#Is cube steak any good?

[clatterbane]

We still had ground beef-and-pork mixture in the fridge that needed used up, so tonight I decided to turn out a more Swedish-style meatloaf for a change.

Here it is about to go in the oven. (I do like to make a little indentation in the middle, for hopefully more even cooking.)

A.k.a., lazy meatballs. Because you use the same kind of meat mixture and usually sauce. It just gets baked as a loaf instead. You can do basically the same thing for hamburger steaks or cabbage rolls too. Tonight we're getting meatloaf.

I'm more used to a tomato-heavy meatloaf flavor approach, and this is actually my first time making it this way. The idea is certainly sound enough.

One decent-looking recipe in English (if on the more complicated side):

Note: This WILL make a very wet, soft mixture that you'll want to let rest in the fridge while the oven heats up, before trying to shape it in your pan. Disposable gloves may be your best friend through this whole process.

The base recipe I went for was one that uses oatmeal and a little potato/cornstarch instead of breadcrumbs, because it's an easy and cheap GF option that I like to use for meatloaf anyway. Also raw finely chopped onion, instead of any precooking on that. Being the person I am, I used buttermilk for part of the milk to soak the oatmeal or crumbs with. I went mostly in the direction of a little thyme and marjoram for seasoning, plus some Vegeta for extra umami yum. Ours did NOT get any Dijon, because I totally forgot to put it in. That does seem pretty standard, though. Don't think we'll really miss the flavor, it has enough other seasonings.

Another simple English recipe for the kind of gravy you're looking for, btw:

This will be getting some slightly degreased pan drippings, corn or potato starch thickening, and some Knorr beef bouillon cube. Also more of the thyme-and-marjoram herbing approach.

Planned to go with it: instant mashed potatoes (which are actually surprisingly decent here), and my own Swedabilly fusion take on pressgurka. I.e., the usual marinated sliced cucumber and onion I like to make with cider vinegar, but with some dill thrown in. I like a little pepper too.

I would normally go for at least one cooked vegetable with meatloaf and mashed potatoes, but hey. Saves me messing around with another hot dish.

That meatloaf is certainly starting to smell good baking.

[braveclementine]

Chapter 11

Warnings: None. (Will however be a 18+ reader book)

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own a few OCs like Elizabeth, Katherine, Stacy, and Jessie. I do not condone any copying of this.

Clint had pouted the entire time you made dinner, while you tried your hardest not to laugh at his reactions. While in reality, neither he nor Sam actually had a problem eating chicken or turkey when it came time to eat, they loved complaining about eating bird, and everyone liked to tease them on it.

Of course, while you were cooking about eighty hot chicken wings in the multiple ovens that Tony had in the kitchen, that wasn't all you were cooking.

In another oven, you were warming up several loaves of sourdough bread. On the stoves, you had a few steaks cooking with canned mushrooms, letting everything sear together.

You also had a large pot of greenbeans cooking, along with corn and pork and beans. You opened up a few cans of black olives to put in another bowl and stuck that in the refrigerator to cool. You also made a bowl of banana peppers as well.

You had white rice in a cooker, set on a timer.

Then you made homemade mashed potatoes, using a paring knife to cut off the skin of the potatoes, before cutting them into cubes, sticking them in a pot of water, and boiling them.

As everything started to near to the 'finish' stage of cooking, Clint told FRIDAY to let the others know that dinner was almost ready.

You pulled the hot wings out of the oven, slowly transferring them to plates, stacking them precariously so they looked neat. Clint helped carry out the trays to the table that you were using as a 'buffet bar'. You were all still eating in the living room as there were so many people.

Clint also started taking out the bowl of greenbeans, corn, pork and beans, black olives, banana peppers, and pickled beets while you started to put the steak and mushrooms on another plate. While Clint took care of that plate and also started to pull the sourdough loaves out of the other oven, you grabbed a yellow strainer and started to work on your mashed potatoes.

You strained the potato chunks so that there was no more water before putting them back in the now empty pan. Grabbing sour cream, milk, and butter, you added two dollaps of sour cream and three pads of butter before grabbing the masher and started mixing everything around.

Growing up taking care of your sister meant that you knew how to cook meals, big and small. In fact, you actually took pleasure in working in the kitchen, watching your meals become complete, and then feeling satisfaction in how everyone enjoyed your food. Cooking wasn't a chore, it was a hobby. Especially when it came to dinners and dessert. Breakfast was fun as well, but lunch was harder to get some creative ideas.

You added just a dash of salt and pepper to the mashed potatoes that were starting to come together and looking very creamy, adding another pad of butter and another small scoop of sour cream, mixing it once again.

After that tasted test, you decided it was perfect- you hadn't even needed to add milk- and you quickly scooped all of the mashed potatoes from the pot into the bowl.

Clint had also put a milk jug and a water pitcher out on the table.

Those who weren't invested in the search for Bucky like the Guardians, the Wakandans, and the Asgardians were the first to arrive, grabbing plates and heading out to eat.

"Most of them won't come up to eat, will they?" You asked as you nibbled on a piece of sourdough bread. It was the only safe choice with your stomach so upset over Bucky's loss.

"Some of them will. Sam will probably be up soon, even if it's to just take some food back down for Steve. And Stephen will make sure Tony eats." Clint said as he put a piece of steak on his plate, trying to scrape the mushrooms off.

"Oi, picky bird, eat the mushrooms." You scolded. "Believe me, they tasted really good since they've been cooked in the steak juice. It adds to the flavor."

"Alright pretty mama." Clint sighed, putting a few mushrooms on his plate.

You smiled a little at the nickname before the door opened. T'Challa, Loki, Fury, Rhodey, Sam, Thor, and Tony came through the doors.

"Anything?" You asked immediately.

"FRIDAY hasn't found any facial matches." Tony explained, picking up a piece of bread and tossing it from hand to hand instead of eating it. "Which might meant that he's somewhere remote. Stephen is headed back to the Sanctorum to see if he can find Clint in the climate portals."

"Pietro and Makkari called in." Fury said as he loaded his plate with steak and several vegetables. "Neither of them have found anything, so they're doing a slightly slower search. Makkari apparently has some friends she's going to attempt to contact and see if they have found anything."

You nodded. You wanted to ask about the wedding plans and if they were being postponed or what, but you were afraid that it would sound insensitive to ask, like you were more concerned about whether or not you could get married instead of about Bucky.

Luckily, Rhodey said, "If we haven't found Bucky within the next day, the wedding ceremony will be postponed. We just can't do it without him."

You nodded, "Okay. Thank you for letting me know."

Like predicted, Sam took two plates down with him while the rest of us ate here. It took some coaxing for Tony to eat, but eventually he did start to eat.

Loki and T'Challa each sat on either side of me. They could tell that I was feeling out of it. Loki was telling me humorous stories about his childhood. How there was a time when he made a snake for Thor to pick up so that it would bite him. Or the time that he used magic to make all of the warriors in training become naked while they were being presented in front of the King.

Okay, so they were terrible stories, but the way that he told them made you laugh so hard. Meanwhile, T'Challa had this look of utmost horror on his face, contrasting with Clint's amused expression which made everything five times better.

"Okay, but why would you pick up a snake?" You asked Thor after Loki had finished the story. "They're. . . eugh."

Thor let out a booming laugh, "I love snakes! They're so cute!"

"No wonder you love your brother so much." Clint quipped.

You giggled as Loki rolled his eyes. Even Fury let out a cough that should've been a laugh.

"Yes, a very cute snake." You said, lips quivering as you tried not to laugh again.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Careful My Queen."

But once the light mood settled down, you were back to thinking about Bucky and then a horrible thought struck you. "What if HYDRA got him again?"

They all looked at you.

"What if, the reason we can't find him on camera, is because Mordo sent him straight to a HYDRA base?" You finished.

Fury and Tony exchanged a look before they were moving for the door, supposedly to go back to the main room.

"Excellent thinking Y/N." Clint said, nodding thoughtfully. "Let me see where Nat and Bruce are. Maybe we should get the original HYDRA killing team together. Thor, you coming?"

"I should see if I can be of some assistance." Rhodey said, kissing your forehead before following them out.

Shuri called out for her brother. T'Challa squeezed your hand before getting up to move over to the other Wakandans.

You sighed. "Sometimes, I wish we were in the Wizarding World. They we could do a locator spell."

"I have no idea what that is." Loki said.

"Haven't you watched Harry Potter?"

"Not to the extent that I know what a locator spell is." He responded.

"There's basically a spell for everything in that world." You sighed. "Oh well. I think I'm going to go upstairs and see if I can't sleep. It might do me some good and it'll pass the time quicker. I'll see you tomorrow." You kissed Loki's cheek before standing up.

You paused only for a moment to put your dishes in the sink, filling up the sink with soapy water. One of Tony's housekeepers would probably do the dishes later. Or Loki would finish them with a flick of his hand. Depended on how charitable he felt.

You moved out of the kitchen to go out into the hallway, taking the elevator up to the floor that Bucky, Steve, Sam, Nat, and Bruce all lived on. You were hoping to find something in order to make Steve and Sam feel better.

You walked down to the bedroom the three of them shared before opening up the door. Flipping on the light switch, you jumped backwards as an unconscious figure laying on the large King bed startled you.

Who the hell?

You took a few careful steps forward before realizing that you recognized the male profile.

Bucky.

"FRIDAY, please alert the team that Bucky is in Steve's room." You said, relief flooding through you.

You quickly stood over Bucky, leaning over to shake his shoulder. He didn't stir. For one horrible moment, you thought he might be dead. Then he rolled over of his own accord, mumbling under his breath.

You sighed, shaking his shoulder again, "Bucky, come on wake up. Buck, wake up." He just snorted and you finally gave another shake, "BUCKY WAKE UP!"

He gave a start, leaping out of the bed. You nearly tripped backwards over your own feet as you were startled from the sudden movement.

He reached out and you sighed in content that he would be fine.

That is, until his metal hand closed around your throat, lifting you off your feet a few inches off the ground.

⬅️➡️

[alternativegirl23]

Deal With The Devil- Finale

To anyone that was waiting for this, Im sorry it took so long. This was my first time writing smut and my first time writing anything in years. Im well beyond rusty but hope to improve. Also sorry if how the writing gets uploaded is weird. Still figuring stuff out on here. I hope the wait was worth it. Reblogs, likes, comments are appreciated.

Weeks had passed, then several months. You only hoped everything was running smoothly for both parties. You'd work at your desk job during the week, then go home to wait for Lee whenever he'd drop by. Parents were still being a bit too overbearing, even at your age. They should've let you be more of your own person at thirty.

      As their only child, that was hard for them. So you found your freedom where you could. Early one evening, you heard Lee's distinct knock at the door. He calmly walked into the dining room, you following behind him. He dropped the manila envelope down carelessly on the table. 

 "Just in case you thought I was lying", he said. You shook your head, a confused look on your face.

"I dont know why you think I would", you said. Lee opened the envelope to show you the papers, signed by him and his ex wife. "It was amicable. I was the only one to sign the lease of the house. So I helped her find a two bedroom apartment a few towns over". You nodded. 

      He took the papers back to his car and placed them in the glove box. The night came and went in somewhat of a blur. You tried your hand at making moms mashed potatoes from scratch. Following her recipe for cube steak and green beans from a can. Everyone ate plenty and proceeded to do their own thing. 

      Your parents, ever typical, watched TV in the living room. Lee joined them for a little while before heading up the stairs to take a shower. You followed a few minutes after, saying you were too tired to stay up late. "Okay, thats fine cutiepie", mom said cheerily. You recoiled slightly at the name she used for you as a child for so long.

      The bathroom door ajar, the shower beginning letting steam and warmth waft out steadily. You shivered slightly at the difference in temperature. Before heading to your room, you heard Lee yell "Hey hon. I think I left a shirt in my bag. Can you get it for me?" You called out a yes in response.

