#Idk it feels a little... if it had been me I'd just ask for 20 bucks to replace the remaining contents BUTTTT I'm different i guess

[venomade]

It's one thing to ask someone to replace items due to a mistake, it's another to make someone replace an expensive item that was less than a third full at its full value.

[pendingnomdeplume]

Hey, saw your requests are open! Looking back at the kinktober lists gave me the idea of a mix of cockwarming/freeuse kink...idk if that makes sense lol.

Feel free to ignore but if you're interested I'd love to see what you do with it! Love your writing 🙏

chick flick cherry pairing: hozier x fem!reader rating: explicit (18+) tags: Cock Warming, Exhibitionism, Free Use (sort of?), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Unsafe Sex, Teasing, Riding, Lingerie words: 3.9k author's note: I hope this somewhat fulfills the vision you had in mind!! This is straight up PWP, god bless.

[Read it on AO3]

[title is from my favorite shade of OPI]

divider by: sylusz

The first time you’d heard of the Red Nail Theory, you merely scoffed and rolled your eyes. Pseudoscience at best and a grift at worst, the idea that red nails are somehow more attractive to men than any other colour seems preposterous. 

How many men bitch and moan about the look of red lipstick on a woman who’s never asked? How many fragile egos have been broken by a woman standing slightly taller in red heels? Yet, you are somehow to believe that these same men will gravitate towards you, should you have just the right shade of OPI on your nails? Absolutely absurd. 

At your next nail appointment, however, the idea comes up again while staring at colour swatches painted onto plastic nails—orange reds, cherry reds, deep reds all stare back at you as you play with the idea in your mind. 

You certainly have nothing against red nails. They’re classic, feminine, a little bit Old Hollywood. You’ve never shied away from the colour before, though red reads more as a holiday shade to you. However, with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, you can surely get away with a month of bright red. Burning curiosity and a resounding yes from the nail technician finally has you picking a bright, blue-based red that pops against your skin. 

It’s all merely an experiment for the craic, though you can’t help but admire the colour once you walk out of the salon. 

Andrew has never really noticed your nails outside of complimenting them when you show them off post-appointment. He’s always sweet about it, taking your hand into his and admiring them before pressing a kiss to your knuckles and murmuring a soft compliment. His lack of attention never bothered you. Pretty nails aren’t high on his list of priorities (outside of using a strengthening nail bond and lacquer to keep his picking nails from breaking off), so why would he really take notice of yours without prompting? 

You don’t show off the red manicure immediately. Andrew is busy outside tending to the bees, and you figure now is as good a time as any to start prepping some of the fresh strawberries your neighbor dropped off yesterday afternoon. Better now than before they go off like some of the…older veg that still lives deep within the crisper drawer. 

The creak of the back door startles you just 20 minutes later, and you smile as Andrew steps inside, sans beekeeping gear that’s been left outside for his next venture. He brushes by you in the kitchen and stops for a moment to peer over your shoulder as you slice into a banana. 

“Andrew!” You smack his hand away from the punnet as he steals a bit of fruit and pops it into his mouth with a cheeky smile. “Keep your hands away from the sharp knives, please.”

It’s a rare sunny day with only a smattering of clouds hanging in the sky. The sharp smell of sweat and heat envelops you as he hovers in your space—maddening when you know he doesn’t like to be touched in this state. The culmination of love and hard labor have you feeling feral, but he will inevitably disappear for a shower before allowing you to touch him the way you so desperately desire. 

“Oh, those are pretty,” he muses before pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“Hm?”

“Your nails.” 

You automatically hold up a hand to let him admire the colour. It’s not typical for him to notice right away (or, at all), and he surely didn’t absorb the information about your appointment when you shook him awake this morning to say goodbye. Not with the way his eyelids drooped, nor the way he fell face-first into his pillow after you pressed a goodbye kiss to his cheek. 

“Thank you, baby,” you hum with a beaming smile. “I was tired of neutrals and wanted to do something fun.” 

“Well, I think red looks lovely on you.” You feel another kiss pressed to your head. “You should wear it more often.” 

As soon as he wanders off to shower, you ponder his offhand comment. 

Red isn’t a colour you gravitate towards in terms of wardrobe. You’ve always dressed in simple, neutral colours with bits of flair here and there to keep things interesting. Even your undergarments are shades of black and whatever you can find that mostly matches your skin tone. 

However, with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, there’s certainly no shortage of lingerie in a spectrum of red hues lining the Penneys racks. With a wolfish grin, a naughty idea comes to mind, and you set out to finish chopping up fruit before rushing to grab your laptop. 

***

The package that arrives at the house a few days later is nondescript, no logos or company names to glean its contents. Andrew doesn’t ask any questions as he hands it off to you. He’s used to random nonsense showing up at the door (and is, in fact, a part of the problem), so he’s less inclined to curiosity when he’s certain it will be another novelty t-shirt or pack of socks that would inevitably lose their mates—the ouroboros of laundry, as it were.

You scurry away to the bedroom and close the door behind you. With an excited squeak, you tear open the package to reveal an abundance of cherry red satin and lace. The sight of it sends your heart racing as you tentatively lift both garments out of the box and lay them out on the bed. They’re far skimpier and more scandalous than you anticipated despite seeing them displayed on the model in photos. 

Part of you wants to wait until the 14th like you had planned, but the idea of sitting on this for the next week sparks impatience. If you had your way, you’d throw these on now just to give Andrew the shock of his life, but it’s not the right time. Not yet. You’ll have to wait for an opportunity to strike when he least expects it. 

***

Opportunity presents itself in the form of a lazy, rainy Saturday. It’s one of the first weekends in a while with no plans on the docket, and both of you are excited to sleep in and relax on such a beautifully dreary day. 

Recently, Andrew has been acting a bit…strange. On more than one occasion this last week, he’s grabbed you from whatever household task you were working on to drag you to bed for impromptu sex. You’re not sure if you’ve done something to warrant this reaction, or if he’s just been particularly insatiable for the last few—oh.

 Oh no.

It can’t be the nails…can it? No, you refuse to believe it. There cannot possibly be any merit to that nonsense theory. But…it’s difficult to ignore the frequency of initiation on his end, the uptick in sly touches and lingering kisses.

While Andrew is busy making coffee in the kitchen, you rush to your dresser and pull out the red undergarments before skittering into the closet to change. You admire yourself in the mirror, twisting every which way to ensure that nothing is out of place. It’s not the first time you’ve tried the lingerie on, but seeing yourself and the way the colour pops against your skin tone has you feeling cool and confident.

A little flirting, a little teasing, and you figure you’ll have him beneath you in record time. 

A too-large t-shirt hits mid-thigh, hiding the flashy red beneath a swath of grey cotton. You wander out of the bedroom and pad into the kitchen as Andrew delicately holds down the french press. He doesn’t flinch when you slip your arms around his middle and press your forehead to his back.

“It’s almost ready, dove,” he hums lightly. 

“Can you make it go faster?”  

“Depends on how many coffee grounds you want to eat this morning.” 

You squeeze him once before slipping away to grab two mugs from the cabinet. As you reach up, you can feel the hem of the shirt rise just enough to give a peek of bright lace beneath. You pause for a moment, pretending to deliberate between mugs before plucking out two from the furthest depths of the cabinet. 

There’s no reaction, to your disappointment. Perhaps he’s too distracted to notice, or maybe he doesn’t even think twice when he’s seen you without trousers or pajama bottoms plenty of times. 

With a frown and a quiet huff, you shuffle back over to him and set the mugs down on the counter. 

No matter. You’ll just have to try harder on your next attempt to catch his attention. 

***

The next opportunity arises about an hour later when you follow him into the kitchen to clean up after a late breakfast. The dishwasher is full but clean, and you make a show of bending at the waist to unload the seemingly unending pieces of silverware crowded inside. 

Again, no reaction. 

Not even the next two times elicit any kind of comment, and you’re beginning to wonder if Andrew really is that oblivious to his surroundings. When you look over your shoulder, his back is to you as he bobs and sways to whatever tune is currently in his head. 

Goddamn it.

When the dishes are put away, you hop up on the counter and swing your legs as he dumps the coffee grounds into the bin, making sure to keep them spread just enough that he’d surely catch a peek. With an amused expression, his eyes drop to your bare thighs for only a moment before his attention is pulled away by a lorry rumbling down the road. Then, he walks away without so much as a glance back at you to peer outside like a dog on alert. 

You frown. How is this man both so insatiable yet so oblivious to your advances? Christ. This man needs to be studied.

Fine. Okay. Time to regroup and find a different strategy.

***

When Andrew goes out to work on the garden, you follow him out with a mug of herbal tea in one hand and a book in the other. He’s always happy to have you outside with him even if you’re not actually helping with anything. (“You’re my…what’s the phrase? Eye candy?” Immediately followed by him chomping his teeth before pretending to attack your neck.)

The garden is cut off from the rest of the world, trees and shrubbery dotting the fence to enclose you in your own little Eden. You feel comfortable and secure in being outside without trousers knowing that the likelihood of someone seeing you is nearly zero. It would take a dedicated peeping tom to see through the foliage and spot either of you. 

