#Is Watanuki a dream of waking then?

[completeoveranalysis]

[15]

HELLO HELLO LOOK AT THIS WORDING 

Not “brothers” like the general theory goes but “the same”

So that theory post isn’t looking as off the walls as it felt at the time 

Maybe Watanuki really is the Egg to Lava Lamp’s Tampopo.

I genuinely am not quite sure what this means in general but it’s a self described future defining development and I believe Yuuko when she says things.

…

I HAVE QUESTIONS.

So is Watanuki still a dream in nature that will get to be real through gathered experience and wishing hard enough? 

(And what is Yuuko?)

Was Watanuki like… the dream reflection accidental existence baby version of Lava Lamp (because of Sakura being in the world of dreams??) who is now his own separate person fighting to retain his existence in the physical world? 

And what future did Watanuki change by wanting to exist to prevent others from being sad?

I think I can safely assume this isn’t the final moment but it sure feels like a big moment all the same.

[asianwhumpgalore]

xxxHOLiC (ホリック xxxHOLiC) | Jmovie | Whump List

Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Drama, Supernatural, Fantasy, Suspense, Investigation

Synopsis: High school student Watanuki Kimihiro has the ability to see spirits and monsters but is actually plagued with them. Coming home one day, he’s once again assailled by evil apparitions but his feet lead him to a strange shop. There he encounters Ichihara Yuko, the mysterious owner who offers to grant Watanuki’s wish to be rid of the spirits. But the price must be of equal value, so Watanuki has to temporarily work for her in her shop that grant wishes. Thus begins his adventures in an world full of supernatural experiences.

Length: 1hr, 50 min

Whump meter: ▲▲◭△△ 

✨A whimsical dark surrealist fever dream in the best way possible. Visual stunner and very unusual.✨

⚠️Trigger Content: Blood, fantasy violence, some SA ⚠️⚠️Some SPOILERS will be found, proceed with caution⚠️⚠️

Whumpee: Watanuki Kimihiro portrayed by Kamiki Ryunosuke

00:45 | Running away from a dark force/energy, fighting against it, continues running away.

32:30 | Struck in the chest by a dark forced while trying to save someone, falls to the ground, darkness crawling up his neck, clutching chest, groaning, concern for him, writhing on the ground, labored breathing, struggles to get up only to fall onto his knees, whimpering, held | Bridal carried | Neck seen bandaged.

45:30 | Concerned for friend, grabbed by dark force, levitated into the air and throw off stairwell, concern for him, falls 3+ stairs into stacked glass, (in world) lying unresponsive, eye 'pulled out' (not graphic), screaming out in agony. (back in reality) Bloody hand bleeding onto white floor, wakes up wearing an eyepatch, seemingly not hurt, confused as to what happened.

48:15 | Reaches into pool of water and the dark force grabs him and pulls him under, (presumably in vision) lying in the rain, witnessing the death of his mother again, screaming, falls to his knees, wakes up suddenly.

01:08:50 | (continuation from fall scene recalled by a character) hand bleeding excessively, glass on his body, bleeding from the head, concern for him, held up by friend, struggling to speak, apologizing, unconscious, taken to be treated, bloody eye (non graphic), lying unresponsive on couch, flinches when eye is 'replaced'. (back in present) concerned for friend, guilty.

01:18:00 | Manhandled, pushed and thrown onto the floor, cries out in pain, clutching chest, writhing on the floor, pulled to his feet by his clothes, mocked and taunted, arm twisted behind his back, groaning, panting, choked, shoved onto the floor, dragged across the floor by his jacket, thrown, rolls across the floor and hits the wall, groaning, stepped on, thrown against friend, on the ground, dragged across the floor telekinetically, struggling to resist, concerned for friend, (in alternate reality) bound in a web made of red string. [01:25:16] Pierced by the red string and it starts tightly binding up his entire body and head, screams out in pain. Saved.

01:32:34 | Attacked by dark force, struggling to shoot a magical bow, screams, falls to the ground, panting.

[spuddy-potat]

Watanuki Kimihiro Whump List (xxxHOLiC)

its finally here!!! i know i said i would make this months ago but i finally got around to finishing it!! its my first whump list so i may have missed a few things (let me know if i should add anything!!) but i hope you find this helpful <3

note: Watanuki is affected by the presence of certain types of negative energy which make him feel ill (often shown by coughing, covering his mouth/nose, or gagging)–he reacts to it numerous times throughout the series so it will be referred to as "ghost energy" in this list.

includes some Doumeki whump as an added bonus!!

SEASON 1 1.01: chased, knocked down by spirits (comedic), trips 1.02: cooking mishap (comedic) x2, ghost energy 1.03: ghost energy, accosted by spirits, briefly unconscious(?) after nearly falling off the roof Doumeki bonus: dislocated shoulder 1.04: reference to parents' death 1.05: chased by spirits 1.06: freaked out by Yuuko's shortcut, ghost energy (coughing 1.07: bonked by umbrella (comedic) x2, dragged under hydrangea, ghost energy, unconscious Doumeki bonus: bonked by umbrella (comedic), tired from waiting/digging in the rain for hours, Yuuko mentions that his injury is aggravated by the rain 1.08: ghost energy x2 1.09: "strangled" by Kudagitsune (comedic), yanked around by Kudagitsune x2, Doumeki-induced collapse (comedic) 1.10: freaked out by ghost stories, slapped by Yuuko (comedic), freaked out by spirits, grabbed/restrained 1.11: falls from the sky, bonked by umbrella (comedic)         Doumeki bonus: soul removed, passes out (10:00), head bonked, unconscious for most of the episode 1.12: carries heavy luggage (comedic), hurts wrist trying to turn a handle (comedic), freaked out by spirit, grabbed 1.13: arm slashed 1.14: ghost energy (dizzy(?)) x2, Himawari-induced half-collapse (comedic) 1.15: none         Doumeki bonus: tea spilled on arm 1.16: bothered by Kudagitsune (heavy), nearly collapses(?) after chase 1.17: slapped with bouquet of flowers 1.18: slams face into wall youkai, falls from the sky 1.19: smacks face on tree (comedic) 1.21: trips, nightmare, body feels heavy, collapses, freaked out by spirit, childhood flashback, reference to parents' death 1.22: reference to parents' death x2, coughing x8, not eating as much (small detail), passes out x2 (16:15)(22:00), weak, childhood flashback, coughing up blood 1.23: weak, passes out x3 (3:30)(5:00)(15:25), coughing x4, nightmare, crying x3, nearly collapses, heavy breathing, worsening cough 1.24: childhood flashback [freaked out by spirit, reference to parents' death, loss of friend]

