#It used to (before he went in the icu) hurt my feelings to hear her say that shit

[downfallofi]

It's a trip being told I look like my dad every so often, I was cleaning the shelves and found the one picture of a happy family from before I was even born or my mother even met him and Bailey spoke up behind me and said "that picture always me out because I see you" And man is that complicated

[enigmaticdamned]

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐈 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.

There’s no greater betrayal than the one that comes from someone who shares the same blood as you in their veins. The one who creates you. A father. Noel Maher. I wish I could remember him for what he pretended to be. The man with a smile like a palette of warmth, a sunlit mirage that masked the colder currents beneath the surface. A man who kept himself up in the latest fashions. A true wolf in sheep’s clothing. The best business man. There wasn’t a deal that he couldn’t make. I wanted to remember him for all the things I admired him for. Instead I remember him as the man who stood over me with a blade in my chest. He meant to kill his only living son and that didn’t matter to him. He didn’t even care for what got us there either.

𝐅 𝐋 𝐀 𝐒 𝐇 𝐁 𝐀 𝐂 𝐊

“I don’t want him apart of this. You promised you would be good for him and that he could be good!” My mother shouted at my father. I can hear them in his study. I suspect they are unaware of my presence or that I’d be coming by this late. “My patience has run thin, Roselyn! Our son will do what I tell him. I ask of nothing from no one except to fall in line with no exceptions.” His response to her was cold and careless. I never heard him speak to her in that manner when I was around. I could hear her storm off, swinging open his office door. I stayed hidden behind the corner, keeping my presence discreet. “You know. . . for years I stood by and turned a blind eye to all the blood you shed. I looked at you and pretended you were an angel when I knew you were the devil. You begged me to have our son and you promised me you wouldn’t do this to him. I could turn a blind eye to everything but I won’t with this! I will do everything in my power to stop you!” She finally walked away, descending the stairs and he got up to follow her. “You dare?” He asked her but she ignored him. I slipped out the back door, figuring I’d go home that night and give them some air. I wondered what my mom knew and why she was so adamant to stop him.

I went to sleep that night thinking I’d wake up and start unraveling this mystery at dawn. Instead I was disturbed not even two hours later by a phone call from the hospital. “Mr. Maher, your mother is in the ICU and her condition is critical.” For a second I spaced out and all I could hear was the pounding of the beating organ in my chest. My world crumbling around me. This doesn’t feel coincidental. Did my father hurt my mother?

I hung up before I could get the full details from the doctor. I heard something along the lines of her slitting her own wrists and I knew it in my soul that was furthest from the truth. In a panic I rushed out of the bed, grabbing the clothes I had just taken off to shove them back on. I snatched my keys from my dresser and then I headed to my black Audi to race back to my parents place. I skipped stop signs and stoplights, driving almost 80 miles per hour to get to him.

I will unveil the truth. I don’t think he will look me in the eye and tell a lie.

When I arrived I hopped out my car without even removing the keys or closing the door behind me. I was nothing but rage that needed to be purged on him. What could be more important than the bond between family? If you can’t trust family then who could you trust?

I walked inside the house and I looked around for him. I started with his office but he wasn’t there. I looked everywhere until I successfully found him in the backyard sitting by the pool with a glass of whisky in his hand. It was almost like he was celebrating something. I wasted no time as I approach.

“What the fuck did you do to her?”

Enraged I asked him, knocking the glass out his hand and it shattered on the ground. He looked up at me. “What is this about, Nolan?” he asked nonchalantly. He isn’t even pretending to be upset or show any remorse. Is this the monster I looked up too? Is this the moment I see him in his real skin. The truth that had been veiled in the smoke and mirrors of affection, cloaked by the tender illusions of our shared vulnerability.

“I heard you two arguing last night! I was there! I thought I’d leave to give you both some air but—” I couldn’t get my words out because he cut right in “So then you heard enough to know she was threatening my empire. A means to a very tragic end don’t you think?” He spoke of my mother like she was nothing but some outsider threatening his stupid fucking empire! I wanted to break him down for it. “You coward! She is my mother! Your wife! Does that not mean anything to you? Is expanding your empire everything?” I reached down my fingers ruffling up his shirt to grip him by his collar. I raised a fist to strike him but he catches me by the wrist and he said “You like your life don’t you, Nolan? The fancy cars you drive and your penthouses! You wouldn’t have all that if it weren’t for me! I sit back and make all the hard decisions while you and Roselyn enjoy the luxuries!” He stands up to push me off of him. I shake my head in disgust. I’m filled with regret that I ever looked to him as someone I wanted to be like. All the things I did to impress him. I was truly foolish in the end.

I have so much love for him that it makes me ache. It makes me angry and for so long it trapped me like an animal in a cage.

“Fuck you and your empire! I’m going to take it all from under you and make you watch it burn down! You aren’t my father! You are nothing to me, Noel Maher!” For the first time I felt free saying those words. Like the cage I was in had opened.

In my father’s eyes flashed a devil that I never seen before. “It’s a real shame. I thought you’d take after me instead of your pathetic mother.” Blinded by my rage I didn’t see the sharp thick blade that he lunged forward right into my chest cavity. I looked up at him in disbelief, feeling real betrayal for the first time in my life. Not from an enemy nor a friend but my own father. In that moment I learned blood spills blood. So if I can’t trust family then I can’t trust anyone. “You…how could you?” The only words I could force out. The pain of the blade was crippling as he sticks it deeper. Each breath I take I could feel the air getting shorter. With the little strength I had I tried to push him off and he shoved me to the ground like I was light as a feather. “I watched all the footage from my cameras last night and I knew you were here! I figured you’d come back and come to your senses about all this but I realize you could never take after me! You disgust me!” He spoke down to me as he tried to press his foot down on the blade to push it deeper. Treating me like scum beneath his shoes. Hovering over me like he was a god that gets to decide the fate of my life. I reached up to catch his foot, trying to relieve myself of the pain and stop the deadly blade from pushing deeper into me.

“𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙙𝙤𝙜 𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙜 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙. 𝙎𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙’𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧.”

𝐏 𝐑 𝐄 𝐒 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓

Those were the last words of his that I remembered as the darkness swept me away and I drifted into unconsciousness. It has been seven years since it happened. The scar on my chest is a reminder of how lucky I was to escape deaths embrace.

Today marks the anniversary of my mother’s death and I feel I don’t deserve to mourn her. I am out of Noel’s clutches completely but he is still out there and we are at war with one another. I have my own position of power now which makes me untouchable but he is still a powerful man himself which makes it even harder to get to him.

This mark on my chest feels more like a reminder that I failed to get my revenge as long as he still lives.

I stand on my patio, gazing out at the beautiful view the penthouse had to offer. I couldn’t properly enjoy it thinking about Noel. I’m reminded of how my mother said he begged her to have me. I often questioned why he wanted me. To have a child without intention to love them. I was only here to be molded in his image. He didn’t want me to live my own life. He wanted to live through me in the worst way.

[mediocre-writerr]

peer pressure [jo wilson]

jo wilson x reader

requested by anon: hey there! i saw you accept requests for greys anatomy, so i was wondering if you could write for jo wilson? she's dating y/n in secret bc the two of them are still figuring out their relationship. y/n is brought to the hospital and since no one knows about the two, jo is assigned to operate on her but jo gets really stressed and panicked, not wanting to mess up. protective jojo would be sweet <3

warning: shooting, blood

*not my gif*

The sound of a phone ringing awoke you from your peaceful slumber. You grabbed the pillow from next to you as you threw your head over it. A familiar weight on top of you. 

“Jo,” she just hummed in response, “Jo, your phone,” 

Her head immediately shoots up and grabs it off your bedside table, but not before elbowing your stomach in the process. You let out a groan, “Oops, sorry love,”

“Hello,” her voice rang out as she answered her phone, “Okay I’ll be right there!”

You remove the pillow off your face as she hung up, “I have an emergency surgery that I need to scrub in on. You’ll pick me up, right?” 

“Same spot, in. my dark ominous tinted car,” I joked with her and she jokingly rolled her eyes. You paused before continuing to talk, “Have you thought about us? I know after Alex you weren’t sure if you wanted to date again, but I don’t know if we’ve been going on dates and getting closer. I know you want to be ready-” 

She leaned over as she changed into a pair of scrubs that she kept at your place, just in case stuff like this happened, and placed a soft kiss to your lips. 

“We’ll talk about when I get back, okay?” you let out a sigh knowing that this isn’t the first time that she avoided the conversation, but you put on a tight lipped smile before nodding. 

“I’ll call you when I’m off,” she shouted before walking out the door.

“Okay, I love you. Go save some lives Supergirl!” you shouted back, but it was too late the door was closed. 

That’s what you always did, you always shouted it right as the door closed, because you knew that she wouldn’t reciprocate those feelings. 

You understood her need to keep her walls up. She was married to Alex and then he just up and left, but you wanted more than hiding on a corner block away from the hospital just so her friends wouldn’t see. 

You looked at the time on your clock and let out another groan. There was no point in trying to get a little more sleep. You rolled out of bed to get ready for your day at work. 

The day was a little cold compared to the fast few days. But you continued your walk towards the familiar coffee shop you stopped in every morning before work. However, today was different, through the coffee shop window you could see a heated argument occurring.

You bursted into the coffee shop to see your usual barista Kate shaking in fear. The man turned around and he had a gun in his hand. You put your hands up immediately knowing what to do in a situation like this.

“Hello sir, whatever you need we can give it to you,” you told him, trying to ease the situation.

“I want the money that’s in the register!” he screamed.

You shook your head, “Okay, you got it. Just put the gun down please,” he slowly lowered the gun and you gave Kate a nod, “Unlock the register, it’s going to be okay,” 

Just when you think you’re safe and the man’s about to leave. His ski mask slips off his face and you breathe out a sigh, knowing now that you’re a liability. 

“Shit!” he yells, pointing the gun back at you and Kate.

“Just go, we won’t say a word,” you told him. 

He shook his head,  “I can’t let you do that,” 

And with that a shot rang through the coffee shop. You felt your body go cold as you fell onto the floor, clutching your side. 

Then you could see him point his gun at Kate, so you did what you were taught to do. You got up quickly from off the floor as you stood in front of her. The bullet hit your shoulder as you fell down once more. Before another shoot could ring out, you could see the blurry visions of officers behind him. 

Your breathing started to become ragged as the blood starts to leave your body bit by bit, “Kate...” you whispered and she looked at you panic in her eyes, “I need you to put pressure on my wound, okay? I’m losing too much blood to-to do it myself,” 

But before you could feel any pressure, your vision slowly faded away.

“Y/N, you don’t have to pick me up right now. There was a robbery at the coffee shop, there’s one injured and I was assigned. I’ll call you again when I’m done,” Jo spoke into the phone after trying to call you three times. 

Jo immediately ran out to the parking lot where the ambulance park. The paramedics arriving right as she got out there. They burst through the ambulance door as Jo went over to them. 

“What have we got?” she asked, not giving a look at the patient for just a second.

“We found the ID of Detective Y/N Y/L/N,” the paramedic said.

With that Jo immediately lifted her head from the bullet wound and saw your pale face going in and out of consciousness. A pit falling into her stomach as she completely blocked out everything else.

“Y/N,” she whispered, fear evident in her eyes.

You looked at her with a loopy smile, grabbing a hold of her hand, and squeezing it with all your might. You could feel your eyes start to slip away again, “I-I love you,” 

Your eyes shut as you slipped out into unconsciousness, “Dr. Wilson,” the paramedic said sternly, “She’s losing too much blood we got to get her to an OR,” 

“Right, yeah. Get her to OR one,” 

They placed you on the OR table as you were blacked out. The loss of blood making it too hard to stay awake. They hooked you up to the anesthesia before opening up your side.

“We’re ready Dr. Wilson,” the anesthesiologist said.

Her hands started to shake with the scalpel in her hand. Thoughts rushing through her mind. 

Focus Jo, just focus. 

But her thoughts wouldn’t quiet, “Dr. Wilson, is everything okay?”

She shook her head, “No, someone grab my phone and get Dr. Grey on the phone,” 

A nurse immediately grabbed her phone and dialed Dr. Grey, “Wilson, what’s going on?”

“I need you to get to the OR as soon as possible,” she said, her voice slightly cracking.

“I’m on my way,” 

Jo spotted Meredith walk into the OR, “I need you to do this procedure, please,” 

“Why?” Meredith asked as she immediately took Jo’s place, but Jo didn’t respond, “Wilson, if I’m going to take over for you I need to know why because this is a simple find the bleeder,” 

“This is Detective Y/N Y/L/N, she’s my-” Jo starts before the tears started getting choked up, “I don’t know what we are, I’d always avoid the conversation, but they-”

“They mean a lot to you,” Meredith finished and Jo nodded.

“Can I stay here with you? I don’t wanna leave their side,” Jo whispered.

“Only if you tell me about them,”

Jo pulled out a seat and watched as Meredith worked on you. She told Meredith everything about what was going on. 

“They always asked me about us and what I wanted us to be. They were always ready for a relationship, they wanted to make things official but I-I just couldn’t,” she whispered.

“What was holding you back?” Meredith said as she used the suction to take the bleeders out of you.

“I guess I was scared, Alex left and I met Y/N and I fell for them each more every day. The thought of losing them or I guess them abandoning me, I couldn’t take it,” Jo said, staring at your face. 

She ran her thumb over your cool skin and smiled at you with tears in her eyes, “Every time I left their apartment, I’d give them a kiss, and I’d say bye. Right as I shut the door I hear them call out and say ‘I love you! Go save some lives Supergirl!’. I never said it back, I need to say it back,” 

“And you’ll be able to, they’re stable. We’ll take them to the ICU and they’ll be able recover nicely,” Meredith replied as she stitched you up, “Just make sure you tell them this time,” 

You awoke to the sound of soft beeping noises and a bright light on your face. The familiar weight that’s usually on top of you when you woke up was right there. 

Your eyes fluttered opened as you see that you’re at Grey Sloan Memorial. The familiar weight was indeed Jo, sleeping peacefully on your chest in her navy blue scrubs. 

“Jo,” you whispered and she stirred awake looking up at you.

“You’re awake,” she whispered, holding you even tighter.

You let out a soft groan, “Ouch love, that’s the wound,” 

“Oops sorry love!” she exclaimed once more and you laughed softly.

“It’s okay. Not that I’m complaining, but I’m surprised you’re on top of me. I know we’ve been keeping us a secret,” you asked, kind of confused. 

She looked at you with a guilty look in her eyes, “I'm sorry. I was scared, after Alex, I didn’t think I’d find love again. But then you, you came, and every day I fell in love with you more and more. I never wanted to talk about what we were because the thought of you abandoning me like everyone else did killed me. So I thought if there’s no label and you leave I won’t get hurt,”

“But then I heard the paramedics ID you and the thought of losing you without telling you how much I love you killed me more. I can’t lose you Y/N,” she whispered, “I love you so much and I can’t lose the person who put me back together,” 

You cupped her cheeks softly and kissed her sweetly. As soon as you pulled away you placed your foreheads together, “So we’re dating?” you teased and she laughed softly before nodding, “I love you so much. I’m not going anywhere,”

“Good,” she kissed you once more, “Just please no more jumping in front of bullets,”

“What? You can’t be the only one who saves lives,” you teased, but you could tell that she was being serious.

“I know that’s your job, but seriously love you weren’t even off the clock. I need you with me,” 

“Then with you is where I’m going to be,” you kissed her forehead before she settled back into your arms, holding you tighter than ever before.

[resusheart]

Heart surgery fantasy

This is a fantasy I wrote based on the requests I received after I wrote about my heart surgery. I hope you like it.

 I went in to the OR. It was midafternoon, I had performed another surgery that morning together with the attending surgeon. I was still a surgery resident, but not for much longer, I was almost finished with my studies, I couldn’t wait to be the head surgeon, the boss. But, for now, I was the assistant and had to follow my boss’s instructions.

We usually did surgery in small children born with heart defects or on older people who needed a bypass after having had a heart attack. This time it was different, so different in fact, that we were setting up video equipment to record the surgery as a teaching experience in the future. I watched as they mounted the high definition camera in a place where it could record the surgery without blocking our vision at the same time.

I read the file, we were operating on a female, still in her forties. Not a spring chicken, but also, not an old woman either. I could hear her talking to the anesthetist while they were trying to put her under. She was nervous, but we had to be very cautious in what drugs to give her because she had a debilitating neurological condition that made titrating the meds difficult. If we used too much anesthetic she would be intubated for too long, making her diaphragm very weak and this would result in her being permanently unable to breathe by herself.

I could see she was still awake because she was breathing too fast to be asleep, but that changed quickly. She started to close her eyes slowly as the meds worked their magic, then, the anesthetist tilted her head way backwards and begin bagging her with the ambu for about a minute to keep her oxygen levels within the normal range. Then, he inserted the metal blade into her mouth and proceeded to intubate her with a long, endotracheal tube which was then connected to the respirator. Finally, I could see her chest move up and down rhythmically, in deep breaths timed to the hiss and puff sound of the machine. It was now the time for me to come near the table. I greeted the nurses, who proceeded to uncover the woman’s chest. I observed it rising and falling, looked at her skin shining under the OR light. Her breasts were rather large, and still perky despite her age. They were natural, round, soft breasts, not hard plastic ones. I liked them better this way. I kept these thoughts to myself because I could not let my colleagues know that, even in this situation, I felt aroused by my patient.

The nurse sprayed a chlorhexidine solution all over her chest and then proceeded to clean it three times very carefully. Every inch of her chest had to be sterilized before we started the procedure. Her nipples hardened with the cold and when they washed them all around holding the gauze with the pliers, I felt aroused. Fortunately, my PPE covered me completely so nobody noticed.

When she was sterile and all the areas that we would work on had been sterilized, it was time to proceed. I took the scalpel and began cutting from the top of her sternum, near her neck, all the way down to the end of the chest, exposing the bone. Then, with an electrical saw and its high pitched sound, I cut it down the middle, then proceeded to insert the spreader and rotated the handle, to slowly open the chest and be able to see the heart clearly. There it was. A beautiful, beating albeit sick heart. As always, seeing the beating organ made me quiver inside. I enjoyed seeing the EKG, with its black lines, indicating me what the heart was doing, I also loved to see the monitor and hear it’s bip, bip, bip sound, but nothing was better than seeing it like this. The heart beating inside the pleural sack. I proceeded to cut the thin skin of the sack and finally, there it was. The heart muscle, the perfect machine I had dedicated my life to.

I began working on the heart by sowing different colored markers all around it. Identifying which part of the heart is what is difficult when it has lost its shape, so these markers help us identify what goes where when we “put it back together again” after the surgery so to speak. I began by marking the aorta, then continued to mark other things as the apex, ventricles and the last one was the inferior vena cava.

We were ready to begin the longest part of the surgery and the primary surgeon was now ready to get to work. He began by inserting a big tube into the vein that went straight into the right atrium. This tube started diverting the blood from the heart and feeding it into the heart-lung machine, then, we inserted another tube into the ascending aorta. This way, while the heart stood still to allow to perform surgery, the machine would oxygenate the blood and recirculate it to the rest of the body.

At the same time, another doctor began cooling this woman’s body using the mat that was placed under her, to give us time to work inside the heart without causing damage.  

The machine started humming, the ventilator was stopped because the blood was being oxygenated elsewhere and we injected a paralyzing solution, that had mostly potassium in it, straight into the heart to make it stop. The solution was ice cold, and we placed special, sterile ice around the heart to keep it cool while we worked on it.

The paralyzing solution was in, the heart beat irregularly three or four times, then it came to a standstill. The clock that measured time on pump was turned on and seconds, then minutes, then hours went by. The silence of the OR was only interrupted by the sound of the machine pumping, while we worked on the heart itself.

On the outside, her heart looked perfect, but it was still swollen because of the endocarditis she had suffered. One morning she was feeling great, by mid-day she fell ill and that night she had been admitted to the ICU with acute sepsis resulting in her heart valves being damaged. A pacemaker had been implanted several years earlier because of her neurological condition, and the wires that connected the heart muscle to the pacemaker’s battery had become coated with infection too, so they had to be removed, and, due to the location and size of it, it had to be done by hand.

When the heart stood still and empty, I took the scalpel and made a large cut, about three and a half inches, right on the heart muscle. The chief doctor then removed the wires softly to avoid hurting the heart even more, one from one atrium and the other one from a ventricle, it was painstakingly slow. We fixed the heart valves avoiding the use of artificial ones and closed the heart again. In total, she was on the heart-lung machine for a bit more than five hours. Eight units of blood had been used at the time, more would be used later. Now it was time to restart the heart.

