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practicalmagicintuitions · 3 years

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HC-NV relationship after the IG post (part 1)

So, originally I wanted to do a reading about Durrells, what we can except and I wanted to do a relationship reading around 22nd of May. But plans changed and I did a realtionship reading instead, after his post on IG

DISCLAIMER: If you will send me an Anon, I will answer the same tone as your ask, opinion is written.

All information and statements made in this reading or any other post of mine are all alleged until proven to be fact and for entertainment purposes & usage only. All information stated is based on my intuition and my tarot cards. Opinion only. The readings have no intention to cause any harm to the individuals, people featured in it.

How does HC feel after the IG post?

Queen of Swords clarify with the Knight of Wands and the Ace of Wands

QofSw (if she is not a person) is speaking up, cleared the air, stand up for what you believe in, get your facts straight, facing up with the truth, make a difficult decision.

So I think he absolutely feels he spoke the truth and cleared the air. Basically, he said to the fans to step back, mind their own business etc.

This is clarified with the KnofW and the AoW. Both represent fire, being quick, rushed etc. KofW is the kick the door in knight. He is also popular, the centre of attention. He also can be narcissistic, and an aggressive player. He can be fiercely loyal but at the same time, he is not reliable. This card also suggests some travel.

The Ace is the start of something. A ready to take action card. It’s you have a vision of your future, you are looking at the bigger picture and willing to take actions. It’s an early stage he feels powerful.

Both Wands especially the Ace suggest sexual tension, sexual energy. It’s also a fertility card, which could suggest a pregnancy. ( I have cards from the previous readings and in this reading too and based on those I will say I don’t see a baby in this relationship at the moment)

I think his goal was to be very passionate, very “ I will tell you what will happen”, because he felt this is the key to a new chapter, to start over. QofSw is also very critical, so I think he wanted to criticise what happed, the fans’ actions, etc.

( I also have to mention that I had an unpublished reading on DG and him and I got the QofSw there too. So I think it could be her too as someone who has something to do with this. But I feel in this situation that explanation wouldn’t be that correct.9

How does HC see this relationship now?

The Fool.

This is again a beginning card, a new journey card. This is not the time when you should hesitate. And we saw above, he made quick, fierce decisions with the IG post. With this whole post, I feel intuitively he reached a turning point. Turning point how he sees his fans, how he wants to be on SM or what he wants from this relationship, I don’t know, but that was a turning point. Not just for him, many of his fans too.

He doesn’t really have plans but he decided to go with the flow and letting go the expectations.

From my 11/04 reading:

The Fool also urges you to do something. He doesn’t think about others, he is saying this is my life, I do what I have to do.

On the card the Fool has a companion, a dog that represents family friends, who are trying to warn him when he becomes too reckless

From my 11/04 reading:

It is also a freshly glowing love when you can be married after a short period of dating or giving an older relationship a new boost. But this card also means someone who doesn’t want to settle down, who is unpredictable and doesn’t want to be in a long, serious relationship someone who is daydreaming and infatuated. The Fool has the potential to have a great relationship but everything is up to you. Nothing guaranteed. This is again, a travel card too.

How does NV feel after the IG post?

The Hermit. 2 of Cups.

Okay…. this is interesting. First, let’s revisit what I said in my previous reading. (06/05)

So! She thinks he decided they are in fact the two standing cups with full of potential. Because let’s face it this post was a clear sign to the fans that she is here, he is with her, he said he is happy and in love etc.

However….

The Hermit turns his back to the couple on the 2 of C picture. So it suggests he ( and I said he, because he was represented by the Hermit before in her POV question, so I think it’s him again) could start to reflect on this relationship, rethink the 2ofC situation. Realise he was on the wrong path, made mistakes, got involved with the wrong people. And I think those questions come up when he is alone and have time to think.

2ofC otherwise is a very positive card in a relationship and one of its meaning is an emotional decision. If it’s a solo card or has different surrounding cards, it’s an excellent card in a relationship spread.

With the Hermit though is take reflect on the relationship, have a second thought about it. It’s too good to be true.

How does NV see this relationship now?

7 of Cups rx

Could mean a lack of opportunity and choices or you have clear thought about something. You know what you want. You have a clear goal and you are heading for it. You have your priorities.

It also suggests a lack of spirituality and being overly materialistic and superficial in life. Having everything but you are still not happy. The attitude when everything is always someone’s fault not yours. It also means party days are over ( or should be) so probably she thinks she had to give up this because of HC in not that party animal.

It’s a reversed cup card, it’s not love.. What should I say?

What the rest of May hold for them?

The Moon.

It is a very complex card but when I draw it I immediately thought ‘illusion’. It could be that they will be living in an illusion or trying to sell one to us. It could mean they will go through in an emotional, mental turmoil. It’s a crazy time for relationships. It could mean they are isolated. It’s trouble behind the scenes, the happy couple only an illusion. The Moon can illuminate many things in a new light, you can realise you are surrounded by lies.

Where is this relationship heading?

3 of Pentacles rx.

Nowhere.

No growth, not learning from mistakes, weak foundation, no team spirit.

No matter what are they communicating, there is no real effort in this relationship. They are impatient, they are rushed. Boredom, laziness, your heart is not in it. Be reckless, taking shortcuts. It also means if you are building a house, something is wrong, something fails, structural problems etc. This also can be a foundation of a relationship. It also means someone who is not able to handle constructive criticism. This also means you have a pattern in a relationship, and things always going in the same direction.

I also drew a 2 months forecast, but I will publish that in a different post ( part 2) because it’s already too long.

All in all, they are selling an illusion and they kinda know it but they are lying to themselves. One of these is the idea that the post gave them a second chance or a new beginning and the illusion that they are a so in love couple. However, I think that was something which consequences are irreversible.

He thinks he did the right thing, he was aggressive enough, he showed how manly he is.

She knows what she wants from this relationship and she thinks she is on the path, but deep down she knows it’s not a done deal yet, no matter how much he ‘protected’ her with that post.

#pmitarotreadings #henry cavill #intuitive tarot #celebrity tarot #tarot #opinion #tarotreading #henry cavill girlfriend #alleged

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jeannereames · 3 years

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Hi, Dr. Reames! I just read your take on Song of Achilles and it got me thinking. Do you think there might be a general issue with the way women are written in mlm stories in general? Because I don't think it's the first time I've seen something like this happen.

And my next question is, could you delve further into this thing you mention about modern female authors writing women? How could we, beginner female writers, avoid falling into this awful representations of women in our writing?

Thank you for your time!

[It took a while to finish this because I wrote, re-wrote, and re-wrote it. Still not sure I like it, but I need to let it go. It could be 3xs as long.]

I’ll begin with the second half of the question, because it’s simpler. How do we, as women authors, avoid writing women in misogynistic ways?

Let me reframe that as how can we, as female authors, write negative (even quite nasty) female characters without falling into misogynistic tropes? Also, how can we write unsympathetic, but not necessarily “bad” female characters, without it turning misogynistic?

Because people are people, not genders, not all women are good, nor all men bad. Most of us are a mix. If we should avoid assuming powerful women are all bitches, by the same token, some women are bitches (powerful or not).

ALL good characterization comes down to MOTIVE. And careful characterization of minority characters involves fair REPRESENTATION. (Yes, women are a minority even if we’re 51% of the population.)

The question ANY author must ask: why am I making this female character a bitch? How does this characterization serve the larger plot and/or characterization? WHY is she acting this way?

Keep characters complex, even the “bad guys.” Should we choose to make a minority character a “bad guy,” we need to have a counter example—a real counter, not just a token who pops in briefly, then disappears. Yeah, maybe in an ideal world we could just let our characters “be,” but this isn’t an ideal world. Authors do have an audience. I’m a lot less inclined to assume stereotyping when we have various minority characters with different characterizations.

By the same token, however, don’t throw a novel against the wall if the first minority character is negative. Read further to decide if it’s a pattern. I’ve encountered reviews that slammed an author for stereotyping without the reader having finished the book. I’m thinking, “Uh…if you’d read fifty more pages….” Novels have a developmental arc. And if you’ve got a series, that, too, has a developmental arc. One can’t reach a conclusion about an author’s ultimate presentation/themes until having finished the book, or series.*

Returning to the first question, the appearance of misogyny depends not only on the author, but also on when she wrote, even why she’s writing. Authors who are concerned with matters such as theme and message are far more likely to think about such things than those who write for their own entertainment and that of others, which is more typical of Romance.

On average, Romance writers are a professionalized bunch. They have national and regional chapters of the Romance Writers of America (RWA), newsletters and workshops that discuss such matters as building plot tension, character dilemmas, show don’t tell, research tactics, etc. Yet until somewhat recently (early/mid 2010s), and a series of crises across several genres (not just Romance), treatment of minority groups hadn’t been in their cross-hairs. Now it is, with Romance publishers (and publishing houses more generally) picking up “sensitivity readers” in addition to the other editors who look at a book before its publication.

Yet sensitivity readers are hired to be sure lines like “chocolate love monkey” do not show up in a published novel. Yes, that really was used as an endearment for a black man in an M/M Romance, which (deservedly) got not just the author but the publishing house in all sorts of hot water. Yet misogyny, especially more subtle misogyny in the way of tropes, is rarely on the radar.

I should add that I wouldn’t categorize The Song of Achilles as an M/M historical Romance. In fact, I’m not sure what to call novels about myths, as myths don’t exist in actual historical periods. When should we set a novel about the Iliad? The Bronze Age, when Homer said it happened, or the Greek Dark Age, which is the culture Homer actually described? They’re pretty damn different. I’d probably call The Song of Achilles an historical fantasy, especially as mythical creatures are presented as real, like centaurs and god/desses.

Back to M/M Romance: I don’t have specific publishing stats, but it should surprise no one that (like most of the Romance genre), the vast bulk of authors of M/M Romance are women, often straight and/or bi- women. The running joke seems to be, If one hot man is good, two hot men together are better. 😉 Yes, there are also trans, non-binary and lesbian authors of M/M Romance, and of course, bi- and gay men who may write under their own name or a female pseudonym, but my understanding is that straight and bi- cis-women authors outnumber all of them.

Just being a woman, or even a person in a female body, does not protect that author from misogyny. And if she’s writing for fun, she may not be thinking a lot about what her story has to “say” in its subtext and motifs, even if she may be thinking quite hard about other aspects of story construction. This can be true of other genres as well (like historical fantasy).

What I have observed for at least some women authors is the unconscious adoption of popular tropes about women. Just as racism is systemic, so is sexism. We swim in it daily, and if one isn’t consciously considering how it affects us, we can buy into it by repeating negative ideas and acting in prescribed ways because that’s what we learned growing up. If writing in a symbol-heavy genre such as mythic-driven fantasy, it can be easy to let things slip by—even if they didn’t appear in the original myth, such as making Thetis hostile to Patroklos, the classic Bitchy Mother-in-Law archetype.

I see this sort of thing as “accidental” misogyny. Women authors repeat unkind tropes without really thinking them through because it fits their romantic vision. They may resent it and get defensive if the trope is pointed out. “Don’t harsh my squee!” We can dissect why these tropes persist, and to what degree they change across generations—but that would end up as a (probably controversial) book, not a blog entry. 😊

Yet there’s also subconscious defensive misogyny, and even conscious/semi-conscious misogyny.

Much debate/discussion has ensued regarding “Queen Bee Syndrome” in the workplace and whether it’s even a thing. I think it is, but not just for bosses. I also would argue that it’s more prevalent among certain age-groups, social demographics, and professions, which complicates recognizing it.

What is Queen Bee Syndrome? Broadly, when women get ahead at the expense of their female colleagues who they perceive as rivals, particularly in male-dominated fields, hinging on the notion that There Can Be Only One (woman). It arises from systemic sexism.

