#If she flew on a plane it would also suck tho | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years ago

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(not angst here, sorry) So, Jumin said he had a imaginary friend at 7 (this maybe this is a joke), but what if it was real? What if it was at the island he was sent alone at 6? And what if it wasn't imaginary? But a kid that it wasn't supposed to be there (because their mother worked there) and what if it was a girl? And Jumin meets her again there??

AH ANON THATS ADORABLE AND I LOVE IT

Also might make it a series?? Oooo thank you for the idea nonny!

And I added some music too. I dunno why but you can listen to it while you read it tho!

Imaginary Friend: (Jumin x Fem!MC) Part 1

Song:

You looked at the huge mansion in front of you. You had never seen a house as big as this one, and you always wondered if the people there sometimes got lost on the way to the bathroom, or the kitchen.

You imagined the way the house must’ve looked. Did it have a library? It probably did, with so many books that you might never be able to finish, no matter if you spent your whole life there. Was there a pool? Maybe a garden? You wondered what it looked like. You had seen that in some rich people’s homes the gardens all had funny bushes in shape of animals, or people. You thought it was kind of dumb, really, to have a bush shaped as an elephant, but you also really wanted to see one for some reason. It was silly, really. You wondered what it must be like, living in that huge house. Was the person living there lonely? Did they like it, or where they sad about it?

Walking in those cold halls at night, no one around to say goodnight, to tuck you away or give you a goodnight kiss.

It felt...sad.

As you wondered what the person living there must be like, you suddenly felt a cold hand tightly grab your arm, and you quickly looked to the side.

Your mother glared at you through her glasses, a stern look on her face. “Did you hear what I said, Y/N?”

You didn’t. But you didn’t really want to tell her that, you didn’t know what she might do. But you gulped and slowly nodded, admitting your crime. I mean the punishment might be worse if she did find out you had been lying.

Your mother let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed her temples in annoyance. She always did that, was always annoyed with everything and everyone. She wasn’t always like that though, you had vague memories of her smiling and dancing with you in your huge living room. That was before...well before everything went to shit.

Michelle was a tutor. She had been a teacher on one of the best private schools before though.. She was a strict woman, with very little patience, and she shed no mercy for her students. It was the same for her daughter. Your mother had become like that when your father, the CEO of a very prestigious company left her for his receptionist, a man named Kyle. You never got why your mother hated him so much, since you remember that whenever you went to visit your father, Kyle would be ready for you with a huge bag of candy, and hey, who would hate someone who always gave you such delicacies?

Still, your mother obviously didn’t care for the candy, and she was filled with an immense rage. That was when she began to change. First she threw every possession of your father in the trash and burned it. Then she promised that she would never marry again, after many failed attempts to get another partner. Your mother became colder after you had to sell your house, and move to South Korea, Seoul with the little money you had left.

There she managed to find plenty of jobs that paid well, money seemed to be the only thing that satisfied her. And so, when she got the chance to teach the son of a billionare owner of one of the most famous companies in Seoul, your mother couldn’t refuse. She was the perfect candidate, she was a smart woman who had many achievements after all. Thus, a week later after that strange phone call she didn’t hestitate when she pulled you out of your school, packed your bags and flew you to an island that you had never heard of before. She of course had to bring you, I mean what else could she have done? She made it abundantly clear though that you were a weight on her shoulders that she hated carrying.

“Y/N!!” Your mother shouted again, and you nervously looked at her. She pushed you away from the huge mansion, instantly pulling you away from your daydreaming of whoever might be living there. “Listen darling, I’ve explained this to you on the plane, but I’ll do it again, since I’m sure it went through one ear and out of the other. You need to follow my every order in here alright? This is a very important opportunity for mommy, and you can’t screw this up.” She glared at you when she said that and you guiltily looked at the ground. She was always afraid you were going to somehow screw up even at the simplest of things. “I will be teaching a boy here. His father hired me to tutor him for a whole year, but we might get more if we’re lucky. When I’m away I’m going to need you to stay in your new room to keep busy, I don’t want you to move from there, alright?”

