#Illness from Within
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So... about this book...
In this post I talk about my own book "Illness from Within" (see the post for literally the entire plot) and I remembered that I have some old art for it!
So I wanted to share them with you. These characters may not look like this when I resume writing this story as I'm not really happy with the designs anymore. I like their overall colour scheme though, so that will stay.
Image: latest character design (2022)
Image: Cover WIP (2022)
Image: Very first character design of protags (2021)
Image Remastered and second character design of protags (2021)
And as I am talking about character design right now!
I'm currently working on the design sheet for my Spidersona (have fallen down the rabbithole of Into/Across the Spiderverse) and the Azar design sheet is onhold for now. It was nearly finnished but I didn't like her more casual clothes (when not in armor) and her like "farm/village" clothes. So that will take a while.
#important art defender#Illness from Within#own book#azar (oc)#so yeah#Aage is the 54 year old protag (he is a general for the queen)#Samir is the docotr (79)#and Levin is the sick one (22)#Mishka is a blacksmith but he is only a small sidecharacter
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me when i get the opportunity to think about speculative biology and non-existent game mechanics in media i like
⠀
#the candle creatures are revamps#i had created the idea for them years ago but i wanted to redo them slightly with new eyes#the “dark variants” of the mantas and birds are variants of them that have adapted for life in wasteland and the forests#and also#i like the idea of candle creatures that live in villages or within communities#that are sort of akin to strays that the whole community takes care of#means alot to me#this isnt everything ive been thinking about#ill make a couple diagrams about the large birds#yknow the ones from rhythm that we see once and never again. yeah.#they exist in my heart#anyway#skycotl#sky cotl#sky children of the light#sky#sky:cotl#sky: cotl#thatskygame#speculative biology#<- i guess?#im having fun ok#im happy to answer questions about my thoughts btw!#might be answered on my main if i cant muster a doodle or something#but i love answering asks#so if ur interested id love to hear thoughts :)
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this happens in the columbo world and not the magic lupin world where physics dont matter and lupin probably breaks all the bones in his twiggy body to slide out the prison window bars 😢 (original by @/hausofdecline on twitter)
#ur supposed to draw this when ur sad. ill be damned it did stop me from bein sad#sorry zenigata you have to keep your boyfriend within the lupinverse#he cannot exist anywhere else but the looney tunes world#zenigata#columbo#uncle columbo are they really gonna put my boyfriend on trial. hes just a small silly viciously evil egotistical criminal#he has done all those things and some even more unsavory stuff but also theres sumthin very importsnt u gotta kno about him. i love him#columbo : nephew we gotta follow the law at some point i mean you shouldnt have brought him for the holidays#doodle#nobody cares but i tried to make peter falks eye handicap ? issue ? more aparent out of respect
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Yk even before I heard/knew about Ford×Fidds I could FEEL the unsaid words in this scene.
The way everything just STOPS.
How Stanford, even after all this time, is still looking DOWN on Fidds. This time literally.
And then.
He slowly brings himself to his level.
And embraces him.
I am unwell.
#they make me violently ill#motherfuckers#these old men are so fucking gay#and yet nothing will ever be the same with them#never again#they will never have their happy ending#both of them came out irreparably changed#they are no longer the young college students they used to be#they are both older. wirey white and gray hairs and all.#one of which still struggling to regain normalcy after his FUCKING BRAIN IS DETERIORATING FROM WITHIN HIS SKULL#don't get me started on how the memory gun gave Fidds early Alzheimer's and he'll never recover#that's a post for a different day#but like.#you get it right?#you get it?#fiddauthor#ford pines#gravity falls ford#grunkle ford#old man mcgucket#old man yaoi#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#gravity falls fiddleford#gravity falls
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i'm rewatching tron uprising again for the first time in a while and I'd forgotten just how... graphic??? some of the violence is
holes punched in chests (multiple occasions)! a bisected guard dragging themself across the floor & trailing digital gore! a (failed) public execution where the prisioners are being pulled apart by lightcycles! dyson's caved-in skull! tron's entire fucking torture scene that was genuinely harrowing to watch! let's carve out his eye! let's carve out tron's fucking eye!
