#IVE BEEN YOUR FUCKING SAVIOR ALL ALONG

[amugoffandoms]

patiently waiting for this one person to do a full double cover...

[tossball-stick]

MORE TRANSFEM KIERAN

hii kicks my feet. twirls my hair. does a little spin. i wanted to write these out sooo much sooner but i got sick :(( luckily!! im here now!!!! so today ive decided to share some camp transition hcs. personally i dont actually think she would have the time to transition in the gang.. buuuuut its still nice 2 think about :) maybe later ill make a post about the domestic au ive got for her. smiles big and wide

sean is immediately supportive of her transition. this isnt really cause for suspiscion, sean is also trans of course. until his true intentions are revealed and hes simply staring at a womens fashion catalogue in the undergarments section holding it out to kieran and pointing, "i think youd look good in that one ;)"

eventually kieran is doing some of the ladies workload, she is one of them, after all (though i imagine her true role even post transition would be a little more mixed, like karen, who can be seen going on watch and such). of course this means grimshaw eventually coming by to nitpick her the same way she does for the rest of the women. chastised for not being ladylike enough, or being improper. i imagine susan and kieran get along pretty well, honestly, i can imagine kieran being a very effective little worker bee for her that goes along with whatever she says in an attempt to pass. susan clearly knows about being a woman. kieran wants to be a woman. its perfect!

you would think if i headcanoned bill as gay and kieran as a woman i would believe that bill eventually loses his crush on her. you would be wrong. very wrong. i think it maybe seems that way at first, but realistically bills manner of attraction has simply shifted. with men you can be rough and rowdy and awful and its expected, even when trying to court one, but trying to court a lady? now, thats a long process of wearing her down with charisma, wooing her, being a gentleman. things bill williamson sucks at. really badly. i think he would simply stop making moves on her because he just doesnt know how, but i dont think his actual feelings change even remotely

thusly, people start looking at bill weird the times he gets drunk and does dare to flirt with kieran. i imagine people would offer to have a talk with him about it, but she would just smile and shake her head, because bill stumbling over his words to drunkenly call her pretty was one of the best feelings shes ever had

i doubt hosea and dutch would care. really. i think either way they keep her stationed with the horses. it makes her happy and ultimately she is helping around camp more now. theres no loss of hands to complain about, they werent taking her on jobs anyway

her and molly!! i knowwww molly is saying some shit like "youre clearly just pretending, wearing that skirt with that lipstick" and it very quickly snowballs into convincing arthur to take them out on the town and buying kieran some clothes with at least a little class. maybe they kiss while out there. whos to say

look. all im saying is. if kieran goddamn duffy can become a woman then sadie adler can become a man. and sadie adler fucking haaaaaates that the start of his transition was watching an o'driscoll transition first. and i also think it would be really funny and i wanna torture that tboy some more.

grows her hair out for sure, i think in any other setting she would wear it down more than up, but due to the nature of her chores at camp, shes keeping the hair off the back of her neck

i can imagine mary-beth and her sitting together on a quiet night, kieran listening to her talk about whatever dime novel or bodice ripper she'd been able to get her hands on lately. its nice and all, but shes mostly just listening, shes not much of a reader, and mary-beth is clearly talking like she wants the man. until, out of nowhere, shes bringing up how the savior is always the men, and how, sometimes, it made her even more giddy to picture the "men" with long hair and even more identity protection, and thinking about them being women masquerading as men. seemingly, kieran is a lot more engaged now that mary-beth is talking about being saved by a woman that is stuck looking like a man for whatever reason. of course, mary-beth doesnt miss this little detail. theyre sharing drinks by the end of the night.

i think one of her first gender moments was getting her first skirt of course. but i think it only really hit her when she had to mount branwen sidesaddle for the first time, and get used to riding him like that. it was kinda like learning to ride a horse all over again. it gets branwen involved in her transition as well and i think thatd be crucial for her; bonding with her beloved horse in a new way, being a woman while doing it. even if he wasnt a part of such a big moment for her, i still think she would gush to him about all the womanly things she got to do that day. branwen is always the first to hear when a day goes by and she barely feels like a man the whole time.

i hope this was enough food to keep you and any other transfem kieran enthusiasts fed for a bit ^-^

[wooahaes]

you’re my savior (and it’s a pleasure)

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan/vernon & gn!reader, background non-idol!dino x gn!reader

prompt: ive never seen an episode of ITS but ive seen that gifsest of seungkwan + vernon being scared of a moth. relatable tbh but also i could save them bc its a moth... i will gently trap it and release it outside

word count: 1.1k~

warnings: moths & bad writing. also maybe excessive profanity? idk its more than usual. intentional lowercase, no proofreading.

daisy’s notes: i forgot about this tbh. honestly u could also potentially interpret this as a poly relationship if u want. im not even gonna tag anyone on this one, its just silly silly bad writing i finished up after having to catch and free a moth from inside my own house.

anyway google play savior by shinee--

this was probably the worst moment in seungkwan’s entire life.

all he meant to do was come back inside to get utensils for the four of you. this was meant to be a small trip between the four of you out of the city, and yet he was pretty positive he might die if that fucking moth moved. he had backed up, shoulder bumping into the edge of the door. he let out a gasp of pain, carefully keeping his attention pinned to the huge moth that had been sitting across the room.

he sat there for a moment, watching it carefully. if he moved, it might move. all he wanted was to get utensils, and he knew the three of you were sitting outside waiting on him...

“dude--”

seungkwan let out a yelp as he turned, immediately shoving vernon when he laughed. “it’s not funny! there’s a moth!”

“dude, it’s just a moth--” vernon leaned in, looking to where seungkwan was pointing. “oh, shit, that thing’s huge.”

“i know!” seungkwan pouted, tucking himself closer to the wall again. “kill it.”

“dude, i’m not gonna kill it.”

“someone has to get rid of it and i can’t do it!” seungkwan pouted, slowly moving so that he could hide behind vernon. “the window’s open! it should just go out!”

the moth, clearly with an agenda, took off from the coffee machine toward one of the overhead lights. seungkwan immediately took off with another scream, vernon following closely behind as they looked back into the kitchen. seungkwan pressed his hands onto the dinner table, letting out a sigh as he looked back inside with a frown.

“it’s huge,” seungkwan mumbled. “what are we gonna do?”

vernon had drifted away, heading back to the open doorway to see where the moth had landed. it’d continued flying around one of the hanging lights, landing and flying over and over. “you could just... go for it. it probably won’t kill you.”

“probably?!”

“it’s a moth,” he shrugged. “just grab the utensils and my drink and come back--”

“then you go!”

the pair slowly edged their way back toward the open door, seungkwan trying to locate the moth again. vernon continued toward the fridge, glancing around as he went to grab his drink. he watched where seungkwan was making his way toward a drawer, and slowly made his way over to him.

and then the moth flew in again, and both screamed before booking it back out of the room. the two regrouped again outside the kitchen, watching inside as the moth continued its reign of terror.

“we need the utensils.”

vernon had nodded along, watching. “right.”

“so...” seungkwan looked back toward the door outside, where he could see you and chan idly talking (flirting, he and vernon both think, but he was doing badly at it--not that you’d think the same because you laughed anyway). you were leaning toward him with this sappy look on your face, only to laugh again at something chan must have said.

flirt later. save them from moth now.

immediately, the two of you looked up when both of them yelled for chan. the two of you shared a confused glance, and chan rose to come to them--telling you to stay behind. yet you followed after him a moment later, the concern too clear on your face that something was wrong.

“there’s a moth,” seungkwan said, “go get it.”

chan looked between the two of them, “you’re... stuck out here because of a moth.”

“dude. we might literally have mothman spawn in there,” vernon said with a nod back toward the kitchen. “it’s big.”

with a roll of his eyes, chan turned back to you. “i’ll take care of it,” he said, before heading into the kitchen.

the three of you came to the edge of the doorway, watching as chan grabbed the shopping list from earlier and began to slowly make his way around the kitchen in search of it. he turned back to the rest of you, raising his brows as he gestured a little around the room. where the hell is it?

he waved an arm around to see if the motion would spook the moth out of hiding. when it did nothing, he sighed, throwing his hands up, “it must have left--”

the moth, clearly with its own motives, bolted from the lamp it’d been perched on. chan let out a yelp, immediately bolting out of the kitchen and into vernon as he looked back inside.

“what the fuck is wrong with that thing?!” he held onto vernon’s shoulders, using him as his own shield, “it’s fucking huge!”

you rolled your eyes. “oh my god. i hate all of you,” you stole the paper from chan, heading into the kitchen. you had narrowly missed seungkwan reaching for the back of your shirt to stop you, ready to throw in the towel and just leave it for the night. maybe it would just fly out during the night if you all left it alone.

they watched the way you walked into the kitchen, shoulders back in confidence as you found a dry glass from the rack next to the sink. you looked around, scanning to see where it had landed this time, only to see it was tucked close to the wall near another lamp. wordlessly, you inched closer and closer to it, encasing it in the glass quickly. slipping the paper between the glass and the wall, you carefully pulled it back to reveal you had successfully trapped the moth. inching toward the window, you nodded for one of them to come over to it with you. chan shoved vernon forward, and soon enough he was by your side, one hand on the window in order to close it as soon as possible.

you lifted the glass, the moth took off outside, and the window was slammed shut. easy as could be.

you sighed, setting aside the glass. “it’s not that hard--”

only to get cut off by seungkwan tackling you, arms wrapping around you tight. “thank you,” he mumbled over and over. “if it wasn’t so big, i could have done that--”

“don’t lie to them,” chan rolled his eyes. “you would have shut the kitchen doors and let it have the house if it wanted.”

“it’s a moth!” seungkwan countered.

you pulled yourself free from seungkwan, heading over to the utensils drawer. “all of you,” you said, pointing chopsticks at them, “are going on a dessert run after this.”

for you? they’d go anywhere if you’d continue to be the one saving them from huge moths.

[syscoarse]

Sysmed comes from... system, and medical.

