#If you think I'm a batshit asshole tell me

[compassmili]

I don't mean this as a joke about your username, but I find you comparable to water. Helpful, refreshing, pleasant. Perhaps a bit tumultuous. Capable of a frigid cold-snap, if pushed to your limit.

This is honestly so interesting to me, and I'm flattered you took the time to send me this! EveI'm really glad I come off as those positive traits you listed- I want to be someone others feel comfortable around me. And the tumultuous part, and being capable of a snap... Ah. Scratches my head a bit. You'd be rather correct. I do my best to at least make up for my actions afterwards- I truthfully desire to be a good person, someone who others feel safe with.

[singmyaubade]

OKAY OKAY idk if you still do Eddie Munson if not it's fine but I just ended a situationship/fwb with a rude white boy, I lowk wanna see a fanfic. where Eddie has this relationship with reader, then he flirts with someone else and takes them to bed, and reader is just heartbroken,and gets revenge

toxic!eddie munson x female!reader

summary: you think I’d let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? no fucking way. he doesn’t get to win.

warnings: smut! 18+, cursing, very much angst, arguing, mature content, etc..

a/n: wow, you actually got me out of hibernation with this one. i haven't wrote eddie in a long time so bear with me but since fuckboys very much PISS ME OFF, i had to do you a solid and i hope you enjoy! as always, apologize if you hate this.

Your relationship with Eddie was not something that you could explain in a few short words. Of course, it was complex, complicated, difficult, angering, loving, warm.... But again, not something you could name with a few short words.

It had been about three months ago when you caught Eddie staring at your ass while you were playing dodgeball and he was sitting at the bleachers.

He had that sly smile on and his back leaning on one of the levels on the bleachers, staring at you intently. Not only was it enough to catch your attention but enough for you to keep looking.

All it took was a wink and a few whispers in the locker room for you to be hooked. But after, Eddie had made it clear with you that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship.

Eddie kissed your neck while his grip on your neck was harsh, "Listen baby, I want this so fucking bad but I'm not ready for somethin' serious," He whispered but the trance you were in only had you saying,

"Uh-huh,"

And since then, you had been stuck in a friends with benefits situation with Eddie Munson.

It wasn't the worse thing in the world but sometimes, it never felt the best. I mean, it wasn't like Eddie was an asshole who didn't care about you after you fucked or did anything. He would always cuddle you or clean you up when you felt tired.

He would always let you vent to him, give you kisses, and make you laugh. Those were the times when you felt like you could be more with him.

And then there would be times where he talked about Stacey Callahan's ass with a sly smile and glint in his eye, almost making you want to stab him.

You would shoot daggers into him but he would never notice because he considered you a friend.

And you could never tell him your real feelings because then you guys would be nothing and that seemed like a worse fate.

But at least, he never made an actual pass at girls in front of you and from what he had told you, he hasn't fucked anyone since you and him had started.

And that made you feel like you could be more.

But you were afraid you spoke too soon when you were trying to find Eddie and saw him and Caroline Blaren making out under the bleachers.

His hand groping her ass and her moans echoing throughout the gym. If it wasn't for the fact that it was after school, almost half the school population would've been cursed with this sight.

His mouth leaving hot kisses on her neck as he did with you a multitude of times, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as she giggled.

For the first time in your life, you had felt as if your heart had shattered.

A part of you wanted to make a scene, maybe go batshit crazy and curse Eddie to the brink of eternity and then the other part of you wanted to walk away, realize that you were worth more than someone who you thought cared for your feelings or for you at all.

Before you could leave the gym and maybe cry in a corner, Eddie locks eyes with you and smiles before he excuses himself and tells Caroline to wait under the bleachers.

She scoffs a little bit but twirls her hair as she stands there, mugging you.

You still have a shocked expression as Eddie approaches you, grinning ear to ear,

"I know I said we were gonna meet today but," He shyly cheers, "I've been trying to bag this for months and I really need this, Y/N, we can meet tomorrow though," He says as if this was casual.

You blinked at him as he awkwardly laughed at your expression, "Earth to Y/N?" He waved his hand in your face as you closed your mouth and swallowed.

You did your best to form a smile, "Uh- yeah sure,"

He cheered, kissing you on the cheek, "You're the best, I owe you one," He winked at you before going back to Caroline.

He put his arm around her shoulder before exiting the other way of the gym.

You couldn't believe that you let Eddie Munson break your heart.

There were multiple thoughts entering your head the sight of this.

One was that you were a complete idiot and let Eddie Munson play you like a fiddle. The second was that he had never taken you seriously. The third was that you needed to make him feel as you did.

And maybe it was petty for you to feel like you needed revenge but you couldn't let Eddie get away with making multiple girls feel this way,

Harmless to him but cruel to you.

And now you had to make him pay which you knew wasn't going to be easy.

Making Eddie Munson jealous was one of those things that was damn near impossible. He always prided himself in being as 'chill as a cucumber, when it came to his love life.

You had never seen him get jealous once and you didn't even think it was a feeling to him.

But you did know Eddie hated being ignored.

You remembered when he jokingly called your ass flat and you ignored him for an hour before he looked like he was on the brink of tears.

That was the one sore sport of his that you knew of and it certainly wouldn't hurt to use it to your advantage.

So when Eddie had called you that very night, you answered but not with the same eagerness you always had,

"Hello?" You answered, holding the telephone up to your ear.

"Hey Y/N," You heard Eddie's voice on the other side of line, voice excited.

You swallowed before answering back flatly, "Hi,"

He sounded surprised at your tone but didn't mention it, "Jus' wondering if you wanted to come over, Caroline just left,"

Your blood felt like it was boiling. It was as if he wanted a snack to go with his meal which only pissed you off more and it had been six hours, he had been fucking Caroline for six hours.

"I can't," You said, concealing your anger.

He sounded astonished, "Uh, why not?"

"Busy," You replied, annoyed.

You could feel your vagueness starting to worry him, "Busy with what?" He said snarkily.

"Stuff," You scoffed.

When did Eddie care so much about what you were doing? Maybe once he realized you wouldn't be at his beck and call any longer.

He took a breath, "What about tomorrow?" He asked, hoping your answer would be different.

"I'm busy, Eddie," You snapped.

There was silence on the other line for a few seconds that felt like decades before he replied again, "Is something wrong?" He asked, the worry present in his voice.

"No, I really can't talk right now, I'll see you later," You said quickly, putting the phone back on the link before he could answer.

You sighed, trying your best to feel as if this was the best decision. Of course, you knew ignoring Eddie wouldn't be the easiest thing in the world but you didn't expect it to be the hardest either.

Once Eddie gets fixated, there's not really a way to get him off the case.

And that turned out to be a fact when you saw him at school the next morning,

"Y/N," Someone grabbed your arm, pulling you in the custodian closet.

You made a surprised sound before realizing it was Eddie, "Jesus, I thought you were a murderer," You said, releasing your arm from his grip.

He ignored your joke, locking his eyes into your eyes, "What's up with you?" He asked.

You gulped, "I don't know what you're talking about,"

He scoffed, "You fucking dodged me on the phone,"

You rolled your eyes, "I told you I was busy,"

"You've literally let me eat you out before you had an huge exam in the next hour so that's a load of crap," He replied as you gawked, "So tell me what's actually up,"

You moved your jaw to the side, looking away as Eddie fumed in front of you.

You were lost for words but this didn't stop Eddie from waiting for answer so you gave one,

"I'm done fucking you,"

Eddie looked shocked, lost for words, he almost seemed as if he was having a stroke. He snapped out of his trance by laughing, "Are you serious?"

Your demeanor didn't change, "Deadly."

He bit his lip, almost wanting to laugh because this had to be a joke, "Baby, thats a big decision," His chest was against yours at this point, "Are you sure about this?" He asked, his breath whispering against your ear.

You could feel yourself breathing harder and a bit turned on but you knew this cycle wouldn't end if you didn't stop it. You pushed against his chest as he stepped backwards, "I'm done Eddie." You stated, walking out of the closet and leaving him in there.

You took a deep breath before walking to your class, it was hard to believe that you had just rejected Eddie and that he didn't utterly make you regret it.

You sat in class as you watched Eddie come on minutes after, always arriving after the bell. You could feel the tension radiating off you both but he didn't care to take a glimpse of you, his hard expression already telling enough.

You eyed him as he sat down next to you, a shocked expression on your face. Eddie had never sat down next to you in classes or let alone even show up.

You could already tell he was about to start fucking with you.

As Ms. Rodriguez started her lesson, you started to feel a fingertip tracing your knee as you swallowed. You looked at Eddie but he kept his hard expression, not even a smirk forming.

You watched him as his finger rose higher, almost at the hem of your skirt.

There was something in you that wanted to let him, maybe get your last taste Eddie before it was over forever but if you did this, it would never be over.

You knew this was Eddie trying to win and you couldn't let him.

In a flash, you grabbed his hand which caused him to finally look at you and you slammed it into his own lap. He looked furious and you felt a small victory as he pushed out his chair and stormed out while Ms. Rodriguez yelled for him to come back.

—————

The bell rang as you went towards the cafeteria, going to sit with the mutual friends you shared with Eddie.

Ever since you and Eddie had started hooking up, he had introduced you to his friends and you didn't actually mind sitting with them. They would always banter in front of you which always made you giggle and it was never superficial with them.

Usually, you would've sat next to Eddie but since shit hit the fan, you took a seat next to Gareth.

You saw Eddie shooting daggers into your soul but you kept your composure and ignored him.

You could hear them arguing over something about D&D which only made you laugh before Gareth noticed you, "Hey Y/N!" He beamed as you smiled.

"Hey Gareth, what are you guys talking about?" You asked, looking at him.

Gareth grinned, ready to start his tangent, "Oh so basically, we were talking about if Paladin or the Monk had more of a power bu-"

Eddie cut him off, "What are you doing?" He asked, looking at you as the table went silent.

You steamed, "What are you talking about?"

He began his theatrics, "I mean did I say you could sit here?" The whole table looked between you and him, there had never been one argument between you and Eddie, let alone one in front of them.

You sneered, "Why would I not be allowed to sit here?" You asked, wanting to kill Eddie for doing this in front of everyone.

"Well because, you don't belong here," He said, nonchalantly.

You laughed, "I don't belong here?" Your eyes were locked onto his, anger present in them.

"Yeah," He smirked which only made your blood boil.

