#If someone looked at me the way I look openly at some people I'd probably have to lay down for a year straight

[mrfoox]

If I ever received the type of love I give... I'd die

[rye-bread-soda-iceberg]

I saw some light discourse going around hsrtwt about Ratio being bad/good/morally ambiguous

I'm not gonna comment on that too much cause I wanna talk about smth else but clearly he's a good person, probably one of the nicest people we meet compared to the war criminals and murderers. his major crime is that he's blunt, mean and makes his students cry (which is something about him I don't particularly enjoy for personal reasons, but still)

what I like, something that i feel like people tend to forget, is that he's very openly kind and caring

of course there's the basic stuff, like the fact that he pours his whole heart into making the universe a better place, has eradicated a whole illness called 'the king of illnesses' (so, supposedly, very deadly) and the entire not getting into the genius society because he cares about humanity too much. but also, you know

first of all, he has canonically made various statues depicting himself making a heart with his hands while smiling warmly. I've always found it endearing how he mildly prides himself on 'keeping the world at bay' and just being generally mean while also doing this so casually. I mean, it's a clear message: 'I love you' that's what he's saying, and he's saying it in a silly way

something a bit more hidden is these quotes from hoyolab's post. we all know the 'ignorance is an ailment' quote is directly taken from his character stories, making it canon. that subsequently makes the other two just as canon. obviously it's an official post, but I sometimes see people doubting the validity of these silly little snippets into the hsr universe

I don't particularly know if he is saying those last two quotes in general or to someone/a group of people in particular, but it's like... one of the sweetest (and corniest) things ever, and it makes me giggle a little bit. it almost felt out of character to me the first time I've seen these, but if you think about it, it's always been there

this one is from the valentines day ""event"" on twitter from earlier this year. I like his reaction to the gift for he still has some of his usual, you know, 'I cannot bear to hear such foolish questions'. he's being nice in his own way here, his demeanor is just barely reserved but the sentiment behind his words remains a positive one

another quick thing, though I don't have more examples for this one. he's always going on about how you should always consider whether the question you're about to ask already has an answer (so encouraging you to think for yourself) but he's still Always offering to help. in this and, if I remember correctly, in the mail description you get when you used to receive him for free he's making it clear that he's willing to help you discuss things for you to understand them better and will answer any question as long as it's not a 'stupid' one. he is a teacher, after all. the biggest thing about him is that he wants people to do better. other than this, despite his slight reluctance to help others himself, he does say in his character trailer that sometimes a little encouragement is required

and he does encourage people openly when they do good! no 'I suppose this is acceptable' nor 'I guess you did good'. when someone or something impresses him, he genuinely expresses it. I like to point this out because I see so many people say he's self absorbed or puts himself above others, when that is simply not true. which, I mean, can also be seen in his small little interactions with Herta, Ruan Mei and Screwllum (he literally praises them)

then he also says this a couple times. I don't exactly know what he considers courtesy or discourtesy, but it's clear that at least not all his blunt or mean words are meant to offend. this is something I'd love to look further into, but for now simply want to put here with the rest cause it's an interesting thing about him. he is already described as elegant, which implies a certain level of basic courtesy and politeness when interacting with others, though this just slightly crashes with his 'rude' demeanor

supposedly, you could make the argument that while he canonically realizes how non-endearing he can be (knows his own shortcomings, one of the exact traits he praises) perhaps he actively struggles with coming off as nice. and seeing all I've pointed out so far, maybe all those instances of him being nice are how he'd prefer to come off as (some times). that is unless I missed some bits of canon dialogue where it's implied otherwise

this isn't that detailed or well made of a post, nor the first time someone has pointed out this stuff. in fact I reblogged an incredibly good, lengthy post some time ago that talks more in depth about how nice/kind of a person Veritas Ratio really is

I simply cannot stand when he is described as cold, uncaring, selfish, self-centered or someone incapable of being gentle and loving. and it's not nearly as subtle as people seem to think it is

[ms-demeanor]

i really liked OJST in the mid-2010s but i didn’t stop reading cause of the cuck comic - wasn’t there also a comic erika moen wrote about (functionally) harassing lesbians with her now-husband?

In the mid 2010s closet-keys criticized one of Erika Moen's early diary comics and described Erika Moen as "Reassuring a cishet partner that it’s totally okay to use hate speech towards wlw at Pride" and condoning the harassment and fetishization of lesbians because of a 2007 comic that she had made as part of a webcomic she had written about gender and her interactions with her queerness.

The hate speech in question is the partner asking "are you sure you want to hold my hand with all these dykes around?" while they are pretty clearly at a Dyke Day event during pride, and the reassurance that 'it's totally okay to use hate speech toward wlw' is Erika responding "sweetie, I'm proud to be with you."

The comic is still up with a disclaimer that it was written at a different time, and I know that's probably not going to fly with a lot of people but if you were a bi woman in the early to mid 2000s it was pretty common to use statements like "lol yeah i'm into women my boyfriend is fine with it as long as I take pictures" to diffuse the biphobia from straight people AND to say shit like "I'm not a party bi, I actually love pussy, thanks" to diffuse the biphobia from queer people. (if you were a bi guy in the early to mid 2000s i'm sorry and I'm sorry now because we got LUG but that mostly went away and you *still* have to deal with the "gay in waiting" bullshit).

That comic ends with Erika and her partner looking at a woman and saying "I'd totally do her" while the woman thinks "pigs" and if you think that means that they literally sat on the street and vocally commented about lesbians passing by them or that they condone harassing lesbians (in, I cannot stress this enough, a diary comic written by someone in their early twenties who is realizing they are occasionally interested in some men some of the time after identifying as a lesbian their whole life), then I'm gonna go ahead and recommend signing up for some variety or other of literary analysis class. Do we think that Erika is seriously implying that she is going to make her boyfriend gay if she fucks him in this comic from a year later?

If this comic bothers you and you see it as a straight-passing couple giving the go-ahead to harass lesbians, you do you, I'm not saying you have to read the comic or enjoy Erika Moen.

I am saying it's a bit of a stretch, though, and certainly the least charitable explanation possible, and that we should probably give people some space to say awkward things about their sexuality and to make missteps when discussing it in their early twenties and not call them lesbophobic fifteen years after the fact for a college comic.

Moen also gets called transphobic because she has described trans men as adorable/cute in a way that could be read as patronizing in one comic and because she made a comic about wearing a packer for fun and for sexual gratification with her cis male partner as a cis woman.

Appropriately, all of these things feel very "late twenty teens tumblr callout post."

If it bugs you, you don't have to read the comics but I've talked about Moen before and I've gotten the anons in my inbox calling me lesbophobic for recommending her comic when in 2007 she made a comic about catcalling lesbians and condoning street harassment.

Which is frustrating because Erika Moen writes a comic about sex toys that has incredible body and gender diversity and is interested in making sure that people of all sexualities are having safe, enjoyable sex and talking openly about it. This is Rebecca Sugar condones war crimes level discourse over a creator who makes a genuinely good comic and gets dismissed as cringe by people who hate open discussions of sex and gets dismissed as a bigot (in ways that I think are incredibly unfair given the vast majority of her work) among people who *claim* to love open discussions of sex but who *actually* love witch hunts.

