#It was truly SO hard to pick

[erisenyo]

What are five of your most favorite scenes you've ever written in your fics?

This was really hard to pick! Which was a nice way to realize I like so much of my own writing haha, and that so much of it was so fun to write. But I will go with, in no particular order...

The First Azula-Sokka Scene in Ch 11 of To Open Every Door to Night, To Meet Each Rising Sun

This scene was such a blast to write and was so cinematic in my mind, complete with super zooms and lighting effects and backing soundtrack. Trying not to spoil anything but I'm really proud of the way the tension rose across it and finally broke, and the way all the misdirection and revelations started to become clear. And fights are always really hard for me and I was really pleased with the way this one came out.

The Last Scene of To Be Named, To Be Known (To Be Loved)

I am really happy with how this last scene of the 5+1 turned out with all the callbacks and threads of earlier parts coming together. Zuko hearing all his titles in order again on his way to getting his new one, his people all around him, and then the ceremony itself was so soft and fluffy and warm to write and think about and I loved the mix of teasing and love the two of them manage to bring even to their own wedding ceremony.

The Sokka-Katara Conversation in Ch 4 of To Cleave These Roots We've Made

It was REALLY hard for me to pick a single scene from this one because honestly, I am so happy and proud of basically this whole thing and how it came together. But Sokka finally hitting his breaking point and dumping all the angst he's been bottling up and realizing his own feelings, and the way Katara alternately supports him and challenges him and prods him along in the conversation, was so fun and so cathartic to write. And I love how this huge fic-hinging moment was also so much about their sibling bond and the ways they step up for each other.

The Conversation at the NWT Gates in These Things Written

It was so hard to pick one scene from this fic, let alone from the series, but I am really proud of how Sokka and Zuko's conversation turned out here. I think I wrote it four or five different ways and I really like the end result. They finally achieve some understanding of each other and get some of their hurt into the open, and it was really important to me that both of their POVs carry equal weight and feel equally valid. It's easy to write S1 Zuko as just needing to realize he's on the bad side and then everything will be fine, but I really wanted to do justice to how valid Zuko's view of the world is to him from where he stands and given his experiences, and for that to come through even though the scene is from Sokka's POV, and I'm really pleased with how it turned out and then set up Zuko's journey in These Things Known.

The Opening of (With Wonder and Care) Reach for Far-Flung Dreams

I really love how the dialogue came together here! There are five people talking, sometimes on top of each other, bantering and telling jokes and interrupting and also setting up the story and what's going on, and it was a lot to juggle but I think it turned out really well. I was really pleased with how the comedic timing translated into writing, how distinct everyone's voice felt, and how all the interpersonal setup came through in the way people were interacting with and reacting to each other. It ended up just being really fun, which is exactly what I wanted before walloping Sokka with an emotional overload of being cared for haha

[bookburners]

If Bruce had the option to get his parents back but one of his kids would die he’d choose his kids every time.

But what if one of his kids had the option to get their parents back but Bruce would die?

[holy-reference-in-a-username]

please gimmie eduardo i need eduardo art i am eduardo starved

just went through all of @jeffrrandell's blog and BOY eduardo has grown on me. absolutely LOVE their hcs on this guy. still figuring out my takes on the neighbors, but since i'm here...

Hahaha ONE!!!

[theloveinc]

I do think it pisses people off how … good… your relationship with Togame is

[zehl0w]

Our father who art in genzen

[katiefratie]

Man.....taz balance is truly one of the most spectacular things ever made, nothing will ever top it or frankly even come close, I listen to and love a lot of dnd ap media and taz balance was the first so it will always be special to me but also it's so incredible and beautiful and funny and heart wrenching and warming and just I love these characters with my entire heart

[mamawasatesttube]

i went down a brief rabbit hole earlier about horribly embarrassing pet names for timkon fake marriage fic possibilities (more on this in a few days). now i present to you: the highlights from a couple of lists i found on dating websites that, yes, really, were suggesting these as potential names to call your actual real-life partner.

binky

sexy beast

mcdreamy

mcsteamy

tater tot

love professor

macho mack

schmoopy

cookie-kiss

nutter butter

hubba bubba

pickle

num nums

sheriff

sir loves-a-lot

hunk-a-lunk

little muppet

ms. luscious lips

goofo

and my personal favorite,

captain hottie pants

[cybertron-after-dark]

Being constantly surrounded by the presence of a loving God sounds great until you realize you never know when his freaky fuckin eyes are gonna show up to check on you.

