#It was interesting to make his condition more 'explainable' than to make it literally magical.

[lepurcinus]

I'm not into making fanfics or fan content in general. But sometimes I see so much potential to explore in the worlds of things I follow that it really frustrates me to see so little fan content that I want to explore it (Or maybe there is and I just don't know because it actually bores me a bit to look at that).

I kind of don't know, most WD Fanfics I know are based on the TV series and prefer to immediately go for the "more magical and fictional" side of the series instead of well exploring what the world of WD has to offer. Because there is material to play with the burrows, rabbit folklore, even with other animals like to go again for the ninth clone of Fiver who can't control his powers or something strange like that.

Meh just a vent.

[sugarcanehoes]

god i need all of your tubscar ideas like. now

anon. anon i am so Normal about them i promise.

rpf tubscar especially makes me ghhhh bc their age gap is so sexy to me. and the fact that tubbo literally grew up watching scar is just... you know this man is head over heels for his favorite youtuber and would do Anything for him. scar could tell tubbo to hold a handstand for 5 hours and tubbo would do it, no questions asked, and then would sulk for not being able to do it properly bc he doesn't want to disappoint scar.

and the YEARNING. don't get me started on the yearning, these two are the textbook definition of slow burn. not only they have this difference in age, but they live far apart and have very different lifestyles, so they always think the other is not interested. tubbo doubts scar would have time for him, knows scar has so much to do, thinks he's too annoying to hang out with scar because of the constant cursing and repetition of words. and scar doesn't want to bother tubbo, sees tubbo constantly hanging out with friends, drinking, doing subathons, playing all sorts of games and just being a normal young adult and scar really doesn't want to disturb that. so they stay silent, gazing at each other's discord profile, hoping the other will magically send a dm inviting for a call later that day, maybe we can revisit our sky block world?

eventually someone has to take initiative and i guess one night tubbo just feels restless and mindlessly sends scar a message, not really waiting for an answer, hand hovering over the 'delete message' button just seconds before a new text pops up in chat. 'hey, tubbo! isn't it late there? why are you awake? :)'

and then eventually it turns into a habit, two restless and anxious men bonding over minecraft, space, twitch, content creation and everything else. tubbo shows scar a dj set he's preparing for a stream and scar acts as if he's not interested in tubbo's hands moving quickly; scar shows tubbo his minecraft test world and explains in detail every single build and tubbo acts as if he's not dangerously focused on how skillful and experient scar is at the game. it shouldn't be hot... but it is. and both of them always say their goodbyes and go lay on their beds with their heads full of thoughts they feel ashamed about - thoughts that more often than not lead them to sneak a hand past the waistband of their pants.

and when they meet up irl? all hell breaks loose. the thoughts that were so well contained in the deepest, darkest spaces of their brains suddenly spill out as they try to act normal near each other. scar, who likes to be independent and hates it when someone tries to "help him", is suddenly okay with tubbo pushing his wheelchair and getting him food and water when the event gets too crowded. tubbo, who famously hates physical contact, is suddenly okay with scar pulling him for a hug, ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks while calling him kid.

and if tubbo ever gets drunk near scar, god, the post-drunk clarity would hit so hard because tubbo would spend the whole night whining to his friends that scar is so hot and that omg i can't, i literally can't, i have to sit on his lap, all the while his friends warn him that he's not really whispering as quietly as he thinks and that scar is definitely hearing him - and scar is also blushing a bit as he tries to ignore tubbo's comments about him, acts as if the slurred words don't get to him, curses his health conditions that force him to stay sober while trying to deal with this horny 20-year old clearly - and loudly - thirsting for him.

and when scar finally, finally breaks, after long hours of venting to a probably-very-high grian about how much he has to hold back near tubbo and grian slushes out an, "and why are you holding back? you're an adult, he's an adult, and there's clearly a lot of sexual tension. stop acting as if this is the first younger person you've ever hooked up with." (to which scar would groan and answer that "that was only once, ugh, why do you still remember that?"), scar finally tells tubbo to spend the night in his hotel room so they can have some alone time.

"are you sure your brother won't mind? where is he going to sleep?" "it's fine, toby, don't worry, he can stay in another room."

so tubbo sits down on scar's bed and scar wheels closer to him. they chat, and they're both nervous, but scar puts a hand on tubbo's knee and tubbo holds his breath, stopping mid-sentence to quiet down a moan. "i brought alcohol," he says. "you can drink a bit, but not too much," scar answers, and tubbo wobbles on his legs and tries to ignore the unsaid yes, daddy burning on the back of his throat.

tubbo reciprocates the touches, and he doesn't need much to finally make his dreams come true and climb on scar's lap. scar helps him get undressed, one kiss leading to another, and when tubbo sinks down on scar's cock, it's as if it all led to this moment.

tubbo is ecstatic. scar quickly gets breathless, but he lets tubbo indulge, telling him he's such a good boy and that you look so pretty, toby, to which tubbo only whines in response. tubbo comes first, crying out scar's name, but doesn't stop bouncing, too immersed in it to notice his legs burning and his cock struggling to keep up, until he comes again, shaking on scar's lap and hugging scar's neck, resting for only a minute before kneeling down on the floor and sucking scar until he gets his climax as well - and tubbo gets hard again, ruts against scar's leg, jerks off until he comes all over his fist, moaning as scar caresses his hair and shoots cum down his throat.

tubbo can't believe this is happening. it's too good, too fucking good, and he climbs back on scar's lap and stares at scar's face to try and convince himself that fuck, holy shit, i'm having sex with scar. scar smiles, rubbing circles on tubbo's hip, and tubbo is so horny, so needy, that even if his cock physically can't get hard again, he rides scar's thigh and sobs on scar's ear, hugging him close, intoxicated by scar's cologne, until scar gently pats his back and tells him, "it's okay, toby, you can stop now. there you go, good boy."

when they wake up next morning, limbs tangled and eyes hazy, tubbo fucks scar into the mattress, slowly, for good measure, as scar praises him and kisses his face. "tell me, kid, for how long have you wanted this?" "oh, you don't- you don't even know, scar. for- for so long, fuck-"

it becomes a constant. when they're apart, they turn on their cameras on discord to release some stress; when they're together, they spend most of the time either having sex or cuddling and chatting after sex. tubbo's friends mock him for being a daddy's boy. grian doesn't say anything, but he always has a smug smirk on his face when he catches scar and tubbo interacting in public, always touching each other somehow.

tl;dr: mutual pining leads to age gap daddy undertones 'they were both bottoms' needy whiny sex. everyone except their neighbours is happy.

uh. you probably intended this as a 'sexy headcanons' thing but i got SO CARRIED AWAY holy shit 🧍

i also have thoughts of c!tubscar and other headcanons but this is GIGANTIC already so i'll leave it to another time.

thank you for indulging me in my little tubscar brainrot era <3

[mymainwastoocluttered]

Is it just me or does some of the Jamil fanfics on this site make his signature spell a little too overpowered?

Like canonically there are limits to what his spell can do. And I assume it is very much like Jafar's limits.

Even though Jafar could easily manipulate the sultan, the guy was able to snap to his senses a few times on his own or with a trigger. (During book 4, Kalim does the same)

Iirc, when Jafar tries to order the sultan to forced Jasmine to marry him, I think he snapped out of it long enough to make a comment that Jafar is old. Or when he asks the sultan for the diamond ring. The sultan snaps out of it for a moment before Jafar insists that he needs it.

So my belief is that jamil's signature spell fails when he tries to force people to do actions that go against their beliefs (?)

Sorry for rambling, I'm very tired. Have a wonderful day/night

Jamil's power is... Not very well explained.

Like, "mind control" is a trope with such a wide range of possibilities. Like, how far does that control go? How much can be done with it? How long does it last? What are the conditions for it?

Jade technically also uses mind control when he activates Shock the Heart, but his mind control is very specific (makes people tell the truth) and has a very clear limit (it only works the first time ever). Moreover, if the power conflicts with the person's own principles (Kalim's extreme loyalty to Jamil), it won't work properly.

What I gathered from Jamil's power, is that it is like kinda hypnosis (which is what Jafar seems to be using in the movie). Only works with people with less guarded minds, or magically weaker (which is funny because Azul had to take Floyd's unique magic to make sure Jamil wouldn't be able to control him, implying that Jamil's magic is probably stronger than Azul's. I'd love to see Jamil try Snake Charmer on, like, Leona).

It also seems that Jamil can take it back whenever he feels like it? It is odd, because Kalim goes back to normal at the most random moments, and if we go with "breaks when it goes against someone's beliefs", it means Kalim was ok with practically locking people in the dorm and tormenting them for the sake of training. Also, didn't Kalim literally decide to let everyone leave, and then got charmed into taking that back? (Or am I remembering it wrong? Terrible memory, me)

And, again, Kalim was able to ward off Shock the Heart, so it's not like he couldn't do so.

It's also interesting to remember that no one knows Kalim like Jamil does, so if Kalim really wasn't against what was happening, Jamil would absolutely know and use it.

So, TL;DR, Jamil's powers are confusing and it seems nothing but more powerful magic (or cancelling/weakening magic like Floyd's) can break it. And it doesn't seem to have a clear limit other than, y'know, overblot due to magic overuse.

One thing I've seen in fics that I don't get is how people seem to still be conscious while being controlled? That makes no sense. Kalim literally says he's missing some chunks of his memory and his fellow students have to fill him in on what he does when he "has a mood swing". If Jamil mind controlled you, you would not know it. I know it kinda seems so because we see Jamil do it, but that's the game giving us the cue, instead of Yuu actually seeing it.

(a fun thing I noticed is that both Jade and Jamil's unique magic requires the target to look directly at their eyes. Ruggie, meanwhile, doesn't need to do so, probably because he can only control the body and not the mind)

[thegeminisage]

tng update time. a day or more ??? ago i watched "the outrageous okona" in several bits and pieces, and then last night i caught "loud as a whisper."

the outrageous okona: this one is...fine? i think it seems better than it actually was due to being in the first two seasons in tng

i liked okona and i really liked the plot twist about him not actually doing any crimes whatsoever but instead playing messenger boy for his buds. that part was good. appearances deceiving etc, and he pulled a very clever stunt to get them to admit the truth. unfortunately by the time i started liking him the episode was over. so.

did NOT like the "data can't be funny" plot...like, he did define a joke in an earlier episode, and it frustrated me that he seemed to have forgotten the definition and NO ONE would explain it to him. they just kept going "you gotta feel it bro"

personally, i think if data was told the definition of a joke, and had the concept of comedic timing also explained to him, he could master the art of TELLING jokes, even if he himself never felt or even understood the urge to laugh. it's just ai learning. i guess in 87 they just hadn't conceived of it.

i did like the part where guinan was like just bc you cant laugh or make other people laugh doesnt mean you're not human...it was kind of the narrative to want to be accepting of his differences...but at the same time the whole premise felt so terribly unfair to him it's not enough to save it

also, the jerry lewis moment has uh...aged. a lot of those jokes aged

speaking of data, he had several good ace moments in this episode. "sexual attraction is not a part of my programming" and "i don't believe it's true that the act and emotion of love are the same thing" etc etc. i don't know if i believe in ace data because again you cannot be making the robots ace but i do deeply respect people who do and i'm happy for them that this was in this episode. if stuff like this keeps happening you could win me over maybe. MAYBE.

loud as a whisper: WWWWOW 10/10 EPISODE.......a rare win for early seasons tng......

first of all, that one guy speaking through those other people was COOL. like at first it was a bit creepy, are they his thralls or what, are they ok, why does he keep flirting with deanna in the workplace, but after it was explained that they were interpreters and after riva got angry that picard spoke to them instead of him it was like. YES. this is the shit. his interactions with deanna became a lot less skeevy once you realize his interest is genuine and benign and he's not some megalomaniac psychic nutjob

his conversation with geordi...like yes it's a little on the nose to be like "my disability is part of me and i like who i am so i like my disability" but this was 87. some people hadn't gotten it yet. i mean hell a lot of people still haven't yk

offering geordi a cure out of nowhere when they previously said it was impossible is wack BUT I DID REALLY LIKE that even though geordi's condition causes him chronic pain he still didn't leap at the chance to have his sight restored. like that's his way of existing and being alive and nobody would choose to change it on a dime unless it was causing them nothing but abject misery...like it's such a nice way to communicate that geordi values the different way in which he sees the world

not to be like sooo personal on a fucking tng liveblog post and definitely not to be like "being blind is exactly the same as x" bc it's absolutely not but things like being ace or having adhd/a multitude of other mental illnesses have caused me so much FUCKING grief over the years but if someone came along and offered to magically fix me like...it's such a fundamental part of Who I Am and how i experience being alive that if i was fixed i might not be me anymore and you can SEE THAT like you can quite literally see the gears turning in geordi's head and it's so fucking good. i love geordi so much he's my best friend

today i still have to do "the schizoid man" and "unnatural selection" hopefully before 730pm where we will finally do "a matter of honor" and "the measure of a man" together. AUGH

[peasthedumb]

So I sorta wrote a story thingy about Azulis (mah sona). Yall can get a hint of the very beginning of my OC’s full story from this I guess

(Am very awkward about sharing my writing but fuck it, I wrote this and I can’t think of any other way to get my OC’s story out there)

Azulis followed closely behind her new friend. Their name was Nova, wasn't it? She was pretty sure that was their name. They were rather interesting. They had 3 sets of ears, and a long thin tail that had a plume of extra fluffy fur at the base and the end. Their fur itself was in some of the most spectacular shades of purple and yellow. They almost looked like they came from space…that explained the name. She also knew they said something about dealing with…crystals? Magic crystals. Crystals that heal. So they’re a healer? Azulis thought that was boring but hey, Nova seemed invested in healing. At least the crystals seemed pretty.

How had Azulis even gotten here? It seemed like it was just a few weeks ago she was still up on that mountain. Her species was still rather tribal in nature. They came in 5 different clans,distinguishable by the colours of their markings, red, green, blue, yellow and Purple/pink. Each clan was very proud, and liked to segregate themselves from the other clans out of belief that they are lesser than them. Although, they especially hated the red clan, and the red clan especially hated them.

Azulis was doomed from birth. She was the child of two from different clans. Most who are born like this end up clanless, with white markings, but she was cursed to have blue and red markings so that everyone knew. If it had been any clan other than red that marked half of her, she probably would've been forgiven, but no. She was red clanned on her Right and Blue clanned on her left. She was a stain on the perfect record of the clans, and so she was forced to stay with the clan that everyone hated the most. The red. But obviously they hated her too. She was imprisoned, and although not intentionally harmed, she wasn't kept in great conditions. Red clan itself was struggling, so she was hardly even left with scraps of anything to eat. And then there was Xara, whose mere existence was like salt to a wound. She was narcissistic and cruel, but worstly, she was a mixed clan too. Red and Green. She had been exiled here too, but had gladly devoted herself to the Red clan. When she eventually got herself on good terms with the Master of the clan, she was allowed to be welcomed as a part of them, even if half her markings say otherwise. She was the proudest of all the Red clan. And she HATED Azulis. To Xara, Azulis didn't deserve to live bearing the markings of red clan if she's not going to be loyal. She went out of her way to make Azulis’s life worse. But still, Azulis lived, keeping herself calm. She was good at that. Blue clan is renowned for their calmness. But red clan is renowned for their violence, and it didn't take more than a few years for that to come out in her.

She waited until a mistake was made in locking her cell, then she bolted. She ran for all it was worth. Somewhere in the panic she clawed a red clan person's stomach open. She took his sword, and continued running. She never looked back.

And now she was here. Far from where her species called home. Most people here didn't even know what species she was.She was seen as Exotic. Her long, glossy grey-blue fur, her long and incredibly fluffy tail, her massive ears and glowing markings, even her glass like claws, sharper than knives. Most who saw her left a compliment on one of these aspects. Too bad she didn't take well to strangers trying to interact with her. But then there was Nova. The two had bumped into each other, literally. Azulis had looked up for a split second at the forest canopy as she heard an interesting bird call, and when she looked back down, she'd collided with this purple bundle of fluff. And now they were friends.

