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foxtophat · 4 years ago

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MERRY CHRISTMAS IN JANUARY EVERYONE yeah i know ~nothing is fixed~ but whatever, fuck you, have some fanfic

so anyway i’ve been planning this for a while, i’m kinda shocked tho b/c i finished writing it in like less than 3 days??? (aside from editing) usually it takes me longer to at least figure out how to wrap things up, but at least this one was easy money. i’m sure none of the other ones will be so kind to me

this one takes place a month or so after the last one; it’s set in spring 2028 (omfg finally on a new year!!!!) and it has a little something to do with carmina finally getting some chickens!!!! one thing about new dawn that i think was really lacking is the explanation of how life... restarted before the highwaymen. i definitely remember a few houses having chicken coops, too, so i know i’m not crazy putting these feathered friends in. to me, chickens are the most sensible post-apocalyptic pet outside of a dog; easy to care for, provide food while alive AND after death, and they can reproduce easily enough if you’ve got a rooster on hand. i can imagine a family making quite a life for themselves as a poultry farm in the apocalypse!

ugh idk what else to say so i’ll just say it: thank you so much for all of your comments and kudos on this series. i am so stoked to know that my self-indulgent trash is delicious to more than just my possum ass! i’ve had a lot of fun worldbuilding in ubisoft’s playground, and i hope to continue doing more fun stuff that other people will enjoy too!!!

with all that said, i hope you enjoy the fic :) i’ll put it below the cut for you if you don’t wanna leave tumblr, but ao3 looks so much better. anyway, thank you and have a great jan 20th!!!!

Winter melts away the same way it does every year, leaving in its path wet dirt and green buds of spring growth. John, nursing what's likely the last cup of coffee they can wring from this batch of grounds, stares out over the back yard and idly marvels at how quickly the snow had disappeared. Montana had been his first experience with white winters; even though he's gotten used to the changing seasons in theory, though, he can't help but be distracted by it year after year.

Across the yard, situated just in sight by the hangar, John can plainly see Carmina's new chickens looking for breakfast. They're the newest addition to the homestead, but so far John has only had to watch from afar as the Ryes worked to adjust them to their new home. He's not sure who's raising chickens out here, but at least they were willing to barter. Fresh eggs are going to mean a lot more than the dwindling supplies out of Jacob's cache.

The misty-gray of early morning has almost evaporated in the rising sunlight, and still the chickens haven't been fed. John watches them from where he stands, their frustration leading to subdued crows as they scratch at the dirt. He doesn't know who's noisier — them, or Nick and Kim arguing at the table behind him. Thank Christ the wet end of winter is over; John doesn't think he can tolerate much more of their married nagging. On some level, he's glad they don't make a habit of yelling at him instead of each other, but Jesus, he can't wait for them to both get some space from one another.

"This is why we said we weren't gonna do pets, remember?" Nick says. "Because if she got a pet, we would end up taking care of it. Remember?"

"Yes, Nick, I remember."

"Yeah, and here we are!"

Kim sighs. John doesn't have to look to see the exasperated eye-roll that comes with it. "It wasn't me who kept her up late last night! Which one of us was egging her on when she should have been asleep?"

This is exactly why John has never owned a pet. They're more trouble than they're worth, and the only thing they seem to be good for is teaching shitty life lessons to kids who don't care enough to learn. The only good thing about the chickens is that they provide something in return other than obnoxious crowing.

Carmina thumps around upstairs. John isn't looking forward to having to listen to Kim lecture her on responsibility, but he's not thrilled to listen to much more of this bickering, either. If his choices are to stay inside and fester or go out into the first nice day of the year — well, that's not much of a choice, is it?

"Fine," John sighs before either of the Ryes can set their sights on him, "I'll do it."

"Nobody's asking you to do it," Kim replies. "It's Carmina's responsibility."

John shakes his head. "Of course it is. Where's the feed?"

Nick points out a white plastic container sitting on the pass-through to the kitchen. "Not gonna wait for us to boss you around?" he asks.

John picks up the container and rattles it to make sure it's full. "I'm streamlining the process," he replies. "Unless you enjoy giving me orders."

Sure enough, implying Nick might like being a bossy piece of shit is enough to get him to shut up. He sighs with a deep frown at John, who ignores him as he heads out to the coop. It's a petty satisfaction to take the rug out from under Nick's feet, but John's not above it. Not by a long shot.

Some of it might be compensating for the disintegrating peace that had come with winter. Before the blizzard set in, they'd had enough on their collective plates as they prepared for the worst of the season. Afterward, the snow had prevented them from doing much more than what was necessary to survive, and the resulting downtime had settled like a comfortable blanket. Even now, with a few weeks of grating interpersonal interactions, John feels more focused, more rested than he can ever remember feeling. Living underground for eight years, he'd naively thought that he'd gotten enough rest to last him a lifetime — but he'd been strung out on Bliss and trying not to suffocate, and he hadn't known what he was doing. He's starting to suspect that the Bliss might've had a worse effect on him than the myriad other drugs he'd ingested. Hell, he's not sure he's clean even now — but he's managing, and that's what matters.

It's only once he's halfway across the yard that John realizes Kim forgot to argue about him going off on his own. Sure, he's only going as far as the hangar, but it's become something of a pleasantry she uses whenever John pretends to have the freedom to go where he pleases. Her irritation at Carmina and Nick probably made her forget. She's gotten so used to trusting John that she's finally found other things to take up her attention.

Weirdly enough, the casual disregard for his potential backslide irritates him. It really shouldn't. He should be thrilled that he can finally disappear from view for an hour without somebody calling out a search party. He's more than earned it, he thinks, but their trust highlights their naivety. Luckily for them, John means it when he says he's changed — but it's a line they're going to hear time and again from people far less genuine than he's been. They're so willing to help everyone and anyone that they don't even realize how much of a target they're making themselves. John's had to hold his tongue whenever Nick gives free supplies to shifty-eyed tweakers who are "just passing through," and while he trusts Kim not to let anyone obviously suspicious into the house, he doesn't trust her to recognize a cunning liar.

The last thing John needs is for the Ryes to put their trust in the wrong reformed psychopath. At least he's capable of picking up their slack. After all, John has his time at law school and years of psychological abuse under his belt — plenty of real-world experience dealing with unrepentant garbage. He'll notice it when somebody cases the hangar or acts too erratically, and hopefully the Ryes will listen to him if he gets the nerve to voice his concerns.

Not for the first time since summer, John is struck with a newfound respect for Jacob and the role he'd inhabited in the Project. It used to be his job to look out for insurrectionists, and he'd taken on that burden even when John and Joseph would openly dismiss his concerns. John can't imagine how many fires Jacob must've put out while the rest of the family was distracted by the Bliss. Looking back on it now, it's honestly a surprise they maintained their operation as long as they did, considering only one of the four of them was ever sober.

