#In the meantime I just developed another roll

[edenorisshitposting]

Analog photography - Going to france

1/2/3/4/5

[omamervt]

yo yo! ttrpg trick or treat!

I mean if you're gonna come at me with this I'm never gonna turn down a chance to talk about City of Mist and its spinoffs, the game I am the most normal anyone has ever been about anything. (if I understand the rules correctly, this is Treat)

ahem.

City of Mist is an urban fantasy noir RPG heavily inspired by Netflix's Daredevil TV series. It now comes in LGBT-themed Sentai flavor (Queerz!) and Cyberpunk flavor ( :Otherscape) as well, with a High Fantasy version (Legend in the Mist) in the works! It also has some pretty great community support, just look up City of Mist Garage on DriveThruRPG!

The thing this game does that makes it special to me is that player creation and advancement is almost 100% driven by character development, and it does it better than most other RPGs that I've seen that try to offer the same.

at character creation, you choose four Themes for your character. You use these themes to determine what kind of character you're working with, and what kind of skills their life experience might have given them. It's also how you can tie in fantasy elements and give yourself literal super powers.

Once you've chosen your Themes, you answer four questions about your character for each Theme. These become your Power Tags, which you use in place of stats to make your roll modifiers, as well as your Weakness Tags, which you or the MC can invoke to give you a -1 to a roll, or to add a complication to the current scene. (this also gives you an XP point in that Theme so it's worth it to you to let this happen.)

But the other thing that comes with every Theme is a Mystery or an Identity. The idea of City of Mist is that you aren't born with powers, you Awaken to them when a Mythos - an idea, concept, or character from a story - decides to enact its will through you. Examples from the pre-made characters would be Excalibur, the wealthy socialite who became the Rift of King Arthur after she finds the Ultimate Weapon, which manifests for her as a piece of jewlery that transforms into whatever she needs in the moment. But the idea of a Mythos never fully survives contact with reality, as your character is still the person they were before - someone with a life, family, friends, goals - an identity. Another of the pre-gens is Kit, a Kitsune spirit who manifested itself fully in our world, but has disguised itself as a teenage girl after falling in love with a boy. Her affections form an identity outside of her purpose as a Mythos.

You as a player have the choice between trying to live the life you had before by creating Identities for your Logos themes - things that anchor you to your life in this world - or by pursing mysteries for your Mythos themes - finding out what your Mythos expects of you, and then deciding whether or not to do it.

Progression in this is interesting because the main story will put your characters' identities in conflict with the will of their Mythos, as well as the needs of the group as a whole. As you play, you can decide that your character is ignoring their Mystery to the point that getting answers no longer truly matters to them, or abandoning their Identity to the point that they wouldn't recognize their old self anymore. The attention to the themes you advance the plot of will grant you new powers in those themes, whereas the ones you allow to fade away will eventually be replaced by new character aspects that became important in the meantime. And it happens entirely at your discretion - the MC can't tell you to mark Crack/Fade on a Theme, they can't force you to explore your characters' personal story arc, but doing so MAKES YOUR CHARACTER GROW AND CHANGE, WHICH IS HOW YOU LEVEL UP!

I could probably write a few more paragraphs about this game if anyone cared.

[kiarastromboli]

𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧:

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐱 𝐲/𝐧

⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱

⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱

𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘: Stalking (kind of), Jaelous!Matt.

𝕊𝕦𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕣𝕪: Matt begins to enter a completely new feeling of which he is clearly not aware: obsession. Wanting to see y/n again in the hope of asking for her number, he will find himself facing something that he won't like, another man who is a little too close to y/n for his liking.

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: Translated into English: Things are evolving gradually, it's only the beginning, and I promise you many emotionally charged events and sensations in the upcoming chapters. In the meantime, feel free to let me know what you think of the new character in the comments.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏, 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐫𝐞 𝟑

⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐:

Friday, generally a day I don't particularly fancy, the day preceding Saturday aka the only day I finish work early.

But this Friday was different.

This Friday had a whole new flavor.

This morning, instead of my usual migraine and dark circles, I woke up in a good mood with a big smile.

Whereas usually I would settle for just a simple coffee before leaving my apartment, I prepared myself a proper breakfast.

Well, by proper breakfast I mean what I'm capable of: bacon and eggs.

Without me noticing, this smile had been stuck on my face since I woke up, and I only became aware of it when I stood in front of my mirror to brush my teeth.

For a moment, I even thought I was dreaming, but no, this smile was very real and genuinely sincere.

All because I knew I was going to see her again tomorrow.

Her, my complex mystery, my vanilla-scented puzzle.

I lived only to decipher her and to know what her thoughts were made of.

It's true, until now, no one had ever captured my attention as much as this girl, she was made for me to unravel.

After getting ready, I went to the bookstore, praying for my day to pass as quickly as possible.

Every time the little bells at the entrance rang, deep down I hoped it was her who crossed the threshold of that door to come see me.

But of course, it was never her.

"Who are you and what have you done with Matt!" Sarah said to me, pointing at me with a banana as if it were a gun.

I chuckled at her action.

Sarah was the only friend I had made while working at the bookstore until now.

I had suspicions about her intentions towards me, and over time, I quickly realized that she had developed a crush on me, but as I said, until now, no girl had really captured my attention.

I'm not saying Sarah isn't pleasant to look at, far from it, she just wasn't my type even though I appreciated her a lot.

"I advise you to put that banana down right away, miss," I said, chuckling, and she raised her hands and dropped her banana.

"Sorry, I didn't know threatening others with my breakfast was forbidden," she said, shrugging before leaning on the counter next to me, and I simply shook my head, smiling at her antics.

"No, but seriously, usually I have to fight with you to even get a hint of a smile on your face!" she said, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder.

"You're exaggerating," I said, rolling my eyes.

She looked at me with insistence.

"What?" I said, chuckling, and started walking towards the shelves to put away the books that were missing.

"What's happened to you? Come on, tell me, I share all my adventures with you, you're not allowed to keep secrets from me like this!" she said, grumbling and following me around the bookstore.

"Sarah, I really have no idea what you're talking about, you seem like a crazy person right now," I said, continuing to organize the books.

"You're kidding me! Since you walked into the bookstore, you've been humming little songs, you're nice to the customers, and you have that damn smile plastered on your face, you're hiding something from me, and believe me, Matthew, I'll find out!" she said, pointing at me with a threatening look.

"I don't know who you're trying to scare right now, but there are customers at the counter, so I suggest you quickly go see what they want before you get fired," I pointed out, removing her finger from in front of me with my hand.

She turned around in surprise towards the counter to see what I had just said, and turned back to me one last time with a threatening look before returning to work.

The rest of my day consisted of Sarah constantly asking me questions and customers coming in to return their books.

It sounds annoying when put like that, but nothing could ruin my day knowing that I was going to see her again tomorrow...

Come to think of it, I didn't even ask for her number.

What if she forgot about tomorrow? I have absolutely no way to contact her.

Maybe I should stop by after work just to ask for her number, nothing more.

"Can you close the bookstore today? I have something important to do, if you don't mind," I asked Sarah when closing time finally arrived.

"Yeah, no problem, I'll take care of it. You can go, handsome," she said, smiling, and I smiled back before leaving the bookstore.

I immediately got on my motorcycle and started driving towards her apartment complex.

Is this a good idea? I mean, I'll look like a creepy guy if she sees me showing up like this at her place when we just met yesterday?

Plus, I don't even know which apartment she lives in.

Am I supposed to wait outside hoping she'll eventually come out? I wondered as I parked my motorcycle outside her apartment complex.

I stood there for a few minutes like an idiot before realizing that this was a bad idea. I put my helmet back on, and before I could get back on my motorcycle, that's when I saw her coming out.

I watched her from afar, making sure she didn't see me. I didn't want her to think I was following her; that would be too weird.

She was wearing a completely different outfit this time.

Leggings that hugged her body really well, maybe even too well, and some sort of tight sports jacket that accentuated her chest.

An all-black ensemble, probably for working out.

I knew she was beautiful, but I didn't expect her to have such a perfect goddess-like body. That thin layer of fabric covering her body only fueled my imagination of what she looks like without all those clothes.

No, Matt, stop, that's inappropriate. I really need to learn to control myself; this girl brings out aspects of my personality that I didn't even know existed.

She stood there for a moment, staring at her phone as if she was waiting for something.

Maybe this was my moment, the perfect opportunity to go up to her and ask for her number.

I could make her believe that I just happened to be passing by and that it was a coincidence that we crossed paths here?

No, that's stupid. Why on earth would I hang around here in front of her apartment complex after work? It doesn't make any sense; she'll immediately know that I came here to see her.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I saw her greet a guy, he was tall, brunette, and quite muscular.

Who the fuck is this guy now?

They seemed close; she hugged him, and her body language changed the moment he arrived.

Does she like him?

Come on, y/n, you're not going to fall for this musclehead. I'm sure this guy doesn't even know the difference between a thriller and a horror novel. You deserve better than that, you deserve me.

I watched them from afar, wishing I could be closer to hear what they were saying.

Meanwhile, she seemed to be smiling at every word he said. Is that really your type of guy, y/n? And what about us? It started so well; I can't let him ruin our story. I have to do something.

They started walking, and I panicked.

What do I do? Do I follow them? Damn it.

Without further thought, I took off my helmet and followed them from a distance.

They walked for about fifteen minutes before stopping in front of what seemed to be a gym.

Interesting, but I don't understand the need for such large windows for a supposed gym.

It seems more like a place for egotistical people who want to show passersby that they have a better lifestyle.

