#IT'S PURE CRACK

[raine-st0rm]

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A TGS CRACKFIC

Youre probably not, but now you are!! May I present, a crackfic made by two sleep-deprived maniacs who apparently only write at 2am?

⚠️ Reading might cause your brain cells to fall out

⚠️ You might cry reading it, not in a goodway

this fic was made by me and Pasta ( @feta-cheese-raviolis )

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54820216/chapters/138952126

[juststubborn]

Gus and Shawn are freaking obnoxious(♡) and such assholes but in a can't-help-love-them way aajdndksjfjei seriously i still have to find a show with characters like those two- or like all the supporting cast. I absolutely love them.

[adelalovesmadara]

I'm confused.

Is there a different naruto manga out there?

[carrythatwayt]

Muriel: sweetest angel in the garrison.

Pt. 2

[imaginariumwanderer]

"I wonder if death feels warmer in your arms."

Everyone... I would like to direct your attention to this wonderful fanfic/art made by Bloomie/Clouddii. If you enjoys seeing your ship does that common couple activity of "dying together" like me then I totally reccommend it!

I'm late, but I did promised to draw a cute lil sketch for the fanfic. This certainly is a sketch, but I dunno if it's cute or not

[izzystizzys]

TW: discussion of something approximating suicidal tendencies but with the usual crack programming of this blog

“Ah, High General Windu”, says Fox, pleasantly. “So we meet again.”

High General Windu raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, Fox thinks, though it’s getting hard to tell with all the blood rushing to his head. “If I let you go, will you try to throw yourself out of another window?”

Fox makes a vague shrugging motion - or tries to, anyways. It’s hard to tell where any of his limbs are going, hanging upside down in the air as he is. “I am willing to discuss terms.” A bridge will do just fine.

Impossibly, the High General’s eyebrows climb even further up his forehead. “A compromise, then, esteemed Commander.” And so, he righths Fox the head way up in the air, but leaves him floating just above the ground, at which point several painted shells come skidding around the corner followed by billowing robes and screeches.

“WHAT”, says Kote, calmly, “THE BANTHA-KARKED, FORCE-LOVING KRIFF, FOX.”

“You’ll short out your helmet mic”, Fox advises him, sagely. Fondly, he thinks back to decimating his own on only his second time in the newly-christened official Coruscant Guard Scream Closet. He’d just received the comm about the Zillo Beast being transported to 000, and made sure to take his bucket off thereafter to improve the quality of his closet time.

High General Windu’s face does something complicated between sympathy and constipation.

Because the Galaxy doesn’t hate Fox enough already and Cody wasn’t enough on his own, Wolffe elbows his way through their batch to plant himself in front of him, shoulders squared and shaking with repressed rage. “If you try that again, dickhead”, he begins, in a low growl that quite frankly sounds more cringe that intimidating, “I’m going to resurrect you and then kill you again.”

“Ah, Wolffe”, Plo Koon says, in his deep, shivery timbre, “Remember our conversations about effective conflict resolution and communication of needs?”

Wolffe’s eyes narrow at Fox, because all non-Guard are sweet summer children who walk around buckets off on 000 like absolute lunatics. Fox prays they never have to find out why that’s a bad idea. “I feel”, his ori’vod presses out between clenched teeth, “that if you make me watch you throw yourself out of another window, I’m going to jump after you and strangle you on the way down, you little bitch.”

“That’s fair”, says Fox, and watches High General Kenobi bury his face in his hands. Wolffe twitches in place and makes an aborted groaning noise, the hypocrite.

“Excuse me, High Marshall Commander Fox, but I fail to see what’s so dire about this situation that the Jedi High Council and your brothers cannot help you solve”, says Windu, the only sane one left on this Force-forsaken bloated corpse of a planet. Behind the gaggle of Jedi and ori’vode already gathered in front of Fox, the rest of them come veering around the corner in a commotion that’s quite frankly embarrassing. High General Yoda is mounted on Skywalker’s back like he’s a race-Eopie, which is Fox’ only consolation.

He got up this morning at 0300, bleary-eyed and with a pounding headache as always, and all was right in the world. And then Fox got called into the Jedi High Council’s chambers and was ceremoniously informed that in the wake of Chancellor Palpatine’s unfortunate demise (hah), and through the emergency state of the Senate, as well as several invented promotions foisted on Fox to make the delegation of any and all paperwork less shady, he was now next in the chain of command and-

Well, Fox is the acting Chancellor, in short.

