#Imagine Neil talking to Todd and thinking

[left-handed-spaghetti]

Neil has a smacking problem…

Proof:

POOR UNSUSPECTING TODD

Even his best friend Charlie isn’t safe from his evil schemes

SMACKING CAMERON?! This is just crossing a line…

SMACKING EVEN THOSE WHO ARE CLOSEST TO HIM?! What a travesty…. #EndNeil’sSmackingProblem

[neilperryismine]

we definitely don’t talk about this moment enough

the look todd gives mr keating after neil fathers takes him away. todd just wanted to speak to neil and tell him how good he was, and he was dragged away. and you can’t tell me that todd didn’t think there was something wrong because he looks so concerned

and imagine what would’ve happened if neil’s father didn’t turn up…sigh

[beetheyapper]

what i’m about to say about anderperry might be somewhat controversial

people talk a lot about neil and todd and their potential relationship—and don’t get me wrong i love them—and how things may have gone if they’d had more time. we all know this, we’ve all read the cute fanfics and headcanons and giggled and daydreamed about this perfect world of what could have been

but i think these actually tend to ignore the harsh reality known as historical context. it was 1959, they were at a christian, all-boys school, and things would NOT have been easy sailing for their relationship. I mean, I’m pretty sure homosexuality was still considered heresy or something at this point. If they were in a relationship, then it would have been tense, secretive, etc.

and IM GAY and like i know that gay people have obviously always been around, but i just seriously doubt that they’d be wearing each other’s clothes and holding hands in public. their relationship would probably have to be hidden. they likely wouldn’t be shouting it from the rooftops

i hate to say this but i’m not even sure that all of the other poets would be immediately supportive; this was still a time period of raging homophobia

and i adore them and want happiness for them and i understand that some people ignore these facts for the sake of their own sanity and self-preservation, but i think it’s important. if they chose to still be together, it would have been another major “carpe diem” and another way of going against conformity. i feel like ignoring the context is almost a form of mischaracterization. 

but these are of course fictional characters that we’re talking about, and people are allowed to imagine them however they see fit. i just wish there was more fan-made media talking about or including this perspective

[oraclefreak]

Dead Poets Society boys headcanons I thought of while showering: showering edition (sounds ironic)

Charlie: bro uses an IRRATIONAL amount of shampoo. Most probably has finished one entire bottle in a matter of 4 days before (shampoo prices must not be an issue for him, I guess). His hair somehow isn't damaged, and not even god knows why. Takes an hour for him to finish showering. He talks in the shower, and if it's in Hellton showers he will talk to someone else while showering (Knox and him get idiotically philosophical; call it shower thoughts that are actually spoken)

Cameron: this mf measures the amount of shampoo he uses. I never knew someone who did this, but I can DEFINITELY GUESS that Cameron has a measuring cup just for shampoo. His showers are short compared to the others, probably because he doesn't think about other things rather than to finish showering. Uses more hair products outside the shower (the youngsters would call it 'styling').

Meeks: he's a little more normal. But DEFINITELY has realizations while showering, it's just that he doesn't say them out loud. Suddenly his mind speaks to him about how to set up the DIY radio to work or something like that and he won't talk to anyone after the shower until he has it sorted out (will go RUNNING like he's running out of time to tell Pitts). Probably 25 minutes long showers because he also uses a product to keep his curls okay.

Knox: who told this dumbass that putting on perfume while the water is running and he's still showering is okay? Multiple people had told him that IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, but he's like "no, guys, I swear it works... because the other day-", and he's mentioning an event that has nothing to do with putting on perfume in the shower. I can imagine one of his talks where he goes OVERLY philosophical and Charlie just tells him that he's 'talking stupid'. He takes (slightly) less than one hour just to not be called the one who takes the most time in the shower (a.k.a Charlie Dalton)

Neil: WHO put theater kid music in here? Social anxiety fears this dude. Not only he sings his favorite musicals, he also mumbles the dialogue for his next play. I'm certain that more than 7 people in Hellton have memorized at least one line from his dialogue just by listening to him (even if it's mumbling people can still hear him). Takes like 40 minutes for him to finish showering, and most of it is him trying to remember his parts in the play (sometimes Todd, who has them memorized after reading the script multiple times, tells him the next word and Neil yells it with excitement in an 'eureka' type of way). I think he would do a little skincare while showering, maybe just one product to clean his face and then wash it off.

Todd: always takes him 19 minutes straight to finish showering, some of the poets wonder if he has a watch to know when to come out (it has been proved scientifically that he does not take less or more than 19 minutes). Has a panic attack every time the soap slips. For some reason also uses conditioner... Who told him that he has to use it? I don't know (your hair isn't even that long, dude). Has the typical writer struggle of having an awesome idea but not having anything to write at the moment (has suffered the pain of forgetting what the idea was). Unlike the other poets, he does not do much after showering rather than brushing his hair and then dissociating (partially canon, I guess)

Pitts: he tried to get the shampoo out violently once, and it ended all over the place except his hand. He's more conscious about it now and it didn't happen ever again since then. He's a thinker, but not a philosophical one (like Charlie or Knox) or a genius one (like Meeks). His thoughts range from "did I turn off my desk lamp", to "TRIG HOMEWORK IS DUE TOMORROW AND I DIDN'T FINISH IT YET". Awfully specific but probably uses two brands of shampoo (I don't know where the idea came from but I can see it). Takes him a little bit more than 25 minutes to finish showering but does not usually reach 30 minutes long showers.

I don't know where all of these came out of.

[cimacally]

Dead Poets Society headcanons: what do they do when they can't sleep

Neil starts reciting theater lines in his mind because he remembers all of them. Sometimes he obviously can't recall some and he gets angry at himself cause he can't read the script without turning the light on, and he doesn't want to wake up Todd. Eventually, he falls asleep, after mumbling the line he was stuck at for 20 minutes.

Todd usually thinks of poems which he won't remember in the morning either way. When he really can't create any good work, he gets frustrated and doesn't sleep all night, thinking about his parents and Jeffrey, drowning in insecurities.

Charlie aggressively wakes up Cameron and complains to him. At first, it was really annoying to Richard, but he got used to it and now they both enjoy it (they will never admit it tho).

Cameron just stares at the ceiling and lets his mind wander off. He thinks about pretty much everything, and sometimes it leads to very weird conclusions, so he tries to sleep every night (he even stopped drinking coffee) (it does not help).

Meeks quietly hums some melodies and imagines various scenarios. He likes making stories so he often doesn't sleep on purpose, just to create them in peace.

Pitts almost never has problems with falling asleep, but when he does, he wakes up Meeks and they talk about everything and nothing. He feels guilty doing so, but Meeks assures that it's not a problem.

Knox gets up and walks around the room until he's at least a little tired. If it doesn't help, he thinks of Chris till morning. The Poets told him that it's kinda creepy but he doesn't give a shit.

I know it's not great, I have never written headcanons before and English isn't my first language but I always wanted to try it so here we are <3.

[oscolotlxzooxx]

𝙰/𝙽: 𝚗𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚖 𝙸 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚎. 𝙸 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚊 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚏𝚞𝚗.

"We were going to be here." Todd said quietly. The rest of dead poet society-new and approved-were standing behind Todd who gave him the news about Neil.

Todd looked at the ground like it was his first time seeing the color white. He picked up a hand full of snow, and turned to the others slowly with a small and sorrowful smile. He looked up at Knox, who was in front of him apart from the rest who stood aside.

"This is my first time seeing snow,, aheh. It's so bright.. It would've complimented Neil, don't you think?" Trying to crack a dreaded cry, he instantly put his head down to look at the snow he still carried. It was cold like he imagined. He turns back around to look at the spot that him and Neil were supposed to be at that very morning.

"We were supposed to resight our poems.. We were,, oh God." Todd couldn't keep it in anymore. The realization of his dear friend gone without an explanation was tragic to not know the answer to.

"It was his father! He killed him.." Todd shouted now. He looked at Knox again.

"Todd.. Don't be stupid, it couldn't have been-" Knox was abruptly cut off.

"No! It was his father.. He never wanted him to act,, it was him I tell you! Him!" with anger building up, he turned rapidly on his heel to run at the designated spot they were going to be at. Tumbling down when getting half way, then getting back up to run some more before falling again, claiming his defeat in anger. He fists the snow. It's so damn cold.

"NEIL!" Todd shouted.

He kept shouting his name before face planting in the snow, causing the others to be concerned for his health. They run to him.

"Todd!" Charlie said, being the first one there to help him, Meeks coming in second.

Todd was still. Taking in the cold before Charlie lifted him up slightly to see his reddened face due to the snow.

"He was good.. Really good." Todd said suddenly with a cry. The boys instantly knew what they were talking about. Their friend being the center of attention that very day. It meant everything to Neil. He was carefree and joyful. He had the biggest smile on his face when the curtains closed. His friendly aura could be seen that day. He would've been a good actor, Todd had thought.

[perksofbeingpoet]

☆ THE DEAD POETS AS DETECTIVES ☆

imagine a murder mystery taking place at a remote boarding school in the 50s. the police write the case of an elderly teacher dying off as an accident or old age, but some of the students think there's more to it. these are our detectives...