Is that really what you aspire to, y/n? It can't be your kind of thing; I refuse to believe you're one of those self-centered people. You're far too kind and humble for that.

It's probably that big lump of muscle who brought you here, yet another sign that he's not right for you. He doesn't even know you; it's ridiculous.

I stayed there, sitting on a bench on the other side of the street, trying not to attract attention.

I watched them participate in what seemed to be a partner yoga class, and of course, she paired up with him.

I couldn't help but feel this growing hatred towards him; it should have been me in his place.

It should have been me supporting her legs during certain exercises, it should have been me she was talking to about her day or whatever else, it should have been my hands on her body right now. Fuck.

It displeased me to see that, but for some reason I couldn't help but watch them.

I need to learn more about this guy's intentions regarding my y/n. Who's to say he's not some completely crazy guy planning to hurt her or even use her?

When their yoga class came to an end, I quickly got up to reach my bike before they noticed me.

But unfortunately, while crossing the street, y/n must have seen me because I heard her from afar calling my name.

"Shit," I whispered to myself, stopping in my tracks before turning around to see her running towards me.

"Hey!" she said, a little out of breath as she reached me.

"Hi," I said, smiling nervously.

"I didn't expect to see you here, what are you doing here, are you following me or something?" she said, laughing.

Fuck, what am I going to say to her?

Before I could say anything, she started talking again.

"No, I'm kidding," she said, laughing and giving me a playful shove on the shoulder.

I nervously chuckled.

"You're coming back from exercising, I see," I said, trying not to appear too suspicious.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm all sweaty because of yoga, who would have thought!" she began, still laughing.

If only she knew how much her laughter is like music to my ears; this woman is simply radiant.

"Anyway, it was my first time there; it's my friend Caleb who got me into it," she said, pointing to him before gesturing for him to join us.

No, please y/n, don't make him come over here.

"Hey!" he said, with a smirk, as he reached us.

I simply nodded in greeting.

"Caleb, let me introduce you to Matt, my friend from the bookstore, remember I talked to you about him," she said.

She talked to him about me? So, she also thought about me in the meantime. I knew there was something between us.

"And Matt, let me introduce you to Caleb; he's a good friend of mine from middle school," she said this time, smiling.

"Oh, cool, that's nice," I replied with a weak smile.

"Yeah, but she wasn't this tall back in middle school; I remember we used to call her 'mini monster,'" Caleb said, laughing.

"Hey, stop!" she said, laughing and pushing him.

"Anyway, are you planning to get into sports too, man? You could really use it," he said arrogantly.

"Caleb," y/n said, giving him a more serious look this time.

"What? I'm just asking," he shrugged.

"No, I didn't come here to do sports, actually; I just happened to be around; I needed to buy something for my bike, man," I said, emphasizing the word "man" ironically.

And his expression quickly changed; he understood at that moment that I wasn't the kind of person to be walked all over, and it probably didn't sit well with him because he knew he had real competition now.

"Okay! Great, Caleb, we'll see each other later this week as usual," y/n said, cutting us off from our staring contest.

"Yeah, see you later this week, as usual," he said, not taking his eyes off me before turning around and leaving.

y/n and I started walking in the opposite direction.

"I'm sorry about that; it's just..." she paused to sigh, "I swear he's not an asshole; he's really great once you get to know him," she said, biting her lip.

And you're the type to see the good in everyone, aren't you? But do you have any flaws, y/n?

"No worries, it's nothing," I said, smiling.

"Didn't you find what you needed?" she asked me.

"What?" I asked, looking confused.

"For your bike, you said you came to get something for your bike, but your hands are empty," she said, laughing.

"Oh, uh, no, I didn't find what I needed, but it's not a big deal; at least I got to run into a good friend," I said, smiling.

"Are you talking about Caleb?" she said, laughing.

"Okay, yeah, keep teasing me; you're really not funny at all," I said, rolling my eyes, and she continued to laugh.

Unintentionally, I let out a small chuckle seeing her bent over laughing.

"But you're laughing right now," she said, pointing at me and raising her eyebrows.

"No, not at all," I said, shaking my head.

"Yes, yes, yes, look at you, you're holding back; I know you're dying to laugh, come on, let it all out," she said, grabbing both my arms and laughing.

"Y/n, if I may say so, you're completely crazy," I said, laughing along.

"Hey, I won't allow that," she said, pretending to be offended.

We continued chatting about this and that until we reached her place.

"Um, but I said I'd walk you back to your bike; I don't mind walking a bit more," she said when I stopped in front of her apartment complex.

"Oh no, don't worry, I'm parked nearby," I said, smiling.

"Oh... so this is where our little walk ends?" she said again in that softer tone.

Why is she doing this? Why is she changing her tone like that? It makes me want to kiss her. Is that what she wants me to do?

"Unfortunately, yes," I told her, looking into her eyes.

"Well, luckily we're seeing each other again tomorrow then," she said, smiling, and I smiled foolishly in return.

"Not that I enjoy spending time with you, don't get me wrong; I just really like motorcycle rides," she said in a haughty tone, laughing.

"Yeah, that must be it," I said, shaking my head.

"I also really like bikers, well, one in particular," she said, looking at me, and I felt the stress building up.

I felt like an idiot in front of her; she was clearly making advances, and I didn't even know how to respond, even though that's what I wanted the most.

"I forgot to ask for your number last time; do you think it's too late to ask for it now?" I said nervously.

"It's never too late for anything, Matt," she said, smiling before taking out her phone.

We exchanged numbers, laughing like teenagers.

"Well, I think I should head back; I'm still covered in sweat, and I'm dying to take a shower," she said, laughing.

"I won't keep you any longer then," I said, smiling.

We looked at each other for a moment without saying anything before she decided to break the silence.

"Bye, Matt," she said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

"Bye, y/n," I replied, dying to kiss her.

She turned around and went back home.

I stood frozen there and ran my hand over the cheek she had just kissed.

Her lips so soft against my skin.

I won't let anything come between us, y/n, know that from today you're mine, and I'll do everything in my power to have you.

Even if it means removing Caleb from the equation...

⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱✮♱⋆♱

Taglist: @mayhem-72 @tillies33ssss @junnniiieee07 @bernardenjoyer @whicked-hazlatwhore @nicksmainbitch @vickyzloserz

[wrightingdungeon]

Growing Pains

Don't mind the writers block I'm going through, trying to get it to go away.

Enjoy a Shane fic in the meantime

Looking down at the plastic chew toy in his hand, Shane sighed, thinking about how his life ended up this way. 

He had moved him and his goddaughter here for a quiet, safe life, definitely not because he was depressed and lost in his mind about how to raise a child. Nooo.

And yet here he was buying a chew toy because- 

“You got a dog!” 

Damn it, Sam’s voice rang loud in his ears. Looking up at the taller yet younger male Shane’s brain froze, what should he say? How would he say it? 

“Jas… Jas has been wanting one…” He said slowly, trying not to sweat from the anxiety pooling in his stomach, that was kind of the truth

Like every child does at some point she had been asking for one, but that wasn't why he was buying a chew toy.

“DUDE! You are getting her a dog!” Sam jumped in place as his smile split his face. “That's so cool! I wish my parents would get us a dog, then us two and Alex can have doggy play dates!” 

Shane rolled his eyes slightly at Sam's excitement, always beaming with happiness. “Yeah, sure.” He said curtly while shoving the dog toy under his arm. 

Sam didn’t seem to notice Shane’s curt response as he leaned in closer. “Wait, did you get the dog already?” he asked, his eyes lighting up. “I wanna see them!.”

Shane forced a thin smile, his grip tightening on the chew toy. “No, no. It’s… uh, getting sorted. We got an adoption planned.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. “She’s... just not ready.”

“Oh man, I can’t wait to meet her,” Sam said, his voice bubbling with excitement. Though Shane was happy that he hadn't picked up on his tension at all. “Can I come by and help set up or something? I bet Jas is thrilled.”

“Uh, no I got it,” Shane replied, his mind racing. The last thing he needed was Sam poking around, especially with how Jas was now. She’d already gnawed through two of his shoes and had developed a habit of barking at the vacuum cleaner.

“Vincent’s gonna be so jealous. He’s been talking about wanting a puppy forever.” Sam chuckled, bouncing on his toes. 

The mention of Vincent made Shane’s stomach twist. He swallowed thickly, remembering how Jas had been bitten that night in the woods.

She said Vincent had been there too, the two of them stuck at the hip always, but that he had run off, leaving Jas alone. 

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm his anger, the thought of Jas not making it home that night making his blood burn.

“Yeah, well, don’t tell him,” Shane had to clear his throat, mustering a weak grin. “Just not yet… I want it to be a surprise, alright?”

Sam gave him a thumbs-up, oblivious as ever. “You got it, dude. I’ll keep it under wraps. This is gonna be so awesome.”

“Yeah,” Shane mumbled, already backing away. “Awesome.”

He turned on his heel, making a quick exit out of the aisle before Sam could say anything else. As he walked, he let out a long, shuddering breath. 

How was he going to do this? He was in over his head already. It was one thing raising a kid. It was another thing entirely raising a werewolf kid.

He couldn’t help but think back to the night it happened. Jas was at a sleepover with Vincent, Jodi was supposed to be watching the kids and had let them go out to play.

Shane had woken up hearing Jas crying. He was confused, hearing her voice broken and small. Why was she home?

“Uncle Shane,” she whimpered, her little hands clutched to her chest. “It hurts.”

Shane had sprung out of bed, groggy with sleep, only to freeze at the sight of Jas doubled over on the floor, clutching her stomach, her arm bloody and torn up. 