#n0t seri0us#Tron: Uprising#Tron Uprising#ngl I'm having a great time#and I will be forever sad that it got cancelled#u will always live in my heart tron uprising#also I keep referring to tron as 'chronic illness tron' because I was watching him go on his excursion in 'identity' and was like#'i bet he's going to have to rest up for a few days after this'#and then realised he & I were basically having the chronic illness/fatigue experience together LOL#so now whenever he's doing something major I'm internally like 'he's going to be paying for that later :( '#chronic illness tron my beloved#also i still have love for renepaige stored within me like a fine fine wine that's been expertly aged#this is my path & you cannot stop me from loving them
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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WAIT WAIT WAIT CHERIK MPREG IS CANON
i cannot stress enough how canon cherik mpreg is, yes my friend
#snap chats#i could elaborate in the main body but i cant distract from the epic statement 'cherik mpreg is canon'#ill elaborate down here tho LOL. not extensively Just Enough to provide context#anyways 90's run where erik's on his bullshit as per usual and at some point rips the adamantium out of logan's body#which causes charles to . how do you even describe what happens Like He Invades Erik's Mind To Get Him To Cut That Shit#cause this was just The Final Straw at that point#but the problem is while charles is in erik's mind. And I Quote. Paraphrase Whatever Its Been A Minute#'something implants itself within charles' and onslaught just kinda festers in the back of charles' mind for a while#and onslaught is basically just. every evil/dark/wrong thought charles has ever had + erik's rage and 'lust for power'#my exact memory of events gets hazy here but im p sure charles abandons his body for a bit which enables onslaught to take over#aaaand yeah we have that thing running around now. kinda. we made a pocket dimension to escape it.#onslaught returns in krakoa after being implanted in a mutant named lost#and onslaught would feed off the lost time in-between resurrections#like say you die monday and get brought back wednesday- all of tuesday goes to feeding onslaught#he doesnt actually Show Up show up for most of it hes more of a looming presence which i fw#and then he tries to get everyone to kill each other at the gala while making charles delete back-up data#onslaught does physically appear by the end of onslaught revelation once charles snaps out of the mind control at the gala#and erik's checking on him and Im Pretty Sure just by virtue of them being next to eachother onslaught manifests#cute shit really !!!!! but yeah thats a very VERY quick (and prob a lil wrong) rundown of onslaught's premise
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Lights up on a sunlit field, just south of Dormont. SIFFRIN lays sleeping, centerstage, about to wake from a strange dream. It is the day before the end of the world.
piece i did for the isat palette challenge thing !! i got a very green palette obviously and i was more than happy for the excuse to use my hoard of grass brushes :3
#small disclaimer i used one (1) multiply layer so the lineart was legible. also that one grass brush had colour jitter#so technically the piece isnt 100% within the palette but i never actually Actively Used any colour outside of it so w/e#also literally no one would have noticed if i hadnt pointed that out probably so. um. uh. anyway#i hope yall like the cloak texture bc that is probably what ill be sticking with for more involved pieces from here on out#the joys of having a good reference for something#ok im done yapping now#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat#in stars and time#red draws
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corrupted
for a very passionate request, based on that one time Anakin actually got drugg3d: https://www.tumblr.com/comebackali/714430560953581568/anakincito-comebackali-comebackali
#obikin#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#star wars#mine#i am just so weak for their nicjnames holy#I hold it very dear and my username does in fact stem from this quote as Faust is my favourite drama forever#mein junger padawan#take me right here right now i am not joking#also#this took me like 3 sessions over 3 days and i am so happy that i managed to turn#this from an absolutely shitty ill formated drawing#into sth i really like and that tells a story too#i think being able to work through shitty stages within a piece is one of the qualities#that define a goos and well reflected artist
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Dark Sonia's Monologue
"Hello again. We've met before.
You look different, I'm the same.
You've begun to know my face,
You already know my name.
I am the one who calls you,
Who says "come here, come home"
The voice that whispers from within
So you never feel alone.
I wait in all your doorways,
I watch you while you sleep.
