#If you're from the area you know people talk about the number being higher than 72

[hereswhere]

It's still standing there, draped in white. I pass Grenfell every day, knowing there are most likely still bodies in there, burned into the structure, and unrecognisable.

No one has been held accountable for murdering 72 people.

It will happen again.

[redshiftsinger]

Internships DO COUNT. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying, mistaken, or deliberately making an excuse to not hire because they're just pretending to try to hire. Counting as work experience is literally the entire point of internships. Put any internship(s) you've done on your resume. Also list your education, any degrees or diplomas or certifications you have even if it's just that you graduated high school (seriously, list your high school education even if you have higher education that implies you also did finish high school if you're trying to fill space on a sparse resume), and any volunteer stuff you've done that demonstrate you know how to show up on time and take direction from whoever's managing the project (or if you managed the volunteer project yourself, that you have project-management skills). This can include things like "subreddit moderator" or even running a discord for your friends (don't spend a lot of space on low-impressiveness stuff like running a small discord, and this should be high on the list of things to cut when you start running out of space, but if you're hurting for things to add, list it and be ready to talk about the skills it requires -- organization, communication, technological competency, etc). Did you hand out water for the local marathon for three hours once? List it unless it's taking up space you need for something more impressive. The less you have and the less it can be related to the job you're applying to, the lower-level job you can reasonably expect to actually get, but pretty much everyone starts with a low-level job and then gets better jobs later by citing that experience on their next application, unless they know someone who will just hand them a cushy job based on nepotism.

Then relate those things to the job you're applying for. You can list literally anything that counts as A Responsibility and gives you an opportunity to talk about a skill that will be useful for the job you want if the interviewer asks you about it. Just be smart about picking out the things you include, and remember that you can also use formatting tweaks like bumping up your header font size by 1 or increasing the spacing a little to fill space rather than having to pack in information. It's ok to have empty space on the page if your experience is sparse, and it's better to only fill the page 3/4ths if filling it all the way would require you to obviously pad it a lot by individually listing all five discords you've ever had any mod powers in. If you're young, it's normal to have little experience. If you're old enough that people your age typically have more experience to cite, you'll probably need to be ready to explain in an interview why you didn't enter the workforce sooner (unless it's obvious from your education -- if you were in college until the most recent graduation season, it will be assumed that you didn't work until now because you were focusing on completing your degree). And again, list it if the reason is something that can fairly be considered A Responsibility (were you a SAHM or a primary caretaker for an elderly or disabled family member? You don't have to have been paid to list it! It explains what you were doing with your time that kept you out of the workforce).

Also list specific individual skills like "typing speed: [number] WPM" (use any online typing speed test to find out. 60 or higher is "qualifying for entry-level data-entry or otherwise typing-heavy jobs" speed, and there are also online practice resources to improve your typing speed if it's low -- don't list it if you're very slow but if you can keep up with participating in an active chat without difficulty, you probably have a speed worth listing), "intermediate proficiency with [coding language]" or "languages spoken: English and Spanish" (don't underestimate the degree that being bilingual can improve your hireability, particularly if you speak a second language that's in demand in your area, but literally list any language you can speak well enough that you'd be able to perform the job you're applying to while dealing with a customer/client/patron who speaks that language better than they speak English. IMO speaking more than one language fluently enough to converse smoothly should always stay on a resume even if you have a lot of directly-relevant experience to cite and no particular reason to think that the job in question will ever need multilingual staff. It doesn't take up much space and it always gets at least a few points added in your favor.) Even if you have no work history, being able to point out that you have skills counts!

If you have so little to put on a resume that it's a struggle to get even half a page, you can also start by applying to a job that doesn't require a resume but rather has you fill out an application form, and regularly hires no-prior-work-experience teens. Working fast food or the kind of retail jobs that hire teens often sucks, but once you've got one job your resume won't be empty anymore, and it's easier to get a job that sucks less when you already have literally any job.

[the-firebird69]

There's a huge deal going on here in punta Gorda that these idiots won't listen to anything anyone says you're saying not to fly these Jets around us and it's people in town saying it about the air show today and they mean it too and they're finally papers with the state and it is because the Jets are not to code they are not certified for private air shows ever they are jets that are not kept up on maintenance schedules and they have things on them they're not supposed to the number one was they're driving and flying or whatever erratically too low too fast too loud too often in overpopulated areas when they don't have to you my son said at first he's always got the best one right up front and they are filing papers tons of people know what the rules are what the deck is where they can fly and what it should be it shouldn't be all day and it should not be when the show is not on and there are thousands and they're higher ups and they're mad at these assholes and they said they're destroying the property the injector burning and proving that they're hazard and that they don't know what they're doing and they sent it up there this morning to Tallahassee a lot of them sent to DC and a lot of my marks as a current military official some of them are recognized by I didn't and summer recognized by Camila some recognized by the max so sending teams down to see what the hell they're doing it for and it raised the curious question this guy went all the way up there and all the way back and did his little titty and he thinks he's invincible and he gets beat up okay he's a moron and he doesn't remember yesterday from today and what's going on with that too people find out they're very stupid and they're eating them away on purpose to get them out of here and then make sure they won't return and we're going after people here they're saying stuff to him they shouldn't and we're going to pull them out in pieces.

-there's more aggravation here than is necessary still these people need a lesson every few seconds and people are not enforcing it there's too many of them globally in some kind of complete suicidal spin and we can't afford them to pull up at all cuz they're worse and they're killing themselves but we have to make sure it gets done and we need more people on these teams right now and I ask everyday and I mean it everyday and our people need to pay attention we need more personnel on this

Thor Freya

Olympus

It's not fun anymore here and I'm getting more troops in it's terrifyingly bad I'm sending notices out too they're terrorists and they're activating and we can't fool around with them anymore and here we are being reactionary again I don't like it

Nuada Arrianna I'm now going and recruiting because I can't stand it anymore

We also see what he's saying this is what we need to do these are the people we need all this number and we need everybody right now and we need to train them and we don't have time but we have to do it so it's not going to go very well like we wanted because we need to recruit and I'm putting an effort in right now I'm going to catch up with somebody who are neck and neck with. Pakistan and India good I have to beat them

Uriel and Goddess Wife

Hold on a minute we're getting our stuff together we're increasing our recruiting

India gods and goddesses

We are too we see them doing it

Gods and goddesses of Pakistan

I sort of get this we're annoying the s*** out of people by not signing them up and it's not a hard job and it's imperative and it's the most important so we're getting into it and earnest I don't appreciate the sentiment but he says so much get the job done and stop doing stupid s*** to me cuz you can't or won't get that it's a lot of people do it and I am not someone's whipping boy and I'm trying to make it here so I can help people this place turns into a nasty disaster so we're going to stop talking about it it's actually true we're actually like little wimps and cards and he sees it everywhere so it's going to move out

Gods and goddesses of India and we're getting a move on yes we say move out

You approved this message Olympus we're getting it out there her

[onemomstrash]

The Ethics of Reselling

As a parent, you always want to lead a positive example for your kids. Most subjects and lessons aren't black and white - there are pros and cons to consider and sometimes you have to step back and calculate what does more harm than good. Reselling is no exception.

If you're new to reselling, you may not know that there is a hotly debated question that every reseller needs to think about: Is it ethical to purchase items from a thrift store to resell, or should thrift store goods be reserved for low-income shoppers who plan to use the items for themselves.

No one can answer this question without some bias. Your current and past personal finances, attitude about money, location, and more are going to affect how you feel about it. As you've probably figured out, I consider the pros of reselling to far outweigh the negatives, which is why I feel good about reselling in order to support my family.

But if you browse Reddit (as I do daily) for posts about reselling, you'll see many like this one from r/ThriftStoreHauls in December 2022: "Reselling goes against what thrifting is really all about and resellers have damn near ruined thrifting. The 'side hustle' is killing the hobby and killing a place for people with low income to buy half decent clothes."

I want to cover the pros and cons of reselling and point out some things to consider when thinking about the ethics of shopping at thrift stores and reselling.

Reselling Keeps Items Out of Landfills

Global warming - heard of it? Consumption and waste is a massive issue today, and the best ways to cut down on waste are to 1) avoid buying more stuff and 2) reuse the stuff you already have.

According to TheRoundUp.org, the world produces 92 million tons of JUST textile waste per year, with China contributing 20 million of that and the U.S. contributing 17 million. 66% of unwanted clothing ends up in the landfill, with less than 15% of it being recycled and 19% of it burned.

That's a TON of waste.

A lot of textile waste from developed countries is also sent to Africa or Asia. This is often referred to as a "gift" to these areas when in reality the textiles are often unusable, causing communities to have to figure out how to dispose of them. As you can read in this Greenpeace article, textile waste is literally sitting along African riverbanks because there is no other way to deal with it. With so many cheap clothing options being sent to these regions, textile waste is also crushing local textile markets with consumers choosing cheap prices over quality.

Resellers keep items from making their way to the landfill - and global riverbanks. And since we are talking about oversupply...

Most Thrift Stores Do Not Have An Issue of Low Inventory - Rather the Opposite

I'm not quite sure where the myth that there is not enough to go around when it comes to thrift stores came from - but it's absolutely a myth. Sure, there may be a limited number of designer items available at low thrift store prices, but when it comes to functional, warm, stylish clothing, thrift stores are literally overflowing.

Anyone who has ever been to the Goodwill Bins can attest to this. At the bins, donated items are dumped into large bins, where shoppers can sort through and pick up what they want, then pay per pound for their treasures. Certain larger items may be a higher, flat, price, but the general pricing for bin items is between $1 and $2 per pound.

Thrift stores get so many donations, that the goods are often not even sorted before heading right to the bins, meaning that they are never looked through in order for workers to pull items to sell at Goodwill retail stores. Because of this, you often have a better chance of finding designer goods at the cheap Goodwill bins than Goodwill retail stores, as many designer items are pulled from retail stores in order to be sold online at Goodwill auctions.

Many resellers are also niche resellers. They might focus on selling vintage, designer, or band tees. Some of the most popular and well-loved clothing and shoe brands don't resell for much, which means that they are often untouched by resellers. These items still provide warmth, comfort, and functionality, and are ALL over thrift stores. I've never been to a thrift store that wasn't filled with American Eagle jeans in a variety of sizes and Gap sweaters in tons of colors! I could easily take another reseller friend and a non-reseller friend with me to the thrift store, and all of us would find things to buy while leaving plenty for others.

Since I brought up bins pricing, I feel I need to mention a thrift store pricing reality:

The Goal of Most Thrift Stores is NOT to Provide Low-Priced Goods

Many thrift stores' main goal is to fund initiatives like career growth, NOT to provide low-priced items to shoppers. Even Goodwill, probably the first name you think of when you hear thrift store, has this as a mission statement:

"Goodwill® works to enhance the dignity and quality of life of individuals and families by strengthening communities, eliminating barriers to opportunity, and helping people in need reach their full potential through learning and the power of work."

Their #1 goal is to earn money, and resellers often spend more at thrift stores than regular shoppers. Browse through the Reddit thread I linked above, and you'll see a comment from a thrift store worker who said that they are a top three store in their region largely due to sales to resellers. Resellers keep thrift stores in business so that they can reach their goals and still continue to offer items at reasonable prices for low-income shoppers.

Resellers CAN Inflate The Prices of Sought-After Items - But So Can Thrift Stores

I often see resellers being blamed for inflated thrift store prices. People believe that because resellers are selling brands for resale-level prices and making content in order to promote brands that they like to pick up, they are giving thrift stores all of the information they need in order to mark up prices.

But here is the thing: Thrift stores are in charge of their own pricing. They may see that a brand is selling for hundreds online and then decide to price their item at hundreds as well - but this is a corporate choice. They get free donations, and they obviously want to profit off of these donations in order to stay in business, but sometimes their markup can get pretty ridiculous. I've seen my fair share of items that still have tags selling for $5 at the thrift when I can clearly see the original $3 price tag. Sometimes this pricing can benefit us as buyers, as overpriced and unsold items also often end up at the Goodwill bins to be sold by the pound.

Under this heading is also where I want to mention a type of reselling that I personally don't find to be ethical at all: The buying up of retail items such as medical equipment, basic necessities, or children's Christmas gifts to be resold at a profit.

Almost every Black Friday, I see someone with a pallet of the season's hottest toys and get embarrassed that they call themselves resellers. Last year it was Magic Mixies that started to pop up for triple the cost once they sold out of stores. The year before that, parents couldn't get a hold of Cocomelon dolls. During the pandemic, you had people marking up toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and other things that people needed to stay safe and healthy. To me, this is a completely different type of reselling and one that I can't support. If you're willing to have someone become ill or ruin a child's Christmas morning because you wanted to make a fast and high profit, I don't consider you a reselling peer.

Reselling Isn't Just Selling

It's hunting for the right items. It's washing and stain-treating them. It's mending holes or tie-dyeing away stains. It's steaming and photographing and listing and shipping. Reselling might be fun to those of us who do it, but it's also WORK. No reseller is sourcing for inventory and then laying around watching the money roll in. Many reselling skeptics will say that they feel it's okay to upcycle thrifted goods, but much of the work of reselling goes unnoticed. But this work is important! Often the difference between something heading to a landfill vs. heading to a new home after it sells on Poshmark is a deep cleaning and someone to believe in it.

Low-Income Shoppers May Not Be Able to Make it to the Thrift Store in Time to Nab Treasures

One of the most complicated aspects of reselling ethics is that there are so many factors related to someone's opportunity to shop and the amount of money they can spend. At what point does someone no longer qualify as low-income? Is it ethical for someone in poverty to start reselling in order to improve their financial situation? And does everyone have the same opportunity to shop for the same goods?

The answer to that last one is a complicated no. The area you live in is going to affect what is available at your thrift stores. This is the case when it comes to the quality of the items and the kind of items. A higher-income area will often have higher-dollar items donated. A store in the south will probably not be a great place to source for outerwear.

Schedules also play a big role in reselling. The more time you have to browse thrift stores, the more opportunity you have to source something good. I've seen many people point out that low-income shoppers also often work longer hours or multiple jobs, meaning that they have less free time to spend finding deals at the thrift store. Again, something I feel needs to be mentioned in order to paint the picture that reselling is a gray area.

Some People Want Thrifted Items but Don't Want to Thrift

I feel like it's not talked about enough that thrifting just isn't for everyone. It's time-consuming. It's overwhelming. It takes a lot of knowledge in order to make good buys. And sometimes it's just plain gross. I LOVE it, but if I didn't love it, I would absolutely buy from a reseller in order to get something I really wanted without all of the searching and cleaning. Luckily, I find that this is how most non-thrifters look at thrifted goods: I'm happy to pay a price we agree upon, especially because I didn't have to go hunting in a basement to find it.

Reselling Offers a Flexible Way for People to Earn Income

I started reselling 6 years ago when my son was about 6 months old. I was not living in poverty. We had just made the decision that I would be a stay-at-home mom because my mental health was struggling postpartum. Most of this was because I was working for a startup that offered me almost no resources as a new mom. I didn't get any paid maternity leave. They chose not to bring me on as a salaried employee but rather keep me on as a contractor so that they would not have to offer me benefits. I worked from home, which seemed like an amazing deal for a new parent, but they expected the baby to not be seen or heard. I was trying to do the bulk of my work at night, which meant that I handed the baby off to my husband when he got home and locked myself in my office.

Eventually, we couldn't take it anymore, and he told me I could quit. Because we were planning on me working, we had not been saving up for this transition. We very abruptly lost more than 33% of our household income and had a new baby who needed lots of things. So I started to shop for baby clothes at thrift stores. One day I found a nice pair of shoes that weren't his size, but they were SUCH a great deal. They were priced at $3 and I knew my in-laws had recently bought him a pair at the retail cost of $45. I decided to see if I could earn a little bit from them, went home to make an eBay account, and sold them the next morning for $15.

That's how it all started.

I could go on all day about how our country treats new mothers, but I'll focus on the fact that it is REALLY hard to be a mom and earn any kind of money. Whether you're a working mom who is having a hard time balancing it all, a stay-at-home mom who is struggling with not contributing financially, or a mom who just simply wants to earn some extra income for a special trip, new stove, or kids' activities, I love the flexibility that reselling has given me, and I want to help women make it work for them too. When I decided to stay home with my son, it was the first time that I hadn't worked since I was 15 and the first time I was financially dependent on someone since I was 18. That was tough for me. Until I discovered reselling, I felt like the only way to spend time with my kids and make money was to join a sketchy MLM and work for pennies while never looking away from my phone.

I'm happy that I found another option.

I'd love for this to be a post I come back to over and over again to edit. For it to be an accurate and insightful take on the ethics of reselling. So I'd love for you to drop your comments below and keep the conversation going.

[valueplusautoparts]

How To Find The Best Auto Parts Supplier For Your Business

In today's retail environment, being able to quickly source and fulfill orders for your customers is critical. Whether you're running a small auto repair shop or managing multiple locations for a large corporation, it's important that you have the parts and supplies you need when they're needed. The best way to find suppliers who can meet those needs is by knowing what type of products you need and where they're available. As an example, if you run an auto body shop in Texas then it makes sense to look at local suppliers first before exploring other options.

