#Idk I’m having what feel like big and philosophical ideas tonight

[donothing-nothingworks]

do you ever think about how life is a series of cycles and patterns and the same stuff keeps happening in different ways

[runespoor7]

chatting with the companions

- TIL Zevran and Iris' pillow talk includes gossiping about Leliana.

I know this because Zevran just had a banter with Leliana in which he asked questions about her spending two years in the cloister. Around people sworn to celibacy. Two years. Two w h o l e years. To which Leliana replies that not everyone had taken vows, some were just affirmed – like her. Zevran's relief was palpable.

Leliana : 'Zevran. Nothing happened. The house of the Maker, blabla, inappropriate.'

Aaaaaaand we're back to dying. Iris is right there with Zevran. How why. How.

- and apparently tonight is the night I ask Alistair instrusive questions as well! Sure, why not. Forgot I hadn't. Didn't think Iris would be hooking up with Zevran on the regular before she idly asked Alistair about his own experience. It's a bit of a different dynamic, I assume, on his part. Iris and Zevran aren't exactly hiding or light with the euphemisms even away from camp.

So Alistair is of course dancing around the pot because that shit be embarrassing as a topic, and probably expecting Iris to play along. Iris has barely enough shame to function and this topic is not at all embarrassing to her, so she just goes 'Sex ?' (like, what else?) And because she's horrible and we already said she threw Alistair in the category 'A Pal' (like Jowan), she's going to say 'oh, that's so cute. You're a virgin.'

If it were someone else she'd probably pick the polite alternative of 'you've never had the opportunity ?' but in her opinion 'never had the opportunity' just means 'wasn't interested'.

And then she promptly stomps on Alistair putting out feelers whether she might possibly be interested maybe because if it's not empty flattery it... sounds like he's trying to make it mean something? And thus not something she wants to deal with. You're A Pal, Alistair, but feelings. *vast gesture* They are the enemy and you look like you might catch some if Iris played this game.

'Ah. Well said. I don't want to talk about it anymore.' (is it male ego being wounded or crushing something inconvenient in the egg, you'll know on the next episode of Iris Explains It All! But not really because that would require thinking it's going to matter two hours from now.)

- discussion with Sten covers cookies and whether birth determines your purpose in life. I'm always playing with a guide, because this is just how I play okay, but this conversation I'm navigating on purpose with the guide, because it lets me have my Warden say things that aren't in the branch but that I'm interested in her saying. Case in point : 'He might be happier' is in the first branch, and that's 100% an Iris Amell argument. But the second branch, the one that's more philosophical (and which is thus less easy to justify for her), holds this gem : 'How do you find your purpose if you don't look for it?' which I don't think I ever had a character stumble upon before. But it's a good line and now I'm going to have think extensively who among my Wardens would utter it.

...I'm going to be obnoxiously nitpicky here.

BREAKDOWN BY WARDEN. Conversation : Don't the Qunari ever want to change their lot in life?

Sten: The farmer who buys a shop is never a merchant, he is always a farmer-turned-merchant. He carries his old life with him like a turtle carries its shell.

Tabris: But that makes the turtle stronger. > Sten about duty > You don't think happiness is important?

Aeducan: Maybe he was meant to be a merchant. > Sten on purpose: meant by whom? For what reason whoever meant him to be a merchant wouldn't have made him a merchant the first time around? > You think birth should determine your destiny? > Sten about duty > I suppose that's true.

Amell: Maybe he was meant to be a merchant. > Sten on purpose: meant by whom? For what reason whoever meant him to be a merchant wouldn't have made him a merchant the first time around? > How do you find your purpose if you don't look for it? > Sten about duty > You don't think happiness is important? [you would ask why she's not saying 'duty can be forgotten'. That's because duty is so little her thing she's not even going to bother forgetting it. Duty just doesn't matter.]

Mahariel: Maybe he was meant to be a merchant. > Sten on purpose: meant by whom? For what reason whoever meant him to be a merchant wouldn't have made him a merchant the first time around? > We spend our lives learning everything else, why not this? > Sten about duty > [Idk yet. I think it'll change depending on when in the game they actually have this convo, and how Sulevin feels at that moment.]

OR

Amell: He might be happier. > Sten about duty > You don't think happiness is important?