You sit on the swing that rests in the shade and watch him work, giggling each time he has to adjust the straw sunhat resting on his head to wipe the sweat from his brow. Watching Andrew transform from a chronically online lad to the oldest man you know has been fascinating. Teasing him for acting like he’s in his 60s is typically followed by endless ‘cradle-robbing’ jokes that make him snort and remind you that you’re only two years younger than him. 

As you read, you casually pull your legs up so your feet rest just at the edge of the cushion. The breeze against your slightly splayed, bare legs tells you that he should get an eyeful once he looks up. However, your teasing is either missed or purposefully ignored as he smiles at you before taking a swig of water and turning his attention back to the soil. 

You hold back a frustrated huff and set your book down. 

What is wrong with this man? Can he not feel the energy you’re trying to bring to the table? Can he not tell how badly you want him to undress you like he’s opening a birthday gift, or how badly you want his mouth on you? Christ alive, he’s had you horizontal nearly twice a day the last few days! How is this going so far over his head?

Fine. You’ll just have to figure something else out. Something that will really grab his attention.

***

You find him in his little office alcove later that afternoon. The room is dim, the shades drawn shut. The only light source is the sunlight that encroaches from the edges of the blinds and a warm lamp that sits on a side table. It’s cozy, a little spooky with some of the more macabre artwork that decorates the room. That little hint of despondence that dwells within him, projected onto the walls. 

It takes a moment for you to realize what you’re seeing upon entering, and your jaw drops as you try to comprehend the scene laid before you. 

Andrew is slouched low in the oversized armchair that sits near the window, one hand lazily stroking his cock while the other rests casually on the arm of the chair. He doesn’t seem surprised when you walk in, simply giving you a lazy, hazy smile. 

“I was wondering when you’d come in here.” He beckons you closer with his free hand.

You approach him on wobbly legs, your eyes trained squarely on the slow, methodical movements of his hand. He eyes you with a smirk, and with a smug little chuckle, he asks, “D’you want to show me that red set you’ve been teasing me with all day, dove?”

Your face goes hot, arousal and embarrassment washing over you in equal measure as you realize that he had noticed what you were doing, had seen your efforts to get his attention, and he deprived you of that for his own amusement. The man clocked your own game and turned it against you.

“Oh, you absolute bastard,” you huff. “You knew?”

Andrew chuckles, the sound low and rich in your ear. “‘Course I knew. You think I wouldn’t catch onto something like that?”

“And here I thought you were just clueless.”

“Clueless? Maybe. Blind? Surely not. Just wanted to see how far you’d take it.”

You swallow audibly and lick your dry lips as you fidget with the hem of your shirt. After a beat and nearly zero deliberation, you peel the shirt off in one go before tossing it to the side with a smirk. His gaze drops to your chest, to the red lace that decorates your shoulders and hips. A wave of smugness washes over you as his eyebrows go noticeably higher, and his hand slows while he takes you in.

“Stunning,” he breathes. “Absolutely fucking stunning.”

Andrew has never been shy about showering you with compliments, but his wide-eyed earnestness still makes you squirm in delight. It takes every bit of willpower to keep yourself from covering your blushing face with your hands at his words. 

Instead, you turn to give him a better look at your backside while you grin to yourself. 

“Thought you might like it,” you hum before spinning around again to face him. 

He’s still touching himself, eyelids heavy as he asks, “Now, what do I need to—” His breath hitches and his eyes flutter shut as he barely swallows down a moan. “How do I get you to wear that all the time?”

Before you can respond, the telltale sound of his phone startles both of you. It’s a specific ring you know all too well, the ominous tolling of church bells that alerts Andrew of a call from the arbiter of both his success and his misery. 

His head falls back with a huffed sigh before looking at the phone sitting next to him. You wave a hand as he turns to you with an apologetic frown. 

“Come to bed after, okay?” You press a kiss to his forehead before turning on your heel and scooping your shirt up on the way out. 

Impeccable timing from his manager, as always. Still, your body buzzes with anticipation of what will happen after his call. It’s not the spontaneous, impromptu romp you were hoping for, but you’re never one to complain about a lovely time in bed. 

With your mission finally complete, you fall onto your stomach in bed and prop yourself up on your elbows before opening up your phone. Seconds later, you hear the office door open, and Andrew’s soft voice carries into the bedroom, his melodic cadence growing louder as he approaches. When he enters, you raise a confused eyebrow at him, and he simply smiles in return. 

As soon as your attention is turned back to your own phone, his manager’s voice comes through on speaker, and he tosses his cell phone next to you to show that his end is muted. Before you can even turn your head to ask a question, you feel the red fabric of your bottoms being pulled off roughly. 

“Baby, what—?” 

A hand over your mouth silences you. “Think you can stay quiet for me?” 

His manager is still talking, but you don’t comprehend anything she’s saying as Andrew rounds the bed and sits up against the headboard. You watch in awe as he pulls his still-hard cock out and gives it a few cursory strokes before beckoning you closer with a soft, “C’mere.” 

“Andrew, are you even listening to me?” Caroline’s voice crackles over the speaker, and he reaches out to tap his phone as you straddle him. 

“Of course! Of course, I’m…writing it all down…” He pulls his lower lip between his teeth as he guides himself into you, eyes fluttering as you sink down until you’re fully seated in his lap. 

“Then what’d I just say?” 

With an amused smirk, he responds, “Pretty sure it was something about Bonnaroo?”

Silence. Then, a sigh that’s cut off as Andrew turns off the speaker and brings the phone back to his ear. He rubs a hand in small circles against your back as you rest your head on his shoulder. It feels so fucking good to be filled like this even if he isn’t moving. 

This has never been a discussed scenario, has never even been within the realm of possibility in your mind. Yet, the idea of riding him while he’s on the phone is exciting, and there’s a part of you that hopes to make Andrew regret asking for this. 

“Jesus, Caroline, how many summer festivals do you have me lined up for next year?” 

You shift slightly, and his hand stills as his fingers press into your back. A shudder runs through him, breath hitching slightly as you smirk against his skin and press a kiss to his neck. Arousal slicks your inner thighs as you clench around him. Andrew gasps sharply, covering the receiver with his hand to the best of his ability while giving you a look. 

“Sorry, what was that about May?” 

As Caroline responds, you feel his free hand slip down to squeeze your hip. You lift your head to look up at him, and he kisses you quietly before whispering, ��Take what you need,” in your ear.

Slowly, you lift yourself up onto your knees, mouthed pressed in a thin line as you lose the warm stretch of him, before pressing back down just as carefully. Andrew’s head thumps against the wall, and his eyes slip shut. A soft whimper escapes him, and you smirk as you lean in to whisper, “Think you can stay quiet for me?”

You reach back to unhook your bra before casting it aside, earning a delighted grin when he opens his eyes. He props the phone between his shoulder and his ear, then brings his hands up to mime taking a photo. His grin is quickly wiped away as you roll your hips, his eyelids going heavy and lips parting as you begin to ride him at an agonizingly slow pace. 

“Right,” he replies to something unheard, his gaze trained solely on you. “No, no, I think that works.” 

You can’t help but grin as he attempts to maintain a semblance of composure while asking, “And the musicians? We need to replace—” 

Caroline’s voice goes louder on the other end, obviously the beginnings of a rant about something, or someone, and Andrew rolls his eyes. His irritation is short-lived as you begin to bounce in his lap, his eyes immediately dropping to your chest before bringing his free hand up to gently cup your breast. A gentle thumb dragged across your nipple pulls a soft sigh from you, rolling and light pinching sending a current up your spine as you clench around him again. 

“Oh.” Your whisper cracks as he leans in to drag his tongue across the hardened bud, teeth grazing as he pulls away with a little wink. 

“Are those already scheduled?” He asks as you brace your hands on the headboard for more leverage, effectively caging him as you try a different angle. 

This position is somehow even better, his cock rubbing against a spot that creates a delicious pressure and makes you shake. It feels nearly impossible to hold back the sounds that bubble up in your chest, so you take to whispering expletives towards the ceiling hoping Caroline doesn’t hear a thing. 

You’re moving faster now, knees aching and core burning with every bounce. The protection of his joggers still around his thighs mostly muffles any telltale sounds, and you can hear the long-winded rambling on the other end that Andrew is clearly ignoring as his dazed, heavy gaze stays directly on your chest.

“Is that—” he squeezes his eyes shut and grimaces as you roll your hips again. “Is that happening in Dublin or Nashville?”

Your eyes roll back as you bring a hand down to rub fast circles into your clit. The creak of the bed grows louder as you revel in the heat that builds within you, a band slowly pulling taut. 

“Baby,” you whisper, and Andrew understands immediately, nods his head in encouragement as he tells Caroline, “So sorry, can you hang on for just a minute?” He doesn’t seem to wait for a response as he taps frantically at the screen to mute the call. Then, he tosses his phone aside and rests both hands on your hips, guiding your movements. 

Volume doesn’t matter now, and you pant and whine with every thrust he meets you with, fingers digging into your skin as he bites his lower lip and groans. Warmth continues to build with frantic movement that has both of you going off rhythm. 

“Close,” he breathes. 

