#IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY SAYING BURGER BING

[yoinkschief]

Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce.

The last thing you'd want in your Burger King Burger is someone's foot fungus. But as it turns out, that might be what you get.

A 4channer uploaded a photo anonymously to the site showcasing his feet in a plastic bin of lettuce with the statement 'This is the lettuce you eat at Burger King.'

Admittedly, he had shoes on. But that's even worse.

The post went live at 11:38 PM on July 16, and a mere 20 minutes later, the Burger King in question was alerted to the rogue employee. At least, I hope he's rogue. How did it happen? Well, the BK employee hadn't removed the Exif data from the uploaded photo,

which suggested the culprit was somewhere in Mayfield Heights,

Ohio. This was at 11:47. Three Minutes later at 11:50, Burger King

branch address was posted with wishes of happy unemployment.

Five minutes later, the news station was contacted by another

4channer. And three minutes later, at 11:58, a link was posted: BK's 'Tell Us About Us' online form. The foot photo, otherwise known

as Exhibit A, was attached. Cleveland Scene Magazine contacted

the BK in question the next day. When questioned, the breakfast

shift manager said 'Oh, I know who that is. He's getting fired.' Mystery solved, by 4chan. Now we can all go back to eating our fast food in peace.

I have a guess as to who this might be

[cyberg4n]

✧ 𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄

paring: earth42!miles x fem!reader

content: friends to lovers trope, slight underage drinking, fluff, not proofread oops

a/n: i’m finally going on vacationnn ahhh!! so i made this for the fourth of july 🙏

summary: miles takes you up to the rooftop to watch the fireworks.

you scroll through your instagram feed, clicking on one of your friends lives of them partying with her friends. you groan, realizing everyone is out enjoying their night while your sitting alone in bed binge watching netflix shows. you close out of the live, looking back over at your laptop screen. you sit up, reaching over to your bedside table for your drink. as you take a sip, you hear a ping from your phone. you open the message, it’s from miles.

“come up to the rooftop. i wanna show you sum.”

you groan, sitting up, rushing to grab your jacket. you lace up your shoes, locking the door behind you. you walk up the the flight of stairs, shoving your hands in your pockets. once you make it up to the top, you swing open the door, scanning the rooftop for him. you shudder slightly at the cool breeze, “miles?” you yell out, all of the sudden — you feel a pair of hands settle on your shoulders, “boo.” you yelp, jumping. you turn around, a frown on your face. miles laughs, arms crossed. “you should’ve seen your face, fuck, that was priceless.” you roll your eyes. “haha.” you mutter sarcastically. he grins, walking past you. “why’d you invite me up here?” you ask, following him. he turns around, squinting his eyes. “really? it’s the fourth of july.” you nod, “and?”

he walks over near the edge of the roof, he sits on the ground, crossing his legs. you look down, a blanket thrown under the ground, and some pillows. you raise a brow, laughing. you sit down next to him, “what’s this, you finally decide to take me out on a date?” you ask jokingly. “ah, yes. i’ve been meaning to do this forever, cariño.” you giggle, tugging his blanket over your lap. “nah, i just wanted you to watch the fireworks with me.” right after he said that, the fireworks finally started, illuminating the sky with several bright colors. you stare up at the sky, mesmerized. miles reaches over behind him, two wrapped plates in his hands. he sets the plate down between the two of you, unwrapping them.

“oh god, what is it now?” your eyes widen when you see burgers and fries. you look at him, confused. “i always come prepared.” he says. you laugh, stuffing the burger in your mouth — it was still warm. as you both eat in silence, just enjoying the fireworks, miles sets his burger down. turning back to the side before handing you a beer. you look up at him, a funny expression on your face — but you take it anyway. he smiles, opening his beer, “how’s your mom gonna feel about you drinking underaged, huh?” you tease, he gulps down his beer, side eyeing you. you raise your hands up, “i’m kidding,” his shoulders relax, rolling his eyes. you both pause for a minute, admiring the bursts of color in the sky. “how come you aren’t hanging out with your friends though? i always see you around them.”

you turn to look at him, shrugging. “their just so extra sometimes, you know? i mean they always wanna go out, partying — or whatever bullshit they do.” he hums in agreement, “like, chloe, she went live earlier and she was partying, drinking, probably doing weed or something.” you sigh, fidgeting with the side of the blanket. “i’d just rather enjoy hanging out in a more calm setting, like this.” you hug your legs up to your chest, listening to the pop of the fireworks. “is that why you’re always clinging onto me? cause i’m a calm person to be around?” he asks, you don’t even have to look at him to know he has a smug look on his face. you roll your eyes, slightly nodding. “partially. but also i just really like being with you.” you pause, realizing how weird that had sounded.

you turn slightly, watching as the colors from the fireworks bounce off his face. you study his side profile, noticing how beautiful he truly is. for a moment, you lose yourself — thinking about him holding you, walking you home, kissing you, holding hands with you. those thoughts instantly disappear as soon as he catches you staring. he laughs, a beautiful and serene laugh. “you like me or something?” you groan, shoving him slightly with your hand. “don’t get ahead of yourself.” you mumble, trying to cover the flush creeping up on your face. miles leans back on the pillows, resting his arms on his knees. he plays around with the ring on his finger, the one you had given him on his birthday.

as the both of you watch the sky, the air feels warmer, almost suffocating you. you slide off your jacket, leaning back with him. he glances over at your skin, wishing he could reach over and just hug you. there’s a knot in his stomach — and it’s been there ever since he’s met you. “it’s so pretty,” he turns, realizing you’re talking about the fireworks. he looks up, noticing a few stars littering the sky behind the fireworks. “yeah,” he breathes out. miles puts his hand down, feeling your fingertips slightly brushing against his hand. there’s a fuzzy feeling lingering in the air, and you both feel it.

miles scoots closer to you, filling the space between you. you notice him getting close, but you don’t say anything. he touches your hand with his finger, waiting for you to reciprocate. you look down at his hand, letting him lace his fingers into yours. he holds your hand, a slight smile on his face. time seems to stand still as you both sit and enjoy the bursts of fireworks above, painting the sky. you’re wondering what his sudden warmth towards you is about, it’s not really normal for him to just hold your hand out of the blue — but you don’t mind. miles feels a hot feeling spread throughout him, his heart beats so loudly to the point where he thinks you can hear it. miles realizes that the fireworks are about to end, but he still hasn’t told you the thing that’s been pulling on him.

he glances at you, anxiously biting on his bottom lip. “you’re really beautiful, you know that?” you turn, mouth agape. you thought he was being sarcastic for a moment, but you notices the way he’s looking down at your hand, playing with your fingers. you blink, inching closer to him. he stares at you, his eyes shimmering from the sky. “you think so?” you ask. he scans your facial features, soaking in how gorgeous you are under the stars. he nods, a small smile on his face. your gaze locks into his. your eyes falter from his eyes down to his lips. when he notices where you’re staring, he chuckles softly, causing you to look away. his hand finds his way to your face, turning your head to look back at him. his eyes are filled with adoration, his expression softens just looking at you.

“you mean so much to me,” his voice is full of vulnerability, something he usually refuses to show. “and i like being around you too.” his voice is almost a whisper. you look at him, dazed. you gulp, realizing you’re about to slip up, “miles,” you start, he stares at you — waiting for you to finish your sentence. before you say anything, you lean over to kiss his cheek. “i really love you.” you mutter. you cover your mouth with your hand, slightly embarrassed. he grins widely, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “i’m glad you feel the same way, hermosa.” you lean your head against his shoulder. miles kisses the crown of your head, resting his head atop of yours as you watch the last fireworks fade out.

please do not copy or repost my writings to any other sites !

[melancholyghoul]

Okay for once I am glad for my terrible sleep pattern because it's new episode time bb !!!

My thoughts as I was watching below \/

Oh hotshots is so bad it's so bad oml

Brads giddy look i can't-

Eddie looks so good 🥺

And he's right he could've delivered the line while getting her out

Bro that's why you need to put a quid in to get a cart in the UK, deters people (not all people but still)

Just leave her alone ?? Why waste your time being a nuisance ???

It's an evil version of the 'some kind of fender bender-full' episode of bobs burgers

AHHHH EDDIE AND CHRIS 🥰🥰

'You'll send it to me ?' Omfg don't

5000 gallons of waste water 🌈🌈🌈

Buddie helping the couple in looooooove ~~~

Uh oh brad what are you doing tell someone else

'The wheel not the leg' Oh I love you chimney

Yes HE'S the hero for getting a lady out incredibly dangerously

Oh Bobby's angry 👀

'In this firehouse it's Captain Nash' HELL YEAH IT IS

The cameras totally in his throat right

Oh okay nevermind

Aw athena you're so lovely- but she's totally saying i told you so in her head ennit

His memory isn't blurry i bet he knows

Brad calls eddie Edmundo (or edmondo) ??

Aw Eddie i just want to give you a big lovely hug, at least you're trying to be a part of it

Maybe not the best man for a pep talk

He's totally going to texas isn't he !!

That cup lady could've still put her cart back afterwards she was still in her boot

Aw leave the trolly man alone 😔

I don't trust the security guard

Okay weird shoe mention

Buck and Eddie are almost always together in this episode 👀👀

Brad should really wear a face mask he keeps pulling the focus

Ugh the curls are so good Buck 🥺

Bro a mood I binged all the seasons of 911 in like 2 weeks

Ngl that was very cute

'That's way too much for me to handle' WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT EDDIE

OF COURSE BUCK IS AT THE DOOR

Can confirm that with the scones 🙂‍↕️

What you looking at eddie 😏

no 🥺 nononononono 🥺

'WE SHOULD MOVE THIS PARTY TO THE COUCH' NO FUCKING WAY

THAT LOOK ON BUCKS FACE IS 100% 'Oh... Oh.. I really don't want him to leave' PLS

it was the old dude ? Wtf

When i worked at a supermarket people were supposed to take the carts to the little shelters dotted around the car park, then the trolly guys would collect them from there and bring them to the front of the store, it must work different in the US cause he wouldn't be out of a job if people did that here

Holy shit i did not see this coming - dude is a maniac ???

Aw that kid is so cute getting that job

I KNOW THOSE VOICES lol

AW THEYRE PRACTICING

THEYRE NOT PRACTICING THEYRE IN THE SHOW FJSHSHFBS

the 'uncanny' accent bits with Oliver are killing me thats so funny

Uh oh hen you've accidentally gotten yourself another job

I think it's good they've started including hotlines on any episode that mentions suicide - they did it on one of doctor odysseys too, gonna avoid situations like 13rw (🤢)

[conanssummerchild]

my own ranking of every rick and morty episode, inspired by the lovely @fandomwe1rd0 :3

sorry this is a bit scattered, the random quotes are just lines that i liked/found funny. i had to shorten all my reasonings by a fuck ton bcs i was just going on forever lmao, so if some things feel kinda cut off, that's why.

i binged all of rick and morty in like a week to make this, just to make sure the ranking was fully accurate to me and it took me way to long but i'm finally done !!

btw this isnt a ranking of which episodes are objectively the best, its very biased and just my personal opinions, im aware some epsiodes definitely shouldnt be as high as they are but a lot of them are just my comfort episodes 🤷

f tier: episodes i actively dislike, have little to no redeeming qualities.

71. rickdependance spray: audibly said "oh, fuck no." when i realised this was next. the rest of weird-ish episodes have some redeeming points but this one just has no plot relevance and isnt very funny.

70. raising gazorpazorp: main reason i dislike this episode is the end credit, it reminds me of when i was listening to family line and my dad insinuated conan was making it up and that if i got famous i'd do the same, like, no, if i talk abt what a shitty dad you are its bcs you were a shitty dad, do better. anyway i just thought it was an unfunny joke. due to daddy issues. also its just a boring episode.

69. a rickconvenient mort: summer and rick's storyline was ok but not enough to make up for how much i hate planetina. i liked beth in this episode. rick and summer's dynamic was nice too, but unhealthy.

e tier: episodes i don't dislike, just find boring/have bad elements but more redeeming qualities.

68. m. night shaym-aliens!: the little crystal wrestle was adorable. other than that not a super memorable episode.

67. rise of the numbericons: the movie: i didn't hate it but compared to the rest of s7 it was pretty weak. i think mr goldenfold is funny, but not enough to get his own episode. it would've been more entertaining if rick was in it lets be real, i missed him.

66. interdimensional cable 2: tempting fate: i care very little about jerry's penis. the interdimensional cable was good as usual though.

65. how poopy got his poop back: fine episode, not my fav. i liked seeing bp and squanchy again.

64. edge of tomorty: rick die rickpeat: "Damn, Morty, you're bad at maths, but I'm giving you an a-plus in confidence!" an okay episode.

63. rick: a mort well lived: pretty weak episode to follow solaricks. summer's die hard was good. some cool emotional components.

62. rattlestar ricklactia: "Hey, Morty, listen. I can tell you're pretty upset about the whole snake encounter thing, so I'll tell you what. I'm just gonna go ahead and avoid you for the rest of the day." rnm were kind of cute at the end. yk, until rick punched morty in the face :/.

61. the jerrick trap: sorry ik a lot of ppl love this episode but tho burger & fries were cute characters its not all that for me. memory rick's return, however, was all that. i love him.

60. childrick of mort: "Oh my god, grandpa, you fuck boy." rick being a space nerd <3. loved to see more of beth and rick together but other than that this episode was kinda mid.

59. amortycan grickfitti: honestly made me feel bad for jerry which isnt easy, i sort of liked rick here, he seemed reluctant to let the hell demons make fun of jerry, he still did, but even apologised with only a little prompting. can't say the same for beth. summer and morty were sweet in this episode, i wish we would get more of them.

58. rickmancing the stone: "I don't know why I'm crying." "Well... try crying 15% less?" not bad, i liked the emotional components.

57. mortynight run: again, not super memorable to me. the roy montage was good. You kind of wasted your 30's, though, with that whole birdwatching phase." the animation for the song was great.

d tier: mostly okay to good episodes with minor faults that i can look past in the general scheme of the episode.

56. one crew over the crewcoo's morty: fucked up what rick did to morty. and to mr pb, his life went to shit after this, bcs of rick.

55. night family: had some great moments, but wasnt my fav.

54. anatomy park: loved dr bloom, john oliver voiced him perfectly.

53. lawnmower dog: sweet scenes between rnm. liked the dream inceptor, loved scary terry, snuffles was good too but not as much.

52. claw and hoarder: special ricktims morty: "Are you gonna slay it?" "First off, i always slay it, queen. Secondly, yes." summer being on morty's side was nice. while the soul orgy was a bit weird, the rest of this episode was pretty entertaining which is why its higher up, sorry.

51. bethic twinstinct: jerry saying he would khs, not cool jerry fuck you. "You ladies discuss responsibility while i get stoned and play video games with your kids." the end 💀 i felt bad but it was funny lol.

50. final desmitation: maybe my fav ep of jerry and rick's relationship. i liked seeing rick disapprove of them making fun of jerry, had some funny moments and i even liked jerry here.

49. a rick in king mortur's mort: not the best but i enjoyed rickbot being nice to morty. also this episode sets up for rmrm which i love.

48. promortyus: morty's little yee-haw 😭. and their conversation, so sweet. taking the adderall line as an adhd rick confirmation. "It is my thing. Just like yours is dying alone," get his ass. i feel like the romance couldve been a compelling story if the hosts werent rnm.

47. the whirly dirly conspiracy: rick's take on jerry was accurate. "But no, like father like goddamn daughter! You wanna be like Rick? Congratulations, you're just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!" morty ate. i prefered summer and beths storyline to rick and jerry's.

c tier: solid, episodes, some have a few faults but theyre small

46. mort: ragnarick: it's so high up because i found rick to be likeable and liked his dynamic with morty. ricks clone was cute too.

