#It looks better like this I say with varying degrees of annoyance

[housederiva]

Not pictured: Lace Harding flexing her hands above a rock and yelling 'fly' with varying degrees of annoyance (the rock isn't moving)

[xomakara]

Tides of Rivalry

(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)

SUMMARY | You and Hongjoong have a rivalry to be the best captain of the High Seas. You constantly bicker with each other but you both hold high respect for each other. You both get stranded on an island and then feelings ensue.

PAIRING | Hongjoong/Reader

GENRE | piratecaptain!Hongjoong, piratecaptain!Reader, smut with no (maybe a little) plot, unprotected sex (wrap it up everyone!), vaginal sex

RATING | Mature, 18+, MDNI

LENGTH | 5076 words

TAGLIST | --

NETWORKS | --

AUTHOR’S NOTE | Here's Pirate Captain Hongjoong! My ending could be better hahaha. But I hope you enjoy nevertheless.

“I’m going to kill you, Kim Hongjoong.” You muttered.

“Assuming we get out alive.” Hongjoong teased.

You and Hongjoong stood back to back, arms bound and tied together, standing on a plank about thirty feet above the ground, hanging over the side of a ship. With a huff of annoyance, you tried to kick his back leg.

“Ow! Watch it.” Hongjoong said, wincing at your kick. “We don’t want to fall overboard now do we?”

“It's your goddamn fault we’re in this mess.” You exclaimed. “Whose wonderful idea was it to play cards and then lose? Now look where we are.”

“It wasn’t my idea to bet everything I had on that cursed card game either. It’s all because of you and your shitty luck.” Hongjoong sighed.

You narrowed your eyes, struggling to look at his face. “My luck is better than your shitty, shitty luck.” You challenged, butting the back of his head with yours.

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, sweetheart.” He teased.

“Oi oi oi! Cut that out or I will cut you.” You threatened.

“How can you when we’re both tied up?” Hongjoong laughed. “Hey at least I’ll die with a beautiful woman.”

“Ha ha. Funny joke.” You managed to mumble through laughter. “At least you have a pretty face to die with.”

How you and Hongjoong ended up walking the plank together was beyond ridiculous. They say it happens when two people come together under unusual circumstances. You were playing cards with Hongjoong and some other pirate captains when one captain (Hongjoong) got too cocky and lost his entire fortune to you. But as fate was cruel, you also lost all your money to another captain who seemingly hated yours and Hongjoong’s guts.

You don’t know how it happened. You’re drinking and playing cards with the other captains, bickering with Hongjoong and all of a sudden you’re tied up alongside him, standing on a piece of wood, staring down thirty feet below.

“You and your shitty luck.” You groaned.

“You lost too, sweetheart.” He reminded you.

“Yeah, well so did you!” You retorted.

“And now we’re both stuck here because of our bad luck.” He shrugged. “Life’s a bitch.”

“I can’t believe I might fall to my death with fucking sharks swimming down there with you!” You exclaimed, letting out a groan.

“Awh sweetheart, it’s okay to admit that you like me.” Hongjoong chuckled.

“Oh fuck off.” You mumbled.

“If we were on land, I’d definitely go fuck off. You can join me.” Hongjoong laughed.

“No way.” You snapped.

“Come on. Let’s just admit that we’re attracted to each other.” Hongjoong encouraged.

“What?! Are you crazy?! We are supposed to hate each other!” You yelled.

“Really? Because all those mean things you say to me are making me really think otherwise.” Hongjoong pointed out.

“You would probably try to seduce me if we weren’t on a bloody plank.” You said.

“And what makes you think I wouldn’t?” He asked, cocking his eyebrow.

The crew of the ship that held you and Hongjoong hostage watched your little exchange from afar, with varying degrees of shock, disgust, amusement and disbelief. After a while, they were even trying to figure out what to do with the two of you.

A crewman looked at his captain, gesturing towards you and Hongjoong, and he gave a shrug. “Is that normal, Captain? Most folks would be scared to fall to their death but those two… I swear they almost seem excited.”

His captain shook his head. “Those two are always like that. Rival captains with friendly banter between them. Even after all these years, it’s not going to change anytime soon. I guess they both can’t resist teasing each other no matter what kind of situation they’re in.”

You and Hongjoong didn’t stop talking. Your antics were getting increasingly childish and immature but at least you were distracting yourself from thinking about falling off the ship to your certain death. In fact, every time one of the sailors glanced at the two of you, you'd both yell out ‘The hell you looking at!?’ and scare the shit out of them. The reactions of the crewmen were priceless. They shuddered, took a step backwards and then hurriedly returned to whatever they were doing.

“How sad is it that two pirate captains are stuck in this predicament?” You sighed.

“But hey, at least it’s better than being stuck alone right? At least we have each other.” Hongjoong smiled.

You rolled your eyes. “I would rather have another captain than you.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of pretty ladies who would love to relieve themselves with me, but none of them can compare to you.” Hongjoong jokes. “You’re the only female captain I would die for.”

“That's what you say." You snorted. "Until the next girl comes along and you forget all about me."

"There's no other girl that is a pirate captain. So you'll always be special to me." He argued.

“Nope. Not happening. I’ve had enough flirting for today.” You scoffed. You started to yell, hoping that the captain of this ship would hear you. "Yah! Chan-ah! Are you seriously gonna make Hongjoong and I stand here all day?!"

"What did we do to deserve this, kid?!" Hongjoong yelled out.

Chan, the captain of this ship, rolled his eyes. "Yah, I'm older than you!"

"By a fucking year!" Hongjoong shouted.

"Can't you guys shut up already?" Chan sighed. "If I agree to untie you, will you two shut up?"

"No guarantee!" You yelled back.

"Okay. If you won't shut up, then I'll just have one of my guys push you into the water. Then maybe you'll both shut up." Chan warned.

“Go ahead! Push us into the water! That will teach us both a lesson.” You swore, fighting hard against your bonds. “Do it! Fucking push us both into the ocean.”

“Oooh, scary!” Hongjoong laughed. “So dramatic. Chan, you know Y/N and I don't die easily."

“Then let’s prove it. What do you say, boys? Do you wanna give it a shot?” Chan asked his men.

The men on board raised their weapons. “Ready when you are, sir!”

"Push 'em." Chan ordered. Without any hesitation, one of Chan's men shoved the two of you off the plank, pushing you both over the edge.

"God fucking dammit!" You heard Hongjoon scream.

Your stomach dropped out when you felt your body falling. You closed your eyes tightly, holding your breath as you fell.

"Noooo!" You screamed. "Nooo! God damn it!"

Suddenly you heard a loud splash, followed by cheering. Everyone on board started to laugh and applaud. You couldn't believe what just happened. You and Hongjoong, still tied together, were kicking your feet in the water, fighting desperately to stay afloat. You opened your eyes just in time to see Chan grinning at you, clapping his hands and yelling "Perfect! That's what I wanted!"

"Fuck you!" You yelled as you and Hongjoong watched the ship sail away, leaving you both to fight for survival.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Calm down, Y/N." Hongjoong watched as you burst into anger. "The beach didn't do anything to you."

You and Hongjoong managed to swim to a deserted island nearby despite being tied together. It took a bit of teamwork, lots of yelling and splashing water around but somehow you made it there. As you both landed on shore, Hongjoong managed to find a sharp enough rock to cut your ropes loose. With your wrists free, you immediately stood up on shaky legs and let out a scream.

You continued to scream until you angerly plopped on the ground. You punched the dirt with your fist. You stared angrily at the ocean, cursing everything under the sun.

"I hate the whole world right now." You muttered, voice hoarse from screaming.

Hongjoong sat next to you, giving you a concerned look. "Are you alright?"

"I hate all pirates. And the sea. And the air. And nature. And life. I hate it all." You huffed.

"Stop being dramatic." Hongjoong mumbled. "We should probably find some shelter before it gets dark. There are usually a few caves around here."

"Fine. But you're building the fire. I'm tired of life." You grumbled.

Hongjoong chuckled. "I'll take care of it. You can rest."

You sighed in relief, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. You scanned the horizon, watching the setting sun dip into the ocean. "Let's go find some cave." You said.

"Alright." Hongjoong agreed.

Both of you picked up the pace, running towards the nearest mountains in hopes of finding a cave. Luckily you found a nice sized cave hidden among the rocks, big enough to accommodate the both of you. As soon as you entered the cave, you crawled inside first, laying down on the floor and covering your face with your hands.

"Thank god." You whispered to yourself.

"I think I'll sleep outside tonight." Hongjoong suggested.

"Get in here, Hongjoong." You rolled your eyes. "It's cold outside. Don't be such a baby. I don't need Seonghwa and the rest of your crew jumping down my throat for letting you sleep out there."

"Fine." He conceded as he entered the cave. "I know a better way to stay warm."

"I will punch you if you suggest sleeping together." You threatened.

"I can take you." He joked.

"You must have a death wish." You laughed.

"It's either you or the sharks out there." Hongjoong shrugged as he gathered the items to create the fire. "Now get out of those wet clothes so you don't get sick. Don't want your crew to worry about you."

You sighed. "Why do you always have to be so responsible?"

"Hey, we might be pirates, but I care about all my crew members." He defended himself. "It's the least I could do for people I consider family. You and I might be rival captains but I care about you as well. We started this journey, this rivalry since we left our little village all those years ago. We may fight each other but deep down, we're still friends. You know how I feel about you."

"Yeah, you're right." You admitted. "Sometimes I get caught up in the fighting. Sometimes I forget that we're also good friends because we're also rivals. Yeah, sometimes I need a reminder."

As the fire warmed the cave, you stared at the burning flames, slowly making your way towards sleep. You still shivered because your back was exposed to the cold night air.

Hongjoong noticed your discomfort and opened his arms. "Y/N, come here."

"Hmmph." You refused before slowly inching your way towards him. "Fine. Just this one time."

"Good girl." Hongjoong smiled. "Come here."

Hongjoong wrapped you in his arms and you couldn't help but let out a sigh when your back was finally covered by the warmth of his chest. "Feels better, doesn't it?" He teased.

You let out a small nod, burrowing deeper into his embrace.

"You know, I enjoy our rivalry and bickering but sometimes I miss the days where we would talk about random things like the weather and ask each other about our families." He continued. "We used to do that back home. Back when we were kids."

"Yeah... I miss that too..." You admitted.

"Those days were good." He said softly. "Being together and talking about nonsense, playing with animals... It made us happy. Not that I'm happy now. I love being with my crew but..."

He paused, hesitating to continue. "You know... A part of me wishes we could turn back time. Go back to those times where it was just you and me. Those simple days when we would run through fields chasing butterflies."

"Me too...We're different people now. We're captains of our own crew and ships. We have people that depend on us and the feeling of responsibility weighs heavily on our shoulders." You turn your head to look at him, his eyes soft. "Sometimes I envy you. You're not burdened with anything. Everything you touch turns to gold. The sun rises for you, the moon follows behind. All of your dreams become reality."

"Even though I have shitty, shitty luck?" He laughed lightly.

"You have everything. I mean, you have me and your crew. You've built a legacy and reputation and everything else. You're the better pirate captain between us. I wish I could be half as successful as you are. I wish I could live as peacefully as you do. As far as I know, you haven't lost a single battle. No matter how many ships you take from others, they still admire you."

"Hey, you're a good captain too." He reassured. "Don't compare yourself to me. You've achieved much more than I ever did."

You shrugged. "You're only saying that to make me feel better."

He shook his head. "You're the one who started comparing ourselves to each other in the first place."

You blushed. "You never stop surprising me, you know that? Every time I think I know you well, you throw something new at me."

"Well, it's kind of true." He admitted. "Whenever you see someone you consider your rival succeed, it makes you want to strive even harder. Maybe that's why I do it. To inspire you. To make us better people."

You let out a small laugh, shifting closer to his warmth. "Have you ever thought about what we would be doing if we never became pirates? Where would we be right now?"

"Wherever we end up, we'd still be together. Wouldn't we?" Hongjoong assured. "Whatever happens, we'll be fine. Together, no matter what."

He pulled you close to him and you rested your head on his shoulder. You let out a sigh of contentment as you listened to the steady rhythm of his heart against your ear. You never realized how soothing it was to listen to his heartbeat until now. You curled up tighter in his embrace and tried to sleep, snuggling closer to him as his warm arm wrapped around your waist.

"Hongjoong?"

"Hmm?"

"Even if we had a crappy past few days...I wouldn't want to experience this moment with anyone else but you."

He gave you a sweet smile. "Same here."

And with that, the two of you drifted into slumber.

You and Hongjoong managed to survive the night without incident. In the morning, you woke up to the smell of food cooking and Hongjoong sitting cross legged in front of a small table, cooking something over the fire.

"Where'd you find the food?" You asked as you sat up.

"Fish." Hongjoong explained as he handed you a piece of cooked fish. "I was hungry so I went fishing while you slept."

"Mmmm...thought I would never see the day where Captain Hongjoong would be feeding me fish." You smirked as you chewed on the fish.

Hongjoong let out a laugh. "I can't let the precious Captain Y/N starve."

"So, are we gonna be stuck here for a while?" You asked.

"Probably." Hongjoong replied. "Seonghwa and the guys will probably find us. Your crew is probably on the search as well. They wouldn't give up looking for us."

"Well, it seems like we're going to be living in a cave for a while." You shrugged. "Maybe we should do some exploring of this island. See what we can find. How about we start searching later today?"

"Sounds good to me." Hongjoong agreed.

The two of you spent most of the day exploring the island, finding a lot of herbs, berries and edible plants. By noon, both of you decided to return to the cave.

You and Hongjoong both sat down in front of the fire, staring intently at the red hot embers. Hongjoong looked serious, examining every detail of the fire. He stirred the ashes occasionally, breaking them apart. When the ash cooled off, he added more wood, creating another round of flames. After a few minutes, the logs burnt completely.

"Are you okay?" You asked, sensing that something was bothering him.

"What do you mean?" He asked curiously.

"You seem really focused on the fire." You observed. "Is there something wrong?"

Hongjoong paused. "Just a bit." He answered honestly. "Can't quite put my finger on it."

"That's okay." You smiled. "If you need to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Thanks." He smiled back.

For a few moments, neither of you spoke. Both of you stared into the fire, reflecting on your memories. Some good, some bad. But they were memories nonetheless.

You couldn't remember how long you stared at the fire. All you knew was that it felt as if the world stopped moving. The fire provided the only light, preventing you from being able to tell time.

All of a sudden, you felt a warm hand resting on your thigh.

"What are you thinking about?" Hongjoong whispered, pulling you closer to him.

"Nothing." You lied.

"Lie." Hongjoong smirked. "I can tell you're lying."

"Okay, fine." You pouted. "I'm thinking about my life."

"I figured as much." Hongjoong chuckled. "Do you regret coming with me? Becoming a pirate? Everything we've been through?"

"Sometimes." You confessed. "But sometimes, I feel like I made the right decision. It's weird because usually, when I think of regrets, it's when I was younger. Whenever I thought of a future without you, it was hard for me to breathe. I guess now that I'm older, I've grown stronger and learned how to deal with life on my own."

"You don't need to prove yourself to me." Hongjoong assured. "I'm already proud of the person you've become. Even though we fight and argue, I'm glad that you chose to follow your dreams and work towards achieving them. Even though we're rivals, I'm proud of you. You're smart, beautiful, ambitious and driven. You're such a great person, Y/N."

You turned to face him. His gaze held so much warmth. It enveloped you and filled you with comfort. "Hongjoong?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you and I will have a future together?" You asked softly. "A future where we aren't always fighting on who has the best crew, the best ship, or who is the better pirate?"

"Why do you ask?" He asked.

"Because I want to spend my life with you." You let out a small laugh. "It just got me thinking that all these squabbles and random bickering might disappear one day. One day, we might just wake up one day and realize that we fell in love with each other and decided to spend the rest of our lives together."

"Y/N." Hongjoong murmured softly.

"What?" You questioned, turning to look at him.

His expression softened and he slowly brought his lips to meet yours. He didn't speak. Instead, he simply placed his hand gently on the side of your cheek and kissed you deeply.

When you finally came up for air, you stared into his eyes. A tiny flutter in your stomach told you that this wasn't the last time you'd be kissing him.

"I knew you liked me." Hongjoong smiled, cupping your chin in his hand.

"Shut up." You laughed lightly.

"Come on." Hongjoong grabbed your hand. "Let's go explore the rest of this island. There's gotta be something here worth our time."

The two of you began walking around the island again. But this time, it was more of an intimate walk, holding hands and sneaking kisses whenever you felt like it. You found it funny how quickly things changed between the two of you. Not that it was a bad thing. Hongjoong certainly didn't seem to mind either way.

After a few hours of exploration, the two of you returned to the cave. The sun was beginning to set and both of you decided to rest.

Hongjoong walked over to the fire pit and lit a fresh batch of embers, creating enough heat to keep you warm during the night. You walked over to sit next to him and he wrapped his arms around you. You settled in his embrace, feeling safe and comfortable.

Both of you stared at the burning embers, watching them dance around in the wind.

"You know," You said, causing Hongjoong to turn his attention away from the fire to look down at you. "I'm feeling rather cold here."

"Oh really?" Hongjoong teased. "What do you propose we should do, Captain Y/N?"

You smirked playfully. "Why don't you tell me, Captain Hongjoong."

"Well..." He trailed off.

"I'm waiting." You teased.

"How about I keep you warm tonight?" He offered.

You giggled. "Hmmmm....I think I like the sound of that."

"You won't regret it." Hongjoong grinned.

And with that, he wrapped his arms around you and lowered his lips to meet yours. The kiss was gentle and tender. He ran his fingers through your hair as he continued to kiss you. And before you knew it, you were lost in a passionate haze.

Your hands ran through his hair, fiddling with his soft strands. You pressed your body closer to his, letting your tongue slip into his mouth, tasting his breath.

Before long, the two of you were making out by the fire, losing track of everything except each other. Your legs intertwined with his, your arms entwined with his. Soon, you were straddling him, grinding your hips against his.

In his eagerness to make love to you, Hongjoong slid your shirt off of your shoulders, slipping it over your head and onto the ground. His hands explored your chest, his fingertips grazing across your hardened nipples. Your breathing became ragged as his touch grew more insistent. He sucked your breast into his mouth, making sure not to miss any part of it. You moaned loudly as his tongue circled around your sensitive nipple. You clutched at his hair, pulling him closer to you.

"Hongjoong..." You let out a sigh as you felt his hands gently caressing your sides. "Please..."

He continued playing with your breasts, taking his time and paying special attention to your nipples. He pinched them gently, sucking harder at your breasts. With his tongue still circling around your nipple, he used his teeth to gently bite down, sending chills throughout your entire body.

Your breathing increased. Every touch, every lick, every tug sent tingles throughout your body. You clung to him, desperately trying to control your trembling legs. Hongjoong broke away slightly, tugging his shirt off, before continuing to ravage your breasts. His tongue now plunged into your mouth, leaving a trail of wetness along your neck. You shivered as his warm breath washed over your skin. His hands gently massaged your back as his thumbs grazed down the middle of your spine. Your head fell back and you closed your eyes, letting out a soft moan.

Suddenly, you heard a soft whimper escape from your lips. "Hongjoong...please..."

It took a few minutes for him to remove the rest of his and your clothes, leaving you both naked. Neither of you bothered to hide anything anymore. You just wanted to feel each other. Your hands moved swiftly over his body, touching every inch you could reach.

Hongjoong's hands ran down your body, stopping at your waist. He pulled you down and began to passionately kiss you again. Your hands were buried deep within his hair, his strong hands firmly gripping your hips. His erection pressed into your stomach, forcing your breathing to become even heavier.

Before you knew it, you were sitting up, straddling him and slowly lowering yourself down onto him. He gasped, biting his lip as he felt your tight muscles squeeze around his hardness. You both moaned at the same time.

With your eyes locked onto his, you began riding him, using your hips to grind against his arousal. His hands rested on your hips, gently guiding you up and down. Your breaths became ragged, your heart rate increased rapidly. Every moment seemed to pass too quickly. You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck, whispering softly in his ear.

"Fuck...you feel amazing." Hongjoong murmured, running his hands up and down your back. "So tight and hot...can't believe you fit me so perfectly."

He kissed you roughly, pushing you back down onto him, moaning into your mouth as you slowly rode him. He gripped the back of your neck, deepening the kiss, plunging his tongue inside of your mouth. He rolled his hips, giving you more friction against him. As you rode him, Hongjoong peppered kisses down your neck, nibbling at your shoulder blades. The moans that escaped your lips caused him to smile.

He leaned back, looking down at you, watching you ride him. "Y/N..." He breathed. "Look at me."

Slowly, you looked up into his dark brown eyes. They had a mix of lust, desire and affection. Your hands moved from his neck, stroking his jawline, tilting his head slightly so that you could kiss him properly. Your tongue slipped into his mouth, mingling with his. His arms encircled your waist tightly, his fingers digging into your flesh as he bit down gently on your lower lip. You sighed softly as you rocked your hips faster against his arousal.

Hongjoong couldn't help but groan in pleasure. "You're driving me fucking crazy, Y/N." He whispered.

"Me too..." You whispered back, arching your back and meeting his thrusts with your own. Your breasts bounced with every thrust.