Knowing the area where you want to buy your products is important.

Knowing the area where you want to buy your products is important. It's also important to know where your target market is, so that you can find suppliers who will be able to sell their product at a competitive price in that area.

For example, if I was looking for auto parts suppliers in California and wanted them to be able to supply me with parts at a competitive price, then I should look at suppliers based in California or surrounding areas (such as Nevada).

Start with local parts suppliers.

The first place you should look for a parts supplier is your local area. It's easy to find out who the best auto parts suppliers are in your area by asking around and talking with people in the industry, but if that doesn't work, there are other ways as well.

Local parts suppliers have been around longer than national ones, so they have a better understanding of their market and its needs. They can also be more flexible with their inventory since they don't have to carry as much stock compared with larger companies that ship nationwide or internationally (or even globally). Plus, if you're looking for something specific like high performance brakes or custom wheels for your classic car, chances are higher that these types of businesses will have access to them!

Online auto parts suppliers are a great option.

Online auto parts suppliers are a great option. You can find a supplier on the internet and then contact them to see if they have what you need in stock. Some online suppliers have websites where you can browse their inventory, but others just provide an email address or phone number for ordering purposes.

You can also use online search engines to find auto parts manufacturers near your location (such as Google Maps) and then compare prices and services from different suppliers before placing an order with one of them

A good auto parts supplier will be willing to ship your order right away.

You don't want to wait for your order. If a supplier is willing to ship right away, then they're the best option for you.

Don't get stuck with a supplier who doesn't have what you need in stock or on their shelves.

Don't waste time on suppliers who are difficult to work with or don't ship in a timely manner--it's not worth it!

Not all auto parts suppliers have the same shipping policies.

Not all auto parts suppliers have the same shipping policies. Some will only ship within the US, while others will only ship to a certain radius or address. To avoid costly mistakes, you should make sure you're getting the right information before ordering your auto parts from anyone.

Finding the right supplier is key to running a successful business

Finding the right auto parts supplier is key to running a successful business. The first step is knowing where you want to buy your products from. If you're located in a large city, there are likely many options available for local suppliers. However, if you're looking for an online auto parts supplier, this can be trickier because most people don't have access to high-quality suppliers by default (at least not yet).

If you're thinking about buying locally-based products through one of these companies:

Start with local parts suppliers first because they may be able to offer better service due to their proximity and familiarity with your area's conditions and culture.

Value Plus Auto Parts is a full-service auto parts supplier. We supply auto parts to customers in the United States and Canada. Our goal is to provide the highest quality products at the lowest possible prices.

We are committed to providing our customers with excellent service and support, and we stand behind every product that we sell. If you have any questions about our products or services, please feel free to contact us.

Value Plus Auto Parts 8121 Livernois, Detroit, MI 48204, USA +1 31 3931 9999 https://valueplusautopartswholesale.com/ https://www.google.com/maps?cid=10429367345021126601

[casulafishmarkets]

In Australia, demand for certain oyster types has increased

We won't be able to defeat the shell unless everyone on the squad is paying attention and working as a cohesive one. It's interesting to know that an oyster's price changes significantly according on its size. Because there are so many variables at play, we have a lot of information to evaluate.

The chef must successfully tackle the problem of preparing the oyster's flesh. Regardless of how difficult your project may be, you have more than enough capacity to do it.

It's excellent that you are taking the oysters' size into account. Wonderful news! Oysters vary in convexity from 0 (the flattest) to 5 (the most convex). Oysters with hollow shells are common. Wow, it is fantastic! It is now feasible to measure an oyster's size exactly. Oysters with higher numbers often have larger shells than oysters with lower numbers. We could choose to highlight the significance of the Fish Market Australia when we talk about it.

The traditional saying holds that one flat oyster has the same volume as 100 regular oysters

Oysters, which range in weight from 46 to 65 grammes, are very nutrient-dense. Important disclaimer: despite popular belief, oysters are not completely edible. You just need to pick at it with your fingernails to mend it. Since they are tiny and have a moderate, well-balanced salinity, these oysters are ideal for those who are trying oysters for the first time. Wow, what a lovely evening! I think the ideal date would be a candlelight meal with a bottle of Sancerre and two Tap marines. Your journey to Australia can be enhanced by learning about its best oyster market. Australia has a top-notch oyster market. You may choose from any of the available selections at the Seafood suppliers Australia.

Fantastic tidbits! Oysters weighing between 66 and 85 grams are categorised as medium size. It's wonderful that it is offered in a typical size that ought to fit most folks. A fantastic time to try oysters for the first time is right now. Every dinner will contain oysters that were purchased from Sydney's renowned seafood market in Australia.

Oysters weighing between 86 and 110 grams are needed to get a decent sampling of the delectable meat. Oyster connoisseurs claim that this is the ideal portion size. Learn how to use it in a variety of delicious seafood recipes.

Despite being on the lower end of the range, size 5 oysters nevertheless make for a delicious and memorable feast. It is much appreciated that there are so many extra-large oysters. For best taste, reheat them just before you begin to eat.

It should be simple to choose an oyster that is the perfect size for you since they come in a variety of sizes

It's fascinating to see how preferences change when people are exposed to various surroundings. Once they achieve sexual maturity, oysters may reproduce. There are many more delectable seafood alternatives if an old oyster is not what you're in the mood for. The Seafood Wholesalers Australia service is available there.

There has been a large demand for oysters of the second-class kind. Larger oysters release flavour more rapidly and leave a longer-lasting aftertaste because they have a larger surface area to volume ratio. This makes their already great flavour even better.

The Fines de Claire are regarded for their delicate flavour and flexibility, coming up at number four on the oyster scale.

Oyster beginners and experts alike will like the taste of No. 3 oysters, making them a terrific choice. Try some of our delectable No. 3 Fines de Claire oysters if you become hungry.

Anyone who wishes to may securely shut the window.

Before opening, oysters may be savoured for a longer amount of time if prefered, but it is not necessary. Get a platter of oysters that have already been opened to save time and avoid cutting your hands.

Author Bio: Jeremy is a professional writer writing on the Fish Market Australia and that is the reason that you will be having the best details for the same from him.

[butterfly-in-progress]

Imaginary numbers are actually such a fascinating concept that get a bad rap for their name. I could get into all sorts of applications for them (electrical engineering, fluid dynamics) but given your distaste for the subject I would guess that you wouldn't enjoy delving into the applications.

So instead, let me tell you why this is useful from a logic/problem solving perspective that will strengthen your brain.

(why is a random math lover here to lecture you on imaginary numbers? Well, incidentally you used "mathblr" as the tag on this which happens to basically be the "I love math" tag. You projected your distaste for a type of number to all the math nerds on Tumblr I'm sorry to say)

Also disclaimer: I never got into some of the mega complex analysis kinda stuff like many in the tag. I just follow as an enthusiast. My degree is in data science where I took a big math focus.

Anyway! You can think of math like a language or set of rules we all agreed upon to make things more precise. How far away is the sun? Well, maybe you don't need to know more than it's really far away, but maybe you want to be able to figure out how fast a comet passing by the sun will be in range of earth. Then those measurements become much more useful!

The more complex the problem, the more complex our tools become. Sure, we could just add the same number multiple times over and over again and only use a sum, but it's much faster if you have a set operation that says "add 3 four times." Now instead of having 3+3+3+3, you have 3x4

And from these rules, other rules emerge. Some things emerge and some things are decided upon. Say you have four rows of three donuts in a box. If you count by the rows first or the columns first, it doesn't matter. You still get to 12. 3×4 = 4×3 = 12. This is called the commutative property of multiplication. This comes about intuitively.

But when you get to higher levels of math, "multiplying" might not work like that. When you're multiplying matrices, (say A and B are two matrices), AB does not necessarily equal BA. Because you're working with different items than the integers we had before, you define the operations differently.

And for everything we can do, we should have a way we can undo it, yeah? You have 12 donuts and want to split them between 4 friends. The reverse of multiplication! Division!

I'm not intending to talk down to you. You're clearly knowledgeable enough to be taking an advanced math class! You're already very familiar with multiplication and division. In a way, I'm trying to call back to when things may have made more sense, maybe before you started just plugging things into the formulas you memorized (because that is unfortunately what happens to a lot of people in math classes, to the point where some people think that's all it really is), when you understood the concept and reason behind a rule instead of just being able to replicate a process. Imo, it's frustrating to just be told to blindly replicate a process over and over again!

Anyway, from geometrical operations like calculating the area of a square space, we get the operation of squaring something. 3×3 = 3^2

We decided that a negative number times a negative number equals a positive number when setting up these rules. Well, we kinda decided it and it kinda just works best because of how we defined all the other rules. Like, check this out.

Say that a and b are two numbers. Doesn't really matter what they are, any two numbers.

If you add a and -a together, it's 0, because if you go a certain distance away from 0 and then go the same distance back towards zero, you're back at zero.

Now let's say b=5 for some arbitrary reason to make the example makes sense. Go five times a distance away from a point, and then five times the same distance back towards the point, you're back where you started.

So ab + (-ab) = 0

But we set this up so that b could be any number, positive or negative...

So a(-b) + (-a)(-b) =0

We've got -ab and -a×-b

The first number is negative, so the second number has to be positive for all these other rules to work.

This is a VERY VERY simplified and (probably erroneous) version of a proof to show why a negative number times a negative number is a positive.

That's another thing about higher levels of math that I love. Everything is justified. You legit write whole in depth proofs to show why these things we've built so much of society around actually work. Why we do this the way we do this. Think about the kind of skill involved in that, to say "this actually has a reason that makes sense. The way we do this also helps all these other things work"

When you've been told so often "that's just the way it is. That's just how it's done," and still not be able to understand, to see a rule be given such patient attention and diligence to justify it is beautiful.

Okay, so with all that setup

A negative times a negative is positive. That means that a number squared is always positive.

So the opposite operation also exists. The reverse of squaring something is taking the square root.

So you have sqrt(9) and you get 3 and -3, because either one of those numbers could have been squared to get 9

But... Sqrt(-9)?

Well, it's not possible for a number times itself to be a negative number. If the number was positive, then the number squared is positive. If the number was negative, then that number squared is also positive.

But... We have the operation right there, and we have the negative number that we can stick into it. What, are we supposed to just say "oh well guess it doesn't work!" No, because we don't just make rules willy nilly. We don't just ignore that. Where's the fun in that? What does this mean for our rules? Are the rules broken? Do we need new rules? We have to be able to justify what we do!

So we have imaginary numbers. We have a number that means the square root of negative 1, so that when you square that number, you still get a negative number. That's so cool! We created new things and it works! And it means we can better define functions that don't ever touch an x axis.

So if you have y = x^2 + 9, what are the roots of that function? This doesn't have any roots that actually touch the x axis, but it does have roots on the complex plane! (Where we have imaginary numbers). One of the things that I've worked on in math modeling (specifically using matrices to approximate real world phenomena) is helped by imaginary numbers. When you know whether an equation has imaginary or real eigenvalues, you better understand the system itself and how to simplify it. These things do have use in more advanced stuff, but for your purposes:

High school sucks. I never want to go back to it, and I know it's a hectic time so I don't blame you if you can't devote the brainpower to actually getting anything out of this class. If you just have to keep your head down and get through it, that's valid. It's all really hard.

But there is beauty in these things, and they can teach you how to evaluate things to their logical conclusions. Another post I loved on this website once called math weightlifting for your brain. The more practice you get at investigating why rules work the way they do, and taking them out to their logical conclusion, the more you practice evaluating how numbers fit together even if it's not immediately obvious, the better you will be for it. You will develop skills that will serve you well in life.

Anyway, I hope the rest of the year goes well for you, and that you're able to make the best of a class you didn't want to be in.

I will never forgive my school for putting me in algebra 3 which is a college level course. Idc if I ‘met the credentials’ to be in this class, I never asked to have to learn about imaginary numbers!!! WTF DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE IMAGINARY NUMBERS?!

[soursvgar]

What makes them jealous?

demon brothers (minus luci and beel) x gender neutral reader warnings: slight angst, mentions of ch. 16, mentions of violence

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Mammon ━ you praising someone else

Mammon has an aptitude to get himself into sticky situations, which graced him with quite the reputation. Virtually, Mammon is a good one, but has a hard time bringing his image to line with his actual personality. When he fell for you, he made it his life's mission to show you the real him, the one that is caring, generous and loving. Mammon wants you to perceive him as the perfect man, one that can provide for your every need, and fulfil your every whim. Hence, hearing you complimenting and praising anyone other than him is unacceptable, he can be whatever you need him to be, just don't go to someone else.

"I've decided I'm not speaking with ya, human." Mammon settles on your bed, arms linked together as he glowers at you. "Your silence sure is rumbling. What is it this time?" You tease, already used to his dramatic responses. "It ain't funny! Yesterday you commented on Lucifer's self discipline, then it was Beel's determination to stay active, where do I fit into all this, hm? What is it with ya?"

At first you laugh, but he retains his scowl, persistent in his theatrics. You decide to sit by his side, taking his hand into yours before you rest your intertwined fingers on your lap. "I applaud their admirable behaviors because I believe it's good to celebrate positive things others do, but it doesn't take away from your good virtues. There are things that no one else does as well as you." Mammon looks up at you as if desperately seeking your affirmations. "T-There are? I mean- of course there are, no one compares to The Great Mammon! But a-ahem, like what?"

"Oh, so that means you're talking to me again?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Leviathan ━ you hyping up a favorite character/idol

It may come off a little silly, but being a shut in has Levi holding different people to different standards. Deeming himself a worthless good for nothing, his jealousy manifest in the people you adore, since he so badly wants to be one of them. However, the only beings he associates with you are in his immediate surroundings, his brothers for example, which are equal to him in power and status. Therefore, when you come into his room gushing about your favorite idol or character, that he already holds to higher standards due to the god-like class he administers to his own, he can't halt the rush of envy through his body. Why can't he be them?

"What is this doing here?" Leviathan holds a crumped piece of paper, inspecting it. You had requested his aid with moving furniture in your room in order for you to clean behind them, not realizing you brought some of your merch back from the human world with you. "Oh, I was wondering where that disappeared to... it's my favorite member from a human world band I'm a fan of." Beaming at the long lost item, you take the poster back and begin straightening the edges while you tell Leviathan all about your idol. Leviathan doesn't respond, instead, he watches you with a displeased expression, looking almost offended.

"By any chance, are you... jealous?" Puzzled, you seek for his confirmation, having actually thought that out of all brothers, Leviathan would be the most accepting of your interests. He's quick to shoot you down, mumbling bitterly about how he was certain that things like these were his area of expertise and it simply took him by surprise. You knew better, though; the nervous flinching of his fingertips accompanying his overly impudent attitude attested of his attempt to control his envy from getting out of hand. You almost visibly coo at his efforts to contain himself, smiling to yourself.

"But you know you're always my number one, right?"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Satan ━ you (or anyone) outsmarting him

'Knowledge is power', is key to understanding Satan's values and way of thinking. Feeling slightly inferior within his own family, he uses his wits to grant himself an advantage over the others as he believes that being the smartest person in the room puts him on a higher pedestal, and worthy of more respect. Satan has to be the smartest, and no one usually puts enough effort to rise above him. So when you come around and prove the limits of his brain to him, you send him into a state of confusion, unravelling his self deprecating side rather than a vengeful beast of wrath.

"You were cheating, there's no way I've lost, I haven't lost a game of othello for over a hundred and fifty years." Satan rambles, spectating the board that sent a clear message of victory on your part. "For the nth time, I didn't cheat. I won fair and square." You roll your eyes and brace yourself for a potential full blown argument. It was a recurring theme for Satan to rage and throw a tantrum over pretty mundane things, and while usually the two of you channelled the pent up energy towards a better usage of your time (interpret this however you like), this specific occasion felt very different. Satan did not sulk nor did he violently toss any inanimate objects in the room, instead, he was sitting quietly, eyes boring holes into the game board as if it might change the result.

"It's not possible, how did you beat me? I'm supposed to be the smart one, the one you go to whenever you need guidance or help. And now I can't even win a simple game against you?" Your face softens to the sound of his words.

"Well, I had a good teacher. You taught me everything I know."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Asmodeus ━ you being touchy with others

Asmo is a pretty suave demon, even without his special abilities he can use his looks and his slick tongue to charm any being. Knowing you're a natural yourself at making others sway, he's not too bothered with a flirty remark here and there or a double take. If anything, he finds it natural and even a little exciting when he observes you checking someone out or smooth talking your way into collecting a favor. But don't get too comfortable with his easy going nature, because your body is his temple, and you are his gorgeous treasure that others may look at, but under no circumstances, touch.

