to. You’re too sexually frustrated for your own good.”

Still I couldn’t stop picturing his face as he looked me up and down. Did he like what he saw? Did he find me cringe? Did he realise I was the person he pushed? I could’ve sworn I caught a glimpse of adorable fangs in his mouth, was he one of those weirdos that wore fake fangs to emo events?

Mai dragged me to the bar to get another drink, but I kept scanning the room to find the asshole vampire guy. With a new can in hand, I went towards the DJ to talk to the event manager. She was a really cool girl I had met waiting for our professor to start the lecture because both of us wore the same band t-shirt. Ever since she started organising these parties, Mai and I have been on the list and stayed until the very end of the party. 

“What’s wrong? You never not sing along to Ocean Avenue,” Hana waved in front of my face. Mai chuckled and told her I was just too horny to function. 

“Who’s the target tonight?” Hana asked with a massive grin.

“That long-haired asshole next to the bar,” Mai pointed towards him and his group of friends, all of them with drinks in their hands and not really dancing or looking like they were there for the music.

They kept talking while I made my way back out of the room to get some air and space to think. When someone stood next to where I was crouching, I assumed it was Mai trying to get me back inside.

“Sorry about pushing you earlier,” a voice that definitely wasn’t Mai’s said.

I looked up and was greeted by a pair of bronze eyes and a serious face framed by long black hair. Leaning on the wall with hands in his pockets, it was Asshole Vampire from before. The one I couldn’t stop looking for in the crowd, now he stood next to me where I could hear him better. I quickly stood up and swayed a little from getting up too fast. 

“I didn’t think you even noticed someone falling and stepping on glass because of you.” My voice was vibrating from screaming along with the music earlier.

“I know it’s not really an excuse, but I tried to get back as soon as possible to hear the song that was playing. I love Black Veil Brides.” He chuckled and looked down.

I looked him over, he was wearing a white button-up shirt that was slightly unbuttoned, black jeans, and black Converse. His hair was long and shiny, falling forward nonchalantly. 

“I will say that just might be a good enough reason, I’ll try to call off the hit I put on you.” I tried sounding casual despite the fact that he was standing so close to me I could feel the warmth of his body.

“That would be great, thanks. You have a good music taste, apparently. Good Charlotte is one of my favourite bands.”

I looked at him and blushed, that meant he definitely knew it was me shouting in his ear earlier.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I thought you were someone I knew.”

He looked amused, “I’m Keisuke. Now I’m also someone you know.”

I shook his hand, trying to secretly admire his beautiful long fingers. “Yuna. I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

“I’ve never managed to get my friends to come with me before, and I’m not the type to go out to clubs by myself.”

“Well, I hope you get them to come next time as well, I’ve been to every Emo Nite and they’re always amazing. I’m friends with the event manager as well.” Wow shut up, I thought to myself, who gives a shit. 

“They’re not really into the same music, that’s why we’re just standing there like statues. Just observing. Like a bunch of creeps.”

That made me shiver a bit. Was I actually holding a conversation with this guy? If only Mai could see me now…she’d probably run over to punch Keisuke in the face. 

“I get it, luckily, my friend is discovering this music now and likes it, I’ve been into it since I was probably 10.”

“Ahhh, the right age to sing about all the greatest pains in life, back before you even knew what the real world was.” He stared ahead like he knew that pain now.

“Yeah, but it’s been 12 years since then, and it’s still my day-to-day music.”

“You’re 22 then?” He looked back at me, “Are you from around here? We could’ve been in the same year..”

“I moved here for university.” Okay great, he was my age and he had the same music taste. I couldn’t help but wonder what his lips would taste like…

“You know I can see you staring at my lips, right?” He grinned, obviously very pleased with himself having caught me staring.

“Hm? Oh…yeah. You’re insanely gorgeous, sorry,” I cringed at myself. What the fuck is wrong with me? May as well go get Mai and head home, there is no way I could enjoy my night after this. A soft chuckle escaped his mouth “Likewise, I didn’t get a very good look at you inside, but now that I can see you properly, I’m really glad I came out to check on you.”

Wait, what? “Check on me?”

“It seemed like you were unwell, and when you headed out I wanted to make sure you didn’t collapse or something,” he shrugged. My heart started pounding, he was looking at me inside? He worried about me? He wanted to help me? Woah. 

“That’s very kind, coming from the guy who almost flattened me with the wall.”

He threw his head back and laughed, “Are you going to hold that against me forever?”

“Maybe,” I smiled at him, “unless you make it up to me.”

He turned to face me completely.

“Well, how about we head back inside to enjoy some music together, and you think of a way for me to me it up to you?”

I took in his gorgeous jawline and the canines peeking through his lips.

“Lead the way, Keisuke.”

We went back inside, I immediately started scanning the crowd for Mai or Hana. They waved me over to them and I grabbed Keisuke’s hand to lead him to them. Mai’s eyes went wide and I knew we were going to have to talk about this later.

“Keisuke, this is Mai, my best friend, and that’s Hana, she organised this event,” I shouted into his ear, inhaling the scent of his hair.

Mai looked him up and down and Hana shook his hand. I was pleading with Mai with my eyes not to beat the shit out of him right then and there, signalling that I didn’t want him dead.

“I’m going to stay over at Hana’s tonight, if that’s okay with you, Yuna.” Hana turned to her with questions in her eyes, but Mai pinched her arm and smiled at her. 

Was she trying to give me some kind of a signal? Keisuke looked between us, all I could do was just nod and go dance. It seemed too convenient that the next song that was playing was a slow one. Keisuke grabbed my hand, “I assume you want to dance to blink-182,” he nodded at my t-shirt and necklace. 

I couldn’t believe it. We’d been dancing for several songs now, surprisingly, he’s actually got rhythm. Mai decided to stay with Hana and not come back for me, which normally never happens. It was always the two of us against everyone in the room. Maybe she saw the tension between Keisuke and me - wait…was there tension between Keisuke and me? He was looking down at me and smiling most of the time, save for when he was belting out to the music. Especially when both of us were singing the wrong lyrics to Fall Out Boy. After a while, he dragged me to the hallway to speak to me.

“Do you want to get out of here?” He looked at me intensely. It took me a few seconds to catch on.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Do you live nearby?”

This wasn’t weird, right? To the rational part of my brain, it sounded like a bad idea, but I’d been imagining what his lips would feel like on my neck for a good part of the night. 

“Yeah, walking distance,” As soon as I said that he leaned down and caught my lips with his. I reached for his neck and brought him closer, deepening the kiss. His lips were soft and I could smell his shampoo as his hair fell to tickle my face. There was a low vibration in the back of his throat. When he broke the kiss he looked into my eyes like he was trying to read them. I could get lost just staring at his face. He smiled and took my hand, “Lead the way, Yuna.”

I fumbled around my pockets trying to text Mai while he let his friends know he wasn’t going home with them. It seemed like a fortunate coincidence that Mai was staying over at Hana’s tonight.

Yunaaaaasty, 01:28

i’m going home with vampire guy, am i making the biggest mistake of my life?

Mai Darling, 01:29

thought so :) why did you think i made Hana let me stay over?

Yunaaaaasty, 01:29

you’re a mastermind and i owe you for this

Mai Darling, 01:30

oh yes you do but honestly it’s not as fun singing i’m not okay without you <3333

just let me know if you’re dead or alive in the morning so i can alert the police kbye have fun ;)

I looked up as Keisuke reached for my hand, his grip was so warm it immediately made my heart jump. I could feel warmth pooling in my stomach in anticipation of what might happen in just a few short minutes. Keisuke kept asking me questions about my life on our way there, though I wasn’t exactly sure why he was so curious if this was to be only a one-time thing. Maybe he was trying to determine if I was a psycho killer of some sort…or maybe he was? Oh well, he was so gorgeous I wouldn’t mind dying if it meant having some fun with him beforehand. 

We walked up the stairs and he started kissing behind my ear. My skin felt tight in anticipation of his touch and I felt myself shiver as his kisses trailed down to my neck.

“You’re distracting me, I’m trying to get us inside at least,” I chuckled at him.

“How long does it normally take you to unlock your front door?”

“Hey it’s difficult finding the key in this mess of keychains, now I have you making me thinking about uhhh…other things as well.”

He moved to my lips and nipped at my bottom lip. “Oh and what is it that I’m making you think about?” There is no way I was saying that out loud outside my apartment, so I just pushed the door open and dragged him inside after me.

~

I started taking my denim jacket off all the while not breaking the kiss and leading him to my bedroom. I shut the door and clumsily shook off my Vans, starting to unbutton his shirt. He looked at me with hungry eyes, his hands travelling along my hips and up to my breasts. Luckily, the fairy lights around my bed frame were left on so I could see his eyes as he was drinking in the lust in my eyes. When he shrugged off his shirt, he started unbuttoning my jeans and pushed me toward my desk, still messy with my coursework and at least four dictionaries and other heavy tomes. I broke the kiss to put the books away when he chuckled, “Damn, I was kind of hoping to knock it over in the heat of the moment and eat you out on top of the desk,” As hot as that would’ve been, this was the product of a month of research and hard work and it deserved to be put away safely.

“If I hadn’t spent all my sanity working on this paper I would say yes.”

“Can I still eat you out at least?” I felt my knees threatening to give out, why was his saying that so damn hot? 

“Please,” I moaned into his mouth and started to peel my fishnets off when he grabbed my hands to stop me.

“Keep them on,” his breathy voice rolled into my ear, “but how attached are you to those panties?”

This confused me, but he already grabbed the fabric of my underwear and started ripping them on the side and casting them away. He lifted me up and put me on top of my desk, now trailing his mouth down my torso to where my panties were a few seconds ago. His large hands ripped the crotch of my tights and started putting his hair up into a ponytail. I hadn’t noticed the hair tie that had been around his wrist until he took it off and held it with his teeth.

My head spun when he lowered his lips to my heat and started to lick long strokes between the folds. Leaning back on my hands, I let out a breathy moan that made him chuckle into me and start sucking on my clit.

“Oh my..Keisuke yes,” I couldn’t keep it in anymore, his tongue swirled all around the most sensitive area and when I looked down at his face his eyes were set on me, as if he needed to make sure I was coming undone. As if my moans and hitched breaths weren’t enough of a sign, he needed to see it with his own eyes. 

My hand went to the base of his ponytail to bring him closer to me, as I did so it felt like he dug in with an even stronger intensity than before. I was nearing my peak when he inserted a finger inside me. I could feel his lips spreading into a smile when he saw my reaction like he was saving that move until the end.

“Let go, Yuna. If you cum on my tongue now I’ll let you ride me.” That was all that was needed to push me over the edge and make me shake with pleasure while his hand held me down on the desk. 

He got up and pulled my t-shirt off, slowly unbuckling my bra and adding it to the pile of clothes on the floor. Keisuke let his hair back down and started pulling my hair into a ponytail, tying it with his hair tie. I pushed him onto my bed and crawled up to his crotch, pulling his jeans down as he pushed his Converse off his feet.

When I pulled down his boxers I was met with his hard cock slapping his abdomen and, looking up into his eyes, gave the head an experimental lick. His eyelashes fluttered and he closed his eyes so I took it as a sign to continue. 

Keisuke let out the sweetest moan when I took as much of his length as I could into my mouth, one hand on his shaft, the other on the balls. With long, circular motions, my tongue slid all over his cock, licking off any drops of precum it dripped.

His balls were in my hand, softly being massaged, causing him to huff and moan softly. His hand reached for my hair and grabbed it to lead me how he wanted me. He held me in place as his hips thrust up. As his thrusts got more and more frantic, my throat had had enough, so I released his balls from my hand and grabbed the hand that was holding my ponytail signalling I needed a break.

He released me and dragged me up to his face to kiss me, but I had to get things moving to get him inside of me as soon as possible. 

Leaning over to my bedside table, I pushed aside my phone and Polaroid camera, grabbed a condom from the drawer, and turned on some music, “Alexa, play Oh My Word It’s Happening playlist.” When the first song started playing, he let out a laugh,

“Really, First Date?” 

“Hey, I want to make this night last forever, okay?”

I handed him the condom and straddled his abdomen, leaning in to kiss him deeply. Keisuke’s hair was spread over the pillow like a dark halo, framing his beautiful face, I almost forgot how to breathe. His hands were trailing along my thighs, still covered with fishnet tights, as I positioned myself above his hard cock, slowly lowering myself down, his eyes rolling back and filthy moans escaping his soft lips.

When I sunk fully onto his cock, I couldn’t help myself but let out a high-pitched moan which seemed to wake him from the bliss he was in. He grabbed my hips and helped me bounce myself on him. The thickness that spread my walls made me feel full, and each thrust scratched an impossible itch inside me. When Keisuke started grunting with each thrust I knew he was nearing his peak. I reached to rub my clit with one hand, but he swiftly knocked it aside and replaced it with his own. I threw my head back in pure pleasure and let out all the pent-up pressure from my throat as I came all over his dick, he followed soon after with an animalistic moan and stopped thrusting. 

He looked spent and let go of my hips, I needed to burn the image of him lying underneath me into the insides of my eyelids. I reached over to grab my camera,

“Do you mind if I take one of you?” I motioned with the camera. He gave me a small smile,

“Is this some kind of a psycho killer trophy you’re collecting?”I couldn’t help but laugh,

“Maybe, but I want to remember this.” He nodded with a blissful smile, so I looked through a viewfinder and pushed the button. Putting the camera aside, I got off of him and lay next to him, gently taking the condom off and launching it into the bin.

~

“I feel obligated to mention that I’ve never done this before,” He raised his eyebrow at my comment, causing me to correct myself, “I mean, I’ve never brought someone home like this, especially after just meeting them.” He was tracing shapes on my stomach, all the while staring into my eyes.

“Me neither,” he admitted, “I’m still not convinced you’re not some psycho killer taking advantage of young men, taking salacious photos of them, and then disposing of their corpses in the nearby bushes.” I just had to laugh at the notion,

“You seem to have put a lot of thought into this scenario, are you sure you’re not the murderer?” He leaned over to place a kiss on my shoulder,

“Well, I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” Looking over at him, I took in his loose hair, now messy and half-resting on my pillows.

“Honestly, after this, I think I would gladly let you kill me. I don’t remember the last time I felt this good.” When Keisuke pulled me closer to him, resting his hand on my hip, I swear I could have floated away.

After some conversation that sounded way too casual considering the way we had just made each other feel, I heard Keisuke’s stomach rumble so I offered to get him some food and dragged him out of bed and into the kitchen. He managed to put his boxers back on while I put on my pyjama top and we made way to investigate the food situation. 

“I’ve got some leftovers from today, I mean, I guess it’s technically yesterday now.” I pulled out the tub with leftover fried rice and chicken and stuck it into the microwave while he inspected the fridge door that was littered with polaroids of Mai and me, some from our work with other coworkers, some of us cuddling her cats from back home, some of our birthday and end-of-exams parties, and others of my old dance group from different competitions we attended.

“You have cats?” He seemed really interested in all individual photos.

“Ah, no, those are Mai’s parents’ cats. They live in the middle of nowhere and have a bunch of animals, unfortunately, we couldn’t get any of her pets here when we moved in,” I pointed at another photo of me with a big black labrador sitting on the beach, “That’s my dog, but he lives with my parents, as I’m too busy to take care of a dog right now.” He nodded and looked over a few more photos before stepping towards me and pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 

At that moment the microwave beeped and I went to grab the food and plate it up. We ate standing in the kitchen, neither of us feeling inclined to move away from each other. Keisuke was stuffing his face like he hadn't eaten in days,

“I think you need to slow down,” I said with a smirk.

“This is amazing, I can’t stop,” he said with his mouth full.

When he was done, he started to put the plates into the dishwasher and I offered him something to drink. With him in the kitchen, I made my way to the bathroom to wipe my makeup off, noticing the lipstick hadn’t transferred at all. Keisuke appeared behind me when I had taken off most of the makeup and started touching my ass. Luckily I didn’t put any underwear on, remembering how he ripped the pair I wore earlier. I looked at him through the mirror and smiled at his gentle caresses. He seemed entranced by my skin and started making his way towards my bare heat. Gently rubbing my sensitive lips, he elicited soft moans from my lips. Our eyes met in the mirror and he returned my smile,

“You’re so beautiful, did you know that? I loved seeing you with  the makeup, but this,” he reached for my cheek with his hand, the other one still rubbing my pussy, “is incredible.” 