NEIL: had the idea for the detective club. insists on playing out the scene of the murder, officially to check for any contradictions in witness accounts, secretly just because he enjoys acting in a dramatic murder scene. tends to jump to conclusions too quickly. extreme amount of determination, will find the murderer. good at interrogating suspects because of his trustworthy appearance. understands social connections well.

TODD: only agreed to detect because his friends wanted to. scared of the murderer trying to go after them as soon as he finds out they're chasing him. not scared of blood/gore at all so he's the one who has to examine the body and wounds. takes notes in interrogations. very rational and good at seeing connections, so he's one of the best detectives despite not wanting to be.

KNOX: wants to detect out of a sense of morality, feels like he needs to put things right. lightens the mood with jokes, but is secretly nervous, especially around the body (he does not like dead things). too careless around the scene of crime and clues, touches things without gloves, leaves footprints etc. but unbeatable at talking to suspects/witnesses - he's charming enough to make them let their guard down.

CHARLIE: very witty, has sudden bright moments. extremely daring, does the things the others are too nervous to do - breaks into rooms by climbing up to windows, steals from suspects etc. but he's often too rash, needs to be slowed down a bit so he doesn't immediately double down on one suspect. lightens the mood with jokes, but takes it a bit too far, others have to tell him to concentrate. extremely loyal to the other detectives.

PITTS: pleasantly chill about the whole thing. makes sure everyone still eats and sleeps despite the detection, is also very commited to the detective club. optimistic that they can do it. cannot see blood for the life of him, passes out when they look at the body. his off-hand comments often reveal genius new things, very good at connecting clues to people. smarter than he gives himself credit for. good at picking up emotional undertones in interrogations.

MEEKS: good at being fakely loyal to the school and getting teachers to trust him. the best at listening in to conversations, can blend into the background while overhearing everything a suspect or witness says. knows historical cases which could be similar to the crime. has a harder time understanding the social connections than the rational ones. brings snacks and keeps track of the clues they already found.

CAMERON: conflicted about detecting because the police and school authorities have already solved the case. extremely skilled at remembering things, has an exact time line in his brain for the order in which things must have happened. is chosen to steal evidence from teachers or the head of school because they trust him the most. keeps his friends rational when they run wild with theories.

i thought of these after rereading @redbreastedbird's wonderful murder mystery novels, please check them out!

[churrosbitxh]

Let's talk about Charlie Dalton, because why not

it's mostly my headcanons and his relationship with Neil and Todd though

I just think he is a chaos junkie who desperately starves dopamine all the time, never misses to surprise everyone- whether in a good way or a bad way. His pranks are troublesome, but he is 16- so let's cut him some slack.

Today I am going to rant about my headcanons about Charlie and his relationship with Neil and Todd.

Neil and Charlie- It's implied that Neil and Charlie definitely were friends even before Welton, so maybe I thought they might be neighbors- or at least, their parents were close friends so the children got to hangout whether they liked it or not kind of friend. Charlie is the manifestation of the kind of friends that Mr. Perry never wants Neil to hang out with, but he seems pretty chill with Charlie befriending Neil. Though maybe Charlie acts a little less chaotic and knows how to behave when he has to (except with Nolan), I like to imagine Mr. Perry is just letting Neil be friends with Charlie just because of his family name and wealth. It is mentioned that his family is filthy rich and Mr. Perry is implied as a self-made man, he needs connections with upper classes, and whether he likes or not, Charlie is useful for him. I think Charlie was the closest to Neil, even more than Todd did- since he was the most understanding with Neil's interest in acting, knew Neil and his problems. And it's not implied enough in the movies, but Charlie is the one who encourages Neil to talk to Keating, and acting upon it since he knows damn well that his friend has no idea what to do in such situations, which explains how much he knows about Neil.

That is why every time I think about Neil's death, I think Charlie would never be the same as he was, still a rebel, yes, but he would be more cynical and pessimistic- as he has lost hope for authority, and as he grows up, it's going to happen even more. With his childhood friend is literally ripped out of his life, being 16, that's TRAUMA. My headcanon is that he never contacted any of the boys after being expelled, or at least not in person- until they have all grown up.

Todd and Charlie - Their relationship is kinda rocky, since they are the exact polar opposites in literally everything. Charlie is loud, Todd is not. Charlie likes to push his limits, while Todd tends not to, Charlie is the definition of extrovert (he picked up two girls lurking in the dark how else can I explain) and Todd is the embodiment of an introvert. But Charlie seems to like Todd despite of his indecisiveness, which show how he treats Todd and Cameron differently even though they are basically the same on some parts, being overly cautious, and Todd doesn't try to befriend them at all, and he might not have talked to any one of them if Neil wasn't in the way. The way he responses differently towards Todd and Cameron in the same situation, shows that he is more tolerant towards him.

And I bet that Charlie was definitely the first to know something was up between Neil Perry and Todd Anderson *cough*

well everybody knows that Anderperry is real but Charlie's eyes when he looks at Todd just hits the spot

Which goes to the day when Charlie had to break the news to Todd about Neil's death- with dried up tear stains and his voice all croaked up.

I think as much as he couldn't, he knew he was the only one who can bring the courage and will to tell Todd the tragedy, since he knew how Todd was going to react. He understood his raw emotions and the sudden shock of losing Neil- as they were both, on different ways, the closest to Neil. That's why he was the one to tell Todd, and why he was the one who had to break the news. That's why he kept distance with him when Todd ran off to the snowy yards, waving the boys off to keep distance as well. He knew Todd was going through some bad shit, and since he had to stay strong for the rest of the boys, he gave Todd the chance to grief on his own way.

Which concludes on my headcanon about Charlie's absence after his expulsion, I think the boys are left with serious trauma, and the two main pillars who kept them together, Charlie and Neil both gone, they might still be friends, but the dynamics are going to shift. I like to think inside the little brain of mine that Charlie writes to Todd sometimes, not often, but whenever he reminisces of Neil- nothing very fancy, but writes about how much he misses his friend, and his current state without him by his side, since he knows more than anyone that Todd will feel the same way as he does.

And I like to canonize Charlie bonding closer with Todd- but in a very toxic way. (don't judge me let me enjoy it)

And that is the end of my TED Talk thank you for reading this crazy rant.

putting in a clip of happy boys because I don't want to end this angsty

[inahallucination]

anderperry but neil notices that whenever charlie talks about girls, todd laughs along, but doesn’t seem all that interested

and then he starts noticing that todd never shows interest in girls

and also not any interest in boys 

and like todd’s a good looking guy, he’s sweet and has really nice eyes, and his voice is something that one could hear everyday and never get tired, and he’s got really nice lips, and his smile is honestly the most beautiful thing ever

so it’s not like there wouldn’t be people who dont show interest in him

that gets neil thinking, what if todd has someone from his old school

so he subtly interrogates todd subtly

(”so... are you seeing anyone?” 

“what? like a therapist?”)

but that shows little results

and he’s sitting there trying to interrogate todd in different aspects of his life to find out if he has a crush or so and todd always turns a really pretty pink when he does and his eyes flash with something that almost looks like hope but that doesn't make sense

it makes sense when charlie corners him and tells him to just ask todd out ‘oh my fucking god neil; you’ve been on his dick about having someone else; like i get it you want to make sure ur reading the signs right; but its been weeks and todd’s made it clear he has no one on his mind but you so stop being a little bitch and just ask him out”

“what”

“said with love”

“oh my god”

“a lot of love”

“i wanna ask todd out. oh my god i wanna know if he’s single becuz i want him to be not single... with ME”

anyway

i dont know what im writing i was just gonna say imagine neil being all confused why todd, despite his gorgeous face and gorgeous personality never shows interest in dating even tho he totally could get anyone all the while drooling over him and just barely missing todd’s longing gazes

[lillieslibrary]

"Well, What do you love?"

anderperry one-shot !!

summary: todd kisses neil, flees the scene, and sits on the dock in a ball of his own anxiety. neil finds him and ends his worries.

warnings: internalized homophobia, self-depracating thoughts

Todd is sitting quietly on his bed, trying to convince his pencil to write the poem for Keating's class, on its own. He can't think of anything to write as his mind is pre-occupied with his other unwanted thoughts. Neil walks in and Todd decides to call it a day, he will write more later.

The bed dips as Neil sits down beside him. "Whatcha doing?" he says, in a sing-songy voice. Todd shrugs. "I'm trying to write a poem for English, nothings working," he sighs and throws his journal onto the bed next to him. Neil looks at him with a hint of sympathy.

"Well I'm sure you'll think of something, you're a great writer!"

Neil leans over him to pick up the journal and Todd almost screams. His face is warm and he has to take a subtle deep breath. Neil flips through the pages, skimming over the work Todd has done so far. Todd lets him, he has gotten more comfortable with people reading his stuff, so he just takes this time to settle his nerves.

"Everything in here is great! Why don't you just use one of the poems you haven't shown yet?" Neil asks, still looking down at the pages. "Mr Keating said it has to be about love, and I don't usually write about that so I have to make a new one," Todd looks down at his lap, talking about love is not something he particularly enjoys, especially when the person he's talking about it with is Neil Perry.

Neil finally looks up from the journal, and shuffles to face him on the bed. Todd turns as well, looking up into his friends eyes.

"Well, what do you love?"

Todd looks down at his lap. He has only just realised how close in proximity they are to each other. He can feel his palms becoming sweaty. He looks back up at Neil, who is smiling right at him.

