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thewebofslime · 6 years ago

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The Pedophile Project: Your 7-Year-Old Is Next On The Sexual Revolution’s Hit Parade We cannot dismiss the campaign to legalize pedophilia as fringy stuff that will get nowhere. It’s real and it’s here and it’s gaining strength. By Stella Morabito FEBRUARY 21, 2019 Activists for normalizing pedophilia are on the move. Public acceptance of adult sex with children is the next domino poised to fall in identity politics. It’s being sustained, among other things, by the rapid sexualization of children in the media and in K-12 education. We cannot dismiss the campaign to legalize pedophilia as fringy stuff that will get nowhere. It’s real and it’s here and it’s gaining strength. It’s a very logical outgrowth of the nihilism inherent in the sexual revolution. If you doubt this, just consider, for example, how unthinkable to many Americans was the recent celebration of infanticide (in the guise of abortion rights) by New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo. Likewise, Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam—supposedly a pediatrician—spoke cavalierly about whether to dispose of a living infant who survives abortion. They and governors of many other states are betting that your shock will simply wear off and we’ll all eventually get with the infanticide program. People do tend to settle into such shifts, believing it won’t affect them. But the selective dehumanization of children has been going on for a long time now. Why should we think it’ll be any different when the time comes for legalizing pedophilia? As with any propaganda campaign that pushes outrageous changes on an unwary public, it’s all about timing. Academics might refer to timing as the Overton Window or the Availability Cascade. But we should all be able to understand the process of conditioning the public to accept the unacceptable. First, the groundwork is laid through carefully planned propaganda. There are various types of messaging for various audiences: the medical establishment, the education establishment, legislators, judges, the general public, and so forth. Then the agitation begins with poster people who are “just like you.” And before you know it, it’s all over. Unveiling pedophilia as “just fine” will likely be an ambush if we aren’t prepared. It promises to be as swift as the “transgender tipping point” campaign that shrewdly coincided with the Supreme Court’s Obergefell decision in 2015. It will be accompanied by a defiant campaign to paint any resistance as a relic of outdated morality that oppresses the rights of an identity group and the civil rights of any children caught in it. So, when that inevitable time comes, will we just sit back and cower in confusion? Or will ample voices be able to break through the pressures of political correctness beforehand and shout “Enough!” Be prepared to make that happen, because the pitcher is full and they are mixing the Kool-Aid. The Sexualization of Children Is Well Underway We’ve already being desensitized to the sexualization of children and implanting gender confusion in them. Parents from Long Beach, California to Queens, New York are taking their toddlers to drag queen story times at local libraries. Some, like the mother of nine-year-old Lactatia, now actually groom their boys to be drag queens and encourage them to get other children to do the same. Media outlets spread the idea. For example, “Good Morning America” recently celebrated an 11-year-old drag queen who danced suggestively on the show and does the same at adult night clubs. The studio audience looked groomed to be a picture of Middle America. They cheered his gyrations on cue, and approvingly. A majority of American parents are already tacitly okay with sex “education” that pushes early sexual activity on their kids, along with developmentally inappropriate teachings about various sexual practices. They’re also getting on board with having the transgender hoax imposed on their kids, with a bunch of cool moms modeling that behavior. Most parents who are disturbed by all this are overwhelmed and keep their concerns to themselves, which only perpetuates the trend. Our public schools, with the backing of the highly politicized American Academy of Pediatrics, are also now in the business of nudging any young child to get injections of puberty blockers if he or she claims to be transgender. Some states are now threatening to take away custody from any parent who is not on board with that. K-12 classrooms are becoming labs in which kids are being programmed to serve such agendas. Your children have been defined by the left’s sexual nihilists as totally sexual beings. So what next? The logical answer: from sexual beings to sex objects. We may well see even more legalized exploitation of children unimaginable to many Americans today. Let’s face it: Pedophilia has been waiting in the wings, and is itching to come out. So let’s not be blindsided when it hits full force. Designating Pedophilia a Sexual Orientation There are two main avenues to legalizing adult sexual relations with pre-pubescent children: 1) to designate it as a sexual orientation; and 2) to lower—or abolish—the age of consent for sexual activity. Both efforts are on track by pedophilia advocates, especially in academia and in the mass media. Take a look at this TED Talk released last year, in which the speaker chides us: “Let’s be mature about pedophilia.” The speaker, Madeleine Van Der Bruggen, makes the case that pedophilia is simply a sexual orientation that can be neither chosen nor changed. She appeals us to “stop with the hate!” (sound familiar?). She argues that everybody probably knows someone with a pedophilic interest. And, really, they’re just like you. Most don’t talk about it because it’s illegal. Imagine, she asks, if you’re told you could never act on your passion? She implores us to imagine “how lonely” that must be. Yet another TED talk from another young female pushed the same argument. But that talk was taken down by TED, at the request of the speaker. You can still access it here. The academic literature is also getting much bolder by publishing increasing numbers of articles in support of both avenues: designation as sexual orientation and re-considering age of consent. Perhaps most shocking to people of conscience is the December 2018 article by convicted British child molester Tom O’Carroll that was published in the peer-reviewed journal Sexuality and Culture. More on that later. You can find an extensive bibliography of such articles in popular media. In arguments to push social acceptance of adult sex with prepubescent children you will find nearly an exact parallel to all of the arguments for all manner of “progressive” causes, including, of course, LGBT preferences. There has also been a rash of publishing in popular magazines. The idea of the “virtuous pedophile” was unveiled in Todd Nickerson’s Salon article “I’m a Pedophile, but not a Monster.” Salon actually removed the article, although it’s still archived on the internet. Nickerson says he would never act on his urge and never has. He also has a website called “Virtuous Pedophile,” ostensibly for helping celibate pedophiles resist their urges. You can find an extensive bibliography of such articles in popular media if you don’t mind visiting the “virtuous pedophile” website. Typical titles include a 2016 New York Magazine article, “What’s it like to be a celibate pedophile?” or a 2016 Vice article entitled “Realizing You’re a Pedophile Can Make you Want to Kill Yourself.” Then there’s the “born that way” defense, as discussed in this BBC news item entitled “Are Paedophiles’ Brains Wired Differently?” Born This Way Shouldn’t Seal the Deal I don’t question the need for people to get the help they need to avoid engaging in destructive behaviors. We should all have mercy for those who struggle, especially people who feel utterly rejected and demonized by society, particularly if they want to regulate any wild urges that would hurt others, especially kids. The argument in all of the above is that pedophilia is a sexual orientation that is not chosen. The sad irony is that when people feel so marginalized and dehumanized, especially if they are unnecessarily barraged with humiliations, when they finally get what they want they tend to take revenge. They cannot distinguish between kind people of goodwill who have legitimate critiques of their demands and the bullies who embittered them in the past. So be prepared: simply having an opposite opinion will get you marked as an enemy, even if you always treated every human being with compassion and dignity. If you cave to political correctness, you are allowing your goodwill to be weaponized against all you stand for. So here we are. The argument in all of the above is that pedophilia is a sexual orientation that is not chosen. So if we accept it as such, wouldn’t any therapist who didn’t affirm the orientation be accused of “conversion therapy?” Would pedophiles even be permitted to get help? Finally, whether or not you want to believe the warnings of former child actor Corey Feldman, there can be no doubt that Hollywood has a good share of pedophiles. “An Open Secret” is a 2015 documentary about it by Amy Berg. We should not be surprised in the future when Hollywood gives pedophilia a final Caitlyn Jenner-styled juggernaut to push it all over the top. Again, it’s all about the timing. APA Will Ultimately Decide How to Classify Pedophilia Just as the American Psychiatric Association (APA) re-classified gender identity disorder to gender identity dysphoria, it also tinkered with classifying pedophilia in its fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V.) As the psycho-bible of mental disorders, the DSM has always been the go-to source for making the sexual revolution the law of the land. Its reclassifications of homosexuality and transgenderism are really just the beginning. All that remains is for the medical establishment to officially proclaim that