Any reply you could muster is choked by a crashing wave of pleasure that consumes you all at once. Your body tenses as you cry out against his skin, and Andrew holds you tightly as he snaps his hips just a few more times. You feel the twitch of his release within you as he whispers, “I love you, I love you,” in your ear.

After taking a moment to catch your breath, Andrew presses his forehead to yours, eyes sparkling with the type of admiration that makes your face hot and your stomach squirm. He’s always looked at you like this—like a goddess to be revered, and he, an unworthy soul—but you don’t think you’ll ever get used to the showering of love and affection this man provides, all butterflies and a twitterpated heart. 

He sends you off with a kiss before grabbing his phone while tucking himself back into his pants. As you head towards the closet for a fresh change of clothes, Andrew picks up the phone again and puts it to his ear. 

“Sorry about that, I was just taking care of something.” 

He throws you a wink, and you can’t help but grin as you roll your eyes and wave him off before disappearing into the bathroom for a much needed shower. 

[defilerwyrm]

I'm a trans man who wants phallo SO bad but the Fear Mongering people do makes me so scared. I have such a fear of surgery anyway and people say phallo is nearly 23hrs long, and it has more risks than heart surgery does, and idk if these are true bc I'm too scared to google it..But I want it so bad, but the stuff I hear scares me. Also people saying it doesn't have any sensation worries me. You said trans men can ask about it so I hope this is ok to do on anon!!! I'd appreciate a non fear filled reply so much thanks!!

23 hours!! Those poor surgeons, can you imagine!

Virtual hugs if you’re the hugging type, Anon, and a cool rock if you’re not.

Those things are definitely not true, not remotely. It’s a long surgery, but when I say it’s long that means it’s about 8 hours all told. It sounds like maybe someone heard it referred to as an “all-day” thing meaning a full WORK day, but instead assumed that that meant a full CALENDAR day. Or, you know, a transphobe made shit up to scare people.

It is most definitely not nearly as risky to your wellbeing as a surgery in which they saw open your sternum and cut open your actual beating heart. There is a fairly high chance of a minor complication that can result in the terrible ordeal of getting pee on your pants sometimes—a urethral fistula—and in most cases, they close up on their own anyway without needing another surgery to correct them. And in this case, “fairly high” means 40%, so it’s still less than half a chance that it’ll happen in the first place. At worst it’s annoying. Serious complications, the type that put you in danger, are extremely rare.

The sensation thing is also false, because they literally harvest a length of nerve from your donor site and hook it up to your existing bits specifically so you WILL have sensation! Sure, it takes a little while for the nerve to heal, but that’s just the reality of ANY surgery.

The nerve grows back in your donor site, too, by the way. While I was typing this up I discovered that one particular spot on my graft is ticklish.

Everyone has their own individual healing factor, but speaking for myself, I had full erotic sensation before the 3-month mark, and the orgasms have been incredible. The head and base are highly sensitive, and everything in between responds pretty damn nicely too, just less of a hit-the-ceiling level of sensitivity. And, you know, if you’ve handled an AMAB person’s penis much at all you’ll know that’s pretty much in keeping with how their dicks work too.

It is an in-patient surgery so if you have it, you’ll be staying in a hospital for a few days so they can keep an eye out for rare disasters. My stay was four or five days of snoring most of the day and periodically getting woken up to eat or answer some simple check-in questions, lift my arm for nurses to move stuff, etc, and then conking back out.

Being cathed sucks, but two weeks of frequent trips to the toilet to drain your bag is honestly nothing compared to a lifetime without (or with vastly reduced) bottom dysphoria. That’s the part that I hated. Everything else was your typical recovery: 10-15 days of sleeping 20 hours a day, then however many weeks of being tired, taking meds, and careful washing, gradually feeling more and more normal until you’re back up to full and ready to get back to business as usual.

Except with this one, you get to learn to pee standing up in the process. :D

(Protip: don’t try a public urinal until you’ve got it down pat at home. Not because of cis men, but because the learning process is messy, lol! The overwhelming majority of cis men in public restrooms want nothing to do with anyone else while they’re in there. The only place anyone’s gonna give your dick more than half a second’s accidental glance is in a gay bar. In 8+ years of using public men’s rooms I have yet to see one (1) penis that wasn’t mine!)

[xoxo-sarah]

Wrap me in plastic by chromance Marcus Layton old money or rich Steve. So like he asks her out on a date. He gets there early and she lets him chill in her room while she finishes getting ready. And then during their date they talk about what they want for their future. Like a big house and dogs and all that. And after their dinner they walk around downtown and he kinda spoils her with like shoes and such. Idk the song just calls out to old money Stevie

A Gentleman and a Two Story House

↝a/n: this was really fun to write. Thank you for requesting. I hope you enjoy! 🩷🩷🩷

↝pairing: old money!Steve Harrington x fem!reader

↝warning: mid 20's Steve and reader, not proofread, playful banter, talk of the future, reader wears a dress and heels

|| Disclaimer: I do not own Steve Harrington, or any character from Stranger Things. I only own y/n and any characters I create with my own brain. ||

↝⎙ 12.1.24

The engine of Steve's car died down. He looked up at the house, taking in the exterior of it. His hands were sweaty. He wouldn't tell you, but he was nervous about this. He had been for days. He'd cover it up with the confidence facade.

Wiping his hands on his slacks, he opened his car door, stepping out. He swallowed hard as he came to the door. Shaking the nerves away, he finally knocked. He waited, hearing your sweet voice through the thick wood, “One second!”

The door finally opened; Steve looked up. He couldn't help his smile. You weren't ready yet. Your hair was half up half down, no makeup on, and a surprised look on your face. You clutched at your chest, where a fancy necklace usually resides. Your natural lips moved, but no words came out. You were acting surprised at seeing him, but he was only 5-8 minutes early.

“Hi, beautiful.”

He loves when you got flustered.

“Hey– I lost track of time. I'm sorry–you can come in. I'm so sorry, oh my god. I'll just get ready real quick.”

He shrugged you off, “It's not a problem. Take your time.”

“Make yourself at home!” He watched you hurry up the stairs, skipping every other step.

Closing the door, he looked around. The house was you. It smelt like you, the interior design screaming you. After looking around, admiring your decor, he made his way up the steps, following the sound of your hurried movements.

“I meant it; take your time. We can cancel the reservation and go later.” Steve leaned against the door frame, watching you move swiftly.

You stopped your movements, one eyelash coated in mascara while the other was naked. “But you planned this. I should've been paying attention-”

“It's fine, really. I'd like to spend some time with you before we go, anyway. If that's okay with you.”

Finishing the other eyelash, you frowned up at him. Steve pushed off the wall, walking over to you. If he thought your living room reflected you, your room was even more so.

He sat on the bed, watching you through the vanity mirror. “You're beautiful, you know.”

“And you're a suck up. What, trying to get in my bed already?”

Steve had to cover his grin, feeling the duvet under his fingertips. Your bed was soft. He imagined what sleeping on it must be like.

“Looks like I've already succeeded.”

You rolled your eyes, turning your desk chair toward the bed, watching his fingers trace the softness of your blanket.

“What are we supposed to do about dinner?” He could see the guilt in your eyes. It really wasn't that big of a deal.

“I'll figure it out.”

You two sat in your room, exchanging playful banter and anything to dissolve the tension of a new relationship. It was easy between you two.

Steve looked up when he heard the bathroom door opening, “Can you zip me?” He felt his breath hitch. You were stunning. A strapless dress flowed down your body, flowing outward a little at the skirt. You held the front up with both of your hands, eyes not quite meeting his as he stood, walking over. You turned, providing him with access to the zipper you were able to only get halfway up your back. He made a show of zipping it, fingers lingering. He could see the flush on the back of your ears.

He leaned in, lips grazing the shell of your ear, “Ready?”

You mindlessly nodded, too drunk off his touch. It wasn't even crazy, yet he had you wrapped around his finger. Fixing your hair one final time, you gathered yourself, walking toward your closet. Grabbing a pair of shoes, you made your way out of the house.

Steve was a gentleman; opening your car door, helping you get in, helping you get out, he held your hand the whole way to the restaurant, and quickly grabbed it again going into the said restaurant.

He had manners, which was rare to find.

He was interested in what you had to say. He had a sense of humor. God, what wasn't perfect about him?

“What about you?” Steve brought his glass to his lips, eyebrows raised. The lights of the fancy restaurant illuminated his facial features. He looked handsome. “What does the future hold for you?”

You laid your hands on the table in front of you, biting your bottom lip in thought. “I don't really know. As a kid, I had the same future plans as any little girl. I guess most of that stayed with me. The two story house with a big yard for children to play and a white picket fence. A dog that would run around with the kids and play fetch. But life might have different plans.”

He placed his glass down, nodding. Life was full of curveballs. He'd know first hand, with his parents, and how he had to grow up.

“How many kids do you want?”

He smiled when you didn't hesitate to answer. “Two. Preferably close in age so they can grow up close and have stuff in common.”

“So you have thought about this since you were little?”

“Of course. Didn't you?”

Steve shook his head, “Not really. My parents wanted me to think about College and what I wanted to do for work, not how I wanted my house to look or how many dogs I wanted.”

“You have time to think about it now.” You said softly, bringing your hands up to prob your head on as you looked at him.

