#It physically hurt me to draw this because of all the cringey memories tied to drawing like this in highschool...

[flowery-laser-blasts]

"Shego, what do you think of my ne--" "No." "..."

This man has been practising his artistic skills ever since 'sick day', only to be called a 'weeb' by his wife. I say he's doing great. 😔

[lunafeather]

Hi! Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly, then send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable) SPREAD POSITIVITY ❤

Oh shit okay like uhhhh

1. I am super protective of my friends/family to the point that I would probably die for them. I will go to BAT for them, I will turn rabid and feral when they are hurt or disrespected, and I will destroy whoever hurts them. I think this ties heavily into how loyal I am, and I really like that about myself. I like being someone you know you can count on, because I’ve not always felt that I had those kind of people on my side.

2. My creativity. I act, I write, I draw, I sing (relatively well). I like that I see the world through an artistic lens and that it is so intrinsic to my life. I may not be the best at these things (though I DO think I am a fucking great actor - and that’s taken a lot of time for me to accept and claim), but I try and I like making other people feel something through art. I think art and storytelling is what makes life worth living, next to love of all kinds.

3. My passion. It’s taken me YEARS to be okay with this part of myself, because too many people have made me feel like its cringey and immature and gross to be so involved and full of love and passion for things, but it’s NOT. It means I love big, I care big, I FEEL big. I don’t want to be an “adult”, I don’t want to wander through life numb, I am here for a short time and I’m gonna fucking enjoy it! I will ramble on and on about the things I love and the things that touch me! I will passionately discuss other people and their work and their art so they can know passion, too.

4. I like that I’m brave. I have been riddled with anxiety since puberty swung and hit a home run, so being brave is hard, but I try to do it anyway. I get the courage to talk to people even when I am terrified of being rejected, I get the courage to open my heart even though I am constantly getting hurt, I get the courage to look into the void and jump when it comes to acting and being vulnerable and honing my craft. I post my work online even though I am so worried that it sucks ass (though part of this is that constant need for validation lmao). I think that’s pretty cool.

5. My softness, both physically and emotionally/mentally. I was a depressed anxious chubby teenager who desperately wanted to be an actor and was surrounded by TV shows and Movies where 96% of the women were stick thin and had no shape, and the fat women were mothers or villains. No one looked like me – did I mention their skin was flawless, and freckles were a flaw? My only win was that I was white, too. Now, I love my curves (though I would like them to be more compact. I want to be fit, but not skinny by ANY means), I love my body shape (and my freckles). Mentally/emotionally, I have always been soft, too (surrounded by a hard, brick wall shaped shell). I have this distinct memory of a man I dated for 5 years telling me a couple months into our “relationship” that I was softer than he expected – and he didn’t mean it as a compliment. A lot of people think being soft is a weakness, but I don’t agree. I embrace that I am soft and warm and fluffy – you just have to get past my defenses cause I have a lot of them from an abusive childhood and terrible romantic/platonic relationships.

Whoa that got way long! I am, if anything, very wordy and long winded lmaooooo

Thank you for sending this!

[littleogreboii]

MIRACULOUS DAZE: 2

BRIDGETTE’S THEORY OF HAPPINESS

Summary:  Felix Agreste has been a shut in since the death of his best friend Bridgette Cheng and the disappearance of his brother Adrien Agreste. His only company is the AI, Ladybug, that downloaded itself onto his computer a year ago. However, there might be more to it than meets the eye, and his foster siblings, Nathaniel, Lila and Rose, might know more than him about the events that are happening. And what the ‘Heat Haze’ is. (Kagerou Project AU)

Chapter Summary: “Hey guys look over here!” She called them over. They all quickly swarmed. She stood proud with her hair tied in two pigtails. The red ribbon she had used shone. “Now, where like a secret brigade or something!” The trio stared in awe. “Like the Miraculous Team or something?”

The three of them laughed at that with Lila speaking up. “That’s so cringey.”

Bridgette flushed. “What? I thought it was cool!” She defended. “Like we were superheroes or something.”

Warning: Suicide, Bullying and Major Character Death

Particular Cover I like for this

English Lyrics: Jubyphonic

AO3

1 2 

Again those years run on by

My mind filling up with only family

"Ayano now’s your big sister everyone"

"so try to get along with her for me please"

Bridgette thought back to the time where everything went wrong and it seemed every sign pointed towards Felix’s family. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to regret being so mesmerised by them. They were so different to her own family and she was intrigued.