      Rummaging through his bag, you pulled out a clean black teeshirt. Handing it to him as you opened the door more. Only a towel wrapped around his middle. He gave a smug smirk, as if sensing the heat coursing through you. Holding it out for him, he slowly saunters the few feet to take it from you. 

     "Thank you gorgeous", with a little wink. You forget you're in a long sleep shirt, the tops of your thighs peeking out and giving him a good glimpse of more skin. He notices your face just then, eyes slightly glazed over.

"Your starin' sweetheart", he drawls. His body is only inches from yours now. You shake your head to clear your thoughts. 

      "Sorry, I didnt mean to" you admit sheepishly. 

"S'aright. I like your attention", he counters. He slowly traces a hand up your thigh, your eyes closing a little at his touch. "I should get some sleep", you say in a whisper. Lee's hands move quickly to your ass to give a firm squeeze before you protest any further. 

   "You know where ta find me", he whispered. Placing the lightest kiss on your neck. He gave one last lingering touch before hoping in the shower. You entered your room and closed the door.

    Three hours later and you still couldnt sleep, its now midnight. Your mind wandered to Lee and all the attention he's given you, no matter how small the gesture. I wonder what he looks like when he strokes his cock. Do his eyes roll in his head when he strokes it? Does he ever imagine its me? 

      What does he feel like? Hands having a mind of their own, they traveled down to your panties to slowly start to tease your clit. It didnt take any time for you to become wet, all your focus being on Lee. You tried being quiet, covering your mouth with your hand.

      You attempted to bring yourself to the edge. But just as you were almost there, something in your mind told you to stop. The quiet seemed too quiet. The darkness concealed everything within your bedroom. You were almost blind as a bat and could hardly see anything. 

      But your intuition still told you something or someone was there. You heard him before you saw his shadowy figure. A black outline resting casually in the outline of a door in the corner of your room that lead to your bathroom. 

      “Dont let me stop ya darlin’. You thinkin’ bout me”, Lee asked you in a low, somewhat husky drawl. You instantly froze, breath hitching in your throat. Did you hear that right? Lee cleared his throat softly amd strolled the few feet to the edge of your bed. His eyes lingered on your arm below the blanket, a small growl in the back of his throat.

      He sat on the edge, his hand creeping up your calf and starting to stroke it. Too entranced by his movements, you watched his face as he watched your reactions. He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. 

      “Don't let me stop you darling. I thought you wanted all this. Now you're too scared?”, he asked. You let out a small whimper. Hardly noticing that his hand had moved to your upper thigh and was now caressing it. 

      You sat up straight now, bringing your hand to meet Lee’s and placing his hand over your pussy. Doing your best to maintain eye contact and settle your nerves.

      “Im not scared-”, you said on a shaky exhale. “I just didnt expect you there”, you continued. Lee moved in closer and put his other hand on your shoulder. Starting to kiss your mouth slowly, slipping his tongue on your lips to see if you'd let him in. Licking and biting softly, you whimpered, not able to resist. 

      Slowly, your hesitation subsided. Melting into a small flame in your core that you didn't doubt Lee would make into a spark. You scooted closer to him now, reaching out for him in the darkness. Lee’s hands entangled yours in a sweet gesture. 

      Pulling you close and bringing your head in for a kiss. Mouths opening and tongues already exploring. His large hands roaming up and down your back and sides. You

leaned forward more, connecting your mouth to his neck and started licking softly. Sucking in spots and nipping slightly. 

      Lee’s chest rumbled slightly under you. Smirking to yourself as you heard the soft moan next to your ear. He pulled you away, his mouth now doing the same things to your neck that you just did to his. Your head started to feel light and floaty. Everything in your body telling you to keep chasing this feeling. 

       Lee advanced on your body. Pushing you back a little roughly back onto your bed. Going back to kissing your mouth and neck, hands roaming everywhere. Both of you moaning now, but trying to stay quiet. 

       “Ive been waiting for this for so damn long. You know how many times I had to stroke myself and think of you”, Lee asked breathlessly. You smiled back at him. Feeling giddy and excited knowing that a man ten or so years older could think of you that way. You tore off your clothes, body totally bare and exposed for him.

      Lee did the same and he was everything you'd imagined. You had a preference for certain body types, sure. But as long as they had a handsome face and smooth voice or a certain twang, that was what typically got you off more. He chuckled as he lowered himself onto you. His hard cock poking your stomach, almost lining up with your heat. You had to hold back a whimper, not wanting to wake anyone else in the house up. Lee slowly dragged it through your wet folds, hissing as he just barely slipped inside. 

      “Fuck baby…” his voice trailed off as he kept draggin himself through you. You were in awe of his self control. Yourself on the verge of begging him to put it in. Biting your bottom lip, pouting pathetically up at him as your hand moved back down to your pussy. 

      “Nuh uh sweetheart, that's my job”, he said again in a hoarse whisper. His hand took your place and started to swipe up and down your lips and clit. Finally focusing on just your clit, hands already reaching for blankets. Lee laughed softly, watching you be so desperate for him. “I haven't even done anything and you already want it? Already wanna cum”, he teased.

       You didn’t answer, too focused on what he was doing. He kept finding your bundle of nerves and would rub in circles, up and down, side to side. Without warning, to see your reaction, he stopped. Undoing his belt and sliding down his pants hastily, he grabbed the length of his cock and roughly slid into your waiting opening. Lee chuckled at your gasp of a reaction, your fingers curling around his broad shoulders. Sure, you were with a few people before, but none seemed to be as intune with your body as Lee was. 

      His years more than made up for your slightly less experienced roster. Lee started thrusting slowly as if to try and savor the moment. His intense stare going soft as he looked down at your face half contorted in bliss. He couldnt help but reach a hand out to stroke your cheek and move your hair away. Mouth moving into a small grin as he roughly snapped his hips twice. Only because he wanted to watch you squirm. You clung to him more tightly. 

“God…Lee…please just…fuck me”, you croaked. A little breathless as he put all of his weight on you. He noticed the shallow breaths from your slightly hollow throat. He raised himself up onto his elbows now, kissing and nipping your neck. Shaking his head in a chuckle, he started thrusting faster and harder now. 

      Lifting your hips to feel himself deeper. Arms circling around him in an attempt to bring him closer.

      “Cage me in Lee”, you pleaded. Clasping your hands together to encircle him. You realized then you liked the feeling of him on top of you. His whole body weighing you down like the warmest, heaviest blanket. He smiled and did as you obliged, his arms going behind your neck as he kept snapping hard and deep into you. Your moans coming out as breathy pants. 

      Fuck, he felt so good. Why hadnt I done this sooner? He twined his fingers into your hair, gripping the back of your head. Lee loved having you on your back like this. Totally at his will. His cock throbbed a little when you let you a garbled moan as he felt the light scratches of your nails down his back.

       “Goddamn honey, you keep panting like that and Im gonna come”, he rasped as he picked up his speed. You needed him to go faster and deeper. You wanted to feel yourself gush all over him. Smiling to yourself, you had a good- but maybe not smart- idea. 

      You just wanted to give Lee some…encouragement. 

    “Come on baby, I know you can fuck me harder than that. Hm?” A little chuckle escaped you, until you saw that was the wrong thing  to do. Lee’s gaze went steely and his lip pressed into a thin line. Your face fell in a little bit of fear. He seemed to enjoy that. 

      A smirk curling on his lips. Leaning down to bite your neck, and you letting out a slight cry. He started thrusting his hips wildly, not able to hold back like he was before. He kept going until you went almost limp, mouthing wordless sentences and nonsensical noises. His large hand giving your cheek a few gentle slaps. 

      When that didn't work, he gripped your chin tightly. Trying to force you to come back out of your fucked out state. Tilting his head to purr into your ear as he watched your eyes roll and then refocus again. You had never felt anything this good before. If this was his “light” side, then what was his dark like? 

      “Now listen baby…you wanted this. This was yer idea. You cant handle it, tap out now. Sides….this is jus’ me getting started”. Your eyes widened at that. So there was more to him that he wasnt showing. Your eyes in total focus now, looking him dead in the eyes. Sneering at him, a bit of a growl to your voice now. 

      “Fuck me harder, Sheriff. I can take it”, you smiled a little triumphantly. He was more than happy to listen. Both of  your releases are so close. You let out a loud squeal as you felt him hit your cervix almost painfully so. WIthout thinking, he clamped a hand over your mouth. 

      “I said you gon’ have to be quiet, my little whore”. Your eyes rolled a little, you could feel yourself flutter around him. A moan escaping your mouth with a muffled “fuck” around Lee’s hand. He grinned wickedly, hips snapping as fast as he could. :”Yeah, you liked that, didn’t ya sugar” Lee cooed at you. You nodded enthusiastically, grabbing his wrist as he kept going at a brutal pace. 

      “Wanna be my little whore for as long as I ask”, he questioned. You nodded again. Without warning, you felt yourself cum hard on his cock. Eyes fluttering wildly and you couldn't help but let out an almost screaming moan. Lee panted and huffed, burying his face into the crook of your neck, his own release so close behind your own. Your pussy couldn’t help but cum again around him. “Come on baby, lemme hear those pretty noises. Just a lil”, he cooed into your ear as a whisper. 

      “Please cum in me Lee. I want it so fucking bad”, your breath coming in breathless pants. Letting out a grunt and then groan, you felt him shoot a big load inside of you. Your pussy clamping down on him to take every drop. Lee grunted again as he felt you clamp down, his hand traveling down to knead at your chest. With a growl, “Thank fuck, baby. Damn. Wanted that for so long”, he huffed some more as he lightly played with your hair now. 

      “You always cum that hard”, he asked, brows raising in question. You shook your head in answer. Trying to catch your own breath. “Not that many times with the few guys before me. Fact if we go another round, you can probably make me cum two more times, Sir”. You felt his softening cock twitch inside you again. Unable to help it, you moaned a curse and bit hard on your lip. 

      “Like when you call me Sir”, Lee teased. Hand moving down to squeeze your ass hard, you whimpered. Hips bucking up and already begging for more. “And I just might take you up on your offer”, he finished. You thought you heard movement down the hallway. Lee noticed it too. Both of you stopped and froze still. He even looked a little worried. Maybe we hadn’t been as quiet as we thought. Suddenly, a call from a few feet from your closed bedroom door. 

      “Honey, are you alright in there? I heard some noise. If you’re watching TV, can you turn it down, please?”, she asked. Yours and Lee’s eyes widened. Unsure of what to do. Voice a little shaky, but clearing your throat. 

      “Yeah, mom, Im fine. Sorry, I’ll turn it down”, you called out. Lee sniggered and you hit his shoulder a little hard, trying to get your point across…not funny. Hearing her steps retreat, you let out a sigh of frustration and relief. Lee still grinned at you, shaking his head in amusement.  He slowly let himself up from you, pulling out slowly but relishing in the feeling of your heat until next time. 

     You collected yourself as he went to put back on his tee shirt and boxers. He turned around, a look of disbelief at what just happened. He let out a small chuckle, coming towards you again. Hands planted on the edge of your comforter and hunching over to meet your face. “And that is why I'm buying you your own apartment”, he said matter of factly. Stunned into silence, you didn't know what to say. He smiled, amused at your dumbfoundedness. “Now you best get some sleep, sexy. Im making another visit to ya tomorrow night. But next time…we’re using a gag or really turning on your TV’, he said. All you could do was nod as he sauntered away and gently closed your door. Maybe having your parents' friend around wasn’t as bad after all.     

