#Internet Explored
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I can't stress enough how much I miss StumbleUpon
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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.
you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"
and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.
it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.
you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.
in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.
the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.
you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.
after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.
the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.
you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.
#warm up#writeblr#this is also about being ace btw#my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it#bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like#trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner#and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess#> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT#i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know#but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual#it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND#AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE#bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex#and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs#and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB#i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point#but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one#and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''
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This is a PSA to other goldfish enthusiasts.
Baby Goldfish contain 7.2 Oz compared to regular Goldfish containing only 6.6.
They cost the same, don’t get played.
Pls share with ur local goldfish enthusiasts 🙏
#artists on tumblr#explore#explorepage#fyp#fypシ#trans#transfem#transgender#tumblr fyp#mtf girl#goldfish#internet explorer#transgender mtf#psa#corporate greed#transmodel#model girl#actress#altfashion#alt model#emo girl#goth aesthetic#gothic#tattoogirls#inked girls#inked goddess#tattoed babe#spicy#trans mtf#mtf transgender
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You know what I think a lot of people don’t realize about grooming is that, the person will almost always start pushing your boundaries in little, non-sexual ways.
For example, one big thing a person who groomed me did was joke about killing and eating my dog. She knew I love my dogs like they’re my children, and I’d told her those “jokes” made me uncomfortable. But she kept doing it. The same joke over and over again; it wasn’t even funny (“I believe all god’s creatures have a place…next to the potatoes”). At first I pushed back, but then it got to a point where I got tired of resisting and treated like I was stiff and couldn’t take a joke. So I relented on that boundary.
That alone might seem insignificant and dumb, but with groomers, as soon as they break down one boundary they’ll immediately start trying to break down another. And each little one they break, the more they get you used to letting them violate you to the point where you’re afraid to speak up against the bigger things.
So especially if you’re a younger person on the internet, never ignore when someone is making you uncomfortable especially if they’re much older. Even if it seems like a silly, insignificant thing. They know what they’re doing, and it’s important to stay safe.
#this is one thing I’m exploring in my non fiction project#internet culture#safety#grooming#fandom toxicity#feminism
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Stop IE6 campaign December 2008
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The first web banner AT&T 1994
MSN 1996
IBM 1996
Internet Explorer 3.0 1996
MS Windows 95 1996
Intel internet video phone 1996
Apple 1997
IBM 1997
Web banners from the 90s
instagram: cheri.png
#i really enjoy the font and colour choices#let's be real internet explorer actually slays#thanks 4d4m for linking me up if you're reading this: 01101000 01101001 00100000 01111000#cybercore#y2k#cyber y2k#old internet#old web#00s#2000s#tech#moodboard#cyber core#90s aesthetic#90s nostalgia#webcore#web archive#early web#tech aesthetics#techcore#vintage tech#tech blog#y2k nostalgia#nostalgiacore#nostalgia
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oh ok so its the usual no-homo bullshit you always hear, good to know.
#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#nandermo#look im a reasonable guy#i dont get worked up easily and ive been around writers rooms and understand the pressures of writing a big show like wwdits#hell i even liked season 4#but this has got to be one of the most offensive bs ive read that wasnt from 2015#‘its only a small (but vocal) amount of people that actually want to see them together’#‘their love isnt ~s*xual~ they dont need to kiss its more ~profound~ than that’#‘you don’t REALLY want to see them together! (thats gross!)’#also ‘the power dynamic is ~problematic~’??? are you kidding me???#jfc its like someone literally got this out of the queerbating handbook from 2010#and like yeah i know wwdits isnt queerbating but its queerness feels more performative when it treats an actual central relationship#like its a gross kinkything only a few freaks on the internet want#instead of a legitimate plausible story that deserves exploration#nandermo should be a triumph - a victory for the characters and something the writers should be pleased with writing#not…this.#like it’s some problem pressured reluctantly upon them that needs to be carefully defused#this has left a bad taste in my mouth
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Found inside of an abandoned historical landmark hospital with power
#internet#photography#urban explorers#urban#urban decay#urban exploration#urbex#urbex photography#horror#creepy
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This came to me in a dream??
#that's what your brain does when it mixes two of your hyperfixations together#well at least they're together#exploring the backrooms with your boyfriend for eternity#what a date#I also think it would be really funny if they actually had internet on their phones and the battery never ran out#you can tell that Majima is suffering but he's also enjoying himself#I think he just stopped functioning properly lol#and Kiryu just lost it he can't take it anymore#he misses Haruka; fighting thugs on the street; drinking stamina X; playing Pocket Circuit;...#yakuza#like a dragon#ryu ga gotoku#rgg#龍が如く#真島吾朗#桐生一馬#真桐#桐真#goro majima#kiryu kazuma#majima goro#kazumaji#fanart#my art#gazkerber#gazkamurocho#illustration#games#videogames#the backrooms
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Wakey-wakey! Time to eat mommy’s a$$! ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆。☆
#artists on tumblr#explore#explorepage#fyp#fypシ#trans#transfem#transgender#tumblr fyp#mtf girl#trans model#mtf model#transgender mtf#emo girl#gothic#altfashion#alt aesthetic#alt girl#egirl#model girl#goth egirl#trans mtf#actress#alt model#content creator#internet explorer#mtf transgender#mtf trans#transgirl
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Credit love 💳
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VHS
#vaporwaveart#dreamcore#chillwave#classicvaporwave#postinternetart#retrowave#aesthetic#synthwave#glitch#v a p o r w a v e#windows 95#vhs aesthetic#internet#internet explorer
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1996
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