He grabbed my face and kissed it, making me moan into his mouth which made him change his approach and sink a finger inside of me. He groaned when my walls sucked his finger in, adding another and hooking them to hit the most sensitive spot inside. My legs started shaking with pleasure, which seemed to amuse him enough to giggle and move to stand right behind me, spreading my legs.

“I don’t know what it is about you,” Keisuke whispered, “but you’re making me feel feral, like no amount of touching you will ever be enough,” his voice was making me wet with desire.

“Feral? We can do it like they do it on the Discovery channel then,” I invited him for another round. I opened one of the drawers under the sink and passed him a condom, causing him to chuckle,

“Very convenient.” 

“We like to be prepared,” he aligned his once again hard cock with my entrance and pushed in, throwing his head back in pleasure, my back arching to get a better angle, still holding the edges of the sink. He pushed into me until I couldn’t take any more and gasped loudly. He stopped and started pulling out and pushing back in, only up to the point I could handle. This angle made hitting the sensitive spot so much easier, it made me gasp and whine with every single one of his thrusts. His hands were squeezing my ass like it was the only thing keeping him grounded on this Earth. His cock was buried deep inside of me, hitting my most sensitive areas, pulling me apart from the inside.

I threw my head back and Keisuke took the opportunity to grab my jaw and pull me towards his face. He was grunting into my ear and kissing my neck, I was certain I wouldn’t last much longer. 

With his teeth, he scraped along my neck. With a cry, I creamed on his cock, which only seemed to make him go faster and harder. “Good girl, hold on tight,” he whispered into my ear, letting go of my jaw and instead holding the base of my ponytail as I held onto the wall in front of me for dear life. One of his hands snaked around me and found my clit, rubbing it in circular motions, sending me into another orgasm, this one louder than the last.

Never breaking pace, he chuckled and smacked my ass three times before returning both his hands on my ass, pulling me into his hips repeatedly.

“Faster Keisuke, please!” I cried out, and he obliged. Soon after that I felt another wave of pleasure threatening to swallow me whole. Just as I started crying out his name again, he moaned into my hair and finished, slowing his thrust leading us both through our orgasms. Once he stopped, our eyes locked in the mirror once more, I didn’t know if I had it in me to smile at him. His cock slid out of me and he took off the condom and threw it away, spinning me around to kiss me with all the energy he had left. I had half a mind to thank him, but I couldn’t form words anymore, I just grabbed his hand and led him back into my bedroom, cuddling into him on the bed. 

~

“Yuna?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you okay?”

Turning around to face him, I caressed his face, taking in his loose hair, soft eyes, slightly protruding canines, and soft lips. I wanted to look at him forever, there’s something arresting about his face making me incapable of looking away. 

“Why do you ask?” Was he overthinking this whole night? Is he trying to make me start kicking him out so he doesn’t have to make the first move?

“You haven’t said a word since…since we fucked in the bathroom.” His tone was that of worry. 

“I think… you may have taken every ounce of energy that I had saved for conversation,” I said with a giggle, “I came twice before that, and then three times in the bathroom. A girl needs to breathe and rest.”

His smile returned, lighting his face up, I just had to close the distance between us and kiss him softly. 

“How are you feeling?” I wondered, gently caressing his arm.

“Completely empty. I feel like all my worries and stress just,” he made a floating gesture with his hand, “disappeared.” 

“I think we both deserve some sleep, don’t you agree?”

He looked into my eyes as if to read them again, then rolled me over, pressed me into his form, and softly whispered good night.

I grabbed my phone only to be met with a few messages from Mai:

Mai Darling, 2:30

hope you’re not dead because Hana said there’s another party in 2 weeks and she’ll kill us if we don’t come

Mai Darling, 3:15

ok you’re either dead and i have to clean up the apartment of your blood or you’re still fucking and i hope to everything holy it’s the latter and i don’t have to get the blood out of the carpet

Mai Darling, 4:45

i’m gonna choose to believe you’re so fucked out you can’t even pick up your phone. get it girl. Message me when you can though

Yunaaaaasty, 5:20

alive but barely. came five times. hurts my brain to think we have work today. see you soon.

Mai Darling, 5:21

YESSSSSSSS i knew that little bastard had it in him…or more accurately he had it in you! ;)

i’m home around 9, prepare the report and i’m making us some coffee for that piping hot tea

What a weirdo. My eyelids closed to the soft sound of Keisuke’s light snores. 

~

With a start, my eyelids flew open to quickly switch off the alarm before it woke up Keisuke. With a groan, he flipped over to his back, hand reaching over to try and locate his phone. He sat up to rummage through the pile of clothes we left on the floor to fish it out of his pocket. 

“Ah, shit. I have work in a few hours,” he looked over at me and smiled, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t stay a tiny bit longer. That is, if you want me here?” His eyes were full of hope.

I pulled him towards me and caught him in a kiss, his hand started wandering underneath the sheets, grabbing my boobs, hips, thighs, pulling me closer. Every time he squeezed me a moan escaped my mouth into his, which seemed to make him more eager each time.

His hands travelled down to my pussy and started to softly spread my folds, ghosting over my clit with each move. In an attempt to get more friction, I started to roll my hips on his hand, desperately trying to unravel the bundle of tension already forming in my belly. He smirked and probed my entrance with a finger, catching the gasp coming out of my mouth with his own. 

I was already reaching back into the drawer to fish out another condom, expecting another round, when his mouth left mine to trail kisses and nibbles down my neck to my collarbone while his other hand was holding my neck. Am I getting into this? His hands are so pretty that I kind of want them around my neck for a little longer. 

“How are you so amazing at this?” I squeezed out between moans. He chuckled, “It’s a curse.”

“Then please curse me again.”

His head snapped up and we locked eyes. Grabbing the condom from my hand he got in my face, “Only because you asked me nicely, gorgeous.”

This time his thrusts were slower, towering over me, leaning on his elbows, his hair fell into my face, smelling of his shampoo and my perfume mixed together. Citrusy and sweet. I hoped the pillow he had slept on kept the scent a little bit longer. His eyes were focused on my face, following every hitched breath as he hit my sensitive spot with every move.

My insides squeezed his length with the desire to keep him inside a bit longer, the slow and lazy motions we were going through seemed very fitting with the chilly morning air coming in through the open window. As fast and rough as last night’s sex was, this morning’s sex was gentle, careful, and deliberate. My hands were firmly planted on his back, nails scratching slowly. I was soon brought to my peak again, this time it wasn’t sudden and needy, but slow and sure. 

“Keisuke I’m close,” I moaned right into his ear, which seemed to set off something in him as his pupils dilated and his movements became needier. Like he’ll drop through the ground into the centre of the Earth if he doesn’t chase our orgasms. 

“Say it again,” he squeezed out through his moans.

“Keisuke! I’m so close, keep it going please!”

“More,” his voice was desperate, his eyes were squeezed shut with concentration.

“Please I need you, Keisuke! You feel so good, you’re making me cum!”

With a cry, we finished in sync and he dropped on top of me, barely breathing just like me. He pulled out slowly and discarded the condom, pushing his hair back from his face. 

“How many times was that?” 

“This was my sixth, but it felt more intense than the ones before.”

The look on his face was that of beaming pride and bliss. “Not bad for one night,” he said with a wink, “but I’m afraid I have to get going if I want to at least shower before work.”

“Where do you work?” Considering how much we talked throughout the night, I didn’t get this important piece of information. Sure, now I knew what his life goals were, how old he was when he broke his first tooth, and how many bikes he had crashed in his childhood, but somehow his place of employment hadn’t popped up.

“Pet zone. The one next to the main square.” He raked his fingers through his hair, leaving me in awe of his lean body and toned arms. He started putting his clothes back on, so I got up to find a new pair of underwear and an oversized T-shirt. 

Now that we were both dressed, we met in the middle of the room with another deep kiss, this time he pulled me into a hug. Huh, we had fucked 3 times and I fed him, but we just hugged for the first time. I could’ve just melted in his arms, but the sound of the front door unlocking made me step away and see him to the door. 

Mai walked in with a big smile on her face and a bag of groceries.

“Good morning sleepyhead, time to start on breakfast!” She said with too much energy for both of us. 

“Actually, I have to get going or I won’t make it to work,” with a quick kiss to my lips, he started for the door.

Mai turned to him as if wondering what he was still doing there.

“Okay, great seeing you, Kazuki,” she said with a smile.

“Likewise, Mirei.”

She frowned slightly, “It’s Mai.”

He smirked, “It’s Keisuke.” He winked at me and closed the door behind him.

Mai turned to me with a grin, “I like him, he can take a joke. Right,” she clapped her hands, marching into the kitchen, “I’m making coffee, you’re getting ready to spill everything. Apart from the coffee, of course.”

With sleep still in my eyes, I made for my bedroom to put the books and papers back onto the desk and let some more air in, since the whole room smelled of sex. As I raked through my hair, I realised his hair tie was still in my hair, I wondered if he left it with me on purpose.

[roanofarcc]

PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER FORTY → FAMILY MATTERS

summary: steve harrington x oc

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count. 3.7k || masterlist

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

a/n: sad steve hours :( I don't think we'll ever get the harrington's lore so I'm creating my own.

previous chapter ← → next chapter

A constant tension hummed through the Harrington household whenever Steve’s parents were home, which wasn’t often. But, when they were, Steve tried to avoid his house as much as he could.

They had arrived home two days prior and were set to leave that morning for another business trip. Steve managed to avoid them for most of their stay; he used the excuse of work to get out of family dinners and small talk that almost always ended in some kind of argument. The tension between his mom and dad was bad enough without him entering the mix. 

The bitterness between his parents had been brewing since Steve was little. They tried to save face for a long time, but as he grew older, they dropped the act while at home. His dad was getting sloppier hiding the fact that he was sleeping with his revolving door of secretaries, or maybe he didn’t care to hide it anymore. And his mom was getting worse at pretending she didn’t know exactly what he was doing. Steve had no idea why they stayed together; it wasn’t for his sake.

If given the choice, he’d love to move somewhere with his mom and forget all about his dad. She used to be his favorite person in the entire world, but something changed in her. She became cold and poured all of her time and energy into work. Maybe she wanted to prove to her husband that, while she may be replaceable as a partner, she couldn’t be replaced in the office. Because of that, she stopped coddling Steve and nearly stopped paying attention to time altogether. They had a reputation to uphold, though, and all of them had gotten a little too good at putting on a believable act while in public. His parents didn’t want a divorce to ruin their squeaky clean image while outside their home. 

Steve sat at their kitchen island, eating a bowl of cereal before his shift at Scoop Ahoy. His parents had busied themselves packing, and he thought he’d be in the clear of them. They’d bid him goodbye as they walked out the door and that would be that. Unfortunately, luck was not on his side that morning. 

Heavy footsteps from his dad echoed from down the hall before he entered the kitchen. Out of habit, Steve sunk back in his seat, thinking maybe his dad would miss him entirely. But, as the gray-haired man poured himself a mug of coffee, he turned to look at Steve with his usual, stoic expression. 

“Your mother and I won’t be back until after the holiday,” he said. “Can you manage to keep the house in one piece until then?” Every word out of his dad’s mouth was wrapped in a patronizing tone. He thought Steve was an idiot and like he hadn’t been left home alone since he was ten years old.

“I always do,” Steve replied, suddenly not interested in his breakfast and more ready to get to work than he had been all summer. He stood up and headed to the sink. 

“You know,” his dad began, before taking a long sip of his black coffee. Steve inwardly groaned as he washed his bowl. “If you had put any effort at all into your college application, you could have joined us on this trip and gained real-world experience. I could have secured you an internship for the fall.”

It was the same lecture since he graduated at the end of spring. It was phrased slightly different each time, but it carried the same message: Steve was the family's disappointment, and he should feel bad about it. He turned out nothing like his dad, and that was an issue. Hell, in his dad’s eyes, it was the end of the world that Steve wasn’t accepted into every Ivy League school in the country, and he wasn’t the strongest candidate to work at the company that employed three generations of Harrington men. He was supposed to be the fourth and after he married some dull housewife, his son was supposed to be the fifth. But he had spent too much time “screwing around” and his dad would rather have been caught dead than bring Steve anywhere near his place of work with his less-than-average GPA and a handful of unsubmitted college applications. 

“Maybe next year,” Steve muttered, begging his dad to drop it. He avoided the daggers the man stared into the back of his head as he placed his bowl and spoon on the drying rack and moved to retreat to his car. He didn’t make it halfway across the kitchen, though, before his dad started speaking again. 

“That’s your problem. You see everything as an issue for later. You put everything off because you are too goddamn lazy to take any responsibility for yourself.”

With a quiet sigh, Steve stopped in his tracks and turned to meet the cold gaze of his dad. “I got the job you wanted me to. And I already started filling out applications for next year.” Irritation itched under his skin, and he had the urge to scratch it. “I don’t know what else you want me to do.” He knew his words were leading him into a winless fight, but his parents' lack of understanding of the hell he had been through over the last two years was eating away at him. It became harder and harder to stand his dad’s constant jabs about how “lazy” and “childish” he was. 

It wasn’t like he wasn’t trying. In his parents' eyes, he was nothing more than an irresponsible kid who had no clue what he was doing with his life. They thought he didn’t know how the real world worked, but Steve knew a hell of a lot more about the “real” world than they did. He couldn’t tell them that, though, no matter how badly he wanted to. The truth burned like acid in his throat, but he was forced to swallow it down every time he was lectured. 

His dad scoffed. “What I want is for you to think about the future of this family and of the company. You’re not a child anymore. You are an adult and it's about damn time you start acting like it.” He sat down his mug and set his jaw before he continued; Steve knew he was really into it now. “It’s time you stop running around with that Torres girl and those kids you babysit and start doing something with your life.” 

Steve wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell his dad how he had done more with his life in the past two years than what was even comprehensible. Steve fought monsters, met the smartest kids in Indiana, and helped save their shitty hometown from certain doom. That was all thanks to “that Torres girl” and the kids he “babysat.” If it weren’t for them, he probably would be starting his miserable journey down the same path as his dad. 

“Right, because your life looks like a blast,” he mumbled under his breath, but in the quiet house it was easy to hear. Steve didn’t wake up looking for a fight that morning, but he inched closer and closer to the end of his rope when it came to his dad. It was a fight he knew he’d lose, but he didn’t care. 

“Excuse me?” 

Steve swallowed down his creeping childhood fear of his dad that told him to stop and back down. He rolled his shoulders back and tried to look a little taller. “Maybe I don’t want to be miserable like you and mom. I don’t want to work for you. Have you ever thought about that?” A small surge of confidence filled his chest, and he didn’t want to waste it. “Not that you or Mom have ever cared to ask me what I want. In fact, I don’t remember the last time either one of you asked me about anything!” 

“You better lower your voice, boy,” his dad warned in a cold and low tone. He stepped toward Steve, sizing him up, before he said, “I don’t care what you want. If you had shown us that you were capable of making your own decisions, maybe we could have talked about it, but any conversation we could have had is long out of the question now. That ship sailed when you decided to waste your high school education by doing God only knows what. You don’t get the luxury of a choice, son.” The way he called Steve ‘son’ wasn’t loving but mocking. 

Steve’s jaw clenched in a mix of anger and frustration. He felt the ghost of hand cramps from all the paperwork he had to sign over the past two years to ensure that everything he saw and knew stayed buried, but at that moment, he wanted to shove it all back in his dad’s face. He wanted the man to feel bad. He wanted him to care. He wanted him to feel guilty.

“You never even asked me why I didn’t turn in my applications on time or why my grades slipped! You don’t care about anything other than our family’s reputation. Who gives a shit?!” 

That was the breaking point for both Steve and his dad. The anger and resentment tumbled from his lips and were met with instant regret. He knew where raising his voice at his dad would get him, and he didn’t bother to apologize. A small, sick part of him wanted to make his dad angry. 

With his back pressed against the counter, he watched as his dad quickly crossed the short distance between them. His hand latched onto Steve’s wrist, pulling it off of the edge of the counter before he twisted it in an unnatural fashion that caused Steve to hiss out in pain.

