#ITS EASY TO TAKE ON AND OFF AND I DONT FEEL SICK WHEN WEARING IT

[endrimer]

MY BINDER ARRIVED!!!!1 YIPPEPEEE!!!!!!!!! have normal in his binder as a celebration :DD

[whoisneo404]

u should write abt nick x his bestfriend!

maybe something abt how they r bestfriends and they have been for a long time and nick is starting to have feelings for him but doesn’t wanna ruin their friendship

good little angsty story with a good ending

Ik you will cook king🤗

Kiss the birthday boy.

Summary: You like Nick and he MIGHT like you too. we dont know. and its his birthday soon.

TW: reader is refered as ‘girl’ but not as in reader is a girl, as in ‘giiirl’.

“Which one do you think he will like the most?” Jake looks at me while showing me two jackets.

“Girl… none, buy that one over there, the dark brown one. He will like that.” I say pointing out a jacket hanging behind him.

“Girl, you do know him so well, that’s why I brought you here… and because you and Johnny are good friends, but anyways. Ill buy this, thanks.” He leaves the two jackets he had on hand and grabs the dark brown I pointed out and walked to the cashier. I turn around and start searching for Johnny outside of the store. “Johnny.” I say when I see him.

“Hi.” He says waving awkwardly at me.

“Ugh, I wanna go home.”

“Me too.” he hands me a coffee. “Bought this for you.”

“Thank you.” He nods.

“How are you and your… Nick situation.” I almost choked on my coffee when he said that.

“Don’t call it that.” I say wiping the coffee from my lips.

“What should I call it then? The ‘oh no I like my best friend and I think he also likes me but I’m not sure and I don’t want to ruin our long friendship’ situation?”

“Dear god Johnny, that doesn’t help.” I laugh a bit and he does too.

“Sorry… but how are you with that?”

“It doesn’t help that it’s his birthday soon?”

“Why?”

“I never buy him anything, I never have. I always gift him handmade things, he loves that kind of thing. But every time I sit down to write him a letter, I end up confessing my feelings, I can’t write something normal.”

“Rough.”

“Don’t even tell me.”

“You should talk to Jake.”

“He will tell me to just confess, it isn’t that easy.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jake gets out of the store and walks to us.

“Coffee.” “Movies.” Johnny and I say at the same time, the three of us exchange looks.

“Movies.” “Coffee.” We say again but the other way around.

“Okay babygirls. Whatever, I won’t ask if you guys have your little secret secrets.” Jake laughs and starts walking to his car.

Once Jake drops me off in my house Johnny gives me a thumbs up and I weakly give it back to him.

---

“Still nothing?” Madi is ‘sitting’ on my desktop, my phone is propped up against my wall and she is wrapping up the gifts for Nick on the floor of her room.

“I can’t do it. I just can’t. It ends up being awkward or I end up saying how much I like him and that I wish he liked me back.” I cover my face with both of my hands and let out a groan. “Maybe I should just tell him I’m sick and I can’t go to the party.”

“He will ditch all of us to take care of you.” Madi said smiling.

“No, he wouldn-… yes he would, he is so kind and lovely to everyone.” I look at Madi and she gives me an empathetic smile which transforms into a smirk.

“Guess who’s calling me.” she says in a singing tone.

“God no, tell him to go away.”

“Already added him to the call.”

“Madi! I need to fix my hair.”

“Too late.”

“Madi!”

“Hiiii!” Nick pops up on the screen, he is smiling and standing in the middle of the room. “What are you guys chatting about? Just so you know, I am deeply offended that you didn’t invite me.” He says while fake crying. I just stare at him, trying to not bury myself into de ground.

“I was talking to this guy about what I’m gonna wear to your party. But it’s a surprise so you can’t see.” Madi says.

“Oh, I like surprises. I’m sure the both of you will look amazing.” He says while walking around his room, cleaning it up a bit. “You guys are staying to sleep, right?” I quickly look at Madi and she mumbles something that I did not understand.

“I am…” I say quickly.

“Cool.” Nick says and then he starts rambling about how exited he is to see his friends and all the things we will do at the sleepover after the party. Eventually he finished cleaning up and grabbed his phone to lay on his bed ‘with us’. We talked about our days, I told them I went out with Jake and Johnny but didn’t say why. After two hours Madi go ‘sleepy’, that’s what she told Nick because when she left the call, she texted me telling me to enjoy my alone time with Nick.

“So, Johnny, huh?”

“What does that mean?” I laugh a bit.

“You and him are close. Well, closer than before.”

“I guess.” I say, I look at my ceiling. My phone laying beside my face.

“Isn’t he like… 5 years older than us?” I quickly sit up and grab my phone, putting it in front of my face.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like… isn’t he a bit older for you?”

“Nick… what are you saying?”

“Do you like him?” he says quickly.

“What? No. Why would you even think that?”

“I-… I don’t know. I just… fuck- it’s nothing, I just thought… I didn’t but I thought maybe you liked him and I don’t know. Look, it’s late, I’m tired. I’ll text you tomorrow.” And then he hangs up on me. nothing else. Nothing. Silence fills my room and I am confused. Why would he say that?

---

“I’m serious, he was jealous.”

“Madi stop.” The light sound of music fills Madis room as she gets ready to go to Nicks party. It has been two days since that call and I did not have the courage to text Nick, neither did he.

“I’m just saying. I have known Nick for only a few years more than you but I can talk, I know him.” She says applying on her mascara.

“I don’t know…” I lay on her bed, my legs dangling off the edge. “I just don’t know. I want to cry so bad…”

“Hey, hey.” Madi quickly drops her mascara and runs to me, she sits down beside me and I sit up, my elbows on my knees and my head between my hands. “It’s okay…” She comforts me, her arms around me. “You don’t have to go…”

“I will. He is my friend. They are my friends. I- I told Matt I was going to be there.” I mumble. “Also, I have to give them their gifts…”

Madi sighs. “If you need anything just find me. Okay?” I nod and she kisses my cheek gently. “Want me to do your make up?” I chuckle a bit.

“What for?”

“To cheer you up of course.”

“I think that will cheer you up more but, why not?”

---

“Wooow. Who did your make up?” Jake says as we enter the house.

“Oh, Madi.”

“Well, she did a great job.” Johnny adds.

“It’s only mascara, blush and… lip gloss? Lip balm? I don’t know, she put a few things there.” I laugh a bit.

“Have you seen the birthday boys?” I ask.

“Over there.” Jake points to the kitchen and I nod to them. I walk over there and let out a short sigh to brace myself.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” I scream opening my arms and hugging the three of them at the same time. I feel someone laughing, awkward hands patting my back and I hear a muffled ‘thanks’. “How are my birthday boys?” I ask when I let them go.

“I’m glad you came.” Matt says.

“I’m good! we rented a jumping castle.” Chris adds with a childish smile on his face.

“No way…” I say

“Yes way.” He adds.

“Take me there.” I hand him my hand and Chris drags me. “Happy birthday Nick…” I mumble as I pass beside him.

---

It’s 3 am. Almost everyone is gone, I lay on the jumping castle alone, watching the stars blink at me.

“Don’t you feel alone in that castle?” a familiar voice comes from outside the castle.

“Depends who is asking…”

“May I be of company to the prince?”

“You may…” The soft material of the castle moves as he enters the castle and lays besides me. “Well, I think you should be the prince because it’s your birthday.”

“It was yesterday, it’s already 3:20 am.” I roll my eyes and turn my head to look at him. he was already looking at me. “You look good…”

“Most of the make up already washed off.”

“Don’t care. You look good…” he pauses for a bit. “Chris and Matt really liked your gifts…” I hum. “I can’t help but wonder where is mine.”

“I-… it’s in my car.” I sit up and look down to the bright color of the castle.

“Why didn’t you give it to me?”

“I can’t…” I feel him sit up too.

“Look at me.” His hand grabs my jaw gently and he turns my head.

“When it’s late you act weird…”

“You think I’m weird?”

I chuckle. “You know what I meant.”

“No, tell me.”

“You act different… like a few days ago.” He nods, his hand still on my face. “Nick… I can’t.” I grab his hand and pull it away from my face. “Don’t, please.” My eyes fill with tears.

“I’m not doing anything…” I look down and I tighten my grip on his hand.

“Look. I know that you are more… sure about everything, more confident, more outgoing. I’m not. I’m scared…”

“Just tell me.” He whispers. “It will be okay, I promise.”

“Nick-.“ My voice cracks. “I like you.” I whisper, a tear rolls down my face.

“I know… I like you too.” Suddenly the cold breeze of the night isn’t freezing anymore. Time stops for us. His hands go to my face and he kisses me, the kind of kiss that can cure any heart ache. I feel alive.

“I’m sorry.” I sniff. “I shouldn’t be crying. God, this is so awkward. I was so scared.” He grabs my hands that were shaking.

“What do you mean? This is the best gift ever. And not a lot of people can say that the love of they life confessed at a castle.”

I laugh. “Nick, this is a kids jumping castle.” He wipes away the tears of my face.

“I know, I don’t care.” He kisses my lips softly one more. “Let’s go inside. There is taco bell and pizza, you choose what to eat.”

Nick grabs my hand and softly guides me out of the castle, I smile weakly at him and he kisses my cheek. Together, we walk inside of the house.

taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee @m3laninangel

[bl00dnb0n3s]

my plan to reach 75lbs by november <3

(for reference im 96-95lbs rn)

so my biggest struggles is being with my mom for a week bcuz shes always ON MY ASS!!!!!

-avoiding looking sick

ill always wear AT LEAST a skin tint around my mother because i start to go very pale and yellow, and always do my skincare and wash my face night n day, and always make sure to shower and keep my hygiene up and always stay hydrated.