[yesimwriting]

I absolutely loveddd your piece about iwtv! I feel like the characterisations of louis and armand were spot on, and as someone whose favourite character is armand, I'd love to see where the dynamic between him and reader is going👀

We all know armand loves a challenge *cough* daniel molloy *cough*. Do you think there's some sort of romance that could be simmering underneath his curiosity about reader?

i appreciate the characterization comment! i worked very hard on their voices!!

okay, i accidentally put so much thought into this in relation to armand's characterization/my interpretation of him, so this response is only thoughts on that. however, this did give me an actual idea for a fic in which armand is incredibly cutesy and manipulative to reader after she goes out without louis, so if you're interested in that pls let me know <33

disclaimer: a lot of this is based on how i see (show) armand, but the wonderful thing about media consumption is that people can see the same source material in different ways and i'm not claiming that my thoughts on armand (even in the context of bestie!reader verse) is the only viable way to see him :))

----

this is such an interesting concept and i've been thinking about it a lot.

it's also so cool that you brought up daniel bc i think one of the most important scenes for armand's characterization in the show is the fight in the 70's where armand is much more hurt by louis calling him "boring" than any mentions of his actual trauma.

to me, armand's such an interesting character bc he's an ancient, 514 yr old vampire whose so incredibly impressive, who doesn't need to make anyone look at him, who doesn't need validation, but he wants it, he'd never admit it, but that desire to be looked at and loved is so there.

i think louis, someone who armand really values, deeming reader as someone 'special' is enough to catch armand's attention (similarly to daniel) .

however, armand is being subjected to louis's love and interest in the reader much more consistently/openly than louis's relationship with daniel, which i feel like would only aggravate any subconscious insecurities on armand's end which would make him want reader's attention even more bc what could possibly make louis's 'special' human good enough to not want him??

this is such a side note, but i think it'd add such an interesting layer of tension if technically armand saw reader first. an 'origin story' i've been thinking about is armand and louis going to an art gallery, and armand seeing reader's painting, and then reader, and impulsively placing an anonymous bid for some crazy amount just for louis and reader to run into each other maybe an hour later and become besties.

okay, back to the main analysis--armand can't express his interest in reader too overtly bc louis would clock it immediately, so he'd be subtly manipulative by letting reader stumble dangerous situations just so he can be the hero, also i think he'd talk to reader about art to try to establish a connection/relationship outside of louis.

also once he's down this path he becomes almost overwhelmingly jealous (even though reader isn't with him in any capacity 🧍‍♀️). but bc he doesn't want to alert louis or shatter the carefully curated version of himself he's crafted for reader, he "punishes" her subtly.

his number one, go to way to hurt the reader for dating/upsetting him at all is to use louis against her. armand would plant the idea of reader falling in love with a human boy, settling down, and forgetting about louis to make louis insecure. this tension would eventually come up in front of reader, and reader would have to reassure louis and probably take a break from dating for a little.

armand would also be a little mean/snarky to reader after she goes out with others (romantically or platonically) in a way that makes him look like a concerned companion. you were out all night with some boy...and louis was left pouting in his coffin until sunset...how dare you leave them him? armand doesn't allow your friendship for you to hurt louis.

in this scenario, you might be wondering what armand's end goal is bc reader is much too loyal to be with louis's companion in any capacity, but i feel like this is something he's stumbled into accidentally and now it's a little too late. oh well, he deserves his matching set.

as this progresses, something armand swears is about simply proving that he can win reader over becomes less and less convenient. by that i mean that instead of getting reader wrapped around his finger, he's wrapped around reader's <33.

also, as a side note, i think if everything finally clicked for louis near the end of the interview, when their relationship is falling apart, he'd briefly be more worried for the reader's life than upset...and then maybe after dubai divorce armand threatens reader to hurt louis and louis is like 🧍‍♀️ she tells you she doesn't like your tone of voice and you change it you know damn well you're not touching a hair on her head unless it's to take her to the salon.

also another side note, i lowkey would love to find an excuse for daniel and reader to interact. it'd be a diva off for sure.

[thezombieprostitute]

Another Bad Day

A/N: Written for @the-slumberparty's December Daze Challenge.

Prompt: has it been a year already?

A/N2: Written as a follow up to Bad Day Alternate.

Warnings: Implied violence, Mild smut, Non/dubious consent. Let me know if I missed any!

You're working on some crochet while listening to an audiobook, one of the very few escapes from reality allotted to you, when Ari loudly walks in, startling you out of your story.

"Are you ready, Sweetness?"

"For what?" Nothing I could do would help me be ready for whatever you have planned.

He grins with that damn smile that had charmed you so much when you first met him. The one you can no longer stand. "It's the anniversary of our first date!"

"Has it been a year already?" you ponder. It feels like it's been an eternity.

In truth, you'd stopped keeping track of the days. You can't remember the last time it had been important for you. Ari was insistent on keeping you locked up inside his expansive house. He said it was to keep you safe. You know it's to keep you away from others. To be reliant, dependent on him for all social interaction. The one time someone had come into the mansion, Ari beat him to a pulp in front of you. You still have nightmares from it.

"I know, the time just passes by so quickly, doesn't it?" Ari croons as he pulls you up onto your feet for a kiss. "A year ago today you missed your bus and fate brought us together."

"And I had been worried it would be a bad day." If I hadn't slept through my alarm I'd still be free.

"I figured it would be appropriate to celebrate by taking you to that restaurant we went to for our first date."

Your eyes widen, "oh that's so lovely! Sincerely, thank you for such a romantic idea." I hate that I'm so dependent on you for my happiness.

"Anything for you, Sweetness," he beams. "I know I can be a bit of a jealous man, keeping you all to myself. But I suppose I can share you with the world for a couple of hours."

"So generous," you jokingly jab, making him chuckle. A couple of hours to remind me of what I lost.

"Although I did make sure to pay for the restaurant to close to the public for the evening," he confesses, not a mote of guilt in his expression. "It'll just be us and a few of the staff."

"So romantic and protective of you," you coo as you kiss his cheek. Probably for the best. I'd have likely been overwhelmed at being around so many people after so long on my own. "Shall I dress up? You could probably go shirtless like last time," you giggle. Do I even know how to be around others anymore?

Ari throws his head back and laughs. "I was only shirtless for a little bit, Sweetness. And though you were so shy, I know you appreciated the view."

"Still do," you wink. I hate that I was so obvious with my attraction to you.

That seems to please him as he finally tells you to go ahead and get dressed up, "but don't keep me waiting too long."

While most of the clothing Ari has purchased for you is rather showy, he did include a few shawls, cardigans and other items that can help cover you up. The last thing you need is Ari claiming you're trying to get someone else's attention. You've put on an elegant maroon colored dress with a full jacket button up. Given the way Ari's eyes darken when he sees you, how he licks his lips, you're pretty sure he's pleased with how you look.

On the ride to the restaurant, you want nothing more than to look out the windows and see the world you've been taken from. But Ari keeps redirecting your attention back towards him. The divider between your seat and the driver is up so Ari is more openly groping you, pinching you, teasing out all of those sounds he's told you are only for his ears.

As much as you hate him, you can't deny that he is skilled in the bedroom. The way he makes you fall apart so completely and puts you back together again is nothing short of addicting. He reaches his hand under your skirt and grins at how wet you are, pleased with the power he has over you. He sticks a finger inside you, making you whimper against his shoulder, not wanting to risk upsetting him if you got too loud. He removes his finger and you give a soft gasp. He shoves it into your mouth, eyes burning with intensity. You know what he wants and start sucking on his finger.

"That's it, Sweetness," he growls. "You're so good, remembering who you belong to."

When he removes his finger you say what you're supposed to. "You always take such good care of me. How could I not be good for you?" You terrify me and I'd do just about anything to keep you from hurting me.

He smiles and pulls you into his arms.

As promised, the restaurant is empty when you arrive, with the exception of a few employees. You sit as far away from Ari as you can get away with, which isn't far. He makes sure he's always got a hand on you. The waiter, a young man, wilts under Ari's warning glare as he pours your drinks.

"Should we just try the entire menu, like we did that first day?" Please focus on me and don't hurt the poor kid.

He smiles softly at you. "Well, that was because we were trying out the place. If I recall correctly, you didn't care for the salmon."

"Yeah, that's true." You put your hand on his chest and look into his eyes. "What do you say you go ahead and order for the two of us? You do know what I like." Please don't kill the cook if I don't like something.

Given how he practically purrs at your touch you relax a little. He has to know that the waiter is just doing his job and that there's absolutely nothing for him to be jealous of. For someone so handsome and powerful, his jealously is painfully easy to set off.