And man. They do it a LOT.

[smtown-tourist]

You know, I gotta say, the fact that GOT7 has yet to do a 7 Deadly Sins inspired comeback feels like a crime

[abirddogmoment]

when all your toys are in the washing machine so you have to occupy yourself with a sock you found on the floor instead

[dayabot]

i love staring at my own gifs. hello ms betty

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 8 thoughts

i received an ask about this episode, so i am going to ponder it incredibly carefully and consider all matters!!!

so. someone who blesses the rains, huh? well. that doesn’t SOUND evil. but… i bet it is somehow evil. they never really run into a friendly werewolf, do they? maybe i ought to write that fic

my bet is that the dude is somehow a religious fraudster behind a cult…

post-episode thoughts: no cults. just weather. and the sound of my sobs. why are they so cute? will i ever recover? has my brain been permanently rotted?

i'm editing my notes the day after, and i still need time to think. to just ponder it all. to mull it over, really. wow... and there was only one bed. because of a cow.

does that cow know what his sacrifice gave us?

wow... <3

ooo! it’s valentine’s day! and this person is writing a valentine. how seasonally appropriate, as i type this in late january!

i like doing silly stuff on valentine’s day and telling people you love them. but the baby drawing is kinda creepy here. still!!

oh! she smooched it. now, that seems a little much, and perhaps unhygienic. and messy. a bold choice on shelia’s behalf.

she is in bright red lingerie while an ad for a wedding ring plays. i fear that this daryl fellow for whom she has written the card will disappoint her.

i want to hear the story of pandas in love on the news!! who cares about the county she’s in losing power?? it may be plot relevant, but that doesn’t make it INTERESTING!

shelia’s hair looks so freaking cool. 

daryl arrives. OH nooooo… she put her and daryl in the newspaper as a wedding announcement.

i thought the problem here was that they weren’t actually engaged, but they are! they just agreed to keep it secret for now. hmm. why did he want to keep it secret?? 

he wants to call it off?!?! rude!! what does the rain have to do with their engagement??

he is MEAN TO HER FOR EATING THE CHOCOLATES? shelia, listen close. you need to leave his ass. OH, i paused on her face when he said this, and she looks so sad :(

count your days, daryl

he goes outside and leaves while she listens to sad music. shelia. i will avenge you. daryl drives and sings and he has lots of beer in the car. THIS IS ILLEGAL!!! THIS IS DRUNK DRIVING!!!! CALL THE COPS ON HIM!!!

shelia is crying into her chocolates :(

and it starts raining!!!!

wait!! does it rain when she cries?? and she’s been happy these past few months, so that is why it isn’t rained??

shelia… you hold so much power…

it turns to hail and starts to crack his windshield!!! he runs off the road and into a pole!!!!!

well. he had it coming. 

AND THE HAIL IS SHAPED LIKE HEARTS LMAO

is it common for long-running TV shows to have a valentine’s day episode? i feel like the only one i can think of is parks and rec. but that’s a sitcom. so the vibes are inherently different there. who knows?

also, didn’t these air weekly?? and two weeks ago was the christmas episode?? 

hmm. much to ponder. maybe there was a winter airing break.

HA! shortened intro. i clock you once again.

we start with a time skip 6 months from valentine’s day. ah. well. i guess that answers that question. so we went from christmas to august in 2 weeks! huh, lots of fic you could write in that in-between time, i suppose.

mulder and scully arrive in shelia’s town in kansas!! in an airplane. how fancy.

LMAO, both their faces DROP as a man in a hat brings a boombox and a child in a leotard starts performing a routine, BAHAHA, what?

LOOK AT HIM DUCKING UNDER THE WING OF THE AIRPLANE, AWWW <3 he's too tall <3

BAHAHA, she says "don’t look at me, this was your idea"

so that is the mayor of the town of kroner!!! 