She told Nova the basics of what had happened to her, and I do mean the very basics. Something along the lines of ‘I escaped imprisonment and have been surviving in the woods ever since’.And Nova explained how they had fled their old village as it was becoming a trend to trial people for witchery there. It was only so long before they went after them, so they decided to pack up and leave. They were looking for a new village to settle in. Azulis had never been to a real village. Even back with the red clan, that was more of a camp than a village. The ‘prison’ had just been some bars blocking off a section of a cave. Nova promised to help Azulis adjust to village life, and try to explain civilisation to her. She thought it sounded interesting enough. And so now she's tagging along with Nova.

She wonders what it’ll be like if she ever manages to settle into a village.

[fourteenth-seat]

given the existence of other stars and confirmation that aether exists on other stars, i'm gonna go ahead and elaborate on the music's origins. this is also partly inspired by @seatedsacrifice​ telling me about AST quest lore so...thank you to tick once again for enabling my madness :^)

paion's first self was not a native of etheirys. the music hailed from another star that fell long before the advent of the meteia of even the existence of hermes, or amaurot itself. etheirys was still forming when that star met its doom at the hands of its inhabitants, who were masters of sound-based magic do the point where they could command virtually anything on the planet with their voices. they became so powerful that they could meddle with the laws of existence, and since they tended to be a very opinionated people (with quite a few of them being confrontational as a result of this), their star ended with a conflict that culminated with most of the star and virtually all of its inhabitants being quite literally sung out of existence -- not to death, but simply out of existence.  thus, there would've effectively been no evidence of its existence left for hermes or the meteia to later discover. the only existing remnant of that star's mass that remains in existence is, yep, you guessed it -- etheirys's own sun (since, afaik, the lore hasn’t explained much about the sun’s existence, so i’m writing myself!) we don't know how the music escaped the destruction of his star, or how the sun is the only remaining part of it, or if there are any other survivors. the music is, however, the only one of his kind that ever appeared on etheirys. nobody knew the music wasn’t etheirian, as he was very secretive about his origins (much like paion was for many years.)

the people of that star weren't even really people in a convention sense, more like entities that inhabited a manner of existence that i would class as being somewhere between people and vague inexplicable entities with towering, eldritch corporeal forms (not unlike the old ones from btvs, although they were generally more angelic in appearance.) they were very people-y in terms of having their own desires, interests, opinions, and motivations, however. i don't have much on their society yet, save that it was originally ruled by seven kings (with king being a gender-neutral term) and that its size was larger than that of etheirys.

at some point, he assumed a form similar to that of the ancients' default humanoid forms for the sake of blending it as he walked among them. the music probably chose to abide on etheirys and facilitate existence upon it because he found within it potential to recreate his own home, and his eventual actions in founding aeolia were likely his attempts at recreating his own people, in a sense, as quite a few aeolians were literally his descendants, who carried at least some measure of his aether and physical ability (into whom he would typically reincarnate, as the bodies of other etheirians were too physically weak to carry his soul and his voice.) the unique balance of elementally aspected aether in aeolios (particularly with the earth-aspected aether, which is known for making things big and strong) also made for the perfect conditions for strong vessels to grow in. the music also did genuinely want to give back to the star that he took shelter on by protecting it from the eruption of aeolia's supervolcano, which, while it wouldn't have completely destroyed the star, it probably would've ruined a good part of it and plunged the rest of it into a nuclear winter at the very least. so, before the music allows himself to die (and dying was not really a thing where he came from), his last act was to write himself as part of etheirys's existence with his voice, and he sealed his connection to etheirys by dying and entering the aetherial sea, thereby subjecting himself to many of etheirys's existential laws. unlike other etherians, the music posseses and maintains the ability to choose who he reincarnates into, but he can only do this after a previous incarnate has died and his soul returned to the aetherial sea, whereupon he regains his memory of being able to do this for a short time.

paion, while being physically strong by etheirian standards, is still far too physically too weak to carry the music's soul and utilize all of his powers, partly as a result of being raised away from aeolia, and due to the fact that one of his parents was amaurotine. a lot of paion's power also comes from the sun as a result, the aeolians' weird fixation on the sun is absolutely related to this. paion's transformed self is also more or less a scaled-down replica of the music's true/original form. paion also does not remember 99% of this, and cannot really be held responsible for the music's choices. as a result of carrying the soul of a being that is essentially an alien, paion's soul is extremely strange and its aether radiates with a visibly different wavelength than souls native to etheirys. the only memory of any of this in existence was the music’s amalista (crystal upon which he etched his memories via his voice), which the music left behind for his people and his incarnates to reference. unfortunately, paion inadvertantly destroys it with his own voice while he’s trying to figure out what the hell he’s hearing from it.

[heniareth]

But what if Nelaros had survived.

If Tabris is recruited into the Grey Wardens, he comes with!

Now he just has to survive the Joining (if he becomes a Grey Warden, but Duncan probably would have to recruit him too if the guards learn that he was involved in Vaughan's death)

And Ostagar

And every single freaking quest including the Deep Roads themselves

Nelaros with the trap-maker skill and his blacksmithing knowledge, fixing armor and weapons, maybe helping the rogues and finding new ways to apply poison to weapons which are quicker, waste less poison and are safer for the wielder

Nelaros seeing more of the world than he ever has, and it's so big and beautiful and dangerous.

His honest heart and friendly nature gain him friends among the companions. Alistair helps him hone his skills with the blade; him and Zevran discuss the differences and nuances of Fereldan and Antivan courtships in depth; he is fascinated by Morrigan's magic; he asks Leliana about Orlais, Wynne about life in the Circle, Sten about the Qun (he's had a taste of the wider world and wants more); he adapts weapons for Shale and steals Oghren's drink from time to time

Romance with the companions would be a.... topic to discuss

Tabris and him are technically married. Or engaged (the wedding was interrupted, they never said any vows). What do they do? What do they want? They fought through Denerim and through Ostagar together; where does that put them in relation to each other?

Either way, imagine: the fiercest battle couple/comrade in arms you've ever seen

They made their way through an arl's palace with stolen weapons and armor, two untrained elves who probably had a little too few meals in their lifetime, and they made it out alive

Literally nothing is gonna stop them

Making quick work on the slavers that dared to threaten their people. They rescued Shianni, they do the same for Cyrion

Standing side by side before the Landsmeet, before the nobles who stood by as the alienage was purged, the Blight swept through and slavers ran rampant, and knowing that they killed one of them at the start of their adventure and could proceed through the whole Landsmeet if necessary

Oh, and by the by, the Dark Ritual has potential new warden to complete it (:

Amd finally, the Archdemon. One sacrifices themselves; or they both survive yet again. Either way, there's gonna be tears.

After the battle of Denerim, provided he has survived, he tells Cyrion, Soris and Shianni everything about his adventures. He helps either Alistair or Tabris or both sort through the aftermath of the battle, deal with the ceremonies and get the best deal out of the new ruler's gratitude. He might not call the Denerim alienage home, but it's an alienage and he's an elf and he'll be damned if things don't get better after all of this.

Even so, he stays with the Grey Wardens. After travelling the length and width of Ferelden, the walls that encase the alienage seem terribly confining in comparison. There are more darkspawn to kill, the Grey Wardens need more recruits and capable leadership... and maybe Tabris is still around and they'll be able to share this chapter of their lives as well.

--

Or Tabris could tell the Denerim guards he wasn't involved and tell Nelaros to sit his pretty self down and to look after her family for her

And Nelaros does

He endures the hostility their neighbours direct at him and Sodis for antagonizing the humans

He defends the Alienage and the same neighbours that threw stones at him when the humans come with torches and swords (they are here because of him after all, says a voice in the back of his mind). He runs into a burning building to drag somebody out (he knows his way around fire thanks to his work at the forge). He gets one or two kids out of the orphanage and is devastated that he couldn't save more of them.

He watches Soris and Valora grow fond of each other and thinks back to the girl he went searching for and who fought by his side through a heavily guarded palace

News of the defeat at Ostagar get to Denerim and they hold a funeral for her

He supports Cyrion as best he can, looks for work, brings home money and food and medicine when they need it. He's doing it for her (and, slowly, he becomes part of the family)

He still thinks about Highever and his family there. He writes a lot of letter

Then the Blight comes. There have been plagues in the alienage before and Valendrian takes the necessary precautions. Nelaros might be able to contribute some information of interest; after all, life in the Highever alienage is rougher than in Denerim and they surely have seen plagues aplenty

When the slavers take Valendrian, everything descends into chaos. Nelaros tries to help. Valora is the next to be taken, then Cyrion. He finally goes to the Tevinter mages to see what is going on and promptly gets caged as well

He's lucky; he waited long enough before snooping around to still be there when the fabled Hero of Ferelden shows up

It turns out to be Tabris

The surprise is immense; the reunion is probably awkward (even if she's not in a romance with a companion, she's definitely not the same person he met a year ago). But all that has to be resolved quickly or be put aside because of the Blight

He helps fill her in on what happened during her absence; maybe she asks him to accompany her to the Landsmeet to accuse Loghain

Never before in Ferelden's history have two elves stirred up a Landsmeet like these two

Afterwards, Nelaros decides to be bold and asks for an audience with the new ruler. He explains the situation in the alienage and beseeches them to help change it. It might not amount to much, it might not even yield any results, but he had to try (his determination impresses the ruler. They will remember this elf)

He helps Shianni defend the alienage during the battle of Denerim. If he doesn't fall, he helps rebuild, put out fire, tend to the injured (he also tries to establish conversation with the Dailish elves that have helped defend the city. While not all of them are very receptive, their keeper is more than happy to join forces with the city elves to prevent more people from dying in the aftermath of the battle)

In the end, however, the Denerim alienage is no longer what it once was. A lot of people are leaving. The question presents itself: should he stay and help rebuild, go back to Highever or join Tabris (if she hasn't died) on her future journey? The question has no easy answer: he has come to love the Tabris family; the new ruler contacted him again about the business with the slavers and better living conditions for Denerim's elves; the kids he saved from the massacre at the orphanage look to him for a father figure. In the end, he stays. He's needed here, he has the chance to make a difference, he's happy; and, if Tabris is willing, he can wait for her a little longer

[fightxxmexxshiggy]

People mentioned dnd to me and now I'm having thoughts so everyone can have a crisis with me about how hot this would be.

BAKUGOU the first one up is our sexy boom man and lord let me tell you I absolutely see him as a lvl 15 half elf artificer (really hope I spelled that right) he would come up with the most intricate bombs and weapons that he'd have a reputation for always being ready to level a kingdom if he needed to. He would literally find you doing some petty theft to survive and decide your interesting. He would take you on as an assistant teach you some profitable skills and when he felt you were gonna be ok without him talked to you about where you could go for a good job. He is not happy when you laugh in his face. That is until you explain that the only thing you wanna do for work is be his assistant and work his cock inside your hole every night if he'd let you. This was absolutely the perfect thing to say because the next thing you know he's gripping you by the neck and slowly walking you backwards to the bed. The moment is tense and you can feel the sex energy in the air so you make a joke about being ready to store his boom stick for him. He smirks and pulls out a long thiccc cock that has you both wary and wetter than a flood. He would crawl over you and slide it between your lips the hand on your throat still gentle but the command he has over you is unmistakable. As he gets a steady pace of face FUCKING you, he also gets into a little rythm of squeezing and caressing your throat in time with his cock head hitting sliding into it. Before long he's cuming down your throat and growling at you to drink every drop like a good girl so he can fuck your little full of his next load. He would literally say "only good girls get breed and good girls drink all the cum their given so keep swallow my pretty assistant."

SERO he is a shifter archer who was on the way to meet up with his party when he finds you wounded after a battle with a rude hobgoblin. He patches you up and takes you with him to the next town to get you to a proper doctor. After meeting with his party he goes back to visit you and make sure he didn't drag you here only for you to take a ground nap. He doesn't expect to find you up and fully healed. But at this point he's just gonna go with it. As a thank you you take him to a local inn for a meal. After talking and laughing together for a bit you start getting flirty and rubbing his leg underneath the table. He grins slow and cat like before hooking his leg around yours and jerking his head towards the back alley. Once outside he's got you against the wall and is finger FUCKING you WHILE he rolls your clit with his thumb. In minutes your squirting and squeezing his fingers. That's when you learn that shifters are long and strong. SERO'S teeth are gripping your shoulder while he holds you up against the wall finger tips digging into your ass and hard cock rearranging your guts like it's a damn sport. Your cuming again when he let's go and floods your womb with hot cum. Just as your ready for him to put you down he starts thrusting again hitting your deepest spot like he's guided by magic. The nonstop pounding has you breathless an unable to do more than grip his hair as you moan in his ear. A part of your mind is wondering if his party has space for one more until everything goes blank when you cum so hard you go limp.

KIRISHIMA he is a goliath barbarian with a surprising sense of humor. His party uses your town as a homebase of sorts and he comes to your shop often for supplies and even more often for the snacks and pastries you sell at the counter. He always buys enough for his friends and then sits down with the large portion he got just for his big ass self and has tea with you while he fills up. He regales you with tales of his dungeon raids and where he might be off to next. Usually he leaves you with a little charm he had carved while off on a quest except this time he leaves a wooden carved ring with the word mine engraved on it. The sly man has already headed back to the large home he shares with his party on the edge of town. Once the work day is done you march down to his home an knock on the door. It's answered by the ever grumpy half self that you push past and march up to your goliath. You drag him out by his ear and hand him the ring back with a growled if you don't put it on me the right way no more snacks. He puts it on your left hand and then throws you over his shoulder. He runs to his room and drops you on the bed much faster than you would have thought such a big man could. With your skirts thrown up around your waist you have a perfect view of the redhead slurping and feasting on your pussy. It's only after your 6th screaming orgasm that he frees his cock. You swear it's a war hammer made of flesh but that doesn't stop your pussy from clenching at the sight of it. Long minutes later you were impaled on half of his cock just whimpering and squirting while he worked you up and down like a fuck doll. His growls and snarls only made your pussy weep more juices down the length of his cock. On a particularly hard thrust you came so hard your pussy convulsed around his cock milking his cum from him so violently that even when he had shot every drop into your welcoming womb he was still twitching inside as if he had more to shoot.

DENKI he is a tabaxi rogue. He was doing some scouting for his party on a quest when he sees you. Your collecting herbs and fruits nothing strange except your scent hits his nose like mace to the face and he jumps from the tree's to land in front of you. Needless to say you are freaked out until he apologizes and explains that his species are drawn to the sent of their mate and your scent is making him want to both protect you like a precious treasure but also rail you like he's in rut. Yes he says this like it's not kinda nuts to say to a stranger. You weren't happy in your village and you had given up on finding a life partner so you took a leap and said you'll be his mate on the condition that he courts you like other races do first. He's over the moon and agrees but asks that you let him cover you in his scent before he goes back to his work just to keep him sane. He rubs and grinds all over you for about five minutes before running off to continue his work. From that point on he visits you at least twice a week and courts you, bringing gifts and having meals with you. One night after it had been two weeks since he last came he shows up with a few almost healed wounds and tells you that his last mission was difficult. You fuss over him for a while until you notice the clear bulge in his pants. Thinking about how much you had missed him you decided that you needed the closeness that only sex could bring. He's panting at the knowledge that he'll finally be able to claim the little pussy that's been giving off the most alluring scent he's ever smelled. A few minutes of tongue FUCKING you with your leg over his shoulder later, your sliding down his thicc cock and riding him like you used to ride your father's horse. He's FUCKING up into you with no mercy, absolutely abusing your gspot. The sensations are too much and you can't stop crying as you cum soaking his cock. He rolls you to your back still fucking you like a madman until he shoves deep and his cock swells locking him inside your pussy as he cums so much you can feel it escape your pussy.

Someone come take my internet away. @hipster-merchant-of-death @reinawritesbnha @sendhelpimstupid @cupcake-rogue

[swanqueensalad]

TRIGGERWARNING!

