#Ignore the naming inconsistencies I made these kinda late at night

[mysterybean2000]

Hi there! First art of 2025 and I had to make 'em dragons! They're from my new favorite book that I just finished reading :D I actually made one for each types of dragon in the book (except for two) but these are the only 3 drawings I actually like lol

[minzart]

Yuu showing malleus gargoyles the animated series

Never watched before and now I'm watching, gotta say, it's interesting 👀. But I'm not too far to put an opinion on it so it's kinda vague, but I did my best! Hope you like it.

🐲Malleus draconia

Exploring the deeps of the Hamshackle dorm made you find some... interesting things, old school uniforms, old books, old school homework that was never finished, faded photos, one even of three faces you might recognize a bit, smiling down on you, you keep the photo for later confirmation of your hypothesis.

what you didn't expected to find was tapes of an TV show of our world, a show you liked quite a lot as a child, and makes you think of someone who might like to watch it with you.

Night falls, the best time of the day if you ask Malleus Draconia, the time were it's way easier to avoid your knights, and babysitter, avoid the whispers of envy and fear, avoid your own destiny if he would be so bold to say, and a time... the only time, were he can meet a dear friend of his... but seems tonight you are late, and nowhere to be found on your usual spot were you await his arrival, with those eyes that when fall on him shine so bright, he wishes that this happines you have towards him never fade...

"TSUNOTARO!" Your voice stops his tray of thought, you're running on your pajamas wich is... unpratical for a cold night, but you never fail to surprise him "you won't BELIVE what i found this morning, HOLLY SEVEN you're gonna LOVE IT!"

"Slow down child, what is so important that you're lat-" you grab his hands and start pulling him to Hamshack, let's say that he's allowing you to pull him, it is NOT that you startled him and it is absolutely not the fact that it might be the first time you held hands, and yours are so warm.

"So~ you like gargoyles right?" You close the door while he sits on the couch, making himself comfortable, the ghosts are finishing setting up the tv, and Grim was discovering the goods of popcorn besides him.

"Yes, I thought you already knew that, It is a comum topic of our nightly conversations after all"

"Geez it's a retorical question dumbass" Grim answer with a full mouth, he'll let the audacity slide... for now.

You ignore Grim's rude answer, bouncing besides the tv putting the first tape, picking the controler and jumping to the couch besides him.

"This show is called, you guessed it, Gargoyles" you explained wille choosing the set ups "this show exists on my world too! I can't belive I found it earlier, can you belive objects appear and disappear on this dorm? Crazy right? Anyway the show is about-"

For the name alone you had his interest, as the time went on, he was about to tell you that, the name was proposterous for the character are grotesques and not gargoyles because the diference of function, but retained himself when he saw how much fun you were having.

You looked so fondly to the screen, nostalgia written all over your face, all those characters, all those interactions, they are all fond memories that you're remembering and sharing with him, letting he see this side of you, a more comfortable and relaxed side, showing a little bit of your world that you, sevens knows how, found on this strange world you're trapped in, you're trying to bond with him, and for the first time, malleus doesn't have the ego to brag about the inconsistency of the show anymore

It was kida hard not to be picky, but as time went on, comedy kicked in and the more interesting plot point arived, he found himself hooked, unfortunately it was so late, and you're only human after all, one that have school tomorrow, you both bind farewell with the promise to watch again next night.

Some days later, a distraught Silver rushes to Lilian after noticing something strange "fath- Lord Lilian! There's something wrong with the young master"

"Oh? And what might that be ?"

"I noticed just now, but I have, again, mistaken a grotesque for a gargoyle earlier today, but the young master didn't corrected me, is he sick?"

"Humm... maybe he just doesn't care?"

"But he has cared before"

"Maybe our young master is maturing faster than I imagined"

"Yeah.... maybe... but I still want to make sure, were's he now anyway?"

"Wasn't he with Sebek?"

Distantly a very loud screen can be heard

"YOUNG MASTER WERE ARE YOU?!!!"

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep5: Female Friends

So I was up hella late because of Daylight Savings screwing my sleep schedule, and I was on Twitch and one of the people I follow was speedrunning a Yugioh game (I think it was called Forbidden Memories like it was some Romance YA novel) and I was like “that’s a thing?” And I watched about 15 minutes of just complete nonsense. Like this game makes no sense when your scrubbing through 30 minutes of gameplay, but when a whole game takes 45 seconds and they have mechanics using like planets and astrology symbols? What?

What?

Y’all, I’m a little concerned your card game ain’t real. Like this is some ploy by knowing adults and this is some sort of Santa Claus situation where everyone else knows that this game ain’t real, but I’m the last person alive who’s like... “it is real though, right?” Hoping that I haven’t been played all of these years, despite having literally no empirical evidence that it is.

Just saying, I’m on to you, Yugioh.

Thanks dub.

I am pretty convinced (could be wrong) but pretty convinced that Grandpa was probably just normal horny in this scene. Like it just kinda matches what I know about horny grandpa tropes (that and Vivian is really talked up to be this hot stuff although she’s just youknow...some girl who exists.)

He immediately falls over. Like immediately, and I don’t know what’s up with Grandpa’s weird slipped disc, but luckily this is the one thing that Mokuba is prepared to deal with as a park manager.

Or what was his job again, Master of Ceremonies? That was the name of Mokuba’s actual chosen job that a 12-13 yo would choose?

Only Mokuba would have the choice to choose “a literal astronaut” and not choose an astronaut. This kid probably hates space though, with his family’s countless war machines now currently flying through the void.

The amount of times that the Kaibas have had to call a doctor for these guys.

(read more under the cut)

Bro was like “So Hawkins paid Grandpa to pretend to fall down so they could ditch Rebecca’s duel, right?” and youknow...probably. It was a pretty boring duel. They got off scott free.

Rex and Weevil do cartoon antics that actually feel like cartoon antics--which feels so weird for this show. Of course, it also has this Vivian plotline that is a little sus for a children’s show?

OK, show. You keep throwing women at Yugi Muto, and I get it’s a joke because he’s the world’s most undateable boy but there is a line of plausibility that even for a kid’s cartoon show it’s like “eh, probably not.”

Anyway, Vivian has Cho Chang energy of “I’m here for a problematic romantic conflict that never needed to happen and hamfisted diversity and uhhhhhh that’s it! I won’t exist after book 5!”

What a step down from dueling on top of the train, right? Like this whole time you could have just dueled next to it? What? In this show?

The rest of the party show up to the train station, where there’s really no other audience watching. Like where are Rebecca’s adoring fans who were asking for her autograph like 3 episodes back?

Card culture is brutal, y’all.

Vivian is not drawn like a 16 yo, being real. I was pretty surprised that she was under 25 according to a cursory Google search. Course, Joey Wheeler is drawn like a built adult, too, so I think the only convincing teenage child on this show is Pharaoh because at least he’s short. Just ignore how sometimes he’s got muscles on his arms that have no right to be there at the age of 16. (17?)

Then we had like a little Season Zero vibes where everyone just picks on Yugi for a hot minute.

And so Tea’s character development comes full circle as she realizes that this whole time, the Female Friend she needed was already here in the form of that small child who has a crush on her kinda boyfriend.

This was such an episode written by a bunch of dudes.

But at least Rebecca and Tea found something in common, although I really wish it wasn’t Yugi, considering how little on screen development he has with either of them. Where’s the reward for me as the viewer? If I cared about either of this love pentagon at all (well, hexagon...Bakura’s still in there.) there will never be a payout. You very well may be waiting forever for a relationship the writers clearly had never any intention to ever write except to act as a foil for our protagonists instead of like...a relationship.

And the show seems a little inconsistent with the relationship between Rebecca and Tea, too. They hang out a lot as the girls on the sideline, and appear to get along a lot of the time--but then they hate eachother a lot of the time as well because of jealousy? It’s just so weird.

I feel like TV shows in general have a really hard time approaching girl friendships, and speaking as a girl, I wish TV and books recognized more that our female friendships don’t have to be so freakin serious. We just act friendly and that’s freakin it.

That and these girls are going to go right back to hating eachother half the time after this is over because the main problem--Yugi not piping up and telling one of them to back the hell off--has never been addressed and never will be because Yugi is a broken, broken wet blanket.

Back at the base, Seto is also making up his own problems to be upset about in the absence of any apocalypses happening on screen.

Unless that hacker is Noah Kaiba, you’re probably fine. I really haven’t had too much of a reason to feel any fear over Zigfried von Schroeder. And maybe it’s because his character design was pretty complicated so no one wanted to draw it.

This was a ‘who’s on first’ joke but still.

...why do cards have to be like this?

Also, I didn’t see anything about this nonsense in the speedrun I watched the other night so, guys, this game ain’t real.

Anyway, Rebecca won.

We find out a little more of what happens to other duelists. Our Cowboy lost to a Sherlock Holmes boy, and I was very happy that I don’t have to come up with jokes about country music because I have none other than like...Taylor Swift jokes? Does she still count as country? I have no idea what’s going on in the country music scene.

On other side of the park, Yugioh decide to pay another tribute to the creative crotch shot with one of these:

Rex and Weevil are off to fight the big bad, and when you think “OK, we’re gonna get a wacky duel battle with these two balancing on top of eachother,” they kinda whiffed it before they made it to the stage.