-hiding my body

i HAVE to wear baggy clothes around her all the time, only sweats n sweaters when im with her and ill also have to make it look like my thighs havent gotten smaller (they used to be HUGE n now its noticeable whenenver i reach a new lw)

-hiding my disorder.

ill have to eat normally but i can ALWAYS portion my meals unless she prepares my dinner, lunch, breakfast. but sense i am finally starting school ill be able to say i had lunch at school and i wont have to worry about that but at the dinner table i cant act disorderd once so ever. no picking your food, no taking off bread crumbs, no try not to say no to fatty foods (thats real hard i always say no)

-fasting

i literally cannot fast at my moms no matter how hard i try she will always try and find a way to make me eat somehow n that triggers my b.e.d which is no good. and i dont wanna gain 10lbs in a week again😭 but if i do i can always fast for few days and the weight will fall off me so its fine for now? i just rather not binge i hate the feeling after i CANNOT handle it. but if i feel like i will im coming on tumblr and asking for meanspo

-calories

my calorie budget at my moms will be 1,200 MAX but my preferred is 700 cals but its very hard to stay under 700 cals when she makes me eat 3 meals a day n snacks. what the fuck. anyways as-long as i don't go over 2000 cals i wont gain a single pound of fat so yeah, and also i will try and cut out sugar when i'm there but its very hard bcuz she bakes all the time

-foods ill be aloud to have when im there

protein bars ofc, greek yogurt, granola, protein shakes, any meat, veggies, fruits but remember to count every calorie!

ill try to avoid getting fast food but if my mom wants to get starbucks with me im not saying no bcuz i dont wanna see her cry again😭

now my plan for my dads

sense he dosent think im disorderd at all and that im healthy its gonna be very easy :)

fasting

ill fast whenever, but try to spread them out and no longer then 5 days max (thats when my body starts to give out, i almost died when i did 6-7 days lol)

-NEVER eat alone. why? i dont have to if no ones making me eat? ill only eat dinner infront of my dad if its not a fasting day. (non fasting days are my omads :))

-eat downstairs when its omad. fasting eat upstairs n give the food to my dog

make it like you LOVE food (i have to do this at my dads n moms so) one way is by cooking!! i love cooking last night i made chicken n a low cal garlic sauce myself n my own recipe!! (lmk if youd like it ;))

n omads at dads r 400 cals max for dinner. if its over dont eat it all easy and try to binge at dads but thats really rare for me sense i have nothing i want to eat here 😭

NEVER GET ON THE SCALE INFRONT OF HIM. MY COVER WOULD BE BLOWN😭

[hellcatinnc]

My Next Life As a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! - Pirates of the Disturbance - Game Alan Stuart Review

Will Include Spoilers

Oh thank you creators for making this guy my type he is a sad boy/tsundere who is shy and blushes alot and is easily flustered. This is the kinda guy that I'm sweet on easy. From his greyish/white hair to the way he wears his sexy earrings... yeah Alan is my guy in this game. Rozy still has me curious though so we shall see. Anyways Alan is a good guy to the point he is always worried about hurting his brother if he was to let Catarina know he loved her. Its funny because he didn't even realize he loved her until she got sick then he realized a world without her he just couldn't live in. I also respect him cause as soon as he knew he was in love with her he went straight to Mary to call off the engagement they had. I mean she didn't want to at the moment until they could be with the person they wanted then she said she would bow out.

He is just so protective of Catarina, like when they get attacked by pirates he is willing to fight to his death if nothing but to keep her safe. He is a prince but he never lets it get to his head, he is still same boy that grew up with her. He picks on her about not being lady like and all but at the same time these are the things he loves about her more. He is adorable when he realizes she kissed him by accident. He gets on her and seems mad when she does something that can hurt her but I honestly feel like its to prevent from breaking down. He finally gets through to her how he feels and even in his last fight with Frederic I was so not expecting him to push her back and catch the sword with his hand. Like seriously dude is bleeding out yelling at Frederic that he will not let him harm Catarina cause she is the only on the matters to him and she is important. That was such a declaration of love that should make most girls swoon.

The CG's were beautiful in Alan's route and I really love how both of them eventually expressed their love for each other it was so sweet especially with blushing Alan awww he is always swoon worthy. I love in best happy ending they end up engaged though. I hated how Mary and Geordo made them wait almost a year to be together because everyone else selfishness of wanting her. I do love Geordo was willing to let her be happy with Alan however I agree with Alan his last words may have sounded nice but he was practically saying my brother fucks up and I will be there. I love his special show he puts on for her in the lounge as well. I don't know everything about this couple I love and I love Alan so much.

The alternate ending with Mary abducting her was plain creepy. I mean I always knew the bitch was psycho but she really proved it now. She would rather kidnap Caterina than let her be with the man she loves that was sickening to watch. The sweet love story in the mix of Ryle and Liliana was sweet to watch unfold as well. I hate on good ending although together its more in secret because Caterina has yet to call off her engagement to Geordo. Plus on this ending when she told Geordo he wanted more time he sounded more selfish in this part cause he made it sound like he didn't believe Alan could make her happy. I dont see how this was a good ending because Caterina talks about Alan being a dunce and not sure she romantically loves him. The doom ending being killed by Frederic was anticlimactic though if it was a doom ending would be more entertaining.

Alan really is a special kinda guy and I would say he is like tsundere, meets sad boy, meets best friend/big brother trope. He is a bit of them all and every interaction I had with him was either sweet, intimate, or I could feel how much he cared. I posted alot of his pictures but some of the things he says is even sweeter take a look at the video its the last scene where they announce their love. If your ok with the spoiler you will see how adorable they really are together.

[allsketchesnononsense]

I SAW YOUR POST ABOUT THE PSYCHOPOMP HELMET AND I HAVE TO ASK HOW’D YOU MAKE IT??

i wanted to cosplay her at some point in the future but i’ve never tried my hand at prop making or anything of that matter really so i can’t wrap my head around any like basic concepts to make the psychopomp itself 😭😭

sorry for taking abit to answer, wanted to make sure I was at my PC to answer so I can give Exact Images n stuff of what I got/used

warning: you're gonna need some serious power tools for this. alotta bits I had to get help from my dad bc he has SO MANY hobbies that involve power tools lol

SO

For the base:

you need a good helmet. n finding one of those ain't easy, so you're probs gonna haveta Make Do with something you can cut parts off of.

I used something like this, but cut off the parts that jut out at the ears and the lip at the front. The internal bit that keeps your Actual Head from touching the Actual Helmet is VERY helpful bc (atleast w/ mine) it wasnt a layer of foam or anything that'd be finnicky, it was just straps.

theoretically could also use a cheap-y baseball helmet though obvi you still gotta Mutilate it

For the accessories™:

The antannae are actual extendable radio antannae I harvested from an old boombox n another thing, but you can buy JUST the antannae online

the megaphone/satellite dish bit my dad helped me cut n gut a car alarm type thing and attatch it w/ this silicone stuff he had on hand

And the headphone pieces on the sides are a set of vintage radio headphones I found at a thrift store. these to be exact (they're not v rare n go for 10-30 bucks on ebay)

Though any old, chunky headphones could easily work. These were just what I had on hand. And, as a useful thing, the metal prongs connecting to the headband were perfect to easily bolt in place on the helmet and keep them flexible for easy putting on and taking off. The little radio speaker-y bits on the outside I added my dad had laying around though obvi not 1000% Necessary

And that's all really for the easily bought supplies

The front plate is Literally just a chunk of sheet metal he happened to have on hand, and added the bolts to. The fifth bolt in the middle is the only Functional one that actually attatches to the helmet

And the bit keeping the wires in place is a piece of plastic we melted to shape, painted accordingly, then hot glued in place. Added the screws to make it look abit more Cohesive with the rest of it.

The staples specifically on mine are holes drilled then w/ v thin wire fed through and twisted and trimmed.

Some smaller seams n details I added with super glue since it gave a v subtle raised effect, and bc it cracked in shipping I had to super glue some of the cracks back together Anyways lmao

also had to do alot of spraypainting to get it the right color. Make sure to paint the "accessories" seperate before assembly bc trying to tape off everything could end up Annoying and that way the metal bolts and the plate can retain their orig metal color to add contrast.

Also make sure you get Matte paint, bc it'll look goofy shiny. Preferably something meant for outdoor use bc those will have the more gritty textures you're looking for n its easy to find.

For any extra scuffing n details I did some dry brushing w/ grey and black acrylic to add depth. Best way to do it imo is add some drybrush with a scrappy old paintbrush then wipe away some with a paper towel

or just use a paper towel with a v tiny, thinly spread bit of paint

Hopefully this helps atleast some!! If you need more detailed shots of my helmet for better reference just lemme know, I just dont feel like going to grab her rn for a photo shoot lmao

Good luck w/ your helmet!! n be sure to post it lots when you're done!!

It'll be sick as hell to see how your interpretation turns out!

just be careful bout wearing it too long

start seeing things you're not supposed to

knowing things you're not supposed to

[the-s1lly-corner]

Tropes 6-11 with Itward

I knowwwww I just said I was gonna be skipping the body trope thing for a lot of these "writing speed runs" the only reason itward gets the body swap trope is because I keep coming back to dumb joke scenarios I used to make last year that.. included body swaps!!