Without triggering anyone I wanna ask two things:

1) Was Cora ever physically abbussive towards Regina?

2) I know many ppl's head canon is that Leopold raped Regina again and again as his bride, but is that your headcanon too?

ok again TRIGGER WARNING for abuse & SA (and brief mention of suicide) for anyone reading/scrolling!

i'm going to just explain my personal interpretation of the show and these subjects, bc i find regina so interesting and heartbreaking. and i actually do think part of what makes regina so fascinating as a character is her relationship within the cycle of abuse and how yes, she was incredibly hurt and manipulated all her life, but she eventually managed to break free of it all and work to be better for her own child.

buckle up because i have a lot of feelings and this is probably going to be LONG

so, my thoughts on exactly what happened and why regina is as fucked up as she is:

so yeah, cora was a horrific parent. it's canon that she abused regina both emotionally and physically for practically all her life.

in practically her very first scene, we see cora using magic to hurt her eighteen year old daughter - to violently restrain her/drop her to the ground when she 'misbehaves' which pretty clearly says this is a woman who uses power and fear as a control tactic, and is not afraid of physically hurting regina.

and if this is what she was doing when regina is almost an adult, i think it's safe to assume she's been doing it since she was very young - regina's response 'please don't, i'll be good' is the conditioned response of a much younger child. everything about the way regina was written, her relationship with cora, and the way lana and the directors chose to play it screams abuse victim. she is hypervigilant - she jumps when people come close or make sudden noises. when she's choked with magic she immediately knows not to struggle or fight back. as a young girl, she is terrified of doing things wrong.

(also, when we get the flashback to actual 10 year old regina, cora says she can't help her because 'it needs to be someone who's magic has never hurt her')

while i think most of the time cora relied on magic to physically punish regina - knowing how much regina particularly hated it/was afraid of it - i think she was definitely not above slapping her for more minor infractions

beyond just physical abuse, cora was clearly emotionally distant and got regina to a place of being pretty touch-starved and desperate for affection. (lana and barbara play this so masterfully as well) we see her being constantly, nastily critical of everything her daughter does.

i think it's also implied in the regina rising book that cora was controlling/restrictive of regina's food to ensure she stayed thin/attractive which is just a whole other can of worms

as for leopold. please bear with me while i RANT:

nothing will ever make me more mad than the fact this man was never held accountable in the narrative for his role in regina's story and how absolutely fucking awful he was.

first of all, even before he meets regina, he is dodgy af. he supposedly genuinely loves cora, but throws her out immediately when he discovers her pregnancy without even asking her if it's true/discussing it. also, even in that flashback the man is visibly much older than cora and even more so than eva, who he actually does marry (although i do believe they came to truly love each other). so yeah he has a habit of Not Listening to women and not looking at women his own age

and then we get to regina. the eighteen year old daughter of his ex fiancee (younger even than the unborn child who cora carried when she was engaged to him)

yes i think he raped her. because powerful old men do not marry pretty eighteen year olds for the company. (also, if it was just so snow would have a mother figure, well, she already had her maid joanna. and if snow really wanted regina around that badly, leopold could have just brought her to court as a lady in waiting, a fitting role for a noblewoman, and more appropriate seeing as regina was only about eight years older than snow)

regina is visibly distressed by the proposal. she is panicked. she looks to her father to help. cora accepts the proposal for her. and leopold does not care. i think this tells u all u need to know about his views on consent

(also it all gets ickier when you remember leopold was attracted to cora, and regina is considered to look like cora did when she was younger)

leopold clearly had zero interest in regina as a person. he used her for arm candy for events, to make snow happy, and to keep his bed warm. (later, he invades her privacy so much regina counts on him reading her diary as a thoughtless and integral part of a plan, and locks her up for receiving a present from another man) and yet he is never treated as a villain or ever held accountable (besides regina killing him - good for her - but even then it's framed more as a way to villainise her for tricking sidney) and it makes me FURIOUS

i sometimes see the take that leopold might have stopped raping her towards the latter years of their marriage, but i disagree - i think maybe it did get fewer and farther between, but regina was still his wife who he only saw as serving a few purposes, and the way he is so possessive of her in 1x011 makes no sense otherwise, seeing as he was so uninterested in her in every other way

i do think a lot of regina's rage and vendetta against snow is because of this abuse too.

hear me out: in s1 especially, both snow and regina refer to snow as 'ruining her life'. because regina blamed her for everything that happened to her. not only did snow cause daniel's murder, it was her desire for regina as a mother that prompted leopold to marry her.

and this marriage was hell. and i think people don't realise how long it lasted either - snow went from a child to at least her late teens before regina killed leopold. regina was a traumatised young girl, grieving the love of her life, with no friends, no allies, nobody except the literal dark one who was grooming her for his own gain. (no wonder she clung to the brief sense of freedom and control his lessons offered. no wonder she nearly killed herself.)

and while regina suffered, she was forced to play with snow white every day, who was so spoiled, so loved, so happy, and had no idea of the life she had unwittingly trapped regina in.

so yeah, it's all pretty dark.

and it's for all these reasons i think ouat ended up shying away from many more regina backstory episodes centring on the time she was married/pre-evil queen years, because they were on abc after all, and i don't think they were really equipped to deal with the horrendousness of the story they'd created

but lana most certainly did her work becaue i think all of this nuance does show in her portrayal

and it all just makes regina's ending - the good queen, in her own name, safe and strong and loved, part of a true family, her bond with snow healed - so much more of a relief.

[cheelduh]

How to tie up a cute boy

(Highschool Au)

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Parts: 1  2  3

Word count: 4K

Warnings: Swearing, Scaramouche abuse, no Signora slander this time, shit humour.

Synopsis: "Why are you doing homework?" Childe groans, rolling off to the side and kicking off the blanket to expose himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. "I'm literally right here, naked and defenseless. Why aren't you taking advantage of me?"

Note: Unedited yet again besties. Tysm for reading :) I got Childe after losing him to mf MONA, istg it was the most stressful moment of my life.

The clock ticks with its pendulum, ridiculing you as it holds the time. The gentle whirring of the air conditioning in the background serves as the icing on the cake to your pent up aggression.

You try not to glare at your phone too much after receiving a text from Childe that told you not to worry, that his dad picked him up and that he was in the comfort of his home, letting the flu blow over.

It took a lot of convincing from his part earlier that morning to get you to go back and actually attend the rest of your classes, making sure to check up on him every break plus the additional "bathroom breaks" you usually never take while in class.

"I can't let you get in trouble for me." He murmured with a small smile that pumped your blood a little faster than usual. "I'm fine, really. Don't worry your pretty little head."

You do exactly that.

You don't even know why you're so worried. He's sick, not dying. Not to mention, you aren't even his girlfriend let alone his friend to care so much. 

Your intrusive thoughts don't waste any time. You latch onto the one thought that takes over. He's probably dead. Lying in his bed in a heap of pillows, passing peacefully while his parents are in the other room. He's dead.

Okay, he's not dead. You intrusive thoughts sure do one hell of a job. He'll be fine, and in no time he'll go back to being a reckless distraction in your life that you need to surpass. Just another obstacle to add onto the list of things life has thrown at you.

But for an obstacle, he sure is kind of cute.

You refrain from bashing your head on the desk. School isn't really a preferred environment on your list of top ten places to shrivel up and die.

Speaking of death and all that is evil, why is Childe always on your mind? He takes up every nook and cranny of your day, constantly, and truth be told it's starting to boil your piss.

Every time you close your eyes you see his smug smile, and hear his stupid laugh. He's an annoying little prick who gets a rise out of exasperating you. Yet here you are, terrified by the warmth that blossoms in your heart when you so much as hear his name.

The final bell rings at long last, conveniently before you bite your tongue to avoid screaming, and not another second is wasted once you launch yourself out the door. You dodge through the crowd of students in the hall that are buzzing in excitement from it being a Friday afternoon, and you would be too if you weren't so damn hung up over a ginger with a battlekink.

Locker in view, you make a beeline and spend the next two minutes fumbling with the lock in your hands.

"Woah there cutie," Lisa speaks up playfully. "At this rate you'll break the poor lock with your bare hands."

For a moment you're surprised at her sudden appearance, but then remember that it's normal for her to worm her way anywhere.

"It's just—this lock is being dumb okay? It has no reason being a pain in my ass but it wakes up every day and chooses violence." You hiss through your teeth, a sharp metallic ring invading your ears when you lose it and jostle the combination lock against the door of your locker.

Lisa winces, but smiles teasingly nonetheless. "Want me to give it a try?"

"Please."

Lisa has the door open at record speed.

"I love you Lisa." You confess wholeheartedly, gripping at your chest. "I love you so much—"

"Yeah yeah," She waves you off with a grin. "Now hurry up and go save your boyfriend from the common flu. Archons knows he won't make the night."

You flush at the word "boyfriend" and don't give much thought to the insinuation that lies within the rest of her sentence.

Sliding your skateboard under an arm, you spin on your heel just to bump straight into Scaramouche, who's won the scowl of the century on his face. He's the last person you want to see right now, but apparently the universe wants to have a pissing match with you.

"Give this homework to that idiot Ginger." He shoves a stack of papers into you. "Tell him that once he's done circling the drain, I'm gonna kick his ass." He then leans in, murderous glint in his eyes. "And if you ever touch me again I'll take a shit in your cereal. That's not a threat, it's a promise."

You shiver at the thought of him squatting on your Cheerios, hands becoming clammy as you try and justify yourself. "It was an accident."

Your pitiful excuse earns you nothing from the navy haired boy. "It'll be an accident when I murder your entire family, three generations over."

"Hi Mona!" You wave excitedly over his shoulder at the body of students that are totally not Mona. With elation he fails to conceal, Scaramouche turns to look at the speed of light.

You take the chance to make your escape—not before waving to Lisa, chuckling to yourself. He's down bad.

With great expertise you file your way through the flock of students chattering near the entrance. , you confidently place your skateboard down on the sidewalk, ready to—

Wait—where does he live again?

You sigh heavily, ignoring the sadness as you thank the universe internally for pulling the reigns on your disastrous plan. Checking up on Childe at his house? With his family present? Making a complete fool out of yourself? What are you thinking? The possibilities are horrendous. He probably doesn't even think of you like that, he just likes a challenge and you pose as one.

You turn away to make a run for it in the direction of your home, all the while ignoring the nagging worry in your chest for Childe. He's probably fine anyways, you don't need to check up on him, and if you did he'd likely find a way to spin it and tease you relentlessly.

Although somehow, the thought of being teased by him isn't as dreadful as you'd like it to be.

Suddenly, an idea graces you, one that guarantees your misery by sating your obligation to check up on Childe. A litany of curses escape your mouth. Genius really, the amount of ways you can think of doing something that'll end in your demise.

"Adeptus Xiao." You whisper apprehensively, already regretting your decision. "Adeptus Xiao." Glancing around your surroundings, you barely notice the shadow that looms over you at your backside.

"What do you want mortal?" Unbeknownst to you, he strikes out of nowhere, making you jump back several meters. You manage to muffle a surprised shriek.

Xiao is Venti's -6 ft boyfriend, the vicious epitome of an eboy. He has a scaled tattoo covering up the majority of an arm, a few piercing holes in his ears, all matched up with a disinterested look. Somehow, he always appears out of nowhere if you call out his name. It's sort of disturbing in a way.

His amber eyes pierce through you, forcing a shudder of fear and dread to lace your blood, almost as if he can sense you shittalking him in your head.

With shaky hands, you ask, "Can you tell me where—"

"No."

"You didn't even hear me ou—"

"No."

"Please?"

He refuses to at least pretend to think about it for a moment.

"No."

"Why?" You frown, stomping your foot on the ground childishly.

"Because." He retorts with a lack of interest, but doesn't further explain his point. English teachers must love this kid.

"Okay," You say slowly, casually inspecting his form as you come up with an idea, briefly remembering Lumine mentioning it to you. "How about I give you my share on almond tofu Tuesday."

The lack of interest on his face wavers slightly. Bingo.

"What do you want mortal?" Xiao mutters gruffly, arms crossed, face morphing into subtle annoyance.

You wrack your brain for a proper answer. You can't just outright ask him or it'll seem like you have a thing for Childe, which you unfortunately do, but you'd like to keep a semblance of integrity. Ah yes, the homework!

"I gotta deliver these to Childe." You outstretch the pile of worksheets in your hands. "Except I don't know where he lives. Can you tell me?"

Xiao's eyes glint with danger. "Did you summon me for the trivial task of giving you an address?"

You nod furiously.

"Do humans have no shame?" Its rhetorical. Expressionlessly, he closes his eyes with intent focus, doing what you assume to be locating Childe's exact location.

He blinks an eye open, reaches a hand out. "Give me your phone." Palm waiting.

You hand it over to him almost desperately.

One glance at your bubbly phone case and he doesn't even try to hide his distaste. He taps a few times, then hands it back to you almost immediately.

On the screen is maps, and Childe's home is about a fifteen minute walk away.

Your jaw drops in disbelief. "How did you do that?"

"Easy," He mutters, leaning back against the school gate as the remainder of students walk past the two of you. "Locating demons that need subjugating is but a simple task."

There's a pregnant pause. Demon.

"Childe's a demon?" You gasp, even though you've always had your suspicions. Hence the reason you invest so much in demon-cancelling charms.

"What? No." He mutters with a roll of his eyes, and you note that his irritation grows the more questions you ask. "I had a physics project with him last semester."

That's why the charms don't work.

Your mouth forms an o, in fear that if you keep this conversation going on any longer, he'll snap at you. Especially when your next line of interrogation involves how he's able to appear and disappear into thin air.

It's a magic trick you'll want to master whenever Il Dottore has another conniption fit in the middle of the hallways after Kaeya tells him he looks like he has skid marks.

"Thank you." You say instead, trying to preserve his regard, but by the time you meet his gaze he's already gone with the wind.

—

Childe's home is surprisingly humble, considering the amount of fat stacks of cash he carries around in his fanny pack so care-freely. It's a normal suburban home from what you can tell, a little bigger than normal with a double garage, neatly mowed lawn and a few forgotten decorations from the windblume festival. A series of water guns lay forgotten near the entrance, making their presence known when you stumbled upon them.

It's hard to remain unphased. Especially since such a normal looking home has bred someone as ruthless as Childe.

Maybe it not the home, you think. Maybe it's the way he was raised. You recall a few glimpses of his mother in middle school, but because of your worse for wear memory retention, you can't ballpark her personality type.

As your thoughts wander further down to his parents and early childhood, villain origin story and what not, you're pulled out of your concentration when the door opens. The possible implications of being here are most definitely not in your favor.

Childe's mother is a stunning woman in her mid-forties who sure as hell doesn't show it in that jaw-dropping sapphire dress, topped off with a brilliant smile that makes your knees weak. Like mother like son, you suppose.

With her sudden appearance, strangely enough, you can remember how good her tiramisu bites are.

You take a moment to respond, swallowing thickly, only to stare at her stupidly.

His mother doesn't waste another second before ushering you in, oblivious to your star-struck expression. "Y/N? L/N Y/N? My have you grown. I remember when you were only this tall." She lifts her hand up a little above her waist, the jewels on her fingers dazzling with every movement. "How is your mother doing?"

"She's doing alright, busy with the clinic." You're able to find your words, smiling back at her, able to get somewhat familiar with her warmth. "I hope I'm not intruding. Childe forgot some homework." You say, heaving the short stack up.

"Ajax?" She laughs, shaking her head in disbelief. "I can't believe he's going by that now. I wonder when this phase will be over. He may act tough but he's such a softie, has the biggest heart."

You, in between concealed emotions and giggles that threaten to leak, try to hide the oncoming grin but it's impossible. "Well he's got you to thank for it."

"You flatter me too much Y/N," She fixes the up do, pinning back the blonde hair that deftly frame her familiar cerulean eyes. "I can see why he can't stop talking about you."

Her words make you waver momentarily. The fondness you've refused to share, the drawn out stares in the halls, the lingering touches, you don't want to acknowledge it but it's there. Whatever it is.