45. look who's purging now: "Screw you, Rick! I'll purge you too, you old rickety piece of crap!" rnm's storyline was great, i liked arthrisha.

44. the ricks must be crazy: "I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people." "Ohhhh, snap!" lmao literally my reaction. "Ooh. Wow. Gaaay!" "That is pretty gay." not much more to say, good ep.

43. never ricking morty: rnm were sweet in this ep. the gay ass song with rick and bp. "Rick are you– do you need to go to the hospital?" the forehead kiss was sweet. (we're ignoring "Lips if you want.")

42. mort dinner rick andre: mr nimbus is a great character. the wine storyline was a bit boring. "I havent been to a full week of school in years! I don't know shit!" love the peek at rick's backstory too.

41. rick potion #9: important lore episode. some funny bits. morty was a little creepy in this one. i love jerry primes character development. first look on down from the bridge moment !!

40. forgetting sarick mortshall: "What are you, eight? Is this macaroni art? You expect me to believe you built this because you don't care?" liked ricks storyline and he actually does seem to be showing minor development. the end song was good. liked garbage goober's lore.

39. morty's mindblowers: rick removing whatever memories he wanted was fucked up. rick saying granite instead of granted will always be funny. also him losing in chackers and skiing into a tree.

38. mortyplicity: entertaining enough if a little convoluted, i liked it though. sweet moment between the decoy family, shame they died.

b tier: good to great episodes.

37. big trouble in little sanchez: actually liked jerry and beths storyline in this one. tiny riiick !! "old rick! ruining everything!" good episode.

36. pilot: good intro, sets the tone. rick is such a dick (affectionate). rnm's dynamic !! the animation is great. overall great episode.

35. pickle rick: ik its a overrated but i think its good. hes pickle riiiick. dr wong's speech to rick was actually really good and accurate.

34. meeseeks and destroy: rick was such a whiny bitch this episode (affectionate), up until the mr jellybean stuff, which i liked bcs it was handled well by the writers and rick was actually very sweet.

33. rick and morty's thanksploitation spectacular: president curtis' alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend is probably my favourite way rick has been refered to in the show LOL. overall i enjoyed this episode.

32. something ricked this way comes: idc now but, the first time watching rick's r slur speech it was obnoxious and offputting. summer and rick were great, i adore their dynamic, love summer and rick episodes, but idrc for jerry's storyline, he bores me so bad.

31. full meta jackrick: "Rick can't change, Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite." there were a lot of things i liked abt this ep.

30. vindicators 3: the return of worldender: very good episode. forever a believer that the ride was for morty and rick just chickened out.

29. a rickle in time: the va for the testicle monster was great. beth and jerry's storyline also wasn't bad. rick jumping into the hole and sacrificing his life for morty, im sobbing. great episode.

28. the vat of acid episode: morty trying to make rick feel better about not being able to make the thing was very sweet. morty's relationship with that girl was adorable, so sad it was erased by jerry's dumb ass /lh. fuck rick in this episode. the end was funny.

27. rixty minutes: while i do love interdimensional cable this episode would've been lower if it wasn't for all the character moments. "You can't leave, you're 17." "Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. I'm gonna have better judgement than you guys had at my age." loved summer getting screentime. beth and jerry's moment was quite sweet.

26. ricksy business: bp and squanchy !!! >:) bp coming through with the deep speech. the montage of rick morty and summer at the end is so adorable i love them sm <3. "I love my grandkids." "Aw :)." "Psych, just kidding, my new catchphrase is i dont give a fuuuck!"

25. get schwifty: first president curtis episode !! i love him. love morty and bp interactions haha. "In bird culture, this is considered a dick move." "It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don't know what humans eat." crying i love him sm. one of my personal favs lol :).

24. juricksick mort: tbh i mostly like this ep bcs of "You pompous autistic cadaver!" but there was other good moments and it was entertaining. rick was funny and likeable and very much a disaster of a human being, as i was promised when i started watching rnm.

23. star mort rickturn of the jerri: space beth !! "You cosplay as your shitty father in his 30's." "Its funny. I always wondered who would win if we ever fought." "Then you were always a bad friend." :(. "Holy shit, I'm a terrible father." i forgot how good this episode was, very angsty.

22. total rickall: genuinely love this episode. KEITH DAVID >:D. rick's "weird made-up sounding catchphrases" compilation is one of my fav moments in the show lol, everyone looks so concerned 💀.

21. rest and ricklaxation: "Grandpa's here." SOBBING. "Because you kept drunk-dialing me and crying about it!" "I wasn't crying!" loved jessica and ricks dynamic lol. great episode.

20. rickfending your mort: great follow up to unmortricken, i like that rick doesnt just go back to normal and we see it takes a while and even then its only bcs morty steps in. morty making up titles for all their adventures is adorable. great sweet scenes between rnm.

19. the rickchurian mortydate: autistic rick !! also minecraft. the president is such a pathetic loser lol <3. i loved rick and morty being on the same wavelength in this episode. the ending was good.

18. wet kuat amortycan summer: summer-centric episode !! rick was likeable, liked seeing him clumsy getting his grove back. him saying summer reminds him of diane again, he's getting so much more open, im so proud, can you imagine s3 rick being sincere like that?

17. close rickcounters of the rick kind: best s1 episode, love citadel episodes. evil morty !!!!! some funny moments. "You're crying? Over a Morty?" sobbing. "Yeah, but wheres the transmitter?" and the evil morty song oh god, best scene ever fr. i love my evil guy :3.

s tier: outstanding episodes, the 16 best imo.

16. that's amorte: FANTASTIC episode, the end montage is the only part of any rnm episode thats made me cry a little, it would be higher up but i have some personal favs which i put higher. i feel like this episode was very classic rnm after having them separated half of s7.

15. the old man and the seat: jerry and morty's dynamic is pretty funny. tony and rick's storyline was fantastic. some pretty angsty stuff. "The saaaddest piece of garbage in the entire cosmos."

14. the abc's of beth: rick and beth episode !! rick saying that an adventure clearly needs morty in it, aw. i did not care about jerry's storyline at all. beth had no right being so relatable in this ep.

13. ricktional mortpoon's rickmas mortcation: rick relapsing into finding prime !! "I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties." ok, so ik a lot of ppl don't like the speech rick said to morty, but i do, he was going through a LOT, this clearly took him quite a few steps back in development and healing, i think it was less bad than a lot of other things he's done and way more justified.

12. fear no mort: loved morty getting his time to shine, LOVED diane and rick. morty realising rick wasn't in the hole has to be one of the best moments in the show. rick not going in the hole at the end bcs morty told him not to, hope some day he'll get to the point of doing things for morty in front of him so he can realise how much he cares.

11. analyze piss: look at rick asking dr wong for advice. him relating to piss master :(. also i read a phenomenal fic abt this ep (tw sh) (link).

10. air force wong: UNITY RETURNS! Rick was kinda childish in this episode but i feel like it was justified, he wasn't being a dick just bcs, he was hurting, and he even kinda apologised to summer, hes trying. rick going to drink with the president instead of being alone.

9. the rickshank rickdemption: RICK PRIME. "That, diane, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage." :((((. ricks backstory. "he's not a villan, summer, but he shouldn't be ur hero." fantastic ep.

8. rickmurai jack: love two crows rick. rick's full "crybaby" backstory !! "Now you're evil morty, too. sooner or later we all are. on this side of the curve." THE END OH GOD. THE MUSIC. EVIL MORTY LETTING OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. INSANE finale.

7. gotron jerrysis rickvangelion: rick is so spectacularly autistic in this one. i like how he doesnt silly hyperfixtate, he full on unhealthy hyperfixtates. i practically know this ep off by heart. comfort ep fr.

6. rickternal friendshine of the spotless mort: im not sorry for putting this up so high, i love this ep so fucking much. memory rick is so silly i love him sm. "You were a good friend, Rick. Goodbye." the blood ridge confession makes me FERAL. i can quote it word for word.

5. the wedding squanchers: THIS EPISODE. rick watching bp die in front of him. rick turning himself in :(. "everyone i know goes away in the end." the music was so good. "he's not coming back, is he?"

4. the ricklantis mixup: best citadel ep, fight me. j-22 trying to save simple rick only to suffer the same fate :(. slick jumping into the wishing portal. the ending was phenomenal, every single storyline was amazing and important. and evil morty returns.

3. auto erotic assimilation: love unity and ricks dynamic. blim blam humbling beth and jerry. jerry using the weed whacker right in front of the garage where rick just attempted. and no one notices. bc that's how it is. "do you feel it?" is a great song. maybe this ep is higher than it should be but it's my comfort ep, it means so much to me.

2. solaricks: first time we get to see dimension c-137 out of a flashback !! "I hope Summer knows what happens to the people you love!" "Oh, am I cool enough for you now? Well, that was easy. It only cost me fucking everything." "I don't know him. You're my grandpa, rick." rip jerry prime, my fav jerry. THIS EPISODE IS PHENOMENAL.

1. unmortricken: ok anyone who knows me knows this is my fav ep bcs i never stfu abt it. i mean, evil morty backstory, rick beating prime to death, GOD. ian cardoni was COOKING with the delivery of those lines, and the lines were fantastic. some good rnm moments. the angst is so good. "How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does." best look on down from the bridge moment.

i keep going over this a million times just to make sure everything is perfect but idk, some episodes are maybe interchangeable, im just going to post it bcs its been rotting in my drafts for quite a while now, everyone promise you dont hate me for putting an episode 1 slot too high or low /j

and sorry for all the jerry hate in this post, i dont hate him i just find him boring, so eps where he's the centre tend to be lower on the list.

[self-proclaimed-best-blog]

The fear.

The fear of being judged regardless of who you're with is actually crazy. I feel icky just talking about it here. I think I find strangers more comforting than my actual friends because they don't have an expectation of what my interests or personality will be. I could be anything.

But the moment something I'm secretly passionate about comes up in a conversation with some close pals I'm fucking doomed. It's over. Roll the credits already. Put me out of my misery. Because even if it's in positive context; I don't want them to know! WHY DO I WANT THEM TO KNOW???

I want them to know but I don't want them to have certain ideas of me. Ideas consisting of being uncool, or weird. I'm already pretty trashed on at school for being quiet but if I opened up about my interests I'd dig the hole deeper.

I have a mental list of things to say that make me appear awesome without letting them know much. But also trying to make them comfortable to bring those things up around me. I have a list of interests that are okay and not okay for me to share.

Actually, recently I told some of my closest friends for... just about a year now about my interest in a dumbass anime and.

I can't even fucking say it I feel gross.

This one ship in an anime that happened to be gay. And I've liked this anime since I was a little kid and read the mangas at the library. I've never told anyone though. (It was Card Captor Sakura. Sue me for being a boy who thinks magical girls are cool.) And I opened up about Yukito and Touya and how they had so much more potential and all the shit that could possibly be infodumped was definitely infodumped that day... and now I'm scared they think I'm some asian-gay fetishizing weirdo.

I'm pretty sure one of them might genuinely think that which just isn't true. It just so happens the only time I've ever really talked about shit like that was then. You guys don't know what animal it is until you uncover the whole skeleton, right? I was just starting to feel like opening up more too but I'm regressing. So much progress because of paranoia and one dumbass person who barely knows me out of the group. IT'S FUNNY ACTUALLY! NOBODY THERE KNOWS ME. I like them. I guess I trust them. But nobody takes time out of their day to show interest or get talk to me (Except that one person. Shoutout to her). Sure, I make them gifts for events and maybe it's my fault I'm so closed off and ask for nothing in return.

I actually just got over my agro habit of avoiding saying "I love you" to the people I care about the most. BUT I'VE REGRESSED YET AGAIN! This is why they left me bruh. It's so easy to say "I love you" to someone random because I don't mean it that much but when a person is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me: I'm suddenly dodging the three words like my life depends on it.

All because I'm worried to be vulnerable. I haven't talked about... REALLY talked about my interests for years. I always say "Oh, never heard of it." When they come up because I'm so horrified of people seeing me as me. I only want people to think I'm awesome, I'm cool, I make cool art, I make funny comics, and I'm just a great, laid back, chill guy.

But I'm none of those things. I'm some loser nerd who spends all day playing niche video games, watching anime, reading manga, skimming through wiki pages, listening to OST, binging Bobs Burgers, watching shitty 80's movies, sulking, stressing, talking to myself, barely eating and writing a really depressive blog.

I probably imagine and make up conversations more than I actually HAVE them. Horrible habit. I can honestly see why they ghosted my ass now. I'm a fucking loser.

I wish I was somebody else. I wish I was actually cool.

But I can't do shit but fake it until all these lame interests wash away as I get older. God, I hope it's soon.

[portypaper]

My 10 favorite things of 2022

10 - mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video

Sometime in 2018 I discovered the comedian/actor/writer Connor O'Malley's youtube channel filled with some of the best cringe comedy vidz I've ever seen. One of my favorites being "mcdonald's fan owns burger king in epic video" a pretty self explanatory video where O'Malley plays an angry McDonald's fan trying to fuck over Burger King and try to convince the customers to go to McDonalds. Around the time I discovered the video my friends had a little get together and I made sure to show everyone there the video, shit was just that good dude.

Unfortunately because there is this little scene where just a little bit of king of the hill porn is shown, I think it was hank hill wackin' his willy silly or some shit and because of that those FUCKERS at YouTube took it down, basically destroying the Mona Lisa of cringe videos. Now normally a video uploaded by a notable person getting deleted would be no big deal, it's like I was told as a kid "stuff on the internet lives forever" so I could probably just find a reupload of it on another site right? I ended up not being able to find any reuploads dailymotion, vimeo, or even porn sites.

Every few months something would come up that would remind me of this masterpiece and I'd start searching again, of course never finding anything except dead links, a single clip, and posts asking what happened to the video. That was until 4 months ago when I found this, some mad man actually had the full video and shared a full download. After 4 years I was finally able to watch one of my favorite cringe videos and brother it was even better than I remembered it being, if you're a fan of cringe stuff please do yourself a favor and watch it.

9 - Showa-Era Godzilla

As a teenager I started to notice a handful of people that I looked up to and thought were really cool mostly had a lot of the same interests, one of them being kaiju films. So sometime during Q1 of 2022 when I found out that almost every showa-era godzilla film was free to watch on YouTube I binged em with some of my friends.

Honestly the whole thing was a bit of a blur, like we were doing 2 or 3 a day for a week but I can say (with the exception of Son of Godzilla) they were all a really great time. If I had to choose a favorite I think Invasion of Astro-Monster takes it easy, small part because MF DOOM sampled it in the greatest opening track ever but, also because everything about the film is just so cheesy and charming, the costumes the sets just looking at it all makes me want to finally bite the bullet and make a cool low budget sci-fi movie.

I feel like I should explain the appeal of Godzilla since as an outsider I never really got it but I still feel new to being a fan and might not explain it the right way so I'll just say to check the films out yourself, aside from Invasion of Astro-Monster I also really fucked with Godzilla vs. Megalon and Terror Of Mechagodzilla. Godzilla vs. Megalon has Mr. Zilla himself teaming up with a neat lookin' robot Jet Jaguar and Terror Of Mechagodzilla has a great mixture of main character doing shit and big monsters fighting so nothing really feels like it drags on for too long.

8 - Norm Macdonald - Nothing Special

It's been too long since I watched it for me to really remember anything other than how much I enjoyed it so I'll just write down how I felt instead.

One thing I'm sure you've worried about is legacy, how you'll be remembered or if anyone will even care about your leaving. Something that really felt good about this comedy special was after the jokes were over we got a half an hour of Norm's comedy peers looking back at just what a funny and great person he was, a person who would hide his battle with cancer just so no one would worry. I don't really know what people think of me but I hope I end up being looked at the same way people look at Norm.