Yes, someone can be a Queen Bee even with one (or two) women buddies, or while claiming to be a feminist, supporting feminist causes, or writing feminist literature. I’ve met a few. What comes out of our mouths doesn’t necessarily jive with how we behave. And ticking all the boxes isn’t necessary if you’re ticking most of them. That said, being ambitious, or just an unpleasant boss/colleague—if its equal opportunity—does not a Queen Bee make. There must be gender unequal behavior involved.

What does any of that have to do with M/M fiction?

The author sees the women characters in her novel as rivals for the male protagonists. It gets worse if the women characters have some “ownership” of the men: mothers, sisters, former girlfriends/wives/lovers. I know that may sound a bit batty. You��re thinking, Um, aren’t these characters gay or at least bi- and involved with another man, plus—they’re fictional? Doesn’t matter. Call it fantasizing, authorial displacement, or gender-flipped authorial insert. We authors (and I include myself in this) can get rather territorial about our characters. We live in their heads and they live in ours for months on end, or in many cases, years. They’re real to us. Those who aren't authors often don’t quite get that aspect of being an author. So yes, sometimes a woman author acts like a Queen Bee to her women characters. This is hardly all, or even most, but it is one cause of creeping misogyny in M/M Romance.

Let’s turn to a related problem: women who want to be honorary men. While I view this as much more pronounced in prior generations, it’s by no means disappeared. Again, it’s a function of systemic sexism, but further along the misogyny line than Queen Bees. Most Queen Bees I’ve known act/react defensively, and many are (imo) emotionally insecure. It’s largely subconscious. More, they want to be THE woman, not an honorary man.

By contrast, women who want to be honorary men seem to be at least semi-conscious of their misogyny, even if they resist calling it that. These are women who, for the most part, dislike other women, regard most of “womankind” as either a problem or worthless, and think of themselves as having risen above their gender.

And NO, this is not necessarily religious—sometimes its specifically a-religious.

“I want to be an honorary man” women absolutely should NOT be conflated with butch lesbians, gender non-conformists, or frustrated FTMs. That plays right into myths the queer community has combated for decades. There’s a big difference between expressing one’s yang or being a trans man, and a desire to escape one’s womanhood or the company of other women. “Honorary men” women aren’t necessarily queer. I want to underscore that because the concrete example I’m about to give does happen to be queer.

I’ve talked before about Mary Renault’s problematic portrayal of women in her Greek novels (albeit her earlier hospital romances don’t show it as much). Her own recorded comments make it clear that she and her partner Julie Mullard didn’t want to be associated with other lesbians, or with women much at all. She was also born in 1905, living at a time when non-conforming women struggled. If extremely active in anti-apartheid movements in South Africa, Renault and Mullard were far less enthused by the Gay Rights Movement. Renault even criticized it, although she wrote back kindly to her gay fans.

The women in Renault’s Greek novels tend to be either bitches or helpless, reflecting popular male perceptions of women: both in ancient Greece and Renault’s own day. If we might argue she’s just being realistic, that ignores the fact one can write powerful women in historical novels and still keep it attitudinally accurate. June Rachuy Brindel, born in 1919, author of Ariadne and Phaedra, didn’t have the same problem, nor did Martha Rofheart, born in 1917, with My Name is Sappho. Brindel’s Ariadne is much more sympathetic than Renault’s (in The King Must Die).

Renault typically elevates (and identifies with) the “rational” male versus the “irrational” female. This isn’t just presenting how the Greeks viewed women; it reflects who she makes the heroes and villains in her books. Overall, “good” women are the compliant ones, and the compliant women are tertiary characters.

Women in earlier eras who were exceptional had to fight multiple layers of systemic misogyny. Some did feel they had to become honorary men in order to be taken seriously. I’d submit Renault bought into that, and it (unfortunately) shows in her fiction, as much as I admire other aspects of her novels.

So I think those are the three chief reasons we see women negatively portrayed in M/M Romance (or fiction more generally), despite being written by women authors.

------------------------------------

*Yeah, yeah, sometimes it’s such 2D, shallow, stereotypical presentation that I, as a reader, can conclude this author isn’t going to get any better. Also, the publication date might give me a clue. If I’m reading something published 50 years ago, casual misogyny or racism is probably not a surprise. If I don’t feel like dealing with that, I close the book and put it away.

But I do try to give the author a chance. I may skim ahead to see if things change, or at least suggest some sort of character development. This is even more the case with a series. Some series take a loooong view, and characters alter across several novels. Our instant-gratification world has made us impatient. Although by the same token, if one has to deal with racism or sexism constantly in the real world, one may not want to have to watch it unfold in a novel—even if it’s “fixed” later. If that’s you, put the book down and walk away. But I’d just suggest not writing a scathing review of a novel (or series) you haven’t finished. 😉

#misogyny in m/m romance #how to avoid misogyny writing women characters #writing complicated women characters #asks #writing life #writing advice

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dirty-holy-things · 4 years

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The Space Between (your heart & mine)

Chapter 17 has been posted to Ao3, and below to Tumblr.

Catch up on chapters 1-16 on Ao3.

Notes: This fic is 18+ and explicit. Chapter contains canon-typical violence and descriptions of injuries. Reference to past abuse. Please exercise caution if this is a sensitive subject for you. Also - I promise there's a happy ending, but it might take a bit of angst to get there. For those who have kept up with this fic, sorry for the delay in updating - grad school has kept me busy, but regular updates should resume.

Words: 5.1k update, 80.9k total.

There had been changes within yourself as well, even though you struggled to admit it after having spent so much of your life suppressing that which was now showing itself within you. Your safety had always depended on your ability to mask your powers, or at least conveniently use them, and now they were unexpectedly breaking through your barriers. Through observation and meditation, you had started to put together that your abilities and powers swelled whenever your emotions did, just as they had when you were younger. When Din was once running behind schedule for a bounty, your nerves and fear alone were able to entirely warp the canteen you had purchased for yourself, crushing it to the point that it was unusable junk. And when Din finally returned home to you, bruised and battered, and yet focused only on touching and kissing every inch of you — you found that his cuts and bruises began to disappear from underneath your fingertips without any direct focus or attention. There was an undercurrent of power that was growing within you and Grogu, and it was beginning to breach the walls that you had put in place to hold it back; and you had no way of predicting when that wall may cave in.

These ever-increasing powers and revelations were both fascinating and terrifying. You did not know what would happen from here if you and Grogu continued down this unmapped path. You could understand that power without training could be exceptionally dangerous, but how would you even go about learning how to control it all? You had once been able to suppress your connection to the Force, but you never actually learned how to master this connection; repression is not true mastery or control, as it only delays the chaos.

But who was there to learn from? The Jedi Order was no more, the grasp of the Sith had receded with the rise of the New Republic, and the civilizations that connected with the Force as a form of magic were incredibly closed-off and tight-lipped. You had been extraordinarily lucky to stumble unto the teachings of Ixxith as you had, but now that the seal had been broken, now that Pandora’s box had been opened, you were faced with an impossible question — where do you go from here?

Image credit to my love @knivesareout as she makes beautiful things and supports my writing.

An eternal thank you to @soyelfuegoquearde for beta'ing my baby and giving me constructive feedback.

And love to @bdavishiddlesbatch and @louderrthanthunderr for all of their love and support.

"We fall in love because we long to escape from ourselves with someone ideal as we area corrupt. But what if such a being were one day to turn around and love us back? We can only be shocked. How could they be divine as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us? If in order to love, we must believe that the beloved surpasses us in some way, does not a cruel paradox emerge when we witness this love returned? If they are really so wonderful, how could they love someone like me?" - Alain de Botton

The universe felt brighter as you traveled through it now, suspended in space and time within the secure confines of your roaming home. You continued to watch the stars streak past you on every journey, still feeling just as entranced by them as you had on the first flight from Chandrila — but it was even more of a beautiful and brilliant thing, as you now had the incomparable comfort of being known, and being loved. For a brief moment, you had worried that your admission of love would make things complicated, awkward, unbalanced; but your fears had been completely dismissed and rendered unnecessary, as it had brought you and Din closer than you could have imagined.

It was the little gestures and moments throughout the day that allowed those fears to be quieted. His hands would brush along your body in passing; he brought you a blanket to the cockpit after seeing you wrapped tightly around yourself to fight off the chill; he would gently tuck away the stray pieces of hair that fell across your face. And you became less reserved in showing your affections as well; you would often drape yourself across the back of the pilot’s seat and over his expansive shoulders as he navigated the Razor Crest through the atmospheres of new planets and hyperspace. You would bring him food and water, reminding him to take care of himself in ways that he often forgot to. And the two of you spent more time encased in the security of darkness, to the point where you joked that you might develop night vision. Very few things can grow in the absence of light, and yet here you were, your love thriving in this unexpected place.

You found that you didn’t necessarily feel as though you were missing anything, by not being able to see his face. Your love felt whole, comprehensive, and possibly even more valuable as it was so unconditional in its nature; you would love him endlessly, and you didn’t need a face to assign that love to, as he was so much more than the anatomical structure that existed behind the helmet. Somehow, the darkness felt more freeing than the light. The comfort and security of the darkness offered you both the opportunity to be completely and entirely exposed; no helmet, no clothing, no beskar, no self-doubt. It was infinite in its nature, and allowed for infinite possibilities.

How beautiful, these little infinities you had created together.

And while you never held any regrets for the life you shared with Din, you understood that some things were not worth repeating. You didn’t offer to help with a job again after Corellia, and it was a decision that you had come to by yourself. Again, you held no regrets for what had transpired on the industrial planet as it had been the catalyst that had brought the truth to the surface, the truth about your love, but it had left some wreckage in the process. Your sense of self-preservation and fear had been reignited when the Twi’lek had made unwanted physical advances, and although you knew you were safe now, it was challenging to quiet that instinctual part of yourself that had risen up, desperately seeking to sustain your hard-won survival.

Following the events of Corellia, you started to have the occasional nightmare, your mind resurfacing old wounds and memories that you had worked to let go of and leave on Chandrila. You would have dreams of the torrential thunderstorms of Eadu, threatening to drown you as your family watched, making no effort to help you stay afloat. You would feel the radiating pain of Orron’s blows throughout your body, every old wound somehow reemerging and aching anew. Sometimes the terror and pain of the nightmare was quick to pass upon waking, but there were some occasions in which you woke up crying and thrashing, a scream trapped in your constricted throat. Sometimes, you would wake up shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm, chest heaving as the tears flowed; upon waking, you were always disoriented and scared for a moment, until you realized you were still at home and you were still wrapped securely in Din’s arms. You knew Din hated seeing you like that, tearful and distressed, and you didn’t want to cause any further hurt to yourself or to him. So you made the decision to no longer act as bait.

There was no sense in reopening old wounds, and creating new ones in the process. If you were to live with these pains, you could at least avoid inflicting them onto others.

Din had been supportive of your choice to no longer participate in bounties. He had reassured you that he still believed in your capabilities and value as a companion, but agreed that the reduction in stress would be worth the reduction in payouts. It had been tough to find a way to keep yourself occupied and still feel like a valuable, contributing asset; you knew you would never be content to simply exist here, offering nothing to Din except your body. While your originally agreed-upon partnership ended up not lending itself to you becoming a bounty hunter, you were not about to become a deadbeat, indolent passenger either.

The first few weeks after Corellia were alright, as you found odd jobs around the ship that you could tend to; repairing sagging panels, cleaning away the cobwebs, reorganizing equipment. These were tasks that you could manage, even with your limited mechanical and engineering knowledge. But eventually, as time wore on and your journeys carried you further along, you started to run out of tasks that could be done on the ship. Needing something to do, you then turned to managing additional business responsibilities, hoping to relieve Din of some of the stress that he carried on those broad shoulders. You kept a more organized, detailed record of his jobs and finances, and made sure there was an appropriate stock of supplies to support the Razor Crest’s three travelers.

And then there was the kid — you quite often found yourself managing him.