After he gives the kid the food order, he focuses all of his attention to you again. He takes your hand in his much larger one.

"I am a very lucky man," he murmurs. "One missed bus led me to the love of my life."

You smile because you have to. "And, true to your word, I haven't had to worry about a single thing since. No bills to pay, or work schedules to keep. You've given me such freedom from the stresses of the world. Thank you for that." I'd gladly go back to my stress addled life in a moment if it meant my freedom from you.

"You always know what to say," he says, kissing the back of your hand.

"I'll admit, I didn't always. You were so much more generous than I was used to." I had to learn what you wanted me to say because I was so scared you'd hurt me.

He gently cups your chin. "But you've learned. And you've made me feel like the luckiest, most loved man in the world."

The food arrives and you make sure to look only at Ari when you say, "thank you for this." Please note my attention is on you, not the kid who's just doing his job.

Ari smiles and kisses you before picking up his silverware, a silent signal that it was okay for you to start eating. Wanting to try to encourage Ari to take you on more outings, you make sure to play with him. Jokingly exchanging bites of food. More casual touches. You're also trying to not overdo it, lest he figure out your play.

It was going well until the waiter asked, "is there anything else I can get you?"

Ari's mood instantly turns angry and he quickly stands up from the table and grabs the waiter by the front of his shirt. "Did I give any signal that we wanted anything else?"

"N--no, but---"

"But, what?"

You rush over, placing a gentle hand on Ari's arm. "Ari, honey, he's just doing his job." Oh god, please don't kill this poor kid!

Ari throws the waiter to the floor and turns on you, eyes full of anger. "Are you standing up for him? Are you choosing him over me?"

"I would never choose anyone over you," you affirm. I know what would happen to me. He huffs in disbelief so you move closer, your eyes never leaving his. "I have no interest in anyone else." You've removed me from the world so there is no one else. "All other men fall short when compared with you." Every time I see another person, I think about how easily it would be for you to hurt or kill them and it scares me.

You pull the front of his shirt so that you're eye-to-eye. "You've ruined me for all other men." I'm stuck with you for life and I hate how easy it was for me to accept that.

Ari's face turns from anger to lust. "I believe you, Sweetness. Now lets get you home so you can show me."

Previous

Tagging:

@alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness;

@lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63

[mariacallous]

hi i'm sorry to ask you this, i know it's not really your job but i was hoping maybe you or your followers had some ideas. i want to get involved with local activism at the grassroots level. however i am autistic and, crucially, i look like it. people can tell there's something visibly "off" about me before i even speak. and when i say "off" i mean, i'm not just weird-looking or different, but that even though i am not intellectually disabled, i do kind of look like i am. i am also just not good at wording myself or explaining myself, especially around issues important to me. this is not just something that happens with magas or conservatives; even a lot of liberals/leftists who agree with me on 90% of issues often don't take me seriously or brush me aside when i try to make suggestions, and i worry about turning people off of causes important to me because i explain myself so badly or because i'm just an [r-slur] and can't know what i'm talking about. i am doing what i can to build better communication skills so i can talk to people about things better by watching and studying how people around me speak to each other, watching and studying how politicians speak to normal people on youtube/the news, taking public speaking classes at my local community college, and practicing talking to people in low-risk situations like small talk. but realistically i think building these kind of skills will probably take months or even years. i was wondering if there's any kind of role in outreach or grassroots-level activism for someone who is REALLY bad at communicating, to the point they can turn off people who already mostly agree with them? i feel isolated from a lot of other openly autistic people in my area because they're the kind of "bernie should have won and now since he didn't i'm not going to do anything" doomers i find annoying so i'd prefer suggestions that aren't autism-specific/ideas for ways to build communities with people who aren't necessarily autistic. who do i talk to and how do i go about finding them? are there any websites i can check for volunteer groups/opportunities? i do already donate to the aclu and planned parenthood each once a month so id prefer some non-donation ideas that would get me involved with real people near me. i'm not an introvert, i actually love talking to people, but i'm just not good at it. anyway i'm sorry this is so long. thank you for running a great blog.

I think, if you've got the skills for it, that a lot of the logistics and organizing of organizing and activism is always needing people. A lot of people don't want to do the quiet and sometimes "backroom" work involved, but it is so crucial and always appreciated. And you can interact with a lot of people, surprisingly. Things like handling data entry and creating reports, working to make lists of needed items and handling purchasing trips, creating maps and setting up teams for outreach. Sorting and prepping materials for mailout and handout. A lot of times these lead to bigger roles, and people appreciate it a lot. And it involves a lot of constant, sometimes low-level, communication and engagement but also helps establish connection and comfort.

I hope this was helpful, and I hope my mutuals and followers definitely add on to this, because I feel like it may not be that good of a response.

I will say that I definitely appreciate how much you want to be involved and active - we're going to need that a lot in the coming months and years.

[liquidorcard]

Oh, I memory holed this bullshit.

Yeah, so. I feel it really says something I'm feeling more reluctant to share I was diagnosed with DID about five years ago now on a blog I've openly joked about my substance abuse issues and spoken somewhat on being a sexual assault survivor.

I was. Between that, being neurodivergent, and trans-- I assume if I was also a furry and a Homestuck at that point I'd be banished to the shadow realm.

It's honestly just too frustrating at this point to fight the amount of misinformation out there about my disorder. It's rare, hard to diagnose, and the field of study on dissociative disorders in general is still more or less in its infancy. It doesn't help that medical professionals themselves sometimes treat the concept as a philosophical debate on the nature of human consciousness itself. Cool, but fuck does that have to do with me?

There is some reasonable question as to whether or not certain elements of the disorder are potentially, in part, induced by the type of therapy used to treat it. Though that might be true, and hopefully in the future, there are better methods-- I, and many people like me, are in the here and now. And, I've personally found treatment of both acknowledging and accepting my alters as both separate and a part of me useful in recovery.

There is no true "plurality." Not in the way people think. Someone with DID has simply had their self as a whole fractured into parts as a mechanism of survival. It's trauma-induced brain damage. Alters are separated by amnesiatic barriers, develop distinct sets of self, and create the illusion of there being multiple "identities" in one body. It's easier to talk about them and treat them like separate people at times, but it's different flavors of the exact same person. One individual with discontinuity of self, not multiple selves.

Some people choose to live very much like they're multiple people, and that's fine if it works for them. It doesn't for everyone. Dare I say it doesn't for most. And it's a real big issue that a loud minority of the people who . . . May or may not actually have the disorder (frankly, it kind of doesn't matter). Just consume all the oxygen when it comes to attention and discussion around it.

I think it's a pointless argument trying to go around fakeclaiming idiots on the internet that turn the disorder into a spectacle for content/an excuse to be shitty. Some probably do have the disorder, some probably don't. I don't give a fuck. I'm not digging through their medical records. And with the way the internet responds to flashy and whitewashed displays that reinforce the most sensational elements of it, there's plenty of incentive to exaggerate the condition for attention. Even if someone does have it.

But if you're looking for someone with DID to confirm people like Taxxon and Poppy are bullshitting when they talk about the disorder, here you go.

[i-arch-my-backula]

Hi new hc idea. Thomas hewitt, bubba swayer and og hannibal if you write for him if not nbc hannibal x male reader that is okay with them Killing and also with eating the special meat, juste dosent want to be involve in the "hunt". Dont forgot, take your time and dont overwork yourself and i hope you have a good day/night <3 (notice me if you dont take the request <3 )

I'd love to do this for you. I'm sorry for taking so long to get to this. I've talked about stuff that's been going on but now that my school is almost over I'll be hopefully posting more. I also have some OC stuff I'm interested in posting so look out for that.