"Oh but its inspired by-" sirs, look at me in the eyes, combining words to make 1 term that accurately describes a view isnt transphobic

Same with traumascum, it comes from trauma, and scum, yes, it IS inspired by truscum, BUT just because a term is inspired by another term, doesnt mean that people are saying "these 2 views are EXACTLY the same with no nuance"

Traumascum is saying that youre using your trauma (or someone elses) as an excuse to put down other people, spesifically that people who are against endos are using their trauma or someone elses trauma as a reason why endogenic systems should not exist

If someone calls you sysmed, its an accurate depiction, unless you are saying that you do not view systemhood as inherently medical.

If someone calls you a traumascum, maybe dont make posts along the lines of "oughh im so traumatized and endos dare exist" (even tho endos can also have a lot of trauma)

-Sincerely, a traumagenic system who doesn't force their own meaning into words they happen to not like.

coming out of hibernation to answer this dumbass ask. literally wtf are you even talking about.

the sysmed thing is whatever. sure you could argue that you're just putting words together but from the way the entire pro endo community acts like being a system is exactly like being trans it really comes off that way. dont even try to argue that pro endos arent like that i have been watching y'all do this for years. ohhhh not all endos not all pro endos shut the Fuck up you are all complicit, especially losers like you who get on anon and go into random dead blogs asks to say stupid shit like this.

also maybe dont try to tell someone who went through extensive bullying and doxxing and abuse at the hands of "transmeds" what to think about that term. LIKE Y'ALL ALSO CALL US TRAUMASCUM HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE ITS BASED ON SYSMED. unbelievable.

and traumascum?? like.. how could you even begin to justify that one. i dont care how fucking awful someone is to you it is NOT fair to make that about their trauma. go ahead and call me scum i couldnt care less but dont make it about what ive been through.

does it not make you feel bad calling someone that? do you really feel like the good guy in that situation? not only are you calling someone scum you are saying theyre scum because of their trauma And saying that all they are is what they went through. imagine someone believing that all there was to you was your trauma. that you have no worth or meaning or life outside of it, and that the trauma you went through made you scum. oof buddy like doesnt that sound bad to you??

and yeah actually its ableist And transphobic. you're just too caught up in your own cute little savior complex to even think about what you're talking about.

just because someone is saying that you need trauma to have DID doesnt mean theyre weaponizing trauma against you jfc the drama of it all. hate to burst your bubble kiddo but thats just the facts.

not actually even going to touch that last part with a ten foot pole. traumatized people are allowed to post about their trauma. we deserve and need to have space to talk about it. you should know dumbass you apparently went through it too. and just because someone posts about their trauma And syscourse doesnt mean shit like?? sorry you cant handle other survivors processing their trauma :/ thats so sad :/// maybe stay off of that part of the internet if you dont want to see that.

idgaf if you're "traumagenic" or not dont act like im the stupid one for calling shit like it is

[martadelareina]

Hi if i may join this sharing braincell experience over here!

First of all your post about serving looks thank you i feel validated finally i was watching ep with my fella that i got into the series and needed to stop every time scene changed cause how can this woman look so good each time no matter the situation it's insulting good for Mon tho but she did shortcircuit my brain this entire time.

Second that anon who talked about needing a heart to have heart disease preach both of you cause we all knew that's where they will go one way or another but seriously this isn't what Song died for. At the end fuck both grandmother and kirk even more the fact they made him being the one who set her straight not to mention the fact as you said so yourself both of them woken up after months just when wedding was around the corner, good for Sam so she didn't lost loved one at the end of the day but fuck the redemption arcs. The trio that adopted Mon + the baby later on is just insert Lady Gaga meme here everything we didn't knew we needed, deserved and more. So invested in lesbian drama that her baby almost fell out not to mention being ready to teach them step by step if heavenly water won't work you won't be able to find it anywhere else she is just THE CHARACTER. Poor Tee taking punches left and right we will never forget your sacrifice but at least she got Yuki to make it all better when she isn't busy giving lesbianism 101. Kade not being able to be there 90% of the time just hits different.

Last but not the least about if her parents knew i was laughing my ass off when she was saying goodbye before going to airport because we never got how they found out it really makes it into hilarious picture like oh your boss so nice came to make up with you but shouldn't they be concerned she makes her overwork so she stays over day after day not to mention all the tears in span of all this and at the end ship that saved us all just comes to the house like guess what we getting married and on that note so just you know we dated along the way sorry for late notice, poor Singha almost got scarred with what could have happened in That Scene.

That was a wild ride ain't it happy ep 12 for everyone we got there cheers!

yes yes and yes! like i have little to no complaints about this little show it gave me more in 12 episodes than ive gotten from wlw media in umm, ever? but grandmother needing that final push from kirk was a big bummer. like you’re telling me first of all, song dying because you’re homophobic didn’t do it? getting absolutely fucking eviscerated by our lord and savior khun neung didn’t do it? seeing sam fainting at the dinner table and crying alone every night didn’t do it? but little fucking worm on a skateboard kirk makes it click? get out of here. grandmother was very right when she said the best thing she could do for sam was die.

and god That Scene. it is so funny to me that they were so nervous to fuck because they had basically been doing it for 3 entire episodes. im gonna miss them so much they’re so stupid but now they’re married and get to continue to be stupid together forever and that is so beautiful

[in-ky]

Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster  and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."

[daddynegandesires]

My little runaway pt. 3

(Summary: after returning back to the sacutuary negan leaves on one of his runs only to come back to an unexpected turn of events.)

⚠Warning: strong language, angst, physical fighting, smut⚠

Mature content

3 days later

Its been days since negan has been out on his run youve been helping out around the sanctuary cleaning and cooking for everyone. You have been letting people slide without using their points for food and other activities. The point system always seemed like a dumb idea to you never seemed fair to have people earn points just for things they desperately needed. Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen you heard everyone in the dining hall go silent. You walked around the corner to see everyone on their knees..negan must have arrived you kept yourself hidden in the kitchen knowing you havent been exactly following by his rules since he has been gone. Quietly finishing putting up the dishes you sneak outside around back moments before negan suddenly bursts outside.

"(Y/n)....where are you!!" Negan began pacing around looking for you when he turned the corner to see you leaning up against the wall

"You!..."

Negan charged up to you grabbing you by the throat slamming you against the wall.

"What is with you!?" You said clearly before getting all of the air stuck from entering into you

Negan began to drag you back inside infront of all saviors throwing you on the floor with a loud thump as your body hit the ground.

" i want everyone to see whos in charge here and its me!! Not her..me...im sorry you guys have to witness this the hard way....but you leave me no other choice..rules are rules!" negan gripped lucille tightly raising her above his head

You were sitting on the concrete floor still trying to comprehend everything that is going on and, in a sudden flash you were struck across the arm. A sharp shooting pain bursted throughout my whole body causing me to scream in agony. Blood was rushing down your arm you covered it with your hand feeling it seep between your fingers. You were now laying on the floor crying infront of everyone feeling humiliated while negan stood there with a nasty grin. He began to get ready to strike you again. The bat slashed across your arm again this time harder and more painful feeling of the barbwire sinking into your flesh ripping it off. You tried to protect your face with your hands before he could get another swing in. Blood now splattered all over negan your screams now filled the building of the sanctuary

"Negan stop!" Dwight stepped infront of negan blocking you

Negans eyes grew black as he realized what dwight was doing. He knew he was getting his fair share of punishment too for stepping up.

"She cant take it.....negan she is your bestfriend she is bleeding out you are going to kill her!" Dwight yelled

Realizing what he had just done negan dropped lucille to the ground everything began to feel like it was in slow-motion and, my head was pounding. Negan pushed Dwight out of the way and scooped you up dripping blood all over his white shirt he rushed you to the doctor they had there. Busting in through the door he placed you down on the operating table the last thing you seen was negan staring back at you before everything went black.

*Nightmare*

"Fuck me harder..." You could feel yourself slowly buckling under him.

With every thrust negan was grunting louder his cock filled you up perfectly. The wetness of your pussy making that sexy sound he loved so much. You had almost forgotten that you were fucking in his and lucilles bed...which made you feel like a peice of shit. Lucille was in the hospital dying from cancer and negan said this was a way to help him "cope". I thought otherwise....

"Fuck you are so tight.....your pussy feels so fucking good" negan moaned biting at your neck slamming into your pussy faster.

You began to drag your nails down his back causing him to grunt out in pain he then grabbed you by the throat squeezing untill you let out small moans. He began fucking you faster you couls feel his cock swelling up inside of you getting him closer to the edge of blowing his load. He took his free hand gently rubbing it over your clit. Your moaning grew louder and louder the faster his fingers went.

"Negan.....how could you!" A faint voice called out.....

*end of Nightmare*

You suddenly woke up in a sweaty panic to only realize you were hooked up to IV monitor's. You began to raise yourself up when a sharp pain beamed through your arm causing you to cry out in pain you looked around the room and spotted negan in the chair beside you slumped over fast asleep. Everything that happended slwoly started coming back to you negan humiliating you infront of everyone and, almost killing you with lucille.

"Your up..." Neagn said in a raspy tired tone

You couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him not after what he just did to you he could have killed you!. All you could do was stare at him you didnt even know who you were staring at anymore all you knew is that you had to get out of here nothing will ever change with him. Ever.

Negan rose up from his seat moving over to the bed sitting down by you he raised up his hand to caress your face which caused you to flinch. His face looked full of guilt and sadness he was struggling to keep eye contact with you. You pushed his hand off of you shooting him a dirty look.

"I need you to leave....now" you spoke through gritted teeth turning your face away from him.

"I dont want anything to do with you ever again!!..im done with you..now get out!" A fire grew inside of you, your voice full of rage there was no other choice but to distance yourself from this moster. Negans face twitched at the words that had just came out of your mouth he looked at you one last time before stading up to grab Lucille. It felt like there was a knot in your throat it was hard for you to do this but it had to end this way.

-------------

Its been weeks since me and negan have spoke let alone make eye contact with eachother. Ive been getting along with everyone nicely in the sanctuary even have been going on a few supply runs, not with negan course. My arm was almost fully healed but im left with an eye sore of a scar i have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cant forgive negan for what he did to me he went to far this time i can no longer put my trust in him. My night terrors have been increasingly bad lately i always end up tossing and turning all night. Dwight and i have actually been getting along with eachother and working as a team he has been keeping in touch with rick for me. Dwight isnt so fond of negan anymore either hes been sneaking around behind negans back giving information to Daryl.