"So since I'm sucking your dick anymore, I can't sit here?" You questioned, causing the entire table to gasp.

You weren't planning to reveal that you and Eddie had fucked several times but since he was really trying to get under you, there was no other choice.

"You can't sit here because nobody wants you here, Princess," He said, hatefully.

You looked at everyone around the table but they kept their gazes low, not wanting to go against Eddie.

Eddie was expecting pure anger to come out of you or maybe you would have to reconcile with him and you guys could go back to how you were but instead, you had gotten up and a smile was present on your face.

"I think I'm actually gonna sit with Jason," You slyly said as Eddie felt enraged, "I think that's a dick I actually would like to suck," You grabbed your tray heading over to jock table.

It wasn't exactly the best plan considering you hated Jason but Jason had been trying to get under you for years and this was the only way to get under Eddie's skin.

Your skirt rose up as you blinked dumbly at Jason sitting next to him, "Hi Jason," You sweetly said as he grinned from ear to ear.

"Y/N, what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked, him eyeing your body.

"I was wondering if you could teach me a few things about basketball at yours, I've got a research project," You said, fingers grazing his thigh.

It was not your best effort at being seductive but it was enough to get Jason Carver.

"I think I could help with that, mine at seven?" He said as you nodded.

You turned your back to see Eddie staring at you, more mad than you had ever seen him.

He was jealous.

And this was only the beginning.

[crow-aeris]

Part 3 of the au my brain worms gave me 😔

Part 1, 2, 4

=====

"I keep forgetting about you being a literal trash rat," Jason scoffs, poking at the single pitiful skillet at sat innocently in the giant pantry. He sighs, taking it out, rinsing it, before setting it on the stove.

"Shut up," Tim sighed, pressing his face into the countertop, "You're such an asshole."

"Language, birdy," Jason scoffed, grimacing as he looked through the fridge, "Is there nothing organic in here? You're supposed to be rich, Tim!"

"It's too much work!" his brother complained, "I can't bother with cooking when there are Batmen and Robins to stalk!"

Jason deadpanned, turning over to pin Tim with an unimpressed stare, "Really, kid?"

He shrugs, "You called me a stalker, Jay, I'm just leaning into it! Also, do you want to deal with Dick or Damian next?"

Jason scoffed, "You're the genius, figure it out."

"You lie to Batman once!"

"Oh shut up," Jason rolled his eyes before deciding to make scrambled eggs, because those were the only thing in the entire fridge that were even slightly healthy. Everything else was either frozen meals, exotic fruit juice, and even more frozen meals. God the amount of salt here is atrocious, "We both know you've lied to all of us at least three times."

It was very telling when Tim didn't respond.

"Alright, you make the plans, I make the eggs, and I'll veto anything that sounds utterly batshit insane."

"Do you want to call your mom first?" Tim offered, "She's probably worried sick."

Jason turned, his expression pinching as guilt churned in his chest... He... He doesn't know if he should. He knows she'll die, that someday she'll overdose and leave behind a shaking, trembling, wide-eyed and fearful son, but- but he doesn't think he could deal with it again. Sure, she's his mom, but he- he doesn't know her, this version of her, at least.

"It's okay if you don't-"

"Shut up," he hissed, shocking himself at how strangled and strained his voice sounded, "I- I don't know if I can."

And Tim, with an infuriatingly patient expression, nods.

Jason sucks in a breath through his teeth. He came to peace with her death all those years ago, the faint memory of his previous life overlapping with this reality's.

But... he still owes it to her...

"...Do you want to come with me?" Jason asks after a few seconds of silence.

"Yeah," Tim responds, "Let me go grab some money, and we can buy something instead."

Jason nods shortly before shoving the skillet back into the pantry before going to wait by the door.

A few moments later, the pair of boys sat side by side on the back of the bus. They made have been at each other's throat all those years ago, but now- god help those who ever try to sever them.

As the bus slowed to a stop, the pair wordlessly stood in tandem and strode off the bus. Years of carefully ingrained memory allowing the pair to work together like a well-oiled machine.

"What are you kids doing out here?" a strange man drawls, striding forward to stand in front of the two.

Jason tensed, shifting forward to place himself between Tim and the strange man, "It's none of your business."

"Don't be like that," the man continues, stepping forward with hungry eyes trawling down Jason's face, "are you two brothers?"

Tim's hand pressed against his shoulder, and Jason relaxed to allow Tim to work his stalker magic.

"Yes, we are!" Tim chirped brightly, his currently tone at complete odds with Tim half an hour ago, "I'm so sorry about my brother's attitude. He didn't get enough sleep last night, you see, so he's just a little grumpy."

"I can speak for myself, Al," Jason huffed, feeling acutely aware of the eyes pinning against his skin.

The man looked interested. It was all Jason could do to keep himself from lashing out at the man for his predatory gaze, "What's your name, kid?"

"I'm Alvin John," Tim says brightly, nudging Jason's side with a careful look, "What's your name?"

"How about your brother first?"

"...Thomas," Jason huffed.

"Why are you two out here all alone? Where are your parents?"

"We were out on a walk," Tim nods, "Don't worry, we're safe! Our mom is expecting us, so we should really be on our way."

"You still haven't told us your name," he interrupts.

"Bright kid! You'd be great if you smiled more," and Tim's hand tightening around his arm was the only thing keeping him from brandishing his pocket knife and pulling a Damian, "my name is Derick Gleisner."

"It was nice meeting you, Mister Gleisner," Tim smiles, "I hope you have a good day!"

"You too, kid."

Jason allows Tim to lead them into the crowd. The pair losing the eyes against their back before heading toward Jason's child hood home.

"Robert Shawn," Tim hisses, barely loud enough for Jason to hear, "arrested on account of human and drug trafficking. Batman will find him six days from now and turn him in to the GCPD."

"You want to use him?" Jason replied tightly.

Tim, to Jason's chagrin, nods, "It's the fastest way, short of breaking into the manor, which would just raise their suspicions. If you want to do this another way, I don't mind."

"You already have plans in place, don't you?" Jason groaned, swatting at Tim's arm with a tired sigh. Tim gives him a side-long look, and Jason's question was promptly answered.

They reached the house a minute later, and Jason pushes open the door with his spare key.

"Mom, I'm home!" he calls, freezing as he received no response, "...Mom?"

Tim freezes suspiciously beside him before cursing under his breath, "Jason!"

"What?" he snaps.

"You were here last time, right?" Tim says softly, "You were home."

Jason nods jerkily, dread pooling in his chest as he sees Tim's expression pinch in worry.

He tears away, the carpet bunching under his feet as he scrambles toward the kitchen.

"MOM?" he calls. She wasn't in the kitchen. Maybe her room? "MOM! MOM, WHERE ARE YOU?"

Jason shoves open the door, scrambling at the doorknob in his haste. He bursts in only to see Catherine slumped over on the floor.

This- this wasn't supposed to fucking happen yet! What the FUCK.

He screamed. His knees aching as he lunged forward to grapple with his mom's body. Her skin cold and limbs stiff- his mom- his mom.

Shit- what- this wasn't supposed to happen yet! It- it was august, she wasn't supposed to die until february. God DAMNIT.

"I've called the ambulance," Tim says from the doorway, "Jay..."

"Shut UP. SHUT. UP," Jason screams, shoving his forehead against chilled cold skin as hot tears burned against his eyes, "Mom...This- this wasn't supposed to happen yet! Tim- what- why?"

"It's... it's most likely because of the disparities between timelines," his brother says, somehow making his technical blabber sound fucking sympathetic, "i think in this timeline, since you weren’t here to stop whatever from happening…”

“…Fuck,” he hisses, flinching slightly as he hears sirens wail in the distance.

“Do you need some time alone?” Tim asks hesitantly.

Jason grits his teeth. He- he doesn’t want to leave her alone- but, but damnit, Tim. Knowing the stupid little fucker would skitter off and do something so utterlyfucking effective yet idiotic. He sucks in a breath, “Just- just give me a sec, kid. I- i need to say goodbye…”

“Okay. Take your time…”

-----

Part 1, 2, 4

and the directory

[charmikarma]

Breath as Influence and John in the Epilogues

Breath is probably one of the better understood aspects. “What is it?” someone asks – and the whole fandom is like, “Oh, Breath is about freedom and wind and detachment.” Which I don't disagree with. But I think most people miss a key piece of it – Breath as influence.

I'm no seasoned classpector, but I am a Mage of Breath, so I feel like I have a deep and personal understanding of Breath, particularly because of how it has manifested in my life. Yeah, I know, claiming I'm an authority on the subject because of my self-imposed alignment within a fake typology system makes me sound like an asshole. But I'll have to ask you to trust me, because if I start talking about my own experiences, I'll sound like even more of an asshole.

Anyway, let's kick this off with the official description of Breath, per the Extended Zodiac:

In summary: the Breath-bound are flexible, driven, detached, and maybe a little self-centered. Also, other people tend to get caught up in their personal development, which tends to make them good leaders. But the most important thing here for the point I'm making is this:

others ... feel inspired by them.

This word, inspired, has been rolling around in my brain for the past few weeks, because of its connection to Breath. Hey, did you know that “inspire” comes from Latin spirare, meaning "breathe"? And if we include the Latin prefix in-, it becomes "breathe into."

The Breath-bound have an ability to breathe into, or inspire others. They're not aware of it – after all, they are just living their lives for themselves. But wherever they go, they are inspiring people. Or, more accurately, they are influencing people. Actually, the influence of Breath goes beyond just people. I could even get meta with it (and I will. I apologize in advance). But let's start small for now.

Tavros Nitram

So, Tavros. Page of Breath. Pretty much all of Tavros's contributions to Homestuck as a story happen as a result of someone doing something to him. Vriska paralyzes him, which kickstarts the whole FLARP cycle of revenge arc. And again when the truce is broken in Act 5 Act 2, it is because Vriska kills Tavros. If this doesn't sound like influence to you, you're right. Tavros has very little influence. He's a Page, after all, and if there's one thing I know about Pages, it's that they're weak as shit until they reach their "true potential," which is pretty much always something stupidly overpowered. Y'know, like Jake overpowering Jade's first guardian powers. That was pretty batshit, I'd say.

But Tavros's contributions don't end there. He actually does reach his true Page-y potential right at the very end of Homestuck, when he gathers an army of ghosts – honestly, probably every single ghost in the furthest ring – by just talking to them. Was this something of a punchline to a very long joke? Probably. But it is also a pretty good example of the kinds of things Breath players typically do.

