#It’s 3:30 am and I’ve had continuous art block so what do we do?

[sope-and-shine]

The Right of a King: Pt. 1

-> SFW // Soulmate!AU // fluff, angst // mummy!Namjoon -> Pairing: Namjoon x Reader -> Word Count: 15.1k  -> Summary: Life as the night guard for your local high-end museum was supposed to be simple and easy. The most dangerous part of your job was only supposed to be the middle-aged patrons who insisted they get a discount for a line being too long. Nowhere in your contract did it say you’d be taking care of a 1,000 year old king that had been mummified. Thankfully, for you he’s harmless, but the storm that comes with him is not as welcoming. -> Warning(s): mild language, brief crude humor, Namjoon is kind of a jerk but he gets better...kinda, also a bit of a misogynist, technology abuse RIP the museum equipment, Jimin IS that salesman that uses his charm to steal your money - but will anyone complain? no.  

A/N: This whole fic is a BEAST i sWEAR! I am however really excited to share this fic with everyone! This was originally for a collab that never got to happen -RIP - but I liked the idea too much to just throw her away!

I do want to give a huge shout out to @sakuraguks-main​ for beta reading this as well as my squad for their constant encouragement throughout the writing process.

Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to writing part 2 

Masterlist

* * *

“Just the lunch box and the banana milk this time?” 

“Uh…” You look up from your wallet to view your items on the counter. It was just one prepackaged lunch and a few banana milks, much less than you usually buy on your routine dinner stop. You don’t want to buy too much, but you’d need something for later in the morning too. 

You settle for grabbing a few bags of chips off the rack next to you and set them on the counter, “I’ll take those too.”  

He nods and rings them up, bagging them while you pay with your card. He grabs your receipt and tucks it in the bag, handing them to you as you slide your wallet back into your bag, “Have a good evening, (Y/n)!”

You nod, “Thank you! See you tomorrow, Gyu!” You wave to him as you exit the convenience store and step back into the bustling city.  

Stopping for food is always a must for you before every shift with it being smack in the middle of your route. If you were to spend 10:00p.m. to 8a.m. by yourself with no food, you would probably go insane. It wasn’t like you couldn’t bring them from home, but it was much more convenient to stop on your way there. Occasionally, you’ll attempt to pull back on your snack intake, but Gyu never makes it easy on you when you do. He just makes it another typical day for you.

Wake up at 2:30, take a shower, do your school work, get ready for work, leave the house, stop to buy food from Gyu, and then arrive at the grand entrance to the Seoul Museum of History and Art.

The building itself is 4 stories high - not including the lower level storage it sits on top of - and 1 city block in length and width. It’s exterior is grand and extravagant with 3 large pillars that encase the 4 doorways that lead into the lobby. A large staircase greets you at the sidewalk, flower beds decorating the front along the brick railing on either side of the stairs. You never take the stairs on your way in, choosing to take the ramp hidden in the flowers up to the entrance instead. You’d have enough problems walking around the entire museum, adding more stairs to the mix would only ruin your mood.

Thankfully, Jin is always there to greet you on your way in. He never fails to brighten your day when you see him. Dressed sharp in a white button down tucked into fitted black dress pants with a grey suit jacket on top, he stands with his hands together in front of him and a large welcoming smile. His hair is parted just off center, not losing shape even as he nods to the patron in front of him.

You wait for him to finish his conversation before you greet him, “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Worldwide Handsome himself.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” Jin chuckles. He lets his shoulders relax, moving his neck from side to side before looking at his watch. He looks impressed, “Wow, you’re earlier than usual.”

You shrug, “Yeah, Hoseok said he needed to talk to me about the exhibit pieces that are coming in.” 

“Say no more,” Jin raises his hands in front of him and shakes his head, “I’ve heard all I need to.”

“Yeah, I know how you feel,” You laugh. You shake your head and sigh, “I should get going so I can get ready to clear the last minute rush.”

“Don’t work too hard, night guard.” He gives you a mock salute and you turn away, waving goodbye to him as you continue down the corridor into a sea of people.

Most people would think a museum wouldn’t be so popular, but your crowds never seemed to dwindle. You suppose you’d have Yoongi to thank for that. He ran the museum so smoothly it was almost like clockwork. Doors opened at 9 and they closed at 9, new exhibits rotate in and out every 7 ½ months to the day, and employees were put through severe background checks and training just to make sure they’d be competent enough to work in his museum. Everyone that works in the museum was handpicked by Yoongi himself, and everyone chosen contributes everything they have to be here.

You pass by the gift shop, spying Jimin at the counter helping a few kids pick out candies. He notices you passing and smiles, giving you a quick wave that you return before he gives his attention to the children in front of him.

You continue on down the hall, passing the cafe and the restrooms. The walls begin to lose their decor the farther you go, becoming planer and planer until you reach the break room doors. 

“He was like, ‘do you think toys for cavemen were any different from present day? Like that shit must be wild bro’ and then they all started laughing at me when I said they didn’t have a Toys R Us, so yeah, they were different from now.” Jeongguk says as you enter the room. His impeccable timing for ‘strange conversation’ never ceases to amaze you every time you walk through the door.

Jeongguk’s a great guy, always very respectful and eager to learn more, but he’s been working as a tour guide in the museum for about a year now and he still hasn’t seemed to pick up on anything. You’re pretty sure Yoongi only hired him to keep the single ladies coming back. It was hard to correct someone with such a cute, bunny smile and such remarkable enthusiasm in the work place.

“Do you think it was an inside joke?” He proceeds to ask, his attention trained on Johnny who stands at the locker to the right of yours.

The man in question can’t stop himself from giving the younger a disappointed frown, “Dude...you’re the joke…”

Jeongguk tilts his head in confusion and you jump into the conversation, “I’m sure they’re just being teenagers, Guk. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” You turn to briefly glare at your locker mate as you open it, turning your frown into a smile when you face Jeongguk again, “Tomorrow is another day!”

“You’re right!” He closes his locker and throws his bag over his shoulder, his confidence already returning, “I’ll learn everything I can about cavemen toys and come back tomorrow prepared to tell all of my tours about them!”

He leaves before you can say anything back, off to do whatever it is he usually does after work. You don’t mind though, it’s a little hard to understand the college sophomore anyways. At least with him leaving you can relax before your shift starts.

Johnny sighs next to you, “You mother him too much.”

“I don’t mother him. I just don’t want to explain to him what they’re actually talking about.” You argue, placing your bags on the hooks in your locker. You take off your overcoat and replace it with your black security jacket, fixing the collar, “Besides, he’ll figure it out by this weekend and then he won’t make eye contact with either one of us for the next week.”

“Whatever you say.” He pulls out a lint roller and hands it to you before closing his locker, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Waving behind you with the roller in hand, you say, “Have a good night!” You hear the door open and close behind you, leaving you alone in the room to sort yourself out. 

You make quick work to de-lint your black work pants, setting the roller at the top of your locker. Then you take the bags you set down and pull them over to the table at the center of the room, leaving your locker open while you take out your food to be refrigerated. When you have everything you need, you place the leftover snacks back on the hook and shut the door. 

The door opens on your way to the fridge, Hoseok walking in with a folder in his hands. He looks up from whatever he’s reading and his eyes widen in surprise, “You’re here!”

You open the fridge, “Yeah, you told me to come in a little early.” You set your bag on the top shelf, close the door, and turn to him, “You wanted to talk to me about tomorrow?”

“Right.” He approaches the table and sets his stuff down, sorting through a few papers before he pulls one from his stack. He extends it to you,  “This is all the information about who we’ll be meeting with tomorrow. It has times, names, and a manifest.”

“Everything is the same from the texts you sent me, right?” You ask, eyes skimming over the sheet for anything new.

“Yes! Each artifact was individually packed, so we should only have 12 new pieces coming in tomorrow.” 

“Okay, so we just need to keep an eye on what they bring in.” You say, more to yourself than to him. You take a moment to let the information sink in, nodding in understanding when you’re sure you have it all down. You look back up to Hoseok who’s already discarding his security jacket, “Did you have any luck on new night guard help?”

“Ah-...no,” Hoseok sets his jacket over the back of the chair in front of him. He’d been searching for new help ever since Chanyeol left, leaving you to run the night shift alone. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t ideal for a museum in the middle of the city. You knew that and so did Hoseok. “I’ve been working on it, but it’s been hard with the new arrivals. Besides, you know how Yoongi is when he’s hiring new employees.”

You nod, knowing exactly how anal the museum director could truly be, “Yeah, I know. Just keep me updated though?” 

You don’t really mind working by yourself, but you could only go so many days without a single day off. Thankfully, Hoseok was understanding of this, “I will! I’ll work something out, I promise!”

“Thank you,” You smile. You grab your bag off the table and hoist it over your shoulder, “I’m gonna go clock in and see about ushering the night crowd out.” 

“Hyuk should be starting on level 1.” He informs you. 

“I’ll take level 4 then.” You bid Hoseok goodbye and head across the hall to the security room, setting your stuff down in your chair and clocking in at the main computer. You take a moment to check the camera’s, looking for the most populated areas to look out for and which exhibits you could close as you go through.

This was something you did everyday. You’d find the unpopulated areas first so you could sweep the rooms and lock the exhibits behind you. One by one, you make sure to clear the floor before you move to the next level.

The third level is much busier than the other levels, having had the most change to it’s layout since the new exhibit was brought in 2 weeks prior. Families make their way to the stairs while couples try to catch one last look at exhibits they missed in favor for another.

Walking into the Ancient Dynasties Exhibit, you nod to the partons that you pass on their way out, stopping by the occasional straggler to let them know it’s time to go. You rarely ever have problems with getting someone to leave - maybe once or twice you’ve had to get physical with someone or call the police to escort them out of the museum - but the number of times is so small you could count them on one hand. There’s only one person you have to repeatedly kick out of the exhibit, and he’s worse than any patron you’ve ever dealt with.

“Taehyung, I need you to leave.” You tell him, approaching him from behind. His green, 3 piece suit is only slightly wrinkled from his work throughout the day, his jacket discarded and set off to his side.

The bubbly curator turns his head over his shoulder, dirty blonde locks still kept in a perfect side-sweep thanks to his “very essential” hair gel. His smile is almost a tease as he says, “Just a few more minutes.”

You cross your arms and sigh, “I’m counting.”

The saying “Just a few more minutes” has lost all meaning with Taehyung. You haven’t believed him since your third day of working together. He’s never been good at leaving his exhibits, wanting to take pride in his work. Despite having the ability to take pictures of the area as it’s curator, he insists on committing them all to memory. In hindsight, it’s very endearing. However, his wants tend to put you behind your own schedule.

He turns back around and you take a seat next to him on the bench. You take an obligatory look around the section he sits in, glancing over each artifact that decorates the walls. From tapestries or writing displays that hang on the walls, to small podiums with items far more fragile encased in glass. In front of you - roped off and on a placed on a small stage - is a large sarcophagus covered in gold with two lit candle placed beside it. Behind it is a wall of flowers, all apparently favorites from when the King was alive. 

“Have I told you about Namjoon hyung?” He asks, referencing the mummy in front of you.

King Kim Namjoon of the Kim Dynasty. The only king of Korea to be mummified. Of all the exhibits you’ve been through with Taehyung, this one was his favorite. You could really say he’s obsessed with the dead King! Even with 6 more exhibits to his name. Taehyung spent almost all of his time in this section.

“I think I could talk about this guy in my sleep!” You laugh, nudging his side playfully, “And should you really be calling him ‘hyung’? If anything, he’s an ‘ahjussi’ to you.”

“Yes, but I know so much about him that he feels like a hyung to me!” He argues with a certain admiration in his eyes, “I’ve spent years waiting for this moment to have him in one of my exhibits, and now he’s right at my fingertips!”

He really isn’t exaggerating either. Before the king arrived, Taehyung would show you continuous updates about his uncovering and the updates on how his body was kept. The day his exhibit was approved, you thought he was going to explode. Of all the curators and all of the possible museums, he got King Namjoon. Anyone who didn’t know would’ve thought he won the lottery. In a way, he did.

“His exhibit here is a permanent one, Tae. He’s not going anywhere, so you don’t have to worry about him leaving anytime soon.” You assure him, placing a hand on his arm. Your smile turns into a grin, “What I am worried about is you leaving soon. Get out of my museum before I go find Yoongi.”

“I’m not afraid of Yoongi.” You raise an eyebrow at him and his shoulders drop, “Okay, so maybe I’m terrified of Yoongi, but that’s not important right now!”

You give his shoulder a light nudge, “Go home, Taehyung. The rest of your hyung will be here tomorrow.” You tease.

He sighs and leans his head back, “You say that like he didn’t arrive all put together. He’s a mummy, not Frankenstein.”

You hit his arm, “Get out of here.”

“Okay!” He stands up and turns to you with a boxy grin, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t work too hard.”

“I never do.” You wave him off, watching him saunter out of the exhibit with a little jump in his step. Even after 14 hours on the clock of rounding the museum to look at his works, he’s still running like he just woke up. Some days you wish you could be as happy with your job as Taehyung is, but how many people truly loved working the night shift in a dark, quiet museum?

* * *

“Alright, let’s make this fast and efficient everyone!” Yoongi barks, walking up to the loading dock where you and Hoseok stand on opposite sides of the doors. He eyes the unloading crew unlocking the truck and sends them a warning glare, “It’s a full moon tonight, and I will not be out at 3am like last time.”

“You need to relax, Yoongi,” Hoseok warns him, still standing across from you, “It’s just a few small pieces and then we’ll be out of here before your ‘witching hour’ is here.”

Hoseok wiggles his fingers for a “spooky emphasis” and you stifle a chuckle. Yoongi is not as amused, “Laugh all you want, but at least I won’t be dead.”

“Is that a threat? Can I file an HR complaint?” Hoseok asks.

Yoongi sighs, “Just do your job while they unload so we can leave.”

You offer a teasing grin and a nod, “Yes sir~”

Yoongi walks away and Taehyung replaces him, standing next to you instead of in the way of the workers. He rolls back and forth on his feet, watching happily as if he were a child at Christmas.

“Did I tell you what’s coming today?” He asks.

You roll your eyes, “I’m sure you may have mentioned it here or there.”

Of course, you know what was coming in. Your job is to protect it with your life. Hoseok gave you the run down via text on your last 5 shifts and again today as soon as you walked through the doors. More paintings, a chair, a dusty old book, and the shining jewel of the King’s tomb.

“His lover’s necklace!” Taehyung beams, “According to what we know, this necklace was used by the King to find his soulmate. We believe that because he didn’t take a queen, he never found his other half.”

You shrug, “Maybe he wasn’t really looking.”

“Maybe...maybe not. Most historians believe he mummified himself so when fate brings his soulmate to him, he’d wake again and they’d spend eternity together.” He turns to you and flicks your forehead, “You would know if you actually paid attention to me.”

You push him back, “Well, excuse me if I can’t listen to you talk about his majesty for more than 10 minutes a week.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes and turns back to the movers. His annoyance quickly turns to excitement as he catches sight on the last box being carried in, “Is that the necklace?”

“Uh…” The man carrying the box looks at the label on the side, nodding to Taehyung in confirmation, “Yes sir.”

“Oh! Follow me!” Taehyung grabs your arm and pulls you after him. You turn your head back to Hoseok for help but he’s already waving you off while he closes the loading doors. You both follow the crew member to the table where a few other small items are being opened already, waiting long enough for the man to open the box for you. You can’t see the inside of the crate with Taehyung in your way, but he gets the first look at whatever dingy piece of jewelry is inside. He flails in excitement, “Look at this!”

Taehyung rushes forward, pushing the man helping him out of the way to reach into the box. When he turns around, he holds a smaller box in his hand, “It’s right here!”

“That’s another box…” You point out, eyes narrowed in irritation.

“It’s not just another box!” He argues. He undoes the latch and pulls the lid back towards him, revealing the most beautiful necklace you’ve ever seen. A delicate string of silver stones bedazzled with small fuschia gems all laced together with a golden band weaving under and over. It glistens in the shine of the storage room work lights, drawing you in with every hypnotizing twinkle. 

Taehyung smiles knowingly, enjoying your sudden engrossment in the artifact, “Isn’t it gorgeous?”

You nod, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch the delicate jewel. It takes a surprising amount of restraint from you just to pull away, “It’s definitely pretty.”

Yoongi claps his hands from the table beside you, “Let’s get these up to the Ancient Dynasties exhibit and in their places so we can get out of here.”

Everyone takes a box and begins to move upstairs, you and Hoseok helping the men with the old chair to ensure it doesn’t get stuck on anything. With the few items left to be brought into the exhibit, it didn’t take long at all for everything to be settled into their rightful places. 

“Perfect! It’s all perfect!” Taehyung cheers, clapping his hands and squeezing them together. His excitement for this event was unmatched, and you know that in the morning when you see him next, he’ll be bouncing up and down just as he is now.

Hoseok nods to you, “Let’s lock them up.”

“Right.” You pull out your keyring and begin the process of going case to case while Hoseok sets their alarms after you. You make it all the way around the room until you stand in front of the necklace again. It’s beauty draws you in, having never seen something like this before. Many would think it too bulky and busy for someone to wear everyday, but a part of you could see it’s appeal.

A part of you wouldn’t mind wearing it at all. 

Taehyung walks over to where you stand locking the cases and audibly gasps behind you, “Fix it!”

You jump, “Fix what?”

“The necklace! It’s not straight!” He points at the case and you turn your attention back to the object beneath the glass. Staring at with a clearer mind, it is indeed tilted just slightly to the left. If you were to just glance at it, you probably would have never noticed. But nothing could get past a perfectionist like Taehyung, “We have to fix it now!”

“Okay!” To appease the overly attentive curator, you unlock the case and adjust the necklace yourself. You pull the delicate string of stone and gem into place, locking it back up when you’re done. It glimmers in the corner of your eye as you turn back to Taehyung, “Better?”

He grins, knowing fully well that you’re more than annoyed with him, “Perfect.”

“Alright, now that we’re all done, everyone needs to leave so I can go home.” Yoongi announces.

Hoseok chuckles, “You really don’t want to be up past midnight do you?”

“I don’t care about being up past midnight. I don’t want to be out past midnight.” The older man grumbles, most likely cursing the other in the back of his mind, “There’s a difference.”

“Sure there is.” Hoseok teases, making Yoongi glare at him even harder than before. He turns to the movers and waves for them to follow him, “Gentlemen, let me show you back to your truck. We wouldn’t want the grump over here to bite your head off.”

The group follows after Hoseok and so does Yoongi, “You’re so lucky you’re my friend, Hoseok, or I would fire you so fast.”

Hoseok only laughs at his loose threat, “Well, if you’d like to take the bus then be my guest.”

They all leave the exhibit and you turn to Taehyung who still stands in front of the case admiring the necklace inside, “So, I’ll see you early tomorrow, Tae?”

He turns back to you and gives you a large, reassuring smile, “Bright and early.” 

“Go and get some rest for your big day then.” You say, placing a hand on his back and nudging him towards the door.

You watch him leave the exhibit, laughing at the way he dances to the music playing in his head. You take the responsibility of closing the gate, glancing over the exhibits contents between the bars before following Taehyung yourself. You say goodbye to Yoongi and Hoseok at the front door, ensuring the door gets locked behind them before getting to your own duties that were halted because of the shipment.

---

It’s later in the evening when you finally get to make your rounds through the empty halls of the museum. You’d checked every camera in the building twice, filling out your night paperwork as well as the visitor log for Hoseok to look over in the morning as you went. All you really had to do was roam the halls every now and then, keeping an eye on the monitors for anything suspicious.

The night shift was never quite as tiring as the day shift. Your interaction with patrons or real people was always far below what Hoseok and the dayshift would have to deal with - that was part of the reason you chose to take over the night shift. It was a bit more time consuming with just you, but hopefully Hoseok will find someone to replace Chanyeol before the New Year.

You hear a faint bang down the corridor and you pause. You’ve heard bumps like this before, mostly when it would rain and the tree by the ramp outside would hit the window. Rain wasn’t on the forecast for the evening, but that had never stopped it before. Not so easily scared, you continue on down the hall, stopping at the end of the hall when you hear it again.

“What the fuck…?” You say to yourself, a slight shake in your voice. The bang sounds again and you reach for your flashlight, it being the only protection against intruders. 

In the three years you’ve worked as a security guard, you’ve never had a break in. Even before you, there had never once been an attempt by anyone to steal anything. In reality, the alarms should’ve gone off by now if someone had made their way into the museum. That meant that someone was smart enough to get past the security system, or you were going crazy.

You really hope you’re going crazy.

You make your way down the hallway, following the bumps and bangs into the Ancient Dynasties exhibit. The gate is locked - it hasn’t been unlocked since you left the room at midnight - but the noise isn’t one easily mistaken. 

Against your better judgement you unlock the gate, stepping in and leaving the gate cracked behind you. If you needed a quick escape, then you wanted to be able to yank it closed as well. The noises cease as soon as you’re completely past the gate, sending an ominous chill up your spine. At a glance, nothing in the room seems out of place. Nothing looks to have been moved or damaged, but that does little to settle your unease.

“This is normal...everything is normal.” You say to yourself, trying to trick yourself into having the courage to move forward.

You spot the necklace in it’s spot close to the sarcophagus. It’s glass remains intact, just like every other item within the exhibit’s walls. It would make sense for someone to come after it considering it’s value, yet there it remains untouched.

“So where did the banging come fr-Agh!” You scream as the sarcophagus lid bursts open, falling to the floor in front of it and ripping the ropes connected to the wall right out.  

Inside the now open casket, the ancient king covered in tattered, dusty cloth rolls his head. You can see his mouth move from underneath the dirt as he yawns. His arms raise to stretch in front of him, the mummy taking one step out of his box.

You can only stand in shock as you watch what happens in front of you. You had to be dreaming. There was no way you were actually awake witnessing a dead king coming to life in front of you. This had to be some sort of sick joke from Yoongi for calling him short. Maybe Johnny for calling him out in front of that group of fourth graders. Someone has to be messing with you. 

The mummy turns his head to you and your breath hitches. You’ve never wanted to have seen The Mummy so much in one moment than this one, wishing you knew what exactly to do in this situation. You wish your feet would move, but they’re planted so firmly to the ground that they feel more like cement than limbs.

The monster before you takes a step in your direction, and you scream. You will yourself to move back, but you can’t stop yourself from stumbling over your own feet. You trip and land on your bottom, your body not even registering the pain as you attempt to scoot back away from the danger that continues to follow after you.

Every step he takes is another scream that releases from your lungs, your fear getting the best of you. It isn’t until your back hits the large display case that helps to divide the room that you realize you have nowhere else to go. You turn your head away, preparing yourself for whatever is about to come.

But nothing does.

You take a peek at the tall being before you and notice that he’s stopped moving, towering over your cowering form with his head tilted. His mouth opens and sounds come out, but his speech is muffled by the bandages. He seems to realize this though as his bandaged hands fly to his face.

You watch him pat around his face and neck until he finds a loose cloth, pulling it out and beginning the process of unwrapping his face. You watch in horror, unsure if the image before you will haunt you forever or not. To see what’s left of a 1,000 year old decomposed body that’s been “preserved” was something you never thought you would ever have to bear witness to. Hopefully, your therapist for this experience will understand.

If you get that far.

However, you weren’t expecting to see a full head of healthy brown hair appear as he went, nor did you expect to see healthy, tanned skin be freed from the confines as well. Brown eyes meet yours and a smile is uncovered, “Hello.” 

“Hi...” You blink rapidly, hoping if you do it enough times your vision will clear, but the man in front of you still half-covered in gauze doesn’t disappear. You shake your head, “Am I awake?”

“You are as awake as I am.” He says with a pleasant smile.

“That’s not a very reassuring answer...” You can’t help but stare at him in awe and wonder just how this was happening. Of course, Taehyung had told you countless times about this supposed curse or whatever it was, but you thought it was all just a hoax your ancestors believed in. There is no possible way that you are actually awake and experiencing reincarnation or rebirth or whatever this is firsthand.

“Ow!” You feel a pinch on your calf, pulling you from your thoughts and back to the matter at hand. Or more specifically, the person before you. 

“Well, did you feel that?” He asks. In your dazed state, you hadn’t noticed the man bend to your level and reach out to pinch you with rag covered fingers. The dust and mold leave a stain on your work pants and you can’t help but frown in disgust, “Yeah. Yeah, unfortunately I did.”

“You must be frightened and confused. Allow me to introduce myself-” He bows his head to you from where he kneels on the floor, “-I am King Kim Namjoon of Korea.” He looks back up and smiles bright, showcasing his dimples, “It is my pleasure to finally make your acquaintance.” 

You tilt your head in confusion at his choice of words, “I’m sorry, you’ve been waiting for me? I don’t understand.”

“Are you not aware of our bond?” He asks, tilting his own head to the side.

Of course you know about his bond, it’s all that Taehyung has ever told you about! His necklace was gifted by the moon goddess so that when his soulmate touches it, he’ll wake up and they’l-

It takes you a moment to realize that he believes you to be his long lost soulmate, and you’re ready to spiral into another frenzy when you do, “No…” 

Soulmates aren’t real. Nobody just walks around and bumps into their soulmate on the street. They don’t hear their voice in the back of their heads. They don’t wait over 1,000 years to be matched with a fucking dead guy.

“No.” You repeat, more confident in yourself. 

“I understand you may be confused as to what this all must mean, but I’ll explain it to you-” Namjoon tries to reach out to you again, but you’re quick to push him away this time.

You stand from the floor in a rush and take two steps towards the center of the room where the two display cases separate and show a clear path to the exhibit’s only exit, “No, you won’t. Please return to your box.” 

He stands up after you but stops when he sees you step back again, “But we’re destined to be together!”

“Destiny isn’t real! This-” You gesture with both hands from you to him, “-isn’t real!”

“Our bond is as real as you and I!” He argues. You can feel the want and passion dripping from his voice. It isn’t hard to tell how much he truly believes you’re his soulmate, but he’s dead wrong - no pun intended. “I’ve spent so long waiting for you.”

“Nope.” It didn’t matter how many times he flashes you that lovestruck look. Soulmates weren’t real, and whatever is going on in front of you isn’t real either, “This isn’t happening.” You turn away from him, resorting to pacing out your frustrations instead of voicing them. 

Namjoon watches you with a disappointed frown and slumped shoulders, “Well, this isn’t how this was supposed to happen.” He mumbles.

You attempt to calm your breathing, pleading with your rationale to find some way - any way - to explain what’s happening. The whole interaction felt like a crazy fever dream that manifested on the worst day of a cold. They’re always weird, but they’re never this realistic. 

You turn back around to address the not-so-dead king and yelp when you see him pulling at his wrap, “What are you doing?!” You ask as he tugs and pulls at the rotten fabric.

Namjoon looks up, pausing his ministrations to give you an answer, “I’m removing these incessant wrappings.”

He returns to his unwrapping, leaving you to watch him as he goes. He wasn’t naked - thankfully - but you weren’t prepared for him to immediately unwrap himself. In all honesty, you wanted him to wrap himself back up and return to his box. Fortunately for you, under his wrappings he wears a loose white shirt and loose tan pants, his shoes long forgotten. 

When he finally frees himself, he takes a moment to look around the room. His gaze trails over the walls, “What is this place? Why are we not in my tomb?”

“You’re in a museum.” You explain, watching closely to gauge his reaction. In a way, he wasn’t really that old in retrospect, but you doubt he’d seen a museum before.

He turns to look at you, just as confused as you expected him to be, “What is that?”

You shrug, “It’s a place where people go to see old things and art.”

Namjoon breaks into a smile, a red tint coloring his cheeks, “I wouldn’t say I’m art.”

“I didn’t.” You say, causing Namjoon’s face to drop just the slightest.

He’s quick to mask his disappointment with a polite smile. Turning to the side of the case he stands on, he looks back to the exhibit around him. He looks up and his eyes trail over the lights above him, “What dynasty is this?” He asks. 

“Uh...the capitalist dynasty?” You reply, unsure of what you would call this era of time. Namjoon looks confused and you sigh, “You’re in the 21st century.”

“Fascinating…” He takes a long look over the glass case a few feet in front of him - the one that holds the crown made for his queen - before he moves forward, reaches out, and swipes a hand over top of it, collecting a thin sheen of dust on his fingertips.

“Don’t do that!” You rush forward and grab his wrist, pulling it away in fear of the alarm going off. Anybody who even got too close to it should set it off, yet no siren wails at his touch. The alarms had been set by Hoseok himself, so they have to be broken if neither of you were setting it off, “What…?”

“Can I have my arm back, or is this a new rude custom I’m unaware of?” Namjoon asks, staring at the place on his wrist your hand holds hostage. 

“No, just-...” You release his arm and take a breath as a poor attempt to remain calm, “-just don’t touch anything.”

“We’ll need to touch the case to get your necklace so we can return to my home together.” He says as if what he suggested was completely normal for him.