The chickens are hopping at his arrival, scuttling around the dirt and crowing as John reaches the pen. They don't notice him so much as the bin he rattles on approach, full of vegetable cuttings and strange white worms that come out whenever it rains. John doesn't mind one lick — he's never been much of an animal person, and he certainly doesn't care if Carmina's so-called pets notice his existence. Of course, knowing Carmina, she's going to use this as an excuse to shift breakfast duty to John full-time, and John won't have much of a say in the matter.

Well, that's not strictly true, but if Carmina asked, he knows he would do it, if only to give his day more structure. Truthfully, he's grown to depend on routine, when before it was impossible to keep to a schedule that didn't involve other people's expectations of him. There's probably a metaphor to be made about trains on and off the tracks, but John has never been particularly interested in locomotives.

John shakes the dead bugs and scraps out into the pen, watching the hens as they race to be the first to eat. They're perfectly happy now that they've been fed, cooing and clucking as they peck the dirt. They certainly seem content with safety and food — not entirely unlike the survivors living day-to-day in the town and beyond. Sure, John might not always be satisfied by bare sustenance, and one day he'll chafe under the grind of surviving week to week, but for now, he might as well be a dumb chicken crowing in the morning sun.

He throws some more feed into the pen, watching the three hens waddle after their meal. One of them lingers by the fence, freezing for a moment as her head swivels back and forth. She pecks at the dirt away from the feed before hustling after her two companions. John watches as she stops again; when he tosses a few worms in her direction, she pecks briefly at them before lifting her head to survey her surroundings.

The primal sensation of something being wrong nearly overtakes John's reasoning, before he manages to remind himself that a chicken's predators aren't exactly his to worry about. Still, he rattles the container to bring the hens scuttling towards him; all three are easily distracted by food now, but John can't shake the feeling that he'd missed something they hadn't. A fox, maybe? A snake? Anything could be lurking in the woods on the other side of the wash. Not a whole lot that could hurt him , of course, but he's not about to be blamed for Carmina's chickens being eaten by a wild dog.

The fence-line is... nebulous past the hangar, sure, but John's positive Kim doesn't consider the rest of the old airport off-limits. Then again, she might be in the mood to lecture him once she gets through with Carmina. It's a risk he's not sure he's willing to take.

Two chickens continue to eat as one keeps watch, their heads bobbing up and down as they switch off. Their unease mirrors his own, and John can imagine Faith giggling at him for being swayed by some dumb birds.

"Very well, ladies," he sighs, shaking the remainder of their breakfast onto the ground. "Don't let them say I don't care."

The chickens don't give three shits about John's motivations, of course; they watch him go, pecking at the food with increasing carelessness as the distance grows. John rolls his eyes at their sudden fearlessness, half-convinced to let whatever animal is lurking eat them out of spite.

There's a wide swath of dirt behind the hangar, separating it from the mostly-overgrown remnants of Rye Aviation that couldn't be saved. John can see the edge of the chicken pen from here, but the hangar is blocking him from the house. Even though he knows the Ryes trust him not to run off, he still feels distinctly uneasy going somewhere where they can't see him. At this point, Nick would probably only tease him for it, but John's not about to linger out here and risk turning Kim's irritation on himself.

To the right of the derelict hangars is a sparse wedge of trees that have grown in uninterrupted. John knows there's a path cut between the trunks, one he'd made himself while hauling the tire-planters for Kim last year, and there's a long stretch of unused runway beyond it. It isn't a great place for anything bigger than a fox to lurk in. That doesn't explain the feeling of being watched that comes over him as he stops halfway across the empty dirt lot; he looks around, but there's no place for anything to hide out here. The overgrowth on the old hangars can't be more than two feet high, and the bushes in the copse are brambly and sparse. The only place anything could hide would be in the trees, which is why John approaches them with more caution than they're worth.

The thinned underbrush is easy to explore, but John goes carefully as he picks through the trees and bushes. He doesn't know exactly what he's looking for — some sign of predators, whatever those might be — but he doesn't find much. There are some hoof-prints clear in the dirt, curving sharply away from the Rye homestead and back out to the airstrip, which tells John that the goddamn deer are back, probably looking to eat their hard-grown crops. Other than that, there's no sign of anything that might be stalking the hen-house. The ground is still somewhat soft from the rain a few nights ago, but it barely takes the imprint of John's boots as he explores the small grove.

That's why it's such a shock to see the tread of a narrow boot in the dirt by the trunk of one of the trees, well off the beaten path. It's an old print, he thinks — but he doesn't remember the last time any one of them had been out this way. Certainly not since the last time it rained.

An electric shock conducts itself down his spine. Somebody had been out here, hiding here in the trees, and it's only been two, three days since the last rain. John turns, and from his vantage point, he can clearly see the coop and the back of the hangar, but not the house. For that, he'd have to move out of the trees, into direct view of the porch.

It has to be Grace's boot. She's the only one he could imagine creeping around the property with good intentions. But even that explanation doesn't settle the anxious flip of his stomach; he tries not to let it show as he marches from the trees, intent on dragging Nick over and proving to him once and for all that they need to be more goddamn careful about who they let around the property. Somebody is going to want the copper fixtures they've salvaged, even if there's nobody to sell the metal to these days.

John gets halfway back to the coop when he catches something in his peripheral vision. Terrible, primal terror grips him as he fixes his gaze on the trick of the light that had scared him, ready to catch Grace peering at him over the abandoned hangars, or maybe a pack of wild dogs. What he sees instead turns his blood to ice, caught like a deer in headlights as the low-hanging shrubbery and thick vines shift and part for a rising mass of dark brown fur. The shape that rises from the underbrush is a tall, dark smudge against the blue sky, and John nearly swallows his tongue when he sees its face — or the horrifying absence of one, replaced with white, flaking skin and two huge, empty eye-sockets that are fixed on John's position.

It doesn't move. Neither does John, frozen to the spot as the chickens begin to crow and fuss. He can't fathom what he's looking at — a bear, a person, a fucking mutant? — but whatever it is, he suspects it's infected with Bliss. Who knows how many angels ended up underground after the Collapse? What might've happened to them in the years since? All John knows about them is that they're dangerous to everybody but Faith, and Faith died a decade ago. If this is an angel — God, there'll be no stopping it. And if it isn't — then what the hell is it ?

There's no way for John to get from here to the house without the thing chasing him. The hangar is blocking his brutal oncoming murder from the two people who might actually be able to do something about it. He doesn't have to look to know the distance from here to the house is insurmountable.

The creature lifts its arm, and the situation that couldn't get any worse takes an even more horrifying turn as it reveals its weapon of choice: a crudely fashioned bow, the same kind of handmade weaponry that Joseph's followers have been seen with.

