#If anyone wants to chat about the episode my dms are open!

[sturniolopepsi]

‘tis the season…for seasonal depression (C.S)

cw: talks seasonal depression/anxiety/ED (LIGHTLY) (read at own risk please!) use of y/n ¿ANGST i think¿

req: no i was listening to “Can’t catch me now” by Olivia Rodrigo and we got here. enjoy!

A/N: please don’t read if your triggered by the topic! your mental health is more important and this fic will always be here to come back to when you’re in a better headspace love! MY DM’S ARE ALWAYS OPEN!

~what i write is completely fictional, these are just ideas in my head. i understand the people i write about do not and may not act like this in these situations ITS FICTIONAL BABES!~

NOT PROOF READ. AND JUST A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS

***

y/n’s phone buzzes on the night stand, she debates answering it but taking the covers off her head to face the world around her seems to be to big of a daunting task at the moment. it buzzes again but she chooses to ignore it, snuggling deeper in her safe place under the covers.

she hasn’t actually spoken to anyone in about two days… but this depression episode started about a week ago, y/n slowly started to drift away. her boyfriend and his brothers busy with meetings and their lives hardly noticing her absence.

***

the triplets getting home from their meeting, chris tries calling and texting y/n. with no successful attempts he goes downstairs into the kitchen where his brothers are sitting planning the next wednesday baking video.

“has anyone heard from y/n?” chris asks his brothers both of them having a confused look on their faces. “no actually not for a few days.” matt responds, “not since the day we brought her mcdonalds. which was monday i think” it was now Thursday. “last time i heard from her was tuesday she put a short response in the girls group chat but that was itttt.” nick adds now matching chris’ horrified expression.

chris knew of her seasonal depression but it only being november he didn’t expect it to hit this early and this fast. “yeah, i didn’t get to message her yesterday i passed out before i could” he starts walking out of the kitchen. the boys could hear his voice breaking knowing he’s blaming this all on himself. before chris knows it he has his beanie on and shoes on.

“chris, where are you going?” nick asks standing in the hallway looking out towards the door. matt starts to grab his keys knowing his brother is about to ask for a ride to y/n’s house.

“too her”

chris opens the door disappearing out into the cold winter boston night.

***

hearing the front door open and closing downstairs startles the poor girl awake. before the panic attack can start she hears his voice. “y/n where are you?” she would answer him. but she doesn’t want him to see her like this. so if she pretends she’s not here maybe he will think she’s at her parents house. though, knowing him he’d try there too if he didn’t find her here. causing her parents to then worry about her whereabouts and well being as well as chris. she hears his footsteps coming up the stairs.

“in here chris… i’m okay just not feeling good i wouldn’t come in” her voice cracking after not being used in a while. she hears his pace picking up over the stairs and a little knock on the bedroom door before he slowly opening it to the dark room. seeing her poke her head out of the covers tears instantly threatening to fall at the sight of him “i’m sorry” her voice breaks. “oh baby” is all he can whisper walking over to the edge of her bed.

that’s when the tears start, she can’t control them and she doesn’t even know why she’s crying every doubt every fear RUNNING to her head at once. he climbs in bed with her instantly pulling her into his arms. whispering, “i’m sorry baby… it’s okay… shhh… i’m here… i’m here pretty girl… you’re not alone anymore…” softly kissing her on the top of the head. her face shoved into his chest and her body rattling with each sob, which only makes him hold her a little closer and keep whispering sweet things to her.

after some time she calms, chris still holding her as close as before. “i’m sorry… i’m so sorry chris” she states again her voice stuffy from the crying. “don’t apologize, pretty girl. don’t ever apologize for this.” she looks towards him, her face red from the crying, her eyes soft and tired, hair a mess from being in her bed. that’s when he hears her stomach growl. “baby when was the last time you had something to eat?” he asks looking at her, her face going from this soft sad to a confused state. the fact she’s trying to remember when her last meal was let’s chris know it’s been to long. “umm mcdonald’s, with you” she responds. his face drops… “y/n… that was monday night kid, it’s thursday.” her face looks confused clearly not realizing what day it was. “oh my sweet girl… am i able to go and get you a bath ready or a shower depending on what one you feel comfortable with. if you want i’ll call matt once you’re done he can come get us we can get something to eat, stop and get some snacks, and you come back to our house? i want you to be close to me so i can make sure you’re okay” he understands that he can’t just 1. force her to leave her bed if she’s not ready yet hence why he asked if she was comfortable with that. and 2. he knows he can’t just tell her everything will be okay and she will be perfect and happy again. he knows depression works on its own time but, at least if she’s with him he will be able to keep an eye on her.

she slowly nods processing the information and making her decision. she also really doesn’t want to be alone so, it seems like a good idea. “yeah. that sounds okay… just will you sit in the bathroom with me please?” laying her head back down on his chest seeming silly asking him if that request. “of course. anything you need sweetheart. you just tell me when you’re ready to get up okay?” giving her a light squeeze kissing the top of her head once more.

“we will get through this y/n… no matter when, no matter where… i love you.”

“i know… i love you too chris”

A/N: IM SOBBING IM SO SORRY

[prpfz]

🎃💉🦇 back at it with a fresh new ad!🦇💉🎃 not replacing anyone!

i'm a 22enby fella who's got an itch for something dark and whump-y! i write in third person, present or past tense, semi to advanced 'lazy lit' over discord! i use servers to keep things organized, and i love chatting ooc with my writing partners :} i love ovsessing over our characters, sending memes/tiktoks, sharing music, etc etc, and i'd love a partner who's the same way! i consider myself pretty active, but i do work most of the week- if i can't get a reply to you, i'll at least be active ooc. i can promise at least one reply per day (usually a lot more, but i don't wanna get anyone's hopes too high, bc again..work).

i'm looking to write some oc x oc stuff! mxm is preferred, but i'm open to potential mxf (i will be picky on this! i have a lot of mxf rps atm). polyamory is also super encouraged, but not required! and while i want to collaborate on a plot, dead dove themes are also preferred! i would also prefer to use *actor faceclaims for this! i think of it as **casting actors in our own movie, lolz. (*open to musicians, models etc as well.) when it comes to nsfw, i write switches and prefer writing against other switches, or doms. no overly submissive characters, please! just not my cup of tea, i fear.

(**about casting actors: i think it would also be super fun to format this like a movie or a tv show! with actors cast as certain characters in our plot, separation into 'episodes,' etc etc! this isn't necessary, but i think it would be neat)

onto the fun stuff 😎

alrighty! spooky season has begun as far as i care, and i'm itching to torment a new character. i want this to be my character's traumatic lore, lol. being me your worst dudes! serial killers, monsters, the worst you've got. i just want an excuse for my character to get smacked around. bring on the torture! psychological, physical, whatever! maybe my character somehow wronged yours, and yours is getting revenge in an extreme way. maybe my character was just in the wrong place at ghe wrong time. whatever the reason is, i want yours to be horrible to my fella >:) noncon, torture, blackmail- the list goes on! i'd love to include a healing journey later on down the line after all trauma (with a new character of yours against my freshly traumatized fella).

i'm open to most genres and settings, but right now, something horror themed, set in the 90s or early 2000s, would be fun! i also don't have many hard limits, but we can talk :}

let's come up with something devious together! like this post and i'll slide into your dms🎃

give a like and anon will get back to you

[chaotictarlos]

words of kindness

I've been wanting to make a post all day but haven't had the chance because I just got home from spending time with friends. I've tried to think of what to say, of what message I wanted to put out there after all that's happened this week and the past couple of months but it can be hard to find the words. So I'm still a bit at a lost of what to say, but I'm going to try and we'll see what comes out.

I truly appreciate the Lone Star fandom. When I came into it, at first I just lurked in the shadows because I was coming off a truly horrific fandom experience that I don't wish for anyone to go through and I was terrified to engage in the fandom. I stayed in my little corner, with a blog under a different name, and just watched and tried to figure out if I wanted to dip my toes in. When season 3 started I live-blogged a little bit but it was well it was a couple of episodes into season 3 before I made my url what it is today and fully stepped into the Lone Star fandom and started to write fics for it. It was truly a better experience than I've ever had in fandom. Everyone was so nice and supportive and encouraging. I still think there are a lot of nice and encouraging people in the fandom, the negative voices have just been louder lately. And I'm not talking about negative opinions or thoughts, but people who are going out of their way to attack people who create content for this fandom.

To the Lone Star fandom as a whole: Thank you everyone who blesses us each day with a new creation, whether it be gif sets, art, fan fiction, meta posts whatever it is that you make, thank you. You are the reason why fandoms thrive the way they do. Fandoms are nothing without fandom creations that keep fans engaged during the off-seasons and time between episodes. Thank you for blessing us with your talents, for being vulnerable and for sharing your creations with us. I know how hard it can be to pour yourself into something and sharing it for the internet to see. It can be so daunting and it's amazing that so many of you do it. Thank you for creating in your free time. I hope you know that people do value you and value the time that you put into the things that you posts.

And thank you to those who might not create things but leave comments and likes on the things that people create. Thank you for being cheerleaders and giving motivation to those who might struggle with it at times. I know personally that I wouldn't be able to do or post half of what I do. You're appreciated so so so much.

thank you to everyone who follows me, talks to me, and engages in my content in any way, know that I appreciate each and every one of you and I am so glad that I get to be in this fandom with all of you. I love you all, my DMs are always open and I am always more than happy to chat!

[nyaifyz]

Hey, this is Tirkras, Hi. I just wanted to ask what you think about one of my theories (I just don't have anyone to discuss it with).

Since the drones had a graduation in series 3, does this mean that they are already of age? It's just that in my country, by the time of graduation, most people reach the age of majority (probably in your country, too, but I don't know for sure). But if so, does it mean that Lizzy, Doll, Uzi and Thad are already coming of age drones?

Although, I think they are all probably 16 years old. But maybe I'm wrong.

waves hi !!!! my dms are always open and we can even chat on discord if you have it <3

I assume yes, they are close to being graduates! However in episode 3, they show the drones to be 18-20, implying either the drones school system works differently or that they are in college (and may or may not be graduating depending on rules)

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖

Chapter 50 - A red string tied between they hearts.

Episode 5

Dalton: As Adrian drove off, he slumped down on the stairs outside the house, his mind racing with everything that had happened the past 24 hours. There were gapes here and there, not just when it came to the whole sex thing. Some things were just slightly off. And the more he sat there, the more it started feeling strange that he still hadn't heard from Andy?! He picked up his phone and went to Instagram, quickly heading into their DM. Are you on? he typed

Malou: She suddenly opened the door and looked at him with a soft smile, as she walked up next to him Are you alright? I saw Adrian left again already?

Dalton: He sighed soft and longing Yeah, Sam called, he had a nightmare, so Adrian left to check on him.

Malou: Oh she nodded soft I'm sorry, I understand you needed to be with him right now.

Dalton: He sighed a bit deeper Yeah…

Malou: She smiled a bit hopeful is there anything I can do for you?

Dalton: …… I really don't know…. I'm kinda sorta…. confused?…. lost? He sighed again I can't decide what would be best right now… what I need… what I want?

Malou: she nodded soft and frowned lightly

Dalton: No not like that he reached up, grabbing her hand, squeezing it lightly I'm sorry, it came out all wrong…. I was thinking regarding Andy and Raven

Malou: Oh? she forced a more neutral smile what are you thinking?

Dalton: ….. he sighed deep …… I think I need to see them.

Malou: Okay she nodded soft ….. today or?

Dalton: …… preferably…. I just think a lot of things were left sorta up in the air, and some things need to be cleared.

Malou: She nodded soft I'm not so sure Andy will be up for it.. I mean, I can imagine he feels pretty bad about what happened, and most likely wants to avoid you for a while…. me too for that matter.

Dalton: And Raven?

Malou: She blew a bit of extra air out Well.. Raven wants to resolve things…. but do you even have any idea what you want to say to him? I mean, if you just want to talk with him again in order to-

Dalton: I don't know he sighed soft… we didn't really have a chance to talk about it before I ran off…. I guess…. I don't know… it was just a shock! I don't know? I guess it just doesn't make much sense that Raven would have feelings for me? It would make more sense if it was Andy.

Malou: ….

Dalton: …. does Andy have feelings for me?

Malou: She sighed soft …. it's not my feelings to talk about, Dalton…. whether we talk about Andy or Raven or Adrian or anyone else. I think it's best, specially to avoid even more of a mess, to ask each individual, directly. If you're sure you even want to know about it, cause if you can't return any potential feelings… there's a good chance someone might get hurt.

Dalton: He looked at his phone… still no word from Andy …. I think someone already did.

Malou: ….. are you referring to Raven or Andy?

Dalton: He sighed soft and looked up at her with a soft frown well… both of them really… but at the moment, mainly Andy.

Malou: She nodded soft … may I suggest something?

Dalton: Yes please, I'm awfully lost, and you know them better.

Malou: First off, please get up from the cold ground and come in with me.

Dalton: He bust out a soft short chuckle and stood up Okay…

Malou: She stroke his cheek gently just worrying about you, as usual.

Dalton: A warm somewhat shy smile spreading on his lips

Malou: Come on she squeezed his hand lightly and lead him back inside and over to the couch where they both sat down and then, I think you should simply call the one of them who has the biggest balls. Cause he's the one who will actually pick up.

Dalton: …. so… Raven?

Malou: She nodded confirming Tell him to come over for a chat, and to bring Andy. Whether he wants to or not. Things has to be resolved.

Dalton: He nodded soft and insecure, rubbing a hand nervously against his thigh Am I allowed to have a glass of wine for the nerves? he tried to pull a cheeky smirk through his uncomfortableness

Malou: She burst out a snort You can drink all you want…. but please… no more drugs she forced a concerned smile

Dalton: He nodded soft and sighed I am really sorry that happened.

Malou: I know she squeezed his hand gently

Dalton: …. thank you for being understanding, and not screaming my head off.

Malou: I don't see how that would help anything? she smiled soft you have enough on your plate already. I'd rather be your friend than enemy.

Dalton: …. hopefully still more than a friend as well?

Malou: She smiled bright and shy There's nothing I want more.

Dalton: Can I give you a hug?

Malou: She chuckled soft and shyly Yeah… I'd really like that.

Dalton: A happy smile started spreading on his face, and he quickly leaned in, wrapping his arms around her

Malou: She quickly wrapped her arms around him as well, sighing relieved, breathing him in I adore you, and there's nothing your can do or say that will make me want you less.

Dalton: Bright smile on his whole face

Malou: Digging her fingers into his back I'm crazy about you.

Daalton: A bit of happy tears starting to gather in his eyes I'm crazy about you too!

Malou: Burst out in happy tears, hugging him tighter Don't make me cry before the guests arrive!

Dalton: Chuckling happily Alright.. give me a kiss, and I'll make the call while you open 10 bottles of wine, and decide what the rest of you will drink!

Malou: She laughed warmly You idiot!

Dalton: He joined her laughter for a brief moment, then leaned in, kissing her tenderly

Malou: Mmhh she moaned soft and relieved, and allowed herself to be swept up in their lips for a while

Dalton: After a few minutes, he slowly pulled away, taking a deep breath I better do this.

Malou: She nodded lightly I need to say this first.

Dalton: Okay?

Malou: Whatever happens or don't happen with any of you, I'm okay, and you and I will be okay. As long as no one is harmed or forced to anything, I'm okay with it, or will be okay with it. So please, if you in any sort of way want to try anything, with any of them, don't hold yourself back out of fear of perhaps losing me or upsetting me. Would I rather have you for myself? Sure… but I always knew you are a person who needs to be allowed to spread your wings. And I'd rather give you the space you need to do that, than to hold you back and slowly suffocate you. So… as long as you keep finding your way back to me, I'll find a way to be okay.

Dalton: He nodded soft …. I'm not entirely sure I deserve it… or you for that matter?

Malou: I think that's up to me to decide she smiled soft and I happen to think you deserve a lot more than you have been given in the past.

Dalton: …… uncomfortable yet extremely grateful, not entirely seeing his own worth, humbled, not quite knowing what to say or do

Malou: I'll be in the kitchen… opening those 10 bottles

Dalton: He chuckled nervously and found Raven's number as she got up and walked towards the kitchen. He took another deep breath and made the call

Raven: He picked up on second ring Yes? His voice sounding warm and inviting

Dalton: …….

Raven: Dalton? …. are you alright?

Dalton: … yeah…. yeah, just… trying to gather courage.

Raven: I see.

Dalton: …. Yeah, uh… are you with Andy by any chance?

Raven: I am.

Dalton: …. could you uh…. could you grab him and pop over here? Please? … I'd like to speak to both of you. Please.

Raven: …. Aye. We will be there in a moment.

Dalton: Thank you.

About 5 minutes went by, then a sound of a roaring engine gently shook the foundation

Dalton: By car? He looked questioning at Malou

Malou: She shrugged lightly I don't know?