“I told you to lower your fucking voice,” his dad spit. “I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you or why you think you can speak to me like that, but you’ll knock it off if you know what’s good for you.”

Steve bit in tongue and stared at his dad. His eyes were darker than Steve’s and his mother’s. They resembled bitter black coffee and were almost always narrowed into thin slits, constantly in a state of anger or displeasure. The man’s face glowed red in the warm morning light, and the vein in his forehead became visible. Fingernails dug into Steve’s skin, but that pain was overshadowed by the way his wrist was bent downwards. The pain intensified by the second, and Steve found himself feeling incredibly small as if he was still a child being scolded. In his dad’s eyes, that was exactly what he was. 

“I don’t care why you screwed up,” his dad continued. He didn’t care about the monsters Steve faced or the fights he lost two years in a row. “But you will fix it. You will get your shit together or so help me God, I’ll beat the sense into you. Understand?” 

A short beat of silence stretched between them as Steve's last attempt at defiance. But then his dad twisted his wrist even harder, and pain shot up the length of Steve’s arm, forcing him to give in. “Yes,” he muttered. His dad held onto his wrist for a moment longer before the soft click of heels neared the kitchen and Steve’s mom entered. 

“We’re all ready to go,” his mom said, smoothing out the fabric of her blazer. There was never anything out of place on her. Every hair on her head was combed into place and every outfit was creaseless. “You know the rules, Steve. No guests. There’s money in the envelope on the counter for groceries, and we’ll call before our flight back home. All right?” 

Steve just nodded before his mom looked expectantly at her husband. They exchanged short goodbyes with him and wheeled their suitcases out to the car. He watched out the living room window as they pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down the road. 

Once their car was out of sight, Steve collapsed onto the couch, clutching his wrist to his chest and laughing bitterly as tears welled up in his eyes. He felt pathetic and like a child who cried every time he was scolded. It used to drive his dad crazy when he was a little boy. Steve would do something stupid, he’d get yelled at, and then he’d cry into his mom’s arms as she stroked his hair. Then, something shifted inside their home. His dad started doing more than yelling and his mom stopped running to aid. So, Steve took to different ways of taking out the emotions that raged inside his chest. It started with cigarettes and then that was paired with beers Tommy H. took from his cousin.

But he didn’t have those things anymore because the smell of cigarette smoke made Sunshine cough and Dustin wouldn’t stop rattling off the health risks. He wasn’t friends with Tommy H. and Hawkins was too small for him to buy beer illegally from the liquor store. So, Steve restored to his old ways of coping when he was little and his house began to feel colder and lonelier than normal. He sat on the couch and let a few tears roll down his cheeks as he iced his wrist, praying the bruises left behind wouldn’t be too bad until he had to leave for work. He’d spend the rest of his day pretending like he didn’t have the constant fear that he’d screw everything up like his dad wholeheartedly believed. 

...

The lamp on Sunshine’s bedside journal illuminated the pages of her journal. She sat curled up in a pile of soft blankets and pillows while she jotted down the strings of thoughts inside her head. Beside her bed, the window was cracked, allowing the summer evening breeze to fill the room with the hum of crickets and the smell of July. Her peace was interrupted by a knock at her door. 

“Come in,” she said. Her parents stood at her doorway, looking a bit uneasy which caused instant panic to spread through Sunshine. She closed her journal and tossed it onto her bedside table. “Is everything okay?” 

Her mom smiled softly. “Everything’s fine, sweetie.” She exchanged a glance with her husband before the two entered the room. “Your dad and I just want to talk to you. Is that all right?”

Sunshine nodded and made a space at the end of her bed for them to sit. “Talk about what?” 

“We want to help you,” Mary-Jane began, talking carefully like she had rehearsed what she was going to say beforehand. “But, you know, we can’t do that if you don’t talk to us.”

She was confused. All things considered, Sunshine was in a much better place than she thought she’d ever be in. There were days when nightmares ruled her brain and sadness ached deep in her bones from old wounds that never healed properly, but the monsters were defeated and almost everyone she’d ever cared for was safe and without arms reach. Things were better in Hawkins. They weren’t perfect, but they were better than she expected they’d be. 

“Help me?” 

Her mom reached out and placed a warm hand on Sunshine’s knee. She tried to fake a reassuring look, but it came off to Sunshine as more worried. That look alone caused guilt to creep up on Sunshine. 

“We want to understand what happened to you. We want you to feel like you can trust us with that information, and we want to help you through it. Whatever you’ve gone through, whatever you’re still dealing with, you know you don’t have to suffer through it alone now,” her dad said. Sunshine felt her face pale. She felt backed into a corner all of a sudden, with her parents on either side of her staring with looks of concern that became suffocating. 

Even if Sunshine was allowed to tell her parents the truth, she wouldn’t burden them with the truth. She also couldn’t bear to tell them the things she had done inside the Lab. The truth of the Lab and the Upside down were not easy things for people’s minds to comprehend. But she was also selfish; she worried that if her parents heard the full story, they wouldn’t see her as their little girl anymore and that was all Sunshine had ever wanted to be. She wanted to be cared for and doted on like a child should be. What if she told them and they gave up on her? What if they wished she had never come back at all? The last thing Sunshine wanted was to be seen as Seven, not Sunshine or Danielle. 

Swallowing thickly, Sunshine’s gaze fell onto her hands in her lap. “I know that,” she said. “But I’m okay. Really, I’m fine.”

Walter sighed, rubbing the worry lines on his forehead that Sunshine probably caused. “You don’t have to lie to us. We understand that it’s not easy for you.” 

Her mom added, “We thought if we gave you enough time, you’d come to us and talk. But we can’t keep avoiding this conversation. We want to understand what you went through so that we can help you.” 

Nothing they could do or say could “fix” Sunshine. No amount of recanting her time inside the Lab would ease her mind or reverse the strange glow she could create in her palms. There was nothing that could scrub her mind clean of the doctors, the dead kids, or the monsters she faced. It all would be a part of her forever. 

“I’m doing a lot better,” she pushed, trying to get them to stop, but they were adamant. 

“If that were true, you wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming and calling out names we don’t know. Your nightmares haven’t gone away; it’s been almost three years.” Her mom’s eyes became glossy and rose red. Sunshine didn’t want her to cry; she couldn’t handle it. The guilt squeezed her heart and skin hot as her mom continued, “If you just talk to us about them, about your nightmares at least, that’s a start. We can help you, but not if you don’t talk to us. Please, sweetheart. We just want to understand.” 

The crack in her mom’s voice and the similar glassy-eyed look on her dad's face nearly sent Sunshine over the edge. She had to lie to them. She had to in order to protect them, to protect herself, and to protect her parents from herself. 

“I promise, I’m okay. I just…I really don’t want to talk about it, okay?” Her mom hung her head, her dad sighed, and Sunshine’s stomach twisted in awful knots. 

There was a brief pause before her dad steadied himself and reeled in his emotions a little bit more than her mom. “Are you protecting someone?” he asked. “The names you say in your sleep, were there other people with you, wherever you were?” 

There were so many people, but only a few that she could still protect. There were kids, with their sad little faces pressed against windows and skinny fingers moving game pieces inside the Rainbow Room. There were doctors and scientists who poked and prodded her until her skin was bruised and brain manipulated in more ways than one.

“No,” Sunshine sighed. “They’re just nightmares. I don’t even remember what happens in them after I wake up. But if there was something wrong, I’d tell you. Right now, I just want to forget about what happened. I want to move on.” 

Mary-Jane pulled her hand away from Sunshine’s knee and sat in tense silence for a moment. She twisted the fabric of her skin in between her fingers, a nervous habit Sunshine had noticed. “If you don’t want to talk to us, maybe we could take you to speak to a professional, someone more versed in this kind of thing? I know there are good doctors in Chicago. Maybe they-” 

“No doctors,” Sunshine rushed out. “I don’t need to talk to a professional. If you guys want to help me, just treat me like a normal teenager. I want to feel normal. That’s how I’m going to move on.” 

Her mom and dad shared a look Sunshine could read before Walter nodded with slight dejection. “All right,” he said. “If that’s what you think will help, then I think we can manage that. But if things get worse, if these nightmares get worse, we’ll have to take you to see a professional, okay?” 

Sunshine fiddled with her necklace as her mom added, “We need you to understand that we only want what is best for you. And we know you want to work past what happened. We’ll work with you, sweetheart, but you’ve got to be honest with us. Keeping everyone bottled up inside is not healthy.” She wished it were that simple. She wished all she had to do was tell her parents the truth and all of her nightmares would stop. If all she had to do was tell the truth to fix herself, she would have already done it. The truth wouldn’t erase the monsters or bad men. 

Looking between her parents, Sunshine found her voice. “And I need you guys to trust me."

“And we need you to be safe. We need you to feel safe here, and safe with yourself,” her mom said. But Hawkins wasn’t safe, not really. It never had been and it probably would never fully be. But, as long as Sunshine was there, she could keep it safe for the people whom she cared about inside the town. 

“I am. I do,” said Sunshine. “I promise.” A small yawn escaped her lips, and she prayed it was enough to get her parents to give up. To her luck, it was. They stood up from her bed and took turns pressing a kiss to the crown of her head before they bid her goodnight. She sank back into her pile of pillows and muffled a groan into a blanket she pulled over her head. Before her mind could attack her with more “what-ifs” and guilt, she squeezed her eyes shut and let sleep overtake her.

Tagged. @sattlersquarry , @leptitlu , @drunkengodsofslaughter

[roseofdarknessblog]

Unnecessary Wars (Reiner Braun x Reader)

Word count: 4 515

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

TW: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks

Summary: Getting Reiner the best and most wanted birthday gift was pretty challenging. But miracles do happen, and the two of you were finally expecting your first baby while being just two weeks away from getting married. Everything seemed more than perfect. Unfortunately, Reiner′s own mother was causing the two of you many unnecessary problems, even during the happiest moments of your life.

Unnecessary Wars

„You didn′t eat much. Was there something wrong with the food? Did you not like it?“ asked Karina Braun as soon, as you walked through the kitchen door with the intention of helping her clean up after dinner.

„No, no... the food was excellent, thank you so much. I′m just not feeling my best today.“

Reiner's mom really put a lot of effort into this dinner. After all, it was her son′s birthday and she was the one who wanted to have a nice dinner with only the closest family members. Now including you as well, since you and Reiner were supposed to get married in just two weeks. You did all the planning and everything seemed perfect and ready. Now you just had to wait for the big day to arrive.

You and Reiner were beyond excited and happy. Thinking about marriage was something truly natural for both of you, you′ve always wanted to marry someone you loved and potentially start a family with that person. Buy your own house and have a few kids, since you knew Reiner wanted a big family.

That was the main reason you didn′t tell him the big news. You wanted to wait until his birthday, to tell him about your pregnancy. It was pretty hard to keep this kind of news from him for the last two weeks, but today it was finally the day. From now on, there would be no more reasons to hide your morning sickness, which usually lasted throughout the entire day, and now was also the reason you didn′t eat almost anything.

The only person, who knew about you being pregnant, was Pieck. As your best friend, it was she, who you called first – still crying and in shock, when you saw the positive pregnancy test.

„Did you think about our last conversation?“ Karina asked, tearing you away from your memories. After blinking several times, you found yourself back in her kitchen, a couple of empty plates still in your hands. „I think you′ve had enough time.“

Out of politeness, you tasted almost everything, that was served tonight. Despite not getting along with Karina Braun, you wanted to appreciate her effort with this dinner. But the unending nausea was far too strong and you didn′t want to risk getting even sicker. So you mostly just sat there, listened to everyone′s conversation, and tried to seem as if nothing was happening. Karina and her older brother were the ones who talked the most, but Reiner's little cousin Gabi simply loved to interrupt them every chance she got.

You swallowed hard and put the plates into the sink. „Actually, I didn′t really have the time to think about such things. Planning a wedding is really time and energy-consuming.“

„So my son′s future doesn't matter to you at all?“

„It does, of course. I care about him and you know that. That is why I′ll be marrying him in two weeks,“ you answered confidently but calmly, one of your hands subconsciously coming to rest on your stomach. Arguing was the last thing you wanted. Especially today and about the topic, that was addressed more than enough times.

You knew Karina never liked you and she truly wasn′t thrilled about the idea of you and Reiner getting married. It was she, Reiner′s own mother, who tried to convince you to break off the proposal. To leave her son alone even a long time before that. During the days the two of you only just started dating and Reiner brought you home for the first time. You tried your hardest to make a good impression – you were nice and polite to her in every way possible. But it seemed, that the more you tried, the more she despised you.

„I′m really not sure why you are so against me. I′ve never done anything to hurt you.“ Her quiet laugh made shivers run down your spine. It was useless. She′s never going to like or accept you. „I love your son and I only want the best for him.“

„In that case, you should finally leave him alone. Stay as far away from him as possible. And not force yourself on our family.“ You clenched your fists, trying to take a steadying breath. „You surely noticed, that nobody was thrilled by your presence tonight.“

„I′m sure you had something to do with it,“ you muttered, leaning against the kitchen counter. „You′re not going to scare me off,“ you added, looking her over. Her mean and cold personality intimidated you from the very first time the two of you met. But she didn't scare you. Not like she wanted to. „Look, you don′t have to like me. I′ll live with it, it′s fine, really. But don't try to ruin your own son′s happiness. Reiner loves me and wants to marry me. Simple as that. It′s truly not up to you, to decide this aspect of his life.“

„You′ll never be a woman worthy of my son, remember that. You will always be just a simple nobody. Getting involved with my son was the biggest mistake of your entire life, I′ll make sure you regret that day.“

You were already opening your mouth to say something, to defend yourself, when you noticed somebody standing in the doorway. Reiner was looking wide-eyed, while Gabi was standing right there beside him.

„Don't mind me, go on. I′d like to hear the rest of this conversation,“ he said in a cold tone, not even bothering to look at his mother. His eyes were on you, making sure you′re okay.

Before you reassured him with even the tiniest smile, another wave of nausea unexpectedly hit you, and made you hurry out of the kitchen. You almost knocked Gabi′s mom over, when you walked past her, hurrying into the bathroom upstairs. You made it just in time, to not throw up in the middle of the staircase.

Looking into the mirror, while you were washing your hands afterward, you could see the first few tears running down your cheeks. Everything made you so emotional these last few weeks. Even Reiner noticed but didn′t ask. He knew, that if something was troubling you and you needed to talk, you would come to him.

You felt more disgusting than ever before and could only hope, that your entire pregnancy is not going to look like this. You could hardly make it to work every day, not to mention all sorts of everyday tasks which needed to be done, combined with the wedding planning.

A loud knock on the door startled you. „Are you okay, honey?“ Reiner asked, waiting for your answer.

„Sure, I′m fine,“ you said, trying to wipe away your tears. But it only made everything worse, as you forgot about your makeup, and smudged mascara and black eyeliner all over.

„May I come in?“

With a feeling of panic quickly growing in your chest, you wanted to lock the door to keep him out. But Reiner was quicker and entered the small bathroom without your consent. You blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears from coming, as you turned your head away.

„Can you leave me alone, please? I just... need a moment,“ you stuttered, turning your back to him and facing the sink again. All you needed to do, was concentrate on your breathing. Everything was fine, nothing was happening. Nothing you didn't experience before. „Go talk to your mother,“ you added a little too cold and harshly.

It only took a moment, until Reiner came closer and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him until your back was leaning against his broad chest. He knew what was about to happen and wanted to step in before the situation escalated any further.

„It′s okay, just breathe. I′m here,“ he said in a reassuring voice, pressing a tiny kiss behind your left ear. „Don′t think about my mother now. Just focus on me, okay? We′re leaving as soon as you feel a bit better.“ You nodded, trying to give him at least a tiny smile.

There was no reason for you to have a panic attack over what happened. Not that such states needed a reason to happen. Many times, they came out of the blue and you couldn′t prepare for them. You simply had to wait for them to pass. But that was much harder to do than say or even think.

You could feel Reiner standing there right behind you, supporting you and watching over every shallow breath you tried to take. His chin was resting on the top of your head, while his right hand was lovingly caressing your hip.