SEASON 2 (POTENTIAL SPOILER WARNING) 2.01: strange dream, blindness in right eye, split vision         Doumeki bonus: eye pain, collapse (7:00), eye sealed shut 2.02: split vision x2, smacked by Karasutengu 2.03: ghost energy x2 (weak, nearly collapses), collapses (4:52), cuts hand with glass, split vision, restrained x2, choked, eye swallowed, passes out x2 (15:30)(20:25) 2.04: grabbed/restrained, unconscious, passes out (8.55) 2.06: hopelessly bad at mahjong (collapses numerous times in defeat–comedic) 2.07: pinky hurts, trips 2.08: pinky hurts/spills tea on hand 2.09: hot tea thrown at face 2.10: cold water thrown at face 2.11: pinky hurts x3 (worsening pain), freaked out, falls out window (15:17), almost dies, sees parents in a dream/hallucination(?)–appears as a child, crying 2.12: unconscious for 6 days         Doumeki bonus: blood loss

SHUNMUKI (OVA) ep 1: Doumeki-induced freak-out (comedic), flashback [lonely], embarrassed x3 ep 2: passes out (offscreen), wakes up on the floor

ROU (OVA) ep 1: crying ep 2: wakes up on the floor

MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM (MOVIE) bothered by spirits, embarrassed (kinda cute), ghost energy (gags, has to leave the room), strange dream, falls from a balcony, smacked by a piece of wood, nearly falls off a ledge

2022 LIVE ACTION MOVIE* (POTENTIAL SPOILER WARNING) chased by spirits, stands on the roof (WHY?????), bumps into Doumeki and falls like a moe girl, stabbed in the shoulder/neck, collapses (32:30), tries to stand up and collapses like a moe girl (34:24), carried bridal-style by Doumeki, falls down a stairwell (but its ok he got better), eye stolen, dragged into pond, nightmare [witnesses mother's death], wakes up on the ground, time loop, pushed down, arm twisted, choked, dragged, restrained x2, sexually harrassed by Jourogumo (too many times, i refused to keep count), crying

*im gonna be honest watching this movie was kind of a nightmare, its super out of character and condenses/rewrites the story in weird ways (dont even get me started on Jourogumo). i dont recommend this movie if you care about the integrity of these characters and story tbh. however, i thought i should include it for the sake of completion 😔. cool visuals tho.

[noa-ciharu]

Idk what to do with this information, but I just had a dream where Watanuki is crowned the [something I can't remember] Cringe Bisexual and Honorary Disaster Gay

Wake up babe new xxxholic chapter just dropped

[bellshazes]

do it again director's commentary part 3

one evening as the golden hour light begins to creep across his desk it catches the courage crystal sitting there and refracts shattered patterns that waver back and forth along the walls. When Etho stumbles in, gripping a coffee mug with both hands and squinting at the last dregs of daylight, it catches him too and he’s lit up in flames. Bdubs’ heart seizes up as Etho tilts his head down to try and keep the light from his eyes, the deepened burning shadow transforming his face into something menacing and sharp.

this one was for the girlies who appreciate etho always dying in fire <3 and also as close to textually suggesting the courage crystal is a significant source of bdubs' paranoia, bc it does its opposite.

Etho sits up gingerly and tries to wiggle his feet out from underneath Bdubs. “Oh boy, you’re loud. What time is it?” He blearily squints at the clock on Bdubs’ nightstand; he’s not wearing his glasses, or they fell off in the falling over. “What are you doing in my room?”

i really like this part bc the image amuses me so much but also: i was thinking specifically of doumeki shizuka for this. and bdubs plays watanuki. it's just the holic influence, you know how it is with 104.

That acute awareness of absence carries him to a red seance, and when he hears Joel and Grian calling his name he doesn’t even mind the racket they’re causing and scribbles clues into the redstone dust they’ve scattered on the ground. Betrayal doesn’t come to mind at all as he tells them where the others had gone to hide.

nobody talks about the fact that bdubs answering the seance DIRECTLY led to them getting a kill on i think perhaps even cleo??? definitely someone bdubs had cared about. like he really does that. does anybody remember this it makes me sooooo crazy. the post-death influence bdubs had on the actual events of the world is important to the themes of dia, but it's also that i wanted to emphasize that etho never tried to talk to or acknowledge bdubs-as-ghost, even though it was something he could have done. I dont feel strongly about whether, in DIA-verse, he would have known he could do. but it's made relevant in the final chapter when etho says he said something when he was a ghost in case bdubs was still listening.

He’s never been good when left alone, with no one to orbit around and make sense of his place in the world. That’s the problem with putting your heart into one person’s hands: when they’re gone, you’re left heartless. A clock, a life, a question - whatever the promise, he’ll always take it if it means an end to loneliness.

i'm really maybe most proud of this part in the whole fic. i like the prose and i think it explains exactly what i want it to about bdubs being a loyal guy with loose morals and a desperate need for connection. it's not even that directly prevalent in LL but i think his bizarre version of commitment to specific persons is what drives the other recklessness.

It’s the only thing that makes sense; in the dreams that increasingly invade his waking hours as distant overlays, a disorienting kind of deja vu, Etho is overjoyed to torment him with the possibility of his imminent demise at Etho’s hands and sends him on a suicide mission that ends with Bdubs shouting Etho’s name as he dies. 

in the beginning couple chapters i deliberately left bdubs' memory of being killed ambigous so that it was reasonable he might think he was yelling at etho, who directly killed him. now, he remembers more, and his fear develops into less the physical harm and more the emotional betrayal of being thrown away, like he expresses to cleo earlier. but the loop of fearful suspicion kind of shifts without his conscious awareness; he only suspected initially because of the physical threat, and now he's less sure of that, but has invented new reasons to be afraid.