Oh also if you've never heard any of Norm Macdonald's comedy there are a whole lot of compilations of his stuff on YouTube, and also obviously this comedy special but I'm a bit unsure if this would be a good first watch since it's the last we'll ever get.

7 - King of Fighters XV

I've had a small problem with fighting games for the last 10 years, I love em but since I started getting into them there always felt like there was something off to where I couldn't fully click with one, like I could still enjoy the games I played like Street Fighter V or Tekken 7 but I just never felt like I got into a nice flow with them or if it was a game I clicked with it wouldn't last very long (R.I.P. MvCI)

Then late last year some friends were hyping up the next KoF game to me, I'd been burned in the past by taking one of their recommendations before so I wasn't super interested at the time then fast forward to February 2022 I was feelin pretty bored and decided to just say fuck it and buy King of Fighters XV and brother this shit just clicked instantly, the execution is a bit tighter than what I've gotten used to from modern fighting games but it all just feels so good I don't even mind when I accidently drop a combo. Oh my god and the characters fucking rule there is this one dude who has the Android 16 dunk and MvC ironman's unibeam. My favorite dude is the one who looks like a phone game icon and has a shit ton of grabs

This is easily the best fighting game of 2022, sadly the only bad thing about this game is the online matchmaking is pretty broken like the game plays like a slideshow with my friend who lives down the street but it plays perfectly with my friend who lives a few miles away. This game is a hardcore recommend if you're willing to risk the possibility of the online being dogshit with one of your friends.

6 - Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors and Zero

I've never really been a visual novel guy, the whole genre just felt like reading a book with extra steps. Then after trying to watch some stupid ass death game anime that just wasn't clicking I said fuck it I'll just play this to get my death game fix.

I actually tried to get into this game about 7 year ago? I remembered reading about it in Nintendo Power back in the day and decided to pick it up, unfortunately I tried playing it during a very stressful time and after playing the tutorial I put the game down intending to come back once things started to feel normal, anyways 7 years later I started up the PC port and had a lot of fun. The puzzles were clever and I had a great time trying to figure out if one of the characters were working behind the scenes of this death game.

I'd like to share more but I also really don't want to spoil this game so I'll just say "Snake" is the best character in the game :)

5 - Wolfenstein: The New Order

At the end of 2021 I was looking back at the games that releasing during the year and got really bummed, it really started to feel like games were just getting worse. Either stuff was coming out blatantly unfinished like Battlefield 2042 or It was just a flash in the pan game like Back 4 Blood or Halo Infinite that I couldn't even run on my little 1060. Games just started to feel so disposable and greedy, what was the point in installing the hot new thing when it took over a hundred gigs of space and wouldn't even last long enough to even be remembered? So at the start of 2022 I said fuck it I'm done with video games until I realized how boring life was so I said alright fuck it if the new shit sucks I'll just play the old shit.

I randomly decided to play Wolfenstein: The New Order and dawg this shit is one of the finest single player first person shooters I've played, everything about it was just so perfectly crafted. It's a game you can beat in a day and 100% in two, the guns and ammo is perfectly paced where I felt like I was always getting a fun new weapon to use on the nazis, and the story has just the right amount of silliness to keep my attention the whole time. If you felt the same way as I did at the start of the year please play it, or check out your backlog to find a gem like this.

4 - The Rehearsal

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and fix a mistake you've made? Well Nathan Fielder's The Rehearsal is sorta like that, Fielder being the absolute insane crazy person he is helps people rehearse things they're scared of doing, like in the first episode he meets a dude who lied about having a master's degree to his bar trivia friends and has him go through every possible scenario so he can confess to his one friend who he is certain will not take his lie well.

Some other stuff happens too, but this show left me fuckin' mouth agape in complete shock multiple times an episode and I don't want to spoil some of the absolute insane shit that happens in this show, so just trust me when I say this shit rules and you've gotta watch it, also watch Nathan for You if you haven't.

3 - Cyberpunk Edgerunners

Dawg, Edgerunners is the best animated project I watched in 2022. If you've watched it I don't need to say shit because you already know this shit rules, if you haven't watched it you should watch it. I think in the future when we look back at animation that dropped this decade we're gonna be remembering Edgerunners as one of the best of the 2020's. When I was watching there were just so many "holy shit this is so beautifully animated" moments, the story isn't anything super groundbreaking but god it's just so pretty and the characters are so charming.

2 - Pulp Fiction

Good Movie. Everything I want to say has been said by people way smarter than me so yeah, good movie is all that needs to be said from me.

1 - JPEGMAFIA

I'm no Fantano so I can't really properly explain what it is that made me love this dude's music so much but I randomly stumbled upon him in March and he's slowly been growing on me more and more til I eventually ended up just playing all his stuff on repeat for days without listening to anything else. Instead of going on and on I'll just list some of my favorite for you to check out.

BALD!

HAZARD DUTY PAY!

FREE THE FRAIL

THOT TACTICS

JESUS FORGIVE ME, I AM A THOT

I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT TIL MORRISEY DIES

1539 N. CALVERT

dude is just great and I wish I discovered him sooner.

Thanks for reading sorry if I explained myself poorly hopefully my writing will get better by doing this more alright I'm gonna go piss and play cyberpunk xoxoxo 😘😘

[reaction2whatever]

Agents of SHIELD S3E12-S3E14 reaction

So I'm already in the latter half of the season. Can't believe how fast I binged this show lol. I'm obsessed.

Agents of SHIELD S3E12

-Ok. This alien warm thingy can possess people, get access to their memories, and is immune to inhuman powers

-Just Splendid. upgraded evil Ward is even more creepy.

-Hunter calling Daisy and Lincoln "shake n bake" will forever be funny to me lololol

-I'm very proud of Daisy awwww she went from "I'm a monster and everyone's at risk" to "Terrigenesis made me who I was supposed to be"

-She's come a long way in terms of self-acceptance

-Creel?? Isn't he dead? He died after touching the obelisk didn't he???

-I don't like Talbot...he's just...a whole mixed bag of sexism and racism and condescending with that "clothes from another culture is a dress and I don't wear dresses" comment...just overall ignorant and annoying. Maybe it's supposed to be a comedic moment but nah I don't accept that

-Had to admit tho, this spar between Daisy and Lincoln Sexy AF.

-Lincoln is a lucky man to be pinned by Daisy smh

-I love Hunter. He's a smart man for bringing weapons lol

-This fight between Lincoln and Daisy is mmmm

-I mean I can understand both sides honestly. Both Lincoln and Daisy have valid points so I'm neutral.

-But the way Lincoln said"I wasn't hacking my way through life" is pretty hurtful, especially to Daisy who only learned hacking to find her parents and worked really hard to become a competent agent before getting her powers.

-It's perfectly okay to have a disagreement on something but mmm... maybe i'm overthinking this lol

-I never get tired of seeing Bobbi beat up a man lol

-waiiiiittt excuse meeeee Daisy did not just took off her clothes like that omg she's way too gorgeous and way too hot to do that I CANNOT handle it

-Lincoln you lucky lucky man

-Also why do I feel like Daisy is the dominant one in this relationship since she kissed lincoln and she pinned him and she took off her own clothes....just a thought lol

-ughhh just when I thought Ward couldn't get grosser and creepier. He just did. yuck

-Where are Hunter and Bobbi going??

Agents of SHIELD S3E13

-wtf why is Bobbi former shield and captured what just happened

-Lol the way she ordered a burger while being interrogated

-Is this gonna be a Bobbi and Hunter centered episode? ahhh I'm thrilled.

-Hunter is captured too lol and talking about mushrooms. This is gonna be a rescue mission episode huh

-awww Bobbi and Hunter never went on a vacation together?

-I like the dynamic between them. They are both just such fun characters

-Thinking about Daisy saying dirty talk in Russian and that's oddly hot

-Hunter's first name is Amadeus? lol did not expect that

-"Your weakness is each other" awww I know they're in trouble but still. I think Bobbi and Hunter might be my favorite couple on this show

-"Come on Daisy you can hack the Pentagon and shake the earth. You are gonna let a few backwards letters trip you up?"

-I love Bobbi

-I also ship Daisy and Bobbi lol

-Inhuman politician and a coup in Russia...This won't end well

-I love the conversation between May and Hunter. It's very in character

-Love hacker Daisy she so cute ughh

-I have a thing for smart ladies lol

-The way two Russians are having a meeting but speaking English to each other. just does not make any sense lolol

-Oh I love Daisy fighting alongside Bobbi way too much

-ohhhhh fuckkkk so Hunter saved the president and he still got arrested?

-and Bobbi is also arrested for killing the Inhuman Russian general...

-But yeah Coulson is gonna save them right?

-Oh no what's going on why won't they escape

-This theme is going too somber to save them

-Holy fuck nooooo are they leaving the show?????

-I mean I'm glad that they get to walk free but...

-"It's the Spy's goodbye"

-oh no they are really leaving

-The way I got so emotional

-But they are such good characters???!!!

-Whyyyyyy

-ugghhhh crying rn

Agents of SHIELD S3E14

-I'm still not over Bobbi and Hunter leaving.

-LOL the way Daisy cannot follow the sciency talk between Fitz and Mack and call them the nerd herd

-Her Skye humor is still there and I love that

-Seeing Simmons blames herself for the Inhumans Andrew killed is nice

-Not that she should lame herself, but that it's nice to see that the previous events have effects on the characters and that they were given the time and attention to react. Makes these characters more human

-omfg how cool and badass is Daisy when she just stopped a whole car

-just LOOK AT HER and THAT SMILE

-Daisy Johnson Ma'am you are gorgeous and please step on me

-I can feel Fitz judging Daisy's actions and frankly I don't really feel bad for the guy

-Also I don't think Fitz gets to criticize Daisy for breaking two windows when he helped open a portal to let the body jumping super creepy monster warm that looks like Ward got to earth lol

-Also two windows are nothing compared to a whole ass building

-I miss Fitz's little drones. Feels like they appear a lot less recently

-Oh no Fitz can't die of this sticky bomb thing right???? Is Fitz gonna get a cool scar on his neck?

-Oh no they thought Mack was an Inhuman. I worry for his brother lol

-There is no way they are gonna kill off Mack but his brother is a minor role and in real danger right now

-That shotgun axe is pretty cool

-I still miss Bobbi and Hunter. Are they really not coming back?

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse April Fools Special: Donald’s Pumbaa Prank (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome to my April Fool’s Special! And it’s also my patreon review for the month as Kev just so happened to randomly hit this one and once I realized it was an april fools episode I moved it up since things have been kinda hectic in the old brainpan lately, and as such my output slowed down a bit so I really wasn’t in great shape to do 4 episodes in one day. So instead see what hyjinks, fart jokes and murders of beloved disney characters insue under the cut as the hosue of mouse gets a bit foolish

The Wraparound:

It’s April Fools day at the House of Mouse and Donald pulls a prank on MIckey by cutting his break lines.. wait no that was last year. No this year he just puts some wax on the stage and MIckey trips, Donald laughs. Now if this were the real world this would be really dangerous and probably destroy their friendship and MIckey’s spine. But this is a cartoon that runs on cartoon physics. He was in no real danger. So Mickey’s retaliation on the other hand.. is just showing embarassing footage of Donald. It makes him come off as unecessarily cruel as instead of an actual prank or joke it’s just “Hey look at this embarassing footage of my friend I dug up”

This plot DOES get a lot bettter though after the setup: Pete talks Donald into kidnapping Pumba, planning to use Pumbas farts to clear out the club...

Yeah i’m not big on fart jokes. I’m not against them, when used right they can be comedy gold.. this song from bobs burgers is one such example

It’s just a lot of times farts and other bodily functions are used as the joke alone. That’s it. There’s no actual laughs or content too said laughs, i’ts jsut this is gross.  Thankfully this episode does not go really deep down the grossdout rabit hole, as we don’t see the fart on screen.. but it still dosen’t make “Pumbas’ ass gas is going to destroy the house of mouse” funny. 

There are some funny gags though: Donald’s method of distracting Timon so Pete can kidnap Pumbaa is to just stand there not saying anything and weirding Timon out , their replacement is just a bowling ball, two horns and a sack of something, and when Timon goes looking for Pumbaa, finds Zazu under a plate the hyena’s have.. and then just leaves him there. Seriously Timon just.. let’s Zazu die and I am here for it. 

Donald meanwhile thinks Mickey is planning another prank after mickey apologizes and has a special thing planned but it’s really jsut a lifetime achivment award, so Donald tries to stop it, then reveals the truth when Pumba shows up.. and gets his award taken away. Even though he had every reason to think Mickey was going to pull something because honest as he is i’ts april fools day. Mickey just... obnoxious in this one and it speaks to a larger problem with the series I remember from when I was a kid that i’ve noticed once or twice now: The show tends to have Squidward Syndrome, i.e. it treats Donald who can be obnoxious as wrong.. even when he’s done nothing wrong THIS EPISODE, like spongebob did to squidward at times, or if he has done something wrong his punishment is dispororitante. Donald did a minor prank.. and MIckey publicly humiliated him and Donald TREID to stop his prank. And goes above and behond to stop it, taking the fart attack at ground zero. Speaking of which the fart attack scene from parks and rec, also a good fart joke. 

And MIckey.. learns nothing by playing the test footage again even though Donald was just ground zero at an attomic level ass.

Final Thoughts for the Wraparound: It’s not great. I”m noticing that trend with Season 1 in general, where they really just didn’t have a ton of idea of what to do with the wraparounds. The episodes still vary in quality, but outside of the pilot most of the season 1 episodes are pretty disapointing as an adult, very simplistic plots that often don’t use the club’s nature to their full advantage or the characters to the same. It would get better though, but it’s something to notice. onto the shorts. 

The Friend for Life: This is a pretty simple one. Sam and Max, are after the mad Thesipian, whose exactly what he sounds like. We even get a really neat visual gag as sam just.. uses his little buddy as a sword while the Thespian uses a candelabra. But while our Freelance Police catch the weirdo, and Max takes a ride in the saftey tramp they set up for the guy, he escapes when the two are distracted by Norm, THE FRIEND FOR LIFEEEEEEEE. An obessive fanboy played by Patrick Mackenna of the Red Green Show, esentially playing an older and stalkery version of Harold.. now I think about it this might be his dad. I mean we don’t know where he went or what hapepend to the guy. Maybe he just went to the states to obesss over a rabbit and Dog. I don’t know. 

Lorne wants to help our heroes while Max understandably wants to run him over and sam just runs past him the minute they can. But despite finding the thespians layer  Max: (Singsong) We’re here to arressttt youuu Sam: (Also singsong): Rememberrrrr.. crimesss against humanitty? But it turns out Lorne, THE FRIEEEND FOR LIFFFEEEE, kidnapped him and puts on a show for htem of fighting thier old eneimies and a roller coaster death trap. Our heroes escape and begrudignly thank lorne even if they find his stalker shrine a bit much. 

Final Thoughts for The Friend For LIfe: A really solid episode and the fact i’ve binged several sam and max episodes since then really speaks to how good this one was. Seriously really funny stuff and I didn’t even cover half the great jokes in this one. Check it out, it’s on youtube. 

