#Im not even a fan of meat why did i put that there

[corvidcrafts273]

egg: scrambled

Steak= uh fried?

Milk= warm cow milk??

Alcohol= none

Warm drink= uhh def hot chocolate

[kcalsforhim]

˖⋆࿐໋ friday 27th of december

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TW FOR THE END OF MY ENTRY !!!!! for pic of sfx blood makeup… T_T

friday hmmmm.. well that was yesterday… i woke up and weighed myself ! i was half a kg less then the day before that… so that was very relieving T_T do you guys like a picture of a guy in a bra ? it was the smallest size they have at the local store… i tried to make it look flattering… but i feel like im too fat too pull this whole… feminine man in a bra look off…

i got up and did god knows what and then ate breakfast !

breakfast :

1 slice of home made bread cut into 2 pieces, the smallest bit of zuivel spread on both, with some smoked salmon, and a bit of crushed salt and pepper (gamechanger)

half a small bowl of vanilla pudding that was left over… and what looks like a big blob of cinnamon

a cup of some kind of herbal tea with some lemon in it

the sandwich was GOOD ! the salt and pepper ontop and just the whole combo was very rich and flavourful,

(can i interrupt this by saying im writing this at work at 8 am and some fuckass came in and said so much with such little actual words and completely fried my brain COMPLETELY like omg ? ok back to what i was saying……)

the salt and the pepper ontop changed it from being a good breakfast to being a really enjoyable breakfast ! the bread is i think the best my moms ever made… i can’t exactly describe it… it was dense and maybe a bit… im not sure, not too dry… which i really like… its closer to one of those bread buns rather than a regular old slice of bread… and so thin too !

the tea was gross…. my mom put a bit too toooo much lemon… so much so it stopped being enjoyable and sour, and went straight to being bitter….

after eating, i felt replenished but also somewhat moody. i started on my treadmill having already collected 2k steps from just doing god knows what, and i was determined to get to 10 k… i kind of zoned out the 75 mins i was walking tbh… but the last 5 minutes were stressful cause my step counter absolutely REFUUUUSED to update and this kind of ticked me off… sighs… i needed 200 steps left so i manually counted them at a certain point and got off even if my step counter didn’t update… waah

then i layed in bed… probably fell half asleep at some point, then got up to eat AGAIN… fatty… you see yesterday i wanted to overeat a lot.. on… a lot… a lot… of food… everything you could think of… not only that but i didn’t smoke at all and had had 0 energy drinks (helps reduce appetite and also boosts energy obviously)

dinner :

1/4 of my bowl was filled with some goulash and maybe 10 pieces of that pasta ?

in a small bowl i had some more pasta, maybe another 10 pieces or so… and some vanilla sugar on it…

a small bowl with some salad

a banana mashed up and microwaved

the goulash is basically just meat left to simmer alllll day long on low in a special pot, making the meat very tender and soft and quite flavourful… but im not a fan of this dish when eating it with pasta… only with mashed potato… so i wasn’t feeling it, that’s why half my bowl is fucking empty lol

the sweet pasta thing, usually you’d also put sunflower oil on it, my mom always made it when i was a child, but ill rather swallow a gun whole than directly consume sunflower oil

the salad was leftovers, and the banana was me wanting something sweet idk. surprisingly good tasting to warm up a banana, i ate it with the sweet pasta and the warm banana made it more good… idk… maybe struggle meal ?

idk what i did, but i ate AGAIN cause i was going crazy i can’t recall what happened inbetween i think this was veeery shortly after dinner

snack :

one piece of dark chocolate, and 2 lotus cookies (came in a pack)

it was good, i felt guilty but it’s like i couldn’t be helped lol… atleast it was just a controlled portion and not just… like eating handfuls of everything in sight kind of deal… i’ve done that before soooo hey ! progress.. i would NOT consider this a binge or overeating

after this my mom asked if i wanted to go on a walk with me, and i thought YESSSS I SCORED !!!! i already had 10 k so it’ll only add onto my successes !!!! so we went on this huuuuuge walk… huge ! it was soooo cold like 2 degrees out… brrr

we went to the store and i got some stuff ! taco shells… and beans… i wanted tacos… ofc i will make them myself, you will see it in my blogpost tonight or tommorow… it depends… and it will be a struggle meal bcs im rlly autistic and specific about my food T_T i asked my friend if he can spare me the cost and he couldn’t… so im not chatting with him till later… he said by next week he’ll have 500 euro so he can talk to me then…

anyways when i got back i had something like 17-18 k ! i was so happy with myself even if i felt guilty… i went into bed and i started drawing again… while chewing on vitamin pills ? see i don’t know what happens when i really want to eat BAD why the fuck would you chew on that ??????

i completed the lineart completely by this point and sighed in relief… then i started colouring my characters first… first my favourite… hehe.. i coloured him in completely and then my second favourite, i half completed him… cause then i remembered i had work

i put my ipad away and i layed in bed and forced myself to go to bed… i went to sleep so early my parents weren’t even sleeping yet, so i could sleep with no headphones, no earbuds, just pure silence… infact it was so quiet i didn’t even put on a video… it was such a weird sleep

i remember having a nightmare but i can’t remember exactly what, most likely something with food or something like that you know ? T_T

that was my day !!! weirdly extensive… but im in one of those moooooods you know ?

ignore monday ew… this is what we call beaaaaaauifull consistency ~ i love it !! you see those beautiful numbers ????? i feel so good about it i kind of never want to be under 10 k again TwT

cals : 3 days binge free !!!! today was hard, but i only had controlled portions of everything, so i see it as a win… feel free to disagree tho… i do understand today was a BAD food day… i ate so much !!!!

steps : 18.6 k !!!

my obsession with this soundtrack needs to be studied LMFAO. this track makes me laugh bcs she’s always playing her stupid rpg when it plays going online with her teacher ??? that’s crazy ToT

TW scaaaaaaaaaaaaaars

bonus !!! TwT i thought these turned out sooo cute… the night before i wasn’t feeling so well, so i got some courage and cvt the inside of my arm… i had been wanting to for a long long time… it wasn’t so bad !!!! i started it off really carefully, but slowly did it more and more… by the end i had one last one at the top that showed a little bit of bubbles, just barely :3 those kinds are my favourite ever ~ they hurt soooooo good …

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[lucdoodle]

1, 2, 4, 7, 12, 23 foe Adam!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character? Oh man! Where to begin!! I like his personality, design, concept, and the implications of what his story was/is off-screen and how it plays with the relationship he has with other characters that know him for a long time (read here: Lucifer, Lilith, Eve, Lute, Sera, and older angel in general.) As well as the implications of how his life in Heaven is like and how other angels sees him. All the implications who derives from the mere concept of his character are- !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a lot of fun to think about!!

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? 1- His relationship with Lute! 2- How he's genuinely an asshole lol (im very much not in the "adam did nothing wrong" group.) This dude is an apathetic asshole and an incredibly interesting character!

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? Oh boi, a series of shorts like the "Helluva shorts", except that they'd be about Adam's life in Heaven pre-canon!

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Exploring the implications!!! Taking the crumbs of informations we know about him and making whole cakes with it!! Also im a big fan of any fanfics that explores (even if briefly!) the relationship between Adam and Sera (in a platonic way, i mean.) I particularly love both the interpretations of 1- Sera thinking about the lost potential, and how Adam evolved and changed, did he changed or was he always like that? Was it the apple and thus Lucifer's fault? Or was he always like that? Since we know Sera was in heaven before Adam died, do you think she's the one that taught him how to fly? Do you think she's the one that taught him how to live in Heaven? Do you think she's the one that was put in charge of taking care of the first human soul? And what does Sera means to Adam? (stuff like that!) And interpretation 2- Sera thinking smt like "Oh not this guy again..." as Adam kicks the doors opens with a loud "WASSUP BITCHES, Adam the man himself is here!! NOW we can start the meeting or whatever" like a "that one coworker you hate" relationship XD Both are good XD auihznkjiuhgernikjulko

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? OHOHOH!!! Lemme pull out my list! * a comically long - seemingly endless scroll proceed to fall on the ground and gets all over the place * (Erm, but huh, more seriously i actually have a list of my headcanons for Adam so, uh, ANYWAY, here!) XD 1- his favorite food (that is not meat) is apple pie! (and he hates that it's apple pie of all things, so he doesn't eat it often at all) 2- he considers Lute "one of the boys" 3- Adam and Lute have movie nights 4- when he's in a really weird mood/feeling weird he eats apples 5- adam and lucifer were friends back in Eden 6- he's very unconfortable showing skin (which is why he wears a mask and clothes that don't show any skin) 7- his mask was originally a gift from Sera as she notived Adam didn't like being the only human in heaven in the early days where there was nothing else but angels up there 8- lucifer taught adam swear words, and told him to blame michael if Sera asked who taught him. Lucifer did it because he wanted to see the look on sera's face as he thought it'd be a funny prank 9- adam feels most comfortable sleeping on sand and dust and such since he was created from The Dust 10- emily genuinely thinks adam's mask is his face, this is a extremely popular misconception among angels 11- extremely few persons have seen adam without his mask 12- it took adam A LOT of time before he managed to eat another apple after what happened in Eden 13- he has an extremely good memory, but he only use it for things he likes or that involve him directly 14- he hates being alone 15- he adored being with and hanging out with Lucifer back in Eden, they were good friends and Lucifer taught Adam about a lot of things 16- lucifer taught adam what music was 17- adam is a very "monkey see monkey do" kind of person 18- when confused he makes a head tilt like animals do when they're confused, and he picked the way he hold his wings from watching birds 19- sera is the one that was put in charge of kicking adam and eve out of eden 20- sera will never forget the cries and begs from them and it still haunts her, meanwhile adam completely forgot that it was Sera that kicked him out of Eden

23. Favorite picture of this character? This one! simply because it shows how utterly TOL Adam is XD

But also this whole bit! For a character so self-centred, it was so cool to see him taking a support role!

[izanori]

just in time for their birthday! happy birthday testament <3 to celebrate, i have 8 new comics from Guilty Gear XX Yonkoma Kings translated

{part 1 / part 2}

how to read yonkoma + translation notes under the cut:

how to read yonkoma (aka 4-koma):

translation stuff (not even all about things you need to know, i just like to talk):

remember how i said this is my first time cleaning manga? yea, im still learning and using these comics to experiment with ways of handling sfx and stuff, so if you notice any inconsistencies there, thats why. for now, ive decided id rather not erase sound effects because theyre so prominent in manga theyre part of the art... and also because im lazy, and also because i'm no letterer and shouldn't try to redraw them in english

anyways

("im sorry, forgive me") i know nothing about sports and had to look up "wii sports announcer all voice lines" to figure out what someone says when a batter makes a good hit 😭

("this week's plagiarism") did you know patents are "abandoned" and not "canceled" or "annulled" or something? translation really does make you learn something new all the time

("love") napa cabbage? chinese cabbage? hakusai? i dont know. i dont cook. i just dont know. also, asazuke is a pickling method in japan that's real quick, where you put the vegetables in a sealed bag/container with salt or any other pickling solution and wait for 30 min - a few hours. yakiniku = grilled meat!