All at once, Nick's voice is ringing in John's ears, warning him of what's going to happen if this gargoyle takes him away. The things John hadn't considered before — the Ryes' reputation, Carmina's safety, the hard-won trust John's gained from the survivors — it's all in jeopardy. The situation barrels into him all at once — the realization that whatever Joseph did to create this thing , he won't hesitate to turn on John.

He tries to shout a warning, but his breath is caught in his throat. Faith's voice, faint on the breeze, laughs and whispers sing-song into his ear:

They've found you!

The monster barrels down the slope of the hill as if prodded into action by a hot poker. Its gait is wide, bringing it towards John at speeds impossible to outrun. This time, John's shout comes out clear as a bell, panic screaming through him as he turns and bolts for the house. He nearly clips himself on the pen as he hangs a sharp right turn, the porch coming into full sight —

Something snags the back of John's shirt, and his momentum briefly chokes him. A thick arm bears down across his neck before he can rip free, the creature grunting in exertion as it yanks him backward. John feels his boots scrape on the dirt as he's dragged towards the trees, away from the safety that's plain in sight.

Animal instinct kicks in. John gnashes his teeth but there's nothing to bite, so he kicks out his feet instead, first in front of him and then harshly backward until he can hook his shin behind his assailant's and trip them both to the ground. The creature goes down with a surprised grunt; John does his best to roll away, only to be yanked back by his hair. He's distantly aware that he's spitting like a cat in a sack, clawing and biting, the two of them rolling in the dirt as John screams profanities and heresy at the monster trying to pin him down, anything to convince the universe to take mercy on him for once in his fucking life!

The creature manages to grab him by the shoulder, throwing him into the dirt before backhanding him violently across the face. It's enough to daze him; for one horrible second, he's unable to do anything as the monster begins to drag him across the dirt by the legs.

There's a commotion coming from the house. For a split second, the creature looks up, and John realizes his opening at the same time the monster realizes its mistake. It looks down just in time for John to kick it square in its barky, hollow-eyed face, sending a split down the wooden facade.

" John !"

The monster reels backward as if burned, grabbing at the mask as it falls away. John catches sight of a single dark, wild eye behind the broken wood before he kicks out again, sending both boots into his assailant's chest. As soon as the creature staggers back, John bolts, scrambling towards Kim as she races toward him with the rifle drawn. Nick is hot behind her; he grabs John's shoulder and drags him partway back to the house. John doesn't need the escort, and so Nick quickly leaves him to scramble up the porch as he goes after his wife.

John gets all the way to the stairs inside before he realizes there's no safe place to hide. He'd found out this winter just how flimsy the prisoner story had been; if somebody wants to take him, all they have to do is climb onto the roof and jimmy the lock on the nearest window. Whether it's through the broken window in his room or a gap in the roof leading to the attic, the Project will find him. He can't possibly outrun them forever. He'd be stupid to even try. God, he'd been a fool for thinking Joseph wouldn't send someone looking for him, that he wouldn't want to snatch John back from the clutches of apostasy. There's no way Joseph will leave a loose end like him untied.

John sinks to the bottom steps in his mounting despair, only to realize for a second time that he's being watched. The realization is less of a shock as Carmina peers at him around the kitchen archway; she jumps at the distant rapport of gunfire, staring owl-eyed at John as though she expects him to do something.

"Stay down," John hisses, setting an example as he keeps low on his way into the kitchen.

"What happened?" Carmina asks, frantic, "Is mom gonna be okay?"

"Yes," John replies, although he can't possibly know that for sure. He waits a beat, listening for more gunshots, then carefully lifts his head to check out the window when none come. He lets out the breath he'd been holding when he sees Nick standing with his hands on his hips, staring at Kim further down the yard. Whatever the danger had been, it's not pressing enough to warrant immediate action.

"Seriously," Carmina whines, as if that could hide her fear. "What was it? Was it a bear? Grace says there are bears in the woods but I've never seen —"

John sinks to the ground, his mind reeling even as the panic passes, leaving him numb. "It wasn't a bear."

Carmina chews on her lower lip, looking up towards the window as though she might try looking for herself. "Are the chickens okay?" she asks.

"They're fine," he sighs. He pushes his hair from his face, only to realize that his hands have started to tremble with run-off adrenaline.

"Are... you okay?" she asks, frowning as though she can't decide whether or not his wellbeing is her problem to deal with.

Goodwill must be genetic, John laments. "I'm fine," he tells her. She gives his shaking hands a hard look; he sighs and reiterates, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I'm not," Carmina huffs. Apparently, Nick's attempts to teach Carmina how to bluff haven't worked out.

John is saved from needing to reassure her as Nick abruptly appears in the kitchen arch, out of breath and red-faced. His shock gives way to relief at the sight of the two of them huddled by the counter. He's out of breath and visibly bewildered.

"Shit, John, you okay?"

"I'm fine," he says, although he doubts Nick will believe it any more than Carmina had. His foot jogs uselessly against the floor. "Kim — did she...?"

Nick shakes his head. "She tried," he says, "But it was too fast. What the fuck was it ?"

"Somebody from the Project."

"No shit. But — look, it wasn't an angel , was it?"

John shakes his head. "I don't know."

Kim storms into view, making her way to the pass-through from the living room side. She sets the rifle down on the counter, catching John's eye with a glare. John hurries to explain himself, as if he could possibly apologize for bringing the cult back to her doorstep.

"I was checking for foxes," he tells her, "I didn't think it — if I'd known what it was, I wouldn't have gone on my own."

Despite the fury in her eyes and the hard edge to her voice, Kim seems to mean it when she replies, "As long as nobody's hurt."

But the damage is done, and John can't help but babble on uselessly. "I wasn't looking in the right place. But I shouted as soon as I saw it. I just — couldn't outrun it. I wasn't fast enough. And I wasn't — it was stronger than I expected, stronger than..." Even he can hear the panic edging into his voice, cutting himself off with one last worried question. "Do you think it's gone?"

"It better be, if it knows what's good for it," Kim replies. "Are you sure you're okay?"

At any other time, John would be irritated to have to reassure every single Rye individually that he isn't in the throes of a panic attack. Right now, he's only grateful to realize that Kim doesn't blame him for the thing's appearance.

"I am," he says. "Thank you."

Nick groans, covering his eyes with one hand as he leans against the counter. "So much for it being safe to go out alone. Damn it, we got too comfortable."

" I got too comfortable," John says. "It wouldn't have cared about either of you."

"What about the chickens?" Carmina asks, "Are they safe there?"

Kim crosses her arms. "What I want to know is what the hell the Project is doing out here."

Her question is the only one John has any insight into, although he doesn't know how realistic his theory is. "They might be hunting deer," he says. "The only thing I saw, other than — than that , were deer tracks."

"All the way out here?" Kim asks skeptically.

"The hunting can't be any good in that swamp they're hiding in," Nick points out, frowning as he considers the idea. "And there are more survivors around the river these days. I'd bet that'd make for slim pickings."