“if i’d have known you was bringing the misses with you, i’d have arranged for fancier accommodations” <- BAHAHA, MULDER’S FACE WHEN THE MAYOR SAYS THAT... I’M CRYINGGGG... he mouths “oh” and stands up on his toes; oh, i’m GIGGLING

shoutout to this twirling queen, rhonda, while interpersonal drama goes down... she is unbothered. flourishing.

scully clarifies that she is his partner, and he apologizes and offers a handshake… she takes this in good stride. he genuinely seemed quite upset with that mistake, and i felt a little bad for him. aww. mr. mayor. it's okay <3

but boy, does mulder look pleased as punch that mr. mayor made that miscalculation. i just know he launched him into pondering all the what ifs right then and there.

mulder has been vague as to what this “crisis” is that has brought them to town, scully says. oh yeah!! throw him under the bus.

daryl is prospering, while all the others suffer drought! he charges people for rain. shows up at your farm and does some stuff, and then the sky falls open. mayor thinks he is somehow causing the drought to make a buck. 

omg, is he being mean to shelia to do this….? and then she cries and it rains...?

scully does not seem pleased, LMAO 

“come on, scully, you act like i’ve intentionally misled you” “a man… controlling… the weather” <- BAHAHA, girl come on, this isn’t any wilder than the flukeman, is it?!

actually, yeah, it is. at least we could claim the flukeman was some previously unknown radioactive water beast. this is... well, it's not any crazier than eugene tooms, is it?!?

they go to visit the rain king’s office. his secretary is asking, on his behalf, for jelly beans with all the green ones removed, beer, and cigarettes. ah. i see. he's a diva.

but he is out of the town!! so how will they see him?

“i don’t understand… has he… don’t y’all need a warrant or subpoena or something like that?” “we usually just say please” LMAOOOO

(this line KILLED me)

her name is cindy, and daryl the rain king saved her daddy’s farm. she is incredibly furious they would accuse daryl of a crime. and sure enough, the weather report on the TV shows rain only in the town where daryl is currently visiting!!

she hands scully the customer list and says they will find them all to be satisfied clients.

mulder wants to visit the TV studio, where shelia is welcoming them in, saying she is so happy for them. oh brother, i see what is going to happen here, LMAOOO.

NOOOOO, she introduces them as the GUNDERSONS, and the studio guy hopes they have a truly romantic getaway LMAOOO

oh, they were just toying with the msr truthers at this point, huh? i feel your pain backwards through time.

mulder does not stop to correct them, so scully does it, and then he just stands there shaking his head BAHAHA!!! oh, he wanted to savor that moment 

the real gundersons have arrived and when they do mulder says “it’s like looking in a mirror” OH, YOU STOP.

aww, i feel bad for the weather guy (one mr. holman hardt) who has to give away vacations so people don’t hate him 

oh!! well, he just called this town sexy through the lens of weather. which mulder nods and smiles at. and the agents exchange a glance. LMAO hold on, look at her FACE. the eyebrow raise, BAHAHA. this is the look that you share with the bestie when you are going to debrief in the car.

you know what though, i’m happy for him. he seems to love his job. 

mr. hardt (the meteorologist) does not think daryl is to blame for the drought and subsequent rains, but rather, it is a high pressure system at work

“thank you. can we go now?” LMAOOOOOO, scully’s so pissed off

while mr. hardt went to high school with daryl, and he does not want to give daryl credit for anything, he does appear to be the real deal 

(scully looks deeply pained at this, while mulder smiles at her; she tries to smile politely) 

LMAOOOO!!! she’s killing me.

let us now take a trip to the monroe farm! scully points out that these people are desperate and ready to believe anything, when the rain king arrives. and he has a vanity plate, fancy cowboy boots, a crazy blue outfit, and he sits down next to cindy.

she presents him with a boot, which he declares to be the wrong one, and i do not like how he calls her “good girl” or “hon”. SHE LOOKS 16!! and why is he on crutches??

oh. because his other foot is gone. and that boot is a prosthetic. i see. must have happened when he hit that pole.

he says he did not ask for this gift, but he comes from a long line of healing people. and this is the cue for his dance number.

“and i… am 1/64th cherokee, and i can summon up my ancestors to bring water to this thirsty land”

(scully has her arms crossed and an expression of utter disdain, while mulder watches with confusion)

the rain king is sort of gesturing about while scully walks away, saying her irish aunt olive has more cherokee in her than daryl. she has an aunt olive from ireland! noted ✏️ 

“i mean, look at him mulder, does that look like a man who can control the weather?” (thunder cracks) LMAOOO

he gives them finger guns while they get soaked, BAHAHAHA 

okay, there was no sheila in sight, so maybe she doesn’t have to cry for it to work??

shelia is chatting with mr. hardt, saying she wishes the agents would leave daryl alone. holman is surprised to hear she still loves him, because all he cared about was her money!

