#Ignore my lighting abilities haha

[springsketches]

A demon boy who loves his human gf. A human girl who feels safe with her demon bf. Their cat who is enjoying their company. A demon boy who loves his human gf. A human girl who feels safe with her demon bf. Their cat who is enjoying their company. A demon boy who loves his human gf. A human girl who feels safe with her demon bf. Their cat who is enjoying their company. A demon boy who loves his human gf. A human girl who feels safe with her demon bf. Their cat who is enjoying their company.

I FINISHED! I somehow was able to finish my brimstone and roses piece before the series finale! It’s movie night for the trio! Glad I was able to slip Ginger in there somehow ha ha.

Thank you @speremint for her lovely comic. Please go read it all before it’s over in 3 weeks

[malachiteclouds]

Hello my love💗What are your thoughts sun in 8th house? sorry if it bothers, thankyou sm!!! big love to you🥺💞🌷

Awwww big love to you too! It's no bother, sorry to get back to you so late haha. I have this aspect so I feel well equipped to explain it

Sun In 8th House / (can be applied to Sun/Pluto aspects or Sun in Scorpio)

The sun represents our individuality, self expression, ego, and will. It shines a light wherever it is in the birth chart. The house/sign that it's in gets illuminated and put on display for ourselves and others, it shines very brightly and can be tightly wound to the way we express ourselves and/or are perceived by others.

This can be a struggle when in the 8th house because it is where we keep our secrets and want to retain a sense of privacy and secrecy. It's the most vulnerable and intimate parts of us that we prefer to keep to ourselves or people we trust deeply and unconditionally. It's the part of ourselves that undergoes the raw experience of death, transformation, and rebirth. when the sun is here, it acts like a giant, bright, beaming light onto this close and raw part of our chart that many people are able to keep hidden. think of it like a spotlight that gets shown onto the raw parts of you for the entire world to see. These people often have their secrets and private life exposed no matter how they try to avoid it. people seem to feel entitled to always be in their business and give unsolicited advice, judgements, and opinions to them. especially if the native is a woman, a lot of people can have opinions on her sexuality. she can be seen as provocative or at the least just a whole lot of people "know" things about her sex life (a rumor about body count, a bad/good sex story, nudes being leaked [if in pisces or aspected to neptune], sexuality on display in an almost unavoidable way). Some of this judgement can be casted on by her father as the sun is the "father" in astrology.

However, as the light (sun) shines brightly for the world to see, this includes the native as well. people with this placement have a remarkable gift of self transformation and metamorphosis. They are often aware of the deepest and darkest parts of themselves at a degree not many people are and have a great drive and determination to become the most evolved version of themselves constantly. This awareness sometimes comes without choice, and if they try to avoid it or ignore it it can fester into an inflated ego or power issues. this only comes when the native blocks the transformation journey their soul is destined to take. They are destined to be born, die, and then be reborn many many times in this single lifetime. They take their own self discovery very seriously and unraveling the mysteries of the self tend to be their main objective in this lifetime. These people are the kinds of people who you stop talking to then a year later they are a completely different version of themselves. it is almost impossible for these people to remain the same, as their entire will to life is to change!

This self awareness can manifest into a keen awareness of the darkness that exists in others. While most people project onto them or try to weasel their way into this natives business, this projection only aids the native in the ability to read them like a book (once the native learns that the perception people have of others comes from how they see themselves). Once they unlock the ability to detach from other peoples perceptions, they gain the ability to turn the "spotlight" back around and see people clearly. They can see peoples darkest secrets, deep insecurities, projections, and denial through their own lack of introspection. For a lot of people, it can take years to begin detangling the web of the 8th house, but the sun can be a blessing in disguise here as these natives have no other choice but to unravel it all.

[sequinsmile-x]

Glissade

(glis·​sade) Noun. A gliding step in ballet

She was grateful that her mother showed up for the kids, but she couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. That she didn’t feel jealous that Elizabeth could do for her grandchildren what she’d never been able to do for her. It made her ache. Made her feel like the little girl she’d once been, standing in a room a little too similar to this one, waiting for her mother to arrive. 

-x-

Hi friends,

This was literally inspired by a tiktok I saw of a little girl smiling when she saw her mum in the crowd at a recital. Of course, it couldn't just be straight up fluff...so the mommy issues got involved.

I feel like everyone should know that @cloudlessly-light massively encouraged this as she sat on my couch this weekend haha

As always, please let me know what you think!

-x-

Words: 3.1k

Warnings: None

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

April 1976

She peeks through the curtain separating the stage from the audience. She presses her lips together as she desperately looks for a familiar face in the sea of parents sitting and chatting as they wait for the dance recital to start. The sick feeling deep in her stomach she’d been feeling all afternoon gets worse as she doesn’t see her mom - an empty seat where she should be standing out in the crowd. 

“Emily, sweetie,” Mrs Stockton says, her hand on Emily’s back as she crouches next to her. Emily turns to look at her, her eyebrows furrowing as her tummy ache worsens, “We need to get started.”

Emily swallows thickly, her eyes burning as her vision goes blurry, tears she knew her mom would be mad at her for gathering at her lashline, “But my Mommy isn’t here yet.” 

She said she’d come. Emily had asked her every day for the last week if she would be here and she’d said yes, she’d promised that she’d come. 

“Your Mommy called,” Mrs Stockton says, her smile kind as she tucks some of Emily’s hair behind her ear, a stray strand having escaped the tight bun she’d put it in for her when she arrived, “She got caught up with work. She said Mr Wright, your driver, will pick you up when we’re done.” 

It takes a second for her teacher's words to sink in, and her chest feels tight, the rolling in her stomach all morning rushing upwards and for a moment she thinks she’s going to be sick. She swallows it back down, not wanting to throw up in front of her classmates, their whispers to each other as they watch Mrs Stockton talk to her loud despite how she tries to ignore them. 

“But…she promised.” 

Mrs Stockton sighs sympathetically, “I know she did sweetie,” she says, “I’m sorry.” 

Emily nods and wipes a tear from her cheek as it falls, knowing what her mom would say if she was here. She’d tell her she shouldn’t cry, that Prentiss’s were strong - whatever that meant. She’d only ever seen her mom cry once, although she was sure she hadn’t seen her. It was just after Emily had seen her dad for the last time a few months ago. She’d had a nightmare and tried to find her mom and eventually sought her out in her office. She’d stopped when she was in the doorway, her fist still lifted to knock, because she always had to knock, when she heard crying. 

She’d walked back to her room, her favourite stuffed animal still hanging from her hand, and decided to look after herself. Something that she thinks she’ll have to start doing a lot more of. 

“Okay,” Emily says, forcing a smile, one she’d always been told looked exactly like her mother’s, “I’m ready.” 

___

“We’re late.” 

Aaron has to stop himself from sighing, well aware that his wife was on edge and that anything was liable to push her over it. Ever since they’d woken up that morning she’d been anxious, a tension in her shoulders visible from the second she’d climbed out of bed. It was something only their children could bring out in her, a constant fear that she was letting them down forever lingering under her skin. She would practically vibrate with it, doubt in her abilities as a mother never far away. He hated that she doubted herself, that she couldn’t see what he could. That she was the centre of their children’s worlds. That Jack, Violet and Benjamin all sought her out at any given opportunity, never tiring of the unrelenting love she has for them.

He briefly looks at her hands, at the way she twists her rings around her finger - a nervous habit that had long since replaced picking at her cuticles, and he feels his heart ache for her. He swallows the sigh, covering it by clearing his throat, and he reaches over the centre console to squeeze Emily’s thigh, smiling when she immediately places her hand over his, linking their fingers together as she tries to draw comfort from him. 

“We’re not late, sweetheart,” he assures her, raising their joint hands to kiss her knuckles before he lets go of her hand to place it back on the steering wheel, “We’ll be there before it starts.” 

She hums absentmindedly and looks over her shoulder to the back of the car, her anxiety slipping away for a moment as she watches Benjamin in his car seat. His tiny hands and one of his feet visible from where he’s facing the back of the car - the 10-month-old’s love of taking his shoes off at any given opportunity well known. She reaches back and touches his hand, smiling when he starts to babble and wraps his fist around one of her fingers. 

“You excited to watch your sister dance, sweet boy?” She asks, her smile getting wider when his babbling gets louder, “Me too,” she says before she turns back to face the front of the car, her hand back in her lap. She feels her stomach twist when she checks her watch again, the minutes slipping by far too quickly for her liking, “She has to know we’re there, Aaron. It’s her first dance recital.” 

Violet had been excited about it for weeks. She’d talked non-stop about the recital, practising at any given opportunity, her brows furrowed together as she tried to remember the routine her dance teacher had taught her. She’d reminded them that morning before they left for work and they’d promised they’d be there, that she’d be able to see them in the crowd, and she’d smiled so widely just the memory of it made Emily ache. 

“We’re almost there, Em,” he says, briefly looking at her before he’s focusing on the road again, “Just another couple of minutes.” 

She huffs out a breath and rests her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes for a second as she tries to centre herself, “I know you probably think I’m being ridiculous-”

“Never,” he replies sincerely, forcing a smile to pass across her face as she shakes her head at him, looking at him through the side of her eyes before she carries on.

“But my mom never came to this kind of thing. And…I just want to do better,” she smiles sadly at him, avoiding his eye contact by looking in the back of the car again, her eyes fixed on Benjamin as he works to take off his other shoe, “I never want them to know how it feels to not have us in the room with them, you know?” 

Not for the first time, and he knows not for the last, irritation aimed at his mother-in-law licks through him, his grip on the steering wheel tightening ever so slightly. He knew most, if not all, of Emily’s insecurity about being a mother, came from what her relationship with Elizabeth looked like. She’d told him once, shortly after they found out Violet was a girl, that she was worried she wouldn’t be any good at raising a daughter. She’d stared at her lap, tears burning in her eyes as she quietly admitted to him she was convinced that something was missing in her, that her own mother’s lack of a maternal nature was genetic. A cycle she was sure she’d never be able to escape. 

He wished he could have shown her then where she was now, how she was their 4-year-old’s favourite person in the entire world. How Violet would beam the second she’d see Emily, her smile wide as she’d run over to her and fling herself into her arms. 

“I know,” he replies reaching for her hand and squeezing it again, “We are doing better,” he assures her, “Did your mom ever confirm if she was coming today?” 

Emily laughs humourlessly and shakes her head, relief washing over her as they finally pull into the school’s parking lot, “No. I didn’t tell Vi that I invited her, that way she can’t be disappointed if she doesn’t show up,” she says, barely waiting for him to turn off the car’s engine before she’s out of it, rounding the car to get Benjamin. She smiles widely at him as she opens the door and unbuckles him, “There’s my sweet barefoot boy.” 

She presses several kisses on his cheek as she lifts him into her arms, the giggle he releases one of her favourite sounds in the world. She kisses him one more time before she hands him over to Aaron, her smile impossibly wider at the sight of them together.

“Mom!” 

She turns just in time to see Jack running towards her, his arms out-stretched as he hugs her, “Hi honey,” she replies, smiling at Jessica as she walks towards them, “Have you been here long?” 

“We just got here,” Jessica says, “You guys made good time.”

Aaron chokes on a laugh, the sound breaking free from his chest before he can stop it, and Emily turns to look at him, her eyes narrowed as she points at him.

“Not a word.” 

Aaron smiles and nods, exchanging an amused look with Jessica before he nods towards the school, “We should go in. Find some seats.” 

Emily hums and wraps her arm around Jack’s shoulders, squeezing him closer as they walk in tandem. He’s telling her about his day, enthusiastically filling her in about what he’d learned at school and the fun he and his friends had at recess, when she spots a familiar face in the school hall, leaving her frozen in place. 

“Mother?” 

Elizabeth smiles and stands up from her seat in the front row, waving them over to the empty seats next to her, “Emily, Aaron - I saved you all some seats.” 

Emily falters a little bit, rooted to the spot until she feels the warmth of Aaron’s chest against her back and Benjamin’s tiny fingers tangling in her hair. She clears her throat and walks over to her mother, casting a glance over her shoulder at her husband, grateful for the assurance she felt whenever he was near.

“Mother, hi,” she says, leaning in to stamp a kiss against her mother’s cheek as she hugs her, “I didn’t realise you were coming.” 

She scoffs as she briefly hugs Emily before she pulls Jack into a hug, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” she says, as if it’s obvious, as if she doesn’t have a track record of missing this exact kind of thing, “I got here early so we could sit in the front row.” 

Emily nods, her lips pressed tightly together as she clears her throat, pushing the hurt and repressed anger she’d been hiding for years down into her gut, “Well, I know Vi will appreciate it.” 

“Will everyone please take their seats, we are about to begin.” 