"I'm so sorry for cutting this short dear," His mother sighs, grabbing her keys off the counter and placing her wallet in an elegant handbag. "My niece is getting married and we're already late. I told Ajax I'd stay if he didn't feel too well but he said he could handle a headache. That boy, I swear, always tries to power through."

You nod in understanding, but wait a minute. A headache?

Scrunching up your face, eyebrows furrowed, you ask. "Headache?"

She frowns, applying another layer of her rouge lipstick hastily in a nearby mirror. "I know dear, how unfortunate. The school nurse said it's a migraine, and I shouldn't fret much, but a mother can't help but worry. If only he weren't so stubborn, like his father."

As if on cue, a loud honk comes from outside.

"That must be him!" She exclaims, hurriedly sliding in her heels, turning back to look at your awkward figure. "Ajax is in his room, it's the second door to the right upstairs. I've made some lasagna for the kids, you ought to have some as well, I'll be upset if you don't—" Another annoying honk cuts her off, to which she scoffs, shaking a fist. "That old man, I'll strangle him in his sleep. I must be going now, goodbye dear." She reveals a twinkling smile at you one last time, waving a slim hand before picking up her heels and making a run for it.

The door closes with an unceremonious thud, gust of wind in its trail, leaving a bewildered high schooler in its wake.

Snapping out of your haze, overwhelming tides threaten to drown you whole. Being in Childe's home, alone, with him a handful of stair steps and a wall or two away, your cheeks are set ablaze.

Now that his mother's gone, you take a second to really look. There are a few toys littered in front of the TV, home covered in with soft throws and coordinated cushions, a lazy sectional plopped right in the middle. The marks on the furniture with all the stories, the light hued mismatched frames hanging on the walls and on all the table, so many pictures of those that resemble him, his brothers, his sisters, his family. You can almost hear the echoing laughter in the halls, the childish squeals and pitter patter of tiny feet slapping the hardwood floor.

This is where he grew up. This is where he retires to after a long day full of gratifying fistfights. This is where he was raised to be who he is today, ambitious and reckless, with the absurd dream to one day rule the world. This is his home.

It's...like being wrapped in blanket, safe and cozy, surrounded by all the love in the world.

Absentmindedly, your fingers trace the outlines of a younger Childe, two missing teeth and eyes full of dreams, hugging the side of his father's shoulder because his small arms can't wrap around them. Not just yet.

You make your way over to the staircase, which has even more frames littered across the wall, one that falls short of hiding the marks of a green crayon—another slice of domesticity you aren't quite accustomed to.

The reality sets in, and you come to a conclusion. This home is definitely not an environment for growing psychopaths, Childe just beats the odds like he beats up kids on the daily.

Your fist hovers over his door as you contemplate abandoning the sheets on a nearby table, but his mother was so sweet and polite, so incredibly hospitable, you wouldn't have the heart to make a run for it.

"I can see why he can't stop talking about you."

Three consecutive knocks. If he doesn't answer, you'll leave them at the door.

"Mama," Childe's muffled groans stem from the other side, and oh, you want to revel in the grave undertone of his voice because it's certainly not a common occurrence. "I told you I'm fine. You can go okay? I don't want you to be late, just need to sleep it off."

You blink, lips curling, and then knock again.

"Mama," He whines again, and it has you grinning mischievously. He's a mommy's boy, he has to be. The thought envelopes your heart with a newfound fondness. "Just come in and hurry."

You eagerly take in the room once you slip in, eyes scanning over every little detail, until they zero in on the heap of sheets smack dab on the single bed, a pair of feet dangling off the edge, topped with a comforter thrown over leisurely.

Childe's facing away from you, head dipped in between his shoulders, probably trying to find a position that's more comfortable. He's shivering, sweating at the same time. His mother must've been too preoccupied to notice. This isn't the first time he's used his exceptional bullshitting finesse.

"I can't believe you lied to your mother," You cross your arms, leaning back against the door.

With a jerk, Childe flings into a sitting up position, wide awake and aware of everything that is going on, a stark contrast from nearly seconds ago.

He blinks at you in shock, once, twice, rubs his eyes a bit, relaxes, then leans back, out of it completely. "For a sleep paralysis monster, you sure are kind of cute."

"For and idiot you sure are an idiot." You snort back.

"Wait a minute," He mutters slowly, jaw dropping. "You're actually here?!"

Ignoring his question, you opt to slap the papers on his desk to ignore your clammy palms. "Homework."

"And here I thought you came here all this way to be my personal nurse." He smirks, recovering from his momentary shock fairly swiftly. Doesn't refrain from giving you that shit stain of a bad boy grin, even with a flushed face and concavity under his eyes.

"I can be your personal mortician instead."

"I didn't know you were into role play babe, but I'll take what I can get." He winks, but is punished by a sequence of coughs that earn a wince from you.

"Headache?" You tease after he quiets down, but he remains as cavalier as always.

He sighs, sides of his lips still arched upwards. "My parents barely have any time to themselves, it's so hectic with the kids. What kind of son would I be if I couldn't even give them this?"

He must've threatened Barbara.

"You're," You inhale, briefly letting the silence hang between you two, mulling over what you wish to convey. sweet.

"Irresistible? Hot? Sexy?" He starts casual, arrogant smirk widening.

"Kind of not a complete asshole, is what I was going to say."

"Careful girlie," He narrows his eyes on you, playful lilt in his tone. The comforter is allowed to slip past his shoulders to reveal the goods that lie underneath, the complete naked chest of a post-puberty highschool boy who sprays too much axe. Full pectorals are something to pay for, stringed with smooth muscles that ripple their way over his toned shoulders. "If you keep teasing me like this, I can't promise I'll be the nice guy."

"One more time from the top," You bite back, avoiding staring at him for too long. "Without the congested nose this time."

With great expertise, he weakly throws a pillow at you, and you watch it exceptionally land at your feet, barely grazing the tips of your socks.

"Impressive," You whistle, not impressed.

He pouts, shivers, then is dunking his head back into the welcoming embrace of his plush collection of pillows.

With a sigh, you plop down on his chair, grab a pen and begin calculating derivatives.

"What're you doing?" He doesn't even turn your way, voice muffled.

"Homework," You reply nonchalantly, trying to calm your nerves. "unless you want me to get you something to eat, considering you puked out your gogurt on Barbara's shoes earlier. Congrats by the way, you're hit listed by her fan club."

"Why are you doing homework?" He groans, rolling off to the side and kicking off the blanket to expose himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. "I'm literally right here, naked and defenseless. Why aren't you taking advantage of me?"

He really has an IQ below room temperature.

Burying the formidable obligation to clock him in the face on behalf of society, you slowly get up to approach his bed, to which he grins widely in disbelief.

Apprehensively, you climb onto his bed, and he scoots over, excitement as clear as day. His hair's a wild mess from all the shifting, almost makes you want to card a hand through it. Your heart nestles it's way in your throat at the sight of his blazing blue eyes.

You pity him for what you're about to do.

"Relax Childe," You lean over him with confidence you never knew you had to begin with, face hovering inches before his. Your fists strategically grip the comforter on either side of him. "We have all day after all."

Although you attempt to pay no heed to his quivering hand that snakes up to find solace on your hip, you momentarily shiver at the tenderness.

He's eating this up and leaving no crumbs. Closing his eyes in anticipation, his lips tremble when he tries to close in the distance.

Abruptly, you cross both handfuls of sheets over his body, tying them securely in place to keep him docile. He struggles in your grip, eyes snapping open in surprise. "Wuh-What."

"Did you really think you had a chance?" You cross your arms, stepping back to get a good look at your handiwork.

"Honestly?" Childe huffs, struggles some in his restraints. "I wasn't really thinking."

"Typical," You scrunch your nose up, unscrunch, and then exhale. "You stay here and I'll go make you some soup. Well, not that you can really move but you get the idea."

"You're really going to leave me here like this?" He pouts cutely, melting you, and the sick bastard knows of his power.

"Relax," You wave a hand, "I may be evil but I'm not Scaramouche."

Meanwhile, Scaramouche sneezes as he tries to ask Mona out, falling straight on his ass from the kick back, making a complete fool out of himself. Mona doesn't mind though, finds it endearing.

Back at Childe's room, he raises a brow, expectant.

Going through the five stages of grief, you do something you've been wanting to do for a while, succumbing to the immense feeling.

Closing in the distance between you two, you suck in a breath and gently tilt Childe's head to the side. He blinks quickly, not quite expecting your sudden forwardness, about to say something that doesn't matter as soon as you place a tender peck on the side of his cheek.

Time stops, the world coming to a halt completely. A moment made in history, one you won't ever forget, fresh in both your minds from forward on.

And then you stagger away as if you've been stabbed.

"Soup!" You squeak, appalled by the sheer boldness of your actions. "I'll go make soup while you rest."

Childe, frozen, stares at you incredibly confused, and then beams.

Dear Archons, what have you done.

[oh-boy-me]

I just read both the australia and museum post and the chaos levels are top tier, but like imagine the chaos that ensues if lord diavolo discovers about amusment parks and immediately just buys tickets to disneyland. Lucifer is basically the dad trying not to loose his children(lord diavolo included). Lord diavolo wanting to ride a loopy rollercoaster and just having the time of his life! (Also I highkey see diavolo ordering lucifer to make a disneyland in devildom tbh) Also mouse ear headbands!

This..... this took forever

Hey there anon!  Sorry it took literally a year to answer this!  If you’re still into Obey Me, I hope this was a pleasant surprise.

Also for the first time ever a scenario post is being put under the cut for length purposes.  This scenario is 2.6k words Jesus

Please note that the last time I went to Disney was in 2015, so anything that’s newer than that is taken from the extensive reading of Disney advice blogs I read in preparation for this post.  Anything older than that is likely from experience.

Also, I tried my best to keep this spoiler free for the attractions that can be affected by it.

--

So the Devildom DOES have the concept of amusement parks.  I slept on this ask for so long that we’ve learned about Devil’s Coast.  It seems to be more akin to a smaller-scale theme park, though.  Small-ish.  I’m used to NYC idk what constitutes as small.

Something like Disney World is on such a larger scale!!  When Diavolo heard about that, he knew they had to go.

They are going to Disney World in Orlando because it’s the only one I’ve been to.

Lucifer is REALLY getting tired of these field trips, but there would be no weird animals, and there would be no sobering lessons on global extinction events at a family-friendly amusement park.  He.  He can handle this.

Solomon has actually been banned from all Walt Disney theme parks.  We’re talking blacklist-level banned.  He’s barred from ever entering any Disney park ever again.  However, this was back in 1976, so this must be, like, his son or something, right?  There’s no way this is the same guy.  Thought the security guard who let him in.

What did Solomon do to get banned?  When asked, he only gave a curious hum.  “Yeah, I wonder.”

The place is split into four parks, so they’ll spend one day in each.

Barbatos continued to flex his power as the only one in the group with a brain cell, being sure to get them all fast passes.  He even set time back just for the passes while they were booking the rides they wanted to cut the lines for, so if they don’t get used he’s going to be very snippy.

Also for convenience sake this is taking place in an AU where everything is the same but COVID doesn’t exist to shut down some rides and attractions.

Day 1: Hollywood Studios

MC and Simeon basically have to coerce Lucifer into letting everyone run free instead of making them all line up with a walking rope all day.  He relents on the condition that everyone checks in periodically so he can at least know they haven’t killed anyone.

Nobody will check in except for maybe Beelzebub and those at Purgatory Hall.

Levi immediately gathered his fellow Star Wars fans (which basically meant calling over Mammon Belphie and Asmo and then pulling in two unsuspecting people suddenly given the title of “Star Wars fan”), and made a beeline for Galaxy’s Edge.  There’s a LOT to do there and damn it if he wasn’t going to hit all of it.

First up for their group is the interactive Millennium Falcon Smuggler’s Run.  They fail the mission.  Levi’s pretty pissed, but everyone agrees that it was fun nonetheless.  They really felt like they were doing a mission in the Falcon!  Plus, the gameplay element was totally up the alley of most of this group.  Simeon does feel a little nauseous from Luke’s jerky steering, though.

Did you know that Diavolo loves Toy Story?  He does.  He’s very much enjoying the Slinky roller coaster with Barbatos.

Barbatos would rather be spending time at the shows and performances, but oh no god forbid we don’t get an autograph from Doc McStuffins.  Lucifer please come find him and save him.

Lucifer somehow wandered into the Frozen Sing-Along Celebration.  He wants out.  Barbatos please come find him and save him.

In general, Lucifer isn’t a fan of these sorts of places, so honestly he’s just hiding from the others and waiting for today to be over.  Barbatos told him that there are parks that don’t revolve around rides and characters, and he’s holding out for those.

Luckily for them Diavolo wants to do LITERALLY everything, and that does include the shows, so Barbatos and Lucifer can have at least some fun today

Levi, Asmo, and Beel are about to start their relay for getting character autographs when Satan shows up out of nowhere and starts dragging everyone over to the Tower of Terror.  Solomon bars all attempts to flee on a certain Avatar of Greed’s side.

The line to the Tower is so long, and honestly?  Satan feels like the ride didn’t live up to the literal hour they waited to get on.  Like yeah it was fun, but way too short.

He voices those thoughts, and Levi, who Satan knows is afraid of heights, is pretty fucking livid and drags him to Rock n Rollercoaster as revenge.  Satan hates roller coasters.

As for the others, Asmo and Luke have a lot of fun on the thrill rides.  Mammon and Simeon do not.  Beel is a little spooked by them but still manages to have fun, while Belphie and Solomon think they’re alright.

Eventually, Simeon gets too sick to move, and they assign him to Luke.  They say it’s because he’s too short to ride some of the rides (even though he’s literally not, screw you guys.)

Barbatos messes with time a lil bit so they can enjoy the Fantasmic Show and Fireworks to wrap the day up.

Levi is very jealous of Diavolo’s Doc McStuffins autograph.  Somehow Asmo has Buzz Lightyear’s number.

Day 2: Animal Kingdom

Satan is vibrating

He literally instantly sprints to the Kilimanjaro Safari.  And good for him; that’s something best done while the sun isn’t high up.  The whole gang actually agrees to check that one out, and while Satan isn’t thrilled to be within 50 feet of Lucifer, he’s glad Simeon is there because he remembers how his presence lured animals out in Australia.

Simeon also finds himself pulled along the trails by Satan and parents watch in horror as a gorilla gives him a friendly pat on the back.

If you didn’t know, Animal Kingdom is divided into the two continents of Asia and Africa, as well as the secret eighth continent Avatar (2009).  Diavolo heard great things about the Flight of Passage ride, but he totally forgot to tell Barbatos about it, so they’re stuck on a three hour wait line now.

Levi takes Luke on the Everest roller coaster because Simeon saw it in the distance and looked like he was about to cry.  Levi wouldn’t shut up about how the yeti effect needs to be fixed and Solomon had to explain that the effect literally couldn’t support itself.

Simeon, having escaped a roller coaster for the first and only time on this trip, grabs lunch with Lucifer and Solomon and they enjoy the Lion King performance together.  Solomon’s the only one of them who’s seen the movie, but the others still found it fun.  Solomon keeps making up random plot points that don’t exist, though.  Remember when Simba was captured by pirates?

Mammon found the Bugs Life show very scary.  Normally Asmo would laugh at him, but he’s afraid of any bug he’s never seen before and at least Mammon was afraid of the things that were supposed to get you.  They agree that bugs are still not their friends.

Satan has many things to say about the Dinosaur ride and most of them aren’t good.  Belphie thought it was pretty ok, though.  Lucifer can’t believe there was a sobering lesson on a global extinction event at this family-friendly amusement park.

Diavolo is still in line.  Barbatos abandons him.  He accompanies Luke to the kiddie fossil thing and actually finds it more tolerable.  Oh yeah that’s the other secret ninth continent, Dinoland.

Beel and Belphie spend most of the day together at the various petting zoos.  Belphie comes back knowing more than he ever wanted to about conservation.  He thought Rafiki’s Planet Watch was going to be about watching other planets, not this one!