“True,” He grinned, copying you and looking at you with as much adoration as you were looking at him with. “I'd like a two story house too. A big yard seemed nice. We'll just have to see what the future holds.”

Breaking eye contact, you tried not to freak out over how he said “we”. As in, you and him. Grabbing your glass of wine, you let it coat your throat, ignoring his eyes on you as you chugged what was left.

As you got ready to leave, Steve paid and walked out with your hand in his. He squeezed it before he left go to open your door.

It wasn't that late after dinner. The sun was just now setting over the horizon. “What now?”

“What do you want to do?”

“You're the one who asked me out if I remember correctly. I think that means you're the one who has to pick.”

He started the buckling his seatbelt. “Okay, fine. How about…we go shopping? A new store just opened up downtown. I think you'll like it.”

You looked over at him, like really looked. His hands flexed against the steering wheel as he reversed in the parking spot. He had tan slacks on, a slick dark brown leather belt, a dress shirt, with a tan sweater on top. His cuffs were folded, showing off the curves and softness of his hands and wrists. His wristwatch dazzled in the lights of the city. His hair was styled nicely, obviously held up by strong hairspray.

Feeling your eyes on him, Steve brought his hand over the center console, stretching it across your thigh. Getting a butterfly effect in your stomach, you laid a hand over him, looking out the window as he drove.

The drive was quiet, but it was nice.

Steve parked, just basking in the moment. He's never felt this content on a date before. You looked at all the people walking on the sidewalk with bags in their hands. This was on the “bougie” side of town, and the people walking around showed it with how they carried themselves. Bright lights lit up the town, iridescent lights shining from storefronts. Checking his watch, he unbuckled, before running around to your side and opening your door.

Thanking him with a smile, you let him take your hand, running across the street to get to the new store.

Once inside, you gawked at everything it had to offer. From expensive jackets and shirts to purses and jewelry. They were pretty, but become a lot less when you turned the price tag around. Steve noticed, going behind you to look at the tag for himself. He noticed when you nearly had heart eyes looking at a pair of high heels. They were pretty, he'd give it to you. Maybe it was the red bottoms that caught your eye, or the color that coated the rest of the shoe. Coincidentally, it matched your dress, and the red of the bottom matched your nail polish. It just matched. A lot better than the shoes you had on. He watched as you put off looking at the price tag, almost scared of what it would be.

“Get them.”

You looked up, brought out of your trance.

“Are you crazy?” You looked between him and the shoes. “These are worth more than me.”

Chuckling, he shook his head. “That's impossible, seeing as you're priceless.”

Scrunching up your nose at his cringy response, you just stared at him. "I was just looking at them."

“I'll buy them for you.”

You instantly shook your head, putting the shoes back. “No. No, I can't let you do that. You already bought dinner.”

He stepped forward, his arm grabbing the shoes from behind you. “I insist. Plus, I'm the one who asked you on the date. It's practically law that I pay for everything. I am a gentleman, after all.”

You grabbed at the shoe, but he moved away. “Steve, come on. This is ridiculous. I'd rarely ever wear them anyway.”

“You can wear them on our next date.”

You couldn't help the smile spreading on your face, “Are you asking me out on another date?”

He shrugged with a smirk on his face, and turned to walk toward the checkout.

Walking behind him, you glanced into the glass counter, where jewelry laid, sparking in the lights. All different shapes, gems, and pieces.

Steve turned back to you, feeling your body behind him. Even if you only looked at the glass counter for a split second, his eyes scanned your jewelry, seeing if you wore gold or silver.

Let's just say you came out of the store with not only a pair of high heels, but also a new bracelet. You could tell Steve he didn't have to do that for the rest of your lives, but Steve would insist. Soon, you'd realize gift giving was his love language.

The cup of hot chocolate warmed your hands in the chilly night air. Steve had stopped by a diner that he went to regularly and had a nice elderly woman make it.

Steve walked beside you on the sidewalk that led to your house, your bags in his hand. He walked you to your door, hand moving to your back when you turned toward him.

“I had fun tonight. Thank you.”

Steve playfully scoffed, handing you the bags. “I had fun too. Maybe next time you can decide what we do.”

“Yeah, sure. I'll make sure to bring my wallet so I can buy you some heels as well.”

“Oh, yeah. Black's my color, by the way.”

“Noted. Although, I think it would be cute if we matched.”

Your cheeks hurt from smiling all night.

Before you knew it, Steve was leaning in, his lips softly meeting yours. He tasted the hot chocolate on your lips, but he wasn't complaining.

Pulling back for air, you looked across his face. The chilly air nipped at his nose and cheeks, a light pink hue taking over. It only darkened after you had kissed.

Leaning up, you pecked his lips again, body staying close. “Thanks for everything.”

He didn't reply, only closing the gap once again.

Before anything got too heated, you lightly patted his chest, pulling away with a giddy smile. “It's getting late.”

He nodded, acknowledging what you said but still looking at your kiss-swollen lips.

“Steve,” you whined, licking your lips out of habit.

“Yeah, yeah.” He looked into your eyes, smiling at you. “How does Friday sound?”

“I think I'm free, but I'll check my calendar.”

“Alright,” He let go of you, moving his hand away from your back, watching as you stepped closer to your door. “ Can't wait.”

You watched as he walked backwards down the walkway. “ Goodnight, Steve.”

“ Goodnight. I'm just going to go look into two story houses. I'll get back to you.”

You laughed, looking at him over your shoulder as you unlocked the door. “ Yeah, right.”

He got in his car, waiting for you to get in your house before he left, not being able to contain the giddy feeling. Friday couldn't come fast enough.

•2021-2024 by xoxo-sarah on Tumblr•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [I don't give permission!]

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi Ice! This one is maybe a little on the outskirts of 'creating Black characters', but it is related to the introspective questions you posted a little while back, so I thought I'd ask for your opinion. I'm sure this isn't an one-easy-answer thing, so I'd love to hear from any other Black people reading this as well!

I'll try to keep it short.

I'm seven years and 300k+ words deep in a fanfiction about anthropomorphic animal characters, and your introspective questions made me face the fact that I've been the ignorant fandom racist. I wrote my main character as white. Now, 7 years later, I stumble over a post pointing out ... those are locs

I don't know if the authors intended for this character to be Black (nonblack voice actors, supplementary material also clearly doesn't draw him this way, though that stuff was all over the place re: consistency) and I frankly also am not sure if they Should have, given his role in the narrative, but a) that's not really up to me to speak on and b) he's got locs and mostly black fur and was inspired by Anubis. I've been whitewashing, there's no way around it.

I briefly considered going back and just straight up changing the story to make him Black, but I quickly realized that I have been writing him from a white-centered narrative and just slotting a Black character into that would arguably be Worse. Or at least racist in a brand new way. I can change how he takes care of his hair, but not the themes on which the entire narrative is built upon. I've been writing about a white man and I can't just pretend I haven't.

So my question to you is ... what now? How do I best acknowledge this? Do I just quietly come to terms with the fact that this story is racist and do better next time? I would like to acknowledge it in some way, I have a small but loyal audience and if I could use that platform to start a conversation (or just put out a 'hey, don't be like me') that would ... maybe at least be better than nothing? Possibly?

I know there's not a simple solution here that will Fix It, but I thought I'd ask an actual Black person who's open to educating what might be a good next move. Maybe avoid making another, new White Person Blunder. Here's to hoping.

I really appreciate all you do, your blog rocks and so do you.

Is that Shadow?

Okay, so I had to have a conversation with Hot Chocolate on this one because this one's a doozy! I appreciate that you're willing to stop and reflect though. Most people wouldn't be willing to do so this far in!

Admittedly, the fact that you're seven years into this means this will require a lot of effort. And, tbh, I might be confused bc I cannot tell what that character is 😅 So! After some thought, here's what we came up with:

Take a hiatus. Point blank period. Take a BREAK, do not pass go, do not collect $200! Idk what lore you've written, but you've written a lot of it. Take as long as you need to reread your works, and see if at any point you ever made it clear that this was a white person, or anything other than the Black character you now think they should be. If it feels undefined, where you can turn "hair" into "locs" or add in small details, then that could be your smooth way out. It doesn't have to be massive changes, but it could help. It'll take you time, for sure! But you dug seven years in, it's gone take you time to dig out. Maybe if you skim 15k words a week (or ctrl-F it for hair, for examples), that's... 20 weeks? Go at your own pace, faster or slower.

Unfortunately this happens a lot, where influences for characters will be taken from cultures of colors and improperly represented (the "African" god from Genshin). That's just a fact. So I don't necessarily blame you for the confusion, but... Now you know.

If possible, get a sensitivity reader! Preferably a Black one. Ngl, given the massive amount of work, you're likely going to have to pay them. Maybe give them half and you take half. Idk, but let another pair of eyes look at your work. Or maybe there's a Black reader that you could speak to and see how they feel about the potential change.

Should you choose to keep going, just try to be more purposeful and intentional about that character's Blackness. Definitely tell your readers what you figured out, why it's important to you, and then move forward from there.