Cannibal slashers with an s/o who's ok with eating human meat

Includes: Bubba Sawyer, Thomas Hewitt and Nbc Hannibal Lecter

Warnings: Murder, Cannibalism, talk of following traditional gender roles (barely)

Bubba Sawyer

He's a little surprised at how comfortable you are with eating human meat right away, but he's happy that you're doing it. Since you're so comfortable with eating human meat there aren't going to be too many issues for awhile.

Since you're so comfortable with eating human meat Drayton will probably ask you to help in the kitchen from time to time. If you don't know how to cook you'll learn from him. But if you don't want to handle the meat that's fine, he'll find something else for you to do.

Bubba is a little disapointed that you're not comfortable with killing people but he kind of understands because he assumes your reason are like Draytons. As long as you don't get in the way of their killing he's fine with you not participating.

If you just don't want to be around all of the screaming and intense situations of "the hunt" Bubba will find a way to keep you occupied outside or somewhere where you won't hear all of the noise.

Thomas Hewitt

Like with Bubba it's a good thing you're fine with eating human meat. His family might not believe that you're actually comfortable with eating human meat until you prove to them that you are.

It's also a good thing that you're fine with all of the killing. The more accepting you are of what the Hewitt do the more pleasant they'll be, at least as pleasant as they can be with other people.

Since you don't want to participate in the hunt or the killing Thomas will keep you out of the basement unless it's necessary for you to be down there or it's cleaned up.

Also I'd assume if you're a woman/ fem presenting the family will expect you to help in the kitchen, Hoyt more than anyone else will expect that but if you're bad with cooking they'll make sure you don't cook.

Hannibal Lecter

He'll wait awhile before breaking the news to you that he's been feeding you human meat, unless you figure it out on your own. But he's happy that you're not against continuing to eat human meat.

Hannibal will talk more openly about his cannibalism with you and ask you how different meats taste to you. He could go on four hours about his different preparation for different parts of the body.

He always does his killing for food by himself so you'll never have to worry about him asking you to join him on the hunt. He may ask you about rude people that you've encountered lately and such but he's never asking you to join him in killing someone.

He's also thankful you're not against him killing people. If you don't ask about him killing people then he won't tell you about the details. But if you're interested in the details then he's happy to talk about them with you.

[dustgeonmeshi]

hi, i rlly like your blog + hope you feel better! <3

not a request, but a little thing i've been thinking is like. post-canon, Marcille reading her Dal Clan novels aloud to Falin & Izustumi when she visits. i just think they'd like hanging out

Izustumi was into the story in that sidecomic, and Falin liked the stage version in another one.

idk that either of them know much elvish, so maybe Marcille reads from Falin's common language translations, + probably gives her own commentary along the way. i just think it'd be nice. maybe that's how Izustumi and Falin start becoming more friendly c:

hi, ty for the well wishes! sorry i'm just now getting to this (i forgot my inbox existed for like a month)

i love this idea! Falin initially couldn't get thru DalClan but i feel like if Marcille was the one reading it, she'd hold her attention better. that way they could stop at times and talk about what's going on. i also just think reading to your partner is really romantic, teehee

i am a major enthusiast of Falin & Izutusmi growing closer, i think Falin can vibe with most people and with her and Izu being so chill im certain they'd get along. Marcille is the one who fusses over Izutsumi while Falin is more openly supportive of Izutusmi's independence while still caring for her in hee own way. Someone on one of my posts called Falin and Marcille "Izutsumi's lesbian aunts" who spoil her and stuff, I think that's a great way of looking at it.

Ty for sharing your idea with me! I'd love to sketch it at some point <3

[scriptlgbt]

How should I go about a trans man character meeting someone with his deadname who doesn’t use the same nickname he did but almost always goes by her full name cause she likes it more?

The story is told from multiple perspectives but the girls is the main focus and the trans man’s being the second most important so her full name will be said a lot but only the trans man and the reader would have knowledge of this

Is their certain way to go about? Also would is be weird to kinda have him be enamored by her since she’s very different from what he was like and it’s the first time in a very long while where he’s actually know a person with his deadname and hasn’t just heard it in passing 

On the surface, there is nothing overtly wrong with this, but it does seem a bit weird to me.

Personally, I grew up with one of the most common names for my birth year, in the place where I was born and grew up. (In the top 15-30 names, depending how far you want to zoom out in terms of region, with it being more popular in my region.) Even now I know many people who have this name, either by choice or by gift at birth. Personally, I can't escape my given name, so I've had to process that probably more than people who have a rarer given name. But: a name is genuinely just a name.

It's not some kind of implication of any sort of alter ego. These two are different characters who, in their world, would happen to have the same name by mere coincidence. It feels like you might be writing/reading more into this than there is normally, but I guess there can be some creative poetry in that too. But I also wouldn't write a character's dead name to the reader unless it was necessary. (I'd say that an openly* trans author doing so would be an exception.)

With regards to a trans person's relationship to people who have our deadname, it can be a bit jarring at first but mostly it's just kind of normal, and not something super fixated on. However, I know so, so many people who just on principle will not date anyone with their deadname. (Out of the sample size of 6 people who I have been in a relationship with, 1 has shared my deadname, but did not generally go by it.) I also met someone who would block everyone they came across online who had their deadname, but they were very newly self-recognized as trans at the time. I find it gets more benign feeling with time.

I think maybe having a sort of meetcute where the trans man who maybe recently changed his legal name looks up when he's called for something paperwork-adjacent (maybe for Americans that would be the DMV or something?) and thus notices this other person. But I don't think this would really benefit from being emphasized beyond that.

I encourage other trans folks to reply with your thoughts though!

-mod nat

*I specify "openly" because I understand that sometimes closeted people do things that would only be socially acceptable to the wider trans community if it were known that this person was trans. While any trans person should theoretically be comfortable with this kind of thing, there are many instances of closeted writers feeling coerced out of the closet because someone tried to call them on cis privilege. If a closeted author isn't ready to come out, I'd advise against doing things which may only be seen as acceptable if it is known that you are trans. In cases where you're representing or portraying the community in some public way, it matters that the audience knows who is getting amplified. It's also true that being out (by choice or not) comes with unique danger, and we need to ensure safety of people who are out in order to ensure safety for people who are closeted.

[mintraindrop]

for the ask game

💊, 🍄, and who u watch with

ooh, three questions in one ask. I like this.

before I start. I literally can’t decide between Oscar and Lando as my favorite drivers - but luckily you asked two questions about favorite drivers, so I'll answer one with Lando and the other with Oscar :)) hope, that’s alright.

💊 what’s one narrative/take about your favourite driver that annoys you?

this one was made for Lando. I don’t even know where to start. and the word annoying isn't nearly enough to describe my feelings about this but here's my answer.

first and foremost it's discrediting him just because he is brave enough to openly talk about mental health; his own struggles in particular. starting with the comments from Helmut last year all the way to some assholes in comment sections online. in a world as cruel and chaotic as this we should be happy to have people like him. people who know what they're talking about - even tho that is nothing I wish on anyone. mental health issues are a terrible thing to have -, who speak on everyone else's behalf, who are famous enough to reach many people, to draw attention to a problem as big as the mental health topic. people who use their status for something good.

instead he recieves all these unnecessary comments and hate (...hate is always unnecessary but you know what I mean). it’s like nothing he does will ever be enough. and the fact that all these people are in no place to have an opinion like that. most of them have close to no idea what they're talking about and idk if they know what their statements do to him - because they are getting to him one way or another, there is no way around - but either way they should be ashamed of themselves. in no situation is it okay to bring someone down - even further - with hateful comments.

the fact that Lando speaks so openly about his struggles, about how he overanalyzes things and how adamant he is about learning from his mistakes and getting it right definitely makes him WDC material. it's everything that's usually used against him and I'm sick of reading all of this. if you don't have anything nice to say or can at least help with constructive criticism, shut your damn mouth.

