#ITS NOT PROCRASTINATING IF IM TECHNICALLY WORKING ON WORK I STILL NEEDED TO FINISH

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."

weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1

[spocksfurby]

sigh

[saffronstoats]

guh. tw negative again

i wish i was diagnosed officially with adhd. i really need the medicine augh... i wish i could just... do this. everyone i know will be upset if i dont finish this in 5 hours, however my brain knows its technically due in 17, so i cant read anything because im not interested enough. please. im trying to do the assignments on time i just can't for some awful reason. this assignment ive had a week to work on. you know how much is done? less than 25%. and its due tomorrow. and its basically a test. and if i dont have it on time i can genuinely only get 5%. why is my brain still procrastinating? i want to be able to focus. but i cant.

[spaceyspacedust]

Hihi! Actually a different fandom this time, Asmo, Barbatos, and Levi(separately)with a reader who has to be with them at all times? Follows them around like a lost puppy and just does everything with them, sometimes even joining them in whatever they're doing, (ex: watching Asmo do makeup, Barbatos bake, and Levi gaming)

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for the delay on all these asks. I had to go onto hiatus for a bit because real life was suddenly hitting extremely hard, but I hope you enjoy these nonetheless. Again, thank you so much for the wait.

Levi

I sort of took my creative liberties with this one! I wrote it under the pretense that you were already friends, but weren't dating yet if that's alright with you. also im so sorry for lowkey going crazy on this one and shoving a minific in your hands instead but enjoy lmao

Honestly? He was surprised at first, to say the least.

He found it sorta.. Odd?

The first time, he was... Kinda creeped out by how you kept on staring at him, honestly. A part of him honestly wanted to assume the worst, and that you were spying on him for some kind of prank or something.

The second time was even weirder.

Maybe you were trying to observe his pro gamer skills..? His figure collection??

I mean, he wouldn't blame you.

He does have one of the biggest Ruri-Chan figurine collections in the entirety of the Devildom, and even he's pretty proud of it.

Yeah, it must be that.. Totally.

Even though you neve rreally seemed as enthusiastic about Ruri all the other times..

The third time? Yeah no, this had gone on for way too much. He's gaming on his console when he shoots a glance back at you and just sees you there. As always.

You're not exactly creepy yourself, not at all. Levi would even say you're pretty cute, and it was really cool how you seemed to be interested in what he was doing, sometimes even playing along! ..Although he'd rather die than admit it to your face.

But in his head? SO many situations running through it right now.

Why were you following him so much? Was.. Something wrong with him? Were you trying to ask him something and he was completely failing to notice? Did Mammon ask you to spy on him-!?

NOnonono- Has he been this oblivious this entire time!? OMG, he hopes not.. This is even worse than most shoujo mcs do! And they're as dense as a rock! You probably hate him now, which is fitting because someone as awesome and cool as you probably didn't have much hope with some yucky otaku like him-

"Levi?"

Your voice promptly snaps him out of his very quickly spiraling thoughts as he looks at you.

"Is something wrong? You've stopped for a while and.. Well, to be honest, you don't look like you're doing so great."

He should've expected this, with how you were following him and all.. But wait! Maybe this was his chance! You didn't seem all that mad at him yet, so maybe he could ask now and earn your forgiveness!

He blurts it all out at once as an apology, honestly. He's sorry not noticing you and not being a good friend and you probably hate him now blah blaj blah all of it.

But for some reason... You look confused??

He thought for sure that was the case!

The realization dawns upon him as you somewhat sheepishly explain the situation to him. You sort of can't help following him, and you like being around him. Doing the things he does.

He's hit with an instant wave of relief, honestly..

. . .

AAAAND THE EMBARASSMENT FOLLOWS RIGHT ALONG AFTER.

HE ASSUMED SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!

NOW YOU PROBABLY HA-

Wait.

AAAAND THE REALIZATION FOLLOWS.

YOu??? ACTUALLY LIKE HANGING OUT WITH HIM??

The solution was so simple!!

But most of all..

You actually like being near him!

For Levi, that's quite the shocker, but really, most of all that's so...

Words couldn't describe how happy he was to have someone close to him that not only liked him for who he was, but enjoyed his interests, too!

so: HASFISHFUSIDHFSDUFHUSIFHSUIHFIUSHFDF!?!?!

there.

After that, whenever he sees you following him, he tries to strike up a conversation when he can and even invites you to play games with him sometimes!

He talks to you about how sometimes he needs space and all, but overall you guys reach an agreement on having some times to yourselves. Besides, you can still text him then if you really want to, just try not to spam him too much.

it turns out really wholesome, haha.

that, and he needs his space because?? that close of a proximity to you?? cuteness overload?? he'd rather not die, thanks lmao

Enjoy your blushy nerd friend the rest of the time though!

Asmo

Again with the whole 'you guys are friends' thing, although I went a little further back with Asmo's. Honestly though?? by the end of this, definitely wouldnt have been surprised if yall ended up dating somehow in some way in between the events of these.

Asmo doesn't really have a reaction to your clingy nature at first, honestly.

I mean, considering he is a Devilgram influencer AND the Avatar of Lust, he isn't really new to people being interested in him and up in his business in one way or another , so while he was sort of surprised considering you didn't seem to fall for his charms initially, he wrote it off as pretty normal.

But as it happened more and more frequently, he was sort of given the impression that you actually really enjoyed the time you spent with him.

After all, most were into him for his looks, a one night stand or two thousand and they'd still be coming back for more despite barely even knowing him as a person.

But you? You just kept coming back not for any of the intimate moments, no.

You seemed to just enjoy his company in general and heck- You seemed happy enough to just sit back and watch him spend him time regardless.

It made him... Strangely happy.

The silly, fun conversations you'd have whilst painting each others' nails, your content smile as you watched him do his makeup, soon enough, he was honestly finding it pretty endearing.

He was a pretty clingy person himself after all, and getting a closer look at you, Asmo could honestly see that you really just wanted some company, and he could understand that.

Now, he'd be the one asking you to hang out sometimes.

Like I said, he's pretty clingy too.

And I mean it when I say: Weekly spa days, mall trips, makeovers, everything.

He gets to test a new product?

Already texting you to ask to join him.

He's going to the club later tonight?

You bet he's going to ask you to come around too.

He really appreciates you! And makes it very sure you know that when you hang out either via showering you with gifts, compliments, quality time- let's face it this man's love language is yes youre gonna be so pampered

The only time he doesn't ask you to come around is when he's out doing..

uh

sussy shit

and even then he's doing that far less often now that he has you to hang out with!

Even his Devilgram followers have noticed you're in like, almost every photo he takes now (if you're comfy with that, of course.) Hell, some of the non-toxic fans have even started deadass shipping you!

TLDR: Aside from specific circumstances (ie. either one of you needing space for whatever reason, etc) you guys are practically inseparable.

Barbatos

Barbatos is a character I haven't looked into as much, so I'm sorry if there's less for him or if it isn't as good as the others. I hope you enjoy it anyhow! Same deal as before except it goes even FARTHWEr back because muahahaha.

When you first begin following him and all, he finds you rather.. intriguing? Odd? He didn't know what to think, though he was a bit curious to find out despite being a bit on-edge, opting to keep an eye on you for the time being.

When Diavolo notices and comments that its cute and he'll allow it, saying that Barbatos should continue to let you follow him, finding it amusing, he concedes, not wanting to upset him.

When you first ask to help him with cleaning, he's... Surprised?

Not many do, and he promptly turns down your offer, both out of politeness and... While he won't admit this later on, worry that you'll be like some of the demon brothers and seemingly have no idea how to take care of a place properly.

He's even more surprised, however, when you insist anyway and actually... Do a good job!

He's sort of impressed, honestly.

Although his expectations were already kind of low, you definitely exceeded them.

He thanks you and with some reluctance, lets you help out in cleaning the rest of the castle, giving the smaller, easier chores while he does the more difficult, larger ones until as a team effort, you both end up finishing all the chores you have to do for the while until his break.

He thanks you for a second time, but not before you catch him off guard again and ask him if he's going to do anything during his time off, shyly asking if you could join him.

Honestly? This time, he was the one surprising himself when he found himself inclined to say yes.

As much as he didn't have the best impression on you initially, you definitely warmed up to him over the course of the day (because let's face it, all those chores?? prolly time consuming as f Uck)

It's all uphill from there, as you guys end up sitting down and trying some of Barbatos' teas with you sitting down and intently listening while Barbatos explains them.

After this experience, you definitely start coming over more often and this time?

Barb doesn't really mind it as much, actually.

You're quite the help, in fact.

Not to mention it was definitely reassuring to find that you didn't mind even if it was tough work, and no, the first time wasn't just you being polite. You were hardworking, and seemed to genuinely enjoy his company, which he appreciated and made it an effort to tell you so, even if it was in the form of brief compliments on your work, or sharing his secret recipes with you.

It was one such day when after proving yourself to be pretty competent at baking in one of your hangout sessions both in and out of work, he asks you to help teach Luke a new recipe you'd perfected only a couple days before.

You accept, and it goes great, with Luke honestly easing up far more to you than Barbatos, much to your amusement.