There was Felix. He was so quiet and withdrawn, but she couldn’t mistake the serenity on his face when he found a good book or created a good design. He tried to push her away constantly, yet she could see the walls he made desperate to crumble. He didn’t know how to let someone in and she wanted to be the first. She wanted to see all the expressions he was capable of. She could almost picture them, but to see the real deal was a dream. There was a glimpse she’d seen once. He’d been trying to get a book down in the library and managed to bring the whole row of books down. His flustered expression as he’d glanced about to see if anyone had seen his blunder was frankly adorable. She knew she loved him. She never thought she’d like such a sarcastic, introverted person, but now, she couldn’t imagine life not sitting beside him in class. Then, there were the supposed study sessions they did after school at his house, which mainly consisted of him reading and her interacting with his family. Although, initially it consisted of her watching him while pretending to study.

Adrien was usually around, but due to his health, he tended to retreat to his room in the evening. She suspected he spent most of his energy during his tutoring, especially trying to impress Marinette. She found it funny watching Adrien and Marinette interact. Adrien would throw out joke after joke, which she personally found hilarious, and Marinette would pretend not to like them. However, she knew Marinette was into him. She once hoped they’d be able to go on double dates together.

She still remembered when she was first introduced to Adrien and Felix’s younger siblings. Mr Agreste had recently adopted them, which confused her but she wasn’t going to complain. As even if Mr Agreste rarely ever spent time with them, she knew they’d be loved. Adrien had an endless supply of love and Felix would grow protective of them like he did with Adrien.

However, she also wanted to do her bit for the trio and she nearly cried when Felix introduced her to them. “This is Bridgette. I guess she’ll be like a big sister for you so do try and get along with her for me please.”

Little house of crimson brick, we all had fit inside of that place

To and fro they whispered back, making plans of their own so it seemed

Looking deep into their eyes, so red in all three and then I see

Hidden just beneath are memories grown ups never see

She didn’t quite understand when the treehouse appeared, but she suspected it had something to do with Adrien. He had a way with words when he wanted to and Gabriel, although distant, appeared to have some sort of soft spot for the boy. However, as she climbed up it, she began to realise Felix may have also had an influence on the design of the treehouse. It’s design was far too elegant for Adrien to have designed it alone because the boy had a habit of drawing a little black cat on anything he made.

When she reached the top though, she was alarmed to find the three of them sat close together and whispering. They were already far away from the house yet they huddled together like they would be caught doing something they shouldn’t. It was only her second time meeting them and the first had been so rushed, she hadn’t got a chance to take a proper look at them. So, while standing at the top of the ladder, she took a moment to just watch.

And it hit her. Red. Their eyes were a deep red.  Something had happened. Something the grownups can’t see. There was more to these three kids than met the eyes, and she wanted to find out what.

Terror in his face he said "I'm a monster deep inside" filled with fear

But they're wrong and so I said "That's not true at all, just look here"

"That red you hate so much, a hero wears it proud! No really"

"It's okay, no need to be afraid anymore"

When she first tried to get close to them, Nathaniel glared at me and stated. “I’m a monster deep inside.” It was meant to be threatening, a warning, but all she saw was the pain and fear which was consuming him. And she thought to herself ‘how could children think this way?’

She thought for a moment, before grinning. “That’s not true.” She grabbed a comic book which sat in the corner of the treehouse. “Just look here you see!” She pointed at Ironman who stood proudly on the front cover. “That red you hate, well he wears it proudly and he’s a superhero. So there’s no need to be so afraid, ok?”

Thinking of what'd be fun, or might be dumb,

I was a big sister and tried my best to

"Hey guys, look over here!" A crimson muffler I wrapped around me

"A secret brigade -er something"

Her days she spent staring at Felix were quickly changed into days of planning what to do with the three of them. She wanted to bring laughter back into their lives and the way to do that was with fun activities, or even dumb activities. She was determined to be the best big sister out there.

Lila was the easiest, or at least she thought she was. Truth be told, she wasn’t sure. Lila wasn’t exactly forthcoming on her opinions, but she looked happy and that was enough for Bridgette. She was sure if Lila truly hated it all, she would have said something already. Besides, she couldn’t let insecurities overtake her now, not when the children needed her.