And then I kind of whiffed it when I realized that Mokuba and Weevil have never spoken in the same place before and they have the same exact font color so fml.

The fact that Mokuba didn’t realize anything was wrong until they fell and revealed they were two small adults in a trench coat says a lot about most of the competitors in this duel.

It is incredible how both the Battle City Tournament and the Kaiba Corp Tourney (s that it’s name?) are both poorly managed, but in a different way. The Battle City Tourney unfortunately had a bunch of murderers in it. This tournament, no one is killing eachother, but they are still kind of sneaking in through the back door and being chronically late to everything.

(and I just want to point out that after the last match Mokuba oversaw that had Joey nearly miss the appointment, Mokuba decided to set this one in front of a Giant Clock just to get his point across)

So Zigfried has some sort of flying horse card that wiped them out right away, which makes you wonder........

.............why use any other cards?

Kaiba makes these cards, right????

Like he should be the last person who’s surprised????

Anyway, Zigfried top-decked a horse, and the guy who spends about 15 minutes getting ready his big ol blue eyes dragons every match he’s ever played was like “Yo I have GOT to get into speedrunning!”

And yes, the speedrun I was watching did not use Blue Eyes White Dragons. They were using a bunch of other stuff that I tried to look up just now and the art is completely different from what I recall so...unfortunately that means that your game is fake. Pretty sure it’s fake and you have no way to prove to me this is real.

Anyway, that’s it for now, not much to say since we’re still at the beginning of the arc. Next week I guess we’ll find out if Seto ever removes his ass from this chair.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[blurry-fics]

Wednesday

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2034

Author’s Note: Sorry for the inconsistent post times this week! I’ve finally had a chance to sleep in and, well, I like to sleep in. I’ll try and keep it a bit more consistent going forward! Enjoy day four :)

*     *     *     *     *

You were in the middle of taking a long drink of orange juice when someone tapped you on the shoulder, scaring you so bad that you almost spit it all over the table. The girls at the table began to laugh at you, but you simply wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and turned to see who it was.

“Finished it,” Tyler grinned, holding his hand out to you.

Sure enough, in his hand was a red and yellow bracelet. It wasn’t the prettiest bracelet that you had seen, but being a camp counselor had also created a pretty high standard in your mind. All that mattered to you was the fact that Tyler had actually spent time outside of your activity to finish it.

“I love it,” you smiled. “Do you mind?”

You held out your arm and Tyler carefully tied the bracelet around your wrist. His fingers brushed lightly against your skin, sending tingles up your arm.

“That better be on your arm every time I see you until the end of this week,” he said, pointing a finger at you.

“We made a deal!” you said.

“Good, now I have a table of rowdy boys and a less-than-pleased cabin partner to get back to,” he laughed.

“Later, Vulture.”

He lightly traced a hand along your shoulder as he walked away from your table, making you smile like an idiot. The girls were all watching your reaction.

“I told you! Vulture is the one she likes!” one of the girls said.

“No, no, no. You didn’t hear the rumor that I did.”

“And what was that?”

“That yesterday during arts and crafts, her and DJ Spooky chased each other around with paint. He even grabbed her arm.”

“Yeah, but did he make her a bracelet?”

“You can still see the blue paint on her arm! Does it matter?”

“Girls,” you cut them off and slid your arm under the table. “I’m right here.”

Jenna chimed in too, “And what did we say about discussing other people’s relationships?”

“Not allowed,” the one who had started it all sighed, slumping back into her seat.

“Exactly, so let’s talk about something else.”

“What’s our activity today?” Poppy asked.

Jenna pulled out her neat little folder and whipped out the weekly schedule, glancing over it quickly.

“This afternoon we have a hike with the leaders of the blue cabin and then purple cabin is in charge of the activity tonight.”

“Blue cabin?” you asked.

“Yes, your favorite,” Jenna laughed, shooting you a look.

“DJ Spooky,” one of the kids gasped.

“Girls, make sure to fill up your water bottles before we leave the cafeteria, ok?” you said. “I don’t want any of you getting dehydrated on the hike today.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” a couple of the girls cheered.

You and Jenna shared a look; both of your eyes were open wide.

“Where did you learn that?” Jenna asked.

“The boys were saying it during the activity last night,” one of the girls answered.

“Yeah, they said it every time DJ Spooky asked them to do something.”

Jenna sighed and shot another look at you, causing you to giggle. You should have known it would only be so long before Josh’s joke caught on.

*     *     *

“This right here,” Josh said, pointing to a yellow flower growing on the side of the path, “is called Goatsbeard.”

“Goats don’t have beards!” one of the little girls holding your hand said. “That’s a stupid name.”

“We didn’t come up with it,” Brad said. “We’re just supposed to teach you about it.”

“It’s native to this area,” Josh explained. “Does anyone want to get a closer look?”

Most of the girls stepped forward and examined the plant, poking at the little flowers or drawing pictures of it on their sketchpads. Josh wandered over to where you and Jenna were standing.

“How do you think it’s going so far?” he asked.

“Really well,” you answered. “The girls seem to be enjoying themselves.”

“And what about you?”

“Yeah, I’m having fun,” you shrugged.

“Come on, Y/C/N,” Josh joked, giving you a light elbow in the ribs. “Show some enthusiasm.”

“Woo, plants!” You threw your hands up and moved them around a little bit in some form of happy dance. Jenna looked at you, trying her hardest not to laugh.

“I’m going to go see if Brad needs any help,” Jenna said, giving you a light tap on the shoulder.

“Ok, good luck.”

“Are you actually enjoying yourself?” Josh asked, dropping his over-the-top camp persona for a moment.

“Of course I am! Hiking has always been one of my favorite activities. I’m jealous you’re in charge of it this year.”

“You don’t get tired of walking the same trail over and over again?”

“Not at all, especially if you’re with the right people,” you smiled, bumping him with your arm.

Josh was about to say something in return when two little girls came skipping over to you, each holding a couple brightly colored flowers in their hands.

“DJ Spooky! I got you some flowers,” the first girl said.

“Yeah, and I got you prettier ones,” the second said, stepping in front of her friend.

“Both of these are equally beautiful,” Josh grinned. “Thank you.”

He turned to you and raised his eyebrows. You reached out and took the flowers from his hand, tucking them neatly behind his ear.

“Perfect,” you giggled.

“You’re so pretty!” the girls laughed, temporarily forgetting their feud.

“Am I?” Josh asked, turning to you.

“Gorgeous.”

The girls ran off, whispering excitedly to one another. Josh always seemed to attract the most attention from the little girls, mostly because he was such a good sport about it. He always wound up with a fan club by the end of the week.

Josh leaned a little closer to you so that he could whisper in your ear, “You think this is a good time to mention that I’m allergic to flowers?”

You couldn’t help but crack up at his comment, although you did feel a little bad for putting the plants so close to his face.

“Alright, let’s keep moving! There’s a lot more plants to see,” he announced.

“Aye, aye, captain!” the girls called, falling into line behind Brad and linking up with their buddies.

With Brad and Jenna at the lead, you and Josh were able to hang back behind the group and look out for stragglers. He pointed out a couple spots to you that he claimed were exceptional for stargazing, if you could manage to sneak past the supervisors that roamed the camp late at night.

You were in the middle of telling a story about a kid that had run off during the hike last year when you felt something brush against your hand. Josh was walking pretty close to you, so you figured you had bumped into him on accident. But then it happened again. And again.

This was definitely intentional.

“And then what happened?” Josh asked. You hadn’t even realized you had stopped talking.

“Oh, we found him down in the creek with his shoes off. He had to finish the hike with a counselor for a buddy.”

“Wow,” Josh laughed. “Yeah, nothing like that has happened today. Yet.”

“That’s good.”

“You feeling alright, Y/C/N? Your face is kinda pink.”

“Yeah, it’s just… warm,” you said, waving a hand around.

“Warm, yeah,” Josh laughed.

“Hey, DJ Spooky!” Brad called. “Get your butt up here.”

The kids all started to laugh at Brad’s use of a “bad” word.

“That’s my cue,” Josh said, giving your arm a light tap.

“Have fun,” you smiled, watching as he walked to the front of the group.

Jenna joined you at the back of the group, but you were too distracted by Josh catching your eye every now and again to pay much attention.

*     *     *

You and Jenna were sitting at the edge of the hill, watching as the cabins played a large game of Red Rover. Tyler had just been captured by the other team after unsuccessfully trying to break their chain. Most of the kids - and a few of the rowdier counselors - were yelling excitedly and bouncing around.

“Y/C/N! Daisy! Come join the game!” one of the girls from your cabin called.

“Yes! Please!” another chimed in.

You looked to Jenna, who simply shrugged. Together, you ran down the hill and joined opposite teams, just to keep things fair. Poppy happily offered up a spot next to her in the line.

“Whose turn is it?” you asked.

“Theirs,” Poppy answered plainly.

The other team spent some time deciding who they would call over before Josh led the chant.

“Red Rover, Red Rover, send Y/C/N right over!”

You should have seen that one coming. After a bit of convincing to get Poppy to let go of your hand, you went running over to the other side and attempted to break through their link. Unfortunately for you, Josh was straight across from you, making your task nearly impossible. They eventually called it a fail and you joined the opposing team.

“Nice try,” Josh smiled as he unlinked his hand so that you could take a place next to him.

“You’re just too strong.”