Hearinf that you excitedly turned around and gave your mother a big smile. “Mum, will we be living in that mansion?! And is there really a boy?! Can I meet him?”

“Absolutely not. We won’t be living there, and you won’t even set a foot on that place. We’ll be living on a place nearby. Look here we are.” Your mother pointed behind you while she said it.

You turned to look and felt your stomach drop as you looked at your new...home.

Having stared at the magnificent mansion and your hopes just going through the roof, what you felt as you looked at the sad little house in front of you was greater than disappointment.

It was awful. You wrinkled your nose as your mother pushed you to keep up with her, as she took out a set of keys and opened the ugly little door.

The home was...actually pretty nice. But not as nice as a mansion. The walls were a very dull white, and the first thing you saw was a boring living room, the a brown leather couch in the middle, with a TV hanging on the wall. Someone had put some paintings to hang on the walls, as if to try and make the place look livelier, but they had clearly failed. You saw that on the two walls of the living room were four sets of doors, two o each wall. While your mother went out to talk to the men behind you carrying your luggage, you decided to go and explore. First you went to the last door on the right, behind the couch, and you opened it to find a big room.

It was the master bedroom, that was probably were your mother was staying. The room was actually quite spacious, with a big king bed in the center of the wall, and a wooden desk on the side. On the corner of the room there was another door, which led to a bathroom that contained a bath tub and, well, the things that bathrooms have. It was nothing special but it did look pretty, like those fancy hotel bathrooms you had seen before on trips with your mom and dad.

You quickly left the room and opened the door beside it. It led to the kitchen. Why did the kitchen have a door? Who the hell knows, you are a 7 year old kid, not an architect, so you couldn’t really answer the question. Still the kitchen wasn’t that bad. It was still the same dull white, like the whole house, but it was pretty. Off to the side was a little room that had a washing machine, and a dryer. Boring.

You left and went to the other side of the living room. Your mother was now standing in the main doorway, screaming at the poor moving staff guys. You felt bad for them, since you knew that your mother would never stop once she started nagging at you, and you decided to quickly run away to avoid her anger. When you opened the door you saw a room. It was still big, but smaller than your mothers. It had a huge window, with sliding doors that led to the backyard...or what you assumed was a backyard, since it was mostly forest. The island was pretty green and had a lot of trees, which you thought would be fun climbing.

As you looked at your new room, you thought of all the changes you had to make. First of all, you’re painting all the damn walls because those things are ugly. You’re also going to place those neon star stickers that shine in the dark, your father gave them to you for one of your birthdays, a whole pack, and you had a few you could use on the roof. You mentally planned where to put all your stuffed animals, and your books, although you didn’t have many and they were all boring.

Your mother didn’t like you reading fantasy books, and while you enjoyed a bit reading about the life of Thomas Eddison, or just something about math or biology, you actually didn’t understand jack shit and wanted to read some nice fantasy books. Your father had given you some before but your mother burned them when the whole Kyle scandal happened. Yeah it sucked.

Once again you walked out of your room and opened the last door, which was obviously a bathroom. Then you quickly went inside to your room once again as your mother finished nagging the moving staff. You weren’t dealing with that shit. So you just decided to go and jump on your bed. It was super comfy and you could jump pretty high though you stopped once your mother opened your door and shouted at you to get your ass down from there, dragging a bunch of your boxes into your room and telling you to start unpacking.

That was the most boring evening of your life. You wanted to explore! To see if there was anyone in that mansion! And you also wanted to try and find that boy your mother was talking about. But you couldn’t do any of that, since the next day you had to help unpack more boxes. And then more. And more. Why were there so many boxes?!

Still, finally that hell was over. For you at least. You had your room all in order, your toys off in one side, some books piled on your desk, and the stars on the walls (you weren’t able to reach the ceiling and your mother was in a horrible mood, so you couldn’t really ask her -unless you wanted to die of course.-)

You sat on the couch while your mother unboxed loads of teaching materials, books and everything else. You both stayed quiet until you looked out the window and then back at your mother.

“Mum, I want to visit the boy you’re going to teach. Can you teach us together?” You asked. Your mother didn’t look at you as she replied. “Don’t be silly, of course not. And this boy is learning more advanced things, I’m not sure you’ll be able to catch up.”

