#IVE HAD THIS IN MY CAMERA ROLL FOR TWO YEARS.

[righteousenjoymentofthunder]

just. dropping this here

[crystalpallette]

happy (late) sig day!

I was in the mood to draw some formalwear, or as close to formalwear as the puyo style gets lmao, and of course sig has got to have some sort of bug motif. so butterfly wings it is! the day may be eight minutes over but in my heart every day is sig day. god bless

[luvhughes43]

celebrity crush | luke hughes

[luvhughes43 masterlist🌙]

face claim: 1x grammy winning artist tyla

note: i also found this in my drafts from last year😭 apologies for the grammar mistakes ive grown since writing this i swear

summary: luke has a celebrity crush... who may just like him back

ever since luke saw the videos and pictures of you winning your first grammy he was hooked. you were insanely gorgeous, and your singing was just out of this world. he couldn't lie and say that he hadn't watched your water music video on repeat, he was drawn to you in a way he had never been with anyone before.

his whole family knew about his poorly-hidden crush. every time one of your songs would come on the radio jack would smirk and say some stupid comment, and quinn would send luke links to your instagram posts with comments like "your gf just posted!". his parents were kind about it, but they weren't immune to the "she's gorgeous! you should message her!" comments.

if he could he would, he just knew that there was no way you would ever go for him. you were just too damn good.

ynuser

liked by lhughes_06, victoriamonet, and 167 438 others

ynuser some exciting things are coming soon<3

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victoriamonet stunning🤎

user01 why'd luke hughes like this? 😭

user02 because shes hot af and hes a man ?

user03 luke liking this? ohhh i got his tea

user04 love u sm yn!!! youre so insanely talented

now you couldn't lie, after seeing all the comments about luke hughes left on your insta post, you googled him! the first search that popped up was a questions video posted by his nhl team.

"who's your celebrity crush?" the girl behind the camera asks. there were a bunch of different answers, margot robbie, megan fox, jenna ortega... but then the curly hair boy walked into frame.

"who's your celebrity crush?" the girl repeats, and luke blushes before answering, "okay, i'll answer this one"

"my celebrity crush is for sure y/n," he responds with a grin on his face and somebody who must know him really well playfully rolls their eyes as they stride up beside him.

when your screen goes black you pause and take in what you just saw. you replay the video, this time skipping to lukes part, and assess. he was hot and just your type.

while feeling bold, you search luke on instagram and send him a short message: saw your video. im in nj next week for a show, wanna meet up?

ynuser

liked by jackhughes, lhughes_06, victoriamonet, and 108 935 others

ynuser thank u nyc u were a dream! see u next week nj✨

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user05 STUNNING

user06 prettiest girl in the world

user07 both luke and jack liking this? tf is going on🤨

luke wakes up early for practice, something he always likes to do. jack was always loud in the morning and so by waking up early he had some peace and quietly run though his routine.

luke blindly feels around his night stand for his phone as he did all mornings. he scrolls through his notifications, nothing catching his immediate attention. snapchats from friends, instagram tags, a few text messages... nothing out of the ordinary.

he checks instagram first as he likes to do his daily scroll through his feed. he likes a few posts from various sports accounts, before deciding to look through his dms for fun. there were two types of dms, girls tagging him in their stories, or random brands asking for partnerships.

ynuser sent you a message request

luke blinks before slowly tapping accept on the request.

yn: saw your video. im in nj next week for a show, wanna meet up?

...

"what the fuck??" luke shouts, and a second later jack is barging through his door.

"what! what are you screaming about?" hes on edge, sending quick glances around lukes bedroom to try and find the danger.

"she messaged me!"

jack pauses, slowly bringing his gaze back to his brother. "you screamed because a girl... messaged you?"

"yn dmed me!" he replies, and jack immediately perks up.

"theres no way! show me," jack says enthusiastically as he walks over and stares at lukes phone. "she saw the question video? thats insane luck,"

luke just stares at the dm, completely overwhelmed but also at a loss for words. like, of course he wants to meet yn but how does he respond in a cool way? especially when he was freaking out so much.

"what do i say?"

jack stares again, confused as to how luke has no game. "tell her yes?"

"right, okay," luke nods his head. he doesnt start typing right away, and just looks at him blankly. "i cant text back with u standing right there,"

jack laughs before waving his little brother off. "thanks for waking me up,"

"youre welcome! shut the door," luke jokes distractedly. there is no way this is real life.

ynuser

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ynuser nj you guys are incredible ❤️‍🔥

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user08 luke liking again...

user09 can u blame him? look at her shes so pretty

user10 YOU WERE INSANEEEE ILY

obviously, luke messaged you back and the two of you decided to meet after your first show. you gave him the details of how to meet you backstage, and he had no issues getting through security.

"hey! it's nice to meet you," luke greets you easily. he's a little nervous but he hides it well. there was no way he was going to mess up this introduction.

"hey! i'm y/n," you introduce yourself even though you know luke already knows who you are. "i hope you liked the show!"

"it was - yah it was great," luke responds, and your chest fills with excitement. "i loved it all really, you have such a good voice,"

"thank youuu," youre giggly. gosh he was so cute... his curls look well taken care of, and he's dressed in a clean quarter-zip sweater and a nice pair of jeans. "uh, did you wanna go out to eat or something?" you ask, absolutely starving from your show. you had a break from touring after tonight, so you were free to spend as much time with luke as you wanted.

you were surprised by how quick you got along with luke. you spent most of the night talking over fries and milkshakes, before he took you around the city to show you his favourite spots - most of which were closed at this hour.

"i'm really having fun," you laugh at one of lukes jokes. you can't remember the last time you just wandered around a city and hung out. lately, your life was filled with recording sessions, photoshoots, promotion, and now of course your tour. you wouldnt trade your job for the world but sometimes having your career be your whole life, was a lot.

"i'm having a lot of fun too," luke replies, and the two of you giggle awkwardly as you continue cruising in his car.

when the night reluctantly ends and luke drops you off at your hotel, you insist on exchanging numbers.

ynuser

liked by lhughes_06, _quinnhughes, arianagrande, and 159 025 others

ynuser beach girl

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user11 PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!!

user12 luke liking less than a minute after u posted... hes not even trying to hide his crush!

you and luke stayed in touch, never going more than a few days without texting each other. somehow, both of your busy schedules worked out in your favours and you were surprisingly able to relate to each other on a lot of levels.

you guys hung out whenever you were in the same cities, and when your tour was over and luke was heading into the off-season, you two made plans to hang out during the summer as friends.

lhughes_06

liked by _quinnhughes, jackhughes, dylanduke25, and 98 126 others

lhughes_06 Who knew one little video would lead us here?❤️

tagged: ynuser

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trevorzegras didnt know u had it in you

jackhughes worlds most insane pull

_quinnhughes congrats guys!

dylanduke25 respectfully when can i meet her?

user13 YN AND LUKE????

user14 lukes dating yn??? the girl who sang water... the grammy winning artist... the prettiest girl there is... omfg

user15 OMFG??????

user16 shes jawdroppingly gorgeous omfg

user17 need a bf to take pics of me like this so bad

-

-

-

[swanlakebaby]

— missing you | pjm

prompt: seeing jimin after long distancing.

⸝⸝ pairing: bf!jimin x fem!reader

⸝⸝ warnings: smut, kissing, teasing, whispering, masturbation, sexting, dom jimin, creampie, multiple rounds, semi fluff jimin, eating out, swallowing, etc.

⸝⸝ word count: 2.3k

⸝⸝ note: this is one of my favorites that ive written so far! it was fun to write out and i tried to do something new if you couldn’t tell. i eventually want to start a series soon but im still trying to figure out the storyline for that. i hope u enjoy!

• ps: my requests are still open. (please make sure to state whether you want your request to include smut or not!)

nsfw, 18+, minors dni

-

your phone dings , your screen lighting up. you roll over and lazily grab your phone , perking up once you realize it's another notification from jimin. you sit up in the bed and look at the chat.

★ jimin - i miss you so much...

★ jimin - i keep thinking of all things i'll do to you when i get back.

you smile at the message , laying back down on the bed. you stare at the screen for a while as you think of a response. but before you could answer , another message comes through.

★ jimin - i hate this time of year. we're always working on music , which i love , but it means i have to spend time away from you for a few weeks. don't you hate it too?

☆ you - i miss you too ! i hate how cold the other side of the bed is. when are you coming home? :(

★ jimin - soon , i promise.

you grin , suddenly excited about the idea of seeing jimin. hou sit up on your knees and slowly lift your tank top. you go to the camera app and flip the camera toward you , snapping photos of your breasts. you go back to the chat and send the picture. you watch as jimin types , then stops some time after the picture is sent.

★ jimin - you look amazing. i can't wait to touch you again.

a message comes through shortly after. a picture of jimin slouched back onto his bed , his shirt and pants off. the visual of his abs and boxers made your mouth water.

for the rest of the night , you spent the entire time messaging jimin back and forth about random things. plans you had coming up , small date ideas , etc. the conversation then takes a turn as jimin goes inactive for a while. you continuously message him until coming to the conclusion that he had fallen asleep on accident. after a while , you receive a video clip from jimin. you click to watch it , unsure do what to expect.

in the same slouched position , jimin rubs his hand over his boxers , his bulge now visible. he slowly slides his hands in his boxers and takes out his cock. he was hard , firmly wrapping his hand around himself as he pans the camera up. he smirks , before lowering the angle once again. he begins to pump his cock , whimpering and moaning into the camera as he speeds up and slows down. he mumbles your name into the camera as his body stiffens , white fluids spilling out over his chest. he grunts , aggressively pumping out all of his cum until he’s empty. he let's go of his cock tiredly and shows the cum on his hand and abs.

after watching the video , you only wished he could come home sooner. in response , you lay on your back fully. panning the camera up and down your body. at this point , you only had on panties and a thin tank top. you play with your breasts in the camera for a few moments before flipping it and propping your legs up. you take two fingers and slide them down your panties. you begin recording yourself as you intensely finger yourself , the wet sounds from your vagina getting stickier.

your panties have a dark patch on them as you begin to throb and soak through them. you play with yourself for a while until eventually , your legs begin to get shaky as you throw your head back and moan into an orgasm. your body shakes as you slide your fingers deeper into you. panting , you take your fingers out and show the camera. your fingers were sticky and glossy now. you flipped the camera onto yourself and recorded yourself cleaning them up with your tongue , one of jimin's favorite things he loved seeing you do.

jimin immediately calls you after receiving the video. ''i miss you.'' was all he said. ''then come home. please.'' you whisper into the phone. without saying a word , he hangs up. you giggle , knowing that he hated being teased and now he probably had an attitude. you quickly clean yourself up and decide to finally head to sleep. the orgasm gave you a wave of uncontrollable sleepiness and you wanted nothing more than to go to bed and decided that you’d continue the conversation with jimin tomorrow.

-

you feel the other side of the bed shift as someone slides in next to you. you immediately open your eyes , making sure that it wasn’t some perverted intruder. upon seeing him , you jump into his arms as you yell out his name. “jimin!” he chuckles , pulling you into a warm embrace. he sways you as he buries his face into your neck , giving it small pecks. “i missed you so much! why are you here? how did you even get here? it feels like i just talked to you!” your heart was fluttering as the person you loved and cared about so much was literally right in front of you. he looked into your eyes deeply before speaking. “as soon as i heard the whispering , i booked my ticket and began packing. i decided to leave early.”

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. he left his job early to come surprise you and see you. you didn’t know how to feel. “i love you so much!” you beamed. “show me.” he says , leaning back onto the bed. “you just got here.” you say , pushing at his chest. “i don’t like being teased , you know this. so show me how much you love and missed me.” he bites his lip , looking you up and down. you roll your eyes , not taking him seriously. as you attempt to get off of him , he grabs onto your waist and pulls you onto his lap. “jimin let me go.” you whine , looking out at the morning sky. he chuckles , gripping onto your waist tightly , not budging at all.

you wrap your arms around him , smiling at him. “you’re so annoying.” you mumble. “what was that?” jimin says , smirking. you hide a smile and look down. “why are you being shy?” he whispers. lifting your chin up with his index finger. you giggle nervously , unsure of what to say. “it’s been a while that’s all.”

“then let me take the lead , okay?” he gently pushes you onto your back and pushes his bulge against your thin previously soaked panties from the video. he hums as he recognizes them , pushing himself deeper against you. “i know exactly what i want to do to you.” he says in a whisper. suddenly , he grabs you and lifts you off of the bed , walking you over to the windows of your shared apartment. he stands behind you , kissing your shoulders and rubbing the sides of your body. jimin pauses for a moment , standing extremely close to the right side of your face. “will you let me show you how much i missed you?” he whispers into your ear. chills run through your body as you get excited. you don’t say anything , but you nod , giving him the go ahead. “i need words.” he says in a low voice , playing with the sides of your panties. “show me jimin.” you say.

with that that he slides down your panties , getting on his knees as he brings them all the way down to your ankles. he holds onto your butt cheeks , slowly spreading them apart as he shoves his face into them , licking your vagina in a slow pace. you place your hands onto the windows , arching your back slightly as jimin repeatedly eats at your vagina , leaving small pecks on your folds. you lift your leg a bit and jimin holds it steady. he devours you in a way you’ve never see him before. you wonder how long he’s been waiting to do this. you slowly grind against his face , small moans escaping your lips everytime his tongue grazes your clit. he then stands up and begins taking off his shirt and pants , wasting no time at all. he takes out his cock immediately and rubs himself hard.

he pushes you up against the windows , holding onto your head. he slides inside of you , not allowing you to fully adjust to the length of him. he thrusts in and out of you hungrily , grunting as your butt smacks against his lower waist. “i missed you so much.” he says out of breath , not slowing down the pace. you turns your face to face his , holding onto your neck as you stare deeply into each others eyes. you bite your lips and manage to spit out a “i missed you too.” in between breathless moans. you leave your left hand on the window , taking your right one and holding the side of his face as he pounds you aggressively , not considering the fact that neighbors could probably hear.

after a few moments , jimin stops , pulling out and cumming all over your ass. you turn your head to look as you attempt to catch your breath. he smacks your butt , making it jiggle slightly. he then grabs you and walks you over to the end of the bed. he bends you over the small bed bench. you hold onto the bench , half of your body keeping you steady on the floor , the other half of the bench. jimin holds onto your sides , fucking you. he looks over to the bedroom mirror , running his hands through his hair as he admires the view. the cum on your ass begins dripping down slowly , some of it getting messy and sticking onto jimin.

he looks down and watches his cock slide in and out of you in a fast pace as he fucks you. he grabs onto your shirt and pulls it , using it to keep his pace consistent. “i’m gonna cum again..” jimin mumbles , gripping onto you tightly. the phrase alone makes you throb , your knees buckle as the sensation of orgasming overcomes you. your body twitches as you cum all over jimin’s dick , making a sticky white mess.

small beads of sweat slide down jimin’s chest and abs. he slams into you with one final trust , not pulling out as he fills you up with his cum. you curse under his breath , feeling his cum drip out of you and into the bench. your body felt weak and tired.

jimin slides out of you and steps back. he walks over to the dresser and grabs a few napkins. he begins slowly wiping you clean , making sure to also clean up his cock. you lay there out of breath , your vagina feeling exhausted and sore. jimin teases you , rubbing his fingers along your vagina. you jolt forward , the nerves in your clit extra sensitive now. he chuckles at his , smacking your butt and helping you up off of the bench. he sits down , pulling you on top of him. his cock is still hard. you reach behind you and grab onto it , slowly stroking it. he closes his eyes and throws his head back slightly as his tip feels sensitive. without warning , you lift yourself up and slide his cock into you. he groans , opening his eyes and placing his hands around your waist. “break please.” jimin mumbles , feeling tired.

“it’s my turn.” you say. he hides a smile , leaning back and resting his back against the bed. you put your hands on his shoulders and slowly grind on him. you continue this motion for a while , looking down at jimin as he looks up at you , his eyes half lidded. he can barely muster out a moan as he just lays back and enjoys the feeling of your vagina once again. you prop yourself up on your feet and grip onto jimin’s shoulders , bouncing on his cock like never before. jimin perks up , load moans escaping his mouth. he dirty talks you , teasing you to go faster and harder on his cock.

he suddenly pushes you off , grabbing you and putting you to your knees. you open your mouth , staring up at jimin and begging him to cum for you. he grabs his cock and slaps his tip against your tongue a few times before cum starts to spill out into your mouth. once he finishes , his cock goes limp as he tries to catch his breath. he looks down at you and closes your mouth with your jaw. “swallow it.” he demands. his cum is silky and sweet as it slides down your throat. you do as he says , grabbing onto his cock and cleaning up a bit more. you teasingly begin pumping him again. he swats your hands and laughs , plopping down onto the bed bench.

“if we go again i’ll pass out.” jimin says. “but i missed you.” you kiss his jawline , wanting more. he chuckles and smiles , not taking you serious. “i need to rest before we do anything else.” you give him one final peck on the lips before standing up and grabbing a new pair of panties to wear. when you walk back into the room , jimin lays naked in the bed , drifting off to sleep. “did i put you to sleep?” you tease. he smirks. “i did most of the work. i deserve a break” he extends his arm and reaches out for you. you slide into the bed beside him and rest your head on his chest , listening to his breathing as he slowly falls asleep.

written by swanlakebaby™

[the-offside-rule]

Fernando Alonso (McLaren) - Envious

Requested: yes, tumblr via dm

Prompt: Can I please make a request where Fernando is in McLaren. He just won the championship twice and he is seen to be incredibly cocky. Y/n, a TV interviewer does not like this but she does seem fond of Leiws and he gets maddddd. He decides to change for her and please make the ending cute <3 (ITS GONNA BE A TWO PART)

Warnings: cocky Fernando, jealous Fernando

Envious: part 2

Y/n tightened her grip on the microphone, trying to maintain her composure during the interview with the Fernando Alonso. His cocky demeanor had been evident from the beginning, but it seemed to intensify as the questions progressed. They had met back during Fernando's first season in F1 as she was lucky enough to grab an internship. While he at first seemed lovely and polite, his true colours had come when Y/n returned to the paddock the season after Fenrnado won his first championship. He had completely changed. "Do you think you could win the championship a third time, or do you think you've moved past your prime?" Y/n asked, before moving the microphone towards Fernando for him to answer her question.

Fernando flashed a smirk at his interviewer. "Well, you see, I'm just that good, I don't think my prime has even come yet." Y/n clenched her jaw at the first part of his answer. "Of course I think I can win it this year." Y/n rolled her eyes, masking her irritation as best as she could. "Well you have won it twice in an immensely talented grid, I believe you could." Fernando smirked. "Well it's so lovely you agree with me. It seems fairly rare nowadays." He winked. "Thank you for the interview, Fernando. Good luck." She quickly said, her relief palpable. Fernabdo blew her kiss, annoying her as ever. "That's all the media for you today, Fernando. You can-" Fernando stopped listening to his media manager once he heard the unfamiliar sound of Y/n laughing. His head snapped around quickly, only to see his new teammate smiling and laughing with Y/n. She never smiled when she was interviewing him, what made Lewis so special? Their animated conversation and laughter stoked a pang of jealousy in Fernando.

Later on in the evening, Fernando sat in the McLaren hospitality, eating his dinner when he looked out the window to see Lewis and Y/n walking together once again laughing. Lewis stood at the door whilst Y/n simply spoke to him. Fernando looked around to see if there was a camera just on the off-chance that this was for a TV bit, but not a camera was jn sight. Fernando nudged his personal trainer, gaining his attention. "What's the deal with Y/n and Hamilton?" He asked, an edge to his voice. His trainer looked out before responding. "Ive heard they've been going on dates for a few months now. Seems like she's quite taken with him."

Fernando's jaw tightened. "I think so too." Fernando mumbled. His trainer arched a brow at the spaniard. "What?" Fernando shrugged. "Don't tell me you're jealous." Fernando scoffed. "Of course not. It's just-" He paused and nodded towards Lewis. "Him? I'd say she could do better." He laughed, eating a fork full of food. "Whatever puts your mind at ease, Nando." Fernando looked back over to the pair at the door and watched as they hugged. He slapped his fork down on the table and stood up. "Im going to the garage." Fernando announced, marching towards the door. The doors slid open and the cameras began flashing with the sudden departure of Fernando. Y/n didn't even look at him and that only irked him more. He walked straight into his side of the garage and lay against the back wall, looking out onto the pit-lane.

How was he this jealous of Lewis? He was a rookie. And besides, it wasn't like he actually had feelings for Y/n. She was just a journalist. He thought to himself for a moment and closed his eyes in defeat, cursing under his breath. He did like her. Now what?

[daryascurse]

𝙲𝙰𝚅𝙴𝙰𝚃 𝙴𝙼𝙿𝚃𝙾𝚁

── Part IV: Cui Bono Fuerit

“So you knew I would come?” you panted as he stood firm between your bowed knees. “So you thought I would be – what – stupid?” “Services stopped.” Coriolanus’s breath was ragged as he snapped back to you. His thumb brushed your jawline, tilting your head up to meet his searing gaze. “No, I shouldn’t have said stupid. I knew you’d be reckless.”

chapter pov : 2nd person reader, AFAB reader, feminine pronouns ❀ tags: hate sεx, elevator sεx, biting ❀ word count: ~4.4k ❀ ao3 ❀playlist

I have a very strict adult-only interaction policy. Ageless, blank, and clearly minor-run blogs that interact will be blocked. If you have questions about what that means, please read the byf in my pinned post.

See header "Caveat Emptor" link for table of contents/ chapter 1.

“The Hunger Games?”

You squinted at the painter’s tape plastered firmly over the screen, right below your name and beaming holographic portrait, covering the previous assignment. Hollisee Tympan shot a glance at you over the shoulder of his stiff plaid suit as he pressed the corner of the tape down and stepped back.

“Lucky,” hissed the mouth-breathing Elysia Byron. Her salivating was practically audible.

“I thought I would be starting off in the markets,” you said to no one in particular. “Down at the banks. In the financial district.”

Harrier Bulla was over your other shoulder. “You say you’d rather have the financial markets than the Hunger Games?”

You were still staring at the black ink saying the same three words that blubbered out of his mouth.

“It’s gotten huge the last few years,” Elysia Byron said. “Mr. Tympan, would the Games benefit from perhaps one more page from the station?”

“Or two?”

Mr. Tympan blinked wide, watery eyes at their slimy wheedling. “Mr. Bulla, CapiTV is lucky to have the presence of one page to represent the station. The administration is still wary of the security threats and this is the first year they’re even doing a trial run with outside network involvement. And we don’t get a stipend for it, either. If you had been listening during orientation, you might have heard that.”

“Aren’t you in fashion and style, anyway?” asked Harrier. “What could a style page do at the Games?”

Elysia made a huffing sound. “Actually, style would be very important to cover at the Games.”

“What exactly shall I be covering, anyway?” you asked Mr. Tympan cautiously.

Mr. Tympan shot another look at Harrier and Elysia behind you, all but sticking their tongues out childishly at each other. “Well, you’ll receive a formal memorandum shortly. But we’d like you to focus on backstage operations. We don’t have the equipment – or the manpower – ” which was said loudly to cut off Harrier’s mouth as it opened again “ – to even negotiate a CapiTV presence up front with the Flickerman production. And of course they’ll be doing the main interviews, telling the tribute story. But they’re outsourcing to CapiTV to create something for the slower moments when Lucky needs a break. You won’t be behind the camera, but you’ll be supplying our broadcasters with the inspiration and information to fill that time. And the audience will need some breaks from Lucky, too, while still remaining engaged in the Games.”

“Capitol Television. The Capitol’s vision, to you,” Harrier recited the station’s motto with a toadyish excitement. Elysia rolled her eyes and you prided yourself on the ability to resist the same.

“So it’s just glamorized B-roll,” Elysia said snottily.

Mr. Tympan only blinked at her before turning to walk away.

The other pages began to come up to the screens, and when Harrier and Elysia turned to whisper the new development to them, you began your hasty steps after.

“Mr. Tympan – sorry. One more question.”

“You’ll get the memorandum,” he said, looking down at the papers he thumbed through a binder.