As the two of you fucked by the fire, the glittering stars above glittered in their perfection. Hongjoong kept you in his arms as you slowly sank down on him, moaning and groaning in pleasure. He licked his lips as he looked down at you, completely mesmerized by your beauty.

He never imagined falling in love with someone like you. Never thought that anyone would make him feel this way. This wasn't just a simple infatuation. It was something else entirely. Love. You made him feel complete. Complete happiness. Complete satisfaction. Complete trust. Complete adoration.

You laid your head on his shoulder, slowly rocking your hips back and forth. He hummed in pleasure, moving his hands up and down your back, grabbing your ass and lifting you slightly off of him. He let out a soft grunt as you impaled yourself on him once more.

"Don't stop...please..." You begged, raising your head and locking your gaze with his. "Just...don't stop."

He held himself inside of you, rocking gently against you. "I can't...let you go, Y/N." He whispered, panting heavily.

"Don't...please..." You begged. "Hongjoong...fuck..."

"I want to fuck you all night, Y/N." He panted. "All day, all week...all month, all year. I want to spend every second of my life with you. In the good times, in the bad times. The times when you smile, the times when you cry. You're all I want, all I need, Y/N. Do you understand? All I want is you. Forever."

"I love you." You whispered.

"Say it again." He demanded.

"I love you, Hongjoong." You repeated.

"Say it louder." He growled.

"I love you!" You shouted, closing your eyes and grinding your hips against him even faster.

"That's right." He murmured, tightening his grip on your hips. "Love me. Fuck me. Just like this."

His grip tightened on your hips as he pounded into you harder. The sound of your grunts filled the air. His face was flushed and beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. His entire body tensed up, as he prepared to release himself inside of you.

"Cum for me, love." He whispered. "Let me hear you cum for me."

"Hongjoong! Fuck!" You cried, burying your face in his shoulder as you screamed out in ecstasy.

As the climax built up within him, he pushed into you one last time, gasping and grunting as he released his seed inside of you. He moaned in bliss as he came hard inside of you.

You sat up in his embrace, kissing him lightly on the lips. Both of you caught your breath, before he chuckled lightly.

"The High Seas can wait another night." He smiled.

"But what about the fact that the sun will rise soon?" You laughed.

"It'll give us plenty of time to make love again." He winked.

"Captain Hongjoong." You purred, before pressing your lips to his again. “You know how to spoil a woman.”

The next morning, you and Hongjoong were strolling along the beach when you heard screaming. You and Hongjoong turned to look at the person, eyes widening in surprise and relief.

"Captain!"

"Captain Y/N!"

You and Hongjoong rushed towards your crews, Hongjoong getting engulfed by his men and you in yours. They all had big smiles on their faces.

"Captain Y/N!" One of your crewmembers exclaimed, throwing his arms around you. "I'm so happy you're still alive! We've been worried sick!"

"Are you guys alright?" You asked, gently patting one of your men on the shoulder.

"Yeah, we're fine. Got some nasty cuts and bruises though." A man replied.

"But..."

"But?" You looked at them.

"The ship...she's wrecked." Another crewmember spoke up. "Everything's gone."

You opened your mouth to speak, but found that no words would come out. Hongjoong placed a gentle hand on your arm, squeezing it reassuringly.

"You and your crew always have a place with us. You're family now." He smiled. "We can find you a new ship to sail on, if you'd like."

"What if I wanted to stay with you forever?" You asked, unable to contain your grin. "Be your co-captain?"

"Of course, Y/N." He grinned back, turning to look at your crew. "You all are welcome to join my crew or leave. You won't be punished either way."

"We'll go wherever our captain goes!" The crew member who had spoken first declared proudly.

"Great." Hongjoong said happily as he pulled you close to him. He kissed your forehead. "Then let's set sail for a new adventure together."

[oh-yes-i-did-not]

Today is the day for people not to forget that vegetarianism exists. Maybe they’re not as “morally pure” as you want them to be, only shunning meat as is, or varying degrees of animal products including or excluding milk, eggs, even fish to some, depending on what your meat avoidance is (red meat, mammals, etc), but vegetarians are still a thing and they’re here. And it’s still a very viable option for people who want to be more aware, but don’t want to throw everything they already have away for containing a small amount of milk or fish product. Like most sauces you might find in your cabinet. Fish sauce is an ingredient in a lot of Asian cuisine sauces, just fyi.

And fuck those people who go “vegan or nothing!” They’re the exact same people who go “NO PAIN NO GAIN” on you on gym, when you can’t perform to perfection. They’re impossible, they expect impossible, they don’t exist in real life and thus they lack empathy, and they lack any awareness of you as a person, living in a situation.

If you want to lessen your consumption of meat or animal products without going scorched earth on them, you can do so. And it’s okay, too. One less piece of any meat consumed is better than none. It doesn’t matter if you can’t keep up with it or lapse once in a while. You as a singular consumer don’t matter quite that much as to bring down a movement with one or two mistakes. That’s actually a lie compounded on by THE industry, trying to shift the blame away from them and it’s not quite as black and white. But if it lessens your guilt then YES, you are not responsible for industries and your lone consumption will not change anything. You just need more people on your side.

...which is where vegeterianism and not being so fucking stubborn hardline comes in. Vegans I’ve seen have done nothing to encourage doing less with meat. They just say YOU NEED TO, NOW. And sharing recipes with fellow vegans, going “oooh, aaah” don’t count.

IN fact, I don’t care who the person who got their vegan lox recipe with carrots and salt shared on a national media is, or if they deserve even more accolades than they got, I’m just saying that anyone who spray painted “go vegan!” on a side of a building did less. They did something alright, some markings on a stuff. Which mostly annoys people in general. And then they think that annoyance or emotional reaction from non-vegans means anything (oooh they feeling guilty oooooh feeling so bad oooooh) and that they did something huge.

IN FACT, anyone just quietly sharing vegan recipes that look and taste good, and maybe even ways to do traditionally meat things as vegan, have done more to their cause than any-single-motherfucker who has ever spray painted shit, or yelled about their cause online, gotten angry at strangers online for their cause, or tried to gatekeep people like vegetarians or less meat people from their cause.

...just saying o.O

[rutadales]

I want to hear abt what superpowers everyone has so bad I loove superhero aus

YIPPEE I LOVE SUPERHEROES SO MUCH

Info abt everyone's powers under the cut hehehe I am having so much fun

SO FIRST UP DREAM TEAM!! WAHOO

Dream is a psychic with the ability to travel into someone's mind, essentially creating a pocket dimension. This lets him read their thoughts, see their memories, and teleport anywhere in their field of vision. This also translates to him being empathetic. He mostly uses his powers to keep himself mobile, and is actually pretty hesitant to dig around in someone's head after an incident with Tommy a few years ago that left a bad taste in everyone's mouth.

Sapnap has physical powers that let him heat his body up at will and manipulate fire. As long as he's in an oxygen rich environment, he can set the air around him on fire. He can't cool his body down, however, and he can't put fires out- just move them around. He's pretty hotheaded (ha) and tends to rush into things guns blazing (extra ha).

George is another psychic who can put people to sleep, manipulate their dreams (to an extent, he can control the mood of them), and make those dreams a reality. So if someone's dreaming about the stay puff marshmallow man, he can make the stay puff marshmallow man terrorize the city block or if they're dreaming about a gun, he can use that gun and so on. Anything construct he creates does disappear when the person wakes up. Almost everyone gets him and Dream's powers confused with each other, to both of their annoyance (Sapnap does it on purpose).

NEXT TEAM WHOO!

Punz is a psychic with the ability to conjure any object he's seen before, so he usually uses it to make weapons and he's big into knifes. I don't have much more to say about his powers so a little backstory, he split off from Dream when they were all 18-19 years old after Punz's entire hometown was wiped off the map, killing his family. (This is a superhero au so everyone gets tragic superhero backstories god damn it)

Foolish is basically a waterbender on steroids, he can control any liquid and also 'sense' it. He can feel the water in sewers or in people, which does let him do some recon, with varying degrees of success, of course. The more viscous a liquid is, the harder it is for him to control and he can't change it's temperature, so if it's ice he's out of luck. And though he can feel the water in humans, he can't move someone around like a meat puppet. If they're bleeding he can use that blood, though. Along with this he can also breathe underwater.

Tina!!! Along with being a cat (having faster reflexes, better balance, and retractable claws) she can make anything she draws 3D. She's not psychic though, since she is manipulating the physical world. She uses mostly chalk and spray paint because those are the easiest to use on the go, and anything she creates retains the look of the materials used to create it. It also stays the size she painted it. Her art isn't alive, however, so she can't create a doodle bob (much to the chagrin of Foolish).

AND THATS EVERYONE I HAVE SO FAR!! I have plans for Tommy, Wilbur, and Tubbo who are all part of a team/agency that Wilbur founded. There were more people but a lot left after the incident that happened between them and Dream. (Unfortunately I am a C!dream stan through and through even in AUs so lmanberg gang was mostly in the wrong during that 😔✊) The syndicate is another hero team but they operate in another city so we won't see them much. Though rivals are still very much close friends who I have Plans™️ for

OH ALSO I need to draw them but Karl and Quackity are both psychics who work under the same agency as dteam with different teams as needed. Karl can move himself forward and backwards in time by a few seconds to a minute (he can push it more but the further he gets from the present the harder it is to get back. At one point he did get lost in the past until Dream was able to rescue him, which resulted in Karl forgetting a lot of really important things in his personal life). Quackity can control his own luck, so things tend to just sort of go right for him. It's not infallible, of course, but the really bad shit tends to happen to everyone else (operative word there being tends).

[echoghost1]

What's In A Name

okay, this took me longer than I expected... but here is the fic based on this post

Title: What's In A Name

Summary: Danny thought that having a sub in class would make things easier. Unfortunately, this leads to everyone finding out that his first name isn't Daniel.

His class isn't taking the news very well.

word count: 1670

you can read it on AO3 or down below the cut!

Oh, and I guess I'll tag the people from that post: @spookberry @shinygoldstar

Danny had just gotten to school and was getting his supplies for first period when Tucker ran up with way more excitement for this early in the morning.

“Dude, you’re never going to believe it!”

“Believe what?” Danny asked with an amused grin.

“Lancer took a sick day since the first time in forever!”

Danny felt like he was missing something.

Tucker rolled his eyes when Danny didn’t react correctly, “Subs, man. We have subs.”

“In all of his classes?” Danny asked as the news finally sunk in.

“Yup.” Tucker said with confidence as he popped the ‘p’.

“I have so many classes with him.”

“I know dude, me too!” He wrapped his arm around Danny’s shoulder, “Which means that today is going to be a breeze.”

Danny smiled and couldn’t help getting excited about a nice easy day at school.

================================================

His first class was easy.

The sub seemed just as tired as they were and simply checked that they were in their assigned seats and handed out a worksheet for them to do.

Once the teacher made it clear that they didn’t care if they worked together or not, it turned into more of a hang-out session than actually getting much work done.

================================================

His second period was science which he didn’t have with Mr. Lancer so he actually had to pay attention.

It was a lab day and he was still banned for life from handling all fragile school property, so the lab they had was a bit difficult until the teacher remembered (was reminded) and let him team up with Mikey.

All he had to do was take notes on what was happening. Which was fine. He could do that no problem.

All Mikey asked was for his handwriting to be legible.

================================================

It was his third class that ruined everything. It had all been going so well until then.

The teacher had decided to ignore the seating chart list and did roll by reading off the class roster list on the computer. Which in theory would be fine, except that the computer list didn’t have the notes that Mr. Lancer had added over the year, things like nicknames for instance.

It would have been fine if she had called him Daniel. It would have reminded him of Vlad, which would have been annoying, but manageable.

Unfortunately his first name isn’t Daniel.

“Johnathan?”

Everyone perked up at the name. They looked around, confusion evident on all of their faces. There was no Johnathan in this class. No John or Johnny’s. Was this a secret classmate? It couldn’t be, all the seats were full and no one here was Johnathan.

The teacher sighed and tried again, “Johnathan Fenton?”

Danny perked up and raised his hand, “Here. Sorry. I just um, everyone calls me Danny. Or Daniel, or just Fenton.” he realized he had been rambling and apologized again.

He looked down at his desk still embarrassed that he sort of forgot his own first name for a second. Then he felt like he was being watched.

He looked up and realized everyone, but Tucker, who was too busy chuckling to himself, was staring at him with varying degrees of confusion and anger. Sam included.

The class said nothing. Only stared for the remainder of the roll call.

Once the teacher was finished, and before they could truly start class, Dash was the first to break the silent tension. “Your name is Johnathan?!”

“Yes?” Danny answered hesitantly as he leaned away from the angry jock. Normally Dash wasn’t much of a threat anymore after all the ghost hunting, but he couldn’t exactly use his powers in the middle of class.

“Since when?!”

“Birth?”

“No!” Dash countered.

“Look, I’m named after my dad and it’s too confusing if we both go by the same name, so we just use my middle name instead.”

“But your dad’s name is Jack.”

“Which is short for Johnathan,” Danny explained with a sigh.

Dash sputtered in confused annoyance. Apparently, he didn’t know that either.

Before he could get too angry about his lack of knowledge, the teacher made it clear that they were going to start class now.

Dash glared at Danny and pointed an accusatory finger at him, “I don’t believe you, Fenton.”

“Okay?” Danny shrugged it off and the rest of the class went back to ignoring him.

Except for Sam.

She was still glaring at him.

“What?” Danny mouthed not a hundred percent sure as to what his gothic friend was upset about.

She flipped open her notebook hard enough for the paper cover to slap against the desk and furiously scribbled something down before tearing out the page and quickly folding it like a ninja star and chucking it at his head.

He carefully unfolded the note and read it.

“Are you serious?! Is this some elaborate prank?”

Danny looked up to Sam in surprise and then back to the note.

“No really. That is my name.” he wrote before trying his best to fold the note back up as she had it. He really wasn’t as good at it as she was.

She wrote her response quickly and made a point to get the creases of the folds just right. “Then why is Tucker laughing?”

“I don’t know? I’m not a mind reader Sam.”

“Did he know?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He didn’t really understand why she was so upset by this. It didn’t really matter. Did it? “I wasn’t keeping it a secret. I just forgot.”

“Forgot what? That it was your name or that I didn’t know?”

He hesitated too long and Tucker finally snatched the note from him and read it over before snickering to himself and added his own two cents before tossing it back to Sam.

Finally, Sam smiled. With a roll of her eyes, she slipped the note into the pocket of her notebook and went to doodling like nothing was wrong.

Danny wasn’t really sure what that was all about, but he was glad it was over.

================================================

The rest of the day was mostly fine. His friends teased him about his full name occasionally throughout the day, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle.

Dash kept giving him the stink eye, which was weird, but better than being shoved into his own locker.

Lunch was a bit of a disaster once Tucker let out his inner bookie and started holding bets on what Danny’s real name was.

There were three options.

One was that his name was really Daniel and he was just pranking everyone somehow.

The second was that his name really was Johnathan and he was telling the truth because Fenton can’t tell a lie to save his life.

While the third was that he had a completely different name and may or may not be related to the Fenton’s at all.

Danny wasn’t sure if he should be finding all of this hilarious or just plain annoying. Maybe it was one of those, ‘we’ll laugh about it when we’re older’ things?

Of course, word spread fast and everyone was trying to figure out what the real answer was. No one was asking Danny, because they weren’t sure if he actually was a reliable source. Tucker refused to give the answer until the end of the day when he would reveal the winners. And Sam admitted that all of the name nonsense was news to her, but since she loved chaos, she would wink and add, “But it could be true.”

Danny realized too late that the only other person to ask before the end of the day was his sister.

Before he could get to her, someone else beat him to it.

Dash had cornered her just outside of the library and asked, “What’s your brother’s name,” without any preamble.

Of course, Jazz, being two years older than them and in none of their classes, had no idea what had been going on. So she answered the question as best she could despite the confusion, “Danny?”

“Ha! I knew he was a liar!” Dash boasted as he turned around and punched his fist into his open palm as he eyed Danny.

“Wait!” He called out to Dash before turning his attention to his sister, “He means my first name!”

“Oh,” she turned to Dash, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

Dash’s shoulders slumped in defeat, “his name isn’t Danny?”

“His middle name is, but not his first name.” she turned back to Danny, “Didn’t you explain it?”

“Of course I did! He just didn’t believe me! And now the whole school is losing their minds because they think this is some crazy prank or that I’m a liar or something.”

Danny sighed and composed himself before giving the warning as he had meant to, “Tucker is taking bets on what my name is so other people might ask you about it too.”

Jazz hummed thoughtfully to herself while nodding, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You are going to tell them the truth right?”

“Of course,” she said but she still had that far-off look in her eye.

Danny figured he would probably regret asking, but he was just too curious, “what are you thinking about?”

“This is very interesting from a psychological perspective, don’t you think?”

“How?”

“Well by learning that what they assumed to be true, wasn’t, it has shifted their perspective on things.”

“Do you really think it’s that deep?”

“What do you think it is then?” she asked, not annoyed that her theory was being questioned, just curious.

“I think people just like drama.”

“Perhaps.” she said as she watched a dejected Dash walk away, “and maybe it’s a bit of both.”

“Whatever it is I hope it goes away tomorrow.” he walked away and wondered if this was a preview as to what would happen if his secret got out.

He stopped in his tracks with a sigh. No, if they found out he was really Danny Phantom it would be worse. So much worse.

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

[loser-hub]

Demon Slayer general relationship headcannons. Warning: Mild warnings here and there but nothing serious. All characters are 18+ inherently!

Tanjiro.

Mainly, dating Tanjy is a two-in-one kind of deal.

Being around him so much also means you're around Nezuko and if she doesn't like you, well, it's not going to work.

Good for you she immediately takes a liking to you and I mean immediately and by liking I mean love.

She pops out of her box when he attempts to introduce you two and she's smitten immediately. Loves to sit in your lap and hug you, it happens every moment possible. Its a lap stack. You on Tanjiro's lap and Nezuko on yours. Its adorable and makes them happy they can keep you warm and make sure you're protected!

On yeah, about that, its scary how protective they are of you. Even if you are a Demon Slayer too and are more than capable of protecting yourself, its how they express their love for you! They want to be with you so they'll do whatever they can to ensure your safety!

Tanjiro is a very patient person, almost too patient, but if someone tests him he's terrifying. He's the textbook definition of be wary the wrath of a patient man.

Secretly a fan of matching or complimentary outfits so get ready for him to show up with a haori that matches with theirs! Pink checkers or green florals all the way!

Zenitsu.

We all know how this would begin.

Doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, it, or think you look horrible because this man will beg for your hand in marriage.

Grabbing your hand, on his knees, crying and begging for you to marry him before he dies a horrible death. He's not the most graceful or subtle man but you humor him. Does that dance behind you as he calls out your name over and over day and night, he's so happy someone finally agreed to his request he can't help but want to smother you in love!

He might be unreliable in combat until he passes out but that isn't the case in every other instance, he's got the ability to remember just about everything you say. From the date of your birth, your favorite color, and everything you love and hate. Pops on in at random times to give you thing's he's "found".

Zenitsu totally has a fear of lightning storms, the booming thunder and trembling lightning has him running to you whenever one shows up. Frankly any random, loud sound makes him hide himself behind you. It would be quite if it wasn't for the fact that generally puts you in harms way. He'll apologize profusely once its all over and promise to not do it again but what happens the next time? He's cowering behind you.

Its quite the whiplash when he does faint and his other, more capable, romantic personality comes out. Saves you, gives you a smirk, and sweeps you off your feet. Quite literally and takes you somewhere safe. Which you get all the praise for when he wakes up, he bows down before you and kisses your feet as his way of praise. Crying as he thanks you for saving him.

He's a crybaby dumbass but at least he's your crybaby dumbass with a secret side. Now how to figure to get that out outside of him sleeping!

Inosuke.

Feral man has no idea what's going on most of the time so your presence would go right over his head.

When he did notice he couldn't understand the sudden feelings that gave him butterflies in his stomach, stupid bugs, how did they get in there?

You're the one person who he calls by the right name. Everyone else gets theirs messed up and butchered, but yours? He gets accurately. It baffles Tanjiro and Zenitsu when they hear the un-mumbled name that you were given at birth.

Competitive as fuck. Every little thing turns into who can do it better, even breathing, you're doing your normal tasks, chores or hobbies and he's next to you trying to outdo himself. It's quite endearing once you get past the shouting match. And when he claims he's superior and does everything better than you? He regrets it a little when he sees your face dip into gloominess. Though he quickly assumes it's because you want to go another round.

He doesn't understand, the poor boy.

It takes him being shouted at by Mr. Lightning Boi to finally get a grasp of the situation and even then its a vague, basic understanding at best. In his feral mindset is that you two aren't rivals, eternal competitors for him to gload over, but rather "mates". He chuckles his mad little laugh and dashes into the woods with his swords raised.

His return is late that evening, pulling a prey item he hunted himself and its dragged to you. No one else is allowed to touch it, much less eat it. That's yours and by extension his.

From that moment on his glued to your side and being uncharacteristically quiet, enjoying your presence as he comes to term that you're his mate. Whether you like it or not but you sigh in annoyance, all the little hints you've dropped and this is what he does? Sounds about right, don't you think?

Giyu.

Silent fury and annoyance.