She was burning up, her skin clammy with sweat. He’d never seen her like this before — she was always so energetic, so full of life. His immediate thought was to call an ambulance, but then she looked up at him, and his heart dropped into his stomach.

Her eyes weren’t her own. They glowed a haunting, feral yellow.

“Jas?” he breathed, his voice cracking. He’d dropped to his knees, reaching out instinctively to touch her, but she flinched away. Scratching out in fear, catching his arm as a low growl rumbled from her throat — not a sound any child could make.

“It HURTS!!” she sobbed again, but her voice was different now, raw and strained as if it was scraping against something primal. Her hands had started to change, fingers curling and elongating, nails sharpening into small, claw-like points. 

Shane could only watch, horror freezing him in place as she continued to change before his eyes.

He didn’t understand what he was seeing. This wasn’t possible. This kind of thing didn’t happen in real life. He wanted to scream, to run, but this was Jas. His Jas.

He needed to do something. Anything.

“Jas,” he managed, forcing calm into his voice despite his rising panic. “It’s okay. I’m here, alright? I'm right here.”

But Jas wasn’t listening. She dropped onto all fours, her small body convulsing as patches of coarse fur sprouted along her arms and legs. She looked up at him again, her eyes wide with terror, and he saw her teeth had sharpened into little fangs.

“I’m scared,” she whispered, her voice almost unrecognizable. And then, she let out a pained howl that filled the entire house.

He’d spent the rest of the night cradling her, not knowing what else to do. He whispered soothing words, holding her close as her body continued to change, the convulsions tearing through her. He’d never felt more helpless in his life.

When the sun finally rose, the transformation seemed to ease. She was back to being a little girl again, but she was exhausted, her tiny frame limp in his arms. 

Shane had not slept a wink, his mind racing with what he’d witnessed. He’d considered taking her to a hospital, but how could he explain this to anyone? They’d take her away, lock her up, and treat her like a monster. And she wasn’t a monster. She was his little girl.

He’d promised her that morning as she slept, still curled up against his chest, that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. He’d figure it out. He had to.

Now, as he walked out of the store, clutching the purchased chew toy in his hand like it was some kind of lifeline, he wondered if he’d made the right choice. How long could he keep this secret? How long before someone noticed that Jas wasn’t just an ordinary kid anymore?

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of someone yelling his name. Shane looked up to see Vincent running towards him, his face flushed with excitement.

“THERE YOU ARE!” Vincent shouted, skidding to a stop in front of him. “Is Jas with you?” He peered around Shane, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Uh, no she's at home,” Shane said, hiding the toy behind his back. “What are you doing here, kid? Shouldn’t you be at home?” He had to hold his tone, reminding himself he was indeed talking to a child.

Vincent’s smile faltered a little, his shoulders slumping. “I just… wanted to see if Jas is okay,” he mumbled. “She hasn’t been at school, and Mom won’t tell me anything.”

Shane felt his chest tighten at the sight of Vincent’s downcast expression. “She’s…” Shane struggled to find the right words. How could he even begin to explain? “She’s been a little under the weather, that’s all. It’s nothing to worry about, buddy.”

Vincent looked up at him, his eyes searching Shane’s face for reassurance. “But it’s been so long,” he whispered. “Is she mad at me for running off? I heard… noises. Growling… But when I turned around, she was gone...”

The words hit Shane like a punch to the gut. He’d been so wrapped up in dealing with Jas’s condition that he hadn’t considered how Vincent might be feeling — the guilt, the confusion, knowing he’d abandoned his best friend.

He could see the kid had bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping well, he must have been worrying about Jas ever since that night in the woods.

“No,” Shane said firmly, dropping to one knee to look Vincent in the eye. “Listen to me, kid. Jas isn’t mad at you,” 

The words felt heavier coming out of his mouth than in his head. Still wanting to tear Jodi a new one for letting them go out so late, still mad at Vincent for running off, mad at himself for not protecting Jas.

But what would holding onto the anger do in this situation? Nothing.

It could have very well been him and his mom in his shoes. Feeling scared and alone, not knowing what to do, or who to talk to.

“And… And you didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” He said softly, as he looked at Vincent, seeing tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Then why won’t she see me?”

Shane hesitated, feeling like he was balancing on a knife’s edge. He couldn’t tell Vincent the truth, but he also couldn’t keep brushing him off like this. The kid needed something, some kind of explanation.

“She’s just… going through a rough patch, ok,” Shane said finally. “It’s hard to explain, but I promise you, she’s not mad at you. She really misses you, too.”

Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand Vincent sniffled. “Can I call her or something? Maybe it will make her feel better?”

Shane’s heart twisted in his chest. The sincerity in Vincent’s voice, the pure, untainted concern of a child who just wanted his friend back — it was almost too much to bear.  “Yeah,” he managed, his voice thick. “I think she’d really like that.”

Vincent’s face lit up, and he nodded eagerly. “And I’ll draw her a picture, too!! She loves my pictures.”

Shane forced a smile, reaching out to ruffle Vincent’s hair. “You’re a good kid, Vincent.”

“Do you think she’ll come back to school soon?” Vincent asked, his voice small. “It’s not the same without her.”

Shane swallowed hard. He wished he had an answer for that. He wished he could promise Vincent that everything would go back to normal. But the truth was, he didn’t know when — or if — things would ever be normal again.

“Maybe,” Shane said, standing up and patting Vincent’s shoulder. “Just give her a little more time, okay? She’ll come around.”

Vincent nodded, his expression a mix of hope and uncertainty. “Okay, you promise?”

Shane hesitated for a moment, could he promise? “Yeah, I promise.” He couldn't tell if it was a lie or not, he just hoped it wasn't.

As Vincent turned and ran off, Shane watched him go, feeling like a weight was pressing down on his chest. He was barely holding it together himself. 

Penny and Jodi had been asking about Jas, Vincent is worried, and now he will probably need to buy a dog so that way Sam won't ask him where the damn dog was.

He took a deep breath, glancing down at the chew toy in his hand. It was ridiculous, the lengths he was going to keep this secret. But if it meant protecting his girl, if it meant giving her a chance at a life that wasn’t defined by fear and uncertainty, then he’d do whatever it took.

Later that evening, Shane was sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands. He’d dropped the chew toy onto the counter, staring at it like it held all the answers he was searching for. Or at least the answer to his shoes no longer being torn up. 

The house felt too quiet now, the kind of quiet that buzzed in his ears. It was always like this after a full moon — Jas would sleep most of the day, exhausted from the transformation, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

He was so lost in his mind that he didn’t notice the tiny footsteps padding into the room until he heard a small voice.

“Uncle Shane?”

Shane’s head snapped up, and he saw Jas standing in the doorway, clutching one of her stuffed animals to her chest. She looked so small, so fragile, her big brown eyes wide and searching. 

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, pulling a smile onto his face. “You’re up early.”

Jas nodded, but she didn’t move any closer. She looked down at the floor, shuffling her feet. “I… I don’t feel good.”

Shane’s heart ached. He stood up, approaching her slowly. “Yeah, I bet. You had a rough night, huh?”

She nodded again, her bottom lip trembling. “My tummy hurts. And my head.”

Shane knelt in front of her, gently brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know, sweetheart. It’s gonna be like this sometimes, okay? But I’m here, and I’ll take care of you.”

Jas’s eyes flicked up to meet his, and there it was — that glint of something not quite human, like a shadow lurking in the depths of her gaze. It vanished almost as quickly as it came, but it was enough to make Shane’s breath catch in his throat.

“Are you mad at me?” she whispered.

The question took him off guard. “Mad? No, honey, why would I be mad at you?”

Jas’s grip tightened on her stuffed animal. “Because… because I’m different now. Because I’m a monster.”

Shane felt his chest clench painfully. He reached out, taking her small hand in his. “Hey, don’t say that. You’re not a monster, okay? You’re my girl. You will always be my girl.”

“But I hurt you,” she said, her voice so small he almost didn’t hear it. “I… I hurt you, Shane.”

Shane glanced down at his arm, where the deep scratch marks were still visible. He’d hidden it under his sleeve this morning, not wanting to alarm her, but clearly, she remembered. He gently squeezed her hand, forcing a smile.

“It was an accident, baby. You didn’t mean to. You were scared.”

Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling over onto her cheeks. “I don’t want to be scary,” she sobbed. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone.”

Shane pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly as she buried her face in his shoulder. He could feel her little body shaking, hear her hiccupping breaths as she cried. He held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“You’re not a monster,” Shane whispered, his voice barely above a murmur as he held her tight. Her small sobs wracked through his chest, and for a moment, he wasn’t sure if he was reassuring her or himself. 

“You’re just... you’re going through something no one should ever have to go through. But I’m here, kid. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together. Okay?”

Jas nodded against his shoulder, but the tears kept coming. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to be bad.”

“You’re not bad,” Shane said fiercely. “Don’t ever think that. You’re the best and bravest kid I know.”

They stayed like that for a long time, Shane kneeling on the kitchen floor, holding his goddaughter as she cried. He wished he could tell her it would get easier, that this was just a temporary problem. But he didn’t know that, and that uncertainty was what scared him the most.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Jas’s tired little voice breaking through her slowing crys brought a smile to Shane.

“Of course,” He said softly, lifting her into his arms. She snuggled against his chest, and he felt her relax, her breathing evening out.

As he carried her to bed, he couldn’t help but think about what the future might hold. 

He had no idea what he was doing, and he was terrified of making a mistake. But as long as Jas needed him, he’d keep going. He’d keep fighting for her.