Before Todd can think it through he leans in and kisses him. The kiss lasts a couple seconds before Todd pulls away. His eyes are wide with the realisation of what he has just done. Before Neil can get a word out, Todd jumps up from the bed, and runs out the door.

He runs through the dorms. He runs down the stairs. He runs away as tears well up in his eyes. He had ruined it. He had ruined everything. Neil was probably up there telling everyone. Telling everyone what he was, what he had done. He couldn't bare to imagine the outcome. He would be kicked out of Welton for sure. Todd keeps running until eventually he reaches the doc where he and Neil had gone to run his lines for the play. Oh god, he had made a huge mistake. Why can't he control himself? Why can't he be normal and like girls just like everyone else. He was a disappointment. To himself, to his friends. To everyone.

Tears were streaming down his face now as he sat, feet dangling off the edge. He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

He can't hear the footsteps getting closer to him on the doc. A hand rests on his shoulder.

"..Todd?"

It was Neil.

Todd can't face looking up at him. "I- I'm sorry, I'm so s-so sorry!" Todd's voice cracks, as he is trying to hold back the sob bubbling in his throat. Neil pulls him into his chest and wraps his arms around him. "Its okay Todd, its okay," Neil's voice is enough to break him. Todd buries his head into Neil's chest and lets out a sob.

After a few minutes the sobbing dies down, and Todd finally picks up the courage and looks up at Neil through teary eyes.

"I'm r-really sorry, I shouldn't have done something like that, especially to you. It's okay if you're gonna report me I'll completely understand and I-"

Before Todd can say anything else Neil leans in and kisses him. Todd's eyes grow wide, but eventually he relaxes into it.

Neil eventually pulls away and looks at Todd with a smile, wiping a leftover tear from his eye. He swings his legs over the side of the doc as well and pulls Todd into his side.

"I think I know something you can write about."

[blakenation1]

Dead Poets Society Band HCs (continued?)

Charlie learns a lot of the cheer/color guard dances just for shits and giggled and does them randomly why is he so good at them

Knox is addicted to tapping on the percussion equipment. I can't tell you how many people I've yelled at "STOP TAPPING" all in love though all in love

Meeks and Pitts will go in the band room and sit in a corner and play minecraft pe

this is so low brass of them

Neil loves having such aesthetic practice sessions, like deadass will go outside in the fall to practice in the pretty environment. he's so nature.

I say this because I know he would practice by candle light every once in a while just to spice up things a bit. I say this because it has happened to me before.

My power went out, and I literally had an audition in 2 weeks, so of course I couldn't just NOT practice. So, I lit a candle, set up my music stand and my sheet music, got my big ass tuba out, and practiced by candle light. Musicians, 10/10 recommend. It was a spiritual experience. The storm going on really added to it. /srs

anyway! enough about me

Pitts knows all kinds of fun and cool tricks on sousaphone. He knows how to like spin it around his body, which looks really cool, I hope this makes sense

"Charlie would play Careless Whisper" i'm not arguing with nobody because he would. he would do that and i hate it. bless.

RIP Meeks, you would love music theory.

Todd would not be crazy about marching band, but he would love concert/symphonic band

Knox you would be an insufferable trumpet player and I would probably not like you.

Fanon Knox you would be such a great high brass section leader/brass captain and I would probably love you.

Imagine Brass Captain Knox Overstreet and Woodwind Captain Charlie Dalton duo AHHH I LOVE THEM

I say this because that was literally my good friend and I. We were brass captain + woodwind captain duo and it was so fun and iconic. wouldn't trade it for the world.

they wouldn't get shit done though

teehee

Is Neil more likely to be leadership? Yes.

Cameron too LMAO

Cameron really enjoys helping rookie band members

Charlie really enjoys NOT helping rookie band members

I'm talking Charlie is going around like "your plume is on backwards."

Knox going around and dispelling misinformation to rookies thanks to Charlie

All the poets cutting up and having a good time after football games/concerts

Let's be so for real right now, Neil would not be in band he would be too busy with theatre

But good thing we all can imagine for a second

I can't think of anymore to add

ok bye

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Since most people here don’t have TikTok (and honestly, I don’t blame them) they haven’t heard all the dps musical snippets, so I figured I’ll transcript them

(None of the songs are in any specific order) (when there are several snippets, they also aren’t in any specific order)

"Another New First Day"

From the lyrics and title, I figured this would be the first song. It’s possible I’m incorrect.

Sang by: all the poets simultaneously (except Todd)

But l'm still hopeful that it might just get better / Some senior fun 'til my acceptance letter / Nothing really grows, despite how I wish it would / I've got friends enough to know this place brings some good / No use combatting destiny, the history that's bound to be / Sit back, settle down, and give in / It's set in stone, you're set for life / This is your life, now live in it / Predictable in its way, you know how it all goes / You'll feel it in your bones / The feeling you can't shake / Everything that you should want is waiting for you at the top / Another fresh start, another pathway, another new year, another first day / Another new first day

“Desk Set”

Sang by: Neil and Todd

Snippet 1:

(Todd) How do l know this is really the truth? My lines get blurred when it comes to you / And I don't wanna play the madman in this mad show made for two

(Neil) I wouldn't hurt you Toddy. I couldn't if l tried / l've never met somebody who makes me feel half as alive as you do / Half as alive as you do / Beyond my mind

(Todd) Outside my head

(Both of them) I've kissed you once lets kiss one thousand times again / One thousand times again.

Snippet 2:

(Neil) I can't make sense of sleep-talk / I can't declutter the strangeness / I'll always be weary of wishing and its dangers / I twist and turn in panic / I think ‘til I come to / I've held it back, but damn it, I'm thinking about you / Clouds pass and bring sunshine through our window / Waking, blinding me, but setting you aglow

(Both of them) I tend to imagine and get lost in that space

(Neil) I can't help but sleeping because I determine my fate / Determine my fate at the sound of turning pages, at the sight of your face / I could spend days in the worlds I create in my head

(Both of them) Let's kiss one thousand times again and again and again and again and again / One thousand times again

"Choking On The Bone"

Sang by: Charlie

Spare me the tough love, this just can't be how the kid grows up / Is this now my epilogue? ls letting go really growing up? / Will growing ever be enough? Or is it worth just giving up? / Head first into the ebb and flow, having no say in how l go / Drowning in the shallow, sucking out the marrow, and choking on the bone

"I Can Hear It Now"

Sang by: Chris and Ginny

(Both of them) There is nothing I can do to make myself feel relevant next to him / 'Cause it's his world and we're all just living in it / My potential can be fatal / It's my living breathing downfall / Haunting moments / Stuck in corners / Keeping me cut from the picture / It's his portrait / It's his moment / And I'm here as a silent accessory

(Ginny) But silence can feel more like death to me. Fade in into the background / The black behind fluorescent lights / There's music ringing through the room, but I’m counting on silence tonight

(Chris) A moment of deep recollection / Make me feel / Make me seen / But this is the way things oughta be, for this is how they’ve always been

(Ginny) There is nothing I can do to make myself feel relevant next to him

(Both of them) Cause it's his world and we’re all just living in it

(Both of them) (in a round) My potential can be fatal / It’s my living breathing downfall / Haunting moments / Stuck in corners / Keeping me cut from the picture

(Both of them) It's his portrait / It's his moment / And I’m here as a silent accessory / But silence can feel more like death to me

"At Your Will / Choking On The Bone"

Sang by: Charlie and Cameron (they both sing at the same time, not after the other)

(Both of them) They throw me into the fire and I don't feel a thing

(Charlie) The blizzard has burnt me more than the flames / They want all of my innocence wapped up like presents / But you can’t cover up neatly what ended in ruins

(Cameron) For the first time, I don't get it / For the first time, I doubt I ever will / For the first time, I’m giving up on getting it / So crucify me at your will

"Father Made It Clear (Reprise)"

Sang by: Neil

Father made it clear / He leaves no room for hoping / I stare out of the window / The ground beneath me frozen / Snow white and pure, the pearly gates of heaven / Maybe I'll arrive to find the curtains open / Or maybe I'll arrive to find out he was right / *pause* / But father made it clear / There's no room for me here

“God Of The Cave”

Sang by: the poets (snippet 1, 2, and 4) + Chris and Ginny (snippet 3 and 4)

Snippet 1:

(Neil, spoken) Alright, alright, quiet, gentlemen. We must behave ourselves in the presence of a guest.

(Pitts, spoken) What guest?

(Neil) Who is this, that enters our sacred ground? / It's a guest, a visitor, and one of great renown! / Do we have any guesses? / C'mon give it a go, champ

(Pitts, spoken) God, Neil, I don't know, it just looks like a lamp.

(Cameron, spoken) That’s ‘cause it is just a lamp.

(Neil) See, that's where you're wrong / Gentleman, friends, men paving the way / There's a divine force here today meet: / the God of the Caaaaave!

(The poets) …

(Neil) God of the Cave, brotherhood incarnate / We follow your lead as as you set the path straight / Get on our knees, bow in faith, light and shade, praising you / God of the Cave

Snippet 2:

(Neil, spoken) Take it away Todd!

(Todd, visibly struggling) …

(Todd, spoken, to Charlie) Will you read it with me?