pedophilia is a sexual orientation. There is no reason other than timing to think it won’t do the same for pedophilia. Currently, the DSM makes a distinction between pedophilia as a paraphilia (a desire not acted upon) versus “pedophilic disorder” (actual child molestation.) But the lines in society sure feel like they’re blurring. In 2013 the APA “erroneously” referred to pedophilia as a sexual orientation on page 698 of the first printing of the DSM-V. After a public outcry, the APA said it would correct the error in subsequent printings, changing the term “sexual orientation” to “sexual interest.” Their public relations folks also added for good measure that the APA still considers acts of pedophilic disorder to be criminal. Okay. But ask yourself this: With all of the meticulous attention the APA applies to every controversial aspect of the DSM, and the bated breath the news media holds for any new edition, how exactly does a reference to pedophilia as a “sexual orientation” end up in there by accident? Sadly, the error smells more like a trial balloon. Both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association have long been politicized to promote every outgrowth of the sexual revolution. Groupthink is deeply embedded in both organizations. Bottom line here: if you track the promotion of pedophilia in academia and the media, all that remains is for the medical establishment to officially proclaim that pedophilia is a sexual orientation. Then anti-discrimination laws kick in to protect it in its entirety, and children are at the mercy of some judge’s interpretation of “penumbras” to determine what constitutes harm. The Farce of a Child’s ‘Right to Choose’ The other turning point in legalizing pedophilia would come with repeated claims in public discourse that prepubescent kids can enjoy and consent to sexual relationships with adults. Furthermore, denying children this avenue of expression with adults, the argument goes, violates their civil rights. Perhaps the biggest bombshell recently is that December 2018 article mentioned above, written by convicted child molester Tom O’Carroll in the peer reviewed journal Sexuality and Culture. The title of the article is “Childhood ‘Innocence’ is not Ideal: Virtue Ethics and Child-Adult Sex.” At the outset, he puts the word “innocence” in scare quotes. If you don’t want too much of a soak in that sewer, you can look over a good review of O’Carroll’s demented reasoning in Justin Lee’s article written in Arc, “The Pedophile Apologist,” or see Rod Dreher’s commentary. O’Carroll’s goal is to make the case that pedophilia is simply a sexual orientation that should have all the protections of anti-discrimination laws for other sexualities. In his article, O’Carroll masquerades as a philosopher. He takes on Kant and Aristotle. Like a Chihuahua barking furiously at the ocean, O’Carroll also attempts to bash the impeccable scholarship of Sir Roger Scruton. O’Carroll’s goal is to make the case that pedophilia is simply a sexual orientation that should have all the protections of anti-discrimination laws for other sexualities. He tries to appeal to the same litany of arguments that subjects children to early sexualization and to the transgender curriculum: that kids can decide for themselves how to express themselves and shouldn’t be denied a choice in how they identify—no matter how young they are. He lets loose a panoply of arguments strongly suggesting we should lower or abolish the age of consent: that children shouldn’t be denied any form of sexual expression; that allowing them the full range of sexual expression actually promotes their flourishing and development; and that stigmatizing pedophilia is in the same class as stigmatizing people on the basis of their race, sex, religion, or, naturally, their sexual orientation, which he argues pedophilia is. To object to any of the above is, in a word, “hate.” (Sound familiar?) So get used to it: the goal is to frame pedophilia as a human right, redirecting your attention away from the adult and reframing it as a child’s right to sexual expression. If the child claims to consent, who are you to get in his or her way? Hence, every child becomes fair game for child molesters, especially if the child can be persuaded and influenced to say he or she consented. Undue influence is a cult-like dynamic to which children are particularly vulnerable. Worse is that there are recent studies by Bruce Rind published in the academic journal The Archives of Sexual Behavior, claiming there is no long-term harm to adult sex with children. (As O’Carroll also claims, the positive effects on children is a growing field of inquiry.) You can read about it in a 2017 Public Discourse article by Mark Regnerus. Otherwise, the silence is deafening. The issue of consent has been made murky, especially when trying to clarify cases of he-said-she-said in accusations of sexual harassment or assault. But if you accept the claim that children can consent to sex with adults, then it seems we must now take their word for it, and never question if that “consent” was coerced. In addition, our society seems increasingly ignorant about the causes and effects of undue influence caused by a disparity in power between two actors in a relationship. Any substantive discussion of this element in human dynamics is fading fast. Yet it ought to be common knowledge. Undue influence is a cult-like dynamic to which children are particularly vulnerable. The ‘Equality Act’ Would Protect Pedophilia Just about all of today’s so-called “anti-discrimination” laws include sexual orientation and gender identity (SOGI) classifications. Once pedophilia is classified as a sexual orientation, then it’s protected under that umbrella, which covers all areas of life: employment, education, medicine, housing, business, military, even the parish life of churches, family life, and much more. If pedophilia is ever classified as a sexual orientation, wouldn’t the Equality Act afford it federal protection? House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has announced that a big priority for this Congress is to get the “Equality Act” passed. So the big question is this: If pedophilia is ever classified as a sexual orientation, wouldn’t the Equality Act afford it federal protection? Seems logical. What am I missing here? If that happens, then any objection to a known pedophile teaching at any level in any school or daycare center would have to be considered illegal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. There can be no doubt pedophilia will eventually be officially classified as a “sexual orientation” if more people don’t grow some spine. You don’t have to be a master of logic to understand that once that happens, then expressions of disapproval will be deemed illegal discrimination. So, are you going to be one of the folks in the morning show audience applauding the sexualization of your child? Will you just get used to it? Or will you take a stand? Time is running out. You Bigoted Pedophobe! No person of conscience can allow this sinister pedophilia project to gain any more momentum. If we do, it will produce an unexpected avalanche of comings-out with an aggressive campaign complete with poster children (and their parents!) to support it. This is no more a conspiracy theory than to say the same thing about the transgender project in 2014. It’s pure logic, and it’s totally in keeping with our society’s trajectory. This is no more a conspiracy theory than to say the same thing about the transgender project in 2014. So if you’re not all in with pedophilia, prepare for the smear campaign. Today “pedophobia” is defined simply as a fear of children in the same sense that acrophobia means a fear of heights. But it could easily take on a new meaning as our culture sinks ever lower. Consider this: If pedophilia is ever normalized, what are the chances that the word “pedophobia” and the term “pedophobe” will be used as slurs against people who disapprove? Against churches that disapprove? Could they be used in the same way the terms “homophobia” and “transphobia” are used as slurs today? Of course. In this scenario, if you express reservations about sexual activity between pre-pubescent children and adults, you will be publicly shamed and silenced as a “pedophobe” for doing so. A bigot. A hater. For those just waking up, we’re not in Kansas anymore. We’re on a speeding train through the Twilight Zone. And the hyper-suggestibility of most folks in this age of internet-induced mass delusion will get us there even faster. We’ve become a nation of complete squishes because all that matters to most people is how they think they’re perceived in social circles. We’ve become a nation of complete squishes because all that matters to most people is how they think they’re perceived in social circles. The fear of the smear is in high gear today, generating a pandemic of moral cowardice. It’s infecting state legislators who ought to know better. It’s infecting judges who ought to know better—and teachers, journalists, even parents. Sadly, there are many who really don’t know better and simply try to maintain the social status they think they’re afforded by political correctness. It’s up to those who do know better—those who have an active conscience—to speak up, and to stare down the smear artists in propaganda journalism, pop culture, and academia who’ve been stoking that cowardice. Too few people publicly take unpopular stances anymore, and when they do they pay a highly inflated price for it only because no one else joins them. There are too many cowards who apologize for being right, too many who self-censor out of fear of social rejection. That’s exactly the dynamic that will fast-track trends like the normalization of pedophilia. We have no choice but to stop accommodating political correctness, no matter the price. Its movement in the shadows has all the hallmarks of an impending ambush. People of goodwill must do all they can to stop the momentum of this pedophilia project in its tracks. Otherwise, it will destroy children and childhood together.