The teacher’s voice cuts across any other conversation, and after a rushed greeting between Elizabeth, Jessica and Aaron they all take their seats. Emily sits with Jack on one side of her and Aaron on the other, Benjamin pressed between the two of them, his fingers tangled in her shirt even though he’s still in Aaron’s arms. She can feel her mother’s gaze burning into her side. The sensation was achingly familiar and she does her best to ignore it. 

She was grateful that her mother showed up for the kids, but she couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. That she didn’t feel jealous that Elizabeth could do for her grandchildren what she’d never been able to do for her. It made her ache. Made her feel like the little girl she’d once been, standing in a room a little too similar to this one, waiting for her mother to arrive. 

Everyone applauds when the kids walk out on stage, all nervous and some of them slightly unsteady on their feet. Emily immediately spots Violet and she can see just how anxious her little girl is, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she looks at the crowd clearly seeking her out. It’s obvious the moment Violet spots her. Her face lights up, her shoulders loosen as she immediately relaxes, her smile wide as she waves at Emily. 

Emily waves back, pride and love overwhelming her as she blows out a shaky breath, tears she doesn’t entirely understand making her vision blur. She jumps slightly when Aaron places his hand on her leg and she looks up at him, her smile soft as their eyes meet and she sees the same proud tears shining right back at her.

___

“Okay, sweet girl,” Emily says, tucking Violet’s bedding around her, “It’s time to go to sleep.”

Violet smiles sleepily at her, her usual attempts at fighting bedtime nowhere to be found, “Today was fun.”

Emily hums and runs her fingers through Violet’s hair, “It was nice, huh?” She says, “You did so good baby.” 

“Thanks, Mommy.” 

She stands up and kisses Violet’s forehead, “You’re welcome,” she kisses her forehead again, “You get some sleep, okay? You know where Daddy and I are if you need us.” 

She nods and wraps her arms around her favourite toy, “Love you, Mama.”

“Love you too, Vi,” she replies, taking a moment to watch her from the doorway before she switches out the light and steps out into the hallway. She jumps when she almost immediately walks into Elizabeth, her hand over her heart as she gasps, “Jesus, Mother. What are you doing up here?” 

“Jack asked me to put him to bed,” she replies, her arms crossed over her chest, “I don’t get a chance to do it often so I said I would. Where’s Aaron?” 

“He’s on Benny duty tonight,” Emily says as she starts to walk towards the stairs, “He doesn’t like to fall asleep alone so Aaron will be there for a while,” she smiles when her mother laughs politely, “Thank you for coming today - and for staying for dinner. I know it meant a lot to Vi.” 

“Of course I came,” Elizabeth nods as they head into the kitchen and Emily goes to the fridge to get out some wine, “She’s my granddaughter.” 

Emily scoffs, unable to stop herself, her nerves shot after a long day. She was so happy for Violet that she had so many people in her life, that they’d filled half a row and been sat right there as she danced slightly out of beat with the music, but she was also jealous. Jealous that she’d never had anyone - not even one person sitting there to cheer her along. It felt wrong and made her feel like the worst mother in the world, but she couldn’t help it. It felt like a rock low and heavy in her belly, forcing her to say something she’d usually keep to herself.

“Well, I’m your daughter,” she says, shaking her head as she pours wine into two glasses, “And it never stopped you from missing my recitals.” 

Elizabeth gasps, a brief moment where her usual mask of never being affected by anything slips, “Emily.” 

She sighs, her eyes closed as she presses her palms against the kitchen counter, the cool marble of it resetting her brain, somehow making her feel worse. Her mother had never been what she’d needed, what she’d wanted, but she knew she loved her. That sometimes made it worse, made the indifference she occasionally felt from the person who should love her the most hurt even more, but she knew Elizabeth had done her best. Even though it had never been enough.

“Mom, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t-”

“No, Emily. I’m sorry,” Elizabeth says, her smile tight as she cuts over her. Emily frowns, her eyebrows knitting together as she stumbles over her words for a second, the apology from Elizabeth the last thing she’d expected. 

“Wh…what?” 

“I saw the look on Violet’s face when she spotted you in the crowd,” Elizabeth says, her arms crossed over her chest, “She lit up,” her smile turns sad, “We’ve never had that and I know thats my fault. I should have…” she clears her throat, “If I could go back I’d make some different choices. It’s why I’m doing my best to make different ones now.” 

Emily stares at her, her mouth hanging open ever so slightly as she tries to figure out how to respond. It didn’t fix or change anything. It didn’t undo the years of hurt and resentment, how they had led her to make so many choices she couldn’t unmake, but it was something. An acknowledgement she hadn’t realised she’d needed, and one she certainly never thought she’d get. 

“Thank you,” she says, not sure what else she could say, “That’s…thank you.” 

The moment ends as quickly as it began when Aaron walks into the room, “He finally fell asleep.” 

“Good,” Emily says, turning to look at him, “I’m glad.” 

“I’m going to go sit down,” Elizabeth says, smiling softly at Emily as she picks up her glass of wine, and if she didn’t know any better, if it wasn’t entirely out of character for her mother, Emily would be sure she was purposefully giving her a moment with her husband, “I’ll see you in a minute.”

Emily nods and watches her go, her throat tight as she stands frozen in place. She only moves when Aaron places a hand on her shoulder, his eyebrows pulled together in concern when she looks up at him.

“You okay, sweetheart?” 

She blows out a breath and shrugs, “I don’t know.” 

He wraps his arms around her and tugs her into a hug. She presses herself against him, her face against his neck as she settles into him, into the comfort he always provided. 

“Want to talk about it?”

She shakes her head, “Not yet.” 

“Okay,” he replies, kissing the top of her head and rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back. He changes the subject, well aware that whatever he’d walked in on was something she’d need to process herself before she spoke to him about it, “Vi did so good today.” 

She smiles so widely he can feel it against his neck and she nods, “Yeah,” she replies, leaning back to look up at him, “She’s amazing.” 

He stamps a kiss against her lips and cups the back of her head, holding her in place so he can rest his forehead against hers, “Just like her mom.” 

-x-

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[autumnshighlady]

I’ve Always Liked to Play With Fire (part 8)

NESTA ARCHERON X ERIS VANSERRA X FEMALE!READER

summary: you finally meet Emerie and Gwyn, but an argument between Cassian and Nesta spirals out of control and you come head to head with the High Lord

warnings: the usual IC slander

word count: 6k 

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n PLEASE READ: so the vote was almost 50/50 between doing a time jump and not doing a time jump, so I decided to meet y’all in the middle. There will be small time jumps, especially in the next chapter, missing a few important ACOSF moments but they will be mentioned briefly. I hope this is ok! Also this is sort of a filler chapter but I think you guys will like it. I’ve put out like 3 chapters in one week I’m exhausted haha

feedback is appreciated, just no hate pls! these are just my opinions, i’m more curious to see how you all like the writing and characterization and storylines!

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

read on ao3

Spotify playlist

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

“Are you even listening?”

“No, not really.”

Azriel rolled his eyes at you for what was probably the fifth time that hour. You were sitting in an office area of the House, a map of the Night Court laid out in front of you. Scrolls and manuscript were strewn across the desk messily, as if whoever had been in here last had not bothered to organize it. The soft glow of lanterns illuminated the table in an otherwise dark room, the window nearby facing the mountains rather than the vibrant city below. Azriel had followed through on his promise to teach you about the Night Court before your other training resumed, actually letting you sleep in for once.

Just this one time. He had promised, and you knew he’d meant it.

You had covered Illyria so far, to your distaste as much as Azriel’s. It was interesting how much he loathed his own people, but after delving into their practices you could see why.

“And Rhysand just lets this happen? He allows females be crippled and used for breeding?” You had asked when the spymaster told you about the wing-clipping practice.

“Illyrians are slow to change.” Was all Azriel had said. You pointed out that oh-so powerful Rhysand could simply make them change, or use his mind control abilities to influence the Illyrian leaders. But Azriel had only glared at you, ignoring your comment before moving onto the next subject – the Court of Nightmares.

Which led you to where you were now.

“So let me get this straight,” You said after Azriel rolled his eyes. “The Court of Nightmares is in the Hewn City, and that’s the side of the Night Court that the rest of the world sees and views it to be.”

“Correct.” Azriel huffed, blue siphons reflecting strange casts of light from the lanterns.

You straightened your back. “So my same point as Illyria still stands. Females are suffering there too – you said the Morrigan was rescued from her own family from that very court. But why’s she the only one being saved? What about all the other females in there being sold off into marriage like cattle?”

Azriel’s scarred knuckles tightened in annoyance. His voice was clipped and tense, as you were clearly testing his patience. “Like I said twice already,” He said through gritted teeth. “Change does not come easy. And besides, they have an agreement of sorts. Rhysand lets them do what they please, in exchange for recognizing his authority and providing an army if needed.”

“But you said they have the right to refuse.” You pointed out.

“Yes. The Court of Nightmares has autonomy within the Night Court. It’s the best way to keep the peace.”

“Except for the females.” You muttered, fiddling with a scrap of paper and tearing it up in your fingers. It wasn’t fair how Rhysand and Feyre had the power to help so many people, yet choose to keep things the way they are. Nesta had told you that Feyre often shifted into an Illyrian form – wings unclipped and able to fly her through the sky, above all the female Illyrians down below who were crippled and kept for breeding. The thought of her flaunting those wings when half of the Illyrian population had them taken away simply for being born female made you sick. But it was something to consider for your long-term plan.

“I know it’s hard for you to understand,” Azriel said lowly. “And I know it’s hard for you to hear this as a female. But we help out where we can with the resources we have.”

“No you really don’t.” You scoffed, and then spoke again before the shadowsinger could object. “But if that’s what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night then by all means.”

Azriel huffed, and you felt another twinge of guilt. It wasn’t entirely his fault – he had no authority over the High Lord and Lady, he couldn’t go behind their backs or tell them what to do. You wanted to like Azriel, and a part of you did. But the other part was resentful that like the rest of the Inner Circle, he did nothing to challenge their ways.

“I am trying to help you.” Azriel said slowly, turning his hazel eyes to yours. “I wasn’t lying when I told Rhysand that you had potential. You’re a quick learner, and you’re extremely clever. I want you to succeed and find your place in this court, but I can’t help you do that if you fight back with snarky comments every chance you get.”

“Have you considered that maybe adjusting to your court is difficult for me considering where I came from?” You challenged, meeting his gaze with your own. “Forgive me if it takes some time for me to come to terms that I live in a court where if I had wings or was born in the Hewn City my only purpose would be for breeding.”

“You haven’t been here for long,” Azriel said cooly. “Give it time.”

You sighed, dropping the remains of the paper onto the desk. “If you say so.”

Azriel stared at you for a minute, unblinking. It was impossible to read his expression, as usual. A strand of dark hair fell onto his forehead artfully, contrasting with the golden light and making him look like a painting. “What?” Your tone came out snappier than intended.

“I think you should spend some time with people from this court who aren’t part of the Inner Circle.” He suggested slowly, as if waiting for you to lash out. “Instead of just training with me, you can join the sessions with Cassian and the others. Would that be something you’re interested in?”

You paused, weighing your options before considering his words. Would that be something you’re interested in? He was giving you a choice – your first real choice at the Night Court that wasn’t coerced or scripted. If you wanted to say no, there would be no consequences. But then you thought about Nesta, and the friends she had made. You’d be able to meet them this way and get to know them – spending more time with Nesta was a bonus. You’d have more of an excuse to be around her now, and to coordinate your plan.

The fight. You mentally cursed yourself, remembering last the Inner Circle checked, you and Nesta were on the outs. You didn’t want to have to keep up the argument act, but maybe you could stage something else, something that made it seem like the two of you were on the mend. They’d think it was Nesta ‘healing’ because of them and pat themselves on the back, but you’d have to forgive it and let them have this temporary victory before you pull the rug out from under them.

“I guess I could give it a try.” You said hesitantly, nodding at Azriel.

His lips twitched in a small smile. “Good, be ready at 8 tomorrow.”

*********************

You groaned, rubbing your eyes as you stepped into the training ring. Sleep was scarce for you last night, leaving you groggy and tired as you dressed yourself in the leathers laid out for you. You hadn’t seen Nesta yesterday, but you sent her a mental note about planning for today.

The two of you agreed that you would be distant, but not outright avoiding each other to make it seem more real – Nesta would apologize to you, and you to her, making sure Cassian overheard. Everything was set, now all you had to do was survive the grueling training.

As you entered the ring, your eyes scanned for Nesta. She was sitting down near the corner, stretching alongside a pretty redhead and Illyrnian woman. Her eyes were clear, devoid of the empty hauntedness that had resided in them as she recounted the past few weeks. Hair neatly braided back, she snorted at something the Illyrian female had said.

Taking a breath, you nodded to Cassian and walked over to where Nesta was. The general nodded back, glancing towards Azriel who shrugged his shoulders.

You approached hesitantly, making sure to look nervous. You could practically feel Cassian’s gaze boring into the back of your head, analyzing your every movement like a hawk. “Hey,” You said quietly to Nesta.

