#It doesn't matter what John's meanings or intentions *were*. What matters is that Sam didn't feel safe or valuable

[future-dregs]

The issue that I have with the "gave me a .45" deal (and that I think Sam shares as well), is that it's both affirmative and dismissive. Because as Dean says, there are things out there in the dark, and it is arguably more irresponsible to act like there isn't.

But Sam came to John with a fear. "There's something in my closet." And John's response was to go "yes, there is, it's dangerous enough that I am arming you with a real and loaded gun, and no I'm not going to check it out or protect you, that's up to you."

Sam is a child who knows exactly how vulnerable he is, and that John is now putting the onus of responsibility on Sam's own shoulders. If Sam gets hurt its Sam's own fault. He had a gun you know.

(What matters isnt if John could or would or did protect him from things. What matters is that Sam (a child) wanted to know that he HAD a protector in the first place, and in his dad. Who "traditionally" should be the one performing that role. And John said no.)

[godmadeaterribleerror]

About Me!

Thea, She/Her, 20, unfortunately American. I write what I feel like, for better or worse. That usually means long (very long) series, but sometimes it means one-shots or mini-series.

If you want to be added to/removed from a taglist, please click here!

For rules about requests, click here!

For my masterlist, keep reading!

Series

No Love Lost - Soldier Boy x supe!Reader

Three years ago you were normal, but then you met Homelander at a stupid party, and woke up the next morning in a cell.

After almost two and a half years of you being Homelander's little project, Soldier Boy was woken up only go rouge and be put back under. Somewhere in there, you escaped. And before Queen Maeve went underground, she told William Butcher about the Anomaly, a powerful supe who recently escaped Vought captivity and may have an agenda against Homelander.

One month later, the Boys found you.

You spend the next five months helping them best you can, though your control over your powers is weak and your fear of Homelander makes you useless in combat. But you get an idea. A stupid, dangerous idea that turns you into Soldier Boy's keeper, giving him a second chance to take down Homelander, you hanging over his shoulder, a threat should he want to go nuclear again. It's exhausting and frustrating, and you might kill him and yourself as soon as this is over, but you said whatever it takes.

And this is what it takes.

Babylon the Great - Dean Winchester x Reader

There's something wrong with you that's not wrong with other people. You're a hunter, and a damn good one, but you might be a monster.

There might be something in you that needs to be put down. Something broken that can't be fixed.

It's why you've had one rule your whole life. The only thing your father has ever made clear is that, no matter what, you need to stay away from John Winchester. He can't even know you exist, or he'll kill you and never blink.

And when your paths cross a hunt, you should've run, but you didn't. You couldn't. Because you looked at Dean Winchester, and something changed inside of you. Something called you to him, and you can't figure out what it was, but you know it's strong. And you know that, whatever Dean's doing to you, you don't really care to fight it. Things are broken in you, just as much is broken in him, and you fit perfectly together in a way you'll never be able to describe.

But it's more complicated than that, though. The world pulls you and Dean apart again and again.

And you find your way back, again and again.

Mini-Series

Willing to Break - Dean Winchester x Reader

With the Mark of Cain getting out of hand, you and Sam convince Dean to try something different. A spell that won't fix the Mark, but will change it. Make Dean crave good things, things he likes, instead of death and blood.

It doesn't exactly go according to plan.

One-Shots

To Need Somebody - (Dean Winchester x Reader) After a hunt goes poorly, Dean retreats down a well-tread path of self-loathing

I Could Have You - (Dean Winchester x Reader) Dean is hit with a lust spell, and it doesn't seem to only be effecting him. No one's really sure why, and Dean refuses to give in to the curse, so you'll just ride this out.

Falling Into Me - (Dean Winchester x Reader) You're a virgin, and it's really not a big deal. Everyone was a virgin once. You're just a virgin longer. Maybe forever, because nobody really seems to be willing to solve that problem for you. You've never told Sam and Dean, and you don't have any intention to. Ever. But when a hunt goes wrong, Dean finds out. And he might have been keeping something from you as well.

Hold You Tight In My Mind - (Dean Winchester x Reader) You and Dean have an agreement. Best friends who have sex, no strings attached. But when a case goes south, you learn a few things about Dean, specifically his thoughts on the arrangement, and

Still You Want Me - Request! (Dean Winchester x Reader) Dean's fought the worst evil in the world, but only one thing has really managed to scare him. His pregnant wife.

Every Day That You Want - (Dean Winchester x Reader) You have big news for Dean. News you have to tell him, wether he likes it or not. You really hope he likes it, though.

Holy to Me - (Jensen Ackles x Reader) You feel out of place at a red carpet premiere, not quite believing that you belong there. Jensen thinks differently, and he plans to show you.

Just Giving In - (Dean Winchester x Reader) You're under a very annoying truth curse. The kind of truth curse that will kill you if one very specific, Dean-related truth isn't told. But apparently no one's allowed to just die in peace anymore.

Making Me Crazy - Request! (Soldier Boy x Reader) Ben overhears you doubting his generosity in bed, and immediately sets out to prove you wrong.

I'll Crawl Home - (Dean Winchester x Reader) You don't know who these men are, but they seem to know you. Your body seems to like the Handsome one a lot. But the more you manage to remember, the more lost you feel.