Following your journey to Bardotta, something had awoken in both you and Grogu; it was as if a creature that had laid dormant for many years had been awoken from its hibernation, and had returned with renewed strength. While you felt this change deeply within yourself, it presented itself most visibly in Grogu and his increasing abilities. You frequently had to search for him within the ship, as he had been working on learning how to cloak himself as you once had, adding this to his other skills. He was not able to fully vanish into his surroundings as you were, but he was decent enough at camouflaging himself to the point where you once had a panic attack that he had managed to escaped the ship into the wild forests of Dantooine while under your supervision. He was also experimenting with bringing larger and larger objects to his small green grasp, most noticeably larger and larger portions of food, or other comfort items like blankets. His growing curiosity and expansion of power hadn’t been allthat concerning until a particularly rough tantrum, during which he pushed both you and Din a good three feet back from him, without ever laying a hand on you. The changes occurring could no longer be denied or ignored, and you understood you would have to confront them at some point.

Your best attempt at navigating this next step was to seek out knowledge in a different format; as Din’s travels occasionally brought you to larger cities, you would spend a portion of the layover browsing the city’s libraries and book stores, if they existed, poring over the texts to see if there was any history, legends, instructions, or insights that could be obtained. You had very little success at finding anything that taught you about Force powers and how to use them, however you had managed to find several interesting texts that chronicled the historical power struggle between the Jedi and the Sith. You had heard whispered stories and legends as a child, tales of heroes and villains who carried out the unending battle of good versus evil.

And as you read of these wars and conflicts, you came to an interesting conclusion — depending on the perspective of the available source material, both Jedi and Sith could be considered good, or evil.

Thinking back to Ixxith’s teachings about the importance of balance, you could understand how these two diametrically opposed sides were continually fighting against the scale of the universe that sought balance. From your wide assortment of readings, you understood that the universe itself truly held no favor for good or evil, Jedi or Sith, and it only ever sought an equilibrium — and yet the universe’s occupants insisted on living within one extreme or the other, the scale never allowed to settle at a place of peace and balance.

You enjoyed studying the texts that you had managed to acquire, and learning more about the history of those with abilities like you, even though it may not have been the specific knowledge you had set out to find. Occasionally, you would talk with Din about the things that you discovered in these books, which prompted him to share more about the history of Mandalore and their role in the galaxy’s history and development. This newfound, strengthening point of connection between you was beautiful and valuable in its own right, even though it may not have offered much help for corralling yourself and the kid’s behaviors.

Reading had given you something to do during the down time while Din was working, and while the kid was self-contained or safely entertained. You had never had much time to dedicate to your own hobbies and interests before, and it was refreshing to be able to have your own passions that you could pursue as you desired.

Having few travel expenses of your own, you were still living quite comfortably off of the bounties you had profited from, and you were able to purchase the things that caught your eye or interest. This led to a steadily-expanding corner of the cabin that became yours as it was occupied with stacks of books, piles of blankets, an assortment of snacks, and a respectable wardrobe. The fresher also now showed evidence of your residency, as some of your specialty products had found their way to the shelves and the shower; silky lotions, a nice brush, hygiene products that didn’t exist in the shape of a bar. The Razor Crest was gradually becoming a shared space, a shared home, and were someone to step foot onto the ship, they would be able to determine that the fearsome Mandalorian was no longer maintaining a solitary existence.

This change in Din’s lifestyle was becoming more and more clear to outsiders as you now frequently accompanied him to his negotiations and trade-offs with Karga when on Nevarro. The older man had been excited by your reoccurring presence, and while he had teased Din for it in the beginning, he had since relaxed and always welcomed the two or three of you with a genuine smile. And with each visit to the volcanic planet, Din grew more comfortable with claiming your relationship openly; he almost always kept a hand on you, tracing pressured circles into your skin, or if you were seated with some degree of privacy, gently stroking the inside of your thigh from underneath the table as a tease for what was to come. There were rarely moments in which you were left alone, and you found you preferred it this way. While Orron had once insisted upon keeping you within arms reach, out of his own need for power and control, you understood Din’s motives to be different. He wanted to protect you, wanted to show you off, just genuinely wanted to be with you because he loved being with you. And you also knew that he would never deny you an opportunity to venture off on your own, to explore the town or take Grogu to play with the local children.

Today had been no exception to that truth; as Din and Karga haggled over upcoming bounties, you grew bored and restless, and decided you would prefer to stretch your legs with a walk around town, and feel some sunlight on your skin as it was a fairly nice day. You squeezed his knee gently, getting his attention before nodding your head to the door of the cantina, where the three of you had gathered for this business dealing. Din nodded wordlessly, trusting you to keep yourself safe and return to him when you were ready. This unconditional sense of trust was new to you, but you loved every moment of it, and loved Din for offering it so readily to you.

You excused yourself from the table and strolled out of the bar, knowing that Din’s eyes had followed your entire journey through the tables and patrons until you exited into the bustling town center. The sunlight felt nice on your skin, and the slight breeze kept the air from feeling heavy and stagnant around you; you stretched your limbs and you felt the cracking and popping of your joints. You needed breaks like this, to be able to physically stretch your body and keep it limber and in shape.

And yet, despite the small space of the Razor Crest, you had still found ways to keep your body moving; Din had certainly made physical exercise more enjoyable. You thought back to all of the nights that had now been spent on the floor of the Razor Crest, as your exhausted bodies had collapsed into one another; you loved every minute of the physical exertion the two of you created, but your body needed more. It needed to run, jump, stretch, bend, without the constraints of the small cabin space. But Maker, did making love with Din feel like the most glorious and exhilarating use of your body; you marveled at every moment of passion the two of you shared, holding nothing back in the pursuit of giving the other what they desired.

You were brought back to the moment by an oddly dressed man bumping into you; you turned to apologize, as you had been the one to have stopped in the middle of the street, but they had already run off by the time you looked for them. Shrugging, you carried on with your afternoon expedition. You had intentionally chosen comfortable and lightweight clothing today, knowing it would offer a nice opportunity to stretch your legs. As you strolled through town, you felt yourself start to pick up your pace gradually until you were jogging along at a decent speed, leaving the town behind you as you ascended the black volcanic hills that surrounded the area that had since become familiar to you. From atop the hills, you could see the cantina, the school, the marketplace, and off in the distance you could see the Razor Crest as it was undergoing refueling and maintenance.

Continuing to run for a while, just along the outskirts of the city, you relished the feeling of the breeze against your skin; while Nevarro was hot and the air somewhat sulfurous due to the volcanoes, it was still a nice change from the recycled air of the ship, and was certainly better than some of the atmospheres of other planets you had journeyed to. You could feel the lava rocks and ash shifting beneath your feet as you ran, offering just enough resistance to make your heart race and your lungs expand with forceful, concentrated inhalations.

Having now circled about half of the city, watching the landscape change from your position above it, you settled down onto a spot that offered some dry grass to sit comfortably on. You waited for your heart rate to slow back to a resting pace, and stretched your limbs out around you, loving the bit of soreness that came along as your muscles stretched and contracted. You allowed yourself to rest here for a while, clearing your mind as you worked to let the Force flow through you, just as Ixxith had taught you. You could feel the Force moving through you gently, almost like a breeze passing through an open window. You settled into this feeling, into the peace that it offered, as silence and tranquility had become rare within the steel confines of your home. Relaxing, you only barely noticed the breeze that seemed to push and pull the air through your lungs, as you sank into the comfortable silence for a while.

Sensing a growing chill in the air, your eyes opened to scene around you. The sun had begun its descent behind the volcanic hilltops and you knew it was time to be on your way, to return to Din and Grogu, to your home and to your bed. Pushing yourself up from the ground, you brushed off the dust and debris that had pressed into your body and clothing, before starting a comfortable pace down the hillside and back into the city.

As you passed some of the houses that made up the outskirts of the city, you could sense that something, or someone, was watching you; turning to look all around, you didn’t see anything unusual. You tried to shake off the feeling as you navigated yourself down a familiar city path, shifting your focus towards your upcoming reunion with Din; thinking of the way he had pinched the inside of your thigh earlier shot your heart rate right back up to its previously racing pace.

And yet there was a persistently odd feeling around you though, one that you couldn’t seem to shake, even with the thought of Din. Deciding to trust your gut, you stepped down what seemed to be a quiet alleyway to take better stock of the situation around you and determine what was causing this unsettling feeling of observation. No, observation wasn’t the right word. The word that came to mind was stalked. Like something was hiding in the shadows and corner of your vision, keeping in step with you but never being revealed. You scanned the street you had just been walking through, trying to find whatever was causing this unease, this growing sense of danger —

And then you felt a large hand grasping your forearm like a steel trap, crushing your wrist as whoever this was pulled you further into the alley and into the seclusion that it offered.

Whirling around as your free hand having found its way into a fist, you intended to punch this unexpected attacker in the face; but before you could complete your movement, a grey and leathery hand grabbed your entire fist and wrenched it away, but maintaining a tight hold on your hand to restrain you. Looking up, you saw a terrifyingly familiar humanoid face.

Maxir Bragant had been a close companion and business partner of Orron Jakar, and you had spent more time around this Delphidian man than you ever cared to recall. He had been a frequent visitor to your shop, and the individuals who he dumped onto your cot for healing rarely survived due to his brutal and unyielding attacks. Being quite fond of cleaving into others with his axe, there was generally very little you could do to improve his victim’s odds of survival; you were no miracle worker, and you recalled how you had been beaten mercilessly for your failures. As you looked down to see that very same black axe strapped to his belt, you felt bile and fear rise up in your throat, not confident that you would be able to escape the crushing grasp of this towering man who now had both of your arms restrained.

His voice hissed out coldly, as his pitch-black eyes stared into yours with the same kind of fury and hatred that you had often seen echoed in Orron’s icy blue ones. “What a surprise to find you here,” he laughed, and the sound turned the very blood pumping through your veins to acid, to ice. He sneered at you, lips curling back to reveal the same ugly grin that showed up in your nightmares. “Figured you’d know better than to show up in a town like this. But, you were never a very bright one, were you?”

You bit your tongue, trying not to snap at that bait that he had flung out to you; you knew he wanted you to respond, wanted you to get mouthy, so he would have an excuse to discipline you, just as Orron once had. He wanted an interesting fight — you knew that he thrived on crushing the life out of a terrified and desperate soul, and you were not going to give that to him. You needed to ignore his jabs, verbal and physical, and focus on how to get yourself out of this situation, how to alert Din, or the Marshal, or any bystander who could offer you some sort of reinforcement against what was surely about to be a horribly painful and ugly fight.

Bragant used his leverage to pull you in closely to him, and you could smell the putrid odor of sweat and blood that radiated from him. It was nauseating and made your head feel dizzy, but you couldn’t let this get to you, couldn’t let this throw you off. From this positioning, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to use your upper body to fight him off as he had your arms secured; making a quickly-calculated decision, you brought your knee up forcefully into his groin, and as he bent over in pain with a groan, he released one of your hands. Gods, was it satisfying to see this motherfucker writhing. Having some more leverage and momentum now, you kicked into his sternum forcefully, his massive body flying backwards into the stone wall behind him. You turned to run, willing your feet to move faster than the stars you had watched in hyperspace — but he recovered faster than you expected; you had only made it about four or five steps away when he wrapped his rough, scarred arm around your neck and brought your writhing, desperately fighting body up and into his, pressing his back into the wall to keep you out of sight.

“Stupid bitch,” he spit at you, and you could see the flecks of blood and saliva that landed in the dust around you, standing out in stark contrast to the dark volcanic ash. “Did you really think you’d get away with it, killing him?” You felt the cold and rough-hewn blade of his axe pressing into your chest, a jagged corner digging in just enough to make you gasp as it pierced your skin; the blade was pressed dangerously close to your heart, and you had seen the force with which he could swing his weapon.