BODY SWAP

He is not at all used to having flesh. He tries to be as gentle with your body as he can be, though that's easy considering itward doesn't take many risks when it comes to you..being in your body is no different. As an added bonus if you've been neglecting yourself he makes sure your body is in tip top shape when its returned.. totally not because he kind of felt like shit when he was inside of it.. that's only partly the reason. You, on the other hand, likely end up bumping your (itwards?) Head on doorways, not at all used to being so tall. You both definitely get a few heads turned your way when your dialects swap, as well as your general mannerisms

UNREQUITED LOVE

You were the one crushing on the skeleton, but given that hes constantly here and there you never get to see him much. You try to work up the courage to tell him how you feel before he runs off again to do... whatever he ends up doing while on his adventures. Hes eventually going to notice that something is going on with you, and hes going to ask. Hes very respectful if he doesnt return your feelings, being firm but mindful and letting you down gently.. he doesnt want this to ruin your friendship, but he would be understanding if you want to stop seeing him

MUTUAL PINING

When he has a crush he tends to get talkative. Very talkative, he just wants to spend time with you and build your bond. This leads to a lot of info dumping, where you take turns talking. He attempts to get into some of the things he knows you enjoy so you have a common talking point. On the flip side, if you want his attention offer to help him with his machines. Hes going to appreciate the help and it gives you his time. Very valuable stuff, you know. If you're available after, he might just ask you to have a cup of tea with him.. just play it cool and it should be smooth sailing!

DRUNKEN CONFESSION

While not a confession in the context that he he has a crush on you and you two arent together yet... but a confession in the way where you two are together but he spills just how much you mean to him. Of course, hes been drinking the special lemonade from ithersta.. sometimes a man needs a drink to wind down..! Very sweet, not really a crying drunk or a loud one. If anything he might get poetic.. though he isnt very graceful.. he just goes on about how hes lucky to have you in his life, how hes grateful that you stick around with him, things like that. Sweet man

SHARING CLOTHES

He catches you wearing his coat. He'd much rather you ask him before getting into his wardrobe, but hes not particularly angry or upset.. did you miss him? Oh you poor thing.. he makes a mental note to put some time aside to spend it with you. Like how he smells? He probably.. smells like..he looks like he would smell like a fireplace, and parchment. With a little hit of oil, of course from his machinery. Hes a little confused, but hes not going to shame you for enjoying his scent

DOMESTIC

Living in the flying ship with itward is a nice life. You both travel a lot, so hopefully you dont mind that.. hopefully you dont get air or motion sick either, as the rocking of the ship is going to be near constant. The home a chaotic sort of mess, though everything fits together to give off a cozy feel.. there isnt much to tidy up, but itward won't stop you from trying to rearrange things. Just let him know first! He does most of the cooking, finding the task calming. Sometimes you both watch the sky, on top of the machine as you two travel

[foxboyclit]

im coming up on my 2 year t-aversarry so here's some assorted feelings on that (put under a cut because i didnt expect it to get this long oops)

first off, im hoping i don't get sick again so i can actually have a tea party to celebrate. even if its a little after the actual date i wanna do something

it looks like i cant grow anything more than some light whiskers but i never wanted a huge lumberjack beard anyway and i still get to shave regularly which is very euphoric. im a little disappointed though because ive always wanted a full beard

body hairs been really good though! its filled out nicely on my arms and legs and i have a full happy trail i am so so happy about that

my doctor said she noticed my shoulders had gotten more broad, which ive heard wasn't possible but apparently it is! and i see it myself too. she said i have more of an inverted triangle shape now, and it makes sense because ive noticed my hips shrink significantly. now apparently i wasn't very curvy to begin with but dysphoria makes me see things that aren't as prominent i guess

its also almost a year since my period stopped and i feel so much better having my emotions and energy levels at a constant state. i never have to think about whether i forgot to bring pads i haven't had cramps in MONTHS it's wonderful. i will say, ive noticed cis women are more comfortable talking about their periods around me and it's a mixed bag of emotions. im glad i give off that vibe that it's okay to talk about it but i feel bad saying "yeah im glad mine stopped" or "this is what i used to go through" which is the most i can relate to now so im kind of...sad? to not be able to talk about it? but also when i did menstruate i hated talking about it to anyone other than like. two specific people. idk

my voice is leveling out more, it still cracks but not as much as it did i feel like just a few months ago? still not where i want it but im getting closer and i love when my voice cooperates and is deeper without those cracks. ive gotten compliments on my voice too when i use my lower register! idk if the majority of people read it as masculine or even androgynous but i like compliments

still getting constantly misgendered, no matter what im wearing but im used to it. at least all my family, friends and coworkers respect my pronouns

ive been dressing a lot more feminine than i anticipated. but im having fun with it! its okay if im actually more feminine presenting than fluid like i previously thought. but also i could have another big swing in the opposite direction. i feel comfortable and stylish either way so im welcoming whatever changes

the gender fuckery of facial hair, flat chest and skirt has been *chefs kiss*

my t levels are on par with cis men! just knowing that makes me smile. estrogen is still high but it wasnt a concern with the doctor so im mostly okay with it

my libidos leveled out nicely, it's still a lot higher than before t but its not as intense as when i first started. adjusting to it has been pretty easy and im happy with where it currently sits.

body acne has mostly gone away! and i haven't had any massive breakouts or changes in my skin!

i swear to god i went down at least a cup size. its been waiting for the right time to pursue top surgery a hell of a lot easier. i always felt like if i had a smaller chest i wouldnt necessarily need top surgery, and i still want it but im more content with my chest now

i think all in all ive had to adjust my expectations for how id look by now, maybe its the dosage or genetics or aforementioned high estrogen or it just hasn't been long enough but i always expected to look more masculine this far in. it's still something i have to deal with from time to time but ultimately im happy with my body and im more okay taking this slowly than i anticipated

i dont have a conclusion for this other than wow. testosterone is one hell of a drug

[kyyykingsley]

1, 13, 19 😊

1 - What song makes you feel better?

At first I had no fucking clue. Absolutely zero. I was gunna go with Its All About You by McFly because that's been in my life literally since I was born. I love it, it made me a hopeless romantic. But in no way does it make me feel better, it breaks my heart into tiny little bits.

But then! I remembered that Electric Energy from the Argylle soundtrack exists. That shit- i need it in my veins. Give me a lobotomy and put that song in instead. It's amazing. It's nothing but fun dance and that's all I need and want. That's all anyone needs. If that shit ever played in a club? Never seeing me again. I'd get too excited and just combust.

13 - What's your comfort food?

Now that I'm not sure- My go to is steak and it's very comforting to my hunger. It's tough because I do think steak but there was one meal my mom made me as a kid, it's a shit meal and wasn't cooked well but it was something. It was pasta, chopped up hot dog and sweetcorn. I know, sounds disgusting shoving all that in a pot and saying dinner but it was everything I liked as a kid and as a person who eats one thing at a time, it tasted quite nice. She always cooked it when I was off sick from school and yeah. It was shit but it was something. It was the very least and I was happy with that.

19 - Most important thing in your life?

You came in with all the questions I dont have answers to today. Teasing xx

Now this is gunna sound fucking dorky but honestly probably my resident evil necklaces. I have Claire's replica and an etsy made one of Jill's and I wear them constantly. They're my good luck charms. Apart from Claire's, specifically when I'm riding my bike (just a bicycle I'm not that cool yet sadly). Last time I wore it on my bike I smashed my face in the road and got stitches so not happening-

But, those necklaces have connected me with people. I wear them to work and it's how I got talking with my now best friend, it made it easy to find a connection with him that I wouldn't take away for anything in the world. You could give me Jill Valentine and I still wouldn't trade him for her. But her necklace was in part what got me to be friends with him so. And in part, they give me a confidence boost. Let's me take a bit of their spirit into my day and hone the energy I need in certain situations.

If I think of a thing that trumps that I will update but right now, that's it

[crimson-catalyst]