I was in my room getting dressed when there was a sudden knock on my door it was dwight.

"Hey...how you doing?" He walked in leaving the door open behind him

"Im okay. Whats up?" I questioned, while sliding a knife into my belt loop

"Im not sure how to say this but we have to go on a run today wit-"

"Okay? Thats fine with me" i cut him off mid scentence while sliding on my leather jacket

"With negan..." He finished.

You took a deep breath in and ruffled your hair with your fingers annoyingly before letting your hands fall on your thighs causing it to make a slapping sound. Dwight stood there staring at the ground nervously waiting for you to respond.

"Okay then..." Letting out a deep sigh as much as you didnt want to be around negan you really didnt have any other choice right now. You and dwight left your room only to bump yourself into negan causing you both to grunt you just pushed right past him not saying anything making your way out to the truck ready to leave. Negan walks outside up to the truck you can hear him faintly whispering to someone. The door flings open and with one swift motion negan plops down in his seat slamming the door shut. You could feel negans eyes on you from the rearview mirror. Dwight hopped in the driver seat and drove off causing for an awkward silence untill we reached our destination.

"I gotcha.." Dwight said holding out his hand to help you out of the truck

All you could do was keep quiet and take the offer dwight was giving, negan as usual was standing there with a cocked smile ready at any moment to say some smartass bullshit. The three of us began to walk off when we came up on a pharmacy the windows were untouched, no broken glass all of the shelves look fully stocked Negan walked in tapping lucille on the counter giving warning to any walkers that could be inside. I followed behind him heading straight over to the medicine filling my bag up. All negan could do was walk around while watching me and dwight stock up on everything we needed.

"This place is a gold mine....untouched" negan said pacing back and forth

You were watching Negan gaze out of the front window of the building when we heard a yell come from the backroom we all quickly ran back there it was a man getting eaten by a walker, ripping his flesh off of his bones peice by peice.

"Put him out of his misery what are you waiting for!!?" You panicked yelling at negan

"Dwight ..." Negan said in a low tone

"You fucking coward!" You quickly pulled your gun out of your pocket pulling the trigger putting a bullet in the poor mans skull

"Wow....fiesty..." Negan said licking his bottom lip

"You fucking disgust me!...you are pathetic!!" You shoved your gun back into your pocket marching up to negan

"Dont excite me now darlin.." He let out a dirty grin slicking his hair back with his free hand

"Im so fucking tired of you...you act like you are the greatest man alive. You are a cheater! And a liar! Thats all you ever will be lucille would of never wanted this!" you screamed in his face before marching back to the truck. Negan and dwight came out to the truck shortly while gathering up the rest of the supplies. All you could do was sit with your arms crossed and a bitchy look on your face. Negan kept glacing at you out of the corner of his eye as if he had to keep watch over you.

When you arrived back at the sanctuary you rushed out of the truck storming off to your room slamming the door shut behind you. You were rumaging through the cabnets hoping to find a bottle of alcohol to calm yourself down with. The thoughts just kept floading through your head the night lucille died...you couldnt get negan cheating on her out of your mind you felt so guily so, disgusted with yourself...you were her bestfriend and you were fucking her husband. Grabbing ahold of the glass filled with dark brown alcohol you popped the lid off bringing it up to your lips. The smell of it almost stinging your nose, swallowing the alcohol it burned your throat a feeling you havent felt inawhile. Tears were streaming down your face as you slide down the wall behind you chugging down your drink. I just want to forget everything...

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ��I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’ 

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family 

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him 

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan! 

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

[exjunkiebaby]

candy - when he OD’d

In rehab we watched the movie “candy”, the one with Heath Ledger and some beautiful white actress that looked like a fairy princess. It was about a couple’s toxic, codependent relationship ft heroin and heron and more heroin.

I found myself hiding tears. When she overdosed in the tub, I was taken back to the scary place that was my exes own overdose on fentanyl. It happened maybe 2 months ago? But it was just like any other day. I had no money for fent, so I texted him and asked if he could cop (knowing he would do it because he was still in love with me). So he grabbed a sack from the city, and I met him in his town. I took the train there.

I arrived feeling dopesick, eager to take a hit. He loaded up the foil in the bathroom, and I smoked. I sighed in relief. I felt better again. I felt so grateful. He was my savior. And I thought, “I may be the death of him.” 

We got drinks (boba). We walked to his mom’s new house. We went to his bedroom. I asked him to put more drugs on the foil. I took hit after hit. He took one hit, and started acting weird. He tried to forcefully grab me and push me on the bed. I shoved him away, telling him he was acting like a fucking weirdo. He didn’t usually act like this.

He took another hit. I told him to stop. I told him, “You’ve only been smoking heroin for a few days. You don’t have the tolerance for this shit.” He rolled his eyes. He always thought whatever I said was wrong. He never really listened. He took another hit. I sat on his bed, staring at the TV. Suddenly, as my ex was standing up, he collapsed on the floor.

He grew pale immediately. His face was white as fucking snow. His blue eyes rolled to the back of his head. I rushed to his aid, my heart was pounding. I had never seen this before - nobody had ever overdosed in front of me. I didn’t know what to do - time moved in slow motion. I grabbed my purse and quickly searched for the narcan I always carried.

He started making gurgling sounds. Weird sounds came from his throat. I thought, “Oh my God, this is the death rattle.” I didn’t know how to use the IV Narcan kit. Nobody had ever really taught me, yet I carried it everywhere I went. I grabbed the needle, plunged it into the tiny bottle of narcan, and sucked it up. I stabbed my ex in the thigh and hit the needle. Nothing happened. He was still on the floor. He was cold. I held him and screamed, “Oh God, oh God! What do I do??”

I loaded up the rig with narcan again. I stabbed him in the thigh, again. Blood trickled. Nothing was happening. He was dying before my eyes and nothing was happening. I loaded up the rig again. I hit his thigh again. Nothing was happening, he was dying before my eyes. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911.

As the phone rang, I loaded up the rig. Stabbed him again. Nothing, “911, what’s your emergency?” I heard a woman speak from my phone. I ignored her, and sucked up the last of the narcan. I stabbed him again. I saw the color return to his face. His face grew pink, then red. His eyes fluttered open. “Um. never mind, everything is okay,” I lied. I hung up.

His mother walked into the room. She found me holding her son as he regained consciousness. I told her, “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”

She was so angry, so upset that she stormed out. My ex was still on the floor. He asked, “What happened?” I said, “You fucking idiot! You stupid fucking idiot! I told you not to smoke! I TOLD YOU. YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

He began to sob. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He wouldn’t stop apologizing. My anger faded, and I began to cry with him. Through my tears, I uttered, “I thought you were dead. I thought I lost you. And it was all my fault.”

He ran to the bathroom. He was probably smoking heroin, because the narcan had eliminated all of the opiates from his body. I sat on his bed, sitting in the stench of my own self-loathing. It was my fault, not his. I asked him for this bag. I gave him false-hope that we would get back together. I manipulated him to get what I wanted, and he almost died in the process. I hated myself. I hate myself. How could I do that to somebody that I loved?

I found the bag of fentanyl that almost killed him and stuffed it in my pocket. I told him I was going to go. I planned to smoke the rest of it, but as I sat on the train home, I lost it along the way. I was beyond angry. I cried because it was gone. But I knew, deep deep deep down, that if there was a God, They were protecting me. They didn’t want me to use alone. They didn’t want me to die. They were protecting me.

Sometimes I think about the lost bag and I get sad. Sometimes I get happy. I think about my almost-dead ex boyfriend and I can’t seem to forgive myself. Seeing him blue, pale, collapsed, eyes rolled back - I can’t get the image out of my head. I was so, so close to attending his funeral. what if I didn’t have narcan? What if I had to actually wait for the ambulance? What if he died in the process? What if his mother watched me kill her son? 

Now I’m in my third rehab. My ex is in his third rehab, too. We’re both in treatment at the same time. For some fucking reason, we’re alive. A month prior to that event, I had also overdosed - but that’s a story for another time. By the grace of fucking God we are here. I don’t know why. But I’m grateful.

I don't want to die I don’t want to die I really don’t want to die

[omegawolverine]

bro i agree sm with ur last post like i love falcon and the winter soldier but making walker sympathetic was probably the worst decision they ever made, along with the other choices, but that’s the one that irritated me the most

u summed up a lot of the problems with the show fantastically (i say a lot instead of all because i’m sure there’s more but u covered most of them so well)

ahh thank you!! yeah there's definetly more but i just wanted to make an offhanded post about me being pissy since i just finished the series lmao

anyways yeah when they started trying to make him sympathetic i was just like. hold. pause. did he not just kill someone when he definetly did not need to? did he not just spend the first half of the series preaching to the two best friends of captain america, a black man and a man who had literally known steve for basically his entire life, about how he would be a "good captain america" only to murder a man in broad daylight in a situation that was 100% preventable had he not interfered with what sam and bucky were doing? did he not, quite literally, talk down to sam and bucky as if they were weaker than him the entire series when both of them are literally stronger than him by at least 10 times in some aspect? like. how do you make that sympathetic? how???

like. it got to the point where i was just kinda like. is this my adhd? is this me spacing out and missing stuff? am i forgetting shit bc im just not invested enough??? but it's like. even if i am, it still doesnt add up, that bitch shouldn't be sympathetic in any way and if you're gonna make a three dimensional character who i sympathize with, you should probably think of doing that before making me think he's basically a cocky, entitled military brat who doesnt think he's racist bc his best friend is black or some shit like. you cant make me sympathize with that!! as a black person with family who has been in the military, i am not gonna sympathize with that at all!! like. idc that you're best friend (who died to give you character development, dear god do the writers not see how many racist tropes they played into writing this series?) died dude like yall wouldnt have been in that situation had you not being a cocky little shit!!

ajsksk like i know i said i was gonna get into it, i know i said i wasnt gonna discourse over this show bc im not invested enough and ive only watched it one time anyways so it's hard to pick apart but it's like. right off the bat, this show rubbed me the wrong way bc why is disney of all companies trying to give me a "racism bad!11!1!!" plot line? why is disney trying to give me a "and here's the struggles of a black man in america" (which also are like. the struggles of a privileged black man, specifically. had sam not been the falcon in that cop scene, he probably wouldve been dead or in jail at the very least) story as if they havent literally made multiple racist scenes in their movies before? like. sorry disney but you quite literally make white savior characters in every goddamn movie, why would i want this from you. especially when you're then gonna fuck it up by killing multiple poc characters, sympathizing with wonder bread walker, and literally writing racist tropes into your story about how racism affects black people.