“Well – I mean, I’m flattered,” you said, and caught yourself twisting your hands. “But I wanted to ask why I was the one transferred over. I don’t think I indicated any interest in working for the Games in my page application.”

“You didn’t, and that’s why,” Mr. Tympan said. “I trusted even with your lack of interest you paid more attention than Ms. Byron did to the security briefings in orientation. Even with the last bomb threat being two years ago, the Capitol’s priority is safety and discretion. Each year has to bring improvement in all areas. And you’ve proven yourself… capable of such discretion.”

Given his pause, you weren’t sure if it was something you’ve done in the last two weeks of orientation, or something further back that’d earned you such esteem. You narrowed your eyes and looked quickly away. Mr. Tympan wasn’t familiar from the days of moonlighting that had put you through school. You had secure faith in your memory. But the network had many officers…

“I can keep my mouth shut,” you said, but Mr. Tympan was already walking away again.

-

The Hunger Games.

It was an anxious thrill that sprang through you, and you raised a soothing hand to circle your belly automatically. But the Peacekeeper at the door turned his helmet towards you at the movement, so you slipped the identification badge between your fingers and raised the card instead.

“I’m from CapiTV,” you said.

He snapped it from your hand with a force that rubbed the lanyard cord hot and painful at the back of your neck. You forced yourself to remain stoic as he investigated the photograph, the same beaming face on the hologram taken as your thoughts were full of financial news dreams.

“How exciting for you,” he grunted.

“Very. Yes, exciting,” you breathed.

Elysia Byron, Harrier Bulla, and then a third page, Kit Crocum, all left calls attempting in some way to convince you to swap posts. “You wanted finance,” Kit had wailed, convinced somehow that being assigned the banks and markets meant that you had stolen the Games from him as the rightful owner.

“I just don’t think it’s up to me to trade,” was how you deflected them all.

When the Peacekeeper held the heavy steel door open with an instruction to go to the sixth floor, you walked past a portrait of Coriolanus Snow. You looked down at your badge again. Yes, you had wanted to work on financial news. You had also wanted to live on the moon as a child.

Moreover, a lot had happened in the time between filling out the interests sheet in the spring and this early summer morning.

You turned your head at the elevator, and it was like his stern blue eyes could follow you all the way down the corridor. You felt the stare prickle on your skin as the elevator rose. The doors opened and you were rubbing the back of your arm subconsciously.

An Avox led you down sea-green steps. They must have been made of some newly engineered glass that didn’t shatter under your sensible heels, but the material dazzled and shone across the floor like an old-fashioned soda bottle you remembered from history classes. Each step made the sound of a diamond falling, and as you approached the small crowd at the buffet table, hundreds of shuffling shoes made the sound echo again and again like an opulent hailstorm. A space opened as two women in high-buttoned suits swept away from the table, where rich brown drapery flowed under platters of canape and thick slices of meat.

Your mouth watered and you thought of the stale crackers in the CapiTV break room.

“Good afternoon. Good afternoon.”

The woman’s voice was icy and clear, cleaving through the dim chatter of colleagues. You snuck a glance towards the front of the room. Backs and elbows blocked your view, and so you discreetly slid a few biscuit cups filled with whipped egg and topped with some green and orange somethings onto a napkin.

“Welcome, media representatives, to the first stages of the Fourteenth Hunger Games,” the woman’s voice continued.

You could see her now, a woman whose golden hair spiraled silver at her temples and shone in two shades of metallic. Her nose was strong, and her gaze somehow pinched. She leaned into the tall iron microphone, her full lips caged behind the netting.

“I am sorry that Dr. Gaul couldn’t come for one last farewell,” she said without further introduction. And from looking at the knowing glances between the crowd, they recognized her without requiring one. You looked down at the eggs nestled in the napkin cupped in your palm.

Well, they each had to have worked their first Games at some point.

You popped one in your mouth and tasted onion and paprika sinking between your teeth.

“Unfortunately, she’s taken ill in the days following retirement, but we wish her the best and a speedy recovery. Fortunately, she completed transitioning our new Head Gamemaker fully into the position, and he’s been hard at work preparing our new Games to start come July. Everything is on schedule, and we’ll have a briefing sheet to bring back to your –” and she sniffed, before smiling tightly “ – little television studios. And he’s taken time out of his busy day to greet you himself.”

The thin crowd swelled around you a moment with a flurry of questions, and you saw the tips of ten perfectly manicured claws rise in the air.

“No, there will be no chances for an exclusive interview. Not today,” she said firmly. Not ever. “Everyone, Mr. Coriolanus Snow.”

You clenched your hand into a fist. The egg burst, creamy white and crumbled biscuit crumbs surging between your fingers, leaking through the thin veil of napkin.

“Thank you, Ms. Trinket.”

He melted out of the crowd, and you snapped your neck back wildly, as if you could recreate where he had come from. You blinked. Blinked again. The egg was tacky against the sweat beading in your palm. There was no reason to be surprised. His portrait had just been in the hall, after all. You should have known; you did know, from the moment you saw that strip of painter’s tape. But you’d never let yourself actually think it so plainly.

“Anastasia Trinket,” Coriolanus said into the microphone. His smile was dazzling, an errant curl artfully falling over his forehead as he turned that smile to her. He had his hands raised in applause. His fingernails were square and clean.

Everyone was applauding now, and you used the excuse of the mess in your hands to turn behind the crimson-suited man in front of you to drop it to the table. You grabbed a napkin and wiped between your fingers, nervously glancing between Coriolanus and the other members of the press.

He looked right at you and the corners of his lips curled.

“Thank you for coming.”

You found it in you at last to clap along, and you gave a few measured, off-beat smacks.

“Let me repeat Ms. Trinket and welcome you again. The Hunger Games this year promise to be our best yet, and we hope that the press will help bring this event to the eyes of all of Panem. Now, you’ll have to see most of it live as the rest of us, but we have prepared a confidential media briefing for your stations, so that you may begin necessary preparations and preview for the citizens of the Capitol what they may expect.”

Coriolanus reached inside his black silk jacket, and the press around you began to pull tablets or recording devices from their pockets and bags. You cleared your throat and unclipped the microphone card attached to your blouse.

“We are very excited to announce that this year, we have at last achieved the goal of hosting the Games in a new arena,” he said, beginning to glance up from a sheet of paper and innocently flitting his gaze to you, to someone on one side, back to you. Your hand was frozen on the blinking recording light. “While the Second Arena has served us will these past few years, the Fourteenth Hunger Games shall move to a new and improved location.”

“Excuse me, will they still be held in the Capitol?”

Ms. Trinket yanked the mic stand to her mouth. “There will be a short time for questions after the briefing,” she snapped.

“For security reasons,” Coriolanus said, in a manner smooth and cold, “we will not be revealing where the new arena is located. However, rest assured that for this same reason, this arena was not built in the Capitol. Nor will any other. For now that we know it is possible to design, engineer, build, and fully synchronize an arena with Capitol control within a year, each Hunger Game will be held in an entirely new and different arena.”

There was a snap of grumbling behind you. Coriolanus’ lips turned in a sneer once more, and you ground your heel into the glass floor.

“So, we have no direct media access to the Games? No cameras and reporters at the arena?” you called out before being able to stop yourself.

Ms. Trinket’s vein threatened to burst out of her forehead, and you almost believed Coriolanus’ face went a shade paler. You raised your eyebrows, waiting for a response, and licked your lip.

“The arena cameras have been enhanced and received a software update,” Coriolanus said almost too quickly. It made your heartbeat a little more even. “Every studio will receive the same feed as always. And the tributes will still train here, and speak to Mr. Flickerman here. That access is the same, which has always been the only real opportunity for first-hand reporting.”

You tapped your foot and said nothing more. And you heard nothing more, too, thankful for the recording card pinned to your shirt. The strength you had pulled out of yourself to move your tongue burned through to your brain, and you were slowly beginning to feel it turn to belligerent epiphany.

He did this. He did this because you had done it, two weeks ago. The longer you stayed silent, the more that steely shine returned to his eye with each haughty glance at you. Once more he was on stage and you captive in the audience; but this time, he was the tiger prowling beyond the bars and locked the human in.

You crossed your arms at the waist and pressed into yourself.

Could it be that he had pulled the strings, all the way to the news studio?

Of course he could.

Coriolanus rolled up the paper at last, and Ms. Trinket moved forward to announce that questions were now welcome. You fidgeted.

There was a flash of memory, of fidgeting and tightening your thigh muscles at the ministrations that silver tongue of his worked between your legs. You tensed again. It did not alleviate.

“Actually,” Coriolanus interjected, “I apologize, but Ms. Trinket will answer your questions. I unfortunately have last minute business to attend to, with the reaping at the week's end. We of course will send invitations to your stations to Lucky Flickerman’s commentary conference. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your time.”

He turned to give her another few claps of applause, and the crowd fell in line. Coriolanus smiled politely and moved into the crowd. A few offered their hands to receive a brief shake; a gentleman attempted to give him a hearty clap on the back, which earned a stiff half-smile in response. His eyes slid over you, triumphantly caged in by the swaying bars of applauding hands all around.

“Excuse me,” you said, nearly turning into the woman on your right as you turned to push to the back of the crowd yourself.

But Coriolanus had taken a different stream, and when you made it to where only Avoxes stood silent at the wall, he was at the foot of those shallow sea-glass stairs. You cast a glance back at the rest of the press and took hurried steps.

“Coryo – ”

It felt wrong to call for him, as soft as it was.

He barely craned his neck back as he pushed the elevator button.

“I’m sorry, perhaps you didn’t hear Anastasia earlier. There won’t be any exclusives through this media program.”

“And did you get me assigned to this program?”

The doors opened and warm orange light spilled out.

“We had to approve the names each studio submitted,” Coriolanus said measuredly. “For security. You understand.”

“I don’t.”

You stepped inside the elevator after him, and held a hand against the frame. Coriolanus looked over your shoulder to the gathering below.

“Though we didn’t review for competence,” he murmured. “You’re missing the questions and answers. It would be a shame for your station to be behind the curve so early in the Games.”

You tilted your head at him and tightened your eyes. “As if she’s going to give away any trade secrets.”

“Trade secrets,” Coriolanus sighed with exaggeration, “are certainly not on the table. Glad to see CapiTV sends their brightest. Well, good day. I really do have things to attend to.”

He moved to reach for the button to urge the doors closed, almost physically puffed up and preening with his own ego. Your fingers curled at the elevator doors and then stepped inside.

“Coriolanus, I don’t know – ”

The doors slid closed, and Coriolanus lunged forward.

“No, you don’t,” he said, seething, and one hand slammed past your head to the wall behind you. The other reached up to your blouse, and before your eyes, ripped the microphone cord clean off the card.

“You certainly don’t,” Coriolanus continued, and now, without any other eyes or ears he could not keep the curl of his lip off his shining teeth. His blue stare was wild. “Clearly you don’t if you’re so stupid to approach me like this today. Again.”

“You invited me here,” you spat.

“Please select a floor,” the elevator’s automatic voice sang.

Coriolanus punched something in the panel, flinging your microphone to the floor. The elevator began to rise.

“Going up.”

“Anyone could have looked up. Any one of those journalists or reporters could have looked back at the elevator just now.”

“I’ll leave,” you said. “Just bring it back down to the lobby.”

Coriolanus huffed. “You know I was trying to do something nice? I saw your plans in the graduation program, and I felt sorry for you. Clearly you aren’t making much of what your degree is worth, taking a job at CapiTV, of all places. Their reporter has been drunk on camera the last two Games, but I thought maybe I’d give you a shot to turn things around, for you, and your career. I thought I’d do you a favor. Maybe the Games would give you a chance to hone some of your, shall we say, more academic talents.”

Bullshit. “Bullshit,” you said, turning your chin up in his face. “It’s because you wanted me to feel how you felt at graduation. That’s why you organized this little briefing for everyone, isn’t it?”

“How I felt?”

“I’m sorry, Coriolanus, if I had the luxury of knowing that I’d be hearing your valedictorian speech. I’m sorry that you hadn’t bothered to recognize your own classmate outside of school. But I thought I apologized for anything I might have done that day.”

And I shouldn’t have.

“How could you know what I felt?” Coriolanus snarled. “You have no idea what I had planned for that day. I had everything planned, this whole summer, and one day – very important day – was enough to throw it all off track.”

“And that’s my fault?” You were almost shrieking with laughter at the absurdity. “I didn’t make you come to the club, and I didn’t make you lick my pussy.”

The words were delicious coming out of your mouth. You grinned, wild, practically spitting in the face of this ringmaster even as you remembered seeing that face so beautifully framed between your thighs.

“You wanted to.”

Coriolanus’s mouth crashed on yours at that, with the familiar taste of anger on his tongue. You could have bitten him. But you kissed him back and chased that taste; clawed at him instead, tugging his neat shirt from his pants to allow your fingernails up his bare back where your touch could rake at his skin. He hissed.

The elevator began to slow.

“Doors,” you gasped, and his arm muscle flexed out to hit another button.

“Services stopped.”

Coriolanus almost slammed you into the wall. He had his fists on your skirt, your neat, smart little black pencil skirt, and he was scrunching it high on your hips. His body was hot against yours, and his wiry strength was a bruising grip on your thigh. Your hands were just as busy, frantically unbuckling his belt, trying to find the space to tug down his zipper.

“Coriolanus,” you gasped.

He was half-mad with rage, with something hungrier and full of desire. Your knee fell open as you were propped on the railing, and you lurched back and clutched wildly at the brass for balance. The careful slick of his hair was breaking free from the gel casing, and Coriolanus breathed heavily, a string of saliva snapping between his parted lips.

“There’s – the – cam-”

“No cameras,” he said in one breath. He leaned forward, and his lips ghosted on the shell of your ear, sending spikes across your skin and down your back. “I turned them off this morning.”

You moaned and felt the threatening rush tremble between your legs again. The pressure in your blood beat faster, harder, with excitement turned anew once more at the stimulus.

“So you knew I would come?” you panted as he stood firm between your bowed knees. “So you thought I would be – what – stupid?”

“Services stopped.”

Coriolanus’s breath was ragged as he snapped back to you. His thumb brushed your jawline, tilting your head up to meet his searing gaze. “No, I shouldn’t have said stupid. I knew you’d be reckless.”

The words hit you sharply, as sharply as the edge of his teeth grazing your throat. You would have laughed if it was still the time for incredulity. And then he was in you, your breath hitching as the weight of his body into your stomach pushed you against the elevator wall with each thrust. You saw the cameras in the corner at last, little black caps carefully snapped over the lens.

The world could be watching, if it had the eyes to look.

“How did you do it?”

Any of it.

His thumb smeared down your cheek, pulling your mouth into the space for a lopsided breath as you gasped out the words.

“Does it matter? I’m Head Gamemaster, aren’t I?”

Coriolanus kissed you again. You let your teeth tug at his lips this time, and the groan from his lungs was intoxicating.

He was tense and throbbing in you, and you had to lean into him, had to use him as a plinth of support in this precarious balance. Your blouse was stuck to your back in an awkward rumple of sweat, and your nipples ached untouched under your bra. His hands had come both to your thighs to pin you there on the railing, keep your hips stilled as he moved in you harder, harder still.

Your ankles have locked together against his against his back. You realized it only when the elevator jolted suddenly, and you gasped sharply, a heel sliding off and slapping to the floor.

“Services stopped.”

It was just the shaking of your bodies, but for a moment, you feared that someone had called for the elevator.

“Oh,” you whispered. You were angry at the thought of someone interrupting, and your teeth chattered at the realization. Chattered more at the stillness of Coriolanus in you that was leaving you full, full, stretched so you could barely manage it. Your hips were just heavy lead under his touch.

Coriolanus sucked his breath in, and you had to meet his eyes that for once matched his in wild fervor. You whimpered a surrender.

“Don’t stop…”

He pushed again and he was fucking you as far as he could go at this curled angle. By now, his hands were all of what kept you to the railing. The desire to squirm away at the weight had left you squirming as best you could. Any last strength you had in your body, nor your brain, had melted away.

It was rough and quick. Your cunt was greedy and you choked on the wail as you felt the desperate convulsing of your inner walls. That was it. Coriolanus was coming too, with each spurt hot and somehow making your legs shake even harder at the delicate sense of it. The elevator creaked faintly.

He was in you still when he lifted his face, those loose blonde curls now plastered to his forehead. With a moan from him and a full shudder from you, he pulled his cock away. Cream spattered onto the carpet. He was still holding you to the railing. Your ankles were still hooked at his thighs. You stayed a few seconds more in this silence with your back pressed to the metal wall.

“Services stopped.”

Coriolanus looked down, and stepped back. His mouth was torn up with your lipstick. He wiped the back of his hand against his face as if he could feel it and looked at the remnants. You slid down and shimmied your skirt back in place.

He swiped at his face a few moments more before sighing loudly and tugging his shirt back into his pants. As you reached down for your abandoned heel, he pushed another button on the elevator panel.

“Going down.”

You saw your microphone, the net of the speaker dented under someone’s errant foot. Coriolanus’s foot, most likely. You clenched it in your palm as you straightened again.

“You didn’t do this to help me,” you said slowly. “You wanted me to come to you. To show me what you can control.”

Coriolanus turned away from you, combing his blonde hair back with his fingers. “I don’t need to control you,” he said.

“But you do, don’t you? You want what you paid for. But the transactions are done.”

He scoffed. A lesser-mannered man would have spit on the ground after that sound. “So you want more money.”

“No. No, I mean it. I don’t want your money, I don’t need it. I never had.”

“That’s a lie,” Coriolanus said haughtily. You ground your teeth.

He was, unfortunately right. You had been too wild in your speech to catch it.

“So tell me,” Coriolanus continued, turning back to you, “what’s going to happen now? Will you quit, now that you see which pockets your salary truly comes from?”

His hands came around your head and locked you where you stood. He pressed his forehead to yours. You could taste his breath on the air as his pupils narrowed.

“What’s more important to you, little CapiTV page? Your career, or keeping your hands clean of me?”

Your thighs shook. You stared at his lips. You remembered every touch of them vividly. As if Coriolanus could feel where your eyes burned, he slipped into a low grin. The canines showed.

Part V: TBC

[nats-revival]

𝙚𝙡 𝙦𝙪𝙚 𝙣𝙤 𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨𝙜𝙖, 𝙣𝙤 𝙜𝙖𝙣𝙖 | 𝙚. 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢𝙨

pairing: ex-jailbird!ellie williams x ex-jailbird!afab!reader

tags: angsty, ellie is an asshole, between past and present (indicated with dates), ellie has issues, pet names (baby), description of violence, mild language, drug use, one use of y/n (i had to im SAWREE!!), idk what trope this is, but it’s certainly something, good ending, but i HATE it ugh, lowk wanna make an alt ending, but i might not. 🤷🏽‍♀️

a/n: the word ‘jailbird’ being used in this context is lowk cringey but who cares? ive been on a roll lately!!! (i still have reqs to finish) ellie fic speed run r smth idk. tbf, this is the longest fic ive written in a while. i considered making this like a series or something but i never finish those so.. ig this is like a rlly big fat oneshot??? idk.

p.s: for my pookie @sweetysaccharine who also got a sneak peek hehe. 🤭🤭

𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 | 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟷𝟽𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷

you stand infront of a burning car on a hill in the middle of the desert at nighttime. you and ellie had just stolen $20 thousand worth of diamonds at some high end store in the city where only the most wealthy of people live, and now you were destroying the evidence, burning your costumes and leaving the diamonds out for the coyotes. “ellie, i won’t wanna do this anymore.” she looks at you through the blazing fire with a slightly raised eyebrow. “do.. what?” she asks as she pushes her hands into her pockets. “commit crimes. i want to have a normal life. im tired of this. you’re always making me do crazy shit.” you explain, exaggerating a bit with your hands. “were felons, baby. there is no normal for us. you chose this life. but sure. let’s say hypothetically, you get this ‘normal life’. where will you work? at a grocery store?” “i don’t know.” “exactly. that’s the beauty of it all. we don’t know what comes next. we don’t know if the police will come after us again, do we?” “well.. no—“ “exactly. go out and buy some more fruit.” she begins walking off, leaving the burning car behind. “we don’t need anything else, ive already got what we need.” you say as you begin walking off into the opposite direction. sand crunches underneath your feet as you walk off, hood over your head and the nights cool wind brushing against the bits of exposed skin on your body.

𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗, 𝚃𝚇 | 𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟽 what were the odds of two felons who hate each others guts working together after escaping together? highly unlikely. but it was your reality. let’s start from the beginning, shall we? ellie had gotten.. waaay too many years to even count. she was charged with identity theft, armed assault, two counts of homicide, and possession of illegal firearms. what were you charged with? accessory to a robbery, armed robbery and you’d also had a few DUI’s. was how many years you’d gotten even mattered now? it didn’t. you were free. and freedom smelled great. but sometimes? freedom sucks. ellie was crazy. she was batshit crazy. she was the one who helped you escape prison. she knows a lot of people. like, a scary amount of people. lawyers, drug dealers, private doctors, the whole nine yards. how’d you escape? simple.

“the other girls are gonna start a riot. cause i told em to. you’re gonna sneak into the break room. there’s a window a few inches up from the floor. break the window and—“ she explained, making sure to keep her voice down. you were a bit wary of her little ‘plan’. “wait, won’t that set the alarm off?” you ask with a raised eyebrow. “lemme ask you a question. whats more worth it — freedom or a goddamn alarm?” “.. im guessing you want me to say freedom?” she nods, then patting your shoulder approvingly. “back to what i was saying, after you’ve broken the window, there’s someone waiting for you on the other side. the security cameras should be busted by then. ill follow you.” her confidence in her plans certainly amazed you. “don’t screw this up.” “i won’t.” “good. now.. why don’t you go read a book?” she suggested before walking off. she was strange, like really strange. sometimes ellie tended to say things that didn’t really make any sense. it was also a rumour that ellie had hallucinations. she’d just sit up in the middle of the night and talk to.. nobody, or she’d stare into the mirror talking to seemingly nobody. was that maybe why she’d been so crazy? because she was fighting her own demons? you didn’t know. the riot began. you heard them in the lunch room banging their trays against the metal tables, yelling at the prison guards and attacking some. you run away into the break room. there were metal bars against the windows. “how the hell am i gonna remove this?” you mumble to yourself as you look around. you search under tables like a madwoman, even searching the pockets of the coats suspended from the metal coat rack.

you heard angels sing once you find a toolbox hidden away underneath a bench. you look at the screws. you needed a flat looking screwdriver. you search the toolbox for one that loosely resembles the screws and you hurry to the window with a chair. standing on the chair, you quickly unscrew the screws and you pull the bars from the window. with the metal bars in hand, you smash the window, all the little glass pieces flying everywhere as the prison alarms go off simultaneously. you look back at the door to the break room. ellie would come, she valued her freedom more than anything in this world.

and with all the uncertainty in your body, you followed through. you jumped down into the parking lot while the alarms ring all throughout the prison. there had been someone else on the other side. a woman with curly hair and tan skin, driving some beat up blue honda. she was pretty. “cmon, hurry and get in. we’re gonna floor it as soon as ellie gets here.” she said, relatively calm as if she’d done this before. you hop into the backseat of her car anxiously. your leg shakes and you bite your nails. looking around at the security cameras, you found that they were, in fact not busted. “that goddamn liar!” she exclaimed as you hit your hands against your thighs. “you’re an idiot for trusting her. ellie never holds her word. she said she’d pay me back a year ago. she owes me $14,000 that she still won’t pay back.” the woman says as she looks at you through the mirror above her. you didn’t trust her. nobody did. but she was a good convincing person and an even better liar. while you were sitting in the back of the car, you recalled all the times she’d attempted to kill you. she gave you concussions, she stabbed you with makeshift knives, she got her minions to beat you half to death. what had you done in retaliation? well, you stabbed her, hung her from a bathroom stall with your sheets, wounded her badly and proceeded to shoot air into the major vein until her heart almost exploded out of her chest. the two have you had gone tit for tat for a while. but is it really an appropriate time to reminisce on old memories? not at all.

the sound of her shoes hitting the ground caught your attention. you look over and see her running towards the car, hopping in her front seat and slamming the door shut. “cmon, drive dina! step on it!” she demanded as she hits her hands against the dashboard. the woman, dina, steps on the gas. the gates of the prison had been closing slowly, leaving just enough room for the car to slither out. ellie cheers to herself. why was she cheering? ellie suddenly turns to you. “we have to get out of texas. dina here is gonna take us halfway to.. somewhere. ive already arranged a place for us to stay. if you screw up? ill strangle you with the hem of your shirt.” her tone falters between the lines of something serious and something a little playful. what was this? why were you doing this with her? you’d been royally screwed now if you weren’t before.

