#Im here I exist LOOK AT ME TALK TO ME
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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Sketch of Anduin's trauma.
#world of warcraft#anduin wrynn#varian wrynn#Do you ever see pictures of you from your past#when you were young and happier#and wonder where they went?#what happened to you#I need you back with me#I need you to help me#Wish you could reach out of the picture and tell me kind words that would fix everything#But you are me and I am here and sad and broken and I can't talk to you as you once existed because all that is left of you is me#Wondering how you would handle this pain but you arn't a different person and you handled it like i did which was bad#Its weird to look at pictures of me as a kid and I was sooo good at smiling into the camera and showing teeth and i just looked so confiden#And now i just. hate pictures taken of me. My smile doesnt include my teeth#and it is still my true smile#im told its not but it is#anyway#wanted to work on this more but i couldnt figure out how i wanted shalamayne to rest in mawduin's arms#Or if prince anduin's hand rested over mawduin's face or under it
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got visually spoiled on the literally last thing i was still actively missing and working towards in totk but i dont think im gonna like it anyway ...
if it is what i think it is, and what it looks like to be, its just yet another nail in the coffin (or however you say that) as to why the lore sucks in this game even tho it had such good setup and so much potential
#ganondoodles talks#totk spoilers#tagging it as such bc im gonna say my current thoguhts about it here#again its just visually and i havent seen the text to it yet#so please dont say anythign about it#but#im 100% certain its the reward for all shrines which i dont have yet#and first of all it looks dumb as shit#and second of all its supposed to be the ancient hero in the tapestry isnt it#the zonau got their grimy hands on that too dont they#the thing that was such a cool mystery all this time got solved just like that isnt it#nintendo saw us theorizing about gan being the ancient hero and thought oh gods now we cant give him nuance quickly invent some zonau excus#however that makes sense since they were supposedly long gone by the time the first calamity happened#which still happened even with the time fuckery going on since the tapestry still exists and the last guardian remains#tho it doesnt look quite like a zonau but more like some creepy ass unholy mix of a lizard and gerudo#im gonna wait with my final judgement since i havent read the text yet#but it for sure isnt motivating me more to get all the last 50 or so shrines#i regret finishing the underground first so much man#all you get is a you did it sticker#literally#should have done the shrines first so at least i couldnt get spoiled on that still#im guessing its funney reference or whatever#some mysteries are better left unsolved#didnt want to rush and get all shrines in a hurry and isntead explore it on my own since the exploring part and world is what i love#aside from the music#but i guess i gotta do that now#actual shrine hutning stream incoming i guess#:/
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The rise of "let people enjoy things" is single handedly the backbone of the rise of anti intellectualism
#i need to talk about this#disclaimer : im beyond terrible at putting my point across#so with that being said let me attempt at it#let's take look at the hate and misogyny women receive for liking a certain genre of books#that is so often simply countered with let people enjoy things#but we cannot let that narrative take over a whole as if critical thinking is “bad”?#booktok has made it so that disliking a popular books makes you the person with the superiority complex who should just let people enjoy-#-things#but when did criticizing actively target audiences who like that peice of literature? When did that become the narrative?#its all mindless consumption without a second thought to the actual material which can easily be credited to the tropification of books#the enemies do turn into lovers and the best friends do fall in love 10 years down the line#classifying books into tropes and then fulfilling that promise gives books an illusion of being “good” since it checks those boxes-#-that the reader picked up the book for in the first place#the act of reading has kind of been substituted by the act of being a reader and just owning stacks of books#we have turned away from any form of analysis or criticism#if it scratches the itch then its automatically the perfect book without further thought#i cant help but contribute the mere existence of that “itch” to how mordern books are classified into tropes with set plotlines#intelligenctualism is almost always looked at as elitism#reading only classics doesn't make you an intellectual individual but looking at any book with a critical lens may it be a classic or a rom#-com does#criticizing certain aspects of your absolute favorite books is intellectualism and not bullying people who like anything but classics#that distinction is so far lost in translation that talking about how a popular book is objectively bad is being a “hater”#well then im a hater#this is not a hate post for people who actively enjoy booktock or the more popular books#im just trying to introduce any amount of nuance into the conversation thats all#i can honestly go on forever but i think ill end my ranting here#literary criticism#literature#books#anti intellectualism
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💖
#you all thought my vent post meant i *wasnt* going to be sappy but you were wrong >:3#i do have the self control not to semd random dms like im drunk texting or something LMAO#but i just.#you mean so much to me.#i may be slow (or nonexistent) with replies but still youre patient and share with me what you love#and i always want to see it#im always excited about it#i may be awkward in conversations but still you reach out and give me a piece of you and i cherish that#i love stumbling over my words and sending lame reaction images with you#i love laughing with you and singing with you and i think you have a beautiful laugh and a beautiful singing voice#i love reading your writing whether its fluffy and silly or indulgently angsty or bearing a piece of your soul#i am grateful for your kindness and hope you know it is appreciated#and even if we never talk im grateful youre here#im happy we exist in this space together in the spirit of art and community and kindness#or if we used to talk more or if we will talk in the future#my memory isnt good in some aspects but i Do remember people and their passions and their creations and their kindness#and so im grateful#💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#OKAY GOODNIGHT#rose rambles#oh i had a sappy line about art too that i accidentally lost but i love looking at your art!!#original things or fandom things or personal things -- it makea the world more beautiful
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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
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this idea that some ppl seem 2 have of miguel being an insanely jealous/possessive person is so funny 2 me because i just cannot even fathom where it came from in the slightest, lol, like... one of his Whole Things is respecting individual autonomy, y/k-? nevermind he also just. canonically doesn't fucking act that way,.,. yeah, obviously people can draw different wrong conclusions from the source material but, like, that Does Require at least skimmin' the source material... .