“there are other men who will love you more” <- OOOO, TV STATION ROMANCE, LET’S GOOO!!

she does not acknowledge his comment

sleepy scully at the motel!!! the accommodations are not, in fact, fancy. she is kept awake by a banging noise. let her sleep!!!!!

mulder is wide awake at 3 am, reading newspaper clippings and snacking on his seeds, while the wind is whipping.

DID HE JUST GET UP TO CLOSE THE WINDOW AND SEE A COW FLY UP INTO THE SKY...... LMAOOOOOOO HIS FACE RIGHT AS I HIT PAUSE 

WHAT THE FUCK THE COW FELL THROUGH THE ROOF INTO HIS ROOM I’M CRYING

the next morning, scully gazes up at the ceiling where a cow has broken through.

“ma’am, unless you wanna get covered in hamburger, i reckon you should step outside” (a man starts a chainsaw) 

LMAOOOOO poor mulder, the most unlucky man alive. 

“oh miss, we moved your boyfriend’s things into your room” “he’s my partner, and we prefer separate rooms” “oh, old-fashioned are you, huh?” LMAOOOOOOOOOOO 

i love how they expect everyone to know "he's my partner" means official FBI business and no one understands their lingo

and there was only one bed!!! because all of the other rooms are booked for the high school reunion!!

will they cuddle... or will he try to be kind and accommodating and sleep on the floor?

mulder is getting his bleeding arm tended to while she pokes around his head, asking if he was checked for a concussion, and he theorizes that the cow was AIMED AT HIM. well! ruffling his hair while you inspect him for head trauma is not helping scully defeat the girlfriend allegations. 

mr. hardt arrives and says he feels terrible!! scully asks him to reassure mulder that the cow incident was a natural phenomenon.

shelia is here, too!! she has tears in her eyes and her mascara is running. OH, mr. hardt tries to tell her she shouldn’t be here. it was protective and cute. but she says it’s her fault!!! and she is very sorry!!

scully holds her a box of tissues as she tearfully confesses that she can’t control it, saying “i murdered that poor cow!!”. she claims that mr. hardt is covering for her because he knows the truth!!

“the night of my senior prom, a tornado demolished our high school” (cut to two teenagers getting blown away)

LMAO, WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS EPISODE??? I’M ACTUALLY CACKLING???

and it snowed at her wedding in july!!! and when she got divorced, all the clouds in the sky were laughing at her

“you know how you-you can see shapes in those big fluffy clouds?” (mulder nods eagerly)

i’m crying, why the fuck is he like this… he’s either trying to reassure her, or thinking, oh yeah, i love to look for shapes in the clouds. or both.

(scully watches him, turning to shelia and putting on a smile, as if to reassure her that she, too, knows about shapes in clouds)

so, there hasn't been a weather incident for 10 years until last night!! shelia reveals she was engaged to daryl until about 6 months ago, when a freak hailstorm cost him his leg. and since then, the rain has been following him. 

mulder reassures her that it’s not her fault: “yeah, yeah, i’m-i’m sure, scully, you have any doubts?” “no.” “you see?” “no doubts” <- i'm gonna LOSE IT

SHELIA KISSES HIS HAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF SCULLY, LMAOOOOOOO... I’VE SAID THIS SO MANY TIMES, BUT HER FAAAAACE!!!

but the doctor who was tending to mulder’s arm points out that daryl was drunk driving the night he lost his leg! mr. hardt didn’t know that, and looks very taken aback.

meanwhile, daryl is having that poor cindy rub his shoulders AND KISS HIS CHEEK??? JAIL!! NOW!!! he’s sitting and talking about his brain functioning on 14 levels. but the rain stops!!!

well. if he knows what’s good for him, maybe he can just retire now.

ohhh, back to the motel. scully wants to get tf out, but mulder finds an article from 1991 of the weather in town raining rose petals!!

OHHH, he thinks it’s mr. hardt?!?! because the day of the rose petals, his mother died!!

he has been hospitalized 5 times, each coinciding with a major weather event 

mulder proposes a reverse seasonal affective disorder, where the weather responds to mr. hardt’s feelings!!! and meanwhile, he’s in his room practicing his love confession for shelia!!!

when his phone goes off!! and it’s shelia!! he tells her he’s looking forward to the reunion, and she’s over daryl now. she needs someone who she can talk to and feel safe with… oh no… she's thinking of mulder….