[catboxghost]

ok actually. lemme give u a good weeknight stir fry recipe that comes together in literally 30 minutes.

buy some cheap flank steak, its usually less than $10 per half pound and thats really all u need. slice the flank steak real thin across the grain of the muscle fibers. this does matter, it will make the meat more tender. you also wanna put it all in a bowl and put just a little bit of baking soda, maybe a teaspoon per half pound. allegedly this causes a reaction with the meat that gives it that velvety chinese takeout quality. if youre cool you also add some garlic powder, black pepper, soy sauce and sesame oil and let it all marinate for at least 15 minutes.

while the meat is marinating take this time to prep your vegetables and aromatics (garlic + ginger+ shallot), you want everything ready to go because stir frys happen fast. i like to cut a carrot into little quarter-inch cubes, along with a red pepper, serrano pepper, and broccoli. this is entirely dealers choice of vegetables.

next mix together about a tablespoon of oyster sauce, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, a tbsp of cooking mirin (everyone recommends shaoxing wine but this is hard to find ime) and 1/2 tbsp of rice wine vinegar along with about 2 teaspoons of corn starch in a bit of water. i also like to add cayenne or red pepper flakes bc i like it hot but whatever u like. this is your stir fry sauce.

if you are blessed with a gas stove you can use a wok, but otherwise any large pan works. you just want to make sure you can get it ripping hot (be careful with nonstick pans bc the teflon can vaporize and that is Not Good For You). blitz the beef with oil for about 5 minutes until its not pink anymore and set aside. add aromatics, cook until fragrant (literally like 30 seconds be careful) then add all ur veggies along with some sesame oil to get em a lil brown. cook for 5 more minutes until at least the broccoli is tender, then add the beef back in.

once everyone is being friendly, add ur stir fry sauce specifically ON THE EDGE of the pan so it can evaporate a little bit before getting mixed in. you can also make a lil opening in ur ingredience in the middle of the pan and pour it in there. this is where u stir and also fry, for about 2 more minutes. you remembered to make rice, right? if not then just chop some scallions real small and scatter them over the whole deal.

proceed to eat directly out of the pan while watching a bad tv show. if u play it right this should cost less than $20. remember its always moral to put all ur produce in the same bag and ring it up as shallots at the self-checkout 💛

[foodandfolklore]

Magical Recipes; how to approach an established recipe as a Kitchen Witch

Art by forestfolke on Deviant Art I think one of the most confusing things for new, or even experienced, kitchen witches is how to expand their recipe catalogue for their practice. A lot of new kitchen witches think you need to follow a recipe that has been written special for Witchy Cooking. That the regular recipes they find or use just won't have any magical purpose. But that's just not the case.

You don't need to buy special cook books with recipes exclusively for Kitchen Witches. You can take any recipe that already exists and apply it to your wants or needs. To help explain this process, I'm going to take a recipe I found online then reverse engineer it into a Kitchen Witch Recipe.

The Recipe

My Partner often donates blood, so eating foods that keep his Iron up is important to us. But I also want this dish to be emotionally satisfying Vs just eating a Steak, which neither of us find particularly appealing. I thought I'd try a Cottage Pie (also called Shepperd's Pie) because I want to find a new recipe that will help use up ingredients. Don't get me wrong, soups are awesome; but I tend to go a little light on the meat/alternatives. I tend to keep a good supply of ground meat in the freezer, so know I'll have most of the key stuff.

So I'm starting with this recipe since I don't have my own Cottage Pie recipe. Here are the Ingredients: Filling

1 lb lean ground beef

1 lb ground sausage (I use Jimmy Dean pork sausage)

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 small yellow onion , chopped

2 ribs celery , chopped

1-2 carrots , chopped (about 1 cup)

3  cloves garlic , minced

1/4  cup  all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups low-sodium beef broth

2  tablespoons  tomato paste

1  cube beef bouillon

2  tablespoons  Worcestershire sauce

1  teaspoon  fresh thyme , chopped (or ¼ teaspoon dried thyme)

1 teaspoon fresh rosemary , chopped (or ¼ teaspoon dried rosemary)

2  bay leaves

½ cup frozen corn

½ cup frozen peas

Topping

2 1/2 pounds Russet potatoes , Yukon gold or russet potatoes

¼ cup  sour cream

½ cup milk

4  tablespoons butter

salt and pepper , to taste

½ cup freshly grated parmesan cheese

½ cup shredded cheddar cheese , for topping

So let's start with the topping since it has less ingredients to worry about. For those unfamiliar with cottage pie, the base of the pie is mostly meat and Veggies, and then it's topped with some mashed potatoes before baking. It's common to just use leftover mashed potatoes. So, I'll just use my mashed potato and cauli recipe. In short, it's half potato and half cauliflower with roast garlic and seasonings. Both Potatoes and Cauliflower have protective properties. Since this is the protective top layer of the Pie, I thought the symbolism carried itself further. The Cauliflower will also work well together with the Garlic to Banish any negativity from the pie, as well as from those who consume it.

Now let's break down the filling. Starting with the largest Ingredients. Ground Beef and Ground Sausage. Ground meats in general are fantastic for grounding energy. I'll probably sub the ground beef for whatever ground meat I have on hand, so the grounding aspect is what I'll focus on for now. Potatoes are also good for grounding. This is over all is going to be a very down to earth, hearty meal. Next, the vegetables. Onion, Celery, Carrots, Peas, and Corn. Corn is not something I use on the regular, but it's has a good use in Kitchen Magic as a power multiplier. Similar to Rice. Carrots have heath and energy properties, something I want in a dish for improving Iron Levels. Though I never particularly enjoyed peas, I'll use them for their health and abundance benefit. Green Peas are also high in Iron. Celery is great ingredient to add to a dish to add lasting happiness and satisfaction. Which I defiantly want so when the dish is consumed, you don't feel disappointed. Onion will add onto the Protection and Health. But Onion also has good cleansing properties, so I have the habit of adding it to my pan first to cleanse my cooking station. I'll probably cook some or all of the onion with the meat. Now the Seasonings. Not everything used in your cooking needs to have a magical purpose. It can just be there to enhance the taste of your food. I use Worcestershire sauce often in my cooking with no thought to it's magical abilities. I use it all the time when I want to add some extra umami or savory flavour. But there are some things we can add to help enhance the magic. Thyme, Rosemary, and Bay. All three of these herbs are good for health and healing. I can feed this to my SO before a donation to make sure his Iron is up. Then I can feed it to them after when their body is recuperating. Though I may forgo the Bay leaf. I tend to worry I'll leave it in my food when it's not supposed to be eaten XD But that said, I think I'll add a few of my own. Marjoram seems like it will go well in this, which will add to the Happiness and Comfort of my meal. I wanna add some Basil and Cayenne to this. The Basil I'm hoping will help stop long term fatigue, so my SO's mind is not affected by the donation. Cayenne for a blast of extra energy. I'll also add some extra Garlic and Parsley. I'll also make a few other personal tweaks like swapping the Flour for Cornstarch. I prefer using corn starch in my sauces, and I already have corn as an ingredient anyway, so it should mesh together better on their property levels. Cooking/Assembling Now that I have the magical properties of all my ingredients established, I simply need to assemble them according to the recipe directions. The only difference is, when I add something to the dish, I know what I'm adding not only on a Mundane level, but also the magic properties of the food. I'm adding ground meat to ground my dish and the people consuming it. I add Celery to help the food be emotionally satisfying. I'll add peas to enhance health and healing. Ect.

Also note, you don't need to do as big of a dissection every time you want to cook a recipe as a Kitchen Witch. If you come across an ingredient or two you are familiar with the magic properties for (Or the ingredient just has a spiritual meaning to you personally) You can add it to your meal with that meaning in mind. Like adding a little honey to your tea to sweeten and brighten your day. Also note, most ingredients have multiple magical uses. Just as they have multiple culinary uses. You can add honey to tea for happiness, or may may choose to add it help heal and get over a cold you have. Or you can add it for both reasons! Or neither reason; maybe you just want some honey. You are the Castor, the Decider, the Kitchen Witch!

Eat well and be well 💜💜💜

[v1vian-th3-f4nfic-wr1ter]

An Eternity With You

《Chapter 2》

Potiental Triggers: Insecurity (Gerald) Self Doubt (Gerald) Smoking (Felix) Implied/Mention of Sex But Nothing Detailed (Gerald and Reader and Honestly All of them) Family Death (Reader)

Authors note: This chapter will be focused on Geralds growing relationship with reader and how he feels about them but remains blind to the romantic feelings, he doubts himself about being a good partner to Felix and Arthur and feels insecure about his position in the cartel, future chapters will explore the rest of their relationship (arthur and felix) with reader but for now its just gerald also, fuck slowburn

Taglist:

@otaku-girl-ao3

@fckedupnerd

The winter air blew harshly into Arthurs face, it didnt faze him as he entered the cathedral and went down the elevator, met with Gerald eating a steak and wine for lunch and Felix smoking a cigarette, looking at himself in the smaller mirror. Validating himself...though mostly negative comments, it was an average day, he sat down in a chair in front of a desk, working on a new launch of caramels and the flavors. He spoke in a calm but demanding voice "What do you think does with caramel?" He said, not looking at either of them. They stare at him, Gerald spoke up first "Well if it were me it would be strawberry or icing, well...assuming youre asking me though i get the vibes you are referring to us both"

"Yes, exactly. Now Felix, any recommendation or are you too busy being a doll in the mirror" Arthur said, slightly irriated

"H-huh? Oh uhm...maybe mango or...blueberry? I like those with caramel" Felix said in a panic

Arthur nodded and considered his options, Gerald just kept eating "You know you attractive Felix, why are you even doing this?" Felix copied his words mockingly, thinking Gerald was mocking him, Gerald sighed in defeat and was getting ready to head out "Am going out, do any of you want anything?" He asked, Felix responded "Just black coffee, and thank you Gerald" He nodded and looked at Arthur "Coffee with creamer and two spoons of sugar, and also a pastry if you happen to pass by a bakery or café" He nodded and headed out to the café you work at

You were cleaning up a table when he headed inside the café

"Oh, youre back already! Well i assume its the usual?" You spoke in a cheery voice "Yes quite, but also add a black coffee and coffee with creamer and two spoons or cubes of sugar, and a slice chocolate cake" You nodded and headed in to the back

He sat down in his usual seat, depressed, they just brush him off as an errand boy or just a pillar of support when they lose money "You think you had sex with them enough times, theyd actually treat you as a person... Am i just that insufferable?" He mutters out loud, you overheard when you were bring him his order

"Oh brighten up! And here, i added an extra slice, on the house, dont worry" He was wide eyed but happily accepted the cake, You helped him put the food in to go boxes and chatted for a while, you felt a sense of joy when he was around, you started to fall in love

"Well i best be going, theyre waiting for me, thank you for the cake slice" He waved you goodbye and left the cafe with a massive tip of 250 in your hands, you smiled and put it away when you got home, happy someone actually likes the café you work at, it finally gives you and the owner some money to make the café and general life better, you look up at your celling. Thinking about if you should take a day off tommorow, for now you sleep peacefully

Meanwhile Gerald at the vault hours earlier

"Am back" he greeted as he placed down the food, Felix took the black coffee and sips on it, Arthur took the other coffee and slice of cake, they were both delightedly surprised "Where did you get this?" Felix asked "Oh its from the café i get my lunch, though i doubt you would go to the shady part of town for it" he answers, Felix's face contorts into disgust but still drank the coffee, meanwhile arthur was just enjoying the cake and coffee "Its a shame they couldnt get a better spot for the café, id go everyday if it were in out part of town" Arthur commented "But it seems you go there everyday, if it isnt much of a hassle, would you get me this, Gerald?" Gerald nodded, though albeit a bit forced

He ate his food and stayed behind, thinking about you, and my god. He was falling harder than a brick hitting a rock

The next day~

He entered the café, more cheery than ever when he saw you, being happy, he got his usual and since you were about to take your break, you chatted with him, you notice he was more touchy than usual, but you brushed it off, until he finally asked you to come and stay at his estate today, you tried to deny but he conviced you to come with him after both of you are available today