After that, Barbie Toes always asks if you want to join in on helping tutor the chihuahua boy and you're happy to oblige, finding it really fun!

while he definitely didn't expect it at first, he eventually he finds your habit pretty endearing, if anything

He still has to excuse himself far more often than the other two to tend to Diavolo's private matters, clean dangerous areas, and follow Dia into important meetings, but you try to respect his space and you guys end up leading a really nice friendship/relationship!

tea parties galore

baking lets go

[moonlitmessages]

Reasons I think Saeyoung has ADHD

- Messy house. Hard to keep it clean. Everything just kinda piles up and he relies on Vanderwood to not live in a pig sty.

- He says early in his route (day five first story mode I think. When Vanderwood is first introduced) he says that Dr. Pepper helps him focus. He drinks it and gets super focused, but then the mess piles up even more because of the soda cans.

- Super smart, especially about very specific niches. I mean he's smart in general but also has his Thing™ (this can be applied to both ADHD and the autistic spectrum. )

- Insomnia. This is part of his work obviously as well but he's clear about the fact that his sleep schedule is hecking out of whack.

- Can't focus?? Let's do everything besides the thing we need to do. Even though it will do nothing to help the situation at hand.

- Cars. Going nyoom down the road could help with stimulation and sensory issues that come with ADHD. Something about the speed just makes it make sense.

- Hyperfocus. "Don't bother me I'm trying to work". Being so focused on work that he doesn't take the time to really even order a hot meal. Forgets to eat and sleep sometimes because of it. (a lot of instances it's simply that he CAN'T or he won't meet deadlines too so that also has to be kept in mind). Building robots out of thin air too is an example.

- Inattentive. When not super focused its almost like a disinterest in anything. His focus is on MC? Well gotta do something for MC. She'll like a flamethrower pup. That will keep her safe. Wait no it wont...I thought it would tho. Gotta work!! No but MC isn't safe. (Inattentive to his work cause super focused on MC)

Symptoms of ADHD include:

Disorganization 

     - This goes along with the messy house. There’s a picture where he’s shown surrounded by chip crumbs. Vanderwood claims that his couch smells like soda. There are likely aspects in which he can actually be quite organized, but those would likely be in reference to his job, and computer/automotive repair.

Lack of focus 

    - This happens a little bit through different routes, where he complains about not being able to focus and doing some procrastinating, but for the most part the biggest example is the very beginning of his route where his focus is faltered because his mind is on MC. While that is a normal reaction to have for anyone regarding what was going on, it can’t be ignored that 1.) He WAS unfocused to the point he couldn’t do anything besides worry, or work on things that ��Could help protect MC” regardless of if they were useful or not. and 2.) Dr. Pepper is part of the reason he is able to focus on things when he DOES focus. He says this himself in the first story-mode for his route. That he drinks it, then gets super focused. Caffeine has been proven to actually help the ADHD brain focus.

Act or speak without thinking 

    - “Im leaving the RFA”, breaking the RoboCat, and some of his procrastinating during his route could be considered put into this category. Also, I know he is by all technicalities saying things with thought in regard to MC when he’s saying hurtful stuff, however I still think it could be put in here because while it was said with the thought “I want to make sure MC stays away from me so she will be safe,” it’s without thinking about how he feels/what he wants and he ends up regretting it down the road.

Restlessness 

    - Lets see, he has trouble focusing and when he can’t focus he ends up doing other stuff to keep his hands and mind busy. He has sleep troubles. I doubt he can sit still very easily if he isn’t super-focused on something life-or-death and/or a special interest. A good example could once again be the robo-animals he built. His focus was somewhere else, there’s little he can do to remedy the situation, he gets restless and tries to occupy himself with something he CAN focus on.

Difficulty coping with stress 

    - Source: His Whole Route

Mood Swings 

    - What I’m seeing as mood swings could also just easily be his stress and anxiety in the situation during his route causing him to bounce back and forth/ the mask he tries to put up to protect MC from getting involved with him being thrown up when he feels like he’s letting her to close. But nonetheless there are points where he will just seem sad and melancholy then get angry. 

Anxiety 

   - I mean idrk how to explain this one for him, I don’t necessarily think that he has social anxiety, but maybe general anxiety (tho I’m not really sure how to explain how I see that in him) but regardless when he does experience pressure, he seems to have heightened anxiety levels. It just makes sense in my head so take this one a little lighter than the others. 

Low self esteem 

    - ‘I’m not a good person” “Why do you like me?” I would say that when it comes to his looks he’s fairly confident. But when it comes to his personality (I mean he has a whole identity crisis) and actions, it’s a whole other story. He puts himself down a lot because he genuinely thinks that he doesn’t deserve MC and that she should be with someone better than him.

Impulsiveness 

    - Again, breaking Robocat. Felt impulsive and done without thought. His car rides could also be considered impulsive depending on how risky and speedy they may be. I recall at one point he texts MC while driving. 

Trouble controlling anger 

    - Source: His Whole Route

Procrastination 

   - I feel like I keep bringing up the robo animals a lot, but they were also a form of procrastinating his work. (I suppose there are a lot of things that could be tied to those animals then, or maybe I’m just reading to deep into things). Uhm, idk I can’t think of anymore examples atm, and I know he tries not to procrastinate super important stuff. I feel like if I were to play the game again (it’s been a couple weeks) I would be able to find more examples for this even on a minor scale. Sometimes him teasing Yoosung could be seen as both him trying to relieve some stress and put off doing his work.

~•⭐ D e p r e s s i o n ⭐•~ 

- Yes I know his depression comes from trauma and abuse. However ADHD overlaps with different disorders quite commonly. A lot of his ADHD symptoms overlap with depression as well, such as the disorganization, mood swings, and insomnia. And depression can very often accompany ADHD too just simply due to the fact that mental illnesses do tend to come in multiples, and also the ADHD itself can be a contributor to depression.

Those are 12 different signs that he might have ADHD...and of course I’m no doctor. Everything that I listed were things that I found through an attempt to analyze him and his route, and online research regarding ADHD. I’m sure there are things I might have over-analyzed and taken some things out of context as it has been a couple weeks since I finished his route...So feel free to add your own thoughts/opinions, regardless of if you think I’m right or wrong. This has been in my drafts for a while and I finally got it finished and will likely go through editing later but I want to post it now. If anything is hard to understand let me know and it will get fixed to the best of my ability.

[calumcest]

you and i were fireworks that went off too soon - chapter three

[ao3]

yes its me back AGAIN with another chapter imagine i took 5 years off writing fic altogether and now im churning out like 7k a day procrastination truly is the biggest motivator on the planet now i can cheat myself into feeling productive when really my dissertation is still...how u say...unwritten 

The boiler is fixed a week later, and Luke returns home. 

Despite the fact he’s always lived in this apartment alone, it feels oddly quiet without Calum shouting at him from the kitchen every five minutes and a dog pawing at his ankles for food every two hours. Luke, in all his twenty-six-year-old wisdom, decides that the obvious solution to this temporary loneliness, rather than waiting it out, is to get a dog himself. 

“Look,” Calum coos, because Luke (in all his twenty-six-year-old wisdom), has decided to ask the biggest dog-lover on the planet to accompany him to the shelter to pick out one (one) dog. “This one’s so cute.”

“You’ve said that about the last seven,” Luke says. The shelter employee accompanying them laughs.

“That’s because they’re all cute,” Calum says, smiling big and soft at the little puppy sniffing at his finger excitedly. “You should get them all.” Luke rolls his eyes. 

“That’s a great idea,” he deadpans, knowing Calum’s barely listening to him anyway. “My four-room apartment is ideal for seven dogs.” 

“Exactly,” Calum says absent-mindedly, moving on to the next dog and grinning widely at it. “Hey, little man. This one’s adorable, Luke.” 

“Do you think any dogs aren’t adorable?” Luke asks, partially exasperated, partially genuinely curious. 

“There’s no such thing as a non-cute dog,” Calum says, and he crouches down to get as close to a corgi’s eye level as a six-two grown man can get. Luke’s got to admit, this one is pretty cute, wagging its little tail and gazing up at them with what almost looks like a smile. Its tail starts wagging harder when Luke crouches down next to Calum, and, unlike the previous seven dogs, it elects to walk over to Luke rather than Calum. 

“I think you’ve found your guy,” Calum says, straightening back up again. “What is he, a corgi mix?” 

“A pomeranian-corgi mix,” the employee confirms. “He’s called Clifford.” Luke looks at Calum in horror, and Calum bursts out laughing.

“I can change his name, right?” Luke says, because he doesn’t know the intricacies of dog ownership. He’s not sure whether he, like, needs to appeal to court to change his dog’s name, or something. 

“Well, technically, yes,” the employee says, “but Clifford’s pretty resistant to change. We tried changing it to Chester and he refused to respond.” Luke looks back at Clifford, who’s still wagging his tail, tongue out, looking decidedly pleased with himself. Luke’s heart kind of melts. 

“Right,” he says. “I mean. I guess I can just live with the embarrassment of having a dog named after Michael, right?” He directs the last bit at Calum, who shrugs, still grinning. 

“Your call, dude,” he says gleefully, because he’s a terrible friend. Luke sighs, casting another glance at Clifford. 