Dalton: He quickly got up and walked to the door, opening it just in time to see the two of them head through the gate

Raven: He smiled politely, dragging Andy after him by the hand Sorry we took a little while longer. It was a small detour by Andy's room, and he insisted we drive over here so he could smoke on the way.

Dalton: He nodded understanding and opened the door wider, smiling shyly at the both of them as he stepped aside to allow more space in the door for them to pass through, closing the door softly as they entered

Andy: Looking awkward and out of place

Dalton: equally awkward and out of place

Malou: ….. Uh… Dalton, you said you wanted to talk with Raven first, so Andy, why don't you come sit with me? she smiled encouraging

Raven: Nodding as a thank you

Andy: He nodded soft and quickly walked to the couch, sitting down next to her

Dalton: He nodded at the stairs and quickly walked up them, Raven right behind him. He lead them into his room and sighed soft as he closed the door behind them Take a seat he gestured at the two chairs in the room, then his bed wherever you want….

Raven: He nodded soft and walked to the bed, sitting down on it.

Dalton: He walked a bit closer I'm not sure how to do this?

Raven: It's a bit hard for me to offer any sort of guidance, when I'm not quite sure what you are doing?

Dalton: He nodded soft, rubbing his hands nervously

Raven: Just take it as it comes he spoke in a soft, calming voice

Dalton: Another soft nod …. I guess I first and foremost want to apologize for more or less running away earlier.

Raven: Thank you. I appreciate that. But no need to. It's understandable… more than understandable. It was never meant to come out that way, and so sudden. I know you already have more than enough on your hands, so I had actually decided not to tell you till life would be less hectic for you. So I guess, it's me who should be apologizing, for springing something so big on you, at an inconvenient time.

Dalton: It's not inconvenient to tell someone you love them.

Raven: ….. I didn't.

Dalton: Confused

Raven: Tiny teasing smirk I told you I have feelings for you.

Dalton: Oh! Yeah! Sorry he chuckled awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck I didn't mean to put words in your mouth, I'm an idiot! I'm sorry, can we just pretend THAT didn't happen?! blushing from embarrassement

Raven: Dalton he smiled softer now …. Dalton

Dalton: Hm?

Raven: I do… love you. I'm simply teasing you, to lighten the mood… and because I love you.

Dalton: Letting out a goofy sorta seal chuckle

Raven: Normal chuckle You're not making me fall out of love with you, by doing that whole thing he gestured at Dalton, a more smitten smile now tucking at his lips

Dalton: Blushing further, getting shy

Raven: Alright… I'll tone it down a little.

Dalton: He took a deep breath to calm himself, then slowly walked all the way to the bed, sitting down next to Raven …. I uh…

Raven: Don't feel the same… yes… I'm aware of that. And I don't expect anything from you.

Dalton: Thank you, but… if I may…

Raven: Yes. I'm sorry. Please go on.

Dalton: Thank you he smiled soft it's not that I don't return your feelings… well I guess it is… but… it's perhaps more so that I wasn't aware it was an option? He sighed deep Look, I'm new at all this… polyamory relationship…. though I suppose I've always been polyamrous when it comes to other things… dabbling in different music genres… different instruments and so on he smiled …. but you know… never have I ever been in an actual romantic poly relationship before… and on top of that, one of my partners happens to be a man, which I also never tried before. Now I have no problems with it, at all, I've always seen myself as a rather fluid person in many ways, I don't really like to stick labels on things or cram me inside a lot of small boxes and not allow myself to explore life fully. But I suppose in a sense, even after being in a 'gay' relationship for a while now, it just hadn't crossed my mind that it was now perhaps a general option. That there could be more than him. And also in the sense of the poly relationship. It's not something I ever thought of as an option before, it just happened that way. So I guess I never thought into how many partners it could potentially be. I just happened to end up with both Malou and Adrian at the same time. So I suppose in that sense… no other options have crossed my mind. Things are also still new between us… both Malou and I, and Adrian and I… so yes… I simply hadn't gotten around to consider anything else.

Raven: Soft nod

Dalton: I like you…. I mean, I don't know you that well yet… it's very little time we have spent together. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not brushing you off as firmly as I did earlier. It was overwhelming and quite surprising…. but…. who knows… maybe down the line…. I mean…. I'm not promising anything but I'm also not saying definitive no. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'd like to not slam that door in your face again, but rather leave it curiously open… Does that make sense?

Raven: It does he smiled softly and it makes me quite happy. Regardless of what it will result in.

Dalton: Soft shy nod

Raven: Not many people grant me that chance at first. It's usually something I have to fight for. So I want you to know, I very much appreciate it.

Dalton: Another shy nod

Raven: And no pressure. Okay? I don't expect anything. If it happens it happens. I'd honestly be more than happy with just a beautiful friendship. But no pressure for that either, just to be clear.

Dalton: He smiled soft and awkward Me too though… I mean… I'd like to at the very least be friends.

Raven: Good. That's a great place to start he smiled warmly I gotta say, this is quite refreshing. Usually when I tell someone I have feelings for them, the whole demon thing gets brought up as a way to turn me down.

Dalton: … and now you brought it up yourself cheeky smirk

Raven: Are you flirting with me? cheeky smirk

Dalton: Cheeky chuckle … well he shrugged lightly the way I see it, we all have our demons, and I think most people deserve at least one chance.

Raven: He nodded agreeing

Dalton: He took a deep long breath I better go talk with Andy as well, I just wanted to talk with you first since I figured it would be the easiest

Raven: You're probably right in that he forced a soft smile I wish I could give you an advice, but his reaction completely depends on what you're going to say to him, and how blunt things will be.

Dalton: I'm not turning him down… I suppose the gist of it will be the same as you and I.

Raven: One single nod Then you should be fine.

Dalton: Nodding soft but nervous

Raven: Do you want me to bring him up?

Dalton: Yes please he forced a soft smile, rubbing his hands nervously as he placed them in his lap

Raven: He observed Dalton for a brief moment, really wanting to grab his hands to calm them. Then finally spoke in a lowered calming voice You'll be just fine, I promise. Then he was gone

Dalton: He chuckled a bit surprised as he was now facing his empty bed instead, then few seconds later both Andy and Raven landed on the bed, Andy sitting very close to Dalton Oh

Raven: Cheeky smirk I'll be downstairs with Malou then he was gone

Andy: Blushing and quickly pushing himself about a meter away sorry… he did that just to-

Dalton: Nervous chuckle Yes, I got that.

Andy: He uhm… he he nervously ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it a bit he teases people he likes.

Dalton: He nodded soft, observing Andy's usual confident yet awkward personality reduced to a nervous fiddling mess, and it stung Yes, I got that too he scooted a bit closer to Andy are you…. uh…. are you alright?

Andy: Yeah forcing a polite smile I just want to apologize for what happened, I'm extremely sorry and embarrassed that it went that far, and I understand if you-

Dalton: We were two in it, if you ask me he smiled soft and compassionate I see dirty sheets, but not a crime scene he gestured at his bed

Andy: He looked at the bed, realizing it was indeed the same sheets as when he…. ….. oh he blushed further

Dalton: He definitely noticed the blushing, and also how Andy kept trying to avoid Dalton's eyes

Andy: I'm just sorry it was me, when you had been waiting for Adrian for so long….

Dalton: I'm not.

Andy: oh he finally looked at Dalton, but only for a couple seconds, then his eyes tried to find anything else to focus on

Dalton: I barely remember it, Andy…. I mean, I remember enough to know you didn't violate me in any way… but it's more like distant memories… it's hard to pinpoint how it felt… so I'm still sorta at a point where my first time can still be with Adrian.

Andy: Oh he nodded soft, looking somewhat disappointed

Dalton: I'm sorry… I am not trying to… he sighed soft I don't know how to go about this… I'm trying to calm you down and assure you you did nothing wrong, but in doing that I end up disappointing or hurting you, which isn't my intention.

Andy: It's okay…

Dalton: No it's not. He sighed again

Andy: …..

Dalton: I think I have to ask you something private…

Andy: ….. okay?

Dalton: …. do you…. uhm…. do you have feelings for me?

Andy: ….. yes. His voice was lowered and almost shameful

Dalton: I figured.

Andy: ….. how?

Dalton: …. bits I remember here and there but is too fuzzy to put into words… Raven suddenly bursting out feelings for me…. you insisting to keep your pants on in the bathtub

Andy: Snort

Dalton: He forced a soft smile Will you look at me please?

Andy: He took a deep shaky breath I'm not sure I can… starring at your floor is sorta the only thing that keeps me together by now. It's not just feelings… I'm madly in love with you and have been since that night in the alley… well I suppose it was there before as well, but I just assumed it was a usual harmless celeb crush…. he sighed soft but I…. that night in the alley, whatever was already there certainly magnified. And it have been further magnifying ever since.

Dalton: But you never told me?

Andy: No.

Dalton: Why not?

Andy: …. it was never "the right time". You had your girlfriend on/off… and then it sorta looked like you and Malou… and you did…. then Adrian and you… Christmas.. all that…

Dalton: He nodded slow

Andy: Didn't want to overwhelm you further.

Dalton: He sighed soft, feeling great empathy and need to soothe the defeated Andy, so he slowly scooted so close that they sat with only a lighters length between the two of them Hey… He hesitated for just a moment, then reached a finger towards Andy, gently stroking the outer side of his thigh I'm not… turning you down.

Andy: He sorta froze

Dalton: What I'm trying to say is…. sorta the same I already said to Raven, I suppose? he chuckled awkwardly I uh… I'm not used to be polyamorous in relationships, though I've always been a quite fluid person… I've also never been in gay relationships before, so it's not like liking you is something foreign… I do like you… I guess I just never saw neither of you as an option, cause I'm not used to thinking in that direction?

Andy: He turned his head quick and looked at Dalton with a deep blush and extremely surprised eyes So you're saying that-

Dalton: I uh… might be interested… at the very least enough to not turn you down, and wanting to leave that door open, to see if anything might develop nervous smile

Andy: He bit his bottom lip, trying to force back a huge grin but failed

Dalton: Amused chuckle

Andy: … you really mean that?

Dalton: He nodded soft … I mean, I'm not promising anything…

Andy: No of course!

Dalton: Soft shy chuckle but let's see what happens if we let it unfold naturally… organic…

Andy: He nodded eagerly

Dalton: Another shy chuckle

Andy: Man…I thought you would definitely turn me down and tell me to never contact you again! You have no fucking idea how relieved I am!

Dalton: I wrote to you on Instagram

Andy: I know… I was trying hard not to reply cause I wanted to keep you in my life a little longer.

Dalton: Really? He felt a strong need to grab Andy and kiss him out of the blue, blushing lightly as he instead titled himself sideways and leaned against Andy, placing his head on his shoulder I'm not THAT easy to scare away… or get rid off for that matter.

Andy: A happy smile spreading on his lips Good… cause I fuck up a lot.

Dalton: He snorted soft Me too!

Andy: He couldn't help but chuckle, then suddenly felt tears in his eyes, taking a deep shaky breath to try to hold them back, but as they refused his command, he quickly got up I'm sorry! he ran out the room as the tears started rolling down his cheeks

Dalton: Andy? He quickly ran after him, knocking the bathroom door lightly as he reached it May I come in? He waited for a reply, but as none came, he slowly pushed the door open, peeking in

Andy: He was sitting on the edge of the bath tub, sniffling his nose lightly I'm sorry he forced a soft smile I just held back so many emotions…. they started spilling over

Dalton: He nodded lightly and stepped in, walking up to Andy, then sat down next to him on the tub edge are you alright?

Andy: Yeah he nodded soft thank you

Dalton: He sighed soft and nodded, still observing the blue haired guy with big empathy…. something almost magnetic trying to slowly drag him in. His eyes slowly fixating on Andy's hands……. unable to snap out of it ….. I just want to…. reach out and…. touch you he sorta mumbled

Andy: ………. he slowly dared to look at Dalton, noticing his eyes locked on his own hands… too scared to speak… not wanting to cross another line, so instead he just made a little move with one hand, to try to 'wake up' Dalton in hopes that-

Dalton: He took the bait and quickly reached out, stroking his thumb over the base of Andy's thumb

Andy: A tiny satisfied and hopeful smile tucked at his lips as he both saw and felt Dalton's touch, butterflies instantly swirling in his stomach. It was so soft, so intimate, yet innocent and searching.

Dalton: Hey… how about you stay over for a while, have some drinks with us… Raven too.

Andy: He snorted soft and wiped his free hand over his face, quickly drying his tears away You really think we should get wasted again, together?!

Dalton: He chuckled soft I reckon we will do alright, as long as we lay off the drugs.

Andy: Soft chuckle

Dalton: And I think we could all four need a little letting lose…

Andy: He nodded soft I'll stay if Raven does… less pressure on me then.

Dalton: Fair enough.

[fangirling-paradise]

Damien was puppy sitting, i believe Blue for Gina, during Failed Save episode tonight...and was being distracted by DND dice as well

Damien's Instastory (4/1/22)

Sidenote: I have a lot of feelings from tonight's Failed Save episode! Mostly ANGER towards Mr. Vincent Elizabeth Queso! I have two theories regarding the end of the episode. I'm going to be sad till next Friday (Would have been nice to be on Spring Break THEN!)

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Thurs 19 Nov ‘20

The big story of the day is Liam's Happy Hour podcast (it is uh neither one hour nor all happy but OKAY) in which as he says, they “really did talk about anything and everything.” For those of you who are new to the experience of Liam being given a lot of time (over 100 minutes in this case) and not interrupted or made to answer the same four Qs over and over, honestly? He gives so much and is so charming and it's wonderful, but also trigger warning for mental health struggles and substance use at the very least, if not for the way they all were treated by management as very young people besides. He has been through a lot and is still dealing with a lot of really hard stuff, and he's very aware and savvy about how the tabloids treat his painful revelations, and yet he continues to be vulnerable and open publicly, when no one could blame him for choosing not to (WELL they definitely could and would but I wouldn't.) It's a true gift he gives to us who are so hungry for personal knowledge and behind the scenes detail, even though we have also been the source of so much stress for him. “How shit is the world if you can’t cuddle Liam Payne?” asks the podcast host and...yeah. I think we'd all like to do that today!

Anyway, onward! Liam talks about his mental health struggles, as he has done before, about the anxiety he has dealt with about being in public and about feeling watched even at home, and the things that made him feel that way such as people crowding around his house and banging on the windows for example. He mentions again the meds he used to be on that had “to do with happiness... to not feel so numb all the time” that made him have dissociative episodes as a result of stage lights sometimes and blank on lyrics, but the really good news here is that unlike the last time it came up this is a past tense story! He says he is not taking that anymore. But he says he always uses a prompter now because he still worries about messing up onstage, and not everything troubling is past tense: he says “I surround myself with people that bully me at some points, but not in a nasty bully way... very lad humor kind of thing. We’ve a laugh, you know?”. I GUESS... but actually can we just not bully Liam at all please? :(( He says he always tries to make time for fans but sometimes he just can't handle doing it, but also talks about how much he's enjoyed all the new social media stuff he's been able to do over the last months. “When you are in the postion I'm in and have this lovely fanbase, you feel like you're communicating with them in the right way,” he said about his attempts to connect with us, but says the middle men make that hard. He says he loves doing the youtube videos because “if I've anything I want to say I can just say it myself without somebody being in the way.” He says he stopped doing it as a weekly quarantine times roundup because he wasn't really doing enough stuff to round up, YEAH: relatable!

He continues to be our sole source of 1D behind the scenes tidbits (and Louis gossip)-- about band days he talks about how he and Louis struggled over who was leading the band but learned to work together, about how they were so young at the beignning that they just thought their tour manager was the boss of them and let them tell them anything to do, including just being confined to hotels for days at a time because it was easier for the higher ups. He tells about management telling him he was going to have to take the role of the “the person that sometimes people don’t like”, ugh poor Liam, and being made to be “a weird One Direction narc” by management. He says that “the day that they signed their contract with their label they got one of the biggest telling offs ever, but he can’t tell the reasons why it happened”, ummmmm, and that he can't stand to watch The X Factor now because he knows what doing well will do to someone's life. “I was part of this machine and I knew my part in the machine,” he says, “Towards the end of the band I became like ‘the loud drunken one’ and I was very good at that too.” But on a lighter note, Louis stories!! Liam says they talk a lot and tells a great story about Louis telling someone in a store 'no I'm not Louis Tomlinson! I just look like him!' and them being like nah actually you're better looking than him LMAO. Compliment or insult NO ONE KNOWS but it figures it would be Louis himself they'd say that about; it simply wouldn't make sense about anyone else. AND FINALLY he told us something that was very much news to us; he says he proposed to Maya last December when he was in Texas visiting her family. He says he worked it out with her mom and took her to restaurant where she was surprised by a room full of flowers and him waiting to propose. A picture of her in a room lined with red roses and full of candles from around that time was found and is assumed to be from that. (They announced their engagement in August of this year.)