“well, what do you think of agent mulder?” <- OHHHH NOOOOO….

thunder immediately crashes

mulder comes to mr. hardt's office the next morning, claiming he is saying goodbye, but wants to give him some help before he accidentally kills someone. he needs to let it out!!!

mulder clocks that mr. hardt loves shelia, and always has. and it was his fault there was a tornado at senior prom. 

mulder is sitting on the ground looking up at mr. hardt. and mulder looks so handsome. okay. fine. whatever.

“well, you better tell her, or you’re gonna kill somebody” mulder says and gets up to leave <- LMAOOOO, thus concludes his ability to help emotionally!!!!! i knew he didn't have much more in him!!

he says he really has to go now and catch his flight, but scully calls!!! there is a crazy thick fog!!

LMAOOOOOOO, WHEN HE SAYS MR. HARDT WANTS DATING ADVICE FROM MULDER, SHE GOES SO SILENT HE THOUGHT SHE HUNG UP..... BAHAHAAAAA

“mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?” “i will talk to you later!” HE HUNG UP ON HER!!! BAHAHAHAAAAA

she mumbles in the car, “the blind leading the blind” LMAOOOOO

daryl, meanwhile, is having cindy calculate how much money he owes to the various people suing him. “dairy queen will take me back; i get almost six dollars an hour!” BAHAHAA

when he brings up shelia, her demeanor changes entirely. he breaks up with her!!! saying he needs to go to shelia!!!

mr. hardt is gagged that mulder and scully have never had anything between them BAHAHAHAAAA

“i’ve seen how you to gaze at one another” (silence) “this is about you, holman. i’m here to help you” <- LMFAOOOOOO his ass was CAUGHT!!!!

mulder leads mr. hardt to shelia, claiming he is perfectly happy with his friendship with agent scully. he tightens his tie, and taps his cheeks, saying he needs to go in there and tell her how he feels!!

“i do not GAZE at scully” <- LMAOOOO, I’VE SEEN THAT LINE REFERENCED BEFORE AND WAS WONDERING WHEN IT WAS COMING 

god. he’s down so bad.

shelia is getting her stuff around… and mr. hardt chokes out that he loves her. she says she loves him too, not seeming to realize the vibes. when all of a sudden!!! rain!! it begins!!!

NOOOO!!! she loves mr. hardt, but she is IN LOVE with mulder!!! NOOOOO !!!

daryl is trying to get back with her, and when mulder comes in to try and separate them, daryl asks “what’s he got that i ain’t got?” “a job” LMAOOOO

NOOOO NOT HIS FACE, don’t hit his face!!!

NOOO!!!! WHEN HE GETS DARYL IN HANDCUFFS, SHELIA KISSES HIM JUST AS MR. HARDT AND SCULLY WALK IN!!!

he is covered in lipstick and she tries to tell him they can leave LMAOOO noooooooo, oh scully............. this shit always happens and she always catches a glimpse

but thunderstorms are coming!!!!

ooo, the high school reunion!!! it’s filled with buckets to catch the rain!! and mulder and scully are here!!! there’s a weather alert for the county!!

they are looking for mr. hardt and spot him right away. “this is YOUR fault!! she was kissing you!!” he blames mulder!!

oh no, shelia’s hitting on mulder, and scully tries to divert by saying mr. hardt wants to dance… NOOOOO, is she going to get paired up with him?? OH NO, it works!!! and mulder says to tell her!!! 

they’re dancing, and he looks like he is going to cry… he says he’s in love with her and he has been since high school!!!

she walks away!! while scully and mulder watch!!

“i’ll build the ark, you gather the animals… i was kidding!!” <- oh, WHERE is scully going… 

she finds sheila in the bathroom! 

she is explaining mulder’s theory that mr. hardt causes the weather, and she says she does NOT agree, but perhaps he is destroying this town accidentally!!

“you love him, don’t you?” “what?” “you’re jealous because agent mulder and i have a special connection, and you’re trying to divert me to holman” “WHAT?!”

LMAOOOOOO, wait hold on, is that a meme? have i seen that “you’re jealous because agent mulder and i have a special connection” meme before, somewhere before i ever started watching this show??

daryl is here!!! saying it is good to be the king as he walks in!

“where’s sheila?” “where’s your leg?” “cindy took it” LMAOO

scully is explaining that mulder and her have really, truly, never kissed (and shelia says he knows how to, which is DIABOLICAL)

WAIT HOLD ON. HOLD ON. 