Mahariel: Maybe he was meant to be a merchant. > Sten on purpose: meant by whom? For what reason whoever meant him to be a merchant wouldn't have made him a merchant the first time around? > How do you find your purpose if you don't look for it? > Sten about duty > Idk

|And I'll just need to swallow that “We spend our lives learning everything else, why not this?” is peak Tanis Lavellan and that's why I'm trying to give it to someone.]

I'm certain about Aeducan: birth determinism is something she dislikes enough that she'll react to that. It's a limitation that really grates in Orzammar, when she thinks of all the people who might be suited to being warriors and fighting darkspawn but who can't because casteless.

Tabris recoils at the idea of 'meant to' enough that I doubt she'll pick the second option, even for argument's sake. The idea of your past shaping who you are, that's something she chooses to believe in. It is a bit “what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.” Or more defiant. Something that makes life worth living even after what happened. “What doesn't kill you doesn't break you. People aren't things, only things can be broken. People can change.”

Amell is... if she's in a talkative mood, she could say “maybe he was meant to be a merchant”. She knows she was meant to be free, so maybe ordinary people know they're meant to be this or that. And she's not much for 'purpose', but the idea of looking for something, that's appealing to her. But 'purposes' aren't really her thing, so I think I'm pushing.

Mahariel: so he kinda finds himself by leaving his clan. That's my big concept for him. He didn't want to leave, but once he's left he feels complete in a way he never did in the clan (where he felt insecure for various reasons, in part because his parents died young and he always feared he was a burden though literally no-one ever made him think so) so “how do you find your pupose if you don't look for it” resonates, even if he decides he's not much for duty after all. For him, it would be a honest question in a way it's really not for Amell.

So we're going with the second possibility, then!

...No, I do not usually overthink discussions like this. I just hope it's not going to make me want to keep a record of every single dialogue choice I make in each playthrough. ;_;

- oh no this is the first time I spoke to Leliana since visiting the Dalish. That means she's gonna sing. Maybe it's because I'm tired, but it's much less worse than in my memories.

Nice to know that hc that Leliana's elf-blooded isn't going anywhere, though!

- Shale is... a subject of bemusement. Iris is sure of two things about them, and it's that they hated being ordered around, and also they were comprehensively bored while they were 'asleep' in the village. Both these things they have in common. It's enough for now. So long as you let Shale spilll venom and take it in good stride, they seem content.

- another thing I had forgotten about Morrigan and Flemeth: Morrigan says she remembers Flemeth looking younger, once. “She had black hair much like my own, long and lustrous.” Then Morrigan goes on to wonder how that's possible, if Flemeth is several centuries old: if the legends of Flemeth are not just that, legends, or if Flemeth only became wizened recently.

It's another conversation where Morrigan basically reads Iris' mind about love being both a weakness and a delusion. Morrigan's a bit more militant about it than Iris, but yeah. Seriously, Iris is wondering if she mightn't tell Morrigan one of these days that what she's saying wouldn't be terribly out of place in the Circle. Morrigan would take it badly. But it's a view on life that goes against nothing Iris has seen in the Circle. Maybe Morrigan might develop a perspective on Circle mages a bit more nuanced? She's always surprised when Iris agrees, as a mage raised in the Circle. Being a Circle mage isn't a choice for the vast majority of the mages there, and it's not reflective of an ideology beyond “yes I do like being alive and not in trouble with the Templars today.” It shouldn't surprise Morrigan so much to hear a Circle mage voice opinions that aren't those of the Circle, should it? Circle mages aren't the ones making the rules of the Circle.

[jatamansi-arc]

So, if you think I have deep thoughts about Supernatural and all the biblical contexts within in, let me introduce you to my best friend, who literally is like Rabbi Audrey and will school everyone about her feelings. Including me.