He's so hard to read, he's the god of poker face. That hot, smoldering, poker face.

A bleeding heart and refuses to acknowledge it, he realized he had it when seeing Tanjiro for the first time in the snow, crying, begging and that's when he knew he was a softie.

Tries to ignore it to the best of his ability, tries to be stoic, stubborn hardass self but it gets harder and harder with you around.

Finds you so cute he can't function. Not like you'd ever know when he is or isn't functioning. He's too good at hiding it.

Really a low effort kind of guy.

Unless it's one of his stories then you have to beg him to shut up. Uses them as punishment.

And out of spite, sometimes he just likes hearing himself talk.

Really, truly can't handle seeing someone cry, especially if its someone he knows and cares about. Goes right to his soft side.

Especially if its you, in any way.

Seeing you cry because you got hurt to simply feeling to much and having it overflow always make him nervous, he's not used to consoling people so if and when he tries, it's less than stellar. Its the thought that counts right?

His guilty pleasure is having his hair brushed and played with. Have you seen it? Luscious but barely manageable being a Demon Hunter and all. When he returns to you after a mission, sit him down on the tatami mat, release his hair from the tie and brush it. Anything will do, a comb or your fingers though the latter is preferred since he lives for scalp massages. If he needs rest this is the most way to lull him into a peaceful sleep.

Yushiro.

Give yourself a medal to be the first person to actually get his attention away from Lady Tamayo.

He has tunnel vision for her that when he sees something that doesn't have to do with her is a miracle...or curse.

But now you have to deal with him following you around like a lost puppy.

Very tsundere at first...okay he's always tsundere but varying degrees depending on the state of your relationship.

Stalks you a bit too, hides behind trees and around corners, peeking around them to get a look at you and goes invisible when you look over your shoulder.

Wondering why he feels this way about you and he has to make sure you aren't a threat. Little does he know he falls a little more in love with you every time he sees you.

When you do interact, he's cold and distant. He buffs, crosses his arms and looks away...trying to hide the fact that when you smile at him his ears go red.

Finally, finally, after he stops his tip-toeing around you oh you're in for trouble. He's stepped up his game and he's more dedicated to you than he is to Tamayo.

Like most demons he's inherently over-protective and possessive so good luck talking with people aside from the patients at the secret clinic and if you have to go out, he's creating a parchment that protects you as well and of course not without him at your side as well.

Loves when you kiss his forehead or cheek, his favorites are Eskimo, he can give you affection and you don't taste the blood he has to consume!

Careful though that too many kisses does make him go into his tsundere mode.

[joaquinwhorres]

Blank Out - Ch. 2 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

[ Masterlist ]

SUMMARY ››››› Bucky Barnes has a list of names–amends he needs to make. When he gets to yours, he finds the amends process a bit more…difficult than it should be.

WORD COUNT ››››› 3,550-ish

WARNINGS ››››› language

A/N ››››› I’ve decided that this story calls for alternating perspectives. Also, lemme know what you think about how this explores post-End Game life.

"You know Bucky Barnes?!"

Rocio was upon you before you had even fully entered the dining room. Despite the fact that it was probably cutting off her circulation, the eight year old was still proudly wearing her "Soldier Arm". You were surprised she could even put it on anymore, a thought that brought on the bittersweet feeling of nostalgia. When the two of you had constructed the costume four years ago, you had needed to roll the ends of the glove up and then safety pin it to the top of Rocio's sleeve to keep it from sliding off. Now it didn't even reach her shoulder anymore.

"I never mentioned that?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No!" Rocio exclaimed

"Oh," you shrugged, rounding the table and passing by a wiggling Ravi in his booster seat.

Rocio fell into step behind you letting out an indignant and frustrated sound. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

She had an amazing and irritating talent for both shouting and whining at the same time. You breathed out your annoyance through her nose.

"Rocio," you said, flatly. "Do you really think I know Bucky Barnes and kept it a secret from you?"

The little girl pouted for a second as she thought it over before slowly shaking her head. "You're not very good at keeping secrets."

"Hey," you pointed a finger at her.  "I never told anyone about your crush on Spider-Man did I?"

"I was six!"

"And yet, old enough to propose," you grinned, remembering finding the letter Rocio had addressed to Spider-Man with haphazardly spaced and sized letters. It had taken a few attempts to decipher some of the spelling, but it had proven excellent material to tease Rocio about for the past two years.

Your niece scowled at you and marched back to the table, dramatically throwing herself back into her chair.

You turned back to the stove and the probably cold eggs, smiling to yourself in victory. It was a brief moment of peace as you dished eggs onto three plates because the moment you popped the first one in the microwave, the interrogation started back up.

"Well, if you don't know him, why was he here?"

"He wanted to talk to me and your mom," you said, watching the eggs spin round and round.

"About what?"

"The weather."

"Y/N!" Rocio hit her hand against the table, causing Ravi to jump in his seat and stare at his sister with wide eyes.

You whirled on your niece. "Rocio Ishani, you know better."

"Sorry," Rocio mumbled, casting her eyes down to the table--one of her tells of genuine embarrassment and regret. The microwave beeped, and you sighed, switching the plate out for another one.

"I don't know what he wants to have a conversation about. He was here for three minutes and you did most of the talking. And even if I did know," you added on, stopping Rocio before words could come out of the little girl's open mouth. "I don't think it's a child friendly conversation. Which means when he comes, you're going to your room."

"He's coming back?"

You nodded. "When your mom comes to pick you up," you said, stopping the eggs with six seconds left on the clock. You took the two plates to the table, setting the hot one down in front of your seat and the warm one in front of Rocio. You raised your eyebrows at your niece, gesturing with your head to the kitchen before turning back to get Ravi's plate. Rocio trailed you in, pulling out the silverware drawer to get forks for the three of you and tearing off three paper towels as napkins. She still hadn't quite grasped that Ravi wouldn't be using a napkin however much he needed one. Instead, she ripped one half sheet into a quarter, as if that would convince him to use it in the same way that the small bright green fork convinced him to be somewhat civilized in his eating instead of using his hands.

It was a few more minutes before you were all at the table, ready to eat.

"Your arm, please," you said, gesturing to Rocio's glove. The little girl put up no fight, shimmying out of it and lightly laying it on the empty chair next to her, signature side up so she could admire it all of breakfast.

While the interrogation seemed to be over, talk of the Avengers was not. Most of the breakfast conversation revolved around ranking the Avengers from most powerful to least powerful, and most helpful to least helpful, and the ever ambiguous "best" to "worst." And then, as it did with young kids, talk bounced from subject  to subject--connected only by the vaguest semblance of eight year old logic. It ended with a request to watch Wild Kratts after breakfast.

You did.

You did a lot of other things after breakfast too.

You made and played with play dough and stopped when you noticed Ravi was alternating between building with his and eating it.

You each drew pictures for Lilly with varying degrees of realism, had a fashion show turned impromptu dance party, and played hide and seek during Ravi's nap. (Rocio was such a good hider that you hadn't found her until after Ravi woke up, and you were definitely looking very hard and not reading a book.)

You painted each other's nails, and built an epic race car track for Ravi and made individual pizzas.

You raked leaves outside and picked a few favorites to press in books and even found time to fit in a small hurt self/strong self activity before Lilly arrived.

You were in the middle of deconstructing eating your creations when the front door opened.

"Where is my family?"

You looked up with a smile and gestured towards the door, but Rocio remained put. "We're in here!" she shouted, fingers sticky with peanut butter and fluff.

Lilly sauntered into the room, her emerald green suit still pressed and wrinkleless despite a day on the job. She arched her perfectly threaded eyebrows as she looked at you and daughter and the table all covered in graham cracker crumbs. "Looks like you three had a good day."

"Yep!" Rocio chirped, and Lilly clicked forward and into the corner of the room where Ravi was playing with his two cars on a section of the track.

"How is it my two year old is the least messy of the three of you?" she asked, bending over to press a kiss to Ravi's head. He squirmed away, continuing to move his cars along the track.

You laughed as Rocio licked a finger clean of peanut butter. "Because Ravi takes after you, and Rocio takes after me," you said, grinning at Rocio. Lilly frowned and crossed back over to the girls. "Don't worry though, I think we're all adventured out, so tomorrow we're just going to sit and stare at the walls."

"No!" Rocio shouted, and Lilly hushed her.

You tilted your head as if thinking. "I guess we could wash my car," you said, tapping your chin with a finger. "And the baseboards do need some dusting."

Rocio let out a dramatic groan, and you laughed, picking up a napkin to rub away at the spot of marshmallow fluff on her chin.

"Well, if you're not going to clean my house, you can at least clean your hands."

Rocio gave you a look of exasperation that she should have been much too young to even think about giving. Nevertheless, she slid out of her chair and headed to the sink, Lilly stopping her en route so she could press a kiss to the top of her daughter's head.

"How was work?" you asked as Lilly sunk into Rocio's vacated chair.

"People are idiots," Lilly rolled her eyes, giving a sigh.

"Says the literal genius," you returned, and Lilly snorted, shaking her head.

"It doesn't take a genius to follow simple instructions. I'll lay everything out for them, and even with pictures, they can't complete a single build without running into some potentially catastrophic error."

"That's not what you want to hear from the lead engineer at Stark Energy."

Rocio skipped back to the table, and Lilly scooched out her chair, gesturing for Rocio to come sit on her lap. The little girl veered off early though, instead attempting to climb into your lap. You shook her head, casting a quick glance at your sister who dropped her open arms.

"Your mom's missed you," you said, gesturing with her head across the table.

"I live with her," Rocio whined.

"And?" Lilly asked, moving her chair back up to the table. "I still miss you when I work."

"Really?" Rocio asked, walking over to the chair next to Lilly, and claiming it.

"Really," Lilly assured, placing an arm on the back of Rocio's chair, gently combing through her daughter's hair with her fingers. She looked up at you offering a small, weak smile before looking back down at her daughter. Her brow creased. "What are you sitting on?" she asked, tugging at something underneath Rocio. The little girl joined her mom in looking down, her eyes lighting up as she recognized the object.

"My Soldier Arm! Oh yeah! Guess who we met today!"

"Who?" Lilly asked.

"No, guess!"

You would have to teach your niece about the art of not playing a guessing game after making the answer so obvious. Then again, it still seemed so surreal that Bucky Barnes would turn up at your doorstep, that even with the "Soldier Arm", you doubted that Lilly would guess.

Lilly pursed her lips, putting on a show of thought. "Was it--"

There was a knock at the front door interrupting Lilly's guess. Rocio practically launched herself from the chair, already halfway out of the room by the time she could scream "I'll get it!"

"No!" Ravi shouted. His usual reaction when Rocio was too loud, too energetic, too Rocio.

Lilly exhaled a laugh at her son before turning back to you. "This was too much sugar," she said, circling a finger around Rocio's half-eaten creation. You laughed and Lilly smiled, and it felt nice for things to be normal between you--easy. Even if it was just for a moment.

A moment that was brought to a screeching halt by Rocio dragging Bucky Barnes into the combined kitchen and dining room by the hand.

"We met Bucky Barnes!" she chirped.

Lilly's face went slack, only managing to get out a small "Holy shit." Your eyes didn't linger long on your sister though. Instead your gaze was drawn to Bucky Barnes who looked vaguely amused at Rocio.

"Rocio, release your captive," you prompted, and reluctantly, Rocio released his hand, taking a few steps back towards her mother to give him some space.

"Is this--are you--what is happening here?" Lilly asked, looking between Bucky and you and Rocio, as if one of you had a reasonable explanation for this.You had only ever seen your sister this flustered twice before. Both of the previous occasions had been heartbreaking and traumatic, and you'd never quite gotten to experience how funny flustered Lilly was.

"He wants to talk to you and Y/N about something!" Rocio filled in.

Lilly's head whipped to you. "You know him?" she whispered, as if this was some secret conversation for your ears only.

You shook her head. "No, he just came by this morning and asked to speak with us."

"About what?" Lilly asked, furrowing her eyebrows and looking back to Bucky.

"I don't know."

For all of the differences between Lilly and Rocio--and there were many--their brain processing was eerily similar.

Bucky cleared his throat, drawing your attention back to him. "I um--I don't know if you want--" he gestured to Rocio. "Here for this."

"Rocio, go to your ro--the playroom," you corrected.

"I promise I'll be quiet if you let me--" Rocio started, and Lilly cut her off.

"Rocio, take your brother and go up to the playroom please,"

"But--" Rocio's face melted into the start of a complaint, but there a sharp cut of her mother's eyes stopped her dead. You remembered being on the receiving end of that look quite a few times while she was growing up. If anything it'd grown in power.

Rocio stomped forward, taking Ravi by the hand who whined and complained until she let him pick up a few cars to take with him, and the two exited the room, heavy footsteps echoing up the staircase.

You turned back to Bucky who was staring over Lilly's head, at the wall of family pictures.

The idea had hit you four years ago after Rocio woke up crying from a nightmare. Together, you spent the night going through old photo albums and Facebook albums, searching for the best pictures of the family. You ended the night with about forty pictures that needed to be framed, and the whole project took about a week to finish.

Every time the two of you ate lunch together over the past four years, Rocio would choose a picture, and you would tell her the story behind the picture. Your eyes flitted amongst them now.

There was the first time Lilly held you as a baby which was also the first time you smiled. Lilly's high school graduation--one of the few pictures with both of your parents in it, hovering on either side of Lilly as a six year old you sat on her hip. Lilly and Hector's beautiful wedding day. Lilly and Hector at your high school graduation. Lilly and you at the baby shower for Rocio, and Lilly and Hector at the shower for Ravi. There was one of Rocio's grandparents meeting her for the first time, and a good number of photos documenting your visits out to the family. Before the blip.

During your four years together, you and Rocio had also taken pictures of memories the family couldn't be there for and hung them on the wall; reminders of stories to tell should they ever return.

Rocio and you moving into a new house.

Rocio's first day of Kindergarten, first, and second grade.

The two of you and Rocio's ill-fated hamster, Churro.

Birthday parties and day trips that the rest of the family should have attended.

Bucky stared at the pictures, his frown deepening.

"Would you like to sit?" Lilly invited, allowing her collected professional persona to seep into her voice and straighten her spine.

The super soldier nodded, choosing the chair at the end of the table, closest to the door. He wet his lips, his eyes drawn from the pictures and down to the wooden table. It was strange seeing an Avenger--someone who had fought Thanos--seem so nervous in the company of two ordinary women.

He reminded you of the fourth graders who entered your office.

The fourth graders were always so hesitant to work with you--terrified of opening up and showing even a glimpse of vulnerability. It took three sessions just to get them to admit that they weren't fine and a few more before they lost the skittish look in their eyes. You doubted Bucky would be pried open by bags of chips or any of her fidgets, but figured you could at least try.

"Can I get you something to drink?" you asked, and Bucky shook his head.

"I don't want to take up too much of your time."

You nodded, and Lilly cocked her head. "So what brings an Avenger to my sister's house?"

He wet his lips and then looked up at the pair of you. "You're part of my efforts to make amends." Bucky made an attempt at a smile.

Across the table, Lilly's chest constricted with barely suppressed laughter, and the corners of your lips twitched in and out of a smile. Whoever had advised him to smile, surely hadn't meant for him to smile like that.

"What are you here to make amends for?" Lilly asked, her voice steady and betraying none of her amusement.

"I…" his eyes drifted back to the wall of pictures looming beside the group. "I'm the one responsible for your parents death."

You felt the world stop.

Or maybe it wasn't the world, maybe you stopped. Maybe every single atom within you stilled for a moment. Maybe your brain shut down and heart paused its beating, keeping you from thinking or feeling anything other than the numbness of shock. Because as surprising as it was for Bucky Barnes to show up on your doorstep at ten in the morning, you never expected he was responsible for changing your entire life.

"I know there's nothing, I could ever do to truly make amends--"

"You don't need to make amends."

Everything seemed to restart then. Your heart picked up its beating and brain whirred into action, sifting through memories and thoughts you'd long ago pushed to the back of your mind and locked there to remain untouched even by years of therapy.

Your skin prickled with flashes of images. The dark figure at the top of the staircase, the glint of metal you'd assumed was a gun in his hand, the cold blankness of his stare as his eyes bore into yours. And then the horror and sick relief of finding your parents in the moments after his disappearance.

"They were horrible people, and I'm glad they're dead. Thank you for salvaging my childhood"

"Y/N," Lilly gasped, horrified.

"You hated them too," you argued back. "Don't pretend you're not glad that Rocio and Ravi never have to meet them."

"Our relationship with our parents aside, they were still our parents. The least we can do is not thank the man who murdered them in their sleep."

Bucky for his part looked completely bewildered as his eyes darted between the two arguing sisters.

You shook your head. "You were more of a parent to me than they ever were."

"And it's because of that that I remember you waking up screaming every night for three years. So if you're not going to ask for amends for our parents' murder, at least ask for amends for what you had to go through because of him."

"My nightmares aren't because of him," you dismissed. Lilly would never believe--let alone understand--the reason behind your nightmares.

Seeing the argument was fruitless, Lilly tsked and dismissed you with a flip of her hair, turning instead to address Bucky. "Why?"

"Why…" Bucky stumbled along, confused by the conversational whiplash or the vague question.

"Why did you kill our parents?" Lilly demanded.

"Does it matter?" you asked.

"It matters to me."

You stared at your sister for a solid thirty seconds before, and shutting your eyes and bowing your head in surrender. Lilly didn't understand. If you had it your way, Lilly would never understand. You would never burden your sister like that.

Bucky swallowed hard. "I wasn't told the specifics of every...assignment. All I know is that your parents were working on something HYDRA wanted, and when they were offered a chance to join the cause, they declined. I was tasked with eliyoution and retrieval."

"Retrieval?" Lilly pressed

"Of their research."

Lilly gave him a single nod before looking down at the table in front of her. "I didn't even know they were conducting their own research."

You felt her skin prickle, an icy hot sensation shooting through your veins. Carefully calm, you reached across the table, palms open for your sister's hands. Lilly placed her hands into yours. "They never let us get to know them," you said gently, squeezing Lilly's hands. "That's why I'm angry and you're hurt."

Even as you said this, you could feel Bucky's gaze on you, intently studying your motions and facial expressions.

You looked back at him. "Thank you for coming to tell us. I'm sure it wasn't easy."

He nodded, his brow still slightly creased as he looked at her. And then his gaze flicked to Lilly, and you released a breath.

"I know it doesn't mean much--it doesn't change anything, but I'm not the person who did that anymore. I am no longer the Winter Soldier. I am James "Bucky" Barnes."

Lilly nodded, releasing your hands and looking Bucky square in the face. Her own expression was completely neutral, not a trace of a tear or any of the hurt she'd voiced.

"If you want to make amends, you should come here for Thanksgiving."

Neither you nor Bucky had been expecting that. Your instinctive reaction was to snort out a laugh as if it were a joke, and Bucky looked like the very dictionary definition of confusion: brow knitted together, eyes narrowed, mouth hanging open.

"It would mean the world to my daughter. You can think about it as replacing a memory of my daughter meeting her grandparents. you's right, this will probably be a happier memory anyway."

"You have to come!" Rocio rushed into the room, you and Lilly shouting her name in a mixture of surprise, horror, and reprimand. The eight year old made no excuses or explanations. Instead she stood by Bucky's chair, peering up at him with a bright intensity only a child could muster. "Please."

Bucky looked away from Rocio to Lilly and then you. "Ok."

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Cats 1986 (and Others) vs. 2016

A post I made a few months ago comparing information gathered from interviews with different Cats casts has come up again recently and I’ve heard even more interviews since, so I want to add on to that a little and elaborate on the things I’ve already said.

CW: Some of the language regarding Demeter’s backstory is a bit darker than I’ve previously mentioned

So, I’ve now heard interviews from US Tours III, IV, and V, spanning from 1986 to 2012. They’re all Broadway-based, and the Broadway Revival went in a very different direction, but the three tours were all very similar to each other.

In both the tours and in 2016, the cast was sat down before rehearsals to hear the “story of Cats”. However, this meant two completely different things. The Tour casts were told the plot of the show, who their characters were and what they were meant to be doing. The 2016 was told the story of how the show Cats was created, how ALW had the idea and made a show out of it. No mention of the story and characters. This means that the Tour casts were given useful information for building their characters, while the 2016 cast got something that was interesting but did nothing to help them do their jobs in the present. More emphasis was put on the show’s legacy than on how to actually perform it. Trevor Nunn did the 2016 explaining, I believe, and it sounds like he was on an ego trip, talking about what he did instead of what the cast was supposed to do. Trevor Nunn is one of the few people who knows how the show works, so this is quite frustrating.

Though the Tour cast was given a whole story, most of them only remembered the perspectives of their own characters. The point of learning the plot was so that they knew what they were doing. It wasn’t supposed to matter to the audience. So, everyone mainly focused on their own jobs. But, everyone knew Demeter’s backstory, because it was the first thing they were told and it caught their attention. It almost became a meme that the first sentence of the plot was “Demeter was raped by Macavity”.

The story begins with Demeter having just escaped from Macavity. He kidnapped and raped her. Though she didn’t want it, she kind of enjoyed the sex, which messed with her head quite a bit. Bomba went through the exact same thing, but because she enjoyed it, she acts like the whole thing was nothing more than an annoyance. The two react to the same situation in different ways.