𝙰𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗, 𝚃𝚇 | 𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟷𝟽

you drove for hours on end while ellie sat in the front, blabbering about seemingly nothing. she sat in the front, smoking weed and changing the radio station until she settled on some sorta rock station. “ellie, do you realize how much you owe to me?” dina asks seriously as she takes the two of you through some sort of desert. “mm.. how much?” “14k. you owe me big time, ellie.” ellie laughs. she turns to you, whites of her eyes turning a light red colour. “can you believe her? me? owing her 14k? that’s insane.” she sat there laughing to herself. dinas iron clad grip on the steering wheel told you what you needed to know. she was fed up with ellies shit.

dina stops the car abruptly on the side of the sandy road. she turns to ellie with a face full of fury. “yknow, ive offered you enough. i said you can pay in installments. you didn’t pay. i gave you time. you still won’t pay. now im being complicit in your fucking prison break!” dina exclaimed. ellies laughing almost instantly stopped as dina raised her voice. “you don’t seem to understand how this works. i don’t owe anyone anything. the way ive paid you back was giving you a good fuck like you asked.” “ellie, i was as high as a kite when i said that! jesus christ, you really don’t listen do you?” you don’t intervene even though ellie is looking for you to do so. something you learned was to never fight battles that weren’t yours. this was between them.

they argued. a lot. going back and forth while ellie took super long drags of the joint between her fingers. dinas car reeks of the smell of weed. ellie wouldn’t take anything seriously until dina raises her hand to smack the daylights out of her. a ringing sound resonates throughout ellies ears as she looks at dina in shock. “why the fuck would you slap me?” “i.. i don’t know.” dina was shocked and you were equally as shocked. ellie opens the car door and she gets out. “get out the car.” she says to you, opening your door. “what, but we’re in the middle of the—“ “get out the fucking car!” ellie yells. you get out. “thanks for nothing. don’t call me again when your boyfriend can’t make you cum!” ellie yells at dina, flipping her off before grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you off into the sunset. you look back at dina and you see her with a look of shock on her face. as if now she regrets what she’d done.

𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 | 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟷𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷 after that day, dina hadn’t come around anymore. maybe because she was under investigation for helping you and ellie escape prison. you and ellie lived in a rv and it was pretty peaceful. she chilled on trying to kill you for a while. you sat outside in a beach chair, looking at the sunrise with a cup of tea.

she joins you, sitting in the chair right next to yours. she was smoking a cigarette. “i wanna do something with you. before that ‘normal life’ you want.” she said as she looked at you. “one last heist.” she exhales the smoke, the smell of tobacco entering your nose. “a heist? ellie, you know we can’t do that anymore. the police have our photos.. and fingerprints.” “they’ve had our photos and prints since 2017, baby.” those goddamn pet names that rolled off of her tongue made you a little weak in the knees. you hated her but you couldn’t hate her voice. “ellie, this isn’t a good idea. we need to think about this. the last time you tried to pull off a heist, you almost got arrested.” you tried to be the voice of reason in this ‘relationship’ (or lack therefore of.) “i hate doing this, ellie. i want a normal life. i wanna go home.” your voice was sad. “and what happens if you go back home? your parents will be happy to see you, naturally. someone could betray you. your mother, your brother. anyone.” her words hang in the air as she looks at you. she puts her cigarette out in the makeshift ashtray that sat on a small wooden table. “what do i always tell you?” you thought about it for a moment. ellie had lots of weird sayings. so you take a guess. “hate is the worlds strongest motivator?” she nods her head. “and what else?” “the person who doesn’t risk, cannot win? but quick question— what does that have to do with anything?” she gets up and she stands in front of you. she squats down to your eye level.

“you’re either one of two things in life. a fox or a rabbit. the fox will hunt the rabbit and won’t back down till it gets what it wants. the rabbit will run for its life so the fox doesn’t let the fox get it. who would you wanna be in life?” ellie had a strange way of looking at life. maybe when you’ve been locked up for so long, attempted to escape so many times and had some mental issues, your outlook on life changes drastically. her analogies always made you wonder how she’d even been able to look at life this way. when you don’t answer her question, she answers for you. “a fox. you wanna be a fox. right now? you’re being a rabbit. tighten the fuck up.” her hands give your thighs a few slaps as she spoke. they were a bit hard but not hard enough to leave marks. after your little talk, she goes back into the rv.

you’re sat there with a racing mind and a swell of emotions. the once warm tea had gone cold. whatever she’d been planning to do on this heist must’ve boosted her head up enough to the point where she could go around, telling people to tighten the fuck up. you resented her heavily. ellie wasn’t a hard person to hate. well, maybe a better word is loathe. she was a terrible person with no moral compass. she didn’t care about anyone else but herself. and maybe she’d been going through things on her own, but she had multiple options to get help. she lived knowing that she’d survive, and only would be at the top of the food chain. as if.

𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 | 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟷𝟾𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷

ellie still wanted your help. she tried everything to convince you. a share of her earnings. a 60/40 share (you having 60%, leaving the other 40% to her.) but you don’t budge. she needed to think, her brain wasn’t functioning well at finding a different approach. maybe she could just let you go with that ‘normal life’ you’ve always wanted. but this wasn’t something she could just easily do alone. it was much bigger than that. and she also couldn’t threaten you cause then you’d definitely run away. ellie couldn’t remember the last time she’d been kind to someone. she’d been met with a harsh response to anything she’d ever done in life, so she projected her issues onto other people. maybe it wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but she felt like she had nothing to lose.

she approaches you slowly. “we should talk.” she mumbled. “about.. what?” you ask. “the heist.” “ellie, no—“ “just hear me out please.” she takes a breath before she starts talking. “i swear we won’t get caught. and if we do miraculously, ill take the blame. you can say i kidnapped you or something.” “why are you do adamant about doing this? do you even have a reason?” ellie slowly shakes her head. she sits next to you. her hands fall in her lap as she twiddled with her fingers. “yknow, i don’t really know. i just get these urges to do these things that don’t really make sense.” her tone was genuine, but you werent sure. ellie had a tendency to guilt trip you into doing things that you really didn’t wanna do all because you were the only person she had left and nobody else would do this for her. of course you knew what she was going through, albeit you didn’t understand on a personal level as she had because she was living with this everyday.

you saw all her pill bottles — some SSRI’s, something for her hallucinations, and some other stuff with scratched off labels. “ellie, i really hope you’re not trying to guilt trip me into doing this heist with you.” a part of you was fed up with her shit, just like dina had been. but another part of you wanted to be there for her (even though she didn’t open up), and you also like liked her a little. not too much. “of course this isn’t me guilt tripping you. in fact, you don’t even have to worry about it.” she turns to you and she smiles. it felt weird seeing her smile. with all that serotonin she got from the SSRI’s, she didn’t really ever smile. you didn’t put too much thought into it. you just hoped she wouldn’t do anything impulsive.

𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 | 𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝟷𝟿𝚝𝚑, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟷

ellie was up early the next morning. it was six something. she was pacing around outside while she was biting her nails. she was nervous or anxious about something. sometimes you wished you you’d be in ellies brain when she was being like this or being way too brief with her explanations when there was clearly something up with her.

what was she thinking about now? well, you. she was thinking about you. how long you’d put up with her, how long you’d live. stuff like that. there’s only one certainty in life — death. everyone inevitably dies one day even though they may not wanna. ellie planned on dying on her own terms. something else ellie thinks about often was her life before all this. she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her dad. she missed him. she also missed dina. ellie had dated a few people in the past, some girl named cat and dina. they didn’t end up really working out together because of ellies impulsive nature, but they stayed friends until.. the incident when dina slapped ellie.

in her own way, ellie wanted her old life back as did you. she wanted to wake up to the smell of joels coffee and dinas sleeping form in her bed, all that pretty curly hair sprawled over her pillow. but she knew what she was doing when she made this decision. she knew what she was doing when she decided to steal the identity of some rich lawyer so she could withdrawal all their money for herself. she knew what she was doing when she’d went to that very same lawyers office with an unregistered pistol, robbing them and leaving them with practically nothing. this couldn’t have happened coincidentally. she wanted her old brain back. the one that didn’t have violent and impulsive thoughts. the one that didn’t keep replaying her heinous crimes.

“you’re a mess.” ellie looks up. she sees herself wearing her prison uniform. her hair was much longer then (she’d cut most of it off.) “don’t tell me that. you’re a mess too.” she says to herself. “you want this heist so bad, then do it yourself. it’s nothing you can’t handle.” the split image of ellie was pushing her hands into her pockets and looking at the trees around her. “what’s stopping you?” “you know the answer to that question.” “i don’t. tell me ellie, what’s stopping you?” “y/n.”

as she says that, she hears your footfall behind her. she looks back at you and then back to where the other copy of herself had been. the other ellie was gone. you approach her slowly. “who were you talking to?” you ask, offering her a glass of orange juice that you’d made. “nobody. and uh, the heist.. it’s off.” she muttered as she takes a sip of the orange juice, quenching a thirst she didn’t know she had. “oh, well, that’s good.” you nod in approval. “im sorry.” ellie said it loud enough for your ears only. “i fucked up big time. i know i did. im sorry for putting you through this. im so sorry.” ellie almost never apologized for anything. your face flashes with multiple emotions at once, not sure which one you should feel right now. “it’s.. okay. it’s gonna take me some time to forgive you, but id like to try.” ellie turns to you once you finish speaking and she gives you a firm pat on the shoulder before heading towards the rv.

you felt yourself smiling a bit. you always knew she could do it. you just had to wait for her.

[auroraescritora]

Serviço Mandatório (Mandatory Service) [bi-lingual] #Dom!Nico #Sub!Percy #role reversal - Parte II

Post Biligue! Versão em Português na segunda parte!

Privious Chapters (Capítulos anteriores): [I]

Since three people seem to have liked the story, according to the poll, I'm going to continue! However, I don't know if there will be new chapters every week. Anyway, thanks for being there. This is an unfinished story, I've got about 80,000 words finished, so it should give us plenty of entertainment, shouldn't it? I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's going to be a long one.

Part IV

"Nico! I'm glad you could come." Roberta opened the door, smiling,  brightly. "And you even brought our dear Perseus."

"Shouldn't I?" I went inside, escorting Percy with a hand on his waist, and waved to Roberta, closing the door behind me.

"Not for what we're going to talk about today."

"Then--"

"Don't worry." Roberta waved and we walked away from the door, approaching them, while Carla came practically running and held Percy's hand, taking him to a corner of the room.

"Oh, Percy, dear. How are we today?" Carla grabbed Percy's arm, and Percy made a serious face, trying to keep the smile away from his face. He was trying so hard that even I could tell.

"Good."

"I'm happy for you."

Percy waved excitedly and moved closer to Carla, whispering something to her.

"No way!" Carla exclaimed, holding Percy's shoulders.

"Hmmhmm ." He murmured, all proud. "He…"

That's when Carla and Percy walked further into the room, going to the opposite side of the from him, and sat on a sofa against the wall.

"It looks like things are going well."

"Yes, they are."

"And how was the first night?"

"Normal, I think?"

"Do you think so?"

"Yeah. Percy asked me to put the chastity belt on him, then we went to bed and had breakfast."

Roberta put her hand to her face and sighed, she walked to an oak table near the door and sat down in the chair.

"You have a lot to learn, Di Ângelo."

"Learn? And what would that be?"

"I feel sorry for Percy. When he finally finds someone decent…"

"What do you mean by that?"

"How could I say…?" Roberta picked up one of the folders on the table and began to leaf through them, stopping at a specific page. "Do you see here? This is the questionnaire Percy answered when he arrived here two years ago."

"What? Two years?"

"Calm down. We're not a prison. He stays here for a week at a time, sometimes less, depending on whether he finds a suitable Dom. He usually comes back here every three months, but he's not always interested in trying."

"I don't think I understand."

"Things work differently for submissives here. They receive information and photos of available dominants and choose whether they are willing to submit. None of them are forced to come here or to accept a dominant. This is a completely safe and secure environment, and controlled, if they so wish.”

"Controlled?”

"Yes. There are cameras in every house, even in the bathroom. These images are confidential and will only be used in cases of psychological or physical abuse. Didn't you read the documents we sent you last month?”

Well… maybe I chose to ignore the problem until it knocked on my door. Literally.

"Is there anything else I should know?”

"There's a lot you should already know." She said, rolling her eyes. "First, the house rules. We do not tolerate any type of abuse or non-consensuality.”

"Is that all?”

"What did you expect? That there would be a curfew and homework? I'm not your mother and it's your duty to be a responsible citizen. Speaking of which, where's Percy's leash?”

"In… somewhere.”

"Nico! He can't walk without one. As long as he's with you, Percy must wear it.”

"Why?”

"Why? Because the collar identifies that he is a committed submissive. It may not make a difference here, but in the real world, it does. Not everyone is as correct as we are.”

"I never realized that.”

I rolled my eyes and lied. Yes, I lied to her face. I knew exactly what a collar meant, I just didn't like Percy wearing a collar given to him by another dominant.

"…what planet do you live on? That must be why you reached this age without a sub.”

"What do you mean by that?" This time, I stood up, tired of that ridiculous conversation.

"You can deny it all you want. You are a dominant and only a submissive will satisfy you. So why don't you sit down and listen to what I have to say?”

I sat up and turned my face away, holding myself back from saying exactly what I thought about this. I saw Percy looking at me with a scared expression, asking, without having to say a word, if everything was okay. I smiled at him and waved, watching him turn to Carla and continue their conversation.

"Very well. So, tell me what is sooo important.”

"Could you please read Percy's profile? It will tell you a lot more than I ever could.”

Rolling my eyes, I took the folder from her hands, tempted to throw it all away. I gave up and turned the first page, reading it.

Right at the beginning there was a picture of a smiling Percy along with his full name, address, nationality, and profession . It seemed like we lived close to each other, Percy in the upscale part of the neighborhood, while I was still in a student residence. We worked close by, too. I was at a supermarket bagging groceries and Percy was at a national investment firm.

"Are you sure he and I are compatible?”

"Only you can decide that.”

I shrugged and keept on reading, my eyes widening when I saw Percy's resume. It listed all of Percy's achievements in life; from school and professional swimming trophies, to undergraduate and graduate degrees in economics and physical education. I quickly scanned through the titles until I found… Berkeley. Was this serious? Why would someone as talented as Percy need a place like this?

I read more and got to the point that said about the dominators that Percy had already had within the institution. There were seven in total, now eight, if you counted om me and only names, without any other type of information.

"Seven?" I asked, shocked."What's wrong with these people?”

“They weren’t suitable,” Roberta replied for the first time with a neutral expression. “Not all of them were bad, but none of them were right. We care for our submissives like they are family, and if one of them needs help, it won't be long before it comes.”

Was that a threat? Oh, if only she knew that all it would take was a snap of his fingers and it would all be over. But of course I wouldn't do that, I would never give Hades that pleasure.

“Which one was it?” I said instead, without needing to ask directly. Roberta seemed to understand. One of those people had abused Percy, whether it was physically or psychologically, I would never know.

"Confidential." Was all she said.

I sighed and continued my reading, arriving at Percy's preferences.

Wow ! I was a certified dominator and I didn't know what half of it meant. Or rather, I had made a point of forgetting. Some of it I still remembered, and the other part I could only guess at. As for the others, I hoped I would never find out.

"Shibari? 24/7? I don't even know what Abrasion means! And…" I read further down and mumbled: "Ageplay?”

I raised my head and saw Roberta smiling, convinced.

"Don't you think that's an exaggeration?”

"It doesn't depend on me and no one is forcing you to do anything. They are just... possibilities.”

"Ageplay? Is this serious?”

"Do you need me to draw it for you?”

"What would that consist of, exactly?" I said, just to maintain my cover.

"It depends. The basics are to act and be cared for like a baby. Calling Percy a baby would work. Why don't you try it next time?”

"I don't think I can." Or rather, I don't think I want to.

"Like I said, you have a lot to learn." Roberta tapped her fingers on the table, seeming to come to a conclusion.

She opened a drawer under the table and handed me some pages, along with a thick, heavy book.

"I want you to take this, it's the same questionnaire Percy answered. This book will also help you. Don't forget to read the entire document. We made some notes on Percy's profile, he's made a lot of progress since he got here.”

"What was he like before?”

"Vulnerable, almost scared. At least regarding his sexuality." Roberta said as she stood up."I hope this doesn't happen again.”

That's what I expected too.

"Tomorrow we start our sessions.”

Hadn't we already started?

With a nod from Roberta, Carla brought Percy and we both walked out of the office hand in hand. I just hoped I wasn't making a mistake.

***

I spent the rest of the day thinking about what Roberta had said. Not exactly what she had said, but what she had refrained from saying. Okay, apparently, I was irresponsible and didn't deserve to be called a dom, and that was more than clear, I admitted it. The reason for that was quite simple, first of all, I never wanted to be a dominant, much less a submissive. What was the problem in being nothing, in being different? Was it such a bad crime to still want to be just me? Well, that didn't matter, I had made a commitment to Percy and I would see it through to the end.

And speaking of Percy, he had also spent the afternoon busy. From the looks of it, Percy Jackson really was a successful businessman, CEO of his own company, especially if it was the way Percy spoke on the phone and typed on the latest generation notebook, thinner and lighter than a pen. The change was visible, the shy and insecure submissive gave way to someone who sat on the couch with his spine straight, modern framed glasses perfectly fitted on his square face and such a serious and determined expression on his face that I would have thought he was someone else, that is, if Percy wasn't just in his underwear in the middle of the living room.

"Do you want to eat?" I asked, watching Percy close the computer and take off his glasses, stretching out on the couch, practically sitting on my lap.

"No." he denied.

Percy glanced at me from the corner of his eye and placed his computer on the coffee table. Then, turning toward me, he dropped all pretense of stretching. He lay down on the couch and rested his head on my thighs, watching me as he looked up.

"Enjoying the reading?" He said, relaxing against my lap.

I stared at the book in my hands and grimaced. So far I had read three chapters of this book that seemed to have come out of the dark ages, wondering if I had understood anything, all of it very nostalgic, but in a completely horrible way. The good thing was that they seemed to have updated the ideology of everything, now all that was left was to change how the act itself was done. If I really were a newbie all I would have understood was: handcuffs blah bla blah, chains bla blah...

"Not really. Why don't you help me?”

“What do you want to know?” Percy asked, for once not sounding uncertain. In fact, he sounded like a completely normal person, someone I would see walking down the street and never think would be a submissive, or even a dominant; a completely normal person.

"What does being a submissive mean to you?”

"Being a submissive means submitting--”

"I asked what it means to you. What makes you want to be one?”

“No one has ever asked me that before,” Percy muttered softly, closing his eyes.

I felt a sudden urge to touch him, so that's what I did. I put the book aside and stroked his hair slowly, combing it with my fingers and massaging his scalp, while I heard him sigh and smile, all content.

"It means this. With you. Right here.”

"That, what?”

"This moment.”

"You'll have to be more specific.”

"It's feeling that the responsibility of the world is not in my hands. It's having someone who will support me if necessary. It's knowing that the house won't be empty when I get home from work, that my bed won't be cold.”

"Is that all? Couldn't you have it this being a Dom or with a normal person?”

"No, you don’t understand." Percy opened his intense blue-green eyes and stared at me, anxious."When we’re together, I feel safe. It’s my little paradise. I don’t have to make decisions or worry about the consequences, because I know that if I fall, you’ll catch me, you’ll protect me and take care of me. That’s the duty of a submissive, to trust in your Dom and give yourself to him, giving everything I can, everything I have. And in return, receiving it all back in the form of care and attention.”

"Is that it, then?" I wanted to know, still in doubt. I didn't see how all this could be possible. And how did Percy already trust me if it hadn't even been forty-eight hours since we had met? “And the sexual part?”

"I like it too." Percy smiled at me, a beautiful, open smile, all dimples and white teeth, reaching his eyes.

"Yes?" I pressed again, interested in the development.

"At first, I just wanted to get out of my own head for a bit, you know? Be someone different for a few hours. Then…”

"Then?”

"I started to like it, to try new things. That's why my list of preferences is so long. I just want to... feel something different.”

"Even if it hurts?”

"Especially when it hurts." This time, Percy opened his eyes and didn't look away, trying to say something I refused to understand.

"Why? Why would you want that?”

"The problem is not the pain, it's how you face it.”

"I don’t think I understand…”

"We think of pain as a form of punishment, but what if… what if it’s just a way of experiencing sensations… a way of letting tension out? It only hurts you if you let it.”

Well, if I looked at it that way, it didn't seem so bad, although I still wasn't willing to feel pain for such a... pointless reason.

"I still don't understand why you would let someone use you like that.”

"Nico, I'm not being used. That would be true if I didn't give permission. But I'm not.”

"What if someone traped you and did things you didn't want to do, what would happen?”

"That's happened before. It wasn't completely consensual, but I enjoyed it.”

I blinked for a moment, processing what Percy had just said, pausing my movements in Percy's hair.

Did Percy mean he had been raped?

"Don't look at me like that. The guy ended up getting carried away. He apologized and everything. I broke up with him, of course, and since then I decided to seek help here. Things have been working out much better.”

"But… how can you like this?”

"I like it, period." Percy shrugged, turning his face to the side, his face all tense and serious. "If you can't understand…

"No, I can't understand." I finally said when the silence stretched on. "But I accept it. I'm trying to understand what drives a person to follow this kind of life. It's a lifestyle, isn't it?”

"Yes, it's not just about sex. It's about companionship and giving what the other needs. It's about... hierarchy.”

"Hierarchy?" I asked, feeling strange. Those damned words coming back to me, like an echo from the past.

"Yes. Outside of a scene, we are equals, no one is above anyone else. But there is a certain order. Dominants tend to want to maintain order, submissives like to follow them. It's part of the dominant-submissive dynamic.”

"Dynamic?" I hated that word too.

"It's more of an instinct. It's how we act.”

"And what would that be like?”

"Don't you notice? The way you act around me? How you held my face on the first day? How you looked at me and told me you wanted me, like... like you were in charge, and with just one order I belonged to you?”

"I did it, didn't I?”

"Hmmhmm…" Percy murmured, still serious, but in a sly tone of voice. "Don't you realize that you already do these little things… like… like… worrying if I'm hungry, if I'm comfortable, how I feel after a scene?”

"I know…”

"I like it. I really like it. When you touch me I feel… unique, special. I feel like nothing can go wrong.”

"So far nothing has come of it." I finished, agreeing. "But that still doesn't answer my question. What does all this mean to you?”

Percy sighed and looked me straight in the eye, with nothing to hide.

"It means I'll never be alone, have lots of sex, and be able to feel everything I want to feel without having to feel guilty. Because when I hurt myself alone, it's not healthy and it's all my fault, but when others hurt me…”

"It's never your fault.”

Percy nodded again. “I… I’ve always had a hard time being alone. I used to be that kind of kid who wanted to please everyone, I wanted everyone to be my friend. I’ve done things that most people wouldn’t do, all just to get someone’s approval, and I’ve never felt bad about it. It’s who I am and who I’ve always been. The difference is that I’m tired of feeling bad for wanting something that others consider wrong.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” I asked, beginning to understand. “You’re looking for someone who will hurt you, but also help you … heal?”

"I guess we could say that. Although I want much more than that.”

"You want, like what?”

"To kneel at your feet and fulfill your most hidden desires. No matter what they are.”

Hearing this, I smiled and went back to stroking Percy's hair, hearing him almost purr.

"Maybe you regret saying that. There is no one more boring than me.”

"That's what everyone says.”

After that, I couldn't contain myself. I grabbed Percy's hair and pulled it until his mouth was on mine, panting and open, tangling our tongues until all this business of domination and subjugation disappeared from our minds.