„Just breathe, everything is fine. Nothing is going to happen to you, I′m here and I won′t let anything or anyone hurt you. Not my mother, understand? This was the last time she talked to you like that.“

The more you tried to concentrate on your breathing and push Karina′s words out of your mind, the more you were becoming aware of how hard your heart was pounding. You could feel your fiancé′s embrace tighten around your trembling body, as you closed your eyes and let another few tears run down your cheeks.

Physical touch was a double-edged weapon in situations like these. Sometimes it was the only thing, that helped you not lose your mind completely. But other times, even the slightest touch made you panic even more.

Right at that moment it was for the best to lean on him, and let Reiner hold you in his arms. You could feel the room around you spinning, while your knees were threatening to give out at any given moment. And you had to be careful, even more than before. All of this was no longer just about you. Yours and Reiner′s unborn baby had to come first in any situation. Stressing over unnecessary things wasn′t good for any of you.

„I need to tell you something,“ you said after a short while. This wasn't the best moment for announcing such big news, but it felt like the only way to prevent a full-blown panic attack from happening. „I wanted to wait until we get home, but I think...“

„It′s fine, you can tell me now,“ he assured you, while one of his hands reached forward and turned on the cold water. You didn′t understand, until he gently took both of your wrists and held them under the running water. „I′ve read somewhere, that feeling something cold, like holding an ice cube or submerging your hand or even face can help with anxiety and panic attacks. The cold sensation and the slight pain it brings is supposed to stop your brain from focusing on all of those horrible thoughts and emotions.“

You nodded slightly, trying to focus on the mirror in front of you. Your and Reiner′s reflections were looking back at you, reminding you about the present moment. Your eyes were red and puffy from the tears, while your cheeks were stained black from your ruined makeup.

„Just give it a moment,“ Reiner said, watching the mirror just as closely. He was worried, there was no denying it. You could see the concern written in his eyes and all over his beautiful face.

„I′m sorry for ruining tonight. Maybe I should have stayed home, don′t think anybody would mind or miss me here,“ you muttered almost inaudibly, but somehow calmer. Feeling the slow and regular rising and falling of his chest right there behind your back made you try and match your breathing with his.

„You don′t have to be sorry about anything. I′ve heard everything you and my mother said to each other. You did nothing wrong.“ The coldness in his voice made you feel another wave of panic. You never wanted to be the reason for him and his mother arguing. Reiner loved her, despite everything. And you had to accept that. No... you wanted to accept that. For him. His peace and happiness. Not for Karina, you couldn't care less about how she was feeling. „It′s me who should apologize. You′ve told me countless times about your misunderstandings, but I never thought that it′s this serious.“

„I didn′t want to worry you and...“ you shrugged, while Reiner gently massaged both of your wrists still under the cold water. The pain, which slowly started to get more intense, felt as if millions of tiny needles were pricking your hands all at once. It was much more comforting than you would′ve thought. „Maybe I hoped that it would get better. That she would start liking me, mainly after we got engaged and started planning the wedding.“

His half-sad and half-desperate smile made you look over your shoulder and look at him from a different angle. „After what I′ve heard... I don′t know, I should be glad, that you still want to become my wife,“ he joked, kissing the top of your head. „I wouldn't blame you, if...“

„No, stop! I don′t want to talk about your mother and what she did to me. Today and many other times before.“

It was a lie, you wanted to talk about it. About everything that happened throughout the last few years. You wanted to rant and complain about your soon-to-be mother-in-law. But looking at Reiner, you didn′t want to trouble him. Not today, not on his birthday. And surely not on the day you wanted to tell him, that he′s going to be a father.

„You wanted to tell me something,“ Reiner reminded you, stopping the water. Your hands were shaking and almost completely numb. But this little hack really did help you avoid the worst-case scenario. You had many panic attacks before, some worse than others. If Reiner didn′t come to check on you, it would have been much, much worse. „Go on, if you still want to talk. Or we can talk at home, it′s up to you.“ You thought a little, before standing on your tip toes and giving him a kiss on the cheek. „So later it is, I guess.“ You nodded, while he reached for a towel and gently wrapped your ice-cold hands into it. „Do you feel better?“

„Much better, thank you.“

Still, staying shut away in the bathroom for some extra minutes was unnecessary. You only felt comfortable leaving, when you stopped shaking and your heart rate slowed down again. And after your eyes weren′t that red anymore. Reiner held your hand tightly the entire time, gently running his thumb back and forth over your knuckles, a couple of times making a little circle around your engagement ring.

„We′ll be leaving,“ said Reiner, when the two of you stood at the entrance to the living room. Everybody sat there, talking and having fun. „It′s getting late and I have to get up early for work tomorrow,“ he added, wrapping one of his arms around your waist.

It was a lie, he had the next week off. Even his aunt and uncle knew since Gabi was set to stay at your place for a couple of days. You′ve already made many fun plans and were looking forward to them. His little cousin loved you since your first meeting and always loved to come over or go someplace with the two of you. Or sometimes just with you alone, mainly when you picked her up after school from time to time.

„Thanks for the dinner,“ he said just a bit quietly, not even looking at his mother. And you didn′t either. Giving all of them a forced smile had to be enough. The only person, that wanted a proper goodbye was Gabi, who ran up to you and gave you and Reiner a hug.

You were quiet for the whole ride home. The traffic was minimal, it was almost nine in the evening, so it didn′t take you too long to get home. Thankfully, you were soon unlocking the front door of your apartment, already thinking about the hot shower you were planning to take.

You tried to relax and forget what happened, but Karina Braun′s words were still playing over and over again in your head. It was pointless, you knew that. Every little argument with her was pointless. All she wanted, was to make you angry and try to separate you and Reiner. But it was too late for that. You and he were so in love, that it was unthinkable to break up. You′ve planned your whole life together, working towards all of your dreams for the last couple of years.

And now... you were expecting your first baby. In a perfect scenario, you would break the big news tonight during the family dinner. Everyone would be happy and congratulate you, already looking forward to meeting the little one. But since everything was very different, all you could do was cry once again.

„Everything okay?“ Reiner asked from the couch when you came out of the bathroom. Your eyes were red and puffy again, which he noticed almost immediately. „My mother just called. She wanted to talk about what happened. But I don′t have the energy to deal with it now, maybe tomorrow. Or when I won′t be this angry anymore.“

You shrugged without interest, making your way into the bedroom to pick out some comfortable clothes for the night. The whole day made you super exhausted, your pregnancy adding to the fatigue even more. A few more tears slipped down your cheeks, while you were getting dressed and climbing into bed.

Reiner joined you a few minutes later after he too took a quick shower. „We can talk now if you still want to,“ he whispered quietly, pulling you into his embrace. He was always careful and gentle with you, but today he was acting even more cautiously. „What is it about? Something important?“

You nodded, turning over to your side to face him. It felt really comforting to nestle into his arms and lay your head on his chest. „It′s about your birthday present,“ you whispered, kissing him just above his heart. „I′ve been hiding it for a while now, waiting for today.“

„We agreed on no presents, remember? All of our money went on the wedding, I don′t need anything else.“ You smiled a little, wrapping one of your arms around his body. Everything felt so different once you were in his embrace. The whole world got quiet and much more peaceful. „Is this something special you are sure I can't live without?“ he teased you, running his fingers through your still-damp hair.

„It is something I know you wanted for a long time.“

For the last couple of months, you and Reiner were trying for a baby, but without success. You felt defeated and hopeless every single month when you got your period or got a negative pregnancy test. Your friends were reassuring you, that everything will turn out fine. And then it finally happened, you missed your period and after a couple of days, you and Pieck were looking at a positive pregnancy test.

And now it was time to tell Reiner, that one of his biggest wishes, was about to come true.

„Hmmm, what did I want for a long time?“ he asked, rubbing your back.

„To become a father,“ you finally said out loud, closing your eyes while you waited for any kind of reaction.

„Yeah, that′s right. That would be really nice and I′m sure we′ll soon become the best parents ever.“

„Did you hear what I just said?“ you asked in surprise when his reaction was way different than what you′ve expected. It seemed that Reiner didn't really understand what you were trying to tell him.

„I did, of course.“

„Okay, and... did you understand? Do you know what I meant by those words?“ Reiner slowly sat up with you still in his arms, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face. You got to see the exact moment when the realization started to set in. His eyes lit up with unimaginable joy almost immediately.

„You′re pregnant?“ he asked in disbelief, looking you over as if he never saw you before in his life. For a moment you were worried that he′s going to start crying. „Like right now? In this moment?“ You nodded with a hopeful smile on your lips, grabbing his hands and interlocking your fingers. „Are you for real?“ You nodded again, biting down on your lower lip, to stop the tears from ruining another moment.

„I found out a couple of weeks ago but wanted to tell you today. I wanted your birthday to be even more special.“ But his mother almost ruined it all. Once again. As if it truly made her happy... making you suffer just because she wanted to argue during every possible moment. About every little thing. „It was really hard to keep it from you.“

„Would you tell me sooner if my birthday wasn't now?“

„Yeah, sure. I would probably tell you straight away.“

Without letting you continue talking, he leaned closer and kissed you. With that, he said everything important. With only one long and passionate kiss, you were able to feel his joy and excitement. „This is the best gift anyone ever gave me. You can′t imagine how excited I am. About... everything, really.“

„I′m so glad it′s finally happening, Reiner, you can't even imagine. I know everyone was telling us to just relax and don′t force it, but I was really getting worried that it will never happen.“

That would destroy both of you. Yes, life was about more than just settling down and having kids. Everybody had different outlooks on the future and you with Reiner wanted a family, it was as simple as that. You knew he was going to be an amazing father, although he never truly knew his own dad. Maybe that was his motivation. He wanted to be everything, his own father wasn't.

„I′m really happy, Y/N,“ he said in a soft voice, carefully making you lay back down. One of his hands came to rest over your stomach, while he leaned closer and gave it a tiny kiss. „I love you so much already, you have no idea. And I promise to be the best dad you could′ve ever asked for.“

„I can′t wait to see you together,“ you said, running your fingers through his hair, as he rested his head on your stomach and made himself comfortable. „You′ll be the best father ever, I know that.“

„All thanks to you, honey.“

Reiner gave your stomach another little kiss, before he made himself comfortable next to you again, taking you into his arms and giving you at least a hundred more kisses – on your lips and cheeks, along your haw and neck, on your forehead and to the tip of your nose. You couldn′t remember when was the last time you′ve seen him this happy.

„Do you still want to have the wedding now? It′s really stressful, all that planning and the wedding day itself. You need to be careful and rest as much as possible.“

„Everything is settled, Reiner. We just have to get all dressed up, stand at the altar, and exchange the wedding bands. Then we can go home and let the others have all the... fun.“

You never wanted a big wedding with many people. But both of you had many friends and big families. And, of course, you wanted to please everyone. That′s why now you had to host almost a hundred people on your wedding day. And to be honest, it truly terrified you. Now even more, when you had to think about the baby.

„I′m just... worried about your mother,“ you whispered quietly, a little scared to tell him what you were thinking about. „I know I′m maybe being paranoid, but I can't shake the feeling that she will try to ruin something on purpose.“

„I′m really sorry, that you feel this way,“ Reiner said, one of his hands coming to rest on your stomach, while he kissed the top of your head. „You know I talked to her on many occasions and tried to reason with her. And for a while, I thought that things had settled between the two of you. Mainly because you never complained.“

„I didn′t, but just because I didn′t want to worry you. It never got better between us, quite the opposite.“

You tried to respect that woman. After all, it was thanks to her, that you had Reiner in your life. He never really talked about his mother, since their relationship was somewhat complicated since Reiner was a teenager. But it seemed that they tried to make up throughout the last year or two. Maybe that was why Karina acted so cold and rude toward you. She felt threatened by your presence in her son′s life. Maybe she was finally aware of her own mistakes and now feared, that Reiner would shut her out of his life, just because you acted so differently towards him – more lovingly, more gentle, and more understanding.

You gave him something, she never did. Not the way she was supposed to. Something, that was so important for everyone – unconditional love.

Saying that she was a bad mother wasn′t up to you. But you knew, that when the time comes, you will raise your child completely differently. And Reiner as well, since he was nothing like his mother.

Thankfully.

„Do you want to tell her about the baby? Or should we wait?“ he asked curiously, playing with a strand of your hair. His eyes were almost overflowing with happiness and pride, as he was looking at you, probably still in disbelief. „It′s up to you.“

„I think we should wait for a little. With everybody, not just her. These first few weeks tend to be quite risky.“

He nodded in agreement. „That′s why I′m concerned about the wedding. We waited so long for this to happen, and now... I′m scared, that′s all.“ You gently kissed the warm skin on his neck, cuddling ever further into his side. „If I knew sooner, I would have never let you go to that dinner tonight.“

„I know, that′s why I didn′t tell you anything sooner,“ you smiled a little, closing your eyes in utter exhaustion. Today was a long and uncomfortable day. It was almost a miracle, that its ending was so peaceful and full of love.

„We′ll make a deal, alright? You won′t even get close to my mother, let alone talk to her. I know how angry she can make you, and I′m not willing to risk the baby′s health and life because of some nonsense fights.“

„Babe, it′s not me who wants to argue at every given moment,“ you reminded him a little annoyed, furrowing your brows. „But I′ll be happy to avoid her,“ you added willingly, not wanting to continue this conversation. „I′ll be careful, I promise. Just, please, don't try to control every aspect of my life from now on, okay?“

It took Reiner a rather long while until he nodded, gently grabbed your chin, and leaned closer to press his lips to yours. All you ever wanted, was to make this man the happiest possible. And at that moment, you were more than sure, that he was happier than ever and beyond excited about your future, as his hand was still protectively covering your stomach.

To hell with Karina Braun.

You were prepared to fight with her for the rest of your life, but never surrender. Nobody, and especially not her, will ever take Reiner from you.

From you and your baby.

[cuddlepilefics]

SkZ Season Greetings - 4

Christmas Lights

When Seungmin opened his eyes to the pitch-black darkness in his room, he felt like he had been hit by a train. There was a fierce pounding behind his temples and his head felt like it weighed a ton when he tried to lift it off his pillow. Trying to roll onto his side, the vocalist's muscles burned and he couldn't find the strength to turn over. Swallowing back tears, Seungmin's throat stung and he drew in a scratchy breath only to release it with a weak cough. It felt like he had swallowed sand, his mouth dry and throat swollen. He yearned for some cold water to ease the pain but his second attempt at sitting up too turned out to be in vain as he simply didn't have enough energy. With his tears silently running down into the pillow, all Seungmin could do was glance around the darkness, wondering how he had gotten to this point after going to bed feeling just fine.

Sitting up in bed, Minho gave a watery sniffle before reaching over to pluck a tissue from the box. He yawned before blowing his nose, wincing a little at the pressure in his sinuses. Tiredly getting out of bed, he made his way to the kitchen and noted that 3racha and Jeongin had had a sleepover in the living room, still knocked out as they had been by the end of the movie. Minho turned on the kettle and while he waited for the water to boil, he collected the dirty cups and tea pot from the living. Knowing they'd be needing it, the dancer prepared two pots of tea and cleaned up the kitchen a little because he doubted he'd find the energy to do so later. Since he figured he was the only one awake, Minho poured himself a cup of tea and took a seat at the dining table with his knees pulled up. The warm cup in his hands felt nice although the steam made his nose run and he almost got drowsy again when Felix joined him.

Felix had heard someone moving around the dorm and went to check who it was. His lips formed a surprised pout when he spotted Minho, whispering: "Good morning, hyung. You look rough." The older only gave him a look, dark circles under his eyes, before he lifted the cup to his lips and took a small sip to soothe his throat. "It got me too, I guess", he muttered before clearing his throat. Walking up next to him, Felix felt his forehead and gave a sympathetic hum. "Do you want me to make breakfast?", the Aussie asked softly, glancing around the kitchen. Resting his cheek on his knee, Minho shrugged and mumbled: "'m not hungry at all but you could maybe turn on the rice cooker, so we have soup and rice ready to heat up later should anyone feel hungry." Felix nodded, quietly moving around the kitchen, so he wouldn't wake any of his sick friends, while the older stifled a tired sneeze against his knee.