wrote my july 2022 neph prompt, "meaningful belongings" featuring Darius and @synoicus' Kira!!!!! enjoy im very proud of this one!

~~~~~

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you," one of the designers for this season's show wanders up to Darius' station, "where did you get your jacket? Is it custom? I love it."

"I-" Darius fights back the initial panic that surged when they gestured at his shoulders, trying to steady his voice to respond properly…

--

His phone rang, startling Darius from his reverie of staring blankly at whatever was on TV. Grasping blindly for his phone, he fumbled with the screen, eventually successfully swiping the ‘answer’ badge.

"H-"

"DUDE," Darius tipped the phone away from his ear as Kira's enthusiasm blew out the mic on her own.

"there's this TOTALLY SICK BAND THROWDOWN tonight at that club up on thirty-second!!!! Cold Brewing Storm and Zap Attack'll be there!!!! You're coming right??? Wanna ride together with me?? Toby said 'no' like a WEENIE cos he 'wants to get sleep tonight' or whatever."

"I…" Darius hesitated in the opening Kira finally afforded him. He'd have loved to. Of course he would've. But…

"I can't. sorry," he mumbled, pathetically. It felt bad. He could feel Kira's confusion in the silence.

"...that's the third time this week, dude." her voice was markedly softer, concern plain as day across the line, "You've been real down all of a sudden. Did something happen?"

"No."

Kira’s response was simply a contemplative pause, but of course that didn’t last for long.

"I'm coming over."

"Kira no yo-"

The call ended with a click and Darius snarled at the air as he lowered the phone from ear range. He furiously texted her instead: kira, dont. go to the show itll be great. kira. kira!!!! kira im fine!

She didn't deign to so much as leave him a read receipt. S'pose he should've known better; when Kira's mind was made up, there was little chance of stopping her. He sighed angrily, tugging at the unfamiliar t-shirt tight around his neck. He'd just have to stomach chatting with her long enough til she was satisfied and went home. At least she was easy to distract.

Ears flat back, annoyed with himself for even thinking this way about Kira, of all nephs, he shook himself to his feet and surveyed his immediate surroundings. It was pretty clear he’d had little energy to do much other than lay around on the couch feeling sorry for himself. He'd have to clean up at least a bit or she'd never believe his claims.

There was a knock on the door just as Darius put the last dry dish back in the cabinet. Flinging the towel across the back of a chair and slapping the trash shut - he'd have to take it out another time - he scampered to the door before Kira took his dallying as her cue to make more noise than the neighbors would appreciate.

He opened it just a crack, peering into the hall. "Kira I'm-"

"I BROUGHT SOUP," she barged the rest of the way past the door, past Darius, and into his apartment. "ITS GETTING COLD COME GET SOME!"

"Kira!" he helplessly trailed after her, the door falling lamely shut in her wake. "I'm okay this isn't necessary!"

"Nonsense," she yelled from the kitchen, her big, tinfoil-covered pot clanging onto the stovetop. "Where are your spoons?"

"In there -" he pointed reflexively before he realized he was enabling her, "but for real; you're gonna miss out on the show! You LOVE Zap Attack!"

"And Zap Attack," Kira muttered as she rustled around in his drawer, "PALES in comparison to how much I love my HOMIES!" she declared, brandishing a ladle. "So THERE."

Darius rolled his eyes, "please, I'm fine."

"I may love you but, full offense, you look like you rolled out of bed and right back into it a few days in a row, bud."

He grimaced. She wasn't wrong.

"And you're wearing a shirt. There's no way you're fine," she jabbed him playfully with the ladle. "ya nudist."

"It's! Comfy," he lied.

“Sure.” Kira rolled her eyes in return, turning back to the stove and tearing the foil off her soup to give it a stir. The little flames of the gas stove flickered tauntingly underneath the pot’s copper base and Darius felt queasy.

“You don’t have to tell me exactly what’s going on, man, but I know you; you’re stronger than this. You can own up to it when you’re having a rough time.” She drew the ladle back out of the pot, tipping her glasses to her forehead so they wouldn’t steam up as she sampled the soup. “Oh, good, it’s still toasty.”

Darius could practically feel his frustration building. “I’m an adult, Kira, I can handle it myself.”

“oh-HOH!” Kira whirled around and pointed at him again with the now-wet ladle, much to Darius’ chagrin. “So you ADMIT you’re feeling it!”

“I-” his cheeks burned and he grit his teeth, desperately trying to keep his boiling emotions in and incriminating himself in the same silence.

“Darius,” her voice soft again, Kira stepped down from the stove and closer to him. “I can’t help you if you aren’t willing to let me.”

"I"m FINE," he snapped, growling deep in his throat, but his mane prickled and crawled and he knew his game was up as a burst of flame crackled through his t-shirt.

Kira's ears flattened and she recoiled at the sudden heat. Upon opening her eyes again Darius had completely deflated, head in his hands beneath sagging shoulders and tail limp on the ground as fire leaped from his fur.

"Clearly," she remarked, insatiable need for snark getting the better of her.

"What happened?" she added more gently, "you can talk to me about it."

"I can't," Darius groaned, finally lifting his head and fixing her with a baleful stare through lidded eyes.

She poked him with the ladle, making a wet stain on the rags of his shirt. "Sure you can, this is a no-judgement zone."

He dragged his paws down his face. "No, Kira, its under NDA I actually can't."

"You got cursed on air-"

"mrmgmh NO I JUST--" Darius flailed wildly before freezing mid-gesture, and took a deep breath.

"I-" he looked around, strained, picking his words carefully "I… misused my magic."

"It wasn't during shooting and I don't think anyone knows it was me but I. It'll…" he growled in ‘legal bullshit’ frustration, "...it'll affect the season."

"Darius…"

"I KNOW. I know," he moaned, "I fucked up! It's a miracle I haven't been fired and it's only a matter of time before they find out. It's constant, Kira; the smoke, I- I had to take the batteries out of the alarm. And it smells like campfire in here, I'll never get it out-" he paused for breath, his thoughts finally gushing out in a panicked stream, and Kira padded around to sit beside him on the tile floor.

"And I'm-" the word caught in his throat, "I'm cursed. It's not like it'll go away; everyone - everyone - will know forever that I did it. That I-” his voice petered out into a whine, and he looked up at the badly-stuccoed ceiling, willing the tears he felt welling in his eyes to drain away.

Kira sighed. She knew he hailed from a conservative Nephfeist hometown, but this doom-and-gloom was so uncharacteristic for her normally overconfident friend that it was throwing her a bit off her groove.

“I know it must feel like it but it’s not gonna be the end of the world, dude.” she poked her own nubby sea-devil horns. “Mine’s a little different, but speaking from experience, I promise it won’t change you. Sure some assholes are gonna look at you funny but that’s their problem; and it’s their problem with spinx, not you, and they don’t deserve your time if they’re gonna be like that.”

“Gods,” he grimaced, “I can’t even stomach the idea of the looks I’ll get.”

“...and so you haven’t left your apartment all week?”

Darius glowered at her.

“I’d call you a weenie too but like… I get it, man. It’s not something you can overpower in your brain in just a day.” She patted his fluffy chest in lieu of his still-flaming shoulders. “I know you’ve got it in you but maybe let’s start simple today.”

Kira got to her feet and walked over to the chair she had draped her jacket across, the dishtowel underneath slipping down to the seat as she lifted it off.

“There’s no way this’ll fit you,” she remarked as she brought it back to the much larger Darius, “but if being seen is the problem-”

Darius winced as she threw it over the scraps of his unquestionably ruined t-shirt, waiting for the flames to blister through the leather - but instead to his relief felt them finally die back to smoke underneath. Kira bumped his chin up with a claw and drew the collar tight in front of him, letting the far-too-small sleeves hang limp over his sides.

“There,” she declared, triumphant. “Maybe it’s only a bandaid for now, but bandaids are the first step to healing: No smoke. No weird looks. No guilt.”

“Definitely some guilt,” Darius almost managed a smirk.

“Okay, fine, some guilt, but private guilt,” Kira’s eyes glittered happily hearing the smile in his voice again. “Baby steps.”

“...thanks, Kira,” Darius finally acquiesced, “sorry I couldn’t- didn’t say anything. It’s… a lot.”

A huge, goofy grin broke across Kira's face. “It’s okay, dude. That’s what friends are for, to force you into letting em care about you.” She put her arm around his back comfortingly, tugging again on the jacket collar with her other paw. “I’ll bring you a real one tomorrow, okay? But first: SOUP.”

--

Darius shook his head quickly to clear it, masking it as a part of conversation.

“Sorry, it was a gift from a friend,” he shrugs with his paws. “I’m not sure where she got it.”

“Drat,” the centicorn designer smiles good-naturedly despite their disappointment. “I’d have loved to see more of the line. Patterning tailored shoulders on spinx is a feat but that jacket looks great on you.”

“Well, thanks,” he smiles back unbidden, tugging on the lapels, and adds with a snicker, “It'd better, this one means a lot to me.”

[selamat-linting]

so anyway, there used to be this girl staying in one of the rooms our neighbor rented. lets call her F. one day F had to move and instead she stayed at my old house. i was too young for my mom to explain why but over the years i managed to connect the dots on my own. she got pregnant out of wedlock, her mom doesnt approve of her relationship and its not like the guy is eager on taking responsibility anyway. abortion is illegal here. and i guess somewhere along the way she had to lose her job?

anyway, F was living at my mom's place for a few weeks. i was a severe insomniac even as a kid and its nice to have someone to play with when i couldnt sleep. we watched animal documentaries and she taught me how to play board games like monopoly. during those days, she liked to talk about her siblings. especially this one girl who is a bit younger than me. F said she was a tomboy, and has always been a good, easy kid even in the womb. you see, when her mom was pregnant with her sister, they went through some marital problems that forced her mom to start working again. F was grateful her sister didnt make her mom sick so much and she was never a particularly fussy baby.

one day, F gathered the courage to see her mom again. she took me to her house. we met her little sister. at first i thought she was a boy, until i saw that she's wearing a necklace. it was the girl F liked to talk about. and she told me to play with her sister.

so we set off. this girl, lets call her C, she told me all of her favorite play spots. we walked around the fish market by the sea, we played in this park that used to be an old training ground for the military, it was amazing. i was ten or eleven years old at the time, and i thought C was the coolest girl alive. she could walk through an obstacle course without struggling, she knows how to fish, and she went on adventures almost every day. all i had going for me was that im good at browsing the internet and playing video games.

i wondered why C didnt have other kids waiting right by the door just to play with her. she was nice. definitely nicer than the ones i see at school. but then when we're in the middle of walking back, a bunch of kids saw us together and they start calling us a lesbian. C's cheery demeanor drops a bit and when i turned my head, she told me to just keep walking and ignore them. i remember feeling like i had to say something but i just didnt know what. years later, i think i know what kid me wanted to say, but by then it was too late.