Now, RECOGNIZE that many of them will NOT be pleased! That's kind of the thing about opening your eyes when it comes to racism in media! A lot of people will NOT be happy that you decided to be more intentional, especially if they've been imagining their favorite white guy for seven years. You're going to have to weigh your integrity and your will to create against that. People might leave, people that you thought were cool AF until it was time to show true colors. Be ready for that.

But that's just what I would do 🤷🏾‍♀️

[loving-family-poll]

Reading the incest confessions has been absolutely fascinating, so I thought I'd throw my own in there no actual incest but some incest thoughts:

My bio dad and mom split when I was a baby and i didn't see him again until I was about 11 when he decided it would be convenient for him to be a dad (take me out for a day a few times a year and awkwardly hang out for a few hours).

And to my weirdo little 11yo brain these felt an awful lot like dates. But I didn't really realize I was thinking that until he brought along his new girlfriend on one of these outings (who was like 19 btw) and I had this absolutely blinding rage at him for having her intrude like this. Nothing ever happened between then and when he tried to legally kidnap me when my family moved to another state. It was a very stressful court battle over phones, not fun.

And that was basically it until I was about 20, had just finished my associates degree and was feeling lost in life. I started having recurring dreams of my bio-dad coming into my life, basically saving me from any and all responsibilities. It was always us leaving to some random town in the middle of no where when I became pregnant. These dreams are always stressful but also feel very comforting idk, human brains are weird.

I'm now no-contact with him bcs real him is a dick but I'm glad to have dream-him as a small source of comfort at times.

Now this is truly fascinating stuff. I don't think I've gotten another ask like this that's not about desire for an actual family member but constructing a fantasy figure based on a family member. Desire for a paternal caretaking figure with a sexual aspect. Very Freudian I enjoyed it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

am i the asshole for cutting off my mentally unstable friend without any explanation whatsoever?

(🧠🌩️ so i can find it)

tw for abuse and cheating mentions

ok typing out that title makes me feel like i might be TA to, like, some degree but just hear me out first.

i (19, f) was in my first semester of college when i met rachel (20). we shared a class and grew to be friends over our shared nerdy interests. i admittedly didn't really like her that much at first and didn't consider her to be that close of a friend. she was really just someone to talk to when class got boring or we had a break or something.

i was actually kinda regretting talking to her at all because i clocked that she was a little unstable almost immediately; she was very quick to anger and constantly talked about fighting people that had ""wronged"" her (which included our professor who she was convinced was out to get her for some reason?? idk why our prof was a really nice lady), constantly trauma dumped without asking (i'm talking like early into our relationship too. first day we met she was ranting about her abusive mother and her childhood trauma and stuff), and always found a way to turn the focus of the conversation about her any time i tried to talk about myself or anything that wasn't our shared interests. the only reason i gave her my number is bc she asked for it and i didn't know how to turn her down without hurting her feelings--i'd been planning on ghosting the second our class ended.

so we continued to talk/text for like a year and (at her insistence) met up for lunch in between class the following semester. i warmed to her a little at this point so it wasn't too bad; at the very least her constant drama gave me something to talk about with my real friends, and like i said i didn't really know how to cut her off in a way that wouldn't start something.

so time goes on and she shuffles through a few boyfriends--all who either cheated on her or were inattentive/verbally abusive. she constantly asked me for advice, which was confusing bc she never listened to it? like she asked me if she should take back her ex who cheated on her 3x and i said "no that sounds like an awful idea" and then she exploded at me and screamed that i could 'go fuck myself' and to 'stay the fuck outta her business bc it's her fucking life and not mine'. but then the minute he (predictably) cheated on her again and dumped her guess who had to sit with her on the phone for 2 hours while she cried? yep. me!

this kinda bullshit continued all the way up to a few months ago. she met a new guy, told me all about how he was "the one" and "he's gonna be different this time" blah blah blah. at this point i genuinely stopped giving a fuck about her and her problems. the only reason i hadn't cut her off was because my other friends loved hearing about her drama secondhand and i admittedly did enjoy making fun of her with them. which i know is kinda shitty but at least she'll never find out about it?

anyways, shit starts to get particularly juicy bc two months into rachel's relationship with this new dude he proposes. and she accepts (?!!) not only that but she informs me (not asks. INFORMS) me that i will be a bridesmaid. and i panicked and just said "uhhh cool i'm so happy for you!!" so this is the point where i decide that i need to end this relationship bc having to attend her wedding is just not something i wanna be apart of and i felt that if i went through with that it would solidify our ''friendship'' in her mind and i'd never be rid of her.

so i stop responding to her texts as frequently and began ducking her calls. didn't have to stop initiating bc i never initiated convos with her in the first place. i'd answer every once in a while bc she would start spamming that she was having ""emergencies!!!"" which. they never were true emergencies; she just wanted to vent about her fiance and his shitty family or something his ex-wife did to piss her off (her fiance was like 20 and divorced twice with three kids. YIKES) and i'd listen until she got tired of talking and ended the call. not once did she ever ask about me btw. at this point she wasn't even to pretend to care about me or my life; i was just her dumping grounds for all her trauma and venting.

i thought she might've got the message that we were done bc she hadn't texted for like a month, but a few days ago i recieved a message that said something like "omg i haven't heard from you in a while, are you okay??" and. i'm not sure if i can put into words the sheer amount of exasperation and annoyance those words filled me with. like i could tell right off the bat it was just a ploy so she could get me talking and then vent and saddle me with all her stupid emotional bullshit. so i blocked her, finally. this shouldn't cause any problems bc she dropped out of school last semester (she was failing so she decided to start her own business).

the thing is, i know that she's mentally not well. she is very erratic and immature, add that to the fact that she's gone through a lot of trauma throughout her life and the end result is a deeply flawed person. at the same time i'm not responsible for her mental health and continuing to play friends with her what i don't even like her in the first place seems disingenuous. but she's got abandonment issues, so me doing this is probably gonna hurt her. although me being honest and saying that i can't stand her and her drama anymore probably wouldn't feel any better.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[adriwatchestoku]

Gavv ep 4

Kamen Rider buddy has been banished for trying to eat an envelope and dragging herself around my lap with her claws.

But here's a picture of her before she decided to be a terrible creature.

Hanto doing the recap, huh?

I like that he knows the difference between the monsters and the kamen rider

that doesn't look like snacks, Shouma. you can't make little dudes with those

or, you know, you can go back to Sachika's place.

OH NO. CHILD. YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT.

you know I wonder if they're going to address satiety. like, non-snack food is more filling and keeps you sated for longer, but snack food tastes food and Shouma can make little dudes with them.

I do not care if they get a name later they are little dudes and I love them

oh. oh no. oh this is going to break my heart isn't it

yay it's the gothic lolita twins! idk why, they make my brain happy

nylev your glasses give me the frames

I love the music. damn.

okay so @madd-paradox had asked about my feelings on the opening song and the lyrics, and to be honest, it's… a song. It took me over half of Build to like Be the One, and I'm only four episodes into Gavv, so I don't feel like I've given it a fair enough shake yet.

but I do like the use of visuals for the lyrics, and of course "i'll bite off more than i can chew" regarding protecting people is very Shouma.

idk give me some prog metal or metalcore and I'll have a little more to say. I just don't have enough experience with current day pop to give an informed opinion

but it is very cute and I can see how it's relating to the cast

and I think the meaning of both the lyrics and visuals may change as more of the plot is revealed, like how the opening of Build changed through just knowing more of the plot without any visuals changing. I still cry at the part where Sento and Katsuragi walk through each other because of the meaning I associate with it.

fuwamallow is the little dude giving us the title of the episode… that reminds me that I need to watch fuwamoco be menaces more often.

oh yeah, the old man mistaking Shouma for his son that passed away 20 years ago breaks my heart. You should never have to bury a child

"are you from overseas?" no, you don't want to hear more, it'll just upset you.

tho Shouma getting adopted by this couple would be adorable.

Look if I was there I'd materialize adoption papers out of my ass to adopt Shouma okay

grass was all you and mother were allowed to eat… hi, excuse me, I need to learn how to travel through dimensions and stab a few bitches

ADOPT THE SHOUMA!

and yeah Gavv is going to make me as hungry as fucking Tendou's cooking in Kabuto does. Fucking cooking animes in disguise

at… least the creepy lab has natural light and is clean?

"hey so you want to hear about the weirdest drug ring going on under your nose?"

oh I didn't want to think about that as freeze drying a human.

"I haven't tried one" oh you're going to at some point aren't you. or you're lying and you have.

oh you're the government assigned no social skills all blunt Kamen Rider Nerd I see

seeing Shouma just be happy to help and do something productive… oh kiddo, you deserved more than you got

alternate universe gavv: shouma's allowed to live and work on a farm and just eat all the snacks he could ever want

I wonder what snack is his favourite, because he's absolutely loving the marshmallows

time for new little dudes!

