#It feels so weird logging into tumblr ffs

[krakajici-kavka]

Logging into tumblr just does not disappoint what do you mean the website's name is tumblr.com where the fuck did that .com come from. The hell are you playing at what is this. As far as I'm concerned this is 'hellsite central the tumblr' did I miss it getting a doctorate

[chlorinecake]

idk if u didnt reply to my last one or it didnt show up again 💔💔💔💔💔 ok so i literally forgot what i wrote last time soooo im screwed

i think i wrote

blueberry diaries log one

i mean i love jake land but the thing is idols they rarely come here like.. world tour literally means japan korea america americans are sooooo lucky 💔💔💔 i wish i could see enha but they havent come here even ONCE but its ok ive still had the chance to go to some concerts 😄😄 but the thing is i was literally resisting the urge to fly to singapore to watch enha 😞😞😞

speaking of did u go to the enhypen concert when they went to 29393288283 places in ur country 😄if u did hope it was fun (dying on the inside) if u didnt thennnn.. theres always next time

america is very cool tho i went there a while ago long flight tho but it was fun i went back in time sooo

im very curious what happens when an idol sees an au about themself.. 😭😭 how would they react LMAOAOA

anyways about universe ticket its really not traumatising some of the contestants even have tiktok accounts 😄😄 it feels a little rushed tho.. BUT THE THING IS THE DEBUT GROUP HAS ONE ADULT AND ONE 12 YEAR OLD I FEEL SO OLDDDD

also i never knew that you can change the size and the font of words on tumblr i feel so.. uneducated 😭😭

ok signing off,

- 😹

Omg, the “Blueberry Diaries” 😍 Sign me up, I love this show alreadyyy !!

Flying out to Singapore just to see them perform would’ve been such a fun experience I’m sure, but at the same time, very expensive and maybe even scary if you went alone … Crossing my fingers in hope that one day tho, Enhypen will show some love to Jake Land and it’s residing engenes 🫶

But no, I’ve actually never been to one of their concerts before, and as much as I’d love to go one day, my mom is SO ANTI kpop to the point that if she even knew that I listened to their music, she’d take my phone away again 😭 Like ong, she literally had a panic attack when she saw pictures of Hyunjin & Niki in my gallery, but that’s a story for another day … 🍵

And omg, which state did you visit (if you don’t mind sharing) …. You also just reminded me of my childhood fascination with Australia… I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted to visit there as a kid, and even more NOW as an adult knowing that so many of my favorites idols are from there :’3

About the ff thing tho, I honestly feel like most of them would be flattered by it while others would just find it flat out weird 😭 Sometimes, I get the feeling that Enhypen knows abt ppl writing stuff for them, mostly bc it just seems like they’re always in on our inside jokes and strange engene ways 🫠

But trainees having active social media accounts is new :0 ?!? And ‘11 liners working alongside adults is crazyy !! Hell, I can’t even believe I just said 11’ liners, HELP-

Good to hear no one’s being traumatized tho 😭 And yeah, you’ll learn that tumblr has a lot of cool features and quirks once you keep using it !!

Anyways, thanks for reaching out again, Blueberry !! It was fun responding to this lengthy ask huhu 🤭 ~

[autumnslance]

how do you get into roleplaying on a ff server? like how do you do it and how do you know if your character is lore compliant? ;A; pls youre a big inspo to me

*Hugs Nonny* Getting into RP on a FF server can vary; I don’t actually RP much these days, outside of some friends I already have connections to--and that in itself can be difficult just due to Life! It can take time, and patience, and some fits and starts.

And this gets...really really long, so buckle up and go below the cut, please. :)

The cut got broken by an edit. Sigh.

In game there’s always the RP status tag, and just doing RP with folks in public spaces. There may be trolls now and then, but they can be ignored. I personally find Balmung’s Quicksand area too busy and anxiety inducing and not actually all that conducive to actual RP, even “meet at a tavern” walk-up type. But unless you already have a ready-made group of friends/FCmates willing to RP more than some random walk-ups with you, it may take some legwork to find folks you can and want to write with.

Social Media There are a couple of RP community blogs, like @mooglemeet​ and @ffxiv-crystal-rp​  and plenty of server-specific ones. There’s also some Discords for these communities. They host and advertise events and reblog people who are looking for RP contacts. Some of them have running gdoc calendars and in game linkshells and fellowships as well.

Shofie has a good post about Tumblr/social media RP blogging.

@shofie-ffxiv

It’s a fact now that social media outside game is a way to make contacts, or even a medium for RP itself. There are few centralized websites/forums for server RP communities anymore. Making connections over your social media, like Tumblr and Twitter, can help find RP. You can’t just throw your own character info out there or reblog prompts hoping others bite, though; you have to put in some work and show interest in others, too. This can be difficult and even scary. That’s OK.

RP is about collaboration and creating with other people, which means finding folks you can write with, and who see you as someone interesting but also interested in them and their OCs. If you want to keep it a solo endeavor focused on your own OCs, write fanfic (which I’ve actually made friends and gotten RP interests that way too through comment interactions, so hey).

If you reblog a prompt from someone, see others on your dash reblogging prompts, if people reblog that prompt post from you? Send them asks! Alternatively, don’t wait for prompts, just send asks, comments, or chats saying hello and things you notice or like about their blog/character/posts they make. Try to form connections with people you think are genuinely interesting and might be fun to talk with. Social media should be, well, social.