“Little guy!” Bdubs shouts, and then scowls when Jellie disdainfully hops away from them. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do, get me distracted so I don’t get my refund. You can’t fool old Bdubs that easy, I tell you what. No - seriously, I mean it. Scar, look at me.”

writing for bdubs' voice is never easier than when he's talking to scar. all his usefully recognizable patterns come up so strongly, so easily. maybe partially because it's easiest for me to hear him cutting himself off to say the same thing in a different way for emphasis, or change the direction of the sentence entirely halfway in when scar is being sneaky and throwing curveballs at him.

“Well,” says Scar, gleeful in a way he instantly pretends to regret, clapping one hand over his heart. “If you can tell me about your dreams I’ll tell you about mine. Grian always gives me such a hard time for caring about dreaming that I used to be a wizard who made the world better with my magic because he doesn’t believe in it in the real world, but you and I know better. “

scar mainly dreams of s7 because of the continuity of his character selling crystals. it's also because he gave and received the most lives, which is the other criteria i used to measure how much a given character might remember with a crystal or after an inciting incident (like falling off the roof, bdubs' questioning of cleo).

“At this point I think Etho’s problem with you is more about not being able to one-up you when you’re going on about whatever thing he’s logically opposed to, way more than whatever it was you did to piss him off way back when.” 

etho doesn't like magic and thinks scar's a terrible influence on bdubs - which is absolutely 1000% true. he does like the mutual manipulation, but only in the light back-and-forth, and it's not really an old grudge or anything.

He had less of a choice than he realized in that moment, but he knows he would have signed anyway, not yet understanding what else Etho would ask him to give up for Etho’s own self-preservation. 

you ever think about how etho asked bdubs to give up something of himself without question twice and twice bdubs barely hesitated before doing it and once it was already over was when he fully grasped the consequences? me neither.

Bdubs thinks about how close he’d come to working for Scar, before he had built up his client list and had regular business after college. How appalled Etho had been, enough to point out that even on their meager incomes they could easily afford a two bedroom apartment on the same block as Skizz and Tango if they moved in together. So he’d taken graveyard shifts where he could find them and told Scar no instead, which was harder than he expected, even before Scar started wheedling. It had felt strangely like giving up something familiar, even though he’d known Etho for longer.

before 90s au there was a DIA offshoot that was set on one side or the other of s7 instead of s8 and paralleled the mayoral arc because bdubs never moves in with etho because he accepts the offer to work for scar instead of needing to split rent and etho is vaguely horrified and not as close but as much of nuisance a la the resistance double-siding stuff. a lot of that got rolled into 90s au though, which i think improves on it by having etho run a shade-e-ees esque side business out of what's basically a DIY container home situation everyone calls the monstrosity. (impulse crashes there frequently too, on account of it also being foreshadowing for the wool castle of 3L).

"That man has a hold on me I guess," bdubs says in LL about scar when questioned why he keeps falling for the BS. you know how it is with mayors

It’s the same shade of red as the dust he’d scrawled his ghostly message in, and he decides he’s had enough of loneliness for several lifetimes.

rage crystal! which, spoilers, chills tango out in another inversion. and like in LL, tango later gives it to etho.

Skizz pauses. “I don’t know what’s up with you and Tango, but I’m glad you’re doing something about it. I miss hanging out with my buddies, we’ve gotta get the band back together. Etho’s been harder to get a hold of too lately and everything is just all weird. I don’t like it.”

it's a shame i needed to keep my character focus really small if i ever wanted to finish the fic, and that i don't feel super confident writing skizz or tango. one day i WILL finish that third-done skizz+scar scene though..... i hope i did him justice

[sakuraswordly]

From what @completeoveranalysis said:

The wording might not be an exact translation either but when Fai says "he lived through Syaoran-kun all the days of his life" it really hammers home that his whole life was just whatever Syaoran was doing. He didn't have anything else going on, or any input (most of the time), he just had to live it. And on the one hand, there have been some benefits to that. Learning Kurogane's sweet sweet dance moves, for one (and saving Watanuki's life, for another) but on the other hand, he's lived this entire journey and knows (and FEELS) every bit of closeness that this family has grown between them, but they don't know him at all. He's finally living the life he only got to watch before, but now he's an outsider in a way he never was before. Because he knows THEM, but they don't know who HE is. 

It's a really fascinating inversion of the fact that our original Syaoran was actually the clone. Because while he was technically an artificial person, he was more real to the dads, to us, and to Sakura. So while Lava Lamp is actually the "real" Syaoran, he's still the second place replacement and a stranger to (which are the qualities you might expect from a clone). 

Real Syaoran didn't just look, but his body learned from the fake Syaoran or clone Syaoran. If you look at it alone, you probably won't be able to.

It seems Real Syaoran's heart and half of his power did affect Clone Syaoran too and can able to control Clone Syaoran's body like what Real Syaoran did in Tsubasa chronicle Vol 9 Chapter 65

That's why Real Syaoran really hope for Clone Syaoran to be himself one day too.

And clip video from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Ep 35 and Tsubasa Tokyo Revelations.

That's why every time a clone Syaoran dreams about another Syaoran. Another Syaoran tries to kill him.

This dream means if Real Syaoran wakes up mean likely kill Clone Syaoran's heart because Clone Syaoran didn't have a heart in the first place.

That's why Fai did anything to seal Real Syaoran's heart for Clone Syaoran to not forget the love and feeling for people around him and Sakura.

[merry-maker-of-marks]

I probably wont get an answer to this, but I've got to ask somewhere.

I'm reading xxxHolic (or really, finished reading xxxHolic) and I can't figure out if the Doumeki in xxxHoloc Rei is Shizuka Doumeki or Sayaka Doumeki. The fandom wiki says that it's Sayaka Doumeki, but I'm pretty sure it's Shizuka???

I think that because of the way Watanuki treats him and because when Watanuki wakes up in the third volume, he mentions Himawari, and Doumeki answers as if she's still alive, meaning it couldn't have been over a hundred years later. Unless Himawari named her child after herself, and like the Doumeki's, kept in contact with Watanuki through generations.