Other things did happen too, though (thankfully for us updaters) not too many of them. Liam posted more of his art-- it's the Queen in watercolor! And it's super cute and expressive and how is he so good at art?! In about 16 hours a behind the scenes video from Niall's Royal Albert Hall show will post! Harry followed Silvia Calderoni, the star of the Gucci fest shorts, and “a representative from Gucci” says they think Harry's appearance “might have been an improvised moment.” Well yes I thought it was unscripted too, that sounded like Harry and like Harry when he's talking himself rather than delivering lines, but there you have it from someone with I guess more authority than me. But it doesn't sound like how Harry talks when he's REALLY off script and reverts to his cute teen Harry style-- exhibit, a model from the Watermelon Sugar video who was clearly excited to have gained access to Harry's DMs posted a screenshot of her chat with him. She compliments him, and he says “faaaaaanks”, lol, she asks him who Golden is about (??? girl WYD???) and he replies “hiiiiii not telling you.” Funny that, I could have sworn there were loads of articles that have the answer to this and it was super public knowledge or something, HUH HOW ODD. Almost like that's ...not true? Peculiar!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 19: Yugi and the Only Neck Accessory He Didn’t Really Want to Wear

Been busy! Hopefully stuff will open up soon as I’m taking a hiatus on a different quarantine project and will be finishing painting the entire roof of my car this week? One can hope. Sanding the rust off the whole top of a car takes a long time it turns out?

Also, fun Yugioh fact, I recently painted a book cover for an author who is older so she’s never seen the show, and she looked at my tumblr, saw my Duke Devlin fanart and was like “That’s him. That’s my main character. OMG. You captured him perfectly!” and I was like “Ma’am that is Duke Devlin, hence the single dice earring on his lobes there, but we can work with this.” and now a spiritual Duke Devlin is on the cover of a Wuxia-style fantasy trilogy on the Vella. Had to give him a top knot and delete the eyeliner for Wuxia reasons but uh, that’s just Duke.

So long story short, fanart can get you work, don’t even worry about posting that stuff online because most people don’t even know it’s fanart anyway and older ladies freakin love it.

Back in Yugioh, the team was doing their best to navigate a map through the woods and they do about as well as they normally do.

And inside Tristan lifted up the floorboards and was like “I found the only way out, this is it, this is the only way.”

And they ended up in something that has a color scheme I would actually associate with a jungle. Finally. We have finally left California (in order to go to another Hell.)

Youknow, when we went to California, we visited Hell, and when we went to India, we also took a stop at the nearest death destination. There’s just so much death on this show and sometimes I forget because there’s been a ghost in our party for so freakin long it’s been normalized.

(read more death imagery under the cut)

Joey freaks out at a flock of crows and reveals in this episode something I never realized about him before.

Like I’m not always the perfect observer as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I love that this is canon for probably only this episode, but I will never forget it for the entirety of this series.

You go on hating birds, Joey.

Bro was like “Maybe it’s a deep cut about Mai Valentine because she’s a harpy lady” but eh...pretty sure we spent like an entire season of Joey telling us that Mai was a good experience? Would be incredibly funny if immediately after all of S4, Joey was like “You know what? Screw Mai, guys.”

So my thoughts...it’s probably just a literal bird experience. Like I had a friend who hated deer because once she went to a petting zoo, got some pellets to feed the deer, but her finger was sticking up, so when the deer came over to nibble on some pellets her finger went up it’s nose by accident. She was so disgusted by this event that was entirely her fault, that she brought up how much she hated deer basically whenever we saw one.

So like...maybe Joey fed a bird wrong at a petting zoo. I can see him getting bit by a parrot because he was too Joey Wheeler.

But now that we’re in a graveyard neighborhood, Pharaoh decides to hop out because there’s a lot of ghosts here and he needs to practice socializing with his peers.

So that’s just a Yugioh monster doing the ostrich dance, right? Like this is a meme from like 2010 but on Yugioh in 2003(4?)

Good to see the Ostrich dance here in the land before Vine.

So they pull out their Pokemon to do some antics, Tea looked like she was about to do something useful, and Yami does a yump across time and space to get her as far away from playing (not)cards as quickly as possible and y’all...sure was a position these animators animated.

Holy crap.

And I was going off about that scene last season where they woke up in the same bed like...

...have these two been together this entire time? Like together together?

They’re like...way more comfortable than you’d figure they’d be considering Yugi nearly passes out every time he gets a hug. But Yami just like....How long has this been going on? As long as Joey’s fear of birds?

Like obviously this show would never cover what the hell Yugi may be thinking about this overreaching move here, because we’re gonna gloss right over that, and just run away up a flight of stairs. No one mentions this ever again. Which is mind blowing for an anime to do. I think in most anime I watch, the kids would be like “ahh ahhhh I bumped into a booooob!” like it does for I want to say every other episode of My Hero Academia. But in Yugioh, they saw that low hanging fruit and they were like “we expect a higher level of maturity out of our audience. Now here’s a fleet of ostrich dancing tree monsters with faces for crotches.”

They decided to sprint up this flight of stairs, and it enough of a slope to deter the monsters who are only unbalanced weird legs.

I want us to take a moment and admire this background painting. I can’t unsee the rocks that are all the same size, just piled on top of eachother. Did Alexander the Great just plop rocks here--or was the mountain made up of tons of similarly shaped boulders?

Like there’s a lot of nice bg’s in this arc, don’t get me wrong, but this one...I’m just trying to wrap my head around the logic of it.

At the top, they meet a pantheon, that is immediately blocked by this wall, because if this arc had a tagline, it’s “Yugi gets inconvenienced every 4 seconds.”

Bro was like “Clearly they would have pushed it over if Tea wasn’t slacking off” and like...she is actually. Look at her. Only used one hand? Slacker.

Joey was disappointed he couldn’t push over a massive wall, and the team decided not to analyze how much Joey Wheeler thinks of his own strength and instead fixate on these statues.

Usually in anthro characters they kinda look birdlike but act human. But what about an anthro that’s just a bird? Like human torso, but can turn his head 180 degrees? Yugioh made me ask this question.

And then Joey was like “wait, there may be a solution that isn’t just to use brute strength!”

Youknow it is a bummer that Kaiba couldn’t witness Joey own a dragon while he himself only has a robot jet dragon. Although, the jet is probably faster, stronger and overall...better than this baby dragon. It would have been great for Kaiba to witness Joey under-utilize this dragon and forget he has it for like huge swatches of the episode.

And then Grandpa pulled some body horror out of nowhere.

Wow.

I mean that is really gross.

I guess Grandpa can’t use Blue eyes, because Kaiba ripped it up, Grandpa can’t use Exodia because Weevil tossed it off a boat, and grandpa can’t use the card that’s just a building because...it’s a building.

So instead Grandpa has a bunch of meat and bones that look like something out of Doom. It’s probably from a more obscure Konami property, but I forget which.

I’ve seen Tristan hold back Joey in this hold, first time it’s been Tea.

So much shipping in this episode, it’s wild.

It’s also wild how low my standards are for what could possibly be shipping when it comes to Yugioh because of how freakin tepid all of these characters are, which as I’ve brought up before, I really don’t mind.

So Yugi decides that because Grandpa was folding his arms like one monster and it made a gem light up or something, to just do the video game thing and use the giant ass statues as clues.

Why was this arc not a video game? Like parts of it really feel like it was meant to be.

So Yugi falls down a hole, where the walls cave in like it’s that dumpster in Star Wars but like...it barely phases him.

Also...Yugi might be able to see in the dark. It’s never been brought up but like...the more I think about it...has Yugi ever struggled to see without the lights on?

After Joey disappoints everyone, he confronts death.

And Pharaoh and Yugi decide to solve the puzzle of “how do I get out of this trap dungeon room” which, honestly, is probably what they’re doing every time they hang out in the brain pyramid.

So they summon their mascot monster, and surprisingly the show decided its ability to fly cannot help them out here.

Kuriboh manages to become enough of a doormat to push Yami up to the stone and they end up in a set of weird cuts that ended in this?

Like seriously it was like flashes of light and then they were just...up here like this.

Hey like...

Alexander the Great, my man...

Were you planning to put that stone in the middle of a exhaust vent hoping someone would touch it? Because there’s no way anyone would rationally have done that. You would need to fly to do it. This is the world’s worst DM.

Like Yugioh pulls a lot of fantasy nonsense but this arc is a lot more like a “it’s a kid’s show, just go with it.” arc than most of them. It’s not a bad vibe, necessarily, it’s just not the vibe I’m used to.

So once I witnessed maybe the most boring conversation I’ve ever witnessed about corn (this was on a twitch stream, by the way, a guy was playing an interesting game, and then a guest came on and started talking about corn and plants for 2 hours) and they would not shut up about how all taxonomy is wrong because there are no such thing as trees and how all animals are labelled incorrectly, and then they started comparing it to like all sorts of mushrooms and phytoplankton as you would if you clearly got a little bit high before dumping your corn knowledge on a twitch stream.

Anyway, after that bizarre experience I suffered so I could learn how to play an obscure video game, I think I can safely say, that while I know everyone here thinks a bird can’t be a dog. If you’re a high biologist: a bird is absolutely a dog. Apparently you can just do that if you’re the most boring biologist alive and no one will argue with you because to do that would involve talking to you. We’ll just say a bird is a dog and no one can fight me or I will talk about the corn book that this guest on this twitch chat was thinking about renting from the library about the different types of corn mutations inherent in freakin Indiana. Therefore, Joey’s fear of birds and dogs is same.

So they use Dark Magician to save them from the statues, and Yugi busts into the pantheon again because they got to open this casket before a time limit that I kind of forgot about, tbh.

And inside the casket, is...this thing!

(enjoy this line on the bottom of the image I don’t feel like fixing it)

And you may say to yourself...it looks like it’s just floating in mid-air, that’s silly, and so I want to introduce you to the next panel where you can see that it is...quite literally...just floating in the air like a video game.

and it just slurps itself onto Yugi before he can be like “nonono.”

Wasn’t there some horror movie where you were stuck in some sort of body brace that slowly tortures you (was that Saw?) This has that vibes. Like man that looks uncomfortable to wear over a jacket and two belts and a collar that is another belt.

That and I...I gotta appreciate that Yugi popped his collar while wearing body armor and chunky necklace. What 00′s fashion appreciation right there.

Bit like...this isn’t breathable, right? Like Yugi’s gonna finally take this thing off and his jacket will just be completely soaked in sweat?

Anyway, that’s it for this post, next week we’ll see if Yugi can walk through a doorway in that thing.

Also, I can’t bring up the ostrich dance without sharing the vines of my generation

[starsstruck]

cloudbusting; part four.

a classic coffee shop story. harry is a painter that quickly becomes a regular at his neighbourhood cafe, and it just might have something to do with a certain barista. horoscope readings, mandarin oranges, and star-gazing strolls.

pairing: harry x reader warnings: language, mentions of anxiety words: 13k

series masterlist

art by holly warburton. (i have no vision for the mc of the fic, people in the images of paintings i use are purely because this is how i envision harry’s art to be)

a/n: thank you for being patient with me for this chapter, i hope everything turned out okay ! a big huge thank you to the amazing tina @sunflowers-styles​ for helping me out and being the best beta ily ❤️❤️ as always let me know what you think and please share if you can ! i love to hear everyone's thoughts and comments <3 happy reading !

Sat comfortably on Mae’s couch, you were taking a big bite of the hummus covered carrot that you had just grabbed.

“I have some frozen perogies!”

Mae’s voice floated from the kitchen, both of your laziness to make a proper dinner was about to be satisfied with hummus and snacks before Mae started digging through her fridge.

“That sounds perfect!” You called back, reaching over her coffee table for another carrot. You could hear her shuffling through the kitchen, reappearing by the couch with a box of herb flavoured crackers in hand.

“I’ll put them on later,” she hummed, seating herself next to you while turning down the volume of the Fiona Apple that was playing through the speaker. “Don’t feel like cooking just yet.”

“How was the weekend away?”

Mae had just come back from a two-night stay with her partner’s parents, at their place out in Rochester. “It was good – honestly it was pretty nice to completely get away from everything, even if it was for a bit, and even if it was with Robin’s parents.”

“That sounds lovely,” you nodded, unable to help yourself as you kept reaching for more crackers. “It’s good you got to relax for a bit.”

“Work has been far too stressful lately,” Mae nodded. “Aren’t you getting some time off soon as well?”

You rolled your eyes, waiting until you finished chewing your carrot until you spoke. “I guess. It’s not really going to be relaxing for me though.”

She shot you a sympathetic smile. “It’ll be okay – if things get too bad tell me, and I’ll come over with some kind of emergency.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” you laughed, not wanting to think about the reason you were going to be taking some time off work.

“Don’t think about that just yet,” Mae told you, a smile lining her lips. “How’s work going otherwise? Oh! Anything new with the painter boy?”

You bit your lips together, watching the bowl of homemade hummus as if it was the most interesting thing you’d ever seen. You knew Mae could read you well, and you knew that as soon as you averted your gaze that she’d be onto something.

“Something did happen?” She repeated the question, voice rising in excitement as you tried to hold back your little smirk.

“He ate me out on the floor of his apartment.”

“I’m sorry, he did what?” Mae sprang up, back straightening out as she turned to fully face you. “Last I heard you weren’t even sure if he was even going to make a move on you.”

“Well…” you trailed off, not knowing what else to say. “He did.”

It had been three days since you last saw Harry. You had your usual two days off, coming back to work just this Saturday morning.

After the little distraction from your painting session, you had pulled your dress back over your knees. And with starry eyes and warm cheeks, you sat up with legs pressed to his and your arms around his neck to pull him in for a sloppy kiss.

He had tugged you closer to him until you were practically sitting on his lap, muttering near nonsense against your mouth. “You’re unreal, you know that?” and “Sound so good saying my name like that, could listen to you for hours.”

Just the mere thought brought butterflies to your stomach; which was something you thought only happened to protagonists in romance novels.

You could still feel his warm breath against your skin and the sweet nothings he had kissed onto your lips.

“Was he good?”

Mae really didn’t need to ask; she could tell by the look on your face. You nodded, confirming her suspicion with a smile bit between your teeth. “Really good.”

“I love that,” she chuckled lightly. “Anything else happen? And wait, when exactly did this happen?”

“Few days ago – I went over to his to do some painting with him. I actually ran into him last weekend when I was out which was when he first kissed me.”

“What? You never told me that.” She mocked a pout, not actually upset with you.

“I haven’t seen you!” You laughed, always favouring to tell her things in person rather than on the phone or through text. 

“I suppose…” she laughed. “Have you seen him since?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I mean it was only three days ago.”

“Do you have plans to see him again?”

Again, you shook your head. “No – I don’t know. I realized I don’t even have his number or anything, I usually just see him at my work.”

“You could always DM him,” Mae nodded, reminding you of the time you both had spent scrolling through his Instagram.

“That’s true,” you bit at your bottom lip. “I don’t know. I don’t even know what he wants or anything.”

You fell quiet for a second, still gnawing at your lip. When you thought about it, you really only ever did see him at your work and other than his art practice and what kind of coffee he liked to drink, you didn’t know that much about him.

“Did anything else happen?”

“No,” you again shook your head. “He said that we didn’t have to do anything more if I didn’t want to – honestly I would’ve returned the favour but things just didn’t really go that way.”

“That’s kind of sweet.”

The wheels in your head were spinning. “Maybe he just wants something physical, I don’t know…”

Mae rolled her eyes. “Don’t jump the gun. By the sound of everything I kind of doubt that, he didn’t even get off.”

“I mean, is that weird? Maybe he does that – like in Sex and the City.”

Mae let out a loud laugh. “Life is not like Sex and the City, stop comparing yourself to that shitty show. Also, what does it have to do with anything?”

“That’s a plot,” you nodded, hating yourself for remembering all the awful plot points from the 90s TV show. “Charlotte dates this guy who’s like, notorious for going down on women and wants nothing else from a relationship.”

Mae raises an eyebrow. “And that’s a bad thing?”

“No,” shaking your head, a small furrow in your brow as you actually couldn’t remember how the episode had ended. “It wasn’t bad – but it wasn’t good. That’s all he did – he wasn’t a good guy or something, I don’t remember. He only was in the one episode.”

Mae laughed.  “Babe you’ve got to stop watching that show.”

“It’s entertaining,” you shrugged, fully knowing Mae also loved to indulge in the guilty pleasure with you.

“What does this have to do with Harry – your Harry?” Mae made the distinction, as if you would have only thought about Harry Goldenblatt, Charlotte’s second husband of the show.

“I don’t remember,” you muttered, bottom lip still between your teeth as you couldn’t for the life of you remember why it was bad that Charlotte dated a guy that only wanted to eat her out.