You linked your fingers with Josh’s and tried not to move your hand around too much. After all, this was just a game. Still, it was hard to ignore the way he would give your hand a light squeeze every now and again.

The game went on for another twenty minutes until your team captured all the other team’s members and emerged victorious. Josh went around, giving everyone high fives and congratulating them on the win. Eventually, he made his way over to you and pulled you into a sweaty hug.

“You may not have been on our team to begin with, but you were essential to our win,” he laughed.

“Thanks, Spooky,” you said, giving him a couple pats on the back.

You were about to start up a conversation with him when a couple girls from your cabin came running over, demanding your attention. Instead, you settled for a wave and followed them across the field.

*     *     *

You stripped off your sweaty t-shirt from the day and pulled on your nice pajama shirt. All of the girls were sitting around the cabin, enjoying their downtime before lights out. Most of them were playing card games or telling stories and you were happy to finally have some time to rest after the long day.

“How much time until lights out?” you asked Jenna.

“About ten minutes.”

“Good. I’m ready to pass out right now.”

“Me too,” she laughed. “It’s been a long day.”

“I know, and we’re just over halfway through the week.”

Poppy came running over to your bunk, practically throwing herself on top of you. You managed to catch her and avoid her completely landing on your stomach, but you still ended up with an elbow straight to the gut.

“How about we make a new rule about not jumping on counselors?” you wheezed.

“But that was so fun!” she squealed.

“Too bad. What do you need, Poppy?”

“I need help settling a debate.”

“What’s the debate?”

“Amy said that Vulture is her boyfriend, but obviously he’s mine!”

“Is that so?” you asked, sharing a look with Jenna.

“Yes! And she’s saying the she called dibs on him first, but I called dibs on the first day!”

“Well, have either of you actually talked to Vulture about him being your boyfriend?”

“Um… no.”

“Then I don’t think he’s anybody’s boyfriend.”

Poppy leaned really close to you and cupped a hand around your ear before dramatically whispering, “Except for yours.”

“Vulture isn’t my boyfriend, but if he was, then you shouldn’t be debating about him in the first place,” you said, tickling her stomach.

Poppy squealed and went running back to her small group of friends. You looked to Jenna, who was shaking her head and smiling.

“Girls, make sure all your things are put away nicely! Lights out is in seven minutes.”

“Ok, Daisy!” a few of them called back.

Four days down, three to go.

*     *     *     *     *

Taglist

@faceofcontvsions @ohprettyweeper @addictwithaheavydirtycheetah @addictoftwentyone @svintsandghosts @patdsinner33 @gaiatheroyalrabbit @coolcxt

[starspatter]

WIP Challenge

Tagged by: @summertime-children

Tagging: @astrologista, @atsushishelteredinmoonlitjasmine, @benditlikegumby, @cryptoriawebb, @ibmiller, @iceperialprincess, and @otherwise-uncolonized

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I'll also do what deta did and post comments + short fragments.  (Be warned it'll be very long though, and most of these are actually Pokémon fics since I was a much more prolific writer when I was younger, and that was the fandom I wrote mainly for.)  I also won't be including "Heroes and Thieves" on here (or any DC/superhero stuff really since I’ve essentially “done” everything I had planned for now), as *technically* it is all already completed in draft form, and I'd like to keep things a surprise for whenever I do end up posting~

Hero and Seek

“Well, we’re all together now, so let’s have some fun, all right?  Don’t worry, it’s really simple.  One person is the ‘demon’, and the others have to hide from him.” “Eh?  A ‘demon’?  But that’s scary!” Three pairs of eyes turned up to her in fear.  Those eyes, which screamed and streamed the stark color of blood the first time she saw them – not just from tears, but from the ‘monster’ they believed dwelled deep within.  She thought for a moment, then removed her scarf. “How about this then?  Whoever’s the ‘hero’ has to find and rescue the others.  It’s a very important Blindfold Brigade mission!”

I’ll start with the one Kagepro fic I did attempt at least, which I described previously here, but is basically about Ayano + the Meka Trio playing “Hide and Seek” for the first time.  (I actually had it originally titled as that but just came up with this new version on the spot lol I’m so clever~)  For some reason I’ve always been hesitant about reading/writing Kagefic, but I actually got a fair bit farther in this than I thought, so perhaps I should try to finish it someday... Princes and Frogs

“K-Koizumi-senpai… Um… Please go out with me!” Itsuki stared down at the tiny underclassman, watching a rose mantle spread slowly over her cheeks as she gazed back with shy, but determined hope in her bespectacled eyes.  The older boy could make out his own handsome face reflected off the lens, a virtual image embellished by sparkling hearts and stars.  With dim satisfaction and relief, Itsuki ensured that his bright, patient smile betrayed no hint of the weary sigh that whispered behind it.

This is an intro excerpt of the first chapter I planned to write for an ItsuHaru fic from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, which I only ever posted the prologue for.  ItsuHaru was my first obsessive OTP, and I still think about returning to this story someday (especially since I have now proven to myself I *can* finish a full chapter fic if I put my mind to it), but it’s been so long I feel like I’d need to refresh my memory of the whole series/am still holding out hope for a Season 3 to motivate me again. *shot*

Fall to Pieces

As Itsuki stared at Yuki’s vacant visage, his resentment kept building.  His hands clenched, rigidly gripping the edge of the table.  Somehow, it just didn’t seem fair.  That she could so easily ignore the madness fate had dealt them, never reveal any signs of suffering or bitterness towards her situation, and yet always, always wear the same damn expression on her face. How could she possibly stand it? He can’t stand it. (any more)

An ItsuYuki one-shot, where Itsuki basically blows up at her from pent-up frustration over having to wear a mask all the time and his hidden feelings for Haruhi.  The two start to form a connection over their respective “unrequited loves”/understanding of each other’s pain, and one thing leads to another...  Like “Heroes and Thieves”, this is in fact technically “complete”, since I actually used the leftover steam from the former towards finishing at least one thing I started a long time ago - although I’m still not sure I’m totally satisfied with it/kinda want to wait to figure out what I’m doing with my other ItsuHaru fics before I publish it by itself.  (Incidentally the working title comes from an Avril Lavigne song lol.)

Little White Lies

“Perhaps the best thing for the princess would have been to fall in love.  But how a princess who had no gravity could fall into anything is a difficulty--perhaps the difficulty.” -George MacDonald, The Light Princess - Haruhi Suzumiya was walking on air. Itsuki could tell by the way she glided into the clubroom, sailing like a paper airplane – or a balloon with an inflated ego to match.

...Yeah that’s as far as I got with this.  This was meant to be a “White Day” story, which is Japan’s “answer holiday” to Valentine’s Day, where guys reciprocate by giving gifts to the girls who gave them chocolates.  I always wondered how the boys actually responded in-universe, and I imagine Itsuki secretly stressing out a lot about taking care to not upstage Kyon, but at the same time wanting to sincerely express his genuine appreciation and feelings towards Haruhi - whatever they may be.  In the end, he settles on a copy of “The Light Princess” by George MacDonald, which I highly recommend reading since it reminds me so much of this pair, and in general is such a fun and snappy “tongue-in-cheek” take on the fairytale genre. Sora in Wonderland

But wait- this one was a bit different from all its brothers and sisters.  For one thing, it was wearing a fancy waistcoat with pockets- and sleeves that were far too long for it.  As soon as it passed by her head, it stopped and slowly turned its head around to stare directly at her with its huge circular yellow eyes.  Sora stared vacantly back for a full five seconds before the information registered in her brain and she suddenly yelled, “Hey!”, and sat bolt upright.  The Heartless panicked upon hearing her voice and fled at top speed across the white sands, headed towards an opening in the rocks; Sora jumped down off her perch and immediately chased after it, no longer caring about the heat.  The Heartless hastily disappeared inside the cave, and Sora soon followed after, determined to catch the freaky little thing and ask it some questions, like what it was doing on the island at this time, and where on earth did it get a waistcoat.

OKAY SO I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS WAS A THING but apparently I tried to write a Kingdom Hearts parody of “Alice in Wonderland” lmao.  I’ve never actually played the games (aside from half of CoM), but it was probably inspired by a crossover art my friend drew? ^^; Also Sora is a girl in this bc that’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it. XP *shot* Note: The following fics are all Pokémon-related so I’ll just be listing them in roughly chronological order (from most recent to ancient, although they’re all pretty old at this point). Stranger

The elder slowly rose to his feet, gazing at the boy, the champion, the stranger.  “In all this time, why didn’t you come back?  You could have seen for yourself how she was.” Lance wanted to yell something defiant, like a child.  But he wasn’t a child.  Children were forgiven for their mistakes.  And he didn’t want to be forgiven. The professor’s ancient hand came to rest on the boy’s shoulder.  “It’s the way this town works.  We don’t talk about things that happen outside our own world.  Maybe it was too long ago – too late for you to understand.” Lance didn’t say anything. “At least talk to Delia.  She’s been wanting to see you.” “Sorry.  It’s too late.” “You’re a bastard.” “I know.”