“You’re going to be the death of me, little man,” he says, and Clifford paws at the cage. 

  -------

  “He’s called what?” Michael says, half in disbelief, half in delight. 

“Fuck you,” Luke says, as Clifford sniffs at Michael’s ankles curiously. Michael bends down, scratching behind Clifford’s ears. 

“Hey, buddy,” he says. “You’re my son, d’you know that?” Clifford’s eyes close and he pushes into Michael’s touch. 

“Get your own dog,” Luke says, tugging on Clifford’s lead gently. Clifford refuses to budge. 

“I might,” Michael says. “Clifford needs a sibling.” 

“He’s not your fucking son,” Luke says, tugging again, and finally Clifford trots back to heel and settles down, resting his head on Luke’s foot. 

“Don’t swear in front of my kid,” Michael says, smiling fondly at Clifford. 

“I hate you,” Luke says, because he does. 

  -------

  Having a dog is a lot like what Luke imagines living with Michael is like, so maybe Clifford is aptly named. 

Clifford follows Luke from room to room, paws at the sofa until Luke lets him on, glares at Luke when he’s playing Xbox until he makes room in his lap for Clifford to sit, and starts making whining noises when he thinks it’s been too long since he last ate (which is, like, every half an hour). 

“I’m trying to work, little man,” Luke says one Saturday morning in late November, when Clifford sets himself down on Luke’s feet and glowers at him for having a laptop in his lap. Clifford makes a noise of disdain. “You can sit next to me, but I need to keep this roof over our heads.” He pats the sofa next to him, and Clifford gives him one final reproachful look before trotting over to the sofa and pawing at it. Luke leans over the laptop to pick him up, because he knows better than to take the laptop off his lap and give Clifford a chance to worm his way in, and Clifford curls up next to Luke, staring across the room at the door to the hallway. 

Luke manages to work for another hour and a half, ignoring Clifford’s dramatic sighs (seriously, who fucking knew dogs could be drama queens?), before he can’t concentrate on anything other than his growling stomach anymore and sets his laptop aside. Clifford, who’s been dozing for at least twenty minutes, immediately jolts upright and pads into Luke’s lap, curling up and resting his head on Luke’s thigh. 

“Not now, little man,” Luke says, picking Clifford up gently and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I need to make us lunch.” He sets Clifford down on the floor and stands up, stretching as he walks into the kitchen, Clifford hot on his heels. 

Calum had told him to make sure he makes his own food first before feeding Clifford, because apparently the alpha eats first, or something, so Luke flips the kettle on, chucks a few handfuls of pasta into a pot and puts the ready-made bolognese sauce he’d bought into a separate pot to heat up. Clifford knows the routine by now, so he just settles down near his food bowl, closing his eyes. 

Luke’s a pretty quick eater, so Clifford gets his food about twenty minutes later while Luke’s washing up his pots. When Clifford’s finished, lapping at the water in his bowl noisily, Luke heads back into the living room and picks his laptop back up again. Clifford follows a few moments later, and this time doesn’t complain about Luke working when Luke picks him up and sets him down at his side, petting him absent-mindedly as he reads a report. 

By four, Luke’s concentration has gone again, so he closes his laptop and stretches. Clifford stretches next to him and then jumps off the sofa, wagging his tail expectantly. 

“Alright,” Luke says. “Get your lead.” Clifford spins excitedly in a circle for a moment before running off to the hallway, tearing back in the door a moment later with his lead trailing along the floor behind him. Luke bends down, and Clifford sits still as he waits for Luke to clip the lead to his collar. He lets Luke tug on his shoes and then starts pulling on the lead a little impatiently while Luke searches for his keys. 

“You’ll be the one complaining if we get locked out, Cliff,” Luke says, a tad irritably, when Clifford pulls a little harder after two minutes of Luke trying to find his keys. He eventually finds them in his jacket pocket, and sets off, locking the door behind him. 

It’s nice outside, and Luke tilts his face into the sun as they make their way to the park. It’s only a short distance away, and Clifford patiently waits at the kerbs of the two roads they have to cross which makes the journey a lot easier for Luke. Once they’re in the park, Clifford beelines for the dog park, making Luke quicken his pace a little to keep up. He hops excitedly in front of the gate as Luke fumbles with the latch on it, and as soon as there’s a sliver of a gap he forces his way through, causing the lead to get caught on the railings as he twists his way through. 

“Cliff, you fucking idiot,” Luke says, unhooking the lead where it’s got caught and slipping into the dog park himself, shutting the gate behind him. “Sit, I’ll let you off.” Clifford sits, vibrating with excitement, and the minute the lead is unclipped from his collar he’s tearing off to join the other dogs running around the middle of the park. 

Luke ambles over to one of the wooden benches, away from other people - making small talk with dog owners gets a little painful after a while, he’s found - and settles down, keeping an eye on Clifford and making sure he’s not getting involved in anything too rough with any of the bigger dogs. He’s so caught up in watching Clifford that he doesn’t notice someone sitting down next to him until they clear their throat, making Luke throw them a glance. 

And his stomach drops, because fucking hell. It’s Ashton.

“Hi,” Ashton says, offering Luke a small, almost nervous smile. 

“What are you doing here?” Luke asks stupidly, because in his mind, Ashton’s not supposed to be anywhere Luke is.

“Walking my dog,” Ashton says. “What are you doing here?” 

“Walking mine.” Ashton frowns, looking out at the pack of dogs running around, like he’s trying to pick Luke’s out from the group. Luke looks over too, because Ashton being here means Spot’s here somewhere, and he always liked Spot. 

“You have a dog?” Ashton says, and he sounds kind of uneasy about it. Luke kind of relishes it; it’s solid proof that Ashton doesn’t know Luke anymore, and it doesn’t sit well with him. 

“Obviously.” Ashton says nothing to that for a while, and they sit in incredibly tense, awkward silence. 

“How have you been?” Ashton says eventually, and Luke snorts. 

“We’re not doing small talk, Ashton,” he says. The name rolls off Luke’s tongue a little easier than it had the first time, a month ago, and something about that sets his teeth on edge. 

“Jesus, alright,” Ashton mutters. “I’m just trying to be polite.” 

“Well, don’t.” Out of the corner of his eye, Luke sees Ashton roll his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything else. 

After another five painfully slow minutes have passed, Luke’s had enough. He gets up, fumbling with the lead in his hand, and shouts: “Clifford!” 

“You named your dog after Michael?” Ashton asks from behind him. Luke scowls as Clifford comes bounding over, but his stomach flips uncomfortably. It’s yet another reminder that Ashton knows more about him than he’d like, that he still knows little things like his best friend’s surname. 

“No,” he says, bending down and clipping Clifford’s lead onto his collar. “He was called Clifford when I got him.” 

“Oh,” Ashton says. “Like the big red dog? Kind of a shitty name for a tiny corgi.” Luke’s scowl deepens. 

“He’s a pomeranian-corgi mix,” he says, a little venomously, “and yours is called fucking Spot .” He gives in to Clifford’s puppy eyes, petting him briefly before straightening up. 

“She’s got spots,” Ashton says defensively. 

“She’s a dalmatian.” 

“Exactly.” Luke rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not taking any fucking criticism from someone who names a dalmatian Spot,” he says. 

“It’s a good fucking name for a dalmatian,” Ashton says, getting up from the bench too. “Spot!” 

Spot comes zooming out of the group of dogs, a blur of black and white, but doesn’t head for Ashton. Instead, she beelines for Luke with her tail wagging harder than he thinks he’s ever seen it go. She jumps up at him before she even reaches him, trying to lick every inch of his body, and Luke can’t help but laugh as he tells her down, Spot, down and tries to pet her. 

“She’s missed you,” Ashton remarks. Luke doesn’t take the bait, just pats Spot on the head one last time before turning to Clifford, who’s trotted up to Spot, intrigued. 

“C’mon, little man,” he says, but Spot’s just noticed Clifford at her feet and is also taking a great interest in him. The two of them sniff each other for a moment, and then their tails start wagging, and Clifford’s face breaks into what Luke always swears is a grin, and Michael always tells him is probably a doggy cry for help. “C’mon, Cliff.” 

“Heel, Spot,” Ashton says, like he’s trying to prove Spot’s better-trained than Clifford, or something. Spot, though, doesn’t budge.

“Heel,” Luke tells Clifford sternly, because fuck Ashton, and Clifford trots to Luke’s feet, albeit a little reluctantly. Luke can’t help but feel a little smug as Ashton gives up, leaning over to clip Spot’s lead to her as she gazes up at Luke, panting happily. Luke gives her one absolutely final pat on the head, because he has kind of missed her too. 

“Alright,” Luke says, a little uncomfortable, because he has no idea how to say goodbye to someone he never wanted to see again. 

“See you,” Ashton says, and it’s written all over his face that he knows what Luke’s thinking. Luke snorts. 

“Hopefully not,” he says, but it’s not mean. It’s just honest. 

Ashton smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, see you not, then,” he says. 

“See you not,” Luke agrees, and sets off out of the park. 