Because she was his girl, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her safe.

[jevilowo]

I have an idea for an Omari Au

Instead of being a roleswap where Mari kills Sunny, it's like. Canon divergence.

So canon happens, Mari gets mad at Sunny for screwing up the song and throwing his violin down the stairs and Sunny accidentally pushes her. BUT! She doesn't land on the violin.

Basil still took photos and is still like "omg you killed Mari quick let's do an overcomplicated plan where we pretend she hung herself" and Sunny still goes along with it. But while they're setting up the noose, Mari wakes up.

She still got a massive bang on the head, but she didn't land on the violin so it wasn't fatal. She sees Sunny and Basil carrying her but she doesn't really know whats going on so she just mumbles their names. The two boys fucking PANIC and drop her and lowkey have breakdowns over how she isn't dead and oh my god we nearly actually killed her.

They drop Mari and Sunny tells Basil to go back inside and call an ambulance while he watches Mari, who in the meantime went unconcious again. Sunny sees the noose, still swinging there and he feels nothing but guilt over what happened.

On the spur of the moment, he decides he should punish himself. After all, he nearly killed his perfect older sister who did nothing but love him unconditionally. He hates himself.

He wonders what it would have felt like for her, and before he's processed what he's doing he's stepped up on a box and put his head through the noose.

He doesn't actualy mean to kill himself, but he slips off the box and the noose does its job. Mari comes to again, and what she sees of Sunny's hanging body from her angle on the ground becomes her Something.

When Basil sees what happened, he fucking skedaddles in panic. He has no idea what to do. So he does nothing.

Eventually the ambulance arrives and takes Mari and Sunny away.

Mari spends the three years Sunny spend hiding in canon in a coma. She had dreamspace explained to her enough by Sunny, and as the last things she saw were her brother, dreamspace kind of takes over her mind.

She still plays the role she did in canon: supporting from her picnic rug while the others go on adventures. In canon, Mari tries to make Sunny forgive himself, and in this Sunny is trying to make sure Mari stays oblivious to what happened as she doesn't remember and hate him.

However, Mari wakes up in the real world after the three years and that's where things start Occuring.

I haven't actually beaten the game yet myself (my puted deleted my progress when I was in Sweethearts Castle and I haven't felt like putting in another 6 hours since) but when I do (or watch a playthrough) I can develop further.

The dream before she wakes up is the same as canon, except as it's from Mari's picnicy POV the player doesn't see much. It's kind of similar to White Space in canon, Mari just roams between a toy piano, a computer and Mewo and there's a few cutscenes where she wonders why she's confined to the Picnic. Basil disappears (she sees this in like a vision sort of thing) and then she wakes up! Gasp!

She wanders her room in the hospital for a while, picks up an oversized syringe and even heads out into the corridor, but she's stopped by a nurse and she falls unconscious again.

Mari is still stuck at the Picnic back in the dream, saying nothing and smiling while her friends and Sunny talk (yeah he gets to talk here lol) about how they're going to help Sunny surpass his fear of heights, and then she's left alone again.

In this, whenever the party aproach a canon save point, the Picnic blanket crumples up with Mari and her things inside it, and it's dragged through a tunnel of sorts before popping out at the save point.

So on her second night, she decides to use her syringe to cut through the blanket and she does. She holds onto Mewo and the basket so while the blanket rolls off, she still has the cat and the ability to save her progress.

I'm not entirely sure what goes on from this point, but it likely involves Mari going on her oen adventures in these mysterious areas below the Headspace, maybe even having Stranger join her party at some point so they help each other figure out what's going on.

At the end of every night, Mari emerges from the tunnels and is found by her worried friends who take her back to the playground and she wakes up

The secon time Mari wakes up, Hero visits her in hospital where Kel did in canon, and he offers to sneak her out so she can see everyone. Really he's just desperate to talk to her again, and she isn't saying anything now and he thinks going outside may help. I'm thinking maybe he started interning at the hospital over the summer if he still was forced to go to medical school, and so knows how to sneak her in and out.

Like I said, not sure what happens from here but Basil feels even more guilty from contributing both to a death and a serious accident, Aubrey hasn't dyed her hair yet (she's waiting for Mari to wake up first) and Mari still doesn't say anything. She's amnesiac to be fair, and only remembers who Hero is from her dreams.

This whole au thing was inspired by me thinking about Mari as a character. We barely know anything about her other than that she was the perfect sister/girlfriend/mother figure to everyone. Maybe that's why she was a perfectionist. She was seen to be so perfect all the time and felt pressured to act that way.

Sunny's entire life revolved around her, they always spent time together and she's the reason he had friends in the first place. But what if Mari wasn't 100% fine with this? She loved her brother, sure, but maybe she just wanted something that was just hers. Not her boyfriend's, not Aubrey, Basil or Kel's and not even Sunny's.

Thus, the piano, and subsequently the recital. She got to be on her own for five minutes every day doing something she enjoyed (...to an extent, she got very frustrated when she fucked up) while her parents were forced to actually pay attention to Sunny for a while.

It's implied they were quite neglectful (didn't see Sunny drowning that one time, was away from the house long enough that the stairs and hanging incident went off without a hitch) and I'm sure this only added to Sunny's clingyness to Mari.

Which was why he got so upset that he couldn't spend time with her every second of every day when she started up with the piano. I'm not villainising him, obviously he was just a kid with neglectful parents, but I am saying that maybe he overreacted a little. Mari couldn't have been spending hours and hours at the piano everyday and even if she was he still had his other friends like right there, and he'd have more time with her after the recital.

So of course when he got upset and their friends started pointing it out Mari was all but obliged to include him somehow. Thus, the violin. And, perhaps, just a little resentment on Mari's end.

The violin that Sunny kept missing notes on. Mari was better at the song because she had practiced for longer, but it was easy to forget this when it kept happening. Over. And over. And over. And...

Eventually the resentment built up. Sunny was going to ruin her performance, the one she had put so much effort into practicing. Was he even trying?!

And so they argued, the violin was thrown, Mari shoved Sunny and he shoved back and–

We all know what happened.

So yeah the au idea came from my long long train of thought. Hope this ramble makes sense lol.

Oh yeah I'm thinking I might call this au like Kyojakuna (infirm), Konsui jōtai (comatose) Yowai (fragile, frail) or some variant bc Mari isn't a Hikikomori she's literally just stuck in hospital lol.

[shannendoherty-fans]

February 25, 1995 - Hello Magazine. Photos by Jadran Lazic.

Shannen Doherty in her Hollywood Home.

Beverly Hills 90210's bad girl turns over a new leaf

Since she left school in Tennessee to begin her acting career in 1981 at the tender age of ten, Shannen Doherty achieved early fame through Little House On The Prairie and went on to superstardom with her role as Brenda Walsh in Beverly Hills 90210, which she played for four years before leaving in unhappy circumstances. Along with her fame came a reputation as a partygoing wild young thing.

But, despite rumours about her tempestuous nature and off-screen temper tantrums, American television viewers have flooded producer Aaron Spelling with letters demanding her return to the series.

Shannen will be returning to Beverly hills 90210 to make a guest appearance, but in the meantime she has traded her tight jeans for feminine bustiers and demure new look for her role as Margaret Mitchell, author of Gone with the Wind, in a new television film about the faous writer's life.

Another part of her past that Shannen is ore than happy to leave behind is her involvement in several well-published arguments with boyfriends.

Shannen has been engaged twice – first to Christoper Foufas and then to Dean Factor, heir to the Max Factor Fortune.

then, in September 1993, after a very swift courtship, she married Ashley Hamilton, son of actor George Hamilton. Their marriage broke down just five months later, but Shannen can now recognise that she learned something positive from that most difficult episode.

Meeting her current boyfriend, 27-year-old director and producer, Rob weiss,seems to have marked a major change in her life. Heis rumoured to be the director of a forthcoming Oliver Stone production based on the Bret Easton Ellis novel, American Psycho.

After dating Rob for a year, Shannen now leads a much calmet lifestyle and spends much more time in her beautiful home in the Hollywood hills. it was there that the petite, raven-haired actress spoke to us about her new-found tranquility and her hopes for the future.

You started acting when you were only ten, do you ever regret that you started so early in your life?

"Yes, because I missed going to regular school and having classmates. I used to learn on the set with a tutor, so I was constantly in the company of adults. I didn't have a normal childhood and I am sorry about that."

Michael Landon produced the series Father Murphy in which you appeared, then he hored you to play Jenny Wilder in The Little House on the Prairie. Was he a very important person in your life?

"He was my mentor, my idel. Michael was like a second father to me. He was the most gentle man I have ever met. I can sincerely say that he was my teacher and my guide."

Did you enjoy working on your recent portrayal of Margaret Mitchell, the author of Gone With the Wind?

"I was so happy to get the part, as she had always fascinated me. And i must admit it was great fun to dress up in the very feminine costumes of that period. I read everything I could find about Margaret Mitchell. To learn her southern accent I went to live in North Carolina for a month before we started shooting so I could be among people who spoke that way. I also worked with a dialect coach."

What are you working on now?

"My boyfriend is going to direct a movie and I'm going to play in it. But I won't say any more becuase the project is in its early stages."

Do you prefer working in film rather than television?

"Yes, that's my plan. I want to get my own production company rolling and start developing and producing my own things. I want to continue to be an actress, but only to play the roles that excite me."

Can you tell us a little more about your boyfriend, Rob Weiss?