“Hi.” Her voice was quipped, yet soft. She looked up at you, expression unreadable. You hated having to play these roles, but you pushed that aside.

“Can I join you?” You asked, fiddling with the loose strap on your leathers.

The other two females glanced at Nesta, one of them raising her eyebrows knowingly. You wondered what Nesta had told them about you, how much they knew.

“Actually,” Nesta cleared her throat and stood up, and you could feel Cassian’s gaze shift to her. “I was hoping I could talk to you. Come grab some water with me.”

You followed her, Azriel’s eyes now on you as well. The two Illyrian males tracked your every movement as you headed over to the water station, grabbing a cup from the table. You stood in silence as you took turns filling it up, waiting for Nesta to speak. Finally, she did.

“I wanted to apologize.” Nesta said, swishing the water in her cup. “For how we left things. You were nothing but kind to me, and I lashed out. You were my only friend, and I was cruel to you. For that, I am sorry.”

You bit your lip, resisting the urge to watch Cassian’s reaction. “I’m sorry too,” You said after a few moments. “For what I said about everyone hating you. It was mean, and I didn’t mean it. I’d like to move past it, if we can.”

“Me too.” Nesta’s lips twitched as she spoke to you mentally. Don’t look, but Cassian just broke out into the biggest grin. He’s watching us.

I bet he’s proud of you for apologizing – thinks it’s all because of him.

Well, it’s not.

I know.

You smiled, following Nesta back over to the group. You glanced at Azriel, who gave you a nod of approval. It was working.

“So why did Azriel drag you here?” Nesta spoke up, interrupting your thoughts.

“He thinks it’ll be good for me,” You said, stopping to pick up a mat from the racks. “To spend time with others from the Court.”

Nesta hummed, sitting back down on her stretching mat as you unrolled yours. “Well, this is Gwyn,” She said, gesturing to the redhead. “And this is Emerie.” The Illyrian female raised her hand in greeting.

“I’m (Y/N).” You said, offering a friendly smile. Gwyn’s large, teal eyes gleamed, the freckles on her pale skin were like stardust in the sunlight. She seemed shy, but courageous. You knew she was a priestess in the library, meaning she had likely been through the unthinkable – the fact Nesta was able to convince her to come out of the library made your heart swell with pride.

Emerie glanced up and down at you, a smirk pulling at her lips. “We know,” She said. “We’ve heard all about you.”

You chuckled as Nesta fixed the Illyrian with a stern glare. You’ve told them about me, now have you? You said to Nesta.

Shut up. Her reply was just as stern as her gaze, but there was some lightness to it. Her cheeks were flushed red with embarrassment – it was adorable.

How much do they know? You quickly asked her.

They know we had a fight. They don’t know it was fake, but I think they suspect something. I trust them though, they won’t say anything unless I tell them first. They’re good people.

Works for me.

“We wondered when you’d be joining us.” Gwyn quipped, extending her other leg and reaching down to touch her toes. Nesta turned the other way, focusing on stretching her hip.

“Yeah, well Azriel knew I’d go crazy only seeing his face for the next while so he decided to chuck me in here with you guys.” You said, making Gwyn giggle. “He needs Cassian’s alliance to deal with me sometimes.”

In the distance, Azriel snorted. He’d clearly been listening, which was good. You wanted him to hear everything. You turned to look at him, and he shook his head and sighed. Emerie laughed, missing nothing. “Mother above, what do you do to him?” She said.

You shrugged, clasping your arms behind your back and stretching them behind you. “I make his life hell pretty much, isn’t that right?” You called out the last part loudly.

The shadowsinger walked a few steps toward you, hauling a large mat across the floor. “You certainly don’t make my job easy.” He muttered, setting it down in the middle of the ring.

You rolled your eyes, turning to ask Gwyn about how her training is going but stopped. Gwyn was watching Azriel, teal blue eyes following the movements of his muscled arms as he shuffled equipment around. She caught your gaze, blushing and quickly looking away.

“So,” You said, turning to Nesta. “What are we learning today?”

“More strength exercises, apparently.” Nesta huffed, groaning and clutching her stomach. “My abs are still killing me from yesterday.”

“Are we ready to go, or just going to sit there complaining all day?” Came Cassian’s loud voice. The four of you exchanged a glance, huffing as you stood up and kicked your mats to the side.

You liked Gwyn and Emerie. You could tell Nesta was relaxed around them in a way she wasn’t with the others in the court. You found no jealousy churning in your gut, only pride. Nesta having friends was a huge step, but then you realized something – eventually, you and Nesta would leave the Night Court. Gwyn and Emerie would have to be left behind, unless somehow they were okay with your plan and snuck away with you. But two females fleeing the Night Court was already risky enough, let alone adding two others to the mix.

We’ll worry about that later. You said to yourself, taking a deep breath and extending into the position Cassian was demonstrating.

*********************

“Nesta,” Cassian said after the four of you collapsed onto the mat, panting from exhaustion. “If you were to name a sword, what would you call it?”

Gwyn answered, though she hadn’t been asked, “Silver Majesty.”

Emerie snorted. “Really?”

Gwyn demanded, “What would you call it?”

Emerie considered. “Foe Slayer, or something. Something intimidating.”

You laughed. “That’s no better!”

Nesta’s mouth tugged upward at their teasing. Gwyn looked to her, teal eyes bright. “Which one is worse: Foe Slayer or Silver Majesty?”

“Silver Majesty,” Nesta said, and Emerie crowed with triumph. Gwyn waved a hand, booing.

“What would you call it?” Cassian asked Nesta again. You paused, confused as to why he was so persistent. Apparently, Nesta was the same because she glanced to you before speaking up.

“Why do you want to know?” She asked.

“Humor me.”

She lifted a brow. But then said with all sincerity. “Killer.”

His brows flattened.

Nesta shrugged. “I don’t know. Is it necessary to name a sword?”

“Just tell me: If you had to name a sword, what would you call it?”

“Are you getting her one as a Winter Solstice present?” You asked.

“No.”

“Then why keep asking?” You pressed, eyes fixed on Cassian suspiciously.

Cassian scowled. “Curiosity.”

But his jaw tightened, but you knew it wasn’t that – there was something else.

Why would he want you to name a sword? You asked Nesta.

No idea. She replied. I went to a blacksmith with him a few days ago and helped forge some blades. But that’s it.

“Back to work,” he said, clapping his hands and interrupting your thoughts. “For all that sass, you’re doing double time on the Valkyrie lunge hold.”

Emerie and Gwyn groaned, but Nesta surveyed Cassian for another moment before following their lead. You glanced at Azriel, puzzled, but he averted his gaze. You immediately grew even more suspicious – normally he’d just stare at you with that blank expression, revealing nothing. But his avoidance made you question what he wasn’t telling you.

Just over an hour later, you were back on your stretching mats cooling down. Legs shaking from the grueling exercises, you took a sip of your water before realizing it was empty.

“Here, give it to me.” Emerie said, extending her hand and taking your cup. “Gwyn and I are going to get more water before we all die of thirst.”

“Thanks!” You called out as the Illyrian female and the priestess headed over to the water station. Nesta glanced towards you, and you heard her voice in your head.

I’m going to talk to Cassian.

Before you could stop her, she stood up and stomped over with her arms crossed. You  glanced at Gwyn and Emerie, who were too deep in their own conversation to notice. Continuing to stretch, you listened in the direction of Nesta and Cassian.

“Why were you pestering me about naming a sword?” You heard her demand.

Cassian’s voice sounded in return, trying to sound nonchalant but failing. “I just wanted to know what you’d name one.”

“That’s not an answer. Why do you want to know?”

He crossed his arms, then uncrossed them. “Do you remember when we went to the blacksmith?”

“Yes. He’s giving me a blade for Winter Solstice?”

“He’s given you three. The ones you touched.”

Silence.

You heard the general tapping his foot on the ground. “When you hammered those blades, you imbued them—the two swords and the dagger—with your power. The Cauldron’s power. They’re now magic blades. And I’m not talking nice, pretty magic. I’m talking big, ancient magic that hasn’t been seen in a long, long time. There are no magic weapons left. None. They were either lost or destroyed or dumped in the sea. But you just Made three of them. You created a new Dread Trove. You could create even more objects, if you wished.”

“I Made three magic weapons?” Disbelief rang in her voice.

“We don’t know yet what manner of magic they have, but yes.” You turned towards the water station to see Emerie and Gwyn halting their chatting, as if they could see or sense the shift in Nesta. You turned towards her and Cassian, and you didn’t have to see her face to know anger was rising in her eyes.

“Who is ‘we’?” Nesta hissed.

“What?” Cassian said.

“You said ‘We don’t know what manner of magic they have.’ Who is ‘we’?”

“Rhys and Feyre and the others.”

“And how long have all of you known about this?”

He winced as he realized his error. “I ... Nesta ...”

“How long?” Her voice became sharp as glass. Everyone was watching now.

“This isn’t the place to talk about it.”

“You’re the one trying to coax a name out of me in the middle of training!” She gestured to the ring.

Cassian’s face grew pained. “This isn’t coming out the way it should. We argued about whether to tell you, but we took a vote and it went in your favor. Because we trust you. I just ... hadn’t gotten a chance to bring it up yet.”

“There was a possibility you wouldn’t even tell me? You all sat around and judged me, and then you voted?” You could feel something deep in Nesta’s chest cracking, to know that every horrible thing about her had been analyzed.

“It ... Fuck.” Cassian reached for her, but she stepped back. Everyone was staring now. “Nesta, this isn’t ...”

“Who. Voted. Against me.”

“Rhys and Amren.”

You sucked in a breath. Rhys was not a surprise – he hated Nesta and everyone knew it. You personally were not surprised by Amren, but could tell by the way Nesta froze that she was hurt. She had told you briefly that she shared a sort of friendship with the female once, before it all went to shit.

Cassian’s eyes widened. “Nesta—”

“I’m fine,” She said coldly. “I don’t care.”

She rolled her shoulders and strolled back to where you all were watching. Gwyn and Emerie looked at her with concern, but she did not acknowledge it. She left the ring without looking back at Cassian, or any of you.

Emerie was on her heels instantly, trailing her down the stairs. “What’s wrong?” You heard her say.

“Nothing,” Nesta’s reply came. “Court business.”

“Are you all right?” Gwyn asked, a step behind Emerie.

“Yes.” Nesta said before vanishing down the hallway. You wanted to go after her, but held back, remembering that Cassian and Azriel had to think you two were still only on your way to making full amends.

Talk to me. You begged, but no response came. You heard nothing but felt the roaring in her head. Nesta had gone silent again.

*********************

It had been hours, despite your searching Nesta was nowhere to be found. You looked in every corner of the House you could think – the library, her room, your reading nook, nothing. Nesta had not reached out to you either, but you hoped once she calmed down she would.

Your mind wheeled from earlier. Nesta had made a new trove, and the Inner Circle didn’t even tell her – Cassian wasn’t even going to tell her, he only did because it slipped out by mistake. It was apparent they felt entitled to not only Nesta’s autonomy, but her powers as well.

Stomach churning, you crawled into bed and tried to sleep.

*********************

The next day came, and nothing was heard from Nesta. Azriel had not come to check on you either. Something was wrong.

*********************

Nothing the next day.

*********************

On the third day, you stood on the balcony. Your eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, hair unkept. You hadn’t slept once since Nesta disappeared, and nobody had told you anything. Training was suspended temporarily with no explanation, and worry nagged away at your gut. You had no idea where Nesta was.

Please, You begged her for the millionth time. Let me know you’re okay. I’ll do anything, Nesta. Just… please tell me you’re ok.

You felt a sudden gust of wind behind you, cooling the sweat on the back of your neck. You turned around, seeing Azriel. A few feet behind him was Rhysand, which filled you with dread. The High Lord looked haggard, his raven-black hair disheveled and his black shirt wrinkled. Azriel didn’t look much better either.

You stormed over. “What the hell is going on?” You demanded, not caring who you were talking to. Rage took over, that familiar sea of anger rose inside of you.

“(Y/N)...” Azriel began, taking a step towards you.

“Where have you been?” You cut him off, glaring. “What the hell happened that everyone disappeared for over two days? Where is Nesta?”

“Let me explain–”

“You…” You hissed at Rhysand, pushing past the spymaster. You stormed to the High Lord, who looked defeated. “This is all your fault.”

“What are you talking about?” Rhys’ voice was flat.

“I heard Nesta and Cassian arguing,” You hissed. “She made some sort of magic weapon accidentally and instead of telling her and letting her help decide what to do, you voted about it without her? What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

The High Lord’s violet eyes sharpened, and he glared at you. You felt his presence surrounding you, pushing you to submit to him, to his power. Instead, you ignored it, staring down the male who you hated so much.

“Nesta is fine.” He said sternly.

“Then where is she?” You demanded, cocking your head. “Why did she just disappear?”