anyway, we played again some more, and went back to her house. i promised next time we see each other its gonna be my turn to show her my stomping grounds (the internet). i ate dinner at their place, and F gave me a ride home. that was the last time i ever saw her.

okay no, not really. we met again. F decide to send the baby up for adoption to a relative of her ex-boyfriend. it was really sad. she couldnt stop crying. but after that, she seems to recover. at least she got herself a new job, a new place to stay, and the problem was over. on eid, she brought C at my house. yeah, C wore boy clothes on eid too. i was a bit envious of her ngl. we went on an arcade, met a kid who beg on the road outside the mall and she spent such a long time talking with them. i think C almost cried. she was a good kid. And then we played with toy guns, and C pranked a woman walking besides us by whistling at her. it was kinda mean ngl.

but thats it. there's no grand resolution. or any answer if F get to see her baby again one day. i went to middle school and liked another girl. F's visit got rarer and rarer and eventually become none as my mom moved out of our old house. with her gone, so as my continued friendship with C. we dont really have personal phone numbers as a kid and i cant find her on facebook.

when i was working at my first job, whenever i get terribly lonely, i'd get on a bus and stop around the fish market we used to hang out at. i walked by the bridge where she used to fish, near a row of stilt houses perched on top of the sea. it was almost like a pilgrimage. i hoped i'll came across C while walking around, or that i'll remember the way to get to her house. no such luck. pretty sure i'll never see her again, but i do wish her well. who knows man, maybe she'll taught me how to fish for the first time. i might know fish facts but i dont know shit about catching them.

[horce-divorce]

Getting in a fight with another resin artist on insta for touching WET RESIN with her BARE FUCKING HANDS in a REEL!!!!! When ppl started commenting she edited her description to say "obviously you should wear ppe, I just choose not to sometimes for personal reasons. Thanks for the concern tho."

Then she doubled down in the comments, when a few ppl said "I ended up in the hospital and have lung damage from improper ppe use with resin, you can get cancer, please dont give people the impression that this is safe," She literally responded with, "well I've been doing this for years and I'm fine, I guess our bodies are different." Literally "RIP to your grandma," ROFL. Someone commented mocking her by saying "its only harmful if I care!" She ignored that one.

OP then tried to claim that the resin in the video is already "dry" so its fine, even though she wouldn't have been able to work with it still if it WAS actually cured; and people continued to point out that even cured resin can still be dangerous in a lot of different scenarios, ie if your measurements are off. As someone who HAS worked with resin, if it's totally cured you literally can't do anything else to it except maybe sand it, and she wasn't doing that, she was smoothing it with her fingers. If the resin was pliable enough to be changed by that she should not have been touching it, point blank. Personally even when my epoxy pieces were fresh out of the mold about 24 hours later, I still couldn't touch them barehanded right away, they feel greasy and make your skin itch if you handle them too much right out of the mold. They aren't even done curing until at LEAST 48 hours has passed. There are literally other videos of her pouring the resin and then touching it with her hands before its cured doing the same process!!! And she keeps saying "I'm not touching raw wet resin" YOU FILMED IT? YES YOU DID???? WHAT THE HELL???? LMAO????

I left three comments: if it's not wet resin, how/why are you still working it; If it did harm you, by the time you noticed it would likely be too late; AND THE CONCERN ISNT JUST FOR YOU!!!! HOLY SHIT!!! People think these are how-to videos, people are HASTY AND FOOLISH, they will NOT read your comments/desc, they will think- LIKE YOU- "oh this 1 person is fine and I see so many fingers in resin videos so it must be ok then bc everybody's different! 🤪"

Honestly the extreme accessibility to these chemicals makes me sick. I say that as someone who IS STILL USING RESIN to make some of the things I'm selling. I'm working very hard to find a different material to replace my UV resin (and polymer clay tbh) because after working w resins for about a (1) year, I've come to conclusion that NO REGULAR CONSUMER SHOULD JUST HAVE THEM, INCLUDING ME!!!

To work with resins you should be required to take a class and get certified, not just in handling the material itself but in the safe disposal of uncured resin AND MICROPLASTICS. We should be treating this craft like metalworking and glassblowing, not like a super fun cool easy cheep entry level anyone can do it DIY silly crafty times.

If you want to know more about how harmful resin can be and you're on Facebook, there's a group called Epoxy Is Not My Friend that has tons of firsthand accounts. Otherwise just check out YouTube, I found lots of former resin artists who had to stop bc they didn't know they had to use proper ppe and they got either very hurt or very sick and many who had long term effects 👍

[pwblogarchive]

September 2007

September 11, 2007

“folie a duex”

sometimes the planets align

sometimes they dont

its like how part of my childhood was stolen when they took planetary status away from pluto

well be there one day

honestly i dont mind you saying fuck you to me-

when you included the "horse you rode in on"

it kind of went to hell

i am sick- like i cant ever get enough sleep or time or words

as this thing grows i become more and more insecure.

cant look anyone in the eyes-

i am paranoid- worried sick that i am not good enough for anyone who looks at me

i know how ridiculous this sounds

trust me

the new video makes me feel the big black sadness

folie a deux is the idea of shared madness- the scientific term for romeo and juliet

i have a feeling that we share that with eachother when you have your headphones on

currently working on: taking it easy-

dont mean to be so heavy just want you to know why i look so gray sometimes lately.

September 14, 2007

after the pornstar john holmes career deflated he turned to showing up at LAX and stealing peoples bags off of the conveyor belt.

i watched someone do this to me at the airport today.

i am obsessed with the change that can turn in the world.

that is what our new video is about.

why was every question about 'how bad is britneys performance gonna be' and not about anything that truly matters in this world.

sometimes the message is more important than the art.

later on we will release a remixed version that includes more of our personal experience in africa.

for now i am content to see the love between these two and the way the civil war that rages around them affects it.

its hard to imagine that they are just like the kids that show up at our shows, only born in a different country...

vintage louis vuitton bags under the eyes

the marlbo-glow

i need him more than he needs me, he needs her more than he needs me and so on.

theres nothing new under the sun

but were reading on existentialism in the shade.

i am so in love with YOU and the idea of YOU listeing to the music and singing the words.

i know its weird but i like to imagine what you are thinking when its playing.

if it werent for that i am not sure where i would turn.

i guess this is another halfhearted thank you. just because you keep tuning in.

"dont you think its insane how donald duck never wears pants?"

life is better when youre around.

but yes i do think its insane.

September 22, 2007

eyes the size of the moon.

iron and wine "the trapeze swinger"

Posted by xoat 1:35 AM

September 26, 2007

isnt it ironic how "ironic" has no ironies in it

havent slept in days.

think i am starting to crack.

my room is thrashed, covered in matter that doesn't matter and i almost cried while watching garden state- i think its not funny anymore.

sick of watching what genius is.

sometimes genius is being completely ordinary.

when i look up at the sky i want to eat the stars.

its daylight again, everything goes back to being boring.

nothing too much to say. just gonna watch the world spin this

Posted by xoat 1:17 AM

September 28, 2007

i dont know if has been apparent or not but in the past year or so i have become so insecure its insane. it blows my mind everytime i leave the house i feel weird. strange. i feel like everything i do ruins something of my friends or my band or the songs i love. i feel like i am constantly on the defense, like i have to work so hard just to make people not hate me that i am not even myself. i havent been able to look the front row of the crowd in the eyes and hide in the back most of the time because i am so insecure with myself.

but for some reason tonight that all changed. the show tonight i connected. i felt the electricity. the light came back on. it felt so good. thank you to all that were there.

sorry. not trying to be a downer or a "poor me" kind of thing, its just been a weird adventure. it feels good to plug back in. this journal entry was one i wrote a year ago this week when i think i was pretty sure id die at age 27 (glad i didnt):

"i couldnt stay away.

the words are obsession and always have been.

heartache lite. diet love.

i am a catch and release boy.

kind of.

put summer in a pine box.

i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.

making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.

my hips are dry docked.

love is incidental.

the best verus the rest.

'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.

ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in the skin.

noone gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking.

besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.

its become apparent that there may be no one thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.

were "out of the woods"

but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.

eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.

or somewhere in between.

i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes."

the smiles lately have all been real. except sometimes its hard to smile when theres a camera in your fae and your just trying to get through the day. gonna try to fuck up less. nothing poetic about it: maybe things are about to get better, maybe theyre gonna get darker. i am in love with everything that is broken and sometimes i like it that whats broken is in love with me. forever kids are magnets for eachother.

anyway, finally got the chance to catch up on my insomnia and read a bunch of your letters. they keep my head straight when i get it cloudy. thanks for sticking it out with me- not like as some guy on a stage- but as an honest connection. it means alot.

ok back to being negative and pouty.

sleep tight or have a good day.

[sunflowerinpearls]

Husbands' words are not matching actions and vice versa. Hes been "venting" to "me" in front of our oldest (turning 16 may 10) on our "current" marriage?....problem(s).

I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and one time he asked me to play a song so I for one am so plugged up i cant really hear much, sometimes even music is too loud (sensory processing disorder) and I guess i didnt even hear him say something and the child caught on to what was happening and said "you're ignoring dad again"

So i spoke to her instead of him since she said it, & I said "I didnt ignore him. I didnt hear him. I was hyper focused on the song he requested me to play."