On a meta level, though, this argument kind of falls apart, because... As far as I can tell, the army of ghosts doesn't really do anything. Nothing important, anyway. Lord English's defeat is pretty much entirely at the hands of John, Dave, Davepetasprite^2, and alt!Calliope in the body of Jade, as described in the Epilogues. The ghost army just isn't relevant, in the end.

But you know what is relevant? Vriska.

Half the people reading this just groaned, I can feel it. Why are we talking about Vriska, a Light player, on a post about Breath?? I hear your question and I raise you this: Why the fuck is Vriska so obsessed with Breath players???? Personally, I think it's because she has an innate sense for their passive ability to decide what's relevant.

But before we get into Vriska, let's talk about John.

John Egbert

John, Heir of Breath. The protagonist of the story. In the context of my thesis of "Breath as influence," isn't it interesting that the protagonist is a hero of Breath? And even beyond that, he's an Heir, a class typically interpreted as "becoming" their Aspect, or "inheriting" it. If you find my argument compelling, you could even say John is the influence that drives the story. Which is exactly what a protagonist does - after all, what is a story without a protagonist?

This question is actually addressed in Homestuck, kind of. At some point in Act 4, Terezi manipulates John into visiting his denizen early, which gets him killed. The story is left without its protagonist, and progress grinds to a screeching halt. Jade doesn't enter the Medium and presumably dies. The reckoning never happens. Dave and Rose are trapped in a doomed timeline. They lose contact with the trolls. For what is a world without the breeze, without air, but a place of complete standstill? The story needs John to continue. Okay, it needs Rose and Dave and Jade just as much. But it's interesting that the story makes a point of John's death being the turning point that makes this particular timeline doomed.

Okay, sorry for the wait. It’s Vriska time. Vriska's driving motivation is to be relevant. She does everything in her power to steal the spotlight, which may or may not be related to the fact that she's a Thief of Light. Again, I'm not an experienced classpecter. I only really have a surface level understanding of Light. But I'm getting off topic here.

In Act 5 Act 2, Vriska starts talking to John. Why? Well, partially because she wants to compete with Terezi, who is talking to Dave. But there's also the fact that she wants to be the force responsible for Bec Noir. And also for John reaching god tier. And everything relevant really??? She's really fucking good at being relevant, I'll give her that. Or at least presenting the illusion of relevance, but that's a big topic that I think I should save for another day. Another essay, maybe. The point here is, John has a tremendous amount of influence over Things That Happen just by existing, and Vriska knows it. Maybe she torments Tavros because she senses the same sort of potential in him, but that's probably a stretch.

In any case, this is baby shit. There's better evidence than this. Let’s talk retcon powers.

You could argue that the retcon powers are separate from John's abilities related to his classpect, and on some level you'd be right. But in a game that "knows" everything that is going to happen, I have to question if extraneous powers like this are taken into consideration when Sburb "decides" what classpect it gives a player. I feel similarly about Jade's First Guardian powers. Teleportation is a pretty space-y power, in my opinion. And definitely one that... "breaks rules," I guess. Among all the other things First Guardians get to do. Once again, I'm no classpector. But Jade getting access to First Guardian powers upon reaching God Tier strikes me as very Witch of Space-y. I feel similarly about John's retcon powers - they strike me as very Heir of Breath-y.

And not just because I view Breath as influence, though that is definitely the most obvious way the retcon powers could be interpreted as Breath-y. Even on a surface level, they're pretty Breath-y. When John first talks to Roxy, he gives a whole spiel about everything he's been to up until this point, most of which is obscured by "blah blah blah." But little phrases come through occasionally, and when he starts talking about his brand new retcon powers, he uses the phrase "UNSTUCK FROM CANON." Which sounds a lot to me like "freedom from the narrative." But maybe more telling is the fact that John's quest as an Heir of Breath requires that he use his retcon powers. Getting rid of the oil, freeing the fireflies - his quest as established at the very beginning was always intended (in universe at least; I can't speak for Hussie's intentions) to be solved by his retcon powers.

So retcon powers are at the very least Breath-adjacent. What’s that got to do with Breath as influence? I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. Retcon powers are basically the ability to do whatever the fuck you want to any point of any timeline. I’d call this influence but I’d sound silly, actually. It goes way beyond influence. It’s way less subtle. I guess you could call direct intervention like this influence at its most powerful. Well, almost. There’s one step above this that John never really taps into. Which brings us to...

The Epilogues

For better or for worse, I fucking love the Epilogues. I think Candy, on its own, is a fantastic and surreal deep dive into a mind high on depression. And as for Meat, I’m an absolute sucker for metafiction and narrative fuckery. I eat that shit right up. My favorite anime is Princess Tutu, etc., etc. This is your warning: Yes, this section will contain evidence toward my claim that Breath is influence. It also doubles as an Epilogues analysis. It kind of turns into one at the end. Sorry, but I needed to get it out of my system.

So, in case you missed it, the step above retcon powers that John never taps into is direct narrative control, like we see Dirk engaging in throughout the Meat side of the Epilogues. The fact that Dirk is revealed to be the narrator of Meat begs the question: who is narrating Candy? It’s never outright stated, but it’s probably alt!Calliope. Unlike Dirk, alt!Calliope doesn’t have an agenda, as far as we’re aware. So why is Candy so fucked up and weird? Why is everyone out of character? I know this comes as a shock, but: it’s probably John’s passive influence over the narrative.

Before the Epilogues even begin, John’s been wasting away in his house all day, every day. He’s depressed as hell. Sort of dissatisfied with how artificial and "perfect" Earth C is. Some have suggested he also feels disconnected from the post-retcon versions of his friends, and I think this holds some merit. It would explain why he feels disconnected from reality in Candy.

(Candy, 11)

Depression colors your view of reality. It darkens some parts, brightens others. People who look happy will appear so to an unsettling degree. Fucked up things will appear even more fucked up. Depression ups the contrast, if you will. And that’s pretty much what happens in Candy. Jane’s pretty bad in Meat, but she’s like a billion times worse in Candy. Jade causes some awkward moments in Meat, but she is pretty much a sex pest in Candy. The positive parallels are a bit harder to find, since Meat pretty much sucks too, but you could speculate that John perceives Rosemary to be happier together than they actually are, so they’re, like, uber happy together in Candy and raising a daughter and shit. It is John’s warped perception of reality that in turn warps it beyond recognition.

This isn’t just me theorizing, by the way. There’s pretty compelling evidence to suggest that this idea is accurate to what is happening. It’s pretty clear in a conversation between (Vriska), who has just arrived on Earth C via the black hole in the furthest ring and her descendant/clone Vriska (aka Vrissy in HS:BC). The two of them stare up at the sky, pointing out clouds and what they are shaped like, when (Vriska) has a realization.

(Candy, 37)

John’s influence over the reality is so absolute, even the clouds bend to his will. I think Vriska only notices it because she’s a new arrival to Johntown. It isn’t long before she’s absorbed into the John-ness of the timeline. And then, she goes on to say exactly what I’ve been saying this whole time. Remember earlier, when I said Vriska knew that John had an incredible amount of influence over Things That Happen?

(Candy, 37)

Yeah. That wasn’t speculation.

The last thing she says, though, that he’d be relevant even if he was dead, is actually a reference to Meat. So let’s talk about it!

As we know, Meat is narrated by Dirk. Dirk’s narrative style is a lot of fun for me, personally. He’s sassy, kind of an asshole, and has no time for bullshit. The second John puts that meat in his mouth, he gets to work, pulling the strings of his little puppet show.

(Meat, 1)

He wastes no time putting words in John’s mouth, writing him out of the story of Earth C as quickly as possible. It’s almost with a sense of urgency that he pushes John to complete his mission. Which is probably necessary, seeing as the sanctity of canon relies on him going back to tie up the loose end that is Lord English. But I think Dirk has ulterior motives. I don’t think Dirk has the ability to impose his will so overbearingly with John around, because for some reason, John’s power of passive influence prevents him from doing so. Is John more powerful than Dirk, even after his ascension to Ultimate Selfhood? Maybe. I certainly think so.

But John’s pretty gullible. He’s easily influenced. He doesn’t have the same safeguard around his own mind, for some reason. Or maybe he does, and it’s just taken Dirk this long to crack him? This is speculation at this point. Not important.

So Dirk eventually kills John. Why? Well, first of all, it’s harder to control the narrative with him around. Though I speculate that’s not very important to Dirk anymore since he fucks off to who knows where around when John comes back. I think, more likely, Dirk finds John’s influence on the narrative unsavory. I mean, just look at Candy. What an absolute disaster of a timeline. Maybe his awareness is such that he knows that letting John live will result in a similar degradation of his friends’ personalities as he knows them. I can’t really say one way or another. It’d explain why he wants John’s body on the ship with him, though. Y’know, to make sure he never gets revived. And yes, he wants him on that ship. He pretty much tells Terezi outright to captchalogue his body before convincing her to join him.

(Meat, 35)

There’s one problem, though. I don’t think John being dead even erased his influence on the narrative?

(Meat, 36)

Right there at the end:

The gentle breeze is all she can hear. It’s louder than my voice, and in some understated way, makes my case for me more persuasively.

I don’t think there’s any other way to read this than the breeze representing John. This is a literal manifestation of John’s influence. I guess it could be symbolic – like Terezi doing a “what would John do?” kind of thought process. But I dunno, Dirk doesn’t strike me as that kind of narrator. Besides... It’s a little too on the nose. Say what you will about the Epilogues, but I believe a great amount of care went into them. This certainly isn’t a throwaway line.

Conclusion

Okay, sorry. I really went off the deep end into Epilogues Analysis Land there. You may have noticed that I didn’t talk about Homestuck: Beyond Canon. That’s partly because I haven’t gotten there in my reread, but mostly because I’m not yet convinced that it has – or will have – nearly the level of plot consistency of its predecessors. We’ll see, I guess.

In any case... Breath as influence, huh? There’s probably more evidence for this hidden away somewhere. I probably could have talked about Rufioh. I didn’t want to though. I also probably could have pointed out the word inspire from the Extended Zodiac thing and called it a day, but instead I blacked out and wrote this. Weird!

If you read all, uh... *checks word count* 2.7k words of this??? Jesus fuck. If you read all this, thank you for reading. I’m open to feedback! I’d love to discuss some of this more! Especially the Epilogues stuff. I have a million thoughts. Bye!