It only occurs to him when he’s waiting to cross the road that he’s just had a semi-civil conversation with Ashton, and it sends a bewildering flash of confusion, anger and embarrassment coursing through his veins. 

Whatever, he thinks, as Clifford trots off when the light turns green. It's not like he's going to see Ashton again, so it doesn't matter. 

  -------

  “What are your plans on Thursday?” Calum asks him on Tuesday afternoon. Luke shrugs, trying to adjust the settings on his fan. It’s too fucking hot in here. 

“Dinner, TV, wanking,” Luke says, fiddling with the controls. “Why?” 

“Come to dinner,” Calum says, and there’s an edge of something a little nervous to his tone. Luke looks up at him with a frown. 

“Why?” he asks, suspicious. Calum hesitates for a moment, like he’s not sure whether he should tell Luke, but then he sighs. 

“Mike and I want to talk to you,” he says. Luke looks away again, staring steadfastly at the fan. 

He’s known this talk was going to come for a long time. Every time he makes a comment about their soulmate status and then clams up when they try and broach the topic, he sees them exchange a Look, a Soulmate Look (or maybe just a Michael And Calum Look). They’re careful to avoid talking about it when Luke’s around, to keep the touches and looks to a minimum, but the minimum is still enough for it to be painfully obvious what they are and that Luke’s not a part of it. 

“Fine,” Luke says eventually, reluctant, because it’s been nearly three months since they found out and they still haven’t spoken about it, and even Luke has to admit that at some point, it’s going to start impacting their friendship unless they all lay their cards on the table. Calum makes a noise of relief, like he hadn’t expected Luke to be so easy to convince. 

“Seven?” he says. Luke nods tightly, twisting the bottom of the fan in annoyance at both it and Calum, and it finally starts fucking whirring. 

“I saw Ashton at the weekend,” he says after a moment, because he feels a little guilty and anything is a better topic of conversation than the uncomfortable silence they’ve lapsed into. 

“You what ?” Calum sounds aghast. 

“By accident,” Luke says hurriedly. “I was walking Cliff, and he was in the dog park.” 

“Right,” Calum says, concern still colouring his tone. “Did you talk to him?”

“He talked to me,” Luke says. 

“What did he say?” Luke shrugs. 

“Tried to make small talk,” he says. “Insulted Cliff’s name.” Calum looks torn, because he usually never misses an opportunity to insult Clifford’s name, but clearly thinks now is not the right moment. 

“How did you leave it?” he settles on eventually. Luke can see the self-restraint it’s taking him to not say Clifford is a shitty dog name, to be fair . Maybe this is a good tactic to get Calum to stop making fun of Luke; next time Calum jokes about how long Luke takes to get ready in the mornings, Luke’s going to tell him Ashton said the same thing. 

“He said see you, and I said hopefully not,” Luke says. Calum nods, satisfied. 

“Good,” he says. “Have you seen him there since?” Luke shakes his head, and hesitates, before telling Calum he’s not actually been to the dog park since Saturday. Calum frowns. 

“Why not?” he asks. Luke shrugs, a little uncomfortable, fiddling with the settings on the fan again. His face is heating up, and he’s pretty sure it’s just because it’s too fucking hot in here. 

“Don’t want to bump into him,” he says. Calum gives him a long look, and Luke tries not to lose his composure under his steely gaze. 

“You shouldn’t let him change your routine, Luke,” Calum says seriously. 

“I know,” Luke says, picking at a stray thread in his sleeve. “It’s just- it’s easier.” Calum says nothing for a moment, and then sighs. 

“He’s going to think he has an effect on you,” he says, and it’s a little patronising.  

“He does,” Luke mutters. “He pisses me the fuck off.” 

“You know what I mean.” And Luke does, and that pisses him off too. 

“Whatever,” he says, turning back to his computer and clicking on the email in his inbox that looks easiest to deal with. “My problem, not yours.” It’s mean, it’s uncalled for, and Calum doesn’t deserve it, and Luke feels a pang of guilt as soon as he says it, but he can’t swallow his pride to apologise. 

Calum doesn’t say anything, which Luke kind of thinks is worse than if he’d just taken the bait and risen to the argument Luke’s sort of spoiling for, and they sit in silence for the rest of the afternoon. 

  -------

  Thursday comes too soon. 

Luke brings Clifford, partially because he doesn’t want to leave him alone for two hours and partially as a shield or an excuse to leave, but as soon as he lets himself into Calum’s flat with the key he’d been given when Calum moved in Clifford tears off, lead trailing behind him, to find Duke. 

“Hey, son,” he hears Michael say to Clifford, and scowls. 

“Come back, little man,” Luke shouts, kicking his shoes off. Reluctantly, Clifford comes back around the corner, and Luke bends down to give him a quick scratch and unclips his lead. Clifford doesn’t hesitate, running back into the living room to find Duke, who’s probably sleeping and doesn’t want to be disturbed by an over-excited three-year-old dog. Luke hangs the lead up on top of his jacket and trails after Clifford, finding Michael on his own in the living room playing MarioKart. 

“Hi,” he says, setting himself down on the sofa heavily. There’s an uncomfortable atmosphere that he’s not used to having with Michael and Calum, not since Year Nine when they both hated his guts. 

“Hey,” Michael says nonchalantly, not looking away from the screen, but it’s too casual. Luke’s stomach flips, and he swallows. 

“Cal in the kitchen?” Michael nods. Great. Now he’s making awkward small talk with his own best friends. 

Luke watches Michael play for a few minutes, one eye on Clifford to make sure he’s not annoying Duke too much, and then Calum comes out of the kitchen and declares that dinner’s ready and they all shuffle to the table, dogs in tow with hopeful looks on their faces. 

They make idle, awkward chat while serving themselves, Calum and Luke filling Michael in on this stupid fucking client they had to deal with last week, and everybody’s uncomfortable because it’s stringing out the inevitable but none of them want to be the one to bring up the elephant in the room. 

Eventually, though, Michael sighs, and puts his fork down. 

“This is stupid,” he says, and Luke privately agrees. “Can we just talk?” Calum shoots Luke a worried glance, and Jesus, Luke wishes they would stop acting like he’s going to fucking break if they talk about it. 

“Yeah,” Luke says. “Let’s just get this over with.” It’s a little barbed, and he feels bad when Calum’s shoulders slump a little, because he is happy for them, he is, he’s just also selfishly unhappy that the three of them are now officially Michael-and-Calum and Luke rather than just unofficially. 

“Okay,” Michael says. “So. Calum and I are soulmates.” Luke nods, putting a forkful of beans into his mouth so he won’t have to say anything. 

“We want you to know it’s not going to change anything between us,” Calum says, and Luke chokes, half on a mirthless laugh, half on his beans. With a little difficulty, he swallows, takes a sip of water, and then speaks. 

“That’s not true,” he says. “It has to change things between us. It’s already changed things between us.” 

“You know what we mean,” Michael says. Luke doesn’t like the we , the us and you implication. That’s exactly what he’s talking about. “We’ll still be best friends.” 

“We want this to be an honest conversation,” Calum says. “All cards on the table.” 

“ All cards on the table?” Luke says, flicking a glance at Michael, who knows firsthand how spiteful Luke can be. Calum’s never had an argument with Luke like The Great Bedroom Bust-Up of 2019. Michael holds his gaze, and nods. 

“Okay,” Luke says. “You first.” Calum and Michael exchange another glance, some kind of unspoken soulmate conversation that Luke can never be a part of. A pang of something a bitter and painful hits him when he realises that not only can he never be a part of it, he can never have it himself, because his soulmate is fucking Ashton . He’s never going to have this, and, not for the first time, he lets himself admit that it’s the majority of what makes it hurt so much.

“Okay,” Calum says carefully. “I’ll just speak for myself. You know I’ve been in love with Michael since- well, uh, as long as I can remember. That’s nothing new. What’s new is that I know Michael’s in love with me too. And, uh, that we’re sort of together now? That’s new.” And yeah, it is new, because Luke hadn’t even known about that. Sure, he’d guessed, with all the hushed conversations and Calum calling Michael love like it was the easiest thing in the world, but it’s somehow different hearing confirmation of it. It stings more than he’d hoped it would. “Other than that, nothing’s changed. I still love you. You’re still my best friend, Michael’s still my best friend.” Calum pauses, clearly waiting for Luke to say something, but Luke just shrugs. He hasn’t got anything to say to that. 

“We’re not going to be all couple-y around you,” Michael says. “We know this isn’t the most ideal situation. But we’re not going to keep tiptoeing around you like we have been, so you’ve got to stop being an arsehole and actually support us. This is it now. This is how it is forever.” 

Luke has to swallow back the bile rising in his throat at that, at how easy it is for Michael and Calum to throw around words like forever. He only just manages to bite back a spiteful well, how do you know that? Ashton and I didn’t work out, and we’re soulmates , but Michael can see it on his face. 

“All cards on the table,” he reminds Luke. 

“This isn’t going to work if we don’t get it all out,” Calum adds. “We’ll just build up resentment otherwise.” And yeah, Luke can kind of see his point, because his resentment’s been building for the past six months already. 