They began warming her body up with the water mat, we suctioned the ice cold water around the heart and began rerouting the blood back to the heart. Hopefully the heart would start pumping by itself when the warm blood went in, but that was not the case. I began massaging the heart for a bit, giving it time to warm up. It seemed like that wasn’t enough so we injected atropine directly into the heart muscle and it began to quiver, but was unable to pick up the pace as it was supposed to. It shook like gelatin, but didn’t pump blood. The chief doctor placed the paddles on both sides of the heart and said “clear!”, 30 joules made it stand still for a couple of seconds and then, beating erratically, it didn’t work. We had to shock her again. Once more the chief doctor placed the paddles around the heart, hugging it, pressing it a bit tighter and pushed the button. Her whole body shook, I could see her breasts trembling under the sterile sheets and after a couple of seconds, the heart started beating regularly. “Ok, we got sinus rhythm, let´s close her up”, said my boss. So I took care of that part by myself, while he went to the doctors’ lounge. I closed the pleural sack and used a metal grid to hold the sternum back together. Then I closed her chest, making an effort to have her breasts properly aligned. I touched them with my gloved hands several times to make sure they were in the right place, trying to hide the fact that I enjoyed this part very much. This woman, with those large breasts and nipples, might become self-aware of the scars she now has on her chest and feel uncomfortable, but to me, seeing her, with the perfect stitches I just made, the attention to detail placed in the sutures of both the scar on her sternum and on the right side of her chest, in the subclavian area, were her pacemaker used to be, she is hot and beautiful. There are three drainage tubes coming out of the lower part of her chest and a wire coming out of the middle, which leads to a needle placed into her heart that connects her to an external pacemaker. I find this image fascinating and otherworldly. A woman, asleep, with wires on her chest, tubes coming out, like in a sci-fi movie, and the ventilator working. I feel pleased…..and aroused.

We tried to have the patient breathing by herself by the time she left the OR, but she couldn’t, so we transported her to the ICU while ventilating her. I later found out she was eventually able to breath by herself after four days. But for the moment, I have her settled and sedated in her ICU bed. My work here is done. I touched her hand and said goodbye.

It is late at night, the whole surgery took almost seven hours, I need to rest.  

[allthingsfangirl101]

A Change of Heart Part 2–Matt Brody

Part 1

Wattpad request by psych0bxtch

Matt's POV

When I heard the flatline, my stomach dropped. The only thing I could hear other than the worst sound in the world was Summer sobbing violently as Mitch tried to keep her from collapsing to the floor.

"No," she kept sobbing. "She can't be. . . Please tell me she isn't. . . Mitch. . . She's my baby sister. . . Please."

"Keep trying," I said under my breath when I finally found my voice. Everyone looked at me as I cleared my throat and took a step towards the ambulance.

"Keep trying," I said louder as they slowly started to unhook Y/N's lifeless body from their machines. "You can't give up on her. She's. . . We need her."

I ignored Summer's questioning look and instead, my eyes glanced towards Y/N. Suddenly, my view of Y/N in the back of an ambulance changed to the last time we were alone together in the South Lifeguard Tower. I couldn't decide if I was more haunted by her laying there unmoving or the look in her eyes when I rejected her.

"I need her," I mumbled. I glanced over at Summer to see her tears slowly stopping.

"Matt?" She said under her breath.

We broke our eye contact when we heard them charging the defibrillator. I held my breath as we all waited to hear the heart monitor start beeping. As we impatiently waited, Summer walked over to me, but I didn't look away from the EMTs working on Y/N.

"What did you mean when you said you need her?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper. "Be very careful with your next words, Matt."

"I can't imagine my life without her," I blurted out. I kept my eyes on Y/N and the EMTs as I continued, "I hate that us almost losing her is what made me realize it."

"No," Summer cut me off, making me finally look at her. "You aren't doing this. Y/N is an amazing girl and you broke her. You broke her, Matt. She finally got the courage to tell you how she felt and you shot her down. Are you telling me that all this time. . . Or are you just suddenly realizing it because we might. . . No. My sister deserves better. Y/N deserves a guy who knows he wants to be with her. Not some Olympic Asshole who picks and chooses when he gets a girl."

I opened my mouth to respond but was interrupted when we heard a beautiful beep. You could hear us all sucking in a synced breath when we recognized the sound. We turned around and saw the EMTs letting out relieved sighs.

"She's back," an EMT said as he glanced over at us. "We got her back."

"Alert the surgical team at the nearest hospital," the other EMT started giving instructions. "We need to get her into surgery as soon as we get there."

The EMTs started talking indistinctly as they hooked her up to more machines. I jumped when they slammed the door shut and the ambulance sped off. I turned to say something to Summer but she was already jogging towards her car. CJ and Stephanie sent me matching glares before following Summer. Ronnie cleared his throat, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with me.

"We're going to the hospital," Mitch said with not even an ounce of emotion in his voice. "Want a ride?"

We rode to the hospital in silence. I watched the buildings zoom by, the anger in Summer's voice repeating over and over again. The glare she gave me sent chills down my spine just thinking about it.

She was right. Y/N is too good for me.

As we sat in the waiting room, I thought back to our conversation in the South Lifeguard Tower. The longer I thought about it, the more I realized I never shot her down. I didn't say anything to her. She assumed I didn't have feelings for her because I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything because I was too shocked.

I looked up and noticed Summer watching me with tears streaming down her face. She had numerous reasons to be pissed at me but the real reason was because of the conversation in the South Lifeguard Tower. I stood up, nervously wiping my hands on my shorts as I walked over to her.

"Don't," she said, her voice getting caught in her throat. "I don't care how guilty you feel about shooting my sister down. I have more important things to think about. Like how Y/N is fighting for her life on a surgery table right now."

"Summer," I stuttered. "Please just. . ."

"Stop!" She yelled, quickly standing up. "My sister is dying, Matt. I don't give a shit that you feel guilty for turning her down. You have no idea how much you hurt her."

"I didn't. . ." I stuttered.

"Of course not," she scoffed. "She took two weeks off from work. Want to know what she did during that time? She spent the entire two weeks crying her eyes out. She was embarrassed, defeated, humiliated, and felt like she couldn't face you. Here's the real kicker; she came back for you!"

"What do you mean?" I asked under my breath.

"You were losing it, Matt," she sighed. "We could all see it."

I looked behind her to see everyone else watching us with the same look on their faces. When I made eye contact with Mitch, he shook his head and looked around the waiting room.

"Summer," I said, my voice breaking as I turned back towards her.

"Enough," she said through her teeth. "Y/N doesn't deserve you, Matt Brody. She deserves better."

* * * * *

An hour later, we still hadn't heard anything from the doctors working to save Y/N's life. We sat in the waiting room of the ER, all of us on edge. Whenever someone walked through a door, we all jumped.

"For Ms. Y/N Quinn?"

We all jumped up, slightly surprising the doctor when he saw how many of us were there. He looked around, trying to figure out which one of us he needed to address first.

"I'm her sister," Summer said shakily as she took a step towards him. "Is she. . . Did she. . . Please tell me she's okay."

"Your sister is one hell of a fighter," the doctor smiled sweetly at her.

"She's okay?" Summer said with nothing but hope in her voice.

"For the most part," he said slowly.

"What does that mean?" Ronnie asked.

"Well," the doctor said, slightly clearing his throat. "As you know, they were able to restart her heart in the back of the ambulance but her vitals were too low when she got to the hospital. As we took her into an exam room, she stopped breathing again. After a few tests, we discovered that it wasn't just the drowning that almost killed her."

"What was it?" Summer asked, slightly taking a step closer to the doctor.

"A bullet."

My breath got stuck in my throat. I looked over at Summer to see her covering her mouth, trying to stop the sob.

"When the hell was she shot?" CJ asked under her breath.

"Underwater," Mitch mumbled to himself. We turned around to see him thinking about something.

"Mitch?" Summer said under her breath.

"Before I jumped in after her, I thought I heard something strange. If I hadn't hesitated. . . I'm so sorry, Summer. I heard the gunshot and that's what made me jump in after her. I should've done that sooner. I'm so sorry."

"This isn't your fault," she said gently. My heart dropped into my stomach when Summer glanced over at me.

"How is she?" Mitch asked.

"We got the bullet out," the doctor continued, "and stopped the bleeding, but she still lost a lot of blood during the surgery. I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma."

"When is she going to wake up?" Summer asked almost instantly.

"We can't be entirely sure," he sighed. "She could be asleep for a few more hours or a few more days. When a patient loses a lot of blood, their mind tends to shut off until that blood is reproduced. But I can assure you that we are doing everything we can to make her feel comfortable until she does. I can take you to see her, Ms. Quinn."

When the rest of us took a few steps closer to Summer and the doctor, he stopped us. "I'm sorry," he said, clearing his throat, "but only family can go into the ICU."

Even though we didn't like it, we sat back down. I intertwined my fingers, struggling to calm my nerves. The next few days were never-ending. While the others went home, I stayed sitting in the uncomfortable ER waiting room chair.

"Matt."

I jumped when I felt someone kick my foot. I looked up to see Mitch standing above me with his arms folded. He sighed as he slightly shook his head.

"Go home."

"I'm good," I said, clearing my throat.

"No, you're not," he sighed. "You haven't slept, you've barely eaten, and you look like shit. Not to mention that you reek."

"I'm not leaving," I said sleepily.

"Matt," he sighed again as he sat next to me. "I know you feel guilty for what happened to Y/N, but the boat fire had nothing to do with you. If anyone is to blame, it's me. I was the one who didn't jump in after her soon enough. I keep hearing that damn underwater gunshot. It replays in my mind and my dreams. This was my responsibility. All of your safety falls on me. I failed Y/N. And Summer."

I suddenly realized how much this has been weighing down on him. His shoulders were tense, his back was hunched, and his eyes were heavy.

"Mitch," I said, making him look at me, "Y/N wouldn't blame you for anything that's happened. You jumped in, you found her, you brought her back to the boat. You saved her, Mitch. All I did was break her heart."

"About that," Mitch said, clearing his throat to cover his laugh. "What the hell, man? She told you how she felt, you shut her down, then she gets hurt and that makes you suddenly have feelings for her?"

"First of all," I sighed, "I didn't shoot her down. I didn't respond right away and she took that as me not having feelings for her. Second, I didn't say anything about "suddenly" having feelings for her."

"Hold on," he said, more anger in his voice. "After all the shit that's gone down, you actually have feelings for her?"

When he looked at me, he saw my answer clearly written on my face. He scoffed as he looked away, slightly shaking his head. When he looked back at me, I felt like a kid about to get scolded by my father.

"Please tell me you realize how much of an asshole you are," he scoffed.

"Mitch," I stuttered.

"Y/N is an amazing girl. You'd be lucky to have someone like her interested in you. Honestly, you don't deserve her anymore. Hell, you didn't deserve her when she told you how she felt. And if you walk into that hospital room and confess to having feelings for her all along. . ."

He didn't finish his threat. Instead, he stood up and wiped his hands on his pants. He was about to walk away but stopped. He didn't bother to turn around as he spoke up.

"By the way," he said through his teeth, "She's awake."

I watched Mitch leave before slowly standing up. I made my way down the hallway, my nerves jumping all over the place the closer I got to her. I hesitated outside her room, continually wiping my sweaty hands on my pants. Whenever I reached for the door handle, I never made it all the way to it. As I tried to reach for the handle again, the door swung open.

"Matt," Summer gasped. She looked over her shoulder before quickly closing the door. "I don't think you should be here."

"Summer, please," I stuttered. "I just want to. . ."

"You've done enough."

* * * * *

After Summer stopped me from going into Y/N's room, I was even more determined to talk to her. I waited for Summer to leave before sneaking back down the hallway. I ducked into Y/N's room, my breath getting caught in my throat when I turned and saw Y/N asleep in the hospital bed.

I felt numb as I walked over and sat next to her. I hesitated to grab her hand because I didn't want to wake her up. Instead, I sat back in the uncomfortable chair and thought about the last conversation Y/N and I had.

~•~

"Your sister is looking for you," I said. I got concerned when I noticed her still facing away from me. I slowly walked over and grabbed the gauze that was frozen in her hand.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, not at all convincingly.

"Y/N," I elongated. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she said again, sounding less convincing than before.

"I'm in love with you."

I heard her suck in a breath the same time I sucked in one of my own. My mind instantly started going 100 miles an hour.

She was in love with me? Since when? Does everyone know? How could I not know?

"What?" I asked under my breath for clarity. I wanted, no needed to make sure I heard her right.

"Never mind," she stuttered. My heart sank when she started to leave the shack.

"Y/N," I said, trying to get her to look at me. My shoulders slightly sank when she remained facing the door. "What did you say?"

"Just forget it," she said quickly.

Right as she was about to leave, I quickly grabbed her hand and slowly turned her towards me. I tried to get her to look up at me but she kept her stare to the ground.

"Y/N?" I whispered. "Did you mean it? Are you really. . ."

"Yes," she forced out. When she finally looked up at me, her eyes sank. My heart clenched when I saw her struggling to hold back embarrassed tears.

"Y/N," I stuttered, "I'm not. . . It's not that . . . I'm sorry."

She roughly pulled her hand out of mine and cleared her throat like she was trying to get rid of a lump.

"Okay," she whispered.

"Y/N," I sighed.

"It's fine," she said before I could get a chance to explain what was going through my head. It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for her. The truth was, I wasn't sure how I felt about Y/N Quinn.

"I should umm. . . You're taking over, right? You're on the next shift? Okay, I'm gonna go then. Bye, Matt."

"Y/N," I said, trying to get her to stay and hear me out. "Please let's. . ."

I physically jumped when the South Lifeguard tower door shut between us. I sat on one of the extra chairs, my mind not stopping. I ran my fingers through my hair as Y/N's defeated and embarrassed look on her face was stuck in my head.

"I don't know how I feel about you," I mumbled to myself. "But I know I don't want to lose you."

~•~

I've always felt this pull towards Y/N. I just thought it was friendship. That is until she told me how she felt for me. I looked over at her, the guilt suffocating me.

"You don't get it," I whispered, shaking my head and looking away from her. "You left before I could explain. I wasn't stuttering that I didn't have feelings for you. I was stuttering that I wasn't sure. I know that's not better but. . ."

"Matt?"

My head snapped up when I heard my name weakly said. I was met with Y/N's Y/E/C eyes. I smiled as I scooted closer to her.

"Hi," I whispered.

"What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you," I started to ramble. "Look, I know things have been weird between us and I hate it. I absolutely hate this tension between us, Y/N. When you were gone, those were the worst two weeks of my life. I was miserable. I wanted to call you but Summer kept telling me to leave you alone."

"She what?" She asked softly but I kept talking.

"And then when you came back? I didn't know what to do or say. Whatever I rehearsed, didn't seem good enough. Then the boat fire. . . You were underwater for four and a half minutes. Mitch gave you CPR for the whole five-minute boat ride back to shore. The EMTs took over for three minutes before they hooked you up to the defibrillator. One minute and forty-two seconds later, you flatlined. That was the longest minute and forty-two seconds of my life."

"Matt," she said weakly, trying to interrupt me again.

"When you told me how you felt," I continued, "I didn't respond but not because I didn't have a response for you. It was because I was evaluating."

"Evaluating," she repeated. "Matt, what does that mean? Evaluating what?"

"Us," I said before I could stop myself. "I mean evaluating who you are to me. We've been good friends since you started at Baywatch, but I've always thought our relationship was stronger than just a simple friendship. And it wasn't until you left those two weeks that I realized it was a lot deeper than a simple friendship."

"What are you trying to say?" She asked hesitantly.

"I'm saying I have feelings for you," I said quickly. I watched as her eyes widened. She was studying me hard, probably trying to decide if I was being honest with her.

To help reassure her, I continued. "Y/N, I'm not just saying I have feelings for you because I almost lost you. I'm saying it because I didn't realize how I felt for you. I had a general idea but I wasn't sure exactly. I know this doesn't make much sense, but it's the truth. I care about you, Y/N, a lot. I'm sorry it took almost losing you for me to wake up and realize that I've loved you all this time."

I held my breath, waiting for her reaction. When her eyes filled with tears, I couldn't tell if they were happy tears or angry tears. The silence ate away at me, almost as much as the guilt.

"Please say something," I whispered. My breath got caught in my throat when she slowly smiled.

"Come here," she whispered.

I scooted the chair closer to Y/N's bed and grabbed her hand. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. The second our lips touched, we instantly started moving them in sync.

Every feeling I've felt since her confession intensified as we finally kissed. It was like everything we've been holding back, burst. Without breaking the kiss, I stood up and carefully crawled onto her bed until I was hovering over her. The kiss got heated as Y/N reached up, grabbed my shirt, and pulled me closer to her.

She moaned when I used the hand that wasn't holding me up to gently rub her hip. I smirked against her lips as I slowly slid that hand up her body. She gasped, breaking the kiss when I found and squeezed her boob. That surprised gasp turned into a painful one.

"Shit," I gasped, moving my weight off of her. "I'm so sorry, Y/N. I should've. . . You've been shot and I. . . I'm sorry. For everything. I never should've. . ."

"Matt," she whispered, cutting me off as she reached up and gently cupped my cheek in her hand. "It's okay."

"No," I stuttered. "It's not okay, Y/N. None of it is. I want to make it up to you. I need to make it up to you."

"Then take me on a date," she said so simply.

"What?"

"Take me on a date," she repeated.

I smiled, feeling like a giddy idiot as I laid down next to her. I let out a satisfied sigh as she immediately cuddled into my chest.

"As soon as you get out of here," I whispered, "I'm taking you on that date."

[engagemachine]

"You're so gentle," she tells me. They all say it. I hear it from my patients every time I take their arm to wrap the blood pressure cuff around it, or when I place my stethoscope on their belly, or when I rub circles into their back when I've helped them sit up on the side of the bed for the first time in three days. Sometimes they cry, because it's the first tender touch they've felt since they've been in the hospital. It's very humbling and at the same time very concerning -- why has no one else offered this tenderness to you? Why am I always the first?

But I don't feel gentle. Not when a pair of ribs are cracking beneath my hands as I'm doing chest compressions on a Covid patient who's stopped breathing--the second time I've administered CPR on a Covid patient in two days. I don't feel gentle when I'm wrestling with a patient and begging for them to keep their oxygen mask on. When I have to hold them down and hold them still so my coworker can draw a blood sample. I don't feel gentle when I'm inserting a nasogastric tube down someone's nose, then throat, and into their belly while they're gagging around the tube and their arms are flailing. And I don't feel gentle when I'm washing a sacral wound with bleach and they're crying because it hurts. I don't feel gentle when I have to shout, beg, and plead for patients to listen, when I tell patients they're going to die if they don't keep their oxygen mask on. I don't feel gentle when I have to place a patient in restraints, or when I call a family member and tell them that their loved one's condition hasn't improved. I don't feel gentle when a patient tells me they can't breathe, they can't breathe, I can't breathe, and I'm yelling for coworkers to call the doctor while I'm cycling through different oxygen masks and trying to administer medication to slow their respirations and calm their anxiety.

I'm writing this because I feel like I've been living a little bit behind a veneer on here, although I know deep down that's not really true; I have always wanted my blog to feel like a positive space for anyone and everyone, including myself. I come here to have fun and destress and that's why you usually don't see me reblogging content having to do with politics or global news. I think it's possible to create a healthy space where one does talk about those things and spreads awareness for important causes, but for me, Tumblr is where I come when I need to escape the harsh realities of real life. This is my platform where I can indulge in my fictional proclivities and interests, where I can appreciate art, photography, beautiful writing, my favorite films, music, and cute animals. That's what this space is about. I also have loved meeting new people and getting to know my readers and making new friends and chatting about my stories. That's why I'm here and I thank you all so, so much for indulging me in my passions and for encouraging my writing the way that you have: it has helped me weather the current storm of stress I am feeling in more ways than I could possibly convey.

But I have to be very honest with you all about how much I've been struggling lately, as I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point and I'm somewhat at a loss for how to handle it.

Since September of last year, I've been on an accelerated track to finish the degree I'm working towards, which is a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I've been a nurse for four years, but I graduated from a two-year nursing program versus a four-year program because I wanted to get into the field earlier than some of my peers, which has been great. Anyway, my school counselor/mentor and I agreed that I could obtain my BSN in a year if I really pushed myself. The program I'm in is self-paced, which has been both a blessing and a curse. Most of my classes I have finished in about three to four weeks. Other classes, like biochemistry, took substantially longer, about seven or eight weeks, if I remember correctly. All of the classes have relied on my ability to self-teach, as there are no scheduled lectures to attend, only assigned readings and videos to watch, if you choose to do so. Fast forward to the end of May, when I went to visit some family, and, upon my return home, really started to lose some of my motivation to complete my classes. I was meant to finish my program in August (this month) but agreed with my mentor that I would take a short break and put my last three classes on hold so that I could resume the program in September. I've enjoyed approximately a month off from school, but "enjoyed" is a term I use loosely here as I was also picking up extra shifts at work because we've been so short staffed and losing nurses left and right.

Which brings me to the main cause of my stress. This pandemic has completely changed the landscape for how I administer care to my patients, and the stress of the care itself has been so utterly overwhelming at times I can hardly bear it. I broke down in tears at work on Sunday morning, shortly after 4:30 am, right there at the the nurse's station, and was sobbing so hard that my supervisor had to pull me away so that I could have some privacy. I wish I could tell you that I sobbed harder than I have in a long time--but I had sobbed at work with that same intensity just four weeks prior, only, I had been alone at the time. It's becoming a trend--I either cry at work or I cry at home--because the stress of this job has become unbearable.

I wish--I desperately wish--I could convey to you the seriousness of Covid. I think so much of the world has already decided to move on from it because they're so tired of having to deal with it and, quite simply, are ready to return to normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore and when--or if--we'll ever be able to return to it. And that has caused me a fair amount of stress and anxiety in and of itself. I miss traveling so much and I don't know when I'll be able to do it again. I haven't seen one of my best friends since the fall of 2018 for this reason, which kills me.