"He makes me happy. He has a lots of ambitions, a lot of drive,and he has a lot to teach me. Rob learns a lot from me, too. It's a very supportive relationship and it gives me a stable and happy environment."

Was meeting Rob a turning point in your life?

"Without any doubt. But to be honest with you. I've grown up a lotin the past year. I am stringer and I have got out of two bad situations."

Would you like to elaborate on those bad times?

"I'm talking about Beverly Hills 90210 where I was unhappy in my last two years with the show. Then there was my marriage to Ashley Hamilton in which I was even more unhappy."

Do you feel that your marriage was a mistake?

"Yes, it was. I know that each experience teaches you something and I have learned a lot from that one, but living through it was very difficult. I knew on my wedding day that it was a mistake, and I went through that whole day knowing in my head that I really shouldn't have gone ahead with it."

Then why did you marry Ashley?

"Because all of my friends around me kept pushing ,e to get married. 'Go ahead, do it! Do it!' they would say. I couldn't back down. So I did it. a month after our marriage I found out that Ashley had many problems that I had not been aware of. I loved him because I thought he had a good heart. But there are so many kinds of love. Now that I am really 'in love' with Rob, I know the difference."

You seem to have a very good relationship with Rob?

"Exactly. Since we are also close friends, we understand and learn from each other."

Do you forsee a wedding in the near future?

"Oh, it's a good way off yet. Right now I want to concentrate on my career."

Are you a little scared to try marriage again?

"A little. I have only known Rob for a year. We need more time to learn more about each other. But I am not against marrying again. And the next time I get married I would like it to last forever. So I'm not going to ruch things. I'm being smart and taking one day at a time."

Can you talk about the problems that you had on Beverly Hills 90210?

"The first two years were great. We were a bunch of young actors who became good friends, we were happy. My character, Brenda Walsh, was fascinating.

"Then Brenda changed and I did not like the character I was protraying any more because the writers and producers made her less interesting to me. She seemed to have far less range, the character wasn't challenging me as an actress. So I asked to quit. But I was under contract and they didn't let me leave for another two years."

How did you manage to work so long in a situation you didn't like?

"To a certain extent those two years felt as if I were serving a prison sentence! But some of the people were really nice and I leanred a lot from the experience."

In what ways have you changed since you left the series last spring?

"I'm more patient, more mature. Don't forget that at the beginning of the series I became suddenly famous. I didn't understand how to deal with fame. It was a huge responsability that I was uable to cope with at the time.

"I was probably too young and too naive, to handle the unhappy situations. Today I am stronger. I have a certain inner peace that allows me to deal with anything."

With your experiencem if you had children would you want them to go into acting?

"No. I'll never have my child in this business."

We've so often heard you described as a tempestuous wild-child. Could you describe the real Shannen?

"I am quite a nice person. I was lucky to have great parents who brought me up well. When I read nasty things about myself, even though they were 90 per cent untrue, they hurt terribly. It was an insult to my parents who do not deserve to hear that their daughter was so naughty. Especially as I wasn't."

How do you cope with the stories?

"You just have to deal with it the best you can. You start by getting angry and wanting to change things. But it doesn't work that way. so you have to learn to live with all the stories. I was never ableto stop them anyway.

"Now I am strong, very ambitious and I think I also have a good heart. My good friends can attest to that. I like to hel`p people and I am a good loyal friend.

What do you like to do when you're not working?

"I love cooking. And I love shopping, that's my downfall! But I am also very wise and I give myself just so much money to spend each week."

What kind of clothes do you like to wear?

"At home I wear mostly jeans and T-shirts, things that are comfortable. But when I go out at night I like to wear flowing long dresses. I like to look very feminine."

You used to be seen at all the hot nightclubs but more recently you've left that scene alone. What happened?

"Now I stay here in the evenings with my boyfriend. We cook, we eat, we read, we listen to music. We are happy at home alone. We are in love and it's pretty frightening, we are a bit like an old married couple! I know exactly what he's going to say and he knows exactly how I'm going to react to something. We can predict almost everything about one aother, which is actually great. It's very comfprtable."

If you could change anything about yourself now what would it be?

"I want to stop smoking. I always promised to myself that I would. I also want to take better care of myself. I adore cheeseburgers and French fries, they're my daily lunch and I know it's bad.

"Apart from that I don't think I would change anything. I like myself. My parents and my brother Sean like me too. I'm happy. I can0t ask for anything more."

Interview: Christopher Monroe.

[seeker-ophelia]

I agree with a lot of your points. I’m glad we know how much of a dumpster fire development was because this game hurts. Both good and bad. I obviously don’t know but some of the writing does feel like damage control, things aren’t mentioned but they’re also not denied. Isabella could still be with Hawke and just not have mentioned it. Awkward for sure but still possible. Combined with the DLC statement (tho I hope with the sales and reception EA will reconsider) I think they just wanted to get this out the door before EA full on canceled the game. It does suck, I’m not in denial about that. I want all those cameos and spotlights, (hell where is my girl Merrill? She FIXED a mirror on her own, there’s gotta be something there right?) but I’m hopeful for the next game.

Do you think there will be one? Do you think we’ll get DLC? I don’t think I can take another ten years of this.

Oh an ask! Hi!

I really do think that this game was BioWare fighting against EA, and EA's influence runs heavy through this game. I am so glad this is not a MMORPG or adjacent kinda game.

Do I think we'll get a DLC? Honestly? No. Not unless VG does very very well in sales (i haven't looked at the numbers and don't know what their projections were), and people constantly keep the hype up on social media. I would FROTH AT THE MOUTH to get a 'Keep' DLC, with none of the side quests actually having an impact on the main story, but we get to see & help out our old friends. A DLC where we learn more about the lore and history of the veil and spirits. If I am a new player to the DA franchise in this game, I feel the need to keep the veil up. Its spoken about ad nauseum. But, if you've played Inquisition, you know that its actually the veil that turns spirits to demons (Solas/Cole banter). Yes, there are some demons in the fade, but not as many as the game leads you to believe.

I'm rambling. Do I think we'll get a new game? they certainly set it up that way. I'm not on twitter but apparently devs have said there is plans for it. will it take 10 years? I fucking hope not. Hopefully development on 5 is more streamlined. Keep it an offline RPG. Not pass it through so many hands. Let BioWare cook with it. Let the community council pick apart the lore. But most importantly, is Corrine and Trick need to still care. Caring about something is what makes it great. And if they're burnt out or overworked or have to fight with EA, that's gunna show up in the game.

The scariest thing about Veilguard, for me, is that it didn't suck. I think its a good game in its own right. But its not a DRAGON AGE game. I'm hoping that this is because Trick wanted to make it his own, move away from Gaiders influence, and that they'll listen to fans and make the next game more adult, darker. Meaner (no, killing a dog doesn't make it mean, its just feels like a D&D/GoT way to SuBvErT ExPeCtaTiOns). This is a very esteemed franchise, and VG did drop the ball. Maybe not drop, but, rolled it over somewhere else? In a different direction. Which, again, isn't bad. Its just not Dragon Age.

When we heard about "the three choices" controversy, I posted something, i wonder if I can find it hang on. Bam got it.

The thing is, the Devs HAVE TO. HAVE TO. Care about the game. They have to put their blood sweat and tears into these games to make them fantastic. And I think, right now, they're probably tired. They need a break. And I don't want to rush them into anything, because shit is better if you let them have the time to cook it.

But Fuck I hope we get another Game. I hope the Twitter Trolls and the Youtube Bigots and the Money Grubbing EA Executives stay the fuck out of my Fantasy Dragon Game.

In the meantime, I'm gunna fucking INHALE all the new lore in this game, spoonfed or not, and hopefully we'll get another comic or book before the next game.

[thedragonagelesbian]

The dead hold no secrets from Jergal's Scriveners

"What are you doing?" Gale wished he sounded less inquisitive and more outraged as Shadowheart pawed through the pockets of their cadaverous companion. "Shouldn't we be bringing him back?"

"I will," she replied coolly, "but it isn't like he's getting any more dead, is he? And in the meantime..." She found what she was looking for and pulled out the trinket they had found in the Shrine of Jergal, the skull and its scroll. "I can't be the only one who's curious about what secrets our angel might be hiding."

Astarion huffed. "Is this really the best use of our time and resources? The three of us are, in case you've forgotten, going to join him if we don't find a healer soon."

"The bigger waste would be losing a perfectly good shield between us and our enemies."

"And, I must confess, I am rather curious to see how resurrection magic interacts with our cranial acquisition." Gale could still feel the parasite twinging in their dead companion's skull, but would it survive the flood of divine magic? "Unpleasant though dying is, revivification could prove to be the cure we've been looking for."

"Well, the two of you are free to roll over and die if you'd like, but count me out," Astarion snapped back.

"No one else is dying yet," Shadowheart interrupted sharply. She had tied the amulet around her neck and brought a hand to clasp its token. "Let's just start with a couple of questions."

She closed her eyes and raised her other hand. Green light danced in her palm before flowing down and enveloping his body. His corpse lifted, pale and limp, head lolling, auburn hair spilling across the ground. Gale grimaced. He hadn't known the fellow well, but he had been decent enough to save Gale from the portal, and friendly enough in camp. He had had so few friends since developing his affliction...

Shadowheart's eyes glowed sickly veridian as she opened them again and asked, "Who are you, really?"

"Cyrus..." came the faint, deep voice. It paused, as if there was still enough of a soul attached to it to consider something, and added, "...harbinger..."

"Harbinger of what?" Shadowheart pressed.