Minor spoilers for the episode tonight, but it’s only in a biblical sense of talking about the Big Empty/the Empty Itself:

Felicia: what do you think the empty was supposed to represent like biblically i'm just curious

Audrey: tohu va vohu formless and void

Felicia: yeah, i was wondering that, but then i also felt like chuck/amara fit that but now i'm like hahaha demiurge and sister

Audrey: amara is the darkness on the face of the deep

Felicia: i was thinking tzimtzum but i felt like that was too vague/broad

Audrey: i think its just tohu va bohu tbh since it literally says its the nothingness before creation

Felicia: true i want to know more about this crotchy, sleep deprived empty tho

Audrey:  also that is how sheol is described in the hebrew bible, the land of shades etc, where you sleep with your ancestors forever shades arent ghosts mind you they are somethihg else

Felicia: i know this, i write a jewish mortician who communicates with the dead jewishly lol

Audrey: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tohu_wa-bohu

Felicia: did u just wikipedia me u fucking little shit

Audrey: its supposed to conjure a void desert of nothingness yes i mean its pretty straight forward

Felicia: i would like a dessert of nothingness right about now but i'll settle for a desert

Audrey: i coulda link you strongs and mechon memre hebrew instead

Felicia: i am more offended you think i'm on basic level gurl

Audrey: i dont i just want something not in hebrew to link lol

Felicia: okay, fair

Audrey: basically idk if it goes into this cause i disnt read it yet but like its a description of nothingness that isnt negative its a play on words if that makes sense like in english we have to describe nothing as without things

Felicia: english is so weirdly tedious

Audrey:  yeah amara is like https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tehom the darkness on the deep, tehom actually tehom was often depicted as a female chaos diety of sorta in ancient near eastern myths pre bible ie, tiamat and chuck is just god, the ruah ha elohim, the wind on the face of the deep it makes sense that they would differentiate the empty from the darkness actually, since the bible does as well most people just dont notice it pretty impressive for spn negl

Felicia: god, i love when you talk biblical

Audrey: also its interesting that they say all dead demons and angels go there since that is also biblical af, the idea that sheol is the final resting place of everyone good and bad http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt1232.htm

Felicia: yihhhhh one of my favorite things i appreciate this link

Audrey: http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt1231.htm technically starts here at like vs 15

Felicia: also i kind of love that, if angels and demons both go to the same place, and that includes archangels castiel has more willpower than say, even gabriel though i want gabe to come back gdi danke

Audrey: >18 To whom art thou thus like in glory and in greatness among the trees of Eden? yet shall thou be brought down with the trees of Eden unto the nether parts of the earth; thou shalt lie in the midst of the uncircumcised, with them that are slain by the sword. This is Pharaoh and all his multitude, saith the Lord GOD.' basically this is some horrifying image of literally just everyone dead in their graves the good the bad, on both sides asleep forever tfw literally studied this is school .;3 religious studies best studies

Felicia: i know dis i want to do religious studies more when i go back

Audrey: this is also relevant http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt2703.htm so to translate this in easy english basically job is like, i wish i was never even born tbh i wanna be like a stillborn baby and never even be awake i wanna be in nothingness with all the great men who died in the past everything there is free and at peace, nobody has regrets etc (aka the shit the empty was saying to cas) and if everything in life is crap then death and nothing is the best option and even god fucked me

Felicia: basically: god was a little late on inventing the prozac for job

Audrey: 25 For the thing which I did fear is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of hath overtaken me. 26 I was not at ease, neither was I quiet, neither had I rest; but trouble came.

Felicia: DON'T YOU EVEN DARE 

Audrey: tldr castiel is job

Felicia: even though it's true DON'T SHAME MY SON IN THIS WAY you come into my house and call my son that melodramatic man

Audrey: he is literally job i mean he does nothing wrong but god fucks him just because yolo he cant catch a damn break he cant even die

Felicia: i know but like fuck this i just want my son to be happy castiel: angel of death but cannot even die properly does this not figure

Audrey: in the end job is happy but its the kind of happy you find at the bottom of everything, to quote bright eyes

Felicia: i hate you

Audrey: https://youtu.be/2GHyLhbdzN0 truth tho https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/brighteyes/atthebottomofeverything.html literally one of the most philosophically legit songs ever written, not even sorry

Felicia: i didn't sign up to have these feels right now

Audrey: 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #82

“there’s a child out on the battlefield, a pistol in each hand.”