Mickey’s April Fools: An odd one but a fun one. MIckey is taking his asshole pills and goes overboard with his pranks, faking proposing to Minnie and faking his death after Mortimer pranks him. But it works... I mean is it grossly out of character? Oh god yes. Would it have made more sense by swapping out Mickey, Minnie and Mortimer with Donald, Daisy and either the boys or pete? Entirely. Is this short still hilarous. Yup. While i’ts not the best they’ve done on the show, it’s still really entertaining. The two end up getting him back, MOrtimer by faking a will reading only to have it go really poorly for Mickey as his death was reported, donald refuses to help due to Mickey’s last words to mortimer being “I’ve never undestood him” and Goofy being.. goofy. And MIckey is left hanging from a pole by minnie because fuck him. An out of character one.. but the sheer oddity of mickey being this dickish in the house of mouse shorts makes it work.  Be A Man: As a debut album for Randy Savage this Album is audotirally fucktacular, and with some polish randy could’ve had a long and successful rap career. As it stands, it is a sad one off not ein his career. 

Critters: On an asteroid prison, a group of dangerous aliens known as Krites are set to be transported to another station. The Krites engineer an escape and hijack a ship, prompting the warden to hire two shape-changing bounty hunters to pursue them to Earth. Studying life on Earth via various satellite television transmissions, the first bounty hunter assumes the form of rock star Johnny Steele, while the second remains undecided, thus retaining his blank, featureless head. On a rural Kansas farm, the Brown family sits down to breakfast. Father Jay and mother Helen send teenage daughter April and younger son Brad off to school while waiting on mechanic Charlie McFadden. A former baseball pitcher, Charlie has become the town drunk and crackpot, with claims of alien abductions foretold by messages through his fillings.

Playing with overly potent self-made fireworks and Charlie's slingshot, Brad takes the blame when Charlie accidentally shoots April and is grounded as a result. On the roof that evening, Brad mistakes the Critters' crashing spaceship for a meteorite; Jay and Brad investigate and interrupt the creatures consuming a cow. The creatures thereafter kill and feed on a local police officer, and later besiege the farm and cut its electrical connection. While checking the circuit breaker, Jay is attacked by one of the Critters and, being severely wounded, just barely manages to escape

.In the barn, April is about to have sex with her boyfriend Steve when he is killed by the one of the Critters; the creature itself is slain when it devours one of Brad's lit firecrackers. The remaining Critters sabotage the Browns' and Steve's cars, forcing the Browns to hole up inside the main house. Meanwhile, the two bounty hunters search the town for the Critters, causing a panic at the church and bowling alley, with the second hunter assuming the form of various townspeople, including Charlie. Brad escapes the farm to get help and runs into the bounty hunters, and upon learning of their true nature and intentions, he leads them to the Critters' location.

The last surviving Critters kidnap April and return to their ship when the bounty hunters arrive, and attempt to flee. Charlie and Brad manage to rescue April, but Brad drops a large firecracker he intended to use to destroy the ship when the Critters discover their escape. Just as the Critters take off and destroy the farmhouse out of spite, Charlie throws a Molotov cocktail made from his whiskey bottle into the ship, causing a fire which detonates the cracker and kills the Critters. The bounty hunters leave in their ship after giving Brad a handheld device to contact them in case of future invasion, and also restore the house. Unbeknownst to them, Critter eggs can be seen in the barn inside a chicken's nest that seem to be ready to hatch.

Final Thoughts on Critters: Critters is a wonderful film, despite what Rapheal from the teenage mutant ninja turtles might think but fuck him he has scabies. It’s fun, energetic, and ahs a great premise of instead of it JUST being on our heroes to repel the invaders, their caught between two diffrent sets of aliens instead and instead of a chisled jawed heroes the good aliens are simply bounty hunters with no care about collateral and only doing a job. It’s a damn fine film and I still need to make time to watch the sequel. 

Donald’s River Thing:

This is a simple one. Donald plans to go fishing, finds out it’s his and Daisy’s anniversary, her half birthday and valentine’s day and has to take her along and make it like a thing while being a dick about wanting to still fish, but in a very funny way while the local fish fight back. This is easily the standout of the episode incredibly funny, increidbly wholesome, and an incredibly good time. Really great stuff. 

Invincible Episodes 1-3:

This seires is fucking fantastic and you should go watch it. GO WATCH IT. 

Final Thoughts overall: 

YOUR NOT WATCHING IT

Final Thoughts Overall: This is a decent episode not much to say except HIT IT BOYS

[soupyboysforlife]

Oh F*ck

Hi guys! This is my first time writing fanfic so it may not be perfect or exactly how I wanted it to turn out but I’m very proud of it and myself. I really hope you enjoy!

Once again the whole world was in danger. Once again no one knew but the Winchesters and some close friends. Once again all of the pressure was on Sam and Dean Winchester to fix it.

(Please don’t be upset at this, I’m only on season 11)

Dean sighed. This whole “End Of The World” was starting to seem normal as it became a routine. When was the final shabang? He knew he wasn’t able to escape this life, not properly at least. There would always be another hunt up until the day he died. One boss fight after another like a bad, never ending video game. 

He finished getting ready, Sam was already waiting in the car. Dean did one final mirror check, quickly fixing an out of place strand of hair. He grabbed his duffle bag with a grunt and strut out of the motel room, locking it behind him. 

Dean walked up to the Impala’s trunk and threw the black duffle in before getting in. Sam looked up from the book he had his nose in. 

“Took you long enough, Princess,” he said.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Dean grunted, he started the car, turned on his tunes,drove off. The clock read 7:30. 

It’s too fucking early, Dean thought. 

Sam and Dean stopped at a Diner for breakfast. They sat down at a table and waited for the waitress to come ask them what they wanted. The two looked at eachother, noting the shared exhaustion. Maybe they wouldn’t be as tired if they hadn’t stayed up until 4 in the morning doing research.

Dean balled his fists on the table and placed his head on them briefly before the waitress came over to their table.

She was blonde, tall, skinny and beautiful, couldn’t have been more than 25. Just Dean’s type. Dean was obviously checking her out and was about to make a move before he saw the scowl on Sam’s face. His smile faded into an uncomfortable smirk.

The waitress made it to the table, looking just as done with life as the boys sitting in front of her and asked with just a hint of annoyance what they wanted.

“I’ll have a bacon cheese burger, extra onions, extra cheese and bacon, with fries on the side and a coffee, black” Dean said(of course). She jotted it down and turned her head to Sam.

“Uh, egg white Omelette with coffee, please.” He responded with a respective grin. He was always too formal when ordering food, Dean thought.

The waitress left to relay their orders to the chef. 

Dean finally looked around the Diner, they were the only ones in there with the exception of a lonely old man sitting at the high rise counter, staring at our waitress’ ass. Dean nudged Sam’s arm to draw his attention to it, trying hard to stuffle his laugh. 

Sam looked and immediately looked back at Dean with an annoyed face. 

“What?” Dean asked, still grinning with amusement. Sam’s expression remained unwavering, “C’mon. That’s funny.”

Sam remained unamused. “We have to work” he buried his face back in the book and kept it there, even when the waitress sauntered over carrying a tray with their food and coffee, which was unusual for a diner but it was early. Dean eagerly tore into his burger and wondered what the day would bring. They were planning to meet up with Castiel back at the bunker. They were only in town for a case involving some odd hybrid between a vampire and changeling. It was weird, but so were monsters. 

Dean thoughts wandered back to their blue eyed angel friend as he took a long swig of his black coffee. He felt a small smile spread over his face as he pictured the confused look on the scruffy face when some human trait or tradition didn’t make sense to him. He pictured softly kissing the plump pink lips, running his fingers through his beautiful black hair, questioning the chances of being able to cuddle up next to him as they binged Orange Is The New Black(Dean would have to explain to him the meaning of the title). Before he met the beautiful angel Dean was certain about his sexuality, he had forced down any thoughts or feelings about other boys in any other way than platonic. He still felt slightly uncomfortable thinking of Castiel in that way. Dean wasn’t entirely sure if it was internalized homophobia or the fact that he didn’t know if Cas felt the same way as him. His smile faded to a slight frown at the thought of rejection. 

“Dean.” Sam said, jerking Dean out of his trance, “Earth to Dean, please respond.” Sam continued sarcastically, getting an annoyed look out of Dean. “What were you thinking about?” 

Dean felt his cheeks start to heat up, “Uh, nothing. What’s up?”

Sam obviously didn’t believe him but didn’t pry, filling Dean with relief.

“I might have found a way to defeat her.” Sam offered the book to Dean, who had just taken another big bite of cheeseburger, causing Sam to retract his offer and instead read it out loud to him, “it says here we need something called the “Arrow of Brahma”, I haven’t been able to find a location but we can run things over with Cas back at the bunker.”

There it was again, that name. That one syllable that could bring a smile to his face or take it away.

They finished their breakfast, paid, and got back on the road. 

…

Dean was the first inside and once he got in he immediately headed towards his room to get some shut eye. His plans were foiled by Sam grabbing the back of his loose t-shirt and dragging him to the Study where Cas was waiting. Dean sighed in annoyance and exhaustion. “Come on, man.” he said with exasperation. 

“Stay. I’m gonna go see if we have any books on the Arrow.” Sam said, nudging Dean towards the brightly lit table in the center of the room where Cas was sitting. 

Dean made eye contact with Cas as he approached the table, sitting across from him. He put his head on the table, giving into his body’s plea for relaxation. He almost fell asleep like that but couldn’t for some reason. He lifted his head enough to see Cas staring at him with a slightly confused and concerned look on his face.

“What?” Dean asked, feeling his jaw hit the table with the word.

“You seem, tense,” Cas replied in his usual monotone voice, “I could fix it?” he offered, starting to reach out to Dean.

“Nah,” Dean said, he didn’t think he could handle feeling the angel’s soft fingers touching him, especially with the massive hangover he was suffering through.

Cas pulled his hand back, looking slightly hurt. Dean felt an apology rising in his throat, it was interrupted by Sam walking back into the room with a small stack of different sized books in his hands. He put three in two in front of each of them.

“What exactly are we looking for?” Cas asked.

“Where the arrow of Bra-man or something is.” Dean said, still unmoving from the position he was in.

“Brahma,” Sam corrected, shooting Dean a sour look, “it should be able to stop Aella.”

Dean rolled his eyes at his goody two shoes brother before sighing and lifting his head up to scan through the novels. 

They read through all the books in the library with no luck on finding its location. At that point Dean was almost completely knocked out. He heard Cas say something about using his angelic powers to look for it but Dean was too tired to register what his actual words were. He checked the time on his phone, it was almost two in the morning which didn’t seem too late but Dean had only gotten a few hours of beauty sleep the night before. He stood and mumbled something about hay to Sam before finding his way to his room. The second his head hit the pillows he was out, not even bothering to change out of his sweaty clothes. That night he dreamed happily about guns and a certain pair of blue eyes. 

It didn’t last long before he was getting shaken awake by a familiar pair of hands.

“Ugh,” Dean moaned sleepily, “What time is it?” 

“Dude, is three in the afternoon,” Sam said, chuckling slightly, “I thought you were dead.”

Dean sat up wondering if he looked as dead as he felt, “Who says I’m not.” he joked back.

“Cas is back with the arrow.” 

“Sweet. Do we have a plan of attack?” Dean questioned, not sure of what answer he wanted.

“No, we were waiting for you to wake up.” Sam said, with a note of sarcasm. 

“Really? Wow, I’m flattered.” Dean replied, squinting up at him with a half smile on his face and yawned.

“Don’t be,” Sam said, “I said we shouldn’t wait but Cas insisted.”

That caught Deans attention, “Oh?” his voice hitched a little.

“Yeah, I guess he thought you’d be awake sooner.” Sam smiled, “get changed and meet us in the kitchen, you reek.”

Dean scrambled up as soon as Sam had left the room, his face felt hot at the thought of Cas thinking about him. He quickly got changed and attempted to cover up his scent with some cheap cologne and deodorant before heading to the kitchen. When he got there Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop, clicking away at the keys. He made eye contact with Cas who was leaning on the counter with his usual serious face. Dean quickly looked him up and down with a smile. Cas shot back a cute confused look.  

Dean moved over to Cas, getting uncomfortably close, before he reached around him and poured himself a cup of coffee. Cas looked slightly panicked at the act but calmed down once Dean sat at the table. 

“Got any leads, Sammy?” Dean asked.

“Nothing on Aella but I might have found another case.” Sam responded, not looking up from the screen, “a werewolf in Massachusetts, three dead, two missing. Sounds interesting, wanna check it out.”

“Oh, come on man,” Dean answered in exasperation, “we just got off a case.”

“You don’t have to-”

“No.” Dean interrupted, “I’ll go. Just let me get a shower in.”

Dean walked into his room after showering in his usual Jeans, flannel, and gray shirt. He was rubbing his damp hair with a towel. Cas was standing by his desk. He was inspecting something in his hand that Dean couldn’t see what though. 

“Jesus, Cas.” he said, with a slight tone of annoyance. 

Cas whipped around, surprised at the sudden words. He quickly hid the paper he was holding behind his back.

“What the Hell are you doing here, man?” Dean asked, glancing towards the angel’s arms. 

“I-uh…” Cas stuttered, reaching for an excuse but not being able to grasp one.

Dean moved one step closer to him, “What’s that you got there?” he said gesturing to Cas’s arms while moving closer. 

“It’s nothing,” Cas responded nervously, “just something about the case.”

At this point Dean was close enough to Castiel that a slight movement of his hand could have him touching the angel’s arm. Cas was backed up against the desk, his back was leaned back towards the desk. His blue eyes were wide with a mixture of confusion and panic. 

Dean reached behind Cas and grabbed the note, not breaking eye contact. He slowly unfolded the note. 

“Dean…” Cas said, a hint of warning in his voice.

Dean looked down and read the note. It was a Good-bye note. From Cas. Dean felt a sudden rush of emotions. 

“Cas?” he said, voice breaking slightly, “Cas, what is this?”

“It’s- I-” Cas started to say. He never finished the thought.

Dean closed the distance between the two, pressing his lips to Castiel’s. Cas gasped at the unexpected action. Dean had pictured this moment a thousand times but never thought it would be like this. Cas didn’t return the gesture. Dean stopped and pulled back, cheeks flushed, looking embarrassed. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, backing up to sit on his bed with his hands in his face. Cas remained leaned against the desk. His face was frozen in shock, slowly processing what had just happened before slowly walking over to stand above Dean. He squatted down in front of him. Cas felt his mind and heart racing. He reached up and gently tugged Dean’s hands away. 

Dean’s face was already damp with tears but another betrayed him, running quickly down his cheek. Cas raised his hand to Dean’s face. His palm pressed against Dean’s cheek as he wiped some of the moisture from under the closed eye. Cas lifted his head and let his lips meet Dean’s once again. Dean melted into the kiss. 

It started soft with their lips barely on eachother. Dean grabbed Cas’s face to keep him close as he pressed further into the kiss. Cas moved his hand from Dean’s cheek up to his still wet hair. It felt cool as it slid through his fingers but it quickly warmed at his touch. 

Their lips separated after a little while. They pressed their foreheads together, not ready to stop touching but too overwhelmed with emotion to continue the kiss. What little space there was left between them filled with their heavy breath. 

Cas moved his hand around Dean’s arm and trailed it around his torso to lock with the other one, pulling Dean into a hug. Dean sank down to the ground on his knees. They slumped into each other. Dean breathed in Castiel’s smell. 

They sat there for seemingly hours, relishing in what had just happened. Fear that they might wake up and find it was a dream settling in their hearts. 

Fin

[beerecordings]

Umm is it possible to ask for different ipliers/septic egos accidently walking in on a Jim Jim religion meeting?

hahaha okay okay a goofy piece for a funny prompt. credit to the anon who suggested that the Jim twins would think JJ stood for Jim Jim, an idea which then progressed into us all joking about the twins starting a JJ-based religion (posts about it are tagged Jim Jim Jameson lol). so here’s a slightly crack fic but still a funny and sometimes cute look at the way the Jims interact with the others. a quick piece, slightly ridiculous hahaha <3

-------------

“Burgers? Who wants burgers and who wants hot dogs? Cheese? Who wants cheese? You know what, Derekson, just get me a list of everybody and what they want.”