Rhysand growled. “She’s with Cassian, they’ve gone away for a couple of days.”

“Rhys…” Azriel’s deep voice sounded from behind you. The High Lord’s simmering violent gaze went glassy for a split second, but enough for you to know that he was telling his spymaster something.

“No,” Azriel said firmly, striding over to face his High Lord. “She deserves to know.”

You furrowed your brows. “Know what?”

Rhysand hissed. “Quiet.”

“No,” Azriel growled. “You put your trust in me to supervise her, and I say that she deserves to know what’s going on.”

“I’m with the shadowsinger on this one.” You said, folding your arms across your chest. Rhysand had not moved, just continued to glare down at you.

He didn’t trust you, that much was easy enough to detect. He still judged you for being from Tamlin’s court, as if you were responsible for Tamlin’s actions against Feyre. No matter how hard you worked, no matter if 500 years went by of you proving your loyalty over and over again to the High Lord, he would never trust you. He would always watch you from the corner of his eye with doubt.

“Fucking tell me.” You growled, fists curling. A scarred hand clasped your shoulder and squeezed, urging you to calm down.

“Come, I’ll explain.” Azriel said softly before glaring at Rhys. “I’m telling her, Rhysand. And if you want to stop me you’re going to have to use that mind control of yours.”

The High Lord’s jaw clenched, darkness filling the area. “I think you’ve grown too close to the matter, Azriel.” His tone was commanding and lethal. “Let’s go.”

“No.” You interjected, yanking your shoulder out from under Azriel’s hand. “You’re going to tell me what happened, right here, right now. And he’s going to shut up and give answers.”

Azriel bit his lip, possibly worried that Rhysand would strike you down there and then. He placed himself between you two. “Okay.” He said firmly. “You know how Feyre is pregnant, right?”

“Yes.” You said, caught off guard for a moment. Azriel’s voice sounded distorted as you got lost in your own mind, recalling Nesta’s words. That’s when we also found out Feyre was pregnant, although Rhys later told us that the pregnancy would kill her since the baby has wings.

“...so he decided to keep it from her until a solution was found.” Azriel continued, recapturing your attention.

“Let me guess, you haven’t found one and Feyre doesn’t know.” You stated, looking at Rhysand instead of Azriel. The High Lord said nothing, only continued clenching his jaw and glaring at you.

“Not yet,” Azriel said calmly. “But she does know now. In her anger from the vote, Nesta decided to storm into the city and tell Feyre about what everyone else knew – that the baby would kill her.”

“Good.” You shot back, furious – while Feyre was far from your favourite person, she was a female who deserved to be able to make a choice about what to do with her body and the baby that was killing her. “Feyre deserved to know, you idiots. How could you keep this from her?”

“Nesta told Feyre to hurt her and to spite me,” Rhysand growled. “Not because she had her best interest in mind.”

No shit, You thought. Nesta owed you nothing. She had all her choices taken from her, and she wasn’t about to let that happen to her sister.

“Shut up, Rhys.” Azriel growled, causing the High Lord to blink in surprise. “But yes, she told her out of anger. Everyone got mad, and Cassian grabbed her to get her out of Velaris. They’re staying in the mountains for a few days until everything calms down.”

Your blood stilled. Something didn’t make sense – you understood taking a few hours apart, but days? Either Azriel wasn’t telling you something, or Rhysand was withholding information from his shadowsinger. You heard stories of the heightened emotions that went along with having a mate. If Feyre was upset and Nesta had been the cause of that, Rhysand would have been angry as hell. Possibly angry enough to….

“You threatened to kill Nesta, didn’t you?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as your gaze landed on the High Lord.

He didn’t answer, so you spoke again, louder. “Didn’t you? That’s why Cassian had to stay away for a few days with Nesta, because he was worried that you’d kill your mate’s sister.”

Azriel furrowed his brows, the first time you’d ever seen him confused. “That’s not true,” He said, but his voice was flat, as if he was trying to convince himself of it as he turned to his High Lord. “Right Rhys?”

The High Lord of the Night Court gave no answer, darkness curling around his fingertips as he stared you down. You could tell he wanted nothing more than to mist you on sight – you laid him bare and tore him down in front of his most trusted friend, exposing him for what he really was. And he hated it.

“Rhys?” Azriel’s voice lowered.

Rhysand finally spoke after a few seconds. “I’m not going to hurt Nesta.”

“But you threatened to?” You challenged.

“Yes.”

Azriel sighed. “Are you fucking kidding me, Rhys?”

A rage that you hadn’t felt before bubbled up inside you. The High Lord of the Night Court, who let the females in Illyria and the Hewn City suffer and be used as breeding cattle, had threatened to kill Nesta, his mate’s sister. Despite how much he claimed to love Feyre, he still treated her like any female of his court by not giving her a choice – he could offer sanctuary to the females in Illyria or the Hewn City like he had with the priestesses in the library, but he didn’t. This male insisted that the monster facade he put on for other courts was purely for show, but you knew that at his core, that’s just who he really was.

And he chased Nesta out of the city because she did what he was too afraid to do.

“This is all your fault, Rhysand.” Your voice was steady, cold as the edge of the sharpest blade. “You didn’t tell your mate that she was going to die, and you threatened to kill Nesta because she let her sister have a choice. You locked her up here because you couldn’t control her like you do the others, pretending like it was for the sake of helping her. You let two thirds of your court live in suffering, then wonder why they hate you. You’re a terrible ruler and an even worse mate, Rhysand. And you will get what’s coming to you.”

The High Lord said nothing as you turned on your heel and strode back into the House, leaving him and Azriel alone on the balcony.

*********************

The next few hours felt like a blur – part of you expected Rhysand to return and rip you to shreds for threatening him. It was stupid of you, but you didn’t regret it – you could tell by the way Azriel’s demeanor changed as he found out Rhys neglected to mention his threat to Nesta’s life that he was shocked, and mad that he was not informed of it. Maybe seeing you stand up to Rhys would give him a backbone after all.

You drifted into sleep, hoping that you wouldn’t wake up in a cell.

*********************

A gentle hand on your shoulder woke you. Your vision was blurry as you lifted a head from the pillow, the sunlight casting a golden glow on the female sitting on your bed.

Nesta.

All sleepiness was gone and you bolted upright, not caring that it made your head spin. Before you could say anything, her arms wrapped around you and held you tight. In your grogginess, you yelped and fell back, head hitting the pillow once again. Nesta followed, still clinging to you as her weight landed on top of you but you didn’t care. The hole in your chest from the past few days swelled as you held the eldest Archeron in your arms again, clutching her as if she would float away.

Tears flowed down your cheeks as Nesta nuzzled her head into your neck, her shoulders shaking, indicating she was crying too. The two of you laid there, Nesta laying on top of you and clutching onto your frame as if you were her lifeline. A white, soft glow began to shine from your sternums, merging into one beautiful light. It filled the room as you held each other in the embrace – life and death entwined into one beautiful force.

“Nesta…” You sobbed, bringing a hand up to cradle her head.

“I’m here.” Her voice was shaky as she spoke into your neck. “I’m here, darling.”

“Azriel told me everything,” You choked out between sobs. “About Feyre and the fight. And the mountains. And Rhys… he threatened to kill you….”

“I’m so sorry…” Nesta’s voice was muffled. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shh.. It’s not your fault.”

“I wanted to reach out, I really did. But I couldn’t. I just broke out there, I wanted to die. I couldn’t do it.”

Fresh tears washed out the dried ones, and you held her closer. You wanted to burn Rhysand and his inner circle to the ground for this, for breaking Nesta down until she truly believed she was unworthy of life and love.

“It’s okay,” You said quietly. “You’re here now. You’re safe.”

Nesta took a deep breath, but didn’t lift her head from your neck. She just kept holding you. “We hiked through those mountains for two days.” She whispered, voice hoarse. “Cassian was so mad at me. He had me haul the backpacks, he didn’t notice when I fainted. He didn’t speak to me unless it was to order me to eat or drink. Then when I broke, he held me. I thought he was going to stand up for me, say what Rhys did was wrong, that all of this was wrong. But then he wanted to fuck me just a few hours later. That’s all I am to him, isn’t it? Something to fuck but not enough to love?”

“Did you…?” Your voice trailed off, embarrassed for asking. You felt bad, regretting the question even though it had not fully formed.

“No.” She said quietly. “He was surprised. He tried a few times, but didn’t push it. He respected my decision, but I think he could tell something had changed.”

You inhaled deeply, letting her scent fill your nose. You missed it, craved it while she was gone in a way you couldn’t quite understand. Everything you did, every move and plan you made to escape the Night Court at its core was for Nesta. The female who laid on top of you, curled into your arms, had fought so hard and been through so much. She had been forced into a life she didn’t want, and would have to live in it for the rest of her immortal life. You wanted to get out of the Night Court not just for yourself, but so Nesta could have a chance to truly live.

“Besides,” Nesta said, lifting her head and staring down at you with grey eyes glistening with tears. “Cassian isn’t the one I wanted to do this to.”

Nesta leaned town and pressed her lips against yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as you melted into the kiss, grabbing the back of her neck and pulling her closer. Her soft lips tasted as sweet as you remembered, but this kiss was different than the last one. Last time, it was all fire and desperation, but this one was sure and intimate. Nesta’s weight on top of you was comforting, her legs tangled with yours as she tried to get as close to you as possible. Your lips broke apart for air. Your heart fluttered as she tilted her head and kissed you again, stroking your tear stained cheek with her hand. It was passionate, but not rough or overly sexual like you were pretty sure she was used to with Cassian – it was a kiss that came from the heart, just sexual desire.

The drums of time slowed down as your lips melted together. The glow between your chests continued to shine like starlight, shutting off the outside world. There was no Rhysand to threaten you, no Troves or death gods – it was just you two.

Needing air again, your lips broke apart. Nesta took a shaky breath, pressing her forehead into yours.

“It’s you.” She said breathlessly. “It’s always been you.”

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[empressofthewind]

Hello! I’ve been reading some of your meronia fanfictions and wanted to say you are an incredibly skilled storyteller and really make the characters feel true to their canon counterparts. Thank you so much for your absolutely amazing writing, you are a blessing in this fandom ❤️

There was a question I’ve been wondering about if you don’t mind. In a few of your AU Mello lives and begins working in partnership with Near fics, it’s mentioned that in the outcome of the Kira case Mello lost completely and Near was the winner.

I was curious in your AU what happened at the end of the Kira case that made it turn out this way?

And why do you position Mello as the full-out loser instead of something more similar to the OG canon where his skills and ability to see and contribute something Near couldn’t was the only reason Near won?

If you are willing to share I would love to know your thoughts! if not it's oc totally fine and understandable so feel free to ignore haha

Hello! First of all, thank you very much 🥺🫶 this is really really kind!! Second of all, this is an excellent question and you are perfectly welcome to ask - I'm always happy to answer questions about my fics :-)

My best answer to this is that the way I characterise the ending is highly dependent on the specific POV I'm writing from. I write all my fics in third person limited, which is structured in such a way that it gives a glimpse into the character's inner world. As a result, there's always bias in the way they perceive things. My interpretation of Near is that he's wired to view things as objectively as possible in most cases, so his narration is generally trustworthy. Mello's inner workings are a lot more chaotic, and I tend to write him as a fairly unreliable narrator. On that basis, the idea that he would have "lost" after the Kira case is entirely his perception. His goal was always to catch Kira and bring an end to the case with his own hands, as exemplified by the line "If you can do that, then I'll get Kira myself", which he says to Near in Chapter 79 (in reference to their interrogation of Mogi). At this point in the narrative he's directly working with Near, but he never thinks of it that way. He rationalises this as "using Near", and the competition as far as he's concerned is still alive and well.

He definitely has some character development by the end, but I don't think enough has changed for him to accept the idea of a joint victory. Rather, the development that happens is in him accepting the idea of losing. As much as I do think he kidnapped Takada with the intention of saving Near's life and ensuring Near's victory, I tend to assume he saw this as surrendering, not as a collaborative effort like Near does. I very strongly believe that if he had survived long enough to see the end of the case, he would have considered himself the loser. Ultimately, Near was the one in the warehouse, Near was the one who got to put Light in his place, and Near was the one who ended up with L's title. To Mello, that's more than enough to constitute a loss.

I hope this answers your question!!!

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Oh God. David Heard There's Room Service In Hell!!

Once again, I am testing my drawing ability by NOT doing any of the MANY illustrations I need, but I would've been sad if I couldn't finish an illustration. And look! I made it! I CAN DRAW! (And collage, obvs not my suitcase or BG, but all Public Domain)!! Well, my stylus needs a new battery, BUT, IN THEORY, I CAN DRAW! It's low res like all my test images, and I don't think I'm gonna put Vivziepop out of business anytime soon, but I'm fond of it.

That's why I'm so sad that it'll NEVER EVER HAPPEN. As a storyteller (albeit an obscure one) let me elucidate...