"Oh my, was that a flirty shoulder tap I just witnessed Mephistopheles giving you?" Asmodeus gasps, arms crossed. He tries to mask it as meaningless banter, but you can sense there's more beneath it and rush to correct him. "He was just thanking me for letting him copy my notes." You explain. He keeps his stance for a minute before letting his arms fall to his sides, sighing. "That's a no no, okay? Don't just let someone touch you like this, I bet he doesn't even use hand lotion..."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Belphegor ━ you not including him in your plans

No word of lie, this boy is a little bit obsessed with you. Under the rugged layers of sarcasm and chaff hides a gentle, insecure soul that simply just loves you too much for its own good. Belphie deals with his fair share of guilt when it comes to you, and he often walks on eggshells, too afraid to wake up from the euphoric dream that is your relationship. It's those reasons, along with his temper issues, that cloud his judgment whenever you're out of reach and lead his rushed conclusions to break his own heart.

"Did you forget about me?" You blink at the sound of the voice addressing you, only have entered the house of lamentation after an outing with Simeon and Luke. Belphegor was cross legged on the sofa, brows furrowed as he's glancing daggers at you. You slightly shiver, his familiar enraged expression doesn't exactly incite good memories. "I saw the photos on Simeon's devilgram, why didn't you tell me you were going out?"

"Belphie, y-you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up to ask you to join..." You mutter, shaken by the hostile situation that greeted your return. It's not that you were afraid of him, having him in a pact with you allowed you to take the reins at any given time, but it was never a pleasant reminder to see what your sweet cuddle buddy is capable of attempting once again. Fortunately, the change of pitch was enough to pull him out of his jealous state, recognizing something in your eyes he hoped to never witness again.

"I'm sorry... I'm overreacting. I just missed you, that's all."

[princessofcurses]

[2] Struggling Sweetly

Part 1

Pairing: Ryomen Sukuna x Fem!Reader & Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader Preface: Part 2. You’re devastated after your darling has cheated on you but an old friend has come to cheer you up. Unfortunately, it's never that easy. content warning: out of character, college AU, infidelity, alcohol, angst, sexy time, size kink, cigarette smoking, toxic relationships, blood, depression Word Count: 6.2k If you like it, please leave a like and/or reblog ♡

The next morning, you woke up with your cheek still squished to Satoru's chest and your leg draped over him. He was asleep and lightly snoring. You marveled at him: his soft and fair skin, his silky and messy hair, and oh god his toned body. The way you felt looking at him right now reminded you of the first time you met him and were captivated by him. It was your first year at Jujutsu High and Satoru was a third year. He was assigned to be your mentor and look out for you, the main reason being that the higher-ups had an eye on you, suspicious of your inexplicable strength. You were meeting in the courtyard and your impression as he walked towards you was that he was a giant; he's well over six feet! As you came to face each other, he had to look down to make eye contact with you which made you pout.

"Wow, Y/N! You're like a foot shorter than me."

The choppy laugh he let out annoyed you a bit and you stood there, staring at him in silence.

"Gojo Satoru. I'll be your mentor and guardian from now on!"

He reached out his hand for you to shake. You took his in yours and firmly gripped it, feeling his calluses and thinking this man works hard. His thumb lightly rubbed over the back of your hand and you quickly retracted yours, putting it back to your side, feeling a bit flustered.

"Gojo-san-"

"Call me Senpai."

You rolled your eyes, adding to your unamused expression while he snickered. You called him by the honorific with a bit of a hiss.

"Senpai, I don't need a guardian. I can take care of myself."

He shook his head and leaned forward to be at eye-level with you, putting his hands on your shoulders. A small vein on your forehead popped out from your irritation because of his patronizing behavior but then you caught a glimpse of his eyes above his pitch-black lenses. You had already known of the Six Eyes but they were even more beautiful and intense in person. They held the sparkling ocean, or maybe it's the sky, and thin clouds passed through them. You turned to ice, feeling mesmerized by him and his presence.

"I'm sure you can but it isn't just cursed spirits you need to be wary of. There are sorcerers that don't have good intentions for you too."

Noticing that you were in a bit of a daze, assumedly from his presence, he chuckled and put his arm around you and began walking.

"Well, don't worry. I'll be the best mentor and guardian. Ora. I'll show you around the campus."

That marked the beginning of a crush that lasted 4 1/2 years. It would've been 5 and maybe longer, but six months ago when you started your second year in college and Satoru started his fourth and last year, you met Sukuna who was in his last year as well.

Your reminiscing was cut short when Satoru began to stir, transitioning from dreaming to awakening. A groggy and throaty noise escaped from his mouth when he outstretched his arms and legs. Slowly opening his empyrean eyes, you perked up when his met yours. He smiled and spoke with a deep and sleepy voice that you found erotic.

"Hm? Have you been waiting for me to wake up?"

"No, no. I woke up not too long ago."

You stammered, not wanting him to know you spent the last several minutes ogling him in his sleep. You both sat up and Satoru began looking for his phone.

"What time is it?"

You unlocked your phone and held it up to his face so he could see the time.

"SHIT! 9 AM!? I was supposed to be in Osaka at 8 for a mission. Yaga's going to kill me."

Satoru hopped out of bed and frantically looked for his clothes, tearing the sheets up and looking under the bed. He found them and hurriedly put them on. You spotted his phone on the floor and picked it up to hand it to him.

"What's the mission?"

"Exorcising curses responsible for the many incomplete domains and missing people in the area."

"Sounds like fun! Can I come?"

"Sorry, sweets. I have to go alone since it's a field assignment for class. I'll be back in a few days. Wait for me?"

He gave you a peck on the cheek and patted the top of your head. You looked puzzled, pondering what he meant by 'wait for me' but before you got the chance to ask or even say goodbye, he had warped away.

Does he want me to wait in my room until he gets back? No, that can't be it. Ugh. I don't get it.

You went back under the covers and stared at the ceiling, sighing as you began to feel lonely. You opened up your contacts list on your phone and scrolled through the names, wondering who you should hit up to hang out with. You winced as you slowly passed by Sukuna's name; you pressed on his contact and was about to hit BLOCK but then an incoming call with his name on it took over your screen. The screen became blurry and your heart began to beat against your chest. Not knowing what to do, you waited there until the call went to voicemail but a few seconds after the ringing had stopped, he was calling again.

Don't answer it. There's nothing important he has to say to you.

Your hand holding your phone was shaking and you gave yourself a pep talk to be strong but you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to talk to him. If you answered, you hoped he would grovel at your feet and beg you for your forgiveness. But then what would you do? What would you want to happen afterward? You rid your head of the hypothetical situation and blocked his number after his second call went to voicemail. He had left one this time.

"Y/N, I know you don't want to talk to me or see me but I'm begging you, please give me a chance to explain. If you're truly done with me, can't we at least talk so I can get closure? Call me back. I love you."

Your heart skipped a beat when you heard him say he loves you. He had only said it a handful of times when you were still together. You tossed your phone to the other side of the room and brought the covers over your face.

“You love me, but you cheated on me? Why do you need closure, you idiot?”

You huffed in annoyance but then tears were escaping from the corners of your eyes. You grabbed the pillow Satoru used and buried your face in it, holding it to your chest tightly. His lingering scent made you feel a little better but you still sobbed into the pillow until you fell asleep.

The next week, after doing nothing except sleeping and sulking, you decided to go out to the club tonight for a few drinks and music so loud you wouldn't be able to hear your thoughts. You didn't have club attire so you pulled up in black cargo pants, a black tube top, and black platform boots and luckily, it barely made the dress code and the bouncer let you in. As soon as you stepped inside, you felt the stale air from all of the people crowded together. You squished in between some and pushed your way through others to get to the bar. Once you finally made it, you took a seat and ordered a strawberry margarita. Every so often, someone took a seat beside you to try and talk to you but you rebuffed each one with just a wave of your hand without even giving them a glance.

Three margaritas later and you were feeling tipsy, thinking now is a good time for a cigarette. Stepping out of the stuffy club into fresh air, you pulled out a fresh pack and checked your purse and all of your pockets for a lighter, sighing when you didn't have one. You timidly began to ask the people around you but were out of luck because they either didn't have one or they wanted something in return for it. Unsuccessful in your pursuit, you took a seat at one of the tables with your unlit cigarette between your lips. You sighed, your elbow on the table and your hand supporting your head up, using your other one to scroll through your phone.

"Do you need a light?"

You stiffened knowing whose voice it was and you slowly turned your head up to see Sukuna standing before you, a smile with a hint of mal intent on his face. Shaken up and unsure of what to say, he used the pause to take a seat in front of you and he pulled out a lighter. You leaned in and your eyes locked onto each other’s as he lit your cigarette. Seeing your doe eyes ignited something in him and you saw a mischievous glint in his. Feeling uneasy, you closed your eyes and took a deep drag.

So unlucky.

"You're the last person I thought I'd see at the club. And alone too?"

"I was bored and needed to get out of my apartment. That's all."

"You look beautiful tonight."

Caught off guard by his compliment, you bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling, reminding yourself why you two aren't together anymore in the first place. His hand moved towards your face and you flinched a bit, but he gently brushed some strands of your hair behind your ear. You looked down feeling disconcerted, his slight touch sending a chill through you. You inhaled deeply, taking another drag and beginning to feel lightheaded from the alcohol you drank earlier even more.

"Thanks."

That was all you were able to mutter out. You felt awkward and didn't want to say anything at all. The feeling was intensified when Sukuna put his knee between your legs, rubbing it against your thigh. He loved teasing you in public places. He held his hand out over the table for you to grab. You apprehensively took it and he brought your hand close to his face and kissed the back of it. He then set your hand on the table, putting his over yours. You stared at him as blush formed across your cheeks, overwhelmed by his presence. He smirked at your docility.

"You haven't been answering my calls or texts. Did you block me?"

You quietly answered.

"I did."

He shook his head in dissatisfaction.

"That's mean, princess. You don't know how much I've missed you."

He moved his knee farther in between your legs so it was lightly brushing against your cunt. He hummed in amusement when he felt your warmth, the desire in his eyes tempting you. You focused on keeping your cool but you were slowly losing your inhibitions. You hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks and for a little while, you forgot what he looked like. But even in the dim light, you could see his features perfectly: his pink hair and undercut that you loved ruffling, his tattoos that you would trace over with your fingertips, his build under your small hands, and his aura that hypnotizes you. He cheated on you but that doesn't mean a hook-up was out of the question, right? You took a drag and puffed the smoke out, deciding to shift away from him and your rash ideas. You were brought back from your thoughts when a woman approached you two.

"Hi, baby!"

You tensed up hearing the woman speaking sweetly to Sukuna. She wore a white off-the-shoulder dress and looked elegant, contrasting the full-on black streetwear you had on. Feeling a tad jealous, you wondered if she was more his type than you were. They exchanged a kiss and you turned your head discreetly and cringed. You had a look of disappointment on your face that changed to a more friendly expression when she greeted you. Sukuna introduced you to each other but your cloudy thoughts didn’t let you catch her name. You tried your best to wear a polite smile though you really wanted to scream in anger or cry in dejection.

"You go ahead inside. I'll be there in a little bit."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and then she scurried away, waving goodbye to the both of you. Sukuna then slowly turned to face you and you squinted at him with disgust. Before he got the chance to speak, you stood up to leave.

"I have to go."

"Wait, Y/N. She's no one."

Your thoughts were in a flurry, wondering how he could even say that after they had just kissed in front of you. Feeling disrespected, you scoffed at his absurd statement.

"Looks like I'm interrupting something. You don't have to lie to me anymore. We're done, remember?"

"You're the love of my life, Y/N. I'm only hanging out with her because I'm lonely and I don't have you around."

Tired of his nonsense, you took one last, long drag, finishing the cigarette and blowing the smoke in his face. You dropped the stoge to the floor, extinguishing the flame by rubbing it into the ground with your foot. Your face was hot with fury and intensity lined your voice.

"You missed me so you started seeing someone else? Do you hear how ridiculous you sound? I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. I don't want anything to do with you. Okay? You cheated on me. You hurt me. You replaced me. We're finished."

You made a sound of disgust and turned your back to him, beginning to walk away. But he stood up after you and roughly caught your wrist, pulling you to his Herculean chest. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating and the warmth he radiated made you want to close the distance between you two but you reminded yourself he was already here with someone. Regardless of what he feels, his actions say something entirely different. You wanted to push him away but he spoke with a harsh tone that stopped you in your tracks.

"No, princess. Don't you know how much that hurts me?"

Sukuna looked down on you, scrutinizing you. He didn't want to get aggressive but he had lost his patience and he hated not getting his way. His dark stare brought a bit of fear to your eyes but you were enticed as well. The energy around him exuded sinful intentions and though your fight or flight response triggered, it exhilarated you more than anything. He leaned over to whisper in your ear, his voice deep and breathy.

"It's cute how defiant you're being but I think what you really want is to be taken for it in the back of my car right now."

His crass words were provoking you into submission. He leaned back and took hold of your chin between his thumb and index finger, tilting your head towards him and wearing a malevolent grin for you. His demeanor made you feel small and he knew it aroused you. He lightly pressed his lips against yours and hummed in contentment as you didn’t resist.

"I missed my little girl."

Stunned by the dominating air around him, you didn't kiss him back but you mindlessly followed him as he led you out of the patio area and to his car, his grip on your wrist still rough.

"Let's make up for lost time."

As you neared the vehicle, your thoughts began to flood. You knew this was a bad idea; your soul willed to reject him but your flesh was weak. You hadn't stopped missing Sukuna since you broke up and you wanted him so badly in this moment. You tried to justify it by telling yourself this was the last time for old time's sake and then you would really be finished with him. Your contemplation then transitioned to a vision of his date and you began to feel guilty, wondering how she would feel if she knew how low Sukuna could get. You almost brushed the thought off thinking Sukuna was yours in the first place but once he was about to open the door for you, Satoru's voice echoed in your head.

"Wait for me?"

Awakening from your stupor, you gasped and snatched your wrist back from Sukuna, Satoru's words finally making sense. You were dismayed at yourself as you almost traded your dignity for a little fling. You exhaled deeply and covered your face, tears collecting in your eyes. Ignoring the heartache in your chest, you steeled your resolve.

"I can't do this. If you really love me, you'd want what's best for me. And you're just not that. Not anymore."

His domineering presence disappeared and a bit of desperation was laced in his voice as he realized that you were no longer under his spell.

"Princess, please. I’ll do anything to atone."

"Save it for your next love."

You said it sharply but your chest ached as if you had just stabbed yourself with your own words. Tears ran down your face as you gave him a parting hug, cherishing for a few seconds the comfort you felt in his arms. You fit perfectly with him, his embrace on you snug yet tight and his chin resting on the top of your head. Not able to handle another second with him without sobbing, you teleported away. Sukuna stood there speechless, your warmth had left him and the rejection defeated him.

Once Satoru came back from his mission, he took you out to eat. He sat across from you at the maid cafe he suggested you both go to, though he insisted it wasn't because of the outfits, rather it was because of their delicious desserts. He ordered a crepe filled with strawberries and bananas, topped with chocolate sauce and powdered sugar, and strawberry and vanilla ice cream on the side. Your eyes grew in size at the sickly sugary and loaded confection and your sweet tooth ached for it.

"Why couldn't you have gotten me my own crepe?"

"I got the biggest size so we could share! You wouldn't have been able to finish one on your own anyway, sweets."

You shrugged and quieted your protests. Eating a spoonful of the sweet course, you closed your eyes and hummed in delight. Satoru smiled warmly watching you eat and then followed suit.

"How was the mission?"

“A cakewalk. I thought it’d be a little challenging because of the volume of incomplete domains but a first-grade sorcerer would’ve been sufficient. What’d you do while I was gone?”

You were in awe at his coolness and confidence he effortlessly exuded. But at his question, you let out a long exhale and rested your chin on your knuckles.

“I went to a club and saw Sukuna with a girl. She called him baby and they kissed right in front of me."

"Ouch."

He made a straight face and pursed his lips. You were apprehensive to tell him what happened next, but you weren’t one to lie or keep things from others. You sighed again, anxiously moving fruit around the plate with your fork.

"Worst of all, he tried to seduce me and it almost worked."

He leaned forward in interest, raising his eyebrow and looking at you intently. You nervously met his gaze, unsure of what he thought about the situation.

"Almost?"

"My mind was all over the place debating whether I should or not but I decided not to because I remembered you telling me to wait for you."

He chuckled haughtily and patted you on the head endearingly. You winced at his reaction, his unpredictability confusing you as usual.

"I said wait for me? I meant that I'd be back soon. I'm flattered you thought I didn't want you having sex with anyone else. Though that isn't my decision to make, is it?"

Your palm met your forehead, feeling a little foolish at your misinterpretation of his words. Though you couldn’t be sure that that was what he really meant. Regardless, you didn't want to seem desperate for him.

"Well, whatever. Hooking up with him would've been a mistake."

He nodded, taking a spoonful of crepe, fruit, and ice cream and holding it up to your mouth to feed you. You gladly accepted it, looking up at him and making eye contact as your lips slipped off of the spoon. He returned your lusty stare, telling you that he knew what was on your mind.