BUT respect boundaries, too. Don’t try sarcasm or jokes with people you don’t actually know, it tends to go over poorly. Unless someone’s specifically posting a naughty meme/prompt, keep stuff you others send clean and polite, especially if it’s unsolicited and you’re not already friends (doubly so if you don’t know how old they are IRL, there are laws you do not want to break). Respect if people aren’t open to random asks or chatting with new followers, or say “no” to RP, and know it’s not personal--it’s just what they have time, energy, and emotional/mental capacity for. Don’t give up on other people, though. This stuff can take time and effort to find those you click with.

Respect and communication with RP partners is pretty key.

Do curate your feeds and don’t be afraid to unfollow/mute/block folks, either. I’m selective in who I follow and remove as needed, too, for my own mental health. I miss so much of the discourse and drama and that’s fine by me. Also it costs nothing to not step in on a lot of the drama when it does pass in sight.

Profiles I have static RP profile pages for my girls here on Tumblr (and a lot of other static links and pages, but I’m weird about organizing like that). This way, if people want to write with me, send me prompts, if I sent them prompts, or they want to otherwise interact with my characters, the information is handily available. For some folks, this makes all the difference in who they choose to interact with: how easily can they find even basic info about your OC?

Some people make Carrds. Some folks have gdoc links, or use Dreamwidth, etc. Just keep the links in the blog’s sidebar menu, and/or in the blog desc so people can see ‘em on mobile. There are templates out there, or you can make your own. Feel free to snag mine if you’d like. A lot of times people also copy their profiles to rebloggable posts when looking for RP contacts. Profiles are a good way to let folks know just the at-a-glance basics about your character(s).

I picked a simple theme with a simple layout that makes it easy to add and show off links. I put them in the blog desc to make them easy to find on mobile, too.

[Images: links from my blog sidebar menu showing how over organized I am]

RP, Stories, Lore Post some stories or RP logs (with permission of others involved) or even just random little blurbs and headcanons, as well as any screenshots, art, aesthetic posts for your OCs. Have something of interest to show for your character, too, so some of those folks your interacting with have something of their own to see and ask about!

If possible, try some light RP with friends and FC Mates who are amenable. Go to events, even if just to lurk at first. When you do get up the nerve to talk to people, don’t try to throw a character’s entire backstory at them, or try to steal the limelight--RP is collaboration, back and forth, and a lot like real conversation. Maybe come up with little light things to talk about if asked; a recent adventuring job, a silly shopping incident, etc. They can break the ice or just give you something to reply with for a few minutes.

Lore Compliance is Variable. Some people really want lore compliance, others are OK bending it here and there, while still others throw it out the window entirely. If you want to be super lore compliant...read. There’s a LOT of information, in game and out, for finding lore; from official publications and website material, to tools like Garland Tools site, to compilation blogs like @mirkemenagerie.

Note what’s important for your concept. Narrow it down. Characters aren’t going to know or be or do everything, so only worry about what’s necessary for the base idea. And be flexible; it’s SE’s sandbox, we just play in it, and they can change things any time. They usually do it in the guise of characters not knowing/having all the correct information, at least, but also some places just don’t exist in game yet so we don’t have info.

I’m unspecific about a lot of elements of Aeryn’s childhood, for instance, other than “traveling merchants near Thavnair.” I don’t have to be super specific. I can keep most details vague, and focus on her family and those relationships.

Dark, as my first character, has a fairly simple backstory that I’ve expanded on and adjusted over time as I learned and came up with new info. I also bet no one remembers I originally said Dark was from the North Shroud. I’ve changed things (now from East Shroud, due to the proximity to Gyr Abania and its Hellsguards) as I learned more about the world and my character. You don’t want to change things willy-nilly, but sometimes being flexible and smoothing down some rough edges and making small changes can be fine, especially as one gets more lore over time.

Iyna has a pretty detailed backstory, that came from a basic idea, and checking dates in the pre-Calamity timeline. I based her being taken and trained the way she was not only on what info we have about Garlemald’s imperial practices with conquered provinces, but borrowed a bit from real life and the re-education schools many Native Americans were forced into (though I haven’t gone into detail on that yet, either). I tied the turning point in Iyna’s life to a major event that wasn’t the Calamity, and have left plenty of space in between for me to fill in as time goes on and I learn more about her and the world.

The world isn’t static, and is bigger and more diverse than what can be shown in the game. There’s space in the margins for plenty of weird stuff and contradictions or unusual cases. So read up on what you can, ask questions, and then find where in those spaces your OC fits. Then, find people who enjoy similar tastes in lore compliance (or non-compliance), and who enjoy playing with you and your OCs, and not worrying about the rest. Can’t please everyone, nor get along with everyone, so don’t try; just find what works for you, and who works with you, and don’t police anyone else’s pretendy fun times, either.

There’s no magic answer on the “right” amount of lore compliance, or how to quickly and easily find RP partners or break into the broader RP community.

I hope this helps at least a little bit! Good luck in finding your niche for RP, and maybe I’ll see you sometime at an event :)

[ms-demeanor]

Is there a way to make smartphones *not* horrible? Or is this just another thing in the “everything I like and that helps me live is evil, permanently” category?