You’re once again taken aback by his words, unsure if you heard him correctly or not, “I’m sorry?” You ask.

“We’re soulmates,” He explains, “It’s only natural for you to come live with me, so we can spend our days together.”

“We will not be going anywhere together!” You tell him. You step forward and grab him by the shoulders, turning him around so he faces his sarcophagus. You attempt to push him, “You will be staying here in your box, and you’re going to go back to sleep.”

Namjoon fights against your attempts, digging his feet into the hardwood floor beneath him. He scowls at the realization of what you’re trying to do, “Did you not hear what I said earlier? You are my destined lover. That’s how this is supposed to work!”

“And I told you that destiny isn’t real!” You argue, now using your shoulder to push all of your weight against him.

Namjoon turns to face you, causing you to lose your balance and fall forward. Namjoon grabs your arms before you can fall to the floor, using this opportunity to hold you close, “Is my life not enough proof for you?”

Dark brown eyes bore into your own, his sincerity written all over his features. You can tell he’s hurt, but you can’t help but continue to fight against him, “I don’t know! I’m still trying to process everything that’s happening right now!” 

“As soon as we leave, I will explain everything to you in much greater detail.” He says, now offering a smile. However, leaving with him is the last thing you wish to do.

You push away from him and take a few steps back towards the exhibit's entrance, “We are not leaving.”

“I am a king, I have wealth beyond your wildest dreams! I can take care of you and it is my job to do so.” He reaches out and takes you by your wrist, “We’re going!”

“I don’t even know you!” You yell, pulling your arm away from him once more and stepping closer towards the exit behind you.

Namjoon looks annoyed, but he takes a deep breath before he continues to try and pursued you, “Why don’t you allow us to get to know each other then? At least tell me your name.”

“Just-” You pause, unsure of what you should even do. You take a few more steps back and he follows, “Stay there!” You demand, raising a finger to him. He does as told - whether he wishes to or not - and allows you to take a few more steps back until you catch sight of the gate in your peripherals. As long as he stays where he is, you could slip out without him, “Good.”

Namjoon, however, takes offense to you keeping your distance from him. This was no way to treat a king, especially ‘your’ king nonetheless, “Do not speak to me as if I am a child! I am a king, may I remind you.”

“You may. But may I also remind you that your rule ended over 1,000 years ago and you no longer hold any power.” You say, watching the frown on his features deepen into a scowl. With every minute that passes, his calm exterior continues to break, showing you his true nature. You take this moment of weakness against him and reach for his exhibit key on your belt, “I, however, am in charge of this museum after hours, so you have to listen to me.”

“I am a man-” He tries to argue, but you’re quick to shut his misogyny down.

“-And I am a woman,” You retort, thumbing through the labeled keys. Hoseok always made fun of you for trying to organize them, but it looks like the jokes on him. Not that he would really believe you if you told him. 

“Your man card doesn’t work in this age, so try something else, your highness~” You tease.

Namjoon crosses his arms over his chest and glares, “You have quite the tongue when you’re not screaming.”

“Thank you, I get it from my grandmother. Now-” You slip through the crack you left in the gate and pull it close, pulling his key from it’s retractable clip and locking him in, “-go back to sleep.”

He blinks a few times before he moves towards you. He places his hands on the bars and pulls at them, but they don’t budge under him. His eyes widen in shock and he turns to you, “Did you just lock me in here?”

“I did.” You nod, smug smile and all.

“Unlock it. Now.” He demands, tightening his hold on the bars.

“Hm…” You pretend to contemplate his request, tapping a finger against your chin before you come to a fake decision, “No.” 

“You insolent girl!” Namjoon yells, banging his fists against the gate that holds him.

You step back with wide eyes, stunned by his sudden outburst. You knew you were making him angry, but not this angry, “Wow, that’s one way to talk to your apparent soulmate.”

“I’ve been pleasant long enough! It’s time for you to accept the truth and let. Me. Out!” He demands.

You shake your head, “I don’t think I will.”

“You’re being unreasonable.” He huffs. 

Staring at him through the bars, you take in his features. He’s angry, that much is clear. But there’s something else about him that just seems more hurt than anything. You don’t want to feel bad for him, but you have to give him credit where it’s due.

You release an exasperated sigh, “Look, I’m sorry, okay? This is probably hard for you and...a fever dream for me-” Fever dream is perhaps the most lax way to describe this experience, “-but I think your necklace chose the wrong person.”

Namjoon stiffens and he almost looks offended at your assumption, “The moon goddess is never wrong.”

“Well, this time she is,” You insist.

“So what do you expect me to do?” He asks.

You shrug, “I’d prefer it if you went back into your box.”

“You want me to live my life in a box? After I’ve already spent so much time in it?!” He asks.

“Yes! No...I-” You’re unsure of what to say. On one hand, you feel a bit guilty asking him to return to a box he’s spent 1,000 years in. He died once, believing that when he woke he’d be greeted by his one true love. Instead he woke up to you screaming at him. 

But on the other hand, he was supposed to be dead. 

You sigh, “I don’t know what I want, but I can’t deal with-...” You raise your hands, grasping at the air before gesturing to him, “-this.”

The king looks offended, but he holds his tongue. Instead he crosses his arms and straightens his posture, “Well, I will not be going back in that box.”

“Wha-?” You cut yourself off, in disbelief of this man’s stubbornness. You huff, “Then go find your palace or wherever you lived before!”

He shakes his head, “I won’t leave if you refuse to leave with me.”

“Then you better get used to your view, because this is all you’ll be seeing!” You state, finally having enough of him. You turn on your heel and begin to walk away, something you should have done when you first came up to the exhibit.

“You’ll come to realize that our intertwined fates will not go away just because you wish them to!” He calls after you, his voice echoing off the walls around you, “And then you’ll be crawling back to me!”

When you continue walking and refuse to answer him, he yells again, “At least let me explore!”

“Not happening!” You call over your shoulder.

“This is humiliating! You can’t do this!” You hear him rattling the gate again, but you pay him no mind. “Come back here, you insolent child!”

You bypass every other exhibit that you were supposed to check, instead rushing back to the safety of your office. Once you’re in you bolt the door behind you, just in case anything else in the building decided it needed to come to life as well. You drop yourself in your office chair and take a moment to yourself, giving yourself time to take in all of the events that just transpired.

The mummy from the new exhibit just came to life, you were somehow able to talk to him without passing out, he thinks you’re his soulmate, and now he’s upset with you because you locked him in his exhibit that he shouldn’t be freely roaming in. 

You turn to your monitor and switch through feeds until you find Namjoon’s exhibit. He’s still standing by the closed gate, his hands slipped through the bars to try and fiddle with the lock. His posture that he once held with you is lacking, not as pristine as it was before. You can’t help but watch him with pity as his attempts to get out continue to fail.

But you can’t bring yourself to go back before the night ends.

30 minutes before the morning shift was due to come in, you use the intercom to tell Namjoon he’d have to return to his sarcophagus for the day. You couldn’t hear him, but you didn’t need a microphone to know he was not only confused but also very unhappy about that. You managed to convince him by informing him they would take him away to rot in a cell without you if he didn’t, and that seemed to kick him into gear. 

Thankfully, he didn’t need your help making it back to his bed or putting the cover on top. You were not about to go down to his exhibit. Especially when the room itself looked completely untouched on the camera. The ropes that had been torn from the wall were back in their place as if nothing had ever happened, and the wrappings the King decided to discard were nowhere to be seen.

After that, you sat and waited for the morning shift to come and take over for you. You said good morning to all of your coworkers, and then you left. You went home and you went to bed, but waking again didn’t feel like a new experience. The looming feeling of knowing what awaits when you get to work again haunts you until your once again clearing the exhibits for the night. 

You make it to the exhibit that has weighed you down for the past 12 hours and you hesitate to step inside. Clearing the room and locking it up will start the night, and then you’re left with the chances of seeing him again. Seeing him again means that everything you saw last night wasn’t a joke, and that you really have a living mummy in your museum.

What’s worse is he thinks you're his true love. 

You come across Taehyung, once again sitting on the bench in front of the king’s sarcophagus. He wears a loose white button down and a pair of black dress pants, balancing a sketch pad on his thigh. He attempts to draw the exhibits main attraction with the altar that took weeks to create. If only he knew the object of his affections was alive and well only 15 feet away from him.

“Having fun there?” You ask, sitting next to the fashionable curator.

He takes a moment to answer, defining a line on his paper before he acknowledges you, “I always do when I’m here with Namjoon-hyung.” You roll your eyes at his use of ‘hyung’ and he chuckles. He turns his attention back to his paper, “Did you have a good rest of your night?”

You feel every bone in your body tense at the mention of the previous night. Last night was almost an out of body experience for you, and there was no real way to describe what you went through.

You shrug, “It was okay, same old same old.”

“That’s good! I’m glad you’re doing well here on your own at night.” He looks up from his shading and sets his pencil down, his expression becoming somber, “It must be hard without Chanyeol.”

“Yeah, it can be...” Working without Chanyeol really wasn’t any worse than working together. The only thing is now your new coworker is a 1,000 year old un-dead guy, but that’s a little much to explain, “But it’s fine! It really isn’t that strenuous on me at all.”

He smiles at your response and turns to look at his drawing, “I guess I’m holding you up aren’t I?” 

You want to tell him more than anything that today you want him to stay just a little longer. Today is the day you want to hear all about every exhibit in the museum. More than anything, you just don’t want to face Namjoon alone, but no one would believe you if you told them the truth. So instead, you hum in agreement.

“Alright, I’ll get out of here. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Once again, you watch him pack up and dance his way out of the exhibit. Only today you follow close behind, locking the king’s exhibit and rushing to the next - much more normal - exhibit.

 ---

It’s surreal to watch Namjoon through a screen. Sure, seeing him the other night was an experience, but to see that your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you is another trip entirely! With Namjoon truly existing, that leads you to really question his claims. You did touch the necklace, but so had plenty of others. Not to mention, it took him almost 3 hours after you’d touched it to wake up, so who’s to say that Taehyung isn’t his true soulmate? Even Yoongi could be!

Anyone but you.

He’s much more different now that he’s ‘chilled out’ from last night’s events. He’s no longer pacing back and forth or banging on his exhibit’s gate - though he has tried to pull it open once or twice. Now, he just sits on the bench where you had sat with Taehyung, only he sits facing away from his final resting place. 

He looks to be in deep thought, as if he’s contemplating something as he stares ahead of him. You like him better this way, calm and quiet instead of trying too hard to convince you to run away with him. This king you could babysit until he fell back asleep as he should’ve been in the first place.

With him seemingly content, you allow yourself to work on other things you’d normally do throughout the night. You mainly focus on the online coursework you didn’t get done due to the distraction on the screen in front of you, organizing your office in between assignments. You don’t really pay any mind to your cameras until you catch movement coming from Namjoon’s.

On the screen, he appears to be waving his arms and yelling, resembling those people you see on TV when someone gets injured. You can’t help but sigh. You’ve been putting off your rounds just so you wouldn’t have to go by his exhibit for him to accost you, now you didn’t have a choice but to go see what was troubling him before he broke something.

You grab your flashlight and tuck it into its place on your belt clip, leaving the safety of your office to see what his majesty so desperately needs from you. It must be desperate if he’s yelling for the entire city to hear. You quicken your pace to get there faster, hopefully before anybody besides you has the chance to hear his cries.

“Soulmate!” He yells, his voice clear as day as you reach level 3, “Come here! I demand your presence!” 

“If you don’t stop yelling for everyone to hear you, then I’m going to turn around and leave you alone!” You yell back, assuming he hears you when the yelling doesn’t continue. You make it to the gate of his exhibit and find him waiting for you with his arms crossed, no longer as relaxed as he was when the night began. 

“What?” You ask, stopping in front of him.

He doesn’t give you the pleasure of knowing right away. Instead, he looks you up and down with a hard glare, “You didn’t bring me food.”

“That’s what you’re yelling about?” You ask in disbelief.

Namjoon takes offense to your indifference, “Yes! For your information, I am very hungry for someone who hasn’t eaten in over 1,000 years.”

In hindsight, you’d most likely be a little angry too if you hadn’t eaten in so long as well - though it’s not really an excuse for his behavior last night. But explaining why an unconscious guy was chilling on the floor of a locked exhibit with security footage showing him coming out of the sarcophagus would not be fun for anyone involved. 

“I’ll be right back.” You leave him to run back to the break room, grabbing the prepackaged lunch you had bought for yourself, a pair of disposable chopsticks, and a banana milk that you kept stashed behind Hoseok’s forgotten lunchbox before heading back up. 

Namjoon gives you a strange look when you come back, his eyes trained on the box in your hand, “What is that?”

“It was my lunch, but you probably need this more than me.” You look for the key to his exhibit on your belt, sifting through until you find the right label and pull it up to unlock the gate. You pause before turning the lock, “Move back to the case.”

“Really?” Namjoon asks, his eyes narrowed in a glare. You return your own glare until he finally gives in and takes the steps back to the case as you asked him to, “Happy?”

You nod and turn the lock over, opening the gate and slipping inside with the food you brought for him. You hand him the lunchbox and the milk before you reach into your back pocket for the chopsticks, “Sorry if it’s not what you’re used to, but this is all I’ve got-”

“-There’s no need.” He raises a hand to stop you - an action that irks you to no end - and sits on the floor with the food you’ve given him. You watch as he struggles with the tape that holds it together, holding back your laughter when he manages to get it off the box and stuck to his fingers instead. He seems to relax when he rubs it off on the floor, but his next challenge comes when he opens the packet of chopsticks and there’s only one inside, “What this?!”

“I’m going to assume you’ve never seen this before.” You bend down to his level to take the chopsticks from him, holding each one and pulling them apart to create two, perfectly good chopsticks. You bite back a laugh when you see the amazement written across Namjoon’s face, “Pretty cool, yeah?”

“Very…” He says. You hand him the chopsticks, watching with amusement as he tries to fit them back together. One drops and he fumbles to catch it before he realizes you’re still watching him, quickly using the utensils to shove food in his mouth as a distraction. 

“Here.” Not wanting him to embarrass himself further, you take his banana milk and open it for him, setting it beside him while he eats. He takes a moment to take a sip and his eyes widen in surprise.

“What is this?” He asks, holding the bottle close to his face to inspect the label.

You shrug, “It’s just banana milk.” 

“Well, it tastes fantastic!” He tilts his head back and chugs the rest of it, wiping his mouth before turning back to you with the same expression of a puppy ready to play, “Is there more?”

“Uh…” You hesitate to answer, afraid he’ll try to boss you around again, “Yeah, we do.”

“Bring me-!” He stops when he sees your expression sour. Instead, he clears his throat and bows his head, “If you wouldn’t mind, could I please have another?”

“Sure thing.” You smile, and he smiles back. It wasn’t much, but it felt like an understanding after the fiasco that happened the night before. 

So, you rush back while he continues eating, grabbing two more banana milks and a bag of chips for you to munch on yourself. When you come back, you’re not surprised to see that he’s finished his food and left the box laying on the floor with the empty milk container. You want to be upset with him for just leaving his trash lying around, but it’s hard to be mad at him when he’s trying so hard to work the kiosk.

“This infernal contraption doesn’t work!” He yells, hitting the top of it as if that would somehow make it work. Of course, he’s not the only person to try this - you’ve seen many middle aged men try to do the same thing when you close - but it would only prove to break if he didn’t dial it back.

“Don’t do that!” You rush to his side and push his hands away, blocking him from touching the kiosk any more. “You can’t just hit things and expect them to work. That’s not how people solve their problems.”

“Well, it doesn’t have a mouth, so how am I supposed to talk to it?” He questions.

“Okay…” You heave a sigh and grab the headphones that rest on the kiosk’s base, a pair for you and a pair for Namjoon. You place yours on your head and then move to place Namjoon’s over his ears. He flinches away from your touch and you pull back a bit, “It’s okay, I’m just going to show you how this works.”

He relaxes, bowing his head so you can place the headphones over his ears. Once they’re well adjusted, you tap the screen of the kiosk to bring it to life. You read through the options designed for the exhibit, choosing to let it read through information about Namjoon himself.

“The Kim Dynasty-” The woman’s voice fills both of your ears, scaring Namjoon so much that he jumps back and his headphones clang to the floor.

His scared expression is priceless, eyes wide and hands raised to defend himself. You laugh, picking up his headphones and extending them to him, “That’s supposed to happen.”

“How is it doing that? Is there a woman trapped in each of these?” He asks, eyeing the other kiosks that line the wall beside the one you share.

You shake your head, “It’s called a recording. They made a copy of her voice and put it in here so the people that come here can learn more about you.”

“Oh…” He accepts your answer and the headphones in your hand, “I see the moon goddess has been very busy.”

“Here.” You grab his hand and fix it so his pointer finger sticks out, guiding his hand so it presses lightly against the glass to select a different option. A new section of Namjoon’s life begins to play and Namjoon seems impressed by the ‘power’ he holds in one appendage. “This is called a touch-screen. You just have to tap the buttons on the screen and it’ll change.”

He nods, staring intently at the screen before him. He tilts his head and taps the little home button at the top left, surprised when the screen changes from a video to the screen it started on. He smiles, his dimples popping out as he chooses another option, “This is amazing!”

His smile is infectious, as well as his eagerness to learn more about the technology in front of him, “I’ll just leave you to play with that for a bit, I have a job to do.”

“Yes! Okay.” He waves you off, paying more attention to the kiosk than to you. 

You lock the gate behind you when you leave, though it doesn’t seem like Namjoon even took notice of either action. Even after you rush through your duties to come back to him sooner, he’s still playing with the same kiosk with a child’s enthusiasm.

“You’re really enjoying yourself.” You muse, standing off to the side behind him.

Namjoon nods, his fingers still dancing across the screen, “This technology is amazing! If only we had this in my dynasty. I can only imagine the advantages we would have had.”

You nod in agreement, “Yeah, it definitely comes in handy. Though, a lot of people believe it’s made us weaker as a society.”

“I can see why. Everything I could ever want to know about myself is right here at my fingertips,” He says, scrolling through the different options he could look through. He comes across a picture of himself and grimaces, “I wish they would have used a different portrait.”

You chuckle in amusement, “Well, if you’re not having my trouble, then I‘m going to get back to my office.” You go to leave the room again when Namjoon grabs you by the arm.

“Wait!” He yells, pulling you back to him. It takes him a second to realize what he did before he let’s go, “Sorry!” 

“It’s fine.” You mumble. 

“I just-...” The king pauses, taking a moment to collect himself, “I wanted to know if I could look at more exhibits tomorrow?”

His eyes look down into yours, so hopeful for a good answer. You’re unsure, “I don’t know…” You want to say yes to him, but there’s so much at stake if you were to let him walk around on his own. Granted, he couldn’t trip the alarms, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t break anything. 

“I won’t touch anything, I swear!” He promises, both of his hands reaching out to take your own. He holds them to his chest, lightly cradling against the fabric of his shirt as he begs you, “I just don’t want to spend the rest of my time sitting in this room when there’s so much more around me.”

That gets you.

If there was one thing you could understand, it was being somewhere new with so much knowledge that you just had to know more. For someone like Namjoon, this was more than that. He had a whole world to try to come to terms with, and he was standing in the best place to do so. If you denied him that, then would you be able to deal with it?

“Tomorrow.” You say, “I’ll let you explore the museum tomorrow.”

Namjoon’s eyes light up and it looks like a weight is lifted right off of his shoulders. He doesn’t hesitate to bow to you, “Thank you, soulmate.”

“It’s not the whole museum!” You add quickly, “And my name is (Y/n).” He seems unhappy at first, but he does eventually nod to give his thanks where it was due. You give a polite bow back, “You’re welcome.”

The next night comes all too quickly for you. Leaving him alone to explore was more than nerve wracking. You were probably out of your mind for even considering letting him out on his own, let alone trusting him in the first place. Sitting in your office you’d check the camera’s every few minutes just to be sure he was still in the hall, or you’d pinpoint his last location and make your final round of the museum according to how he’d walk through the halls.

That first night, Namjoon only went through his exhibit and the rest of level 3. Occasionally you’d catch him playing with a water fountain on the camera’s in front of the bathroom. Another time you caught him turning towards a planter and you quickly changed screens, reminding yourself to open a bathroom for him for the next night. 

As two more nights pass, you notice his want to get closer to the exhibits than to just sit on the outside. More often than not, you caught him with his face pressed against the metal bars trying to get a closer look at everything. It wasn’t hard to tell that he wanted to be in the room with the art itself, but a part of you is still worried to let him have that extra inch.

It’s only on the 5th night when Taehyung takes notice of your woes that you change your mind.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, leaning over himself on the bench to look at you. You sit with your hands in your lap just staring at Namjoon in front of you, wondering if you can really trust him to continue keeping his word. You don’t notice Taehyung, nor do you hear his question. He rolls his eyes and taps your knee twice, “Hey!”

“Huh?” You blink away your thoughts and turn your attention to him. Unaware of what he asked, you tilt your head in confusion, “What?”

Taehyung hums to himself and nods, “I’m right, something is wrong with you.”

“What do you mean something’s wrong with me?” You ask defensively.

Taehyung sighs and shows you his watch, showing you that it’s 5 minutes past weekday closing time, “This is the longest you’ve let me sit here rambling to myself. 10 minutes past our normal time!”

You shake your head, content to push him away, “I’m just a bit distracted, that’s all.”

“By what? Is it a work problem? Family troubles? You can tell me, I’ll listen!” He assures you. 

You have no doubt in your mind that he will listen to you, but how do you explain your situation is the real problem at hand. There were only so many excuses in the world, and if you weren’t careful you might get yourself fired just for using a bad analogy.

You weigh your options and sigh, “My niece - she’s really little and way too rambunctious to come here - really wants to come and see the art on display. I want her to come see where I work because I know she likes the art, but I know my sister is worried about her breaking something or causing a scene.”

“Hmm...I see.” Taehyung hums, not showing any sign of suspicion against you. He really thinks about your ‘concern’ before he comes to a conclusion. “I think she should come and see.”

“Really?” You ask.

He nods, “Yeah! It’s best to let children experience art and it’s creativity for themselves! Even young children have an eye for art, and those who truly appreciate it only want to see it up close to see every detail.”

“I guess that does make sense…” Thinking about it, he does have a point. Namjoon may be from a different moment in time, but he’s still a grown adult. 

Taehyung seems to sense your uncertainty and places a calming hand on your knee, “Art isn’t meant to be viewed from afar. It’s made to make us feel emotion.” He explains, “Even the most unlikely of patrons can find something that makes them appreciate art.” 

Even after your talk is finished and you’ve left Namjoon’s exhibit unlocked for him to let himself out, you’re still debating your next course of action. There’s a big risk in letting him roam through the exhibits, but you can’t in good conscience let him sit around doing nothing forever.

You find Namjoon on level 4, his face pressed against the bars of the Apparel Through the Ages exhibit. You sneak up behind him and clear your throat, “Good evening, your highness.”

Namjoon stumbles back, not expecting you to be there. It’s amusing to watch him scramble into a more respectable position with his hands behind his back. He glances your way, “Have you come around already?”

“No, I haven’t,” You say. You pull at the keys on your belt and jingle them, “I’ve come to open an exhibit for you.”

“What?” He’s surprised, “Will you really?” 

“Someone told me that those who appreciate art want to take in all the details they can.” It didn’t take a genius to see that Namjoon wants to see more than he can see at the exhibit’s gates. An old soul like his could probably use some new perspective, “You choose the exhibit and I’ll unlock it.”

“Any of them?” He asks.

You nod, “Just lead the way.”

The light in his eyes that you saw the night before comes back and it relaxes you for some reason. Even as he takes your wrist to lead you down the hall to the exhibit he wants to see, it’s as if he’s two different people. It’s almost confusing how quickly his demeanor changes with you. When he doesn’t get what he wants, he becomes a child. Yet the moment you offer something new - something for him to learn about - it’s as if he’s just a child at heart. 

When you open the Animal Kingdom exhibit on level 2 for him you’re thrown for another loop. He only gives you a simple thanks and walks away, leaving you to question if he’s just inherently an asshole or if he’s just petty. Even as you come back around from your rounds to close up for the night, he still seems to flip back and forth with his own personality and his thanks.

You go home that morning confused and on a mission. You throw the notion of sleep out the window and settle onto your couch with a cup of coffee and your laptop, determined to know more about this so-called King that intends to ruin your life little by little. 

A simple Google search brings you many results, ranging in portraits and newspaper articles to biographies written by renowned historians. You click on the first link available, taking you to a page drowning in photos and art. It would seem that even in life, Namjoon enjoyed surrounding himself with art. 

His portraits were absolutely breathtaking - you could understand his disappointment now that you’ve seen more than just the one - and the pictures they showcase of his palace are surrounded in flowers and gorgeous statement pieces littered across the grounds. It’s surprising to read that they’ve remained there for so long without any disturbances. You would have thought they’d taken one or two lawn pieces like they had taken Namjoon, yet they remain in their home without any signs of distress to them. 

You take another long sip of coffee and move onto another page, checking out a more informative website. This one goes into detail about his life as a prince and as a king. You discover that he became king at the young age of 17 when his parents sadly passed away during an ambush to the throne. Apparently, he changed over half of the Kingdom’s laws the very next day and saw to every change in policy himself. It only took him 3 months to get the people of his kingdom to trust in him and his guidance, which - according to the article - was a big feat for his time.

You’re surprised to read about his contributions to his people. He strongly encouraged his people to progress forward and bring him their concerns, he housed over 30 children in his home at one time because they had no homes to go to and he even had a sort of sanctuary for animals to be cared for under his watch. He oversaw their historians writing, ensuring that they put every detail on paper. Even his failures were written down under his careful eye, despite his power to erase them from future generations

This Namjoon was so kind and caring. He was so well educated and well-spoken, and he was loved by all of his people for his generosity and understanding nature. How is it that a man who was known for being so kind, could be the same man who bossed you around and demanded that you spend the rest of your life with him?

How is it that a guy who sounds so sweet on paper can be a total dick in real life?

* * *

After hours of research with no sleep and a cold shower to wake you up, you find yourself standing in front of Namjoon with a copy of The Little Prince tucked on top of the food you’ve brought him for the night.

Namjoon accepts the food, taking the boxed lunch with one hand so he can pick up the book with the other. He inspects it carefully, flipping it over a few times to look it over, “What’s this?”

“I did a little research on you, your highness. According to historians and the internet, you were quite the avid reader.” You’d read a lot about Namjoon, and every website you visited gave you list upon list of books read by him when he was still alive and well. They all spoke of his fascination for fantasy novels and those with deeper meanings behind them. The Little Prince seemed like a no brainer to you when it came to more relevant novels to fit his tastes. “I figured you might get bored sooner or later, so I brought you something to pass the time until you fall asleep again.”

“You know that’s not how the enchantment works, yes?” He asks.

You think about it for a moment before you reply, “No, I don’t know that. Do you?”

“I-” Namjoon is at a loss for your teasing words. Instead he frowns and turns his nose,“It doesn’t matter if I’ve seen it happen! I trust the moon goddess!”

“Mhmm, whatever you say~” You laugh, much to his annoyance. Namjoon sits down to eat his food and you take that as a sign for you to continue doing your job, “Enjoy your book and your food.”

You go to leave, but the king calls after you, “Can’t you stay here? Keep me company?”

You pause. His company wasn’t terrible, but you don’t want to stay and risk giving him a sense of false hope. He was still over 1,000 years old, and you were still a broke college student trying to pay her way through life. You’ve never been the type to play with someone’s emotions, and you weren’t going to start now. 

“That’s not in my job description.” You say. You almost regret your choice when you see his sad expression, but you steel yourself, “Have a good night.”

You leave him, not coming back until you’re making a lap on your rounds. And there - sitting against one of the large display cases - sits Namjoon with the book held loosely in his hands, his face holding a look of pure concentration and a ghost of a smile. He looks so peaceful and content sitting cross-legged on the hard wood of his exhibit, you almost feel bad for asking him to return to his sarcophagus. But that night he goes willingly.

And you can’t help but notice the glow of the necklace on your way out.

---

“Hey-!” You turn your head away from the water fountain, hearing Jimin’s voice call down the already noisy hall. You spy him at the entrance of the gift shop, but his attention is on a girl passing by who’s turned to look at him as well. He holds a box in his hand, but you can’t see what’s inside from where you stand. “Have you seen our new merchandise that just came in?”

“Uh...no, I haven’t.” The girl seems slightly uncomfortable. Either from his approach from the gift shop for her to buy something, or just from a guy who looks like Jimin approaching her - you don’t know which. 

You walk closer to the gift shop, curious yourself about the mystery box in Jimin’s hands.

“This - my lovely lady - is our newest piece of jewelry.” He opens the box and you catch a glimmer of silver and fuschia, “The necklace of King Kim Namjoon’s lost lover.”