If You Only Knew Pt. 1 - Request! (Soldier Boy x Reader) Ben is experiencing feelings. Real feelings. For a woman. But his reputation his proceeds him, so trying to win her over is taking a while. Once he gets a chance, he simply fucking refuses to blow it.

[luna-rainbow]

So I was thinking about the super-soldier serum and the corrupting influence in relation to Bucky. The narrative of TFaTWS (is that the right abbreviation?) wants us to think Steve was the only person who was never corrupted by the serum.

It really annoys me because to me, its obvious that Bucky was never corrupted either and I think a large reason for that was because he never asked for it anyway. I mean yeah its theoretically possible for unasked for power to go to someone's head and for them to abuse it, but everything that happened to Bucky happened because other people were exploiting and using him for their own ends

I kept wanting to kind of yell every time someone rubbed the fact Bucky was a super-soldier in his face, John Walker, Zemo, even Sam at times because they all acted like he loved it or always wanted it or something.

If he had a choice, I dunno I think he just wanted to survive the war and go back home to live a normal life. If anything the serum was like a curse instead of a blessing for him and not something he derived a net benefit from overall.

What do you think?

I'll have no hope of finding my old post on this but yeah, lots of Bucky fans were pretty annoyed with that particular part of the storyline. It wasn't just Zemo saying "there's never been another Steve Rogers", it started with Walker saying "super soldiers don't exactly have a great track record no offence" along with Zemo talking about the Flagsmashers being supremacists (??) It's one of many examples where what is spoken doesn't match how they act, because a "one world one people" slogan is certainly not about any form of supremacy.

Erskine: The serum amplifies what is inside. Good becomes great. Bad becomes worse.

There were two ways of interpreting this: physical, and metaphorical. If the serum enhances everything physical, including the brain and its emotional centers, then yeah maybe it makes someone who is reckless more impulsive, someone who is prone to anger more aggressive, someone who is brave more fearless. I personally don't like this explanation because it seems...rather eugenics or essentialist to me, and the creation of Steve Rogers as Captain America was supposed to be a middle finger to the eugenics movement driven by the Nazis in the 1930s. It's like saying that what determines your actions and your personality is already embedded into your biology, so when your biology is enhanced, so are the good and bad traits in your personality. It doesn't seem to allow scope for personal choice as the main driver of people's actions.

The second option is a more metaphorical interpretation. The serum enhances physical strength and power (and presumably attractiveness), which tends to move people up the social ladder (regardless of whether this is the intention). And it falls back on the same motto that drives Peter Parker -- with great power comes great responsibility. When power falls into the hands of someone unscrupulous, it will tend to bring out their worst traits because the extra strength lowers their inhibitions. When power falls into the hands of someone idealistic and kind, one hopes they will take it upon themselves to use it responsibly and use it for good deeds.

So I agree, I think at some level, the intention behind becoming a super soldier does matter, because we've seen it impact on how people behave after they get their extra strength. The five Siberian super soldiers - their goal was to become better fighters and better spies, and they did, but they were so vicious they couldn't be contained. The Flagsmashers - I mean I'm not happy with their overall consistency, but you could argue their immaturity added a sense of vengefulness and anger to their purpose, which pushed them slowly onto the path of killing indiscriminately.

And Bucky? We have no indication he wanted to be any part of it. He didn't show jealousy at Steve's new bod, for one thing, just a concerned, "Did it hurt?" When Walker said, "This must be so easy for you, with all that serum in your veins." It was hard not to dislike him, because Bucky didn't choose to have the serum, and his protectiveness (in this case of Sam) predates the serum.

It wasn't the serum that turned Bucky into the Winter Soldier, as the series seem to imply at turns, although it seems to recognise at other times that it was the mind-control (and it never for a second even showed the torture Bucky went through). And aside from the Winter Soldier era, Bucky really doesn't have anything else to answer for...so yeah, I agree, I've always had issue with the way the series seem to emphasise that Steve was the only "good" super soldier.

If Bucky was "bad" simply through the serum, they wouldn't have needed to torture him to turn him into the Winter Soldier.

[scoobydoodean]

Adding onto the "John’s emotional outpourings" thought train:

I think it’s so interesting that in his final speech to Dean, not only does he applaud Dean for assuming the parentified and spousified role that he himself forced on him ("You took care of Sammy and you took care of me"), he also specifically praises Dean’s obedience and lack of self-advocacy in the matter ("You did that, and you didn't complain. Not once.")

Hearing John acknowledge everything Dean’s sacrificed for their family no doubt meant a lot to him, but I actually think it was very detrimental to his self-worth in the long run. It further cements the idea that Dean’s value is intrinsically tied to how useful he is to others, to how much shit he’s willing to take from loved ones without a word of protest, and to how much of himself he can give away. By the end of the season se see this idea culminate in him selling his soul ("At least this way, it’s like my life could mean something."), which is really just the natural extension of how his life and his body have always been treated as bargaining chips.

This is an interesting interpretation, Anon—not one I aim to take issue with, but since it's in my inbox, I'll share where my interpretation differs. It might be more in the sense of John's intentions.