I've seen so much death. Transferred so many patients to the PCU and ICU. Frantically chased patients' oxygen saturation, trying to keep them from circling the drain. Being responsible for six or seven human lives at one time is a stress you cannot fathom unless you have done it yourself. I have cried with a patient, a young woman, who had lost her husband to Covid only hours before in the ER, a young woman who was now faced with battling Covid herself but also planning the funeral of her high school sweetheart from her hospital bed. I have wheeled a patient to the ICU so that he could say one final goodbye to his wife--married for over 50 years--before they pulled the plug and removed her from the ventilator. I have raced down the hallway with my patient on BIPAP, pushing his bed to the ICU and praying that he doesn't stop breathing on the way there. I've had to console crying family members over the phone who are worried about their loved ones, not to mention my crying coworkers who are as overwhelmed as I am. These are just a handful of experiences from the past month alone. There are so many more.

The discomfort of my job has become secondary. I expect, now, to be wearing an N95 for a full twelve or thirteen-hour shift because there isn't time to take it off. Not having a chance to pee or go to the bathroom during that time. Not drinking any water until I'm in my car and taking off my mask and finally taking a deep breath.

On a more personal note, I am continuing to lose weight and it's so discouraging. In high school I used to wear a size 2 or 4. Now, depending on the brand, I wear a double 00. My hair is falling out because of my stress. I haven't slept during the night in... I don't even know how long. I'm constantly tired. Exhaustion hits me like a great tidal wave and I am powerless to stop it. I expect now to crash during the middle of the day on my couch, only to wake up at 11pm and be wide awake for the rest of the night, and, if not wide awake, then in an out of nightmares and sleep paralysis. I have thought about leaving my job, but the idea of job hunting during a pandemic, and while I'm in school... it just makes me feel even more stressed.

I need a break, but it feels like there's nowhere to go to escape. I fantasize about some great adventure, going somewhere I've never been, but I also really miss my family and I'm scared to go home to visit.

This post doesn't really have a conclusive ending. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Any prayers/thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 5

finally!! so sorry its been an age to anyone still here but lives been interesting atm so....  also this really feels a bit rambley and the ending is deff underdeveloped but I just kind of wanted this done tbh x 

[previous part] [part 1] 

warnings:  hospitals - ICU, ventilation that sort of stuff, just a lot of ANGST post a difficult birth - please don't read if this could be upsetting for you, and my inbox is always open if u wanna chat :) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a complete 360 degree flip from earlier that day, after leaving the hospital Tom had become obsessively attached to Aurora. They’d got back to his parents place in Tom’s car; Aurora in the carseat Y/n and Tom had ready in their car door for her arrival. Clearly his parents had already pre-warned his brothers, who had thankfully already gone over to Tom and Y/n’s - collecting the Moses basket amongst other items Harry had been listed off from his mother. 

Apart from explaining a little behind her name to his parents on the journey back, Tom had spoken very little, choosing to keep himself to himself - physically stationing himself beside the Moses basket the whole time. Of course, there had been a bit of light conversation and almost procedural passing round of Aurora between all her uncles and grandparents, which Tom had kept a wether eye on - but ultimately not engaged. 

He also knew that physically his body was failing him. Although eating a little of the lasagne Sam had made for everyone, he could only stomach a minuscule amount, which did little to boost his energy levels. It felt as though sleeping was the enemy, because he was neither ready to leap into the car if the phone went; or to hear the smallest sound from the wicker basket, suggesting something was wrong. So as much as he tried to fight it, before even nine o’clock he began to dose off on the familiar couch of his parents sitting room - occasionally jerking himself awake before loosing the fight once again.

Nikki had tried to gently push him to take a break in the spare bedroom, which had been Tom’s before he’d moved out, but was unsuccessful - every time he retaliated with a stern shake of his head, while checking his phone just in case he’d missed a notification. Eventually Nikki relented, later in the evening both her and Dom retiring to bed; once Sam had agreed to stick around downstairs till a bit later - as a chef he worked till late in the nights, so even on his days off like today, his sleep schedule was just a little fucked. 

Left alone with his new little niece and now pretty firmly asleep brother, Sam draped a blanket over the latter just in time for Aurora to start fussing in the need of a bottle. His mum had explained how to do everything, how to mix the formula and heat it up, so after scooping up the little wriggling girl in the hope his brother wouldn’t get disturbed, Sam dealt with her. To be honest no matter how clueless and useless he felt, Aurora was just so cute - if a little wrinkly and alien looking, but in a good way. This was the first baby any of them had had, so the first time Sam experienced this instant connection and love for the little being that was his niece or nephew. It was terrifying, lifting the bottle against her lips for the first time, but then it just sort of seemed to work. She was incredibly smart for less than 24 hours old, instantly latching on, like she had done for Haz at the hospital. 

That gave Sam a little confidence in his ability as an uncle, giving himself a satisfied nod while swaying from the kitchen to move back into the living room. It was just a preference to be within reach of Tom… just in case. His poor brother still hadn’t moved, slumped against the corner of the sofa, leaning toward the now empty Moses basket. Normally, Sam seeing his supposed heart throb of a brother looking as rough as he did now - double chin, mouth hanging slightly open, deep sunken eyes - he would’ve taken a photo to blackmail him with. Now though, it was just desperately sad, seeing his brother like this, hand still clutching his phone tightly above the blanket. 

Rather hoping the calm would last for a while, Sam successfully finished off feeding Aurora; winded and then put her down to sleep again just in time. Because, perhaps expectedly, Tom’s phone began to blare off the default iPhone ringtone making Tom jump and throw the device across the room as he awoke with a start. Sam ran to grab it off the floor, mainly with the hope of turning it off before Aurora was awoken too - knowing that it was best tonight to tackle one thing at a time. 

And so he immediately swiped to answer the call, not even registering who the call was from, much rather just wanting the noise to stop. 

“Hello?”

“Sam? It’s Harrison” Tom had jumped up from his seat hovering beside Sam with petrified look. It took barely seconds for Tom to snatch the phone back, launching questions down the receiver. 

“Slow down would you? Y/n is fine I was just phoning to check in.”

“Oh er yeh… um sorry I just… just thought…”

“It’s the other way mate. Nurse says she’s starting to get there cos first she moved her arm a bit when we pinched her shoulder and then I just called because she started to like gag and now the ventilator thing is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I think she’s breathing by herself? Like she’s got an oxygen mask instead of the tubes down her throat.” Clearly Harrison was not, by any means, a medical expert. 

“They said she would have the ventilator for a few days at least.”

“I guess Y/n got bored? To be fair she couldn’t ever sit still.”

“I’m coming to you.”

“Tom it’s nearly midnight, I was supposed to be kicked out at 10. Just come back in the morning, they won’t let you in I’m pretty certain.”

“What if she wakes up!”

“Then they’ll call you! She’s getting better Tom you should be try and relax for like a second.”

“FUCK OFF HAZ! If she wakes up all alone and terrified then-“

“I’m not going to having a screaming match on the phone with you. I think we both know you wanting to come is more for you than for Y/n, because Y/n would want you to be looking after Aurora.”

Again guilt tripping using the newborn. Harsh but effective. Stopping Tom’s anger dead in it’s tracks.

“Look I can put the nurse on for her to tell you they won’t let you in and they’ll call if anything happens - but you already know that.”

“Yeh sorry fine … I know don’t bother.”

“Okay… I’m was gonna head back to my place and I know you’ve probably got your mum begging to fuss over Aurora but if-“

“Can you come?”

“Didn’t need to ask mate.”

And that’s how the night went. Until Harrison arrived at the Holland family home, Tom had spent the time pacing back and forth, blatantly ignoring the pleas of Sam just to sit down. Once he arrived though, going through all the updates in a lot more detail Tom seemed, for the first time, optimistic. By no means could you call him relaxed or happy - but compared to the rollercoaster that had been the last 24 hours, Harrison thought that was more than enough. Aurora had started fussing again at 1 but by the time it had turned into a full blown scream at Tom, Sam already had the bottle ready. It took a little bit of encouragement and promise that Tom would be able to feed her but actually, she instantly latched on, settled in her Dad’s hold while guzzling down the contents of the bottle. 

After a bit of winding she ended up falling asleep on her dads chest, only when he felt himself start to flag did Tom place her back in the basket. Harrison and him ended up crashing on the sofas, Sam retiring to his own room. Phone still tightly clutched in Tom’s grip.

////////////////////

The first thing Y/n became properly aware of was this intense heaviness all over her body. It felt as though her limbs were all composed completely of lead, meaning as much as she was just craving rolling over, it was as though her own body was holding her down. A very alien feeling that unsettled her slightly, trying to shake of the misty feeling in her head to work it all out. It took a while to drag herself out of the depths of sleep, to the point where background noise slowly faded in - an alien beeping as well as distant shuffling making her heart thump with unease. Finally, perhaps most distressingly , her eyes felt glued shut. Not because they were heavy, in the way someone extremely sleep deprived cant keep their eyes open; rather stiff like they hadn’t been used in so long they’d rusted over or something. 

The feeling  was quite horrific and isolating- as though she were locked into her body without an escape in sight. Whilst trying to calm her racing thoughts, Y/n chose to focus completely on the one thing she could do. She could listen. She listened to the beeps, focusing on the type of sound, the way it chimed so regularly; and it’s form. It was familiar, for that she was sure but for now at least she couldn’t place it. 

It felt like an investigation, trying with all her might to try and workout what the fuck was going on. To put it mildly. 

The most useful clue though, a breakthrough if you will, is when a voice sounded - clear and familiar. 

“Excuse me nurse?” It was Nikki. For sure. It was a clue, but didnt seem to make a hell of a lot of sense. Y/n was so focused on why the hell Nikki was apparently watching her sleep unconscious, she completely missed the reference to the nurse. As in hospital. As in Y/n was in hospital. “… I’m just going to swap out for my sons friend.”

“Harrison?” That voice seemed new and unfamiliar.

“Yes, he won’t be a second I’m sure.”

What was Harrison doing here too? 

It was all very confusing and hurt Y/n’s brain to try and unpick. Gradually then, everything sort of melted away, diving back into the darkness.

The next time Y/n woke up things were different. This time she woke up like she would at any time of day. She woke up and her eyes followed suit. Not particularly easily, since as soon as they cracked open she was almost blinded by brilliant white lights, it taking a build up of willpower before she tried it again - bracing for the pain. 

By now she knew something was wrong. She remembered all these patchy and hazy periods. All full of confusion and disorientation but with different voices keeping her at least semi calm. Familiar voices, all too often laced with such emotion. Especially Tom’s. She couldn’t remember what he had said, nor had she probably been able to understand it at the time - what stuck was the tone. The sadness, the hopelessness , the emptiness. 

It was scary. But it made her want to help. Made her want to open her eyes. 

After wincing at the dazzling white surroundings, Y/n blinked her eyes quickly, in an attempt to get them to adjust quicker. She saw an unfamiliar ceiling, one that was tiled in a similar way to her old school canteen. There was a  weird pressure round her mouth, eyes quickly darting down to see edges of a clear mask pressed up against the bridge of her nose. That wasn’t it though, the further she looked the more her eyes panned down this pale blue blanket, following the outline of her legs to the bottom raised edge of the bed. The hospital bed. 

Her hospital bed. 

As much as she wanted to jump up in panic; physically right now that was an impossibility. So instead, Y/n focused on trying to gleam as much information from the situation. It took a hell of a lot of effort, her muscles literally stiff and ridgid with disuse but with a small groan her neck eventually agreed to follow orders. Just a small tilt to the left and suddenly Y/n felt so much more less panicked. Everything was that bit less scary because there was Tom. 

Admittedly he didn’t look amazing, or even not bad. Tom was sat with his back pressed against the side of chair, so his body faced her. Had he not looked so ruined, Y/n would’ve laughed at the side of his face squashed into the back of the seat. But he did look horrific, for lack of a better word. His brown eyes were locked shut, but also looked puffy and red, while dark at the same time - as though he’d been attempting to gouge his own eyes out prior. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, hence why he had appeared to have collapsed in the arm chair. At least though , he wasn’t in a hospital bed himself.

That was Y/n’s pleasure. 

Her next job was to get her neck muscles to pull her head to the other side. It was a slow wincing gesture, yet she was so aware of another presence that needed to be addressed too. But actually it was 3 people.

Right at the back, a nurse sat on a little spinny chair, scribbling something down in a file of papers but to be quite honest that wasn’t were Y/n’s focus zeroed in on. Instead on Harrison who was sat in chair mirroring Tom, except instead of being passed out asleep he was cradling a baby. Her baby. 

Y/n literally felt her heart in her throat at that point, eye widening almost comically. That was her baby - it must be? The monitors all started to loose their regularity as Y/n threw an uncoordinated limb to that side of the bed- already having realised her throat was way too scratchy to try to say anything comprehensible. 

Immediately that got the attention of both the nurse, who immediately leapt up and called for support, as well as Harrison - who looked like he was seeing a ghost. 

“Oh my-Y/n-?” Luckily he kept the baby safe in his arms rather than dropping her in shock, whilst Y/n kept her eyes locked onto the bundle in his arms. Nodding down, she tried to remove the mask (actually just very slightly knocking it to one side) and attempted to ask of the baby. Her throat, being inhumanly dry and scratchy, didn’t really work but Haz still got the message, scoffing in amazement. 

“Aurora… here’s your mummy.” Harrisons voice was quiet and wavering as he delicately held Aurora against Y/n’s collar bone, the babies little tuft of har tickingling her chin. Now Y/n was crying with happiness, looking up at Haz’s icy blue eyes and questioning her name. Harrison confirmed with another disbelieving whisper, whilst the arm that wasn’t still holding Aurora clasped Y/n’s hand with a death grip. “Tom’s choice.”

The mention of him had both of them shift their gaze across the room to Tom’s chair. Even with all the developments, Tom still seemed completely unaware, fast asleep with the side of his face squished against the back of the chair making his lips slightly askew. Y/n were acutely aware of the small congregation of doctors that had accumulated in the corner of the bay but they seemed to be respectfully waiting before they would prod and poke. Haz went to call Tom’s name, before he could though, Y/n squeezed his arm and minutely shook her head. That wasn’t what the blue eyes boy had been expecting, causing Haz to unfold and bring Aurora back up to his chest as he quirked his eyebrows at her.  

She didnt need to be filled in on the situation to know exactly what was happening. She had no idea why she was in the hospital bed; how long it had been since she’d given birth - but she knew all she needed to. From Harrisons unbelievably shocked face; and from the state of Tom - it hadn’t been good. Her fiancé looked almost ghostly, it seemed evident that he needed her. First then, she gestured to Haz for some water, which after a panicked look to the nurse; then from the nurse to various doctors; she was eventually given permission. 

After somewhat alleviating the sandpaper feeling in her throat, Y/n then croakily asked for a bit of privacy. Right now the doctors all were gawking, Harrison assumed it to be because they’d all led him and Tom to believe she wouldn’t wake up for a while- and even then she was supposed to barely be awake, not able to talk and drink or anything of the sort. With an ecstatic nod Harrison, shuffled out - while doing so prompting the medical people to draw the curtains completely shut round the bay.  

Already Y/n had tears welling up in her eyes, purely because she hated seeing him like this. He just looked so broken and shattered which honestly felt worlds worse than the labour she’d gone through. Her whole body still hurt, stiff and achy for reasons yet to be explained to Y/n. None of that mattered though, as she strained her arm out to the side in order to gently reach his knee that was folded up and sticking out awkwardly at an angle. After swallowing one again, Y/n squeezed round the joint and tried to shake it slightly. Instantly the man jumped up in his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly and repeatedly as he tried to adjust to the room. 

Being so sleep deprived and stressed out, Tom’s brain was not working normally, instead with a delayed haze as he apparently skipped over Y/n in the bed, rather surveying the the closed curtains and Harrison’s now empty chair. As he was lifting himself to sit more normally up, uncurling from the armchair, was when he noticed the hand on his knee. Breath caught in his chest, Tom instinctively bit his lip as his eyes gradually traced up the hand, to the forearm, up to the shoulder. It felt like a fever dream, as though all it would take is for him to move and she’d slip away again. But there were her green eyes, gleaming in a way that literally lifted a weight from his shoulders. Her smile was tired and a little confused, but so her - after spending days of just seeing all her features lax, Tom swore that it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Only when Y/n finally croaked out a small ‘hi’ did Tom gain awareness of his body, or rather control of it, enough to leap up and leave over the bed - cradling her face in both his palms. Like a psycho he stared intently, swapping his focus from her left to her right eye like a madman. 

“Your-I-I” He was trying to speak, trying to communicate all the thoughts and regrets of things he wished he’d said to her all at once. Weakly she reached up to fully remove the oxygen mask, dragging It down to below her chin, before squeezing his wrists in comfort. Only then did Tom notice the small puddle that had collected on her cheek, which made him realise he was absolutely bawling. 

“You ‘kay?” Her voice was like sandpaper but everything about her was so completely Y/n and it was just giving Tom this unreal wave of euphoria. Physically incapable of replying, the brunette just scoffed, leaning over the bed even more so he could press his forehead on hers. He was laughing too, the fact she was asking him that seemed so preposterous, given all the tubes and wires attached to her at the moment. It took Y/n squeezing his wrist harder again to make him lean back a little, searching her eyes with his. She seemed so worried; seemed so full of concern - only then did Tom consider quite how much he’d ‘let himself go’ the past couple of days. 

It had been two days since Aurora was born, only 48 hours. But the transformation was mad, none more so than mentally. 48 hours had quite literally changed everything for Tom; changed life forever and himself too. It was showing in his unshaven face, with unwashed  greasy hair, everything just looking ‘tired’.

“‘m just really glad your awake.” It was so honest and sincere it did have Y/n wondering what had happened and for how long. What had she put her fiancé through?

“How long?”

“The worst two and a half days of my life… I got you now though, yeh?” Tom whispered wetly, while stroking the side of her cheek - wiping both his and her tears away.

“Always.”

The doctors and nurses then came in, podding and poking Y/n like no tomorrow while Harrison and Tom stood back a little - excitedly grinning at each other and the sleepy girl Haz was cradling, before Tom stole her off him. There was a momentary sick-to-his-stomach feeling after some of the professionals had cleared, seeing her eyes shut again felt like everything was crashing around him. Thankfully though, one of doctors noticed the look of despair on his face, explaining to the two men that she was just asleep normally. That although sh’ed spent along time unconscious, waking from a medical coma is in itself exhausting. 

After the initial excitement of Y/n waking the next couple of days were pretty samey. She’d been moved down to a normal ward, no longer needed all the incessant bleeping machines but still had to stay in hospital. Tom found it tricky too, he just always felt he needed to be by her side ‘just in case’. In fact, it had been a source of a bit of tension between him and his fiancé - she could see how exhausted he was from looking after Aurora, plus the stress of being in the hospital for hours a day with her. As Y/n got better and more switched on to the state of him, she realised it was inevitable he’d crash at some point.

But after a week and a half in hospital - comprising of a baby, emergency surgery, 3 days on intensive care, followed by 8 on the ward - Y/n was discharged. Nikki and Dom moved in to Y/n and Tom’s place, to provide care support both for Aurora; and Y/n for the rest of her recovery; and secretly Tom for everything he’d been through. 

She was still order on bed rest due to her surgical scars, so Tom and Nikki helped to set her up in the master bedroom as soon as they got in. Of course, everyone was aware of Toms odd mood that day. Until then the only thing he wanted was to get his fiancé back at home with him but now she was over the threshold his excitement and joy appeared to have been zapped out of him. In fact, he’d barely uttered more than a couple sentences. So once Y/n was properly comfortable and Dom had brought Aurora and the cot into the room, Tom’s parents quickly made themselves scarce. 

Tom hadn’t stopped, finding some reason to rummage around in the chest of drawers m while Y/n chewed at her bottom lip, watching him. 

“Tom?” All she got in response was a light hum. “Tom please will you come and sit down for a minute?”

“I just need to-“

“Tom!” Her exclamation finally properly got Tom to listen, jumping round to face her. “Please... please will you just stop for a second?” Y/n’s eyes felt as though they were boring holes in his skull. Really, Tom knew he’d be forced into this at some point because he couldn’t avoid Y/n. She had some power of mind reading over him. So with a defeated nod and sagging shoulders Tom rounded the bed, weaving between his side and Auroras cot - where she was sleeping soundly. 

A silence overcame the room as he heavily planted himself on his side of the bed, mirroring Y/n’s posture leant against the headboard. 

“I think we need to have an honest conversation T.”

“If you want.” Nothing about his reply was the picture of enthusiasm, causing Y/n to hesitate a little. 

“Look I am so beyond grateful for everything you’ve done while I was in hospital... and it doesn’t take a genius to tell you’ve worked yourself half to death-“

“I’m fine-“

“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re trying to protect me but please... will you just talk to me? Honestly?” 

His reply this time wasn’t completely unforeseeable but it still shocked Y/n quite how quickly it happened, especially almost unprovoked. Because that’s all it took for Tom to break, for the past 2 weeks to get their vengance, for all the repressed emotion to escape. 

