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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 1 year ago

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Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

#only friends the series #only friends meta #rose and neely ramble #thai bl #ofts

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master-of-the-railway · 10 months ago

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Relating to your post on the subtle angst of being a machine, I hunger for all the possible physical angst elements. Where is the fear of limited or increasingly costly repair parts? Where is the worry of the shrinking pool of mechanical experts (engine troubleshooters)? The simple inescapable awareness that one's moving parts are constantly degrading? Horror relating to corrosive/damaging environments? Complex emotional trauma and strange coping mechanisms in response to the reality of their entire "family" slowly *literally* falling apart?

YES!!! YESS!!! FUCK YES!!! SOMEONE THAT GETS IT!!!!!

going to. put this under the cut bc I have SO MUCH TO SAY.

You get it SO well, so many good points there. All things come to an end, and engines especially can be kept alive for over a hundred years if they are well taken care of, but there's so many who are not as valued or who simply cannot be taken care of as well as their owners want to take care of them. And they can rarely do things about it. It's honestly admirable that some of the Sodor engines have worked so hard to protect and preserve their fellow rolling stock. Oliver is a beloved little engine, but he likely stays up some nights thinking about how if Douglas hadn't happened upon him, he wouldn't even be here right now. He'd have been melted down ages ago. Not to bring up Hiro again but he is literally the first engine that comes to mind when I think of this sort of thing. He went to Sodor so excited to be helpful and useful and was promptly abandoned not long after he'd broke down. He was stuck there for god knows how long and if Thomas hadn't found him, by accident mind you, he would've corroded and died there most likely. And yet he would've rather done that then get scrapped. Almost as if he wanted to pass away on his own terms. Like I mentioned before, we're shown often that most of the kind-hearted engines (specifically on Sodor) will put forth their best effort to keep any machine out of the smelters. Thomas listened to Hiro's story and was likely deeply disturbed that Hiro had been abandoned like that and not a single person dared to look hard enough to find him when he was still on Sodor this whole time. But with his horror, came understanding, because he knows the reality of even some of the most famous locomotives at times can be harsh and even deadly. And Spencer showed no care or concern at all, not only that, but he almost seemed delighted to inform Sir Tophamn Hatt of Hiro's existence purely to ensure that he was scrapped. He knew nothing about Hiro. He doesn't even LIVE on Sodor. And yet he took great pride in the concept of getting the old engine scrapped. As if that does not mean the very end of an engine's life. It's honestly really unsettling to me how quickly Spencer jumped to that conclusion. Not to mention the tearful horror in Hiro's voice when he was yelling out to Thomas whilst trying to get away from Spencer.

Henry was locked in a tunnel for fearing the rain would damage his coat. How often did he beg those workers that would come by to let him out? How many times do you think he cried feeling like he'd failed his entire railway and that he'd never be released again? There was no sympathy shown for him. And no acknowledgement to the terror he very likely felt for the time he was trapped there in that tunnel. He got sick not long afterwards, the anguish he went through in that time period was probably something awful. Most all machines are at the mercy of their employers. They don't have the appendages to escape the situations they get in that some humans might be able to get out of. If you deprive any machine of their fuel they cannot go anywhere. If you refuse to repair them they cannot go anywhere or function properly. There's a reason they pride themselves on being really useful. If you're not really useful, you're either sent away or you're...well...sent somewhere to be scrapped. It's the way the world works with real, non-sentient machines...and it seems like the TTTE universe operates on those same principals despite being a world where 99% of all heavy machinery is alive and can think and speak for themselves. Sometimes it's just progression, sometimes it's business, but at no time is it ethical. They are alive. They have wants and desires and emotions and fears, yet very few of the humans in their world seem capable of understanding that. There's so many scary things that come with being an engine. If you're too slow and you get less done than a new model, you're likely done for unless somebody cares enough about you to take you in and restore you. Sodor seems to work overtime to preserve old rolling stock, I'm sure they would've taken incredible care of Hiro had he not went home to Japan, and it seems like they did miss him there considering that he's still very well taken care of when he comes to visit Sodor after he'd moved back home. But there's so many engines who don't have that luxury. Hiro just as well could've been sent back or left sitting still, of course whoever owns him now clearly cares for him a great deal. The other types of machines aren't as touched on as our beloved engines are, but they surely experience the same kind of stuff. Airplanes may just as easily feel the same anxieties as old steamers do. They get antsy when they can't fly because what is a plane good for if it can't get off the ground? There's just SO many things to talk about. I really do think the fandom should include things like this in angst content more bc there is a lot of the show's own canon that is genuinely unsettling when put into real world perspectives.

#thomas and friends #thomas & friends #ttte #Discussion Board #<- tag for asks/post that aren't rlly headcanons but aren't au talk either #THE HORRORS OF BEING A MACHINE!!! CLAP FOR THE HORRORS!!!#I'm usually not the type to get overly dreadful with discussions especially of a show like this but HOW CAN I NOT.#Ttte is unreasonably fucked up for a kids show like the implications are INSANE #it seems normal in theory but when you analyze it even the tiniest bit it quickly becomes not normal.#sorry if some things don't make sense but RAAHGHH I LOVE THIS CONCEPT SO MUCH.#I'm a big machine lover in the way of I don't know everything about them but am incredibly fascinated by them and trying to learn everythin

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serendertothesquad · 1 month ago

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Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "The Other Ozzie" Episode Followup, Part 1

Well, this can either go really really great! Or it can go like "this shit...is so ass".

According to the fandom, this is a good episode, so I'm hoping that'll be the case for me as I pry off my cynic glasses, smile, and kick back at this episode that is titled similarly to "The New Ozzie" BUT IT BETTER NOT BE LIKE "THE NEW OZZIE" OR ELSE I WILL RI-

Let's get started with a followup on our last pre-finale episode. Below the break!

Fun fact: there's this family in my area who goes around to stores and supposedly plays the violin, except they don't and they're faking it.

That's what this is, but on a less egregious scale.

...Oh. It's a Jon episode. He wrote "A Dish Served Odd" previously, I believe.

Again, as long as it's not Omar or Tasha. I'll take what I can get.

Keytar, Ozzie. It's called a keytar.

Man can't know his instruments worth a hill of beans.

DO NOT THE POKE CHILD.

NOT

THE POKE

CHI-

Okay, I said what I said about the violin family as a half joke! I didn't think it would actually come true!

I believe this is what people call "the world's most punchable face".

But...you can't really punch a child unless you wanna be a big-shot asshole, so...

Orli once again displaying God's gift of self-awareness of what series she's in and what universe she's in, while also missing the entire damn point at the same time.

"He's from an alternate universe."

So anyway, here's my 300-page bible on Agent Mandy and Peaches, my two OCs from an alternate uni- why are you getting in your car. WHERE ARE YOU GOING. LEMME GUSH ABOUT MY ODD SQUAD CROSSOVER ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE, PLE-

Hold on, hold on. So this is something that's FUCKING NORMALIZED FOR THIS PRECINCT?!?!?!?!

That's such a fucking cool concept and it took them 10 fucking years to implement it why?!?!?!?!

So the way I see it, this is a world where Odd Squad: The Movie is made many, many times over.

...The movie we know has already been proven to be canon in this universe...

I want you to sit on this. Really sit on it. Think of the sheer possibilities. Think of all the fanfic material.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BUM-BUUUUUUUUM BUM-DA-DUMMMMM-

"We usually end our cases with math."

You guys remember when Omar -- the agent, not the writer -- interrupted a math lesson with "WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT MATH?!?!"

This isn't exactly the same thing, but God if this isn't the most self-aware shit of the entire fucking season right here.

Mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: a villain turning things and people purple is very reminiscent of the show's pilot, which had Olive showing a slide of the same thing happening to a family.

Different countries, same oddness, abso-fuckin'-lutely a reference or you can bite my hot dog package whole.

...Oh no.

OHHHHHHH NO.

I THOUGHT THIS WAS FROM THE FUCKING FINALE. WHAT DO YOU M E A N IT'S FROM THIS EPISODE?????

*long sigh* Bad enough when Goopy Gus reared his ugly head, now they're doing it for Canadian-exclusive villains.

I'm going to get one of my biggest gripes out of the way now: the Baroness of Goo. She was portrayed as a villainess last season, but wasn't a villainess in Season 2. And Season 2 would be right, because she's not villainous; she's just incredibly hard to please. Why this franchise is so keen on painting her otherwise, when they have 10 years' worth of villains in a rogues gallery, I will never understand.

Of course, you should know my biggest gripe is that 3/4 of the villains on this board are Canadian. Lady Bread, Threesie Louise-ie, Game Show Gary, Mr. Lightning, the Baroness, the Stitcher, Father Time, Monsieur Papier-Mache, Goopy Gus, and the Waffler are all Canadian. (William Ocean is a bit blurred since he originated in Season 3, but it's not in the UK where he debuts. The Stitcher is a bit of an exception since she travels, but the sentiment is the same and it's implied she traverses in Canada so I'm including her.) We've had numerous villains they could have used to fill the board, up to and including the Terrible Three if they wanted to aim for foreshadowing. Instead Jon gave us nonsensical callbacks like this instead of narrowing the count down for an 11-minute episode or reworking the moral so the board isn't there at all.

Genuinely was not expecting this, and I had high hopes for this episode, but this is easily one of the most maddening things in the entire season bar whatever the fuck happens in the finale and now I am extremely pissed off.

Jon, I respect you, but don't do this. Either halve the board, or don't have it at all and focus on another mathematical aspect. None of these Canadian villains have any righteous reason to be in the UK, unless...

...Unless this season is trying to paint this as Anytown, Anycountry. And if they're doing that, then fuck you genuinely. Could have just said "Manchester" and been done with it, but nope.

*another long sigh* God, and we're only 3 minutes in. At this point I'm holding out for the in-universe blooper reel.

Ohhhh, so it's a dumber Ozzie.

I'd have liked it if he were more egotistical than dumb, but let's just hope this will be the funny stupid and not the "I'm going to army-crawl through non-comedic bullets" stupid.

These halls really shouldn't be echoing, and I don't think audio should be coming from the left audio channel only, either.

Now how in the hell does he get "Osner" from "Orli"?

To everyone who has ever questioned how the franchise handles memes, I need you to look at this, and then look at me as I tell you, "There's no fucking hope for an Among Us cameo or anything rent-free unless you really stretch your brain."

The Math Lady meme was already dated when "Villains Helping Villains" came out. Now it seems like the only how-do-you-do-fellow-kids thing they're willing to lean back on because it involves math. Which is stupid, and they really could commit to adding more memetic things if they wanted to.

Jon, what in the absolute fuck are you doing?

If I really wanted to, I could view this as some sort of jab at the acting industry. Maybe...not in the UK, but definitely in America.

Autonomy is as dead in his world as chivalry.

Now, see, you notice how a good chunk of the Canadian villains are crossed out here? Now we only have Mr. Lightning, the Baroness, the Stitcher and the Waffler as outliers.

...Oh my God, if it's the Baroness I'm going to launch myself into my yard and beat the ground and scream infinitely.

"And you're doing this without a script?"

"Well...yes, but also no. You see, I'm playing a character named Orli on a show called Odd Squad, so before each take, I have to read a script and-"

"Oh my gosh, we're twins!"

Alexander Shaw busted ass for his fucking paycheck this week, and he will not let you forget it.

I won't forget, because I respect the grind.

Orli you DENSE motherfucker. She kinda has to say it, because...y'know...the math lesson. Don't act like ya don't know!

I'm sorry, but there's not much that can beat the hairwear of the museum curator in "Ahead of the Times". That's one of the best designs in the entire franchise!

I'd normally crack on this book, but purple is a very strong indicator color for power, so there being a villains' guide for it kinda makes sense.

That being said, the more I think about whether it's the Baroness or not, the sicker I get.

NNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAHCK.

Okay, it's not the Baroness, I'm relieved, but still...this callback fucking pains me. How we went from "A Dish Served Odd" to this shit I will never understand.

Keep things linear. No episode callbacks. If you're doing one, make it smooth. This is as rough as riding in a Jeep.

Looking this up, I'm aware it's a Sherlock reference.

And frankly, I'm not fond of it.

Ahh, see, and it looks even goofier than when Mudbriar did the same thing in MLP!

They can try and disguise it all they want, but I know it's a Math Lady meme reference because I know my fucking shit.

(On to Part 2!)

#seren's studies #odd squad #odd squad pbs kids #odd squad uk

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t0mcruize123 · 9 months ago

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March 5th

Fourth March 5th💞🫶

Yeah this one broke my heart a little to write hope you all enjoy it😭🫶

Fourth March 5th:

I tapped my fingers on the table, my eyes flicking to the door anytime someone enters or exits. I had no idea how I was going to start this conversation. How do I tell him that as soon as I pulled away last year, I knew I'd made the biggest mistake of my life? How do I tell him I made that last minute decision for his benefit? That I thought if I told him I didn't want to fall in love with him, that I would be helping him in some way? And most important, how do I bring up the fact that I moved back to New York just for him? Well, not exactly just for him. I did make a huge career change a few months ago but still.

A lot can change in a year, so I'm terrified he may have changed his mind. He may not even want to be with me like he did last year. He may still be so pissed at me, he doesn't even show up.

But that's not really why I'm nervous.

I'm nervous because I know he will. He always shows up. But this year, I have no idea where we stand. We left on really bad terms last year and I take complete blame, but he has to understand that if the shoe were on the other foot, he would have done the same for me. If I had made such a huge declaration in the midst of so much suffering, he would have acknowledged that maybe I wasn't in the best place to make such a life-altering decision. And he certainly can't fault me for encouraging him to stay and help out his family. It was the right thing. He would have done the same for me. He just took it as hard as he did because he was already having such an emotional I almost feel like showing up unannounced last year was a bad idea. I feel like my time there did more damage than it did good.

My thoughts are interrupted when a hand comes to rest on my shoulder. I look up, expecting to see David standing there. And I do ... but it's not just David. It's David and . . . a baby.

My head feels like it’s spinning and I try to process each thing separately. First, the fact that David showed up. And he's smiling at me as I stand up to hug him, so that's enough to elicit a huge sigh of relief.

Second, his arm is wrapped around this baby boy who is perched up on his hip, leaning his head against David’s chest. Seeing him with Vi’s boy like this assures me that both of us made the right choice last year, whether he agreed to it at the time or not.

I was hoping to meet his nephew at some point today, but I thought I'd have a chance to talk to David first, one-on-one, about how we left things last year. But I can adapt. Especially for a baby as cute as this one.

He's grinning shyly at me and I can see so much of Vi in him. When David releases me from the hug, he smiles down at the little boy.

"I'd like you to meet Oliver." He picks up Oliver's tiny wrist and waves it at me.

I lift my hand and Oliver immediately reaches his arms out to me. Shocked, I let him come to me, pulling him against me the same way David was holding him.

"He likes the pretty ladies," David says with a wink, releasing him once I have hold of him. "Let me grab a high chair."

David walks away, so I take a seat with Oliver, setting him on the table in front of me. "Aren't you a cutie," I say to him. And he is. He seems like a very happy baby and that makes me happy for Violet. But still, sadness seeps in when I think about Danny never meeting his son. I push the thought out of my head when David returns with the high chair.

He pushes it against the edge of the booth and then secures Oliver in it. I didn't even notice the diaper bag David had over his shoulder until he removes it to take a seat. He fishes through the bag until he finds a container of snacks, and then he sets some Cheerios out on the table in front of Oliver, but not before wiping it down first. The whole time, he talks to Oliver in a respectful, peer type of way. He doesn't indulge in baby talk, and I'd be lying if I said it isn't adorable seeing him interact with an infant like they're on the same level.

David really has this baby thing down. It's impressive. And kind of sexy.

"How old is he now?"

“6 months," David says. “A few weeks early, but he was fine."

Davis reaches his hand across the table and squeezes mine, and my chest heats up from the small gesture. "It's really good to see you,” he says, brushing his thumb over mine. "Really.”

The sincerity in his eyes makes me want to lunge across this table and kiss him right here. He doesn't hate me. He isn't mad at me. I feel like I just took my first breath of pure air in a year.

I flip my hand over to hold his, but as soon as I do, he pulls away to push Oliver's snacks closer to him. "I'm sorry I had to bring him. Vi had to work today and the sitter canceled last minute."

"It's fine," I tell him. And honestly, it is. I love watching him interact with Oliver. It adds another layer to him that I haven't witnessed before. "How is Vi”

"Good," David nodded, "Really good. She's such a great mom. Danny would be proud." He says the last sentence quieter than the rest. "What about you? How's Chicago?”

I don't know how to answer that. I don't feel now is the right time to bring it up, so I avoid the question. "This is always so weird. Seeing you for the first time in a year. I never know what to say or do."

I'm lying. It's never been weird before, but thanks to last year, it feels very awkward today.

He reaches across the table and places his hand over my wrist, giving it a light squeeze.

"I'm nervous, too," he says reassuringly.

His eyes drop to our hands, and then he pulls his back and clears his throat. It's cute how he's trying to be respectful in front of Oliver.

“Have you ordered yet?" He picks up the menu and stares at it silently for a moment, but I can tell he isn't reading it.

He's more nervous than he should be, but we did leave things off in an awkward place last year. I worry that it isn't nerves plaguing him, but maybe a little bit of bitterness. I know I hurt him last year, but surely he's had time to understand why I did what I did.

And hopefully he knows that walking away from him when he was in so much pain was probably harder on me than it was on him. I've spent the entire last year with a heavy heart because it's constantly on my mind.

We both order something to eat and he makes sure to add a side of mashed potatoes for Oliver, which I find adorable. I try to alleviate our nerves with small talk.

During a lull in our conversation, David spoons a bite of mashed potatoes into Oliver's mouth. The baby rubs his eyes and looks as though he's about to nod off right into his bowl.

"Can he say any words yet?"

David smiles down at Oliver, brushing a hand over his tiny head. "A couple. I'm pretty sure he says them by accident, though. He mostly talks gibberish." He laughs and then says, "He did say his first curse word, though. We keep his baby monitor on at night and last week, clear as day, he said the word shit. Little guy is starting early," he says, pinching Oliver playfully on his cheek. Oliver smiles up at him, and when he does, everything hits me at once.

David treats Oliver like a father would treat a son.