I think there's a reason John opens with and mainly gives an apology—for being an empty shell—for Dean having to fill his shoes—and the majority of his speech being an apology and given within the context that John himself failed and that Dean had to fill his shoes biases me against interpreting the closing lines where he praises Dean's actions as him meaning to say that's where Dean's inherent worth lies.

JOHN You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say "It's okay, Dad" Dean, I'm sorry. DEAN What? JOHN You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast.

To me, John is saying the opposite of that Dean's worth lies in being the eternal care taker. It's him saying that Dean deserved to be protected and cherished and comforted, and John utterly failed, and instead Dean had to pick up his slack—carry his dead weight—and that wasn't fair. He finishes with,

You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.

I take this not as John necessarily praising that Dean didn't complain? I take it as an acknowledgment that Dean is an actual person. The same way John knew Dean wanted a home despite Dean insisting differently to us and Sam in various season 1 episodes, John understands that what Dean does and what Dean feels are different things. Dean is not the mindless John robot Sam framed Dean as in 1.10. There's a reason Dr. Ellicot wanted to make Dean better in 1.10 and tried to ghost-lobotomize him (because Dean was angry—because he resented his family [1.06]) but there's also a reason Dean was able to resist his ghost-lobotomy long enough to burn Ellicot's bones.

In regards to being proud of Dean—I mentioned that I think John focuses on this because he saw what tipped Dean off that he was possessed by Azazel in 1.22. But supplying further context here—1.21-1.22 are about Sam and John both fighting to be the first one to die for revenge... and being willing to sacrifice each other. In 1.22, as they are about to enter the building where John is located, Sam insists that Dean not bring The Colt with them. He doesn't want to waste a bullet for John. Sam insists this is what John would want, and Dean says he doesn't give a damn what John wants. Dean sneaks the gun in anyway, and kills a demon who's beating Sam to death with it. That's what leads to the conversation about the the wasted bullet with Azazel!John.

Dean: You’re not mad? John: For what? Dean: Using a bullet. John: Mad? I’m proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed. But you – you watch out for this family. You always have.

It's chilling that Azazel is the one to praise Dean, isn't it? And it's further chilling that that's what tips Dean off that this is not his dad.

Dean knows this isn't John specifically because John would not appreciate what Dean did for their family this whole episode—what Dean has always done in fact: keep their family afloat and keep them all alive while John was busy being stuck in his own head, burning with rage and vengeance... and even throwing blame at Dean. Dean got yelled at by Sam before he brought the gun in for wanting to prioritize John's safety over revenge, and Dean was ready to get yelled at by John too for prioritizing Sam over revenge. John would be too blinded by vengeance to notice or even give a damn that Dean saved Sam's life. John would tear Dean a new one for being the only rational person in the room—the only person who hasn't been swallowed whole by bloodlust to the point of not giving a damn about the rest of the family... and in a less extreme sense, this is how it has always been. Dean has always been unappreciated. So John shows a little goddamn appreciation for the fact that Dean kept them afloat— for the first time ever. Then pointedly—John's last act is to finally prioritize Dean's safety specifically over his revenge. He abandons the revenge quest that just one episode meant more than Dean or Sam's lives, and hands The Colt over to his mortal enemy to save his son. He chooses love for Dean over vengeance.

What sullies John's speech—what poisons it for Dean—is what John does right after. And this is what I meant about John "poisoning the well". John apologizes for putting everything on Dean's shoulders right before... leaving Dean with the bag for the rest of eternity. It isn't like John's going on vacation—he's going to Hell. But he still permanently makes Sam Dean's responsibility. He doesn't even tell Sam what's going on—he treats Sam like a child and makes Dean his permanent guardian, permanently foisting his parental obligations on his parentified son right after apologizing for allowing him to become parentified, and that ruins John's speech.

I think Dean selling his soul has several interconnected motivations, and absolutely—a gigantic one is Dean's parentification and the belief that he is disposable. Dean feeling disposable and like sacrificing for his family is all he's good for was never going to be solved by one conversation, but John's one conversation is also ruined, and arguably just makes Dean more resentful because John pushes at this scabbed over wound for Dean, making it raw, and instead of wrapping a bandage around it, he ultimately pushes his thumb in. However, also leading into Dean's demon deal is 1) Dean loves his brother. 2) Dean being made to feel responsible for Sam specifically for his entire life 3) Dean's believes he came back wrong and him being alive is unnatural (it's left a hole in his chest—he feels unbalanced—angry—off—almost monstrous) and sacrificing himself will restore the natural order and help him escape this looming monstrosity. 4) Dean is trying to escape John and Sam's expectations and demands—that he fulfill John's dying wish and make himself responsible for Sam by saving or killing him. In a disturbing way, it's how Dean is liberated.

By making the demon deal, Dean has fulfilled "saving Sam" through an very unintended loophole, and avoided "kill Sam"—a mandate Dean was perpetually haunted by all of season 2—that Sam was determined to enforce at every opportunity while knowing it was what made Dean want to die! Being responsible for the whole rest of Sam's life makes Dean tired—it's why he says he can't handle the weight on his shoulders—he can't handle the pressure and the expectations that he chain himself to Sam's destiny for eternity. He's tired. He just wants to escape... and he initially sees his demon deal as a light at the end of the tunnel—as a way to get away. It makes him feel good for the first time in a long time (3.01)... because he is freed of the burden of his family's expectations and demands. When Dean starts to explore why he doesn't care that he's dying... that's where he confronts his parentification and objectification.