[krizariel]

"You need to stop this."

"What?" Tim said, taken aback

"You like me. I have noticed the way you look at me, the way your eyes linger when you think im not looking, how you try to advocate for me in front of Bruce or Dick. The way you always stick around. At first I thought you were just keeping an eye on me making sure I don't go batshit but I'm not an idiot. I know what that is like and you have a big fat crush."

Tim didn't assent or denied, he just stood there, unmoving.

"You need to find someone better. Someone who actually, genuinely, cares for you. I'm an asshole but I'm honest and I'm not one to play around with someone's feelings especially not someone I've come to genuinely respect. Right now, right here, I'm telling you: it's going nowhere. Deal with it however you need to and find someone worth your affections. I'm sure it's out there, it's just not me."

That was the last time Jason saw him.

…With his eyes open that is.

----

When he first heard the news, it hit harder then he let on. A mission with Batman went wrong and Tim was shot in the head. Although Bruce managed to take him to the hospital in time and he survived, he had fallen into a coma. As he stood there while Bruce reported the details, his words suddenly felt further and further until he couldn't hear anything. He didn't want this. Yet another Robin falling for the mission. But most importantly… he never got to make peace with him. Now the last thing he remember of Tim is his saddened eyes quickly turning blank and turning away. Maybe one time he had misplaced hate towards him but he doesn't feel any of it now. He had hurt him before; he didn't want to hurt him again. He thought letting him down fast and hard would be better for Tim… but maybe it was just better for himself. He could've done better but he didn't. So he did what he did when he feels he screwed up and he can't do anything about it: He focused on what he CAN do. The assholes who got Tim were still out there. They escaped while Bruce focused on saving Tim's life. So Jason didn't waste time. He knew Bruce would not rest until he found them so he offered his unsolicited assistance, with the caveat that he cannot refuse. "It's either this or I'll do it my way and we both know you'd prefer it if we do it your way."

(and so would Tim)

(If he was angrier and he broke a more bones than intended, no one said anything)

-----

At first he'd sneak during the night, seat at the further corner of the room, staring at Tim's hospital bed. The room ever so silent tormented him at first.

At first maybe it was torture. Maybe that was the reason why he'd come almost every night. Sometimes he'd doze off for an hour or two and then he'd head out the same way he came.

Later he decided… the least he could do is bring flowers. Maybe. It was too late to find a flower shop so he stole some gardenias he thought were pretty.

Another day he brought some white lilies because they seemed bright and somehow reminded him of Tim.

And so on, different kind of flowers made their way to Tim's bedside table.

(Jason finally found himself inside a flower shop almost at closing time, browsing flowers)

It finally hit him that he doesn't know what Tim's favorite flower is. He thought…that is something he would like to ask him when he wakes up.

Slowly, he found himself getting closer to the bed, keeping the flowers watered and seating in silence, just reading. Somehow knowing that Tim's heart was still beating was good enough. Months passed and this became his routine.

Sometimes, he'd just seat beside Tim's bed to tell him about his day; sometimes he'd read for him some of his own favorite stories (and wondered what did Tim like to read for leisure? what were his favorite books?)

Sometimes he's just have a shitass day and sneak around to Tim's room. No one ever thinks to look for him there. Great hiding place.

Sometimes he feels like talking about his past, his present and wistful future.

And sometimes he wonders if any of it reaches Tim's subconscious, somehow.

He started thinking about Tim opening his eyes. He is starting to forget how he looks awake, fighting or working. It is then that he decided to just loook for photos of Tim… just about any he could find in files or at the mansion. Alfred had quite a few, most of them were of younger Tim.

There were some others of older Tim in the news (Thank you Vicky!) And that brough him back to the last memory he has of Tim's bright blue eyes, clearly heartbroken.

And so he wonders if he could be given another chance to see him again.

If he was granted another chance, he promised this time he'd do anything to make him smile instead.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty." Jason greeted him as he bumped his forehead to Tim's. This close he could see those pretty eyelashes, pretty and still unmoving. But could also feel a bit of Tim's warmth and that was enough. He couldn't help himself and hopes Tim would forgive him for that.

It's been over a year, but Jason hopes. It finally happened, not long afterwards. Tim's eyes finally fluttered open.

"Who are you?"

Part 2 Part 3

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog: Wakfu Season 1 (episode 20, The Tree of Life)

I like to think he was looking for any sign of Armand being a sussy baka, or, alternatively, Armand being actually worried about the things he's been told.

Sadly, Joris finds neither.

I like to think that Joris and Amalia&Eva have a good pre-established relationship for the following reason: it's shown to be good enough for him to get onto the balcony and for them to be immediately happy about it, instead of going "what the hell are you doing here?" or "were you spying on us? (he was. even if it is for the good of the world.)"

Maybe that's another reason Armand hates him — besides Joris insisting on the instructions that were given to him and not bowing down to Armand's ~power~ — Joris may be a yet another person who likes his sister more.

Btw Joris is doing batshit insane tower climbing again, just like in the Ush comic.

Never change, king.

Get ready for my deep, deep, insightful commentary into what the fact that Joris believes that no issue is insolvable implies within the context of his "has seen countless human deaths" life:

I think I hauve covid.

Do you think one of the solutions that he has for issues is to wait it out and watch, as the walls of the prison that are "circumstances of life", start to decay?

Translation from politespeak: "I am going to cause a political incident with your cringe brother to help you tell your father about Nox's plans."

I love how ready he is to beat people up. And to cause a political incident.

Joris after getting down from the balcony railing, now suddenly very much below everyone in the room, in a matter of fact voice: After I slam the tree stump on the floor to create a loud sound, — and probably damage said floor, sorry, — you are going to scream that the iop returned. I will keep hitting random things until they run in. When the guards do run in, I beat them to unconsciousness with my magic wand. You can also hit them if you want, — yes, yes, you can use the candelabra, or any other metal object in the room, — but do not hit them on the head without me! It's very easy to accidentally kill a person, when you're not used to beating them to unconscious on a relatively regular basis.

Bugs when you lift a rock.

God knows, Joris is extremely aware of how bad the thing he just did is, and how much trouble he'll be in afterwards. God also knows that Joris probably doesn't give a shit.

The little slam... The commanding voice... He's everything.

When Joris is this polite, he is either angry as fuck and can't do anything about it, or angry as fuck and about to beat you to death.

This little "I insist" is so uncalled-for. He's just mocking them at this point, considering what he is about to do.

Something I really noticed this time around, is that Joris really likes kicking things. He kicked Pinpin, he kicked these guys... This is a trait he gets from Kerubim, sure, but he takes kickmaxxing to another level by, very cockily, doing half this battle with his hands behind his back on a simple whim.

He is the same exact type of an insane, prideful asshole as Kerubim. It maddens me when people think he's actually humble and normal just because of his introversion and more low-key facade.

He may not scream "I'm smarter and better and stronger than every loser in this room" outwardly like his father, but exudes the same exact noxious aura nonetheless.

You know why I also think Joris thinks of Amalia and Eva well?

He put this little show on, — fighting two simple guards with pirouettes, hands behind his back, and a little touch of magic, — just for them. We know what he actually fights like when he means it. And it has none of this insanity.

You see, he points out his ability to fight off an army of simple, normal people, all alone. And on one hand it's just reassuring Eva and Amalia that they have nothing to fear...

...and on the other hand, it makes me think he likes it when random teenagers think he's cool and awesome.

Even though this blog is crepinjurgen-focused, I want to say that this is one of my favorite wakfu episodes. This scene always makes me tear up.

Anyway do you think Joris just carries with him ropes to tie enemies with whenever he goes — or did he take a rope from somewhere within the castle? How often does this happen? Does he do this as a torture method too? Does he—- [I am removed by the secret police by being way too insane today]

Still using vous, despite hating his ass.

[guy who made a blog that's 33% dedicated to talking about doomed siblings] Yeah it's so sad that even Tot doesn't understand Clephee's potential, and how insane her relationship with Eva is. Imagine loving your sibling, but they never feel good enough, and they keep leaving you. They turn everything into competition, never celebrate your wins because they feel like their losses. Imagine speaking so little — being so distant, that when you have a happy dream of that sibling, it's them as a child, way back before. And imagine that this sibling wants to turn you into a fur coat— [I am electrocuted]FHDSJHDFJKsdhfsdhfERR-

There are so many people unconscious and Joris is actually freaking the fuck out, which makes me think that, for the past 10-20 minutes in-universe, he and Armand have been doing the Joris whack-a-mole thing.

Like, Joris is actually alarmed/bewildered by the fact that Armand will literally not listen to a single fucking word and just keeps mindlessly punching the floor.

Is he insane? Is he for real?

At this point, he's worried for the guy's health. This has been happening for a while. He sounds scared.

Like Armand keeps hurting himself in his attempts to beat Joris up and it's scaring Joris shitless because it's actually starting to get a little bit weird and off-putting.

Yet he turns around so nonchalantly.

[notroosterbradshaw]

That 100 different kisses list has me thinking about 80 with Rooster 😵‍💫

PROMPT: 80. crashing your lips together during an argument

thank you for this, Anna, angst with fluff for you xx

“I just don't fucking get it,” you muttered after Rooster. He pushed open the door, conscious of you behind him, holding the door so it wouldn’t hit you in his frustration, and you followed him out of the bar and he stomped to the car. “I was not flirting with him - I mean, not the way you 'talk to girls at the bar',” you petulantly used the latter part of the sentence in air quotes just to belittle him a bit more and he threw his hands up, frustrated. “I didn't even accept the drink!”

He stopped and spun to look at you, his eyes dark with rage. “He asked for your number.”

“Again, I didn't give it to him. What did you see that I didn't?” you begged to know. You didn't accept a drink, and you didn't give him your number, it didn't seem deeper than that. Rooster was usually much more comfortable in his own skin and was happy for you to chat with anyone at the bar. “I get to leave with the hottest guy in the bar and you think I'm entertaining the thought of cheating on you... while you're mere meters away?” you were baffled.

He chewed his lip, the cool night air calming a little after the stifling heat in the bar. “He asked for your number while I was standing next to you.”

“And you threatened to put your fist down his throat,” you added.

“And you’re angry at that?” he asked incredulously. “I'm in the wrong here?” he was seething.