“Still curious how the fuck you got out of there like you did, vanishing like that; but we’ll have plenty of time to ask questions when I bring you back home. There are a lot of people that have been missing you.”

You could sense the sick and cruel smile on his face as he pictured what would surely be a gruesome, horrific, and torturous death.

No. No, you were not going to go out that way. Not on his terms, not on Orron’s. Not like this.

You thought about the horrors that would await you if Bragant was able to bring you back to the cartel. You thought about the sickening fear and sadness that Din and Grogu would feel at your unplanned and unexplained departure. Thought about how Din would cut his way through each and every formidable cartel member trying to bring you back to him, to bring you back to safety, to bring you back home. Thought about how one man wouldn’t be enough to fight off an army, thought about how Din would die trying to bring you back, just as you had nearly died bringing him back on Bardotta.

Thought about how the love between the two of you would threaten to shatter the galaxy.

You thought about how Bragant had called the cartel home, and the anger that coursed through you felt as though it was moving through your very bloodstream, each desperate beat of your heart pushing that anger further and further into your body, fueling your muscles and your strength until it was threatening to burst forward from you like a seismic charge.

“Home?” You screeched, the words tearing their way through your throat with vitriol.

“Home?! You keep that word out of your goddamn fucking mouth!” You screamed forcefully, your voice echoing against the stone and clay walls; you heard a loud crack, and the wall that Bragant’s body was resting against collapsed in on itself.

This disruption and destruction caught Bragant by surprise, and he fell backwards into the pile of rubble that your anger alone had created, releasing you from his grasp in the process. Your chest was heaving as you inhaled deep lungfuls of air, feeling the oxygen feed more and more power to your body — you felt invincible, impossibly strong and powerful — and vengeful. Every violent revenge fantasy you had ever had came rushing back to you, as you saw the tidal wave of your abuser’s blood overtake the world around you.

Here was a man who had contributed to your pain and destruction, who had killed countless people with no mercy — and now, you didn’t have a single ounce of mercy to extend to him. And you were at peace with that.

A blinding hot, red wave of fury overtook your body, crashing around you and drowning out the fragile sense of humanity that was desperately clambering to stay afloat. It was as if you were possessed, as you watched your arm extend before you, muscles twitching beneath skin as your fingers pointed in Bragant’s direction, before your hand found itself curled into a tight fist. Your nails dug into the palm of your hand, and you could see redness dripping forth from it — and you saw Bragant’s writhing form being lifted from amongst the stones, until he was levitating in midair. His hands clawed desperately at his throat, and the sight of his now-bulging eyes filling with terror felt beautiful.

With a final, overwhelming rush of immense power, your wrist pulled your hand inwards to your body and you heard a nauseatingly satisfying crack reverberate through the alleyway as Bragant’s eyes went dark and his body went limp, collapsing onto the pile of rocks and clay beneath him with a dull thump.

Your head began to spin as the energy that had previously flowed through you was suddenly ripped away, and you felt as though every cell of your body was now collapsing in on itself in slow motion; the sky above you and the ground below you tumbled throughout your field of vision, spinning both together and apart as your body connected with the dusty floor of the alleyway.

You could vaguely see a blood red stain spreading in your field of vision. Whose blood was it?

Throughout all of the endless spinning and disorientation, your eyes eventually came to rest on one comforting and familiar sight — a tall figure clad in beskar rushed to your side, but you couldn’t feel anything, couldn’t feel the hands that you knew were on your body, couldn’t feel the shift in your form as you were hauled into his arms. Couldn’t feel the heavy breaths and terrified words that spilled around you, as your head lolled to the side in his arms. It felt as though the link between your mind and body had been snapped, like a harp string tuned too tightly, and as the universe continued to tumble through your field of vision, you closed your eyes tightly and prayed for it all to stop.

Stop. Stop.

Stop.

#Din Djarin #Pedro Pascal #din djarin fanfiction #Din Djarin fanfic #din djarin x reader #Mandalorian fanfic #the space between

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ceratonia-siliqua · 4 years

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I saw you were open to prompts and I was wondering if you could write something with Android Peter?? (bonus points if smut is involved) Your writing is so good and I would love to see your take on it!

Thank you for waiting! I hope it delivers!!

Ship: WinterSpider (former Stucky mentioned)

Warnings: Nudity mentioned, some dehumanization due to the nature of androids, and some asshole Steve mentioned (sorry buddy)

“Bucky, come on. Just give it a shot.”

“Tony-”

“You’ve been depressed for months, just take him for a few weeks. If you absolutely hate having him around then you can return him. I just finished designing a maternal instincts chip for Pepper, worst case she’d love to use him as baby practice.”

“Fine, fine. Whatever, what do I need to do?”

Tony beamed like Bucky had been the one begging rather than the other way around. The bastard put a hand on his shoulder as he led him out of the study and into the lab. It wasn’t a long walk, just a quick pop down the hall and a few stairs. The room was not a place he ever went, having heard legends of the absolute horror show it was.

The rumors were on the fucking money but not in the way he had expected.

It was filled with mechanical body parts, shocking realistic ones that left him staring as he tried to put together that they’re entirely creations of tech. He knew Tony built droids, fuck, the whole world did. It was his business. He’d gotten so good at the task in fact that he was facing some news shitstorms given the advancements in AI leading to a genuine conversation in what to do as the creations gained further and further sense of sentience. They’d tried to stop Stark, but when you have enough money to buy out the federal government, not much could be done on that front.

“You’re gonna love him. He’s an absolute sweetheart, in fact, he’s got a heavily modified Gen 4 Sweetheart Build. One of a kind! Even perfected the synthetic curls working on him. Possibly one of the kindest AI’s I’ve ever constructed, little bit of a trickster when he wants to be though, couldn’t let you get away without a bit of a challenge-” Tony continued to go on as he practically shoved Bucky towards a side room.

“Tony, please don’t tell me you made this android specifically for me.” He had been under the impression it was a match Tony had made after the fact, not something with genuine thought put into it.

“Can’t just throw any random personality at you, Bucko! You need a specific set of traits and I am happy to deliver seeing as how nothing like this kiddo is like what we have on the market.”

“Tony, you should have asked first. What if I can’t take care of this-” Machine? Man? How was he supposed to refer to this gift Tony was trying to give him?

“Trust me! You will.”

“Tony.” He stopped just before the closed door leading to the room where this now present anxiety was lurking. “Why are you doing this?”

There are several beats of silence before a word passes through the space. “Bucky… you haven’t been the same since Steve left. I want to help you move on from him. It doesn’t take a super genius to see that he broke your heart.”

It would have been kinder to just have punched him in the gut. Steve had abandoned him. Left him for a woman from his youth after promising a life with him. There had been no reason, no suggestion Steve had been unhappy with him, yet one day he was there and the next there was a note on the coffee table and a gaping hole in his apartment.

“Please, just try. I know you’re still trying to work through this but just try him out for a little while. You deserve to be happy, open yourself up to it. That asshole wins if you stay hung up on him forever.”

He really fucking hates when Tony is right.

Without another word he opens the door without Tony’s permission and steps into the room. The tiny form that lays on the fluffy duvet takes his breath away.

The boy is lithe, so small Bucky is scared for a second that Tony has given him a child. Getting closer though he sees the marks of manhood, more defined muscle, raised cheekbones, a lack of true baby fat anywhere on his body. He couldn’t help but notice the way a set of small, smooth balls peek out from his pressed thighs. Yet to see his face and Bucky was already feeling the tugging connection, a need to know more.

Rounding the bundle, he can’t help but pull a blanket off of one of the random shelves, covering the slip of a thing in front of him. Taking the opportunity to glimpse the face of the android coming home with him, he crouches in front of that seemingly sleeping face.

It takes his breath away. Small noise, delicate cupids bow, wild and frenzied curls framing rosy cheeks. He desperately wanted to see those eyes, wanted to know if they were just as soft as the rest of him.

“His name is Peter. One of the most high end models, he has features not even on the market. He can feel cold, heat, pain, pleasure. Both his throat and anal cavity are outfitted with the most expensive and durable stimulation sleeves we have available. I picked a version that everyone loves, top seller. He’s able to cum if you want him too. Knows how to groom himself but has preferences. I picked… something a little more dependent. He’ll keep you busy. Utter love bug is what he is. He’s had a little bit of ‘on’ time, just enough to calibrate some settings. His list of enjoyment is fairly open, he’s predisposed to certain things but since he’s never experienced anything he’s not sure what he likes quite yet. Gentle, kind hearted, and designed to form deep attachments, he should be perfect.”

He is the opposite of Steve. Not the exact opposite, but it seems Tony worried about hitting too close to home and made something that was unfamiliar enough to be wholly new while still takinging into consideration what he might enjoy. Even size wise, where Steve had been bigger than him, Peter was much smaller and maneuverable. Peter could be a doll in his hands if Bucky wanted, put him in control.

“He’s also the second ever android to be programmed with the ability to form connections of love and feel the full range of emotions available to humans.”

Bucky’s head shot towards the other man. “Tony, that’s illegal.”

The frown on that goatee ridden face shows just how aware of that fact he is. “I know, but only on market versions. If you self construct a droid or personally program and install the coding needed, which most people can’t, then it’s fine. I’m not allowed to sell people love, but I can give it to you for free.”

Already stuck in this deal, already tender for the angelic little thing in front of him, he sighs. “We’re not gonna get in shit for this? He’s not gonna get disassembled if people find out?”

“Most people aren’t even going to know he’s not human. Unless they get really close and study him, no one on the street is going to see him and think he’s anything but a regular young man out with his boyfriend.”

“... Alright Tony, you win. Where do I sign?”

____

Becoming conscious, and aware of that consciousness, it is something humans were unprepared for in their creation of AI. After all, children forget the trauma of being born, but how do you prepare a being that can already understand the complexities of life for the sudden plunge into reality? Really, you don’t.

Peter woke up and for the first time, was aware. His systems were all fine, green lit and all areas functional and ready to go. Yet, he didn’t move. Everything was sounds, shapes, colors, objects, things he knew but that were not familiar. It was something to take in, how do you even begin when there is so much?

There is a pressure between his shoulders, and suddenly he is focused on what it is to feel.

“You seem a little overwhelmed, sugar. Everything okay?”

The voice is smooth, registers as male in his system, compared to things he’s never heard but knew the sound of.

“Yeah… just- trying to get my bearings.” At least speech wasn’t a difficulty. It was not comfortable on his tongue but they were still doable, something he could succeed at even as his vision is too full. He closes his eyes, sighing as the lack of input makes everything feel less chaotic within him.

“Take all the time you need, I’ve got plenty to give.”

“What’s your name?” A basic way of understanding, something so ingrained in his code that it was the easiest thing he’d done so far.

“Bucky, James Buchanan Barnes if you wanna get technical but Bucky is fine.”

“Bucky,” The name rolled across his tongue, smooth and buttery. It was new but old, as if he’d been told the name thousands of times. It felt like an old hat, a detail he would remember even if everything else in his memory failed. “I like it.” Something clicked, a sense of enjoyment, a rush of pleasant feelings across his skin and the delicate, hair thin wires underneath.

That seemed to knock the man into silence. Peter reached out, groping for the being that was with him, showing him kindness despite their lack of previous introductions. Fingers grazing something slightly scratchy, he gasps, eyes flying open on reflex when a light pressure envelopes his wrist.

The man is fuzz but Peter knows enough to know what beauty is and this man must be the very definition of it. Long hair, dark shadows across his upper lip and jaw. Blue, a color he had not realized had a name till he saw it here. He feels warm, a giggle escapes him, something he knows is a sign of his happiness, one he hopes Bucky will share in.

Smiling is a sign, a good one. Something that makes Peter giddy as he flexes his fingers against that same scratchy surface on Bucky’s face.

“What is this?” Scritching away with the tips of his digits.