#TheWebOfSlime

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maciaslucymua-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Is Using Conventional Medicine Child Abuse?

New Post has been published on http://www.healthgoesfemale.com/is-using-conventional-medicine-child-abuse/

Is Using Conventional Medicine Child Abuse?

I know, I know.

I’m actually not a fan of people calling everything they don’t like, disagree with, or wouldn’t choose “child abuse.” I think it’s an insult to actual child abuse, like starving, beating, or molesting children. (There are other ways to abuse children too…but treating a cold with ginger instead of Triaminic isn’t one of them.)

However, there are people who legitimately believe that choosing alternative medicine for children is actually child abuse. They cite a tiny handful of cases where a child died or was permanently damaged because their parents chose to use alternative remedies. Like the Stephans’ case right now, which is at trial in Canada. I’ve been following that closely, and no, they didn’t kill their son, nor “fail to provide the necessities of life.” Citing silly CBC articles (the company that owns CBC is the one prosecuting them, by the way, so not exactly unbiased) is not going to change that.

Anyway, this isn’t about that.

In a broad sense, alternative medicine isn’t child abuse. Ever. Even if a child dies. (Yes, I really just said that.) To understand this, we need to take several steps back.

What is Child Abuse?

Let’s just start here.

What is child abuse, anyway?

These days, people try to define anything they don’t like as child abuse. They try to define any time a child gets hurt or sick as child abuse. Kid fell out of a tree he was climbing and broke his leg? Child abuse, you shouldn’t have let him climb that tree! Kid ran out of the house and into the road naked, with parent chasing behind? Child abuse, you should have been watching more closely so they couldn’t have gotten out in the first place!