Oliver looks at David like he's his dad.

David referred to himself and Violet as a "we."

And they keep Oliver's baby monitor on at night . .. which means . . . they share a bedroom?

I suck in a breath the moment I feel my entire world turn on its axis. I grip the table when the clarity hits.

I feel like such an idiot.

David notices the change in my demeanor immediately, and when my eyes lock with his, he begins to slowly shake his head, realizing his slip up. ditional words to follow up my name. It's clear that I know, and he does nothing to dismiss my assumption. He's drowning in an apologetic look.

Instant jealousy.

Building, raging, insane jealousy.

I'm forced to get up from my seat and rush to the bathroom, because I refuse to let him see how much this completely destroyed me in a matter of seconds.

He calls after me, but I don't pause. I'm thankful he brought Oliver with him, because now he can't run after me.

I rush straight to the sink and I grip the edges of it, staring at myself in the mirror.

Calm down, Don't cry. Save the heartbreak for when you get home.

I'm not prepared for this. I have no idea how to deal with this.

It feels like my heart is literally breaking. Cracking right down the middle, bleeding out into my chest, filling my lungs with blood, making it impossible to breathe.

Holding the tears back proves even more difficult when the door to the bathroom opens and shuts. I look up to see David standing there, holding Oliver, looking at me with a deep layer of regret.

I close my eyes so I don't have to see his reflection in the mirror. I drop my head between my shoulders and I just start crying.

David takes a few hesitant steps forward until hes right behind me and gently grips my elbow. I brush his hand away and grab a towel to wipe my tear stained face clean.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." he confessed, “I’ll never feel the same connection with Vi that I have with you, but Oliver makes up for anything our relationship lacks,” he kept talking but I didn’t want to listen, “neither of us saw it coming-“

I turned to see Oliver resting against David’s chest with his eyes closed. I forced myself to take a deep breath and meet his eye.

“Are you in love with her?" I immediately cover my and shake my head in regret. Do I even want to know the answer?

"Please don't answer that." I walked towards the door and passed him, “I need to leave.”

David backed up until he was pressed against the door, holding it shut.

"Not like this. Please, don't leave yet. Give me a chance to explain."

"Explain what?" I half yelled. "Do you want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you didn't mean to fall in love with your dead best friends wife? Do you expect me to argue with you when you tell me it isn't just about what you want anymore, but about what's better for your nephew? Do you expect me to apologize for lying to you last year when I said I didn't want to love you?"

The words were falling out of me and I couldn’t get them to stop, “I get it, David. It's my fault. I'm the one who walked away last year when you tried to love me.'

David pulled me to the side, wrapping his free hand around the back of my head and pressing my face to his shoulder. He pressed his lips against the side of my head and I gripped his shirt as the tears began to fall faster and faster. It was too late.

I was too late.

Oliver begins to squirm in his arms and when David let go of me I bolted out the bathroom door. I grabbed my purse and headed straight to the exit without looking back. I pulled out my car keys but before I could use them David yanked them out my hand.

“David!” David unlocked his own car and strapped a sleeping Oliver in the backseat, “Give me my keys!”

"You can't leave hating me," he handed me the keys, "Not after everything we've been-"

"I don't hate you,” I cut in as the tears continued to spill, "This was part of the deal, wasn't it? We live our lives. We date other people. We fall in love with our dead friends wives. And in the end, we see what happens. Well, we've reached the end, David. A little early, but it's definitely the end."

He looked past me, too ashamed to make eye contact.

"We still have one more year, We don't have to end it today."

I shook my head and wiped away my angry tears, "I know I promised, but ... I can't. There's no way in hell I'm putting myself through this again. You have no idea what this feels like," I yelled, holding my hand to my chest.

"Actually I know exactly what it feels like." He pegged me with a stare. I had no idea how heartbroken i left him and had no idea that Violey was there for him when I wasn't. David was there for Violet when Danny wasn’t. And after losing two people they loved and being United with Oliver….no wonder they got together. It wasn’t planned, they weren’t sure they wanted it, but it happened and now David was a father.

I pushed around him to try and open my car but he grabbed my hand before I could. There was a quiet plea in his eyes and I paused to look up at him.

“Why did you drive here today?" He stared at me.

Confusion washed over me and I shook my head, "That was our agreement. It's March 5th.”

He squeezed my hand, “Exactly. You usually come straight from the airport when we meet. Why are you in a car and not a cab?"

I stared up at him as defeat consumed me. I exhaled slowly and looked down. This wasn’t how I planned on telling him.

“I moved back,” I shrugged with tearful eyes, “Surprise.”

He stumbled back as though he was physically effected, “when?”

"Last month."

He leant against my car and buried his face in the palms of his hands, trying to keep it together. Clearly he’d come here today for clarity, closure, hoping that seeing me would stop the war inside of him whenever he was with Vi.

And clarity is exactly what he was getting. Since the second David walked into the restaurant and laid eyes on me that feeling was back in his chest. The one he’s never felt with any other girl. The feeling that made him so terrified, he thought his heart was about to burst right out.

Hed never had that feeling with anyone else but he still don't know if that's enough to make a difference. Because It's about what's better for Oliver. But even that doesn't seem like sound logic when he was standing right in front of the only girl who had ever made me feel this way.

David wrapped his arms around me desperately, needing to feel me against him. I closed my eyes and try to think of words that will fix this, but the only words that come are all the things I shouldn't say. "How did we let this happen?"

David was being unfair to Violet but she was also being unfair to him, because she was never going to love him like she loved Danny. And she knew that David would never feel the same way about her as he did with me.

I tried to pull away but David held me tight, "Wait. Please just answer one question."

I sighed against him but stood still,

"Did you move back to New York for me? For us?"

I deflated against him in answer and he squeezed me tighter. He lifted my chin and our gazes slid to each other.

"Do you love me?"

My eyes grew wide because I’d been in love with David Aames for nearly 5 years but I wasn’t going to tell him that - certainly not tonight.

"Please. I can't make this decision until I know that I'm not alone in how I feel about you."

I shook my head, my heart beating in its cage, “I'm not about to compete with a woman who is raising a child on her own, David. I won't be the one who took you from her when she's already been through too much. So don't worry, you don't have to make any decisions. I just made it for you."

I try to push past him but he grabs my face and tries to plead with me.

"Please," he whispered, “Not again. We can't make it through this if you walk away again."

My brow furrowed in anger and I shoved him back, “You didn't give me a choice this time, David. You showed up in love with someone else. You share another woman's bed. Your hands touch someone who isn't me. Your lips make promises against skin that isn't mine. And no matter who is at fault for that, whether it's mine for walking away last year or yours for not knowing I did it for your own good, none of it changes things. It is what it is."

I slipped past his grip and opened the car door, my chest aching and my mind a whirring mess. I could barely think but I knew what I was doing was right.

"They're lucky to have you. You're a really great father to him."

I got in the car and he stood frozen to the ground, unable to move. Unable to speak. Unable to beg.

I rolled down the window and hastily wiped my eyes, “I won’t be back next year. I just can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”

He gripped the door of the car and leaned towards the window, “You are one of the only things I care about please just-“

I pulled the car away and never once slowed down. David pounded on the back of the car and chased me until he was panting for breath and covered in sweat, but I didn’t stop.

He yelled and cursed from behind me but nothing was going to make me turn around. I was never coming back here, he’d moved on it was my time to move on back in Chicago. Fuck our agreement, me and David Aames were done.

For good.

#fanfic #tom cruise #march 5 #vanilla sky #david aames #romance

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bitchylandtyphoon · 1 year ago

Text

Type - Pt.1

Oliver Wells x shyish reader

You silently watched Angela press the icons on her tablet and demonstrate each one’s purpose. It’s been a few hours, and you’ve learned so much. She was a good teacher. “Ok, so if you want to upload a sketch and compare it to the international database,” she points her manicured finger to the screen. “Choose this option, but if you want a certain country's database, pick this option and scroll through the list.” She looks at you to see if you understand, and you simply nod.

“Ok, great. I think that's enough for today. Do you wanna grab lunch with me? Brennan’s with Booth, and Hodgin’s still working.” She asks as she puts her coat on.

“Yeah, that’d be great.” You reply as you grab your belongings. Dr. Saroyan has recently hired you to be the assistant face reconstructor and tech helper since she cut Angela’s hours. Working on the small cases when she was off. You were also new to the city and had to make new friends, adapting to the new area. You were really glad Angela was such a nice person, she was the first person your introverted self really got to know.

“SO,” Angela exclaimed. “Have you met anyone?” She asked with a cheeky grin and teasing tone. You shy away “ Oh, please. Do you know how hard it was to talk to Finn, If I can’t talk to him, how am I going to talk to others, let alone other guys.” You slung your bookbag over your shoulder as you both exited her office. “Come on, you’re literally the hottest chick here, there is no way you couldn’t at least get some guy's attention.”

“I-, well thank you but guys like confident and hot girls like you, not when they're shy as a preschooler.” “So step out of your bubble, what can go wrong?” Angela stops and looks at you desperately.

You stop to look at her. “I’ll make a fool of myself.” Looking down, you continued walking until you felt your shoulder bashed. “Oh, I’m sorry-” “Can’t you look where you walk?” He says with an irritated tone, looking back at you with a scowl. You took in his features in the quick second you had; untamed brown wavy hair, brown eyes, lean physique. For a rude dude, he was pretty attractive.

“Hey, it was just an accident. Don’t need to be a douche.” Angela steps in, and you mentally note to thank her later, knowing you would've walked away as usual.

“Yes, it’s my fault that they had their head down, and chose to walk instead of paying attention to others.” He proceeded to walk away.

“I can’t believe men like him are allowed to exist,” Angela rolled her eyes and peered at you. “Are you okay, though?” She asks as her hand touches your upper arm.

“No, I’m okay.” You gave her a small smile, you both walked towards the exit.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s been a couple of days since the encounter with the douche, but you couldn’t forget about him. Something was alluring about him, and you didn’t know if it was your bad taste in men or his pretty brown eyes and harsh persona.

You are currently sitting in Angela’s office, finishing up a sketch of the current victim. She was believed to have been murdered over 30 years ago, a simple librarian. You analyzed the skull and sketched faint lines and the arch of the victim's cheekbones. Even though you had the identity down, you wanted to practice.

“Hey” “Angela? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be preparing for Brenann’s wedding?” You inquired, hearing loud noises from the platform. “Listen, I need you to do me a favour and quickly get this done, especially before Brenann’s wedding,” She replied

Yeah, of course, what is it?” “Basically, Brennan is getting worried, and she’s not gonna have a calm wedding without this case being done. And I need you because I need someone to help the interns recreate a scenario. Would you be able to do that?” Oh my gosh, that's what all the noise is. You peered through the glass and saw all the interns, including the douche. You internally groaned, you were only familiar with the team, and getting used to the new interns is a whole ‘nother level. “Listen, I really need it, and I know you’re not comfortable with them, but they really aren't that bad. Just imagine them as a pack of smart and horny virgins, except for Wendell and Clark, the virgin part.” “How do you even know- oh right, you and Wendell.” You looked down at your sketch. You know it would be awkward at first, but it’d be a great way to meet them all. Plus, you're as good as Angela with her program. It’d be fine. You exhaled, you knew you were going to regret it.

You looked at Angela, she had her desperate look on; eyebrows scrunched, slightly hunched, head tilted. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“OMG, thank you so much. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” She quickly dashes out of her room, and you watch through the glass as she talks to the interns.

You hoped you wouldn’t embarrass yourself in front of the smart dorks, it’s already embarrassing in front of the douche. You quickly gathered yourself and continued drawing the victim's face.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That's quite an impressive drawing.” You jumped as you felt someone's breath hit your shoulder. “Ha, thank you-” You turned around to meet the eyes of the douche from before, groaning internally.

“The zygomatic arch is too high, though, and the eyes are too close.” He rambled on while you took the criticism. You didn’t mind, you knew he was just trying to help or simply belittle you.

“Right, thanks…” You proceeded to take a picture of the drawing to compare it to the actual victim's face.

“I’ll be taking the skull now.” He grabs the tray with the skull on it, walking away quickly. He didn’t even ask you, you rolled your eyes.

“Hi there, you must be the new mini Angela. I’m Fisher, one of the better-looking interns.” He introduced himself, a flirty smile appearing.

“Oh, hi. It’s Y/N and yeah, I guess I am.” You laughed a little, liking his manners.

Well, Y/N, here are the inputs for the Angelatron. If you need anything, and I mean anything. I’m your guy.” He winks as he hands you a file. Well, thank you, I’ll take that into consideration.” You grabbed the file and watched as he walked away, taking a quick glance as he exited the office. Well, that was weird.” You chuckled to yourself, tucking your hair behind your ear. Your face feels hot. —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You finished creating the scenario in about half an hour, driven by the relief you’ll feel after finishing the case. You had concluded the victim fell downstairs and even found the building that matched the injuries. Now that you have completed your work, you have to consult with the interns. You walked to the door and inhaled. Gosh, why couldn’t this be easy? You slowly walked towards the platform, already feeling the sweat form in your palms.

BEEP BEEP BEEP. The alarm went off as you climbed the platform, startling the interns and causing them to look at you. You were frozen and felt the heat rushing to your face. “Hah, don’t worry, I got you.” You watched as a young, pale man with blue eyes, blonde hair, and a strong build jogged toward you and swiped his card to stop the ringing. “It’s okay, it happens to everyone.” He sheepishly smiles, his eyes giving you comfort.

You continue to walk the stairs. “Thank you, uh.” “The name’s Wendell, nice to meet you.” He holds out his palm. “Fisher told us about you.” You shake his hand, feeling the calloused palm but a strong grip. You hoped he didn’t feel your sweaty palms. You watch as Wendell receives a glare and “dude” from Fisher. You shyly laugh, glancing at the rest of the interns; they do seem friendly-, not that one. The douche doesn’t even glance at you, ignoring him, you gave your attention to the rest of the interns.

“I just finished the scenario with the given inputs, just wanted to check if it was right.” You patted yourself on the back for correctly saying what you rehearsed. “I also got the set of stairs the victim fell down.”

The interns all looked at each other, You didn’t mess up, did you? Ugh, good job, Y/N; you just wasted their time. They talked with each other, using terminology you sort of understood.

“How did you know it was a flight of stairs?” A handsome and tall brown-skinned man asked.

“I knew it was stairs, you guys, you didn't give me a chance to talk” A petite white woman squeaked.

“Daisy, all you ever do is talk,” Fisher stated, making the other interns snicker.

“It was the computer, really.” To avoid attention and the need to talk, you said. You walked back to the office, hearing their voices behind you. You picked up the tablet and played the scenario. “It’s the right scenario.” You nervously looked at the intern who spoke, it was the douche. But you couldn’t lie, approval from him was keeping you calm.

“What is the point of us if a machine figured out what six interns couldn't?” Dr.Clark exclaimed, and you giggled at his point.

Well, thank you very much for consulting us,” Fisher said in a flirty tone. “Would you care for a cup of coffee later?” Your eyes widened as his tall complexion hovered over you. “Oh, um, well-” You nervously bit your lip as you felt the interns stare at you both.

“Come on, man, she just helped us. Do you want her to despise us next?” You watched as Arastoo pulled Fisher toward the door.

Ugh, come on, I haven’t been with a hot chick in a while; give me a break!” Fisher shouted as his voice began to break. You blushed at his compliment.

The interns began to leave, and with each one gone, you felt the relief you were looking forward to.

“You lied.”

You turned towards the rude intern, surprised to know he acknowledge your work. You crossed your arms and demanded proof.

“The Angelatron cannot create solutions; it can only display the imputed information. You had to conclude that the victim fell down the stairs. Why didn’t you say that?” He demanded.

“I just didn’t think it was relevant, plus I didn't want to boast in front of a bunch of geniuses.” You turned off the Angelatron and started packing your things.

“Boasting isn’t bad to do once in a while.”

Well, that’s coming from a guy who doesn’t do anything but boasts,” You said as you walked past him, giving him a glare.

He grabs your arm. Unlike Wendell’s, his hands were soft and cold, giving you chills going down your back and butterflies in your stomach. You looked back at the sudden contact.

“Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened the other day. I will try to be better.” He tried to give you a smile but ended up looking like he was constipated. You just knew Angela was up to this.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” You gave him a proper smile.

“Seriously Wells? I was starting to like you.” You both turn your heads to see Fisher, looking at Wells’ hand holding your arm. You took your arm back, trying to conceal the blush on your face. As you were about to reply to Fisher, he got stolen by Arastoo again. You giggled, knowing these two would be good company. You began to walk away.

“Would you go on a date with-” You hoped he said himself “Fisher?”

You stopped. “No,” you say, turning your face to glance at Wells, “he’s not my type.” He watched as you disappeared from his view, exhaling the breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He smiled to himself as he felt his heart beating out of excitement. Could he be your type?

#Bones #bones fanfiction #intern imagines #oliver wells #Oliver wells x reader #Bones x reader #Oliver x reader #oliver wells x reader #bones intern x reader #Brian Klugman #Brian Klugman x reader

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wizkiddx · 3 years ago

Text

3 hearts broken

I did an angst thing again oops also not proof read double oops

summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

warnings: alot of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) idk anything else except commitment issues?

////////////////////////////////////////////

It was an argument you and your boyfriend regularly had. In fact, it was the only argument the two of you ever had. And especially recently, one that Tom seemed to want to have every day. It didn’t matter where you were on set; in the rental home; out for dinner. Or like now… in the airport lounge.

You were sitting across from each other in a semi-private booth. Tom in his joggers and a burgundy hoodie, you in your black leggings and an oversized tee that actually belonged to your boyfriend. The rest of the place was almost deserted, given the late-night time of the flight. It was probably why Tom felt so comfortable bringing up this touchy subject in a public place.

You were both way past overtired too, owing to the end of a gruelling shoot. All you wanted was to get back to London and get into your own bed. Without an unnecessary fight with Tom.

Unfortunately for you, when you had naively said those exact words, Tom’s overtired brain skipped straight to it being a personal attack.