And then he went on just one of many other rants in front of her, asking "you dont think I ever hyper focus on anything? When Im home on my days off, I feel like im your servant" All day anytime I asked for help, to him I was demanding it and not appreciating stuff he did and then he would not stop talking about every single thing he did today around the house and for our children and its like.... ok cool.

And people get paid to do what i do here at home, every single day all day long. Didn't say it would be easy, however I did ask for help. He tried to say he understands im frustrated bcuz im home all day and i guess i interrupted and was rude bcuz i said "Its not THAT, at all" (cuz its...not?) Lastly i stumbled upon his fave song & started playing it & asked him to plz get me my night meds bcuz I am so fucking cold to the touch, esp to others. And moving makes it hurt.:// He said "You can just not play the song now. Thanks." So uhh.. Like all I am learning here is 1) I need to stop asking him to help me w/ literally anything and like he has said in the past which I clearly shouldve listened to: "If you (*me doing this: "cough" "cough") WANT something RIGHT NOW!, I'll have to get up and get it myself or wait until I he is ready to do it." And 2) I've been right all along. I cant count on even my own Husband so like uhh.... okay. And Now to him, I'm just a burden. Let alone ya know, i guess having influenza and not doing shit around the house "today" (literally just today, and actually, i still did some stuff which is better than none lol) and hes acting like he deserves a fucking gold medal. For what? Being a husband a father and taking responsibility of everything whilst your wife is ill? K. Never asking you for shit now. Ill send lists to him at work if the house needs anything. He hasnt had sex from me in a month because for the past 2 months steady, I have been sick with an upper respiratory virus affecting my asthma and everything else and now this so uhh, my bad. Next time I'll just faint (again) & hit my head probably (again) and then maybe, theyll see that hes just gonna send me by myself and come pick me up when Im done being in there because he has to sleep for work tomorrow. Not to ya know, dare mention that if the bulging disc in my spine "RUPTURES", all signs & symptoms of paralysis will hit fast & clearly that would become a huge Emergency Situation... So I was "told to do it anyway" by him even after explaining the deck was covered in thick broken shattered ice chunks and with my slip on shoes that are the only shoes i can wear, I told him "I'm not doing that" and now it's my fault it was left outside until when he came home (3 1/2 hours before home). I feel as if my health is a major burden to him and maybe its time for me to get an inhome nurse... Some people just arent built to take care of anyone else. And maybe idk, maybe he is starting to see that I a really honestly, not in love with him at this point anymore. Maybe tomorrow or next month or next whatever, or maybe never will I be back in love with him.It seemed to me like the exact day that he was hired on as a manager at his workplace, things shifted. He dropped a huge bomb on me. I had to then last night, inform my family that I'm doing gene testing to see if i am a carrier of a breast cancer gene for reasons. They're also testing for thyroid & ovarian seeing as those run heavily. My chances before gene testing was uncomfortable to talk to our 3 kids about but they were as accepting as they can be, as their Mother my main priority should be my health so that Incan get better so that I can continue to do what I freaking LOVE DOING SO MUCH!!!!!! Like I truly do so why continually, continually say outloud in front of the 3 kids that "well I've done all of this and all of this because you asked for help" and it all started over me asking him if he can take lily her cup of water since shes coughing so badly. My flu/asthma/sinus shit is awful and my heart problem make it hard for me to walk sometimes let alone climb stairs.... He's acting like he deserves a gold medal when im always keeping the house up and im not doing that. What im doing is showing him what all i have to do during the day, some updates on what i dod and whatever else i wanna send.

I told him that its unfair to us completely that he doesnt turn off "Manager" when he walks through the door. He had a conversation to me and said hes not gonna be able to shut that off when he comes home and he has to take on so much responsibilities and he feels like he needs to be inside the house alone without myself or the kids or the pets for like half a year to get his straight. Bruh. Like no. Just do better. Idk how many people told me that Id never do this and id never do that and here i am proving them wrong every single day.

But every time he speaks to me like this, I am taken back to a time where I was told "your mother never should've made you." At i think 4-5 years old? I am disabled for many reasons. And I can tell everyone all the time until I'm fucking blue in my own face that, when I say that I cant do something and I ask for help, the help is met with a "your legs work" or "you're capable. You just dont wanna wait" No duh. Thats why i said "now please". Would you rather I give you another reason to hit me 3x flat-cupped handed times on my face again and say that "If I wanted it right now and could have gotten it right now for myself"

Im tired of asking for help and being treated like nothing other than a burden and his biggest fucking problem. How was I supposed to know that I was going to this sick on your 2 days off and that every time I asked for anything, you were upset.

I guess i was right and I'm just a different person now because of trauma processing and healing. But being sick enough to make 4 separate appointments during the 2 month span and if this gets worse, this one too. So I feel like he wants me to say something to him or do something for him, but all Im getting from this is "do not ask me for anything". Isnt your spouse supposed to be the one taking care of you when youre sick? Hes already lost me emotionally. And right before our ten year wedding annivarsary. Cool.

Advice?

[studiousbotanist]

jace 1-10. And 21

WOOHOO!!! ty naomh :) time to begin the questioning, answers under da readmore

WOW the formatting has gotten so annoying for posts . BUT

1, Do they have any crafting hobbies? Yes ! he's into whittling, it's an easy stim to do all you need is a pocket knife w a decent edge. He's thought of trying to do bigger projects than making little shapes, but has never gotten around to it. He's tried knitting with his sister but he's never gotten very far (and usually his stuff is pretty lopsided.) he loves woodworking also but since moving in with jenna there isn't enough space for it (or rather, thats his excuse . makes him think too much of their parents.)

2 Do they wear perfume/cologne? If so what scents do they prefer? sometimes! i won't lie to you, if he doesn't need to go anywhere or is just hanging out at home he usually forgets deodorant even . doesn't think about it LOL . but he likes the bath and body works sprays, goes for the fall themed scents like apple crisp . likes amber currant focused ones ! 3 Do they enjoy cooking?

not a single bit . enjoys food well enough but hates taking the time to prepare anything, so if he doesn't get food w friends or get roped into making something w his sister then he'll eat chips (EDIT: FORGOT ABOUT HIS LUST FOR GRILLED CHEESE . the only thing he likes to make or will .) 4 Do they enjoy baking?

this is definitely contradicted, but Jace is pretty contradicting but he likes making bread and cookies . in his mind, cooking and baking are very, very different . if given the opportunity he would definitely love to make something for wally and oscar !! and in the absence of hanging out with rose, he's definitely missing it 5 Do they have any tattoos? If so what are they and do they have any special meaning

(looks up his page to make sure i dont forget details) He has light grey barbed wire tattoos over his top surgery scars (anchor style) . you can still kind of see the scarring but not as much . He also has a pink hibiscus tattoo on the right side, front of his neck, if you were facing him it would be the left side of it ! also has a cluster of three green hyacinths on his left inner wrist, with dark green vines going from the bottom of his palm to the start of his inner elbow . he also has a terrible stick n poke garfield tattoo on his left outer thigh . ive waffled on whether it'd be an unnamed friend who gave it to him, or rose, but it hink its funnier if rose did it :)c theres also one i dont have on his sheet, because it wouldn't show up in the campaign and i can dm you it ... :)c 6 If they were badly injured, and for whatever reason couldn’t go to a hospital, who would they go to for help?

pre-campaign, he would go to his sister, otherwise contact rose or try to take care of it himself . during campaign he would reach out to wally first thing !! 7 Do they have any unusual fears?

going off the cuff rn cause ive BEEN considering what he would have, a fear of bugs is pretty common . but i'll certainly say he gets very nervous around bananas . one time when he was a kid he was looking thru them for his dad while going shopping and there was a bunch of bugs underneath a very neglected bunch . and well, he can't stomach them anymore and is always Very Sure one would just burst open full of bugs !!!! also open flames (campfires are ehhh . candles are okay) no good reason LOL . 8 Do they collect anything? If so what and why?

bottlecaps . likes to try a lot of different local beverages esp in glass bottles for this reason, he has a corkboard with a bunch of different ones organized by color hung in his room ! likes to see the unique designs people come up with . also novelty shot glasses , rose got him a couple touristy ones on a trip out of town, and makes it a point to get him any cool ones that catch his eye . 9 When they’re sick what do they do to feel better?

get under as many blankets as possible and play anything by simon & garfunkel . THE MORE WEIGHT THE BETTER !!!!!!!! and ghost energy drinks . 10 Do they have any regrets?

not standing up for jenna more, growing up . Its ABSOLUTELY one of those "you were a kid what could you do!" kind of deals but he still carries it on his shoulder . Wishes he paid more attention in math class, definitely skated out of there by the skin of his teeth and for some reason when he lies awake at night he thinks some things would be better if he could do algebra without a calculator . not being more honest about his feelings . 21 What is more important to them, friends or family? oooooooo . this is a doozy . its SO damn circumstantial !!! stuck on this . stuckstuckstuck . my heart says he would say friends are . don't get me wrong, his sister means the world to him . and his cousin, despite how they butt heads, is too . but there are some friends who are irreplaceable . so, friends . definitely .

THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS !!!!!!!!!! i'm copying all this down and putting it in his folder so i dont forget what ive said .

[sixtypackofcrayola]

Ooooohh❤️❤️❤️ Lovesick Monkey King and Maquace are adorable!! Can we have MK, RedSon and Nezha affected by a love potion too?? Pretty please🙏🙏

well since ya asked so nicely

✰ LOVESICK (Part 2) ✰

Fandom; LEGO Monkie Kid Character List; MK, Red Son, Nezha Genre(s); big helping of Fluff for ya Pronouns; None used for Reader TW/CW; None

A/N; you can read lovesick for macaque and wukong here if ya like + i dont think nezha can get any kinda sick but its ok :smile:

🌷