"I doubt we'd even know they come out this far if I hadn't been the one out there. At least we've confirmed they're actively searching for resources beyond their compound — and they're relying on traditional methods to do so. Most likely because the armory was destroyed."

"Thank God for the Deputy," Nick sighs. "Okay. We're just gonna have to... I dunno, be willing to shoot, I guess." He doesn't sound so sure about it, and he quickly softens the intention. "At least a couple more warning shots. Once they remember guns outstrip arrows every way but sustainability, they'll probably keep back."

"We can push the fence-line out, too," Kim says. "It won't necessarily stop them, but at least it'll give them a line to cross. They're not cavemen — they remember property laws and how those get enforced around here."

"We'll have to start checking the traps more often. They might be living like bloodthirsty Mennonites right now, but that doesn't mean they aren't willing to steal to survive."

"They'll justify it one way or another," John sighs.

"So I guess we don't have to move the chickens after all," Nick says, "So long as we establish a perimeter. Sound good, Carmina?"

Carmina must have slipped out at some point during the conversation because she's nowhere to be found in the kitchen. Nick glances over John's head and out the window, swearing loudly.

"What the hell is she doing out there?"

John gets to his feet as Nick and Kim take off. He watches them through the window as they chase after Carmina, who's stopped to look around partway towards the coop. Either she's dumber than she seems, or she's inherited both of her parents' reckless streaks. Either way, she's going to leave herself open the same way John had. She's too confident that nobody wants to hurt her. The only way John knows how to teach that lesson, though, is not one that Kim or Nick would approve of — and so he sidelines his worries in favor of sticking with whoever is more armed than he is.

By the time John comes outside, Kim is knee-deep in the middle of a heated lecture about safety and responsibility. Carmina scowls at her feet, her face turning red as she's scolded. John ignores them, passing them by in favor of catching up with Nick, who's come to a stop a few yards past the coop. He's staring out into the unoccupied land — land that used to be his property, once. Now Nick is as much a stranger here as John is.

"Check it out," Nick says, holding out a thin, white-barked piece of wood. John takes it and recognizes it immediately as part of the mask he'd broken in two. The hole for the eye is a roughly cut gouge in the soft wood, and the bark flakes as he wipes his thumb across it.

"I hadn't even considered a mask," John admits. "I thought it was a monster."

"You and me both," Nick replies. He heaves a sigh. "Still waiting for the mutants to crawl out of the sewers, I guess. But I think we can handle a couple of jackasses with arrows."

John squints across the clearing, as if maybe his assailant has hung around waiting for them to reappear. "Next time, it might be Joseph," he points out grimly. "That hunter recognized me immediately. They'll tell him I'm here, and he'll want to find me."

"Come on. Like Joseph's gonna risk crossing enemy territory on foot. I'd be more worried about those goddamn hunting parties you used to send out."

John unconsciously reaches up to rub his throat. "Yeah," he says. "You're right. One of them clearly wasn't enough, but if Joseph decides I'm worthwhile, they'll come as a pack. If he's still manufacturing Bliss somehow, it would be easy to subdue me. And then..."

He's surprised out of his would-be reverie as Nick slaps his shoulder with a heavy hand. "We're not gonna let that happen," he says. "As long as you put up the same fight you did today, Kim and I are gonna come running."

Despite the reality of hidden archers and surprise ambushes, John allows himself to be reassured by the sentiment. At the very least, he pretends for Nick's sake. "I suppose you two were quick to the rescue," he drawls. "But if they get me to the tree-line, I'd rather you just put me down before I get dragged all the way back to the compound."

Nick chuckles. "We'll try to avoid that for now."

Looking over his shoulder, John catches Kim crouched down in front of Carmina, hands on her shoulders. Whatever she's saying, it's too quiet for John to hear, but Carmina's sniffles are a loud precursor to a lot of tears.

"I guess she believed you when you said the Project wouldn't care about us," Nick sighs. "At this rate, we're gonna have to put a bell on her."

"I could tell her about the child soldiers from the summer camp, if that would prove the gravity of the situation."

Just the mention of it makes Nick look a little queasy, and John immediately regrets bringing it up. "I don't want to scare her that badly," Nick says. "She's a good kid, she means well. She just needs to stop going off half-cocked, is all." He rubs his hand across his forehead and complains, "I thought we taught her to be smarter than this."

"She's still your kid," John says. Nick gives him a sour look, but it's the truth no matter how bitter Nick might feel about it. "You can't expect her to be utterly obedient, given her genetics."

"I guess ." He sighs, shaking his head. "At any rate, it's time we stop sugar-coating the cult for her benefit. She's obviously not taking it seriously."

John looks again and sees Kim embracing Carmina tightly. He can't help but worry about what might happen if the hunters come back. When he'd been with the Project, he'd understood Joseph's motivations — at least superficially — but now he's completely in the dark. They used to fill their ranks with abducted children and their desperate parents. He has no idea if Joseph is in a position to expand his flock, but if he is... John does not doubt that they'll start with the young and impressionable. Carmina, being young but not as impressionable as they'd like, probably wouldn't make it back to the compound before she got herself killed. He can't imagine anyone having enough patience to break her.

"You... uh, think we should be worried?" Nick asks after a brief stretch of silence.

"Not yet," John replies grimly. After all, the Ryes have a bargaining chip like no other, in case their daughter is ever taken. John can see to it that she's left alone, but it will only work once — and after that, who knows which brother will be sending hunters after her.

"Good thing we got ourselves a couple of extra guns," Nick says. "You and her are gonna have to start carrying pretty much everywhere."

"I'm sure people will love that."

"Fuck people, man, did you see the size of that fucking guy?"

John can't help a wry smile. "They weren't so big. If I were a couple of years younger, I would have taken them."

"Yeah, sure. "

The lecture must be over with for now, as Carmina's attention has turned back to her chickens. Kim watches her from a distance; John can't read her expression from here, but her posture is tense and defensive. John can't blame her — he doesn't have a parental bone in his body, but the stress of raising a child in these conditions isn't lost on him. Trying to instill a sense of fear into somebody who lived their formative years without a threat in sight can't be easy. Doubly so, considering Carmina can no doubt outgun the rudimentary weaponry the Project is utilizing. Hell, maybe they really are only a threat to him. Maybe it doesn't matter if Carmina sneaks out of the house.

"She won't leave unnoticed again," John decides, because it's the only promise he can genuinely keep.

"Oh yeah? You're gonna eat those words when she's a teenager."

"I'd hope she would be smart enough to bring back up by then."

"Me too." Nick exhales loudly enough to get Kim's attention, stretching one arm over his chest, then the other. "Well, I guess we better get started if we want to have anything to show for it by nightfall."