(Todd) We are dreaming of tomorrow when tomorrow isn't coming / There's today and there's the end / And everything is sudden

(Charlie) And still we sleep

(Charlie) We are dreaming of a glory that we don't really want / We keep it up our sleeves to preserve what we are taught.

(Todd) And still we sleep

(Both of them) We are dreaming of a new day when the new day's here already / Exalt, sob, live, take your time, and keep it steady

(All the poets) And still we sleep

Snippet 3:

(Ginny) I know exactly what I'm grateful for / I'm out on my own / Exploring the outdoors / A girl in the wild, how crazy, how vile! / Nobody by my side to babysit all night / Or compare myself to ‘til my heart's black and blue / Not scared of being in second place

(Chris) Being allowed to take up space

(Both of them) And finding home inside a cave!

(Chris) Being wanted for who I am alone / And for once not only who l know / So thank you again for inviting us / Tonight you've all provided us / A new reason to smile / And all the while / Let's be true to the people we knew we could be

(Ginny) More than a sister / More than a shadow

(Chris) More than a girlfriend / More than a sideshow / So, thank you for today / And, thank you, God of the-

(Simultaneously)

(Ginny) Out on my own

(Knox) Under her spell

(Charlie and Todd) And still we sleep

(Chris) Who l am alone

(Cameron) Use of my skills

(Meeks) No more blues

(Pitts) Living in my prime

(Neil) Paving the way

(All) Caveeeee!

Snippet 4:

(All) God of the Cave / brotherhood incarnate / We follow your lead as you set the path straight / Get on our knees, bow in faith, light and shade, praising you / God of the Cave

(Knox) I think you’ve got the right idea / Praising God for friends / I've got new and old beside me / And truth be told tonight reminds me / How I feel sitting here / Every time one is near / She's smart / She's kind / Funny and stunning / Warm like sunshine / Beautiful inside / And out just as well / One word from her lips / And I’m under her spell / Heat that expels and won't let the cold in—

(Chris, spoken) Well who is it?

(Knox, panicked, spoken) Uh Nolan!

(Chris, spoken) Nolan?

(All) Nolan?!

"Paper Ripping Song"

Sang by: the poets

(Neil) A hum from outside the window / A consistent buzz and pound / Whispers of desire ring low / I feel what I hear in that sound / I wanna be the train in the distance when it races

(Neil and Cameron) I wanna feel the gain as I'm put through the paces

(Neil, Cameron, and Todd) There's a light in the shadows of doubt / Nothing leaves you without a mark / If you haven't grown up by now / You'll be forever, forever in the dark / Who will I be...

(All the poets) Now it's all up to me, and l'm clueless / Been told what to do / But not how to do it

(Background, spoken) Rip, shred, thread!

(All the poets) My life is a maze, I can't cut the corners / Maybe today I might move forward / I'll be what I am, whoever that may be / And when I meet them l'Il see with utmost clarity

“Phone Call From God”

Sang by: Charlie

Snippet 1:

(Mr Nolan, spoken) Whoever the guilty persons are, this is your only chance to avoid expulsion from the academy

*phone rings*

When a phone rings, we're taught it's rude to hold off / So l hear a … and figure it's polite to respond

(Spoken) Mr. Nolan, it's for you. It’s God. She says we should have girls at Welton

I know it might sound crazy, but I know God when I hear her / That voice rings, booms, and stuns. She’s offering us the answer! / She's gifted us advice to repent us from all sin. There's a way to avoid all hell, yes! / lf you let girls into Welton / God herself is begging, pleading with a crackling voice / How are we to see the world if it's only seen by boys?

Snippet 2:

Now I can’t help / That I was born the chosen one / Hand-picked by the father, the holy spirit, and the son / So when they call me a prophet / What can I do but agree? / I guess the blessing of a goddess has forced a spotlight on me / And yes, there's pressure, handling it all on my own

(Ensemble, aka unnamed students) He talks to God!

But I take it in my stride and I take it over the phone

(Ensemble) God has a rotary - it makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard

Are we?

(Ensemble) Yes!

I wasn’t finished yet

(Ensemble) Sorry!

Are we ready to be the reason that God's plan falls through?

(Ensemble) No!

Then what should we do?

(Ensemble) We'll listen to you!

"Party Of Seven"

Sang by: Knox and Chris

*telephone sounds*

(Chris, on the phone, spoken) Hello?

(Knox, nervous) *hangs the phone abruptly*

(Charlie, spoken) What was that pussy-move about, Knoxious?

(Knox, spoken) She's gonna hate me! The Danburry's are gonna hate me! My parents are gonna kill me!

(The poets) …

(Knox, spoken) Alright, jeez. Carpe diem, even if it kills me.

(Chris, spoken) Hello?

(Knox, spoken) Hello, Chris?

(Chris) Yes, who am I speaking with?

(Knox, spoken) Hi! This is Overstreet! Well, no, it's Knox. I mean Overstreet is a part of my name but not all of it. It's Knox Overstreet in full, but I just go by Knox.

(Chris) …

(Knox, in a lower voice, spoken) Hey, it's Knox.

(Chris) Hi, Knox. I'm glad you called.

(Knox) She’s glad I called!

(Chris) I was actually gonna call you about Ginny's party to promote the play / I was hoping I could count on seeing you Friday.

(Knox, accusing, towards Neil, spoken) Ginny's having a party … and she didn't invite Neil … because if she DID he would've told us about it, right?

(Chris, spoken) Well, if you can't come Knox, that's totally okay.

(Knox, spoken) We'll be there!

(Chris, spoken) We'll?

(Knox) Of course! / What kind of party would it be / Without the hell-raisers of the academy? / We are going to that party / We'll do what the cool kids do / Like smoke and drink and talk to you

(Chris, spoken) What?

(Knox) Nothing! / The Dead Poets will be in attendance / That much you can count on / We've been waiting for something like this / Something to…. / Get our groove on

(Chris, spoken) All of you? That is … great!

(Knox) That is great / Just you and me / And six of my closest friends

(Chris) Well, it's this Friday at seven / So I'll see all seven of you then

(Knox) The Danburry's house / Friday at seven / I'll be there / All seven of us will be there

"Puck's Celebration"

Sang by: Neil

Snippet 1:

Years of waiting and pining have finally lead to this feeling / Happiness that's mine to keep / Nobody else I've gotta be

(Spoken) But that shrewd and knavish sprite called Robin Goodfellow. I’m Puck! I'm playing Puck!

(Background, spoken) Puck you!

Just a bed of bliss / Just to lay my head in / Just one thing that's really mine / Just one thing, just one time / God, I’m happy / Really happy / Don't think I’ve felt this kind of happy before now / Not even when I was barely ten, and my dad got me that toy train and / I played with it for days on end / I would sit and play with it / Well, play with it ‘till I broke the back engine / I guess I never did have steady hands / So much for being a surgeon then! / I still loved that train and, yes, I was happy / Happy despite the broken back engine / But this happy is different from back-engine-happy / This time I'm happy and it's just for me / With no despites and no tiny print / No more back-engine happy and no more restrict…ions

Snippet 2:

If father could see me now he'd see this smile on my face / and maybe he'd be proud of the happy boy he raised / I'd hug him and weep and say / "I love you, thank you for seeing me through" / And he'd say, "son, if you're happy, then l am too" / And he'd mean it / Each show I'm in, he'd see it / He'll buy flowers and stand in the aisle / Shouting "that's my boy!" with a genuine smile / I'd jump in his arms, he'd cradle my head, just like I'm a younger child again

“Starlit Smile”

Sang by: Chris

What is it about / His smile, his words, his gift — no, his curse / He beams, he shines / It seems he's mine if I want him to be / So, what's stopping me? / God, what's wrong with me? / But how can I know what's wrong or what's right / If I'm always running without giving a try / To the bright, warm joy of the moonlit boy

“Desk Set (Reprise)”

Sang by: Todd (talking to Neil)

Here, now I find you, abstaining from dejection / But know you don't have to be locked down by perception / The world will seek joy to crash upon, a light to bash until it's gone / But I've seen your unclouded days, your unlighted nights / I'm here for you always / I'm here now by your side, by your side

(Spoken) You’ll be alright

“At Your Will”

Sang by: Cameron

(Cameron’s villain song)

Drag my name through muddy waters / Make my face rough with blood / At least I'll know I took a stand / I followed through a steady plan / I faced it head on like a man / I did it once, l'Il do it again / They kiss the ground of this "great poet" / They sit here and leave me for dead / They weep and sob over teachings / And learn to abandon a friend

(Mr. McAllister, off stage, spoken) Gerard Pitts

My apologies for being neglected, unfair / Make me the enemy / And see if I care / Bully me, silence me, mock and ignore / They tried to brainwash me, but not anymore! / My apologies for winning, living right inside the grey / Success in dignity, morality in vain / For the first time, I don't get it / For the first time, I doubt I ever will / For the first time, l'm giving up on getting it! / So crucify me at your will

[prettymuchborin]

Hi! I would love to here more about your head canons for chronically ill Todd if you felt like talking about it :)

Hi yes I can talk about this for ages! :)

I really do think Todd just is naturally weak, not in the emotional sense because as we’ve seen in the movie he’s emotionally strong as hell. But I feel like he’s physically not super strong and like it’s probably a big effort for him to lift things.

He probably gets sick a lot as well, or is just one of those people that seemingly has a chronic case of the sniffles.