[zmediaoutlet]

happy wincest thursday, liz!! what do you like to see in weecest fic?

aww yay, happy wincest thursday to you as well!

Hm hmm. Weecest. Well -- maybe it's more instructive for me to think about what I don't like to see, up to and including:

any kind of sexkittening. Just... no. Lolita Sam can also fall into a sewer where nothing's #aesthetically on point.

too-sophisticated attitudes about sex & relationships where it feels like they're blue-collar Cruel Intentions characters. You know? Even if Dean's fucked around (or been fucked, all around), he's still ~20 and therefore an idiot, and Sam's ~16 and therefore even idiot-er, and I want them to fumble around and be confused and have their emotions come as an overwhelming surprise, because they're kids! what's the point of weecest where they're not kids?

speaking of fucking around -- I don't like it when they're like way too experienced. There was this tendency in particularly older fic for Dean to have been fucking college girls since he was 14 or whatever the hell (have to assume that was written by teenagers, because anyone over 22 is going to look at a 14 year old and go 'ah, an infant') -- and even if Dean's been doing sex work of some kind, it feels goofy if that's like way ott standing on a corner misery porn rather than a series of opportunistic one-offs. Sam and Dean are both way too normally socialized (honestly, they really are) for it to be some goofy grodelord backstory of that type.

and so, following that, I do like to see some kind of normalcy (assuming we're going for a canon-feeling fic, which is always my pref). Sam should have some awareness of school & what normal people are like; Dean should be fretting about food and money and the car -- so they aren't existing in some weird incestuous oubliette where the rest of the world disappears, because Sam and Dean just don't do that and especially didn't when they were younger. Sam's got a school friend, Dean's got a girl at the grocery store he flirts with. I find wincest (either adult or wee) so much more interesting when they exist in a real world and move through it more or less competently and yet still turn inward to the family. Choice is always cooler than inevitability.

following again from normalcy: if a fic includes the conversation about how incest is illegal and either character says anything like the nothing we do is legal anyway, who cares?, I am exiting out and really considering doing the Ron Swanson meme of throwing my computer into the fucking dumpster. GOD. NEVER AGAIN. There's a reason I avoid first time fics, lol.

sorry I went into a brief rage blackout there -- uh, following again from normalcy: they do need to be aware of the incest thing being a problem but I don't want it to be necessarily about incest qua incest... which doesn't make a ton of sense as I write it out that way, but it's a tonal sweet spot that I'm looking for. Of course they should be weirded out and it should be intense and they should be overwhelmed (per the above bullet point), but given that they're kids I don't want them to have like a full adult horror at what the incest means. Worried John will find out and freak, sure -- knowing it has to be a secret, of course -- knowing that it's weird and probably gross, definitely -- and yet the hormonal tide they're being sucked into is too vast for all of that stuff to fully matter. I absolutely definitively do not fucking want Dean to say something like but we're brothers because no shit, of course they are, and there's something more tangled going on here.

If you haven't sensed it by now, I'm an infuriatingly picky fic reader. But I guess what all of this boils down to is the thing that's my preference in all fic: for them to feel like Sam and Dean Winchester from the canon of Supernatural, and for the setting of the fic to matter. I want it to matter that they're kids and I want it to feel like kids and not shitty fake Characters instead of people. High school settings where everyone's an overwrought and overwritten 27 year old suck. I'm not trying to watch Euphoria here; give me Sam Winchester age 15 being so confused and horny and upset and in love that he nuts in his shorts and Dean panics and then hugs him because he doesn't know what to do, either, because he's nineteen years old. Someone should probably get a noogie at some point. Idk.

Seriously though, the legal issues of incest thing: I will throw you into the sea.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 4 review (part 2)

Link to part 1:

Irene and I have finished season 4, finally, and I was surprised I still liked it like the first time I've watched it. I couldn't wait to get there (who knows why?) and I was actually afraid I wouldn't get as excited as I thought I would; but fortunately it still gives me the idea that it is one of the best Supernatural seasons.

It all starts with Dean coming back from hell and being clueless about how he did it. He soon finds out the Angel Of The Lord Castiel held him tight and raised him from perdition and that he has a fundamental role in the intent to stop Lilith's plans to free Lucifer from his cage and unleash the Apocalypse.

Will this review (and probably the next 11 ones) most likely be a little bit biased for Destiel? Definitely. Will I try to stay as objective as I can? Yes, but this doesn't mean I'll be very objective, after all I'm writing this review knowing what is going to happen in the next seasons (and, more precisely, in the scene, you know which one I'm talking about).

I honestly don't even know where to start, so I'm going to comment on what I think is important as the season goes on.