Her face lights up initially when she sees it, but then her face drops and she shakes her head, “Oh, no, thank you.”

“You don’t want to buy it?” He asks. Jimin pouts and you can feel the immediate distress coming off the poor girl he’s talking to. 

“It’s pretty, but it’s a little expensive…” She tries to explain her situation - whether it’s true or not - but Jimin is relentless.

He looks around the hall to make sure no one is too close to listen - all but you anyways - and gets closer to her, “But don’t you know the legend behind the necklace?”

“Of course I do! King Kim Namjoon’s soulmate is supposed to wear this necklace.” She says.

“Yes, but that’s not all!” Jimin makes a point of string into her eyes, unwilling to break their eye contact, “Legend says he prayed to the moon goddess herself to find his true love and she gifted him with her own special moonstone to guide his other half to him!”

He moves closer, so that the two are almost shoulder to shoulder just so he can give her a closer view of the product, “These pink stones are pieces of the King’s soulmate's heart, and they’ll glow brightest when his lover wears his necklace by his side!” 

“Wow...that’s so romantic.” You can see her resolve breaking, and you almost feel bad for her that Jimin is the clerk on duty today.

“Do you want to know the best part?” He asks, his smile reaching his cheeks and his eyes full of mischief that resemble love almost too closely. She nods enthusiastically and Jimin brings the box closer so she can see, “This gold string that holds it altogether represents their connection to each other. It’s a bond that can’t be broken by anything in the universe.” 

He carelessly throws an arm over her shoulder, just light enough to be seen as friendly. Though, it would seem the small trick is already working it’s magic on the poor thing. He squeezes her shoulder, “A lot of people believe that wearing this necklace will bring you closer to finding your own true love, so they package them with their own prayers to the moon goddess in hopes she’ll grant them eternal love as well.”

“Really?!” She asks. She looks to him as if he holds the whole universe in his hands, having been swayed by the blonde’s charm.

“Yeah!”

Just like that, you watch him lead her back to the counter and then wave her and her new treasure goodbye, holding a sticky note close to his heart. 

“Should you really be lying like that?”You ask from the store’s entrance. You’re more than disappointed to see yet another girl fall for the man’s charms

Jimin shrugs, “I didn’t lie. I just stretched the truth.” 

You walk up to the counter and snatch the note out of his hand, “Stretching the truth sounds a lot like lying.” 

“Don’t you have a monitor to watch somewhere?” He teases. You hand him the paper back and he sticks it in his pocket, bending below the counter to grab another.

You can’t help but think about what he said, and the legend behind the real necklace. You’ve heard a lot about the real thing, but all of it usually went in one ear and out the other as myth for you. Now that you know it’s real and far from a hoax, you have so much more that you need to know.  

Jimin pops back up with a stack of necklaces in his arms and sets them on the counter in front of you, pulling out a sheet of tags that go with them. You take the sheet from his hand and peel one off, handing it to him, “Can I ask you a question? About the necklace?”

“Sure, but Taehyung is the expert around here.” He says, accepting your sticker to place on the box in front of him.

“You think I don’t know that?” You laugh. You look down and peel off another one, “Is all of what you said about the necklace itself true? About the real necklace?”

“According to Taehyung it is!” He nods, not even sparing you a glance, “The moon goddess gave the King a necklace so powerful that only he and his lover could tear the bond if they chose to, but they never got the chance to meet.”

You hand him another sticker, but you stare into space as you do, “That’s...really sad.” You can’t help but think of the pain Namjoon had to go through knowing his soulmate would be by his side, but not knowing it wouldn’t be in his first lifetime. Not only that, but to wake up and then be met with someone who doesn’t even want to be his soulmate? You can’t help but think about how you’d act towards him if the roles were reversed and he were in your shoes.

You’d be devastated.

“It is.” He takes the sticker from you with one hand and flicks your forehead with the other. You flinch and pull back with your hand rubbing the spot he hit while he just smirks at you, “You would know if you ever listened to Taehyung.”

“Yeah.” You don’t even register your response before handing the sticker sheet back to Jimin and pushing off the counter, “Thanks Jimin! Have a good night, okay? Don’t call me at 2am like last week.”

“No promises~” He sings, going back to his work in front of him.

Later that night when you’re handing Namjoon his dinner, you sit with him to eat yours as well. The look Namjoon gives you as you calmly open your dinner across from him is almost too good to ignore.

“What are you doing?” He asks, slowly unboxing his own lunch.

You pay him no mind as you break apart your chopsticks to start eating, “You wanted me to keep you company, remember? Or is my presence no longer appreciated?” You pick up a clump of rice and turn your attention to him, eyebrow raised.

Namjoon is quick to shake his head and get started on his own food, “Of course it is!” 

You both eat in awkward silence, neither of you quite sure how to start a normal conversation. You’ve only ever made polite talk with him, and he only ever seemed to anger you no matter what he said. The only time you were ever civil was when you would show him something new.

Namjoon swallows his food and clears his throat, “Where would you like me to escort you tonight, my lady?”

You shake your head, “First of all, don’t call me ‘your lady’ or anything else other than my name.” You warn him, pointing at the tag on your jacket. He nods and you continue with your rant, “Second, I have some rounds to do, so you can join me tonight as long as you don’t bother me too much. Understood?”

“Yes, my la-” You narrow your eyes at him and he corrects himself, “(Y/n).”

The two of you finish your food quickly with some small talk made here and there. When you’ve cleaned up, you allow Namjoon to lead you to another exhibit he’s yet to see. All the way on level 1, he wants to see art he’s more familiar with.

“So, you said you asked the moon goddess for a chance to meet your soulmate?” You ask one you’re inside the museum.

“Indeed,” Namjoon nods, listening to you as he takes in the art around him, “I prayed to her one night on a full moon and I begged her to send me a lover. Someone I could confide in and care for, and would do the same for me.”

You tilt your head in confusion, “And instead she gave you the necklace?”

“No, she gave you a way to find me.” He says, a genuine look of happiness on his face. 

“Still-“ You feel a heat rising in your face and you can’t help but turn away from him out of embarrassment. Your eyes land on a painting of a couple and you feel the knife dig just a little deeper, “-you asked her for someone to rule by your side as your equal and she let fate tear you apart.”

He shrugs, “Maybe we weren’t meant to meet before now.”

His calm exterior bothers you. If you had asked for what he had, you’d be livid! He made a promise and that promise was misguided! 

“How can you be so calm?” You ask, allowing your thoughts to be heard.

Namjoon stops to look at a picture of a cherry blossom in the winter, it’s petals covered in frost. He smiles, “You said you read about me from one of your current books. The internet? What do they tell you of me?”

You chuckle at his misunderstanding of what the internet truly is, “Well, the internet told me that you were a very generous and beloved king. They said you were intelligent and caring.”

He chuckles, “I’m flattered.” He looks to you with an amused smile and you elbow his side carefully, causing him to laugh, “I’m only joking!”

You roll your eyes, “Oh, sure.”

Moving on to the next painting, he follows after you, “What else did your book tell you?”

“Well, it told me about your love for the arts.” You remember the extensive biography you’d found during your research. You didn’t read it in its entirety, but you did skim through it, “I read that you would host a festival every year?”

“Yes! Just something special during the summer seasons to enlighten everyone.” He has a far away look in his eye as he recalls the fond memories of his past life, and you can only begin to wonder what a day in his life would have been like, “I’d import goods from everywhere just to have the best for my people.”

“It would seem you’re truly generous, your majesty~” You tease.

“Namjoon.” He corrects you. You give him a quizzical stare and he only smiles in return, “If I’m to call you by your more common title, then you should feel free to use mine. I am attempting to woo you after all.”

“Right.” You smile awkwardly, remembering that you were actually trying to give him a chance. You’d actually been comfortable for once, that you hadn’t even noticed just how easy it had become to talk to him.

“And to really answer your question of why I am as calm as I am,” He pauses in front of a portrait of a town under the night sky, his attention trained on the light orb in the background of the painting. “The moon goddess is lonely herself by nature, so separated from our world. Just like this portrait, we see her, but we pay her no mind.” 

You stand beside him and take your own, clear look at the picture. If you would have looked at it on your own, your main focus would have been on the town and the people in the foreground. You would have glanced at the moon, but the orb and her stars were painted so faint compared to the rest of the picture.

“She came to me - and perhaps it was out of boredom for her own happiness - but she made me a promise. Promises are something I don’t take lightly.” He says. His words are spoken like a true king, but you can’t help but wonder if he himself truly means what he says. 

Namjoon turns to you with a peaceful smile, “Fate works in mysterious ways, and sometimes it’s best for us to wait and see what it brings.”

He’s ready to move on and you both bask in a new found silence as you continue to walk through the exhibit, stopping occasionally at a portrait here and there. Though at every painting you stop, you can’t help but look at the man next to you.

This was the man described in everything you read. This was King Kim Namjoon at his finest, and you were privileged enough to be there.

“Did you really house orphaned children?” You ask out of the blue.

He blinks at first, registering your sudden outburst. Though, when he does realize what you’ve asked, he smiles fondly, “I did. Of all the people we should take care of, our children and our elderly are most important!” 

His words are filled with passion, and you can tell he really cares about the people he’s talking about, “Our elders have shaped our generation, and we shape the generations after us. It’s only fair that we see they’re well taken care of.”

There’s a part of you that truly wishes to see what he was like as a ruler for yourself. You smile, “Well, I guess the internet doesn’t lie.”

“I suppose it doesn’t, though I’m probably not the correct person to ask.” He sheepishly admits, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

You nod in understanding. He really didn’t know much about this era or it’s advancements besides the kiosks in his exhibit. It takes you a moment, but you think of the perfect exhibit to introduce him to the 21st century. 

You take his hand in yours - effectively catching him off guard - and you pull him in the direction of the exit, “Well, allow me to educate you about the world I live in.”

Namjoon doesn’t even attempt to hide his blush this time around. He only nods and allows himself to follow you, “Please.”

You lead him out of the more classic featured art section and into the Modern Art Exhibit. This exhibit starts very tame, sticking to photography and modern painting styles before it morphs into free form art sculptures in the connecting rooms.

One sculpture is made of metal and it’s shape reminds you of a round mushroom. It's definitely interesting, but you don’t necessarily understand it’s appeal. It would seem Namjoon is confused as well.

“This is art?” He asks, his head tilted to the side as he follows his distorted reflection.

“It is.” You assure him. You had a feeling he wouldn’t get it either, you just wanted to show him what he was missing. You sigh, “I don’t really understand it either so don’t fe-”

“It’s so intriguing.” Namjoon says, cutting you off. 

“I’m sorry?” You ask, slightly confused.

“The structure and the colors, they’re so complimentary to the other! I don’t want to look away.” His entire being is completely enraptured with the piece in front of him. It’s so simple, yet his eye contact doesn’t break from his reflection. “I feel as though I am in a trance.”

You squeeze his hand - not even caring that your hands are still connected, “Well, there’s much more of this to see.”

A look of pure joy and elation blossoms on Namjoon’s face and you feel a faint flutter in your heart. You’d never noticed how bright his eyes shine until now, nor did you notice just how cute his dimples really were.

Are you really falling for him?

~ Read: Part 2 ~

[hilli98215]

I am confused. I am hurt. I don’t know what to think. This is a long post. A very long post that is personal but I’ve had it in my head for a while to write. You don’t have to read this. This post has no real meaning. It’s more of a rant of how I feel in the world of fandom, my experiences, and why this posts exists. 

Again, you do not have to read this. 

You have been warned.

DO NOT REBLOG THIS POST!!!! 

When I became an English major in college, I did so knowing several things. One of those is the fact I love literature and I love discovering why authors, creators, and artists wrote what became their most well known work.

Where am I going?

My first fandom was when I was in Junior High (about 13-14 years old) that I was a part of, meaning I read fan fiction and discovered fan art of, was either Naruto or Pokémon. To me these works were escapes of my real confusing life. Especially when I moved states and schools. I had no one. Through this, I discovered what I liked and didn’t like in the world of fiction and was introduced to fandom words/slang such as shipping, fan fiction, lemons (which I don’t think is used as often now), different types of writing, yaoi, yuri, and a few more I can’t remember. This also included the all important phrase Don’t like don’t read. This was when I was in my early teens. 

But I was in a phase where I could find what I found interesting and that was that. 

When I got to high school, I was still this awkward quiet kid with no friends. But I did have marching band so that was something. 

At this point was was interested in Ouran Highschool Host Club, Death Note, a series called Beauty Pop, Fullmetal Alchemist, and a few others. This was also around the time where I began writing fanfiction for OHSC and even began buying manga. Anyway, this was my introduction to fandom as a teenager. And this is before Tumblr.

All I had were my friends, videos on YouTube, and my own interests. No one really understood why I loved all these things. 

Then came the very first fandom I became fully obsessed in my sophomore year: a small series called Hetalia Axis Powers. I was completely invested in this fandom. So much so I wrote fan fiction, bought merch, and read a lot of fan fiction myself. I think it was because, at the time I thought it was because the art style was cute, the voice acting wasn’t half bad and it had to do with history. But this is where things got interesting for me and learning about fandom as a whole. 

As a teen, I hadn’t known about AUs and this series had a lot of them. From the usual school AUs to odd ones. I usually stayed in my bubble and kept up the mantra Don’t like Don’t read. 

But why talk about it?

Well, let’s just say a lot of the content later on became weird and new. I learned a lot about new terms like de-aging and ABO. But this leads to interest which once again let me know what genres of fan fiction I like. 

I continued on with this fandom for about 3 years. And what broke it was the drama and how people were finding a sudden moral compass for personified countries. I mean there are other problems with that show that I recognize now as an adult and didn't see as a kid but that’s for another time. But I quietly left because I was beginning to understand that the drama wasn’t worth a tv show.

I would say the next fandom I was invested in and loved and I think had the least amount of drama was Fairy Tail. Now I fell in love with this series because of the story, characters, and the welcoming fandom. Overall there was rarely any drama because I think we all knew that we had to be civil with each other and respect our ships. While I’m not part of that fandom anymore a lot of people on Tumblr and FFN were very welcoming. The main series kinda fizzled out but that was one of the few positive fandom experiences I had.

I was at that point in my life where I was in college, created my Tumblr and posted regularly to escape life. 

Coming off that fandom, I was part of the Yuri on Ice! fandom from beginning to the end. I mean it’s a sports anime that’s about men's figure skating and how it can affect athletes just to get a gist of it.

That’s when my experience with fandom became interesting because these characters were being paired in a way that made me feel like they can’t be paired with anyone else. Like, there was a pairing we were all cheering for to happen by the end. 

This is the first series I was highly interested in as an adult where the ages of the characters were defined. There were a few in their teens, some in their early to mid 20s, and a couple in their 30s. Now this was a historic anime for several reasons. The main being there being a gay relationship being shown in a positive light and mental illness being shown in a way that wasn’t patronizing and negative. I loved this show for those reasons. But I also quickly learned how people would take these characters (especially those with huge age differences) and pair them up. That was my first introduction to criticism of how ‘gross’ it would be for a 15 year old to be paired up with an 18 year old. But I saw a problem that made me second guess my thinking. When I was in high school, I knew someone who was a sophomore at 15 and dated someone who was 18. Why was there a problem? 

I knew if I voiced this that I would be shamed and told that I was disgusting. Eventually I had enough and left shortly after the series ended.

Then came the Voltron: Legendary Defender series. Oh boy.

Now that series came out while I was in college and I often viewed it in a critical perspective similar to one would a piece of literature because my major was in English and that was what I was taught. Like YOI I was part of this fandom day 1 because it was so different from the original Voltron series from the 80s. I loved how the fandom dissected everything in every episode. There were watch parties, analysis videos, and even skits at conventions. It was a fandom I knew I wanted to be a part of. But then there was fanfiction that I found odd and knew that I never wanted to read that. People were writing about topics that made me uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal with it. After a while, I questioned why I was forcing myself to read them in the first place. So, I stopped reading them. This was also around the time where I discovered AO3 and their amazing tagging system. Because if the tagging system was not there, I probably would have stopped reading fanfiction all together.

But then there was drama, shipping wars, morality wars, and I had enough. I was there until it ended and left quietly. Which is sad considering I loved the experience but it was ruined by what people thought was right for fictional characters. 

Now you may be asking “What was the point of this post?”

To answer your question, I don’t know.

I have loved reading since I was a kid. And when I got to high school, I had this AP teacher who told us something that has stayed with me to this day.

‘As a reader we are detectives. We want to know why the author wrote this book. We want to know what influenced them.’

I took that saying to heart and approach everything through a critical lens. Which is difficult in a fandom. It’s hard to have a critical approach to a series that everyone takes for a grain of salt.

I have been exposed to a lot of books and pieces of literature that have been considered controversial because of their content. When I left high school, I began to realize what genres of books I like in the YA genre and in literature. 

I experimented.

And when you think about it, that’s what you do with fan fiction and fandom. We are always experimenting. We are always finding what we like and don’t like. 

But recently I’ve noticed a new fandom term that makes me wonder where I fall in all of this craziness we call fandom. 

Pro-Fiction/Pro-Shipper

It wasn’t until last year I saw this word thrown around in a new fandom I am in. I tried to do some research but I couldn't find anything. Nothing. And then I learned it’s a new term in itself.

I won’t go into detail but it reminds of the ‘video games are violent so that makes so-and-so violent’ argument parents made when Mortal Kombat came out. 

Well you still didn’t answer the question.

And you’d be right. I saw a post from a follower that saddened me and honestly freaked me out. Why announce that you hate a specific group? It felt like a call out post without saying any names. A warning that states: Block me or out yourself. Or rather: Block me or else.

Do I identify as this? To tell you the truth, I don’t know. I think critically and see things differently. In fact everyone does. 

We are always going to be influenced by the media whether it be a movie, television, a book, or a video game. We will always love these storylines and characters. We will always take the messages to heart. We will always cheer for the hero and maybe the villain too. 

I do want you guys to remember this, make your own fandom experience. Block those who make you feel uncomfortable and make you feel like you don’t matter. You do.

You are your own person. No one can tell you otherwise. If you feel uncomfortable, then maybe you need to leave the fandom. Or find a space in the fandom that you can be yourself. Or don’t care what people think and do what you always do.

It’s all up to you.

[itswildwinters]

Ask for writers

Thank you @theisolatedlily and @soldouthaz for tagging me, I really appreciate it! This lovely tag was created by @soldouthaz, which I think is brilliant to get to know other writers!! I love it, so thank you Sarah!

This is quite long, but I still hope it’s entertaining!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted: I’ve always wanted to write. I know that I only began publishing this year (January 2020) but years back, I always would open up a blank document and just... write. Lack of confidence and language barriers (I wanted to write in English, but it isn’t my first language and I only became fluent three years ago) have made it so that I would never finish a story. I think we all had our wattpad moment but even on there I would never really publish because the platform just wasn’t right. But then I discovered ao3, where I’d read fics and also improve my English. Then I found out about fests, and I decided to participate in one last year (2019 BLFF) and my first fic then came out! 

And ever since, I’ve been able to write and finish what I start. It’s as if the lock that had been put to block my creativity had been destroyed; posting my first completed fic has acted as a turning point. I was extremely nervous when I first posted, still am, but now I have this need to write and I love sharing what I write and ever since I became a writer, my life’s been a lot better!

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?: I switch between Louis’ POV, or Harry’s POV depending on the story; I tend to sprinkle a bit of myself in the characters I write, but then again they’re also completely different from me! I’ve never based a character completely on myself, which I find quite boring (haha); sometime unconsciously, I’d write a character based on someone I knew. I think some examples on how my characters can look a bit like me, is Hamlet in a sea of mist which has gotten his clear-headedness from me; or in my Murder Mystery fic, the way I describe Louis’ fear is heavily based on how I feel whenever I’m faced with something that makes me uncomfortable.

3. where do you often find inspiration?: art (paintings, music), books, quotes, poems and movies!

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?: having so much free time on my hands has definitely helped; I would seek refuge within my stories, to spice up quarantine!

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence? I love love love playing classical music (Chopin, Saint-Saens, Debussy, Yiruma, Einaudi, Faulkner, Schumann, Tchaikovsky, Mozart to name a few) while writing. I can’t write when it’s anything else. But I can also write when there’s nothing; hearing the rhythmic clicking sound of the keyboard as I press over its keys can be relaxing to me.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?: hm in my writing I guess I tend to write very long sentences, and also I still do grammar mistakes. I hope to work on those points. I also find the way I space my fics very annoying (which is why I’ve begun making outlines!).

7. describe your ideal writing setup: in a couch or a bed with several pillows piled up behind my back, classical music in my ears and a steaming cup of tea next to me.

8. favorite time of day to write?: I love writing when it’s very early, usually after I’ve woken up and freshened up. I don’t like writing when it’s too late because I’m not a night owl; rather an early bird. I especially love when I write and it’s still dark outside, then slowly dawn breaks in and the sky becomes tainted in warm hues of orange, yellow and sometimes even purple and pink.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?: I love writing fantasy, horror, suspense, action, thrillers. Especially angst and hurt/comfort, as well as slow burn. I’d like in the future to explore sci-fi and magical realism!

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it? I haven’t suffered from writer block so far, which I’m glad!!

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult? writing is the easiest, but outlining (as in, coming up with plot ideas) is quite difficult for me. Also dialogues can be a bit of a problem to me.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable): I just make them up in my mind, and create them when they’re necessary to the story, giving them personality traits that will help the story develop.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word? it’s hard to choose cause I have several but favourite: petrichor and least favourite: big

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?: I am proud of the way I describe, which allows me to really settle the story in its verse. I love describing, giving importance to the ordinary. Also feelings; I love describing them and exploring how I can translate them into words, so that the reader can feel them. But I have to work on my dialogues methinks.

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?: those who from the Pit of Hell, roam to seek their prey on earth. I’ve always wanted to begin writing thrillers/Murder mystery fics and with that one I think I managed to? I had read an article on forensic medicine back in the 19th century and it sparked this fic’s plot!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?: Arial, 11pt, single spaced

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?: I don’t know if this can be considered as a typo but I tend to repeat, within a paragraph, A LOT my character’s name instead of using pronouns. This is because I’m afraid of confusion when another character arrives in the scene.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?: I don’t know if I understood the question properly, but yes? When I use Louis or Harry in my fics, they’re completely different from real-Louis or real-Harry; they’re my characters, they only have the same names, but their personality reflects in nothing real-life Harry and Louis. 

I think to answer this better: I do separate fic writing from fandom, but I still think that fanfics are important to a fandom; I haven’t heard of a fandom without fanfics! Fanfics spice up fandoms, I reckon, they’re important to bring people together.

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?: Angst is my favourite thing to write, as well as fear. And I struggle with writing humour, I’m not a funny person to be honest

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?: I always hope they like my writing and the plot, also the way I portray my characters. I want my readers to feel the writing, and the story in general. I just want my readers to truly enjoy what they read from me <3

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?: I was told to always write very specifically and to fit my writing into a mould — don’t write ‘he’s’ but ‘he is’, or write shorter sentences, or stop describing so much. But in the end, there isn’t one way of writing — write the way you want.

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?: only one? ahhh this is hard! But I’d love to see those who from the Pit of Hell, roam to seek their prey on earth be turned into a movie. There are also a couple of wips that I could see on-screen but I’ll stick to that!

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?: chronologically. Haven’t explored anachronies (analepsis/prolepsis) at all, but I might soon!

24. how do you handle criticism?: really well!! As long as they’re constructive and not mean, I love hearing what people think. Criticism is the best way for me, a person whose first person is not English, to improve!

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?: DO IT!! Honestly, don’t tell yourself, ‘I’m not good enough’. Just do it. Open a blank document and write your heart away, even if it’s not a story; just begin it. Explore your writing style, then maybe try to mould it into a plot. Writing is not limited to a certain category of people; it’s not just for those who can write. Writing is for everyone, and like most things, one must begin before improving (practice makes perfect!!) <3

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?: anything!!! Just the fact someone clicked on my story, read it, and took time to leave a comment — just that is enough to make my heart bursts with joy. I am so so grateful to every single person who’s ever read something from me.

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?: The verse I’m talking about is still a wip, but the siren/mermaid one that I’m currently building! I’d love to live in it.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?: Anything, really, my inbox is open to anyone and for everything! I love discussing books, movies and poetry as well as quotes, and maybe I wish people would come forth to ask me more about my fics or my wips, if they have any inquiries! Or I’d love to write drabbles! 

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?: It has made my life so, so much better. Writing has stitched up a gaping hole in my chest. It’s permitted me to improve in English, has made me more confident and has allowed my creativity to flow. I just... I love writing so much. It has also allowed me to meet some incredible people on tumblr, which I’m very grateful for!!

30. why do you write?: for many reasons; to spice up my life, to help me develop my creativity, and because I love it. I’ve always wanted to be a writer.

boost yourself + tags!

1a. share the last sentence you wrote:

The words echo around his head and collide with his temples like truncheon blows.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about:

I’m excited for all of them, but I’ll go with my third BLFF fic. It’s very angsty, post-war, ABO, exes to lovers. It tackles heavy topics, it’s such an emotional fic. I’m so so excited for her (she comes out in January).

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of: 

This is hard. But I’ll go with one from in a sea of mist cause the way Louis answers Harry... I love it:

“I feel like you want to kill me,” he pants out, using his right arm to hold himself up while his other hand comes up to rub at his burning cheek and nose, where Louis had hit him with the sole of his shoe.

“Before our date? No, never,” Louis blinks sweetly, chuckling and climbing up as Harry smiles to himself.

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s): I will do only those that are already published:

best first lines are from the hope that warbles in my fluttering breast: There, against the window, was stuck millions of snowflakes, their see-through quality no more as they huddled together, pushed against hard surfaces by the merciless wind. 

best last lines are from in a sea of mist: It takes a while for Harry to go to sleep, elation pumping through his veins so fast that the previous tiredness he felt has flown out of the window. But when he finally focuses on Louis’ heavened out breathing, and when he breathes in Louis’ natural perfume that always acts as an ambrosia over him, he manages to close his eyes, and for the first time in a while, he dreams of a future that’s devoid of any darkness.

5a. link the last fic you read: currently reading sweet like honey by @falsegoodnight and Spoonful of Sugar by @zanniscaramouche and they’re absolutely amazing!

6a. link the last work you published: in a sea of mist

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable): tomlinvelvet

8a. someone that inspires you: Louis <3 his music and just his personality overall leaves so much scope for the imagination. There are also so many writers (both non-fanfic writers and fanfic writers) that inspire me daily.

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year: even the best laid plans and just a flicker in the dark both by @falsegoodnight as well as eyes off you by @soldouthaz ... these fics are just so amazing, everything about them is top tier

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag! @falsegoodnight @scrunchyharry @hadestyles @mercurial-madhouse @youreyesonlarry @raspberryoatss @jacaranda-bloom @soldouthaz @behisoneandonly @vintageumbroshirt @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @lougendarey @quelquesetoiles <3 no pressure ofc!

[ilovebeingcalledawhore]

GAUCHE | RENJUN

Content: Fluff, School au

Summary: Getting a job at Seoul Metropolitan Library was a way for you to break out of your routines, you didn’t know that humming just a little too loudly in a three floored library could get you to meet your next boyfriend.

Note: Tell me if you want another part + the places written in this one shot were searched up and are real, the exact location is inaccurate.

Warning: I use British spelling.

ONE-SHOT

[3:59 pm] Seoul Metropolitan Library, July 20 2020

I hummed excitedly as I glided into the three-floored library beside our university. Guess who got a part time job? Yes, me! I greeted the woman up front who gave me a little grin back, it was halfhearted but that didn’t matter much, I was finally going to get to do something apart from sitting in my room and shoving my nose into my laptop.

“You’ll end in two hours, your first job is to dust off the shelves on the second floor” the woman said whilst handing me a full black duster. Pretty fancy not gonna lie. “Got you” I pulled it off her grip as we exited the locker room, where I placed my bag.

As I walked up the stairs, I realised that maybe saying “Got you” was a little unprofessional. Making mistakes on your first day will always be a time to remember, I shrugged it off then approaching the first shelf in sight. The shelves were wooden but it was the fancy type of wood, this one shined.

There were also different coloured sofas and bean bags all around the place. That’s when I realised that the woman didn’t even give me a tour! Rude! I scowled but continued to wipe the dust off. It was a calm time for me, casually humming, performing little sways here and there, besides there wasn’t anyone on the second floor...I thought.

“You should hum quieter” The voice was calm and monotone but there was a hint of annoyance in it. I halted and turned my head, feeling the presence behind me. It was a guy around my age, I think I’ve seen him exiting the art block before. He wore a white hoodie and washed denim pants.

He carried a sketchbook in his arm and held the strap of his gray bag in the other. “I’m sorry” I gave him a little grin as an extra sprinkle of sincerity to my apology but he ignored it and walked away. “Jerk” I whispered under my breath, not enough for him to hear.