“I don’t see why you can’t commit to moving in Y/n! We practically live together for filming anyway so-“

“I love you Tom, more than I could ever express. I just… I can’t do this yet. I need… more-“

“More time, I know.” He grumbled, already standing and slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder - as the flight’s gate was announced by the intercom. Had he not already turned his back and started heading along the hallway, you would’ve tried to protest and calm him down. But thanks to his urgency to get away from you… all you could do was sigh. Slumping back against the seat before hauling yourself up and grabbing the bags - that he had helped you with on the way in.

No doubt this would be a long flight.

That it was. Tom had been maturely giving you the silent treatment at the gate, as you were boarding, and finding you seats. You were both in first class, so you had adjacent little pods with a little partition in the middle. It’s standard position was to be lowered however, before you’d even been able to settle into your window seat, Tom had already switched to button to have it slowly slide up.

Real fucking mature.

Thinking he just needed some time to cool off, you rolled your eyes but let him be. Even though you were such a frequent flier, you were terrible at getting any sleep on them. Tom knew this, knew how much you disliked the idea of being hurtling through the air in a tin can. Usually, he’d be holding your hand, entertaining you by watching a movie and providing a shit commentary over the top. Sometimes, when you were both as exhausted as right now, he’d even slide into your chair, having you perch on top of him so you could fall asleep listening to his heartbeat in his chest. Now though? He refused to acknowledge your existence.

Tom never had such issues flying, he was like a switch that could just choose to fall asleep at any and every point. Which is perhaps why it shocked you to see him still wide awake, staring angrily at the corner of his pod when you went to the loo, hours later. Thinking it was time for a peace offering, on the return to your seat you made eye contact and began to smile softly at him. However, that plan lasted for all of two seconds, since as soon as he realised you had seen him staring, Tom instantly shut his eyes - playing asleep.

He really was being particularly stubborn tonight.

By the time the plane landed, he’d still refused to say anything - and it was starting to really piss you off too. You’d tried to be mature, tried to offer the metaphorical olive branch and he had quite literally thrown it back in your face. So by the time you were being escorted off the plane (first because you were first class), you hung back from your boyfriend, wanting to have your own space.

Which was exactly why you didn’t want to give up your own apartment yet!

The two of you walked across the bridge into the terminal with a good 8 metres between each other. Tom didn’t bother to turn round and check on you, taking purposeful steps as though he wanted to get away.

Thankfully the terminal was quiet, probably due to the ungodly hour in the morning you’d landed at. The halls echoed only with your and Toms footsteps, the echo exaggerating just how far away you felt from him at this point. Still, Tom hadn’t acknowledged your existence, or anyone elses for that matter - the pair of you almost got to baggage reclaim before seeing any other humans.

And that is where it all went wrong.

It was typical, an otherwise empty airport except for you, Tom and a family with 2 girls. 2 teenage girls. 2 teen girls whose eyes widened to almost comical levels at the sight of your boyfriend. You’d seen them from a mile away, but from Tom’s reaction to them - he clearly hadn’t.

In fact, you were such a distance away you couldn’t exactly hear the exchange. But what you saw, had your heart in your mouth.

The girls ran over from the seats their whole family were sitting in, squealing at Tom with that overcited little jump you’d seen so often. Instead of Tom turning to them and entertaining them with small talk and a photo or two - he did the opposite. If anything, he quickened his cadence, looked as though he waved the girls off without muttering two words.

And maybe there was a reason. Maybe they had shouted something really rude at him - but fuck, the chances were slim. One looked ten, and one looked a couple of years older - as you approached, you saw the dejected and shocked faces melt into ones of intense disappointment. The eldest turned and hugged the younger, whose chest appeared to be shaking in a way that meant only one thing. Tom had made her cry.

Just as both the mother and father stood up to rush to the girls, you matched their hurried steps - getting their first.

“Hi, excuse me… “

You felt really awkward but knew you had to do something for these poor girls. And quite possibly for Toms career too. “Are you guys okay?” It took a second or two, but the girls clearly both recognised you too (thank god), throwing nervous looks at each other.

“Are yo-you Y/n?” The younger one asked, bright eyes glazed in tears which broke your heart to see.

“Yeh-yeh I am, what are your names?” You knelt, smiling warmly at the girls, who seemed to chirp up a bit.

“I’m Tima” The eldest spoke first before nudging the other to speak. You waited patiently till the little girl had wiped her eyes before replying.

“I’m Azara.”

“Wow, you’ve both got very beautiful names. Where are you both headin-“

“Can I ask you a question!?” Litte Azara burst out, interrupting you, but in the cutest and sweetest way. You just laughed and said of course, as she twiddled with her thumbs nervously.

“How big is the biggest T-rex?” Her little eyes were so curious and you had to suppress a giggle, seeing how serious it was.

Of course, the T-Rexs in Jurassic world (one of your movies) were all CGI. But Azara didn’t have to know that.

“Oh, they are bigger thanthan the tallest trees you’ve ever seen!”

You carried on your little chat with the girls for five or so minutes, laughing with them and exchanging soft nods with their parents too - who seemed appreciative of your time. Eventually, though, it was the dad who pulled time on the exchange, signalling that the girls had taken up enough of your time. As you stood up, Tima spoke up - after being relatively withdrawn from the conversation.

“You’re friends with Tom Holland right?” You nodded, subconsciously biting your lip to see what she would say. “Can you tell him sorry for bothering him, it’s just Azara was excited, we only wanted to say hi.”

Yeh, there was absolutely no way these incredibly sweet girls did anything to Tom. He was just being a knob.

“Hey, it’s not your fault at all. We’ve just had a really, really long flight, and he’s in a bit of a mood at me - I’m so sorry that he let it out on you.”

That explanation seemed to satisfy Tima with a nod, and with some final hugs you bid the girls both farewell. By this point, the rest of your plane had caught up along the corridors, so it was busier, and you had to fight against the small crowd to get through the airport as quickly as possible. Because you were seething with rage for Tom and could not wait to tell him exactly what those poor girls thought of him.

Unsurprisingly Tom had chosen not to wait for you in the airport at all, instead already hiding inside the blacked-out windows of the 4x4 waiting at the collection point. You marched up to that car angry to the point you thought the whole airport would notice. Yanking the door so hard you were surprised you did no damage to it, you threw your bags in - momentarily ignoring the sight of Tom huddled into a corner, staring at his phone with AirPods in.

But once you slammed the door shut and the driver started the car, you let yourself go.

“Who the fuck do you think you are!”

“Y/n can we just leave it for- “

“You made 2 girls cry!!! You were so self-absorbed in your temper tantrum that you made 2 teenage girls cry. You proud of yourself?”

This time he did look at you, eyes wide and confused - clearly not understanding. So you continued - laying it out for him.

“Those two girls you waved off because you were so busy running away from me? Well the youngest one cried and then the eldest didn’t speak and when she did it was only to ask me to apologise to you. You’re a fucking dickhead!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Oh god, that makes it all better. You didn’t mean to make them cry on purpose, so it’s fine! God if you’d only said I’d-“

“Fuck off Y/n you’re not being fair, cut the sarcasm.”

“I’m not being fair?!? Because I’m the bad person in this situation, right? I just saved you from a very, very bad headline tomorrow morning because you were too busy giving me the silent treatment.”

“Yeah, well, your the one who doesn’t seem to give a damn about me!”

You scoffed hard at his words, air trapped in your throat that now felt completely stuck. How could he say that? How could he even think that?

As much as you hated showing it, you felt your eyes well up with tears. Because who the fuck did he think he was.

“Now that, that is so unfair. You know exactly my history and why I don’t want to move in yet AND you know just how much I fucking love you. So don’t you dare.”

“You're not convincing anyone.” He spoke quieter, but the venom behind his tone was still there. As the first tear escaped over your bottom lashes, you knocked on the partition to the driver and asked him, in no uncertain terms, to pull over.

“Congrats Tom. That’s three women you’ve broken the hearts of in 20 minutes. Must be some sort of a record.”

And with that you slammed the door shut, abandoned on the side of the road somewhere within Heathrow.

?a part 2? idk where id go from here aha

tagging: @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago

Text

Evans

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: Tom gets jealous after he witnesses a moment between you and Chris Evans

Masterlist

As much as you loved filming the movies, your favorite part about being in the MCU was going to the conventions.

You loved getting on stage with your cast mates and answering questions. You especially loved when you got to attend the conventions with your best friend Tom. Your fondest memories with him were made during nights following a convention. You’d always get a joint hotel room and stay up late, too buzzed on adrenaline from the panel to fall asleep.

Going to conventions with Tom usually opened up a whole new debate on the nature of your relationship. Snap chats and Instagram stories made from the same hotel room always set off more theories that you were dating. You weren’t, but you didn’t mind the theories.

The current panel you were at was no different from the others. The whole cast stood in a line, with you sandwiched between Tom and Mackie. You listened along to all the questions asked until you heard your name.

“Chris, you and Y/n worked together in the past on Scott Pilgrim vs The World, where you played one of her evil ex boyfriends.” The journalist said to Chris Evans. “How did you react when you heard she was joining the MCU cast?

“I was really happy about it.” Chris said into his mic. “I’ll admit, I had a bit of a crush on Y/n when we were filming Scott Pilgrim so I was very excited when she got added to the cast.”

Tom felt his ears turn pink when he heard Chris’s confession. It was no secret that he liked you, but he had no idea Chris liked you too. He looked to you to see your reaction, mouth going dry when he saw the shocked smile on your face.

“Are you serious?” You laughed in surprise. “I had a crush on you too.”

Tom turned away a little, suddenly feeling a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“What?” He raised his eyebrows. “How did I not know?”

“Because I was awkward and shy and didn’t know how to talk to you.” You said sheepishly as you pressed a cold hand to your face. “But I swear, I told Michael and Anna all about it.”

Tom lowered his microphone so the crowd couldn’t hear him gulp. He didn’t know why it bothered him as much as it did to know you and Chris had feelings for each other. You had filmed Scott Pilgrim a few years back, so the feelings were long gone by now. Still, it sent a white hot jealously through Toms veins as he watched you and Chris smile at each other.

“I can’t believe you never told me.” Chris chuckled. “I actually remember being upset that we didn’t have a kiss in the movie. I was like, how am I playing one of her boyfriends but we don’t get to kiss?”

“Aw.” Tom forced a laugh. “Poor you.”

The audience laughed at his joke, but you never took your eyes off Chris.

“I was genuinely upset about it at the time.” Chris continued. “I think I called my mom to complain.”

Tom watched with a tight jaw as you held your hand over your heart and beamed. You were obviously loving the attention from Chris while Tom was hating it.

“Hey, I didn’t write the script.” You shrugged. “I definitely would’ve thrown one in there if I had.”

“I think the movie is perfect as it is.” Tom cut in, earning a few laughs. “I don’t think there needed to be a kiss. Kisses are stupid anyway.”

“Wait a minute, we almost kissed in the last movie too.” Chris remembered. “To like hide our faces from HYDRA agents or something.”

“That’s right.” You gasped. “They took it out before we ever shot it.”

“Such a shame.” Chris clicked his tongue as he shook his head. “Missed you twice now.”

The reaction from the audience made you hide your face in embarrassment, feeling your face hot to the touch.

“I promise, you’re not missing much.” You laughed shyly.

“Yeah, well.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “I bet I was.”

Just when Tom thought it couldn’t get any worse, he saw an idea pop into your head.

“Wait, hold my mic.” You said as you handed your microphone to Anthony.

Tom could only watch as you walked across the stage and put your hands on either side of Chris’s face before pulling him into a kiss. The audience was deafening as Chris kissed you back. It didn’t last long, but it was long enough to make all the color drain from Toms face. You both pulled away laughing, Chris with his signature hand over his left side. You clapped your hands as you laughed before walking back to your spot.

“Well damn.” Anthony said into his microphone. “I didn’t get to kiss her either.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian teased. “Do we all get some of that?”

“Shut up.” You laughed shyly as you fixed your hair. “There. Now you got your kiss.”

“Thank you.” Chris laughed into his microphone. “I was not expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” Tom mumbled, his microphone hanging limply at his side. The rest of the panel went by without any further flirtations, but Tom wouldn’t have known if there had been. He had completely zoned out, too upset with what he had seen to focus.

You unlocked the door to your shared hotel room and saw Tom sitting at the kitchen table. His face was buried in his phone and he skimmed through the endless amount of tweets about the kiss from earlier. It was only making him more angry to see thousands of gifs and pictures of it, as well as all the messages from fans saying what a cute couple you and Chris made, but he couldn’t stop. He was too busy scrolling to hear you come in.

“Hey.” You smiled at him as you set your stuff down. “You did such a good job out there. I swear, you always get the most laughs. It’s not fair.”

“Hm.” Tom nodded, keeping his eyes on his phone. “Thanks.”

“Is everything okay?” You frowned when you noticed his standoffish behavior. You walked over to him and reached out to touch him, but he moved away.

“Yeah.” He shrugged unconvincingly. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“I didn’t ask if we were fine.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Are we not fine?”

“I said we were fine.” He held up his hands in annoyance. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes a little. “Sorry I asked.”

Tom gave you a sarcastic smile and went back to his phone, completely ignoring you now. You didn’t know what his problem was, but you knew you didn’t want to fight.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something? You can pick this time.” You offered, trying to offer an olive branch.

“Actually, I’m kinda tired.” He said faintly. “I think I’m just gonna turn in.”

“Really? It’s so early.” You checked your phone and saw it was only 8 pm. “And I’m bored.”

“Yeah?” He finally looked up at you. “Then why don’t you go see what Evans is up to? I’m sure he’d love to finish what you started on stage today.”

You jutted your head back in surprise, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. He looked partial to guilty for snapping at you, but his anger was the most prominent emotion.

“What?” You laughed in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you kissing Evans in front of all those people.” He snapped. “I didn’t even know you liked him like that.”

You laughed again, thinking he had to be joking. You never said it out loud, but you assumed Tom knew you liked him. After all, you were the only cast mates sharing a hotel room.

“I don’t.” You said, unsure where that accusation came from.

“Yeah?” He cocked his head. “Cause it kinda looked like you did.”

“I don’t.” You repeated. “I used to when we were filming Scott Pilgrim a few years ago but I stopped before we even wrapped.”

“Then why did you kiss him?” Tom asked, his voice wearing thin.

“I don’t know. We were joking around.” You shrugged it off. “It was for the fans, if anything. You know how much they love that stuff.”

“They would’ve loved it just as much if you had just blown him a kiss.” Tom said. “You didn’t have to kiss him.”

“Who cares?” You asked. “Everyone loved it.”

“Not everyone.” He stated, keeping his eyes on the ground. You looked at him for a moment, realizing you had never seen him act like this.

“Why are you getting so upset about this?” You asked calmly, still not understanding.

“Because what you did upset me.” He shouted as he gestured to himself.

“Why?” You raised your voice as well now. “It was just a stupid joke. It had nothing to do with you.”

“It wasn’t a joke to me.” He shook his head. “Watching you practically run across the stage to kiss him in front of all those people was not a joke.”

“I didn’t run across the stage.” You said, starting to get annoyed. “I walked to him and kissed him. That’s it. It’s not a big deal.”

“Did you like it?” He asked with an unreadable expression.

“What?”

“Did you like kissing him?” He repeated as he let out a shaky breath.

“You know how it feels to kiss other actors.” You shrugged. “It just felt like lips on lips.”

“You must have some sort of feelings for him to kiss him like that.” He said, his eyes looking glassy.

“So what if I do?” You retorted, angry with him now for yelling at you.

“What?” His voice came out in a whisper. “Do you?”

“Are you listening to anything I’m saying? I don’t have feelings for Evans. But if I did, it wouldn’t be any of your business. Because maybe you haven’t realized this yet, but you’re not my boyfriend.” You yelled, making him retreat into himself.

The silence that followed was deafening, making you feel guilty for what you said. You felt like you popped the happy bubble that you and Tom lived in, the one where you never confronted your feelings for each other but understood that they were there. Tom sucked in a sharp breath and let out a long sigh as he looked you in the eyes. He gave you a sad smile and nodded his head as if he was reluctantly agreeing with you. You opened your mouth to speak, but Tom was already moving past you. His shoulder brushed yours as he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You stood there in shock, unsure of what just happened. You felt like you had just broken up with someone you were never actually with. You covered your mouth with your hand, ashamed with what you had said to him. You hit him where you knew it would hurt him and now he was gone.

Despite sharing a hotel room, you didn’t see Tom until the next morning. He was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter, not looking at you as you made coffee. You sighed and sat down next to him, knowing you had to make things right before you went out to do press. You didn’t want to spend a full day doing interviews with him without resolving the fight.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday.” You began as you watched his face for his reaction. “It was mean of me to tell you you weren’t my boyfriend like that.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled as he stirred his tea. “You don’t have to apologize. You were right. I’m not your boyfriend.”

“We need to talk about yesterday.” You said softly as you looked at him. You could tell he was still bitter about the kiss.

“I don’t want-“

“We have to.” You cut him off. “We had a fight and now we need to talk about it.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before slumping in his seat.

“You start.” You said as you put your folded hands on the table.

“I don’t know where to start.” He mumbled.

“Just tell me how you feel.” You suggested. Tom sighed as he put his words together in his mind, wanting to make things right just as much as you did.

“I didn’t like it even you kissed Chris.” He said softly, keeping his eyes on the table.

“I got that part.” You tried to joke. “Why?”

“Because he’s older and taller and bigger than me.” Tom listed off.

“And?” You were confused.

“And I can’t compete.” Tom whispered, hanging his head in shame. The fragility in his voice made your heart break and you realized he was never angry with you.

He was heartbroken.

“Tommy, you don’t have to compete with anyone.” You said softly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“I didn’t think I had to.” He continued. “I thought I had you. I know we don’t really talk about…us, but I thought we had an unspoken agreement that we liked each other. I know I liked you and I thought you liked me back until you…”

“Until I what?” You asked.

“Kissed another boy.” He laughed sadly. “Sorry. A man. Captain freaking America.”

“You were jealous.” You realized, trying to fight back a smile. “That’s why you threw your little tantrum.”

“How could I not be?” He looked up. “Have you seen how broad his shoulders are?”

You had to laugh, which made him crack a smile. The tension had disappeared and you had entered new territory, so you decided to keep going.

“And have you seen the way I look at you?” You teased him. “Or the way I immediately go to you in a crowded room? Have you seen how I’m always finding a way to touch you? Does any of that sound familiar?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled sheepishly. “It does.”