Even so, it takes Nick another moment before he brings himself to move. John lingers behind, unable to help himself as he eyes the trees distrustfully. There's nothing saying that hunter isn't still out there, watching them from a safe distance. If Jacob had a hand in training them, it's unlikely that John will ever see them coming again. He's likely lost the one chance at a level playing field, and he hadn't even realized it was something he could lose.

Fuck it. It doesn't matter. John has adapted time and again to every disaster in his life, and there's something to be said for the person who he's become. If this is the next catastrophe that he'll have to weather, then so be it. If he isn't capable of dealing with Joseph by now, then it's likely he never will be — and if that turns out to be the case, he can only hope that Kim is as quick on the trigger as she seemed to be today.

#far cry new dawn #fcnd #john seed #nick rye #kim rye #carmina rye #far cry fanfic #my fic #ugh tagging sucks on this site #mercyverse

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cipher-dorito · 4 years ago

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Sorry to submit this, but your asks were closed oof

Hi!! I'm sorry I didn't drop in earlier today with an animal :( I had no idea which one to send! If you have any suggestions for animals I will take them into account But I would like to remind you to drink water, eat a quick snack, take a break from your screen, and SLEEP IF IT'S THE APPROPRIATE TIME!!! As well as that, make sure to get on with any work you may have! Doesn't matter if it's homework, household chores, studying, getting back to your job. Are you procrastinating right now?? Get a move on please! It's for your own benefit. I love you, and please take care

Submitted by @insaneasgardian

____________________________________

Heyy I am sorry my asks were off! Tumblr mobile does weird shit sometimes, i have to keep manually turning them on almost every alternate day :/

Oh no worries hon, that's okay! I am so happy you dropped in my inbox :')

(also for animal suggestions, you can try mongooses, raccoons, possums and sloths! No pressure tho, okay? Don't apologise! I love your asks! Just don't take any pressure on yourself <3 )

Thank you SO much for the the self-care check point :) you're frickin amazing, okay? And the same goes for you :) take care of yourself hon. Drink water, eat well and get rest. You're awesome <3

#cipher's canister of complaints compliments and carefully contemplated comments #insaneasgardian #wholesome :)#submission

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findteenpenpals · 7 years ago

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Looking for some new friends!

Name: Emily Age: 16 Gender: Female Country: United States Sexuality: Asexual + Heteroromantic - - - Interests: Books Music Photography Engineering Video Games - - - My ideal penpal... Has a good sense of humor. Is willing to put up with my nerdy self. Is under 20 years old. I don’t care about race, gender, sexuality, etc. Tumblr: flowery-possum

#penpals #friends #submission

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argonapricot · 7 years ago

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when you REBLOG IT do ALL OF THEM

1: Name - Julia

2: Age - the number of protons in an argon atom! My favorite element! That didn’t even occur to me until just now and I am delighted.

3: 3 Fears -

1. Plane crashes

2. Dementia

3. Bad things happening to pets

4: 3 things I love -

1. elves

2. Dvorak

3. making fun of you

5: 4 turns on

1. Linguistics

2. The end credit music from Attack of the Clones

3. Girls

4. Chord resolutions

6: 4 turns off

1. Sex

2. Existentialism

3. Depression

4. Logistical complications

7: My best friend - three of alex in a trenchcoat

8: Sexual orientation - homosexualism

9: My best first date - I’ve only had one! Unless you count Mackenzie Week which wow I sure don’t yikes

But yeah, the actual first date was cute af we were adorable and drenched

10: How tall am I - not tall enough

11: What do I miss - so much all the time, god. Having it be a normal and socially accessible activity to play pretend when you hang out with friends. Having a girlfriend, lol. Playing outside in the yard, my brother being a tiny little puffball. Being an impressive child. So many childhood things actually I’m an enormous sap. Not being depressed?

12: What time was I born - 7:02 in the evening, I think

13: Favorite color - poorple

14: Do I have a crush - um i have like 7 I’m bad at getting over people

15: Favorite quote - “the answer is six” - alex, that one time the answer wasn’t six

16: Favorite place - it’s a secret!

17: Favorite food - academic vigor

18: Do I use sarcasm - no of course not

19: What am I listening to right now - the clock trying to guilt me from across the room

20: First thing I notice in new person - whether or not they are painted green

21: Shoe size - 9/12

22: Eye color - Brown! Maybe like ¼ hazel

23: Hair color - also brown! It gets lighter in the summer, the sun bleaches it a bit.

24: Favorite style of clothing - gay

25: Ever done a prank call? - I used to prank call Clarissa every time I called her in like middle school, but it was always super obvious that it was me I think

27: Meaning behind my URL - my favorite element, paired with a handy dandy alliteration fruit that I enjoy

28: Favorite movie - Alex making a fool of herself

jk it’s I guess Lord of the Rings but I’m honestly so bad with favorites especially movies

29: Favorite song - I’ve been listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash a LOT lately, for fictional angst purposes and also it’s just a really good song

30: Favorite band - the Grady Knights Philharmonic

31: How I feel right now - sad that I’m only on number 31

32: Someone I love - Lee Pope

33: My current relationship status - so single you don’t even know

34: My relationship with my parents - good! I have great parents they are great!

35: Favorite holiday - I’ve only actually been to a Tu b’shvat seder once, but it was so incredibly rad and it’s a good holiday I approve of it.

36: Tattoos and piercing i have - none

37: Tattoos and piercing i want - none?

38: The reason I joined Tumblr - to get in on that sweet pjo fandom action

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? nah bro @alphaj8de hi five

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - I exchange “goodnights” with someone if we end a conversation by going to bed?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - quite possibly!

42: When did I last hold hands? - I hold hands with Tolkien every day of my life

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - Depends on how slowly I get out of bed

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? - yeah

45: Where am I right now? - on a couch

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? - fanfiction, probably, since all of my good caring friends are Leaving me to go to Party College, or alternatively Very Far Away And Stupidly Cold Stupid College

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - I like my music neurotically soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - for the next like two months

49: Am I excited for anything? - college! Hannah’s lake house! garbage on the internet!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - I rarely tell Everything to anyone

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? - I suck at fake smiles, and can only maintain them (when called for) in three-second bursts

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? - I hugged Benjamin earlier today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? - I would stand there like a tool.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? - YEAH @cognitivelyagitated I can’t believe you took advantage of my eighth grade self like that and I can’t believe my eighth grade self was that stupid.

55: What is something I disliked about today? - Discord crashed and my online friend was not online.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - *mumblemumble*

57: What do I think about most? - characters doing Things

58: What’s my strangest talent? - I have the power to make sleeping possums knit

59: Do I have any strange phobias? - macaroni and cheese, also certain noises that make me flip out and cringe

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - I can go both ways!

61: What was the last lie I told? - the answer to that sarcasm question

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - what is communication

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - I don’t devote a lot of energy into having opinions on ghosts or aliens one way or the other.

64: Do I believe in magic? - sometimes

65: Do I believe in luck? - I mean luck is just the concept that sometimes good things happen and sometimes they don’t? So yeah, the experimental probability of good things that happen is a thing.