I believe 04x01 is one of the best episodes of this season (and maybe even one of my favourite episodes ever) for several reasons. We have Dean coming back from hell and meeting again with Bobby and Sam (and both of these moments are very touching, especially Sam's one). Although the reunion might be heartwarming, Sam is already keeping secrets from Dean: he is collaborating with Ruby to defeat Lilith (and in the meantime he's using his powers, which are stronger than ever, cause he's drinking demon blood to increase them). He lies to Dean, telling him he stopped trying to use his abilities against the enemy, and that causes the biggest drama between the two brothers this season (that will continue on the next one). Dean (and the others) wants to find out who's trying to contact him and who brought him back from hell: I love the way Castiel is slowly introduced during this episode. At first with the ultrasounds and the handprint (which is definitely a fantastic touch, that kinda shows a little possessive side if you think about it, and it is inevitably funny if you know everything that happens later on), then through Pamela, showing already all his power, and at the end of the episode there's a "dramatic" moment where Dean (and Bobby) finally meets Castiel (in his vessel) for the first time, and this might be one of the most epic and iconic scenes in Supernatural. The dynamic between these two is fantastic from the beginning (am I saying this because I'm totally biased?) and the line "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" shows how Castiel has already understood Dean Winchester from just a look (and he's an angel who's not supposed to feel or understand feelings! Wow, the power of Destiel).

Moving on from this episode, in the second one we find out from Castiel that Lilith wants to break the 66 seals, foretelling the Apocalypse, in order to free Lucifer. On a side note, I like how bitchy Castiel is towards Dean at the beginning of their relationship ("Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier", "You should show me some respect, I dragged you out of hell, I can throw you back in").

I love episode 04x03 because I usually adore time travel (it often leads to some funny and very unusual situations) and I find this one extremely sad and touching, mostly because Dean has the opportunity to meet his parents when they are still young (and Mary and John's sides he didn't know about) and finds out how their family became cursed (and the worst thing is he can't change its destiny).

In episode 04x04 Dean finds out Sam has been working with Ruby this whole time and gets mad about it, which is pretty reasonable. As much as a part of me hates when Sam and Dean fight, another part of me loves it, especially in this season, and it's probably because I think both of them are right and wrong at the same time. Ruby seems reliable (for now much more than the angels) and Sam truly did some good with her, so it is logical for Sam to trust her, since she apparently hasn't done anything against him and she has also saved him (which Sam confesses to Dean on episode 04x09). On the other hand I understand why Dean wouldn't want his brother to continue his process of strengthening his powers: he's afraid Sam won't be the same. Plus his brother lied to him, so it becomes hard for Dean to trust him, and this episode marks a pretty sad change in their relationship that will only get worse later in the season.

I should also mention 04x07 in which two witches want to bring Samhain, a celtic god, back from the dead. By doing that another of the 66 seals would be broken so Dean and Sam, who were working on the case, are told by Castiel and Uriel (another angel) that Uriel has to destroy the city, since the two brothers can't stop the witches from bringing Samhain back. Dean wants to prevent Uriel from doing a massacre and convince Castiel to wait for a few hours and let them take care of the witches. They can't stop them and Sam confronts Samhain using his powers, although he promised Dean he wouldn't use them anymore. At the end of the episode Castiel confesses to Dean that his orders were to follow Dean's instructions and admits he has doubts towards God. I consider this conversation very important, since this is the first time Castiel lets Dean have a look at his inner thoughts, even if Castiel himself is afraid of them, which gets me thinking that he already trusts Dean.

I also wanted to point out that Dean starts calling Castiel "Cas" pretty soon, even if he doesn’t want to trust him yet (although I believe he already does unconsciously). And what's even funnier is that, by calling him "Cas", he removes from his name the part that means "of God", which kinda gives you already an idea of what it's going to happen to him.

In episode 04x09 we meet Anna, a fallen angel, who doesn't even remember she has ever been one, since now she's human and has lived a human life for years. Dean and Sam meet her because she seems to be capable of getting in contact with the angels and is suddenly wanted from both angels (who want her death because she rebelled from heaven) and demons (one of them is Alastair, who knows Dean from hell). Anna and Dean form a sort of bond and she tells him she fell from heaven because she fell in love with humanity (they also have sex in the Impala, but that's way less relevant, although I want to point out that she covers Castiel's mark on Dean's shoulder with her hand, which is a bit disturbing). They can't stop the angels from coming for her so when they arrive we see a beautiful totally not programmed and still hilarious scene of Dean and Anna kissing and Castiel looking at first intensively at them and then shamefully at the ground. I mean, what was that? I understand that Anna and Castiel are sort of parallels, because they are both two angels falling from humanity (they also talk about feelings and Castiel confesses he has already started having emotions), but isn't it the whole point of Destiel? An angel that falls in love with humanity because of one man (Dean, if that wasn't already obvious)? And we get this concept involuntarily since season four? That's… funny. Apart from all of that, Anna manages to get her grace back and hides from Castiel and Uriel.

Another important element in this episode, and in the whole season, is Dean's experience in hell, in which time works differently (four months equivalent to forty years). He finally tells Sam what it has been like and totally breaks down as he says he has spent thirty years being tortured and, since he couldn't resist anymore, the ten left torturing other souls. He also adds in the next episode, with shame, that in torturing souls he felt pleasure, because all the pain felt as a victim disappeared: this is what devastated him the most. I feel like Dean's time in hell inevitably shaped his personality a lot in this season, but it's a thing that changes him forever. He is more mature and somehow self-aware (and I love this aspect), but he's also way more desperate and hopeless (a trade I think characterises Dean way more than Sam in every season, but that's definitely more persistent in this one than it's ever been). I might be a bit sadistic, but I don't mind the bad parts Dean has kept from hell either: they show us a vulnerable side that Dean has always tried to hide. There's also the evident contraposition between Sam's physical power and apparent strong state of mind and Dean's unstable, weak and soft one (also relative to what Dean's big role is in this season and what Sam is actually capable of doing to prevent the apocalypse).