He was crying- well more accurately sobbing- into his hands, his back quaking. Naturally Y/n reached out to pull him into her side, suppressing the groan of pain as she moved a little too much for her abdomen to handle. “I’m here T. I got you and I’m not going anywhere m‘kay?” 

And that’s how they stayed, for at least 10 minutes, with Tom crying into her shoulder as Y/n rubbed up and down his back. Eventually though, everything did calm down and Tom repositioned himself to lean his head on her shoulder just facing forward and focusing on playing with her fingers, lacing them fingers with his. 

In all the time since she’d woken up, Y/n was yet to broach the subject of their babies name yet. She sensed it was a sensitive topic to say the least, so had thought it best to wait till they were properly alone - not in a ward of 6 strangers where the only privacy came in flimsy blue curtains. 

“So…. Aurora huh? Thought it was too airy-fairy, head-in-the-clouds for you?”  Smiling lightly, both of them were transported back to the pregnancy when they spent hours and hours bickering over names. Aurora had always been Y/n’s favourite but to Tom thought it was more a name for a hippy kid who went around clad in tie dye and bandanas. 

“Still is a bit...but I needed a bit of a miracle and Iceland was in my head. Plus I sort of accidentally word vomited while shouting at Haz, for being nice to me.” Iceland as in when Tom had proposed under the aurora borealis in the freezing sky - when Y/n had agreed, promised even, to be with him forever.

“But you like it?”

“Of course... mother always knows best after all.”

“I think it suits her too. One of your best choices to date, listening to me.” Y/n mused, earning herself a very delicate but still playful elbow in the side before the room drifted back to a much more comfortable silence. 

“We’re gonna get through this you know? Me, you and her, we’re together in this... I’m sorry I wasn’t in the beginning and I’m sorry I hurt you but now? I promise you got me and I’m not going anywhere…” Y/n needed to say it and needed Tom to properly listen. “ ...literally, I still cant walk properly.” Tom chuckled wetly at that, which made Y/n feel a lot better too. 

To be completely honest, Tom was still hurt and he knew it’d take some mending to move past everything. By no means did he blame Y/n in anyway but just the fact he was left alone and abandoned - well, it was the worst time in his life. The way Y/n understood that and had apologised to him - if completely unnecessarily- meant everything. Meant she would help him to heal... whilst he helped her too. 

“Can we just go to sleep? I need to wake up beside you in our bed not at tiny hospital one.” It was only 3 in the afternoon but because of Y/n’s medicine she was constantly drowsy and Tom? Tom was still in this permanent state of exhaustion. So it wasn’t so much of a weird request as it was on the face of it. With a nod, Y/n shuffled down on the bed a bit more resting her head against the top of Tom’s. It was exactly what they both needed, just a bit of peace with each other. 

That lasted all of 5 minutes before Aurora woke and started to scream. 