("all funny men...") so in the japanese, where i wrote "funny man" the text originally said "boke," and where i wrote "straight man," it originally said "tsukkomi." i'm not sure how familiar everyone here is with comedy routines, but in japan they have a traditional comedy duo thing where one guy (the boke) says something stupid, and the other guy (the tsukkomi) hits him with a fan or etc. very simplified explanation. in the west we have something similar, a double comedy act where one guy (the funny man) is very silly and the other guy (the straight man) must maintain his composure. youve probably seen this dynamic in many animanga and sitcoms

aaaaand... i have a ko-fi, if you feel somewhat inclined to give me $3 for being a nerd about testament and supporting other testament fans who can't read japanese. i'd be really thankful!

that's all! bye for now ^_^

[voiceofsword]

Rinne and Niki used to be a two person unit that flopped, rigth? Any opinions and takes on that?

HI ANON it didnt flop! rinne did, later on as a solo artist for reasons outside of his control. i'll explain the situation a little bit (there honestly isn't a lot to go off of considering this is covered exclusively through bits and pieces in main story – niki backstory event when NOT HOT LIMIT another one)

we learn thru main story that niki's dad used to be a fairly popular chef that hosted various (or was it just one?) shows before the events of hot limit, presumably a few years before. other idols at the time felt threatened by his rising popularity and like eichi says, allegations were made about him consuming and making dishes from human meat on his shows to tarnish his name. which is why both of niki's parents left the country – they tell niki that they left in search of ingredients, and i don't doubt that they also do that, but it's obviously not just about that. they're not gonna tell their son they had to leave the country because they were labelled as cannibals but niki isnt that stupid. he knew ANYWAYS OKAY when niki's dad catches wind of him joining an idol group he's not very pleased about it and niki mentions that this disagreement was what led to him and rinne splitting up and rinne going his own way.

presumably the two of them still live together during this time so im of the belief that niki doesn't really... see his parents, after they leave the first time. so while rinne does have to go out and do idol work all on his own, he still comes home to niki and likely tells him all about it and about his day. niki does mention at one point in main story that he'd often see rinne be depressed/tired, and given that we know his solo career wasn't exactly the best time for him, it was likely making reference to that. i think there's a lot of guilt coming from both parties at this point in time: niki likely feels guilty that he'd "left" rinne to do all of this on his own, while rinne feels guilty that 1) he exposed niki to the idol industry at such a young age (he wasn't exposed to the seedy underbelly of it like rinne was, but the feeling still lies there) 2) he even put niki through strenuous idol work to begin with – a sentiment that he still shares currently, although not as strongly. nevertheless the two of them probably have a steady rhythm: when rinne comes home he tells niki about his day, niki helps with any fan letters, and on worse days, when rinne's not feeling great, they can both be comforted by the fact that rinne doesnt have to go through it all alone, that niki's there to lend him a shoulder when he needs it. this probably continues until rinne's solo idol career is forcibly ended – the influential person that initially granted him all of those opportunities having been exposed as part of a larger corruption in the industry – and after a while is when rinne drags niki off to cospro.

going back to address this guilt they both feel i think it's important to note that, yeah, rinne still blames himself for "imposing" being an idol on niki at all. usually he makes a joke out of it, with niki playing along often saying that yeah its true if he werent an idol he would be chilling. but when both of them are being more serious, it's evident that rinne actually does feel guilty for taking niki out of his previous peaceful life (even if one of the reasons he suggested niki being an idol was to raise his self esteem – see HOT LIMIT I WONT REST UNTIL UVE ALL READ IT) and for putting up with him for as long as he has, presumably talking about those 4 years: taking him in, duo solo career, and especially the crazyb summer fiasco. while niki time and time again reminds him that he stuck by rinnes side because he wants to, that he's learned to like being an idol, that he would accompany rinne to the ends of the world even if he didn't ask. and then they turn around and bicker anyway. love is love ❤️

ive used this sc before but idgaf

as much as i love rinne and niki duo i think it's great that they have crazy:b now. theyre a dysfunctional family, but that's THEIR dysfunctional family, dammit! i rly hope that in the future we get some more exposition on what happened during those four years – event or lookback scout, i'm not picky – because 4 years is a long time!! i also just want to see both rinne and niki and rinniki develop bc i love them. if it wasnt obvious.

[nanjokei]

ok heres what ive been thinking of recently

honestly its just raw emotion, i dont really mean to upset anyone or say that they're consuming anything wrong. i'll try to word things as carefully as possible (or ill mince meat as much as possible idk) because i really do not like when people assume ill intent in my words just because i use blunt language at times. (sorry its just how i talk. im not mad at you. im not yelling at you online)

but honestly i have had a long thought about it.

i'm incredibly tired of the lack of curiousity a lot of new vocaloid fans have towards the culture.

statements like "boomers expect me to know songs from 2007" or whatever. i mean, no, no one is Expecting anything from you, that is absolutely a strawman you have invented based on someone merely being surprised (often in jest even), but it's also like. you, who actively identify yourself as a big fan, have never even thought to look back? there are so many playlists and medleys you can consult. it is a few searches away, i don't care. you are not five years old. and if you feel lost you can always ask people there are always so many people just waiting to introduce someone to even one or two old songs they like.

like is it bad that i think you should be a little more passionate if you consider yourself a geek?

what is wrong with me being surprised if you don't know sakura no ame or saihate or whatever. what is wrong with me thinking that it's weird that even with the biggest producers in the world, you have 0 curiousity to look into their old works?

it's not me being old and cranky, i just think it's a little bad and disrespectful that a lot of new fans just see older songs as inherently worse or not worth their time and use them as a strawman to invent some kind of boomer boogeyman who is going after them for not knowing shiningray or celluloid or ikelenka or whatever. even though honestly you should know them. even if you only listen to it once and decide you don't like it, or hell even just know they exist without listening.

like, songs with millions of views on nnd, i want you to at least familiarize yourself, especially if the producers are still active! at the very least!

whats wrong with me wanting people to enjoy amazing music that built up an entire subculture? made by passionate people who didn't even know the scene could last as long as it did? what's wrong with wanting to share my love with another generation?

i'm not denying that there may be outliers who are rude to other fans, but come the fuck on, stop acting coy about it. you should at least be able to recognize one of either the title, sound or thumbnail of the top 100 songs from 2009. not even KNOW them, just recognize, like is that too much to ask?

like, it's something i personally struggle to understand in general when it comes to interests i'm passionate about. i'm not a pushy person by the way, i don't go around heckling people not even as a joke, so i am not even letting anyone put me in the box of "probably acted pushy and didn't realize and is now mad at the other party". like, this is not directed at casual fans. i am just thinking stuff like "why are you hostile towards the idea of learning more about your interest?" and "why are you hostile towards passionate people who want more people to get into what they like?" and "why pigeonhole yourself? learning more means more fun for you."

because what bothers me the most is that eventually it turns into accusations of "gatekeeping" and "elitism" if anyone voiced their opinion about things. i know how im wording it makes it sound like it personally happened to me but it hasn't it is just what i have observed over the years as someone who gets super into stuff and tries to immerse myself and sees other people get into fights whether its the """elitist""" or the """casual""".

why is it like this? i cannot see why wanting to share is elitism or gatekeeping. maybe elitism sure if the other party feels like they're being targeted for no reason (and im not saying it does not happen). but gatekeeping? why is it gatekeeping? wanting to share what you like with others is gatekeeping? isn't that if you told people NOT to get into it and hid it away?

like, im saying it properly so no one misconstrues what i am saying, but i understand not everyone wants or has the energy to become a big fan of something. there are so many things where i am a very casual fan!! but even then i respect the thing i am into by also acknowledging its history at the very least even if i might not ever play/watch/read/etc all of it or at all.

so like... is it bad? is it bad that i think others should have this respect too? i know this is an issue of low empathy or whatever. i have to run around in circles to understand others. i "get" it, but im also like, why cant they be like me? so i want you to know in no uncertain terms that I GET IT. I GET PEOPLE'S POSITIONS HERE. i have been thinking about this general topic my entire life

so in the end it just turned into a general sort of thing. but yeah, i don't understand why people get so defensive and act so persecuted. am i wrong in my point of view? am i just being an elitist after all? like i simply see it as "i want people to enjoy it too."

like, i thought about this stuff after seeing how passionate ado is about vocaloid. like, she is only 21 years old. she is as old as or slightly older than many new fans (though she had liked vocaloid since elementary school). she is the biggest pop star in japan right now and yet her passion has not waned. not to mention so many younger fans that do have that curiousity too. i used to think its not possible, but i see them in the YT comments, going "im 16 but i really like this era of music" and such.

like, please just open your heart. ignore the boogeymen you're hallucinating and just enjoy slowly... it doesn't have to be a study session. naturally you will just discover more songs you like from those eras

[batmanego]

https://www.tumblr.com/janemorris/729013196299567104 can we go full supermarket sweep on jailbird im sso hungry

Yes. We can. but im putting it under a cut because its going to be so long + im taking out the questions i already did

glance: At first glance, what stands out most about your OC's appearance? What's their distinguishing feature?

THE HAIR. jailbird's hair is a defining feature. i actually made a little list of jailbird's most prominent features recently.

i still think the hair is probably his most defining feature, though it's pretty similar to glory's. i still think their silhouettes are distinct, though -- glory's hair is more coily, jb's is a little looser.

face: Describe your OC's face. What's their smile like? Are their orbs cerulean? What would someone notice first when looking at them?

still got baby fat. when he grows up, it's a little more angular, especially in the chin area, but he's always kind of got soft cheeks. he's got kind of a perma-scowl going on most of the time. when he does smile it's usually kind of malicious in nature. he has braces.

stature: What's your OC's body type? How tall are they? Do they wear clothing to accentuate their look or do they try to mask it?

skinny. skiiiiiiinny. jailbird isn't really malnourished, though he could probably stand to eat a little better, but he is scrawny. very gangly. every time i draw him i think his proportions lead people to believe he's much taller than he actually is: at the start of the story, he's about 5'1, and by the end he's about 5'4. in the epilogue, his adult height is roughly 5'7. his civvy clothing is intentionally pretty baggy and layered to give the impression of more meat on his bones.

motion: How does your OC move? How does their clothing help or hinder their range of motion? Are they flexible, coordinated, clumsy?

jailbird is extremely flexible. think somewhere between a contortionist and a gymnast. he tends to move very quickly and always seems like he's in a hurry.

stillness: How does your OC act while still? Are they fidgety? Do they have any common gestures or tics? Does their clothing affect how they hold themselves while at rest?

jailbird is actually very good at sitting still. he has no problems with it. he can sit unmoving for as long as it takes, but only if he's doing it of his own volition. if you ask him to sit still, he gets huffy about it.

canvas: Does your OC have any scars, piercings, tattoos, or other markings? Do they display or cover them up at all?

jailbird has his ears pierced. i'm struggling to think of any tattoos he might want as an adult. he gets a WHOLE LOT OF SCARS during his time as a supervillain, the most notable of which is A MASSIVE SCAR ON HIS ABDOMENT from when he gets impaled on his own harpoon. Best birthday ever!

night: What does your OC wear to sleep? Do they have a favorite pair of PJs, or are they more the birthday suit type?

silk pajama set. monogrammed. Actually im laughing really hard at the image of him getting them monogrammed with "JV" because thats probably not what his "actual" initials are

day: What does your OC wear on a normal day? Why do they default to those clothes? Do they wear similar things, or do they change it up?

i've noted this in his character sheet:

generally, any t-shirt over any turtleneck, bonus points if red yellow black and white. this is really consistent in most if not all art of him.

you can even see it in haircut! red outline is apron, blue is shirt, green is turtleneck.

as a fun design note, the school colors were intentionally chosen to oppose he and eugene's natural red motifs. something about institutional repression of individualism... i can't remember my exact justification for it, but i know it was something like that.

formal: What's your OC's formal look? Do they like dressing up? Do they have different looks for different occasions?