A chuckles, soothing and filled with a note that rolls slow and low across Peter’s ears. “A beard, you know what that is?”

He looks up the word, searching in his head for an answer until it pops up. “Oh! Yes, I do.”

“Really are new to this, aren’t you?”

His cheeks suddenly feel heated and an odd feeling curls in his belly as he glances away.

“It’s okay darling,” There is a rustling of fabrics and a gentle set of lips pressed to his forehead. A sign of affection, and one Peter knows he loves the second he feels it. “We’ll get you all figured out.”

#ask cera #winterspider #peter parker x bucky barnes #mcu #this is unedited so apologies #also it's a bit short but I wanted to get it out before other things buried it in my wips pile forever!#Anonymous #siliqua writes

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yourdailykitsch · 4 years

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Taylor Kitsch, an actor known for his roles in such Hollywood productions as "Battleship: Battle for Earth" and "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", is starring in the new Canal + series "Defeated". In an interview, the actor reveals what he remembers from history lessons, what connects the series' story with the modern world. He also explains why, according to him, every person should visit the former concentration camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Taylor Kitsch started his adventure in Hollywood as a "hottie" - an actor associated with a great body and beautiful face. All because the first role that brought the popularity of the former model Abercrombie and Fitch was the character of naughty lover Tim Riggins in the cult series "Friday Night Lights".

Kitsch did not avoid tough moments in his career - for example, when the $ 250 million John Carter, his first such big role, suffered a disgusting box office failure. But the Canadian knew this taste already - after coming to the USA, he was homeless for some time before finding a job.

For years, he has been successfully playing in big titles and alongside big names. Oliver Stone ("Savages"), Ryan Murphy ("Heart Reflex"), roles alongside Chadwick Boseman ("21 Bridges"), Michael Shannon ("Waco"), Michael Keaton ("American Assassin") and Rihanna ("Battlefield ), the HBO series "Detective," starring Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams. Meanwhile, Kitsch finds his way to charity, especially for children.

From 1 January 2021, we will watch him in "Defeated" . There he plays the role of Brooklyn policeman Max McLoughlin, who in the summer of 1946 is sent to Berlin, which is divided into four spheres of influence. Its task is to support the emerging police structures in the rubble. But upholding order in a space of brutality and lawlessness and clashing political forces - French, American, British and Soviet - will not be easy. Especially since Max does not know that he is used as a pawn in the game to open the Cold War, and somewhere in the maze of Berlin rubble lurks his brother Moritz, a self-proclaimed Nazi hunter who will stop at nothing ...

In addition to Kitsch, the main roles will be: Nina Hoss (local policewoman Elsie Garten), Sebastian Koch (criminal known as Engelmacher, Al Capone of post-war Berlin), Logan Marshall-Green (Max's missing brother, Moritz) and Michael C. Hall (consul Tom Franklin ).

The "Defeated" takes place in Berlin, right after the war. When you decided to play Max McLoughlin, did you have any knowledge of what the situation in Germany was like then?

The seres begins six months after the end of the war. I have the impression that this is a moment that is missing in the educational process - we learn a lot about the war itself, but about what happened immediately after it, for example, I had no idea. The plot of "Defeated" is made up, but our director Måns Mårlind (co-creator of the hit series "Bridge over the Sund") constructed it on the basis of many true stories. I have the impression that fact and fiction are perfectly balanced here. In the process of preparation, he gave us many documentaries and articles that helped to build an idea about the climate of the city from 1946. Discovering the next details of the story was fascinating for me.

Your work gives him a chance to get to know the world, its history, extraordinary places and people. Do you appreciate it?

This is the best part of my job! With each new production, I have a chance to immerse myself in its world and get to know it thoroughly. It could be a war movie like "Survivor", a story about a cult leader ("Waco"), the world of a detective ("Detective") or the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, as in "Heart Reflex". When I was an aspiring actor learning to act in New York, I never imagined that I would be able to live and work like this. Train with Navy Seals or meet Larry Kramer [American playwright, writer and activist for LGBT rights - ed.]. I am very lucky!

Prague, where you shot "Defeated", is a cult city for many Polish filmmakers, due to the famous FAMU school, but also a popular, atmospheric excursion destination. How was your time there?

Lovely. He will refer again to the privilege of working like this: six months in such a wonderful place, it is almost immoral! The only downside was the tight schedule so I didn't discover all the nooks and crannies that I had on the agenda. Fortunately, my driver, a guy in his fifties, was a great-grandfather from Prague, very talkative, and from him I learned the most interesting things - stories about the adventures of my ancestors and friends! Besides, in Prague, if you want to take a history lesson, you go out twenty meters in front of the front door - and it's already getting started. We shot in the summer, before Covid. We had an international team - Czechs, Swedes, Russians, Germans, French ... In use - not only behind the scenes, but also on the set - several languages simultaneously. Really, the only problem for me was my diet. Flour, red meat, stews ... I don't really like to eat like that. At least the beer was delicious, really amazing! In general, I really liked the culture of drinking and eating outside, these gardens, the community ... wonderful thing.

Due to the fact that the film was made in Europe, you had the opportunity to see places related to the war with your own eyes. What made the greatest impression on you? I was lucky, although it is not quite an adequate term that during the shooting we managed to visit the site of the former Auschwitz camp. Of course I knew, I had read about concentration camps before, but this direct contact with the site was invaluable, it gave me a clear idea of what happened. It is difficult for a man to believe what he sees around him. He's standing right next to him, yet he doesn't quite believe it. The space made a huge impression on me. I did not realize how huge Birkenau was, how perfectly organized the entire extermination was. This architecture, the surrounding houses, barracks. Someone designed it, thought over the function down to the smallest detail, and during my visit, I had the chance to trace how and where the whole process took place, step by step. I was standing there and it felt like I was choking, my whole body ached. Such experiences helped me a lot to bring my character to life. Max did not survive the camp himself, but he appears in a place marked by this tragedy, the tragedy of World War II, it affects him. I wish everyone could visit this place because it is a life changing experience.

Movies set in the past can be a perfect mirror for what is here and now. What analogies do you see between that reality and today's world? - Division, the dictate of fear, fear of the unknown, of otherness. Different ways to work through your trauma. These are all threads that connect the "Defeated" space with our reality. For my character, especially the experience of trauma resulting from family history, from the relationship with my brother, becomes the key. They both underwent a similar shock, but their reactions were completely different. I found it very interesting. Max is still hoping for a change, Moritz, as the saying goes, "the platform is gone". They have a completely different perception of one and the same event. Again, it is also a very contemporary thread - one event, situation, and extreme different opinions about it.

Your hero comes from Brooklyn, after you came from Canada, you spent a lot of time in New York. What is so special about the atmosphere of this city that gives it such a "mythical" status? For me, it has always been, I fully agree! Scorsese's "Streets of Poverty" has always been such a cinematic quintessence of New York, with its excellent Keitel and DeNiro. This film is set in the 1940s, which is the present day of Max. He was my point of reference in terms of the accent. Those years were difficult, the inhabitants struggled to make ends meet, and that also had to affect my character's character. Besides, New York has a chic character, New Yorkers feel proud of their roots. It's also something that Max defines.

And you had to transfer this New York feeling to Berlin ... ... to the razed Berlin, which for Max becomes, in a way, another space of trauma, personal again, but this time much more intense.

For this role, you had to master not only a Brooklyn accent, but also the German language. It was difficult?

I had an amazing accent teacher from Berlin, Simone. My rock! Fortunately, Max is an American who speaks German poorly and not a German, because if I had to play a German, I would have had a nervous breakdown! German is a damn hard language, especially for someone who wasn't exposed to such sounds when growing up. I learned everything phonetically. Sometimes I was "suspended" during the scene and then I was saved by Nina [Hoss, a great German acting and screen partner of Kitsch - ed.]. In my career, I have had to play with a South African, Texas, New York accent ... I've learned that there is no such thing as an optimal effect, someone is always dissatisfied. I focus on the vision agreed with the creators and I stick to it. Language is an amazing link between the actor and the protagonist, gives a unique insight into his state of mind and view of the world. I definitely prefer to play the character with an accent than to speak as usual. It's a great transformation tool. The arrangement of the lips, the appearance of the face, and the term are changing. In "Waco" my character, the guru of the sect David Koresh, had an unnaturally high, soft voice, which immediately made the viewer feel differently.

We associate you with American hits, but you are, like Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling, Canadian. Do you feel like an American, or is Canada a state of mind after all?

I started my adventure with the USA when I was 20, I came to school. Now I'm forty, so I've spent half my life here. Madness! Over time, I have grown into this space, I have settled down and I feel at home. I'm talking to you from my home in Austin, Texas. But at the same time, I'll always be Canadian. I go there often, visiting my family and familiar places. Maybe I'll go back one day, who knows?

You've had moments in your career that turned from a promise of triumph to failure, such as the high-budget John Carter, who failed at the box office. Do you have something that you already know: "I'm avoiding this"? I don't have things that, as a rule, I don't do or know that I will never do. But there are some that I don't like. These include radical weight changes. My dear friend must have gained twenty-five kilos for a small, independent film. The first week was great because you eat what you want, then depression started, joint problems, sugar jumping ... I never put my back, but I lost weight. I lost a dozen kilos for the role in "Waco", before that for the "Bang Bang Club". It's fucking hard and very exhausting, especially the older I get. My body and head hate it! Also, until Scorsese calls with some great proposal, I say: enough.

#taylor kitsch #Shadowplay #interview

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vbhinconstruction · 2 years

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Dear Sir / Madam

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aestheticbf · 2 years

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misterspectacular · 5 years

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Hannibal and Friendships

So I found the whole friendship theme in Season 1 of "Hannibal" very interesting (especially episodes 7 and 8). We are presented with many different friendships and relationships for Hannibal and yet there's only ONE person he truly feels lonesome without...

But here's the list of people that present Hannibal with the opportunity for friendship:

. FRANKLYN

. BEDELIA

. WILL

. TOBIAS

. ALANA

. JACK

So I wanted to type up what my analysis of certain scenes, and what I feel each person means to Hannibal, or is for Hannibal.

FRANKLYN

Franklyn is one of Hannibal's patients who desperately wants to be more than a patient. He wants to be Hannibal's friend. But Hannibal tells him... No. I'm your psychiatrist. I'm not your friend. So, basically using the "I'm your psychiatrist" as an excuse. He COULD be friends with Franklyn, if he desired. But he just doesn't.

Here's the script:

HANNIBAL Would you like to discuss our chance encounter?

FRANKLYN Wasn’t all together chance. I kinda thought you’d be there, which isn’t why I was there. I was there because I like that sort of thing. Just occurred to me you might, too.

HANNIBAL In fact, I do.

FRANKLYN I was trying to get your attention. Stand within your peripheral vision but not directly in front of you.

HANNIBAL I was aware of that.

FRANKLYN I knew you were aware, even though you pretended that you weren’t. It felt like you were rejecting me.Hannibal offers a small, warm smile.

HANNIBAL It would be unethical to approach a patient or acknowledge in any way our relationship outside this room until that patient gives consent.

FRANKLYN I don’t really know who you are outside this room.

HANNIBAL I’m your psychiatrist.

FRANKLYN I feel rejected again.

HANNIBAL Why do you suppose that is?

FRANKLYN Cause I want you to be my friend.

HANNIBAL Of course you do. I have intimate knowledge of you.

FRANKLYN And you like the same things I do. I think we’d be good friends. It makes me sad I have to pay you.

Hannibal attempts to hone the topic of conversation to:

HANNIBAL Tell me about Tobias.

FRANKLYN Tobias is my best friend, but I am not Tobias’s best friend. He has cancelled on me so many times. He almost didn’t come to the show. But he sure took an active interest in my active interest in you.

HANNIBAL Have you put Tobias on a pedestal?

FRANKLYN Yes and he saw a higher pedestal.