Wincing, Chan sat up and gave a chesty cough, which caught Minho's attention. The leader carefully slipped out from under the blanket and sluggishly made his way over to the dining table, where he took a seat opposite his dongsaeng. "Couldn't escape either, I see", Chan rasped, earning a weak smile. Rubbing his forehead, Minho whispered: "Felix is still okay so far. Now I'm curious how Hyunjin and Seungmin are." – "I'm okay", Hyunjin smiled as he joined them, walking up behind Felix. Pulling the younger into a back hug, he rested his chin on the other's shoulder and whined: "Why'd you leave? You were comfy." – "Wanted to be up early, so we can decorate the dorm later. Did you look outside yet? There's snow everywhere", Felix giggled softly before turning around in Hyunjin's embrace to hug him back. A relieved smile spread on Chan's lips as he realized that those two at least were doing alright.

When Chan had to use the bathroom, he decided to stop by Seungmin's room on the way back to check on the younger. He had fully expected the vocalist to be asleep, so he startled when teary eyes glanced up at him. Quietly slipping into the room, Chan took a seat on the edge of Seungmin's bed and whispered: "Hey, what's wrong?" Another tear spilled from the boy's eye as he failed to suppress a hoarse sob. "I-I", Seungmin choked out, his voice completely shot. Cupping his dongsaeng's cheek, Chan frowned. He himself was running a fever, yet Seungmin's skin felt hot to him. This was bad. "Your fever is really bad, Minnie. We need to get you to the bathroom to cool down. Do you think you can stand?", Chan hummed. Seungmin weakly shook his head. Even turning his head took unspeakable effort. Stroking his flushed cheek to keep him calm, Chan muttered: "I'd carry you but my arms feel like overcooked spaghetti, so hang on."

In an instant, the leader stood in the doorway, whisper-yelling: "Guys, we need a little help here." Ordering Minho to stay put and save his energy, Hyunjin and Felix rushed over to see what was going on. Seungmin whimpered at the noise, shaky arms reaching out from under the blanket to cradle his head. Chan muffled a cough into the crook of his arm before him and Hyunjin sat the boy up. The sudden change in position made Seungmin's head feel light and his glossy eyes lost focus for a few seconds, while Chan tugged the shirt over his head, cold air suddenly hitting his torso, making him shudder. Seungmin could hear his hyungs talking but over the ringing in his ears it was impossible to understand what they were saying before Hyunjin hoisted him out of bed, carrying him bridal-style to the bathroom.

Afraid the younger wouldn't have the energy to keep himself above water, Hyunjin placed him onto the soft rug. Chan slipped into room behind him and knelt on the ground, so Seungmin could lean against his chest. The vocalist's breathing was quick and shallow and Chan whispered reassurances while Hyunjin ran a towel under cool water before crouching in front of them. The bright ceiling light sent sharp stabs of pain through Seungmin's head and he desperately squeezed his eyes shut allowing the dancer to wipe his arms and shoulders with the towel. His heartrate sped up at the cold touch and Hyunjin could tell it had a strong effect on the boy, so he refrained from wiping his chest quite yet. "I got you some water", Felix hummed when he returned from the kitchen, carrying a wold bottle of water. Seeing Seungmin's face, the Aussie quickly turned off the light and instead opened the door wide to dimly illuminate the room. His dongsaeng visibly relaxed, reaching out a trembling hand in his direction. Water. Finally, he could do something about the desert in his throat.

Hyunjin stepped back, making space for Felix, who was shocked how greedily Seungmin chugged half of the bottle down before pulling away to cough. Sitting the vocalist up straighter, Chan accepted the towel from Hyunjin and draped it across the back of Seungmin's neck. "T-Thanks", the boy choked out, his voice scratchy. Dropping his head back against Chan's collarbone, Seungmin closed his eyes again while the leader took the cold towel to dab at his face.

They managed to slowly bring his fever down and he sipped the remaining water before whispering: "Can we go back, please? I'm cold." – "Would you be okay with resting in the living room?", Chan asked softly, carding the vocalist's hair back, "I'd like to keep an eye on you in case your fever spiked again." – "Ngh, 's too bright", Seungmin complained, his head still thudding. Throwing a dry towel over the boy's torso, Hyunjin promised: "We'll close to curtains and once you had breakfast, you can take some medicine, okay?"

Felix had already rushed off to heat up the soup for Seungmin, figuring it'd be the easiest for him to eat. Minho had moved from his seat at the dining table and sat next to Jisung after bringing the rapper tea when he had woken up coughing. Between the rapper's cough and Minho eventually giving up on stifling his sneezes, Changbin and Jeongin had woken up too and quickly made room when Hyunjin carried Seungmin to the living room. Wanting to give the vocalist some space, Minho took Jisung and Jeongin to the dining table, grateful that Felix had already turned on the stove. The dancer served his dongsaengs a bowl of soup each, promising: "As soon as you've got something in your system, you can have more medicine." – "You know, I miss our old dorm. We could all hang out together and actually had the space to do so. I don't want us to be separated in our rooms right now but it sure is a little cramped here", Changbin mumbled sadly, thinking back to all the good and the bad times they had faced at their old dorm.

Realizing that their friends had themselves and each other handled for the time being, Hyunjin and Felix headed over to the other dorm to grab whatever large cushions and beanbags they could find to make the living room more comfortable, so their friends could rest despite not having much space. When they returned, Chan and Changbin had managed to talk Minho into having breakfast too and the dancer was glad they had because he felt a little more like himself once the fever-reducers kicked in. Seungmin had at least sipped some broth before allowing Chan to get him a small bowl of rice and was now sleeping on the couch after taking something for his headache. As promised, the curtains were closed, the living room dim enough not to cause him any pain.

Jeongin had taken a shower before settling on the couch with Seungmin, so he could play with the vocalist's hair. It had been Seungmin who had comforted before, when he had cried over not being able to record. Thinking back, Jeongin realized that he had most likely only been that emotional because he was already starting to run a fever without knowing it. Chan had the hardest time letting himself be convinced of eating anything but Minho supplied him with tea and cough drops for his throat, so he at least wouldn't get dehydrated. Having sweat a lot under all those blankets the previous night, Changbin gladly accepted the offer of taking a shower and borrowing some of Minho's clothes because he didn't feel like going back to his own dorm right now. It just seemed too far away.

Though Jisung felt sore and lethargic, he happily helped Hyunjin and Felix set up the living room. He doubted he'd be able to sleep more right now and hoped he could convince his friends to watch a movie later on, so they should all be able to find some space, especially if they were too feverish to cuddle. The rapper secretly snapped a picture of their two maknaes after Jeongin had fallen asleep too. When Changbin returned from his shower and claimed one of the beanbags, opening his arms, Jisung gladly joined him for cuddles though. The flickering light from the candle Felix had lit on the coffee table a little while ago made him drowsy, so against his prediction, Jisung eventually drifted off to sleep again.

When Chan quietly made his way back to the living room, his vision suddenly turned black.

With their friends resting, Felix connected his earbuds and handed one of them to Hyunjin before placing the other into his own ear. Starting his Christmas playlist, the Aussie retrieved the storage boxes filled with holiday decorations from the hallway closet and the pair started to sort through it. They lip-synced to songs only they could hear, happily stringing up Christmas lights around the living room to illuminate it with a warm and cozy glow, that wouldn't aggravate the members' headaches but make it easier to move around without tripping over each other. At some point, Chan passed them as he headed to the kitchen to take some cough syrup, afraid he'd keep his dongsaengs up with all his coughing. The leader couldn't hep but chuckle, watching the pair dance to a tune he couldn't hear. It did look odd but he was glad they were enjoying themselves, getting a break from the stress they've been under for the past few weeks. If dancing and decorating was their way of resting their minds, he wouldn't comment on it, especially because of the smile on Felix' lips, bretaying pure joy every time he glanced out through a gap in the curtain and caught a glimpse of the snow outside.

[deannagrey]

Just Dare Me: Chapter 2 (2/4)

(had to split these up 'cause of the character limit)

Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4

Ari saved my ass with the rain warning. Halfway through the day, it felt like a full-on hurricane was passing through town. Everyone scrambled across campus, trying to get to their destinations without getting soaked to the bone. A few professors even canceled classes, citing some streets were too flooded for commuting.

I’d accidentally splashed through a deceivingly huge puddle after my second class of the day. The water and dirt ruined my pressed tan slacks. I almost cried in the bathroom at how my stain-removing stick wasn’t doing anything for me. It took longer than I’d like to admit for me to calm down and remind myself dry cleaning existed for a reason. Pushing away my need to look one hundred percent presentable was a feat that zapped most of my energy.

My initial spark from the morning faded to a strained ember by the end of the day. So it goes without saying that I didn’t exactly feel like showing up to David’s dare. Especially when I realized it’d be at a bar. A cowboy-themed bar.

I had a ride share drop me off in front of Ye-Haw Way a half hour before our meet-up time. The demographic of customers seemed diverse enough. Most who filtered in and out of the building wore some kind of cowboy motif. I snapped a photo of the blinking ‘giddy on in’ welcome sign to send to David. There was a slim to no chance Ye-Haw Way wasn’t his intended destination. But I still needed to try.

Yara: This the right place?

David: Congrats. You know how to use a GPS. Do you need help finding the door as well?

I blew out an annoyed breath and grabbed the wooden door handle. Once past the traditional door, I was met with a swinging one reminiscent of old-time Western bar entryways.

The inside of Ye-Haw Way was loud and packed. I raised my brow at the surprisingly colorful overhead lighting. There was a live band complete with banjo and fiddle player. The lead singer on stage was a woman with dark skin. She wore beads on the end of her braids and held onto the microphone like it was a life raft. Her voice reminded me of the older women in the choir from my church. She looked much younger but had an “old spirit” way about her in how she swayed back and forth.

It took me a second to re-focus on my main goal: finding David, finishing his dare, and getting the hell out of here. This place wasn’t as unwelcoming as I thought it’d be from the outside. I moved through the crowd easily enough. No one looked at me too weird even though I felt wildly out of place in my casual work wear.

David sat at the end of the bar. I paused for a second, taking in how his hair was a bit overgrown since the beginning of the semester. He wore his trademark jean jacket that was fraying on the shoulders. The cup sitting in front of him was empty and he stared into the glass like it held the answer to life’s greatest mysteries. He glanced up ever so often like he was looking for something he’d forgotten or something he needed.

When I finally decided to get closer, another girl beat me to the punch. She wore the cutest pair of pink cowboy boots I’ve ever seen paired with a pink mini skirt and corset. Her bubblegum hair was in waves that reached her back. I was close enough to hear she had a sweet voice to match her exterior.

Most of the guys nearby seemed to have eyes for her. But, for some reason, she didn’t seem interested in making eye contact with anyone except David. I didn’t blame her, his dark aesthetic would contrast hers brilliantly. They’d be the kind of pairing musicians wrote about. Mean guy, sweet girl, and fairytale romances. I lingered back just to see how things would play out.

Their exchange was brief. David didn’t look up once during it. His disinterest didn’t seem to deflate her ego, though. Instead, she left a piece of paper under his cup and skipped away to join some other girls on the dance floor.

“Not your type?” I teased as I settled the stool next to him. “Too good for your damaged soul? Did you not want to ruin her and bring her into your misery?”

He didn’t look up at my words either. But his brow quirked up, which was more animation than he’d given Cute Pink Girl.

“Didn’t come here looking for a type,” he said, simply and gestured to the bartender for a refill. “I’m seeing someone.”

My ears perked up a little, shocked at this tidbit of information. David and I didn’t have conversations about our lives outside of when we hung out. We were always too busy trying to wound each other’s pride.

“Really? Who’s the lucky lad or lass?” I asked, wincing at my phrasing. I was a little too hard not to sound interested in his dating life. In reality, the thought of someone being with David romantically seemed nearly impossible. Who’d lack that much self-preservation?

“Lad or lass?” David snorted. “I’m bisexual, Yara. Not a pirate.”

“There’s a difference?” I joked.

David shook his head, smiling a bit. “You really want to know?”

I scoffed. “I’m not dying for the information or anything.”

Though my breath did catch a little when he looked at me.

“Good. Can’t have your death on my hands. Covee would never forgive me.” He finished his drink with no indication he planned on answering my question. So, he planned on keeping this mystery person a secret? Fine by me.

“Let’s get this thing over with,” I said quickly. Suddenly, the warmth of the building wasn’t comforting anymore. I wanted to be back out in the rain because the cold felt more real than whatever was going on between us. Like David said last night, there was no word for our relationship. And not knowing where we stood felt like being surprised pricked by a needle.

“Sure you don’t want a drink first?” David stood from his stool but didn’t move from the bar.

I slipped off my seat too. Standing side-by-side, David was a few inches taller than me. I had to tilt my head to meet his gaze. Tonight his smelt of whisky and his eyes almost matched the color of it, too. The bright, overhead lights were doing wonders in smoothing out his darker features.

“I don’t drink,” I forced out in a hard tone. The softer David looked, the tougher I felt I needed to be.

“Another disappointment.” He frowned, feigning sadness. “Drunk Yara might actually be worth hanging out with.”

“If I was such a chore to hang around, you wouldn’t be blowing up my phone every other day,” I countered.

His expression changed. For a second, I thought I actually made a decent shot.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” he said in a voice that indicated he never once believed that possibility. “But you’re the one who started texting me.”

My jaw tightened as I remembered our first back and forth. It’d been after I’d lost the beginning dare and couldn’t sleep without seeing his irritating smirk. I’d gotten his number from Covee’s boyfriend, Weston, and texted him at 2 AM with demands of a rematch. A little neurotic, sure. But he matched my energy so weren’t both of us to blame?

[levis-coffeecup]

chapter 20| Through the Storm

WC-4.9k

Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

Hi guys!

It's been long. And I am incredibly sorry for promising to publish chapter by Sunday, yet doing that today. I feel incredibly guilty, like I've been taking everyone who reads this story for granted.

I've genuinely been quite busy. I have my college, my part time job and I also have to cook and clean for myself. And in all honesty, I've also lost my interest in completing this fic. So i have to push myself, rather than actually looking forward to writing it. But I'm not giving up on it yet, I've promised a few people that I will get it finished, and so I will.

@musumusuhasi a huge reason for one of the scenes in the chapter is because you told me Mae was always very cutesy, and never strong. I hope I've made that better, and if not please do let me know! (And if you don't read the fic anymore, then that's understandable too:)

Also since I've posted after a long time and if you've forgotten what happened in the previous chapter; here's a recap. Mae and Levi attend Ivan's wedding. Mr. Mendes is still mad at Mae and yells at her about Levi being a bad decision (ends up revealing that Levi is an underground thug.) Mae feels defeated because Levi didn't tell her this and starts losing faith in their relationship. She talks to Ivan, and Ivan comforts her, and lets her know that Levi still loves her, and their love for each other is pure.

Song for this chapter is I can't help falling in love with you.

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

JAN 847

The wind growls, as it blows harshly. The morning sunlight barely reaches the ground. 

In the stroke of a night, the rain has turned into snow. The first snow of Mitras, but it seems more like a storm. And Mae is not prepared at all.

Her fingertips have gone numb, and the ache in her head seems never ending. Her dress is wet from all the snowfall. And she shudders as she walks through the snow covered ground. 

It feels like death is close. Her entire body shivers, almost violently. But a certain fire inside her keeps her going, despite the odds.

The world seems abandoned, people stay cooped in the warmth of their houses. And pellets of snow hit her head, as she walks ahead. It’s been hours since she’s been on the road. And she swears she wants to cry tears of joy when she finally spots the two-storey building with the Military Police symbol painted on it.

Her pace fastens, and with the last of her energy she pushes past the gate.

And everyone at the police station looks up, as they see a young lady on their door. Drenched from head to toe, turning blue from all the cold.

“I-I h-have a missing c-complaint to file,” Mae speaks in between shudders, leaning against the doorframe, tired enough to collapse at the moment. 

And the officer in front gets up. He decides he doesn’t think too highly of her. For one it's way too risky walking out in the snow so underdressed. She could have died in some corner, and no one would have even noticed.

Nevertheless, he takes one of the coats hung on the wall and offers it to her. “Here, you’ll die in the cold if you dress up this way, miss.”

And Mae still shivers from the cold, But her eyes are resolute.

“Sir Ellias, “ she reads the badge attached to his shirt. “I have a missing complaint to file.”

And Ellias gawks back at her, sizing her up. 