jailbird's not a huge fan of fancy events. he gets dragged to them sometimes but otherwise wants to avoid the public eye. i'd say the most you'll get him in aside from his school uniform is a t-shirt, slacks, and a blazer.

informal: What's your OC's lazy-day look? How do they like to dress when they're winding down?

he's wearing it in haircut:

bunny socks are a feature that i outlined kind of as a joke while drafting haircut, but i liked the idea so much that they stuck around. anyway, it's his usual upper half with a pair of sweatpants or just loose cotton pants.

outerwear: What's your OC's outerwear situation? Jacket, sweater, cloak? What sort of weather do they deal with most and how do they protect themselves?

depends on the season. most of the time he'll forgo it. in the winter he gets what he's wearing in this picture:

(he's the one in the middle complaining.) he gets cold easily.

footwear: What does your OC wear on their feet?

combat boots or converse sneakers. when in costume he has those big knee high platforms. scary!

road: What does your OC wear while traveling? Do they have high-quality equipment, or are they making do? What does their gear look like?

jailbird doesn't really travel that much! if he did, he'd way overpack and use the most expensive equipment known to man. it would piss everyone off.

armor: What kind of armor does your OC wear? Is it well kept? Bonus: where does it come from? Is there a story behind it?

jailbird has padding under his suit. it's supposed to be at least somewhat bulletproof, though that's only on the chest and head. he learns after the "harpoon to the gut" incident why full body armor is likely a good idea. he also has elbow pads and the mask functions as a helmet.

arms: Does your OC have any weapons? What weapons do they carry, and how do they wear them when they're not fighting?

oh yes. Ohhh yes. one of my favorite jailbird gimmicks is his bottomless pouches -- he can store almost anything that will fit through the opening in them. however, he has only a rudimentary ability to control what he pulls out. the more he uses an item, the easier it is to find which is why his harpoon gun is easy and why it fits -- it's huge, but it's relatively narrow and can fit into the biggest pouch on his side, and it's his favorite weapon, so it's no problem.

roots: Is your OC's look inspired by any specific style of clothing or fashion trend? What are the roots and/or inspiration for their look?

not really? he's sort of loosely inspired by mall goth fashion, but that's more to do with color schemes than anything else. if i had to assign an actual aesthetic to specifically his way of dress, i guess it would be skater culture. which is funny, because he's not the skater of the team! eugene is! and eugene's aesthetics are based more on grunge and punk!

texture: Does your OC favor any specific kinds of cloth or textures? Is there anything they can't wear or don't like? What sort of fabrics do they prefer?

jailbird prefers his clothing to be baggier and looser. his costume is built for agility and speed, so he's willing to sacrifice comfort for function. his mental state is also in a pretty different place when it comes to civs vs costume.

wardrobe: How big is your character's wardrobe? Do they wear things threadbare, or can they afford new clothes often? Are they any good at mending and repairing their own clothing?

pretty big. i don't think jailbird buys new clothes very often, and he's really good at sewing and repairs. i think the only thing he probably has to get taken in or buy replacements of are his shoes. everything else he can usually fix on his own.

makeup: Does your OC wear makeup? How often? What kind? Why do they wear makeup, and do they like it?

yes, all the time. jailbird always has some level of black eyeliner and eyeshadow on. it's heavier in costume, blacking out the space around his eyes, but he wears it all the time. he just likes the way it looks.

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

the magen david eugene gives him quickly becomes very important to him. aside from that, it's his fingerless gloves. never seen without them.

change: Has your OC ever drastically changed their appearance? Significant haircuts, big tattoos, complete wardrobe swap, etc? Why? How do they feel about the change?

nope. not really, at least. in the epilogue, he's old enough to grow facial hair, and he starts wearing short sleeves. and grows his hair out some. but he's still the same old jailbird. he feels neutrally about it.

alternate: What would your OC's alternate universe look be? If they're a fantasy character, what's their modern look? If they're sci-fi, what's their fantasy look? What AU would you want to see your OC in, and how would they dress themself? Bonus: Prompt an AU!

i've mentioned before the concept of the vey in tremont, which are a type of superhero predestined to die a violent, brutal death usually as a result of their own powers or hubris. when initially writing the basic concepts of new blood, especially for the characters, i considered making jailbird vey, and then decided against it for a number of reasons (mostly because i felt that in jailbird's case, it would lean too heavily into capital punishment), but it's sort of stuck with me ever since. i think it would be a lot of the same, except as soon as jailbird realized he was vey, he would construct and detonate a nuclear bomb.

if i had to put him in any other genre, i think he'd be funny in high fantasy. specifically in any kind of dnd setting. oh man. he'd be the world's most annoying warlock.

while i was typing this, you sent me this message:

and i need it to be known that he would absolutely be like that chris fleming bit about how the stranger things cast are going to convince jimmy fallon to deface an orphanage.

[pixiealamode]

I've been writing some "micro fan fics" to help with my writers block and I finished this one today! Please give a read if you have a spare moment. It's mostly dialogue so you'll be finished with it fast.

Dial One for Idiot

"Heya Sammy," Dean tried to breathe through his nose as he paced around his two bedroom apartment.

"Hey what's up? I'm about to go grocery shopping. Eileen is coming over tonight and I don't even have ketchup for the burgers i'm making. " Sam jangled his keys as he locked his door and trundled down the stairs.

"Burgers huh? You must really like her to break your no red meat streak."

"They're turkey burgers Dean."

"Gross dude. That's nasty."

"Is there a reason you called or are you just calling to insult my healthy life style." Sam huffed.

"So remember Cas?"

"Yes Dean, your room mate of five years and my best friend. That Cas?"

"Yeah so... I asked him out."

Sam paused in the stairs, blinking rapidly. Had it finally happened?

"You what?" He asked for clarification. He sat down on the dirty linoleum staircase in between the first and second floor.

"I asked him out, on like a date. He said yes! Sam where the hell do I take him?" Dean sounded like he was at the brink of terror. The inflection in his voice varied between excitement and pure fear.

"What if I fuck this up and he never wants to see me again. What if he moves out? What if we're not even friends after i fuck this up." Dean was near breathless now.

"Whoa whoa, hold on. Have you told Cas any of this?" Sam spoke softly, Dean had always had the emotional bandwidth of a teaspoon, this was probably a wave of sensations he wasn't familiar with.

"No..." Dean grumbled. "Why would I tell him? I don't want to worry or upset him. Or make him think I don't want this."

"Cause you do want this? Right Dean?" Sam encouraged, like the good little brother he was.

"More than anything. I mean he's perfect. Hot, smart, sarcastic, and so god damn funny. I mean you know how long I've been holding on to this torch."

"Maybe if you tell him you won't fuck shit up. Right?"

"Uh- fuck I may already have," Dean stage whispered. "Heya Cas, Im just on the phone with Sam. Oh yeah I'll put it on speaker."

"Hello Sam, it seems Dean has told you about our date tonight,"

"Hey Cas good to hear from you. Yes he did."

"Did he also tell you that he's an idiot?"

"Ha, yeah he did Cas."

"Can you please," Sam very clearly could see Castiel shooting Dean a particularly withering look. "Tell your brother I've been in love with him for five years and that he won't fuck this up because I won't let him?"

"Really Cas?" Dean interjected.

"Yes you Assbutt. Get over here." There was rustling and the distinct noise of someone slurping. Sam assumed it was a kiss, he HOPED it was just a kiss.

"Gross guys come on! I'm still on the phone." Sam rolled his eyes and stood up from the stoop. The crisis seemingly averted.

"Bye Sam!" Castiel called out before Sam could end the call. Sam chuckled to himself and continued on with his day.

[bloopdydooooo]

LORD PRESIDENT RASSILON?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING RASSILON GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT LORD PRESIDENT OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING RASSILON

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT RASSILON I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP WEAPONS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM OFF IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said lord president rassilon's waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down

if i have to deal with rassilon speaking one word in person on voice in show not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

i dont even know why i hate him so much. he rules gallifrey. but i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of war crimes and wanted the irl version ill go ham

BETTER have had the untempered schism make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him

paypal.com/IFuckingHateLordPresidentRassilon

episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his war room and I lost it

where the fuck is rassilon if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt

crusty old man

ill punch rsssilon and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final order he kept on him at all times that simply says Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddish

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

i hope theres a date given for when rassilon died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true weapons

i am actually gonna print this and put it on my wall this reads like poetry to me

[faeriesuns]

I have 3 different fans on going all at the highest option and j just puked everywhere bc it's so fucking hot and im desperately cleaning but I just cleaned that up and I'm back st cleaning lmao ♡♡ atleast I hadn't cleaned the bathroomyey

bathroom yet

Stepdad came home from work. Saw me cleaning. Laughed. Put his dirty ass lunch dishes in the sink. Put out hamburgers and seasoned them. Put nasty ass raw meat packages n ahit in the sink. Did not, in fact, put anything in the dish washer even though it's empty. I went down there and cleaned that up even tho I already cleaned the ducking kitchen

I am legit going crazy

It's fuckin hot and nothing is helping hehehe I'm going to fuckin die I can't have my legit germaphobe grandmother in this house if it's dirty!!!!@ why the fuck am I the only one who cares

[funkygaypeopleinmyphone]

Its currently 6:16am and I'm on the toilet in the hotel bathroom while all my roommates are eepy cuddling (i was too it was great but i'm stupid ans booked my flight too early) and after tonight, i get it lol. I get why furry cons and fursuiting is so fun and frankly, addictive. Time to spill my guts out here lmao

Ok so for context i've been a furry for a while, like 2 years plus. But i was always in a weird spot about like going to conventions and fursuiting and all that "oh im not one of those weird furries who dresses up as a neon colored wolf in public." Granted I've also always never really cared for being too social beforehand and liked being a homebody. However obviously something has to change and that was when i got a lovely invite to go to megaplex 2023 with some online friends

Let me tell you this convention was an absolute trip. I picked some amazing roommates and a good con to go to, even though its in florida (blegh) because I was pretty much always having a great time. Having a good mix of experienced and unexperienced people helped to tame some of the newbie awkwardness without taking me out of my comfort zone toooo much. Did quite a bit of partying (though not to the same extent as a couple of our experienced roommates but being left out didn't cramp my style :3) and got to know some awesome people

One thing that really did it for me though by far was just being around people where i could be myself. Like there wasnt any pressure to fit in and be a certain way besides yourself. Sure dont be overly "weird", however you want to define weird at a furry convention, but besides that one caveat it was just so relaxed. I got to dress how i want and just let myself flourish. Everyone should have this kind of environment, its so incredibly good.

Now i meam what about suiting? Whats so good about putting on a big heavy suit of synthetic fluff that you can barely see out of and is hot asf and so on? Obviously its not a physical comfyness, like wearing a really nice set of PJs (though they can be hella comfy) but rather, a sort of comfort in ones own skin. Its dressing up yourself in a new way that better fits who you want to be. Being trans I vibe with this IMMENSELY and trying out some other people's stuff, yeah it really solidified a lot of feelings I already had. Like putting on the head and really just, feeling the character you are now. Moving past being just your human self and moving into someone new. Or maybe its just who you are truly and being more of "i am this." Idk everyone vibes with it in a different way.

A big thing was phantom touch, a feeling that people get when they get touched somewhere that isn't actually their living breathing feeling body. Its incredibly common in those who've lost limbs, but its also really prevalent in vr settings (i.e vrchat) and obviously in suiters. Like there are lots of people who feel people touching their suits and feeling it like its their actual skin, its pretty insane. Our brains are amazing little masses of meat that are capable of the unthinkable, to the point where someone entirely detached from you besides a visual and audio representation of someone played through basically a couple screens strapped to your face can result in you feeling someone else's touch. Something something touch starved something something human brains are very predictive and pattern seeking, but whatever who cares about the biology when it feels so damn good.