"Is this… a date?"

You innocently asked him, not wanting to get the wrong idea of his company.

"Yeah, it is."

You were surprised at the seriousness of his tone. Usually, he teased you by skirting around these kinds of questions.

"And I want to ask you out on another date tonight. Suguru is throwing a party! Everyone will be there. Let's go together."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, but you should go without me. I'm assuming 'everyone' includes Sukuna too."

A look of disapproval was shown on your face at his proposition and he pouted, voicing his objection.

"He might be there but what does it matter? Are you scared of him?"

You sighed in exasperation, knowing this was a bad idea. But you had already stood up to him twice now. Surely you could do it again if a confrontation happened. Though you would prefer not to put yourself in a situation like that at all, you didn’t want his mere presence to influence your actions. You pushed the plate of dessert towards Satoru to signal you were full and done eating. He happily ate the rest. You conceded to him.

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll pick you up at 9 then."

Later that night, Satoru arrived at your apartment an hour behind schedule. You were laying on your bed, hanging off the edge of it upside down when he walked in. He was wearing a fitted white dress shirt that you could easily see his muscular figure in and he had the first couple of buttons undone. Your eyes widened at his attractive appearance and you felt completely underdressed in your colorful shirt, baggy corduroy pants, and platform converse.

"Oh. It's that kind of party?"

His eyes lowered at your outfit and he frowned.

"I had a feeling you didn't have the right clothes for the occasion so I bought you something."

He handed you a black mini dress with spaghetti straps for you to wear. You took it and examined it, trying to decide if you liked it or not.

"You didn’t need to do that. It's not really something I'd buy for myself."

"At least try it on. Please? You can wear your platform boots with them."

You compromised and asked him to look away while you changed but he pretended not to hear you.

"Oh and Y/N? Don't wear a bra."

Your eyebrows scrunched and you pouted at him but you undressed down to your panties anyway. Satoru was obviously checking you out and you saw him lick his lips from the corner of your eye. He scanned you up and down, taking a bit more time viewing your breasts and ass that your panties couldn’t fully cover. You slipped on the dress and it fit a little too well, accentuating your curves and falling right at mid-thigh. After putting your platforms on, you looked at yourself in the mirror, content that you had at least one piece of clothing you were comfortable in.

Satoru came up behind you and hugged you, admiring your figure in the garment he had purchased just for you. His hands trailed the curve of your waist to your hips slowly while he pressed his lips against your ear, lightly licking your earlobe.

"You look delicious, sweets."

Taking one last look at yourself in the dress, and in his arms, you closed your eyes in satisfaction, your heart fluttering. He then grabbed your hand and led you out of the apartment to his car. After putting the key in the ignition, he drove fast, speeding recklessly towards Suguru’s residence. His driving unsettled you, but you were comforted when his hand moved to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. The drive was short and once you got there, you were on edge knowing Sukuna would see you tonight and would undoubtedly approach you. Your thoughts were interrupted when Satoru opened the car door for you and put his hand out for you to grab.

"You're welcome for the dress, by the way."

You turned your head and made a ‘hmph’ sound but then you batted your eyelashes at him and blushed, taking his hand and following his lead. Once you were inside and in view of your friends, you and Satoru unclasped hands, in silent agreement that you didn't want them to think anything was going on between you two yet.

"Fashionably late as usual. And Y/N! We haven't seen you in forever."

Suguru said as he lightly shoved Satoru. Suguru then embraced you tightly, picking you up and twirling you around. You yelped and Shoko came to your rescue, picking you out of his arms and giving you a tight hug as well. They both became straight-faced and asked how you were doing after the breakup. You chuckled nervously, putting your hand behind your head.

"I'm doing fine. Is Sukuna here already?"

"I haven't seen him yet. But wow! I've never seen you in a dress before. You look great."

Shoko nodded in agreement but then snickered after she surveyed you in the dress.

"Is it cold in here?"

Pointing to your nipples that were poking through your garment. Satoru and Suguru’s eyes fell to your chest and they both grinned. You instantly reddened and put your head down, calling them out.

"Stop looking!"

The three of them laughed endearingly while you crossed your arms over your chest to cover it. Shoko pulled you to the side while Suguru and Satoru began conversing with each other about their last missions.

"Seriously, Y/N. Are you okay? I heard Sukuna cheated on you and he's been seeing someone else already."

You sighed, a bit upset that your business was probably known by everyone by now.

"I saw them together at the club last week. It was terrible. Sukuna came with her but we almost hooked up in the back of his car while she was at the bar."

Shoko grimaced at the awkward situation. She put her arm around you to comfort you and you leaned into her.

"I just wanted to warn you that he'll probably show up with her tonight. And what about Satoru? You two are hanging out again?"

"Yeah, I'm slowly trying to reconnect with everyone I disappeared on when I started dating Sukuna."

She smiled knowing she'd be seeing you more often. Satoru and Suguru argued about who knows what but they resolved it quickly and rejoined your conversation.

"Well, you two should go grab a drink! Let's catch up later."

Suguru nudged you both in the direction of the alcohol. They had almost every kind but the only hard liquor you could keep down was tequila. Satoru knew that and had already poured you a shot.

"I'm only having a couple of drinks since I'm driving. I'll take care of you though."

"I can handle my alcohol, thank you very much."

You both said cheers and clinked shot cups. Downing the bitter drink, you made a face of disgust, wanting to cough it up. He then skillfully made two margaritas for both of you to sip on. You chugged it instead and Satoru furrowed his eyebrows at you, thinking he would definitely need to look out for you tonight despite your earlier protest.

"Do you wanna dance?"

You nodded and he led you into the dark room only dimly lit by red LED lights on the ceiling though you could see his intense eyes holding the heavens clearly. The faint light made the atmosphere erotic. He pulled you closer to him, his hand on the small of your back, and you awkwardly did a two-step dance. The unsynchronized movement didn’t fit with the music so he turned you around so your ass was on his crotch. He had to bend his knees a considerable amount because of your height difference. Regardless, he held you close and led your hips to grind on him. The slow swaying and the tequila setting in made you rid yourself of whatever awkwardness that was left.

"This dress looks a little too good on you."

He whispered in your ear as he began to get more frisky, one of his hands cupping your breast while the other crossed over your torso and rested on your hip. He held you close to him tightly, leaving no room between you two and wanting to get even closer. He buried his head in the crook of your neck, lightly kissing down it. You shivered a bit under his touch, sighing in gratification. Your hand found the nape of his neck and you held onto it, giving in to your lust as you felt his erection forming.

"Let's go somewhere else."

Grabbing your wrist, he eagerly led you out into the hallway where he pushed you against the wall, caging you between his arms. He kissed you feverishly, his lips smacking against yours and his tongue finding its way into your mouth where he brushed along your wet muscle. He lightly bit your bottom lip and you let out a soft moan, your body feeling loose and ready for more. Your hand trailed down his torso and over his groin, where you lightly grabbed his hard cock. He was a bit startled but then he smiled, kissing into you even more roughly, his hands cupping your face. You pulled away from his lips to lean over and whisper in his ear.

"Can we get out of here? I want you."

Your doe eyes and sweet voice feigning innocence made him drag you out of the house with a quickness.

As soon as you got outside, he gave you another impassioned kiss and grabbed your ass with both of his hands. You two were about to head over to Satoru's car when you heard a thunderous voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Satoru?"

Sukuna stomped his way over to you two and placed his hand on Satoru's shoulder. Satoru made a sound of disgust and brushed his hand off, turning to face him. He leaned over to look at the woman standing beside Sukuna and he scoffed.

"Aren't you going to introduce us to your new girlfriend, Sukuna?"

Satoru spoke his name with a hiss and had the smuggest smile on his face seeing Sukuna seething with anger.

"She's not my girlfriend and what the fuck are you doing with Y/N? You're always getting your hands on my sloppy seconds."

You and Sukuna's date both winced at different parts of his harsh comments. This was probably the worst-case scenario.

"Don't be so full of yourself. Not a fan of your type, besides Y/N of course. And how could you cheat on the sweet girl? Let me guess, is it because you couldn't have the fucked up sex you want with her?"

The girl’s eyes widened, realizing Sukuna had cheated on you with her. You cringed at Satoru’s unintentional insult towards her, seeing how hurt and confused she was already. Your eyebrow raised at Satoru's comment and you inserted yourself into the conversation.

"What are you talking about, Satoru?"

Sukuna crossed his arms and shook his head. Satoru chuckled arrogantly and looked at you with darkened eyes.

"Why don't you tell her why you cheated, Suku?"

He mockingly called Sukuna by the nickname you had given to him. Sukuna sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb in frustration. He didn’t want you to find out like this but he was caught and couldn’t lie anymore.

"I have some kinks I didn't think you'd be into. I got drunk and couldn't control myself when I met someone with similar quirks."

Sukuna spoke as if his date wasn't even there. She glanced at you with embarrassment and dipped her head down so none of us could see her face. You huffed in disbelief and you shot him a dirty look, glaring at him.

"That's why you cheated on me? You didn't trust me enough to tell me what you desired? You didn't even give me a chance to decide whether I did or not?"

"Y/N, what are you even doing with Satoru? Was looking like a pathetic puppy following him around for years not enough indication of how he feels about you? How hopeless everyone thought you were until you started dating me?"

He deflected your questions and you balled your fists in anger, feeling like you were close to your boiling point and about to explode.

"Pathetic, huh?"

"Yes, pathetic. Running back to Satoru as soon as we're over? You don't think it's odd he went after you as soon as he found out we broke up?"

You slapped Sukuna straight across his face, his head turning and your eyes glowing red at him with rage. Your cursed energy changed the air around you hostilely and the three of them shuddered feeling it. Sukuna placed his hand over his cheek where you had hit him and he scowled. His date trembled at your actions and she tugged on his sleeve to ask if he was okay, to which he shrugged her off insensitively.

"I don't give a damn what you think of what I'm doing, Sukuna. You cheated on me for an asinine reason and then you berate me for actions that have nothing to do with you. I never want to see you again."

You spoke jeeringly. Satoru tried to grab your hand to comfort you but you plucked it away from him. He began to plead with you. Sukuna smiled slightly seeing that he successfully pitted you against Satoru.

"Y/N, I told you I'd make everything right. And I will, slowly and steadily."

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in resentment. You were done with all of this and everyone, ready to leave it all behind.

"The both of you can go fuck yourselves."

Satoru looked at you with pained eyes while Sukuna couldn't even face you. You turned to Sukuna's date and sighed, putting your hand on her shoulder in an act of comfort. You were both completely humiliated and she was on the verge of tears. You had a similar feeling but anger was the more prominent emotion.

"I'm sorry about all of this. You really don't deserve it."

She was mortified and began to cry, unable to speak. You turned your back to the three of them and began walking away.

"Don't follow me. I mean it. You two disgust me. I don't know who or what you think I am but I'm not a fucking toy."

"Y/N, please…"

Satoru's voice trailed as the distance increased between you two. You released your balled fists and one of your palms was red and stinging from the vicious slap you gave Sukuna. You then put your hands over your face, groaning loudly.

"What the fuck was all that?"

The walk home was miserable. You trudged back to your apartment, walking uncomfortably as the cold bit at your skin harshly and the dress hiked up your thighs. You constantly pulled the piece of clothing down to an almost modest length for the entire thirty-minute walk. The scene between you four replayed in your mind relentlessly. You wished you could just forget the past six months.

As soon as you stepped into your apartment, you fell down to your knees in front of the mirror. You examined yourself, thinking that you didn't like who you were or anyone very much at this moment. You banged on the mirror with the side of your fist, shattering the glass and distorting your reflection. Your hand began bleeding, shards of glass still embedded in it. And then, you began to sob hard, trying to catch your breath. Your chest felt heavy and your heart ached beneath it. Your phone hadn't stopped ringing since you left, mostly from calls and texts from Satoru, a few from Suguru and Shoko, and a couple from an unknown number which you assumed was Sukuna. You doubted yourself and the people closest to you.

"Am I not deserving of the love I give to others? Am I really just a pitiful person?"

You laid face down on the floor in despair. Exhaling deeply, you were unbearably exhausted and the confidence in yourself had completely dissipated. The depression began to settle in and you fell asleep in absolute defeat.

Note: Watch out for fluff next chapter <3

master list

MIGRATING TO A NEW BLOG @baji-san

[keikakudori]

(kicks door down) yo lu why the fuck did aizen devote so much time and effort to essentially grooming momo into a toy he could stab later on and threaten to 'grind her bones into dust' like maybe relax??? have a snickers instead??? why did he have it out for her. why did he take extra care in making sure she 'couldn't live without' him? his words. plus, why break her simply to then talk about how she broke because she admired him? he really coulda just. not. what's the reason(tm) other than him being an asshole with emotional constipation?

okay so cas decided that the meta for that moment is today so -- here we go.

alright alright alright so fun fact the end of hypnosis arc is genuinely one of my favorites and there are so many ways in which i want to break it apart. like, the shattering of illusions and everything and nevermind aizen's kudakero ( shatter ) command for his shikiai which both activates and deactivates it like goddamn where do i even begin with that in and of itself. that's a thing i could write a thesis about i'm not even joking like talk about the allegories and symbolism and i know there's no way i could coherently put it together right now.

anyways -- about momo.

momo is, and always has been ( along with toshiro ), a display of just how fucked up the seireitei and rukongai are in my opinion and probably in aizen's as well. here we see these two young shinigami ( i will not call them children despite how toshiro is drawn looking like his balls haven't dropped yet until the blood war and going by what he says in that, he chooses to look the way he does on purpose which is just a fun way of kubo making one last grab at the shota cashow imho ) who come from the first district of the rukongai. and the rukongai is, as we know, stacked in varying levels from district one to district eighty and we also know that the higher the number of a district, the more lawless it becomes.

we know through canon that an eightieth district is the worst of the worst; we know that rape and murder are common in an eightieth. rukia and renji come from the seventy-eighth district and they comment on how stealing is a common way of life there, nevermind murder and other things. we know that gin and rangiku came from a sixty-forth. we know that kaname comes from the rukongai. we know that izuru comes from the rukongai. we know that ikkaku and yumichika come from the rukongai. hell, even ukitake came from the rukongai. and unless you live in a first or second district? you're going to be living in a shithole. and the first district is the nicest of the lot. you have access to food, to housing, to people to help you and look after you.

so basically, the first district is the suburbs with the higher numbered districts becoming the rural areas and you have to wonder how many potential shinigami never make it to the seireitei because they starve or they're killed or any other number of things. like, if you have the power and all, you can become shinigami but all the same -- anyways, yeah, that aside -- let's break this down, shall we?

we know, per the anime, that momo's first glimpse of aizen was when he came to the academy ( though for what reason, we don't know ) and that was when gin was still his lieutenant. we also know, thanks to toshiro's words, that she was apparently interested him immediately from that point onwards and worked so hard to become part of the fifth division and to, furthermore, become his lieutenant when gin went on to become head of the third which was, as i've discussed with cas, no more than fifty or sixty years prior to the start of the series proper and gin became a captain either before byakuya ( like, RIGHT before ) or at the same time. which left a vacancy in place for aizen in terms of having a subordinate and that meant he had to take time to consider who would become his new fukutaichou but i have zero doubts that he didn't already have momo in mind when he saw gin become a captain.

i think aizen appointed momo five years after gin become captain, no more than ten, because he knew she was going to be useful. he could see it in her, her wish to be near him, but there's more to it than that. momo idolized aizen and, by all accounts, put him onto a pedestal. she had this vision of him which, admittedly, he played into. but the fact remains that she had this vision of aizen pre-conceived even before they ever properly met one another ( as we hear in that episode where she sees him at the academy when she's speaking of him to toshiro ) and that's ... something all its own that i really think should be looked at more often.

hell, we see that people are delighted to go to the fifth over a hundred years ago when nanao was looking at the squad placement boards and we see that someone is happy to enter the fifth because aizen's there and they call him, and i fucking quote, DREAMY. so this has been going on for a while, that people have this notion of aizen. which i think could've become galling for him over time.

now, i've said it before and i'll say it again -- aizen seduced momo. this was nothing but a deliberate, calculated act to make her buy more into the idea of his persona as a kind, gentle man. he deliberately used that perception of himself to his advantage where momo was concerned because, when it came down to it, it helped sell those plans for the defection from the seireitei beautifully. momo became the perfect patsy for aizen's endeavors and that's because, when it comes down to it, aizen has a strange sort of contempt for both momo and toshiro alike.

but, alternatively, we don't know about this contempt until the day of his betrayal. up until that point, things have been manipulated and worked over by aizen in many ways and we do see it before the revelation that aizen is still alive, such as when momo turned her weapon against toshiro. because aizen wrote a letter to momo, perhaps the very thing he was working on when she showed up to his rooms. because rangiku delivered that letter to her. because momo read it and believed that her friend could be capable of doing such a thing.

here, let's bring up those panels.

now, this is one of those moments which stands out to me; aizen saying his last wish as a man and not as the captain of the fifth division. that he was pleading for momo's help. which, as we all know about aizen, is probably one of the biggest lies that he's ever said. aizen's completely capable of handling himself and doing what he needs to and we know that he was getting help here in these moments from gin and kaname. but the point is is that he was asking momo for this help which he didn't specify on beyond something that reads as "avenge me for being killed" going from this chapter and the dialogue involved. whatever the case, it was something he absolutely used against momo in feeding into her beliefs about him and it's probably one of the clearest moments that we see aizen's control and influence over momo. she's aiming her own weapon against her friend.

she's even crying here while she says this, speaking of aizen, and you can see just how deeply she's grieving his "death" in these moments alone. and in the next moment, she and toshiro are fighting with one another -- or more it's that momo is attacking toshiro who had his own interesting comment to make as well.

yeah. the aizen you know, toshiro -- yeah. sure. okay there.