Haha, he had said, and been meet with several seconds of silence, until it got both awkward and exceedingly painful. Wait, he’d said. You’re kriffing serious.

Kriffing serious, we are, had said High General Yoda, and thus Fox launched himself out the first best window with a maniacal cackle of, you’ll have to catch me first!

And catch him, High General Windu sure did.

“The will of the Force this is”, Yoda interrupts Fox’ train of thought. He scans him thoughtfully from beneath his wizened brow, and hems to himself. “Shake things up, this will. Determine the fate of the Galaxy, this shall. A feeling, I have, that a good Chancellor you will make. A better one, hmmm.”

“That’d be high praise, if not for the fact that a dead lemming would make for a better Chancellor than the last one”, says Fox, drawing and indignant gasp from Skywalker. He doesn’t bother with either that or the green goblin’s cackle, lost in the deep sense of resignation that settles over his shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

“Alright, then, get me Thorn on the comm. As my first act in office, I’m firing all the Jedi. No offense, but you’re kind of a disaster. Then, someone get me to the Chancellor’s office, I’m calling Dooku to let him know the war’s off. And please get me Judicial, they’ll be up all night working on my datafolders - I’m having the Senate arrested.”

“Who - is - arresting - “, Bly pants, hands on his knees from where he’s just come sprinting around the corner with his Jedi.

Underneath his bucket, Fox smiles a smile that’s all teeth. “The Senate”, he says, sweetly, wondering if he’s just imagined the shiver that’s gone through the room. “I’m suing the Senate, and taking them all into temporary custody for abuse of sentient rights.”

[idliketobeatree]

hey do you think Charles would fall for Niko shouting "help! Edwin is not moving, he needs CPR!" dropping everything like oh shit and getting deadly serious ready for that mouth-to-mouth action, as Crystal screams in the distance HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TO BREATHE CHARLES

[foreverfearlessred]

When the Monaco national anthem kicks in followed straight by the Italian national anthem:

[the-goddess-of-gays]

one time Percy walked in on a seriously sleep-deprived Leo spewing motor oil and Tabasco sauce all over the engine room because he "wanted to see why Festus liked the stuff so much" and (being the genius we all know he is) decided to chug a bottle of it.

long story short, Leo ended up confined to his cabin for a ten-hour nap by a deeply concerned Jason Grace and a deeply annoyed Piper McLean, and Percy had to go apologise to Annabeth for how horrifying he must have been as a middle schooler (she laughed for a solid ten minutes)

[innerslumber]

Me imagining Deadpool abusing the TVA in his third movie to pop in on Steve Rogers during Endgame:

Wade: Hey so, I know you got this plan to go back to the past and stay there because the writers are hacks and they can't even keep their own lore intact but LISTEN, how about you hand me those stones and I'll take care of them for ya.

Steve: *staring bewilderedly at the man in Red and Black who just materialized out of thin air* Uh...do I know you?

Wade: Wade Wilson. HUGE fan. I can do this all day. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn. Til the end of the line. Although that last one isn't gonna be real honest if we let the writers ruin a decade of character development, right? *wriggling fingers* Now let me at them sparkly Josh Brolin Space Kidney Stones.

Steve: Look, I really shouldn't be surprised by anything at this point but this is really important and I can't just hand over-

Wade: You know what else is important? Making sure we keep giving Disney the middle finger despite our inability to stop sucking their tits for content because at the end of the day, we're all victims of capitalism. So just give me the fucking stones, Captain Sexy Ass and not ruin my motivation to finish writing the 300k slow burn best friend soul mate AU Stucky fic that I've been working on for two years. Capiche?

Steve: Uhh...

Wade: *picks up the case with the stones and gives finger guns at a confused Bucky* Buckaroo, just a reminder that the serum shortens refractory periods and Wakanda is reallll nice this time of the year for honeymoon destinations. *Large Obvious Wink*

Bucky: Uhh...

Wade: *random beeping from his toolbelt* Oh gotta go! Have fun! *disappears*

Sam: *giving Steve and Bucky the Stink Eye* How short is your refractory period?

Steve and Bucky: *redfaced*

Bruce: *sighs and walks off to go make a sandwich*

[alex-frostwalker]

This is just a joke pls

[ahhrenata]

had to get this out of the system. Death Stranding got its grip on me (so has Norman Reedus 😅)

[ohbother2]

Introducing everyone to my Alastor headcannon!