“Fine,” Luke says, and it’s a little snappy. “How do you know this is forever? I’m living proof that that’s not always the case.” The words twist in the air between them, Michael and Calum on one side of the table, Luke on the other, and Luke kind of hates himself and kind of hates them. 

“It just is,” Michael says simply, like Luke hasn’t just taken a nasty swipe at his relationship. 

“I’m not taking sides if it doesn’t work out,” Luke says, partially to drive the point home, partially because it’s something he’s worried about since they first became friends. Some of the most stressful times of his life have been when Michael and Calum have argued and both come running to him, each expecting him to take their side. 

“We wouldn’t expect you to,” Michael says smoothly. “But you have to support us in this. I don’t want to have to take sides either.” The I’d choose Calum goes unspoken, but Luke hears it. 

“Say it,” he says, because apparently he’s some kind of masochist, and all cards on the table, right? Michael folds his arms. Calum looks like he’s about to cry. 

“I’d choose Calum,” Michael says, calm and even. The words cut straight through Luke’s heart, even though he’d known, he’s always known, that he’s second-best to both of them. If it had ever come to it, even before all this tattoo bullshit, neither of them would have chosen Luke. 

(He supposes that’s part of the soulmate business, but it doesn’t make it any less shitty.) 

“And you?” Luke says, rounding on Calum. He needs to hear it, somehow, needs to hear the brutal honesty, needs to hear their old friendship crumble all the way down before he can rebuild it with a new dynamic.

“Don’t,” Calum says, pleading. 

“Say it.” Luke’s tone is hard, but his voice wavers. “I need you to say it, Calum.” Calum swallows, hard, and Luke watches his mouth open and close a few times. 

“I’d choose Michael,” he mumbles eventually, and swipes at the corner of his eye. Luke immediately feels like shit. He doesn’t want Calum to cry. 

“I’m sorry, Cal,” he says quietly, and he means I’m sorry for all of this, and I’m sorry for making you cry . Calum nods, sniffing a little. 

“So you know where we stand,” Michael says, and he’s still calm, collected, put-together. Luke’s a little surprised - he’d expected Michael to be the one to fall to pieces, Calum to be the one to keep the conversation together. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, handing his unused napkin over to Calum for him to wipe his eyes. Calum gives him a watery smile. “Guess I know where I stand, too.” Michael looks at him, hard. 

“We’ve tiptoed around you for six months, Luke,” he says bluntly. “We’ve put all of this aside for you.” Luke swallows down the guilt that rises at that, because it’s true. They’ve put Luke first the whole time, ever since he found out it was Ashton, until the dinner a few weeks ago. They’ve been careful, they’ve been considerate, and Luke’s been a selfish dickhead, not letting them be who - and what - they are around him. 

“I know,” Luke says. “I- I really appreciate that.” 

“And?” Michael prompts. Luke sighs. 

“It fucking sucks,” he says. “I’ve always been second best to you two. It’s always been you two, and then me. And now that’s just- that’s never going to change. I see the way you look at each other, the way you touch each other, and.” He shrugs. “I’m always going to be an afterthought.” He’s almost willing Michael and Calum to contradict him, but they don’t. It doesn’t sting, though, this time, just a dull throb of hurt that Luke thinks might just actually be disguising his crippling sadness. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for his next words. 

“And I- I think my biggest problem is that it hurts. It hurts because I’m never going to have this. I know that’s my problem, not yours, but.” He shrugs again. “You guys really drive it home.” And because all cards on the fucking table , he adds: “It hurts more to be around you guys sometimes than it does to be around Ashton.” 

The words ring in the silence of the room. Luke thinks he’s never said anything more hurtful in his life, and also thinks he’s never said anything more honest. 

“Okay,” Michael says, and he sounds like he’s upset but trying his best to hide it. “Is that all?” Luke nods. He actually feels a bit better already, underneath all the hurt and confusion and aching sadness, because now they know how he feels and he knows how they feel and they can start to rebuild, start to move forward. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, because he is. “But you said all cards on the table.” 

“I did,” Michael says. 

“I’m glad you can be that honest with us, Luke,” Calum says, still sounding a little thick, and Luke presses his lips together. 

“I’m glad you can be honest with me too,” he admits. “I think- I think it shows. That we’re best friends.” It sounds stupid when he says it, like a ten-year-old on the playground, but both Calum and Michael nod sincerely, like that’s exactly what they were thinking. Luke has to blink back the tears that well up in his eyes at that, because fuck, he doesn’t deserve them. 

“I love you,” he says, and it comes out helpless. Both Michael and Calum smile at him, and Michael’s eyes suddenly look misty too. “I do. And I really am happy for you two, underneath all of this, I swear. It was the first thought I had when I realised you two were soulmates. I know I’m a selfish cunt. I just- I kind of needed to hear you say our friendship was going to change to accept it, to move on. I’m glad you didn’t lie to me.” 

“It’s okay,” Calum says. “Imagine how badly Michael would have coped with it if he’d been third-wheeling you and your soulmate.” All three of them laugh, but it’s choked and teary. 

“Fuck you,” Michael says, wiping his eyes. 

“You don’t have to tiptoe around me,” Luke says, swallowing against the lump in his throat. “I mean, I think it’ll still take me some getting used to, but that’s my problem. I’m happy for you, and I love you. And I don’t want to be an obstacle anymore.” He’s given up trying to control the tears now, because it’s Michael and Calum, and they’ve seen him in far worse states than this. 

(They saw him after Ashton.) 

“You were never an obstacle,” Michael says reassuringly, a little choked. 

“We made the choice to put you first, Luke,” Calum says, reaching over the table for Luke’s hand. “We might be soulmates, but we’re still nothing without you.” Tears are streaming freely down all of their faces now, and Luke squeezes Calum’s hand like it’s the only thing tying him to the planet. He reaches for Michael with his other hand, laces their fingers together, and sits there for a moment, crying silently with his two best friends. 

“I love you,” Calum says. “Both of you.”

“I love you too,” Michael says. “Mostly Luke, but yeah, you’re alright too, Cal.” Luke and Calum huff out shaky laughs at that. 

“We look like we’re doing a séance,” Luke says after a moment, when he sees Calum and Michael’s hands intertwined under the table, and Calum and Michael giggle weakly. He puts on a husky voice, and says: “Oh, spirits of third-wheeling, are you out there?” Calum and Michael laugh again, stronger this time, and Luke’s heart warms. They’re okay. They’re going to be okay. Everything is changing, but nothing has changed. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Michael says, grinning.

“We should probably feed the dogs,” Calum says, because Clifford and Duke have been huffing every few minutes for about twenty minutes now. Luke nods, and lets go of both Michael and Calum a little reluctantly, despite the fact that Michael had been about two seconds away from crushing his hand. 

They all get up, Calum and Luke to feed their respective dogs, Michael to start clearing the table. They’re in sync, they’re working in tandem, and they’re okay.

They’re okay. 

  -------

  Luke hasn’t been back to the dog park since that Saturday. 

He’s walked near it, walked past it, almost walked to it, but chickened out at the last minute. Calum’s words echo in his mind every time - you shouldn’t let him change your routine - and he knows, he knows Calum’s right, but Luke’s a bit of a coward and a big fan of taking the easy way out. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sit uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach, though, every time he turns left instead of right into the park, but Clifford doesn’t seem to mind. 

Clifford, Luke has discovered, fucking loves the beach. 

It’s not too far from the park to the beach, so Luke’s taken to walking Clifford along the water instead, letting him splash around to his heart’s content in the waves lapping at the shore. Clifford doesn’t even tug in the direction of the park when they set off anymore, just bounces happily along the road to the sand. 

Luke tells Calum, one day, who off-hand remarks that he’s never actually taken Duke to the beach, and Luke, once he’s got over his initial shock, says they absolutely have to go. Calum rolls his eyes, and Luke calls Michael to convince him to go and pressure Calum into going - which, in hindsight, not the best idea, because as Michael sensibly points out, he’ll probably get sunstroke before they even make it to the beach. Nevertheless, Michael agrees, and so Calum agrees, and that’s how, a week later, they’re all ambling down the warm pavement to the beach. 

“Jesus, I’m fucking boiling,” Michael grumbles, plucking at his shirt. 

“It’s December, Mike, what d’you expect?” Luke says, jogging a little to keep up with Clifford. “You’ve lived through twenty-seven of them.” 

“Fuck, don’t say that,” Michael groans. “I’m so fucking old.” 

“Yeah,” Calum says, with a grin. Duke’s padding along calmly, stopping to sniff at flowers every few minutes, much to Clifford’s chagrin. “I’m your toyboy, now.” Michael scowls. 

“Fuck you,” he says, fanning himself wildly. “Fuck. I’m getting in the water as soon as we get there.” Luke rolls his eyes. 

“You’re so fucking melodramatic,” he says. “It’s six p.m. It’s not even hot.” 

“Alright, just because you got all the Australian genes,” Michael snipes. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke says. 

“Blonde, blue-eyed, ability to surf,” Michael says, waving his hand dismissively, like it’s some kind of an explanation. 

“What? I can’t surf,” Luke says. 

“Well, you can stand up on a board, can’t you? Same thing.” 

“That’s not surfing,” Calum says, shaking his head. 