(also the way they wrote bucky into this story pissed me off bc it's like. if you're trying to convince me he isnt racist, why would you make him have the lamest excuse ever for hiding a black super soldier. why would you have him be literally the least helpful mfer in that confrontation with the cops. "just give them your ID" okay cracker)

anyways. sorry for the long rant, i didnt realize how long i was going on for til I had this but hopefully you dont mind (and I'm so sorry if you do ajsksk) but that show was just. Not It for me and i think disney should go back to writing stories without racism as a plot point until they can learn how to not sympathize with every white man under the goddamn sun, no matter what his crime.

[oxhaven]

Kalon IV - WayV vampire!au

1. 2. 3. 4. 

Air. 

You needed air, but you couldn’t find it, not here in this endless darkness. The ghostly fingers around your neck added no pressure but they seemed to feel like the reason you weren’t getting enough air. Your cries were silent, useless even with no one around to hear you. Your clawing at the hand was futile, even when you were begging silently to be released. Feelings you recognized all too closely were washing over. Doubt, shame, hatred for yourself. Just when you were ready to give up, let the monster have you, she whispered quietly into your ear. 

“Give it back.”

The breath of air felt choked in your throat when you finally forced yourself awake, tears stinging at your eyes as you tossed around in the bed. You sat up and slapped your hands on your face, still feeling the light trembles wash over your body as you pleaded yourself to calm down. You reminded yourself you were in your safe haven, your silent candlelit room with no one but you. You needed a moment to gather your bearings, shake away the haunting dream out of your mind of the woman you didn’t know but you felt so closely related to. These dreams had been haunting you ever since you had arrived at the palace, unexplained and terrifying that left you without a good night’s rest.  

You licked your lips and reached to the side, swinging your hand around until you finally spared a glance only to furrow your eyebrows. Usually there was a glass of water beside your bed but nothing was to be seen on the nightstand. Your mind instantly went to Ten, realizing he was always the person to make sure you had something to drink beside your bed when you rested. The thought of him followed with everything that happened last night, the party and the knights who were sworn to you. You had so much to think about along with the ritual coming up, so much that you were still in the dark about. It all leads you back to Ten, leading you back to the feeling of his arms and wanting to rest your head against his chest. Wanting him to whisper sweet nothings into your ear just to calm your fearful heart. You felt utterly alone here in all of this, so much that you no longer questioned why you put your trust and faith into a vampire. 

You decided to set out for Ten, wherever he might be as you flipped your covers off of your body. You had slipped into a nightgown after struggling with getting your dress off yourself, the wind much cooler on your thin piece as you grabbed a robe and stepped into your slippers. A glimpse at the clock made you realize you hadn’t been asleep that long, seeing as the party was probably still going or just ending. The clock on the wall beside your door read 3am, and as much as you thought it was probably too late it was most likely a perfect time for vamps to be up.  

You opened the creaky door as carefully as you could, gritting your teeth on your way out into the hallway. You lightly dragged your feet with hurried steps down the hall, searching for where your knight may be. You couldn’t help but take a look around the huge expanse of your new home, the dark interior setting a lonely feeling in your heart that you knew you would have to accept. You couldn’t help but wonder about all the people, your knights and your ancestor spent all these centuries in this huge mansion. As if they were hiding themselves away. 

You caught two maids coming out of a room, quickly bowing to you as you bowed back and hesitantly asked, “Where’s Ten?”

They pointed down the hall straight ahead as you turned your head in the direction, eyeing a dim, crackling light from a room on the end. You thanked them quickly before hurrying that way, excitement beating at your heart as you bit down on your bottom lip. The tiny smile pulling at your cheeks to raise up slowly came down, catching the unfamiliar sound of tearing and growls.

The closer you got to the room you realized there was more than one person inside, and for a moment you thought it would be better to turn around. If it wasn’t for the thoughts of Ten occupying your mind, you probably would have listened to yourself the first time before you put your hand on the doorknob. You took a deep breath in, pushing the wooden door open before allowing your hand to come back to your robe and clutch the soft material in your palm as you got a good look inside the room.

It honestly didn’t register at first. The first thought that popped to your mind was ‘oh, this is a red room.’ It was splattered on the walls in a way that looked as if the painters weren’t done painting them. The liquid seemed to still be sliding down, joining in the thick puddle that you thought to just be the color of the floor. But honestly you couldn’t tell with all the bodies toppled over it. 

Some of them were still alive, quiet pleas to be spared and asking for a savior. You caught sight of the arm reaching out until another one joined it’s hands, watching teeth sink into the wrist as if it was taking a bite. You managed to get a gasp in, allowing air to fill your lungs as the scent of death drowned your sense of smell. Your eyes darted around recognizing the red eyes, differentiating the vampires from the humans on the floor. You watched pieces of limbs drop to the floor, not knowing if the owner was watching them eat their body parts alive. It didn’t take long before you found yourself hyperventilating, wide eyes still managing to search for your saving grace. Your eyes stopped dead when you found him, the look in his eyes matching your own as you quickly got the glimpse of red change to brown. His shirt was open, body marred in scratch marks and blood that you couldn’t take the thought of to be his own or someone else’s. You didn’t want to believe that you were really looking at him, in this room, feasting on a mound of humans.    

“Keira.”

You blinked, taking a couple more to make sure you weren’t dreaming. His steps towards you made you take a couple back, a slow shake of your head as you mouthed your denial. You took a moment before glancing down, turning your head to look down the path you took to get here. 

You hadn’t noticed that since you had come down this hallway, you had been walking in blood. 

“Keira, please wait-”

You didn’t get to hear the rest of Ten’s pleas, running back down the hall from which you came. Your face was hot with tears, a new type of fear eating its way into your heart as you tried to run away from a truth you weren’t ready to face. You begged yourself to keep together, your tears drowning your vision as a small noise close to a whine escaped your throat. 

You screamed out when you collided into what you assumed to be another body, the strong grip of arms holding you close as hushes calmed your noises. You quivered in the unfamiliar arms until you peered up, surprise written in your orbs as Kun stared down at you with intense worry. 

“Keira. Are you alright?” 

Hics and sobs was all you could manage to get out, thanking him in your head that was all he needed to understand. He tightened his hold on you before you found yourself in your room not even a second later. A gush of air had you gasping, fingers clutching onto his shirt as you turned your head around to confirm your surroundings. You finally released him when he called your name again, a sob building up in your throat again as your legs gave out and you dropped to the floor. He was right there with you, pulling you into his arms and whispering your name with sadness in his tone, making you break even more. Hurt and betrayal were the only words you could come up with, along with settling disappointment in yourself for ever thinking that you could accept a life with vampires. Reality was hitting you in the face that this wasn’t something you wanted, disguising the idea of living in peace as opposed to being a prisoner. 

“Keira.” 

You turned to the sound of his voice like it was instinct, still wanting to believe in the one person you trusted overall. Thankfully he was in a new set of clothes, the image of blood splattered over his body no longer there but forever imprinted in your head. You swallowed back the thick moisture in your throat, wiping your nose with the back of your hand as you used Kun as support to stand up. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, the look of desperation on Ten’s face broke your heart even more.

“Keira, please give me a chance to explain. I-”

You didn’t give him the chance, your quiet and hoarse voice speaking aloud, “You were eating people.” He stayed silent, frozen in his spot like a sad puppy not wanting to move, but begging to come be loved by his owner. You took a shaky breath in before finding the words to continue, “It was so scary...so...monstrous. You had them all on top of each other like a stack of livestock. Humans, like me.” 

Ten shook his head, face scrunching with denial. “Keira I know it looks absolutely terrible now, but you have to understand this is the way we feed-”

“Cannibalism.” 

You cut him off once again, your voice shaking with every syllable before you were breaking into sobs again. “It’s-” you didn’t have the words to properly explain what you saw, and neither did you have it in you at the moment to explain to Ten how you felt. How torn you were from wanting to be in his arms when you were so deathly afraid of him in this moment. 

Ten was having an even harder time watching you break in front of him, over actions he couldn’t hide from you in time. “No, I-” 

“You should have known she wasn’t going to have the stomach to watch you feed that way.”

His eyes turned to bore into Kun’s, quickly switching into red, angry orbs. Anger built up so quickly in Ten at the sight of the first knight with you, in the spot that was registered for him. His claws itched to come out, the new profound strength wanting to be released after a heavy feeding. “Shut, the fuck up, Kun.”

The expression on Kun’s face didn’t change, but it carefully matched Ten’s energy as he took an unhesitant step forward. “You don’t get to silence me, general. When you fuck up and hurt her, I’ll be the one to take her away from it. That was the deal.” 

“Please leave.” 

Red pairs of eyes turned to you, the looks of anger changing to that of sympathy as the vampires in front of you were the ones at your mercy. You took a couple steps back until you were falling onto the edge of your bed, finding comfort in the leverage holding you together as you pleaded, “The both of you.”

“Keira.” Ten began, reaching out for you until you were pushing yourself back onto the mattress and folding your legs to your chest.  

“I want to be alone right now.” you begged quietly. “Just for right now.”

It was a long silent pause between the three of you, neither of the vampires wanting to leave your side. Even without the influence they were bound to listen to you, accepting their command no matter how much it hurt. 

“Okay. I’ll come back later. I’ll be right down the hall from you.” Ten offered, sweet care dripping in his voice as he spared a shaky smile and hopeful eyes. He was the first to leave before Kun followed behind, sparing you one last glance. 

“Remember, just one whisper away.” 

You nodded your head, staring into the eyes of your first knight. He didn’t hold up a second more, closing your door behind him and allowing you to break down all by yourself in the lonely room.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19

Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.

Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that.  (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)

Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.

Okay, going in completely blind.  I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?

Yep.  Okay, what is this about exactly?

(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)

> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?

CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.

Which one???