Part V

"Maybe you regret saying that. There is no one more boring than me.”

"That's what everyone says.”

After that, I couldn't contain myself. I grabbed Percy's hair and pulled it until his mouth was on mine, panting and open, tangling our tongues until all this business of domination and subjugation disappeared from our minds. I felt Percy holding my neck and I pulled away to see his face bathed in the late afternoon light, all anxious, his eyes escaping from mine.

Hmmm … was this the sexy part? I smiled, amused by my own joke. But when I saw Percy starting to get impatient and frustrated, I turned serious again.

"Are you sure about that? It's not too late to seek a more experienced Dom.”

"No, I want… I want you.”

I took a deep breath and focused on what Percy meant by that. I was starting to think he wasn't saying these things because it was what I wanted to hear, but because he felt it was what I needed to hear; and maybe it was, maybe it was exactly what I needed to know so that everything that had happened before could be in the past. Or at least so that I could try one more time.

"Okay, I'll be your Dom. On one condition.”

"Yeah?" Percy raised his head and stared at me for a moment, looking like the same shy sub I had met the day before.

"You have to tell me if I do something wrong.”

"Have you ever… dominated someone?”

"Not exactly." When I saw that Percy seemed interested, I continued. "There was this boy in high school, we were in the same class.

"Was he a submissive?" Percy asked, all excited.

He got up, sat on the couch facing me, and rested his hands on my knees, forgetting about everything else.

I smiled and continued:

"Yes, raised and educated to be the perfect sub. Everything he did was to please someone or gain favor from whoever mattered. He was small and short and handsome. The perfect sub, honestly.”

"What happened?”

"What always happens when I tell the truth.”

“Oh.” Percy muttered, looking disappointed. I almost felt guilty for lying. I mean, the story was true. It wasn’t the first time I’d said I didn’t know how to dom.

"Yes, at first I even tried, but…”

"But?”

"Well, he found a Dom that wasn't as sensitive as me.”

"So, you're a Dom." He leaned toward me, all pleased.

"What?”

"That's what you said, ‘he found a Dom that wasn't as sensitive as me.’"

Percy had me at that.

"Yes, I think I am.”

"So, what's the problem?”

"There’s no problem." None I want to share, I thought, watching Percy’s face fall.

"I understand.”

"What you understand?”

"You don't trust me. Why would you?”

"Percy, this has nothing to do w--”

"You don't have to lie, Nico. I'm old enough to know when I'm not wanted. I think you --”

"Percy, listen to me." I said calmly, standing up with him. I grabbed him by the shoulder before he could get away from me and pulled him close, now touching the hair on the back of his neck. "I want you. I don't know why, but I do.

"Do you want me?" He bent over and stared at me with wide eyes, asking me in a whisper, like a lost and scared little boy would.

"Yes." I confirmed. "And you're right, I don't trust you. These things take time and if you want to be with me, that's how it's going to be.”

"Whenever you want and whenever you're ready." Percy finished as if it were obvious. I hadn't exactly meant to say it, but now that Percy had said it… it made sense, after all, I was the one in control, wasn't I? That's what dominators do.

"Yes." I confessed. "I want you to take a hot bath and wait for me in bed, okay?”

Percy gave me a wet kiss on the cheek, smiled at me happily and walked through the room, disappearing upstairs that led to the upper floor of the house.

***

Okay, I could do that.

I took a deep breath, walked up the rest of the stairs and entered the room, passing through the half-open door. The blinds were closed and the lights were off, with only the lamp illuminating the suite. I took a few more steps inside, familiarizing myself with the room, trying to convince myself that this was the right place for us. Percy was there, of course he was, lying on the bed, with only the cage covering his body, looking at something on his cell phone and smiling at whatever it was he was reading. His wet hair lay on the pillow and the rest of his body took up most of the mattress, relaxed on his side of the bed.

Come on, I forced myself to move forward again. I could do this, one step at a time. Yes, one more step and I could see the contours of his body clearly. Angular face, broad shoulders, six pack abs and his  tightly locked cock. Everything about Percy screamed comfort, as if he accepted who he was, no less and no more, without any inhibitions when it came to his shape. I took another step forward and he lifted his head, looking at me from under his lashes, smiling. Neither of us moved until I took another deep breath and approached the bed, still not daring to start anything.

Gods! Why was it so hard? When I thought it was all for fun and nothing more than playing house, things were great, but now that I saw that someone's mental and physical health depended on my next steps... all I wanted to do was run away. It wasn't that I was inexperienced, but having all that responsibility... I didn't remember it being so complicated. Maybe I just made a point of forgetting.

Still, without saying anything, I took off my shirt and pants, along with everything else, and lay down next to him, still as a statue. That was what I was supposed to do, right? Lie down next to him? Should I…

"You're thinking too much." Percy said in my ear.

I hadn't even seen him come closer, I just knew that we were very close now, his head close to mine, nose to nose, him lying on his side while I lay on my back, fighting against myself. I just needed to relax.

"What should I do?”

"Whatever you want.”

What do I want? How about doing nothing? Sleep. Yes, sleep was a good idea. But Percy… oh, Percy looked at me in a way that was hard to describe, in a way that made me want to be someone else just to have the courage to move on. Should I? Probably not. But I would do it anyway.

A kiss? It seemed like a good idea.

I leaned over him and pressed our lips together. Slowly. Carefully. Lips against lips, brushing together. That was a good start, right? Then came a gasp, and I found myself nibbling lightly on his bottom lip, opening my mouth, capturing his tongue at that moment and sucking on it like I hadn't done in a long time. I felt hands... hands holding onto my shoulders, just supporting them. Legs... my legs slipping between his, finding something hard and metallic in the middle, reminding me of who I was with.

"Okay?" I asked, just to be sure. His face was blushing softly and his chest was rising as he took a deep breath and I… maybe it wasn't that hard, I already felt ready to give him what he wanted.

I let my gaze fall to the middle of his muscular legs and observed the bulge there. The image still took my breath away, he looked so small and swollen in there… I wanted to bend down and see if Percy would feel as good under my mouth as he did under my hands. But no… not at that moment. I turned my attention back to Percy's face and saw that he was staring at me attentively, with a some fear? Or was it expectation?

“Do you have lube?” I asked, trying to be objective.

"I… I don't need to.”

"Excuse me? "I said without understanding.

Percy looked at me discreetly, but with a soft smile on his lips. He raised his hands that were holding onto the headboard of the bed and touched mine, taking one of them between his legs, towards his entrance.

"You…?”

"I wanted to be prepared.

Then, when I finally let my fingers explore the place better, I saw that Percy… that Percy was already wet, his insides soft and already dilated.

"Is all this for me?”

"Yes, Nico. I want to be a good…”

"Boy? "I finished for him, trying to make a joke. But apparently, it wasn't funny at all.

Percy shifted uncomfortably and closed his eyes tightly, the blush deepening on his face, though he still nodded and tried to hide.

“You’re--” I stammered, swallowing hard. “--you’re a good boy, the best of them.”

I let the words out and realized they were true. In those moments, it was like Percy actually turned into a shy, scared little boy, making me want to protect him and pull away at the same time, afraid of hurting him.

“Is everything okay?" I asked again to make sure my touches were welcome.

Percy nodded, looking at me from behind his long eyelashes and only after that, I started moving again, I sank my fingers a little deeper inside him and added one more until Percy moaned softly, almost afraid to make a noise, a broken sound escaping his lips.

"Here?”

"Again, please.”

That was all it took to insert the fourth one. I pressed them against the walls of Percy's interior and he practically arched off the bed, throwing his head back.

I guess it was now or never.

I held my own cock, only now noticing how much it hurt, and guided myself inside, letting myself relax for the first time since I had arrived in that place.

***

And to think that someone will one day understand the chaos that dances inside me to the sound of my melancholy, I thought as I watched Nico, my Dom, mine alone, trying so hard to be the perfect dominator.

Do you know what that means? A Dom? My Dom? Only mine? One that I didn't have to share with anyone and that pays attention only to me, like no one else did or had the interest to do? Do you know what that was?

I knew I should pay attention to how he tried to please me and how careful he was, as if I would break with the slightest sudden movement. But that, skin on skin and sweat and kisses, all of that took a back seat; I never thought I would say something like that. When would sex take second place? Not in my life, not when the escape from all my problems had always been this. In the end, it felt like I was putting my efforts in the wrong place and maybe on the wrong person too. Just the fact that Nico was there, between my legs, trying to do something he wasn't sure about just to make me happy... it was the best feeling. It wasn't exactly how his hands touched me or how they lifted me a little higher with each touch, it was... it was the purpose behind all of it, all of the effort and care and affection.

"Percy…" I heard his whispered voice and shivered when he brushed his large head against my entrance. It wasn't exactly the biggest thing I'd ever felt, and it wasn't small either, it was just… perfect. He applied a little pressure, holding my waist tightly and pushing himself inside with a broken grunt.

In fact, it had been a long time. Too long if it was the tight fit and the difficulty with which he advanced. I didn't hold back, I held onto the pillows and moaned, arching all over, not caring about anything, probably putting on quite a show.

I don't even know why I liked it so much. I was sure I wouldn't cum until the end of the night, but the feeling of him inside me... was something else... I felt full and complete and warm... so hot and so good... also, it wasn't just about the pleasure, I liked watching Nico and seeing what he would do next.

One thing was certain, Nico wasn't like the other dominants I had met. There was something so natural about him that sometimes it enchanted me, and surprised me too... and Nico didn't even realize it; it was like he was always giving orders or going against other people's will just because he thought it was the right thing to do.

He also lacked that selfish arrogance so characteristic of people who held power, or even the greed that always seemed to be ingrained in other dominators. I couldn't explain it properly, it was an absence of so many things that I thought were part of dominators, that it made my head spin, much more than any sex could. Although... although I couldn't deny it, when Nico touched me like that, I went to heaven and I didn't even need the touch to be sexual, I just needed it to be... real. Like... like now! He held me so tight and went so fast...

"Baby, are you close? I… I can't take it anymore.”

Nico… Nico had called me… baby? My gods. 

I held my breath when Nico… oh! When he grabbed my waist and went that inch deeper. He lifted me up a little and sank inside me in a way that made me close my eyes and moan, just moan, so good and so in that little place that no one bothered to look for, that I arched my spine, feeling my body wanting to reach the climax, always wanting to get there and never being able to, never!

It hurt… oh! It hurt so good… I moaned again and locked my legs around Nico, opening my eyes to see the magical moment when Nico just… stopped, pulsing and gasping and grunting, reaching parts inside me that were rarely reached, pulsing and pulsing until I felt even hotter, a funny sensation inside me, making everything more… slippery, my caged member feeling like it wanted to explode out of the metal, making me ache and gasp harder and faster.

Oh, my Dom was cumming! Did I make him cum? Me ? Percy Jackson? Who's been called worthless and worse? I smiled at my Dom and he swayed, almost falling forward, breathing fast, his frantic gaze analyzing me like a radar and touching me everywhere; my waist with his finger marks, my abdomen, my arms, neck and even my face. Then, he said:

"Did I hurt you? Does something hurt? I… I shouldn’t have… what about you?”

I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cackle with happiness, which probably wouldn't sound good. Nothing hurt, it was exactly the opposite, I would be cumming without even being touched if I wasn't wearing the cage, but then I would miss this magnificent moment, watching Nico kiss my hand and then my arm, moving up my shoulder until he reached my mouth, soft and delicate.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise.”

Should I say I didn't need it? That seeing him pleasure himself was all the reward I needed? But... I wanted to see how far he would go, so I nodded and watched him slide out of me, looking around the room as if searching for something.

"Do you have anything around here?”

"Like what?" I asked, curious.

"A vibrator?”

I smiled at him and pointed to the wardrobe.

"On the right side, at the bottom of it.”

"Ah." He said and walked to the wardrobe, opening it and sticking his head inside.

Nico came back with a battery-operated vibrator and lubricant.

Was he really going to do this? The dominants I knew wouldn't even bother to ask if I was okay, let alone… oh! I moaned, genuinely surprised, when he lubed up the toy and, with it already turned on, slowly inserted it inside me. Ohhh … I had forgotten how it felt.

"Is it good?" He asked me, not expecting an answer. "Maybe I'll try it later.”

Him? Experiment it? That's what he meant…? Ah, I moaned again as I felt Nico take the toy a little deeper, reaching my prostate.

"Here?”

I nodded, wanting to cover myself. Why did he have to be so careful… so… so meticulous. The worst part was seeing him looking at me, analyzing my every action. No one had ever paid so much attention before.

Yes, I know. I was repeating myself, but… oh!... This time, even I heard myself squeal, he kept pressing the vibrator right in that spot, putting more force and moving the toy in such a…

"Well?" He finished for me. But I couldn't speak, I could only look at him and pant like a bitch in heat.

I wanted to cum and I wanted him to finish that torture with the same intensity that I wanted him to continue and not stop until it hurt, until I couldn't anymore, until... Ah! I was feeling it... I was! It was that sensation that came from the bottom of my spine and rose slowly, so slowly and that sailed... sailed... I gasped, as if I was short of breath while both, me and him, saw my entire member trapped, contracting inside my metal cage until... until... hmmm, yes! I was ejaculating, never a complete orgasm, a similar and alien sensation at the same time, until the liquid that came out inside me, decreased in intensity and only a few drops remained that dripped, running down the cage and reaching my thighs.

“That was beautiful,” Nico commented, as if observing a work of art. ��So beautiful, baby.”

There I was, I felt the praise go straight to my eternally excited cock and rise to my cheeks as I was once again surrounded by the strong and safe arms of my Dom, still feeling so excited that it hurt, in an eternal torture that I was destined to suffer.

Part VI

"Come on, talk to me." Nico whispered against my lips, licking them slowly and sticking his tongue inside my mouth.

I felt myself shiver and moan, hugging him tightly around the neck and returning the kiss, my breath knocked out of me when his hands ran down my back, touching the place where the vibrator had been moments before.

"So wet and so open. I did some serious damage. Do you want more or do you want me to stop? Hmmm?”

"I… ah!" I gasped as his fingers penetrated me again, fast and deep, curling inside me. It hurt… it hurt so much … but I liked it, I wanted more. However, I felt so weak, like a rag doll, that the only thing I could do was to roll on his fingers, feeling them go a little deeper, reaching where I needed it most.

“Here?” He asked, his lips against my earlobe and his voice low and husky. “Do you want more? Yeah, I think you do.”

That's when I gave up on any words that could form on my lips. He pulled me closer, making me sit on his lap and placed one of his hands between our bodies, while the other made room for the fat head of his member to enter.

I couldn't explain it, he felt bigger than before; wider and longer, brushing against my tight entrance and sliding in with slow back and forth movements until he was completely inside me, finding just the right spot.

“Is this okay?” He said when I said nothing but moan, hunched over him, my nails digging into his back. “Should I stop?”

No, I wished he would never stop. I opened my mouth, trying to say no, that this was one of the best moments of my life. But when only a gasp came out, I decided I had better show him. I tried to lift my hips and move, but I was so limp that all I could do was rock on top of him.

"I think that's a no." He chuckled softly against my neck and held my waist again while grabbing my hair, making me look at him, his dark eyes searching mine for permission. Which was very interesting, almost contradictory if it were because he had all the control. "I need you to touch my neck or ask me to stop if it's too much. Okay?”

I waved. Or so I tried. Honestly, I felt like I was losing track of what was going on around me.

One moment I was on his lap, feeling his cock move inside me, and the next I was lying on my back on the bed. My legs were spread and up on Nico's shoulders as he fucked me so hard that my vision was starting to blur, the world spinning and pleasure shooting back up through my nerves like a smoking rocket.

"Ah, here's my baby." I heard Nico's voice, as breathless as mine, his hands going back to digging into my hair. He stopped inside me for a moment, long enough to kiss me, and then he moved again, fast and hard, spreading my legs a little wider and making me bend over, practically folding me in half.

"N-nico." I murmured uncertainly, trying to understand what was happening, panting and moaning, feeling so free and so safe as I had never felt before.

"What does my baby need?”

I… I didn’t know. I only knew that Nico kept moving inside me without pause and strong, and that I couldn’t take my eyes off him, off his naughty smile and the way he kept fucking me, pulling my head back and digging his fingers into my skin, especially because of the way he never seemed to get tired or lose his rhythm. I didn’t want to, but I started to move, shaking from head to toe. I felt something running up my spine and my fingers curling, I… I contracted all over and Nico sank harder inside me, pressing me against the bed. I couldn’t, I couldn’t anymore. I held him tightly by the neck and screamed, I screamed so hard and so loud that I almost didn’t hear Nico’s grunt or feel those last thrusts that allowed me to relax and finally let the relief surround me, bringing me the most intense orgasm of my life, with or without a cage.

"Shhh … it’s okay. I’m here.”

I hugged Nico tightly and closed my eyes, still shivering, knowing he was cleaning me and trying to comfort me. I just understood that I needed his arms around me and his warmth, not letting him leave me until I couldn't anymore.

"Good boy." I heard Nico say to me, whispering very softly, like a secret that only I deserved to hear.

***

"How do you feel?" Nico asked me.

I did a quick scan and realized I felt pretty good. A little sore and tired, still all open, but very satisfied. I mean, I wouldn't say no if Nico was in the mood for more. Maybe In a few minutes.

"Fine." Was all I said, keeping my face neutral. I didn't want him to know that I had enjoyed it so much, that it was one of the best fucks of my life. I wasn't ready to give him all that power.

Yet.

"So, is that it? Are we going back to this word game? Okay? On a scale of 1 to 10, how satisfied are you?”

"Six." I said, holding back a laugh.

"You liar! I made you cum at least twice. That would be at least a seven, maybe an eight.”

"I don't think so.”

I heard a gasp and looked back. Nico was holding me by the waist, lying close to my back, talking against my neck, his other hand on my abdomen, keeping me close to him, both of us still with our heads sharing the same pillow.

"You hurt me like that.”

That's when he grabbed my hair and tilted my head back, making me moan.

"It's sad, but we'll have to figure this out, hmmm?”

"Nico…”

I moaned in surprise and a little too much excitement. I felt his hands going down and digging into my entrance again. It should have hurt, I should have told him to stop, that normal people didn't get this horny, but my complaints were left behind as he just pushed himself inside me, making me whimper, moving against him to feel him better touching all the right parts.

"Hmmm, baby, so delicious… I don't know what it is about you that makes me want you so much. I can't explain it… hmmm … do you want me to stop?”

I moaned and rubbed against him, gasping for air when his hand touched my trapped member. I didn't understand why this excited me so much. I could feel the heat radiating and seeming to transfer behind my cage and I could feel the way he held me tightly, dominating me with a simple gesture.

"Do you like it when I touch you? You looked so tortured that day… the weird thing is that I wanted to torture you even more and see how long you could take it … but that’s not the right behavior for couples who aren’t officially together, you know? I really wanted to…”

Then, Nico held me tighter and touched my testicles, grabbing them tightly while with his other hand he hugged me by the shoulder and for a moment I felt trapped, truly trapped, but so light that I left all pretense aside. I let him lean on me and press me against the bed, I let him open my legs, lifting them up and I let myself moan against the pillow, feeling Nico fuck me once again fast and hard and with such desire that tears came to my eyes and my mind was lost in sensations until I was moaning for a long time and Nico inserted so deep inside me that not even God could separate us.

***

"Now seriously, we need to get up.”

"Ni-cooooo!”

"Come on, baby. Come take a bath.”

"Why? I don't want to.”

"Percy.”

O-ow… I had never heard that tone of voice coming from him, but I knew it wasn't good. I opened my eyes and found Nico sitting on the bed, naked and with his hair messy in every direction. His black eyes stared at me with irritation and hunger and impatience.

"If you don't get out of bed, you'll regret it.”

"Yeah, what are you going to do to me? Beat me up? Will Daddy be mad?”

"If you want, we can come to an agreement. I bet that's what you want, to make me lose control and give you what you deserve.”

"What do I deserve?”

Nico smiled at me and held out his hands, waiting for me.

"If you don't get up in five seconds, you'll find out.”

Okay. I nodded. Was I ready for this? Probably not. It seemed too early for the punishments to begin.

Groaning, I moved slowly and crawled out of bed, Nico holding me as my legs nearly gave out.

"Did I mess you up, hmm? It's your fault, if you weren't so beautiful and smelled so well, and was so delicious..." Nico whispered against my ear and made my legs tremble even more.

"Am I beautiful?”

It was the first time anyone had said that to me. I had been called handsome, hot, tight, very tall, and even a slut, but beautiful… it was something new.

"Don't you look in the mirror? You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen.”

"Then you must not know many people. And there is a difference between handsome and beautiful.”

"Yes, you are both and much more. Now, to the bathroom.”

Slowly, I let Nico lead me to the bathroom, finding the bathtub already filled with water and rose salts. I couldn't even remember the last time I had used it.

"Are you going to give me a bath?" I asked, amused. "Are you going to use talcum powder afterwards?”

"If you want, I can. Nothing better than a good treatment after a scene.”

"You know, you fooled me… for someone who said it wasn’t a Dom…”

"Maybe… I may have lied. But if you’re complaining, I must have gone too easy on you. How about a change of tactics? I can do that. Maybe that’s how you’ll behave.”

Nico smiled at me and I paused for a moment, considering what he was saying. Nico seemed serious, but he didn't seem all that committed to following through on his words. Was he... flirting with me? Oh... funny. Maybe I wanted him to be more serious, but I wasn't the one to tell him that. If Nico didn't understand that, Nico didn't deserve to know.

With that in mind, I took a step forward, grabbed the edge of the tub, and climbed in. Nico, of course, was right behind me. He grabbed my waist and lifted me slightly, helping me sit in it and resting my head on the indicated support.

“Now, hmmm … shampoo? Shampoo.”

I relaxed against the seat, almost closing my eyes, and watched Nico, trying not to laugh at his face. It was a funny thing to witness, something you didn't see every day. Nico walked around, he opened cabinets, closed doors and compartments, and gathered the things he thought were necessary. When he came back to me, I couldn't help it; for some reason, I found it so funny that my body shook and I was out of breath from laughing so hard.

"Baby, breathe." Nico told me, holding my neck and I obeyed.

I opened my eyes wide and took a deep breath, letting the air out immediately, unable to stop the laughter that insisted on escaping me.

"Very good. Good boy." He told me and smiled, massaging my hair. He kissed my lips in one of the sweetest touches I had ever received and showed me the shampoo, still holding my head. "Now, slow down. You're in sub-drop .

"It's more like sub-high." I murmured, because I was in ecstasy, truly floating on clouds, so amazed that the world seemed to be more colorful.

"Then stay with me. Don't go too far.”

"Yes, Dom.”

I resisted the temptation to close my eyes once more and saw the exact moment when Nico stopped moving and looked at me seriously, sincerely seriously, for the first time since we had met. I knew he wanted to say something, and that it was probably something important, but I didn't think I was ready, neither of us were. So I closed my eyes, forced myself to take a deep breath and relaxed, knowing that I wasn't in the right place to make such a serious decision. After a few moments, everything seemed to become lighter and less important, shelved for later. I felt Nico's hands touch my hair again, massaging it gently, it being rinsed carefully by the jet of water from the hose that Nico was holding.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” Nico murmured softly, standing behind me outside the bathtub, still massaging my hair. “This thing between us is new, but that doesn’t mean I won’t listen to you. I always will.”

I don't know why it affected me so much, they were just words spoken out of my mouth in an attempt to comfort me. But they affected me. I closed my eyes tightly and held my breath until the urge to cry passed. And it only passed when I felt Nico's hands on my shoulders, massaging me and pulling me closer to him, Nico wrapping me in his embrace and his lips.

"It's okay. I'm here. I'm here.”

I felt the air sucked out of me and I held on to his arms, holding him tight. If he knew that this was exactly the problem… if he knew… I could see a future where he and I had what he offered. A home and company and all the companionship I could ever want in the world. But I knew that wouldn’t last, nothing did. So what if he held me tighter and grabbed my face and kissed me like no one had ever kissed me before? So what if he cared for me like no one had ever cared for me before? None of it mattered, it didn’t matter, because in the end, it wasn’t real. None of it was.