____

[4:30 pm] Seoul Metropolitan Library, July 21 2020

Today’s my second day of work and my new job is to scan books that are being borrowed. Apparently, around 30 books are borrowed and brought back everyday. On exam, project and holiday seasons, it goes up to 80. Well, this was beside a university anyway.

I sat there excitedly, the scanner just a perfect centimetre away from me. I might have a really cute guy come up and borrow a book and maybe ask for my number! The thought made me excited and I couldn’t help but fantasise about it even more. “Excuse me, stop daydreaming” my thoughts were cut off and a brief second of worry filled my mind.

In front of me was the same guy from yesterday, this time in a plain black shirt and gray sweatpants. Did he look good? Yes, Was he here to borrow a book? Yes, Would I have a crush on him if he wasn’t a jerk? Yes, but was he a jerk? Totally.

I pulled the book off his grip and placed it’s bar code in front of the scanner, after the little beep, I gave it back. “Write your name here” I nudged the white piece of paper to him and I watched as he calmly filled in the blanks.

——

[8:05 am] Yonsei University, July 22 2020

Surprise! No work for today but as usual, there’s school. I pouted tiredly as I dropped my science book down the gray table. Today’s lecture is for applied science. The reason why I’ve always had my nose stuck in my books and laptop was because I was studying.

I honestly enjoyed it, the tiring nights and the good grades you get back right after. It gives me a sense of achievement, like my purpose for the day has been fulfilled. I was already five minutes late but as usual, my teacher is completely non-existent; or would walk in with a cup of coffee in, three, two, one.

“Good morning class” the sound of her heels hitting the hard floor made me sit up, getting ready for whatever topic she’s going to talk about. “As you all may know, today the term gets cut so some students change subjects and I highly advise you not to do the same. Let’s welcome our new students!”

She signalled them to come in and I honestly expected dozens because applied science was pretty popular here but instead, only two entered.

A pretty girl with a classic dress, looking like she was going to ace every single test given and a guy, wearing a half-way buttoned up white shirt and black pants. His figure was way too familiar and I figured that I may know him, so I squinted my eyes a little tighter ‘cause I have shit eyesight and there he was. The same guy from the library.

_____

[4:00 pm] Seoul Metropolitan Library, July 23 2020

“You’ll be working with someone new today and since you’ve done well adjusting to this new environment, you can give HIM a tour”

Him? It’s a guy? My eyes followed the senior librarian’s pointed finger and there he stood before me.

“I’m not saying it’s kinda creepy that you’re everywhere but it’s fucking creepy that you’re everywhere” I said to him, placing my hands on my hips with furrowed brows, shamelessly showing suspicion to his actions. “Oh please, it’s not like you’re attractive enough for me to stalk” he scowled at me.

“Well first of all, I’m one of the most beautiful people you’ve ever met and boy, you can’t deny it” I did an invisible hair flick because my hair was in a bun. “You wish” he uttered and the librarian shook her head at us. “It’s his first day stop bickering” those were the last word’s she said before walking away.

_______

[4:29 pm] Seoul Metropolitan Library, July 30 2020

It’s been a week since I’ve been working with him, we’ve not made much interaction considering the fact that ever since his first day he’s been labelled as my enemy. I continued dusting off the shelves while he dusted the ones beside mine (with our fancy black dusters) but that’s not the point.

“Excuse me?” A soft, small and high voice alerted me. I turned my head to the side and saw this pretty girl holding a book and pointing towards it, she was asking Renjun a question, yes now I know his name. “Where can I find the second book to this?” She asked and I briefly saw Renjun point somewhere before I looked away and continued dusting the shelf.

At least she could get a nice Renjun, all I get is a glaring bitch and I’d have to deal with it for the next ten weeks. The girl walked away and I felt his gaze on me.

“Are you jealous?”

“What?” I halted and gave him the biggest offended face ever. “Why would I be jealous?” I asked and he smirked. “You looked...annoyed” he replied slowly, in a teasing manner and I rolled my eyes.

“How’d you see? Were you watching me?”

I said in a-matter-of-fact tone and he snorted. Let me give this bitch a lesson, I thought to myself, placing my hands on my hips and getting ready to give him the hottest bars.

“I know I’m cute—“ I started and he cut me off.

“Yeah, I know you look cute”

Did he just—? My brows furrowed and a mischievous thought entered my mind. I’m totally teasing him for this.

“...So you agree?” I asked, a smirk crawling up my lips.

“Yeah—” he started “—maybe I do”

[peachade]

Writing Asks

thank u to sarah @soldouthaz, lily @theisolatedlily and late @tomlinvelvetfics for tagging me !!

1. describe how you first started writing and when you first posted

started in eighth grade after moving which fucked me up (i’m still to recover lmao) n i needed a distraction, reading had always helped but writing is what let me see what the root of my agony was. (im not trying to be pretentious i swear) i first started on wattpad (love hate relationship to this day) and beginning of lockdown this year gravitated to ao3 which has been my saving grace !!!

2. which of your characters do you typically resonate most closely with? do you base any characters off of yourself?

so far i’ve mostly written in louis’ pov. i’ve had to ask this question in the early stages — i resonate the closest to harry. most of my wips are harry centric for that reason. i mean, yes and no — i tend to take some part of me and fit it into the character but at the same time i don’t like seeing me on a page so yes and no.

3. where do you often find inspiration?

EVERYWHERE. mostly others’ stories be it in the way of songs, music, writing, art. usually it’s me coming across a vaguely aesthetic picture and my brain spitting out one or two random scenes and me trying to make that a story.

4. has quarantine helped or hindered your writing process?

both !!! i have new wips but also i lost a lot of motivation to do anything for a bit. school is sucking the soul out of me — it’s both easier and harder with it being online, the worst part is i can never truly feel like i’m getting a break from it. recently it’s been easier for me bc of the friends i made (ily all) it’s hindered a little bit bc i can’t go out and watch people and streetlights and the blur of cars and try to pour out that feeling into words and create something. at the same time it’s helped me gain more perspective on people and relationships which has been a massive help to writing in general.

5. do you listen to music/noise while you write or do you prefer silence?

depending on the number of classes i have/attend, my mental stability, the story and my sensitivity. i often can’t stand loud noises so there’s that but there is always some noise or the other so it’s never truly silent. i like it that way. sometimes i just play intense studying playlist on spotify and write, Lucida by Odin Sørlie and Haunted Heart by Dawn, Dawn, Dawn are my favourites.

6. what is your biggest writing pet peeve in your writing or in general?

excessive usage of the same word in mine. in general, i’m not a fan of stereotypical characters or romanticising harmful themes.

7. describe your ideal writing setup

2 am, in bed, music still ringing in my ears, three texts from my best friend about a story or about their day. under the blanket, the room smelling of chocolate or something sweet.

8. favorite time of day to write?

anytime but afternoon. those hours are for naps.

9. favorite genre to write + one you’d like to try writing in the future?

fiction? i’d love to write a fantasy au 👀

10. do you struggle with writer’s block? how do you typically overcome it?

yep yep. i just edit an old story or read my old works or other writers’ fics. i gave up trying to force myself into writing — i hated the end product and felt bad so.

11. what is the easiest part of your writing process and the most difficult?

probably the emotions? dialogue without a doubt — i dread writing it. it doesn’t come to me naturally. i can write lengths without dialogue tbh. also smut — it’s an eh eh aspect.

12. how do you come up with original characters? (if applicable)

my wonderful friends. they do dumb shit and i want to tell the world about their dumb shit so i make characters out of them.

13. what is your favorite and least favorite word?

as of now it is fucker — delightful word that one. least favourite is probably squelch — just no.

14. what is one thing about your writing that you’re really proud of and one thing you hope to continue working at?

the dreamy feeling i manage to write without a doubt !!!! dialogue and pacing. i don’t have the best dialogue or the pacing or the length for fics but i’m working on all of those !!

15. what work of yours has your favorite ‘verse/world building? how did you come up with it?

still a wip so i can’t tell you much except that it’s a proper treat. will write this once i’ve posted that fic !!

16. what font and size do you write in? single spaced or double?

*nervous laughter* the font changes from fic to fic — crush is comic sans, size 11. October was Lora, 11. Twisted in bedsheets is courier new, 11. stargazing is spectral, 11. so yeah — whatever the fic demands. single spaced !!!! except when i’m overwhelmed i do double spaces.

17. what is a typo(s) you find yourself making consistently?

I Cannot Type. if you think i can — congratulations you were fooled. autocorrect is the loml.

18. (if applicable) do you separate fic writing from fandom?

of course !!!! i basically do not exist out of my writing.

19. what emotion is your favorite to write? which is the most difficult?

pain, pining, longing. lust.

20. what is one thing you hope readers always take away from your works?

we’re all fucked up but we’re trying and trying sometimes is enough. you shouldn’t spend your life carved out around one person. it’s okay to ask for help and need a shoulder to lean on. i hope these come across in my future fics !!!!

21. what is the best and worst writing advice you’ve ever received?

bold of you to assume i’ve ever received advice.

22. which one of your works would you most want to see turned into a film/television show?

a new fic. will update the answer once that fic is out !!!!!

23. do you write scenes chronologically or out of order?

chronologically. i can’t do out of order. i do have a page full of scribbles but they are to tell me the order sjakmd.

24. how do you handle criticism?

if it’s constructive then well. no thick skin tbh. makes me feel as if i need validation from someone else on my art which isn’t necessary but my brain is wired to seek it and it’s a hassle.

25. what is the advice you would give to someone who is looking to start writing?

write everything you would want to read. write it bad, don’t worry about the quality. don’t worry about the audience. end of the day, it should be something you can turn to for comfort not something that makes you feel bad.

26. what kind of feedback on your work always makes your day?

people telling me they like my writing and it could take them out of this world for a few minutes !!!!!

27. which fic ‘verse of your own would you most like to exist in? which fic’s characters would you most like to befriend?

probably crush verse !!!! harry — his is probably the one character where i dump most of me in.

28. what do you always enjoy getting asks about/wish people would ask about more?

rant to me about anything. i enjoy talking. ask me about wips so i can take the little guilt and write more.

29. what has writing added to your life? how has it changed you?

it’s nice to let go and express things and create characters with a better situation than mine.

30. why do you write?

keep myself busy.

boost yourself + tags

1a. share the last sentence you wrote

No kissing. No flashbacks.

2a. describe the wip you’re most excited about

a little something i’m writing inspired by @brickredtoe’s art !!!!

3a. share the piece of dialogue from one of your works you’re most proud of

ok. well. from 5436 miles

“Or we could always add a trail of stars to one of those moons,” he replies, words dragged out, rolling around in his mouth.

He can see the glint in his eyes even behind his closed lids. Everything about Louis is inked and etched into every fiber of his being.

He would’ve kissed him, words pouring from his mouth into Harry’s, only half his.

He snorts. “And make it seem like the moon has a buttplug? No, thanks.”

4a. share the best first and last lines from your work(s)

both my published fics have circular endings.

5436 miles — Louis always had more stars in his eyes.

these tornadoes are for you — His heart beats in peace.

5a. link to the last fic you read.

sugary sweet by the immensely talented @soldouthaz

6a. link the last work you published

here

7a. link to your ao3 (if applicable)

wheeee

8a. someone that inspires you

taylor. she’s so so wonderful.

9a. a comfort fic/work that you’ve been grateful for this year

all of riv, sarah, ris and late’s fics. they’ve been so so comforting. Event Horizon by @mercurial-madhouse

10a. other writers that you’d like to tag!

@mercurial-madhouse @harryanthus are the only ones coming to mind atm. i’ve been up for too long apologies.

[buckthegrump]

Late One Night

Summary: That old saying of ‘one night could change your life’? Turns out whoever said that was right. Painfully so. Werewolf!Steve x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, panic attack, fluff, clinical and robotic smut, very minor angst (let me know if i’ve forgotten anything)

Word Count: 5348

A/n: for @moonstruckbucky​ ‘s Halloween writing challenge my prompt was werewolf AU (sorry it’s not a spooky as it could be)

It was mid-September and the weather was finally cooling down after a brutal summer. The night sky was clear and the full moon hung low in the sky. There was a crispness to the air making it just cold enough to need a jacket, something Y/n was grateful for.

She’d gotten off work late, she was about three blocks from her place when she heard a howl that sounded a lot like a wolf. Which she found odd because there were no wolves around where she lived. 

Ignoring the odd noise she continued walking but stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a growl from the woods that lined the street. It sounded close, but there was no reason to be afraid. Right? The woods were more like a park, it had a trail and even had a playground. There shouldn’t be any animals that growl like that in there, and yet.

Y/n only stopped for a moment before she kept walking. Her pace was slow as if she could become invisible if she just kept her movements small and inconspicuous. 

The snarl sounded again and the next thing she knew a force knocked her to the ground. Despite the fact that the moon was bright, she couldn’t see what was attacking her. Nothing was clear all she was sure of was that everything hurt. Her head had hit the concrete hard, she’d landed on her arm wrong and was sure it was broken, and there was the thing that was attacking her causing more pain to flare up in different parts of her body.

She tried to open her mouth to scream for help but all that came out were gasps. She couldn’t tell how long the attack lasted. But when she was finally left alone she knew she was going to die.

Every breath hurt. She wondered if it would stop hurting if she simply stopped breathing but every time she exhaled her body automatically inhaled again. She could hear herself wheezing. Suddenly the one brisk night felt so much colder like someone had just dropped her in the middle of the arctic ocean. 

‘I’m going to die here alone,’ she thought to herself.

But then she saw glowing eyes looking at her from the trees. Unable to decide if she wanted the animal that was staring at her to finish her off or leave her alone she took what she was sure would be her last breath.

It was probably her brain playing tricks on her, but she could’ve sworn she watched a wolf walk out of the wood and transform into a man. She watched the man walk closer to her as her eyelids finally closed.

~

Steve loved his wolf form. It was strong and though it was slightly bigger than the rest of his packs form, he was fast.

Being the night of the full moon the entire pack was out moseying about in their wolf forms with strict instructions to keep themselves hidden, they didn’t need humans digging their nose into the pack's business.

Being the alpha, it was Steve’s job to make sure that people didn’t find out about the pack’s secret.

It was around midnight when he heard it, the sound of someone getting attacked, he knew that running towards whatever was happening as a wolf was a dangerous feat but he sprinted towards it. 

The attacker must have heard him coming because when he got tot he source of the noise there was a woman lying on the ground bloodied and bruised. Her breathing was shallow and her heartbeat sounded weak. But there was something about her scent that made Steve pause. He should’ve left here there, but that wasn’t who Steve was.

He quickly switched forms and walked up to the woman, her eyes met his before the closed.

Making a rash decision that was sure to piss off Bucky, his second, he picked up the almost dead woman and ran back to the pack house.

The only person left at the house was the pack doctor, Bruce. He didn’t say anything as Steve walked into the house and laid the victim on the exam table in the medical room.

Thanks to Tony, one of the pack members, they had a state of the art medical facility in their home. It was where everyone was forced to go if they got badly injured, and where Bruce operated from. He merely sighed before looking her over and assessing her injuries.

Steve didn’t know why, but he was nervous. And it wasn’t what Bucky or Sam would say that was making him nervous. It was that he truly thought that she was going to die and he could not for the life of him figure out why he cared so much.

Bruce was just about to open his mouth to say something when Bucky burst through the door.

Bucky took one look at the mangled woman on the exam table then looked to Steve.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?” Bucky asked.

Steve rolled his eyes. Other alphas wouldn’t have let anyone in their pack, other than their mate, to speak to them like Bucky currently was. But Steve had never been that kind of leader, the only time he gave a direct order was when it was needed.

“Bucky not now -”

“No, now.” Bucky paused and sniffed to confirm his suspicions. “You brought a human into our home, Steve. She could find out and expose us. You’ve just put the whole pack in danger! Did you stop to think about what would happen when she was all healed up and awake?”

“No,” he admitted, “But it doesn’t really matter because she might die.”

“Oh even better,” Bucky said facetiously, “not only will we have a dead girl on our hands but a situation that looks like you were the one to kill her.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” Steve said, even though he knew that was a lie.

“Ya know what? I don’t think I am,” Bucky snapped.

“I couldn’t just leave here there!” Steve growled turning to Bucky who instantly shut up. Steve took a deep breath then tried again. “I couldn’t just leave her there. I will handle it -”

“It actually looks like she’s not going to die,” Bruce spoke up. Both Steve and Bucky turned to the lower-ranking wolf, “I’m not sure how quickly or what kind of permanent damage has been done but, if she makes it through the rest of the night, she’ll be ok.”

Bucky nodded then turned to Steve. “You better hope that she didn’t see anything or is really good at keeping a secret.”

~

It was pushing 3 am when the rest of the pack made their way home. They all had similar reactions to their new houseguest as Bucky but almost all of them kept their temper under control. The only reason Steve knew what they were thinking was because he could read it on their faces. The only other person to say anything was Natasha.

“What happens if she dies?” Was all she asked.

“I will handle it,” he told her just like he’d told Bucky. Natasha rolled her eyes and walked away.

Steve hadn’t moved from the room where the woman was. He stood there hovering over her like he was her protector. Bruce came in for the third time that night at about 3:30 with Bucky right behind him.

Bruce turned to his alpha with a look on his face.

“The good news is, she’s going to make it,” Bruce said but there was something about the way he said it.

“You say that like there’s bad news along with that,” Bucky grumbled.

Steve shifted as Bruce looked back at the woman. She was lying in bed with a blanket covering her to offer some privacy

“Well, there’s definitely more news -”

“Spit it out, Bruce,” Steve said with a bit of authority in his voice.

“She’s healing at a rapid rate,” Bruce said quietly but both men heard him.

“How rapid?” Steve asked he could feel Bucky tense up next to him.

“Her injuries will be completely gone by noon,” Bruce said.

The woman shifted slightly in her slumber and all three men froze, when she continued to lay there unconscious, then let out a collective breath. Bucky started chuckling.

“Please tell me it wasn’t you,” Bucky said still chuckling. 

“It wasn’t me,” Steve answered. When Bucky continued to chuckle Steve looked at him. “Take a walk, Barnes.” 

Bucky didn’t argue as he walked out of the room. It was quiet in the room, the only sound was the beeping of the heart monitor.

“When do you think she’ll wake up?” Steve asked.

Bruce shrugged. “Could only be a few more hours it’s hard to say.”

“If she wakes before I do please come get me, I think the news of her new life might come better from me.” 

Bruce nodded and Steve finally left the room and walked up the stairs to his room.

~

Y/n woke up in an unfamiliar place, it wasn’t the first time it had happened. However, it was the first time she’d woken up in a place that somehow felt like someone’s home and a hospital at the same time.

Everything was way too bright and she could hear a heartbeat, no, two heartbeats. No, more. But when she tried to count the different heartbeats a beeping noise interrupted her thoughts, it was rhythmic and annoying.

She took in her surroundings and found a man sitting next to her. He was watching her very carefully and it was spooking her a little bit but she wasn’t about to let him know that.

“Who are you?” She asked, her voice a little groggy.

“Who are you?” He asked back.

“Pretty sure I asked you first,” she told him and he scoffed.

“Bucky,” a commanding voice came from the doorway and Y/n turned to him. There was something about his blonde hair and demeanor that was oddly familiar to her. The man next to her bed, Buck apparently, stood and walked out of the room. The new man walked into the room. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine I guess but that thing is so fucking loud,” she said pointing to the heart monitor. 

He turned the volume off giving her some relief to the headache she was forming.

“Thank you,” she said. “Who are you? And where am I?”

“I’m Steve,” he told her with a soft smile. “Do you remember what happened last night?”

“I remember getting off late from work and then hearing a wolf which is weird because there aren’t any wolves around here unless werewolves are real. Then I heard something growl from the park and attack me and I-” Y/n looked up at the man who she now remembered from last night. “Oh fuck.”

“What?”

“Werewolves are real and you’re one, aren’t you?” Before he could answer she continued. “Wait, was the attack really only last night?”

Steve gave her a look. “Yes, to both questions.”

Y/n lifted the blanket and looked down at her completely healed body. She then looked back up at Steve, wide-eyed, who pressed his lips into a thin line.

“We have some things we should talk about.”

~

It’d been a few months since the attack and Y/n had fully become a part of Steve’s pack and everyone loved her. She refused to give up her apartment until the lease was up, which would be in seven months, but she ended up spending most of her time at the house anyway when she wasn’t at work. She did manage to always make it home before falling asleep though.

Steve promised her they were looking for the wolf that attacked her but judging from the fact that Steve either sent someone to walk her home or did it himself every night, they weren’t close to finding the attacker.

It was a night when Steve was walking her home and she could tell he wanted to talk about something.

“What is it?” Y/n asked. They were a few blocks from her apartment.

“Ok, so,” he paused then shook his head, “Natasha should probably talk to you about this.”

“Will you just spit it out?” Y/n laughed.

“At some point, you’re going to go into heat and as the most submissive in the pack you will be -” he paused trying to find the right word.

“Are they all going to try and jump my bones?” Y/n asked. She’d already gotten this talk from Natasha, it was one of the first conversations they’d had, but watching Steve blush and try to find a way to approach this was just as much fun as Natasha had said it would be.

“Not the mated ones,” Steve said.

“So Clint and Tony?”

“Yeah basically.” Steve sighed. “It would probably be best if you stayed away from the house for that week when it happens because when males get around a female -”

“Ok, I’m going to stop you right there because Natasha already told me all this,” Y/n told him with a smirk.

“Dear God, how long were you going to let me do that?” He asked as she continued to laugh.

“You should probably get better at giving that talk because damn you’re bad at it,” she giggled. “Most submissive, huh?”

“I know in our pack we don’t really do much about our rankings but when it comes to some things it just doesn’t matter. But I want you to know that no one in the pack would ever actually lay a hand on you, and if they did I would kill them, they’d just say very sexual things.”

“I trust you, I trust all of you. But I will spend less time at the house when I go into heat,” she said and turned her attention down to the sidewalk, “Because I’m a dog now.”

Steve gave her a look.

“I’m fine Steve.”

“I know you didn’t get a choice in all this,” he said softly.

“Well, on the bright side I don’t get my period every month.” Y/n walked up to her door and unlocked it. She turned back to Steve. “Thank you for walking me home.”

He smiled at her. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, so thank you.” 

Y/n didn’t take her eyes off him as she backed into her apartment. The only reason their eye contact broke was because Y/n closed the door.

~

Steve knew that the rest of the pack saw it, except Y/n but everyone else made it very clear they could see that he was developing feelings for the new wolf.  Bucky and Sam wouldn’t shut up about it and Natasha was starting to join in on the teasing as well.

It was a few months after Y/n had joined the pack when everyone was in the house all doing different things. Bruce and Tony were going over some of the equipment in the recovery room. While Steve, Nat, Sam, and Bucky were bothering Y/n while she baked cookies. The one missing was Clint but he came flying into the house and told Steve that a neighboring pack was coming to visit for some reason.

Steve got everyone into the living room but sent Tony and Clint home. The pack waited for a while before they hear them park in the driveway and just a few moments after the car doors slammed shut they walked into the house.

Y/n smelled him long before she saw him. It felt like years had passed before Brock Rumlow and two other males walked into the room.

She’d hoped to never interact with Brock again after they’d broken up. She was also hoping to never have to tell her new friends about him and what had happened between them but seeing as how he was here and apparently a werewolf, that wasn’t going to happen.

Steve was standing in front with Sam and Bucky flanking him on either side. Y/n was hiding behind all of them, she should’ve left when she had the chance.

Y/n wasn’t paying attention to what was going on or what the meeting was about, she was purely focused on keeping her breathing steady. She could feel the onset of a panic attack, she didn’t dare look up from the ground until she heard them begin to walk away. When she looked up Brock was looking right at her, his face was emotionless but there was a look in his eyes that she’d definitely seen before.

She barely held it together as he walked away, she waited until she could no longer hear the car before she let the panic overwhelm her. She was on her hands and knees struggling to breathe because of the tightness in her chest.

Next thing she knew there was a hand on her shoulder and a voice whispering in her hear instructing her on how to breathe. It was unclear to her just how long she was in that position or how long it took her to figure out that it was just her and Steve left in the living room. But eventually, her breathing regulated and she was lying on the floor with Steve lying next to her.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened?” Steve asked softly.

Y/n was quiet for a moment. Not because she was debating telling him or not but because she was trying to distract herself by focusing on how blue his eyes were.

“Why are your eyelashes so long?” She wondered out loud.

“We don’t have to talk about -”

“No I want to, just give me a minute.”

Steve stayed quiet but he didn’t take his eyes off Y/n.

“I used to date Brock,” she said suddenly, “It was a few years ago and then I finally got out of the relationship and moved away from him. I didn’t tell him where I was going. . . I think it was him.”

“What was?” Steve asked.

“I think he was the one who attacked me that night -”

“Why do you think that?” He asked afraid that he could already guess the answer.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” she said in a soft voice.

Steve brushed the pad of his thumb gently across her cheek. “Did he -”

Y/n nodded her head unable to verbally answer. Steve closed his eyes and clenched his fist. She could see the anger building up, she’d seen it all the time when she was dating Brock. But with Steve, it didn’t scare her. Steve didn’t scare her.

She reached over and placed her hand on his fist and he instantly calmed down. After a few deep breaths, he opened his eyes to look at her.

“I’m not going to let him touch you,” he promised.

“Can I stay here tonight?” She asked.

“Of course,” he agreed quickly. He watched a smile creep onto her face and he returned the gesture.

Once Y/n was ready, they got off the floor and spent the rest of the day watching movies with Y/n cuddled into Steve’s side. She fell asleep five minutes into the last movie she’d chosen so Steve lifted her and carried her up to his room. They didn’t have a room ready for her, so he would just sleep on the couch.

As Steve tucked her in she woke slightly and grabbed his hand.

“Stay,” she whispered.

“I’m gonna go sleep on the couch,” he told her.

“Steve stop being so difficult and come here,” she ordered.

He wasn’t sure what it was but he didn’t fight her any further and crawled into bed next to her. Once Y/n was once again snuggled into Steve’s side she fell back into a deep sleep.

~

Steve could hear whispering, he was too tired to try and figure out what was being said. It wasn’t until the body next to his shifted when he was fully awake and knew exactly what was being said and who by.

Y/n was laying next to him with her face in the crook of his neck. One of her legs was draped across his hips and his arms were wrapped around her, holding her close.

“Make them stop,” Y/n mumbled into his neck. Her breath sent a shiver down his spine.

Steve let out a low commanding growl and the whispers stopped.

“How I became the leader of a pack of gossips is beyond me,” Steve said. He absent-mindedly trailed his fingers up and down her arm.

“We should get up,” Y/n said.

“Well, you’re on top of me so you first.”

“But you’re so comfy.”

She shifted again and Steve a smell unlike any other wafted over to him and he knew.

“You’re going into heat,” Steve said mostly to himself but Y/n responded anyway.

“Is that why I wanna rip off all your clothes and ride you into the sunset?” She sighed and sat up. She was still in yesterday’s shirt. Her bra and pants had been thrown to the floor last night while she declared that anyone who could sleep in jeans was not to be trusted.

Steve held back a moan and tried not to picture Y/n bouncing on his cock.

Y/n smiled down at him, “You’re allowed to tell me that you’re not attracted to me like that Steve. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

“Trust me,” he groaned, “that’s not the issue.”

“Then why do you look like you’re in pain?”

“Because I’m doing my very best to not let you have your way with me,” he said again.

“Why?” Y/n asked Steve looked over to see her teasing smile.

“Because you don’t actually want me,” he whispered.

Y/n carefully and slowly moved, giving him more than enough time to stop her, so that she was straddling Steve’s waist sitting on her knees. She leaned down so her lips were right next to his ear.

“Well, I wouldn’t let anyone else fuck me into oblivion,” she said then stood up and got off the bed. She walked over to the door after grabbing her pants. Before she could even grab the doorknob she was spun around so her back was pressed against the door. Steve’s body was impossibly close to her. Y/n’s breathing was labored as Steve looked her up and down like he was trying to figure out where to start.

He leaned his forehead against hers.

“If I do this, there would be nothing stopping me from bonding with you and making you my mate,” he said softly, “and as much as I would love to do that - it’s not a good idea because once you’re someone’s mate that’s it.”

“And?” She asked not taking her eyes off him.

“And,” he said pointedly, “you should get to choose who your mate it.”

“What makes you think that I’m not choosing you now?” She asked.

Steve’s breath caught in his throat.

“Unless I’m moving too fast then I can put on my pants and go home but -”

“Brock could find you there, you’re safer here,” Steve finished for her. “And no, you’re not moving too fast, that’s kind of how it works for us. It only took Natasha and Clint a month to realize that they didn’t want anyone else.”

“How do you know?” Y/n asked. Steve could hear how scared she was of being stuck with someone who would hurt her the way Brock had.