He can still participate in gym and soccer of course but after the game the likelihood of him passing out after is like 75%..

He’s probably also got some nausea problems. He’s the one in the group that will literally turn green when the boys are making gross jokes. Or if he smells something nasty he has to forcibly exit.

I imagine it becomes an inside joke between the poets, how Todd is constantly over tired and on the verge of fainting. But even as they joke about it they say it with a lot of love. Like I bet Charlie would constantly make little teasing jokes but he’s definitely googled how to help someone that’s just fainted before and he’s started to carry water with him just so Todd is always hydrated.

Neil on the other hand doesn’t even laugh at the jokes because he’s taken it as his job to make sure Todd is well at all times. He’s started to carry ginger candies to help with Todd’s nausea. If Todd is over exerting himself whether it be academically or physically Neil is the one to stop him and forcibly make him take a break.

I think Neil and Todd would take turns playing the care taker role tho because I can imagine in the same universe Neil suffering from crazy migraines!

(All this is my own head canon and it is just projections of symptoms I experience ALSO I’m personally uneducated on the specific types of chronic illness as there are a lot of different kinds and people have varying ideas on what is deemed a chronic illness, so I will not be diagnosing Todd with anything specific!!)

[al1v3-p03ts-s0ci3ty]

One shot idea: Neil (or Todd) admitting to the other that they like them

(THIS TOOK SO LONG IM SO SORRY-)

Thank you so much for the ask!!! I haven't written much lately so this was a nice start! This ideas been sitting in my notes app for a while so thank you for getting me to finally write it!!

[Authors note! This is set in the 90s. There are mentions of Welton but just imagine that the timeline got shifted up a bit. They're all in their mid 20s. Also the cat name Allen IS based off of that super cool fruity poet Allen Ginsberg.]

Cramped in a small apartment full of boxes that seemed to pile to the ceiling, Neil and Charlie sat on the scratchy carpet of their new home.

They'd spent their whole morning moving box after box from the U-Haul truck, up 3 flights of stairs and finally into their apartment.

"Once we're done moving all this stuff maybe we could have a housewarming?" Neil said, taking big breaths between words. Both Neil and Charlie were completely exhausted from carrying things around all day.

"Maybe we could get the guys to do all the unpacking for us." Charlie joked, although there was a hint of seriousness in his voice.

Neil chuckled at his friends joke and a short silence followed.

"Do you think it was the right thing to do?" Neil's voice was quiet.

"What?"

"To move out, I mean... I know it's for the best and I should just move on..."

There was a pause. "But?" His friend chuckled sort of awkwardly trying to break the tension.

"I'm just gonna miss him." Neil responded, his tone was completely genuine and if you listened carefully you could hear his voice break.

Of course, they were talking about their friend Todd.

Neil and Todd had been inseparable since the day they met in Welton Academy. They spent every waking moment in each others company, they shared a room together, they had classes together, they went to Dead Poets meetings together.

Now, Neil had developed a crush on Todd during this time, and as much as he'd like to say "it's not a big deal" or "it was just a small crush" he'd be lying.

After a long talk with Charlie about his feelings for Todd they both decided that maybe he should move out. He'd spent a long time living with Todd, maybe it was time for a change?

"Well of course you're gonna miss him! You've been in love with him since the day you two met, that's not gonna be easy to get over-" Charlie wasn't even able to finish his thought before Neil cut him off.

"I'm not in love I just-" He couldn't possibly sound more defensive if he tried.

"Look, Neil." There was a short pause before Charlie spoke again, he needed to think of the right words. "You wanna get over him, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you're gonna spend some time apart from him..." He turned to face his friend. "If I'm being honest... I always just assumed he felt the same way about you."

"Don't do that, Char."

"Hey, I'm just being honest." Charlie's words came out in an unusually transparent tone.

/////

Finally, they had their place set up. Their apartment had an open floorplan with a small living room and kitchen that was separated by a short bar and stools. There was a hall that connected their bedrooms and bathroom to the living room.

A small couch, coffee table, tv. They tried to make it as homely as possible given that they'd only lived there for a few days. And it worked for the most part.

"When are they supposed to be here?" Charlie asked from behind the kitchen bar, he was watching the packet of popcorn turn in the microwave.

Neil glanced towards the clock they hung above the front door, it was 6pm. "Around now... Maybe they're just running late?"

And then, almost comically, someone knocked the door. Charlie seemed unphased by the sound and made no effort to answer the door. He was such a great host.

Neil pulled the door open. There was already a smile already plastered on his face before he saw his friend's.

They hugged then exchanged greetings and complimented the pair on the new apartment despite the fact that they barely had time to properly decorate, there were still a few boxes here and there.

"Hey." Todd was the last one in the room. Everyone else had gone into the living room and were making themselves at home. But for now it was just Neil and Todd in the doorway.

"Hey..."

There was chatter coming from the living room but the sound seemed fuzzy from where the pair were standing in the hall. Neil definitely wasn't paying attention, especially with Todd right in front of him.

"Oh!" Todd rummaged through his tote bag and pulled out a book, it had post it tabs sticking out the sides as though it had been annotated. "Here." He handed the book to Neil.

"Thanks..." Neil takes the book in his hands and glanced down at it for a moment.

"I forgot to give it back to you after I borrowed it, and then... Well you moved out..."

It was a small copy of The Great Gatsby, ironically though Neil related to the main character as they both had friends in their lives that they had sort of a 'gay yearning' for. Though, neither of them would ever really admit it.

"It was good!" He began. "It was really good." Although Todd was obviously excited to talk about the book, he still spoke in his usual quiet voice. "Daisy was my favourite character by far."

"I knew you'd love her." Neil said, glancing back up at Todd from the book with a smile on his face.

Now that the other boys had settled into the apartment they were, rather loudly, discussing what they should do together.

"Monopoly?" Pitts asked.

Charlie shook his head. "No way, Pittsie."

"Why not?"

"It's too basic. We should play a more exciting game...hmmm."

Neil lightheartedly rolled his eyes before making his own way into the room with Todd. 'Typical Charlie.' He thought. It was obvious Charlie knew what he wanted to play yet he was making everyone wait, he was so dramatic. 'Maybe he should join the theatre.'

Then, suddenly, Charlie's face lit up. "Twister!"

/////

After a too long game of Twister and a few rounds of Uno, Todd was exhausted. Beside him on the couch was Neil, it took everything in him to not lean against his friend and rest his head on his shoulder.

The group was laughing about something, Todd couldn't tell what exactly it was, he was just so tired. The only thing on his mind at this point (beside Neil) was going home and getting some sleep.

God knows what the time was by now. His eyelids were heavy and he had to stop himself from leaning back against the couch and passing out. Neil noticed, obviously.

"You doing okay?" He whispered. His voice was barely audible in comparison to the other boys.

All Todd could do was nod.

"Tired?" There was a sweet smile on Neil's lips.

That smile... Todd could feel his cheeks getting warm. He nodded again. "Just a little..." He replied with a yawn.

Neil's laugh was the sweetest sounding thing you could ever dream of hearing... Or at least that's what Todd thought. "Just a little? You look like you're gonna fall asleep."

Todd lazily shakes his head, earning another laugh from Neil

"You can stay the night if you want... That might be easier than taking the bus."

"Really?" Why did Todd sound so surprised? Of course Neil would let him stay the night, he wouldn't make Todd take the bus alone, especially so late.

"Of course!" Neil smiled wide.

/////

Once the other boys had left and the only remaining people in the apartment were Charlie, Neil and Todd, Neil gave his friend a tour of the new apartment. It didn't take long as the apartment was relatively small and Todd had already been there for a few hours, however, he did like humouring Neil. He was always so theatrical.

"This is where you'll be staying." He said while mimicking some kind of fancy host, it made Todd laugh.

The room was small but cosy nonetheless. Theatre posters in frames lined the walls, he had a vanity that he used as a desk and there was a strip of photo booth pictures of Todd and Neil tucked between the mirror and the frame. Todd tried so hard to seem unphased by it, though his rosy cheeks gave him away.

He had a bookshelf that was more than full already, the middle of the shelves were sagging under the weight of the many, many plays and novels he owned.

Of course there was a box or two in the corner, Neil hadn't had time to move many of his smaller things into the room yet.

"You sure I can stay the night in here?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can."

Neil left the room to give Todd some privacy as he got changed. Todd couldn't help but look around at the room. He was so used to all these things being in Neil's room- 'his old room.' Todd corrected himself- in their apartment, but now they were here.

He put on his fluffy pyjama pants and an old loose shirt before he made himself comfortable on Neil's bed.

Soon after, Neil came into the room wearing different clothes, clothes that Todd had seen him wear before. Now he was getting nostalgic, Neil had only moved out a week ago.

"Hey!" Neil said. 'He looks so cute when he smiles.' Todd thought.

"Hey..." Todd replied in a whisper.

"You comfortable?" Neil joked. "You can sleep there, I'll be on the couch."

"What?" Todd sounded offended on the behalf of his friend.

"What?"

"You can't sleep on the couch, Neil- this is your room. Y-you should sleep in here."

Neil shook his head. "You're my guest. You should have the bed."

"But it's your apartment."

Neil was still stood in the doorway and Todd was still sat on the bed. Suddenly the energy in the room shifted, like there was something lingering under the surface of their conversation, something important and unspoken.

"Well you're already on the bed, Todd." Neil chuckled. Quickly though, Todd got up, stumbling a little at the speed at which he stood.

"Neil, I'm not letting you sleep on the couch."

"Well I guess we'll both just have to sleep on the couch then." Neil joked, though Todd didn't laugh, and just like that the air was tense.

"I'm not letting you sleep on the couch."

There was another pause between the two and they were both facing each other directly now.

"Then... I guess we'll just have to share the bed." Neil suggested, mostly joking. Key word being 'mostly'.

"Yeah..." Todd replied, his voice came out soft and quiet. "M-maybe we will..."

It's not like this would be the first time they shared a bed. Some of those nights at Welton got cold and those blankets were barely enough to shield one person from the temperature. Besides, it's not like anything was going to happen...

/////

Todd sat comfortably at the head of Neil's bed, the pillows and cushions had been distributed between the two and they had propped them up behind them like makeshift backrests. Their hushed laughter filled the room.

"You're kidding." Neil said, in a playful tone.

Todd shook his head and even though he was still laughing he spoke with complete certainty. "I'm not."

"Allen really misses me?" Neil sounded somewhat surprised. Even though they had adopted the cat together some time ago it still surprised him that their cat could miss him.

"Of course he does."

"Well I guess if he misses me so much then I'll just have to move back in." Although he was being sarcastic, there was a trace of truth in his voice. Maybe he would have to move back in for their cat... And no other reason.

Todd let out a brief chuckle. The apartment was a lot quieter now and it was nearing the early hours of the morning and they had to keep their voices down. "So you'd move back in for the cat but not for me?" He joked but he still managed to sound somewhat offended.

"Oh come on..." Neil paused and took a moment to look up at Todd from across the other side of his bed. "You know I'd do anything for you, Todd."

Todd averted his gaze, he'd rather look anywhere else than look at Neil right now. He could feel his cheeks heat up, maybe he could just blame it on the temperature of the room, maybe Neil wouldn't even notice. Todd wanted to change the subject, he didn't want to talk about Neil being gone anymore, but he just couldn't get it off his mind.

"It's weird not having you around the apartment anymore..."

"It's only been a week." Todd could practically hear the smile on Neil's face, he was always smiling about something or another when they were together.

"Well... It's been a long week."

Now this was silence. Not exactly awkward or even anxious, but something else. Something remained between the two of them.

"Your room’s nice." Todd finally deflected the conversation onto something else, something easy to talk about.

"I-" Neil began. He could read Todd, and if he was going to change a conversation topic it must've been for a good reason. "You think so?"

"It's... Very you."

Neil chuckled. "I kinda figured that it's always been 'very me'. It is still all my stuff after all."

"Right- no- yeah-... You know what I mean." Todd shook his head, he was laughing with Neil now.

"I get what you're saying. It is a little different." Neil glanced around his room as if it had been the first time he's ever seen it. He began mentally nitpicking at the changes he'd made.

"Oh?"

"Well for one," he started, "that huge cat scratching post isn't in here anymore."

"Yeah..." Todd looked around now too, he was picking up on the subtle things that were different about the room that used to be so familiar to him, silently missing the things that Neil had left in his old room.

"It's different without Allen, that's for sure, it's quiet." He chuckled. "And it's different without you constantly being in here-"

"I wasn't constant..."

Neil playfully rolled his eyes at his friend's disagreement. "It sooo was." Todd only responded by shaking his head with a disbelieving look on his face. "You were in my room all the time."

"Well... It'll be good to have this new space, right? And I'll have the apartment to myself." Todd was more talking to himself than talking to Neil, almost like he was trying to convince himself that Neil moving out was going to be good for them.

"I'll miss you being in here so often... It'll be so quiet."

"You're living with Charlie, it's definitely not gonna be quiet." Both boys laughed to themselves. It's like the world outside this room had stopped and they were the only two people in the world.

"Yeah." He continued to laugh. "I guess you're right."

"It might be a good change of pace?"

"Maybe..." Neil only half agreed. "I'll miss the quiet though... I'll miss you."

Their eyes met and Todds heart skipped a beat. "I'll miss you too..."

The room went quiet again. "We should probably get some sleep." He said awkwardly, breaking the tension. Now it was Neil who was deflecting and trying to change the subject. He got off the bed and started haphazardly moving the pillows and adjusting the sheet beneath them, not necessarily doing anything but just trying to make himself look busy.

"Neil...?"

Neil felt his world stop for Todd in that moment.

"Yeah?"

"Did... Did I d-do something wrong?" Todd asked, his voice was quiet, almost like he didn't want Neil to hear him.

"What?"

"To make you want to move out... Did I do something wrong?"

Neil shook his head profusely. "No way. Todd you're the best roommate anyone could ask for."

There was a pause, Todd wasn't sure if he should leave the conversation there or not, but he was curious.

Finally, he asked. "Then what was it?" It was inevitable that Todd would ask Neil this question sooner or later.

Neil sighed, he had to make up something. "I thought it would be better to get out of the apartment, ya know?"

But Todd just looked up at him from the bed, unmoving. It was obvious that Todd didn't believe him.

"I thought it might help me..." Neil took a deep breath as if he was bracing himself. "I didn't want anything to come between us." He said about as much as he could without giving himself away.

Todd shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"It's just..." He sighed. How could he possibly explain this? "It's not a big deal."

"Then why can't you tell me?"

The air was thick and the pauses they took between talking felt like eternities.

"I didn't want anything to change between us, that's all." Now it was Neil who had turned his gaze away from Todd.

"Why would anything change?"

"I kind of..." He took another deep breath, his lungs filled with the cold night air that poured through his half open window. "Had a small... Crush on you while we were living together." He barely even glanced at Todd after he said this, he wished he could read Todd and tell just how he felt.

He had about a million questions for Neil but all he could manage to choke out was-

"W-what?"

"It was just a small crush really, it was barely anything." He stuttered and stumbled over each word, with every sentence he let out he felt like he was letting out more and more that he couldn't take back.

"You... You m-moved out because you had a crush on me?"

"Yeah...." He nodded briefly before turning to Todd.

"But... you only moved out a week ago..."

The brunette nodded. He felt like there was a lump in his throat and a pit in his stomach.

"D-do you still... Feel like... That?"

Neil let out an awkward chuckle. "I guess so, yeah."

"You moved out to get over me?" Todd was still somewhat smiling, like he didn't believe it was true.

"Yeah." He nodded. Neil was a lot calmer now that it was out in the open. He thought this would've gone a lot worse than it did.

Todd let out a sigh of relief, which Neil immediately noticed.

He scanned Todd for any sign of discomfort or anger, though he didn't pick up on any. The only other time he'd felt this anxious was when his father showed up unexpectedly in the audience of a play he was in. But he'd rather not think about that.

"What?" Now that he was at ease he could finally do something besides just stand there and look anxious.

Todd dismissed the question by shaking his head, although he was still smiling. "It's just..." He lowered his voice. "I-I've gotten that advice before."

Neil just gave him a confused look.

"Meeks... He thought I should've m-moved out when I... Told him I liked you."

Neil went speechless, his mind was racing. It all made sense now, thinking back to all the times he even considered that Todd felt the same way about him. It all made sense.

"What?" Neil choked out as his lips formed a smile.

Todd reciprocated his smile. "Just before you moved out..."

The two boys shared a glance and the room seemed to shrink, pulling them closer together.

"Really?"

"...yeah."

"Charlie had his suspicions." Neil joked. He tried keeping the conversation light hearted, he knew that Todd didn't hold up well under stress.

"I thought it was so obvious-" Todd mumbled, he hid his face in his hands.

In hindsight it was incredibly obvious. It was ridiculous that they had no idea that the other had feelings for them until now.

"I... I guess I just never noticed before." Neil sat back down in his original position on the bed. "I thought I was the obvious one." He laughed.

"Really?" Todd's voice came out like a mouse, he peeked at Neil from behind his hands.

"Oh yeah!" He nodded reassuringly. "Remember all the valentines' I made you?"

"Oh my God-" The shorter boy covered his face with his hands again, embarrassed, his face flushed red. "I had no idea."

"Really? No idea?"

Todd silently shook his head in response.

Neil hadn't noticed his cheeks heating up until he saw himself in the mirror. His face was bright red and there was a sweet smile on his face. He never even dreamed that this day would come. Not only was he able to confess to the love of his life, but to hear Todd say in his own words that he reciprocated those feelings, it just meant the world to him. Maybe this was the beginning of something new?

Carpe Diem.

[hyacinthi-mortem]

Anderperry fluff- wizard!Neil

I wrote most of this while in the car lol, I hope u enjoy :p

Info:

• this au is set 10 years later than the original dps, so they would've gone to hellton in 1969, I wanted to be able to use Bowie

• songs used are Lady Stardust and Soul Love by David Bowie

• there's another wizard!Neil au post that will help the first part make a bit more sense if you haven't already seen it but it's not necessary to understand this

——————————————————————————

June 1974

The smell of fresh pancakes wafting through the air shakes Todd from his sleepy daze, and he stumbles out of bed, drawing the blanket closer like an oversized cloak as he walks towards the door, and watches as a tendril of soft blue light flips the record over and gently sets it down, the needle falling into place, and listens for the sound of static taking over the silence before the first notes of a song invade Neil's brain, mixing with the magic flowing through his veins as he cooks.

On the windowsill Neil's cat Oberon basks in the sunlight, fur shining a coppery brown, and the golden blur cast across the kitchen highlighting the warm yellows of the walls against the pale greens of tiles, a harsh shadow cast against the backsplash behind Neil as he sways, a soft smile gracing his lips.

A gentle blue light surrounds the bowl of batter and pours it into the cast iron pan resting on the stove, as Neil begins to chop fruit, the sweet smell lingering in the air, quietly singing along as he does.

'People stared, at the makeup on his face, laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace...'

Todd smiles, leaning on the doorframe as he listens to neil sing, and the soft hum of his magic fills his senses. In that moment, to him, the air feels alive, electricity pulsing through it and settling around him; he can almost imagine tendrils and coils of warm blue light reaching towards him, embracing him, and drawing him in deeper, and deeper, until he is surrounded by it, by the part of Neil he could never have believed was real.

'That maybe there was a chance Neil could, the boy he could never have believed would maybe, just maybe love him like that too.'

'...Boys stood upon their chairs

To make their point of view

I smiled sadly for a love

I could not obey

Lady Stardust sang his songs

Of darkness and dismay...'

He relaxes, and as he watches the scene unfold Oberon steps down from his perch, and pads over to Todd, bringing Neil's attention with him. And even after all this time, in the soft light Todd thinks he can see the hawthorn crown gracing Neil's head, the summer sun lighting up his face and bringing with it a sparkle in his eyes that feels like all the stars in the sky are shining just for him.

"Todd! I didn't see you there, I-"

Neil smiles, a sheepish grin plastered on his face as he realised he's been caught.

"This was supposed to be a surprise." He laughs, and walks over to Todd, brushing the soft blond hair from his eyes as he leads him into the kitchen, humming along to the music in the background.

"Well who wouldn't love to wake up to you cooking breakfast" Todd smiles as Neil brushes the hair off his face, and if he notices his fingertips linger just a moment longer than they usually would be doesn't let it slip.

He pulls a chair out and lets the blanket slip from his shoulders as Neil turns the stove off, bringing to the table plates laden with berries and pancakes, and the blue haze of his magic surrounding them slowly disappears into the morning.

Conversation fills the air as they eat, and he just can't get enough of that soft lilt to Neil's voice, Todd could hear him talk for hours on end, letting the feeling of contentment wash over him like magic, as he gazes into those caramel eyes

----------------------------------

Curled up on an armchair after a long day of dealing with customers, Todd sips at a cup of peppermint tea, steam fogging up his reading glasses when he lifts the mug to his face. After setting the tea down he takes the glasses off, rubbing the sleeve of his (Neil's) jumper over the lenses; watching over the top of his book as Neil sets up the record player, as he lifts the needle and drops it in place, listening for the faint crackle before a song begins to play.

Once again music fills the room, various candles dotted around flicker to life, and Todd relaxes, the faint glow of candlelight setting his mind at ease.

"Dance with me?"

He glances up in surprise as Neil stands in front of him, a hand outstretched that he takes with ease-

"Always."

As he's led into the center of the room, book abandoned on the side, the music gets louder, the soft blue light of Neil's magic surrounding them as Neil's arms wrap around Todd's waist, while they begin to sway together, the evening slowly fading away as they dance and sing, Todd's eyes reflecting the golden stars that are blinking into existence above their heads, stars that are just for him,he thinks, as he smiles and leans into Neil's gentle embrace listening to him sing along, voices merging together in the flickering light until they collapse to the floor, exhausted, and lay together, a tangled pile of legs and arms with his head on Neil's chest listening to his heartbeat while the record plays along into the night.

'New love, a boy and girl are talking

New words, that only they can share in

New words, a love so strong it tears their hearts

To sleep through the fleeting hours of morning'

Todd thinks, 'maybe, just maybe, in this moment they could live forever.'

----------------------------------

[xanderjkz]

Charlie Dalton- Life after Welton

The boy who broke free from his chains while the closest to him sufficiently died has a lot on his mind as if he hasn't completed his story.

Which he hasn't. He experienced Denial with packing everything up and being there for his friends, he has enabled his anger by punching his roommate, the one who watched him in his most secure moments but the Depression hits after that.

But why did I skip bargaining?

People in their grief are always different. For a person like him, so caged yet now so free to simply bargain is not easy to come by. Not to mention that he got expelled and now is back home, with half of a school year uncompleted. There's no time for him to ask God that if he gets this right evil Tom gets the punishment deserves. For a bird that has always been caged and now has freed himself, to be now caged again would rather send you into a wave of depression.

For charlie to drag himself out of the depression hole would be too hurtful for every bone he has left in his body. But he has to. If he took on the role of the matured friend of the group, he needs to do the same to him. Your mirror image is the one that has seen the worst of you and doesn't vanish. If you manage to bring people glory, you can do it with yourself!

So for 6 months, charlie is at a new school. Isolated from his friends. Somewhere new than the last 5 years he spent in welton. And what does he do? He, who swore to take care of himself? He let's himself fall. Why? Because every time he gets to a point of gaining something like friends, he gets reminded of the ones he lost. It's grief it's normal.

But I don't think that just because he is in a hole that he would force his fresh transformed body back into the shell his parents wanted him to stay at. Fuck that, just because he is in this hole doesn't mean he gets on their nerve.

His parents are like Evil Tom after all but that doesn't mean that he has to loose hope. So what does that guy do?

Go to a ivy university and be an English Major.

For the fucks of it...right? I mean, that's what he tells others who ask? The people that are around his parents, who hold power and are quick to gossip. He *wouldnt* lie to them, right? He did.

His real reason lies in the way weltons' most glorious teacher and students shaped him. In the most glorious time this school ever received, he got shaped into a person who knows what's holding him back. And he expressed all of this through the language they all played with. So, being an English major doesn't mean just a revolution against his parents' views but also tribute to what is past. Through this period, he is actively trying to reach out. How could he not? He is now legally free from his parents, so he has the chance to do what he wants to do. So he did.

The first was Todd

Why? He was in the same university as him. And not just that, they were in the same major. Both had different directions they wanted to go after Welton but they still managed to end up together. The atmosphere was intense considering that Todd, the closest person to Neil up until his death, definitely couldn't process his death upon college start.

(Like just imagine losing the only person who made you realise that you have a voice and who saw you as yourself. Well not since the first time they met but that's another point for the Neil essay in my mind)

But they managed to live beyond the tragedy they shared. They're friends before they're witnesses. So they talk, exchange pieces they wrote and do everything American college boys do in the 60s. Not to say that they're close to each other's hips, their dynamic will never be as close as Neil's and Todd's but it's close enough for them to see the other as they are. So through Todd he begins to talk to...

Pitts!

Oh boy, do I love that boy! This pile of awkwardness found himself in a university out of the country, let's say Liverpool or Rotterdam. Why do I think this is possible? Because I said so. Anyway, over Todd who has a neat overview of what the poets do, Charlie got the motivation to write to Pitts. Charlie probably complained about him feeling lonely and bored even when he was with Todd before the blonde (TODD IS A BLONE OKAY?!) gave him Pitt's address.

But why pitts? Because he is away and doesn't have the opportunity to actually be in a room with Charlie. Why is this important? Because Charlie, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, is scared of seeing the others. Todd is easy because Todd sees him like Neil did. But the others may changed their views. Or have different ones. After all, he last saw them when he punched Cameron which they were against. So Todd did the thing he thought was best.

Pitts replied about 3 weeks later. Well, this is how long it took for it to arrive in Europe and back. But Pitts was happy that he reached out. His time in Europe has also been lonely even tho Meeks was with him. Pitts never stated it but Charlie got the confirmation that the others don't see him differently. But in the meantime, he picks up quirks that he never noticed in Pitts. The topics he often talks about, words he often spells wrong or the way he writes his sentences. It makes the reading extremely interesting. (Is it noticeable that I love this boy very much?) Through every letter they wrote his confidence arose to talk to someone else...

Meeks!

The thing with Meeks is that he is extremely clever and someone who can give the most brutal advice possible. Through the years they've known each other, Charlie learned that if he ever wants to be saved, he should come to meeks. But Charlie picked himself up. He learned to save himself on his own. He took on the responsibility that probably would've laid on meeks. But now that Charlie is slowly getting himself out of the depressive episode he's having, he wants to have meeks great mind back. But like Pitts, meeks is in Europe. Meeks would be idiotic to leave his best friend in Europe while going to the same boring American college as the others. Tho he's away, Charlie tries to bring this connection back that they once had. Since Pitts and Meeks were at the same university, he'd know where to write. But I'm not here to repeat what I said before with Pitts. As the weeks go by and the Anniversaries of...certain things come close Charlie feels extremely low. So in a quick action, he begins to write and send a letter filled with emotions...

Dear Meeks,

There is really a lot going on. In all of the moments I have shared with you and the other 2 I never felt the need to actually express my emotions like this. But it's really shitty here. Well, not economically but in the way that all of my feelings of Neil come crushing on me. Not like a warm blanket that reminds me of love but rather a rumble that welton and Mr. Perry threw at me. I know I'm not alone in this, I know that I shouldn't be in the spotlight but it hurts so fucking much. I'm all over the place and I feel like I didn't done enough. Normally I don't feel like this but tonight it's just too much. You're usually the one who understands the human emotions. And I shouldn't lay this upon you but to burden Todd, the closest person to Neil, that's something not like me. But I don't know how to live like this for longer.