So this looks to be among the last things I’d written before taking a long break from fanfiction circa... 2007, jeeze.  Over 10 years, huh.  But, I think it speaks a certain amount of maturity that it’s the piece I liked most upon rediscovering.  It’s based on an idea I once had that Lance was (unknowingly) Gary Oak’s father, and he was friends/rivals with Ash’s father, who originally won the title of Champion but relinquished it so he could be with his “wife” and kid (or rather, then-pregnant teenage girlfriend).  *Something* happened though (I forget what I had in mind) and he ended up dying, leaving Lance bitter and depressed so he refused to return to Pallet Town because of too many painful memories.  (Though he *cough* “comforted” their other female childhood friend for one night of drunken grief before he left. ;()  What I like most about it honestly is the parallels bw Lance’s relationship with Ash’s dad and their sons’, and that amidst all the angst I enjoyed portraying the earnest energy and optimism of Ketchum(?) senior (”like father like son” after all).  I was definitely inspired by Mitsuki’s father in Full Moon wo Sagashite/Maes Hughes from Fullmetal Alchemist by making him a total “dork dad” who’d brag about his (illegitimate) family on national TV during the championship tournament lol.

Ihavenoidea

Either way, I get the feeling this really wasn’t what I had in mind when I made my decision to quit training.  I mean that in an intuitive sort of way.  Like, sometimes I feel as if I’m not meant to be here, like my life should have ended up differently someplace else.  Perhaps this is just one of those weird inconsistencies I told you about.  Perhaps not.  Even after all that’s happened to me recently, I still can’t really be sure about it.

...No seriously, I have no idea where I was going with this.  As far as I can tell it’s written from the POV of Gary Oak, whom I’ve always had a lot of... “complicated” feelings towards.  It probably has something to do with another concept I’ll discuss next, although for some reason it sounds like I was going for some sort of AU? *shrug* By contrast to the above, it reads like a whiny teenager complaining about his life - which makes me cringe but is probably an accurate portrayal of who I was at the time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This one was actually dated a little after the previous, so my best guess is it was some kind of vent rant where I would “give up” writing/creating and “childish” ideals for a while, as I was wont to do - but I still always come back to it somehow... RainbowMolly

Molly stepped out from the car and onto the dusty road, her heart beating wildly.  She could hardly believe she was actually here, of all places. The ride had been long and mind-numbing with anticipation, and now that they’d finally arrived at the destination, it all felt somewhat surreal to her. A small bear clambered out from the vehicle, joining her as she stopped to take in the rustic view that met her bright blue eyes.  She smiled and picked up her Teddiursa, cuddling its warm, fuzzy body close to her own. Her gaze traveled down the road which stretched in both directions, houses lining up against its margins. She followed it with her eyes towards a hill in the distance, on top of which sat what looked like a quaint little farmhouse with a windmill, turning in the summer breeze.  She breathed in the country air, catching whiff of a faint salt smell from an ocean in the distance. So this was Pallet Town.

...Why I didn’t actually name the file “Chasing Rainbows” - which was the title I had planned for this - I don’t know.  This dates back to an old idea I had where I believed Molly Hale from the third Pokémon movie was secretly the true “God” of the Pokémon world - in the sense that the entire universe was an unknowing fantasy of her own creation, similar to Haruhi Suzumiya (ok fine this was totally a crossover/rip-off of the same concept so sue me OTL).  In a place where children never seem to grow up and can go on grand fantastical adventures forever, Gary always struck me as an anomaly who willingly *chose* to forego such a life to pursue more “adult” interests by becoming a researcher.  So I saw him as filling the role of “Kyon” - the cynical narrator who was destined to ground “God” and bring her back down to earth, but at the same time be won over by her innocence and charm and learn to appreciate “kids’ stuff” again.  However, the Legendaries were actually aware of the power Molly holds, and so saw Gary as a threat to their very being - as by “waking” the dreamer and having her face reality meant erasing their kinds’ entire existence.  As the “apocalypse” nearly occurred in the third film, Mew and Celebi took on human disguises (in the form of May and Max respectively) to investigate Ash, who was able to calm Molly and “save” the world by “perpetuating” the delusion (and whom Molly totally has a crush on btw *shot*).  So it’s a bit of a love triangle lol, with Mew and Celebi (*cough* an alien and a time traveler, get it? *shot*) acting as mediators/interference.  (Although Mew might’ve secretly shipped Gary and Molly herself. ;O)

Betrayal

And these blades, these damned scythes that attached themselves to my arms when I was born, a curse upon me since birth, though it had not been apparent up until now.  They were covered with blood, the vital crimson liquid that flows through our bodies, now dripping down the steel surface in a webbed pattern, drops beginning to splatter the pure, emerald grass below.  The arm felt heavy and weak as I tried to lift it, as if it did not belong to me, but that was only a wishful thought.  I gazed calmly at it, inspecting the intricate designs the flow of the substance had created, as if it were an abstract piece of artwork. Tentatively, a pink tongue rolled out and caught a small droplet of it just before it fell from the sharp edge, just to convince myself that it was real.  The semi-sweet, metallic taste confirmed this.  I had indeed taken these men’s lives, just as I had taken hers.

So I remember this was written from the POV of a Scyther who seemingly went on a murderous rampage.  I only know that I wanted to give him an “Edward Scissorhands”-like story, since the idea of having such sharp objects attached to one’s limbs so that one could never directly “touch” another without being a danger is pretty tragic.  I suspect “her” was someone (a human?) he cared about but killed by accident, and after that he was only seen as a symbol of power/treated as a tool to incite fear before eventually rebelling against his “master”... Roses

“If you love someone, you should give them something that’s yours. That shows how much you care for them.” In the darkness, I pictured his smiling face, explaining to me as he wrapped a present for his girlfriend. His blue eyes were shining with a sort of spirit unfamiliar to me; I guessed, a feeling of love.

Another “dark” take on a Pokémon’s biology (I really liked writing explorations of those back then lol), this time of Roselia.  The idea was that a Roselia was so in love with her trainer that she would do anything for him - including allow him to cut off her arms so he could give them to his girlfriend.  I actually ended up turning it into a poem at one point:

Love is like a rose they say, And affection leads to grief they warned. For in the end love betrays, Its Beauty maimed by a poisoned thorn. You gave me pure water with a smile. Your cheerful face became my sun. I offered up my blood to you, And in return demanded none. Chop off my wrists, and tie them together. I’ll gladly bleed myself to death. In order to give you that which I hold most dear. My dear, my dear, Won’t you accept this bouquet? You take it, smiling warily. A blush creeps onto your face. And in those eyes I can see A garden of roses stretched out, Composing a wondrous place. Then you bound my hands in lace, And brought them to the girl next door. You presented them to her with grace. … My blood continued to pour.

Fanfic

She smiled at me, although something about her expression indicated something wasn't quite right.  I watched as she glanced over towards the west, her gaze lingering momentarily on the setting sun.  The glowing, orange sphere was slowly sinking behind the distant mountains, peaks cloaked in a pale, lavender haze illuminated by flickering beams of gold and scarlet cast across the horizon.

More accurately, I found this buried in a “catch-all” file where I had several (mostly finished) fics saved.  This was meant to be from the POV of an Eevee who had just evolved - supposedly into an Espeon due to happiness and bond with her trainer, which is what both wanted.  However, since it took place at sunset, she didn’t realize she had become an Umbreon instead, and her trainer ended up abandoning her for it. ;( It was a warm

Children’s shrieks and laughter echoed across the park as they flocked towards each other, and soon were chasing one another round the playground, weaving in and out between the swings as they partook in an innocent game of Tag.  One child was It; she was trying desperately to catch one of her friends so that they would take over the job instead.  Then it would be her turn to run away, for none of them wished to play the loathsome role of It.  Or was it because they feared being tainted by the person’s touch?  It must have been one of the two, for while she would struggle to reach them, catch hold of them, they would only flee, thoroughly enjoying the fact that they were vexing her.  Twice she nearly caught one.  Her fingertips were almost within reach of one of the other girls’ dresses, whose russet tresses were flowing wildly from the rush of movement and shining with golden highlights as the rays of the sun struck individual strands.  The target shrieked and shook her head, whisking her skirt free in time to escape capture, laughing with glee at the sight of the girl left behind, miserable and alone. 

Yeah I totally just went with the default beginning of the first sentence lol.  I guess this comes full circle with the first Kagepro fic I mentioned (although I’m not even sure I was aware back then that the Japanese version of the game literally called “It” a “demon”, which is even more fitting).  I believe this was part of a Pokémon series I was writing involving a creepy little girl and Mewtwo who would bring about the end of the world or something like that, but generally I guess I was just going for a “Catcher in the Rye” feel. *shrug* Golden Lights

The pale, rosy fingers of dawn were filtering in through the Granite Cave entrance, basking a small area near the opening in pinkish illumination.  Just out of reach of its expanse sat little Mika, huddled in the gloom of the shadows, watching the light creep steadily towards her as the glowing ball of fire rose slowly towards the East.  She knew about the Light that came from Outside.  There were plenty other small apertures broken into the cavern walls and ceiling that allowed some thin streams of gold brilliance to trickle through.  She had always done well to avoid them.  The brightness was like poison to her skin.  But they weren’t the Lights she’d had described to her by the old Crobat that always resided now deeper within the underground chambers, dozing now, most likely.  He wouldn’t awaken until night came round, and she did not wish to rouse him and perhaps disturb him from a pleasant dream.  She was very wise about things like that, being the young child that she was.  Still, she would have liked to hear a story to comfort her just then.