I was already transhumanist before convention, major fan of protogens and all that (what i wanna be a cute ass robot that'd be awesommmme) but what really got me was just putting on someone else's furry head while on things I'm not stupid enough to post online about and fucking woah, it was so eye opening. Just putting on the mask and like, BEING them was entirely different than anything else. Sure I played tons of vrchat and loved the avatars I put on and vibed with them. But this time I was really feeling it and was able to exist as someone much more like me. Sure not perfect, but it was enough that I really connected with the experience.

Yeah the fuck did i just type out, eh whatever im having a good time :3

[khodorkovskaya]

20.08.23

lots of things to tell you guys!

crazy church drama! the girls are fighting!!!

lucien is in montenegro and im jealous

i got skinnyshamed at a buffet

i went to a really interesting presentation about eco-architecture

mum's birthday

so number 1. father emilian was looking rough today, he was all sweaty and not looking his best. but i was like me too king, i wore a linen dress and sweated all over it and it was v visible and v embarrassing but hey it's 38 degrees today who cares.

but anyway yeah, he was looking rough.

and at the end when he was giving his little speech he said that something happened that touched his heart to the core. apparently someone created a different orthodox parish and he was not invited! someone literally opened another orthodox church and doesn't want to be friends with him! i mean its giving martin luther.

so basically someone created a ukrainian orthodox facebook group. and it's all against the law and it's all heresy and they sing the ukrainian national anthem during mass. and father emilian was like "brothers and sisters in christ, why do you hate us?" and he had to take a break during his speech cos he started crying. and i was like oh my god the girls are fighting.

and he was like "yeah, we're friends with the ethiopian orthodox church. we're all brothers in christ despite our skin colour and we're friendly. and these guys didn't even invite us. we should all be friends!" so yeah he was very upset.

but then again, not that i don't trust father emilian. but he's a bit of a drama queen. so i wonder what really happened behind the scenes. and he's not russian himself. so like. whats all this drama about then.

anyway, yeah. dramaaaa

2. would you believe it, lucien is in montefuckingnegro! yeah! where my father lives! that would be such an epic crossover omg.

and here's the thing. i have a conspiracy that it's all his wife's plan to spite me.

because look.

when lucien and i went to skating camp she was really upset. their whole divorce drama thing started because he paid for me to go to skating camp. and we like went together and met his parents and all. and she was really upset and rightfully so.

when i was there i filmed a music video to "sanjam" by lepa brena. and lepa brena and i go way back. i am her number one fan, i love her, she's my queen. and i love all the turbofolk girlies, i know my balkan herstory. like. budva is my 2nd home okay. i have a deep and twisted relationship with the balkans. im not a fake fan, you know?

so i posted that music video. and literally last week lucien's wife starts posting turbofolk girlies on her story. she posted seka aleksic with the caption "need me a retreat in the balkans" and girl come on, thats what i would post!

and two days later, guess where she is??? at the seka aleksic concert in budva!

like girlie just discovered turbofolk and now she's touring the balkans. im not saying she did it to spite me. but like i am the number one balkans fan, okay? a balkanboo if you will. and it hurts to see others living your dream.

anyway, im happy for her i guess.

3. so we went to this event organised by a political party. and they had a buffet with like salads and meats and cheeses and stuff. so i was there with my plate and the lady serving me looked at me and said "oh you must be vegetarian" and put salad on my plate. and i was like huhhhhh??!!?!?,,,

what's weirder is that she's a medical professional apparently. like. come on im not that skinny. so yeah i didn't say anything, except like "haha no, could i have some meat too please". but panda wanted to tell her off.

4. so yeah about the political party event, there was a presentation about eco architecture and it was so fascinating! i sat there with my mouth open. like it was so interesting. it was about how we can build energy efficient and even energy positive houses and it's cheaper that way too. and the guy also talked about the golden ratio and geobiology and i was like oh my god is it too late to be an architect i want to be an architect.

5. it was mum's birthday yesterday! we went to yvoire in france and walked around and had dinner there. i ate so much omg. it was so good!

[imgonnagetkilledbynutstink]

"All we know is jeans"

"Actually none of that fur is from animals... its all from... mustaches"

"I think her name could just BE Melissa"

"How could you do this to me? I was your loyal apple servant... and you turned me into a danm sword"

"This is my loft, it is also a prison"

"Lets just turn the ethnicities up. He is all ethnicities all at once"

"Its like his mustache has a mustache riding in it like an exo suit"

"A FULL FACE IS JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED. IM DAZ... HOLY CHRIST"

"HES A HUMAN LAVA LAMP"

"I dont wanna smell what ive been doing" "on the coartz... did you say course? On the corch" "on the kornk" "out on the gro- out of the jeolf gortch"

"Did not golf!... failed to golf!"

"We can give this human boy an icecream paint job"

"Im gonna teleport you to the no crime Dairy Queen"

"IM ABOUT TO DAIRY QUEEN THAT THING OUT OF THE FUCKING SKY"

"I feel like this character has changed... now hes not so much a crime stopper as he is a dairy queen salseman"

"YOU THREW OFF THE ANGLE OF MY DANGLE"

"MOVE YOUR GIANT PIZZA ASS"

"We need a name" "how about New America" *names it Good America* "perfect"

"Im gonna put some flames on this ass eyed dog"

"Im the sequal to dogs! I need your eyes, fat slug!"

*gasp* "theres a good boy" "there's my good boy!"

"We're taking a new approach to minions... what if they were horrible and had no eyes... bæñåņã"

"What i like about him most is that hes looking up at god"

"THE LEGS DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO IT"

"Its like you got nipple suspenders"

"I don't think it should tell me if i do or dont eat boy"

"IM GONNA SEND THIS DOG TO SPACE"

"No one should have to behold that" "nooo... not me, not you, not god"

"WAIT CAN WE GET AN IMMEDIATE REPLAY ON THAT CAUSE IM PRETTY SURE HE JUST EXPLODED MY WIFE"

"Heres the shrek sex scene youve always wanted but that dreamworks is too afraid to give you"

"THIS GAME IS GARBAGE FROM A TOILET"

"Oh that scamp... he tried to kill our baby again"

"We can say one of them is Shrek, one of them is Fiona, and one of them is Shrek's brother... Garje"

" did you just say my friend TO-TO-RO??... My dad Totino" "my niece garbanzo"

"Who is pigeon?" "Im sorry, who is pigeon!?" "Who is this???"

" I MISS MY ARM BONES... *misses at frisbee* SHIT... i blame that one on the lack of bones"

"Shes gonna turn that Fresca into biking energy"

"This is inconvenient at bathroom time"

"If you see guy, call the pervert police"

"This is a hot topic toilet mistake"

"It dont know cant" "it simply dont know cant"

"JUSTIN HES PUNCHING ALL MY BLOOD OUT"

"Got to go make my bed and then go do a murder"

"Oh jesus" "oh boysers"

"I heard there was a deempis party going on"

"Now take a look at those peepers and then you tell me..."

"Fast food... you have head... AIRPLANES"

"AH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK. CYBER BALKI???"

"Guess what? Ill turn you into a fucking baby if you're not careful"

"No thats the crime frog!"

"Well with every piece of meat that i eat, i dont want to have to stop and be like... did this guy write a book?"

"How many 4 arm woman persons do you know?!"

"STUNK IN BOPX PLEASE... low on nups"

"Can i hit you with Riddle Me Piss?"

"Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one and down did come, hickory dickory dock. What am i?" "A mouse?" "No dumb shit!" "What is it?" "... the guillotine!"

"400 HORSE POWER WOULD DESTROY THE GALAXY"

"Now why would you let us change the fin color? You know what fin is made out of. Its made out of the rest of him"

"right now I'm trying to fucking nose-scope a rhino out of the sky"

"i like that. kind of a hair diaper"

"no Justin, you're not a wrestling fan, not like me, a real wrestling fan- you gotta grab the orb! you have to grab the orb. it's the secret"

"is this what you think of west virginny i-in-ins?"

"are people still sixty nining out there?" "not... legally"

"the gaME CRASHED- TODD DAMMIT"

"that slime burger's in hell, and that's the fucking dalema"

"non negotiable means nothing to you, Griffin, don't act like it does"

Mcelroy quotes

"OH GOD OH FUCK HES GONNA EAT MY BONES" "YOUR TOUCAN BONES"

"Toucan Dan the spooky badooky toucan man"

"Listen kids, people are gonna try to give you guns all the time, but theyre no cool. Listen to Toucan Dan. Chili dogs"

"I wish we had lorenzo music on call" "i think he passed away" "... i wish we had lorenzo music on the planet, then"

"WELCOME TO THE STARSHIP FUTURE TIMES"

"I come for you in the sleeping hours!"

"Is he your son or your husband?" "My sonsband"

"Can i be strong?" "I think you are strong" "no i need to be stronger... like king of the universe strong"

"Gonna put you in this prison toilet... cause thats what you are, you're a stink man" "garbage boy" "garbage boy stink man"

"She looks like a human goldfish"

"No eyelids??? WHY IS THAT AN OPTION!? YOU NEED THOSE"

"Hey whats going on in here??" "NOTHING, TRASH HULK. ME AND METAL HUSBAND ARE COOKING YOU A MEAL WHICH I WILL FEED YOU IN BABY BOTTLE CAUSE YOU. ARE. MAN. BABY"

*types in "pam the existence eater"*

"COME TO ME MY SHAUN-STER"

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY VERY LITTLE HUSBAND!?"

"Hes not my love child anyways. My love child is like, a can of peas back at home"

"HES LIKE A ROTTISERIE CHICKEN"

"HAVE YOU BEEN TO MY FOREST OF SONS??"

"Did you literally do anything to trigger that?" "I tried to turn everyone into dogs and i get why the game wouldn't like that!"

"HONEY I SHRUNK THE YOU"

*types in "set underwear to no"*

"The force of these things being birthed from my womb is gonna push me through the ceiling"

"HES LIKE A HUMAN BOTTLE OF OLIVE OIL"

"I want his soul in a jar so i can put it on my desk"

"OH... YEAAAAH GHOST DAD"

"My boy Stevo's gonna drink an alligator's weener"

"Please stop throwing me off if tall shit"

"Having been recon- dont- pit- stop- throw- dont- throw- if you- dont- stop- throw-"

"You're on some next level shit. I gotta start throwing my children"

"Great bones, man" "thats a high quality set of bones in that goblin"

"You ready to make some genuine wrestle boys?"

"My perfect baseball son"

"I CAN SEE HIS MOUTHY MOUTH GUMMY WORKS"

"Aw beans, i look like a real goober"

"Thats true... thats a real good point griffin, i guess ive never blamed god for rats before"

"Holy shit... LOOK AT RAT BABY'S MADDEST HOPS"

"I dont knwo what you want me- i goofed up very good"

"This isnt my grandpa's Dark Souls" "no its your grandma's Dark Souls if your grandma is a witch that hangs out behind the Arby's"

"Hey dude? Your desk is pizza. Like, i dont want to tell you how to do your thing... but your desk is pizza"

"That movie is piss... that movie is piss. End of sentence, end of thought"

"It looks like you're falling into a portal that is a man"

"Hey guys, its president Obama. Ive been watching the entire time, and no"

"Thats my hero wood"

"He looks like a skin diaper"

"Like if Bill Nye amd Bill Nye had a baby with a mushroom. What would that look like? And the answer is a sad dinosaur"

"JUSTIN, THE BLOOD DINOSAUR IS BACK"

"I cant believe i have to play this normal!"