“I like you too.” You admitted. “Of course I like you too. But I already told you, that kiss was just a joke. It was just for the fans.”

“I know.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “It just shook my confidence, you know? I figured if he wanted you too, I didn’t stand a chance.”

“I don’t want him.” You assured him. “I want you.”

Toms lips curved into a smile, a proud look coming across his face. He reached over and put his hand on top of yours, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

“I never should have yelled at you.” He said quietly as he stared at your hands. “I just hated that he got to kiss you before I did.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “But you can’t flip out and yell at me when you get a little jealous. You have to be okay with me being close to other people.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I got so jealous.” He shook his head at himself. “I’m not that guy. I don’t want you thinking that’s who I am.”

“I know who you are.” You leaned over the table and tilted his chin so he would look at you. “Why do you think I like you as much as I do?”

“I like hearing you say that.” He mumbled, keeping his eyes on your lips.

“I like saying it.” You smirked at him as you began to lean in.

Before your lips could touch, his phone buzzed, making both of you jump. Tom sighed and picked up his phone to see what the interruption was.

“Shoot. That’s Rachel.” He frowned. “She wants me down at hair and makeup. Can we talk about this later? This is really important to me and I don’t want to rush it.”

“Of course.” You nodded. “Go get your hair done. We’ll talk later.”

Tom gave you an apologetic smile before getting up and putting his cup in the sink. He moved to the door but you stood up.

“Tom, wait.” You called, quickly walking to where he was. You put your hands on his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting it linger until you felt his cheeks heat up.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” You told him, making him feel better about missing out on the kiss. He smiled softly and nodded before leaving the hotel room. You left to get your own hair and makeup done, an idea forming in your mind as you sat in your chair.

After getting hair and makeup done, you walked down to the lobby and went into one of the conference rooms. You saw the rest of the cast standing in a circle and went up to to them.

“There she is.” Anthony clapped as you walked up to the group. “Mrs. Evans.”

“Don’t start with that. You’re just mad it wasn’t you I was kissing out there.” You teased him, making him laugh.

“Maybe. I have a feeling I know who else is mad.” He said as he nodded his head to gesture to something behind you. You turned around and saw Tom approaching, a smile taking over your features at the sight of him. He gave you a knowing look and stood next to you as he joined the group.

“Hey guys.” He greeted, shooting Chris a quick look.

“There you are.” You smiled a little before grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into a kiss. You felt his wide eyes flutter shut, eyelashes tickling you as he closed his eyes. He stepped forward to get closer to you before bringing his hand to face. The cast exchanged knowing looks right before you pulled away, a smile on both of your faces.

“Woah. When did that happen?” Scarlett nudged you.

“I thought it’d been happening for a while.” Anthony snorted. “Was I the only one?”

“No, I definitely saw something there. That’s why I was so surprised about yesterday.” Chris chuckled. You felt Tom tense up when he mentioned it, so you gave him a look. He relaxed and nodded, reminding himself he had nothing to be jealous of.

“I was surprised too.” He said, keeping his tone playful. “So don’t let it happen again.”

“I won’t.” Chris held up his hands. “Dodger and I are very happen on our own. He’s not willing to share me with anyone.”

“He and I have that in common then.” Tom said as draped his arm around your shoulders.

“Whats that?” You asked as you looked at Tom. He gave you a soft smile before pulling you closer to kiss your forehead.

“I don’t like to share.”

Tag List 🏷

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#tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x yn #tom holland x actress!reader #chris evans x reader #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst

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mugi-chan · 4 years ago

Text

❞ 300 Follower special~!❝

ლ Tea Order: All the boys: When you wear his clothes!

ლ Warnings: None!

ლ A/N:Thank you all so much for 300 followers! I didn’t know what to do for 300 followers so I made this! I lowkey had a burnout around Pomefiore, I hope you guys don’t mind!

Ace:

Ace was going to be a little late so he told you to chill in his room

His other room mates weren’t there as they had chores to do.

Bored out of your mind you decided to look around his closet

You found his NRC jersey laying there

You decided why not wear it to see how you look

It was clean thank goodness and wearing it made you feel a little bit good about yourself

You grabbed the basketball and pretended you were Ace

You didn’t notice Ace walked in, you shot the basketball in the hoop and cheered.

Ace’s goofy smile was on his face and he snuck up on you

He gave a you a big surprise hug from a behind

A squeak came out as you turned to be meet by a kiss from Ace

“Ace, I didn’t know you came in!”

You quickly try hide your face by leaning into him

You felt the vibrations from his chest as he laughed.

He ruffled your hair a bit

“Yeah I came in when landed that crazy shot!” That tease you called a boyfriend.

You just groaned and turned away

Ace just laughed and kissed the top of your head

“I think you look really cute in my jersey”

Deuce:

It was night time and it was only Ace, Deuce, and You

His two other roommates decided to have a sleepover with other members

Ace was fast asleep as basketball practice killed him

And you completely forgot to bring a change of shirt

“Hey Deuce is it okay if I borrow one of your shirts?”

He face flushed bright red

Y-you want to borrow his shirt?

“S-sure” He tried to play it cool

It was dark and you couldn’t see well

So when you found a nice soft shirt you grabbed it

When you got into bed with Deuce, he was scrolling through magicam

He let the light from his phone illuminate the bed so you can get comfortable and know where your going

When he realized what you were wearing, he had a bright blush on his face.

You were wearing his pink cheetah shirt

“Ah I didn’t know you were going to wear that”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t know you were going to wear the shirt I take care of the flamingos in”

Then the realization hits and your face was so flushed that you both were stuttering

Then suddenly a pillow hit Deuce’s side

“Can you love birds, keep it down?” It was Ace I guess you two were a little too loud.

Riddle:

A nice unbirthday party was in motion

Well it was nice for a little while until something tripped a student and tea was spilt all over you

You were drenched in tea, Riddle got up and quickly walked over to you to drape his cape over you to keep you warm

As the student was getting a lecture from Cater and Trey, Riddle helped you to his room to change.

When you got to his room you still had his cape around it was nice and warm

Riddle was rummaging through his closet trying to find clothes that could possibly fit you

While you sat on his couch waiting for whatever Riddle was doing

He grabbed you a dress shirt and a cardigan

“Here these should fit you”

Riddle gave a soft smile as he left the room to give you privacy

When you changed into his clothes you hugged yourself letting everything sink in

When you walked out Riddle’s face went red

He knows it’s his clothes but when you wear it you look so cute!

He coughed in his hand trying to calm himself down as he gently grabbed you hand and kiss your knuckles

“You look lovely”

You two sat in silence for bit until Cater came in asking if they're okay

Trey:

You and Trey where enjoying some nice cuddles on his soft bed

All was fine until Cater knocked on his door asking for him to come help as some of the first years did a big oopsie.

A tired sigh and quick kiss and he's gone

Now all alone you looked around Trey’s room seeing if there was anything to entertain you

His little Fedora collection

There were three little stands, one was empty guessing that’s the one he’s currently wearing, you grabbed the one to the right of the empty stand.

A nice olive green fedora with a blue ribbon going around the hat

You placed it on your head and looked at the mirror

The hat looked a little off, but then it clicked.

That’s right Trey wear his hat at an angle

Angling the hat was most likely the hardest thing for you to do

You were to focus on the hat to notice Trey came back into the room

A big smile was seen as he walked up behind you and softly angles the hat correctly on you

“There now it looks perfect on you”

You quickly turned around to reveal a smiling Trey while you were a stuttering mess trying to explain yourself.

He gives you a sweet kiss on the temple and whispers

“It looks good on you”

Cater:

Cater is off doing his light music club stuff leaving you alone on his laptop watching movies on there

It was summer and the temperature in the Heartslabyul is not forgiving.

You looked around and notice that there was a nice fluffy robe sitting on his bed

You grabbed it and slipped it on

It was so warm and soft and plus it had a nice scent to it

Cater knows how to take care of his clothes well

The warmth of the robe started to make you pretty sleepy

As a yawn threatened to escape of your mouth

You decided that it’s time to take a quick nap

You know for sure that Cater won’t be back for a while and you understand that

You drift to sleep letting the warmth take over you

When Cater did come back he was a little loud but as soon as he saw your sleeping figure he immediately went quiet

He quickly pulls out his phone snapped a quick photo of your sleeping figure

Cater looked at the picture he just took

He went to his desk and sat there watching your sleeping figure

Leona:

You always admire the necklace that Leona always wear

One time Leona had them off and set aside on his desk

You were cleaning up his room a bit, at least putting his clothes were their suppose to go

You notice the necklace sitting on the desk and decided to try it on

He always wear it why not see what it looks like on you

You were deciding which one to wear the colorful beads or the one with teeth

You decided the one with teeth since that one looks the most interesting

Gently taking the necklace off the desk and head over to a mirror and tried to put it on

When you finally got it on it was a little to big on you

Leona woke up from his nap hearing you talking to yourself

He peeked what you were talking about and saw you wearing his necklace

A smile as plastered on his face thinking about how he would mess with you

“You're wearing my necklace aren’t you?”

Your reactions was priceless

You froze in your tracks and turned around to see Leona awake and getting up

“Yeah I am, I thought it was so interesting and I wanted to see what I would look like in it”

“Hm okay”

And there he goes back to his nap

You just smiled and shook your head and went back to cleaning up his room

Jack:

Winter break was coming near and you were going to stay on campus

Sad that Jack was going to visit his family

He decided that he would leave you with some of his clothes to at least to make you a little less lonely

It was one of that lonely nights

You were texting Jack while in one of his green shirts Jack was talking about his siblings and their antics, while you were talking about the movies you were watching

Then a facetime popped up and you gladly answered it

When Jack’s face came into view he saw what you were wearing and blush formed on his face

He coughed into his hand and said that you looked lovely

A smile formed on your lips and show him how his shirt pretty much drowns you

He’s very embarrassed but will compliment you

You two would try to continue having a conversation but Jack only looked at the shirt you were wearing.

Ruggie:

The sun was setting and you and Ruggie where taking down laundry from on top of the savanaclaw

You spotted Ruggies leather jacket and decided to see how it would fit.

Once Ruggie finished grabbing his clothes from his side he turn to see you in his leather jacket

“What are you doing?”

“I always wanted to wear your leather jacket, it makes me feel like a bad boy”

You flex showing him how cool you look

Ruggie laughed as he walked up to you

“Well if you want to wear it, at least wear it properly”

He fixed his leather jacket

You just let out a laugh and was going to take it off

“No no, keep it on you look good in it”

He steals a quick kiss and picks up the basket with folded clothes

“Come on”

Azul:

Azul was looking around the mostro lounge

Where did he put his outer coat?

He knows he lay it down somewhere and now it’s gone

Jade and Floyd refused to help Azul

He knows they know where his jacket is

The only place he didn’t check was his own room

But he’s for sure he didn’t see his jacket there because he had it with him the whole time

Just in case he went to check

And oh no this boy just had a heart attack over the cuteness that was going on

He saw you sleeping ontop of his bed and his outer jacket

Your sleeping figure is already cute enough but with his jacket OOH MAN THIS MEAN IS WEAKKKK

He was trying contain his flushed face as he entered his room

He checked if you were asleep and when he confirmed that you were

He quickly took out his phone took a quick picture of you and swiftly left his room

He curse Jade and Floyd for not telling him that you had his jacket

All they had to respond was with their wicked smile.

Jade:

It was very cold day in the mostro lounge

And you completely forgot your jacket

Jade was to busy at the bar to help you out so you left lounge and headed over to Jade and Floyd’s room

When you got there Floyd was chilling there

“Floyd what are you doing here?”

“I don’t feel like working today”

And Oh escaped your lips and looked around the room

“What are you doing here anyway? Jade is at the mostro lounge”

“I know, it’s just cold today and I forgot my jacket”

“Oh then take his scarf, its over there”

Floyd pointed at Jade’s bed where his scarf was neatly hunged

“Are you sure?”

“Eh he wouldn’t mind it, he might find it adorable” floyd cooed

Rolling your eyes you took it and wrapped around your neck letting Jade’s scent and the warmth take over you

You left Floyd in his room and walked back to the mostro lounge

When Jade spotted you enter the mostro lounge with his scarf his classic smirk was plastered on his face

Having to keep the gentleman act he complimented your scarf asking where you got it.

Of course you rolled your eyes and playfully punched his arm.

Floyd:

You didn’t come to visit the Mostro lounge and this annoyed Floyd

Why weren’t you here? Floyd wanted to play with you

He told Jade he’s going to look for you

Before Jade could protest Floyd was already gone.

He found you sitting underneath the apple tree crying

Crying? Why are you crying?

He stops right in front of you where his shadow covered you

When you saw Floyd you quickly hid your face again not wanting him to see you cry

Floyd thought about it for a second and took off his scarf and hat and put it on you

You looked at what was on you and then looked up at floyd

He had his goofy smile on and laughed

“Aww (y/n) look so cute with my clothes!”

He plopped himself next to you and comfort you until he saw

Kalim:

You were looking around Kalim’s room looking for something to wear

You had to go to school to grab something but the school sometimes really cold

You found Kalim’s Cardigan that he always wears at school

You quickly grabbed it and headed out

Kalim came back to his room seeing his closet open and you not there

“Huh where’s (y/n)? Jamil do you know where (y/n)?”

When you got back to Scarabia you everything was quiet a little too quiet

You walked back to Kalims room who was taking a nap

Ahh so that’s why the dorm is so quiet the Jamil is probably out and Kalim is taking a nap

When you take one step inside his room Kalim is already up and pounced on you

“Ahaha! (y/n) there you are!” Kalim gave you a big bear hug

“Hello Kalim!”

When Kalim pulls back to see you better he finally noticed that you were wearing his cardigan

“Wah! (y/n) you look so cute in my cardigan!” Kalim gave you a kiss on the temple

“You should wear my clothes more! In Fact I’ll get you the same Cardigan so we can match!”

Oh Kalim this big goofy baby otter is too lovable.

Jamil:

Ah again Jamil is busy

Kalim did something again that needs Jamil’s attention

Sadly this was when you and Jamil was having a cuddling session

When Jamil left you became lonely

You missed Jamil already, even though he just left

So to fix that why not take one of his many hoodies?

You found the hoodie that he always wore to school

When you put it on Jamil’s scent surrounded you

And the warmth made it feel like he was still there

Is it a little desperate? Maybe

But when you miss Jamil anything works

You drifted to sleep as the warmth and tiredness was taking over

It took a couple of hours for Jamil to fix whatever Kalim did

When he got back to his room he noticed that you were in his hoodie

A small blush crept on his face as he walked over to your sleeping figure

When he noticed that you were a sleep Jamil didn’t wake you up

He just sat down at his desk and do some homework

Every once in a while he would glance at you in his hoodie

Maybe he should let you borrow his hoodie often

Vil:

Now where did Vil put his crown?

Ugh this is annoying, he was looking around where he could have possibly put it He looked around his peacock throne to see if he could left it there

Nope it wasn’t there either

“Rook, ROOK”

“Yes Roi de Poison”

“Have you seen my crown?”

“Ah I do believe you gave it to (y/n) to wear”

Then it clicked, he was busy doing his makeup that he didn’t notice he agreed to let you wear his crown

He was little mad but not at you

Rook informed him where you were

Luckily you were just walking around the Pomefiore premise with Epel

When he does see you with Epel he would keep his calm collective himself

“My sweet darling Potato I do believe you have something that belongs to me”

You turned to see Vil with his classic smirk

“Ah you mean your crown?” You gently took it off your head

“Yes, I was looking all over for it” Vil took it out of your hand and place it on his head

“I think, I should give you some of my old jewelry you looked marvelous with my crown” was all Vil said before leaving

Rook:

Rook noticed that you were down in the dumps

He tries to coax it out of you but you refused to say anything

He wants to see your smiles again but it’ll have to wait until he figures out what’s wrong

The idea he came up with was to give you his hat

A sweet gesture he hopes

When you felt his hat placed on top of your head you looked up seeing Rook

“Rook what’s the matter?”

“I should ask you the same thing mon amour”

Rook sat right next to you holding your hand

You two sat in silence

“I think you look beautiful in my hat mon amour”

You just gave a simple nod

“Can you tell me whats wrong”

You told him what happened as he sat there and nodded.

“I have heard enough Mon amour,no more gloomy days! Let us go and turn your day around”

Rook kept his hat on your head and swoop you away to pomefiore

Epel:

You were snooping around Epels room

Mainly looking at the photo’s Epel had hanged up on his room

After looking at the photo’s Epel had you looked around and saw his closet door open

Curiosity got the best of you and you went and looked around his closet

Looking around the closet you see this big fluffy knitted sweater

It looked really fluffy, a quick look around seeing no one around you grabbed it and put it on

It was really clunky and was warm

Epel was coming back from a very tired day of Vil’s manner works

Dragging his feet to his room he could hear small commotion coming from his room

Little squeals?

When he opened the door he saw you on his bed rolling around squealing a bit

He immediately notice you were wearing his clunky sweater his parents gave him

A small smile was plastered on his face as he tiptoed his way to you

When he got close enough he tackled you

You let out a squeal and quickly turned to see your purple haired boyfriend

You two let out a laugh as Epel relaxed where he was

“Heyy at least take off your shoes!”

You heard Epel whined a small “noooo” as he cuddled you close to him

“You look cute in my sweater you should wear it more”

A small pat on his head is your response

Idia:

“Come one come on dude!”

Is what you normally hear when you chill with Idia

He hasn’t even got off his game in hours

I mean it’s not like you don’t mind it’s just some attention would be nice

So what can you do to relieve the loneliness you were feeling

Simple, he was wearing a tank top and not his school jacket so

YOINK

Anyway Idia likes to have his room cold for some odd reason so wearing his jacket would be perfect

Your body heat kept you warm and you were practically swimming in his jacket

“Ayeee gg gg”

Idia’s round finally finished

He took off his headset and turned to see what you were doing

His pale face went as red as riddle’s hair

A million words per second where coming out his mouth

He trying to compliment you but also like really embarrassed

He wanted to say “You look pretty” and “why are you wearing that”

But what came out was “WHY ARE YOU PRETTY”

Oh boy this boy wants to die now

You burst out laughing

Idia just layed on the floor covering his face

Poor Ortho came in seeing you punching the bed laughing while his older brother was crying on the floor

Sebek:

Of course Sebek was off doing whatever Malleus was doing

But he left his little hat he wore all the time

It was neatly placed on his desk and it was so tempting to try it on

He strictly tells you to not touch his uniform as he wants to make sure nothing is wrong NOTHING

But temptation got the better of you and you grabbed his tiny hat a placed it on your head

Now Sebek had to go outside and needs his hat as it’s part of his uniform

He remembered that he left it on his desk

When he walked in he saw you imitating him

He stood there in shock at first but quickly recollect his composure

“HUMAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

That scared the living soul out of you

You quickly turned to see a angered Sebek

But you notice a very slight tint of red on his cheeks

You know he isn’t mad at you

“I’m sorry I wanted to try on your hat it looked so cute!”