#talking tag#spider-man 2099#spiderman 2099#miguel o'hara#he does Stupid Stuff in relationships bcuz he forgets Consequences exist but he respects his partners as Adults Separate From Him. jesus#''Cap Why Are You So Annoying About The Characterization Of Your Stupid 90s Spider-Man It Doesn't Even Matter''#SHUT UP IT MATTERS TO ME#LOOK dude LOOK it doesnt matter but it does matter too because i decided it matters to me and that is the only reason anything matters.#everybody puts their love in Something it's not like the stuff ever Runs Out unless it's forced.#also comic fans Love nitpicking over Characterization it's our enrichment bloodsport of choice#but that's really neither here nor there. anyways.#if youre one of the ppl who followed me specifically for The Sick SM2099 Facts or w/e lol. CANT stress enough them selfshippers r lying 2 u#it feels like im making the same post every four days but SERIOUSLY THEY ARE JUST MAKING SHIT UP THRU THEIR TEETH.#if you want to know more about miguel. READ SPIDER-MAN 2099 (1992). IT IS A GOOD COMIC BOOK. HE DOES NOT SHOW UP IN A LOT OF STUFF.#some characters you need to read forty books for but NOT for mig you literally just have to READ his SOLO ......#*books as in Different Runs. not individual issues.
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I kinda like but dislike that Rumiko and Sunrise (and fans) have never even mentioned that miko (priestesses) are virgins. And that their shinto ability to tend holy places comes from being unmarried virgins. In modern day I guess it is not really required but I kind of wish more people analyzed Kikyo, the dark priestess, Kaede and Kagome in that light.
Personally I think that due to the era Kagome would not be allowed to remain a miko after getting married and having a child. She would still be one of course due to her spiritual ability, but I think she would no longer be allowed to remain in that societal role.
Kagome is so spunky though that I see her rebelling against it. I think Kagome's strength in being outspoken is another great contrast between her and Kikyo. While Kikyo was confined by society and was only freed from expectation when she became an impure monster. Kagome was outspoken and loud to where she didn't have much of a societal role and yet remained 'spiritually pure.'
There is a huge theme of 'societal expectation' in Kagome, Inuyasha, and Kikyo that I think being a miko is a part of.
Personally I'm torn on Kagome loudly choosing to get married and have a child VS remaining a Miko and Kagome choosing to attempt to do both.
More thematic headcannons in the tag below..
#i think due to translation issues miroku is a monk but not a priest#inuyasha#kagome#kikyo#Here I am analyzing way too much into a series that probably didn't think that much about this all#And yet.. I feel like there is meaning between Sota saying Kagome got married and Rumiko never drawing them kissing#i think cannonly kikyo and kagome are not the same person.. but i think kikyo would view that they are.. maybe#the strides against misogyny in shinto japan is very interesting to look at because it is so different from western misogyny#i saw that post going around talking about periods in the feudal era and im like.. bro women were ostracized in a hut outside the village#i didn't comment on the post but i did think about and analyze it#on how the dirtyness of being a woman is the same as the dirty blood of a hanyo or the dirty blood of the burakumin class#personally i think inu's class is similar to half japanese (the original hanyo written in gegege kitaro was confirmed to be based off of it#and rumiko could not have taken the coined term 'hanyo' without being aware of the influence#but i also don't think rumiko was thinking that much about the relation between the two#personally if it were me though i'd theme inu on the spiritual dirtiness of his blood rather than him being a half race#((((((related but i also headcannoned inuyasha as a bastard . a literal one#((and i also headcannon that hte name 'inuyasha' was not his birth name. it was a name given to him by the villiagers he stole from--#-- as a child/teen and he decided to reclaim the insult because he was what means 'dog monster' much more than the name his mom gave him))#i think it's strongly implied even that Inuyasha is a bastard.. i never see anyone analyze that.#to analyze that even if inuyasha was born a human he would still be hated for existing :''''DDD#my posts that i made
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You know that time in the comics when the Doctor is so depressed, he shuts off the lights, turns on an interrogation spotlight, locks himself in the console room, and argues with a bunch of judgmental shadow-figures resembling his past incarnations?