Uhhhhhhhhhh. Okay. FIRST I wanna say please look at this android pocket computer with a full qwerty keyboard that you can use as a cellphone and install Linux on because it is giving me an erection:

That’s so fucking sexy. I love that. That makes me want to spend a large amount of money on a piece of technology. I haven’t felt like this since I got my first Sidekick. (Things were kind of briefly amazing when we had phones that fit the niche between “flip phone” and “smart phone” with weird little carrier cloud networks and packet radio data service)

But. Okay.

So first I want you to really think about how much you use your phone as a phone. Like with the talk function and all.

Think about how much you use texting.

THOSE TWO THINGS, those things that require the use of a phone number, are the only things that make a phone different than a tablet.

So I’ll ask you: what do you actually use your phone for?

Me, I am a weirdo. My phone is primarily used for the browser.

What I like about using Firefox as my primary phone app is that I’ve got a lot more control over what the app is collecting/observing/tracking than I do with, say, the tumblr app. Also I have an adblocker on my FF for Android so I can browse in peace and not get too perplexed by weird tumblr noodle ads or whatever.

Also log in to different sites as different users, run a VPN, use an anonymizer, or just straight-up decide to use Tor instead.

(and I can log into my email without an app, which sometimes I want to do because “reasons” where “reasons” is “I’m already a massive fucking data mine for you, google, I shouldn’t have to see ads in my fucking inbox”)

If you find that you mostly use your phone for things that could be done in a browser then you’d probably be in super good shape to attempt to use some variety of linux tablet (Good luck because they kind of aren’t really a thing but dear LORD do I have a techboner for that gemini phone/tablet thing) or just using a tablet that isn’t tied to GPS and cell service towers. A wifi tablet with no SIM is better than a smartphone if you’re concerned about security shit, from there using the browser on your tablet and using services that don’t track your data is another good step.

Do all of that and then get a flip phone for calls and texts; try not to take your flip phone everywhere because basically it’s a location tracker with a unique ten digit serial number that we’ve all volunteered to carry 24/7 and every time I sit down and really start thinking about that I want to go lie down in a faraday cage for a while and cry.

*IDEALLY* you’d just use a tablet and use Signal instead of your phone’s voice or message function. And you’d just use available internet; how often do you *really* get messages or calls when you’re someplace that doesn’t have internet?

*REALISTICALLY* yeah okay phones are how people have access to 4G and can communicate if there isn’t wifi available.

If most of the things you do on your phone are apps, well. Run android, install antivirus, get a vpn, do things through Firefox for Android as much as possible, disable apps you don’t use, and seriously reconsider which apps you want to use (for instance don’t install facebook or facebook messenger on your phone)

I don’t know - this is kind of complicated advice because there are lots of types of tech users and lots of levels of paranoia and I don’t know where you’re at.

Here is some blanket advice that I feel comfortable giving to everyone:

Don’t install Facebook products on your devices. Yes, that includes Instagram and yes, I should delete my Instagram.

Avoid using Google as much as you can - if you’re on android I know you’re kind of screwed, but let’s be real, you don’t need to use the youtube app on your phone. Disable what you can’t uninstall.

Don’t deal with Amazon except where you have to. Don’t buy from Amazon if you can get the product elsewhere, don’t shop on Amazon through anything other than the website (No. Amazon. App. Take if off your phone.) Don’t get Amazon smart devices, don’t get Echo Earbuds (what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck why is that even a thing)

Practice leaving your phone someplace that you aren’t. Try to get into the habit of being out of communication. I know there are people for whom this is impossible - whether because of illness or work or whatever, I get that there are some people who need to be in arm’s reach of a phone. But if you *can* be away from your phone you really, really should, at least a couple days a week.

Look, your phone isn’t evil!bad!, you’re not evil!bad! for needing to use your phone. But it is extremely shitty that privacy rights and civil liberties haven’t kept up with technology and I think we need to be loud and angry about it.

With that in mind, please consider supporting the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

And if you can’t do that then PLEASE consider using open source software (like GIMP, LibreOffice, or Mozilla) instead of relying on closed-source software (like Adobe, Microsoft, or Google).

[johobi]

Milestone Thank You Post

So I hit a pretty significant milestone the other day, I wasn’t gonna make one of these but I haven’t in the past and I think it’s important to thank those who’ve made my time on Tumblr so wonderful. 

It’s been a helluva 2.5 years and while I haven’t been the most productive of contributors, I wanna thank all those followers who stuck with me nonetheless, and if you joined me further down the road, thank you to you, too. I hope you’ll all enjoy what I’ve got planned this year. I want to thank you for more than merely supporting my reading, though. I can’t count the number of supportive and commiserative messages I’ve received from many of you and I want you to know that you have genuinely affected my life for the better. I love you.

And to the friends I have made on here - you are precious to me. I’m incredibly awkward and conversationally stunted so those of you who have endured and coaxed it out of me anyway - thank you for persisting, haha. I love you, and I’m honoured to know such kind, skilled people. Even though Tumblr isn’t the greatest of platforms, the people on here are and I love seeing your follower interactions on my dash, seeing your fics do well, seeing you flourish creatively. And when things aren’t going so great, I’m always here if you need me. Anyway, I shan’t ramble on.

Bolded: mutual

Italics: i have read your work/seen your art!!!! and loved it!!!! (everyone else i need to get round to!!! i’ll get there!)