Wait

JANE: (Where is he?) JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)

Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row???  So we might see her right away??  No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.

(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before?  Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)

So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave.  --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?

> (==>)

JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?) JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?) JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...) JANE: (The...) JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)

What?  Is she reading a childrens’ book?  --Oh.  She’s eulogizing Gamzee.  So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person.  (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)

> (==>)

Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.

That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point.  Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup???  --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side.  That would make sense.  You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.

JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.) JANE: (What else?) JANE: (Hrm...) JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)

Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much?  Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again?  Or did you just cry yourself out about him?

JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--

...There, killed the entry for it.  ...Huh.  Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:

Caliborn Eridan Kanaya Matriorb Meenah Tavros alchemiter dichotomic nephilim reblogged uncaptchalogues uncaptchaloguing

That’s fun.

Okay back to reading. Millennia.  Phew!  Where was I.

JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.) JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.) JANE: (And I can't risk that.)

So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.

JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?) JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?) JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)

WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!

JAKE: Ahoy over there!

Not the best time.

(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here?  Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)

JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along. JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being. JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later. JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.

(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense?  And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)

> (==>)

Butte

Janepalme

> (==>)

JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?

Gah.  I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them.  That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.

JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.

Hah!

--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way.  You asshole.

JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture. DIRK: Jesus christ. JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence. JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead? JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?

I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.

JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts. JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless. JAKE: Im not sure i understand. JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it. JANE: This is politics, Jakey. JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get. JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.

Mm.  It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.

JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.

Got it.

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

Wait, bowl?

Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL.  Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.

> (==>)

Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something.  And a black tail?  This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe.  Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress.  Formal wear and soccer cleats??

JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN.  I don’t see anything over her mouth!  Did she stick something in it, or drug her?  File her fucking teeth???

I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair.  Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.

> (==>)

JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry. JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha. JAKE: ... JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese? JAKE: ... JAKE: Well, JAKE: Bon appetit.

How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then?  --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember.  Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade?  I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.

Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...

> (==>)

DIRK: Bon appetit. DIRK: Seriously dude? JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?) DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???) JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)

Ah, missed the bone pun.  AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.

JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.) JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)

Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.

> (==>)

Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?

Or anger-inducing?

> (==>)

Seems about right!

> (==>)

Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.

JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.

I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl.  How can you hate a kid so much??

> (==>)

Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK.  Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like.  Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts?  Nice change of pace.

YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR... JANE: Oh no you don't.

Red text?  What color exactly... “#D00009”?  Huh.  That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707.  In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago...  no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color.  (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out?  That’s a pretty slack chain then.)

Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?

(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)

> (==>)

FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image!  FUCK YOU, Jane.

> (==>)

Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power.  Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.

> (==>)

FUCK, those little buck teeth!?  D’:

JANE: That's more like it.

She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right?  Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?

> (==>)

Hey fuck off with that!

> (==>)

This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear?  I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over. JANE: Do I make myself understood?

What the fuck?  WHY would you do that?  Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”?  What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?

I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.

> (==>)

JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?

Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh?  Classy much?

> (==>)

JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear. JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.

For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.

> (==>)

JANE: Night night. JANE: Hoo hoo.

> (Yiffy: Lights out.)

Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*

Okay, dark background all of a sudden.  Properly dramatic?  You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.

> (==>)

-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --

Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative.  Of like, a mood, or something.

TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there. TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet! AG: Lol. AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep. AG: I know how he feels. TG: yeah. TG: today was a lot. AG: ... TG: do you wanna talk about it? AG: Ugh, not you as well.

It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?

> (==>)

Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.

GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,, GG: Not even for a slumber party,,, AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.

Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now.  From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring.  I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?

> (==>)

TG: nothing about my dad is cute. TG: what are you even saying. AG: Lmao. TG: seriously! TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it. AG: He's a strange and funny m8n. TG: yeah. TG: ... TG: i think something bad must have happened.

...um.  What?  Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?

Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again???  Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping.  I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though.  Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads.  (But still June.  Definitely still want to get June.)

> (==>)

Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course.  (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)

AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it! AG: That made me madder than 8nything else. AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad! GG: I dont think thats true,,, AG: What would you know a8out it?! GG: Maybe nothing,,, GG: Sorry,,, GG: Its just,,, GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,, AG: ... AG: Adults are so fucking weird.

Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.

Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty?  We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence.  (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)

> (==>)

TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms. TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.

[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit.  And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.

TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see. TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on. TG: almost like she couldn't bear to. AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone. TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever. TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.

Yep, giving them some space to grieve.  Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her?  Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion.  Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.

AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TG: vrissy?

Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?

Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:

glutinousGymnast [GG]

HHHHHhhhhuh.  Hm... huh? hhhh.  huh?  what, but.  Why would.  ?????

I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.

Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.

> (==>)

GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,, GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,, TG: hehe. TG: i guess that tracks. TG: she does that from time to time.

That’s... strange.  Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.

TG: ... TG: tav? GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,? TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?

Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?)  Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave?  Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe?  Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?

...alright, that’s the last page of this update.  Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.

---

Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed.  For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it?  Or skimming it?  But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that.  Weird.  Must have imagined doing it.

Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.

Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here.  About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.

We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.

Really?  That was speculated about?  :/

Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.

Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.

A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything. 

This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side.  To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls TEREZI: WH4T? ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise ROXY: some of it is like ROXY: weird and violent?? ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um ROXY: nudity???? TEREZI: >:? ROXY: yeah yikes ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.

Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers.  Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up.  Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.

He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character. 

:p

I’ll quote this next part in full:

There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out. 

Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy.  --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?

Also quoting this:

There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?

But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?

Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.

I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid...  but I think we can make an exception here?  I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half.  Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.

Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria? 

And I’m...

Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight.  BUSY day I had.  Y’all take care!

[sherrybaby14]

The Option IV

This is a Dark!Bucky x Naïve!Reader story.  It contains questionable consent.

Warnings:  This is a Dark/rape/noncon story.  Please do not read if that offends you.  

Chapter warnings:  SMUT!  (I’m not going to lie, I don’t know how I would classify this...it’s not really dubcon, but maybe could be interpreted that way. To me it's sorta fluffy.)  Loss of virginity.  

Words:  3500

Summary:  You deal with the aftermath of your decision to flee into a snowstorm.  

You lifted your feet as fast as you could, the too large boots and the deep snow stopping you from sprinting.  Your speed didn’t matter, you could’ve been traveling by jet and the thing chasing you would still catch up, beating at the barrier you had built in your mind.  

“No, no, no, no.”  You tried to think of anything, but the door started to splinter, the heavy thoughts pounding away.  “Please stop!”  

It wasn’t an accident.  That was the first one that steeped in.  

“Mistake.”  You couldn’t hear your own voice over the howl of the wind.  

Why did you trust Alice?  She was some stranger, but you told her how alone you were in the first minute of meeting her.  And then you took that drink?  

You collapsed in the snow on to your knees, the cold liquid seeping right into your pants.  The dam broke down at the same time you did.  

The look of pity on that woman’s face, the way she didn’t understand you, how nobody paid you any attention at the market.  They knew.  They knew what you had been so in denial about.  It was a setup.  

If the train stop was not nearby how would anyone find you?  Alice probably got off the train with all your possessions.  Nobody would notice you were even missing.  Except for your Uncle.  There was still some hope there.  

But he barely knew you.  Would he assume you ran off to enjoy Europe on your own?  Would anyone believe him that you were abducted?  If this country was really as lawless as Bucky said there was no chance of him finding you here.  

Bucky.    

“Oh no.”  The one person who was kind to you, who took care of you, who helped you.  And you had been so selfish you sprinted away from him while he was in the throes of a nightmare. He didn’t deserve this and you didn’t deserve him.  “I’m coming back.”  

You put your hands on the wet snow and pushed yourself back up, spinning around in the darkness.  You could follow your footprints back to the house and wake him, end his suffering, help him how he helped you.  

Your eyes glanced down and snow smacked into them.  Blinking several times you looked up in the darkness.  The storm howled and the snow felt like it was coming from every direction.  You took a step forward and the icy whiteness filled your too big boot, almost burning against your skin.  

How could you be this stupid?  You couldn’t focus on that right now.  It was not the time to despair.  The house couldn’t be that far.  

You walked forward, but the wind blew faster.  There was no chance of seeing your old path.  You were going into this blind.    The snow blasted your face, there was no escaping it even if you kept your eyes down.  

You tried to pull up the coat and cover your face, but it gave little protection.  Your hands were fists inside the coat too, since you had no gloves.  Everything in front of you was a mix of black and white.  The night and the weather working together against you.  

Each step you took filled your boot with snow.  Running out of the house like this may have been dumber than taking that drink on the train.  Visions of freezing to death made your blood run cold and you tried to double your steps, no way of knowing if you were going closer or further to the house.  

The speed was a mistake and pure snow hit your foot.

“EEEEEE!”  You shrieked into the wind as the cold hit your tender skin.  

You had stepped out of the boot.  Trying to keep your leg in the air you spun to dig it out of the snow, but you twisted your other ankle in the process and toppled over.  

“AHHH!”  You screamed before your cheek smashed against the white powder.  

There was no holding back the sobs as you tried to sit up.  You were lost.  Literally and figuratively.  The warm tears vanished as soon as they fell, replaced by cold flakes.  You would not survive this.  

That didn’t mean you were ready to lay down and die. There was still some hope, and you would fight until the end.  You dipped your bare hands into the snow further and tried to feel around for the missing boot.  

Your fingers found it and you yanked it out of the snow.  With cupped hands you tried to scoop the ice away, wondering if the boot was so wet it would be worse than walking.  Deciding anything was better than bare feet you spun back around, bracing yourself for how awful slipping on the shoe would feel.  

Before you got the chance you were hoisted in the air.  Your breath caught in your throat as Bucky tossed you over his shoulder like you weighed nothing.  

Another sob racked through you as your head hung down his back, shielded enough to feel the warmth of the tear on your skin.  

The snow seemed to pose no threat to the man as he took large steps with direction.  There was no chance he was lost.  He was your savior…again.  Three times now.  

“Thank you,” you whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear you over the wind. “Thank you.”  