66: What’s the weather like right now? - hot and humid

67: What was the last book I’ve read? - I’m in the middle of like four books right now, the last one I finished was I think A Conjuring Of Light? In the shades of magic trilogy, which was hype.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? - no!

69: Do I have any nicknames? - julesliaia

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? - I broke my arm in seventh grade

71: Do I spend money or save it? - both!

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? - no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? - there are some pink things visible on the screen where this is being typed?

74: Favorite animal? - I like all kinds of cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - watching Episode 3 of IDOL Drama Operation Team

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? - why would he have a last name

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - I can’t think of the best answer right now

78: How can you win my heart? - elf appreciation

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? - my name would be nice

80: What is my favorite word? - right now, sepulchral

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr - I don’t really rate tumblrs!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - stop! being stupid! stop being mean! Help the planet and also other people! I don’t know

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? - no

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? - being able to sing well would be nice

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - are you spending your time responsibly?

86: What is my current desktop picture? - Yosemite

87: Had sex? - y

88: Bought condoms? - n

89: Gotten pregnant? - n

90: Failed a class? - n

91: Kissed a boy? - n

92: Kissed a girl? - y

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? - I think so, yeah

94: Had job? - y

95: Left the house without my wallet? - y

96: Bullied someone on the internet? - n

97: Had sex in public? - nah that’s your gig

98: Played on a sports team? - I was a part of the Lucky Clovers soccer team in like 1st and 2nd grade

99: Smoked weed? - n

100: Did drugs? - n

101: Smoked cigarettes? - n

102: Drank alcohol? - some! on special occasions

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - n

104: Been overweight? - n

105: Been underweight? - n

106: Been to a wedding? - Yeah, a couple!

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? - ………..probably on some late nights, but that’s terrible and I feel ashamed and sad

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? - n

109: Been outside my home country? - twice! Once to Spain and once to Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? - There have been a couple instances of vague heart breakage idk

111: Been to a professional sports game? - during TIP camps, yes

112: Broken a bone? - y

114: Been to prom? - I was busy Killing It at Carnegie Hall

115: Been in airplane? - y

116: Fly by helicopter? - n

117: What concerts have I been to? - @queer-sighted took me to a Fall Out Boy concert two summers ago, which was lots of fun! I’ve been to a lot of ASO concerts that Mom gets tickets to for producing the show, and a bunch of other classical music occasions, and some concerts that I’ve played!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? - yeah. like. a Lot.

119: Learned another language? - I learned some okay French

120: Wore make up? - y

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? - y but virginity is dumb

122: Had oral sex? - y

123: Dyed my hair? - n

124: Voted in a presidential election? - I was too young!

125: Rode in an ambulance? - n

126: Had a surgery? - yeah, on my foot in second grade

127: Met someone famous? - my crush met Selena Gomez does that count

128: Stalked someone on a social network? - only a tiny bit

129: Peed outside? - of course

130: Been fishing? - I’ve stood near some people who were fishing sometimes

131: Helped with charity? - I’ve worked on a lot of tikkun olam projects? And volunteered places? And donated tzeddakah? I don’t know what specifically constitutes charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? - only very indirectly I have the forthcoming romantic initiative of a slug

133: Broken a mirror? - no

134: What do I want for birthday? - ummmm books and mamamoo I guess? Maybe a new tablet

#long post #ask meme thing #alkaline earth muses

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vrenaewrites · 6 years ago

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Songs of Accidental Evils: Part 1.

Last year, I did a series on this blog where I talked about the playlist behind my first book, CIVIL BLOOD. I got a lot of good feedback from that and people overwhelmingly wanted me to do it again for the sequel, ACCIDENTAL EVILS. This book has a much darker tone, and its playlist was easily split into three parts: the general vibe of the book, songs related to River (the male MC), and songs related to Fina (the female MC).

In no particular order, these are the general vibe songs. If you don’t care for an explanation and just wanna hear the songs, here’s a link to the part 1 playlist!

1. Staring at the Sun – TV On the Radio.

This is one of my favorite songs point blank, period. The image of staring into the sun, in the ocean, with the water coming up to your neck, is so haunting to me. Especially because there’s a lot of talk about drowning in this book. Without spoilers, the line “note the trees because the dirt is temporary” is my favorite line (it was my tumblr bio when I was in high school) and hugely influential to a major plot crumb I drop in this book for book 3.

2. Born To Die – Lana Del Rey.

A perfect song to be depressed to. “Sometimes Love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don’t know why.” This is such a perfect representation of how the relationship in both River and Fina’s families start to break down due to the trauma both of them face.

3. Sail – Awolnation.

This song, despite its meme potential, is haunting. It reminds me of being abducted by aliens, largely because of its music video but also because of the sonic surges of sound. There’s alien motifs in AE, but also the idea of loss of identity - as if you’ve been abducted and replaced - is prevalent throughout.

4. Rolling In the Deep – John Legend.

“The scars of your love remind me of us, they keep me thinking that we almost had it all.” “You’ll pay me back in kind and reap just what you’ve sown, you’re gonna wish you never had met me.” You could hear this from either perspective and it would make sense, depending on who you direct it towards. And the John Legend acapella version is just superior, sorry.

5. Push – Matchbox Twenty.

A song about using people and not feeling bad about it because you yourself have been used. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me, and I feel like something’s gonna give, and I’m a little bit angry.” There’s a lot of anger in this book. And this song is angry enough for everyone.

6. Blow it All Away – Sia.

This was the first song on the first ever playlist for a CIVIL BLOOD sequel. Before Sia blew up, this and Breathe Me were her only songs people really knew. “Where there’s ice to be found, the seed lies underground.” This song is full of bitterness and darkness. Just like this book.

7. My Mistakes Were Made For You – The Last Shadow Puppets.

“Around your crooked conscience she will wind. And it’s a lot to ask her not to sting, and give her less than everything, innocence and arrogance intwined, in the filthiest of minds.” This song is about a wicked girl who turns a good man to bad things. There’s a lot of that thinking going around in this book.

8. White Blank Page - Mumford and Sons.

“A white blank page, and a swelling rage. You did not think when you sent me to the brink. You desired my attention but denied my affection.” This is a song I like to call...the After song. Spoilers if I say any more than that. But yes. The After.

9. Ghost - Halsey.

There’s a lot of ghost metaphor happening around this book, specifically around the rock in Possum Lake. Lots of ghosts of could bes. “I’m searching for something that I can’t reach.”

10. Holly – Sleigh Bells.

“Wasted all day killing all the Capulets.” “Never need to ask, we’ll tell you who’s boss.” Sleigh Bells sleigh my life (lol get it.)

11. XO - Fall Out Boy.

A song about a love gone real, real wrong. A song full of regret and fury and self-hate. “I hoped you choked and crashed your car.” “I left my conscience pressed between the pages of the Bible in the drawer, what did it ever do for me?”