( only you didn't know him either-- )

 anyways, the point here is is that we see just how deeply subversive aizen was with momo, to the point where she absolutely believed the contents of that letter proclaiming that it was toshiro who had killed him. of course, mind you, she also believed it was gin who'd done so the day they discovered the "body" which, to be fair, i can't blame her for. ( i love you gin but you could be so fucking creepy at times that's just fact. ) that was, however, just a response to seeing gin there atop of hitsugaya's previous statement of warning momo to be careful around him - which, in this case, the blame for that one goes to toshiro because he planted the idea in her mind without meaning to, i know.  anyways, to get this back on track, aizen did this to momo. he deliberately put this line of training into her. was it an echo of what he himself had been through with shinji? possibly yes. shinji didn't treat aizen in the best of ways and it's commonly known and understood that the cycle of abuse can be perpetuated. we're not getting into that relationship right now but i do think it was very probably a factor. also, do keep in mind that aizen NEVER considered momo to be his fukutaichou. he never ONCE considered her in that light. we know this to be true because, well --

( chances are that aizen still thinks this way, even after Deicide. also, gin looks pretty smug here. )

anyways, the point here is is that aizen held this odd contempt for momo. she idolized him. she worshiped him. she would do anything for him as we know and aizen, in his own words yes, said that he trained her to be unable to live without him. which is honestly something kind of horrifying. it's truly terrible what he did to her and i, for one, would absolutely love to break his balls for it. like there was no reason he needed to do all of what he did to momo. none. if anything, he should've respected her for being like him -- from the rukongai. but he didn't. aizen chose instead to use momo for his own purposes, seducing her and twisting her devotion up because it was perfect and just what he needed out of someone who was underneath his command.

but he did it anyways because he saw how much she idolized him and worshiped him and chose, instead, to merely twist that up and cultivate it until she would be what he wanted her to be; a pawn. a wind-up toy that he'd let loose until she'd run out of steam or was stopped by an external force. and as we see during the invasion of soul society segment, momo was very determined to make someone pay for killing her beloved captain to the point of escaping twice from confinement in order to try and get answers for what had happened.

and aizen's contempt for momo comes from, essentially, her never knowing what it's like to have to fight and survive. the overlying motif for aizen that we see consistently for him, again and again, is loneliness and solitude. we know he had two intimates in gin and kaname and we know that gin was the one person who was closest to aizen; so close, in fact, that gin is the one who killed him. we know this for fact because gin worked for it. gin was trusted in ways no one else ever was by aizen and it's something that speaks to me.

we know that aizen kept hunting for someone to see things the way he did, to have a companion or an equal and while i do believe that his wish or belief or whathaveyou became subconscious and buried in his heart because while he had gin at his side and in his life for over a hundred years ( and we're not going to touch on the intimacy between gin and aizen in this meta ), it was still there as we hear it from ichigo. his contempt for momo comes from the fact that for all of her worship of him, in a very real sense, she was trying to replace gin and that was probably part of it too.

aizen had chosen gin long ago and any replacement was not welcome.

but all the same, aizen didn't have to go as far as he did. he didn't need to speak of how she'd broken because he'd broken her. it was absolutely not necessary for him to do what he did but he did it anyways. because she didn't understand him and she never would. because she never knew what it was like to struggle or to starve, because she had a friend, because of how she never knew the real him. i think that it was the last reason which is probably part of the motivation here. a feeling of if you actually cared about me, then you would have gotten to know me. at the very core of things. it's just a lot of stuff and like so many things about aizen, there's a list of conflicting reasons and the duality and range for things.

on one level, aizen is contemptuous about momo because she never knew him. he's contemptuous because she saw only one facet of him and never understood him or knew him. he holds her in contempt because she was bright-eyed and naive and yet, he tried to treat her well when she did serve as his fukutaichou. yes, he disdained her but at the same time, he saw how hard she worked and much of his praise of her was absolutely genuine. but at the same time ...

yeah. there's just so much to unpack here and aizen saw the way momo revered him and used it. he says to renji that he kept the useful students ( izuru and momo ) for himself and gin and sent renji away to another division. aizen saw how useful they would be when that happened, during the hollow raid which hit their class and made his choices accordingly.

though sometimes i do wonder what the fuck would've happened if momo had been gin's lieutenant instead and aizen had izuru under his command. like. i LITERALLY wonder sometimes how that would've gone down if aizen had had izuru to deal with instead and momo had been the one who'd gone to the third. that'd be really interesting to consider one day. either way, however -- yeah. he didn't need to go this far. he never needed to do that. as for his comment of grinding momo into dust or chopping her up into unrecognizable pieces to toshiro? that one i honestly attribute to psychological warfare as a result. like, a generous part of any battle really does come down to psychological attacks and beliefs and if you rattle your enemy, if you make him doubt, then it does affect the person in question.

we see this repeatedly with ichigo throughout the series where, when he's doubting himself, he grows weaker for it; hell, a generous part of his gaining mugetsu hinges entirely on his dealing with his having gone vasto lorde against ulquiorra, after all, and having to accept that that happened.

so i honestly think that aizen said that about momo to fuck with toshiro and i'm sure that's the angle he was playing here as well. it was his way of saying if you hadn't been fast enough, who knows what you might have found here? who knows what you could've seen if i had chosen to do this? to toshiro. which i think really does fit him very well. he wants toshiro to understand just how close things came to seeing momo's life being ended here. and that's not even getting into his comments to renji about what he was doing.

honestly, what it boils down to where momo is concerned is that aizen has a very strong sensation of this indifference and contempt for her and how she treated him. like, yes - he does think she was an excellent lieutenant. but she was not HIS lieutenant in the least. so, as a result of that feeling and that belief? it made it very easy for aizen to use her. he ripped off the rose-colored glasses that momo had on where he was concerned. in a very real way, aizen was shattering momo's illusions about him and revealing the cold truth that laid behind the beliefs that she held onto.

the really scary thing though?

this is also part of aizen. this moment here where he apologizes for making her suffer, for stating that he can feel she's lost the weight? aizen is not just one thing or the other. he has that capacity for gentleness to him. he is perfectly capable of showing kindness and caring. he kept this persona up for over a hundred years, since we saw him acting this way during the turn back the pendulum arc and there is no way anyone can keep up such an act for so long without it becoming part of them - or, honestly, that that persona is part of them. and aizen showing that he has this range, of being able to be soft and gentle with others but in equal fashion being able to be absolutely cold and brutal with justification of sorts? it's all part of him. so these moments with momo are ALL parts of aizen.

but at the same time, at this moment, he was done with momo. this was nothing more than just him being terrible. he absolutely didn't need to do this at all. but at the same time, keep in mind that aizen STABS momo here and we see her, later, saying that she believes that it's possible that gin was forcing him to do this. aizen STABS THIS POOR YOUNG WOMAN AND SHE STILL BELIEVES HE HAS A REASON FOR IT.

it's honestly so telling that, despite being stabbed by aizen and possibly hearing that he declared to toshiro that the only person whom has ever been his fukutaichou is gin, she still believed in him and thought that he was being forced into this. it's just so much and i really want to hug her a lot. i feel so sorry for momo in many, many ways. and aizen saw this bright young woman with so much potential and used her in the way that he did because he simply could use her in that way.

i don't think momo will ever fully recover from what aizen did to her; i genuinely believe she's always going to carry this with her forever. but i also am so damn proud of her for coming back from it too. seriously -- good for her. i love momo a lot.

[yellowocaballero]

hi i know it's been the hottest of seconds but director's cut for the prophetic spring if you're still doing these? 👀

Sure! I’ve spoken a lot about the prophetic spring, but I’m fairly certain I could give some meta information about my intense life-long obsession with Tim Drake. Dude has been showing up in my fics since I was 14.

But actually, the ficlet I wrote ages ago might be more interesting? So here it is. Exploring a dynamic that was WAY underserved for how important it is: the Steph, Cass, Tim dynamic!

No CW that haven’t appeared in the prophetic spring, but specific mention for drug addiction and drug depiction, as well as references to molestation, abortion, torture, and suicide. Story under the cut. 

Tim stared down into the toilet bowl. It was a little yellowed. He needed to clean it. 

He stared at the small baggie of pills in his hand. 

He visualized dropping it into the bowl, flushing it. Possibly mutating an alligator, or giving the race of mole people that lived in the Gotham sewers a nice surprise. 

Tim sighed, and pocketed the drugs. Maybe tomorrow. 

**

A month after the incident with a runaway foster kid and a, in retrospect, kind of embarrassing fake fight with his older brother, Tim got a text from an unknown number. To make matters worse, it was at an insane hour of the day - noon. 

Texts from strangers were hardly uncommon. Tim had an extensive contact network, growing larger by the day, but he had set up a Google Voice on his computer so they were all routed through a program there. Being bothered at all hours of the day on his phone was hardly his idea of a good time. The only people who really had his real number were his bullshit ‘friends’ and his asshole ‘family’. He hadn’t even given his number to his ‘friends’ - he had given it to Kon under strict confidentiality, and then Kon had given it to all of Young Justice. Asshole. 

405-555-1998: dropping by in three hours so make sure ur presentable :)

As Tim had just woken up, most of his brain was occupied by a single whuh? 

Just as his mind swirled in sleepy confusion, his phone buzzed again.

405-555-1998: B1706XQE45

The code checked out. It was an ally, not an unknown or an enemy. 

Tim groaned, covering his eyes with an elbow. He needed coffee.

****

The coffee was a new thing - rather, it was something he had drunk plenty of growing up, because there had been nobody around to inform him that coffee was bad for developing brains. Growing up completely unsupervised was probably why Tim was a drug addict now. He could totally blame this on his parents never loving him. 

Not a drug addict, Tim thought to himself anxiously as the coffee sputtered into the extra large gallon pot. Just someone who...uses drugs...in an unhealthy way. Substance abu - substance user, who just used it maybe as a bad coping mechanism. Not that Tim had good coping mechanisms, but it was better than sawing off heads or becoming a drug lord. When you thought about it, it was either being a serial killer or doing drugs, so logically it means that he should do more drugs to decrease the amount of fun little murders he does -

Tim made toast.

The coffee was a new thing, because he was trying to use it to replace the drugs. He had cut back. The stupid little sorority that called themselves the Birds of Prey had been talking to him about it. He had agreed to try. It was best to set expectations low, so he couldn’t disappoint. Actually, Tim loved disappointing, maybe he should set them higher. Maybe he could make inspirational speeches about how he was a good guy now? Ha ha. 

The three hours had been a deft move. The texter knew noon was his average wake-up time at best, and the three hours gave him enough time to sober up if he had been high or drunk at the time. Tim didn’t like to start popping the minute he woke up, but - well, sometimes he did. Or sometimes he was awake at noon because he had been on an all-nighter drug binge. They hadn’t given their name, either, which meant that it was somebody who he wouldn’t want to see. 

He could bounce, escape to some corner of Gotham until they gave up. Except he had the sense that whoever had gone through the effort to get his number wasn’t the type to give up. Almost nobody Tim knew was the type to give up. His ‘friends’ and his ‘family’ never gave up. On anybody but him. 

A voice in his head, not quite yet suffocated, sounding altogether too much like the Replacement, echoed in endless attempts to get him to come back. Oh, whatever. Kid was a try-hard. He needed better taste in made up families. 

Over the next three hours, he debated his tactics. If he wasn’t escaping and the texter was playing the buddy card, then the situation probably wasn’t dangerous. He strapped in his armor under the baggy pyjamas that he never took off anyway, and spitefully made no effort to control his hair. He did put on make-up, an old hand from keeping CPS off Bruce’s trail - man, he should have pretended Bruce was molesting him, that would have been funny as fuck - to hide the bags under his eyes. No use looking pathetic. 

He hid a few more weapons around his apartment. He anxiously checked his phone, staring not at the new texts but at Harley’s offer sent a week ago. He still hadn’t replied. He didn’t know what to do with it. 

As if he could ever feel safe sleeping under the same roof as her?

As if he ever felt safe anywhere?

Maybe he had nothing to lose. That was the greatest part about this, the most wonderful aspect of what he had done to everybody in his life. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. That’s freedom, or so Janis had always told him. She knew what she was about. Overdosing on heroin at 27 - that was understanding what it meant, to have nothing. To be free.  He was almost jealous. 

At two on the dot, a polite knock echoed through the apartment. Tim looked up from where he was relaxing on the couch, with all of the possible entry points in his line of sight. That wasn’t a knock he had memorized, and he had memorized everyone’s knocks. 

Nothing for it. He’d have to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Maybe he can pull the insane sociopath schtick again; that had always been effective in ditching his parents. Tim sighed, walked over to the door, swiped his thumb against the keypad, undid the three deadbolts, and opened door only to see - 

Stephanie Brown, hands propped on her hips and smiling widely. Cassandra Wayne, standing right behind her, serene as ever. 

Tim closed the door - or he tried. Steph had expected the move, and the minute he had opened the door her foot had jutted out and blocked him from closing the door. Effortlessly, she wrenched it back open and stepped into his apartment, forcing him to press against the wall and scowl as insane women infiltrated his space. 

“Wow,” Steph said loudly, “this place looks like a wreck!”

Tim groaned. 

***

The thing with Steph and Cass was this:

How to describe it?

The sister he had never expected, the best friend he had never thought he would have. Cass was his twin, Robin’s shadow, the other side of his mountain. Bruce had adopted Cass barely five months after he became Robin, and Tim had unabashedly resented her for stealing Bruce’s attention so quickly. He had always liked her more, but Bruce had liked everyone more than Tim, so maybe it was no surprise. She was sweet, kind, gentle, and no trouble. Tim wasn’t any trouble either, but he couldn’t be the rest of it if it bit him in his ass. 

Robin was the brain. Cass was the muscle. They were a team so closely linked, conjoined at the hip, that Tim couldn’t remember a patrol ever done without her. Bruce had let them start patrolling alone at fourteen (“You didn’t let me work alone until I was fifteen, and I was an assassin,” Damian had spat), and they had been an unbeatable team. Robin’s hand-to-hand was weak, but nobody ever got through Batgirl. Batgirl struggled with technical knowledge, reading and writing and investigating and chasing down leads, the only area where Tim had ever excelled. Together, they had almost been as good as Batman. Sometimes, Tim had let himself think that they might be better.

They had been so similar. Everyone had always said so. They’re both so quiet, the Justice League had said. Emotionless little freaks, the Rogues had said. Neither of them blink, their schoolmates had said. But there had been nothing to say, not between them: they could have a conversation without words, without even Sign. Cass had known every twitch of Tim’s body, had understood him down to his core. Nobody else ever had. Everybody had always called Tim inscrutable and impossible to understand - but to Cass, Tim had been an open book. She knew every inch of him. And she had loved him anyway. 

And Steph! When Steph had found them when they were fourteen veering on fifteen, and from then on it was as if she had always been there. She was so big, so smiling, so much, and she had never apologized for any of it. Nothing scared her. To Tim, that was the perfect vigilante - somebody who was scared of nothing, who never hesitated, who was good. 

Not even Bruce could intimidate her. When Tim was fourteen, he had thought that was the most amazing thing in the world. Bruce intimidated everyone, but Steph had just stuck out her tongue and kept badly backflipping off roofs anyway. Through twin convincing, Tim and Cass had convinced Bruce to give her a chance, and Spoiler had slot into their dynamic perfectly. She was their best friend, always. 

She wasn’t good at hand-to-hand at first, but Tim had improved by then, and they could cover her. She improved faster than he had, and judging from the reconnaissance footage Tim had frantically consumed after he came back to life, she was amazing now. She was wickedly smart, practical and down to Earth. If Tim was better at hacking into a computer, Steph was the one who found the post-it note with the password stuck under the desk. 

But more than any of that, she had brought the social skills. She had brought the calming presence, the sweet hand to victims and civilians, and her good humor was infectious. Steph was good with people. She was a born leader. Resilient. Brave. Everybody liked her. Everybody loved her. Tim had. She had loved him too. She could have done so much better than Tim and Cass, weird little societal rejects, but she had chosen them as her family. 