You crossed your arms and angrily glared at the floor. Then you looked back up at your mom. “Can I at least go say hi?”

Your mother rolled her eyes, and replied once again without looking at you. “He’s not here yet. He’s coming in two days. And you aren’t permitted to go outside of the house, you’ll be staying here the whole time. I’ll leave some work for you to do so you can keep busy.”

“But-”

“Enough. Now why don’t you go to your room and play a bit? You’re giving mommy a headache.”

You went to your room, sulking of course, as you made up snarky comments you could’ve used on your mum in your mind. Of course you were never going to say them, but it was a nice way to let off some steam. And so, that night you went to bed, still angrily cursing your mother.

Your mom didn’t let you leave your home for a whole week. You didn’t realize that much time had gone by, but when you checked your little calendar hanging on your door, you realized; the boy your mother is teaching must be here already!!! She had started leaving the house everyday, but you never paid that much attention to it. So that day, at 12pm in the afternoon, you finally decided that you were going to explore the place (and find out where the boy your mother talked about lived! -You were suspecting it was the huge mansion you saw back there-)

You put on your coat and your favorite sneakers, quickly left your room, and then popped your head out of the doorway to check that no one was around. Your mother always came home at about 4-5pm, so you had plenty of time. You also had a pretty watch that you had gotten when you turned 6, and you decided to finally use it for what it was meant for (and to not use it just as an accessory because it looked cool.)

When you made sure the coast was clear, you walked down the little path leading to who knows where. But you couldn’t help but walk with a little bounce on your step, excited at what might turn out to be at the end of the path. After walking for a while, looking at insects and picking up pretty flowers you saw on the way a sign. Then farther along there was another house. And then you walked more and there was another one. And then another one. The deeper you went, the more houses appeared and soon you found yourself in a little town of some sorts!

There were more people than you expected, and as you walked you saw that on what appeared to be on the center of the town, there was this huge market!

People there were selling all kinds of fruit, food and dishes, some you didn’t recognize, and some other people were selling flowers, jewelry and clothes. You slowly walked looking at every single thing that the people were selling. The food smelled absolutely delicious, and you loved the patterns of all the clothes.

Then you suddenly bumped into someone.

It was a lady, who appeared to be in her late thirties. You didn’t know this cuz you were a child of course, and kids can’t really guess an adults age. Still, she turned around and was about to shout something at you, when she stopped and then looked down, finally seeing you.

You gave her an apologetic smile, and the woman looked confused for a second before she knelt in front of you and stared at you.

“What are you doing here?” She asked. She sounded a bit mad, but there was a hint of concern there. You gave her the biggest and sweetest smile you could manage, and answered, “I’m exploring of course! I followed the path and I suddenly came here!”

“Is your...guardian anywhere around here? Or did you come alone?” She looked around for someone, anyone who was maybe looking for a lost child. But there was no one.

“Oh you mean mum? She’s somewhere around here. You see, she’s teaching a boy, that lives in that huge mansion!” You pointed where you supposed the mansion was, and the woman raised an eyebrow.

“In the mansion? I don’t think anyone lives there. So is she a teacher? Maybe she could be around here...I’ll help you look for her.”

“No!” You quickly shouted, but then you became still and tried to compose yourself. “Uhm, my mommy...she doesn’t really know I’m here. But you have to promise not to tell! If she finds out she’s going to kill me!”

That didn’t seem to help. But before the woman could answer a hand placed itself on her shoulder, and you looked up at the new person.

It was another lady, and although she seemed to be the same age as the other woman, she appeared younger in a way, more kind and soft.

“Bada, who is this little lady we have here? Don’t tell me you’re going to kidnap her and lock her in with all those other children you’re meaning to cook.”

The woman named Bada glared at the other one, and you immediately felt a chill run down your spine.

Fuck that shit you’re leaving. You quickly turned around but the other lady quickly grabbed you and laughed, a nice bubbly laugh. Your fear of being eaten was even forgotten for a second because the laugh was so contagious.

“I kid, I kid. Bada wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I could you know-”

“And who might you be? Are you lost?” She said, ignoring the other lady.