".... HOW DID THAT GIVE ME MORE PANTS!?"

"Youve taken me to two sex dungeons amd this is the worst place youve taken me so far! Its full of demons and it crashes my computer!"

"Im gonna get some poppy corn" "no we cannot stay here" "im staying and im getting some fucking poppy corn"

"Tonino's, i was possessed by the bad chair"

"I think these two people are about to have sex- should we go? Should we go? Should we go? Should we go? I just shot myself off the space station"

"I just clicked on your wings and it asked me if i wanted to finger your wings??" "Where are you?" "I think im in hell?"

"Theres so much nudity in Second Life! Its like 🎶everywhere you look there's a breast or three🎶" "🎶on the same person🎶"

"Oh god the anime vagina's back... its right next to a place called Muddy Country"

"I lost what makes the boy mayer a boy mayer... now he just kinda looks like a man mayer"

"I hope thats not disconcerning for them... to see a skateboarding pizza man and a trash boy"

*types into chat "pizza crime is eternal"*

"I just made myself kinda a boy hat?" "Well the good news is, now she has a reason to drink"

"WHATS UP EVERYBODY, I THINK DOGS SHOULD VOTE"

"I just told them i think its so progressive that they let skateboarders in and they booted me"

" ive made kinda a pizza party prison- like a personal panned pizza party prison?"

"The music is actually so loud im kinda having a panic attack" "to southern country?" "Yeah"

"I simply cant" "you can't?" "Not with the Bart"

"Someone has a sign with trump holding all the chaos emeralds"

[jeanmoreausautismstickers]

my marauders headcannons <3

Remus Lupin

heterochromia. I don't care what the films say this man has two different coloured eyes tyvm. the left ones dark brown, nearly black, and the right is a light shade of amber.

DYSLEXIA !! my dyslexic little mate we can match. he absolutely adores reading but it takes him longer if he doesn't use a spell (ty to MsKingBean89 for the spell idea mon ami(e))

hEDS. me too king

cat lover. he absolutely adores cats and sirius gets SO jealous. I think he absolutely owned a cat at some point b4 he started teaching and he dotted on that cat

wears elastics on his wrists (specifically during hogwarts for sirius and lily, but kept wearing them after out of habit </3)

Sirius Black

hard of hearing. I think he probably lost it cos his mum hit his ears or screamed so often at him in close quarters. he'd definitely be vv resentful over it too cos now he's not able to listen to music much

audhd fr. this man was definitely neurodivergent but he must be just like me and be autistic and have adhd cos yh

he whined. loads. not like whinging but like genuinely high pitched whines when he was frightened or upset, kind of like Enid from Wednesday

adored kids but was terrified to have them because of how his mum was

this is gonna be controversial but idc. this man absolutely fancied Remus when he was shagging women, but at one point dated Marlene and Remus at the same time. it's ok tho cos Marlene was kissing Mary on the side

James Potter

vegetarian. refused to eat meat after he became an animagus because it felt cruel, but ESPECIALLY wouldn't eat deer jerky ("it's practically cannibalism, padfoot!")

mama's boy through and through !! this man LOVED his mummy. told her all about his friends and Lily

taught Sirius how to treat people and house elves better when they were first years. you can't tell me this man wasn't the reason sirius wanted to improve himself

he fought w sirius a lot. im sorry I love them both but brothers fight and like. even found family brothers. sirius is the most petty bitch you cannot tell me that James didn't get annoyed or frustrated with some of Sirius' habits and didn't begin arguments over them

so bad w kids until Harry. he was absolutely terrified of them, cos he never had interacted with them much before he had his own, my man Sucked at babysitting and frequently panicked whilst lily was pregnant because he was scared he'd be a bad parent

Peter Pettigrew

#1 James fan. my guy didn't go anywhere if James wasn't going to be there

become You Know because of his jealousy of James and Sirius' friendship

aroace fr. absolutely Disgusted w the amount of PDA by jily and wolfstar

tried to protect Harry for as long as he could w out being suspicious. he still loved James and Lily, and their son, and was just too scared to fight back at You Know Who once James and Lily were dead

a whole virgin, never even tried getting with anyone before he realised he was aroace

Lily Potter (Evans)

actually thought the Marauders were pretty funny but put on a face because of being friends with Snape

a whole pansexual queen

bought everyone in Gryffindor Christmas gifts, or if they were Jewish/Muslim/any other religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas she'd figure out when their holiday was and got them gifts

first person Remus came out to. and she accepted him immediately because she knows what it feels like to be an outcast

so autistic. her special interest was absolutely Jane Austen books I take no criticism <3

Regulus Black

hated his mum just as much as Sirius, but actively tried to conform because he was too scared to be hurt by her

was angry with Sirius for running away, even if he understood why Sirius did it, it still hurt him immensely. that was his older brother, the only one he could talk to, and when he left, it broke off the little bit of familial love he had left

in love w Barty Crouch Jr. I DO NOT CARE. platonic my aSS they were boyfriends, but they hid it very well. absolutely such a healthy couple before the war though. got together when they were 13 or 14 by accident, and stayed together until Reg died

actually really enjoyed being called Reg and Reggie, but pretended to hate it so he wouldn't be perceived as weak or soft by his mum

chess fucking champion

Marlene McKinnon

the flirtiest person you'll ever meet. flirted with everyone but was actually an aromantic lesbian

loved her family unconditionally, and constantly was going home on weekends to help her mum before she died of breast cancer

hated school, she was dyslexic and never told anyone so everyone just thought she was a dumb blonde

half Japanese, but her biological father left when she was a baby, so she wasn't really in tune with that part of her culture.

got bullied in primary school for being the "only dumb Asian"

Mary Macdonald

the most supportive person you'll ever meet

helped the younger POC in Gryffindor take care of their hair properly, and absolutely was like an older sister to all the young girls

not a mean bone her body

muggle born, but she grew up with a friend that had a wizard father so she knew about magic before Hogwarts

terrified of dogs, except for Padfoot, because of being bitten by one when she was in nursery

Dorcas Meadowes

a lesbiannnn. she was in love with Pandora, and they dated for a while before she decided she was done with the Wizarding World and cut contact with everyone

slytherin, but she was friends with everyone

loved Quidditch

oh she was a Pureblood but her parents died when she was young and she stayed with a squib aunt til hogwarts

took muggle studies and would hex any Slytherin who made fun of her for it

Pandora Lovegood (Lestrange)

a Lestrange until marriage

terrified of Narcissa and Bellatrix, but was one of the bridesmaids at Bellatrix's wedding

Ravenclaw, but best friends with Dorcas, Regulus, Barty, and Evan and was hardly if ever in her own common room

she ADORED muggle musicals

her and Dorcas met in a Care of Magical Creatures class in third year and immediately became best friends

Evan Rosier

really homophobic outwardly but was in the closet (for a HOT minute)

flirted with girls constantly

super protective over Pandora and Dorcas

had the worst penmanship and Regulus and Barty both refused to help him with homework because of it

managed to be the only Slytherin who sucked at potions

Barty Crouch Jr.

gay little lad with gay handwriting

LOVED cats. this man was the BIGGEST cat lover I do not care im right ur wrong. absolutely adored them

had a little sister who he was really protective over, she was in Hufflepuff and died during her 4th year which is what made him follow Regulus into joining up w the Death Eaters

daddy and mummy issues for days. bro never had a civil conversation w them

he absolutely beloathed Walburga and Orion Black when he found out what they did to Regulus, but obviously never said anything about it

[roughentumble]

A Comprehensive List of Henry Cavill's Movies And TV Shows, And Whether I Personally Think They're Worth Watching

**Updated and current**

as requested by the oh so lovely @fangirleaconmigo

obviously take this list with a grain of salt, as im just one man, and i certainly have my biases. and even if something is in the "not worth it" section, if something about it intrigues you, feel free to totally ignore my advice! sometimes the best evenings come from watching reportedly terrible films, and one of my favorite Henry Cavill movies was summarily panned by critics and audiences alike. that being said, let's start with the stuff i didnt like.

NOT WORTH IT:

Red Riding Hood

----> Available for free on youtube, and yet still not worth your time. Poorly made, often unsettling, with bad music (in a musical of all things) and children forced into racist caricatures. Very funny if you want to watch Henry Cavill suck on a lollipop and get punched by a farting werewolf, however.

Vendetta (A.K.A. Laguna, A.K.A. Hotel Laguna)

----> Technically semi-competent... I suppose it's a mob movie? Also his film debut! But it's largely boring, and the entire film hinges on a sexual relationship between teenage Cavill and an older woman. Genuinely and deeply uncomfortable when she fondles his bare chest, and it's inescapable how much he LOOKS like a child in this film. If I never see a teen that young kiss an adult again, it'll be far too soon. *shivers in disgust*

Sand Castle

----> A war movie, and not a very good one. While I commend it for its attempts at an anti-war message (a very "why are we even over there" vibe), that doesn't make the movie less boring or more watchable. Those who love war movies didn't like it, and it wasn't anti-war enough to seduce the likes of me.

The Tudors (TV)

----> I think my mom summed it up perfectly when she said, in reference to her attempts to sit through season 1 and questions of why she bothered, "there was less on TV back then." (She never made it into season 2, by the way.) It's like the other historical dramas of it's ilk, so if you go crazy for those feel free to give it a shot, but even among its peers it's kind of not great. From the era where showtime really was putting an eye-rolling amount of sex in their shows, so get ready to be accused of watching soft-core porno on the family television like I was.

That being said, a lot of the sex scenes are Cavill's, so if that's your poison, this show'll keep you well fed.

Night Hunter (A.K.A. Nomis)

----> Apocalyptically terrible writing and editing. The performances the cast gave weren't bad, and the camera work itself looked plenty nice, but anything good to be said about the film is dragged down by the foundation itself being utterly rotted. Maybe good to put on to mock... when you aren't confused or bored to tears.

Hellraiser: Hellworld

----> It breaks my heart to say it, because I did find joy in this odd little film, but it's so genuinely bad that I would be a liar to place it anywhere else on the list. Campy and fun in places, but largely just boring, slow, confusing, and BAD. Not a real Hellraiser movie, not enough gore to appease horror fans, not meta enough to be meaningful while still being so meta it drags you out of the story. Genuinely the ending doesn't make sense.

If you're wildly in love with Henry Cavill, you'll love Mike. I love when he gets hooked in the chest and dies, the "sweet cheeks?" line is iconic, his zombie look is adorable. I'm getting a tattoo of the meat hook from this movie.

Do not watch it.

.

MAYBE? I GUESS? I'M NOT YOUR DAD, I CAN'T CONTROL YOU:

Immortals

----> Some technically interesting work here, some nice fight choreography, and a unique visual style to the film. And yet it has such a blandness of performance across the board for all its actors, and such a confused and thoroughly Christian approach to what was supposed to be a story about greek myth, I could never recommend it to anyone. (Since when does Zeus "not interfere" in the lives of humans???) Just enough style points to eek it's way out of the "no" pile.

Whatever Works

----> Whatever Works is a Woody Allen film. This is enough to make it a controversial choice on its own. Certainly one of his lower quality works as well. Henry Cavill as Randy was a delight, however, so give it a chance if you watch Woody Allen movies! Not as bad as I thought it would honestly be, and again Cavill was really good as Randy, but I can't really in good concious put it in the recommend section.