It’s not really a good definition to look what what society considers “abuse” these days, because most of it is pure junk.

Instead, let’s say that abuse is:

Failing to provide basic necessities of life (clothing, food, water)

Physically harming a child (hitting, kicking, shoving, etc. etc. repeatedly or with intent to harm — physical discipline is iffy)

Sexually using the child or allowing them to be used sexually by others

Constant verbal assaults that make it difficult for a child to function (berating, insulting, causing a child to be fearful or depressed)

Okay. So. Causing direct harm to your children is abuse. Failing to feed them at all is abuse. I think we’d all agree on that.

Is it abuse if you get into a car accident and your child dies? No. That is an accident.

Is it abuse if your child sneaks out the door and drowns in a pool? No. That is an accident.

Is it abuse if your child becomes ill, and dies, despite attempts at treatment (conventional or alternative)? No. That is a tragedy.

Parents who mean well and who are doing their best to care for their children are not abusing them…regardless of the outcome of the situation. Accidents do happen. Things don’t always turn out well. If we start to define “abuse” as “when the outcome is bad,” then we’re going to have a serious problem.

Some are going to say right now, “But if a parent uses alternative medicine and the child dies, that is child abuse! They should have used conventional medicine when they knew it was serious!”

I’m going to have to disagree on that.

Is Using Conventional Medicine Child Abuse?

To answer this question, we need to know what we’re looking at.

First, we need to be looking at likely or common outcomes. What usually happens when parents use conventional medicine? (What usually happens when parents use alternative medicine?) We’ll look at main effects, side effects, and long-term effects, if any.

Second, we’ll look at what the worst case outcomes are, and how common these actually are.

Conventional Medicine in Common Situations

Right now, antibiotic use is high — and problematic. One study found that about half of all prescriptions (around 11 million per year) are unnnecessary. On average, people have about 1 antibiotic per year. (But we don’t know how many have none and how many have several, it will vary.)

(Common) Side effects of antibiotic use include:

Nausea

Vomiting

Diarrhea

Stomach pain

Yeast infections

Rash

Swollen, black, or “hairy” tongue

Other side effects include:

Colitis

Seizures

Hives

Jaundice

Yeast infections and pathogenic bacterial infections (like C. diff) are common after antibiotic use, because antibiotics wipe out all the good gut flora along with the bad stuff. This can and does lead to repeated courses of antibiotics. The more courses you have, the more likely that C. diff and other serious effects become.

This might all be worth it, if we were facing serious, life-threatening illnesses, or illnesses that could not be treated in other ways.

However, most people are getting antibiotics for ear infections, sinus infections, UTIs, and other “simple” stuff. The vast majority of the time, antibiotics are not needed for ear infections. They’re almost never necessary for a sinus infection, either. (Decongestants and pain relievers not only don’t usually help, they often delay recovery time.) Antibiotics are almost never needed for bronchitis, either.

And UTIs? They might need antibiotics, but one study found that in recurrent UTIs, probiotics along with antibiotics reduced the risk of additional infections.

Using antibiotics in a child’s first six months of life can lead to increased risk of allergies, asthma, and eczema. I don’t need to tell you that these are generally permanent conditions, not acute like ear infections. That’s a big deal.

None of this even addresses all the prescriptions that doctors write because patients ask for them, without a proper diagnosis. When patients come in and ask for a specific drug, doctors are between twice as likely and twenty times as likely to write a prescription for it! Another study shows that about 100 million antibiotic prescriptions are written annually (half of which are unnecessary and prescribed for viral infections on patient request), which leads to almost 150,000 emergency room visits due to medication issues.

Not to mention that “superbugs” now exist, causing approximately 2 million illnesses and 23,000 deaths annually!

One doctor says, “Everyone feels awful when they are sick and just wants to feel better,” Julien said. “For some reason, faith in the body’s natural ability to heal itself has waned, and everyone believes that an antibiotic is the only possible cure that could help.”

I wonder why that could be, hmm?

To sum it up, we’re writing prescriptions we don’t need, for conditions that typically clear up with no treatment or supportive care, that cause serious side effects, and tens of thousands of allergic and other reactions per year.

…and you’re telling me that, which is clearly causing harm to children, is not child abuse? Or worse, that actually following the evidence and choosing no treatment or supportive care — the obviously better choice, from a scientific standpoint — is child abuse?

Just no.

Alternative Medicine in Common Situations

In contrast, alternative medicine has no such issues.

Ginger has been proven to help treat and prevent colds and other respiratory infections, and has no side effects. Of course, ginger is also known to be excellent for its role in treating digestive disorders (nausea, bloating, diarrhea, etc.) and also has cancer protective and cancer-fighting properties.

Mullein is effective against respiratory infections, worms, and more! No side effects and no known toxicity.

Honey is effective against coughs.

Garlic is a natural antibiotic (more evidence).

Cinnamon essential oil is a natural antibiotic — and even works against resistant bacteria (more evidence on cinnamon).

Lemon essential oil is a natural antibiotic, and is synergistic with cinnamon.

Colloidal silver is effective as a broad spectrum antibiotic. Silver even worked in one study to kill breast cancer tumors!

I could go on.

But, it’s pretty clear here. These natural remedies work. And they don’t cause side effects. They reduce the likelihood of opportunistic infections, because they’re effective against resistant bacteria. They don’t increase the risk of asthma or allergies or any other issues. In fact, ginger may be used to help control asthma.

When I search for “death by herbs,” the first thing that pops up is a study of how herbs cause cancer cells to die.

Deaths or any kind of serious issue from herbal remedies are nearly unheard of. That’s an incredibly safe track record! Herbal remedies work, and they don’t harm people.

Worst-Case Scenarios

This is a lot tougher to look at, for many reasons. Many die despite treatment when something is really serious. Many turn to conventional remedies even if they otherwise wouldn’t when it’s serious.