so, i’m guessing you’re single?   not anymore, no. would you ever date someone because of money?   fuck that shit. your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner, what do you do?   i'm going to be realistic.  first, i'd demand him and her both to fuck off.  don't move?  i'm fucking punching her teeth out. do you have a reason to smile right now?   i guess so, but i'm not. have you had sex today?   i never have. do you remember the last girl you texted?   my mom, yeah. are you stubborn?   oh you have no idea. has anyone called you perfect before?   yes, but they're wrong. where is the biggest scar on your body?   on my left shin.  i scratched the living shit out of it with my own nails because it was so itchy. have you ever been told you were amazing?   yes, and they're also wrong. would you date someone who was addicted to drugs?   HELL no. do you get irritated easily?   very, sadly. would you rather be a blonde or a brunette?   blonde, really.  easier to dye. have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time?   yes, i do right now. do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?   i mean, it can be. if you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance?   not at this age.  literally the only situation in which i would do that is if it was jason. is it possible to ‘fall out of love’?   yeah. what happened last time you got drunk?   nothing, really.  i've never been smash-faced drunk.  the only time i've ever been drunk i was still pretty aware of what i was doing, which wasn't much. have you ever thrown up from drinking?   no, but i have thrown up from taking medicine like 15 minutes before drinking literally a sip of alcohol. do you find piercings attractive?   generally, yes. have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far?   i've been through enough to take down a lot of people, honestly. ever got suspended from school?   no. what would you do with a $10 bill you found on the ground?   if there's no source of identification around, i'm going to keep it. are you ticklish?   yes, mainly on my feet. have you taken someones virginity?   no. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?   nope. who was the last person you danced with?   colleen.  can't decide if i miss her or not. do you tan in the nude?   i don't tan period. have you ever had the chicken pox?   i have not. have you ever been evicted?   yes. would you grow your own garden?   no.  i'd honestly be too lazy to take good care of it. do you know anyone who snores?   lots of people. when I say ‘foxy lady’ what comes to mind?   the jimi hendrix song. would you own a siamese cat?   sure, they're very cute. do you like deviled eggs?   NO. what is your favorite horror movie?   "blair witch project 2: book of shadows" have you ever seen a lunar eclipse?   yep. what is your favorite daft punk song?   i only know "technologic" what is your favorite type of museum?   ones with dinosaur fossils/skeletons. if you had children or do would you tell them the truth about santa claus?   eventually i'd tell them, but of course i'd raise them to believe in santa. what color are your slippers?   tan.  they're meerkats. ;3; which accents can you emulate pretty well?   i've been told i speak british so well that i sound native. are you more awkward talking to people in real life or online?   real life, absolutely.  i'm not half bad online. do you think you’ll ever manage to do everything you want to?   absolutely not. are you a good driver? if you can’t drive yet, do you think you’ll be good?   no.  i don't even have my license yet.  i go into total panic mode when i drive; i grip the wheel like i'm driving through the apocalypse.  i also have tremors, and also due to certain meds, idk if i can even get my license. what is/was your favorite thing about school?   seeing jason. have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything?   @ rhett&link/gmm, markiplier, silent hill, meerkats... i need to chill lmao. have you ever been to a protest?   no. are you afraid of the dark?   no. what comes up on your recommended list on youtube?   gmm videos, markiplier videos, metal music... what’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet?   we had this huge lab mix (pretty sure he was part great dane) that was technically my older sister's dog named harley for a while.  he was huge. what is something you like to have conversations about?   my fandoms bc i'm pathetic, deep, philosophical things, music... what is something unusual that annoys you?   walking in the out door and out the in. who is taller, you or your best friend?   i don't have a best friend anymore. which time zone do you live in?   eastern standard when was the first time you ever listened to your favorite music artist?   all seven?  well. ozzy osbourne: 6th grade, going through mom's cds metallica: ^ marilyn manson: ^ otep: i heard "ghostflowers" in a video and really like it, so looked up more of their music a day to remember: recommended videos, actually. cradle of filth: umm... iii feel like my first song by them was "tonight in flames," but i don't remember where i heard it. rammstein: i heard "waidmanns heil" on that one rock band game. have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours?   i have not. what is/was your favorite stuffed animal growing up!   a moose named brownie what is your state or country’s minimum wage?   $7.25.  pathetic, i know. what is your favorite constellation and why?   don't have a favorite. if you could have any hair style you wanted, what would it look like?   don't fucking judge me, but i sincerely and honestly love the big, emo swoop.  