“Oh, I get it now. You don't understand why you're the bad guy when you threaten violence to a guy that's hitting on me - and getting nothing, for the record - who walks away like you and I are both batshit crazy?”

He rolled his eyes, digging his keys from his pocket to your car, the Bronco getting the night off. “This is bullshit.”

"No, it's not. You're acting like an asshole and I called you out on it, so you’re having a 34-year-old’s version of a tantrum. I can't even imagine the ramifications if you followed through," you continued. 

“Do you ever fucking stop?” he asked, opening the passenger side, and in grandiose form, pleading you get in the car. “Ma'am, you piece of shit chariot awaits.”

“Fuck's sake, you don't have to take it out on the car, Bradley,” you snipped at him, getting in as he slammed the door behind you. You buckled up just in time for him to slide into the driver's seat and he harshly adjusted the seat and mirrors.

“Jesus Christ,” he started the car, whipping his belt on.

“Oh, my God,” you rolled your eyes, kicking your heels off and putting your feet on the dash. The overreaction was just spectacular. 

“Look,” he pressed the ignition, the car roaring to life. He cursed the music that you were both listening to on the trip here and bashed at the volume mute until it behaved. “I don’t want any guy to feel comfortable around you enough to think that you’re available to them.”

“That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” you muttered. “Just drive home. I can’t deal with you anymore tonight. I thought this was going okay, but clearly, we’re on two very different pages here. I’m not going to be possessed by you. You don’t own me, or who I talk to, whether you think I’m leading them on or not. This is about you, not me.”

“I’m in love with you, fuck,” he exclaimed. “Can’t you see that? I don’t want whatever this casual thing is, I want us. You flirting with other guys makes me think I’m fucking drowning and you don’t feel the same,” he didn’t look at you. 

You didn’t look at him, but you sure heard him. The silence in the car was deafening. You’d yet to say those words and although you didn’t want to be casual with Bradley at all, this wasn’t exactly the way you wanted him to tell you he was in love with you - mid-argument. “You’re so fucking ridiculous,” you told him.

“I tell you I love you, and I’m ridiculous?” his tone still rough.

“Do you think that telling me you love me while you’re degrading me is fair?” you yelled.

“Well, no,” he admitted, his hands clutching the steering wheel, knuckles white.

“Fuck, I love you too,” you sighed, rubbing your face and finally turning to look at him, looking right back at you, eyes searching your face desperately. And before you could speak again, his hands drew around the back of your neck and brought you to him, kissing you like his life depended on it - like you were his air. He felt your body and sighed as he felt the seatbelt, releasing it and pulling you closer to him. 

“I love you,” he breathed. “I’m so in love with you. Please tell me you feel the same?” he pulled your hair, panting as he rested his forehead against yours. He knew his actions didn’t represent his feelings and realised he may have ruined everything before it even began.

“I love you, Bradley, I do,” you kissed him deeply, the adrenaline waning and he kissed your forehead. “Please don’t act like that again. I don’t like when you’re jealous. It’s not endearing at all.”

“I won’t,” he promised. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“I love you,” you reaffirmed for him. He sighed and smiled. Your Bradley returning to you. He kissed you again, gentle and loving

[captainjacklyn]

Hey, yo, you probably saw me on one of your posts. I was wondering if you could do the arcana twilight characters reacting to reader training Precious to destroy sisuris's balls l, I'm so sorry for this post, but I had to. You could skip if you want to. Also, sorry for misspelling sisuris name.

HAHAHAHAGHDJWEH- no worries my friend, there is absolutely no harm done on your part, I'm glad you enjoy that crack shit post and I hope you enjoy reading this one as much as I enjoyed writing it.

character(s) : spica, alpheratz, arcturus, pollux, vega

warning(s) : someone's balls being obliterated, a feral ferret and a vengeful summoner that just wants to see blood.

Spica

Speechless and just straight up lost, man is just looking at us for a good minute before continuing to walk down the aisle like nothing happened.

for reference his face looked like this :

He says nothing, he's just confused and tells himself that he needs coffee thinking he's hallucinating due to all the work he has to do.

don't even bother explaining, Spica will pass out and Precious is going to take that opportunity to destroy.

"Wrong target Precious I'm not letting you hurt rapunzel."

"AHDJEREJHR !"

Alpheratz

Hype man right here, he's literally helping you coach that killing machine to end Sirius.

Precious actually stops trying to rip his wig off and is now accepting him as a friend, sort of.

I love this trio ! A batshit crazy animal, their batshit insane owner and the owner's boyfriend who hates the same person they hate.

Once precious is released into the city to found that sexy gun man, it's over for him.

It crawls it's way through the streets, hissing at anything in it's way until it finds the legs of the enemy..and CRUNCH GOES THE BALLS OF THE ASSHOLE-

*screams in agony*

Arcturus

[Name] I don't think you have to- "HAJSKFBEFUEKR-"

Precious held on to his leg for a week, it didn't wanna let go for even a minute. Had to constantly keep this ginger man in a hospital because the moment he got out he would bleed extensively.

Once it got off of him, you just continued to train your unhinged creature.

Precious is really going balls out for the game I'll tell ya that, we're not just speaking about the nutcracker here we're talking about the sacrifice of future generations as well.

This poor dude is just standing on the sidelines like : you don't have to do this but I still support you because that's really all I can do...

Pollux

Oh he means business.

We got another coach right here- bro is going to ANNIHILATE sirius and whatever is left.

Although he keeps wincing whenever it actually happens, I mean they're both guys he knows just how painful it can get.

It's really terrifying to be honest just witnessing something that violent.

I mean who would expect this :

to act like THIS :

That's pollux trying to hold it, Precious is completely calm and rational with it's beloved owner.

Vega

._.

wut ?

like Spica, he will stand there, but not like Spica, he will remain standing there for a very long time.

Even Precious stops bitting the plastic toy that now looks like it's been shredded, even you stop encouraging your cute psychopath of a beast.

why are you giving it more attention ? HIIIIIISSSSSSSS-

He doesn't give a shit, we all know just how much of a simp he gets when it comes to you.

I love how I skipped the part where Precious tried to lunge at him and remove his eyeballs from his eye sockets.

You luckily managed to avoid that, but now you got an animal and a touch-starved white boy clinging onto you for dear life.

Vega I need to proceed with my ferret's training so could you please ? no. ...You're lucky you're just as adorable as my electric saw. BFUKETGEHTK$#$ PRECIOUS STOP SWEARING-

Have a good day I hope you liked it.

[firthbetterorfirthworse]

Unleashing Mr. Darcy (2016)

I watched this Hallmark movie so you don't have to

And I'm going to tell you allllllllllllll about it so you can suffer along with me and are never tempted to watch.

TL;DR: woman meets man, hates him for no reason, holds on to that hate for ages, then they kiss the end

Cute Whitebread Woman (AKA Liz) is a high school teacher. We know she has Morals because the Asshole Parents of a star lacrosse player try to bribe her to change his grade so he can continue on the team and she says no. This gets her suspended.

She has a dog. She is spending her birthday showing her beloved dog at a dog show. I think this is supposed to set up how she is Sad and In Need Of Love, but it honestly sounds boss and she seems quite happy.

The new judge, Generic Handsome White DudeTM (AKA Donovan Darcy) expressed mild annoyance that she wasn't paying attention and was late to her showing (valid) and when he said "Fine eyes...shame about the freckles though" she thought for 5 seconds he was saying it about her instead of, you know, her dog that he's being paid to judge. This is enough to cement her eternal dislike, even though she admits to her sister Jenna that a lot of it was just about him sounding like Asshole Parent.

Her suspension turns into a firing because one of the Asshole Parents sits on the board, so she takes her mom's friend up on the offer to come stay with her in New York and be the handler for her dogs at shows for a few months. Surprise, Darcy lives across the street. She is very antagonistic toward him, even though Darcy asks if she's always so hostile.

"We have a mutual dislike!" she insists, while everyone denies there is any possibility of Darcy disliking her.

He invites them over to meet his new puppies. Darcy is not there, but they meet bitchy Aunt Darcy and someone named Felicity, who Aunt Darcy insinuates is about to marry Darcy. Liz believes this even though her mom's friend (I'm not confident I ever caught her name) snorts with laughter.

She also met his teenage sister Zara, who cozies up to Liz and admits that Darcy wanted to see her but Aunt Darcy made up an emergency to get her out of the house. (why??? Aunt Darcy had never heard of her. Does she just isolate him from everyone who isn't Felicity?)

Btw, Asshole Parent is suing Liz, saying that she was the one who solicited the bribe. Darcy is concerned when he runs into her and she's crying. She insists she isn't, is very rude, and runs away.

Seriously. Mom's friend, who is friends with Darcy: He doesn't like this other girl, he likes you Darcy's sister: He hates this other girl, he likes you Liz's sister Jenna: I'm dating his best friend, who says he doesn't like this other girl and he likes you Liz: Idk he's probably with this other girl but I don't care because he definitely hates me

Mom's friend maneuvers Liz into being at the groomers at the same time as Darcy. They have a whole Moment, after a dog that doesn't even come up to their knees somehow shakes off enough water to splash their hair and faces, so he tenderly dries her off.

Surprise! Darcy is Very Rich and Important, so the tabloids caught pictures of this moment! Since Felicity has told the tabloids they are together, he's being labeled as a cheater.

Bitch Aunt is super pissed. She insists he needs a proper wife for his head of the charity foundation Lifestyle. Liz is upset and agrees to stay away from him, even though her mom's friend points out how absolutely batshit insane of a viewpoint this is in the modern world.

Did I mention that Bitch Aunt also shows dogs? When her dogs lose to Liz, she claims there is a conflict of interest with Darcy dating one of the handlers and even though Darcy is like "fine I won't judge then" Liz quits her job.

Darcy is like hey don't go home yet. I've protested the decision. If you feel like you're freeloading in the meantime, then you can work for me - puppysit while we go out of town for a week.

"You keep surprising me," says Liz, astonished that Regular Human Man is just a Regular Human Man and not the UltraDick she assumed him to be on no basis whatsoever.

Her sister Jenna begs her to come to some charity gala with her, so she does and surprise! It's Darcy's estate/party! She walks in to see him coming out of the pool (again they got Darcy wet I'm so right about this) She tries to leave but he tells her he wants her to stay.