🍄 if you could ask your favourite driver a question, what would you ask?

if I were to meet Oscar I probably wouldn’t be able to say anything, let alone form a thought coherent enough to actually get a suitable question out of my mouth.

the first one that comes to mind would be if it'd be okay to get a selfie with him. or if he could sign smth for me. but that's boring and honestly if I get a few moments to actually ask him a question I'd want it to count as something worth his time.

maybe I'd ask him how he keeps as calm as he is. or if he himself really feels as calm as he appears all the time or if he knows how amazing he is and that he changed so many people's lives for the better.

but I'd also want to know if his hair is as fluffy as it looks or I'd ask him about the heart eyes he has for Lando. and that fond look. and if he'd like to elaborate on that. that would be quite interesting tbh.

📺 who do you watch f1 with?

I usually watch it alone - to be able to shout at anything that happens without giving it a second thought.

but sometimes when my boyfriend's over on race day we watch it together. he's actually the one who introduced me to the rabbit hole that is f1. so he now has to live with me being overly excited about anything f1.

[goodluckclove]

tw for drugs and sex mentions

yo clove not writing related but do you think it's normal to have not tried recreational drugs by 15 and not particularly want to find them? I've seen people making fun of people for it, along with not having sex which is also concerning to me as a sex-repulsed aroace person (caedosexual and demialterous/aroflux). I'm really anxious about stuff like this so I'd love ur opinion if you're comfortable answering stuff like this, I trust you a lot and you seem like a smart and knowledgeable adult so if you say it's fine I'll probably stop worrying

Hey man if you want to get real let's get real. I won't get too descriptive, but I do agree some people may need the tw so I'll put this under a Read More. Generally my answer is that younger people have a warped view of what warrants maturity and adulthood and a lot of the stuff that they think represents being a Cool Grown Up is actually not meant to be that profoundly world-changing in my opinion. This is especially true for all the stuff that is designed to spike your dopamine, unless in cases where it's being used medicinally (and even then it's case-by-case on if it's really medicinal).

Let's get into it!

So first off let me say the three big things that make me kind of biased to talk about stuff like this.

I am an alloromantic, sex-repulsed asexual

I am an addict

I am a child of addicts

I'll tackle sex first just to get it out of the way, and because I think it'll be easier to answer. Teenagers are one of the most brutal species on the goddamned planet (second only to middle schoolers and that sludge in Chernobyl that kills you immediately if you look at it), and I know for a fact they'll find a way to make fun of you for anything. I didn't know I was asexual in high school. I was an out lesbian at the time - I actually came out on our school broadcast for a GSA ad that ended up playing at least twice a month all year. People were more...too into it, which is also bad.

Mean Teens might say some dumb shit. That sucks, but you'll live. There will be way more Mean Teens that have an opinion on your sex life than there will be Asshole Adults. Like way more. I am open about being an asexual marriage and the worst I get is like "what if you want kids" which - you know - you can shut that down quick.

What matters is what you think about yourself, and the cool truth is that if you go through your whole life never wanting to have sex your life will be very close to unchanged in the grand scheme of things. I'll probably never want to eat a whole olive, and Riley thinks that's crazy because they love olives. But we will both see the same amount of sunsets and cool birds, and we were both eat roughly the amount of yummy snacks and have the same amount of adventures.

I've had sex. Ladies. No, seriously though - it's fine. It's okay. I remember yearning for it for years (I was actually wanting intimacy oops), and when it finally happened I was like oh. that's it? okay. There was a point when my girlfriend at the time actually entered me and I was immediately confused because I had no idea what she was trying to do. I remember I furrowed my brow like I was trying to understand Improv Jazz.

I laughed. i did laugh. That is not great for two people having sex for the first time.

Anyways, I had a few sexual partners and just kind of assumed they were all bad at sex or I was doing something wrong for some reason. Then I met Riley and they were openly ace, and something just clicked in me. I'm still aesthetically and sensually attracted to them (I use sensually in terms that aren't sexual), but there's really no pressure there and we aren't worried about it. And it's awesome.

If someone makes you feel weird about not having sex or a romantic attraction to people then you should feel a little bad for them, because that seems like a thing that a person would only do if they had very little else going on in their lives. That's some bland-ass khaki shit.

Onto intoxicants! So before I moved to Portland I lived in San Jose, California, and shortly after weed was legalized my parents had me start smoking with them - I was 18 - and I ended up being heavily addicted for about three years. This is a divisive thing to say because I know there's some argument about whether or not weed can even be addictive. Let me just say right now, I'm not about to have that argument. I detoxed for about three weeks and I genuinely thought I was dying. Like, I said my "last words" to my mother when she came to check on me. It was rough.

I am not anti-weed. I know it can be an amazing tool for people with certain medical conditions. And if you don't have a history of addiction, it's probably fine to smoke a bowl or a joint every so often and just have that be the end of it. I mean, it's so easy to find now.

Weed is fun, though. That's kind of the reason why it developed it's own culture and persona. The same can be said with alcohol. People definitely have opinions on IPAs. But if someone is so invested in what is essentially little more than an economic industry, that they feel the need to judge you for - spending your money on other stuff? That's piss wizard shit.

Weed is fun, yes, but it is expensive. If someone says they have cheap weed it's probably shit and you need to smoke a lot, or they got it through means that aren't great. And going out to bars also gets costly quick. I still go sometimes, but I limit myself to one fun cocktail.

You can also still go to bars if you want - when you're older, I mean. They can be a good place to meet people and see shows. A lot of them have cool non-alcoholic options - I like when there's a kombucha on tap - or they even have mocktails that are still cool mixed drinks with no alcohol. But they all have Coke or whatever.

There's literally a bar by my house that I go to and I only order the French fries and a Coke. Nobody cares. Getting drunk can be fun if you're in the right situation, but I don't consider it worth the hangover. Getting high can also be fun in the right situation, but edibles taste like trash and if you smoke you're essentially a smoker and that's it's own stigma. What's the alternative - vaping?

Oh my god, vaping? Come on. I have friends that vape and you know how many of them only do it because they're addicted? All of them. Shit sucks. I don't judge them, but I can see them cringe every time they have to hit it.

Also don't let people talk to you about that Delta-8/9 shit. Yeah, it's stronger. Yeah, it's unregulated. But like - it's unregulated and we have no goddamned clue what it'll do in the long run.

Getting high is fun because you don't have to exist in the world for a while and that's great, but it ultimately doesn't solve anything. When I'd smoke a bunch of weed and sativa alone in my bedroom (Hey don't do that! Bad idea! Really bad! My parents knew I was doing this and they allowed it because they are bad people!), I'd giggle and fuck around and eat a lot of snacks, but the next morning all the shit I was trying to escape was still there. Only difference was that now I had to go out and drop another 60 bucks on an eighth to get me through the next two weeks.

A lot of people want to have sex and get drunk or high so they can think of something else other than their current situation for like fifteen minutes to six hours. if you don't want to do either of that, and you're not going absolutely insane, that seems pretty cool. I can cite all the studies that say that a lot of that kind of stuff can actually stunt your development if you get into it too early (Or at all, really), but you don't need me to do that. You know that's the case. I knew that and I still OD'd on weed twice before the age of 21.

You're good, man. It's not a culture when you do that this young, it's a coping skill. And if you found a different one that's going to be way better for you in the long run. You can still have fun and make friends, you can even still have a partner in life if you find that's something you want. Your life is might seem limited in a few ways - but it's actually far more open in many, many other ones.

I don't mind questions like these all, by the way. Thanks for trusting me!

[filthyloveforemesis]

Hehehe, sorry for consecutive posts but this is my journal now... Saw a post where someone had a lucky experience of witnessing a sickie and some lovely memories surfaced, although I wasn't as lucky to be a witness 😭😭

Back in school, when I was finally brave enough to search "people vomiting" in YouTube and desensitise myself (I was into emeto as far as I remember and I actually vividly recall a day when my curious 6 y/o naive brain decided to ask my mom about vomit and stuffs which my poor mom took it as a sign of me being sick but trying to brace through 😭💗)

Hard to believe how nauseous yet aroused I'd feel from the graphic videos and when my mind was clear enough, couldn't eat food for a good while but that's irrelevant.