The red tint got even more red by your statement as he coughed into his hand and outreached his hand

“May I please have my hat back?”

You took his hat off and tried to gently place it on his head

It was a little crooked but Sebek fixed it

Sebek gave you a quick kiss on top of your hand and left

Well a ‘thank you’ would be nice, but a kiss on your hand isn’t that bad either

Silver:

It was a rainy day and you totally forgot your umbrella

You were already half drenched as you made it halfway through campus before taking refuge at a nearby tree

You were looking at the weather app to see when the rain would possibly stop

It seems like your going to be stuck at the tree for a while

Well you thought so until you felt a jacket go over your shoulder

You looked up seeing silver with a smile on his face and an umbrella

“I heard from Sebek that you were stuck in the rain, of course it would be shameful for me not protect you from something that can harm you”

“But rain can’t harm you”

“Why of course it can, you could possibly get sick from the rain”

You burst out laughing at how absurd that statement was

Silver looked a little confused but opened up the umbrella and put it over you

“Shall we head back?” A short nod and you two were heading back to Diasomnia

Once you two got to diasomnia you were still drenched in rain but Silver quickly fixed that by handing you a t-shirt and a fluffy jacket

“Here change into these so you don’t get sick”

For sure Lilia would have told him all these crazy lies

When you finally changed into his clothes it was big on you but not to big where you were swimming in it

When you got out Silver had a nice smile on his face as gave you a gentle kiss

“You look lovely in my clothes”

“Thennn is it okay if I steal them?”

“Sure, but not my dorm uniform”

“Deal”

Lilia:

Lilia’s dorm uniform coat is always something to be interested in

It’s so big on him how does he even fight in his dorm uniform

You wanted to test it yourself

When Lilia was at his light music club you asked Malleus if Lilia had a spare dorm coat

Sebek may have yelled at you but Malleus gladly told you where to find Lilia’s spare dorm coat

When you do find it, it’s huge like if Malleus wore it he would fit in it

When slipped it on you felt like Lilia for sure

How can anyone fight in this jacket it’s crazy

You could barely move around without tripping

Lilia said his goodbyes to Cater and Kalim and teleported his way back to his room

When he got there he barely got there in time before you tripped over his coat and face planted

“Oh my are you okay darling?”

He helped you up and notice that you were wearing his coat

“Oh ho ho, it appears that you are wearing my dorm jacket”

“Yeah I wanted to know how you are able to walk around or even fight in this!”

Lilia gave a soft chuckle and kissed your forehead

“Honestly it takes time but eventually you get used to it and work around it.”

You were going to take it off but Lilia stopped you

“No no darling keep wearing it I think you look beautiful in it”

A small blush formed on your face as you quickly tried to cover your face with his jacket

Malleus:

Malleus was who knows where and you were waiting for him to come back so you two can go to bed

You didn’t have pajamas so you looked around the massive room he has to see what you can wear

The closet is a good place to look at

When you opened it you spotted something that you can definitely wear

A dress shirt

When putting it on you understood what it felt to wear Lilia’s uniform

You were drowning in his dress shirt

You know Lilia’s lab coat SR? Yea thats you in his dress shirt

Once you got it to where you were comfortable you crawled back into his big bed

Malleus came back to his dorm after his usual late night walks to find you almost asleep on his bed

You looked so adorable he wanted to take a picture of you but didn’t know how to

He quietly summoned Silver and asked him how to take a picture on his phone

Once Silver showed his old man how to take a photo, he took a photo of you but forgot to put it on silence

The loud click sound woke you up from half asleep slumber

Malleus quickly tried to hide his phone from you and luckily you didn’t see

“Malleus your back”

“I’m sorry for being out to long darling”

Malleus removed his outer layers and crawled into bed

You didn’t notice the small blush but seeing you in his clothes just makes him feel some sort of way.

and we’re done, omg this took forever I’m so tired ( ु⁎ᴗᵨᴗ⁎)ु.zZ

Thank you so much for 300+ Followers! You all mean so much to me!

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stillness-in-green · 3 years ago

Text

Why Deku's ultimatum to Overhaul is bad and he should feel bad

This is a bit outside my normal character wheelhouse, but I really need to get a rant about it off my chest, so here goes:

The Deku and Overhaul scene in Chapter 316 is terrible. It is fucking terrible.

I took a whirl around Overhaul's tag up through when the leaks first started dropping, but didn't immediately see anyone talking about why it's so fucking terrible, only concerns about letting Overhaul see Eri (understandable, but baseless, I think), some empathy towards Overhaul's current state (totally warranted!), some snark about Deku being So Done with Overhaul (haha because who cares about Deku's stated goal of trying to understand villains, right?), and, worst of all, some cooing about how Deku was being so compassionate and noble by offering Overhaul that olive branch.

Deku was not being compassionate and noble there. Deku was being arrogant, small-minded, and so shockingly cruel that it leaves me speechless that anyone could think his stunted and hard-hearted "offer" reflects well on him.

Deku's entire motivation in this arc has been wrestling with the realization that he might have been able to avoid some of the desperate battles of his past if he'd understood more about the villains he fought. He thought of three very specific people--Stain, Muscular, and Overhaul--as he reflected, "Maybe it wouldn't have had to go that way if I'd understood them better." He then thought of Gentle Criminal and La Brava, people who he’d come to some understanding of, who he’d been able to soften the conclusion of his battle with by going along with Gentle's fiction downplaying what had happened between them. The whole line of thought was intended to contextualize his newfound desire to save Shigaraki.

It soon became apparent that Stain, Muscular and Overhaul were, in fact, encounters that he would be revisiting, as a chance to see how he'd grown since he faced them, and as a dry-run on reaching out to villains that would give him a chance to practice ways he might reach out to Shigaraki when the time comes.

Well, based on his performance so far, the idea that Deku might be able to reach Shigaraki is laughable.

Firstly, his tentative questions to Muscular were ill-timed, all wrong for the middle of a battle. Muscular laughed him off, and I don’t think there’s any version of that scenario in which he would have done otherwise. Muscular was a huge threat, gleefully violent, disinterested in conversation about his history. Obviously, right in the middle of a fight was no kind of time to try to figure out what made the man tick! But Deku didn’t get the luxury of choosing the circumstances of that encounter, so yes, that battle probably was unavoidable, certainly if Deku wanted to stop him from doing further damage. But the idea that because Deku couldn't reach him right then and there, it's impossible for Deku--or, indeed, for anyone--to reach him at all is fallacious. Not every person has to be able to like or understand every other person. If Deku couldn't reach Muscular, so what? That doesn't mean it's impossible that someone might. And that means an obligation to treat Muscular like a human being, to afford him human rights, to not stop trying to find a way to rehabilitate him, even as you safeguard other people against him.

Deku's battle with Muscular being unavoidable was not some great triumph, for all that the narrative used it as an opportunity to let him show off how far he’d come in mastering One For All. In the way that matters, the way that Deku himself is currently trying to better, he hasn't advanced at all. Imasuji Goto represented his first test in the lead-up to saving Shigaraki, and Deku failed it.

His next trial was Overhaul.* Here, again, was someone who Deku was explicitly trying to understand. So what was the one thing that was most key to understanding Overhaul's current motivation? What was the one thing that Overhaul was ranting about out loud, incessantly? And what did Deku conspicuously fail to ask about? Overhaul's relationship with Pops.

This was so easy. So obvious. And Deku didn’t even try. All he could think about in the moment he was faced with that broken man was the little girl that man hurt--all thoughts of trying to understand where the man himself was coming from went right out the window, flown away in an instant. Instead of asking about why Overhaul feels the way he does, he demanded that Overhaul feel the way Deku wanted. He was essentially holding the only person Overhaul cared about hostage for the remorse he wanted Overhaul to feel.

I'm not going to try to armchair diagnose Overhaul with mental conditions. I don't have the educational background, and I'm positive Horikoshi doesn't. But it seems pretty clear that asking Overhaul to feel guilt about Eri was asking for something that he might not be capable of feeling, at least not without years of therapy that he was plainly not getting in Tartarus. And if Overhaul is not capable of feeling that guilt, then what does denying Overhaul his meeting actually solve? Who does it help? It doesn’t help Eri. Doesn’t help the old man. It certainly doesn’t help Overhaul himself. The only person who gets any satisfaction out of demanding remorse from Overhaul is Deku. And even Deku didn’t look like he found it very satisfying!

Another failure. A meaninglessly cruel, petty failure. A failure that served only to hurt a man who was already a live wire of agony, to sentence an old man to a coma he might never wake from without Overhaul's expertise, and to deprive Eri of the only actual family she had left.

And look, Pops might very well not be the ideal guardian for Eri, and I'm not saying he should get to "keep" her just because of the blood connection, but it's not like he cheerfully handed her over to Overhaul and walked out the door! He turned to Overhaul because he trusted Overhaul, because he wanted someone to help Eri and thought that maybe Overhaul could. And when Overhaul's thoughts about Eri took a very dark turn, Pops first denied his request about using her to further his research and then, when Overhaul kept pushing it, chose Eri over the kid he personally took in from the streets by telling Overhaul that he needed to leave the Shie Hassaikai if he couldn't muster any more respect for human life than that.

But, you know, Eri is so cute with Aizawa and stuff. And Pops was a criminal. Probably. Maybe? I mean, he was yakuza, anyway, so he obviously must have been a criminal even if the police never actually arrested him. Apparently, this means it's okay to just leave him in a coma forever! Even though Overhaul absolutely has enough medical expertise that letting him talk to a neurologist about what he did to Pops might enable them to figure out how to wake Pops up even without Overhaul being able to use his quirk to undo the damage. Hell, Overhaul is also the person alive who has the best handle on how Eri's quirk works. He might even know what her accumulation condition is. Maybe a better thing to ransom his access to Pops with would be Overhaul telling Aizawa everything he knows about Eri's quirk so Aizawa can use the knowledge to help her get a better handle on it.

But no. Obviously undoing some small part of the concrete harm Overhaul did was less important than how Deku felt about that harm.

And there's more! Oh, is there ever. I called Deku arrogant before; let me circle back to that.

Deku said that if Chisaki would feel the way Deku wanted him to feel, then Deku would uphold the promise to let Overhaul see Pops. But where in hell did Deku get off making that claim? Deku is a student. He's not a pro. He has no authority, medical, legal, carceral or otherwise. He has no say in where Overhaul goes or who he's allowed to see.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What kind of strings did Deku think he could pull that he could just casually make that claim without so much as going into a huddle with Hawks and Endeavor about it first? How inflated has this kid's sense of importance gotten that he made Overhaul that promise without even stopping to think about whether it was something he was in any position to ensure? It was such a bullshit ultimatum, not only because of how needlessly obstructive it was, but because it was so formless.

"If only you would feel a wish to apologize to Eri…" Okay, so what if Overhaul goes back to prison and, three days later, calls out to say, "Okay, I thought about it and I really feel like I want to apologize, now can I see Pops already?" Who gets to make that judgment call? Deku? Is he going to drop his faux-vigilante act and come visit Overhaul in prison just so he can squint at the man really hard to see if he's lying? Is Deku going to delegate the call to someone else? All Might? Hawks? A prison warden? A psychologist? Who? Who gets to be the one to say, "Okay, I think his remorse is genuine."

Then, once that call has been made, how many people have to arrange for Overhaul to be escorted out of prison and to whatever hospital Pops is in? Will Deku get to oversee that visit? Does he think he can overturn a warden declaring, "The scum doesn't deserve a visit, and the old man probably doesn't either," or a doctor protesting, "I'm not letting that man anywhere near my patient!"

The hell of it is, I think Deku could do all of that. He's got a close personal connection to All Might, who was basically a demi-god to this society for decades; he has the ear of the current top three heroes. Everyone is apparently convinced that the power to save this society rests solely in Deku's hands; I'm sure he could ask for anything he wanted. But the fact that that is the case suggests that this society is not even slightly turning away from its dependence on heroes dictating its morality. A hero having the sole right to dictate, out of hand, based on his personal feelings, the fate of people designated "villains" while the rest of society turns away is exactly what Shigaraki is angry about.

The only thing worse than Deku perpetuating the worst problems of hero society in an arc that's supposed to be about him finding a better way is that he didn’t even stop to think about it. It never even occurred to him that that was what he was doing. He thought that what he was asking of Chisaki was just and fair, and thus, he didn’t need to ask for any second opinions or permissions; he didn’t need to think about what would actually be feasible, about what was best for the people involved. He'd made his judgment call about a villain, and that's all there was to it. The villain could fall in line or--nothing. There isn't actually another choice. Hero's way or nothing

I hate it. I hate it. I don't care about whether Overhaul "deserves" to suffer; heroes making the cold decision that they will make him suffer is antithetical to everything a carceral system intended to rehabilitate prisoners stands for. And yes, Japan does at least claim on paper that the goal of incarceration in state hands is rehabilitation.

Restorative justice is superior to retributive justice. It's better for society and it's better for individuals. It is kinder, it is more compassionate. Retributive justice poisons people. It perpetuates suffering for no reason but moral grandstanding. Individuals are allowed to forgive or not forgive anyone they want, but a society should conduct itself with an eye to the long-term welfare of all of its people. That means that even the worst kinds of criminals still have human rights. It means not inflicting pain that serves no purpose.

I've gotten off-track here. Yes, I think that if Overhaul could feel regret about Eri, that would obviously be a positive development for his character. It'd hurt like hell, but it would be a hurt that indicated he was becoming a better person, a person who wanted to do more good, less ill, with his life and efforts. But you can't mandate that someone become a better person. No ultimatum handed down from on high is going to change Overhaul's heart. Telling someone, "I'll help you, but only if you only feel the way I want you to feel. Otherwise, you can just stay there and suffer," is not reaching out to help people who are suffering in the dark, which is, again, what Deku claimed he wanted to do, what he begged for Nagant's help in doing, the way he insisted to the vestiges that OFA should be used.

Deku writing people off because they don't conform to his expectations, because they can't be "good" the way he wants them to be, nor even "bad" in ways he can understand, is him failing to live up to his own expressed ideals. "I wish you'd feel bad about hurting people," wasn't enough to reach Muscular or Overhaul, and it damn well shouldn't be enough to reach Shigaraki.

Cruelty does not beget kindness. You cannot treat people with only callousness and severity, then condemn them for not taking the opportunity to grow. You have to give them opportunities to better themselves. For Overhaul, giving him an opportunity would be letting him help the man he wronged and then moving forward from there. Telling him to feel regret about Eri or else? That's doing nothing but sweeping his pain back under the rug.

---

*I have more or less exhausted my outrage over Lady Nagant in chats with friends, so I'll spare the rant on how disjointed, contradictory and ludicrous her turn was; the gist is "very, on all counts."

---

P.S. Anyone who says that Overhaul "has nothing left to live for" is being a level of ableist that defies description. Prosthetics exist. Assistive devices exist. Speech-to-text software exists. Overhaul is intelligent, driven and highly educated. Even if he never got prosthetics at all, there would still be things he could contribute to the world if he were motivated to do so. The better thing to do, though, would be to get the man some damn prosthetics, hook him up with the neurologist consulting on Pops' case, and let the two of them get on with the matter of waking up the old man.

P.P.S. Overhaul spent six months in solitary confinement. The United Nations considers solitary confinement exceeding 15 days to be a form of torture. Solitary confinement creates severe mental health issues and exacerbates existing ones. It frequently leads to a deadening of empathy, something Overhaul has in little enough amounts as it is. It is absurd to ask a man who's just come out of these conditions to "feel sorry for what you did to Eri," especially if you're planning to turn around and send him right back to solitary. Tartarus is inhuman, and the only reason more of the escapees aren't total wrecks like Overhaul is because Horikoshi clearly didn't bother to do the reading on the wide array of problems that those characters should be experiencing physically, mentally and socially.

#bnha #bnha critical #deku critical #bnha overhaul #chisaki kai #bnha muscular #my writing?#stillness has salt #bnha spoilers #one last salty post before I go back to working on things for characters and plots I actually like in this series #taking my life into my hands and posting this in the tags #but seriously #please please let Horikoshi realize #that Deku saying he wants to use OFA to save villains and then doing nothing but using OFA to beat them down again #is not Deku WINNING #it is Deku LOSING #saving someone takes more than rescuing them from a bullet that wasn't going to hit them anyway #if you don't have follow-through then you're just condemning people to fall through the cracks

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wardenannie · 3 years ago

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Just friends

In the beginning they aren’t friends at all. Not even remotely.

Hange is too excitable for Levi, and Levin too severe for Hange. Though the scientist attempts to feign cordiality between the two of them, Levi does nothing to conceal his disdain. It is only after Erwin calls them into his office and speaks to them sternly that they finally come to a silent agreement with one another.

Just friends begins with a sort of truce. An understanding between them that perhaps they aren't so different, or they are, but they can learn to overcome those differences for the sake of synergy in the field.

That is what Erwin wants, after all.

They still poke fun, but it's more lighthearted than it was before. More playful. There is a gentleness to it, a light. It brings some levity to those brutal, bloody days that linger in the backs of their minds. They actually begin to take some small comfort in each other’s presence, though neither of them are willing to admit it allowed, and most certainly not to each other.

When just friends becomes staying up and drinking tea and whisky into the budding hours of dawn, neither of them can say. But more than once they are the only two left standing among a field of drunken allies.

They look at one another, and even Levi, dead sober, sipping his tea, cannot help but smirk.

When Hange passes out in his lap he reluctantly allows the contact, that is until they drool on him, at which point he surreptitiously slips a pillow beneath their cheek.