💌 : there’s a special note for you at the end

A-F

@aambrosia​ / @aesthete-soul-13​ / @anyaaniyo​ / @bendthekneetobangtan​​ 💌 / @btsinned​ / @btssavedmylifeblr​ / @btssmutgalore​ / @caramelkth / @cinnaminsvga​ / @dark-muse-iris​ 💌 / @dearlytea / @ditzymax​ / @dovechim / @floralseokjin

G-L

@gimmesumsuga 💌 / @guksheart / @gukyi / @hobiwonder / @hoseokiehopie / @httpjeon / @iq-biased / @jincherie / @jeonggukingdom / @joonbird /  @jungblue / @junqkook / @kittae / @koyamuses / @kpopfanfictrash 💌  / @kpopsmutbin / @lamourche / @littlemisskookie / @lockedarrow / @lthyl

M-R

@maadim / @marginalmadness 💌 / @meant-for-dreaming / @m00nk1ld / @mrsmin88 / @nikiis​ / @noona-la-la-la / @paperpurple / @parkmuse / @readyplayerhobi 💌 / @rohobi

S-Z

@seokeros 💌 / @seungyovn​ / @shelive-shelove​ / @spacejooon​ / @sweetbunnykook​ / @suga-kookiemonster​ / @sugasgrowl​ / @taeken-my-heart 💌 / @taezui​  / @thatlongspringnight / @tuserendipia​ / @underthejoon​ 💌 / @versigny​ / @wearelondonbound / @wildernessuntothemselves / @worldwidebt7​ / @yeoldontknow​ / @yimeizhu​ / @yminie​ / @yoonia​ / @yuscee​ / @zixxossi​ 💌

I also want to say a sincere, heartfelt thank you to the followers who frequent my notifications a lot - your usernames always bring a huge smile to my face and I want to thank you for your continued interest and support. I love you!!!

@99020448 / @ari-maccha / @ascendingbts / @blue-eyed-fantom / @bts-luvvv / @cerulean--rain / @deapplearrow / @dvmbassbitch / @guacj / @igot7nuggets / @joon-dream / @jooniperberries / @junkfoodwriting / @kimyishin / @krystalkoya / @lamptastical / @mellifluous--bts / @mhysaunburnt / @midnighttifa / @motleygirl98 / @murd0cks / @mygsii / @nomnomsik / @oppas-lube / @queenofthefurries / @reddidh / @saxpam24 / @seasofhoney / @shedevil65 / @shunjou-romantic /  @singulari-taes / @stubbornthot / @viva-lian / @yepthatsabingo / @zequiviya

I’m so sorry if I missed any other regulars - these are just some of the names at the forefront of my mind right now.

Special notes  💌

@bendthekneetobangtan: MJ, I’ve already rambled on and on about my love for you many times, but I fear it must be said again!!! You’re not only a kind and giving person, but you are a boon to all the writers you honour with your readership. Your reviews are so damn thorough and AMAZING, I always wriggle in excitement when I see one from you. Thank you so much for sticking with me since the early days (when I wrote more adlkwjalkj). I love you.

@dark-muse-iris: Iris, not only are you one of my dearest friends from this hellsite, but you are literally one of the two people whose writing inspired me to start my own blog in the first place. You are wise, gracious and sassy and I so enjoy watching you grow with your blog. I am so excited for your future projects, including those not related to FF. Love your writing. Love you.

@gimmesumsuga​: STEPH. You know how much I love you because I usually say it at least once a day because you are a cutie-patootie and just one of the loveliest, more interesting people to talk to. I live vicariously thru your IRL shenanigans lmao. Also, you’re such a caring and willing ear; the best to sound fic ideas off of. Speaking of fic, you’re ONE OF THE BEST ON HERE and u should give yourself more credit, sweet. You’re also probably gonna be famous when u publish STS so keep me in mind when u make a shit-ton of money pls. You’re the best concert buddy I could ever ask for. Can’t wait for next time. alkjaljk anyway, I LOVE YOU.

@kpopfanfictrash: Shanna!!!! Okay, not only are you perhaps one of the best writers to grace our community (and most likely to find success outside of imo!!!), but you are just the kindest, humblest, most chill person to talk to. Plus u tolerate my weird-ass humour which is incredible. I love you!

@marginalmadness: Shippy, I am most likely gonna have to bug u on Twitter first to read this bc since our failed collab (LMAO) I don’t think u’ve logged into Tumblr since. STILL. As I’m spilling my feelings, I have to say u are one of my most treasured and oldest (no, not age) friends. We first bonded over otome games. AND THEN, FINALLY, LAST YEAR, WE INDUCTED YOU INTO ARMY!!!! And it’s been amazing since. I was so happy to meet u and your gorgeous, majestic self. Plus u and your headcanons always make me w*t (w/ tears or other). I appreciate u and how u take care of me. I hope you feel cared for in return. I LOVE YOU.

@readyplayerhobi​: Tali, u are a wonderful enigma. U put up with my clingy-ass affection and ridiculous jokes and only sometimes get annoyed at me. Plus u are literally the Queen Of Fantasy And Amazing Fic Ideas/Execution and am always in awe of you. For that, and your productivity. Like, damn, girl. Also, u talk about the weirdest things and I appreciate that. I like a fellow weirdo. Hope I can meet u more in the future!!! because I love you!!

@seokeros​: Tessa, I’m certain you don’t check tumblr much anymore but if u do, I just wanted to communicate to u my deep appreciation for the support and encouragement that you offered me in the early days of my blog. I was so in awe of you and your writing skills that I could hardly believe when u began to interact with me. I’m sure ur the driving force that pushed out several of my pieces when my motivation was low. I want to thank u for everything u’ve done for the BTS FF community and when u do decide to leave for good, I will be first in line for your bestselling books. I love you.