Life had most definitely changed. Especially for Tom. Because even though he was he was mentally and physically exhausted,  he only appreciated his daughters screams whole heartedly... because Y/n was there groaning with a tired smile too. They were in this together. 

~~~~

 I really hope the ending didnt disappoint too much, im aware its rushed as hell, but thank you for getting this far! And I hope maybe this series has done a teeny tiny bit to normalise not everything in pregnancy and child birth being perfect - that there is morbidity and mortality associated. Obviously this is all fictional (esp the amazingly quick recovery and lack of neurological/other impairments) and not medically accurate in the slightest !!

my inbox is always open :) t x

Tagging : @whitewolf51 

[deniigi]

To carry on the MCU Peter anon: would you ever write a multiverse / blend where your Peter meets a more MCU Peter (actual MCU Peter not the fanon created one)? And/or initimable Peter meeting another version you’ve created?

Also, would you ever write a MJ (my beloved) POV fic?

Hey boo

So Question 1: I did a little piece with a MCU/Inimitable crossover here

It’s not quite the same, since it’s from the pov of MCU Peter.

The idea of young Inimitable Peter meeting someone who he could have so easily been if he’d not gotten involved with Team Red and had instead stuck closer to Stark would be an interesting thought, I must say. Not so interesting that I’d write it, but I’d def have half a drink and then a muse on the idea and how it would unfold.

For MJ, I have written some stuff from her POV! ( See just roll with it from the Dumpster Fires Verse)

I also wrote a terrifying piece a long ass time about about some non-NYC vigilantes trying to step in and overthrow the vigilante/Superpeople order of things by trying to goad Peter, Matt, Wade, etc into a fight. MJ narrates it and it’s sort of dark so I’m putting it under the cut here.

trigger warnings for violence (like Netflix DD and Punisher levels), violence against minors at school, and some pretty heavy injuries.

-------

“Michelle?” a voice she’d never heard in her life rasped into the classroom door. The smell of iron and smoke and god, blood—that was blood she was smelling—it was all suffocating.

“Michelle, honey, c’mon, sweetheart. We ain’t got time for being scared right now,” the voice said.

She’d never thought that she’d have to consider the fact that those were boots coming towards her, not sneakers, not shoes.

The butt of a rifle swung down into her view. Joined the boots right in front of her. Bones popped as the Punisher knelt down.

She knew him by the skull on his vest.

She knew him as a monster. Not a hero.

He held out a hand to her.

“I got you, baby girl,” he promised, “Ain’t no one gonna touch you.”

His hands were smeared in some kind of grease. Gun oil? Soot? It didn’t matter. He stayed crouching low. He didn’t wear a mask.

His nose was kind of crooked. And his eyes were deep set.

They were brown.

He said nothing, just held out his big, greasy hand.

She took it.

 --

 The Punisher’s grip was calloused and firm and he kept her behind him at all times. He was even bigger than she’d ever imagined; bigger than Mr. Murdock. Bigger than her dad. Maybe the around the same size and build as Wade.

He didn’t explain things; he used his hands to talk.

Stay behind me, said the press of his rough palm. Don’t let go, stay behind me.

Out front, the fingers said later, now curled over the tops of her own. Walk, walk fast. Out front.

Stay behind.

Out font.

Down.

He made her kneel with him and peeled off his vest. He didn’t give her a choice.

It was heavy. So heavy. He strapped it onto her as tight as it would go.

“Home stretch, darlin’,” he finally said with words, the noise of bullets and panic around them seemed quieter with him talking. She found that she didn’t want to leave him. “You go when I say, alright? You go when I say and you don’t look back, alright?”

No.

No, he would die if she left. He needed to wear the vest.

“Look at me, Michelle.” She did, through the tears. “You don’t look back.”

She nodded.

 --

 He said go.

She didn’t look back.

Not until Mr. Murdock was pulling her away, shouting at the top of his voice for an ambulance. She’d never heard that gravel in his tone before.

“Michelle, look at me,” Mr. Murdock told her, grabbing her cheeks and pulling her gaze away from the classroom where the Punisher was dying.

“Look at me, honey, look.”

There wasn’t much to look at, she couldn’t see his eyes through his mask.

“Are you hurt? Where are you hurt? Show me where you’re hurt.”

It didn’t matter, she couldn’t feel it anymore. The Punisher was dying in there, he needed his vest.

“Frank’s fine,” Mr. Murdock told her. He pulled her head back to face him, but he wasn’t looking at her at all. It was like he was looking down at the space between them. One of her hands felt warm on top, cold at the fingers. It didn’t want to cooperate as she pulled at the vest. “He’s fine, he’s gonna be fine. Fuck. Fuck. Put your arms around my neck, honey, c’mon. There you go, good girl. Alright, up you go. No, one more time. There you go, I got you. It’s okay, I got you.”

Mr. Murdock was stronger than he looked and he didn’t seem to mind that the vest was digging into his chest. His voice didn’t seem as loud, even though her head was right next to his throat.

She couldn’t tell if he was talking to her anymore.

 --

 She woke up.

There was white and blue and gray everywhere.

Her mom was burgundy. Her sweater was. Then she was tears, tears pouring out of her eyes, down over her lips. Her eyes weren’t burgundy, they were neon. Neon pink.

 --

 Her mom held her hand while the doctors explained to her that she’d have a lot of scarring, but she would be okay. She’d need some physical therapy to make the wrist do what it was supposed to again, but the bullet hadn’t caused irreparable damage.

The same for the wound in her ankle.

She’d be okay.

So why did she want to cry so bad?

 --

 She remembered why.

 --

 Peter was okay. He was in the room one over, attached to a lot of machines, but he was okay. His face wasn’t as clean as hers, the doctors and nurses hadn’t had the same kind of time to wash him down, they’d been busy trying to save his life.

His aunt had stepped out to go get things to wash his face for him. She was still wearing her scrubs. She worked in the ICU upstairs.

 --

 Ned was okay, he had a row of stitches from the bump in his wrist to his elbow. He told her tiredly that once he turned eighteen, he’d get a tattoo to cover the mark. Maybe laces, like sneaker, he told her.

Maybe stitches again, to remind himself what he’d almost lost.

 --

 Flash was okay. Abe was okay. Melanie and Gabriella were okay.

They were all okay.

Including the Punisher.

 --

 He came to see her in the hospital, he’d swiped a staff ID to do it. She thought that that was maybe overkill, but this was the man who’d offered his life for hers.

He was startled and went wide-eyed and stiff when she threw her arms around his broad chest and started crying. But he loosened up and told her that she shouldn’t be putting weight on her ankle. He let her hug him sitting on the bed instead.

He didn’t say things were okay like the others did. He grabbed her chin and shook it a little and said, “You’re fucking brave, girl. You’re so fucking brave.”

She didn’t believe him.

She’d just gone and hadn’t looked back.

“Sweetheart, there are times when you think, and times when you move. And both of them are different kinds of bravery,” he told her.

Different kinds of bravery.

“Do you mean courage?” she asked him.

He cocked his head. He had stitches of his own at the top of his cheekbone. Bruises from his temple to his chin.

“No, courage, that’s something else,” he said, “I’m talking about bravery.”

She didn’t understand. He said that he didn’t have a better way of explaining it. He smoothed her hair back and said that he was glad that she was alive and that she was going to get better.

He’d been the one who’d carried Peter out. He’d had to send her out first because he couldn’t carry both of them.

Mr. Murdock’s voice was raw and hoarse because he’d come running from the fire in the classroom next door and he’d been trying to find Peter. He was the only one who could hear Frank Castle through the fire and the bullets and the creak of the burning building. And Mr. Castle had told him that he couldn’t take both Peter and Michelle.

She remembered now.

Mr. Castle had been talking to himself the whole time they’d been running and hiding through that building. He’d been talking to himself, but he’d really been talking to Mr. Murdock who was trying to find a way in and a way out that wouldn’t get him killed.

There hadn’t been one, there were too many guns. The second she’d started running, Frank Castle had whistled, hard and loud and piercing and all the guns had turned on him.

She didn’t look back.

She thought that he hadn’t either.

“Thank you for saving us,” she told him.

He shook his head.

“Red’s your man, he called me screaming. Man never calls nobody in that tone of voice. You’d have thought y’all were his babies dying in there.”

Okay.

Okay, so was Mr. Murdock okay?

“Nah, girl. I don’t think he is. But I think he’ll get there.”

 --

 Mr. Murdock pretended like he was okay, but the way he wrapped his arms around both Michelle and Peter when they came to his office said that he was very much not. It wasn’t an awkward hug, even though there were two of them.

It was firm.

It was tight.

And Peter started crying and it was hard, really really hard not to join him.

Mr. Murdock let them go and pressed his forehead to Peter’s and said nothing. He just held Peter’s shoulder with one hand and smoothed a hand through his hair with the other. Peter wasn’t making words so much as he was making distressed sounds, but Matt understood him.

“He’s alright, Pete,” he said. “He’s alright.”

Who?

 --

 Wade was fine, somehow. There wasn’t a bullet hole in him. There wasn��t a scratch on him, he claimed, trying to smile and make Peter stop sobbing his heart out.

Matt told him that he wasn’t fucking helping and to just be fucking honest for once in his goddamn life.

Matt’s hands shook a little at his sides. His cuticles were still stained gray from the soot.

Wade looked from him to Peter a little helplessly and then at Michelle and he sobered. He held out an arm for her to come closer.

He was big, too. His ribs felt different from Mr. Castle’s.

“Where’s Ned?” he asked, pressing a hand on the back of Peter’s head to encourage him to direct his upset into his chest.

Ned was at home. Ned’s mom and dad were too upset to let him out of their sight for now.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Wade said. He didn’t hug her as tight as Matt had, he more laid a heavy arm across her shoulders and pulled a bit.

 --

 They weren’t allowed to go back to school. The whole campus was closed, there’d been significant damage to the south side and there were too many photos and crime scenes that needed to be documented.

Peter’s wounds were already mostly healed, while hers ached and burned with every movement.

He apologized for not getting to the room she’d been in faster.

That was some dumbass shit, that was.

“Who did it?” she asked him.

Peter set his jaw.

“We don’t know. Wade and Mr. Castle said they’re finding out. They aren’t letting me or Matt in on it.”

What did that mean?

“I think it means that it’s something bigger than us.”

And what did that mean?

“Uh, maybe bigger isn’t the right word. Lower.”

Lower. Like?

“Someone underground. Deeper in than me and Double D. We’re—we’re mostly surface level. Wade and Mr. Castle, they’re deep under there.”

“Were they trying to kill you, Peter?” she asked him.

He took a long shaky breath.

“I really hope not.”

 ---

 They weren’t trying to kill Peter, Mr. Murdock eventually told them, having had them come to his home for this news. He had them sit on his faux leather couch as he said this.

He was trying to say something without words, Michelle thought.

She thought she was reading it right.

It was personal. This was personal.

“Were they trying to kill you, Matt?” she asked. He shook his head.

No.

They weren’t trying to kill anyone, they’d been trying to draw them out. As many of them as possible.

“They’re taking stock of us,” Matt said to his fists. His knuckles never seemed to heal. “Making lists. They knew a school would bring everyone out and we fell for it like fucking chumps.”

What did that mean?

“Means there’s something big brewing, and I want nothing to do with it.”

That’s not what his knuckles said.

“Peter,” Matt said, “Whoever they are, they’re going to target you. You’re young, that makes you an easy mark. Do not engage, do you understand?”

Peter understood.

 ---

 Peter was hurt. He was hurt every day over the next few weeks. He had bullet wounds and knife wounds and it got to the point where, even after school reopened, he didn’t come back. It wasn’t suspicious, a lot of kids didn’t. Their parents were still terrified, maybe looking into other academies.

Peter was just sleeping. He had to sleep to heal and he had to heal because the second he set foot out the door there was someone there waiting for him and he couldn’t engage. He just had to take it. Suit or no suit.

MJ would have hit back by now, she was amazed that he hadn’t.

“The second I hit back, they’ll take that as permission,” Peter told her quietly at his desk in his room. May had bandaged his arm for him. She wasn’t concerned about school, she didn’t want Peter to even leave the house.

“Permission to do what?” she asked.

“To engage,” Peter said.

What did that mean, though?

“They’ll kill me.”

He couldn’t know that. He couldn’t—

“They don’t care who I am. It’ll be a message. As soon as I hit back, that makes whatever happens next fair game, so I can’t do anything.”

“Can’t Stark help you?” she asked. He sighed and looked at his bandaged wrist.

“If it gets any worse, he and May said I’ll stay with him for a while. But they’ll just move onto the next guy, and then the next guy, until someone engages. We can’t avoid them forever.”

‘We,’ Peter said. That meant that this was beyond him. This was everyone on that list those guys had shot her, stabbed Ned, scared everyone to make. The list that had set their school on fire.

 ---

It got worse.

Peter didn’t come to school.

He couldn’t breathe very well. He slept even more, but not at home. He slept at Stark Tower, where Tony Stark could guard him, because no one else could at the minute.

 ---

 It got worse because they started picking on Matt.

Matt as Mr. Murdock most certainly would not have engaged, but Matt as Matt was struggling. He was very obviously struggling.

Just sit back and take it, was what he had to do. Unlike Peter, who slept and had somewhere to go when things got too bad, Matt didn’t heal and Matt didn’t have anyone to lean on.

He stopped showing up to work.

Neither Foggy or Karen said anything about it. They carried on with the cases and the work and the filing as if nothing was wrong, as if nothing happened. As if they weren’t both suffocating, trying to carry their friend’s pain with their own.

Michelle went to see him and Foggy told her to be as quiet as she could be.

He slept with a broken arm laid up on his chest. He shivered in his sleep. His knuckles weren’t bruised, but his neck was and he didn’t acknowledge anyone who spoke to him.

There was a woman there with him, she was his sister, MJ remembered her. Elektra was watching him with silent, stoic fury in her eyes. It showed nowhere else on her.

“She’s protecting him,” Foggy explained as he made them all tea. “Well, maybe not protecting, but guarding him so he feels like he can sleep.”

There wasn’t anything to say to that, not when Spiderman and Daredevil could only rest in unconsciousness.

“Why are they doing this?” she asked him. Foggy sighed and set the kettle down.

“Because they’re cruel and they’re jealous and they think that this will get them respect,” he said.

Respect.

Psh.

All it did was make her mad.

“If you show them that you’re angry, Michelle, that’s as good as engaging. We can’t let them know that they’re getting to any of us.”

This was bullshit.

 ---

 Bullshit because Matt went to get groceries and didn’t come home and Wade had to go find him. They wouldn’t let Michelle see him, but she heard his sister screaming. She screamed at anyone who touched him, swore that she’d put the lights out of the next person who tried.

Foggy didn’t stop her.

Matt didn’t say anything.

He didn’t come to work and Foggy kept his office door closed.

Karen told Michelle that Elektra had taken Matt somewhere with her, where he would be safe. He wasn’t in Hell’s Kitchen. Elektra wouldn’t say where they’d gone, but she’d sent Foggy pictures so that he knew Matt was safe.

 ---

 It was bullshit because they were too scared to fuck with Wade or Castle, so instead they attacked Hawkeye the younger and Michelle heard through Wade that Hawkguy had nearly exploded in his anger. He couldn’t do anything, of course he couldn’t, that was how this game worked.

But he’d swapped his easy-going persona for the one he used when he worked with the Black Widow.

Wade said it was eerie to see him so quiet and focused. Locked onto his target.

The people trying to pick a fight, well, they were scared of Hawkeye.

 ---

 Not for long. They went in on both of Hawkeyes at the same time and soon Hawkeye the elder reached breaking point and called in the Widow so that he and his partner could get two minutes of peace. Just two.

 ---

 It was interesting how the second the Widow got involved, everything went topsy turvy.

Michelle had passed by the place where Wade had told her the Widow was standing guard and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

Then she realized that whoever these guys were, they were really, really scared of the Widow.

Not so high and mighty now, huh, boys?

They abandoned the Hawkeyes and went after Jessica Jones.

 ---

 It went on and on like this for two, three, maybe even four weeks. People took as much as they could. They picked themselves up. Some limped into the offices of Nelson, Murdock and Page. Some limped, watched carefully by people, in the street.

They were stopped at all hours by guys in plain clothes who struck out without warning. Threw fists. Feet. Spat on people. And instead of fighting back, local bodies threw them off and ran away. Avoided confrontation. Put walls and doors and fences between themselves and the others as much as they could.

It was, in a way, amazing.

The level of restraint was super human.

 ---

 Then the new kids got cocky and shoved the Winter Soldier.

They were in for a lesson.

Michelle saw the conflict on the news. Five guys throwing themselves at Bucky Barnes, who was trying to buy a bottle of whiskey in peace.

He ignored them, counted out exact change.

He walked right through their group on the way out the door and they parted around him, then followed him out of the convenience store.

Camera phone footage showed him walking home, being heckled by these creeps. A few blocks, presumably, from his home he stopped walking and the gang of people drew in close around him.

And then they all leapt back.

The Winter Soldier wasn’t taking their shit, he’d apparently decided. Loud enough to be heard from the cameraman’s place across the street, he shouted, “Y’all have one more chance to get the fuck out of my way.”

Let no one say he didn’t warn them.

They went down hard and they went down fast and they all went down within a minute of each other.

Bucky Barnes held a guy by his throat and told them to call their motherfucking leader, he wanted to have a chat.

It was the beginning of the end.

 ---

 Do not engage went right out the window and MJ woke up to her phone sending her six thousand alerts not to take such-and-such road or to approach such-and-such area.

The news showed her Peter slamming his fist into a man’s face like he was born to do it.

The Man in the Mask was out in broad daylight, stalking towards those people who were suddenly trying to escape him. He picked them up and dropped them without so much as breaking the rhythm of his pace.

Ironman beat the shit out of twelve people in the company courtyard.

Hawkeye had switched his bow for a rifle.

The general advice from all city personnel was to stay the fuck inside.

This was war.

 ---

 And then it was over.

And everything was cleaned up and bodies were carted off if they were found.

Peter arrived to school.

Matt reappeared in his office.

They carried on like nothing had happened. But there was something about the aftermath of silence that made the day of brutality so much more violent.

Neither of them were smiling. They were cold, thawing slowly.

Michelle thought of all the things they weren’t saying.

She thought she heard their combined bodies whisper, this is my city. This is our city. Get with it or go the fuck home.

She didn’t know if it made her feel better, but it certainly made her feel safe.

 --------

[staarshines]

adhjdjs yesss!! very happy that i found smone else writing for karev haha. could you do number 6 from the frozen prompts with him :’))

Surprises, Surprises, & More Surprises || A.K.

Warnings: None!

Word Count: 1.6k

After a sleepless night, Alex decides you’ve had enough and pulls off a surprise for you, which surprisingly leads to feelings being revealed.

[A/N]: I’m only on season 14 of Grey’s, so if you want to send me a request with a specific scene that happens in the show, please make sure it’s not a spoiler!

Disney Prompts | Nat’s 500

“Hey, wake up.” Your head snaps up and you blink a couple of times, finding yourself standing over a nurse’s station desk. Groaning, you rub your eyes, checking the time and finding that you hadn’t even been asleep for one full minute. “You okay?” You turn to Alex, finding him with raised eyebrows and a concerned look on his face.

“I’m fine,” you yawn, pressing the save button on your file and placing the tablet that you had been working on before you fell asleep on a charger stand.

“You were literally asleep standing up. We have on-call rooms for a reason.”

“The mattresses in there are shit. I still gotta pester Webber to replace those,” you mutter, sighing.

“Were you up studying for a surgery or something?” You shake your head, running a tired hand through your hair to tame it as best you could.

“Meredith and Derek were at it all night. I should’ve known to not take the room under hers intern year,” you state solemnly, sticking out your tongue playfully when Alex laughs at you.

“I told you that you can come sleep with me if that ever happens.”

“What a very tempting offer, Karev, but I’m just not interested. Must be hard for you to face rejection?” you tell him sarcastically, flipping your hair exaggeratedly. 

Honestly? That was the furthest one could get from the truth. You’d had a crush on him since intern year, and you knew you loved him the second year of residency. Those feelings had failed to dissipate, and they haunted you every day. Watching him get with Izzie, then Olivia, next came Addison, then Rebecca, Callie, Lexie; the point is evident. He’d gotten with all of them, but he couldn’t see that the person who’d loved him for years was right in front of his face.

“Oh, shut up. But really. I don’t want you falling asleep on the job when you can just get a good night’s sleep next to me.” For some reason, his last sentence makes butterflies go crazy in your stomach, which is probably the millionth time that’s happened. You wished there was something under those words, you really did, but you’d come to terms with the fact that he didn’t like you a while ago.

“I’m not falling asleep!”

“Oh, please. You were literally asleep standing up.”

“I was resting my eyes,” you defend yourself. “I was just giving my spine a break from supporting my head for a bit.” 

“Yeah, right,” he chuckles, making you push his shoulder.

“I actually went up to your room. You were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you, though,” you lie with a straight face. 

You had gone up to his room and even sat down on the edge of the bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. Not stressed or snappy like he’d be on most days, but genuinely peaceful. Eventually, you’d left because you knew you’d get more sleep in your own room than Alex’s; you’d just be staring at him the entire night. 

God, you really could never get enough of that face.

“We both know damn well that I’m a heavy sleeper. Just don’t steal the duvet, yeah?” You laugh with a nod. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What’s this, the fourth time this has happened?”

“Sixth,” you correct with another yawn. “Or seventh. I honestly don’t know.” He tilts his head, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. “Whatcha thinking, evil spawn?”

“That’s Cristina’s thing. And I’m thinking…” he trails off, prompting you to raise your eyebrows and wave a hand in front of his face. “You know what? I have a surprise for you. You get off at nine today, right?”

“I do, but why? What’s the surprise?” you question, genuinely intrigued as to what he was gonna pull off. 

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?” You pout, watching him wink at you and walk off. “I’ll pick you up at the ER entrance once you’re done!” he calls out to you. You nod and realize there’s a patient you need to get to, but you’re deep in your thoughts as you walk the hallway to the Cardiac ICU.

What the hell was he gonna pull off?

“Put this on.” Alex hands you a blindfold and you look at him with a disbelieving expression, slapping it out of his hand and raising an eyebrow.

“I should’ve known there was something wrong when you sent me that text to meet you in your car,” you laugh, watching him huff.

“If you don’t put on the blindfold, then the surprise is gonna be ruined. You’re gonna know as soon as we pull into the damn lot, so just put it on?” You give him a weary look and pick it up from where you slapped it onto the dash of his car, slowly wrapping it around your head. Hearing him start the car, you sigh and bite your lip.

“I swear, if you’re playing some kind of joke, I’ll land you in the E.R., and not even by accident.” He chuckles before reversing the car and driving out of Grey-Sloan’s parking lot.

“Can I take this thing off now?” you whine, holding his hands and steadily walking—well, you don’t really know where. He’d just led you up a flight of stairs, so you’re pretty sure you’re walking down a hallway now.

“Just a couple more steps and we’ll be there,” he mutters, holding both of your hands and guiding you—again, you don’t have a clue where. “All right, stop. I gotta open this door.” You can hear keys jangle and you’re even more confused. “Okay, come on.” He leads you into the room, presumably, and puts his hands on the back of your blindfold, untying it. “Voilà!”

You flinch at the sudden change of light, putting a hand over your eyes and slowly blinking until you can open your eyes without any pain. An apartment—maybe a loft?—meets your gaze, and your jaw drops at how beautiful it is. Perfectly catered to your and Alex’s tastes, almost of like he had it custom-made.

“This—Holy shit. This is beautiful. What—How? Wait, why’d you bring me here?” You turn around to find him with a proud grin on his face, and you can read everything just from that. “This is ours?”

“Remember when we went apartment hunting because you started having the same problem with Derek and Mer and we came across that really musty loft that you said you wouldn’t move into in a million years?” He waves around, and your eyes widen.

“That’s this?” You walk slowly further into the loft, still awed by how much it had changed. What once used to look like a place where druggies would go to hang out now looked like a dream apartment. “How the hell did you manage this?”

“Well,” he walks up right next to you, admiring the loft, “you know I don’t like being told I can’t do something.”

“You did this? By yourself?” The surprises keep coming and coming, and you’re pretty sure your jaw is permanently unhinged because of how wide your mouth is open in shock. He nods proudly, putting his hands on his hips. “Let me get this straight. You renovated this by yourself?”

“Not too bad, huh?” You scoff disbelievingly, still not believing what you were seeing. “What? Do you not like it?”

“Are you serious? ‘Not too bad’?”

“We can find a different—”

“No! God, you can be such an idiot at times,” you laugh, pulling him into a hug. “It’s perfect.” He pushes you back by your shoulders but so much so that your arms are still around his torso, eyes darting all over your face to see if you’re kidding.

“You really like it?” You fight back a grin—and fail—at how cute he can be at times, nodding your head eagerly.

“I love it! I could kiss you! I could. I mean, I’d like to. I. May I? We me? I mean, may we? Wait, what?” The gravity of what you just said slaps you right in the face, and you remove your hands from his figure and start to let your mind race for an excuse. “I didn’t mean to say that—”

“You want to kiss me?” he asks in a soft whisper with the smallest smile on his face. You get lost in how awed he looks, nodding slightly.

“I’ve wanted to. Since intern year…” you trail off, thinking it won’t hurt if you tell him a bit more. You’ve already caused enough damage.

You realize it’s definitely not damage when his lips come crashing down into yours and he pulls you into him, hands gently cupping your face.

It’s not a soft kiss, but it’s not a rough kiss, either. It’s a kiss that’s full of longing, emotions, and “I’ve wanted to do this for so long”. You’re so in shock that you don’t actually register when he pulls away, so your eyes stay closed for a couple seconds longer than they should. When you open them, you’re taken aback again by all the adoration swimming in his eyes. Your eyes are having their own conversation with his, silently telling each other everything you two couldn’t communicate verbally.

“You like me?” You’re almost sorry his words break the nearly magical moment, giving him a light slap upside the head.

“No, I just kissed you for the hell of it. Of course I like you, dumbass!”

“And you’ve liked me since intern year.” Even the insufferable grin on his face isn’t enough to make you regret kissing him, which is a first.

“Oh, shut up about it and kiss me again.”

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme, @criminal-cookies, @theladyoffangorn, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @talk-geek-to-me, @letsmellowjello, @thescarletknight2014, @wemisshim3000, @arabellathorne, @brooklynsmorales, @marvel-dameron

Grey’s Anatomy: @arkofblake, @asianravenpuff

[robinofinashiro]

“dear lord when i get to heaven / please let me bring my man / when he comes / tell me that you’ll let him in / father tell me if you can / 

request status: OPEN

pairing: mirai sasaki (sir nighteye) x fem! reader