I'd talk about episode 04x14 just to mention the fact that the siren (who's supposed to turn into the person who should most sexually attract his victim) decides to show himself to Dean as a man. I get he was supposed to replace Sam's role as a brother, but the whole setting, the fact that sirens' attractiveness is usually sexual and the fact that even the actor who played the siren admitted the whole scene was a bit sensual should tell us something (it also seems funny that they had to precise multiple times he was trying to be his brother because otherwise that would have seemed too gay, it still seems gay, but whatever).

In episode 04x16 someone is killing the angels and Castiel asks Dean for help to find out who the killer is. The angels have the demon Alastair captured and Castiel tells Dean he's the only one who can torture him. The angel seems to be really upset about it, because he knows how this could hurt Dean, since this is what he has been doing for the past ten years in hell. Dean decides to do it anyway and he finds out from Alastair, during the torture, that he is the one who has broken the first seal (by deciding to torture souls) and made the first step to bring Lucifer back. This obviously breaks Dean even more, since he already hates what he has done in hell, and makes him believe he's not capable of doing what the angels want from him (and he admits it to Castiel, and in the next episode his superior Zacharia tries to convince Dean he's the right man by showing him that even in other realities he would end up killing monsters). We later find out that the one who killed the angels was Uriel that, hating humans, was on Lucifer's side. He asks Castiel to join him but he refuses and Anna, saving Castiel from a fight with Uriel, kills him. I don't have much thoughts on Uriel, I didn't like him even when he was supposedly on the good side. The only thing I like about him is that he had already acknowledged the fact that Castiel likes Dean (who would've thought?).

I have to mention episode 04x18 as I think is one of my favourites of the season and that starts a series of other fantastic episodes (and basically another reality). Sam and Dean find out their life has been written (and published) by Chuck, who's apparently a prophet of God (and turns out to be quite useful later on). This is one of my favourite things Supernatural likes to do: metanarrative. In my opinion it really brings out something new and extremely funny (especially since I know this won't be the last time the two brothers will have to deal with Supernatural).

Another important episode is 04x19, where Sam and Dean find out they have a stepbrother, Adam, who doesn't know about their dad's secret life of hunting. It's obvious the most hurt by the situation is Dean, who would have never thought John could lie about something like that and who's somehow jealous of Adam, since he had the opportunity to live a normal life that could have been possible for him and Sam as well. The one thing that surprised me was that he didn't want him to learn how to hunt (unlike Sam, who thought it could be a good idea for Adam to know how to protect himself). I think Dean shows how he has changed throughout the years and now believes that, since the kid had the opportunity to live a normal life, he doesn't want him to experience what they have. He's more mature and he has become way better than his father and it's funny how now Sam is the one who thinks more like John (although I think there is still a relevant difference between the two of them, fortunately). We eventually find out that it wasn't Adam, but the monster they were fighting, and that Adam is already dead: at first I was a little bit surprised because I remembered that Adam would be in the next season, but it's Supernatural, so I should be used to it by now.

The next episode is important especially for showing us sides of Castiel's life that were not entirely clear before: in this case we find out how the angel reached out his vessel, Jimmy Novak. As much as I can see why Castiel had to occupy Jimmy's body, it's totally understandable that the man wants to go back to his life and that he doesn't want anything more to do with Castiel and everything about him. I also understand that he doesn't want to be with the Winchesters, although objectively they are right to want to keep him away from his family. In general the situation is definitely complicated and, from Jimmy's point of view, quite tragic. We can also tell Castiel, as much as he is already more empathic than the other angels, is not human and can't quite think like one, even if he has Dean who shows him his perspective. Knowing everything that happens to him later on makes me understand how much he has changed throughout the seasons (and knowing who has made that change possible warms my heart). It was quite strange to see Castiel acting like this since at this point I'm used to the Castiel in the latest seasons, but overall I like him a lot in the earlier ones as well.

At this point of the season, drinking demon blood for Sam has become like a drug and Dean can't continue to let his brother ruin himself like that, so with Bobby he decides to lock him in Bobby's panic room. I understand Dean is scared of what Sam could become and is becoming, but at this point Sam is at a level so high that he can't make it without demon blood, and staying for a long time without it could really hurt him further. It also seems that Sam is the only solution to kill Lilith and end the arrival of the Apocalypse. Of course Dean continues to argue that it's best to exclude Sam from this matter given his status, but Sam runs away and tracks down Ruby, with whom he's been working all season trying to be as discreet as possible so as not to worry Dean.

Sam's series of lies, the concern that he might become a monster, and the close collaboration with Ruby increase Dean's anger and disappointment with his brother throughout the season. He no longer trusts him and this deeply saddens both Sam and Dean himself, because he realizes that something has broken between them by now. As much as Sam may have his good reasons for wanting to work with Ruby (and he has), I think he's handled this situation in the worst possible way and that Dean is right about not trusting him anymore (or maybe I'm just a little conditioned by my love for Dean).