You quickly shook your head and explained that you were exploring. At that the woman laughed and Bada once again glared at her.

“It’s nothing to laugh about! Her mother must be worried sick. You can’t just run off like that, you know?” She said.

“Ah Bada! Let her have fun, you were once her age too, and you were more adventurous than her....don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true. Let the kid explore for a bit, it’s nothing harmful.” Then she turned to you. “And what might your name be little explorer?”

You smiled. “It’s Y/N! Nice to meet you!”

She smiled back. “Nice to meet you too Y/N, I’m Eun Jung, you can just call me Eun if you want!”

You had always been warned by your mother about ‘stranger danger’ and that you should of course, never talk with someone you don’t know. But these women seemed different. They gave off an aura that...that seemed to tell you they wouldn’t do anything to you.

As you explained to Eun about the bugs and flowers you had seen along the way, you were interrupted by your stomach growling.

Eun laughed and asked if you wanted to come and eat, and well, FOOD, who would deny?

Bada and Eun lived together in a small little house, decorated with all sort of stuff, paintings and flowers. It looked way better than your dull new home. Bada cooked while Eun made you some tea, and you explained why you were living in the island.

“My mum is teaching the boy that lives in that big mansion!” You told her.

Eun laughed and looked at you quizzically. “Are you sure? Last time I checked, no one has lived there for more than 40 years. Maybe your mother is teaching somewhere else.”

“Mmm...but the mansion didn’t look that old! Are you sure there’s no one living there?”

“Of course there isn’t.” Bada chipped in, as she walked in from the kitchen into the living room. Your mouth watered as she placed the food on the little round table in front of you, and you almost immediately forgot about what you were talking about. Bada had made some Kimchi, a food you hadn’t really tried before. You had moved from the UK barely a year ago, and your mother and you never went out to eat, so you never really tried any of the Korean dishes.

You took a bite and let out a satisfied sigh. Then you looked up at Bada and remembered what you were talking about. “Whaddya mwean of cwourse there isn’t? Mhm, there has to be someone right?” You finished saying, while Bada glared at you, probably for speaking while eating.

“If you keep doing that a whale will come out of your mouth.” Eun said. You looked at her in surprise and then shut your mouth. You didn’t know if it was true but you didn’t want to risk it.

“Well, if there was anyone living there, I’d say it was a ghost. That’s the only explanation. And it makes sense, since people say the house is haunted.” Bada finished saying, and Eun rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.

“There are no such things as ghost. Don’t mind her, she’s just so obsessed with that stuff. You have to see the amount of books she has about the matter.”

“You never know, they might be real, and if they are, I’ll at least be prepared.” She glared back and Eun smiled more. She seemed to really like to tease Bada, and you thought it was hilarious. But you had to push that aside to ask for the most important things.

1st, There’s ghosts in the mansion?

And 2nd, Bada has books about ghosts? That’s still way better than the stupid math books your mother is making you read.

Bada replied that yes, there are 100% ghosts in there, and that she had plenty of books about the matter. When you asked if you could borrow one it took a bit of convincing, mostly from Eun to get her to agree.

You left their home at 3pm, your tummy full and a bunch of books in your arms (there were some other fantasy ones Eun had given you), with both ladies telling you to come again.

You happily made your way back to your home, skipping all the way, and you stopped when you passed by the mansion. Even though it was early afternoon, the place seemed dark and gloomy. You shuddered as you looked at it.

You were about to leave, when you saw something...or rather someone by the window...

You immediately turned around and ran to your home. Nope. Not dealing with that today. You had eaten too much and you were tired, the ghosts will have to wait until tomorrow.

You locked the front door and went to your bedroom, grabbing your biggest plushie (a big lion your father bought you when you were 3) and hid under the covers until you heard the front door open.

You hid the books and walked out, to greet your mother, but she held a hand up before you could speak and set her belongings on the couch. “Not now Y/N. Mommy’s tired. Did you eat the food in the fridge?”

You nodded.

“Did you eat it all?”

You shook your head.

“Then mommy’s going to bed and you can eat what’s left ok? Don’t come and bother me, I’m too tired.”