But also Watanuki sees Yuuko in a dream, which he wasn't able to do until the last chapter of OG xxxHolic??

So I have a lot of confusion.

[floatingcatacombs]

Why Is CLAMP Like This, Part IV

12 Days of Aniblogging 2021, Day 10

Yet again I am here to review each CLAMP manga in chronological order. We've finally reached the 2010s, and yet again I am not impressed.

In case you missed it, yesterday's post can be found here. It may be relevant for my thoughts on the sequels to xxxHolic and Tsubasa.

Gate 7

Gate 7 definitely puts its worst foot forwards. Our main character is, of all things, a Kyoto otaku, obsessed with the city’s history and everything in it. After a fate encounter with a Mysterious Yet Childish Girl Who Immediately Falls In Love With Him, he ends up joining the group house of some university students embroiled in a larger supernatural conflict. The manga routinely references Japanese history and mythology without much explanation, which can frequently leave readers confused if they aren’t already familiar. Bless the scanlators for trying their best to give context at the end of each chapter, though. Early chapters of the manga also feature jarring scanned photo backgrounds, which do not mesh at all with CLAMP’s artstyle.

But then things get better. The conflict is finally explained as “reincarnations of Japanese warlords settle feuds from the Warring States Period by duking it out with Stand-like oni”, which is way simpler then they make it out to be at first. The artwork is top-quality.. New characters are gradually introduced and their designs feel original and distinct, which is something CLAMP struggles with in many other series. Yukimura Sanada is really hot.

The sides of the conflict are established, the intrigue deepens, and what happens next? Four volumes in, CLAMP halts Gate 7 to make space for their sequels to xxxHolic and Tsubasa. Ugh.

CLAMP BULLSHIT-O-METER: 2/5

OVERALL RATING: 3/5

-

Drug & Drop

CLAMP straight-up drew their characters in fetishwear for the magazine cover and I can't not include that here

This is a continuation of CLAMP’s earlier manga Legal Drug, and Floating Catacombs veterans will remember that I quite liked Legal Drug. Granted, I was mostly in it for the crossdressing, and Drug & Drop drops that narrative thread. Instead, it chooses to start poking away at the central mysteries of its setting, which is a little less exciting but still welcome. We start to learn about the blond bishie’s tragic backstory, and the motivations of the two owners of the Green Drugstore are revealed.

As it turns out, this is another stealth sequel to Wish! It’s so strange to me that this largely unmemorable late 90’s CLAMP manga ends up being the keystone to two separate series over a decade later. The owners of the Green Drugstore turn out to be the angel x devil couple from Wish in disguise, and I’m still chewing over the idea of the angel girl passing herself off as a feminine gay guy. Somehow Clamp’s shounen-ai routinely has their most intriguing gender moments.

The childhood trauma is established, the intrigue deepens, and what happens next? Two volumes in, CLAMP halts Drug & Drop to make space for their sequels to xxxHolic and Tsubasa. Not again.

CLAMP BULLSHIT-O-METER: 3/5

OVERALL RATING: 3/5

-

xxxHolic: Rei

While it sucks that Gate 7 and Drug & Drop had to get axed for rehashes of CLAMP’s more popular series, at least I already liked xxxHolic. Rei serves as a spinoff and a sequel to the original series, although it’s intentionally difficult to figure out how it slots in chronologically at first. Yuuko running the shop like nothing ever happened, and their adventures have the lighthearted tone of the earlier parts of the series. Clients come to Yuuko’s shop, and she and Watanuki investigate curses. This whole thing is drenched in deliberate deja vu, which Watanuki himself gradually realizes. It turns out the powerful shop-owner Watanuki we see at the end of xxxHolic had at some point yeeted himself into an alternate timeline in order to acquire some magical items that Syaoran would need for an upcoming adventure. He chooses to wake up from this dream, and from there the manga continues where original xxxHolic left off.

It’s a neat narrative trick and fits the supernatural mystery vibes that xxxHolic goes for, while giving us more time with Yuuko, a deservedly beloved character. While it fails to reach the heights of the original series, Rei is still a pretty good time while it lasts.

Watanuki snaps back to reality, the intrigue deepens, and what happens next? Three volumes in, CLAMP halts xxxHolic: Rei to make space for their sequel to Cardcaptor Sakura. God dammit, we were so close to a conclusion too.

CLAMP BULLSHIT-O-METER: 2/5

OVERALL RATING: 3/5

-

Tsubasa: World Chronicle

Another decade, another pair of Tsubasa and xxxHolic manga. Once again, Tsubasa is easily the weaker of the pair, although it does at least have the decency to limit itself to 3 volumes this time.

The villain’s scheme in the main series was to destroy the rules of reality itself in order to return his lover from the dead. World Chronicle further explores that idea of the boundaries between life and death, bringing Syaoran to a world where the usual cycle of reincarnation has been put on pause, leading to fears that the dead will vastly outnumber the living and eventually spill over, creating a hellworld. Syaoran, as someone who sort of died and came back in the finale of Tsubasa, is now uniquely capable of resolving this problem, because he’s already proven capable of crossing into limbo.

Running off of the tip that his clone was last seen here, Syaoran ventures off into the world of the dead with the help of those random magic items Watanuki spent a whole spinoff manga gathering. Once he reaches a sacred grove there, Syaoran has to choose whether to renew the cyclesof life and death or let it fade away to something different, which is pretty much the ending decision of any Dark Souls game.

Anyways, of course Syaoran chooses to reincarnate the dead, it’s just the nice thing to do. In order to prove his will, though, he has to fight to the death against the one who he least wants to fight, which is apparently his evil clone. So the two guys have to beat the shit out of each other at the end of the world. Once again, very soulsey.

With the manic pixie dream girl reappearing as a goddess in this world, Gate 7 is roped into Tsubasa’s endless shared universe. Considering that it was canceled to make room for more TsubasaHolic, this feels more insulting than anything.