note: send more MHA reqs. i’m having a mha hyperfixation and i can’t seem to get out of it !! plus for obvious reasons, no s4 spoilers bc i’m a good person who doesn’t want to spoil shit for anyone. 

“uh, Nighteye?” Mirio asked, staring at the front door, shocked, “sir?” he asked again. 

neither Sir Nighteye or Bubble Girl were paying attention to see the face on the high school students face. Mirio didn’t want know whether to interrupt their conversation or keep staring at who just came into the building but eventually, he called for Bubble Girl who finally looked up. 

“do you see what I’m seeing or am I just seeing things?” Bubble Girl said before kicking the side of Nighteye’s leg, “sir, look at who just walked into the building!” she whispered to him. 

finally, Nighteye looked up, feeling his heart come to a halt. you walked into Nighteye’s agency with a flock of fans following behind you as your manager talked to the front desk manager. 

“what is the fourth ranking pro hero doing here?” Mirio asked both Bubble Girl and Nighteye, “yeah Sir, what is she doing here?” Bubble Girl repeated. the two of them could see how Nighteye had yet to say anything but continued to stare at you. 

you were talking with the front desk manager who was blushing when you spoke to her. your smile was very contagious, it was hard not to fall in love with it when you were in close proximity with someone and his receptionist was no exception to that. 

Nighteye walked back to his office as quickly as possible as Mirio and Bubble Girl remained in place. it took a few minutes until Bubble Girl realized something. 

years back, when Nighteye first took her in, she had gotten him to spill a bit of his personal life to her. he had mentioned that he had once fallen in love with someone but due to personal reasons, it didn’t work out. his ex girlfriend had went her separate way around the time that Nighteye had became All Might’s sidekick. 

she had put together a few things that made her suspicious of Nighteye when it came to you. whenever there was a report and you came on screen, he seemed to have turned the TV volume up or shut it off completely. other times, he would see his eye linger on a magazine or newspaper cover when you were on it. 

the biggest indication of this as she now started to put the dots together was the few books or magazine covers he had of you that were hidden behind all the All Might merchandise. 

it was impossible to not who you were. you were ranked fourth in the Japanese charts and were constantly modeling for magazine covers or fashion lines. you were pretty well liked hero, coming up to the popularity standards of Hawks and Mirko. 

“that’s Sir’s ex girlfriend,” she whispered to Mirio. he gave her a confused look, not knowing whether to believe her or not, “how would you know?” he asked back, trying not to catch your attention. 

she quickly explained her theory to Mirio who in turn shook his head, firmly believing what she was saying. the two of them looked at each other before rushing over to the front desk and smiling at you, smiling the hardest they had ever smiled before. 

“hi, we’re Nighteye’s intern and sidekick, how can we welcome the illustrious fourth ranked hero to his agency?” Bubble Girl quickly said. you turned to them and stared for a moment, “nice to meet you Bubble Girl and?” you asked, turning to Mirio. 

“MIRIO!” he practically yelled, “MIRIO TOGATA OR RATHER LEMILLION!” he continued. you couldn’t help but laugh at his over enthusiastic talking, “we’re huge fans!!”

“that means a lot Mirio, say, would you happen to know if your boss is available?” you asked the two before seeing the man himself, walking out of his office. 

Nighteye saw his two employee’s talking to you as you talked to them without much hesitation or hurry. he gulped nervously before slowly walking towards Bubble Girl and Mirio. his hands were sweating and he couldn’t stop fixing his polka dotted tie. 

“Bubble Girl, Lemillion, you can take your lunch,” he told the two. both of them looked at Nighteye before shaking their heads, “no can do, Sir Nighteye. you told us yourself, we head to our breaks at precisely noon,” Mirio reminded him, “now, both of you,” he said a bit more sternly. 

“goodbye Mirio!! here’s my card if you ever want to talk heroics or you know, if Nighteye doesn’t treat you well,” you joked with a wink. he nodded, taking the card and thanking you profusely before Bubble Girl grabbed him by the shirt and dragging him away. 

the two of you stared at each other, you suddenly feeling a bit of tears threatening to spring into your eyes as you stared at your old lover. 

“took me long enough to find your agency,” you finally said with a chuckle. he remained silent, “so you’re going to stand there and not say anything to me?” you whispered to Nighteye. 

the receptionist who was trying not to eavesdrop wanted to yell at Nighteye for not saying anything but in reality, his eyes said everything. he had no idea if it was his brain playing tricks or the air that was blowing in his building but your hair was flowing like it would be in a movie and your smile just didn’t let him say anything. 

“what are you doing here?” he finally said, “what, I couldn’t drop by and tell my favorite hero hello?” you asked with your eyebrow raised. 

he shook his head no, “that’s not what i’m saying. what i’m saying is why did you drop by? did you want to talk negotiations on something?” he asked, “because we can step into a conference room with our sidekicks?” he added on. 

you gave him a look, “Mirai, I think you know why I’m here,” you whispered to him as he saw your tears wanting to spill again. he shook his head, grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you over to his office, quickly locking the door. 

one look into his eyes had you crying into his shoulder as he held you. the stoic man could almost hear the hurt in your sobs as you tried to speak but your cries made it hard to comprehend what you were saying. 

+ 

Nighteye was patrolling the area of town that wasn’t very criminally active. he passed a store that had TV’s by the window, showing whatever it was playing to the civilians who passed by. 

upon first glance, he thought nothing of it but came to a halt when he saw the reports of an incident that was happening a two towns over with top ranked heroes and villains. the report stating that several heroes were down and severally injured. 

he immediately retracted, trying to hear the names of the heroes. his heart steadied hearing names of heroes he didn’t know or was close with but that thought was immediately put away when he heard your pro hero name. 

“( pro her name ) is to be amongst some of the heroes who was saved in the first round of rescue. ( pro hero name ) is the fourth ranked pro hero, her quirk a specialty to these types of scenarios. known for her charismatic and extroverted hero personality, we can only hope she recovers quickly and if possible, makes a come back to the hero scene.” 

Mirai stared at the screen, watching the news channel play highlights of your rescues and a slideshow with a few modeling gigs you had done. he knew you weren’t dead and he had no idea why the news cast was making it seems as if you were but he instantly ran down to his agency, a million thoughts running through his head. 

as soon as he arrived, he turned the TV on again, telling Bubble Girl to head home and pulled out his phone. he quickly dialed your agency, hoping they would answer his call but he was sent to a busy signal. after a few failed attempts, he thought of the next thing, actually visiting you. 

grabbing his keys, he ran to his car, hoping he didn’t get stuck in traffic and luckily, fate was on his side that day because he made it to the hospital that was reported to be where you were at. he knew that because he was a hero, they could probably break the rules a bit to let him in. 

“i’m here to see ( your name ),” he asked the front desk receptionist. her eyes fluttered in confusion, “are you her boyfriend, husband? we can’t let you in if you’re not related to her,” the receptionist replied. 

Mirai glared at her as he muttered that you were his ex girlfriend. the receptionist sighed before signing his name on a sticky with the relation tag being husband signed to it, “I could get into trouble for this but she’s in ICU ward. I don’t think anyone is in there so you’re free to visit,” she replied, giving Mirai the sticky. 

he knew he was too worried to be waiting for the elevator so he sprinted up the stairs, bumping into nurses and doctors, not caring if he hit anyone or not. as soon as he arrived to the room with your real last name on the whiteboard, he saw that the only person in the room was your assigned doctor. 

“how is she?” he practically yelled. the doctor jumped up a bit in fear. he read the sticky with his name and relation to you before nodding, “50/50. if she makes it out alive, she will never return to hero work. her injuries are too severe to ever come back from it. if she doesn’t, well i think you know where we go from there. i can leave you alone with your wife if you’d like?” he asked but came out as more of a statement. 

Mirai thanked him as the doctor shut the door and left him alone with you. he walked towards you, seeing your coma-induced body on the bed, seemingly lifeless to anyone who didn’t know your status. he had no idea when he started crying but eventually, he was sobbing over your body, saying incoherent things through tears. 

“i know i swore to you that i would never use my foresight on you and i’ll keep that promise as long as you promise to make it out alive. if i have to come back to hear that you're on your death bed, i will use it and that will be a future i will be determined to change.” 

you didn’t move as he watched the machine that roared with the status of your heart beat. he remained in the room for a while before seeing the doctor come in again, “we can call you if she wakes up,” the doctor informed him. Mirai sighed, “don’t,” he replied, not giving the doctor enough time to reply. 

knowing that he was better off trying to hide away from the crowd that was forming at the front of the hospital with your fans, he asked a doctor if he could the employee entrance to leave. 

he decided to head home, knowing that he wouldn’t get any work done if he had returned. on his way him, his finger tapped the wheel in anxiety. all he wanted to do was get home and hope that he would hear on the news that you were finally awake and in recovery. 

as he got home, he walked in, kicking his shoes off and going to his room. he went into his closet, pulling out a very old box that he hadn’t thought of in years. it was a box filled with photos of you and him. 

the photos were of a bunch of different dates or events. they were mostly taken by you but a few were from top free lance journalist, Taneo Tokuda. yeah, Mirai felt weird holding onto the photos but he couldn’t depart from them. in the back of his mind, he felt as though that break up wasn’t actually a break up. it felt more like a LONG break. 

in his hallway, he had a few of your magazine covers framed to make it seem like like a poster. he had put a few other hero around you to not make it weird but he every morning when he got up, he stared at the photos. you looked flawless in them. 

after he reminisced on the photos and covers, he shoved the box back into the closet and laid down, taking his tie off with anger and nervousness. 

a few weeks later, you woke up after being moved from the ICU to the regular hospital wing. you woke up to a blaring headache and your doctors immediately checking on your vision and anything else they couldn’t do while you were asleep. 

after they checked up on everything and made sure you were feeling okay, the few nurses left and you were now alone with your doctor. he looked at you with a small smile. 

“your husband came to visit but oddly, it was only once,” he murmured. you eyebrows fluttered in confusion, “my husband? mind telling me who that is?” you asked, now interested to hear the answer the doctor came up with. 

he stared back at you with confusion, “you don’t remember? are you having trouble remembering things?” he asked making you shake your head no, “Sir Nighteye! he came the first day you got here but he informed me not to call him when you woke and only came in that day,” he replied.

you rolled your eyes, of course it was Nighteye who visited you. you nodded, thanking the doctor for answering you as he continued to ask you questions to make sure you didn’t have any kind of other memory loss. 

once the doctor left, you felt yourself continuing to think of Nighteye. you knew better than anyone that your feelings for Mirai had never fully left. after the breakup, you continued to check up on him every so often. you had heard of the nasty break up he had with All Might and was tempted to call him to make sure he was okay but against your better judgement, you didn’t. 

the breakup between the two of you wasn’t nasty, not in the slightest. the both of you understanding that your lives were being lead into different directions for the time being. you congratulated him for being accepted as the sidekick to the top hero as he congratulated you for becoming the sidekick to another. 

you left the night of the breakup with a bittersweet feeling in your heart. you knew this wasn’t the last you would have saw him but it was going to be for a long while. the night ended with giving him a soft kiss and an exchanges of ‘be safe’. 

+ 

you finally pulled away to see Nighteye’s face. he stared at you as he slowly wiped your tears away and tried comforting you without trying to be awkward. 

“why? why did you visit me that day?” you asked. Mirai sighed, “we both know why I did,” he repeated your words from earlier. 

you shook your head, “no Mirai, give me an answer. that’s the least I deserve,” you said, “i couldn’t let you pass away without saying my goodbyes. we both know that’s what we would have done if the situation was reversed,” he responded. 

you couldn’t help but agree. you knew you would have if the situation was turned around. Mirai’s hold on you was still not released as you signed into his embrace. a feeling in your gut was making you think that his intern and sidekick was eavesdropping on the other side of the door. 

the two of your remained quiet, not knowing what to say for what felt like hours. it wasn’t until you noticed your magazine cover for the Hero Chart JP cover from a few years ago on his wall. 

“you hung that?” you asked him. Mirai nodded, “it was a great cover,” he responded with no hesitation. you laughed, “it really was. landed in third spot that year, behind All Might and Endeavor. no surprise there,” you joked. 

the two of you laughed, feeling the slight awkward tension finally drifting away. it wasn’t until you stopped laughing when you realized how close in proximity you were with Mirai when you felt yourself give him a kiss. the kiss filled with that longing feeling. 

it was another while until the two of you pulled away when you leaned your forehead against his. he smiled, wiping the stray tears that came down your face. 

“what does this mean for us? again?” you asked him. Mirai stayed silent for a moment, “it means to pick up from where we last left off,” he replied.

you smiled at him before bringing him into another kiss, “that’s fine with me,” you whispered. 

Mirai nodded as you heard two loud voices, screaming in happiness from the other side of the wall. you laughed, knowing it was Mirio and Bubble Girl who made it known that they were listening to the entire conversation. 

“i think your intern and sidekick heard the entire conversation,” you said playfully. Nighteye shrugged, “what else is new?” he chuckled, “i’ll just make them do overtime for it.” 

the screaming instantly turning into groans and arguments between the two of them as they heard what Nighteye had said. you remained in Mirai’s hug, laughing at both him and Mirio’s/Bubble Girl. 

[clearlydiamondz]

Make Up For It

Erik Stevens x OC

Part ONE

p.2

---------------------------

After a year of not seeing Erik, Jada has been faced with him in a sticky situation. 

Warnings: Blood, Mention of Medical Procedure

--------------------------

Jada laid back into the bathtub, letting the smell of the sweet candles fill her senses. She needed this.. in so many ways than others. After working 12 hours all week this week in the ICU, she was finally off for the next three days. She spoiled herself with some crab legs and dirty rice. She caught up in some of her reality T.V and her favorite anime (7 Deadly Sins), and now she was relaxing in her bath tub. 

She was dozing off until she heard the noise coming from her downstairs. Instantly she jolted up. At first she just thought it was her imagination until she heard whispers. She got out the bathtub before walking into her bedroom and grabbing her pistol that her brother King, got her to protect herself. She wrapped the black robe around her body before slowly opening her door. 

She walked down the stairs, holding the pistol taking it off of safety. She turned the corner to hear the talk get louder. “I thought you said she was off these days?” She recognized that voice. It was her brother.

“I thought she was here.” She recognized that voice too. How could she not? That was her ex-boyfriend. Erik Stevens. Gosh she missed him. How could she not? They’ve been together since high school. She was his right hand women while he ran his empire. But after a really bad break up, she cut all ties with him. Now it’s been almost year since she last seen him. 

“Bruh let’s just dip.” That was a voice she did recognize. 

She turned on the lights before saying, “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t put a bullet in each of your knee caps.” she said. That was until she saw Erik and the other boy holding her brother up. “What the hell happened to him?” she said putting the gun on safety and placing it on the side table. 

“We were at the club, next thing you know gun shots were being ring. He got hit.” Erik said as she closed her eyes. He was lying out his ass. 

“Lay him down on the couch.” he was laid down as he groaned. She unbuttoned his shirt seeing the wound. “What time did this happen?”

“Not even 30 minutes ago..” her brother said as she nodded licking her teeth. 

“So you guys think I’m stupid.. right?” she said looking at the two of them. 

“What are you even talking about?”

“If this happened 30 minutes ago, why is there brown dried up blood already around the wound. And you can see around the area where the skin in starting to die.”  she said pointing it out. “I know you like the back of my hand, you’re lying to me.” she snapped standing up pointing at Erik.

“We ain’t lying it’s-”

“I’m sorry.. who are you?”  she asked the random man.

“Oh, I’m DJ.” he said as she looked between the three of them. She stood up.

“Tell me what happened.” she said looking at the three, as Erik rolled his eyes.

“Bruh we’re not fucking lying.” 

“Okay.. play dumb then. I’ma play along with ya ass.” she walked to her kitchen, grabbing her house phone dialing 911. “Wait wait, don’t call 911!” King exclaimed. He looked at Erik nodding his head. 

“We were doing a raid between one of the rivals, it went left. They hit him and we just came back into town.” Erik said as she closed her eyes. 

“Why didn’t you guys go to a fucking hospital!” she yelled at him as King scoffed.

“And risk going to jail. No thank-”

“Shut up King! Do you not understand that you could have died! I don’t give a fuck about none of that shit!” she snapped at him. King sat back, listening to his sister. “And the fuck am I suppose to do? I don’t have supplies here?” she asked Erik tilted his head in confusion. 

“What about the emergency kit we had.”

“I threw it out. Supplies in there was expired. And why would I keep knowing that you-” she stopped herself before looking at her brother. “You need to take him to the hospital. The wound is already getting affected.” she told them as King groaned. 

“Jada look, I understand you’re mad at us but-”

“This does not have anything to do with being mad, look at my fucking brother Erik.” she snapped at him.

“Jada… please. I can’t go back to jail man.” King said to her. She saw the tears building up in his eyes as she scratched her forehead. “Someone stay here with him, we can go to the pharmacy up the road to get supplies.” she said turning around. She walked back up the stairs to get dress.

“I’ll go with her.” DJ said as Erik scoffed. 

“Nah nigga.. I see the way you lookin at her and that shit ain’t happening.” Erik said. DJ stared down at Erik crossed his hands over his chest. “You tryna fuck my-”

“Aye.. first of all that’s my fucking sister you’re talking about. And two, I’m right here.” King said as Erik rolled his eyes. Jada came back down with grey stacked sweatpants, a black tank top, and black flip flops. She had a white rag in her hand before walking to King. She took off the button up as he winced out. 

“Hold this on his wound. I don’t know how much blood he lost so let’s try and keep what he has in his body please. Put pressure on it.” she told him. He followed her instructions before grabbing her keys and her gun placing it in her waistband. 

“Nah, we are driving my car-”

“Do you really think you’re in the position right now to make any decisions?” she cuts him off. Erik smacked his teeth listening to her. He’s not even going to lie, he miss this. She was the only one on planet Earth that he allowed to talk to him like that. 

“Plus, if what you said is true, there are people from the raid all over this city looking for you. You’re car is probably being searched for as we speak.” she said making her way to the garage. They got into her car, as she backed out of the driveway. They rode through the dead city, the car silent. 

“You know I didn’t mean for him to get hurt.. right?” she gripped the steering wheel, before nodding. 

“Erik I know..” she said looking at the road. “But you didn’t have to lie..” she reminded him. 

“I just know how you get when it comes down to him..” 

“Yeah but you also know that I don’t like being left in the dark.” she said pulling into the parking lot. She found a close parking spot before stepping out. He followed her inside seeing her grab the things she needed. 

“We need to stop by the hospital. There’s a couple of things that we need to get that they don’t have in here.” she said. 

After paying for everything, they made their way to the hospital. “Stay here.” he instructed her. “No I need to come with you.”

“Erik It’s fine.. I got this,” she walked into the 

“Excuse me, who are you?”

“Oh I’m the lead for the ICU unit. I left my charger in the break room and came by to pick it up.” she said as the nurse looked her up and down. 

“Yeah. Hopefully it’s still in there.” You know how people can get with their sticky fingers.” she joked as Jada chuckled. She went to the supply closet before grabbing some of the items she needed. She made her way out to the car to see Erik sitting in the car. 

“You got everything.” 

“Yeah, let’s head back.”

After this little procedure, she had them put him in one of the spare bedrooms she had in her house. She told them to leave the room so she could have privacy with her brother. She sat on the floor on the side of the bed as he looked at her. “I know this isn’t how you wanted to spend you day off.” he said to her as she nodded.

“I’m so glad you know so..” she said to him as he chuckled. 

“I’m sorry that I lied to you..” he randomly said as she chuckled. 

“I’m just glad that you’re alive...” she told him as he nodded. There was silence before he spoke up. “You know Erik still wants to be with you.” he said as she scoffed. 

“Erik is the least of my worries right now, no offense.” she told him as he chuckled. 

“I’m serious, give that nigga a chance. Do you know how much he’s obsessed with you? Asking me every other day are you okay? Do you need money? Like damn call her your damn self.” he mocked him as he chuckled. Jada looked down on at the ground playing with her hands. 

“You need to rest. I’ll be back in a few hours to refill your IV.” she told him. She kissed him on the forehead before turning the lights off and walking out his room. Erik stood on the other side of the hallway.

“How’s he doing?” 

“He’s fine, he didn’t loose that much blood thankfully.” she said. 

“That’s good.” he said putting his hands in his pockets.

“I need to talk-” “Can we talk?”

They both said at the same time. They both laughed before she said, “Let’s go to my bar and have a drink?”

They walked to her bar as she grabbed two whiskey glasses, pouring some Hennessy into each one. He grabbed it before taking a sip. “I miss you..” was all she said before he looked at her leaning against the counter. He smirked bringing the glass to his lips. 

“That must’ve been really hard to admit.. huh?” she hit him in the arm as he chuckled. He placed the glass on the counter before looking her up and down. 

“I missed you too... that whole situation spiraled outta control honestly. And it’s a shame that shit had us to stubborn to not talk to each other for almost a damn year.” he said as she sighed looking down. 

“What does that mean for us?” she asked him as he walked closer to her closing the gap. He basically towered over her making her weak in the knees. 

“I feel like we both know.” he whispered to her. “I don’t know about you, but I got a lotta of making up to do.” he said hooking his index finger along the strap of the tank top. He let it hang off her shoulder as tilted her head over. He placed soft kisses on her shoulder as she sighed in pleasure.

“I have to makeup for a birthday, valentines day.” he whispered. He undid the other strap. 

“Erik..” she whispered as he pulled away from her. 

“Can I make it up to you?”

[scuttling]

While You Were Sleeping (Okay, in a Coma)

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Derek Morgan & Latina Original Female Character Aaron Hotchner/Latina Original Female Character Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid Word Count: 2,058 Chapters: 1 of ? WIP Tags: SFW so far, Sophie is not in the BAU, While You Were Sleeping (film) AU, Coffee shop, Unrequited love, Canon-typical violence, Slow burn

Summary: What happens when Derek Morgan, the man Sophie Cortes is secretly in love with, goes into a coma, and everyone around them mistakes her for his girlfriend? As if things weren't complicated enough, his boss is sweet, kind, incredibly handsome, and makes sure she's taken care of while Derek is in the hospital. Plus, she thinks one of Derek's coworkers is more secretly in love with him than she is. Feelings shift, but how does Sophie explain to the world that she fell for Aaron while Derek was sleeping, without hurting everyone she's come to care about?

Read on AO3 or read more below! The morning that changes Sophie Cortes’s life forever begins much like any other: she wakes up at 3 AM to her blaring alarm, slides out of bed with a groan, tugs off the oversized t-shirt she slept in and pulls on a sports bra and leggings to go for a run. She knows this makes her sound like a lunatic, but with her schedule, if she doesn’t exercise before the crack of dawn, it just doesn’t happen.

After her run, she goes home to shower and change, grabs her bag and drives to The Busy Bean, the coffee shop she co-owns with her best friend Jocelyn. Jocelyn is the brains of the operation, the one with all the great marketing ideas, the one who handles the finances and vendors and supply issues and makes sure everything is Fair Trade or else—Sophie bakes cookies and makes macchiatos, but everyone’s got their strong suits.

She loves the coffee shop more than anything, its bright brick walls and dark wood floors, the smell of fresh beans and sugar, the bustle of regular customers they get from being so near Quantico; most of them are serious suit types, always in a hurry, but some of them are sweet, take their time to say good morning, like Sophie’s favorite customer, Derek.

She knows Derek is a fed of some sort, even though he’s not usually in a suit. He has that air about him, like he’s powerful and capable, like he’s seen things, but he never fails to flash her a megawatt smile, to lean against the counter while she makes his mocha and ask her how her morning is going. She’s a little bit in love with him.

Jocelyn knows this, and always makes sure Sophie is the one to wait on him; when she calls Sophie out from the kitchen specifically because Derek’s there, she knows he knows, and she flushes, but he says she makes his drink better than anyone, always asks her for a cookie recommendation on Fridays so he can take a box to the office, so she thinks it might not be completely one sided. Maybe. Or he’s just a really, really sweet guy.

On the morning that changes her life forever, he’s still very sweet, but she also sees a side of him she’s never seen before.

Someone tries to rob them. The man walks right up to the counter, no mask, no nothing, and tells her to put all of the money from the register into a cookie box or he’ll pull out the gun he’s got in his pocket and blow her face off. Her first instinct is to be pissed about this, which she knows is really stupid. She takes a step back, looks at the guy like he’s an idiot, crosses her arms.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Do you know how hard we work for this money? We don’t sit around… playing video games in our mom’s basement, like you do, by the looks of it.” The guy is obviously not happy about this, slams his hands down on the counter, and Derek, who is two spots behind him, leans slightly out of line to get her attention.

“Sophie, is this guy bothering you?” Before she can answer, the guy turns to look at Derek; he takes one glance at his hot, strong physique, and then his gun and his badge thing, and books it out of the shop. Derek tears off after him, and Sophie can see this ending very badly, so she grabs Jocelyn, asks her to cover the register and tells her she’ll be right back.

She jogs outside, expecting to see Derek manhandling the dumbass robber, or at least still chasing after him; she does not expect to see Derek laying on the ground, bleeding out, a bullet wound in his stomach.

“Oh my god, Derek!” She skids to a halt next to him, pulls off her apron—it’s mostly clean, she thinks—and lifts up his shirt, presses it to the wound to stop the bleeding. “Are you okay? That’s dumb, you’re not okay, but can you hear me? Are you going to die?” He chuckles, and that makes her feel a little better, but then he coughs up blood, and that makes her feel much, much worse.

She pulls her phone out of her back pocket, calls 911, and just stays with him, talks to him about nothing and everything, until the police and paramedics arrive. At that point, he has passed out, looks drained and weak, so unlike the Derek she has come to know… and love. Fuck. If he dies because of something that happened at her shop…

“Excuse me, miss, but we need to get him on the stretcher,” an EMT says, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. She backs off, knows he needs to be attended to, but she can’t leave him, she just can’t.