Strictly in terms of narrative viability, David hails from an incompatible universe. For an Invisible, he's middling. The Compelling Voice he's so fond of seems to be standard-issue, he's just more of an asshole about using it. In Tin Soldier and Soldier On, he's not all that hard to beat. Some people even have a natural immunity! He's only a threat in the first place because nobody knows what he can do.

But the minute he rolls up to the Hazbin Hotel, not only does nobody know what he can do, nobody has that natural immunity, and it would be hard as hell (haha) to beat him with their combat-friendly magic system. David isn't doing that Capcom-esque "freeze the enemy for a few seconds while they're looking at it" hypnosis. He's issuing unbreakable commands. If you're not deaf, the only way to beat him is to forget what he said. And that seems like it would be difficult, if not impossible, for most of the cast. Alastor certainly won't stoop to inflicting head trauma or hypnosis or amnesiac-levels of liquor on himself.

And that MIGHT not be a problem, except as soon as Dave meets Al he's gonna go from zero to nemesis in about three seconds flat. "Hmm, let's see. Neat freak, carefully-curated personality, perma-smile, never a moment's weakness... That's a pathetic little traumatized man-baby and I'm going to pull him out of his shell if I need to use a crab fork!" And, canonically, Alastor is also willing to make enemies that quickly. David has a sense of humour and no sense of self preservation, combat tentacles and veiled threats ain't gonna do it. Round one, David's gonna mop the floor with the Radio Demon.

...And by that, I mean he'd stuff Alastor into one of Niffty's frilliest little outfits and literally make him mop the floor, and even Charlie encouraging him to be a better person wouldn't get him to quit. Also, he'd be ignoring her and bending over backwards to get Angel's attention.

"Oh, listen. The man is over one hundred years old with zero interest in one-night stands or whirlwind romances. Prohibition isn't a thing anymore, drinking and dancing just doesn't cut it. Give him a chance to develop a fetish for something a little bit taboo..."

"I̸̠̤̐̄̄ ̸͕̝͙̌A̸̪̅M̴̭̰̙̎̓ ̶͓̻̐̉L̷̹͕̍I̷̯͗T̷̫̄Ȩ̶̾̋R̴̝̥͒A̷͔̩͋̃̕Ļ̵͗͜L̶̘̈́Y̵͇̓͗̂ ̴̼̪̘͠Ā̷̠̽̆ ̶͍͓̊̉C̷̣͕̺͆̃͝A̵͙̾̅N̶̥̬̮̄N̴̤̯̬̒̉̚I̴̩̜̍B̷͈̪̩̄À̴̝̦L̶̪͂͛͗!̶̟̆"

"That's not a fun night out. It's barely even a meal, what with the garbage they're feeding people these days. I imagine everyone tastes like a fucking 'Cool Ranch Dorito.'" [while making quote marks with both hands] "Isn't he from Louisiana? They invented spicy! Tell me, my deer fellow, is the cross-dressing and domination lighting up any dials?"

"Ì̴̗ ̶̧̫͓͋W̵͜͝Í̸̗͋L̴͔͆̊̌L̴̨̜͚͂ ̸͈̤́Ḱ̵̳̩͜Í̷̘̾L̶̨̫̬̉͋̌Ļ̵̱̗͐͊ ̴̧̣͊̄̈́Y̴̛͖̺͓̓̐O̶̢̦̍̀U̷̠̞͇̎ ̷̨̛̮̭I̷̙̜̽N̸̘̣͙̆ ̵̞͑͝Y̷̰̭̽O̷̟̘̹̓Ủ̶̢̏R̷͉͑̄̀ ̷̧̧̤̎Ŝ̶̱͈̃L̵̰͋Ȅ̸̜̗̙̊̍E̷͇̦̒P̷͈̝̅̆͌.̴̡͈̅͑̓͜"

"My good man, I have unlimited access to drugs and a fun new activity, WHY WOULD I SLEEP? What shall we try next? Do you have any drugs, Angel? Oh, of course you do! Do you think he's more of an upper or a downer person? I think a few muscle relaxants might loosen up that permanent rictus of social anxiety, but God only knows. You must be smoking a crate of cigarettes a day! Do you even brush? Your teeth, I mean. Do you suppose those lovely people at Lourdes make a mouthwash...?"

And Charlie would say, clasping her little hands, "Okay! What if we make some popcorn and talk about our childhood traumas? Yaaaay!"

But David would, inevitably, pass out. Most likely after binging and doing untold damage with Angel. And Alastor would kill him... And that's where we have the biggest fucking plot problem of all. Alastor's go-to method of disposal is tearing people to pieces while broadcasting it on the radio. And it seems like their screaming continues for quite some time, perhaps eternally.

I have expressed this in song form, because I have a weird brain and I couldn't resist.

Wait, wait, nevermind the eternal torment. Can these little hellions hear me? Test, test, is this thing on? Pardon me, could you quiet down a bit? I have a few things I’d like to… Will you stop screaming? Ugh. EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LISTEN RIGHT NOW! That’s better. I have a little message for my executive producer. Well! I say! Colour me startled, you fulfilled your vow Think you’ve won? But I’ve barely begun! I’m always looking for new fans to wow Can you hear me NOW? [aside] Will you screamers sing backup if I command it? Can I get a little harmony? (We… can’t help ourselves?) I am eternal, and guess who’s just boosted my signal So I can reach all of you lovely new people? (We can’t help ourselves!) It’s your own Radio Demon! What was he thinking? (We can’t help ourselves!) What was he drinking? Ha! His dial must be twisted! Now I’m serenading the damned for my infinite span All according to plan! Am I a madman or a genius? I’m a pianist! Take that, FCC I’m a wonder, your saviour Please excuse my rude behaviour, (but the demon sure done fucked up!) Think he did me a favour? Silence my vocals? A failure! I’m louder and I’m certainly braver So crank the signal to the noise, and enjoy my compelling voice It’s nice to have all these new toys, (but our deer friend is annoyed) A Spirit of Radio beats a demon blow for blow This Invisible is crackling on the air! Well, one does like to believe Though you’re stuck, I’m almost free! That’s what you think! Your weak signal can’t compare Though you’ve had a little fun Your broadcast is done, and it’s time for your payback I’m in control Too bad you atomized my soul! … Not this attention-starved, brandy-addled, overgrown twink Guilty! What could be more absurd? A plagiarist bird Tweety-pie can’t even sing, his theft is pitchy You call that bitchy? I’m afraid that’s not entertainment! You're looking for a new twist? Then let’s remix the arrangement! Is Al as stiff as he projects? What sorts of kinks do you suspect? I’ve seen lacy details with my very eyes! He lies! And if I Tiked a Tok or two Well, there’s nothing he can do! A V̷̰͖̉̂͝İ̶̙D̵̛̻̮̙͛̕E̴̼̱̕Ŏ̷͆ͅ?̷̗͎̞̏̅! If I did, you can’t delete it That's the truth! When I find you in here, Ÿ̴͕̚Õ̸̠̝̕Ů̵̩̹Ŕ̸͔ ̸̬̋̂̔͜T̸̮̙͌̕Ő̵͔͕̑̄R̵̩̣̅͌̌͜M̷̝̹̾̏Ĕ̶̦͕̟Ň̶̮͊Ṱ̷̲̈̔̈ ̵̡̹̟̑Ẅ̷̝́͝I̷͉͋ͅL̴͎̞̎L̶̯͓͑ ̵̬͐͐͝Ḅ̸͚̬̅Ẹ̴̎̿͠ ̴̻͉̲̐̈́͠N̵̖̟̤͑̽E̴͙͎͘V̸̡͕̦̾̕Ė̵̝͈̀Ŕ̴̺-̸̡̱̇̾̉E̴̠̣̊̐̋Ń̵͔̬̝̑D̴̡̬͙̓İ̴͔͋͊N̸̞̙͐̒Ĝ̷̼̺̐͆.̸̤̭́̐̅.̸̰̓͝.̷̤̬̌ #MaidioDemon is trending! Y̴̼̿͆O̶̟͇͊̏͜Ǔ̸͈ ̴̨̫͘I̷̡͓̜̍̈́̽N̸̜̩̉̄͝S̵͚͈̭̅̓Ĩ̸̢̯͇͘Ṗ̶̩̭̦I̴̱͑D̷̨͖̚ͅ,̴̥͕̌̈̾ ̸̛̳̈́Ṭ̶̢̠͒Ė̸̱̼̕C̸̙̥̈́H̵͓̠̔̀N̷̖͝Ǒ̶̬Ć̶͔̃͘Ř̶͙͍͠Ä̴̟́̊T̴̳̉̊͜I̶̞̓͝C̵̢̨̲͐̇̎.̵̼̏͋.̷͎̆ͅ.̸̘̜̒ Darling, please, you’re lost in static One thing’s clear! You must be wishing that you took the L, you poor deer Say farewell. I’m very grateful that you gave me Hell Oh, this will be swell! [Vivziepop, distantly:] Fuck!

"Stayed Gone" is a patter song and I can't keep up with it as I read it, but I think the lyrical parts scan, at least. A-heh. Please excuse my hubris, but it's doubtful anyone will see this.

Of course, I would never torment someone with arguably GNC-phobic revenge porn, but that guy IS NOT ME. Your only hope for dealing with David is if Vaggie decides he's more of a threat than an amusement and straight up kills him, and that's not a plot, that's a cul-de-sac. So this little not-a-fic is all you'll get from me about this unsustainable situation.

...Alright, I might put Alastor in a maid outfit if anyone cares, but I really should be illustrating. I have precisely 13 to do before I can post more story! Unless I decide to post it anyway!

All apologies to Vivziepop, whom I've name-checked as one of a few creators I'd sell out or saw off my leg to work with. But - although I am tempting fate - prrrobably no one will see this. I'm just doin' a little practice and amusing myself.

Right, Tumblr?

[py6oto]

more hlvrai x yume nikki au stuff!!!

this post is gonna have a lot more text than my usual posts. so sorry if you don't want that.

so people seemed to really like my idea (which is really unexpected !! i didn't expect it to gain any attention at all!!! but its also super awesome and im so glad they do!!) so ive been brainstorming a little bit.

heads up i know yume nikki is a very ambiguous game but im pretty new to it so if i happen to get any established information wrong please let me know !? ty !!

anyways. before we do the effects. please take some sprites.

(body horror ((multiple eyes, messed up limbs, gunshot sounds)) under the cut!!! pls stay safe !!! ) (also a huge lore dump. sorry!)

id think this au takes place in a universe where the resonance cascade was real (aka not a game or simulation) and it'd be like, maybe a few months after it. gordon is traumatized as hell and it haunts his subconscious to the point he feels the need to isolate himself completely. he relives his trauma through eerily consistent dream worlds and then dies on a random tuesday. credits roll. audience cheers. wonderful story.

the vision for the sprites is that tommy functions as a "friendly" npc (like monoko and the other girl i forget the name of please forgive me) and benrey functions as poniko, uboa being "xenrey" or essentially messed up alien benrey (the weird...white...blood....world...room...uboa takes you to when you interact with it is simply replaced by xen. that's it. benreys house is a direct gateway to that time gordon fought god and won and isn't that amazing.)

i might remake the "uboa" sprite in the future because i don't really like it right now. im very new to pixel art and imitating YMNK's style is a little hard.

i like to think this imaginary game would have the teensiest tiny bit of dialogue, only when interacting with benrey. when you interact with his "regular" form, he says "you're not supposed to be here." and repeats it every time you interact, not saying anything else.

i know one of the biggest things that makes yume nikki stand out is its lack of dialogue, but listen, i think it would work well!!! seeing as this is the only time a character actually talks to gordon through understandable dialogue (unless i come up with something else!! haha) i think it would be confusing and throw players off because it breaks the pattern of being either ignored or silently acknowledged. someone talking directly to you after hours of isolation is confusing and unpredictable. which is what benrey is. confusing as hell!

im not sure what function tommy would offer, if any, i kinda want him to maybe give gordon an effect (soda effect could work?)

i dont think he'd bring any jumpscares or intentionally unsettling things to the table. seeing as he was the only one by gordon's side when the rest of the team proved itself to be a threat, i think it's logical he'd remember tommy in a warmer light than the others- which is reflected in how instead of unsettling or ignoring gordom, dream tommy simply smiles and gives him the ability to drink a soda any time. soda effect.

does this soda effect make you see faster like tommy said?

as much as i'd love to, no. probably not. because i have no idea what the hell seeing faster means.

maybe you can get a caffeine overdose. if you spam 1 enough times you will get very fast for as long as the soda effect is on. like the bycicle effect, but better, because you can taste it!

but no, it won't help you see faster. i don't know how to translate that sentence into understandable english.

now, coomer and bubby!!!! i apologize very deeply for i have not made sprites for them yet. i promise i will!!! it's just very late today and if i draw anything else i will actually just pass out.

im not very sure what i want for them yet. i think theyd be similar to tommy, but they'd have different functions. maybe they all give gordon different effects. or maybe they scare him! i dunno, i feel like there'd be a certain level of distrust from gordon to the old guys, like, of course he doesn't hate them but itd be hard to remember them super kindly and harmlessly when one of them ruthlessly tried to murder you with 300 clones of himself and the other tricked you into an ambush that cost you your arm, as much as you love them.

also!!! i completely forgot gordon lost an arm when i made his sprite. oops. it's okay its just a very realistic prosthetic

anyways. this post is getting too long so i think I'll save the boomer talk for when i actually post their sprites. its time for EFFECTS !!

i haven't been able to come up with many words yet. but i have some effects and a slight idea of how gordon would earn them.

concept art is beautiful

from left to right (because my handwriting is absolutely hideous!)