But the fact worth noting was that he kept trying.

He grabbed me by the waist, got behind me and got into the tub with me, hugging me tightly around the middle of my back. He kissed my neck and held me close to him, caressing my skin without any sexual pretense. For some reason, this made me feel better, like I was loved and once again in the safest place in the world.

No one could hurt me there.

***********************************************************************

Como três pessoas parecem ter gostado da histórias, de acordo com a enquete, vou continuar! Porem, não sei se vai ter capítulos novos todas as semanas. De qualquer forma, obrigada pela presença. Essa é uma história que não esta terminada, tenho uns 80 mil palavras prontas, então, deve nos dar bastante intertenimento, não? Espero que vocês gostem desse capítulo. Vai ser bem longo.

Parte IV

— Nico! Que bom que você pode vir. — Roberta abriu a porta, sorrindo radiante. — E ainda trouxe nosso querido Perseu.

— Eu não deveria? — Entrei, guiando Percy pelas costas e acenei para Roberta, fechando a porta atrás de mim.

— Não para o que vamos conversar hoje.

— Então--

— Não se preocupe. — Roberta acenou e nós andamos para longe da porta, nos aproximando delas, enquanto Carla veio praticamente correndo e segurou na mão de Percy, o levando para um canto da sala.

— Oh, Percy, querido. Como estamos hoje? — Carla segurou no braço de Percy, e Percy fez uma cara séria, tentando manter o sorriso longe. Ele fazia tanta força que até eu percebia.

— Bem.

— Estou feliz por você.

Percy acenou todo animado e se aproximou mais de Carla, cochichando algo para ela.

— De jeito nenhum! — Carla exclamou, segurando nos ombros de Percy.

— Hmmhmm. — Ele murmurou, todo orgulhoso. — Ele…

Foi quando Carla e Percy se afastaram mais ao fundo da sala, indo para o lado oposto do cômodo e se sentaram em um sofá encostado à parede. 

— Parece que as coisas estão indo bem.

— Sim, estão.

— E como foi a primeira noite?

— Normal, eu acho?

— Você acha?

— É. Percy pediu pra eu colocar o cinto de castidade, depois a gente foi pra cama e tomamos café da manhã.

Roberta colocou a mão no rosto e suspirou, ela andou até uma mesa de carvalho perto da porta e se sentou na cadeira. 

— Você tem muito a aprender, Di Ângelo.

— Aprender? E o que seria isso?

— Sinto pena do Percy. Quando ele finalmente encontra alguém decente…

— O que você quer dizer com isso?

— Como eu poderia dizer…? — Roberta pegou uma das pastas em cima da mesa e começou a folheá-las, parando em uma página específica. — Você vê aqui? Esse é o questionário que Percy respondeu quando chegou aqui há dois anos.

— O quê? Dois anos?

— Se acalme. Não somos uma prisão. Ele fica aqui uma semana por vez, às vezes menos, depende se ele encontrar um dom adequado. Ele costuma voltar aqui de três em três meses, mas nem sempre se interessa em tentar.

— Acho que não estou entendendo.

— Aqui as coisas funcionam diferente para submissos. Eles recebem as informações e fotos dos dominantes disponíveis e escolhem se estão dispostos a se submeterem. Nenhum deles é obrigado a vir aqui ou aceitar um dominante. Esse é um ambiente completamente seguro e protegido, e controlado, se assim for a vontade deles.

— Controlado?

— Sim. Em todas as casas há câmeras, até no banheiro. Essas imagens são confidenciais e só serão usadas em caso de abuso psicológico ou físico. Será que você não leu os documentos que te enviamos mês passado?

Bem… talvez eu tenha escolhido ignorar o problema até que ele bateu na minha porta. Literalmente.

— Tem mais alguma coisa que eu deva saber?

— Tem muito que você já deveria saber. — Ela disse, revirando os olhos. — Primeiro, as regras da casa. Não admitimos nenhum tipo de abuso ou não-consensualidade.

— É só isso?

— O que você esperava? Que tivesse uma hora de recolher e lição de casa? Eu não sou sua mãe e é seu dever ser um cidadão responsável. Falando nisso, onde está a guia da coleira do Percy?

— Em… algum lugar.

— Nico! Ele não pode andar sem uma. Enquanto ele estiver com você, Percy deve usá-la.

— Por quê?

— Por quê? Porque a coleira identifica que ele é um submisso comprometido. Aqui dentro pode não fazer diferença, mas no mundo real, faz. Nem todos são tão corretos como nós.

— Eu nunca percebi isso. 

Revirei os olhos e menti, menti na cara dela. Eu sabia exatamente o que uma coleira significa, eu só não gostava que Percy usasse uma coleira dada por outro dominador.

— …que planeta você vive? Deve ser por isso que você chegou a essa idade sem um submisso.

— O que você quer dizer com isso? — Dessa vez, me levantei, cansado daquela conversa ridícula.

— Você pode negar o quanto quiser. Você é um dominador e só um submisso irá te satisfazer. Então, porque você não senta e ouve o que eu tenho a dizer?

Eu me sentei e virei a cara, me segurando para não dizer exatamente o que eu pensava sobre isso. Vi que Percy olhava para mim com uma expressão assustada, perguntando, sem precisar dizer uma palavra, se estava tudo bem. Sorri para ele e acenei, o vendo se voltar para Carla e continuar a conversa deles.

— Muito bem. Então, me fale o que é tãooo importante.

— Você poderia fazer o favor de ler o perfil do Percy? Ele vai te dizer muito mais do que eu poderia.

Revirando os olhos, peguei a pasta das mãos dela, tentado a jogar tudo pelos ares. Me dei por vencido e virei a primeira página, a lendo. 

Logo no início havia uma foto de um Percy sorridente junto ao nome completo, endereço, nacionalidade, e profissão. Parecia que morávamos perto um do outro, Percy na parte chique do bairro, enquanto que eu ainda estava em uma república estudantil. Trabalhávamos perto, também. Eu, em um mercado embalando compras e Percy, em uma nacional de investimentos.

— Você tem certeza que eu e ele somos compatíveis?

— Isso só você pode decidir.

Dei de ombros e continuei minha leitura, arregalando os olhos quando vi o currículo de Percy. Ali tinha todas as conquistas que Percy já teve na vida; desde troféus de natação escolares e profissionais, até a graduação e pós em economia e educação física. Passei os olhos rapidamente pelos títulos até que encontrei… Berkeley. Isso era sério? Porque alguém tão gabaritado quanto Percy precisaria de um lugar como esse? 

Continuei a ler e cheguei ao ponto que dizia sobre os dominadores que Percy já tinha tido dentro da instituição. Eram sete no total, agora, oito, se contasse comigo e somente nomes, sem qualquer outro tipo de informação.

— Sete? — Perguntei, chocado. — Qual o problema com essa gente?

— Eles não eram adequados. — Roberta respondeu pela primeira vez com uma expressão neutra. — Nem todos foram ruins, mas nenhum deles foi o certo. Cuidamos de nossos submissos como se fossem da família e se um deles precisa de ajuda, ela não tardará a chegar.

Isso era uma ameaça? Ah, se ela soubesse que bastava apenas um estalo de dedos e tudo estaria acabado. Mas é claro que eu não faria isso, eu nunca daria esse gostinho para Hades.

— Qual deles foi? — Eu disse ao invés, sem precisar perguntar diretamente. Roberta pareceu ter entendido. Uma dessas pessoas tinha abusado de Percy, se foi física ou psicologicamente, eu nunca saberia.

— Confidencial. — Foi tudo o que ela disse.

Suspirei e continuei minha leitura, chegando às preferências de Percy.

Uou! Eu era um dominador certificado e não sabia o que metade daquilo significava. Ou melhor, havia feito questão de esquecer. Uma parte eu ainda lembrava, e a outra parte, eu só podia chutar. Já outras, esperava nunca descobrir.

— Shibari? 24/7? Eu nem sei o que significa Abrasão! E… — Li mais abaixo e murmurei: — Ageplay?

Levantei a cabeça e vi que Roberta sorria, convencida.

— Você não acha que isso é exagero?

— Isso não depende de mim e ninguém está te obrigando a nada. São apenas… possibilidades.

— Ageplay? Isso é sério?

— Você precisa que eu desenhe?

— O que consistiria isso, exatamente? — Eu disse, só para manter meu disfarce.

— Vai depender. O básico é agir e ser cuidado feito um bebê. Chamar Percy de bebê já funcionaria. Porque você não tenta na próxima?

— Eu não acho que eu consiga. — Ou melhor, eu não acho que eu queira.

— Como eu disse, você tem muito a aprender. — Roberta bateu os dedos na mesa, parecendo chegar a uma conclusão. 

Ela abriu uma gaveta de baixo da mesa e me entregou algumas folhas, junto a um livro de capa grossa e bem pesado.

— Quero que você leve isso, é o mesmo questionário que Percy respondeu. Esse livro também te ajudará. Não se esqueça de ler todo o documento. Fizemos algumas anotações no perfil do Percy, ele teve uma grande evolução desde que chegou aqui.

— Como ele era antes?

— Vulnerável, quase assustado. Pelo menos referente a sexualidade dele. — Roberta disse ao se levantar. — Espero que isso não volte a acontecer.

Era o que eu esperava também.

— Amanhã começamos nossas sessões. 

A gente já não tinha começado?

Com um aceno de cabeça de Roberta, Carla trouxe Percy e ambos saímos do escritório de mãos dadas. Eu só esperava que não estivesse cometendo um erro.

***

Passei o resto do dia pensando sobre o que Roberta tinha dito. Não exatamente no que ela tinha falado e, sim, no que ela deixou de dizer. Tudo bem, aparentemente, eu era um irresponsável e não merecia ser chamado de dom, e isso estava mais do que claro, eu assumia. O motivo para isso era bem simples, em primeiro lugar, nunca quis ser um dominador, e muito menos, um submisso. Qual era o problema em não ser nada, em ser diferente? Era um crime tão ruim ainda querer ser apenas eu? Bem, aquilo não importava, eu tinha assumido um compromisso com Percy e levaria isso até o fim.

E falando em Percy, ele também tinha passado a tarde ocupado. Pelo o que parecia, Percy Jackson realmente era um empresário bem-sucedido, CEO da própria empresa, especialmente se fosse pelo modo que Percy falava no telefone e digitava no notebook de última geração, mais fino e leve que uma caneta. A mudança era visível, o submisso tímido e inseguro deu lugar a alguém que se sentava no sofá com a coluna ereta, óculos de armação moderna encaixado perfeitamente em sua face quadrada e uma expressão tão séria e decidida no rosto que eu pensaria que era outra pessoa, isto é, se Percy não estivesse só de cueca no meio da sala de estar.

— Você quer comer? — Perguntei vendo Percy fechar o computador e tirar os óculos, se esticando todo no sofá, praticamente se sentando no meu colo.

— Não. — ele negou. 

Percy olhou de canto de olho para mim e colocou o computador em cima da mesinha de centro. Então, se virando na minha direção, largou toda pretensão de fingir se espreguiçar. Ele se deitou no sofá e colocou a cabeça sobre minhas coxas, me observando ao olhar para cima.

— Gostando da leitura? — Ele completou, relaxado contra meu colo.

Encarei o livro em minhas mãos e fiz uma careta. Até agora tinha lido três capítulos daquele livro que parecia ter saído da idade das trevas, me perguntando se eu tinha entendido alguma coisa, tudo isso muito nostálgico, mas de uma maneira completamente horrível. O lado bom era que eles pareciam ter feito uma atualização na ideologia de tudo, agora só faltava mudar como o ato em si era feito. Se eu realmente fosse um novato tudo o que eu teria entendido seria: algemas bla bla bla, correntes bla bla bla e assim em diante. O que eu ainda não entendia era como um submisso poderia gostar de se submeter a outra pessoa, aceitando ser abusado dessa forma. Nada daquilo fazia sentido e eu não entendia nada.

— Na verdade, não. Porque você não me ajuda?

— O que você quer saber? — Percy perguntou, pela primeira vez não soando incerto. Na verdade, ele soava como uma pessoa completamente normal, alguém que eu veria andando na rua e que nunca pensaria que seria um submisso, ou mesmo um dominador; uma pessoa completamente normal.

— O que significa ser um submisso para você?

— Ser um submisso significa se submete--

— Eu perguntei o que significa para você. O que te faz querer ser um?

— Ninguém nunca me perguntou isso antes. — Percy murmurou baixinho, fechando os olhos. 

Senti uma vontade súbita de tocá-lo, então, foi o que fiz. Coloquei o livro de lado e acariciei seus cabelos devagar, os penteando com os dedos e massageando seu couro cabeludo, enquanto o ouvia suspirar e sorrir, todo contente.

— Significa isso. Com você. Bem aqui.

— Isso, o quê?

— Esse momento.

— Você vai ter que ser mais específico.

— É sentir que a responsabilidade do mundo não está nas minhas mãos. É ter alguém que vai me apoiar se for necessário. É saber que a casa não vai estar vazia quando eu chegar do trabalho, que minha cama não vai estar fria.

— É só isso? Você não poderia ter isso sendo um dom ou com uma pessoa normal?

— Não, você não entende. — Percy abriu seus olhos verdes-azulados intensos e me encarou, ansioso. — Quando estamos juntos me sinto seguro. É meu pequeno paraíso. Não preciso tomar decisões ou me preocupar com as consequências, porque eu sei que se eu cair, você vai me pegar, você vai me proteger e cuidar de mim. Esse é o dever de um submisso, confiar em seu dom e se doar a ele, dando tudo o que eu puder, tudo o que eu tiver. E em troca, receber tudo de volta em forma de cuidado e atenção.

— É isso, então? — Eu quis saber, ainda em dúvida. Eu não via como tudo isso podia ser possível. E como é que Percy já confiava em mim se nem havia passado quarenta e oito horas desde que a gente tinha se conhecido? — E a parte sexual?

— Eu gosto também. — Percy sorriu para mim, um sorriso lindo e aberto, todo cheio de covinhas e dentes brancos, chegando a seus olhos.

— Sim? — Pressionei de novo, interessado no desenvolvimento.

— No começo, eu só queria sair um pouco da minha cabeça, sabe? Ser alguém diferente por algumas horas. Depois…

— Depois?

— Eu comecei a gostar, a experimentar coisas novas. Por isso que minha lista de preferências é tão longa. Eu só quero… sentir algo diferente.

— Mesmo que doa?

— Especialmente quando dói. — Dessa vez, Percy abriu os olhos e não desviou o olhar, tentando dizer algo que eu me negava a entender.

— Porquê? Porque você iria querer isso?

— O problema não é a dor, é como você a encara.

— Acho que não entendi…

— Pensamos na dor como uma forma de punição, mas e se… e se ela for apenas uma forma de experimentar sensações… uma forma de deixar a tensão sair? Aquilo só te machuca se você deixar.

Bem, se eu encarasse as coisas daquela forma, não parecia tão ruim, embora eu ainda não estivesse disposto a sentir dor por um motivo tão… sem propósito.

— Eu ainda não entendo porque você deixaria alguém te usar dessa forma.

— Nico, eu não estou sendo usado. Isso seria verdade se eu não desse permissão. Mas não é.

— E se alguém te prendesse e fizesse coisas que você não quisesse, o que aconteceria?

— Isso já aconteceu. Não foi completamente consensual, mas eu gostei.

Pisquei por um momento, processando o que Percy tinha acabado de dizer, parando com meus movimentos no cabelo de Percy. 

Percy queria dizer que tinha sido est*prado?

— Não me olhe assim. O cara acabou se deixando levar. Ele me pediu desculpas e tudo. Eu terminei com ele, é claro, e desde então decidi procurar ajuda aqui. As coisas têm dado bem mais certo.

— Mas… como você pode gostar disso?

— Eu gosto e ponto. — Percy deu de ombros, virando o rosto para o lado, seu rosto todo tenso e sério. — Se você não pode entender…

— Não, eu não posso entender. — Eu finalmente disse quando o silêncio se estendeu. — Mas eu aceito. Estou tentando entender o que leva uma pessoa a seguir esse tipo de vida. Isso é um estilo de vida, não é?

— Sim, não é só sobre sexo. É sobre companheirismo e dar o que o outro precisa. É sobre… hierarquia.

— Hierarquia? — Perguntei, me sentindo estranho. Aquelas malditas palavras voltando a mim, feito um eco do passado.

— Sim. Fora de uma cena, somos iguais, ninguém está acima de ninguém. Mas tem uma certa ordem. Dominadores tendem a querer manter a ordem, submissos gostam de segui-los. Faz parte da dinâmica dominador-submisso.

— Dinâmica? — Eu odiava essa palavra.

— É mais um instinto. É como agimos.

— E como seria isso?

— Você não percebe? O jeito que você age perto de mim? Como você segurou o meu rosto no primeiro dia? Como você me olhou e disse que me queria, como… como se você mandasse, e só com uma ordem eu pertencesse a você?

— Eu fiz isso, foi?

— Hmmhmm… — Percy murmurou, ainda sério, mas num tom de voz manhoso. — Você não percebe que você já faz essas pequenas coisas… como… como… se preocupar se eu estou com fome, se eu estou confortável, como eu me sinto depois de uma cena?

— Sei…

— Eu gosto. Gosto muito disso. Quando você me toca me sinto… único, especial. Sinto que nada pode dar errado.

— Até agora nada deu. — Completei, concordando. — Mas isso ainda não responde minha pergunta. O que tudo isso significa para você?

Percy suspirou e me encarou de frente, sem nada a esconder.

— Significa que eu nunca vou estar sozinho, ter muito sexo e poder sentir tudo o que eu quero sentir, sem precisar me sentir culpado. Porque, quando eu me machuco sozinho, não é saudável e a culpa é toda minha, mas quando outros me machucam…

— A culpa nunca é sua.

Percy acenou novamente. — Eu… sempre tive dificuldade em ficar sozinho. Costumava ser aquele tipo de criança que queria agradar a todos, eu queria que todos fossem meus amigos. Já cheguei a fazer coisas que muitos não fariam, tudo isso só para ter a aprovação de alguém, nunca me senti mal por isso. É quem eu sou e quem sempre fui. A diferença é que cansei de me sentir mal por querer algo que outros consideram errado.

— Essa é a questão, não é? — Perguntei, começando a entender. — Você procura alguém que vá te machucar, mas que também te ajude a… sarar?

— Acho que poderíamos dizer isso. Embora eu queira muito mais do que isso.

— Você quer, como o quê?

— Ficar de joelhos a seus pés e realizar seus desejos mais escondidos. Não importa qual eles sejam.

Ao ouvir isso sorri e voltei a acariciar os cabelos de Percy, o ouvindo quase ronronar.

— Talvez você se arrependa de dizer isso. Pessoa mais chata do que eu não existe.

— Isso é o que todos dizem.

Depois disso, não pude me conter. Segurei nos cabelos de Percy e os puxei até que sua boca estivesse sobre a minha, arfando e aberta, enlaçando nossas línguas até que toda essa história de dom e sub sumisse de nossas mentes.

Parte V

— Talvez você se arrependa de dizer isso. Pessoa mais chata do que eu não existe.

— Isso é o que todos dizem.

Depois disso, não pude me conter. Segurei nos cabelos de Percy e os puxei até que sua boca estivesse sobre a minha, arfando e aberta, enlaçando nossas línguas até que toda essa história de dom e sub sumisse de nossas mentes. Senti Percy segurando em meu pescoço e me afastei para ver seu rosto banhado pela luz do fim da tarde, todo ansioso, seus olhos fugindo dos meus.

Hmmm… será que era agora que a parte sexy acontecia? Sorri, achando graça da minha própria piada. Mas quando vi que Percy começava a ficar impaciente e frustrado, voltei a ficar sério.

— Você tem certeza disso? Não é tarde para procurar um dom mais experiente.

— Não, eu quero… eu quero você.

Respirei fundo e me concentrei no que Percy queria dizer por trás daquilo. Eu começava a achar que ele não dizia essas coisas porque era o que eu queria ouvir, e sim porque ele sentia ser o que eu precisava escutar; e talvez fosse, talvez fosse exatamente o que eu precisava saber para que tudo o que tinha acontecido antes ficasse no passado. Ou pelo menos para que eu tentasse mais uma vez.

— Tudo bem, serei seu dom. Com uma condição.

— Qual? — Percy levantou a cabeça e me encarou por um momento, parecendo ser aquele mesmo sub tímido que eu havia conhecido. 

— Você tem que me dizer quando eu fizer algo errado.

— Você nunca… dominou alguém?

— Não exatamente. — Quando vi que Percy parecia interessado, continuei. — Tinha esse garoto no ensino médio, a gente estudava na mesma sala.

— Ele era um submisso? — Percy perguntou, todo animado. 

Ele levantou, se sentou no sofá virado de frente para mim, e apoiou suas mãos em meus joelhos, se esquecendo de todo o resto.

Eu sorri e continuei:

— Sim, criado e educado para ser o perfeito sub. Tudo o que ele fazia era para agradar alguém ou ganhar o favor de quem importava. Ele era pequeno e baixinho e bonito. O perfeito sub, sinceramente.

— O que aconteceu?

— O que sempre acontece quando digo a verdade.

— Oh. — Percy murmurou, parecendo decepcionado. Eu quase me sentia culpado por estar mentindo. Quer dizer, a história era verdadeira. Não era a primeira vez que eu dizia não saber dominar.

— Sim, no começo eu até tentei, mas…

— Mas?

— Bem, ele encontrou um dom que não era tão sensível quanto eu.

— Então, você é um dom. — Ele se inclinou em minha direção, todo contente.

— O quê?

— Foi o que você disse “ele encontrou um dom que não era tão sensível quanto eu.”

Percy tinha me pegado nessa.

— Sim, acho que sou.

— Então, qual o problema?

— Não há nenhum problema. — Nenhum que eu queira compartilhar, pensei, vendo o rosto de Percy murchar.

— Entendo.

— Você entende?

— Você não confia em mim. Porque você confiaria?

— Percy, isso não tem nada a v--

— Não precisa mentir, Nico. Sou grande o suficiente para saber quando não me querem. Acho que vo—

— Percy, me escute. — Falei calmamente, me levantando junto com ele. Eu o segurei pelo ombro antes que ele pudesse fugir de mim e o puxei para perto, agora tocando em seus cabelos da nuca. — Eu quero você. Eu não sei porque, mas eu quero.

— Você quer? — Ele se curvou todo e me encarou com olhos bem abertos, me perguntando em um sussurro, como um garotinho perdido e com medo faria.

— Sim. — Confirmei. — E você está certo, não confio em você. Essas coisas levam tempo e se você quiser ficar comigo, é assim que vai ser.

— Quando você quiser e quando você estiver pronto. — Percy completou como se fosse óbvio. Eu não queria dizer isso exatamente, mas agora que Percy tinha dito… fazia sentido, afinal, era eu quem estava no controle, não era? É o que dominadores fazem.

— Sim. — Confessei. — Quero que você tome um banho quente e me espere na cama, sim?

Percy me deu um beijinho molhado no rosto, sorriu para mim todo feliz e caminhou pela sala, desaparecendo pelas escadas que davam para o andar superior da casa.

 ***

Tudo bem, eu podia fazer isso. 

Respirei fundo, subi o resto das escadas e entrei no quarto, passando pela porta entreaberta. As persianas estavam fechadas e as luzes apagadas, somente com o abajur iluminando o quarto. Dei mais alguns passos para dentro, me familiarizando com o cômodo, tentando me convencer de que aquilo era o certo para nós. Percy estava ali, era claro que ele estava, estendido na cama, somente com a gaiola cobrindo seu corpo, vendo algo no celular e sorrindo para o que quer que fosse que ele lia. Seus cabelos molhados repousavam sobre o travesseiro e o resto do corpo ocupava grande parte do colchão, relaxado em seu lado da cama.