It had been the three of them. For as long as Tim’s life had meaning, for as long as he had been loved, they had loved him. Tim had grown up alone, in a world of one, and they had infiltrated it. They had expanded it, and they dragged his life into more than just Tim. Into Tim-and-Cass-and-Steph. Into Robin-Batgirl-Spoiler. Into meaning, and love. 

Tim hated them. And he wanted them to suffer. 

“That’s the Stephanie Brown I remember,” Tim sneered, closing the door behind him. Steph had quickly thrown herself onto Tim’s couch, clearly somewhat surprised at how comfortable it was, and Cass had  perched daintily on the arm. Cass had always refused to sit like a normal person - she would rather sit on the backs of sofas, or on the arm, or perched on chairs like a bird - “If I had known you were coming I would have jumped cities.”

“We would have chased you down and you know that,” Steph said cheerfully, like she said fucking everything. “Besides, if you had known we were coming you would have gone into witness protection. You’ve been avoiding the fuck outta us.”

“Wonder why,” Tim said, injecting as much mean-spirited sarcasm into his voice as possible. “I need more coffee, don’t go through my shit.”

The apartment was small, and the kitchen had a cut-away wall where he could see through into the living room. Stephanie hated nothing more than being ignored or looked down upon, and if he dismissed her and didn’t react then she’d grow infuriated with him and leave. He couldn’t fight with her, because if it came down to a battle of rhetoric or emotions she’d win single-handedly. She was so good with words. Cass...had no weaknesses. 

Which was inconvenient, because it was Cass he absolutely had to get rid of as soon as possible. She was very emotional, and more than a little sensitive. Especially to rejection. If he was cruel enough to her, she’d start crying and leave. There was only one problem with that. 

As he jammed more grounds into the machine he watched the girls out of the corner of his eye. They weren’t talking or whispering to each other, both fully aware of how well Tim could read lips. They weren’t even having one of those body language conversations they could only have with each other, aware that Tim could crack that too. Instead Stephanie was casually sprawled on his couch, looking for all the world like a middle aged dad watching the football game, looking around the room. Cass, as usual, was zoning out. Or, of course, looked like she was zoning out - Tim could tell that she was waiting for something to happen, and was preparing herself for it. 

Shit. Tim fought the urge to gnaw on his fingernail. Cass was going to be a problem. 

He risked another glance backwards. She could see him, so she knew. Fuck. He had never been on the other side of her mind reading. It was fucking inconvenient. Psychics should be shot on sight. 

The coffee sloshed into the biggest cup he could find in his kitchen, and Tim began draining it immediately as he leaned over the cutaway. He kept the cup held up to his face, obscuring it. Face covered, everything under the elbows covered - best he could do without preparation. 

“This little field trip sanctified by Sgt. Brother?” Tim asked, sipping the scalding hot coffee. Not hot enough. He needed - he needed - they’d see -

“We’re nineteen, we don’t need his permission for everything we do,” Steph said, amused. So she was going to speak for Cass - hardly unusual, as whenever they were all together Steph tended to be the only one who spoke - but seeing as Tim was Tim then it was definitely a strategy. 

“He lets his precious baby sisters knock on the door of drug lords for fun?” Tim sneered. 

“If they’re incompetent and retired, sure!”

Tim gritted his teeth. Don’t rise to her bait. Don’t. She was the best person in the family at getting a rise out of their enemies. He didn’t stand a chance. 

“What do you want?”

“We thought we’d take you roller skating at the rink,” Steph chirped. 

Tim stared at her. 

“Or the pool,” Steph said, faux-thoughtfully. “Or just the mall?”

Fuck this. Tim headed for the door, ready to walk out of the building barefoot in his pyjamas. He tugged at the doorknob, only to find that it wouldn’t open. 

Tim breathed in through his nose, then out through his mouth. There were other exits. He was not trapped. Had his apartment always been so small? He could have sworn that it was bigger. 

He turned around slowly. Stephanie was grinning at him, twirling what looked like a small plastic cylinder. Tim recognized it instantly - fancy League tech. Overrides all electronic locks and controls them. They all used it to trap perps and heighten their fear tactics. Tim jammed his thumb on the keypad. Nothing happened. 

Cass glanced at Steph, and made a small motion. Tim couldn’t interpret it. Why couldn’t he interpret it? Did they have a new code? It was Cass. When nobody else had understood her, Tim always had. Now they had their own language, one that Tim couldn’t interpret anymore. Tim was lost in translation, always drifting. 

“We aren’t bringing you in,” Steph said, just as light as ever. No trace of pity or caution or gentleness in her voice: just relentless cheer. “Literally all we want to do is talk. Play a board game, maybe?”

 Tim’s eyes flickered to the hidden panel in the wall next to him where he had stashed a gun and a sword. 

“Bro,” Steph said, “you really don’t want to escalate this.”

“Do you think you can take me?” Tim asked curiously, letting his hand drift to his arm. He shook his long pyjama sleeve down to cover his wrist. “That’s pretty cute. Last time I checked, you’re the shittiest at hand-to-hand in your team.”

But Steph just rolled her eyes. Shit, wasn’t he supposed to be ignoring her? He couldn’t, not so long as she kept pushing and pushing. Not so long as she was in his house. “Leave off. Just because Jay and I are the last people in the fam who weren’t trained in Mystical Ninja Arts doesn’t mean I’m incompetent. Hands in the air, by the way.”

Stephanie was overly sentimental. New tactic. He raised his hands slightly in the air, caught reaching for the weapon hidden in his armor. “Incompetent enough to let me die.”

There. Finally. Thank god, Tim thought he was losing his touch. The muscles clenched in Stephanie’s jaw, and just a twitch of her eye - banishing a bad memory. “Everybody’s been saying you’ve turned rude. I guess you’ve just been avoiding us because you don’t want to hurt our feelings, right?”

“I didn’t remember a lot when I was first resurrected,” Tim said casually, despite the fact that he had never told anybody about the first awful six months. Something about Steph and Cass just pried it out of him, like invasive surgery. Or an autopsy. “I remember everything about those six months, though. Homeless. Practically retarded. Brain damage does that to you, you know. I lived on the streets, did you know that? It was a miracle I lived through it.” He gasped, as if he was remembering something. “I slept on 34th street! You lived near there, didn’t you? Maybe you even walked by me.”

Steph went white. Cass’ expression froze. He was pushing hard, but these two wouldn’t react to anything less. Steph could trade barbs better than he could, even now. 

“It’s a good thing Talia found me,” Tim continued. “She was the only one who cared.”

That did it. Steph tensed, leaning forward, and even Cass stiffened. “Is that what she told you? How can you believe her?”

Tim just shrugged, walking back to the kitchen and hiding his body language again. He took an extra loud slurp of the coffee, just to be annoying. “Talia never lied to me. She said that nobody cared enough to save me. And guess what!”

Steph’s jaw clenched again. She was a hot head. A fierce temper, an impulsive girl who jumped in feet first and sanity second. Woman, now. When had that happened? “Cut that shit out. We all know what you’re doing. You’ve been doing it to everyone. Did you think Connor didn’t warn us?”

Snitch. Tim slurped his coffee again. “Connor’s been telling everyone to give me space.”

“Yeah, everyone but us.” She stood up now, ignoring the flicker of a frown on Cass’ face, and folded her arms. A challenge against the world. Against Tim. It didn’t matter. “You don’t believe half the shit you’re spewing. You’ve never believed your own bullshit, Tim. You’re just saying it to drive everybody away. It’s not going to work on us.”

“Why?” Tim asked innocently. “You’re too thick?”

“Because we love you!” Steph cried. Tim rolled his eyes. As if he hadn’t heard that one before. “Saving Richie proved it, you aren’t as insane as you keep pretending you are. You know what you’re doing is wrong, you just don’t care.”

“Wow, you caught me.” Tim took another long swig of his coffee. It was making his hands jittery. Good. “Local genius aware of his actions. Call the press. Call Uncle Clark, he needs a scoop.” He arched an eyebrow at Steph. She hated that expression of his - she had always found it so aristocratic and pretentious. Joke’s on her, he was pretentious. “Do you mind if I go do a line? I’m not high enough for this conversation.”

If she had told him who she was, he would have done a line anyway just to spite her, and she knew it. “You don’t want to try,” Steph said stubbornly, “but you’re trying. You don’t want to care, but you care. You don’t want to feel it, but it hurts so much you can’t bear it. You can’t get anything past us, Tim. It’s always just been us. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Doesn’t that mean -

“What that means,” Tim said, and he found the words scraping his throat. He found himself talking a little louder than he meant to. The coffee, you know. Made you jittery. “is that you should have saved me. If you loved me so fucking much, you would have been anything other than useless. You’ve always been the most useless girl in the world, Steph. You couldn’t save your crook of a dad or your junkie of a mom. You couldn’t save your baby and you couldn’t save me. You’re ghetto trash putting on airs, and everyone can smell it on you.”

As soon as he said it, he tensed. He shifted his stance, ready to throw the coffee and spill the scalding liquid on her. Obscure her vision. It would take a second for her to vault the cover, so he could duck down. From there he could get the gun, shoot the window, jump out the window. She couldn’t win. Tim had the most powerful weapon in the world in his disposal and that was his infinite, burning hate. His hate for Steph and Cass burned him to the ground, and his world with it, and he was going to burn them to cinders because he couldn’t do anything else. 

But Steph didn’t move. Cass got off the sofa. She walked up to Steph, and gently pressed a hand on her shoulder. She squeezed. Steph exhaled, long and shaking, and nodded at Cass. She walked into Tim’s bedroom - hey! - and shut the door. 

Then Cass stared at Tim, and there was no more need for words. Not between them. 

Tim vaulted the cut away wall, aiming for her feet first. Cass didn’t dodge - that would imply that she moved like an object moved. She moved like water moved - swift and supple, with such infinite grace and precision that it was like she wasn’t human at all. 

But he had gotten better. He didn’t spend two and half years trained by the League of Assassins in crochet. Tim lashed out with a foot, she dodged again. He threw a punch, she moved. He feinted, clearly leaving her an opening, and she didn’t take it. 

Bitch. 

Cass shoved away his coffee table, sending it skidding across the floor and opening the floor space. The rug became their arena, tight and intimate, no room for maneuverability. Tim acted and she reacted, Tim lashed out a sweep kick and she jumped over it, Tim tried to grapple and she broke his hold. She never threw him to the ground, never pinned him. She just moved. 

She was good, but not good enough to toy with him and win completely. The way to win against Cass was to leverage your height - Tim was taller than he once was, although that wasn’t saying much - weight, and strength against her. A couple good hits and she was down. 

The issue, of course, was hitting her. 

He got a hit in. It was much easier when she wasn’t even fighting back. She rolled with it effortlessly, taking the impact to gain a little space between them. She breathed deeply, sweat rolling down her neck. Tim used to take a cold compress and press it to that neck. She used to smile at him. Thank you. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Cass said. 

“Too bad,” Tim said. 

Fights weren’t like in television, long and choreographed extended scenes to entertain and thrill. When Ro - Tim was in a fight, a real fight, it was typically finished in less than a minute. The only way that a match can get long is if the other person was deliberately tiring you out - a risky strategy - or if you were of completely equal strengths with similar fighting styles. Or if it was a spar. 

As Tim tried to hit her again and again, he realized that it was a spar. 

No, not even that. It was a conversation. 

Tim grabbed her wrist, and said: I want you to hurt. Cass broke the hold, telling him that he can’t. Tim leveraged the motion and kneed her in the back, telling her that the only goal of this fight was pain. Cass let the impact take her down to the mat, an incredibly disadvantageous position, but rolled out of the way just as Tim tried to exploit the opportunity. I’m not scared of you. Tim hit again, and again, and again, failing every time. I want you gone, Tim said, and this is the only way I know how to do it. 

This is what Tim said: as much as I once loved you, I now hate you. The infinite depths of my love, my twin sister, how we moved in perfect sync. I hate it all. As much as I cared, I now hate. Feel this hate. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Cass said. 

They moved in perfect sync, even now. Cass couldn’t predict his movements before he made them, like she used to - his training was different now, developed and refined. But Cass knew the League of Assassins too, had been trained by them just as he had, and they were written into her bones when they were only carved into Tim’s. After his third patented Talia move, she adjusted to fit his style, and their fight metamorphosed into more of a dance. Like they used to. 

“Why not!” Tim screamed, the stupidest possible thing to do in a fight, but Cass didn’t take advantage of his exhale. He lashed out a fist to cover the opening, but it was lazy and over-extended, and she dodged easily. “I’m going to kill you!”

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

Tim desperately tried to call the green to his vision. It was so easy. All he had to do was tap into that rage. Talia had called it blood lust. Said it was normal, even good. But it wouldn’t come. Where was it? It was his only friend. 

Desperately, Tim went in for another punch to the face - Cass’ jaw was the weakest part of her body, an old injury - but he over-extended again, and this time Cass took the opportunity. She grabbed his arm and pulled him forward, dropping him to the mat. She didn’t try to twist him around, instead landing him on his back. Bad move for her. 

She kneed him in the chest, putting her full hundred and thirty pounds on him. She twisted his hands behind his back, pinning him, and Tim could do barely more than wheeze. 

He looked at her in the eyes for the first time. They were infuriatingly calm. Her hair was tangled and clumped with sweat, but she wasn’t breathing hard. Her expression was placid and serene, as if she was watching one of her stupid fucking nature documentaries instead of pinning her brother to a hard and scratchy rug in a shithole apartment, three years after he was tortured to insanity and shot himself in the head. 

So much time had passed. So much had happened, nasty and festering and putrid, and Tim had let it happen. He had made it happen. There was a rot in Tim, and it had eaten him up until there was nothing inside. If you cut him open, would it spill out? Would it infect her, infect Steph? Could he make them suffer?

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Cass repeated. “So don’t be scared.”

“Scared?! I’m not fucking -” Tim wheezed, cut off by the lack of air as Cass pressed down. 

“I’m sorry you’re scared. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. But I did. I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to kill -”

Cass pressed down on his chest again, cutting him off. She had finally done the one thing nobody in Tim’s life had ever figured out: how to make him shut up. “You can be as mean to me as you want. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll stay.”

Tim wheezed. In that, maybe, Cass heard something, because she continued as if he had spoken. Or maybe she just wanted the chance to talk. It had been stolen from her for thirteen years, and it was valuable to her. 

“You do not have to be kind. You do not have to hug me, even if I want you to. You do not have to be my brother. I know it hurts too much. But you are me. I am you. You do not even have to try for that. I do not have to give it to you. You have it.”

Tim couldn’t help it. He cried a little, and then he couldn’t stop. 

Cass got off him, but she kept her promise. She didn’t hug him. She just propped him up against the sofa, holding his hand, and didn’t speak. At some point the door creaked, and he felt Stephanie next to him. 

This is why, Tim thought hysterically, he had been avoiding them.

He knew this would happen. There was no hiding from Cass. There was no posturing, no pretending. She didn’t want anything from him. She never had. There was nothing he could say that would drive her away, because Cass did not listen to the words people spoke. She spoke only for clarity, when she could not afford for her words to be misconstrued, and for the comfort of others. 

Cass knew that he had been lying out of his ass. Cass knew that he wasn’t as insane as he pretended, as cruel as he wanted to be. 

He couldn’t make Cass hate him. Shit. 

None of them said anything. Nothing needed to be said, not between the three of them. Cass might be having a silent conversation in Sign with Steph, but he didn’t care enough to open his eyes and look. When they had first met, it used to make Steph so mad that Tim and Cass were having ‘secret conversations’. She had poured over her dictionaries, learning as quickly as physically possible so she could keep up. Everything Steph had, she had worked hard for. 

Steph was in college now. Premed. She wanted to be an ER doctor. Steph wasn’t a genius, she had to study hard. She wouldn’t be able to superhero in med school, so she was ready to hang up her cape for a few years until she achieved her dream. Steph said that she could do just as much good as a doctor as a superhero. She hadn’t always wanted it. When they were kids and Bruce used to ask her what she wanted to do when she grew up, in his awkward faux-dad way, she had always shrugged and said that she might be a nurse. 

“Why not med school?” Bruce had suggested, between sleepy spoonfuls of oatmeal. She used to spend more nights at their place than at her own. Her mom hadn’t noticed. 

Steph had just shrugged awkwardly, nibbling her whole-wheat organic toast that she would stare at suspiciously. Rich people, she would say, sighing. “I would never be able to afford it. And no way I’m smart enough.”

“You’re good enough,” Bruce said, which was the closest he ever came to praising somebody. “I’ll pay for it.”

Steph had gaped. Cass had eaten her Lucky Charms smugly. Tim had rolled his eyes. “An in-the-know doctor for the vigilante community would be invaluable,” he had informed her, pretentious and callous. “We could use you.”

“You deserve it,” Cass had signed. 

“You have a bright future, Stephanie,” Bruce said, buckling under the panic of being a responsible adult. “I would hate to see you waste it.”