“Wilford, sir, that’s not a spatula.”

“No? Then what is it, my dear boy?”

“Looks like somebody’s Wall-E DVD, Wil.”

Chase chokes on his soda and tries not to laugh aloud, though all he ends up doing is spitting Dr. Pepper out of his nose.

“Chase!” gripes Marvin, shoving his lawn chair away. “Gross!”

“He’s out of his fucking mind,” wheezes Chase, trying to keep it down.

“They all are,” hisses back Marvin, but he’s laughing too. Chase can see it in the shine in his eyes.

“Hey, shut up, man,” laughs Bing.

“You shut up,” shoots back Marvin.

“No, you.”

“You are two to one here, Bing-a-ling,” teases Chase, grinning.

“Aw, come off it,” chuckles the robot, sitting back. “Pass me a beer, will you?”

“You can’t drink liquids, Bing.”

“I like the aesthetic!”

“Wilford!” Edward is boxing Wilford away from the grill, trying to keep him from using Eric’s glasses as his second impromptu spatula. “I am grilling, you are absolutely one hundred percent banned from anything involving fire.”

“Now, see here, Bim,” growls Wilford.

“I’m Edward, Wilford. Google, tell Wilford he’s not allowed on the grill!”

On the other side of the space between the three houses, a head with shining black hair turns only slightly, and a smooth voice sounds.

“Wilford,” calls Google. “I have yet to see the darkness. Do you think he is in pain, stuck in his room?”

Wilford’s eyes flicker, distracted, even a little unnerved. He puffs himself up after a moment, dropping Eric’s glasses into the grass as if they were never in his hand to begin with. “What, my blackbird, stuck in his bedroom? I shall carry him if I have to. And we will sit on the grass and drink this cocaine soda everyone is always raving about!”

“For the last time,” groans Edward. “There’s no cocaine in Coca-Cola anymore!”

But Wilford is already hurrying off towards the house behind the peach trees, whistling to himself as he goes.

“Thank you, Google,” calls Ippy, sighing deeply, and across the yard the android raises a hand in silent acquiescence, his attention still on Jameson’s rapid signing. Something about American tea, as far as Chase can tell. He laughs and sits back against Bing’s legs, sprawling his own boots out in front of him and finishing his soda with a quiet sigh. There’s beer for his brothers but, like the residents of these three houses, he won’t have any. He’s supposed to be happy while they’re visiting this mess of a – would you call it a family? – and he won’t let old habits get in the way. He casts his eyes quietly around the yard, almost sleepy with the comforting laziness of the little vacation. Jackie is the center of Shep and Host’s attention, telling an enthusiastic story about a burning building that turned out to be a drug front he busted back in Brighton, Henrik is exchanging a birdie back and forth with Bim as they wait for Ippy and Eric to come back for doubles, and Marvin is right here, kicking Chase’s foot for fun while Google discusses Earl Grey in a monotone behind them.

“This is weird,” says Chase.

“Yeah,” says Bing.

“But not so much in a bad way,” adds Marvin, and they exchange grins over sodas and beers, warm in the sun and the scratchy California grass.

“Okay, I got everybody’s order, right?” calls Ippy, flipping a burger. “Host, you – oh, no, here you are. The twins, where are the twins? Hey, who knows what the twins want? Where are they?”

“I saw them going down into that little, uh, door?” says Chase, pointing at a pair of wooden doors sticking out of the earth by the third house.

“Oh, yeah, an old shelter,” sighs Ippy. “They hang out down there sometimes. I should get them, maybe, uh – ”

“Aw, no sweat, doc,” says Chase, clambering to his feet. “I’ll see what they want. You focus on getting the meat just right.”

“Thanks, Brody.”

Chase tweaks Marvin’s ear teasingly as he passes and steps towards the doors across the way, setting his feet and pulling them gently open. He steps down into the concrete basement and finds that it’s actually been decorated quite nicely for an underground bomb shelter – thick rugs are layered across the floor, leaving a little patch of space in the corner for a heater, and a pair of electric camping lanterns surround the twins where they’re sitting in the middle of the shelter, working on –

“Um,” says Chase. “Is that Jamie?”

Both twins let out shrieks of surprise and the first leans hurriedly down to blow out the candle of his lantern. It is, however, still electric. He groans in despair and flops down onto the rug, hiding the papers and pictures that litter the floor in his arms.

“Intruder!” wails the second, covering his eyes with his hands. “Jim’s fortress is breached!”

Chase is too distracted to reply by the pictures of his brother, which he now sees are not just littering the floor, but also covering the walls. Some of them are hand-drawn, hurried stick figures with mustaches and black hats, while others have been printed off from the internet, showing Jamie’s smiling face in sepia brown or grey and white.

“Uhhhhhh,” says Chase. “I, uh. What is this?”

“Nothing,” promise both twins, grabbing each other for support.

“Chase! Chase!” Feet patter down the stairs, bringing wild laughter with them, and Jackie and Shep appear with Jackie’s hands wrapped around the biggest toad Chase has ever seen, struggling in his hands. “Look at this fucking toad!”

“He just snatched it right off the ground,” howls Shep, who has always found anything Jackie did to be hilariously funny.

“I thought you’d appreciate more than Henrik, who slapped me for trying to make him pet it,” giggles Jackie, shoving it into Chase’s face. “He’s perfect and he – what the hell is all this?”

Shep and Jackie go just as quiet as Chase did, staring around the walls.

“Did you marker a mustache onto your puppy?” asks Shep, pointing at the stuffed animal in one of the Jims’ arms.

“Why does your computer have a livefeed of Jamie eating a hot dog?” asks Jackie a little more dangerously.

“Okay, fine, you have caught Jim!” cries the first one. “Jim is celebrating the great Jim Jim with knick-knacks and cute pictures.”

“His name – ” Shep pauses to sigh and smack his own forehead. “Boys. We have talked about some of these obsessions. The last thing you ‘celebrated’ was that three toed-sloth you saw on Planet Earth.”

“She was perfect!” howl both twins in sync. “Perfect, she was perfect! She just wanted a mate, Silver Jim, she just wanted a husband! She could swim, Silver Jim! She was a sloth with three toes!”

“Are they going to like, uh. Hurt and/or kidnap Jameson?” asks Jackie, touching Shep’s arm.

“What, the twins? No. They’re harmless. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, not on purpose. They once tied a string around one and then it died because they didn’t know how to feed it and they cried until Eric brought them popsicles, but that’s just the twins.”

Jackie steps politely over the babbling twins and carefully turns off the livefeed of Jamie.

“Jim likes JimJim!”

“Why is he leaving tomorrow?”

“Freedom of worship, Silver Jim! America!”

“Okay, okay,” cries Silver, waving his hands to quiet them. “Sh, boys, it’s okay, hey. Don’t fuss. Look, Jackie found a toad!”

The twins sniffle and turn their attention to the toad, instantly excited again.

“Oh! Like in Frog and Toad!”

“Like in Rango!”

“Like in the Princess and the Frog! But a toad! Can Jim have it, Mr. not-quite Jim Jim, please?”

Jackie shrugs and hands them the toad. “What are you going to call it?”

“Jameson!” cry both twins at once, happily petting the toad’s head as it croaks.

Jackie, Chase, and Shep exchange glances.

“Well, we’re heading out tomorrow,” says Chase.

“And I’m driving back to my apartment in the city,” adds Shep.

“Pretend we never saw this?” Jackie suggests.

“Yep,” answer Shep and Chase together, and the three of them turn and head right back up the stairs, passing a confused Ippy with two plates of hot dogs, who gives them one odd look and then continues down.

“Boys!” he hollers a moment later, and Chase, Jackie, and Silver all burst into laughter and hurry away, sitting down around Jameson, who wants to know what exactly is so funny?

“Nothing,” they all promise, ignoring Google’s eyeroll and Jamie’s indulgent smile. “Just another obsession of the Jims, haha.”

“Well, they go through three of those a week,” sighs Google. “Don’t get too excited. Whatever it is, they’ll be over it in a couple days.”

Perhaps that is usually true.

But not this time.

------------------

“Okay,” says Ippy, surveying the room besides the kitchen, blinking slowly. “This has officially gone too far.”

Host laughs rich and low, covering his mouth and leaning against the doorway, apparently endlessly amused by this newest interest of the cameramen’s. Eric giggles weakly, glancing around, but there’s a light of alarm in his eyes too, and it only makes Host laugh harder when he senses it, halfway collapsing against the doorway.

“Why is typewriter Jim laughing?” complains the second Jim, pasting another picture in a scrapbook labeled ‘the greatness of JimJim.’

“Is this a fucking cult?” asks Host. “I’ve seen worse but this one is certainly the cutest.”

“Jim is not cute!” protests the second Jim, while the first asks, “Oh, Jim, would you like to join Jim?”

“No, honey,” laughs Host, striding away. “I leave more patient men than I to deal with this.”

“Host,” grumbles Ippy, before sighing and turning his attention back to the Jims. “Boys, this isn’t a cult, right?”

“What’s a cult?” asks the second.

“Jim thinks the word doctor Jim is looking for is religion,” pipes up the first helpfully.

Edward turns around so he can swear without them hearing. Eric laughs again, relaxing the more he looks around and stepping over to sit down with the twins.

“Come on, Ippy. They’re just having fun.”

“Worshipping Jameson is not an appropriate way to have fun,” protests Edward.

“They’re scrap-booking.” Eric holds up the little book, which is, admittedly, rather well-made for a Jim project.

“And making a documentary!” exclaims Jim, holding his computer out to Eric, where iMovie is open to several very shaky shots of Jameson sitting on the couch or talking with the others or, on one screen, cooking omelets and turning occasionally to smile at the eagerly narrating twins.

“And making a documentary,” repeats Eric fondly, ruffling his hair. “It’s just arts and crafts.”

“There’s a poster of Jameson made out of sticky notes on the wall!”

“And look how good they did at putting the notes together!”

“Thank you, sweater Jim,” say both the twins politely, smiling.

“Eric, it’s creepy. They don’t need to learn to be obsessing over other people.”

“You let them stalk Mark for two months.”

“Oh, yeah, cause that was hilarious,” laughs Ippy, throwing his head back. “He was so confused. Fuck Mark!”

“Fuck Mark,” repeat the twins eagerly.

“No! Don’t swear, guys, I know you’ll start doing it at work if I let you do it at home,” sighs Ippy.

“Jim would never swear in front of the petting zoo animals!” cries the first Jim.

“And Jim would never swear while helping with the news!” adds the second, indignant.

“See how responsible they are! Ip, let them be. I’ll make sure it doesn’t get too creepy. Like, uh. The hairs in this scrapbook aren’t actually Jameson’s, are they?”

“Yes, from Jim Jim’s mustache,” answer both twins, beaming.

“Well, why don’t you let me have that,” suggests Eric, carefully unstapling the plastic bag with a few stray dark hairs at the bottom.

“You two will be the death of me,” says Ippy, shaking his head.

But they do look damn sweet when they’re smiling that big.

“Okay, but no filming Jameson when he’s not looking anymore.”

“Okay, doctor Jim,” promise the twins.

“Jim will do it when Jim Jim and doctor Jim are both not looking,” whispers the second.

“They’ll never suspect it,” agrees the first in a hush. Eric laughs, tidying their scrapbook materials a little.

“You could even learn BSL like Jamie, maybe,” he suggests.

The twins light up like fireworks.

“BSL!” repeats the first one, clapping his hands together.

“JIM CAN SPEAK AS THE GREAT JIM SPEAKS,” screams the second at the top of his lungs, and this is enough to startle Bing, who was about to ride his skateboard down the stairs. He yelps in alarm as his board slips beneath him, and a moment later he comes crashing hard down the stairs and lands in a heap of sparking parts at Ippy’s feet.

“The death of me!” repeats the doctor furiously, waving his finger around accusingly. “All of you! This whole house! This whole clearing! I’ll die at thirty-four! You’ll have to bury me! Have fun with my funeral expenses, you complete bastards.”

“Bastards!” repeat the twins.

“Look bastards up in BSL!”

“Look Jim up in BSL!”

“Look everything up in BSL!”

Ippy has the distinct feeling he’s being made fun of, just a little, but even Bing is laughing, and all he can do is try not to smile as he heads back out the door.

-----------------

“Can’t you move a body a little more quietly?”

Wilford hauls the heavy tarp across the pathway and grunts, flicking a little blood off his fingers. “Well, you could help!”

“Why would I do that when I have you to do it for me?” purrs back Dark, following him down the pathway towards the car.

“You just like to feel like you’re manipulating something,” scolds Wilford, pausing just to boop Dark’s nose. In protest, Dark vanishes back into the void and leaves Wilford with nothing but a sulking shadow drifting around his feet.

“And now you’re a smoke kitty,” coos Wilford, dragging the body farther down the path.

“Just hurry,” says Dark, re-appearing in a masculine form this time. “You know I prefer for the twins to stay sheltered and I don’t want them catching us again.”

“Catching what?” asks Jim, standing in the trees with his camera.

Wilford swears colorfully and Dark dissipates back into shadow on instinct, spitting out curses of his own.

“Now, see here, Iplier,” says Wilford. “It’s quite rude to be sneaking up on a fellow.”

“That’s Jim, Wil.”

“Oh. What in the name of Burt Reynolds are you two doing out here so late at night?”

“Oh! We’re filming for a documentary for Jim Jim.”

“They mean Jameson,” Dark tells Wil.

“Who’s Jameson?” whispers Wilford.

Dark sighs very deeply.

“He is the great Jim!” cries the second Jim, rising from the bushes like a Peanuts character on Halloween.

“The great Jim,” repeats the first Jim solemnly.

“He’s that little old-fashioned…” Dark waves his hand, trying to find the right word. “Jackson. You’ve met him.”

“Oh, I know who you mean. The British chap with the truly excellent mustache. But he’s not even out here, what are you filming?”

“Well, he is not here. But Jim has heard is very fond of hedgehogs. So Jim is trying to find some!”

“Are there hedgehogs in America?” whispers Wilford.

“Fuck if I know,” answers Dark irritably.

“Would you like to join Jim in the search for hedgehogs and ultimately the eternal worship of the great Jim Jim?”

“Don’t look so hopeful, you little miscreant, you know I avoid engaging with you at all costs,” growls Dark, but the twins just giggle.

“They used to be afraid of you,” teases Wilford.

“Shut up,” snipes Dark. “I could make them afraid in about two seconds.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“But you won’t.”

“The real question,” interrupts one of them – Dark can’t tell them apart. “Is what are Dark and pink Jim doing out in the forest late at night? Jim is a very good reporter, you know. Jim uncovers mysteriousnesses.”

“I think you mean mysteries,” says Dark. “And we’re, uh.”

Wil and Dark glance at the body in between them.

“Returning a lamp to the store,” finishes Wil.

Dark closes his eyes. His exasperation has set in so deep he can feel it in his broken spine. He’s going to kill Wilford. But then again, he thinks that about three times a day and never seems to make good on his threat.

“A lamp,” says Jim.

“A lamp,” repeats his brother.

They stare down at the wrapped corpse.

“That checks out,” says the first.

“Jim is an investigative journalist so Jim can tell,” agrees the second.

“Just get out of my sight,” snaps Dark, advancing on them with shadow cloaking his set shoulders, and the twins shriek in equal parts fear and excitement and go darting back into the underbrush.

“You’re it, Mr. Dark!”

“Run, Jim! Run!”

Dark crosses his arms over his chest and turns to glare at Wilford.

“I could scare them if I wanted to.”