“All the mated wolves I’ve talked to say that it’s hard to explain. That it’s just a feeling you get.”

“And you feel that way about me?”

Steve let out a shaky breath. “Yes.”

Y/n closed the distance between their lips and kissed him.

“Y/n -” he warned. 

“God Steve,” she groaned in annoyance, “do you ever shut up?”

Steve leaned back looking at her in surprise. “Did you really just talk to your alpha like that?” His tone was a mixture of teasing and genuine shock.

“I wouldn’t have to if you would just have your way with me,” she growled. It was the first time he’d ever heard her growl at anyone.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head, “if I were to have my way with you, you wouldn’t be able to leave the bed for a week.”

Y/n whimpered slightly and rubbed her thighs together for even the slightest bit of relief from the tension building in her.

“Besides,” he smirked, “I’m much more interested in you having your way with me.”

Y/n dropped her clothing, that she’d almost forgotten she was holding and pushed Steve back towards the bed.

Steve fell back on the bed still smiling at Y/n. She stood at the edge of the bed and lifted her shirt over her head.

“Take your pants off,” she ordered and Steve wondered if they’d really been so idiotic to believe that Y/n was a submissive wolf instead of just impossibly kind. But he followed her directions removing his underwear too.

Y/n slid out of her panties before climbing back onto him to straddle him, much like she had been a few minutes ago. Steve sat up, pulling her against him.

She froze, she cupped his face in her hands and stared with intensity into his eyes. “You’re not going to hurt me are you?”

Steve pressed a kiss above both of her breasts before repeating the action on her cheeks then one last quick one to her lips.

“Never,” he whispered. She smiled softly and kissed him again then she slid her hands into his hair and pulled his head back exposing his neck.

“Were you serious about me having my way with you?” She asked as she dragged her lips up his neck before pulling oh his ear with her teeth.

Steve closed his eyes and dug his fingers into her hips. With her pussy so close to his cock it was becoming more and more difficult for him to think straight. 

“Deadly,” he answered breathlessly.

“Well then,” she whispered seductively into his ear, “let’s see how well an alpha can take orders.”

Steve whimpered as Y/n pressed one finger onto his chest, silently telling him to lie on his back. She rocked her hips teasing him a bit more before moving so she was straddling his head.

“You have such a pretty mouth,” she cooed.

That was all the encouragement he needed before he wrapped his arms around the backside of her thighs and pulled her down so she was on his mouth. Both of Y/n’s hands were in his hair gripping it tightly as reveled in the taste of her.

“Fuck, Steve,” she whimpered.

Steve opened his eyes to look up at her. She looked ethereal with a blissful smile playing at her lips while her chest rose and fell with each labored breath. Steve took her clit into his mouth and sucked. A few moments later her legs were shaking as she came.

He didn’t let her go until he was satisfied. She was leaning against the headboard trying to catch her breath. He kissed her inner thigh before scooting under her so he could sit up with her in his lap.

“So,” Steve said as Y/n kissed along his neck leaving marks that he would need to wear a turtleneck to hide, “what would you like me to do next?”

She lifted her head to look at him and winked at him. She caressed his cock lining it up with her entrance and lowering herself onto him.

“Jesus, fuck.” Steve gripped her hips again.

“What?” Y/n asked with faux innocence.

Steve growled and tried to get her to move but she forced his hands off her waist and pinned them over his head.

“I thought I was having my way with you.”

“Get on with it then,” Steve said trying to use his alpha voice but clearly Y/n was unaffected by it. 

She t’sked at him. “That’s not how you get what you want, baby boy.”

“Please,” he whined pathetically. “Please let me cum. I need it. I need you.”

Y/n leaned in and brushed her lips against his ear. “I wonder what everyone else would think of their alpha begging to be fucked.”

“Please, Y/n.”

“Only because you’re so pretty when you beg.”

At first, she was slow about her movements. Slowly rising and sinking back down teasing him until he let out a frustrated groan, then she let go of his hands so she could hold on to his shoulders as she sped up.

Steve was losing his resolve.

“Do it, Steve,” she told him, he didn’t have to ask to know what she was talking about, “I want it to be you.”

He pulled her closer to himself as he met her movements with thrusts of his own. When Y/n’s chest pressed up against his he bit down on her neck drawing the smallest bit of blood. That was all it took for the mate bond to snap into place. He licked up the blood droplets and pressed a kiss to where he’d bitten her, his teeth marks already gone.

The feeling of her intensified after their bond was in place and Steve didn’t last long after Y/n came, squeezing his cock. Their moans filled the room and in the back of his mind, he had the fleeting thought about how the pack could definitely hear them.

They sat there for a moment after they’d finished riding their highs. Y/n’s head was resting against his shoulder and Steve’s arms were lazily wrapped around her waist.

“You’re gonna make me pay for the comments I made aren’t you?” She asked breathlessly.

“You bet your sweet ass I am,” he teased. She giggled into his neck and Steve could swear he’d never heard a better sound.

~

Neither of them actually fell asleep that night. They just lay in bed enjoying each other’s company.

“I love you,” Steve whispered in the dead of night.

“I love you too,” Y/n responded sleepily. 

“I don’t know what we’re going to tell everyone, Bucky will be upset that he’s no longer my second,” Steve chuckled. Y/n lifted her head and looked at him.

“What?”

“When an alpha mates with someone their mate becomes their second,” he explained.

“Well, they’re going to have a hard time believing that I can give orders.”

“Not if they heard anything that happened earlier,” he teased and she groaned into his chest. “But that’s not all that I’m worried about.”

“What else is on your mind?”

“What are we gonna do about Brock?” 

Steve rolled over on to his side so he was facing Y/n who was contemplating as she fiddled with Steve’s fingers.

“Honestly? I don’t care,” she shrugged.

“What?”

“At one point I did want him to pay for what he did, but now I couldn’t care less about what happens to him.”  She brushed a strand of hair out of his face. “Why would I waste time thinking about him when I’m here with you.”

“So we do nothing?”

“Well, if he shows up here again, then you can kill him if I don’t do it first,” she conceded. “Now, tell me more about what me being your second means. Does that mean that I get to boss everyone around and have them bring me food when I’m too lazy to get it myself?”

Steve laughed at her comment and they spent the rest of the night talking. Steve knew that the rest of the pack wasn’t going to be on board with this whole Brock situation and just letting him be. But they could deal with that tomorrow, or the next day whenever they decided to get out of bed.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

even more prompts catchup

April 5th: What was school like for you, or what is it currently like for you if you are still in school? Elementary, high school, post-secondary?

i Hate/d school lmfao......like i do Like To Learn and Know Shit, and of course Sometimes / on some occasions it was like, hey i'm having a good to pretty great time at school, but those were usually Special occasions or teachers going out of their way to give us you know, fun projects / go beyond the Standardized Testing curriculum, which natch they couldn't always do / did require sort of going Above & Beyond, rather than being the constant, guaranteed experience of like hooray for school......it's like, oh hooray re: the Play Scenes my fourth grade english class did that was like, an Extra thing, where we got to audition and i just had a great time like oh right, clearly Theatre in retrospect, or hooray re: the field trips, or projects we did In Class, since i hated homework.......i was always that accursed (i mean, not accursed for Me, but) combination of "really a terrible student but also gets great grades" lmao i forever do things Last Minute but like, when i was At school, in class, i'd just power through whatever work there was then & there usually, and in middle school would sometimes do hw on the bus, as i was the last on the bus route to be picked up in the morning or dropped off in the afternoon, but as soon as i got home i was in Home Mode and yknow. didn't just sit down and continue School Stuff asap. also hardly ever Studying unless it's the night / morning before a test lmfao but i had a great memory for that stuff, so studying that last minute was like "yep, i Do remember this from going over it 2 seconds ago" so yknow, despite hating school / no good Study Habits(tm) or anything, i did fine. i also read a ton, at home or at school and at any other point. so i was also like, quiet and generally ~well behaved~ or whatever lol (the like "how are kids (or anyone) supposed to stay focused and on task for 7+ hours a day..." thing), segue into next paragraph

i also remember like, 3 day a week preschool being the first time i was, you know, in some sort of School and also around other kids that much, i did have this sense that like, somehow there were Rules that i wasn't following, not re: Classroom Rules or something, but wrt socializing with peers, like that everyone else had something going on in how they interacted which i wasn't gonna get right, & i had this sense of like, not really being Allowed to interact lmao, even being 4 years old i have a few distinct memories re: this of like, a) choosing to play by myself in the classroom or when outside, and b) my "best friend" being the one person who just like, chose to hang out with me lmfao, but i was like oh cool Having A Friend lmao, like i didn't Not want to have friends, i was just already aware of like, i don't feel like i can just up and interact w/these people and i don't feel like they want me to, and c) re: that being aware of whatever Rules Of Interaction existing and that i wouldn't meet them / abide by them and thus there'd be some kind of repercussion for not meeting those rules, and not being allowed, i remember that like. there was this other indoor playspace in the lower level and there were toys i wanted to play with but Refrained from, and it was like, why did 4 yr old me get the idea i Wasn't Really Allowed, and most of what i can theorize is that it was like, well other kids might want to play with that, and the Normal / Better kids should get priority lmao, and/or being nervous that it just might otherwise lead to some sort of Interaction i wouldn't feel ready for.....and d) sitting at a table with like whatever 4 or 5 other kids or something and amongst ourselves someone was like "oh put your foot in the middle if you're [x]" and i tried to join in on a technicality lmfao and also just in, you know, active efforts to be Participating with these other kids on their terms, and it did not pay off, something that repeated uhhhhh, forever i guess lol. insert that post like can allistic people be normal for 5 seconds.....

like in elementary school i wasn't really making friends either, incredibly, i was Amicably Tolerated by many people then & like, again also at any point after at least lmao (and it helps that i was generally in teachers' good graces, not that i narced on anyone ever, but i had like, my Niche as the Academically Successful One, and also i was the kid who draws, another shoutout to some post and tweet about how being The Drawing Kid was like, some measure of respect but also disdain lmfao...) and sometimes people would again like. choose to interact with me repeatedly, and i'd sort of be nonplussed at best b/c it's like, okay thanks but in this situation i didn't Choose this any more than i choose [Trying to be in the group but being rejected/excluded], so it's kinda weird, i was friends with someone for a few years in elementary school but we just were Coincidentally in the same class for those years, when we were in different classes in 3rd or 4th grade and just weren't seeing each other it fizzled out, in middle school i made another couple friends where we were all being Funny lmao, but i didn't go to high school, so once again we weren't seeing each other, and [At School] was where i always had most Interactions with people, didn't see people much outside of school even if we were hanging out / being friends During school, for [a whole tangent] reasons, so. guess the good news is i'm still in touch / friendly acquaintances with some people from school from college, but even then, there was Some more social success or whatever, but not all That much, and i was still unhappy like, not having many friends, often being like "i'm going to the cafe a block away b/c i have no social occasions here and i want to get out of the dorm / be around people," that if i was with more than one other person i could end up the third wheel friend lmao or nobody is paying attention when you talk or oh no i put myself out there hanging with a friend group but maybe people thought you were a joke or something, thanks. smh

and that like, speaking of college, i went early but this was, for my part, truly primarily driven like "well i hate school so if i can Not go to high school, okay" and like, while i got in and everything it was still like "tf is college, i've never known what i Want To Do so i wonder if i'll figure this out, but i'm not expecting to last past the first semester / year b/c this is college and i'm a terrible student actually lol" but then turns out i kept doing well enough like A's & B's like oh woops i guess i'm still here, then, hope i can figure out what tf "credit hours" means (finally did lol).....then sophomore year was a bunch of just Agonizing over "what tf do i major in," something i never figured out, wherein i might bring something up & it got parentally shot down like "never heard you talk about that" like what tf Did you hear me talk about? are you thinking i had my life figured out by age 9, b/c i didn't think that, i'm only 15/16 even Now, even being the Regular college age it's like, nobody's figuring their life out then. also i didn't tell my parents things, so. and then i settle on something that sure, Might've been of interest, but also it was like, a) a program that barely existed and req'd taking classes at a like 30 min away campus and also the head of department had Just retired and the most heinous teacher in the related fields was now in charge, brilliant and b) the sort of thing you'd just wanna start taking prerequisites for like as soon as you set foot on campus, like, great. and c) i was like, hardly feeling all the Academic Ambition anyway b/c i never had, b/c i hate/d school, and b/c i still didn't Know what i wanted to major in, and i was stressed n depressed and also realizing oh right, i'm not cishet, and oh right, i'm never going to get along with my family b/c [long tangent] reasons and that's kind of concerning, here i am impending Being 18 and like, how do i get out of this b/c it's becoming clearer that i'm not just gonna start getting along with the 'rents now that i'm not an elementary schooler and also now that i'm realizing the Reasons being at home sucks. guess i learned stuff in college lol but also it was like, the experience of getting to be Away From Home and existing every day without parents literally / figuratively over my shoulder at some point every day, and getting to do shit on my own and figure things out while Not At Home.....i also had a lot of fun taking a couple classes from this one music prof lol. he was this weird really enthusiastic and really knowledgeable guy lmao like great, these evening classes where we go over to the arts building and he plays things on the piano off the cuff and tells a lot of tangential stories while we're learning about like, beethoven technically, or folk music. didn't need those classes but they were great, i've had these teachers who were totally into whatever they were teaching and had a great time with that

also acknowledgment to the fact i was a No Extracurriculars person all through school, k thru 6 and college alike really, although i took dance class for that k thru 6 period, just that was separate from school actually (and another fun "being away from home" thing and Theatresque performance thing i enjoyed) but besides that it was like, how do i figure out what i want to do without committing to joining this whole thing, i don't know How to sign up for stuff really either, and it'd probably entail "asking for stuff" and needing to coordinate more rides and etc and that's just a hassle, and i wanna go home from school asap anyways, and then like, when it came to college, i was again at first thinking like "well idk what i'm doing and i hate homework so i'll probably mess it up in this first year anyways" and figured that doing anything Extra outside classes was just gonna be too much, and also, it's like, i've never been in these kinds of groups before and why am i gonna start in college, where there'll probably be all these people who Have done this stuff before, and are also 18? e.g. even though it was like "hey you're away from home and don't have to ask/tell anyone else anything to do this club stuff or whatever!" supposed ideal environment for trying stuff out, it was like, maybe i'm theoretically interested in auditioning for the fall theatre production, but the last acting experience i had was like, "2 month drama class in middle school" or "that 4th grade [section of a] play" so like, not really Any education or experience or Training re: any of that stuff, and a bunch of 18 yr olds who might've, or [age peers] who were theatre people who had already done stuff so they weren't getting Lead Roles or anything but they were getting cast / taking classes / joining an a capella group while i'm like right on, i'm over here with some sort of Grade Honor Society (??) saying my gpa qualifies me to join and be able to experience some further academic rigor/requirements lmfao and i'm like absolutely not. get away lol. anyways so bit of a chaotique Post K12 Zone Education Experience there lmfao, all kinds of things i'd Like to Learn and even take classes on, but didn't like, right i love learning languages but never took classes, love math and shit but only got to a certain level of calc and even then seemed to miss some Lore, never did anything re: theatre, etc and so on. so you wonder if some advantages re: high school would be like, more chances for those extracurriculars (or regular curriculars) but, as though i wouldn't have the same qualms about getting in on any of it, and as if i wouldn't've still hated school but also still been at home, F. and i think people can be a lot more normal to each other when it's college and you're Not stuck in one building together 8 hours a day lmao, got some gentle "occasional Bullying style attention" in middle school, but had juuust enough like, [that Niche of good grades / kid who draws] and people who Were friendlier to me that it was you know, unpleasant, but didn't have to be that huge a deal, and then i was outta there soon enough. also, in college many people are 18 or older, as opposed to 11 to 13. anyways the rest of my school story was that in the end the problems were "i don't know what i want to major in and also now's a worse time than ever b/c i've realized my existence At Home is untenable, and naturally i am quite depressed & stressed about things, and i gotta say absolutely virtually every adult presence was either totally unhelpful to Counterproductive here lmao, like, not much anyone could do really but it's helpful when someone is like, i'll treat you like a person vs simply just going 'uh why are you not doing the academic stuff good enough'" lmfao like. the whole time Not having friends i'd wanna talk to through class and happening to get good grades in part b/c i somehow Could as easily as i did and also i was afraid of getting C's or worse b/c "tfw i wasn't even yet in a grade that gave you A thru F grades yet but my older sister caught shit for getting a C

like :/" and etc means adults are like My Student Is Fine, and also, what are you gonna do even if they aren't, i guess. i just had to figure out completely for myself Why and How i really wasn't Fine and that was quite difficult and also took a long time. then there was a mutual prank of "i drop out of college at the tail end of things" and "now i have to be at home with parent/s more resentful of your obvious Waywardness (insert: not being cishet, and the fact it occurs to me that my being autistic was always causing 'problem' behavior i was getting shit for like, the whole time lmfao, even if nobody knew / labeled it like oh this is for ND reasons, or if it was both true i tried to come out (smh, thought i Had to b/c that was part of Not Being Cishet) and it was simply ignored / unaddressed and yet it sure fueled further specific resentment of my not Performing Gender properly, or "worse," so that went well, in that i eventually abruptly left and did not maintain contact, in the interest of "the levels to which i was thriving was like, that if i bailed and like died 50 hrs later it'd still be what i want to do," true to that i did not / don't regret it. and what do you know, i was first able to bail to a relatively nearby friend from college's home, whose family also liked me lmao. shoutout to school still being where i made Any friends, except a friend i made who was a coworker of several years. and Online Friends, which, another school connection, that like, i can more readily Connect w/people via talking about interests, something that happened Sometimes at school in person lmao but not much, but also that i Talk About Interests in a way through Drawing, which, well shoutout to doodling in the margins of papers throughout school lmfao, it didn't hurt! that's my saga.

oh and that footnote, i also really enjoyed the "in middle school you either take language classes or 4 Electives you rotate through each year" and those electives sure featured some more varied and hands on activities i had a great time with. shoutout to like, cooking, and to shop class, my Car Designs were great apparently, idk how. shoutout to my Intuition re: engineering or something lmaoo.....very fun to just end the schoolday in that big garage space where you could actually open that garage door right to where all the buses were, beautiful. Oh, and that's another footnote, when my last class of the day in 8th grade was english, i'd sometimes finish work early and my teacher would let me go to our spacious library, with the v nice librarian who'd recommend books to me she thought should be checked out more often b/c she knew i liked to read that much, and also just generally had teachers / other adult staff kinda wandering in at the end of the day, talk about "i don't really relate to other ppl my age" where i did generally prefer to be around adults, so that was fun. oh and also shoutout to hating school lmao wherein during like, middle school when the schoolday started at like 7:30am or smthing disgusting and i just learned to like, view whatever time it was in a "at least it's almost [x]" like well okay, first period is math and that kinda sucks but at least once it's over this hardest part of the day will be over, then next class is kinda more chill at least, and then it'll be the last period before lunch, etc etc etc where i could sort of keep up that stamina like telling myself at any point it was Almost [a more encouraging time of day] lmao like. kinda fucked up to have to be dragging yourself through the weekdays like that, but

Oh! goddamn and i didn't even get into that if i ever got in ~trouble~ in elementary school it was stuff like Not Paying Attention, but where half the time that might be some other kid beside me messing around lmfao and i'm not gonna be like "uhhh follow the rules!!!" (and that even when i was In Trouble like go sit in the chair where you have to be quiet there for like 10 min i might say something to some other kid in that zone and they'd be like "um it's the quiet chair you have to be quiet!!" or "uh we're getting into the next lesson and you have to put that book back asap" like wow these other kids are dweebs about Rules lmfao) and there'd just be times like, it's 1st grade and i know how to read pretty well already but we're going over the alphabet like stoppp i know the Phonics already........or the ways ND people can kind of Intuit some stuff more successfully, like in third grade learning multiplication i neverrrrr studied but just broke it down like, okay i remember the Fives b/c of telling time, i know the 2x table and stuff, i know the commutative property, if we're all the way at the 8x and i haven't Memorized stuff, i can still like, break it down to say, [5 x 8] + [8 x 2] or something when i see 8 x 7, even if it takes a second lmfao.......and stuff like the tragedy of when i Did make a friend in like, 2nd grade, who i think we didn't even talk to each other ever?? i was playing legos or smthing by myself once during Indoor Recess and she just started playing agreeably along with me, aka someone socializing on My Terms apparently as our Introduction, and we just were friends past that but one time, not even during a Lesson Session, we were messing around quietly making each other laugh as the incredibly important process of "put papers in your folders" was going on, and since we were Not Paying Attention for some reason the teacher made a whole example of it where i had to carry my desk across the classroom for the Shaming Element of it and also so that i had to permanently sit way further from that friend, so that was kind of discouragement re: interacting at all. thank you to that teacher, who'd later once Gesticulate to me from across the gym that i should put my arms down at my sides rather than being crossed (we were rehearsing some class performance) & i had no idea what she was trying to convey, so afterwards she told me i had to have Reduced Recess Time or some shit because of Ignoring her instead of putting my arms down lmfao. and i was irritated at having been misinterpreted / my Intentions dictated to me and punished like that, but i was also used to it from adults lmfao and did not bother explaining myself lol like yeah god forbid i left my arms crossed on purpose and now i have to read some more during recess. tl;dr school has so much nonsense & i def had some Times re: being autistic & also just being someone who hated school forever lmao, think it was Also 2nd grade where one arbitrary sunday night i just cried out of frustration at having to go back for another normal school week. classic. oh and that also, while i wasn't like "oooo booksmart people who hate not having a Definitive Correct Answer to things &/or ohhh autistic ppl So Good at math, in a way everyone hates and disrespects, but they suck at Literature/Arts which requires you to reflect on humanity and shit," like, not only was i the drawing kid but i was also apparently ahead of the curve as it were at like, Literary Analysis lmfao where there was a few times in elementary school i'd be the kid providing the Interpretation like "what's this poem about / what's the theme or Symbolism in this story," but from elementary school to college it's like, for god's sake don't ask me to come up with a story / work with some really open ended prompt, i don't Invent in that way, and when i try to draw on Inspiration i'll get stuck on some specific source and be unable to do anything but just rip it off really lmao. but then again i was prolific in "it's 1st grade and you write and illustrate a little short story or smthing in these booklets

that we then have a simple little binding process for" like ohhh fancy, i got a tootsie roll lollipop at Awards Time for writing a shit ton of those lol. but that's like, when you're too young to have that much of a Creative Process anyways lmao. but then, my older sister, whose Thing was writing, has an incredible 2 Volume like, noir mystery saga from those elementary school times, it's a classic lmao. anyways once again so much to say about School lol closing the door after meandering on that one for this long lol

April 6th: Are you able to drive? If so, was it difficult to learn? What was difficult about it? If not, do you use any alternatives?

i did learn to drive, tbh just universally it's like, at any point you're driving there's A Lot to pay attention to at once, even if you think you're Good At That or whatever, which i sure don't think i always am lol, and it's pretty wild we just, you know, let everyone go around as fast as they want in machines that can kill you or someone else, and this is also Unnecessary b/c like, let's have accessible & reliable public transit so that everyone can travel without Needing to have a car / someone else who will drive them. i didn't think i had too much trouble learning to drive, but it had to help that i just took it very seriously from the start lmao like, well, i'm quite aware i could kill someone with this. the driving classes i took were alright, i remember the instructor being pretty chill and friendly lol. rip to the fact i could be tense when driving with parent/s, when driving a manual i'd always like screech the tires when accelerating out of a Stop, until all at once it was like "and i'm driving that manual car alone on a road trip & wouldn't you know it, only literally once did i have that issue of not getting out of a stop smoothly enough" lmao like the Anxiety......really like yeah i had an alright time learning and think i'm solid enough at driving / like doing it, theoretically, but Driving Is Wild just in general and let's have that public transit

April 7th: How are you with sarcasm and/or metaphors/figures of speech? Do you interpret things very literally?

i think i Usually get what people mean with these Devices but i can't really say lol, but anytime you know, someone is being more Implicit in what they say, plenty of times i can infer one implication and only later realize they probably meant a different one, or yknow, i make whatever initial inference i make and can be stuck like "???" and have to like, mentally run diagrams about the interaction lol......meanwhile i'm not always remembering that like, if i'm shifting context mentally that's necessarily able to be inferred by whoever i'm talking to lol, whether it's about getting into some adjacent topic or like, i don't think it tends to be very clear even in person when i've started being sarcastic lmao, like i know that can be true for anyone but it's like well, guess i gotta make it clearer i'm doing a bit......flipside of that or something lmao that people are more Obvious than they think they are sometimes about like, idk, when someone is sort of making some sarcastic remark to you but the sarcasm is also sort of only to themself, aka just like okay i know you mean this more dismissively / disparagingly than re: what you're saying just at face value lol like. just always fun >:/

[claryaastark]

Endlessly

04162020

March 25, 1920

Dear You,

I am writing this letter just to let you know that I still miss you so much, my love. Being far from home is not easy, I made a lot of adjustments here in our dormitory. We do a lot of scheduled daily tasks, also the housemistress is very strict. I cannot eat my mom's special calderata, I don't really like the foods here, the amount is small and it tastes way too different from my mom's cooking. I miss the smell of my father's brewed coffee as I woke-up every morning. I miss the sound of the water from the Estero and the cool breeze of the wind from my window. I miss Binondo, and most importanly, you.

It's 8:30 in the evening, the housemistress will do the head count and evening checking at 9. Writing this letter for a short span of time is not easy, especially now that I am expressing how much I long for you. I still remember the first time that we met. I was riding the Kalesa with ate Maria, on the Calle Escolta. And I saw you lifting a sack of flour on the famous Pan De Sal bakery. You held my hand and help me get down from the Kalesa to get the orders from your shop. And that moment of time, I fell inlove with you. I remember the times when I used to sneak from our house's window during dark and we are going to ride the boat and roam along the Estero de Binondo. You are holding my hand, and we are both hoping not to get caught. As we look at the stars above, and the moon shines through us. We used to do a morning walk on the Calle Real Palacio and enjoy the scent of the fresh Kalachuchi. You also love to pick a pink gumamela, and put it beside my ears while telling me how lovely I am and how much you want to be with me.

I can't also forget the time that you held the guitar and sing for me in the Plaza Moraga during the town's feast. I was so happy that time and I feel like I was the luckiest woman in the world. You held my hand, and asked for the permission of my parents. And we danced. We danced under the stars while you speak to me, telling me how beautiful I am that night, telling me how much you appreciate me. After that, you ask me to marry you and I said yes. We were just so happy.

But the world is uncertain and things always change. Two months before our wedding day, a letter came to me. I was accepted by my dream university here in Baguio City. This is something that I've been waiting for a very long time, this is my dream. But chasing this dream for myself also means losing you. And I don't want that to happen. I tried not to chase this dream for myself and just be happy with you. But you pushed me, you pushed me to do this for myself. You made me choose this dream instead of you. It's hard, but you promised that you will wait for me. Even if it takes forever.

But promises are meant to be broken. I know that you won't read this letter and there is no chance of seeing you again. But I want you to know, that I still mourn for you. That I will never have the chance to move on and get over from that night. That night when a letter came to me telling that you died from an accident. It still feels like a dream to me. All our hopes, all of the things that we planned together were just gone, in a snap. I can't do anything, I can't force things to happen. It hurts, I still cry every night my love. I miss you so much. And writing this letter is just my way to live in a dream. A dream that you and I are still together. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life. You will always be my love, my life and my everything. I know that will meet again, someday. Someday.

Forever Your Love

~

Today is March 25, 1970. It was so weird that I saw this letter out of nowhere while cleaning my dorm. And upon reading this, I didn't notice that I was already crying. I can feel the pain of the woman who wrote this. I don't know who this person is, nor the ending of their story but I hope that she found her happiness.

I pick the letter and put it on the box of my stuff. I insert my newly purchased CD on the Sylvania console stereo. This is a gift from my father before I left Cebu to study here in Baguio city. He knows so well that I love music so much and it was some sort of magic that makes me feel comforted. I played Let It Be, the last song that was released by my favorite band, The Beatles. Two weeks had passed since Paul McCartney stated that he is leaving the band. It was heart breaking especially for me, who is a big fan of this band. Sadly, I prepare for my morning class while listening to their last song.

Long day was over. Everything is just typical. Acads, people, routine. Though it was still tiring. I am a Fine Arts student in University of The Philippines here in Baguio City. Living an independent life is not easy. I miss my family so much, I miss my mom's cooking, my dad's silly joke as we spend our time under the mango tree during siesta. I miss my friends in Cebu, the sea, the farm. I miss everything about my home. The sun is setting and I am walking along the busy street of the Session Road while wearing my earphones. I decided to eat my dinner alone on Inihaws, my favorite restaurant here. While eating my dinner, I noticed a boy who keeps staring at me. I tilted my body to block his view, it feels awkward and creepy. As I continue to eat my food, I can see on my peripheral vision that he is still staring at me. I heaved a sigh and look directly to his eyes, I waved my hand and patted the seat beside me. Asking him to come and sit.

