#It doesn't help the concerns that it's the beginning of can't feel a damn thing spiritually because uterus week | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

osarina · 6 months ago

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ᡣ𐭩 IF I WAS BORN A BLACKTHORN TREE

FEATURING: dazai osamu

SUMMARY: it's finally the night of the event you've been preparing so ardently for. it's going as well as it can be considering the circumstances—or it is until dazai osamu shows up and throws you off your game. suddenly confused and concerned, you can't help but wonder if maybe things aren't what they seemed with the civilian you've grown so attached to.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: PART THREEEEEEEEE!!! hehehe we finally have some major plot development here <.< i was rlly excited for this chapter it was one of the ones i was looking forward to most when plotting the series. anyway, tae some more of reader being THE it girl ever - actually i was rlly excited for this because i havent really had the chance to showcase pmreader in her element the canon universe so i had fun with it here

GENERAL WARNINGS: fem!reader, port mafia executive!reader, civilian!dazai, dazai's struggles w suicide & sh, reader partakes in mafia business, dazai isn't dazai without a bit of obsessiveness and possessiveness (the possessiveness doesn't come til later but the obsessiveness starts from day 0).

CHAPTER SPECIFIC WARNINGS: lots of politics, dazai has the beginning of a panic attack, jealousy on both ends

SEE: WASTELAND, BABY! SERIES MASTERLIST

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Chuuya asks, leaning over the center console to look at you, watching as you dab on lipstick in the mirror.

In the driver’s seat, Albatross snorts, and he sees how you hardly refrain from rolling your eyes—Chuuya has half a mind to use his ability to rattle the car while you’re finishing up your makeup just to piss you off, but he has a feeling that you’ll lose your shit if he does that. You’re about to head into the event being hosted by the government for that agency in Tokyo, and Chuuya is just not feeling good about it. He’s felt this way since you were finishing up preparations at the headquarters an hour ago, forcing his way into the car with you and Albatross before you left.

“Chuuya, your face has been plastered all over Japan’s most wanted for three years. How do you propose you walk in with me without confirming that the Mori Corp. is a front for the Port Mafia?” you sigh heavily.

Chuuya bristles. “I just don’t have the best feeling,” he says defensively. “Forgive me for being worried. Damn.”

Chuuya settles back against the middle seat in the back row, letting out a sharp puff of air and pointedly turning his head away. He stares ahead, mind racing—it’s barely been a week since the operation against the Ingawa-kai. His body is still sore, and he should probably still be on bed rest, but he wasn’t going to laze around his apartment while you’re out here still healing from having your stomach sliced open.

By him.

Well, you won’t say what caused the almost lethal injury, but Chuuya knows it was from when he was in his Corrupted state. Whether it was by accident or because Arahabaki targeted you when you approached him, it doesn’t matter—the guilt he feels remains the same.

“It’s just a government event, Chuuya,” you say, looking back at him. “I’ve been to hundreds of them, relax.”

Yeah, but never so soon after a major operation against a Yakuza syndicate. Tokyo is Shimazaki-kai territory—they’ve always worked closely with the Inagawa-kai, and he doubts they’ll take kindly to Port Mafia presence in their heartland after they just annihilated one of the branches of their biggest ally.

“Just be careful,” Chuuya says quietly when he sees you’re about to step out of the car. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not Albatross,” you say dryly.

“The fuck did I do?” Albatross demands once the abrupt and uncalled-for insult registers, head snapping to the side to look at you.

You only give him a sharp smile and wag your fingers in a mocking wave before stepping out of the car and making your way to the steps of the city hall. Chuuya only feels slightly relieved at the sight of Kiyomasa Daichi of the Sun and Steel immediately making his way over to you to escort you into the building.

As soon as you’re out of sight, Chuuya is gnawing at his bottom lip, grateful that his gloves are preventing his nails from drawing blood from his palms. You’re right—you’ve done this hundreds of times before, attending these types of events since you were fifteen with Lippmann chaperoning, taking over them alone when you were sixteen just because of how impressed Lippmann was with how easily you were able to navigate the intricacies of political webs and veiled conversation.

So, why is that nagging feeling still-

“Yo, what the fuck?” Albatross suddenly says, straightening up in his seat, eyes pinned on a figure making their way into the city hall.

Alarmed, Chuuya follows his gaze quickly, eyes widening when he registers what Albatross is seeing. “Isn’t that…?”

Dazai Osamu.

That civilian you’d been seeing for a few weeks. You cut him off a few days ago, Chuuya doubted it at first when you said you’d done it, but then he’d seen how much withdrawn you’d become the past few days. How you bought yourself a new phone with a new number. Chuuya feels guilty over that, too. He can see the way it’s tolled on you—you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet during meetings, constantly glancing down at your phone as if expecting messages from him—but Chuuya would also prefer this than to make you go through the same devastation he felt years ago that still weighs to this day.

“Yeah,” Albatross says, jaw tight. “The fuck is he doing here? It’s going to throw her off—there’s no way she knew this. What do we do?”

“We can’t do anything,” Chuuya says, pulling out his phone to warn you that your civilian is evidently attending this event even though he knows damn well you don’t check your phone while on missions like this. “Fuck. The Shimazaki-kai are attending this event. The Boss is still trying to settle things with them after our conflict with the Inagawa-kai—it’s not going well.”

“Yeah,” Albatross scoffs. “Apparently, the oyabun’s daughter was married to one of the Inagawa-kai’s shatei. We’re probably gonna end up at war with them too—heard that they took in most of the Inagawa-kai’s refugees from our operation.”

Shit.

That Chuuya didn’t know. Family is everything to the Yakuza syndicates—if the head of the Shimazaki-kai married off his daughter to one of the sons of the head of the Inagawa-kai… they’re a lot more tightly aligned than Chuuya initially thought. Attack on one is attack on all, or however that saying goes. Even if they don’t know that you’re the one that ordered the operation, they know you’re an executive of the Port Mafia, and that would be enough…

“They’ll be watching her like a fucking hawk,” Chuuya says, his throat swollen. “If they’re smart…”

If they’re smart, they’ll take you out now.

“I should go in,” Chuuya says, fingers curling around the handle of the door.

“Don’t,” Albatross tells him, giving Chuuya a short look. “If you blow her cover in there, it’ll fuck the Mafia over completely. We can’t lose our foothold in the Diet. Not with this bill about to pass through.”

Chuuya takes in a short, shaky breath, pulling off his hat and running his fingers through his hair. “If they see her with him-”

God, he can’t even finish the sentence, looking down to see his hands covered in familiar blood, a cold body in his arms. He-

“Chuuya,” Albatross says, twisting around to face him, reaching back to grab Chuuya’s hair and force him to look up and away from his bloodied hands. “She’s smart, she’ll be fine. She won’t seek him out.”

“And what if he goes up to her?” Chuuya hisses.

Albatross looks away grimly. “… Let’s just hope he doesn’t.”

Dazai feels distinctly out of place as he makes small talk with two House Representatives. He plays his part well, that’s for sure—he can feel Hinami hanging off his arm, watching him with wide eyes, stammering over words whenever she’s addressed by either of the politicians—but he feels like he looks like a fraud. Like everyone can tell that he’s just talking out of his ass and hoping for the best. Like everyone knows that he doesn’t belong.

He knows that he’s only in his own head about it. The two Representatives he’s talking to treat him like he’s one of their own and not a college student who doesn’t know jack shit about what he’s talking about. He supposes he has you to thank for that—knowing what to look for, it’s easy to pick out who belongs and who doesn’t, and because of that, it’s easy for him to figure out how to belong. Ayato sticks out like a sore thumb from where he’s trying a little too hard to talk to one of the Councillors, Dazai thinks Hinami would be too if she wasn’t attached to him.

He misses you. It’s only been a few days, but he misses you badly. His lips tingle from where you’d kissed him that night, and he can still feel the weight of your body on his. He misses you, and this event just makes him think even more of you. All of these people, this whole event, it all reminds him of you and Dazai can’t help but wonder if he’d feel more comfortable here with you at his side.

“I have to ask, Dazai-san,” one of the representatives—Hayashi, if Dazai remembers correctly—suddenly asks, drawing him from his thoughts. “Where did you get your suit? The tailor that works at the warehouse I usually get mine ended up quitting recently, and I’m looking for a new one.”

“Kido’s boutique in Nishi-ku,” Dazai tells him, a bit surprised when he watches the man’s eyes widen a bit in astonishment. “You know about it?”

“Who doesn’t? How did you manage to get a fitting with him?” the other man—Sato?—sighs, envy edging into his tone. “Kido-san is so selective with his clients. He turned me away when I went in for a fitting.”

Oh, Dazai thinks, surprised. He figured that Kido’s boutique was high-class, but the fact that even people like Hayashi and Sato, who were very clearly well off with notably important positions in society as two of the more vocal members of the House of Representatives, couldn’t even get a fitting with the man leaves Dazai a bit put off.

“My brother-in-law got a fitting with him a few months ago for his son’s wedding,” Hayashi says, looking more at Sato now as he speaks. “He’s on the board of the Age of Blue Company and even he had to pull strings to get the appointment. Cost him nearly a million yen.”

Dazai has to physically force himself not to blanch at his words. Nearly a million yen—that’s more than what Dazai made in two months back when he was working full time and for a suit that he’s probably going to wear once.

Ridiculous.

Dazai hates rich people.

He can feel Hinami’s eyes on him, the way her arm tightens around his. Dazai wishes it was you on his arm instead. Or maybe him on yours, he’s not picky. He doesn’t even know why she’s attached herself like this to him—they’d make more progress splitting up. They’re seriously limiting their scope by only having two opportunities to talk to people but Hinami has been intent on staying at Dazai’s side no matter how much he urges her to go off and talk to people on her own.

Observe. Small talk. Gather information.

Not hard, not really. Dazai is good at putting on masks and blending in with people, and you certainly made it easier by making him look the part, but it doesn’t change the discomfort he feels, the lingering fear that people can see right through him. He likes to play the role of the clown because it distracts people from looking too deep, but that’s not an option in a setting like this, and he thinks people are still seeing him as a clown but for all of the wrong reasons: he’s dressed up in clothes that feel more like a costume than an outfit, he’s talking about subjects that go over his head even after he’s studied them in preparation for this, his face is stretched into a smile that feels foreign on his face.

He hasn’t made much progress with gathering any useful information. Either he’s prodding at the wrong people, or they’re being extra careful not to let anything slip—could be both. Professor Ui gave them an overview of the important figures that are going to be in attendance and the ultimate goal would be to eventually talk with the majority leader in the House of Representatives and the minority leader in the House of Councillors. They were warned to keep a wide berth from Kiyomasa Daichi, an executive of the Age of Blue Company’s board—evidently the Ivory Eagle’s biggest target for this event. So Dazai supposes he’s among the right people right now, at least, because Hayashi just mentioned that his brother-in-law is on the board of the company.

The right people. Unless they find out what Dazai is here for and then-

“Tendo-kun,” an unfamiliar female voice calls from behind the two men he’s making conversation with. “I was hoping you’d be here.”

Hayashi immediately cuts off his conversation with Sato, whirling around with a wide smile to face a pretty young woman with dark hair and darker eyes, red lips curled into a too-sweet smile as she comes to stand between the two of them, giving both Dazai and Hinami a curious look.

“Noriko-san, I didn’t think you’d be here tonight. I thought your father was only sending Kiyomasa to rep the company,” Hayashi says easily, hooking his arm into the woman’s and looking down at her, enamored.

Kiyomasa. Dazai has to force himself not to react to the name. Hinami is not quite as subtle, drawing in a sharp breath that makes Dazai nearly wince because the woman, Noriko, clearly catches it from how she tilts her head to the side, looking over the two of them.

Your father was only sending Kiyomasa…

Her father must be Mishima Yukio, the CEO of the Age of Blue, and that means-

Mafia.

Exactly what they were meant to avoid right in front of them and Hinami is not being slick. Dazai can feel her fingers trembling from where she’s holding his arm.

“You know I only come to these events for one person,” Noriko laughs airly, leaning into Hayashi as she looks up at him before turning her attention back to Dazai and Hinami. “Who are your friends? Unfamiliar faces…”

Luckily, Hayashi is more focused on the first thing Noriko said. “No way,” he says, eyes bright and voice low and conspiratory. “She’s here. I thought for sure she wouldn’t show at this after everything that happened between this agency and the Mori Corporation a few months ago.”

“I think that’s exactly why she did come,” Noriko hums with an easy smile, lashes fluttering as she looks back at Dazai. “Mishima Noriko. And you are?”

Dazai doesn’t even get the chance to respond—which is for the best—because in an instant, there’s a commotion on the other side of the room, drawing the attention of all of the attendees of the gala. Noriko, Hayashi, and Sato all turn around, and Dazai takes a slight step forward to peer around them, trying to see what’s going on.

It doesn’t take long for Dazai to pinpoint it, mouth drying and heart stilling in his chest as his eyes land on you at the center of all of the attention.

You walk away from your previous company feeling grim, sure this is what you came here for—to meet with the more influential individuals attending the event tonight and help ease them into an opinion more aligned with the Port Mafia’s interests—but your heart’s just not in it. It’s easy to keep the smile on your face as you make casual conversation with House Representative Yamamoto, one of the key swing votes you have to bring to your side, but it’s much harder to make the smile reach your eyes.

Kiyomasa claimed that most of the swing votes are already falling in your favor, so long as Yamamoto’s and a few other controlling ones can be secured, you’ll be on a quick path to ensuring that the military bill is quashed in the Lower House.

But you find yourself distracted. Your thoughts drift mid-conversation to a familiar pair of warm brown eyes and a soft smile, your heart yearns for something you know you can’t have, and it makes you feel sick. Luckily in situations like these, your body works on autopilot—you smile when you’re meant to smile, you laugh when you have to laugh, you make witty comments and sly remarks to push the swing votes your way—but you just want to go back to your apartment.

“I must say, I didn’t expect you to be here tonight,” Representative Yamamoto hums, waving down a server to grab the two of you flutes of champagne. He looks amused as he turns his attention back down to you, dark eyes glittering. He’s handsome, you think, with dark hair and darker eyes, only a few years older than you—maybe if you can’t convince him with your words, you’ll convince him in bed. “Not after everything that happened between the Mori Corporation and this… what is this agency called again?”

You laugh—genuinely this time, not one of those airy automatic ones. You take a sip of your champagne and look at Yamamoto. “Ah, Yamamoto-san, how terrible of you, not even knowing the name of the agency we’re all here to celebrate,” you tease lightly.

“Shame, shame, I know,” Yamamoto sighs, leaning against the pillar where the two of you are standing.

“The OCDA,” you tell him, looking up at him through your lashes as you study his face.

Organized Crime Defense Agency, Mishima is truly taking far too long to eliminate them. The Sun and Steel were supposed to put them in the ground months ago after they drew attention to the Mori Corporation, trying to accuse the business of being a front for the Port Mafia. You had to lay low on business for months because of it, knowing that one wrong move could lead to a huge exposé from one of the big journalism groups in Yokohama, and if that happens, the government will have no choice but to intervene. The OCDA didn’t have proof to back their allegations, but if one of those journalism groups managed to get their hands on some…

The Port Mafia isn’t exactly in the position to be dealing with wars against major Yakuza syndicates, the Guild, and the government all at once. It could spell the end for it.

“Ah, yes, that’s it,” Yamamoto says absently. “The Commissioner has been staring at you since you walked in.”

Of course. Five months ago, you dedicated every waking moment to ruining the reputation of the OCDA—you had to do it. If people started believing their accusations, even if there was no evidence, it could cause trouble for the Port Mafia. You’d tarnished their public perception so completely that it literally took until this operation against the Scarlet Gang and the government going above and beyond to commemorate their success for the public to start viewing them in a better light.

“I’m not surprised,” you tell him. “He still clearly holds a grudge over what happened a few months ago.”

“Unjustly, too,” Yamamoto notes. “They were the ones that chose to target the Mori Corporation with no grounds. I don’t know what they were thinking and to act like the victim after being the one to start it… Deplorable.”

Interesting, you think.

You look at Yamamoto under a new light, tilting your head to the side.

Is he just saying that because he knows it’s something you want to hear?

Or is that how he really feels?

The whole incident between the OCDA and the Mori Corporation has been a hot topic amongst the members of the National Diet. You’d feared that the allegations were going to severely harm your position amongst the Representatives and Councillors. To some extent, it had; a lot of the people who wanted the Mori Corporation to lose sway over the members of the Diet used it as a way to try to turn people against you—but you’d been able to salvage it. Still, even to this day, it’s a contentious topic that most politicians don’t willingly bring up.