But yea, my lights only lit up recently, I was pretty dumb and ran my mouth a lot and surprisingly, I had a pushover for a best friend (bonus ! She has a weak stomach). It probably started around grade 5 or 6 when I'd just randomly say "hey, ain't it kinda interesting and fun and exciting (couldn't tell I was feeling horny and didn't know I should be cooped up during a time like this lol) to see and think how people vomit ?" It didn't take her much to agree with me, I wonder if she was really into it too or I conditioned it or simply being the pushover she is but I ended up with lovely stories nonetheless 😭😭 She'd actually go into details every time I asked about it.

Once in grade 6, we were sitting on opposite corners and she was so far but I could see her because I was seated behind and her in the front. I did everything other than paying attention in the class and naturally it was directed to her since she's my best friend. I saw her bow down and hide her face but couldn't guess what it was, thought she dropped something. Then after few seconds, she held a handkerchief on hand to ask for teacher's permission to go to washroom, she then slapped that piece of cloth to her mouth and ran away. (The restroom was on 3rd floor and we were on 5th). It was near break time so I was really desperate for the class to end since I figured what happened (or at least hoped for my fantasies to come true). I couldn't wait so I asked teacher to let me go too, teacher asked me to be patient for another 10 min but I made up excuses (perks of being a girl lol) but by the time I reached, she was already finished and was washing away her vomit from the sink. I was so disappointed (wise enough not to say it out loud thankfully) but I rubbed her back nonetheless and started helping her to clean up.... Outside it must have looked like I was some selfless person but in reality, I was feeding my deranged fantasy. I so hoped that she'd start throwing up again but that didn't happen till two classes after the break and apparently the nurse saw her puke the first time so when she was there again puking for the second time, the nurse asked her to visit infirmary and rest there for a while. Apparently she threw up again after taking antacids so that's a total of 3 times she puked. The nurse contacted our teacher and said that the student is sick and needs to get home, since her bag was there, I volunteered but teacher won't let me 😭😭 after gruelling hours and school and way back home, I find messages in mom's keypad phone from her father's number (suffice to say that they were the owner but we possessed the phones) saying that she has vomited four more times and planning to see doctor after her stomach settles a little. She takes the next day off. Apparently it was a case of food poisoning.

The next incident happened in grade 9, We had a conflict before and were still recovering from that so I didn't keep much tab.... and I was too occupied with my bf but we occasionally chatted, although not as openly as before but yea ... To make matters worse, we were assigned to seperate classes so we could only meet in break time, anyways, the classes were adjacent and the windows faced corridor, saw her go towards washroom with a classmate. That was around the second period. Didn't notice for the next two periods but when I went to her class during break, couldn't find her. After going home, asked if everything was alright and she said she apparently puked over 5 times at school and 4-5 times at home and still wasn't done. I asked her to go into details and she said that she has been feeling queasy but that's her regular routine but by the end of first period, she could feel the nausea was serious. She didn't think she'd throw up but just to be cautious, she wanted to at least wash her face. She's already shy and above all, too sick to ask the teacher, the classmate I saw her with noticed something was off (seated close) and asked if everything is alright, maybe she made some expression to give away that she's nauseous, didn't mention so I stick to her slapping her palm to mouth. The girl asked the teacher if she could take my best friend to the washroom since she wasn't feeling well and thankfully the washroom was near this time, on the same floor. Apparently she herself didn't know how severe it was until she crossed the door. And as she said, the sight of washroom door was enough to make her gag and the food rush up. She ran and puked her guts out while that classmate continued to rub her back. That was the first time and apparently a lot came up in one heave... Like... There are times when there are lots of heaving where only small amount comes up and there are times someone is finished with three or four heaves but the vomit rushes like a faucet running in full speed. But damn, she heaved a lot of times and a lot came up according to her, like there was no break ! (I started regretting ever having conflict or being seperated). So after she was done vomiting, she started to wash her mouth when she started to feel sick again and welp, the second time too, that classmate got to witness... After that, they returned to classroom and when she apologized for disgusting display, the other girl said that it's alright and she's rather worried about her health. Glad there was someone genuinely concerned because if I had the memory video taped in my brain, I'd permanently touch myself while playing it in my mind... Apparently for the third time too the girl accompanied but for the fourth time, no teacher was there so she could rush to the wc alone. Again it was a cleaning staff who suggested her to go home and she also attested to the fact that she herself saw my best friend get violently sick to our sceptical teacher who thought my best friend was making up lies.

I just wish I at least was there for the first round !! 😭😭 I've only ever seen her gag but never vomit. Some people gag loudly but are silent when vomit comes up with occasional sounds of burps... I wonder what's it like for her, but she sure has distinctive gag. I don't fkin understand my preferences but damn I didn't spare my best friend ! In my defence, she was hot... Her fault for being hot and on top of that, HAVING A SENSITIVE STOMACH WITH A SEXY DRY HEAVE.... Imagine a curvy exactly where a degenerate like it with a stomach bloated enough to show movements through the intrusive piece of cloth, trying to keep her long hair away from getting messed up while holding onto chest in hopes for relief while waiting for the inevitable.... God I can vividly picture her in a camisole, sitting by a toilet and waiting for vomit to come up... Thankfully, even though I can't figure out my specific preferences, I at least know that emotional attachment is not one of the criteria and I can totally not get horny hearing about specific person talking about their vomiting stories and genuinely worry.... Or at least stay neutral. I remember how I came to be friends with another sensitive stomach girl who'd often text "just threw up" or "threw up in the (time)"... The idea is sexy but the person depends.... Would've excused myself for me time if it were my best friend but I could genuinely worry about this girl... Oh lord, I love my brain for retaining vivid memories of these instances 😭😭💗 My next destination now would be ThisVid... See you around !

[florenceisfalling]

just a disclaimer regarding a recent barrage of false accusations with me bc ive decided im tired of not defending myself

my ex has posted a lot of things, these are the ones i can remember (me looking at her blog is bad for the both of us, so im not going to check if i missed anything)

i did not have sex with anybody else

i also did not kiss anybody else, or anything she could have been implying re: any "risk" of illness

i did not get into an argument with her that led to her hospitalization. when speaking to her other partner (the one she called X), she stated that she JUST had a nightmare.

she did not actually attempt, and was not in any physical danger after a small injury; she went to work the next day and didn't get hospitalized until after she talked to an authority about how she worried she MIGHT hurt herself worse. <- not downplaying what actually happened, it was really tough, but she is lying about it

X did not tell her "some" of the truth. they told her everything, and she agreed for months before now.

i did not quote her "asking [me] to stop cheating" as an "unfair request". i quoted her referring to me as the dehumanizing phrase "public property," which was said to me when i was not doing anything romantic or sexual with other people. this was in a song that spoke of her positively, which she openly admitted to misunderstanding once i explained it to her.

i do not owe her money. i offered some to be helpful while we were still aiming for friendship, and i was begging her not to take anything out on X, but she is now calling my loved ones to try to convince them that i have some actual debt to her. X ALSO doesnt owe her money for the trip, because she promised repeatedly while planning process that they would not have to pay her back if they broke up/things went wrong

i did not post anyone in a romantic context other than her. she was told that i did by someone who tried to convince her to cheat on me last year. additionally, when asked to take down the posts, i did, even though they were my friends just doing school stuff

i also did not plan the road trip the way she talks about it. i wanted to visit her as a priority and also visit at least 5 of my friends as a little buddy trip. this didn't actually happen, i just visited her.