Jacob Brent was either given a toned down version of the story (he mentions kidnapping, but not rape), or he chose to give a toned down version to avoid the uncomfortable subject. 

The 2016 knew that Macavity and Demeter had some sort of backstory, but they weren’t very clear on exactly what happened. They decided that they’d had an abusive relationship, but that the whole thing was consensual and there was no kidnapping, because the only element of this story that the audience can pick up without context is that there was some sort of sexual relationship between Macavity and Demeter, but she’s now afraid of him.

At least one cast member said that Macavity was a rapist, but she didn’t elaborate.

This messed with Demeter’s character far more than anyone expected. The rape element honestly isn’t necessary. Demeter and Macavity had some sort of sex, but it could’ve been consensual, with Demeter enjoying the sex but hating the man. That’s actually what Gillian Lynne seemed to have implied in interviews. However, the kidnapping part of the backstory is important, because it establishes the connection between Demeter and Grizabella. While hiding from Macavity, right before the story begins, Demeter sees Grizabella on the Bad Side of Town. Due to not being a Jellicle before this night, she doesn’t know who she is, and therefore has no bias against her. She just sees this woman living on the streets, humans wondering aloud why she isn’t dead, and felt sympathy for her. 

So, when Grizabella appears at the ball and everyone hates her, Demeter wants to intervene, but she doesn’t want to upset her new friends. She came to the Jellicles for protection and is afraid of them rejecting her for siding with their enemy. Still, she tells the tribe what she knows about Griz, possibly trying to convince them to be nicer to her, but it doesn’t work and Demeter just starts following the crowd.

The lyrics Demeter sings, by themselves, are musical exposition that doesn’t imply sympathy. A line like “You’d really have thought she’d ought to be dead” sounds like it could be played as an insult. The words can either mean “I’m surprising the poor thing’s still alive in her condition” or “Why can’t the bitch fuck off and die already?”. Without the context of Demeter’s backstory, Kim Faure picked the latter, when with the context, it’s clearly meant to be the former. So, Demeter’s delivery of her lines in Glamour Cat in 2016 is venomous, almost sadistic.

Later on, towards the end of act one, 2016 Demeter reaches out to Grizabella like she does in most other versions, despite the earlier delivery. What made her change gears? I have no idea.

So, there was a lot of insight on Demeter. She’s the character with the most detailed backstory, making her the closest thing the show has to a protagonist. 

Another character that gets a lot of attention, as he demands, is Tugger. Many Tugger actors were interviewed. I think he’s the favorite character of the host of the podcast. Different Tuggers from different eras responded to certain topics differently. Tuggers from the 1980s were unaware that Tugger was commonly interpreted as Not Straight and that Tuggoffelees is a thing. But, the more recent the show their from, the more they’re aware of and interested in the topic. The Tour V Tugger joined very late, during the last few years of the tour. He had access to the internet and could see what the fandom was up to. He played Tugger as ambiguously bi and, though he hadn’t thought of it at the time, liked the idea of the Tuggoffelees pairing. Tyler Hanes, 2016 Tugger, was the only one interviewed who played Tuggoffelees on purpose.

Tyler Hanes was very interesting. He watched the 1998 film while preparing for the role and didn’t seem to like it very much. He wanted his version of Tugger to be his own and avoided taking inspiration from any other version. John Partridge’s Tugger and Hanes’ Tugger being so different from each other might’ve been deliberate.

But, the choreography is what really messed with Tugger’s character. The host of the podcast mentioned Tugger’s pelvic thrusts and Hanes said that he wanted to do that sort of thing, but the new choreography removed all of it. He couldn’t make Tugger as horny or sexy as he wanted to. It was a key part of the character, but the choreography just wouldn’t let it happen. The result is that a bunch of queens fangirl over Tugger, but because Tugger’s defining trait in his number is being vain and obnoxious, the reason why he, of all toms, is considering the sexiest is completely lost. He’s just a dick to everyone (except Misto) and they love him anyway. 

Other Tuggers do act like assholes during the number, but it’s not the focus. The lyrics are about Tugger being difficult, but the choreography, often to a comedic degree, isn’t about that. The message of Lynne’s choreography is that DESPITE Tugger being obnoxious, he’s a sex god and that’s what matters to his fans. Blankenbuehlers’s choreography mainly focuses on Tugger being obnoxious, which is a better match to the lyrics, but it makes the character less likable.

Also, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The two most sexualized numbers are Tugger’s and Macavity’s. Tugger’s number is about a man being sexy. Macavity’s number has two women being sexy. Blankenbuehler redid Tugger’s number, toning down the sexuality, but he left Macavity alone completely, so it’s as sexual as it always is. Male sexuality needs to be toned down, but female sexuality is fine. This is what happens when a woman is replaced with a straight dude. I doubt it was done on purpose, but there was definitely some subconscious bias going on there.

The way the casts talk about the two choreographers is also different. Both of them are treated as the experts on the show, more like how a director is normally treated. But, how well they filled that role varied. Lynne could explain what every single move meant. Those who worked with her knew exactly what they were doing. Nobody has ever described any of Blankenbuehler’s choreography with the same detail. In numbers in 2016 that Blankenbuehler left alone, even without Lynne present at all, everything was clearly explained. Skimble actors, since Skimble’s number wasn’t altered much, describe people who’d worked with Lynne talking them through the choreography. No one talked about Blankenbuehler’s work like that. Every move of Lynne’s Jellicle Ball apparently represented something. Blankenbuehler’s Jellicle Ball looks fine, but there isn’t that level of detail.

The rehearsals of the the choreography were paced differently as well. 2016 was apparently put together in something of a hurry. Most Cats rehearsals begin with several days of the cast studying cats and learning how to move like them. 2016 devoted only a few hours to this. Gillian Lynne reportedly visited a rehearsal and was upset the none of the dancers knew how to move like cats. Cats has unique choreography in a unique cat-like style, but the 2016 team had no time to practice it, so they often come across as a bit too human. They’re talented human dancers, but they’re not very cat-like. Blankenbuehler’s choreography is often in a different, more modern urban style, that doesn’t seem like it was done with cat-like movement in mind.

I don’t hate Blankenbuehler. In behind the scenes stuff, he seems like a nice guy that the team liked working with. But, I don’t think he really understood what his role was. He was a choreographer and he did choreography. This would’ve been fine, even great for any other show, but not Cats.

Most modern musical theatre is based on opera. Characters sing about their feelings and that tells the story. The added element of dance takes the feelings of the song and amplifies them. The actors are emoting with their entire bodies in a larger-than-life way that creates an emotional intensity that audiences can empathize with. The music makes the audience feel what the characters are feeling in a way nothing else really can. Music is kind of magical. You hear a certain melody with certain instruments, and suddenly you’re happy, or sad, or angry.

This, by the way, is why going for realism in musicals is a terrible idea. Musicals don’t exist in physical reality. They exist on an emotional level that realism takes away from.

Cats rarely works like opera. The lyrics are mainly just adaptations of whimsical poems, so they don’t tell you much of anything. Memory, which features original lyrics and no dancing is an exception to this rule. In general, because they’re not dance roles, Grizabella and Old Deuteronomy have to use music and song lyrics to play their parts in the story. Jemima also does this whenever she does something connected to either one of them.

But, Cats is normally more of a ballet than an opera. Ballet tells a story purely through dance. Because the lyrics in Cats matter so rarely, it ends up working like a ballet, because the dance, unrelated to the poems, means something. It’s still a heightened reality where music invokes emotions and actors emote with their whole bodies, like in other musicals, but instead of the dance being an amplifier, it’s the storyteller.

ALW really liked a bunch of poems and wanted to put them to music. The result was a bunch of songs with a similar them but no real connection to each other. That works as a concept album, but Webber wanted a musical, an actual show where people danced to his concept album. He didn’t care about the story and didn’t expect anyone else to.

But, other people cared about the story. No one knew how to make a musical that’s not about something. Trevor Nunn added Memory and the storyline with Grizabella as an emotional centerpiece. There wasn’t a clear plot, but, on an emotional level, it now felt like something was actually happening. Gillian Lynne had no idea how to choreograph a musical about nothing, so she didn’t. She came up with her own interpretations of things and made the show about something. Several somethings, in fact. Victoria is going through puberty and discovering her sexuality. Demeter is recovering from an abusive sexual experience, with Bomba having a different attitude towards being in the same situation. The women in the story were given detailed story arcs that often revolved around their sexuality.

How sexuality is portrayed in Cats could be its own essay. 

Anyway, Cats tells its story with a unique style of choreography. Because the choreographer is the story teller, Lynne had a lot of influence over the show. She was the one who knew all the details. Blankenbuehler was brought in to choreograph a show, like a normal job for him, not knowing what that would actually mean. He came in to have dance amplify the emotions in the song lyrics like in any other musical, not knowing that that’s impossible to do with Cats. The role of choreographer meant a level of knowledge and control that would normally belong to the director, composer, and lyricist. He didn’t realize that the show having any story at all depended on him.

So, he did stuff that looked cool, but didn’t tell the story, or that took the story in a direction that it wasn’t supposed to go. Tugger dancing in front of a giant mirror is funny in the moment, but that sort of narcissism, though funny, isn’t likable, and Tugger needs to be likable. He’s a major character and he helps save the day at the end by hyping up Misto. But, 2016 Tugger hypes up Misto because if feels like Misto is the only cat he truly respects. He has the same respect for Old Deuteronomy that the others have, but he doesn’t sound quite as sincere when he sings about him. He spends so much of his number antagonizing Munkustrap in particular that it’s hard to believe that he has any respect for him.

What can be learned from these interviews is that Blankenbuehler didn’t know what his job truly was and was there because someone important thought Cats would be more popular in 2016 if it was more like Hamilton and got the Hamilton guy to give it a make-over. Nunn was so proud of the show’s success that he neglected what made it successful in the first place, and the 2016 cast was rushed through rehearsals without proper instructions. Everyone tried their best, but they were all stuck.

For the most part, I blame whoever decided to have Blankenbuehler rechoreograph the show. Blankenbuehler did what he thought his job was and the cast did their jobs to the best of their ability. What really ruined Cats 2016 was an executive decision to fix something that wasn’t broken, believing if they made the Old Big Show more like the New Big Show, that would make people love it again. But Hamilton is no more like Cats than a cat is like a dog.

[collapse-and-comfort]

A normally strong whumpee, who usually ensures the caretaker (in a friendly way) that they’re okay after an injury. But now, the whumper broke them😈, emotionally and physically. Home now, in pain and still terrified that the whumper will return, they grab the caretaker’s hand, pleading “please, don’t go.” The caretaker comforts the whumpee, while fighting the anger inside of what the whumper did to the one they care about/love.

Oh my goodness! This is awesome! I’m pretty sure I’ve stated loudly and emphatically on multiple occasions implied before that I’m an absolute slut for aftermath and comfort! (I actually surprised myself by trying something new and using a romantic dynamic between Whumpee and Caretaker.) Thank you so much for this ask; it gave me so many feels! I hope you enjoy! 🥰

It’s just a trip to the store in the middle of a blazing, bright afternoon, but that doesn’t stop Caretaker from fantasizing about leaving and finding Whumper on their own. And when they found Whumper? Their imagination was vivid, but in that regard it felt stunted. They didn’t know where Whumper was and maybe that was for the best.

Caretaker moved from the kitchen to the den.

“Hey, hun, is there anything else we need from the-”

Whumpee sat hunched on the couch. They looked up at Caretaker with wide, unblinking eyes. Caretaker crossed the short distance between them and put a hand on one of Whumpee’s shoulders.

“Oh, Whumpee,” they said. They stopped shy of asking what was wrong. Because they knew. They fucking knew. Whumpee had been like a shadow since their release from the hospital earlier that week. Now they were trembling beneath Caretaker’s touch and staring at them as though they could neither understand nor express what was hurting them. “Hey, hey, I’m here.”

Caretaker thought back to all the times they’d seen Whumpee asleep on that couch, often with a book open on their chest. The possibility that they’d never see that again, that that person had been completely broken because of what Whumper had done to them made Caretaker’s breath catch and their brain itch.

Caretaker’s assurance that they would never let Whumper near them again fell short and they moved their hand away, suddenly feeling unworthy of the contact. Whumpee grabbed their hand with both of theirs. The movement boasted the snappish speed of a panicked creature. Whumpee’s grip wasn’t painful, but it was surprising.

“Do you need something for the pain?” Caretaker prompted. They knew Whumpee would never ask on their own.

“No,” they said as they shook their head and looked with hollow eyes where their hands were joined. Whumpee was frozen, as though they didn’t know how to move, or what to do. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I just…”

“Honey, it’s okay,” Caretaker said when Whumpee began to weep. They moved their free hand to cover the back of Whumpee’s and gave a tiny squeeze before using their palm to caress it. “Tell me what you need.”

Nothing, Caretaker expected to hear. I’m good. I’m fine. You worry too much. I’ve never been better.

But the gentle rebuff didn’t come and heat spiked up over Caretaker’s skin.

“Please, don’t go,” Whumpee said. Their voice was a hoarse whisper and that was more worrisome to Caretaker than a scream. Whumpee didn’t seem to notice when tears slid down their face. “I’m sorry. I can’t...I don’t want to be a-alone. I can’t be - be alone.”

They both knew it was just a trip to the store. Caretaker didn’t need to say it. Caretaker had barely left Whumpee’s hospital room, and they’d barely been out of each other’s sight since they returned home. They certainly wouldn’t leave Whumpee now, not when there was such open need in their voice.

“I won’t,” Caretaker said.

Whumpee’s eyes shifted to the window, then to the space over Caretaker’s shoulder. Caretaker didn’t know what Whumpee was seeing, or what they expected to see, but their breathing escalated even more.  

“Please don’t leave me,” Whumpee’s voice hitched and their wild, fearful gaze flashed up to Caretaker, searching their face. Their hands tightened on Caretaker’s hard enough that their knuckles braced together. “Please stay.”

“Of course, hun. I’m not going anywhere.”

Whumpee dragged Caretaker’s hand against their heaving chest and held it there like a precious talisman.

Caretaker knew they were the best person to take care of Whumpee - they would have throttled anyone who implied otherwise - but in that moment, they felt hopelessly out of their depth. How could they help Whumpee believe they were safe? How could they understand what they were feeling? What if they couldn’t help?

Whumpee’s head dipped and they began gulping in air through their mouth.

“Oh, honey, honey, honey,” Caretaker said as they knelt at Whumpee’s feet. They reached their free hand up and smoothed Whumpee’s hair before resting their palm on Whumpee’s cheek. “Shh, shh, shh. Whumpee. Baby, look at me, sweetie. Please look at me.”

Whumpee didn’t look up; they just continued to gasp and shudder.

“That’s okay,” Caretaker said. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I need you to breathe for me, though, yeah? Can you do that?”

Whumpee let out a choked sob, but they nodded.

“That’s good,” Caretaker said, relieved to have gotten a response at all. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth. Deep breaths.”

Caretaker felt Whumpee’s chest haltingly expand. Half way through the inhalation, a tiny whimper escaped Whumpee. It made Caretaker want to cry and rend Whumper limb from limb because maybe, just maybe that could make things better? They shoved the thought aside and they praised Whumpee when their breath rattled back out of them.

“That’s it,” Caretaker said as they kissed the top of Whumpee’s bowed head and continued to stroke their hair. “You’re doing so good. Just breathe.”

As Whumpee brought their breathing under control, their grip on Caretaker’s hand lessened. Finally, finally, Whumpee looked up at them. Their eyes were damp and puffy. And hurt. Caretaker moved Whumpee’s hands toward them and pressed their lips to one of them.

“I love you so much,” Caretaker said. They kept their voice at a whisper, as though anything more than that would shatter Whumpee all over again.  

Whumpee sniffed and nodded. Their eyes lowered again, but the tension in their shoulders eased ever so slightly as they rested their elbows on their thighs. One of Whumpee’s hands released its hold on Caretaker’s and they ran the back of it over their eyes. Another sniff. When Whumpee looked back up at Caretaker, the beginnings of a teetery, fragile smile flickered at the corners of their lips. The sight was precious and horrible.

The things Caretaker wanted to do to Whumper for taking the brightness from Whumpee’s smile! All those bloody, remorseless, violent things. Whatever agony Caretaker could inflict on Whumper, it would never be enough.

Whumpee shed more tears, but they allowed them to fall to the ground.

“I…” Whumpee said. They cleared their throat and swallowed; their eyes focused on Caretaker’s face like they were studying it, like they were afraid they would forget the color of Caretaker’s eyes, or the planes of their face. The earnestness on Whumpee’s face made Caretaker forget their own breathing for an instant. “I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t have you to come back to.”

Whumpee blinked, as though making that confession had broken a spell, or at very least lifted a weight from them. Their shoulders relaxed further and they scrutinized their bare feet.

After kissing Whumpee’s hand again and setting it down on their leg, Caretaker lifted themself and sat next to Whumpee. They left no space between them. They unconsciously mimicked Whumpee’s posture and then tentatively ran their palm down Whumpee’s back, then slowly, gently back up. For the moment, it was the only way Caretaker could respond. They kept up that tender motion and what was left of Whumpee - what had been returned - continued to relax.

“Come here,” Caretaker said as they leaned both of them against the couch’s back. Caretaker gave no indication of how they were seething. They didn’t think it was possible to hate one person so completely that it made breathing difficult. The more Caretaker thought about it, the more acceptable it became to let that hatred smother them. But their love for Whumpee eclipsed all of that.

It had to.

Whumpee slowly repositioned themself, resting their head against Caretaker’s shoulder and placing their hand on Caretaker’s stomach.

“I wouldn’t have survived if you didn’t come back,” Caretaker said as they ran their fingers through Whumpee’s hair. They fit together so well. They always had. And they always would, no matter how Whumper’s actions had whittled away at Whumpee.

Caretaker’s chin rested atop Whumpee’s head and their breaths both slowed to a soft rhythm as they dozed while he afternoon burned itself out.

They stirred in the stillness of an unremarkable evening and they stretched and sighed against one another. Caretaker withdrew their phone from their back pocket.

“Delivery?” they asked.

“Mmhm,” Whumpee said as they nodded against Caretaker’s chest.

Whumpee was quick to agree to pizza and Caretaker paused before calling their favorite place. The lack of discussion or bickering about dinner options needled Caretaker. No back and forth, no “I don’t know, what do you want to eat?” with varying degrees of good nature or annoyance.

Caretaker asked Whumpee about their preference for pizza toppings, but Whumpee shrugged and snuggled closer. Caretaker frowned, but kissed Whumpee’s head and resumed toying with their hair while they ordered enough food to have leftovers for the next day. Neither of them moved until the delivery driver arrived.

Caretaker’s rage was muted but still present, like the dull ache of unsatisfied hunger. It followed them as they and Whumpee went about the remainder of their evening.

Shower. Pills. Bed.

Caretaker sensed that would become their routine and as they helped Whumpee on with a nightshirt. They smoothed the front of the shirt down and decided there were worse foundations to build on.

They laid in bed, Whumpee on the flat of their back and Caretaker curled on their side, watching Whumpee’s familiar outline in the darkness. They wanted to put their arms around Whumpee, or to have Whumpee’s arms around them. They soothed themself by breathing in Whumpee’s scent. Clean and warm. And there. Their fingertips traced leisurely circles on Whumpee’s forearm.

“Promise me something?” Whumpee said. They sounded so much more like themself.

“Anything.”

“Don’t go after Whumper.”

[rainbowsky]

The Wolf Reviewed

Spoiler-free section

My life is divided into two eras: ‘before seeing GG as Ji Chong’ and ‘after seeing GG as Ji Chong’. I will never be the same.

GG is magical in this series, and Ji Chong is among my absolute favorite characters of all time (I am actually in love with this character, which is heartbreaking given the fact that he’s fictional). The show also has many interesting characters and some exciting storylines, and in spite of some of its flaws this series is quite good. Highly recommended.

Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, but I can’t give a full review without spoilers. Here’s the rest for those who have already seen the series.

Spoilers under the cut

OK, where to start?

The Characters

There were so many great characters in this story and overall I found the performances of all of them well-acted and exciting to watch. I especially loved Ji Chong and Yao Ji. Both were complex, mysterious characters who stole the show every time they were onscreen.

Ji Chong was incredible. Everything about him was over-the-top amazing. I can imagine that GG must have identified a lot with Ji Chong because he has a similarly gallant, charismatic and kind personality. Seeing GG perform a character like this was mind-blowing because of the harmony between them in spite of their physical differences.

I could go on and on about how much I love Ji Chong as a character but if you’ve seen the series you already know how great he is. I truly fell in love with that man. He was everything I love in a person, and in such a beautiful package. I loved his nimble mischievousness, his rebelliousness, his fierce independence, his devotion to those he loves, and above all, his integrity.  With one exception that I’ll get into later, everything he did in that series was consistent with the image I had of him and it made my heart melt.

And it was pretty insane to see GG go from the thin, twinkish, bubbly and somewhat diminutive Wei Wuxian to the rugged, masculine, mature and level-headed Ji Chong. Not only because of the personality differences between the two characters, but also because of the physical differences. They look like two entirely different people. Ji Chong looks so tall and imposing in the series!

It’s impressive to see GG’s acting ability shine through in these roles. He has such a gift for acting, and for drawing viewers into the hearts of the characters he plays.