Yours sincerely Charlie

For weeks he wouldn't hear from it and he moved with it but never away from it. But faithfully the words he begged for landed in his hands again.

Dear Charlie,

While i understand the human mind, i might not get the right words. To say that I don't understand what you're feeling at your worst, would be a good lie. To think that you can forget everything once you're in Europe is almost contently. But I do understand you. You in your best moments are a light people pull themselves to but in your worst moments it seems like your hope is gone. But it's not, you see it yourself that times get better. You dragged yourself out of this hole and began reconnecting. You did it once, you know the steps back. In those wonderful years I've been in your presence I never stopped believing in you. You changed and did the right thing! For you to now feel like this is normal, but Charlie: you did what you could've done. You succeeded, so make yourself brighter independently. If you ever need help, I'm here.

Yours faithfully, Meeks

Charlie slightly tensed up when the letter came back, knowing what he wrote but when he read the words, he felt content. It might not cure the issue he has but he knew that he was allowed to move forward.

Todd noticed that he clearly felt better. He smiled more, talking more in his classes. Even if Todd has his own problems about death, he likes that at least someone manages to look on the brighter side of life. And when he received a letter from Meeks where he talks about helping Charlie, he knows that there's indeed something. He can't tell what it is, but it is something.

Knox!

Knox isn't one to go against the system in a way that may disadvantage him in the future. But we can assume that something changed within him that accepted different ways of life. And maybe he likes them. And maybe like every college student, he may go down a path that leads him to find new things that he likes. A questioning mind might look into it and what do we find? The clubs? Isn't that something Charlie would do?

Indeed they both would.

Around a year after both started college, they'd find themselves bumping into each other while...doing what people do in clubs around 1961. At first, they both didn't realise who the other was but when they glanced at each other again, both boys' eyes just widened. Yet it took them a minute before actually approaching the other.

It wasn't extremely awkward but it was deeply unsettling like it was with Todd as well. Instead of writing to Knox, he is now next to him. But like the man he now is, Charlie just went with it and had these thoughts locked in his mind. Knox doesn't deserve to have his image of Charlie's companionship ruined just because Charlie is feeling weird. No, instead they decided to go outside and talk. About the school, old memories and what plans they could make to meet each other in the future.

But Knox changed a lot in those 1.5 years they last saw each other. Knox was alone, on his own, experiencing new things that society looks at weird. And he learned to let go of the thought that every girl he talks to is obviously agreeing to something romantic (*cough* Chris *cough*). Knox himself doesn't know how it happened but he blames it on the new friend group he now has.

Let's just say that Knox often gravitates towards progressive people whose minds shatter his perspective of the world. But for him to change is a decision he made, the others just made him understand what was going on in his mind. And it's kinda shocking to Charlie just how much his demeanour changed. This is a man in front of him. Not the little knoxious that he teased from time to time. Does that change how he views Knox? No, that man is still treated with respect. Does that make Charlie think he as a person isn't flowing with time?...yeah? I already talked about his highs and lows but this isn't a hole he gets himself out of. It's more of a...realisation that starts as a question.

But besides that, both meet up regularly. Sometimes Todd comes with them but sometimes not. Todd is is own person afterall

But there's someone missing aren't I right?

Road to Cameron

Let's skip ahead of time. Mr Dalton managed to get his Degree in English. While Todd is an author who frequently writes about the meaning of life, Charlie is a journalist who mostly writes about politics or niche things that happen in small towns. Like he goes around the area where his work is (preferably New York), meets other people and just lives somewhat peacefully. It's been a long journey but he managed to find acceptance when it comes to his best friend's death. Not only that but he is still in contact with others. They remained in a close radius of each other so physically seeing them isn't that impossible.

I'd like to say that Charlie is romantically involved with someone but I'd like to not state who (to ofc not shatter my own heart). Maybe it's a dude, maybe it's a gal. But what is important is that Charlie has managed to assemble himself in a lifestyle where he is no longer bound to any pressure of society. Over his college years, he builds up a new personality with parts being added and parts of Welton staying. But he is now allowing himself to be himself.

His life is normal, his life is healthy, right? Well, what if I say it isn't? What if there's one thing he hasn't been able to progress after he got expelled from Welton? Something he thinks he did right but still can't make amends with? Something he can't explain....or someone?

Imagine the pure horror when this dude who you repressed for so many years just sits across you in the subway. The way he just reads a book while not noticing you. You'd brush it off but still stare holes into that book he has. Yet he leaves as quickly as he came.

But did Cameron do that? Not if you ask Charles Dalton. For him, Cameron was now all around New York. Outside his office, around the corner of his apartment and even in the grocery store Charlie often buys in. Slowly but surely he realises that Cameron is gonna stay in his vision. And that makes the man extremely irritated. Vexed. Confused. Angry? Nah let's stick with irritated.

I mean everybody would be like Charlie if your worst enemy and ex-roommate was constantly in your damn glances.

This irritation would be even worse once he has to see him every day. Why? On the subway on his way home, Cameron lifted his glance from the book and saw Charlie's brown eyes. And like he always is, he hasn't figured out that what he did with snitching about Keating wasn't right. So he went up to Charlie. And what did Charlie do? Be mean, like he always was with Cameron.

Look Cameron is different from the other poets. He was friends with Neil, not the others. He's a case of people who are just trying to be alive in the quietest way possible. So he doesn't go against the stream. Instead, he is one of the many who fuel it. And that's okay, he's allowed to do that. He's just trying to help himself. But this need is buried so deeply within him that he doesn't question what the true essence of life is. And maybe that was the thing that Charlie pissed off. Charlie isn't one to belittle someone based on looks if the personality is a much harder hit. Charlie our dear boy is the representative of freedom in the movie, Cameron the one of content cagement. And these ideologies clash together and caused the end of the movie. While Charlie found himself at the end of the movie, Cameron caged himself even more.

Because Neil is dead. We know that Neil is the stronghold that brought him to the poets and when Neil died he had no reason to be there anymore. But people forget that he grieved. He grieved the death of his friend and so did what he always does. What every human does. Go back to his habitat. And that one is the cage. Cameron manages to live on this life. Get a girlfriend, maybe a wife. Maybe an interesting life for himself. But when he crosses Charlie. The one who knows him more than his biological brothers, he yearns for a reunion. Even if Charlie was the biggest asshole. Losing charlie was losing the only person who can read him blind.

So what does he do?

Is this a gay romance or just therapy done without a therapist?

Oh Cameron, you'll make charlie wish he was dead.

Instead of being in Charlie's mind 24/7 Unintentionally, he now does it intentionally. He looks around his surroundings more and manages to find Charlie easily. Cameron doesn't go over, he's too Cameron for that but he stares holes into Charlie's eyes. And charlie doesn't do anything about it. Not even when he received a letter from meeks, telling him that Cameron asked him about charlie. He finds it weird but he knows deep down that he needs this to fully move on.

But it still makes him feel like he's an inch away from hell. Because Charlie knows he did everything wrong with Cameron. To believe that he ever let Cameron down lightly is a lie. He sees it but he can't bring himself to just say sorry. Because Cameron took away his last glimpse of hope.

Mr. Keating.

And like Charlie always does in his misery, he writes to the person who he thinks can give him advice. But even when he sent the letter to wherever Mr. Keating lived, it couldn't calm him down. Who would calm down when so many emotions come back like a boomerang? I wouldn't. I would let it consume me and lead me to do stupid shit. Like showing up to that dude's home, with no hesitation whatsoever and just start talking in hopes that he just does what he always does. To know that he is that horrible person Charlie made him out to be.

But Cameron has learned to form sympathy for those who like to leave a perfectly comfortable cage. When Charlie came to his house, fully spaced out, he let him in. He offered kindness and charlie finally accepted it. And they talked. For a long while.

I won't completely state what they said, this would make this even longer but what I can state is the fact that Charlie and Cameron both apologised. They managed to finally let the other speak without disruption. And both now understood the other. But they won't change their way of living simply because of that. They gained reflection, they gained peace. But they don't want to be around each other so much that this feeling could turn into disrespect again.

But whenever they cross at the grocery store, maybe one with a kid in his arms, they'll try to wave at the other. And if their paths sometimes come close again, they'll have a small talk. But that's it.

The successful Charlie Dalton?

In my headcannon, I'd like to say that Charlie managed to live a long life. Not over a hundred but he definitely cracked the 75 mark. This is unexplainable but I don't see him marrying. After all, being able to be in a relationship for so long and just exist as two in one orbit, I think that's even more romantic. But then my thoughts on relationships are extremely radical so there are people who might shake their heads.

Maybe he has a kid or more. It's a part I can't fully picture since his character is still one that was only represented as a TEENAGER.

But if I had to choose what would happen I'd say he had a privileged life. But that doesn't mean that he won't be active to help others. Part of the movie's message was to get out of the norm and find yourself being different. So helping those who share the same mind as you should be expected.

Charlie is a thinker, he's clever. He stays in his space of creating and helping art because it's what he loves.

And maybe that's what Charlie could be.

Art.