HANNIBAL I am a source of stability and clarity, Franklyn, not your friend.

So that's the deal with Franklyn. Hannibal isn't interested in being friends with Franklyn, but Franklyn is interested in being friends with Hannibal. It is one-sided. Hannibal has rejected him.

BEDELIA

When Hannibal goes to see Bedelia, the roles are reversed. Now he's the patient. He says to Bedelia "you and I are friendly" and she responds as Hannibal did. You're my patient (AKA I'm your psychiatrist). I'm not your friend. I felt this was her way of saying "I know this version of you is not who you truly are. We can't be friends if the real you is not actually present". She can see through the veil; she is not fooled by the friendly mask Hannibal wears.

Here's the script.

BEDELIA This always goes better if I’m perfectly honest with you.

HANNIBAL What would be the point otherwise.

BEDELIA Well, one of us has to be honest.

HANNIBAL I’m honest.

BEDELIA Not perfectly.

HANNIBAL As honest as anyone.

BEDELIA Not really. I have conversations with a version of you and hope the actual you gets what he needs.

HANNIBAL A version of me?

BEDELIA Naturally, I respect its meticulous construction, but you are wearing a very well tailored person suit.

HANNIBAL (good-natured teasing) Do you refer to me as Person Suit with your psychiatrist friends?

BEDELIA I don’t discuss patients with my psychiatrist friends, especially since I only have one patient who chose to ignore my retirement.

HANNIBAL A patient who wears a Person Suit.

BEDELIA I can still see the shape of you, but you’re elegantly obstructed. So really, it’s less of a person suit and more of a human veil.

HANNIBAL

I prefer we call it a human shield.

BEDELIA That must be lonely.

HANNIBAL I have friends. And the opportunities for friends.

BEDELIA On the other side of the veil.

HANNIBAL You and I are friendly.

BEDELIA You’re my patient and my colleague, not my friend. When your hour is up I’ll pour you a glass of wine, nevertheless you’ll be drinking it on the other side of the veil.

HANNIBAL Why do you bother?

BEDELIA I see enough of you to see the truth of you. And I like you.

Hannibal smiles, liking her as she opens a small wine closet.

BEDELIA Red or white.

HANNIBAL I think something pink, don’t you?

Because Bedelia has the ability to see him, or at least pieces of him, I think Hannibal is interested in pursuing her friendship. I think, like Franklyn feels towards Hannibal, that she is a source of stability and clarity, especially where his feelings for Will are concerned.

WILL

When Hannibal sees Will, he asks... Am I your psychiatrist or are we just having conversations? At this point, there's a pattern. There's the Doctor/Patient relationship, which equates to "Not friends", and then there's the Friendship. This keeps being brought up. We're meant to make connections.

So basically, Hannibal asked Will, "Am I your psychiatrist or am I your friend?"

This is the first time Hannibal actually asks the other person how they feel about it, which I feel expresses Hannibal's true desire to be Will's friend. Not just to be friendly, not just to keep up appearances (for the sake of the mask he wears). He truly, deeply, wants to be Will's friend.

I feel he was curious as to how Will would respond and didn't want to step over the line, and admit what he wanted from Will, unless he was sure that Will would react positively. It just goes to show you how much control Will has over Hannibal. Hannibal was exhibiting an UNEASINESS with expressing his ideas about friendship with Will. He wouldn't even use the word "friendship", just to be safe; he disguised it as "just having conversations". I feel it was partly because he didn't want to influence Will's response, in one way or another, but also because he didn't want to put himself out there unless he was sure that Will felt the same.

Will responds with "yes"; saying that Hannibal is both a psychiatrist AND a friend.

This is the first time that two people are on the same page; that it's not one-sided. They meet in the middle.

Here's the script.

WILL GRAHAM Have you been drinking?

HANNIBAL I had a glass of wine with my last appointment.

WILL GRAHAM You drank with a patient?

HANNIBAL She drank with a patient. I have an unconventional psychiatrist.

WILL GRAHAM We have that in common.

HANNIBAL Am I your psychiatrist or are we simply having conversations?

WILL GRAHAM Yes, I think is the answer to that.

So we have the same question under three different circumstances.

"Is this a Doctor/Patient relationship or a Friendship?" AKA "Is this Impersonal or Personal?"

That's what "I'm your psychiatrist" and "you're my patient" actually means. It means "this is not personal", or "I don't see the real you/you don't see the real me".

So this is where we are, so far:

FRANKLYN - NOT A FRIEND (Hannibal's NO)

Hannibal doesn't want to be friends with Franklyn because he's not clever enough to see him. Hannibal wouldn't even present Franklyn with the opportunity. He is not interested in Franklyn. Franklyn is annoying; he's impolite (drops his used tissues on Hannibal's desk). He's needy. He's too open, and therefore no fun, because Hannibal doesn't really have to try analyzing him at all; it's all right out in the open, and that which isn't, is not hard to figure out. One-dimensional, you could say, therefore boring. He's weak, he's whiny. And he's not exactly stupid, but he's not very intelligent, either. He's just not what Hannibal's looking for in any sense.

So from Hannibal's point-of-view: "You're nothing like me."

BEDELIA - NOT A FRIEND (Bedelia's NO)

Bedelia doesn't consider them friends because she knows True Friendship is not in the True Hannibal's nature, and that she is not being allowed to see behind the human veil. I do think Hannibal truly likes her, but I think that he might also be bored by her, because she lacks passion. She doesn't have the same "madness" that's present in Will.

So from Hannibal's point-of-view: "You're too much like me."

WILL - A FRIEND (Will and Hannibal's YES)

Hannibal wants to be friends with Will because he knows Will already understands and sees exactly who he is underneath (even if Will himself is not aware) and that he would be clever enough to climb over his walls. So not only is Will suitable, because of these abilities, but he's also willing (so far, at least). He is a combination of Franklyn (willing) and Bedelia (suitable), but also something else entirely -- He's INTRIGUING. He's UNPREDICTABLE. For a man that can see things so clearly, this can be very exciting.

I feel that it's the combination of being Understood and being Intrigued that attracts Hannibal.

So from Hannibal’s point-of-view: “You’re a perfect combination of being like me yet nothing like me.”

Interestingly enough, the alcohol says a lot about Hannibal's perspective on things.

During the scene with Bedelia, she asks whether Hannibal wants Red or White wine. Hannibal responds with "I think something pink, don't you?"

In the next scene, Hannibal shares this pink wine with Will.

He does not share any drink with Franklyn.

Hannibal didn't want red wine. He didn't want white wine. He wanted a combination of both; he wanted pink wine.

The red wine could stand for the doctor/patient relationship. It could also stand for being on ONE side of the veil as opposed to the other. And stand for being on the one side of the scale (basically one-sidedness).

The white wine could stand for friendship. It could also stand for being on the OTHER side of the veil. And for being on the other side of the scale (also one-sidedness).

The pink could stand for all of the above. The doctor/patient relationship AND friendship. Seeing THIS side of the veil AND seeing THAT side of the veil. Standing on both sides of the scale, balancing them out. Being just alike, but also being entirely different.

He doesn't want just one thing. He craves duality, which can be contradictory, and that's why it's so difficult to find just the right person. That one person who is worthy enough.

Ultimately, I feel the pink wine was symbolic of Meeting in the Middle. Of coming together. Of two separate, individual things becoming one.

He was basically stating exactly what it is he wants and craves; a Marriage, in all aspects.

When he mentioned which wine he wanted, that was his way of saying "this is what I want in a relationship". I don't think he was specifically saying it was what he wanted from Bedelia, but that he was saying it was what he wanted from whoever could manage to provide it. And I think that's why we weren't shown he and Bedelia drinking the wine together, but that we were shown (in the very next scene) he and Will drinking it together. Will was meant to be the focus of that statement, I believe. Everything that happened leading up to the scene with Will, was BECAUSE of Will. Those previous scenes were set up for THIS scene specifically. And this is why I say in the series that everything that happens, happens with Will in mind - all of those previous scenes were setting us up, or setting Hannibal up, for the idea that Will is the only person that could be a true friend and that provides Hannibal with all that he desires.

"The third time is the charm", they say.

And though Will was the main focus of all of this (the wine and the conversation with Franklyn and Bedelia), Hannibal, canonically, did still drink that wine with Bedelia. So she and Will are the only ones that Hannibal feels have the potential to be a friend, a true friend, to the whole of him. The only difference between the two is that Hannibal is just more interested in Will. Like I said previously, Bedelia lacks in passion, where Will does not. Will is very different from Hannibal (which intrigues him), while also very much like him (that duality). Will sees exactly who Hannibal is on the inside, while Bedelia sees only the shape. She may see Hannibal, to a degree, but she doesn't have the gift Will has, to be able to UNDERSTAND him. Even if Will doesn't yet realize who it is he's seeing, he does still see, very clearly, and that is relieving for Hannibal.

So now that we've discussed those 3 instances, I wanted to move on further to more people that present(ed) Hannibal with the opportunity for friendship: Tobias Budge, Alana Bloom, and Jack Crawford.

TOBIAS

Tobias, like Franklyn, wanted to be friends with Hannibal. He wanted to be seen and understood, just like Hannibal did, but Hannibal was not interested. He didn't want to be friends with Tobias, either. In the scene where Hannibal invites him over for dinner, he shares white wine with Tobias. Not pink. It is one-sided. Tobias was too much like him to be interesting.

ALANA

Then there's Alana. Alana is already Hannibal's friend, but she only sees the mask he wears. She has not seen past the veil; she's neither clever enough to climb over his walls, nor is she ever given the opportunity. Hannibal has deliberately closed himself off to her and therefore she cannot truly be considered a friend. That's why she is given her own beer, rather than shares pink wine with Hannibal. They are not meeting in the middle; that balance is not present here. This relationship is a fake one and she is, ultimately, on her own.

JACK

Hannibal's relationship with Jack is also a fake one. Hannibal uses Jack to get information on Will, and also arranges their get-together’s to try and convince Jack of Will's insanity (and also to alienate them from one another). In the end, Jack is a means to an end, much like Alana. It's mostly about Will, though there are also other reasons he keeps Jack around, and that's because he knows befriending Jack means Jack is less likely to believe he is a criminal.

Friendship, or relationships in general, can be blinding, and Hannibal is already an extraordinary actor.

So all in all, Will is the only one that caters to everything Hannibal desires. He's the only one capable of understanding exactly who he is, while being different enough to still be intriguing.

#hannibal lecter #will graham #alana bloom #jack crawford #hannigram #tobias budge #franklyn #relationship #friendship #analysis #analyze #wine

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colortheorydesignco · 4 years

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Making the most of your class subscription | Weekly Classes

We are thrilled to be launching a refreshed version of our online floral class subscription in 2021! When we initially launched it, somewhat haphazardly, we loosely referred to it as anything from “virtual floral design education” to “weekly floristry classes online,” depending on our mood that day. Now that some time has passed and we have had an opportunity to further clarify our vision, by identifying our core motivations and intentions for providing an online educational resource, we have decided to rename (or name properly for the first time) our offering to Flowering Minds.

We wanted to give our subscribers, both current and future, a little more guidance on how to most effectively make use of this virtual floral education resource now that we’ve added extra features to the subscription in 2021.

To ensure you are keeping your mind activated and engaged, here are a few suggestions to help you maximize the returns on your investment in this online floral class subscription!

Choose one dedicated day a week

TIME. We all have know just how quickly time can get away from us. We are celebrating another New Year’s Eve and then before we know it we’ve arrived at the beginning of summer. It is so easy to get swept away with errands, children, car repairs, last minute meetings and more. Time seems as if it is a rigid, constant and linear construct, but the human brain experiences it as anything but that…our perception of time shifts, distorts, speeds up, slows down, expands, contracts, etc…it’s quite fascinating, truly. In acknowledgement of our dynamic relationship with time, we recommend that you regularly dedicate a specific day to watch each week’s newest video. Not a mental note to watch on Tuesday morning but, rather, a calendar alert on your smartphone calendar to watch precisely at 10am on Thursdays, or whatever works for you. A meaningful commitment to dedicate a regular slot of time for personal growth. Knowing that our newest videos are generally released between Friday & Sunday, it would make sense to set time aside on a day between Monday and Thursday where you know that every week without fail you have the opportunity to learn something new.