After three volumes, Tsubasa World Chronicle manages to do the one thing no other 2010s CLAMP series could: reach a conclusion. I wish it had been literally any other one of them, but at least this decade wasn’t a total failure. World Chronicle is nothing special, but unlike its parent series, it’s at least possible to follow the story in the moment.

CLAMP BULLSHIT-O-METER: 3/5

OVERALL RATING: 2/5

-

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card Arc

The harlot.

_

So that’s CLAMP’s last decade. Needless to say, it’s pretty muted compared to what came before it. Three consecutive series getting canceled for “safer” sequel projects just when they were getting somewhere. There’s an obvious level of disinterest in their own manga at this point, and that’s disappointing. You can fault 90’s and 2000’s CLAMP for a lot, but at the least they were always passionate about what they were putting out, even if it was incomprehensible to the rest of us. They’re getting older, and while I don’t think it’s wrong to put out increasingly formulaic works if that’s what pays the bills, it’s still sad to watch it happen in real time. Maybe I’ll have some kind words once Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card Arc finishes so we don’t end on such a somber note, but considering what I’ve read thus far, I’m fully prepared to rip into it.

And with that, thanks for reading through my CLAMP retrospective! I crunched the numbers and CLAMP now accounts for one-third of all manga tankobans I’ve read. I don’t know how to feel about this.

Bonus: The Legend of Chun Hyang

I missed this manga when going through CLAMP's 90s works last year. The Legend of Chun Hyang is a 1992 epic mythological manga in the style of their debut work RG Veda. It adapts a Korean folktale, taking creative liberties by casting the titular Chun Hyang as a fiery martial artist with a strong spirit of justice.

It actually makes sense to cover The Legend of Chun Hyang in this section because it's ultimately another one of CLAMP's stray casualties, abandoned after just one volume and hastily reworked into a one-shot. This doesn't work too well, considering that most of the volume is setting up for a larger adventure that never happens. After the tragic death of her mother at the hands of a warlord, Chun Hyang vows to stop tyranny wherever she finds it with the help of her mysterious new traveling partner. Except, of course, we only get a few chapters of them.

To be fair, this was caused by its magazine getting discontinued, but it's a shame CLAMP never picked this series up again. The closest we see is a world in Tsubasa which features the same general premise. Chun Hyang is fine for what it is, but it's hard not to feel let down afterwards.

CLAMP BULLSHIT-O-METER: 1/5

OVERALL RATING: 3/5

[aminiatureworld]

The smell of pipe smoke became nostalgic after a while. It softened out, eroded away like everything else, with time. Now that which used to send him into a coughing fit was hardly enough to keep him satisfied, at least not for any long period of time.

Was this why Yuuko was constantly drinking then? Watanuki had to admit pseudo-immortality gave him a lot of perspective, even if it gave him little else. The rest of his life, his memories, his friends, those he loved, they all slipped through his fingers like grains of sand. In hope that one day buried under rock and dust might be the wings of a familiar butterfly.

Watanuki knew that some part of him felt he was holding on for too long. Wouldn’t it be easier to let go? To admit that sometimes there is too great a price for a wish, that one must be satisfied with dreams and visions rather than flesh and blood? Ah, but it was too late now. He could not turn back the clock, he could not rejoin his friends. It was too late now, so might as well move onwards.

It was the kind of thinking that Yuuko would’ve scolded him for, the idea that he could so easily separate himself from those he loved. After all, weren’t Domeki’s descendants still making their way to the shop, day after day, like clockwork. Yet Shizuka was gone, and with him it seemed a great deal else had blown away in a puff of smoke. There was very little in the world now. It seemed empty, a collage of different shades, an eternal night where it was only you and the cold distant stars. Except he could not wake anyone up to sate his loneliness.

-An xxxHolic drabble which I’m unsure what to do with

[tsunflowers]

haruka brought watanuki into the bell girl's dreams which imply that she and the other woman who live in her house cant see each other and each think the other is a ghost and when he wakes up from whatever that was hes just like

[clowite]

What's your favorite thing about each of your friends?

Everyone???? B-because, um, that's a lot of people!

But I'll try my best!

Syaoran-kun worries about everyone, even when nobody asks him to! He cares so deeply about everyone and everything. Every person he meets leaves a mark on him just as much as he leaves a mark on them.

Kurogane-san knows when to step in, but never treats anyone like a child. He lets people figure things out for themselves, but does his best to make sure nobody gets hurt. We have met deities who treat people with less respect than he does, even when he tries to be all gruff about it.

Fai-san has such ambition to try new things! Even before things happened in that world he came from, he was always living life as if there were always new things to explore, new things to fall in love with. New recipes to try, new technology to tinker with, new people to meet! There's always a new experience waiting to happen!

Moko-chan is so funny! Of course, um, Mokona-chan has many other qualities, like Moko-chan's 108 secret techniques, but those aren't secrets I can just write on my blog (even if they are super special)! When we first met- or, when I first woke up along the journey, I used to be worried that Moko-chan was pushing too hard on the jabs with Kurogane-san- but it turned out Moko-chan knew what Moko-chan was doing all along. Is that another technique! Oh, gosh.

Tomoyo-chan is so creative! I don't know how she does it! Every time I hear word of her, she's invented new things, or designed new outfits, or thought up elaborate schemes of weddings galore! It's embarrassing sometimes, having all that attention on me, but her creativity is a magic of its own!

Yuuko-san has such wit and intuition! Sometimes, I can't tell if I'm being taken advantage of in a situation, and I think of how Yuuko-san would do it. She always has quips to reply to people with, or knows what people want before they even ask for it, or knows just what to say. How can she know what balances out the universe from her shop? Was it a learned skill or is it a type of magic I don't know?

Watanuki-kun's best quality is..

Chii-chan was so.. umm.. innocent, but not naïve. She just assumed the best of everyone, like it was beyond her that someone wasn't a naturally good person.

Chitose-san is another creative type! Did you know Outo Country was apparently a virtual world? I didn't find out until much later. That's amazing, everything felt so real!

Yukito-kun is so.. tolerant. Um. There's a lot I could write here, but my favorite quality is how he can occupy Touya's time so he stops pestering me instead! I'm not going to terrorize Clow once I become High Priestess! But I might terrorize him just because I can!!!!