my hair is just so thick so it's like impossible to get it to work with me. can you play any instruments?   i played the flute for yeeeaaars, but like, i don't even remember most notes. what is your favorite topic in history class?   the holocaust name one dream that ruined your day when you woke up.   my dad raped me. would you like to marry whoever you’re seeing right now?   i don't know yet, we haven't been together long at all.  i'm not making that decision yet. do you prefer candles or incense?   incense do you eat candy corn?   ew, no. have your parents ever thought you were gay? what happened?   no. are your parents more liberal or conservative?   conservative. when was the last time you saw your best friend?   a few weeks ago when she essentially told me to get my shit and go. how many jobs have you ever had? (including things like babysitting)   two. if you’ve seen both, did you prefer the disney version or the tim burton version of alice in wonderland?   burton's version is actually my all-time favorite movie. what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?   you want me to be honest?  an unsuccessful photographer, probably.  hopefully married by then, but who knows. what was your favorite 90's show?   pokemon, motherfuckers. what is your favorite fruit?   strawberries how do you feel about oral?   it's just... really gross to me. what do you wish you didn't know?   many, many things.  but mainly, that some people just do not cherish love. favorite kind of chips?   flamin' hot cheetos has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you?   hm.  odd.  he's not around anymore. has anyone ever told you that you have a cute nose?   lol wut how many kids do you want?   at this point in my life, i don't even know if i want any to begin with.  if i do though, two is preferable. does anyone call you babe?   tyler does.  i don't exactly like it, but i don't think we're really close enough yet for me to be brave enough to tell him so. where does most of your family live?   well.  mom's family is in new york, dad's is in ohio and michigan, and my very immediate family (parents + immediate sisters) lives here in nc. have your parents ever smoked pot?   idk. rent a movie or go to movies?   go to the movies! do you know anyone who works at mcdonald’s?   not personally. where do your cousins live?   new york and ohio. do you like the all-american rejects?   not particularly. have you ever finished a whole video game?   plenty, yeah. which one of your friends has great music taste?   hmm.  i mean, a good number of them do. how do you feel about death?   it's a very scary, mysterious thing. do you have any cats?   not currently. do you believe in the underworld?   well, i believe in hell. what is your favorite flower?   tiger lilies have you ever been betrayed?   i have been betrayed. where do you think we go when we die?   heaven or hell.  i used to believe in purgatory, but that's a catholic thing. when was the last time you went to a funeral?   yeeeaaars ago. are you scared of cancer?   i mean... who isn't?  i don't readily worry about it, even though it looks like it may run in my family.  we've seen thyroid, breast, and kidney cancers. how many phobias do you have?   i only have three that i consider to be, by definition, "phobias," those three being whale sharks, dolls, and pregnancy. how many bisexual friends do you have?   two that i can think of off the top of my head. do your parents wear glasses?  mom does to drive and read, and dad does to read. when was the last time you threw up?   only like a week back.  i think my latuda makes me nauseous. do you have mental issues?   oh, you know, only chronic depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, ptsd, borderline personality disorder, and potentially avoidant personality disorder.  fun times, right? are you good at chemistry?  NOOOOOO do you have online friends?  alex, shay, jax, lona, mini, sam, alyssa, sammy, others... safe to say i have more online than "real" friends. do you like your handwriting?  i do. are you nosy?  very. have you ever been called emo?  yeah.  gonna be totally honest here, i don't pay attention to what the stereotype is anymore, but i probably am one lol. do you have a big nose?   no. how long has it been since you kissed someone?  well over a year. if someone was to ask you if you were okay right now, are you?  for once, sure. the last person you held hands with go to your school?  he did, we're both no longer in school. what person of the opposite sex makes you laugh most?   link neal and mark fischbach<3 do you have any medication you have to take every day?  latuda, lamictal, propanalol, birth control for period cramps... did you reject or accept your last friend request?  reject.  we had no mutual friends.  the fuck did you find me and what do you want. do you like pretzels?  the soft ones.  hard ones are eh. if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, how long have you been together?   like a week. do you look at older pictures and laugh?   no, i'm usually the one cringing. what was the first thing you ate today?   nothing yet but i currently hear bacon popping ahhhh~ have you ever tried lemon brownies?  no, sounds disgusting. have you ever been to hawaii?   no.  i have a cousin there though, actually. do you have a sister that steals your things?   no. what is your father’s middle name?  john do you think that you’re a good person?  i guess. are you on medication for anything?  bipolarity and anxiety.  i was on an anti-depressant, but apparently you're not supposed to do that if you have bipolarity. have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?   ... i was a cheerleader when i was really little. are you irish?  yeah. do you know how to insert a tampon?   yeah are you ever afraid to be yourself?  only always. how many people have told you they were in love with you?   one or two. are you emotional?   too emotional. who is one person that you no longer hang out with? why did that association end?   colleen.  because essentially, she's a judgmental child in a 21-year-old body. who was the last person to endanger your life, whether it was accidentally or intentionally?   ummm.  idk. have you ever experienced an overly clinging boy-/girlfriend?   no. with which family member do you get along with the least? the best?   least, my grandma.  best, probably my dad. have you ever felt like someone abandoned you? if yes, explain?   i felt like my dad did for a few years, but jason absolutely did. what are some unfair stereotypes against women?   JUST SOME?!  well, above anything else, that we're less competent than men and are overall the weaker gender. how about against men?   that they're all insensitive pigs and that they must be logical at all times. who was the last person to make you feel like you mattered?   mom, i guess, for bringing me to debbie's so i wouldn't be home with nothing to do. do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes?   horizontal. can you name all 50 american states?   probably not. have you ever ridden a motorcycle?   no. have you ever needed stitches?   on my chin, yeah. have you ever been in a submarine?   no. do you think barbie is a negative role model for young girls?   in some ways, sure.  unrealistic expectations can be set. have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna?   hot tub, yeah.  i will absolutely never go in a sauna. do you believe there used to be dragons?   nope. who’s your favorite god from ancient history?   i'm not entirely sure. who was your first kiss?   jason have you ever carved a pumpkin?   a badass one, i must say. did you ever have a treehouse as a kid?   no. have you ever appeared on youtube?   ohhhh god. could you ever have an affair with a married person?   noooo. have you ever planted a tree?   yes.  an apple tree, i think. can you count your number of serious relationships on one hand?   one, so yes how about number of sexual partners?   again, one, so yeah. what’s your middle name?   marie.  my catholic middle name is catherine tho and i still use it because that's part of my upbringing, history, and making of who i am. do you have any siblings?   two immediate sisters, ashley and nicole, three half-sisters named misty, mary kathryn (katie), and tiffany (whom i've never met), and a half-brother named robert (bobby). do you care if people hate you for no reason?   i honestly kinda do. are you one of those people who gets jealous of boys/girls your current bf/gf dated?   nah.  their relationships ended for a reason, so why be jealous? your last ex runs up to you, kisses you, & tells you they want you back. you?   this is the first occasion in my life where i can honestly say i think i'd slap him, roll my eyes, and walk away. is it easy to make you cry?   painfully easy. what color is your hair naturally?   i was born dirty blonde, but it turned brown with age. are you afraid of heights?   in some situations, yes. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?   i do that VERY easily.  like, i SOB. do you find piercings attractive?   in general, sure. do you find tattoos attractive?   again, generally. do you curse in front of your parents?   with dad, i'm totally open.  mom, i generally don't say "fuck." do you like eating mashed potatoes?   no, i hate mashed potatoes. have you ever been called a bad influence?   no. have you ever been to disney world?   i have. do you ever play games on the computer?   i currently can't, because my gaming laptop currently has a fried psu or graphics card.  i used to play repeats of both the "amnesia" games (particularly the sequel), i'd occasionally progress in "outlast," and i regularly played "world of warcraft," which was very important to me for like two years.  i guess conditions have kinda forced me to quit, but i still vaguely keep up with what's going on in the game. do you and your significant other have a special song? what is it?   no. what if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted?   ... well that's a mess because that's a gay scene i couldn't even begin to concoct the last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them?   on the cheek.  honestly because i felt pressured to. is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex?   no.  i have literally nothing more to say. if your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it?   it doesn't bother me, no.  and i never felt pressured because my friends had done it, but rather by my age, i guess.  it's a very weak thought and honestly does not come often, so it's not much of a nuisance, but sometimes it is weird- not embarrassing, mind you- to admit "oh yeah i'm 21 and still a virgin despite having been in a very serious relationship." name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up.   oh god, seven?  that's a lot.  um.  well, writing it one; giving it up would be... kinda devastating, because i do it so much on a daily basis.  photography is another, and that would really fucking suck to give it up because i want to make a career out of that.  watching my favorite youtubers is a ginormous one, and tbh i'd rather die than have to lose that hobby.  