He pretends not to watch them sleep, only for a moment.

He doesn’t find their peaceful expression enchanting. He doesn’t secretly find them handsome with their russet hair covering their eyes, mingling with their lashes. He pushes it out of their face anyways.

They’re just friends.

Just friends becomes casual touches. Passing smiles (or affectionate scowls in Levi’s case). It becomes easy nights spent in silent company. Nights spent in Hange’s lab, or lounging in the library. It becomes silent understanding, a fleeting consciousness of what the other is about to say or do.

Just friends becomes a sort of casual, platonic intimacy that has their comrades whispering and casting them knowing glances. But they simply ignore it. They are just friends after all.

When just friends begins to entail tending one another's wounds is about two years after their first meeting. Hange limps to his quarters, calf a bloody tattered mess from a nasty three-meter bite.

"I can't go to the infirmary," they explain. “If Erwin finds out about this he’ll bench me.”

He scolds them as he treats the wound with iodine and wraps it in clean gauze.

“You need to be more careful, four-eyes. It could have taken your leg clean off,” he tries to disguise the way his hands shake as he cleans each of the shallow gouges which hug Hange’s calf in a gory half moon.

They hiss and wince as dirt and debris are washed away, leaving only ragged flesh which will surely scar.

Levi pretends that their obvious discomfort doesn’t perturb him, but it does. Another new development. He cares for them, loathe as he is to admit it.

Just friends becomes sharing a bed with surprising swiftness after that.

It is after a particularly gory expedition beyond Wall Maria. Many of their comrades fall, never to rise again. The blood runs in rivers over the fallow earth, bones crunch between massive, inhuman teeth. And the screams. The screams bite into both of them; leaching into their very cores and clinging there like poison; breeding doubt, fear.

The knock comes on Levi’s door well past midnight. That he is still awake is a coincidence he cares not to consider too closely.

He knows its Hange without asking. Who else would be so bold as to disturb Captain Ackerman’s beauty sleep?

“Come in?” He’s reading a book by candlelight and doesn’t so much as glance up as Hange Zoe enters the room, shutting the door carefully behind themself.

“Levi...”

He glances over the top of his book; stare cool but not unkind, “Why are you bothering me so late at night, shitty-glasses? You should be asleep.”

Hange lingers at the threshold, clad in loose sleep clothing. Levi pretends he can’t see their nipples poking through the gauzy fabric of their shirt, “I could say the same about you.”

A long, pained silence passes between the two of them. A quiet sort of understanding.

Slowly, Levi lowers his book into his lap. Then he peels back the covers, scooting over and making room for Hange beside him.

“Bad dreams?” He asks, already knowing the answer he will receive.

Hange crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed, they rest their elbows on their knees, steepling their fingers in front of their face, “Yeah. You?”

Levi swallows thickly and nods.

“Can I...” Hange turns their face away, glancing out the window in a paltry attempt to disguise their flush, “Can I stay here tonight?”

Levi doesn’t so much as hesitate, “Yes.”

Tentatively, Hange lowers themself into the mattress, stealing away one of Levi’s pillows. They don’t touch. They don’t speak a word once Hange has settled in beside Levi. The captain simply reaches over his comrade and snuffs out the candle, cloaking them in darkness.

And so just friends becomes best friends in a night.

The territory of best friends is accompanied by a new found respect for one another. A respect that runs deeper than that which had already existed between them. Occasionally Levi will glance up at Hange to find that their eyes are already on him. Usually they are smiling. But on rare occasions their expression is more contemplative; thoughtful and distant.

Levi tries not to think about it too deeply. What it could mean. What they could be thinking while they stare at him with such intensity.

Then the meaning of just friends who happen to be best friends shifts again during a hard fought battle beyond the suffocating succor of the Walls.

Levi jerks awake, head throbbing, mouth dry and tasting of blood. The world around him is blurry at first, and he struggles to recall where he is until it slowly comes into focus.

There are arms around him, supporting his aching head and clutching at his hand. A voice calls out to him, low and panicked.

“Levi? Oh thank fuck, Levi,” it’s Hange. Levi can’t quite remember where he is, but he could place Hange’s voice anywhere. Slowly, they come into focus over him. Their head is ringed with sunlight that shines from behind them, creating the illusion of a halo around them as they look down on him.

It strikes him how perfect they are. Gorgeous. Handsome. Hawkish nose and wide, bright eyes, olive skin and russet hair. Imperfectly perfect.

Their wine-colored eyes shine with worry. They touch his face, tenderly, “Can you speak?”

“Yeah,” Levi rasps, and it finally comes back to him. A titan had emerged as if from nowhere and swept him out of the sky, knocking him head first into the cold, hard ground. Hange saved his life, felling the thing at the last moment before it took the Captain into its jaws.

For a moment it is enough to stun him. But isn’t that what best friends do for one another?

It is that night in Levi’s tent that they go from being just friends who are also best friends, to best friends who kiss in the dark.

Hange refuses to be parted from him. Insisting that he needs supervision due to his possible concussion. Levi doesn’t argue as they help him to his sleeping bag. Outside the stars hold their silent, glittering vigil, and the moon hangs low and radiant in the sky, bleeding through the canvas of the tent just enough to allow for some visibility.

“Try to stay awake,” Hange says softly, sitting beside him. They touch his forehead, pushing his hair away from his eyes. Their touch lingers, and Levi cannot help but notice the way their eyes seem to glimmer in the dark.

When they lean forward and press their lips to his it is chaste, delicate and fleeting. But when they try to pull away he cups the back of their neck and tugs them back to him, sitting up slightly so he can kiss them from an improved angle.

“Just friends,” he rasps between hurried kisses. Hange occupies all of his senses, from their earthy scent to the sharp taste of them on his tongue. He loves it. He would gladly drown himself in Hange Zoe.

Hange nods, curling into his side, kissing him again, “Just friends blowing off steam.”

Just friends, best friends, best friends who kiss in the dark; they carry on that way for months. Stealing kisses in those quiet moments between meetings and missions.

It isn’t long before hands begin to roam. Curious fingers searching over one another’s bodies as they chase each other’s tongues over eager, sliding lips. But they hold back. They resist that primordial drive for sex with everything they have. Because how can they be just friends if they’re having sex? How could they cross that line without jeopardizing everything they have built with one another?

But the others know. Mike, Nanaba, Moblit, even Erwin... they all know. The teasing glances have turned to those of legitimate concern, the passing comments have turned into genuine appeals for common sense. And so they are met with the second reason to remain just friends, best friends, friends who kiss in the dark; the life of a soldier is not one which can accommodate love. Real unconditional love. Duty will always take precedent.

Then comes the night where kissing in the dark is not longer enough.

It was never really enough, but things finally reach a boiling point.

Hange is in their lab, working well past midnight when Levi stumbles in. He is clad in nothing but a pair of loose fitting sleep pants, slate eyes wild. He is flushed, covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

A nightmare. He’s had a nightmare. Hange bleeding in his arms. Dying. Not from a wound inflicted by a titan but from a series of bullet holes bored into their middle. Weeping blood, crimson welling over his fingers despite the pressure he applied.

The image clings to the backs of his eyes, boring its way into his soul, his heart, his mind and consciousness. Hange; killed by another human, not a titan, but a man. Suddenly nowhere feels safe or sacred. He wants to take Hange into his arms and flee. Flee until the world cannot catch them.

Kisses in the dark could never fix this. It feels like nothing could fix this.

“Levi?” Hange turns away from their work, a collection of bubbling beakers resting on the wooden countertop. Their expression is one of concern as he crosses the room and pulls them roughly into his arms.

“I can’t fucking do this anymore,” He snarls, and then he kisses them roughly, pushing the small of their back into the hard edge of the counter. The beakers rattle and several spill over with the force of his body against theirs.

Hange moans into his mouth, melting into him, arms winding around the back of his neck as he helps them up and onto the counter. They shift backward, experiment forgotten, and suddenly they are anything but just friends.

Levi buries himself in Hange with little foreplay or preamble, but they are already wet and pliant, ready for him.

The sex is fast and desperate. Hange buries their face against Levi’s neck, feeling the erratic pace of his pulse as he delves into them.

“I love you,” they whimper. Because they do. With everything they have they love their Captain. Levi Ackerman. Humanity’s strongest. Theirs.

Levi fucks them harder for it. Because it can’t be. They’re just friends. Best friends. Friends who kiss in the dark and make frantic love at the thought of losing one another. Just friends.

Just friends.

Levi comes inside of Hange with a broken sob. Their fingers are in his hair, lips on his as they follow him over the edge. They’re crying, too. Tears mingle between their mouths as they work one another up again.

They dress, but only long enough to reach Levi’s quarters, at which point they peel away their clothing and fall into bed together. All of it is wordless, silent knowing passes between them. Each anticipates the other’s movements and react with according passion.

They make love again. Slower, softer. Hange’s soft cries fill up the room, punctuated by Levi’s muffled grunts as he buries his own noises in their damp skin.

“This is perfect,” Hange whispers, nails raking down Levi’s switching back. And then they say it again, “I love you.”

Wetness floods between them as Hange comes first. Levi rocks them through it, body wracked with pleasure, mind wracked with confusion, fear of what will happen come sunrise, when this new, precious thing between them has been exposed to the light of day.

But is it really so new? Has he not always loved Hange Zoe? Have they not occupied his every waking thought for years as he refused to acknowledge his own attractions?

He looks down as he fucks into them, finds their wine-colored gaze is locked on his face. They reach up and cup his cheek, soft moans slipping past their lips as his hips stutter and he finishes inside of them for the second time that night.

“Hange,” The way he speaks their name is ragged, like a desperate prayer on his lips. He kisses them. He never wants to stop kissing them.

“I love you,” Hange breathes between kisses. They roll onto their sides, their faces illuminated by a shaft of silvery moonlight through the window. “You don’t have to say it back but I can’t be just friends anymore, Levi. It’s driving me crazy.”

They kiss him, “Seeing you.”

Again, “Touching you.”

A third time, slower, wet, lingering, “But not being with you.”

Levi’s hands are on their hips, caressing up their sides. He feels the goosebumps he leaves in his wake, and knows he shares a similar physiological reaction to Hange’s own touch.

But they’re just friends. Just friends, best friends, friends who kiss in the dark, friends who make desperate love and whisper heartfelt confessions under cover of night. Just friends.

Hange touches his cheek, “Say something, please, Levi.”

His lips part, but he struggles to find the words to express his emotions. Nothing makes sense in that moment. The world has tilted on its axis, everything is changed, and yet nothing is.

“We were never just friends, shitty-glasses,” he says, finally. His eyes are glassy, gaze turned up to peer out the window at the night sky. The stars show their brilliant faces, glittering, and Levi wonders if perhaps their fate is written somewhere in that serene darkness.

“We’ll keep it a secret for as long as we can,” Hange reassures him, settling there head against his chest, where they can hear his heart beating steady and strong. They run their fingers over his sternum, between his pecs and down the expanse of his abdomen, toying with the trail of downy hairs beneath his navel.

“They already know,” Levi sighed, and he presses his mouth to the crown of Hange’s head. His eyes flutter shut, savoring the earthy sent of his lover. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

You’re all that matters, he tacitly implies.

“They know that we were never just friends.” He pulls the sheets over their sweat damp bodies. Cum stains the fitted sheet.

“They don’t approve,” Hange says softly, half asleep, lulled by Levi’s steady breaths.

“I don’t give a shit what they think. We deserve this.” Happiness. Even if it was fleeting. Even if one of them died come dawn, it would have all been worth it; to have been loved, to have known love.

They drift to sleep in each other’s arms.

Just friends, who became best friends, which in turn because friends who kiss in the dark, then lovers. Two people in love.

But they are soldiers, and they both know that whatever time they might have is borrowed. So they treasure it as best they can.

#Levihan #my writing #crossposted on Ao3

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Note

For Kauri and Chris: it doesn't work as well as you hoped, does it?

(follows Time Apart)

CW: Former pet whumpee, past noncon references, fucky headspace around consent and SERIOUSLY misconstrued response to assault, some hardcore angst going on here, internalized victim-blaming

Chris feels fingers move through his hair, gently sweeping the shaggy copper to one side, and opens his eyes to see Kauri leaning over him. His wide blue eyes are warm, understanding.

"I saw Laken leave," Kauri says, gentle, and sits next to where Chris has curled up on his side on his bed. His fingers continue to run through Chris's hair, tingling over his scalp, a soft and subtle reassurance, words he doesn't have to hear. You are good, you are a good boy. "You want to tell me what happened?"

Chris closes his eyes again, turning his face to his sheets, to the faint scent of laundry detergent and the soft rustle of them against his skin. He tries not to see Laken's face, reddened and wet with tears, as they walked away. "We, we broke up."

Kauri's fingers pause - and then start up again, the moment so barely-there that even Chris almost misses it. "You broke up? Did they break up with you, or you with them?"

"Um. I, I, I thought they broke up with, um, with with me but then when they came over, they hadn't? But we just-... I, I broke... I broke up with them." His voice trembles, throat threatening to close up around the words, and he exhales, rocking himself forward and back where he lays, rubbing his hands reflexively over the seams of his pants, seeking out the soothing feeling of the texture there. "I told them I, I, I can't be with them anymore. I made them go."

This can't be the end, Chris. Not like this. Laken looked like he'd slapped them, their face pale and red both at once, eyes wide, dark pools demanding he take it back. This can't be the end of the line for us.

Then, then, then what is? Just, just go. I don't-... I don't, don't, don't want this any longer, for you. You shouldn't-... I, I, I'm... just go home, Laken. You shouldn't, shouldn't have, have wanted a whore anyway.

Chris. You know you're not-

I know I am! I, I, I almost had-... I almost-... I almost cheated on you last night!

Laken had swallowed, lips barely moving. You what?

I let, I, I, I let someone touch me, and it felt good, you know? It felt good. I, I, I got-... I, I got turned on by it. Like a fucking- He'd heard Handler Petrus in his mind, felt him against his back, the weight and heat of him, whispering into his ear while he sobbed. I'm still just a fucking slut. I'm, I'm, I'm still what I was, and it won't ever stop and-... just fucking go, Laken! Just get out and, and, and and and and-... and, and-

Chris, please-

Just fucking go home!

Chris-... baby, god damn it, I don't care if you-

But I do! Get the fuck away from me!

They'd left. Chris had listened to their footsteps running down the stairs and out the door, heard their car pull out of the driveway, and he'd cried into his pillow until it was damp, until he couldn't hear their car any longer. His phone buzzed twice, a text from Ben and another one from Akio, but he didn't answer.

He didn't answer when they called after that.

He didn't answer Jake calling to him from downstairs, he didn't answer Antoni in the doorway, he didn't answer any of them at all. He just stayed right here, on his bed, and knocked his head into a pillow he held against the wall until he calmed down enough to stop.

And then he cried more.

His head pounds, a dull throb, and he feels dried out from all the tears. Like he'd been crusted with salt, like his professor who told the story about Lot's wife and Orpheus and Eurydice. Don't look back or you'll turn to salt, you'll go back down into the empty places alone.

He can't not look back.

He groans, smacking himself on the thighs reflexively, repeatedly, as if he can stop his thoughts that way.

Kauri doesn't try to stop him, only pulls his hand back to give Chris the space to move. "Did you want to break up with them?" He asks, simply. His voice is calm.

"No. Yes. I, I don't know." The seams of his pants aren't enough, and Chris breathes against the sense of a chaos inside of himself, a swirling mix of self-hatred and grief. His hands move up to tap on his stomach. Finger-twist-tap-tap-tap. It doesn't help as much as he needs it to. "I didn't... want them to, to, to have to be with me."

"I think Laken is capable of making that choice for themself." Kauri sits slowly back against the headboard, breathing out, his eyes moving over the messy contents of the bedroom. The pictures Chris has taped haphazardly up on the walls, the shelf with his stim toys on it, his computer on the desk half-buried in a pile of clean clothes he hasn't folded. "If they want to be with you, that's their decision. Do you want to be with them?"

Chris wants to say yes, but the word sticks in his throat. His heart pounds inside him, all out of rhythm. He just nods against his sheets, and feels Kauri brush fingers through his hair again. "But, but, but, but I'm, I'm not worth it, I'm t-too hard, I'm still a, a, a pet too much."

There's a silence. Then, "Is that what you really think?"

He'd love to be able to say no. He'd love to be able to say he's being dramatic. But instead, in a small, soft voice, Chris whispers, "I just. I just. I, I, I don't know a-any-anymore. I... Yes."

Kauri is quiet, and then his hands are on Chris's face, wiping away with his thumb a tear Chris hadn't even realized had escaped. Chris had flinched from the same gesture when Laken did it, but he holds for Kauri.

"Oh, honey. I used to think that, too." Kauri sighs, and Chris opens his eyes, looking up at him, seeing a faraway expression.

He shifts, moving to rest his head on Kauri's thigh, a silent request for the petting through his hair to begin again.

Kauri smiles, a little faintly, a little sad. His fingers move over Chris's scalp, settle over the top of his scar, start again. "I did that for years, Chris. I told myself I was a pet, just another Romantic, that I deserved everything I did to myself and I didn't deserve anything better. I woke up in alleyways and on park benches and sometimes in the beds of guys I couldn't remember meeting. I got... I got hurt by some of them, and I told myself it was what I wanted. I got drugged a few times, I drugged myself a bunch more. I tried to make myself not want to be cared about anymore."

Chris thinks about the taste of gin and olives down his throat, throwing back dirty martinis until he threw them back up again, until he couldn't stop hearing Sir's voice inside his head, feeling his lips against the back of his neck. Hands on his hips, phantom ghost touch, moving him into position.

"It... didn't work as well as I'd hoped. Every time I told myself I didn't deserve love, even when I believed it... that didn't mean I didn't still want it. Need it, even. But I wanted, so badly-..." Kauri's voice catches, and his eyes close, briefly, as he steadies himself. "I wanted to make sure everyone around me hated me as much as I hated myself. But God, Chris, it hurts so much to live that way. Don't... don't be like me. It took me years to realize I didn't deserve that pain, that I didn't deserve to be punished for leaving Owen."

Chris is silent, now. Kauri's voice is always almost hypnotizing, deep and a little melodic, and it settles some of the buzzing awful noise inside of him.