Just as you’re about to open your lips to respond, pry a little bit more into his mindset before you say something riskier. You catch sight of an achingly familiar face from the corner of your eye.

What-

All conscious thought leaves your mind as you turn your head to the side, trying to figure out if you’re seeing what you think you’re seeing.

Dazai?

Your gaze settles on none other than the boy who has been plaguing your thoughts since you left his apartment a few days ago. He’s standing off to the other side of the room dressed in the suit that you bought him—you can hardly bring yourself to draw your gaze from him. He looks… stunning, actually, at ease in a way that you never would have expected him to be in this setting.

He’s talking to Hayashi, Sato and Noriko—three people that have close ties with the Port Mafia, much to your distress—the smile on his lips is easy and casual, body language relaxed. He looks right at home. A part of you itches to walk right over to him, but you know you shouldn’t. There are too many eyes on you at this event, enemies and allies alike. You don’t want to draw unwanted attention to Dazai, not when you’ve cut him off to protect him from this very sort of attention.

Your eyes linger on him as he laughs at something Hayashi says, breath catching in the back of your throat—and god, you know you’re being obvious. You need to force your attention back to Yamamoto and at least try to remember what you were talking about to play this off. But-

But then he looks at you.

Dazai’s eyes drift from Hayashi right to where you’re standing with Yamamoto as if he already knew you were standing there. He looks surprised, and you realize that he’s probably more surprised that you’re looking back at him, like he didn’t expect you to notice him.

How could you not notice him?

And as soon as his gaze meets yours, you know that’s all an act. You can see the way his eyes are a bit lost, lonely. You know he feels severely out of place and you long walk over there to him. All thoughts of keeping attention off of him out the window if it means he doesn’t look so uncomfortable—you yearn to see the bright look in his eyes that you’d become so accustomed to, feel his smile against your lips. You’d known it was a mistake to kiss him that night, that you’d already let yourself indulge too much, and taking that next step would just hurt you both but…

Just like now, all reasonable thought seems to be thrown out the window whenever he’s around.

You watch as something akin to hurt flashes through his eyes, and you withhold a wince as you remember all of the lies you told him—leaving the country, not having time to text him. You’d even gotten a new phone and a new number so you wouldn’t be tempted to read his messages. Fuck, why does he always show up at the most inopportune moments? This must’ve been why he’d asked you about the military bill. This was the event his journalism professor wanted him to attend. How did you not put this together sooner?

Then, his gaze hardens, and he looks away, shifting to the side as if to pointedly show off someone you hadn’t noticed before—a girl hanging off of his arm. Pretty. Big dark eyes and light brown hair, a soft expression. Pretty, you think again, sickeningly civilian, probably another student at the university he attends. Even being dolled up in a gown and makeup can’t hide that.

Perfect for him, then. Sickeningly civilian. Just like Dazai. They’d be good for each other—live out long, sickeningly civilian lives with each other. Go to cafes and talk about all of their sickeningly civilian classes, discuss all of the books and poems they read. It’s perfect, it’s what you want for him, it’s why you cut him off. So he’s not in danger by being associated with you, so you don’t drag him into the dark and get him killed.

So, where is the anger coming from?

Your jaw is so clenched that you can feel your teeth grinding together, knuckles tense around your flute of champagne. Your tongue feels itchy, your throat feels swollen, your chest is unbearably tight—you have to force yourself to remain rooted next to Yamamoto, and your body twitches to walk over there. You’re so lost for logic that you can’t even fumble for an excuse to explain the sudden bout of anger.

You try. You tell yourself that you’re angry because he shouldn’t be at an event like this. You tell yourself that you’re angry because his journalism professor should know better than to send college students to gather information at an event where several mafias are going to be in attendance. You tell yourself that you’re angry because he’s always coming around to fuck things up for you, that he shouldn’t have wormed his way into your life.

But it’s all flimsy and weak because the color flooding you right now isn’t red.

It’s green.

“I think you should go over there,” Yamamoto says, amused, nodding over to where you’re looking as he leans in closer to you. He keeps his voice down, luckily, but you can’t help the distress that sweeps through you when you realize that you are being that obvious.

“Allow me to pretend not to be so obvious, Yamamoto-san,” you sigh.

Yamamoto laughs, tossing you a wink. “I’m not that kind,” he says lightly. “I’ll send you an email later if we don’t get to talk again tonight. I’d like to discuss the more… minute details of the proposition you were offering.”

Your smile is a bit more genuine now as you turn your attention back to him.

“Of course,” you say easily. “A pleasure talking to you, as always.”

“And you,” Yamamoto replies. “Talking to you is always a highlight of these dreadfully boring galas.”

“You flatter me,” you laugh, waving off the compliment.

“Me? Never.” Yamamoto winks at you again, then leans in to murmur, “Best of luck.”

Yamamoto wanders off without another word, and your gaze drifts back over to Dazai and you find yourself actually contemplating it. You contemplate going over there and forcing that girl away, forcing him to spend the night at your side instead. You contemplate ruining everything by drawing all of the attention in the room onto him. You contemplate putting him in danger just to make this ugly green emotion go away.

You grab yourself another drink instead.

Dazai can hardly pay attention to the conversation at hand. No matter how much he tries to keep the conversation going between the two Representatives and Mishima and Noriko, he finds that his gaze keeps drifting back over to where you’re standing on the other side of the room.

You look beautiful. You always look beautiful, but there’s something… different tonight. You’re dressed in a sleek black dress rather than the expensive suits he’s become used to. It hangs off your shoulders, a slit up your thigh; there’s a pretty smile on your face and a playful glitter in your eyes as you entertain conversation with people. You’re always beautiful—whether you’re in one of your ridiculously expensive suits or an equally expensive dress—but there’s something different tonight that makes him unable to keep his attention off of you for long.

In your suits, it’s a polished type of beauty. Cold. Untouchable. There’s an air about you that few would dare try to disturb. He noticed it that first night when everyone at the bar gave you a wide berth. At the cafe, it was the same—your presence screams that you’re someone important and someone who should not be bothered. Even at the library, though his classmates clearly wanted to approach you and talk to you, they were all too intimidated to try. Everyone waited for you to leave before badgering Dazai with questions.

This is different. Just as refined but untouchable in a different way. Your smiles are sly and inviting, your body language smooth and languid; people gravitate toward you rather than avoid you, but none dare to draw too close. If intimidation was the factor in other situations, nerves are in this one—you’re warm and enticing but still too elusive for anyone to dare to try to capture. Dazai can see it in the way they watch you longingly, fingers itching to reach out toward you, but they freeze before they can, like you’re some otherworldly being that they think they shouldn’t taint with their touch.

And Dazai is so conflicted.

He yearns to go over to you. He wants to be the one to draw close to you, wants to see the expression on everyone else’s face when he’s the one that breaks through that invisible barrier, wants to slip his arm around your waist, hold you in the way that he knows other people are fantasizing about right now. He’s missed you the past few days; he can still feel the weight of your body on top of his, his lips tingling from where they’d been pressed against yours. If he closes his eyes long enough, he can almost imagine your fingers entwined with his hair, holding him close as your lips slide to his jaw.

But he’s angry. Or maybe he’s not angry, maybe he’s just hurt. Maybe both. Dazai can’t tell. He’s never been good at understanding his own emotions, he just knows that he doesn’t like it. Wants it to go away.

Wants you to explain.

Why did you lie? The thought makes his stomach churn so uncomfortably that it makes the alcohol he’s been drinking come up his throat. Why did you lie? Since he saw you before, he’s been on the brink of collapse. He wants to go back to his apartment and forget all about this shitty event and your betrayal, wants to curl up in his futon and sleep before the gaping hole in his chest starts to spread.

He should have known this would happen. Every time Dazai Osamu has ever come to want something, it’s always lost the moment he obtains it. This has been true since the moment he was born, but somehow it eluded him the weeks he spent pining after you, eluded him the night you spent at his apartment sharing kisses and gentle touches.

The cloud that’s been hanging over him since the night he met you at the bar, the one that you’ve successfully pushed away twice, is heavier than ever and Dazai wants to be rid of it. He’s so tired. Everything feels amplified now that he’s been given a taste of what he could have had with you, only to find you lied to be free of him just like so many others have. Ever since Odasaku died, he’s been alone and Dazai just doesn’t know how much more of it he can take. And he feels selfish, he feels selfish for wanting to go before he can fulfill his friend’s final request but he just can’t do it anymore.

It’s just too much for him, and Dazai isn’t going to finish this novel anyway. It doesn’t matter how many English classes he takes, doesn’t matter how much time he spends reading to teach himself how to write—Dazai will never be able to finish Odasaku’s book. How can he? A book focused on the human experience? Dazai is, unfortunately missing a key characteristic necessary to successfully write this novel.

Dazai has always struggled to understand the minds of people around him. He’s smart, and he can read people easily, but he’s never been able to understand them. It’s why he’s found himself an outcast time and time again: no matter how hard he tries, and he does try, he tries so hard, people can tell something is… off about him. His laughs are too loud and too hollow. His eyes are too black and too empty. His smiles are too wide and too fake.

When he was younger, kids were cruel about it—they would point it out and laugh at him, and when he tried harder to fit in with them, they would point that out too. He couldn’t win, no matter how hard he tried. Now that he’s older, people aren’t quite as blatant with it, but Dazai is far from stupid and he can see the looks people give him, can see the way they actively avoid him, the way they whisper.

Dazai’s gotten better at masking himself. It’s hard for people to tell at first glance now that something is off about him—his smiles have become smoother and less strained, and he’s taught himself to laugh light and airy. He can make do with small talk and acquaintances, even able to charm people into his bed, assuming they aren't put off when he keeps the bandages on.

The trouble comes when they stick around too long, when they start noticing the cracks in his mask; he can evade it at first, become loud and funny, take on the role of a clown so they can focus on that instead of the gaping void within him, threatening to consume anyone that dares to come near. But he can only play that role for so long before people realize something is up; whether his smile fades at the wrong moment or he talks a bit too long, something clues them into the fact that something is wrong with Dazai, and they inevitably disappear without a word, avoid him on the streets if they happen to run into him.

Or they lie to him and tell him that they’re going abroad for a while just to be rid of him.

Dazai is drawn out of his own thoughts when he realizes that all four pairs of eyes are on him—Hayashi, Sato, Noriko, and Hinami are all looking at him expectantly, and he realizes, anxiously, that one of them must have directly addressed him but he was so lost in thought that he hadn’t even been listening. He racks his brain for a response, desperately trying to figure out if he’d subconsciously picked up on the conversation, but the longer the silence draws on, the harder it becomes for him to push away the numbness spreading from his core to his limbs.

Before he can fumble out a non-response, an achingly familiar voice intrudes on the conversation.

“Hayashi-kun, Sato-kun, I’ve been meaning to speak with you two,” you say with an easy smile as you make your way over to the small group, and Dazai can hardly breathe at the sight of you so close, unwittingly rescuing him yet again. “Noriko-chan.”

Your smile is fonder as your gaze lands on Noriko and the cold and aloof woman suddenly looks starstruck by your presence, enamored. Dazai’s chest tightens as he looks between the two of you.

You ignore his presence completely.

“Hime,” Noriko breathes out. Dazai startles at the honorific—it was startling hearing Kido, and the attendants call you it at the boutique, but it’s even more jarring hearing it come from a woman that Professor Ui suspects of being a mafia heiress. “I heard you would be here. I convinced my father to let me come.”

“Just for me?” Your voice is light and teasing, you reach out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Noriko’s ear, and Dazai’s blood pressure spikes. “You’re so sweet, Noriko-chan.”

“You didn’t come to Arima-kun’s wedding,” Noriko pouts in a way that’s so exaggerated that it nearly makes Dazai roll his eyes and gag. “I’ve missed you.”

“Ah,” you sigh. “I’m afraid I was busy. I heard it was fun. I regret not being able to be there.”

You notably don’t tell Noriko that you also missed her, and it makes Dazai’s lips quirk up in smug amusement.

No, he stops himself, reminding himself that he’s angry at you and he should not care about any of this. In fact, he should walk away. He should. But his feet betray him, they keep him rooted to the ground when you finally turn your gaze onto him.

“Who are your new friends?” you ask casually.

Dazai has to physically stop himself from flinching at your words, the way you pretend you don’t know him, just like so many people have before. His chest aches, his throat feels swollen, and he feels embarrassed—he doesn’t even know why he feels embarrassed, but he can feel heat spread across his cheeks at your words. For a second, Dazai swears he sees regret flash through your eyes, but it’s gone so quickly that he thinks he imagined it.

“Koda Hinami.” Next to Dazai, Hinami stumbles over her words, face pink as she bows her head in respect, “It’s, uh, a pleasure to meet you…”

You don’t even acknowledge Hinami, your gaze doesn’t budge from Dazai, and you don’t offer your name at Hinami’s unspoken request for it. Hinami lets out an embarrassed noise in the back of her throat as she looks away. Dazai has half a mind to stay silent, to ignore you in the same way you ignore Hinami, but he finds his lips moving before he can stop them.

“Dazai Osamu.” He’s grateful that his voice is steadier than how he feels, cool and short, unlike the rampage of emotions tearing through his chest.

You tilt your head to the side as you look over him. You reach out, pinching the material of his suit jacket between your fingers—as you do, your knuckles brush his bandaged skin, and Dazai has to physically withhold a shiver at the touch.

“One of Kido’s,” you note, and there’s a small smile on your lips as if you’re sharing an inside joke with him. “You must have friends in high places—he doesn’t often take appointments without referrals.”

You’re mocking him.

As if pretending he’s a stranger isn’t enough, you’re standing there mocking him too. Dazai doesn’t know if he wants to laugh or cry, everything feels all twisted inside of him—he wants to go home.

“Not a friend.”

The jab is cold and pointed. It goes over the head of the other four, but he watches the way your smile falters at it, and he savors it even if he does know it hardly stings you in comparison to the knives he feels being jabbed into his chest and back.

“Hm,” is all you say in response, gaze sliding away from him as if he’s no longer of any interest to you. You look back at Hayashi and give him a smile that makes Dazai want to throw up. “Dance with me?”

Hayashi rushes to take your extended hand, fumbling over a yes, and you don’t even bother to spare another look at Dazai as you lead Hayashi onto the floor, where a few couples are already swaying around. Dazai can’t even force himself to look away from you, eyes pinned on how Hayashi’s hands rest on your hips as you wrap your arms around his neck.

Maybe he’s a bit petty when he turns to Hinami and offers his hand to her. For a second, the girl looks as if she’s going to shake her head no, too nervous to go to the dancefloor, but then other couples start taking your cue, grabbing a partner to take to the dancefloor.

“I don’t know how to dance,” Hinami whispers, panicking. “I don’t-”

“You’ll be fine,” Dazai says. “Follow my lead.”

Dazai also doesn’t know how to dance, but he thinks it should be easy enough. He observes the few people already settled on the dancefloor, watching their steps and the way they sway to the slow beat and then matches their pace and hand placement.

“I don’t know how you’re so good at this,” Hinami says quietly as he leads her in the dance. Dazai hardly pays attention to her, gaze cutting through the growing crowd of couples to find you. “I feel so in over my head. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“You’re doing fine,” Dazai tells her absently, stiffening when he finally spots you not too far from him in deep conversation with Hayashi. “I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

“I don’t know if I believe that,” Hinami sighs. Dazai’s eyes linger at how low Hayashi’s hands dip down on your hips, how your heads are bowed together as you sway, speaking quietly in one another’s ear. It makes him sick, he can feel his stomach turn inside of him, he can feel something ugly and green spreading through his chest. “You look like a natural. Like you’re meant to be here with these people. I can hardly speak to any of them without stumbling over my words. I mean, did you see how that woman ignored me? … So embarrassing…”

Dazai’s breath hitches when you lift your face up a bit, so close to Hayashi that your noses almost brush. He can’t see the expression on your face, but he can see that you’re making eye contact with him, and it looks so intimate that Dazai feels that void in his chest start to spread to his limbs, his fingers feel numb and clunky against Hinami’s waist, and he nearly stumbles over one of the steps in the dance.

You look like you belong with him. High-class. Smooth. Charming. Wealthy. Dazai’s known you were out of his league since the day he met you at the bar, but actually getting a visual of what you would look like with someone of the same class as you—the people you interact with on a daily basis—makes him feel sorely inadequate. Any of the people at this event would kill for just a few seconds of your time, all of them wealthier and more influential than him, way more worth your time than a broke college student who can hardly talk himself off the edge of a bridge.

Why would he have ever thought he had a chance with you? Why would you waste any time with him? Why wouldn’t you pretend not to know him? Dazai would be embarrassed to associate with himself too. He can hardly even stand to look at himself in the mirror.

He shouldn’t be as upset as he is. He should’ve expected this from day one. He doesn’t know why all of this hurts as much as it does.

Because it’s the first time he’s allowed himself to hope since Odasaku’s death.

The air getting to his lungs is thin and shallow. Dazai feels like he’s at the peak of a mountain where oxygen is few and far between. Hinami doesn’t seem to notice his distress from the way she’s still complaining about the event, but it’s hard for him to ground himself to the present.

He’d allowed himself to hope.

The way you had immediately noticed his discomfort with the bandages and moved to try to make him more comfortable—no one has ever done anything like that for him, not since Odasaku died.

The way you came to him when you were hurt.

The way you helped him around his apartment and didn’t question the filth and mess, buying him food, replacing what he’d broken in his depressive episode.

The way you looked at him.

The way you touched him.

The way you kissed him.

He’d allowed himself to hope that maybe someone would accept him for who he is instead of running as soon as they see beneath the mask.

He had let himself hope. A fatal mistake. Always has been. Dazai should have known better.

Dazai needs to get out of here. He can hardly feel his fingers anymore, can feel the numbness spreading to his legs. His vision is blurring, his lungs are burning. He needs to go back home so he can let the black hole consume him in peace. He needs to be alone. He needs to-

Dazai doesn’t even notice the music tempo changing, nor the way people are swapping partners until he and Hinami are separated and drawn into a new dance. Dazai’s breath catches, caught off guard and still trying to ground himself.

“Why are you here?”

Your voice meets his ears, quiet so as to not be heard above the music, you forcibly guide his body to move in step with yours. He stares down at you, brain not processing who’s standing in front of him. He can see the concern thinly veiled behind your eyes, the way your lips curve down.

“Dazai, snap out of it. Breathe.”

You. You’re here. You’re always here when he feels as if he’s finally going to let the void win, and Dazai just-

Dazai wants to scream.

Why are you always here to rescue him when he knows you’re just going to leave him?

“Why am I here?” Dazai finally forces himself to say, grateful that his voice is steadier than how he feels. “Why are you here? How was your trip abroad, hime?”

Any concern in your eyes disappears, and the grip you have on his waist tightens in a way that makes his breath catch. “Don’t call me that.”

Now a bit more coherent than he was when he was dancing with Hinami, he thinks he should be mortified by how you’re taking the lead. All of the other men are leading their partners in the dance, but he can’t even bring himself to be embarrassed because he’s so focused on your hand on his waist and the way your fingers are laced with his. He’s mad at you, yes, but he has to actively remind himself of that because of the way you’re holding him.

Dazai fears he is a weak man at heart.

“How was your trip abroad?” Dazai asks again, leaving off the title this time. He wants to know if you’ll lie to him. Again.

You watch him carefully for a moment, and then you sigh, shaking your head. “Don’t ask stupid questions,” you tell him.

Dazai’s jaw tightens, throat bobbing at your words. Doesn’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that you didn’t even try to lie. Does know that it hurts hearing you admit that you lied to him. That you made up a shitty excuse so you could cut him off, ghost him like so many others have before. He lets out a shaky puff of air, shaking his own head as he tries to take a step away from you, intent on creating some distance between the two of you, but you don’t let him, your grip on his waist tightens again, hand sliding to the small of his back to force him flush to you again. His face heats up.

You tilt your head to the side as you look up at him as if daring him to make a scene. Dazai wants to. He does—just to embarrass you in front of all of your rich, upper-class friends—but more than that, he wants answers.

“Why?” he asks tightly.

“Stupid questions annoy me,” you say with a thin smile, being purposely obtuse.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Dazai refuses to humor the non-answer. “Why did you lie? Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to-”

Why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to be with me?

Why did you have to give him hope?

Why did you have to be like all of the rest?

“It has nothing to do with what I want,” you finally sigh, voice quiet as you lead him into an outside spin, keeping him in pace with all of the other couples. “It’s complicated, Dazai.”

“Then uncomplicate it,” Dazai says immediately, body tense. “What did I do wrong? I thought-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you tell him, which only frustrates Dazai more because if he’s about to get the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech, he thinks he might storm right off the dancefloor, leaving you here. “It’s just complicated, Dazai. I can’t uncomplicate it.”

“That’s not fair,” Dazai murmurs. “You kissed me, you-”

“You kissed me,” you correct.

“You kissed me back,” Dazai hisses, getting annoyed, “and you initiated the second kiss.”

“Dazai-”

“You know what,” Dazai laughs to himself, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter. You’ve made it abundantly clear that you want nothing to do with me.”

“That’s not true,” you say immediately, but Dazai is already taking a step away, brushing your hand off of his waist and pulling his hand back. He can’t listen—he can’t—he can’t let himself hope again. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive it this time. “Dazai-”

“I need to go,” Dazai interrupts.

He doesn’t wait for a response from you as he turns to walk off the floor, leaving you standing there alone. He can hardly breathe in the crowd, with you so close—he needs air. It feels shallow again, like it’s not getting to his lungs. He tells himself that this was to be expected, again, but the thought doesn’t calm him down this time. You don’t follow him off the dancefloor—he doesn’t know if he wanted you to or if it would just stress him out more.

“You’re so lucky,” a familiar voice sighs as soon as Dazai is off the dance floor. He feels unfocused as he looks at Sato. “I was trying so hard to position myself to switch with Hayashi for the partner swap.”

Dazai is annoyed. He is annoyed, and he is jealous and he is once again very acutely reminded of the fact that every single person in this room would kill for a few seconds of your time, once again very acutely reminded of his own inadequacy. He had known from day one that he didn��t have a shot with you but-

No.

He’s not going to go down this rabbit hole again.

“Well, she has no partner now,” Dazai says with a strained smile, ignoring the tightness in the chest and the way his vision blooms green. “You should go ask her to dance.”

Sato brightens. “You’re right,” he says, sparing a haste ‘thanks’ before rushing off to the dance floor.

Dazai doesn’t let himself linger long enough to see if you accept his extended hand, making his way out of the event room and down a nearby hall, hoping for some fresh air.

You don’t know where Dazai went, but he’s a sneaky bastard for sending Sato your way to distract you. You couldn’t blow him off without looking like an asshole, so you had to entertain him for a song before making an excuse. Dazai is nowhere to be seen now—not hanging near the walls, not hovering near the apps or drinks, not making small talk with any of the other politicians or businessmen in attendance.

Did he leave?

No, he wouldn’t have. Your eyes trace around the room again as you make small talk with Noriko—he had to have gone somewhere, but where? You focus on a hallway leading out to the back of the city hall, tilting your head to the side. There, maybe? There are bathrooms back there, if you remember correctly, most people will probably use the ones in the entrance hall, but if he’s looking for somewhere quiet…

You excuse yourself from the conversation with Noriko and make your way across the room, careful to avoid the eyes of any of the other attendees who might try to steal you away for a talk. You get there without incident, luckily, because you think if someone tried to interrupt you, you might shatter the carefully crafted reputation you’ve built over the past six years.

The hallway is dim and cool, a welcome reprieve from the stuffiness of the other room. You head straight for the men’s bathroom, hoping that your hunch is correct. Also hoping that there are no other men in the bathroom because that would be awkward—and you’d have to do some serious explaining because you can’t have anyone know you’re seeking out Dazai.

You think you’ve done a pretty decent job in making sure people don’t realize you knew him before the event. Noriko and Hayashi have no suspicions, and if anyone was going to pick it up, it would be those two. You were casual enough with the positioning of the partner switch that it didn’t look like you were intentionally seeking him out, but you could see the way he was thinking himself into a panic attack, the girl with him obliviously babbling on as Dazai struggled to breathe. You suppose him being mad at you is preferable to him thinking himself into an abyss, but it’s just not settling right with you.

You think that this is a mistake—you should let him think that you want nothing to do with him, should let him hate you and resent you so he can move on with his life—so why are you still turning down the hallway to get to the men’s bathroom?

You blame Dazai. If he hadn’t shown up at this event and all but shoved himself in your face, purposely antagonized you by shoving that stupid civilian girl in your face, then everything would be fine. You would’ve evaded the places he frequents in Hodogaya-ku, and you’d have never crossed paths with him again. Both of you could’ve moved on with your lives as if you’d never met each other—but now-

You’re almost angry as you shove open the door to the men’s bathroom.

No, you are angry, and it isn’t just because he’s shown up to the event and fucked up your plan to keep him out of your life. It’s also because you know why he’s here, and he’s a lot stupider than you thought he was. The suit for the event he’d mentioned his journalism professor wanted him to attend and the question about the bill… He’s here to gather intel for that professor of his, and the only reason why a bunch of students would be sent to an event like this in lieu of the actual journalists themselves is because they’re trying to seek out information that wouldn’t be easily acquired by known faces. Whether that’s information about insider opinions on the new bill or something else, it’s dangerous business. If the opinion of the wrong person gets out to the media and the public, there’ll be a witch hunt trying to figure out who let it loose, and all eyes will be on the unfamiliar faces.

All eyes will be on Dazai.

He’s stupid.

The door slams against the wall hard, and your gaze cuts to the side, hardly focusing on Dazai’s surprised expression as he straightens from where he’s leaning over the sink. Your attention shifts from him to the stalls, making sure each of them is empty before shutting the door behind you and locking it.

“No,” Dazai says, shaking his head, jaw tight as he moves to leave the bathroom.

Your eye twitches when he tries to push past you and all of the rising frustration you’ve felt the past few weeks snaps like a taut cord that has been pulled at too much. Your hands dart out to grab his waist, fingers hooking in the belt loops to stop him before he can get past you. You watch as his eyes widen as you tug him closer before slamming him back against the bathroom door hard.

“What are you doing here?” you ask again, ignoring the look he’s giving you, lips parted in shock and pupils blown wide as he stares down at you. “Dazai, what are you doing here?”

Finally, he’s drawn out of whatever stupor he’s in, scoffing and looking away from you but not pushing you away.

“Really? You just came here to interrogate me some more?” he says bitterly. “Don’t you have better things to do? I’m sure there are plenty of people out there more worthy of your time.”

“What are you even talking about?” you ask, irritated. “I couldn’t care less about any of them. Stop avoiding the question, why are you here?”

Dazai looks conflicted at your words, and you don’t know why, but it’s really starting to piss you off. You feel like you should step away from him, give some space, but you can’t bring yourself to move. In fact, your grip on his slacks tightens.

“I told you I had that event to attend for my journalism class, I-”

“You didn’t tell me this was the event-”

“You didn’t ask! What does it matter?” Dazai demands, glaring at you.

You inhale sharply and let go of his belt loops, taking a step back, but Dazai doesn’t move to leave. He stays leaning against the bathroom door, staring at you as he waits for a response, but you don’t even know how to respond.

“It matters,” you finally say without giving any context, which evidently pisses him off from how he lets out a sharp puff of air.

“Why does it matter?” Dazai asks, raising his voice in a way that stresses you out because if anyone happens to come down this hall and find you in the bathroom with him, it’s going to cause issues. “Why does-Why won’t you explain anything? Why did you lie about going abroad? Why does it matter that I’m here?”

“Because you shouldn’t be here,” you hiss, not wanting to expand on it, but you can see the frustration rising on Dazai’s face, and you think it’s more important not to have him screeching for people to overhear. “Dazai, don’t you think there’s a reason that your professor didn’t come to this event himself and with his trained colleagues?”

Something shifts onto Dazai’s expression that you don’t like—a strange look caught between suspicion and wariness that you take note of. You misspoke somewhere but where? This conversation is risky—you don’t even know what his professor sent him and his classmates to get information about, how they were prepped for it, or what information they were given. What a mess.

“What are you talking about?” Dazai asks in a way that lets you know that he’s onto something.

You don’t respond for a moment, choosing your words carefully. “What do you think will happen if an unsavory opinion of one of these politicians gets out to the media, Dazai? These people have more money than you could ever dream of, connections with-” You cut yourself off abruptly, staring at him for a moment before saying tightly. “Connections with all types of people. Good and bad. They’ll find out who spread what was spoken at this event.”

“Isn’t this suit supposed to help me blend in?” His voice is so snide that you almost want to smack him. If he were anyone else-

You don’t even finish that thought. He’s not anyone else. He’s Dazai Osamu, a stupid civilian who has managed to worm his way into your life, for better or for worse.

“Sure,” you agree tightly. “It makes them less concerned about your presence at the moment. But once they have something to be concerned about, you know who they’re going to remember? The boy in a poorly tailored suit who spoke too loudly and with far too many people. The girl in a thirty dollar dress from Muji who stumbled over all of her words and the boy that she latched herself onto.”

“And what exactly are they going to do if they figure out who leaked their shitty opinions?” Dazai asks, a challenging expression on his face as if he knows what the answer is but wants to hear you say it out loud. “Ui-sensei said-”

Ui. There aren’t many journalists with the surname Ui and if they’re here at this event…

“Ui?” you ask cooly. “Don’t tell me you mean Ui Koutarou.”

The surprise that flashes through Dazai’s eyes tells you all you need to know, and you can’t help the scoff you let out, a bitter feeling spreading through your chest. Ui Koutarou, one of the senior journalists at the Ivory Eagle—a group that’s been relentlessly trying to pin down the Mori Corporation as the business front for the Port Mafia.

Is that what this is?

The thought is as haunting as it is jarring, realizing that maybe this has all just been some giant scheme that you fell right into. You know the man has been trying to expose you as an executive of the Port Mafia—the first stepping stone of taking down the Port Mafia. Is that why Dazai attached himself to you so quickly? Pushed into it by his professor as a means to get proof of your affiliation with the Mafia? You’d assumed maybe it was your ability at work, making him more comfortable around you, and since he was so lonely, he ended up attaching himself to you but… this would make more sense, wouldn’t it?

Dazai is a lot smarter than he makes himself out to be, a lot more observant and perceptive; you knew that day when you showed up at his apartment wounded that he was seeking out information about you. He could’ve been asking about the military bill to prepare himself for this event but… could he have been asking about it because Ui Koutarou is using him as a puppet to corner you? To get the proof that he needs?

You don’t want to believe it, but the passive form of your ability isn’t strong enough to create such a dependency even on the weakest of minds… and this makes a lot more sense than someone liking you for who you are.

You don’t say anything else, unwilling to incriminate yourself anymore than you already have. You’re sure Dazai must have some idea of who you are by now—maybe not exactly, but there’s no shot that he doesn’t have a clue as to your real occupation, and if you keep running your mouth, it’s only a matter of time before you hand him the proof Ui Koutarou needs on a silver platter.

So, instead, you shake your head and walk back to the door, unlocking it so you can go back to the event hall.

Dazai grabs your wrist before you can. His grip is weak enough that you could pull out of it if you want, but you don’t. You don’t turn to look at him, waiting to hear what he has to say.

“Can’t you just tell me what I did wrong?” His voice wobbles a bit as he speaks, you can feel the way his fingers are trembling on your wrist. God, it’s so believable—you remember the way he kissed you, unsure and hesitant, breath shaky. No one is that good of an actor. “I did something again just now, why won’t you just tell me? I want to-”

You don’t want to hear the rest of that sentence, so instead, you look back at him and watch as the words die on his tongue. The look he gives you is confused and desperate, pleading with you to help him understand.

“If you know what’s good for you, Dazai, you’ll forget you came here tonight and won’t do another job for a man who’s willing to put three stupid kids on the line to save his own ass,” you say and Dazai’s brows furrow, he looks impossibly more confused as he waits for you to explain, protests and questions on the tip of his tongue.

You leave before he can get any of them out.

Dazai’s head spins as he leaves the event hall. He tries to seek you out again, but you’re nowhere to be found, so he finds himself wandering the edges of the event hall, unsure of what to do. Mishima Noriko is missing, too, he can’t help but notice with a tight feeling in his chest. Hayashi and Sato are speaking quietly to one another by the refreshments table, heads dipped together and serious expressions on their faces.

“Dazai,” Ayato calls, making his way over to where Dazai is standing.

After your words, Dazai can’t help but wince at how loud his voice is in comparison to the other attendees of the event. It’s glaringly obvious now that it’s been pointed out to him—even when he lowers his voice, there’s a jarring cadence that’s stark compared to the smooth tones of the other people here.

Hinami is with him too, Dazai realizes, watching as the girl comes over to Dazai’s side, looking between the two of them before asking: “Are you ready to head out?”

No, Dazai wants to say, throat swollen and stomach churning. He doesn’t know when he’ll see you again if he leaves now. Doesn’t know if he’ll see you again. This might be his last chance and he’s so frustrated and lost. He wants answers from you—more than that, he wants you.

He wants you.

You didn’t explain why you lied to him. You hardly explained why you were so mad about him being at the event. You clearly know who his professor is, you’re clearly unhappy about Dazai working with him, and you made a cryptic comment about how he’s putting Dazai and his classmates on the line to save his own ass.

Does that mean you know? Do you know what information that they’re trying to uncover at this event? You kind of implied it, didn’t you? You implied that a lot of the politicians in the Diet have affiliations with criminal organizations because what else could that ‘good and bad’ comment have meant? But how could you possibly know that? How could you know unless-

Dazai’s mind drifts back to all of the suspicions that had been floating through his head, letting out a heavy breath. Shit, could you really be-

“Dazai,” Hinami prods, nudging his shoulder, but before Dazai can make an excuse about staying longer, the entire building shakes.

Dazai nearly topples right over, barely catching himself on the wall behind him. His eyes are wide as he looks around the room, watching as people shriek and dive for cover. Again? The second one in a few days?

“Come on,” Ayato grabs his wrist, and Dazai instantly draws back, not expecting the sudden touch. “Dazai, come on. Ui-sensei’s been texting. He’s panicked about something, we’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Texting about what?” Dazai asks, casting one last longing look around the room, a last-ditch attempt to seek you out, only to find himself empty-handed again, shaking his head as he follows the other two out of the building. “What’s going on?”

“We don’t know,” Hinami says as they slip out of the building into the front parking lot. “Just said we needed to get out before things started going down.”

“Crazy that the earthquake happens right as he tells us that,” Ayato notes. “What are the chances?”

What are the chances?

Unless it’s not an earthquake, Dazai thinks, taking a deep breath of the cool air outside, mind racing as he thinks back to the day you showed up at his apartment, the cryptic comment about the earthquake. You acted like you didn’t know that it was an earthquake, but Dazai had a strong gut feeling that you knew exactly what it was and it wasn’t an earthquake. And Ayato is right; what are the chances it happens twice, and both times you’re around for it? The first time, you seem to know what’s going on but try to evade talking about it; the second time, you mysteriously disappear right as it takes place.

It’s suspicious. Everything about this is suspicious, and Dazai just doesn’t know what to think. He wishes that he had more time to talk to you, that you hadn’t rushed off as soon as he mentioned Professor Ui—and that’s suspicious, too, because Professor Ui sent them here to try to get some intel on one of the big mafias in Tokyo so…

Dazai can’t even finish sorting out his scrambled thoughts because a familiar van is pulling up to the front steps of the city hall. The door is sliding open and Dazai can’t stop himself from looking back one last time before he’s being ushered into the back of the van by Hinami and Ayato. Professor Ui is already waiting inside for them, brows creased and a frown on his lips—an expression that instantly has Dazai on edge.

“Ui-sensei, what’s going on?” Hinami asks softly as Ayato pulls the back doors of the van closed. Slightly alarmed, Dazai watches as Professor Ui instantly motions for the driver to get going. “Is something wrong?”

Dazai’s stomach lurches as the van flies over a bump, gaze focused on Professor Ui as he taps furiously at his phone. His voice is a bit tighter than he intends for it to be when he asks, “Aren’t you going to tell us what’s going on?”

“We got a tip-off that the Port Mafia was going to be in attendance at this event at the last second,” Professor Ui finally says, sitting up in his seat as he focuses his attention on the three of them. Dazai stiffens, mind racing back to Mishima Noriko and her last minute attendance of the event when she heard that you were attending, mind racing back to his piling suspicions of you. “We also got a tip-off that there was going to be a major conflict between them and one of the Tokyo-based Yakuza syndicates tonight. We wanted to get you out of there before it happened.”

“What?” Ayato sounds far too excited for Dazai’s liking; he gives the other man a heavy side-eye before focusing back on Professor Ui. “A gang fight is breaking out tonight? Wouldn’t that have been the best chance to get the proof?”

Best chance to get killed more like it, Dazai thinks, hardly withholding an eye roll as he keeps his gaze pinned on their professor. He can’t help the way his heart is skipping around with anxiety; he finds himself nervous for you, remembering how you abruptly disappeared from the event.

“Too dangerous,” Professor Ui shakes his head. “The fight has already broken out. Did you feel that quake?”

“The earthquake?” Hinami asks curiously.

“Not an earthquake,” Professor Ui says dryly, grabbing his laptop and clicking a few times before turning the laptop to face them. Dazai’s gaze focuses on the screen, frowning at the blurry image of a man with red hair and an ugly hat. “From what we know, that was the ability of this man. We believe he’s an executive of the Port Mafia, the gravity manipulator. He’s been at the top of the country’s most wanted list for three years since he leveled all of Izumi-ku; hard to track down because he’s frequently in the west. They say he’s currently the strongest ability user in the world.”

“Tacky hat,” Dazai mutters absently, ignoring the looks he receives for the comment.

He’s ignored.

“I didn’t see him at the event,” Ayato announces, leaning back in his seat. “I made a lot of rounds too. Maybe your tip was off.”

“He wasn’t the executive in attendance,” Professor Ui says firmly.

Dazai’s heart drops to his feet. His professor flips the laptop back around, and Dazai can hardly breathe as he clicks through again. It feels like an eternity before the clicking stops, and he can hardly even drag his gaze back to the screen.

Dazai knows what it’s going to show him before the computer is even turned toward them again. Doesn’t need to hear him say your name. Doesn’t need to see your face on the screen.

He looks anyway.

Your smile is foreign—unkind, almost—and the expression on your face is much cooler and unapproachable than what he’s become used to. You look beautiful, you always look beautiful, but he feels sick to his stomach at the sight of you when he’s usually dizzy with how much he’s enamored by you. His ears ring as he tries to tune into what Professor Ui is saying.

“... presents as vice-chair of the board of the Mori Corporation, suspected of being an executive of the Port Mafia… -sing her position within the Mafia would be the easiest way of exposing the Mori Corporation for what it is considering how public of a figure she is… say that Mafia affiliates tend to refer to her as hime in recognition of her position as heir…”

Dazai doesn’t care to hear anymore. He ignores the way Hinami stares at him with wide eyes, ignores when Professor Ui asks if any of them managed to speak to her at all, ignores everything as he stares at the damning image of you on that screen, confirming all of the suspicions he’s discarded over the past few weeks of knowing you.

Suddenly, for better or for worse, all of the peculiarities that he’s noted about you begin to make sense—everything from your ungodly wealth to how evasive you were about why you lied to him about going abroad, saying it’s too complicated to explain when he begged you to tell him why you lied.

Shit.

There are too many emotions ricocheting through his chest and mind for him to pinpoint all of them, but as he looks back to the direction they’d left, knowing that whatever conflict is taking place there, you’re at the center of it, one emotion stands out above all of the rest—fear.

#dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x you

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roo-bi-unrestricted · 1 year ago

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ɴ.ɴ.ɴ ᴡɪᴛʜ ...

ʙʟɪᴛᴢᴏ , ᴍᴏxxɪᴇ , ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇʀ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢꜱ : ʙʟɪᴛᴢᴏ / ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ , ᴍᴏxxɪᴇ / ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ , ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇʀ / ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴄᴀᴛᴇɢᴏʀʏ : ꜱᴍᴜᴛ

ᴛʏᴘᴇ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ : ɢᴇɴᴅᴇʀ ɴᴇᴜᴛʀᴀʟ

ᴛʏᴘᴇ : ᴍɪɴɪ ꜱᴇʀɪᴇꜱ [2] [3]

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ : 1,453 ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ

ʙʟɪᴛᴢᴏ

At first, Blitzo started to think that you were joking about this ' challenge ' that you had stumbled upon up in the human realm. Since Blitzo loved a good challenge, he couldn't help himself from participating.

" No Nut November? " Blitzo snickers before continuing, " Who do you think I am, ( Name )? I can last more than a month without cumming. Hell, I could even last a whole year if I really wanted to. "

I could imagine him boasting to you about how he's going to win the challenge and how easy it is for him to not cum, but not even a week in, he's struggling a bit. It doesn't make it any better how you accidentally tease him.

He can't even stare at you for too long. Seeing you come back into the I.M.P building, covered in blood with your uniform clinging to your skin, Blitzo immediately looks away from you and takes a deep breath.

He tries not to be obvious about it, but whenever you walk past him or sit next to him, he would have to move a little further from you. Blitzo even has to temporarily cancel his agreement with Stolas to avoid the prince from seducing him.

Stolas doesn't make his situation any better, either. He will send Blitzo erotic pictures and voice messages of him. It's a struggle to not jerk off to the prince and a huge challenge for Blitzo when Stolas starts to call him.

With Blitzo being a week in, he fails. He called you into his office and straight up told you to give him a blowjob. You could see his raging erection through his pants, and while you would have normally said yes, you turn him down.

The imp begins to beg you to do something to him. Anything. He was a complete wreck by the time you got to the office. You do end up reliving the poor thing, but not with the way he would want.

You give him a handjob.

You make sure to take your sweet time as you jerk him off, hearing him growling and mumbling underneath his breath, demanding you to go faster.

By the end of it, he came on his desk, staining his paperwork and making a mess. When you were finished, Blitzo quickly pulled you up onto his lap. You could hear his strangled and harsh breaths against your neck.

Fuck, you could even feel his cock right up against your ass.

" You aren't going anywhere until you help me fix this mess. I don't give a fuck if the others hear us or if they come in. You started this, now help me clean it up. "

ᴍᴏxxɪᴇ

The idea of N.N.N. came to Moxxie because of Millie. The two of you had been planning to do this to Moxxie for a while now. When telling him about the challenge, he was extremely flustered. Was this going to mess up with his work, and was it going to make him lose time on the tasks assigned to him by Blitzo?

" Millie, ( Name ) I don't know if we- I can do this.. This ' challenge ' sounds concerning, to say the least. It is too much of a risk for us to do so, and we would be wasting time. "

" Aww, come on, Moxxie!" Me and ( Name ) had been waiting for the perfect moment to try this out, and now we got the opportunity. Come on, let's just try it at least once. "

Moxxie sighs, rubbing the side of his face. He had been thinking about it. He sighs, " Alright... I'll do it. "

" Oh my goodness, yes! Thank you, Moxxie!~ " Millie gives a small kiss to Moxxie's cheek, causing the white-haired Imp to blush slightly. You give the imp couple both a kiss on the cheek before going back to the work that Loona forgot to do.

The challenge wasn't that hard for Moxxie.. well, until his boss started to make lewd comments around him, trying to make him slip up.

Millie teased him a bit, but not that much. She would always whisper what she was going to do to him once the day was done, and it was driving him insane.

" Damn, Moxxie. Is that a boner or are you happy to see me? "

Moxxie looks down at his crotch to see that he was getting a boner from just the thought of his wives. He quickly gets up and bolts into the bathroom, hearing Blitzo burst out into laughter.

While you on the other hand, would sometimes walk past him, letting your tail brush against his leg, and sometimes, letting your hand trail down his inner thigh, making the poor imp flustered as hell.

You would also tell him what you and Millie are going to do to him, which would only make his erection more visible. Moxxie is able to keep his composure and beat the challenge. Millie was quick to take you and Moxxie to bed.

When she finally got her hands on him, she had him pinned against the wall, giving him a few hickeys here and there. She takes him to bed and strips him, and the both of you begin to pleasure him.

Millie explained to him that he was going to get a huge reward for being such a good boy. Moxxie, who currently had a hard-on and was horny as hell, wanted his 'reward' as soon as possible. Seeing the two of you with two large strap-ons really does something to him.

" Fuck.. Please, I want to feel the two of you inside of me. Please, let me have my reward. "

ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇʀ

Asking Striker about participating in N.N.N was easy enough. He seemed a little confused by its concept at first but quickly agreed to do it. He even teased you a bit, never expecting you to suggest something so lewd and scandalous

" You want me to not get off to nothin' for a whole month? " He asked you, " Ya know what that means, right? That means you won't be allowed to get me off neither. " Striker has a grin of his face as he saw your face heat up with embarrassment.

" Well yeah, I guess... Sure.. " You grumble before going back to what you were doing. Striker knew that you were going to tap out long before he would. This was going to be fun... for him at least.

The challenge was easy for him. All he had to do was bury himself in a fuck-ton of work, assassinating, and not let his mind wander off. If it did, he'd just think about his job and nothing else.

You, on the other hand, weren't fairing too well. You weren't used to having to deny yourself from your lovers' touch. So when Striker would brush against you or give you a kiss, it made you hot and bothered. You missed him.

Even though he was there with you every day, he was working his ass off to avoid getting aroused. And he did a pretty good job of it. You, on the other hand, didn't. You had no idea how you were going to last a whole month without sex.

As sad as it sounded, you did your best to pleasure yourself without him catching you. When he would go off to work you'd sneak away into the bedroom and fuck yourself with the dildos he gave you. You even got the one with his cum still on it, you were that desperate.

He noticed you acting more needy lately. Striker wasn't stupid. He knew what you were doing while he was gone. He wanted to catch you in the act.

His schedule was empty, so instead, he was going to sit back and let you do the work. You were already in your shared bedroom, laying on the bed.

Striker had come into the room to see you with your legs spread wide and a dildo shoved inside of you. You didn't even realize that he was in the room, too lost in your lust. The loud sequencing noise echoes and merges with your soft moans.

" Well, well. What do we have here?" He smirked, " I wonder where this came from? " Striker chuckled as he made his way over to you, causing you to jolt up in surprise. Before you could even cover yourself up, Striker had pounced on top of you and pinned you down onto the bed.

" Couldn't wait a month without me having a bit of fun?" Striker cooed as his tail snaked its way over to your discarded sex toy, " Maybe I should punish you for breaking our little deal. " He chuckled, pulling the toy from out of you.

" You'll like that, won't ya? "

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cherrynflowergarden · 4 months ago

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dealer!matt x doll!reader headcanons

an; hi babies!!!! i missed y'all sooooo much my tumblr was acting up sorry i wasn't active since forever:( plus my schedule is super hectic w uni and all anyways does anyone know why tumblr is not letting me see my inbox it's been ig around 2 months and i can't check my inbox:((( i'm so sorry if i missed your request or message but believe it's tumblr who wants to keep us away

taglist; @eirianna @thebasicbiatch @katamcauley @wxnyzie @lilmear-blog @vrlixlia @star-fuck-off @embonbon @idkversace @annawilk @r0nnsblog @weluvwbb @c1ydessturniolo @vintagebishx @maddie-belle @timmdmdm @happydiplomatshepherdspy-blog @crispycitrus @faith-f1 @escapentropy @florscons @carlossainzwho @luckylampzonkland @lewisroscoelove @mudryklover @rageshots @dontworryaboutit007 @chair-things @myangelbaby555 @sheesh1311 @f1lovely @silia1raf @huffleighpuff @blahbel668 @my-dinos-life-is-good @ssturniolo92 @lilly6110 @lou-larcher5 @arminluvrr @mxryxmfooty @gabri3la-sturns @bellsboops @f1-and-shiz @t1llysblog

sturniolo masterlist add yourself to the taglist

dealer!matt who thinks doll!reader is genuinely an angel.

dealer!matt who met doll!reader when he was half unconscious and high and seeing doll!reader being concerned and helping him in that state, he quite literally fell in love.

dealer!matt who is in denial of his feelings for doll!reader.

dealer!matt who finally snaps and kisses doll!reader when he saw his client get uncomfortably close to doll!reader.

dealer!matt who will go on dates, buy her gifts, kiss, cuddle, make love, do everything a couple would with doll!reader but still didn't ask her to be his girlfriend.

dealer!matt who calls doll!reader his girl infront of others and would not deny when someone asks if she's his girlfriend.

dealer!matt who acts tough infront of others but is a total softie for doll!reader.

dealer!matt who buys cute bows and accessories for doll!reader all the time.

dealer!matt who wears a matching hello kitty batman bracelet with doll!reader.

dealer!matt who can't get enough of doll!reader's kisses. he will kiss her till her pretty pink lipgloss is transferred to his lips.

dealer!matt who keeps doll!reader's photograph in his wallet as well as his phone.

dealer!matt who loves recieving sweet handmade gifts from doll!reader. he appreciates them so much that sometimes he too makes a quick craft for her.

dealer!matt who is inked and lets doll!reader colour them.

doll!reader has really low pain tolerance which is why she can't get the bow tattoo, so imagine her surprise when dealer!matt gets a small bow tattooed on his bicep. (damn me and who)

dealer!matt who was intimated by doll!reader's closet in the beginning of their relationship. don't get him wrong, he loves her clothes on her so much but he can't help but feel a little insecure seeing her soooo dressed up for him while he's just wearing some normal jeans tshirt.

dealer!matt who takes some time to understand doll!reader likes him the way he is. he doesn't need to change his closest or mannerisms to make her find him attactive.

dealer!matt who quite literally but subtly worships the ground doll!reader walks on.

#cherrynflowergarden🦢🌹🍒#.☘︎ ݁˖ 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥 & 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐮 #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo fluff #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo au #dealer!matt #girly!reader

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morganwrites12672 · 6 months ago

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You Don't Have to Be Okay

Sam Winchester x Reader

Summary: Sam has trouble coping with his nightmares. She helps him.

Rating: PG-13

A/N: This made me cry while writing. Enjoy!

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It was gradual.

She noticed how tired Sam was all of the time. She blamed it on the usual stress of hunting. After a few months she begins to notice how it's every single time she sees him. It's almost like he never has the chance to sleep.

She mentions it to Dean, who tells her that Sam's handling things just fine. She doesn't agree.

During a hunt that Sam was doing with her, she noticed the nightmares. She would ask him about it the next day, or offer to grab coffee whenever he woke up in a cold sweat. The results were the same every single time. He would brush off her concern, just like Dean had.

She was a light sleeper, an occupational hazard. It was the last night at the piece of shit hotel with Sam. She awoke to the sound of mumbling and someone thrashing around. Her hand went to the hilt of the knife hidden between the bed and the dresser. Once her weapon was safely in her hands she flicked on the lamp.

Her eyes scanned the room. It had just been Sam. She sighed, dropping the knife on the little dresser. She stood and sat on the edge of Sam's bed. She didn't want to wake him but the pained mumbles slipping past his lips, and his horrified expression made her.

She was careful, knowing he would be frightened and disoriented whenever he woke up. She shook his shoulders, making sure to be ready for whenever he would wake up. He sat up, looking like he had seen a ghost. She gently grabbed his wrists whenever his fists went flying.

He blinked a few times, realizing where he was. And who he had almost punched.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Shit," He quickly apologized. His expression still held the same horrified look. It broke her heart to see him like this.

She gave him a soft smile and let go of his wrists. He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to fix all of the pieces sticking in every direction. She was patient, letting him wake up a bit more. She wouldn't start prying whenever he was this disoriented.

"It's okay," She said, placing a hand on his knee.

"No, it's not!" Sam replied, visibly distraught. He could have punched her. All for trying to help him.

"Is it about Jess?" She blurted. She wanted to help. Maybe if he talked about it, maybe she could help him. Seeing him suffer like this was painful. It hurt seeing such a close friend in pain.

Her father was a hunter too. She had grown up around the Winchester boys. She had always been good friends with both of, especially Sam. The two were close, well, as close as they could be with the lifestyle they led.

". . . Yeah, it is," Sam replied softly, looking down at his hands. He could not bring himself to meet her gaze. Not with the way he felt tears stinging his eyes. He didn't want her to see him like this.

"I'm here, and I'll listen. I'll do whatever you need me to do," She said.

Sam sniffled. He finally moved his gaze from his hands and looked at her as a tear finally spilled down his cheek. He didn't understand why she cared so much. Sure, they were friends. He didn't feel like he deserved this though.

"You can't bring her back. You can't stop her from getting burned on the god-damn ceiling just because I left her."

His words made her do a double take. She had known that his girlfriend's death had been horrific, and had involved a fire. She hadn't realized just how truly horrible it had been.

"No, I can't. But, I can help you," She said softly, brushing a tear off his cheek.

She wrapped her arms around him. He shuddered under her touch. He was too exhausted, in more than one way. He couldn't resist the comfort of her arms. He buried his head in her neck and let the tears fall.

She might not be able to save Jess from the horrible fate she had met, but she could help Sam. The poor boy needed it. The nightmares might only be about Jess, and that horrible night, but the scars hunting left on him went deeper than his skin. He felt them branded into his soul. Horrible memories waiting to punish him again.

He was more sensitive than Dean and his father. He never truly got over those things. He thought about them all of the time. It was like he couldn't escape. Walking down the street he would see someone who reminded him of a person he couldn't save. It was always something.

Maybe she really could help.

He clung to her even tighter, grateful for her silent comfort. Once the tears dried up, and he felt like he would never be able to cry again, he pulled away. He awkwardly rubbed at his tear stained cheeks.

"Thank you," He said softly, hating how weak his voice sounded.

"You don't need to thank me."

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A/N: Thank you for much for reading! My requests are currently open. Please leave a comment and reblog!

#sam winchester x you #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #hurt/comfort #Nightmares #spn x reader #spn season 2 #spn fanfic #spn x y/n #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural drabble

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imsonormalipromise · 21 days ago

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Mike hiding El in his closet

I saw this post about Mike and closets by @sara-yuna and it got me thinking about and remembering other moments where Mike has closeted subtext, particularly the entire scene where Mike hides El in his closet. I know some people have talked about this before (like in this post by @wheelercurse) but I haven't seen a more detailed analysis (it doesn't help that Tumblr's search function isn't top notch) so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Obviously, on the surface, Mike is hiding El because his mother came home and doesn't know about El. But because he hides her in his closet (and as well as other things I'll be mentioning below), it really points to the idea that Mike is closeted and has been ever since season 1 (whether he was consciously aware of it at the time or not).

(I am not trying to take anything away from El's trauma or disregard it, this is just an added layer to the scene).

What I find backs this up is that the outfit El wears when she's hiding in the closet is almost exactly the same outfit Mike wore the day Will went missing:

They are both wearing grey sweatpants and a dark blue jumper. I believe it's the same jumper, it's just that in some shots the way it's fitted on her looks like it has more of a V-neck shape, but the colour and style is definitely the same.

Obviously El had to borrow some clothes because she didn't have others with her, so it's not simply the fact she's wearing Mike's clothes that's damning. It's the choice to have her wear an outfit we've seen Mike wearing before...especially one that can be associated with Will...

So this means that, to some extent, El resembles Mike whilst hiding in his closet. I mean, come on...that has to point to Mike being closeted!! In addition, whilst El is hiding in Mike's closet (looking like Mike), Mike and his mother have a queer coded conversation at the same time: "Michael. ["Yeah?"] I'm not mad at you. ["No?"] No, of course not. All this that's been going on, with Will. I can't imagine what it's been like for you. I just, I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to hide something from me. I'm here for you, okay?"

Karen believes Mike is hiding or keeping something from her regarding Will. She would understand Mike feeling lost or scared or sad because his best friend just went missing. But from her wording, it seems that there's something more to it that he's not sharing, and that she's open to listening to and understanding whatever it is. She may be aware of or have suspicions about Mike's sexuality, and if so, it points to her being inevitably accepting.

This conversation is recontextualised in season 4 as it is quite similar to the one Will and Jonathan have, where Jonathan expresses his wish for Will to talk to him more ("I miss talking to you. I, like, really miss it. And I think, right now, we need to talk more than ever") and where he expresses that he'll always be there for Will ("I just, I don't want you to forget that I'm here. And I'll always be here. No matter what"). It's quite obvious that Jonathan was making reference to Will's sexuality here, so it's not a stretch to believe the same could be true for Karen and Mike.

So, to reiterate my point: El is hiding in the closet, wearing the same outfit Mike did prior. And at the same time, Karen and Mike have a queer coded conversation about his feelings concerning Will. Thus, El could represent Mike being closeted.

It's significant that this is from season 1, too, because many people argue that "Mike isn't gay/queer" or that if he was, it "would have come out of nowhere", but this is one of the many hints that it was written into his character from the very beginning. Him being queer and reciprocating Will's feelings would not be because of "fan-service" or for the "woke audience", it would be good writing planned from the beginning! (or, because of the uncertainty of the show's reception and of how many seasons there'd be, at the very least there would've been "seeds planted" about Mike's sexuality so that the idea could be developed in later seasons).

#byler #< target audience #mike wheeler #mike wheeler is closeted #mike wheeler is not straight #mike wheeler is queer #closeted subtext #el is mike's beard(?)#closet imagery

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venusstorm · 2 years ago

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I don't know if you wrote bucky barnes but could you write a smut where Bucky gets a little feral when he bought his girlfriend reader a pantie with a small bullet vibrator stuck inside. He even the download app to control the vibration of the bullet. One day, reader was wearing it and bucky couldn't help to use his app.

No cause the moment he spots that familiar flash of color beneath your dress, he'd go absolutely feral.

Warnings: 18+, Bucky the menace, public masturbation/sex, light degradation, vibrating panties!!!

꒰ ა ♡ ໒ ꒱

You had no clue the power you had given Bucky today. In your mind, you were just wearing the cute matching set that he got you as a birthday present. You hadn't even noticed the way he lingered closer than usual, grabbing your ass and pulling your head back to kiss you abruptly. Ignorant to the way people were flashing you dirty looks.

Squealing, you push him away. "People can see us!" You scold.

But obviously, he doesn't care, the only thing going through his mind is finally testing out your his gift.

"Then let 'em look, baby." He slaps your ass, the sound making a poor lady frantically leave the aisle.

"Bucky!" You hiss.

He crosses his arms, a stupid smirk resting on his face. "Yes, pretty baby?"

Shaking your head you grab your man's hand, dragging him and your near-empty cart to another aisle. (You weren't getting too much shopping done with the way he's been hanging off of you)

Bucky happily trails behind you. "Where to now?" He questions, voice airy with questionable innocence.

"We need new plates," you murmur.

"What happened t– "

You shoot him a "you know damn well" glance and quickly he breaks out into a grin.

Bucky had come home from a two-week mission and found you washing dishes in the kitchen in nothing but his t-shirt. He was throbbing the whole plane ride back just thinking about slipping between your pretty thighs. And instead of greeting you like a normal person, announcing his presence- he ran and tackled you. The dishes flew out of your hands and crashed onto the floor. He scooped you up before the glass could touch your body, ignoring your angry remarks and carrying you up the steps so he could spend the rest of the night buried deep inside of you.

"How could I forget about that," he hums. "We should do that again."

You pay him no mind, instead choosing to focus on the hundreds of plates and fine china lining the shelves. Carefully you pick up a set with floral indentations on the rim, holding it up for Bucky to see.

"Yes or no?"

"Mm, it's alright." Bucky shrugs.

Truthfully, he had no clue what you held up. His face was buried in his phone trying to set up the app for your lovely attire. He had complete control over the intensity alongside 4 other settings. The instructions were vague but he could put two and two together quite well.

"Oh! These are cute, look at– hm." Your hands fly to your mouth, the dull vibration only lasting a few seconds.

Bucky cocks his head. "Everything alright?"

"Yea...yea m'fine. Just felt a little– fuck." This time the sensation was stronger and quickly you reach for Bucky. He wraps you in his arms as you tremble, shushing you quietly.

"I think somethings wrong," you whisper hurriedly. "I feel, I feel..." you clench your eyes shut as your legs begin to shake. Your nails dig into your skin, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you fight the urge to moan.

"You feel what, baby? Let it out."

Bucky caresses you against his chest, stroking your neck to calm you down. "I can help you, just tell me what's wrong. I've got you, pretty baby."

Behind your neck, his fingers up the intensity before quickly lowering it. You yelp in response, clutching onto him desperately. "I need to leave, Buck. Something’s wrong. I can't...I need you."

You finally look up at him and instead of facing a look of concern, his eyes are dark with uncontrollable need. An accomplished smile rested on his face. "You need me? In what way, baby? Use your words."

"What'd you do, Buck? I can see that stupid grin on– HMNGG. Shit. Fuck."

He swipes his thumb up and down repeatedly, the quick vibrations forcing you to bury your face in his upper body.

"Do you need it to stop, Princess? I can make it go away."

"So it- it is you! Bucky you barely know how to work an iPad how the hell did you- fuck."

You're on the brink of tears, the pleasure becoming overwhelming. You can feel your wetness sticking to your skin, drenching your underwear, and making its way down your thighs. You're struggling to stand up straight, but Bucky holds you firmly.

"Shh, just look at me, pretty baby. Watch me." He waits until you're fully focused on him to continue. "Is this alright? If you don't like it we can stop." He tilts your chin up, kissing your nose to remind you that you’re in complete control.

You shake your head, encouraging him to keep going. "I'm okay just...need you." Your lips part as he wavers his finger to the highest setting. The buzz of the vibrator is drowned out by your muffled groans.

"Uh, uh. Don't look away from me. Keep your eyes on me, Princess. Can you do that for me? Wanna watch you make a mess in those pretty panties."

You're desperate for friction and find it against Bucky's leg. He props it out for you, watching as you grind yourself against him. "Want your cock, need you inside of me. Please." You no longer cared who heard, who saw. All you wanted was for Bucky to slip his size beneath your sundress, pressing you against the shelves and stuffing himself inside of your pussy. Whining as he spoke down to you, mocking you for having such a little cunt, a toy thing just for him.

"You need my cock baby? Want me to fuck you for everyone to see. Gonna stuff me in your little hole, show everybody how well you take me. Bet they'd wonder how such a little thing can fit her daddy's cock inside of her. All stuffed and full, walls stretched and leaking with my cum."

He shoves his knee into your aching cunt, helping you get off. "C'mon, baby. Cum for daddy, wanna see those eyes roll back. That's it, there you go. So close.”

You don't even bother holding back your shouts, whimpering Bucky's name as you gush and squirt through your clothing. He never looks away from you, admiring how beautiful you look unfolding under his control.

Neither of you moves until a small voice clears their throat. "Uhm...I'll just check the next aisle." The scarred woman disappears and you break out into laughter, which quickly turns into a sob as Bucky switches settings.

"Bucky!" You shout.

He fumbles with his phone, a genuinely apologetic expression on his face. "Sorry! Accident!"

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky the menace #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fics #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes imagine #james bucky barnes #askbox #asks

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elvestoneanzelote1 · 10 months ago

Note

Yandere chuuya x port mafia executive reader please

A:ɴ- ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜɪs ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ʟɪsᴛ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ I ᴡɪʟʟ ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ ʙᴏx ᴀɢᴀɪɴ ғᴏʀ ᴀʟʟ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛ ᴇɪᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴀʏ.

𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵... 𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘣𝘶𝘵... 𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵.

𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘵.

𝘠𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢 𝘹 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘧𝘪𝘢 𝘦𝘹𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘨/𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 x Yandere Dazai (slight I want to so...)

(𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺/𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮)

The first question is how you are an executive? Well it is not your ability is super strong to the point of destruction (I do not want to make 2.0 of him)

Your ability is useful too useful in murdering.

I won't say what though.

Either way you and Chuuya met when you first arrive at the age of 17.

Well the introduction was done by Dazai who mention to Chuuya how he was the one to find you.

At first he didn't approach neither did you.

Unsociable you are.

And you like keeping thing professionally who on earth will go and approach another executive to be friends are you out of your mind to do so?

It is clearly suspicious at the plus.

Dazai... Well you could say he was a strict one.

He is not your mentor thankfully to the grace.

But... During mission as your senior he is... Quiet a handful.

One time he will shoot bullets towards you so that you both can die together and the next he whine about how he was hurt that you almost left him (okay... It sound like dazai x reader... And yes it is slightly)

He is damn confusing for you.

But... You don't let it block your job.

It is a miracle how you didn't met Chuuya before as literally Dazai is the partner.

They are the double black duo.

Either way. Your first introduction was from Dazai to Chuuya. Did I mention? Yes.

And the fact you both eventually wen to mission the next after what a coincidence.

And the most miracle?

You eventually stop Chuuya corruption before it cause massive destructions.

Awww how cute where you to hug him tight and tackle him down to stop his gravital power.

He was awaken by your concerning tone of calling him out.

He could hear you. He could hear you even if... Even if he was controlled by his ability how.

Was it fate? Was this some miracle. Were you the key?

He doesn't know.

He doesn't know and doesn't want to know.

He raised his hands to the light where your voice call out in consciousness.

Despite his body reacting violently trying to overthrow you.

You can't let him do that.

Not until Dazai come and stopped him and you can't let him die either.

You will be blame for his death after all!.

But you were confused when his body went limp as his corruption disappear alarming you.

About to say another word but he pull you into a hug, with your face burried in his chest.

"Thank you"

For some reason... You were not really feeling to say welcome

Because your gut feeling says... It is not really just a thank you but a gate of something else to begin.

"Y/n! stand back Chibi-chan will kill-" Dazai stop his walk afraid to see you bloodied and death before he could even let you die with him but... Only to see you have calmed Chuuya.

Truly a miracle.

And the fact Chuuya was hugging you? Why? Maybe he appreciate your help?

That doesn't matter.

Dazai rush to you and pull you away from Chuuya whose eyes widen before he speaks a slap was heard.

Your eyes stay widen as Dazai slapped you across your face.

Then he hugged you saying how stupid you were to die before him!

You can't die without dying with him!

You didn't hear anything but the feeling of the burn sensation of the slap.

From the fact... You were an executive now.

Before it was different but now...

And the fact it was around the others you... Felt shame.

Unlike Dazai who happily cooed at you for at least stopping Chuuya.

Chuuya on other hand took notice of your expression on Dazai who went to talk to others to quickly patch up.

You didn't follow Dazai when he said so.

Chuuya notice the red cheeks and gritted teeth of yours.

It was truly not good.

I mean Chuuya admit it was unnecessary to slap you.

And the fact infront of everyone.

He wonders what you are going to do now.

Firstly. Dazai got annoyed when you told him about how he shouldn't just slap you.

Secondly. Why were you distancing yourself.

Thirdly have you forgotten who saved you?

Dazai during those time ignore you back leaving a huge gape hole between you both.

Yes you respect Dazai a lot and the fact he brought you to mafia...

But it through your hardworking to be an executive not by other means.

Oh well at least you are free from interactions.

Well... Boss Mori sometimes let you and Chuuya go on mission for two reason.

You stopped the corruption.

Second he just find the pleasure to see Dazai annoyed expression.

You and Chuuya ended up talking more.

And the fact he eventually was grateful to you. And wonders if you can save him again... If he loses control.

Oh he isn't going to that.

But... The what if stays.

"Let's leave Port Mafia"

"Huh?" Your eyes widen by Dazai words who let out an audible sighed.

"I know we have been distancing ourselves... But we both knows we are still link."

"So your going to..."

"Yes."

"...oh"

"Y/n I'm sorry for whatever I have done please for all the time we spend together please let's leave"

"I..." Your words didn't came out of the mouth as Dazai held both of your hands in his.

His eyes held deep fondness.

But it soon crack when you take away your hands.

"Just leave... I will pretend we never talk today" you replied.

Before he ask you already left.

Oh how it hurt him so much.

But chuuya was more then happier to see you stayed.

He almost assume you left.

With Dazai.

His heart will not able to stand it.

But... At least you are here.

"Y/n"

"Hmm?"

Your eyes took notice of Chuuya who handed you a glass of wine while Mori and Kouyou was celebrating too.

"Since That Mackarel have finally left it is a joy no?"

Your eyes stare at the glass then you stood up and shook head.

"I'm tired today... May I take my leave now boss?" You asked as Mori nodded and told you to arrive tomorrow at 8.

...

He doesn't understand.

Do you... He doesn't like the thought.

Chuuya stare at the glass of wine you refused to drink earlier.

He wonders... If... You will ever love him one day.

It... Make him anxious.

Don't be too hard on him.

Just come over to him... Won't you?

After all he is much caring then that makarel... No?

A:n- that's all take care.

#yandere bsd #bsd #yandere bsd x reader #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #yandere dazai #dazai osamu #yandere chuuya x reader #yandere chuuya #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #chuuya nakahara #yandere dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai x reader #bsd dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #yandere bsd x gn reader

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wisterialagoon · 11 months ago

Text

Alastor x Reader - Comfort Fic

Warnings: established relationship, probably ooc alastor, comfort, reader is grabbed (not by alastor) reader curses :P

Btw! Please do send in Hazbin requests, I do sfw and nsfw :)

You had been having a miserable day. You woke up in a sour mood, but the feeling only worsened when you realised you had woken up in bed alone.

Presumably your husband had left early to head to his broadcast studio. You then had several run-ins with the most insufferable sinners throughout your day, but this, this was ridiculous.

You had been standing in the lobby, by the check-in desk trying not to burst into stress tears as a rather tall intimidating demon stood there screaming his lungs out at you.

"I already told you sir, I cant get you a room unless you want to be redeemed, this isn't a normal hotel," you stress to the demon before you.

He unfortunately doesn't take the refusal well, gripping the collar of your favourite dress, ripping it slightly.

The demon has you in a strong hold pulling his face right up to yours, you grimace at his breath brushing your face. Your feet barely reaching the floor anymore.

"Sir you need to let go of me now!" you damn near shriek in fury. The commotion catches the attention of a few of the hotels residents, the demon finally drops you when he realises he's drawn a crowd, opting to leave before things went south for him.

"Y/N!" You hear Charlie's panicked yell as she comes up to you, helping you to your feet, "Are you okay? D-do you need anything, I'll have Vaggie deal with that demon don't worry!"

"Its alright Charlie," You steady yourself, taking a deep breath, "just give me the rest of the afternoon off, yeah?"

"Of course, please, go rest."

With that you head off to your room, you pull off your dress and get into your night gown. You inspect the collar of your dress to see it in tatters, this unfortunately was your tipping point.

You're now sitting in the middle of the bed crying your eyes out, clutching your dress. You're so in your feelings, you don't even notice Alastor has slipped in until hes sitting next to you and pulling you into his arms.

You still for a moment but ease into the embrace, soaking his shirt in your tears.

When you had calmed down a bit Alastor cups your face, making you look into his eyes, "Charlie told me what happened my dear, I do wonder why you didn't make that wretched sinner pay, hmm? You're more than capable." He tilts his head, a questioning look in his eyes.

"I didn't want to cause a scene and bring a bad reputation to the hotel, sinners should want to come here," you sniffle.

"Au contraire my dear, you shouldn't be afraid to kill those that wrong you, if demons fear you, it keeps them in their place! Anyhow, what's done is done, I'm more concerned with the fact that my, usually very dauntless wife is crying all on her own." Alastor taps your nose gently.

"Bad day, bad, terrible, awful day Al," tears begin to flood your eyes again just thinking about it.

Alastor chuchles softly as he pulls you to straddle his lap, softly running his fingers through your hair. "Oh you poor sweet thing," He listens carefully as you recount your day to him.

"And to top it off, t-that dickless bastard tore my favourite dress" you finish, words getting caught between your sobs.

"Oh don't you worry your pretty little head about that, I'll have it mended in a jiff, instead, worry about what you'll wear Tonight!"

You look up at him curiously, "Tonight?"

"Well of course I'm treating you to a perfect night out, I can't in good conscious let my sweet wife wallow in her sadness all night can I?"

You perk up at this. Your husband is a busy demon, its not often you get him all to yourself. "The whole night?" you say with big eyes.

"You'll have my complete undivided attention all night long my dear!"

You jump up at this, racing to find an outfit all while Alastor happily watches you showing him different dresses, shoes and jewellery.

He makes a mental note to quickly pop out and find the demon that laid his hands on you, Vaggie was so kind as to provide him with a description.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor smut #alastor x reader #Alastor comfort #Alastor fluff #hazbin hotel husk #angel dust #lucifer morningstar #hazbin fluff #Hazbin comfort

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preciousbarnes · 2 years ago

Text

Always

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Tensions rise as Bucky continuously seems to throw caution to the wind during missions. Your heart breaks when you learn his true motivations.

Tags: angst, hurt/comfort-ish, arguments, injuries, illusions to violence, anger

Content Warning: Discussions of mental health, depression, and suicidality.

Word Count: 1.8k

There was an eerie silence between you and the man in front of you. You sniffled and hugged yourself as Bucky stood across from you, his chest heaving with residual anger. You feared it was more than just anger, but instead resentment, hatred, rage; All of these all-consuming emotions taking the forefront of Bucky’s mind as he looked at you now, instead of the love and compassion you were once used to. You both stood there, in your pajamas, but feeling anything but comfortable.

The fight had been building up for a while. For the last month, things had been rocky. Bucky had been coming home later and later, missions were longer and increasingly more dangerous, and Bucky’s feelings of self-preservation was severely lacking in your opinion. Tonight he had come home with a collection of injuries; two broken ribs, three gunshot wounds in various states of healing, and gashes on his knuckles and face. His response to your concern? They’ll all be healed up by tomorrow afternoon, probably. That was the phrase that cut to the bone and made you finally say something. Ugly things were said. Accusations were made.

The living room was now in disarray. Things were thrown in frustration and anger, Bucky’s pent-up adrenaline needing an outlet other than just his voice climbing in volume. The room seemed lifeless and colorless, the tealight candles you had set up with the goal of a cozy night in having burned themselves out over the last hour. There was shattered glasses on the floor. A picture of you and Bucky hung crocked on the wall after being shifted by Bucky’s fist. The tv laying face down on the floor after being shoved off the tv stand.

“Just make me understand, James,” You plead, voice broken and barely above a whisper.

“Understand what?” He asks, voice bland and dry. Resigned. It was a tone of voice you weren’t used to hearing directed at you by him. The tone cut through your core like a dull blade.

“Everything, James. You can't win every time, some time it's going to be too close of a call,” You say seething, angered further by his lack of understanding when it came to your concern.

“You have that little faith in me? Think I can't get the job done?” He says with a scoff, followed by a humorless laugh.

“It’s not about the damn job, James. I know you can do your job. It's about you. Your health. Mental, physical, emotional, everything. You put yourself on the line the way the others don’t. You jump into fire without a thought,” You tell him, choking up again, reaching out to him and pleading with your eyes for him to understand. It hurts as he takes a step back from you.

“That’s what I’m paid to do,” Bucky says, shaking his head with a lack of understanding that angers you further.

“No it’s not. You’re paid to help, to advise; not to be a fucking human shield and practically go on suicide missions,” You spit out, full of unbridled rage at his lack of care for himself.

“Tell me this doll,” He begins, running a tired hand over his face, “what do I do when a fellow agent dies on my watch when I could have taken the hit and lived?” He asks with a new softness. Of course, he wants to protect others. It's one of his most noble traits, but it fills you with frustration this time.

You shake your head, muttering that he still doesn't understand the point.

“I might have abnormally good hearing, but I don’t know what you just said,” He says blandly, looking at you imploringly.

“I said, what will I do when you don’t survive? What do I do when the haul your body off the jet in a fucking body bag? What do I do when I have to bury you? When I don’t have you anymore? What do I do then, Bucky?” You ask, heart in your throat, feeling like vomiting just from stating your worst fears out loud.

Bucky blinks at you, jaw slightly open.

“What will I do then, James? Because with your lack of self-preservation, it is not an ‘if’, it is a when.” You ask him softly.

“Doll, I-“ He starts, before you hold up a hand, silently asking him to not continue with what you are sure is another faulty reasoning for his actions.

“Please, James. Just answer this, what if roles were reversed, and you were in my shoes. Waiting for the day I wound up dead because I didn’t care about my own safety?” You ask him.

You watch as he looks down at his hands. He swallows dryly and thinks before he looks up and meets your eyes again.

“I’d be terrified,” He says softly, unspoken apologies in his eyes.

“Exactly. I am filled with dread and fear nearly every day.” Honesty is now pouring out of you without stopping, the flood gates now wide open.

There's another pause. You reach up to wipe away the leftover tears on your cheek. Bucky gingerly steps forward, hands reaching out to you and softly landing on your hips as he holds you at arms length.

“I can’t quit,” He says quietly.

You immediately shake your head hard, hands reaching up to hold his face.

“Bucky, you love what you do, and I love that for you. I’m not asking that of you. I'm just asking that you take more precautions. Think before just running into situations. Bring more back up with you when possible. Keep yourself safe. And come home to me.” You explain, as you gently stroke his jaw.

“Doll, I- well, no, nevermind,” He trails off, closing his eyes and stepping back from you as his arms fall to his side dejectedly. His quick withdraw confuses you.

“What, Buck? What's going on in that mind of yours?” You ask him, a slight fear of the answer you may receive.

“Maybe this should be it,” He says softly, not meeting your eyes.

“What are you saying?” You ask in a whisper.

“Sometimes I have to do solo missions. That’s something I can't stop. Less people, less parts of the equation to worry about. And if something happens to me, it’s not like it's not deserved,” He explains to you, voice oddly stoic. The real reason for his recklessness was much darker than you imagined. It wasn’t ignorant carelessness, instead he truly did not care if he died. He felt it was deserved.

It feels as if the floor is crumbling beneath your feet.

“Bucky, baby, what?” You choke out.

“You’ve seen the files on me and my past, doll. I know you have,” He tells you as he sits on the couch with his back to you, like that explains everything. In a way, it does.

Anger suddenly lights all your nerve-endings on fire. Anger for the past, anger at HYDRA, anger at the abuse and torture Bucky faced, anger that he is still suffering now. You find yourself marching to the front of the couch and kneeling in front of the still broken man you love.

“James, look at me,” you order, taking his face in your hands gently.

He looks up to you, his eyes a window to his torment. There are unshed tears there, and a frown present.

“Baby, you deserve a long, healthy, and happy life. You have made your amends, despite your past actions not even being your own. That was not you. You do not have to throw yourself into the worst conditions to prove your worthiness to be alive. Please know this,” Your voice brokenly begs.

His hands rise from their place on his knees to rest on your own, pulling them from his face and holding them in his own, thumbs stroking the back of your hands.

“Let me talk to your bosses. Let me call your therapist. It isn’t good to feel this way, baby,” You suggest.

Bucky thinks for a moment, looking at your face, like he’s trying to commit it to memory.

“Please, Bucky, let me call them,” You beg him, tears streaming down your face again.

A moment passes, as Bucky continues to look at you.

“You know, the only reason I’ve had a shred of preservation on missions lately is for you. Guess I’m too selfish to give you up yet,” He softly tells you, breaking your heart even more.

“Bucky, I want you to want to live and survive for yourself. Not just me, baby. I’m going to call them okay? But I’ll be right here by your side the whole time. It’s going to be okay,” You tell him, grabbing your phone from the coffee table and taking a seat next to him on the couch.

You made quick work of calling the necessary people. You called his therapist, who asked you to drive him to the compound as soon as possible, where they would do intake and he would be taken in for observation and inpatient therapy and treatment. You then called into the office, explaining vaguely that Bucky needed to go in for some treatment, and would be taking a leave of absence until he was well again.

You held his hand as you lead him past the mess of the living room to your shared bedroom, sitting him on the bed before you turned and grabbed both of your suitcases from the closet, bumbling around the room as you quickly packed bags for you both.

“I’m sorry, for all of this, I don’t know how my head got so messed up again,” He tells you dejectedly, not making eye contact.

You tsk, coming to stand in front of him and wrapping your arms around him, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

“Brains can get unwell just like the rest of us. You have nothing to be sorry for. You let me help you help yourself, and that’s all I can ask for. I’m here with you, and were going to be okay,” You tell him, before giving him a gentle kiss and moving back to packing.

You both stay in your pajamas, loading your suitcases in the trunk of the car before quickly driving to the compound, you having one hand in Bucky’s and one hand on the steering wheel the entire drive.

Upon arriving, Bucky and you are met at the door by his therapist and a nurse Bucky knows well. They usher you both back to a private room and explain the upcoming process of how things will go as he is admitted for inpatient services to help him with the way he is feeling. As they begin to ask in depth questions, you offer to give him privacy.

He quickly grabs your hand, firmly but gently all at the same time. His eyes shine as he looks to you.

“Please stay,” He whispers.

You smile at the sweet man in front of you, leaning in to give him a kiss before whispering against his lips a promise you vow to always keep.

“Always.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #james bucky barnes #winter soldier #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky #bucky barnes x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagines #preciousbarnes fics

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that-damn-fouth-chaosemerald · 7 months ago

Note

Hey if this is not a problem sun and moon show x insecure or shy reader please

𝐓𝐒𝐚𝐌𝐒 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

×A/N×

Hi! I'm so sorry it took so long! I this was one of the requests that I had to spend a long time writing it. Mostly because you didn't specify who you needed, so I tried to write a little for everyone. I hope you're happy with it! ^^

Soon, I'll be done the other requests aswell!

Also, I didn't write scenario for every character, mostly because I couldn't think of anything new TwT

And they might be out of character aswell-

×❢ About my work ❢×

fluff, I'm just writing random scenarious here and there, don't mind me, angst maybe?, panic attack, hurt/comfor, the reader has no pronouns, imagine Killcode with his old model, everybody just loves their dear partner, they can't help it, no proof read, I'm tired af

Requested by: @noinoi999

Character(s): Eclipse, You| (Y/N) |The Reader, Dark Sun, Bloodmoon, Ruin, Sun, Old Moon, Nexus, Earth, Lunar, Frank, Jack, Killcode

Ship(s): Tsams characters (except Moon, Nexus, Lunar and Earth)/ Reader, Earth & Reader, Lunar & Reader, Moon & Reader, Nexus & Reader

Form: Headcanons

[The artworks are not mine! The credit of the thumbnail arts belongs to their right artist!]

Sun

General:

• At the begining Sun will concerned why don't you want to talk anyone.

• He'll approach you carefully and if you refuse him, he'll leave you alone.

• Maybe something scared you? I mean, he wouldn't be surprised if that actually happened. This dimension is full of danger. Sometimes even he gets creeps from it...

• "Hey..." You jumped a little as you heard someone speak beside you. The jester looked at you concerned. You've been hiding in this little corner of the Daycare for... Damn, even you don't know how long. Maybe he came to check up on you. "Are you okay? You know, I've been watching when do you you want to come out of here, but you didn't move an inch." Sun chuckled softly. "Are you feeling sick? Do you need help?"

"No..." You answered as you looked into his pure white eyes. Huh... No pupils'. "I'm just... Unsure. I didn't want to bother people." You spoke as you struggled to swallow lump in your throat.

"Oh! Don't worry about that!" Sun shook his head before coming closer to you. "Earth and Lunar are busy for now. Do you want to help me clean up the Daycare?" He kindly offred his hand. You were thinking a bit before answering. Maybe the cleaning will distract you of some things and you can get a chance to get to know the yellow animatronic better. He seems interesting...

" Sure! " You said softly as you seen his concerned look dissapear. He looked more cheerful than before.

"Wonderful!"

• And from that moment, he doesn't hesitate asking you to help clean up. And to be honest, you don't really have problems with this. Sun is more than a great company.

• Also Moon isn't willing to interact with others aswell, so Sun knows at least a little bit of how to handle this.

• He'll include you into conversations with the others at times. He's confident that they would be happy to get to know you better. However, he won't push you, he'll do the process softly, giving you enough time to open up to him and the other animatronics!

Relationship hcs:

• Almost the same, you two still doing the clean ups and other things together. Sun wants to be close and give you comfort anytime you need it.

• He gives you comfort by gentle touches and complimets. He'll hand you his cats too if they make you feel better!

• "You did so well today, sunshine!"

• He thought about including you taking care of the kids in the Daycare aswell, but since you prefer being with his cats instead, he won't force you

• He'll try to avoid things that make you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Also, he is really attentive! He'll often scan you to see how are you feeling.

• He can be energetic sometimes (tho nowadays this is rare). Despite that he is always patient with you. His touches are always gentle, never forceful.

• A bit back to comfort — he'll gently gives a squeeze to your pinky or shoulders, or rubs your hand OR wraps one of his arm around you to reassure that he's here with you

• "Don't worry, hon, everything is okay!"

• If you're really insecure about touching, he'll ask everytime "Is this okay?" or for example "Can we hold hands?". He would never force something on you that you're uncomfortable with. He always asks firts and then acts.

• In the end, he would be a gentle and caring partner! And he would easily hand you comfort aswell!

Old Moon and Nexus

General:

• The Moons aren't really shy, despite that, they can't be called social either.

• Nexus won't really talk to you, if you have nothing he needs or you can help with. If you have a deeper friendship with him, he might share some of his thoughts with you, but he keeps his plans to himself. If you're good with technology, then it will probably be one of you two's main topic.

• Same with Old Moon, however he'll be a bit more concerned and attentive than Nexus. He is more rather to ask you if you're okay.

• Both of them have a good sense to recognise it if you aren't feeling well. They will both react, but Old Moon will show more care.

• Both of them feel a little bit awkard when it comes to comforting. They'll try their best, even though they aren't really good with emotions.

• Now that I think of it - they are more than okay with this. They were (well, at least Old Moon) meant to appeare at nightime, so they are used to the silent. In fact, they prefer a quiet person by their side than a really loud one. You're almost matching their vibes! Nexus isn't really care anymore and he can be rule, but if you feel unsure about something and you ask them to help you out, they will!

• If you feel unsure about something, they will confirm you or send you compliments like Sun.

"That looks good!"

"Great!"

Solar

General:

• He won't complain, if you chose to stay in the theatre. The theatre is usually a quiet place at the evenings, so he can understand why did you choose it.

• You cautiously stepped into the daycare's theatre. After you looked around you took an another step. It seemed like you were alone.

"Are you searching for someone? I don't think there's a movie that is currently playing right now..." You yelped as you heard someone beside you. You turned your head to the direction of the sound. The animatronic by your side was similar to the Sun one, but still looked so different. The rays and half his face looked orange-ish, but the other half was much more darker. He wore dark gloves and a slightly torned 'Superstar Daycare' shirt. He also seemed tall and tired. Damn, how didn't you notice him before?

"Oh... I'm just-" You tried to find the words under his gaze. "I was just looking for a more quiet place and I was thinking about staying here. But I don't want to bother you, so I'll just..." You moved to walk away, before he replied.

"You can stay, I don't mind." He shrugged before he stood up.

"Okay... thanks"

"We also have some snacks. Do you want something?"

• Solar is pretty chill about it. You can stay as long as you like, just don't bother him.

• If you don't want to be found by the others, he'll hide you away and cover for you.

• If you ask him, he'll help you out

• Also, he and Earth will help you settle in together!

Relationship hcs:

• Solar won't admit it, but he finds you cute. He won't say it, mainly because he doesn't want to make you feel embarassed.

• Since you two will mostly spend the time in the Theatre, he'll make a small spot of pillows and blankets for you to settle down somewhere.

• Ocassionally he'll let you help with his work, but trust me, just your presence gives him a lot of support

• Okay, maybe he'll tease you just a little bit to see your reaction

• "You want to help me? Really? Oh, you're just the sweetest."

• OH, and also if you need help with something, first he'll help you out by showing you how to do it then he'll analize it how you manage to imitate it.

• "Keep it up, you're doing great!"

Eclipse

General:

• Won't question it really

• Eclipse will definitely mock you with how shy you are. Mostly because of fun. He can be a jerk at times, but besides teasing he won't harass you seriously.

• "What? Cat got your tounge?"

• Same with the other animatronics, he can easily recognise it if you are overwhelmed. He's not good at giving comfort, so you two will probably just stay in silence while you try to relax a little. Although, you two might share small talks.

• "You seem pale... are you okay?"

• As long as you don't make a noise he won't mind you.

• He can be a little mean when it comes to helping, but despite that he will still do it.

• "Seriously? But this is so easy. Okay, pay attention, because I'll only explain it once."

Relationship hcs:

• Eclipse finds you adorable and will tell you just to see your reaction. He'll also try to make you flustered almost all the time.

• He just can't help it, he loves seeing it how flushed you can get just from his words.

• He'll be always behind you, looking out for you. If you aren't feeling well, he'll most likely know about it.

• He'll appreciate it if you find comfort in his presence and trust me, he's much more than happy to be around you, but with all of this he won't let you in his lab. HOWEVER he will search a quieter place in the pizzaplex for you two to enjoy each other!

• When helping, he'll be gentlier and more patient, but still can be a little sarcastic.

• "Good! See? It's not difficult."

• You weren't really good at technology, but you wanted to help Eclipse as much as you can. And to understand technology, you need to learn it first. Which came with many difficulties. You weren't stupid, no, it's just it can be tiring and complicated. How great is that Eclipse is always here to help. :) "I don't think that's how you do it." You heard a low chuckle behind you as heavy steps metalic were made by your way. "Let me show you how it's done. Give me your hand, dear." He said beside your ears as you had to hold back a squeek to not boost his ego more. "Okay." You tried your best to sound as neutral as you could, but it didn't matter, your voice felt quiter than before and the blood boiling on your cheeks didn't help either. You just hoped that Eclipse didn't notice it. But knowing him, he already did. Your hands were on the mouse you worked with, and his were on yours. He moved the way he wished to move the mouse. No words were made, but he was gentle. A few clicks could be heard before he let your warm hands go. "There we go!" Nevertheless, he didn't move an ich, he stayed behind you. You didn't make eye contact with him, but you felt like he was watching. "Thank you, Eclipse." You tried to sound condident, rather than embarassed. But despite that, you were greatful for his help. "You're welcome, my love."

Earth

General:

• Okay, so Earth is just the sweetest and gentliest of all of them!

• If she doesn't know well, she'll get worried about why don't you want to talk with anyone.

• She'll help you fit in and you can almost always rely on her! If you need help with something just call her, she'll be right there! Although she might not be able to help with EVERYTHING, but she'll try her best. And when she does help, she's usually patient and optimistic.

• "Don't worry, we can try it again! No one is perfect, it's okay if you can't do it without failing! Plus, I'm here to help!"

• Earth'll be so happy to meet you, but at the same time she'll try to act calm. She wouldn't want to scare you away!

• She is pretty good at taking care of people. She will quickly noItice it if you're getting overwhelmed and will try her best to calm you down. She can easily hand you comfort and her positiveness always manages to cheer you up a little!

• You gasped for more air, but it always felt like you catched nothing of it. Your heart beated rapidly in your chest, your hands started to shake, and you were pretty sure that if this continues then you're going fall apart. Suddenly you felt someone grabbing your shoulders. You yelped as you looked up the person before you. You wanted to tell that you aren't feeling well, but no words came out your mouth. "Just take a breathe," Earth spoke softly, still holding you by your shoulders. "it's going to be okay." She told you to count one to five, and you did as she wished. Together you started to calm your heart down and finally your breathing become steady aswell. "Thank you." you breathed out quietly, still trying to collect yourself back together. "It's okay." Earth gave you a warm smile before leading you to a quiter room.

• She'll be the person who always goes to check up on you!

• Tho, don't get her wrong, if you need some alone time, she'll accept that and wait till you ready to talk again!

• Will ask first you, before doing anything

• She'll be surprised if she hears you for the first time talk or speaking louder, but she'll quickly turn happy about it!

Lunar:

General:

• With how tiny he is, he'll definitely surprise you without noticing him. Like just imagine you're sitting in the corner, silently going trough your thoughts and suddenly he's like "Why are you sitting in the corner?"

• Don't get him wrong, he doesn't mean to scare you, it's just hard to notice him when you're not fully aware of your surrondings

• He rather asks you, than scans you.

• He'll get concerned if you stay quiet for long time

• Lunar doesn't mind that you are shy, actually it's kinda calming when he's working with loud children all around the daycare

• He'll also try to include you into conversations more and more often as time goes by, and he'll be so happy if you choose to open up for him!

• He'll gladly help if you ask him! Don't be afraid, he's more than happy to help a friend out!

• If you're overwhelmed, he'll most likely take you out in the nature! Either for stargazing or just simply enjoying the beauty of it.

• You were trying to get rid off the though glue that the kids left on one of the tables. The Daycare was finally quiet, all the kids were picked up by their parents. You were only here because you promised Earth to help clean up in Daycare, and to be honest it got off your mind of some things. You got job in the pizzaplex a few days ago. You've been trying to avoid as much attention as you could, but the celestial animatronics always seemed to do the opposite with you. You've already met a few, but you wanted to take things slowly. Earth and Lunar were one of the first animatronics you met personally. They are kind and patient with you, which you are greatful for. You need some time to open up to people. Honestly, this work isn't so bad. It could be worse. "Are you okay?" You could swear to god that your heart almost jumped out of your chest. You looked down on the small lavender animatronic surprised. "Geez, Lunar, you startled me." "Sorry, didn't mean to." he apologised with a small smile, but his expression quickly turned into concern. "Are you doing okay? You've been quiet all day." "Yeah... I just," you started something, but you didn't finish it. "It's been a long day, I guess." You said as you turned back to your work. You weren't lying, though. "You wanna talk about it?"

Ruin

General:

• To be honest, they won't really pay attention to it

• For neutral, when you ask for their help, it depends on how long time it takes. You broke one of the machines in the pizzaplex? Don't he can quickly fix it. You need help with cleaning the Daycare? No, thank you, but he'll definitely tell Earth on the way. He's more helping when you have a friendship with him.

• Oh my god I just imagined like- How enjoyable would be just seeing them sing Hamilton with cleaning supplies in their hand! Also, he would totally live it.

• If you are a quiet one, he might get surprised hearing you speak

• Despite what relationship you have with them, they can still recognise when you aren't feel, and they'll take care of you.

• Also, at helping, he's mostly energetic, but still patient. He won't rush you, but always check what you are doing!

• "Hmm... I think that looks good enough!"

• Well, this depends on his mood, but I don't think your presence would bother them.

• You desired some space to clear your mind and you chose the arcade for that. The Pizzaplex were mostly empty for now. Just some staff bots lurked all around and they didn't really bother you. You stepped deeper into the arcade until you were caught in surprise by realising that you're not alone. You were about to leave when the daycare attendant spoke up. "You can stay." They said as a small smile appeared on their face. You couldn't lie, he has his charm. "I don't mind a little company you know. So? What are you standing there? Sit down, friend!"

Relationship hcs:

• Ruin finds you adorable! He might tease you a little bit about it, but he does it playfully.

• Okay, so I think Ruin would be the kind of lover, who is always by your side. Simply, because they just love their partner so much and they love their company! So with that, he would quickly recognise it when you aren't feeling well.

• To relax, he will mostly spend time with you in the arcade, watch anime or listen to some musical.

• You need help? He's more than happy to help out his beloved partner! Sometimes, they will just ask without you needing them.

• "Is everything okay, hon?" • "Do you need help with that?"

• You smiled as you heard your partner humming happily song tunes. They were so busy working on the machines they didn't even notice you were staring at them. He was so silly and you couldn't help but adore him. "I think we're done for today, Ruin!" You excaimed it as you stood up from the couching pose. "Already? Huh..." They sounded surprised, but neverthless they still stoped. "Time is just flying so fast when I'm with you, darling!" They smiled cheerfully as they came to your side. You couldn't help but smile aswell. The feeling of someone adoring you this much made your heart flutter. "Thank you for helping me check the aracde machines! It would have take much longer time I was doing it alone." You admitted. "It's okay, dear! I'm more than happy to help you!" They said as they wrapped their arm around your waist.

Bloodmoon

General:

• Okay, knowing Bloodmoon, they will definitely use this against you somehow

• They'll also probably mock you about it

• However, if you are friends with them, they might enjoy your company if you're a quiet one. At least you don't interrupt their hunting time.

• They'll get very surprised if you asking help of them

• "Damn, you must be in a really bad situation, if you're asking help from us."

• Also, not 100% they'll actually help-

• Don't forget that they aren't good at everything aswell. So maybe at times they really can't help at all

• Like imagine you're fixing something you broke in the previous minute and you two look at each other like

"So... What ya think?" "... I don't know." "Does it look fixed?" "..." "I really don't know what am I doing..." "Yes, we can see that."

• They'll get taken aback if you talk back to them, but still won't hesitate to hurt you.

Relationship hcs:

• It's the same, they won't really mind your behaviour

• They'll check up on you more

• When you're asking for their help, they'll still get surprised, but they're more willing to help on their partner

• "Really? You're asking help from us? Well... okay, what is it?"

• You don't have to worry about socializing. We all know that they can't be still more than 5 minutes, so they'll probably spend their time outside. AND in that time, they can get supplies you need while they're away. Don't ask how they got it-

• Although, if you have no choice, but go out in public, they'll watch out for you from the distance. Don't worry, you'll never feel alone when you're with them. :)

• They'll encourage you by telling you

• "I think that's good." "It's okay." "Don't give up. You're getting better."

Killcode

General:

• He'll try his best not to scare you away

• Killcode knows how scary he looks, so he'll approach you slowly and gently

• He'll give you enough time to get used to him and maybe open up for him

• Despite his scary look, Killcode only shows gentleness, patience and understanding towards you. He isn't really an animatronic you should be scared

• He'll help you to get you used to this universe.

• He's always excited and happy when you share new informations of yourself. And he's so eager to learn about you more and more (especially if you're a human)! He's so interested!

• If you aren't a talkative one, he'll be happy when he hears you talk and he'll encourage you to do more

Relationship hcs:

• He loves helping out his partner anytime they need it! Though, maybe he won't be able to help with everything with his huge claws, but he'll try his best!

• He'll be by your side everytime! Giving you comfort and protection. But of course if you need some privacy, he'll give it to you.

• Killcode is very attentive towards his partner, he'll stay away from everything that would make you feel stressed.

• How does he hands you comfort? He'll most likely help you calm down with his voice, with thouches (reassuring squeezes), hushing ("Shh... It's okay, love" ) and with a tight but comforting hug. He always treats you gently.

Frank

General:

• Will try his best not to scare you

• Won't mind if you're asking help from him, he'll be more surprised

Relationship hcs:

• Frank can be really caring when it comes to comforting! He might not talk a lot, but he'll definitely treat you with gentle touches and such

• Also, he can be very cuddly aswell!

• He'll keep you safe from the distance

• Frank will be very happy, if he needs to help you out!

• He loves his partner so much, he'll do his best to protect them

Dark Sun

General:

• Dark Sun won't really mind a quiet person, actually.

• Won't show it, but he'll be surprised when he hears you spoke for the first time.

• You might seem a little suspicious to him at the beginning, but he'll quickly get used to your shy personality.

• He'll be lil shocked if you ask for his help. But, if he receives something aswell, he's willing to do it.

• So, for this scenario imagine that you're working with him. If you do something bad, he might get upset. He won't shout at you or anything, but he definitely won't get over it just this easily. He'll most likely watch you as you work (whether with cameras or in person). And just imagine hearing him behind you saying things like

• "No. I don't think that's right." "Keep going." "Good. Keep working." "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I'm glad that I gave you a chance to work with me back than. Don't let this go to your head too much."

Relationship hcs:

• If you're getting overwhelmed, he'll be quickly aware of it. He'll also hand you as much comfort as he's capable of. He can be cruel, but he's not a heartless being when it comes to you.

• Will avoid anything that may get you stressed. Somehow, he always manages to watch out for you.

• He isn't a loud one either, and actually he doesn't have any problems with spending the silence with you.

• He'll find it cute, but won't really mention it. Though, if he does, he does it so doubtlessly...

• He's more willing to help you. When helping, he's actually a really patient, gentle and deliberate!

• He usually gives support by small touches, but with much more words

• He reassures you mostly with praises

"Good job, darling"

Jack

General:

• Jack can be quite... well lively at times

• He might not approach you so gently, but don't worry, you don't have to be afraid of him

• He can be very interactive and curious when it comes to people!

Probably will ask many questions like

• "Why are you hiding?" "Are you afraid?" "Did someone hurt you?"

• Will apologise after if he scared you

• He'll keep in mind that you aren't a social person

Relationship hcs:

• Wherever you go, he'll watch out for you making sure about your well being.

• He can be so silly, he loves to make you laugh

• When comforting, he won't really talk. You'll most likely just cuddle while he holds you close

• Being in the darkness with him isn't so bad

67 notes · View notes

fayes-fics · 2 years ago

Text

A Helping Hand

2k Celebration Masterpost

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Modern AU. Benedict walks in on reader whilst she’s fantasising about him...

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, masturbation, voyeurism, vaginal fingering, female orgasm.

Word Count: 2.9 K (hahah "250-word drabble")

Authors Note: Eighth in my 2k follower celebration "drabbles". This is a request fill for @silverhallow from their ask HERE. This went WAYYYYYY over a drabble, sorry, I tried to reign it in, I really did. Unbetaed. Enjoy! <3

The uttering of his name is what catches his attention.

It’s muffled and distant to his ears as he quietly closes the front door. He's just here to visit his little sister El, but he knows some of her flatmates' work shifts, so he always enters quietly, almost furtive. Tucking the key into his pocket, he shakes his head, convinced it was just an auditory ghost.

But then he hears it again, closer now that he has moved down the corridor. It’s female but sounds edged with desperation. The hair on the back of his neck prickles, suddenly filled with concern that someone may require assistance, trapped perhaps under some heavy furniture. The fact no one knows he is even in the flat doesn't occur to him.

_____

You wish you didn't.

Want him as much as you do.

Benedict bloody Bridgerton.

He's your best friend’s older brother, never a good idea, but damn if he isn't every single thing you desire in a man. Tall, lithe, chestnut hair, hazy eyes, large, artistic hands and a troublesome crooked grin that makes butterflies erupt every time. Every. Damn. Time. And so, almost reluctantly, he is to be the star of your masturbatory fantasy tonight, indeed most nights lately.

Freshly showered, you peel off your robe, turn down your bedside light to a faint glow, and climb into your newly made bed, savouring the clean scent and the fluffiness of your pillows. Choosing to lay right in the middle of your double bed, your hands start to wander over your body, thoughts of him, his smiling face, filling your mind. As your fingers brush your nipples, you can't help his name escaping your lips.

“Ben…” it's breathy and feels wonderful in your mouth as your mind swirls with the image burned into your retina. It’s of him getting out of the pool last summer, water sluicing down the slim toned lines of his body as he shook out his hair like some bloody model. You almost bit through your damn lip, trying to keep in the sigh.

Your hands wander lower, swirling patterns over your belly that make you giggle in that same coquettish way you do when he cracks a joke in your presence. Part of you resents him for making you so damn giggly, to begin with; part of you wants him to make you laugh every day forever.

Then your fingers slide between your legs, and you call his name for real now as you encounter slick wetness, which is entirely his fault.

“Benedict…” you moan, louder this time, using his full name.

Suddenly overheated as you begin to make little circles with your middle finger, you throw back the covers around your ankles and screw your eyes shut, concentrating even harder on that mental Rolodex of memories of a man you should not be fantasising about.

“Benedict…” There is no disguising your moan now. Or your apparent addiction to saying his name. A slight clench deep in your gut every time you do, just heightening every sensation.

_____

He pushes open the door, filled with concern.

And screeches to a halt.

Oh god. It's YOU.

He didn't know this was YOUR room.

And oh fuck you are entirely naked, eyes closed, and… holy shit, you are masturbating.

His entire being is haywire. Chemicals flood his system making his head pound and his chest restrict. And his blood flow is entirely redirected southwards.

If there is one person who has always been on his ‘danger, danger’ list for as long as he can remember, it's you. But you are his little sister's best friend, which somehow seems wrong. But now. Dammit, nothing in him can remember why that is such a bad idea.

His eyes can't help sliding down your body, knowing how wrong it is to do this. To watch, to spy, to be a voyeur without your permission. And yet…. He doesn't stop. In fact, he does the opposite—slumping back onto the door so it accidentally clicks closed. Gaze roaming, drinking in your naked body, the line of your neck, the peak of your breasts, the flare of your hips, the shape of your legs as they writhe and oh god, the sound. The sound of your moans, your feet as they drag on the sheet, and best, or perhaps worst of all, the sound of your body, the slick wetness of your arousal as you finger yourself, dripping onto your hand.

“Benedict…..”

Oh FUCK. He is in trouble now—just throbbing hot and insistently against his fly. He shuts his eyes and tilts his head back, knowing it's wrong. His logical brain trying to fight its way in. It's possible that you could be thinking about a different Benedict. Yes, that’s it, he tells himself, trying desperately to calm his arousal. It's probably that Cumberbatch fellow she is all hot and bothered about. The thought it's not about him seems to work, shaking the hypnotic state, and he turns around and grabs the door handle, trying to escape silently without you realising.

“Bridgerton… please,” you groan, muffled as you turn your head and bite your pillow, still oblivious to his presence.

His forehead hits the door. Well, that's fucked it. Now he couldn't leave even if he wanted to. Which he really, really doesn’t. He's just going to have to style this out, and hope you will accept his presence. He's trying to decide the best approach that isn't creepy when you call out, and his instincts just take over.

“Oh god, please make me come…”

“I will,” he growls, whipping around to face you.

And all movement in the bed ceases.

_____

Your eyes fly open, and for a split second, you blink, utterly nonplussed; your fantasy object appears to have actualised by your bedroom door.

Then he moves, and you squeal, realising that it is very much not a mirage. That is Benedict. The real Benedict.

You grab at the duvet around your ankles and scramble under it.

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god!!!

How the fuck are you going to explain this???

Calling his name and…. Wait.

Did he say….?

You peek out from under the covers, and he is still there. One pace closer but not invading your space.

“Wh… what are you doing here?”

“I heard my name… I thought maybe someone needed help…” he seems sheepish.

I do! I do need help, your mind screams; I need those long fingers inside me!

You pull down the cover a little more so your face is visible. “Did you…?” You can't even bring yourself to complete the question.

“Yes, I saw, and I am so sorry,” he offers mutely, contrite. “I genuinely didn't mean to invade your privacy,” his tone sincere.

You sit up a little, your gaze falling to his jeans and holy fuck, he is aroused. Very aroused.

Is there a chance?! He wants you back?

“Don't be,” you try for nonchalance, unable to look away from the outline in the denim, your mouth salivating.

“Do you want some help?” his ask is so soft that for a moment, you swear you misheard, but your gaze cuts to his face, and his eyes are burning intensely, pupils blown.

“Yes, please,” you murmur back without thought. The warm smile that spreads across his face makes your heart gallop.

“Lay back down,” he says; the tone has changed. It's husky and deeper, and oh god, yes, please. “Pull down the covers.”

You do as bidden, your frame almost shaking with victory and apprehension as he takes a seat on the bed next to you.

“Touch me.”

It's out of your lips before you can stop it. Then an entirely different, wolfish grin breaks out.

“Where?” he challenges.

“Anywhere…” you offer, desperate for his hands on your body.

He is staring at you like you are a buffet of delicious options; all you can do is lay there, breathing unevenly, awaiting his choice. When fingertips brush the inside of your wrist, you want to swoon. It's light, almost imperceptible, causing a shiver to run down your spine; goosebumps breaking out all over your limbs. You meet his fiery gaze and have to bite your lip as those warm fingers make their way slowly up the sensitive skin of your inner forearm, then onto your bicep. The tease of it is completely enthralling. When he reaches your shoulder, he changes to a drag of his palm as he maps your clavicle.

“May I kiss you?” he asks so sweetly that something warm blooms in your chest.

“Please…” your response soft.

He leans in, then his lips meet yours and something inside you melts, bends, alters. It’s chaste at first, but your hunger for him is barely slaked, so when you open your lips, and his tongue brushes yours, the atmosphere changes. He senses your need, and while you kiss ferociously, over and over, his hand slides to cup your breast. He flicks the pad of his thumb over your nipple, making you cry out into his mouth. Your own body shocking you, how much that touch is a lightning rod straight to your core.

“How do you want me to be?” he murmurs as he drops kisses across your cheek.

“What do you mean?” your voice unfocussed, pressing up into his touch, his thumb still brushing teasingly over your pebbled nipple.

“Do you like silence or talking? Light touches or a firm hand? Praise or be called a bad girl? Do you like to be treated like a precious jewel or bossed around?” the casual way he asks hot into your ear, his lips catching your earlobe, makes your mind boggle. No one has ever asked what you want; they just sort of guessed and hoped you liked it. Or had no idea how do to anything different to what they did.

“I…” you stutter; all of the above are the words blinking like a neon sign in your mind.

_____

He chuckles outwardly at your lack of an answer but inwardly is indignant at every man who has ever been with you and not thought to ask.

“How about I try some things, and you tell me if you like them?” he suggests, enjoying your enthusiastic nodding, which makes him chuckle again, feeling you shiver under him as the vibration moves from his chest into you. So very responsive.

“What about you? Your preferences?” you ask belatedly with closed eyes as his lips map the column of your neck, tasting your shower gel and the warmth there, his thumb delighting in circling your areola.

“Irrelevant,” he dismisses into your skin, then pulls away to clarify after feeling your slight pout against his forehead. “Tonight, let's focus on your pleasure. Then if you enjoy yourself, perhaps we can discuss mine another time?”

He watches as you exhale a shaky, almost disbelieving okay, your stare locked on his. Again he is almost angry on your behalf that this appears to be the first time someone has offered you something expecting nothing in return. Part of him wants to yell at you for accepting mediocrity; part of him - the competitive, possessive part - wants to make this so good you never desire another man.

He kisses a line from your neck to your breast, feeling your weighted, anticipatory stare as he runs his nose lightly over your nipple before drawing it into his mouth, suckling hard, tasting the sweetness of your skin, the puffiness under his lips. Victory crests in his veins as your hand flies into his hair, silently asking for more, pushing up into his mouth. As he suckles, he runs a hand down your body, a firmer touch over your tummy that you appear to appreciate, and he can feel your pulse and breaths quickening under him as his destination becomes apparent.

“Now you were already so occupied here when I entered…” he rumbles into your breast, his fingers slipping between your thighs, which he is pleased to note seem to fall open on instinct. He revels in your sharp inhale and moans as he ploughs his fingers into your soaked flesh without a moment's hesitation. The viscous heat making his cock throb hard in his jeans. “Wow,” he breathes, kissing over to your other breast, “you are absolutely soaking, aren't you?”

It's rhetorical, but you appear incapable of answering anyway, just squirming into his touch, almost as if you want more and less all at once.

“Harder,” you implore mutely, and he looks up from your breast.

“What was that?” he teases, watching micro-expressions of desire and abashment flutter over your features.

“Touch me, go harder,” you puff, almost cringing, which he happens to find utterly charming.

“Now we are getting somewhere…” he smirks, the press of his fingers becoming more determined. Finding your swollen clit with unerring precision and teasing flicks over it. The engorged nub feels delightful under the pads of his fingers; he has to tamp down the urge to pinch it and make you scream—for another time, perhaps.

He definitely needs to be the best you've ever had, a burning need under his ribs.

_____

You mutter nonsense and his name as he sucks on your nipple and nudges your clit at just the right speed to make you burn hot, mouth going slack, eyes fluttering shut.

“That’s it,” he murmurs into you, something about the praising tone firing your synapses.

“Don’t stop,” your voice wrecked, almost a sob, as you feel yourself ascending an invisible ladder. “Please, just don’t stop.”

“I won't,” he promises duskily, “in fact…..”

And that is all the warning you get before he drives two fingers inside your weeping pussy, and you almost rocket off the bed. Those long elegant fingers reaching places you never have or could, the swell of his knuckles pressing your walls open. It's even better than you ever imagined.

You chant his name and grip his arm, loving the flex of tendons as he rhythmically rocks into you. He watches you as you spiral, his eyes sparkling in the low lamplight. Being his sole focus makes everything melt away, turning molten and sweet, like warm toffee.

Needing to reciprocate in some way, make him as unleashed as you, your hand falls instinctively to his lap and grasps his rigid cock. He groans loudly, his fingers inside you flexing, his teeth scraping your breasts, lighting a fire over your skin.

He senses your urgency, your need for more, to push you higher. So his motions get stronger, firmer; he snags your nipple between his teeth and tugs gently, his thumb presses harder onto your clit, circling faster as his fingers start to hook and graze your walls, knowing when he has reached a sensitive spot by the flex of your fingers around his clothed cock and your biting of your lip.

“That's it, good girl,” he murmurs, moving up to capture your lips with a searing kiss.

His other hand, which has been taking his weight on the mattress next to you, moves to cup the back of your neck, pull you up off the pillow slightly, grasping the hair at the base of your skull. Not painfully, just enough to heighten things.

“Look at me,” he demands gruffly, and you do, panting and mouth slightly agape, his eyes hungry and expression proud as you dangle so close to a precipice. “You look breathtaking, untamed, wild; I want to fuck you so hard you scream my name,” he confesses in more of a snarl than words, diving in for another kiss.

“Please….” you beg, uncertain what for, except more.

No one has been this primal with you before, meeting a need you didn't even know you had. Your cerebral processes taking a backseat, just rooted in your body and strung out on a tide of chemicals and sensations.

A few more moves of his fingers and you are palpitating inside; the pressure breaking like a dam, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body, so much he has to angle himself over you to hold you down as your muscles convulse; he has to push hard to keep his fingers inside you as you clench and release with a strength that makes him growl. You are crying out so loud the hand entwined in your hair moves and clamps over your mouth, gagging you and hushing you, leaning into your cheek with hot breaths, reminding you there are others in this flat, that you need to be quieter. Although all the while, as he says it, you can see the trace of smug hubris on his face that he is the cause. It makes you want to suck those fingers between your lips and bite him.

As you flop, still panting, he withdraws his fingers and, just to tease, slides them into his mouth as you watch, disbelieving, clenching around nothing as his face contorts into ecstasy at your taste. Then he kisses you deeply, rolling your own flavour onto your tongue as his hands draw delicate lines over your torso.

“How was that?” he smirks as he pulls away.

Your eyes are still closed from the kiss, suddenly awash with a drowsy sated pull deep in your being. Unfussed with words, in response, you move the hand idly twisted in his lap and grab his cock again, squeezing hard.

“Stop that,” he groans but doesn't bat your hand away; he pushes into it, in fact.

You just ghost a smile, eyes still closed, and lick your lips, pressing the flat of your palm against his length.

“Don't make me come in my underwear like a teenage boy,” he hums, tinged with recklessness.

“Take them off then,” your goad in a whisper, eyes popping open and meeting his, re-energised by the feral hunger you find there.

“Lock. The. Door.” he orders slowly and deadly, staring you down.

You can’t scramble for the door fast enough.

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