“What are you staring at?" I asked arrogantly.

He pouted his lips, pointing my plates and artworks. Ah, so he's looking at my artworks.

“What about them?" I asked him.

“They're nice and classic, I love them. Fine arts?" He talks so manly and attractive, uhh?

“Yup. There is just something that I saw this morning which inspired me for my plate today"

I explained as we both looked on the sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling. They are the people on the letter that I read this morning.

The conversation went smoothly. I found out that he is an Architecture student on Saint Louis University, we are both into arts. I got no stuff to do this evening, so I decided to go with him as he asked me to have an evening walk along the Session Road. We talk about our interest, arts, music, things that we are fond of. We got a lot of things in common. He talks a lot, and I like how quick-witted he is as he tells a lot of jokes. We didn't notice the hour, it was already 10 in the evening. I do not as well, but I don't feel scared on this man that I just met few hours ago. I feel comfortable and we have this sort of connection like we knew each other on the past. We spent the night telling each other's story. We went to his small art room, and he painted me. He ask me to hold a plastic flower as I smile while he is painting me. It seems like I met a stranger, and this whole night is like a fairy-tale.

It was already 3 in the morning, we are sitting on the grass while we look on the city lights below. It was so beautiful. As well as the man beside me, he is lovely. I didn't ask for his name but it feels like I already know him so well. He tilted his head on my direction and caught me staring at him, he smiled and out of nowhere, his face turns sad.

“I'm married" he said.

I was shocked. I was hurt, and there is something that stings on my chest.

“I know you since we were freshmen, I first saw you sketching on the Inihaws. You are alone and you seem so committed with your passion. I find it so adorable, the way you move your hand, the way you put your hair on the side of your ears. The way you frown your forehead as you make some mistakes. I fell in love with you, the first time I saw you. Since then, I always follow you. I see you walking on the street while wearing your earphones. I always see you eating alone on the Inihaws. I always see you smiling on the street vendors, you are adorable as you say your good morning to them. And when I finally decided to introduce and show myself to you. My mom from Sagada called me. Asking me to come home. That day, I went home to Sagada. I saw my ex-girlfriend, and she has a child — our child. We were a stubborn, inlove teenagers during high school. We broke up just like a typical puppy love story. But I didn't know, that I got her pregnant. My son is already two years old when she showed up. She can't raise our child alone, so she decided to tell it to me and my family. Two months after, we get married."

My heart is aching as I listened to his story, I feel bad for him, I feel bad for us. I didn't speak a word. I just let myself stare on the city lights below. I can't process my thoughts right now. Feels like the fairytale is finally over. Surprisingly, he held my hand.

“I love my son, he is the reason why I am working hard to become an Architect. I love her mother, but not the way that I love you from a far. I fell in love with you and you deserve to know it. I was so happy loving you from afar, and thank you for that. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then, let's say goodbye I see you in another life, Stella"

He called my name, and he left.

Those were the last thing that he said that night. And I never saw him again. Maybe, maybe someday we will have the chance to love each other not just from afar. We will be together, someday.

~

March 25, 2020. This is it, this is the day that me and friends are finally seeing each other! After one year of not meeting everyone because of College, we're finally going out today. We chose the art exhibit as a venue for our date today. I'm excited! I kissed my mom as I went downstairs for breakfast, she teased me that our plan for today will be cancelled because of my excitement. I love my mom so much but sometimes, I hate her for ruining my moments hmp. I eat my favorite egg roll and decided to ignore her.

The time is 2:30 in the afternoon. I am already prepared for today's meeting. I drove the car and play my classic OPM playlist. I love music so much, and I can't live without it. Kamikazee's Tagpuan is currently playing, I bang my head and sang along with the melody of the song. It's 4 in the afternoon when I arrived at the venue. It is odd because I see no familiar face here. I opened my phone to ask where they are, and found out that the exhibit plan was cancelled during the last minute. And they decided to just eat on the restaurant nearby our place. I don't know what to feel, I feel bad for not checking my phone before leaving the house. I feel bad for being excited, mom is right. I don't know but I kinda felt lazy to go on the restaurant near our place because I traveled to get here for 2 hours. My excitement just all went down. I get in the car and think. Upon fighting with my thoughts I decided to just stay here and continue the exhibit plan, alone. It is a new experience though.

I went inside and everything feels amazing. I’m not an artsy kind of person, I don’t have any talents in art but one thing is sure — I really do appreciate art. I love to spend my time on looking at the green grass outside, the blue sky above and the beauty of nature. I do love aesthetic things because it reminds me that despite of being cruel, beautiful things on this world still exist. The ambience is nice, the people are few but I can see that they are enjoying the paintings inside the hall. I walk and took a photograph of the artworks. After that, I posted it on my instagram story and send it to our group chat to tell them that I can’t make it on our dinner anymore. And I decided to just stay here and stick to the original plan.

I roam around the hall and appreciate the beauty of art. While walking, a painting caught my attention. It was a woman with curly hair, and she was smiling from ear to ear. She was wearing a floral dress and holding a piece of rose. The woman seems so happy and I can feel the genuine emotion of the one who painted it. Is her boyfriend the one who painted her? It was romantic. Suddenly, I feel something weird and unexplainable on my chest, I can really feel something on this painting. Something that is connected with me.

“It was nice and classic, isn’t it lovely?”

I was shocked when someone has spoken out of nowhere, I tilted my head on the direction of the voice, it was a man. He was wearing a black shirt, and he is holding a camera. He is smiling sincerely while looking at the painting, weird but it seems like the voice came from the painting itself.

“Uhh yes. This painting feels so real and sincere. I can feel the emotion of both the painter and the subject” I said while looking directly at the painting. And I was smiling.

Our conversation went smoothly, and it seems like I found an instant date. He talks a lot and I found out that we were on the same University. He is an Engineering student, and he loves to play the guitar. I felt fascinated because I was attracted with men who are inclined to music. We roam around the hall and we were just so happy. Finally, long day is over and we bid our good byes. But before that, he asked for my phone number.

Oh shoot. I forgot to ask his name. But nevermind, I still have a lot of chance to meet him again. I smiled as my phone beeps and I got a text message from an unknown number.

“Take care, I had a good time. See you around” -Mr. Engineer

That’s the text message. I went home with a big smile on my face, the date with my friends have been cancelled. But I found a new experience today. Something more happy, and amazing. I lay in bed and look at the ceiling of my room along with its fake galaxy. I smiled as I remember the man that I met few hours ago. While giggling, I replied on his text message.

“Good night, Mr. Engineer! Had a good time too” -Ms. Psychologist.

To sum it up, we talk on the phone everyday. He always made my day, he always make me smile. He jokes a lot and he had a lot on his mind. He is quick-witted and very manly. After a few weeks of talking, I admit that I already had a crush on him. Along with that, we decided to spend our time together. And as time passed by, I am knowing him more and more.

We had the same interest in almost everything. We watched the same movies together. We listen to our favorite songs. We eat our favorite foods. Though we never share any of our favorite foods, especially him who can fight with anyone who touches his food, even me. We travelled places to taste various delicacies. We went to church regularly to pray. He became a part of my everyday. He loves picking a flower and putting it on the side of my ears. He loves playing the guitar for me.

It was really nice, to found someone who appreciates every little thing on you. Someone who can lend his ears and shoulder to listen. Someone who can cheer you up whenever you are feeling down. He loves kissing me, but loves hugging me more. I felt home and safe on his arms. It was weird but there is something that is telling me, that we really had the connection and we knew each other a very long time ago. All that he made me feel was something new. It was my first time, to fall inlove with someone. I had no doubts and regrets.

But the world is always uncertain, there are lots of things that we are unsure, so is us. We are just happy, and then in just a snap we parted our ways, and we fell apart. Maybe another place, maybe another time. Till then let’s say good bye, I see you in another life. I know that he is a blessing from God, and whatever it takes. We will meet again, someday.

Parang isang panaginip, Ang muling mapagbigyan, tayo ay muling magkasama.

Panatag na ang kalooban ko, At ika’y kapiling ko na Kay tagal kitang hinintay

I smiled as this classic song by Spongecola played on my car’s stereo. Today is 25th of March, 2025. And I am finally seeing him again. I smiled, a nervous smile mixed with excitement.

It was weird because last night, as I was fixing my stuff in our Ancestral house in Bagac, Bataan, I saw an old box . It was a collection of CDs, some of the albums are from The Beatles. And I saw a very old letter, the pen was already disappearing and it was already stained. The letter was from March 25, 1920. It was very old ; a hundred and five years ago. Along with the letter, I also saw an artwork. A sketch of a woman riding a Kalesa, and a man who is holding her hand, they are both alive and smiling on this artwork. I asked mom about this stuff, and she said that it belongs to my great grandmother, Stella. It was her stuff during her college days on Baguio City.

Anyway, after the very long wait. I am finally seeing him again.

The hall is full of people. I am wearing a red polka dots dress, I know that black is his favorite color but I want to show him something new. It seems like I was lost in the crowd and I can’t see him anywhere. But as I was walking through the sea of people, someone held my hand and whispered.

“You look so beautiful, baby. You never changed” I got teary-eyed as I heard his voice. Oh God, I miss him so much. I miss this man. The man that I lost and the same man that I found again. The long wait is over, we finally have the chance to be with each other. I hugged him tight, the only man that I ever loved, love and I will love wherever and whenever.

“Baby, I’m no angel, I’m just me. But I will love you endlessly” those were the words that I whispered through his ear.

“We parted our ways together, we fell apart but fate will always make a way for us. Time will always tell. In another place, in another time, we will always be together, our love is endless”

Words that I said, while directly looking into his eyes.

It’s 25th of March, year 2030. And today is our wedding day.

[thedangelos]

one more year | the whole crew

scotia -> charlie

Scotia can smell the wine on Charlie’s breath and even as they stumble on the uneven sidewalk, it makes him chuckle. 

“We’re a block from the car at best, Charlie, are you going to make it?” He teases his boyfriend, tightening his grip on the arm Charlie has around his shoulders. 

Charlie retorts something about being perfectly functional all while leaning more into the older man for support and Scotia snickers. He thinks that perhaps Charlie shouldn’t be so endearing to him this way, hammered on the night he’s turned 37, but Scotia can’t help it. This spirit is what he fell for in the first place. 

Charlie gives him a look and Scotia immediately knows what’s about to happen. His hands come up to Charlie’s cheeks the moment Charlie turns towards him and just a moment later he’s kissed deeply. It’s sloppy and tastes like pinot noir but laughter bubbles in Scotia’s throat anyway as his back presses against the storefront they were passing. 

“You’re crazy, you know that?” He mumbles between their lips, to which Charlie slurs back, “Crazy in love. With you.” 

The happiness on Scotia’s lips is smothered with kisses and he thinks to himself, this man is going to keep him young till the very moment he dies. He inhales through his nose so he doesn’t have to break apart from Charlie and indulges the more inebriated man in a form of affection they otherwise wouldn’t have on the streets. 

It’s only when their kisses slow and their noses are touching slightly so they can catch their breath that Charlie speaks again, sounding more sober than he has in hours.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

“What is it, Charlie?”

“Don’t let Dex plan my parties anymore. I might be getting a little too old for this...”

And Scotia erupts into a complete laugh. “Alright, next year’s on me. Now, let’s go home.”

chris -> will (spy au)

Like any casual Tuesday between them, they’re huddled together, cold, dirty, exhausted and alone. They’ve been hiding out in the very abandoned warehouse where they took shelter hours ago from the Polish mob, trying to find a clearing to escape several times with no avail. And with HQ failing to respond to their extraction calls, it’s become apparent that they’re going to have to get themselves out of this one.

Being still and quiet is pertinent to surviving, so Will raises a brow quite high when he sees Chris rustling through his utilities. His hiss of an inquiry of, “What are you doing?” goes unanswered and he’s left to simply watch Chris unwrap one of his rations before pulling a match from a different pocket.

“Almost forgot,” Chris grumbles as he strikes the match against the sole of his boot and digs it into the ration. 

Realization begins to dawn upon Will just as Chris smirks at him, “Happy birthday-”

“Are you completely insane?”

“Completely, yeah,” Chris’s lips grow into a grin. “Come on after all this shit at least acknowledge that you made it one more year to here, hm?”

Will looks into those blue eyes and as they reflect the dull glow of the match, he can remember all the times in their youth when Chris had surprised him. Bought him silly little snacks with candles in them, insisting on celebrating that he was alive and a blessing to him. 

“You’re my best friend,” Will could hear the echo of Chris’s voice now from a version of him long gone, “And I’m going to make a big deal of this if I want to.”

He watches Chris wait with bated breath for his partner to accept the gesture of the best version of affection that he could put forth. It’s only after a beat that Will supposes he it would be alright to lean over this one time and blow the match out. 

And instantly Chris’s lips are on Will’s, devouring them slowly and painstakingly as they do, blindly no matter where they find themselves on this earth. 

“I love you,” Chris whispers huskily between them, and Will hates how much those simple words tug at him, how much they remove him from their current situation. “If we die out here, just remember that I went out loving you, hm?”

callum -> emma

Callum rearranges the candlesticks on the dinner table at least four times before he hears the keys in the door. He flattens a palm over the white table cloth he’d bought for the occasion before glancing at Banjo, who is donning an elegant tuxedo ensemble- also purchased for the night. 

“Showtime, girl,” Callum tells the dog, giving her a scratch behind the ears before moving towards the now opening door. 

“Hey,” is the greeting Callum musters, and he kicks himself for it just a little. He’d spent hours being precise and careful over dinner, over decor, and over the general set up but hey is all he manages when he’s actually faced with his beautiful girlfriend. It’s his saving grace to know by now that she finds every bit of him charming, even the parts he sees as flaws himself.

She’s quick to notice the mood lighting, the smell of food, and especially, her dog and her laughter alone is enough to make Callum feel like each bit of his efforts were worth it. To be rewarded with a kiss is only a bonus and Callum hums into it, one arm wrapping around her back as his fingers find her hair. 

She has to know by now that kissing him this way puts him in a one-track state of mind. That he could have planned a hundred things for her but the moment she traces her palm flat down his chest so, he will only be capable of thinking about taking her out of her clothes and laying her on any surface in the apartment that he can.

“Emma- dinner-” he tries to insist once, but he’s met between their lips with a brisk, “Will still be there in a few minutes.”

“A few minutes?” he raises a sharp brow, and she has to know he can’t resist being provoked like that. 

Emma grins at him and just like the first day they ever met, Callum loses himself in it. 

lyla -> nils

Lyla has an itinerary. She’ll start with breakfast in bed for Nils at 9 am; then they’ll go to the new digital art museum in town at 11 am; lunch at his favorite pâtisserie at 1 pm; a walk down the annual street fair near their dads’ house- the one with the stall of shirts Nils really likes- at 3:30 pm; a paint and sip except they have to work together on their painting, at 5 pm; dinner reservations at 7:30 pm, and finally a walk in the park at 9:30 pm.

That last part is the important one. Lyla links her arm into Nils’s elbow as they walk slowly, taking in the familiar views before she sits them down by a trickling and illuminated water fountain. She asks him if he had a good day, to which he kisses her forehead and answers that of course, he did. There’s no one else he would rather have gone on so many birthday adventures with. 

Lyla grins. She parts her lips to begin the small speech she prepared for this very moment but is interrupted by the buzz of Nils’s phone. They had always been good at disregarding their phones in favor of time for each other- that is until they had a child. 

Now, Nils answers his phone readily in the middle of their lovely evening and Lyla is grateful. 

“Hi there, is everything okay?” Lyla watches her husband speak to their sitter with a smile curling at the corner of her lips at his confident tone. “Is that Nova I hear back there? It’s a bit past her bedtime, isn’t it? ...Oh, I see.” 

Nils lowers his phone so he can put it on speaker and tells his wife in a whisper, “She wants to say good night.”

And Lyla’s heart warms. “Hi, baby,” she coos easily to her three-year-old as Nils echoes a similar greeting. The sound of Nova Ëklund-D’Angelo’s voice brings forth a smile and a tenderness in the two adults that they never thought was possible before. That they would do anything for the little girl in their lives is apparent from the kisses they blow her through the phone and the promises they make of how much they love her and how excited they are to see her again in the morning. 

By the time they hang up, Lyla doesn’t care for speeches anymore. She doesn’t care that she’d all but rehearsed the best way to present her idea, or that she had some pretty solid points. She simply takes Nils’s hand as soon as he puts his phone away, looks into his eyes with the unequivocal love of one half of his soul, and tells him, “Let’s have another baby, Nils. I’m ready.”

bristol -> sven

Bristol traces the letters on Sven’s chest. It’s only been a handful of months since the skin has healed but Bristol can hardly remember a time before he could run his gentle touch over the ink in their most vulnerable moments. 

His finger rises and falls with the older man’s breaths, ones he’s still trying to catch after the evening they’ve spent entangled together, isolated in their bedroom despite the many invitations they had received to more luxurious celebrations.

“What are you thinking?” Sven breaks the silence between them, fingers traveling through Bristol’s salt and pepper locks. 

The younger man doesn’t answer right away. Instead he lifts his nose from the crook of his husband’s neck and leaves light kisses along his jaw. He watches Sven shift to lean more into him and it’s only when his heart flutters to feel that Sven wants him even now, that he speaks.

“I’m so happy, Sven. I’ve never been so happy in my life,” he hums quietly, his sharp blue eyes wandering up to meet the other pair. “I could die right now and that would be perfectly alright with me.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be alright with me,” Sven says almost warningly. He kisses the beginnings of a smirk from Bristol’s mouth and leans up on an elbow to hover over the man he married so surely, so long ago. 

“Sven Vogel, you romantic,” Bristol purrs under Sven’s lips, but the older man doesn’t respond. He braces his body over Bristol’s with an intensity they’re both accustomed to by now, a possessive hold that they’ve both thrived in for 10 years and will continue to thrive in for nearly 10 more.

jensen -> august

It starts with a phone call six months prior to August’s 28th birthday. 

“Hi, uncle Milo. If you had a minute, I wanted to talk to you about the family vacation this year. Namely the time and location. Hear me out, I’ve got a good reason.”

On the day of, it isn’t easy to keep a straight face when just about every Ëklund in the house knows what Jensen has planned, but it is easy to convince August to get away with just him for the evening. After all, they’d been talking about taking a trip like this since the day they met. 

So they stand together at the outskirts of August’s hometown of Kiruna, peering up towards the most beautiful sight either has seen in nature, perhaps besides each other. August leans into the arm around his shoulders even if Jensen is trembling slightly. He plays back with Jensen’s restless fingers as the blue-green lights flicker along their strong features and smiles when a kiss is pressed to his hair, not for the first time. When he finally looks beside himself to see if Jensen is enjoying himself he finds his boyfriend gazing only at him. 

“You’re missing the good part,” August teases, pointing towards the sky, though he is grinning at the notion that Jensen would rather spend this time looking at him than the seventh wonder of the world. 

Jensen just shakes his head and drops a kiss to August’s cheekbone before he pulls back entirely. He answers August’s raised brow with a gesture that he needs both hands to zip up his coat and August lets his boyfriend be.

He looks back up, expecting to feel Jensen’s arm come back around him in due time. But it doesn’t and instead, he hears Jensen’s voice from a slight distance. 

“Every part is the good part when it’s with you, August,” Jensen speaks through a deep breath and when August turns to look at him, the younger man has one knee in the snow. The majestic Northern Lights reflect off the object in Jensen’s hand and he continues, “I thought I was complete before but you’ve changed everything from the very first day we met. You’ve made every second we’ve had together a new adventure and I decided a long time ago that I never want it to stop. So August Ëklund, will you make the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

Jensen dashes off the ground the moment he’s done, laughter bubbling on his lips as his arms come around August. “Can’t wait for your answer, sorry. It’s freezing down there!”

For as nervous as he’d been leading up to the moment, Jensen hugs August close to his body now, kissing his face adoringly, knowing full well what their future holds. 

bristol -> linus

It should have been expected that they would end up in such a position after a month and a half apart. Long distance was a bitch- especially long distance with someone that had the touch of a blazing wildfire. 

The celebratory hike was Bristol’s idea but the kisses they shared at the summit were Linus’s. Linus’s idea to slip his cold hands under the other man’s shirt and Bristol’s to press his lips to the crook of Linus’s neck to keep from crying out. 

It was Linus that pulled them among the orange and yellow leafed trees, but Bristol that tugged at their jeans. Bristol who shivered as he was exposed but Linus who covered Bristol’s back with his chest. 

Bristol gripped tightly at the tree first, not caring for the bark that dug into his skin, especially when Linus’s palms came over the backs of his own. Bristol was the one to turn his chin back and bruise Linus’s lips but Linus was the one to use those lips to drop a dark red sign of possession on Bristol’s shoulder. 

It was Bristol’s decision to reach back and hold his partner around the back of the neck as he felt his stomach turn. But Linus’s to pick up his pace, loudly so.

Bristol cursed while Linus said the other’s name and their hips stuttered in unison. Birds fled from a nearby perch at the height of the two men’s commotion and the only sound following was that of their labored breaths.

Surely one of them could be credited for their utter lack of self control, but honestly, who was keeping track anymore?

dex -> sven

The wind rustling through Dex D’Angelo’s curls in itself is a treat to behold. More than ever, Sven has no regrets about accidentally dropping Dex’s product behind the sink that morning. From the benches on deck, he watches his partner, who appears to be one with the rope between his hands, pulling with a strength that tightens each muscle in his upper arms. 

Sven observes the laser focus in those oceanic eyes as Dex changes directions of the sail overhead, and the half-step he takes as it catches the wind. It’s an art, what he does, a muggle one that Sven would have had no appreciation for at one time in his life. But now, to watch Dex command the waters he waited 40 years to return to bristles each sense in him. 

Turning back to the more natural views before him, Sven takes a sip from the glass of wine hanging loosely between his fingers. The oaky flavor is one connected to strong memories for him. As it turns out, Dex had passed on his impeccable tastes onto his daughter, who had selected their favorite drink for her engagement party so many moons ago now. 

Sven can taste full-bodied berries and the irreversible changing of tides as a pair of knees comes to frame either side of his body. Looking up he sees Dex’s sun-kissed form, making himself comfortable on the back of the bench and the sight is damn near blinding.

“May I?” Dex’s voice is smooth as he lifts the glass away from Sven’s lips. The latter can only pretend to be offended as he leans back into the warmth of his partner. Dex’s arm, slipping around Sven’s collarbones similar to how he himself is often held in bed, makes the older close his eyes to simply lose himself in the moment.

He vaguely hears the sound of Dex setting the wine glass aside before he feels a warmth breath at his ear.

The whisper of “Happy birthday, my love,” sends a shiver down Sven’s spine and he only opens his eyes at the kisses that are peppered to the side of his face. 

In a few hours they will return to their fulfilled and bustling lives, full of friends, family, endless projects and engagements but for now they are simply Dex and Sven, together in ways that can never be comprehended by the average person.

It doesn’t matter the cycles of life it took them to reach this destination, just that all is, as it is supposed to be. 

[imnotdoneyet-forreal]

Deals with the Devil-9

Author: Amanda Preston

Summary: A need to fill a void and an encounter to start something new, Elijah and Katya never knew that a simple one night stand would wind up into a love affair filled with family drama and side deals gone wrong.

Deals with the Devil Masterlist

        It was another day at the office, but it didn’t feel that way. Katya was still the head publisher of MoonStone, her friends and coworkers were still working under her, and the office was still the same. She couldn’t explain what the sudden change was and she didn’t know if she ever wanted to try to put it into words. Her mind somehow jumped to Elijah but she quickly ran that thought out of her head and focused at the task ahead. 

        “Davina?” she called out to her intern/assistant as she made her way to her office. “What’s my schedule looking like today?” 

        Davina makes her way into her office with the iPad in her hands. 

        “We’ve got a lot of people trying to make a meeting with you but I figured which ones had priority so you’ve got a phone call with the printing co. at 10:30. Lunch with the Editors at 11:45. An hour block to read through your correspondence and to breathe before having a meeting with Bonnie who has a new project she wants to run through you. From there…” 

        “Ok, let’s stop there. I need my afternoon free,” Katya instructs her. “Actually, can you call Marcel and see if he’s available to meet this afternoon?” 

        Davina leans against the door with a small grin, “Aren’t you two close friends?” 

        “We are,” Katya chuckles out. “But he’s got a soft spot for you and he can never say no to his favorite intern.” 

        “Ok, what do you want me to tell him?” Davina asks. “I thought he already settled the contract between Viking Co and Moonstone.” 

        “He did, but Marcel has an eye for talent and I’m hoping he can help me find someone for this new project I’m working on.” 

        Davina makes notes of this and the thought in her mind is so evident on her face. 

        “Anything I can help with?” 

        Katya has to refrain from the smile on her face to take over. Davina had always been very eager to prove herself to her. It was why Katya had felt the need to bring the girl under her wing and show her the ropes to everything. The girl was certainly talented and about to graduate from art school which was why Katya knew it was about time to let the girl go. 

        “Yes, in fact, I could use your help on this,” Katya answers as she looks up at her. “It’s time you start putting that graphic design course to use.”

        “Seriously?” she asks excitedly. “What are we working on?” 

        “I’ll let you know in the meeting at around… 3:30?” Katya offers up in which Davina eagerly nods. “Ok, call Marcel and we’ll talk about this new, exciting project then.” 

        “I’ll pencil that in,” Davina states as she makes her way out of the office. 

        “And Davina?” Katya calls out to her. 

        “Yes?” 

        “Hold all my calls and turn anyone away,” Katya states. “I don’t think I have the time to deal with walk-ins.” 

        “Okie-Dokie,” Davina answers. “I sent you the schedule and some notes for the upcoming call. Buzz me if you need anything else.” 

        “Thank you!” Katya shouts as Davina returns to her desk. She was about to pick up the phone to make the call when chaos erupted suddenly. 

        “No, you can’t go in there, she’s busy!” 

        Katya looks up just to find Enzo storming past Davina’s desk. 

        “She’s got an open door policy so she will see me!” 

        Katya rolled her eyes at the sound of his voice and entitlement. Her open-door policy was due to a very idealistic beginning in which she took of the door of her office to reinforce inclusivity and transparency. Now, it was hindering the long day she had planned. 

        “Mr. St. John, please, she has a full day.” 

        Enzo was not going to be reasoned by Davina and Katya let out a sigh as she gave her a nod. 

        “It’s ok, D,” she answers. “I’ll handle him.” 

        Enzo lets out a huff as Davina steps out of the way and lets him in. 

        “Glad to know that you’re still on my side, love,” Enzo greets as he steps into her office. Katya rolls her eyes at the term of endearment. 

        “You can’t call me that, Enzo,” Katya snaps at him. “And you can’t storm into my office without a meeting. I’m taking up a new project and trying to restart MoonStone so I don’t have time for whatever you want now.” 

        “Whatever I want?” Enzo scowls. “It’s important, Katya. I’m working on the upcoming sequel of Heretics. The one you’ve been waiting for. The one with the mute with the mysterious scar on his throat? And I have no editor. My bud Julian left when he thought this ship was sinking.” 

        “Yes, Julian was a dick,” Katya mutters. “I really don’t know why I hired him in the first place.”

        “Really?” Enzo responds. “I liked him.” 

        “Yeah, well I didn’t,” Katya responds. “But Enzo, I am working on distributing Dave’s authors amongst all the other things I have to do so if you don’t mind I will get back to you on that. Just keep writing.” 

        “Why can’t you be my editor?” Enzo asks as he leaned back into his chair and propped his feet up on her desk. “We worked so great together.”

        “And that was because you were sleeping with me half the time.” 

        “Which made you great.” 

        Katya refrains from rolling her eyes and lets out a sigh instead. 

        “Look Enzo, I will get back to you by the end of the week,” Katya reassures him. “And your next editor will be the best of the best so if you can…” 

        “What’s going on with you and Mr. CEO, Elijah?” 

        “Nothing, he’s my boss.” 

        “He didn’t act that way.” 

        “Yes, because he actually respects women,” Katya snaps. “Something you could learn from him.” 

        “The man didn’t seem to like me.” 

        “No one really likes you, Enzo,” Katya sighs out. “Look, I have a long day ahead of me and as much as I would love to continue this talk, I have to ask you to go. We can continue this later this week.” 

        “I promised myself I wouldn’t leave until I got an editor,” Enzo argues. “The uncertainty of this is ruining my writing buzz.” 

        “Ok, fine, Enzo, you win,” Katya snaps at him. 

        Enzo is quick to jump to his feet as Katya stood up from her desk. 

        “Wait, are you giving in to me?” Enzo asks. “Will you be my editor again?” 