And with that, she left the living room and went to her room, locking the door behind her.

You stood in silence for a bit before going to the kitchen and eating what was left from what your mother had made you.

Honestly you hadn’t eaten anything, since you had dinner and Bada’s and your mother was a terrible cook, but now you were hungry again and it was what was left, so you couldn’t do anything about it.

That night you ate in your room and stared out at the window. And then you realized...if you went out into the little porch your room had, and you looked a bit to the side, you could see a part of the mansion. You couldn’t really see clearly since all the lights were off, but that wasn’t stopping you from snooping.

Were there really ghosts there? Were they nice, or were they like the ones in those horror movies your friends talked about?

The book that Bada gave you didn’t seem to help though, since your fear only became bigger and bigger the more you read. It said that ghosts could possess people, make them do things they didn’t want to. Also if the ghost was there because it couldn’t move on, be it for anger or revenge, it might kill you.

That didn’t sound good at all. You shuddered as you closed the book and turned off your torch, finally getting ready for bed.

But then you saw it again. A figure on the window.

You stood staring at it, you don’t know for how long, but then it disappeared and you quickly ran off into your bedroom, locking the door and quickly bidding under your covers, turning the torch on again.

You didn’t know what the ghost wanted. You didn’t know if it was nice or not. You were honestly really scared. But still...a part deep inside of you was filled with curiosity. You wanted to see the ghost. You actually...wanted to meet it.

And so, you made up your mind. Tomorrow, you were going to sneak into the mansion and try to find the ghost. It would be your next adventure.

Your smile in victory as you imagined what would happened once you found the ghost. You would take your camera and take a picture of it, then you’d come and show it to Eun and Bada, and then your mother. You knew if you sold this picture you could probably make thousands, millions of dollars. People paid really well for ghost pictures. Hell, they might even make a movie of you experience! You could become famous, and your mother would be finally satisfied, having enough money to keep her happy.

You went to sleep with those sweet fantasies in the back of your mind.

Tomorrow, no matter what, you were going to capture that ghost.

#mystic messenger #jumin han #jumin fluff #mysme #saeran choi #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jihyun mysme #choi bois #jumin x reader #childhood friends to lovers

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years ago

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watched the end of some guy’s amnesia: rebirth playthrough and i have some boring thoughts @halloweenhavoc have u finished the game i feel like you have more of a grasp on all this stuff than i do lmfao what with having actually played it and also probably remembering machine for pigs better

i really did not like fully piece together either the lore of the Main Story of the game nor the broader Amnesia Universe Lore lmfao but i was interested in the latter especially, but re: the former, i did like having all these other Known People associated with the protag whose fates we could all find out and shit

i’m like, sort of underwhelmed, but that’s b/c even though i was like “okay so just b/c this is a frictional-produced amnesia sequel a decade later doesn’t mean you need to hype it up like it’s gonna blow your mind just coz atdd was That big a deal” doesn’t mean i still wasn’t partially like oh but what if it is like mindblowing horror game tho......it felt a lot more like soma than atdd which isn’t in itself bad b/c soma rules but when i’m expecting it to be more like atdd it just makes things kinda bemusing and hard to recalibrate.....it was a good game though lol just like the whole time trying to figure out what the experience is gonna be i guess

anyways so like in the direction frictional’s games have gone it def feels like they’re more into Game Environments (those ruled in this game....) and being very like Thematic Story-Centric.....atdd was very stripped down and they sure got creative with that and it was as effective as it was but yeah it feels like now that they have the clout from that and the game production experience and presumably more resources and stuff that they’re progressing in This Direction which is not as atdd-esque lmao like good for them if this is the creative vision, follow those dreams and stuff

did not feel at all invested in any of this baby lore lmfaooo like it was very abstract and also i don’t care. but 10/10 for breastfeeding gameplay