Yao Ji was another character that really impressed me. She had so much intensity and complexity, and her character arc was so strong. She was also just incredibly well styled and she looked breathtaking in every single frame she appeared in. The various headpieces and hairstyles she wore were stunning, and her sidekick Zi Shen was an aesthetic marvel.

I also really loved Ma Jing. Despite the fact that she was often used for comedic effect, her character was quite nuanced and multidimensional. I loved her loyalty and strength, and the depth of the love she had for Ma Zhai Xing really shone through in every scene she was in.

The entire Night Fury group was also amazing. I loved them as a team and as individuals, and the trajectories their characters went through were interesting and engaging. I was really invested in what became of them. When Wen Yan died I was gutted, and I was grateful that Hai Die and Mo Xiao had such a satisfying conclusion to their story.

I also adored Butler Shi. What a great character. He reminded me of one or two guys I know hehe. He had such a warm, endearing quality about him.

I’m realizing that I could sit here and name almost every character in this series. Despite some of the problems that I have with it, I’m reminded that the characters are exceptionally well-realized in this series.

The Story

Overall I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the story. It was exciting and engaging, and there were some very interesting side conflicts and intrigues. There was an overall sense of adventure and plenty of action, some really emotional moments and even comic relief.

When you think about it, almost every character had something deeper going on outside of the main plot, and those side/back stories were really interesting and varied. There was complexity to the characters and their motives and experiences without it overcomplicating the plot.

The romances were not my cup of tea. I’ll get into that later on. But despite being the thread that ran through the entire story, they really didn’t feel central to it and it was easy to simply enjoy the show while putting aside the annoyances I had with the romances (I did this primarily by consciously choosing to take the story at face value, and choosing to believe that Ma Zhai Xing really was through with Prince Bo).

The show did a great job of getting me engaged and keeping me interested, giving me a story that was complex without being confusing, emotional without being too sappy (with some exceptions). The action, fight scenes, battles, etc. were exciting without feeling fake and cliche. There were some well-choreographed scenes.

I really can’t complain about much. I mean, there were times when I was watching this series that I thought I hated it, but in retrospect I can see that I really loved it in spite of some of the flaws, which I’ll discuss in a moment.

The Soundtrack

The soundtrack was quite good, even if it felt repetitive when I was bingeing the show. So many songs have stuck with me since I finished the series. I especially like Backflow by Jolin Tsai (second-last song on the playlist I linked). Of course I would have loved a song or two with GG, but the soundtrack we got was memorable.

What I hated

I really struggled with some aspects of this series.

I found Bao Na mostly unwatchable. She was incredibly annoying. As a character she had all the traits I dislike. Whiny, stalker, demanding, emotionally immature, jealous... I really couldn’t stand that character for a lot of the series.

It’s true that she started to redeem herself a bit through the course of the series but she never really evolved into someone I wanted to see more of. I definitely had some moments where I liked her and sympathized with her, but mostly she grated on my nerves.

I also hated Prince Bo through most of the series, and found it insulting that I was expected to view him as the protagonist and cheer for him to win the princess’s heart. I felt that the ‘love-hate’ thing between Prince Bo and Ma Zhai Xing was overplayed to a point where I lost all sympathy with Prince Bo and desperately wanted him to die a horrible death through much of the series.

His behavior didn’t reflect someone who was in love but wanted to protect her. Much of his behavior was excessive and gratuitous, much worse than was necessary to achieve its stated goal. He was incredibly emotionally and psychologically abusive toward Ma Zhai Xing to a degree that was often really hard to watch. Especially his near-rape of her.

This is a man that I didn’t want to see redeemed. This is a man I wanted to see burned alive. No one who truly loved Ma Zhai Xing would be even remotely capable of the actions Prince Bo took.

I will admit that he did begin to redeem himself in my eyes a bit later in the series, but not to where I could ever see him with Ma Zhai Xing. I don’t think that’s the sort of treatment one can ever redeem in a relationship. He might be able to redeem himself, but not the relationship. There are some lines, once crossed between people, that one can never come back from.

I actually felt that Yao Ji was a much better match for Prince Bo than the princess was. They were true equals with similarly difficult pasts, and similarly dark deeds to redeem themselves from. They were in so many ways perfect for each other.

Ji Chong and Ma Zhai Xing were a better match because they were more natural equals in terms of personality, values and life paths. There were tremendous parallels between the two of them. Although I ended up feeling she didn’t deserve him.

So for me, it was really difficult to get invested in the love stories I was presented with. Ultimately I found them all very unsatisfying. The people I wanted to see together were treated as unsuitable for each other in ways that were completely unbelievable, and the people I was expected to want to see together had unconvincing chemistry and incompatibilities that I couldn’t overlook.

Seeing Ma Zhai Xing die in the end was an OUTRAGE. Especially when I read about the director’s rationale for that decision.

“Her thought process on killing off “Zhai Xing” was that “King Bo” had done so much for her that it was time for her to do something for him. “Her character had matured the most in the series. Dying for Wolf Boy is the best ending for this identity of hers. To me, this perfect ending is even more in line with her character’s growth.””

I found that shocking. I couldn’t disagree more with this sentiment. She wasted so much of herself and her life for Prince Bo. He treated her like crap, and he didn’t ever truly do anything to redeem himself from that behavior. He should have been the one to die.

In my opinion, REAL character growth for Ma Zhai Xing would have been to see her overcome the fixation with Wolf Boy and with Prince Bo and just move on with her life.

I will say this, though: By the time Ma Zhai Xing died in the show, her character had already been so utterly and thoroughly decimated beyond all recognition via the Prince Bo housewife trajectory that there was no point in her surviving.

The absolute worst moment for me, though, was Ji Chong ending up with Bao Na. Talk about adding insult to injury. This is the one thing that Ji Chong did as a character that ran against my understanding of him as a character.

You could have done anything at all to Ji Chong, including killing him or turning him into a villain, and it would have been less of an insult to me than putting him with Bao Na.

I do try to interpret his invitation for them to travel together in a non-romantic way (despite the fact that in the world of the show there’s no way that a princess is going to go traveling with a prince without her reputation being ruined unless they are a couple). But when I tell myself that he took her traveling to get her away from court and give her some life experience - as friends only - then it becomes less of a bitter pill to swallow. I could see him doing that for her, and I could see them developing a strong friendship through their travels.

I just can’t see them as remotely romantically compatible. Not on any level.

I found it completely unconvincing that the most emotionally mature, honorable person in the entire series who had the healthiest boundaries and a lot of worldly experience and intelligence, would have any interest whatsoever in someone as emotionally immature, childish and inexperienced (and with no boundaries whatsoever) as Bao Na.

I would have preferred it if they’d framed that whole thing as him being a sort of big brother/mentor figure to her.

I felt like I saw chemistry and compatibility between Bao Na and Fourth Prince Chu You Ze, and I would have loved to see them end up together. They were much more at an equal footing. I was expecting that to be the outcome and it would have been a sweet one. They would have made a cute couple.

Final thoughts

The romances in this story seemed fixated on unhealthy, often misogynistic power imbalances and they were really, really hard to watch. Not just in terms of Prince Bo and Ma Zhai Xing but also the ugly Ji Chong and Princess Bao Na hookup they tried to get me to swallow at the end. I hate that kind of ‘love’ story. I prefer seeing actual equals find each other in the great wide world.

However, pretty much everything else about the series was excellent. Ji Chong owns my heart and I only wish I could see more of him. GG completely blew me away and far exceeded all of my expectations.

Overall, I really love this series and will definitely be rewatching it.

[janeyseymour]

Dangerous Desires- pt 7

chapter 1. chapter 2. chapter 3. chapter 4. chapter 5. chapter 6.

Kat gets into some trouble and school, and Jane has to take care of the aftermath.

Katherine Howard liked to blend in with the walls at school. Considering she had already been through 14 schools since beginning kindergarten at age five and she was only sixteen, it was just easier that way- it’s not like she made any friends she would keep in touch with anyway.

But after the last house, and switching into a school that was known for being rather snobbish, to say the teen had anxiety about going to this school was an understatement.

It had been a few weeks since she started living with Jane, and so far she had just blended in for the first week in this school. That’s how she liked it. Well, until this day. It started the second she walked into the homeroom. She had been in this area before, but that was when everyone was younger and kids were a fair degree nicer. Now, they were cold and cruel and didn’t care.

“Kat Howard’s back,” she heard one of the students in the hallway tell his friend.

“Not for long. You know how that girl bounces around. Such a shame, she’s a pretty little thing,” the friend, presumably a jock and flirt, snorted.

“Of course that’s what you’re thinking about,” the first boy smacked the other upside the head. “She is hot though. But are you willing to shack up with someone who isn’t a virgin?”

“I mean,” the second male shrugged. “She’s hot. And besides, we don’t know if that rumor’s true or not.”

“Of course it’s true man. You’ve seen her. Plays the whole innocence card until she doesn’t and then she dips and leaves for another school. There’s no way she hasn’t lost it.”

(It wasn’t true. Katherine was indeed a virgin, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t escaped the terrible and ruthless rumors from the last school she was at.)

Looks of disgust and judgement were thrown her way throughout the day, but she only continued to do her best to be invisible.

And it was working- until lunchtime came around.

The girl was sitting by herself at lunch as she had done so for the past week, when she was so rudely interrupted by a girl slamming her hand down on the table hard enough to make Katherine practically jump out of her seat.

“You’re Kat Howard, right?” A preppy girl leaned down so that she was eye-level with the skittish teen.

“Uhm,” Kat worried her lip through her teeth.

“You are, aren’t you? Or do you not know?” the snobby girl laughed in distaste. Kat nodded mutely.

“Well, listen here.” She jabbed Katherine in the chest with her perfectly manicured finger. “Stay away from my man, or you’ll have it coming for you.”

“I-” Kat stuttered. “I don’t even know who you are?”

“How could you not know who I am? Oh, is it because all you’ve done for the past however many years is bounce around from foster home to foster home?”

“I-I’m sorry,” was all the girl could muster out.

“Yeah, you better be fucking sorry. My boyfriend was talking about you earlier, and I swear to God if I ever hear your name come out of his mouth again-”

“Hey, Kaylie, what’s going on over here?” A teacher interrupted.

“Nothing Mr! Just greeting the new student!” The girl, who she now knew was named Kaylie, smiled sweetly at the teacher who had come to intervene. The teacher seemed satisfied with this answer and began to back away.

With the teacher gone, the preppy teen had gotten far too close to Katherine for comfort.

“If I ever see you around my boyfriend again,” she sneered. “I will fuck you up more than any other foster home has before. That’s a promise.”

Kaylie stood upright, smoothed out her skirt, and plastered on a sinister smile. “Have a good day now, and welcome to the school!” she exclaimed loudly before skipping away.

Katherine, on the other hand, was frozen in her spot. She knew how cruel high school students could be, but she never thought they would stoop so low. And what Kaylie had threatened, well it terrified her honestly. The house that she was in before Jane- it royally fucked her over and left her more terrified than she had thought possible.

Feelings of anxiety and panic were overwhelming the young girl, and it was clear to her that she was about to spiral more than she would ever like to, much less in a public area of the school. Her brain told her to get up and run to the bathroom- the nurse’s office- the front office- anywhere. But her feet stuck to the ground below her as though she was being weighed down by concrete.

The next thing she knew, people, who she could only assume in her haze were teachers, were picking her up from her spot at the table. She came back around just enough to feel their hands on her body- hands touching her in places that teachers really shouldn’t have been. Hands that reminded her of-

She heard screaming. A piercing scream that was louder than she had ever heard before. And then she realized the high pitched shrieks were coming from her. She didn’t know she even had it in her anymore to fight like this. She thought it had been beaten out of her a long time ago. With this newfound voice of hers, she began to try to fight her way out of it, thrashing about like a wild animal trying to escape its predator.

“Let her go!” a new, more gentle voice called out from the distance. “It’s clear that this girl is having a panic attack, and I’m sure a bunch of hands on her is the last thing she needs right now! Let her go, and back away from her!” The last sentence echoed through the cafeteria, and the hands slowly let her go.

“Katherine, yes?” the gentle voice spoke from a distance. “It’s Nurse Mack. I need you to give me any sort of signal that you can hear me, okay?” Katherine didn't respond in fear. “Katherine, dear?”

When the teen didn't respond again, she heard one of the teachers who had their hands on her curse, “Jesus Christ Courtney! She’s just being insubordinate!”

“I need all of you to leave,” she stated finitely. When she was met with varying degrees of objection, her voice turned smooth with honey, but the words she spoke were threatening. “Out, or I will report you to the principal and the police for having your hands all over this young girl’s body. Surely, you don’t want that? Yes?”

In her haze, Katherine could tell that this woman truly was trying to help her. It wasn’t some sort of sick and twisted joke to lure her into a false sense of security. When the others had left, she tried to take a deep breath in attempts to ground herself. It would come out shaky, but it was better than feeling as though she was suffocating.

“That’s it honey, yeah. Can you try to take another deep breath for me?” The nurse continued to coach her through her panic. Eventually, she had calmed down enough for the nurse to be able to speak to her effectively.

“Alright love, do you think we could take a walk down to my office? You can lie down there until you’re feeling a bit better,” Ms. Mack offered. Katherine nodded and stood on wobbly legs.

When the two entered the office, the girl wasn’t quite sure what to do, so she stood in the door frame for a few moments.

“Would you like to lie down?” Katherine shook her head no. “Okay dear. How about you just sit with me for a few moments. I just have a couple phone calls to make.” The nurse pulled up a chair next to hers and gestured to it kindly before dialing a number on the phone.

“Hi, is this Jane Seymour? ...Yes, it’s Courtney... I’m well, thank you. I do have Katherine down in my office and I have a feeling the school will be calling you if they haven’t- oh, wonderful.” The teen couldn't miss the sarcasm dripping in the nurse’s voice. “She had a panic attack, and I haven’t been able to talk to Henry yet, but I do suspect he’s going to try to get her into some trouble as he does with the foster kids... I know, it’s horrible. I’ll do my best to stand up for Katherine, but I am afraid I’m on thin ice with him as of lately... coddling the children, or at least that’s what he’s calling it... yes. I’ll see you soon, thanks. Bye.”

“You called my foster placement?” Katherine looked up curiously once the nurse had hung up the phone. “I did. Not to get you into trouble or anything. Jane and I have had correspondence in the past, and I find it’s usually best if I chat with her first. Not because she’ll be mad or anything, no she would never be. It’s for reasons above you- she and the principal have a not-so-great past, and if she has background knowledge of what's-” the phone ringing interrupted Miss Mack. She stole a glance at the caller ID before groaning.

“Hi, yes, this is Miss Mack, and- well yes, I do have Katherine... she wasn’t being insubordinate, she was having a panic attack and should not be repri-... for what I’m not sure, but it’s clear she was not okay and... yes Dr. Tudor. I’ll bring her when she’s feeling better... she’s still not very responsive and I do think that... okay, okay. I’ll bring her down. Thank you, bye.” The nurse placed the phone back on its dock, not even trying to hide her annoyance with the principal.

“This damned school couldn’t give half a shit about anyone here but their grades,” she

muttered under breath.

She turned to face the poor girl next to her with a solemn look. “Unfortunately, I have to

take you down to the front office. I’ll do my best to defend you, but the worst thing that should happen is you’ll be given detention.” Katherine nodded slowly before allowing herself to be led to the office.

“Katherine Howard, only been here for a few weeks and already causing trouble,” the principal addressed her not-so-kindly. “Should’ve listened to the other principals in the surrounding schools I suppose. I’ve already called your foster mother and she’s on her way to-”

“No!” was the first thing that had come out of the girl’s mouth since the whole incident had occurred. “She had a really important meeting today and-”

“It’s already been handled. She’s on her way now to pick you up and see you through. For your insubordination, you’re being suspended for the rest of the week.”

Many thoughts swirled around Katherine’s mind. Would Jane be mad? Would she hit her? Would she throw her out of the house? Or maybe, considering how kind Jane had been so far, would she get a talking to and that be that?

“Sir, if I may,” Miss Mack interrupted. “I have to try to explain again that she was not being insubordinate on purpose. She was having a panic attack, and when I got to the cafeteria, some of the other male teachers had their hands on her and-”

“Are you instigating that the other teachers were the cause of this, Miss Mack?”

“No sir,” she stated. “What I’m saying is she was clearly already in the midst of her panic when these men came towards her and only continued to make the situation worse for her. If you would please-”

“I’d advise you to stop talking now Courtney. You’re already on thin ice, and another strike against you and you could be-”

“Dr. Tudor? Ms. Seymour is here now. Should I bring her in or?” the receptionist stated quietly, eyes veering anywhere but towards the principal.

“Bring her in.” The receptionist stepped aside for the blonde to march herself. Somehow, the woman looked just as wonderful as she had when she walked out the door that morning, albeit a bit frazzled.

“Hi love,” Jane’s warm eyes met fearful ones, but one glance at her and the teen couldn’t help but feel that maybe it would be okay after all. There was no malice behind the blue-grey eyes- there never was when she was looking at the girl. “We’ll sort this out, and then I’ll take you home, yes?” She turned to the principal.

“Henry,” she practically spat out, any trace of warmth now gone. “What is it?”

“Oh Jane, it’s always a pleasure,” a sinister smirk appeared on the principal’s face. “Is that really how you should act with your foster daughter in the room? You shouldn’t be mad at me- maybe your foster-”

“I doubt Kat did anything worth me leaving my meeting, and it's just your horrid management skills. Now,” she turned towards the nurse who had refused to leave the room. “Miss Mack, can you tell me what happened?”

The nurse began to explain what had happened before the principal interrupted, “This is my school Jane Seymour, and if I say she’s to be suspended, that’s what will happen. Miss Mack, go back to your office and mind your own damn business, or it would really be a shame for you to-” he was about to threaten firing her when the nurse simply held up a calm and steady hand.

“Yes sir.” With that, she turned to leave, but not before mouthing to the blonde, ‘I can’t afford to lose this job.’ Jane gave her a sympathetic smile and nod.

“She’s suspended for the next week, and I don’t want to hear anymore about Katherine refusing to listen to the directions of her teachers again, or she will face expulsion. Have I made myself clear?”

“Sure Henry,” the woman scoffed, not so much as giving him a second glance and instead running a gentle hand over her foster daughter’s- hoping and praying that she could signal that it didn’t matter what Henry had said; she was going to be just fine.

“Katherine?” The principal looked at her expectantly.

“Yes sir,” Katherine agreed lowly, head hung in shame.

The two had made it back to the house in silence. The teen wasn’t quite sure what to make of Jane. She had expected to be yelled at within the first ten seconds of getting into the car, but it never came. She was expecting glares to be shot at her whenever the older woman could get a chance. She was even expecting to possibly be struck by what was usually such a soft hand. But it never came. Silence had washed over them, but it wasn’t a terrible silence. Daggers never shot from the blonde’s eyes; every once in a while, Katherine would lift her head slightly to take a look at the woman next to her only to be met with the same blue-grey eyes filled with more love and compassion than she could ever imagine. A hint of concern was mixed in there, but the teen chose to see the warmth mostly. The soft hand that had found its way over Katherine’s in the office never once left; the warm and kind hand had held on tight, without an ounce of selfishness to it-, all in attempts to convey silently that everything would be alright.

Jane only let go of her sweet girl’s hand when she made moves to get out of the car, but Katherine stayed still.

“Honey, are you ready to go inside?” The older woman asked when she noticed the teen had yet to even unbuckle her seatbelt. The look of uncertainty in the girl’s eyes was confused and wary- almost as if... almost as if she was expecting Jane to yell at her and beat her once they were behind closed doors. “We don’t have to of course. If you’re comfortable out here, we can stay out here.” The blonde settled herself back into the car, prepared to sit with her girl for as long as she needed. She gently stretched her hand back out over Katherine’s.

The two sat in silence for quite some time. There was no, “Enough of this Katherine. You’re being silly. Let’s go inside.” No, Jane Seymour was the most patient woman you would meet, and she was more than happy to sit in silence in her car for the time that Katherine needed.

They had been sitting in the car for just over two hours when the silence was broken with Katherine’s body betraying her and let out a small hiccup. Jane, who had recently begun to doze off in the car, groaned softly and allowed her eyes to glance over to the teen without the teen noticing. She was crying, and it appeared she had been crying since the blonde allowed herself to close her eyes. It was as if this sweet and innocent girl had learned how to cry silently- much practice was clear. The way her body shook so softly that if Jane hadn’t been paying attention, she may have never noticed it- even with her hand still holding Kat’s. The way there was no heavy breathing or choked out sobs like Jane tended to- just silent tears streaming steadily down the girl’s face as regularly as water flows through the stream.

“Kat? Love, what’s wrong?” Jane repositioned herself so she could get a better look at the girl in the passenger seat.

“Oh,” the teen jumped a bit in her seat as she wiped furiously at her tears. “You’re awake! I'm fine. We can go in now.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t want to push you, but it’s clear you’re not okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wa-”

“I’m so sorry,” Katherine practically threw herself at the woman. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated over and over, openly weeping now.

Jane, who had opened up her arms and was now awkwardly leaning over the armrest to embrace the girl, just gently shushed her and murmured soft and sweet nothings to the girl until she had calmed down a bit.

