#Imagine if he could join Kahl

[adylote]

Kahl's Mission of this week

BROOOOO THE WOLF OF SATURN SIX APPEARED AS A STAGE BOSS!!! (Sorf of it?)

Gosh, I was so excited. I missed him so much!!! But AAAAH HE WAS WEARING THE VEIL my poor wolfy :(

[greenygreenland]

The Floor Is Lava: (Platonic) 501st x Jedi Reader

-saw something about the floor is lava and imagined this in my head at like 3am

-note, you are a jedi padawan of shaak ti’s with your own squad (who are actually my ocs lol). They are called the Nebula Squad (the squad is actually from Wannabe, another one of my Star Wars fanfics)

-basically, you are someone who acts alone (without your master) and goes on special ops missions. you team up with anakin a lot

-CAN BE READ WITHOUT HAVING TO READ WANNABE

Summary: The floor is lava.

Spring came early. Too early. Maybe it was the fact that this planet had short winters, or the fact that you just weren't used to the warm breezes and scorching heat. After being stationed on Hoth for a good two weeks, you adjusted to the climate. With that came the curse of low heat tolerance.

"I'm going to die." you grumbled.

Your mission was in the more civilised (that was how one of your boys put it) regions of the planet. For some strange reason only the Force knew, your ship broke down in the worst place: a deserted village. Why was this the worst place? Because there was no way you could repair a broken ship without spare parts.

And where were spare parts located? In the city you were supposed to land in. Great, just great.

“(Y/n), can’t we contact General Skywalker for assistance?” inquired Nova. “We are supposed to RV with them anyway.”

Nova was your friend and assigned clone Commander. He, like you, had a knack for getting into sticky situations. Usually he was the one with the plan B, not you. “I can ask Grav and Nimbus if they can get a signal out over there.” He pointed to the mountain on your right. It was tall with a jagged top, where thick forests of luscious greenery sprouted out all over.

Yeah, good luck getting through that.

“You mean to tell me there’s no signal here?” you inquired. “Just how remote is this place?” Even with that bucket over Nova’s face, you knew he was frowning and holding back a long sigh. “Intel said--”

“Intel’s always wrong.” cut in a voice. You peered over Nova’s broad shoulders and met gazes with another member of your squad, Icee. He was just as tall as Nova, sporting the Squad’s signature purple stripes and it’s logo--a nebula. Over his shoulder, he held tight to a sniper rifle. The thing was a beauty, as well as his baby.

“The three things you can never trust are the weather forecast, the canteen menu, and intel. Plain and simple, vode.” Icee added. You shook your head, swatting a few mosquitoes away with a wave of your hand. “If that big ‘ol mountain is the only place we can get a signal from, then I say we go. All of us.”

Nova nodded in agreement. He shouldered his pack, adjusted a few straps on his kama and weapons, and motioned for the rest of the squad to move out. “Is there anything we should know about the wildlife here?” he inquired. “My HUD’s picking up the usual birds and rascals. I’d rather not risk it though. Remember Felucia?”

A shiver ran down your spine at the mention of that jungle-hell. Everywhere you walked lay a deadly plant in need of its next meal. They snuck up on you too, striking out of nowhere like the silence of night. Your number one rule there was not to touch anything.

“There are a few carnivorous plants south of here,” answered Nimbus. “Besides that, all we have to worry about are the birds.” You admired the way he was able to brief everyone so quickly. The only other clone you’ve met with such a well of info was Tech, a member of Clone Force 99.

“What do the birds look like?” you inquired. Nimbus scrunched up his face under that bucket of his. “I don’t think you wanna know.” Grav squinted at the screen and pushed his brother’s head with the back of his hand. It wasn’t enough to hurt him, but you sensed a lingering annoyance in the air after. 

“What, you scared of some little bird Nimbus?“ he teased. Nimbus wordlessly flipped over his datapad for everyone to see. The screen displayed a large bird-like creature with long fangs covered in drool. Its eyes were beady and bloodthirsty, as if it wanted you to be its next meal.

Nimbus scanned over the heading. “This is a...uh...Kah-rah...Kahl-ram-dah-lahm-dahl...?”

“Kara’dalamb’da.” corrected Storm. He pulled off his helmet, the low ponytail of his fanning out in the warm breezes. “I’ve read about them once. They’re not the type of creatures I’d want to run into. They drag you to their caves, pull you apart limb, and then chew you alive. The worst part is that they don’t eat you.”

Nimbus knitted his brows together. “So we’re like chewing gum to them?”

“Exactly.” Storm affirmed. “They come out at night time, then stay around till dawn before hiding in their caves.” Icee blanched and you couldn’t blame him. You were all heading towards the mountains, where plenty of caves and labyrinths lay. There were probably tons of those Kara-whatevers waiting for their dinner.

You folded your hands together with a tight frown. “Is there another way of getting a signal to Anakin?” George shook his head sadly. You sensed an overwhelming amount of resignation rolling off his shoulders. “No. Even if I tried use long-range comms, it wouldn’t work. There’s too much interfering with the signal.”

There was a chance you could telepathically contact Anakin. He’d answer in an instant and personally come to find you. But that would drain your energy. Your boys needed you more than you needed to contact Ani. If you became dead-weight then it would compromise the mission.

“Alright,” you decided. “We have twelve hours to scale that mountain and hurry our shebs to the ship. If we don’t make it back in time, consider ourselves toast.”

You wished you’d consider yourself toast from the start. If that were the case, then you wouldn’t be running for your life. The mission up was a success. You managed to reach the highest point on the mountain in less than eight hours by ways of a local trail (Nimbus noted that this was a popular tourist spot in autumn). Then you contacted Rex, who promised to RV at the foot of the mountain.

The way down was a different story.

It was dusk when you made your descend. The moon rose into the sky while the sun shied away, and if it weren’t for the boys and their helmet lamps, you wouldn’t have been able to see a thing. At first, the walk back was completely fine. The boys were in good spirits and you weren’t hungry for (favourite food).

But then it didn’t go well.

It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t see the giant jaws of death looming over you, or Nimbus, who started arguing with Grav. Again. It also wasn’t you fault that George so happened to trip over a rock and slam into Sapnap, who tried breaking his fall by grabbing onto Halo’s arm. The three went down together, and with the heavy clanking of katarn-class armour, you were sure the whole animal kingdom heard the show.

And that was how the Nebula Squad found themselves in this mess, fleeing from the horrifying Kara’dalamb’da.

“This is your fault Grav!” cried Nimbus. They bumped heads and it took all your willpower not to join the screaming match. “Shut up,” replied Grav. “You were the one who started it!” Nimbus gritted his teeth. “You who else started this?” he seethed. “Them!” He pointed over his shoulder at Halo, George, and Sapnap. They were the ones who had fallen, after all. Why else did the beast wake up?

��It wasn’t my fault!” cried George. Sapnap scoffed and it was lost to the screech of the oversized bird above. “No one said it was your fault anyway! You just have a guilty conscious!”

You eyed the bird with a sharp scowl. It flew higher, into the haunting light of the moon and across the stars. It gave a great screech again. You covered your ears as a shiver ran down your spine. “Is there any place we can hide from that thing? I’m pretty sure it can smell us from klicks away!”