Masayoshi-kun was so kind. I didn't know him very much, but he stopped into the cafe a few times. He always had such nice things to say about all the other demon hunters, even if he doubted his own skills a lot. I think he was in a different country, too, but I don't remember..

Chu-nyan-chan had such a spark for a personality! She knew she was being treated unfairly, she knew she had to speak up, and it didn't matter if she was alone in her passion.

Ryuou-kun was so passionate. He seemed to act on impulse, but he went at it with his whole heart, even if it was just becoming someone's friend.

Yuzuriha-chan was similarly passionate. Um, I never admitted this before, but I'm glad we met in Outo Country. Later on, I had to use a gun, and I just tried to emulate how confident she was in using it, shooting at the demons. If I had known the demons of Outo weren't real, I may have taken up a weapon to learn to defend myself back then. I think Yuzuriha-chan would have been a great guide!

Um, speaking of guide..

Subaru-san was so gentle. I remember his voice in my dreams, back in that awful place. I think he helped wake me up- and I'm still nervous to think about what would have happened if I had just slept through it all.

I don't know Kamui-san very well, but he helped Fai-san and Kurogane-san. For that, I consider him a friend.

I've been told Fuuma-san has helped my friends out in the past, as well, but I don't know him well enough to have an opinion. I know one day he might come to Clow, and I'll be sure to greet him appropriately when he arrives.

Fai-kun tried so hard. I hear him sometimes, grieving. I don't know how to help, yet. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I'm going to try my best, as I always do. He deserves it, if nothing else. They both do.

Umm.

Did I forget anyone?

[completeoveranalysis]

[15]

The final piece of Yuuko’s existence follows him out of his dream and he watches as it fades away. 

But I also just had a thought!

Yuuko was there at Watanuki’s moment of creation - she was there the to see him first start to exist

And now Watanuki was there at the moment Yuuko stopped existing - he was there to see her finally fade away. 

I cannot even imagine how wildly unexplained this must be for someone only reading xxxHolic and not Tsubasa but WOW THEY REALLY REALLY DID BOOKEND END EACH OTHER HUH?

[clamp-box]

xxxHolic Rei vol 3

- Syaoran tried to call to Watanuki but Watanuki fainted

- Yuuko keeps reminding Doumeki that he too is free to do as he chooses, but Doumeki still struggles with the idea of going against watanuki’s wishes

- Himawari (who also knows this is a dream of good old days) tells watanuki that he can call her anytime. Watanuki is just like “oh calling would be a good idea, so doumeki wont bother us!” and she looks so sad! Watanuki has forgotten A) about her curse B) that they only meet once a year in reality

- The money exchange plot is still ongoing. Something nice happened for once

- Im so glad Doumeki and Yuuko get to be vague and mysterious together. Now they drink and talk about the time not being right yet. But soon.

- Watanuki finally realizes the timeline is not right. Interestingly enough the detail he points out is that Doumeki didnt have a phone when they actually went to school

- Syaoran keeps calling but Watanuki doesnt know it is him. New phone (and universe) who dis? 

- Watanuki is finally figuring shit out! and went to see Yuuko about it!! She is appropriately dramatic about it and gives us the same scene than in vol1

- Watanuki goes over the things that have happened in Rei so far and realizes Yuuko isnt actually granting wishes here

- He’s also very worried Yuuko is angry at him

- Watanuki says he chose the time he was "least worried" .....uhhh you were a massive ball of stress even back in the day. He also notes he was the happiest before learning what he was and.... IM SAD

- Watanuki wanted to go alone, because he is like that, but of course Doumeki and Himawari didnt let him. And honestly, how would he ever get anything done without Doumeki??

- Watanuki makes up his mind and goes home, even if it is painful to leave this Yuuko

- He wakes up and asks where Himawari is, but she of course is home. He forgot for a moment that she cant come :(

[esbielle]

20 Things About Me

Tagged by @joey-wingster

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag some amazing followers/people you’d like to get know better.

and

Rules: Put your music on shuffle, list the first ten songs.

————-  

Nickname(s): So, senpai (never thought more than one person would call me that but…) and my name… oh! and Reina Paloma (pigeon queen)… maybe, it hasn’t stuck yet

zodiac sign: Gemini

height: 1.69m or 5′5″

orientation: pansexual

nationality: French Mexican

favorite fruit: green apples

favorite season: Summer, probably, because it’s the rainy season, but i don’t know, i haven’t thought about it much

favorite book: with so many books yet to be read i can’t pick one… but i keep rereading Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones, so maybe that one for now

favorite flower: each flower is so pretty in its own way, so delicate and gracious to look at, that i might never pick one

favorite scent: clay, rain, that one person

favorite color: magenta? purple? something in between

favorite animal: fox

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: depends… coffee for waking up, tea for relaxing, and hot cocoa for winter

cat or dog person: why not both?

favorite fictional character: tough one… i’ll go with… Yuuko Ichihara because she’s wise and powerful but also bossy and fun around Watanuki while also being a cool role model… and she knows the right price for everything… and she paid it… and i keep crying… 

# of blankets you sleep with: 3, it’s getting chilly

dream trip: Japan, especially once i’ll be able to speak Japanese better

blog created: late 2014 or early 2015, i think, but been using it for a year and a half now

# of followers: 88

random fact: i used to sprain my ankle at least once a year ever since i was 5, but since it would happen so often, i’ve lost count of how many times i’ve sprained my ankle. i also used to “compete” with a friend on terms of injuries (quantity, seriousness, how absurd was the way we got it…), but since i haven’t gotten injuries since 2011, she won.