He doesn’t understand what brings her here. Wearing no gloves and a light jacket in a fucking snowstorm. 

And so he wraps the coat around her trembling shoulders, and leads her towards his desk.

“Levi… his name is Levi.” Her voice comes out raw and vulnerable. 

Levi has disappeared. She has checked everywhere. He wasn’t in their hotel room. He wasn’t anywhere near the wedding location.  And he wasn’t even around all the popular tea shops in Mitras. 

His wallet lays on their hotel bed, long forgotten. And the suitcase, packed with half his clothes, remains untouched too.

It's been 8 hours since Mae’s talk with Ivan, and there is still no sight of Levi. She has waited for him the entire night, and now the snow on the ground is at least a foot high. 

It's too late… She worries something must have happened to him. 

A young lady places a tray of warm tea on the table. Its smell wafts through the air, and Mae’s eyes well up. The drink warms both her throat and her heart. 

She just hopes Levi is alright wherever he is.

“The name is Levi you said?” Elias reconfirms as he puts it down on paper.

 “Mhm,” she nods vigorously. “He is quite short but his build is strong. His skin is pale and his eyebags are really big and prominent. His hair is black and he works in the Survey Corps… He also has-”

Elias stops writing. Face morphing into one of confusion. ”Wait…” he cuts her off. “Are you talking about Humanity’s Strongest? Captain Levi? Or is this someone e-”

“Yes.” Mae answers, exasperated. “It's him, he’s gone missing.” 

Hope glimmers in her eyes. 

People know Levi, and she’s one step closer to finding him.

But disbelief settles in Elias’s. 

Slowly it shifts to mirth. A beat of silence passes by, and then a soft chuckle escapes his lips.

“What the hell, why are you laughing?” Mae scoffs, eyebrows scrunching in disapproval. ”This is a serious matter.” 

Her words only makes him laugh louder. It adds to Mae’s temper.

“EXCUSE ME.” She bangs her fist on the table and gets up. And even though exhaustion is heavy in her voice, her eyes burn bright red.

“Have you ever seen that guy? Is this some sort of a prank?.” He speaks in between laughs. “Even death would be scared of him.” 

“So you are telling me he couldn’t have been caught up in this snow storm and might need help?”

“He is fully capable of protecting himself… you’d know that if you’d met him.”

And Mae’s lips tremble as she remembers the last time she saw him.

He wasn’t even able to meet her gaze. He looked so vulnerable… Like a kitten left astray. 

“He’s not made of stone.” her voice comes out as a whimper.

“But he’s got a heart of stone,” Ellias rebuttals as he crumbles the missing form and tosses it towards the bin.” Humanity’s strongest can look after himself… There’s a reason why he’s Humanity’s Strongest…”

And Mae gapes. Her head throbs, with the texture of pain. Her body aches for a minute's rest. But somehow she finds the energy to create a scene.

And she leans forward towards Elias, with her hands placed on the table and her arms stretched straight

“EXCUSE ME…” she sneers. “I’m here to file a missing complaint and it's your duty to look into it. Instead you’re telling me that I’m lying... Just because you’re a lazy bum who can’t get himself to work… people like yo-”

The door is yanked open with a bang, Mae flinches and Elias looks towards it. 

Out comes a tall - middle-aged man, wearing a large black overcoat and a… bowler hat even though he’s indoors.

His jet black hair is gelled to the black. And his face sports a pronounced scowl. “OI!” He calls out. “What’s all this ruckus this early in the morning?”

The atmosphere suddenly changes, and Ellias straightens himself. Slightly scared.

“Sir…” his voice trails off, a lump forming in his throat. 

“I have a missing complaint to file, I’m afraid it’s not being taken seriously.” Mae beats him to it, as she pushes her chair back..

“He doesn’t work in that department,” Ellias pokes in, but Mae moves ahead regardless

And Kenny smirks in glee at the sight of her. 

Missing complaints are not something he concerns himself with. He’s here to work for the King,, not to solve some minor civil problems and save some damsel in distress. 

But he’s bored, and she’s a wreck. It will be good entertainment. 

 “Sir… Captain Levi has been missing for the past 8 hours, and we all know how harsh the snow storm is.” Mae explains , hoping she receives the help she’s here for her.

And Kenny’s eyes blow wide, more with concern than surprise. 

Captain Levi. The title sounds pleasant to his ears. 

Now he can’t help but stay.

“See, I told you she is crazy” Elias sputters to cover up. “I think the cold has gotten to her head or something… which maniac walks out in the cold like that.” 

“THE COLD HAS NOT GOTTEN TO MY HEAD.” Mae’s eyes flash dangerously at Elias, and she shifts her attention towards Kenny. Deeming him more competent.

But Kenny only lets out a snicker. “He’s strong, he can take care of himself very well.” 

I’ve made sure of it. He wants to add. But some things are better left unsaid.

“AND HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? YOU DON’T KNOW HIM? HAVE YOU EVER EVEN MET HIM?” She yells, absolutely appalled at the insensitivity of these men.

And Kenny takes a step towards her too, towering a foot above her. His nostrils flare in anger, and he glares at her, his aura almost threatening. Not a lot of people have had the audacity to speak to him in such a way. “Who are you to him?” he seethes through clenched teeth.

But Mae doesn’t back away either. 

“I’m his lover.” she spills out, without an ounce of hesitance.

Sheer surprise flashes in Kenny’s eyes for a second. Slowly it fades and the creases under his eyes melt into that of laughter. “Aah, that runt grew up finally.” he chortles

And Mae looks at him, appalled and disgusted. “And who are you to him?” She counters . Half in mockery. Half in contempt. He doesn’t even wear a badge that tells his name. She’d be surprised if she’d find even one reliable officer in this damned place.

And Kenny falls silent for a millisecond, face conflicted.

“….Nothing.” He lets out a weak laugh. “Just go back home, you’ll find him there.”

And then he takes a step back in resignation. A little emotional, a little exhausted. “Take good care of him.” he mutters under his breath, before he coops back into his cabin.

—--------------------------------------------

A heavy sigh falls from Levi’s lips as he steps into the premises of the Survey Corps headquarters. The midnight moon shines over.  And the stone walls embrace him, it's cold grays have never seemed so inviting.

It’s been an entire day on horseback. Nevertheless he should be grateful the stable manager at Mitras recognised him, and rented him a horse, free of cost.

And as glad as he is to be here, there’s also a  heaviness in his heart that he can’t shake off. 

It's the kind of pain that only Mae is capable of causing.

She isn’t next to him. 

He left without a thought. Running away from the haunting unhappiness in her eyes. And now he’s left with only his feelings to keep him company. Cold and empty.

He wonders if the marriage went out as planned? Were the celebrations as grand as the decorations? And was the buffet as large as they were setting it up to be? 

Most of all he wonders if Mae is okay? He wonders, if just like Kenny, that was the last time he saw her as well?

Memories of yesterday trickle into his mind. The disappointment in her eyes, and the complaints in her mind. And he sighs, exhausted. Wondering if the heaviness in his chest will alleviate.

He needs tea, he tells himself.

The torches on the walls flicker, dimmed by the constant breeze. Winter is just around the corner and darkness engulfs the hallways. 

And Levi relaxes a tad bit. Finding solace in his darkness, it’s what is familiar to him. 

He rounds the corner and enters the kitchen. Sadly for him, a familiar brunette is already seated on the dining table next to the kitchen.

Hange. His features twist into a scowl.

They are the worst person he could possibly find at this time.

And Hange swivels as the sound of his footsteps reaches their ear.

“Levi!” They exclaim. “You’re back early.”

And Levi looks at them coldly, completely ignoring their existence.

He was so close to sulking. But now he looks emotionless again. It's like something has shifted in his head. And now the person next to him will only face his anger, never his sadness.

He makes his way to the kettle. And he prays that Hange stays put in their chair.

But Hange is relentless as usual. Hyperactive, and curious. They spring up from their seat and follow Levi into the open kitchen. Ready with their barrage of questions.

“So how was the wedding?” Where is Mae?” It's probably the dim candlelights that impairs them from seeing the scowl on Levi’s face. A few moments more and he will snap. Hopefully in a tame way.

“Don’t tell me you dropped her back home, this late at night?” They wiggle their brows suggestively, as they linger behind him. Watching him boil the water from over his shoulder.

And Levi doesn’t even turn to look back at them, as he puts his hand on their shoulder and pushes them backwards. “Fuck off, “ he threatens

Hange’s lips part. Usually with Levi, they can never tell when he’s mad, because he always looks mad. But tonight, the anger in his voice is primal. 

And they can only head back to the table, and shove their head back into their research books. Looking over occasionally to give Levi a onceover.

He looks at the pot of boiling water a little too hard. His jaw is clenched tight, and his footsteps are a little too loud.

His hands shuffle through the cabinets. Banging the shelf doors shut. And Hange doesn’t understand how Levi doesn’t recall the spot he’s specifically designated to his beloved tea. None of the other Survey Corps seniors are even allowed to touch it.

Frustration fills him up, and he curses, rather loudly.

And the Levi in front of Hange, is completely unlike the Levi they’ve always known. 

The Levi in front of them is messy and unorganized. Grabbing a hot vessel bare hand, and then hissing at the burn.

The flipping of their pages stops, and all they see in front of them is a problem to be solved.

There’s an obvious tension in the air that drowns in all the quiet. And Levi finds himself falling into the endless pit of sadness inside of him, again.

He tries to forget the disappointment that he saw in her eyes. He tries to forget the things that Mr.Mendes said about him, harsh but so true, they still make his heart hurt. But its all too recent, all too fresh in his memory.

Mae was close to crying back then, he could tell by the way her lips shuddered. 

He doesn’t understand why he still feels so sad. After all he knew that things between them were bound to end. He doesn’t understand why he always gets his hopes up, when he has a habit of losing people left and right.

And he doesn’t understand why he sits on the same table as Hange, taking the farthest chair from them. When he can easily take his tea to his quarters.

Maybe it's the fact that he’s been left alone again. And being in the vicinity of someone, even if it's someone as annoying as Hange, seems comforting. 

Even if that comfort is temporary.

He’s so much of a disappointment.

Sometimes he wonders why Erwin and Hange keep up with him?

It's probably because of his strength.

The smell of tea floats through the air, but Levi doesn’t touch it. 

And Hange notices. “I can’t wait for the day when you’ll marry Mae as well.” They chirp out of nowhere. Hoping to make him feel better.

And Levi does manage to throw one of the harshest stares at them, before he winces.

“She found out.” The words slip out of his mouth. Accidently, perhaps. It's one of the rare times where his emotions run so wild, they can’t help but take charge.  

“She found out what?” Hange repeats. Their ears practically flying over. 

Slowly they shift to the chair next to him.

And Levi sits rigid, holding his head where it hurts, it feels like the walls in his brain are caving in.

And yet, he fights. 

He fights Hange’s company. 

He fights his needs, his desires.

He fights himself. Adding fuel to his own struggle. 

It’s what he has done his entire life.

It has left him worn out. 

To the point where he doesn’t have the strength to resist anymore. 

The walls around his heart are slowly crumbling down.

He’s lost her. His world feels dark. 

“She found out that I’m an underground thug.” His voice comes out weak… barely above a whisper. The position life has put him in is hard to believe. Because here he sits, opening up to Hange of all people.

Kenny would disapprove so much of the emotional bastard he still is. Losing hope by a mere person leaving him behind. 

But he does it for Mae, he tells himself. 

And Hange’s eyes widen, surprised that Mae didn’t already know about this. It's abnormal, and unhealthy. They were pretty sure Mae was the person he was closest to. 

A silence spreads, its claws fatal. 

Levi takes Hange’s silence for judgment, and decides to go back into his invulnerable shell. “Doesn’t matter, things were going to end anyways,” he mutters coldly, and then he loudly slurps his tea.

And Hange still sits in shock. She found out, his words echo in their head. Which means he didn’t even tell her himself.  “LEVI!,” They urge, breaking out of their stupor  “Till when were you going to keep this hidden from her!”

Forever if possible he thinks to himself. He can always keep a few parts of him hidden.

And his silence tells. 

“You weren’t planning to tell her, were you?” They question, but they know it's true. 

The quake of his heel never fades , and his shoulders still slouch. They’ve never seen him look so defeated. He’s too afraid of disappointing. He’s too afraid of being abandoned. And he’s too afraid to voice out that he didn’t want Mae to know, because he was afraid she’d leave him.

“Why would you not tell her Levi….? Hange racks through the potential possibilities. “Was it because you were treated harshly by the soldiers when you first came in….”

Everything comes off as a surprise to them. They could have never guessed that all the taunts thrown his way were something that bothered him. Not by the look on his face anyway. Guess he’s a little more sensitive than they had anticipated.

“You were discriminated against in the Survey Corps, because it's the military and rules are important here. You broke the order, you broke the regulations so obviously people didn’t like it. Also your first impression was HORRIBLE…And just because everyone in the military condemned you, doesn’t mean Mae will too… You can’t pretend to be someone else and hide parts of yourself from someone who is in a sense your life partner Levi?” 

There is a stiffness in the air that constricts. And Levi feels like he’s being put on the spot, when he’s caught vulnerable. He feels angry, he wants to yell, he wants to push Hange away… or maybe– or maybe he’s just scared.

And he sits there forcing his eyes shut as Hange’s words sink in. He’s repeated this mistake before, fitting himself into the likes and standards of Kenny, just to please him. So much so that sometimes he doesn’t even recognise the softer, more emotional parts of him.

“To love, means to accept the person for what they are…” Hange places an arm on his shoulder, and he looks at them, his gaze tender. “And if she doesn’t… then good for you. At least you know she wasn’t the one.” 

And Levi does find Hange’s thoughts beautiful. But he also knows that no one will go to such lengths for him. He knows that he’ll be abandoned by the Survey Corps as well, if one day he wakes up weak.

He tears his gaze away from them. Knowing that if he looks too long, Hange will see through all his imperfections. 

They have a habit of not keeping their nose in everyone’s shit anyways.

But Hange’s mind is already working at a speed that he should be afraid of. And they almost jump from their chair, as a realization strikes. “This is the problem isn’t it Levi!... The thought that she might leave you…. You ignored her because you knew she was bound to leave you or be disappointed in you in some way... You thought she was better off with Ivan, then you taking the pain of losing her.” 

Levi’s eyes widen. They are threateningly close to knowing him.

“HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?”, he seethes as he grits his teeth. Half embarrassed that Hange knows about his pitiful behavior with Mae when Ivan was here.

“I… I  have assumptions,” they gulp. Fearful for once

The clock ticks, and slowly his features soften “Mae told you everything, didn’t she?” he sighs, as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Well but I’m always open to hear your perspective as well.’

“Oh fuck off Hange.” He sneers as he gulps his tea down, and pushes the cup to the side.

He feels horrible, so out of character, and vulnerable. But he doesn’t feel unsafe. 

And he has a shit ton of problems that he knows he can’t solve by himself. Especially when it comes to Mae. 

And what's the point hesitating now, when his pride has already been tossed into the bin.

“I don’t know how to keep her Happy Hange… It's not the same anymore, she’s unhappier, doesn’t talk with me too much.” He looks down, his voice somber.

“Says you Levi… the person she used to smile just at the sight of?” Hange’s voice is soft, their eyes full of genuine concern.

And despite his uneasiness with discussing his personal life out loud, and getting his behavioral patterns dissected by none other than Hange, he settles into his chair.

The night is long and Hange seems welcoming,

—--------------------------------------------

Heavy gray clouds conceal the midnight sky. The rains are relentless, boisterous with thunder. And fog wraps around the tall trees like a blanket.

The winds blow fast, Levi can hear it rattle against the glass windows.

His quarters are warm though, fire crackles in the hearth, casting an orange tint. And his cloak  is leisurely draped over his shoulders. 

Scented candles are lined up on his window sill. 

And lavender tea he brewed for himself has now run cold. Halfway finished

It's something Mae made him do, when sleeping was becoming difficult.

She crafted a whole ass routine for him, to help him relax and sleep longer.  

He drums his fingers on the table, sitting idle, Frustrated that he’s done with all his paperwork.

It feels so damn lonely. Like those days, when she’d quit her job from the Survey Corp and he was haunted with thoughts of her..

The sound of thunder fills up the space.