“That’s correct Commander!” Nimbus congratulated. By the light aura around his shoulders, you guessed him and Grav already made up. They always had petty arguments anyway. “The Kara’dalamb’da has an incredible sense of smell and a wingspan of about ten meters! That’s pretty cool.”

Storm stared at his brother in bewilderment. “How is that cool?” he demanded. “You want to be chop suey for that thing? Be my guest.” Halo laughed a little. You knew he was doing it to shake off his nerves. “Why’d you have to go on and say that? Now I’m going to start singing.”

You scanned the forest. For miles, it seemed to be only forest, wildlife, and bare nature. A flicker of...something cut through your senses. Calculating, at the ready, and deadly. You paused in your step, Storm mimicking you. He met your gaze. “You sense it too?”

“Maybe it’s them.”

You heard them before you saw them.

“Blast that bird out of the sky!”

A squad of 501st troops rustled through the trees. They were silent as the night, save for one trooper who decided to whisper-shout a ‘hi’ to your squad. Their formation, lame as it was, worked in their favour. They raised their blaster, lighting up the sky with bright bolts of blue.

“Can we get a rocket launcher over here?”

“Yes, sir!”

The bird dropped out of the sky with a cry, razor-sharp teeth bared and claws at the ready. It was coming closer, diving faster. You pulled out your lightsaber and thumbed it on.

I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.

You heaved in a deep breath and leapt into the moonlight. Your robes fluttered in the wind, and your hair whipped in arc of (hair colour). It was like you had wings. Time slowed and you raised your lightsaber. It came down in a neat slash across the beast’s neck.

You tumbled through the air and met the ground in a roll. The beast fell behind with a loud THUMP!. You turned off your glowing blade and stashed it away on your belt. The adrenaline keeping your nerves hidden away was slowing, and the realisation that you just murdered a beast settled into your mind.

Part of you wished things could have been different. But what choice did you have?

“Commander!” called Nova, stopping by your side. “Are you okay?” You smiled and he heaved out a sigh of relief. “That was some jump, but now look.” He pointed to your dirt-covered robes. It wasn’t a big deal, but to someone like Nova, it was an issue.

“Here.” Nova helped you dust off the robe with a few pats. “That’s better.”

“Oh, it didn’t look bad.” you stated. He folded his arms across his chest. “That’s what you always say (Y/n).” You grinned and bumped shoulders with him. He replied by playfully shaking his head with a sigh.

A familiar boy made his way towards you. Even through the moonlight struggling through the thick canopies, you saw the chipped blue paint. “Rex,” you greeted. “Thanks for the assistance. Although, I wish you toned it down a bit. You made my squad look like a bunch of young fools.” A loud ‘hey’ sounded from your boys, but you elected to ignore it with a grin.

“Your squad did a phenomenal job in staying alive that long.” Rex said with a chuckle. “And besides, you stole the show in the end. The boys had fun watching your display.” You three shared a warm laugh that reminded you of the sun.

Speaking of sun, was it just you or did it get brighter outside? You looked up to gaze at the moon. It still stood high in the sky, just as before. The stars were out too, bright and clear as ever. So why had the temperature risen so quickly? It was at least another eight hours till dawn. That was more than enough time for the moon to stay out.

A scattered cluster of birds flew from out of the trees. Was it just you or was the forest getting really silent? Owls refused to hoot, those kara-whatevers weren’t screeching from their caves, and crickets stopped chirping their calming songs.

“WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!”

“I TOLD YOU IT WAS HERE!”

“I THOUGHT IT WAS IN THE SOUTH!”

You spun around so fast that you could have gotten whiplash. Sapnap, George, and Halo sprinted from out of the thick trees with their helmet lights on the highest setting. You squinted behind them. Something had to be chasing them, otherwise they wouldn’t be sprinting like track stars.

But you didn’t see any deadly animals, nor did you sense them. All that was left was an...

...an eerie silence.

You thought back to the briefing. Back to the meeting you nearly fell asleep in. If it weren’t for Icee kicking your feet every now and then, then you would have passed out completely.

“On this outer rim planet, I suggest you be careful,” Obi-wan had said. “The locals reported the activity of volcanoes erupting unexpectedly. They believe it has to do with an angry spirit plaguing their land, but we’ve found out the Separatists have a hand behind this.”

“Do you know where these volcanoes are, General Kenobi?” inquired Grav. He shook his head. “No, but I’m sure you won’t have to know. The city under siege is our main objective. You will rendezvous with Anakin there.”

Sapnap, George, and Halo motioned for everyone to move. There was a flicker of movement behind them. Fives emerged from the bushes in a frantic sort of panic. “LAVA!” he cried. “THE FLOOR IS LITERALLY LAVA!”

That was all it took for everyone to run. As uncoordinated as the retreat was, having lava behind you wasn’t exactly something anyone could stay calm about. The glowing magma was faster than it was supposed to be, and you had a feeling it was because it had a nice flow coming out of the planet’s core.

“Talk about an intense game of ‘the floor is lava’!” Hardcase shouted with a laugh. Jesse ‘pffted’. “I thought being chased by lava would be worse! This isn’t nearly as bad as last mission!”

Last mission? Oh, what was Ani doing to these poor souls? Your shoulders slumped in defeat. They were so nonchalant. How? Burning to death in lava was said to be the most painful death, and you’d rather not be Gollum in his last moments on Mount Doom.

“Why don’t you turn that frown upside down?” inquired Fives. You hadn’t even realised he’d caught up with you. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s just a bit of lava!”

You threw a hand over your shoulder and pointed to the glowing, hot mass. It burned through everything it touched. A fire was beginning to catch too, and all the smoke and ash from it wasn’t doing you any good. “Just a bit of lava? Well how would you feel running into that?”

“I don’t know!” he retorted. “Never tried it!”

“If you did, then you’d be dead!” Kix shouted. You face-palmed. “That’s a bit of a no-brainer!” Fives pulled off his helmet. The grin smacked upon his lips didn’t leave. “Who’s up for a round of ‘the floor is lava’?”

“Me!” said Jesse.

“And me!” added Hardcase.

“You guys need to cool it.” Kix said. “But don’t leave me out, I want to play too.”

You let out a long sigh. The 501st may have saved your skin today, but tomorrow? They’d probably get you killed.

TIP JAR <--- (if you’re feeling nice)

[valmerappreciationhours]

Ain’t No Lie (Baby I’m Bi Bi Bi)

Clenny Week Day 1--Fake Dating

Clyde's fake-dating plan needs a boy for it to work. Kenny McCormick seems like the best option. There's no way this could go off course.

(or read on Ao3 here)

how down wud u b 4 pretendng 2 dte me

               Clyde gave the almighty message a nod and folded the ripped notebook paper into a sloppy airplane. He aimed when the teacher’s back was turned, sending the paper careening across the room. Clyde caught Craig’s eye and flashed a toothy grin alongside a big thumbs up. Success! Craig leaned over the gap between their desks and whispered, “You remembered to sign it, right?”

               Best friends as they may be, Craig had always been one to bring down the mood.

               The comment had the desired effect of Clyde straining across his desk to try and see the location of his airplane on the other end of the room, knocking off a flurry of papers in the process. Vaguely, Clyde could hear Craig and Token’s simultaneous sighs, Tweek’s startled yelp, and Jimmy’s chuckling. None of that was what he was looking for, though. That was being picked up off the floor by bandaged fingers in frayed gloves.

               The airplane was examined just long enough to read the name scrawled out in pencil before being unfolded. The reader gave no visible reaction before tucking the sheet inside a beat-up parka and critically glancing around the class. Tired eyes raked over the crowd of faces and-

               Kenny saw Clyde.

               They made eye contact. The teacher droned on. Kenny rose an eyebrow; Clyde nodded as the answer to the unspoken question, grinning just a little sheepishly. Kenny pulled the crumpled paper back out and reread it, then grabbed the nearest pen (which happened to be on Kyle’s desk) and made a few marks. The paper was sent back by airplane, and Clyde tore the paper with the speed in which it was unfolded.

               Y

               Clyde blinked down at the paper. He tapped his pencil to his chin, thinking what to add. What could he say here that would wow the fabled Kenny McCormick? He passed the sheet over to Craig to see as well, whispering, “what would you say are some of my best qualities?”

               Craig glanced back up with a deadpan expression. “He’s asking why you want to pretend date.”

               One could practically see the lightbulb flick on above Clyde’s head. “Oh! That’s way easier to answer!” Before he could turn back to the paper with newfound spark, it was whisked off the desk. Clyde looked up to see the teacher looming with the note, a dark shadow of doom cast over the desk.

               “I must kindly ask you not to pass notes in my class, Mr. Donovan. Last warning.” The paper was promptly tossed out and the lesson returned to, leaving a very distressed jock and a poor kid with a little more interest than he walked into class with.

--

 When the bell rang and students hastily pushed their way out, Clyde was a man with a mission. He and Craig shared a nod and went separate directions, one with the goal to distract an inquisitive friend group, and the other to find a blob of orange in the dense crowd. Clyde fought his way through, sights trained on the orange coat he’d spotted. Almost there—

               “Hi, Clyde.”

               Clyde stared at the boy. That couldn’t be right. “Wait, Kyle, since when do you wear orange?”

               Kyle gave back a funny look. “Since always?”

               “Cut him some slack, Kahl.” One of Eric Cartman’s more prominent skills was surely butting into conversations uninvited. “He’s been playing sports with Stan; you can’t expect him to stay smart.” Cartman cleared his throat and dramatically turned, ignoring Stan’s protest. “What. Do. You. Neeeed?” He blatantly overenunciated, and was happy to do so loudly.

Clyde’s cheeks reddened, but he pressed forward. “Isn’t Kenny usually with you guys?” Cartman was quick to make a wisecrack about Clyde and Kenny, and Stan answered while his friends argued.

“Dude, he’s just in the bathroom. He can’t afford a vape so we know it won’t be too long.”

Not too long, huh. Clyde adjusted his varsity jacket, leaning against the wall in a futile attempt to look cool and chill next to Stan’s infamous gang. The sacrifice would be worth it if he could just get Kenny’s response.

True to Stan’s word, Kenny stepped out after a moment, wiping his hands on dirty, ripped pants. When he looked up and saw Clyde intermingled with his group, his body language lit up. Smooth as anything, he sidestepped his usual crowd and held out a hand to Clyde, who was simply a little confused, but had the spirit and took the hand. Kenny confidently stepped off with Clyde in tow, flashing back a finger-gun and a wink, leaving Stan, Kyle, and Cartman in varying states of shock.

“I totally knew they were gay, you guys! I totally said it!”

The resulting shouts reverberated around the hall, but they were easy enough to tune out. Besides, it just meant the plan was already kicking into gear.

As for the pair, Kenny had yet to put his gloves back on, and Clyde could feel the ridges of every bandage on his hand. The skin was cool to the touch, but surprisingly gentle. If pressed, Clyde would claim that any embarrassment he felt in that moment was simply because Kenny grabbing his hand was out of the blue. Still, he was quick to snap back to the cool-guy demeanor he so desperately wanted to achieve.

“So. Class.” Maybe not as cool as he might’ve been in his imagination.

“Mhm,” Kenny hummed behind his coat. “I was actually thinking we should skip.”

Clyde grinned. “Cool.” His math homework lay unfinished in his folder, so a little postponement would be beneficial on all fronts here. He’d take Kenny over algebra any day. Clyde swung their joined hands aimlessly between them, smile still dancing on his features. “Where were you thinking of going?”

Kenny looked over, eyes twinkling. “Well I don’t take cute boys to the Goth hangout.”

Led by Kenny, the two dashed out a forgotten exit at the end of an abandoned hall. From there, it was a short walk through overgrown weeds and unshoveled snow to a weary-looking shed. Clyde eyed the building warily; the hinges creaked when Kenny pried open the door, and the thing seemed to sway with the wind. Besides, the whole structure was grimy and rotten. Clearly forgotten, it was the perfect place for sneaking away to, at least.

Inside, Kenny had already plopped onto the floor. He waited for Clyde to join in the dirt before starting the conversation with about as much taste as one could expect from the most troublesome gang in school. “Trying to impress the Asian girls or what?”

“Huh?”

Kenny leaned back, casual. “Creek was a big hit; my first guess is that you wanted a piece of that attention. Guy and guy, people eat it up.”

“Well—actually, I hadn’t thought about that…but no! No one believes I’m bi.” Clyde paused, waiting for a reaction—there was always a reaction—but his companion was living up to his reputation of being the quiet type. “Token thinks it’s the jacket, but Jimmy thought it was a joke when I told him I like dudes!” It had been upsetting at the time, but remembering his friend laughing and snorting chocolate milk out of his nose helped. “I thought, if I showed people I could date guys, then they would be lining up after we stage a break-up!” It was a fool-proof plan, if he did say so himself.

Kenny nodded. “Solid. So what brought you to Kenneth McCormick?”

“Aside from being one of the only out guys in school, come on! You’re Kenny McCormick!” Clyde gestured to his friend, voice loud and excited. “Everyone knows you’re basically a relationship god! Besides, it won’t be as much of a big deal, because, uh…” Clyde’s spark fizzled out awkwardly, one hand rubbing his neck.

Kenny’s expression remained unchanged. “Because I get around.”

“Which is like, so cool.” Clyde said quietly, afraid of disturbing the tense atmosphere. The awe, however, was genuine to its core.

Kenny’s right eye crinkled ever so slightly. “Yeah. ‘Cept the dying from syphilis.”

The cold air that filled the shed didn’t seem to matter at all in that moment, nor the dilapidated and disgusting wood they were sat on. What did matter was that the atmosphere between them was warm, just two bros hanging out and skipping class. Clyde watched the small puffs of warm air drift up out of Kenny’s parka and watched the way those blue eyes shone with mischief. This was gonna be such a great idea.

 --

 “Hey, babe!”

               Token, Tweek, and Jimmy watched with wide eyes as Clyde hailed Kenny over to their lunch table, draping an arm around him. Clyde’s round face was lit up with a grin.

               “The m-m-madman actually did it.” Jimmy’s mouth hung open, braces glinting in the light.

               “Oh my god.” Token’s salad lay forgotten in the wake of this much more important news.

               “Gah!” Tweek grabbed onto his boyfriend’s sleeve. “Did you know about this? Has this always been happening? Kenny?”

               Craig continued to poke at his mashed potatoes. His voice maintained its flat nature, but those who knew him well could notice the small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Clyde’s my best friend; I knew. They’re kind of perfect for each other.”

               Kenny continued to hover at Clyde’s side, the two of them deep in conversation. Kenny was laughing, Clyde looking insanely proud of himself. It was Token who recovered from the sheer shock first.

               “Uh, why don’t you sit down, Kenny?”

               A pleased noise made its way out of the thick orange parka, and Kenny slid onto the bench next to Clyde. His arms were noticeably empty, but he used that as an opportunity to sling one around Clyde’s shoulders.

               Tweek stared, eyes as large as saucers. “How long?”

               “A whole week,” Clyde proudly announced, spraying half-chewed food across the table.

               “I g-gotta hand it to—to you, Clyde. I didn’t think you could get a b—bo—a bo--, I didn’t think you could s-snag a man.” Jimmy leaned on the table, soaking up the news.

               “Yeah, man,” Token smiled, ever the diplomat, “Congratulations!”

               Tweek tapped his fingers anxiously on his thermos, continuing to stare directly at the new duo. Jimmy leaned farther across the table, stage-whispering to Clyde, “h-how much did you p-p-pay for that one?”

               Kenny leaned onto the table, matching the other, calm. “You couldn’t afford me.”

               That sent the table into a fit of laughs, save for Tweek, who only produced a weak chuckle and narrowed his eyes at Kenny. When the object of scrutiny looked over, Tweek mouthed a small “I don’t trust you,” and twitched. If a member of Stan’s gang thought he could just waltz into their clique and manipulate Clyde’s heart, he was sorely mistaken. Tweek would be cautious. He’d protect his friends.

               Tweek was startled out of his thoughts, yelping when he felt a sudden hand on his arm, but looked over into the concerned face of his boyfriend. “Are you okay?”

               “It’s Kenny,” Tweek whispered, agonized.

               “Clyde’s happy,” Craig responded casually.

               Tweek nervously glanced back to the intruder. Clyde was leaning on Kenny, waving his hands as he told a story. Kenny watched with passive interest, blue eyes alight. The two looked so comfortable next to each other, bright and content. Tweek twitched. “Clyde’s happy,” he had to admit. “But if Kenny turns out to be an evil monster from another dimension, it’s—gah! —it’s not my fault when all our souls get stolen!”

               Across the table, Kenny snorted.

 --

 “Do you want Doritos or barbeque chips?” Clyde called out from his perch on the kitchen counter. His arms were already laden with food, but chips were mandatory to complete the hangout.

               “Barbeque!” Kenny yelled back from the other room. Clyde added the red bag to his collection and climbed down to head back. He rounded the corner into the living room and dumped his snack spoils into a heap on the ground. Kenny’s blue eyes were wide as he took in the size of the pile.

               “Just grab whatever, I don’t know what you like.” Clyde plopped himself down on the carpet and extracted a soda. It hissed as he cracked it open and took a sip. Kenny scooted over, abandoning his notebook, hand hovering over the snacks. He finally grabbed a packaged cupcake and eagerly tore in.

The weather may have been getting colder, but the inside of the Donovan household was plenty warm. Clyde had ditched his varsity jacket for a t-shirt and some old sweats, while Kenny still donned his heavy parka. It was making Clyde sweat just looking at the faux fur trim and heavy fabric. “You wanna lose the coat, dude? My dad’s got lots of heaters.”

Kenny looked up from his food and shook his head. “Nah,” and his eyes crinkled, “you couldn’t handle all the looks I’m packing.”

“Maybe I should get a parka then,” Clyde mused. “It would help from having to fend the ladies off with a stick. This beauty is a curse.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow at the last comment, but didn’t say anything. Clyde was getting used to that; after hanging out with his group who always had something to say, the silence was a bizarre shift. He supposed it balanced out the constant screaming and arguing by the people Kenny hung out with.

Kenny happily moved to grab the bag of chips, and Clyde slid him a soda and juice as well. Kenny opted for the juice box, maneuvering the straw through the zipper of his mouth guard. Clyde stared down the fabric, curiosity ebbing at his thoughts. Maybe Kenny was right; maybe he was unspeakably attractive behind that coat. Kenny caught his eye, and Clyde quickly glanced away.

The snack pile slowly wore down, no match for their combined appetites. Clyde led the conversation between mouthfuls of food, from video games to the latest drama to why Red Racer was actually cool and not a nerd show, and no, Craig did not have him brainwashed. Clyde was happy to blabber on, and the jokes Kenny intercepted with were of the utmost quality. Indeed, Kenneth, that is what she said.

Clyde swallowed his chewed cheese snacks, and made the spur of the moment decision to drag Kenny into the current topic. “How would you rate the guys in our class?”

Kenny wiped his mouth. “Stoley’s a zero. Don’t like that he has the same name as my brother.”

“You have a brother?” The little Karen McCormick he knew about, but another sibling was a surprise. “How come I haven’t seen him?”

Kenny shrugged, leaning back on his hands. “He dropped out. Kev’s working at a car garage now.”

The pieces fit together in Clyde’s head. “Oh! Because your family’s poor!” He felt proud of his innocent realization, but that soon dwindled. Kenny’s tired eyes stared him down, and Clyde was suddenly struck with the sheer number of wrappers that surrounded his friend on the floor. “But cars are cool!” he tried. “I can’t wait to drive!” The wind in his hair, a shiny new vehicle, impressing everyone around; it was a dream.

“I’ve already driven,” Kenny proclaimed, happy to share his accomplishment. “And I didn’t even die once.” Of course, Stan’s gang would’ve gotten into that. Nothing stood between those guys and doing whatever they wanted.

“I hope you didn’t die,” Clyde shot back, smile tugging at his lips as he climbed up onto the couch. He grabbed the remote from where it was wedged between two cushions.

“You’d be surprised.” Kenny laid back on the carpet, arms crossed behind his head and eyes closed.

“It would suck so bad if you died, dude.” The noise of various channels filled the room as Clyde flipped through, but things were weirdly quiet in Kenny’s corner. When Clyde looked over, his companion had a strange look on his face.

“Yeah,” he finally responded, gaining humor in his voice, “you’d have to find some other sorry guy to fake date you.”

“Hey! You suck!”

“I didn’t know we were at that stage of our relationship,” Kenny taunted, waggling his eyebrows.

“Shut up, dude!” Block it out, Donovan, block it out. This is just some temporary stuff, chilling with a homie. Grabbing the attention of some cute guys in the school while casually respecting the cute guy in front of him platonically. Still a good plan. “Wanna pick a movie? My dad gets home in like three hours.”

Kenny gave an enthusiastic thumbs up and leaned against the couch as the film played. Clyde had to keep himself from inviting his friend up to the couch as well. Cuddling during movies is not a bro activity, he reminded himself. Kenny’s parka would be stifling pressed against his skin anyway.

 --

 “No, he’s dating Kenny McCormick.”

               “Yeah, he’s hella bi.”

               Clyde strolled through the halls, head held high, confidence levels way up. Being a topic of hallway conversation made his heart swell and put a little skip in his step. His eyes caught on a poster hanging on the wall, and it only made his grin spread.

               Art Club Wednesdays, the sheet announced. Beneath the colorful lettering was a drawing, bursting with oranges and reds. The shading was bold, and the fabric folds boasted a level of artistic expertise. The limbs may have looked a little wonky, but it got the point across.

               Clyde raised his phone to take a quick picture. He’d say they captured his roguish handsomeness pretty well.

 --

 “You guys are so cute!” Bebe had gushed in the back row of Home Ec. In the seat beside her, Kenny poked a needle and thread through his project, making a noise of agreement. “I think it’s good he’s found someone, I felt so bad for the guy after we broke up.” She pressed another pink sequin to her own swatch of fabric and set to stitching it on.

“I’d say he’s pretty satisfied right now.” Kenny winked at Bebe, who bumped him on the arm, careful not to disrupt their stitching.

“You’re a dog, McCormick.” Bebe’s eyeroll was betrayed by the smile playing at her painted lips.

“Maybe so.” Kenny shrugged, slipping the needle through again. “No complaints so far.”

“Hey,” Bebe prompted, “Has he fallen asleep on you yet?” Her eyes were bright, and the lift of her mouth just a tad mischievous.

Kenny raised an eyebrow and leaned closer. “Oh?”

Bebe adjusted her project on the table. “When we were dating, he would always be so affectionate. It’s like moving a cat.” When she finished her current loop stitch, she fished out her phone and unlocked it. “I think I still have pictures of him drooling everywhere. It’s always important to have blackmail material.”

Kenny bit the end of his thread off with his teeth, and began threading a new one. “But he’s real soft for cuddling,” he provided, “like a built-in pillow.”

“That was top-tier snuggling,” she admitted, sliding her phone over. “Check out these pictures.”

“Holy shit.” Now that was the good stuff. Equal parts adorable and terribly embarrassing. Bebe Stevens was truly an artist.

Caught up in the photos, Kenny’s hand and needle slipped, effectively intercepting his other arm at an angle that tore open a line of skin. The blood gushed out, and he hissed, covering as much of the wound as he could. His glove and fingers quickly stained red. Bebe yelped at the sight, but reacted fast, grabbing both of their projects out of the splash zone. “You’re a real one,” Kenny smiled at her, albeit weakly. He shot off a quick and earnest finger gun before falling out of his stool.

 --

 Bebe was right in the statement that Clyde was affectionate. He was always pressing his knee against Kenny’s at lunch, or swinging their hands together when they walked. Kenny had made an educated guess in saying that Clyde was like a pillow, and he was indubitably pleased to find that it was true.

               Kenny was finding a lot of things about Clyde pretty great, actually.

 --

 “—but Craig doesn’t like coffee at all so I wonder how he kisses Tweek so often, you know?” Clyde prattled on, breath forming puffs in the cool Colorado air. The layer of snow left on the sidewalk crunched as the duo strolled through, hands wound together.

               “Maybe the homo cancels out the coffee,” Kenny theorized, the idea doubly muffled by his hood and the whistling of the wind.

               Clyde tapped his chin. “That does make sense, but I was also thinking that Tweek probably kisses all quick since he gets nervous like that and Craig isn’t affectionate anyway—”

               “How would you kiss me?” Clyde looked over to the glittering blue eyes of his fake boyfriend. The wind was rough, and had blown out a few strands of blond hair from the confines of the parka. Despite the time they’d known each other, Clyde still had trouble distinguishing the other’s mischievous teasing and genuine intrigue. It probably had something to do with the small amount of uncovered skin or the already quiet nature. He doubted Stan or Kyle or Cartman could do any better.

               Clyde opted to answer with the guess that Kenny was messing around, which he thought was pretty likely. He stopped in his tracks, moving the hand that wasn’t holding Kenny’s to the latter’s hood. The crinkle that characterized a typical Kenny grin was quickly replaced with wide eyes. “Ken, dude, babe, I would kiss you into next week. People would talk about it for generations as the best kiss ever conceived. It would be legendary.”

               Kenny gingerly took Clyde’s hand from his hood, holding it in his own. “I think you’re mistaken,” he hummed. “I’m sure the school would agree that I would be the one kissing you into next week.”

               Clyde considered. “It would get a lot of attention…” That was the goal here, after all. If giving Kenny a smooch would help accomplish it, so be it. There were definitely worse people to kiss.

When it came to it, attention was certainly grabbed. Deemed the perfect time by the amount of student traffic between classes, Clyde and Kenny nodded like the genius agents they believed themselves to be. After exchanging quick conversation, they knew it was time to enact.

               “I’ll see you after class,” Kenny cooed.

               “See you later, babe,” Clyde concurred, and reached over to pull down the piece of the coat covering Kenny’s mouth.

               The worn fabric bunched, and Clyde was struck with the face of an angel. Pink and purple bandages hugged the curve of Kenny’s cheek and the point of his chin. Freckles exploded across his thin cheeks, darting across his nose, cut by various scar lines. Dried blood still presented itself on the corner of his lip, which had obviously been busted. Kenny was missing a tooth on the right side, prominent and unspeakably adorable when he grinned. Clyde could have stared forever, but was interrupted by Kenny leaning in and pressing their mouths together.

               And he thought just looking at Kenny was good!

               When the fireworks finished, Kenny’s coat was back up in half a second. Clyde had decided that damned parka would be his new greatest enemy. Sorry, Arby’s cashier on Maple Street, there’s new priorities. “You were right,” Kenny proclaimed with a teasing lilt, smile evident in his voice, “you were doing some serious kissing.”

               When Kenny turned tail and went to class, Clyde stared after. He continued to stand in the hallway after the bell rang, too focused on the phantom brush of heavy fabric on his face and the metallic taste of a bleeding lip in his mouth.

 --

 “When are you going to break up?”

               Clyde looked up from where he was struggling with his essay. “Break up with Kenny?”

               Craig spun around in his desk chair, so Clyde could clearly see him roll his eyes. “Unless you’re dating someone else. Yeah, Kenny.”

               Clyde blinked. “Why would I break up with Kenny?” This conversation was making about as much sense as his homework. Craig always seemed generally supportive, and Clyde thought his escapades with Kenny were going well.

               The two stared at each other for a few awkward moments before Craig finally gave in. “You’re fake dating. You thought it would be a great idea to use him to start raking in the boys.”

               “Oh yeah!” It was all clicking back into place now! “Oh god.” They weren’t actually dating. That forgotten fact came back around like a freight train.

               Craig gave him a long hard look. “How do you forget you’re fake dating someone?”

               Pink tinged Clyde’s cheeks. “It felt very real!” he defended.

               Craig set his pen down, lab report abandoned. “Well, do you think it’s real?” Clyde paused, and Craig continued, voice as even and monotone as ever. “You’ve talked more about Kenny in the past month than Red Racer. It got on my nerves but you looked sooo happy.”

               “He’s a really good kisser,” Clyde added fondly.

               Craig leaned back. “I would say just ignore emotions until they go away,” he sighed, “but Tweek would tell you to talk to him.”

               Clyde grinned cheekily at the mention. “You mean, all this time, Tweek was the master of relationships?”

Craig’s mouth twitched into what might barely count as a smile. “Yeah. He’s way better than you could ever be.”

Clyde fell back onto the carpet, clasping a hand over his chest. “The betrayal! From my own best friend! You are not getting invited to my wedding!”

The words fell on only half-interested ears, as Craig had turned back to his science papers. “Bold of you to believe I would show up anyway.”

“You wound me, Craigory.”

“Then perish.”

 --

 It was the perfect location, in Clyde’s opinion. The Taco Bell on the corner of Gibson Avenue was a shining pillar of all that was right and delicious in the world. The third table by the window had been there for so many special moments and endless menu combinations. There could be no better place.

Clyde figured if Kenny fake-real dumped him, he could just drown his sorrows in nachos and spicy chalupas. Taco Bell would understand.

The two slid into their usual seats, the familiar smell of seasoning and meat easing some of Clyde’s nerves. Truly the best place, and today had to be the day. If Tweek was utilizing relationship knowledge that could help Craig Tucker of all people, Clyde was smart enough to take it to heart. It was just a matter of bringing it up.

“So, how’s dating me going?”

Kenny looked up, bemused. “You’re the man of my dreams, Clyde Donovan. I’m swept off my feet.” He pulled some coins out of his coat and began counting them out on the table.

Clyde flushed. “I mean actually. I wanna talk about dating you.”

“Oh.” Kenny looked up, shifting a penny to a second pile. He looked disheartened, but Clyde just had to push through, and then he could cry into his tacos. No backing out now.

“I wanna date you for real.” The words tumbled out in a rush, destroying any façade of cool.

The seconds ticked by. This was it; the deciding moment. The answer that would determine the rest of their interactions for forever. The two stared at each other, brown eyes against blue.

The tense silence was broken by Kenny leaning far back in his seat, fists in the air, punctuated by a muffled “woo-hoo!” The clatter of the chair and boy hitting the hard floor reverberated through the restaurant. Other customers looked over, undoubtedly irritated by the disruption, but the employees, upon seeing the two familiar faces, didn’t bother to bat an eye.

Clyde leaned over the table, eyebrows bunched, concern cut across his face. He found Kenny sprawled, limbs caught in the topped chair, grinning like a madman. He made no move to get up from the greasy tile, but his eyes glittered. “I was hoping you would.”

A matching wild smile spread across Clyde’s face. “Wanna celebrate with tacos?” He stretched over to better look Kenny in the face.

Kenny got a hold on Clyde’s jacket, closing the space between them. He shrugged. “Can’t afford it. I’ll see what I can get off your face.”

Clyde quickly pulled his boyfriend to his feet, rushing toward the register. “Then what are we waiting for? Finally, my two favorite things combined into one!”

“Me and tacos?”

“You and tacos!”

 --

 A month had passed, and the two were lying on the Donovan’s carpet amidst cola stains and snack wrappers, when a question hit Clyde. A question he hadn’t considered before, but was important enough that he knew it wouldn’t go away until he asks. He looked up from his Animal Crossing town to gaze at his boyfriend.

               “Why did you agree to fake date in the first place, anyway?”

               Kenny grinned, and Clyde knew seeing that missing tooth and freckles would never get old. “I thought it would be fun.”

               The simple phrase made Clyde smile, and he knew he had Cheeto dust caked on his cheek, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. “You were right.”

               “You know what else would be fun?” Kenny set down his PS4, and Clyde could swear that the glow from the screen didn’t match any graphics he knew of, but there were more important things at the moment.

               “Making out?”

               Yeah, he was always gonna love seeing that smile.

[joshuamagno]

Any advice for a sales person in this economy?

This is Sales Question and Answer #50 from guest poster Dave Kahle, author and leading sales educator. Q.  Any advice for a sales person in this economy?  It seems like almost every customer is saying that they are cutting back and delaying spending.  How can I get them to loosen the purse strings and buy?

A.  Great question.  I’m sure this change in the economy and your customer’s reactions to it are very frustrating.  I have several ideas.

First, step out of your day-to-day world and take a big picture, 10,000 feet high view.  Let’s not think about your customers, for a minute.  Let’s think about your territory.

How much market share do you have in your territory?

Here’s a way to calculate that with some degree of accuracy.  Identify all the customers and potential customers (prospects) in your territory.  Then ask, “If they bought everything they could from me, over the next 12 months, how much would it be?”  The answer will be a dollar figure.

You can just estimate the answer, but you’ll find it more effective if you base that estimate on some quantifiable measurement.  Find something that is measurable about them, like the number of employees, or the square foot of display space, etc.  This kind of information is easily purchased.  Then create a formula.

For example, you may be selling industrial supplies to manufacturers.  How much, per employee, does a typical manufacturer spend on your category of product?  Once you develop that formula, it’s a simple matter of multiplying that times the number of employees in each account.  The result of this little calculation will be the answer to the question above.

Regardless of how you come to the number, you need to develop a measurement of approximately how much business there is in your category of product in your territory.

Now, how much business are you currently doing this year?  In other words, what is the total dollar volume of sales in your territory?

Compare the two answers and express that as a percentage.  For example, if there is $10 million dollars of potential in your territory, and you are doing $2 million, you have a 20 percent share.

That’s the measurement of your share of the market.  Most business-to-business sellers are going to be under 25 percent.  In other words, you probably have potential that is four or five times the amount you are currently doing.

Now, look at what you have there.  Unless you have 85 – 90 percent market share, there is huge potential in your territory.

Start by focusing on that potential.  Instead of reacting to, and being influenced by, the dreary conversations of your customers, plan to go after that huge potential in your territory.

This little exercise has the power to transform your attitude, replacing negative reaction with positive proactive action.

There is a principle at work here.  The act of changing your mindset and focusing on something positive has a way of changing your results.  You begin to see opportunities that you previously overlooked.  Your more positive attitude oozes out of you, and subtly influences the people around you.

You become more like the stone thrown into the pond that creates the ripples on the surface of the water, whereas before you were more like the bubbles on the top of the wave, blowing this way and that way, totally dependent on some other force to determine your way.

Let’s do one more attitude change.  Instead of thinking that fear and anxiety are negative, think of them as positive forces for change.

Let me explain.  In order to grow your business and gain market share, you are going to have to take the business away from one of your competitors.  There has never been a better time to do so than now.  This recession/ depression offers what may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to build your business. Here’s why.

You are going to ask people to change their behavior.  Change never comes easily.  It is best accomplished when someone has a powerful emotional reason to change.  The fear and anxiety in the marketplace are powerful emotions.  It is easier to get people to change today than it was a year ago.  If you can channel those emotions and present your solution in a way that gives people confidence that makes their fear subside, in some small way, you’ll find your customers willing to make significant changes. Radical changes that were unthinkable in a less anxious time, are today accepted with minimal push back.

On a much smaller scale, the same principle applies to your customers and prospects.  If you can show that you have a solution that, in some small way, makes them feel less fearful, you’ll find that they will be more amenable to change than at any other time in your career.

Rethink how you can present your product or service.  Instead of focusing on the features, think about how the decision to buy it from you can provide the customer some peace of mind, can make his fear subside in the category of products that you sell.  Present the decision to buy it from you as one which makes him feel better.

Here’s an example.  Let’s say that you sell industrial supplies to manufacturers.  You are used to reacting to the customer when he says that he needs this or that, pitching your product, dickering over price, and hopefully gaining an order.

Suppose you were to recast your whole approach.  Create a whole different presentation.  Consider what it would mean to a customer if they were to do all their business with you.  Your company could be responsible for keeping them updated on all the new products, your company could take over their inventory, your company could provide monthly reports, your company could work with your suppliers to reduce their costs.  You could become partners.

As a result, your customers could do more with fewer people, reducing their costs.  They would spend far less time, and therefore money, interviewing sales people.  They would be more efficient, and could focus their attention on their customers instead of worrying about your category of product.  That would be a radically different approach, a different way to do business that would give them some peace of mind and stability in a threatening and dangerous environment.

That’s what I’m talking about.

But wait, you say, not all of my customers would be open to that kind of approach.

You are right, of course.  But some will.  Your job is to identify, by thoughtful analysis, which of your customers and which of your prospects would be most open to that approach, and then to create a plan to present it to them.

We have a methodology for selecting those customers and prospects that would take too much space to describe here.  Go to Chapter Six of my book, 10 Secrets of Time Management for Salespeople to read about it, see #22 “Time Management: Making Hard-Headed Decisions About How to Invest Your Selling Time” for an audio training program, and consider “Prioritizing Your Customers to Dramatically Increase Your Sales” for a video training program.

Imagine what it would mean to you if you could just get a half dozen of your customers to commit to a radically different way of doing business with you, and buy everything from you!  In most cases, your sales would at least double, you’d have more fun, make more money, and have less stress.  That’s the potential that is in your hands.

Your choice is clear.  You can join the defeatists of the world and become a depressed victim of the recession.  Or, you can take your fate into your own hands, and proactively take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Go forth and sell well!

Join me in a webinar entitled “How to survive and thrive by selling smart in a difficult economy.”  In it, I’ll describe, in more detail, exactly how to take your fate into your hands and implement this strategy.  For information, call us at 800-331-1287.

About the author

Dave Kahle is one of the premier sales educators in the world.  He’s written eight books, spoken in 47 states and seven countries, trained tens of thousands of sales people and sales managers to be more effective, and publishes a free weekly Ezine.  To subscribe to his Ezine, check out his website at www.davekahle.com.

Source: http://www.commence.com/blog/2017/04/19/any-advice-for-sales-person-in-this-economy/

from Commence CRM https://commencecrm1.wordpress.com/2017/04/19/any-advice-for-a-sales-person-in-this-economy/

[denisewilliams]

Any advice for a sales person in this economy?

This is Sales Question and Answer #50 from guest poster Dave Kahle, author and leading sales educator. Q.  Any advice for a sales person in this economy?  It seems like almost every customer is saying that they are cutting back and delaying spending.  How can I get them to loosen the purse strings and buy?

A.  Great question.  I’m sure this change in the economy and your customer’s reactions to it are very frustrating.  I have several ideas.

First, step out of your day-to-day world and take a big picture, 10,000 feet high view.  Let’s not think about your customers, for a minute.  Let’s think about your territory.

How much market share do you have in your territory?

Here’s a way to calculate that with some degree of accuracy.  Identify all the customers and potential customers (prospects) in your territory.  Then ask, “If they bought everything they could from me, over the next 12 months, how much would it be?”  The answer will be a dollar figure.

You can just estimate the answer, but you’ll find it more effective if you base that estimate on some quantifiable measurement.  Find something that is measurable about them, like the number of employees, or the square foot of display space, etc.  This kind of information is easily purchased.  Then create a formula.

For example, you may be selling industrial supplies to manufacturers.  How much, per employee, does a typical manufacturer spend on your category of product?  Once you develop that formula, it’s a simple matter of multiplying that times the number of employees in each account.  The result of this little calculation will be the answer to the question above.

Regardless of how you come to the number, you need to develop a measurement of approximately how much business there is in your category of product in your territory.

Now, how much business are you currently doing this year?  In other words, what is the total dollar volume of sales in your territory?

Compare the two answers and express that as a percentage.  For example, if there is $10 million dollars of potential in your territory, and you are doing $2 million, you have a 20 percent share.

That’s the measurement of your share of the market.  Most business-to-business sellers are going to be under 25 percent.  In other words, you probably have potential that is four or five times the amount you are currently doing.

Now, look at what you have there.  Unless you have 85 – 90 percent market share, there is huge potential in your territory.

Start by focusing on that potential.  Instead of reacting to, and being influenced by, the dreary conversations of your customers, plan to go after that huge potential in your territory.

This little exercise has the power to transform your attitude, replacing negative reaction with positive proactive action.

There is a principle at work here.  The act of changing your mindset and focusing on something positive has a way of changing your results.  You begin to see opportunities that you previously overlooked.  Your more positive attitude oozes out of you, and subtly influences the people around you.

You become more like the stone thrown into the pond that creates the ripples on the surface of the water, whereas before you were more like the bubbles on the top of the wave, blowing this way and that way, totally dependent on some other force to determine your way.

Let’s do one more attitude change.  Instead of thinking that fear and anxiety are negative, think of them as positive forces for change.

Let me explain.  In order to grow your business and gain market share, you are going to have to take the business away from one of your competitors.  There has never been a better time to do so than now.  This recession/ depression offers what may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to build your business. Here’s why.

You are going to ask people to change their behavior.  Change never comes easily.  It is best accomplished when someone has a powerful emotional reason to change.  The fear and anxiety in the marketplace are powerful emotions.  It is easier to get people to change today than it was a year ago.  If you can channel those emotions and present your solution in a way that gives people confidence that makes their fear subside, in some small way, you’ll find your customers willing to make significant changes. Radical changes that were unthinkable in a less anxious time, are today accepted with minimal push back.

On a much smaller scale, the same principle applies to your customers and prospects.  If you can show that you have a solution that, in some small way, makes them feel less fearful, you’ll find that they will be more amenable to change than at any other time in your career.

Rethink how you can present your product or service.  Instead of focusing on the features, think about how the decision to buy it from you can provide the customer some peace of mind, can make his fear subside in the category of products that you sell.  Present the decision to buy it from you as one which makes him feel better.

Here’s an example.  Let’s say that you sell industrial supplies to manufacturers.  You are used to reacting to the customer when he says that he needs this or that, pitching your product, dickering over price, and hopefully gaining an order.

Suppose you were to recast your whole approach.  Create a whole different presentation.  Consider what it would mean to a customer if they were to do all their business with you.  Your company could be responsible for keeping them updated on all the new products, your company could take over their inventory, your company could provide monthly reports, your company could work with your suppliers to reduce their costs.  You could become partners.

As a result, your customers could do more with fewer people, reducing their costs.  They would spend far less time, and therefore money, interviewing sales people.  They would be more efficient, and could focus their attention on their customers instead of worrying about your category of product.  That would be a radically different approach, a different way to do business that would give them some peace of mind and stability in a threatening and dangerous environment.

That’s what I’m talking about.

But wait, you say, not all of my customers would be open to that kind of approach.

You are right, of course.  But some will.  Your job is to identify, by thoughtful analysis, which of your customers and which of your prospects would be most open to that approach, and then to create a plan to present it to them.

We have a methodology for selecting those customers and prospects that would take too much space to describe here.  Go to Chapter Six of my book, 10 Secrets of Time Management for Salespeople to read about it, see #22 “Time Management: Making Hard-Headed Decisions About How to Invest Your Selling Time” for an audio training program, and consider “Prioritizing Your Customers to Dramatically Increase Your Sales” for a video training program.

Imagine what it would mean to you if you could just get a half dozen of your customers to commit to a radically different way of doing business with you, and buy everything from you!  In most cases, your sales would at least double, you’d have more fun, make more money, and have less stress.  That’s the potential that is in your hands.

Your choice is clear.  You can join the defeatists of the world and become a depressed victim of the recession.  Or, you can take your fate into your own hands, and proactively take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Go forth and sell well!

Join me in a webinar entitled “How to survive and thrive by selling smart in a difficult economy.”  In it, I’ll describe, in more detail, exactly how to take your fate into your hands and implement this strategy.  For information, call us at 800-331-1287.

About the author

Dave Kahle is one of the premier sales educators in the world.  He’s written eight books, spoken in 47 states and seven countries, trained tens of thousands of sales people and sales managers to be more effective, and publishes a free weekly Ezine.  To subscribe to his Ezine, check out his website at www.davekahle.com.

from Commence CRM http://www.commence.com/blog/2017/04/19/any-advice-for-sales-person-in-this-economy/ from Commence CRM https://commencecrm1.tumblr.com/post/159759120324

[commencecrm1]

Any advice for a sales person in this economy?

This is Sales Question and Answer #50 from guest poster Dave Kahle, author and leading sales educator. Q.  Any advice for a sales person in this economy?  It seems like almost every customer is saying that they are cutting back and delaying spending.  How can I get them to loosen the purse strings and buy?

A.  Great question.  I’m sure this change in the economy and your customer’s reactions to it are very frustrating.  I have several ideas.

First, step out of your day-to-day world and take a big picture, 10,000 feet high view.  Let’s not think about your customers, for a minute.  Let’s think about your territory.

How much market share do you have in your territory?

Here’s a way to calculate that with some degree of accuracy.  Identify all the customers and potential customers (prospects) in your territory.  Then ask, “If they bought everything they could from me, over the next 12 months, how much would it be?”  The answer will be a dollar figure.

You can just estimate the answer, but you’ll find it more effective if you base that estimate on some quantifiable measurement.  Find something that is measurable about them, like the number of employees, or the square foot of display space, etc.  This kind of information is easily purchased.  Then create a formula.

For example, you may be selling industrial supplies to manufacturers.  How much, per employee, does a typical manufacturer spend on your category of product?  Once you develop that formula, it’s a simple matter of multiplying that times the number of employees in each account.  The result of this little calculation will be the answer to the question above.

Regardless of how you come to the number, you need to develop a measurement of approximately how much business there is in your category of product in your territory.

Now, how much business are you currently doing this year?  In other words, what is the total dollar volume of sales in your territory?

Compare the two answers and express that as a percentage.  For example, if there is $10 million dollars of potential in your territory, and you are doing $2 million, you have a 20 percent share.

That’s the measurement of your share of the market.  Most business-to-business sellers are going to be under 25 percent.  In other words, you probably have potential that is four or five times the amount you are currently doing.

Now, look at what you have there.  Unless you have 85 – 90 percent market share, there is huge potential in your territory.

Start by focusing on that potential.  Instead of reacting to, and being influenced by, the dreary conversations of your customers, plan to go after that huge potential in your territory.

This little exercise has the power to transform your attitude, replacing negative reaction with positive proactive action.

There is a principle at work here.  The act of changing your mindset and focusing on something positive has a way of changing your results.  You begin to see opportunities that you previously overlooked.  Your more positive attitude oozes out of you, and subtly influences the people around you.

You become more like the stone thrown into the pond that creates the ripples on the surface of the water, whereas before you were more like the bubbles on the top of the wave, blowing this way and that way, totally dependent on some other force to determine your way.

Let’s do one more attitude change.  Instead of thinking that fear and anxiety are negative, think of them as positive forces for change.

Let me explain.  In order to grow your business and gain market share, you are going to have to take the business away from one of your competitors.  There has never been a better time to do so than now.  This recession/ depression offers what may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to build your business. Here’s why.

You are going to ask people to change their behavior.  Change never comes easily.  It is best accomplished when someone has a powerful emotional reason to change.  The fear and anxiety in the marketplace are powerful emotions.  It is easier to get people to change today than it was a year ago.  If you can channel those emotions and present your solution in a way that gives people confidence that makes their fear subside, in some small way, you’ll find your customers willing to make significant changes. Radical changes that were unthinkable in a less anxious time, are today accepted with minimal push back.

On a much smaller scale, the same principle applies to your customers and prospects.  If you can show that you have a solution that, in some small way, makes them feel less fearful, you’ll find that they will be more amenable to change than at any other time in your career.

Rethink how you can present your product or service.  Instead of focusing on the features, think about how the decision to buy it from you can provide the customer some peace of mind, can make his fear subside in the category of products that you sell.  Present the decision to buy it from you as one which makes him feel better.

Here’s an example.  Let’s say that you sell industrial supplies to manufacturers.  You are used to reacting to the customer when he says that he needs this or that, pitching your product, dickering over price, and hopefully gaining an order.

Suppose you were to recast your whole approach.  Create a whole different presentation.  Consider what it would mean to a customer if they were to do all their business with you.  Your company could be responsible for keeping them updated on all the new products, your company could take over their inventory, your company could provide monthly reports, your company could work with your suppliers to reduce their costs.  You could become partners.

As a result, your customers could do more with fewer people, reducing their costs.  They would spend far less time, and therefore money, interviewing sales people.  They would be more efficient, and could focus their attention on their customers instead of worrying about your category of product.  That would be a radically different approach, a different way to do business that would give them some peace of mind and stability in a threatening and dangerous environment.

That’s what I’m talking about.

But wait, you say, not all of my customers would be open to that kind of approach.

You are right, of course.  But some will.  Your job is to identify, by thoughtful analysis, which of your customers and which of your prospects would be most open to that approach, and then to create a plan to present it to them.

We have a methodology for selecting those customers and prospects that would take too much space to describe here.  Go to Chapter Six of my book, 10 Secrets of Time Management for Salespeople to read about it, see #22 “Time Management: Making Hard-Headed Decisions About How to Invest Your Selling Time” for an audio training program, and consider “Prioritizing Your Customers to Dramatically Increase Your Sales” for a video training program.

Imagine what it would mean to you if you could just get a half dozen of your customers to commit to a radically different way of doing business with you, and buy everything from you!  In most cases, your sales would at least double, you’d have more fun, make more money, and have less stress.  That’s the potential that is in your hands.

Your choice is clear.  You can join the defeatists of the world and become a depressed victim of the recession.  Or, you can take your fate into your own hands, and proactively take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Go forth and sell well!

Join me in a webinar entitled “How to survive and thrive by selling smart in a difficult economy.”  In it, I’ll describe, in more detail, exactly how to take your fate into your hands and implement this strategy.  For information, call us at 800-331-1287.

About the author

Dave Kahle is one of the premier sales educators in the world.  He’s written eight books, spoken in 47 states and seven countries, trained tens of thousands of sales people and sales managers to be more effective, and publishes a free weekly Ezine.  To subscribe to his Ezine, check out his website at www.davekahle.com.

from Commence CRM http://www.commence.com/blog/2017/04/19/any-advice-for-sales-person-in-this-economy/