Rose was easily overwhelmed and didn’t particularly like being out in public. Bridgette had heard from Nathaniel that Rose was bullied in school, but Lila would often stand up for her. However, Bridgette knew that there was more to it than that. Lila could stop the verbal and the physical bullying, but she couldn’t stop the thoughts the bullies had and that was all the bullies needed to hurt Rose. It was terrifying. Any thought Bridgette held could potentially be heard by Rose and she dreaded the day Rose heard someone she love think something negative about her.

Nathaniel was a challenge. He was similar to Felix in a way, yet he hadn’t been able to put up all his walls at this point. Bridgette would stop him before it happened. She wouldn’t let him close himself off from her. He was shy and sometimes, it was hard to notice him. He snuck up on her constantly, usually causing her to drop something or trip over. She hoped with time he’d open up to her because he was such a kind boy.

“Hey guys look over here!” She called them over. They all quickly swarmed. She stood proud with her hair tied in two pigtails. The red ribbon she had used shone. “Now, where like a secret brigade or something!” The trio stared in awe. “Like the Miraculous Team or something?”

The three of them laughed at that with Lila speaking up. “That’s so cringey.”

Bridgette flushed. “What? I thought it was cool!” She defended. “Like we were superheroes or something.”

“But who would be the supervillain?” Rose questioned.

“Felix.” Bridgette stated with zero hesitation.

“Really?” Nathaniel looked up with large eyes.

“Yes.” She nodded, crossing her arms. “We must go defeat him with love and affection.” And they all set off.

Dye it in madder of roses, so we can begin

Just because we play heroes, it doesn't mean nothing

"So maybe just a little we'll smile again"

And always be one big happy family

It became a regular occurrence. Bridgette would come round and they would play heroes. Although, Felix argued they were more villains than anything with all their pranks. He did nothing to stop them though, even going as far as to let them put fake cat ears on him. The cat ears of course being a courtesy of Adrien, who also enjoyed watching them, even going as far as to join in on days he felt well enough.

It was surprising, but Nathaniel’s leadership skills slowly began to come out. He was timid about it, but the elaborate plans he sometimes came up with were insane. Bridgette was impressed and every time he would carefully slide a plan other to her, she couldn’t help the praise that endlessly slipped from her lips. Sometimes the plans even had illustrations and it brought a smile to her face knowing Adrien was teaching him how to draw. She just hoped Nathaniel didn’t pick up Adrien’s habit of putting cat ears on everything.

Lila seemed to reveal herself as quite a wicked character. The worst pranks always came from her and ended up being the ones which would cause Felix to chase them around the garden. However, she was also the best at feigning innocence, easily passing the blame onto one of the others. Rose had reported to Bridgette that Lila virtually had the whole of the school in the palm of her hand. It made Bridgette proud to say the least.

Rose plans were the most innocent. They were usually something as simple as prank Adrien by filling his room with paper cranes or ambush Felix with hugs. That kindness was something Bridgette hoped Rose would keep with her for the rest of her life.

Bridgette never voiced it because she knew they wouldn’t take it seriously, but there was reason behind her actions. She longed to see them all turn to her with beaming grins for they were her family through and through. Even Gabriel seemed to be accepting of her role in the house and by that she meant he hadn’t said anything about it.

I hope they're happy and laughing at every new day

And if they just couldn't take it, they won’t run away

"Now listen close, hear this secret for you"

And so the sun sets on a day fun and new

Occasionally, Bridgette would sit and simply watch the others. It was blissful to see them all running around and playing together. She wanted this happiness to last forever and she prayed that she had helped even just a little. She wanted the happiness to swallow them to the point they can’t contain it yet she hoped it wouldn’t scare them away. It had already been scary enough when Rose ran away at one point. She’d been missing for two days before returning with no explanation. However, after the incident, Rose had seemed to relax and even though she would be gone some evenings, she seemed happier than ever. Bridgette had her suspicions of what had bloomed within Rose but she didn’t voice it. Rose would learn in due time.

Bridgette would lean over and pull all of them into a hug. “Now listen close, hear this secret for you.” And she would lower her voice before continuing. “I love you.” Felix would sometimes ask what had been said and they would simply grin. Each day would be brought to a close, brimming with happiness.