Snapping yourself out from the mess in your mind, you shook your head. “Anyway, sorry. Things are good, I’m just overthinking.”

Mae was quiet for a second. “Do you like him?”

You paused, already knowing your answer but being slightly afraid of it. “I think I do.”

It was two days later when you saw Harry again. With your usual Monday opening shift, the slow morning had you leaning against the counter flipping through the daily newspaper as you found yourself with not much else to do.

Playing with the paper straw that was in your third coffee of the day, you blindly brought it up to your mouth just as you heard someone walk through the door.

An older man with a red baseball cap shuffled through the propped open door, giving you a two-finger wave as he walked over to the counter.

“Morning,” he chirped, placing a ten-dollar bill on the counter as you went to grab his morning muffin. “Nice day out, isn’t it?”

One pet peeve you had about your job, was the weather talk that every patron seemed to insist on having. They all loved to chat about the bright sun outside while you were stuck working inside. “Beautiful day.”

Grabbing the bill from the counter, your eyes flitted back to the front door as you were counting out the customer’s change. A familiar silhouette of someone else walking through the door had caught your attention, eyes widening a bit when you realized it was Harry who had just come in.

He had his usual canvas bag over his shoulder, light wash blue jeans and a white shirt with some kind of graphic you couldn’t see on it.

Feeling your heart beating just a bit faster in your chest, you turned your attention back to the regular (who’s name you couldn’t remember, Bill or something) with the red cap and handed him his change.

Shooting Harry one more look, forcing the corners of your lips not to open in a wide smile while you moved to prepare a small americano.

As you watched the espresso pour into the mug, you willed your body not to flush at even being in the same room as Harry. You felt like you were thirteen, with a silly crush on a boy you’d only ever spoken to once. Except that this was much more real than a small crush.

You had never really felt this way with anyone before.

“Small americano,” you spoke not too loudly in the near empty café, your voice easily carrying over the sound of Françoise Hardy’s Voilà.

The red capped regular grabbed his coffee, pouring a generous amount of cream in it with a small thank you before he headed to his table near a window, ready for his breakfast with his book.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Harry having placed his things at his usual table and was tapping away on his phone. Cleaning out the portafilter, you wiped off the counter before deciding to head back to your coffee and newspaper.

It was not even a minute later that you felt a presence loom from the other side of the counter.

“Morning,” Harry’s voice was a quiet rasp, clearing his throat as you shot him a glance.

Your stomach fluttered.

“Hi,” you hummed, willing yourself to stop your flush at the memory of the last time you saw him. Hand reaching out for your no longer iced coffee, straw between your lips as you looked up at him again. “What’s your sign?”

Harry’s brow furrowed, a twitch of a smile at his mouth. “What?”

You motioned to the open newspaper in front of you on the counter. “Your sun sign – I’m reading horoscopes.”

“Oh,” he laughed. “I’m an Aquarius. Are you reading all of them?”

You nodded with your own little laugh. “I like to compare them, plus I’m a bit bored. So,” your eyes skimmed over the newsprint. “An Aquarius hm?”

“Is that bad?”

You only hummed, finding it on the page and pausing before reading his daily horoscope to him. “Under today’s amorous skies, sometimes less is more. Resist the urge to come on too strong to a new romantic prospect. A star-gazing stroll through nature could be the perfect way to add a dash or romance to your evening. And who knows? Your nighttime adventure could even bring artistic inspo.”

A few seconds of silence washed over the two of you. Harry had his bottom lip between his teeth, unable to help the nervous twist in his stomach. The horoscope was just a bit too accurate, especially with who was reading it to him.

“That’s – that’s something.” He said after a moment. The bright sun made the little pink blush on his cheeks obvious. He cleared his throat, looking to change the subject. “What’s yours say?”

“Mine isn’t nearly as nice, a bit of a filler horoscope if you ask me.” You sighed, searching for your sign on the page even though you’d just read it not long ago. “Today is all about adventure. Today’s thrill-seeking skies get your engines revving. Expand your horizons, whether you embark on a cross country road trip or rent a cabin in the woods. It’s all about a change in scenery and spiritual balance.”

“Sounds like you need to seek some thrill.” Harry laughed, the words you had read to him about his own horoscope still stuck in his head.

“I guess I do,” you bit back a smile, closing the paper. “Did you only come in for readings today? Or maybe a coffee too?”

“So many reasons I came in today,” he shot you a smile, almost a nervous one.

“Well then,” you hummed, pushing yourself away from the counter to go start preparing a coffee for him. “Let me grab you a drink.”

He followed you, from the other side of the counter, to the espresso machine. After tamping the grounds and waiting for the shot, you placed a hand on your shoulder as you circled your opposite arm, feeling the ever growing knot under your skin. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” you smiled lightly. “It’s just my shoulder – I call it barista shoulder. Not everyone gets it, I think it depends on the way you tamp the espresso.” 

You saw the confusion on his face. 

“Tamping – it’s when you use this,” you reached over to grab the heavy tool used to press down grounds. “I honestly don’t know what it’s called - I think it’s just called a tamper? Anyway, you press down the grounds to form this kind of espresso puck.” 

You mimicked the motion, twisting your body. “You need to use a bit of force so I got into the habit of using my entire side to push it down. Some people press just in the wrist or their arm. My old boss had the same issue as me – after years of the repetitive motion it kind of fucks with your whole side; your arm, shoulder, ribs, everything.”

“Your ribs?” 

You quickly stopped the shot that was still pouring, having nearly forgotten about it. 

“Yeah,” you laughed lightly with a sheepish smile. “I went to see a physio for it, I have two ribs that are a bit dislocated.” 

“What?! You have dislocated ribs?!” Harry looked a bit scared. 

“Partially,” you corrected, as if it made a big difference. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Kind of, yeah,” you nodded. “I try and stretch it out often, I even got acupuncture for it once. It’s more of a dull pain.” 

“Jesus,” he muttered, a small shake to his head. “Dangerous work you do here.” 

You only laughed, scooping out some ice from the machine and placing a few cubs into the glass cup, some espresso splashing onto your hand.

Placing the cup on the counter, you nudged it across in his direction. “For you.” 

“Thank you,” his fingers reached for it, before sliding it a few inches before stopping.

“Oh!” He disappeared for a moment, quickly walking to his table before reappearing in front of you, all in the few seconds the espresso had been pouring for. “Brought these for you.”

He had two mandarin oranges in his hand, holding them out in your direction before placing them on the counter between the two of you.

You were so endeared you wanted to throw them at his head.

“I remembered how you said you usually forget to eat in the morning – actually I don’t even know if you like oranges. You don’t have to – well anyway they’re there for you if you want them.”

“Thank you,” you spoke softly, warming at the small action. You did in fact enjoy oranges; you loved the smell of them as well. “I love mandarin oranges”

“Me too,” Harry grinned, done with his rambling. “Love the colour too – actually I like the colour tangerine even better,” he smirked lightly, apparently not done with his rambling. “But I only had mandarin oranges.”

“Any citrus fruit really is divine,” you giggled, grabbing one in each hand.

Harry saw you disappear behind the espresso machine for a brief second, only the top of your head visible between the mugs, before you turned back towards him while wiping your hands on your jeans.

He held the small glass between his fingers, mouth dropping open to speak but nothing came out when both your attentions turned to see a family waiting for you to take their order.

You only shot him a little smile, grabbing the pen from your back pocket and moved to take their order.

Harry went to go take his seat, pulling out his usual workbook that was slowly but surely filling up with page after page of colourful sketches.

He thought over the words you had read out to him about his horoscope. He never was one to take that in a serious manner, quite frankly not knowing a lot about astrology at all. But he took it as a sign since you specifically were the one reading it out to him.

Finding himself sketching small drawings of stars and the reflection of the sky on the water, unable to help but momentarily flick his eyes up to the front counter every so often, where you would often be found standing.

He watched the way you asked a man about the book he was reading, the way the customer was so excited to share it with you. You had that effect on a lot of patrons, he noticed. You made them feel comfortable and welcomed in the little café.

With his bottom lip between his teeth, he couldn’t help but feel slightly flustered even when you weren’t directly interacting with him.

Continuing with your separate tasks in the café for the next hour or so, as Harry didn’t want to bug you when a small line up never seemed to go away.

Walking up to the front after that line up finally did subside, empty glass in hand that he placed in the dirty dish bin, before he peered around the café as he couldn’t see you.

He finally did find you in the back room, one leg bent and knee resting on the stool. In one hand you had your phone held in front of you, attention drawn towards it. In your other hand you were holding a few orange slices, mindlessly chewing on them.

After watching you for a second longer, he cleared his throat.

“Hey,” he spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb any peace you had settled into.

You blinked while you turned your head, a slice of mandarin orange just placed into your mouth as you put your phone down on the table in front of you.

“Oh, hey sorry,” you placed your foot on the ground, orange on the table as you walked over to the doorframe. He could smell the orange on you as you neared him. “Just taking advantage of the lull.”

“No of course, didn’t mean to bug you –”

“– just wanted to ask,” he paused, leaning his hip against the wall next to him. He was only slightly intruding in on the space that was technically just for the workers, watching as you rested you back against the doorframe behind you with a few mandarin orange slices still in hand. “Are you doing anything Wednesday night?”

It was your turn to pause, eyes leaving his for a second as you chewed on your orange slice. “I close – otherwise I don’t think so, why?”

“There’s an opening show, my friend has a whole series in it. It’s at the same gallery that we work at sometimes, it’s just a tiny show but – well I’d love it if you came with me.”

Your eyes fell to his again. He could see a smile starting to grow on your mouth, corner of your lip between teeth. “What time is it at?”

“Starts at eight, but it goes until eleven. You don’t need to be there right at eight.”

You nodded, and although he felt like you were dragging this out a bit on purpose, he couldn’t help but feel a small pit of nerves grow in the pit of his stomach.

“Okay,” you hummed, voice quiet as your eyes darted over to the front counter to check for customers. “I’m usually done around quarter past seven – I can probably head over for eight-thirty? Give or take, depending on where it is.”

He knew he was smiling so wide that his cheeks were dimpling. “So, you can come?”

“I’d love to,” you returned his smile.

“Amazing,” the butterflies in his stomach flew away. “Do you have a pen? I’ll give you the address.”

He watched you pat your back pocket, not finding the red pen that was usually placed there. Taking a second to check the back room, reappearing with a little scrap of paper and a pen.

He scribbled down the information you need, watching you fold up the little piece of paper and place it in your back pocket along with the pen.

“I have to head over a bit earlier, moral support and all, but I can meet you there?” Harry asked.

“Sounds good,” you hummed, excitement growing at the idea of spending more time with Harry outside of the café.

“I have to head out soon,” he spoke, “but I’ll be seeing you on Wednesday, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you grinned, lips together as he bid you a little goodbye. Just as you were debating about if you should hug him, or say anything else, a group came in waiting to be served. As always, you were interrupted by other patrons. “See you Wednesday!” 

The following two days flew by. That Wednesday evening, you were giddy as you closed, rushing through all your duties.

Closing with Saya took no time at all, and soon you were walking with a fast pace in your step to head back home. You knew you actually had plenty of time to get ready, but you were taking your sweet time and wanted the process to be relaxing rather than stressful.

You didn’t really know what one wore to a gallery opening. It was a small show; that was all Harry had really said. It’d probably be casual, so you didn’t want to overdress, but you also didn’t want to look too out of place.

After washing your face, you were throwing clothes around your room as you searched for what to change into. It was then you realized that Harry had only really seen you in clothes you wore to work. It wasn’t that you dressed poorly at work, in fact you liked to think you had quite a nice,  casual style, but you still felt like dressing up just a bit.

You finally settled on a dark navy dress that had orange seams embroidered up the sides and around the hem. It was the kind of dress that would look good on anyone, that fit and clung to every dip and slope of your body.

Grabbing a nearly sheer black blouse to throw over your shoulders, slipping on your trusty white sneakers, hoping that you were walking on the line between casual and formal.

With a little beaded bag over your shoulder with everything you’d need for the night, you checked the time once more before heading out the door.

It didn’t take you as long as you thought it would to make it out the door, and finally you were double checking the address on your phone before being met with the red sign over the gallery and the glass double doors.

Smiling at the man dressed in a bright red blazer who stamped your hand,  you walked through the open doored entrance. You immediately felt a tad out of place, seeing everyone chatting and talking and drinking and laughing – all together.

You let your eyes skim over the space, taking in the gallery. It was fairly large, considering Harry had described it as “just a tiny show”. The room was big and open, and there seemed to be another room that opened up around a curved wall.

Gaze jumping from person to person, you found yourself feeling just the slightest bit out of place. Tentatively walking through the gallery, deciding to simply make your way around and hope to find Harry along the way.

It was when you were looking at a big dark painting, one that had different strokes of grays and browns across a large canvas, that a familiar voice spoke quietly to your left.

“Happy to see you made it.”

Turning around to see Harry, not realizing how close he had come up behind you. You had to take a little step back, the corner of your lips perking up as you saw his mouth already in a wide smile. He was wearing wide black trousers with a fitted simple black shirt, and orange converse sneakers.

“Sorry I’m late,” you spoke softly as he stood close to you.  “Had a bit of an outfit crisis.”

Not moving his feet, he leaned his body closer to yours until the sleeve of his shirt brushed your arm. His shoulder bumping yours, he slid a hand around your waist so that it rested on the small of your back.

With a light pressure against your dress, he drew you in closer so your side was pressed against his. Feeling a puff of air as he exhaled hit the side of your neck, his head lightly dipped down until his lips neared your ear.

“You look stunning,” he murmured. You shivered under his touch, even in his warm embrace. Eyes darting around you, feeling a bit lost just in the moment the both of you had shared. You felt a quick kiss pressed to your temple, before his face retreated from yours.

You could feel heat spread across your chest along with a little flutter in your stomach that somehow made you even warmer. Momentarily not knowing what to say, you faced him with a smile. “Thank you.”

His hand lingered over the fabric of your dress for a moment longer, before it fell to his side along with a little step away from you. Although with your shoulder still against his, you remained close to him as you both turned back to the painting that you had been observing.

“What do you think about this one?” Harry’s voice was low in your ear.

You opened your mouth, not really knowing how to tell him that you didn’t like it one bit. “It’s very… beige.”

“I agree,” he hummed. A touch of his fingertips on your arm pulled your eyes away from the art, arm jumping just the slightest at the contact. With a loose grip of his fingers around your wrist, he was soon tugging you by the arm across the floor of the gallery. “I’ll show you the good stuff,” he said, keeping his voice low.

He pulled you around the curved corner, into the second part of the gallery. You immediately noticed the lights on this side were a bit dimmer, a warmer glow to them rather than a harsher white light.

“All these in here are done by my friend, Yanis.” He hummed, stopping in front of one of the large paintings on the wall with a light drop of your arm from his hand.

“I helped out with a few, but really it's all him.”

“You helped out with some?” You turned to catch a glance at Harry.

He nodded. “Here and there – nothing that big. He just needed a hand.”

“That’s sweet,” you hummed. You liked that, them helping each other out with their paintings. It was just all so uplifting and supportive.

Just as Harry’s mouth opened to speak, his name was called by a deep and unfamiliar voice to you. You both turned, seeing a shorter man with black curly hair in a bun approach the both of you.

“We were just talking about you,” the man spoke towards Harry, his eyes pausing on you for a moment before he turned back to Harry with a raised eyebrow.

Your name left Harry’s lips – introducing you to his friend.

“I’m Yanis. So, you’re the famous barista Harry’s been telling me about?”

You smiled at his words, eyes flicking to where Harry stood next to you and watched the pink tint the tip of his ears. “Famous?”

Harry laughed, shaking his head. “Only famous one here is you, Yanis. The show looks like a big hit.”

You didn’t miss how quickly he changed the subject, but you turned back to Yanis. “It really does look incredible. I haven’t seen everything yet but I already like what I see.”

You mentally cringed, still feeling like a bit of an idiot whenever you tired to compliment art. You really needed to learn the right things to say.

Just as you were about to try and say something else, two more people joined Harry’s friend on either side of him.

“There you are!” A tall dark-haired woman spoke towards Harry. She was wearing a red shirt that matched her long skirt, with platform shoes and an array of necklaces. “I was worried you had left.”

“Just showing my friend around,” Harry spoke your name smoothly. You didn’t dwell on the way he had called you his friend, but it also didn’t go unnoticed.

“Oh,” she turned her attention to you, while Yanis and the other man seemed to begin a new conversation. “Sorry, I’m Rory.”

“Nice to meet you,” you smiled in her direction. You saw her give your appearance a quick once over, and you especially saw the way her full attention turned back to Harry.

“Everything looks so great,” she spoke towards him.

“It’s all this guy.” Harry let his hand fall onto his friend's shoulder, giving it a little pat. “We were just starting to look around actually, so I’ll catch up with you lot in a bit.”