Vamos, eu me obriguei novamente a ir em frente. Eu podia fazer isso, um passo de cada vez. Sim, mais um passo e eu já consegui ver os contornos de seu corpo nitidamente. Rosto angular, ombros largos, abdômen de tanquinho e membro bem preso. Tudo em Percy gritava conforto, como se ele aceitasse quem ele é, nem menos e nem mais, sem qualquer inibição quando se tratava de sua forma. Dei mais um passo para a frente e ele levantou a cabeça, me encarando por baixo de seus cílios, sorrindo. Nenhum de nós se moveu até que eu respirei fundo mais uma vez e me aproximei da cama, ainda sem coragem de iniciar nada.

Deuses! Porque era tão difícil? Quando eu achava que tudo era por diversão e que não passava de uma brincadeira de casinha, as coisas estavam ótimas, mas agora que eu via que a saúde mental e física de alguém dependia dos meus próximos passos… tudo o que eu queria era fugir. Não que eu fosse inexperiente, mas ter essa responsabilidade toda… eu não lembrava disso ser tão complicado. Talvez eu tenha feito questão de esquecer.

Ainda assim, sem dizer nada, tirei minha camisa e minhas calças, junto com todo o resto, e me deitei ao lado dele, parado feito uma estátua. Era isso o que eu devia fazer, certo? Me deitar perto dele? Será que eu devia…

— Você está pensando demais. — Percy disse em meu ouvido.

Eu nem tinha visto quando ele tinha se aproximado, apenas sabia que agora estávamos muito perto, sua cabeça perto da minha, nariz contra nariz, ele deitado de lado enquanto eu deitava de barriga para cima, lutando contra mim mesmo. Eu só precisava relaxar.

— O que eu devo fazer?

— O que você quiser.

O que eu quiser? Que tal fazer nada? Dormir. Sim, dormir era uma boa ideia. Mas Percy… ah, Percy me olhava de uma forma que era difícil descrever, de uma maneira que me fazia querer ser outra pessoa só para ter coragem de seguir em frente. Eu deveria? Provavelmente, não. Mas eu faria de qualquer jeito.

Um beijo? Parecia uma boa ideia. 

Me inclinei sobre ele e encostei nossos lábios. Devagar. Cuidadoso. Lábios contra lábios, os roçando juntos. Esse era um bom começo, certo? Depois veio um arfar, me vi mordiscando levemente o lábio inferior dele, abrindo a boca, capturando sua língua nesse momento e chupando como eu não fazia há muito tempo. Senti mãos… mãos que seguravam contra meus ombros, apenas as apoiando. Pernas… minhas pernas se enfiando entre as dele, encontrando algo duro e metálico no meio do caminho, me fazendo lembrar com quem eu estava.

— Tudo bem? — Perguntei, apenas para ter certeza. Seu rosto corava suavemente e seu peito se levantava ao respirar forte e eu… talvez não fosse tão difícil assim, eu já me sentia pronto para dar o que ele queria. 

Deixei que meu olhar caísse para o meio de suas pernas musculosas e observei o volume ali. A imagem ainda tirava meu fôlego, ele parecia tão pequeno e estufado ali dentro… eu queria me abaixar e ver se Percy se sentiria tão bem com minha boca quanto com minhas mãos. Mas não… não naquele momento. Voltei minha atenção para o rosto de Percy e vi que ele me encarava com atenção, com um pouco de temor? Ou era expectativa?

— Você tem lubrificante? — Perguntei, tentando ser objetivo.

— Eu… eu não preciso.

— Me desculpe? — Eu disse sem entender.

Percy me olhou discretamente, mas com um suave sorriso nos lábios. Ele levantou as mãos que se seguravam na cabeceira da cama e tocou nas minhas, levando uma delas para o meio de suas pernas, em direção a sua entrada.

— Você…?

— Eu queria estar preparado.

Então, quando eu finalmente deixei que meus dedos explorassem melhor o local, vi que Percy… que Percy já estava molhado, seu interior macio e já dilatado. 

— Tudo isso é para mim?

— Sim, Nico. Eu quero ser um bom… 

— Garoto? — Terminei por ele, tentando fazer uma piada. Mas, aparentemente, não era nada engraçado.

Percy se remexeu desconfortável e fechou os olhos bem forte, o rubor se intensificando em seu rosto, embora, ainda assim, ele tenha concordado, acenando e tentando se esconder.

— Você é-- — gaguejei, engolindo em seco. — …você é um bom garoto, o melhor deles.

Deixei as palavras saírem e percebi que elas eram verdadeiras. Nesses momentos, era como se Percy realmente se transformasse em um garotinho tímido e assustado, me fazendo querer protegê-lo e me afastar ao mesmo tempo, com medo de machucá-lo. 

— Tudo bem? — Voltei a perguntar para ter certeza de que meus toques eram bem vindos. 

Percy acenou, me encarando por trás de seus longos cílios e só depois disso, voltei a me mover, afundei meus dedos um pouco mais adentro dele e adicionei mais um até que Percy gemeu baixinho, quase com medo de fazer barulho, um ruído entrecortado escapando por seus lábios.

— Aqui? 

— De novo, por favor.

Foi tudo o que precisei para inserir o quarto. Eu os pressionei contra as paredes do interior de Percy e ele praticamente se curvou para fora da cama, jogando a cabeça para trás.

Acho que era agora ou nunca.

Segurei no meu próprio membro, só agora notando como doía e me guiei para dentro, me deixando relaxar pela primeira vez desde que havia chegado àquele lugar.

***

E pensar que alguém algum dia vai entender o caos que dança dentro de mim ao som da minha melancolia, pensei ao observar Nico, meu dom, só meu, tentando tanto ser o dominador perfeito. 

Você sabe o que isso significa? Um dom? Meu dom? Só meu? Um que eu não tinha que dividir com ninguém e que presta atenção só em mim, como nenhum outro fez ou teve o interesse de fazer? Você sabe o que era isso?

Eu sabia que deveria prestar atenção em como ele tentava me dar prazer e a forma que ele era todo cuidadoso, como se eu fosse quebrar com o menor movimento brusco. Mas, isso, pele na pele e suor e beijos, tudo isso ficava em segundo plano; nunca pensei que falaria algo como isso. Quando é que o sexo ficaria em segundo lugar? Não na minha vida, não quando o escape para todos os problemas sempre tinha sido esse. No fim, parecia que eu estava colocando meus esforços no lugar errado e quem sabe, na pessoa errada também. Só o fato de Nico estar ali, entre minhas pernas, tentando fazer algo que ele não tinha certeza só para me fazer feliz… era a melhor das sensações. Não era exatamente como suas mãos me tocavam ou como elas me elevavam um pouquinho mais a cada toque, era… era o propósito por trás de tudo aquilo, do todo o esforço e cuidado e afeto.

— Percy… — Escutei sua voz sussurrada e estremeci quando ele roçou a cabeça grande contra minha entrada. Não era exatamente a maior coisa que eu já tinha sentido e tampouco era pequena, era só… perfeito. Ele fez um pouco de pressão, segurou forte na minha cintura e se empurrou para dentro com um grunhido entrecortado.

De fato, fazia muito tempo. Tempo demais se fosse o encaixe apertado e a dificuldade com que ele avançava. Não me reprimi, me segurei nos travesseiros e gemi, me empinado todo, sem me importar com nada, provavelmente dando um espetáculo e tanto. 

Eu nem sei porque gostava tanto disso. Eu tinha a certeza que não iria gozar até o fim da noite, entretanto a sensação dele dentro de mim… era outra coisa… me sentia preenchido e completo e quente… tão quente e tão gostoso… também, não era apenas sobre o prazer, eu gostava de olhar para Nico e ver o que ele faria em seguida. 

Uma coisa era certa, Nico não era como os outros dominadores que eu havia encontrado. Parecia algo tão natural nele que às vezes me encantava, e me surpreendia também… e Nico nem percebia; era como ele vivia dando ordens ou contrariando a vontade de outras pessoas só porque achava que era o certo a se fazer. 

Também faltava nele aquela arrogância egoísta tão característica de pessoas que detinham o poder, ou até a ganância que sempre pareceu estar impregnada em outros dominadores. Eu não saberia explicar direito, era uma ausência de tantas coisas que eu pensava fazer parte dos dominadores, que fazia minha cabeça girar, muito mais do que qualquer sexo poderia. Embora… embora eu não pudesse negar, quando Nico me tocava assim, eu ia aos céus e nem precisava que o toque fosse sexual, eu só precisava que fosse...  real. Como… como agora! Ele me apertava tão forte e ia tão rápido… 

— Bebê, você está perto? Eu… eu não vou aguentar.

Nico… Nico tinha me chamado de… bebê? Meus deuses. 

Eu prendi o ar quando Nico… ah! Quando ele segurou em minha cintura e foi aquele centímetro mais fundo. Ele me levantou um pouco para cima e se afundou dentro de mim de uma maneira que me fez fechar os olhos e gemer, só gemer, tão gostoso e tão naquele lugarzinho que ninguém se preocupou em procurar, que eu curvei a coluna, sentindo meu corpo querer chegar ao clímax, sempre querendo chegar lá e nunca conseguindo, nunca! 

Doía… ah! Doía tão gostoso… eu gemi novamente e prendi minhas pernas em volta de Nico, abrindo os olhos para ver o momento mágico em que Nico apenas… parou, pulsando e arfando e grunhindo, alcançando partes que raramente eram alcançadas dentro de mim, pulsando e pulsando até eu me sentir mais quente ainda, uma sensação engraçada dentro de mim, fazendo tudo ficar mais… deslizante, meu membro engaiolado parecendo querer explodir para fora do metal, me fazendo doer e arfar mais forte e mais rápido ainda. 

Oh, meu Dom estava gozando! Eu fiz ele gozar? Euzinho? Percy Jackson? Que já fui chamado de imprestável e coisas piores?  Eu sorri para meu Dom e ele bambeou, quase caindo para frente, respirando rápido, seu olhar frenético me analisando feito um radar e me tocando por todos os lados; minha cintura com suas marcas de dedos, meu abdômen, meus braços, pescoço e até rosto. Então, ele disse:

— Eu te machuquei? Algo dói? Eu… eu não devia… e você?

Eu queria rir, eu queria gargalhar de felicidade, o que provavelmente não soaria bem. Nada doía, era exatamente o contrário, eu estaria gozando sem nem ser tocado se não estivesse com a gaiola, mas, então, eu perderia esse momento magnífico, observando Nico beijar minha mão e depois meu braço, subindo por meu ombro até chegar a minha boca, suave e delicado.

— Eu vou te recompensar, prometo.

Será que eu devia dizer que não precisava? Que ver o prazer dele já me dava toda a recompensa que eu precisava? Mas… eu queria ver até onde ele iria, por isso, acenei que sim e vi ele deslizar para fora de mim, olhando pelo quarto como se procurasse algo.

— Você tem alguma coisa por aqui?

— Como o quê? — Perguntei, curioso.

— Um vibrador? 

Abri um sorriso para ele e indiquei o guarda-roupas.

— No lado direito, no fundo dele.

— Ah. — Ele disse e andou até o guarda-roupas, o abrindo e enfiando a cabeça lá dentro. 

Nico voltou com um vibrador à base de pilha e lubrificante.

Ele realmente ia fazer isso? Os dominadores que eu conhecia nem se dariam ao trabalho de perguntar se eu estava bem, quanto mais… ah! Eu gemi, sinceramente surpreso, quando ele lubrificou o brinquedo e já com ele ligado, inseriu devagar dentro de mim. Ohhh… eu tinha me esquecido da sensação.

— É bom? — Ele me perguntou, não esperando uma resposta. — Talvez eu experimente mais tarde.

Ele? Experimentar? Isso que queria dizer…? Ah, eu gemi de novo ao sentir que Nico levava o brinquedo um pouco mais ao fundo, alcançando minha próstata.

— Aqui?

Eu acenei, com vontade de me cobrir. Porque ele tinha que ser tão cuidadoso… tão… tão detalhista. O pior era ver ele me olhando, analisando cada ação minha. Ninguém nunca tinha prestado tanta atenção.

Sim, eu sei. Eu estava me repetindo, mas… ah!... Dessa vez, até eu escutei meu guincho, ele continuava pressionando o vibrador bem naquele lugar, fazendo mais força e movendo o brinquedo de uma forma tão… 

— Bom? — Ele completou por mim. Mas eu não conseguia falar, só conseguia olhar para ele e arfar feito uma cadela no cio.

Eu queria gozar e queria que ele terminasse com aquela tortura na mesma intensidade que eu queria que ele continuasse e não parasse até que doesse, até que eu não conseguisse mais, até que... Ah! Eu estava sentindo… eu estava! Era aquela sensação que vinha da parte de baixo da minha coluna e subia lentamente, tão lentamente e que navegava… navegava… eu arfei, como se estivesse com falta de ar enquanto ambos, eu e ele, vimos meu membro todo preso, se contrair todo dentro da minha gaiola de metal até que… até que… hmmm, sim! Eu estava ejaculando, nunca um orgasmo completo, uma sensação parecida e alienígena ao mesmo tempo, até que o líquido que saia dentro de mim, diminuísse de intensidade e só restassem algumas gotas que pingavam, escorrendo pela gaiola e chegando as minhas coxas.

— Isso foi lindo. — Nico comentou, como se observasse uma obra de arte. — Tão bonito, bebê.

Ali estava, senti o elogio ir direto para meu membro eternamente excitado e subir para minhas bochechas enquanto era novamente rodeado pelos braços fortes e seguros de meu Dom, ainda me sentindo tão excitado que doía, numa tortura eterna que eu estava destinado a sofrer.

Parte VI

— Vamos, fale comigo. — Nico sussurrou contra meus lábios, os lambendo lentamente e enfiando sua língua dentro da minha boca. 

Eu me senti estremecer e gemi, o abraçando apertado pelo pescoço e devolvendo o beijo, meu ar fugindo quando suas mãos desceram pelas minhas costas, tocando no lugar onde o vibrador tinha estado momentos antes. 

— Tão molhado e tão aberto. Eu fiz um belo estrago. Você quer mais ou quer que eu pare? Hmmm?

— Eu… ah! — Arfei quando seus dedos voltaram a me penetrar, rápidos e profundamente, se curvando dentro de mim. Doía… doía tanto… mas eu gostava, eu queria mais. Entretanto, eu me sentia sem forças, feito uma boneca de pano, que a única coisa que eu pude fazer foi rebolar em seus dedos, os sentindo ir um pouco mais fundo, alcançando onde eu mais precisava.

— Aqui? — Ele perguntou, seus lábios contra meu lóbulo e sua voz baixinha e rouca. — Você quer mais? É, eu acho que quer.

Foi quando eu desisti de qualquer palavra que pudesse se formar em meus lábios. Ele me puxou para mais perto, me fazendo sentar em seu colo e colocou uma de suas mãos entre nossos corpos, enquanto a outra dava espaço para a cabeça gorda de seu membro entrar.

Eu não conseguia explicar, ele parecia maior do que antes; mais largo e mais longo, roçando na minha entrada apertada e deslizando para dentro em movimentos lentos de vai e vem até estar completamente dentro de mim, encontrando o ponto certo.

— Tudo bem? — Ele disse quando eu não disse nada além de gemer, curvado sobre ele, minhas unhas fincadas em suas costas. — Devo parar?

Não, eu desejava que ele nunca parasse. Abri a boca, tentando dizer que não, que esse era um dos melhores momentos da minha vida. Mas quando só um arfar saiu, decidi que era melhor mostrar. Tentei levantar meu quadril e me mover, mas eu estava tão mole que só consegui me balançar em cima dele.

— Acho que isso é um não. — Ele riu baixinho contra meu pescoço e voltou a segurar minha cintura enquanto pegava nos meus cabelos, me fazendo encara-lo, seus olhos negros buscando os meus por permissão. O que era muito interessante, quase contraditório se fosse pelo fato dele ter todo o controle. — Eu preciso que você toque no meu pescoço ou me peça para parar se for muito. Tudo bem?

Eu acenei. Ou foi o que eu tentei. Sinceramente, eu me sentia perdendo a noção do que acontecia ao meu redor. 

Em um momento eu estava no colo dele, sentindo seu membro se mover dentro de mim e no outro eu estava deitado de costas na cama. Minhas pernas estavam abertas e para cima, sobre os ombros de Nico enquanto ele me fodia com tanta força que eu começava a ver tudo embaralhado, o mundo girando e o prazer voltando a subir por meus nervos feito um foguete fumegante.

— Ah, aqui está meu bebê. — Ouvi a voz de Nico, tão arfada quanto a minha, suas mãos voltando a se fincar em meus cabelos. Ele parou dentro de mim durante um momento, longo o suficiente para me beijar, e voltou a se mover, rápido e forte, abrindo minhas pernas um pouco mais e fazendo eu me curvar, praticamente me dobrando ao meio.

— N-nico. — Murmurei incerto, tentando entender o que acontecia, arfando e gemendo, me sentindo tão livre e tão seguro como eu nunca tinha me sentido antes.

— O que meu bebê precisa?

Eu… eu não sabia. Eu só sabia que Nico continuava se movendo dentro de mim sem pausa e forte, e que eu não conseguia desviar o olhar dele, do sorriso sacana e do jeito que ele continuava me fudendo, puxando minha cabeça para trás e fincando seus dedos em minha pele, principalmente pelo jeito que ele parecia nunca se cansar ou perder o ritmo. Eu não queria, mas eu comecei a me mexer, tremendo dos pés à cabeça. Sentia algo subindo por minha espinha e meus dedos se curvando, eu… eu me contraí todo e Nico se afundou mais forte dentro de mim, me prensando contra a cama. Eu não conseguia, eu não conseguia mais. Eu o segurei firme pelo pescoço e gritei, gritei tão forte e tão alto que quase não ouvi o grunhido de Nico ou senti aquelas últimas estocadas que me permitiram relaxar e finalmente deixar que o alívio me cercasse, trazendo para mim o orgasmo mais intenso da minha vida, com gaiola ou sem.

— Shhh… tudo bem. Eu estou aqui.

Abracei Nico bem forte e fechei os olhos, ainda estremecendo, sabendo que ele me limpava e tentava me consolar. Eu apenas entendia que precisava de seus braços ao meu redor e seu calor, não o deixando se afastar de mim até quando eu não pudesse mais.

— Bom garoto. — Eu ouvi Nico dizer para mim, sussurrando bem baixinho, como um segredo que somente eu merecesse escutar.

***

— Como você se sente? — Nico perguntou para mim.

Fiz uma análise rápida e percebi que eu me sentia muito bem. Um pouco dolorido e cansado, ainda todo aberto, mas muito satisfeito. Quer dizer, eu não diria não se Nico estivesse no clima para mais. Em alguns minutos.

— Bem. — Foi tudo o que eu disse, mantendo meu rosto neutro. Eu não queria que ele soubesse que eu tinha gostado tanto, que era uma das melhores transas da minha vida. Eu não estava pronto para dar todo esse poder para ele.

 Ainda.

— Então, é assim? Estamos voltando para esse jogo de palavras? Tudo bem? De 1 a 10, qual seu nível de satisfação.

— Seis. — Eu disse prendendo a risada.

— Seu mentiroso! Eu te fiz gozar no mínimo duas vezes. Isso seria no mínimo um sete, talvez um oito.

— Acho que não.

Ouvi um arfar e olhei para trás. Nico me segurava pela cintura, deitado colado às minhas costas, falando contra meu pescoço, sua outra mão no meu abdômen, me mantendo junto a ele, ambos ainda com a cabeça dividindo o mesmo travesseiro.

— Assim você me magoa.

Foi quando ele agarrou meus cabelos e inclinou minha cabeça para trás, me fazendo gemer.

— É triste, mas teremos que dar um jeito nisso, hmmm?

— Nico…

Gemi surpreso e um pouco animado demais. Senti suas mãos indo para baixo e se afundando novamente em minha entrada. Deveria doer, eu deveria dizer para ele parar, que pessoas normais não tinham tanto tesão, mas minhas reclamações ficaram para trás quando ele apenas se empurrou para dentro de mim, me fazendo choramingar, me movendo contra ele para senti-lo melhor tocando todas as partes certas.

— Hmmm, bebê, tão gostoso… eu não sei o que você tem que me faz te querer tanto. Eu não consigo explicar… hmmm… você quer que eu pare?

Eu gemi e me esfreguei nele, perdendo o ar quando sua mão tocou em meu membro preso. Eu não entendia porque isso me excitava tanto. Eu podia sentir o calor irradiando e parecendo se transferir atrás da minha gaiola e podia sentir a forma que ele me segurava forte, me dominando com um gesto simples.

— Você gosta quando eu toco aqui? Você pareceu tão torturado naquele dia… o estranho é que eu queria te torturar mais ainda e ver até onde você aguenta… mas esse não é o comportamento adequado para casais que não estão juntos oficialmente, sabe? Eu realmente queria…

Então, Nico segurou mais forte e tocou em meus testículos, os agarrando com força enquanto que com a outra mão ele me abraçou pelo ombro e por um momento eu me senti preso, verdadeiramente preso, mas tão leve que deixei toda a pretensão de lado. Eu deixei que ele se encostasse sobre mim e me prensasse contra a cama, deixei que ele abrisse minhas pernas, as levantando para cima e me deixei gemer contra o travesseiro, sentindo Nico me foder mais uma vez rápido e forte e com tanta vontade que lágrimas vieram aos meus olhos e minha mente se perdeu em sensações até que eu estava gemendo longamente e Nico inserido tão fundo dentro de mim que nem deus poderia nos separar.

***

— Agora é sério, precisamos levantar.

— Ni-cooooo!

— Vamos, bebê. Venha tomar um banho.

— Porquê? Eu não quero.

— Percy.

O-ou… eu nunca tinha ouvido aquele tom de voz vindo dele, mas sabia que não era nada bom. Abri os olhos e encontrei Nico sentado na cama, pelado e com os cabelos bagunçados para todos os lados. Seus olhos negros me fitando com irritação e fome e impaciência.

— Se você não se levantar dessa cama, vai se arrepender.

— É, o que você vai fazer comigo? Me dar uma surra? Papai vai ficar bravo?

— Se você quiser, a gente pode entrar em um acordo. Aposto que é isso que você quer, me fazer perder o controle e dar o que você merece.

— O que eu mereço?

Nico sorriu para mim e estendeu as mãos, esperando por mim.

— Se você não se levantar em cinco segundos, vai descobrir.

Certo. Acenei. Eu estava pronto para isso? Provavelmente, não. Parecia muito cedo para que as punições começassem.

Gemendo, me movi devagar e engatinhei para fora da cama, Nico me segurou quando minhas pernas quase cederam.

— Fiz um estrago, hmm? É sua culpa, se você não fosse tão lindo e cheiroso e gostoso… — Nico sussurrou contra meu ouvido e fez minhas pernas tremerem mais ainda.

— Eu sou lindo?

Era a primeira vez que alguém dizia isso para mim. Já me chamaram de bonito, gostoso, apertado, muito alto, e até de vadia, mas lindo… era algo novo.

— Você não se olha no espelho? Você é uma das pessoas mais bonitas que eu já vi.

— Então, você não deve conhecer muita gente. E existe uma diferença entre bonito e lindo.

— É, você é os dois e é muito mais. Agora, pro banheiro.

A passos lentos, deixei que Nico me guiasse para o banheiro, encontrando a banheira já cheia de água com sais de rosas. Eu nem podia me lembrar a última vez que a tinha usado.

— Você vai me dar banho? — Perguntei, divertido. — Depois vai passar talquinho?

— Se você quiser, eu posso. Nada melhor que um bom tratamento depois de uma cena.

— Sabe, você me enganou… para quem disse que não era um dom…

— Talvez… eu possa ter mentido. Mas se você está reclamando, eu devo ter pegado muito leve com você. O que você acha de uma mudança de tática? Eu posso fazer isso. Quem sabe assim você se comporta.

Nico sorriu para mim e eu parei um momento, considerando o que ele falava. Nico parecia falar sério, mas não parecia tão empenhado em concretizar suas palavras. Ele estava… flertando comigo? Oh… engraçado. Talvez eu quisesse que ele pegasse mais pesado, entretanto, não seria eu quem diria isso para ele. Se Nico não entendia isso, Nico não merecia saber.

Com isso em mente, dei um passo para frente, me segurei na beirada da banheira e entrei nela. Nico, é claro, estava bem atrás de mim. Ele segurou na minha cintura e me levantou levemente, me ajudando a sentar nela e apoiou minha cabeça no apoio indicado.