You were alive only because of this man and you swore to yourself that he would understand how grateful you were.  You were willing to do anything to prove it.  

~~~  

The blizzard was so strong you didn’t see the house come into view.  It didn’t cross your mind you were back until Bucky yanked open the door and the snow stopped smacking into you.  

The lack of white and wind left you with nothing to focus on but your chattering teeth as the cold soaked into your bones.  Bucky didn’t set you down, instead, he continued his long strides until you were in the living room.  

“I’m….”. You didn’t get the word ‘sorry’ out before he set you on your feet.  

“Take. Off. Your. Clothes.”  In the darkness, it was impossible to see his face.  

“I’m…” You didn’t get to say ‘not wearing any underwear’ before he interrupted you.  

“NOW!”  The power of his voice made your eyes well with tears but took away all hesitation.  

With numb shaky fingers, you pulled off the coat as fast as you could. Then you ripped the wet shirt over your head, your hair feeling like icicles.  You stepped out of the boot and pushed down the pants.  

He paid you no attention as he went to the fireplace and tossed some logs inside.  You’d never been naked in front of anyone, but were already feeling guilt and shame from running away and leaving him.  

The fire roared to life and Bucky turned and walked away.  For a few seconds, you got a look at his face.  Even though it was brief you saw the anger.  

“I’m sorry.”  It came out with a whimper.  

The warmth of the fire felt amazing and you put your hands toward the flames, any minor embarrassment over your nudity vanishing.  

There was a rustle behind you, but you didn’t turn to look.  Would he forgive you?  What if he threw you out? Where would you go? Tears started to fall.  

Something soft touched your shoulders.  Bucky had covered you with a blanket.  You shut your eyes, your drops burning your skin as the dripped down your cheek.  You really did not deserve this.  

“You could have died.”  Bucky appeared next to you, holding his hands to the flames. “Is that what you want?”  

“No.” You sniffled and glanced over at him.  

In the firelight, you saw his bare chest, a similar blanket over his shoulders.  He was just as cold as you were, and probably just as naked.  

“I said I’d take care of you Peach.”  Bucky’s glanced over at you with slanted eyes. “But you’re making that pretty fucking hard.”  

“I…I got scared.” You gulped.  “It won’t happen again.”  

“Of me?”  He turned toward you, unable to hide the hurt in his voice.  

“No.” You twisted toward him, pulling the blanket around yourself.  

His eyes scanned your face, probably trying to tell if you were lying or not.  Honestly, you weren’t certain yourself. Everything was so confusing, but one thing was certain.  You were grateful for this man. You remembered your promise to prove it.  

Before you had a chance to think of a way to express your gratitude Bucky spoke.  

“What you did tonight; running out there in a storm.”  He clenched his jaw. “You’ve been a bad girl.”  

You dropped your gaze to the floor as you recoiled at his words.  A renewed sense of shame coming from your heart.  A cold hand was on your chin, tilting your head back up.  

Bucky was inches from your face as he moved closer.  

“I am going to keep you safe.”  Your feet started backing away as he grew nearer. “Even if that means protecting you from yourself.”  

The firelight dancing across his face made him look feral.  Your back hit the wall and Bucky kept walking until his face was centimeters from yours.  He paused his chest heavy with breath and fingers holding your chin in place.  

His words and actions were too much to process.  Bad girl.  The phrase was still gut-wrenching.  You had to apologize.  Again and again, until he believed you.  

You parted your lips to speak the words but before they left your mouth Bucky wooshed down.  His lips pressed to yours.  

“EMMF!”  You popped your eyes open in surprise.  

Bucky let out a grunt and pushed down harder, forcing your lips against your teeth.  You opened your jaw wider, scared you were going to bleed, but the movement gave Bucky the perfect opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth and he took it.  

His kiss was as demanding as he was, his tongue rolling against yours. Demanding it come to life and respond.  

Your head was swimming too much to even attempt to take over so your body did what it was told and you returned his kiss.  

Bucky let out a groan of approval and for a moment you felt like you were melting along with the snow still caked in your hair.  

He moved closer, positioning himself so his leg was between yours.  His thigh pushed against your pussy, the only barrier between the two of you was the blanket.  The movement brought you back to reality.  

What were you doing?  Kissing a stranger?  Being naked in front of him?  You brought your hands to his chest to push him away, but once they touched his skin you couldn’t bring yourself to shove.  

Bucky popped his thigh up, creating friction before lowering it down.  The action made you gasp into his mouth, but he never stopped kissing you.  

His fingers disappeared from your chin and he grabbed your wrists, one in each hand.  He brought them above your head and went flush with your body, lifting you up in the process.  

You were practically dangling in front of him, forced to put your weight on his thigh, which he kept sliding up and down slowly.  The blanket fell from your shoulders, exposing your breasts.  If his leg wasn’t pining it to your body you would’ve been totally bare for the man.  

This was wrong.  You didn’t know what you were doing.  But he was so powerful.  Even if you tried to break away would he let you?  But more importantly, did you want to?  

Bucky pushed your hands together and transferred them into his metal hand. He traced his right one down your side until he came to your hip.  He gripped you, digging his fingers in to keep you still.  

It made you cry out, but he ignored your protest and continued to kiss you.  He held you still against the wall, working his thigh against your pussy, making you focus on the sensations developing.  

The stillness made you realize you had been moving, riding him.  But now with you pinned he was in complete control.  The realization made the act even hotter.  What was wrong with you?  

Before you could answer the question he picked up speed.  Pressing down on your clit as he rocked his thigh against you.  His chest barely grazing your nipples as his body moved.  

Why did this feel so good?  You tried to rock your hips against him only to have him grunt and dig his fingers harder into your hip.  

He was in control.  You needed to remember that.  But his leg was starting to build pressure inside of you.  One that you desperately wanted to release.  Your body started to shake as you grew closer.  

Bucky’s tongue continued to work against yours, but you weren’t sure if you were responding anymore.  The only thing you could think of was the orgasm you were chasing.  

Orgasm.  That was it.  This was the first time anyone other than you would draw one from your body.  The concept made it that much more desirable.  You were tired of being alone.  You’d be so alone for so long.  

Before you could focus on that line of thought Bucky’s leg picked up speed and you moaned.  He pulled his mouth away and pressed his forehead to yours.  

Your lips were raw and pulsing from his rough treatment, but you wanted his lips back and found yourself trying to lean your mouth back to his.  

“Cum.  Cum for me Peach.”  

Your eyes moved from his lips to his blues.  They were focused on you with deep intensity.  

“NOW.”  He said the word as he pressed his thigh against you hard.  

The explosion happened immediately and you moaned as your body fell forward.  Pleasure flooded your every nerve as your toes curled.  It felt like you were floating and in a way, you were since your feet did not touch the floor.  

“Good girl,”  Bucky growled.        

His praise sent another wave of tingles through your body.  You were his good girl again.  That made you almost as happy as the orgasm.  Why?  

The thought vanished as his hands left your body and you actually fell.  Instead of slamming into Bucky’s chest he moved to the side and caught you, turning you around as he cradled you in his arms, both blankets falling to the floor.  

His eyes bore into yours, but you were still trying to catch your breath from the orgasm to form a coherent thought.  

He dropped down to his knees and started to lay you down.  Soft cushions hit your back and you turned your head to see they were on the floor behind you.  Bucky’s arms dipped away and he positioned himself on top of you.  

It dawned on you what was about to happen and your blood pressure flared.  You brought your hands to his chest and shook your head.  

“Wait.”  

His eyes didn’t leave yours, the flame danced over his face and your head started to swim again.  He was beautiful and so kind.  What were you scared of?  

“I’ll never hurt you Peach.”  He dipped his head and pressed his lips to yours.  

The words relaxed you and his hard kisses turned soft and he licked your lips, asking for an invitation inside.  You parted them and spread your legs, bending your knees.  

His hand was between your body and you felt the tip of his cock run up your slit.  The previous orgasm has left you soaked and his velvet head gathered some of your juices.  He positioned himself at your entrance.  

This was it.  Stop.  You should say the word, but you couldn’t bring yourself to break the kiss.  This was what Bucky wanted and didn’t he deserve it?  Were you his reward?  

His hips flexed down and the warmth of the fire felt nothing like the burn in your pussy as he entered you.  

The kiss was no longer an option as your through your head back and winced, gripping his shoulders as you bit back a scream.  You heard the first time hurt, but your hips tried to move back as he sunk deeper inside of you, opening you more than you ever thought possible.  

“Are you a virgin?” Bucky’s fingers ran down your cheek as he stilled.  

You nodded your head and tried to straighten out your body.   You expected him to pull out.  Be disgusted with your lack of experience.  

Instead, his eyes flashed with hunger and his brow deepened.  He stared right at you as he continued his descent, splitting you.  

Your lip trembled as the pain returned.    

“It will pass.”  Bucky gave you a light kiss.  “It will pass Peach.  Then you will be all mine.”  

Your body responded to his words, and it felt like you relaxed.  As if your pussy was begging to be filled by him.  

“That’s it.”  Bucky kissed you again.  “What a good girl you are.  My Peach.”  

You stopped biting your lip since his comment drew a moan from you.  There was nothing but possessiveness on his face as he slid deeper inside of you.  

Your arms were shaking as your chest heaved with deep breaths.  Then you felt his pelvic bone press against you.  He was sheathed.    

“All mine.”  Bucky pushed his tongue between your lips.  

He didn’t move his cock and soon the pain turned into a dull ache as he kissed you.  His mouth started to demand a response and you found yourself returning his kiss.  

It was deep and passion filled as he ran one of his arms down your side.  His tongue probed you and you welcomed it, but soon it wasn’t enough.  You tried to wiggle your hips underneath him, wanting some form of friction.  

Bucky flexed his hips and you moaned.  Then he pulled out slightly before sliding back into you with ease.  There was no hint of pain.  

He continued, sliding in and out of you at a slow pace leaving a little more with each motion.  The heat from him and the fire caused sweat to form over your entire body.  

You started lifting your hips to meet him and each time he withdrew you whimpered eagerly awaiting his swift return.    

The pace was too slow.  You needed more.  His cock was bringing every nerve in your body to life, making them all dance of edge.  You’d never felt more alive in your life than at this moment.  It was like giving in to animalistic nature.  

Nothing mattered, but him.  Everything was on fire and Bucky was the water that could put it out.  Your nerves flared and you could no longer kiss him, incapable of controlling anything you let your head fall back.  