“I’m not taking criticism from you ,” Michael says, because Calum can barely stand up straight on solid ground, as they round the corner and arrive at the beach. The sun is slowly setting, glittering on the water and making them all squint. 

“I’m getting in,” Michael declares, tugging his shirt off and flinging it at Calum. 

“Me too,” Luke says, before Calum has the chance to say anything. Clifford’s whining, begging to get to the water, and Luke hands Michael his lead for a moment while he wrestles his shirt off his sticky back. He turns his back to Calum, reaching out for Clifford’s lead, but is interrupted by Calum saying:

“You didn’t tell me it’s grown.” 

“Huh?” Luke says, turning back to Calum. Calum points at his back. 

“The tattoo.” Luke frowns. 

“What?”

“It’s grown.” Luke twists, trying to see. Fucking tattoo. Of course he got his on his shoulderblade. 

“I can’t- I’m sure it hasn’t,” Luke says. “You’ve only seen it once. You probably just don’t remember.” Michael’s walked over next to Calum, and he’s frowning now, too. 

“It’s got a dog on it now,” he says, and Luke scowls. 

“Come on, guys,” he says. “This isn’t funny.” 

“I’m not joking,” Calum says, and he sounds a little confused and a little worried. 

“Do they do that?” Michael says, addressing Calum, like Luke’s not even there. “Do they grow?” 

“Mine hasn’t,” Calum says, tilting his head up so the sunlight catches the black ink on his neck. 

“Nor mine,” Michael says, turning back to Luke, who’s still trying to see his own shoulderblade in vain. “Here, wait, I’ll take a photo.” Luke stills, slightly grumpy, ready for a ha, ha, guys, I didn’t even believe you, what kind of a joke is that when Michael and Calum inevitably burst out laughing, but it never comes. 

Instead, Michael shoves his phone in front of Luke, and Luke grabs it and pulls it closer, because he hasn’t brought his glasses. He cups a hand over the screen, squinting to see, and he can make out the tattoo, dark and swirling on his skin. Waning moon, bird with drumstick - and, shit. Dalmatian, gazing up at the bird. 

“Shit,” he says, and he’s panicking, pawing at his back like it’s going to come off. All he can feel under his fingertips is warm skin. “Shit. Fuck. What the fuck? They don’t- they don’t just fucking grow, do they? Is this- is this, like, cancer, or something?” 

“What?” Michael says. 

“Look it up,” Calum tells Michael, who wrenches his phone back out of Luke’s hands and starts typing furiously. 

“Fuck,” Luke says, raking a hand through his hair. “Cal, what the fuck.” 

“Hey,” Calum says, soothing, reassuring. Even Clifford seems to have noticed something’s wrong, because he’s whining at Luke’s feet, no longer vibrating at the other end of the lead in Michael’s hand. “It’s okay.” 

“It’s- Cal, it’s not- it’s grown ,” Luke says, almost frantic. “It’s not supposed to do that. Yours hasn’t done that.” 

“I know,” Calum says, like he wishes he could offer Luke an explanation. Luke stares at him wildly for a moment, and then pulls his own phone out of his pocket. 

“What are you doing?” Calum asks. 

“Calling Ashton,” Luke says, because deep in his gut, it feels like the only thing to do right now. 

“What- Luke, I don’t think that’s a good-” but it’s too late, Luke’s taking a few strides away from Michael and Calum, biting his lip as the dial tone rings. 

It cuts out after four rings, to a scrambling and a surprised: “Hello?” 

“Hi,” Luke says, and he can hear the panic in his own voice. 

“Luke? Are you okay?” 

“Has yours grown?” There’s a pause. 

“What?”

“Your tattoo. Has it grown?” 

“ Grown ?” 

“Just answer the fucking question. Is there any more to it?” There’s a rustling sound, then a thud, like Ashton’s getting out of bed. 

“Uh, I don’t know, it’s- I can’t really see it unless I look in a mirror, hang on.” There’s the sound of padding footsteps, and Luke stares out at the horizon, watching the sun slowly lower itself into the water, counting the seconds as they pass. “Shit. Shit .” Luke’s stomach sinks. 

“It’s grown?” 

“Yeah. It’s- what the fuck? Are they meant to do this?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“I- what the fuck?”

“I don’t fucking know , Ashton.” 

“Jesus, alright, don’t bite my fucking head off.” Luke clenches his teeth. 

“Fuck you,” he says. 

“Fuck me ? Luke, you’re-” But Luke doesn’t stick around to hear what he is, hanging up and traipsing back to Michael and Calum, who are muttering quietly to each other, staring at Michael’s phone screen. 

“It’s grown,” he confirms, even though he thinks they all knew that. He didn’t have to call Ashton to confirm it, but somehow, he needed to.

“There’s something, but you’re not going to like it,” Michael says. 

“Tell me.” 

“There’s been a study,” Calum begins, and Jesus, Luke doesn’t have the time for this. He snatches Michael’s phone out of his hand and reads - study, London, tattoo growth, separate, choice. The words scramble in his mind and he reads the sentences over and over again until they make sense - a study conducted in London, into soulmates who experienced tattoo growth, discovered it occurred when the mates made the active choice to remain separate . 

Luke’s stomach lurches, and he feels the blood drain from his face so fast that he goes dizzy, catching Calum’s bicep to steady himself. 

“It’s a small study,” Calum says. “Six sets of soulmates. It’s not conclusive.” 

“Jesus,” Luke whispers, not even listening, mind racing. “Am I- Am I just going to end up covered in fucking- in tattoos about Ashton ?” Calum bites his lip unhappily. Neither he nor Michael can answer that. 

Luke falls into the sand, hard, and Clifford immediately climbs into his lap, sniffing at him, quiet and concerned. Michael and Calum settle down next to him, and Calum wordlessly hands him back his shirt, like he knows Luke wants to pretend it’s not happening. Luke pulls it back on silently, and puts his head in his hands. 

“Can I just catch a fucking break?” he mumbles, voice cracking on the last word. Two sets of arms slip around him. 

They don’t swim, and Clifford doesn’t get to play in the water, but they get to watch the sun set together, and in between his spiralling thoughts Luke finds the time to think that that’s something.

taglist: @glitterlukey @hey-its-grey 

chapter four

[crafiet]

1-50 of the writer’s ask thing, go!

BITCH UR RUDE AF

The Basics1.     Do you listen to music when you write?mostly yeah but it depends on my mood2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?both, i was a complete pantser up until recently but ive been trying to outline big scenes so i know where im going3.     Computer or pen and paper?computer for drafting. pen and paper for outlining/planning4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?not published, dont wanna be5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?none but yesterday i wrote 2k /shrug6.     Single or multiple POV?usually single but ive been trying multiple!! its hard!!! idk what voice is!!7.     Standalone or series?ugh again mostly standalone, but ive been dabbling in series8.     Oldest WIPmy spies one which went though a fantasy and scifi phase and was originally dystopian9.     Current WIPmy mages! i have no titles bc who10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?nup

The Specifics11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the mostuhhhh to be fair im v easily influenced so if i read a book and really like it i subconsciously try to implement that style of writing or try out that genre in my own work12.  Describe your perfect writing spacea desktop next to a big open window where i can play music without headphones13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polisheduhhhh i dont have a finished wip yet so idk lol usually: idea→ characters→ plot→ spur of the moment 10k word vomit→ more planning, outlining→ more words→ repeat planning and drafting until finished14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?i just take a break, read some bad books, read some good books, look at writing tumblrs and just marinate for a bit before going back in15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?i perpetually have it and since i dont have deadlines or a publishing contract i just ride it out, writing is strictly a hobby for me16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?i edit as i go, im onto draft 2 of my mages but its technically a rewrite bc i changed most of the plot17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?i have none atm, but i usually pick a time where i know i wont be disturbed/distracted so usually at night18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?idw collab sdkksdlkbnsd die19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?i just really really like my worlds lol conceited 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?i have!!! 5?