Cyrus' mouth and one of his eyes gleamed emerald, but the other eye burned with the same scarlet cut into his skin, the same runes that etched themselves into him whenever he bled too much on the battlefield. Gale had been trying to study the markings surreptitiously but hadn't been able to get a good look at them in the heat of combat. Still, if he had to hazard a guess, he'd say whatever Cyrus was a harbinger of, it wasn't anything good.

Regrettably, the corpse didn't answer the question, prompting another irritated sound from Astarion. "You should've expected as much; dying typically isn't known for fixing what's already been broken."

"If his memory loss was due to some sort of enchantment, dying could've ended it, allowing him to access his memories again," Gale reasoned. "It was certainly worth the experiment, for his sake as much as our own. What else do you think he might want to know about himself?"

The question hadn't been addressed to the corpse, but this one it did respond to, rasping, "Why... does it hurt...?"

Shadowheart blinked a couple of times, her outstretched hand suddenly trembling. "I-I don't know. Why does it hurt?"

"Gave... Astarion asked, I gave..."

The answer hung heavy in the air until Shadowheart knelt down beside Cyrus' levitating body. Her irradiated fingers brushed aside the hair that had fallen across his throat, revealing a pair of puncture wounds set into his neck.

"So that's it, then." She glowered over her shoulder at Astarion, who had begun to take indiscreet, shuffling steps away from the group. "We've been traveling with a lying vampire who decided to take our blood in the middle of the night?"

"Gave!" The gossamer spirit almost sounded angry this time, the word buckling with the intensity of a whole life behind it. "I gave, I gave, I gave."

His body slumped back to the ground.

[thememecrown]

ALERT RED. ALERT RED. I JUST FOUD A TREASUR.

I was complaining that I didn't have anything to get me excited about Lan Xichen x Jiang Cheng right? GOD TUMBLR HAVE ANSWER MY PRAY! GOD HAVE ANSWER.

Under the name " @a-sky-full-of-ideas ".

I found this post from 2022 about JC a food critic and LXC a chef, I'll leave the link here.

It so happens that I have friends in the restaurant business (a friend of mine is the chef of a restaurant for 5 years) and I criticized his recipes in the first years of his career because i have developed a very fine palate. Also being Italian my entire culture revolves around food, i know at least seven different ways to roll out handmade pasta (I also count the various Italian and Asian grannies, who teach me their secrets) .

I read this post and I get emotional and I said/commented in the hope that no one had their hands up (I don't like taking ideas that others have already done out for respect) and when he said "I haven't seen anything like this out there yet, you can do it!". I JUMPED OUT.

I think I'll use something my grandmother said (who always found an excuse to make me warm vanilla cookies) "Food is not just quality is also feeling… do you know that to say I love you to your grandfather every day i made him ginger biscuits with brown sugar on top? Even if I didn't like it i ate them with him, alone to see him happy?"

LXC works hard for every dish he makes and JC only gives him 4.5/5 stars every time, and an affront to his cooking and his mother's recipes!!

So I would say that with a good base of angst and fun and a pinch of love that is worked with a little desire and tension, with another pinch of growth relationship… and a piece of conflicting feelings and incompression. May it be a perfect recipe to break a dish! + I foresee a serving of 20/30 dishes for this (this one waited years for this. YEARS. I feel entitled to make it last as long as possible!!!!)

In the meantime, I thank you for giving me permission to use your idea little star, I will treat this rare pearl well (because is absurd that someone hasn't done it yet!! ABSURD!!) You are not obliged to follow it but if did, it is much appreciated! !!🫂🫂🫂

In the meantime, you know who to thank little stars!

See you with the updates tomorrow 🫂 !!!

[aintgonnatakethis]

4 months post top surgery

Am happy with the scars and flatness but not happy with the lump under my right arm, the pain I am in on that side, or the dismissal I have received from both the surgeon and the gender clinic over this issue. Further discussion below picture.

10 weeks after surgery I begin to develop the lump under my right arm. I have a scheduled phone app with a Senior Name Professional at the GC, who encourages me to get in contact with my surgeon right away. I do so, and am asked to come in for an app.

The surgeon was rude and dismissive about the problem. I had (on his instruction) been wearing compression tape on the scars 24/7 since the post-op, but still he demanded to know why I hadn't been stretching, specifically telling me I should be raising my arms straight over my head and stretching, which is the 101 of Do Not Do after top surgery. When I said this, he asked me who told me that. I replied with the name of my doctor at the GC and he snapped "She's not a surgeon. Who are you going to listen to?" At the post-op he also said that any of the dissolvable stitches that hung around a further week could just be pulled out. This seemed like a fucking stupid thing to do so I didn't and it was a further 6 weeks before they went away on their own.

He mentioned liposuction in passing and then told me "I think you're exaggerating your symptoms due to your anxiety".

I went to my GP soon after who immediately diagnosed me with muscle splinting, which is where the muscle around a wound locks up to protect the wound and then has trouble relaxing again; apparently very common for invasive surgery of the torso but something the surgeon never mentioned to me. My GP gave me muscles relaxants (2mg Diazepam 3 times a day for 2 weeks).

During my second follow appointment with the surgeon he didn't bother to check my range of movement and said my pain was caused by a damaged tendon that could take up to a year to heal. When I showed him that the pain was only present when the fatty tissue put pressure on the tendon he said he "didn't know why that was".

I speak to my SNP again and they agree I shouldn't be in pain and share my concerns on how I've been treated. They say they'll get me an app with my GC doctor and a 2nd opinion from another top surgeon.

A week later they email to say I'm going to get neither, as the GC doctor has already made up their mind based solely on the surgeon's recommendation. They attach the letter the surgeon sent.

"he is fixed on the appearance" "He seems to claim that this is causing pain" "he appears to be still concerned and dissatisfied with the appearance"

I have made it very clear to all parties involved that I am very happy with how everything looks, and the dismissal (and let's be real, accusation of making my pain up) smacks of misogyny - oh the dumb women couldn't possibly know when she's actually in pain. I feel this is backed up by him telling me "you need to learn to appreciate your new body" and rolling his eyes when I asked if I should change in my diet post-op to ensure the best recovery. Discussed previously here.

"I think he needs to glean support to help his cognitive adjustment to his outcome"

Anyone who can tell me what this means gets a gold star. Also who the fuck talks like this?

After this I make an app with my GP, who also agrees I shouldn't be in pain. They emailed my surgeon before my 2nd follow up but haven't received a response. They said they will email both my surgeon and GC in an attempt to get things sorted.

In the meantime they've prescribed me a second round of muscle relaxants, this time at a stronger dose (5mg Diazepam 3 times a day for 2 weeks) to see if it will fix the problem.

My GP should not have to be providing post-op care and they're the only person involved I don't feel let down by.

[blueaizu]

Aizu Updates: Uploading Older Art, Other Social Media Activities

Lately I've been busy doing book illustrations for a friend and I've reached a point where they have to be done now now now, so I haven't had much time set aside for making new stuff. I've got a few older drawings in my backlog, though, so to help my page feel more complete I'll be uploading some of those in the meantime. They may not completely reflect how I draw now, but rest assured they all still fit the criteria for being something I still like enough to share!

That was the actually important thing, so I'll put the rest of this post after a cut. It's basically just rambling about observations of social media I made.

So in the interest of covering more bases when I become a vtuber, I've been looking into some more alternatives for Twitter. Don't get me wrong, Tumblr's been great and I'm happy to keep using it! But while Tumblr's suited for more in depth blog posts, there's a succinct immediacy to the more rapid fire nature of the Twit. As a regular person I don't actually miss using it (I mean seriously Twitter's a goddamned cesspool); but I recognize its power in sharing quick updates with a large body of users that are scrolling through content like a naughty child unravelling a roll of toilet paper.

The platform that seems the most promising is called Bluesky, which is currently invite only because it's still in beta. It was founded in part by Jack Dorsey, the previous CEO of Twitter, so Bluesky's striking resemblance to Twitter is no coincidence. Supposedly it will allow communities to run from their own servers, but it can also carry over your account information seamlessly between them. People used to say the blockchain could have good uses when NFTs were still going around, and at the time I didn't believe them, but now I think I'm starting to see what they meant (but I still hate NFTs).

The limited supply of invites driving up demand on top of the Muskman seemingly doing everything in his power to sabotage his own platform is giving Bluesky quite a bit of hype, so I think it might actually have a chance to flourish. It will for sure start off basically being Twitter 2.0, but its more open nature supporting outside servers run by smaller communities instead of one big monolith can let it grow into its own thing. But who knows when Bluesky will open its doors to the public? Even if I do get in right now, you (yes, you, the person reading this) likely wouldn't have access.

Another alternative that's available right now and very similar to what I described is Mastodon. While I could see its potential as a platform, it's difficult to use and the audience just doesn't seem fully there. A number of people fled there from Twitter, but they didn't stick around because it's actually nothing like Twitter. They still had a net gain of new users, but I have my doubts about sticking with it. Still, I wouldn't write it off just yet since Mastodon does power Pawoo, which is a Japanese-run community that's associated with Pixiv and is quite lively in its own right. This is the true power of a platform with an open source network of community-run servers.

Anyway what was the point I was trying to make with this again?

uh

I hope these developments mean we're on the cusp of a new age of social media where we have the power to run our own communities and not be at the mercy of one big corporation? Yeah, something like that.

Also being a vtuber is cool.

Actually, you know what? Speaking of vtubers, you deserve a little reward for making it this far. You didn't have to do that, but you did! Don't tell anyone, but...

SURPRISE PEEK AT MY VTUBER!!