"I had to learn-... to accept... that what happened to me makes up a lot of who I am, because it was the thing that made me, but it isn't all of who I am. And if I keep repeating the patterns I came up with to protect myself... I'm not really protecting myself at all." Kauri smiles, a little. "I'm only laying siege to myself, and I'm the only one who starves inside the walls. I-... I built those walls, and Jake kept trying to knock them down, and I kept building them higher. And Nat would throw food over the wall, and I'd throw it back. And... I think I got a little off track. My point is that... is that I shattered myself, over and over again, because shattered is what I was taught to be. But eventually I had to admit that breaking myself into pieces was just cutting me up, not anyone else. Do you understand?"

Chris swallows, his throat opening a little bit, and he hums. Kauri's leg is warm against his ear and his cheek, his hand is warm over his hair. Chris grips onto the silicone feather he wears always on a cord around his neck and runs it over his lips, feeling the carved vanes move against thin, sensitive skin. "Kind of."

"You try to see the light in everything," Kauri says, and the love in his voice makes Chris smile despite all his pain. "That's always been what made you stronger than me, Chris. You saw the world as full of good things you were here to discover. You never hated yourself like I did. I don't want you to start now."

"How... how did you, um, did you learn to to to stop?"

Another long exhale. Outside, two birds are singing in the trees. "Time, mostly," Kauri says, finally. "And... that guy I went home with once, when I came back all... fucked up. Remember that?"

"Y, yeah."

"I realized... I realized, when Jake was helping me up the stairs, that every time I tried to push him away, he was still there. And every time I hurt him, or Nat, or Antoni, they were still there. And that you were-... you were so new, Chris, and I was teaching you this really awful idea that you can't get better, and I couldn't do that any longer. I couldn't. It's not instant, and there are backslides, and some days getting out of bed is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I do, because I love the life I've made, and I know you love yours. You worked so hard for this, Chris, for everything you are and you've done since you came to live with Nat. Don't give that up because... because you're struggling. Don't let them win by convincing you you can't be anything else."

"I'm so-... it feels like a shell," Chris says, and pushes himself up to sitting, legs out to one side, tucking his head into the crook of Kauri's neck. The older man's arms move around his waist, holding him close, one hand moving up to keep stroking through his hair as he bites down on the feather, chewing on the familiar plastic. "Like I, I, I built a shell, and when Nova-... it cracked."

"Yeah. I know how that feels." Kauri turns his head, pressing a kiss to the top of Chris's hair, easy and comfortable. Chris hums around his feather, rocking just a little. The rising tide of grief inside him threatens to become a wave he can't withstand. He pushed Laken away, too far away, he made them leave him.

He broke up with them.

He made them go.

He can't take that back.

"Listen to me," Kauri whispers, lips against his scalp. "When I was at my lowest, when I hated myself the most, when I demanded Jake abandon me to what I kept telling myself I wanted... he didn't. He was still there. He was still there, and even if we weren't going to be together, he was still willing to help me stand up as a friend. When I was nothing but pieces drawing blood, he still loved me. He loved the pieces as much as the person, and he helped me put myself back together. It's not perfect. It's not overnight. And you'll still have hard days. But it's worth it, Chris."

"Why? Why, why, why is it worth it?"

"Because the world is beautiful," Kauri says, repeating his own long-ago words back to him, and Chris almost smiles. "Because I love the world, now, Chris, and I decided to try as hard as I can to love myself. I learned that from you."

"What if-... what if, if, if it's too late? What if I can't t-talk to them, or-"

"Then we'll stand you back up from there, and start moving forward again. You'll never lose us, we're family, Chris. But I think you should talk to Laken, and tell them what you're feeling, and let them decide how to react instead of deciding for them. They love you." Kauri puts a hand under his chin and lifts it, so their eyes meet. "Let them love you hurting just as much as they do when you're not."

"What if I don't... want to try any longer?"

"Then we'll be here to help you through that, too. All of it. Any of it. For better or worse, Chris, I'm your big brother - and so is Jake, and so is Antoni - and you're stuck with us whether you like it or not."

Chris tucks his head back down so Kauri can't see the tears well back up and run down, even as they soak into his shirt. His teeth grind down on the silicone plastic between them.

"I, I, I fucked up, Kauri," he whimpers, and then starts to sob. "I didn't-... I, I, I just don't w-want to be in m-my body anymore..."

Kauri holds him close.

"I h-hate it, I hate it, I hate it," Chris wails, and Kauri rests his chin on Chris's head and lets him cry. "I hate being p-pretty, I hate my, my, my, I hate that they made my body like this, I hate that I g-get scared and and and, and, and I can't stop things from happening to me, I h-hate that I hurt Laken, I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it!"

"I know," Kauri whispers. "I know, honey. I know."

"I h-hate myself-"

"Sssshhhh, I know."

Chris doesn't know how long he cries for.

But eventually he falls asleep in Kauri's arms.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @whumpfigure @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

Playlist for this piece:

Lewis Capaldi: Hold Me While You Wait Rob Thomas: Pieces Vienna Teng: Between Aerelie Brighton: Breathe Josh Ritter: Girl in the War Beth Crowley: Runaway Train

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the-cult-of-russo · 4 years ago

Text

Biggest regret (part 2)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

A/N: Quite a few of you guys wanted a part two to this one. Mixed angst and fluff kind of? So... I didn’t wanna rush this one and it kind of got away from me. I want to do a part three to it which will be where the main fluff begins if you guys are interested.

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness, fluff kinda

-----------

Nervous didn't even begin to cover how Billy felt now he was back stateside. He was on his way home after a successful mission and his thoughts were consumed with you and the baby. He hadn't been able to think of much else. He didn't regret sending the letter but he was vulnerable now. He'd put himself out there and he hated how out of control he was with the situation.

There was every chance you wouldn't even get the letter. You could have easily moved since the last time he spoke to you and you'd never know he'd tried to reach out. And of course he had the resources available to track you down if needed but it felt wrong to do that. Although if he got desperate enough he knew he was selfish enough to do it.

He wasn't sure what would be worse; you never getting the letter or you getting the letter and ripping his heart out. Hypocritical, he knew, after what he'd done to you. But he wasn't sure how he'd handle it. There were too many variables for this whole thing and it set him on edge. Even if you got the letter it didn't mean you'd respond. And if you responded it didn't mean it would be anything he'd like to hear. You could be telling him to go fuck himself, which he'd wholeheartedly understand, but it would hurt nonetheless.

He didn't dare get his hopes up. He knew that the very best he'd probably get was the bare minimum information about his kid. Name and age, if that. And while it may not be a lot, it would mean the world to him but he wasn't holding his breath for even that.

He felt like a string pulled taut ready to snap as he made his way to his apartment. He made a beeline to the mail room and unlocked his mailbox and grabbed the stack of letters. He knew it was stupid as he held his breath and flicked through the envelopes. He tried so hard not to get his hopes up yet he hadn't been able to help it. There was a bunch of junk mail and more formal business-like things. But then a handwritten envelope had his heart stopping completely. He'd know your handwriting anywhere. He stared at it for a long moment and all he could hear was the blood rushing to his head. So much hung on what you'd say in this letter and it left him open to complete and utter heartbreak. He felt sick.

Deciding to open it upstairs so he'd be able to have a mental breakdown in peace, he all but ran to the elevator and made his way up to the top floor. It felt like it took a year to get there and he made quick work of getting inside his apartment. The other mail got tossed on the counter, forgotten and not important and he walked over to his sofa before sitting on it. He placed the letter on the coffee table, glaring at it as he wrung his hands. He was genuinely terrified of what was inside. He'd faced so much in his life, fought literal wars. Yet this was the most scared he'd ever been.

He jumped off the sofa, going in the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of whisky before he went and sat back down, his leg bobbing up and down without even noticing. He didn't need a glass and instead just took a large gulp before he set the bottle down. He needed to stop being such a little bitch and open the damn thing. With shaking hands, he grabbed the letter and opened it. He pulled out the paper, unfolding it as his heart thumped wildly in his chest. The first thing he noticed were the few splotches of now dried wetness on the page that had the ink bleed slightly. You'd cried when writing this and his heart seized up.

Billy,

I was surprised to hear from you, I won't lie. At one time I expected it. When I was pregnant I kept expecting you to call or turn up here or something, but as the months went on I realised it wouldn't happen. Better late than never though, right?

Ouch. You weren't wrong but it stung all the same. He imagined you, scared and pregnant and alone and hoping he'd turn up and be the man you needed and it hurt him more than he felt comfortable with.

It kind of hurts that you think I'd withhold information about our baby from you. I thought you knew me better than that. I thought a lot of things though and I was wrong so I'm not surprised. You were the one that walked away from us, I'd never be petty enough to keep you away just because of what happened with us.

He did know you well enough but he hadn't been able to stop his mind going there. Because he knew deep down he didn't deserve you bothering with a reply for how he abandoned you. He knew he was asking for too much. He shouldn't have been surprised you'd reply since you always went above and beyond for him. He never deserved it. Not then and certainly not now.

I won't sit here and lie to you. It crushed me when you walked away. I was terrified to tell you when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't sure how you'd react. A part of me thought it would end the way it did but… I really hoped it wouldn't. I held out too much hope and I see that now.

You thought he was a better man than he was. Gave him too much credit. It stung like a bitch that he'd hurt you this much. He never wanted to hurt you.

The pregnancy was tough. I was in and out of hospital and I was really sick. Then I had issues at the end with the placenta. I had to go through all of it alone and I stupidly wished you'd just magically turn up every time I ended up back at hospital.

His lower lip wobbled and he sneered at himself. He should have been there. He should have held your hand and told you it would be okay. You shouldn't have had to go through any of this alone.

We have a little girl. I called her Delilah. I know you might not like the name but it was left down to me and I liked it. I think it suits her.

A girl. His chest ached and his hands trembled, eyes filling with tears and a sad smile spread on his face. He had a little girl. And he loved the name. You could have called her something ridiculous and it wouldn't have mattered to him.

She came early. With all the issues with the pregnancy she ended up being a month premature. She was tiny. I was terrified she wouldn't be okay. I couldn't even hold her right away because she was in an incubator. I was so scared, Billy.

A choked noise left his lips and a few tears leaked down his cheeks. What had he done? He left you at your most vulnerable and his baby had been sick. And what had he been doing? Living his life like nothing had happened. He made himself sick. ‘I was so scared, Billy. I was so scared, Billy. I was so scared, Billy.’ He could practically hear your voice saying those words. Hear how it would waver like it did when you got upset. Hear the hurt and fear in your voice. He should have been there.

She's four months old now and she's doing amazing. She's such a happy baby. It's like all she does is smile. She has your eyes and my hair. She mostly looks like you though.

He sniffled, wiping his eyes with one hand as he gave a watery smile. He tried to imagine what she looked like. A mix of you both. She'd be perfect. It eased him a little to know she was okay now, that she wasn't sick anymore. He hadn't expected you to give him so much information but it made his heart swell that you were. As always, it was way more than what he deserved.

When I got your letter, I think I didn't stop crying for hours. A mix of hurt and relief, I guess. I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't any bitterness. I went through everything alone and now you just turn up because you're ready. I didn't get that luxury, Billy. I didn't have a choice. It was either have my baby or not, there was no walking away until I felt ready for me.

His chest felt even tighter and your disappointment only fueled his self hatred about the whole thing. You weren't exactly wrong and he'd been a coward.

I won't hold it against you though. It might take time to fully forgive you but I won't make you suffer. You're still her dad and I'd never deny either you or her that right. The fact that you even want to be part of her life at all means alot to me. I never wanted to have that talk with her when she was older about why you walked away.

It was bittersweet. Knowing you were extending an olive branch and letting him in even after all this time. But the knowledge that you'd been worried about what to tell your daughter when she was older hurt him. It was exactly what he didn't want. He never wanted her to feel unloved by him.

I sent you a few pictures and they're yours to keep.

He set the letter down instantly and scooped up the envelope, he hadn't noticed anything else in there in his haste to read the letter. But he pulled out a few Polaroids and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

The first was of you. You were in the mirror standing sideways with the Polaroid camera in one hand. You only had on leggings and a bra and your bump was pretty big, cradled by your other hand. You looked so beautiful and he couldn't believe he'd missed out on this. Couldn't believe he'd walked away from you. The writing at the bottom had '7 months inside' written on it and his thumb stroked your bump as he wished he had been able to do in the flesh. With a heaving sigh and heavy heart, he set the picture down to look at the next.

The second was of a tiny baby in an incubator. She had on a knitted pink hat and she looked so tiny and small. A sob left his lips then as he gazed at her. She was beautiful but so fragile and he hadn't been there. His job was to protect her and he hadn't been there. He could only imagine the pain you'd been in going through that alone. In your writing at the bottom in black ink was the date and her name. His breathing hitched as he read 'Delilah Russo'. You gave her his last name. He hadn't expected that at all and he found a rush of joy and pride flooding his system as he openly cried at the picture. She was so fucking tiny and he remembered you saying you hadn't been able to hold her right away. He knew it must have killed you.

His hand set it down shakily as he looked at the next. His little girl was still small but you were holding her now. You looked tired and like you'd lost a lot of weight. It hurt him deeply. Yet despite that you had a look of pure love and happiness on your face as you stared down at the little bundle in your arms and it made him cry all over again. He idly wondered if his own mother had ever looked at him that way when he was born but he highly doubted it. It stirred something deep inside of him to see how much you adored her.

The last picture seemed more recent and was of Delilah all on her own. She was propped up by pillows and had a cheeky smile on her face, her grubby little hands holding a stuffed blackbird. Oh... He thought the tears were done but apparently not and he hated himself so fucking much. All these little things in his honor were killing him because it was clear that no matter what he'd done to you, you still tried to have him in your daughters life somehow and that shit hurt. The writing at the bottom said '3 months outside' and he smiled through his tears.

She was so fucking beautiful and you hadn't lied that she had your hair and his eyes. Dark pools of almost black were staring back at him through the picture and it was a foreign sensation to see a mini version of him. The one difference being she was happy and well loved and he wanted nothing more for her than that.

He stared at the picture for what felt like forever as he took in every little detail in her chubby little face, committing it all to memory. All of these pictures were special to him and way more than anything he thought he'd get in response to his piece of shit letter but he was grateful. He slipped the last one into his wallet before picking the letter back up to finish it.

I'm glad you reached out now and not later. She's still only a baby, too young to really remember any of this. It would have been harder to have you in her life later and have her be too confused at who you are. It's gonna take time and patience, she's not used to you, but if you'd like then I'd like you to meet her.

He felt like he stopped breathing altogether for a moment. You want him to meet her. You'd let him… he broke down, sobs mixed with pure pain and guilt with the sheer relief that he'd actually get to meet his little girl. He never thought in his wildest dreams you'd gift him that and he felt so overwhelmed he didn't think he'd be able to stop crying. He was a far cry in that moment from the man he knew himself to be.

I won't put pressure on you to meet her if it's too much but I will say this. You're either in or out with this. You can't decide to come into her life and then leave again, Billy. I won't let it happen. You broke my heart and there's no way in hell I'm letting you break hers. Really think about this before you contact me because you need to be fully ready for it. I won't have you half ass this, okay? If you're really ready to be her dad then call me. If not, I'll understand and I'll leave you with the pictures. It's your call, but don't fuck it up.

Y/N

He laughed, the sound watery and pained but he couldn't help it. Something about you being so protective over your baby made his whole chest bloom with warmth. And while it hurt him that you had to warn him at all, he knew he deserved it. He'd walked away once before and you wouldn't let it happen again. It killed him to read that he broke your heart even though he already knew. But you were protecting your kid. His kid. And it only made him love you harder at you not taking any shit.

Your number was scrawled at the bottom of the letter and he wanted to call right away. He didn't though. He would respect your wishes and think about it, at least mull it over for tonight. He knew without a doubt he wasn't planning on walking away, no matter how hard it may be down the line. He had no intention of hurting his girl. But you asked him to think hard about it and he'd give you that. Just the notion that you'd allow him to meet her had his head spinning.

It wouldn't be perfect by any means. He'd hurt you beyond repair and he wasn't stupid enough to think that being in his daughters life meant getting you back the way he wanted. But it was better than he ever thought he'd get.

He sniffled again, grabbing his phone and pressing speed dial one without hesitation. He didn't give the person on the line a chance to speak once they answered.

"Frankie... I got a little girl," Billy beamed through his sobs. Frank made a choked noise on the other end.

"Shit, Bill. Congratulations," he replied, his own voice thick with emotion and wavering.

Billy would never forget how badly Frank reacted to the news you were pregnant and he'd just walked away. It stuck with him for a long time and he knew Frank was hurt by what he did. Billy was his family which meant his kid was family.

Billy didn't care as he openly sobbed down the phone to his best friend and he knew Frank wouldn't rib him for it, not this time. Once he mentioned he had pictures, Frank didn't hesitate to tell him he was on his way over.

Despite the pain he was feeling and the self loathing, he felt a sense of completeness that he'd never felt before. And he knew no matter what he'd do right by you and his baby girl. He'd be the man you both deserve. You were both his family and he wouldn't abandon you. Not again. He wouldn't perpetuate the cycle of his own harsh upbringing. It would be different this time. He'd be a good dad. A good man for his girls.

#billy russo x reader #billy russo #the punisher #billy russo imagine

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kohanayaki · 3 years ago

Text

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 3

Continuing the story of how you and Sirius became friends; as James and Remus grow closer to you, Sirius continues to treat you coldly until a late night encounter makes him question everything.

LINKS: CH 1 CH 2 CH 3 CH 4 CH 5 CH 6 CH 7 CH 8

________________________________________________________

Ch 3 .:Resistance and Reconciliation:.

~Previously~

“I'm not going to bother making friends with someone whose family is so wrapped up in blood politics they forget to be human beings first. Trust me, I've met their mother enough times to know.”

“Did you ever ask them about it?” Remus pressed.

“I don't really need to, do I? They're a (L/n). Open your eyes, Moony!”

Remus' brow furrowed, a shine in his eyes akin to sympathy as he regarded Sirius.