The Favourites21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?oh mannngggg i like all my protagonists, ary is the easiest bc shes the one i work with the most, but its super entertaining to be in remy’s head, and i like calyp’s bc hers is so different AAHH22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?remy and seth orrr red and kieran. if im answering this correctly? or do u mean types of pairings lol idk23.  Favourite authorhummm idk every author i really like have books i dont like so i cant say24.  Favourite genre to write and readfantasy25.  Favourite part of writingworldbuilding *.*26.  Favourite writing programgoogle docs. it would be word but im too poor to buy it lol27.  Favourite line/sceneidk if this is my favourite but“I am at least trying to be civil.”“I am being civil. You want me to yell at you? Turn into a wolf and fight it out like you’d want?”Kieran closed the file and stood. “I don’t—rem—”“Remember.”“I don’t remember you being so—” He searched for a word, but gave up and growled instead. Red got the idea.“Angry? Callous? I ought to reteach you the English language.”“I know how to speak,” Kieran blurted. “Remember, I spent twenty-four years a full human.”“And look how fast that’s disappeared.”28.  Favourite side characterwhat are side characters lol ENSEMBLE CASTS29.  Favourite villainossssshhhh probably michael bc i love him30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yetive started on all my wips im one of those bastards who can multitask

The Dark31.  Least favourite part of writingactually drafting lmao32.  Most difficult character to writeprobably christine bc shes meant to be relatable and down to earth and thats boring smh33.  Have you ever killed a main character?yes, not a pov one though34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?probably any scene that requires a lot of research on a topic i know nothing about, like hacking or sword fighting or whatever35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?bridging scenes suck theyre necessary but they SUCK

The Fun36.  Last sentence you wrote“My plan would go smoother with you involved, but I can find others. Many want his head.”37.  First sentence or your current WIPShe squinted in the harsh light.38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever hadugh this girl who could see deaths coming and she worked for the fbi but she was like 15 so she still had to go to highschool lol39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever hadprobably her, only bc i was 13 when i created her and was reading this banshee series but somehow didnt connect??? and didnt realise she was a banshee?? without the screaming40.  Share some backstory for one of your charactersomg all of my characters have purposefully murky backstories bc i find that trope cool af lol. i guess ary has that typical woe-is-me backstory where her parents were killed, she spiraled and got involved with the wrong people and then was betrayed and arrested lol

The Rest of It41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?literally i swear by: trying anything out. fiddle with pov, tense, perspective, genre, character identity, hell take a story you like and try to put your own spin on it. writing as a craft only gets better with practice and my best work is when im going outside of the box/my comfort zone42.  How do you feel about love triangles?is this even a debate anymore, this trope got flamed so hard i havent seen it in ya in years. i dont really care about it43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?good lol my outlines are usually done on the spot and i come up with more creative plots/scenes if i can think on it a bit44.  How much research do you do?i edit as i go so i research as i go. my pre-drafting research extends to saving links on things i might wanna write about and thats it lol. i would say i dont do as much as i should45.  How much world building do you do?a lot lol i LOVE worldbuilding. but i find it hard to incorporate it into my draft naturally so a lot of minute details get cut 46.  Do you reread your own stories?all the time lol i forget what i wrote half the time47.  Best way to procrastinatetwitter–OR if u wanna seem “productive”, writing blogs are a good way to get distracted48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?bitch there was a time where i only wrote self insert characters lol49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?im too lame to hang out with any of my characters. they would be nice to me but i wouldnt get to know them like how i know them from an author perspective50.  [Other question—ask me anything]u didnt ho

[pastelvirgil]

life update (if people //want// to reblog this i dont really mind (especially @randomslasher if you see this))

so ive only rambled about it a few times (in fic notes and also on anon to @randomslasher (hi, im the potentially adhd anon!!)) but basically i made an appointment with a Bona Fide Specialist to get tested for adhd bc it definitely explained a few things about, like, my entire life. and i did the testing, and yesterday i had the follow up appointment with the doctor, who confirmed what i suspected.

aka: i have been officially diagnosed with adhd/add/whatever you want to call it. 

so, my doctor prescribed meds for me (insert “and now i take,,, adderall” vine here) and today was my first day trying it. and i have had //the most productive three hours of my entire life.// i finished scholarship apps that i have been procrastinating on all of winter break, i was actually able to sit down and work on one of the scholarship essays i needed to finish (im actually practically done with it, just need to finish editing), i emailed the honors college adviser about study abroad scholarships for //that//, i emailed my other adviser bc a class i was supposed to take this semester got cancelled bc of “low enrollment,” plus other actual stuff i needed to do, //and// i made ramen!! and like, one of my thoughts was “omg is this what actual productive people feel like all the time???” the meds are definitely working the way they’re supposed to, not the way it would affect me if i //wasn’t// adhd. and other little things too, i guess: i always bounced my leg or tapped my hands or was fidgety in general without it, this is actually the first time ive gone on tumblr all day, i wasn’t distracted by the urge to go read fanfic or whatever, and for the first time in a long time my coffee was mostly milk and a little cream (in a much smaller mug than i usually have it, i might add). just. little things that add up and make a huge difference.

i feel //ridiculously// productive, more than ive ever felt in my life, honestly. like, looking at the time and realizing that tbh on a “”normal day”” i wouldnt have even gotten //this much// done, and the day is only have way through (its currently 12:45) and i feel like i can keep going, which hasn’t really happened for me before?? its sort of like being used to driving in fog, and the fog has always been there, so you never knew any different. it’s not impossible, but you have no frame of comparison to how other people are driving even if you’re technically doing about as well as them, and it’s not like youre immediately crashing and burning. but then there is no fog and you can see how much easier it is for everyone else (idk im not that great at metaphors but you get the idea). 

so anyways, i just thought i’d write this bc for some reason i occasionally share personal things on the internet to strangers (im getting closer to 1700 followers, which technically isnt that much but it still blows my mind and i care so much about all of you even though i havent made a milestone/follower appreciation post in awhile) and also bc lj said in the last ask i sent that if i didnt mind they would also want to know how everything turns out, but i felt like i had more to say than what could be conveyed in a few asks. idk.

anyways, that’s mostly it for now. when i get a chance, the next fic thing that will be posted is probably the second chapter of the fic i linked earlier (part of the analogical human au focusing on adhd logan in college bc i love projecting onto fictional characters) (i was waiting for all of my appointments and whether or not i actually had adhd/tried meds to actually write the second chapter- since it is mostly projecting and i wanted to //accurately// write what the testing/follow up appointments were like as well as what meds were like)

-emmy 

[k-bloggs]

Have an embarrassing read at something i tried to write a couple years ago. back when i was happy lol

My First Blog. – 20/11/16

Okay, so here goes. This is my first ever attempt at anything like this really. I have written before in many different formats and styles but I don’t know what’s come over me lately but I feel inspired to write again and I know as well as anyone else this isn’t a typical feeling that comes along every so often so by fuck I am gonna’ grab it and take a chance and see where I end up.  I literally just unlocked and locked my phone again there because I’m trying to have a proper focused dedicated mind to attempting this. I’m not even too sure what I’m supposed to do in a blog, what even is a blog? I don’t know but I know that I’ve wanted to start making a journal of things that are going on in my life but due the fact I am extremely lazy this may be very seldom so the next update could be quite a while so don’t expect anything too frequent.

Like I said I’m not even too sure what I am meant to be doing or how I am even meant to go about it, I am a firm believer in the fact that writing doesn’t have to be performed or practised in any particular way. That there is essentially no wrong or right way in how it is carried out or laid out, but I feel like I just want to do something a bit more productive with my life from now on. A long childhood friend has recently started doing animations and making his own videos and uploading them to YouTube and to be quite honest they are great, its so great to see something like that, the thing about Ryan Is that our friendship took a bit of a standstill when we were kids must have been between the ages of 8 and 10 at least. Ryan and his family were emigrating to New Zealand and as a kid yeah you see this as a big thing but you don’t realise the likelihood of seeing them as often is completely and utterly abolished due to the fact you have no idea how much it would cost to fly out there. Ryan must be around 18 or 19 now and I just turned 20 there this year, and its great to see we still have so much in common, to just spit it out and be clear after seeing that this is what he into it kind of inspired me to get back to what I love doing. I love writing. I’m not so much of a reader which is the weird thing, again all down to my laziness, if a book doesn’t get my attention within the first paragraph or so I find it very hard to stick with it or even go back to it if I do manage to finish a chapter. The same applies for the likes of articles and campaigns and any form of literature really. But I thought hey you know what it’s about time I started doing what I love and even more its about time I start love what im doing.

Just to be clear, this year has probably been one of the biggest milestones of my life. I finally did it, I finally got a girlfriend. Fuck. It’s still weird even saying that, so yeah I will leave the ultimate love story of the century to maybe the next blog or edition whatever the fuck you want to call this. This is mainly just for me to get to grips with the style that im going to write in, if I do choose to carry on with this (Which I feel like I will). If anyone reads this yeah, awesome im happy someone out there is reading my stuff but to be honest this if for me as much as it is for anyone else out there. I want to see what I can do and if this really is the best time to get back into writing, basically one side of me is saying yeah what the hell go for it you need something like this but at the same time as there always is, the polar opposite emotion of just fear I guess? Not wanting to pick something up again only to go off my track record and drop this 5 minutes later like I do with everything else? But hey its 7.15pm on a frosty Sunday night in November, what else am I going to do? Sit, procrastinate and wish I had of done something useful.

Not that im going off track because essentially there isn’t much to this article its just me spamming a lot of stuff down so who ever reads this can kind of of get a grip of where I am right now in life and basically why I’m doing this. So here goes, I dropped out of college for last week. For the second time…

Yeah im officially a two time college dropout, nothing t be proud of I assure you, but im just waiting for the opening credits to roll ad realise im in the first scene of a really shitty coming of age movie where im the older brother your parents don’t want you to turn out like.