In a quick move, Harry’s hand was brushing against your lower back, and he was guiding you towards the wall on the opposite end. You felt his fingers bunch lightly in the thin fabric of your blouse, side pressing lightly against yours.

“Sorry –” he muttered, leaning a bit closer to you as the both of you stopped in front of a painting across from where you had been previously standing. There was a sea of red and pink mountains, along with a bright blue skin and big yellow sun. “Knew we could get stuck there for a while – wanted you to see everything first.”

You only hummed in response, a small nod in your head as you kept your eyes forward. Although you did find yourself so drawn to the art on the wall, you couldn’t help but let your mind spin and spin around until the words were falling from your mouth.

“Rory,” you murmured, bottom lip between your teeth, “she has a thing for you, no?”

You could hear Harry pause from next to you, “I – yeah. Well, no – we used to date.”

Only nodding, you kept your eyes forward although you knew Harry was burning holes into the side of your face.

“We still kind of run in the same circle – it ended a long time ago I didn’t –”

He stopped rambling when you turned to face him. “It’s okay,” you forced a little laugh to your voice. “I was just wondering.”

Harry fell quiet again, as you turned back to the paintings on the wall in front of you. “I’m really happy you came with me,” he whispered, lips nearing your ear after a moment. “I’m really happy you’re here.” 

You turned your head around, glancing at him over your shoulder. He didn’t move away from you, hand on your back giving your hip a little squeeze before slipping away from your body. He hit your hand with his, letting his hand fall to his side.

The words he spoke were swimming through your head, having you bite your lips together to fight off a wide smile. Just the way he was looking at you made your knees weak.

“Okay,” you whispered, lips clamped together as you turned back around.

You spent the next few hours walking around, looking at everything, chatting with Harry’s friends. You had gotten along well with Yanis, he had talked at length about the series that was being exhibited and you were honestly in awe of everyone’s talent and creativity.

It was about half past ten and you were just heading back from a quick trip to the restroom, when your name being spoken had you looking around to see who it was.

Rory was slightly towering over you as she neared you, speaking your name again to grab your attention. “Haven’t gotten the chance to chat with you, how are you liking the show?”

Trying your best to hide the shock from your face, you sent her a smile as she stopped next to you. “I really like it – haven’t been to too many shows if I’m being honest, but this is for sure one of the best I’ve been too.”

“Yeah, Yanis really did amazing with everything – Harry too.”

You only nodded, not too sure what to respond in the moment. She kept speaking. “How long have the two of you been seeing each other?”

The question took you a bit by surprise, but at the same time didn’t shock you all that much. “Oh, we’re not –”

You cut yourself off, and she took the moment to speak again. “Sorry I don’t mean to put you on the spot, we’re all just a bit nosy about Harry’s life sometimes.”

Nodding, you couldn’t help the way your eyes narrowed slightly on her. “It’s no problem,” you shot her a small smile.

“Do you make art as well?” She changed the subject.

“No,” you caught Harry’s eye from across the floor of the gallery, “God no, I can barely take a decent picture. What about you?”

“Oh, sorry I just kind of assumed! But yes, I have my own practice. Mostly installation, plus some two-dimensional work as well as some performances here and there.”

Again, you wished you fully understood everything that was being discussed. “That’s so cool,” was all you said.

“Thank you,” she smiled down at you. “What do you do for work?”

“I uhm –” feeling somehow small for the words you were about to speak and a small pit of anxiety at the bottom of your stomach. “I work in a café.”

“She manages a café,” Harry’s voice surprised you slightly as it was suddenly heard from next to you. You turned, seeing him take a few more steps towards you and stopped when he was right next to you, facing Rory.

He was surprised to see the two of you speaking in the first place, a maybe the slightest bit worried when he saw the way you were slightly recoiling away from her.

“Oh nice!” She seemed a bit surprised from Harry’s arrival as well. “Sorry,” she paused, her eyes flitting over to somewhere behind you. “I just saw a friend I wanted to chat with before she leaves – it was nice meeting you!”

And then she was off.

You were quiet for a second, as you felt Harry’s hand brush over your middle. You barely registered the movement, bottom lip between your teeth as you felt a bit lost in your head – just the slightest offput from the conversation you had just had.

“Are you enjoying yourself?"

Harry’s voice pulled your attention away from your thoughts, shooting him a quick glance as his words registered. You nodded, a smile pulling at your lips as you saw his eyes never leave yours. “Yeah, I am.”

“Wanna get out of here?”

You fully turned to face him, standing in front of him. He saw your gaze flick between his, curious look in your eyes. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well,” he paused. Unable to help his eyes from falling down to your mouth, he watched the way the lightly shining lips were curved in a smile. “I just remembered something I read in a horoscope. And I was thinking … fancy a star-gazing stroll?”

It was your turn to pause, fully turning on your feet until you were standing directly in front of him. He could tell that you were trying to keep the smile from growing on your lips, but the gleam in your eyes immediately gave you away.

“I think I read something about that somewhere too,” was all you said, speaking quietly enough for just the two of you. The teasing tone of your voice, paired with the way your eyes seemed to glow more with every passing second sent a warmth straight through Harry’s stomach.

“Is that a yes?”

You let out what could only be called a giggle. “Yeah, it is.” 

Harry didn’t try to hide his giddiness a single bit and sent a short nod towards you before he was again leading you through the gallery. With a quick stop by Yanis to give him a hug and congratulate him, and a wave on your part before he was pulling you out of the gallery.

He was a few steps in front of you, holding the glass door open as you stepped out next to him. This time, he didn’t try and hide the way his eyes fell to eye your outfit, eyelids dropping slightly with a smirk on his lips.

“Christ,” he muttered, joining you by your side. He watched the way you obviously noticed his stare, giving him a small shove with your shoulder. “You really do look stunning.”

“You already said that,” you hummed. 

“Needed to be said again,” he couldn’t help but brush his fingertips over the raised orange embroidery that went up your side. “Also, I don’t know if you noticed sunshine, but we match.”

Sunshine.

You glanced down his outfit from the corner of your eye. The dark hues of both outfits along with a splash of orange looked like you guys had almost planned it. “I did notice, actually.”

“I think that’s quite sexy of us.”

You laughed, following Harry along the sidewalk.

The air outside had cooled down a bit, still warm enough that you were perfectly content in what you were wearing but not so hot that your skin felt sticky.

Harry led the way through the emptying streets, walking so close that it seemed every other step his hand hit yours. He really felt like he had been flirting with the idea of grabbing your hand for what, maybe a week now? He just wanted to grab you, hold you close.

Hell, he had been a lot closer to you than that before.

Walking through a darkened alleyway to take a quick short cut, you shuffled even closer to him. You kept your eyes focused on your surroundings out of habit, even if you were trusting where Harry was bringing you.

It was then that when his hand hit yours, it didn’t move away like it usually did and instead his pinky finger caught your own and soon he was lacing every last one of his fingertips with yours until your palms kissed.

Harry kept his gaze forward, but from the corner of his eye he saw you shoot your newly intertwined hands a quick look. While revelling in the way that your palm felt in his, and in the way that  every finger laced with his seemed to cause a tiny jolt to go  straight  through his body, he nearly missed the way you pulled yourself even closer into him.

By the time the water was invading your sight, after about fifteen minutes or so of walking in peaceful silence, Harry noticed the way you were walking so close to him your head was nearly resting on his shoulder.

He basked in the way you seemed to draw into him as much as he did you, and the way that you urged to be close to him and feel yourself against him just as much. The thought itself sent a new wave of butterflies straight through his stomach, clouding his mind as his pace slowed near the water. 

Clearing his throat, he turned to catch a glance at you. “I remember you telling me how you like to walk along the river, but you didn’t get to do it that often.”

Smiling softly at the memory of the conversation the two of you shared after running into each other at the grocery store; you thought of that as the first time you really felt captivated by Harry.

“Is this kind of what you meant?” He asked.

You glanced around, seeing a wooden boardwalk start not too far off. “Not quite.”

Turning around and tugging him by the hand, following the expanse of the water until your shoes were walking over wooden boards that hovered above the river.

Your pace slowed even more, your hand fell from his grip as you glanced around and took in the sights around you. It was a relatively calm night out, no harsh winds upsetting the murky waters. The lights ended by the street, only a soft hue for the two of you as the boats docked out on the water were barely in sight.

There didn’t seem to be any other people out near you – then realizing that you had no idea what time it was, something that wasn’t often the case and something that you enjoyed a great deal.

The moon was high and bright in the sky, with the few stars that could be seen dusting the sky. It was for sure a star-gazing stroll, just as Harry promised.

“Looks like a painting,” you spoke from next to him, gaze out over the moving surface of the water.

Nearing the railing, the two of you took slow steps along the wooden boards. Harry laughed softly from next to you, the sound carrying in the empty space.

“Have you always been into painting?” You asked, eyes trained on the wood in front of you.

Harry hummed next to you. “I think so, yeah. I guess you could say I was drawn to the arts since I was young, I remember my mum bought me a little painting kit when I was like seven or eight.”

You nodded as he continued to speak. “Started a bit more seriously through school, like getting into techniques and stuff. But I never thought I would ever try and make a career out of it or anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…” Harry paused, hand pushing through his hair. “I actually studied marketing for a bit, thought I would go into business or something like that.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped past your lips, surprised by the news. “I’m sorry but I can’t picture you as a business student.”

“Yeah,” his cheeks dimpled. “Neither can I. Left after nearly two years. Then I started taking a few painting courses at a local art store and I’ve been doing just that ever since.”

“Wow,” you breathed out. “And your family they were – I mean you made everything work out for you?”

He nodded again. “Obviously I kept a job for a while, I was actually working at that little art shop for a few years too. My family was okay with it – my mum especially was always supportive. I remember when I told her I wanted to leave school to work on art she said she couldn’t imagine me doing anything else.”

“I love that,” you hummed, biting your lips together. A small part of you wished that you had that kind of unconditional support. But you kept your lips together and pushed the thoughts from your head, not wanting to bring down the mood.

“I send her some of my paintings; take them off the frame and roll them up for her. Her and my sister flew out and came to my first show over here – even though I only had two works in it.”

Mentally giving yourself a pat on the back for having correctly assumed Harry couldn’t have been an only child with the way he acted. You really did love when your hunch about someone was proven right.

“That’s really sweet,” you smiled at him. “You must miss them.”

“I do, yeah.” He hummed, catching your eyes with his for a second. “But I am glad to have moved out here. I felt like it could be temporary – I would love to live in London someday but I’m really happy to be here.”

Only nodding, you felt yourself getting lost in your own thoughts for a brief second before Harry pulled you back out of them. “What about you, you miss home much?”

Shrugging, you didn’t know what to say. “I mean a bit, in the way that anyone gets nostalgic. But,” you took a breath.

“I know this sounds terrible but honestly I don’t. It’s… exhausting to be home. I moved further away for school for a reason.”

You didn’t know what else to say, hoping that Harry would jump in with something else. You shot him a quick look, seeing his eyes intent on yours as he listened and waited for you too keep speaking.

“That’s not terrible,” he spoke quietly, after a few more seconds in silence.

You hummed, not sure what to say. Walking in silence for a few more moments and taking another breath before you chose to speak again. “My parents live hours away from each other now anyway, so I feel like there’s not really a home to go back to, you know?”

“I’m sorry,” Harry’s voice was soft.

“You don’t need to apologize,” you smiled, small shrug in your shoulders. “Nothing to be sorry for. I’m happy to have moved away – happy to be here too.”

Harry remained quiet, giving you the chance to go on if you wanted to. Although right now you really didn’t want to – you were having such a good evening and you didn’t want to bring any of that down by discussing your family.

Quietly walking side by side, with only the moon and the stars surrounding the both of you, Harry cleared his throat once more.

“So, what was it again that you like about this place?”

“Just the mood of it,” you shot him a glance. “Something about walking along the wood – I just really like it. And I like the smell too, I know it’s probably diesel and chemicals but it’s just oddly nostalgic for me for no real reason.”

“I see that,” Harry smiled. “So other than walking out here, what other small things make you happy?”

You were confused for a second, Harry further explaining himself after you didn’t answer.

“Just like, anything that could seem insignificant that you enjoy for whatever reason at all.”

“Oh,” you hummed, a small smile tugged at your lips at the question. You didn’t know why it made your heart soar that he was asking you about this – but it just did.

“This is really dumb,” you said after a moment. “But at work, I really like it when an older customer – they’re usually regulars – when they come in with their book and they get a coffee and a little cake or a treat and just sit there for hours.”

Pausing, not sure how to explain how you felt because right now it just sounded like any other interaction with a patron. “It's a happy-sad feeling – I don’t really know why. I love that coming into my café and having a chat with me is part of their routine, but there’s also something that just makes me feel the tiniest bit sad…”

Harry remained silent, letting you explain yourself. “It’s like, sometimes you watch a movie that has a happy ending, but you can’t help but feel the slightest bit melancholic, you know?”

Your eyes darted over to him, seeing him nod. “I know the feeling, yeah.”

Harry had never really thought about that before, never paying too close attention to the other patrons when he frequented your café. “You pay close attention to a lot of regulars, huh? I thought I was special.”

You let out a laugh, shaking your head as your shoulder bumped his.

“Sorry to burst your bubble,” you teased, feeling his pace slow down, deciding to stop where you were.  You leant up against the railing that  kept you from the water.

“What about you?” You turned to him. “I know you said you didn’t want to share much about the paintings you're working on currently, but what’s something small that you like to pay attention to for your art?”

“I don’t want to bore you with every detail…” he started out, feeling like he had been speaking about his practice the entire time.

You shook your head. “I want to hear about your art – I like it.”

Harry slipped his lips between his teeth, head dipping down for a second as he felt his cheeks blush. “Well,” he started. “My current work is still very much in progress – not really ready for anyone to see or hear about it just yet.”

“But right now – or for the past year or so I’ve been really paying attention to moments between people.”

“Just … small touches or moments of intimacy, you know? Like seeing someone rest their head on someone else’s shoulder, seeing two people hug in a big crowd. Just small moments like that where you know that they’re in their own world.”

You were quiet, even after he was done speaking. Leaning your forearms against the wooden railing, feet kicking at nothing on the ground. You saw exactly what he explained – about the little touches of public, yet private, intimacy.

“I know what you mean,” you finally said, voice quiet as it carried over the space between the two of you. Harry has his back against the railing as he keeps his eyes on you.

After he realized you weren’t going to say anything else, he kept speaking. “It’s nice, you know? Seeing people wrapped up in their … love and adoration for each other like that.”

You hummed, his words swimming through your head. “Guess I never really thought about that –” cutting yourself off, before continuing even quieter, “– guess I haven’t really experienced it like that.”

Another wave of silence washed over you, before Harry turned in his place so that he could face you directly.

The reflection of the moon rippled in the water. “Have you ever been in love?”

His words caught you slightly off guard.

You had been in relationships, sure. You’d had partners tell you that they loved you, and maybe once or twice you returned the sentiment. But you didn’t really know what it meant.

“I –” you paused. “I don’t know.”

“You say that a lot.”

You could just make out Harry’s expression. The lighting was sparse, but every little dip and curve on his features were clear as day, and his eyes held that little smile they often did.

“I know,” the words were too small puffs of air past your lips.

You held your breath in, before continuing. “I’ve always thought that I’d know, but I feel like I’ve never been in it in the way that you described. Not fully. I – I don’t know.”

The way he looked at you made your heart beat just a bit faster in your chest, so loud you were sure he must be able to hear it.

“It’s okay to not know,” he spoke so softly. You didn’t even realize you were leaning in closer to him until your knee bumped his.

“Have you?” You cleared your throat, the noise breaking through the otherwise quiet surrounding. “Have you ever been in love?”

You didn’t know why you were so afraid of his answer.

“I think so, or,” Harry paused, a small furrow in his brow as his eyes were still intent on yours. “I thought so.”

This time, your heart stopped.

“Thought so?” Voice sounding a bit hoarse, you again found yourself afraid of his answer.

There was a small shrug in his shoulders. You couldn’t help but briefly think about Rory, about whether he was ever in love with her, but you shook the thought from your head.

“I guess… I guess I’ve been heartbroken before. I’ve loved, for sure. But I don’t know if I was really in love. If that makes sense.”

Maybe he really was just as confused as you were.

“I guess you don’t know until you’re really in it.” He had his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I guess you don’t,” you repeated.

What Harry wanted to tell you, was that he had never felt the way he did when he was with you.

He also didn’t know how to tell you – he really felt like he didn’t know anything at that moment either.

He was drawn to you from the first moment he had spoken to you, and found himself unable to ever get enough every time he saw you. It had been over a month and a half since he’d first walked into your café, since he’d first met you, and he couldn’t believe the way you made him swoon.