I live right here inside you
Gnawing, growing, squirming deep.
I've taken the people you loved the most
One by one by one.
And I have come to take you next
Will you fight, evade me, run?
I am the weight that crushed your sister,
The guilt that carves you like a knife.
I am the fear that no one loves you,
The Creep that drank your family's life.
I am the dark that lives within you
As now at last you see -
I am the wound you've always carried,
You belong to me."
-Dark Sonia, Moonward Part 4 [x]
#yeah so this monologue lives rent free in my mind and I've listened or watched it every day this past week#Xen's writing and performance are *peak*. The cadence the whispery voice the sound effects#the rhymes - which could have been fun and jaunty but are truly ominous#I am the wound you've always carried....yeah ok ok#dark sonia doesnt rush. you already belong to her. she's...already won. she knows she'll see you again in the dark of the night#(but that's just her opinion right)#you and i will meet again but for now ill let you go#goodnight but not goodbye#Mother Trauma's protection feels like *belonging and acceptance*. yeah. that's what silences that voice within me. not much else does.#me when my trauma comes up: it's ok it's just Dark Sonia#it's also so realistic that Dark Sonia speaks through others - it's what we assume and project#even at his ickiest Tomasi would not say those things but Fiona *hears* them from him#midst podcast#moonward#moonward spoilers#moonward pt 4#scheduled
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kinda missing the "warning!!! lemon!!! boy x boy kissing, dont like dont read" days lately
#ajo im so nostalgic lately thinking abt all my interests then and how life was#which explains why im currently spiraling back down interests from early days like dmmd n specific music artists sighh sigh#i wanna draw my ocs all day and listen to metalcore and read books within 2 days and kiss guys and eat lemon icecream and ride my bike to#the music store and get new tapes at the video store and all the other stuff i did back then#late teens-early 20s was stupid but i do miss the time around it fr#like nah i dont wanna go back to there but i do wish i could bring these sensations and experiences back so guess ill just do that#ughhhh#babbles#tbd
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y'all go from being feminists to tearing these women down within seconds oh my god it's 2024 can we please stop viciously tearing one woman down to bring another up i don't care what side you take but saying vile shit about either woman and their music is disgusting, please grow up
#seperate the art from the artist please oh my god#for the record i like both billie and taylor#the variants being a major thing but i know thats not to hurt billie like yall say its it's to get more money (which she doesn't need????)#like let people have opinions oh my god its not that deep#and some of yall (not naming names yk who you are) went from loving billies new album to saying the most vile shit within a second which is#+shallow as fuck please learn to separate the art from the artist#you're allowed to dislike someones music but dragging them down as a person is shameful and not something to be proud of#and some of the shit ive seen said recently is disgusting please think before you speak#and ill be honest the swifties are saying most of the horrible stuff#i love taylor as much as you guys but it is not an excuse to say disgusting shit about other women please find something better to do+#+with your time#most of my mutuals are swifties but tbh if youre offended by me saying not to drag women down then i don't want you following me anyways#luc posts#billie eilish#taylor swift#i will not rant about my hatred for the variants and consumerism thats a post for another day#also have yall considered that this whole argument thing is pr so they can both get more streams. bc uh that was my first thought ngl#edit like 10 minutes later: i read an article and yall are blowing shit out of proportion it is literally not that deep omg
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'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'