once again reiterating: i did not have sex with anybody other than her

i never called her "clocky," she probably assumed this post (and other posts i made about my self-identified "clocky" transfem friends online, who were experiencing harassment post-p.redstrogen situation) was about her somehow. she is not transfem; trying to make transfem bottom surgery experiences or anything else into "experiences [she] had" is disingenuous. she's a femme woman, i validated and argued for her visible and personal femininity; if i failed in some regards, that is my bad. but telling a trans person in a t4t relationship that they need to "get help" because you used to feel jealous about them uplifting tgirls is just transphobic. acting like its a defense of transfems is even worse. and claiming my love for tgirls is solely a sexual, comptop, anti-surgery thing is especially frustrating when she repeatedly failed to accept that i do top and want a phalloplasty.

i never threatened her, nor did i talk about "gathering information on her." all i said was that, in the same way i could tell when her ex was stalking me, i might see if she was block evading me, on a post that she only could have seen if she was block evading me

i didn't publicly air out my side through that song or through vent posts. i haven't taken down any of my vent posts, you can look through them, many of them had nothing to do with her and all of them avoided details.

i also did not orchestrate a fucking drive-by shooting. i never thought i'd have to clarify this . she also presumably doesn't actually believe i did, since she still texts my roommate pictures of squirrels, which isn't "dealing with accomplices to murder schemes" behavior

i did not pressure X into anything, send her messages about how they weren't compatible, convince them of that, or get between them and her. i was the one trying to convince them to go visit her and make the flight, trying to help her out, but they couldn't because they were literally worried sick.

i wasn't even in a real relationship with her when X was supposed to go on that trip; she wanted to split up and even had my number muted but insisted that i still follow "rules" and call her my fiancee until she was ready to let me go

i did not say she "got owned" and my friends did not behave as a public "echochamber"; none of my friends talked with me about it except in private conversations she had no exposure to

i did not treat her like a sexual object. part of the issue with her false accusations about my sex life is that i was so detached from my sexuality from the entirety of spring break until the end of august that i started identifying as ace for a period. during this time, she yelled at me after i was too busy crying to have sex with her. over the summer i started cutting recreationally, but was careful not to do it in a bad mood to avoid habit-forming; during a serious argument she guilt tripped about how i hadn't yet carved her initials into my thigh before i was ready. she unsafely/improperly tried to choke me without discussing it beforehand, admitting that she looked up the right way a while ago but didn't remember. serious mental health struggles for me were reduced to being obstacles for my sexuality. i cannot emphasize enough how objectifying it feels from my end to have a semester of incredibly tough friendship situations boiled down to "oh you must be having sex with other people," followed by constant sexual bids for connection to fix the relationship that often failed to respect notions of enthusiastic consent.

all of the things i did do, are by her own definition, not sex, were equivalent to what she did with her own friends during our relationship, and went completely unaddressed by her anyway, so i am not even going to bother defending myself on those when she'd rather make up new accusations baselessly

in the imaginary world where i did have sex with other people, that does not excuse the cornering me by regularly threatening suicide, the belittling me for not "centering" her on two separate occasions where my friends DID attempt suicide and i was called for help (during one of these situations she vent posted about me not talking to her while i was literally writing statements ordered by campus police), the vivid descriptions to my face of how badly she wanted to physically hurt me and my loved ones, the direct ableism as well as vitriol and unwanted sexual comments towards my alters, the biphobia and transmisogyny rampant in claiming my love for transfems has anything to do with "girlcock," her telling me to my face that me giving her less attention again would be "worse" to her than me dying gruesomely, the sexual harassment she now is doing in the form of posting details and lies about my sex life to her public blogs as revenge, and so on.

lastly, any claims that she has to post publicly to get my attention aren't true. she does still contact me. she unblocked me to send and unsend me messages before.

i'm glad she's trying to live a more fulfilling life now, and i am too; im in therapy, in better communication with family, etc. but things are way out of hand and i cannot keep prioritizing her peace over mine when i am not hers anymore.

this is NOT a callout post, i do not want this to circulate, i do not want anyone to contact her, i want people to have a disclaimer on ME before making assumptions so here it is. anyone i see adding her name to this post, spreading it, sharing it with her, etc is getting blocked immediately. this doesn't even scratch the surface of what went wrong or what happened throughout our relationship, but it at least addresses the immediate accusations. this post is not directed at her, its directed at people who approach me about her, and i have no interest in arguing with her anymore- i want her to be able to move on and be happy, very, very far away from me.

[thecoolerliauditore]

Hello! I've seen a mutual reblog your posts for a while, and everything I've seen you say about Flower Husbands having a bad taste associated with it is something I've felt since 3rd Life, and although I am on anon, I wanted to connect your thoughts with mine.

I'm one of those people who made posts about toxic flower husbands in the past, but I privated them after rapidly receiving tense, uncomfortable response from others who found those posts (despite me not using the flower husbands tag, placing it under a Keep Reading, and very clearly saying I would discuss toxicity). Even with those warnings, within the hour I was facing multiple angry people telling me they hated the interpretation and that it was unfair, etc.

Current me regrets that I caved in and hid those posts, but I felt so overwhelmed that it seemed easy and safe to shut my mouth, no longer gushing over how much I enjoyed them as a way to explore relationship toxicity. In my other fandoms I regularly and openly discuss toxicity, so it was such a shock to see it pushed against in a new fandom and I think that's why I caved so fast. I felt like I'd stumbled across a place with new social norms or that I'd genuinely said something super politically incorrect, and I haven't posted about them since.

I looked through some of your posts and I've seen other anons tell you the same thing about feeling like flower husbands came across as toxic, but holding their tongues to avoid upsetting people. It's a very unfortunate situation, especially since the toxicity is so interesting to explore.

Really, I wanted to say that I've enjoyed reading your thoughts. It makes me feel hopeful that views might be changing. Not in an "I want flower husbands shippers to have a hard time" way (I wish no ill) but in a "Hey, maybe I can find my people out there and maybe I can write posts or fics that will be well-received this time."

I really liked the comment from the anon who said "It's rare to be able to get stories where people have problems and break up and move on to new relationships and grow from them." I absolutely feel that way and these are my favorite relationships to study. Seeing it play out in canon is such a rare and beautiful thing, and it's something I was very excited to write about before I fell into a nervous spiral thanks to the pushback my mere analysis post got, let alone an actual fic. I hope someday soon, I can write something beautifully toxic for them that I'm proud of.

Thank you for your posts, which are very interesting and informative. For those of us like the past me who wanted to avoid stepping on toes, certain relationships in this fandom can be tricky. I'm someone who liked to brainstorm about Scott and Pearl being arranged in marriage due to the soulmate bond, only to immediately be bombarded with comments that it was inappropriate and I should change the story (or that I needed to explicitly tell readers that Scott felt no attraction towards Pearl)... the usual rhetoric. How interesting that I don't get comments about sexuality when I write aroace characters in arranged marriages (and boy, isn't that a whole convo in itself?)

Scott and Pearl are a very interesting duo that I won't delve into here, but I've enjoyed reading your posts about their dynamic as well.

I want to end my comment by rotating one of your other remarks: "I love that we essentially watch them both have to live on after their mutually life-changing marriage." To me, that right there is prime fic exploration and character study material, and I think it's very cool to view Scott and Jimmy through the lens of pulling apart and picking up their splintered pieces.

Once more, thank you for speaking up about your thoughts about Flower Husbands and Scott/Pearl, signed by the past me who was scared to do so once upon a time. I'll probably lurk in the fandom fringes for a while longer until I'm ready to return and stand firm in my toxic interpretations, but until then, it's awesome to know I'm not the only one who sees them through a very specific lens.

Goddamn man. Sorry I don't like getting sappy and shit but like. Goddamn okay this ask kinda hit me like a truck that my posts made someone's day a bit brighter or whatever and that's. Really cool. Really cool that that happened. I read this ask and then had to stare at a wall.