— Agora, hmmm… shampoo? Shampoo.

Relaxei contra o assento, quase fechando os olhos, e observei Nico, tentando não rir da cara dele. Era uma coisa engraçada de se presenciar, algo que não se via todo dia. Nico andava de um lado para o outro, ele abria armários, fechava portas e compartimentos, e juntava as coisas que ele julgava serem necessárias. Quando ele voltou para perto de mim, não aguentei; por algum motivo, eu achava aquilo tão engraçado que meu corpo tremia e eu ficava sem ar de tantas gargalhadas.

— Bebê, respire. — Nico me disse, segurando no meu pescoço e eu obedeci.

Abri bem os olhos e dei uma longa inspirada, deixando o ar sair em seguida, sem conseguir evitar as risadas que insistiam em fugir de mim.

— Muito bom. Bom garoto. — Ele me disse e sorriu, massageando meus cabelos. Beijou meus lábios em um dos toques doces que eu já tinha recebido e me mostrou o shampoo, ainda segurando minha cabeça. — Agora, devagar. Você está em sub-drope.

— É mais parecido com sub-high. — Murmurei, porque eu estava em êxtase, verdadeiramente flutuando nas nuvens, tão maravilhado que o mundo parecia estar mais colorido.

— Então, fique comigo. Não vá muito longe.

— Sim, Dom.

Resisti a tentação de fechar os olhos mais uma vez e vi o exato momento em que Nico parou de se mover e me encarou sério, sinceramente sério, pela primeira vez desde que tínhamos nos conhecido. Eu sabia que ele queria dizer alguma coisa, e que provavelmente era algo importante, mas eu não achava que estava preparado, nenhum de nós dois estava. Por isso fechei os olhos, me forcei a respirar fundo e relaxei, sabendo que eu não estava com a cabeça no lugar certo para tomar uma decisão tão séria. Depois de alguns momentos, tudo pareceu ficar mais leve e ter menos importância, engavetado para depois. Senti as mãos de Nico voltarem a tocar nos meus cabelos, os massageando suavemente, eles sendo enxaguados cuidadosamente pelo jato de água da mangueira que Nico segurava.

— Você sabe que pode falar de qualquer coisa comigo, não sabe? — Nico murmurou baixinho, atrás de mim do lado de fora da banheira, ainda massageando meus cabelos. — Essa coisa entre a gente é nova, mas não significa que eu não vá te ouvir. Eu sempre irei.

Não sei porque isso me afetava tanto, eram apenas palavras ditas da boca para fora na tentativa de me consolar. Mas elas me afetavam. Fechei os olhos com força e prendi a respiração até que a vontade de chorar passasse. E ela só passou quando senti as mãos de Nico nos meus ombros, me massageando e me puxando para perto dele, Nico me envolvendo em seu abraço e em seus lábios.

— Está tudo bem. Eu estou aqui. Estou aqui.

Senti o ar ser sugado para longe de mim e me segurei nos braços dele, o segurando bem forte. Se ele soubesse que o problema era exatamente esse… se ele soubesse… eu podia ver um futuro onde eu e ele tínhamos o que ele oferecia. Uma casa, companhia e todo o companheirismo que eu poderia querer no mundo. Mas eu sabia que isso não duraria, nada durava. E daí se ele me segurava ainda mais forte e agarrava no meu rosto e me beijava como ninguém nunca tinha beijado? E daí se ele cuidava de mim do jeito que ninguém tinha cuidado antes? Nada disso importava, não importava, porque, no fim, não era real. Nada daquilo era. 

Mas o fato digno de observar era que ele continuava tentando. 

Ele me segurou pela cintura, se encaixou atrás de mim e entrou comigo na banheira, me abraçando bem forte pelo o meio das minhas costas. Beijou meu pescoço e me manteve junto a ele, acariciando minha pele sem nenhuma pretensão sexual. Por algum motivo, isso me fez sentir melhor, como se eu fosse amado e mais uma vez estivesse no lugar mais seguro do mundo. 

Ali ninguém poderia me ferir.

Obrigada por ler!

[seerofmike]

Mike's Media Medley--November 2024

here's the second to last one of these this year before i do what i watched/played in dec post and then a post of my top 7 games and movies for the whole year :p got a little more proactive this month since i had some free time due to thanksgiving break so let's get started!

things i watched or played for the very first time this november--

Movies/Shows(2024 releases)--Wicked, Arcane season 2

Movies (non-2024 releases)--Run Lola Run (1998), Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Games-- Long Live the Queen (2013), Darkwood (2014), Hexcraft: Harlequin Fair (2021), Papa's Pizzeria Deluxe and Crime Scene Cleaner (2024),

Movies / Shows:

Arcane season 2

okay so i actually have a fair bit to say about arcane season 2 so i think i will save that for its own post but i didn't like it as much as season 1. im gonna give it like a 77.5/100. season 1 would've been a 90/100.

Run Lola Run (1998)

this is another movie i meant to see for its anniversary re-release and took a while to get around to but GOD this movie was weird and i really liked it i LOVE absurdism. the soundtrack was banging and there were just really interesting directorial choices here. it reminded me a lot of Good Time and i feel like i can almost trace a line between the two in terms of influence.

i think she should've broken up with her stupid boyfriend who looks a shocking amount like theo james tho

greatly enjoyed it. might rewatch it.

85/100

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

i meant to watch this on halloween but then I Forgor so it got rolled over into november. i thought it was pretty funny but i struggle to remember too much of it. it was written and directed by edgar wright so you know there was a lot of clever shit going on but also there were just some moments i remember making me go :/ but i dont entirely remember what. i think the movie really started losing me by the third act but i had a fun time watching it

70/100

Wicked

ok yeah it was pretty good

i wasn't really expecting to like this cuz i am just. NOT a musical person. like i liked hamilton but only because it wasn't like most other musicals and also ive literally never listened to all of hamilton LMFAO so i'm just not a musical person. that being said this WHOLE movie was really fun and i've seen it like 3 times

the set pieces (lots of real sets, and not cgi!) were beautiful and the character performances were all fun. ariana was like. surprisingly hilarious??? like i DID watch victorious growing up but i don't remember much so maybe i shouldn't be surprised. and cynthia put her whole fucking pussy into singing this thing

my only gripes are, based on what i've heard about the second half of the musical i wonder how they're gonna handle elphaba's sister + munchkin guy because i feel like they didn't do much here but that's a future problem for a future movie. and secondly i thought the. actual like. shooting of the movie was very bland considering its subject matter. like the camera is energetic ENOUGH for the musical scenes but i feel like it could be going crazier and don't even get me started on the LIGHTING of this thing but other than that. this was fun and i have a lot of the songs stuck in my head!

90/100

bideo games

Crime Scene Cleaner (2024)

haven't played a whole lot of this but it does scratch the same itch for me as like house flipper. i do have to be in the mood for those types of games though. this one has the addition of an incredibly awkward english translation so that's nice. i like the music stuff that's neat

Darkwood (2014)

ok so i played this for like 2 hours at a friend's and i was really trying to enjoy the Vibes but the inventory management stuff just like. kind of made it a slog. so i quit sawi

Hexcraft: Harlequin Fair (2021)

im gonna be honest i have no idea whats going on here i think its kind of just like. a Vibes and Atmosphere game. and i get what its going for as like this old school mmo type of things i think. i am enjoying it im just also stupid and dont get it yet. shout out to the estrogen pills filling up my inventory tho

Long Live the Queen (2013)

dog they got me doing spreadsheets. they got me writing stuff down with a pen and paper doing math. it's like disco elysium but instead of solving a murder you're trying to survive until your coronation and every roll of the die CAN kill you for ridiculous reasons what do you mean i need to invest in my decoration skills to beat the evil wizard fuck you im obsessed

Papa's Pizzeria Deluxe (2024)

ive never actually played pizzeria before! i appreciate that it's way more difficult than papa's freezeria but im gonna be honest some of these people need to be in jail for their pizza orders

[j-crow]

how've you been lately dawg 🤔🤔

in the trenches /j

yapping you didnt ask for incoming:

surprising from what you might think of me but ive been really good lately!!

i love the retj fandom but that shit got so miserable and overwhelming and convoluted that i just. gave up on trying to go back. im much happier staying off discord :D

actually i needed a reason to rant about this but oh my god??? i literally NEVER used to be that upset all the time pre-retj discord server. like the version of me in your head is probably SO inaccurate to how i actually am because i am NEVER that upset all the time

like yeah i get really upset sometimes but when i had discord??? WHY WAS I SO SUICIDAL?????

so the conclusion that ive come up with is that discord literally gave me mental illnesses and like. yeah that makes sense actually 😭😭

besides that ive been good besides the constant appearance of a wlw situationship in my life 😞😞

also dont if you ever noticed but i had a crush on your ex 💀💀 (tbf there were some EXTREMELY mixed signals imo) we’re not talking anymore tho

uhhh ive gotten new interests (house md my beloved <33 stupid fucking gay doctors) and read a terrifying amount of fanfiction (probably over 100 fics read the past 2 months not including the 100k+ one im reading rn???? dont bully me pls i know im chronically online 💔💔)

ive been trying to draw more as well but i suck ass at human anatomy and have ultimately decided to just draw animals for the rest of my life atp

also ive been playing the new pokemon tcg game and my entire coding class is literally obsessed with it 😭😭 (me flexing)

also been playing pokerogue!! its fun but i get unreasonably angry when my pokemon die 😭😭

ANYWAYS HOUSE MD!!!!!!!! medical malpractice show 10/10 would recommend watching‼️‼️ ive gotten so many spoilers because my short attention span cant handle more than two episodes a day and im stuck on season one 😭😭

WILSON!!!!!! my definitely gay husband who looks way too fondly at his best friend of ten years to be straight and has had three divorces (canon btw) exploding him with my mind 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

still obsessed with birds as you might be able to tell 😭😭 blog name actually comes from a piece of art your ex gave to me (gatekeeping sorry) it said “the c in jc stands for crow” and i ran with it

thats u btw /j (thats an australasian swamphen chick also known as a pukeko chick!!! look them up theyre terrifying)

personally one of my favorite photos of them

anyways i still like hamilton and epic the musical surprisingly and i think i can almost recite the entirety of nonstop and the room where it happens (so impressive i know)

and retj my beloved and beloathed </33 so terribly detrimental for my health but im glad i went through that shit tbh

also crazy that its almost christmas??? its christmas eve wtf i forgot

im also working on a 3d animation project with some friends!!! its due sometime in february and im praying i get into nationals for the competition 🙏🙏 i have a backup if the animation fails horribly but my friends dont so!!!! gotta work hard so we all can go to florida and do some tomfoolery

thats about it i think???? unless you want to hear about my school life for whatever reason (im happy to yap about coding but dont ask me about anything else 😭😭)

hope you’ve been well dude!! :D

found this deep in my camera roll 😭😭

[edupunkn00b]

Meus ex Machina, Chapter 12: Working Out

Edited public domain image of two hands reaching for each other, lit in deep blue and neon green.

Prev - Working Out - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

Logan is determined not to slow down the team again. It wouldn't be the first time he'd pushed his body to the limit.

Logan slipped through the locker room door just before it clanked shut, closing in three dozen or so students in the musky, humid air. "Watch it!" he warned a knot of augmented juniors as they chased past, jostling his safety glasses. His cry went unnoticed over their excited laughter.

He sidled close to the only other full Traditional he could spot, a tall, muscular sophomore. The boy may not have been born with Powers, but he’d certainly clutched a winning genetics lottery ticket on his way into the world.

“Hey, Lo, check it out!” Andrei cheered, lifting his shirt to reveal a translucent implant above his right hip. “Look what my parents got me for my birthday!” Nodding, Logan watched the lights flicker, micro-adjusting his hormone and electrolyte levels. “No more charley horses for me, huh?”

“Indeed,” he murmured. No more leg cramps, no more muscle fatigue. And with a daily boost of somatropin, he’d grow at least another foot and a half before he graduated. “Congratulations.” Logan forced a smile, adjusting his now-fogged eyeglasses. “You will certainly—”

“Alright boys, listen up!” The wrestling coach stepped up onto a nearby bench and whistled. Two freshmen with new hearing augments winced and covered their ears. He waited for the din to lessen and tapped his wrist, activating the ceiling's vid projector. Thanks to Title IV of the Powerds Integration Act, blah blah blah,” he rolled his eyes and two of the older Powerds glared at him. “We’re down to one boy’s team this year with space for five Traditionals.”

Five? Logan's stomach dropped to his feet. There had been fifteen Traditionals in last year’s team plus four alternates. He scanned the room as the coach called out the new team’s roster. Jake and Kirthi high fived behind the coach, reaching nearly his height now with the summer’s growth injections taking effect. Ben stood in the corner, dark shades covering new eyes.

Logan's mouth went dry when he realized he was the last of the Traditionals team who hadn’t yet been augmented. Tim wasn’t there, of course, though Logan saw him from time to time between classes, slouched in his motorized chair, waiting for the school’s singular elevator.

“And… Sanders,” the coach finished. Thirty four sets of eyes whipped over to him and Logan tried to stand a little taller. And tried to ignore the other student’s murmurs.

“It’ll be a good year, Coach,” he said.

Coach Roberts nodded, eyes fixed at a spot just above his head. “Suit up, boys. I want you all out and sparring in pairs in five.” 

Logan kept his eyes trained down and focused on his own preparations as the locker room exploded in activity. Laughter and slamming doors rattled his teeth, the usual scramble to shed street clothes and don stretchy singlets—or, in the case of several boys, trade in for the next size up—no longer lending him its usual energizing buzz.

The day wasn't finished with him yet. With an odd number of Traditionals on the team, it was a simple matter of the math not mathing to require a Traditional to that be paired with a Powered.

Coach Roberts patted Logan’s shoulder as he stepped up to his side of the mat. “Look, Sanders, do your best out there. No-one expects much more than that from you.”

Logan looked up into Coach Robert’s camera-ringed irises. “Y—yes, Coach,” he nodded and turned to face his opponent. The coach had at least tried to give him a chance, matching Logan with a Powered in the same weight class.

But how much did weight class really matter when your opponent’s muscles powered a skeleton stronger than titanium? When your opponent could sense your thoughts, predicting your every move?

He managed to stay on his feet for the first round. Until, at least, his sparring partner grew bored and stopped tamping down on his other abilities. In seconds, Logan was down, face jammed into the mat. He struggled but his opponent countered each twist, each desperate attempt to break free. Finally, Logan tapped out.

The Powered—a new student Logan hadn’t even learned his name—loomed over him. “Good job.” He tonelessly repeated the team’s end of match phrase and looked around for his next partner.

Logan pushed up to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and shook his head. “Best two out of three.”

~

“Time?” Logan panted, controller shaking in his grip as he brought the mech's hands together in the ready signal. He’d boosted the suit’s stabilizers, so from the outside, at least, his durasteel arms moved smoothly. But Logan knew. 

“219.8 seconds. Better,” V smiled encouragingly but the flatness in his tone and the twitch in his eyebrow said it all. Logan still took entirely too long to properly suit up. 

He deflated, leaned to one side in the mech’s cavity. Logan pulled in a shaking breath, fighting to slow his panting, and nodded. “Indeed. Better.” Better but not enough.

"Get your bearings and we’ll go again,” V suggested, still smiling as he passed him a towel. It was only then Logan noticed he was drenched, sweat dripping from his hair and soaking through his shirt.

Logan smiled his thanks—tried to, at least, and V nodded again, a bottle of electrolyte ready. His smile grew, just a bit. He hadn't yet exhausted V's patience. Logan would keep going for as long as he was willing to help him.

V looked up when Patton approached from the kitchen, hugging a large crate to his burly chest. The scents of strawberries and fresh bread and chocolate chip cookies intermingled in the air as he stopped. He shifted the box to one arm to wave at them. “I’m headed, ah…” He waggled his head vaguely toward the hall and Logan’s brow furrowed before understanding struck.

“Is he…” V frowned and swiped across his tablet, searching. Trying not to be obvious, Logan peeked over his shoulder and caught a glimpse of The Muse’s hallway on the screen.

“No, he—nothing’s wrong. Just…” Patton shrugged and looked down at the crate. “After yesterday, I…”

Hesper’s cryptic words from last night filled Logan’s mind. “What makes you think I didn’t trigger your alarms so I could have a little company… just like Re used to?”

“Can I help?” Logan blurted out before looking down at his useless half a hand, his broken body. His face burned, stomach knotted in shame at his utter uselessness.

Patton’s smile was gentle. “Um, that’s okay, Kiddo. I got this.” He didn’t bother to ask how precisely Logan thought he could help in a room he couldn’t reach in his mech. In a room he couldn’t even enter without assistance. Still holding the giant crate of food with one arm, he gently squeezed Logan’s—not the mech’s—shoulder. “But thanks. I’ll let you both get back to your drills.”

He gave them another little wave then headed down the hall. Listening to the elevator door open then swish closed, Logan finished his drink and passed V the empty bottle.

“Ready?” he asked, switching back to his timer.

“Yes.” Logan lowered the mech to a crouch and began to climb out. But Patton's arrival broke the dam on the flood of questions from last night. In his distraction, he nearly fell out of the cavity. “Well… wait.” He met V’s questioning glance. “What did Hesper mean… about The Prince as a little boy? Did he… Did Hesper know him back then?” V scowled down at his tablet but Logan pushed on. “Is that why he called The Muse, ‘Re?’”

Tapping at the screen, V started to speak, then his jaw clamped shut. He let out a slow breath before looking back at Logan. “It’s not really my story to tell. I…” He sighed again. 

For a moment, Logan feared V would try sending him to The Prince with his questions. “Yeah,” V said at last. “Yeah, there’s… there’s a history. You…” V winced and wouldn’t quite meet his eyes. “Maybe ask Silvertongue… um… later, though.” He nodded like it was obvious why he should wait. “You know?”

Was there more to Silvertongue’s outburst last night, too? “I’ll wait,” he promised. “Thank—thank you.” 

“Yeah.” V blew out a short breath and returned his attention to the tablet. “Ready for another go?”

Logan dropped the last foot or so, hitting the ground with a barely muffled groan. He climbed up into his chair, replicating his starting point. “I’m ready,” he said, looking up at the suit.

V stared at him for a long moment. “You know, maybe…” He looked away when Logan tried to meet his eyes, tugging at his sleeves.

“Maybe what?” Logan prompted, bracing himself for what passed for yet another bit of ‘constructive’ criticism.

“Maybe you just need to work on your strength a bit,” he said with a little shrug. “If you want, I could show you how to modify a couple of the machines in the fitness center to—”

“Show me.”

That was how Logan ended up strapped to the pull-up machine in the team’s fitness center, the bright automated trainer chirping out his reps into a sweat-proof earpiece. “And twenty. Good job! You’ve finished your workout—”

“Again!” Logan snapped, tugging at the bar as the platform lowered him to the floor.

“You have completed your recommended three sets of twenty, Logan,” the interface chirped back. Though its tone never changed, Logan couldn’t help but flinch at the sound of his own name. Constructed from heavily modded tech ‘borrowed’ from Abracadabra, the interface sounded just like the old assignment program back at the distribution center. 

“I don’t care. Again!” He batted at the controls with the end of his left stump but the panel went dark.

“I am unable to comply with your request.” The artificial voice switched over to the main speakers when it ended his session, like it wanted a witness. “Please try again tomorrow.”

“You’re better off arguing with the refridgerator, Tin Man,” the Prince chuckled from the corner.

“How long have you been watching me?” Logan snapped, face warm. While the automated trainer didn’t record his strained grunts during his workout, the Prince was the absolute last person he’d want to hear him struggling to do a simple pull-up.

The Prince lifted a barbell packed with 300 pounds on either side. The weight floated up to his chin, before he raised it up above his head and back down to the floor in one perfect, flowing motion.

The weights didn’t even clank when they touched the mat.

“Long enough to see you max out your reps,” he said, barely pausing for his own weight routine. “Hit the showers or something.”

“I’m not done,” Logan muttered, pushing himself off the platform. Fatigued muscles trembling under the strain, he dropped faster than he’d planned, landing with a pained grunt as his hip grazed the base of the pull up machine. 

“Don’t tell me it’s leg day for you.”

“Oh, ha, ha,” Logan muttered, hiding his face until he could control the shameful quiver in his chin. “With wit like that, it’s little wonder you’re the brains of the team. Oh, no, wait—You’re not.”

The Prince shrugged and spared him any further conversation, instead loading on another 100 pound plate to each side of his dumbbell. Shaking his head, Logan pulled himself into his chair and moved to the far corner of the fitness room, keeping as many weight machines between him and The Prince as he could.

When he’d found a suitable place, he lowered himself to the floor again, taking it slowly this time. Laying flat on his back with his chair in front of him, he wedged his thighs between the front and back wheels, bracing his lower body for crunches.

It worked well. For a while, at least. To remain steady, Logan had to tighten his abductors with each crunch, pushing against the wheels to keep them—and himself—from rocking with the movement.

He pushed on, the chair straining against its emergency brakes with each rep. Finally, the brake snapped free and the chair flipped back.

“Fuck.” Logan pounded his fist and the back of his head against the mat and lay back, eyes closed, as he gathered the strength to push the chair upright. With any luck, the Prince had already finished his strongman routine and left the gym.

Logan was not a lucky man.

“Need a hand?”

Logan glared up at him from the floor.

“Oh, shit, yeah…” He shuffled closer, ears tinged pink as he avoided looking at Logan’s stump. “I—I didn’t mean that one. I swear.” He gestured at the overturned wheelchair. “Can I help?”

“I’ve got it,” Logan muttered, pushing up and wiggling closer to the chair. He rolled onto his belly then wormed his way into the gap between the back of the chair and the floor. Once he’d gotten most of his body underneath it, he wedged his right hand under his chest and pushed up sharply.

It took two more tries but finally the chair tilted forward and Logan twisted with it, grabbing the strap criss-crossing the back of the chair to steady it before it tipped completely forward.

“Damn,” the Prince murmured.

“You’re still here?” Logan leaned against the seat back, panting, and in no way ready to either resume his crunches or climb into the chair.

The Prince shifted his weight from side to side, one foot pointed toward the door, the other toward him. Finally, he dropped to the floor and sat about two feet away. Jerking his chin toward the chair, he shrugged. “What were you even doing to knock over that beast?”

Logan eyed The Prince and considered ignoring his question. If he really was that nosy, he could just as easily pull up the security footage and that might be worse than simply hearing about it. Sighing, Logan let his eyes fall closed. “I was using it to brace my… legs for abdominal crunches. The other machine's not built for me.”

The Prince made a little choked sound in the back of his throat. Not a laugh, but…

Eyes still shut, Logan wiggled back into position and prepared himself for another set. If he could increase his core strength, maybe the one-armed pull-ups would get easier faster.

Logan’s eyes snapped open when he felt movement next to him. The Prince had moved closer, knelt on the floor only about a half-foot away, hands laying open on his lap. His expression was unreadable.

“Lay your legs against mine. I’ll brace you,” he said, patting the tops of his thighs and glancing down at where Logan’s legs ended. To the Prince’s credit, the usual mix of pity and disgust flashing over his features didn’t last long.

The Prince waited, holding his gaze until, finally, Logan nodded. He moved a little closer, but let Logan be the one to move close enough to touch and set his legs in place. “May I?” he asked, holding his hands over the tops of Logan’s thighs.

“Go—” Logan cleared his throat, the vulnerability of his position seizing the muscles in his neck. If he'd wanted to, The Prince could pick him up and fling him against the wall and not even break a sweat. “Go ahead,” he finally croaked out. With flat, open hands, The Prince pressed against his legs, holding him in place.

“I’ll let go the moment you tell me to,” the Prince said, then fell silent as Logan resumed his crunches.

He loathed to admit it, but focusing on only one set of muscles made the crunches almost enjoyable. Almost. “This helps,” Logan grunted. “Immensely.” He forced himself up for another two crunches. “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” The Prince replied, repeating his own words back at him from last night's skirmish with Hesper.