@taeken-my-heart​: NORA!! I think I’ve known u for nearly as long as my blog’s been alive. Not only are u literally just the sweetest, purest bean, but u wowed me recently with your writing and I’m waiting with baited breath for the conclusion of Independent. Even though many of our chats are brief they are a frequent mood-lifter for me and I want to thank you for being here. I love you.

@underthejoon​: Fal, thank u for introducing yourself to me bc otherwise I would never have been able to get to know the lovely u (I’m too shy). U are for certain one of the most supportive and kind people I know on here and ur also my emotion twin (Scorpios unite!!). I really hope your experience on Tumblr improves because u deserve nothing less but love and appreciation. For your writing, too, because u have a fucking knack for it. I love you!!!

@zixxossi​: Last but not least, my darling frogger Alexa. U are my bestest and most treasured friend. We’re chalk and cheese but we’re also Bonnie and Clyde (without the death). We’ve spent so many hours dreaming up worlds and writing them into being and those were some of the most fun nights. We’re past that now, but I know we’ll forever have a strong bond and I’m so, so happy to see u flourish these recent months. U deserve nothing less, my little 6′1″ angel. I can’t wait to see u again and suffocate u in a hug. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[problematicwelshman]

Long submission posted by request under the cut!

Wow, I actually broke down when I saw those pictures of him and Rachel because he looked so happy. I have to say that I have actually wished more than once that he had knocked Rachel up but then I remember that she loved him enough to respect his decision of not becoming a Dad again but then I also remember that apat planned it and it makes sense. What absolutely baffles me is how some people can’t see that she trapped him. Excuse me, I’m not saying Michael is not to blame (it takes two to tango) BUT think about this: he’s always been in proper-age relationships (which was shocking because you know… celebrities) and they have lasted YEARS, all of them, and now all of a sudden he willingly has a new kid with someone (half his age) he met just a month ago (?) WTF. No matter the way you look at it, it does not make sense whatsoever. He looks nothing but happy in those pictures with her. FFS he looked so sloppy like he doesn’t give a fuck when he actually used to look incredibly great. This is my opinion but I think he only stays with her because he doesn’t want Lyra to go through what Lily did. I mean, yeah he was around all the time and that but at the end of the day Michael went to his house and Kate and Lily stayed at their home with her husband. Even though I know they spent a lot of time together as a family, I’m sure it was great but it’s… different. I know he would do anything for his daughters but he also deserves to be happy. What’s done can’t be undone and he’s doing the best he can but what hurts me the most is how his relationship with Kate and Lily will never be the same. Look at some of her tweets. I don’t blame her, if my Dad did something like that to me I’d be really angry at him. One of my favourite things about him is the love and affection he has for Lily in interviews (obviously, she’s his daughter and I am aware of the fact that no one is the BEST dad but not every father says those kinds of things) and thinking about how Lily might not want to talk to him is actually depressing. That’s the main reason I dislike apat, I honestly do not give a fuck about their age gap since both of them are consenting adults, I give a fuck about the fact that she truly knew what she was doing and didn’t think about him for a solid second and fucked his life up. It’s not like I’m not grateful he talks to his fans. No, I think that’s lovely but he wasn’t like this before. I know it’s his way to escape from the fucking hell his life has turned into but it’s sad. Again, Michael should have been more careful but I mean, what can you do when someone traps you? Sorry if I’m not making any sense here and just rambling but I’m starting to be actually concerned about him. I just want to see him happy again. Feel free not to post this as it’s long as fuck haha but I’m honestly grateful for your blog, you and for giving us a place to share our thoughts or even vent. You don’t deserve that much hate.

How weird. The last message was the only one I couldn’t send but I thought I eventually did because the page said that it was sent. Anyway, thanks again for being so patient.

First of all thank you for trusting me enough to post your submission publicly. I’ve seen people within the fandom tread lightly or completely backpedal and delete posts when they want to say something that goes against what the loudest or most voracious voices within the twittersphere feel is the “correct” or “right” way to feel, think, or behave. Everyone has seen or experienced the hive mind in action at one point or another whether that’s here or on their own posts on twitter.

I saw these coming through while I was logged in earlier and saw one of your messages must have been cut off by the Tumblr anon gods so I’m glad you saw my post on how to send me the rest! 

I think you’ve made sense out of everything that’s happened so far, honestly. I’ve noticed and felt the things you pointed out for a while and we’re not alone in this train of thought, either. It’s worrying to see and harrowing to know that there’s nothing any of us can do about it. We’re only spectators, after all. Michael has to be the one to ask for help if he needs it or to take the proper steps to mend any bridges that have been burned as a result of his actions. I think he’s trying to do his best and also do what he feels is the right thing to do. I really do. He’s in a tough situation and perhaps feels he has to remain in it as some sort of atonement for any wrongdoing or past mistakes and especially Lyra’s sake. It seems as if he’s completely sacrificed his own happiness in the process though, and that’s a slippery slope that usually leads to resentment and other unhealthy coping mechanisms. Take it from someone who not only lives with a soon-to-be psychologist, but who have both watched their own mother self destruct for the past 20 years. 

Hindsight is 20/20 and if Michael didn’t want any more kids after Lily, he could have eliminated that possibility for himself years ago. 