Last one I could find, about a Sableye who, like Icarus, literally “flew too close to the sun”.  In this interpretation I imagined that Sableye were creatures who could not stand sunlight at all, as it would cause their skin to burn.  But Mika (pronounced like “Mica”) always dreamed of going outside to see the “Light” anyway.  She was eventually tempted by Mew to leave the cavern under her angelic PROTECTion and step into the Light, who was acting as Ho-Oh’s messenger to “recruit” souls to “live eternal as an element of Ho-Oh’s Guarding Flame“, as the PROTECT faded and a “holy fire” began to spread.  I guess I was going for a Biblical/”Rapture”-esque reference.  (...Man I sure was obsessed with the endtimes as a kid. *shot*)

[kiwisimie]

𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐨 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐌𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠 !! 

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

TRAITS: loner, music lover, clumsy

tagged by: the great @honeybeqr

✩ QUESTIONS 1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? um just esther is fine 2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? mum, wife, goldfish, and esti 3. BIRTHDAY? 3rd july 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? um I don’t really read series but princess diaries and dork diaries are pretty fun 5.  DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? honestly idk like I believe in the after life and there kinda has to something out there 6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? rainbow rowell 7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? I always force my dad to play capital when i’m in his car sooooo I guess its capital (?) 8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? vanilla and chocolate ( cant go wrong with the classics ) 9. WHAT WORD OR PHRASE WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? cool, good, um great as you can see my vocabulary isn’t that advanced 10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? japanese denim - Daniel Caesar, closely followed by broke - samm hemshaw 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? pueblo, it means village/town in spanish 12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? i’m listening to the schuyler sisters as I write this 13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? modern family and the simspons 14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? the princess and the frog, it has good songs 15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? not really i’m more of a lets play watcher 16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? disappointing people and death 17.  WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i’m very empathetic/sympathetic, I try to see things from the person’s perspective 18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I tend to shut down a lot and just hide away suddenly 19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I guess dogs but i’m not really an animal person 20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer for sure 21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? with stress? yes 22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? being able to fluently speak french 23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? um next 24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? dark brown 25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its really dark brown so it just looks black 26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my family 27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? once again me family 28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my friends 29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? the half term 30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? fanfics, kpop, bullet journals and stationary ( an odd combo of things I know ) 31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? totally spies, les zinzins de l'espace, and ratz 32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my brother, he’s a real g 33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? not really 34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I cant with butterflies I panic a bit when they fly near me 35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? I like having the memories when i’m in front of it but I do like being behind it 36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? playing instruments, reading and making sims 37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? fangirl by rainbow rowell thoroughly enjoyed it 38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? the greatest showman I think 39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano, some chords on ukulele and guitar, i’ve been taking violin lessons, and I have a clarinet from school that I have yet to play seriously 40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? any baby animal is my favourite animal 41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? anyone that posts is amazing 42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? teleportation because i’m a lazy bugger 43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in bed listening to music or reading 44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? memes that my friends send me and being with people 45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I play for my school’s football and netball team and we do loads of different sports during lessons 46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? orange juice 47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I wrote little messages in all the Christmas cards I gave out last year 48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? I don’t think so, ooo do I love the feeling when you’re in a plane and your stomach does that thing when it goes down a bit ( I probably sound crazy ) 49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? ermmm slow walkers and being late for no reason 50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? no :( I really wanted to go to love yourself tour but I couldn’t get a ticket 51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? I don’t think I could ever 52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? an Olympian, still lowkey want to be one 53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN?  all of them 54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? exams and nearing everything I say and do ( I am a very anxious child ) 55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? kinda 56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yes but i’m definitely not talented so you’re not hearing that any time soon 57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not without informing the school because i’m a good child 58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? good question 59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? in a city that’s maybe in another country 60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? no and i’ve never had one 61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL?  a bit of both I think 62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunrise, gotta love golden hour 63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no as I am underaged 64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? depends on where I am and what i’m doing 65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? no but like all of my friends have 66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? there is a wide variety 67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? mi madre 68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? do webtoons and mangas count? 69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? how ignorant someone people are 70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? definitely real books, I have brought a couple 71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? music and maths 72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? yeah I have an older sister, two older brothers and a little sister 73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? tipp-ex, a clip-on light and a new moisturiser 74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 169cm whatever that is in inches 75. CAN YOU COOK? only like the basic things 76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? family, friends and clothes 77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? CUCUMBERS and AVOCADOS 78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? my closer friends are basically all female 79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i’m your everyday heterosexual 80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? in the east of england 81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my mum 82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a few days when I went to went to watch the curious incident of the dog in the night-time ( that show was a lot to handle ) 83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? bestdressed I love her personality and her sense of style 84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? occasionally 85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tumblr, youtube, google keep and huji 86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? we are get along nicely 87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? I don’t really have a favourite I find them all pretty entertaining 88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? italy 89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 6 and 3 90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? unfortunately I am not that talented 91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? yes 92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? we always watch documentaries about the deep ocean in science lessons and that’s always interesting 93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? hecc no 94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i’m like 99% i’m not 95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes 96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? when I raise my eyebrows they move 97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? more often then I would like 98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forests 99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? ‘if you mess up no one’s going to notice unless you allow them to notice it’ my music teachers always say that for performances 100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I think I can be pretty convincing 101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Hufflepuff! 102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? all the time, it helps me sort out my thoughts and explain things to myself 103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? I am an introvert ( big surprise there ) and my personality type is isfj 104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yes but i’ve always been inconsistent with it 105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? yes 106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? give it to some sort of authority ( like a teacher or the police ) 107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? sure 108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? very 109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes and I love them 110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? just my ears 111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? baz and simon ( that’s two I know ) 112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no 113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? applying for literally everything 114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? not really 115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? I have glasses and I want contacts for when I do sports 116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? at some point in my life, yes 117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? I know a lot of people that are smart in different areas of life 118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? don’t really want that  on the internet 119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER?  I always end up falling asleep 120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? white, black, a lot of yellow, and red ( I have a lot more colour then I used to ) 121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yes 122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? no but my school has been 123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 14 124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? ’ good-night, helen’ the only part of jane eyre I liked 125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? depends on my mood I encourage anyone how wants to do this to go for it :)

[artificialqueens]

Sunshine, and Glory Too (Trixya) - Chapter 3 - fannyatrollop

A/N: Violet’s ball gown is supposed to resemble her S8 crowning gown. I kinda thought of Lady Sybil in her harem pants, but in red for Katya’s outfit. 

Previously On: Chapter One | Chapter Two

Katya said that she spent a lot of her childhood up in Snow Country, where Lady Sasha’s family ruled. It was difficult for an outsider to piece her past together after so many retellings and inconsistent facts, but it was possible that Katya’s ancestry could be traced back to the North. Trixie vaguely remembered mention of a grandparent they would visit when she was small, whose passing heralded much fewer visits. It was more sensible for them to chase warmth, perhaps, what with their profession, so the presence of a relative would explain things to a more satisfactory degree if true.

Trixie had first heard of this the night of the salon, when Lady Sasha approached them and subsequently engaged in what was probably hours of conversation. Trixie couldn’t be certain about how long they spoke, as she was quite tired by then and likely dozed off against Katya’s side, with fingers stroking her hair softly as their owner began chattering brightly to a brand new friend.

While she was still conscious, Trixie listened as the two bonded over a place they both held as precious in their hearts, with its strange red flowers that bloomed right through sheets of snow. Legend had it that they had been conjured to please an ancient fae queen, who had long since moved to the separate realm the fae now called home. The greater part of their numbers may have left, but ancient magic would remain always if it had the chance to lay down roots.

As a special case, Katya had resided at the Academy some years more than the royal ladies. She could no longer be disappointed by the fact that there was no hope of seeing all that snow in the wintertime, not as long as she remained where she was. At the very least, she was able to use her special glass to take a visual tour of those Northern lands she remembered so fondly.

Katya had never tried using her glass to see anything other than what her parents and the rest of the company were doing, she said she cared more about easing her loneliness than testing the limits of Ginger’s gift to her. She was properly amazed when she attempted it and was able to show Trixie the famous red flowers, so stark against the pure white backdrop.

Katya offered to let Trixie see what her father might be doing, knowing the state of affairs between her and her mother. Trixie declined, not wanting to watch as her father sired bastards and wasted their meagre income at some tavern. She did ask for a look at what Kim was up to, and found that she was in transit to an unknown destination, using a bundle as a cushion so she could sleep. Trixie hoped she would return soon. She longed to see her, though without the urgency she had felt when she did not have Katya in her life.

By the time the first fleeting snowfall of winter came upon them, memories of a time when she did not have Katya by her side had become less present in Trixie’s mind. She didn’t want to think of the day when they would have to part ways, though she once quipped that when it happened, Katya would be able to look upon her through her glass. Rather than amuse her, as her comments usually did, Katya fell into a sulk that only dissipated once Trixie had held her for some time.

***

The Winter Ball was held on the cusp of spring, but winter wasn’t much more than a sprinkling of snow here and there at the Academy anyhow, so it was fair enough to use that name. More importantly, the princes who would be coming for the Ball were just as likely to have seasonal events at their courts, events that would supersede travelling miles to take a gander at the marriage market. Any lady aged one-and-twenty was gently encouraged to attend, though attendance was strictly required of the special cases.