Wilford just smiles and picks up the body again, pausing only to give Dark a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I know you could, little ghost. Hey, should we be worried they appear to be worshipping Jacksepticeye?”

“Should I be concerned you told me you worshipped the Pillsbury dough boy while you were drunk last week?”

“Oh, no, the body is slipping! Let me just – ” He picks it up and slings it over his shoulder, sprinting towards the car and away from any further questions. Dark rolls his eyes and drifts back into the shadows, following peaceably after him.

---------------------

Google blinks awake to a pair of eyes staring back at him.

Check that. Two pairs of eyes.

“Boys,” he says levelly. “I’m charging. This had better be an emergency.”

Jim and Jim exchange looks.

Carefully, they push a crumpled pamphlet with Jameson’s face drawn on it in crayon beneath his nose.

“Join our religion?”

Google gets out of bed in one swooping motion, drags them both out of the house, and, ignoring the shrill cries of “why, cruel computer Jim?” and “persecution! Persecution! Persecution!” dumps them both bodily into the lake.

---------------------

Everybody gets to hear about it at one point or another. The Jims’ amicability for JJ, taken a little too far, is occasionally annoying, but nevertheless remains largely harmless. In the name of the great JJ, they pick up more than one of his hobbies – taking care of injured animals, painting with watercolors, dressing in black and white – and develop rudimentary BSL that actually turns out to be really helpful on the days when the twins are distressed and won’t talk out loud. Most of them learn to tolerate it with amusement, though Host never stops thinking it’s one of the funniest things they’ve ever done and Google makes sure they learn the consequences of being too irritating. Bing and Eric bring them craft supplies and trinkets from the store that remind them of JJ, while Ippy entices them to eat their vegetables and sit still through examinations with made-up stories about how tough and healthy Jameson is. On Christmas Eve, as a reward for being good all year, Ippy asks Jameson to Skype with them for a little while, and he’d never seen the twins so excited and yet so well-mannered at the same time, even managing to use first-person pronouns for themselves once or twice, eager to impress JJ.

“Good signing,” he congratulates them, looking soft and snuggly in the Christmas Eve pajamas he and his brothers all exchanged for the night.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” sign the twins eagerly, and Ippy chuckles, blowing on their hot chocolate to cool it before he brings it to them.

“You must have been dedicated,” says Jameson, and when they don’t understand, he substitutes the word “good.”

“Good!” chirps Jim, clapping his hands together. “Good! We have! We have!”

“You will tell Santa to bring us gifts, then?” asks his brother eagerly. Ippy smiles and takes a sip of the chocolate, checking the temperature carefully.

JJ laughs. “How will I tell him? Did you write letters?”

“Yes, we did. But I bet he will believe it if Jim Jim puts in a good word for us!”

“That’s sweet,” chuckles JJ, keeping his hands slow. “But I think he will listen to you too! I’m just little old me.”

“Yeah,” says Jim cheerfully. “God.”

Ippy spits the hot chocolate out and races over to slam shut the computer before he can see Jameson’s reaction.

“Boys!” he hollers. “Too far!”

Iplier hears a thud as, up the stairs and narrating this story to himself, Host laughs so hard he tumbles right out of his bed.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

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Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[imaginewithmgk]

Last night I had a dream that kells and I were on the gq couple thingy & it was fucking hilarious. I think he’d be a fun time on there. Is there any way I could request you do an imagine like that?? Please ! 🙏😇

GQ COUPLE’S QUIZ

request fourteen

summary: colson and his gf y/n do the gq couples quiz together

word count: 1,877

warnings: mention of nipsey hussle’s death

3rd person’s P.O.V.

Y/N sat down in the chair while her boyfriend sat beside her in a different chair.

“You ready?” He asks her and grabs her hand, knowing that she gets nervous when someone is filming her. Although she gets nervous, she knows that this kind of stuff comes with dating a celebrity. 

“Yeah, are you okay with doing this?” She asks Colson, knowing that he was upset earlier today because Nipsey did this interview with Lauren before he passed. The death had hit him really hard but doing this was a way to honour Nip’s legacy, as their GQ interview was really popular. 

“Yeah baby, let’s do this!” He smiles. 

“Okay guys, you know the drill. Y/N will ask Colson the questions off her cue cards and we will keep track of the points. We begin rolling in 3, 2, 1…”

“Hey everyone. I’m Y/N Y/L/N and I’m here with my boyfriend, Colson Baker a.k.a Machine Gun Kelly. This is the GQ Couples Quiz, hopefully, y’all know how it works. Are you ready baby?”

“Yeah let’s do it,” Colson smiles at her. 

“Alright, what was the first meal I ever cooked for you?” Y/N grins at him.

“God that was a long time ago,” He chuckles. “Are we talking when we were friends or when we started dating?”

“Hmm.. let’s go with friends to make it harder for you,” 

“Was it… cereal or something?”

“Babe!”

“What!?” 

“It was grilled cheese! When you were hungover and came to my place,” She playfully hits his shoulder. 

“Oh yeah! I knew that so I should still get the point,”

“No, you didn’t!” They laugh together.

“I’m going to be so bad at this,” He puts his head in his hand and laughs.

“Confidence is key,”

“Yeah baby I know,” They smile at each other. 

“Okay… how many tattoos do I have?” Colson looks up and furrows his eyebrows. 

“Let me imagine your body hold on,” He points his finger in the air as if to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…”

“Come on,” Y/N encourages him.

“11?”

“Correct!” Y/N high fives him. “Bonus point if you can name them,”

“I don’t know about that,” Colson teases. Y/N playfully shakes her head at him.

“What’s my favourite colour?”

“Easy, green.” Colson pauses. “Or the colour of my eyes,” He winks.

“Correct, good job. Two points so far,”

“What was my first job ever?” 

“Fuck, it was at a fast-food joint right?” 

“Yes! Three points,”

“I’m smashing this!” Colson pumps his fist in the air. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Y/N giggles. 

“If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, what would it be?” Y/N nervously shuffles the cue cards.

“I don’t know if I can say that one on camera baby,” He laughs. 

“Kells!” She swats him with the cue cards and laughs. 

“Nah, Nah. Pasta right?” 

“Nice save. Correct,” 

“Alright, what’s something on my bucket list?” 

“Ummm… go to the Olympics? Like attend it, not be in it!” 

“Yes actually, I’m surprised you know that one.”

“You gotta give me more credit, I listen…” He pauses. “Sometimes,” Colson joking around is noticeably making her feel more comfortable. 

“How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

“How am I supposed to answer this without making you mad?” Colson teases. “You ignore me, gimme the cold shoulder,”

“I mean you’re not wrong…” She admits. “What colour are my eyes?” Y/N shuts her eyes quickly. 

“Damn, now I can’t cheat. They’re green yeah?”

“No! They’re brown!” She says as she opens her eyes.

“With little green bits in them!”

“Babe! They do but they’re mostly brown. I reckon that one’s wrong.”

“Not fair,” Colson jokingly pouts. 

“Let’s move on. What’s my favourite “pump up” song?”

“Till I Die by yours truly,” Colson grins. “Obviously. How many points am I on now?”

“7 I think?”

“Out of how many questions?”

“9?”

“Alright, I’m doing okay so far,” 

“What’s my favourite movie?”

“Notting Hill!” Colson answers quickly.

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Yeah well, you make me watch it at least three times a week,” 

“True,” She giggles. 

“How long does it take to my makeup?”

“Well, it depends on the look, pretty much between 5 hours to 3 years!” Colson jokes.

“Hey! It does not take me that long. It takes me life half an hour to an hour!”

“Yeah well for me it feels like a lot longer than that,” He laughs. 

“What’s my favourite fast food and what do I like to order?” 

“Oh, easy, your favourite place is KFC and you like to order a double tender meal! That’s an Australian specific burger for all you uncultured swine,” He jokes. 

“Correct!” Y/N laughs. “Who influenced me when I was growing up? Music-wise,” Y/N asks cheekily. Colson rolls his eyes. 

“Eminem,” He mumbles. 

“What was that?” Y/N giggles.

“Eminem!” He speaks a bit louder which makes Y/N burst into laughter. God knows if these two will have any laughter left in their body after this interview is finished. 

“Correct again. You’re rocking this baby,” 

“What am I on now?”

“Like ten I think?”

“Sick!”

“Describe me in three words,” 

“Gotta make this appropriate. Let’s go with sexy, funny, no actually! Hilarious! And kind,”

“Awe thanks, Kells!” 

“What am I most comfortable sleeping in?”

“Nothing,” Colson winks at the camera. 

“Oh my god,” Y/N puts her face in her hand. “Let’s move on.”

“Wait wait wait is that correct?” He smirks.

“Yes! Now, what am I most scared of?”

“Small spaces right? You’re claustrophobic or whatever they call it,”

“Yes and no. I am scared of small spaces but it’s not what I’m most scared of,”

“What is it then?”

“I’m most scared of losing you,” Y/N blushes.

“Awe babe! I love you,” Colson kisses her cheek. 

“I love you too,” She smiles. “What’s my Starbucks order?”

“Either cold brew or a green tea frap with whipped cream,”

“Correct! I think that’s 13 now?”

“Yay!”

“Who’s my favourite actor/actress?”

“Obviously me, or Hugh Grant,”

“Another one correct!”

“Where was I born?”

“Easy, Australia!”

“Do you know where in Australia?”

“Melbourne?”

“Yep! I knew that you knew that, I just love hearing you say Melbourne in your accent,” Y/N admits, to which Colson laughs. 

“Who is my celebrity crush?”

“Is that even a question? It’s obviously me,”

“Yes… obviously…” Y/N says in an uncertain voice.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Colson furrows his eyebrows. 

“Nope!” Y/N laughs. “Moving on… what is my favourite nickname to call you?”

“Daddy,” Colson winks at the camera.

“Colson!” Y/N raises her voice, clearly embarrassed. 

“Or Kells,” 

“That’s better,” They laugh together. “Who is Casie’s favourite? If you don’t know, Casie is Colson’s beautiful daughter,”

“Um me of course,”

“No, me!”

“Hey! I’m better with her!”

“No, she loves me more,”

“No, she loves ME more! I’m her dad!” Colson whines. 

“There’s only one way to settle this,” Y/N grins and grabs her phone out of her jacket pocket. She clicks on Casie’s facetime contact and moves the phone to show only her face.

“Hey Y/N!” Casie answers.

“Hey baby girl, I have a question for you.”

“What’s up?”

“I wanna know who’s your favourite, me or your dad?”

“Is dad with you?”

“No…” Y/N chuckles.

“Okay don’t tell him but you’re my favourite!”

“Hey!” Colson yells. 

“Y/N you said he wasn’t with you!” Casie pouts.

“Sorry hun, we’re doing a video and he thought that he was your favourite,”

“You’re both my favourite!”

“You can’t go back on your word now,” Y/N jokes. “I gotta go now but I’ll see you soon!”

“Okay love you both!”

“Love you too!” Colson and Y/N say at the same time before Casie hangs up. 

“Told you I’m her favourite,” Y/N winks as Colson sits in his chair sulking.

“What’s my favourite tv show?”

“Depends on your mood. I know your top three are Law & Order SVU, Supernatural and Big Mouth,”

“Good one baby!”

“I only know that because you also make me watch those with you,”

“Shh you’re on 18 now I think,”

“Out of?”

“23 I believe,”

“Hmm, that’s okay,”

“Where did we first meet and what did I think of you?”

“We met at one of my shows and you thought I was an asshole,” Colson chuckles.

“I did think you were asshole but really hot,” Y/N admits.

“Great,” Colson laughs. 

“What’s my favourite ice cream flavour?”

“Mint choc chip!”

“No, it’s cookies and cream. You know better,” Y/N jokes. 

“Oops,”

“Okay, what’s my zodiac sign?”

“Oh! Virgo! And I’m a Taurus! I only know this because Y/N is trying to educate me on all of the signs,” He laughs. 

“Yes I am, he’s doing very well so far. Clearly,”

“I try,” He swats his imaginary hair behind his shoulder making everyone in the studio laugh. 

“What’s my favourite part of my body?”

“Coincidently, it is also my favourite part of your body. Your butt!”

“Yes,” Y/N says in between chuckles. 

“What’s my favourite song of yours?”

“That’s hard because you have so many!” Colson laughs.

“It’s true… how about name one off each of your albums?”

“Alright, I’ll just do the mainstream ones. Lace Up, your favourite is Wild Boy or See My Tears. General Admission, your favourite is Bad Motherfucker or Merry Go Round or Till I die! Honestly most of the songs off that album. Bloom, Let You Go or 27 or Wake + Bake cause you said my voice sounds really hot in that,”

“Don’t at me like that!” She laughs. “But it’s true,” She winks at the camera. 

“I know BINGE is an EP but still, your favourite is NYLON. Hotel Diablo, it’s Glass House or 5:3666 or el Diablo. And off Tickets to my Downfall, well that’s a secret.”

“Wow, you got all of them right! I really love Baddest and Lead You On too by the way! Highly recommend checking out all of those songs,”

“I’m glad you like my songs baby,”

“Of course. Now, what’s my favourite thing about you?”

“Physically, one thing we can’t mention on camera,” He winks. “Or my tattoos. Y/N has a really bad habit of tracing them like 24/7,”

“I can’t help it! They’re all so interesting. I think I’ve bugged him about telling me the meaning of every single one,” 

“True that. I reckon emotionally though, your favourite thing is how much I care about everyone,”

“Oh yeah for sure. Onto the last question, you ready babe?”

“Yep,”

“What’s the biggest scar on my body?”

“I don’t know babe! The one on your leg?”

“Yes actually,”

“Aye there we go!”

“Well, that was my last question, thanks for playing baby and thank you for watching!”

“What was my score?”

“24 out of 30 I think,”

“Oh,” Colson looks down at his feet. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with that but that’s the score Nip got when he did this with Lauren. Shout out to those two, rest in peace. Neighbourhood Nip forever!”

“Love you,”

“Love you too baby girl,”

-

I did not check over this so sorry for mistakes lmao

tagged: @2dead2function @s-j-g-x @bakerkells @mayaslifeinabox @onlybadthingz @PumpkinQueenest19 @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @Feeding-into-darkness @xxkellsvixen19xx @lovemythsworld @xwhitewalkerx @deanwinchesterswife121 @jindongdongie​ @itjustkindahappenedreally​ @machine-gun-colson​

link to be tagged in future posts

[sammysreelreviews]

Counting Down My Top Ten Animated Tv Shows Of The Last Decade

What’s up bitches?! It’s time for my second decade countdown! If you know me you know I love animated shows so I just had to give them their own countdown! So many amazing animated shows have happened in the past ten years and I’m so excited for future shows! I’ll probably cry writing this cause I’m a little Pisces bitch! Enjoy the list and there will be ***SPOILERS!!!***

10. Disenchantment (2018- ) Netflix

Disenchantment in a way is a feminist cartoon because Bean is a princess who wants to do things her way but she’s also flawed which I think is important! I only started watching this show because I’m obsessed with Broad City and Abbi Jacobson voices Bean so of course I’m going to watch it! I really hope we get more lore and Elfo in season 3 and I can’t wait for what they come up with next!

9. Aggretsuko (2018- ) Netflix

A show about a red panda who likes to song metal karaoke sounds ridiculous but it’s ridiculously good. This show not only makes you think about how draining corporate work life is but also about how people make you feel and how sometimes you just need a mental health day. I’m so grateful Netflix kept this show running and I even have Aggretsuko days of the week socks that my therapist loves so I don’t wanna hear shit!