When the gala starts, he tells her she takes his breath away and asks her to dance. I think this is where she might be realizing that he doesn't hate her (fucking finally)

Asshole Parent is at the gala too, and is like "be sure to watch your wallet with her Darcy, she once tried to pick mine." Darcy is like "do you know him?" and she runs away. Asshole Parent tries to confront her but Darcy takes her side and throws him out. "I've ruined your party" she says, for a few minutes of awkwardness that only a few people noticed. "Your aunt and felicity invited him here because they want me gone." "Well let's shut 'em up," he says, "let's shut 'em all up" and then he KISSES her. IN A CROWDED ROOM. I might care more if there was any chemistry between them.

Everybody gasps and claps. He kicks out Bitch Aunt and Felicity for good measure, for inviting the asshole in, but Liz still leaves the party and goes upstairs to her room. Her sister Jenna overhears her love interest trying to get Darcy to confess to his feelings, but he is not having it, so Jenna gets incredibly upset and convinces Liz to leave (?)

Darcy stops her outside the taxi, has a heartfelt confession of feelings. Says he loves her. Liz tells him to leave her alone.

He writes a heartfelt letter, which she insists is just a rich boy throwing a tantrum for something he couldn't have (honey you've been throwing a tantrum for the entire movie, get over yourself)

Guess what? Her old job calls! They've gotten new info about Asshole Parents, which allows them to hire her back with a 20% raise and kick them off the board. Darcy is the one who saved her job. (she does not take the job, because Morals)

Liz's mom tells her that she looked into Darcy and found out he gives away more money than anyone else in the state of New York. Liz finally starts to believe he is a good guy, even though none of this is new information and in fact was told to everyone about twenty minutes into the movie. In fact it's not until Jenna's love interest shows up and sweeps her off her feet and admits that Darcy was the one who urged him to follow his heart that Liz is like "Darcy? has a heart? omg I love him"

She leaves him some voicemails but he doesn't respond, because he dropped off the grid when she broke his heart. She even moves to New York and job search there in case he calls her back.

He doesn't.

But she runs into him at a dog show! He tells her he listened to the voicemails and her confession of love and they talk about their feelings for like 3 or 4 minutes, standing there holding hands IN FRONT OF A CROWD WHO IS WAITING FOR HIM TO JUDGE THIS DOG THAT'S JUST SITTING THERE.

They kiss. Everyone claps. They break off, embarrassed, realizing they're standing in front of a crowd, aaaaaaaaand then they go back to kissing.

End.

[eriexplosion]

5 6 7 10 for Star Wars violence 👀

OKAY TIME FOR THE VIOLENCE (I don't know how actually violent these opinions are but pretend I am Very Vicious)

5. Worst blorboficiation?

sdfsdifj REGRETTABLY... OBI-WAN.... I love the man but fandom characterizations definitely show some Popular Guy Character Syndrome where it's all about how sad and tormented he is and while I respect that as a lover of tormented men, it is certainly an experience when you're like, reading a CodyWan fic and Cody is comforting Obi-Wan through his tragic past like he's never gone through anything difficult in his life. Also some of Obi-Wan's fun edges are sanded off, he's more generically sassy but considerate of others feelings and kind, etc, and like. He's not UNkind. But this is a man that faked his death and did not tell his emotionally unstable best friend like that was going to do anything but drive Anakin absolutely batshit insane. He watched like ten clones in a row die without a reaction and then the instant a Jedi died they all had to stop for a funeral. He tried to get Luke to kill Vader WITHOUT telling him who he was. He's kind of an idiot and can be kind of an asshole. Let him hurt people's feelings! Let him be socially inept! He is a dipshit not a harmless weep blob!

(This ties in with my desire to see CodyWan fic where they straight up get in a fight but is not ENTIRELY connected to that)

6. Opinion on canon and/or fanon use of the secret child trope? Discuss.

It works for Luke and Leia and I think it should have stayed at that. I'm not a big fan of the Palpatine reveal for Rey but I didn't want her to be a Skywalker either, sometimes you want a main that is Just Some Guy, doesn't need to be a secret child of anyone. In fanon I just REALLY do not like it, partially because it's plugging in a blood relation where it doesn't need to be. The other part is that I have mostly seen it for Obi-Wan and Satine with that Korkie kid and with how utterly repressed those two are at each other I refuse to believe they ever successfully fucked.

7. What is the weakest piece of canon writing?

It feels like cheating to say the sequel trilogy mostly because I never finished it so a thing that I definitely finished and loved but makes no sense - AOC is not the strongest movie but ROTS was like, fully just a series of cool scenes stitched together to approximate a movie. And don't get me wrong, I adore the prequels. But the only one that I think succeeds as a Movie is TPM. ANAKIN'S FALL ESPECIALLY IS NONSENSICAL AS SHIT. Like the underlying motivations are there but they were not pieced into anything resembling a coherent narrative. You have a start point, an end point, and everything in between just kind of jumps around with I think the weakest point being the Tusken Massacre - it's treated more like a sign of Anakin's potential darkness than anything when like. That's a whole village. He killed a whole village and it never comes up again! Lucas apparently didn't consider it that big a deal!

It's to a point where I actually think the massacre can't be addressed from a fully in universe perspective, because there's no actual way to twist it around so that it makes sense for that not to be enough to Make Anakin Fall without breaking the already very loose rules of the universe. Most other Star Wars points I can figure out some kind of justification for how it works in world, but to explain how Anakin wouldn't fall here you just have to kind of confront that Lucas is both not a very good writer and also approached the Tuskens with an incredibly racist viewpoint given that he doesn't appear to see their deaths as fully Counting, unlike the Jedi younglings in ROTS. It's a plot choice that, if treated with the full weight it would narratively deserve, completely unravels the entire rest of the series, the only way to make the storyline of everything else WORK is to take it out or change it so much as to be an entirely different scenario, and I can't think of any other things that fuck it up THAT bad.

10. What’s a ship you've unwillingly come around to?

I think 'unwillingly' is overstating it (but then I rarely DISLIKE a ship, so there's usually not much Unwillingly about it) but I thought Tech/Phee was cute at most until everyone started being Like That about them. Now I want them to kiss and get married onscreen. I hope that she hits that every night. Phee deserves whatever she wants.

Also Anakin/Padme probably counts because I did not actually go into the clone wars watch WANTING to love Anakin but Whoops. WHOOPS. So that meant I got An Affection for the two of them in all their messy stupid as shit glory.

[maitaiwiththecorpses]

Today I experienced ferocious protectiveness for the first time in my life.

Yesterday, someone made an inappropriate and racist comment towards me (I'm very used to this- it happens a lot to me) and I decided to not respond to it. I ignored the comment and told the teacher running the class about the guy and what he said.

This is where the ferocious protectiveness kicks in.

This teacher, who's known me for two and a half days immediately jumps into 'holy shit that's totally not ok for him to say' mode, instead of brushing me off and saying that I'm probably overreacting. When I tried to lighten the mood I said I was very used to these kinds of comments and she. Went. Batshit. She said (and I quote), "That's fucked up. No one should ever be used to receiving racist and hateful comments. This will not happen in my class again."

I proceeded to walk out of her class and cry my eyes out. This is the first time I've witnessed ferocious protectiveness and it felt so oddly safe and comforting in a way that I've never gotten before that I broke down in tears.

My friend finds me crying and immediately asks me what's happened. I tell her the story and she's absolutely losing her mind- "who the fuck does he think he is?" and, "he doesn't even know you, godammit," flies out of her mouth. She wraps me in a giant hug and I pull it together. I don't think too much about this and go on with my day.

My other friend, who goes to a different school hears about this when I tell him about my day. "wtf that's so shitty" and "you should have kicked him in the BALLS" are his immediate reactions. He promises to stuff the guy in a locker should he ever see him.

I'm very taken aback by this reaction. My friend is a very gentle person and it's usually me, not him, who's proposing violence as an option. (Read: I'm typically the ferociously protective one- not him.)

Later today, I get two texts from my teachers from LAST YEAR. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm very close with them and I do text them regularly, but I didn't think they'd hear about this. Remember hug friend from above? She told them. In the span of two hours I get one text from my Spanish teacher: "who tf is messing with you??? I hope you hang them by their underwear." And my favorite teacher, my history and english teacher, who said, WITH NO CONTEXT, "tell this asshole he needs to fuck off and move along."

NOTE: MY ENGLISH TEACHER RARELY SWEARS.

I am so taken aback by these texts, so completely out of the blue and more ferocious than what I typically see from these teachers that I'm immediately pulled back into that feeling of being safe and comforted and not being alone. These people who see me every day, twice a week, once every few months care so much about me and it's such a new experience that I was not expecting at all. I'm incredibly grateful for these people in my life and I know when the time came they would do it again for me, as would I.

[gaily-daily-musings]

PR!agent Mobius is assigned to help Loki's image after the celebrity's latest disaster. No one in the firm understands Mobius' little *crush* on the guy. Loki is batshit insane. Drugs, sex, wild escapades in Europe, you name it he's done it. There's even an old rumor he killed a man once. Allegedly.

He's a movie star, a musician, a model, a fashion designer. He's even been a guest on RuPaul's drag race. He goes by one name: Loki. No last name. He's cool like that.

After his latest stunt, Loki is in need of digging out the hole he's dug for himself. And once again, his PR team is saddled with an impossible task. Enter Mobius. The newest member of the team as less and less people are willing to work for the flamboyant celebrity.

Mobius rides up the elevator to the penthouse rooftop with B15. (Does she have a fanon name???) Mobius thought he was doing good keeping his excitement under wraps but Bea scoffs at him.

"Try not to fanboy over him too much." Bea says, rolling her eyes.

"When have I ever not been a true professional Bea?"

"Hmm."

It's only ever been a passing fancy. Less than that even. For what hope did a glorified office worker like Mobius have with the god of mischief himself? Loki had a string of conquests. All far more interesting and powerful than Mobius could ever hope to be. He wasn't delusional. He was just an analyst. Mobius was aware that he isn't the most handsome either. He's got wrinkles. Gray hair. No muscle.

They get to the top at the penthouse. It was as extravagant as the man himself. Gold and green decor everywhere. They find Loki lounging by the pool. He is an absolute vision in Gucci shades.

"Mr. Loki, this is Mobius. Your new PR agent."

Mobius holds up a hand to wave. He knows Loki doesn't do handshakes.

Loki looks at him under the brim of his sunglasses. He gives his suit and brown pants a disgusted once over.