The slowness you were imaging was gone.  Bucky was bumping into you at a quick pace that he’d increased so gradually you hadn’t even noticed.  

“My Peach.”  Bucky fucked into you. “Mine.”  

The cliff of your orgasm approached and you flung yourself forward.  Your vision went white and hearing blank as you dug your nails into his shoulder.  All of your senses blurred into one and you could not tell if you were screaming and you did not care if you were or not.  

“Ugh.” Bucky bottomed out inside of you.  

His cock seized inside of you and he collapsed.  His body as sticky with sweat as yours was.   Both of you were gasping for breath.  

Safe.  That was all you could think of before exhaustion drew you in.  You were safe with Bucky.  

A/N:  Thank you so much for reading!  Comments/Likes/Reblogs are appreciated more than you realize! Muah!  

[bitchynaruto]

Hey, not exactly related to ur fic maybe but I saw ur post about naruto being obsessed with sasuke as a manifestation of his trauma( I saw it the same way too). Do u then think it's like a character flaw that is never actually addressed? Like later on obvio he gets a broader justification as in Indra/Ashura reconciliation being imperative to world peace but if we take out the sog6 path folklore it becomes a repurcussion of his emotional issues. In that light what do u think if a fic where (1/2)

he learns that to "let go" would be a healthier alternative to his growth? In that light him being rewarded w what he wants(sasuke acknowledging him)leaves his issues unaddressed? This is a naruto centric ask like mostly abt his saviour complex/emotional codependency/acknowledgement complex if he isn't a messiah( if u take away the mythological folkore). Sorry if it comes across as stupid if u don't want to answer u can ugnore it( end).

thats a good question because its one that ive been rolling around in my brain, bc in the fuck konoha series i havent like fully comitted to them being reincarnated (even tho i love that trope lol). BUT ITS DEF NOT BORING TO ME AT ALL LOL. i mean part of the reason i started fuck konoha series is because of his unacknowledged flaws along with becoming a bootlicker 

anyway, the short of this answer is i definitely think naruto’s savior/acknowledgement complex and his codependency for sasuke are flaws that are masked as positive traits in the writing! this is one of those situations where the author’s intent/background is imperative to why these choices were made and the direction of the storytelling went the way it did.

my naruto essay is under the cut for further rambling on this subject cause idk how to shut up:

with a well rounded character , a character’s traits can easily be a positive or a negative. for example, naruto’s loyalty is considered generally positive, but the loyalty to the village is less admirable and more negative, considering we know how shitty the village is. his want to save sasuke is noble, until it gets to the point where he’s allowing himself to be a martyr, offering himself to be beat up by karui and sasuke bc hes the only one who can bear the pain and hatred of those two respectively. its the same with sasuke too, his determination is admirable because we can see his hard work, whether it be training or saving a comrade, but it becomes negative when it turns into tunnel vision and he doesnt care who he hurts in the aspect of his goal. its what i love about them, how their flaws and positive traits are really from the same source 

so in canon naruto’s issues regarding the big three as you said, his saviour complex/emotional codependency/acknowledgement complex, is addressed but in the terms of the narrative... it is actually considered positive traits of his. it’s why they’re briefly addressed following the pein invasion, but when it comes to a head at the waterfall of truth scene... naruto swallows it down and instead chooses to consider these things as what the village admires and expects of him.

the positive traits of a hero for konoha AND for naruto and co.:

the village is your home. protect the village over your own blood, bonds, and everything else.

not following the rules makes you scum, but abandoning your friends are worse than scum.

conforming to the village despite its atrocities > rebelling against the village

(abandoning friends is what will lead you into danzo territory, the other 2 is what lands sasuke in villain territory)

but that’s where kishi writes himself into an oxymoron with his themes, and why naruto’s character takes a turn for the worse after the waterfall of truth.

now his choice to continue being the village’s savior is in his own way of ‘letting go’ of all the pain and resentment and hatred he has for the village is seen as a positive trait and positive action, especially when you compare sasuke’s want vengeance and retribution for his clan. sasuke’s set up to be the antagonist, the opposite of naruto. if sasuke hates, naruto forgives. where sasuke refuses to forget, naruto insists on him AND sasuke ignoring their pain for the sake of the village (i.e. the greater good). 

the thing is... at a narrative standpoint, i understand why naruto makes this choice. its not really surprising. honestly narutos choice of swallowing his anger for the sake of the village or rejecting the village and following a path more similar to sasuke had both been set up in regards to kishi’s writing

to anyone with a brain and who isnt a nationalist, we actually see narutos choices as kinda horrific and impeding on his mental health. we see these as flaws, naturally. but to kishi, naruto’s choice is the ultimate one of sacrifice and heroism. turning the other cheek. it’s why sasuke’s redemption includes him allowing for naruto, kakashi, and the rest of the konoha to bury the truth of the uchiha massacre, for the sake of the village. a parallel to naruto accepting what the village has done to him for the sake of the village.

naruto is the hero, so he must forgive. sasuke is the villain, so he wants revenge. where sasuke cuts off bonds, naruto chases after him at the expense of himself. sasuke, according to the series, is selfish, whereas naruto is selfless. ultimately as a protagonist, naruto is given a choice between saving the village and saving sasuke. kishi lets naruto get out of that choice by allowing him to choose the village and sasuke

(which, ultimately, is seen as good. considering sasuke’s the ‘villain’, hes the one whos going to suffer from this decision i.e. no justice for his clan, not naruto, who gets to become hokage and have his best friend back)

so kishi’s plan is just to ignore the acknowledgement issues as a flaw and instead of like... growing past the need for acknowledgement, he gives naruto the acknowledgement from the villagers as a reward for his heroism. instead of dealing with the savior complex, he writes naruto as a messiah, so of course hes going to be self sacrificing for the sake of others! instead of dealing with narutos codependency and how  that negatively affects not only him, but sasuke (not in the way most sasuke stans say, i.e. not thinking of sasuke as a person. wanting to control him, etc. but in the way of.. sasuke give up your anger like me and return to the village, lets move on together), sasuke gives into the forgetting and forgiving aspect naruto falls into in the waterfall of truth. 

anyway tldr; to answer your question i definitely think these are flaws that are never addressed but instead are disguised as narutos positive aspects in regards to the narrative and direction kishi went in. allowing naruto to grow past these would’ve made a more compelling and less depressing arc than the one we got. but ultimately it falls into kishis themes of the village > everything

[mrsbhandari]

Hiya! First off, I just wanted to say that your fics are amazing! I love reading them so much, which I why I also decided to start writing fics for choices!! I was wondering if maybe you had any writing tips?

Bonjour! This ask actually made me get super teary eyed, you’re just so sweet!! I’m so happy you like my stuff, and i’m so happy that you’ve started writing too!!!! It’s always exciting and nervewracking to get into fanfiction because you get to write super amazing stuff and post it!! I can’t wait to read anything you put out. As for tipsssss uhhhhhhhhhh 

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Writing is something that is so subjective that it’s impossible to have a ‘perfect’ piece. And pressure can mean for anything that involves your writing: the audience’s opinions, the grammar, the concept, anything. A really big part of why I love writing is that I get to write stuff that I want to see, which happens to line up with what other people want to see!! If someone didn’t like my stuff, it’s just because we have differing opinions on what’s good, not because i’m a bad writer. Always remember that!!

Don’t compare yourself to others. This one sounds so basic, I know lmao Other people have wayyyy different ways of writing things, and that’s dope!! But using it as a basis of what’s good for your own writing is undope. It’ll get into your head until you either give up on your writing or focus on writing exactly like that person, both of which don’t do you any good! You can look at what you think worked in other fics and try and put your own spin on it, but make sure you know that everyone’s unique, which also goes for their writing style. 

Do what works for you. I mentioned in another ask that I rarely use outlines because they lowkey scare me and make me feel like I’m not writing correctly if i don’t follow the exact plan, but for other writers, an outline might be their savior. It all depends on what helps you write your best work.

Don’t be afraid to experiment. Going along with my last point, sometimes you don’t know what works for you until you try it! I once attempted to have an outline when I was writing a fic, and i discovered that the product wasn’t what i wanted it to be, so i moved on to using more of a list of ideas for my fics rather than an outline. This also applies to different writing styles and formats!! if you want to experiment by using less dialogue, or less description, or more dialogue, or more description, etc., don’t be afraid to! some really cool stuff can come from it if you go out of your comfort zone. 

Don’t listen to every piece of advice given. This may sound counterintuitive to the entire point of this post, but sometimes, someone’s advice doesn’t work for what you’re trying to do, and that’s okay! you’re not a bad person or writer because you didn’t feel like someone’s suggestion helped you. 

This is way longer than I thought it would be but oop-

anyway for some less philosophical advice:

Write in Comic Sans. Did a shiver go down your back at those words? Me too. But, for me, comic sans helps me write faster and a bunch of other writers do it (I swear. you can look it up if you don’t believe me.) 

Look at your writing in different fonts and formats. When you’re looking for any mistakes that spellcheck didn’t catch, change the font so that your brain can look at it like a whole new piece of writing. if you prefer to physically write your fics down first and then transfer it to a computer (I do that with my Artsy as Fuck series), then the transfer to the computer can really help with catching any mistakes. 

Have multiple fandoms/characters to write for, even if you don’t publish them. I write for two fandoms (choices and haikyuu), and within those fandoms, I have a bunch of characters that I write stuff for. This isn’t to confuse myself or make my life harder; it’s to give me multiple creative outlets. Sometimes, writing for only oliver or only colt gets kind of boring, and I get a little blocked, even though I’m still itching to write something. To solve this, I move to a completely different fandom with completely different characters. I get to continue publishing stuff and continue writing so I get those juices flowing for when I want to go back to writing for choices. 

Take breaks. I bet you’re like “Penny, you dumb bitch, of course I take breaks.” Okay good! Taking breaks from writing can help you fight feeling burned out, plus it gives you the chance to give your brain a break so that when you get back to writing, it’ll be much easier to work with new ideas and catch more mistakes. 