[amonsaiqaxiv]

                                                                                GROWTH & GRATITUDE

When Heavensward launched I was in a pretty awkward point in-game. I wasn’t entirely too invested in XIV or in MMO’s in general. The group I played with was a mix of old-school MMO WoW veterans and die-hard FF fans. I wasn’t exactly mechanic savvy nor too enthralled in the lore behind this game. I was put in a weird spot, to say the least. I couldn’t help but feel out of place with both the friends I had and the giant community sprawled out before me. It took...countless fucking hours of throwing my head against content, seeking guidance from other players, and fighting against my own ignorance to get comfortable playing this game.  Around that time, I had also stumbled across the XIV community here on Tumblr through a friend. Our community is a vast fucking place and I felt extremely overwhelmed at first. Like, I can barely interact with people in-game as it is, man. I had no clue how things worked on this end. However, one thing I was quickly able to latch onto were screenshot edits. I’d had....many...many years of experience with this concept back when I was roleplaying (on Myspace of all things). It was after this little rediscovery that I found my niche here and the rest of it is pretty self-explanatory. Fast forward two(ish) years later and things have changed. I love this damn game guys, I really do. Being able to experience new content, striving to improve both job and player skill is such a damn thrill for me. I’m confident in what I can offer as a player and I’m constantly excited for new opportunities to grow.

As for this blog, oh man...I never in a million years expected this to be where it’s at today. I really just used this blog to selfishly post screenshots and fuck man....the response has just been so overwhelmingly wonderful. 

Look, I’ve never been particularly good at expressing my feelings, ESPECIALLY not through writing. Things come a bit more naturally through speech but most of the time? I keep to myself outside of my small circles and even then I tend to internalize my anxieties onto myself. It’s tough conveying my thoughts into words since my mind tends to race around. However, despite these difficulties, one thing that’s always come naturally to me is the ability to express gratitude. I am so damn thankful to those of you who have had a hand in helping me grow both as a player and as a member of this community. So before we trudge off into expansion, I wanted to draft something up to commemorate the time I’ve spent with each of you:

Thank you to everyone I’ve met within or because of @theriskbreakers : @sylvan-rain @onwesterlywinds @crimson-bull @thefateofivalice @a-kelping-hand @moonlifter @safestsephiroth @thecat-inthehat @afflatus-solace @reflectionsofacreator @quartercirclejab @the-goggles-lizard @wandererspaean @ivaan-ffxiv @tovakiin @zulak-rah @jenesislabariel @twelvesavethequeen @wyranimh @cogflox @varae-ver-you-are (I’m sure I’m missing tons more, sorry.)

Seriously, guys, it’s been a while since I first stumbled through the Sandsea’s doors but it’s been a blast. Thank you for always making things feel at home despite the fact that RP isn’t really my thing. Whether we’re blitzing through content or goofing off in chat it’s been wonderful and I can’t wait to see what Stormblood has to offer for us.

Thank you to my raid static for 3.X: @khojin-arulaq @sessionzeroart @evrett

Though frustrating at times, raiding with you all was overall an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. It’s such a unique feeling when shit got challenging and we still managed to pull through. I’m grateful to you guys for what we did and value the friendships we made throughout. 

Thank you to @zenathered @kukurubean @foewreckem @korpokkur-kid @yaianse (and the whole turtle crew really) as well as @fatewalker @nyxastra @coeurlfist for being great enough to show off how awesome people on other servers can be. It’s been fun befriending each of you either through tumblr or whenever you nerds decide to log onto your respective alts. 

Thank you to @ladyrivienne @ferai-caolann @lavenderrpurr @manawalls @alannah-corvaine @abalathian @qarajin-borlaaq for being some of the downright best art motivation I’ve got. I’m pushing myself to improve constantly whenever any of you create something. It’s inspirational and that drive to improve you’ve given me is a debt I could never repay. 

Thank you to @sins-of-allag @ayyymeric @aether-eyes @dayst-ffxiv @lauranis @lunae-lux  @xaruun @invisiblebounds-ffxiv @fair-fae @lance-of-fury @tetenuko @tiergan-vashir @freshorenjuice @aethericseafarer @nightmaze @necrologos @sequoiaofeorzea @gaeliseeker @nalukaixiv @pygmaioi for a myriad of reasons between all of you. Thank you for being super supportive of both myself and the blog. For lending out a helping hand (or keeping my head out of my ass) and just for being good friends in and out of game.

Thank you to @mahnsturr @raelcsart @yalakid @dantroziman @doorway-through @fainfaineant for all the fun I’ve had with each of you in GRIMM. Thank you for all the great art of Amon and thank you so much Rae for taking care of my Alex’s ass. <3

THANK YOU TO MY MOTHERFUCKING DISCORD: @haila-wetyios @luma-lee @naveiasue @lyriahkarnelle @sharlayan-scholar @desertsaffron FOR PUTTING UP WITH ALL THE UNADULTERATED BAT-SHIT CRAZY NONSENSE THAT OCCURS IN THERE EACH DAY. It gets absolutely fucking wild sometimes in Unlimited Chat Works and I am fucking blessed that you guys still manage to put up with my bullshit. Whether we’ve been friends since the beginning or you’re just now realizing how crazy we are in there thank you. I love you guys with all my fucking heart and I have so much fun every single day in there with each of you. 