He's a deer right? And what are deer well-known for? Yes, yes, staring un-waveringly into your soul in the middle of a country road in the twilight hours.

But what else are they known for?

As soon as something happens, they are GONE. They run so fast and with such wild-abandon to just get the fuck out of wherever they are they they go hurtling through the brush never to be seen again.

This brings my to my head cannon - Alastor is easily skittish, he is just fortunate that his deer-caught-in-headlights instinct takes over long enough for him to grapple with his fear and restrain the part of himself that wants to flee, so instead he just stares unwavering and intimidatingly with that cocky grin until he has enough composure to begin talking again.

Now, sometimes, sometimes his instincts are too strong. And sometimes, he cannot stay composed, especially after a particularly bad fright, like bumping into Nifty or Angel Dust stalking the corridors of the hotel silently at night. What happens then? Alastor freezes for mere seconds, and then goes hurtling as fast as he can in whatever direction his feet decide to take him.

Sometimes, much to his dismay, his feet decide to propel him into the nearest wall before he even realises where he is heading.

This has led to many encounters where Alastor appears to bolt head-first into a wall for no other explanation than he felt like it, and he leaves Angel Dust as confused as ever as he bounces back from the impact, shocked from his deer-like-terror, and begins a conversation as normal, ignoring the new antler shaped hole in the wall he had just careened into.

No one dares question him about this odd behaviour, and the residents of the hotel have just had to accept that they often see the sole's of his shoes as he sprints full-pelt away from them at the drop of a hat.

[steddieasitgoes]

Fogging up the Glass

written for @steddiemicrofic September prompt "Shower" wc: 399 | rating: t | cw: none | tags: pre-steddie, post-season 4, everyone lives, Artist!Eddie, suggestive ending

Eddie stands in the Harringtons’ shower, letting the scalding hot water surround him. He's been here long enough that the glass shower door is covered in a thick layer of fog, and yet he's not ready to leave. Instead, he stretches, letting the warm water work the knots on his neck as his fingers graze the door, wiping a portion of the contestation away. 

It gives him an idea. 

He drags a finger across the door, leaving a line behind. He draws a parallel one next, following it up with a pair of half circles. He steps back, appraising his work. 

“Shower dick!” 

Giggling to himself, he starts doodling lewd stick figures. When the Kama Sutra positions are as good as they can get, given his makeshift canvas, he starts to make them more life-like. He doesn’t overthink it, letting his fingers and imagination take control. It’s only when he steps back into the still-warm water that he realizes who the drawings look like. 

Long, curly hair on the one being bent over. 

Shortish, perfectly styled hair on the other, standing confidently. 

Shit. 

“Eddie?” Steve calls, rapping his knuckles on the door. “You okay in there?” 

Double shit. 

“Yeah, man, all good!” Eddie shouts as he frantically drags his hand through the drawings, erasing the evidence.

Once he’s certain he’s in the clear, he shuts the water off and emerges from the bathroom to find Steve waiting on the edge of the bed, shirtless, with a towel draped over his shoulder. Jesus H. Christ.

“All yours, man,” Eddie says, earning a nod from Steve as they switch places. 

Eddie has barely managed to get his breathing under control when the bathroom door opens. Steve appears in an instant, a hint of steam festering behind him like he’s some horny hunk in a cheap porno. His lips are quirked upwards in a half smirk, half smile, and his arms are crossed lazily over his bare chest. 

“I had no idea Dick-asso has been crashing in my parents’ bedroom for two weeks.”

Before Eddie has time to question, Steve nudges the door wide open. There, in all their glory, on the freshly fogged-up glass of the shower door are Eddie’s lewd stick figures. 

“I can explain.” 

Steve hums and moves to close the distance between them. “I think the drawings are explanation enough. Maybe we could make them a reality instead?”  

[gunsatthaphan]

"I'm warning you again."

[kenandeliza]

A [crack] Brotherly Freddy and Billy comic to start my new year :p

It's based on a random stupid Headcanon where Freddy is much older than Billy [maybe 5 or 7 years older??], making it even ironic for his name to be "Captain Marvel jr", (I also like to think he had a similar reaction to Mary, something like, "I've always wanted a sister!" Then hug her, but since i couldnt draw Mary's poofy hair correctly, one can only imagine ;-;)