12. Honey - The Hush Sound.

“You’ve got a dark heart. You’ve got a cold kiss.” “You always let me down.” This is a song about being fed up with someone who you used to love.

13. Molasses - The Hush Sound.

This, to me, is a song about revenge. About darkness hunting someone down and all the optimism being slowly crushed out of them. “Today, there is a cold moon rising and you wanted something better but tonight, you know you’ll never find it.”

14. Something From Nothing - Foo Fighters.

Fury. Pure fury. Imagery of fire, rivers, blood. Complete annihilation. “But in the end we all, come from what’s come before” is a huge plot point.

15. Hemorrhage – Fuel.

“Tread the waters til the depths give up their dead. What did you expect to find? Was it something you left behind?” The feeling of being forgotten, and trying to forget yourself, only to be reminded in the worst way at the worst times.

16. Green Light - Lorde.

“I do my makeup in somebody else’s car” reminds me of Sparrow and the way she and River drift apart during some of this book. “Well those rumors they have big teeth, hope they bite you. Thought you said that you would always be in love, but you’re not in love no more.” Is a back and forth in my mind between two characters. (Spoilers if I say who)

17. Shutter Island - Jessie Reyez.

The sarcasm and bite in this song is so good. A perfect song to descend into madness with. “Goodness gracious, you’re amazing. According to you I’m a lucky lady.”

18. Somebody That I Used to Know (acapella) - Gotye ft. Kimbra.

Ten years after its release and I still cry every single time I hear this song. It’s just plain sad. And acapella, the harmonies knock me off my feet every time. “You didn’t have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing. And I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and it feels so rough.”

19. February Stars - Foo Fighters.

A song about barely being okay, but being okay nonetheless. “You ask for walls, I’ll build them higher. We’ll lie in the shadows of them all. I’d stand but they’re much too tall.”

20. Unknown Song - Milky Chance.

“Your friends are gonna know, you’re fucked up by yourself. They’ll leave you all alone, and now you’re on your own.” When people who have never been alone are forced to be alone, you learn a lot about them. And that’s all I’ll say on that.

21. Hash Pipe - Weezer.

Just an aggressive song for an aggressive book.

22. Honestly (Encore) - Gabbie Hanna.

Woof this whole song 1:32 of angry. I can’t even pick one lyric, but the opening is gold: “Cross my heart and hope to die you never cross my fucking mind.”

23. 3:16am - Jhene Aiko.

This song breaks my heart. Her sweet little voice kills me. “I do not feel the fear of falling, thought I could fly. It didn’t go well, but oh well. And what do you know? I’m right back where I was before.”

24. When Doves Cry (Cover) - Diamond White.

Do I have to explain why this song is on here? The lyrics are gut-wrenching and Diamond’s slowed down vocals over an orchestral track are unreal.

25. Blue Monday (Cover) - Hannah Peel.

“How does it feel to treat me like you do? When you laid your hands upon me, and told me who you are?” Spoilers.

26. Debaser - The Pixies.

When Bernardo and Sparrow are in the car in the beginning of Act I, and when Sparrow and River are in the car at the end of Act I, this is the song playing. Bernardo loves The Pixies.

#fiction writer #writers blog #writers of tumblr #am writing #writer woes #writers be like #ya fiction #ya paranormal #ya thriller #young adult #playlist #writing playlist #thistlewolf #civil blood #accidental evils

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edgepunk · 3 years ago

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Firefox Extensions/Addons Rec List

Since a lot of people seem to be finally switching to Firefox, which is much safer than Chrome, I decided to compile a list of my go-to extensions. Most of them are privacy based. Note that you may need to disable some of them on certain websites, because they tend to block scripts needed for the site to function (they’re relatively safe), specifically Privacy Badger does this and I had to disable it a few times. It’s not a big deal, though.

First and foremost, you need Ublock Origin, not AdBlock, AdBlock has been known to sell your information in the last couple of years. Get Ublock Origin.

Another one is DuckDuck Go as an alternative to Google search for safer browsing. I admit, I still use Google, because sometimes DDG searches for irrelevant stuff. It’s getting better though.

Cookie AutoDelete - “Control your cookies! This WebExtension is inspired by Self Destructing Cookies. When a tab closes, any cookies not being used are automatically deleted. Keep the ones you trust (forever/until restart) while deleting the rest. Containers Supported.“

Decentraleyes - “ Protects you against tracking through "free", centralized, content delivery. It prevents a lot of requests from reaching networks like Google Hosted Libraries, and serves local files to keep sites from breaking. Complements regular content blockers.”

This is for EU users, so this is optional - I Don’t Care About Cookies. It basically “confirms” those annoying Cookie pop ups. You might wanna disable it for some websites, it tends to be laggy here on tumblr.

Don’t Track Me Google - “This addon removes Google's link-conversion/tracking feature. This speeds up loading search results and allows you to normally copy links.“

Facebook Container - if you’re required to use FB like me because of uni, then this makes using FB much safer and blocks any unwanted tracking algorithms. It should be built-in Firefox, but just in case putting it here.

Privacy Badger - “ Privacy Badger automatically learns to block invisible trackers. Instead of keeping lists of what to block, Privacy Badger automatically discovers trackers based on their behavior.”

Privacy Possum - “ Privacy Possum monkey wrenches common commercial tracking methods by reducing and falsifying the data gathered by tracking companies.”

And for those who are annoyed by webp files, then you can get Don’t Accept Image/Webp and WebP/Avif Image Converter. I’m using both, because sometimes the first one doesn’t automatically convert webp images, the second addon allows you to do it manually by right clicking on an image and then typing your preferred image file (.png .jpeg etc)

#firefox #ref #rec list

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clatteriing · 7 years ago

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MAY 2017 INSPIRATIONS

The Soucouyant “in Eastern Caribbean folklore is a malignant witch believed to shed her skin by night and suck the blood of her victims.” You can read about the soucouyant here.

Night in the Woods is a video game developed by Infinite Fall, about college drop out Mae who was returned to her home town of Possum Springs to discover that something strange is happening. Monthly music and entertainment magazine Paste has described the themes of Night in the Woods as “mental illness, depression, the stagnancy of the middle and lower classes, and the slow death of small town America.” You can download Night in the Woods to play for yourself from the NITW website.

Would You Be So Kind? Live is an alternate version of YouTube musician Dodie Clarke’s original song Would You Be So Kind?, performed by herself and many fellow YouTube musicians and entertainers.

Margot Terc who can be found here on tumblr @margot-terc is a creator of zines, collages, and videos - that can be found on her vimeo - who describes her own work as being “focused on self-care, creative resistance, and the waves that come and go.”

The Wolf is a song by SIAMÉS accompanied by an animated music video directed by Fer Suniga and Rudo Co. Warning: Rudo Co.’s website features harsh colours and flashing lights.