And all the TARDIS' lights go out and her interior becomes a maze to keep his companions out of the console room, all from her psychic connection with the Doctor (“moodbleed”)?
And his companions are left wandering in circles for two days as the air goes “stale,” not knowing where he is but thinking the worst, while he hallucinates in a dark room?
...because I'm thinking again about the times this definitely happened when he was with the Ponds.
#when they find him- Rory (one good nurse™) asks neutral questions to check on his emotional state while respecting his space#Amy knows when he's locked himself alone long enough to call River (fortunately Amy talks to her daughter often)#River can calm the tardis and go directly to the Doctor. she sits with him and nods when he rants. she tells him hes loved.#eleventh doctor#11th doctor#doctor who#words by seaweed#(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag#honestly same. I don't want anyone looking at me when im in that way because eyes are very uncomfortable lasers slicing my thoughts#so river doesn't look at him. she looks away and lets him look at her so he knows she's not looking at him. she also does active listening#the shadow-figures in this comic are beyond psychosis coded#emphasis: it isnt presented like some conference of past selves here (which the doctor can't just do anyway- see Power of the Doctor).#and the shadow figures dont have personalities anyway. the way theyre drawn is VERY psychosis coded (as is 11 this whole Si Spurrier run)#this is from Eleventh Doctor Year 2 Issue 3 (set between A Christmas Carol and The Impossible Astronaut) if anyone's wondering#note that he put on his comfort fez I love him#alice obiefune#poor Alice got drove up the wall from wandering in the dark for two days… I think Amy and Rory get to get used to it if they're together#eventually they work out a plan to calm the tardis enough to show them the comfy spot in the bunkbeds to wait and give him space#he joins them in their bunkbed for platonic snuggles. all in the same bunk. Rory doesnt mind. they make sure the doctor knows hes loved <3#I think- having been percieved as psychotic growing up- Amy would be conscious about making sure the doctor knows she still adores him#I really want this fic to exist
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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*through gritted teeth* what the fuck do people want from a resume
#this semester i've had three different people look at my resume and all three of them were like contradicting whatever the other person said#one said add references. the other said don't add references. the other said no add them back in#one said add color. one said only do black & white. one said no you should have color#also in terms of content they all differed as well like. guys i just want to get this fucking internship so i can get out of here#i appreciate the feedback but i think it's made me more stressed in the long run#alex’s inane ramblings#plus just now finding out im gonna need to do a fucking seminar probably in addition to my internship unless i want to do 4 credits of#internship. i fucking hate seminars. and it's taught by my advisor who i like. but he knows how fucking quiet i am and calls me out on it o#the daily. which gets on my fucking nerves let me tell you#im the most non-english-major english major to ever exist#don't make me talk. please dear god don't make me talk#plus in this seminar we would be writing a 20 page paper. on american romance lit.#sorry dr. phillis but that sounds godawful#and if i decide to do the seminar it conflicts with another class i need to take so id have to talk to my graphic design advisor about maki#a substitution#hell on earth. why the fuck is graduating so goddamn hard#i don't have enough credits to be staying an extra semester so i have to get this all wrapped up by december#alright im gonna shut up now. college is hard guys
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Hngnngng I think. I think we're good,
My funds for the month are drained but Alfie still has some as well as something like 1k on credit cards and. I know that's something that needs to be paid back but its so much wiggle room that I'm not used to
Like it's honestly frying my brain a little that I don't need to be constantly thinking about money this month. I still am ofc lmao but its...christ, I've been living so long with the certainty that I cannot afford my own existence. I literally do not know how to process the possibility that I'm covered
#im not. ready to beieve that we're okay#and...just *okay*. we still need to look for a new flat. we still both really need new jobs.#but even being Okay is such an outlandish borderline fantasy for me#im so afraid Something will happen and we'll have to beg again#and tbh im. i hate saying it like that i hate viewing it like that#cognitive dissonance of id never cast any judgement on other people seeking mutual aid but when its Me its Bad Somehow#im working on that too lmao becoming a well rounded person is a long ass process#i just...we're getting there. we're so close to just Existing and thats something ive Known for years id never have#tldr im feeling alot of thongs very weirdly rn and want anyone that reads this to know. Thank you.#i wouldnt be alive without the friendly folks on my phone#some of whom dont really even know me beyond what i vent on here#some of whom i absolutely neglect in talking to bc its So Hard so often#but yall have made it so i can just...exist. with the person i love.#we absolutely arent home-free yet but its...palpable. its something i can imagine being.#and that is a gift.#and i have yall to thank for it.#g o d i really gotta look into shipping stuff oversees soon#whole bunch of people vastly overdue for a Silly Little Gift
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tbh i feel like a couple of ppl are just weirdly mad and annoyed by the fact that i am not conventionally attractive but since i treat ppl w kindness and respect and understanding (a lot of) ppl still like me 💀
#it doesnt matter what you look like if you're a kind person#like even if most ppl find me ugly#if u have a heart of gold that sees beyond society and humanity's fucked up obsession with appearance#u will still be able to unlock the kind hearts that exist in this world#also humanity's obsession w looks is one of the reasons im misanthropic lol 😭#being obsessed w someone bc u think they're ugly just shows what a fucking loser u are. and that u need real problems...#but honestly thank u for reminding me to feel warmth in my heart for all the people who are kind and amazing to me on here#they're such sweet and beautiful souls and being reminded of that is just good so thank u#(but it's still weird and just cringe. ngl.. 😹)#and another observation i've made...#is that many of the ppl who have been rude and mean to me#have started being so after trying to talk to me. but since i have avpd im bad at replying#then when i dont give them attention or interactions they turn nasty...#so really it seems like they start disliking me bc i dont give them what they want from me. hmm.