“well, it seems to me that the best relationships- the ones that last- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. you know, one day you look at the person, and you see something more than you did the night before. like a switch has been flicked somewhere. and the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” 

WHAT. hey guys. WHAT. 

wait. what….

hold on. i need a minute.

scully…. what is it that makes you confess things about your love life to people in passing, and then never communicate those feelings ever again?!

they must leave as the storm drains are filling up. meanwhile, daryl is trying to beat up mulder. it’s not going well. and the power goes out!!! 

mr. hardt is sitting in a chair, sadly. when shelia approaches. she asks if he makes the weather!!! and he confesses he does it because of her!!! because he loves her!!! 

and she gives him a little smooch!! and then a BIG smooch!!!! and everyone claps!!!!

cindy comes back with a leg for daryl and they cry and it’s wet. gross. 

a lot of people are kissing. 

mulder asks mr. hardt how it went and he says “you should try it sometime” OHH…!!!!

and a year later, mr. hardt and shelia have a baby!!!! and the skies are very blue!!!

a little blue CGI bird flies by…. yeah 💙

i rewatched that scene where shelia and holman leave and mulder has the BIGGEST smile on his face, omfg…

hang on guys. i need a minute. 

shelia… she deserves this

somewhere over the rainbow playing after a storm in kansas is crazy, lmao

well… what are my thoughts?

first of all, msr truthers, y’all are the bravest bunch out there. truly you have endured the absolute MOST. because if i saw this episode while it was airing, i would have had to call off the next day.

the thing is, i know this show well enough by now to know that the next few episodes were probably written by someone else entirely and will have therefore no continuity. and mulder will go back to be being cranky soon. BUT. can we SAVOR what we had?? on this fine evening???

if i made gifs, i would NEED to highlight the parallels between 2x12 and this episode, where in both, scully talks to a random person she just met about her love life, and then never addresses it again. she’s just so fundamentally KIND!!! and even if she shuts herself off emotionally in some misguided attempt to keep herself safe, she will tell some person she just met the truth if it will make them feel better and OH. that makes me emotional.

and her checking his head for trauma…….

AND HIS BIG GOOFY SMILE WHEN HOLMAN SAYS HE SHOULD TRY IT…

and scully telling shelia that she DOES NOT BELIEVE mulder's theory but explaining it to her anyway because DAMMIT, maybe it can make the rain stop and bring a happy couple together. that was SOOO funny.

and scully’s shocked silence when holman wants his dating advice, LMAOOOO

aww man, i’m giggling and kicking my feet over here.

i am a sucker for outside people thinking that they are together. this is an excellent trope in any sort of media, but especially so for them

ALTHOUGH! i disagree with scully. i don’t think they fell in love one day and never went back. i think it went in stages. slow and gradual stages, and maybe there was one day a sudden REALIZATION of the fact, but it went bit by bit. from meeting to long car rides and building trust, perhaps too fast; perhaps it felt intrinsic. from nearly day one risking death and imprisonment, to this becoming a pattern a million times over. to the abduction arc and separation and the terrible, incalculable grief of their shared losses, and the way grief can bring you together and pull you apart. then falling back into an easy lull of the way things were, to the shattering of the cancer arc and nearly saying goodbye. to the ends of the metaphorical earth to save each other, then to the ends of the ACTUAL earth to save each other. to futile attempts at separation by the powers that be, with something unspoken hovering about between them the whole time, humming, changing shape. hours by each other’s bed. seeing each other’s naked body. tending to wounds. chastely. coming close, but never touching the live wire for fear of the shock. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHH (screams into my hands for a long time)

okay. so.

we at least know by now that mulder has OUTRIGHT declared his feelings for her. which is crazy!!!! and scully is doing her damnedest to act like she isn’t feeling the same, but girl has never been a good liar. 

i feel like i need to punch a wall, but like, in a positive way.

why am *i* getting butterflies??? THESE MFERS AREN’T EVEN REAL!!!!

okay. i once again ask you to hold on. give me a minute. i need to go do my duolingo and decompress.

okay. i’m back.

so, if nothing else, this was to me just a very silly and enjoyable episode. putting aside my own falling for the ship bait, i was laughing. like, the kind of laughter that feels stupid. when that girl was twirling or high school shiela blew away, i was HOLLERING. and cindy had me cackling, too. her line delivery was SO good. everyone was doing a great job. and i really loved both shelia and holman!!! with a show where there are so many one-off characters you never see again, it’s impressive when they stick out to you and play well off of each other. 