Regardless of what people choose to do, when it’s serious — there’s a real risk of (further) complications.

Why is it if a mom uses Tylenol constantly and takes him to the doctor and he dies of meningitis, she’s told there’s nothing more she could have done and it’s too bad her baby died…but if she chooses an alternative path instead of or before going to the doctor, she “allowed” him to die?!

It’s because most people think that natural remedies are basically like “doing nothing.”

So let’s get it straight right now: if you think that, you don’t understand natural remedies. Which is okay — stick around, and learn a few things! Unless, of course, you’re using your poor understanding of how natural remedies work to judge other people and say they are bad parents. Then, no, it’s not okay at all.

Worst case scenarios are just that…worst cases. We just don’t know what will happen and there are no guarantees.

So Which is Really “Abuse?”

Neither is actually abuse, and people need to quit saying things they don’t like or don’t understand are abuse. Seriously, grow up.

Looking at the data, though, it’s clear that as far as safety and efficacy, natural remedies win most of the time. I’ll continue to use those, and continue to have healthy children.

If you’d like to learn more about natural remedies, please see my book, Natural Remedies for Kids.

Do you think conventional medicine is child abuse?

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justtoseeursmile-blog · 7 years ago

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Mom,

I have done a lot of thinking these last few days. I have tried to figure out how and what to do because I have come to a breaking point. So I thought I would tell you about everything that has happen in my life. The things people don’t know, the things people ignored and the things people never accepted. The breaking point for me was Easter. When you showed an emotion of happiness and expressed to tom that you would like to stop down and see your dad who got you something and wish him a happy birthday. He sat there on the couch crossed his arms and said he did not want to go over there and spend 5 hours getting stuck talking to him. That was it. I was done. Grandpa is getting old and he is going downhill fast. Everyone talks about it but no one is spending the time they have left with him, except for me. I’m making it a priority in my life when everyone else just turns a blind eye and lets there problems and selfishness get in the way. So let me start from the beginning.

I was born July 21st 1988. On the way to the hospital my dad was coming down from a high and asked if you could wait so he could sleep. The day I came home from the hospital you tried but couldn’t not handle me and called Grandma Barbara for help and she took me. From the very start you couldn’t take care of me. You took care of me the best you knew how but let other people control and manipulate your actions or that’s what I choose to believe because it hurts too much to think you did these things out of your own selfish mind. And you did work, you did try to support us. But you never kept me safe. You left me with my dad who might have loved me but was not adult enough or mature enough to handle me. As I got older I have flash backs of the things that happen to me. He would leave me in the bath when he was too high to change my diaper, which causes terrible rashes and yeast infections I dealt with late into my teen years and even as an adult. You left me with drug addicts who left us alone while they go high. I can remember sitting in the living room at the little house and dad having a porn on the tv. I could not have been much older than 4 or 5. I remember my dad spending hours in the bathroom shooting up drugs and then come out and passing out. Or getting left at school because he forgot to pick us up. Yes I know these are not things you did but they are things that happen that I have never been able to process. I was exposed to sex at such a young age and taught that I was normal. The arguing was terrifying the people who came in and out of our house. The police at our house. Some many things I cannot even begin to list.

These people you aloud in my life took advantage of me and no one in my life ever noticed. I must have been 4 years old the first time it happen. It’s one of my earliest memories so I’m not totally sure. This person you let into our lives. You thought he was not a threat or danger. What would and older man want with a bunch of 20 something druggies. He was just this old goofy man with a dog. He told me it was ok and that everyone does this. He said its just like the stuff mommy and daddy did and watched on the TV. He told me it was right and would be good for me and I could trust him and how much his little dog liked me. As he stood over me and pulled out his penis. He told me it was ok to touch it to put it in my mouth. That I should do what he said because I didn’t want to upset you or daddy. He laid me down on the floor and took my pants off, ran his fingers down my body and touched my vagina. He slowly crawled on top of me and touched he penis to me. He push inside of me. I remember crying because it hurt so bad. But it told me not to cry that it was ok and this was what mommy and dad wanted me to do and he was my special friend. He did that over and over for I don’t know how long. He always made sure to wipe me down and make sure no one could tell. He did it to Andy to. Sometimes while I was in the room. And we didn’t know better we didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know we should tell someone.

It got even worse as I got older thinking that was what you did and needed to be done. Tommy was exposed to this as well but says he never experienced sexual abuse. As 5 and 6 year olds I told him about it and what had happen and how it was normal. I asked him if he wanted to try what I had learned. He told me ok because he trust me. I showed him what I had been told to do and touched him like I had been showed to do. As tommy and I reconnected as adults we talked about this time and tried to understand what was going on. This is what brought us together. Tommy does not remember this part of his child hood was well as I do and has blocked most of it out. As a teenager this made me very confused when my hormones came in. When I experiences this feeling. It made me sexually provocative and pushed me to need male attention, acceptance and wanting to please them. While I was not out having sex I was constantly acting out sexually in other ways. Going to extremes to get the attention I needed. And opening myself up for a lot of things I really didn’t want but thought I was supposed to be doing to make other people happy and fill this void inside of me that I couldn’t understand.