Asmo gets very interested in the costumes of the performers, as well as the parrots in the bird show.  He could probably make some really colorful designs with those as inspiration.

Nearby, Mammon runs into Kevin and squawks in surprise.  The zoo staff spend the next two hours trying to find the bird that escaped.

Diavolo says the ride was worth it, don’t worry.

Honestly this park has a lot of stuff that wouldn’t translate well to a funny scenario post so this part might be a little short compared to the others.  I can only talk about a zoo for so long.

Anyone remember the Honey I Shrunk the Kids 4D show?  Apparently it closed in 2016 to make room for more Star Wars stuff.

Anyway, at the center of it all there’s the Tree of Life, which is really pretty all day.  Lucifer is thrilled to have a decently obvious meet-up place, too.  They get to catch the brief awakening show at night.

They’re very bummed to learn the Rivers of Light show isn’t happening anymore, so Levi pulls it up on his phone so they can watch it in spirit.

Then Satan learns about the Wilderness Explorers badges and the others spend the rest of the time preventing too much collateral damage over the fact that nobody told him.

Day 3: Epcot

Finally, Lucifer thinks.  Boo, Luke thinks.

Beel didn’t expect this park to be that interesting to him (he’s much more into the wonder and immersion of Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom), but then he learned about the restaurants.  China, Norway, France, Mexico, Germany, Morocco, Italy, Japan, Canada--Canada?  Huh.  Canada.  There’s so many different restaurants from so many cuisines to try, and yeah he knows that it’s definitely not the same as going to the place and it’s overpriced (sorry Lucifer), but it’s all right there.  He makes certain to take MC on a deluxe Epcot restaurant tour.

Oh yeah MC.  That’s the first time we’ve heard from them in a while.  They’re doing whatever you want them to I guess.

Levi buys so much from the Japanese gift shops that he has to go back to the hotel for a bit to drop his bags off.

Satan and Diavolo aren’t much better, but their stashes are more varied.

Also, Diavolo found Mouse Gear, and bought everyone a pair of ears.  Lucifer says that everyone has to keep them on because it’s what Lord Diavolo wants, but he is by far the most upset about them.  Mammon snaps a picture and Lucifer throws his DDD into the lake.

Asmo and Belphie decide they’re gonna take it easy this day, and they nab Solomon and Barbatos for some exhibition hopping.

Luke finds Mission Space and please father no Simeon thought he was safe he thought he was safe here no please

Aside from that, though, Luke honestly finds this part of the park boring.  He’d have been more interested in these attractions elsewhere, but as a kid he’s in Disney for roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

Simeon is very grateful that Luke doesn’t have much that he wants to do, because it means that he can enjoy the Gran Fiesta and Living with the Land boat rides and have a single moment where he doesn’t feel like he’s about to be sick.  He’s not even afraid of the rides; he just gets motion sick easily.

Asmo makes sure to see the Chinese acrobat show, and Mammon catches that with the show-hopping gang since there isn’t much he wants to do here either.

Epcot has alcohol and Solomon hasn’t been able to drink in ages so he really wants to spend some time doing that with MC.  No demons allowed, thank you very much.  He doesn’t hold his liquor as well as he’d like you to believe, but he just gets really talkative when drunk so it’s ok.

Epcot is a nice day to take a breather and Lucifer and Barbatos definitely needed a breather before tomorrow.

Day 4: Magic Kingdom

This is the day Diavolo has been waiting for.  The crème de la crop, the best park for kids and kids in a future king of the Devildom’s body.

Also I feel like now is a good time to mention that this probably isn’t a reasonable order of events because I don’t remember the map layout of these places idk Disney city planning

This time.  This time, Levi, Asmo and Beel are gonna get those autographs, dammit.  Levi doesn’t even know who half of these characters are but hell if he’s not getting their autograph.

Mammon actually really loves the mascots too, but he’s embarrassed about it so he’ll only try to get one if he can use the guise of MC wanting one.  MC, please help him out

Belphie isn’t big on rides, but he does have a soft spot for the more retro ones like Dumbo and Seven Dwarves.  And like I said before, Beel loves Magic Kingdom for its wonder.  So Belphie is perfectly happy being led (read: piggybacked) around by Beel today, because their favorite attractions match up pretty well here.

Actually, Beel’s favorite Disney movie is Lilo and Stitch, but.  RIP Stitch’s Great Escape ride 2004-2018

Diavolo and Lucifer take a moment to enjoy the Carousel of Progress, and they reflect on how much the Human World is always changing and how much about it they still don’t know.  It really does make them think, like.  Grandma found the VR games at Christmas!  The Devildom doesn’t have grandmas!

Mammon is terrified of the Haunted Mansion ride, and Satan has literally never felt so much schadenfreude in his life.

Mammon’s afraid of most rides to be fair, but he likes water rides, so Levi eventually takes pity on him and they go on Splash Mountain together more than once.

The Peter Pan ride broke down

Luke wanted to go on Space Mountain and Simeon was the only one around, so.  RIP Simeon ????-2021

Diavolo was That Guy.  If you know, you know.

Beel accidentally spun the teacups way too fast.  Not even Solomon got out of that one unscathed.

Following that, Solomon manages to drag Barbatos onto the Jungle Cruise while Lucifer is busy.  What is Lucifer busy with?  Riding the Buzz Lightyear shooting ride over and over until he hits every single target and gets a perfect score at a Disney ride, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.  Anyway, Barbatos finds it really charming and Solomon finds it a nice break that he didn’t know he needed.

While looking for a food place that sells water for a reasonable price, a kid runs up to Asmo asking for a picture and autograph.  He’s kind of confused, but goes along with it to make the kid happy.

Turns out, Asmo’s so naturally charming that they mistook him for a prince.  Other groups see that family and follow suit.  Mammon eventually catches wind of it and shows up to charge a fee.  The parents are pretty sure Disney doesn’t charge fees like that, but their kids really want a pic with Asmo so they hand over the two bucks.  (“Oh it’s so low” come on Mammon’s not a dick to children.)

And that’s the story of how Mammon and Asmo ended up in Disney Jail.  You’re very much not allowed to pretend to be a cast member and then charge money for it.  Lucifer has to bail them out as their “guardian,” and as punishment they aren’t allowed to opt out of It’s a Small World.

Small World isn’t that bad imho, and those like Diavolo, Satan, Simeon, and Levi would like it a lot.  But Lucifer has been playing parent all day, Belphie does not like the noise, and Solomon has literally been on this ride at least fifty times.  Very mixed feelings on this one, but it feels fitting to end with that and a fireworks show.

All in all though this wasn’t the worst trip Lucifer’s been on (cue everyone applauding for some reason).

Barbatos by far had the least fun of them all because for four days he was stuck in a park where the mascot is a fucking rodent and he wasn’t allowed to annihilate Mickey Mouse where he stood

“Disneyland Devildom when” “Lord Diavolo, no”

Masterlist

[cayenne-twilight]

Professor Layton Iceberg Explanation

As I said in the tags of the original, the iceberg I made was a meme consisting of both real theories and satire/parodies/fandom memes. If anyone is interested, I can work on an unironic version that only has real theories.

Buckle in because this post is LONG and heavily saturated with lore and information.

Actual theories

Parallel universe 1960s where the world wars didn’t happen. There’s an unused file in Curious Village that shows the year as 1960 and the time machine from UF is set to 1973, ten years into the future. The series canonically takes place in an undefined time period (hence the technological inaccuracies and fantasy elements), but it’s based off the 60s. There’s more evidence but we don’t have time to go over every little thing. I linked my “no wars” theory below but TL;DR the outdated airplanes and underdeveloped medicine in the Layton series imply that the world wars may never have happened. https://cayenne-twilight.tumblr.com/post/632205992162099200/outofcontextdiscord-timegearremix-zonosils-war

The real meaning behind the statue in Future London. In UF, the purpose of the statue is to spark Layton and Luke’s conversation about their friendship. Luke is stressing out about moving overseas and sees himself and the professor in the story behind the statue, but in the bigger picture, Clive must have been the one to commission it. Some theorize that the little boy is Clive and the man is either his father or the professor. One idea I’ve seen is that Clive wishes he could be Luke for real, while another is that he wishes he died ten years ago, and another is that he’s literally terminally ill explaining why he doesn’t care about consequence. Personally, I think “the boy succumbed to his illness” refers to his mental illness seeing as he wanted the professor to save him from his madness as he saved him all those years ago.

True location of Monte D’Or. there are no deserts on the British isles to my knowledge, so it makes the most sense for Monte D’Or to be in Southwest USA where English is the default language, they have a desert, and there exists a city famous for flashy hotels, casinos, and entertainment. What makes it odd is that nobody ever mentions overseas travel, and all the major characters are from England.

Loosha’s origins are not explicitly explained if I remember correctly, but the implication was that her prehistoric (supposedly) species was sealed away along with the garden, allowing them to survive all the way to the time of LS until Loosha was the only one left. The garden provided a good habitat and protection from predators, and it’s logical that they’d slowly die out anyways, but there’s no explanation of any specific factors that led to Loosha being the last.

Beasley is not a bee I wrote a post about this one as well, but TL;DR Beasly lacks several defining bee traits whilst having several human ones. He is not human, yet, by definition, not a bee. It’s possible that he is the result of Dimitri’s testing, but whatever his untold story is, he remains an enigma of nature. https://cayenne-twilight.tumblr.com/post/632381715250282496/theory-beasly-isnt-a-bee

Subject 2’s identity is currently unknown. There is a subject one (parrot) and subject 3 (rabbit) so there has to be a second. For a long time, people suspected Beasly to be him seeing as he’s a bit of an amalgamation and definitely not a regular bee (see above). After the release of LMJ, though, people began to suspect Sherl, the intelligent hound who could speak to certain people but not others. That being said, it’s possible for one to be subject 4. Sherl’s memory of a bright flash matches up with subject 3’s memory of being electrocuted. They never explain why the animals were being experimented on, but it was probably Dimitri making sure the conditions of his machine were safe for humans before reliving the incident from ten years ago.

Lady Violet died from the plague from DB. There’s no evidence for this or anything, it’s just an idea. People say she died from the flu but I don’t remember them saying that in the game, at least the US version. Extending off my “no war” theory: it’s theorized that the Spanish Flu was spread by the travlelling soldiers, so if that’s true, it’s possible for the epidemic to have been averted for some decades. Maybe the Spanish Flu reached England later than in real life. The hole in this is that DB’s plague must’ve been close in time to 1918 while Violet’s death was much later, so it would’ve had to stick around.

Bill Hawks is working with Targent and Arthur Cantabella. There was a force in the shadows buying the time machine technology from Bill. Someone with a ton of money who helped him cover up a freak accident and get away with it completely, a feat that involved shady means like violence by hired thugs. Some theorize that it was Targent, seeking power over time in exchange for a little mafia magic. The Labarynthia project was sponsored by the UK government, so as the PM, Bill must’ve known about it. He probably supported dubiously ethical, high stakes (witch pun) psychological experiments like Cantabella’s and helped him stay in the shadows.

All the NPCs in St. Mystere and Folsense are dead. I make fun of this type of theory later, but they’re admittedly captivating. I’m pretty sure the canon in CV is that the villagers are Bruno and Augustus’s OCs that they made robots of and built a town around, but it’s more interesting to think that the village was there before, and the townspeople died of a plague and were replaced like Lady Violet. In Folsense, there really was a plague and they never explain the NPCs there. They’re either real people who appear way younger than they are due to hallucinations (even the ones who already look old ?), or they don’t exist at all, which is pretty spooky. This part of the story is a gaping plot hole. In a similar vein to CV, the edgy yet plausible theory is that they used to live in Folsense but died of the plague and now live on as hallucinations.

Hershel seeing everything as a puzzle is a coping mechanism for all his trauma. This was a joke but I thought about it for more than five seconds and it makes way too much sense.

Plot holes and unexplained questions that we like to overthink because it’s fun

The downfall of the Azran was vaguely explained in canon by people being so greedy that it lead to the civilization collapsing. It’s not a stretch to imagine that happening, but it would’ve been more interesting with a little more detail.

Layton and Luke are programmed to routinely forget how to walk. I didn’t know whether to list this in the joke section or not, but it’s odd that the characters actively participate in the walking tutorial (as opposed to showing a little memo to the player) as if they didn’t know how to before, especially when they go through this several times a year.

The truth behind Pavel. He’s simply a joke character who teleports, is a polyglot (sort of, at least he wants us to think he is) and is mega confused all the time. He’s a fun character to make crack theories about because of his cryptic nature that even he doesn’t seem to understand.

Miracle Mask deleted scenes. The first trailer for MM featured animations that were not in the final game. One was the Randall falling scene, except in a slightly different style than the one we know. Others were completely foreign, like Layton and Luke pacing across a theatre stage as if Layton’s about to expose someone with a dramatic point. Cut content and “could’ve beens” are always curious to think about.

Evan Barde: secret mastermind. Arianna and Tony’s dad is a mysterious character who died under mysterious circumstances. I think the canon is that his death was a genuine accident, but concept art of him making a creepy evil face suggests that maybe he originally had a larger role in the first drafts of LS than the finished game.

The secret to how Paul and Des pull off their disguises is unclear and will remain unclear. There is no plausible explanation for their shape shifting. Unless Paul is just a little dude wearing a human suit like that one Wizard of Oz species and Des is the best quick-changer ever and hides his naturally feminine legs under his cloak.

Alfendi’s mom. When LBMR came out people scrambled to piece together who Hershel had a kid with, but there’s no way alfendi is his biological son. This happened with Kat as well and her biological parents turned out to be brand new characters, so I’m sure Al will get an adoption backstory if his arc continues, be his parents old major characters or nameless, faceless NPCs.

Granny Riddleton and Stachenscarfen are omnipotent deities. Idk which section this fits best under, but these two characters have some serious power. At first introduction, they’re implied to be robots, but they appear everywhere in later games. They follow the Professor wherever he goes and assist him on his adventures, GR collecting puzzles and housing them by some odd magic, and Stachen teaches you how to walk. They both introduce and supervise the gameplay. By extension, I guess this idea could apply to Albus as well in the prequels. GR and Stachen even had the power to appear in LMJ, something no major character could do. I consider them akin to the velvet room attendants from the Persona games.

Clive’s kill count is a vague subject in the game for the sake of keeping it PG. I don’t know if anyone’s ever mathematically estimated the damage he caused, and I sure don’t want to try, but the game appears to push the idea that he didn’t kill anyone at all, saying they stopped him in the nick of time and things like that, even though we watch him raze the city. If they ever want to bring him back post-time skip, I can see them twisting it so that the mobile fortress cutscene wasn’t a linear sequence of events, but instead a compilation of scenes over the course of hours so that London neighborhoods around him could be evacuated and have it make sense. Knowing Level-5, it’s more likely that they wouldn’t think this deep and do something more lazy, though.

Memes and references

Post-time skip Flora is real references the famous L is real theory from Super Mario 64. Like Luigi in SM64, Flora was also a highly anticipated character who didn’t appear in a new game, in this case LMJ or LMDA. In the end, Luigi did become real in the DS port so hopefully Flora is real will be realized as well.

Hershel can’t read is a veteran fandom meme referring to how in the first few games, especially Curious Village, Layton asks Luke to read every document out loud for him. Perhaps this was an exercise to improve Luke’s reading skills and independent thinking, or perhaps he was just too lazy or preoccupied to do it himself, but this grew into the joke that our genius Professor was actually illiterate this whole time.

Layton’s smash invitation is hidden in PLvsAA. It’s no secret that the fandom would kill a man to get the Professor into the smash brothers franchise. In PLvsAA one of the puzzle artworks features a goat eating a familiar white envelope with a red stamp, sparking the joke that either Layton or Wright got the invitation their respective fans desired, but it got lost along the way.

The science board is the mysteriously vague organization Don Paolo got kicked out of for the crime of being evil. It’s the epitome of liberal arts majors and art school graduates trying to bs their way around not knowing any science and failing miserably. “He was very good at all the sciences, but then the CEO of science told him to stop because he was using the power of science for evil science”. They do this again when “Dr. Stahngun” describes his time machine what with the soolha coils and whatnot.