Logan pushed out the last of the set and lay back, counting down a thirty second rest period. He lifted up again and silently worked through another set. He slowed as he neared the end, muscles screaming in protest. “Why…" The temptation to ask The Prince about his history with Hesper—and about Re—was great. He shifted to the next question bubbling in his mind instead. "What are you helping me, anyway? I thought… I thought you hated me.”

“I don’t—” The twitch in The Prince’s jaw told Logan he very much did. “We’re a team,” he shrugged at last. “If you’re stronger, we’re all stronger. C’mon, Iron Man, that all you got?" Did Logan only imagine a smile behind his eyes? "Gimme three more.”

[vaguehotels]

something ive noticed is that in a lot of old pictures, i smile without my teeth. i had crooked, very yellow teeth until i got braces in my freshman year of high school. had em for two years. every single photo of me from that time, im smiling with my teeth, brackets shining for the world to see. after i got them off, nothing. kissy face. sticking out my tongue. frowning. mock surprise. i didnt smile anymore. but recently ive been spending more time with my mother. she likes to smile with her teeth in pictures. and now i do it too. every other selfie in my camera roll is us together, grinning away. i may be becoming my father in spirit and mind, but ill always have my mothers smile i think.

[gamblins]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier !

– BASICS.

NAME: autumn

PRONOUNS: they/them but any is fine

SEXUALITY: pansexual ?

TAKEN OR SINGLE: single

– THREE FACTS.

~ i have a very LOUD bird named hiccup he hates my guts but he is just a funky little guys

~ i own two ferrets they are everything to me! one is named yue and one is azula. my whole camera roll is just them being cute little rats!

~ I cosplay! i have been cosplaying for YEARS tho ive been taking a long break. im slowly going back into it. hazbin is giving me inspo to do it again and YES im being dragged to cosplay charlie with zestial(rory) as my father lucifer :) very excited

— EXPERIENCE.

HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): def about eleven years

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: i used kik , instagram , skype , twitter , discord , jcink & tumblr.

BEST EXPERIENCE: so far tumblr and this community as been amazing ! i had a lot of experience and this one is by far my favorite <3. its giving me the reason to love rping again

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

FEMALE OR MALE: . i am a mix usually i lean towards masc. but i do like my fair share of fem

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i enjoy fluff and angst ! i do like angst to an extent as long as it gets resolved ! cause i cry so hard with angst (zestials knows this first hand! they have made ME SOB over good ass angst.) smut i do enjoy as long as the other enjoys it as well i am good to write it out as long as we have an idea of were it would go!

PLOTS OR MEMES: both! i do like memes and plotting out things are great as well! cause it give more flavor and that spark!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i do a mix of both! i can do long once and match other threads so i usually match my partners or i tend to go overboard and write long threads when the muse it right.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: . i usually write best when the muse hits but usually at nights or midmorning were i wake up from my slumber ! and usually listen to music and vibe when writing.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): i love playing fun and crazy characters and grumpy characters too!! so so id say yes!

TAGGED BY: @chthonicrage , @spiderslvts TAGGING: @hellsbroadcaster @origiinis @k1zty @televanghell and anyone who wants to do it!

[jobrookekarev]

The Beating of Two Hearts Chapter Ten

Chapter: Ten of Twelve

Words: 3,256

Summary: Jo talks with Carina about sneaking out and Alex talks with Cristina and Hayes about his anxiety and taking paternity leave.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, Carina DeLuca, Cristina Yang, and Cormac Hayes.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences.

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Drama, Domestic, Marriage, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Light Angst, Parenthood, Menial Illness, Happy Ending.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

…………………………………………………………………

Jo was typing away on her laptop and working on the paper again. She watched her mouse, David Bowie, from a camera she had set up in the lap. At least this way she could still do what she wanted without having to sneak out. However, she was still hoping to get the results from the lab on David Bowie's latest blood test. His liver enzymes were slightly elevated. He was four years old now and she wanted to make sure he wasn't declining in health naturally or because of the mini livers. 

There was a knock at the door and Jo jumped with a start and slammed the laptop shut before she showed it under her pillow.

“Come in,” Jo yelled as she tried to act natural.

Carina walked to the room holding something behind her back. Jo sighed and held out her arm, turning away so she didn't have to see the IV being put in again. However, instead, Carina placed a cool drink in her hand. When Jo looked back Carina simply held a small container containing a few pills. Jo raised her eyebrow at her as she turned back around and took a sip from the drink. It was one of the mocktails they usually made for their patients after labor. Jo smiled as she tasted the red cherry flavoring that she liked. Carina still held out the pills and Jo took them with little reluctance. 

After she swallowed them Carina sat down and pulled the stool beside her. She didn't say anything for a half second and Jo wondered why as she studied Carina's expression. It was surprisingly natural. Yet, she would for sure Carina would give her another scolding and she had every right to.

“The pills I just gave you are, a prenatal, your heart pill, and the Tylenol as I know you still need it. This should be sufficient enough. So long as you stay hydrated, I see no reason for you to be on an IV including the fact that most of your medications can be taken orally.”

“What's the catch,” Jo said, narrowing her eyes at her, sensing that there was something more.

“There is none,” Carina said as Jo raised her eyebrows. “You are not at risk for preterm labor, and your baby is extremely healthy. If it was up to me I would discharge you this afternoon.”

“Really?” Jo asked in surprise. “Does Cristina or Alex know about this?”

“I've already talked with Cristina about it,” Carina said, but then she frowned. “However, it's Alex who isn't quite on board yet.”

“Of course,” Jo said with an eye roll.

“He is only worried for your safety, however overzealous.”

Jo nodded and she took another sip of her drink. “He's been really anxious recently. He doesn't sleep well and he's had nightmares. He barely eats and he complains of heartburn, but I know it's an anxious stomach. He's so worried about me, and I can see it in his eyes, but when I ask he says he's just tired. But I don't believe him.” 

“Nor do I,” Carina said with a nod.

“I don't know what to do,” Jo admitted to her as she looked down at her wedding rings. “When I was struggling with my mental health, I didn't want to talk to anybody, not even Alex. And I think he's feeling the same thing.”

“I know, Maya was the same way,” Carina said as she looked down as well, playing with her wedding rings. “However Alex has seen you take on your own mental health issues, and will follow your lead to better health, with a little pushing in the right direction.” 

Carina reached out and grasped one of Jo's hands, giving it a squeeze. Jo nodded as well. “I’ll talk to Cristina. I think in this situation she can help him more than anyone. And I need to apologize to you for the way I've been acting. I'm sorry.” 

Jo glanced back up at her, with a sheepish look as Carina gave her a small smile. Carina leaned forward and wrapped her in a hug. “I only worry for you, because I care about you Jo, deeply. You are a dear friend and a trusted colleague. I love you like a sister, I don’t want to lose you.” 

Jo agreed with the nod as she teared up. “I love you like a sister too.”

Carina smiled as she pulled Jo in for another hug. Carina clung to her before she sighed and let go, getting up and hanging Jo her phone. “You’re still an inpatient and you're grounded, and are to remain in your room until you're discharged. However, you are free to call Cristina and Alex. I hope you are able to help him.”

Jo nodded, she knew her punishment was only fair as she pulled up Cristina’s number and pressed call as Carina left her alone.

…………………………………………………………………

“You have to do something about Jo,” Alex yelled as he burst into the office Cristina was working in. Cristina had texted him, to have him come talk to her about Jo. Alex was hoping that she could talk some sense into Jo and get her to stay in her room.

“What do you mean, specifically?” Cristina asked although she didn’t look up from the paper she was writing. She squinted even as she was wearing glasses.

“Well, I just mean that she's like she's running all over the hospital. No one can find her and she takes out her IV. I just found her working in her lab with mice,” Alex explained as he started pacing in front of her.

“Oh yeah the mini livers, how's that going?” Cristina asked, finally looking up at him. 

“I don't know,” Alex said, throwing up his hands. “She said something about trials, but that's still probably at least a year away. I worry about her. She shouldn't be with mice, especially unhealthy ones. What if they bite her or give her some kind of disease? With her heart, she can’t survive that.”

Cristina shrugged and he glared at her then shook his head.

“But this is what I'm talking about. She's completely distracted and focused on working rather than healing like she should be. She should be resting in bed. She should be, I don't know, knitting baby stuff or something.”

“Jo knitting?” Cristina scoffed with a laugh. 

“Well I mean she could if she wanted to,” Alex said as he looked over at her. 

“Alex, what's your heart rate?” Cristina asked, pausing and finally shutting the laptop as she looked up at him. 

“I don't know,” Alex said, pausing as he listened to his heartbeat for a second. “Maybe 120 or something.” 

 Cristina rolled her eyes. “Well put your fingers to your neck and test for it.”

“Why is this important?” Alex continued his pacing, but Cristina got up and stopped him as she put her hands on his shoulders and put her fingers against his neck. 

Alex paused for a breath. He was breathing heavily, but he had been pacing back and forth and running all over the hospital looking for Jo. They had also just had a fight and his emotions were high. 

“Your heart rate is elevated, 187,” Cristina said as she moved his hand to his shoulder giving it a squeeze. “I'm sure your blood pressure isn't much better.”

Cristina pulled out a cuff and placed it on his arm as she took his blood pressure, she frowned at the results and showed it to him. Alex looked up in surprise. “That can't be right, that's way too high okay.”

“Come on, let's go sit down and take a couple of deep breaths,” Cristina said as Alex nodded and they both went over to the couch.

Alex said he knew what she was doing as he let out a sigh. Before he breathed in and out. He remembered the song the kids used to sing, ‘One little breath blew away the clouds.’ As he breathed out. ‘Then in came the sun and melted the snow.’ He often sang it with Helena and Luna as it helped them with their meltdowns and tantrums.

He sat down next to Cristina as she took his blood pressure again and smiled. “Much better.”

“What's the point of all this though?” Alex asked, calmly, but he wasn’t sure where she was going with all this. 

“When was the last time you had a panic attack?” Cristina softly asked him as he shook his head.

“It was when Jo was rushed into surgery.”

“Let me rephrase this, when was the last time your chest was so tight you couldn't breathe?”

“Are you saying that I'm having heart issues now?” 

“No, but I'm guessing the last time you felt that was, was this afternoon, when Jo wasn't there in her room.

“It’s not that she wasn't there, it’s that no one could find her. She could have a heart attack. What if she had died or gone into preterm labor? Or….”

“Alex, why don’t you look at the numbers?” Cristina said, pulling up her computer again and pulling out Jo's latest test results.

He looked over the labs and the stress test results, including the echo that played on the computer. Her heart is strong, there was no denying it. 

“I recommended that she be discharged as of tomorrow and Carina and I both agree. Maggie said she'll take up monthly appointments with Jo until the baby's born and after that every 6 months. She'll get an echo and a stress test and she'll send me the results, but I've also booked a plane home for tonight.”

“You're leaving now? But what if….” 

“Alex, take a breath again.”

Alex growled but did as he was told. He took a deep breath, letting the tightness in his chest uncurl and subside for the moment.

“Your wife is healthy again, you don't need me to babysit her anymore. You can go home and I'm going to go home too.” 

 “But what if….” Alex trailed off as he felt his chest tighten. The anxiety curled inside of him like a spring on a Jack in the box, ready to burst open at any minute.

“Jo said you've been having trouble sleeping.”

“Yeah, but I just have a lot on my plate with Jo and the girls, puls Luna stopped sleeping through the night so I did too and Helena is suddenly biting at daycare so I have to pick her up early and Jo naps during the day and then is up early in the morning and late a night….” 

Cristina raised an eyebrow at him, not believing his justifications. “Carina said Jo’s sleeping well and that Luna only wakes up once in the middle of the night but goes back down easy. I can’t say for the biting thing that’s your department.”

Alex laughed a little as he ran his hand over his face. “But I don't, stare up at the ceiling and worry. I'm always going to worry about my wife and our daughters, you can’t change that.”

“There's worrying about life and then there’s anxiety. Alex, I think it might be wise to make an appointment with your GP to discuss therapy and potential anti-anxiety medication.”

“I don't know if I’m there yet,” Alex said with a shake of his head.

 Cristina just gave him a soft smile. “I think we might be.”

Alex looked away from her, staring at the wall as his chest tightened again. An image of Jo laying on the hospital bed, her eyes not focusing on him and telling him that she didn't feel well. Cristina put a hand on his back and rubbed up and down. That brought him back as he let out a shaky breath. 

He didn't realize he was crying until the tears fell onto his lap and Cristina offered him a tissue. It was like a release of emotions that had been building up for the past month. All of that fear, and anxiety, and worry, and stress of the situation, came pouring out as he cried. Cristina just rubbed his back and offered him tissues. She didn't make fun of him, she never would and for that he was grateful. 

He remembered when he first told Cristina that he loved Jo. Lying on her bed in her room staring up at the ceiling admitting his love for Jo for the first time. Back then he was scared, but it was a different kind of fear, the kind of rejection and heartbreak. If he knew then what he knew now, he would have punched Myers before he had the chance to hurt Jo. He would have loved her sooner and helped her divorce Paul before he lashed out at Andrew. He would have kissed her, loved her, and married her again in a heartbeat. Looking at their life now, he knew that it was all worth it. Even if it meant having to go through all this again. But, he was desperate to get back to the way things were before her heart failed, or at least to have a new normal again.

“I think therapy would be good,” Alex finally admitted as he wiped away the last of the tears with a nod. 

“I’ll help you make an appointment with a therapist today, but first I think you should talk to Jo and make up with her,” Cristina said, giving him a little nudge and Alex agreed with another nod. 

“Will you at least stay for dinner? If Jo gets discharged maybe we could have dinner at Meredith's house,” Alex asked. “I feel like we haven't really spent any time with you and Meredith, just the three of us.” 

“Why don’t you both meet me in the pits after you've made up with Jo and we can drink and talk about how things have changed.”

“I've really missed you.”

“I've missed you too,” Cristina said as she pulled him in for a hug and Alex hugged her back. Neither one of them were good with physical affection but this felt warranted. “You and Mer have to come to Switzerland and bring the kids too. I'm sure they'll have a blast.” 

“I don't know about that,” Alex said with a small laugh. “Meredith’s kids would probably enjoy it, but I don’t know about having two toddlers and a baby on the plane.” 

“I could get you a private jet?” Cristina said with a shrug as if a private jet was a normal way to travel.

“We'll see,” Alex said with a smile.

…………………………………………………………………

Alex approached Hayes as he stood at the nurse's station on the ped’s floor going over his chart work. He had stopped by his office to come down from the high of his emotions and to pick up Jo’s mac and cheese. Hayes glanced up at him with a nod before he went back to his work. The two of them had worked together in the Peds department since the merger with Pac-North. They were co-chiefs, but neither was willing to bend to the other. They often butted heads as they had different approaches to things. However, they were starting to put aside their egos and work together as Heyes had stepped up to help him since Jo had gotten sick.

“I heard Jo escaped again,” Heyes said with a smirk.

Alex sighed as he shook his head. “Don’t even remind me and don’t help her again.”

“She's a grown woman, Karev and she’s mostly recovered,” Hayes argued back with his excuses. 

“I don’t want to hear it Hayes,” Alex said, raising his voice. “It's bad enough that you go along with her and hide out in your office with her.”

“Karev,” Hayes said with a stern voice as Alex growled. “When my wife, Abigail, was in the hospital all she wanted was a bit of normalcy. So I’d take her to have lunch with me in my office like we used to do before she got sick. Jo needed the same normalcy so I had lunch with her in my office. It’s more than you do for her.”

Alex took in Hayes’s scolding with a grain of salt. Yet, when Hayes brought up Abigail, he softened. Hayes was just looking out for Jo as a friend and Alex did appreciate that. He understood what they were going through, given his experience with his own wife. He was also right, although Alex was reluctant to admit it. 

“I know, and Jo must have loved that,” Alex admitted as he looked up at Hayes, the animosity gone. 

“She did, but she would have preferred to have lunch with you. It’s mac and cheese day, her favorite,” Hayes gently reminded him. 

“Yeah, I know that too. I got a bowl for her. I don't think Jo can’t stay in the hospital now that she doesn’t have to. But I need to take paternity leave so I can be with her. She hates being here and she hates being home alone, but if I'm home with her, I’m hoping she’ll let me take care of her. I want to take care of my wife. And I need you to take over for me and run the peds department. I know we butt heads on it, but we’ve been co-chiefs since I came back from Pac North and you’re the only one I trust with my patients, well you and Schmitt too, but don't tell him I said that.” 

“Yeah, the resident doesn't need another ego boost now that he's got his confidence,” Hayes agreed with a smile. “But are you sure? Now that she's recovering more, Jo will settle down if you give her a little bit of freedom and I knew you talked about working until the delivery.”

“I’m sure, Cristina and Carina agreed that she shouldn't work. I still think she should be on light bed rest too but that’s not going to happen. If Jo has to be at home and not working then it’s only fair if I do the same,” Alex said, sure of his plan.

Hayes’ expression softened as he nodded. “You should know that I’ve already talked to some of your patients and introduced myself about taking over your service.”

“You went behind my back and stole my patients?” Alex asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“Was I wrong to do so?” Hayes asked with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve been more focused on Jo than your work and for good reason, but someone needed to step in.”

“Okay,” Alex relented, putting his hands down. “I’ll officially hand my patients over to you. I already talked to Chief Altmen and since I'm already on leave she’s agreed to start my paternity leave at the end of the day.” 

“That sounds good, Karev. We can handle it here, go take care of your wife,” Hayes said with a smile patting his back in silent support. 

“Thank you, Hayes,” Alex said letting out a sigh of relief as he felt the weight of the world lift off his shoulders.

It took a while to get everything organized. There was a mountain of paperwork and charts. Alex and Hayes met with all of his patients and he was able to hand them over with confidence. With everything in place for him to go on leave, Alex packed up his bag, closed his office, and took off his white coat. Then he went to his wife.

[vyrim]

Im semi excited for the full Balders Gate 3 release in a month. I have no issue with the divinity style even if some aspects of it, such as the little amount of interesting stuff that comes from leveling up, arent the most exciting. My major concern is the performance side of things. First couple of hours I was fine, able to explore the beginning of the area with a constant 60 fps. Then it just kept dipping and dipping as I played, until I basically got to the end of the ea content barely able to keep a stable 30. With that teaser video they did of the actual Balders Gate city supposedly being massive and detailed, im worried that my computer wont be able to run it at all, let alone at a non eye straining frame rate. We'll see though I guess.

Minor complaints underneath

TLDR: Wish this game looked shittier but played better. I couldnt give two shits how realistic the models or environment if it was just really well tuned. Probably gonna be one of those "Devs bit off more than they could chew" situations that Ill end up getting angry at around the second half, finish, and never play again.

-Ive always hated the spellcasting system of most tabletops. Cast a spell and its gone, if it missed or failed then sucks to be you. Its not a fun idea, and I wish most of the spells were simply made weaker or placed on a cooldown rather than limited. That was what was cool about divinity, if you figured out some really cool combos then you wouldnt have to resort to resting every couple fights just to use them again. Sucks, especially since most stuff is subject to roll rng, so your big lv 3 spellslot ability means nothing cause dipshit beat the dc by chance. Even worse when alot of spells are channeled, so if your character gets hit even once and then proceeds to fail the concentration check the spell fizzles out. Lame shit.

-THE CAMERA. The camera is atrocious, and I dont know what they did differently compared to Divinity 2, but it is a nightmare to control. If you pan too far from your character theres this, like, invisible leash that sudden kills any further movement. It also hates and form of horizontal movement, which means if your character is really high up it wont go down, and if youre trying to look up a cliff it'll just rub the wall.

-The cast is underwhelming. You have a githyanki which is neat, but otherwise its literally two human guys, a half elf, and a vampire elf. Theres not a single dwarf, halfing, gnome, or even a tiefling in the party, which is super lame. They could have easily had a dwarf with the weird magical item hunger problem, or a tiefling vampire wouldve been funny as hell.

-While the variety of extra actions are cool (I cant count how many people Ive killed by shoving them off cliffs or into lava) but theyre really clunky. The environment has so much detail that shoving or shooting in a direction is at massive risk of being just caught on some stray rock or pillar.

-The AI for npcs is still as dumb as it used to be, had a slave get mad at me for shoving its captor into lava. Guys that have never pathed will suddenly turn around out of the blue, even had one person just t-pose and vanish.

-Most of the magical equipment I got wasnt very interesting. Even the adamantite stuff I got after the big fight in the forge was just a debuff on hit. I want silly shit, I want game breaking shit, I want more stuff like those weird tentacle grenades that pull people in.

-Very buggy, and with how big theyre saying the game is gonna be I dont think its any better on release, probably worse actually. I wouldnt have such issues with it if reloading the game didnt take thirty years to complete. Poor Shadowheart made a jump only to glitch out and plummet several stories mid way.

[signalwatch]

WA Watch: Rushmore (1998)

I figure this is me and my nephew in about 8 years

Watched:  07/16/2023

Format:  Streaming Amazon

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Wes Anderson

Recently, I was watching some old Bugs Bunny cartoons, circa 1940, and I was surprised to see the name "Charles M. Jones" in the credits.  While "Chuck Jones" is synonymous with WB animation, he's really associated with a certain artistic style and flair that is characterized in certain styles of background, character design and with his comedic timing in everything from "What's Opera, Doc?" to The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.  But there was his name in plain text.

He had not yet timed how long it took an anvil to fall or for Wile E. Coyote to hang in mid-air before plummeting for maximum comedic effect.  He hadn't quite gotten the rise of an eyebrow or a sly look to the viewer.  But.  It's there.  

Jamie was the one who requested a watch of Rushmore (1998) a film we saw together way back at the Arbor IV upon its release.  And we've watched a number of times over the years.  And, for her, it was an academic exercise in "what was he doing in 1998?  and how does it true up to what's there in 2023 with Asteroid City?"

It's interesting how Anderson springs into a form we all would have been fine with here in 1998 and with his second feature (after the excellent Bottle Rocket).  He's locking in on some of the themes he'd return to (certainly distant, bad dads), certain camera shots/ edits, formal dialog fit more for a 20th century short story than a film in the naturalist mode, aesthetics of symmetry and retro-ism.  

It's also curious to ponder how much of the Wes Anderson story that Owen Wilson occupies.  The two were roommates at the University of Texas, and Anderson - maybe UT's brightest star in film - did not actually participate in the film program, but got a Philosophy degree.*  Bottle Rocket was a deep partnership between Anderson and the Wilson brothers and he'd co-star in the film as well as co-writing and appearing in Royal Tenenbaums.  And, of course, he appears in numerous other Anderson pictures, including French Dispatch, which I haven't seen yet.  

I assume the pacing of events means Anderson and Wilson wrote Rushmore while in their mid-20's to late-20's, and while there's certainly a level of goofiness to the proceedings and it is, in part, about a middle-aged man in a juvenile spat with a 15-year-old, there's some great character stuff that rings even more true here as I roll towards 50.  

I don't know that Anderson could do Rushmore again.  Maybe.  He's never quite given up on teen geniuses, including underperforming teen and adult geniuses.  He's still working through dead parents, bad parents, indifferent parents.  He's still invested in messy romance treated as a matter-of-fact.  I'm not sure a studio would be as ready to fund a movie about a teen and teacher with a complex relationship in the last 20 years.  

But, in general, there's nothing  - to me - about Rushmore that doesn't work.   

I'm glad it's shot in Houston.  Bleak, wintery Houston in all its no-zoning-laws glory and mix of industrial mess and bucolic park-like environs.  I love that dumb town.  

And, of course, it really gave the world Jason Schwartzman and a new view of Bill Murray.  Co-star Olivia Williams has remained feverishly busy, appearing in American works, from The Sixth Sense to Hyde Park on the Hudson (reteamed with Murray).  

But the film also has Brian Cox, briefly Connie Nielsen, Luke and Andrew Wilson, and the late Seymour Cassel.  Sara Tanaka and Mason Gamble seem to have retired from acting - but I think Tanaka is a cardiologist now?

Anyway, 25 years later, the movie still works as well as it ever did, and at this point, it's much more than a curious artifact of Anderson's early work - it's clearly pointing the way he's headed.

  *Little tip for you brainiacs like me who burned through 5 years of college and panicked in their 4th year and also got a history degree

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