Ten Songs: (i try not to pack my computer with songs and i’m an old school cd listener, so my library isn’t as varied as it used to be… and soundtracks are mostly here…except for Hamilton…)

1. 笑顔にウィンク - コーコーヤ (from the soundtrack of Ikoku Meiro no Croisée) 2. Memories - Panic! at the Disco 3. The Pros and Cons of Breathing - Fall Out Boy 4. The Music or the Misery - Fall Out Boy 5. Dream of Life - Itou Shouhei (otherwise known as the op of Bakuman 2)

6. 風待ちジェット ~mitsubachi edition - 坂本真綾 (second ed of Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles i think) 7. Spear of Justice - toby fox  8. 未来形Ａｎｓｗｅｒ（Ａｎｉｍｅ ＯＰ Ｖｅｒｓｉｏｎ） - TRUSTRICK (op of Ore Monogatari) 9. Here Comes a Thought - Estelle ft. AJ Michalka  10. ダニエル - 坂本真綾

Tagging:  @gormlaithluann , @zoudia-moonyxiii , @hachi-gatsuu , @littleinksheep , @vodkawrites , @p80n anyone else is welcome to do it if they want and say i tagged them 

[dainarps]

Watanuki leaned forward as Shizuka’s hand started to move. He pressed his forehead against his chest, breaths shaky and chest tight. How many times had he imagined this moment? Shizuka stroking him, touching him, and getting off because of him.

He tilted his head back and looked up, watching Shizuka, taking notice of all the little things that were different. The dilated pupil, the parted lips, the red-tipped ears...

He was so cute right now. Did Shizuka even know he could be cute?

He stroked his fingers over Shizuka’s cheek, a soft and gentle reward for what he was doing for him. He leaned in, kissing him, arching his hips into his hand at the same time. His hand was warm, teasing him in the way that Shizuka probably liked to be teased. The flick of a thumb, a firm stroke.

Yes, this was definitely heaven.

He bit on Shizuka’s lip and trailed downward, kissing and marking up his jaw, before settling his head against his chest again. His arousal trembled, his hips twitched, and he grabbed Shizuka’s hand and pulled it away.

“Stop — stop,” he said, taking a moment to steady himself. He pushed away and stood, letting his briefs fall down to his ankles before he kicked them away completely.

Then, he got down on his knees between Shizuka’s legs.

“Thank you,” he said, still breathless. He reached his hand out and slid it under the fold of Shizuka’s yukata, pulling it back. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to the side of his knee, then the inside of his thigh.

“You’ve been wanting something like this, haven’t you? You dream about it,” he said, pushing the yukata back until he could see his briefs, and the erection struggling against them.

“I know you do,” he said, looking up at Shizuka. “You wake up like this a lot.”

He hooked his fingers over the waist of his briefs, then pulled them down. The instant his erection was freed, Watanuki swallowed.

“Good thing I didn’t go with my first guess,” he mumbled, looking uncomfortably at his pile of goods on the sofa next to them.

He pulled the briefs down and off and then leaned up, taking a second to just...appreciate. His first time touching another man, his first time being this intimate.

He was excited.

He wrapped his hand around the base of his erection and leaned forward, swallowing his nerves and opening his mouth.

He dragged his tongue up the underside, then over the tip. Bitter and salty — not a good flavor, but not so vile that he would stop.

The fabric of his kimono’s sleeves draped over Shizuka’s thighs, smooth and sleek.

He looked up, wanting to see Shizuka’s face before he did this, and then he pushed his mouth down. He didn’t know how the people on the internet did it — getting more than halfway down — but for his first attempt...he wasn’t displeased with himself.

He pulled back, shut his eyes, and pushed back down, slowly but surely finding his rhythm. He set a goal, too, to get further down. He relaxed, he flattened his tongue, and he pushed further, stopping only when he felt like he was going to gag. He didn’t want that to happen — it certainly wouldn’t be attractive and all of this would end real quick.

The Crime AU You Didn’t Know You Needed

[kurogabae]

i’m on an angst kick and memory loss!AU calls to me like no other

“Oh! Miss Caldina was right!” Sakura cried in delight, pulling Syaoran along with her. “The city skyline is beautiful at night!”

There was no arguing it. The shimmering lights of the modern city were breathtaking from their vantage point at some tourist sightseeing cliff face. They were a few miles out and had a great view of the impossibly tall buildings and all their dancing lights, like stars stolen from right out of the sky. Since losing his memories, Kurogane had been to many cities like this one, but he’d never seen any the way they were seeing this one now. He found himself hoping he wouldn’t have to forget this one day as well. 

Hanging back, he watched Syaoran, Sakura, and Mokona lean on the safety railing, gazing out at the skyline in awe. Sakura and Syaoran’s fingers were comfortably intertwined with each other and upon noticing Kurogane felt that inexplicable, powerful pang of satisfaction, like one would feel after a hard job well done. He knew that the two kids -- young adults really, old enough to think about settling down by his wager -- had had to fight tooth and nail for the happiness they enjoyed now, and Kurogane was sure he had played some part in all of that, but he couldn’t imagine it would have been enough to warrant such a reaction.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Fai said beside him. “Seeing them so happy. You don’t remember, but I know you love them and want them happy all the same,” he added with a sly smile. 

Kurogane didn’t see anything to deny about what Fai had said. “How does it make you feel?”

Fai shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll ever have words for it,” he admitted, and Kurogane could understand the feeling. “Some days I still wake up and think this might have all been a dream.”

Even now, months after waking to the unfamiliar faces of people who claimed to love him, he still knew next to nothing about Fai, where he had come from before joining their small, traveling family, or who he’d been to all over them in their early days of travel. He knew there was a lot of pain hiding in the past, especially where Fai was concerned, but Kurogane wanted to know, even if he’d never really remember.

“Don’t suppose you’re ever going to tell me why you feel that way,” Kurogane said, trying to make it sound offhanded. 

The smile Fai gave him was sad but honest. “You don’t want to know those things,” he said. “They only hurt, and they’re behind us.”

“You told me before, didn’t you?” he pressed, latching on to Fai’s train of thought. He didn’t know why it was so important to him that he know Fai’s past as well as their shared past. Kurogane was not a man that cared about where people came from, it was more important where they were going, but it just wouldn’t stop niggling him. “Why won’t you tell me now?”

Something painful came over Fai’s face and for a moment his eyes for focused somewhere far away from Kurogane. “I never told you,” he finally admitted. “You were shown by someone else.”

The flatness of Fai’s voice was enough to have Kurogane drop the subject. It wasn’t that important.