"it's awful convenient." YES THANK YOU

"just don't give him all your trust 'till you have the full picture" I like you. You're about to die, aren't you

I've watched a few Kamen Rider in my time, I know what you're capable of

Shouma has such a big heart… I hate that I know Kamen Rider so well that it's going to get stomped on so many times. I know that he'll come out stronger after because again, I know Kamen Rider, but that goodness of his heart is going to be a weakness

oh that's family

OH SHIT

ah. that's why it being red was important. because their little brother is the only one with a red gavv.

who they call an employee. well fuck

shit. i'm surprised we haven't seen shouma completely break down. I guess he doesn't feel safe enough to let everything hit him…

I appreciate how Kamen Rider has been giving us these bright colours and happy protags and bouncy designs to hide the fact these plot lines are fucking dark

oh god please get out of first person mode I do not want to be motion sick

OH SHIT SHOUMA FUCK YEAH! USE YOUR ARMOUR DAMAGE AGAINST THEM!

"hard to hold stuff" yeah this is a con build not a dex build

burning himself alive so the others may be safe… shouma…

brb going to adopt Shouma

[art-but-only-sometimes]

Stardew Valley 20 heart headcannons!

LOT of posts coming. tumblr has a word count and won't let me go past a certain amount. :/

Not trying to complain about the stuff that ConcernedApe has done. Which is incredible by the way I wouldn't even be making this post without how much ConcernedApe has worked on the game over the years but…. HEADCANNON. I REEEEEEEEEALLLLLY wish the heart events in Stardew Valley went up to 20 hearts for romancible characters. (unless there is already a mod that has it and I just haven't found it yet lol)

Like you have the normal 10 hears for non-romanceable characters. Then you have romanceable characters. The highest reasonable level that I know of is level 16. But that's after you get married. I wish that you ask a bachelor/bachelorette to be your boyfriend/girlfriend at level 10 and then you go through the level 10 to level 18 heart events as you are dating. Then you get the blue shell from the mariner and propose to them at level 18 so that you can get to level 20 and be married to them. Like you spend a bunch of time getting to know and befriend them and get a bunch of heart events levels 0 to 10 and then one or two heart events when you are dating them. Idk I'd like it to be more balanced.

Elliott first!

Elliott: 🪶 12 heart event: You go into Elliott's cabin on the days he's playing piano. He's happy to see you. He asks if he can play something for you. You sit next to him on the piano seat and he plays a song. You lean closer to him, and the song ends. He asks you if you like the song (that was beautiful/ I can think of something more beautiful) if you choose option A, he kisses you. If you choose option B you kiss him.

🪶 14 heart event: (same as the canon event) Elliott goes on a book tour to promote his book, he's gone for 8 days then comes back in the morning and sees the player.

🪶 16 heart event: Elliott feels a bit bad for leaving you alone at the farm. So he has a surprise for you. Head to his cabin at 6pm and meet him inside. If you do get there at 6 he has made a candle-lit dinner for you both.

🪶 18 heart event:(Part 1) You go over to Elliott's cabin and he seems to be having a conversation with someone over the phone. Which he was able to get after his book started doing well. He seems upset. After he hangs up he sees you at the door. He looks surprised, he doesn't want you to see him upset. (Who was that?/Are you alright?) Either one gets a response. Elliott was talking on the phone with his mother. Who called him about how proud she and her family are about how well his book is doing. You're a bit confused about why he is upset. He explains that he is upset because his family didn't care about his career before. But now that he's doing well they care a lot. Elliott says that he had thought about inviting them here but he didn't want to spring it suddenly on the farmer. (if you don't mind then neither do I/ you should invite them only if you feel comfortable). Either way, Elliott thanks you for listening to him. He says he'll ask them to come next week.

🪶 (Part 2): Elliott comes over and says that his family is coming tomorrow at 10am via the bus. The farmer meets Elliott at the bus and sees Elliott's parents. After introductions are made Elliott and The farmer show Elliott's parents around town. Meeting people throughout the day and Elliott's friend as well like Leah and Willy. At the end of the day, Elliott's parents say that it was nice to meet the farmer and say that Elliott has been doing very good for himself. They leave on the bus, and Elliott looks a little sad. He says he was hoping for an apology but didn't get one. The player looks a little sad too and gives Elliott a kiss on the forehead. He asks the player if they'd like to come over to his house for a bit because Elliott would like some company. The player agrees and they both head over there.

🐚~ Marriage~ 🐚

🪶 20 Heart Event: be home at 10 pm, after a long day of work Elliott and you get ready for bed. You both get into bed as Elliott tells you about how the two of you don't have time to talk at bedtime. Since he's busy with his book and you with the farm/mining/etc. He really enjoys the time he has with you. He asks you if you'd like him to read to you. (Yes I'd love that actually/ I'd actually just love to talk to you.) Either way, you two spend time together until you both fall asleep.

If you can think of any heart events for Elliott, feel free to add them in!

Elliott 🪶/ Sam 🎸/ Sebastian🎮 / Alex 🏈/ Shane 🍕/ Harvey✈️ Maru 🤖/ Haley 📷/ Leah 🎨/ Abigail ⚔️ / Penny 📖 / Emily 🧵

[creepyscritches]

My therapist gave me a great reframing of something I'd been thinking abt recently! I had a uh :) tumultuous childhood :)c and since like, god, idk 5 or so I'd always been kind of a loner either by choice or by circumstance. It's not really a unique situation for kids and I've always been a little off-put by the notion I was "more mature than kids my age". Especially since I knew a lot of kids through my childhood that were similar to me and none of us were really "mature" as adults defined it when it was just us kids (moved around a lot so I had a sampler platter of peers).

This all to say, I shared that I was still a child, I had a child's developing mind, and I still had a child's needs whether or not they were apparent. One of the biggest things is I never learned uh I guess "social play" because I never had social connections that were stable until I was like 16 or 17. My mother also agreed that I just never really "played" like other kids (instead I was reading 400 - 500 page books at 6 years old and preferring puzzles to the jungle gym). The answer that is always floated in general for kids like this is "you're somewhere on the spectrum, duh" which, even if true, is reductive to children's development AND dismissive of environmental factors that affect neurodivergent and neurotypical children without discrimination. I MIGHT be on a spectrum but I'm not really interested in finding a label - - just knowing myself! And I know! This was more linked to environmental factors than anything that can be tidily wrapped into "neurodivergent kid experiences". Other kids I knew like me were not always ND - - kids are sophisticated adapted learners, so they LEARN their environment as NT or ND either way.

Anyway, I have convoluted thoughts on it all and my therapist just like stabbed thru the ice and said:

"It sounds like as a kid your play was playing as an adult. Would you agree?"

And my mom and I just kinda leaned back and thought like jesus? Yeah I guess? At 5 I began to stifle emotions bc I was mimicking adults and was trying to not be another squeaky wheel during a really hellish time for us. It wasn't until I was 25 that I began to process emotions, even more recently did I begin to process non-judgementally. I didn't learn how kids play with each other bc I was mostly given opportunity to just play as an adult. :/

Idk it's part of a greater realization that I'm learning how to be a social animal and how to participate in social play in my late 20s. It's really nice to feel part of a pack for once, but kinda crazy that I missed these major interpersonal milestone experiences at critical ages. Thank God I took the college exams at 12 though, that sure made up for it huh. Idk maybe that's why it's been a learning curve as I play around w the kids in my life rn. "What do kids even do?" no wonder I ask that bc I am just now doing kid stuff too!! Turns out kids are great and just want to be genuinely engaged with when they share :) I'm an adult playing as a kid and it's nice!

[shalom-iamcominghome]

hi, shalom! i'm the email anon from a little while ago. i went to my first saturday morning shabbat service yesterday. everyone was really kind and welcoming!! i went to coffee with a bunch of people afterwards and we all exchanged numbers. i felt very out of place though. mainly because i'm not jewish and didn't really know what i doing. partly because i'm in my early 20s and everyone else was much older. i kept being asked what brought me there, since i don't have any jewish ancestry. when i said most of my family is dead so i can't be sure that i don't, i was told to take a dna test lol. i said i found that hard to answer and i just felt that it was right/felt a draw towards judaism but that seemed to be a bad answer. does that feeling of being out of place or feeling like an outsider ever go away? there were a few converts in progress there and a woman who converted 40 years ago so it's not necessarily because i'm trying to convert that i feel that way. it felt like a big family reunion where everyone knows everyone and i'd just walked in off the streets 😭. they were very excited for me to be there because everyone at the shul is so old. i think i was the youngest person there by far. idk, i just felt that it was "wrong" for me to be there or that i didn't quite belong/fit in. i do plan to keep going back as i had a great time there and this is something i've been interested in for a long time. sorry for rambling. just wanted to know if you/any of your followers could weigh in on whether or not that feeling goes away and if you do start to feel like you belong and that it's your family reunion too

You asked the perfect questions! I'm really proud of you for going through with this!

First off, yes, that feeling can definitely diminish, but I think it happens as you are in the community for more time. I felt like an interloper for the longest at shul, but the shabbos before this week, the members literally said, "we see you as family, now" when I opened up about why I was missing in shul. I definitely think you have the right idea by planning on going more. You deserve a community, and it seems like this could be a community for you - but you'll only learn by being in it!