Choose a dedicated time to watch the video

In the same way that an entire week can slip right by without notice, the same can occur with the hours in a day. Certain events in our lives are scheduled to occur at a precise time, often down to the minute. Clocking in at work, doctor’s appointments and wedding ceremonies. We tend to conform to these restrictions without putting up much of a fight. The floral design processes on wedding days generally adhere very tightly to a predetermined timeline and we always make it work without fail because of the importance of the event. We would argue that personal growth should be held in the same regard as we would view a wedding ceremony timeline or any other “important” time-specific event.

A common thread that has been observed in the daily routines of some of our society’s most prolific creatives is that of self-disciplined time management by way of reserving periods each day to focus solely on activities which directly promote growth in their chosen field of work. At that time every day, without fail, they are doing the work. It’s the 10,000 hour concept. Choose a time and make it work. No excuses. If your entire upcoming week just looks too impossibly busy already, just wake up earlier on one day. 5 am, 4 am, whatever it takes. It’ll be difficult when the alarm goes off that morning, but after you have put that time into yourself, you will not regret it. Stepping through obstacles and over hurdles tends to trigger positive-feedback loops in the human psyche. We are built to struggle and overcome and nothing feels more true to our nature than to overcome a challenge and bask in the resulting growth of character. This is what successful people do. Select a time and allot at least one hour to learn and reflect, regardless of how short the floral class video happens to be.

Take notes and generate questions

It is quite easy to passively breeze through a video and feel as if the new knowledge you have encountered translates immediately into growth. When we are exposed to new or motivating ideas while watching a YouTube video or listening to a podcast, we often feel the buzz of potential. But that buzz of potential should not be misconstrued as effective and lasting personal growth. Exposure to knowledge is merely the first step towards personal growth. That new, yet latent, knowledge, must be applied, and applied often..time and time again…before that latent knowledge becomes experiential and becomes woven into the fabric of your work ethic and artistic vision. When we witness an expert demonstrate a process that they are highly skilled at (by way of their experiences applying knowledge…their 10,000 hours) we are often deceived by the perceived effortlessness of that expert’s actions into feeling that we, too, could quite easily achieve that which we have just witnessed.

Actively watch. When you watch a floral design video, actively study the nuances in the design. Identify repeatable principles or patterns that are at the foundation of any particularly desirable result and then consider how these principles could be adapted or applied in different design scenarios. You want to assemble a personalized tool kit for creating your own personalized designs. Find the tactics and strategies that speak to you and place them into your tool box for future use. Understand how to use each tool and, more importantly, when and why you would want to use that particular tool. With time and practice, you’ll learn to instinctually reach for the right tool at precisely the right moment in the design process. Search for the unanswered questions within the video, because there are always questions to be asked. This is what critical thinking entails. Anyone can ask obvious questions- critical thinkers present questions that an average person wouldn’t think of. Once these questions are asked, the average thinker sees the question as obvious, even though they didn’t come up with it.

Utilize the Forum

Take your questions and notes to the forum. Start a discussion and share the questions you came up with so we can explore that topic together. When you think critically, you will come up with new insights, questions and assumptions than others wouldn’t, based on your unique brain and experiences. Sharing your unique perspective and receiving feedback from others is how interesting and enlightening conversations are started. Community outreach is a true catalyst for personal growth.

Put the education into tangible practice

As we mentioned above, there is a difference between latent knowledge and applied knowledge. Take the education you are absorbing and put it into practice shortly after watching the video. Many people will make plans to apply knowledge, feel charged and excited about making those plans, but then fail to make good on those plans. The actual work of the taking action doesn’t “feel” quite as good as the buzz of the planning stage. Nothing good comes easy. Practice delaying short-term gratification and play the long game. Short-term gratification is fleeting while the results of long-term, determined efforts are lasting and life-changing.

Educate yourself. Make plans and follow through with them. Act on what you learn.

This is how you achieve success.

Find out what a Flowering Minds membership entails!

Want to become a Flowering Minds member?

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filippoinzaghi · 4 years

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1, 2, and 4 pls!

1.Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

So I have four main projects at the moment. I have others but they are just embryos, a couple lines written down somewhere so as to not forget about them and work them later on like brioche dough.

That Carraville cuddles prompt

You sent me this one months ago now I think but I’m getting there!!

Progress : It’s about three fourth done, I’m just trying to find a nice transition scene to link what I have so far and the last scene I have written some time ago already.

What I love about it : it’s totally self-indulgent in the setting/context. I don’t want to spoil too much as I want it to be a surprise but the drabble is set in an AU-ish sort when Carraville (and others familiar faces) take part into a TV game show about teams of two having to hitchhike to reach their given destination with barely any money and having to complete different challenges along the race.

“Uncle Beom-pal” Project

What was intended as a drabble and will probably finish at 4/5k words qzsedrcftgybh. A fic about Cho Beom-pal, himbo extraordinaire from Kingdom, a korean original Netflix show about zombies in the early Joseon era.

Progress : I’d say I’m about halfway done. The more I write and think about this WIP, the more I think about scenes I could add or change, the more I can see the construction of the story, almost like a storyboard. I do have a clear-cut vision of how it will be now so I think it won’t change too much from what I have in mind.

What I love about it : I decided to set the story during the timelapse that happens at the end of season 2 so it allows me a certain form of freedom to imagine what may have happened during the seven years timelapse (the fic is set a year before the story resumes). It also gives me the opportunity to develop further Beom-pal’s layers that we see in season 2 (honestly the best character arc of the whole show) and to speculate on his relationship with the new king who happens to be his young nephew. To give you an idea of Beom-pal’s situation at the end of season 2 : he’s alone. His friends are not with him anymore, his family is all gone. Except for his nephew. Who also happens to be the king. Whom he also happens to be the prime advisor. I try to explore the complex relationship this situation creates because of protocols and royal duties in contrast to the king being just a child and he and Beom-pal basically being the only family they have left. As you can see I’m very invested in this project haha ^^’

The “Ceci predicted an actual scene of the show in fic” project

This WIP has been going on since August while I was watching Miss Korea (a truly beautiful show and criminally underrated).

Progress : it’s been a slow progress but I’m almost there.

What I love about it : the characters, who are the secondary couple in the show but who, imo, steals the spotlight. During an episode at the end of the first half of the show, there was a scene that made me wonder what happened after and I just expanded it trying to tie it with the character’s traits and depictions. Find me wheezing four episodes later when like... 85% of what I had in mind ACTUALLY HAPPENED in the show aqzsedrftgyhuji. Anyway, I’ll go through with it even though it is a bit of a canon divergence. What I like about this WIP is that I make the characters “see” one another for the first time and not just a glimpse (which happened some episodes earlier). They are more vulnerable, especially Teacher Jung (his name truly means Teacher so I just call him that) who is your typical petty thug but with some moral code and a good heart underneath.

The “5+1 times Nam Ju-ri x Lee Sang-in” project

Lots of projects about korean dramas at the moment but I have watched a lot of them lately so I guess it’s only fair. And it’s also because I can’t find any fics focusing on my favourite characters (usually supportive characters) so I guess I want to be the change I want to see in the world.

Progress : very early stage of the fic, I wrote bits of paragraphs or dialogue for different chapters at the same time, it’s kind of all over the place at the moment.

What I love about it : there are no fics focusing on these two who had a cute, individual, development of their character and who have a blossoming relationship. They are both losers who cares and I just love themn, they deserve more love. This is truly a self-indulgent fic and that’s just nice in and of itself.

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Re : the Uncle Beom-pal project.

There are two scenes that appeared to me after I began writing but which gave me so much feels just thinking about it that they had to be there.

The plot of this WIP is basically the young king, on the eve of the day in remembrance of all the victims of the “great plague” (he doesn’t know it was a zombie epidemic, everyone tries to protect him and not tell him what truly happened), asking Beom-pal to tell him a story before going to sleep. The ceremonies planned the next day weighs on his mind and makes him think about his friends and, especially about Seo-bi : a nurse who saved his life and to whom he is truly devoted like a lost puppy. And thus, he tells the king what happened without really telling him. By turning it into a story, not mentioning names but using nouns or adjectives (”The Healer”, “The Warrior” or, for himself, “The Fool”) and just being vague about “monsters” in a far away place, a long time ago. As he goes on with the story, past and present mix together as Beom-pal remembers his and his friend’s journey.

The two scenes are flashback scenes between Beom-pal and Seo-bi right after the last big “battle” against the zombies. One flashback she tends to his wounds and there’s a sort of silent reverence as if she finally realises he’s not just a useless and coward nobleman. And he, on the other hand understands what is probably to come (her leaving with two other characters, their friends) and how he wishes he could go with them or keep her with him but either solution is simply impossible. And the other is their goodbye (they won’t see one another for, AT LEAST, seven years and the guy is still yearning, can you believe). And again, it’s mostly silent, sentences cut short because they understand and they don’t need to say all of it. He’s not being talkative and a lost puppy following her every move anymore and she lets herself be more relaxed, lets her guard down a bit with him to show just how far they have come personally and in their feelings towards one another. Truly cannot wait to make myself cry and for my friend to threaten me to call the police on me zserdtfygh

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

He was tired, tired of pretending, of wearing a mask when nothing seemed bright anymore in his life. He felt the salty tears brush his lips before he realized he had begun to cry. He put the barbell back in its place, before it threatened to fall from his soon trembling hands, and he sat on the bench, completely consumed by uncontrollable sobs.

Failure, fraud, failure, fraud, failure, fraud… His mind did not leave him any rest.

From and I’ll only need to hold you (go back to sleep and dream) – Chapter 4

More than that paragraph, it was the whole chapter that I was happy with. It came from a rather personal place and it wasn’t always easy to write it but when I was done, I felt a bit better and I was happy with the result. The paragraph above is the beginning of my favourite scene in the chapter which is when two then-not-old Italians have a confrontation. Well… More like Rino confronting Gigi after the latter has isolated himself for some time. And it’s in the dark. Ever since I’ve read Long Day’s Journey Into Night and studied it, I’ve been fascinated by the trope of dark/night setting = when the characters are the most honest, the most vulnerable and the most true to themselves. And that’s what happened in that scene. I was happy with how I wrote it out and the vibes it gives off.

#thank you!!!#and sorry for taking so long #Answers #Ask stuff #My Fics

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albatris · 5 years

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Sorry in advance for the potentially dumb question, but: do you suffer from psychosis/schizophrenia? I’ve seen you reblog a lot of posts about it, of course, but i was curious. Also, if its not too personal, if you do, how much does it impact your writing/the weirdness glitchiness factor?

Not a dumb question at all, you’re all good!

So this is kinda…….. not something I’ve spoken about in a great amount of detail or specifics on this blog? And talking about it directly is actually kinda weird! I wasn’t expecting this to feel weird, but it totally does! So please excuse how long this answer took me hahahahaha

So I mean YEAH psychosis is a thing that I possess, this is a thing that resides inside my brain and occasionally outside of it………. I’m not schizophrenic, I’m more in the schizotypal realm of things, which is like….. I mean, that’s a label that best encompasses my experiences and so far it’s the only label that’s been vaguely and tentatively applied to me that’s ever really made me go “oh hey yeah that would actually explain a whole fucking lot” but like. Bits of it are still kinda wonky. Mental health is wonky, I think, generally speaking…………….