"Swell." He deadpans.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Mobius steps a bit closer. "I'm thrilled we'll get to work together."

"Lemme guess, you're a fan?" Green eyes sweep over him again. Judging coldly.

"Well, fan can be a bit harsh in context…"

"He's the best in the agency." Bea assures Loki. She gives Mobius a sharp look, telepathically telling him to tune his eagerness down.

"Right," Loki says.

Bea leaves and Mobius suggests they get to work. Loki pitters around the penthouse getting another drink as Mobius pulls up his file on his laptop.

"I think we should start with your Twitter. Best stay off the whole thing entirely for a while until interest dies down."

The last tweet had been a doozy. Loki had called out a well-beloved actor calling them a donkey who couldn't act for shit. Loki just didn't really think his posts through a whole lot. Especially while drunk. He'd made quite a few spelling mistakes.

"Whatever." Comes the reply.

"Also I think an apology sooner rather than later would be best in this case and–"

"I'm not apologizing." Loki hisses. "That asshole had it coming! He can die in a ditch somewhere!"

Mobius keeps his lips from twitching up. "That's the kind of thing you shouldn't be posting."

"I'm the only one with the balls to say it!"

"Be that as it may, it doesn't look good."

Loki rolls his eyes, though it was hard to see from the sunglasses.

"I don't give a damn about my reputation."

This time Mobius does smile. "Living in the past, it's a new generation."

Loki pauses, staring at him in confusion. Mobius clears his throat awkwardly.

"It's…it's a song, nevermind. So, anyway, for apology ideas we can either go with text or video. Personally I think video is always a nice touch because…"

"What was it? The movie or the band?"

"Hmm?"

"That made you a fan?"

Mobius smiles. "That's irrelevant."

Loki tilts his head. "Is it? You know most people who work for me don't like me."

"You're a very polarizing individual. Speaking of which, the apology video–"

"People who claim to like me are just wanting to fuck me or get fucked by me. You strike me as a bottom from the top kind of guy."

Loki's sunglasses have slid down his long nose. He leans into Mobius' space. When had he gotten so close?

"Mr. Loki I am here to help you. My only ulterior motives are to get paid in the process."

Loki squints. Then he huffs and plops down on the chair across him.

"I'm not doing an apology."

Mobius sighs. "You need to show the people that you can be sympathetic."

"I don't need anyone to understand me let alone sympathize with me!" He slumps over in his chair and curls into it like a languid cat.

Mobius pauses. "No. Perhaps not. But it is nice to be understood. For someone else to get us fully."

Loki's gaze flickers.

"You have so much raw talent within you Loki. Talent that has been crushed and cut and ripped away. By circumstance and cruel injustice, by the weight of fame and fortune. But I truly believe that you are worth more than what you think you deserve."

Loki is quiet. His green eyes are visible over the tops of his glasses. For a few moments he is open and soft. And then something hardens and his lips turn down.

"So that's why you're here. You wanted a little project."

"I don't want to fix you, Loki." He says gently. Carefully. "I just want to help other people see the real you."

Loki stands, sliding his sunglasses back up on his head. His kimono falls around his figure perfectly.

"I've always been 'the real me.' If you think for one moment you're going to change any of that you can fuck off!"

Loki storms away.

Mobius sighs. They've got a long way to go. The problem was Loki was too guarded. And Mobius was too fond. He could recognize that at least. It took almost nothing for him to drop the "mister" and call him Loki. He was coming on too familiar. He can't help it. Loki felt familiar to him. This didn't feel like a first meeting. It felt like chatting up an old friend. A friend who was in trouble and was too proud to admit he needed help.

"It was the first time you went to rehab." He calls after him. "When I became a fan."

Loki stops and turns. There's tension between his shoulders.

"I don't pay much attention to celebrities. Not unless I need to for my job. I don't know their childhoods or who they're married to. I don't follow their careers. But when I heard Loki, The Loki, was attending rehab I became curious."

"That was over ten years ago."

Mobius nods. "I know. And I've been watching ever since. Your highs and lows. Quite a lot of lows. But you always picked yourself back up. Despite everything. Despite the backlash. And you always gave as good as you got. That's pretty admirable in my book."

Loki folds his arms, leaning back against the kitchen counter. His smile is a knife.

"Many have tried to get under my skin." He says slowly, a growl in his voice "You think you'll be the one to break me?"

"I don't want to tame you Loki." Mobius says. It's still too fond. But he can't help himself. He just loves him. "I just want to help you realize your full potential."

And then finally, finally Loki relaxes. His guarded demeanor changes as swift as evening to night.

"Alright Mr. Agent man, what do you suggest?"

Mobius opens his mouth.

"–and NO apologies!"

Mobius closes his mouth.

-

Over the course of their burgeoning friendship Loki starts to put the moves on Mobius. Calling him Mobi and testing the man's limits and his patience. Loki's hands always seem to stay towards Mobius' tie. Tightening or loosening or flattening it. Mobius takes great care to never wear the same one twice.

Mobius knows better than to accept any of his advances. He was a professional. Also part of him was convinced Loki was just doing it as some sort of prank. He couldn't possibly be interested for real.

In the meantime, Mobius' brain starts short circuiting and desperately trying to stay on task whenever Loki decides that today was a "no underwear" kind of day and walks around in nothing but a long t-shirt. Miraculously Mobius manages. Loki in turn is intrigued and frustrated by this man who seemingly ignores all of his amazing flirting skills. Rude. He must have him.

At some point Loki takes Mobius with him to a photoshoot. He's launching his summer line of clothing. He looks incredible as always. Mobius just stands there like some dumb struck fool as Loki poses for the camera.

As the cameraman snaps pictures he silently watches and captures the soft glances Loki throws Mobius' way. Holy shit these two are in love.

-

The photos are released and an article is written. It's the first time Mobius has found himself the subject of a scandal.

-

"Have you fucked him?" Val asks Loki out of the blue. Her brow is raised in accusation.

"What? No! Of course not."

"What do you mean of course not? You literally don't have any standards!"

"Do too!"

"Didn't you used to date a guy who referred to himself as the Grandmaster?"

Loki winces. "In my defense I was drunk. And high. A little bit of both."

"For three months??"

"...yes."

Val rolls her eyes.

-

"Your nail polish looks lovely today by the way." Mobius tells him.

Loki hums pleasantly. "I bet you say that to all your clients."

-

Whenever someone compliments Loki, it's about his eyes. His face. His body. It's about his tongue, the lies he can spin on screen behind a camera. (Or behind closed doors as well). But Mobius says that he is brilliant with the upmost sincerity. Loki doesn't even know where to begin with that kind of genuineness.

"...I mean, you graduated top of your high school and attended Harvard with cum laude honors! You're so clever Loki!"

Loki's cheeks are red. He's distantly aware he's blushing. He can't remember the last time he's done that.

"Thank you." He says stupidly.

-

Today was a booty shorts and crop top day. Loki lay stretched out over Mobius' lap. Mobius moves to take a drink from his mug. Loki moves causing Mobius to accidentally spill cold coffee on his belly. Mobius hurriedly wipes it off.

"It's fine. I've had worse fluids on me." Loki sits up, inching closer. Mobius pulls away. A frown is plastered on his face. Loki feels exasperated.

"One kiss won't hurt you, you know." Loki says.

"There are ways other than sex to show affection." Mobius replies like Loki is a toddler. "Like pancakes! I can make you some breakfast."

Then he actually gets up to do so. Loki is left feeling sexually frustrated. But then later when he's presented with a smiley face pancake with whipped cream he can't deny the warmth in his chest.

-

(Guys I don't know how they get together. I didn't think about this very hard this isn't even a fic, this is just a discombobulated ramble give me a BREAK)

-

Mobius tends to ramble when they have sex. But it's not exactly porn star worthy dirty talk. It's quite simple to be honest.

"So good!" He'll moan, head thrown back as Loki sucks him. "So, so good! You're so good!"

He'll get stuck on that word. Good. As if Loki really is that. Not just a good lay, but a good person.

It was kind of endearing actually. Loki thinks he likes Mobius' boring brand of dirty talk. And more than that he likes the wrecked look he can make of the older man with his tie askew and face still so conflicted. Like this was wrong and they should stop. And yet they keep going.

It's not the best sex he's ever had. In fact it's rather vanilla by comparison. But Mobius holds him so tenderly when they fuck, so awestruck, that Loki feels his heart race.

Loki likes it best when he rides him up and down. Squeezing every last drip of cum out of him.

[bravopotato]

If I have to walk my fucking dog again I'm going to attempt

Context: My mom asks me to walk the dog bc my sister and brother don't ever wanna (Which pisses me off bc my brother dropped out of highschool freshman year I think and hasn't picked up a fucking job and just stays home and.. Games all day ig and my sister had gotten a job but right after her first shift decided that she won't work again but WON'T tell them so my coworkers have asked about her and it's fucking humiliating and it's just like AGGG. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE??) Anyways yea

So I walk her every fucking time bc my sister always refuses (My mom doesn't ask my bro a lot bc they kinda have a silent fued going on sooooo.... Yea, she gave up on that but sometimes she'll ask)

Anyways the only reason I do it is so the stupid fucking baby wont shit in the house and like.. Not her fault. It's a fucking animal. But also every single time a fucking moving organism moves around her she goes fucking nuts and it's like STYA THE FUCK AWAY FROM PEOPLE I DON'T WANT THEM TO TALK TO ME I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WALK YOUR DUMB ASS I JUST DO IT BC WHO ELSE WILL??? AND IT'S SO OVERSTIMULATING SO AT HOME I'M JUST FUCKING MISREBLE AND LIKE SUUUUUURE MAYBE I'M A FUCKING HERMIT BUT AT LEAST I ACTUALLY GO TO MY FUCKING JOB AND WOULD ACTUALLY, OH I DUNNO, COMMUNICATE TO THEM IF I HAD A FUCKING ISSUE OR IF I WASN'T READY FOR WORK OR SOME SHIT AND IT'S JUST LIKE-

IT'S BEEN AT LEAST TEN MINUTES AND IT STILL PISSES ME OFF LIKE DUDE??? MY DOG HAS NO REASON TO BE THIS BATSHIT CRAZY ONCE SEEING PEOPLE AND I FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE HOLDING HER AWAY FROM THEM BUT LIKE GOD DAMN IT STOP JUMPING AT PEOPLE I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE ME YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLE IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR FAULT YOUR ONLY CRIME IS THAT NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR ASS AND IT FUCKING AWFUL BC LIKE.. WHO THE FUCK DO I BLAME? LIKE YEA, I'M MAD AT MY SIS AND BRO BUT ALSO LIKE THEY'RE BASICALLY STRANGERS IN MY LIFE I BARELY FUCKING KNOW THEM SO HOW CAN I BE MAD AT A STRANGER???? Anyways if it's not obv I've been off my medssssss Kinda wanna die guys <3

[nikkichama]

A week ago youtube recommended me a BKDK amv, I loved it (still 'cause whoever did it, did an amazing work). My first impression was "wow they looks cute together", so I started watching My Hero Academia ( I like the genre, and at the moment I parked Bleach and Naruto) and boooooy I absolutly adore Izuku, but Bakugo OMG I was like: he is gonna be a villain a right? Nope.