But yeah, I left school at 16 and went to a technical college, basically an establishment which offers a-levels to people who didn’t get back into school or else didn’t want to go back to school. I studied a 2 year course in creative media production and honestly it was awesome, it was so fucking cool and the course didn’t have that many uninteresting or boring areas, but yeah you guessed it I was lazy didn’t do any of the work and just took advantage of the whole independent learning aspect of it and never bother showing up for class plus a whole pile of other steamy shit went on that year that we are just not gonna discuss at this moment in time. But coming towards the end of the second year when the course was gonna finish and In a couple months after that I would figure out if I got the grades to get into the uni of my choice I asked my teachers if they would be wiling to let me come back and repeat the second year of the course. They were more than happy to, they gave me exactly what I needed, a fresh slate and a chance to correct myself, and you know what happened? Yeah your right I totally blew it and fucked up again just hated the thought of working or studing in media for any longer. Like I loved making short films and writing screenplays and everything I even liked some of the assignments but basically I had it in my head I didn’t want a career from this anymore due to the fact it was something I loved so much and it was basically kicking my ass all day, all fucking week long. The only thing that got me through that repeated year of college was the girl of my dreams and we weren’t even going out yet. But as said before there is more to come with her, she deserves the whole word so the least I can do is dedicate one sole piece of writing to me and her and our story, truth is there are not enough words in the world to even begin to describe who she is and how she thinks and works and even jus to describe how she came into my life, yes a combination of letters on a page or screen may work for some people but no, not for her. This girl is a queen from another realm, she is a princess from a faraway kingdom, she is an angel from heavens further and beyond the highest clouds. She is the love of my life and that is the only way to explain her and who she is. But getting back to the educational fuck ups In my life, here goes the explanation to how I arrived here, 5 days after dropping out of another course. This time I was studying IT, you know trying to go down that route of career, thinking of my future and what not? Yeah that didn’t go to plan either, I basically rejected a full time promotion on good money and I hadn’t regretted anything as much in my life. Basically college was another fuck up and let’s just say I managed to get out and finished a bit earlier this time rather than waste my own time and anyone else’s. Plus, if I carried on with these next two years that would 5 years of studying A-levels just for me to be a whining little bitch about how I didn’t want to go to university. I am just at the stage of my life now, not where I am considering moving out and settling down but some things don’t appeal to me the same as they used to. Going to uni and living and experiencing that independence in life and finding a career path and devoting the rest of my life to something I may not even be happy at? Na, no thanks not for me. Not at this moment in time anyway. For right now I’m happy enough to keep my eyes and ears open for what all jobs are available for me and what foot to put next in front of me. Get a couple extra pounds in my pay check each fortnight and you know that might do for year or so. Maybe get back on the studying boat in a year or two and carry on with the IT. That is, you know if I don’t become like a stereotypical copy of a character you would expect to see in a ‘Community’ reboot.

I was watching a clip of Jim Carey giving a speech a couple of days ago and basically what I got from it was that he had returned to his old school or college or university or whatever in order to give a commencement speech or he was receiving his award or something anyway not really vitally important. What is important is what he said in his speech, basically his message he was getting across as in most motivational speeches, is the reinforcement of using fear to help you rather than to put you off, accepting fear and accepting that no matter what you will fail, but that’s okay and if it wasn’t for the fact that accepting it you wouldn’t have the drive to reach for greatness like so many greats have done before you, whether they have made it to great fame and fortune or if it was just the regular girl from a small town who made a life and career for herself because it’s what she wanted to do. Anyway, Carey says, “You will only ever have two choices, love or fear. Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” Basically what Carrey is telling us here is to embrace fear, don’t avoid it, stare down the barrel of its gun charge at it and conquer it, but never let it conquer you, never let fear become the objective always make sure it rises no more than an obstacle in your course, a mountain you must climb or a hurdle you must leap over. Defeating fear is never the final piece of the puzzle. Like walking in a straight line, you put your left leg forward and then do exactly the same with your right, repeat until you arrive where you need to be? Well, fear is that first big step. The first big step into a new world and a new environment and mind set and who knows what it’s going to throw at you. But you need to remember that it’s there to make sure you don’t triumph in whatever you set out to do, but you can’t move forward without taking that step. Then comes the next step, failure. And as stated before yeah, your gonna fail, your gonna fail and you’re going to fuck up and mess up and trip up, over and over and over again, this is the repetitive steps the same as walking that we take to go in a straight line, the same works with this. Without taking the same repetitive bullshit same old story steps in life, we will never reach the finish line that is success.

[goldshitter]

so im thinking of doing something impractical with my life, like dropping out of school and pursuing writing. i tried school, for three years i tried, ive been in uni on and off, always halfway through a credit before withdrawing due to mental illness. this semester i had 2 courses, 2, and i couldnt even finish it without giving up and being lazy and/or depressed. if i cant even do 2 courses, how will i manage the next decade? (because at the rate i was going, it would take a decade before i finished undergrad)

so maybe school isnt for me. not for now, at least. but im so scared. because if i don’t go to school, what’s even the point of my existence? i go to school so i can find a job, so i can write on the side. i can’t just skip the middle part and go directly to writing, right?

and my friends, what will they think? who would actually support a fledgling writer, who has a high school diploma and nothing else to her name? who lives with her dad and relies on her parents for food and finances while her friends are out getting degrees and working and and. who wouldn’t think i’m being stupid and wasting my education?

and my parents, im thinking of telling them i’ll be taking online courses because no way would i disappoint them like that. my dad moved across the country to live with me and support me so i could get through undergrad. he found a job here, went out of retirement, for me and the family. my mom is alone in toronto for me. how disappointed would they be to find out im not staying in school? and i come from a chinese background, while my parents aren’t overly traditional, i dont think they know a world without formal education in it. its what they had to go through to survive the communist regime and not end up farmers, and i think its the least they expect of me, to get through school. but maybe they would understand? im crying just imagining them understanding and supporting my writing career, but until im certain of it, im not risking their disappointment

and to write. to actually write. to get through the laziness and lack of motivation and actually build up a body of work. its going to be hard, because of depression, because of my own laziness. but unlike for school, its something im willing to suffer for, to push through, because i love writing, i really do, i get high off of it and live for it. i just dont persevere enough. but if i want to write as a career, i will have to

my boyfriend supports me, and two of my friends (who also dropped out of school due to mental health) understand, so i guess im not as alone as i think i am. but im so scared right now, so unsure and insecure, of my own writing capabilities, of my own future, but honestly, i dont have a future with school, at least not in my current state. so why shouldnt i pursue something i love and am good at, even while i wonder if im good enough to become published, even while i rely on my parents for support while im putting myself out there. im so scared because school is all ive known, its what i was good at, still am good at when i actually do the work. and to give that up, is like giving up my own foundation, and i feel so lost and directionless without it. only im not directionless. because i have writing. and i think im writing this not just to convince myself that i can do this (because that will take time. im still in denial about all this tbh) but to convince others i can. i want to prove people wrong, if they dont believe in me. but hey, maybe im making drama where there is none, maybe others will support and believe in me rather than put me down or tell me i cant do it. maybe their doubts are valid, because mine sure are. but seriously, staying in school uses up money and years of my life, and if i can’t even hold two courses down maybe i need to think of other options. and my other options include finding a job (but who would hire someone with a high school diploma who has no technical skills to her name? i could find a job as a barista but i dont think my energy levels can handle shifts at the moment) or just gaming all day (and i do that, but i dont want gaming to be the only point to my existence). so i’ll write. i still have to finish this semester first, im going to ask for standing deferrals so i can get extensions until the end of summer for my assignments, and deal with that. but i’ll also write, build up that novel in my mind and get it out, and ill start from there. because i have potential. and i feel like my whole life has led up to writing, it’s always been there for me, i’ve always wanted to be an author, the only difference is i cant procrastinate on being a writer and leave it to my future, it’ll just have to happen earlier than i expected

so yeah

my future

i desperately want people’s support but first i need to believe in myself, and thats going to take a lot of work to work through my doubts and continue writing

all this feels so surreal, you know? to decide in the span of a day to give up school and move on to writing full time is so mindshifting an experience, i need time to process and accept things. and again, i still have a few months to get through my current classes and talk to my parents and go to china and visit my family, so i guess its not going to start too suddenly. i just have to write everyday, now that im not doing schoolwork and want to pick up writing as a career

(until i get published though, ill never think of writing as a career in all honesty. and i dont think ill be taken seriously until i do get published. fuck, im just imagining my other friends hearing about this. theyre going to doubt me so much, but maybe not as much as ill doubt myself)

anyway

yeah

i need to cry and process things

[saffronstoats]

chat I literally only have like pretty much JUST refrence masterlist needed. I feel unprepared for this comic still holy crappp... someone give me an idea for a mini comic so I can get used to the feel of webcomics

i have more of a spiel under cut but I like keeping my posts short

other than that I need to work on jetfish, finish my asks, and make sure the silhouettes are far enough apart on all the lizards. also maybe do turnarounds or the every angle thing for each of the main guys. idk im procrastinating helpp... It's crazy and kind of even scary to know that soon my next task will be the ACTUAL COMIC

Like. what if I dont like it. what if actually my story plotting sucks. what if I post this chapter and chapter 2 doesn't come out for 3 years. these are the real questions folks

i technically have experience. slightly. but that's with more traditional comics, and this is REALLY ambitious. and it's gonna be the first comic I've ever finished in my life.

so please be paitient, I guess. it might be pretty cheesy or just straight up bad- I'd like you to tell me what's wrong so I don't do it again!

its kind of nerve-wracking, is all. I feel as though I'm not ready enough yet. but I hope I am.