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My druid has "fuckboy" written all over her
#speculation nation#shes a druid but she does Not look it. nor does she act like it really.#druid stuff exists to beef myself up as a front liner (spores druid ftw)#and to act as an excuse like 'whaaaat why r u so suspicious of me im a druid 🥺🥺🥺 i just want what's best for nature 🥺🥺🥺'#meanwhile here i am hogging ALL the worms we manage to find (or. well. most of them.)#bc im going full ham into my powers lol theyre so useful#this is a game of pressing Every button and seeing what happens. yet still going along the lines of good? approximately?#it very much does feel like the kind of thing a druid drow would do. willing to consort with the darkness#but still ultimately striving for peace and order.#i am just perhaps a little bug-brained to accomplish this :3#ive been playing a Lot of bg3. progressing well through act 2. everything is so very scary and i am just 1 druid 🥺#(i say as if i havent killed literally every single enemy ive come across. im so fucking good at this game.)#the house of healing was by far my least favorite part (so far). that boss battle was TERRIBLE but i managed to get through it.#according to my friends they just talked their way out of it. not me tho. i saw that guy strapped to the table and i was just like#'GET FUCKED BRO' *casts moonbeam* *proceeds to get the shit stabbed outta me*#holy shit he did so much damage. and he was focused ONLY ON ME.......#took me and shadowheart both healing to keep up with the damage he was doing (while astarion and karlach did most of the attacking)#but i did it! hes gone! but holy shit poking around his stuff has been so. eugh.#im in the towers now. so scary. just barely started them tho. gonna look for the prisoners and then proceed from there.#that ketheric dude is fucking terrifying. so big scared about him. but All Men Die The Same 😈#.....well maybe not exactly the same given his 'immortality' thing 😂 but i'll figure it out.#anyways yea check out taltana im going for a mixed feminine and masculine kinda vibes with her. and enjoying it very much.#bg3 spoilers/
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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Metalheads who don't like/respect Babymetal bc their "look" isn't, what? Traditionally metal? are so cringe. Like bro it's an alternative music scene we're supposed to say FUCK tradition????? What's wrong w y'all... Embarrassing
And also they are missing out bc Babymetal fucking rules
#its like pol who are like punk is only if you look like *this* and im like. you are asking me to conform to a societal expectation? in PUNK?#like what. the fuck are you talking about. NON CONFORMITY CAN LOOK LIKE ANYTHING. THATS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF NOT CONFORMING#yeah i dont always dress like a typical punk but thats bc the clothes tend to he fucking uncomfortable or a lot of work and i dont care#like why would i put so much effort into looking a certain way... in... a nonconforming alternative group... why would i conform... what#like the way you look doesnt fucking mean shit. a real punk is someone who actually fucking thinks and acts like a punk.#thats all that matters#punk ain't about how you look or causing random mayhem its a fucking. lifestyle. its a culture snd belief system about the world.#its about saying fuck you to the way things are if the way things are isnt fucking fair. its about community and taking care of your fellows#its about safety in numbers against a ruling power that wants people who are different to stop existing.#the mayhem is for a reason. its to say you cant fucking keep us down and if you try we WILL fight back. you cannot keep us down.#thats the POINT.#idk how my post about people being snobs about metal and missing out on good music bc of it turned into a rant about punk ideology but.#well. here we are. i have a tendency of going off on tangents in the tags.....#point is. trying to enforce a 'norm' in a non traditional alternative genre is fucking stupid and against the whole POINT of the thing#and i think it fucking DUMB that ppls get so caught up in appearances when its never been about that
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