Thank you, @koidrakevice you fucker for so, so, much. For all the times we’ve spent late at night theory-crafting, grinding, researching, just...playing XIV. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t gotten me back into the game. I’ve grown so much because of you and being able to do content our way with you and Douglas is genuinely the thing I look forward to the most in Stormblood. Thank you, buddy, for being one of the best friends I’ve ever had and for playing XIV with me. It means more than you know and more than I’ll ever fucking admit because fuck you. 

Thank you always, @fishtailsushi I love you the world over and playing XIV together with you is something I’ll remember for the rest of our lives. You’ve grown so much in this game and in many aspects, you’re a far better player than I am. Thank you for continuing to stand with me and in making memories with all of our crazy friends. Thank you for pushing me to do better and supporting me through all of my doubts in-game and in real life. I love you poop, and thank you.~

Finally... thank you to everyone who’s been a part of the journey thus far. I’m not sure where things will end up in Stormblood, but I can promise you that I’m going to continue to improve, both as a player and a member of this crazy community. So if you’ve made it this far, take to heart that regardless of our differences, we’re all in this together. Fuck whatever discourse may pop up and just try to have fun and focus on all the good around you because as you can see, this place full of love, you’ve just got to open yourself up to it.-

Take care, and I’ll see you in Stormblood.

Patrick Amon.

[oliverfiles]

You were wrong.

Remember back when you told me I had to block, delete and stop talking to my ex all together because I was hurt over the break-up?

Our break-up was not bitter, it wasn’t because someone cheated/wanted to cheat. We honestly still loved and cared about each other, which is what made it so terribly painful for both of us. It was just due to our lives and circumstances, it would have never worked out. They only came to that realization before I did or maybe I knew, but was deeply in denial about it.

Just to give you a general update of things; we still talk a couple times a month, to catch up with each other. Yes, we did have a lot of painful conversations that NEEDED to be had. There was no way either of us could grow as individuals if things were left unsaid. If I had just blocked them, quit speaking all together, as you suggested numerous times, I would not have known mistakes I made and they would not have known mistakes they made either. This way, we can move on to new relationships and not make those same mistakes again. Yes, it was very painful, yes I got extremely depressed (which, btw, is really understandable, even if we didn’t talk ever again), but I’d like to think I’ve come out of things a better person because we both communicated AFTER we had broken up.

But what did I learn when you ditched me? I learned to be careful who I put my trust into; especially someone who doesn’t know how to communicate how they feel, who is so quick to block someone out of their lives simply due to mistakes and misunderstandings without even trying to talk about things first.

Now, I’m not denying mistakes I made during my trip to see you. Like the water flicking thing; I flicked water at you, you said stop, any time that anyone ever says that about something annoying that I’ve done, I have a compulsive need to do it just one more time. It’s like an itch you have to scratch and my body goes automatic and I have to do it just once more and I have no idea why I do it, but I do it to every one. I think the fact that I found it funny is because I’d known you 8 years and it was something about you that I didn’t know, especially since I’d seen videos of you at Summer camp with your students getting blasted with water guns, water cannons, etc and smiling through it. And when I say, “I found it funny,” I don’t mean laughing at you or finding your phobias and anxieties amusing, it was just like “whoa, I didn’t know that! I thought this dude was bulletproof~” (metaphorically speaking).

Playing on your PC; I guess I was a little confused on this one because you hyped up the fact that when I was there visiting you, you wanted me to play a lot of games on your computer since you knew my PC at home was bad, you wanted me to see how great PC gaming can look and feel. You wanted me to play PUBG and I did 2 times, I did terrible and gave up on it. I played Minecraft that one night with your friends. After that, you kept your PC off to lock me out of it. Despite what you think, I only tried to turn it on 1 single time and it was just by tapping the Space bar and moving your mouse because I thought it was asleep, when it didn’t come on, I gave up and didn’t try again. I spent most of my free time on my tablet or phone, in your living room, by myself... because you were in your room, on your phone, being angry with me, I guess.

Not offering to help wash the dishes the one night you cooked; It was my first evening there, I was in a new environment, I felt awkward and anxious. You asked for my plate, I handed it to you, I didn’t shove it into your hand as you walked by, I have never and would never do that to anyone. It’s also something that happens in my house, we will take the dishes to the kitchen for each other if we’re the first to get up, I didn’t think twice about it. I also didn’t know you were going to wash the dishes right afterwards and I would have gladly tried to help if you had told me you wanted or desired my help. Don’t say I should have known to help because that’s not how my brain works, I have to tell my Mom that every time she says, “you should be able to tell when [xyz] needs to be done!” because I don’t, I just don’t realize stuff like that, I HAVE to be told and reminded to do things. Even if your kitchen did seem a bit cramped to have a tall skinny guy and a short fat guy huddled around the sink to scrub 2 pans, 2 plates and the silverware. Yes, I did get on your PC when you were in the kitchen, it wasn’t the second you took my plate because I remember being observant of you in the kitchen for a bit first. It was because I still felt anxious and awkward, not sure what to say or do. So, I got up and did what made me feel comfortable, which was just to scroll around on the internet for a little bit.