Second, I relate with you about being the youngest. I am so much younger than everyone else, and this can certainly be a benefit (even when it's sometimes awkward). Shuls that skew older tend to love seeing young people, and I have found that they want nothing more than to help younger people find their place in this world. I'd say that's definitely been my experience in shul - the member who lent me his tehillim said he wanted to give me a copy he didn't need, so long as he could sign it. People want to be remembered, and I think this is a huge reason that people (especially older people) can sometimes go the extra, extra mile to help. If this happens, please let them! You are not a bad person for having a community, and a people to help. We are a family first and foremost, and one thing I think us as converts and students need to get used to first is feeling like family

And, finally, it is certainly common for converts to have ancestors that were jewish - even if it is very far back in their genealogy. However, you absolutely do not need to do a DNA test to know - hell, you know this, but you don't even need jewish ancestors to convert. It's oftentimes completely, wholly irrelevant. I wouldn't be surprised if I have jewish ancestors, but I literally can only know my heritage on one side of my family who are german, italian, and not jewish.

I really want to encourage you to explore this more. You have a place within judaism, and I am hoping that this community can help foster your sense of how you fit in judaism. I think it's important to not only know that you do belong, but that you can have a certain way that you especially fit in. You can - and perhaps even will - find this.

[olderthannetfic]

One time I was on a discord server, I was in my early 20s (I'm still in my 20s tbf), server for the collecting of a certain item type. Some random drama happened with a user claiming to be abused at home, we tried to help. Girl got kicked because people got too sus about it.

Anyway, because I had been involved speaking to her, one of the mods contacted me in the DMs. Told me about the situation, and I was kinda shocked, so I asked a few extra questions. Call them Mod15

Well another mod then contacted me, and told me that Mod15 was talking shit about me, for asking the questions about the situation, and that Mod15 IS 15!!! I had no idea. That mod was really mad at Mod15 because 1) she didn't like that a mod was just 15 years old. 2) the mod had basically bought themselves into the role by buying the server nitro. 3) the admin didn't do anything/incredibly passive. Let's call that mod: ModP

I showed ModP the conversation with Mod15, and showed her that my talk with him was pretty basic bitch. But man did I fucking feel disgusted by this. I never contacted Mod15, he contacted ME. I deleted my entire talk with him. It was basically just "What happened? Is everyone ok? Do you know if she's ok." that stuff.

Side info: When I joined I also asked if they'd have a NSFW channel, just "because" it kinda was the norm to have one if the hobby had a lot of adults, even if it wouldn't contain anything sexually explicit. So it was made, but there was very little happening all things considered.

Well skip forward a few weeks. We had a vent channel, and Idk how it started. (I still have the screenshots from start to finish somewhere on another discord with a friend, but I'd need to look for them.)

But for some reason we started talking about how minors, who're minors entering the 18+ channel should be kicked from the server. The admin only made the NSFW channel "click to confirm" instead of role based, which is something that was discussed later between him and the mods I was told my ModP later. (Or another Mod I got to know.)

And guess whoms't but Mod15 would freak the fuck out and start an entire thing about it. He said we couldn't demand this blah blah. One argument he had was shit like "Well we see things like these on twitter, so why care if we see it here." and like, because this is a closed space. A lot of that kinda logic, that it wasn't a problem finding 18+ content anywhere on the web, and we shouldn't bitch about it.

Hell even some other minor and a lot of adults said that this was not a good point to make, and that these warnings and channels aren't made to "just keep minors safe", but to keep adults safe as well. And that adults have a right to want spaces where minors can't and won't enter. Anyway, this went on for far too long. I mean I think this thing went on for a few hours. Mod15 also freaked out when someone suggested making it role only.

Mod15 admitted to having entered the NSFW channel, which wasn't the great point he was trying to make, and one of the other adults admitted to having shared some bodypillow designs with Mod15. Which also wasn't a particular flex you'd make tbh.

ModP contacted me in that time, and another Mod, ModT, and they were actually annoyed that the Admin refused to do anything, and still wanted to keep Mod15. They had apparently also tried to make some specific roles before, but Admin just didn't wanna do it. You know, roles that give you identifiers such as "minor, male, female, adult" or pronouns etc.

They asked me if I could talk to Admin, and I did try, but Admin was so fucking passive, he said "Well, the problem was that you had asked about the NSFW channel." Not the fact that a minor decided that this was a free invitation to enter, or that the minor decided he had the random right to contact me about something, and then bitch about me to the other mods. That's when I decided I couldn't deal with this and left, if he couldn't even see how annoying it had gotten. At that point the collection discord had also grown considerably in size, because it got the "official (collectors) server" on reddit as well, and I didn't wanna stick around for the shitshow.

Extra info: The server did have an "introduction" channel, but it didn't have roles to give identifiers. And as probably anyone on a slightly bigger server would know, you start muting a lot of channels quickly. Admin tried to blame me for not checking the channel, in his DMs to me, when at that time there were constantly people joining and I had like half the channels muted to begin with.

--

15-year-olds make terrible mods.

[blarrghe]

Shop talk! I know you're currently doing the whole writing and posting thing differently than before - like the whole thing is written, you're just editing and posting once a week. So what do you think of that? Do you prefer it over how you worked previously? Does it depend on the fic??

And how much editing are we talking? Both in terms of words changed as well as time spent on it? Do you do editing the next chapter for a whole week? Are you constantly editing all upcoming chapters??

Thanks for the ask! I love talking about this stuff :) Sorry for the obscenely long answer.

So it's the first time I've done that, and now that I'm in the posting part I am liking it a lot. I like the structure, I look forward to Wednesdays, I feel like I gathered a little bit of an audience that is there weekly with me as well, which is nice for everyone. I don't know if it makes any difference to people in terms of engagement if they hear that its completed in advance or see it posting regularly, but idk if it was me as a reader I would appreciate the regularity so I hope people do. At least one person has told me they're waiting to read it until it's finished/waited to start until it was over half posted, idk if I'll suddenly get new readers when its up in full or what but I def understand that. But yeah! The posting weekly thing has been nice. It feels productive even if I actually don't do a ton of writing every week.

Actually writing the thing took like two years though, specifically because there was absolutely no gratification to it haha. I didn't really even post wip snippets or talk about it much, because I wanted to keep my secrets. I was writing either Matchsies or A Complicated Match still when I had the idea and started plotting, so part of it taking so long is also that I was dividing my attention, and devoting more of it to the ongoing stuff I was actually posting. But I started this fic with the intention of letting it be a slow side-burner project so that I could make it "really good" by the time it went up. And that was a good call, because I did a lot of re-writes and re-structuring to elements of it, especially some of the early chapters, when I got further into the plot. To be clear, it's had the same outline all along, but there were connecting details that didn't work, like logistical travel time things that would have been glaringly annoying if I'd posted the first drafts of the first few chapters before writing the later ones. Also I re-vamped Sylvanna's character really early on into a more major role. She wasn't originally a bodyguard! Or really a main element of the story at all. Absolution came out at some point and I got Ideas.

Anyway, a lot of the editing that went into the fic before I started posting was pretty major, but by the time I was ready to actually start posting everything was much more concrete. I tend to edit the next chapter in the days before it goes up, and right before posting, mainly just for little details. But I try to give myself some distance and not overdo the constant editing so that when I do look at it right before posting I have some fresher eyes, right now I haven't looked at the next chapter (lying, I read it last night, but not from an EDITOR standpoint) in a couple weeks and I plan to put on editor glasses tomorrow morning before I post it. A big part of the editing that is ongoing is for how the prose reads, like I might come up with some gorgeous metaphor or re-do how a scene is described but keep the content the same. You get better all the time as a writer, so it's just about getting the Good Copy as Good as I can before it goes up. Every now and then I have a genius thought and go stick it in where it fits. Every now and then I also delete stuff or have a genius thought that doesn't actually fit and stick it in "CUT CONTENT" on the bottom of the doc. There's some Taren-perspective Bher stuff in there that didn't work with how I structured Ch. 20, for example. I was thinking for a sec I'd re-write that whole chapter and do a flashback chapter for him but it did not suit the flow at all and I only got a couple paragraphs in and then just... added like two lines of Taren Thoughts to get the point across instead haha. I also cut a couple chapters in half but didn't change them (19 and 20 are an example, which is also why a ch. 20 rewrite did not work.)

The most major edits I've made have been to the last two chapters, mainly to add in a few new ideas I had or to tie up loose ends I realised I was still leaving. I haven't majorly changed any of what was going to happen, it's more just me trying to really nail those last chapters. I am also constantly re-reading it in full (sometimes making minor tweaks to names in the narration ;) and also boring stuff like punctuation). I'll post a chapter and immediately get excited for the next one and go read from that point to the end...

There's also a "secret" epilogue that I wrote, really liked, and then cannibalized and entirely re-wrote like, yesterday. I wasn't initially sure I'd even post it but now I definitely will. So stay tuned for that ;)

[skibasyndrome]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thank you so much @darktwistedgenderplural, @wilmonsfolklore, @iwouldnevergetintofanfic & @earlgrey-lateatnight for tagging me in this!!!! This is so much fun!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

How many works do you have on Ao3?

17! (but only 12 of those "count", the other 5 are 6+ years old)

What's your total Ao3 word count?

107,628

What fandoms do you write for?

Young Royals

Top five fics by kudos

You crave the Applause / Yet hate the Attention

Lavender Haze

It's in the water, baby

Never Letting You Go

Close, Closer

Do you respond to comments?