-I think Nezha would realize what’s going on and try to fight the effects for a bit, but inevitably he’s done for  -And once they are completely under the effects, they’re like a mix of Wukong’s clingyness and Macaque’s nonstop flirting -Ik I say this a lot, but ohu boy -Nezha isn’t usually super touchy, but once you come around/he sees you he is all over you. Craves their partner’s touch even more, loves feeling you close to him, holding your hands or face -Put your arms around his waist they will internally lose it -They’ll gently take your hand and kiss it n call you prince/princess -He’s oddly poetic with his words sometimes when he flirts with you, expect a bit of flowery language  -Suddenly very forward but also easy to fluster so keep that in mind -Smoother tone, speaks a bit softer  -Again, expect flowers -A little more protective, kinda looms behind you. If you two happened to be in public with them disguised, they wouldn’t give anyone you talk to a dirty look per-say, but there’s definitely this aura. Not inherently scary, but enough to make someone slightly more careful with what they say to you -He seems to smile more with you too, no matter what you’re doing. They’re enthralled by how you manage to be stunning with every little movement -If he could still partially think clearly and didn’t know they were under some kind of influence, he’d think they were definitely sick. Except they don’t get sick.. so after that he’s lost -I’m not gonna say the title.  -Alternate scenario; they’re like half under the effects bc Nezha is just less affected by things like this. And they say and do all these things but occasionally after there’ll be like a moment where they partially snap out of it and just; “That was so- Gods, I’m sorry for that, I- I mean it’s not like it isn’t true! It’s just.. bolder than how I would’ve.. Sorry-” ‘n get a little flustered over what he said to you -Their thoughts are flooded with you and it’s not that they hate it, it’s just overwhelming, all these loving emotions suddenly amplified by like 20 -”When does this wear off...”

🔥

-Someone’s getting a bit possessive  -Will always try to keep you close to them, they want you to themselves -And it’s not really harmful,, they wouldn’t dare hurt you and they’re not gonna capture you or anything. If you do wanna leave they’ll eventually let you! They just really want you with them,, -Not as physically clingy as some of the others, in fact, you touching him at all especially if it’s a loving touch like holding his hands, arm, face or kissing him anywhere will set his hair aflame -And if you weren’t already together, they would try to deny at least some of what he’s feeling towards you and how their face gets so red when you merely lean on them, but inevitably they’ll break as well -Obsessed with you, everything you do, your reactions to him. They’re suddenly even more aware of every little detail that makes you you and he’s simply falling faster -Tries to impress you with his magic or one of his newer creations and if you say you like it he’s beyond happy. I can just see the floating hearts my guy -Will get you anything you ask for. Want this specific item? Say no more! Craving a certain food? I mean, in his words he’s practically a professional cook so don’t even worry about it -Also might ask you to marry them, y’know as one does. A few times throughout the day when you’re just doing anything. Lovesick, bro. -Roll credits -And later would actually approach you with a ring and everything and ask you to marry them,, like, right then. -And if you say it’s probably too early for that he’ll get a bit upset, but they’ll ask if you’ll marry them one day at least because they are absolutely in love with you and if ya say yes they’ll still give you the ring and promise to get you an even better one when you do get married! 

💫

-Basically, like father like son -Also annoyingly sweet and cheesy with all the pet names he can think of, except he’ll actually use your name sometimes -Distracted by you while doing anything. The most wholesome thoughts from this man he just really wants a bunch of kisses from you and for you to tell he’s pretty because he’ll certainly be telling you that all day! -Stares at you lovingly if you’re farther from him, heart eyes and all -Pages full of doodles of you in his sketchbook with little hearts around -If you aren’t together quite yet he will definitely be embarrassed of and hiding those from anyone after this wears off -Also gets flustered with even little touches you give him and he’s tryna play it off but... no -Praises you for just normal things you do. You could just be wiping down a counter and he’d be like; “Wow, you’re uh- Really good at cleaning! Heh-” -Attempts to flirt, half fails but it’s cute -Either he trips somehow and you catch him and the way you look at him has his heart doing flips or he’s distracted by your beautiful face when he tries to- -Will ramble about you if he’s with others even if you’re around and he’ll say the sweetest things about you but he’s been going on for several minutes -Subtly but no so subtly tries to keep you to himself for the day. He doesn’t really wanna force you to stay with him but- -”Oh haha sorry! Me and [Name] are- gonna go doing something right now! Together! Us, together! Going to- somewhere! Yep, haha- uh, my bad but we gotta go, kay byeee!”  -Wants to spend as much time near you as possible, he loves looking at your face and he definitely will say that getting lost in your eyes line or something what’d I tell ya -Give him kisses all over his face he will absolutely melt and be a flustered giggling mess it’s what he’s wanted all day -Might purposefully let you win in Monkey Mech which he would never do otherwise so it got you a little more concerned,, orrr he’d try to play his best but the way you look so confident and determined and excited while trying to beat him has him distracted again ( Fin ~  ✰ )

[poppy-metal]

"The first time you hear Izuku moan your name, its with you hiding on the other side of his closet door, your hand clapped over your mouth in shock.”

A/N: im placing this before the sexual side of their relationship begins. A prelude of sorts, if you will.

Cw: voyeurism, smut, dekus secretly dirty mouth.

All things considered izuku’s room was...not as gross as you expected a staple college aged guys dorm room to be. It was cluttered but not disgusting, posters of comics and figurines and manga and some clothes strewn about, everything kind of frenzied and haphazard. It was so incredibly deku, a secret smile pulled at your lips, even though your reasons for being here were less than innocent

He’s wearing fucking pink. Because of course he is, of course izuku is humble and comfortable in his masculinity enough to pull off a bright pink t-shirt. It hugs his chest too, and you have to wonder if literally any of his clothes fit him and the tits he decided to grow in college. His image is so utterly imposing, his smile so bright, and laugh so airy, it sends butterflies flipping through your stomach at just the sight of him and that makes you want to vomit. Your lips curl in a sneer and you’re walking towards him and the group of friends he’s talking to as if on reflex. 

Stupid, lovely deku. You knock your shoulder into his as you pass, hard enough that his books clatter and fall to the floor, scattering. And then those green eyes are on you, giving you his attention and your body feels alive, your blood cells buzzing under your skin even as he frowns. The dimples on his freckled face fall as he takes you in. Yes, you think, look at me, see me, want me. 

Out loud you say. “Watch where you’re going, stupid deku” and you’re looking at him like he’s the dirt under your shoe. He’s not. He’s the center of your universe. Your world tilts around his axis. “Pink isn’t your fucking color by the way”. it is. 

Izuku huffs. He’s past the point where he used to turn as red as a tomato and duck his head whenever you stood in front of him, but he’s still deku at the end of the day. An easy target. “If looking at me bothers you so much you could just ignore me.” He crouches down to pick up his things. His words make you itch, if you could ignore him, you wouldn’t fucking be here. Its because he exists too much, that you want to push him down so much. 

You step your manicured foot onto his notebook right as he’s about to grab it. He tugs at it, you dont budge, and he looks up at you, exasperated. “Can i have my notebook, please?” 

Why is he so fucking pretty? God, you want to throw up. You dig your heel in further, covering the flutter you feel in your chest with a practiced sneer. “I like the way you say please, deku.” You lean down a little, “Say ‘your highness’ and i’ll move” 

It’s a thrill, seeing the way his jaw sets, his brow furrows, his eyes go annoyed. Sweet, sweet, friendly izuku. You’re the only one he looks at like this, like he wants to throttle you. But he won’t. You see his adams apple bob, his cheeks dust pink, even as he glares. “No” 

You pause. It’s not the first time he’s gotten snippy with you, but the conviction behind it is new. You feel something in your stomach give a jump, your blood thrumming in your ears. You jerk your foot towards you, sliding his notebook out from his hands and standing completely on top of it with both your feet now. Your sticky lips, glossy and plump, spread into a mocking grin, “No? Do i need to slam you into some lockers and take you lunch money?” You feel a thousand feet tall, towering above him still kneeling, you on the high ground, looking down at him below you, where he can’t reach you. Can’t ever see the truth. “C’mon pansy, you’re already on your knees anyway” 

But he isn’t anymore. He jerks to a stand, and now he’s taller than you, but you puff your chest out, not letting that affect you. It always affects you. Not that he knows or ever notices. Your eyes are widening when he steps forward so you’re practically nose to nose and chest to chest. “I don’t have time for you” he snaps, irritated. And then he’s stepping away as suddenly as he stepped up, the rest of his things gathered in his arms, he shakes his head at you, a tendril of that mossy mousey hair falling into his eyes. “I gotta get to class” 

And then he’s gone, brushing by you, disengaging. You stand there, your breath stuck in your chest, not moving. ‘I dont have time for you’ over and over again rings through your head like a mantra. You step off his notebook robotically and kick it across the floor. It bangs against a wall and you feel your fists clench, nail beds digging into your palms harshly. ‘I dont have time for you’ 

You turn on your heel, away from the direction of your class, fury blinding you. Anger in place of humiliation, vindication in place of being humbled. You don’t know what crawled up his ass and made him think he was above you all the sudden, but you weren’t having it, not the fuck at all. 

And that’s how you found yourself snooping through izukus dorm, with the intention of finding some kind of dirt, or something to hold over his stupid head. He didn’t have time for you? How dare he act like he was better than you, like he had things more important to do than to indulge you. You were still so mad you wanted to throw a tantrum, kick and scream and claw his eyes out. Straddle his stupid broad waist and shake him until all he saw was you, you, you. 

You really hated him. Hated that because of him you were basically a bully because any attention from him was attention you thrived and lived under. Maybe if you weren’t so prideful, so disgusted by the weakness of your own gooey emotions for him, you would have tried to be the center of his attention in a nicer way, but as it was you were in too deep. This was the sick game you played, and losing wasn’t an option. 

You hated how much that made you similar to bakugou in a way. You didn’t like that guy, and even weirdly so, you wanted to gouge his fucking eyes out for the way he treated and talked to izuku. Was it jealousy or possesivness that drove you to want to be the only one who could rile izuku? You wondered, sometimes, if bakugou felt the same way about you. 

It was the loss of control, for you. Better yet, it was the way you liked the loss of that control. You had always prided yourself on being strong willed and a perfectionist. But whenever your eyes so much as grazed izukus, all your emotions went rattling around your stomach in sick twisted ways, giving you goosebumps, making you...nervous. It was a crush that had turned into an obsession, wasn’t it? And you wanted to make izuku suffer not only for invoking those messy feelings, but for not seeming to return them as well. If he couldn’t love you or want you romantically or sexually, you’d force yourself onto his radar and into his head until thinking about anyone else was impossible. Until you squirmed under his skin as much as he squirmed under yours. 