        “No, I have too much to do. Something I’ve told you time and time again and you keep ignoring,” Katya states. “You want an editor. I’ll give you the best one I have and the only one who can deal with your eccentric writer ways and won’t deal with your bullshit.” 

        “Bullshit?” 

        “Yes, I said what I said.” 

        It didn’t take long to reach her intended office which caused Enzo to quickly backtrack. 

        “No, no, no…” 

        “Yes, yes, yes,” Katya responds as she knocks on the door and steps in. “You could have waited, but nope, you had to push my buttons on the day I warned you not to so Enzo, meet your new editor.” 

        Enzo scowls as Bonnie looked up from her desktop to look at Katya. 

        “What’s going on?” she asks. 

        “Bonnie,” Katya greets. “You know Enzo. He’s being added to your roster. Enjoy!”

        “Wait no, that’s…” 

        “Bye, bye…” 

        Katya leaves Enzo and Bonnie to hash it out while she returned to her office. Davina chuckled at her resolution. 

        “Keep anyone else out of my office for the next hour,” Katya instructs her. 

        “Oh, before you start that call, someone dropped this off for you,” Davina tells her. 

        “I’ll get to it later,” Katya waves off. 

        “There were pretty strict instructions that you need to open it now,” Davina warns her. “It’s from our new CEO too.” 

        Katya couldn’t help the way her heart sped up at the mention of him. 

        “Well in that case…” Katya sighs out as she made her way to pick it up. She couldn’t help the smile on her face as she recognized the box. “No, he didn’t…” 

        “What?” Davina asks with curiosity.

        Katya picks up the box and makes her way to her office. 

        “Nothing,” Katya answers a bit too quickly. “Did he leave a message?” 

        “Yes,” Davina answers as she picked up the note. “Have a good first day. -EM.” 

        Katya smiled at the note. Not understanding why she was a bit disappointed at the simple message. She couldn’t let her mind linger on him too long as she had a long day ahead of her.  

[comicteaparty]

March 28th-April 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble   chat that occurred from March 28th, 2020 to April 3rd, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How many hours do you work on your comic per week, and how do you manager to balance that with other responsibilities?

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

heheh So we are.. cheating a bit Both me and my coworker are unemployed, and is working on hour comic, like was it a full time job. It is our passion project, and dream that we can work and live of makeing comics. In Denmark you can apply for grants from the government, but you need to have releashed a book before that is possible. We are useing the comic, to show potentional clients in the future what we can do. For now we are working on it from 09:00-17:00 ish (with a long lunch break) while applying for other kinds of grants, and also does all the things we are supposed to to get our unemplyment money, and searching for jobs, and freelance gigs, gathering the courage to start our own small company (not right now though) and yeaah time will tell

carcarchu

@Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS that doesn't sound like cheating to me? more like using the tools at your disposal to turn your passion into a viable career

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hehe it feels a little like cheating! there are some debates about if it is okay or not, but we think that strengthening our skills is a good use of our time

eli [a winged tale]

Haha also not cheating! It’s great you’re using the time to chase the dream I’m curious what’s your breakdown for those time working on the comic? As for me, usually 1-2 hours a day with a bit more on the weekend if time permits. These days with the quarantine it’s about 2-3 h a day

DanitheCarutor

Since I'm unemployed until who knows when I've been working on my comic between 40-50 hours a week about 6 to 7 days a week... most weeks. Some days, like update day or chore day, I hardly work on the comic or don't work on it at all. Admittedly I'm not the best at balancing drawing with other responsibilities, sometimes I get so into it that I forget about daily house chores, other weeks I do the opposite and only do house chores which makes me totally behind of comic stuff. I can't seem to find a good middle ground, it always turns into completely focusing on one or the other.

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah when I get in the zone, time flies and life gets put to the wayside

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So I have no school or work, so the webcomic has become almost a fulltime project for me

I average about 10 hours per day working on it, not counting on chores and exercise

Another thing I worry about is the possibility of carpal tunnel syndrome, which is why I've been relentless with exercise, too

I guess it's just a combination of relentless reminders and also sheer willpower that gets me to do other responsibilities haha

@eli [a winged tale] also I know that feeling

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So since my school had to cancel, I have to be more responsible for my online course. Sometimes I give myself 2 days off each week to work more into my upcoming webcomic but I have to switch my mind for school work, online classes. Also extra time for food. I need to get back into exercise or I feel exhausted more easily. I keep a wall schedule so that I make it a routine to write what I'll do every 3 or 5 days, to keep my active brain reminded(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I spent the majority of last year (fun)employed (partially by choice, partially not! my previous job let me go rather unceremoniously... and I needed a hiatus anyway... so it worked out) so I poured a lot more hours into that chapter of Phantomarine than I usually did. I worked on it almost every day - at least for a couple of hours, but sometimes up to a full eight-hour day. That number has dipped tremendously since I’ve gone back to work, but I’m spreading the same amount of time out in a broader way. I’m trying to get a good buffer during my hiatus, so I can work and draw in a healthy balance. I don’t have crazy overtime at my current job like I did at my last one, so that’s already a comfort. I’m confident I’ll be able to hit a good stride once the comic returns in June (edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Can’t wait Lady!!

Feather J. Fern

Two part time jobs, and school killed my comic, but I been working on getting one panel done a day, which is around 30minutes to an hour if possible.

eli [a winged tale]

My routine used to be rendering on the commute but now just once in am and once pm until this limbo time is clarified

That’s awesome Feather! It’s so rewarding when everything comes together after putting effort everyday

Feather J. Fern

Once school is done in two more weeks I will be more free to do things so I hope to get maybe two panels done in a day XD

Online school, stupid quarantine

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Due to the pandemic im mostly off school and my part time job so i spend like 4-5 hours on my comic per day. Still would like try to get a page done per day but lmao digital painting is slowwww

eli [a winged tale]

What’s everyone’s tips for breaks/stretches/balance? I feel like I certainly need to revisit these to avoid burnout and continue feeling motivated!

Feather J. Fern

Actually there was a cool manga artist who's tip was literally he only worked working hours. His mornings are free and since manga was his job, he worked form 12-6, giving him 2 hours to do other work he needs to get done, and takes morning walks and stuff.

Another person I know had "No working weekends" as a thing becuase they are a freelancer.

I personally have try to make sure I ahve a routine, and actually, stretch before drawing.

Streetch before, during a break, and then after, to keep that body nice and warmed up

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Health-wise there's this hing for your : every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. I'm not good at following this, but when I do it, it helps a lot.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Despite the current pandemic, my work-life hasn't changed much (unless you count stress getting in the way). I am currently "unemployed," but I do consider comicking my full-time job. I am also not very good at balancing work and life. Something's always gotta give. Last year, I worked at a job that basically ruined my ability to work on my comic. I worked 30-40 hours typically, ruined my sleep schedule, took work home sometimes, and was constantly exhausted. This is what resulted in my year and a half long hiatus, and it's what drove me to work like hell on my comic when I quit. Now (when I'm in the groove and not suffering from art block), I typically spend 60-70 hours on my comic and get 2-3 pages done: - 30 hours sketching (I know, ridiculous) - 5 hours filling in base colors - 20-25 hours painting - 5 hours adding text, speech bubbles, sfx, and finishing touches - 1-2 hours formatting for Webtoon I also spend some time throughout the week typing up the script, doing concept art for things coming in the future of the comic, and preparing for conventions, but I can't tell you exactly how much time.

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks for the breakdown! I’m always keen to learn from everyone and seeing how the workflow is like for different people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh don't forget to do wrist stretches!

eli [a winged tale]

Ahh formatting time is always so tedious for me!

Yes wrist exercises! Any recommendations?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

hmmm well the easiest one is literally just shaking it out

like every hour

and I also like to hold my arm out parallel, point my fingers up and using my other hand to pull the fingers back so i'm stretching the wrist

then I point the fingers down and pull on the fingers until my wrist is stretching

eli [a winged tale]

Awesome. Will be adopting those!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm pretty fast. 2-6 hours per page, depending on how detailed it is. Average of 3-4. I could probably do 2 pages/ week easily enough, but don't want to do more than that. I'm the kind of person who always needs to be doing a million different things. I need to leave time for my other hobbies and my paintings and my academics and extracurriculars. Otherwise I'd get burnt out doing one thing only

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

@eli [a winged tale] So since it is both me and @Q (Wayfinders: Off Course) working, we start with working on a rough each, our goal is one step (so rough, ink, color) for two pages pr day, pr person. So in a weak the goal is four finished pages a week, and then we upload 3 pages per week. So it is divided that in the morning we start at 09:00 in the morning, maybe checking mail, being practical or whatever. Then we work until 12:00 were we eat lunch, go for a long nice walk and then we go back to work between 13:00 and 14:00 ish and then work until 17:00 when we begin to prepare dinner. Then of course breaks inbetween

Q (Wayfinders: Off Course)

It’s pretty wild to be able to dedicate your entire day to comics like that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

damn you all work fast

do you guys have any tips on how to work on a webcomic faster?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, I wish!

Still looking for those magical secrets

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) You know the 80-20 rule? You can get 80% of the result with 20% of the effort? My comic is very messy if you zoom in. I don't spend time making sure the linework or the coloring is perfectly clean. Also, I'm pretty fast at drawing figures. I used to practice figure drawing a lot by rushing to draw strangers irl before they moved, or by drawing a bunch of fast figures from the free figure drawing model websites online. I've also taken a figure drawing course (didn't even have to pay because it was part of my university! Even if you don't have that option you can probably find free life drawing sessions on Meetup or similar!) which really helped me streamline my process for drawing people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh I see! Yes, I used to take life drawing classes too! And your response makes me feel a lot better

I tend to be a bit messy with inking, and since i'm a perfectionist a lot of my time is wasted on editing/clean up

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've seen cronaj draw, and while I think the results look excellent, I think her method is a kind of inefficient. She draws like a printer, nearly finishing one detailed body part before moving on the the next. I think maybe if she drew in a more classical way, going from a gesture drawing to progressively more detailed, it might help her be faster and her poses more cohesive and dynamic. Maybe working on 1 or 5 min figures would help? Practicing things like this?

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I try to do figure practices for efficiency

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I heard that there are some online life drawing vids you can follow too

but what are your experiences with online life drawing vids versus the real thing

like is there a real difference?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

found some of my old 1 minutes

To me there's not too much difference

I've heard some people say that life drawing is either way easier or way harder though. Because of your depth perception when looking at a real person

But the bruises on my legs can attest to my horrid depth perception haha. That might be why I don't notice a difference

Actually those previous sketches might be 30 seconds? I don't remember

I would recommend you try both but right now we pretty much only have the online option haha

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I’ve done both and I think irl creates complexity with depth and the interactions with others etc is helpful but online is my go to for flexibility

I think having a process streamlined will make things more efficient. The downside is that it might feel tedious and I do switch it up from time to time for variety

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Might feel uncomfortable but that's how you know you're improving

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There is a TON of difference for me. I HAVE to look at a physical model in front of me.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't get better if you always do the same things

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is what my brain does.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder- could drawing yourself in a mirror be a decent substitute?

If youre lucky you might also be able to ask an SO or roommate to model for you. Should probably pay them back by cooking for them or something though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Brain: sees a real model in front of me Brain: translates 3D to 2D, result: drawing Brain: sees a photo/video of a model Brain: SHIT. That's supposed to be 3D, isn't it? Brain: Translates 2D to 3D (basically re-constructing it in my head, or attempting to re-construct) so that it can translate it back to 2D Brain: BSOD

There's some online resources out there that have "3D" photos... you know, two near-identical images side by side, so if you look at it cross-eyed, it becomes 3D?

But I can't do those because I get a headache X'D

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just thinking about drawing from that makes me dizzy

eli [a winged tale]

Oh interesting!

Yeah maybe looking out the window to draw people would be the way to go...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But maybe figure drawing in VR exists?

eli [a winged tale]

Balcony figure drawings

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I live on the top floor so those are going to be some very small figures

eli [a winged tale]

For ants

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Once this coronavirus thing is over, there's lots of ways you can do gesture drawings from just random people -- bus stops, cafes, museums (I have not done this, but people who have done this report this is really good because others assume you're drawing the artworks. XD)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've done this a lot

Sometimes I've even shown people drawing of themselves if they've turned out particularly nice

They've always taken it well

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I like drawing my professors because they use hand gestures a lot when they talk

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Airport was REALLY good for finding people stuck in one pose indefinitely

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

they alwayas laugh when I show them

eli [a winged tale]

Shadow omg I do that too

Draws classmates

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah the only issue i have with drawing classmates

is that they're always doing the "i'm using my phone" pose

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Become the master of drawing people on their phones

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Maybe try drawing children on the playground?

This works better if you're a woman

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh thank jesus

I also like going to the zoo or the museum

or the aquarium if i'm feeling adventurous

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I am a University student so I also have some pretty interestng drawings of people asleep in weird poses

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I really need to start going to weekly figure drawing sessions once this is over (there's one here... 20 min drive... 8AM Saturdays )

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ditto or just go to the park and draw

and @Eightfish (Puppeteer) I've had some.....weird poses from all my profs

one guy was incredibly hard to draw; he was VERY enthusiastic about showing us knife skills

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The parks here are too spacious, to a degree where it's weird to get close enough to people

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Bring binoculars

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Don't worry ma'am I'm an artist

nothing sketchy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

(except my sketch)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

A+ pun right there

another place to go for figure drawing

theaters

like.....opera/plays

I once tried drawing the men dancing in the Newsies musical

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Tried that once, but it took me out of the performance

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same i was dazzled by dancing men

aaaaand then i abandoned sketching at all when they started throwing newspaper strips into the audience

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But they were giving you free paper!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

THEY WERE

i'll take what i can get

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) While I agree that my method of drawing is "inefficient," I do not draw like a printer. There are videos of people drawing like a printer and it's not what I'm doing. I have done gesture drawing before, but it always looked incredibly abstract, and not quite like people, which is fine, but not what I'm going for. I treat gesture drawing like a warm-up exercise. It doesn't really do anything for my end result, but gets my drawing muscles stretched out.(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Gesture drawings are definitely a good warmup!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Perhaps it was an inappropriate analogy. What works for me I guess wouldn't work for everyone. I was trying to offer advice because whenever you talk about how much time you spend on art and you work life balance it's commendable but also dismaying. I hope you find something that works for you in the future

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oh god.. I sometimes work 6 hours a day. I guess thats like 30 hours a week? Crazy to think about, it's like a full job

Oooh you guys are sharing figure drawings... I swant to show some of mine

Behold

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My figure drawing usually breaks down into like, medical anatomy study. I feel like I understand body shapes better by including the muscles & bones

carcarchu

ABS the most important figure study

Deo101 [Millennium]

ah figure drawing? I love figure drawing ^^

I do like a lot but this kinda thing is most of it

anyways as for the question at hand, I do a lot of different things for my comics weekly. My millennium pages take me 2-6 hours i would say, but I also have patreon things I need to do so I'd say i spend 10-15 hours on it a week. for my other comic, I spend about 6 hours an update, and it updates every other week. but honestly, all of my free time goes to assorted comics. If i'm not working on school work or chatting with people, I'm working on things for patreon, potential merch, or other comics I want to start sometime.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oooh nice poses!!’

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks!! I have a ton of gesture/figure drawings but these ones are my most recent that I have saved to my computer i think

10 minutes im pretty sure. very good for speeding up

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Those look really nice, good values

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks ^^ I really hate working in charcoal honestly, it kinda always winds up hurting my body somehow, but its very quick sooooooo

kayotics

My answer for the prompt question has changed a lot since I started quarantine lmao... I used to do about 10 hours of work throughout the week on my comic page (usually after work, I have an office job) but ironically it’s gotten harder while I work from home. I’ve been struggling to find time since I don’t have a separation between work and home now, and putting the boundaries up of “I’m not always available” to coworkers is difficult.

Also on figure studies: they’re a great way to practice speed. I use the concepts of figure drawings all the time.

RebelVampire

@kayotics As someone who always works from home doing remote contract work, I have to say I think this is something a lot of people underestimate about work at home life. In that it's sometimes really difficult to establish boundaries with ppl and make them understand you aren't always available and also aren't gonna work billions of hours of overtime. So I'm sorry to hear that's affecting your comic work.

Shadowmark Productions

I work anywhere from 6-8 hours a day on comic stuff. That’s an average though. Sometimes I slack and need to pull all nighters to make up for it. Yes, I am terrible at time management. They say entrepreneurs are the only people willing to work 80 hours a week for themselves so they do not have to work 40 hours a week for someone else. I guess webcomic creators are the only people willing to work 80+ hours a week so that they can... go to work for someone else afterwards

AntiBunny

4 days of procrastinating, 1 of procrastinating and hating myself, and 2 of actual comic drawing seems to make up my weekly comic making schedule. :p

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can only imagine how stressed I would be if I forced myself to update weekly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

This is a hard question to answer because it varies a lot depending on my energy levels. Ideally I’d spend several hours a day on comics, but realistically I draw as much as possible when I have the energy (5+ hours a day for as many days in a row as I can handle it) and then go weeks or months too tired to do comics. On average, barring any long periods of exhaustion or other interruptions from RL, I spend about 20+ hours a week making pages for my comics.

sagaholmgaard

I prefer to work on my comic for about an hour ever morning and maybe 2-3 hours in the evening, that's the ideal routine for me. Right now I sadly have a lot of schoolwork to do (writing my thesis) so i might get less than 30 minutes in the morning and then feel rlly tired in the evening so I dont get as much time then either. but oh well!

I can still work for 4-5 hours on the weekends so I manage ^^(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

The whole stay-indoors order's currently completely wrecked my pattern, but before that I did between 3-4 hours a day.

Shadowmark Productions

Can’t imagine the stress of a daily or even weekly posting schedule. Hats off.

[tempestshakes01]

happy and anxious. 

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby. 

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year. 

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.  

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left. 

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!” 

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel. 

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this. 

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.      

in the end, we were ok enough. 

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized. 

--

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

 i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.  

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them. 

--

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be. 

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected. 

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

--

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it. 

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me. 

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery. 

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :( 

--

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out. 

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

--

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it. 

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em. 

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

--

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux). 

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol) 

--

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧) 

[icunlockers-blog]

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[hiei1300]

An Avenger’s Secret

Chapter 4: Team Up

Pairing: Loki x Female Reader

Summary: Being the epitome of professional, you have one rule that must be followed to the T; Never mix business and personal. But how will your integrity fair against meeting the Avengers, or better yet, a certain Avenger’s brother?

A/N: I’m still new to all of this, so I’m sorry that I don’t know the proper protocols when it comes to tagging, I’m working on it.

Word Count: 3554

Warnings: None

Chapter 3

“Morning John.” Walking through the double doors, the smell of fresh linen and flowers surrounded and welcomed you. A man with chocolate brown hair and a sharp complexion smiled widely at you before turning back to his customer.

“Good morning, (Y/n). Give me a minute and I’ll be right with you.” Taking a fancy looking dress from a young woman, John, the owner of the establishment, gave her a card and sent her on her way before turning to you. “Here for your pick-up?”

“Yes sir. Is it ready?” you asked handing him your order slip.

“It is,” pressing a button on a large remote on the wall, the long line of clothing started to rotate at a leisurely pace, “and who are these fine-looking specimens? New toys?” giving you a wicked smile, the glint in his eyes directed to the two men standing behind you.

Raising a brow at you, you ignored the look as you answered the man.

“Colleagues of my boss. They offered to help with my run today.”

“I’m relieved to hear that, I thought I had competition there for a moment.” He smiled.

Looking at him openly, he looked fairly young, around late 20’s early 30’s. A strong physique and a fine chiseled jaw with a 5 o’clock shadow.

“That implies you were ever in the running.” You said bluntly.

“Awe, that’s harsh, (Y/n). Even after all the chemistry between us?” he was leaning over the desk, his smile never faltering.

“It’s a biohazard.”

Laughing at your answer, he turned around to stop the rotation. Sifting through the tags he pulled yours out.

“Here we are, Ms. (L/n), I believe this is yours.” Handing you a long solid white bag with a hanger. “I have to ask; how did you do that to this beautiful gown?” with a playful frown on his face, you took the hanger.

“Not me, E did that.”

“That girl is a danger to her own art. Well, tell her ‘hi’ for me the next time you see her.”

“I will, thank you John.” Turning to leave, the two men followed you out, the taller one taking a glance at the man behind the counter, his smile still plastered on his face.

“He seems to really like you.”

“I’m a regular at his laundromat.”

“Regularly inclined?” an obvious tone was in his voice, teasing and suggestive.

Giving the suited man a glance over your shoulder, you looked forward once more on your walk.

“I am not, Mr. Laufeyson, and even if I was there are two reasons why that just won’t be.”

“Oh?”

“The first being that the man is already in a relationship.”

“Midgardians aren’t exactly the most faithful lot.”

“The second is that he is gay.”

That bit seemed to throw him a bit. Bucky, as well, for that matter.

“Furthermore, my relations are of none of your concern. There’s no need to trouble yourself with my personal life.”

“What can I say, you’ve peaked my interest.”

“What else do you have to do?” Bucky asked.

“I need to drop this off before I move on with the rest of my list.” Going for your pant pocket, you patted around your hips and rear before you remembered.

“Oh, can I see my phone?” giving you an amused smirk, Loki took your phone out and handed it to you.

Pulling up your To-Do list, you scrolled through before you landed on Saturday.

“Here we go. I have a few orders to pick up today, hopefully it doesn’t take too long. We can stop for a bite if the others don’t mind and if you both want to. I have an item to return and…” Stopping, you turned to the two men.

“Are you both staying the night again?”

“Funny you should mention that.” Loki smiled.

“Tony invited us to stay at the tower so, we’re all going to be staying here for a while.” Answered the soldier.

“Then I’m going to need to do some grocery shopping.” You said, continuing to walk. Turning your phone off, you handed it back to Loki. “Could one of you call and ask what everyone would want for dinner?”

“You’re cooking?” they questioned.

“Unless you’re ordering in, yeah, regardless if all of you are staying for a while I’m going to need to stock up. Something tells me none of you are canaries.”

Looking at you questioningly, they waited for you to elaborate the comment.

“Light eaters.”

You continued your walk for a few more blocks, coming onto an apartment complex, you walked in what looked like an art studio rather than an apartment.

“This is where you live?” questioned Loki, the two wandering in behind you and taking a good look around.

Canvases of different sizes were leaning against the far end wall. Portraits and paintings decorated every inch of the large space. Clothing racks were stocked with beautiful gowns, and there was a tall rack of different fabric rolls. In the middle of it all was a large table with blueprints and sketches of more dresses and model concepts.

“Oh no, this isn’t mine.” Walking over to hang the bag with the rest of the dresses, you went over to the table to write a something down. “This belongs to my friend. I just came to drop off her dress.”

“These are amazing.” Bucky commented, admiring one of the larger pieces leaning by the door.

“Be careful what you touch, you might get paint on yourself.” Pining the note to the bag you turned back to the men. “Let’s go.”

Locking the door behind you, they followed you out once more.

“What does your friend do?” Bucky asked, checking his hands for any evidence in the room.

“She’s a professional designer and artist. That was one of her private studios.”

“And you have keys to them?” Loki questioned, seeing the ring of multiple keys on it.

“I do.”

As you continued to walk the more people seemed to appear. Being in, what looks like, a shopping square, your next stop was a boutique.

“(Y/n)! Oh, I’m so happy to see you!” running up and throwing her arms around you in a hug, a tall blonde woman ushered you into the bright store. “I was wondering when you’d show up, I’ve been guarding your order all week. Sammy thought you forgot about it but I told her you didn’t that you were just busy that you were sure to come and you did!”

“Claire, breathe. You’re going to pass out if you keep talking like that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy to see you!” she bounced, running behind the glass counter and pulling out a few small boxes and a slightly larger flat box. “These are some of our top sellers, do you want me to call you if we get any new stock in?”

“Please. Thank you, Claire.” Carefully putting the boxes in your backpack, it was only then that she noticed the guys.

“I’ll be right with you gentlemen, I’m finishing up with her and I’ll be happy to help you.” She chimed happily.

“That won’t be necessary.” Loki spoke, watching you carefully.

“We’re with her.” Clarified Bucky.

“Oh! Which one of you is she dating?” she asked almost overly happy.

“Neither.” You answered bluntly. Pulling the pack back over your shoulders you turned back to the woman. “They’re colleagues of my employer, they volunteered to escort me on my run today.”

“That’s too bad, I can see you making a cute couple with both of them.” She smiled sweetly.

“I’ll see you later, Claire. Take care, tell Sam I said ‘hi’.”

“Bye, (Y/n)!”

Leaving the store crowds were starting to form, the trek becoming that much more unpleasant.

“You’re quite well known, aren’t you?” Loki smirked, seeing people from other stores you pass wave at you enthusiastically.

“Not at all.” Waving back in a polite manner. “I’m only known from my friend.”

“The one, who’s studio we went to?” asked Bucky, seeing how many people seemed to be trying to get you to join them in their establishments.

“She’s well known around here.”

“You don’t seem pleased.” Loki poked.

“I’m not that comfortable with the attention, that’s why I didn’t want to be seen with any of the well know Avengers. No offense to you guys.” You said nonchalantly, entering a bookstore.

“Hi, welcome to BB’s Book Café, what can I do for you today?” the clerk asked as you walked up to the counter.

“Hi, is Tommy in today? I have a return for him.” You asked, pulling a book from your bag.

“He is, I’ll go get him for you.”

Turning to the guys you spoke, “This might take a while, you’re free to take a look around. I’m going to do that when I return this.”

“It’s just one book, how long can it take?” Bucky questioned, leaning against the counter.

“He likes to talk.”

“More than that girl?” Loki raised an eyebrow to you in disbelief.

Shrugging your shoulders, you turned in time to see a dark male rush over to you. Well built, a strong jaw, he looked really happy to see you.

“(Y/n), good to see you again. What do you need?”

“Just a return, Tom.”

“What? No way, what didn’t you like this time?”

“The main female was insufferable.” You exclaimed, sliding the hardback to the man. “Her attitude was frustrating and the male lead was an ass.”

“Most people like that about their characters, (Y/n). Kinda coincides with the whole ‘damsel in distress’ bit. I thought you’d like the adventure aspect of it though, that’s why I recommended it to you.”

“Adventure, yes. Brainless bimbos, no.”

“Danny was asking about you again. What should I say this time?” he asked, scanning the book back into the computer.

“I really don’t want to deal with this again. My answer stands.”

“What about me, then?”

“What about you?”

“What about going out with me?” His question caught you off guard as you stared at him. Though your expression was unreadable, your company caught the hesitation in your stance.

“I- “

“Hey, (Y/n).” Turning to the call, you and Tom looked over at Bucky. “Tony wants to know if you’d be willing to play volleyball when we get back.”

“Yeah, I’ll play.”

“You’re together?” Tom asked, pointing between you and Bucky.

“Him too.” You motioned to Loki, not understanding what the man was implying. His eyes went wide in surprise but simply nodded without another word.

“We’d best get going.” Loki ushered, peering down at the man with a smirk.

“I’ll see you later, Tom.” You called out, exiting the doors.

Before either of you could make a comment, your name was screamed out.

“(Y/N)!!” Turning to the voice, you were nocked back, slamming into Loki. In your arms was a petite girl with bright blue and purple hair and bright big brown eyes.

“E!” you exclaimed happily, hugging her and spinning her around. “I was just about to call. How are you?”

“Better now that I’m with you.” She said, rubbing her face into your chest and hugging you closer.

“What did you do?” you asked, peering down at her.

“I didn’t do anything.” Looking at you with a hurt expression.

“E.”

“I promise, I didn’t do anything!”

“If you tell me now, I won’t get mad.”

“But I didn’t do anything.” She whined

“I’m gonna find out, better tell me now while I’m in a good mood.”

Looking away while she nervously laughed seemed to give her away more.

“Spill.” You said, letting go and crossing your arms.

“I didn’t do anything bad,” she clarified, trying to look innocent, “but I do have a favor to ask you.” Looking up she noticed the two men behind you. Her eyes going wide and a smile spreading across her face.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?!” she bounced around, hooking her arms between the two tall figures.

Laughing at her enthusiasm, you introduced her.

“E, this is Loki Laufeyson,” pointing to the suit, “and that’s James Barnes.”

“Gentlemen, this is my friend, Elli.”

“I’m her best friend.” She clarified. “It’s soooo nice to meet you, (Y/n) told me you stayed over last night. Though I have to admit, you’re a lot more attractive in person.” She laughed.

Pulling her back into your arms, your smile was surprising them. It was soft and loving, brightening up your face all the more.

“Reel it back, cougar, I don’t feel like being imprisoned for your promiscuity.”

“You told her about us?” Bucky questioned, looking rather unsure.

“I’m a big fan.” She laughed, leaning against you.