“How about we go inside, prepare dinner, and then we can talk? It might be a tad more comfortable than the car?” the blonde suggested lightly. Katherine nodded solemnly, but hesitantly.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, but-”

“No,” Kat stated firmly. “We can. I’m being silly.”

“I’m sure you have good reason as to why you wanted to stay in the car so long, dear,” Jane affirmed. “But, if you’re ready, let’s get going. I was thinking of making your favorite casserole tonight?” The shy blush and smile that appeared on Katherine’s face made Jane’s heart melt.

The two had sat down after preparing dinner together, Kat’s chair much closer to Jane than she had ever dared to be before.

“So love, we do have to talk about what happened today,” Jane spoke softly after she swallowed her mouthful. Kat nodded slowly. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

The teen launched into her story, every so often looking at the woman before her to see if there were any signs of annoyance or agitation. There never was.

“I’m just- I’m really sorry you had to miss your meeting. I know it was a big meeting with your boss for your promotion, and I’m sure I got you into trouble, and I-”

“Well, I won’t lie to you: my boss wasn’t very happy about me leaving so suddenly, but he knows that any foster child that is in my house comes before a blasted job. And love, your mental wellbeing is more important to me than any sort of promotion I could or could not get,” Jane told her softly.

“That’s what you say now,” Kat muttered under her breath, but the blonde picked up on it.

“I want you to hear me out on this Kat. I know you’ve heard it in the past, but I truly mean it. You matter more to me than anything else in my life. All of the kids who have been through my house hold a very special place in my heart, and you are no different,” she spoke in a gentle but firm tone.

‘You are different though. You’re so much different than any other child,’ Jane added in her head.

“But it was such a stupid reason to get pulled from work. You’re not even like, slightly mad?”

“It’s not a stupid reason at all, sweetheart. You can't help the panic that stormed its way through your body,” Jane sighed before admitting the next part, “And, I understand because sometimes I get them too.”

“You do?” Kat looked astonished. No foster parent that she had ever lived with before had ever admitted to being anything less than... Well, no foster parent had ever admitted to her that they also struggled sometimes. She knew they did, but no one had ever blatantly admitted it before. Jane nodded silently, a sign that it would be something they would speak about later.

“I do. So I understand the feeling. And I know that you would never do anything purposefully to get me out of that meeting.”

“So, you’re not upset? Not mad? Not going to yell and scream at me? Not hit me?” Kat asked so casually that it truly made Jane’s mouth fall wide open in shock.

“Of course not honey.” Jane’s eyes went wide. “Is that- is that why you didn’t want to get out of the car?”

“Everything’s hidden behind closed doors,” Kat sighed, eyes dulled and slightly glazed over. “It’s happened before.”

“I will never, ever lay a finger on you that isn't full of love and care. It won’t ever happen. And I rarely raise my voice. It happens, yes- I’ll admit to that. But it’s few and far between, and even if I get frustrated with you: I will never strike you. Not now, not ever. That’s a promise, my sweet girl.” The blonde understood these fears. She hadn’t lived Katherine’s life, but anger and violence was seemingly all she knew. Jane knew she had already promised herself to show Katherine a different light before, but she promised herself again in that moment.

“O-Okay,” the teen’s eyes came back to life. “I’m not in trouble or anything? You don’t like... want to take away my phone or something?”

“No dear. You’re not in any trouble at all. You didn’t do anything wrong, and that principal is just an idiot,” the woman scoffed. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that... bullshit.”

A present day Jane was lovingly stroking her soon-to-be daughter’s hair listening to her tell the tale when she felt a laugh being suppressed against her night shirt.

“What’s so funny young lady?” Jane sounded mock-annoyed, making sure to make it evident she was joking.

“It’s just... that was the first time I had ever heard you curse. It was pretty funny,” Kat continued to giggle softly.

“Well, I suppose it can be quite funny when those who don’t have mouths like a sailor curse,” Jane mused. “So love, what was the point of that story?”

“You didn’t give up on me that day either. Most would’ve dropped me right back off at the social services office claiming they couldn’t handle such a trouble maker. But you, you didn’t,” although she knew Jane never would, there was a hint of confusion laced in her soft voice.

“Well of course not. I would never dream of it,” Jane stated clearly.

“You were the first foster parent I lived with who heard me out.”

“Every child deserves to have their voice heard, especially in situations like that.”

“You were the first ever foster parent to admit to me that you weren’t perfect.”

“No one’s perfect, love.”

“Well, I know that. But, everyone just likes to pretend that they’re perfect, and then they show that they aren’t. You... you admit that you aren’t perfect, and yet you still are the closest thing to perfect that I’ve ever seen,” Kat smiled up at her soon-to-be mother, moving impossibly closer into her hold.

Jane sighed, pressing yet another gentle kiss to the teen’s hairline. “Well, that’s very sweet of you, but you and I both know I’m not perfect. Far from it. By you my dear, you are a gift to me and this world. Imperfections and all, I would never dare to lose you.”

[bonjour-rainycity]

The Long Way Around ~ Chapter 6

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623283543296049154/the-long-way-around-chapter-5

Pairing: Jasper x Reader

Word count: 1954

Warnings: None

Jasper’s POV

I sigh, trying to concentrate on the papers before me. Once Y/n came into our lives, I had decided to halt my studies at school. She arrived during the summer so it wasn’t like anyone would notice my sudden, and perhaps suspicious, disappearance from class, but my family agreed that we could really only afford for one or two of us to deviate from our cover story. So once classes resumed in the fall, all but I continued attendance at the local university. Once she found out, Y/n had lamented at my loss of education and insisted I continue studying at least something of interest. She didn’t seem to understand how little a year or two out of school would affect me, given how many times I’ve gone through both high school and varying post-graduate degrees. But still, the gesture was kind so I agreed and have sent spent a few hours every day since that conversation brushing up on my world history. Right now I’m camped in the basement where we keep our extensive library (excluding the volumes found in Carlisle’s office and our individual rooms) digging through first-hand accounts of Otto von Bismarck’s rise to influence. It’s interesting enough, but still, my attention is elsewhere. At least half of my focus is upstairs, carefully monitoring Y/n’s moods. She’s become much more even as time passes, but still, not keeping tabs on her makes me nervous. Newborns are so unpredictable and so reliant on their emotions that at any moment, she could react badly and cause herself or someone else harm. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s just that I know how this goes. And I would hate myself if anything happened to my family or Y/n, especially if I could have done something to prevent it.

She’s been struggling recently with missing her family and friends, and that’s always difficult. For most of us, we had been immediately taken away from our loved ones plus had been changed during a time when news recordings and social media didn’t exist. Y/n does not have that luxury. At least once a week, she’ll find some news source with reports from her parents or come across a social media page of one of her friends. It breaks her heart. Secretly, I had gone to Carlisle and discussed the benefits of moving. It only adds to Y/n’s pain being only a handful of miles from the people she loves, and perhaps moving away would aid in her healing. But Carlisle shot the idea down, citing our advantageous location and the dangers of moving cross-country with a volatile newborn. So, instead, I sought to distract her. One of the reasons she felt bad about stopping my schooling is because her own had been paused suddenly due to her untimely death. So, I loaned her a few of my old textbooks, which she has been studying relentlessly. Carlisle also offered his services, and it’s not uncommon to find Y/n perched in one of the chairs in his office grilling him about everything under the medical sun. All in all, she’s adjusting well. Still, I worry. At the drop of a dime, her control could slip or her emotions could get the best of her. That’s why, when I feel her switch from a relaxed, curious state to one of annoyance, I take notice, and listen.

“You really need to let your human life go, Y/n. At this point, you’re only dragging out your own pain. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway. That life is as lost to you as your soul.”

Now I feel annoyance at my brother’s predictable morose attitude. Even to this day, Edward grapples with losing humanity and, according to him, his soul, and often pushes those feelings onto others. As far as I can tell, Y/n doesn’t believe vampirism has damned her, and I would like to keep Edward from putting those thoughts in her head. They simply aren’t true.

Y/n responds with a biting tone. “They’re my loved ones, Edward, not yours. Please don’t tell me how to deal with losing them. If you don’t like my thoughts, stay out of my head.”

Rosalie chimes in, always interested in fighting with Edward. “Really, Edward, back off. You’re the one who helped Bella keep her precious humans in our life and risked our exposure, so you’ve no room to talk here.” It was the wrong thing to say. Y/n’s anger flares.

“Hypocrite! That is such a double standard!”

I feel Edward’s anger increase too, and I know they’re filling a keg with powder and readying their matches. I hurry upstairs.

“It’s different. Bella was going through a lot and-”

“And I’m not?” Y/n’s incredulity is plain.

Rosalie scoffs.“What precious Bella wants, she gets. The rest of us are expected to live by a different set of rules.”

“Okay guys, let’s take this down a notch.” Emmett intervenes as I get to the top of the stairs.

“I agree.”

Y/n’s eyes flicker to mine, and I register her guilt. Why?

Whatever’s in her mind causes Edward to scoff. “You’re not bothering him with your emotions, he lives for this stuff. It makes him feel like he has some kind of purpose.”

“You are so pessimistic,” Y/n groans, putting her head in her hands. “Whatever. I am not doing this anymore. I’m going for a walk. Jasper?”

Immediately, I’m at her side, not even needing to think about joining her. It’s just natural, at this point, to be with her.

She smiles tightly as we walk out the back door, and I can tell she’s trying to calm herself down. “Sorry I interrupted your studying.”

I shrug, honestly not bothered at all. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to get outside….The leaves are just starting to change.”

Now, her smile becomes much more natural. “Aren’t they gorgeous? It’s even better now that I can see them with these new eyes. And I can hear the crunch when I step on them and the smell of fall is just,” she sighs, a dreamy look in her eye. But then I feel the sadness creep back in.

I’m hesitant to ask, not wanting to upset her further. “Are you alright?”

She bites the inside of her cheek and looks away. When she finally speaks again, her voice is unsteady. “I just really, really miss my family. It’s hard to leave them and come to terms with…what I am. And of course I’m so grateful that I have all of you,—well,” she chuckles darkly, “today I could do without Edward but that’s beside the point.” She trails off, lost in her thoughts.

I look into the horizon, enjoying the light of the setting sun but regretting the added sadness she’s suffered on behalf of my brother. “I’m sorry he upset you. I can talk to him tomorrow-”

“Oh, that’s alright,” she waves a hand, smiling softly. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with your siblings? Argue?”

I chuckle, nodding. We certainly do argue.

She turns to face me then, stopping her walking. “Thank you though.”

The sunlight filters through the trees, hitting our skin and illuminating us. She gasps softly, and I sense her wonderment. She’s seen what the sun does to our skin many times, but it never ceases to amaze her. It’s really sweet. Slowly, she reaches up and lightly trails her fingers over the side of my face where the sun hits. I freeze, not wanting to make any movement that would cause her to stop. I enjoy her touch much more than I would like to admit. It feels so nice to be handled so softly, compared to the harshness I’d become accustomed to in my past. I close my eyes.

“Beautiful,” she breathes, letting her hand fall.

I smile, enjoying this moment. “It is one of the more mesmerizing attributes of this life.”

Now, I feel her playfulness. “You know what else is great? The speed.”

My mood soon matches hers. “Wanna race?”

She frowns, turning in the direction of the house. “Oh, no I think we should-”

And then she’s off, laughing wildly. I shake my head, realizing I’ve just been tricked and, with a laugh of my own, take off at a sprint after her.

{***}

“Jasper,” she starts, sitting down on the rock next to me. “Where are all the other vampires?”

“All over, really, though most tend to avoid especially sunny cities.” I shake water from the river off my hands. A few seconds prior, I’d reached in to grab some pebbles to skip. “We’re the largest coven in the area. Anyone else around here is likely a loner or part of a nomad coven.”

She pauses, thinking. “Doesn’t anyone ever come to visit?”

“Very rarely, and Alice can sometimes give us some warning, though not always. But the nomads that visit usually leave very quickly. We don’t allow them to hunt in this area, as it could raise suspicion and cause problems for us. That tends to make extended stays unappealing.”

“Well, what about friends?”

I smirk. “Vampires don’t really have friends.”

This confuses her. “Then what are you and your family? You’re certainly not just acquaintances.”

I smile, thinking of the best way to explain the complicated relationships between vampires. “Let me rephrase: most vampires don’t have friends. Carlisle theorizes that, because we don’t drink human blood, we’re less animalistic, a little less reliant on our instincts. Instincts that, under normal circumstances, would keep us from forming bonds because other vampires generally pose a threat to getting a meal.” She nods, understanding. “Because we are slightly more, human, for a lack of a better word, we do enjoy friendships and closer relationships, like I have with my adopted siblings. Realistically, though, that’s not how it works at all. For normal vampires, the only type of close relationship they experience is between mates. Those relationships last forever though, so I guess it’s enough to satisfy the need for connection.”

Y/n raises her eyebrows, disbelieving. “You’re telling me immortal vampires are monogamous for life?”

I chuckle. “Apparently, once you find the right one it’s just natural. I’ve seen it happen, felt the feelings they feel. It’s intense.”

She considers this, but says nothing further. Until, “have you ever felt that way?”

Subconsciously, I study the scars on my hands. “I thought I did.”

“With Maria,” she guesses. Y/n knows most of my history, so it’s no surprise that she’s able to put the pieces together of my involvement with Maria. Strangely, I find myself wishing that I could say no, that I’ve never been with with anyone like that. Or, at least, that I’d never been involved with Maria like that.

“Have you,” I counter to distract from my sudden regret.

She shakes her head, a soft smile playing on her lips. “My human memories are fading by the day, but I’m pretty sure the answer is no. My twenty years of life were nothing to write home about.”

Now it’s my turn to smile, somewhat ruefully. “You’ve got millennia ahead of you. I’m sure at least something notable will occur.”

She chuckles, shrugging. “Perhaps. For now, I should just focus on making it through the rest of this year.”

“We’ll get you through it,” I answer, confident.

She hugs her knees into her chest, feeling peaceful. “I believe you.” Then, her playfulness returns. “But step one should be feeding me, because I’m starving.”

I chuckle, stand, and offer her a hand. She grabs it, allowing me to pull her up. “Lead the way.”

A/n Let me know what you thought of this chapter/the characters and if you would like to be added to the tag list! I hope you all have a good day/night <3

xx, 

Bjr

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623476978292555776/the-long-way-around-chapter-7

Tag list: @puer-de-infinitate @charliestuff @hindustani-diaspora @one-thread-can-save-a-life @salsameter @enchantedcruelsummer @meashy-moo

[foxymoxynoona]

Ok Foxy, a little (edit: lot) bit of analysis because your analysis on OCs vs. JKs got me thinking and also you said you're enjoying and interested in reading it...

I wonder if the responses to sex are very much: Sasha is regressing while JK is exploring. I will admit this is a wild thing to posit because of course Sasha is showing regression here, she slept with a man who previously caused her harm and helped (in conjunction with the India trip) start the spiral and panic attacks. She's going for rock bottom and not really acknowledging it.

I would argue that while JK is exploring, he's also spiraling and regressing too. Both can be true at once. It's just that he's never had a chance to spiral (to our knowledge, other than after Ji-yu, but after Sasha is a whole other kind of spiral, I think). So we don't know what that looks like for him. We likely will get a better idea next chapter.

In terms of the likelihood of an STD(s), it's JK because he's taking more opportunities for exposure to an STD and might in the future not include protection. Plus condoms aren't a get-out-of-jail-free card for STDs, however they do reduce risk. (Truly have all the sex, I don't mean to sex shame, but I wanted to point out probability.)

One other thing I'll comment on: are we too harsh on Dom and Michele? Truly, at my darkest deepest moments, my friends were not able snap me out of it. They noticed to varying degrees and helped with support or didn't but I had to notice. I had to take the initiative and act of pulling myself out. That's not to say they cannot support but I brush harshly up against the idea that they should have noticed sooner or would have and could help her snap out of it. Flatly: no. If the person spirally cannot see it for themselves and acknowledge it (which is where I thing Sasha is outwardly and in what she says), there's no chance for recovery of self and getting to, even at minimum, baseline. Subconsciously, I think she realizes and that's why she pulled the plug with JK.

Subconscious Sasha: "No one ever sticks around when it gets this bad for me, time to cut him lose, especially when my feeling is I'm here to help and show him things and I legit cannot do that right now and take care of him and myself...not that I'm even doing that." Also pair that with "he's getting too close to my truths" and "I am relying on him too much and I'm scsred" and "I cannot see us continuing in a way that's healthy for both of us" plus a million other subconscious thoughts I don't even know yet. (Sasha has a lot of thoughts at once; more than me.)

And we haven't even gotten to JK or his hyungs. Where is the (other than JK's own annoyance and frustration) the condemnation of his hyungs? If we use the same rubric to grade them as we do for Dom and Michele, shouldn't they have pushed him to question Sasha more and find out the underlying things that might contribute to her reactions on varying occasions? Do they enable some of JK's worst behaviors? By encouraging him to think selfishly about what he wants (300 days, Kwang-su party) because of the restrictive nature of his job, do they set him up to fail to be a helpful, supportive boyfriend to Sasha? This first time they've curbed JK was when he risked their safe image in Japan.

There's lots of areas to examine here, which is why I really love reading your stories. I can be very black and white with my morality but you force me to live in the gray in a small way.

🎉

Behind cut for length

The difference between the hyungs vs. Michele/Dom is an interesting one too (I will just add one tidbit, which is that Jungkook and the hyungs have been closer and for longer than Sasha has been with either Michele or Dom)! The only real spirals the hyungs have seen were after Ji-yu, and after JK got hurt (that IRL incident, which I've seen JK say in interviews he went to a dark place after). Safe to safe those two were slightly different than the undoing of his relationship with Sasha for a number of reasons. Safe to also say, this means JK doesn't really have a lot of practice in dealing with this kind of personal pain. His intimate world is small and has remained largely unchanged since he came to Seoul. And because his relationship with Sasha included a lot of his own identity exploration... this is more than just a breakup with a girlfriend.

🥰 hugs about your darkest moment. Same with me; I had various people telling me they were worried about me, and other people not noticing at all, and it really took me one day sitting on the swing set watching my kids play and feeling absolutely nothing about them that made me realize fuck, something is very wrong, this is not the way I used to be, how do I not even feel love or joy about my children?? And even then, it took my brother making me a doctor's appointment from Japan to actually get me to go in. I did not understand what chemical imbalance does to your brain until I experienced it.

I think the hyungs have always been unsure about what to make of Sasha. I think it was Namjoon who said something about how she's smarter than them so they might not even notice if she was up to something. They like her, but they don't always trust her, but sometimes she seemed so good for JK, but other times her mysteriousness led to red flags. They adore JK and probably are biased and enabling because who could possibly not love him in exactly the right and best and perfect way? Just like with Ji-yu where we will never know the "truth," but they maintain that Ji-yu was out of control while JK says he was partially to blame (is he taking credit he shouldn't? or did he really do some problematic things his hyungs just don't hold him accountable for?)

But I think the most important thing you said is this: "Both can be true at once." Years ago I had a therapist tell me I wasn't ever allowed to use the word "but" when talking about me feelings, only "and" because emotions aren't opposites and you can feel what seem like conflicting emotions at the same time. An act can be the result of multiple motives. Something can be both healthy and bad for someone simultaneously. I don't write absolutes because I don't believe in them!

OK thakn you for all this, it made me so happy to read <3 <3 <3 it really did

[missfangirll]

Living love in slow motion

Fandom: SCI Mystery

Relationship: Zhan Yao / Bai Yutong

Words: 2248

Tags: Fluff, Pining, Idiots in Love, Zhan Yao is dense, Getting together, First Kiss

Summary: “I have loved you since we were eighteen.”

Read on AO3

“I have loved you since we were eighteen.”

Zhan Yao blinked slowly and tried to ignore his heart that had begun pounding almost painfully against his ribs. He swallowed hard around the lump that had formed in his throat and opened his mouth to respond, but snapped it shut again immediately. What could he say to that?

[Two weeks ago]

“Cat, we are going to be late.” The annoyance in Bai Yutong’s voice was very obvious. “Again!” He huffed. “People are going to ask why we are late together,” he teased, and Zhan Yao answered with an eye-roll. Not that he particularly minded their team gossiping about them, but there hadn’t been anything to gossip about. He wouldn't have minded that either, but he knew better than to make a move on Bai Yutong. They had been friends longer than he could remember and he had watched an endless parade of girlfriends march past during those years, but he had never seen any hint of his friend being anything other than straight. So he had buried his feelings under snarkiness and sarcasm and went on to study other people’s feelings rather than his own.

“Dammit, Cat, will you hurry up!” Zhan Yao had to suppress a grin at the tone and shut the bathroom door behind him. “I’m finished, you can stop shouting.” He stuck out his tongue at the other. “We’re not even that late.” Bai Yutong laughed. “Very mature, Cat. Come on, let’s go.”

When they arrived at the office – with 30 seconds to spare, Zhan Yao noted with a smug grin – nobody even looked up from their work. He nodded to Bai Yutong and made his way to his office, slightly dreading the pile of paperwork he would find there. They hadn’t had an urgent case for a few days and while Zhan Yao was grateful for the less stressful days, he sometimes caught himself wishing for a murder, just to escape his desk for an afternoon. Sighing, he sat down to face the dragon of bureaucracy once more.