Hoogland is death cult initiation is a parody of “Mario 64 is Freemason initiation” which is ridiculous, just like the creepy human sacrifice subplot of AL.

You can see the reflection of someone watching you in Aurora’s eye references the famous, creepy Talking Angela theory. In retrospect it would’ve been funnier if I said Angela instead of Aurora.

Every copy of Professor Layton is personalized references the famous “every copy of Super Mario 64 is personalized”

Clive’s fat ass in HD is a meme that originated from the announcement of UFHD, saying that half of the excited fans wanted to cry again while the other half were simply attracted to Clive. If we want to enter real bottom-section-of-the-iceberg-chart territory then let’s say Clive’s character has some sort of psychological siren properties that draw people to him like a magnet and/or Harry Styles.

Things I pulled out of my ass for shits and giggles

Infinite hint coin hack: I’m sure a tech savvy cheater could hack the game for infinite hint coins, but there’s no easy or interesting way. I don’t know why someone would do that though, considering a lot of the hints suck and there are puzzle guides on the internet.

Cringy, unused Randall villain monologue. This joke is derived from the actual scrapped MM content as well as deleted content being a popular element of iceberg charts, but it’s sadly not real. Would’ve been hilarious, though.

Last Specter Puzzle 031: Light Height tracks and records children’s intelligence level. It doesn’t, but it’s always fun to make fun of arguably THE most ridiculously difficult puzzle in the franchise. (Seriously, do they expect 7+ year olds to know trigonometry???)

Hershel struggles with tea addiction. Hershel from the games drinks tea in moderation, but the manga begs to differ. He has a tea set in the Laytonmobile, and an attempt at teatime while driving causes him to crash.

Folsense is a metaphor for Alzheimer’s. This is inspired by those edgy kids’ show theories where everyone’s in hell or something, but nobody has ever said this.

London Life is reality and the plot of the games is all in Luke’s head. That’s one way to fill every plot hole. How funny would it be if Luke made up crazy characters and stories based off his fellow townspeople Sharkboy and Lavagirl style. “This dude who lives in a castle and asks people to give him all their money for nothing in return is a vampire from 50 years ago involved in a tragic love story”.

Secret ending encoded into Tago’s Head Gymnastics. It’d be crazy if there was, and Dimitri would hound Tago for the secret to time travel. If you didn’t know, the Layton games started as an adaption of Akira Tago’s puzzle series, except they decided to add a story to make it more interesting and marketable.

Daily puzzles datamine your DS. I’m bad with technology but is it even possible to datamine a DS??? Idk, but I think my DS lite from 2008 is safe.

[yan-twst]

OMG 1000 is a big number cONGRATULATIONS ! mmmM i was thinking, maybe yandere!scarabia & octavinelle with a genie! s/o ? they have the lamp like in aladdin :o

warnings: general yandere content, implied violence (in floyd’s part)

kalim al-asim

there’s been tales of genies in lamps for years in the land hot sands- there’s plenty of myths and stories he grew up hearing. of course, the chance of actually finding such an artifact were slim, nearing to impossible

so stumbling into a lamp and accidentally unleashing a genie was needless to say, a huge shock. of course, with his happy and cheery attitude, he didn’t waste any time in befriending the genie- honestly, his three wishes are pushed to the back of his mind

at first, he’s eager to show this genie the outside world. how long has it been since they saw the world? have they ever been in a huge feast? kalim says he wants to show them the world- although it’s quite clear to everyone else he’s enjoying their company a bit too much

a human courting a genie is just... unheard of. kalim’s genie is confused, but oh, he’s so sweet! they really can’t sense any dark intentions from him; and he doesn’t, really. the twisted love that blooms in his heart isn’t a bad intention, it’s simply how he loves

kalim takes full advantage of the fact his darling has been stuck to his side since they were awakened, even without he himself realizing it. they trust him; his affection seems to be so pure they can’t help but return it, he’s gifting them jewelry and silk  despite them being the genie, he doesn’t even mention his wishes...

... which is how it’s just so easy to be slowly entrapped by him. oh, genies are cunning and smart: genies are supposed to outsmart greedy humans, to twist their wishes around and make them suffer by their own words. but kalim isn’t greedy, he isn’t one of those slimy creeps who try to use a genie to cheat and win at life... and so his gentle and cheery demeanor is what it takes to slowly isolate and drive his darling into a corner

when they realize what he’s doing- keeping their lamp away from them, keeping them quite literally locked in like some sort of housepet- they panic. they should be in control here. they have to give him his wishes so they can leave. but nothing can compare to the look of hurt in kalim’s face when his genie finally tells him to just go and make his wishes

“if i make three wishes, won’t you leave...? i don’t want you to leave.” kalim is serious when he says this. he doesn’t care what he could wish for (he has wealth, he has friends, he’s happy). all he wants is them. he wants them, he wants to love them; he’s become hopelessly attached

it’s a tricky situation. kalim’s hidden their lamp god knows where, claiming it’s “to keep it safe”, he’s blocked off all escape routes, and they’re technically still his, he is their master until all his wishes are completed. he keeps acting as if nothing’s weird- he almost treats them as if they were just a human lover, happily talking about the future he’ll share with them

there’s still hope, right...? kalim’s genie can only hold onto the hope that as years pass, greed will corrupt the heir and he’ll give in and cash in his wishes, and that’ll free them. of course he won’t, he isn’t the sort of person who’d do that- they... know him well enough now, to be able to know he’s just not the kind of man who’d be so easily swayed. 

perhaps it’s better this way. they’re not human, but kalim seems to be trying to ignore that. if they press too much- if they try to tell him it’s just not how things should be, genies aren’t supposed to be kept around like this- it’s not going to accomplish anything. kalim may be gentle, but he’s possessive. if anything, they might get him to use up one single wish; and he’ll wish for them to stay with him forever, as his lover for the rest of his life.

jamil viper

like kalim, he’s grown up hearing stories about genies in lamps found in the land of hot sands. he also knows how cunning and sharp genies are in the stories; how wishes are turned around, how they make it so someone’s dearest wish backfires

so of course, when he accidentally unleashes a genie when cleaning what he thought was just an oil lamp forgotten in a corner of the treasury, jamil knows better than to immediately give in to his impulse of using his wishes

jamil may even taunt the genie- do they think he’s just going to foolishly make a wish and let them twist his own words against him? he also relishes on how the genie refers to him as a master; it’s... truly a nice change for once

he’s quite shocked that the genie isn’t like those described in myths. they aren’t an old or ghostly looking figure; especially once they’re entirely out of the lamp, they actually look just like any other human. if it weren’t for the slightly outdated jewelry, they wouldn’t look too out of place... they’re quite pretty, really...

jamil tells himself he’s keeping them around because he wants to “think out his wishes properly”. and it is true, he wants to make sure his three wishes are all perfect, but... he cannot deny how nice it is to have someone who’s objectively his. he is the superior here, he’s the master

is it... can he be in love with a genie? they do look so human; they’re so cute with how they try to pressure him into making his wishes, all the while trying to be respectful to their master. he adores how they squirm when he threatens to lock away or destroy their lamp if they keep telling him to hurry and make his wishes, how they’re always so grateful when he brings them food despite them not needing it

finally, jamil has his wishes done. it takes months of pondering; they have to be perfectly worded, he can’t have his darling little genie tricking him, can he? boiled down, his wishes are quite simple: he wants the viper family to be released from servitude to the al-asim family, he wants to be powerful and independent in the future, and...

oh, and he wants to own them and keep them by his side forever. he makes it quite clear- they’re going to be his lover, they’ll be nice and obedient, and do as he acts. after all, he’ll make sure to remember them that he’s still their master; not being allowed to leave despite the wishes being done, being kept in his room as some sort of housepet

azul ashengrotto

a genie in a lamp, a nearly divine creature who can grant any wish... when he was younger, that would have been azul’s dearest wish; however, now that he’s older, he takes more pride in the fact he got where he is with his own work

so finding a magic lamp all of a sudden is... jarring. he’s long past the days he’d wish for a genie or some divine intervention to make his wishes come true, to not be mocked or bullied; so when he’s asked to make three wishes... he doesn’t know

instead, he sees an opportunity. not only are genies a rare find, but this particular genie is just so beautiful; he’s careful with his words. while he thinks of his wishes, won’t they stick around? perhaps help around the lounge? it would be quite an unique experience, wouldn’t it?

he keeps the lamp locked away, trying to distract them from the fact. he’s advertising their appearance, flaunting the “real genie working in the lounge”, showing them off in the clothes and jewelry they came with when they came out the lamp

it’s easy for azul to become obsessed with them. they can grant any wish to anyone, but they’re his, he controls them now. If he has them, nobody else does. It’s his business to make deals to make people’s wishes come true- it wouldn’t be good for him to let them go, right...? 

his smooth talking is good enough to be able to make requests and convince them to do as he pleases without it quite counting as a wish. it flusters and stresses them out, but to azul, he doesn’t mind

he becomes possessive over them; to the point he’ll attempt to use ‘it’s a deal’ on their ability to grant wishes. they don’t need that; they have him!

he doesn’t want them to be able to go, to be able to leave him. his wanting to keep them around for business reasons slowly becomes him craving their attention and approval. he’ll only ever use one wish: they cannot leave him, ever.

jade leech

oho, a genie? what a curious happenstance. jade seems to take the situation with his usual calm and tempered attitude

perhaps he’s so gentlemanly and perfect, that when the genie first looks at him, there’s no way for them to imagine the way this gentle-faced man will make things go

at first, jade acts innocent. so they’re a genie? how interesting- so they can grant wishes? oh, three wishes then? what are the terms? the conditions? of course he already knows the answers- myths and stories about genies are common- but it’s clear it’s working. he can tell the genie seems to be happy to explain, maybe even charmed by his ‘naivety’

jade plays his cards slowly. he’ll figure out what his genie knows and doesn’t, how long they’ve been stuck inside the lamp; oh, it must have been so lonely there! he takes his time acting like the sweetest gentleman to them, lowering their guard

 and then he makes his first wish

they aren’t allowed to leave or disobey him, ever

the panic is almost immediate when he says this. he’s been a perfect gentleman, a kind master- so why now does he make this wish all of a sudden-?

once he’s made sure that he’s got them where he wants them, jade indulges in his lover. yes, they’re his lover now; it’s not like they have much choice

if they disobey, then he has no trouble shoving them back into the lamp- perhaps he’ll do so when he can’t keep his eye on them, taunting them and making them suffer

they’ve gotten so used to being around jade, of living in the world, being left back in the lamp is suddenly jarring. it’s so lonely, so cold; even though they should be furious at him, they cannot help but suddenly feel calm when he lets them out, when they’re in another being’s presence once again, even if it’s the man forcing them to play the part of his lover

floyd leech

waaah, what’s this? a genie? why’re they hiding in a lamp, like a hermit crab? that’s quite funny, isn’t it?

floyd’s first instinct is to just squish ‘em in a hug. little hermit crab is just sooo cute! why were they hiding in there, all alone?

when a very flustered genie explains they’re actually supposed to grant him three wishes and not, uh, be hugged around, floyd isn’t particularly surprised

three wishes, huh? hmm, sounds interesting

he’ll blow his first two wishes in random, useless things. maybe he’ll wish to run into riddle just to tease him, or maybe he’ll wish the cafeteria will serve his favourite food

... but he doesn’t want to make his last wish

floyd doesn’t stop hugging and being handsy with his genie- or as he calls them, his hermit crab- he can’t let go of them! they’re the perfect little plaything!

and suddenly he just refuses to make the last wish and let them go. they try to ask nicely; doesn’t he have another wish? he can ask for anything, they’ll make it come true!

and suddenly floyd holds them by the neck, eyes darkened- why do they want to leave him so badly? why does his hermit crab want to disappear from his life? don’t they know once he makes his third wish they’ll be gone? do they think he’ll let them?

floyd can be violent in impulse, and it’s clear that they have to tread carefully. trying to press him into making another wish, into freedom, is a ticket to having their ribs painfully crushed in his embrace

stuck as his plaything- a powerful genie, capable of making any wish come true- except the wish for their own wish of freedom

[mandowh0re]

Remember Me

Chapter 2

Summary: While cleaning up the timelines that he broke, Loki meets and inevitably loses the one person that’s understood him in life. But he’s not losing you without a fight.

A/N: Another chapter within a week?? More likely than you think! Beta'd by the ever beautiful @edgyvege. Go show her some love!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2303

Happy Reading!

Loki’s lying in his bed, clutching the book you had loaned him close to his chest.

He finished the book the first night of having it, and he regrets not pacing himself because he still has six days before he can see you again and isn’t sure how to keep himself sane until then. He doesn’t have much to his name anymore, having missed eleven years of his life and his home having been destroyed. So it’s not like he can turn to his favorite books or activities.

The Avengers had reluctantly agreed, mostly out of guilt because of Thor’s previous loss, to let Loki stay in the compound under the condition that he did not leave, did not use his magic unsupervised, and did not cause chaos. It had been an incredibly difficult adjustment, especially on his part, but he was willing to do whatever it took to see you again. So he did not complain even once.

When Loki had returned from timeline 656, the timeline in which he first met you, he was broken but determined. He was on a mission and refused to get distracted until his job was done. He had to find you again. He didn’t know what he was going to do if he didn’t.

So when Mobius agreed to bring Loki to this point of the timeline, he had given Loki the information to be able to find you.

You were his insurance, a way to make sure Loki stayed in his place.

So after two weeks of near perfect behavior and constant sulking from the trickster, Steve and Tony agreed that Loki could leave the compound, though only under Thor’s supervision.

When he first saw you again in that tiny bookstore, he felt like he had been hit in the chest by Thor’s hammer. He thought he was prepared to see you again. Your bright eyes and soft lips were all he could think about the past several months. But apparently, he wasn’t prepared in the slightest.

But you being you, you gave him a sweet smile and kindly helped him find the book you had told him about when the two of you had first met back in timeline 656. Because no matter the timeline, you were always one to help others.

And then you did something he wasn’t expecting. The possibility wasn’t even on his radar. You gave him your own copy to read, telling him it was so he had to come back and see you. He felt his chest constrict in that moment, yet at the same time a spark of hope exploded inside of him. It was something that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Then when you asked him for his name, his heart broke again.

He had forgotten to even give you his name, because he had already known yours. Your name, your scent, your favorite laugh, your body.

He knew it all.

Yet you knew nothing about him. And after telling you his name, he was afraid you’d remember what he’d done to your city all those years ago. That you’d be afraid of him and reject him, just like most everyone else in his life. He wouldn’t blame you. He believed himself a monster, just like everyone else did.

But he kept himself from spiraling into his dark thoughts with the sole knowledge that the version of you in timeline 656 wasn’t scared of him. Not even before he explained to you what had really happened.

No, you had accepted him, helped him, and eventually loved him.

He could only hope that this version of you could do the same.

***

The day you met Loki, you were a bit shell shocked.

He left almost immediately after telling you his name, and you watched as he met up with a much larger blonde man before walking away. It took your brain one too many seconds to realize the blonde was Thor, making Loki the actual Loki. The Loki that reigned chaos and destruction to your beloved city all those years ago.

A few pieces of information struck you throughout the day, startling you each time:

Number one; you had actually hit on a literal god. The God of Mischief, no less.

Number two; he actually flirted back! What the fuck?

Number three; he never asked for your name.

And number four; you weren’t scared of him. More than that, you weren’t even angry with him.

You couldn’t for the life of you figure out why. Why he didn’t intimidate you. Why you felt as if you understood him. Or why you felt like you knew him, more intimately than just having heard of him. You had only spoken to the man once, for crying out loud.

The week passes by incredibly slowly, and every time you think about your interaction or of seeing Loki again, butterflies come to life in your belly and a smile slowly comes across your face.

But today is finally the day.

It’s a quarter past eleven when the door to the shop opens, the small wind chime signaling someone had entered. You look up from your current read and see Loki taking a few short steps to the counter. He’s dressed to the nines again, wearing a dark grey suit with minimal green accents.