Kim had returned with bundles upon bundles of fine fabric. She only had time to give Trixie a quick hug before she was shuffled into a room with Violet, to help her decide on the concept for their gowns. It was more than a month before the Ball, but Trixie wouldn’t scoff at the early start to the work when it would give Kim much needed time to construct a masterpiece for Violet, as well as her two ladies.

Before their journey, Trixie and Pearl had been provided with gowns that complemented Violet’s style, to create a visual harmony between them all at the Academy. Trixie’s dresses had needed to be altered to the reality of her figure, and she often struck a discordant note to Violet and Pearl’s better matched ensembles if they all happened to be in the same space. It couldn’t be helped when the two of them dressed together, as they did most things, and Trixie was not able to coordinate with choices she was not privy to. Since the Ball was a one night event, and gowns were being made with the purpose of making a good showing there, they would finally look how they were supposed to: the princess dressed in splendour, flanked by two well-appointed ladies in, if not identical, semi-matching gowns that relate in concept to her own.

For Violet, that was the whole purpose of the evening. She had no reason to be excited about the princes’ arrival, not since she’d already made up her mind about her future husband and was engaged in convincing him to agree.

“She’s just about done wearing him down,” Pearl told her, without pausing her needlework.

“How do you think they’ll manage?” Trixie asked, tactless out of genuine curiosity. “Everyone knows he’s the only child in his family. I thought Violet would go for a younger son, she’s better off not leaving her kingdom, isn’t she?”

“Well, genius, if you had paid attention and had any knowledge of geography you’d know his lands are right next to ours,” replied Pearl. “They’ll travel to see each other from time to time, but mostly handle their kingdoms’ affairs separately. The heir will get both, and all of our descendants will then live in a country with a coastline.”

Trixie nodded. “And this is what she wants?”

Pearl sighed. “I don’t know, Trix. She has to marry someone. She talks about it like it’s a game of strategy.”

Pearl stuck her needle into her work. Trixie could see her hand trembling.

“What will become of you?”

“She says there will always be a place for me by her side and that I shouldn’t worry about being sent away with nowhere to go, like kings often do with their mistresses. You know she’d never hear of being questioned for her actions,” Pearl sighed. “I’ll always be taken care of, as long as she lives, and she will do her best to provide for me if I have to carry on after she goes. That’s all I can ask for, really. For her to love me as best as she can. She… has to be the queen.”

Tired of conversation, Pearl went back to her work. Trixie moved closer, so she could let her siphon off some of her warmth.

***

Kim forbade Trixie from helping her with the preparations for the Ball, and was so deeply engrossed in the project that she only had hope of seeing her if she needed to take measurements. It was too important an endeavor to double as a chance to socialize, and she had been provided with more qualified assistants. Trixie was decent with a needle, but she was no master. So, she continued to keep Katya company and mind her affairs as usual.

Katya was determined to ignore the Ball for as long as possible. Ginger had begun a campaign of trying to cajole her into placing some importance in the event, as it would mark her debut as a viable candidate for a royal marriage. Her heart wasn’t entirely in it, but she expressed that those above her in authority had a vested interest in Katya’s progress as a future queen consort. She had, after all, been separated from her family and friends for four long years, and this was her opportunity to reap the rewards.

Katya laughed, replying that she considered meeting Ginger and Trixie plenty rewarding.

Ginger glanced in the direction of the heavens, perhaps for guidance. As none was forthcoming, she sighed and went back to playing the mother to Katya’s recalcitrant child.

“Katya, I’m being serious with you. Your progress has been lacking, or so I’ve been told. You must show that you learned something from being here. I’m sure there will be a prince, somewhere, who will look past the hopeless mess that you insist in being and realize what a treasure you are nonetheless. But it would make me so very happy if you would make an effort for me.”

Pausing for gravity, Ginger braced herself for further opposition.

“And we need to make you a new dress.”

Katya wrinkled her nose, with all the distaste of a lady who liked to spend as much time as she could in trousers. Being so athletically-inclined lady, fashionable dresses hardly suited her. Sometimes, to help with her daily exercises, she would fashion her skirts into something like a pair of trousers, leading Ginger to crow about how it was quite useless to waste time mending that which Katya would only ruin again at her earliest opportunity.

“How stiff will it be?”

“It doesn’t have to be,” said Ginger, with a sympathetic smile. “I can make allowances for comfort, if that will make you more amenable.”

Katya, nevertheless, continued to ignore the situation to the best of her ability, preferring to take Trixie on a walk in the light snow than to linger in that conversation for much longer than she had to. The temperature was such that the snowflakes vanished on impact with the ground. Still, they held each other close out of their own preference.

After that, they relaxed by the fire with hot apple cider, and drifted off to bed when it got too late.

“I’m getting a new dress made, too,” said Trixie, with Katya safe in her arms.

“For the Ball? You’ll be there?”

“Of course. I am of age, and I cannot allow my princess to go unaccompanied. Not for such a special occasion.”

Katya suddenly became more alert.

“Are you going to be married too?”

Trixie snorted.

“No, not yet,” she said. “No sensible prince would cast their eye on a lady in waiting, not for marriage at least.”

Katya hummed, settled back down to rest her head against Trixie’s chest.

“No sensible prince would ever look at me either,” she muttered. “I’m too loony, even by royal standards.”

She then mumbled something about Trixie being the softest pillow she could have, and promptly fell asleep.

***

As expected of anything Kim got her hands on, Violet’s gown was a work of fine art. It was a deep blue, with floral embroidery and a wide skirt. She could use the neck as a cowl, and when she pulled it up over her dark curls she looked positively regal.

Trixie and Pearl were pillars of white and gold; their gowns had more narrow skirts, and were pale cream in colour with golden embroidery. Their hair was done up similar to Violet’s, with little ornamental stars woven in. Trixie had never felt so elegant in her life. She had to be gently pried away from the looking glass before she wound up forever staring at her reflection in shock.

The evening of Violet’s selection had been stately, but it was nothing like the Winter Ball at the Academy in splendour. For the first time, however, Trixie did not feel underdressed. Sharp eyes would notice she was dressed just like another lady, and a small thing like that was enough to betray her place in the social hierarchy. A princess’ ladies were not at the Academy for their own advantage, for all that they could enjoy their stay just as well. It was better for Trixie, though, since she could enjoy being beautiful for an evening without the pressure of making herself agreeable to a potential suitor.

Adore had been indecisive about attending. Like many of the non-human ladies, she had no real need or interest in making a marriage alliance, and too many of the attendees would be focusing on that to be satisfying companions. She deigned to bless them with her presence in the end, because she loved a good party. She had little shells woven into her hair by some art, and wore a loose, shimmery green gown. Trixie talked with her for a good portion of the night, and found a space with which to dance a little. Adore lacked grace on land, all the while swearing she was an excellent dancer in the water, but as always her good humour made up for her shortcomings as a partner.

Ginger and Katya had reached a compromise in terms of her evening attire. In order to allow her full freedom of movement, Ginger concocted silk trousers made presentable with a delicate bodice, and a diadem for her hair. It was all done up in shades of red, Katya’s favouritecolour. Ginger’s supervision of her charge had lapsed in regards to actually dressing her hair. It sprouted, loose and wild, around the ornament she would fiddle with if her hands were free.

Katya had explained that she had agreed to focus on dancing with the princes, or at least talking with them, until around half past eleven, at which point she could quit the ballroom if she wished. She often called upon Ginger to conjure up the time for her, sometimes while a bemused prince looked on. Trixie once caught her showing another how she could coax her leg over her shoulder.

They would often catch each other’s eye, as Trixie found it far too easy to track Katya’s movements, and Katya would pause to find her in the crowd if she was no longer where she had last seen her. Dancing and talking with Adore, or holding Pearl’s hand when Violet allowed a few lucky princes the privilege of dancing with her, prevented her from staring too much.

Adore had whispered to her about how her lover was approaching as they spoke, so Trixie only smiled when a pair of hands covered her eyes from behind. She felt like as long as it was that pair of hands, she would never be startled.

“Are you quite tired of dancing?” Trixie said, as Katya granted her use of her eyes once again.

“I’m tired of all the fun I’m having,” Katya replied, spinning her so that they were facing each other. Trixie studied her face carefully, looking for and finding signs of stress. There was a tightness about her smile, radiant as it was despite itself, and her eyes were stretched a touch too wide.

“Why don’t we run away for a bit?”

Trixie was glad to see a sliver of the tension melt away from Katya’s face as she nodded with a grin.

***

Katya’s grip on Trixie’s hand was tight as she let herself be pulled outside. The night was clear, and they had both been covered in a warming charm from having run into Ginger on their way out. Trixie loved the stars at the Academy; the sky was not dotted with stars so much as the stars were dotted with small patches of sky. They walked into the gardens, close enough to the hall that they could still hear the music, much softened by distance. They found a patch of grass they could both lie down on if they pleased. Katya didn’t care about any harm that might come to her clothing from plopping herself on the ground. Even though Trixie did care a little bit, as her dress was very fine and had been made by a dear friend, she let herself drop as well, kicking off her slippers, and letting them lay at her side.

Trixie watched as Katya slowly settled into a relaxed state, her smile melting away as a consequence, her features softening.

“I’m trying to think of a word to describe how you look tonight,” said Katya, barely above a whisper.

“Are you?”

Katya hummed an affirmative.

“I’m torn between heavenly and… Oh, I can’t remember the other one.”

Trixie giggled. “I’ll take heavenly.”

Katya rolled onto her side, reached out to touch one of the stars in Trixie’s hair. Trixie focused her mind on the faint music still seeping from inside. She thought of how she’d watched princes attempt to lead Katya in dance after dance. She hummed along to the tune. Katya’s fingers traced down from her hairline to her jaw.

Trixie touched the corner of one of Katya’s eyes with her thumb. They were both lying on their side, facing each other. Trixie loved the colour of Katya’s eyes. She was reminded of Adore singing a love song to the sea so many nights before as she looked at them.

“Would you dance with me?”

Trixie didn’t know why Katya said it so softly, and she’d never seen her so still unless she’d been lulled her into that state. But Trixie nodded, raised herself back to her feet, and turned to pull Katya up as well.

They couldn’t quite figure out who would do the leading, but they could follow each other’s steps well enough. Trixie had never had a dance partner that was as short as Katya was compared to her, and Katya was not wholly proficient with the ballroom style of dancing. Trixie didn’t care about any of that, only that the music was sweet, and that they slowly came together into an embrace.

“My lady,” whispered Katya, and Trixie’s heart spilled the secret it had been hiding rather poorly from her consciousness.

Trixie’s very first kiss took place under moonlight, as did her second and third. Katya soon held her hand and led her back to her chambers.

[wand3ringstardust]

Winter break is the first time i’ve fully been able to process what happened with the last guy I dated.. and it led to me just spillin all kinds of tea so enjoy the novella if you choose to read:

I’ve been ruminating over it and I wish I could stop; but let me tell you, hindsight is 20/20. Sure I told some of my friends about the last date that actually made me break up with him, but I realized I didn’t allow myself to process everything and they probably don’t even know everything. 

Since I took the LSAT literally the weekend after I broke up with him, I had to table the feelings as best I could and focus. And then this semester has been so overwhelming I just didn’t sort of “debrief” properly I think.

I finally really thought about it all from the first messages/date through last encounter and I finally see him for who he is. I’m also convinced this guy was actually a narcissist and possibly sociopath and probably would have turned physically abusive at some point. 

Not only did he treat me poorly, but I think the bigger affront is realizing that I don’t really know who he was or is.

First messages and communication:

In the beginning he mirrored certain things that he knew that I valued. For instance, before our first date he really hyped up the religion thing. As someone who’s a fairly devote Christian even I thought he was laying it on a little thick; like “oh you inspired me to read the bible,” or “one prayer can change everything,” but I didn’t say anything because i’m like he’s trying to shoot his shot and i’m gonna let him even though he’s not slick with it at all. It came out later on that he’s not really religious, which I would’ve been okay with but he didn’t tell me that and even took me to freaking Catholic Mass as part of the first date.

He kept books on MLK and Gandhi in his room which he would talk about and made himself seem like this do-gooder/ I care about society and people type person. I remember he told me he wanted to be a lawyer too. He even had this huge LSAT study calendar he showed me on his wall so naturally I believed him, because who goes through such lengths otherwise.

So without the inconsistencies yet revealed to me, you can start to see why someone like me would be attracted to someone like him, but it was all a facade.

He told me he wanted to be an immigration lawyer, which ended up not being true. He slowly shifted to what he really wanted to do the more I got to know him. However, I remember towards the end, maybe a week or two leading up to the break up we were talking about refugees and Trump and he said he really didn’t care what happens to them at all- shocking. So naturally I ask him about the immigration law thing but of course he has a feasible excuse. 

First date:

Now the first date was so nice and he was respectful and generous. The only weird feeling is that there was one point we we’re walking at night and i’m a few steps behind him and I just got this really strange feeling that I didn’t know him at all. I chalked it up to it being the first date and nerves related to that. I didn’t feel sparks but I’ve had an instant crazy connection before and it didn’t turn out too well, so you know I decided to give it time. 

-----

It’s only recently that I started piecing together the inconsistencies and all of the seemingly little red flags that are now glaring that I ignored. My only defense is that the obvious bad behavior started toward the end:

Pushing for commitment:

He pressured me about making it official a week or two before the breakup. When he asked me on the phone about asking me at soon to be his girlfriend I hesitated because I really wasn’t expecting to have that conversation. He said I was sounding sus and then I explained that I wanted to wait and why. I told him I was only seeing him, and that I wanted to be with him but it was too soon. Prior he had told me that he never wants to get married and I tried to get him to rethink, I wasn’t trying to marry him or anything, just to be open to the idea of the institution someday. And whatever I said he used my same words to try to manipulate me into being his girlfriend. He was really laying it on thick saying he knew my story when we really didn’t know enough about each other well enough. He said there was only one of him and once he’s gone that’s it. Only after badgering me and myself holding firm, did he back off and say that we could go at my pace.

It had also been enough time where it would be appropriate to meet my friends but he refused and even said something about not wanting them to influence my decision. That was super weird. 

Date planning:

Early on he cancelled dates the day of. I’m pretty flexible with friends but last minute rescheduling and cancelling is a huge pet peeve of mine with dating because it shows a disregard of my time and the fact that I took time into getting ready sometimes even spending money to do so. The first time I was hanging out with my friend before hand so it wasn’t a day lost and she convinced me to give him a second chance. I thought I was being harsh so I did. But then he did it a couple other times, mind you we only date for about 2 months.

He would often ask for my input on date ideas, but we always ended up doing what he wanted. 

last week: 

Last minute cancelling and physical touch:

So the last week I think we saw each other twice. One was supposed to be a date, but he got caught up “last minute” with a project. I had stuff to work on too so I suggested we meet up and study together. That day he would jokingly pinch my thighs so I’d try to pinch him back and he also called me thunder thighs. The comment didn’t bother me a lot because I’m fine with my body but I thought it was odd. 

I commented on how he never hugs me and he gave me the hardest pick me up bear hug, to the point where it hurt. He also picked me up and spun me around so fast I almost fell and he had to hold me up. And then at one point he put me on the desk and was just kind of playing rough like pretended to choke me but didn’t actually. By this point there are alarm bells going off but I hold off on making a decision.

On the way back to our cars there’s barely anyone outside and it’s dark out. I jokingly “bump” into him with my hip in like a flirty way and he goes that’s too much pda. (last time I used that trick on a guy it got me a kiss ; ) but oh well)  I look back and note the irony because he inquired about sex should we get into an official relationship but he was far from affectionate and NEVER kissed me, not even on the cheek, and never any handholding. I also remember one time driving in his car he would "playfully" push my head or when I tried to change the music on his phone, he would flick me. It didn’t particularly hurt with the head thing but I was just kinda like ??? and he goes idk what I’m doing/ why I did that.

General lack of empathy:

The weekend before the last date I tried to change the date time to a little earlier because I wasn’t feeling well and also didn’t want to be out late because I had to study and prefer to do that at night and tried to run errands beforehand. I got my period that morning AND unbeknownst to me at the time I was having a reaction to meds I had been taking for a while which led to some pretty gross digestive side effects so I didn’t go into detail in explaining exactly what was wrong with me. He also mentioned doing something spooky at night in a park, but I wasn’t feeling that idea, so even more of a reason to make the date earlier. He was upset but kept his cool and said we should just reschedule.

I got worse and I felt so sick that night and his reaction was.. different. He called me, I had been asleep and explained that I just woke up to his call which you could tell by my voice and that I was still not feeling well and all he said was interesting repeatedly. I can’t say for sure but I definitely got the vibe that he was trying to see if I was telling the truth or not. But he never asked if I was okay or voiced any concern.

Another time I also burned the absolute fuck out of my hand with a hair straightener (like it is still scarred to this day) and he flicked it, it was dark so in his defense he didn’t know it was the burned hand but he didn’t say sorry or anything or if I brought up that it was particularly hurting he just wouldn’t respond to it.

side notes:

On occasion he would message me to see what I was doing when he knew I was out with people or would inquire about it when we talked. In the beginning this seemed normal because he’s just “getting to know me,” but as time went on I found it kind of intrusive and rude so I’d just said hey I’m out so I’m not gonna be on my phone after x time.

Two side things I remember, and I have no idea why it went over my head but once he nonchalantly said I shouldn’t trust a word he says and another time he said I have bad taste in guys. Thought he was joking, maybe self deprecating humor and sarcasm, but in hindsight he was telling me exactly who he was.

Last date:

A couple of days before the last date he called me and we were talking on the phone like normal, then he suggested going out on a date. I had the LSAT in a week so I really wanted to stay home. It has high time anxiety!! And he said something about also being a student and knowing damn well I wasn’t going to study all the time. It was rude but he also wasn’t wrong so I caved. Again noting the manipulation in retrospect.

During this conversation he said he would call back with plans. When he called back he didn't have any, so we were trying to solidify ideas. He wanted to play tennis but the place on campus was closed. I tried finding a park in between us and he just seemed to be getting annoyed. I even messaged one of my friends to find a spot who lives in my town and plays tennis and he acted weird because it was a male name. One place I suggested which happens to be in the town I was hanging out with a friend before and he asks where she is like she’s in NYC where she lives??? (like being paranoid as if she would show up where we were). So during this phone call he then said he had to go soon to read a book. I told him that since he had to go I could call him back with plans. He asked why I would do that and I said because he just told me he had to read and he said he never said that. It was just so bizarre that he would act like he didn’t say something minutes ago. Again, now knowing about gaslighting for some reason he was trying to make me question my reality.