I think another reason that has increased the anger towards Sam is the fact that he has repeatedly admitted that he has been decidedly stronger than Dean since he was in hell. It's probably something they both agree on, but Dean is used to considering himself weak and not strong enough to sustain a certain situation. The thing that saddens Dean the most is the fact that his brother thinks so too.

However, this conflict ends with a fight between the two after Dean is able to find his brother. As much as I'm on Dean's side, I hated it when he called Sam a monster, because he knows that's the biggest fear that haunts his brother and calling it like that must have really destroyed him. After the fight everyone goes for his path: Sam with Ruby and Dean, finally convinced by Castiel, with the angels.

Shortly after, however, he discovers that his real role is not to stop the Apocalypse but to stop Lucifer, because he will be Micheal's vessel, and that when Lilith is killed the last seal will be broken, giving way to the Apocalypse. Dean disagrees with the angels and tries to convince Castiel to side with him and abandon the angels to try to stop the Apocalypse.

The twist itself is well constructed, although in my opinion, to make it even better, they could have shown angels as decidedly more reliable creatures, and then break all our trust (and with it also Dean's hopes). During the end of the season, apart from Castiel, the most reliable one seems to be Ruby. And that's why I think this is a much better twist: Sam completely relied on the demon, who always proved to be there for him, and to kill Lilith seems like the most logical move to make to prevent Lucifer from resurrecting. Even when I knew Ruby was cheating Sam the dynamic seemed so unexpected to me that I didn't even remember how she would do it. On top of that Sam's willingness to kill Lilith (mostly for revenge) and to stop the rise of Lucifer is actually what permits Lucifer to rise. So I can only imagine how guilty Sam felt after he realized what he had done (and the worst but best thing at the same time is that it's not even his fault, not entirely at least). Eventually the two brothers open and close the circle of the Apocalypse's arrival, which adds a touch of perfection to the whole situation.

Dean, after convincing Castiel to side with him, goes to Chuck to find where Lilith, Ruby and Sam are. Castiel transports Dean to Sam and tries to stop the angels who want the Apocalypse to begin, losing his life. This is another great step Castiel takes for Dean against his own brothers, proving that he now considers himself at Dean's side more than any other person's side. Dean arrives too late to stop Sam, who has already killed Lilith, and the fourth season ends with a confused and desperate Sam, an angry and desperate Dean, and Lucifer returning.

In the end I believe that this is the best season of Supernatural so far for several reasons: the arrival of Castiel who adds new aspects both to the Supernatural universe (talking about angels) and to the character of Dean (and later also to that of Sam), the continuous struggle between the two brothers, Ruby's character (which I think has been made quite effectively and which has also improved this season, as well as her relationship with Sam), the plot twist and the change that hell caused in Dean.

Usually this is considered one of the best seasons of Supernatural, and I completely agree, but having seen the series with long time gaps I feel I'll be able to judge only at the end of the fifteenth if this (and the fifth) are actually the best seasons of Supernatural, at least for me.

- Carly 💚

[eruthiawenluin]

Fandom Reaction to Sam and Loss

I still see people talk about how Sam just “throws innocent people to the wolves to get what he wants" when he doesn’t have Dean or needs to save him. I’m certain this idea derives from two places: Mystery Spot and the beginning of season 10. The specific post in question (my last straw before digging into meta) also speaks of Dean without Sam in a much more sympathetic way. I wouldn’t call it an ignorant argument, but I believe it’s a direct result of a narrative bias.

I understand this perspective in Mystery Spot. The Trickster, disguised as Bobby, tells Sam they need to bleed a person dry to summon it. He appears incredulous at first, but essentially says he doesn't care. Then Bobby offers himself up, and Sam agrees to it, but behind his back switches out the knife Bobby gave him for the stake that kills Tricksters. Then Sam stabs him, saying, "You're not Bobby." This is such a complex scene. First off, after Bobby delivers the news, Sam says he would kill someone to save Dean (which is where the "Sam will throw innocents to the wolves" originates from), but when Bobby offers himself up in place of an innocent, Sam "kills" the Trickster, who is his only shot at getting Dean back. Just as I question whether Dean was going to kill Sam or decided not to last minute in 10.23, my first instinct is to question if he may have known prior to when the audience finds out. It works: his readiness to make sacrifices plays into the Trickster's game to a point where Sam can turn the tables, and we can never tell when exactly it is that Sam sees through the Trickster's act. Sam spent months studying and tracking the Trickster, he could've figured it out when "Bobby" called him. Though there's other aspects: Sam's speech was incredibly heartfelt, he wanted his brother back and was very emotional, desperate, and angry, he may have been speaking hypothetically (much easier said than done, and perhaps the writers didn't want it to go that far- Sam's fazed when Bobby steps up), and by the writers' intent it appears he's on the edge of some metaphorical cliff of inhibitions. It's also possible Sam rationalized that, since his intent was to go back to that Tuesday or Wednesday in the first place, any damage he caused didn't matter since the timeline would be changed anyway. Sam is near robotic in his single-mindedness over six months time, so basing it entirely on this one instance of Sam being without Dean/trying to save him or "get what he wants" alone doesn't provide enough contextual evidence for "throws innocent people to the wolves."