He looks positively delicious, and you curse yourself for letting that thought slip. You slide your bookmark into your novel before setting it on a small shelf behind you.

“Hey! You came back!” You say, your voice a few pitches higher than usual. You really weren’t expecting him to actually return the book himself. In fact, you weren’t sure what you expected at all.

He nods, “Of course, darling. I wanted to see you again,” his voice is deep and his eyes are trained on yours, “And discuss the book, obviously,” He lifts the loved copy in his hand, held between his nimble fingers.

Warmth blooms in your chest and you smile shyly. Your eyes flicker to the window where you saw Thor waiting last week.

“Where’s your chaperone?”

Loki raises a brow, glancing to the window next to him.

“I saw Thor meet you when you left last week.”

Realization dawns on Loki’s face, “Ah, yes. I must be accompanied by my brother at all times outside of the Avengers Compound. It is a term of my arrangement.”

“Arrangement?” You ask, cocking your head slightly.

For a moment, Loki falters. He’s said too much, explaining his situation could cause more questions to arise, and he did not need that right now. Because how in the nine realms would he answer them?

So instead of answering, he sets the book on the counter in between the two of you and smiles, “Nothing for you to concern yourself, dear. I would much rather talk about the blatant misinformation contained in this book.”

His tone is light and playful, so you laugh and pull the book closer to you, “Misinformation? You mean to tell me that you didn’t give birth to a horse?”

Loki rolls his eyes, “Gods, no! I did no such thing. Nor am I the father of Fenrir, Jormungandr, or Hela.” He makes a disgusted face.

“That’s a shame,” You fake pout, “You just ruined my favorite book for me.”

He scoffs, “Darling, I am the living, breathing version of the character in your book. How could a novel be more interesting than the real deal?”

You look at him, a mischievous glint in your eye, and Loki feels his heart jump in his throat. He’s seen that look before. The way your nose crinkles just slightly, causing your eyebrows to scrunch, barely noticeable. There’s a sparkle in your eye, one that tells Loki every time that you’re up to no good.

It was one of the many reasons he fell so hard for you.

“You’re very handsome, I’ll give you that. But I just think Book Loki has more layers. Ya know?”

Normally, if you had made a comment like that, Loki would have pinned you against a wall and put you in your place.

But that was another time. One that Loki desperately hoped would come to him once more.

“Well, I think that if you come to know me better, you shall see I am much more… Complex than you humans have made me out to be.” His voice has lowered a few tones, sweet and smooth like honey.

He’s closer now, leaning over with his forearms on the counter, and you feel a warmth spread across your belly. You curse yourself and discreetly press your thighs together.

But unbeknownst to you, Loki knew every single one of your mannerisms, quirks, and habits. And by default, he saw the little movement you made, and had to use his glamour to hide the way his body reacted.

Conversation flowed from there, banter flying back and forth, your quick wit almost matching his.

It somehow felt normal to you. Comfortable. It was bizarre and pleasant at the same time.

But for Loki, it was just a painful reminder of what he lost so many months ago.

Before he knew it, there was a single knock against the front window, signaling that his time was up. The both of you glanced up to see Thor, dressed in jeans and a casual cotton jacket, peeking inside.

Loki sighs, “While I wish I could stay longer and chat, I fear I must take my leave.” He stands from the chair you had pulled up next to you and straightens his jacket.

Your heart drops slightly, not wanting him to leave, and you stand with him.

“Well, how about I give you another book to read?”

“I was already planning on coming back,” He smirks, tilting slightly downward, “But I shan’t turn down a chance to read a book.”

“Good, because I love this one too.” You tell him, grabbing the book from your stash. You rip a piece of receipt paper from the small printer and quickly scribble on it, then tuck it into the front cover.

“And my name is Y/N, by the way. I didn’t get a chance to tell you last week.”

Loki smiles and takes the book from you, walking towards the door.

“Well, Y/N, it has been a pleasure. I shall see you again next week.”

***

“Brother, I see you have another book.” Thor says as he moves to walk alongside Loki, who was already reading the book summary.

Loki only makes a hum of acknowledgment, but doesn’t say anything.

They walk in silence towards the secluded alley where Loki can transport them back to the compound without curious eyes.

The silence is comfortable, yet eerie. Thor is still recovering from the shock of having Loki back, though it wasn’t the same Loki he lost on that forsaken ship.

And Loki… He’s just trying to wrap his head around everything that has happened. Everything he missed because he jumped from 2012 to 2021. He didn’t get to say goodbye to Frigga. He didn’t get to have a last look at Asgard. And now the one woman Loki is sure he cannot live without, doesn’t remember him.

They get back to the compound without incident, and Loki heads back to his room like he always does, choosing to interact with the Avengers as little as possible, lest there be a fight.

He tilts his head up slightly, eyes screwed shut and fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, “Friday, is it? Where is the spider child?”

“Peter is in the penthouse. Would you like me to relay a message to him?”

Loki bites his lip. Is he really going to do this?

Yes, he supposes he is.

“Can you ask him to come to my quarters?”

“Of course.”

Loki paces, waiting for Peter. After several minutes, there’s a tentative knock at the door.

“Come in.”

It opens slowly, revealing a confused Peter.

“Hey, Friday said you asked for me?”

“Yes.” Loki nods, then hands the boy a small piece of paper.

The same paper you put into the book earlier in the day.

Peter, now fully in the room, takes the paper and shoots a curious glance at Loki, before reading.

~

I don’t know if you have a cell phone, or even know what one is.

But if you do, feel free to text or call me :)

555-555-5555

-Y/N

~

“If you tell anyone about this, I shall have your head.” Loki hisses, but there’s no heat behind it. Peter is one of the few humans Loki cares about dearly. The little shit had somehow managed to weasel his way into Loki’s notoriously cold heart within the first week.

And Peter knew this.

“Yeah, yeah,” He smirks, “Why are you showing it to me in the first place?”

“While I know what a cell phone is, I am unsure about how to acquire one. That is where you come in.”

Peter’s eyes light up, “Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

Loki crosses his arms, fearing he may come to regret this.

***

“What do you want?”

“It’s been a while. Nice hearing your voice.”

“The feeling isn’t mutual.”

“Ouch.”

“Answer my question.”

“I want you to join us, of course. Thought that was clear by now.”

“Fuck off.”

“Well, figured I’d try... Anyways, I received word that Loki is back on Earth.”

“Not sure why you think I care, or how this concerns me.”

“I would like for you to bring him in.”

“I don’t work for you. Use your own goons.”

“He’s protected by Thor, and the Avengers by default. But you could easily-”

“Like I said. I don’t work for you. Why don’t you try intimidating one of your other experiments?”

“Star-”

“That’s not my name. Goodbye.”

***

Remember Me Taglist: @idunnomayn @savinasavers @stardust-walker @evelyn-4034 @dazedkrosupreme @sophlubbwriting

Permanent Taglist: @a-place-to-blog-marvel-stuff @yes-iamironman-blog @paradoxicalblueberry @the-regal-warrior @transparentparadiseglitterzombie @marvelgem @propertyofmarvel @avngrsinitiative @my-leg-is-not-a-chew-toy @lyricalstella-blog @just-the-daydreamer @hufflely-puffly

[straightlikewetspaghetti]

Rancho Love

Pairings:

Main: Poppy x MC (Bea Hughes)

Secondary: Chloe x Veronica, Zoey x ??

Warnings: none

Love is a strong feeling, a bond, an interpersonal relationship that is difficult to clearly define and explain.

Hate is sometimes contrasted with love and described as an agonizing feeling, resulting from pain associated with feelings of hurt, revenge, hostility and deception.

It’s funny how thin line separates these two feelings...

At the beginning of the vacations, Bea went to her grandmother's ranch to prepare it for the arrival of unexpected guests. Today was the day of their arrival and the brunette sat on the porch, nervously shaking her leg.

It wasn't long before a black SUV belonging to her best friend pulled onto her property. In a flash, Zoey jumped out of it and locked Bea in a firm hug, even though it hadn't been that long since they last met.

Out of the corner of her eye, the brunette noticed Veronica and Chloe standing behind the black-haired girl. Bea and Veronica exchanged knowing glances, sparing each other unnecessary closeness, unlike Chloe, who had been acting like an overexcited puppy ever since she and Veronica got together. The blonde threw herself at Bea with a squeal and hugged her with a strength she would never have suspected. Despite the odds, it was a pleasant feeling.

When she released herself from the hug, she knew someone was missing. She glanced at Zoey, who only sighed. Bea took note of the dark circles under her eyes and obvious fatigue that was showing on her friend's face, which could mean that the princess had given her quite a hard time during the trip. "And what is the name of this little cutie." Chloe dropped to her knees and began exaggeratedly petting the overjoyed dog that magically appeared next to the brunette.

"Drake."

"Like the rapper?" the puzzled blonde asked.

"Never change, Chlo" Veronica laughed placing a soft kiss on Chloe's head.

"No, like a dragon, because his breath is murderous." the brunette playfully snapped her mouth and put emphasis on the last word as if she were talking to a small child.

The girls laughed and all the tension that was hiding inside Bea dissipated like a bad weather. She had forgotten that without Poppy, Chloe and Veronica were actually very bearable.

"How can you expect me to function under such conditions?" speaking of the devil, a clear high-pitched squeak pierced the silence of the ranch, causing even nearby grazing Sheridan to lay his ears down. Bea's head twitched involuntarily, a tic she had developed at the sound of that particular tone of voice. "Zoey! Come here!"

The girl looked pleadingly at Bea and mouthed silently "Help me." The brunette smiled in understanding and headed towards the car Poppy was standing by. Bea approached quietly, causing the preoccupied blonde to not even notice her. She took advantage of the peaceful moment to take a closer look at her.

Poppy was rummaging through the trunk, probably looking for something. Bea couldn't help but notice the way the girl's jeans perfectly framed her well-defined curves. In an instant, memories of that one night when Poppy had proved to her that she had to dominate on every level, began to flow into her head.

The girl standing before her was the picture of perfection. Her silky blonde hair was tied up in a heavy knot, revealing a slender neck that Bea loved to tease. Her entire outfit perfectly exemplified her sense of style and elegance, which she always groomed to a fault. Against the landscape of the countryside she stood out like a sore thumb.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom or do you always have such an idiotic expression on your face?" the malicious comment from Poppy snapped her out of her reverie and worked on her like a bucket of cold water.

"It's good to see you too Pops." she said in a calm voice, as if she hadn't literally fantasized about the girl standing in front of her a moment ago.

Poppy turned her head towards her and smiled flirtatiously, though Bea knew that smile hid disdain and annoyance. "I didn't feel the need to lie." she shrugged and went back to her previous activity.

Bea laughed under her breath and nodded. The audacity of this girl will be the death of her. "How can I help you?"

"You finally offered? What a wonderful woman you are!" Poppy sneered, placing an amount of baggage in Bea's hands that nearly knocked the brunette to the ground. "Jesus Christ Poppy, you came here for a month, not a lifetime!" Bea's voice was barely audible over the amount of suitcases crushing her person. Trying to take in the situation, her muscles tensed visibly and out of the corner of her eye she noticed a familiar glint in the blonde's eye. Poppy giggled innocently, but her gaze was wary and sharp. She scrutinized Bea from head to toe and a mischievous smile appeared on her face. "You wouldn't handle me, Farmsville." "Is that a challenge?" Bea stood sideways and tensed as much as possible to dominate the blonde with her stature. A shiver of indefinable fascination ran through her veins at the thought of competition.

Poppy just rolled her eyes, but as she walked away, she ran her fingertips gently, almost imperceptibly, over the brunette's shoulder, which, along with the amount of baggage, made Bea's legs buckle more and more. With an idiotic grin on her face, the brunette watched Poppy's hips move mesmerizingly. In any normal situation she would have thrown her luggage and pounced on the blonde like a predator, but somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered that the girl was a first class manipulator. Only around Poppy did Bea feel that showing any emotion besides lust was a weakness. Their game of hot’n’cold had gone on for so long that Bea's feelings were lost as she herself was. And even after so long of their physical closeness, they hated each other to the marrow of their bones. Poppy Min Sinclair was one big game Bea felt she was losing. After less than an hour, each of the girls was put in their own rooms and once again they all met on the porch to come up with some common activity, much to Poppy's displeasure. "Howdy ladies! You are a blessing to the sore eyes of a man." Their conversation was interrupted by a low male voice and the clatter of hooves. They all fell silent and looked at the intruder, who was watching them from the back of his powerful steed with an all too friendly smile. Bea was the only one who reciprocated the smile and ran up to him with Drake faithfully at her side.

"Alex you corny chum! I didn't even know you were around." excited Bea waited patiently until the boy slid off his horse and embraced her tightly and a little too long, which didn't escape the girls attention, especially the peculiar blonde. The brunette pulled away from her friend and looked at the slightly amused girls "Ah, but where my manners are!"

"They don't exist." muttered the bored blonde, eyeing her manicure carefully, not even lifting her eyes to the brunette

Bea just rolled her eyes, but didn't let Poppy's grumpiness ruin the moment for her. "Girls, this is Alex, Alex this is Zoey, Veronica, Chloe and Satan, I mean..." she took a dramatic pause to make sure the blonde was paying attention. "Poppy." "The best thing for last." Poppy's voice was low, much lower than her typical squeak.

Bea sensed what was going on and stood between Alex and the blonde, creating a safe space. She looked at Poppy with a scolding look, but the corners of the girl's mouth were only twisted in a minimal mischievous grin that no one else noticed. "Keep it in your pants, Sinclair." Zoey spoke up with disdain as she observed the blonde's pathetic behavior. Alex, hearing this, laughed sincerely and then smiled coquettishly at Zoey. When she looked at him, he squatted closer to her, causing an outline of a blush to appear on her cheeks. She returned the smile. “Can we like, not fight for a sec?” Chloe shy and concerned voice broke through the tension. Veronica stood behind her, proudly holding her around the waist and measuring Poppy with a cautious, almost warning look. Poppy rolled her eyes and scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest, but remained silent. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chloe smiling in her direction and even her emotionless facade couldn't ignore the smaller blonde puppy eyes. She felt weird, fuzzy feeling inside. "What brings you here pal?" Bea finally spoke up when the situation had calmed down somewhat and nobody was threatening to jump down each other throats. The boy tore his gaze away from a still blushing Zoey and looked at the brunette as if he had only now discovered that he had actually come to her with a reason. "Yeah, right..." he laughed nervously scratching the back of his neck and reluctantly stepping away from the black-haired girl. "Judy asked me to bring Spot." he pointed to a black and white mare that was nibbling the grass, looking with interest at Sheridan, who was grazing nearby.

"Even nana knew you were here and she didn't tell me?" Bea didn't hide her surprise at Alex's words.

"What a wonderful friend you are." sneered the blonde under her breath.

Alex chuckled, but stopped immediately when Bea flashed him a menacing stare. "Look, I wanted to use the element of surprise." "Of course." the brunette sighed. "While you're here, why don't we give the girls a tour of the ranch?" Bea looked smugly in Zoey's direction and Alex immediately caught what she meant.

"There's no way my foot is going to get anywhere near these... Stinky animals." Poppy wrinkled her nose with visible disgust on her face.

"I'm pretty sure they don't want it as much as you do." Zoey retorted, earning a nudge in the shoulder from Chloe. "All right..." Bea pushed Alex, Zoey, Chloe and Veronica towards the stables. "Go on now, and we'll join you in a moment."

It couldn't be without a mischievous smirk from the boy, but he didn't say a thing. Obediently he began to head towards the stables with the rest of them, Zoey noticeably walking closest to him. Bea lifted her eyes up and counted down to ten in her head to calm herself down. If it wasn't for Poppy's parents' pleading, she would never have agreed to her coming here, but somewhere deep down she hoped the blonde wouldn't be so problematic. She began to wonder for whom this was the bigger punishment.