Saying this is the stuff I post for isn't true because I post for no discernable reason whatsoever and I'm endlessly confused at people following this blog. But I really have been more open about my thoughts on the series recently and a big part of that was because I used to fish around for people who were okay with certain things through essentially communicating in symbols. And I hate policing fandom stuff alot alot. So I kind of decided to stop being a hypocrite and stop policing myself too.

Idk I think part of me might've hoped someone like fandom newbie me would happen upon my blog and see that it's Okay, Actually to post about FH as an abuse narrative or Scott/Pearl as a ship or Joel/Jimmy as a ship or Lizzie as comphet or literally any other thing that's deemed too illegal for the maintags and see that not only will everyone not hate you theres actually others who see the same things and are just as passionate.

I think my breaking point was just. Seeing my mutuals get blasted by complete strangers for completely harmless stuff? The Joel/Jimmy kiss in RL and the Joelshipping war that ensued from it comes to mind.

There was this one post I really liked that was like. A social group that makes you feel scared to say the wrong thing constantly isn't a group that loves you. And that's so true.

Idk I just like. I don't post because I hope people agree with me (although I do like it when I'm correct and God and whatever), I post because I hope someone can look at this and see it as a sign they can also post their bad takes and not fear divine retribution.

Anyway if it makes you feel any more hopeful -- things ARE actually changing culturally, at least from what I can tell. Someone mentioned majormoon in the tags of my art that wasn't even shipping the other day, and while the Scott tag itself is still very attached to his wholesomeness, I actually found the sheer number of people being open about reading Scott as toxic at the start of WL quite surprising?? It seems like the Pearl and Ranchers fans especially are very keen to pick him apart, as are the Ethubs fans for some unknown reason I haven't quite figured out yet. It's not quite hit the stage of that discussion being about Scott himself but it's very much acknowledged now when it comes to other narratives.

It's not all just weirdos with rambling text posts like me btw!! My buddy Tubby of the Tarchia variety made a really awesome music video that got fairly popular depicting Jimmy's abuse, albeit in a mostly symbolic way but still fairly blunt with its message imo.

i have also absolutely seen toxic FH in fics, and would be really curious about reading some of the ones I've seen get complained about in the Scott tag lol.

Scott/Pearl fics are a little rarer and especially so ones that arent plastered with PLATONIC THIS IS PLATONIC all over them but I think it's saying something that they semi recently got runners up in a Scott ship bracket (losing to FH ironically enough) and the mod actually removed the "QPR" specificity after a few rounds. That being said you can still find very shippy fics of them if you know where to look.

Anyway, obviously no pressure eitherway, just giving you the run down of what the view looks like from here. Whoa I made someone's day a bit better. Messing me up.

No stress obviously but I would LOVE to read that arranged marriage AU btw, it's more or less what DL was to me thematics wise. (I've pondered something very similar before but it's more or less just a collection of tropes I like. LL is represented by them being childhood friends)

[active-mind-15]

Headcanons for Akashi when he's sad 😔

I did a cute one last night for Akashi laughing, so I thought I'd flip the script and break y'alls hearts rq with some headcanons I have for when Akashi isn't feeling all too great.

First of all, let's start with any canon material we have of Akashi being openly sad. There really isn't much. The only times we see him like that in the main series are at his mother's funeral as a child during that flashback, and then directly after he lost to Seirin. Even with the second instance, he tried to hold in his tears as best as he could and still put on a brave smile to go and shake hands with Kuroko. Aside from that, the only other instance I can think of is during the drama CD (season 3 volume 9) where he had a bit of an argument with Murasakibara.

Canonically, we know why he is almost never openly sad. With such high expectations placed on him by his father, the superintendents of Teiko, and even himself, showing sadness was a form of weakness. This is why, despite the fact that he was clearly overwhelmed with too much work throughout his entire childhood, he never complained. His father likely drilled that mentality into him to just suck it up and keep it pushing, because Akashi wasn't even allowed time to process his grief after losing his mother, the only support system he ever had. With this information in mind, let's get into my headcanons.

First of all, what makes Akashi upset? The first thing I can think of is his massive workload paired with the high expectations placed on him. There are probably some days when all of it is just too overwhelming and he gets stressed out, worried that he won't be able to handle it all. Whenever Akashi switches personalities in the series, it's always during a crucial basketball match. But I personally feel like if he's stressed with work all the time, he's constantly teetering on the edge of dissociating but ends up not. I can imagine him in his dorm after a long day of school trying to finish assignments late into the night, and he's desperately fighting to remain present and in the moment. It probably happens more than people think, and to avoid giving into his other self and letting him take over is something he has to do on a regular basis.

The second thing is when he feels like he hasn't been a good friend. Post-Winter Cup, Akashi tries really hard to reconnect with Kuroko and the other GoM more than he used to back in middle school. And given how he had to salvage his friendships with his former and current teams after almost ruining them both, post-Winter Cup Akashi is probably very insecure about his own ability to be a good friend to others. For example, in season 3 volume 9 of the drama CDs when he and Murasakibara had a quarrel, Murasakibara mentioned that Akashi had no idea how he felt at all before hanging up the phone. That comment stuck with Akashi, so much so that all three of the Uncrowned Kings noticed and essentially staged an intervention in the clubroom because Akashi looked so visibly bothered that it freaked them out. You can tell that he cares about his friends as well as what they think of him. He wants to be someone they can trust and depend on, but when he feels like he's missed the mark, he gets upset about it each and every time because, really and truly, he's trying his very best.

What does he look like when he's sad? The thing about Akashi is that he still sometimes has trouble letting himself be upset because he's busy and has no time for breakdowns (probably why he prefers to dissociate instead since he'd rather just detach himself from reality and not feel anything at all). As a result, he tends to bottle a lot of things up until they all spill out later, and I can see it manifesting in two ways.

1: panic attacks. With what this boy has been through, it would not surprise me in the slightest if he ever had panic attacks. If he somehow managed to avoid them throughout his entire childhood, then I think his first panic attack would come after losing the Winter Cup finals because this is the first time in his life he's ever lost at anything and he feels like his entire world is falling apart. He'd probably be hit with an overwhelming fear of what would happen to him after losing the finals, especially with how much his father emphasized victory and success over everything. And the idea of being a disappointment and disgracing his family name would probably just tear this poor boy apart. And these panic attacks are not pretty. He's hyperventilating and gasping through sobs that he desperately tries to quiet to no avail, and he trembles so badly that he can barely keep himself upright. Not good at all.

2: full system shutdown. Maybe I'm projecting my own personal experiences for this one, but I think if there was a day when he was just so stressed and tired or maybe he got news that was so devastating, his body would refuse to cope and he would just... switch off. That could mean sleeping in the middle of the day for long stretches of time because he can't handle being awake, and then when he is awake, his mind is static and he's totally nonverbal, normally for several hours. Also not good at all.

The only person who's ever seen him in the middle of either one of these types of breakdowns is Mibuchi. The first time was accidental because Akashi didn't have the foresight to lock the door at that moment. But after Mibuchi is able to calm him down/bring him back to reality, then for every time after, Akashi will actively seek out Mibuchi if he feels like he's on the verge of a breakdown. Eventually, he opens up about it to the other Uncrowned Kings and they're very supportive and tell Akashi to let them know if there's any way they can help him (he actually has to hold back tears for that).

I have a separate headcanon that post-Winter Cup Akashi eventually starts going to therapy because he realizes he could really use it, and so I would think with time, he develops better coping mechanisms and also knows how to calm himself down before getting to the point of a breakdown. (He still seeks Mibuchi out, though, cuz sometimes he just needs a hug. Is that so wrong?)

He also learns to just experience his emotions as they come and for what they are. Positive or negative, either way, all emotions are valid, and instead of hiding from sadness, you should feel it and then let it pass. Through that, he's able to make peace with himself and not be so hard on himself anymore.

Anyway, I have no idea where to end it, so I'll leave it here because I'm literally falling asleep as I write this. I need to go to bed. For anyone who I've punched in the gut with these headcanons... I'm not sorry. Bye now! 😃