But he didn’t truly realize that, and the last thing he wanted to do was scare you off.

So instead, he reached forward so that his palm could rest under your jaw and stepped a tad closer to you. He saw you visibly leaning in to his touch, your eyelashes hitting the top of your cheeks for a brief moment with a slow blink.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” he whispered, voice low as his knuckles brushed over your jaw.

You nearly sighed at his touch, butterflies in your stomach erupting once again when he spoke so softly. He always seemed to be able to grab such a strong hold on you – both physically and metaphorically – but all while treating you with the gentlest of touches. “Of course.”

“I really,” he paused with his own sigh. Hand on your jaw sliding over your skin, grabbing a light hold at the back of your neck. “I really like spending time with you like this.”

Only able to nod, almost having to look away from his intense gaze. There was nothing else to look at though, nothing else you wanted to look at. 

“Me too.” The words were barely there, just a pass of air from the back of your throat.

You felt his other hand smooth over your spine, fingertips finding your waist as he seemed to be blindly tracing the raised orange embroidery on your dress. Further leaning into his touch, you knew your eyes were darting all around his face as you were unable to focus on just one thing.

His own eyes fell down once more to the curve of your lips, and you felt them fall parted with your tongue wetting them on instinct.

“Can I kiss you?”

Nearly wanting to giggle at the question, as he had done much more than kiss you in the past week, and since the question seemed to be just a little late, but a laugh was the last thing on your mind right then.

All you could do was nod in his grasp, your eyes never leaving his – not for one single second. After a heavy swallow and a raspy little “yes” leaving your mouth, you let your hands fall to his shoulders to embrace him closer.

He pulled you closer in a quick motion, hand on your back holding you tight. Your chest fell against his, head remaining upright with his thumb still under your jaw.

Lips pressing against yours lightly at first, like whispers of a kiss against your mouth. He pecked two, three, four kisses on your lips like that before you edged your jaw forward and let him fully capture your mouth.

Your heartbeat was loud in your ears when he fully pressed his lips against yours, with just enough pressure and desire to make your head spin. A little gasp escaped the back of your throat when he grabbed hold of your bottom lip between his, a soft nip of his teeth against the sensitive skin.

Lips parted together, never able to get enough of the way he felt against you. Harry’s tongue heatedly pushed past your lips mouth gladly opening for him. He grazed into your mouth, arm around you pulling you closer to him. Hot breath mixing together, he pushed your back against the railing behind you just a bit more so that his hips could press with yours.

His hand on your back had migrated, dancing over the curve of your bum before sliding around and giving your hip a sharp squeeze. It never rested in one place, as if he couldn’t get enough of the feeling of your body against his.

You returned his fervour, one hand smoothing over his neck until your fingertips were being pushed through his hair. Fist closing as you tugged gently on his hair, eliciting a little groan from Harry before he was licking into you once more.

Minutes passed, you had no idea how long the two of you spent like that under the stars and the moon.

He pulled away, barely, for a breath with heavy eyelids trained on you. His forehead was a millimetre away, loose curls brushing over your skin and tip of his lips brushing yours when he spoke.

“I,” he sighed, voice sounding so close to you as your eyelids just barely opened. “I – you’re unreal.”

His voice rasped slightly, as if he had just been woken up. The way he murmured  quietly against you had your head spinning, thinking about how he would sound moaning your name. 

Just as he was moving in to capture your lips with his one more time, a quiet buzzing was heard from somewhere. It took you a moment to register that it was your phone that was sitting in your purse.

“I think that’s yours,” Harry chuckled quietly, air hitting your lips as he spoke.

“Oh, fuck I’m sorry,” you pulled your arms away from him, fingers fumbling with the zipper of your bag. Pulling your phone out, you saw your brother's name flash across the screen.

You knew you should answer it, but you didn’t want to and he had already interrupted you. Declining the call with a text, telling him you couldn’t talk right now, you placed your phone back into your bag.

“Sorry about that,” you hummed, gazing back up at Harry.

“It’s not a problem,” he grinned down at you, a hand still wrapped around your waist. “It is getting late though, let me get you home, yeah?”

Waking up to a ringing phone wasn’t ideal. Especially early on your day off.

At first you thought it was your alarm, and you tried to snooze it. And then when it started ringing again, you slowly blinked yourself out of sleep to squint at the phone screen.

Realizing it was a call, realizing it was a call from your boss at seven in the morning, you sprang up.

“Hello?”

She spoke your name, seemingly relieved to hear you answering the phone. “I’m so sorry to be calling you, I know it’s your day off.”

“It’s okay,” your voice was groggy. “What’s up?”

“No one’s at the shop right now – no one’s opened.”

You jumped out of bed this time, double checking the clock on your phone to see it five minutes past seven. “What?!”

“I happened to check the cameras this morning, and no one is there. Do you think you could head over there to open?”

You let out a sigh, hearing the desperation in her voice. She was away at the moment, otherwise you knew she would do it herself. It was also lucky that she could check the security cameras from her phone, something you knew she did very rarely.

“It would just be for a bit; I can get a hold of someone else to finish off the rest of the shift.”

“Yeah I can go over,” you were already looking for your pants. “I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“Thank you so much,” she rushed through the phone. “Noah was supposed to open today I think, right? I’ve been trying to get a hold of him but not luck so far.”

After getting off the phone with your boss, you quickly pulled on jeans and a bra, a baggy shirt over the rest of your body before jumping to the washroom.

There had been moments where you had to get ready in a rush before, of course you had, it happened to everyone to sleep past their alarm. But the magic of the opening shift is that even if you were late to the beginning of the shift, it was always possible to get there before the café actually opened.

Today you didn’t have that pleasure, you would likely be arriving after half past seven at the earliest.

Mentally cursing Noah, you tried to the best with your hair you possibly could and roughly rubbed in some moisturizer into your skin before you were running out the door.

After a not so elegant speed walk down the street, you were unlocking the café doors and unfortunately leaving the door propped open for anyone to walk in.

And to your displeasure, people did walk in. You had a grumbling regular who was mad he couldn’t come in bright and early, you had a big family grabbing an early breakfast, you just had too many people asking you for things all while trying to open the café.

It was only after an hour that things settled a bit, that you were able to catch a breather and actually grab yourself a glass of water.

You were sat on the little stool in the back room, keeping your eye on the front counter in case anyone showed up. Updating Grace, your boss and owner of the café, on how everything was fine on your end and that you still hadn’t heard a peep from Noah who was the one supposed to open today.

It was just as you sent him one more text, that your name was heard from a familiar voice. You saw Harry poking his head through the doorway, both of your expressions mirroring the others in your surprise.

“Hey,” you sighed, running a hand over your hair, knowing you looked a bit a mess. Standing from the stool, you walked the short distance to the doorway as you leant up against it with your glass in hand.

“I thought you were off today?” He grinned dimples showing on his cheeks. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, I just – didn’t expect it is all.”

“I am,” you couldn’t help the hint of bitterness in your tone. “No one came in to open this morning – I got called in.”

You saw his eyebrows fall to a small furrow. “Oh fuck. How does that happen, no one opening?”

Only shrugging your shoulders, you took another sip of your water. You couldn’t help but gently shut your eyes, feeling your exhaust slowly overcome you.

“I don’t know. Can’t get a hold of the person who was supposed to open. I mean I’m assuming that they’re just still sleeping or something.”

“That’s shitty, and on your day off too.”

“It’s okay,” you shot him a small smile. “At least I don’t have to work the full shift today, just opening and I should be off soon, someone else is coming in to finish the shift. Did you want to get a coffee?”

“Uhm – if you were taking a little break its okay, I don’t need to –”

You cut him off with a laugh. “Stop that, I’ll get you a coffee.”

“Just to go for today,” he spoke, as you were tamping the espresso grounds. Nodding as you grabbed a paper to go cup, placing it under the portafilter and pressing the button to begin the slow and steady pour of espresso.

“What do you have going on today?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the passing seconds of the espresso pour.

“I’m actually headed over to Yanis’ place – a few of us are working on a collaboration piece together.”

“That’s so cool,” you smiled, sliding the to-go cup over to him as he grabbed a lid from where they were on the counter.

“What about you?” He returned your grin. “Get some sleep after this impromptu morning shift and before another week of work?”

“Oh, I’m actually going to be off for the next week or so,” you spoke absentmindedly. “My brother is coming to stay with me.”

“That’ll be good,” Harry mused from across you, having never heard you speak about your brother.

You only sighed, his words not really registering. “I guess.”

Not wanting to think too much about the week you were going to have to spend with your brother, you cleaned out the portafilter and tried to change the subject. “What are you working on with everyone?”

Harry was quiet for a second, eyes intent on you before he cleared his throat and answered. “It's all Yanis’ idea – he wanted a big collaboration but really, he’s the brains behind everything. We’re just starting today so honestly I’m not really sure what will come of it.”

“That sounds like it’s gonna be good,” you grinned.

“I hope so –” he paused, checking his phone, “sorry I have to head out. But I hope your day gets better and I’ll see you soon!”

You waved as he left, only a few more minutes into you were able to leave the café.

You physically felt your shoulders drop when you saw Aleena walk through the door. She had been scheduled to work today already, just coming in a bit earlier to give you a big helping hand.

“Thank you so much,” was the first thing you said when you saw her. “You are the absolute best. I promise I’ll buy you a drink, or dinner.”

She laughed. “No need for that, really. Should be Noah buying both of us dinner.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, nodding your head. “He really should be.”

She clocked in, and you waited a second before speaking again. “Is it okay if I head out now? I can stay and help if you need me to but –”

She cut you off. “Go, go. I know you have to go get your brother later today, and I’m sure you don’t want to be here right now.”

You could kiss her. “Really, thank you so much.”

You were rushing out of the café after grabbing your bag. You wanted to shower as soon as you got home, hopefully having the time for a little nap before you had to go over to the airport to greet your brother.

Just as you were turning the corner away from the café, a familiar outfit across the street caught your attention. You recognized Harry, nearly amused to see him still so close to the café. Your pace slowed down slightly, you were considering catching his attention or maybe just yelling his name across the street as you didn’t really have time to stop and chat once again.

Although any idea you had fell out of your head when you saw two more people with him, getting a better view of them as you walked along your side of the street. You recognized one of those people to be Yanis, and after a small squint you realized who the other person was.

You kept walking, eyes flitting over to the group across the street a few more times before you turned another corner and away from them. You knew you had no reason to be upset, or not upset, annoyed that Harry was spending time with his ex.

He had mentioned that they both still ran in the same circles, but you didn’t imagine that meant hanging out just on the daily. Or maybe not the daily, in fact you had no idea how often they spent time together. He had never mentioned her to you before, and you tried not to feel overly annoyed because you knew you had no real right to.

This just wasn’t coming out to be a very good day for you.

Trying to push everything about Harry and Rory out of your mind, you rushed the rest of the way home as you were slightly dreading the fact that in a few hours you were going to have to head over and greet your brother at the airport.

The first day with your brother was okay.

You were never that close growing up, for no particular reason. It wasn’t until you grew older that you realized you wished you had a better relationship with him, that you wished you could be like those siblings on TV.

He tormented you, in the way that older brothers usually did, but there was never a good side to your relationship with him. It got to a point where you began to realize that you nearly resented people for how close they were with their siblings.

Ever since your parent’s divorce, the two of you somehow grew closer and further apart. Closer in the sense that now it truly was the two of you against them, but further apart because your lives were in such different places.

He always knew  what he wanted to do in life, and he was currently doing well for himself. He had gotten married already, and was living in a nice apartment that was also close to both your parents, much closer than you were.

He was going to be spending three days with you, his idea. You knew it would be bad to say no, knowing deep down that you needed to maintain a relationship with him. You loved him – he was your brother but you didn’t necessarily want to spend three days with him.

You always came out of any interaction – even a phone call with him – exhausted and anxious about the state your life was in.

Since you were going to be taking some time off anyway, you decided to give yourself an extra two days off just so you can have some time for yourself and didn’t need to jump right back into work.

“How’s Sophie?” You asked your brother about his wife, as you unpacked some groceries you got after meeting him at the airport. They had gotten married nearly two years ago.

“We’re good, she’s good,” he seemed to pause, sitting in your recently deep cleaned kitchen.

“Yeah?” You probed further, noticing his sudden hesitation.

“She’s actually – she’s pregnant.”

You nearly dropped the knife you had just grabbed. “What?”

He nodded. “She’s due next March. We’re really excited.”

“Oh my God –” you muttered, still in the headspace where when you heard when you heard the word ‘pregnant’ it was usually followed by anxiety not joy, even if some of your friends from college had kids of their own as well.

“Congratulations,” you snapped out of it. “That’s – that’s great! Congratulations, I’m sure she’s really happy.”

“Yeah, she is. We both are.”

“That’s great,” you repeated, turning back around and busying yourself with starting to prepare dinner.

He was quiet for a second. “How about you, are you seeing anyone?”

You very rarely shared details of your personal life with your brother, unless specifically asked. And even then, it was all very vague.

“Uhm,” you didn’t know why you were pausing; you knew your answer. The question was simple, the answer was just as simple – but for some reason the reality seemed much more complicated.

But you really didn’t want to talk about that now, especially not with your brother. “No, not really.”

You only heard him hum from behind you, before he spoke again. “Oh. You know I was talking with mom – you know she was younger than you when she had me.”

Christ.

“I know,” you only muttered, not giving him the satisfaction of getting upset over his words.

“All I’m saying,” he could likely sense your annoyance. “Is that I know you’re having fun out here in the city and whatever, but you’re nearly thirty.”

You spun around, unable to hide your anger. “I’m not nearly thirty. I’m in my mid-twenties – and even if I was, so what? There’s no timeline I need to be following.”

“I’m just saying” he put up his hands in defense, as if you had been attacking him unprovoked.

You had to tell yourself to not continue down this path, he wouldn’t budge in what he was saying. “How’s work going?” He said instead.

Again, something else you didn’t feel too keen on discussing with him. “Fine.”

“If you wanted to get your foot into something else, I can probably help you with something at my company.”

Your jaw clenched. “Thanks, but I’m good.”

“Seriously – even in the New York office I could help you out. You’d probably need to intern first –”

“I said it was fine,” you cut him off, feeling worn. “Thank you, but I’m okay with what I’m doing.”

Again, he only put his hands up as if he was doing nothing wrong. You willed yourself to not feel too angry over it, knowing that you were already mentally tired and if you kept speaking with him about this you might start crying – something he’d only use against you.

After a few much needed topic changes, dinner was ready and you were playing a show the both of you used to enjoy when you were in secondary school. You didn’t go to bed very late, making his bed on the couch before you headed off to sleep as well.

Only two more days, you told yourself. It would be fine – it was your brother and everything was going to be fine.

Settling yourself into bed, phone in hand as you tentatively typed in Harry’s username into Instagram. You found it quickly, seeing him having no new posts since the time you and Mae had looked over his page. Although, there was a little circle around his icon showing that he had a story.

Curiosity getting the best of you, knowing full well your own username would show up if he were to check who was looking at his story, you tapped on the icon.

Holding your thumb down on the single picture eyeing over the three accounts that were tagged in the story.

You paused when you read over a username that contained the name ‘Rory’.

So he had been spending the day with her.

You tapped on her username, watching the app take you to her account. It was a public page, with a pretty hefty following. You scrolled through rows of images, tapping on a few here and there to further inspect the posts. Most were about her art, some pictures of herself and her friends here and there but nothing out of the ordinary for a twenty-something woman.

Holy shit. You were about two years deep on her account, seeing pictures from a show she had in Berlin. You couldn’t help feel the slightest bit impressed.

Going over to her tagged photos, you scrolled a bit seeing mostly photos with friends and a few of what you figured were her art works.

The one that caught your eye, though, was a painting that seemed familiar to you for some reason.

Going over to the image, you realized why there was an air of familiarity to it. The picture was from Harry’s Instagram, a painting he had done of her back in early 2018.

His style had seemingly slightly evolved since then, but it was still very much him. The painting was of the side of her face, the setting around her not very defined so all the focus was on her profile. She was looking away, the side of her face painted in hues of gold and yellow that blended into her dark hair.

Green and yellow surrounded her, like she was outside during a sunset – it was a beautiful painting of her. The caption read “inspiration”.

You shrank back into bed.

The post was about two and a half years ago, it was in the past and you shouldn’t be overthinking it. But you felt small in comparison.

She had clearly been his muse, of some kind and the fact that he was still spending time with her just was sitting right with you.

You knew, a huge part of you knew that you shouldn’t be thinking about this. You tried to think back to all the stomach fluttering and weak-kneed kisses he had given you, the way that every touch of his skin on yours felt so right.

You thought back to the other night, the nearly romantic conversation you had shared before he kissed any anxiety or fear out of you.

But still, a smaller but louder part of you was telling you that it didn’t mean as much as you originally thought it did.