Acting like you didnt exist was unacceptable. Obviously you’d slacked off on your taunts and actions, if he could just brush past you so easily, not taking your bait. You needed to even the playing field again, and by even you meant you needed to be towering above him again. 

Towering over him so you dont have the time to think about how much you want to be under him, your mind whispers at you as you pick through his room, trying to find anything incripting. Someone like izuku would probably have something utterly embarrassing like a diary or some weird porn magazines, shameless, helpless guy that he was. 

You huff as you open his drawer next to his bedside, nearly slamming it back shut in shock at what you see there. 

You’re not stupid. You’re a healthy, young woman with an active sexual imagination and access to the world wide web, to porn. 

Izuku has a fleshlight in his drawer. Izuku has a sexytoy. Izuku. And its green. 

Izuku has a sex toy that he probably uses. That he probably sticks his cock into and moves- 

An absurd laugh barks out of you, shocked and helpless. Because while in your head you knew izuku had to be some kind pervert, what other explanation was there for the way he blushed and darted his gaze around like a ping pong ball whenever you leaned forward and get caught a glimpse under your blouse, this is...unexpected. Imagining izuku in explicit scenarios, doing lewd things, it was something you didn’t allow your mind to wonder to often over. You didn’t like the way you got all squirmy and meek whenever you thought too long about izuku without clothes. 

You feel kind of squirmy now, hot and uncomfortable as you shift around and try to gather your wits back about you. Revenge, that’s what you’re here for. 

With a shaky exhale you turn away from his dresser, your thoughts flitting around your head like annoying gnats. What, who, does he think about when he…? What does he look like? What does his...c- You shake your head, slap your cheeks, trying to center yourself from the images floating around, flustering you and distracting you. 

You’re in the middle of lifting the covers on his bed to peek under it, see if there’s anything there, when you hear the handle on his door jiggle. You freeze, every muscle in your body locked frozen like a deer in headlights as the knob twists, and then catches. Right. You’d picked the lock with one of your hair clips and then made sure to lock it again behind you just in case something like this happened. And by the, “Ugh” on the other side of the door, yep that’s definitely izuku. You’re shoved out of your shocked state, and bolting for his closet door as you hear the jingle of his keys twist in the lock, trying your best to close the door as quietly as possible behind you, it swishing shut barely a second before the door to his dorm opens and you hear him step in. 

Class must have let out early or something, you think huffily, gently rearranging yourself into a comfortable position on a pile of his clothes as he shuffles around his room. You hear the thumb of him dropping his books, the shuffle of his feet, the clutter of him taking off his shoes and the squeak of his mattress as he plops down on it. 

You tuck your knees to your chest and roll your eyes, picking at your leggings as you wonder how long you’ll have to hide before he goes to the bathroom or something so you can leave. It’s fucking stuffy in his closet already, the air hot. Your hand touches the soft fabric beneath you, realizing you’re sitting on one of his hoodies. Its too dark to see which one it is, but you imagine it as your favorite red one. Maybe you’d steal it as compensation for him making you sit and wait in his dumb closet while he probably stared at the ceiling with no thoughts in his dumb brain.

You hear him sigh, loud and dramatic, and then a muffled scream/groan into his pillow. Your lips twitch, he’s such a fucking drama queen. 

Your little smile drops off your face when you hear the sound of his drawer opening.  

Oh god. Oh no. 

Your face feels like there are embers burning under it as you hear the unmistakable sound of clothes being shucked, a zipper and and then flop, and then….a slick wet sound and a sigh of relief. 

Your eyes feel like they are bugging out of your head. Izuku is really about to fuck his fleshlight with you hiding in his closet with him none the wiser. You feel suddenly embarrassed and hot all over, hiding your face in your knees as you hear him let out a moan. A loud one. 

You’re on fire, every part of you. You don’t think you can take this, don’t think you can sit through this and listen to this, think you should just burst out of his closet and use your bravado to somehow flip the situation and make him feel humiliated for getting off in the privacy of his own room, like he’s in the wrong even though you had violated so many boundaries for even being here right now. 

You could do it too, you know. You’re good at twisting things, at powering through the complicated mess of flustered feelings izuku makes you feel and making it his fault, making him back down and cower. You could do it...you’re uncurling your legs and pushing your hands under you in the middle of getting up to do so when- 

“Fuck. ___” Your name. You freeze, for an unholy, goldy second you think you’ve been caught, that he has acquired x-ray vision and has spotted you but no. His voice isn’t surprised or upset its...breathless, airy. He moaned it. 

The first time you hear Izuku moan your name, its with you hiding on the other side of his closet door, your hand clapped over your mouth in shock.

Heat immediately shoots between your legs, your core throbbing unbidden in reflex to the sound, helpless to stop it, to have any other reaction. Your ass plops right back down. You turn slightly towards the door, pressing your side against it, your ear smooshed against the cool wood as you listen, as if drawn under a spell. 

“You’re such…” You hear izuku pant, his voice deeper and more rough then you’ve ever heard it before. “A fucking brat” 

Wet between your legs, seeping through your panties at his words, seemingly ripped out of him. God, he sounds pissed, wrecked. He cursed. You’ve never heard izuku curse before, never, even when you’d pushed him too far. Something really was different about today. 

The slick sounds are more frequent now, steady and...and sounding like real sex you’d heard from porn before. Wet, sloppy, and slapping. Your knees knock together as you lean forward even more. There’s an invisible string pulling, tugging you forward, you want to see…

“Fucking slut” He grunts, and there’s a heavy slap, your breath catching in your fucking throat as you realize that...that must be the clap of his balls hitting the back of his fleshlight everytime he thrusts into it. “Always running your fucking mouth, looking down at me, so mean, you’re so fucking mean to me…uh..” 

The sounds of sex fill the room and you can’t take it anymore, you’re burning, burning, burning, fuck the consequnces. You hesitantly and slowly turn the handle of the closet door, letting it slide open just a crack, enough for you to peek through, to get a glimpse.

His lean muscular back is the first thing you see, he’s facing directly away from his closet, thank god but oh god, that means you see..so much. The flex of his shoulder blades under his tan skin, the smattering of freckles over his shoulder, the long slender slope of his spine as it curves down his broad back, the dimbles at the bottom of his spine, flexing as he fucks his toy. His ass, because of course izuku would have a perfect round bubble butt. There are freckles there too. 

Your eyes skate down, hungry to his large and heavy balls, low hanging and full, currently smacked right up against the base of the little pocket pussy he’s practically straddling on his bed. 

It hits you again than, that deku is imagining that toy is you, he’s imagining fucking you in this position on his bed right now, imagining its your cunt hes pounding into, and your face he’s spitting those filthy words at. 

Your hand is really moving without your permission when it slips under the band of your leggings into your panties, fingers immediately dipping between the slick folds of your pussy, silky and wet. 

“-Wet” Izuku grunts, as you dip a finger just barely inside. “Fuck, i knew you’d be so fucking soft and good inside. Such a bratty girl would have a sweet cunt attached to her, huh?” 

Fuck, where and when did izuku start speaking like this? His soft voice curling around such crude words is making you gush all over your fingers. You wish you could see the kind of face he was making when he said them. 

“Yeah, you like taking my cock don’t you, baby?” He croons and if you close your eyes you can almost imagine he’s speaking directly into your ear, behind you. His thrusts get heavier, rougher, he lifts his leg up on the bed and you see a flash of the little green toy being fucked on his cock, big and angry looking. He’s being so brutal, hammering the thing down on his dick as he hips rut to meet every downward tug. “Milk it. Milk my fucking cock you whore. Wanna- fuck, wanna hear you say my name when you cum, want you to know who’s pouding that little pussy. The loser you fucking hate, yeah? Gonna cum for me?”

Yes, you whimper in your head in answer to him, your fingers curling deep, deep, inside, fucking yourself on them in earnest. He’s so big and you only caught a glimpse, but it was enough. Enough to know he’d fucking cleave you apart if he tried to fit that monster between his legs inside your tight little pussy. But you want it, god you fucking want it. You wanna feel him splitting you open, making you cream around him, making you beg for it. Making you bleed. 

“One of these day” he says, his voice breathless but steady, even as it cracks. You know he’s close. “I’m gonna fucking snap. Im going to make you look me in the fucking eye and apologize for making me want you, and then im going to split that pussy open- fuck, im coming, fuck, fuck, fuck. Do you understand, b-bitch? Gonna fucking make you mine, yeah, take it, take your senpais cock you dirty fucking girl, ah!” 

He slumps forward, hips humping into the toy and balls spasming as he pumps it full of his cum, shuddering deeply with little aborted whimpers. “Good girl, good girl” he pants, trailing off, giving one last little jerk of his hips before stilling. 

You bite your lip so hard you draw blood to stop yourself from whimpering out loud. You pull your sticky fingers out of your cunt and shuffle back into the dark of the closet, curling in on yourself as izuku lays there, panting heavily for a few moments before moving. 

You stay stock still as you hear him get up and shuffle around, his footsteps padding into the bathroom where you hear the door click softly shut. You spring up to your feet and don’t care if you make noise as you dart out of his room and into the hallway, sprinting like a bat out of hell as you make you way to the girls dorms.

You’ll think about how to reevaluate and recoup later. Right now you just really need to get to your bed so you can rut pathetically onto your own fingers and imagine izukus fat dick breaking you open. Never in a million years did you think he had those kinds of feelings for you, and you know it changes the whole game, is a whole other level of playing field where you now know he wants you on a physical level. 

You feel powerless and lie you’re slipping again, don’t know how you’re going to point your finger at him and laugh when you know for every insult you throw his way, is another way hes fucking his toy at night, adding it as another thing to get you back for. If he ever snaps. 

If. you want it to be a when, so bad, not an if. 

You’ll make it a when. You’ll push him off the metaphorical cliff he’s teetering on to make it so. 

.