The temperature has dropped all of a sudden. Surely it must be snowing in the interior. And Levi feels guilty for leaving Mae behind so thoughtlessly. 

None of them were prepared for snow. 

Another round of thunder reverberates around. Lightning strikes and Levi shivers. The night is uncannily similar to the night when he lost Farlan and Isabel.

Just another testament of how he is not made for happy endings. 

And he can only watch as every second painfully passes away.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The fire cackles

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The wind  whistles.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

The lightning feels blinding.

Tick-tock, tick-tock

A distant sound adds to the mix. It's rushed and heavy, pounding closer to his gates.

And Levi is pulled out of his reverie, as then the door barges open

In front of him stands Mae, with her hair partially drenched, and her dress splattered with mud. 

The closed umbrella in her hand, makes a pool of water on the floor. Dripping wet.

His eyes widen. 

And so do hers. 

“Levi,” his name slips past her lips. And for once she didn't overthink. The umbrella in her hand drops to the floor, and the door behind shuts close, as she leaves everything behind and darts towards him. 

She doesn’t hesitate, as she sits on his lap, and throws her arms around his frame. Surrendering to the intensity of emotions in her heart..

Levi's body tenses at instinct. His heartbeat picks up the pace and the butterflies in his stomach come alive once again.

It's just been 4 days, but he’s missed her so damn much. For a moment he wonders if he’s still daydreaming

And it's only when he feels her shivering against his chest, that he gives in. “Y-you’r-re c-cold,” he stutters, as he wraps his cloak around her. His hands splay over her back, rubbing it to warm her up quickly.

And she too, huddles closer to his warmth. The sound of his low baritone, brings her so much comfort, and she shuts her eyes close, to pause this moment. 

Their breaths mingle, hearts beating in sync, together. 

In this moment they are so vulnerable. 

She cries, into his chest. And he’s made sure that nothing in his life is important enough to make him cry. But for god's sake does his heart sob with joy. 

He looks at the messy trail of mud her shoes have left behind. And her fingernails that are dirty with grime. He looks at her shuddering shoulders and her hair, wet and cold. 

She’s traveled through the storm for him.

She’s come back to him. Despite everything

And he doesn’t know what the future holds for them, or even if she'll be alive the next day. But he does know that no matter how cruel and brutal this world gets, his heart will forever be labeled hers.

Her hands leave his chest, before they slowly come up to his cheeks. She cups his face, as she pulls back and looks at him. Silence stretches between them. Or maybe it's the pause one takes to admire something beautiful.

And fresh tears fill up her eyes as she strokes his cheek.“Why do you make me worry so much? Couldn’t you have told me that you were leaving? I-I was so scared something happened to you.”

His knees feel weak at the thought. Like he’ll shatter to the ground, if not for her holding him so close.

And his breath shudders, sodden with emotions. “I-I’m s-sorry.” he gulps. Voice heavy with guilt. “I-I thought you would be u-upset. Wouldn’t w-want to n-near me anymore.”

“I would have wanted to hear about your past from you. I was more disappointed in the fact that you didn’t tell me, when everyone else knew about it... I am your lover Levi… I consider you my better half, then why is it that I know so little about you?”

In her questions, Levi feels a kind of reassurance. Perhaps it's the fact that she’s still making an effort to stay with him.

It's a feeling he can't put into words.

As if his sun-burned body has finally found the cooling shade of a tree.

As if his directionless quest has finally found a destination.

There is such a prickle in this moment, and the way she holds him, tightly, yet with gentleness. It makes him question all the nasty thoughts he has had about himself.

Because he was convinced that he was way too crooked for anyone to find any beauty in him. And yet she dares to sit on his lap, so close to him. Cradling him as if he’s something precious. 

Words fail him. And he can’t help but think if he could just kiss her, and pour all his love into it. If he could kiss her and express all that his speech never could. They all seem so beautiful in the romance novels he reads.

If only he could kiss her and not succumb to his overthinking head.

And so he brings her hand closer to lips. His heart hammers, almost violently in his chest. And his hand shudders with nervousness. Yet he dares to take her knuckles and kiss it. 

Hoping it conveys everything he can’t spout out loud.

That he’ll fight for her. Even if it's parts of himself that he’s up against. “I;m s-sorry…I’m s-sorry, I thought you’d h-hate me”

And Mae smiles as she looks at him. The first genuine smile she’s given him in months. “We’ve got to work on a lot of things to make this work,” Her words are blunt, but the way she delivers them is so gentle.

And Levi blinks up at her. Grateful that she has not given up on him yet. “We do…” he hums.

There’s fear in both of their eyes. The fear of messing up. The fear of losing one another. So many things still remain unexpressed. So many fears, desires, wishes. If only they were given a voice. Both Levi and Mae would know that their love for each other is boundless.

“You promise you’ll tell me everything and we’ll talk about us tomorrow?” Mae says as she tries getting out of his lap. Desperate in need of a shower

Surprisingly, his grip around her waist tightens. He holds her there, listening to the sound of her breath. 

And despite the wreck Mae is, she finally feels so wanted. The butterflies in her stomach tumble. And she can barely contain her happiness.

“I will… “Levi presses a kiss on her forehead. “Now go take a shower, I’ll set up the bed for you.”

“Will you sleep on the bed, next to me?” she asks on her way to the shower.

And Levi never sleeps on the bed.

Because Levi lives every moment with the unsurety of whether he’ll make it to the next. He lives every moment considering the possibility that the titans might break in.

Yet now as he looks into her warm brown eyes, he can’t help but wonder if for one night he just lets loose.

The worst thing that could happen is that the titans breach the wall, and he ends up dying with her.

Indeed that sounds like a soft epilogue. To die in each other’s arms, to not die alone. 

Everyone comes to this world on their own, and they die on their own, because inherently everyone is alone. And yet to hold on to each other, as they take their last breaths. To have a moment of bliss before death separates them.

“Levi!” Mae prods again. A brow raised in question. “Will you sleep on the bed with me?”

And his lips quirk up a tiny bit, as he timidly nods a yes.

[storedapear]

The Essential Guide to Fatty Acids: How MCTs, Omega 3, 6, and 9 Can Transform Your Health

The Essential Guide to Fatty Acids: How MCTs, Omega 3, 6, and 9 Can Transform Your Health

When you hear the word “fats,” you might instantly think of something unhealthy or detrimental to your health. But what if I told you that some fats are actually essential for your well-being? These are known as essential fatty acids, and they play a crucial role in everything from brain function to heart health. In this article, we’ll break down the most important fatty acids—MCTs, Omega 3, Omega 6, and Omega 9—and explore how they can help you live a healthier, more balanced life.

Understanding Essential Fatty Acids

Not all fats are created equal. While unhealthy fats like trans fats can negatively impact your health, essential fatty acids are quite the opposite. These are fats your body needs to function properly, but can’t produce on its own—meaning you must get them from your diet.

Let’s explore the different types of fatty acids and how they contribute to your health.

1. MCTs: Fast Energy for the Body and Brain

MCTs, or medium-chain triglycerides, are a unique type of fat found primarily in coconut oil and palm oil. Unlike long-chain fats, MCTs are rapidly absorbed by the body and converted into energy almost instantly. That’s why MCT oil is a favorite among athletes and people who need quick energy boosts throughout the day. It’s also been linked to weight loss, improved mental clarity, and better performance during workouts.

If you’re looking for a clean, fast fuel source that can help both your body and brain, MCTs might be the perfect addition to your diet.

2. Omega 3: The Heart and Brain Protector

When it comes to fatty acids, Omega 3 often steals the spotlight—and for good reason! Omega 3s are well-known for their heart health benefits. These healthy fats, commonly found in fatty fish like salmon, flaxseeds, chia seeds, and walnuts, have been shown to reduce inflammation, lower blood pressure, and improve cholesterol levels.

But Omega 3s don’t just benefit your heart—they’re also essential for brain health. These fatty acids support cognitive function and may even help with mood regulation. Whether you’re aiming to protect your heart or keep your brain sharp, Omega 3 should be a regular part of your diet.

3. Omega 6: Growth and Development Supporter

Next on the list are Omega 6 fatty acids, which are primarily found in vegetable oils, seeds, and nuts. These fats are important for growth and development and can help maintain healthy skin. However, Omega 6 is often misunderstood because, in excess, it can lead to inflammation, especially if not balanced with enough Omega 3.

Maintaining the right ratio between Omega 3 and Omega 6 in your diet is crucial for minimizing inflammation and promoting optimal health.

4. Omega 9: The Cholesterol Manager

Unlike Omega 3 and Omega 6, Omega 9 isn’t classified as an “essential” fatty acid because your body can produce it. However, incorporating Omega 9-rich foods like olive oil, almonds, and avocados into your diet can still offer some serious health benefits. Omega 9 helps to reduce bad cholesterol (LDL) and improve overall heart health by promoting better blood circulation.

So, even though your body can make Omega 9, it’s still a good idea to include foods that are rich in this fatty acid to support your cardiovascular system.

How to Incorporate These Essential Fats Into Your Diet

Now that you know what these fatty acids do, the next step is figuring out how to include them in your daily meals. Here are a few simple ideas:

MCTs: Add MCT oil to your morning coffee or smoothie for a quick energy boost.

Omega 3: Incorporate fatty fish like salmon into your meals a couple of times a week. Plant-based? Try chia seeds, flaxseeds, or walnuts.

Omega 6: Drizzle some sesame or sunflower oil over your salad, or snack on nuts and seeds.

Omega 9: Use olive oil as a dressing or cook with it, and add avocados to your toast or salads for an extra dose of heart-healthy fats.

Boost Your Omega 3 with Dapear Natural Omega-3 Fish Oil Softgel Capsules

One of the easiest ways to ensure you're getting enough Omega 3 is by taking a supplement. I highly recommend Dapear Natural Omega-3 Fish Oil Softgel Capsules, which are sourced from premium salmon fish. These capsules provide you with a high-quality dose of Omega 3 fatty acids, helping to reduce inflammation, support heart health, and improve cognitive function.

Taking one or two softgel capsules a day can make a big difference in your overall health—especially if you’re not able to get enough Omega 3 from your diet alone.

👉 Shop Dapear Natural Omega-3 Fish Oil Softgel Capsules here: Dapear Omega3 Fish Oil SoftGel Capsule. Give your body the nutrients it deserves!

The Power of Balance

Remember, it’s not just about focusing on one type of fat—it's about balance. Each fatty acid plays a unique role in your body, and together they help you maintain optimal health. By incorporating a mix of MCTs, Omega 3, Omega 6, and Omega 9 into your diet, you’ll be supporting everything from your heart to your brain.

Book Recommendations

If you’re interested in diving deeper into the science of fats, nutrition, and how to eat for optimal health, here are a few excellent book recommendations:

“The Omega-3 Effect” by William Sears and James Sears This book dives into the benefits of Omega 3s for your heart, brain, and overall health. It’s a great resource for understanding how to incorporate these essential fats into your lifestyle for long-term wellness.

“Eat Fat, Get Thin” by Dr. Mark Hyman Dr. Hyman challenges the traditional notions of fats and explains how healthy fats are essential for weight loss and overall health. This book provides practical advice on how to include the right fats in your diet.

“The Big Fat Surprise: Why Butter, Meat & Cheese Belong in a Healthy Diet” by Nina Teicholz A groundbreaking look at how we’ve been misled about fats and how including certain fats, like Omega 3 and Omega 9, can actually improve health. Perfect for those who want a deep dive into the science of nutrition.

“Fats that Heal, Fats that Kill” by Udo Erasmus This book is a must-read for anyone interested in understanding the different types of fats and their effects on the body. Udo Erasmus covers the good, the bad, and the essential fats in a way that’s easy to understand for both beginners and health enthusiasts.

“The Bulletproof Diet” by Dave Asprey Focusing on MCTs and the power of fat for fueling the brain, this book will give you insights into how incorporating healthy fats can lead to increased energy and better mental performance.

Final Thoughts

Essential fatty acids are, quite literally, essential to your well-being. Whether you're looking to boost your energy, protect your heart, or support cognitive function, the right fats can make all the difference. So, start paying attention to the fats you’re consuming, and aim for a well-rounded intake of these vital nutrients.

[kandadiff]

Taste of Venom : The Week Leading Up

~ ~ ~ ~

~ Makayla ~

Not necessarily versed in confrontation and really not sure what to do, Makayla didn't want to pretend she didn't see what she saw yesterday. But while their house was big, Makayla couldn't avoid him forever and he would notice her acting strangely towards him. He always did. But she couldn't tell with him...

To avoid that she decided to take her niece off of her sisters hand (Which Jasmina was grateful for - given her rough pregnancy). Rio was noticeably softer when children were around, plus either he would be out of the house with business (he never did it with children in the house) or he wouldn't notice her mood towards him. She would use all her energy on her niece, Renee.

She picked the 4 year old up early Tuesday morning - unable to sleep much after seeing Rio's indiscretion and spent the morning with the girl playing with dolls, cooking breakfast, playing in the yard and baking desert for later. The smiles and laughter of Renee was almost enough to keep the dark cloud that loomed over her at bay - the thought of Makayla having her own child crossing her mind. She had wanted that with Rio but now...

Renee was watching the princess and the frog eating a snack while Makayla started to clean up the toys left over the living room floor when they heard the door open.

"Honey," She heard his deep gravel voice ring out into the house and her heart dropped. "I'm home!" Makayla sighed heavily but placed a small smile on her face, his signature smirk greeting her as he turned to her. "Sorry, I'm home so late-"

"Uncle Rio!" Renee shot up from her spot, grapes spilling on the floor as the girl rushed over to Rio.

His face instantly softened "hey Renee!" He lifted her in his arms and twirled her around. Her shrieks of laughter causing a part if Makayla to want to forgive him for just that, the love he had for Renee. "Why didn't you tell me little R was coming?"

Makayla shrugged "Jasmina was having a hard time so I went to get her. Is that a problem?"

"Of course not. She still owes me another Mario Kart battle." He said , the little girl agreed saying she wanted to play after the pool and he absolutely had to go into the pool with them and that she was going to change into her bathing suit, leaving the two adults in the living room. He smiled pulling Makayla to him. She resisted and he stopped. He moved her long locks from her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she lied not looking at him - instead making herself busy by putting away Renee's toys. "Just a bit hot-" Rio looked at the AC that was turned all the way up but didn't say anything. He instead pressed a kiss to her cool forehead. "Um- did you eat? I cooked."

He shook his head and she motioned for him to sit down. She gathered a plate of food for him and heated it. She knew he recognized her standoffishness but she wasn't ready to answer any questions. She didn't have an answer herself... she wasn't sure what she was going to do and she didn't want to make a decision - not until Saturday like the note said.

"Auntie!" Renee raced back into the room, now clad in her swimsuit and floats ready to swim, until she tripped over her sandals and landed on her palms. She began to cry until Makayla instantly rushed to her.

"Hey, are you okay?" her voice was gentle and sweet. Renee sniffed and nodded as Makayla wiped her palms. "Does it hurt?" The little girl fronted but shook her head and Makayla kissed both her palm anyway. "Thats good! Now, are you ready to swim? I bought a unicorn float for you, wanna go see it?" A smile broke out on Renee's face. "Okay go get the towels." The little girl nodded moving towards the bathroom.

Makayla looked toward Rio and noticed he was staring at her, a smile on his face. She cocked an eyebrow and he chuckled. "Why haven't I married you yet, Mickey?" She opened her mouth to speak but he held his hand up to stop her. "Just know its coming," He stood up moving his way over to her. She opened her mouth to protest but he took her face in his.

He smothered her words with a kiss and she hated how she was caught between kissing back and pushing him away. So she didn't kiss back but he didn't seem to notice. He deepened the kiss and one of his hands wandered to the belt that held her dress together, She reached for his hand stopping him.

"ewwww" Renee squealed and they pulled away seeing the girl with a scrunched face and three towels in her hand.

Rio pulled away laughing. "This is what adults to when they are in love." He said squeezing Makayla to him moving toward Renee, lifting her up. "And I love your auntie. Now let's go swimming." He moved to the backyard with her in hand and Makayla sighed.