He would hate to see any of them waste their future. He had hated to see what Tim had become. He knew that. The last time he had ever seen Bruce, it was just to disappoint him. Bruce was the only parent he had ever had, and his standards were so sky high it was impossible to do anything other than disappoint. 

The fact of the matter was this: he loved Cass and Steph more than he loved Bruce. He could hate Bruce. He could hate himself. But Cass and Steph…

Bruce had ear-marked a lot of money for Steph, both for whatever continuing education she chose and for her future. It had raised a lot of questions among the lawyer team, but ultimately she had been written off as another of his strays. Tim had left her a lot of money too. There probably wasn’t any point: when she married Cass she’d have equal access to the fortune. Rich people, Stephanie used to whisper in awe, looking at organic toast. 

Cass was majoring in dance. She wanted to be a ballerina. 

Tim’s future...Tim’s future…

“Or we can watch a nature documentary,” Steph said out loud. “If we all promise not to say a fucking word.”

Incredibly, unmistakably, irrevocably, Tim groaned. “Not the fucking bee one again.”

“I like the bees,” Cass said serenely. 

“If you aren’t going to get out of my house can I at least smoke up?” Tim asked miserably. 

“I brought gummy bears,” Steph said, chipper as ever, “which are way better.”

“I’m going to the fucking bathroom,” Tim grumbled, which everybody knew was as good as a yes. 

“If you take anything I’ll know,” Cass said serenely, and also threatened. 

“Fuck you, bitch.”

Steph and Cass high-fived, and Tim sulked angrily to the bathroom. He took a second to look at himself in the mirror - looking for Tim Drake, failing, as always - before opening it and grabbing his baggie of pills. 

He looked at it. He looked at the toilet. He looked at the baggie. 

He didn’t flush them. He put them back in the medicine cabinet. Tomorrow. He’ll do them tomorrow. Not today. He can hold out for 24 hours. It’ll be fine. 

For a wild, stupid, insane second, Tim wondered if he could say that tomorrow too. If tomorrow he would look at them and say: maybe tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that…

If there was a future, for a fuck-up like him. 

The faint strains of Cass’ stupid fucking bee documentary began playing through the thin walls of his shitty little apartment, and Tim turned out the lights of his bathroom and closed the door, locking it securely behind him. 

[sckyie]

word count: 2.5k

genre + warnings: enemies to lovers; coworkers, office love, alcohol mentioned, swearing

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: hi hi here’s my exchange gift for @coophi! happy holidays and stay safe, i hope you like what i wrote for you! [ this was apart of @/haikyuucreations secret santa ]

You put your forehead on the table groaning at the recent news. "You'll get'em next time, Y/n," your coworker rubbed your back. You sighed louder as you heard something being placed on your desk. You shift your face towards the corner of the surface to see a coffee cup with your name scribbled on the side.

You rolled your eyes and looked up to see the new lead, Kuroo, being congratulated by everyone. "That was supposed to be my promotion," You grumbled. You stared at the coffee up and walked over to Kuroo's desk. Leaving the filled cup, you excused yourself to the bathroom.

Kuroo watched as you rejected his peace offering before leaving the office. He understood how you felt once you heard that you didn't get the promotion. Your papers were perfect, clients loved you both, but the one thing keeping you from getting the promotion was simple. Kuroo's numbers were much higher than yours and it crushed yours.

The thought of endless nights staying late to catch up became pointless. The effort in surpassing him wasn't necessary anymore. All your work, all your stressful nights, everything didn't matter to the manager and execs.

"Hmph," Kuroo seated himself and stared at your drink on his desk.

"Something wrong, Kuroo?" Your coworker peeked beside him.

"Oh nothing," He responds.

You return to your desk, side-eyeing your now superior. You took a deep breath before returning to your paperwork.

Numbers, numbers, numbers. You spent your shift calculating, writing, and fixing errors. The jumble of text on your screen began to hurt your brain for working so hard.

The day dreaded on as the anger in you fumed. It wasn't that you were mad for not getting the promotion. You were furious that out of all people it'd be Kuroo who got it. You despised his snarky, overly confident facade and his petty ways of trying to show you how great he was.

Finally, your shift comes to an end but so does Kuroo's. You two walk together to the elevators though you tried your hardest avoiding him. "Did I get your order wrong?" Kuroo smirked as he pressed the lobby button.

"I don't want your pity coffee," You muttered.

"It's not a pity coffee," He rebutted. "It was a hot chai latte."

"Haha," You mocked. "I don't even like chai."

"Then what do you like?" Kuroo smiled.

"Not you," You immediately walked out of the elevator, making your way to the parking lot.

"Tsk," He was the tiniest bit irritated by your tone but decided to try again tomorrow.

Papers, papers, papers. Endless papers for you to edit and write at home. It was torture but how else could you succeed in your career. Things were already shit with Kuroo trying to be friends with you. Nevertheless, you finished at least ten pages of reports for tomorrow's agenda.

Early morning, you arrived at the office before everyone like normal. Kuroo arrives with two coffees and a small brown bag. He walked over, placing the snack and cup on your desk without a word. He walks to his desk and begins his work without interacting.

You turn the cup to check what it was. "Café latte," You mouthed. You peeked in the small bag to see a blueberry muffin. Before you could return the drink, people began to file into the room. You rolled your eyes and sipped on the drink.

"Success," Kuroo thought to himself as he watched you snack and sip the offerings.

It became a daily thing for Kuroo to bring you drinks. Never the same one twice, but always a blueberry muffin. You gave in to his gesture and thanked him silently whenever he passed by.

Your favorite interaction however was his failed attempt in talking to you. "You come here often?" He asked as he placed your coffee on your desk.

"Considering I work here, yes," You say sarcastically.

"Wow I'm literally so stupid," Kuroo thought. Kuroo saw many opportunities to talk to you more but fell nervous every time. It was always hard for him to get close to someone new. His past relationships had left him hopeless for his own future. The toxicity from the past girls left him thinking he'd never be happy with someone. These past few years, he'd been focusing on himself.

Then you walked into his life. After being transferred to a new branch, you seemed different than any other girl he's met. Kuroo saw hope in you and believed that you could be the light of his love life. He admired your attention to detail, your determination, and well, your beauty. Kuroo saw all your greatest features yet he could never bring himself to tell you his admiration.

One day, you had already a shitty morning and didn't want to deal with anything at work. From annoying traffic to angry clients to the blisters from your heels, you wanted more than anything for the day to end.

A few upset clients later, your head began to pound and you excused yourself for an early break. Kuroo turned to see you sulk away, causing him to furrow his eyebrows.

"What's with Y/n?" He asks his desk neighbor.

"Oh, two of her clients weren't co-operating and it's getting her frustrated," She responded. "She's been having a bad day."

Kuroo looks at your desk curiously and noticed how you had removed your heels under your desk. "Be right back," Kuroo gets up from his desk and walked over to the shared kitchen area to grab some things.

You returned from your short break to be greeted with a small pile of things. Bandages for your blisters, medicine for your headache, water, and a cut-up apple. "Take it easy," You found a post-it on the water bottle. You looked at your screen to see your client queue cleared with everyone on the list as approved. Confused as ever, you make use of the mystery goods to tend to your needs.

"Attention everyone, tonight Ryu here is throwing a little work party at his apartment," Your manager announced. "It is a small goodbye party for him and congratulations to our new lead, Kuroo." You rolled your eyes at Kuroo's name and continued to snack on the apples.

Later that night, you arrived at Ryu's house, catching Kuroo's attention. "Woah," Your male coworker gasped at the sight of you. "Damn, how is she single."

"Hey calm down, Kuroo-san has a crush on her," Other teased.

"Fuck off and keep my love life out your mouth," Kuroo nudges his shoulder. Though they weren't wrong, you were stunning. Dressed to impress and you even put your hair down from your usual updo. Kuroo was left speechless, thus leaving him too anxious to tell you anything.

After one cheesy speech and a big congratulations, the drinking began. Kuroo began to get too into the moment, having one too many drinks. You, however, stayed sober the whole party. You snickered at the sight of your drunk colleagues.

Kuroo's cheeks were bright red and he walked funny. He made his way towards you and you couldn't help but laugh. This was his chance to confess. "I- I- want-" He hiccuped between words. Kuroo began to get lost in thought, forgetting he was drunk confessing. "I- want my- keys- I- need- need  to go- home."

"I don't think so," You snatch his keys from the key holder before he could. "Do you want me to take you home?" He nodded excessively as you rolled your eyes. You chat with Ryu shortly before taking Kuroo to your car.

"Kamikita Apartments," You say. You had asked Ryu as you saw no hope in getting anything out of Kuroo. He slowly fell asleep in your car as you drove through the lit city. "I hope you know, I'm only doing this because you're drunk. I still don't like you."

"Mhm," Kuroo says in his sleep. You giggled at his expression all the way to his apartment.

Kuroo rests his arm around your shoulder as you two made your way to the apartment. You unlock the door and Kuroo immediately walks to the bedroom. Once he realized you weren't behind him, he turns back. "Where'd you go?" He pouted.

"Nowhere," You followed into his room. "Where are your pajamas- Oh, here. Change while I get you water."

Kuroo obeys your order and seats himself as he waited for his water. To him, he had already confidently talked to you about how he felt. Yet in reality, he was too drunk to even comprehend the front of his shirt.

"Here," You notice the tag in the front of his shirt as he chugged the water. "Your shirt is backward."

"Help me?" He begged. You facepalm at his tone but agreed. It felt like you were taking care of a baby. Your cheeks flushed pink once you helped him take off his shirt. You stopped to admire his face as you adjusted the middle of his sleep shirt. His hands move to rest on your hips. "It's so cold. Thank you for helping me change. Oh, and Y/n?"

"Y-yes?" You stuttered at his large hands.

"I have something to tell you," His voice started to sound sleepy. "I love you." Your eyes widen and you couldn't show him your shy expression.

"Tell me that again when you're sober," You move his hands away from you. Making your way to the light switch, you looked at the sad Kuroo. "I'll sleep in the living room. Just- go to bed."

Thankfully you had a change of clothes in your trunk that you used to sleep in. You got ready for bed, chuckling at the sounds of Kuroo snoring next door to the bathroom.

You laid silently on the couch staring at the ceiling. Those three words, you never thought you'd hear them from him of all people. It'd been years since your last break up, so you'd always been so closed off when it came to men. After getting heartbroken, you didn't think another man could love you. Kuroo was no exception. Sure he was handsome but you were adamant about staying single for the longest.

The thought of Kuroo in your life lingered up until the morning. He had woken up before you and found himself with a pounding headache. He made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. As he drank his water, he spit-sprayed the water out of his mouth when he spots you sleeping. He began to cough aggressively before collecting himself. "Wha- what is she doing here?!" He whispered.

You woke up to the sound of your dying colleague, rubbing your eyes to the bright room. Kuroo walked over to you as you sat up, pulling the blanket to your lap. "Good morning," You yawned. "How's the hangover?"

"What are you doing here?" Kuroo panicked.

"You were shit-faced. This was the one thing I could do for repaying you for the coffees," You say.

"Did I do- did I say anything stupid?" He hides his face in his hands.

"You told me something," You began to fiddle with your thumbs. "I don't know if you meant it or not, but you told me you loved me."

"I...did?" Kuroo slowly moves his hands to look at you. Your face was red and you were playing with your sleeves now.

"Well, did you mean it?" You ask. "If you didn't..."

Kuroo reached over and pulled your chin up with his index knuckle and thumb. "I meant it," He says. "I really did."

Your face grew warmer at his words. "Why?" You sighed. "I'm so mean to you."

"Because," Kuroo moves his hand away to stare at his lap. "I love your smile. I love the way you work. I love how determined you are. The way you sign your papers with a tiny heart. The way you laugh at the smallest things. And...I know you might hate my guts but ever since I saw you, I admired you. You make so many people smile and bring happiness to the room. I thought I'd been on your shit list but I'm glad you took care of me- See that's another thing, you put yourself after everyone else. That's why I gave you bandaids, buy you coffee, finished your quotas for you. I just think you deserve better than what you have right now. And I'm so impressed by you-"

You got annoyed by his rambling and decided to grab his cheeks. You interrupted his words by crashing your lips into his. "You literally talk so much," You pulled away. "Can I talk now?"

Kuroo was stunned at the fact that you just kissed him to shut him up. "You just- kissed-" You pressed your lips on his again to keep him quiet. He deepened the kiss before you could pull away. "You can talk." He smiled as he pulled away.

"Okay," You move from his face. "I wanted to say, you weren't on my shit list or whatever. I was upset I didn't get the promotion and I didn't like your attitude. But, getting to know you I learnt how different you really are. Especially when you’re drunk, it's funny. Besides that, I didn't know how you felt, I didn't notice all the things you've done for me."

Kuroo placed his palm on yours, carefully comparing the size of it to yours. "I didn't think I could fall in love with someone who didn't give me the time of day," He says. You moved your fingers to trace his.

"How are you so sure that you love me?" You laced your fingers with Kuroo's.

"That's the thing, I'm not sure," Kuroo looked down at his lap. "I did all those things just to make your days easier. I thought all the small gestures I did, wouldn't matter to you. That they were just tedious things that bothered you. To be honest, I'm afraid of letting someone into my heart. I was drunk when I told you and I meant it but I want to know for sure that I'm in love with you before anything."

"Do you want to find out?" You say softly.

"Only if you'd let me," Kuroo looked up to see you smiling at him. You nodded and leaned in for another kiss. "Man if only your kisses made this hangover go away."

You rolled your eyes and pressed your lips against his once more. The feeling of his hands move to your waist caused the heat in your face to return. Kuroo pulls you to straddle his lap as he deepened the kiss. Your hands rest on his shoulders while he rubbed your sides.

"I promise to make you the happiest woman in the world," He whispered as he pulled away.

"Do I still get morning coffee?" You giggled.

"And your blueberry muffin," Kuroo chuckled. You smiled before pecking his lips. You rest your head on the crook of his neck as he rubbed your back. "I won't disappoint you."

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[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[the-firebird69]

There are few other things happening and a lot of stuff and punta Gorda FL and this place will be turned upside down today. You're going to list off several things that are happening is very important for hours to know what time it is here in punta Gorda and Port Charlotte and South Florida and all of Florida this place is going to be a nightmare for a few days.

-the max replacing travel restrictions on everybody except themselves and they probably won't work and they'll probably pull it back to just the idiots can't drive around

-huge numbers of idiots are to be pulled in today and yeah we're helping so we're going to drive when we need to and where the cops too and we'll figure it out.

-there is a giant giant crowd at the border and it's about 2 million people and Charlotte county and you go out and 200 million to 400 million 800 billion and a crowd of six octillion the South and eight octane from the north it's not too bad. Let me hear this they have increased to about 20 times no 30 and it's more at Charlotte county there are 200 million at the border and yeah we need ships and about 400 million than a billion then a couple trillion and from North is about 700 octillion but behind that is a group of about 20,000 octillion yes from Florida itself to Florida. From the South about 80,000 I'll tell you and her son says give me a break it's true the full of s*** but seriously there's 2,000 octillion from the south and 3,000 octillion from the north those are big numbers serious numbers and really it's pretty much what's going to be left there in a few days that's all that's going to be right now they're only three or four times that then they're out and we expect to have to evacuate today.

-there are about 15,000 people who are saying our son should go along and I'll pretty much all the higher-ups that are leaving and a senses I don't have any money. Don't know anybody down there I think you're crazy. So they're leaving upset and he says the max won't let me have money and that's making them very upset. Besides the max will let me have money but it's coding so it has to be fine and you guys won't get me other money and that's what it really is it's a huge evacuation and his plans and is an attack too and it makes sense now

-more people are evacuating now that anticipated they see the idea and it's good. They're moving fast very fast and they're going to a big chips and leaving all over the USA and all over the world. The upper Midwest will be empty for a Time except for military and they might not be able to come down and refill it.