SODA - earned by interacting with TOMMY. wherever tommy is??? i dunno! pressing 1 will make gordon drink the soda and earn a temporary speed boost.

CAR??? - part of me really wants to rename this one but it's so funny to me i want to keep it. it's just a car. he literally just whips out a car and starts driving. what a legend. this effect lets him get across water areas faster (even faster than the soda!)

LONG HAIR - literally just gives him long hair. there is no practical use for this. nothing will happen. it just gives him long hair. isnt he beautiful.

ARM - earned by interacting with a dismembered arm found... somewhere.... probably some dark room. you know that effect where madotsuki literally just becomes a head? yeah. this is that but it's an arm because of course it is. this is an opportunity and i will not give it up. there is no use for this either. it just makes him a slow sad lonely arm.

MINIGUN - found by interacting with a certain object in POTION !! WORLD !! YEAHHH!! DARNOLD REFERENCE !!! pressing 1 will let you shoot the hell out of your enemies and make them pay for their sins

SWEET VOICE - found by interacting with any of the orbs in COLOR WORLD. 1 will allow gordon to song a beautiful, colorful song that will soothe any npcs he might have angered and make them stop trying to murder him.

POWERLEGS - MAYBE given by coomer npc? idk! this is all brainstorming and a work in progress! 1 makes gordon jump real high, allowing him to reach otherwise unaccessible areas

GHOST - ghost. he's a ghost. he's transparent. he flies. 1 makes him do a little ooooo noise and all the npcs run away from him because the place is haunted. ghost.

GLASSES - literally just pick up some glasses from the floor. putting them on will uncover a few hidden details across the map that may be necessary for progress ... like a very small and specific set of stairs

SMALL - makes gordon very small. i thought the original effect was super fun so i just kept it unchanged. small gordon. he can clone himself and make a gordon army. small. im thinking he finds it thru a coomer clone that is abnormally small. he interacts. small effect. small!

SHORT HAIR - literally just short hair. gordon can't seem to pick a haircut!

UMBRELLA - ...umbrella. makes it rain. shelters gordon from the rain at the same time. can be used for the same purpose it has in yume nikki which is putting out fires or stopping pre-existing rain.

there's supposed to be more effects and i still need to plan all the worlds and hidden rooms but ........ maybe when the sun is out and i have slept and i can think better !!! let me know whatever suggestions or ideas you guys have. i love hearing them a lot ^_^ thank you if you read all of this!! i promise hlvrai animations are not over this is just an au that has temporarily taken over its okay my content is not changing to yume nikki hlvrai only

gordon no

2023.07.27

[1indigoisles]

Chapter 7 - Excerpt 1

The one where, Isles, the author, does not know how to describe fighting techniques so she leaves it all to your imagination.

x

One week had passed.

One fucking week.

And we were still alive. Still.

I didn’t know how much of it I could trust.

None of our things were with us, of course. Lila and I hadn’t exactly had the time to pack a duffel and hide, so we wore the clothes that were provided to us inside the room. There was a bathroom in which there was actual running water, and we could bathe, do our business and brush our teeth. Meals were mostly packaged food, tube lights were the sun, and time was a construct (we did have a clock, but still), but most importantly, we were safe.

And I didn’t know how to trust it.

“Kenneth, are you listening?” Lila asked suddenly.

I perked up, not at all noticing that while I had been busy being paranoid, Lila had been chattering my ear off about god knows what.

“Oh, hello,” she greeted pleasantly when I finally looked back at her.

I muttered an apology. “Just thinking, is all.”

“Was it the ceiling?” she inquired cheerfully. “You were glaring at it like it mortally offended you.”

I stared at her then, not for the first time, in wonder. Out of the two of us, she was adapting to our current circumstances the best. Apparently, unadulterated chaos was Lila’s element. She hadn’t even batted an eye when Jolene explained to us upon arrival that we were now practically convicts in this inescapable (emphasis on inescapable)wretch of a town, and the only place we were safe was here, but that we would have to, at some point, leave, because obviously, the food and water wouldn’t last forever, and yes, that being said, we were also apparently ignoring what I felt was the extremely vital question of what comes after? What if it all fails?

Because nobody had asked it aloud yet, because it was a question nobody liked. As though if we ignored it, it would cease to exist. Like it wasn’t there in every silence that filled the room already.

Or maybe it was just me.

Lila had asked some of her own questions afterwards, and once they were answered, she’d replied with a simple, “Right. Got it.”

I’d wanted to throw a fit.

“Are you all right?” I asked now. I asked her that a lot these days. Just to be sure. Just to always know.

“Alive and kicking,” she answered with a bit of a sigh at the end.

“Are you sure?” This. This was important.

Another sigh. “No.” That. That was important. “Are you fine?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, because it didn’t. Really, it didn’t.

Lila hummed neutrally. “Maybe not,” she said, “but I want to know.”

I arched an eyebrow, and lowered it again when I thought about it. The question, that was. Are you fine? Was I fine? I was a teenager, so normally the answer would be hell to the no. Now, I was a teenager in a gloomy and eerily sinister town with the ability to shoot light out of my chest like a fucking CFL, stuck in a little burrow right under the government’s nose because going out meant jail-time, and all around suffering because that was just my life and my life was fucked up. Genuinely. I was sincerely not trying to be emo, I was sure I was justified in calling my life a mess.

Haha, very funny, Kenneth. So are you fine?

“No,” I said, letting out a short, sharp laugh that made Desiree, who was arranging supplies on the other side of the room, look up from her work. “I’m not fine, thanks for asking.” I stopped there, because if I said anymore I’d spiral into a full-on rant.

Right now, in the room, Lila and I were alone with Desiree. The other three heathens had, rather stupidly, decided to go back up today to test the waters and check out the current state of the Chambers in general, much to Desiree’s objection towards the idea. She had vehemently tried to stop them, but she was only one girl against three idiots and too much caffeine and stress, so she’d eventually switched cannons to suggesting she go up with them instead (“What if you get hurt? I’m a Healer, I can help you!”) but they’d dismissed that idea as well, claiming that someone needed to stay behind and ‘take care’ of Lila and I, which I’d personally thought was a little pointless. It wasn’t like they needed to worry about whether we escaped, since this really was the only safe place for us and niether of us would ever voluntarily leave, or as if we were unsafe here without someone constantly babysitting us. I also couldn’t help but think that Scarlett, Jolene and Rowan took Desiree a bit too much for granted, slash underestimated her, be it because she was younger or simply not as ‘powerful’ as they seemed to be. But it wasn’t my place to say anything, and I had enough of my own shit to deal with. I also got the sense that Desiree wouldn’t really thank me for pointing any of these truths aloud, so I kept my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they did.

This past week had been a wanton test, an examination of my strenght, courage, and tolerance in general. I was high-strung throughout, never fully believing that we were really safe, never fully trusting in people whom I’d known, what? Two weeks? Three, if we were making a stretch? It was stressful, and scary, and a series of what-the-fucks spiraling down to the moment we fell through the floor and had been declared safe. And I’d felt relieved, because around these parts, ‘safe’ wasn’t a word you could just throw around. It meant something, here in Knightville.

But before that, in the minutes before the fall, the only thing I’d known was that if I stopped running, we would die. I would die. It had been like a primal instinct within me, to run. To run from those people because they didn’t mean any good for me and wouldn’t have even if I followed their rules. It was a little animal of me, I’d realised upon later reflection; I hadn’t even thought about the legitimacy of the things Jolene had told me about the Chambers beforehand, or the supposed cruelty that seemed to exist like a thin veil over all the people.

That said, getting plunged face-first and abruptly into supposed ‘safety’ was a bit... jarring. I hadn’t been able to believe it at first, always ready to bolt at any and every sound that came from the ceiling above.

But a week had passed now and there had been no danger. As a result, I’d felt myself grow a little complacent. Still paranoid, but a little complacent. This was helped by the routine we’d made for ourselves. We had meals, we showered, we brushed our teeth, Lila and I wore the clothes they provided for us (they really did have everything here), we talked and bickered, and in addition, Jolene and Rowan had taken to training both Lila and I in mixed martial arts.

“You’ll need it, trust me,” Jolene had said.

“I find the part about trusting you a bit difficult, not gonna lie,” I’d replied.

Rowan tried and failed to hide his snort.

“No one asked you for your opinion, Teigen,” Jolene snarked.

“No one asked you to teach us jiu jitsu either but here we are, no?” I said dryly.

Jolene huffed. “It’s mixed martial arts and you know that damn well- Rowan, why are you laughing?” She pinned a glare on her brother so sharp it could be used as a murder weapon.

Rowan straightened himself up and tucked his grin away, trying to maintain a semblance of seriousness. “Okay, okay, sorry,” he said, not looking sorry in the slightest but ultimately managing to sober up anyway, “you’re right, we’re here for the serious stuff. Now, can either of you throw a punch?” He directed this question at the both of us. “A proper punch, I mean. The kind that can actually disarm your opponent.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, but it was Lila who had taught me how to throw a punch in the first place and she’d said “yes” rather confidently, so I nodded too.

“Good, because MMA is a lot more complicated than that,” Jolene had said.

One of the first things we learned when it came to MMA was that fighting would always hurt, even when you were winning. Getting punched in the face hurt, but punching someone hurt too. You needed to get over the fear of hurt and injury if you wanted to be an effective fighter. Strength came from courage, survival of the fittest, blah, blah, the whole shebang.

Then came the actual fighting. There was a lot of discipline involved, it turned out. You had to be precise with every move you made, and you needed to train yourself strictly to attain that level of skill. Because of this, most forms of martial arts had so many rules you could practically break your spine in half trying to follow them all at once at the same time (yes, Jolene had painted a very vivid description about the various ways one could break their spine in half that none of us—not even Rowan—wanted to hear). MMA was easier in that respect, which was why we were starting off with that.

It was still hard, however. The training was gruelling, and we were constantly forced to eat more during meals to ‘help build stamina’. At first we failed so many times while sparring with Jolene and Rowan (Jolene was with Lila, Rowan with me) that Scarlett had to loudly interrupt one of our self-defence sessions to point out that they should slow down with their teaching, because obviously we weren’t being able to catch up and teaching us new concepts on top of that would only throw us back even farther. It had been hard to tell if she was actually concerned with our progress or whether it was all a backhanded insult to our fighting prowess, but judging strictly from what I knew about her, it could very well be the latter.

All in all, it was difficult. Jolene and Rowan were both impatient people, Jolene especially, and that didn’t exactly make them the most ideal teachers. Most days, we retired for the night with more than one bruise blooming on our skin.

On one of these days, Rowan had managed to throw me completely off-balance (his skinny figure was deceptively strong, let me tell you), and I’d grit my teeth and thought, why are we even doing this?

It wasn’t until the room had gotten abruptly silent that I realised I’d said that out loud.

Whoops.

Rowan got to his feet and regarded me blankly, if not a bit coldly. “You didn’t think we could stay here forever, did you?”

“Obviously not,” I said. “But I don’t see what that has to do with beating my mother and I to a pulp on a regular basis.”

“Yes,” Jolene conceded, “but when you’re out in the real world and fighting the bad guys, you can’t exactly rely on just your powers to get you out, especially since one of us is human and we’d have to keep a constant eye on her as it is.”

“Need I remind you that you were the ones who put this in this position in the first place?” I arched a brow. “We wouldn’t even be here if you’d played your cards better.”

“When will we stop having this discussion?” Rowan demanded. “Jolene and I did what we could think of on the fly, and we managed to keep all of us safe too. ‘Played your cards better’, you say? How would you have done it then? What could you have possibly done differently?”

“I wouldn’t have run the moment they started talking about Shadow activity, for one thing,” I snapped back. “I would have at least waited to see if Raynott was mentioned at all. Also-”

“Fuck’s sake, when will we stop having this discussion?” Jolene demanded. “It doesn’t matter whether Scarlett got called out or not. We were already compromised, do you understand? We were compromised the moment the Shadow activity from our scuffle in the basement was mentioned, just like how we were compromised when you stepped into this town, fell knee-deep into our mess and essentially became our problem. We would have ended up here either way. It was always the plan. But the fact of the matter is, we just can’t stay here forever, and you need to be prepared to fight when all hell breaks loose, hence this.” She gestured expansively to indicate our little group.