So we settle on going to a mall in between us rather than me traveling literally an hour to a park where he wanted to go. 

So the day of the last date he complains SO much:

First about the parking. Before he insisted that he drive me and I said no that I would meet him there. I like having control over when I can leave and I’m so glad I stuck to that on that day.

He complained about being able to find me even though I said let’s meet inside the food court.

I told him I was standing outside of x parking row so he could find me and he sarcastically said, "oh well it's a good thing you're 6 feet."

Then when we walk in he said we should’ve gone to a mall he liked in a faraway town. This was one the few dates I got to pick only after him being difficult about what he wanted to do before. I would have done his date idea but he was unwilling to compromise on a location in between us and was somehow paranoid that one of my friends would show up if it was too close to me. He said he liked people who were assertive and can take charge because if they’re not they’re insecure and that’s not attractive, but rarely did we actually go on a date where the activity was something I suggested. The plans would always somehow change to what he wanted. When he made the assertive comment I knew he was bullying me because I couldn’t think of an idea quick enough off the top of my head.

While in the mall he would say he wants to go to a nearby store that’s close by but not in the mall. So i’d ask if he wants to leave and he says no.

And he took the fun out of it and only looked at stuff he liked.

Other strange behavior on the date:

I’d do something funny, like I know how to put on the cute charm, and he would walk away and act like I was embarrassing him.

He kept complaining that someone smelled musty and insinuated it was me. It definitely was not because I showered right before I left and shave my underarms so I ended up washing them twice!

I was also particularly anxious that day so I had on lavender essential oil and thought maybe he wasn’t used to the scent so I waved my wrist in front of him and asked if that was the smell. Well he got upset that I did that in front of people to see?

He was also paranoid that people would overhear a conversation. It was vague enough so no one but us knew what I was talking about. The conversation had to do with him being concerned that a random gay guy in his neighborhood was looking at him and I made a joke saying how do you know you're even their type. He brought this up more than once and he had also said something the last week about something being “gay.” So I was concerned that he might be homophobic which we also had a conversation about because that's something I have zero tolerance for.

He also pointed out people and asked if he looked like this person would I still like him.

I would ask him a question like something actually engaging and interesting and he would flat out ignore me or say I don’t know.

We ended up in a bookstore because he was unhappy with what we were doing before and I was trying really trying to salvage the date at this point.

There he made some weird comment asking about my sister (which he knew I was estranged from) as if he was interested in her, but like it kind of went over my head because she’s just super messed up and I was kind of like oh like you don’t wanna go out with her.

Main reason I broke up with him:

I saw this cute writing prompt book, opened to a random page that asked what was on my bucket list. I asked what was on his and he said idk and refused to answer.

So we move to this section that has two genre books right next to each with also happens to be our individual majors. So he’s looking at his books and i’m looking at mine. Well I found a book that said c**t. I said “look this is so gross I hate this word”. He looks up and says “c**t, like you”. I was visibly upset and he kept a straight face, he wasn't joking and didn’t even look up from his book. I said bet, well noted and walked away for several minute. When I came back around he had his nose buried in the same book. He didn't apologize until when I was breaking up through text. I know some people use the word and it’s not a big deal, but we don’t even come from cultural backgrounds where that word is normal or even used. Weeks prior, he asked me a hypothetical question about marriage and about what would make me get a divorce and I said abuse in any form (physical, verbal, emotional, etc.) and before he had said shut up I said it is fine jokingly but I don’t like it because it can be a slippery slope if you get made and then really mean it. I had talked about how important language is in a relationship for me. So he was very clearly violating a boundary I had already established.

I didn't know how he would respond to confrontation, plus I realized I was carrying his keys so I couldn’t just run off, so I decided to end the date early and handle the situation later. So we're walking back to our cars and I'm visibly not okay. I’m just pissed off and really hurt, but that translated to me being really quiet, twisting the bag furiously and walking super fast. He asked if he could see the book I bought and tried to make eye contact with me although I refused to look at him. He then decides to ask what's on my bucket list. I say I don't know. When we got to our cars he asked if I wanted to go get dinner like totally ignoring what just happened and that something is obviously wrong. So I said no I'll pick something up and left. Later that night he texted me saying thanks and that he had fun??? And that's when the breakup texts started. His apology was weak and he said “yeah sorry sometimes words fly out my mouth to quick at times” and that he understood why I was upset and apologized. And I was basically like thanks for apologizing but you still said it which is significant”  and ended it. 

After that two days went by before he replied and I think it’s just because of a screenshot of a tweet I had retweeted I posted that he saw. It said, “how others treat you is there path and how I react was mine” and I had retweeted it and said “needed to hear that.”

So the next message he tried to throw a bunch of compliments at me (like that’s cute and all but I already know who I am and you definitely didn’t treat me like I had all those qualities). But what was glaring about that message was that fact that he said he shouldn't have been blunt that day, implying that he believes what he said was accurate but he just shouldn’t have said it.

After I ended things he asked if we could still be friends. I said yes even though I didn't meant it. I haven't spoken to him at all since. 

About a week after breaking up we must have left campus this particular night at the same time because his car cut me off out of no where. He decided to switch lanes while still in my blindspot, almost causing an accident.

This may not mean anything at all, but I realized afterwards that he has 3 fb pages, I had never seen the other 2 before. Who does that and why??? 

Andd Aftermath: 

Although I try to see the best in people, I always considered myself to be super cautious and generally don’t trust people easily so i’m kinda beating myself up over the fact that I allowed all of this happen. Like with dates I always kept them in a public space. The fact is my gut told me something was off, but I was so anxious about the LSAT that I thought the anxiety was just from that and not him and I didn’t trust it.

So now i’m at the stage of realizing he treated me really badly, the most was towards then end, but I just wish I noticed sooner.

Now I know that the person he presented in the beginning was just a facade to lure me in and it’s just so eerie to know it was a lie and to not know who he truly was.

I feel like I just always attract crazy, ill-intentioned people and that’s not my type at all! 

(Blast to the Past)

There was the guy from a high school summer program cohort, who lived in a nearby state, who started messaging me about a year and a half ago and ended up wasting my time. 

So the story goes this guy would text me everyday. It was platonic but he definitely made it seem like he was interested. (consistent communication, sharing personal things, asking advice on personal things, asking how I was, etc.) I found out he had a girlfriend, which ok fine but it was shady that he never mentioned her. So I stopped talking to him plus I was sorta distracted w/ someone else at the time. Well, he just texted me recently after A WHOLE YEAR of no communication in any form talkin bout wassup (with this lame ass sunglass wearing emoji). He wasn’t even cute to be quite honest and I’ve learned a l o t since the last time we talked so I ignored him.

And the person I was distracted with at the time was this stalker witch who somehow always showed up where I was even after we broke up. So me and this guy I met had this instant incredible connection, like we talked for hours the night we met and it just felt like i’ve known him, like super easy to talk to. Although he had traits that annoyed me overall it was pretty great (aside from huge thing he was lying about). I’ve always been uncomfortable being vulnerable, but with him I felt like I was able to be more physical and share my feelings and things I don’t talk to other people about and he was just a lot of fun. Looking back maybe there was some love bombing going on because I fell fast in like and caught feelings.

Fast forward and I found out he was a witch. We talked about religion and he mentioned mediating but I never thought in the witchcraft way (and that’s something I’ve never been exposed to). He talked about growing up muslim but not being religious so I thought oh he believes in God, he’s just not religious. Ending that was so very painful for me. He would always end up finding me and talking to me and I never got enough space until after he graduated. Even after he still found reasons to contact me until I blocked him. Each time he saw and spoke to me was like picking at a fresh scab. He even had the audacity to feel some type of way and thought I was judging him because of his beliefs. Like I’m very tolerant of people doing what they want as long as they don’t hurt others, but I deserved to know the truth and to choose for myself. Like how selfish to knowingly let someone fall for you and lie knowing there’s something about you that is fundamentally (cannot express fundamentally enough) against their belief system. As much as it hurt, if I have to choose between someone and God, I will always choose my Creator. If I knew from the beginning, none of that would have ever happened.

These are just the guys that made the list. There have been other freaks that have approached me.

-----

I really don’t understand because i’m not into “bad boys,” “fuck boys” or anything like that. I honestly just really want to be with a kind, sweet guy someday who has a genuinely good heart. But I seem to attract the wrong people, even outside of romance.

So the worst part for me I think is feeling like a perpetual magnet for crazy or ill-intentioned people, and in this last case, not noticing that he was a bad person sooner and for allowing someone to treat me so poorly. I know i’m a decent person overall, but part of me still wonders what’s wrong with me that I’m not good enough in their eyes to be treated with kindness and respect and honesty. (And yeah Ik that’s flawed thinking, but it’s what I thought and i’m working on changing that narrative.)

After these experiences how do I trust my judgement when it’s time to let someone else in again?

I am genuinely very intelligent, at least book smart, I can give good relationship advice to others, but when it comes to myself I just feel so freaking dumb. 

I think that’s everything I need to let out. If not i’ll come back and edit.

I am journaling all of this so that I can let it go in the hopes of moving on and not bringing this with me into the new year. Also maybe someone can learn from my experiences.