Do you remember that summer I came to stay with you. You introduced me to some of your friends. I met Deno for the 1st time. We went to stay at his house with his gf and her kids. I was so excited to have friends to play with because I felt so alone. We stayed the weekend up there. I don’t know where you and Tim went but I was left alone with him. And I don’t really know where the other kids where or his gf but I was left alone with him. He told me how good of friends you and him were and how much he loved you and Tim. He told me I could trust him and that my mom told him it was ok to do this stuff. I don’t know I must have been 8? I don’t really remember. He started by just touching me under my shirt. He pushed my hair out of my face and told me I was the pretty girl he has ever seen. He pulled my pants down and told me I was beautiful. He was wearing shorts and slid them down to show his erect penis. He told me it was ok to touch him. Flash back of being that little girl and it being told what I should do and it being ok came back to me. I started to cry and he told me not to. He told me he would keep me safe and love me and I didn’t have to worry about anything. Mommy would be so proud of me and what did I want, I wanted my mommy to love me and be proud of me. So I did what I was told. He laid me down on the couch and asked what I like. He ask if I liked him touching me. I don’t remember saying anything but he continued to touch me. He very gently spread my legs and pushed the tip of his penis into me. I just closed my eyes. He then pushed harder until it hurt and I cried. He told me to be quiet so no one would hear me. I laid there crying quietly as he finished molesting me. When he had cumed he asked me if I wanted to taste him. I did what I was told. I don’t remember much more about that visit with you. I just remember him telling me that it was his and my special secret and that he would love me and keep me safe. I remember you telling me he died and how upset you were. I was so confused and distraught about it, So many emotions I could not explain and deal with.

As I reached puberty and my teenage years I was lost, hurt and just wanted the pain to go away. I acted out by cutting or biting myself. I never wanted to die I just wanted the hurt inside me to go away and to not be consumed by this feeling I could not explained. Grandma and Grandpa could not figure out what to do with me. I felt abandoned and used. I felt like something was wrong with me and I was in an altered state of reality. They tried counseling and medicine that just made me a zombie. They tried to understand what I was going through but couldn’t because I could never tell anyone. I learned to lie and had stuff in order to not upset or disappoint anyone because if I did I had failed. This followed me into adulthood.

During my childhood I was spoiled by grandma and grandpa. It’s like they were trying to make up for the trauma I have been through something they could never understand. Grandma tried so hard to help me so hard to do things for me she though was best but at this point I don’t think there was anything that could have been done. I put them through so much while you lived your life not worrying about us. I was left with grandpa from a very young age. His temper got the best of him when I acted out. He took his anger out of me. He did terrible things to me. And then once he snapped out of his angary he would hug me and tell me how sorry he was and how he loved me and would never do it again. Tell me we should not tell grandma about it because she was so stressed and busy at work. So I didn’t or tried not to. I held it inside. During this time I saw very little of Andy and when I was there I was constantly hearing the little snickers behind me as grandma and Julie or whoever talked about how I was spoiled and not a real loy and that grandma and grandpa had ruined me. They resented me for having a “better” life then Andy and that Andy missed out. They constantly showed me I was no one of them not including me in things. Yes I was raised with money and materialistic things but no one was there for my volleyball games. No one was there to help me with school. I begged for attention and acceptance. And some days I just completely shut down. I felt so alone and scared and really had no idea what to do or handle things.