um, i like gaming obvs, but i could give it up because i obviously have due to my computer issue and the fact my consoles are broken.  i don't enjoy not being able to do it, but i mean, i've survived.  i like drawing when i actually have inspiration... but i could also give it up because again, i pretty much have because i judge my work excessively, and i got tired of it.  i like exploring the outdoors/interesting areas, but i barely ever have the chance to even do this, so i mean, there's nothing to give up.  i enjoy fishing, but it's another thing i haven't done in actual years, so. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show?   i'm not sure... but both my parents really love "the big bang theory" when you were younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with?   mom would threaten to count to one, lmao.  i always assumed zero meant i'd get spanked. who has the biggest ego you know?   jason's best friend dillon. how would you react if your last ex wanted to get back together?   ugh. do you and your family go on a vacation ever year?   no. who was your most romantic moment with?   jason who does your most embarrassing moment involve?   also jason. does your dad swear?   yeah. when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?   well that's remotely creepy lol, no. do you know how to tap dance?   i know how to clog, and i mean, it's the same thing, just different shoes. are you craving any food right now? if so, what?   yeah, i want pizza. ;-; what’s your favorite flavor of skittles?   RED when was the last time you used oil pastels?   high school if pot was finally legalized where you live, what would you do?   quite honestly be mad because people are fucking stupid.  as if cigarettes weren't enough of an issue. how bad are your hangovers?   i've never had one. do you think taco bell is nasty?   well i don't like mexican, so... have you ever taken a break from facebook or other social media? why?   i haven't. who knows about your tumblr account?   only online friends. where did you and your current interest go on your first date?   to the movies + a pizza place. who was your high school sweetheart? are you still in contact?   jason, and no. were you popular or invisible in high school?   totally invisible. have you ever experienced two people fighting over you (physically or mentally)? what happened?   juan and jason had "issues."  jason at least seemed to have very little issue with him, but juan absolutely loathed jason.  despite not really showing dislike towards him, there was one occasion where circumstances had it where both jason and juan were at my house, and the fucking tension was unreal.  jason and i had been dating for around a year now, so i mean i loved him, but i wasn't impressed with him bringing up certain things between he and juan (they weren't exactly fond of each other before me due to someone they had both had relations with); jason clearly meant these things to not be aggressive or anything, but rather to just be nostalgic, but y'know... just don't.  he was perfectly aware juan didn't like him; don't bait the dude.  nothing actually went wrong, but ugh, that was stressful and the distaste they had for each other was obvious. have you ever had an experience that was not in keeping with the sexual orientation you currently identify with?   no. did you go to preschool?   yeah. do you know your blood type?   a-, i'm pretty sure. could you be a teacher?   nope.  no way in hell could i handle like 20-30 kids. quick! chinese or mexican food?   chinese, but i don't like much of either. how many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life?   only one was truly "significant," but i'm been in a relationship with three others. do you hate your ex?   no, i don't. have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?   yeah. what’s your fast food restaurant of choice?   bojangle's.  ya'll outside nc don't know what you're missing, lol. what did you and your ex fight about most?   the fact he was 110% logic and had no consideration to his emotions. are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your itunes?   ... it's why i don't let anyone else use it lmao do you like to swim?   it's the one exercise i enjoy, really. have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend?   no.  really wanted jason to come with us to the beach one year when we had a dance competition, but he couldn't take off work that many days. how slowly or quickly would you say you eat?   i'm a very fast eater.  i mean i'm not messy, i just eat quickly. what outfit makes you feel the most attractive?   ... none? when you think about marriage, what thoughts come up?   not much, honestly.  kinda hard to think of much when you don't have a belief on whom you're gonna marry. other than yourself, who knows you the best?   it's still probably jason, honestly. do you know anyone who has autism/asperger’s syndrome?   i do know someone with asperger's has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you?   kinda indirectly. are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not?   no, because i'm heterosexual. do you think boys look good in skinny jeans?   sure. do you think it’s okay for boys to dress like girls and vice versa?   sure. what went wrong in your previous relationship?   he didn't believe in me. if you’re in one, is anything wrong with it now?   no. how would you react to being cheated on?   nothing in regards to being hurt surprises me anymore. is drinking and smoking a dating deal-breaker for you?   i absolutely will not date someone who smokes, and if you drink more than seldomly, i'm not putting up with you, either.