A light knock startled him out of a daydr--, of writing a report and he looked up to see Bai Yutong standing in the doorway. “Lunch?”, the mouse asked with a grin and Zhan Yao nodded hastily. “Let me just find my wallet,” he said while digging through the junk on his desk. “Naah, don’t worry,” Bai Yutong said with a wave of his hand. “I’ll buy you lunch.” Zhan Yao raised an eyebrow at him, but Bai Yutong had turned around already, so Zhan Yao hurried to follow him.

[Ten days ago]

Zhan Yao couldn’t feel his feet anymore. Well, scratch that, he could feel them, but he really would have preferred not to. He was sore everywhere and he was pretty sure he’d feel even worse tomorrow. After running after a suspect for what felt like a week, they had finally managed to corner and arrest him. (He really needed to work out more, but he would rather bite his tongue off than admit that to Bai Yutong who had been nagging him for years about this.)

Zhan Yao groaned, toeing off his shoes and carelessly discarding his jacket next to the door. A huff from behind startled him. “Really, Cat?”, Bai Yutong mumbled and scooped up the jacket, putting it on the hook next to his own. Zhan Yao couldn't quite suppress a whine. “I am sore, Mouse, I’m not going to do anything right now beside laying on my sofa and not moving for a week.” Bai Yutong very obviously had to suppress a grin and just nodded at him. “Go, then. I’ll make you dinner.”

After that promised dinner Bai Yutong squeezed himself onto the sofa next to Zhan Yao, pulling the other’s legs in his lap. “What--,” Zhan Yao started, but the mouse just motioned him to lie back down. “You’ve been whining all evening that you’re sore. I’m just helping.” Zhan Yao bristled and sat up ready to argue, but sank back down when Bai Yutong started to knead his calves. He really could argue later, he thought, and closed his eyes, sinking into the touch.

[Four days ago]

“I just don't think this would work,” Zhao Fu said for a third time and shook his head. “We don't know anything about the suspect, why do you expect him to react like that? He has absolutely no reason to leave his house before the next delivery on Monday, all our research showed that.” He looked accusingly at Zhan Yao who had to fight his growing impatience. Because I am good at my job, he wanted to snap, but that probably wouldn't have convinced anyone, so he braced himself to yet again explain his reasoning, when he was interrupted.

“Because he is damn good at his job,” Bai Yutong said sternly and fixed his team members with a steely glare. Zhan Yao blinked at him. “He is the best psychology expert in this damn country and when he says the guy will leave, he will leave. We are going to do exactly what Professor,” he enunciated the title with so much emphasis that Zhan Yao almost flinched, “Zhan is suggesting.” He looked around. “Are we clear?” His team nodded confirmation in varying degrees of enthusiasm. “Yes, Bai Sir!” Bai Yutong frowned. “And?”

“Yes, Professor Zhan!”

Zhan Yao couldn't quite suppress the giddy feeling in his stomach and nodded firmly.

[Yesterday]

When Zhan Yao closed the large wooden doors behind him, he noticed three things. One, judging by the dark windows above him, he was yet again the last to leave the university perimeters and would have to bring the security a gift or something to apologise for their waiting for him. Second, now that he didn't have to worry about work and papers and students anymore, he noticed that he hadn’t eaten anything in thirteen hours and that Bai Yutong was probably going to scold him for that. The last thing he noticed, though, was a white figure standing just outside the main gates, leaning against a white muscle car and waving cheekily. His stupid heart gave a thump at the sight and he felt his face split into what must have looked like a goofy grin. Ducking his head to hide his smile, he made a beeline to Bai Yutong.

“Hey, Mouse” he greeted, “have you been waiting long? You shouldn’t have come, you know I always work late during exam period.” The other just smiled at him and stepped aside. “Doesn’t matter, I can wait a bit. Thought you probably haven't eaten anything and figured I’ll take you to dinner, that’s quicker than to cook something at home.”

Zhan Yao had to bite his tongue not to say something very stupid right then and there. How on earth did he deserve Bai Yutong? He just nodded and climbed into the car, a tiny smile on his face.

[Ten minutes ago]

“Cat, you can't do that. I’m begging you.” Bai Yutong’s tone matched his pleading expression and Zhan Yao cocked an eyebrow. “It’s a good idea, you said it yourself. We need a bait in the night club and I do look like the victims. Why can't I do that?”

Bai Yutong gave him a miserable look. “Yes, we need a bait, but not you. You can't be in there alone with…” He trailed off, looking away. “You just can't,” he finished not very convincingly.

“Mouse, that is not a reason.” Zhan Yao sighed. “I get that you’re concerned--” “You don't!” Zhan Yao flinched slightly and looked up, trying to meet the other’s gaze. “I don't what?”

Bai Yutong still didn't meet his eyes, stubbornly fixating the pillow between them. Zhan Yao suddenly had the very strong urge to cup his cheek and guide his face up to look at him, but smothered that instinct immediately. He wouldn't be distracted now.

“Mouse,” he tried again. “Mouse, look at me. Why can't I do that? It’s a good plan, you said it yourself. Why can't it be me?”

“Because you’re too important!”, the other snapped. “Because you don't have any experience in this! Because you’re you! Because I lo--,” he clamped his mouth shut abruptly and closed his eyes. Zhan Yao felt his heart drop in his stomach, leaving a raw and open wound behind. Did he just---?

“You what?”

Bai Yutong took a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself for that part of the conversation.

“I love you, Cat. I have loved you since we were eighteen.”

[Now]

Zhan Yao couldn't do anything than just stare helplessly at the other while he tried to get his roaring emotions under control. “I--,” he wheezed, but had to swallow around his dry throat. “But… but…. Girlfriends,” was all he could manage.

Bai Yutong gave him an unreadable look. “That is all you have to say?” He sighed and shook his head. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, shouldn’t have put that kind of pressure on you. I just was so scared that---”

“I love you.”

Bai Yutong clamped his mouth shut and stared. “But, you never. I thought..,” he trailed off, still look incredulously at Zhan Yao. Taking a shaky breath, he continued, “I thought you were asexual.”

Zhan Yao blinked at him, trying to bring his brain in order. “Why would you..? No, never mind. But you’ve had girlfriends all through university!”, he said, and it almost sounded accusing. “I mean, I never thought you were gay,” he tried to explain.

The other gave him a look. “I am not.” Zhan Yao closed his mouth with a smack. Bai Yutong grimaced and continued. “I am bi, Cat, always have been. I figured that out because I fell in love with you when we were eighteen.” His gaze softened. “It was at a Sanda competition you accompanied me to, and when I won, you grinned at me and hugged me and said you knew I’d win because I’m the best.” He smiled at the memory and Zhan Yao groaned. “I said something cheesy like that?”, he complained. “Shut up. It was then I thought I wanted to see that cheeky smile every day. But you never even so much at hinted that you might be interested, so I…” He shrugged, uncertainty in his eyes. “I had a few flings to distract myself, I guess.”

All of a sudden, Zhan Yao felt his heart climb back up in his chest, settling there with a thump he was sure the other could hear. He swallowed again. “But.. Why now?”

Bai Yutong gave him an incredulous look. “Are you kidding me?”, he asked, the fond exasperation in his tone Zhan Yao knew so well. “We are practically married, Cat. No, don't give me that look. We live together, we sleep in the same bed. I cook for you every day and we go out on dinner dates.” Zhan Yao just could stare at him when a whole movie of memories raced past his inner eye. Both of them cuddling on the sofa, watching a movie, his head in Bai Yutong’s lap. Bai Yutong cooking dinner in their tiny kitchen, Zhan Yao grading papers at the coffee table. Bai Yutong massaging his feet. Bai Yutong defending him in front of the team. Bai Yutong buying him lunch. Bai Yutong waiting for him in front of the university.

“Oh,” he managed quietly.

“Yes, oh,” the other said softly. “I thought, even when you don't want a relationship, I could just show you how much I love you by being there for you. I just never thought…” He trailed off and suddenly Zhan Yao couldn't bear not touching him. He leaned in, his hand reaching for the other’s cheek, stroking his thumb over Bai Yutong’s cheekbone.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” he murmured, and that was all it took. With a groan, Bai Yutong closed the distance between them, pressing their mouths together. Zhan Yao felt hot and cold all over, a shiver running down his spine when he felt the other’s tongue licking over his lips. He responded in kind and was rewarded with Bai Yutong pressing into him, his hand coming up to wave into Zhan Yao’s hair to hold him close.

When they parted to come up for air, Zhan Yao leaned his forehead against Bai Yutong’s and smiled."Married, huh?"

Bonus:

[An hour later]

“When did you know?”

Zhan Yao needed a moment to process the question, the pleasant warmth of Bai Yutong’s arms around him as they lay on the sofa pulling him back into the sleepy daze.

“Know what?”, he managed after a while.

“That you loved me.”

That woke him up. Leaning carefully on his elbows he glanced down at the other who was looking at him with open curiosity. He huffed a laugh. “Honestly?”

Bai Yutong raised an eyebrow at him. “No, Cat, please lie to me. Of course I want an honest answer.” He lightly nudged Zhan Yao with a knee.

The cat grinned. “I can't remember. I guess I have always been in love with you. I mean, you were the first person to notice the real me, not for what my parents were or what was expected of me. You just, I dunno, you saw me for me.” He shrugged.

Bai Yutong grinned delightedly. “And you say you’re not a romantic!”

“Shut up!”

[bbnibini]

PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – fifty-nine🔖

Reassurances did little for Satan to forgive his own blunders. You were at his side, attentive to the slightest changes of his expressions, intent on making him realise that he had not been at fault for what happened. The Purgatory Hall members did not comment on what they saw, and instead ushered everyone to their living room, asking for their preference of refreshments. Mammon seemed shaken by his brother’s outburst and was strangely quiet until Solomon sat next to him and enticed him to form a pact.

“An equivalent exchange for a moment of my time, don’t you think so?” The sorcerer smiled, any emotions or thoughts unreadable on his face. Mammon frowned, then looked at you as if he were betrayed; the sorcerer did not mention any catch on his agreements last night, attributing his generosity to drunkenness. You should have known better to believe him.

“Oh, you couldn’t take a joke, Avatar of Greed~ At least I tried~”

“Didn’t sound like a joke to me.”

You mouthed a sorry to Mammon, hearing him shout something about notebooks before your attention returned to Satan. Perhaps due to his outburst earlier, everyone’s eyes were focused on him, notes on their hand along with looks of expectation—no one was willing to speak first even if they wanted the study session to start. Lucifer’s warning was received in varying degrees: from indifference to outright opposition. You even heard Asmo say something about how unfair their firstborn was, expecting everyone to study together when he couldn’t even go. Then, you turned your attention to someone across from you.

“Simeon says he has an ice pack, Levi.” You tested. You weren’t sure if you were forgiven yet. He had defended you and seemed worried about you last night, but you would honestly do the same for him if you had ever switched roles. Just because you are fighting doesn’t mean that you stopped being friends. Thankfully, he did not ignore you this time, and instead let out a soft hm, as he stood up. No words, but there was acknowledgement at least.

Sigh.

Now…how do you deal with this situation?

The air was too thick and awkward. Satan was spent. Was it a good idea to continue today’s group study? But everyone didn’t seem to have any intentions of leaving either. You waited and waited, the sound of quill pens hitting paper almost deafening. They might as well just study alone!

“What the—how am I supposeta understand this? Yer handwriting’s chicken scratch!”

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Well. At least Mammon and Solomon were having a more productive time. You squeezed Satan’s hand from under the table, catching him off guard. “Something the matter?” His eyebrows were knotted and he looked so solemn while reading paragraphs of human realm info dump.

“So, got any ideas on how to start?”

His tense expression relaxed. “You were worried.”

“Of course.”

“Not scared?”

You blinked at him. “Scared?”

He leaned his head to your side, unbothered by the public display of affection. For an unlabelled relationship, he never gave you the time to doubt his sincerity towards you. “You were the last person I ever…” He paused, making circular motions on your palm. “I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”

You booped his nose and laughed, causing him to pout. “I would have avoided you if I were.”

Simeon and Luke’s arrival did wonders on the large study table. The food caused Beelzebub to perk up, and Belphie was happily admiring the pretty “galaxy drink” (fully awake) that Luke had concocted for the refreshments. Asmo was making knowing glances at yours and Satan’s side, causing you to straighten yourself up from your seat and making your not-yet-demon boyfriend laugh at your delayed reaction.  Levi also came back, nursing his black eye with an ice bag, wincing at the pain. Mammon and Solomon were still arguing, making you turn over to them in curiosity.

“What do you mean ya have no notes? Smart people always have notes!”

“Smart people don’t need notes~”

“And smart people can write!”

“Something wrong?” You decided to look over to see what’s going on in their table while everyone was having a snack break.

“Oi, human! This guy’s a total hack!” He pointed at Solomon, who only smiled vaguely at you. “He ain’t no wise King! Can’t even write a darn proper sentence!”

You noticed Solomon’s bandaged hand… “You’re injured.”

“Oh, it’s nothing life threatening. It’ll heal right away.”

…then turned to Mammon who immediately shook his head and sputtered out a multitude of denials. “I-I didn’t do nothin’! His hand’s been broken since we got here!”

“It’s true.” He confirmed, looking over at you with a nod. “I had a tussle with a sorcerer last night.”

“At the mage party?”

“Mhm.”

“With the hot mages?”

“Mhm.”

“While you’re really drunk?”

He tilted his head and snorted a laugh. “I’m still seeing stars right now.”

You sometimes forget that this man was also human like you. After throwing up and drinking a recovery potion, Asmo had been fine—back to his affectionate and cheerful self. Solomon was different. Being a powerful mage didn’t equate to being invulnerable.

“Are you okay? Did I make things difficult for you?”

You saw his eyes widen, as if having someone worry about him was something rare or even impossible to happen. You haven’t seen this expression on his face before—was it timidity? It felt…fragile. He almost looked like a child.

“Difficult?” He parroted. “It’s just a broken hand. Inconvenient, yes. But this doesn’t concern you.”

Any semblance of that fragile child you have seen in him for a fraction of a second disappeared completely, replaced by his usual, whimsical expressions. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way, of course. I appreciate your concern.” He looked over at the other table and said,

“But isn’t Satan starting his tutoring sessions over there already?”

…before going back to teaching Mammon about magic spells.

It almost felt like he was pushing you away, but you thought the idea too ridiculous and dismissed it. He had always been like that.

You sat back on your seat and listened to Satan’s crash course on seductive speechcraft. It was certainly a lot more concise and interesting than Lucifer’s complex reviewers—okay, interesting was an understatement. He hadn’t even started with his seductions yet and you were already seduced.

“Focus on the lesson, please.” He playfully bonked your head with Lucifer’s rolled up reviewers. “Or do you want to get detention?”

“But this is a study group.”

“Oh, I am not shy with inflicting punishments myself. Especially to wayward students.” Or so he says feigning annoyance, but when everyone else wasn’t looking, he had the audacity to kiss your cheek and say, “Feeling feverish? It is the rainy season.” You caught Levi rolling his eyes on your peripheral, probably thinking of something along the lines of stupid normies.

So much for stealth, Avatar of Wrath.

There were many more instances, like a squeeze on your hand below the table, or an endearingly cheesy poetry thinly masked as a love confession on Literature 63: Classics All Over Three Realms. There was a hilarious recount of Emison Beckstein’s novel, but instead of the usual characters, everyone else turned into various breeds of cats to keep the lecture interesting. Simeon ate up the whole DevilPoint presentation, clapping his hands and even crying a bit at how well-thought out it was. It was almost strange to see Luke being the more muted one in their angelic duo. Belphie was strangely active once it was time for Astronomy 18, answering Satan’s questions at lightning speed that it was almost impossible to butt in.

“You’ve read your reference books. I’m impressed.” Satan said smiling.

“I haven’t touched a book willingly for at least 600 years.”  Belphie drawled out, unsmiling.

Meanwhile on the other table, you heard Mammon groan in frustration as he got the answer wrong for the nth time.

“Whaddya mean it goes like this and that? It doesn’t make a lick of sense!”

“Oh? But it’s so simple!” Solomon then began to explain the answer in words you can barely comprehend. You looked at the sorcerer, then at Belphegor and concluded: geniuses are scary.

Your eyes chose to settle back onto Satan, finding his intelligence not as inhuman (irony at its finest) nor as unattainable as the two abnormals. “I like your brain the best,” you didn’t realise you said that out loud, making Satan burst into laughter.

“I would prefer it if you would like me enough to pay attention. Or is my body part your only reason to like me?”

You threw a french fry at Asmo when he suddenly waggled his eyebrows. “Luke is listening, so get your head out of the gutter!” Your action prompted everyone else to do the same, throwing and shoving food into the former Jewel of Heaven’s mouth, a complete caricature of what he once was.

“Listen to what?” Luke blinked, looking up from his notes. Simeon gracefully evaded the smaller angel’s questioning with a random fact about stars. Beel didn’t really understand what was going on, but seeing as his brothers had chimed in, he shoved a few more French fries at the distraught Asmo’s mouth, an outcry letting out of his poor victim’s mouth (something about empty calories yet he swallowed every single piece anyway).

“Sataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, they’re being so mean~!” He said Satan but embraced another(read:you), squeezing himself in between the two of you and smooshing both of your cheeks.

“You smell like booze, Asmo.”

“Oh, darling! Why must you hurt me so? :( ~”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little, stroking his head in comfort. “You’re fine, Asmo. You’ll get past this. You always do.”

Satan’s smile was deathly cold. While he insisted that it was fine for Asmo to sit in between both of you, you knew better. He’s probably going to ask to be spoiled later. The thought alone was something to look forward to, and made the gruelling endeavour of studying for the sake of not getting into trouble with Lucifer a little less tedious. And the troublemaker who dragged everyone into the mess in the first place seemed to be trying his best as well, at least according to Solomon who remarked (rather impressed) about Mammon’s astounding mathematical abilities once the session for the day concluded.

Once Satan got the hang of pacing his lessons, everyone observed a drastic improvement on their mock test scores. Levi a.k.a on-the-verge-of-getting-the-rope-for-his-numerous-attempts-to-skive-athan (who you have long reconciled with after a teary marathon of Ghibli films with Beel and Belphie), almost received his second black eye when he unconsciously reached in for a kiss from his unamused younger brother. Satan was crushed into a hug by a grateful Beel anyway, whose sincere thank you, had been more well-received compared to Leviathan’s smooches (causing the third-born to sulk). The said incident had been implored to never be mentioned by both parties ever again.  

Of course, due to your busy days working as the exchange student representative (as well as Satan’s duties as student council treasurer), your vague relationship remained a status quo. You’re definitely NOT “just friends”. No platonic friends would ever kiss each other as much as both of you do. It couldn’t be brushed off as something out of friendly affection either, as you recalled every affection you shared under the sheets as anything but friendly. You almost got in trouble for your public displays of affection a few times when Lucifer had time to attend the study sessions. Almost as if Satan wished to be caught—he was usually better with being discreet at the times when Lucifer wasn’t around. When you ask him this, you never get an answer though, so you attributed his silence as affirmations.

💌💌💌

“What are we sneaking around for?” You asked him, genuinely confused as he led you to Lucifer’s garden. He’s entering this place…willingly? Is this really Satan? He laughed when he mimicked your thoughts, much like J*seph Joestar’s running gag in Part 2—only, this was mother effing Satan; he was no ridiculously buff anime character but a respectable member of the illustrious Seven Princes of Hell™.  He immediately denied your sensible (ha!) claims of him taking interest in your Chinese cartoons, and instead refocused your attention to a small patch of land he told you to enter.

“Lucifer doesn’t know about this spot.”

“In his own garden?”

His close-eyed smile had been lovely. “He’s been too busy to know. Anyway, I have something to show you.” He urged you to enter the small hole of trimmed grass hidden by Lord Diavolo’s statue—an enchantment, you’ve begun to know as he had undone numerous barriers protecting a space that appeared a lot bigger than the Alice in Wonderland-esque “door”.

“Your room?”

He moaned out in approval from afar, obscured by a stack of tomes on his table. It did seem like he was trying to retrieve something from his balcony. “I installed this portal just recently. Makes the trip to Purgatory Hall more convenient.” After the incident with the broken blackboard, you had been holding the studying sessions in Purgatory Hall instead. The atmosphere there had been too familiar to really consider on changing locations, and Simeon and the others did not seem to mind. “Actually, can you come here instead? It’s pretty dark in there.”

Dark? Well of course. Devildom is in eternal darkness. But you held your urge to banter.

You were surprised to see light in a small corner of Satan’s balcony—an artificial sun, albeit small, illuminating a familiar flower on a plastic pot.

“That’s…”

Satan smiled sheepishly as he urged you to scoot over to him. “Mhm. I did say I’ll give you another gift.”

“This…this is too much!” Growing a carnation? In such a harsh environment? “Isn’t it hard to…make it survive here?” Your question was answered by a quick peck on your lips. His beautiful emerald eyes narrowed at you, lips curving up into a smile that made your heart skip a beat. How much does he love you to do this?

“I didn’t do this to make you cry, kitten.” A nickname he only approved of if you were the one it addresses to. He wiped your tears with his fingers, kissing the corner of your eyes. “Look closely. Such a lovely little thing, trying their best to live their life in an unfamiliar environment. Doesn’t it remind you of someone?”