8. Steven Universe (2013 - ) Cartoon Network

My friend Genna literally does not stop asking me to watch this show and she made me before I made this list and I actually like it. I haven’t finished the show I just started season 3 but Steven Universe is charming and vulnerable which is hard to do with a kids show. Another thing I love about it is the backstory. I feel like one of the best parts of the show is the intricate backstory of the different gems and it’s what makes me keep watching honestly. I can’t say much cause I’m not done yet but I’m liking what I’m seeing and I love Steven and Garnet’s relationship so much!

7. Big Mouth (2017- ) Netflix

Big Mouth. I’ve talked about this before so I won’t say much but this show is so fucking weird but so fucking funny I hope it never ends. “Lucky Malala, that’s what they call her.”

6. The Amazing World of Gumball (2011- ) Cartoon Network

Ok so I always saw random episodes of Gumball on TV but I never watched it fully until like a couple months ago and it’s just so creative, hysterical, and the animation is insane like there’s 3D and 2D characters just co-existing together. I wrote about Gumball like two or three articles ago in shows that ended way too soon but they’ve announced that we indeed are getting new Gumball episodes very soon! I’m PRAYING we get some closure after that cliffhanging as fuck season finale! Also, is Darwin not the cutest animated character since Flounder!? Maybe it’s a fish thing!

5. Bojack Horseman (2014- ) Netflix

Ok so this is probably the millionth time I’ve mentioned Bojack here but this last season was about Bojack taking responsibility and getting his life back together which really resonated with me. In a way I could relate I wanted to stop making mistakes and better myself for me and for my friends and family. Bojack is the king of self sabotage and and one point I was too. Unfortunately I’ve been having crippling anxiety but this time I’ve tried every step and opportunity to get better which is what Bojack is doing now and I’ve never had an animated show explore that. I’m so sad it’s ending but honestly it’s a must watch! Sorry that got so personal I have no idea why I’m feeling so fucking emo right now. Bojack Horseman is funny as hell too just FYI!

4. Gravity Falls (2012-2016) Disney XD

Gravity Falls, yet another show I’ve mentioned countless times, is not only hysterical but there’s a mystery that makes you want to rewatch it the minute you finish it. I really wish this show would’ve gone on forever and ever but all good things must come to an end.

3. Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015-2019) Disney Channel

This show actually broke my heart when it ended. Star is a show that not only has a heartwarming plot but it has tons of laughs too! Ponyhead was another character that I could relate too and I loved the LGBTQ representation it had. Everyday I pray they reboot this show so we can see what happened after the world was rid of magic and to see Marcos and Star get married.

2. Bob’s Burgers (2011- ) FOX

I’ve made an entire list of my favorite Bob’s Burgers episodes which you can read here, so I’ll keep this short. Who couldn’t love this show about the best family on tv? Bob’s Burgers is a show that I can tell you what happens in each episode. I watch it when I’m in any mood whether I’m angry, sad, or super happy it’s my go to pick me up and that’s why I’m obsessed with it.

1. Adventure Time (2010- ) Cartoon Network

I don’t know how to put how much I love Adventure Time into words because it’s a show I binged in one of the lowest parts of my life mentally. Not only is Adventure Time hysterical but it has so many characters and story lines that would make the most macho man cry. I’m so happy that HBO Max is giving it four epilogue episodes because I missed Finn, Jake, BMO, and the rest of the gang so much. Ok let me stop typing about this show before I start really crying lol. Adventure Time is not only one of the best animated shows of the decade but it’s my favorite animated show ever made and I’m so happy it was there for me when I needed it. Yup. I just cried and that’s why Adventure Time is number one.

[waywardaardvark79]

Check Yes or No Part 11: Baby Steps

       Summary:  You've been best friends with Dean Winchester since childhood. When you finally realize what's been in front of you this entire time will secrets threaten to destroy what you have before it really even begins.

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warning: language

                                  One week later, Sunday

      You had agreed to meet Dean for lunch to finish the conversation Sam interrupted at the anniversary party. Dean had told his family everything, and you had more support than you thought you would, none of them really caring much for Lisa in the first place. 

Mary had a long talk with you, and while she wished that you two could eventually work everything out, she understood how you felt. The day before Sam left to go back home he told you that he understood your side of things and offered you a place to stay with him and Jess if you ever needed to get away for awhile. Your friend Ashley, who had also been informed  about everything as well, told you that you were more than welcome to come and stay with her and her husband Stephen if you needed to. 

You mulled both offers over, and were seriously considering taking them up on it, maybe it was exactly what you needed, just a little time away to clear your head. You checked the time on your phone, Dean was 30 minutes late, only to see no missed calls or texts. You waited for another fifteen minutes before giving up, paying for your coffee, and walking outside to your car. 

       The rest of your afternoon was spent lazily binging Netflix from your couch. You heard your phone ping from the coffee table, and groaned as you reached for it, a new text from Benny lighting up your screen.

                           Benny didn't reply back, and you tossed your phone back on the coffee table. You had dozed off on the couch when a knock at the door pulled you from sleep. You unwrapped yourself from your blanket cocoon and shuffled to the door. You flung it open, not looking through the peephole, to see Benny standing there with a couple of take out bags. 

He looked you up and down, "Were you sleepin'?" 

You held the door open, and gestured for him to come in, "I dozed off on the couch." He held the bag of food out to you and you pointed to the coffee table, "Want a beer?" you asked.

 "Sure." he said as he made his way into your living room and plopped down onto your couch. 

You returned with two beers, handed Benny his, and plopped down next to him. You grabbed the take out bag from the table and ripped into it, "You really didn't have to do this." you said as you popped a fry into your mouth. 

"I kinda need some advice." he said as he quickly swiped one of your fries. 

You chuckled, "And you came to me for said advice? I'm probably the last person you want advice from, but I'll try." 

He took a swig of beer, "I think I may have met someone." he hesitantly said. You took a huge bite of your burger, waving your hand for him to continue, "I did some work on her car. We were friendly with each other." 

"So, you went all Southern charm on her?" you cut in.

 Benny rolled his eyes, "Maybe a little. Anyway I finished the job yesterday, and she came to get her car, and she gave me her number."

 "Call her." you simply stated. 

Benny laid his head back on your couch, "What do I say?" he asked.

 "Just be yourself, Benny. You are charming as fuck. You'll have no problem." 

He looked over at you, "I've been out of the game awhile, sugar, and my charm didn't work on you."

 You shoved more of your burger in your mouth, and mumbled out, "Well, I'm an idiot." You swallowed as quickly as you could, "You'll do fine. She's gonna love you. Trust me." you said. 

Benny chuckled, "You just said you were an idiot, now it's trust me." 

You slapped at his arm, "Trust me. Call her, and just be yourself. You're a catch, Benny." 

You grabbed your beer and downed it. You started to get up for another, "I got it." said Benny as he walked into your kitchen. 

He returned a moment later, two beers in hand, "So, you and Dean doing any better?" he asked. 

You grabbed the bottle from his hand, and shrugged your shoulders, "We were supposed to meet for lunch today, but he never showed." You took a drink, "Sam offered me a place with him and Jess."  you said. Benny's eyes widened at your statement. "Just to visit for a few days. You know get away for a little while." you cleared up. 

"Might be something to think about. Clear your head. Just don't go runnin' off on me." Benny said.

 "Can't get rid of me that easy, Bear. I mean, who would you come to for awesome advice?" you asked.

 "True, Cas and Garth aren't too bright when it comes to the ladies." he said.

 You laughed a full body laugh, "Cas,  gave you advice?" you asked.

 "He tried to." said Benny. 

"Oh, God. I wish I could have heard that." you said.

 The conversation flowed easily between you and Benny. You were on your third beer when you heard a knock at the door. "Maybe it's more food." you joked as you got up to answer it.

 You opened the door to see Dean standing there, "Y/N, I'm so sorry. I can explain...." he trailed off as he noticed Benny sitting on your couch. He narrowed his eyes, "Am I interrupting something?" he asked.  

You rolled your eyes, but before you could say anything you heard Benny clear his throat. "I was just heading out." he said as he stood from the couch. 

You turned to face him, and Dean walked inside, "Come in." you grumbled. You closed the door and walked over to Benny, "You don't have to leave." 

"It's fine." he said. 

You walked him the short distance to the door, "Thanks for dinner, and listen to what I said. Call me and let me know how it goes, or stop by the shop tomorrow." you said as you hugged him.

 He leaned down and whispered in your ear, "You ok?" 

You pulled back and nodded. Benny opened the door and stepped out, "I mean what I said." you called after him. 

He waved you off, "See ya tomorrow, sugar." 

      You slowly closed the door and turned around to see Dean surveying your living room as if he were looking for evidence of a crime. "Awfully chummy." stated Dean. 

You sighed, "Really? That's what we are starting with?" 

He shrugged his shoulders, "You tell me?" 

"Jealousy isn't a good look on you." you said as you picked up the empty beer bottles and headed toward the kitchen. 

Dean quickly followed, "So, I have a reason to be jealous?" he asked. 

You chucked the bottles into the trash a little more harshly than you meant to, "Jesus Dean, he brought me something to eat, and asked my advice on something, not like it's any of your business or anything." you said. 

"Come on, Y/N. You know he has a huge crush on you." Dean argued. 

"So, what if he does?! We aren't a thing anymore. I can talk to whoever I want." you yelled. 

Dean narrowed his eyes and took a few steps toward you, "So, you talkin' to Benny now?" he asked, venom dripping from his words.

 "And what if I was?!" you yelled back. 

He didn't answer, just stood there glaring at you. "Jesus Christ, he came here to ask my advice on asking someone out. He met someone at work, and needed some help." you stated as you marched back into your living room. 

"Why didn't you just say that?" asked Dean. 

You reached for your half full beer, "Not so fun being jerked around is it?" you asked before quickly downing what was left.

 Dean looked at you, confusion written all over his face, "We were supposed to have lunch today." you filled in the blank for him. 

Dean looked down at the ground and sheepishly stated, "I can explain that." 

"Oh, I'm sure you can." you sarcastically said. 

Dean sat down on the couch next to you, "I hate fighting with you." he said.

 "You could have at least called me." you said as you wrapped yourself in your blanket, needing a barrier between the two of you.

 He looked over at you, "I wanted to explain in person. I was scared you wouldn't take my calls. I got here as soon as I could." You looked over at him, waiting for him to explain, "Lisa got kicked out of her place. Apparently she forgot to pay rent."

 "Sounds about right." you bitterly replied.

 "She showed up at my place when I was leaving to meet you, and said she didn't have anywhere to go." 

"She's there isn't she?" you asked. You didn't give him time to reply before quickly jumping into a rant, "Why don't you open your eyes, De. I mean what fucking grown human being just forgets to pay rent? She is using you, and she is going to take you for everything you fucking have. You are just too blind to see it. I would have thought you would have learned that lesson after the first time, but I guess you can't get it through that thick fucking skull of yours." 

"You done?" he asked. 

You looked away from him, shrugged one shoulder, "I guess." you mumbled. 

 "She's at my place, but I loaded most of my shit into my car and left. I told you I didn't want her, Y/N." You didn't say anything, and he reached across and tapped the top of your head, "Or can you not get that through your thick fuckin' skull?" he asked.

 "Not funny." you said.

 "I know you don't like it, and trust me, I don't either, but that's my kid and it's my responsibility." said Dean. 

"I still wouldn't bet on that." you said under your breath.

 "Well, if it is I couldn't just leave her out on the street." he said.

 "I know." you replied as you focused on a loose string at the hem of your shirt.

 "Sammy agreed with you that I should get a DNA test. He even offered to talk to her about it, throw around all his lawyer talk." said Dean. 

"You should listen to him." 

 "He told me he offered you a place with him and Jess. You gonna take it?" he asked, worrying lacing his voice.

 "I thought about it." you said. 

"I really wish you wouldn't." he said in almost a whisper. 

"It'd only be for a few days. You know, just clear mind and shit."

 He reached for your hand, a little shocked when you didn't pull away, and laced his fingers with yours, "We're never gonna be the same, are we?" he asked.

 You thought for a moment before choking out, "I....don't know."

 "I hate not talking to you everyday. I miss you so fuckin' much." he said.  

You squeezed his hand, "Me too." 

You both sat there in silence, not releasing the grip you had on each other's hand. "How about we go back to friends for now, and when we figure out all of this Lisa business, we can make a decision then?" you asked.

 "I'll take whatever you will give me." he said.

 "I'll try not to be such an asshole about it, and just get over it. You're too important to me." you said. "Me and her probably shouldn't be around each other though." you clarified. 

"I don't want to be around her either." he said.

 "Well, you kinda fucked that one up, De." you said, a hint of laughter in your voice. 

"You've never been more right about anything. So, I can call you, and come around now?" he asked.

 "I think we should baby step it for awhile, but I'm ok with it, if you are."

 "This is the first time I've been ok with anything in awhile." he said.

 "You can crash here tonight." you said. 

He looked over at you, "What happened to baby steps?" he asked, his lip quirking up into a smile. 

"I offered you, who is technically homeless, a place to sleep. Not like I asked you to move in." you said. 

He slumped down and leaned his head on your shoulder, "Thank you." 

You leaned your head over onto his, "You know I always got your back." you said. 

       You sat there for awhile, simply enjoying each other's company, when you let out a loud yawn. "You should get to bed." said Dean.

 You pulled your hand away from his, and leaned back into the couch, "I'll take the couch. You can have the bed." you said as you started to arrange the pillows. 

"No way." he said. 

"You can't comfortably fit on the couch, and I can. It's no big deal." you argued

. You watched as he stood up, "You sure?" he asked.

 "Goodnight Dean. You still have some clothes in your drawer if you want to change." you said as you pulled the blanket up over you and closed your eyes. 

You heard Dean walk into the kitchen, figuring he was grabbing something to drink before bed, you turned on your side and settled in for the night. You felt him tap your shoulder a few moments later. You opened your eyes to see him standing over you, a piece of paper and pen in  hand. You looked up at him and he gestured for you to take the paper.

 You took it, propped yourself up in a seated position, and opened it. You smiled as you looked down at it.  Will you be my friend?  was scrawled in Dean's messy writing. At the bottom were the familiar boxes, yes and no written next to them. The note you wrote so many years ago popped into your head, and you looked up at him and smiled before taking the pen and making your choice. You folded the paper and handed it over to him, settling back onto your side and fixing your blanket. 

You didn't see the smile that spread across his face as he looked down at the check mark you had placed in the yes box. You felt him place a kiss to your temple, "Night, sweetheart." 

"Night, you giant fuckin' dork." You smiled as you heard him laugh to himself on his way to your bedroom.

        You tossed and turned for a couple of hours on the couch. You were so tired earlier and couldn't understand why you were having so much trouble falling asleep. 

You got up and tried to quietly walk around, thinking that maybe you could tire yourself out, but before you knew it you had made your way to your bedroom. You peeked your head in the door, and saw Dean laying on his back, "Can't sleep?" he asked.

 You jumped a little, startled by his question, "Guess not." you said.

 He raised his head, and tried to focus on you in the dark, "C'mere." he said. 

You stood hesitantly at the doorway, unsure of whether you should go in or not. "What happened to baby steps?" you asked.

 "Just offering you a place to sleep." he said, using your own words against you.

 You quickly crossed the distance to your bed and crawled in beside him, turning over on your side. Just as you closed your eyes he threw his arm over your waist, pulled you back into his chest, and tangled his legs with yours. A smile slowly crept  onto your face, and you quickly drifted off to sleep, Dean quickly following behind you. It was the best night's sleep either of you had had in awhile.