Have fun! I sound like a camp counselor. and ive never even BEEN to camp. but!! you should never feel like writing is a chore, because it shouldn't be!! if you’re not enjoying writing, don’t be afraid to step back, take a break, look at it later with fresh eyes and a new angle. 

I hope this covered everything and I hope that you enjoy posting stuff!! I can’t wait for you to start!!! <3

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 04 Mar 2020 (Brokered conventions, the Siege of Gondor, ICE risk-assessment whitebox, Chinese covid censorship, America's national immunocompromise)

Today's links

A brokered convention will produce a powerless presidency: Transformative change requires a movement, not a plan.

What the Siege of Gondor teaches us about medieval warfare: 40,000 riveting words from Roman military historian Bret Deveraux.

ICE's risk assessment algorithm only ever recommends detention: NYCLU suing to force them to admit what we've all figured out.

Probing China's Covid-19 censorship: Outstanding work from Citizen Lab.

America is uniquely at risk from coronavirus: 77 million un- and underinsured people.

This day in history:

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

I'm coming to Kelowna, BC tomorrow! I'll be at the library from 6-8PM with my book Radicalized for the CBC's Canada Reads. It's free, but you need to RSVP (and most of the seats are gone, so act quick).

https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

A brokered convention will produce a powerless presidency (permalink)

Hoping for a brokered convention is basically saying, "Hey, go fuck yourself" to every doorknocker and phone canvasser in your base. It says, "Let's not use votes to choose the candidate. You little people were for show. We choose our leaders by gathering the people who matter in smoke-filled rooms."

Any candidate hoping to enact a transformative program from the presidency is going to need a powerful, motivated base to whip establishment Dems into order: "I want to do it, now make me do it." Jettisoning the idea that your supporters get you nominated is the most demoralizing thing I can imagine, short of shutting off the server your organizers used to get you elected as soon as they succeed (looking at you, Barack Obama).

It's pure technocratic hubris, the kind of thing that turns promising wonks into figureheads who accomplish nothing. Saving America from plutocracy and white nationalism requires a movement, not a savior with a plan.

What the Siege of Gondor teaches us about medieval warfare (permalink)

Last spring, Roman military historian Bret Devereaux published over 40,000 words of analysis of the Siege of Gondor as depicted in Peter Jackson's Return of the King. It is by far the best use of fiction as a tool for teaching history that I've ever read.

It's in 6 parts, broken down by themes. By far my favorite section was the opener, on the logistics of sieges. I am a quartermaster by temperament, and the logistic of moving 200,000 orcs (plus trolls, elephants, siege engines, etc) is FASCINATING.

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/10/collections-the-siege-of-gondor/

"The road the orcs are on allows them to march five abreast, meaning there are 40,000 such rows. Giving each orc four feet of space on the march, that would mean the army alone stretches 30 miles down a single road. At that length, the tail end of the army would not even be able to leave camp before the front of the army had finished marching for the day." (!!)

The section on the siege's opener, part II, is likewise fascinating and contains some great craft notes.

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/17/collections-the-siege-of-gondor-part-ii-these-beacons-are-liiiiiiit/

"LOTR doesn't rely – as so much fiction does – on the 'good guys' making stupid mistake after stupid mistake in order to create tension. Instead, Gondor executes its plans admirably, and yet it is so outmatched in military might that it remains in peril."

Part III is more in the weeds on weapons and tactics. It gets into some really gnarly deep nerd stuff about the immediate preamble to a siege that I loved.

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/24/collections-the-siege-of-gondor-part-iii-having-fun-storming-the-city/

"The paths the siege towers will take must be cleared and leveled (even a slight grade will tip them over). Earthwork cover for the approach on the gate should be set up, along with obstructions to prevent the army within the city from advancing at an inopportune moment. In assaulting a fortified city with a large army, the spade is often the most important weapon. Even building a ramp right up the enemy walls to enter the city was a common and successful tactic, if the assaulting army had enough labor to do it quickly enough."

My favorite part of the section on calvary charge was the notable absence of NCOs in the orc ranks, maintaining discipline.

https://acoup.blog/2019/05/31/collections-the-siege-of-gondor-part-iv-the-cavalry-arrives/

"The orc general, Gothmog has to push through the ranks and reorder his infantry, while the orcs stare dumbfounded at the new threat. This is a task that should have been taken up by a hundred-hundred NCOs up and down the line, which speaks to problems of command structure."

By far the most intensely geeky section is in Part V, which deals with the math for calculating whether the trolls could possibly heft the hammers that deal the damage that we see.

https://acoup.blog/2019/06/07/collections-the-siege-of-gondor-part-v-just-flailing-about-flails/

"If a troll really is around 9 times as strong as a strong man, we might figure that a troll sledgehammer might be something like 81kg, and a troll warhammer only 5.76 – 13.59kg. Wildly short of the massive clubs and hammers the trolls wield in these scenes."

ICE's risk assessment algorithm only ever recommends detention (permalink)

The New York Civil Liberties Union and Bronx Defenders have filed suit against ICE, trying to force it to respond to a FOIA request about risk assessment algorithm that has put people in detention 97% of the time.

https://theintercept.com/2020/03/02/ice-algorithm-bias-detention-aclu-lawsuit/

The algorithm was tweaked after the 2016 election (prior to then, it only recommended detention for 53% of cases), and by classifying virtually everyone it evaluates as a public safety risk, it violates the law's requirement of "individualized determinations" for detentions.

People in immigration detention have yet to see a judge or be found guilty. They can be locked up for weeks or months, and detention can cost them their jobs — or even their children. The Trump administration has exponentially increased the number of immigration arrests; coupled with automatic detention-by-algorithm, this has put thousands of New Yorkers in harm's way.

Investigative journalists and activists have previously shown that the algorithm was changed to eliminate all possible outcomes (bond, release, etc), so that it could only recommend detention. So the problem here isn't the usual one of not knowing how the black-box works. We know exactly how it works. You ask it, "Should this person be detained?" and it says "Yes."

"The no-release policy is particularly tough on people with disabilities or health problems. 'This practice of widespread detention is both cruel and needless.'"

Probing China's Covid-19 censorship (permalink)

Citizen Lab's new report on Chinese coronavirus censorship is outstanding. By decompiling the YY client (which stores blacklist words on the client-side) and probing Wechat (which uses server-side blacklisting), they build up a detailed picture of Chinese epidemiological censorship.

https://citizenlab.ca/2020/03/censored-contagion-how-information-on-the-coronavirus-is-managed-on-chinese-social-media/

Most importantly, they demonstrate how the Cyberspace Administration of China's threat of "thematic inspections" of platforms to ensure coronavirus censorship led to indiscriminate blocking of vital public health information.

It's "authoritarian blindness" in the making, "where people too scared to tell the autocrat the hard truths makes it impossible for the autocrat to set policy that reflects reality"

https://pluralistic.net/2020/02/24/pluralist-your-daily-link-dose-24-feb-2020/#thatswhatxisaid

"Censorship of COVID-19 content started at early stages of the outbreak and continued to expand blocking a wide range of speech, from criticism of the government to officially sanctioned facts and information."

By contrast, the sheer volume of "sarcastic homonyms or word play related to COVID-19" that appear on the blacklist are really a testament to the ingenuity and spirit of Chinese netizens.

"A number of these keyword combinations are critical (e.g., "亲自 [+] 皇上," by someone + emperor), criticizing the central leadership's inability or inaction in dealing with COVID-19 ("习近平 [+] 形式主义 [+] 防疫," Xi Jinping + formalism + epidemic prevention). Many of them refer to leadership in a neutral way (e.g., "肺炎 [+] 李克强 [+] 武汉 [+] 总理 [+] 北京," Pneumonia + Li Keqiang + Wuhan + Premier + Beijing)."

America is uniquely at risk from coronavirus (permalink)

Among rich countries, the USA is uniquely vulnerable to coronavirus. Thanks to its title to "by far the worst system among rich countries, it is much worse than that of many poorer countries when it comes to confronting a fast-moving epidemic."

https://theweek.com/articles-amp/899359/why-america-vulnerable-coronavirus

The US has 77m un/underinsured people. "and the vicious, right-wing ideology of the Republican Party has wrecked the government's ability to manage crises of any kind, " with "unqualified cronies" running important agencies.

"Now they are resorting to the only thing they know how to do really well — lying, concocting conspiracy theories and blaming Democrats and the media for any bad news. It does not bode well."

This day in history (permalink)

#15yrsago EFF is hiring a new IP lawyer https://web.archive.org/web/20050307005314/http://www.corante.com/copyfight/archives/2005/03/04/ip_attorneys_eff_wants_you.php (the ad that led to the hiring of Corynne McSherry!)

#10yrsago Guardian column on LibDem proposal to block web-lockers https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2010/mar/04/web-lockers-digital-economy-liberal-democrats-wrong

#1yrago Fox News was always partisan, but now it is rudderless and "anti-democratic" https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/03/11/the-making-of-the-fox-news-white-house

#1yrago Leaked memo suggests that Google has not really canceled its censored, spying Chinese search tool https://theintercept.com/2019/03/04/google-ongoing-project-dragonfly/

#1yrago Terra Nullius: Grifters, settler colonialism and "intellectual property" https://locusmag.com/2019/03/cory-doctorow-terra-nullius/

#1yrago Tim Maughan's Infinite Detail: a debut sf novel about counterculture, resistance, and the post-internet apocalypse https://boingboing.net/2019/03/04/gnu-slash-apocalypse.html

#1yrago Financialization is wearing out its welcome https://www.ft.com/content/a9f13afc-3c3d-11e9-b856-5404d3811663

#1yrago How the patent office's lax standards gave Elizabeth Holmes the BS patents she needed to defraud investors and patients https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2019/03/theranos-how-a-broken-patent-system-sustained-its-decade-long-deception/

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/), Slashdot (https://slashdot.org/) and Kottke (Kottke).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Canada Reads Kelowna: March 5, 6PM, Kelowna Library, 1380 Ellis Street, with CBC's Sarah Penton https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

Currently writing: I just finished a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel now, though the timing is going to depend on another pending commission (I've been solicited by an NGO) to write a short story set in the world's prehistory.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Disasters Don't Have to End in Dystopias: https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/03/01/disasters-dont-have-to-end-in-dystopias/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.