“Can I ride to the hospital with him? Please,” she asks the other tech, and she glances at her partner, who nods. Sophie sighs a breath of relief, sends a text to Jocelyn explaining what happened and that she’ll need to be out of the shop for the foreseeable future.

She notices that Derek’s phone has fallen off of his belt, and she picks it up, since the paramedics don’t seem interested. She absently decides to look through his recent contacts, to see if there’s someone she should inform of the accident: the last number he dialed belongs to someone named Hotch, and she vaguely remembers him mentioning the name before. It might be his boss, or something? He dials the number frequently, anyway, so she figures it’s worth a shot.

“Hotchner,” the man answers after two rings, and Sophie sighs, glad she got through to someone. Even if he’s not the person she should be contacting, he might know how to reach them.

“Uh, hello. I’m pretty sure you’re Derek’s boss, but even if you aren’t, you’re the last person he called, so… There’s been an accident. Derek’s been shot. We’re headed to the GWU Medical Center; I thought you would want to know.” She can hear the man moving some papers in the background, banging something around on his desk, maybe.

“We’re on the way; how bad is it? Is he conscious? What happened?” The paramedics signal for her to hop into the back of the ambulance, so she does, and she takes Derek’s limp hand. Her eyes well up with tears, and it feels real, now, that she has to relive it.

“There was someone trying to rob the coffee shop, and—and Derek went after him; he had a gun, and I guess he shot him. I mean, he obviously shot him. In the stomach. He’s not conscious; I don’t know how bad it is, but he was coughing up blood. Oh, god,” she breathes, voice shaky, and the man on the phone makes a soft sound of reassurance.

“It’s alright. He’s a very strong person, I promise you. He’ll be okay. You said you were headed to GWU Medical Center; are you with him now?”

“Yes. The paramedics let me ride with him. I can text you an update when we get there, his room number if he has one.” She can hear him talking to someone else in the background, but it only takes him a moment to answer.

“Please do. We’ll be there as quickly as we can. Thank you,…?” He pauses, clearly wondering who the hell she is.

“Oh, Sophie. Sophie Cortes.”

“Aaron Hotchner. Thank you. We’ll see you soon.”

The paramedics push Derek into the emergency room entrance, and Sophie follows behind, feeling anxious and out of place, and worried about his injury. They push the gurney through a set of double doors, and Sophie goes to follow, but a stern looking nurse in gold scrubs puts a hand in front of her, doesn’t even look up from her clipboard.

“You can’t go in there.” Sophie’s heart-rate jumps, and she shakes her head.

“I need to go in there, I need to make sure he’s okay. Please.”

“Are you family?” she asks, giving her a once-over; she clearly decides that Sophie is not family, and she doesn’t want to lie, anyway.

“No, I’m not family, but—”

“Like I said, you can’t go in there. Family only.” She moves her arm, waits like she dares Sophie to try, but she just sighs, sags against the wall, and the woman walks away.

“But you don’t understand,” Sophie says weakly, to herself. “I’m in love with him.” She brings up a hand to scrub at the tears forming in her eyes, and another nurse, one with blue scrubs and braids and a kind smile, rests a palm on her shoulder.

“Come with me.” Sophie looks up at her—she looks kind of like an angel, but it’s probably just the fluorescent lighting—and nods, follows.

She takes her through a staff only door, sneaks her into the OR hallway, where they can peer through a window at Derek, surrounded by doctors, surgeons, nurses. Sophie has only seen this kind of stuff on TV, so she doesn’t know how it’s going, but the nurse who brought her tells her to stay there for one second and bustles off.

It’s really scary to watch: there are bloody cloths being thrown around, and tubes and clamps and other medical devices she’s not sure the use for, but after a moment, she can see a doctor lift up a pair of surgical pliers, and there’s a bullet between the prongs. That’s a good sign, she’s pretty sure.

The nice nurse comes back, and she scares the shit out of Sophie when she puts a hand on her arm, making her jump a foot. She smiles apologetically, and Sophie returns it.

“I found out his room number, if you’d like to go sit and wait for him to be brought in. It's an ICU, so technically visiting hours haven’t started yet, but I can make an exception—for an hour, okay?” Sophie nods, wraps her hands around the nurse's wrists.

“Thank you so much. Really—I just need to know he’s okay,” she says, and the woman nods understandingly and takes her to room 104, where Derek will be placed after surgery.

She texts the number to Derek’s boss, takes a seat on the chair in the corner of the room. She gets restless quickly, stands up, uses the bathroom sink to scrub at her hands, because they’re still stained with Derek’s blood. It’s quiet, eerily so, until suddenly it isn’t.

Derek is wheeled in on a bed by a couple of nurses; he looks a little better, all wrapped up in gauze, and they hook him to machines, displaying a steady heartbeat. She breathes a sigh of relief. He’s alright. He’s not dead. That’s incredible news. She takes his hand, wills herself not to cry, murmurs that she’s so happy he’s alive.

As soon as the nurses leave, a group of people who can only be Derek’s coworkers enter the room. There is a tall, serious looking man with dark hair and a dark suit; a woman with thick fringe, a kind face; an older guy with facial hair who looks worried and weary; a skinny guy who looks about the same as Sophie feels; a petite blonde woman with the bluest eyes Sophie’s ever seen; and another blonde woman with crimped hair and glossy lips who has absolutely been crying. They look at Sophie, and she stands, drops Derek’s hand.

“Um, hi, I’m—”

“Who are you?” a doctor says suddenly from behind the group. The kind nurse who let her see Derek is behind him. The serious looking man reaches into his pocket, flashes a badge with a no-nonsense expression.

“We’re with the FBI. We’re his coworkers.” He looks over at Sophie, and she takes a deep breath. Before she can explain who she is, the kind nurse steps around the doctor, flashes Sophie a smile.

“And she’s his girlfriend.”

Uh. What the fuck?

Derek’s coworkers exchange a look that says pretty much the same thing; the tall skinny one looks like his heart has been broken.

Sophie opens her mouth to correct that extremely incorrect assumption, but she can’t find the words, and then she passes out.

[highwaydiamonds]

Um. Excuse me. You had cancer??

Yeah... I mean I guess I really haven't discussed it much on tumblr. I have a little bit, but only in vague ways, or rarely made veiled references in tags.

SO, get a drink, get a snack, because this is a bit of a saga, and you already know I am longwinded at the best of times. I'm going to do like Vizzini said, and go back to the beginning. I hope you're ok I'm making this public Shells, it seems easier to? And I'll put this behind a cut because I really do wax on ( and on).

It's the end of August 2018 and i appear to have gotten some kind cold/respiratory infection. I'm at work the first day of it and it feels like a cold. No big deal. (Also this is all pre-COVID so no I didn't have COVID). The next day I feel really awful, so I call off work, and figure all I need to do is rest and I'll be ok. Turns out, NOPE. The next day I feel worse- now I can tell I have a bit of a fever, my appetite was basically, " eat one baby carrot and my appetite is exhausted." Finally, I get to the point that I am having trouble lying down - as in I am becoming short of breath when I try to lie flat (sorry if I am using the wrong word - lay/lie was always a grammar issue that eluded me.) So, I decide, ok, i will be sensible girl and go get medical attention. But I am stubborn and feel the ER is overreacting, so I go to urgent care. i park in the front row of urgent car parking, but by the time I reach the intake desk I have to put my head down because I am so winded and a bit lightheaded.

They take one look at me and tell me, point blank, "we're getting a squad for you to take you to the ER." I say, " what? no, I don't need that, this is not that big a deal." They counter, " you could barely walk in the door and you you are having significant trouble breathing. We don't have the ability to see you here." So, for the first time in my life I have to go via ambulance from urgent care to a free standing ER.

I get to the ER - where they decide, OK, lady, you're a mess. Let's get some chest x-rays and we're gonna slap some IV fluids and I can't even recall if they immediately put me on IV antibiotics or not. But after two hours there they informed me, " hey.... So, we think you need to go to the hospital-hospital not the freestanding ER." I tell them well you better hand me my laptop ( I'm that bitch who takes the laptop with her juuuuust in case I am stuck in the hospital. you never know.) Because i am not going to a hospital until I figure out if they're in my health plan. I do so and then for the second time in my life, all in one night because sometimes I am an over achiever i guess, I go via ambulance to the hospital.

They admitted me and over the next few/couple/ hours ( it was hard to tell) I progressively felt worse. I had trouble breathing if I didn't sit absolutely straight up, and at that point I hadn't gotten good sleep for around 60 hours or so. Me being me I started to get teary and panicky, because I was so tired and wasn't sure what to do. I called for the nurse and she came in and then within the next half hour your girl got taken down to the ICU. By the time we arrived down in the ICU I was really getting panicky. My mom died in the ICU ( different hospital but still) and I knew the fact they took me down there was no laughing matter. I started to think about, " ok is this what death is like? this isn't what i thought it was going to be - this is panicky and scary and not all white lights and peace."

The next thing I knew - it was two days later, and I woke up intubated. Did you know that you can be conscious and intubated? I did not. I'll speed things up a bit here. I spent a total of 8 days in the ICU - I had one hell of a case of pneumonia, and there were a couple of other diagnoses thrown in ( nope, not cancer. promise, we will get there.) . The nurses I had were AMAZING. I was intubated for about 6 of those 8 days. Then I got weaned off of it. Funniest moment on the ventilator: Physical therapist comes around and says, " Hey let's get you up and walking, you think you can?" I nodded and shrugged my shoulders to try and communicate, " sure, ok!" It went totally fine, but there were nursing students, residents, other doctors and who knows who else looking out of rooms and over desks at the two of us just y'know... *walking down the hall*. I gestured to the people because it was just flipping weird. I had an audience at the exact time NOBODY wants an audience and it confused the hell out of me. PT advised me, " there aren't too many times ventilated patients are ambulatory. You're a bit of a curiosity so people want to see."

Once I got out of the ICU and was put back on a regular floor, I got to meet with other doctors re those other diagnoses I mentioned ( chronic things I just have to manage) I also mentioned that it had been a really long time since I had been to a GYN and as had been noted in the ICU I spotted quite frequently ( I have never, ever in my life been regular period-wise and it just got weirder over time, but I just didn't really consider it. So I asked while they were setting me up with new practitioners ( my previous doctor had retired) too please set me top with a gynecologist.

So I'm out of the hospital by September 10th, 2018. The gyro appointment occurs i want to say by mid- to late September. I go in and meet her and she's lovely. While I'm up on the table she says, " hey let's do all the things and get a uterine biopsy!" I say, " excellent, do the things!" We agree it's likely going to be nothing but hey we're smart people and we will play it safe. Huzzah Gyno visit accomplished! (if I were a gamer I'd make some kind of ladybits achievement unlocked now, but I'm not a gamer.)

Two or so weeks go by - or however long it takes to get those test results back (some of these spans are lost in the mists of time). Dr Boyle calls me and apologizes that the test results that she was sure would be nothing... they are not nothing. Turns out, it's endometrial cancer.

At that point you could have knocked me over with a feather. Shells, I wanted my mom to be there so badly, I can't even express it. She would have understood how I felt - she'd been there with her breast cancer. But at the same time, I was glad she wasn't there? I remember how heartsick my mom was to tell Grandmommy when Mom got cancer. I didn't want my mom to have to hear that news, to worry about that. Dr Boyle advised me that she would be referring me to a good oncologist and i should hear from them in a week or two.

Thus began MRIS and PET scans and ultrasounds, and blood work etc. The oncologist diagnosed that he figured I might be stage three, but it depended on my lymph involvement. It brought back memories of when Mom was diagnosed and when she told me she was stage three. I asked my Dad later, "what does that mean?" He told me, " there are only four stages, so what do you think?" This time around I knew what it meant. So, we put me down for surgery November 9th, 2018. That's two days before my birthday - so I joked that I was getting my cancer out for my birthday - hooray! My best friend actually flew in from texas for my surgery ( my best friend is a SAINT, and I love her more than pearls and rubies.)

Best surgery story from this experience: For my total hysterectomy (uterus and ovaries go sayonara and then also two signal lymph nodes in the chain of nodes on either side of the pelvis to se if there is any lymph complication.) I had to be tilted back - so with my head down to move as many organs away from the uterus etc during the laparoscopic procedure. I knew this going in, However, when I woke up back in my hospital room I looked at Bestie and said, " I hurt in places I didn't expect to hurt. Oh wait. My shoulders hurt because they're not used to being weight bearing, but the procedure was laproscopic - so why the heck does my vagina hurt?" Bestie in one of her best moments ever says, " I know why." I replied, " wait, YOU know why MY vagina hurts?!" She said, " yep. So your surgery was supposed to take 3-3.5 hours ended up taking 5 hours instead. Your uterus was really big. The oncologist told us they need up having to cut it in half to pull it out of you." bestie admitted she joked with the oncologist that it was like I had just birthed a baby, he looked back at her (NOT laughing) and said, " yes, that's basically what she did." I laughed so much at that ( i mean i was also well medicated, but still) I told Bestie, " I had a Uterus! Let's call it George!" ( In retrospect I am disappointed in myself that I misgendered my own uterus, I should have called it Georgina.)

So, after healing from the surgery, by about January of 2019 I started two courses (each with a few rounds) of chemo. First came what the doctors and I called "low-pro" chemo - that we did along with radiation. Honestly, though i was making a heck of a lot more bathroom trips, you wouldn't have generally known I was sick. Most of my coworkers had no idea. I just was a bit more tired than usual. After the low pro rounds - then we moved to the bigger guns. Radiation was done but I moved to more significant chemo drugs, This wasn't because things were bad - this was the plan all along :) But I knew the "high-pro" chemo was going to make me lose my hair. THAT was a psychic struggle. I cried so much knowing that was going to happen. I got hats and caps and I even got a very nice wig. I mean, I planned as much as a girl can plan when she hears that news. I even preemptively cut my long hair. It was about half way down my back at that point. So I went in and asked the stylist please braid it and put it in between two hair ties - and then cut it - so i could keep my braid. I couldn't do locks of love anyway as it was colored, and I know it's selfish, but I wanted my hair. So, the hair went from half down my back to a face framing bob. then I just waited. And then in a few weeks it happened. I could put my hands through my hair and easily, painlessly pull it out. I am not a cute bald girl. That's when people KNOW you have something going on.

I was very lucky though, there ended up NOT being lymph involvement, and even the high pro chemo didn't make me nauseous or lose appetite. I did have HORRIBLE bone pain usually the first week after chemo ( i'd get it every three weeks). I learned a hell of a lot from that. I also was able to get some meds to help alleviate it a bit, and I took time from work when the pain was at its worst. But I have never experienced pain like that - where no matter what I did - no position changes helped. Even ice packs or heat pads didn't help or do much. It was just a waiting game, a painful waiting game. Oh also - I learned that IV benadryl is nothing like oral benadryl. IV benadryl is like walking right into a brick wall made of sleep. That stuff knocked me the hell out right quick - amazing.

Right before COVID started and the world shut down I got the flu because my immune system was in the toilet- and so I spent another week in the hospital and except for the bone pain that comes with chemo, you know what is worse than chemo injections? POTASSIUM injections. Among other things, my potassium levels were low and so I got those injections with other meds. Those suckers HURT. they BURN, and so i spent a week in the hospital only to eventually come out and find out the world was starting to shut down from COVID. Not my job at that point, but my oncologist told me, " GO HOME - YOU KNOW YOU ARE IMMUNO COMPROMISED - DON'T STAY AT WORK." So, I went home until about a month after I finished chemo.

Since finishing chemo it's been about scans, which have gone ok so far... I'm not willing to talk about the R word. I just think I'll have to be careful the rest of my life - My mom always said, "once you've gotten cancer, you always have cancer." So, maybe it's the anxiety talking, but it's kind of like waiting for the other cancer shoe to drop. In the mean time though, it's business as usual - try to find good stuff in the midst of the hot mess. Cancer has been a crisis but not a reason to lose my sense of humor. I've needed it more than ever :)

So, sorry for the SERIOUSLY LONG ASS answer, but sometimes it's just better to lay it bare. I'm not ashamed of this stuff. It's been a lot. It's been a journey... It still is... it's part of the rest of my journey, which i hope isn't over by a long shot yet. I don't believe things happen for reasons - the world is WAY too absurd for that in my opinion, BUT good gravy have i been able to learn so much from this whole three ring circus. I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons.

Thanks for checking in, Shells. You're a complete sweetheart.

[detectiveinchicago]

Please, don’t go

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Pairing: Blake Gallo x reader

Requested by: @tomanyfandoms04​

Warnings: Medical Stuff might not be accurate.

Word Count: 1.806

GIF IS NOT MINE. 

Being in a relationship with a firefighter was being willed to have your heart on edge all the time. Every time he went out on a shift Blake knew that you had gotten used to letting it be because you were sure that if you thought about it every day you were going to freak out. You had been dating for over 10 years; you had met in high school after Blake had lost his family in a fire when he was twelve. Blake spent most of his time at the fire station or training. He knew in his heart that he was destined to be a firefighter and you supported him; you were always there for him. When you started studying finance, he was also there for you during the long study nights. You were always happy for each other’s achievements; it was their nature.

Less than a year ago I had entered a new station “It’s my dream job baby” he had told you. The problem is that he was too intrepid and impulsive for his own good, but despite your reservations, he had been doing very well. You remember how proud you were of him when he ran that race to raise awareness about lung cancer in the fire department.

You had talked about getting married, of course, but it never seemed like the right time. Blake, however, was trying to find that moment for many months. He was sure he loved you and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, so why wait? Even though Blake had been looking for the right time for months, it never seemed to be and the ring was still in his pants pocket, either you were both exhausted when you came home from work or you were at Molly’s or you had something to do. It always seemed like there was something more important to do.

“Have you seen this?” A coworker had asked you while pointing to the television where there were images of a fire in a mattress factory that firefighters were trying to put out. You hoped that Blake was not there, but unfortunately you knew that was not the case. The fire was so big that they had called all the units, so most likely he was there. At least she hoped he was at least being careful.

It was after seven when you arrived to the apartment you two shared. You left the keys on the front table next to your coat and your wallet when your cell phone rang.

“And it is?” you said, rubbing your eyes. You needed a shower.

“(Y / N)? This is Chief Boden I work with Blake Gallo” a raspy voice spoke to him on the other end of the phone. Was Blake hurt? It wasn’t the first time he’d hurt himself at work, that’s for sure.

“I know who you are” You answered. You had to ask “Is Blake okay?”

“We don’t know” Chief Boden replied across the line with a sigh “We are in Chicago Med waiting for news”

“I’ll be there” you answered before cutting off the communication and taking your things again.

You could feel your heart leaking out of your chest. You weren't sure you wanted to experience that pain again. Never had Blake’s superiors answered “We don’t know” whenever they called her it was “He’ll recover in two weeks” or “He needs to rest and stay home.” Then you would just take leave from your work to accompany him, Did you know how anxious he got when he had to stay home?

When I arrived at Chicago Med, the uncertainty did not improve. Nobody had news about Blake’s condition. And everything got worse when a doctor came out to talk to Otis’s girlfriend, one of Blake’s companions, and she cried. You needed no more negative thoughts, so while everyone was mourning the death of one of them you quietly slipped away. You sat by the hospital door and started looking around. The place seemed grim.

“Is it going to be okay, you know?” You turned to look and saw Captain Casey, you had seen him before in Molly.

“Why do you say that? You just lost one of yours,” you answered acidly, not wanting to be so daring “I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologize, I know it’s not the best time,” he replied leaning a hand on your shoulder “You just have to have faith”

“Sometimes faith is not enough” You responded by getting up and shaking your clothes “Blake and I have been together for over 10 years, I know what kind of relationship I have but I can’t help but get nervous” Captain Casey looked at you with a smile of sympathy as you reentered inside. Otis’s girlfriend kept crying and you couldn’t stop the bad thoughts from coming back.

“Blake Gallo’s family?” asked one doctor entering the waiting room

“That would be us” you replied to the doctor and Captain Casey smiled at you. You knew that this was how fire stations worked, they had each other backs inside and outside work.

“Blake lost a significant amount of blood, he had the explosion from the front and we are monitoring his organs and vital signs, he has several burns on his torso and back, his lungs have also been severely damaged so we are monitoring to see how he evolves. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you better news” The doctor explained to you.

“At least he’s not dead” you thought, but then you realized that that was not a great consolation

“Do you want to see him? You can take turns one at a time” He asked and you nodded. The doctor directed you to the ICU and showed Gallo’s door before heading to the nurse’s unit.

He looked so calm, so peaceful. It just looked like he had gone to sleep, but you knew it was the effect of the drugs. He had bandages around his chest and he was intubated, but he was still your Blake. The one who always made you smile, the one who was always by your side when you were sad, the one who massaged you when you were tired and the one who cradled you until you fell asleep at night. Even though his body looked like it had been in a war and his face looked unpolluted, you assumed it was because she had been wearing his helmet and protective mask. You sat on the empty chair and took his hand; you weren’t sure she could feel it, but still; you stayed there; you took advantage of all the time you had before letting your friends pass.

“Please Blake, don’t leave me, we still didn’t have enough time together, I need to have more time to love you and to feel your love, I need you, please don’t leave me now”

Three days after Blake was in the hospital, one nurse gave you the few belongings he had in his uniform before the explosion. Of course, he had his cell phone and his watch, but he also had a small box. So as she sat in the chair next to Blake’s bed you opened the bag, he had some missed calls from you on his cell phone and when you opened the box; you found yourself with an engagement ring. You took him in his hands and you cried; you cried because you expected him to wake up so you could get married. You wondered how long he had been keeping that ring.

“Blake, open your eyes, I want to marry you. Please don’t leave me now, I want us to get married and invite all our friends, I want to have that special day with you, I want you to tell me again how much you love me, for please don’t go “

You spent every day in the hospital and when you weren’t there; you were bathing and then sitting again next to Blake’s bed or in the waiting room. That was your routine for the last week. Sometimes you brought your laptop to do some work tasks to distract yourself. His colleagues from the station had stopped by to see him several times.

“Do you ever stop working?” God, you thought you’d never hear that voice again. His voice was scratchy, but it was his voice. You raised your eyes from the computer and started crying. You hadn’t cried in all those days but at that moment it felt perfect to have a little sentimentality “Don’t cry” Blake told you as you approached him.

“I’m crying because you’re alive” You replied “And because I love you so much” you added while he grabbed your head.

“How long was I asleep?” I ask while you wipe your tears.

“About a week” you informed him while you brought him a glass of water

“That’s been a long time” he replied, drinking some water, “I thought I was going to die, (Y / N)”

“You need not explain to me” you said, taking his hand between yours

“I thought I was going to die without seeing your beautiful face again,” he said caressing your cheek “I thought I was going to die without telling you how much I love you, how much I need you and how much I want to make you my wife” you approached him and gave him a little kiss on the lips

“You wanted to ask me to marry you and you had no better idea than to go around carrying this ring in your pocket?” you asked with a small smile on his confused face “The nurse gave me your things a few days ago, I don’t know how you didn’t lose that ring” you said

“I’ve been trying to ask you to marry me for months” Blake replied scratching his head embarrassed “I bought the ring at Christmas”

“Christmas? Blake, it’s May” you said raising your eyebrows

“It never seemed like the right time” he defended “We were always busy”

“Blake, I would have told you yes even if you had proposed to me in the shower” you informed him “I want to marry you, I want you to have a great wedding with all our friends, I want everything with you, I love you Blake”

“I want everything with you (Y / N) since we were teenagers I knew that the only thing I wanted was to see your face every morning and be by your side”

[kimburgess-ruzek]

shattered.

chapter five: interlude pt. 1

story summary: burzek/upstead/unit. Intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

chapter summary: the first night of the team’s weekend off before returning to work proves to be more difficult than relaxing. hailey and jay try to work things out, kim enlists help from a friend when facing difficulties falling asleep, and adam faces a new problem.

a/n: writing has definitely hit a low point for me. it’s like i want to write, and i even know what i want the plot line to be, but getting it written out seems to be giving me a hard time. but i finally got something together and even though it’s not my favorite, i still want to get something out for you.

word count: 5.9k. half is here, rest is on ao3!

read on ao3!

.

“no, we didn’t catch roy… forget about roy walton.”

the breath escaped hailey as soon as the words left voight’s mouth, and it never returned. she felt time froze around her. she couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. she felt like she was drowning in all of the lies. all of her lies.

she hated lying. especially to the team, to jay. but she didn’t know what to do. she thought after seeing voight, she would feel better for some reason. maybe he would’ve told the team the truth, she figured. but he didn’t. and he didn’t even give her any sort of attention. barely even looked over towards her. she tried to search for his eyes, trying to detect any bit of truth, but she couldn’t. and then when voight started storytelling, it took everything in her to keep her eyes from watering. she thought, maybe seeing her boss would give her a sense of relief, but it didn’t. it gave her the opposite. it made her feel more anxious and scared. and it made her feel not credible. it made her feel like she was a poor cop, a bad cop.

hailey didn’t know what to do, how to feel. hours ago, pulling up to that warehouse, hearing the sounds of brute torture, believing her sergeant was in trouble only to run inside and realize it was the opposite. her mind couldn’t process it fast enough. then staring down the end of a gun, watching as her boss, someone she once trusted her own life with, put her life in danger. she felt betrayed. she was hurt. yet, she still managed to feel guilty for coming in the first place. for going against protocol and for going rogue. but then she finally laid eyes on roy, and all she could think of was everything the team went through the past few months. how much they had progressed to right policing. how much voight progressed. and now it had all gone away. it was all for nothing.