[kickstartmyheartmc]

Revival: Chapter 2

Word Count: 2,656

Taglist: @fastnfearless, @fandomshit6000, @public-enemy-sixx

               Nothing sounded better than a relaxing day at the spa for your 18th birthday. You were nearing six months at Dottie’s house, and you were just about ready to head out on your own. Over the course of working at Donny’s, nothing suited you better than working six days a week, eight hours a day. This meant more tables, more hourly pay (despite only being $2.14/hour), and less time to sit and think about the future. After listening to Dotty’s advice about planning for the future, you sat down and considered your options, but nothing came to mind. You thought you had your life planned out but turns out it was all fabricated within your own head. You never knew what you wanted to do with career choices, how you wanted to live alone and where, nor did you know how the hell you were going to keep your head afloat while paying the high rent in Los Angeles. Ah, this is what Dottie meant by planning for the future. You shook your head and decided it was a problem to solve later.

               Your mornings started at 10:00 AM every Monday – Saturday. You woke up, took a shower, got dressed in one of the many uniforms you’d acquired, and shuttled yourself to work on quickest Greyhound bus. Watching people interact with each other was always the best part of the ride. Some days there would be women staggering down sidewalks in broken heels or torn jackets, clearly heading home after a long night of partying. On other days, couples strolled down the sidewalk, leisurely chatting after a filling brunch. Some days you were jealous, and others you despised the very idea of a relationship.

               A relationship in itself was not the part you disliked so much as the actual act of going through the pain and heartbreak to get to the one you would be with for the rest of your life. Back home in Florida, it was rare to run into someone that was interested in you as a person since it was a small community and they all knew about what happened with Mom. Once she passed away, nothing was the same. Your friends abandoned you in fear of becoming black sheep and losing their more popular friends; none of the older kids even spared you a glance; even the younger children, the ones that remained friends with a couple of your younger siblings, would not give you the time of day. No one acknowledging your presence when you so desperately needed it hacked away at your identity; maybe that was the reason why you felt the need to start over.

               Starting over was harder than it sounded, especially when homesickness was such a bastard. One day in July, only three months after you arrived in California, you fell into temptation and called home. Jim, the second youngest brother, picked up. “Hello?”

               You smiled instantly. “Hi, Jimmy! It’s Y/N, how’ve you been?”

               The line was silent for a moment. “Y/N? Where did you go?” His voice was strained, as if he had to hold back his emotions.

               “I-I can’t tell you that, but I miss you a bunch.” You sniffled, not realizing your eyes started to water until then. “How is everyone? Are you all alright? Where’s Dad?”

               “He’s working right now.” He paused for a moment, and you heard the shake in his voice when he said, “We’re mad at you. You didn’t have to leave.”

               That felt like a knife through your heart. “Jimmy, I never meant to hurt any of you. I did this for me and my well-being, please understand.” You chewed on your bottom lip, wiping away a tear. “It sounds selfish, but I promise it was for the best… for everyone.”

               There was a bang through the phone, as if Jim slammed it against the wall. “God damn it, Y/N! When you disappeared, he went on a binge and fucking left for three days! We may not be children anymore, but we can’t get jobs yet! We’re stuck with him until we all turn old enough!” You could not see him, but he was clearly crying. It was odd for a 14-year-old teenage boy to show this many emotions. “You abandoned us, just like Mom.”

               Your voice dropped almost an octave. “Don’t you dare compare me to her.”

               “Why not? What’s different between her not being a part of our lives and you just up and leaving? You even had the choice, and still left!”

               Now it was your turn to slam the phone against something; unfortunately, the nearest surface was the glass surrounding you within the phone booth. The glass shattered and left a few open cuts on your hand as you screamed at your brother. “I NEVER wanted to leave, but I had to so I DIDN’T end up like Mom! Good fucking luck, Jim, because Dad will ruin your life like he tried to mine. At least I got out while I could.” With that, you slammed the phone back down, hanging up on your little brother.

               Your hands were shaking as you walked away from the phone booth. You loved Mom and everything she tried to do, but it still hurt to be compared to her because of how she didn’t even try to help herself. After hearing Jim say what he did, your mind raced a mile a minute, efficiently pumping adrenaline through your veins.

               “Sure, Y/N, just call home and casually act like nothing is wrong,” you muttered to yourself, arms crossed to ensure you looked scarier than you actually were. “They’ll definitely just speak without resentment. What do they have to hate you for?” You kept crying while striding down the streets of Hollywood. Stores passed by without a second glance, music coming from some and the sounds of sizzling grills leaving others.

               You stopped in front of a music store with a canopy covering, hoping to sit and bawl your eyes out without interruption. You let your back slide down the brick wall, smudging the light eyeliner you applied only hours later. It was only a few minutes later that the door flew open and smacked you in the knees, effectively causing a scream of pain to emit from your lips. “Fuck!”

               The person who’d swung the door open quickly bent down. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” He awkwardly held his hands in front of you, not sure where to place his hands to help you.

               You glared at him. “Fuck off, will you?” You sniffled and stood up, wincing a little from the pain. “You should’ve been more careful.”

               The stranger stood with you and huffed. “I was only trying to help.” He eyed you, his lips curling back into a light sneer. “What were you doing sitting there anyway?” He opened the door to the store and, despite your rude attitude, silently motioned for you to go inside with him. You complied, albeit reluctantly.

               “Long story short, my family sucks and I’m glad I left.” You shivered as the air conditioning hit your skin. “I’m… I’m sorry for reacting the way I did.” You tried to smile at the stranger, but it turned out to be a lost cause because he was turned away.

               “Don’t worry about it. I have my fair share of family shit to deal with.” He turned back around and smiled at you. “What’s your name?” he asked gently.

               “Y/N. What’s yours?” You managed to pull off a real smile this time.

               “Frank. It’s nice to meet you.”

               “Next stop, Sunset Boulevard!” The bus driver’s voice boomed throughout the tin container, jolting you from your memories. You stood up and followed everyone else getting off. A few of them filed into the Whiskey-a-Go-Go, more than likely employees considering it was only 9:50 in the morning. You paced yourself to Donny’s in order to walk through the doors right at 10. While strolling and taking in the scenery of fall time in Los Angeles, you let yourself get lost in your thoughts once more.

               “Frank. That’s an original name.” Your snort indicated the sarcasm underlying your tone.

               Frank shrugged. “It was my dad’s name, but he left when I was three, so I don’t really feel much of a connection to it.” He took a few long strides and quickly positioned himself behind the register. “On that note, welcome to High Hits.” He let his arms open to either side of him, indicating you to look around the store and take everything in. “Is there anything I can get for you today, young lady?”

               You rolled your eyes and sauntered over to the Beatles’ section. “That’s funny.”

               Frank tilted his head inquisitively. “How so?”

               “We’re practically the same age, therefore I’m not ‘young’ to you, I’m just new.”

               “Smart ass.”

               Your head whipped around as you tried to act shocked. “How dare you insult me, a lady, by cursing in my presence.” You went back to flipped through some of their greatest hits and gasped when you saw their 1968 album The Beatles. “Oh my god, a legend.”

               Frank popped up behind you, making you jump a little. “That’s one of my favorites. Wanna listen to it?”

               “Well, yeah, but I don’t see a player in here.” Just then, someone walked into the store and pulled Frank away from you. He shot you a glance and shrugged, as if to say sorry. You sighed and slid the vinyl back into its place, effectively leaving the store in a better mood than when you walked in.

               “Hey, Y/N!” yelled Donny from the kitchen window. “About time you showed!”

               You looked down at your watch. 10:30 AM. Holy shit, you were late. Where had the time gone? “Sorry, Donny! Just have a lot on my mind.”

               “Don’t worry about it, just get this place open for me.” He slipped his head back into the kitchen as the sound of flames on a grill took over the place. You immediately clocked in and got to work.

 It was dinner time rush that same day. Someone didn’t show up for their shift and Donny asked if anyone could cover it, so you opted in for the extra cash. Besides, he promised a free meal on the house and you couldn’t turn down the best burger in town.

               “Order up!” yelled Donny from the window. You lumbered over, piled the three plates on your arms, and rushed over to table 42.

               “Hello, boys,” you said, putting on that dazzling smile. “Here I have an order of blueberry pancakes, a grilled cheese sandwich, and my personal favorite, a cheeseburger supreme without the mayo.” You placed the food down in front of all of them and wiped your hands on your apron. “Is there anything else I can get you—” Your voice cut out as you locked eyes with the one on your right, alone in his side of the booth. “Frank!” You instantly recognized him from the record shop three months ago. The only thing different was he dyed his hair jet black.

               “Call me Nikki,” he said, clearly trying to hold his smile back. “How’ve you been, uh…?”

               Your smile faltered a little bit. “Y/N,” you reminded him, clearing your throat. “Is there anything I can get for you three?” You scanned the rest of the table, carefully examining the other two men there, but neither of them were paying you any mind as they were too busy scarfing down their meals.

               “Don’t mind them,” Nikki said, waving his hand their way. “We just finished performing at the Starwood.”

               “That’s pretty neat,” you said. “I need to get back to work now, but if I have time I’ll come back over.” You flashed him a smile once more and ran off. I wonder what happened to cause him to change his name. You shrugged and got right back to work. Twenty minutes passed by and it felt as if it was only a few seconds. Time may fly when you have fun but working has a whole other concept of time by itself.

               As the night began to slow down, you leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, taking in the restaurant as a whole, wonderful home.

               “See something interesting?”

               You jumped at the sound of someone speaking so close to you that you could feel their breath. You turned and came face-to-face with Nikki. “Jesus, Nikki, what the hell?”

               He chuckled and dug the toe of his boot into the floor. He looked you in the eyes and his breath covered your face, allowing you to detect traces of alcohol. There’s no way he’s old enough to drink, you thought. “Just wanted to hang around and talk to you. Are you done working yet?”

               That caught you by surprise. “U-um, not yet. I still have to finish my side work and front of house duties.”

               “Well, whenever you’re done, you’re invited to the party I’m holding with my bandmates at the lead singer’s apartment.” He smiled, held out a piece of paper with an address on it, and sauntered off. As you examined it, memorizing the address, a customer asked for assistance and you hopped to it, sliding the piece of paper into your apron, destined to be forgotten in a moment’s notice.

 An exhale left your lips as you let the cool October air cover your face while leaving the restaurant. It was an exhausting day, and thankfully Donny said you could have the following day off to rest instead of working like you always did. On the walk home to Dottie’s apartment, you remembered the invitation to Nikki’s party. “Shit,” you hissed, searching in every apron pocket, unable to locate the small slice of paper. You thought you would remember where it was at, but fatigue plagued your memory, making it impossible to form a cohesive thought at the moment. You sighed once more before turning to head home.

               Along the way you spotted a golden retriever laying on a cardboard box, watching everyone walk by with sadness in its eyes. He pulled at your heart strings and you could not resist the urge to stop and check on him. “Hey, baby,” you whispered while crouched beside the dog, petting it on its head. “What’re you doing out here alone?” The dog looked up at you and scooted a little bit closer, silently begging for more connection. That broke your heart.

               “Y/N, why is there a dog behind you?” Dottie asked as you snuck into the apartment—or tried to.

               Your shoulders tensed up and you turned around to face her. “She looked so pitiful,” you complained. “I couldn’t just leave her there.”

               Dottie crossed her arms, taking a firm stance against your weakness. “I’m not allowed to have pets in this apartment, let alone strays. You’ll have to let her go and she’ll need to find her way to someone who can take care of her.”

               “Please, Dottie? I’ll take her to a shelter tomorrow.” You folded your hands in front of your chest, bending your knees a little in order to pull the sympathy out of her. You always wanted a dog, and if you could save this one, it would make you feel that much better.

               Dottie huffed out a “fine” and went back to the dining room table. “But if I find out you don’t take it to a shelter tomorrow, I will evict you both myself!”

               You chuckled. “Thanks, Dottie!” The dog followed you to the guest bedroom, which had evolved into your own room because of the sheer amount of time you’d been there, and made itself at home, taking comfort in the carpeted floors and heating that coursed through the apartment. You gave the dog one last pet before heading to the bathroom to take a nice hot shower and head to bed for the night.

[azoraahai]

RYDER 👏 AND 👏 DEAN

▸ how did they they meet? they met on that hunt in s2 episode 2 i think with that killer clown thingy ( i forgot what its called oops ). but anyways, the file ellen showed sam in that episode, she mentioned that it was something for a friend.... ryder being that friend. so when she finds out no good hunters stole her case to earn her some extra cash, my baby girl is hella upset. her and dean bicker/argue from the getgo lol i love my parents.

▸ who developed romantic feelings first? they both do, but they’re sooooo fucking stubborn about their feelings. sure, they’ve had sex before actually feelings got involved since they’re both v attractive people, but real feelings don’t come until s5.

▸ who is their biggest “shipper?” probably sam bc he’s like oh finally, they’re together. about damn time haha. or maybe god/chuck since he’s the one who put them together in the first place.

▸ when did they have their first kiss and under what circumstances? well i mean they’re gonna have sex in like the third chapter and they def have some hot make out scenes so i guess that counts. their first kiss isn’t like a big deal i guess.

▸ who confessed their feelings first? deano. in s5, there will be a scene where he and ryder are alone and he’s lost all hope with continuously saying no to michael. so before he goes and makes that big decision, he decides to let his true feelings out to her and its v soft and emotional.

▸ what was their first official date? do they even have time for dates lol? i guess a bar or something idk they’re not a going out type of dating people. 

▸ how do they feel about double dates/group dates? not big on that. it doesn’t seem like they’re thing tbh.

▸ what do they do in their down time? when they’re not out on cases, they’re probs chilling at the bunker, stuffing their faces with food, and binging on the classics.

▸ what was the first meeting of parents as an official couple like? dean never met ryder’s asshole parents since they die before then. and since both mary and john come back, imma talk about that. mary and john both liked ryder and valued all she’s done for dean and sam. funny thing is that ryder has never liked john and she makes this known when he comes back in the 300th episode. her and mary have ups and downs, but they do have a semi-good relationship.

▸ what was their first fight over and how did they get past it? i mean they’ve been fighting since the beginning so they def argue a lot. their first real screaming match is probs ryder trying to separate herself from the winchesters bc they’re no good hunters no matter what they do and dean’s had enough of her bs.

▸ which one is more easily made jealous? oof.... probs ryder. dean is her man and she makes that known.

▸ what is their favorite thing to get to eat? burgers or pizza. a classic on the go food.

▸ who’s the cuddly one? what’s their favorite cuddling position? dean. he likes to hold her throughout the night even tho they both move around a lot in their sleep lol.

▸ are they hand holders? do i even have any ships who are hand holders lol??? but yeah not really. maybe once in a blue moon, but nah.

▸ how long do they wait before sleeping together for the first time? what’s the circumstances? a few weeks. they literally have sex within the third chapter.

▸ who tops? 80% ryder. 20% dean. ryder likes to top her men and that’s a fact.

▸ what’s the worst first they’ve ever gotten into? oh god... um.... i dont really know what to say?? probably the first time ryder died lol that was a bad first bc that lasted like what?? two years???

▸ who does the shopping and the cooking? when they have the time, they both do but they interchange roles a lot.

▸ which one is more organized and prone to tidiness? dean. i know people like to categorize him as the messy one, but like did y’all see his room when they got settled in the bunker? everything was in order and neatly decorated so yeah, dean is def perfect for this.

▸ who proposes? proposing??? lol what’s that??? ( maybe dean idk )

▸ do they have joined bachelor/bachelorette parties or separate? if they do ever get married, that shit is gonna be separate. 100%.

▸ who is the best man/maid of honor? any other groomsmen or bridesmaids? lol this is funny. who would even fit these categories?? sam obs the best man but ryder’s maid of honor???? who is even alive at that point???

▸ big ceremony or small? small.

▸ do they have a honeymoon? if so, where? somewhere they don’t have to worry about hunting. literally anywhere, they don’t care. they just want one week of bliss.

▸ do they have children? how many? they’d probably have one girl. 

send me a ship and i’ll break them down