The day seemed to be one thing after another, and just as you were about to shut off your phone and try not to cry because you knew it’d make you feel silly, your phone buzzed with a text.

Again, this day was just one thing after another. It was Grace, your boss, asking you to cover Noah’s shift tomorrow. He had taken the weekend off last minute, and his 9-3 tomorrow couldn’t be covered by anyone else.

Typing back an annoyed ‘yes’, this time you couldn’t help but feel truly upset. You were exhausted from work, honestly. You knew you would still have some time off, and Grace was so kind to you, but you were just. Tired. 

[fuckyeahderpcrew]

Important update regarding Galm (April 20th, 2021)

Hello, everyone. This is going to be a long post, so a lot of it will go under a keep reading.

It will include some links and a long, long, long transcript.

TL;DR John has addressed what's happened with Galm; Galm has messaged people and said some things troubling nature.

There may be some content you might not feel comfortable reading, so please be careful.

I'll put the keep reading right here, so please take the time to read this when you're able to. It's all very important. And please remember that with everything going on right now, we can only support the derp crew to the best of our ability by respecting their decisions and wishes.

Oriana_gray's post: Reddit (x) Her Twitter thread (x) cw for sexual harrassment

John's address: ( Twitch highlight here )

Transcript link: (on Reddit)

Read Transcript Below:

( URL - https://www.twitch.tv/videos/994753439 )

TL;DR John has addressed that Galm is not in a healthy mental state, and that things he has done during this time are inexcusable. Nonetheless, he hopes that Galm gets the help they need. At the time being, neither him, nor the derps, nor any of us can do anything to help him. This topic is no longer to be discussed in chat.

"So, we're gonna...before I, uh, get onto the actual stream, there was one thing I didn't really wanna talk about and, uh, it may be the reason why there are in fact like 5...6 mods in here, uh, just because this- it's something that we needed to like- we need to...sit down and talk about. Uh, just because, um, you know...it's- it's kind of necessary, it's kind of important and um...I've been thinking about it for at least a week now. Uh, so, before we get into it, just fair warning- I got all the mods here, all the mods who are hanging out. Uh, if you see something that like needs to get shut down, please do me a favor and shut it down. Uh, yes we’re having a serious sit down talk. [laughs softly] It is me, your father, we’re gonna have a talk. I...am fucking old- that’s not what we’re talking about. But, um… [laughs softly again]. Yeah, my point is, we’re gonna- we- I- this is serious- this is some serious time we need to have...um… Let me fix this really quick before we… [adjusts camera] I’m pushing- I’m delaying the inevitable, I’m sorry. But, yeah...More or less, um...so…

“Like I said- sorry. So, mods, you know what to do. Anyway… Let’s [claps hands] Let’s break it down really quick. I’m gonna try not to make this so in-depth because one, it’s not my place to, uh, divulge any information further on than what is out there. Uh, if- fuck, I’m dropping stuff on my desk, hold on. Um- this isn’t me delaying it, I promise you. Um- but yeah it is not my place to necessarily speak about a lot of the events that have happened, and… it isn’t my- I’m not going to be the one to do that. Uh, whoever wishes to talk about it and whoever wishes to tell their side of the story...I am obviously gonna listen. I’m gonna be open to it, and I’m gonna hear it out, but I need to start this off of course. And I’m not looking at the camera because this is gonna be- this is gonna be hard for me to do so I just gotta keep rolling through it. I’ve been trying to think about how I’m going to speak about this. I think if I just shoot from the hip and get it over with that’s the best way we’re gonna get through this.

“Um, so it is no secret that our friend Galm is very mentally unwell. And…[sighs] it’s- it’s one of those things where a lot of information has come out publicly- um- in the time in which his mental state has gotten worse. Um...the only thing I can say is I- it is no longer in our hands. And I say that because his family has gotten involved, so from this point forward, there is nothing we can really do about that. And that’s something I wanna stress like off the bat. I’ve spent a long time talking with my therapist over this stuff since everything has started. And...I find that I am a person who tends to internalize a lot of- a lot of things, so...uh, for me, I have been making Galm’s mental health my problem and making it my mental health, and um, because of that my anxiety has drastically spike to a point in which, uh, for those who remember a couple months ago I took a two month break off because I was having really bad anxiety attacks. And I’m not trying to make this about me. I promise I’m not trying to, I’m just trying to convey- like I- was like- it’s- things have been on that level again and I don’t want them to be. I can’t do that again. Um, but my point- I wanna get back to what I’m saying- ‘cause again I don’t want this to be taken out of context. I don’t want anything to be taken out of context and made to look like, uh, like a certain way. “Um, so, a lot of- of what has been going on. Uh...I’ve seen a lot of DM’s...I’ve seen a lot of text messages. Um, and to the people who’ve, uh, dealt with that, I know I’m not responsible for it but I am so sorry that you went through this shit that went down because it’s- it’s not okay. It’s absolutely not okay. Um...while Galm’s mental state is deteriorating, and while- I-I know for a fact based on dates, and based on times, a lot of what was sent out was during said, like, manic episodes, like those manic episodes where they were...con- they were consecutively tweeting minute after minute, constantly. Um, I know a lot of it was during that time, however, and I think that we can all agree here. Regardless of...your mental state and your mental health, um, none of that- none of what was sent to other people, none of what was texted to other people is absolutely not okay. It’s not okay for a person to um...send messages like they did- I’m trying to be as vague as possible. It’s not okay for...those conversations to be had in the way that they were had. Um...and, I personally can’t stand by it. That’s not something that I ever want to see happen in the...I don’t want to say “Derp Crew”...I’m not saying that. I’m gonna say, that’s not something I ever wanna see in general. I don’t wanna see anyone go through that ever again. Especially through um...especially due to someone who was so close to me for so long, and I’m not trying to say that- I’m not trying to say that, like… I’m not trying to be like- I’m not trying to be like “fuck Galm” you know what I mean? Like I’m not trying to do that, that’s not something I wanna do. But I just want to make a point to say what happened was not okay and we need to accept that. And we need to understand that that’s not something that never needs to happen again.

“But, on the flip side, we also need to understand that this was taking place- all of this was taking place during a deteriorative mental state, I think that’s the way to put it. Um… but again, on the flip side again, it’s still not okay, you know what I mean? Like it- it’s not. It’s not okay. Um...and, at this point, uh, th- it- I will be honest, like I’ve said, it has gotten much worse from the updates I’ve heard. I’m not going to divulge the information because again, it is not my business and- well it- [sighs] it’s not- it’s not my place to say, that’s what I’m trying to say, it’s not my place to say. Um...and unfortunately things are at a point with- I could- I could assume based on some of the things that Chilled has said, that Aphex has said, uh, that...I- I am also- I can also say that like...how do I...how do I put this…

“I understand that- that Galm...really, 100% needs help. I understand that wholeheartedly. The thing is, I can’t be the one to help anymore. Like, I can’t do it, because...my- how do I put this- uh, Galm’s mental health is not mine. It’s not Chilled’s. It’s not Ze’s. It’s not Tom’s. It’s not Aphex’s. It’s not any of you. It’s not- it’s none of our cross to bear, if that makes sense. None of us should be beholden to the burden of Galm’s mental health. It comes down to- and if I- just as an aside. If it sounds- I don’t know if I said “he” or “they”, I’m just trying to make sure it doesn’t- I’m going based on the Twitter profile of, um, uh… [snaps fingers] “she”, “her”, “they”, and then in parenthesis “‘he’ is sometimes okay”. But I’m trying to like- I- I have been really, like, I’m gonna be honest with you, I have been very, very, very careful. Because...I wanna make sure I’m trying to do this right, so, I’ve been trying to go with Galm and I think that- that’s where I’ve been with that all, because, as- as, I hate to say it, most of the stuff in that realm has come out of the blue. And I’m not gonna discredit that. I don’t want- I don’t want Galm to think I’m like discrediting, uh, their feelings, but like, I just- I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure in regards to how close the gap of these- the psychotic episodes and coming out- like, I wanna make sure he- uh- I wanna make sure that uh Galm is happy with who they are, and I’ve been trying to be very good with it. So...don’t mind me, I’m trying- I’m still trying, and it’s- I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything. I don’t wanna be. This is a serious talk and I’m just trying to make it understood.

“Anyway, so, getting back to it. A lot of this is- the things I’m saying is I’m processing a lot of this still. And this is like...this has been going on at least, for- since, February, all of this. And it’s now finally just coming to a hit, you know what I mean? And I hate to say it, but, like, what...like I said, this is...not my cross to bear. It’s none of our cross to bear. Um...I don’t even wanna call it like, the Derp Crew, I’m just saying in general. Like, none of this is for us to hold the burden of, because at the end of the day, um… Galm has unfortunately- and this is the only like, real, like, shit thing I’m gonna say about it is um… in- in the...things that Galm has said and done um...a lot of people were hurt. A lot of trust was- was broken, that I don’t know...if it can ever be...mended? I wanna hope, ‘cause I’m a person who hopes, that things will, uh, always be on the mend, as my Discord knows. I am something of a- a second chances guy. And I know I am to a fault, that I can be like that, but...um sorry I’m not- I’m not crying, my voice is just shot ‘cause I’ve been like screaming at work all day. [ wheeze-laughs ].

“Um, no, but...I personally- exactly- Jess-

[Addressing mod JessTries in chat who wrote “You always look for the best in people <3”]

“I try to look for the best in people and I’ve always tried to look for the best in people, even if, uh, those people have...have shit intentions, I guess is the way I can put it. But- not what I’m trying to say in this. My point is, um, yeah- a lot of- a lot of shit went down. A lot of shit went down and I don’t know how some of it can be recovered, but at this point… [laughs softly] At this point, my situation with Galm is… [sighs] My situation with Galm is that, like, they’ve- they’ve said to me we’re good, but it’s hard to be good when all of these messages are being shown, and people are coming out talking to you about how- okay- not talking to you, sorry, but, just talking about how, um, they were treated a certain way, and I don’t like that. I really don’t like that.

“So, my...my feeling is that, like, [sighs] I can’t really- I can’t really stand by Galm when all of this is going on. I can’t do it. I can...I can’t be of help to someone who- who wasn’t accepting it. And I can’t be...um, I can’t stand by someone who does things like that. Um, and, not to- I’m not trying to throw anyone under the bus, I’m not trying to throw Galm under the bus. That’s not...that’s not fair. Um...I honestly, if I could just, say to them I would, like, I- I feel like...like I don’t know...I don’t know what they can do...aside from getting help. That’s- that’s the main thing. Just...Galm needs help, and...I can’t be the one to provide it. Um...none of the group- none of the people in the group can provide it. None of you can provide it. Um...and, it’s a matter of owning up to what was said and done to a lot of people. And...what went down, obviously, if you know you know, um…

“But, like it’s just not fair to put you’re- you’re mental health...on- on...on your friends like that...so, I’m sorry I’m like coming down all of a sudden, I’m realizing like oh shit… [laughs softly] Um… but yeah, so like… [sighs] i-it’s hard, man. Like, it’s really fucking hard to do this, ‘cause you wanna- you wanna try and be honest, but like you wanna respect everyone’s privacy, and you wanna show like, hey, this is how it is. But, to everyone out there who dealt with this, and to everyone out there who had their- their problems...I’m gonna support you guys. I’m gonna be there for you, um… [rubs chin] I’m also gonna support my friends, but at the same time, I can’t support any of what happened. I’m not gonna stand by it, and, I- the only thing I can say, and I think the only thing that like everyone needs to say is like, you [Galm] need to get help. You need help. 100% you need help and like...I hope you get it. I really do hope you get it. And I hope things are...I hope things are on the mend for you. And I hope you can figure it out. Um… [clicks tongue]

“Okay, I think...I think I’m done. I’ve been just- this whole thing, this whole talk...I’m just- I’m just being honest with you guys. This is my way of processing my thoughts, and this is my way of getting past a topic. This is my way of getting past something of a chapter in my life, because this is...unfortunate. All of this is unfortunate that it had to go this way, and I was gonna say something earlier, it’s just- I felt as if when I try to come up with the right words, it was gonna turn...the wrong way. I really did. And like, I don’t want- I want it to be right. I feel like this is the right way, and um… [laughs softly] Don’t get me wrong...it’s- it’s taking a bit, and every time I try to… every time I’ve tried, something happens, and I don’t want- I don’t want- just right place right time I think is the way that it needs to be.

“Okay, so, we’re done. We’re done. From this point on, mods, you can- you can probably set up an automod or something like this, but mods, from this- and chat- from this point on, this- this topic? This conversation is over. Um...we’re done. We’re done talking about this. "

[asteroiideae]

Hi, I happened to catch your Sailor Moon ask meme in the tags and as someone who’s also a fan of poor obscure Saphir (90’s anime version only I’m hoping you were referring to) do you think you could ramble on about him like you did Fish-Eye in that ask pretty please? He had such little screentime but deserved so much more! 🥺

hello Nonny! I was absolutely referring to the 90s anime which is, in my opinion, the most superior iteration of Sailor Moon (though for transparency's sake I'm just now re-reading the manga for the first time in about fifteen years.)

I think maybe of all the antagonists we're introduced to in the 90s anime, Saphir gets like...the worst end of the proverbial stick? This poor dude gets exiled, and all he wants is to come home? Onscreen he doesn't even do anything that can really be construed as bad - like, he's complicit in that he tags along and doesn't try to stop Demande and the others from doing their nonsense until it's a little too late? But I have a really difficult time blaming him for that, you know? The implication is he's very much a person without much agency or power, after all.

tbh I would have loved to have seen a little more parallel between Saphir and Usagi, in that they both appear to be the kind of people who (successfully!) appeal to the better natures of the people they love, and try to use the power of that love to bring people around them back from the brink?

Then there's the whole thing with Petz. I think if anyone deserved to be cleansed and live out a normal life with the girl he loves, it's Saphir honestly - but, I think here the anime team were going more for him being the dark foil to Usagi. He tries to appeal to his brother's love for him to stop him from doing the thing (with marginal success, that ultimately fails.); he really loves someone who wants him to come back to them, and he tries to reassure her that he'll save the day and come home (he doesn't.)

my tl;dr on Saphir is that everyone sleeps on him, and there's so much content to mine despite him only really appearing in like 2-3 episodes; as much as I dislike Demande, I think Saphir is a fantastic character and now I want to go rewatch his brief arc because holy shit they hit you so hard with so little????

(I hope that was enough of a ramble for you, Nonny! I'm writing this pre-coffee, so I could probably come back and add more. Feel free to poke me off-anon if you want to chat more about Sailor Moon - my DMs are open! or if you want to chat more here on anon, I'm happy to do that too!)

[prpfz]

💉🦇 back at it with a fresh new ad!🦇💉 not replacing anyone!

i'm a 22enby fella who's got an itch for something fun and whump-y based off Dinner in America. i write in third person, present and/or past tense, semi to advanced 'lazy lit' over discord! i use servers to keep things organized, and i love chatting ooc with my writing partners :} i love obsessing over our characters, sending memes/tiktoks, sharing music, etc etc, and i'd love a partner who's the same way! i consider myself pretty active, but i do work most of the week- if i can't get a reply to you, i'll at least be active ooc. i can promise at least one reply per day (usually a lot more, but i don't wanna get anyone's hopes too high, bc again..work).

i'm looking to write some oc x oc stuff! mxm is preferred, but i'm open to potential mxf (i will be picky on this! i have a lot of mxf rps atm). polyamory is also super encouraged, but not required! and while i want to collaborate on a plot, dead dove themes are also preferred! i would also prefer to use *actor faceclaims for this! i think of it as **casting actors in our own movie, lolz. (*open to musicians, models etc as well.) when it comes to nsfw, i write switches and prefer writing against other switches, or doms. no overly submissive characters, please! just not my cup of tea, i fear.

(**about casting actors: i think it would also be super fun to format this like a movie or a tv show! with actors cast as certain characters in our plot, separation into 'episodes,' etc etc! this isn't necessary, but i think it would be neat)

okayokay, onto the fun stuff😎

so, like a lot of people, i just watched Dinner in America, and i thought it was great. i'm DYINGGGG to write a character like simon (probably also w/ him as a FC, if not a similar look) against other male or masc characters (bonus points if they're also weird/outcasts like patty!). i'd love to plot something along the same lines as those in the movie, but with a few tweaks (i'm not an expert on punk stuff, lol) of our own.

tldr? mxm plot based along the same lines as Dinner in America, but with whatever twists we want :}

let's come up with something devious together! like this post and i'll slide into your dms🎃

give a like and anon will get back to you

[scarofthewind]

hi !! i saw that your rqs are open, so mind if i request some fluff/comfort with tokoyami? i've been going through a pretty bad depressive episode so i'd love some sweet stuff with my bird boy :(

A/N: I have been feeling down lately as well. I feel like no body cares about my page (which isn’t true, I know) but I can’t help but feel that people have lost interest. Anyway, hope you enjoy and If anyone ever needs to talk to someone, I always have my DM message box open and the notifications on for it! Warning: Mild angst and mentions of depression

Red eyes stared at the empty desk in the classroom where you should’ve been. This was day number four of you not being in class nor responding to any of Tokoyami’s messages. He was beyond worried and he started to fear that something horrible might have happened to you. His internal counterpart, Dark Shadow, was coaxing him to talk to Aizawa after class, not wanting to make a big deal about you being absent in front of everyone. So, when the bell rang and everyone rushed out, Tokoyami stayed back and made his way to his teacher’s desk. 