Tristan + Isolde (2006)

----> Billing itself as an alternative to Romeo and Juliet, I mostly found the film to be boring, and I thought James Franco was a bland, boring lead. Other performances in the film were good (especially Rufus Sewell as Marke and Sophia Myles as Isolde), the movie looked fine, it just... was boring. Watch if you're an absolute sucker for this kind of period drama, otherwise skip it.

I Capture the Castle

----> I was deeply unkind to this film when I watched it. I didn't exactly go into it expecting to have a good time or with much of an open mind, which potentially colored my experience. I... didn't have a good time watching it, to be frank. But perhaps if you go into it with a kinder outlook, you'd enjoy it more. A film about love's many forms, how it often hurts us, and it's utterly illogical nature. If you bother watching it, I hope it's kinder to you than it was to me. Perhaps you'll even agree to walk with it through the bluebells, who knows?

.

DEFINITELY WORTH IT:

Stardust

----> Not really "a Henry Cavill movie", as he's only in it for a few minutes, but the film is an exceedingly fun fantasy romp that's well worth your time. It's something of a cult classic for a reason.

Count of Monte Cristo

----> Excellent adaptation of an old classic, delightful watch. Cavill as Albert was wonderful, Jim Caviezel as Edmond was fantastic, and the ending made me genuinely gasp and sit on the edge of my seat. I didn't expect to love it, and yet I absolutely do!

Argylle

----> You don't get a whole lot of henry cavill for your buck, but it's a fun goofy spy film that you could easily watch with the family! Sam Rockwell is also there, as well as Bryce Dallas Howard, and theyre both fun to watch. Ignore the fact the special effects look like they spent $12 on them, and allow it to just be a fun time, and it'll treat you right!

The Cold Light of Day

----> Nothing mindblowing, and Sigourney Weaver + Bruce Willis give shamefully bad performances. And yet, Cavill is a charismatic lead, the chase sequences appropriately thrilling, and it's overall a perfectly servicable action movie. Grab some popcorn and make a movie night of it, IMO.

Blood Creek

----> Another perfectly servicable film. Not blowing any minds, but fun while it's on. Unfortunately, the plot relies heavily on Nazi mysticism (a personal pet peeve of mine), and some of the CGI leaves something to be desired. But still, at its heart it manages to be a very fun horror flick, if you're into cheap horror like me.

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

----> This is... a flawed movie. And it's extremely hard to recommend when Armie Hammer is so unintentionally frightening in his role as Illya. And yet, the intro sequence is so FUN, Cavill as a thief is so delightful, I'd be remiss not to recommend it. Fun little spy romp!

Mission Impossible: Fallout

----> It is a Mission Impossible movie. Not much more to say, you either love them or hate them, but they know EXACTLY what they're doing, and they have it down to a science.

Enola Holmes

----> A great time all around! Go into it expecting it to skew for younger audiences, and you'll have an absolute blast. 13 year old me would kill to watch this movie. Millie Bobby Brown was great as Enola, and her relationship with Cavill's Sherlock genuinely tugged at my heart, because I am deep down a huge sap.

Enola Holmes 2

----> Ditto! Same as the first, just as worth your time!

Lynley Mysteries & Midsomer Murders (TV)

----> Lumping these two together, as they're both one-off episodes of long-running, competently made, british police procedurals. The episodes are definitely worth a watch, though I can't speak to either series as a whole.

The Witcher (TV)

----> Obviously divisive among long standing fans of the series, and not without its flaws (S2E2, jfc), but ultimately for all my bitching, I'm a TWN stan, and Henry Cavill's Geralt owns my heart. Also probably the reason you're reading this list, so I don't feel the need to expand all that much.

.

YES, THE DC MOVIES GET THEIR OWN HEADING:

-> *long, beleaguered sigh*

-> ok so, like. ok. how much do you like superhero movies? how much of your life are you willing to devote to a zack snyder production that spent half the time setting up plot threads for a large expanded universe that the execs very suddenly pulled the plug on? how little do you love yourself.

-> jokes aside there are redeeming qualities in these films, and if you really love the characters i'm certain you'll find value in some of them.

Man of Steel

----> Despite my very real and present complaints about odd tone, too much illogical lip service paid to the armed forces, a runtime that makes me want to start throwing punches (Just skip the first 20 minutes exactly. They do not matter. They do not add anything), a sterility to the script, and lack of care or acknowledgement given to civilian lives (something at the heart of superman and present in THE AVENGERS, so to do worse than the avengers is pretty egregious)... IT'S STILL a decently fun and entirely servicable (apologies to Mr. Cavill for how many times I use that word in reference to his films) superhero movie. I like Cavill's Clark Kent! I like his little bouncy curls, and I like how much he loves his momma. Superman is fun! He's my friend. MoS worth it, if you can find it in your heart to spare 2 and a half hours for it.

----> VERDICT: WORTH IT

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice: Ultimate Edition

----> Don't bother watching anything other than the Ultimate Edition. It's the only one you'll find half the time you're looking for the film, anyway. This film, to me, is the sink or swim moment. Tooth-grindingly long, and more of what you got in Man of Steel. It's-- ok, I didn't like the Christ allegory, but that's also blatantly Zack Snyder's entire thing wrt Superman, so I can't blame the movie for being exactly what it said it was. If you can get through this movie and enjoy it, then the rest of the DCEU films will be a breeze, and you're now officially A Fan. If this movie is a slog that makes you wanna die, do not bother with any other DCEU films, this is the point where they're officially Not Your Thing (said with affection, not derision). Despite all my complaints, Superman is my best friend and I think about this movie constantly. Wonder Woman is the best. Clark STILL loves his mom(yay!!!). The fact they decided to tackle doomsday+the death of superman as their plotline for this movie is so fascinating to me that I'm giving them points for sheer audacity.

----> VERDICT: WORTH IT, KIND OF, BUT FEEL FREE TO TURN IT OFF AND NEVER WATCH A DCEU MOVIE AGAIN

Justice League (Joss Whedon's Cut)

----> *rubbing my temples* Everything within me screams to tell you not to watch this abomination of a film, because of Joss Whedon's obvious and blatant racism and sexism, but it is admittedly much shorter and a bit easier to follow if you're not a fan of Snyder's style or you're not a big comic book person. Whedon made reshoot decisions that removed the black character Victor Stone, A.K.A. Cyborg, from prominence in the plot. He was arguably the(or at least a) main character in Snyder's version, and Whedon cut his scenes extensively, and then added extra scenes to make Batman the protagonist instead. Not to mention adding in scenes of a slightly sexual nature that Gal Gadot(Wonder Woman's actress) refused to film, which he then got a body double for and digitally added her face in post. BUT!!! But. I must admit. 2 and a half hours versus 4 and a half hours is an appealing cut-back in length, and some people find it difficult to follow Snyder's exposition-heavy style. Plus there are a few added scenes of Superman which are genuinely adorable, if very short. If you're a fanatic, watch both. If you just want to watch one version... Well, I would recommend Snyder's, but weigh the pros and cons for yourself.

----> VERDICT: WATCH IT IF YOU 1) LIKE DC FILMS BUT 2) AREN'T THAT INVESTED, AND 3) ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SHORTER OR PERHAPS EASIER TO FOLLOW. IF NONE OF THOSE CONDITIONS APPLY, DON'T WATCH.

Justice League (Zack Snyder's Cut. Also knows as "Zack Snyder's Justice League")

----> Genuinely unforgivably long. Zack Snyder, I don't forgive you for the length of this movie. AND YET I personally had a total blast with it. Coming hot off the heels of Whedon's cut, seeing Cyborg more fully fleshed out was like a dream come true, and some of Whedon's trademark 'humor'(which these days I find grating) is thankfully lacking. I personally find it to be a better movie, a better showcase of the characters, and all around more fun, but I had also innoculated myself against the strain of long Zack Snyder superhero movies by doing marathons of his other DC films before diving into this one. Also the film has a lot of references to future plotlines which will never fully make sense, because they were sequel set-ups for movies that never got made. Those parts are... hard to sit through, whether because of confusion/boredom or the heartbreak of knowing you'll never get to see that movie which doesn't exist(depending on your emotional investment). For some reason this film is split up into like 5 or more different "chapters", and I theorize that you could watch one chapter a day like it's an episode of television if you need to not watch it all in one sitting, and you might get a better experience out of it that way. Superman is here and he's still my friend! He still loves his ma soooo much! There's a super fun scene with his heat vision!! Wonder Woman and Cyborg and The Flash and Aquaman are here!

----> VERDICT: THIS IS THE VERSION I RECOMMEND IF YOU'RE SOLD ON WATCHING THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, BUT I WOULDN'T BEGRUDGE YOU IF THE RUNTIME SCARED YOU AWAY. WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS BETWEEN THIS AND WHEDON'S CUT, AND WATCH WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE DC MOVIES PLEASE DON'T MAKE YOURSELF WATCH THIS.

Zack Snyder's Justice League: Justice Is Gray

----> Literally just Zack Snyder's cut of the Justice League, but in black and white.

----> VERDICT: PLEASE DEAR GOD DON'T WATCH THIS IF YOU'VE ALREADY WATCHED THE OTHER ONE. IT ISN'T WORTH IT. DON'T SPEND FOUR HOURS OF YOUR PRECIOUS LIFE ON "THE SAME MOVIE BUT IT'S BLACK AND WHITE NOW"

.

CHEAT FILM:

I must admit that, despite saying I've watched "everything" Cavill's ever made, I've only seen clips of his performance for the following film.

In Goodbye, Mr. Chips, he only has a 5 minute apperance. It seems a good enough movie, I suppose, but I couldn't bring myself to sit through hours of TV movie for 5 minutes of Cavill, especially not when his scene has been politely uploaded to youtube. His scene was moving, despite the fact I experienced it completely disconnected from the rest of the film, so make of that what you will.

..............

..........

......

...phew! ok, that's everything, i think.

feel free to disagree on any of my placements. also feel free to watch night hunter and then come yell in my inbox about how it sucked, because i am constantly shouting into the ether about it and no one understands my pain.

i hope this is helpful for anyone interested in watching some hcav movies but not sure where to start... i suppose i am now some sort of authority on the matter, though i didnt intend to become one lmao.

im very excited for his upcoming roles, both in the romance The Rosie Project, and in the rumored Highlander film. not to mention an Enola Holmes sequel (!!!) and..... Argylle, which i will make myself watch because i am now committed. hopefully i can find some way to distract myself from his truly terrible hair... though i never would've started my marathon if i hadn't been disgusted by his haircut in Argylle, and then immediately wanted to see him as a spy with GOOD hair. so i suppose i have to thank it, which i will do by sitting through the whole movie. thank you and you're welcome, mr. cavill (EDIT: it turned out great 10/10, yay!)

if anyone likes this enough or cares, i can update it to include more henry cavill movies as they come out! <3

[haztory]

𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐤 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝. (1)

--iwaizumi hajime x f!reader; fake/pretend dating, mutual pining, third year characters, confident/no-nonsense reader, puppet master oikawa, ocassional cursing, other than that no warnings!

--summary: Iwaizumi Hajime was more than content to not be at the receiving end of the hordes of fangirl's attention. 

But when they all suddenly devote their time and love to him, he can't help but quickly want an out. It's Oikawa's suggestion- a good one at that. Get a girlfriend to scare them off.

And what better than use you, Iwaizumi's best friend with a long standing crush on him, to play the role.

a/n: this is my first haikyuu fic! i did not expect it to be about iwa considering im a huge daichi simp, but that’s what listening to bubble pop electric by gwen stefani and browsing through pinterest does to the brain, ig. please let me know if any characters are too ooc, as im still trying to get them down.

other than that, enjoy! messages are always appreciated. 