“So that’s your great solution? To train Lila and me in MMA?” I summarized.

Jolene nodded. “Yes, because this will not last, you understand?” She gestured around the room again and spoke with force. “And we also do realise we should be having an infallible plan to get us out of this mess, despite what you may think, because it’s our lives on the line too, but the ugly truth is we don’t. So will you get back up and train, please?”

I looked at Jolene, genuinely, terrifyingly. There were so many things she hadn’t mentioned, so many ways in which everything could go wrong after we left this safe place. Some of us could fucking die, and I didn’t even know how to begin with unpacking the implications of all that (dying, that was).

The possibilities were written all over Jolene, Rowan, Lila and the silence in the room.

But that’s why we were all here, right? To survive.

Will you get back up? Please?

I got up.

x

I love Kenneth, can you tell?

Also, I do realise that I left it hanging at the end because I never got back to the present moment where Scarlett, Rowan and Jolene, Chaos Triplets™, decided to, against their better judgement (Desiree), go back up and see how things are going with the stragglers.

Now, I don't know if you've realised yet, but the Frost and Raynott siblings do a lot of illegal things, like building private property over public property (the room) and harbouring a possessed Diaforian (Scarlett), so they're not criminals because of Kenneth, they were criminals MUCH before that.

Also, this chapter is multi-POV, so you won't be seeing the inner workings of Kenneth's mind until Chapter 8. Instead, you'll see Jolene and Lila, including new POVs, like Rowan, Desiree and Scarlett. I'm super excited for how things will go.

Also, this chapter is a very much calm-before-the-storm chapter, the entire chapter is just wave after wave of calm, despite how it may seem. Chapter 8, on the other hand... *evil laughing*

Taglist: @jeahreading, @mayaheronthorn, @damn-this-transgirl-hella-gay, @cherryblossempearl, @motheyesofnight

[hyenahunt]

Rouge & Ruby: Prologue

Writer: Umeda Chitose

Season: Winter

Characters: Jun, Ibara

Proofreading: royalquintet (JP) & Skyress (ENG)

Translation: Mirei (Adam) & hyenahunt (Eve)

Jun: Hey, it's thanks to me doing said running that I got to catch a certain someone flouting the law just to work his ass off, though?

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Time: New Year's Day, after the end of SS

Location: Outside ES

Jun: Pant, pant...

(I thought I could at least take a break for New Year's... but in the end I really just can't skip my daily training~ )

(That said, I'm still kinda worn out from SS, so I guess I'll keep it light.)

(I'll go one more loop around ES before heading back to Starmony Dorm and... hm?)

Jun: Why are there lights on in the ES building on New Year's break? And on top of that, the lights seem to be coming from —

The 18th floor? Isn't that CosPro's floor?

Hmm…

Now that I've seen it, I can't just ignore it, huh. I'll check out just why they're still on at this time~

Location: Cosmic Production Office

Ibara: …

Jun: Oh, so it's just you, Ibara.

Ibara: ? That voice… is that you, Jun?

Why are you here this late? If anything, I'm sure you don't have anything to do in the agency on a day like this. Then why did you come here?

Jun: That's what I should be asking you. From the looks of it, you seem to be busy working as usual, but...

Isn't there a labour law about how no one's allowed to work over New Year's break or something?

Ibara: Ahahaha! You would think, wouldn't you? Such laws do not apply to one in my position..

Jun: That's kinda not something to brag about... Besides, you know we only just finished up with SS, right?

It's the start of the new year — most folks usually take this time to rest up.

Ibara: I’d rather not hear a sermon about resting my body from a certain someone who’s already out to do his running routine so early in this new year, though.

Jun: Hey, it's thanks to me doing said running that I got to catch a certain someone flouting the law just to work his ass off, though?

Ibara & Jun: …

Ibara: … [sigh] You see, it’s exactly because SS is over that I’m focusing on work now. So would you kindly leave me alone?

Jun: Exactly because of that, you say... The concept of the first and last work days of the year doesn't exist to you, huh?

You were going ham on that keyboard, too. Is there really that much work to do this early in the year?

Ibara: If you're looking forward, the "work to do" is, in fact, limitless. Besides —

You heard what I said back then, did you not? I wanted a fair, head-on competition in SS.

If I let myself drown in the aftermath of it, the feeling of regret will take me over. I would even think like: Argh, I could even have an outburst in frustration.

But you see, if I focus on my work, I won't have to waste my time drowning in such sentiment. If anything, I can even turn that into my motivation.

Jun: Sounds more to me like you're taking out your frustrations on your work but … well, fair enough.

I mean, I'm all too aware that you're a workaholic, Ibara. You're the only one who understands the frustrations you're dealing with, so I'll leave you to it.

Ibara: … You said you’d leave me alone, but I see you've planted yourself firmly on a chair…

Jun: Haha. Well, I didn't say I'll go home, did I~?

I'm curious 'bout what you're working on, anyway. I bet it's got something to do with us, right?

Ibara: You're right. There are things we need to prepare for going forward. But there are also things that require urgent attention…

This year too, Eden members will make the best use of their abilities as idols at work.

Jun: Ooh… The more you say, the more curious I get. So, when you say "going forward", you mean…

Ibara: When it comes to the large-scale events that involve the whole ES, next month's Valentine's event — Chocolat Fes — is one that can't be missed.

Jun: Chocolat Fes, huh… Um, lessee... Is it that one event usually held simultaneously in idol schools all over the country?

Ibara: Yes. It's an event that has been held simultaneously nationwide in idol schools, and from this year onwards, it has been decided that ES will also take part in it.

Jun: It's supposed to be nationwide, but we don't have it in Reimei or even Shuuetsu, so I don't really know much 'bout it~...

On that note, why aren't the idol schools affiliated with CosPro taking part in it?

Ibara: To be frank, it was simply not much of a big deal.

Despite that, it's not like we didn't participate at all. There was indeed a time where I made a very small number of Special students do a similar event.

Jun: Huh, first I've heard about that…. So you oversee stuff to that extent, Ibara?

Ibara: Well, I'm on the management team for CosPro affiliated schools after all.

Jun: Rather than just being management, it's more like you're calling all the shots…

But anyway, ES's participation in it means that we'll also be taking part in it as Eden from this year onwards, right?

Ibara: Of course. Since it’ll be the first time that ES participates, it will be an event that attracts a great deal of interest and attention from the public eye.

Moreover, most units belonging to ES will likely join the event. There is no reason that we, Eden, should not also make our presence known.

Carefully, and meticulously, I’m formulating a plan of attack.

I'll share the detailed plan later. So please patiently wait for now.

Jun: Alrighty. Beats me what you might have in mind, but I'm looking forward to hearing all about it ~♪

… So anyway, when are you going home?

Ibara: Pardon?

Jun: Just look at the clock, dude.

I get that you're all fired up, but on top of working all through New Year's break, you should at least hold off from doing overtime, alright~?

Ibara: … I’ll leave in a reasonable amount of time, so there is no need for concern.

Jun: I said that 'cause I'm pretty sure you didn't have any plan of doing that in the slightest. Well then, how 'bout we run back together?

Ibara: There’s no way we can do that. You are ready with an outfit suitable for exercise, but I'm only in plain clothes

Jun: Ahaha. Well, you're right about that.

Either way, just wrap it up somewhere so you can head back soon, okay~? If you're late, I'll come all the way back to check on you, got it?

Ibara: Why are you mothering me? I'll leave once I'm at a good stopping point. So please, don't worry.

Jun: Alright, alright… Just make sure to actually do that, 'kay?

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

✦ all ✦ next →

[thesmpisonfire]

felpac felpac felpac <3333333 <- explodes

would like to hear about your hcs

FELPAC FELPAC FELPAC

Okokok sooo

Both Felps and Pac are the emotional anchors of the group and often the ones that are able to lighten up the mood and help the other 3 ease their worries, but it means they accidentally carry a lot of weight on keeping the moral up

So they have each other to lean on and bounce it so neither can get overwhelmed

They don't call each other boyfriends since they aren't technically dating, they're partners but not mutually exclusive

One of my Pac hcs is that he's part robot ever since he suffered an accident in his old lab and Mike had to build him an metal arm and half of his face is also covered in metal. So kissing him ends up sometimes with some light shock (haha Taser- *gets shot*) bc of his excitement. Felps is used to that and always laughs it off

Ever since he came out from the ice Felps feels disconnected with the world and never warm enough, trembling constantly due to the cold. Pac makes sure he feels present and even makes the metal in his arm heat up so Felps can feel warmth (Mike always scolds him for that bc it damages the wiring and the cogs, Pac just ignores it <3)

Felps uses his magic abilities to draw sigils on Pac's metal parts, so they always are oiled and in good state

They do be chilling, they love to just vibe together and talk talk talk about everything and anything

[voxofthevoid]

Hi Vox! I saw your post mentioning your sickness and I hope you're feeling better! If it’s any consolation, I've been sick as hell too. Misery loves company right? This is werewolf anon, BTW.

So now that I'm more on top of the JJK story, I read another JJK fic of yours. It's the one where Gojo gets released from the prison realm into the future but a 1000 years in. I must admit I saw the tags/summary and thought "Ahhh yeahhhh all 20 fingers assembled!". And I was getting ready for some filthy imaginative smut by you...and it DEFINITELY had that...BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THE FEELS???

Because I legitimately cried!!! You left the ending open enough that it could go a few different routes but you just captured the utter bleak loneliness that Yuuji had been enduring and what a monumental shift it was for Gojo to show up. I finished the fic and had to hug my pillow because it got me so emotional. So yeah, thanks again for destroying me lol!

I'm glad my silly Yuuji meme edit gave you a laugh!

Also now that I know Steve is your fav, I see your Stucky fics in a whole new light. Not in a bad way! Just more like "Ah ha! I totally get why these lines of Bucky talking about Steve hits so hard." I'm so sorry that Endgame did us dirty and it undermined your fandom. My personal fav is Bucky and I basically live in my La La Land where "canon" can kiss my ass. Especially because the MCU seems determined to keep character assassinating Steve and derailing Bucky.

For JJK, I still like Gojo the best so the manga events are DEVASTATING. But I've gotten pretty good at ignoring canon (No thanks to Marvel) so I'm gonna keep trucking on loving Gojo.

Also fucking random question but you're the only one I talk about JJK...do you think I should spell their names Yuji/Yuuji or Gojo/Gojou?

Stay hydrated!

Werewolf anon! I didn't see this ask until now. Didn't check my notifs for a day or so while sick, and the app is glitchy as hell with numbers. Opened the desktop and saw that shiny "1." As always, it's good to hear from you!

A sad high five for the sickness 😔 I hope you're feeling better now though.

And won't lie, I'm slightly evilly gleeful that serpent tongue got you in the feels. It was my first JJK fic—don't ask me why I chose that mindfuck of a premise to figure out the characters and dynamics—and I did intend for it to pretty much just filthy imaginative smut (thank you btw 💗) with a four-armed Yuuji, but well, you saw what the bulk of the story became. As far as first fics in a fandom go, it's one I'm very happy with, especially the ending. It's very, very gratifying to hear that it affected you enough to make you cry.

(If it's any consolation, this fic is the "kinder" continuation of it, now with 200% more porn. They're not in a series because they're both standalone works, and the second fic is one of two possible spiritual sequels, but still, it's overall less bleak compared to the first fic.)

Haha, that's very interesting to me tbh. I'm not subtle about my favoritism, though the way it manifests varies (the only constant is that they get hole lmao), and I'm always curious how readers—especially those with differing but complementary tastes—perceive it.

And you have very good taste! I adore both Bucky and Gojou too, and they're a hell of a lot of fun as characters. Props to you for the enviable ability to tell canon to suck it and keep going 💪 Stay strong.

As for the names, Yuuji/Yuji/Yūji and Gojou/Gojo/Gojō are all accepted romanizations, so pick your favorite. Personally, I prefer Yuuji and Gojo, but I am anal about internal consistency, so I use Yuuji and Gojou—plus Getou, Yuuta, Shouko, etc. The only exceptions I make are for Chōsō and Tōdō because Chousou and Toudou make my eyes bleed.

[xx-cringe-factory-xx]

Im bored so I am once again talking about stuff I barely understand\d and Im too scared to talk to the hs discord cause it feels like others make me uncomfy cause their fixed morals and actual ability to understand and explain things better than me lmao.