I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service, I Have Some Stories to Tell is a collection of short horror stories told by a member of the US Forest Service who works for an undisclosed American park, something akin to Yellowstone. The stories are available to read on Reddit’s sub-forum for horror /nosleep.

The monthly Clatteriing Inspirations are a collection of creative media, content, facts, prompts and more that are accumulated over the month’s course and posted near the end of each month. If you would like to help contribute to next month’s Inspirations, please message @clatteriing or the curator @intheroomwhereyousleep with your own inspirations.

#insp #inspiration

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toddmichaelrogers · 8 years ago

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Letter to You

My hair is teal, or azure. Some faded greenish blue. It is the type of color that if I were to say these words aloud during some sort of rally, no doubt someone would shout “surf green!” to correct me.

I am writing to you before I begin the day’s work on The Novel. I need to warm up. Coffee (iced) & a bagel (cream cheese/peanut butter) are generally the instruments I use to begin the ritual. But today it is words, and perhaps you will read them.

I have a podcast (I hate it) I have a Twitter (most helpful) an Instagram, Tumblr, & not-so-public Facebook (I am possessed with self obsession). And I have other means to talk, I can scrawl the glyphs of my importance across an entire web of screens read by low-light scumbags (present company excluded). But it all started here, writing letters to you. And after years of struggle against the growth of we-are-cyber-fucked platforms, I think I am beginning to understand my place in this domain.

Imagine a hallway. In the hallways are doors. They all look the same, but each leads to somewhere else.

Last year I locked myself away from my friends. Even if they came over to the house (rarely, as I did not invite them) or if I saw them at a bar (rarely, as I often declined invitation). And then I changed my name, and sunk into another realm; it was the same place that everyone else was. All my friends, and all my stuff. Our dog and my car with it’s late payments. But in my version of the world everything had a thick sheet laid on top of it. To keep the dust off, to muffle the sounds of reality and keep everything safe. It doesn’t really matter why, or that I did not see the fabric draped until I was done with it. Everything was hidden, and therefore so was I. And in that time I made things. Some of it was art. Most of it was myself. I practiced using my new name and found only baby legs beneath me.

My life is working two jobs and sending out as many packages as possible until there are none left to send.

I was leaving to get food. It’s a problem I have. I leave to find food instead of making it. This problem is a relatively expensive one to have. At least for me. I rarely eat at home, and when I do it’s nothing anyone would be likely to enjoy. I am working on it.

But I was leaving to get food. And I stopped just a street away. My path was blocked by a large opossum (I call them possums, most people do, but that’s wrong; they are opossums). This one refused to move, which is not the sort of giant rodent behavior I am used to. I put my flashers on (they are called hazard lights, but I call them flashers), and then I got out of the car to look at the creature. It was big. Bigger than you can think about right now. It’s face was covered in blood, and it was whimpering and hissing. I got real close to it. Maybe it was the fur, the same color as our dog who nearly died last month, or the fact I had just turned a year closer to death, my birthday had only been last week. But I got right up to it, and used objects from the trunk of my car to help it our of the road. Then I followed it and called my wife from the middle of the road for no reason.

I spent the last couple of weeks jamming the fuck out of as many projects as I could. I finished three chapters of The Novel in record time (they are rough, but finished until I can get back to them), and then I changed the name of the book. That’s a pretty big deal, but I just did it on a whim. I think sometimes that’s important. If it feels right, do it.

My biggest thing lately has been trying to remember a sort of mantra. Here it is: nothing is precious. And it’s true. The minute I get stuck is when i forget that shit. It happened for months and chapters at a time last year, and I’m determined to remember my own advice during the rest of the year. The project. My life.

I will forget. I always do.

The secret behind how to do something is always lost in the doing of it. But repeating the words in my head whenever I can helps me to stave off the next loss of plans.

For me, what the mantra kind of means is: yes, it is important to think through what you’re doing, and be careful (in my case, a white male, with no small amount of both curses and privilege) to be fucking mindful of what you're writing. But it also means that, if you don’t take chances and just write the shit that comes out of your head--it just ain’t gonna be any good.

I don’t often talk about the story as I’m writing it, but for the sake of instance:

I have a chapter that takes place in a world of darkness; in this world is an almost labyrinth of floating asteroids, and glowing insects that fly through the maze of them. And when the chapter begins, three of the protagonists are falling through the dark. One of them has a stone in his hand that glows with a magical light to cut through the dark, and when he sees an asteroid floating below him, the size of it reminds him of a dinner table, and then he starts to think about all the holidays spent with his distant and now lost siblings.

I did not plan the whole dinner table aspect. It just sort of happened when I was thinking about how to describe the size of the asteroid to the reader. And as I remembered (for once) that nothing is precious...I allowed myself to type whatever came next.

The unplanned moment did two really important things: one set up some heavy foreshadowing while giving us more of an emotional insight to the character’s past, and two (more importantly) made the fall through the sky take longer. Like physically, it takes longer on the page; it forces the reader to not only experience what is happening, but give them a moment to let it settle in.

When I started writing fiction it was comic book scripts (and screenplays too, but they were terrible, and I don’t often like to remember it). Both were a really good way to start writing things. You got all the important information, nothing extra, and a few directions for the artist or director. It took me a really long time to shift from that format into honest, readable prose.

And that’s another secret that I often forget: writing prose is just the act of putting together words, strings and blocks of words that all flow together, and allow the reader to follow what is happening, and lose themselves in the following. And that’s all. It’s that simple. It’s that hard.

When I have not been writing I have been finishing the design of Spell Saga DECK 1.5: The Under Sky. It is now a thing. It lives. I am happy to report that it is playable, and (I hope) enjoyable.

My next step was to play through the deck, and visit the most inhospitable area of The Highlands. It was the first time anyone had ever ventured this far into that world, and what I found was interesting, though filled with more than enough problems to fix. Is it fun? Is it necessary? Is it boring, or too hard? I took notes. Lots of them. Now all that’s left is the thinking, and the remaking, to get it finished enough for everyone else around the world to enjoy. It is a lot of pressure. Nothing is special, but it is hard to remember this advice when the thing you are making feels special to you.

Speaking of that, EFFORTS is about to finish our first EP. If I were to hazard a guess, we’ll have all three songs tracked this week, with finished touches and mastering sometime in April. Then we have to decide when to release it. Probably during a show.

We played our second gig last week and...let’s just say I would like the chance to play a better show. Though I did enjoy making being in a dive bar with fake blood all over my mouth.

I dreamed last night that I was eating my favorite candies from a plastic garbage bag. With bite I cried with an orgasm. I have not smoked in over a week. I have not drank since pouring a bottle down a drain for the second time in my memory. I awoke as I do every morning now, eyes wide open with the sting of some sort of nitro-pollen.

-mE.

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