but even though she knew it was all for nothing, she didn’t know if she could live with herself if she just laid down and gave into the pressure. so she fought. and she pleaded with voight to try to do the right thing. and as much as she tried staying tough on the outside, she was terrified. but it must’ve worked because voight was persuaded. or so she thought. and then all hell broke loose. the worst thing that hailey could’ve possibly imagined happened. roy grabbed the gun and it was aimed towards her sergeant, who just began to do the right thing. so hailey did what she had to do in order to keep her boss alive. and so she was on the other side. but the question was, can she handle being on the other side?

the answer? hailey didn’t even know. on one hand, she can’t even try to think about what she did, what voight did, because if she did, she might spiral and never unravel. but yet, the image of roy walton’s face won’t get out of her mind. it was eating her from the inside out. but then she saw kim. saw her for the first time, bruised, hurt, and broken. she couldn’t even recognize her usual strong, tenacious friend lying in that hospital bed. and that’s when, deep deep down, she didn’t feel guilty for what she did. because after looking at how panicked kim was, hailey knew roy walton got what he deserved. and the fact that hailey doesn’t feel guilty makes her scared for what’s to come.

she was lost in her thoughts when she heard a familiar voice coming to the surface.

“hailey. hailey..”

hailey snapped out of it and found herself in jay’s truck, with his hand on her arm, shaking it.

hailey was genuinely confused, looking around. the last thing she could remember was standing in the hospital icu room. “how… how did i get here?”

jay looked concerned and retreated back to his seat area. “um, we walked..??”

hailey just sat there in silence, letting herself catch up. she was so lost in her inner demons that she didn’t even recognize what her body was doing.

jay saw how confused hailey was and to be honest, he was a bit confused himself. he never saw hailey this rattled, ever. and why she was, he didn’t know. all he knew was that hailey came out of this case different.

he continued, “hailey, are you okay?” he looked straight into her eyes, searching and pleading for a honest truth.

hailey’s mind still hasn’t fully caught up to her actions, but she needed to play it off if jay was going to get off her case.

“yeah. yeah i’m just still trying to wrap my mind around this case, you know? how it ended and all.” she wiped her hand through her hair and leaned back into the car seat, closing her eyes.

jay followed suit with hailey, sighing. “agreed. but hey, you heard voight. we need to put this case behind us, forget about it. the sooner we do, the quicker we can all get on with our lives.”

“yeah, sure…” hailey trailed off, staring off into the hospital parking garage.

jay looked at hailey, worried, nonetheless. as much as he wanted to be there for hailey, she was making it difficult by leaving him in the wind. and his patience was starting to run thin.

after a while hailey recouped from her trance and held on to her seatbelt. “let’s get out of here.”

jay just nodded and put the truck in reverse, leaving the hospital and hopefully the confusion with it.

.

icu hospital rooms hold a different air to them. surrounding them is this sense of cold, emptiness, and lifeless. yet there is always this glimmer of hope, of life, just waiting. for kim, her hope was lying next to her. it was her daughter. makayla ward burgess, asleep, cuddled up under the extra hospital blanket under kim’s good arm. her body weight was a little overbearing for kim’s bruised ribs, but she dare not say anything to ruin this precious moment.

mere hours ago, kim could only dream of this moment. she could only hope to go back to her secure lifestyle. a roof over her head, a job, and her daughter, safe. and then all of that changed in an instant. and to be honest, kim doesn’t know how. she did everything by the book. radioed in, turned her headlights off a block away, notified her team, did the undercover pass. then suddenly, all went to hell. and no matter how many times kim tried to find an excuse, a reason for her ending up the way she did, she just couldn’t. and that wasn’t good. because when she talks to irt and the ivory tower, they’re going to be nitpicking, searching her up and down for a reason. and if kim can’t give them one, then she may be out of a job. and worse, her team could be at risk of an investigation. and like hell were her team going to be at risk because of her and her shit luck.

kim stared down at makayla, how calm and peaceful she was. she noticed her ponytails were a little uneven, which made kim grin. she had to give it to adam for attempting foreign territory.

adam. taking care of makayla. kim couldn’t believe adam took makayla in. cared for her. but yet, she could, because it was adam. but she still was shocked. and, happy. ever since the situation with bob, adam hasn’t been too keen on her, and why should he. but he really stepped up when the time came, and kim did not let that go unnoticed. but at the same time, everything that went down motivated her to not let this ever happen again. she will not have makayla go through losing a mother again.

kim carefully lowered and lightly kissed the top of makayla’s head, surely not to wake her. at the same time she heard footsteps and turned to see adam reentering her room.

he made is way to the chair and half whispered, “hey. the nurse said you should be transported to a regular room in a couple hours or so.”

kim could tell adam was excited, and she was too. this was an obvious sign that she was getting better.

kim nodded, “great.”

a comfortable silence fell between them. both of them were lost in their thoughts before kim spoke, trying to fill the space and beat around the bush.

“so, what did i miss when i was gone?”

adam was glad to see that kim didn’t lose her humor, but he wasn’t in the mood to open up to her just yet. it wasn’t the right time.

adam huffed, “what didn’t you miss?”

kim followed suit, letting out a laugh. “i’m serious. please. tell me what happened while i was gone.” kim could feel the tension in the room when everyone was together, and it was deafening.

adam let out a sigh. “i don’t even know. tensions were high, everything was a blur. all i cared about was finding you. and being there for makayla.”

kim nodded. she knew he wasn’t telling the complete story, but it seems that she wasn’t getting much else out of him. before kim could respond adam asked her a question.

“what did we miss when you were gone?”

adam went on a limb to ask kim this, but he wanted to know what happened to her. what those bastards did to her. and while it would be awful and painful to recall, maybe it could be the first step to actually healing, for both kim and himself.

kim just stared at the wall ahead of her. her mind was still processing it all, she didn’t even know if she had the right answer.

“i.. i don’t know. it’s all still hazy. and. and i don’t really want to think about that right now.” kim was being honest. she didn’t want to rehash it all.

adam pursed his lips. “you know, you’re going to need to try to recall it for when irt asks you.”

kim snapped, “i know.”

makayla began to stir so kim quieted down and luckily, makayla stayed asleep. kim took a deep breath and whispered, “i know. i just, not right now. i can’t.”

adam nodded, not wanting to exert too much on kim. “i’m sorry. i was just trying to help.”

kim nodded, accepting his apology. she knew he had right intentions, but she also didn’t want him to keep pushing her when she wasn’t ready yet.

kim’s perception caught her and she looked at the clock on the wall.

“it’s already an hour past makaya’s bedtime.”

“oh,” adam said, racking his mind with the next game plan. “but do you want us to stay with you until you move to the other room?”

kim shook her head, “no. no i’ll be fine. i’m getting pretty tired anyways.”

adam just agreed, waiting for the next move.

kim hesitated, trying to find the right words. “i know this is a lot to ask. but do you mind staying with her again tonight? i just need to figure out this situation.”

adam immediately cut her off, “of course i will. kim, i’ll stay with her until you can come home. i’ll stay with her forever.” he only realized what he said after the fact. but kim just grinned, taking in what adam just said.

she had tears welled up in her eyes, “thank you.”

adam just gently patted kim on the shoulder, and then ran down to makayla’s back.

then, all of a sudden, kim’s motherly instincts kicked in. “she usually wakes up around 8 on the weekends. and we usually go to a diner for breakfast to celebrate the long week and then we’ll always take 30 minutes to walk outside. most weekends she will take a nap, especially if we walk in the mornings. and um, you might want to ask her about how she wants her hair styled. she’s quite the fashionista.”

adam just nodded and gave his goofy grin. he heard maybe about half of kim’s advice and only retained about half of that. before adam could speak kim continued.

“and… makayla can have night terrors. it’s gotten better in the last few weeks, but when she has them, they’re pretty bad. screaming crying… just. if you need me, call me. i’ll see if i can help.”

adam was able to understand most of what kim was saying, “everything will be fine. you can trust me.” he reassured her.

kim just nodded, taking in a slow, deep breath. even if it was adam, letting go of your child just takes a toll on you.

adam calmly bent down and picked makayla up, who was still fast asleep. before he stood up, kim sat up and kissed makayla’s forehead. she whispered, “goodnight, buddy.”

and she then put her hand on adam’s forearm and whispered, “i appreciate you.”

adam just nodded and walked out the door and towards the exit. yes sure, right now he could’ve hoped to have been in different circumstances. but in this particular situation, he was content.

kim watched as two of the most important people in her life walked away. makayla. and adam.

she sighed, letting her eyes naturally fall heavy and sleep consume her. but instead of getting a peaceful, must needed sleep, she got her worst nightmare.

every time kim closed her eyes, all she could see was red. blood red. and hardened eyes of roy walton. and kent darby’s cold still body. immediately kim opened her eyes to the bright lights, but the images still evaded her brain. she couldn’t sleep. she couldn’t rest, not like this. not alone.

kim thought for a split second and decided to make in impulse decision. she pulled out her phone from under the blanket and quickly dialed the number before talking herself out of it. she let it ring, and when the person on the other line picked up, she spoke first.

“hey. can you come here?”

.

the entire car ride was silent back to their place. back to hailey’s place. sure jay had been staying there for a while, but he still had his place that he would occasionally go to for a change of clothes. him and hailey were meaning to have a conversation about consolidating to one place, but with everything going on, it looks like that’ll be pushed back to a less busier time.

jay was conflicted. and stressed. and confused. and upset. he couldn’t understand what was going on with hailey, and he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t being honest with him. and it upset jay even more that hailey was just starting to open up to him, yet something made her instantly shut herself off again. and he had a strong feeling that whatever made hailey this way happened when they weren’t together.

back at hailey’s apartment, she quietly got out of the truck and made her way to her room, not waiting on jay. once jay caught up to her, she had already walked inside and sat on the couch, not even turning the lights on.

“didn’t pay your light bill?” jay joked, coming in and closing the door behind him.

hailey didn’t bother to laugh. “i’m tired.”

jay gave a huff and sat down, not too near her. he studied her for a minute before speaking, noticing her furrowed eyebrows, how tired she really was. “where were you when kevin and i found kim?” jay asked, not faltering or stuttering, staring right at hailey.

hailey took a breath. not this again, she thought to herself.

“i’m tired, jay…”

jay didn’t let her finish. “hailey… where were you?”

hailey sat up, looking at jay with her droopy eyes, “why are you so adamant about knowing where i was?”

jay replied with a question, “why are you so adamant about not answering the question?”

hailey stuttered for a moment, “be,because there’s no reason for us to backtrack…”

jay stood up, tired of hailey’s excuses. “yes, there is, hailey. you’ve been acting different, ever since you came back to the apartment, ever since we split up. and you’re not telling me something. i can tell.”

hailey began to grow frustrated. she stood up, matching off with jay. “okay, yeah, maybe i’ve been acting different. maybe i’ve been acting strange and impulsive, but you want to know why? you really want to know why? because my friend, our friend jay, almost died. and i hadn’t seen her alive for almost 24 hours. and i hadn’t slept. so yeah, forgive me for acting ‘different.’ i mean, god, jay. you were the one who said to forget the case. so why can’t you seem to?”

hailey had worked herself up, beginning to pace back and forth and pointing her finger at jay. she was beginning to unravel, beginning to spill the truth to jay. but she managed to steer the conversation in a different way, still concealing the truth while not lying.

jay took a step forward in efforts to calm hailey down. he put his hands in his pockets apologetically. “hey, you’re right. and i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have judged your behavior in that moment. i didn’t mean to upset you.”

hearing hailey’s words, seeing her emotion, make jay regret asking that question. she was right. everyone was running off of adrenaline, and he couldn’t blame hailey for acting the way she was. but he still didn’t get the explanation he was hoping for. however, he figured he would just have to settle for not knowing where she was. or at least, he would have to settle not getting the answer from hailey. yet, jay was tired, and he was tired of fighting, so he wasn’t going to try anything else today.

hailey took a few deep breaths, calming herself down. “i need sleep. i’m going to head off to bed.” she didn’t verbally accept jay’s apology, but she took note of it. and down inside, she felt guilty that he even had to apologize. but all she wanted to do was avoid the situation, and right now sleep was her excuse.

jay was flabbergasted, he couldn’t understand what had happened in the last few conversations with hailey. she had just begun to open up, they were rather living together, they were spending their lives together. and then within mere hours of them split apart, everything changed. and now, when jay is trying to figure out why, hailey isn’t giving him much hints. jay can’t help but wonder if hailey doesn’t want to fight to go back to what it was, what they were. it was like their relationship was in an interlude, except the next part was to be determined and soon to be bad.

.

adam’s ride back to kim’s apartment was uneventful, with most people off the street and makayla sleeping the whole way. once he arrived, he eased his door closed and unstrapped makayla from her car seat. he carried her up the stairs and straight to her room. fortunately, she had worn her comfy pajamas to the hospital so adam had one less thing he had to do, which is mindfully thanked trudy for. he laid makayla down and tucked her in, not forgetting to snuggle her platypus next to her. he then headed towards the couch. kim’s room was not foreign territory, but it didn’t feel right not having kim there, and it brought up too many memories. all he wanted to do was sleep through the night so he could get back to her, and having a blank mind would help more than hurt.

he snuggled down into the couch, trying to make it as comfy as he can. he grabbed a spare blanket from one of the seats and covered up. before letting sleep consume him, he glanced around kim’s living room, noticing all of the changes she’s made since he last stayed here. all of the newly designed artwork from makayla’s school, the kid-proofed plastic dish ware in the kitchen. he grinned to himself, proud of all that kim has overcome. he knew she would be a hell of a good mom. he’s just glad that she’s proving to everyone else how she’s committed to both her job and her daughter. and as adam drifted off to sleep, his last thoughts were hopes of being apart of this family for a long long time.

it wasn’t but less than an hour of adam’s sleep when he awoke to terrible screams, so awful it made his blood curdle. he jumped awake, trying to gain his senses, remember where he was. when he heard the second scream he was up and headed straight towards it. straight to her. his head and heart were pounding, his mind only focused on makayla and getting to her. because based on the screams, she needed help fast.

as adam rounded the corner he opened the bedroom door, turned on the lights and took in the sight. makayla was still asleep but her body was tense, paralyzed with fear. her eyes were glued shut and she had broken into a cold sweat. adam eased his way on the bed and gulped.

it’s a night terror, adam thought to himself. kim told me about them.

adam racked his mind, trying to remember what kim said about makayla having them. he tried to remember anything useful that she said, but he was drawing a blank. but it doesn’t matter, he’ll have to just do it.

he reluctantly reached out, trying to calm makayla and see if she’ll settle. instead, as soon as he touched her shoulder she jolted awake, sitting up in bed. she grasped adam’s arms for fear life and looked around the room, terrified.

“hey hey hey, kiddo. you’re okay. you’re safe. it was just a nightmare.” adam cooed, trying to soother her.

makayla took a breath and shook her head, “i, i had a bad dream.” she realized as tears were in her eyes.

adam just stroked makayla’s arm, trying to get her to calm down. but inside his mind he was in overdrive, not knowing what to do or what to say. he just continued to soothe makayla, trying to find the right words.

“what does kim do now?” adam asked himself out loud for a sheer chance that an idea might spring up on him. when none came, he went with his gut.

“do you want to talk about it?” adam asked, slouching to makayla’s level.

at his question makayla frantically shook her head, the thoughts from her nightmare creeping back up to her. she was getting worked up again. “no, no, no, no.”

instincts failed, adam thought to himself. shit.

he immediately backtracked, going back to soothing her. “it’s okay. you don’t have to. it’s okay now.”

makayla looked up at adam, piercing through his eyes. “what if they come back for her?”

adam stopped, confused at makayla’s question. “what if who comes back for her? who is her?”

makayla swallowed, gathering up the courage to answer. she whispered ever so quietly, adam having to lean in to hear her. “kim. what if they come back for her?”

makayla’s words broke adam’s heart. shattered. he was at a lost for words. because he didn’t know what to say to her and because he didn’t have the answer. he didn’t know himself. and looking into those deep big brown eyes, so full of fear of losing another mom. he swallowed hard and took makayla’s shoulders, firm but comforting. he wanted to make sure she heard everything he was about to say.

“i won’t let that happen, makayla. i will protect her. i will protect both of you.”

he pulled makayla in for a tight hug, and surprisingly makayla gave in and relaxed in his arms. how she went from being reluctant of him to embracing his tough within 24 hours he didn’t know, but he appreciated earning her trust. and he wasn’t going to ruin it. after hearing makayla’s scares, he was more determined than ever to fight for them, her and kim. and this time he wasn’t going to let it go unknown how much he loved kim. he was going to make it right.

.

kim was trying to keep herself awake, find something to do to occupy her mind. every time she would even close her eyes the images of that warehouse flashed through her mind, and kim couldn’t think about that. she would only have to wait a little bit longer until he came anyways. only a few more minutes.

kim’s eyes grazed across the room and landed on the duffel bag at the foot of the bed. she had almost forgotten adam brought it. she slowly sat up and reached to grab it. once within her grasp, she lowered back onto the bed and zipped it open. what she saw on top almost made her lose her breath. one of adam’s old tshirt, one of her favorites. it was worn and stretched out and still held some form of his scent somehow. kim was slightly embarrassed that adam knew she still had it. when they called off the engagement, she had packed up most of his things the following day, trying to detoxify the situation as quick as possible, but she still kept that shirt because it was his favorite on her. and she kept it for the good memories of throwing it on in the morning before walking out to breakfast being made.

kim felt like it was almost foreign territory but still picked it up and ran her fingers over the soft fabric. she held it close, almost as giving it a hug, giving into the comfort. she was about to close her eyes, just now feeling safe when she heard a knock on the wall.

“hey i came as soon as you hung up.”

.

read the rest here on ao3!

[babyangellee]

Critical Condition

AHHH PART 3!

Summary- Upon further assessment, your injuries are a lot worse than expected

Warnings- too much cuteness and angst 

Word Count- 1.7k

AN- Please don’t kill me, I know it kind of short but I hope you love it!

[Part 1] [Part 2] 

The doctor quietly walked into the waiting room to see the group of agents, all of them were asleep except one. Spencer sat with his head in his hands, getting more anxious as the time ticked by. 

 "Y/N Y/L/N?" The doctor spoke causing Spencer's head to whip up immediately, quickly tapping JJ who was resting next to him. She jolted awake seeing the doctor, she tapped Emily which started a chain reaction. Soon enough all the agents were wide awake waiting for the doctor to continue. 

"Hi, my name is Doctor Feller. Let me start by saying that Y/N is definitely a fighter. When she came in we assessed that she had acute hypothermia, a concussion, and two stab wounds. Upon further examination, we realized that the stab wound to her abdomen was made at an angle and pierced her left lung. We were able to stabilize her long enough for surgery. We did have to restart her heart once but she bounced back right away. She is out of surgery and in the ICU now." 

No one knew how to process the doctor's words. They all stood there in shock trying to think of something to say or do. "Can we see her?" Your mother finally spoke up after a moment of silence. "She is still in critical condition but you may see her, I ask only two at a time in the room." Everyone nodded knowing that your mom and Spencer would go in first, there was no question about it. 

The doctor led them to your room and opened the door for them. Spencer walked in first, upon seeing you he closed his eyes. You laid there hooked up to machines and IVs. Your normally glowing skin was pale and your lips were blue. Your mom sighed and sat down in one of the chairs by your bed, Spencer following suit sitting on the other side. 

 Liv reached out and grabbed your hand with hers and brought it up to her mouth to kiss your knuckles. She couldn't stand to see you like this, she had already lost one of her children, she definitely couldn't lose the other. She was horrified when Hotch had informed her that it was Danny that did this to you. Her immediate reaction was to call her sister and scream at her for what her son had done, what pain he had inflicted on the family. Of course, her sister was just as shocked and scared as your mother was, begging to be kept informed of your condition. 

 Your mom was brought out of her thoughts when she heard Spencer talking. "Liv?" He asked gently. She looked up at him nodding for him to continue what he was going to say. "Can I show you something?" He was quiet and careful with his words, like maybe if he spoke too loud or in a certain tone, something bad would happen. "Of course sweetheart," She responded, matching his tone and volume. 

He slowly took the hand that wasn't holding yours and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a small velvet box and handed it to your mom. She gasped reaching out and grabbing it. She let go of your hand to open the box and saw a gorgeous diamond ring inside. "I've been carrying that around for three months, waiting for the right time to ask." He slightly chuckled to himself. He wanted everything about his proposal to be perfect because to him you were the most perfect girl in the world.  

 "She's going to love it." Liv breathed out examining the beautiful rose gold ring. "I hope so, I had to recruit JJ and Will to help me pick it out. It took us weeks to decide." He explained, remembering them yelling at each other in the middle of a jewelry store while the worker tried to call them down. That was just the first trip, after that, they decided that they needed to bring Will along to play mediator.  

 After about an hour Spencer and Liv finally stood up and left the room wanting to give everyone else a chance to see you. Emily and JJ went in next, they only stayed for a few minutes, the sight of you being too hard to look at. Then Rossi and Hotch went, leaving Derek and Penelope to go in last. 

 Seeing you was hard on Derek, you were like a little sister to him and he hated seeing his family hurt. Seeing you tied to that chair in pain was still burned into the inside of his eyelids and all he wanted was to wake up and realize that this was all some sick, twisted nightmare. He'd wake up on the jet to see you and Spencer sitting across from him playing an intense game of chess (that you were of course losing) giggling about some stupid little fact. But it wasn't a dream. This was real life and you were her sitting in front of him in the hospital. 

 Much like JJ and Emily, Derek and Garcia couldn't stand to see you like that so they made their visit brief. Within 45 minutes, Spencer was back in the room holding your hand, while your mom went to go get some food and coffee for everyone. 

"Hey Y/N." He breathed tears forming in his eyes again. "I don't know if you can hear me or not but I hope you can. I love you, and I really need you. I can't do this without you, I don't want to do this without you. So I need you to keep fighting and to wake up and come back to me, come back to all of us. I need you to wake up because Y/N I want more than anything to marry you and grow old with you. So you need to wake up. You need to come back. Please." Spencer couldn't stop the sob that racked his body as he stared at you. 

 After a while Hotch had told everyone to go home and get some rest, they could visit you tomorrow. Your mom and Spencer had stayed behind, wanting to be the first ones updated if anything happened. It's a good thing that they did because around seven in the morning Doctor Feller came in to do his checkup. 

 "Good news! Her O2 stats are going up, at this rate we should be able to take her off the ventilator tomorrow and wean her off some of the medication." He smiled writing something down on his clipboard. "What does that mean?" Your mom asked sitting up for her sleeping position on the couch in the room. "That means she's on the path to waking up real soon." With that, he grabbed his clipboard and left. Spencer and Liv released a breath neither realized they were holding. 

The next couple of days were painstakingly long for everyone, you weren't getting any better but you weren't getting any worse either. Everyone came by to visit you multiple times and your mom even called your dad. Spencer was originally taken aback by it knowing that your dad was a touchy subject with your mom after he left he still wanted to stay in contact with you and Liam. After Liam died it was weird, Your mom and Dad didn't speak to each other anymore, and you hardly went to see him. After the funeral, you didn't see him again until a year later at your high school graduation. He knew that your parents hadn't spoken in twelve years. 

Hotch offered to have an Agent fly out to Pasadena on the jet and get him but he declined. He said he would be on the next flight out and he was. He arrived a day after he got the call. 

 "You must be Mr. Y/L/N, I'm Spencer." This was a rare exception to Spencer's rule about handshakes. Despite the current situation he wanted to make a good impression on your father. He reached his hand out giving your dad a firm handshake. “Call me Kevin.” While the time passed Spencer got to know your dad and even told him about the ring. Your dad gave his approval and his blessing which meant a lot to Spencer, seeing as they had just met.

 Days turned into a week before the doctor finally told them that you were stable enough to be taken off the ventilator. A day later they started taking you off some of the medications and you were scheduled to wake up. "She should be waking up soon, she's going to be a little out of it but she will definitely be happy to see some familiar faces." And with that Doctor Feller walked away urging someone to go in. After much discussion, Spencer decided that he was going to go in alone. 

 When he walked in he could have sworn his heart melted. You were starting to look better already, your skin wasn't as pale, your lips were back to their normal color, and your chest was rising and falling all on its own. He sat down next to you and grabbed your hand giving it a small squeeze, but what he didn't expect was to feel you squeeze right back as you started to stir and your eyes fluttered open. 

"Hi love," Spencer breathed out with a huge grin on his face. You mustered up all your strength and gave a small smile back whispering a hey back. He looked at you before reaching out and brushing a hair out of your face and then reaching down and grabbing your hand again. "Listen there is something I need to say and it really can't wait any longer." He was talking fast which he only did when he was nervous. You just squeezed his hand again and nodded to the best of your ability urging him to continue. He didn't know if this was the right timing or not but this is something he needed to do and he needed to do it now. He just hoped that you liked it because this was a big deal and he needed it to be just right. 

"Will you marry me?"

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