After your shift you headed to the adress he gave you, you look at the estate, it was grand and large with a grand garden outside and with a foutain in the middle, you eyed the glorious estate before knocking on the door, nervour, Gerald opens the door, happy to see you actually made it to his place, he offers you some tea, you accept and sip on it, you sat down on one of the plush couches, he sat in front of you. You chatted about your personal lives "Well actually, my mother died way before i moved here, but i got over it...but it still makes me shed a tear" you sobbed sliently, he wipes away your tears and moves to be next to you, you clung to him and cried a river, Gerald comforted you as best he could

Once the tears slowed down you fixed yourself up and profusely apologize for ruining the suit hes wearing, he brushes it off since he has many more things to wear in his estate, by the time you finished the meeting it wss very late, 10 oclock, Gerald offers you to stay because it would be dangerous to go home at a time like this

You accepted and you took a bath, you notice all of the luxury skincare and bathrobs out for you. You have a hard time not admiring the decor and the overall presentation of the bathroom, you took the bath and blow-dried your hair for the first time, you were heading out the bathroom when Gerald suggested you to sleep in his room since it would be a just a one night thing

Little do you know you ended up having a one night stand with him

You woke up to the sunlight breaching the room from the curtains, you looked around and found yourself with your arms around gerald as you slept on his arm, you remember the events before and blush heavily to yourself, you got up, careful not to wake Gerald and closed the curtains, entering his arms again and fell asleep

An hour later he woke up, you still asleep, he got into pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed, completely regretting everything. He gave you pleasure, that was the intent but he didnt expect to go this far, he questions himself if hes even a good partner, and you agreed out of pity for his own ego, and what will the other two think of him?! He just cheated on them and didnt feel an ounce of regret, and what will happen to their reputations if the public found out Gerald fucking Prodnose was in a threesome with his competitors and CHEATED on them

His ADHD wasnt being helpful either, he was being overstimulated by his surroundings, almost feels suffocating to him, he was walking around the room and shaking his hands, trying not to think about it when you woke up from his loud footsteps "Why are you walking so much...?" He responds with "Nothing, just...needed to stretch my legs" "Well, come on, come over here" he wanted nothing more than to be comforted so he joins you in the bed once again, he wraps his arms around you. Relieving some stress

Meanwhile Arthur and Felix were at Arthurs mansion, just having a night of pleasure themselves, Felix was wearing a green slik robe, though one of his shoulders were showing, he wasnt eating meanwhile Arthur was having a steak and wine for breakfast. They couldnt careless about Gerald in the moment, just enjoying the morning, blind to Geralds meltdown

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Authors note: Sorry for the small chapter but i really want chapter three to be made because oh my god it is juicy, and let me know if you have any feedback, and have any ideas for any spin offs!

-Yours Truly, V1vian <3

[soulofapatrick]

One Step Closer to a Family - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: It’s Joel’s birthday and you’ve made a perfect meal except Joel wants dessert after...

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: Smut; (p in v); I guess it could be a breeding kink; little bit of an age gap; oral f!receiving 

Notes: This was requested by @phoenixxtay​ for her birthday today (it is currently 1.30am in the UK as I post this so happy birthday!)

-----------

Y/N’s POV

I couldn’t sit still any longer, Joel was due home in an hour after going to work on his birthday. Sarah had agreed that she would stay with Tommy for the night so we could have a romantic evening together, she had suggested it even with a mischievous glint in her chocolate eyes that had me almost sweating nervously. She’s fifteen now and has been hinting at wanting a sibling for forever so I’m not surprised if that’s what she was getting at despite us using condoms or the pull out method. It was playing in my mind and yeah maybe I could bring it up with Joel but I’m not sure tonight would be the night I do that. 

Joel’s big fan of steak with this rich bernaise sauce so that’s what is on the menu for night. It doesn’t take long to cook but I wanted it to be perfect so I had bought two extra steaks just in case I fuck up the first two. I’m rather forgetful with my ADHD so anything is possible and I just hope it all turns out well, I want Joel to have the perfect birthday evening without having to worry about the house being burnt down…

I take a deep breath and just go for it, heating cast-iron skillet over a high heat until it’s practically smoking before adding the oil. A bunch of profanities slip past my lips when the oil spits back at me but I can’t leave it, the oil needs to not dissipate before I put the steaks in so I just wipe down the singed skin. The steaks begin to sear perfectly in the pan so I lower the heat a little more, adding sprigs of thyme and a clove of garlic to add some real flavour to the steaks. I have to keep them in the skillet for exactly five minutes more, constantly turning them and making sure they’re cooked all the way through before setting them aside so they wouldn’t be overcooked, wrapping them in tin foil. 

Then I get to making the bernaise sauce. I don’t know why Tommy wants me to handmade the sauce instead of buying the instant packets like I asked. I’m not a chef, he’s a fucking amazing one though. I had begged Tommy to cook the meal for me but instead he’s set me up with instructions and… well, I’d like to tear my fucking hair out but I am way too determined to do this for Joel. I don’t care how many tries it takes; I will make this damn meal for his birthday. 

Following the messily scrawled instructions I whisk together egg yolks, white wine vinegar and a pinch of salt until it’s all frothy. The next instruction is to add small cubes of cold butter, one at a time and whisk it constantly until it’s thick and creamy. Who the fuck makes cubes of butter?? What the fuck is this weirdness? Cubes are not an exact measurement!

Taking a deep breath I have to carry on as it’s getting closer and closer to 6pm and I’m not changed yet! I move on to adding some tarragon, whatever the actual fuck that is, to the sauce and giving it one final whisk before warming it in the microwave for a few minutes so I can plate the still steaming steaks. The sauce smelling really fucking good as I pour it over the steaks before covering them with the foil again so I can sprint upstairs to change. 

I wanted this to be casual and cute so I opted for a pair of high-waisted jeans and soft, cosy sweater that hugs all my curves in the right places. Not having time to put any makeup on or style my hair I just brush it out before running my fingers through it to give it some lift, smiling at how good I feel in my reflection when the front door opens and my name is being called. 

Joel’s standing at the bottom of the stairs when I emerge from our bedroom, head tilted a little when he seems I’m more dressed up than usual. From here he looks really fucking good, his short and dark loose curls are dusted with dust from being at the construction site all day and it makes me wonder what he’s gonna look like when he gets old enough to have salt and pepper hair. His eyes soften as I make my way down to him, wrapping his strong and muscular arms around me and pressing me to his chest, draping my arms around his neck as a cheeky grin slides onto his face as he asks, “What the occasion to be so dressed up darlin’?” 

“Oh I think you know,” I can’t keep the smile off my face as I press a sweet and quick kiss to his lips, relishing in something so simple as how Joel-like he smells despite coming home from a hard days work, “Come on! Dinner’s ready and it’s gonna go cold soon.” I’m wriggling out of his grip to grab his calloused hand and lead him into the kitchen, waiting for him to sit down, “Close your eyes baby!” 

He narrows his honey eyes at me in suspicion so I raise both my eyebrows in retaliation until he does. As quick as I can I rip the foil off our plates and place his in front of him before sitting opposite him and telling him he can open his eyes. His face falls into surprise when he sees the steak and béarnaise sauce in front of him, perfectly cooked and smelling really fucking good. He’s looking at me with adoration and those lines around his eyes crinkle as he smiles and whispers out a soft, “I love you Y/N, this is very sweet.” 

“Happy birthday Joel.” I feel myself getting choked up a little at how he’s looking at me. We’ve been dating for almost four years and every time he looks at me like that I feel the air get knocked out of my lungs. It feel like the whole world doesn’t exist except us too as his gaze is soft and tender, unwavering and making my heart skip a beat or two while my breath catches in my throat. I feel completely seen and understood. I know that Joel really does love me for who I am, with all my strengths and weaknesses. I feel safe and secure, knowing that I have someone who cares for me deeply and will always be there for me. His expression of love and adoration fills me with a warm and fuzzy feeling, like I'm enveloped in a cozy blanket. It's a moment I'll never forget, and one that reminds me of just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful partner in my life. 

*

The food gets scarfed down and Joel settles me with a different type of look, his honey eyes darkening as they rake over my body and his voice comes out deep and smooth with a slight rasp to it, “Now I think I want dessert.” 

I decide to play ignorance, watching the way he shifts in his seat as he becomes impatient, “Oh? Well we have ice cream and-“

“Now don’t be a tease sugar,” He stands, moving around the table in one move, holding a hand out for me to take, “Upstairs now, don’t make me wait as it is my birthday.” 

“That’s a dirty trick.” I take his large hand, letting him lead me upstairs and hearing him chuckle before I’m being pushed against the wall. His body cages mine, all harsh lines and ridges pressed against mine as his plump lips ghost over my needy ones. His breath ghosting over my face before he groans softly and suddenly his lips are on mine properly, the kiss intense and passionate. His hands move to grip my hips tightly, tugging at the waistband of my jeans and letting the stretchy material snap back against my skin with a gasp that he swallows, tongue taking this opportunity to lick into my mouth. 

“Let me show you a dirty trick,” He growls into my ear before trailing hot and open mouthed kisses down my neck, being sure to suck a few hickeys into spots I know I won’t be able to cover at all and that thought alone turns me on even more than I am now already soaking my lace panties I picked out just for Joel. His thick fingers popping the button on my jeans and I’m letting out a filthy sound when he sinks to his knees in front of me as he tugs the fabric down my legs, eyes flicking up mine when he takes note of his favourite pair of panties, “Now that’s a gift I like.” 

The jean are flung somewhere in the hallway, Joel diving between my legs with kisses and kitten licks up the insides of my thighs as he avoids the area I need him the most. His beard tickles the oversensitive skin, every scratch feeling like fire as he teases me, blowing on my clothes mound before sucking the fabric into his mouth with a low groan. He’s really drawing this out, wanting to make me beg for him, a rumble in his chest when my hand tangles in his hair and pushing his face forwards as I need him. Fuck, I need him so fucking badly and he finally stops, the panties around my ankles in less than a second. He does’t give me time to prepare myself, his tongue plunging into my wet heat with absolutely no warning, causing my body to jerk away but his strong hands are splayed on my hips to keep me against the wall. 

It doesn’t take long for me to be writhing and moaning above him as he swirls his tongue around my clit, moving my left leg so it’s over his shoulder and it changes the angle completely. My whole body shudders when he licks a strip up my folds before going back to dipping his tongue in and out of my core with both precision and sloppiness before going back to sucking on my clit. He alternates between the two and soon enough my legs are beginning to shake and that tightness begins to build. My body tries to pull away and towards him at the same time, the feeling becoming overwhelming and Joel just hums, sending electricity through my core up my spine to my brain where everything becomes white noise. I can feel myself pulsing around his tongue that hasn’t stopped fucking into me and my hands tug almost painfully at his hair while my head falls back against the wall with a thud, my thighs trying to clamp around him as my vision partially whites out and Joel continues eat me out until I’m whining and trying to tug him away. 

He looks so fucking dirty, mouth and beard soaked in my juices, his usually honey eyes are dark and pupils blown out wide as his chest heaves as if he was trying to suffocate himself between my legs. He pulls my leg from his shoulder and his hands have to grab my hips to keep my standing when my knees give as they’re shaking so much. It draws a shit-eating grim to his lips as he leans in to whisper, “I’m just getting started with tonight sweetheart.” 

I’m being guided away from the wall and into the bedroom, a gasp falling from my lips when my calves hit the edge of the bed and I buck backwards. Joel helps me shift up the bed before quickly discarding his shirt and jeans with a thunk and that tent in his boxers has me almost salivating at the sight. He’s standing at the edge of the bed, watching me and it gives me time to really admire him. He may be 36 and twelve years older than me but he does not look older at all, his well-defined arms and chest making me melt. The visible muscle tone only for me to see as they’re usually hidden beneath the somewhat baggy tee shirts he wears, shoulders broad and square as he holds himself with confidence. His tanned and toned chest leading down to those dark curls that disappear beneath the extremely tight boxers that grip his thick thighs. He’s deceptively lean and athletic in appearance but to me he’s rugged and so fucking attractive, crawling over me and practically stranding me so he can push my sweater up my chest. 