[kyousystem]

Permanence Dev Log (2023-01-05)

I keep going back and forth on whether or not I want to go to the trouble of extending my game engine to include a built-in level editor—or, barring that, make a separate level editor that can export to the file format used by my engine.

It's another one of those things that'd require a lot of up-front effort, but would pay dividends long into the future once finished... but it'd also mean I'd be draining more of my available time and energy away from the creative side of the project while working on it.

Honestly, I don't want to do that right now, since the content creation side of things is what really gets me fired up about my work more than just about anything else, heheh. My main focus right now is to get the ball rolling again, anyway, and to build up some momentum with the development effort.

For now, I'll leave it as future "nice-to-have" item, and we'll see if I end up needing to make any maps so large and complex that a level editor is necessary.

In the meantime, I'll keep working on the one checkered tower map, and hopefully also get the graphical glitches with vertical movement fixed so I can post a video of that, heheheh~

[casspurrjoybell-17]

HEART'S FATE - CHAPTER 1

*Warning: Adult Content*  

‘Flora, Nico, Rio, Miguel. Hurry up. It’s almost time to go.’

Following his own advice, Martin Hunter, hastily packs four lunch-boxes into four identical lunch-bags as he listens to his kids scramble through their morning routine. 

As usual, his daughter, Flora finishes first and arrives downstairs with her exuberant curls pinned with her favourite flower hair-clips and her backpack full of books on her shoulder.

‘Do you have your homework?’

Flora rolls her eyes at her father, a recently required skill.

‘Of course. The others have theirs too. I checked.’

Dropping her school-bag by the door, she sits at the dinning table and serves herself some scrambled eggs and toast while her father pours her a glass of juice.

‘Nico got a math problem wrong but I helped him fix it,’ she says. 

‘And Miguel made a bunch of spelling mistakes but luckily he wrote it in pencil so it was easy erased and corrected.’

‘You know that if you do their homework for them, they won’t learn,’ Martin says.

‘I don’t do it for them,’ she says, rolling her eyes again. 

‘I just show them how to do it right.’

Martin hides his smile. 

At eleven, his daughter reminds him of a young, Afro/Latina Hermione Granger, brilliant, motivated and a little bossy. 

She’s his right-hand man and helps keep her three brothers in check. 

Miguel arrives next, plopping into the chair next to his twin sister with a sleepy mumble that sounds almost ‘Good morning Dad’.

‘Morning, sweetheart,’ Martin says, ruffling his messy hair as he sets a glass of juice in front of him. 

Miguel is his sisters opposite, shy, quite and happiest when he’s alone with his sketchbook.

‘Ready for school?’

Martin interprets Miguel’s monosyllabic sound as a ‘yes’. 

His younger set of twins arrive in a rush of running feet and joyful shrieks as Rio chases Nico with a toy snake. 

Martin catches Nico before he crashes into the table and plucks the rubber snake from Rio’s grasp.

‘Breakfast boys,’ he says sternly. 

‘And the snake stays here. I do not need another mid-morning call from your teacher.’

‘Yes, Daddy,” they say in chorus and sit down at the table to serve themselves breakfast. 

Martin’s heart warms a little as they wolf down their simple meal and he sighs a breath of gratitude and relief he always feels when he has all his children, safe and happy in one place. 

When the Hunter children finish they rise and carry their plates to the sink. 

Flora pauses before placing her plate in the soapy water.

‘Did you have breakfast, Dad?’ she asks.

‘Not yet. I’ll eat in a bit.’

Flora eyes her father, solemnly.

“Alright. Make sure you do. Nutrition is important, you know?’

‘Yes ma’am,’ Martin says, smiling and teasing her a little.

Flora is observant for her age, a little too much so, sometimes and smart as a whip, just like he mother. 

Fortunately she’s also kind and caring, not like her mother, at all.

‘You guys have been really good lately,’ Martin tells his children, leaning on the table while they gather up their packs and head for the door. 

‘Keep it up and I’ll take you all fishing this weekend. What do you say?’

A chorus of voices give resounding approval of this plan and even Miguel looks exited.

‘Alright, alright,’ Martin laughs. 

‘Now get moving or you will be late. You know the drill, hold hands, use the crosswalk and don’t talk to strangers. Got it?’

‘Yes, Dad.’

In an instant, the Hunter children are out the door and down the street. 

It’s barely a five minute walk to school, one reason why Martin chose this house but it had taken his a year before he let them take it by them selves. 

The urge to follow them and see them safely in their classrooms is still strong but he resists. 

Doctor Vance said it was good for them to develop some independence and good for Martin to trust them. 

Still, he had asked their teachers to call him right away if they were more than three minutes late and he won’t really relax until they are home again in the afternoon. 

In the meantime, he has work to do. 

The real-estate agent had warned him that the house was a ‘fixer-upper’ but the size, price and location had been too good to be passed up. 

Gradually, Martin had come to understand that what he had saved up front he’d pay for in other ways. 

The plumbing was old and leaking, the wiring was outdated and the roof needed repairs. 

Something was always broken and the place rained dust. 

Still, it was cosy and warm, nothing like the cold sterile house the kids had grown up in and for better or worse, they loved it. 

Maybe because it had nothing of their mother here. 

Now they just have Martin and of course their three uncles that live nearby, his brothers, Dane, Noah and Monty who despite everything he has done had welcomed him and his family here. 

The three Hunter brothers and their mates had all offered to help with whatever they needed, babysitting, grocery run a extra pair of hands, now and then but he couldn’t bring himself to ask for what he thought he didn’t deserve. 

The last time Martin had talked to him, Dane had suggested hiring someone to help with the house work but the single Dad wouldn’t pay for something he could do himself, either. 

He had a strict budget, bills, necessities and whatever the kids needed. 

Everything else went into the college fund. 

Their mother could have put them all through medical school twice but their mother could have killed them, as well. Martin was perfectly happy never to see another dime of her money. 

Meanwhile, as long as the kids were safe and happy, then Martin would be happy enough, too. 

He made sure they had clean clothes, got to school on time and did their homework. 

He made sure they came to a place they felt loved and that they always had food on the table. 

He made sure they laughed and had things to look forward to and made good memories to look back on. 

Martin Hunter felt he had failed his children in just about every other way imaginable. 

He would rather die than fail his kids, again. 

The pain in his chest comes suddenly, a sharp stab behind his ribs that makes him gasp and grab the back of the chair for support. 

It fades over the course of the few steady breathes to a dull ache and his alarm subsides. 

It’s nothing new. 

It started when his mate broke their already weak bond with her betrayal but it’s been happening more frequently in the past week or so. 

Nothing to worry about, Martin tells himself, as a wolf with a broken mate-bond, it’s just something he has to live with, the last way his wife Elena will ever hurt him.  

After a few breathes he carries on with the list of daily chores. 

When he is finished with the housework, the single dad runs errands in town, good exercise, since he doesn’t have a car. 

Then he accesses the house and triage repairs based on propriety, a patch on the roof, the leaky downstairs bathroom faucet and the light above the stove. 

Lastly, there is his pet project and future investment, the free standing garage. 

With no vehicle to store in it, he’s been slowly turning it into a separate apartment and loft. 

Someday he’ll rent it out to college students or an Air B&B or something and make an income on the side. 

But for now it’s low propriety and all he’s manage to do is take a few measurements before it’s time before it’s time to start thinking about a snack for the kids and what to make for dinner. 

Later, once they are in bed, he’ll ‘go to work’ which fortunately he can do almost anytime and anywhere. 

Elena used to mock Martin’s career as a writer of crime novels, his income only being a fraction of hers but he’s proud to say it’s enough to get by on, for now. 

In a few years Flora and Miguel will be teenagers. 

They will want, at least one car and stylish clothes and a larger allowance and... 

Martin’s cell-phone rings and his heart leaps in his chest when he recognizes the phone number of the children school.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello. Is this Mr Martin Hunter?’

The voice on the other end is male and very softly spoken.

‘Yes. Speaking.’

“Hi. I’m Skylar West. I teach Art at your son’s school.’

‘Oh. Which one? I mean, which son?’

‘Well, actually I teach all grades but today I’m calling about Miguel.’

Martin’s heart kicks into high gear with images of horrific pencil-sharpening accidents or whatever may happen in an art class, flash through his brain.

‘Is he okay. What happened? Is he hurt?’

‘No, no. It’s nothing like that. I’d just like to talk to you about... his art.’

‘Oh. Well, as his father, I’m obviously biased but he is quiet talented,’ he says, holding the cell-phone away from his face briefly to catch his breath.

‘I agree,’ the quiet, mellow voice replies. 

‘However, it’s not the quality of his work that concerns me but the content. Have you seen his sketchbook.’

Martin’s heart quickens, again. Miguel is eleven but he can’t imagine him drawing anything inappropriate. 

He’s more interested in pond scum than in girls or boys. 

‘No. Not recently,” Martin admits.

‘Well, usually children's art is merely that, art from the minds of children. Adults often read too much into it. But in this case the persistence  that worries me. Some of the scenes he’s drawn are fairly violent and contain people that Miguel says are his family. And for some reason he’s drawn them all as wolves.’

‘Has he?’ Martin asks, his voice cracks and he clears his throat.

‘Yes and I’m honestly a little bit concerned and I’d like to speak to you in person, if you don’t mind.’

‘Of course. When?’

‘This afternoon. If you have time.’

‘I can come right now.’

‘Good. I’ll be in the art room. See you soon.’

The phone-call disconnects and Martin hangs his head, dragging his fingers through his short dense curls. 

Raising four children, by himself is hard enough. 