was the plot ridiculous? yeah, it was. but as i noted at the beginning, we usually get some sort of bad guy, and we didn’t this time! i mean, rain king wasn’t a good guy, but it was a nice change of pace. i know they didn’t want me to think the great mutato was the bad guy in that episode, but he was for what he did to those women, and i will not be censored. 

so rarely do we get a happy ending?? i imagine they’re apologizing preemptively for whatever is coming next. 

in terms of overarching plot, we haven’t had a lot of movement forward. we still have diana and spender on the x files, if you can even call them that now that they have been entirely destroyed (and did they check EVERYWHERE for backup files?!) and kersh has them doing frustrating tasks to keep them busy as they endure their punishment for trying to expose all the aliens. skinner is still out of the picture, which makes me deeply sad. come home, skinner. 

we haven’t had any real forward motion in those areas, or in the misadventures of CSM or even gibson! so i hope we do get some answers soon, but i’m also sort of dreading it, because i like when things are happy and generally, they aren’t in those sorts of situations. i KNOW his ass is hiding something. 

but at the moment, i do not know what that thing is, and perhaps i do not need to. perhaps all i need to do is sit with the concept of love. and how it changes shape overtime and how it stays the same. the end. 

as i finish editing my notes, all i can think about this time around is how mulder's face was smeared with shelia's lipstick. and how desperately i would love to see his face smeared with scully's lipstick. i would draw this if i could. and i can't. so i will sit here and picture it in silence. let us imagine this together, now. ah. exquisite.

[cookinguptales]

Do me a favor, okay? Next time you have a chance, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath and imagine someone loving you.

Imagine someone who gets excited just thinking about you. Imagine someone who loves the things you say and do and who genuinely enjoys spending time with you. Imagine someone who feels lucky every moment they get to be around you.

It can be a real person or someone you just made up. You can imagine them praising you or laughing with you or touching you or whatever love means to you. It can be romantic or otherwise. Take your pick.

And if you had a hard time doing it?

Do it again. And again. And again.

I read once that it’s important for us to visualize being loved. That your brain needs to be trained like a muscle, and like a muscle, it can become weak from disuse. Your brain can only do the things that you practice doing, and if you never, ever visualize someone loving you, it becomes difficult to even imagine someone loving you. You get stuck in a rut. And once it’s impossible to imagine someone loving you, it becomes impossible to believe you will ever be loved.

I think… sometimes it can become easy to stop believing that we’re worthy of love. And I think sometimes we have this fantasy of someone making us believe that we’re worthy of it again. Or that somehow we’ll just — earn it, one day. Being worthy of love and desire, respect and affection.

But I think the truth is that we can only start believing that we’re worthy of love if we’re capable of imagining it. And it becomes much, much easier to imagine it if you practice doing so.

It may feel awkward at first. Embarrassing. Silly. Maybe even painful. But think about it like this, maybe: your first day in a dance class, you’ll fall. You’ll look ridiculous. It’ll feel like your body will never be able to do this fluidly. But by the end of the class, you’ll be able to move in a whole new way. Maybe not perfectly, but… better, y’know?

Learn to waltz with your own mind, and try not to cringe too hard at your first awkward movements. Start small and work your way up if you have to. Someone liking you, then someone liking your conversations, then someone liking your presence, then someone purposefully seeking you out. Someone putting time aside for you. Someone thinking about you when you’re not there. Someone being with you because there’s nowhere they’d rather be.

It may feel self-indulgent, but… I mean, we all deserve to be indulged sometimes. And we all deserve to feel worthy of love.

So… indulge yourself. Take a moment and have a silly little fantasy. Get into the habit of imagining love, and imagining it for the you that exists right now, not the you that you wish you were.

Learn to speak the language of love as it applies to you, even if you think that it doesn’t, and one day you’ll realize how to use those syllables to say your own name.

It’ll come one day. In the meantime, let’s learn to dance together, okay?

[euclydya]

i don't. understand. why. people here. are so nice. to me.

[lemongogo]

fav characters come & go depending on what im into @ the moment obviouslyyy but elendira is here to stay 4ever

every day looking out the window like sigh.. miss you .. if u even care ….

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently