#It didn't last very long the dream & I'm glad that was horrible | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ilovetheriddler · 5 months ago

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hiii would it be alright if I requested a fluff fanficfion about Joseph oda x fem coworker reader who tends to get flustered really easily and has a crush on Joseph with neither of them knowing that the feeling is reciprocated? whereas it is painfully obvious they both have feelings for each other but they're the only ones who don't see it. and that they have been friends/coworkers for at least a year or 2 but never admitted their feelings to each other but to those close to them? thanks so much for your time!! 🦭 I love joseph so much and I'm surprised more ppl don't talk about him!

Yes!! Thank you so much for requesting this! I adore Joseph so much, so I loved writing this. It is truly a shame that nobody really talks about him anymore! I hope I made this Fluffy enough, I hope you enjoy this! 💚

Oblivious Affections.

(The Evil Within) Joseph Oda x F! Reader.

(Takes place a few years before the events of the main story.)

Word Count: 1,150.

Contents: longing, two friends oblivious of each others feelings, kissing, love confessions, Some Fluff.

You have been working at the Krimson City Police Department for two years now. Over that time, you've grown incredibly close to a detective who has worked there a few more years than you. Detective Joseph Oda. His partner on the force, Sebastian Castellanos, would even often make remarks about how the two of you were practically inseparable.

Truth be told, you felt more than just friendship for Joseph. In fact, you were madly in love with him. However, you could never bring yourself to admit it to him, even whenever the moment would be perfect to do so, you just couldn't risk the chance of him not feeling the same and it possibly ruining your friendship.

However, unbeknownst to you, Joseph was currently going through the exact same internal conflict and emotional turmoil. He wasn't quite sure when these feelings first developed. Was it that time when you offered to clean off his glasses for him when they were horribly smudged? The time when you went out of your way to make him a cake for his birthday last year? Did they develop as a result of your endearing laugh and smile? Or perhaps it was a mixture of everything that slowly, but surely built up.

He ultimately sighs and gets back to looking over some of the case files lying on his desk. He glances up briefly once he notices Sebastian walking over to his respective desk. He waves at him slightly.

"Morning Seb, how's being a new father treating you so far?"

"It's been rough. Lily's an extremely light sleeper, so she wakes up at all hours of the night. But you know, I love her and Myra very much, and honestly, i wouldn't ever dream of trading it for anything else."

Sebastian sits down and takes a drink from his cup of coffee. He's quiet for a few minutes until he looks over at Joseph. He has a slightly amused look in his eyes as he flashes Him a sly smile.

"So... How have things been going between you and that girl you're infatuated with...?"

"H-huh?! ... is it really that obvious that I like her...?"

Sebastian lets out a highly amused chuckle at this. Finding it somewhat funny how someone as smart as Joseph didn't realize how obvious he was when it came to his feelings for you.

"Joseph, you gawk at that poor girl like a damn fish! The whole precinct is aware of how you feel, for Pete's sake!"

"What?! The whole precinct, that's.... oh God. How long has everyone known...?"

"For months now, probably almost a year if I'm being entirely honest. As far as I'm concerned, the only person as oblivious as you would actually be her!"

Joseph feels his face heat up in embarrassment over this. But he was at least glad that you apparently were none the wiser about his feelings... That's for the best. He wouldn't want to screw things up by making things awkward.

After a few hours of going through open and closed case files and organizing some things he needed to, he went to the break room. Mainly to grab a new cup of coffee and maybe something to eat. But also with the hope of running into you, his heart pounding rapidly at the very thought.

He walks into the break room and makes his way over to the coffee maker, pouring himself a new cup before also grabbing a donut from the box on the counter, most likely brought it by Sebastian. He's so lost in his own thoughts as he eats that he doesn't even notice when you walk in. Not until you clear your throat to get his attention.

"O-oh! Excuse me, I apologize. I was just... thinking of some things...."

"... it's alright, Joseph. I just walked in, so i haven't even been standing here long..."

He then notices that you look somewhat nervous. His curiosity only grew once he noticed that you were currently holding something behind your back. After a bit, you speak up.

"I um... Have you a gift... I remember that you said a few weeks ago that today would mark exactly six years of you working here... so I wanted to get you something to celebrate that..."

"Really? Well... I appreciate the thought, but you didn't have to get me anything."

You look down nervously and reluctantly hand him the wrapped up gift. He looks at it, wondering what it could be before he begins to unwrap it. His eyes widen once he sees what it is. A new mug with the words "The best bespectacled detective." It makes him chuckle a bit until he realizes that each letter is hand painted. You painstakingly hand painted every single letter on this mug for him. He's so overjoyed by the sheer thoughtfulness of the gift that before he can even realize and process what he's doing, he leans in close to your face and kisses your cheek.

"Thank you... God, I love you so much...."

"H-huh? Y-you love me...?"

He could feel his heart nearly stop, and his face heating up horribly as he realized what he had just done and said. He just told you that he loves you. He just stands there somewhat frozen in a panic. He can turn this around. He has to. He'll think of something to keep this from getting awkward.

But before he can utter a single potential excuse, you grab his collar suddenly and pull him into a proper and passionate kiss. He's so shocked that he feels as if he's going to faint. Until he finally snaps out of his flustered state and places one of his hands on the side of your face, carefully cradling it. While his other hand tangles itself in your hair. After a few more seconds, you both pull away for air. He gently caresses the side of your face as he stares lovingly and slightly dazed into your eyes.

"I'll take that to mean that you feel you feel the same way.... am I right?"

"Yes.... I love you too, Joseph. I have for a while now, but I've been so worried about messing everything up... so I thought it would be better if I didn't tell you..."

He lets out an amused chuckle as he kisses your cheek again quickly.

"That's funny.... because that's exactly what I was doing as well.... I guess we were both quite foolish in doing that... weren't we, my love...?"

"Yeah.... it was honestly quite ridiculous.... why did we have to overthink it so much?"

"I suppose we were both just too worried about being rejected....."

He holds you closely in his arms, resting his head on your shoulder as he sighs in contentment. After all this worrying... everything finally became the way he desperately desired. Just him and the love of his life in his arms.

#the evil within #joseph oda #Joseph oda x reader #x reader #fanfic

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serial-serializednovelreader · 4 months ago

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Nova's Notes - North and South Weekly - Chapter 5

In which Margaret has to make yet more decisions...

"'I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, Through constant watching wise, To meet the glad with joyful smiles, And to wipe the weeping eyes; And a heart at leisure from itself To soothe and sympathise.' Anon."

I feel like this poem embodies Margaret's hopes and prayers during this chapter: to not just be happy at the good times, but to also wash away the bad times and soothe others when needed. Unfortunately, we can't say the same for her parents.

"Margaret made a good listener to all her mother’s little plans for adding some small comforts to the lot of the poorest parishioners. She could not help listening, though each new project was a stab to her heart."

Speaking of, even though she's just had a very difficult conversation with her father, she still does her best to be a sympathizing ear for her mother...yet again. Though this time it's even more painful because her mother is talking of a future they can't have anymore. What's also interesting about this passage is that we get to see Mrs. Hale taking an active interest in the parishioners! I know before I said she didn't seem to care about the parishioners, but I'm so glad this proves me wrong!!! It's sad that Margaret has to hear this though :(

“'Oh, mamma, let us do all we can,' said Margaret eagerly, not seeing the prudential side of the question, only grasping at the idea that they were rendering such help for the last time; 'we may not be here long.' 'Do you feel ill, my darling?' asks Mrs. Hale, anxiously, misunderstanding Margaret’s hint of the uncertainty of their stay at Helstone. 'You look pale and tired. It is this soft, damp, unhealthy air.'”

Nooooo Mrs. Hale that's not what she means 😭😭😭😭 I can understand why she jumped to such an extreme conclusion, though. Especially because Mrs. Hale is an anxious person and there's not much room for outside interpretation (unless Mr. Hale was getting a promotion, but he would've told her that, right? Haha, about that...).

"To soothe her mother’s anxiety she submitted to a basin of gruel. She was lying languidly in bed when Mrs. Hale came up to make some last inquiries and kiss her before going to her own room for the night."

Her mom giving her a kiss goodnight :((( I love that we're getting to see a tender side to Mrs. Hale and how she cares for Margaret for once!! It's just sad we won't see this dynamic for long...

"That morning when she had looked out, her heart had danced at seeing the bright clear lights on the church tower, which foretold a fine and sunny day. This evening—sixteen hours at most had past by—she sat down, too full of sorrow to cry, but with a cold dull pain, which seemed to have pressed the youth and buoyancy out of her heart, never to return. Mr. Henry Lennox’s visit—his offer—was like a dream, a thing beside her actual life."

How much of a lifetime has passed between this morning and evening! And wow, you know it's bad when Lennox's offer seems like a dream -- a good one? -- at this point when she was feeling horribly sad and guilty about that just a few hours ago! It makes sense, though. I can understand why even something she associated with uncomfortable thoughts could seem like such a dream now -- because, beyond her own feelings, it didn't affect her livelihood. She was still able to be herself, albeit a little shaken. Now, though? Her entire worldview has been shaken. She feels like the very youth has been sucked out of her.

"She looked out upon the dark-grey lines of the church towers, square and straight in the centre of the view, cutting against the deep blue transparent depths beyond, into which she gazed, and felt that she might gaze for ever, seeing at every moment some farther distance, and yet no sign of God! It seemed to her at the moment, as if the earth was more utterly desolate than if girt in by an iron dome, behind which there might be the ineffaceable peace and glory of the Almighty: those never-ending depths of space, in their still serenity, were more mocking to her than any material bounds could be—shutting in the cries of earth’s sufferers, which now might ascend into that infinite splendour of vastness and be lost—lost for ever, before they reached His throne."

And now, like her father, she too is having doubts of faith. While we haven't seen her religious side, I believe this shows how much her father's doubts have caused her own. After all, I imagine much of Margaret's foundational knowledge of faith would've come from her father: if he "falters", what is she to do? I think this is also her version of coming to terms with her own grief. Looking out her window and seeing the same view is almost mocking to her now. I think it's much the same feeling as when you go through the loss of a loved one and are surprised/annoyed to find the world is spinning just fine and others around you are enjoying their day, as if they don't care about your own woes. As if your world wasn't shattered.

Her father, somehow sensing her mood, joins her and offers to say the Lord's Prayer. She does and thinks:

"God was there, close around them, hearing her father’s whispered words. Her father might be a heretic; but had not she, in her despairing doubts not five minutes before, shown herself a far more utter sceptic? She spoke not a word, but stole to bed after her father had left her, like a child ashamed of its fault. If the world was full of perplexing problems she would trust, and only ask to see the one step needful for the hour."

Again, we see Margaret using self-reflection to put her father's perspective in a light she can understand and, in turn, empathize with. While her wordage was harsh (unless he would be actually considered a heretic, which I couldn't find evidence for -- if he's in good standing with the church, I don't believe it's heresy, though I could be wrong). While I wish her father had given her more words of comfort and empathy, I guess it's good she's able to take a little comfort in this -- though she seems more guilty and ashamed than anything.

"Mr. Lennox—his visit, his proposal—the remembrance of which had been so rudely pushed aside by the subsequent events of the day—haunted her dreams that night. He was climbing up some tree of fabulous height to reach the branch whereon was slung her bonnet: he was falling and she was struggling to save him, but held back by some invisible powerful hand. He was dead. And yet, with a shifting of the scene, she was once more in the Harley Street drawing-room, talking to him as of old, and still with a consciousness all the time that she had seen him killed by that terrible fall."

Oh no!!! A product of her anxious mind, this dream indicates to me that she feels that things are unresolved with Henry (which they obviously are, they did not depart on great terms). I got a lot of symbolism from this one! Henry being in a tall tree trying to reach her bonnet represents his feelings and the lengths he will go to in order to show her how much he cares. Perhaps this is something he did for her before, but now she remembers it in a new light -- and in this dream, it's more exaggerated -- because she knows there was a motive she didn't know of behind the action. But then, something new happens: he falls. This could represent the proposal itself or -- more likely -- just her anxiety of something happening to him before they can resolve their conflict. She wants to help, but an invisible force keeps her back: her own doubts/inability to accept the proposal, or just the usual paralysis in a dream. And then...he's dead. She couldn't save him. I can see this representing the death of the "old" Henry -- the one she was friends with, without the pressure or stress of knowing his feelings. Or, again, it could simply represent her inner worry something will happen to him before they can go back to their friendship.

Suddenly, she's with him again in Harley Street (a familiar setting, before she knew the anxieties of her family) and they're chatting like old times again. However, in the back of her mind, she's still thinking about his death that she just witnessed. If we take my proposal interpretation of the dream, I think this could symbolize her thinking ahead to the future, where she'll have to talk with Henry again (if she's able to visit London/Harley Street), but always thinking of the fact she refused his proposal while being unable to acknowledge it. This is made more likely by Henry doing just that (acting as if he didn't propose to her and all was normal) that same day, right after she rejected him!

Needless to say, she is not refreshed the next morning and she is not encouraged at breakfast. Mr. Hale announces his plans for the day. She knows what this means:

"By seven the announcement must be made to her mother. Mr. Hale would have delayed making it, but Margaret was of different stuff. She could not bear the impending weight on her mind all day long: better get the worst over; the day would be too short to comfort her mother."

I love to see this contrast between her and her father!!! I also love Gaskell for creating a character who doesn't delay bad news in a sea of procrastinator characters (I say, making this post almost a week late. No hate to procrastinators, but I still stand by this!). :D

"Her eye caught on a bee entering a deep-belled flower: when that bee flew forth with his spoil she would begin—that should be the sign. Out he came."

I love that she does this to make herself tell her mother. It gives us a taste of how hard this is for her -- and is also relatable. I've done something similar before to start a difficult conversation.

Sh breaks the news in the most blunt way possible. Mrs. Hale denies it at first, asking where she's gotten this impression:

“'Papa himself,' said Margaret, longing to say something gentle and consoling, but literally not knowing how."

Oh, Margaret 😭😭😭😭 I can't help but see this in a neurodivergent lens. She wants to be the comforting presence her mother needs, but in this, she can't: she's too blunt. NDs often come across as "blunt" and have difficulty expressing their emotions in a way that is expected of them. This especially comes into play when trying to comfort someone...it can often come across as "unsympathetic" or "rude" when it's usually a matter of being unable to express the emotion or not feeling it in the moment, not an intentional act of malice (as some may think). I appreciate that Gaskell notes this as Margaret not knowing how to express comfort to her mother rather than just noting she was blunt in her expression!

“'I don’t think it can be true,' said Mrs. Hale, at length. 'He would surely have told me before it came to this.' It came strongly upon Margaret’s mind that her mother ought to have been told: that whatever her faults of discontent and repining might have been, it was an error in her father to have left her to learn his change of opinion, and his approaching change of life, from her better-informed child. Margaret sat down by her mother, and took her unresisting head on her breast, bending her own soft cheeks down caressingly to touch her face."

Ouch. Yes, he should have told you about it, Mrs. Hale, and the fact that she thinks that tells me she wanted her husband to come to her about these concerns. She believed in the foundation of their marriage. I imagine that foundation is a little shaken now.

Margaret is thinking exactly what I've been saying!!! Couldn't have said it better myself (though I suppose I tried lol). I also love that since Margaret can't offer verbal comfort to her mother -- at first -- she offers her comfort through physical touch.

Throughout the rest of this difficult conversation, I notice that Margaret does whatever she can to both ease her mother’s worries and attempt to put her father in the best light: neither task is easy, but I think she is able to guide the conversation in the way she wants fairly successfully. However, her mother is steadfast that Milton will be worse for them than Helstone ever was — not a promising start. Margaret is glad her mother is focusing on anxieties of the future rather than her father’s coverup. Especially ones Margaret can help on.

To me, this whole conversation shows that Margaret is very in-tune with her mother. She knows how to navigate the pitfalls of her worries and what to say to mitigate them into other worries. We know that her mother always needs something to worry about, so Margaret is good at steering her towards thoughts of what their future will look like. While this doesn’t quite cover up what her father did, it’s better — for now — for Mrs. Hale to be more worried about furniture removal plans (which Margaret can step in on) rather than fixating on why her husband wouldn’t have told her about his doubts sooner (which she said she would’ve “nipped in the bud” — both Margaret and I don’t find this encouraging, and I doubt Margaret can give much clarity as to why Mr. Hale covered this up without added distress). The fact that Margaret feels so much relief afterwards tells me that her mother can be unpredictable, so she wasn’t quite sure if she would be able to soothe her anxieties in the way she had hoped for.

“Throughout the day Margaret never left her mother; bending her whole soul to sympathise in all the various turns her feelings took; towards evening especially, as she became more and more anxious that her father should find a soothing welcome home awaiting him, after his return from his day of fatigue and distress. She dwelt upon what he must have borne in secret for long; her mother only replied coldly that he ought to have told her, and that then at any rate he would have had an adviser to give him counsel; and Margaret turned faint at heart when she heard her father’s step in the hall. She dared not go to meet him, and tell him what she had done all day, for fear of her mother’s jealous annoyance.”

Yikes! This sounds like a very emotionally draining day for Margaret and a very stressful wait for her father. Again, her being the mediator between these two is not a healthy dynamic and I feel for her being caught in the middle.

“Presently he opened the room-door, and stood there uncertain whether to come in. His face was gray and pale; he had a timid fearful look in his eyes; something almost pitiful to see in a man’s face; but that look of despondent uncertainty, of mental and bodily languor, touched his wife’s heart. She went to him, and threw herself on his breast, crying out:—

“‘Oh! Richard, Richard, you should have told me sooner!’

“And then, in tears, Margaret left her, as she rushed up stairs to throw herself on her bed, and hide her face in the pillows to stifle the hysteric sobs that would force their way out at last, after the rigid self-control of the whole day.”

A happy (or, at least, an emotional) resolution for the married couple, after all! It is actually good to see Mrs. Hale moved by her husband’s expression. We’ve heard she married for love, but now we get to see it.

However, it’s not so easy for Margaret. She’s had to keep in her emotions all day and be a caregiver. She knows now that she needs to leave her parents to their own devices (finally, they’re communicating!!!) and in turn, she can be alone to let her emotions out. I can only imagine what it’s like to have held in tears for that long, and it’s no wonder Gaskell uses the word “hysteric” to describe the sobs she releases after all that time kept in. I don’t know how many times I’m going to keep saying it this chapter, but poor Margaret!!! Playing the role of caregiver is hard, especially when you’re not accustomed to it and you’re not supposed to be in that role in the first place. :(

A housemaid alerts Dixon to Margaret’s crying, which….I have mixed feelings about. The maid is worried about her catching an illness, which I’m fairly sure was an actual concern at the time, but like — let her cry??? She’s had a bad day :/

So Dixon comes in and Margaret has to act as if she’s been asleep rather than crying…

“‘I’m sure I don’t know what is to become of us all. When Charlotte told me just now you were sobbing, Miss Hale, I thought, no wonder, poor thing! And master thinking of turning Dissenter at his time of life, when, if it is not to be said he’s done well in the Church, he’s not done badly after all. I had a cousin, miss, who turned Methodist preacher after he was fifty years of age, and a tailor all his life; but then he had never been able to make a pair of trousers to fit, for as long as he had been in the trade, so it was no wonder; but for master! as I said to missus, ‘What would poor Sir John have said? he never liked your marrying Mr. Hale, but if he could have known it would have come to this, he would have sworn worse oaths than ever, if that was possible!’’”

Ooooh, ok, that’s not good. Dixon, learn to know your audience! She even said such things to Mrs. Hale?? Is this the best time to pull “I told you so”s about the marriage?? I also noticed that Mrs. Hale sometimes just…straight up tunes Dixon out if she’s not in the humor to listen to her rants about Mr. Hale:

“Dixon had been so much accustomed to comment upon Mr. Hale’s proceedings to her mistress (who listened to her, or not, as she was in the humour)”

This tells me that she doesn’t always listen to Dixon either — which is good! She shouldn’t! Unless a partner is straight up doing terrible things or is horrible to you, listening to people like Dixon can poison a marriage -- even though she comes from a place of love and compassion for Mrs. Hale. That’s the funny thing — I may not agree with these characters' methods, but as to their motivations — I think they all have had good intentions so far. That's what makes this book so compelling However, in this instance, there’s a time and place to voice your concerns and Dixon is not picking the right time and place.

“‘Dixon,’ she said, in the low tone she always used when much excited, which had a sound in it as of some distant turmoil, or threatening storm breaking far away. ‘Dixon! you forget to whom you are speaking.’ She stood upright and firm on her feet now, confronting the waiting-maid, and fixing her with her steady discerning eye. ‘I am Mr. Hale’s daughter. Go! You have made a strange mistake, and one that I am sure your own good feeling will make you sorry for when you think about it.’”

And here we see Margaret pushed to her limit and…it’s really cool to see! She may not do this for herself, but for her family? Yep, that’s her at her haughtiest and most authoritative. I honestly can’t even blame her! If someone was talking crap about my dad, even if it had some truth to it, I would also do a set down like this, though I hate conflict. Thinking about it, I wonder if she would do the same to all of us if she knew we were also saying things about her dad’s actions that were perhaps not putting him in the best light….hm.

My honest reaction if Margaret set me down:

For real, though, there is something to be said about the dynamic between Margaret and Dixon. Dixon is a servant in Margaret’s home and this creates an obvious power imbalance, as there is a class gap between the two. On the other side of it, Dixon is paid a wage and is an employee of the Hale household. It’s a pretty clear unspoken rule that you don’t take smack about your boss, especially to said boss’s daughter while you’re on duty and if that person is close to them. It’s made pretty clear that Dixon knows not to do this kind of thing in front of Margaret because she knows how close the two of them are: she was just still in “I’m talking to Mrs. Hale” mode.

So, who’s in the “right” here? I want to lean towards Margaret — as she’s the protagonist, she’s had a hard day, and I can’t blame her for defending her family — but her initial thought when Dixon spoke out is she couldn't believe the audacity of a “servant” speaking to her like that. I think if she were to set someone down a similar if there were of a higher rank, that would be fine, but only a servant? That’s when the waters start to become murky: in my opinion, at least. I believe part of her arc will be treating the working class better, so I hope to see this improve! In the meantime, Dixon also needs to improve her attitude towards Mr. Hale, because it is also something that is not helping anyone in the household, especially not in this situation. Plus, there’s also the fact that some of this anger against Mr. Hale isn’t just out of love for Mrs. Hale: it’s also just a grudge against Mr. Hale for being less wealthy than she wanted him to be. So, that kind of motivation isn’t entirely selfless either.

“From henceforth Dixon obeyed and admired Margaret. She said it was because she was so like poor Master Frederick; but the truth was, that Dixon, as do many others, liked to feel herself ruled by a powerful and decided nature.”

Does she like to be ruled, or has that just been her conditioning as a servant? It is interesting that standing up to Dixon caused her to admire Margaret rather than resent her, only because she did it so absolutely and with such authority. I do know there are some people who respect you more if you stand up to them and it might just be a case of that — so I guess it’s that!

“A fortnight was a very short time to make arrangements for so serious a removal; as Dixon said, ‘Anyone but a gentleman—indeed almost any other gentleman—‘ but catching a look at Margaret’s straight, stern brow just here, she coughed the remainder of the sentence away, and meekly took the horehound drop that Margaret offered her, to stop the ‘little tickling at my chest, miss.’ But almost any one but Mr. Hale would have had practical knowledge enough to see, that in so short a time it would be difficult to fix on any house in Milton-Northern, or indeed elsewhere, to which they could remove the furniture that had of necessity been taken out of Helstone Vicarage.”

It is a little funny to see the visual of Dixon trying to disparage Mr. Hale’s life choices, Margaret hitting her with a glare, and Dixon trying to “cough” it off. However, Dixon — while saying it the wrong way — is right. The narrative even confirms she’s right. Mr. Hale giving them a fortnight to move to a whole new town is an almost impossible task! If he had told everyone sooner….

Again the issue is raised: should Dixon be allowed to complain about Mr. Hale? In private, sure. After all, as an employee/servant, Dixon has to bear some of the responsibility and consequences of Mr. Hale’s choice (which is mainly taking care of Mrs. Hale, who is sick with stress). It’s fair to be a bit grumbly about having to pack up an entire household in two weeks!

The problem is, Dixon has to be around someone she can’t complain to, something she is unused to. So, she keeps her silence, almost using it as a tool of “affront” towards Margaret — though I doubt Margaret takes notice or minds much. If she’s willing to give Margaret a “cold shoulder” treatment, this tells me that Dixon is not worried about losing her place in the household. While Margaret is coming into her own and an authority of the household, I don’t think Dixon feels threatened to be fired by Margaret.

And on Margaret’s side, silencing uncomfortable truths you don’t want to hear (while, yes, said in a slanderous way), is not the most healthy thing for her here. She needs to acknowledge that her dad is making a choice that has consequences, and those who have to deal with those consequences should have the right to complain (at least, I think so). Just because someone is a servant doesn’t mean they don’t have valid complaints.

In her defense, though, that’s also her dad Dixon is insulting and she is insulting him here. Her reasoning for silencing the complaints could also be a) lowering the general dissent in the household (which is valid) b) avoiding further distress of her parents (who could be in the vicinity) c) wanting to relieve her own stress (listening to others complain is exhausting) and d) she knows complaining will solve nothing (and if she could stop her mother’s complaining, she probably would!).

If any of the above reasons were nailed down as to why she silences Dixon here, I would probably just go “girlboss!!! What a queen!!!”, but I still can’t get the whole “audacity of that servant!” thing out of my head and I think it needs to be acknowledged again. Still, I can’t blame her for wanting to set someone down for insulting her father. In other words, like everything in this book, it’s nuanced.

“So many arrangements depended on this precision that Margaret resolved to ask her father one evening, in spite of his evident fatigue and low spirits. He answered:

“‘My dear! I have really had too much to think about to settle this. What does your mother say? What does she wish? Poor Maria!’”

?????????????????? Mr. Hale….you can’t…you can’t just pull a “I’m too busy” here. Like??? Take some responsibility for your actions, man!!!

And then he gets upset when he learns that Mrs. Hale is sick from stress! Like, yeah, that’s bad…but what else did he expect springing this on her at the last possible minute, only giving her two weeks to leave their home of twenty(?) years? And now, his daughter — who is trying to plan this ENTIRE move because he’s currently just saying goodbye to everyone and seeming to not do much to help — asks him for help, and all he can say is, “I can’t think about that right now”? I’d be SO pissed!!!!!

Mr. Hale right now:

See, I have trouble feeling sympathy for him when he does things like this. He hasn’t even found a house for them to live in yet!!!!! What kind of fathe—*gets tackled by Margaret*

I regret nothing.

Anyway…

“Now, since that day when Mr. Lennox came, and startled her into a decision, every day brought some question, momentous to her, and to those whom she loved, to be settled.”

As the old adage goes, “when it rains, it pours.” Doesn’t it always seem like one life-changing event triggers off a series of others? If Margaret was allowed to pass this weight on to her parents, this wouldn’t be such an issue, but the fact of the matter is that she’s forced to bear the brunt of this responsibility all on her own — and that’s tough!!! I wonder if she imagines Mr. Lennox’s offer changing their circumstances any: it wouldn’t have, likely. As many of you have pointed out, he himself is struggling and was honestly relying on her to be the rich one in the relationship — so I highly doubt it. Honestly, this might have made this whole thing harder if she had accepted his offer, because then she would’ve had to explain them moving and the reason behind it…I don’t know if that would’ve gone well. Still, inwardly she may have wondered if she has doomed her family by refusing to marry him, though I hope not!

"'I have hit upon such a beautiful plan. Look here—in Darkshire, hardly the breadth of my finger from Milton, is Heston, which I have often heard of from people living in the north as such a pleasant little bathing-place. Now, don’t you think we could get mamma there with Dixon, while you and I go and look at houses, and get one all ready for her in Milton? She would get a breath of sea air to set her up for the winter, and be spared all the fatigue, and Dixon would enjoy taking care of her.'”

Another great idea from the problem-solving queen!!!! This is probably the only way this move can work, if we're honest. Heston has good air and allows for Mrs. Hale's comfort. Plus, it gives them the time they need to find a home. It's genuinely a good plan!

“'Is Dixon to go with us?' asked Mr. Hale, in a kind of helpless dismay. “'Oh, yes!” said Margaret. 'Dixon quite intends it, and I don’t know what mamma would do without her.' “'But we shall have to put up with a very different way of living, I am afraid. Everything is so much dearer in a town. I doubt if Dixon can make herself comfortable. To tell you the truth, Margaret, I sometimes feel as if that woman gave herself airs.' “'To be sure she does, papa,' replied Margaret; 'and if she has to put up with a different style of living, we shall have to put up with her airs, which will be worse. But she really loves us all, and would be miserable to leave us, I am sure—especially in this change; so, for mamma’s sake, and for the sake of her faithfulness, I do think she must go.' “'Very well, my dear. Go on. I am resigned.'"

LOLLLLLL, ok, I have to admit Mr. Hale pulling a whiny "do we haaaaaveee to" about bringing Dixon is pretty funny. I can't totally blame him -- would you want the servant that constantly bad mouths you to go on this trip AND be left alone with your wife to bad mouth you some more?

However, let's get serious here. Um, yes!!! Of course they're bringing Dixon and here's why (other than just what Margaret says):

Mrs. Hale doesn't need any more change in her life -- look at how stressed she already is. How much more stressed do you think she will be if Dixon -- her maid of so many years -- is forced to stay behind?

Someone needs to take care of Mrs. Hale. Dixon is the obvious choice. While Dixon disses Mr. Hale like there's no tomorrow, she is so loyal to Mrs. Hale it's not even funny! And, this is important to note, Margaret could stay behind with her mother -- in theory -- but considering the fact that Mr. Hale won't even decide something as simple as where to move furniture, I doubt he would be able to decide on a home. Margaret no longer trusts him to make big decisions in their lives -- she's determined now to be a part of the process. That's not a great look for Mr. Hale.

Experience. Who knows if the other maids know how to handle a move? We know Dixon does, because she did so once before: when Mrs. Hale was married. It might not be a super big difference, but it's good to have someone who can adjust to this kind of change fast.

Considering Mr. Hale hasn't been around to make decisions, should he even get a say on wether Dixon comes along or not? Technically, he does, as head of the household, but in my heart...NOPE. He lost his chance on decisions a while ago. Either step up, or step out of the way.

I also love that Margaret stands up for Dixon and confirms she loves the family! They may be at odds, but she is still a part of them.

Mr. Hale asks how far Heston is from Milton and she replies it's thirty miles -- not far! Mr. Hale starts to reply that it's not far in miles, but fair in....something (he cuts himself off). This indicates to me that he's going to miss his wife!! Which is super sweet! I won't even pull a "consequences of action" thing...this time. Count yourself lucky, Mr. Hale.

"And now Mrs. Hale could rouse herself from her languor, and forget her real suffering in thinking of the pleasure and the delight of going to the sea-side. Her only regret was that Mr. Hale could not be with her all the fortnight she was to be there, as he had been for a whole fortnight once, when they were engaged, and she was staying with Sir John and Lady Beresford at Torquay."

Awww, Mrs. Hale feels the same way!!! Also very sweet. It's sad they have to be separated, but that's the way it has to be for a while. I also think it's sweet that this makes her think of their engagement days: maybe that will help in the days to come.

That's all for this chapter: excited to see what happens tomorrow!

#sorry this took forever #north and south #north and south weekly #margaret hale #novas notes #long post

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pbandjesse · 3 months ago

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Today was a really long day!! I am wildly exhausted. But I am feeling a lot better. Today was basically the best I have felt. Even with all the walking and exercising. It was a good day.

I didn't sleep amazing. I had crazy vivid and active dreams again. And woke up with chest pains that took a bit to go away.

Waking up was hard. James was sitting at the desk when I woke up and I asked for 5 more minutes. And they were impressed when I sat up moments before the alarm actually went off. I have a very good internal clock.

James sent me off to work with a kiss and hoping for a good day. And it would be a good day.

I got to camp at 8. And was very much looking forward to a fruit bagel. I said good morning to Sarah and she let me know there was a little confusion about where we were supposed to meet today. But I just let her know I was going to go get my rain gear (jacket and boots) and would walk back soon.

And that's exactly what I did. I got confirmation that we were going to the hacienda. And would gather a few others to walk with me. And it wasn't raining yet but it was humid. It would drizzle on and off all day. Thankfully never got to hot, just warm and humid but mostly just comfortable (thought damp).

I helped set up the breakfast they got us. There was some confusion about gluten free options but I got my fruit bagel and would also get an egg bagel. So I had one and a half bagels. I am so glad I'm able to eat again. But I ate bizarrely and to much today honestly. Which would make me not feel great later one. But I was just so excited.

I stood outside with Elizabeth and Sarah and commiserated about being annoyed about people not understanding simple instructions and how it's going to be so much more calm when it's just us again. And while I don't be there every single day, I will be there at least a few days a week for a bit. No real schedule yet but I am looking forward to some work days and more time to do other things. Specifically taking care of myself. I feel a little burnt out. Which is probably why I have fallen apart so hard the last few weeks. But I'm healing and things will be okay.

We would have a meeting with Alexi about the day. And I would send texts out to my specialty people about what I needed them to do today. I would grt pretty and ours with Kieran later when he tried to say specialty stuff didn't matter and he tried to say my staff was his because of some counselor needs this week and I had the office backing me up but man.

I went to art to do some cleaning and got rid of some lost and found and would eventually walk those to the nurses office.

I would continue the walk over to check on the specialty areas. Chatted with Geoff about what I needed form him since I knew he would be the most component person to lean on. And that worked out really well and I was very happy with what he would accomplish (with help from others) by the end of the long day. And it was a long day.

I went to the council ring to clean up trash before UBLaw came for their retreat. The AV guy would come over soon too and I would give him a tarp and chatted with him for a bit. And soon the almost lawyers were there!

And it was a fun day. We would be behind the scenes while they did their intro part. The boys were playing a silly punching game. We were all to got from the humidity. I was trying to stay positive but was pretty uncomfortable. I would have to take off my raincoat even when it was drizzling. But it was fine. Water finally doesn't taste horrible so I was able to be pretty hydrated today and that was a saving grace for sure.

Me, Sarah, and Nick were together with two groups for flying squirrel first. I helped with harnesses. And I was nervous about remembering how to do it but I got it quick. And it was a lot of fun. Lots of laughing and encouraging and we ran about 7 minutes over but that was alright. The other groups just waited and cheered too.

I took my half of the group over to the tipis kitchen area so we could sit on the benches. With both groups I had today I would have them talk about what team building and teamwork is. How each thing we did (even flying squirrel) uses the same concepts. Communication, trust, leadership, leaning on those who have experience, having a common goal, ECT. It was a good little conversation.

We would do extreme rock paper scissors first. And I would give stickers to the winner. And after debriefing that we spent the next 15 minutes doing a nature scavenger hunt. I would have them take pictures and it was fun. I think there was probably a better way to judge at the end. But I would talk about spending time searching. Talking through it with your partner. Going out of your comfort zone. It was a good time. Some of them are tough. Edible stuff. Fuzzy stuff. Birds. But it was a really fun time.

At the end we would debrief again and I would tell them thank you for hanging out with me and that I hoped they got something out of it. I got lots of thank yous. And it was nice.

The other groups were doing more physical things. I hope they didn't feel cheated because I didn't do those games. But we all did different things so I think there was a good mix of stuff that they can talk about later.

At lunch I was a little annoyed because Elizabeth had told us they were providing lunch but then didn't order it until like 1145. And so it wouldnt be to camp until after we were back with our groups. So the ten of us wouldn't get pizza and I was sad. Thankfully Callie had my back and would put two pieces on my desk in some tinfoil. But I wouldn't have that until after the group was done.

So in the mean time I went to the hacienda because there was leftover Chick-fil-A from yesterday. There was Mac and cheese and Capri suns that I could have. And honestly it was a really nice little lunch.

I would enjoy the AC and watch some videos. Eventually Elizabeth, Josephine, and Ann would come over to forage for food too. And I would walk with them to go get our afternoon groups.

There was some switching and so Sarah would go help at tower and me and Nick would be alone at squirrel. And thankfully I was still helpful (only fingers were nimble enough to get the frayed ends of the harnesses to double back) even though I couldn't help him on belay because I didn't want to be jostled so much. He understood and we were able to get everyone, who wanted to go, through.

The last team building was much of the same. And it was fun finding mushrooms and telling them about nature stuff. And when we were done I had a nice conversation with a few of them while I walked them to the picnic grove. Where they would get snowballs! I was very jealous. I wanted a snowball.

But I would just change my shoes back to my flip-flops and got into putting things away. A few others would join me to help out and I really appreciated the help.

Elizabeth would call me down to the office. Because I was getting a snowball! I got a sour blue raspberry one and sat on the porch with everyone to eat it and it was great. The sour seemed to make me feel a lot better. And Callie had saved with the pizza and I was feeling great.

I was starting to get tired though. There is going to be a lot of stuff I will have to do to sort in the art building but I felt like I was at my max for the day. So after the girls had finished the tasks I gave them I sent them to the next thing (helping to clean the lodge), I would put a few more things away. And sent a list to Elizabeth about what was done. And then I was ready to go.

I would still go to the office to say the same stuff I had texted. And chatted for a few minutes. I'll be back on Tuesday to lead nature hikes. And I'm looking forward to it.

I was also just really looking forward to going home. James would be here already when I got back.

I would go upstairs and we chatted for a little before they went to take a shower. I would eventually take a shower too. I started not feeling amazing though. I would lay on the couch and was sad for a long time. James made me a hoagie but the bread was to soft and I didn't like it. So they would eventually make me a grilled cheese instead. I also had water melon and lemon water. I would take my medication. It seems to take about two hours to work and I've been taking it around 5 every day. It seems like I start falling apart around 4. So from like 4 to 7 I am not doing amazing but hopefully it'll settle out.

I painted my toes. James hung a shelf I got. We have been hanging out and being together and it's been really nice. But man am I tried.

Tomorrow we just have a chill day off together. And I'm excited for that. I hope it's restful. I hope you all have a great day. Sleep well and be safe. I love you all

Goodnight

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lifeinthegladhouse · 3 months ago

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I feel like I'm not supposed to be sad that my dad is dead, because he was 73 which is a pretty average lifespan, and he had a whole life full of mistakes and life and all sorts of shit. But it's like, also, that doesn't matter to me because I wanted him to live longer, even though, I always felt like he'd be exactly 73 or 74 when he died, cos a lot of men do die at that age.

I don't wanna overthink it b/c OCD

I had a dream he wrote messages for me on a whiteboard and said he knew he was autistic now and that he was glad he could know before he died - and the way he wrote it was like maybe we'd talk about it at 11am the next day or something, like he didn't have long, but then he went the next day, so I stood in his house looking at the whiteboard.

I just googled how to mail his ashes back, and the photo of the box of his cremains with his name on a label hit a little differently.

I could hear my dad saying, "I know, sweetie." sadly with his hand on my shoulder...

I started T 2 years ago today. I knew at that time, his health was getting worse again, and it was only a matter of time, all of which I could not control. But I didn't know in less than those 2 years, he'd be gone. He told me I looked strong when I saw him, before he became nonverbal, like the last real day that we could talk, which felt like his last "real" day in the world, he asked me jokingly if I was going to join the marines because I have a big ole traditional/Japanese crossover style tattoo (of ravens on my arm) (they kinda look like hawks or eagles or something tho lol) and I didn't understand that he was joking and being serious at the same time kind of.

That same night, when I was out of the room getting him water, my partner talked to him, and it was the first time I think that he truly accepted that we'd probably get married (I mean it's been SIX years together!) and I forget what he said but I think he had kind of verbally said something to her like... he knew.

He could be so mean, and such an asshole, but I still wish he wasn't dead. My life is better off without this horrible thing looming over me, the "what if I die" or the constant struggles of him not being able to pay the bills or running from debt or getting into insane situations with women but... it still feels lonely. When I'm in a bind I think about him. He was not very helpful if I needed advice, and not always comforting, and it's hard to comfort someone with OCD but... I find it comforting now.

I think about how the very moments he passed, I knew, if I tell him his parents and his son are waiting for him, he will go. And he did. My voice was the last thing he heard, which is what he wanted, and we were lucky we caught him in that moment, and I knew that...somehow... that was what I needed to say. And now that he's gone, I know, someday, I will be thinking of him and Gene, and everyone else I will lose, when I'm dying, too. I just wish I didn't have to understand all of this so soon, at this age, it feels like a crime, but then again, it happens to a lot of people and in a fucked up way, a healthy life where you have a big family and nobody dies too early is a big ole western myth.

My dad lost his dad sooner than I lost him, by a few years, and he didn't get to say goodbye I don't think. I don't know. I never quite asked in that way. But I think that's how it went, and dad didn't want that for me.

#griefposting #dadposting

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super-unpredictable98 · 2 years ago

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Can you write a fic where the reader is sick and luba takes care of them?

The Very First Christmas

Fandom: Mute

Pairing: Luba x Reader (Foreign Dreams’ verse)

Word Count: 1,1 k

Warning: Strong language, mild sexual content, periods and stuff

a/n: Sorry it took me a while, anon. I hope you like it <3 also just in case the other anons are seeing it, I'm working on your requests too. Happy new year to everyone!

(Masterlist)

"Kling, Glöckchen, klingelingeling

kling, Glöckchen, kling!

Mädchen, hört, und Bübchen

Macht mir auf das Stübchen

Bring euch viele Gaben, sollt euch dran erlaben!"

You heard Luba singing gently as he prepared a simple lunch in the kitchen. It smelled delicious, but you immediately felt something was wrong. Your head was throbbing and your cramps were killing you.

Most of the time your period was an inconvenience, you fought cramps and other symptoms with meds, but it was probably the coldest day of the year, which also didn't help and only intensified that horrible feeling.

"Good morning, Mausi," he called when he heard you groan, standing by the doorway. "It's Krampusnacht, there's a parade nearby, we should go! I used to love them as kids and since you never celebrated Christmas, I thought you'd- what's wrong?"

Your face probably gave you away, that months the pain was so horrible that you almost felt sick to your stomach. You couldn't stand straight, you could barely even move.

"Cramps... This month is kicking my ass."

"Aw, Mausi!" Luba rushed to your side and took you in his arms. "I know a very good solution for cramps," he smirked, his hand creeping up your thigh.

"Not now, sweetie, I don't think I can do it."

He frowned, the situation was probably serious for you to refuse sex, a very rare sight. Back in the day when Naadirah got cramps he usually bought her medicine and a heating pad, all of her favorite sweets, and took the day off to watch movies with her.

Suddenly that memory came to him and twisted his stomach. As much as he loved you, remembering her still hurt, he never even got the chance to say goodbye.

"What's wrong?" You asked.

"I don't know what to do. I'm afraid you might get angry if I tell you."

"I won't get angry," you fell back into the pillows. "Go ahead."

"There's a ritual I can do to take care of you, but- I used to..."

"You used to do it with her?"

Luba nodded, embarrassed by the thought. You were his girlfriend and he wanted to be completely devoted to you. The thought of you thinking about another man made him seethe, so why should you be okay with him thinking of another woman?

"I'm so sorry, Mausi."

"Lu, I don't care about what happened before. You're mine now, right?"

"All yours," he nodded, pushing his blonde curls away from his face, the long sleeves of his blue jumper nearly swallowing his hands.

"Then I don't mind, I just want my boyfriend to take care of me when I don't feel well. If anything, I'm glad you've had some practice," you moaned, squirming as another wave of pain took over your stomach.

"I don't wanna leave the house and leave you alone," Luba pulled you closer. "But I don't have the right medicine or the heating pads."

"Do you have Tylenol? It works too," you groaned and he nodded. "And a hot water bottle or maybe a towel you can soak in hot water?"

"I can do that! Let me check what we have in the pantry," Luba looked down at his smart bracelet and pulled the list of items you had bought on your last trip to the grocery store. "We have knoppers, schoko-bons, milka bars, goldbären..."

"Sounds pretty good to me."

He perked up, happy to be useful. He placed a gentle kiss on your lower stomach before moving up to your lips and sighed.

After asking you to pick your favorite movie, he ran to the kitchen to prepare your care kit. You ended up choosing some old movie you found laying around and got back under the blankets.

"Hey there, pretty lady," your boyfriend came in carrying a tray just like he did almost every night at the club. "I'm Luba and I'll be your waiter tonight. And yes, I do accept my tip in kisses."

"Silly..." you shook your head, a tired smile on your face. "I have lots of kisses for you."

"Perfect! I have some snacks, some tea for you to take your meds, and a hot towel for your tummy," he said as he put down each of the items on the bed. "Come here, let me help you, Mausi."

You swallowed the pill with the warm chamomile tea while Luba lifted your oversized shirt to put the hot towel in place. It already started to feel better, not exactly because of the stuff he brought, but because he was there with you, he cared.

"I also made some lasagna, it's in the oven," he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. "Do you need me to order pads or tampons or anything?"

"No, I still have some," you sighed, leaning into his embrace and pressing play on the movie. "You're really good at taking care of people."

"Yeah, being a prostitute does that to a person," he joked, pulling you closer to massage your belly. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," you turned to catch his lips. "I'm sorry about Krampusnacht, I really wish I could go. We can still catch the parade if I can walk by then."

"Don't worry about it, we have the rest of our lives to celebrate Krampusnacht. Believe me, you'll wanna be able to run, here they like to chase people around," Luba laughed. "We can go next year, it's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course," he assured. "Besides, soon it will be Christmas, your very first one, right? It's still Weihnachtszeit, we can make cookies, go to the market and drink glühwein, decorate the tree... My mum taught me how to make gänsabraten when I was a boy."

"What's that?"

"It's goose, you know, for Christmas night."

"Ew! No! Can't we just make a turkey?"

"How is a goose that different from a turkey? They're both birds," Luba chuckled. "People eat duck, quail, chicken, even pheasant. What's wrong with the goose?"

You had to agree he had a pretty solid argument and you didn't want to be rude, it was already near blasphemy that you avoided pork in Germany, you were not about to talk badly about your future mother-in-law's traditional recipe.

"Fine, I'll try the goose, but only if you feed it to me."

"That's my girl, my good girl," Luba purred, placing a shoko-bon between his lips and leaning closer so you could take it. You giggled, accepting the chocolate and stealing a kiss in the process. "And once you do feel better... I don't mind spreading my red wings for you."

Tag List: @seanfalco @elliethesuperfruitlover @messengeronthemoon @badsext @salvador-daley @firstpersonnarrator

#mute #mute netflix #luba mute #mute fanfic #luba x reader #fanfic #robert sheehan character fic #robert sheehan fanfic #robert sheehan x reader #foreign dreams

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flythesail · 1 year ago

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hi sunshine i’m back and i am all caught up with nancy drew! just finished 4x07. s3 definitely not as good as s2, but had some great storylines and episodes. the development of the characters and their relationships makes this show stand out to me in such a good way — it has everything you want in great television and is created with such care and love. favorite moments:

3x01 nancy decides to stay

3x04 the bess bus

3x07 saving george! and ryan and ace talking about nancy

3x11 nick’s speech to the jury (side note tunji is AMAZING i love him)

3x13 not a moment but the absolute breakdown i had during this episode and the hallucination was so extreme my reaction note is bananas lol

s4 has been so amazing so far!! 1, 3 and 7 are my favorites — the nace angst is killing me but i’m hoping it will let up soon? please? (can nancy be happy for a whole episode this is a serious question) the montages and callbacks and jokes and chunky velez are so fun and i’m so sad i’m only just arriving as the end nears. VERY intrigued to learn more about town history and see where the historical society/bess story goes (the allegory for queer repression is so well done).

anyways so glad i found you during my lockwood & co hyperfixation and now i have nancy drew!! it really is THE show of all time and i will never let it go ❤️ now to figure out how to watch live because i don’t have cable!!

Hello hello!!!

Agreed with s3!! I think a lot of it comes down to the overall plot and the way they lost 5 episodes. But with the latter, I think they're doing much better with pacing in s4.

3x01: that scene at the end ALWAYS GETS ME. You're our homegrown sleuth. 🥹

3x04: the whole dreams sequence is so so good. LOVE the directing in this one too.

3x07: this is just an episode you can watch and be like YES, this is Nancy Drew. The silliness of the dads as teens and the soul splitting stuff all in one. And it WORKS. That scene with Ryan and Ace at the end is really interesting to look at now too since we know how long Ace has had feelings. He really did know Nancy makes you want to be a better person. 🥺

3x11: I used to rewatch this episode SO much lol. It's a fantastic episode for Tunji. And really, when isn't he fantastic.

3x13: omg.. watching that live was an EXPERIENCE. Idk how else to describe it. It's horrible then it's amazing then it's horrible again and then YOU FIND OUT IT WASN'T EVEN REAL!?!?! INSANE.

1, 3, and 7 of s4 are all SO good!!! I'd probably pick 1 or 7 as my favorite. 7 especially just had instant comfort episode vibes.

I'm really hoping the nace angst lessens soon. And I think it will as they're still making progress every episode.

All the callbacks mean the WORLD to me. I know they didn't know it was the final season from the start, but the care put into all the little things makes it so special. This show also just *gets* itself (kudos to everyone who works on it for that) and s4 has had some great comedy.

Same with the town history!! I'm so curious to see where that all leads. That goes for Bess's storyline too. The way the show pairs the supernatural with 'real world' issues is definitely a standout thing.

I'm glad you found me too!!! Found family ghost shows for the win. As sad as I am about about s4 being the last, I'm so grateful we GET this season. It would make me so happy if Lockwood & Co. is saved someday, so we'll see...

🤞 you find a way to watch!

#nancy drew #flytheask

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someinstant · 2 years ago

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15 questions

15 mutuals

Tagged by @bright-elen, and I've got a few minutes, so I'll give it a go!

1. Are you named after anyone?

No. I'm actually named in avoidance of someone-- the name my mother initially wanted to name me was a no-go, because it was the name of my dad's siblings who was stillborn when he was only two. He and all his younger siblings didn't even really know about her death until they were adults-- Dad vaguely remembers the pregnancy, but nothing else. My grandmother just-- Did Not Talk about it, and my grandfather gently asked if my parents would consider choosing a different girl's name as one option. So they did, and I'm glad-- I like my given name. It's unusual for my generation, and the name I avoided is just Not Me.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Oh, last week I teared up when a colleague sent me a dumbass email about how he needed my help figuring out how to do something tech related that I have LITERALLY showed him how to do at least once a week for the past two years. And I was just so tired and stressed it just about broke me. Before that, I cried at a friend's funeral two weeks ago. But those were good tears. Sad, but purifying. It had been a long, horrible illness, and it was good to know she wasn't in pain anymore.

3. Do you have kids?

None that are mine by blood or law. But I teach about 180 a year, so-- yeah, I've got kids.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

More than I should. I'm working on it.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I am an enormous klutz, so team sports are a terrible idea. But I was super into long-distance cycling in high school and college. And I love hiking, but my ankles are such a disaster nowadays from Bad Decisions and various past injuries that I am very slow and measured in what I do now.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

Eyes and voice.

7. What’s your eye colour?

The green end of hazel.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I am a terrible wuss about scary movies, so happy endings.

9. Any special talents?

I have a stupid memory for useless things. Like, when I would get bored during college lectures, I would see how much of "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" I could write out from memory.

10. Where were you born?

Northwest of Atlanta by a bit.

11. What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, pen-and-ink drawing, traveling, pottery, and I really like those architectural models made out of teeny-tiny not-Legos.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have lots of houseplants and kidnap my parents' dog on the regular. I really want a dog of my own, but I'm out of the house every day around 6 AM, and I don't get back until 5 or 6 PM. Unless I get a dog walking service, that's just cruel.

13. How tall are you?

Taller than my sister, which is all that matters.

14. Favorite subject in school?

History, literature, and-- oddly-- chemistry.

15. Dream job?

I mean, I don't dream about working? But I like what I do; I just wish the pay was an appropriate compensation for the work, and the state I work in had a better respect for my professionalism.

15 mutuals: Please don't feel obligated, y'all: @frostbitepandaaaaa, @marwoodly, @coffee-and-uhg, @corazondebeskar, @toooldforthisbutstill, @intellectual-carrot, @angrytrigonometry, @lunapascal, @buckybarnesss, @jake-and-amy-are-married, @fbismostunwanted, @naivara, @velvetsunset, @nonableistcatlady, @lilting-aurora

#personal stuff #ask game

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lungsandlips · 10 months ago

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"Okay, to be fair, I haven't seen Chance in a very long time and when I did it was usually only because my dad and his mom are really close." From his memory, as unreliable as that was, Chance was unhinged and dangerous. If he had changed in any capacity he didn't know, though he supposed everyone had the capability. It sounded like he had at least done a few things right. "I'm really sorry you had to go through that. Like, genuinely. I know I'm low on the priority list when it comes to hunters but I never understood the absolute fear that brings them to do such horrible things. I'm glad you got out of it." He did have to raise a brow at the whole business card thing. Maybe he just didn't have enough familiarity with murder to understand. "Uhm. My name is Silas, if I didn't already tell you that - Oneiroi, but not an important one like Morpheus, I can't do anything special. Hell, I was a tattoo artist, nothing to do with dreams - fell in love with a keres when I was younger. Then both of us fell for a man who ended up leaving us. Things weren't the same after that. We kept trying, had a kid. Things went south again and I left to travel and get my head back on straight. Didn't work so I followed my heartbroken father's footsteps and went to sleep... for a really, really long time. Now I'm awake, I can't remember a lot of things and I have to tell the daughter I practically abandoned that I somehow had a son, who hates me, while I was asleep. If you could keep that last part to yourself, I would appreciate it."

"That was doing it slow," she countered, shrugging a little. Normally that was her conversation opener but she had, at the very least, given him a chance to have a semi-normal conversation with her first. "You have no idea. Salem and I were destined for target practice and Sable, she's a bit older than us, was going to be trained for tracking. She found out what they were going to do to us, mind you, Salem and I were like...toddlers, and she attacked our handler so he beat her almost to death. Then Jeff and Kori came and got us and brought us to Cadi. Chance took in all of us without question or hesitation. Gave us a real home, went to all of Sable's doctor's appointments, has done every hospital stay with me, and taken care of me after. He even had business cards made for me with his contact info in case the person I'm hooking up with isn't actually trying to kill me. I know what people think of Chance, he's told me about the shit he's done, but I don't care because he chose to take all four of us and did his best by us. Treated us no differently than his own kids." And she was eternally grateful for him. "What's your story?"

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cisphobicagenda · 4 years ago

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Good morning I had a mini dream that a bunch of white people were upset that being called white didn't look/sound "exotic" enough so they started spelling it as "Wyite"

#I'm #Alright then #I felt the need to share this here cause???#Why??#It didn't last very long the dream & I'm glad that was horrible

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darkdisrepair · 2 years ago

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imogen meta: "you know you saved my life, right?"

tw//suicidal ideation

i'm so sorry for another meta but this line has been sitting in my brain for DAYS now, and there are a few things about it that are just so striking and so so sad-

for one- it puts imogen's farewell to bertrand into a much greater context.

"i'm glad the noises stopped for you. i'm glad you're at peace."

how long has imogen been longing for that kind of peace? she's been dealing with her powers for a decade, now, and it seems like only in her time with bell's hells has she really been able to get a stronger harness on it.

how many times, has death seemed like the only escape? ever present, ever alluring, in the corner of her mind?

it's a layer that i couldn't quite pick up before, because there was context for what she said, but there also wasn't- but now, with the idea that "i don't know how much longer i would've lasted" at the forefront-

she's had a decade of pain, and ostracization, and voices she can't control, with no sign of reprieve, no sense that it would ever end, and for a long period in her life- with no one to support her.

it's been so obvious for so long, given the angst of imogen's past, but i've struggled to connect the dots of just how deep imogen's pain runs. laura has been dropping clues- her farewell to bertrand, talking about how bad it had gotten during what the fuck is up with that, her mentions of her father- but this was the final piece, to make it all so painfully clear.

these past few years, they've been everything.

because what did imogen have before, really? what reasons did she have to keep going? an absent mother, a distant father, and chronic, overwhelming, agonizing pain and dreams haunting her in her sleep?

who did she have to turn to?

no one, and no glimmer of hope.

and so of course she would be drawn to laudna. her musical thoughts a balm to her aching mind, her cheerful attitude a bright spot in the darkness of imogen's life, her support almost foreign to a young girl who has never had the stability of someone to lean on-

and of course she would be devastated, when that's ripped away from her again, when laudna dies. that hope, that happiness- it's intoxicating, and it's horrible when it's gone, and she's taken back to that place of hurt and anger and fear.

and of course she would do everything to bring laudna back. but it also paints her ritual contribution into a greater context- of course she wouldn't make laudna come back, either. she won't make her return to her home full of trauma, she won't make laudna leave the sweet embrace of death.

because who is she, to deny someone that tranquility, that escape- when she's been tempted by it herself? if laudna needs to go, to not hurt anymore, she'll let her, because she loves laudna so much that she wouldn't ever take that away from her, if that was what she wanted.

(however, if laudna didn't come back, imogen would most certainly struggle. especially since i don't think she's fully processed otohan's attack yet, she's been so determined on giving laudna that choice that she herself has thought about).

but it's also so beautiful- how two lonely, shunned girls could find such light and hope in each other, and find ways to battle back against the world. and it shows such depth to their love, and their devotion to each other.

it's such an intimate thing, to tell someone that they saved your life. and though it wasn't a romantic confession, it's clear that they love each other very, very much.

#imogen temult #cr imogen #imogen meta #imogen temult meta #laudna #imodna #critical role #critical role spoilers #critical role meta #cr spoilers #campaign 3 #campaign 3 spoilers

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alreadyjackbestfriend · 2 years ago

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nightmares. Jack harlow x reader

Pairing: Jack Harlow x reader

Warning: angsttttt (well, it's mostly fluff but wait till the end 💀).

Note: Jack is not a rapper in this story, he’s a college student. Secondly, I wrote this in Spanish first and I didn't proof read because i'm half sleep lmao (i hope i don´t have a nightmare after this), so sorry if I missed something, and please remember that english it's not my first lenguage so there may be some mistakes. and last but not least, i was writing another thing, and this idea came to me and I started writing like a maniac. I wanted to post something so bad and this idea was simpler than the other that was taking me so much time, so here it is!

you woke up frightened, your eyes wide open meeting the complete darkness and your heart racing in your chest. despite knowing that it had only been a nightmare, your body was shaking from fear. you haven't had a nightmare in years, but as a teenager you had them every time you were under a lot of stress. And the past few weeks had been very demanding, apparently forcing your body to return to old habits.

you jumped out of bed to turn on the lights, more relieved once you could see everything around you, but you were too scared to go back to sleep. you checked your phone and it was only 2am, there was a long night ahead and you couldn’t allow yourself not to rest, you had important things to do tomorrow.

You opened your room’s door, hoping to find some sign of life from your roommates: first you looked towards Urban's door, because it was the closest to you, but there was no light or noise coming from inside, so you walked down the hall to the next door without much hope. you tried to be silent to hear something inside, but nothing. when you were about to give up, you bent down to see if there was any light filtering under the door, and and you were surprised with a dim and warm light. you stood up and gently knocked on the door.

“come in!” said the voice inside, and you you sighed before opening the door. Jack looked back at you from behind his glasses and lowered the book when he noticed how pale your face was, “what’s wrong?” he asked, frowning.

“i had a nightmare” you admitted, “I just wanted to distract myself a bit before trying to go back to sleep. I know it's silly, but I have this horrible feeling." you gestured with your hands around your chest.

Jack shook his head, “it’s not silly, I know how bad a nightmare can be, you want to talk about it?”

“Not really” you shook your head.

“okay, we can talk about something else” he answered, “come sit with me” you smiled shyly and walked to the bed, sitting on top of the covers, while Jack was underneath.

“what is your book about?” you asked, and that's how Jack spent 20 minutes speaking about the book he was reading; and as if you were a 2-year-old girl listening to a bedtime story, your eyelids started to get heavy. Jack looked at you with a small smile.

“you can sleep here if you want” he said, and you just looked at him, “ I can see that you are very tired, and that you are afraid to go back to sleep, but if it makes you feel better not being alone, you can sleep here, besides, I'll keep the lamp on for a little while, until I finish this chapter” he said, showing you his book.

“really?” you asked, he nodded, “thank you, Jack” while you said it, you yawned. his smile got bigger and you smiled back at him, trying to hide the blush in your cheeks while you got under the covers. “ok, good night” you said, trying to get into a comfortable position.

“good night y/n, sleep tight” he responded, “and tell anyone or anything that appears in your dreams, that they will have to deal with me if they try to hurt you” he added, and you were glad he couldn't see your goofy smile before you fell asleep.

***

The next morning, the habit in your body made you open your eyes at the right time, you looked at the clock on jack's nightstand and sighed with relief. You turned your gaze to his figure: lying on his stomach, with half of his face hidden in the pillow and his two hands on either side of his head.

you fought the urge to run your hands through his wild curls, and you slipped out of bed and the room, coming face to face with urban. You gasped, and placed your hand on your chest.

After a few seconds, you looked up at his face, because like Jack, he was much taller than you. You were met with a raised eyebrow and a smirk; you rolled your eyes.

“it’s not what you think” you said at his unasked question, he widened his smirk and narrowed his eyes.

“riiiight”

“look, urban, if I had wanted to sleep with either of you two I would have done it a long time ago” liaaaar, your mind told you. You knew that if Jack had given you a sign you might have done it, but that had never happened, and you would never take the initiative. “I had a nightmare last night, Jack just helped me”

“okay, i believe you” urban answered, raising his hands in surrender, but but his mocking smile didn’t disappear. He walked past you, and without stopping he asked you: “do you want breakfast?”

“ummm, no, I'll eat something on the campus, i have to go quickly, but thanks”

“no problem”

While you showered, a memory about a breath on your neck and a warm hand on your waist crossed your mind, but you let it come as it came, you let it go with the water, you had probably dreamed it.

***

You spent the whole day taking classes and studying, so you arrived at your apartment around 7pm, you noticed that nobody was there yet so you walked straight to your room, left your things, went to the bathroom to wash your hands and went back to your room, lay down on the bed to look at your phone for a while, and without realizing it, you fell asleep.

Again, the beating of your heart woke you up, the darkness surrounding you. You got out of bed without noticing that you were no longer wearing your shoes, and that someone had covered your body with a blanket. You walked down the hall to Jack's door, and knocked softly.

“come in!” his voice said, and you entered. He put his phone down and looked at you with a worried expression, “nightmare again?”, you nodded, “come here”, he opened the covers and you quickly got under them. he held you in his arms until you fell asleep.

you woke up with your body surrounded by the legs and arms of another person, and quickly remembered where you were. you smiled to yourself, and decided to enjoy the moment a bit before trying to get up.

Jack woke up with the movement of your body, “hey” he whispered, smiling lazily.

“hey” you answered, smiling back.

“did you sleep well?” he asked, separating himself from your body and starting to stretch. you immediately missed his warmth.

“yes, very well, thank you”

“my pleasure” he answered, giving you a big smile.

it was friday, and you didn't have classes, so you really didn't have to get up but you did anyway; after all, this wasn't your bed.

“you have classes today?” you asked

“unfortunately, yes” jack nodded, “but not until 1, sooo how about I make you some breakfast?”

“sounds like a really nice plan” you smiled.

******

That morning, everything went perfect between the two of you, you ate breakfast, helped jack to choose the outfit for his day and, for your surprise, he said goodbye with a peck on your lips. Apparently, sleeping together—literally—had sparked something between him and you.

But that night, he didn’t return to the apartment. you didn't worry too much, after 6 months of living with jack and urban, it was normal that some friday and saturday nights they didn't came back…

but you couldn't sleep.

and the next day neither jack nor urban were back by sundown, so you decided to go to sleep at a friend's house, because you were too afraid to face a night alone… completely alone.

you felt betrayed. it wasn't like jack owed you anything, but where was his empathy? Besides, he left you alone after kissing you and confusing you, how could he?

When you were leaving the apartment, you crashed into urban.

“hey, where are you going?”

“where were you? Where is jack?” you asked back. urban scratched the back of his neck.

“uhmmm, we were at a friend's house, I came back to-”

“right, ok, me too” you cut him, and left.

***

you came home on sunday night, after crying with your friend the whole night before, feeling like an idiot.

you walked to your room trying not to look anywhere, just at your footsteps, but you couldn't help but notice the light filtering under his door.

you fell asleep almost instantly, and once again you woke up from a nightmare. This time, the monstrous things that your mind created managed to distress you in such a way that your body was covered in sweat and your eyes were filled with tears the second you opened them.

you checked your phone with shaking hands, it had only been an hour. you were so scared that you didn't care about anything that had happened with jack, you just needed a hug from him.

you left your room and walked to his, but before you could knock on the door, you heard something that made you stop abruptly: a girl's laugh.

----

PART 2

#jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fic #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow angst #jack harlow one shot

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help-im-a-gay-fish · 4 years ago

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The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news.

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed.

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car.

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake.

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal.

Killer's warning played in his mind.

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right.

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

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jamboreeofsurprises · 3 years ago

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here is my attempt at recapping the march 14 show at long last!! i kind of wish i'd written this while it was fresher, but i was just too tired. putting it beneath a cut both for length and because there are setlist spoilers, and i don't want anyone to get spoiled on the show if they don't want to.

we were very lucky to come early enough that i got to stand nearly in the first row. when i bought my tickets nearly a year ago, i remember looking up the venue and thinking the lighting was pretty cool. we took an uber and got there shortly after doors opened at 7pm, and i thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest... a lot of very difficult circumstances have led up to this experience, so the fear that something might go horribly wrong at the last minute was very real and pretty crushing. but instead, everything proceeded as smoothly as ever and we got in just fine, and the wave of relief that washed over me was so tangible, i'll never forget that feeling. i have dreamed off and on since late 2018 about what seeing them again would be like, and like most of us, the pandemic really made me wonder when or if it could ever even happen again. i'm so glad that it could.

i think my only regret is that i couldn't have hung out a little longer beforehand, because i've always wanted to connect with more fans at the shows, but it didn't seem like any of my friends were there and i've been a little out of it, so that's okay.

we were very lucky to come early enough that i got to stand just behind the front row - and by the end of the show, i WAS in the front row! when i bought my tickets nearly a year ago, i remember looking up the venue and thinking the lighting was pretty cool. it took no time at all for me to look back and see an ocean of people all piled up. Still kind of a stressful sight from the pandemic, but inevitable...

they were slightly late! about 15 minutes before the show was set to start the fog machines went off which elicited cheers. the ones on the left weren't working properly (i was on the right side of the stage as always so i got all the fog) so someone tinkered with them for a while. i remember my heart pounding as soon as the clock hit 8 but as fate would have it, they didn't come out until about 8:08. also? I got just about the best view, directly in front of ron!

with the exception of a few spoilers i accidentally bumped into online (and immediately tried to forget upon reading, but couldn't help remembering due to excitement at the prospect of hearing them), i managed to stay pretty in the dark regarding their setlist, but i was 99% certain they were going to begin with so may we start because how could they not? And what a heart stopper of an opening. Basically just note for note perfect. it didn't take long for that "oh my god i'm really here this is really happening and it's mere feet away from me!" hysteria to settle in, the kind that makes everything go blurry for a few moments before you snap out of it and can be present for the moment again.

(what are these types of lights called? they're impossible to photograph..)

My eyes were quickly caught by the soles of Russell's shoes glowing in the dark. actually, some friends were asking me to confirm the color of Russell's pants to them. They are bright yellow, but lighting could make this difficult to tell at times.

(My pictures nor memories will necessarily be in order btw ^^;)

They launched right into Angst in My Pants right after, and wow, while every song they do definitely elicits excitement in the crowd, i think the sheer iconography of this song and album especially resonated, because the hype was physically tangible. of course, it's a song that just makes you smile. The percussion sounded and felt perfect the whole show, i'm not a person who moves much (in general...) but it's hard not to be energized by the driving beat these songs have. the two younger people in front of me were particularly enthusiastic the whole show i could tell, which was nice.

(more questionable photo quality, but it looks sort of cool?)

and then, while I did get this spoiled for me - GET IN THE SWING!! When was the last time they performed this!? I don't even know that they have since it came out?? Russell blowing on his fingers for the sound-off whistle at the beginning of the song was just yet another one of those little moments that elicited hysterical hype across the room. it was just as delightfully fun and chaotic as you would hope it to be.

I think it may have been after this song that they stopped to greet the audience. Russell does most of the talking and i find it very sweet when he stammers, especially if what he's saying is emotional. they both came across quite emotional to be playing, which was moving. and he was still good with his words, of course.

now, a truly tremendous surprise for me followed shortly after - under the table with her!!! getting in that indiscreet love tonight, and I couldn't be happier. the performance really accentuated the waltz flair of the song and it was fun hearing just how into it Russell got, nearly to a caricatured extent, and it only made the performance that much more memorable. i sensed some genuine surprise from audience members at getting to hear this song in a live setting, what a treat!

(Probably one of the better shots i nabbed, now if only my iphone weren't a 6....)

i won't detail every single song that was played, but there definitely was quite a bit of 80s love which surprised me - something that there probably won't be as much of in europe, i imagine. but the lil beethoven era got its chance to shine, which i'm always happy for. I don't recall if i've seen them play I Married Myself live before - but what really set this iteration of the song apart was russell, during the bridge, tossing the rather somber and introspective mood the song stirs in you out the window during the bridge to ask how he's doing and say how fine he looks to a hand mirror that he picked up and gazed at intermittently throughout the rest of the song, adding some comic levity where it was very much appreciated. a lot of us laughed out loud.

There was a little more Annette representation too with We Love Each Other So Much (played side by side with I Married Myself, illustrating some similarity between the two) which, of course, Russell has to duet with himself. it's both funny and awe-inspiring hearing him sing marion's parts in a sort of call and response. and at the end of the song, the most magical thing happened, too magical to have been caught on camera, of course. during the climax as it gets quieter and more ethereal, the blue-white light shining behind Russell seemed to serendipitously encircle his head like a halo as the rest of the room went silent and he seemed to be the only thing that existed. of course, when you're really absorbed in the moment you don't take a photo. maybe i will recreate it myself one day...

My Baby's Taking Me Home was excellent except that Russell missed the second half of the bridge, but in a way that felt almost deliberate like they agreed to truncate it - it was really odd, and one of the only flaws of the night. I'd turned on my camera specially to film it because the "A rainbow forms..." half is really what makes the song for me, but he stopped quickly and the song resumed. It felt so strange, but was still handled with grace. (if you're reading this russell, it's okay!!)

they stopped to address the audience again later in the set and Russell mentioned that between TSB (which he seemed to struggle to remember was a documentary or not - and beat himself with 'i went to film school!' for) and annette.

Shopping Mall of Love was a riot and not something i saw coming! every deadpan delivery of "yea." was enough to make me scream and lots of others around me did the same. it's a power unique to ron and i think he enjoys wielding it.

no show is complete without number one song in heaven - or this town for that matter! and both were spectacular as always. though the strobing during this town wasn't really friendly for photosensitive types like me... russell whispered something to ron before it started, maybe something along the lines of "this is 800,00th time we've played this!". (not that i'm complaining one bit!) i actually forgot to hold my breath before the final F# of the song like i always do, maybe because russell was already demonstrating very little struggle to hit the high notes that night.

they addressed the audience again shortly before the show ended and really emphasized how happy they are to see & hear everyone loving the show so much. ron said something to the effect of "every artist says they just make art for themselves and don't care what others think, but that's really not true". just like the rest of us, they want validation. they want to know that both the new and old material resonates with people. and of course, russell drops that the new album is very well underway and that in their "spare time" they are also working on their next movie musical, promising that there's a lot to look forward to still which is always deeply reassuring. not that any of us doubt it for a second. being a sparks fan is always rewarding and, as russell alluded to once or twice, these last few years in a pandemic have made the things we hold dear to us like their music only dearer still. i could tell they knew it. they spoke one last time to front the final encore, All That (which i'd nearly forgotten i wanted to hear so much), saying the song in some ways reflects their feelings about all of us. tbh i think it also reflects their feelings about each other. sparks songs aren't usually just about one specific thing. but in any case - a lovely and fitting conclusion to a lovely show.

a quick summation of some highlights/notes about this spectacular night:

- the glow-in-the-dark soles of russell's shoes! - and his hello kitty bling! - a lot has been said about his dance moves. they are indeed delightful. - ron's long pants that look like a pleated skirt. all the better when he takes off his coat and you can see them with his turtleneck. what a GNC look... - i didn't make the group photo at the end (just barely too far to the left). that's ok! - multiple instances of eye contact with both of them. it helps i was stood in a perfect spot for it, but it happened quite a few times, with smiles from both of them. (some of this may have just been them looking in my general direction, but as a typically eye contact-adverse person, i can usually tell if someone is looking directly at me.) - continuing that thought, an instance of russell walking in our direction, looking at me, smiling very sweetly, and giving a small wave. again: he may have been looking at someone next to me or our side of the crowd in general. it doesn't matter. it filled me with Joy. - ron doing the concluding suburban homeboy verses and the laughter at his delivery of "she's one freak bitch ain't no lie..." - introducing the band at the end, russell calling steve nistor a Sparks veteran and "one of the greatest drummers today" while ron takes the mic from him several times to eventually correct it to "no, the best drummer living or dead". - exiting the venue and spotting someone walking away with a handpainted jacket of the bros. i had to urgently jaywalk to our next uber but luckily a pic of it ended up online!

as i said - the last year has been chaos and pain for me. people who know, know. it was nothing short of miraculous that i got to have a wonderful trip to seattle and finally see my boys, and boy did they deliver. i feel profoundly grateful to them and the entire sparks team for the incredibly positive evening we all got to share. i hope they stay healthy and safe and that my friends will be able to see them, even if it might mean a little traveling. considering i haven't been to a show since 2018, it was easy to forget just how positive and vital the energy from a truly great concert is. I'm so thankful.

#sparks tour #sparks tour 2022 spoilers /#journal

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mira--mira · 3 years ago

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Hi! I was wondering

How do you think Hashirama and Madara would be in a Road to Ninja version?

I remember once reading a Hashimada fic (which I never finished RIP) that was about Madara appearing in the RTN universe and the 3 things that stucked with me were:

1.- Madara was the first Hokage (something that Madara thought was horrible when he saw his sculpted face on the Hokage mountain 🤣)

And personally I think that it would not have been like that even in the RTN universe because we didn't see his face along with the other faces of Hokages in the movie (Yeah, apparently I'm basing myself on a movie which I'm not even sure if it's canon or not, even though Kishimoto wrote it) and the RTN characters didn't seem to even know who Madara is.

2.- Hashirama having his bowlcut as an adult

And I agree with the Madara from that fanfic, it looks awful on him. Hashirama, babe, I'm sorry but the only ones who can rock that style are Guy Sensei and Rock Lee, I know you just were trying to be cool but it doesn't suite you.

3.- Tobirama was a porn writer

Instead of being a fan of forbidden jutsu and creating justus, he wrote porn novels a la Jiraiya. And I'll hold that headcanon with my dead hands.

The only other fanfic that places the founders in the RTN universe is one where the protagonist is Mito (it's an interesting one-shot that pairs her with Itama 🤔)

She was kind of a shy person 🤔? And so it was Tobirama 🤣 which I found fun.

Hashirama, as the first fanfic I mentioned, was the Tobirama of the place (saddenly Madara wasn't in this fic).

So I would like to know what are your versions of the founders (or only Hashirama and Madara if it is too much) in the RTN universe! And how do you think things would be

Hmm, RTN is an interesting concept to me but, to be honest, I don't think Konoha would exist if a lot of personalities got flipped 😂 I haven't read any RTN fics with the founders, but if you, or anyone else, have links at hand I'd love to check them out 👀

1. Madara

Here's the big one and the crux of why I don't think the village would exist. Typically I characterize Madara as an extremely responsible man who internalizes things when he shouldn't, takes himself way too seriously, is aggressive and abrasive even to people he loves sometimes, but genuinely loves the people closest too him. Reversing this would make a character that slacks off, takes no responsibility, and is completely passive in life and has fleeting attachments to others around him. Assuming he wouldn't die on the battlefield, I could see the RTN "alternate" personality coming about of Madara's being so overpowered and competent that he loses interest and distances himself from things before he can get attached and lose them.

It makes building a village very hard though. (At first I was tempted to go RTN Sasuke route and maybe RTN!Madara is a little more openly flirty than canon!Madara, but the passivity and refusal to take responsibility would be the "core" qualities for me.)

2. Hashirama

Hashirama is a bit weird because he has a lot of surface-level "conflicting" traits in canon. He is optimistic but he pushes beyond his natural attitude and uses it as a mask to hide instead of addressing his feelings. He's mischievous, likes jokes and games, and can be a bit hedonistic with his pleasure but can equally be serious when necessary and will willingly sacrifice for others around him. And simultaneously, Hashirama and Madara are connected by a shared sense of idealism but also anger. Hashirama is a very kind, but extremely angry, man. I think a RTN!Hashirama would share a kind of apathy of RTN!Madara but instead of passivity his lack of anger would manifest as cruelty. Because canon!Hashirama is angry but his anger is usually a righteous kind. I don't think RTN!Hashirama would go out of his way to be cruel, but he doesn't have the empathy of canon!Hashirama, especially to others' suffering. He enjoys fighting just a bit too much and has no qualms about killing. In his mind, he should always come first in any situation and prioritizing (or even considering) others' is effort and him going out of his way to be "nice" and the other should be thankful. Similarly if he feels any negative emotion, he won't bottle it up and swallow it down, he'll immediately address it, usually confrontationally. RTN!Hashirama is as intelligent as his canon counterpart but he doesn't suffer fools and he hates it when people underestimate him. He's pretty proud and vain, tbh.

I really don't think the above would make him the "Tobirama" of RTN verse. To me Hashirama and Tobirama have different core values and perspectives and inverting Hashirama's doesn't make it become Tobirama's, if that makes sense. This one is also wordy bc I immediately knew how RTN!Madara would be RTN!Hashirama is a bit harder to pin down. But I hope it's clear why I have doubts about the village existing...maybe if RTN!Hashirama got it in his mind as a pet project for the hell of it, that he'd be a better leader for the country and not just the Senju alone, and RTN!Madara liked the idea of no responsibility and being able to detach even further than he already was? But that's still kind of grasping for a reason.

3. Hashimada

Equally I think any Hashirama/Madara relationship would be ehhh. They definitely wouldn't have the overwhelming bond of their canon counterparts, and it could be a relationship ripe for unhappiness. The closest I can think of to making the ship work is RTN!Madara would be drawn to Hashirama's absurd level of self-confidence and able to let the casual cruelty slide off instead of getting worked up about it. In a way RTN!Hashirama is stable and predictable. If he's pretty overpowered, there's less of a chance RTN!Madara would lose him, so their relationship isn't deep but it's more or less dependable and Madara knows exactly what he's going to get. In contrast RTN!Hashirama has an audience in the form of RTN!Madara and a partner that's not going to push back against his ideas. RTN!Madara doesn't ask for much and he doesn't complain when RTN!Hashirama puts himself first. He doesn't want, or might not be capable of, the deep emotional bond their canon counterparts have. RTN!Madara wouldn't leave Konoha (if it existed) in the AU, because he doesn't really care. If someone upset RTN!Hashirama and he decided to leave to 'do it right' RTN!Madara would probably follow, maybe out of some loyalty for RTN!Hashirama but mostly because it's what's easiest.

4. Tobirama

The core of Tobirama's character to me is prioritizing logic over emotion and both a conscious and unconscious failure to realize he can't completely eliminate emotion. Tobirama loves his brother, he's curious and has a desire to find out what makes things work and is willing to bend morality to get results if it'll serve a greater good. He's very aware of the unfairness of the world but believes it's an unspoken truth of humanity and can only be mitigated through logical means, but never completely erased. He'll be the sacrificial lamb, the one that works in shadows so his brother can have his utopian dream. Despite everything, he loves his genin, the strongest bonds he has aside from Hashirama, and does try to instill in them lessons he think will help them and lead to peace and stability in the village. He's still influenced by the prejudices of his time and can never find it in him to truly forgive the Uchiha.

A RTN!Tobirama would be a man ruled by emotion. Him writing erotica all day definitely could be one way this manifests lol. But overall he's sensitive and spiritual and can't stand the idea of killing. He and RTN!Hashirama don't get along and he actively tries to avoid his brother. RTN!Tobirama has equally strong principles as canon!Tobirama, but they're pacifist in nature and while he likes his studies, he prefers to be out talking to people and learning from them first hand. He's very naive and can be easily taken advantage of and he has trouble focusing on any one thing for too long. No matter how many times this happens, he never can harden his heart or be overly suspicious of others. RTN!Tobirama would most likely be the one support peace in this AU. He embraces the Uchiha and all the Senjus past enemies with open arms, almost to a foolish degree. It'd be a bad idea if he became hokage in this AU because he's a terrible negotiator and has a bad people-pleasing streak and struggles with long-term tactics. With the exception of RTN!Hashirama, who he considers an aberration who doesn't have a soul, humans at their core all have good intentions at heart.

5. Mito

I characterize Mito as a very level-headed woman. Her marriage to Hashirama is political in nature but they grow to be good friends and she never expected to fall in love and she's glad Hashirama didn't want a traditional wife. Mito is devoted to her community work (she works hands-on with people in the village), she seeks out connections with others and, despite the distance, remains close with her family in Uzushio, constantly writing them letters. She's spiritual and follows the Uzumakis' beliefs (not gonna list this OoT spoiler lol) and studies fuinjutsu in her spare time, something she's done since she was a child. She is willing to sacrifice if it meant protecting something she considered greater than herself, much to her own personal detriment. She loves and is proud of her children and grandchildren, but if she had a choice, she would have chosen to remain childless, she finds her true calling elsewhere.

RTN!Mito, similarly to RTN!Tobirama, is ruled by emotions. She dreams of one day making a good marriage for herself and centers romance and being a mother as her ideal life, but she's extremely picky when it comes picking the perfect husband. RTN!Mito knows how much she's worth and she refuses to settle and will not even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. She has a hard time forming long-lasting, deep bonds with other people and views starting her own family as the solution to this problem. At times she can be a bit absent-minded and unintentionally selfish, but she's not actively malicious. She blusters a lot and depending on the situation can come off as cold and uncaring, but it's only to hide the depth of her true feelings and loneliness. In this AU she would absolutely refuse to marriage RTN!Hashirama. Nothing on hell or earth, could make her change her mind.

Mito is such a blank-slate character it feels like writing an oc more than a canon character, tbh. And this is something I don't see brought up a lot but a "heart full of love" to combat the kyuubi's hatred to me has never been exclusive to romantic or familial (to children) love. *cough* I want a complex female character who's not vilified for not wanting to have children and/or regretting having them *cough* Mito's "love" was for the people of Konoha and Uzushio. My personal headcanon regarding her and Hashirama's child (I don't think she had more than one) was that she was dedicated to her son, but quickly realized being a mother wasn't her dream or something she even actively liked. The kid was well-cared for and she was dutiful towards him, but Hashirama was the parent that loved and embraced him with his whole heart and it led to some tension between Mito and her son as the kid could tell the difference and neither of them were "wrong" to feel the way they did. This is why Tsunade was shown with Hashirama instead of Mito, he was a lot more present in her life when she was young (instead of Kishi just not having made Mito as a character yet). But after Hashirama and Tsunade's dad died (and then Nawaki), she and Mito grew close but it was definitely more of a friendship or student/mentor relationship rather than a traditional grandmother/granddaughter relationship but both were satisfied with it and loved eachother. Likewise I didn't want RTN!Mito's characterization to be shallow and hit misogynistic undertones with her being an "opposite" to Mito's calm, level-headed, focused on her work/passions characterization.

6. Closing thoughts

#1: Wow this got long #2: I feel conflicted about RTN because it seemed to flip surface-level characteristics instead of deep characterizations, and ignored flaws altogether. The ones above, esp. Hashirama and Madara's, are kind of dark in a way? But that's the only way it makes sense to me...Gai and Lee caring about style and being stylish is a funny joke but if you were to actually poke and prod and say their personalities were inverted, neither of them would be top-notch ninja as we know...unless I'm just completely misremembering RTN because I realize it's been years since I saw it lol. Anyway, hope this was entertaining!

#naruto #hashimada #hashirama senju #madara uchiha #mito uzumaki #tobirama senju #asks #al-stuffy #rtn au #long post

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elytrafemme · 2 years ago

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Welp. My brain is fried from testing, but once again this was an absolutely lovely chapter!! My thought process while reading this was either: Wow, this is some beautiful writing! I feel at peace reading such well-developed characters and metaphors! Or: SBDEHBIENFNDJNDSNLISNLOIAN >:( So, let's get into it, shall we? To start, the intro to this chapter was just great! I mean- It wasn't great for Ranboo, but his suffering is entertaining to me. The juxtaposition from the last chapter where Ranboo told Tubbo he was only a little stressed at most and that it wasn't too bad in regards to the Fundy situation vs Ranboo having literal night terrors based on weed which directly links to very traumatizing information that he just received through Fundy. As much as Ranboo wants to believe that mental lows like this are just cuz and not at all related to unaddressed trauma, the fact that he's having nightmares based around it is so reflective of his internal issues. And then the imagery here too was SO good as always. The way you chose to describe it came across as so stressful and desperate, and I could talk about your imagery for hours dude! (I already bring it up every time cs updates already lol) Who knew that an entire section dedicated to weed could be so unfunny and so tense? Now I want to talk about a stupid bastard, or as I described him in my notes, "BitchBitchBitch". I of course am talking about Dream. I hate him. I hate him so much. I want him dead, tossed into a river. So on one hand, excellent characterization. On the other, SFYUDHJLKGJDNA /POS. Dream subtly almost encouraging self-harm and suicidal idealization was enraging. Sure, Dream said a weak ass "I don't want you to die or anything" But he basically told Ranboo that he's going to start hurting himself against his own will and that it's inevitable, and SO CAUSALLY. (not to mention he didn't even talk Ranboo out of the self-harm part). This dumb fucker tells him to his face (not literally since it's a phone call) that he'll die long before him and laughs about all his vague threats, and it's so frustrating that Ranboo thinks he can confide in this green asshole. Like when he was thinking of who he could call to call down, saying no one has dealt with his lows, literally everyone he thought of before Dream would be both more understanding and comforting to him. And it is agonizing to see Dream so casually chipping away at Ranboo's already horrible self-image. I can't wait to see how the tension in their relationship builds and develops as you go on, because you are great at writing Dream scenes to be uncomfortable to read. Scenes with Dream and Ranboo are the equivalent of a festering infection that is both disgusting and uncomfortable, and also needs to be cut away for the wound(Ranboo) to heal. The section with Niki and Ranboo was so bittersweet to me. Because on one hand, awww they're bonding and Niki is being so supportive of Ranboo questioning his gender identity :D But on the other, Ranboo thinks either everyone he cares about will leave him or he'll leave them, which is so...saaaad. Still, this section was so...serene? I have no other way to describe this, but the descriptions and tone just felt like a slightly foggy morning with dewdrops on the grass. It was calm and carried that hidden sadness that not just Ranboo, but Niki has. And I like the touch that even if Ranbbo doesn't feel like he and Niki are real siblings like xe does, that they are through their actions. You excel at show don't tell in regards to characterization and relationship dynamics, because Ranboo knows her tells and when she's concealing pain but knows that there isn't a want to bring attention to it? That's some sibling energy man! And I'm also glad we're getting more cs!Niki, because xe has such a story that you can really feel haunts xem, and I love when sad gay characters interact with each other /hj.

And then that little part with Tommy and Ranboo is suspicious to me. For one, love the partially unspoken tension between the two which continues to be unaddressed out of both fear and contempt. Though the way Tommy seems to be wary of Ranboo's car in relation to Dream is definitely concerning to me (But I might just be thinking too hard lol) Anyway, great chapter! Caused me to angrily scribble in my notes 3 times, so props to you for making me want to punch the characters through my computer screen once again! Before the update, you referred to this chapter as filler, and I think this was no plain boring filler. No, no, no, I think this was like filler from avatar the last airbender! It may not contribute directly to the main plot, but it provides wonderful character insight, development, and builds relation dynamics which make the whole fic feel more connected and dynamic! :] Thank you for writing and I can't wait for the next cs tuesday! Wishing you the best rest of your day or night!! <333

HIII!!! HELP SDFJKFDSHJFDS THOSE R THE TWO MOODS I GET THAT

"but his suffering is entertaining to me" this is a good quote ; NO BUT GENUINELY so happy that you liked that sort of unreliable recounts from ranboo, if i can get all rambly for a sec ranboo's an interesting character to write because when you look at canon he really can't talk about a lot of what he's experienced like experiences this physical blockade, but he's not as secretive and repressed about things in the same way that tubbo is. so writing them is honestly really interesting because i constantly have to figure out how both of them process emotions and how they are with openness. i could ramble more about that but basically super SUPER happy you liked that bit!

you're so eloquent with these analyses i swear -- YEAH i'm really happy people like my dream characterization too because genuinely? he's like. he's REALLY hard to write honestly because the thing about abuse is that even if two people share an abuser that person may respond to them both differently. meaning a lot of what it comes down to with cs!dream and cs!ranboo is drawn from canon and also personal experience but the latter can't really be used so strongly because it varies so much, which is what makes it really fascinating to try and figure out but i'm glad i'm able to write him in a realistic and unsettling way because that's the goal. cs!dream is a person who understands cs!ranboo's insecurities very well and that's the horror of it

i never even imagined that scene being considered serene but it means the world that you called it that and i'm going to remember that forever thank you <3. i'm really happy to hear also that i'm good with show don't tell because admittedly that's one of the weak spots i had especially when i started writing years ago so it's really nice to hear that i'm able to show their bond without saying it :]

>:] so excited to grow their tension fr!!!

youre literally the kindest ever galaxy i appreciate u so much :D thank you thank you thank you

#nightmare.ask #galaxy tag :d #cough syrup spoilers #long post #nightmare.cough-syrup

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