Being loud that one night on Discord while playing Minecraft with your friends; I’m sorry if I was loud, I was talking very softly on discord because you were going to bed at 10:30 and I was no where near tired enough to sleep. I decided to log on discord on my tablet and see what your friends were up to. They asked if I wanted to play Minecraft with them and I agreed. I don’t know what else I was supposed to do, it was 10:30, I would not have been able to fall asleep for hours after that. Though I wish I was one of those people that could fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow, even when I’m dead tired, it can take me an hour or two to fall asleep. I couldn’t watch TV because it would have been louder than me talking and the light of the screen would have flashed right into y’all’s bedroom door. I couldn’t have watched Youtube on my phone or tablet because at that point, I didn’t have your wifi password and didn’t want to blow mine and Mom’s monthly data cap. You and C were in bed so I had no one to talk to or even just sit in silence with so, I turned to your friends to keep me company until I was sleepy. I was trying to be quiet so, I don’t know what loud noises you heard, but again, I’m sorry if my existing in your living room kept you from sleeping.

Not waking up when you were screaming at me to wake up; Apologies for not waking up to sounds, but I’ve been that way my whole life. My mom is the same way, she doesn’t wake up to noises either. We’ve learned my nieces are the same as well so, it must run in the family. You knew that tapping the mattress with your foot would wake me so, I don’t understand why you just didn’t do that every morning instead of wasting your time screaming at my unconscious body.

That one day with the train and you were waiting for me to be ready; This one, you said it bothered you the most and it’s the one that confuses me the most. I showered, I come out of the shower fully clothed, minus shoes. You look me dead in the eye as I come out of the shower and I raise my hand at you because C was laying there and I didn’t know if she was asleep or anything. But to me, the raising of the hand while you looked directly at me being fully clothed, I thought you realized that hey, he’s dressed, he’s probably done getting ready and is ready to go. I go, put my shoes on, sit down and take my phone out to look at it while you do whatever. Before I know it, you’re coming out of your room, looking grumpy and stuff like “why didn’t you come get me?” and I was confused because I thought I signaled to you. I’m sorry that there was a misunderstanding in hand signals, but I thought I let you know already and I didn’t know what you were doing in there so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [Edit] Also, when you said “how was I supposed to know?” and I said “magic”... it was A JOKE because what else was I supposed to say to that?

You didn’t like how I handled “the N situation”; I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t know there was a situation with N until she cut ties with me. All I knew is that I liked her, it scared and confused me and I acted weird around her. I made that one mistake on Snapchat (which wasn’t aimed at just her, but w/e no one asked me what I meant or how I felt, it was all just N’s complaining about it) and then beyond that, I feel like N took a lot of things the wrong way. Probably shit I posted here on Tumblr that wasn’t even aimed at anyone that any of you know, always people I have no contact with anymore. Tumblr is the only website where I vent and openly express how I really feel about things that happened to me IN MY PAST. Yes, I asked A how N was doing a lot because I was scared to ask N directly. Why? I liked her, I feared she would find me annoying, that I would bother her, I feared her rejection. But I never tried to start some drama with N, why would I? I liked her FFS. When we played games together, I tried my best to help her with every thing she asked for help with, gave her items she needed if I had them and helped her get them if I didn’t. I was never unkind to N, I never uttered an unkind word to N, I picked on her, yes, but I would never bully her, when she told me to stop with a joke she didn’t like, I respected her feelings and stopped. When I said N was a bad friend, it was AFTER she told me she didn’t want to be friends with me over that one stupid thing and it was that she was a bad friend TO ME, not in-general or anyone else. I’m sorry that I acted stupid around her, said stupid things to her AFTER the fact, but I just didn’t know how to behave like an adult because it hurt me. It was hurt of the breakup on top of hurt from her not wanting to be my friend after I tried my best to be nice to her... It was a punch in the gut that I was told that I wasn’t free to communicate how I felt on an open platform because it was “passive aggressive,” to be alone, self harming and suicidal and all of my friends left my messages on read when I needed them the most, including N. ~ When we were talking about going to Dave N Buster’s on the train home that day, I halfheartedly said that, “I bet N won’t come,” you warned me to drop it, it wasn’t me trying to start drama, it was me wanting her to come and meet me, to hang out and be around her. At that point, even after she told me she didn’t want to be friends, even after everything that happened, I still fucking liked her, like the moron I was. Yes, even after you warned me to drop it, I asked her if she would come and she told me again she didn’t want to be friends, I snapped at her... I was so extremely tired from walking so much over the past week, I was angry that she still felt that way, after trying my best to mend the friendship, I was angry that people kept spouting that I was making “drama” when the only person who was stirring the damn drama pot was N. I was just fucking sick and tired of trying to make things right with her.

I didn’t say Thank You a single time I was there; which I’m pretty sure is BS because I say thank you to everyone for every little thing. If I didn’t, it’s because I was anxious and being quiet. You’ll have to admit that you had a really negative vibe going for you a majority of the time I was there and maybe I felt it somehow. But when, in our 8 years of friendship, did I ever not thank you wholeheartedly for everything you did for me? When was I ever an ungrateful brat who was just out to take advantage of your kindness? You can’t count the times because it never fucking happened. Even when you did nothing, sometimes I would message you just to thank you for being a good friend to me, being there for me, etc. And I am grateful to you, back then and even now, for shaping me into the person I am today. Even if I didn’t always follow your advice, I listened and took it into consideration, but you have to realize that sometimes people just have to make their own decisions/mistakes, even if it annoys you. You also have to realize that I have anxiety and depression and advice that seems like things that are really easy to do might not be easy at all to me.

Anyways, some times I miss you a lot, but I realize you want nothing to do with me so, I respectfully stay away from you and all your friends. Hope you’re doing well though.