“She won’t tell anyone.” You reassured them. “So, what’s the favor you wanted?”

“Right!” Spinning around to face you, wrapping her arms around your waist. “Can you babysit this week?”

Your smile faded as concern replaced your features.

“E, I can’t. I don’t have a set punch out time, you know that.”

“But you’re the only one I can ask. They don’t like anyone else and it’s only until Friday.”

“A whole week?” pulling her at arms-length to look her in the eyes. “What are you doing for that time?”

“I got a call from Paris, I’ll be taking off on Monday. Please, (Y/n). You know I’d take them if I could.”

The look in her eyes was pleading and desperate. With a dejected sigh you answered.

“I’ll ask- “

“Oh, thank you!” she jumped.

“Not so fast, E. I’m not guaranteeing anything here. I’ll ask, and I’ll let you know by the end of the day.”

“Thank you, (Y/n)!” hugging you closer. “The boys have been doing so good, they’ll love having you over.”

“It’s not the boys I’m worried about, it’s that little girl of yours. I can’t have her running around causing trouble for me.”

“She listens to you better than she listens to me.” She countered. “Besides, she loves being held by you, she won’t go anywhere.”

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay Let It Rain Over Me!

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay Let It Rain Over Me!

Making everyone jump you and E looked to the guys.

“It’s not me.” Bucky spoke, all of you looking to Loki.

Digging your phone out of his jacket pocket, the loud ring tone had caught him off guard, he was fumbling with the device.

“Here.” He urged, handing you the phone.

“Yes, sir, was there something you needed?” you answered, not bothering to speak his name, based solely on the ring tone, you knew it was your boss.

“(Y/n), how do you feel about playing volleyball with us?”

“Mr. Barnes already asked that, I agreed.” Looking to Bucky, realization crossed his eyes, he forgot to let them know.

“Oh, that’s great! Hurry back, Clint is hungry and we still need to decide teams!”

Hanging up and handing the phone back to Loki, who was now a little reluctant to take it, you bid your friend good bye.

“Gotta go, E. I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

“Alright, bye (Y/n), say hi to Tony for me.”

“Oh, and John says ‘hi’.”

Hugging you tight, you placed chaste kiss on her head before she ran off in the opposite direction of your party. Your blank curtain returning as you walked.

“What was that?” The tall God asked, following behind you back to the tower.

“What was what?”

“You were a completely different person when your friend showed up.” His smile seemed to have increased some on the walk. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you two are more than friends.”

“Then it’s a good thing you do know better, Mr. Laufeyson.”

“You said my name earlier, you can say it now.” He smirked.

“It was merely an introduction, nothing more.”

Noon came quickly, nearing 1:30 when the three of you entered the building. Stepping out of the elevator, you walked in on Tony trying to chart out the teams so they were fairly even but Steve arguing the favoritism with his team choice.

“What are you doing?” you asked, walking in and bringing their little squabble to a halt.

“We’re trying to pick teams.” Mr. Stark answered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Tony is trying to get the better players.” Steve informed, before Tony could protest, you stepped in and shooed them away from the board.

“You’re not the captains.” You concluded, holding your hand up to stop any interruptions. “If we’re going to play, it’s going to be fair.” There was a mother-like one in your voice that made both men almost sulk and the others to giggle at their lack of authority.

“Before teams are going to be picked we need to split off into categories.” You told them, waving a hand for everyone to file into the living room.

“What do you mean?”

“You want a fair match, right? The categories will be based on each of our skillsets or how much we have in common, for example;” walking over, you moved Thor and Loki next to each other, “these two are categorized as The Gods. Understand?”

“Oh, that’s means there will be five categories for us to choose from for our teams.” Nodding at Sam for understanding, you proceeded to move people around.

“Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes will be the Soldiers. Mr. Stark and Mr. Wilson are our Suits. Mr. Barton and Ms. Romanoff are the Knights, and Dr. Banner along with myself will be the Joes.”

“Joes?” questioned Thor.

“It derives from the term, Average Joe, meaning that we are almost common compared to the rest of you.”

“Alright, so, who will be the captains?” asked Nat, looking to Stark and Rogers who were ready to volunteer.

“The Gods will be the captains.” You answered, shutting down any attempt of Tony trying to cheat. “They have a better chance of being fair than the rest of you.” Looking at your boss with a disapproving glint in your eye.

“When one person is called, their opposite will go with the other team’s captain. Alternate choosing, who wants to go first?”

“Flip a coin.” Banner suggested, pulling a quarter from his pocket and handing it to you.

“Mr. Odinson, heads or tails?”

“Heads.” He smiled. Flipping the coins in the air, you caught it and revealed tails.

“Mr. Laufeyson, you may pick first.”

Looking over everyone carefully, his eyes hovering over you a moment longer, he smiled. “If you’d please, (Y/n).”

Nodding, you walked over next to the dark clad man.

“That means I get Banner.” Thor boomed happily. The Doctor coming over next to the blond.

“You choose next, Mr. Odinson.”

“Clint.”

“Tony.” The smirk on his face made Stark a little uncomfortable but he was happy to be in the same team as you.

“Hmm, you both have admirable qualities.” Thor wondered out loud, debating which of the soldiers he wanted to pick.

“I’ll choose the Captain.” He decided happily.

“That’s the teams.” You pointed out. “I suggest wearing something more mobile.” Patting Loki’s shoulder, you walked over to the kitchen and started to prep for lunch.

“Whoa, hold up there, (Y/n). I was gonna order in. It’s your day off, relax a little.”

“If you insist, sir.”

Taking a glance around the area, there wasn’t much to be done on your day off in the tower. As much as you wanted to leave for the library, they wanted to keep an eye on you. The teams seemed to have split off when you turned to the kitchen, Stark was at the phone presumably ordering food, not feeling the role you had to take, you sat on the couch next to Natasha.

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re a natural in sports?” the redhead laughed, bringing the others’ attention to you.

“Not at all, I’m familiar with volleyball but that’s as far as it goes.”

“What is volleyball?” Loki inquired, sitting in the recliner next to you.

“It’s a game for two teams, usually of six players, in which a large ball is hit by hand over a high net, the aim being to score points by making the ball reach the ground on the opponent's side of the court.” Your answer was rather robotic, though Loki didn’t see anything wrong with your explanation, Clint, Natasha, and Bucky looked at you with surprised shock by your text book definition.

“Uh…w-when was the last time you played?” Barnes asked.

“July, two years ago in Albuquerque.”

“New Mexico? What on earth were you doing there?” Tony asked, coming to join the group.

“E had a shoot there for a convention and I tagged along, she heard about a local volleyball tournament and signed us up.”

“Wow, so you have experience. How far did you get?” A little eager to hear more about it, aside from Loki, they leaned forward to listen.

“Not very far, we won four matches before we lost, needed six wins to make it to the semifinals. Other than that, it was pretty fun.”

“Hey, Tony, don’t you have an empty room that we can use to practice?” Nat encouraged. “That way we can teach our captain how to play.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” Getting up from his spot, he motioned the team to follow him. “This is gonna be fun.”

Chapter 5

@harrymewmew @themes87 @pieceofhamiltrash @trashyemonerd @haven-in-writing @jj-trickster @southside-serpent-princess

[juniorformulamotorsport]

Monday, 17th September 2018 – Day 1, Kiev

Finding myself in Kiev for a 2-workshop and meeting session with the rest of the 12-strong team I am part of, the London contingent (two of us) were on the ground and in our hotel about 3 hours ahead of everyone else, so with the dispensation of our lovely manager, we didn’t have anything to do until the others showed up. With that in mind, and arriving on a gloriously sunny afternoon, I persuaded my colleague that we really, really needed to go out and do some sightseeing. It was too good an opportunity to waste. Based in the Park Inn hotel, right next to the Olympic stadium which is now home to Dynamo Kiev, we were well situated to walk to the main attractions of the city centre.

Armed with the Lonely Planet guidebook to Ukraine, and a free Kiev map from reception, I now knew where we should aim for, and so cameras in hand, we walked up towards Taras Shevchenko Park initially, along Velyka Vasylkivska Street and over to Lva Tolstoho Street, admiring the variety of architectural styles which ranged from Stalinist flats to turn of the 19th/20th Century blocks with fabulous decorative features, some of them more “foreign” looking than others.

We also encountered the first of many, many terraces which seem to be attached to every restaurant no matter how basic or how grand. Later some of us would come to think these might not be such a good idea, for a variety of reasons, not least the prevalence of both cigarette smokers, and for that matter, shisha pipe users, mostly young women, who seemed not to care how far and wide the awful perfumed fumes spread from the damn things!

We also found the first of many, many murals, usually beautifully done, and covering the entire end walls of numerous buildings around the city. These apparently sprang up everywhere after the 2014 revolution and the plan is to have at least 200 of these instances of street art. There’s even a map of all of them.

This was also roughly the time we realised that crossing the road can be something of an adventure in Kiev. The traffic is heavy, and despite the crossing lights counting down how long you have to cross, and making it very clear that you are allowed to cross, car drivers still try and come round the corners and carry on regardless. You have to adopt a very determined demeanour and trust you’ll survive! Fortunately for the viability of the local population the really big road junctions have underpasses, complete with doors which I assume are especially necessary in the winter to stop the tunnels filling up with snow. The result is a number of underground spaces, full of ad hoc shops, selling all sorts of stuff you never wanted, or in fact never knew existed.

We survived the crossing to the park, and found quite a few things to amuse us. Temperatures were in the high 20s, so pretty much anyone with nothing better to do was perched on the benches in the cool shade of the trees. And the thing is, the benches themselves came in all manner of shapes that can only be described as playful, with no one bench the same as its neighbour. There were fountains, and flowerbeds full of marigolds, and statues of course, including this rather splendid – if rather gloomy – one of Mr. Shevchenko, the multi-talented national poet himself (which probably beats Austrian nymphs on plinths into a cocked hat).

It’s a very busy place, with all sorts going on, and with cafes and coffee shops and pretty much the entire student body of the university across the road sitting talking, dancing, playing music and generally living life outside. Even late in the evening it remained busy (as we discovered later in the week). We continued up Volodymyrska Street, passing the rather fabulous Taras Shevchenko Ukrainian National Opera House on the way.

The Golden Gates of Kyiv (Золоті ворота) were the main gates of the 11th century fortifications of Kyiv, the capital of Kievan Rus’, and were built between 1017 and 1024 (6545 in the Byzantine calendar) at the same time as The Cathedral of Saint Sophia, which was where I was keen to get us, was built. The whole thing was demolished in the middle ages, and was completely rebuilt by the Soviets in 1982, presumably entirely from their imaginations, because there are no images of the original gates available. The whole rebuilding was extremely controversial, and I did wonder why people were visiting it apart from out of curiosity. Hopefully, they don’t think they’re seeing an historical structure.

It was shortly after this that things started to get weird. Across the square from the gates we found this.

It’s part of the same initiative as the murals. It’s all part of the “ArtUnitedUs” iniative, which is the biggest urban street art project in the world. The hedgehog is a monument to a cartoon, “Hedgehog in Fog”, which was produced in 1975, and it’s the work of the Kyiv Landscape Initiative. The claim is that in 2003 a survey of 140 cinema critics and animators declared it the best cartoon in the history of animation. How true this is, I have no idea, but it seems reasonable. And it certainly wasn’t the only odd art work we encountered. There was a cat made out of white plastic forks (by Constantin Skretutsky)…

And also, in the grounds of Saint Sophia’s cathedral, a squishy piece of work (by Beata Korn) that has a sign asking visitors not to cuddle it. You can see why because it’s oddly irresistible. This is part of the art-project “3D.Public Art” and if you can read Ukrainian, then you’ll know a lot more about it than I do!

We had enough time to investigate the cathedral, but not the rest of the “territory”, so handing over a very small sum of money, we went in. I wasn’t allowed to take photos, which was a shame, but understandable. To give you a taste, I’ve found this on the Wikipedia page for the cathedral.

The building work started somewhere around 1011, and it was founded by the Grand Prince of Kievan Rus’, Vladimir the Great, and building has 5 naves, 5 apses, and 13 cupolas, which is not normal for Byzantine churches. it has two levels of balconies on three sides and it’s full of the most stunning 11th century mosaics and frescoes. I can only imagine what it must have looked like when the mosaics were new, with gold everywhere, and paintings on pretty much every surface. The Kievan rulers were buried here, and the grave of Yaroslav I the Wise is still there.

It has suffered substantial damage more than once, and the hands of Andrei Bogolyubsky of Vladimir-Suzdal in 1169, then the Mongolian Tatars in 1240. By the time that Poland and Ukraine were trying to unite the Catholic and orthodox churches it had pretty much fallen into ruin. Repair work was finally undertaken in 1633 by the Italian architect Octaviano Mancini in what is known as Ukrainian Baroque, at least on the outside, while still preserving the interior art.

Its fate was in the balance again in the 1920s, when the Soviet government wanted to destroy the building (a fate that did befall St. Michael’s Golden-Domed Monastery on the other side of the massive square from Saint Sophia’s). It ended up being re-classified as an architectural and historical museum, a function that it still fulfills now. In a side area there is currently a display of some of the art that was saved from Saint Michael’s prior to its demolition. There was also an interesting work made out of thousands of Ukrainian pysanky eggs, highly decorated Easter eggs. The work, a depiction of the Virgin Mary in the cathedral, is by Oksana Mas, and is made out of something in the region of 15,000 eggs, all different. It’s really impressive, and it takes the eye a moment or two to realise that it is actually made of individually painted eggs.

Back outside we admired the bell tower, which, like those we saw in Finland, stands separate from the main body of the church. It’s beautiful, and apparently affords some fine views over Kiev. We didn’t think we had time, though. I took a few photographs, and bought a guidebook before we left to head back to the hotel to meet up with our colleagues.

The park was still buzzing, and the roads were as lethal as ever. I did spot another of the rather fine murals as we were walking along, and if/when we get back (there’s a suggestion of a repeat visit in Spring) I want to see how many of the 200 works I can find.

We were back at the hotel by 18:00, after a couple of hours of nosing around, and I know my impression of the city was pretty positive already, though I was slightly startled by the presence of a bagpiper outside the Metro station opposite the hotel. It wasn’t that he was playing an instrument most people assume to be Scottish, because I know enough to know that it’s a very common instrument worldwide (after all, it’s really just a bag with hollow pipes), it’s just that I’ve tended to regard the playing of bagpipes as an act of war! The Ukrainian version is called a volynka, and originates in the Carpathians.

It remained to be seen what else we might find, as we were due to be taken on a short tour by our Ukrainian colleagues at 18:30. Sadly, the Danes had fallen victim to a taxi driver who had misunderstood his instructions, and they were now on a misguided tour of the city as he tried to find his way through the rush hour gridlock back to the Park Inn from the Holiday Inn. By the time they finally made it in the door, it was dark outside, and the place we were headed for was close to closing. At least the two of us had seen something of the city.

Travel 2018 – Day 1, Kiev Monday, 17th September 2018 - Day 1, Kiev Finding myself in Kiev for a 2-workshop and meeting session with the rest of the 12-strong team I am part of, the London contingent (two of us) were on the ground and in our hotel about 3 hours ahead of everyone else, so with the dispensation of our lovely manager, we didn't have anything to do until the others showed up.

[notdeadjusttrash-blog]

My Friend has been Falsely Accused of Tracing So I Will Defend Him

Okay I accidentally deleted the blog I posted this one because I’m a dumbass, so I’ll just repost it here even though I don’t use this blog anymore, but apparently I still have followers. Bless caches because I was able to get this back from google caches so I don’t have to retype everything. I added further evidence and refutes to claims that were not in my original post btw.

Anyways, I am making this post to help out my good friend @5ru9 aka Falco who has been recently accused of tracing/copy pasting other people’s / official art!

I’ve known Falco for over 3 years, and we’ve grown as artists together. Once in a while we give each other advice on art (thanks for the mech and armor advice and teaching me how you line and color!), but most of the time we just meme each other.

Anyways, a lot of people have pointed out that they’ve seen him livestream before, and he’s already posted some of his block outs and other wips as proof that he does not trace in his post here:

http://5ru9.tumblr.com/post/168277137427/hello-i-have-been-informed-about-a-callout-post

To further prove his claim with solid evidence, I shall present to you!

Times he’s asked for advice on his art, or I randomly decided to mention things I notice in his WIPs!

Exhibit A-1:

A Tenkai Knight he made up! I pointed out a few things I thought were awkward about the perspective in his WIP.

Exhibit A-2:

He started working on this way back in July and didn’t finish it until much later because he was working on several other pieces at the same time. I suggested lowering the eyebrows and drawing the eyes a bit narrower to get more of the playful expression he was aiming for. In his final piece here, you can see that Falco continued to refine the piece.

By the way! The reason he sometimes posts a lot of detailed artworks one shortly after the other is because he sometimes works on multiple pieces at once! And then finishes coloring them around the same time.

Exhibit A-3

Falco and I spent good time trying to figure out why he felt like something was wrong with his sketch! I thought maybe it was the trapezius and I decided to red line (or blue line i guess) it so it’d be easier for him to see approximately where i thought the line should go to fix it.

Exhibit A-4:

The gif-ing process turned white bg into blue… anyways! Falco showed me an early version of his Tenkai Knights OC that he eventually used in an April Fool’s joke to pass off as a new character in the series. He mastered the tenkai style enough that at first glance, people really did believe it was official! Like you had to get a good look to realize Shiyu was not really a real new character! Btw I had to go into my old twitter acc to find this…. (Edit: the gif wasn’t working bc it was too big so i had to make it smaller… and choppier and stuff to fit the mb max)

Well now that brings us into!!!

Exhibit B

Some of his old art!! (I’m so sorry falco i’ll be exposing your ancient art to ppl now)

Here you can see his progress from 2014 Tenkai fan art to early 2015! It starts looking more and more like the official art, which is what he was going for.

For reference, here’s what the character Ceylan Jones/Washizaki looks like:

I blocked out fan art by everyone except falco (which i marked) that shows up in this google search. Everything else is official art. The two fan arts by falco you see here are more recent, the angel one being from 2016 and the chicken one from 2017 (i think he also made a version with sonic instead of the chicken? lol). They’re both on his dA accounts btw! The 2017 one really looks like official art, doesn’t it? But it’s his artwork! He practiced a LOT to reach that point, and I hope the earlier arts I showed above this one are enough to convince you in his art progression! Side note: i only used images w/ceylan because 1. i’m biased because ceylan is my favorite character and 2. he drew ceylan a lot because ceylan is his favorite character Also you can see his handle change from s3iwashi to burningbraven. 5ru9 is is a pretty recent handle.

ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THE TENKAI FANDOM FOR A WHILE CAN VOUCH FOR HIM!!!!!

And now for the last one,

Exhibit C

WHAT? WHO IS THIS???

This is my favorite character from a Chinese series called AOTU World! His name is Grey, or 格瑞。I commissioned Falco to draw Grey for me, and let me tell you it would be IMPOSSIBLE for him to have copied any of this. Why? Because the donghua is 3D and the manhua’s art is very inconsistent!

Let me show you the reference pictures I gave him to work with!

They’re all in my gdrive folder here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1CqwH5KS-pHX0ZqLHQpoIZBi6W-gsU_Tz

This is all official art from the manhua, except the 3D model is from the donghua. Look at how inconsistent the references are! There’s no way he could have copy and pasted or traced this! Grey doesn’t even do this particular pose anywhere. lol. I told Falco “give him a cool sword pose”. (I’m sorry for being so vague, Falco! But it turned out great!!) The style he ended up drawing in was a mixture of all of them.

Btw!! here’s the blockout and the sketch he sent me before I sent my payment for the commission!! You can see his construction in the block out!! The arm construction and leg construction is light, but it’s there. You can also see the block out below the sketch. Notice he actually fixed the leg length from block out -> sketch?

ARGUMENTS AGAINST SPECIFIC ACCUSATIONS

LOOK, thte actual drawing doesn’t even match the sprites that closely. Pay attention to the collar especially. The whole frankensteining the image and then painting over it thing is just way more effort than drawing it himself. They don’t even match that well in the overlays. Like wow it’s such a crime to try and stay on model.

WHO WOULD EVEN NEED TO TRACE A MOUTH LIKE THAT? IT’S SO EASY TO DRAW. I CAN DRAW IT PERFECTLY JUST BY LOOKING AT IT. (well i AM an animator so I also do style mimicking)

Doesn’t the fact that you have to edit the sprites to match his artwork prove that you’re just a tryhard in making up fake evidence and not a tryhard enough at art since you think it’s so impossible for people to draw characters on model?

Yes he referenced the broom and possibly the heels from this image, but your overlays for the leg and arms are disingenuous and you know it. The leg positions are different, and the overlay doesn’t even match up. Face tracing also makes no sense. You literally stretched the mouth to try and make it fit but it still doesn’t fit. Do you really think it’s that hard to draw mouths and eyes in the DR style? DR faces are really simple to emulate. Also you fool, if you follow Falco’s artwork enough, you’d realize the way he draws bodies is actually rather consistent even as he does different styles. Especially when it comes to hands. His way of drawing hands is how I recognize his art and know right away it’s his art and not official art or a trace (also his coloring style). The heels he drew are also reminiscient of how he typically draws shoes/feet. he draws them bulkier. The other art has dainty heels. At most he referenced how backside works because he’s used to drawing sneakers.

Also come on, if all you referenced from an image was a broom because you liked the style (his is also clearly drawn by himself since you can’t overlay it on the other one. like i said he mostly used the style as a reference for how-to-broom) and you referenced pieces from many other images, are you going to list every single thing you referenced? While yeah it’d be nice to, it’s a little ridiculous to expect all 5-20 references whenever they post the image. It’s a thing where, if someone asks, you’d tell them, but it’s too much to list all of it. This isn’t a 20 page thesis.

If it’s such a crime, then holy shit sue all those people who parody other people’s comics and sue everyone who dares!!! to ever draw something remotely similar to someone else. Dang.

Art doesn’t live in a vacuum.

Okay, this one is just plain stupid. You distorted the sprite to match it up with his, but what would be the point for him to distort it just to trace? Also if he traced, can you explain the rest of the fingers that are drawn nicely but clearly different from the sprite? Also the thumbs don’t even match up. His faces more downward while the sprite is facing more forward. Also explain the turned body in Falco’s sketch, then!! And the hair! OH WAIT YOU CAN’T EXPLAIN IT BY ANY OTHER WAY THAN HE DREW IT HIMSELF!!! BECAUSE NO SPRITES MATCH IT AND YOU CAN’T FIND ANY SPRITES TO DISTORT ENOUGH TO EVEN GET CLOSE TO MAKING FAKE EVIDENCE FOR IT.

By the way, the style he drew it in is closer to the drv3 than this sprite. while it’s pretty much the same style as the older games, drv3′s art is more refined than the older games. Falco’s art is also more refined as you can see. (wow not only did falco’s art improved from back when we first met; even professional artists improve. shocker. /s)

Dude what the hell? The overlays don’t even match up even ifi you tried to frankenstein them. And these are really common poses at really common angles, and once again, must every single thing we reference from be listed in the description of every place we post an image? Let me just list all 30 videos and 50 images i used as reference for one of my prints. jfc.

As for the saihara animation based on the digimon opening animation? It was pretty clear to everyone that it’s some kind of parody. Many people when making parody animations don’t mention the original video either?? It’s a fun thing for fans of the franchise to recognize the reference themselves. Yes he could have said it was the digimon opening on the description, but at least he didn’t say he thought of the idea himself? And if you talk to him about the animation, he will openly tell you it’s from digimon. And the fact that you think it’s a trace despite how much the overlays do NOT work out is practically proof that you’re just doing this maliciously and hoping that saying he traces enough with shoddy evidence will make people believe you.

ALSO PEOPLE LITERALLY TRACE ANIMATIONS TO MAKE PARODIES OF, DOWN THE STYLE WHERE ALL THEY CHANGE IS THE HAIR AND OUTFIT, AND YET SOMETHING WITH DIFFERENCES EVEN DOWN TO THE STYLE LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU THINK IS A TRACE? Do you need a new pair of glasses?

I was gonna ignore this one because it was the same as a lot of the others, but you literally erased Falco’s face line so it would match the sprite, and you covered the bigger boobs Falco gave her, and totally ignored that the angle doesn’t even match properly. Like you covered parts of his sketch in your overlay just to make it look more like it matches, but if you actually fucking overlayed it correctly, even with squashing it, it won’t fit. (Also sorry to point this out Falco, but the circles on your goggle lenses are too small compared to the sprite; Maybe if you actually traced like this person claims you’re doing, they’d be perfectly like the sprite. OH BUT WAIT YOU DREW IT YOURSELF SO OF COURSE THERE’S SOME DIFFERENCES. JUST LIKE HOW EVEN THOUGH ALL YOUR OTHER WORKS ARE REALLY CLOSE TO THE STYLE AND PRETTY MUCH ON MODEL, THEY’RE NOT EXACTLY THE SAME WITH THE SPRITES! SHOCKER...!)

HOLY FUCK. I already pointed out and gave evidence that Falco started on the Nier Automata drawing waaaaaaay before he posted the actual picture. The 2 sketches are sketches! They don’t take a super long time. I busted out 10 inktobers in 1 day. (thumbnails of my artwork below)

Look I even even lined and colored 5 fairly detailed chibis in 1 day (i did the sketches earlier though. btw i hand drew the plaid on ray. it was annoying)

At the moment I have 5 wips. They’ll likely all be done around the same time. I know Falco often has multiple wips as well, and sometimes he also finishes some of them close to each other. Some artists (like my friend Fish) can pump out extremely detailed paintings in less than a day. WOW some artists can draw at a fairly fast rate. WHO KNEW? (manga artists in weekly magazines pump out 15-20 pages of manga in a week)

He’s still developing a style; he’s mostly doing style mimics of series he likes in the mean time.

At the moment he’s mostly experimenting with the drv3 style, but he was practicing p5 earlier. By the way, he DESIGNED a phantom outfit for mishima. Who the heck would he copy that from? He made it up because he loved mishima and wanted to make him part of the gang in some AU fan art. Mishima doesn’t have artwork like this for him to trace, so it should be obvious it’s his own work.

And the pokemon and crash bandicoot ones are actually not that close. The pokemon one looks like a good attempt at imitating the pokemon style, but since he hasn’t practiced it enough, you can tell it’s a little off model because, well, he drew it himself and doesn’t practice the pokemon style a lot. Same with the crash one. Had it been a trace, with his level of control over his lines (which you can’t refute), it would have been much closer.

And you act like it’s a crime to imitate others’ art style. It’s really not. What is wrong with you? Do you want to slow down animation production by only letting the character designer draw everything? Or do you want animation where the art has 0 semblance of consistency because all the artists draw in vastly different styles? lol. What do you have against artists that try to stay on model?

LOL THIS IS ONE IS SO STUPID WHERE DO I EVEN START?

Oh, I KNOW. Why don’t I do that same pose with my own hands?

IT’S A MIDDLE FINGER, YOU IDIOT.

Just because YOU don’t know basic anatomy and can’t tell a middle finger from a pinky, doesn’t mean everyone else is as incompetent as you. He wasn’t doing the rock-on hand pose (sry idk if that pose actually has a name lol), and he’s drawn the rock-on hand pose properly before.

Closing statement

I believe I covered a lot of things and provided a lot of evidence here that Falco and his other friends did not cover in his defense against the false accusations.

I even added more counter arguments in this repost because apparently my original post wasn’t enough to convince people.

Perhaps the person calling him out meant well (no, I doubt it because they made a new side blog just to diss him because they knew if they did it on their actual blog, they’d be called out for being a jerk), but they did not do enough digging to find out if their claims were true or not (and they probably know well enough that they MADE UP THEIR EVIDENCE).

If you’re going to make a call out post, please make triple sure sure of everything before you accuse people. Talk to them first. Talk to those who know them too.

Many jobs require you to be able to draw characters exactly in the style given. Animators for example! There are multiple animators working on one series, and they all need the skill to draw consistently! Some games also have teams that need to be able to draw in the same style so they don’t have to leave everything up to one person. Comic artists often have assistants that help them draw background characters, but those background characters can’t be too different from the main style either.

As for the people who believed the call out post before, it’s perfectly understandable. I am also guilty of falling for similar posts in the past. Due to that, I decided it was best to double check before retweeting (i say retweet because i use twitter far more than tumblr these days. heck i almost never post anything on this blog) things, and if i wasn’t sure, I would just leave it be.

I hope my post was able to convince you on Falco’s innocence and all his hard work. And if you already believed him but checked out this post anyways… Thanks! ObligatoryPleaseWatchAotuWorld.

And again:

Art does NOT exist in a vacuum. All artists are influenced by each other and MANY artists, especially professionals, use a lot of references, whether it be from photographers, their own pictures, others’ artwork, life, or whatever. We all use many different resources. If you’re going to say that’s wrong, you just dismissed millions of artists in the world.