Raising a little pack of werewolves comes with a whole different set of challenges.

[loudelossantos]

TECHNOPRENEURSHIP 004:

The AVR Pressure Cooker

Hey everyone, welcome back to the thrilling world of Technopreneurship! Today, we're back in the nerve-wracking AVR room, facing the challenge of pitching our tech ideas. Remember the elevator pitch concept – which super-short sales pitch should take as long as a quick elevator ride? Yeah, that was the test we were all sweating over right now. The tension in the AVR room was thick enough to cut with a butter knife. My classmate just finished presenting their idea – a concept focused on creating a community space, kind of like a modern-day "third space." It was interesting, but it went on for a while (like, 15 minutes!). Our professor, bless him, had to gently remind everyone that this was a quick-fire sales pitch, not a college lecture. My mind was already racing, trying to figure out how to condense my entire tech idea into a minute, make it crystal clear, and hopefully impress the audience. The pressure was definitely on! As each classmate stepped up, the feedback came rolling in. Some ideas were put on hold for further development, while others got the dreaded thumbs-down, meaning they had to go back to the drawing board and come up with something completely new. By this point, the room was buzzing with a mix of nervous energy and a healthy dose of fear. It seemed like our professor had very high standards – one student had to pitch their idea a whopping fifteen times before it got the green light! I remember our professor saying this, and a hush fell over the room. Fifteen times? The pressure to get my pitch perfect in just 60 seconds felt monumental. Speaking of ideas, my first attempt at a tech idea focused on a grocery store app. That one got shot down because another classmate had the same concept. So, back to the drawing board, I went! Being right there in the AVR room, watching the other presentations unfold was a valuable lesson. The key takeaways? Be specific, keep it short and sweet, and get straight to the point. Fueled by this newfound knowledge, I started brainstorming a new tech idea. Something more focused, something with the potential to make a real difference. Inspiration struck when I thought about my dad, a former smoker. Smoking has all sorts of nasty long-term effects, with heart disease being a major one. And that's when it hit me: a tech idea focused on heart health! Curious about what this potentially life-saving concept could be? Well, stay tuned for blog number 005, where I'll delve into the details and hopefully get your heart racing (in a good way) about this exciting new project! In the meantime, I'd love to hear from you! Have any of you had experiences with high-pressure pitching? What are some challenges you've faced in developing a tech idea? Leave a comment below and let's chat!

[asoulofatlantis]

Here we go again...

Sometimes you just need to take a break from the game to get things rolling again.

I would have prefered to do it Clouds was and just kick this man in the butt... but I feel like Aerith would not have agreed to that XD

Rushing through a game was never harder as in this one...

At least it was somewhat worth it... not that I plan on going back any time soon.

After this hassle, lets take a moment and enjoy the view...

There is a freaking bounty on us.

I am stuck in the fishing town for some reason... urg. Why must you make it so hard for me game? T.T

Oh look who I've found, now that talking to Barett finally moved to story forward... I think that in the original game, she was optional.

If anybody dares to hurt that Dolphin, I am going to kill that person. Very painfully.

Okay... the Monster hurt the Dolphin. Now I am going to kill the Monster. Cloud! Do your job!

I set the difficulty higher for training purposes but forgot to lower it after training was done ^^'

The difference a change in difficulty makes is simply amazing...

S-She is? Really? Why? We are a bunch of random losers ^^' I am serious. Speaking of our part of Avalanche, we haven't exactly done anything big - especially nothing GOOD. Even if you are a hater of Shinra, our little attack on Shirna was only to save Aerith to begin with and it was a huge mess, that would have killed Berette if it would not have been fore the Deus x machina Wispers ^^'

I can still not believe that this is the right answer... but almost all the walkthroughs say it is so... it must be true, right? Also... the question was if he can remember the first time they meet. "Nope" was obviously the wrong answer XD And "The Church" was also not right, because it was the second time they meet. So... yeah... I really had no other choice then tell her that she shoved a flower in his pretty face XD

I saw people complaining about this on YouTube, because in Remake, she didn't seem to mind at all that he gave the flower to another girl, even tho he was very much aware that in hindsight it wasn't a good idea when Aerith asked what he did with the flower. I think there are two reasons for this. First of all: It has been a few days since then and A LOT has happened in the meantime, so her feelings might have changed and developed a bit. At first she might have not minded it mush or enjoyed seeing him squirm at the question while she acted as if it was fine for her, but now... she realized that she has feelings for the guy and of course then it bothers her if he gave the flower that meant "lover reuinted" to Tifa, after she gave it to him. The second one, was an explanation I found on YouTube. It says that when she asked for the flower, she still had her memories from OG (that she likely got through the lifestream from OG-Aerith - if you think this is complicated, trust me, it will get worse later on) and knew she would die eventually, so understanding that falling for Cloud would only lead to pain for both of them, thus supporting Tifa, who had been there for Cloud after Aeriths death. Which is also why we got the "don't fall in love with me" situation in the Dream sequence - which contradicted itself with the touching of his face, BUT apparently that ALSO was OG-Aerith, so likely trying to keep Cloud from feeling too much pain when losing her, but also unable to stand the temptation of touching him again? (I am not even making this shit up by the way... they say it was confirmed in the Ultimania or something?) ANYWAY, Remake-Aerith lost those Memories when the Wispers took them from her and thus now, she doesn't know any reason why she shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with Cloud. Lost me here? Don't worry, I've already seen like 5 or so explanations of which Aeriths is which and where Zack came from and went to and what happened to Cloud when... you don't know that yet, so lets move on, but let me tell you half of the time, I have no idea whats happening here either XD

I actually love how he doesn't even try to save his ass anymore by making some excuses or says something stupid like he didn't care about the flower but just says "Noted." and accepts the lecture.

Das Smiley muss hellblau sein, um das volle Golden Date zu bekommen. We still have a long way to go guys...

Sorry Tifa... but I shouldn't talk with you. You know... keep your smiley dark, if you get me ^^' That aside... it was about time they talk about their argument. Its been some time since then. I mean... not really. Its a day or so. But still!

I am glad that you two are making up but... the thing is... you know... you were actually right... or at least not so far off with doubting him and you actually do know that.

I feel sorry for both of them. At first I wanted to just say "Poor boy" and say that he is trying so hard, even tho he does not actually care, but I also feel sorry for Tifa. She just wanted to have a nice little casual chat and he... didn't look like he is interested at all and now she knows he just listens because he doesn't want to hurt her - yes, that is good, because it means he cares, but its still not what she wanted.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

ok so pls note that 1) this recipe involves a pullman's loaf pan, which is a bread pan that looks sorta like a train car since it's got a slidey lid and 2) i am NOT an expert baker, this is just what's been working thus far

I usually go with a 1:1:1:2 ratio (35g/35g/35g/70mL) of white flour, whole wheat flour, sourdough starter and water to make the levain. The levain is sort of the little offshoot starter that gets totally mixed into the dough when it's time for the bread to start happening. I do my levain in a glass jar and close up the top with some plastic wrap

I bump my oven up so that it's between 80-105ishF (i dont turn my heater on in the winter it's usually a high sixties average if I've got a sweater on which is NOT helpful for bread rising) which is usually done by turning on the broil for like 3 minutes then shutting it off and allowing the heat to disperse. I usually take this opportunity to feed my starter too, so a little tray with my fed starter, my levain, and a bowl of water to up the humidity go into the oven/proofer for around 4 hours. I'll occasionally replace the bowl of water with hot water to help maintain the temp in there.

now for the bread recipe. I took the base elements of this recipe from max miller:

400mL water

85g butter

35g sugar

600g bread flour (I'll often sub 25% or so with whole wheat)

10g salt

for obvious reasons, I have not included the yeast.

Instead of blooming powdered yeast in water, you'll want your levain to juuuuust begin falling in height when you pour it in with the water and sugar. I usually do this in my stand mixer bowl as it makes the latter stages easier. I let the yeast and bacteria snack on the sugar, so it goes back into the warmed oven for another 20 minutes or so.

Then in goes the flour(s), salt, and butter and it goes in the mixer with the dough hook on at low for 7-10 minutes, around when it gets smooth. This step is out of laziness, as when you don't do this step there's an autolyse step involved and I dont wanna bother lol. I cover it in cling film or a wet towel and it goes back into the warm.

Then I do a series of stretch and folds like any other sourdough. Max has the bulk rise at an hour and a half, so I do either 3 folds with with half hour intervals or 4 folds with twenty minute intervals.

In the meantime, butter up the pullman's pan. when the final folds are done, shape it according to the video (flatten 'er out and roll 'er up so she fits in the pan) let it do the final rise for about an hour with the lid on the pan.

Take everything out, heat up your oven to 350/175 and back for about a half hour. after that half hour, take the lid off the pullman's pan and let it go another 15-20 minutes at 375/190. Sometimes, at the very end, I'll do a little egg wash with the oven on broil for juuust a minute or so to develop the crust a little

et voila

loaf

(don't mind the gross streaks around it i was not very exact when brushing on the egg wash)

This sort of bread is meant to be used as pb&j bread so it should be fairly soft and, once cool, cut very easily and evenly

If you have any neat breadmaking tips please feel free to drop them in the replies I'd love to add them to my cache of bread nonsense

ive described my culinary diet like raccoons that live in a michelin starred restaurants' dumpster before but its just legit Like That.

Like for breakfast I ate baloney sandwiches with baloney and mayo I found on sale.... and bread that's a pullman's loaf recipe I modified to be both made from sourdough starter and half whole wheat that takes a full day to go from cold starter to piping fresh bread