Yessssss, I really want to reply to every comment I get because I appreciate people taking their time to write them a lot, but sadly I've been super busy this semester and so there are quite a few still waiting to be responded to. But!!! I've seen them, I have and continue to feel over the moon about them and some day you'll all get your replies!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If we're only talking about the current fandom... none? I don't think I've ever given anything an angst ending. I don't even know if I'd be able to do that with Wilmon

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

By that logic, all the rest lmao. I think the ending that made me personally most giddy/happy for my blorbos was probably Lavender Haze because the potential, the big feelings that don't have a name yet, the I-really-wanna-see-you-again of it all? Yeah that one feels the happiest.

Do you get hate on fics?

Not usually, no. Although I had one salty anon who apparently thinks writing about characters being attracted to each other qualifies as fetishizing the actors? Lot to unpack there.

Do you write smut?

Yepppp

Craziest crossover:

I don't think I've ever written anything that could be considered a crossover

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, in the early days of me writing fics people would go around and just... copy a whole fic and post it to their blog instead?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I get comments asking me if people can translate my fics, but I haven't seen a translation thus far, no.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! Would love to try it some time though

All time favourite ship?

Wilmon all the waaaaayyy

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ugh the list is so long. One thing that I'd LOVE to write but I'm just not sure I've got it in me worldbuilding-wise is a fic where wilmon are ancient greek heroes to be

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told that "filth with feelings" is one of my strengths. Oh and some of my favorite compliments have been ones that said I was good at really getting into a character's (let's be real, it's Wille's) psyche

What are your writing weaknesses?

How long do you have lmao? Idk where to start, hmm. I think I just always question myself and every choice a little too much in general, I have a very weird mix of perfectionism and impatience going on, I start too many new things before old ones are finished, my English isn't as good as it could be, I don't know when to stop rambling...

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I really don't see why you wouldn't use it. I think it's a nice little touch, at least I like it a lot on YR fanfic. It needs to make sense of course, but why not have a casual little "nej" somewhere, I think that's fun!

First fandom you wrote in?

One Direction, in ye olden days (2012) lol

Favourite fic you've written?

Oh this is difficuuuuult, aaaaah. But tbh I like Lavender Haze and the sequel All this shit is new to me a lot. Those are my sweet, sweet babies, because, I think I've said this before, this is my first multichaptered Wilmon fic that isn't "just" pwalp (=porn with a little plot) and I feel like I get to try myself out a lot with All this shit. I like the process of writing it and as for Lavender Haze, there are just some tiny elements in there that I feel immensely proud of.

I'm gonna (very much no pressure) tag @grapehyasynth, @oneofthosebells, @toffeelemon, @goldenwilmon & @piebingo and anyone else who sees this and hasn't been tagged yet (and if I'm double-tagging, apologies!) 💜

[dezinthecloud]

20 Fanfic Author Questions

WOAH! I feel so deeply unqualified to do this since I posted my first ever fic only three months ago and have barely written anything. So, thank you so much @caterpills and @anincompletelist for tagging me.

Okay, so here goes:

1. How many works on AO3?

7 short fics and 2 ficlets.

2. Total word count?

30,771

3. Top 2 fics by Kudos

I have written far too little to list 5 fics, so top 2:

A. Nothing says "I love you" like the words that were never said (but could be heard)

B. Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new

4. What fandom do you write for?

Red, White and Royal Blue

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always. I love writing comments and I really appreciate people taking their time out to comment on fics. Sometimes I take a bit of time to respond but I always respond to all of them. 💖

6. Angstiest ending?

None. As much as I love reading angst, I never read anything without a happy ending. And I write mostly soft things, so endings aren't angsty. Still, I would say my soulmate ficlet.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

All my fics end very happily. I can't not make the boys suffer. Happiest ending is perhaps Nothing says "I love you" like the words that were never said (but could be heard). But happiest fic overall is For a single smile of yours, I'd give you my earth and sky aka the dad joke fic!

8. Do you get hate?

Fortunately, not yet. Maybe because I haven't written anything too intense or I haven't reached enough people, but so far every response has been so very kind.

9. Do you write smut?

Unfortunately, not yet. Maybe, someday but as of now I am far too shy and asexual to write smut. Plus, writing smut sensually without making it crass requires a skill I don't think I have. But, we'll see.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. But I often think that fictional character X or Y would be such good friends with Alex/Henry (Yes, I am deranged). Maybe, some day.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nooo, I am too shy and nervous and constantly fear I am going to ruin someone else's work 🥲 (I am too shy to ask for a beta, go figure)

14. Favourite ship?

Currently Firstprince has taken over my life.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

All my WIPs are WIPs I want to finish but doubt I ever will. But one specifically was a book adaptation AU fic which came to me suddenly and I wrote a bit about and then realised the scale of the fic and scared myself off. I think about it daily and have a semi-proper outline ready and everything 😭

16. Writing strengths?

I don't see any writing strength but I remember a very specific comment which said reading my scenes is like watching a film because all the movements and expressions cann be easily visualised. Idk if it is just this one commenter but it made me very happy.

17. Writing weakness?

So much. But I especially struggle with vivid descriptions and non-dialogue based scenes. Conversations are simpler for me. But most importantly, my procrastination. My journey from brain to doc includes five stages of grief. 😭

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I really like them.

19. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Red, White and Royal Blue. Like I said, I had never written a word until a couple of months ago.

20. Favourite fic written?

My first fic will always be so special: We Build A Home (With Pieces of Our Dreams). The one I had the most fun writing was the dad joke fic.

If you did read all this, well wow! Thank you. I might be super late but still tagging some people in case they are yet to do it:

@sophie1973 @miharaikko @onthewaytosomewhere @jmagnabo92 @whispered-story @msmarvelouswinchester @porcelainmortal and whoever else wants to do it

[window-on-the-west]

8, 10, 11, 16, 20 :)

Whadda hell I can't send an ask from my main blog. Well this is corvin-art. You know that. Why am I saying that

Aww you sent a lot 🥺 thanks babe lol, I'll throw my responses under a cut

8. Is there a story idea you have that you would love if it could appear fully realized but that you do not think you’ll ever write yourself?

Yes 😭 Ategnatos, aka, the Gale mpreg fic where Giliath gets Gale's Orb transfused to him and sacrifices himself instead so that Gale can raise his and Mystra's child. But more than that I'd really, really just love to read a comfort fic with all my favorite things. Namely spacesuits/puffy suits. I could really use a comfy suit fic right now ngl 💀

10. If you could banish a single trope to live at the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen again by any human eyes (or at least your own), which trope would that be?

Omg I feel like normally I'd have a good answer for this but I do not right now </3 Although I guess I'd be okay if I never saw cannibalism again, especially if it's that "act of devotion" type of stuff? IT'S FINE IF OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TO WRITE/READ IT. I JUST DON'T. LOL. Squicks me out so much. Oh and blooddrinking but that's easier to just skip over lol it's the cannibalism that makes my skin crawl

11. Conversely, if you had to pick a single trope to read for the next seven-and-half years, which trope would that be?

So much soft fluffy comfort stuff,,, I'm really into soft mpreg right now IDK WHY. So maybe that's not a good answer for "seven-and-a-half-years?" I guess a better answer to that would be space-themed stuff, especially if it's lighthearted and sweet.

16. Is there a commonly held misconception about one of your stories that you’d like to correct for the masses?

Lol I don't think "the masses" really read my stuff but I want to make it abundantly clear that just because Giliath is my specialist little boy doesn't mean he's always in the right or that I think he's in the right. A lot of the time I'll write him and be like "man c'mon, why are you doing that?"

Dovetailing off of that, he tries to be this absolute paragon of goodness and the ironic thing about that is that sometimes he really hurts people by doing what he thinks is the right thing. I really didn't mean for him to be a Lawful Good(TM) character but he kind of is, and not just because he thinks it's Good and Just or whatever, but because the alternative is admitting he needs help and that he too has very selfish desires and wants to feel soft and vulnerable -- and he can't have that. He needs to be the protector. Even if it's corroding him in the long-run

20. Is there anything about any one of your fics that you have been dying to discuss but haven’t had the chance to?

Ohh great question, and I see I've gotten a couple others asking this one as well!!

I'm going to talk about Light. I don't actually have a ton of things to say about it but I fucking love this fic. Thinking about it makes me so happy, and that goes for the other fic on that account too (which is just a drabble but is so important to me).

I think it's funny how I basically went from sheer terror of posting something that is actually so sweet and gentle and now I'm like... okay! It's fine, actually! It's like reclaiming myself in a way. I don't usually care about my fics. I put a lot of work into them but at the end of the day they are not something that I personally would want to read. But I like reading these. Or, if I can't bring myself to read them, I like thinking about them (because I have to admit it's still kind of embarrassing to read my writing once it's posted).

But yeah, I feel a lot of shame for how self-indulgent and saccharine this stuff is, but a friend of mine (you know who you are) is teaching me that writing is a sanctuary, and that this is where I can go and be safe and my weird little self while the world outside feels like it's on a high speed collision course. Hating myself for liking things isn't helping anyone and it kind of makes others feel like they need to hate themselves, too. So while the shame isn't gone completely, every day I feel a little more comfortable being myself and just being fucking weird. And I hope I can inspire others to be like that too.