I was gonna talk a bit here about my specific experiences but, like, I really had no idea where to start with those and I don’t actually know how relevant it’d be to this question aside from being vaguely tangential in terms of psychosis………… so uhhhh I’m gonna jump ahead and talk WRITING which is WAY more in my comfort zone apparently

and oh my god this was so many words, I’m so sorry in advance, I have no idea if any of this is actually like………… super interesting? But I enjoyed the opportunity to talk about it so cheers for that! I think!

(and I’m sorry if you were expecting like………… a really short sharp sweet answer, I don’t really deal in shorts or sharps or sweets, I mostly deal in, uh………. rambling)

Rest of this post, under the cut, which I hope actually works on mobile, for the sake of your dashboards -

So this message was an adventure for me into how the questions “How does it affect your writing?” and “How does it affect the glitchiness/horror factor?” are actually two entirely separate things. I mean, they’re two separate things because I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” you’re thinking specifically of the stuff in my recent ATDAO posts about body horror and the unreality? In which case………… let me get to that in a moment

And since this post got super long, I’m going to start with my extremely short summed-up answer, and then elaborate on it………

In terms of how it affects my writing? In lots of direct ways!

In terms of how it affects the glitchiness and horror aspects? In some weird roundabout ways! It’s not where the horror stems from, but it’s where the response to the horror stems from and where a lot of my descriptive choices stem from! It’s not the horror, but it’s kind of the lens through which I explore the horror!

AND NOW HERE WE GO………… WORDS AHOY

So in terms of how it affects my writing, generally speaking

boring straightforward answer first:

It’s something that crops up in a super literal sense, just in that I’ve got a fair few characters who are psychotic to some degree or another, and it’s something that plays into how they relate to the world and their specific character voice and how they respond to the situations they find themselves in.

somewhat irrelevant, it’s, uhhh….. something that I feel interacts with themes in a different sort of way, too. ‘Cause a lot of times there’s, like….. stories about people going on cool magical sci-fi quests, and there’s Stories About Psychotic People, and there’s not an awful lot of overlap between the two unless it’s in the context of “and the whole magical quest was a delusion all along!” which, ew

and for fucking REAL there is so much interesting ground to cover and opportunities for different perspectives and new avenues through which themes can be explored, like, in that overlap of stories. It’s something I wish I saw a lot more of in fiction! Which is another huge driving force in, like, why I write stuff the way I do

and now slightly more interesting:

Worldbuilding! It’s definitely something that plays into worldbuilding and like…. my love of creating stories that are kinda just……. “reality but a little bit to the left” if that makes sense?

Whether this is something like Undertow, where there’s a degree of magic woven into the fabric of the universe, where things are connected by invisible threads, where I can give opinions to objects and feelings to the weather and the streetlights, where the earth itself has a voice? Or whether it’s something like ATDAO, where reality is coming undone at the seams and the fact that everything is just a little lopsided and haywire is a Mundane Part Of Everyday Life? That’s something I find super cathartic and quite lovely to play around in! I’ve always experienced the world as Just A Little Bit To The Left, and writing was one of the first avenues I found to kinda…. channel and explore and expand on that and put my feelings of strangeness into words?

It’s kinda, like, I like being able to share that kind of vision with others in some sort of way, and not necessarily in a frightening or horrible way, y’know?

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT TO SAY that anything I write is, like, 100% a direct mirror or my own life and how I see the world lmao. A lot of my writing takes experiences and feelings and little facets of how I experience the world and works them into something that’s often more literal and concrete, or it’ll start out as My Thing and as I’m writing, it sorta blooms into something totally different. But bits of it are in there, sure, although they change shape a lot! And it’s definitely in there with a lot of the general overarching feelings and concepts! Yeah!

One other thing that kinda leads onto my next topic is, uh…… that a lot of how I interpret events and meanings in the world around me can be kind of frightening and threatening, and that’s not reeeaaaally something I want to delve into too much in my writing from a worldbuilding perspective? So generally the parts of ATDAO’s “reality but a little to the left” that start to twist into horror and unreality are things I’ve constructed specifically to serve that purpose, more so than things I’ve pulled directly from my experiences.

AND NOW IN TERMS OF GLITCHY HORROR STUFF HELL YEAH

so again I’m assuming by “glitchiness factor” that’d be all the unreality and all the body horror stuff and weird horror? Which, fuck yeah! Despite my squeamishness when it comes to horror, this is one odd little corner of ATDAO that I’m extremely fond of hahahaha

And, like, initially when I considered this question I was like…. oh, this is not something that really has any of its roots in psychosis or my experiences of mental illness. And that’s…… kiiiiiind of true? My construction of the unreality and its contents is a lot of me just me sitting at my laptop going “Hahahaha that makes me physically nauseous! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever come up with!! I’m adding it in immediately!!”

But yeah, it definitely does factor in, though! Maybe not in as interesting a way as you’d hoped?

So first off, my experiences are something that sorta plays into my word choice and the specific way I use language in those scenes. And I’m also gonna go ahead and say that dissociation and specifically derealisation are also things I draw from pretty heavily for those kinda……. more glitchy horror-ish parts? So for me, my experiences factor more into HOW I describe the content more so than any of the horrid glitchy gory content itself.

‘cause it’s kinda, like, a specific kind of fear, I think, it’s a little bit off-beat and weirdly-worded and disjointed and it hits your senses all wrong, it doesn’t make an awful lot of sense but it’s still extremely real. There’s a lot of weird or unsettling bullshit that goes on in the unreality that there’s no convenient Real World Descriptive Equivalent for. Like, cityscapes made entirely of soundwaves, the aforementioned body horror stuff in earlier posts, places that are a complete and total lack of Anything where there’s not even space or colour or texture or light, senses getting all tangled up into each other, something being simultaneously bigger than the sun and smaller than an ant, voices unravelling like twine? LOTS OF WEIRD, BASICALLY

There’s no nice neat right way to describe that, and if there was, it probably wouldn’t pack the punch it needs to, yeah? But I love that kinda shit, I get to pull from a bunch of really weird sensory experiences and feelings I have no real way to articulate and I get to use language in creative ways to evoke the same feelings, the same experiences, the same sense of fear and wrongness? I get to draw from weird shit to describe a bunch of weird shit that makes NO fucking sense whatsoever and that can’t realistically be tied up with words

Point is, they’re experiences I draw from in order to Get Real Fuckin Weird With Words

and getting weird with words in this specific way is CATHARTIC as FUCK dude it’s so good, it’s one of my favourite things. This is, like, the dark edgy version of what I talked about earlier in regards to worldbuilding and me painting a nice odd vision for people to share in hahahaha

“let me take you on a nice gentle stroll through my imagination” vs me supplexing you to the ground and beating the shit out of you with a bat

And one other thing is just……. I’m sorry, I’m super tired, this bit is probably gonna be jumbled and wordy and maybe not super relevant but uhhhhhhh

So the unreality is not something I initially drew from any particular place in my psyche, but it IS something I’ve come to construct in a specific way, and a lot of it is something I build with the questions of like…… “How does a psychotic character respond to this input?” and “What does this scenery draw out in my character and how does it challenge them?” in mind, so I guess………… in that sense, there’s definitely still a fairly big impact? But kind of in a sideways way. The unreality is not so much based on psychosis, but it’s something I use to highlight specific elements of it, I guess, but mostly in terms of the skills it draws out

‘cause like. in ATDAO the only characters who kinda get to butt heads with the unreality aside from that one random dead car driver who may or may not be vaguely half alive in a state of horrific limbo are Jacob and Tris, and like

I don’t ever really frame Tris’s psychosis as some horrible terrible thing he’s burdened with that makes life a terrible living hell 24/7 but it is, like………. something he struggles a lot with over the course of the story, both in general terms and in terms of people not taking him seriously about the Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense that’s going on and in general being hesitant to trust his perceptions of reality. And ALSO I guess in terms of just…….. the way he relates to the fact that he’s been dragged into some Extremely Real Fantastical Nonsense? And him wrestling with how he’s supposed to believe in something like that when no one else can see the evidence and everyone is telling him he’s just crazy, and how “ridiculous interdimensional dumbass sci-fi quest” is something that’s reserved for other people, because he’s already been there like four times already and it has extremely different implications for him

In terms of mental illness, all my protags have patches of the story where they make it through kinda “in spite” of their struggles with mental illness (though that’s a sentence I fuckin hate) and other patches where mental illness is just a thing they deal with alongside whatever plots they have going on…… but their experiences with mental illness are also something that gives them specific skills and perspectives and ways of understanding the world that are invaluable, and some of the most important parts of the story are the parts where they make it through specifically BECAUSE of those skills and perspectives

Which is kind of the Whole Thing With The Unreality, that’s its whole deal

The unreality is a fucking huge turning point for Tris as a character, because it’s specifically because of his experiences with psychosis that he’s able to navigate it so effectively, it’s because of the specific skills he’s developed and the practice he’s had in similar circumstances

not, like, the SAME circumstances, but things from other contexts that kind of, transfer, circumstances where the same skills are applicable

‘cause like, turns out, he’s really good at navigating confusing frightening hellscapes where nothing makes sense and mis-stepping can get you killed, because he’s had a whole lot of practice just like. existing as a person with psychosis in a weird apocalypse world where reality is collapsing in unpredictable ways. He spends a lot of his life trying to make sense of reality and figure out the rules and developing countless systems for navigating the world safely, which he often needs to adjust at a moment’s notice, or completely scrap and reconstruct. He’s had a lot of experience of just sorta waking up and whatever bullshit is going on he’s just gotta be like “ok cool so this is what we’re doing today, I have to deal with this, so how can I deal with this”. He’s used to grounding himself and problem-solving even under intense pressure and when he’s terrified and regardless of whatever objectively horrifying nonsense is happening around him. He’s used to sorting the horrifying things that are not dangerous from the horrifying things that are extremely dangerous.

He’s basically the one character who can get tossed into the unreality and actually work with it and figure out the rules even though everything is screaming and glitched out and trying to kill him, he’s spent most of his life developing the perfect skill set for it

(and like, this is the first point in the story where he sorta realises that his specific way of viewing the world is going to be a strength rather than a weakness, but like. despite the fact that Tris is basically a walking panic attack he’s actually always been the one of the team who’s been the most adept at navigating daily life with the apocalypse, it’s just not something he’s ever really picked up on)

and uh

that’s kind of a vaguely irrelevant note to end on, actually

HEY THAT WAS SO MANY WORDS I’M SO FUCKING SORRY

I DON’T EVEN HAVE A NEAT WRAP UP TO THIS POST

MY WRAP UP WAS THAT SUMMARY AT THE START

IF YOU READ THIS FAR I HOPE IT WAS AT LEAST SOMEWHAT INTERESTING

#Anonymous #to clarify: i'm not at all opposed to talking about my own personal experiences with psychosis but also #i feel like that would just make this post too rambly and rambly in the incorrect direction #atdao #undertow #psychosis #schizotypal #long post #probably also not as well-edited as i'd like there's bits of this that i've missed and bits that are just real poorly worded #also in terms of like. characters?#there were super super super early versions of tris i wrote when i was much much younger where he like #clearly experienced psychosis but it wasn't something i registered at the time cuz i just assumed #that level of paranoia was a totally normal thing that everyone dealt with #lmao #anyway. well. that sure was some words!#i'm going to go sit in the dark now #i'm so glad that kit is still hilariously underdeveloped in terms of his plotline otherwise i would have probably #gone on a several paragraph ramble about him too #djhfdfkjhgskdfjg #''hi i'm logan what the fuck is a filter''

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thesdan3us · 4 years

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How to Become a Basketball Coach

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Because of this, the fundamentals must certanly be revisited every year, at every practice. To be able to effectively coach the fundamentals, coaches might have to adjust their training practices and method of practice. But, that search back once again to the fundamentals would have been a enormous revolution in the talent quantities of the players. No matter what otherwise improvements in the game, the fundamentals of hockey will always be the same.

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