#cw blood#SUUUPER SCUFFED LIL WIP THATS BEEN RRRROTTING IN MY FOLDER. OUT!! GET OUT!!!#its almos 2 am and imm gettin high as hrothgar. spruced this up within an hour so i could be shared n eaten#its SUPPOsed to be part ofa bigger doodly page so ofc theres the chance this changes between now n then#fuuuuck shoulda made her dress sparkly. fuckit ill fix it laterrrrr. i havnt posted art in YWEARRS i needed to post something#also i uh. well you see i started losing followers on twitter bc im sooo inactive and i KNOW that shouldnt matter like it should be whateve#but. you see. i lkike when number go up and when it go down i get MMMADDD.we all get our dopamine from somewhere#ANYWAY so i actually havnt touched the suckening in so long. been workin on oc stuff.BUT WELL. ARTHUR AND MARY. STILL MAKE ME WEEP#THEYRE SO CUTE N TRAGIC...whadda fuck is it with grizzly n charlie characters being so in love and so doomed#kian and becky then arthur and his various exes like CMAHn.stop doing this to me#from what i remember of the episode.she seemed so.tired.disconnected.like she had been wandering a dream#and yet she seemed so positive.reasonably concerned and yet.content.she warmed up to arthur as soon as she recognized him#she speaks so gently and so sweetly and she keeps the conversation so light.even though shes dead and shes gone and she#is doomed to wander an odd limbo for the rest of time.and yet she seemed so at peace.i can see why arthur liked her.what happened?#what caused them to separate?arthur seems so jaded and so tired.marys company seems like such a gentle place to rest.#how did he squander such a blessing?was it a blessing?OHH what i would give to crack open their minds and peer inside.#yknow wat im runnign out of room i think so ill add a last thought here at the bottom of my tags. I AM MORE CORRECT ABT ARHTURS UGLY LOOK#I WANT THAT MAN TO BE BEASTLY AND GROSS AND STRANGE AND SCARY AND EEWWW I SEE THINGS SQUIRMING IN THE DARK.ther are bugs#LETTING HIM HAVE HOT HOT ABBS AND STUFF WAS A COP OUUTTTT LET HIS WHOLE FORM BE DISTORTED OR UR NOT A FUCKING 0 APPEARANCE BITCH#THE BONES SHIFTED BENEATH AS IF TRYING TO HATCH. MANY OTHER THINGS HATCHED ASWELL. THE DEAD IMMORTAL FLESH SOURED#TOO GRAND TO ROT BUT TOO CORRUPTED TO KEEP CLASSIC FORM. MMMONSTER MONSTER MONSTER MONSTER#oka y im not going to bed but im gonna go. uh. do miore drugs or something. maybe ill work on more jrwi stuff. or oc stuff.#i hope ur day goes swimmingly thankyou for reading my tags i love you so so so so so much
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wish house was a real doctor so i could be his mystery insomniac patient and after giving me horse tranquilizers and still not falling asleep he just hits me in the head with his cane and im out like a light
#house md#i was supposed yo be asleep 2 hrs ago cause i planned to get up very early to study but LMAO NO#as soon as i shut my eyes my chest felt like it was being ripped to shreds from anxiety. i love i love it i love it (←says guy who hates it#anyways. i got mad i cried i googled some things frantically and now im in an acceptance phase of 'it is what it is' ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i think the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that. i slept like shit last night. like 4hrs maybe!!!! total!!! and so by the time#i started studying today around 6:30 i was eepy. and then by 7:15 my eyes were sooo heavy so i decided to take a 15 min power nap#and i was DREAMING within minutes. i fell asleep that quick. such a deep sleep that my alarm scared me awake#but ofc when im like oh teehee ill go to bet hella early and wake up hella early my brain is like ? no.#if youre still reading. idk im kissing you on the mouth or something. thanks for being here 🫶#gonna start tagging these posts as#insomnia chronicles
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I just don't understand people who don't do a COVID test when they get sick
#like yes of course for some people thats not affordable#but for the vast majority money isnt the issue#i picked up a sore throat and congestion over the weekend and figured it was allergies#i was pretty damn sure but i coughed last night and thats unusual#so i bit the bullet and at 7 fucking am this morning i went and found a covid test before work#good thing too because by the time i got to work the test was positive#because of that im within the window for paxlovid#and i havent really exposed that many people#my brother in christ this shit kills people#its not the common cold#the responsible thing to do is to test when youre fucking sick#and isolate if you know its covid#i have no idea on what criteria i qualified for paxlovid but im guessing it was asthma#heres hoping my mcas doesnt throw a tantrum about this#its entirely possible i caught this from my coworker#who did not test at all and stopped wearing a mask after a day or two#they know about my health issues and i cant help but feel hurt about how little they cared about the possible consequences to me#i should be fine btw im not even feeling particularly sick#salt baby talks#disability#chronic illness
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