When I met Franklin he made me feel wanted, something of value. He gave me attention that I thrived off of. He made me feel like it was ok and there was nothing wrong with me. And he fought for me and stood up for me. He also after time realized how vulnerable I was and used that against me. He cheated on me multiple times as a teenager. He learned how to possess me. I was addicted to his attention and didn’t know how to get out. I supported him and give him everything I could leaving little for myself. I carried him through high school so he could graduate and join the marines. I separated myself from the social aspects because I could not deal with the rejection and hurt I felt from other people. When Franklin and taken over my whole life I lashed out looking for positive attention other places where I let myself get taken advantage of. I looked for friendship in people who were bad for me. I hid things and lied because I didn’t know how to express or process what was going. I was in a pattern of self-destruction and something I did not know how to deal with. As high school I came to a lost time where I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was next. Franklin was leaving to join the Marines he broke up with me and said he didn’t want to be with me and thinking about me when he was gone at boot camp. I started that time by myself running from my emotions. Staying out late at night and doing things I’m not proud of. Then I got a little form him telling me how sorry he was for everything and how much he loved me and how he wanted to get married and how he wanted me to be there when he graduated and I feel right back into it. I was there when he graduated. I supported him as much as I could and did exactly as he expected of me. We spent time together and started to plan the wedding. He deployed and I was there for him. Sending him care packages and being there for him as much as I could. I answered every call sent him letters every day and told people about how proud I was of him and how good of a person he was. About half way through that deployment he stopped talking to me. I would not hear from him for weeks. When he did call he would talk for a few mins and stopped telling me he loved and missed me. One day I received a letter from him telling me that we were over and that he had found someone new and someone else on the internet and that he was leaving me for her and when he came home he planned on marrying her. I was angry and upset and torn to apart. I felt abandoned again. Grandma had paid so much for the dream wedding I was planning. He asked me to still be there when he came home. So I went for thanks giving that year with grandma. She was so sick. I met him in the barracks. I felt so used and terrible as I walked up to him. He didn’t hug me just asked like I was his buddy calling me dude and not saying my name. We hung out with his buddies and started to drink. I just kept drinking and trying to stay in control of my emotions. I stayed all night until I passed out. I woke up that next morning half naked with franklin lying next to me and a few of his buddies. I was sore. I had bruises all over me, I hurt and really don’t know what happen. They told me I passed out and they kept drinking but my insides tell me they took advantage of me as I was passed out. I left that week of seeing him and went home. He told me all about the ball and how he was taking this new girl to it and how he wanted here to be here when he got home but she couldn’t make it out so I just stood as a replacement. The day before the ball he called me saying she backed out and asked if I could come and go with him. Pathetic me hurting inside said yes and packed my stuff for LV. I arrived a few hours before the ball started and got dressed. I wore my old prom dress because it was all I had. We went to the ball and drank until everyone was pretty messed up. Franklin broke down and told me he wanted to get married and he was sorry and I caved. I said yes and at 3amin the morning he called and woke grandma and grandpa up and asked if we could get married. Grandma and grandpa half asleep said there was nothing they could say to stop us. At 3am we didn’t know that it was too late to get it done and I have to fly home in the morning. So drunk in the hotel we set a date for 3 weeks later for me to fly back and get married. I bought my ticket right then. I didn’t tell anyone when I got back what we planned to do. Not for about a week when I told grandma I was going back to LV in 2 weeks to get married and they could be there or not. But I just wanted them to know. I don’t remember how I told you. You were just so excited because you loved franklin so much. So we went and got married. I moved down there. It was fine for a while. He left then was told he was going to deploy and we packed up our house and put it in storage. I was so worried he would find someone else while he was gone but tried to hide it so that no one knew. When that bus took him away I was a mess. We drove back to Washington from 29 and I sat and waited there for 8 months. When I moved back down and set up our new house. When he got back we settled into married life. We had friends that we had bonded with. Mentally I was doing fine for a while. Franklins drinking picked up and he was drinking anytime he was not working and our house turned into the place to be on off times. One night I was tired and the guys were picking on me being fat and why would franklin marry a fatty and he just told him it was cause I was easy and did what he told me too. I decided to go to bed. I took 2 sleeping pills and cried myself to sleep. I was woken up later that night by franklin lying next to me and 2 of his sr marines standing on my side of the bed. They were drink and told franklin this would stop all the hazing and he would be cool with them. The started to hold me down. I was confused at what was happening and not really awake. Franklin kept telling them it’s ok she likes the fight and not to worry when said no. They took turns raping me and laughing about it. Franklin took some pictures of me on their phone and said that if I ever told they would show people. I finally just stopped fighting and laid there crying. I have bruises and scratches over my body. I was bleeding. He just passed out and laughed about the next morning. I just sunk into a depression. He was getting meaner and drinking more and I was just falling apart. I was going to school and one day I put my computer away in my backpack and got ready to leave. At some point he took it back out and hide it from me. I walked into class and went to get my computer out. He has taken it out when I was looking away. I left class not having anything to do since he had taken my computer out. I went home and when I got home he has locked all the doors and I was not able to get into the house. When he finally opened the door for me. My computer was sitting on the table in front of where he sat. I got upset and looked at the history on the computer where he had been watching porn on. I lost it and yelled at him got really upset and told him I could not do this anymore. He told me to shut the fuck up and he didn’t care I could leave but that no one would want me because I was used and broken and that I should just go kill myself. So I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife and ran in across my arm. Blood sprayed everywhere, on the floor the walls. I walked into the living room and showed him what I had done. He freaked out and called me names but said he needed to take me to the hospital. When we got there I was numb and blank. I don’t remember much. I remember then asking what happen and I lost it. I was kicking and screaming. They held me down and gave me a sedative. I don’t remember much after that. There were times that I do remember and times that I don’t. I know the MPs took franklin away and questioned him. I remember them stopping the bleeding and putting stitches in my arm and the ride in the cop car to the crisis center. I remember my boss Lori coming and getting me and letting me stay at her house and then grandma coming down. She was so mad at me. I was interesting her life. I was unstable and losing it. I saw a dr who stabilized me on medication and then I was committed to the mental hospital. During that time they tried different medications. I slept a lot. Didn’t get out of bed. I don’t remember much of my time there or how long I was there. I don’t remember coming home or anything like that. I know I had a freak out on the drive home but not much more than that. We started to go to couples counseling. Franklin would not admit that there was anything wrong. He took everything the dr said and turned it around and blamed me and told me that I was weak for taking pills and having so many problems. I just gave up at that point. He held me down to have sex when he wanted and forces things on me. He told everyone I was fine. One night he got really drunk and hit me. Made me bleed. I got in my car and drove away. I didn’t know where I was going. I ended up at my friend’s house in Santa Monica. I stayed there with him for I don’t know how long. I was so hurt and confused and lost. I ended up sleeping with him. I eventually went home. Franklin continued to force himself on me. He made me move out of my house into a house in town with a bunch of people. It was a constant party and all the wives look at me like something was wrong with me. I found out I was pregnant around that time. I didn’t tell anyone I just feel into a deeper depression I just hid from everyone. I faked life so that I didn’t upset anymore or have to ender any additional abuse. About that time we moved back to WA. While franklin went off to train before we moved to PA. He would leave for 3 weeks and then come home for a week. One week he was home we stayed in a hotel to get away from grandma and grandpas house. He figured out I was pregnant and got very upset. He kept drinking and yelling