“It’s odd to see you coming to me for anything.” Aizawa’s voice was lazy but his eyes held a concern that made Tokoyami feel that he’d made a mistake.

“It’s (Y/N). Is she okay?” Normally Aizawa would’ve kept student information to himself. However, he knew how close you two were and knew that Tokoyami just wanted to you if you were safe. The teacher nodded, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“What I tell you cannot leave this room, understand?” Aizawa said sternly and Dark Shadow reached out and shut the classroom door. 

***

You cursed to yourself as a small amount of light made its way into your dorm room; the blackout curtains weren’t doing a very good job. The Television you had turned on was nothing but static as the signal had been lost for a couple of hours now. Your eyes drifted to your phone as it buzzed again, this time it was Mina in the girls group chat, asking if you were okay. An all too familiar ache in your chest made your eyes water as you stuffed your phone in your nightstand and sunk down on your bed. The only sound was that of the clock ticking on your wall and the small patters of rain coming from outside. 

It hadn’t been this bad in a while and you were naïve to think that you might’ve actually gotten better. Depression wasn’t something you could fight by yourself which is why it was easier to handle when you lived back at home. Your parents thought it would be good for you to move into the dorms and experience UA to the fullest potential while you were there; it came with a price. Medication never worked, it only took every emotion out of your body to where you felt like a soulless corpse. 

But Tokoyami and your friends were there for you. He was there for you. It had worked for a couple of months, the depression seemed to have disappeared. No wonder that when it showed back up it hit you like a bus. Every day that you had missed, you had told Aizawa and he surprisingly understood, but told you that you’d have some catching up to do when you got better. You didn’t tell anyone else though. You didn’t want them to feel bad for you. So you sat there in your room, tear stained face and trembling hands as the feeling of dread washed over you every day. 

A soft knock on your door made you look over, watching the shadow under the door move slightly. “(Y/N)? Please, open the door.” Tokoyami’s voice made your heart beat faster and you hesitated. That hesitation is what made Dark Shadow slip under the door and unlock it from the inside, his glowing eyes taking in your fragile state. You watched as your boyfriend walked in, shutting the door gently behind him and turning to face you. His feathers ruffled slightly and you held back a smile at the knowledge that he was worried about you. 

“I understand that you couldn’t tell me what was going on. It’s not your fault, nor do I blame you.” Tokoyami’s red eyes stared into your tear filled ones and you bit your lip to keep it from trembling. “To say that I wasn’t worried, would be a lie. I had a lot of dark thoughts that made me think you were unsafe. You are safe?” HIs voice wavered slightly as his eyes raked over your body. 

He wanted to know if you’d hurt yourself. “I couldn’t do it.” You spoke softly, making his eyes flicker back to yours. “I thought about it, but I couldn’t do it.” Truth was, you knew it would kill him if he’d found out you’d hurt yourself. He would blame himself for the rest of his life and you couldn’t put that on him. You watched as he nodded and set his bag down, Dark Shadow moving closer to you and wrapping around your waist. He moved up and pressed his beak to your chin, nudging it gently. 

“I’m sorry I worried you two.” You mumbled, feeling Tokoyami’s hands go to your hips and pull you closer. “I didn’t think it would be this bad.” 

“I don’t plan on telling anyone, but I did bring some of the assignments Aizawa had for you, that way you could get started on them.” Tokoyami watched as you smiled up at him before pressing your lips to the tip of his beak. He saw the tears in your eyes and he knew that this episode was far from over. Thankfully, you picked someone to love that had plenty of patience. “But we can focus on that another time. For now, I’ll do my best to take away all those bad thoughts.” His hand came up and caressed your cheek, adoring the way you leaned into his palm. 

“Hold me?” You asked with a sniffle and he nodded, pulling you close. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take away all of your problems, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try. 

[human-person234]

UPDATE UPDATE UP DATE U P D A A A T E

I'm sobbing with relief, you guys. I've been so stuck on this. I can't believe it took me two months to update. Things were getting better, over the last week or so I managed to write a few sentences here and there, but today it just clicked and I banged out the whole chapter like nobody's business. It feels so good. I don't have the next one written, but I have it outlined, and I have a tentative outline for the rest of the fic--not that we're too near the end, yet. It's just a good sign.

I have some thoughts about the chapter, the fic, and its effect on my mental health, but I have a feeling this will get long so I'm going to put a break. Click if you want to read my rambling about all that, I guess.

Writing this fic ended up being a bigger part of my personal mental health journey than I anticipated, so it's natural that they'd be intertwined. I only wrote it because I was so obsessed with the Suicidal Midoriya Izuku tag I ran out of fics to read and had to make my own. Not exactly "mentally stable" behavior.

If you read Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better, esp my notes and comments, you know that suicidal ideation is a very real issue for me, both in my past and (surprisingly, like for the Izuku of that story) my present.

I'm not opposed to talking about it, so if anyone wants to chat about that kind of stuff, my DMs and asks are open, seriously, I love talking about mental health and any excuse to talk about myself is welcome. But I won't get into it too much here.

Basically, I was depressed, and dealing with some other physical health issues (TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN BREATHING MOLD FOR MONTHS NO WONDER I'M EXTRA LETHARGIC), and when I started to fall behind on updates, that only exacerbated my anxiety and guilt and, thus, depression.

Something else that came up for me was that I don't totally feel qualified to write about suicide recovery, because I never experienced it in the way I'm writing it.

I basically dumped this on Izuku in Wish I Hadn't Got So Much Better, but essentially, I do have experience with being suicidal, just not the "getting help" part. I do see a psychiatrist for my disorders, but no one ever found out about the suicidal part.

So, like Hizashi and Shouta say in Chapter 13, "Who do I think I am? Why do I think I could take care of a child?" I have no idea what guided recovery looks like, because I did it alone. I kept thinking, what if I'm doing it wrong, what if I'm missing something important, what if people who really had these experiences think I'm taking it lightly?

So that's part of the source for my end note for this chapter--I realized that as long as I'm doing my due diligence, I don't have to feel guilty about getting it wrong, because real people get it wrong too. Also, it's fanfiction, I'm allowed some wiggle room. I've read and loved and recommended fics with far looser basis in reality, and never considered complaining. I'm just a harsher critic of myself than I am of others, as are most people.

On a more technical note, I also struggled with pacing the story. I kept feeling like I was stuck in a real-time pace, and I couldn't figure out how to stop describing literally every action my characters took. How hard is it to zoom out and do a fucking timeskip, for goodness' sake?

For me--very hard, it turns out.

So I kind of gave up, gave myself permission to stop trying. I even stopped reading MHA fics for a little while (no way I could stop reading fics, though). I went back to one of my all-time fave fics, from what might be my favorite anime--Run With the Wind. The fic is Beyond the Wind by kstar2091.

Honestly, I thought my first fic would be in this fandom. I figured it would be a poor homage to this fic, a continuation of canon events finally giving us the romance that had been simmering all 23 episodes. My pfp is best boy Kiyose Haiji for a reason.

Uh oh, that was a bit of a tangent.

My point is, re-reading my fave fic (with delicious new chapters) inspired me, bc kstar is legit VERY GOOD at exactly what I was struggling with--passing a lot of in-story time without sacrificing content or intensity.

So, the little interlude in Izu's POV covering a week or so in the chapter I just posted--that's thanks to kstar2091, Beyond the Wind, and ofc my best boy Haiji. Once I got through that bit, it all started flowing like chocolate sauce at a Golden Corral.

There's a lot of juicy bits upcoming, some of which people have been eagerly awaiting. One of them is obvious. Others, you might hate me for?? But also I hope you'll love them, because you're all screwed up like me.

So yeah, I'm not promising weekly updates anymore, but the juices are flowing, the sun is shining, the mold is blooming in my bedroom, and I'm slowly getting back on my mood stabilizers.

If anyone wants to talk about mental health, or ask me anything personal, feel free, you won't offend or upset me. Or, don't say anything, and just keep reading! Or stop reading, idk, it's your life.

[sagamemes]

disastrio text starters episode II:  teeth and tomfoolery.   below and under the cut, you can find 75 messages dug up from the pins of the cursed group chat of three international friends, and some select dms. slightly edited for roleplay purposes, with spelling errors opted to keep in tact to maintain the Energy™. edit as you please.  tw: nsfw and kink mentions.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   when i have nothing to add i just screenshot it sorry

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] i am going to choke you.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   sorry i laughed too hard and now my mother is yelling

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it's nearly [zodiac] season, bitches

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   thunder just shook my entire car.   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   why must we all pay for florida man's sins.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i is business contact

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   only if they mentioned something about te*th

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i don't watch enough simpsons to know what that means but i love you

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   hey who wants to hear a fun fact about the progression of time

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   as if you could curb your scientific curiosity for long enough to leave the only place on earth where someone might use "hey who wants to hear a fun fact about the progression of time" as a conversation opener

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "you want to punish yourself by seeking unhealthy relationships."    [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also the stars say you may want to have your feet fucked.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   this is the worst thing i have come across all week

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   maybe it's the preparation for pangea   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   which i for one am all for

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   you're kdidng

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the real magic was the tomfoolery we had along the way?

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   that sounds like a famous last words situation

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the death of a platform cannot end our tomfoolery

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'll die hot   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   in every sense of the word

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   there's a "everything is bigger in texas" joke in there somewhere

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   what can i say i love to validate my friends

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   when ur suffering too much from anxiety to fly so u just recreate 179,997,981 B.C.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   at this point i'm taking no responsibilities you know what you're signing up for when u open this chat

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   valid and good information and all but I fucking refuse to teach my kids how to "hook up so they're not nervous anymore"

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   we need a gang sign

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i like having the reputation of terror among those who Don't Know Me

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if the worst thing that people think about me is that i have a [thing] kink then i can live with that

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   teeth r hot what is anyone going to do about it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the fact that the conversation just ends there makes it look like you legit hopped on a plane and unhinged your jaw

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the suns will come for us all

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   my conspiracy theory is strengthening

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   they're telling u to be suspicious of the house plant in case there's a mic in there

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] didn't u hear me the tractor supply is a front for a secret government agency keep up

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   who needs eyes when u got swag

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   not to completely derail the conversation but [person] just said that she believes male nipples should fall off like the umbilical cord at some point and i can't fucking breathe

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   there are only so many contexts for [body part] in a sexual setting

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   WHERE ARE YOUR TEETH IF NOT ATTACHED TO YOUR HEAD

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the Salmon Instinct(tm) always gets ya

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i immediately regret typing that

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ur parents thought gators made a nice backdrop for babymaking

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm surrounded by rats i see

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   p sure the faculty let it go on bc it would work as abstinence fuel

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i choose ignorance

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm not linking anything google at your own risk

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   just let [name] do the talking, even if it's about teeth

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   john mulaney was right

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i will relish in your suffering nonetheless

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i've got therapy at 10, and a tarot reading at 9.

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   me: yeah i consider myself a logical, even overthinking individual   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   also me: no wait fuck i'm gonna burn my couch *SLAPS THE FIRE*

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   tonightwith food, i will weep, do not fret

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   cry those shit chemicals out

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   vastly different kids of chaos, urs hurts u, i just had to eat the marshmallows faster to get rid of Bad Taste

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   finland is the florida of europe

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but more importantly it made my heart hurt

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   all roads lead to [person/public figure]

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   it is Fucking Moist here my mans   [ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   ....humid. the word i was looking for is humid

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   if there ever comes a day when i stop liveblogging my misfortune here, presume me dead

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   that's a whole child

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i hate them both so [name] just go my wrath in that moment

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   our entire relationship is based on fictional emotional s/m

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i hope u realise we're gonna kidnap u when u come here right

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   update: 4 am and i'm crying about a fictional bird child

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   can someone please kill the hobgoblin, they keep coming back and i have nothing left to give

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   cursed threeway

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   the minions crucified jesus

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   THE FUCKER STOLE MY TERRIYAKI JERKY

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   "you're a shameless little jerky thief and i hate you" - [name] about the cat, but it's better without context

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   I consider this further proof that Romeo and Juliet ruin everything

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i have the sense of humour of a 12 year old

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   yeah rodeo girls will do that to u tho

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   [name] has the brain cell and they fell asleep with it

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i'm never gonna be able to look at rich people furniture without presuming it's a kink thing hiding in plain sight

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   but who am i if not the bitch to say the thing nobody wants to

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   i must've missed deep sea penis

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   IT’S IN MAJOR IT COUNTS AS LIGHT-HEARTED

[ 𝚃𝙴𝚇𝚃 ]   op of this article has a vore kink

[magnificent-winged-beast]

Let´s meet after Xmas.

A brief remainder of tomorrow´s program:

SATURDAY DECEMBER 26 - 2020 (Tomorrow)

17:15 ET - Swan Song ∞ 05x22 ⭐9.7 💫 18:00 ET - The French Mistake ∞ 06x15 ⭐9.6 💫 18:45 ET - The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo ∞ 07x20 ⭐9.2 19:30 - 19:45 Intermission 19:45 ET - Sacrifice ∞ 08x23 ⭐9.3 💫 20:30 ET - Do You Believe in Miracles ∞ 09x23 ⭐9.3 💫 21:15 ET - Fan Fiction ∞ 10x05 ⭐9.5

SUNDAY DECEMBER 27 - 2020

17:15 ET - Baby ∞ 11x04 ⭐9.6 18:00 ET - Stuck in the Middle (With You) ∞ 12x12 ⭐9.0 💫 18:45 ET - ScoobyNatural ∞ 13x16 ⭐9.6 💫 19:30 - 19:45 Intermission 19:45 ET - Lebanon ∞ 14x13 ⭐9.4 💫 20:30 ET - Despair ∞ 15x18 ⭐8.7 💫

Please take in count the follow about this program:

The idea of this final watching is to kinda celebrate and say goodbye to the best rated episodes of every Season. There are few things all this episodes have in a kind of a “theme” in common, but in all are a sum of the most representative of the show.

The numbers after the start icon are the actual ratings copied from IMDB. And yes, the ones that have the halos have Castiel in them (if you only want to be there only if Cas is there).

Even if the theme and the amount of episodes aren´t specifically Destiel themed, there are a lot of room for clowning, this is always encouraged and welcomed in our Room and must be taken as a perk for whomever wants to join our stable group of United Clowns of the World.

There is always room for more suggestion of alternative episodes, or additional ones according what the majority decides at the moment of the screenings.

There is a chat room where you can feel free to participate or not. If you only want to sit and watch undisturbed, you can close this chat and enjoy the programming that will be aired according schedule with probably a few minutes of difference.

The intermission is optional and can be filled with whichever panel or brief video the majority wants to watch, If I end up being alone in the Room, I will choose a random Cockles panel. If the majority agrees, we can skip it and go straight to the next episode to finish earlier.

As usual. I’m tagging the people I will love to meet there, or can help me to SIGNAL BOOST THIS POST for other people that wants to join. Everyone is invited to this Watching thing, that has become a support group till the very last episode we saw together, and may hep to give some closure if anyone that reads this post wants to try to watch this episodes with a very diverse and lovely group of SPN survivors clowns.

The screening will be Open to anyone who enters the following link at any time or date of the previous schedule:

We Deserved Better Room on KAST

The link: https://s.kast.gg/g/lbfyvnfh59

Under the cut you can find a brief guide to enter Kast if it’s your first time.

How to Join the Room on Kast

From now on, all Kast parties will be private. If you get in the Room in the past, you are already a member. Technically you may not have any issues to enter, but if you do, please DM your user to send you an invite, and/or accept your request to JOIN THE ROOM.

Here is a brief guide of how to use KAST:

Please go to this link first: https://w.kast.gg/ then follow the steps to create an account, or you can sign in with your Google account.

Once you have an account simply paste this link: https://s.kast.gg/g/lbfyvnfh59 in a browser, on PC CHROME IS BETTER. There is the Kast app for Android an Iphone, in each store.

You don’t need to install the Software for PC. The software for Pc/Mac works for if you want to host the KAST. For example, host your own Watching Party, or show/teach something on your Computer. But if you want you can install it, and from there search the room with the name: THE FINAL COUNTDOWN.

YOU NOW HAVE TO ASK TO JOIN THE ROOM. Try to send me a message (My User in KAST is: Ravenzita) to request to Join the party.