She turned on her heel to say something to Poppy, but her voice froze in her throat when she saw, one of the most adorable scenes of her life: Poppy was kneeling beside Drake and vigorously scratching his stomach. Her voice was soft and gentle as she whispered sweet nothings to him.

Despite herself, the brunette smiled softly, remembering that even such a cold person had a weakness for dogs.

"I should charge you for looking." Poppy didn't look away from Drake, but Bea saw the gentle smile dedicated to her and not the dog. "I like this side of you." she began, slowly walking toward her. "The gentle and happy one. Why are you forcefully trying to make our lives difficult?"

Poppy's hand hovered over Drake's stomach and there was a heavy silence. Bea gulped nervously, expecting an outburst from the blonde that never came. Instead, Poppy rose from her knees and looked blankly in her direction. "There is no such a thing." her voice sounded incredibly flat, which was much more threatening than her typical screech. "I didn't ask to be here." she put her arms around her waist and turned dramatically to her side. For the first time Bea saw the real Poppy, the one she tries to hide under her harsh persona. She looked extremely lost and hurt, but the brunette couldn't be sure without knowing what was hiding in her head. And for the first time Bea wanted to know what the girl standing in front of her was thinking and feeling. And it was terrifying.

"You wouldn't have to be here if you weren't trying to act like a brat." it wasn't the most pleasant thing she could answer, but it didn't miss the truth.

"Trying?" Poppy looked at her with rising curiosity. "By what do you assume that I'm trying and I'm not like that?" she asked without waiting for an answer. "Since when do you know anything about me, other than the size of my underwear?" As much as she hated to admit it, Poppy had a point. She couldn't be sure which one was the real one, but she tried to go on. "Because you sound like a coward. And I know..."

"You know nothing about me." she snapped, unable to listen to the cruel truth.

"And I know..." Bea continued ignoring her and coming face to face with the blonde, who now seemed much, much smaller and dimmer. "That somewhere deep down, there is a real Poppy that I could..." fall for. The brunette didn't finish that sentence, again settling an awkward silence between them.

Poppy looked straight into her eyes, probably searching for something there. After a moment, she lowered her gaze and trembled. She sighed quietly and carefully grasped the brunette's hand. "Focus on the me you see there..." she pressed it to her chest, where her heart was pounding like a herd of galloping horses. "Because she's focusing on you too." Before she could answer anything, Alex's voice rang out: "Are you slowpokes gonna finally come here?"

"We're coming!" replied Bea, tilting her head toward him but not taking her eyes off the blonde. She felt Poppy withdraw her hand from her in a flash and put her typical look of annoyance on her face.

"You don't have to miss me like that!" The blonde almost purred those words and walked towards the stables, leaving an even more confused Bea alone.

[cozy-the-overlord]

For the Lobster of Loki

Summary: Exposure to terrigen mist during a mission-gone-wrong results in you developing some newfound aquatic abilities. Unfortunately, this opens the door for your Avengers teammates to make use of the bane of your existence: fish puns. 

Word Count: 2,850

Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader (first person)

A/N: I can’t believe I actually wrote this.

For those of you wondering what the hell this is: a few weeks ago, I had autocorrect change the word "love" to "lobster" while writing a fic. I found this hilarious and made a joke about it on Tumblr and it kind of turned into a meme on my blog. A couple of my friends told me I needed to turn this into a story and so now I present to you the stupidest thing I have ever spent precious time creating. Also, I usually don't like writing in first person at all, but my go-to third person limited just did not feel right with this nonsense, so I decided to experiment with a different style

Thanks for reading! :)

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

I was going to murder Tony Stark. I was going to murder all of them, but I was going to murder him first because he was the one who started this nonsense and now it had been going on for two weeks and I was one fucking smirk away from scalping myself.

It all started when I woke up with gills. Waking up with gills is a strange experience. Don’t get me wrong—I realize all things considered, I had it pretty good. I’ve heard about some really horrific transformations since I experienced my own— people who came out of the midst having lost their eyes or their limbs or their minds. There have been people who came out of the mist looking, sounding, and feeling like completely different creatures than when they went in. And there have been people who don’t come out at all.

No, I know damn well I was lucky to come out of the experience with nothing more than a pair of gills stuck in my neck. Still, it was an odd feeling—there was a heightened awareness every time I breathed in, pinprick chills trickling across the newfound ridges as I exhaled. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either—it was a stiff feeling, a bit like putting on a new pair of shoes for the first time, if that makes sense. I didn’t know what to make of it.

When I woke up, there was about a hundred doctors hovering around me, each with some new sterile terminology to throw my way about my condition, none of which made anything close to sense. I was losing my mind until Bruce showed up. He was able to put it simply: during the mission, I had been exposed to terrigen mist. Instead of killing me, it triggered a transformation in my DNA. I was inhuman.

My inhuman gift, it seemed was the magical blessing from the Black Lagoon. I had gills now—that was the most immediate realization—but there was also the fleshy webbing between my fingers and a weird film over my eyes that I didn’t notice until I tried to rub them with the heel of my palm. All of these wondrously fishy attributes added up to one glorious result: I could swim like a fish.

That was the first thing they tested. As soon as the doctors said I was good to go, SHIELD dumped me in a pool and told me to have fun. And I did. I had never been a fantastic swimmer or anything—the extent of my swimming knowledge came from the lessons my mother had forced me to take as a kindergartener because she was afraid I’d fall into the pond at the park down the street from our house and just die, which … fair. I still hated those classes. But now, now—oh, it was a completely different experience! I cut through that water like a knife, like Michael Phelps who? I was a bullet, shooting back and forth across the pool and just hanging water for as long as I liked.

Because I could breathe underwater now. That’s what gills are for, I guess, although it doesn’t really feel like breathing. Like, I’m not inhaling water while I swim. I’m just … I don’t know, my lungs are still filling with air, my chest is still going up and down, but it’s not through my nose. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s weird. But it’s really fucking awesome.

The team was very supportive of everything. I had only been living at the Tower for a little while, so I had still felt like something of an outsider—I didn’t have powers, and I certainly didn’t have the years long rapport that they had with each other. But they were really cool! Tony designed me a sleek new suit that was able to move well in water while still offering protection, and everyone had the time of their life trying to think up a pithy new code name for my newfound superhero status (we still haven’t quite decided, but I’m leaning towards Torpedo, because isn’t that the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?). Everything was great.

Well, almost everything. There was one thing that was kind of bothering me. Loki hadn’t talked to me since I got hit with the mist. That might sound like a weird thing to get hung up on—oh no, the psychotic extraterrestrial terrorist is ignoring me!— but Loki’s not really like that. He doesn’t really talk about the whole New York thing much, but he’s said enough to make it clear that it’s not something he did of his own volition. If you saw it you’d understand what I meant, the way he tenses up whenever someone brings up the Chitauri and his eyes go all glassy like he’s not really there behind them. You can just tell that whatever had been waiting for him on the other side of that portal, it wasn’t good.

We never talked about New York, but we talked about other things. I’m not really sure how that happened. He does this thing where he acts all annoyed with everyone, like he’s just so over everything, and it irritates everyone so much that they all avoid him like the plague, which of course is what he wants. I guess I just didn’t avoid him when I arrived—I was too busy avoiding all the other superheroes who made me nervous to bother trying with him—and he grew to tolerate my presence.

We started talking about stuff one day, random shit like the purpose of nutritional facts on the side of poptart boxes and the boiling point of water on Earth vs on Asgard because apparently that’s different. And then we’d do things like make fun of the way Steve talks because he’s just so easy to make fun of, and Steve would overhear and tell us to knock it off and that would just make the whole thing funnier and Loki would mimic his voice and say something stupid like “I can feel the righteousness surging!” and Steve would just shake his head and walk away while we laughed like idiots. So yeah. We were friends. Or at least, I thought of him as a friend.

But I was starting to think that maybe he didn’t see me in the same way. We had been partners on the mission where I got hit with the terrigen mist, but he didn’t even come to visit me while I was still in the hospital. And literally everyone came to visit me. Friggin’ Director Fury came to visit me, although I’m pretty sure that was more because he wanted to see what my transformation had entailed and not because he had any particular interest in my wellbeing, but still. And then when I got out, he never said a word to me and everyone else wanted to talk to me so I didn’t say anything to him, but I was worried about him just the same. He was avoiding me too—he wouldn’t ever look at me when I was looking at him, and a lot of times he’d get up and leave the room if I came in. And I didn’t know what was going on.

I probably should’ve asked, but I don’t know … I was afraid, I guess. Like, what if he was really mad at me for something, and just me trying to talk with him would make him upset? So I just didn’t say anything—went through my day pretending everything was normal and ignoring the ache in my chest constantly reminding me that it had been weeks since I got my powers and Loki still hadn’t asked me if I was okay.

But I kind of forgot about all that when Tony started this bullshit. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t start it sooner, because it was the type of low hanging fruit that had his name written all over it, but once he started it there was no going back.

He started it one day when we were in the kitchen. I had been making a sandwich (tuna fish, because I’m a cannibal) and Tony was leaning over the counter watching me, and we were just talking about my general fishiness.

“I’m jealous, really,” he was saying. “It’s definitely something that would come in handy. You need to get something underwater, you just dive down—no tanks, no masks, no suits. Very sophisticated.” His eyes lit up, which is never a good thing. “Sofishticated!”

I groaned. “Stop it.”

But Tony was cackling. “Sofishticated! That’s rather gilliant, if I do say so myself.”

“Tony …”

“It doesn’t get any betta than this!”

I waved the bread knife in his face. “I will throw this at you.”

“Alright, alright.” Even as he held his hands up in surrender, he was giggling like a child. “I’ll stop.”

He did not stop.

The next morning, it was fish puns. Everywhere you turned, it was fish puns.

“Can you get that report back to me soon, or do you need more time to mullet over?”

“Just let minnow when you’re ready to try on the new suit.”

“Don’t trout your abilities, we all know you’re fintastic.”

It was only breakfast and I was inches away from crushing my face against the china cabinet.

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “What the hell have I walked into?”

Tony grinned. “It’s fish puns!” he said. “Because, you know—” he gestured vaguely in my general direction. “It’s her brand.”

I moaned, face in my hands. “Just kill me now.”

Clint perked up. “Don’t you mean krill me now?”

Laughing, Tony gave him a high five over my head as I writhed in pain. “That’s the spirit.”

I don’t know how he did it, but in the matter of hours Tony had the whole damn tower on the pun train. Natasha was joking about how she was having a whale of a time with this new game. Clint was telling me to clam down and enjoy the fun. Steve asked me if I could get kraken on my o-fish-al business. Even Bruce—Bruce, who always made a point of staying out of Tony’s nonsense—even he was coming up to me with shit like “Cod you come help me with somefin in the lab?”

I glared at him. “Why would you ask me that?”

He hesitated for a moment. “Well …” Bruce inhaled. “Salmon had to.”

I stormed off as Tony roared with laughter from behind the corner.

It was inescapable. Wherever I went there was someone armed with some new fishy atrocity. You’d be surprised at how many fucking fish-related words exist in the English language. JARVIS was so overloaded with the amount of Internet searches for “fish puns” that he started bookmarking lists for easy access. It was an absolute nightmare.

“Don’t play koi, sweetheart,” Tony teased one night while we were waiting for Clint to choose a movie. “We know you lobster it.”

“Lobster?” I scoffed. “That doesn’t even make sense!”

“You just don’t appreciate my ingenui-sea.”

“OH MY—”

“Ignore them, my lady.” Thor smiled gallantly “They are only jesting. You should just relaks.” He grinned, stepping back as he waited for a reaction. We all just blinked at him. He frowned. “You understand, yes? Re-laks? Laks? That’s a fish!”

“Lak is not native to Midgard,” Loki interjected without looking up from the book he was reading. I jumped. He had been so quiet I had forgotten he was in here too. “Their oceans are too warm.”

Thor was surprised. “Truly? But I thought we’ve tasted lak since we’ve been here!”

Loki rolled his eyes, still without looking up. “That’s salmon. It tastes similar, but it’s much smaller.” He turned the page, muttering something that I didn’t quite catch. I was suddenly struck by the fact that it was the closest we had come to talking since before the mist, and that ache came back, gnawing at the edges of my heart. He didn’t look at me. I didn’t say anything.

About a week later, it was my birthday. I don’t really like birthdays in general, but I had really been bracing myself for this one all week because there was no way in hell these morons weren’t going to something infuriatingly stupid to mark the occasion. I guess I didn’t do enough bracing, because when I walked into my bathroom that morning to find a big fat lobster scuttling around in my sink I nearly had a fucking heart attack.

Across the mirror, someone had scrawled a message in red lipstick.

Sending you birthday fishes and lots of lobster!

And that was the moment I decided I was going to murder Tony Stark.

I stormed out into the hallway with no weapon, no plan of action, nothing except the pajamas on my back and the lobster in my hand. Additionally, this was the moment I decided that I hated lobsters more than any other creature on this earth. This thing looked like something from outer space, with its antenna and its bulging eyes and its spindly spider legs—that what it was, an overgrown spider in a slimy red shell. It was disgusting.

I was on my way to Tony’s floor, so engrossed with this half-baked notion of busting down his door and throwing this extraterrestrial arachnid on his face while he snored in bed, that I didn’t even see the Asgardian prince until I walked right into him.

Luckily, Loki grabbed me before I stumbled backwards, because I recoiled so quickly I probably would’ve gone flying. He raised his eyebrows as he took in the sight.

“I assume there’s a reason for the crustacean?” he asked.

There was something ever so slightly condescending about his tone, and I bristled. “They left this thing in my room! I swear, I’ve had it up to here with this fish bullshit—”

He hushed me, pulling the lobster from my grasp. With a wave of his hand, it was gone.

I inhaled. “You didn’t kill it, did you?”

“Oh no. I merely moved it to a more preferable location.” He frowned at the moisture left on his palm, conjuring a handkerchief to wipe it off with. “You know,” he said slowly. “The more visibly upset you allow yourself to become over this, the more encouraged they’ll feel to continue.”

“I know, I know. I just—” I sighed. “It’s so annoying. It’s been going nonstop, for two damn weeks! Puns are the absolute lowest form of humor, it’s just obnoxious.”

Loki only nodded as he turned to make his way down the hall. “I’ll take your word for it.”

And just like that, it was back to ignoring me. I watched his retreating form, the ache in my chest quickly bursting in to flames.

“Why are you avoiding me?” I snapped.

He froze, slowly turning around. “Pardon?”

“Why are you avoiding me?” I repeated. “You won’t talk to me anymore, you barely even look at me— did I do something wrong?” Maybe the fish jokes really had fried my brain, because I was dangerously close to tears. “I don’t get it Loki, I thought we were cool and now you just hate me!”

“I don’t hate you!” he said. “I just—”

“Just what? What is going on with you?”

“You could’ve died!” Loki yelled. I had never heard him speak that loudly before, and guess I was shocked into silence. “With the mist, on the mission. It was only pure chance that you didn’t.”

“I—I don’t understand.”

“I was supposed to cover you. I should’ve realized sooner that they were using terrigen crystals. Instead I miscalculated and you nearly died.” He let out a shaky breath. “I thought you were dead. When I found you, enveloped in that shell …” His voice trailed off and I realized with a start that his eyes were glistening with tears.

“Loki …” My gills tingled on my neck as I reached out for him. Is that what this was all about? Guilt? “Loki, you can’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. And besides, I’m fine now. It all worked out in the end.”

He shook his head. “You don’t understand. You didn’t see yourself. You were gone, I was certain you were gone—”

I griped his hand. “I’m here now though. I’m here and I’m fine. Stop beating yourself up about it. I want to be friends again. I—” For a moment, the words caught in my throat. “I missed you.”

He gulped. “Truly?”

“Of course! Besides, I need your help getting back at these idiots.”

He smirked. “Oh, I’ve already started on that.”

A high-pitched scream broke out across the floor. “How did the fucking lobster get in my shower?” Tony bellowed from his bedroom.

We exploded into laughter.

“Oh,” I wheezed. “That was fucking perfect!”

Loki grinned, squeezing my hand. “Only the best for you, my lobster.”