-- 

Kurogane’s nightmares were things of smoke and fire, the air was always filled with screams and ash and he could feel himself burning away inside and out. Everything would be red and he would be calling names, looking for familiar faces, praying that when he met their eyes they were still looking back at him.

He had never had a nightmare about snow before, where the silence was more deafening than anything he’d heard from a demon. There was no red -- fire or blood or evil eyes glowing through the smoke and shadow. In fact, there was no color at all. Grey was all there was, shades of it. This nightmare was different than all the others, except for one thing.

He was still burning.

It was cold, though. The burn was not fever or flames, but ice creeping into emptiness. It was a sense of complete hopelessness overwhelming him, burning away everything that he was until all that was left was a husk of a person. It was terrifying. He tried to scream, to call for help, but he had no strength, he could only lay there in the snow and let the grey surround him and swallow him and erase him.

He couldn’t give up, but he couldn’t fight. He needed help, he needed to help...

... to help... someone... some...one...

Kurogane felt the scream more than heard it as he jerked awake. When he opened his eyes the suffocating world of his nightmare was gone and it was replaced by blue. 

“Fai.”

“Yeah, it’s me, Kuro-sama,” Fai said. He looked worried, bordering terrified really. He was gripping Kurogane’s arms tightly and was all but sitting in his lap, both of them tangled in Kurogane’s bed sheets as if there had been a struggle.

Slowly, it dawned on him that Fai must have been trying to wake him up. “What was I-”

“You were calling my name,” Fai said. That look was back again, the one that was sad because of something Kurogane didn’t remember. It didn’t make him as angry as it used to, but Kurogane knew it would always hurt to see. Fai loosened his grip on Kurogane’s arms. It was still dark outside and Kurogane hoped he hadn’t woken the children with his ridiculous screaming. “What were you dreaming about?”

Sighing, he sat up more and didn’t shoo Fai off his lap, taking comfort from the warm weight of his friend. “I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “It was jumbled. Everything was cold and covered in snow, and I was alone and trapped even though there weren’t any chains I-- I knew I was trapped.”

The harder he thought about the dream the more he could remember about it. It was the first time in months memories were coming back to him when he chased after them, so he didn’t let up. In his lap, Fai was silent.

“It was a punishment,” he continued slowly, the worlds coming as realizations. It was like a memory that wasn’t his emerging from the haze that constantly clouded swaths of his mind. “A punishment for something we hadn’t even done.”

He paused when he realized there had been a second person there. In the tower, so far away and just as alone. There had been other people too. “There were corpses. People who had been killed, thrown in as punishment as well.”

Suddenly, flashes of it all came rushing at Kurogane. Two young boys, innocent and frightened and helpless. Unfairness and blame, bodies raining from the sky. A dark man who spokes twisted words of half truths and lies. The need for help. The need to help... the one he had needed to help in the dream, the one in the tower. The reason he had been calling for Fai.

“You’re not Fai,” Kurogane said, his voice disturbingly plain for the realization. “That isn’t your name.”

Chancing a look up he saw unshed tears shimmering in blue eyes. 

“You never met him,” he said. “My brother died when we were still young.”

Kurogane reached out a hand, slowly, as if he were reaching out to a wounded animal, and wiped away the tears with no small amount of reverence. “I know.”

Fai had stayed the rest of the night with him, neither of them had gotten any more sleep, but they hadn’t spoken any more either. Memories continued to accost Kurogane throughout the night and by morning his head was pounding and his mood was foul. When Mokona summoned Watanuki he let Fai do all the talking.

“Why does he remember those things?” Fai hissed. Perhaps they should have left this to the kids. “Of all the slip ups you could have made, you had to leave him with my scars?”

For his part, Watanuki did look wholly apologetic, possibly even a bit heartbroken, but Kurogane had a hard time feeling charitable at the moment. He was with Fai on this. If he was going to remember something from his past travels why this? Why not something kinder? Or at least more useful?

“They aren’t his memories,” Watanuki said after Sakura had ushered Fai to the side. “They’re yours, Fai-san, and so they were not his to give as payment. They will remain with him.”

There was not much to be said after that. Watanuki exchanged a few words with Syaoran and Sakura before Mokona disconnected and all eyes were on Kurogane and Fai, but the two adults were already retreating and none of them were surprised.

The morning sunlight shining through Kurogane’s bedroom window betrayed the mood surround he and Fai. He didn’t want to talk about this, but he wanted these memories hanging between them even less. 

“You intended to kill me,” he said without preamble. 

“We all see how good a job I did with that,” Fai said and Kurogane almost laughed. From would-be assassin to would-be husband. It was a bit funny. Or it would be in a few days after he had some time to let all of this new information settle into his world view. 

He could tell, knew it in his gut, that Fai had never actually made an attempt at his life. Kurogane knew it like he knew his own name. Fai had been right the other night, though. He hadn’t wanted to know any of those things. The pain of Fai’s memories had begun filling in the empty spaces left by Kurogane’s missing ones. It ached and raged in his chest, made all the worse by the knowledge that he was separated by those responsible by so many years and worlds. The only comfort he had in this was the knowledge that everyone person who had hurt Fai was now dead.

Kurogane had more questions, but he wasn’t sure if either of them were able to handle the answers without breaking after the morning they had just had. No for the first time, and certainly not for the last, Kurogane cursed the fates. 

“Well,” Fai finally said. “Know you know everything.”

He’d been wrong. He wasn’t able to handle anything more right now without breaking. Unfortunate. 

“What the hell do you mean?” he snapped, rounding on Fai in an instant. “I don’t know anything!”

Fai stared up at him with a mix of disbelief and frustration and opened his mouth to speak, but Kurogane wasn’t finished. 

“All I know is how you’ve suffered,” he said, voice low and rumbling with fury. “I don’t know anything of your life, of our life.” He saw the understanding slowly dawning on Fai’s face as he spoke. “You speak of how this all feels like a dream sometimes, but you never tell me why. You’ve told me you love me, but you won’t tell me why.”

He wanted to understand Fai, but in hiding his pain so steadfastly he’d hidden everything from Kurogane. How was he supposed to find the man he had once loved if Fai kept him hidden all the time...