i did like the Other World lore like. this is where alexander is from, Maybe?? i remember he’s mentioned as an apostate from [somewhere else] but like, is that somewhere else in another dimension or just another Region in this world lmao i don’t know. out here Inventing the amnesia potion vitae harvesting strategy, and then it’s Something Else he does that is considered heinous and they just banish him to earth lmfaooo like our problem now......and who is alexander’s wife lmfao. in atdd bad ending, when alexander portals back, does he get to come back to the shitty place where nothing’s going on but eternal vitae harvest i guess? sucks. in atdd sorta-neutral-ending, when you toss agrippa’s head through the portal and then agrippa asks [someone, i forget who....the student? weyer? or whoever??] to Help Daniel, does everyone get to go to this crappy world or are there other better dimensions lmao....also i forget how this The Other World got so shitty in the first place. something something they flew too close to the sun with their technology and it got fucked up, i forget what The Gate even is........i do like this origin story for what the fuck is up with the shadow lmfao. that like, it’s just some other alchemical Invention expressly to fuck up the vitae system?? which is sort of counter to the idea that it’s simply a Guardian of any orbs.....but then also, there was some sort of note or memory that seemed to imply that having fucked up whatever Gate they fucked up created something that sounded like maybe it was the shadow?? or was it just something Else fucked up and b/c it was like “uh oh something shitty is happening here now” i just Assumed it was the shadow.....idfk. but idk maybe since Orbs are Other World Tech For Portals the shadow is just like, Other World Tech Ruiner and if you handle one improperly the shadow will like, sense orb-jostling Lol and be On It....i don’t knowwww

i gotta admit i did love the lore tying to atdd lmfao like maybe this game would’ve been better off not really being tied to atdd but i’m still like oh yep i’m a sucker for cameos / lore about these atdd people places and things.....herbert, alexander, daniel, brennenburg, and someone else i forget who was like “i’m the first human to get to this place but i don’t have A Traveller’s Whatever so i have to die here,” rip to him.....kinda funny that vitae-harvesting is like, so Industrialized in the other world with this factory and mass-produced as it were, which is Fucked Up, and alexander got shot to earth for some mysterious terrible thing and had to invite some rando with an orb to his castle and then get his help torturing other randos with medieval instruments like. banging rocks together over there. also i don’t get what the harvesters job was? they were sure Harvesting but if the vitae is just getting Sucked thru tubes why are these guys going around breathing it in also. just like, stray air-vitae filtering system?? idk

also what was going on time-wise with this weird accelerated pregnancy. i don’t think i get Why tasi got amnesia in the first place. coincidence i guess??? and why...did she end up back in the plane wreckage. was that just where she got dropped off after they were all like. taken from Our World into the Other World and then....back into our world?? i guess??? i’m just not clear on the Timeline Of Events and how everyone got split up with some people dying and shit....was everyone getting attacked by ghuls i guess. there was a crapload of them in that one place, wasn’t there.....i also forget Where things happened lmfaooo like shit was this in Earth or The Other World.....i guess the latter it was always like, “high tech” with that art deco design shit and green light and stuff.....god i don’t know. like i already forget why richard was like, held captive and tortured. just on evil principle??? augh lmfao

also it was certainly Interesting that people turn into monsters around here with some like, magic + corruption deal going on......felt like the Lore in atdd was sort of vague but that it could Maybe tie into that sort of idea....frictional games sure will like, Metaphorically have the Self and the Non-Self But Which Is Tied To Your Self in all its stories, atdd, soma, rebirth......daniel having this past self he’s now detached from but re-learning of his past exploits.......soma copy/pasting consciousnesses.......uhhh also when it was talking about the ideal Vitae Collecting Cycle being fear, amnesia, and then Hope, and about who was the best candidates for that, i was really thinking that like, we’d learn tasi was being put through a [Hope] sequence, basically

also (rachel if ur reading this lmfao) i remember this pre-release Audio Tape that wasn’t in the gameplay that i think was like, the doctor doing an experiment on a Monster to confirm it had regenerative properties?? i thought we were gonna get a whole fucked up subplot dealing with that guy lmfao but nah just at the end......i guess soma’s promotional stuff was similar, they had all these Files and Videos and stuff which was relevant to the Lore / story but which wasn’t like, flatout in the game......i guess at some point the doctor must’ve been like, experimenting on a crew member who was sort of in the process of Turning or w/e. hank or someone i guess.....UHHH i did like “talking” to so many monsters lmfaooo like leon and crap. wild, tragic, etc.......