Blowing spring into the air, the adult world we knew was changing too

Something wrong I couldn't see, like a plan of their own so it seemed

Billow tears and fade away, the people that I love keep crying out

No one seems to notice but it's all dying into black

At one point, Bridgette found herself in Gabriel’s office. She’d been called into see him, much to her confusion. Yet when she’d entered, he was nowhere in sight. All that was left was several documents on his desk. On first inspection, it had appeared to be nothing more than papers about his students, Marinette and Adrien, but it wasn’t. The word ‘subject’ was littered throughout the document, and she took a moment to skim through it. The ‘Heat Haze’ was repeated a few times and the trio were even mentioned. Something had occurred to give the trio those red eyes and there was no way she was going to risk letting anymore suffering happen. She took a glance out the door, checking both ways, before beginning her search. What she found shocked her. There were papers detailing what happened to Lila, Nathaniel and Rose, and reading further, there was even a plan to achieve similar results with Adrien and Marinette. She had to stop it.

At a similar time, Marinette began being plagued by a nightmare. She never got the full details, but apparently, it was the same dream each time. Rose’s bullying had also gotten worse to the point that she was coming home each day in tears. Nathaniel became even more distant and Bridgette found herself constantly having to call out to him. Lila seemed to smile even more than before, seemingly oblivious to everything that was happening, but Bridgette had come to realise by this point that it was simply a mask Lila wore. Adrien’s health seemed to be getting worse and it was increasingly rare for him to play with them. Felix was rarely ever heard from, appearing to be constantly busy, yet to Bridgette it just appeared as though there was something on his mind.

All the adults seemed to be blissfully unaware of what was happening. They didn’t see their struggles and if the noticed, they passed it off as nothing more than the worries of a child. They refused to acknowledge their problems.

It's all gone wrong, but now I knew deep down

I couldn't tell a single soul how I felt

"God no, oh please don't destroy what I had found"

In came a world where our happiness died and flew out

She kept her thoughts to herself. She didn’t even tell Felix what she’d discovered. Shockingly, she even managed to keep it a secret from Rose. Everytime she went round their house now, she would have to force herself to focus on other things. She locked them up and hid the key out of reach.

Every night, she would beg the haze. “God no, oh please don’t destroy what I had found. Don’t take their smiles away. They still have so much left to live. They deserve so much. Please, you can’t take it away from them. I’m begging you.” Yet, the happiness continued to stay hidden.

Oh madder red no, I beg you, can take no more

Why can't you stop breaking futures so there'll be tomorrow?

The tears never stop falling the answer is clear

Hiding behind smiles from ear to ear

So, she made a plan while she maintained her play pretend. She continued to play with the trio, putting her heart and soul into it. She pretended that nothing was wrong and made her smile as large as possible. If the others wouldn’t smile, she would smile enough for them. In the meantime, she continued begging the red that plagued them. Each day, she would hope tomorrow would finally come and their happiness would return. Each day though, she found herself continuing to fake that smile.

If they were my eyes, such red eyes, I wonder could I

be their one and only hero who saves their future?

I'm clumsy awkward and shameful no less

But on this mission, I must go alone...

Finally, her plan was complete and all that was left was to put it in motion. This time she would be the hero. She was probably the worst fit for the mission. She wasn’t smart like Felix. She wasn’t elegant like Adrien. She wasn’t confident like Lila. And, she certainly wasn’t the right fit to go up against someone as powerful as Gabriel. Yet, she was the only one who could. She couldn’t push this mission onto anyone else, she wouldn’t forgive herself for doing so.

She left no note and told no one. She simply went into school in the evening after visiting the Agreste’s. They wouldn’t notice at the moment. They were all too stressed about Adrien, who had collapsed earlier. She snuck up to the roof and looked across the city.

And she lept.

Now I'm gone and wonder what the brigade is doing now and hope again

They're smiling all the time and they're getting along with each other

They probably hate me now or maybe just hurt

I wonder, have I become for them their big sister by now?

She lingers in the haze, unable to leave. Her thoughts linger on the Agreste’s. She tries to picture them with smiling faces. She hopes Lila isn’t teasing Nathaniel and Rose too much, and Nathaniel isn’t retreating too much into his shell, and Rose has been able to stand up to her bullies. She doesn’t want to think about how they feel about her now, yet it nags at her. They probably hate her. She hurt them, even if she did it to save them. She wonders if she’s finally of the title of big sister. She wishes she could ask them.

Will you remember the word I loved with every bit inside me?

That "happiness" ah how strange it is, the feeling

And as tomorrow breaks, I hope you love it too

Their safety fills her will all the happiness she needs and she hopes that with each passing day they will also grow to love happiness.