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“UuuuuuUUuuuuuuU!!!!”

“Hey—! What did I just sa—!”

You tackled him to the ground, smothering him with your hugs and kisses. “I loveuuuu Sachaaaan—” You sniffled, soothed by the gentle strokes he made on your back. Despite his protests, he continued holding you anyway, offering loving words you knew he meant from the bottom of his heart.

“I love you too. More than anything in this world.” You wondered what number that kiss was in your ever growing kisses with him; how does he see you in those alluring green eyes of his? Was his heart also beating out of his chest?

“I don’t want to leave…” you couldn’t help but say, which he replied with a forehead kiss to signify his agreement as he sat you on his lap, back leaning on the wall.

“Then don’t.”

“Sataaaaaan.”

“It’s only a suggestion.” He laughs. “A tempting one, isn’t it?”

You finally stopped crying. Only an evidence of it was left on your tear-stained face. “What will happen to us?

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…sorry, that question is unfair.”

“We’ll…”

“Think of something?” You finished his sentence for him, causing him to laugh quietly at your side. “Once Mammon passes his exams—oh, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t do anything this time.”

“Huh.”

“Well, Solomon is going out of his way to help despite his injury. And…” He hesitated, yet spoke out his thoughts anyway. He didn’t want any secrets, and you felt the same. “...it seems like Lucifer did not approve of such arrangements.”

You raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. “Why so?”

“It’s just suppositions but, Solomon might be involved in whatever Lucifer is busy with.”

You suddenly felt very guilty. “Doesn’t that mean that I did something really bad?” Did you intrude upon his already busy life?

“Well, he was the one who accepted.” Satan, however, reassured you.

“Still…”

“I did say it was a supposition. I might be wrong.”

You hoped so. You couldn’t really know. In fact, you didn’t know much about the sorcerer at all.

“Speaking of suppositions…” ah. He’s pouting again. “You mentioned about a love letter. A secret admirer…”

“Someone I NEVER knew and never made himself known.” You emphasised, kissing the creases on his brows away. “Satan, I haven’t thought about him until you brought him up.”

“Which means his letter is still out there—in your room, rotting away in its leafy carcass.”

“Paper. It’s paper. Say it like how everyone does.”

He made a tch sound, making you promise to retrieve it and have it read once he’s finished with his tutoring.

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What you didn’t expect was his impromptu proofreading when you handed it out to him. You never really managed to finish reading it—pages and pages of flowery words and lovelorn promises. Your heart skipped a beat with several of its passages, and were surprised by how…this enigma seemed to know you despite not knowing him at all.

“Clearly this is a stalker.”

And so, your romantic fantasies were thereby thwarted by your cynical demon, You saw him roll his eyes as he begrudgingly admitted the author’s skill with his word weaving, amazed by his vocabulary and prose. “Carnations too. Had he seen my gift and imitated me?”

“It must be a coincidence.”

That, he readily admitted to be the likely possibility. He hated how you made sense; gives him less reasons to ask to be comforted (read: spoiled) by you. “He could be dangerous.” And so, he turned to Freud and his idea of rationalisation. He wished it could have been projection—reaction formation if you wanted him to be more civilised; he can make compromises. Any excuse to inflict harm on the said man, really.

“If he was, then I never found myself to be in one. Much more when you’re there protecting me.”

“I do all the work for him, do I not?” You chuckled and kissed his still pouting lips.

“If you hate it so much, you can throw it away.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, considering the thought. “Or, I can one-up my competition and write a better letter. Letters. I can write one every day starting now.”

Your eyes widened, remembering the embarrassing bouquet he gave you. Oh. Oh. No! You weren’t having that again!

“No more grand displays, sir! I object!”

“No more? I haven’t even started yet.”

You shook your head repeatedly, complaining to him about the aftermath of his previous one. You couldn’t believe the utter audacity of his words.

“You call that a grand display? You have some low standards, kitten. I am inclined to change it.”

“No!”

He caged you in his arms this time, forcing you to meet his eyes. Darn it. Why was he so handsome?

“What would I do to make you say yes?”

Any embarrassment was thrown aside; replaced by evil, evil thoughts. You smirked.

“I want you to be my boyfriend. For real. No secret relationships. Full-blown, embarrassing declarations of love by the school grounds.”

“Deal.”

“Ha! I knew—Wait what?!”

He only answered with a smirk on his annoyingly attractive face, making you realise the answer for yourself.

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,

Well fuck. You just got played. The letter? Good as gone. Burnt, burnt, burnt to ashes, too eager for its own end to await for the vermilion bonfire on the school grounds to claim it.

Instead, it had been you who was being threatened to be consumed. You shouldn’t have allowed yourself to be pressured into this. Everything had gone according to his plan—he really is a show-off! And you thought he was the “normal” one in their family!

Oh shit.

Exams were coming up after the festival.

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You’re going to get looks while taking your exams, won’t you? You definitely will!

Try as you will to make it known to him that you were not pleased with your agreements, he only laughed at you, planting kisses on your face. When you asked him if he was treating you like how he treats catty (pun intended) felines, he did not answer; but all it took was a glance at his impish lips to know (internally) he said yes.

💌💌💌

You couldn’t concentrate. Not with knowing what will happen on the festival dance. Not with that big ass bonfire standing there, reminding you of your stupidity. Not with your almost-boyfriend reminding you of how excited he was to dance with you tonight! It was a miracle you were able to carry out your final duties as a festival organiser without letting so much as a stumble out from the many opportunities where you could have screwed everything up for everyone—at least your body had the decency to not do that. You wish you could say the same for Satan. Oh, you loved him so much but sometimes, he can be so…so infuriating. What was more infuriating was that he knows deep down, that you were looking forward for this too.

Was his grand gestures as grand (read: embarrassing) as you anticipated? Immensely grand. Immensely showy. Immensely devilish and so very him. You were blindfolded on your way, a smiling Asmo surprisingly cooperative and tight-lipped when you asked him questions about his contributions to his brother’s grand grand schemes.

You only heard a muted orchestra in the background as you neared your destination. Asmo didn’t let you go, and instead led you up a small flight of stairs—one, two, three…five steps. This must be the makeshift stage near the bonfire where Lord Diavolo would be sitting for the rest of the event. You could hear his voice now, a cheerful baritone that hinted of his own cooperation (and perhaps outright enthusiasm) when he greeted you, marvelling at the unique charms of human world school festivals where he took his most recent project’s inspiration from.

“You can open your eyes now, sweetie.” Asmo whispered on your ear as you felt a bright light on you, eyes squinting at its sheer intensity. A spotlight? But before you could ask anything, Satan’s voice boomed in the speakers. Your still squinting eyes, adjusting to the light searched for its source but only saw the fascinated crowd below you.

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“You asked for grand gestures and I delivered,” You didn’t! Not unironically! But your protests were deafened by the noise around you. Clamours and cheers, your name mixed in the cacophony of sounds shouted by voices familiar and dear to you. You saw some of them in the crowd, but your favourite blond was not among them. You strained your ears and listened to his voice once more.

“A famous human playwright named Shakespeare once said that the robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. I didn’t give much thought to his words, thinking it meant something shallow or too humanly inclined for me to understand, but…” he called your name, a sweet and gentle tone permeating his love for you.

“But now, dearest? I feel like I do.”

His words were like a trigger, muting the voices from below—they formed groups around the bonfire, partner after partner, hand in hand, dancing to the beat of human realm music in harmonious cadence.

“My lovely thief, may I steal you away tonight? For the rest of your life?

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Save the last dance for me, won’t you?”

Wait. Isn’t that—

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬʸᴵᴺᴳ... ᵐᵉʳʳʸ⁻ᵍᵒ⁻ʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ ʲᵒᵉ ʰᶦˢᵃᶦˢʰᶦ: ʰᵒʷˡ'ˢ ᵐᵒᵛᶦⁿᵍ ᶜᵃˢᵗˡᵉ ᴼˢᵀ 1:05  ───|────── 2:53 |◁              II             ▷|

“Howl’s Moving Castle?”

Anime music? In a school festival? This must be Levi’s doing!

“Are you going to stare at me, or are you going to dance?”

“Levi?” Speak of the demon!

“No, Sophie—of course it’s me! Geez. How did I get dragged into this….”

His black eye was still there, but it was healing. Blushing to the tip of his ears, he fumbled as he searched for your hands and clumsily held them as he led you down the stage.

“M-Moses!”

“Not a name I thought I would hear in Devildom, but I see your point.”

Your point exactly? Exactly as you might be thinking right now. The crowd parted to make way for you, until Levi settled you in an empty spot and shakily threaded your fingers. “J-just so you know, Satan forced me into this! I have an event to grind, y’know! You should be grateful!”

“I am. Thank you, bestie~”

You heard him scoff, yet he took the lead effortlessly anyway, matching the strides of the other dancers around you. “You only call me that to tease me.”

“You know it’s out of friendly affection.”

“Yet you dodged and got me this black eye—“

“What, you want us to get it together?” He snorted, his amber eyes narrowing as he caught you after you dipped. “You better make it up to me soon. I’ve listed so many of your felonies and they’re only increasing as we speak.”

“Oh?” You glanced at him sideways and prepared to spin. “What are friends for?”

Dancing with Levi had been lovely. It was easy to talk to him, especially after how you’ve already made up.

“Hey,” he called to you, sounding hesitant.

“Yeah?”

With bitten lips, the words he caught in his throat collected, and with a sigh to lessen its impact—its filter, he finally spoke. “Are you happy?”

That made you think and look back at your memories in Devildom. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows of course, and you would argue that there might even be hostility there at both parties especially your first encounters with them. But now?...

“I couldn’t be any happier!” You smiled at him. “I’m so glad I came here! I’m so glad I met all of you!”

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“I’m glad.” Somehow, the way he smiled back at you felt faraway. “I’m going to lose a best friend when you’re gone.”

…until he voiced out his thoughts and you finally understood. He was so silly, wasn’t he?

As his turn came to an end, and with it, seeing Beel approaching, you kissed his cheek and answered,

“No one can ever take your place, Levi. You will always be my best friend too!”

You might have imagined it, but it looked like Levi was about to cry when you left.

💌💌💌

“Congrats.” Greeted Beel as he linked your arms together.

“…Satan bribed you, didn’t he?”

Beel pondered for a bit as he spun you, catching your back with his palm and threading your fingers once you repositioned. “He cooks really well. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! You’re right though. You should ask him to make as much meals as you want to take advantage of the situation.” Now, Beelzebub might be the demon amongst both of you (at least biologically speaking), but you were far, far more devilish and equally vengeful. “Do you want recommendations? I know some exquisite human realm cuisine you could ask him to make for you!”

The way Beel’s mouth watered as he asked you to make good of your promise after the festival affirmed that you have successfully turned the tides against your almost-boyfriend. Wordlessly, he guided you to your next partner, a rather sleepy looking Belphegor who was trying his best to keep himself awake.

“Just a little more, Belphie!” You encouraged him, taking the lead for him instead.

“Sleep…”

You laughed and shook your head as you tried your best to keep him awake.

You got to hand it to Levi for choosing good anime music. To an unsuspecting normie, it sounded like it belonged to a ballroom. In fact, it was wayyyy too effective as Belphie complained about it sounding too much like a lullaby. “Ah…congrats by the way.”

“Thanks..

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Belphie, your face is too close—“ Ah, he’s almost going to pass out! You snapped a finger in front of him and he repositioned.

“…aren’t you going to say something to me?”

You blinked your eyes and tilted your head. “No?” And you saw Belphie frown as you answered. Almost melancholy. He shook his head.

“Nevermind. What’s important is you’re here, and you’re happy.”

Try as you should to understand what he meant, you could not. Not even once he led you to Barbatos, your next partner.

“Congratulations.” He offered his heartfelt felicitations, and you couldn’t help but blush in embarrassment.

“Why did Lord Diavolo agree to such a…grand (you hated that word now) scheme?”

Barbatos hummed, filled with his usual grace and composure. “Milord is generous and wise. And you,” He halted his words for a short while to hold you by the waist. “You are more than a student to this school. You’re family to those brothers, so family you shall be treated.”

That answer was very him, you supposed--showing not a hint of his emotions or inner thoughts. His dedication to his work was impressive.

“Shall we?” He offered his gloved hand to you as his turn ended. And when you accepted, you were treated to a small, yet rare smile from him. Simeon awaited you on your next turn, a serene smile on his lips as well that you felt obliged to return (albeit more awkwardly).

“Congratulations!”

Bright. Bright! Too powerful!

“You have provided me such excellent material for TSL’s next volume. Thank you, kindly~!” Were you just imagining it, or was he teasing you right now? The way he led you was flawless, feeling his grace down to his fingertips.

“Are you really going to use Satan’s cheesy grand gestures in your next volume?” You blinked your eyes, suddenly reminded of the fact that you’re friends with a very successful author. The fact that you’re not starstruck right now was almost unimaginable.

“The Lord of Masks and his unexpectedly romantic side is very very tempting to explore.” He reasoned, holding you by the shoulder. “The current arc needs a bit more light-hearted scenes, methinks.”

Thankfully, you were able to talk him out of doing it before he surrendered you to Mammon.

“Grats…” He was frowning when he intertwined your hands with his, an exasperated sigh as he begrudgingly took the lead. “Your boyfriend’s scary, y’know? I almost didn’t make it out alive!”

“Make what of?” You asked, curious. “Did something happen, Mammon?”

“!!!”

When he didn’t talk, you repeated your question.

“Gah! Don’t look at me with those, googly human eyes of yours!”

“What. Did. He. Do?”

When he didn’t answer you again, you threatened to step on his foot (empty threats, but it was worth a try) so he finally relented (emphasis on the finally). “I might have…tried…to steal the flower on the pot. I’msorryIcan’thelpit!”

He was shocked to hear you laugh instead of being angry with him. Smiling, you shook your head.

“It wasn’t stolen if you’re caught, right?”

Mammon’s confused look was rather adorable.

“…hey, human?”

“Hey, Mammon.” You parroted.

He chuckled and spun you around. “You’re weird.”

He only laughed at you once more when you agreed.

💌💌💌

“Darling~!! It’s our turn now!”

You giggled and accepted his hand. “Hello, Asmo! It’s nice to see you again!”

His playful way of leading you washed the fatigue off of you. It was exhausting to switch partners every one or two spins and dips. And you were happy that Asmo noticed. “Sooooo, how are you enjoying your day?”

“Unsurprised, but still embarrassed. Probably a little hurt you kept this from me.”

Asmo feigned concern, catching your larky tone. “I’m soooo sorry, darling! But Satan insisted! And, you’re happy he did this deep down, aren’t you? Don’t try lying to me now! Love and lust are connected, however blurred~”

“Tch.”

“Fufu~ See, see! I was right!♡” Sometimes, you hated how right he was. And pretty. What’s worse is that he knows it.

“You’re terrifyingly perceptive.” Asmo hummed in agreement as he supported your back to dip.

“Of course!~ I’m amazing, aren’t I? Praise me more!”

“You’re amazing, Asmo~”

“Oh, darling, I love you!!!”

You laughed as you accepted his hug, a fish out of water compared to the synchronised movements around you.

“I love you too, Asmo.”

The artificial sunset reminded you of the real ones in the human world. The large bonfire at the centre of the school grounds continued to flicker as the music played, and Mephisto's voice echoed in the speakers, cueing everyone to switch partners. Satan was dancing with a succubus, being an excellent escort, and you couldn't help the bubble of pride in your chest as he reassured his nervous partner who stepped on his foot a few several times. Isn’t my boyfriend amazing? You couldn’t help but think, a voice from inside you asking several questions back: Why weren't you jealous? Because you didn't have any reason to be. You felt safe. Secure in his company. You knew he would never hurt you, not on purpose. You trusted him. You loved him.

"He's good at dancing, isn't he?"

Your eyes focused back at your own partner, laughing at his awkward way of holding your hand.

"I don't have a deadly disease, Solomon." You joked, threading your fingers together and feeling the heat of his hand. He pulled away instinctively, eyes looking elsewhere. Oh darn. You keep on forgetting he's injured.

"Did I hurt you?"

His silence was jarring, but not as jarring as the look of shock in his eyes.

“Does it hurt that much?” Your racked your brain over that healing spell you learned in class. It was Latin something. Or was it Gaelic? Oh shit. You were bad at rune magic—

“Never. Not at all.” Ah, he’s back. You couldn’t help but think, focusing on the bags under his eyes, his usual yet somewhat tired smile. “Let’s try again, shall we?”

You thought you imagined it at first: a surprising, fragile side to him. Maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was something else. But he was back, and he was squeezing your hand and it hurt. You felt that weird vulnerability again when he apologised to you, before promptly disappearing when he teased you about your sweaty palms, never to return.

“You’re not going to heal it?” You asked, pertaining to his broken hand. “Not before finals?” He has more than enough magical capacity to do so. As if reading your thoughts, he flippantly replied.

“Mammon’s reactions are amusing.”

“I knew you had an ulterior motive!”

Your eyes couldn’t help but wander back to Satan—smiling and having fun. You were relieved to see him enjoying himself, but he was so far away all the same. You could see however, your next partner. Amongst the crowd was the ever elegant Lucifer, leading a demoness who seemed to be enjoying his company.

“…thank you.”

But before you could reply back to him, the sorcerer had already given you to your next partner (Lucifer), making an exaggerated curtsy as he left.

“We finally meet. Shall we?” Lucifer offered his gloved hand and you accepted with a smile. Satan was closer now, almost a turn away, and you caught yourself stealing glances at him as much as he was. You saw him mouth, Lucifer’s glaring at you with a laugh, and you fearfully turned back to the firstborn, and confirmed that yes. He was glaring, and yes. You have missed a spin.

“I was against Satan’s ridiculous gambades. In fact, I find that my negligence caused a lot of discomforts.”

Gulp.

“If this is about Solomon—I,”

His eyes widened at your Freudian slip, holding you in a cuddle dip. You felt him sigh from the nape of your neck, the hoarseness in his voice, you attributed to fatigue. “So you knew.”

You didn’t want to face him. This was supposed to be a light-hearted dance, so why does it feel like you’re being grilled?

“You should have consulted me first, then again…you do not know the underlying reasons of my anger, do you?”

By the time you had to switch back to your original position, you felt yourself creasing your brows. “I don’t. Won’t you tell me?”

He didn’t answer, satisfying your curiosity with thoughtful silence.

“…I’m sorry for keeping things from you.”

You tilted your head, not really knowing what he meant. “Things?”

“You’ll know soon enough. Speaking of…”

A spin. A turn, and he continued. “Come to Barbatos’ Estate after this. You can bring Satan or any other of my brothers whom you trust. Of course, you can also go alone.”

That was…really strange. It certainly snapped you out of that fairytale-like feeling you’re having.

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“…hello, gorgeous.”

…Only for it to come back at full strength once your weary heart finally found its match.

“If I become the centre of gossip after this, you have to take responsibility.” You pouted as you accepted his hand, threading your fingers together as you moved to the music.

“I only listened to your suggestions.” His close-eyed smile widened as you missed his foot. You hissed at him and it only earned you a sneaky kiss at the back of your hand as you made a turn.

“So, my dearest; on a scale of flawless to perfect, how do I fare as a boyfriend?”

You rolled your eyes. “Your first day on the job and you’re already up there, aren’t you?”

“The highs of a love realised.” He bantered.  “A luxury a few can afford.”

You missed his foot again and frowned. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know.”

When did the music stop playing? When did everyone disperse? The bonfire illuminated only he and you, casting shadows on vermilion. His forehead touched yours, looking down to meet your eyes. There was a smile there, not his usual ones—almost warm. “After this and it’s almost over.”

“Oh…”

He kissed your forehead to silence the dark thoughts looming inside there, squeezing your hand to know he wasn’t going away. Not ever.

“My heart will always be with you.” He called your name. “You are just a teleport away anyway. And we can call each other every day.”

“But what if I want to kiss you?”

He kissed you just then, feather soft before pulling away. “Would you like to make a deposit? For a rainy day, of course.”

You blushed, stunned at the sudden gesture. “I’ll use it all in one go,”

A kiss again, this time longer than the other. You stopped moving already and it took you a while to notice. You were too drunk on the moment to notice anything else, in fact.

“Wouldn’t that be a problem? I’m almost tempted to keep you here.”

“Don’t say that…” you bit your lip. “And I’m almost tempted to stay.”

You hated the thought of being away from him. Most especially now that…you had something. A label. An officiation of sorts—validating your feelings for each other.

“Won’t you trust me?”

He said to you, four simple words that you couldn’t help but simmer over as your happy yet fleeting days with him are almost coming to an end.

Lucifer

Have you made your decision?

And then there’s that—a thought you had set aside in favour of not letting your wonderful day to be spoiled. However you wish to evade responsibility however, you could not. You asked Satan’s words back at you again:

Do you trust him?

💌[ Tell Satan. ]

💌[ Go alone. ]

💌masterlist

[ MEMORIA 10: ~To Deceive, To Protect~ unlocked. ]

[ MEMORIA 10: ~To Deceive, To Protect~ unlocked. ]

💌 Read now

💌Read now (first draft version/private blog)

[ A new option has opened in Mammon’s Route: ~Smile at him~ ]

💌Read now