(w.c. 4836)

masterlist | next chapter

Iwaizumi Hajime was hand sculpted by the gods, the entire female student body deduces with fanatic agreement one blessed afternoon. His shoulders are broad, skin rippling like waves breaking on rocks under the movement of his muscles. His stomach is firm and taut with the lining of his abs and his pectorals are considerably large enough to have every single girl in attendance foam at the mouth. And as he raises one— bulging — arm to wave sheepishly to the widened eyes of the crowd, his thick and veiny hand on full display, a collective moan is heard throughout the building. It has the poor boy ducking his head downward even further. 

The fundraiser arranged to cover the expenses of the volleyball team’s traveling to away games exceeded its initial goal (that of which the all-female led student council was greatly responsible for) resulting in the entire team parading themselves around the cafeteria as a reward for the students’ commitment to the task. 

Shirtless.

And while attention from the female population has usually always been paid to the star setter, Oikawa Tooru and all of his addicting charm, his absence in this mouthwatering and delectable ceremony has allowed for the ace and vice-captain of the Seijoh Volleyball Team to shine. Oh, and shine, he has. 

Within a mere five minutes, the fiercely devoted and militant fanclub belonging to Oikawa has suddenly converted— briefly, they insist— to the groupies of Seijoh’s Vice Captain: powerful ace, leader of offense, total hottie. 

The attention increases tenfold from that point on. Suddenly, Oikawa is no longer the only one receiving love confessions numerous times on a daily basis (much to his chagrin), but instead is sharing the spotlight with his best friend, who is more than uncomfortable with the unexpected shift in notice. He was never ecstatic at being labeled as ‘Oikawa’s number two’, adamant that he was his own entity despite the intricate intertwinement with his best friend, he was, in fact, totally fine with never being hounded by girls at every minute of the day. Sure, the attention would be nice, occasionally. 

But this? This is outrageous.

This is the tenth girl today to have stopped by his locker, a pink flush encompassing her face as she sticks her hands out to present something to Iwaizumi. It’s tupper ware, decorated in a pink bow with his name written in cursive on the top accompanied by some cute glitter stickers. That would make this the fourth container he’s received this morning, and as much as the whole act fills him with a deep dread and hesitation, he doesn’t have the heart to reject her gift. Especially when her hands are shaking so hard and she’s stuttering every other word out. 

So he puts on the standard smile, the one that he’s seen Oikawa pump out a hundred times a day but fails to meet in equal warmth and charm, and thanks her graciously and sincerely— even though he’s not that big a fan of milk bread and this is the third one he’s going to have to shove into his locker. 

He bows to her with an awkward smile, “Ah, thank you, uh…”

“H-Hina!” she shouts, her hands slapping upward towards her mouth after the outburst. The pink flushes deeper on her skin, and Iwaizumi has to wonder what exactly is going through the air for a girl to have this kind of reaction to him. He hasn’t changed, hasn’t developed a new attitude that should have girls swooning at his feet. He’s the same as always, stubbornly so. He is Iwaizumi Hajime, hardass, avid monster movie watcher and the usual second thought. He supposes he should feel somewhat elated at the long-awaited recognition, but he can’t shake off the feeling that this is all incredibly unwarranted. 

It's a surface value attraction. They're not really swooning for him, just the idea of him. That stings a bit more than he’d like to admit.

“Hina,” he affirms with a gentle nod, bowing his head in gratitude, “Thank you for the treat. I will, uh, treasure every bite.”

He doesn’t mean it to be anything charming (because he’s not) nor even remotely romantic (because it’s not), it’s just what he comes up with at the top of his head, but Hina starts to shake and a watery smile spreads across her face when she hears it and he knows he’s made this whole thing much worse. Before he can even awkwardly ask if she’s alright, she bows hurriedly again before running off with a shriek. 

It's then that he’s sure Oikawa is one sadistic motherfucker because there is no way anyone mentally sane could take that reaction as a compliment. There’s an intense guilt that settles in his stomach for the rest of the day for causing a girl to tremble like that. 

Curse the student council for that stupid fundraiser award. He would much rather walk to every away game than have to go through another day of this. 

He opens his locker again, placing the container in there amongst all the other ones and the numerous handmade cards declaring affection. He closes it with a sigh. He can only hope that this phase of adoration is reaching its end. 

Quickly.

**

It does not end quickly. 

It's month three of endless confessions and Iwaizumi is about to lose his mind. Word spreads about his favorite kinds of teas and sweets (which he is sure Oikawa is directly responsible for) and his locker starts to resemble a mall kiosk more than any part of school property. The outside is decorated with stickers and taped with more love cards and he’s pretty sure someone found out his combination (again) because there are balloons floating out of it.

It's a circus. One that Mattsukawa and Hanamaki repeatedly laugh about every time they see it. 

He would like to indulge in the acts or at least make some kind of peace with the situation, he really would. He’s always fantasized in passing about the pride and specialty one must feel at being the center of female attention, having seen it and thwarted it first hand from Oikawa’s fans, but the longer this drags on the more fraudulent he starts to feel.

How can he enjoy his favorite foods when the girls giving it to him are blinded by a false idea of him? They’re not genuine, and if he accepted them, he would only feel like a bad guy, taking advantage of poor girls who haven’t got the slightest clue about him. Because Iwaizumi doesn’t have the million dollar smile like Oikawa does, nor does he have the oozing charm and commercial personality. 

He’s hard, and stubborn, and less inclined to entertain bullshit— the complete opposite of shitty-kawa. So whatever perception these girls think they have of Iwa, they’re wrong. and he can’t accept gifts from these girls who think they love him, when in reality, he’s the furthest thing from what they assume he is. 

“Why are you so adamant to believe that what they feel isn’t real? What's so ridiculous about liking you? Hmm?” Oikawa sings with a laugh one afternoon, the whole team crammed into the club room as they change out of their practice gear. the other guys snicker at Iwaizumi’s dismay, the usual frown painted on his face is permanently etched deeper into his skin and he knows they’re all getting a sick enjoyment from his torture.

The constant reliability to the chaos Oikawa brings is now subjected to his own taste of havoc. And he’s absolutely miserable. 

In all of his stubborn self-sufficiency, he’s refused to even indulge the guys with a verbal complaint, simply grumbling at the gifts before moving on with his day. Intent on dealing with this problem on his own and prohibiting himself from being a burden to anyone else. 

But he’s off his a-game in practice and the crease between his eyebrows is now a persistent feature on his face these days.

“Because it's not real,” he grunts, throwing his sweaty shirt into his sports bag, “They don’t like me.”

Hanamaki snorts from across the benches, a wide smile on his face as he unlaces his shoes and sings, “They only like him for his bodyyy.”

“Can you blame them? Who would ever like Iwa for his personality?” Matsukawa joins him in snickering, earning a killer glare from the victim in question. Not helping. They only laugh harder. 

“So what?” Oikawa questions amusedly, ignoring the sarcasm dripping from the other two third years, leaning his body against the lockers as he watches his best friend ripple with frustration. A constant sight these days.

“So what?” Iwaizumi turns to look at him, incredulity furrowing his features as his friends look at him like he’s grown a third head for being reasonably uncomfortable with this, “It's weird. They’re giving all of these nice gifts to a guy they barely know and they all look at me like a piece of meat.”

“God, girls objectifying you? The horror.” Mattsun torts again, earning a water bottle thrown at his face.

“So what?” Oikawa laughs again, the kind of laugh that reverberates around the room and rings a little too loudly in his ears. He’s heard this laugh thousands of times over the years, coming out to play when Oikawa is far too keen on putting Hajime as the butt of a joke. The mockery is clear in his voice, bleeding in the two simple words yet weighing like a hundred. He can usually take it, dish it back with equal fervor to his best friend, but this time around, he can’t. 

This whole mess of a situation sits heavily on his shoulders and for the first time, any attempt to just barrel through a problem like he so often does seems pointless to Hajime. Because no matter how much he ignores, no matter how often he declines, the girls will continue to only see Seijoh's ace. Not Iwaizumi Hajime. 

He sighs. He doesn’t know what he was expecting in venting to his friends. Validation if they were any nicer, but deep down he knew it would take a different trajectory. 

Maybe they’re right; Maybe he is blowing this out of proportion. Maybe he should just accept the gifts, enjoy them while he can because the girls are choosing to do it. They’re not being held against their will, nor is anyone really being hurt by these peculiar circumstances. It's, theoretically, a win-win.

It doesn’t stop the pit in his stomach from sinking even lower when he sees girls stop their chattering in the hallways as he passes. It doesn’t stop the overwhelming feeling of disappointment he feels when he notices they stare at his biceps before his face before dashing away. 

 Matsukawa shuts his own locker with a grumble, “Must be nice.”

“You wanna take my place, Issei?” iwaizumi turns to look over his shoulder, meeting the mischievous twinkle of the middle blocker. 

“Yeah man, I do. Girls at my feet everyday bringing me food? That’s every guy’s dream.”

“Yeah, if every guy was a piece of shit like you.” The words tumble without second thought and Hanamaki finds himself clutching his stomach with laughter at the retort. He doesn’t mean to direct his anger at his friend, but it seeps into his words anyways. He’s lucky they’re good enough sports to take it in stride. Even if the twinkle in Matsukawa’s eyes dims and he grumbles a “shut up” while he slaps the back of Hanamaki’s head. 

He knows a solution— or sympathy— won’t be offered in his venting, adamant that this is something he needs to solve on his own, but he can’t help himself. He just has to get it out. “I can't even go to class normally anymore. There’s always a girl waiting for me.”

His back is turned towards his friends as he folds his gym clothes into the open cubby, but even despite the absence of his facial expression, the other three sitting near him can hear the exhaustion in his voice. Much as they might tease him, they’ve sat front and center to the slow decline of Hajime’s sanity and comfort as he was thrust suddenly into the spotlight that he was ill-prepared for. He’s laughably out of his element, but his plight is severe enough for all three of them to occasionally step in.

Hanamaki and Mattsun have had their fair share of instances in which they’ve had to redirect of a horde of girls hounding at them for Iwaizumi’s location, telling them that they had no idea where Iwaizumi could have gone when in fact, he was hiding in the clubroom. And while they would’ve been more than happy to send them his way just to watch him fluster and stutter, the two friends knew the momentary laugh wouldn’t have been worth the further depletion of Hajime’s confidence and happiness. Iwaizumi wants this attention to be for something genuine, for something that he was directly responsible for and can be proud of. Not something as surface value as an attractive body. 

Truth be told, all three of Seijoh's third years want to help him as much as Iwaizumi wants this to be over. But just like him, they have no idea what to do.

Hajime sighs again, “Don’t even get me started about when I’m with (Y/N). You think stalking is bad? Try having to deal with evil glares too.”

Scratch that. They have one idea.

The mention of the ace’s other best friend, the one that they’re all too familiar with, has all of Seijoh's members perking their heads upward in interest. A lightbulb going off simultaneously as they all share a glance with one another. Hanamaki looks up to Oikawa who looks to Mattsun who looks to Hanamaki. Their eyes darting between one another, telepathically asking the same question.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Hanamaki and Mattsun finalize their answer with a hard stare at Oikawa and smirks on their faces. They both give a long nod to their captain and like the well-oiled machine the Seijoh Volleyball Team is known to be, a plan is formulated and put into action before anyone can blink. 