at me. Pushing me around. I just sat there. I didn’t fight back I didn’t know what to do. He drank so much that he lost it. I was asleep on the bed. And he grabbed me out of the bed onto the floor. He started yelling at me and kicking me in the stomach and vagina. He told me how I was a dirty whore and he hated me so much. He slammed my head on the night stand next to the bed. I passed out. I don’t know what time it was I hurt so badly and I was bleeding and franklin was passed out on the floor. I got up and took a shower. The bleeding would not stop. I just wanted to lay down and die. I wanted to stop living. He woke up and saw blood and didn’t know what happen. He took me the ER and dropped me off and left. I went in and they admitted me. They kept asking what happened and called the cops and I wouldn’t say anything. I just shut down. They did an ultra sound and there was no movement or heartbeat. They induced labor and gave me stuff in my IV that made things move in slow motion. I have no idea what was happening. I remember them pulling the baby out at some point and asking if I wanted to see him. I don’t remember what I said but they took him away. After a while the cops came in to question me and find out what was going on. I wouldn’t talk to them I wouldn’t tell them anything. I stayed overnight. The next day when they asked who did this or what happen I just told them I didn’t not know. I finally got a charger for my phone and charged it. Franklin had left a text saying he was going back to work and he had left my stuff at grandma’s house. When I was released I went to stay at my best friend’s house. I didn’t tell her what happen or anything because she was due with her little boy in 2 months but she just let me sleep. When I finally went back to grandma and grandpas it was a few days before my birthday. I just slept and stayed in my room upstairs. I didn’t say much to anymore or anything. A few weeks later franklin came back and we drove to PA. As soon as we got there he left for 3 weeks to go to work. I stayed by myself in this place. I was by myself and had no one. I pretty much stayed in side for the 1stweek. The 2nd week I went outside and branched around. Still living with no emotion. At the end of September I sat on the phone while my best friend had her baby and I just wanted to go home. When Franklin came home that last time we went out with friends to dinner. I was pretty depressed and just wanted to leave. Franklin continued to drink. He drank that night and the next day. He would come up stairs where I stayed and yell at me. I told him I wanted to go home. I needed to see my grandma who was dying and I needed my family. He kept yelling at me and just telling me I was not going to leave him. That night he came up stairs yelling and screaming at me telling me he would never let me leave and he was going to keep me here and no one would ever want me because I was used up and broken. He held me down one last time and had sex with me. He went back down stairs and I could hear things breaking. Glass and hard thinking hitting the floor. He came back up yelling that he was going to kill me before he let me leave and he would never let me leave because I was his and no body else could have me. He pulled his gun out of his pocked and waved it around. He yelled at me the only way you’re leaving is if I kill you or myself. He put the gun against my forehead and pulled the trigger. He got really bad and shoved me back on the bed and then hit me over the head with what I think was the gun I’m not totally sure. I passed out and did not wake up tell the cops and fire truck were there. They told me he has set the living room on fire. Later that night I saw the fire they put out on the floor. Pictures and things of mine. I called grandma to tell her about it and that I wanted to come home and she got mad at me. She told me I needed to stop this stuff and make my mind up. I told her I wanted to come home and never leave again. She was so mad at me. I started to pack some of my stuff up. I was going to leave regardless of her support. 3 days later I left there and never looked back. Never saw franklin again. Grandma ended up bailing him out of jail so he could go to work the next week. He called on the drive home crying to me about how sorry he was and how he would change and how he expected me to be there when he got out of jail. The months after that were lots and confusing. I was not welcomed home. I remember one night grandma yelled at me how she raised her kids and how she was done with it she wanted to enjoy her retirement. If I wasn’t broken enough as it was to hear that from the one person you thought you could always rely on. I left that night and went for a drive. I tried to control the broken heart I felt and pushed with the idea of just driving as fast as I could into a tree so I could be free and not in anyone’s way. It was not soon after that when Grandma Linda started to go downhill I spent my days there with her and my nights wondering around and getting drunk. I was in a new relationship with someone who had been my friend for years. I was looking for comfort from him and he was I guess just playing with me. Franklin also continued to harass me and try and get me to come back. Grandma died and it was just so much for me to deal with and process. No long after that tommy and I started talking. Neither of us was available at that time. His fiancé had just left him while she was pregnant with his son and never did come back. I was falling in love with him but worked really hard to be supportive of him and know that if he needed to leave and go be with her I was going to have to deal with that. I spent most of my time with him and at his place. I supported him or trying to get her back and the baby. I remember the 1sttime I went to Toms with him. We walked in and sat down. Tom didn’t know who I was at first. Tommy sad you remember Jaimie and it didn’t click yet. And he just looked at me. Tommy continued to tell him I was Jaimie from when we were kids, chirsty and tims daughter. The look on his face when he heard that changed. He looked like he was going to throw up. He didn’t say much just looked at me with some much hate. It made me very uncomfortable and hurt in a lot of ways because I have spent my life being looked down on because of things I had no control of. Things I have nothing to do with, teachers at school, other family members, and now tom. We didn’t stay long because tom told us he was just leaving so tommy and I left. I was so hurt by the look of disgust on his face and hatred of me. I don’t really remember what it was but tom told tommy is some way or another that loyalty was the only thing you have in life and that he needed to be loyal to his dad and that meant not being with me. Tommy told him he was being dumb and that he was not going to not be friends with me for something I didn’t do. I only went around there with him a few times. He made comments about how I brought bad memories up for him and how he changed his life and didn’t want the past coming back in. He told me how much he hated you and dad and wanted nothing to do with lowlife, liars and cheaters. Tommy and I moved in together and went on with life, we didn’t see him much or I was not around when he did go see his dad. It was really hard to be hated for something I had nothing to do with. When I got pregnant with remi. I was so excited I didn’t know what to do. I could not believe it. My response from everyone was pretty negative. It hurt a lot. Janee told me not to get to attached because I would probably miscarry. Grandma betty was upset that I was not married and grandma Barbra and GP couldn’t believe why I would do that. We never did tell tom. Not until we saw him on the 4th of july before remi was born. He had heard from other family members but never said anything to us. He just pushed the idea off and never said anything to us about it. You could tell he was upset for not fighting for the child he had already, the boy to carry on the Helus name. He even stayed in contact with his Ex along with Janee. They did not support his decision to fight for a child that would be torn back and forth because his mom wanted nothing to do with tommy. That made tommy even harder and hurt and unable to trust anyone. When remi was born tom said he would never let remi know that there was an issue between him and my dad. But as you know that has not been true. I have had to go out of my way to make my dad feel comfortable because he does not want to upset tom.

There is so much more I could say but it wouldn’t be any good. You know how I feel about you leaving tim. You know how I feel about your and toms relationship. And since you’r unwilling to see it or stand up for yourself or put anyone but your feelings first it made me come to the decision that I can’t be a part of it. I can’t have remi a part of it. I didn’t wanna be the person to give an ultimatum but I did and you made the choice to pick Tom over me, over remi. Just like you picked drugs and other things like this before. I should not have been surprised by this decision but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. I get it your living your life for you. So good luck. I hope it’s worth it in the end. So now you know everything I have been hiding and holding on to for all these years. All the pain I have been dealing with. Now you know why I have no faith or tolerance anymore. And you of all people should know how hard it is to give up on the people in my life but I give up on you. I can’t be the responsible adult in our relationship anymore. I can’t be there to give you want you need even if it is taking more than I have. I’m putting myself first and my daughter and family. I didn’t pick to be born. I didn’t pick to be abused and abandoned. Also I had a miscarriage this week.

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thewebofslime · 6 years ago

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