RIGHT and i think frictional is really creative in its like, Game Mechanics, like how relatively recently we learned that that whole thing about being told that Low Sanity makes you easier to detect in atdd, but that wasn’t true and was just put in the game to put the player more on edge? i mean, daniel keeling over for a moment if sanity gets too low is probably unhelpful in a chase but. and like, here the “sanity” thing was neat, i liked the Sound lol, i liked the flashing images and how that was like, Relevant, but also it seems like you can’t ever die in this game?? basically, ish?? which i think is neat. like, you don’t really Need to.....said it last time how it feels like the player just is still going to react as Urgently if they’re being chased by the monster lmfaooo

idk there was something other neat / creative element i think i wanted to point out as Cool but i forget (HAHA...manesima.....) i dunno the 0.0001% chance any of you are Coincidentally into amnesia at all and know what all is being talked about here and have thoughts....feel free to send me an ask or whatever.......would be inchrested in hearing other takes on it etc

OH and it didn’t feel like machine for pigs was involved at all lmfao which makes sense since it wasn’t actually produced by frictional but now i’m really struggling to remember the Lore there and if it could Conceivably tie in with descent/rebirth-verse.......oswald’s soul got actually split with Evil Orb-Corrupted Self (which!!!! i forgot there’s even the implication that maybe orb-proximity fucks you up. didn’t seem that relevant here. here magic empress fountain water fucks you up) and Amnesia’d Good (Normal-er) Self and there’s the giant machine which is gonna.....consume the world to protect it from self-destructing in another way......or, that was the reason given to oswald anyways, i remember he like sacrifices his kids to it to save them from [his visions of ww1 being an impending thing] and he doesn’t find that out till the end......his evil self tricked his good self into firing up the machine......i forget where the pig men come from or what their point is, and the machine is like, another Factory Line Vitae Harvesting thing, right?? what’s the vitae For in this case....i sure don’t fuckin know. i forget what oswald does at the end as well to like, fix things, i remember feeling sad about it even though he was a horny weirdo.....i really forget what the full picture was there or what the Orb Involvement was. anyways. idk

would be fun to see more frictional games but it seems like they’re not too interested in doing something as atdd-esque again lol, soma seems more like What Frictional Really Wants To Do, which isn’t a bad thing cuz soma rules and like. objectively i guess soma is the better game, i’m not at all mad at anyone arguing soma is better lmfao, i just sure cherish atdd and it sure is the one that made the whole [subsequent horror game defining] splash lmfao. OH YEAH and i liked they threw in another moment where someone’s been alive for ages and you unplug them and it’s like what the fuck. and i guess you do that but even Harder in the one Rebirth ending where you shadow-infect everything and all the people in the vitae-pods die......which like, it Was def creepy having all those vitae pods lmfao. conceptually fucked up.....uh yeah that’s it i guess. was a sucker for the atdd-lore-fanservice stuff lol. thought it was good but wasn’t like atdd 2.0 which is both Totally Fine and also A Bit Disappointing Of Course lol. now i’m thinking about soma some more though which is Worthy cuz that game rules and i love its story / concepts so much. and i love that you keep fisting sphincters to Save until you have to fist your forearm off. we’ve all been there. and i love the “we have the better view. :)” audio log from someone on the surface. and how the gradual reveal of the [lady you talk to throughout the game who guides you along]’s story. and the Ending. and the gradual reveal of Just What Is Going On Around Here

anyways yeah atdd rules soma rules i thought this game was good too but def is like okay you’d rather make soma than atdd and that is valid

thots????????????????

#amnesia

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cicinicole-14 · 7 years ago

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coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing.

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor.

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros:

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother*

good science program so I can be a dr??

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons:

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them.

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc…

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked.

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college.

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college.

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college.

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that.

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked.

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old.

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop.

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things.

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird.

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it.

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses.

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for…

college is stressful.

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting.

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too.

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier.

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow.

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush.

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table…

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically.

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici

#coco’s college story #personal

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