“Oh?” Oikawa prods, taking the initiative. His grin is suddenly more wicked than before, “How so?”

Iwaizumi notices the subtle change in tone in the conversation, can hear the smile in Oikawa’s words, but he doesn’t think much of it. Simply attributing it to the mention of the beloved figure they’re all acquainted with. He can’t blame them, finding his own mood has tipped upward at the mere thought of you. And while he has apologized to the moon and back for inadvertently getting you involved in this nightmare of a situation, there’s a resounding comfort he feels at knowing that there's at least one person on his side. One person that is willing to trudge through the mud with him, regardless of how often they complain.

Because whatever happens to him happens to you, you insist. So if he has to deal with a hundred fangirls, then so do you. 

He plows on, airing out his struggles and frustrations with his newfound attention. “They’re always staring at us, making the whole thing uncomfortable when we’re just hanging out. (Y/N) even told me she once got cornered in the girls’ bathroom during lunch.”

Oikawa gasps, always enthralled with any juicy gossip, especially on the rare occasion that it involves you— his beloved, headstrong, annoying other best friend. “What did they say?”

“Some weird shit about staying away from me, like I was their property.”

“And what did (y/n) say?”

Iwaizumi laughs, a genuine one that has been missing since this whole ordeal began. He turns to look at his friends, the smile reaching his eyes and pushing upwards on his cheeks. If they weren’t sure of their plan before, the happiness on his face was enough of a push to solidify it. The happiness that only someone specific can bring out. “It's (Y/N). What do you think she said?”

Oikawa, all too familiar with your personality and deviance from the norm since age ten, huffs out a laugh, “Hmm, let me guess, something about doing whatever she wants with whoever she wants.” 

“No, actually, she—” 

You’re washing your hands in the sink of the bathroom when you hear a cough from behind you. Looking upwards into the mirror, you are suddenly confronted with the reflection of six girls circling around you.

A groan tumbles out of your mouth. You knew something like this was bound to happen, jealousy always emerging victorious whenever girls were thirsting after a young man. You just didn’t think it would be happening so soon, only two months into the fanatic obsession with your best friend. It’s your fault really, you should’ve prepared for a moment like this to come. But as they all shoot daggers into your reflection you can’t help but recognize how woefully dreadful this is.  

You'd kill Hajime for inadvertently getting you into this if he wasn’t already feeling so guilty about it. 

Each one stares at you with an intense fury, and while you’ve never considered yourself to be much of a fighter, you’re mentally preparing yourself to throw a couple of punches in this cramped bathroom. You won’t win, six against one is hardly a story of triumph, but you’ll be damned if you get intimidated by this raging group of hormones. 

The faucet stops, with almost impeccable comedic timing, and a silence emanates throughout the area. It's awkward, painfully so and their silent stares are not helping.

“Uh… Can I help you?”

The one in the middle (the leader, you assume) stands with a hip jutted out and her arms crossed. You’ve seen her in passing before. Her eyes narrow at your question, “So, are you two dating?”

You have to force yourself to not roll your eyes. Of course this is where this was going. Because God forbid anyone have friends of the opposite gender. Indicator number one that the interest of these girls was superficial, considering if they even really had been interested in more than the prospect of having access to Iwaizumi’s body, they would’ve realized that you’ve been in his life for a lot longer than he’s had any redeeming qualities— including those rocking arms of his. 

You won't entertain this, something you’ve been adamant about even if Hajime has insisted you don’t , especially not when it's causing Iwa all this grief that you’ve had to comfort him through time and time again. 

“Who’s asking?” You all but bark back, patience wearing thin.

The one to the right of the leader— Pigtails, you’ve taken to calling her— scoffs and stomps her foot, “We are, obviously!”

Patience is below the ground now.

The left one, the one with pink hair, speaks this time, “Iwaizumi won’t even talk to us for more than a minute but he lets you hang around! So, if you’re not dating you have to tell us!”

“Why?”

“So that you can help us get closer to him!”

“Yeah, no.” you respond curtly, feeling rather nauseous at the lengths in which these girls are going just to get his attention. Cornering his friend and doing a piss-poor job at intimidating them into coercing them for information about him. No wonder Hajime's been feeling so depressed. 

Taking the piss out of him used to be fun, something you and Pikawa could share profound pleasure in, but now that it's at your front door and reeking of death, you’re quickly realizing just how much you owe that spiky haired idiot. 

You grab your bag that lay at your feet, turning to face the six girls with a mirthless smile despite the hatred burning in their eyes.

“Good luck with… whatever it is you’re trying to do.”

You’re almost out the door when the leader, who has puffed out her chest and taken a step forward  blurts out, “If you’re not going to help us, then you better stay out of our way.”

There are few people in this world that you’ve dreamt about punching. Oikawa has made the list a couple times, but that’s only when he’s being particularly obnoxious. Iwaizumi has too, usually when his hard headedness has conflicted with yours, but even then the situation is usually better within the next hour. 

But this girl, oh this girl, she has made the top of your list in record time. And you highly doubt she’s coming off of it anytime soon. And now that you’ve gotten a good look at her, you’re starting to remember exactly where you’ve seen her before.

You raise an eyebrow at her intimidation, “Or what?” 

(You have to pat your back for that one because you really sound like the scary third year you’ve always dreamt of being.)

She doesn’t falter in her misplaced confidence, a smile pulling at her lips, “If he’s not yours, then he’ll be one of ours soon enough. And I can promise you, every boyfriend I've ever had always dropped his girl best friends when I asked.”

“Uh huh,” you glance at your watch that shows there are only fifteen minutes left in lunch. Might as well start on your meal now.

You pull the backpack slung over your shoulder in front of you, unzipping the large pocket and pulling out a familiar container. The girls gasp when they see it. 

It's pink and has a little cat design on the front of it. Very cute and very distinct. You pop open the top, grabbing the milk bread that lies inside with your left hand and holding the lid and the box with your right. The lid is tilted forward, granting all the girls clear viewing of the cursive ink that lies on it.

The name is clear and the handwriting incredibly recognizable. The leader’s mouth gapes open.

You take a bite out of the treat, a dramatic moan escaping your mouth. You point at the girl, “Mm. You made this right?”

She doesn’t answer. None of them do. They only stare with wide eyes.

“I remember seeing you give this to Iwa this morning. It’s really good. He's not a big fan of milk bread, so he’s been giving them to me but I’ve enjoyed every single one of them! Although I am getting tired of eating the same thing over and over. So, if you’re taking suggestions, try Agedashi Dōfu. It's Iwa’s favorite.”

You lick your lips to make the point clearer. A gentle reminder of your place and their lack of one in his life. They seem to get it.

“Right then. Bye ladies! This was fun! I’m sure Hajime will be thrilled to hear all about it.”

Iwaizumi finishes recounting the story with a childlike wonder, meeting the furrowed brows and agape mouths of his friends with a joyous smile. There’s an unmistakable twinkle of affection in his eyes, one that he must not even realize is there. But it's noticeable, and his friends recognize it.

It's the same look he always gets whenever he talks about you. 

It was mean of you to humiliate those girls like that, he knows, but his smile when recounting the tale is more than indicative of his true feelings behind the action. He briefly lectured you about it after you told him, insisting that it was important to be nice to these poor girls who didn’t know any better, that you begrudgingly agreed to, but he thinks about it often. Thinks about it at practice, in the middle of class, and every time he sees you.

He didn’t know how he felt about it, but from the way it warmed his cheeks and filled his chest with a weird lightness, he knew he was ultimately appreciative of the action. Honored that you would stick up for him unapologetically and protect him from unassuming teenage girls.

It shouldn’t be much of a surprise. Were the roles reversed he would do the same for you in a heartbeat. But still, he thinks about it. A lot.

“I haven’t seen those girls since, but I have been getting a lot more Agedashi Dōfu, so I guess that’s a plus.” He shrugs his shoulders in nonchalance returning back to the contents of his locker but the remnants of a smile plays on his lips. 

“Well, how ‘bout that?” Oikawa coos. He steps closer to Iwa, placing his hands on the ace’s shoulders and giving them a good natured shake. 

“I think I have the perfect solution to your problem, Iwa-chan.”

**

“You want me chu do wha?” you ask, mouth full of milk bread as the boy in front of you conveniently avoids your eye contact. 

It's the seventh container he’s handed you this week, and while your little incident has quickly diminished the amount he usually receives, there are still the occasional stray containers with the sweet that he instinctively hands to you. 

This time it came in a purple container. No outlandish designs or stickers like the other ones, but there is a written poem on the top comparing his eyes to the dirt of the Miyagi mountains. You suppose that’s romantic, but your leniency only goes so far. Particularly when this poem has no clear rhyming pattern. 

You’ve long since passed the point of guilt for eating all of the treats that were clearly not meant for you. Hajime was much too conflicted with the gifts to even consider smelling them, so it serves as a solution to the problem to just give it to you. He doesn’t have to worry about maliciously taking advantage of these girls and you get food. 

Win-win.

And while you’re not that into milk bread (having eaten it almost everyday for the past couple of weeks), your consumption of it seems to give him some peace of mind. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. And really, that’s all you’ve ever wanted for him.

But this is going too far.

Swallowing the last piece of milk bread, you look up at the idiot from your place on the bench. He stands in front of you, hands shoved deep into his pockets and shuffling from foot to foot. 

“You’re joking, right?”

This is a joke. It has to be. There’s no way the world would be this cruel to you.

His eyes remain averted, his thumb and index finger pinching the bridge of his nose as if it would wake him up from this endless nightmare, “Look, it’ll only be until I can get these girls to back off of me a little.”

“No.”

“Wha— (Y/N).” He breathes out, a twinge of desperation and pleading seeping into his voice as he finally looks into your eyes. He doesn’t know what he expects to see, but the pure and unadulterated seriousness is not one of them. He’s almost convinced to drop the subject altogether. Almost.

“Whose idea was this?” You practically growl out, closing the container and cleaning your surrounding area of any stray crumbs. You thrust your hand outward, shoving the container his way. He takes it from you without question.

“Does it matter?”

“Whose?”

“...Oikawa.”

Of course it was. “I’m gonna kill him.”

“(Y/N),” he says your name more forcefully. It’s the same tone he uses with Oikawa when he’s being whiny. It's enough of a bite to have you stop rearranging your items for a brief moment, meeting his determined gaze with one of your own. He stares intently, eyes unwavering in their silent plea to make you understand.

That’s the worst part about it. He’s serious, and he’s confident that this is the only way to solve the problem that’s been plaguing him for the past three months. 

If there's one thing you know about Iwaizumi Hajime, it’s that he’ll solve any problem on his plate and won’t stop until it's fixed. He’s responsible to a fault, refusing to burden others unless absolutely necessary. The fact that he’s viewing this to be the only solution and actually trying to persuade you is indicative enough of how desperate he is. 

Even more so indicative of how truly fucked you are, considering you’ve already made a decision before he even explains further.

Damn him and that hard head of his. 

Damn Oikawa for knowing what he does and still dragging you into this mess. No doubt he was thoroughly enjoying this.

“Will you please be my girlfriend?”

Damn that student council and their stupid fundraiser for getting Iwaizumi Hajime, the boy you’ve been best friends with since you were ten and had a crush on since you were thirteen, to ask you to be his fake girlfriend in order to thwart off hordes of fangirls. 

Damn you for already having an answer before you can even think twice.

Iwaizumi Hajime was hand sculpted by the gods, and they were all laughing at your expense now. 

end notes: whoop there it is. let me know what you all think! should i keep going? should i say fuck a degree and major in iwazumi hajime? idk man im about to.