I help him by hastily pulling it over my head and throwing to the floor, feeling the rough pads of his fingers nimbly unhook my bra and he tosses it in the direction my sweater was thrown before his head ducks down. The fucking tease kisses between the valley of my breasts, avoiding any contact with them as he pushes his boxers off and growls out, “I think you can come unstimulated baby, what do you think?”

Before I can answer he’s pushing the tip past my folds, a low and guttural sound falling from those swollen lips as his head falls into the crook of my neck, his hands finding mine and pressing them to the bed either side of my head. Despite having a rougher side to him it always slips away after foreplay, the sex itself being love making rather than sex. I feel special and valued when we have sex, knowing that pleasing me is pleasuring him too and bringing him closer to his climax. 

“J-joel,” I’m begging, my legs wrapping around his hips and my heel digging into the small of his back so he sinks in even further, “Fuck, please” 

Those two words are all he needs to be sinking to the hilt, both of us letting out sounds before he’s nudging my face to meet his so he can draw me into a passionate kiss. The taste of the whiskey and the saltiness of me still on his lips is sweet and intoxicating, and I can’t get enough of it. Our tongues dancing together in a fiery exchange, each one exploring and discovering the other as if we had never before, just as thrilling as the first time.

His hips cant back before he’s pressing in again, drawing a sharp gasp from me at the slide in, feeling ever bump and ridge of his thick length and it feels like everything else fades away. The world disappearing as we get lost in the intensity of each other, being so intimately joined together as he sets a steady rhythm, my heart racing and we’re gasping and moaning into each other’s mouths. He’s letting my hands go to wrap them around my body and mine curl in his hair and grip onto his shoulder as that feeling begins to build up. 

My nails dig into Joel’s shoulder and I’m tugging on his curls, the kisses becoming sloppy and needy as his dick twitches with every drag, pulling both of us closer and closer. He soon changes his motion to rolling his hips in a circular motion, the dark curls of his happy trial brushing against my clit with every circle until I’m arching my back, crying out his name and clenching around him. He continues the movements, whispering sweet nothings as I ride out my high, him following through and my legs clamping around his hips. The sensation of him pulsing inside me as he fills me up makes my eyes roll back in my head, almost coming again as it’s a new sensation. 

Joel lets himself fall on top of me, face buried in the crook of his neck again as he continues to twitch inside me and slowly, almost painfully at how hard I was tensing every muscle in my body I unwind my legs from around his waist. He stays where he is, lips curling up into a smile against my skin before he’s mumbling, “That was new…. We should do that again.” 

“Well, Sarah has been bugging me about a sibling.” I tease, testing the waters and he just huffs a soft laugh before kissing any available skin and pulling himself back onto his arms to meet my gaze, still buried inside of me. 

“You ready to start a family?” 

“With you? Always.” 

“Well then.” He’s got that cheeky grin on his face as he looks down at me, hips twitching and I realise he’s still very hard, causing me to let out a soft sound as fuck that’s very hot. 

“Fuck me again.” 

“Yes ma’am.”

----------------

TAGS: Tag List Form

@words-are-cheap @clover723 @a-psych0s-w0rld @sexyvixen7 @iraot @gemimawrites @pedropascalsrealhusband @twopercentmilk @amythenortherner @sxnshinebxcky @nelsoomon @urnewghostfriend @grooveandshit @reyas-world @canpillowscry @androgynoysgaz @outl4wage @ginger-swag-rapunzel @quinnverses @librafilms @leonkennedyslefthand @notsosecretspy @intergalacticspacemonkey @certifiedhunter @yourmommilf @mediocrewallflow3r @fariylixie0915 @randomhoex @secretsthathauntus @ems-alexandra @pedr0swh0r3 @quinnsgrapejuice @marvelsimps @cutesyscreenname @missmomiverse @midgetpottermills @thesapphirequeen​

[thebigskoot]

shitty little essay i wrote about the always sunny cookbook

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, also known as It’s Always Sunny or just Sunny, is a show that sometimes makes you lose your appetite. This is intentional; it is a show about disgusting people doing disgusting, cruel things to each other. Equally disgusting is the food that the characters discuss and consume: a couple examples of dishes featured on the show are rum ham, meat cube, milk steak (with jelly beans on the side (“raw”)), and riot punch. After hearing these names, a watcher likely does not want to take a bite of whatever a milk steak might be (we never do find out what Charlie means by this). Despite this, FX, the television channel that hosts Sunny, recently decided to make a cookbook based on the foods featured in this show. I believe that this book is nothing but a gag gift for fans, as it is neither funny nor educational enough to be a good read or a good cookbook.

The cookbook, titled Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook, is split up into sections based on characters from the show, each featuring an introduction written in the voice of a character followed by several recipes from said character. The first red flag of this cookbook is that it is not written by the creators of the show. Glenn Howerton, Rob MacElhenny, and Charlie Day are the creators of It’s Always Sunny and have been writing, producing, and playing the characters Dennis, Mac and Charlie since the show’s conception in 2005. Their respective characters were originally based on them - Dennis’s vanity, Mac’s hard-headedness and Charlie’s stupidity mirror the worst parts of the actors’ real-life personalities. Because of this, writing from these characters’ point of view has to be thoughtful and well-crafted in order to feel genuine and authentic to these deeply personal characters.

Unlike in the series’ official self help book, The 7 Secrets of Awakening the Highly Effective Four-Hour Giant, Today, which is written by the writers in their characters’ voices, this cookbook is written by a third-party writer. This makes the first-person introductions to each section of the cookbook full of cheap references to popular gags in the show, as opposed to any new information about the character. For instance, in Charlie’s introduction, he rambles about his iconic sleeping outfit of a black horse t-shirt and white long johns. This is something that never comes up verbally in the show, and is told only through wardrobe. However, the writer decided to bring this up to remind the reader that, yes, this is your favorite character Charlie speaking. Instead of references to the character’s wardrobe, something that may have been more relevant to a cookbook is something about Charlie’s relationship with food. For example, I would have appreciated it if the writer had given us Charlie’s take on his strange diet, which often consists of things not meant for human consumption, such as paint and cat food. How did he start eating these foods? How does he feel about his health as a result of his diet? If Charlie Day had written this from his character’s point of view, I think he would have expanded on what we already know about the character’s relationship with food as opposed to reminding us of what we already do know about his character’s pajamas.

Cat food, which Charlie eats every night along with a beer and a huff of glue, is a recipe in this cookbook. The writers could have gone the comedic route for this book and given this recipe one ingredient: One Can of Cat Food. This could have been done with many recipes in this book; as I mentioned, most of the food in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is nearly inedible. However, instead of keeping the recipes accurate to the show (and thus inedible), the writers opted to feature basic, easy-to-make recipes that only resemble the foods from the show. This takes the reader out of the illusion that the recipes were provided by the characters; if Charlie knew how to make tuna salad, he wouldn’t be eating Fancy Feast. Unfortunately, these character-breaking choices were made in the name of interactivation.

The simplicity of these recipes, I think, is an attempt at reaching the target audience of Sunny: college-aged adults. However, I think that two other options would have worked better as opposed to this approach: the aforementioned inedible approach, and, on the other side of the spectrum, the way-too-fancy-for-this-show approach. The inedible approach would render the book useless as an interactive cookbook, but make it a purely comedic gag book: something completely different and more consistent with the show’s brand. On the other hand, the writers could have chosen the way-too-fancy approach, in which the recipes are not described as being written by the characters but instead interpreted by professional chefs. This would give the book more of a purpose, of which it currently does not have: college kids can look up these basic recipes without buying a book based on their favorite sitcom.

A couple of summers ago, when I was in the depths of my It’s Always Sunny hyperfixation, I was living in a subletted apartment with my friend, Isaac. Almost every free moment we had, we were watching Sunny: before work, after work, while we were eating, and even during the one time we each picked up one dumbbell from my set of two and pretended to exercise. Sometime before the summer, I saw a two-part series from the YouTube channel Babish Culinary Universe in which Babish recreates the foods from It’s Always Sunny in two ways: one exactly the show describes (or how he thought the characters would make it), and one in a fancy, over-the-top way. For example, he makes a Grilled Charlie exactly how Charlie instructs Frank to make one on his hot plate: “Peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside.” Of course, this was an inedible mess, so he proposed a new and improved Grilled Charlie consisting of brie cheese, dark, high-quality chocolate, brioche, and chunky peanut butter. Although still a strange flavor combination, when Isaac and I had nothing to eat for dinner, we cooked and ate these fancy Grilled Charlies while watching our favorite show at the dinner table. Babish’s recipe was much more thoughtful and authentic than Grilled Charlie in the cookbook, which trades cheese for cream cheese frosting, which, like the tuna salad “cat food,” makes it a completely different (and boring) dish from the one featured in the show.

In conclusion, Paddy's Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook is a bad attempt at an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia cookbook in that it is not funny, authentic-feeling, or good enough as a cookbook to be worth buying even for a die-hard fan like me or Isaac.

References

Rea, A. (2017, February 20). Binging with babish: It’s Always sunny in Philadelphia special. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2ezpExQ_k0&t=46s

FX. (2006, June 29). The Gang Goes Jihad. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Episode.

Randolph, L., & Fecks, N. (2023). Paddy’s Pub: The Worst Bar in Philadelphia: An it’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cookbook. Hyperion Avenue. February 12, 2024, https://dayton.overdrive.com/media/10136164?cid=28073

Note: I was only able to access a sample of the book, hence why I focus so heavily on Charlie's introduction and recipes in this essay.

Wolf, M. J. P. (2014). Building imaginary worlds the theory and history of subcreation. Taylor and Francis.

[lovevalley45]

#fictober24 day one

"That was good work"

original fiction (power payback)

word count: 1405

tw: slight body horror

Chester Holt was so screwed. 

It was a cliche to have a crush on your coworker. He knew that, yet Fernando was just… perfect. 

Maybe that was extreme. No one was perfect. Yet, he was near perfect. He was handsome, clever, funny, and so nice. 

Chester should have known better than to catch feelings. Especially after his incident in high school. 

Seeing Fernando was the only reason he didn’t outright hate their weekly team building meetings. Often, the two of them would make snide comments about their boss Jerry. He loved trying to get a glimpse of his slightly crooked smile. 

But today, he’d been in charge of running their icebreaker. That always felt disastrous. He would get too nervous, or people wouldn’t be engaged. For once, it went well for him. 

As Jerry stepped up to give some vague, inspirational speech, Fernando leaned in. This close, Chester could feel his body heat, warm against the scant inch of his neck exposed by his turtleneck. 

“That was good work. You made me not want to pull my hair out,” he said softly. His breath smelled like fresh mint. 

He could scarcely breathe as he replied, “Thanks.” He was aware that his cheeks had heated up and hoped his blush wasn’t too obvious. 

That certainly made it hard to focus on Jerry’s stupid speech. Seriously, they sold dentistry equipment. They weren’t saving the world. 

Chester was feeling uncharacteristically brave as the meeting finally concluded. Before Fernando could go back to his cube, he caught his shoulder in what he hoped was a casual manner. 

“Hey. You got any plans tonight?” 

“Oh, yeah. My girlfriend wants to check out that new steakhouse that just opened at the Silver Spade, so we’re having dinner there tonight,” Fernando said. 

The tight feeling he got in his chest around him seemed to squeeze the air out of his lungs into a single word answer. “Oh.” He coughed, trying to ease the pain. And maybe make this whole thing much less awkward. “That sounds fun. I’ve heard good things about that place… Ace of Steaks?” 

“Yeah. It’s real classy. Even though I think Neon Avenue is tacky.” He chuckled. “The things you do for love.” 

“Totally.” Chester forced a smile. “Well. Have a good time. I’ll see you around.” 

He ducked out of the conference room before Fernando could respond. At first, he was just going to go back to his cube, but thought better and headed to the bathroom instead. 

He was a grown man. He was not going to cry over getting his feelings hurt. Except his eyes did feel kinda moist. 

God, he was such an idiot. Of course Fernando didn’t have feelings for him. Of course he was straight. Of course he had a girlfriend. 

Chester started running the faucet to splash water on his face. But it felt like there was something stuck in his throat. 

He cleared his throat, trying to get it out. No dice. Then he dipped his hand under the water and brought it to his throat, trying to suck it down. 

As whatever was in his throat sent him into a coughing fit, he leaned against the counter. God, that hurt his chest. Maybe he was coming down with something. He had felt the onset of… something. A bad chest cold, perhaps. 

Sickness always hit him hard. After the surgery, they’d told him that expected. His lungs had taken a toll from his burnout. If it got bad, he’d just stop by Urgent Care.

Maybe it was good Fernando had turned him down. 

Chester went back to his desk, putting his headset back on. He just had to make it through today. 

The rest of the day was slow. He kept his water bottle full and tried to keep his throat hydrated so he didn’t sound too terrible on his calls. It didn’t help much, but it was the thought that counted. 

By the time he could clock out, he was thankful. His turtleneck didn’t help the pain in his throat, almost like it was choking him. All he wanted to do was retreat back home.

The universe had other plans. 

Fernando leaned into his cube just as he was gathering his stuff. “Hey there.” 

“Yo.” His voice was still scratchy, which was uber embarrassing. He shouldn’t have cared. But seeing Fernando sent his heart fluttering again. Or maybe that was just infection setting in. 

“Woah. You good?” His eyebrows knit together in concern. 

“Yeah. I think I’m just coming down with something.” Chester coughed. “I’ll probably be fine after some sleep and a little chicken noodle soup. The great medicine of Chef Campbell.” 

Fernando grinned. “Campbell’s is no miracle cure. Now my abuela’s soup, that’s a surefire thing. The spice will kill that infection better than any antibiotic. I’ll bring some by.” 

“Oh, tha-” Suddenly, his throat seized. Chester could barely breathe as he hacked, hiding his face in the elbow of his sweater. “Thanks,” he continued weakly. 

“Yeah, you really need some rest,” Fernando said. “Are you gonna be okay to get home?” 

“I’m good. Promise.” He smiled up at him. 

“Alright.” He started to pull away. “Call me if you need anything. You know, other than soup. Because you’re definitely getting soup.” 

“Will do.”

Despite the fact he felt like shit, Chester had a grin on his face the whole drive home. Sure, every step up to his apartment seemed to make his chest seize. Sure, he was struggling to take in a breath as he unlocked the door. But he could sleep that off. 

The moment he was inside, he pulled off his turtleneck. Bright City never got cold enough to require such warm clothes, especially when the spring weather was finally starting to defrost. But scarves made him look douche-y. 

He knew it was unlikely that Fernando would stop by that night, but he still wanted to look as put together as he could. Chester snagged a clean-ish t-shirt and ducked into the bathroom. 

In the mirror, he checked his hair. It wasn’t too bad; taking off the turtleneck had rumpled it in a sorta sexy way. But his eyes dropped to his neck. 

The loose collar revealed the top of the long scar that stretched from his Adam’s apple down his chest. There was no way to hide it in this. He sighed. 

His fingers traced over the sensitive skin. That surgery had been necessary to save his life. It had also removed the last vestiges of his Talent. God, he didn’t need Fernando knowing. No one at work knew that he’d ever been a Talent, nor that he’d suffered a burnout. 

If he was lucky, they never would. 

He pressed too hard into his throat and coughed once, before it set him off again. Chester wheezed, and started hacking again. It hurt like hell, like his throat was being torn up from the inside. 

As he tried to catch his breath again, he tasted the metallic twinge of blood in his mouth. He spit into the sink, then wiped his mouth. 

Maybe Fernando’s abuela’s soup couldn’t fix this one. Especially not when he spotted a touch of unusual color among the red drops in the sink. 

Chester picked up the petal from the sink. It was slender, purple - geranium. The edges were starting to wilt. 

"No," he breathed out. "No, no." 

This wasn't a chest cold. This was something else. 

He'd been seventeen, priming to ask his crush to prom. He had put together a grand, floral display. 

For the week beforehand, as he waited for his moment, the flowers had stayed vibrant in his room. He'd felt sicker and sicker until the day came. But she had turned him down. 

By the time he got home from school, he could barely breathe. The flowers that had been germinating in his lungs were dying - and trying to take him with him. 

Chester didn't understand. Dr. Merlo had said that the chances his botanokinesis was still active was low - only five percent. Every attempt he'd made to keep a houseplant alive for the past few years had ended in disappointment. With his Talent, he could have halted their growth. Or at least, he could have tried. She had also warned him that they couldn't remove all the plants, that it would have been too risky. 

How long had that chest cold been coming on, again?

[thebonegoop]

Summer Memories

Sitting down as I write this; I can hear the splashes of water from children making cannonballs in the neighbor's pool and the subsequent banshee-like screams of a pack of now-drenched mothers yelling at their kids. I'm also sneezing gunk like I'm having a demon exorcised from my body (The Zelda Rubinstein way, of course).  

You may be asking yourself right now - Lincoln, what does that have anything to do with this post?  Well, my dear Watson, it means summer we are just beginning another summer! So, for the inaugural post of The Bone Goop, I'll discuss eight great summer memories!  

#1: Ice Cream Trucks

Okay, okay – Maybe I never had a traditional Ice Cream truck come down to my town – so sue me. I was raised in – said in my best George Burns Voice – God's Country—a place forgotten by all who didn't dwell there. But like an oasis in the desert, we did have one truck that came around town once a month - THE SCHWAN'S TRUCK. While serving primarily to adults looking for overpriced frozen steaks and vegetables, they did sell a minor assortment of ice cream goods. Let me tell you, orange cream push pops never tasted so good as when I bought one from the Schwan's man. He dressed in all white like Reggie from PHANTASM and would sometimes take pity on poor country kids by putting in an extra push pop for us to fight over like wild dogs.

#2: Summer Minutiae 

I'm a big fan of waxing poetically about life, so only I could think back so nostalgically about the utter boredom summer can bring as a kid. We all remember the highs that summer can bring, but there is also beauty in the lows. While I'd take riding bikes with my friends any day, many summers were spent alone, bored in my mother's backyard garden, watching fish in the pond or imagining a safari adventure through her overgrown Pampas grass.

And if one was truly bored in the summer heat, find the closest slab of concrete and a bucket of chalk and spend your day expressing the inner Ar·teest inside of you.

#3: Water Parks! 

I have a confession – I've almost drowned twice while visiting these water-themed wonderlands. I was 11 and full of youthful confidence in my swimming abilities as I stepped foot in Lexington's Pirate-themed water park during a trip with my best friend. That was until I was pinned underwater by a giant plastic riding Crocodile like I was in a Wrestling Federation match. It takes real love to enjoy something that tries to kill you.

#4: Sleepovers

As a kid, one of the best things about summer was the Sleepover with your buddies. A one-night no-holds bar contest of wills - fueled by junk food, movies, and chaos. We had it down to a science: Blanket forts, Hot Pockets on tap, Gameboy Colors holstered in our pockets ready with Pokémon (complete with link cables), and maybe most importantly the tape rentals. Setting the mood for the night was imperative, so finding the perfect movie was the priority. STAR WARS or JURASSIC PARK were the faithful standbys, but the best nights were when someone smuggled a VHS TV recording of ROBOCOP and HALLOWEEN. It was like sneaking contraband through airport security.

#5: Jackass

While the show was watched under cloak and dagger at night, my friends and I would often recreate the extraordinary stunts we saw during the day. Johnny Knoxville had a shopping cart, but we had a Big Wheel and trashcans! Hot summer days were spent building ramps up coal piles and flying off in terror. Hi, I'm Lincoln, and this is Jackass!

#6: Calling Your Bluff

Many of my formative summer years were spent at my neighbor's kitchen table playing various card games like Canasta and Poker or Scrabble. We didn't have air conditioning, so they'd make Kool-Aid pops out of plastic ice trays wrapped in plastic with toothpicks poking into each cube. These were MacGyver: The Adolescent Years.

#7: Yard Sales

Summer is Flea Market season, Baby! Truthfully, I don't make the time for Yard Sales like I used to, but rummaging through other people's trash was like second nature as a kid. So, it was even more devastating that my mom once went without me while I stayed with my grandparents.

The fogs of memory preclude me from knowing why, but I remember being extra grumpy about life while she was gone. The childhood vitriol melted instantly when she picked me up, and I saw the treasures she'd bought me – a pristine RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK VHS tape and a MONSTER IN MY POCKET figure!

#8: It's Good to Be King

Summer wasn't summer if it didn't include one trip to King's Island - the Ohio amusement park made of dreams and overworked costumed employees. At the time, every ride and character were made to resemble Hanna-Barbera properties. Having lunch with your partner is great, but having lunch with Scooby Doo AND Space Ghost? On top of riding roller coasters? That was pure magic.

The night was complete only if I bought a blue Candy Rock stick for the ride home. It was the perfect day (Ignore that everyone but me got Pinkeye on that trip.)

I hope these memories stirred up some of your own about the magic of Summer. Thanks!! 

[aesthetikins]

church grim recipes with meat for @bitchywitchheart

i think of traditional english or scandinavian foods and i think hearty warm food. you can never go wrong with a good old beef stew in my opinion

good cuts of meat for stewing are full of collagen and are tough if cooked quickly like a steak. long, slow cooking in a stew will break these tough cuts down until they fall apart whereas cooking a lean cut like this will turn it dry and tough and unpleasant to eat. chuck, short rib, brisket, and cross cut shanks are great for stewing. you may also be able to find cuts labeled "stew meat" in the meat section of your local grocery store

old fashioned beef stew

1/4 cup flour

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1 pound beef stewing meat, trimmed and cut into cubes

5 teaspoons olive oil

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 cup red wine (you can omit this if you can't legally buy wine or don't want a mostly full bottle sitting in your house)

3 and 1/2 cups beef broth

2 bay leaves

1 medium onion, peeled and chopped

5 medium carrots, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch rounds

2 large baking potatoes, peeled and cut into 3/4-inch cubes

2 teaspoons salt

combine the flour and black pepper in a bowl. add in the cubed beef, tossing the chunks to coat them evenly in flour. heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil in a large pot. add beef to the pot a few pieces at a time, avoiding overcrowding (basically just avoid having the pieces touch, give them breathing room). cook the beef, turning it over to brown each side, about 5 minutes per batch. add more oil as needed between batches

remove the beef from the pot and add the vinegar and wine. cook over medium heat, scraping the browned beef and flour bits off of the bottom of the pan with a wooden spoon. add the beef, broth, and bay leaves. bring this to a boil, then reduce to a slow simmer

cover and cook, skimming off bubbles from the top of the broth on occasion, until the beef is tender (about 1 and 1/2 hours). add the onions and carrots, then cover and simmer for another 10 minutes. add the potatoes and simmer until all of the vegetables are tender, about 30 more minutes. add broth or water if the stew is dry. sea salt and pepper to taste

imo any stew is great with a good loaf of bread. pick your favorite kind, i think its nice with a long baguette or roll thats been slathered with butter. tear off chunks and dip it in between spoonfuls of soup

[alexiusgoesrogue]

Status Update: Day Nine

Today was yet another fun day together with Bee. Early(-ish) in the day, I went to get myself some food for the last days of my stay to have something proper for breakfast and, if necessary, dinner. Not too long after that, we headed out for the lunar new year event. Yes, a second one. But it was not as much centred around shows and performances, but rather small shops and goodies to buy revolving around the festivity. In front of the arena was a street performance which we watched. It was very humorous and impressive at the same time. Inside the actual building were many shops. I was at first tempted to get myself something, but nothing really caught my eye enough to really want it *that* much. I suppose becoming an adult really did something to my impulse control, in a good way. We also checked out the food stalls of course. Bee got us tteokbokki and a Korean hotdog, then later on cookies-and-cream ice cream for me and gelato for himself.

With our main event done, we spontaneously decided to go down to a small beach area. It was a nice place to stay and relax at, and to let my feet dangle in the water for a bit. I didn’t know it at that time, but that was where my last Polaroid picture was taken.

Nearby was a small boat restaurant which Bee wanted to eat at with me, so we ordered some fries, small hotdogs, chicken nuggets and drinks (peach ice tea for me and apple cider for Bee).

We returned to our rooms for a brief break before going out to a restaurant which Bee also wanted me to try, Sweet Mother’s Kitchen. They had ordered curly fries, chicken tenders and a coke, while I had a sirloin steak, also with curly fries and two drinks, L&P and a Malonso cocktail.

Compared to our first few days, it was rather ‘uneventful’, but still just as fun to me.

Long story short, it was a very good filled day.

Sponsorships of the day: every single meal mentioned

Food Ranking:

Tteokbokki: 2/5, it has potential to be something I like. Just as of now, I don’t have a very high tolerance for Korean levels of spiciness, and it was overall a bit too chewy for my liking.

Korean hotdog: 3/5, in itself very tasty, but I would’ve preferred a different sausage

Cookies-and-Cream ice cream: 5/5, absolute banger, no notes

Peach iced tea: 4/5, delicious and refreshing, but it could’ve used a bit more flavour to it to be perfect

Mini hotdogs, chicken nuggets, fries: 3/5, average experience, nothing much to write home about. But the sauces were pretty good

Malonso cocktail: 4/5, very interesting taste, alcohol was barely noticeable if at all. But the ice cubes did water the entire drink down very quickly.

Steak, curly fries: 4/5, very tasty and well done (except the steak was medium, haha). But the steak was a bit chewier than expected and harder to cut (perhaps because of the knife I got), and the salad was not my thing (though honestly, when has it ever been my thing?) and the dressing did soak into some of my fries, giving it a bit of a weird taste.

***

Note: I will not be adding any pictures to this post as the internet is really giving me a hard time lately. I’ll reblog this to add the pictures once I’m back home in a couple of days, or during layover at an airport

[fnaffantasy5]

Here is my mom's mashed potato recipe from when I was a kid. WARNING: NOT FOR THE LACTOSE INTOLERANT

Ingredients

3-4 large russet potatoes

Butter, Garlic powder, Sour cream, Milk, Salt

Steps:

Peel your potatoes and cube them. Put them in boiling water until soft (to check, stick a knife in one, if it doesn't break apart, or is easily lifted, keep cooking!) Transfer them to a bowl, and add a tablespoon of butter. While the potatoes are still hot, mash them until the butter has melted. After that, you wanna add a bit of milk, and a good scoop of sour cream. Periodically, add garlic powder and salt to taste. Keep adding milk and sour cream until the mixture will not accept any more fat. And you're done! Enjoy! Preferred combos- Steak or burger and broccoli. Layer in a bowl for a Savory Parfait!

[spooniechef]

Lasagne (1-2 spoons)

Another one that serves well for both your “batch cooking” needs and your “stick it in the oven for awhile without doing much else to it” needs is lasagne. I like lasagne but had never made it myself; gluten-free ready-meal lasagne exists but is too expensive, so I gave it up for awhile after discovering the gluten intolerance issue. Still, I was interested enough in trying to make my own that I asked for a baking dish for Christmas a couple of years ago, and is part of why I started getting into the concept of batch cooking to help save spoons in the first place. Lasagne’s hearty, has all the food groups you need, and keeps well in the freezer, so it seemed like a good way to start.

I’m going to start with some notes, because there’s a couple of different ways to approach lasagne sauces. You can just buy the stuff in jars, but while I recommend that for the white sauce (bechamel sauce is a pain in the ass), the red sauce in jars is never quite as good. So here’s a rough approximation of my recipe for bolognaise sauce, since it’s going to be a key component here.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1 packet ground beef (not too fatty, but not too lean either)

1 large onion, chopped

Spices to taste (I generally use paprika, chilli powder, celery salt, garlic pepper, and seasoned salt)

1/2 zucchini (or courgette if you live on my side of the Atlantic), quartered

1 packet button mushrooms, sliced

1 can / packet passatta (if you can’t find passatta, just get a can of chopped tomatoes and use a blender / hand mixer to get the right consistency)

2 tablespoons tomato puree

3-6 cloves garlic, minced

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1 tablespoon steak sauce (A1 works best, but any barbecue sauce will do)

1 tablespoon soy sauce

1/2 teaspoon tabasco sauce

1 beef stock cube

Pepper, basil, oregano, sage, thyme to taste

Quick note on the herbs - I'm generally talking about fresh herbs in those situations. Another thing I did when I got my diagnosis was start an herb garden on my balcony and windowsills. I highly recommend it for the dedicated foodie - even those of us with limited spoons. I’ll go into why in another entry, and show just what can be accomplished with limited spoons and a north-facing apartment in a country famous for being overcast a lot. But for those who don’t have an herb garden, use about a half-teaspoon each of dried or a tablespoon or so of the mixed Italian herb blends you can buy and that should be fine.

Here’s what you do:

Spice the meat to taste; in a large, deep frying pan, cook the meat and onion until the beef is mostly browned and the onions are transparent

Add garlic, mushrooms and zucchini; heat for 1-2 minutes

Add everything else; stir thoroughly so everything is fully mixed

If you have one, put a lid on the pan; let simmer on medium-low heat for at least 20 minutes

The stock cube gives the sauce a nice bit of earthy richness, and the various sauces give it a bit of depth and kick - all of it acting as a complement to the beef. If you’re a vegetarian, just leave out the beef and the beef stock cube and use the entire courgette and another packet of button mushrooms.

This is good as a batch-cooking staple because it keeps well, freezes well, and can be used either just as a standalone pasta sauce, as the sauce for a pasta bake, or as the red sauce for a lasagne. Because it keeps so well, you don’t even have to decide on which right away. But for the sake of the rest of this post, lasagne.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1 can white sauce (otherwise known as bechamel; if you want to make it yourself, you’re a braver person than I am)

Red sauce (see above, or use your own variation, or just a jar of the store-bought stuff in a pinch)

Little bit of oil or butter

1 packet lasagne sheets

1 packet cheese (cheddar or mozarella) to top

This becomes a one-spoon recipe if your red and white sauces are pre-made, one way or the other. It’s a two-spoon recipe if you’re making bolognaise for it fresh on the day. I figure trying to make your own white sauce would bring it up to three spoons, which is why I don’t advise it.

Here’s what you do:

Preheat oven to about 355F (180C, 160C fan assist, gas mark 4)

Grease your baking dish on all sides and along the bottom (this will stop things sticking to the baking dish and make serving and cleaning easier)

Coat the bottom of the baking dish with a layer of the red sauce; cover with a layer of lasagne sheets; spread a layer of white sauce over that

Keep alternating red / noodle / white for about three layers (that should see you to the end of the jar of white sauce); make sure that the top layer is completely covered by the white sauce

Top the entire thing with a layer of cheese

Bake for 45 minutes or until the top is bubbling and lightly browned

Just one note this time, and it’s about the same as the one I gave about the chicken broccoli pasta bake - if you’re using dairy-free cheese, you probably won’t get the same bubbling and browning as you would with regular cheese. You should still take it out of the oven at about the 45 minute mark.

So there you go - two recipes for the (nonexistent) price of one - pasta sauce and lasagne. Depending on your preferred portion size, the lasagne should make 4-6 servings, and again, it keeps well and freezes well, so it’s good even if you only have yourself to cook for.

[voraciousvore]

In the Belly of the Giant (19/39)

***Contains soft, nonfatal vore and some drug use***

Chapter 19

Trent deposited Eren on the dining room table and pulled a big pork chop out of the fridge to fry up. Humming to himself, he slapped the meat in one of his unwashed pans from the sink and cooked it on the stovetop. Eren grimaced as she was reminded of all the roaches crawling around amongst the dishes. Trent was a contemptible, lowlife wretch and obviously didn’t care about cleanliness.  

Eren cursed her puny size as she quickly surveyed the table. Here she was, standing right next to a gun and a knife, and still defenseless. She wouldn’t be able to even lift the giant weapons, much less use them. She paced around on the table, looking over the edge for some way to get off, but she had nothing to climb down on or cushion her fall. She figured Trent must have set her up intentionally, to make her feel small and insignificant. 

The giant’s shadow fell over her as he returned to the table. Even though she was aware that anything she did was pointless, she ducked behind one of the objects on the table that was nearby, the vial. He plunked down a giant plate with the cooked slab of meat on it, along with a fork and knife, and paused, thinking to himself. He went over to the fridge and obtained a bottle of barbeque sauce, then came back and sat down. Eren followed his every movement with trepidation. 

“Take your pill,” Trent demanded harshly. Her bottle of pills was on the table from the prior night. The giant rolled the bottle towards her with the tip of his finger. Eren looked at the bottle with fear. Trent popped his own pill, dumped sauce all over his pork chop, and began eating his dinner, tearing apart the meat with vigorous strokes of the serrated steak knife. He hardly seemed to chew at all, opting instead to swallow down the cut-up chunks of meat whole. Eren supposed that fact was good for her, because at least he wasn’t inclined to chew her up when she was inside his mouth. 

Reminding herself that she needed to stall long enough for Joey to come rescue her, Eren bitterly swallowed her own capsule. She couldn’t see any other way out of her predicament, after all. She absolutely did not want to die inside Trent’s body. It was bad enough to stew inside his stomach for hours, but imagining her flesh dissolving off her bones into ribbons as she was digested alive was too much for her to handle. 

She tried in vain to mentally steel herself for the torture that was to come, but she was startled when Trent poured barbeque sauce all over her. He scooped her up with his fork, careful not to stab her, and slapped her down on top of the half-eaten cut of pork. She quivered with fear as the hungry giant, so incredibly massive, loomed over her, eager to wolf her down. Trent ate around her to prolong her suffering, chopping up the meat into cubes with the huge, shiny knife, impaling them fiercely with his fork, and stuffing them in his mouth with a mischievous grin. Eren flinched away from the gigantic eating utensils whenever they hovered too close to her. The giant used this to his advantage to viciously chase her back with the point of his knife, only to sneak up behind her with the fork and scrape her up off the meat. She yelped in shock and tried to retreat, but he had already raised her up too high off the table for her to jump off. She clung to the teeth of the fork, terrified both of falling and of being eaten. 

The giant rested the splines of the fork on the edge of his lower lip and bared his teeth at Eren. She shrieked and scuttled back but had nowhere to go. He opened his rows of teeth and stuck out his tongue, giving her an exploratory lick on her breasts and face. As he suspected, her flavor matched very well with the sauce. Eren whimpered and started to cry. He opened his mouth, tilting his head and the fork back so Eren slid inside onto his big, meaty tongue. Her screams of protest were muffled as he closed his capacious maw around her, cradling her on his tongue. He rolled the little woman around inside his slimy mouth, slurping up the sauce coating her body and drenching her with saliva.  