“Perhaps it's you that needs to clear your vision, friend.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1974 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sirius sat on the stone ledge on the window of his dorm room, looking out towards the Black Lake. He could see the push and pull of the wind as the thin branches of the ash trees bowed gently with the rhythm. In the reflection of the glass he could see James and Peter behind him experimenting with an altered set of wizard's chess, complete with fire-breathing knights and bishops that threw daggers, while one of Remus' records spun in the background.

Despite everything he could have been thinking about at the moment, his thoughts, irritatingly enough, drifted to you. He frowned slightly as he leaned his shoulder against the window, annoyed that you occupied even a portion of his mind. He just couldn't understand you. Somehow you had turned James, who had once openly proclaimed you his sworn enemy, into something close to a friend in the span of a year. You had no qualms with pranks pulled on you, yet you were fiercely protective when they were directed at others. You were always smiling, yet your temper took no prisoners. If you weren't a Slytherin you might even be attractive.

The thought made him bolt upright. Where the hell did that come from? He almost laughed. No. Absolutely not. He was Sirius Black, he could get anyone he wanted in this bloody school, and he certainly wasn't going to busy his mind with you. What the hell was wrong with him? It's not like he noticed the way you smiled to yourself when you were reading, or the fact that the sound of your laugh got stuck in his head like a song—

No. Stop it. Get your head straight, they're evil.

Sirius exhaled deeply, rubbing his tired eyes with his hands. For some reason that thought didn't sit right in his brain, and the longer he sat with it he came to a horrifying conclusion:

Maybe Remus was right.

The only time you'd really been nasty to them was when they'd instigated it first, or whenever they had a go at Snivelus, which had become less and less frequent; Sirius suspected because of your tentative friendship with James. He'd always just assumed you were like the other Slytherins he'd come to know. There's been hearsay circulating around you, especially given your family's reputation, but you yourself hadn't really done anything to prove the rumors. Maybe you really weren't like your family at all. Maybe you were like him. . .

Suddenly, he caught movement in the corner of his eye, not from his friend's reflections but from outside the window itself. A figure emerged from the lamplight of the castle gate, making their way towards the edge of the forest. If the green lining of your school robes and (h/c) hair didn't peak his interest, the flash that he saw of your face as you shot a quick glance over your shoulder confirmed it was you.

Sirius' mind began racing as he watched you disappear into the foliage, and suddenly every thought that had given you the benefit of the doubt vanished. He'd heard the rumors about the gatherings in the forest, everyone had. He'd even caught Snape practicing dark magic there himself one of the first nights they'd used the Shrieking Shack passageway.

He jumped off his perch by the window and grabbed a sheet of parchment and a quill, drawing a rough outline of the perimeter of the forest. He labeled the Black Lake so his spell would have a going off point and pressed his wand to the still drying ink.

“Revelare Popularis,”

The enchantment was a work in progress— a technique he'd learned from a seventh year. It wasn't exact, but it was enough to tell him if anyone else was in the forest right now. His eyes darted across the paper as he scanned his makeshift map, and the color drained from his face as he saw names suddenly appear in a cluster by the lake: Mulciber, Wilkes, Avery, and Malfoy.

Was this it? Were you really one of them?

James looked up from his game as he saw Sirius grab his leather jacket off where it hung from his bedpost.

“Going somewhere?”

“(L/n) just went into the forest,” Sirius said, “I'm following them.”

“Why, Sirius?” Remus said sardonically, having had enough of his unusual grudge against you, “We're not really ones to talk when it comes to sneaking around the forest at night, now are we?”

“He's got a point,” James said, “I mean, what do you think you're going to see?”

“What do I think?” Sirius scoffed, pushing the paper into Jame's hands, “what does it look like?”

James looked down at the parchment blankly.

“What am I looking at?”

“A variation on Revelio,” Sirius explained quickly, “if you have a location in mind it shows you who's there, but only at the time the charm is cast.”

“Are you kidding me?” James' jaw nearly dropped, “You're just now showing this to us? We could have been taking advantage of this spell to dodge Filch this whole time!”

“I'm serious.”

James had to fight hard not to make a joke out of that one.

“If (L/n)'s meeting up with those guys it can't be for anything good,” Sirius continued, “and I'm gonna find out exactly why.”

Before any of the boys could get another word in, Sirius took off running down the corridor. James groaned, rebelling against the urge to slam his head into the wall.

“I've got to stop him before he does something stupid,” he said, pulling a coat on over his shoulders, “You with me, Remus?”

“Probably not the best idea,” Lupin reminded him, “the moon's full tomorrow. I won't turn, but in the direct moonlight I may get a bit. . . well, you know.”

“Right,” James sighed, running a hand through his hair in distress, “Peter?”

The boy jolted as he was addressed, his eyes quickly cast down to his twiddling fingers.

“I. . . w-well. . .”

“Fine,” James said, waving them off in annoyance, “I'll go at him alone.”

___________________________________________________

You took a grateful breath of the crisp night air, letting the wind whistle through your hair and clothes. You loved your common room, but it could feel constricting at times, especially when there were nights as beautiful as this taking place.

Your eyes drifted up to the moon, smiling at the sight of it. It was nearly full, only a sliver of white missing from the very edge of the sphere. The sight alone was enough to make you feel more at home in your own skin, an inexplicable sense of comfort washing over you. You hadn't been able to really let loose and just run in so long. You'd made doubly sure no one had followed you into the forest, but you still gave your surroundings a quick once over. You jumped as the sound of leaves crunching suddenly asserted itself behind you and you lit your wand quickly, turning to see who it was.

“. . . Black?”

“Sorry, were you expecting someone else? One of your pureblood friends, maybe?”

The confused look on your face only made his anger flare.

“Don't act coy,” he asked harshly, “just what are you playing at?”

Your back straightened in surprise, taken aback by his words.

“Excuse me?”

“I've seen you talking to my brother, Rosier, Snivelus, and all those other Slytherins. Don't think I don't know what you're doing,” the words flew out of his mouth before they had time to pass through his brain, every irrational irritation he had regarding you spewing out of him at once, “I've had to sit through it, you know. All those dinners where my parents talk blood politics with all the fanatics who think just like them. I've listened to your mother brag all about your pure blood line and how her child is 'so eager to carry on the family traditions'. So whatever you're planning by getting close to James, I'm not going to let it happen.”

You felt like you were frozen in place, staring at him as your throat tightened into knots.

“My mom?” you said, voice suddenly small, “Sirius. . . my mom passed away when I was little.”

Your words hit the Gryffindor like a truck.

“. . . what?” he asked dumbly, his brain delaying slightly in processing what you'd just said.

“She got sick. . . an experimental spell gone wrong. If you met someone with my family's name that spoke like that, it was probably my aunt. My cousin goes to Ilvermorny. That's the child she's talking about, not me. The divide between purebloods and muggleborns is even more severe in America, if you can believe it. . . ”

Sirius faltered, this new information going against everything he'd heard and thought he knew about you and your family.

“But,” he hesitated, “your father—”

“Put up the image he had to in order to keep me safe,” you said. You knew he was documented as being very open about his pureblood pride and distaste towards muggles, but it was a cover more than anything, “Since he stopped speaking with my aunt and moved us both away from the estate, she's acted as the new head of the (L/n) House, and that was years ago. . .”

You trailed off awkwardly, not feeling very self-righteous in your explanation.

“I know my family doesn't have the best reputation. . . that's probably why you hate me, huh?” you chuckled humorlessly, wincing at how harsh the words came out. But if you were honest, you were hurt that out of everyone in their group, Sirius was the one that didn't even seem to want to give you a chance. You were the one who had extended the olive branch in the first place on the condition that they ease up on Severus.

“Hate you?” Sirius echoed hollowly, feeling guilt creep up on him like a shadow, “that's. . . shit, no, that's not—”

“Everte Statum!”

You gasped as Sirius was suddenly shot backwards, his body flipping wildly through the air from the force before being slammed against the trunk of a nearby tree. His head spun, heavily disoriented as his vision shifted in shades.

You had drawn your wand on instinct, looking around for your attackers when you saw a black-clad figure lift their hood, revealing a long mane of white hair that stood out starkly in the night.

Malfoy.

“Well, looky here,” Mulciber taunted, revealing himself behind you, “we've caught the two biggest blood traitors of the last century having a touching little moment together.”

Laughter echoed from the trees, Wilkes emerging from the shadows. You took up a defensive position as their group surrounded you.

“Now, let's not be hasty, Mulciber,” Lucius said, “their father may have disgraced their house, yes, but they didn't have a choice. It's not too late for them to make the right one now.” His lips turned up into a snarl as he regarded Sirius, “get away from that blood traitor, (L/n), he'll rub off on you.”

You grit your teeth hard, preparing to cast a spell when Malfoy put his hand up in a silencing gesture, the pretentious little prat.

“Ah, you don't want to make any rash moves either, (L/n),” he said, looking to your left. You followed his gaze to see Avery coming out of the foliage, grappling with someone under his arm.

“Potter?!”

James smiled weakly as Avery held him in a choke hold, a bit of blood dripping down the side of his head.

“Hey,” he said, humor still light in his voice, “So, this didn't exactly work out as planned.” He groaned as Avery's elbow was driven into his stomach, effectively silencing him.

As soon as you tried to move towards him, Lucius had his wand pointed at you.

“Let him go and get lost, Malfoy,” you said lowly, “you've taken this far enough.”

“You've been avoiding us, (L/n),” Lucius said, ignoring you entirely, “Snape may have come up with some rubbish excuses for you earlier, but you can't keep running from this.”

“If practicing curses on first years and terrorizing other people is how you plan on using magic, then I don't want any part of your little cult,” you spat, “face it, Malfoy— you lot need me, but I don't need you.”

Lucius exhaled sharply, his genuine surprise at your resistance replaced quickly with anger.

“Think about what you're doing, (L/n),” he said, his eyes narrowing dangerously, “don't be a fool like your father.”

That did it.

With a growl you unleashed an orange bolt of energy from your wand, your Stupefy hitting Lucius square in the chest. Mulciber was quick to retaliate with a jinx of his own, which you quickly nullified with a shield charm. Shock flashed across his expression at your casual use of nonverbal magic, and he recovered one second too late.

Sirius was back on his feet, petrifying Mulciber and swatting Wilkes away like a fly with the knockback jinx before either could cast a spell at you. You and Sirius found yourselves back to back, fending off Lucius as he continued to direct a steady stream of curses in your direction. Sirius managed to create an opening for you and you turned to where James was being held.

“Evanossa!”

A flash of blue hit Avery, who shrieked in horror when he saw that the arm he was using to hold Potter had turned gelatinous, fingers drooping down like melting ice cream. James wasted no time paying him back in kind for roughing him up earlier, sending him flying into the oak tree and using the water from the Black Lake to freeze him there before joining you in the fray.

“Expelliarmus!” he called out, sending Wilke's wand spinning out of his reach and leaving only Malfoy against the three of you.

Lucius faltered for a moment as he stared down your group of three, but held fast.

“Leave it, Malfoy,” you said, “it's over.”

He growled under his breath, taking up an obvious offensive stance, but you were too quick.

“Ebublio!”

Lucius gasped as he suddenly found himself encased in a giant bubble, his knockback jinx ricocheting off the inside and hitting him in the back of the head. He pounded against the bubble in frustration but found it to be thick as Plexiglas and just as strong, unable to pop it. Suddenly, he was hoisted into the air as you raised your wand higher, directing him farther and farther away until he was hovering directly over the Black Lake.

“Let me go this instant!” he growled.

A devilish smile graced your features.

“You got it.”

“No, wait, don't you dar—AHH!!”

You turned your back on him, your breaking eye contact promptly bursting the bubble and sending him flailing into the water a few feet below.

You chuckled as you sent a few quick counter-jinxes out from your wand, restoring Mulciber's range of motion and liquefying the ice that trapped Avery.

As soon as Mulciber was unpetrified he took off running towards the Lake where Lucius was furiously treading water, tripping over his feet as he dragged Wilkes along with him. Avery limped after them, defrosted but still chilled to his bones (which you had been so kind to also restore).

“I'd fish him out quickly if I were you,” you called after them, “the giant squid is more active at night.”

“You're out of your mind, (L/n)!” Avery turned around and yelled, but with fear evident in his eyes, “You'll live to regret this, mark my words. The Headmaster—”

“Would love to know who cast the first spell, I'm sure,” you said darkly.

Avery stammered out some lame response under his breath before turning around and running after the rest of group, retreating.

Sirius turned to look at you, awestruck and chocked full of adrenaline. Maybe you really weren't so bad after all.

“That was. . .” James trailed off, grasping for the words and blurting them out as soon as he found them, “Brilliant, (Y/n). You're bloody brilliant.”

You felt your face heat up, not expecting that. You and James had stopped trading insults and threats (serious ones, anyways) and your teasing had become well meant, but neither of you had crossed the threshold of actually paying the other a compliment before.

“Thanks, Potter,” you said, unable to fight the smile on your face. You turned to Sirius briefly. “I hope this cleared some things up for us,” you said, “I'd really like to try and be friends, so. . .”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, wanting to kick himself at the way you turned him into a monosyllabic neanderthal with just a look. You gave him a small smile before turning back to James who was trying desperately to hide his limp and aching rib cage.

“Alright, let's get you to the hospital wing, Potter,” you sighed, “you look like a cheap action star in a muggle movie.”

“Uh,” James said nervously, “better we not. If I go to Madame Pomfrey three times in one day she'll never let me hear the end of it.”

“And who's fault is that?” You huffed, slinging an arm over his shoulder and helping him walk, “at least let me patch you up, then.”

Sirius followed some distance behind you, watching as you walked James back towards the castle and laughed at his occasional jokes. This one night had just turned everything upside down for Sirius. This whole time he was sure that he didn't like you because you were a blood-purist Slytherin and he was jealous that you were taking his best friend away from him; but the way you had stood up to Lucius and his goons made your position on blood politics very clear, and the tight feeling that struck Sirius' chest as he watched you cozy up with James made him reevaluate just which one of you he was jealous of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sirius?”

The man blinked, slowly coming back to reality. You were looking up at him in concern, your head resting lightly on his shoulder. It took an embarrassing amount of his willpower to keep from leaning forward just a few inches and kissing you.

Could you pick a worse time, you numbskull? He thought, mentally smacking himself for even thinking about it.

“Are you okay?” you asked hesitantly after he stayed silent.

“I'm alright,” he insisted, giving you a reassuring smile, “just. . . thinking about how far we've come.”

His answer surprised you, though not in a bad way.

“I suppose we have,” you smiled back, “this is a far cry from you scowling at me from across the Great Hall over your breakfast.”

“I did not scowl,” Sirius scoffed playfully, nudging you away with his shoulder.

“Right,” you grinned, “scowling, glaring, glowering, whichever you prefer.”

“I said I was sorry,” he said, putting his hands up in mock surrender, although you both knew you weren't really upset about it. You'd long since forgiven him for his initial misjudgment.

When your light laughter died down, your head found itself lulling to the side again, tiredness taking over your mind as you rested against Sirius once more. When you tilted your head up to look at him he had a surprisingly pensive look on his face. Your eyes traveled across his expression, his gray eyes almost taking on a deep shade of blue in the shadows of his room. You noticed how much younger he looked when he was smiling; it was in moments like these when it really set in how long you had known each other, because you could see the years in his eyes.

Your own flickered down to his lips in spite of yourself and Sirius' heart skipped a beat, fearing you could feel it racing in his rib cage. When had you turned him so soft? He chuckled inwardly. Long before he had fully come to terms with how he felt about you was the answer. Even when he was in Azkaban, with two of his closest friends dead and the world convinced he was at fault, even if he had to live with the fact that he would never see you again, he still thought of you, and that kept him alive, sane— himself. But now you were here in front of him, and he was terrified that at any moment you would vanish into thin air and he would find himself back in that horrible cinder block cell, face to face with a dementor as it took his last memories of you away from him.

Your hand squeezed his, almost as if you had read his thoughts— as if you were assuring him that you were real, and you weren't going anywhere. You noticed him leaning in closer, even if he didn't, possessed by some invisible force. You were nearly about to meet him halfway when you were suddenly startled apart by the sound of quick, heavy-footed steps bounding down the stairs.

You both looked at each other as if you had just awoken from some sort of trance, instinctively putting some distance between yourselves as you shifted away awkwardly.

“I. . . I should probably get to bed,” you said, your face warm.

“Right,” Sirius said, reluctantly getting up from his seat at the edge of his bed, “I've kept you up long enough, I'm sure you're tired. . .”

Before you left his room you turned over your shoulder, a small smile on your face.

“It's really good to see you again, Sirius,” you said earnestly, “we should catch up for real later.”

“Definitely,” he said, a bit of his old self reflected in that smirk of his, albeit forced.

You steeled yourself, turning the doorknob and closing the door behind you gently before you did something to ruin the friendship you had just gotten back after over a decade. You shook the thought aside, your head hurting. You really did need to sleep after today.

You were about to head into your room, but something in you didn't feel quite right. You'd definitely heard someone go down the stairs, but you hadn't heard the front door open or close. Dread pooled in your stomach at your gut feeling, and you found yourself inexplicably making your way back down the stairs.

The house was eerily silent now that its residents had either gone off to bed or disapparated until the next meeting in a few days time. You'd left Sirius upstairs, and you knew Harry was staying here for the time being until school began, but everyone else had gone home. So then why did you still feel someone else's presence so acutely?

You stared at the empty hallway leading to the front door, taking a cautious step forward; the image in front of you didn't feel real. The colors were too saturated, the edges too sharp, and the surfaces too smooth. And that's when it hit you. The smell of rain. Leather-bound books. Lavender.

You froze, staring at the seemingly empty space in front of you.

“Severus?”

The potions master didn't dare make a sound, thinly veiled behind his invisibility charm but clearly not well enough. He was standing not three feet in front of you, taking in the sight of you as if it were the last thing he would ever see.

He panicked slightly as he felt you reach out to him with your mind, shutting himself off expertly. Your hurt expression as you were unable to detect anything pained him, but he wouldn't dare think that he deserved to say anything to you. What was there to say after everything he'd done?

Your gaze roamed the empty hall, and for a moment he could have sworn you stared him right in the eyes.

You knew he was there.

The moment lasted no longer than a second before you looked away, turning to go back up the stairs. As soon as your back was facing the front door you heard it open then close gently, and the tears you had been fighting to hold back finally spilled over.

Read chapter 4 here !

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