He is an awful narsisstic jerk.

Okey so after the first lesson with Allmight where you know he activly tried to kill Izuku, I thought finally he will meet consequences, but nope. Nothing happened. Like how fucked up this school is if they let him be still there. And then the sport festival, still nothing. God please come down, I barely can watch it, with Bakugo screaming left and right, being an asshole and a terrible person with no hero qualific. And the first exam (before camp) Recovery Girl had the gall to say they don't know the team work meaning, like bitch we watching two different show? Clearily Mr. Batshit is the one don't know what is team work. I know it's later in the manga, but every Bakugo fan is like "oh but, he changed", "he apologized" "he changed". Yeah he changed to awfull to terrible, bum big change, he apologized. Okey, checked it, then no...not really. The whole speech, about him, and then "I'm sorry everything I done up till now." If you are apologizes then that's about what you done wrong (bullying 10 years plus minus., tell him to kill himself) and acknowledge it. But I don't really wanna critize this, because I nowhere close.

I want to watch it (I will with more space between them) cause the story is interesting, but this piece of shit is ruining it. I searched it and he will be in there the other seasons too with his shitty attitude with no development. And the most shocking people love him I mean you do you, but I cant think of a likeable, no tolarable thing about him.

Sorry I needed to rant.

[theryanitecorruptionandothersins]

Content Warning: suggestive image, implied/referenced non-con, discussions of fictional mob families and their unethical practices, unhealthy or inadvisable relationships, otherwise batshit and unrealistic things

stocked

finally she posts! first it was anxiety over punting this thing without the mature community label curtain. then it was a the posting limit she (i) hit on the other blog. then it was the general blog content warning she (i, again) forgot to post in favor of being an attention whore with no empathy for other people! (i'm working on that) what will she do next! (no please do tell me when i forget to tag things or tag things incorrectly or am generally being an asshole, thank you. the painfully aware presence that is not everything else usually catches it, but a shot to the knee is always welcome.)

now, onto house:

so as you have now probably gleaned (– and if you haven't, check the tags –) that the houses i write and draw are very au. very, very au, as my last attempt at fanfic or fan finagling with a piece of media has absolutely rotted my ability to not be au with it. he's still a bastard, of course - he's still robert edwin house, ceo of robco industries, sole proprietor of the new vegas strip. he's now just a little bit... other things as well.

he's Robert Edwin House, the mob wife of a mafia heiress Mary-lynn Lussier, and groomed since late adolescence to be so, partially of his own will, partially not since it's the mob, nevermind it being french, not entirely of his said mob spouse's full consent on the matter either, because 12 year olds will think anything is cool when it's a family thing and they're made to feel included, and she's protecting her nerdy twerp friend who's brother is a shit and who comes off as a mean snob when really he just doesn't get people all of the time, like her own one brother, of which there are several and think, that when she is sixteen and a prodigy at daddy's job, that her not-boyfriend sort of pet nerd, who made her a custom automatic baseball pitcher tailored to her and her needs, should also be tailored to her needs in turn and sex ed in fallout america is bullshit anyway, right?

he's also Robert Edwin House, long lost, now newly reacquainted and acquired in college, childhood friend of rancher and stable master's nephew Victor Keene, of the ranch just across the watering hole at hidden valley, that boards horses of the Lussier family as well as other people and is a rider and ranch hand himself, when he's not off pursuing his degree in geology. this pin-up is something from around that time. in the off season, when he is not off keeping the piece behind the scenes of the pitch, he's with vic and occasionally with a message from mary on some underground subject or rather. house is not fond of being made a pigeon, but he weathers it, because in spite of all that is duly sane and logical, he likes being around vic and being vic's (- though the latter was a bit slow with the shot, at first -), and mary's, to a broad extent, deeper than the physical aspects of anything, because you aren't this kind of childhood sweetheart without some kind of other understanding of each other, which they have, in every sense, developed over the years.

is it mean, to have house this way? to have his life have so little peace, to only find it in the sole and solid existence of his companions and the fleeting, barely there substance of the things he's worked for so long and so hard, that he can barely feel as more than heavy air surging up his fingers from time to time?

yes. undoubtedly. and believe me when i say: this might not even be the worst of it.

[veilchenjaeger]

Okay. After over a goddamn year, I have finally finished Couple of Mirrors. Consider me wrecked.

I don't even know where to start with this show? It's everything I've ever wanted, save for the censorship issue. (But I think I can read the manhua to soothe that particular ache.) It's so damn good. I watched this with month-long breaks between episodes, so I don't remember everything, but I still want to try to write up my initial thoughts bc it's fun to reread that kind of thing after a rewatch or some time of brainrot.

First, without getting into spoilers: I adore this show. The plot is incredible - dense without being overwhelming, unpredictable without nonsensical plot twists. Nearly every episode had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat. At the same time, the characters were given time to shine and develop. Especially Xu Youyi is just one of the characters of all time, I'm obsessed with her, but I definitely got attached to side characters as well. (Which is dangerous, considering the body count this show has.) I really appreciate the pacing, the little moments of downtime between the imo impeccably paced rush of revelations and developments. There are some things that could be seen as... soap opera-esque, in a way? Just because of the amount of family drama, but I think it all worked really well bc the show immediately tells you what kind of show it is and what the stakes are. None of the drama is out of place, is what I'm saying. There's a lot of murder.

There are complaints about Xu Youyi and Yan Wei not having a lot of screentime together, and while this is in some way true, I... didn't mind? They're both set up well enough as individual characters for their interactions to be meaninful, and it was more than enough for me to get invested in them. (Not to mention that there's a whole episode of domestic Yiwei in the end.) But mostly, and I think I've said this before somewhere, I came for the lesbians and stayed for the plot. Xu Youyi's story is about so many things, and it's important that each of these things was given the space it deserves. This is a murder mystery/thriller first and a romance second, and I honestly prefer it that way. The pacing felt right, and the central relationship still came across well.

Final non-spoilery verdict: PLEASE watch this show if you haven't seen it yet. It's so, so, so good. You can watch the whole thing on Youtube for free, and the subtitles are actually decent.

Spoilers under the cut.

There are approximately fifty separate things I'm obsessed with, but I'll only name a few.

First of all, the whole Thing between Zhou Heng and Xu Youyi, and especially Zhou Heng's character. Holy shit, this is well done. Zhou Heng is never portrayed as the good guy, but the sheer extent of his unhingedness is revealed so gradually that you're pretty much bound to underestimate him. He starts out as a bad husband who cheats on Xu Youyi, but for what it's worth, it seems like he does love her and wants to try to be better for the first episodes. He defends her from his family, he supports her, and while Xu Youyi is right not to let him get away with that after he broke her heart like that, he's sympathetic. He's not a cartoon villain or a cardboard cutout of an evil abusive husband. And he still isn't that when it's revealed that he fucking tried to kill her. That caught me off guard so hard! I didn't expect that at all, and then it just fucking kept going. It's in episode 10, during the dinner he has with Xu Youyi, that I realised that he's not only an utter dickhead, he's batshit insane. And it's the very fact that he was built up as a sympathetic character that makes this reveal as creepy as it is. Gods, what an asshole! Gives me chills of the worst kind! A superbly done antagonist.

(The same is true for Zhang Wan, too. She's a lot more obviously mean, but the extent of that isn't revealed all at once, and the relationship she had with Xu Youyi before is still meaningful. Zhou Heng's father, too - he acts according to his motivations, and whether he's with Xu Youyi or against her depends on the way she fits into his plans. Just, good antagonists all around.)

Second of all, I adore the characters so, so much?! Xu Youyi's development, her sunny personality, her heartbreak, and the way she gets more and more tired of being nice, are so [chef's kiss]. Detective Jiang was right, actually - she is someone who'd happily live with a murderer. She's so genuinely kind, she doesn't mean harm, but after everything she's been put through, she's ruthless deep down. I love how cold and collected she is when she demands the divorce, when she signs the papers, when she's in court, and especially when she finds out that Yan Wei is indeed the murderer of Zhang Wan and doesn't even hesitate to lie to the police to help her. Xu Youyi has had it and she will not be taking any prisoners.

It took me a little longer to get fully attached to Yan Wei, simply because she's not the main character, but the last episode really sealed the deal for me. She's grown so much because of Xu Youyi! She's started to live a life that isn't ruled by her past, she's capable of joking with Xu Youyi and she's a good mother and she's happy, which she didn't know how to be before! She even gets along with other people; she's on good terms with Mr Wang and has a bit of a teasing relationship going on with Detective Jiang. (Big fan of that, btw. I think they should be bros.) And yet, she's also presumably doing some very shady stuff to get money, and we haven't seen her find actual closure yet. I get why the last few minutes aren't the most popular ones - they're a bit of a shock, for one, and the pacing of the show fails here, although I assume that's all a set up for the next season - but they make sense. Again, Detective Jiang is right! Xu Youyi doesn't know anything about Yan Wei's past, and it's a past that's pretty important for who Yan Wei is! That's the one thing I was worried about throughout the show: that Yan Wei's past would just stay unaddressed, and that Xu Youyi wouldn't find out. So, yeah, I do like that they made that into a (future?) plot point. It's such a strong beat for Yan Wei's arc, I really hope we do get that second season and get to find out what she's been doing behind Xu Youyi's back and what those flowers mean. Yan Wei deserves some more development!

(That being said, I still think that season finale cliffhangers are bad writing and shouldn't be done, especially with the state of queer entertainment in China being what it currently is. Looking at you, Scum Villain season 2.)

And last but not least, I'll be listening to the opening song on repeat for the next lifetime, thanks.