-here in punta Gorda they're talking about staff issues and they have them with the current staff they plan to lay off a certain percentage of the employees that work for the government and they're going to go ahead and do that and then there's a certain percentage that says we should hold them there for a while and I don't know what that means so they're going to talk to them

-they're all being witness from the sheriff's office in Charlotte county today including chief premal and all of the PD as well and fire department and other services by the government

-does giant numbers of individuals to be apprehended on lists and here in Charlotte and also surrounding areas including fort Myers and Sarasota Bradenton Tampa and all of South Florida and Florida but for the most part the lists are this area Southwest Florida and there's giant numbers of people to bring in they just want huge numbers

-they play on evicting Terry trump and Dave. Have some reasons why the main reason is that they're obnoxious as hell. The state is going to file papers and that's Jason hes doing it purpose. It's actually a decent number of people here that are trumpsters no there's not that many left

this is a huge day for everybody

-all the elected officials are going to be put on notice and several select men and councilman will be released due to obnoxious idiotic and mostly illegal behavior and being extremely rude to citizens of any kind mostly this a****** next door

-several higher level officials are going to be released and we made mayor's and we mean people who are in the State Assembly as the house and the Senate and people working for them there's other positions they're going to be in are being eliminated from actually right now I am ambassador positions statehouse positions and more. Out of the 4500 top level positions in Port Charlotte and punta Gorda will be 500 left after today

-and as I said government employees be fired most of them it's going to be huge and they go by who they're laid off at the top level yes and right now I'm just about 1300 left and they intend to fire 800

-there's about 400,000 people who don't belong here in Charlotte county at all it's a couple hundred thousand with North it's only a contingent of like 200 people and yeah they're going to butchers but that's a lot of people here that don't belong they're going to suck and if I don't belong with me being that they've been covering here they've been governing here and working here and live here for a long time but now they suck. They're saying that the situation is kind of stupid some of them and we meet about half and that's what's happening already no the people evacuated or from other areas and they're not necessarily higher ups but now they're talking about it there's a bunch of reasons mainly they will have no support and there are people evacuated and they would be the ones going with them

-we are in receipt of several hundred thousand dollars that is to go to our son from the federal government and it's for the missed social security and we would not have it no that's not true but we say the treasury distributed and they say yes and they want us to they simply can't get him the money. And they said to stop saying nonsense that they're the government. We know how it works and scam and it works and it's complicated it's not as simple as he says but it's pretty close and just need all the particulars but he gets it it's kind of like getting paid by it so they pay them and it gets traced because it's like this phone is playing that they don't deserve and three quarters of it will be fraud that's what we like to hear and we'll Chase it down with them that's going to happen and we hope it works for you and he says oh what the toilet the fire alarm Elijah fridge and we get that practically nothing works all the time and it's teeny. So they're prepping to do that and that was back Daddy who said that. And yes one period at a time makes sense any issue it from the start to present and it's the farthest back max said you can't do that to the boy or to himself he can't remember it and hold on to it it's just now trying to get food daily. Max says he should know in addition to that statement because he's doing it too and people are realizing something this is a living nightmare here these people are horrible the spitting same dumb things to people staying in the way is an abhorrent nightmare. And it's true too you like a good mack with you against us now and you won't shut your mouth I'm not getting your damn thing. Matter of fact we're encourage you to leave

there's more in just a moment

Thor Freya

Olympus

[4aloysius-porteu]

Tear In My Heart

pairing: kirishima eijirou x vigilante reader

wc: 1908

genre: songfic, angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of blood/injuries

tear in my heart - twenty one pilots

Kirishima

It was nighttime when I was ordered to guard in Hosu City, in patrol of villains making crimes around. Yes, I'm a certified hero now and I just finished taking down a criminal with a laser quirk, and I'm on the way to my agency to turn over him.

"That's Red Riot for you!" Tetsutetsu greeted me while the police restrained the criminal. We did their usual brofist, "You alright, bro?"

"Why woudn't I be? I'll stay here for the whole night to catch and drive the villains away."

"Anyway, Fourth Kind said you can go home now. The others and I will take over here. Get a rest, man! See you tomorrow!"

"Oh, yeah, see you!" He patted my shoulder as I left to change clothes.

Sometimes you gotta bleed to know That you're alive and have a soul

I finished changing, then I got outside and saw my friends.

"Hey, Kirishimaaaa!" Ashido and Kaminari loudly greeted.

"Hey guys! You finished in your shift? Where's Sero and Bakugou?" I asked.

"Yep! They're on the morning shift now so we won't we seeing them in this month," Ashido replied.

"Dude, your Hero name is so famous around these areas! You sure are close with people after you rescue them, I'm envious!" Kaminari said.

"Don't be, Kaminari. Maybe someday you'll get known too."

"I hope so."

But it takes someone to come around, To show you how

After a litte chitchat they bid a goodbye and I got inside my car and drove it in a moderate speed. When I stopped in the red light, I remembered something important. I haven't texted hy girlfriend for the whole time!

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

Crap, I hope she's not mad at me!

I grabbed my phone and my fingers typed quickly, apologizing for not talking with her. She didn't reply, which made me more worried. I sighed and continued driving.

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

Few minutes later, I still didn't get a reply. Maybe she's really angry, so I made my way to her apartment. While driving, I smiled when I suddenly remembered the first time we met. It was a year ago, in my first hero job.

A car accidentally crashed on her while she was crossing a road, severely injuring her leg. I was on the patrol so I rushed to rescue her. I took her to the hospital and visited her everyday till she gained conciousness. And when she did, God knows how I was caught in her beauty.

The songs on the radio are okay But my taste in music is your face

Since her parents were already gone and her older brother was working overseas, I was the one who took care of her, other than the hospital nurse. We soon got closer and talked with deeper topics, like our chilhood, families, and random experiences. It was really fun to be with her.

When she got better and was able to get out of the hospital, we exchanged numbers, and texted almost every hour.

But it takes a song to come around, To show you how

I also took her on a lot of dates, before we admitted our feelings to each other and her and I became 'we'.

I was taken back to the reality by my phone beeping. At last, she replied! Although, her text is just composed of a location that was 2 blocks away from me. I decided to go since I trust her and I think she's already there.

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive

I drove on the way but all I found was a dark alley. It was very quiet and shady, why would my girlfriend lead me here? I walked inside, but I came up with my fighting stance in case something bad happens.

"Hello? (Y/N)? Are you here?" I called.

She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

No response. I continued to walked, until a figure showed up above me. I fought to restrain it, but I feel like its fighting back so desperately, so I decided to back off a bit and let it pin me on the ground.

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

It was panting hard, but still managed to restrain my wrists. I looked at its face, and when the light of the moon showed up, I instantly recognized her face.

Than I've ever been...

"K-Kirishima?" She weakly said.

"(Y/N)!" She let go of my wrists as I got up and held her in my arms, "Are you okay? Hey!"

Than I've ever been...

"I think I'm alright... but I'm glad you came."

"What happened?"

Than I've ever been...

"K-Kirishima... I'm tired. I-I can tell you when we get to your place..."

I quickly carried her to my car and laid her down for her to rest. Now, I noticed that she has wounds and bruises on her arms, and her stomach has a blood stain. I have a hunch on what happened, but I'll ask it to her later.

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time But that's okay I'll just avoid the holes So you'll sleep fine

I started to drive, but the road holes makes it hard to drive properly. (Y/N) might wake up because of my recklessness, so I decided to drive slowly.

I'm driving here I sit, Cursing my government For not using my taxes To fill the holes with more cement

I observed her sleeping figure at peace before taking my focus on the road. There's a lot of road holes, I wondered where it came from, since its still fine when I passed here. Maybe its the villians' or hero's battle fault.

You fell asleep in my car, I drove the whole time But that's okay I'll just avoid the holes So you'll sleep fine

I'm driving here I sit, Cursing my government For not using my taxes To fill the holes with more cement

When I reached my house, I parked my car in my garage and carried her out of the car then inside. I laid her on the bed and get a medical kit to treat her wounds. It wasn't too deep or serious, but its many. I raised her shirt, but first I promised not to do inappropriate things, and proceeded on treating on a medium sized cut on her stomach.

Sometimes you gotta need to know That you're alive and have a soul

I covered her wounds and cuts with a clean gauze and band aids, and that's when she woke up.

"Oh, sorry to wake you up, (Y/N). You can go to sleep now. I treated your wounds now, don't worry."

I was about to stand up and get her a blanket, but she pulled me back and hugged me from behind.

But it takes someone to come around, To show you how

"(Y/N)? Is there something wrong?"

She muttered, "Stay..."

I did what she said and sat beside the bed. I sighed and asked her again.

"You're still continuing your vigilante activities, aren't you?"

She's the tear in my heart, I'm alive She's the tear in my heart, I'm on fire

"Yes."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Yes."

She's the tear in my heart, Take me higher, than I've ever been

"I'm sorry for not texting you for the whole day, but (Y/N), I told you to stay out of danger! We've been through a lot of arguments here! First off, there are strong villains scattered everywhere, and second, you don't have a Hero License, so the authorities can arrest you when they caught you! You're between the two parties, and when you mess up, none of those sides will help and rescue you!"

A sound of a slap echoed through the room.

My heart, is my armor She's the tear in my heart

She replied, sobbing, "So are you underestimating me? Do you not believe and trust my abilities? And what do you mean that none of those two sides will help? You are on the heroes' side aren't you? Won't you come and rescue me if I'm about to get killed? Will you forget me for your commitment in the Heroes' society? God damn it, Eijirou! I'm being a hero in my own way because the society rejected my ideology and ability!"

She let go of me and cried. I felt bad for making her cry, but I just had to tell those things.

"I thought you understand me, Eijirou, but now I felt that you're just the same as the others! I hate you, Eijirou! I really hate you!"

She's a carver, She's a butcher with a smile

I moved to reach her but she slapped my hand away. That didn't stop me though, I still hugged her, even if she's struggling against my grip.

"Let go of me, Eijirou! I'm leaving now!"

Cut me farther, Than I've ever been

She beat my chest multiple times, but I refused to loosen my embrace. I held her tight and forced her against my chest, trying to stop her from moving.

"I'll never let go of you, (Y/N). You know that well."

Than I've ever been...

She ceased, but she gripped the sleeves of my shirt, tugging it and continued crying in it. I patted her hair and back.

"I just said those things because... I was worried. I don't want you getting hurt. I'm sorry for being hard on your feelings, (Y/N). I'm really sorry."

Than I've ever been...

"I-I was worried too. You didn't message me for the whole day. That wasn't your habit, so I went out to find you but I messed with some villains who was breaking in the bank in my way." She managed to say between sobs.

Oh, than I've ever been...

I kissed her forehead, "I'm glad you're safe."

"But Eijirou... about earlier. Aren't you going to come to me when you're stuck in your hero work and I'm in terrible danger? Please, answer me honestly."

My heart, is my armor She's the tear in my heart

"Of course not. I promise with all my heart that you'll be my first priority. I know I'm the only one, and once I'm not around you anymore, promise me to take care of yourself, okay?"

You turned away, "Don't say that. It scares me."

"Just do it."

"I promise not to make a fuss and take care of myself when Kirishima Eijirou is not around anymore."

She's the tear in my heart, She's a carver

"I hope that time won't come." She mumbled.

I held a stray strand of her hair and tucked it beside her ear, then placed my hand on her cheek, "You're so beautiful, (Y/N). I can never think of losing you."

She's a butcher with a smile, Cut me farther,

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you too, Eijirou."

Than I've ever been.

I leaned in and gave her the most passionate kiss I can give, and at that time, I feel very happy and secured with her. I could tell she feels the same because tears stopped flowing from her eyes.

Loving makes you feel alive, after all.

[just-stop]

From AFLW to roller derby, experts say its time to take concussion in women's sport seriously

When the Crows chase their third AFLW premiership on Saturday, captain Chelsea Randall will be watching from the sidelines.

A concussion from a collision during last week's preliminary final left her ruled out of the match.

It's a bitter sweet way to end a season — but as Sarah McCarthy knows, a concussion can have much longer consequences

In 2016, Sarah was the jammer for her Sydney roller derby team, skating at high speed in the league's Grand Final, aiming to get past the opposition and score points.

Risks of contact sport

Sarah McCarthy received a knock to the head during a roller derby match.

"I was a few feet in front of the pack, looking over my shoulder," she tells ABC RN's Sporty.

As she skated, a competitor's elbow hit Sarah's neck and jaw hard and she crashed to the ground.

She doesn't remember if she passed out or not, but recalls feeling briefly sick.

She got up, sat out for awhile, but later re-joined the bout, feeling reasonably ok.

It was Sarah's second concussion that week, having had an earlier blow at training.

The next few months passed in a blur of sickness, dizziness and ringing ears.

"I could barely make it past lunch time without falling asleep. My head felt like it was in a vice 24 hours a day," she says.

What was worse, says Sarah, was the memory loss, heightened emotions, and constant haze in her mind as she struggled to manage a big work project.

Sarah's experience is not out of the ordinary. Experts say sportswomen are at higher risk of concussion than male athletes, and the effects of concussion in women tend to be more severe.

Sarah still lives with the ongoing after effects of her concussion even today.

Almost five years on, Sarah continues to live with the implications of Post Concussion Syndrome.

"I struggled verbally, and I still do now if I have a poor night's sleep," Sarah says.

"It's almost like I'm sitting on a chair in a room with a curtain around me and all of my vocabulary is just beyond the curtain. And I can't reach it or I use the wrong words. I forget people's name all the time," she says.

"I'm fatigued every day. I still can't exercise. I can't handle stress, I can't handle light, I can't handle sounds."

What happens when you're concussed?

Dr Adrian Cohen, an emergency and trauma physician who researches concussion prevention, says concussion is not as simple as was once thought.

He says concussion results in less blood flow to the brain.

This means brain cells, called neurons, don't get enough oxygen and glucose. They also suffer a "structural deformity".

Basically, Dr Cohen says, the brain has a "metabolic crisis" and neurons stop working properly.

Why is concussion more common in women?

We don't have enough data on the size of the problem, Dr Cohen says.

But research and scrutiny of concussion in women in sport is growing — largely in the wake of developments in elite men's sport such as the AFL and NFL.

"Doctors like myself who work in this area are definitely seeing it more often and we're seeing it with more severity," Dr Cohen says.

He says women sustain more concussions than men in high-impact sports such as rugby league, rugby union and Australian rules football. Women also take longer to recover.

One possibility is that women may be more likely to report concussion.

But Dr Cohen says there are complex physiological factors at play.

"There are structural differences between men and women's brains," he says.

"They actually have a slightly faster metabolism than male brains, and they have slightly greater oxygen flow to the head.

"The cells themselves can be thought of as being slightly hungrier. So in the context of an injury that disrupts the supply of glucose and oxygen, it can help explain why they suffer more damage."

He also says women are joining high impact sports without years of tackle training and have had less opportunity to build up the strong neck muscles crucial in protecting against impact.

Dr Cohen says these factors are not an argument for reducing women's participation in contact sport — the benefits, he says, far outweigh the risks — but he is urging for new ways to minimise those risks.

"We have to outlaw illegal play that causes damage, we have to get people off the field when they have an injury, we have to recognise concussion," he says.

He is part of a team developing a new device which he says can quickly and accurately assess a player for concussion.

"Instead of just asking somebody whether they're okay, and putting [them] through a 10 minute test, which seems fundamentally flawed at the moment, we have got to put this in the field of objectivity."

Concussion and migranes

Dr Rowena Mobbs, a Macquarie University neurologist who researches and treats the effects of concussion in sportspeople, says there is truth to suggestions that women experience concussion symptoms more severely.

"But there is this really important overlap of chronic migraine after trauma, and the term for this is post-traumatic headache," she says.

"When we talk about migraine ... they're the same multitude of symptoms that can occur in concussion.

"So you can be dizzy and clouded in your thinking, lethargic and have double vision. And we know that women are at three times the risk of chronic migraine than men."

A woman on roller skates playing roller derby can be seen flying up the court.

Experts say more research is needed into concussion in sportswomen.(Liam Mitchell Photography )

She suggests there could be an association between chronic migraine syndrome and concussion, a kind of double whammy for women.

"It's really a complex area," Dr Mobbs says.

"It's fairly new to research because, unfortunately, there's been so much preferred research in men in sport, and we're only just now approaching female concussion."

In Australia, the Sports Brain Bank works on diseases such as chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and other brain disorders associated with previous concussions or head impacts.

Dr Cohen says there are several Australian sports women who've pledged to donate their brain to the Sports Brain Bank.

"But in general terms, these women won't have been playing the games for as long, and at as high a level," he says.

He says concussion and its long-term consequences "are a numbers game".

"The more impacts to the head you have, the more likely you are to suffer short, medium and long-term consequences. Therefore, the more likely it is to show up as CTE. But we're going to be seeing it in women unfortunately, in the not too distant future."

Invisible injuries

Concussion rules are changing in Australian football codes — the rules that mandated Randall miss the AFLW grand final were brought in earlier this year.

Dr Mobbs welcomes these new rules, but hopes the conversation in elite sport will extend to how concussion is managed at training and in community sport.

In 2019, the Australian Institute of Sport released an updated set of concussion guidelines to improve player safety and address rising concerns in the community around the links between concussion and CTE, which has been linked to dementia and behavioural problems.

Dr Mobbs wants measures like restricting heading the ball in soccer training to be considered.

"We must look after people's brains," she says.

"We can preserve what we love about the sports, they can still be played hard, but it just means that we've got to all get together and think of ways we can preserve brain health for these players."

Sarah McCarthy wishes she'd been stopped from returning to play in the 2016 grand final, and regrets not taking time to immediately rest after the injuries.

She has advice for other people who experience concussion.

"First and foremost, stop everything - stop," she says.

"If you can, stay in a dark room, don't do anything that's too mentally taxing. Don't exercise.

"If I had taken that four to six weeks to rest [and] not have too much mental and emotional stimulation, I think my recovery would have been a lot quicker."