~ Kay ~

I heard the door open behind me and casting a quick glance to the mirror, I saw Simon in the threshold of the room. I ignored him, not turning back. I had been in my room for two days. Yesterday, Negan did try and visit to talk and it ended screaming and me throwing heel after heel until he left. Now, my anger had dissipated into depression. I was angry with myself and angry at him and angry at the world and whoever wrote the note for reading the situation so well. Simon called my name but I didn't bother responding. Truth was I did love Negan in my own way and I didn't want to hate him. But he was making it so hard and I was in no mood for his second in command to try and convince me of Negan's good intentions.

"Kid," he called out. "I see your reflection. I know you awake."

"Go away, Simon."

"Your brother is here." He said and I turned towards him. He carefully approached me and undid the locks on my wrists. "Hes waiting for you in the living room."

~

It wasn't just Robin that greeted me in the living room. Joker sat in a nearby chair, twisting his cane while Jerome stood admiring the large backyard of the mansion and Negan stood in the middle of the living room chatting with his old friend. Robin greeted me first, Jerome going to hug me and J giving me a curt nod.

"Do you have a place we can speak privately?" J asked looking around and stretching acting as though it was an afterthought. "You know, just me, you and the kids." Negan lead us until the meeting room, the exact meeting room I caught him fucking one of his whores just two nights ago. I could barely look at him as we took a seat. Once we were all settled, I asked what was wrong.

J looked around and his eyes settled on me "Well, my darling daughter, Robin informed me you might want to know this information." I looked at Robin who rolled his eyes. "Your brother is back and you sweet Ace are a target."

"My brother?" I looked at the two next to me and thought for a moment.

"Jeremy." Robin clarified and my heart sunk. Terrible, violent and intelligent twin of Jerome was back. He had runaway from J's care but not before making all of us the victims of his experimentations and hostility growing up. He antagonized all of us but especially Jerome, who's fragile mental state I was worried for. . "He resurfaced and anyone associated with J is a target."

~ Katya ~

It had been two days since Taehyung had been home. Katya didn't know what was worse, the dread of him coming home or the loneliness that filled the big empty house until he did. She loved her dog, Pongo but she needed a person to talk too.

Even V knew that, what's why when a of the woman of the gang knocked at her door on Wednesday she knew that V would be gone for a few more days. She hated them almost even worse then the loneliness. Their faces plastered with makeup and fake smiles, trying to pretend they weren't just as miserable as she was. They judged her house, though a maid every few days made sure it was spotless, they judged her hair, her clothing and the fact that she couldn't pretend she was happy with how her life turned out.

"Good morning Katya!" Chaerin smiled kissing Katya on both her cheeks while a small group of woman followed their leader into her house.

"Oh is it morning?" Katya shrugged looking out at the blue sky before closing the door. "It was afternoon when I passed out yesterday." The girls looked at Chaerin and Katya inwardly chuckled. She loved messing with them ... after all what else was she supposed to do?

Chaerin brought ordered food to her house and she was forced to set the table for guest she didn't want. At least there was wine. Katya made herself conformable with the wine at the table, tuning in and out while the ladies spoke to each other. They gossiped about celebrities, the latest Netflix show and fashion don't regarding other woman in the Red Dragons. Katya was nearly two bottles in when she heard one of the girls finally say something to catch her attention.

"I heard during the party." Jisoo leaned in as though it wasn't just them in the home. "Someone was killed, and thats why they cut it off early."

"Early?" Minzy chuckled. "You passed out as soon as we got into the car."

"Who?" Katya asked surprising the rest of the girls. Normally she stayed quiet when they visited.

"At that tacky party Negan through for his whore- I mean girlfriend." Irene smirked. "Someone was murdered there- two people."

"But who?"

"No one knows," Chaerin shrugged. "G wants to throw something at the Red Room to find out. Hes inviting the saviors." The note flashed in Katya's mind and before Jisoo could comment on that she interrupted her.

"Will we all be invited?"

Chaerin shrugged then thought for a moment and nodded. "I guess so." She smiled sympathetically. "Are you worried about Kay? I remember shes your friend right? She seems fine, I mean it wasn't her that was killed."

"Should we be so lucky." Irene sighed taking a deep sip from her glass of wine. Katya shot her a look.

"Please, if she died. G would be the first one that old man would target." Jisoo scrunched her face. "After she broke up with TOP and slept with G's father to ensure an alliance, he hates her-"

"Thats not true." Katya clarified but they ignored her - like they usually did.

"No he hated her before that." Minzy shook her head. "She made G broke up with that dead girl.. what was her name? Adrianna? Aliana?"

"Adi." Chaerin corrected.

"Another whore." Irene laughed.

"Her name is Arianna." Katya spat out. "and if your going to be badmouthing a dead girl then you can get the fuck out of my house."

"Relax." Jisoo raised her hands.

"You're house?" Irene scoffed.

"Yes, my house. I own half this fucking thing and I want you all out. Now!" She pushed the table forward causing the contents to shake and the cups to lurch forward and spill on the woman and floor. "Get the fuck out of my house!"

~ ~ ~

[jonathankatwhatever]

I’m having trouble getting a signal. Are you traveling? It feels like that. I guess I’ll shower. I expected more work after this morning’s breakthrough. It’s 16 Oct 2023.

—————

Oh.

I just tried something. I looked at a live image of a plane. It’s a connection. I need to work. Let’s see what happens. I’m standing up because I have excess unfocused energy. My hands are very cold, which is not a good sign because it’s almost 60 out. I’ll put the keyboard on a book to lift my wrists from the counter, which is too low for comfortable typing anyway.

I was dancing around using my increasing knee flexibility and suddenly there you are in me because there’s a connection in the way that dance is permutations of movement potential and developing range of motion is expanding the permutation potential. And that brings together a ton of old thoughts, like the image of an old woman shaking her walker forward with her arms because that’s the only permutation available to her.

I’m being overwhelmed.

——————-

I’m finally getting the permutation problem. It’s becoming about the level at which permutation occurs. I think that’s because - and you can quote me because I’m doing the typing - I think in the lowest level terms. Or try to. Or rather, I think loosely and this requires more care in labeling.

I tend to work in 1Space, meaning I count szK steps as 1 or 2 and other integer ways, not as root2. It’s a rational space in more ways than being integers because the rationality in it, meaning the integers of the Wheel, top and bottom, are containers for all the process attached. Thus the Is & Not calculus form.

This means I typically think in Triangular and Hexagonal and the reason is that grid squares is amplitude within a potential and iterations within that potential, which of course translates into basis, are thus probabilities based in the permutations available. That then connects to Storyline as metaphoric gs construction, meaning stories follow pathways that exist within the context within the context, etc. Externality, the Inmanation of connection to other Things in D3-4//4-3 Space, acts to cut off and renormalize so the gap created by the infinite process fills 0-1-0.

The deeper meaning of that, a deeper meaning, is that 0-1-0 fills across to make a form of continuity for finite existence, purpose, and context, and it fills into the process so the 1 is an accurate enough representation as the process continues. That’s ideal. In most cases, people put up excuses and ignore that they’re excuses. In other words, we just isolated that basic process of self-lying and lying to others. I mean the mechanics of course.

That has turned me into a twisty doll: some really deep and tight moves I couldn’t reach not long ago. I need to wear this as a signpost before my eyes: permutations are grid squares constructions.

—————-

Most extraordinary experience. I decided to look in the mirror since I was cleaning out the shower drain, and those come together at hair, either picked up or dissolved by bleach or examined and perhaps cut off my head. I found a few spots where, if I accepted what was in the mirror, I should cut to bring out the best in what was in the mirror. I did that. Not even a handful in total. Then I looked at myself with glasses, without and then holding up one lens so I could see myself without, using a hand mirror with the wall one. I then looked in the mirror and realized this is what I actually look like. He said hello to me. Said aren’t you surprised? It’s me! I finally see him. I’ve been trying to do this my entire life. I spoke to him in the mirror and he was exactly like I imagined, though a bit tired around the eyes.

In math, this means an Attachment, a 1-0Segmenting has and is occurring. The reason I say that is I can’t see myself unless you can see yourself because I can’t get that deep into me without Alternation. Think: this must be a series of finite levels or rings within a larger process, and that process connects to infinite process, same logic as been using, and there’s always Alternation because that’s 1Space sparking which is or becomes ideal, which can be idealized, which is like going into a tube of surf, and every other metaphor for the momentary feeling of connection.

That’s an essential part of violence, too. Is this coming from you? The idea of male on male violence of the victor, is like that of the prey you respect for feeding you, like the Disney circle of life without the being ripped apart. The brotherhood of those who beat on each other. Rah! It feels so good to deliver that big hit on another person, to really take them down. No wonder men hit women and children. No wonder athletes are so prone to hitting women. Dominance and submission are both roles. In other words, that moment of connection is Triangular and forms an fD which connects say you to the one you hit, and to the sides are what you ‘worship’, the good qualities in one and the bad in the other. That’s also then a gs, and you can see why: the relationship End to End over the dividing 1-0Segment is back and forth in Triangular, and gs expresses that back and forth as the amplitude space of both perspectives, of the 2 HG, etc.

That was cool.

So there is that 1Space joy in hacking a person to death, whether in a simulation or in real life. Drew it out above. It’s inherent in certain activities.

——————

Seem to have shifted to some logical issues. Notably Peano arithmetic. That translates easily, but there’s a difficulty in the mapping in my head to ordinals. We generate ordinals as sK to zK, and the ordering is then apparent. There’s a bit missing in my head, but I assume it will show up.

Need sleep. Waiting for the cat to do his thing.

[tetrisfinished]

esa's potty training adventures - attempt 92734872348732

disclaimer: there is nothing wild about this - it's tiring and tedious and a lot of work and tough lol so i've momentarily given up.

so i've been psuedo "trying" to potty train esa for the past year now. i've been trying to have him sit on the potty, trying to get him to tell me when he needs to go, etc.

the title and the above were the post i had begun about a week and a half ago. but tonight, just under 2 weeks later, i can say...thank god for my mother.

she came, i took my days off, and we took off the diaper. specifically from saturday feb 25th, i took the step of taking the diaper off esa. that day was full of accidents. i started messy and ended the day feeling dejected. it was no fun.

sunday was A LOT better; very few accidents and we managed to catch it all on time.

monday and tuesday i was off; and once again...monday was rough.

tuesday again got a bit better and then my mother dsecided to come back on wednesday (she had to momentarily go back on the 28th to pick up my sister from the airport) and we resumed.

by the end of wednesday i had just about had enough of the constant feeling of not being clean, cleaning up, 110% focusing my energy on every single move that esa made and winding myself up in my own head.

so thursday morning, after many conversations with my daycare, i sent esa back to daycare. i packed 4 pairs of outifts, 3 extra shoes, 4 pairs of socks, 4 pairs of underwear, and a full pack of pull-ups. and i decided with the daycare to proceed with the 3-strike plan - 3 accidents in a row meant back to pull-ups.

and esa didn't have even one accident. even the times that we had decided he would be in his pull-up (during nap and before going outside) - even during those times, he kept his diaper dry.

today he came back from preschool with a little certificate of excellence in potty training.

before i gush, i would like to make it clear - it was a LOT of effort....on my the part of my mother. my mother did SO MUCH. my husband was not around on the weekend (did nothing) and happened to catch the one week when he had to go into the office for work so that was wonderful.

but that certificate. even though it's only that he's keeping his underwear dry, even though he's not doing poo, even though he's not telling to go to the potty when he needs....despite all of that. it's one of the biggest achievements i feel like i've had in my own lifetime.

which as i write it out, it feels like i'm wrong to even think this. it is not my achievement. i shouldn't take that away from my kid. it is actually in truth HIS effort. his almost 3-year-old brain is figuring out the world and i couldn't be more proud. if i could turn on a faucet of my gushing, it would just go on and on.

my kid is doing it, he's doing the growing up thing. i'm so incredibly proud of him. i'm so incredibly melancholy for me. it is of course bittersweet.

anyway, if i keep writing i will not only be gushing in this post, i will also be gushing (*read: straight up bawling) in bed where i'm writing this currently.

so i'm calling it.

it's amazing how well the brain compartmentalizes everything isn't it? on the one hand, i'm having probably the toughest time ever in my marriage (today is our 6th wedding anniversary, no less) and here on the other i can't stop thinking about that little certificate that i have half a mind to frame right now.

but that marriage trip for another day. i'm going to stop now.

good night!

much love,

-k

[unschoolhome]

When Plans Ruin Everything

I knew it was too much before I even got out of bed. But I snuggled Z and started the motor of my brain and made the pancakes and kept doing things the way I always do.

And was fought almost every step of the way.

X and Z had long emotional resistances this morning (multiple for Z). Everyone complained about helping fold laundry (despite having no clothes in their drawers upon waking this morning). All X and Y wanted to do this morning was make rows and shapes of dominoes and knock them down. This feels worthless. Beneath them. A waste of time and energy.

I felt angry, resentful, unheard, on the back foot.

Then I start thinking:

- All you do is play all day and I have to work, work, work for everyone else (chores). - Morning time is work time, why are you refusing to be productive during the time of day specifically reserved for maximum productivity? - I’m doing it wrong, I’m failing according to such and such standards. I feel so guilty and panicked that this is all wrong and there will be massive negative consequences.

I react to my feelings and inner monologue by disrupting what they are doing. I sever the many-tendriled, curling, flowering flow of the day with the snipping reminders of the to-do list. I honestly cringe hearing myself.

Guess what. It doesn’t go that well.

I end up feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by their dependence on me, their bad attitudes, and their lack of productivity.

Whereas before I interrupted, everyone was meaningfully engaged and cheerful. When I am less available, they are more independent.

This is a pattern I want to break. Here are my tools:

1. Recall what they are doing, will do, have done.

Just because it isn’t happening from 9-noon doesn’t mean it won’t (or hasn’t already) happened. We do most of our schoolwork 12:30-2pm, at breakfast, at dinner, afternoons, even before bedtime.

2. Think about what other education is actually like.

Is it better in school right now? If those kids are getting more academics, what are they exchanging? Less sunshine, less creative time, less conversation, less movement. Not worth it.

3. Do what I want to do.

If I want to be productive in the morning, I should do that. Clean bathrooms, cut up vegetables, put in laundry. Especially if the kids are meaningfully engaged, I can just get on with it. Does that feel good to me? Would I like to do something else with my time? If so, do that. No martyrs here.

4. Require less, invite more.

When the kids are interested, they engage. Relentlessly. If they aren’t entering into the study, it’s not interesting enough or it’s not the right fit for right now. Change things up and they will bring the energy.

5. Breaks are necessary.

I don’t care if we skip our read aloud for a few days, or pause a summer history study when other things are going on. We just pick it back up when we have time. Same should go for academic works. When it’s a priority, we’ll do it. Until then, rest is okay for absorption.

6. Give requirements clock times.

At 11:30, we are all going to stop what we’re doing and fold laundry. Let them manage their own time.

7. Do less. 

Allow time for spontaneity each day by scheduling way less. It’s okay if the board is not full - we will come up with something. Even boredom is not something to be afraid of. (Even though I am, I really am.)

8. Who is it for?

Who is this education for? Is it for the public, the government, the lawmakers, the future? Is it for the child, for my edification, for an experiment? A strengths-based education is going to feel lopsided at times (and I really do get sick of my kids interests and proclivities). But who is it for? And if they were in school, would they be eagerly absorbing everything equally or just getting through some classes any way they could and finding subversive ways to carve time for their true interests (like I did)?

9. I’m not in charge.

This year it has really hit home that I am not in charge. The kids have personalities, talents, interests, and developmental patterns that are inherent. I want to amplify their voices, not shut them down. I have influence, but they are sovereign. And, see #1, I am making sure they get lots of skills work outside their particular interests and proclivities. So I use my limited power for their best benefit and they ultimately have to take it somewhere.

10. I am learning.

Growth, change. Not just for kids. Every day brings new lessons and new chances for me too. Today I saw that there isn’t enough time for everything and I am the one interrupting some of the learning going on. It’s not about avoiding conflict or making everyone happy or justifying my choices. It’s about getting closer to who I want to be and how I want to live - all possible ways of which are imperfect.

When I feel the same old pitfall coming on - when I can see it out my windshield - please God help me try a new direction, even off the beaten path. It may be scary but this is our one precious life. Risks must be taken.

And grace given. Today was still full of goodness.