How I see my class and aspect as a thief of void

(alos may talk about lunar sway (mine is prospit leaning), read to find out!!)

woah okay sooo im gonna start with aspect cause that's easier for me to understand and explain why i think it's litterally me.

the voidy stuff!

so the only ways Ive seen void explained is "confusion, unaware, subjectivity" and vague stuff like that whish uh, yeah it's right ig, both light and void are based around their own understanding of things. but it feels like others focus too much on that. void players tend to be confident in what they do understand(or at least I am), even if it may not be a lot or very useful.

cannon examples being: equius with robots, roxy with actually quite a bit(others relationships, the window things, ect.) uhh cant remember any void players lmfao,

also another thing people tend to ignore is that they are hard to understand/ make sense of. once again with equius just overall being veiwed as "oh no, its THAT guy" and roxy just cannonically being imposible to explain/read by dirk. also he never even asked??? so that's part of the issue people dont just ask, most void players would just answer if people asked. like dude??? we dont fucking hide how we feel, its just that others dont even like, put in effort to know. alsowhile im kinda on a tangent about how people dont ask, void players are kinda like "dont ask, dont tell." (haha refference to homophobia) unless they see it as important or relavant. I alos just dont have a lot of oppinions on things that do actually affect me, but that is prolly jsut more of a me thing than void as a whole.

(btw, I am going to take a quick break to go pee before I get into my class, and I will not reread this till after I post it, so I may think of things I wanna change or add, which means i will prolly just be reblogging it everytime i think of somethign knew lmfao)

uh Thevft thievery and tax fraud

(my laptop is overheating slightly, i only have three tabs open)

okay quick thing on why Im not a witch and why I think online quizes keep forcing that apon me with some random ass aspect (THE ASPECT CHANGES ALMOST EVERY TIME :SOB: )

witches tend to not understand that they're doing something wrong/ they just see that what they're doing MIGHT help them, so they do it. they over all do their best to do what they think makes sense without like trying to explain why it makes sense ig(?) witches also dont seem to have many strong oppinions on others outside of every one of their friends is the best, or every one else is either unimportant and does not matter enough to even CONSIDER taking into account when coming up with a possibly confusing plan. while thief's tend to get ahead of themselves they do understand that a complicated plan can go wrong WAY more than a simple one, arvhams razor or whatever.

as explained in the silly brochure thingy that i have spent too much time rereading (lnked on the masterlist thing for classpecting posts in pinned thingy) thief's are also working on higher stakes. focused on an end goal instead of the specifics of what leads us there. which unfortunately leads us to completely ignoring why and who we might've hurt to get us to the end goal. also in the brochure thing it mentioned how thief's work against what they think is how society works (?) (meenah wanting to live on a moon cause of reasons I cant remember, and vriska just in general viewing people as just boring or unimportant) for a thief, theirs them and then theirs everyone else with zero overlap. when a thief get's to close to being like their perception of everyone else they force themselves out of it so it becomes a weird cycle of "woah these people are great" and "these people are making me soft, uhoh gotta fix that"

when in relation to my lunar sway, I'm a prospitian. (woagh) which yikes black and white thinking, and I think i fucking need a good reason for doing things. or at least a reason I think is good. lmao

prospit theif of void(conclusion??)

all together I tend to get uncomfy with people actually understanding and being set on things ESSPECIALLY MORALS. i overall view most people as more mature than me. as in they understand what they view as bad. I like philosophy and the open ended questions that come with it. I'm not really attached to any specific religion or ideas. I do like absurdism on solipsism though. subjectivity is a huge thing for me, it's just that others usually are super strict on what they see as real or true. honestly my only rules/morals for myself are dont hurt others unless it's necessary, and anything is okay as long as you feel good about it and arent ACTUALLY hurting others (as in fuck around and find out, BUT DO NOT ACTUALLY TOUCH OR INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO TOUCH REAL KIDS OR ANIMALS YOU SICKF UCK)

anyways uh yeah im a theif of void, i am making all of thisup based on a game thing that didnt even explain it properly in the og webcomic.

I love you (/??) bye

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

Alright so AU huh? Mmh well if you know me you know that I love Deltarune. Guess what AU the deltarune fan base hasn’t made yet, at least to my knowledge. The Borrower AU

SO, guess it’s my job huh? Alright, here it is the Borrower AU for Deltarune aka

Minirune

So the basis of this AU is quoted simple, the darkners and the dark worlds are the borrowers and the world of borrowers within the walls. Darkners are tiny about borrower size (around 4 inches on average but with such size variations it can vary haha!) anyway, the darkners used to help the giant Lightners in the light but one day something happened, and the darkners didn’t dare go back out to the light. Many believe the Lightners left them and Chose to ignore the darkners, others believe the Lightners did something to make darkners want to hide. Who knows the real reason.

The dark worlds mostly remain the same, being in the same buildings as they were in game, the only difference is that they are living in the walls, floors, and ceilings. Here’s the cool bit, the darkners still have their powers but they have one extra one, they can turn into the object that represents them. At least to a certain degree. For example Lancer would turn into his card, the Queen (while yes is probably the computer) would be able to shift into a microchip or even a small mainframe or flash drive. I haven’t really decided on that yet haha.

Anyway, the story would be quite similar with kris and susie discovering this hidden world and exploring it. How? Well of course they get shrunk! They have to travel through the dark world to find the fountain that shrunk them and close it in order to get back to their normal size. However even after the fountain is closed the darkners stay darkners, they just lose the ability to hide in plain sight. So susie and kris can let the darkners decide to stay in their current homes or come with them to a new home where they don’t have to worry about being seen by other Lightners.

Now what about our favorite two lads? I’m talking Jevil and Spamton of course? What makes them, them in this AU? Simple really, they talk to a lightner. They learn and got help from a lightner or the knight (since I’m still not 100% sure the knight is a lightner but eh) Both had contact with a lightner and got different things from them. Jevil learned more about how small he really is and how little of an effect he would have on the larger world around him, to which he responds that since his actions wouldn’t matter, that means he can do anything. He also plays with this lightner a lot and this made the kings upset because his interactions with the lightner was putting everyone in danger. So they locked him up. Meanwhile spamton meets mike (who I’m assuming is another darkner but I’m not 100% sure) and mike introduces him to a lightner who supplies him with all these items and trinkets. He becomes well known as one of the best borrowers in the walls, until the lightner and mike just disappear one day. Then everything goes downhill. He is forced to go borrowering after not actually doing it for awhile and often trips up. Lucky there is a robotic action figure hidden away somewhere that might help him escape this little nightmare he’s found himself in.

Anyway those are just some thoughts of mine about this lil AU haha. Also I tried to design some borrower versions of the lads, might redesign them but I honestly like how they look. I really like Jevil’s big bells lol.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, or even questions about this AU, let me know! I’d love to hear/answer them!

Also for anyone who wants to be a little self indulgent, imagine finding your favorite darkner as a borrower/tiny. Just a little version of them. Maybe they were taking something from you, or perhaps they got stuck and now need you help. Either way, enjoy the daydreams heehehhehehe!

[itsukismoon]

Wild Illegal Race - Affection story Lv. 5 (Lagoon)

Voiceline when reaching level 5: Since you're always the one looking out for me, sometimes it's right for the roles to be reversed. You can ask this old man anything you want, and I'll answer to the best of my abilities, 'kay?

One day, during the maintenance of a faulty car that would be used in the race.

Emma: (Alright, all that’s left is to tighten the wheel screws—)

timer going off

Emma: ! I didn’t make it in time again…

When I got up to turn off the alarm clock on top of the wooden box, the sound suddenly stopped.

Lagoon: I found it weird that the lights were on this late. To think that it was you (TN: he addresses Emma as “Jou-chan” which means young lady)

Emma: Lagoon-san!

Lagoon: You even put on an alarm. What in the world are you doing?

Emma: I was practicing how to put on and take off the tires the way you have shown me today.

Emma: It took around 40 minutes during the day, so I thought I could try practicing how to do it in 30 minutes, but it’s difficult.

Lagoon: You’re as serious as ever, you. Still, you won’t learn anything if you keep on practicing until this late, right?

Emma: I like working with a clear goal in mind.

Emma: I’d like to achieve my goal; don’t you think that improving the working speed will lead to an increase in winning the race?

Lagoon: Jeez. It’s nice to be enthusiastic, but—

Lagoon, taking her hands: You even have blisters on your hands. It’s a sign you worked too hard.

Emma: Ah…. I didn’t even notice it.

Lagoon: If you push yourself too hard, you won’t be able to use your hands during the real deal.

Lagoon: It may sound a bit too harsh now, but once you neglect your body like this, it will become a habit and you will find yourself with more and more troubles.

Lagoon: Listen to the words of those who have experience. Otherwise, you’ll end up like my waist.

Lagoon, with my hand in his, starts walking

Emma: Ah…! Please wait. If I don’t put away the things I used—

Lagoon: Nope, leave it for tomorrow.

Lagoon: No one else uses this garage other than us; even if you leave them like that, they won’t cause problems to anyone else.

Emma: …I understand. I’ll give up fighting so is it okay if I let go (of your hand) now?

Lagoon: So that you can go back to work?

Emma: No, I won’t ignore your words.

Lagoon: Haha, I was kidding. But if I don’t keep you like this, you’re going to start acting carelessly again.

Emma, blushing: …!

After saying that, Lagoon tightened his grip a little bit, though it didn’t hurt at all.

Emma, blushing again: (…My face. It’s definitely red.)

While I thought about the ticklish warmth of his hand, Lagoon led me away from the garage.

[feralremains]

Tag nine people you want to get to know better

Thank you @the-toad-in-your-piano for the tag!

Three ships

Hm, I will tell about my most recent one, the one I've written the most about, and the one that got me into writing fanfic and making fanart.

The latest: Nygmobblepot! Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot from Gotham. Well, what can I say? Sad, mentally ill and murderous men, what's not to like? They have an interesting relationship, and I like to see it being explored more in many different forms.

The one I've written the most: Willton, Frederick Chilton/Will Graham from Hannibal. Even though this is the ship with the highest amount of words by me, it's still only somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 words. I'm a beginner, but hopefully getting better all the time! I admit, this one isn't very popular. I like NBC Hannibal's Chilton as a character a lot, and I personally think he needs some other character to develop himself. Will gives us contrast, with his cool calculations and violent mind compared to Frederick's neuroses and anxieties.

The beginning: Good old Mystrade. Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade from BBC Sherlock. I'm a sucker for emotionally suppressed middle-aged men. I suppose I could explore my own experiences through them - anxiety, depression, self esteem issues. Older queer people have always made me hopeful, and even though it really isn't the same, sometimes fictional characters work as a substitute.

First ever ship

Huh, I am not absolutely sure, but I guess this would be Johnlock. I remember seeing one of the older Sherlock Holmes films when I was younger, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, 1970, and Holmes implying Watson and he were lovers felt surreal, almost. This one was an old film for a young kid such as myself, and there they were, queer, and it wasn't only a joke, we were not only portrayed as comic relief. Obviously it was somewhat humorous (Holmes trying to avoid fathering a child for Madame Petrova), but they didn't make it seem like queer people were lesser. In a way, I felt understood - that's what not having obvious actual queer representation causes - and it stayed in the back of my mind for a long time.

Now, thinking about the ships I've now told about, I realise I (often along with other people) have headcanoned one person of the pair as asexual, even though I've only known I'm ace myself for a very short time, comparatively.

Last song

I've been listening to Hannibal the Musical and Possibly in Michigan (Animal Cannibal). Completely normal and sane songs to listen to, I can assure you.

Last movie

I watched The Lady in the Van with my parents last night. It was quite amusing, both light-hearted and serious at the same time. Before that, The Batman (2022), which I didn't like as much as some of the other Batman films, but it was quite decent.

Currently reading

Haha, I'm not currently reading anything, really. The last actual book I read was the Shining by Stephen King some weeks ago. It was much better than the film, which I watched right after, although not scary at all.

Currently watching

Gotham (2014-2019). Finding television series that can keep me watching is not the easiest task, I guess. Usually I only like a few characters, and try to resist the urge to only see their scenes as long as I can.

Currently consuming

Well, I should be getting an evening snack, but I'm writing this. Going to get an apple and some mango gurt with rice cereal.

Currently craving

This is a bit in the TMI territory, but the ability to feel strong emotions, and for once not anxiety. I feel very empty most of the time. Fortunately I have Petunia the blue tongue skink. I also would like to learn Swedish and get even more herps.

Tagging (no pressure to actually do this! Also, with my luck, everyone I tag has already participated in this, but no harm done anyways. I have literally never interacted with some of you, and never in a personal manner with any of you, but let's ignore that for a moment, or otherwise I could never participate in these)

@nygmobblepot-trash @arabriddler @shyjusticewarrior @cliobii @evansdoodles @super-who-locked-me-in-here @barbacarisi @the-chilton @no1raulesparzafan

[officialralsei]

Since your world has no day and night cycle you get to enjoy the stars constantly! I can't really see much stars at night thanks to light pollution.

There's a little bit of a day and night cycle! The lamps and such get dimmer at night... but that's easy for me to ignore sometimes, haha. It doesn't have much effect on my ability to see the stars. You're right that I can see them all the time!

And, um, I'm sorry you can't see them! That's too bad...