The next time we see Sam without Dean, which must not have occurred to many fans, is when Dean is in Hell for those four months between seasons 3 and 4. This doesn't comply with Sam "throwing innocents to the wolves" to save Dean at all, and it's not long after Mystery Spot. Sam tries to sell his own sell to save his brother from torture, which isn't as much the same as Dean or John selling their souls because 1.) Dean and Sam were not knowingly being tortured/needed saving, and 2.) though similar to John's deal, Sam was not asking for any time to be with Dean, only to stop the Hell torture. This doesn't harm anyone but himself (though it doesn't account for how Dean will react -unhappily- to it). Later, we see Ruby offer her assistance to Sam, but Sam does the exact opposite of harming an innocent. He confronts her about using an innocent vessel, the victim nobody else is concerned about because the means meet the ends to them.

The next time we see Sam without Dean after that, he thinks Dean is dead and in Heaven. He follows through on their promise not to continue a destructive cycle of bringing the other back. He doesn't hurt anyone (except a dog inadvertently through reckless driving- an externality of his grief). This doesn't show Sam unhinged more sot than not coping, though he isn't trying to resurrect Dean in this case.

The episodes that this most genuinely comes from are the first three of season 10, where Sam uses a man to summon a crossroads demon because they won't answer to him, and against Sam's warnings, the man sells his soul. Now, Sam did introduce the guy to the business in the first place, but he made an informed choice of his own accord. It was a skeevy thing to do, but it still doesn't seem to meet the criteria for as sharp a phrase as "throw innocents to the wolves to get what he wants." However, demon Dean seems to view it as such while using a backwards armchair psychology to guilt Sam, presumably so he won't be made human again. The show says Sam has "gone dark-side," and Deanmon questions who the real monster is. The writers' want the audience to think that Sam inadvertently causing a man's death in his search for Crowley's lackeys and the demon presumably possessing his brother's corpse makes Sam more monstrous than demon Dean, who is dependent on killing people for survival and for entertainment. Although, when Sam is "a monster" or "not Sam" Dean's own humanity never comes into question, even when he makes questionable actions.

Interestingly enough, Dean's never given options that don't allow him to cop out of causing harm to innocents (unless you count Sam or, inadvertently, Kevin- though he gets sympathy for it) or, overall, make him out to be a monster. In fact, the post describes Dean as "just going through the motions" and mentions his alcoholism when he's without Sam. Now, I don't believe there's as much Dean without Sam as Sam without Dean through the series. We're given the season 2 finale, when Dean makes his deal and seems to stop caring about the world ("Then let it end!") and proceeds to sell his soul to bring Sam back. The main focus of this lays on his lacking self-worth because of John selling his soul for him, where Dean seems to have assigned a literal value to himself. Sam calls him out on his hypocrisy and self-centeredness because Dean did it to relieve his own grief in the moment despite knowing the psychological effects it has on the person you sell your soul for, but that's the extent of the backlash for Dean (besides "we love you."). The way the show is engineered places Dean in the eye of the storm, moral high-ground by circumstance; whereas Sam is caught in a net of suspicion, his humanity and moral alignment is questioned, and his agency is often rescinded by someone written as a righteous judge and jury (typically Dean).

When Dean comes back in Lazarus Rising, he is the audience surrogate and Sam is the one in question. When Sam comes back in Exile on Main Street, Dean is the audience surrogate and Sam is the one in question. When Dean comes back in We Need to Talk About Kevin, Dean is the audience surrogate and Sam is the one in question. Even in season 10, Sam's whereabouts are the "mysterious" ones, and the writers go out of their way to justify Dean's actions- they even ended the demon Dean plot early for the 200th episode, even though their "evil addict" Sam plot of s4 was ever present in the 100th. When Dean was without Sam between seasons 5 and 6, he wasn't going to abide by Sam's final wishes and leave him in the Cage, which could have jeopardized the world. When Dean returns in season 8, he expects it out of Sam to have done something to bring him back (though it was established that Sam didn't know Dean was in Purgatory) despite the potential risk (it took years for an Archangel to find one spell that could open Purgatory, which ended in disaster). And in The End, future!Dean actually sacrificed his friends, as 2009!Dean comments. From what I've observed, Dean is more likely to "throw innocents to the wolves," but it's never been lingered on in canon like it has for Sam.

Not to mention, did Sam not go through the motions and drink heavily or other more socially acceptable reactions when he was grieving or without Dean? How come Sam gets such negative focus?

These roles comply with the narrative bias of big-brother-knows-best and little-unexpectedly-unstable-brother-needs-big-bro-as-a-moral-compass, a component of Dean parentification. As we know, this concept is able to warp abuse into a loving context and is burdensome to both brothers, but particularly Sam. And, of course, because anything implying Dean is the Righteous Brother™ sets me on edge, I went and organized my thoughts via meta. This isn't just a callout of one particular post but of a fandom phenomenon I've seen since I joined it over two years ago. I can't recall ever seeing much speculation on Sam in Mystery Spot, oddly enough, and to most people it exemplifies the negative connotation of mutual brotherly codependency and is often used to show that Sam is the "more dangerous" of the brothers even though he generally appears less so- this establishes trust in Dean and justifies his controlling Sam while romanticizing it. Some have called it a fetishization of a power-imbalance, and I don't think they're amiss.