Ah, she tasted so good. He was hungry. He could feel her miniscule limbs moving around, trying to push away from his teeth and tongue. He felt a small pinch on his tongue as she tried to bite him. She was so feisty. How cute. He raised his tongue toward the roof of his mouth like a ramp, and she slipped into his gullet. He swallowed with tremendous pleasure and felt her weak struggles as she slid down his throat. He placed his fingers on his skin and traced her journey all the way down through his chest and lower until she dropped into his stomach. He rested his hand on his abdomen for a moment as he felt her thrashing around inside his belly. He lowered his hand further, running his fingers along his skin under the waistband of his boxers until he was gripping his rock-hard cock. All her robust efforts to get free from his body had turned him on again. As a young man in his prime, he was always horny. He jacked himself off, getting more and more excited as Eren’s battle with his innards became more heated and desperate. 

Once he finished himself off, he sighed with satisfaction and returned to eating his pork chop. As he swallowed bites of his dinner, he could feel Eren running around frantically in his gut. He imagined what she must be going through, trying to dodge falling chunks of meat and splashes of putrid acid blindly in pure blackness, as her tiny feet sank into the squishy flesh of his stomach lining and she sloshed though the bubbling juices. He smirked. He liked the mental image of her suffering.  

Trent gulped down the last bite of pork and wondered what to do next. His eyes wandered over to the vial and syringes on the table. He had pilfered them off of one of the men he had killed today. The vial contained some sort of new synthetic medical drug that was potent enough to make its way to the streets, one he hadn’t tried yet. Trent was impulsive and dissolute, and always willing to indulge in a new vice to add to his long list of debauched sins, so he decided to shoot up. He filled the syringe, stuck the needle in the thick vein in his arm, and pushed the plunger down. The powerful liquid hit his bloodstream like a kick from a mule. 

On the inside, Eren was panting for breath as she stood in churning gastric juices up past her knees. The last couple of minutes had been a pure nightmare as large hunks of meat had rained down from the entrance to the stomach above her. A direct hit would have drowned her in acid. The vile substance had splashed her like hot sparks. Even though the pill protected her from getting scalded or boiled alive, she still hated the foul stuff contacting her skin. The stomach gurgled loudly and a half-digested chunk of food bumped into her side. She shirked away and leaned uncomfortably against one of the curved, shifting stomach walls. 

Trent’s pulse suddenly rocketed up again, and he started breathing very rapidly. He had been excited earlier, but now his heart was pounding extremely fast, like a piston in an engine. If he were a car, his tachometer would be in overspeed. Eren started to get worried as the sound of his thumping heart thundered loudly through the hollow cavity. She didn’t care about his health at all, but she didn’t exactly want him to have a heart attack while she was trapped inside his body. His internal organs had always been unbearably hot, but now his body temperature seemed to increase too. What was going on? 

Eren let out a cry as Trent unexpectedly stood up, knocking her over into a squishy, soggy lump. Impulsively, she clambered up onto what she recognized as a floating piece of meat, to get out of the polluted waters. Unfortunately, the buoyant chunk capsized and dunked her back in. Eren hardly had time to recover before Trent moved again, hurling her into the pulsating folds of his stomach lining. 

She didn’t know why Trent was so excessively energetic, but he seemed to be pacing, with jerky, agitated movements. The sea of acid frothed and boiled into tumultuous waves, tossing Eren around as she bathed in pure misery alongside dissolving pork chunks. Much like Trent, with his overstimulated drug-fueled high, was bouncing off the walls in his apartment, Eren was bouncing off the fleshy walls of his belly. His dinner was beginning to come apart and break down into smaller pieces as it was digested, but Eren remained intact. 

After an extended period of hyperactivity, Trent cooled down and sprawled out on his bed. Eren was discombobulated to find her world turned completely sideways. To her relief, his energy had run out, calming the stormy ocean of acid within him, and his cardiovascular system was winding down. Now, she only had to contend with the rhythmic churning, bubbling, and noisy rumbling of his stomach as it carried out the natural process of digestion. 

His breathing turned into a heavy, steady whooshing, and his heart ticked with the precision of a clock. Eren began to get scared again for a whole different reason. Trent wasn’t moving at all now. Judging by the rate of his vitals, he might even be asleep. She body slammed his stomach wall with all the momentum she could muster, to see if he would react, and nothing happened. Her fear was escalating into panic. If he was asleep, and she couldn’t wake him up, he wouldn’t let her out. The effects of the pill would wear off, and she would die a horrible, pointless death as she was digested alive. She was in serious danger. 

As if to confirm her worst fears, she began to feel an unpleasant tingling on her skin that she hadn’t experienced prior. She must have been marinating inside him for a couple of hours by now. Thinking fast, Eren groped around the walls, kicking and punching for good measure to see if she could wake up the giant. Apparently, he was dead to the world. Since he was laying supine, she decided to see if she could reach the top of his stomach, which would normally be impossible when he was in a vertical position, and climb out. She reached a slope and used the wrinkles in the stomach lining as handholds to pull herself up onto the shore of the acid sea. Crawling blindly forward, she felt the flesh chamber narrowing until she bumped into a tight ring of muscle. She forced it open with her hands and jammed herself though. 

The stomach didn’t like having food come back up, and the muscle heaved around her reflexively, trying to shove her back inside. She fought against the force and managed to squeeze her whole body through. To her surprise, Trent still didn’t wake up. She found herself now in the narrow tunnel of his esophagus. Thankful that she wasn’t claustrophobic, Eren slithered through the constricted fleshy tube with lithe movements, feeling and hearing the organs of Trent’s giant body working all around her like the components of a living machine, pumping and flowing and gurgling. The surreal, disturbing effect was heightened by the fact that she couldn’t see anything, so her other senses were more sensitive to every bizarre sound, every fetid smell, every wet, hot, pulsing touch. 

As miserable as the situation was, Eren felt a glimmer of hope. If she could make it out of Trent’s giant body without waking him from his stupor, she might be able to escape, and find her way back to Joey. She was reminded of a story she heard about a man escaping prison by tunneling through a sewer pipe. She figured that the man in the story must’ve felt the same way as she did right now, crawling through hell to get to freedom.  

The giant’s esophagus felt like it was miles long, and her limbs started to cramp up from her constrained movements. Her skin was tingling to the point where it was close to burning. Eren thought to herself with some consternation that even if she got out alive, her skin might peel off from all the acid. She swallowed her fears and kept moving. One problem at a time. She had to escape first. 

Her hands sank into thick, slimy goop, and she realized with disgust that Trent had bile in his throat. She pressed onward and waded through the globs of phlegm. The anatomy of the restrictive tube around her seemed to change and widen, and she recognized she must be close to entering Trent’s mouth. Woefully, since she was in total blackness, she was disoriented with her unfamiliar surroundings and made the lamentable error of sticking her hand into the entrance to Trent’s windpipe. She may have avoided this transgression, had she recognized the flow of air from the open pipe, but his breath was flowing through his throat as well and caused her confusion, since she thought she was closer to his gullet. 

Nonetheless, this mistake cost her dearly, because Trent was choked awake by the sudden blockage. The flesh all around her retched and squeezed with deafening sound and she was violently flung back up into his mouth. She could see light again, filtered through a cage of giant teeth. Trent hacked her up, covered in bodily fluids, into his hand. He coughed a few more times to rid himself of the unpleasant tickling in his throat. Eren was stunned, and crestfallen that she woke up Trent, but also relieved to finally be out in open space, in the cool air again. 

Trent seemed dazed and confused. “How...” he began to say, until his eyes drifted over to the clock, and he saw how long it had been since he first swallowed her. “Shit.” He hurried over to the kitchen sink and turned on the faucet. Without waiting for the sink to fill, he lowered his giant hand with Eren in his palm underneath the stream of water and rinsed her off. Ignoring her sputtering, he pumped some liquid soap into his hand and rubbed it all over her body with his clumsy fingers. Eren hated being handled by him so rudely, but she understood the acid needed to be removed from her skin expediently. Besides, after her awful journey she was exhausted. She went limp with resigned fatigue as he washed her off. 

Once she was clean, he took her up in his hand towards his face and examined her for a moment. He was still puzzled how she ended up so far up his throat without him noticing. She looked back blankly as she huddled up into a ball in the curve of his palm, defeated. As her shock wore off, she recognized that she had messed up her only chance to escape from him, and she was devastated. He put her back in the terrarium, shaking his head, and clamped down the lid. Eren buried herself in the blankets and watched warily as Trent returned to bed.  

She had known from the beginning that she couldn’t trust Trent to be responsible with her life, but her near-death experience had shaken her. He had almost killed her with his mere negligence, not even with sadistic intent to kill. She shuddered hard. Joey had better hurry up and rescue her before it was too late. 

Chapter 20

Chapter 1

[looming-toons]

The weird substance A BFDI/BFB g/t story p3

Ruby and flower asked match what happened to see if there’s any clues from the origin to what could cure her  Match told them everything about how she drank the weird substance (ha name drop)  because pencil didn’t want to drink it and she wanted to prove that it wasn’t poisonous although to be fair she should’ve probably second guest but she thought it was some new flavour Or something but it made her sick to her stomach and She started to grow bigger and stronger thanaccidentally burnt down the steakhouse 

Match then realize how adorable they look so small and delicate so  small and precious she really appreciates their help though so she tries not to make them feel well small but that doesn’t stop the desires to grab  as she zones out thinking about  how cute the others would look In her hands especially her pence pence her adorable scared demanding controlling little Pence Pence  wonder if she could boss her around now no that’s not the way to think after all they’re girlfriends right? But then why did she leave without at least checking Flower was getting uncomfortable

Flower: Match we’re trying to help you stop staring at us

Match: sorry you just look so adorable at this size

Flower:  like a Beautiful adorable?

Match:  sure we’ll go with that

Flower: then I’ll take it!  keep Staring away then! Ahhh hey I said nothing about picking up!

Match: i um sorry I couldn’t control my reflexes (puts her down)

Ruby: i want uppies match!

Match: ok then (picks her up)

Ruby: weeeee! This is fun! Maybe it would be cool if you could stay like this

Match: I don’t like think so I really want to get back to normal I can’t even imagine what the rest of goiky would think especially after destroying gelatin steakhouse by accident

Flower: that’s it gelatin! He must know the cure if he made The substance! Ruby you stay here with Match I’m gonna go see him!

flowers then goes off to see gelatin she eventually finds him talking with The rest of newbie alliance  but for some reason he had a blackeye

Flower: oh thank goodness gelatin I need your hel gelatin are you OK?!

Gelatin: oh hey flower pencil just punched me in the face so I’m not sure about what level of OK I’m on 

Flower: why would she do that

Gelatin: because she blames me for matches disappearance but I know match isn’t dead I just have no idea where she is but I hope to God what I think happened didn’t happen

Flower: Well turns out she did take that Substance you made by accident and now she is a giant

Gelatin: oh no I was fearing this!

Flower: don’t worry she’s pretty calm right now

Gelatin: here’s the thing she’s only calm right now!  this is only the first stage Originally I made The serum to enlarge the meat supplies for my steak but turns out they had a horrible side effect to wear the consumer becomes a huge beast of mass distraction That can’t even control themself As they grow a God complex from the sheer power making others cower! I tested it out on a bug by the way

Flower: I wish you didn’t tell me the bug part wait? distraction?!

Gelatin: yeah we had to burn the bug because it was destroying everything but I don’t think that would work with match

Leafy:  thank goodness The other freesmarter‘s don’t know about what happened

(suddenly the whole freesmart excluding Ruby and Match arrive looking really upset) 

Pencil what’s this I hear about you mutating my girlfriend into a monster! Do you want another black eye! 

Book: yeah I really didn’t wanna be a part of this but this is pretty worrisome

Bubble: honestly same here but I feel like I need to help

 Gelatin: how did you find out!

(teardrop hides her phone and high-fives ice cube) 

Ice cube: us H20 gals have to stick together plus I wanted revenge and why not gossip

Flower: oh no I left Ruby with match how long does it take till stage two happens?!

Gelatin: we better go find them!